Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - What won't you Eat!? w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: December 15, 2022

Are You Garbage is back with a Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Buy the New Years Day Livestream w/ Are You Garbage and Special Guests https://www.moment.co/ayg NYC! Get Tickets to the Gramercy Show, Access Code: GARBAGE https://www.livenation.com/event/k7vGF99hSu4jM/are-you-garbage-podcast Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Adam & Eve: https://www.adamandeve.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Ladder Life: https://www.LadderLife.com/GARBAGE Ekster: shop.ekster.com/garbage Promo Code: Garbage Raycon: https://www.buyraycon.com/garbage15 Promo Code: HOLIDAY Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans

Stop the show gang. We got an important announcement. The boys are doing a live stream new year's day. Come hang out with the squad down here with Toadies. We're going to have some special guests. Might be an appearance from Patty in Denise. You don't know what's going to happen. It's going to be a good time. Get a hair and a dog in you. Kickoff 2023 right. And that ain't it you bozos. We got a third show at the Gramercy Theater. Shout out to the Army of Garbage baby. We're on sale now. Our third show. It's going to be February 3rd. That's a Friday night. Get your tickets now. New York City Army of Garbage. Let's go. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals

or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage. Oh yeah. It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they're good to be classy. They're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Anthony's basement. She's already looking for a resale on that third Gramercy show. She's coppin' tics. She's coppin' tics out there. Scalpin' out there. Hey she's going to be wetting her beak anyway. She can I feel. See her walking around 23rd Street. Who needs to. Yeah she's going to be selling bootleg merchant ship. Are you trash? Selling my underwear.

I got a pair of socks. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. This is a family episode. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He is an international businessman. The brain's behind the operation. Put the whole thing together but always makes time for friends and family. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan. What up gang. Thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you rate, you subscribe on iTunes, full of video available on YouTube as you know those numbers are. Tritter out. And obviously the greatest goddamn website of all time. www.patreon.com slash Are You Garbage. Yeah. You sign up over there. You get a shit ton of content and that's legally binding. You get shit ton. Legally binding shit ton. You get bonus episodes AYG.

You can get episodes of Heart Feelings. You get fuckin' the new travel vlog we're doing. Shout out to, we're taking new guy Luke over to goddamn road with us to shoot a little vlog style behind the scenes type stuff. Good thing he eats like a bird, huh? A couple of chicken fingers for three days. He's all right. Let's give him a honey pack of these good. And then obviously we are doing a live stream on January 1st, baby. A little bit of hair to dog, a little bit of hangover shows start the new year right, new year off right with the boys, daddy. It's gonna be fun. You're gonna get to see the moms a little bit. We're gonna be going and interviewing our moms. My mom already asked if she can have a glass of wine before she does it, so who knows

what's gonna happen. I'm sure P-Mayo's gonna be cranking, Bernie's left and right. It's gonna be a scene. Gonna have some friends stopping by. It's gonna be a good fucking time, gang. I'll have a glass of white wine with Nisi over there. We all can. I'll start doing shooters. Have a couple of nutty Irishmen going around. Tell you to go out and check the car out, girl. Hey, check this, Paul. That's my mother. God damn it. Said you straight to reform school, punk. How about a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire. The Magic Man makes us all look good. He does. Works the ones and twos, crosses the T's and dots the I's. Give it up for T-Bone, McScruffins, Tooby McMullen. What up, dudes? What's up, pal? Hey, if anybody out there knows

how to run a live stream, hit me up. Guys, in typical AYG fashion, we're figuring some stuff out. It's gonna be good, baby. It's going out live. It is what it is. You get what you get, all right? I looked up my VCR. I think I can probably help you out a little bit. I know the red thing and the other one. The white one never went to anything. Yeah, I don't know what that was all about. It'll be an HD so you can see our cold sweat. Oh, man. Boys, we got the live. Fully, you're gonna be freaking out the whole time. No. You're gonna be illusioning. I tell you, I've turned the corner. I let go. I put my faith in your gentleman's hands. I'll wait till you is fucked up. That's your biggest thing. The second one thing goes a degree off a fucking plan.

I told you, you stink, you piece of shit. Every one of them tickets for that third show at the Grabbers, you better be sold out. Otherwise, I'm losing it. Let's go. You know what? Let me know that you let go. What's that? The drawstring on your pants. And that bottom button you couldn't do on your shirt. We had to dress you like a goddamn Mr. Potato Head before we started here. I got an ear up side of my head. Anyhoo gang, we're here for a family episode. We're circling the wagons. It's just the boys. We're going to be answering some of your questions as we do. As we always do, I got something I want to get into here. What are you pulling out there? Hachimachi! Let's go boys. Whoa, look at that. Get the fuck out of here. Doggy, 100,000 subs over there on

the YouTube. As you know, baby, husband and husband is our Trotarove. Presented to RU Garbage for passing 100,000 subscribers. Shout out to fucking YouTube, baby. Let me see it. That's the fake one. The real one's at the house. Like the Mona Lisa. Damn, that's nice. Yeah, I had it for like four days. You know how hard that was not to fucking tell anybody? That's metal. Look at that. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you. Thank you so much. Shout out to the bozos. Shout out to the homies. We started at zero, baby. I'm going to fucking cry, dude. That's so fucking cool, dude. Look at that. Huh? Do I have anything to get it started? Read it and weep, Fatty. We're doing it. And gang will be auctioning this off.

Interesting trades, except it. Where do we put this? We'll put it up after the show somewhere. Yeah, yeah, there you go. Set that right there. Get right away. Do you think they sent me another one? I don't think so. It was kind of tough to get that one. Really? I'll be honest with you. Checking the bots. Can you pass that here? I need to take a picture and send some texts to my mom. You dumb bitch. I know you know what this means, but I'm awesome. Good stuff. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, it's wild. Crazy. Wild. Thank you. That was the longest I've ever kept a secret. That's crazy. And I almost said it 15 times tonight. I would have never been able to do that. I'd take pictures of it and had it loaded in the group chat that I didn't send.

Wow. Yeah, I like the only, I'm like, what are you doing, man? Just do it on the show. It'll be a bonus. Man, I can't even keep a candy bar in my pocket as a secret. That's crazy. And then in your book bag, you took that down here on the train looking to get robbed. Took the train. What are you talking about? I got a plaque from YouTube. I ain't taking a goddamn train. That's all pewter. Remember that is silver. Damn, that's all right. Yeah, that's all right, baby. Beautiful. Thanks out to shout out to the fucking Army of Garbage, baby. Coming out and fucking full force. Yeah. The past fucking, the past two weeks. Let's go. And we fucking love you, Daddy. Oh, shout out to Rhode Island. Two sold out shows there. Shout out to Boston. Two sold out

shows there. Shout out to fucking New York homies and bozos. The Army of Garbage is strong, my friends. We are. But I do have one thing. I've never kind of, I've never seen you in a sweatshirt before. That's a lie. I've recorded episodes in this exact sweatshirt. Toby, what do you think? Kibby and a crew? I don't know if I've ever seen you before. Dude, I've owned. He looks like an offensive coordinator in high school. Yeah. And you're on the bench. Hey, why don't you go play with the other girls, huh? That's where I do my best work. Kibby run on the wishbone. Yeah, I've definitely, I've had this shirt for like two years, I think, at this point. Okay. What do you got? But I go ahead. So I was down. This is a rule. We talk

about this a lot when we go out to eat. It's the rule of eating before everybody gets their food. What about it? Like, you know, when the food comes, the proper thing is to wait. Sure, which I always ask. Of course, of course. I'm big on that. And obviously, sometimes, you know, extenuating circumstances call for whatever, you know, you get something hot, cold, you know, I mean, whatever. You got to leave, whatever. Something. Yeah. If you got the fucking fajitas, I'm not going to let you sit there and have them sizzling while I'm waiting on my fucking, you know, my crab cake or something. But I don't know what restaurant servant fajitas and crab cakes, but I want to go. Get me a gift card, somebody. David Olive Gardens.

Cheechy Gardens. Oh, shout out to Cheechies. Did you fuck with Cheechies? I don't know. Cheechies was doing it before anybody. That was the first time I ever witnessed chips and salsa being put out on the table. I didn't fuck with salsa for a long time. Really? Up until recently. Every restaurant should do chips and salsa. What? That's crazy. It's so, I mean, so much better than, bread and butter is pretty good, but you can't really do it anymore. I know it's great, but... Well, I can't do it anymore. I mean, I can't because I'm a fat piece of shit. What do you think? I mean, chips are, it's not, that's not like a hell, it's not like fucking carrots.

Then a Parker House roll and a slab of butter. I think it's a little bit better for you. I remember in the 90s, we legit thought... This is why you're 400 pounds. We legit thought that chips and salsa was healthy. Oh, yeah. I still kind of think that. I'm also under the belief of if the food, if it's a nice place, it's healthier for me for some reason. That's how I think. I go like, rich people aren't, you know what I mean? I think that's true. It's less processed. It's more top quality. Yeah, but it's not. I mean, pasta is still pasta. It's not fucking, it's not like more healthy pasta. It's not healthy. But it doesn't have the preservatives and stuff like that.

I'm not worried about that. I mean, the preservatives aren't what is making us fat. It makes you unhealthy though. If you're going to have something bad for you, it should be done to the best possible way. I know. I know what you're not. I'm saying, I leave after eating at a very nice restaurant. I might have had 14,000 calories and a half a loaf of bread and dessert. I walk out and go, oh, well, it wasn't McDonald's. I feel like I'm like, still light on my feet a little bit. Sure, I got you. But I was down in, I was away with my family down there in Disney two weeks ago, whatever it was last week. And we went out to dinner. There's a big group of us, 15, right? Got the whole kids, the whole nine yards and went out to a nice restaurant

and they started dropping the food, right? It takes a long time to serve 15 people. I know. Should all be done within a minute or two though. Me, I don't know. It was slow going or whatever. But some people at the table started eating. Really? So I made a comment as like a fun, you know. The apps had already happened. I think the apps had happened. I think this is main. Were the apps still on the table scattered around? I don't know. Could you still be picking at the apps a little bit? I don't think so. I think they cleared it. Okay. That's bad news. Because if the apps are still on the table and you got your little plate in front of you and you can still, you know, take a couple of muscles. This is what

I heard. A little calamar. This was the refute. It's okay. This was the refute from a pretty classy person, I might add. Six or more you're allowed to eat. You don't have to wait for everybody. Six or more people because that does jam up the flow of food. You can't wait for 15 people to get food. That's a long time. If you have a hot steak that could just got dropped, that could be three, four minutes. Either way, you give it a couple of minutes. You give it two, three minutes to see how the, how the service. Well, also the service wasn't good. It was like, this is going to be, I mean, it was like 10 minutes for a drink. You know, you were waiting a while. It wasn't, you weren't positive when things were coming out. Okay. But there's more so of the rule of,

Toby, see if you can find, what is the standard? Because at some point, the party hits a, the party hits a number where it's rude for the people without food to make the person wait and have their food get cold. There's a threshold there of like, yeah, now it's, it's rude that your food isn't as good as it could be. Not many times 15 Irish yaks all go out to dinner together. Same God potato, same God damn potato. Side of tater, side of tater, side of tater, side of tater, side of tater. We'll all have the lemon check it. But that made me, that, because there has to be some sort of one of those weird chivalrous rules of like, in fine dining or dinner party etiquette. There's a certain threshold where it is then the right thing to do. I don't think there is. I think

you're supposed to wait till everybody has their meal before you start eating. I was 15 people. That seems crazy. I guess what I'm saying, if there's like, isn't that big? The service has got to be good. If the service is fucked up, like you said, what are you going to do? You can't keep the kids eat, they got the butter noodles. How long did it take? I forget. I mean, that was probably like four fucking Manhattan's deep at that point, but it was slow. The whole dinner was like three fucking three hours. It was a long, a long fucking process. Okay. All right. We got a ruling here from tasting table.com for big gatherings,

weddings, large businesses, luncheons and other such communal events. The kind of service takes a considerable amount of time and coordination. So unless you want to choke down some cold fillet, you should probably start eating as soon as your table or seating area has been served. Okay. But that's for multiple tables. Sure. Sure. That's like a way. Sure. But this is five, four, five tables combined. So I would say maybe once your section, once your half, maybe, or whatever, is served. Anyone in your immediate vicinity. Sure. Anybody you could touch. Did everybody get steak? Hey, give me that. Did everybody get steak? I forget. I don't know. I don't know. Probably, maybe.

That's a tough one. I don't know. But it did, it did, it did peak my interest because it was said real quick, six or more, you don't have to wait. And I was like, I don't think that person made that up. You know what I mean? So they, that was heard somewhere. So I was, that's what I was wondering if there's some sort of rule of thumb and it does make sense to me a little bit. Hmm. Because I'm one of those guys have eaten. I don't care. Like, you know. Yeah. Also too, if they're like, oh, your fillet is going to be right out. You go, you know, it's not because they know. Sure. It's just a few more minutes. You're going, oh, you're, you're, you're kicking this can down the road. So you don't jam. You're,

you're getting out in front of this. I think for civility, you take your time with those first couple of minutes, though. You don't wolf it down like a dirt bag. You're not fucking, you know, grabbing the fries before it hits the table. I am. I also have eyes on something that says if it's six or fewer at the table, you should wait to eat until everyone has served. Okay. So above that, you're good to go. Six or more. Six or more. There you go. Wow. Huh. Okay. Pretty crazy. I don't know which one of the Sullivan's pulled that out of their hat. I know a couple of classy people. Not too shabby. Hey, you know, you guys shared dessert at the table. I think so. I think we did. Have a coffee. No, I probably, I think I had another

main hat in there too. Brother fish poles. I was going to black down on a ride home. Tittin' in a fight with Goofy. Yeah. What are you looking at? You fucking cross-eyed pussy. Slap his fucking head around. You ain't a real dog. I dog's better than you. Start crying. Yeah. But we do have a family episode here, gang. Yes, we do. At two, four. We got a couple of humdingers over there, guys. So when you sign up for the Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on here. It's the best way to do it. You get a lot of submissions from a lot of different places, but the Patreon gets the first crack at it. Daddy. Oh, this one's from Patty. Talks, baby. Yeah, it does. Get in line. There's a VIP section everywhere you go. I mean,

I don't have to tell you. This is from patio furniture who has sent in a couple of humdingers in the past. And I never thought of this. I do it all the time. Do you refer to microwaving as nuking it? Yeah, fuck yeah. Nuked that shit. Nuked two, three minutes. Nuking it. Yeah. That was state-of-the-art technology in the 1980s. What movie was that from? Where are they getting? Fuck, it was the Christian Bale. It was like in the 70s or whatever. The 70s? Christian Bale? Yeah, it was not shot in the 70s. It was set in the 70s. It was like the politics or the fucking whatever. Christian Bale? Yeah, he had like the bad toupee fly over. Oh, American Hustle. American Hustle. Love it. It was like FBI or whatever. Yeah, love it. Yeah, yeah. They gave

what's-her-name. Yeah, Jennifer Lawrence. She's like, get that thing out of my house. I don't want to. It sucks all the nutrients out of the food. It does too, man. Yeah. But nuking it is trash. We had, well, growing up, I mean, I guess it is a new, it's a new microwave. That, we had a fucking KitchenAid microwave, man. This thing was tried and true. I knew fucking- We had the same one for fucking probably about 15, 20 years. I knew every in and out of that thing. Huge. How many seconds to hold it when the popped eye fucking, man, I knew this thing through. So your race car. The easy minute button on that. You just hit the easy minute and it would start. Crank that about three, four times. Come in, pop it in, open it up.

It took my family about seven years to figure out how to do microwave popcorn without destroying it. I think it's like, once the noises get to every one to two seconds, anything over two seconds, you got to pull it. We always burned it. Then the smoke alarm was going off. She was screaming. My dad's like, what the fuck is that fucking? And me and my brother sitting there eating burnt popcorn, which I got to be honest with you. Here we go. Isn't that bad? Sure. Is there any food you don't like where you're like, I don't eat that. I wouldn't eat that. It seems like every time something comes up good or bad, you're like, I got to tell you, I don't mind eating shoelaces. Is there anything al dente, please? Is there any food that I don't like?

I'm not crazy about Pad Thai, but I'll eat it. Sure. Okay. I would say that's the nuts. So the closest thing to you not liking a food is not crazy about it. Yeah, I can't really think of anything that I, I mean, I eat liver, but I've got to be really hungry, have liver and onions. Because my mom used to get, she used to tell us they were hamburgers when I was little. And she'd give us a piece of a fucking hamburger. This thing still bleeds. Fucking brutal, man. Fuck that. Fucking burnt liver. Dude, if my mom ever tried to give me liver as a kid, I would never trust her for the rest of my life. Get the fuck out of here. No, no goddamn way. Last secret, you're getting

a mind. Yeah, he can't be trusted. Yeah, I don't think. No, there's nothing. Ooni is, I just haven't had it enough. The sea urchin, we tried to have it one time at a sushi place and fought back. It's a lot. Yeah. It's, it's, it's, it's a, it's an ocean punch. We, uh, with Bert, we had some haggis. We did. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Hand it up, Chachki and that up to be all right. He did. That was good. That was very, that was very, corned beef. Corned beef sausage. It had a hashy vibe to it, but I don't like sweet breads. I can't fuck with sweet breads. What do you mean? Do you know what they are? I mean, not to the fact that you wouldn't like them. Toby, look up sweet breads. This is that thing

like head cheese where it's all face. Yeah. I don't know if I could do that either. I never had tongue before. Cow's tongue. Get over here. Yeah, I can't fuck with anything with a face. Oh my God. It's lamb pancreas. All right. I'm out. Yeah. I don't like eating stuff I have. I ain't got wings. Yeah, but I got it in me. Kidneys, liver, testicles. Yeah. It's a tough one. Cheek. Lip. Well, cheek. I think I've had beef cheek. That's a thing, right? I hear that's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. The sweet breads is tough. I had it at Sammy's Romanian one time. I also had Schmaltz and I gotta be honest. I think I've said I've liked it.

Isn't that the stuff in your foreskin? Schmaltz. Schmagma. That's Schmagma. Is that a real thing? Schmagma? That's like the gook that cleans around when you're unsurpassed. I don't know. I mean, we, it's called resident long hair. If you're a dirty piece of shit. Our resident thick cut. Schmaltz is like chicken oil, something. I'm out. Yeah. It's not great. No. Yeah. Sweet bread, stuff like that. Not a big, not a big organ guy. But like I said, I'll have liver if I'm starving. That's how I first started eating sushi. I was starving and I had it. Sure. I get you. Yeah. Braycon baby, let's go.

Yeah. We're talking Raycon. We're not talking about the other brand that charges you an arm and a leg. Doesn't matter gang, whether you know it or you're nice this year, everyone on your holiday list can use some premium audio products from Raycon. Yeah, guys. I use them to take calls. They're fantastic. They got wireless earbuds, headphones, speakers that offer premium sound, a comfortable fit. And let me guess, 54 hours of battery life at half the price of the other premium audio brands as the big man mentioned before. They were nice enough. The good people at Raycon were nice enough to send them over to us. I pop them in. I'm doing work. I'm bebopping, scatting, working out. I'm lying. I don't work out. But when I think about working out,

I would use Raycon. There you go. Plus, Raycon makes it easy to shop for every Tom, Dick, and Ann Tootie in your life with holiday gift guides. You're always going to get the best deal when you use our special link by raycon.com slash garbage. The Raycon website offers buy now and pay later options. So if you're a little broke as a joke, you still get your Raycons. And for the next month, Raycon will have a countdown to Christmas with new pop-up flash deal for you to take advantage of every single day. Order between December 13th through December 20th and get free express shipping on orders over $85 when you use the code HOLIDAY. That's just two pairs of every day earbuds for free shipping. Right now, go to buyraycon.com slash garbage 15 to get 15% off

site-wide with code HOLIDAY plus free shipping. That's code HOLIDAY at buyraycon.com slash garbage 15 for 15% off your Raycon purchase by raycon.com slash garbage 15. Do it. Do it. Adam and Eve. Hachi machi, I'm hard as a rock. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. Gang, we all love Adam and Eve here at R U Garbage. 50% off there with the website right now. Pick up something, a little something to spice things up. Yeah, a little something to shove in your poop scoot. You know what I mean? Get it going here. Get something. Put something in something. The goddamn holidays, will you? Put your something in something else. Talk to the guys. Talk to the gals. Let's get it cracking. Get kinky. Let's go. We're only here for a short

time. I know you a bunch of user freaks. Yeah. Which is fine. Put the kids to bed. Lock the door and have at it. Yeah, you should see in Tooties Nightstand. Yikes. Yikes. This is like a medieval's dentist office. Go to adamandeeve.com. Select any one item and use code garbage. This is an exclusive offer. So be sure to support the show and use code Garbage to get 50% off and free shipping. Go to adamandeeve.com right now. Do it. Exclusive offer. 50% off and free shipping with code Garbage. You want to do that today? Go buy yourself something nice for your guy. Nice for your gal. For yourself. What are you doing? Go fuck each other. Yeah. Home run of a question. Shout out to Nuke in it. Love it. This one's from Kristen H. First time question here.

Is it garbage to have the spare tire rim on the back of your car when there's no tire on it? That's bad. If you have the area for the tire. You mean in the trunk? No. I like on the outside. You know, like SUVs? I'm like a tracker? Yeah. I mean, that's what pops them on. But a lot of like Azuzu's have them. A lot of Jeeps have them. To have that thing exposed without the tire is a tough look. You know what I always thought was pretty trashy, though they tried to make it look real nice. It's one of the versions of a Cadillac that has the spare. The half a tire in the back. It has the spare tire in the back. And you see the wire wheels? Yeah. I always thought that was I always thought there was a dead body in that trunk. I never understood how it opened up.

Yeah. Just kind of maneuver. You gotta like pull it down and then open up the trunk. You ever have a car that had the gas tank in the back of the car? No. Like under the license plate? Yeah, man. Our first car had that fucking tough look, dude. Jesus Christ. It was a model thing. Yeah. What the fuck? A year was this? A chicken in every pot in a Model T in every garage. Now, we never had anything goofy like that. We had the woody van, the Plymouth. What is that? The Voyager? That's on the side. That was on the side. That was like the purple maroon, dark red, whatever that was, woody van with like super tinted out windows. Looking back, I don't know what the fuck was going on. Let me ask you this. Have you ever been in a situation

where your dad had to change the tire on the side of the road? You ever been hemmed up like that? No, but I remember one time... That was panic city for the foldies. Dude, one time we were driving up to fucking Big Boulder, Jack Frost. There was like three cars going up. It was like all the dads took all the kids up, skiing and snow, but there must have been 44 of us in a car. Those caravans were a great day. I was in the back of a Jeep, like in the trunk of the Jeep. The whole ride. Me and like three other kids didn't have seats. We used to get around in the back of that thing. Fucking, you're fighting the older kids in the front. It was like a fucking trench warfare going over that seat. And my dad was cranking

heaters, obviously. Gentlemen, couple of Marb Reds. And the window, it was a Jeep and the window went down and then wouldn't go back up. Fucking god damn it. Oh man. He drove still cranking heaters too. Dude, it was snowing and sleet and rain. And I remember the kid, it was my brother's buddy was right behind him just getting fucking his hair was wet, dude. Fucking cigarette ash and fucking fresh powder all over him. And I remember being like, what are we going to... I was like, six. I'm like, what are we going to do on our way back? Because this happened, we were not even out of the neighborhood yet. And we still fucking cooked it all the way up. And he had a trash bag that he taped. Oh my god. That's high school kids. And we'd draw and then if he had to change lanes

or whatever, he would lower it so he could see out and he would put it back. It was bad. Yikes. Real 90s shit. Real 90s shit. Smoking heaters with 15 kids in a car. No map quests, no Google maps, no seat belts, no problem. Fucking let's go. Yeah, that's tough, man. Little sports radio, maybe a fucking little 10, 10 wins or whatever it is. KYW news radio. 10, 10, 16. They used to play that typewriter in the background. This just didn't fucking knock me out in the backseat. All right. This one's from the Oklahoma comedian. Never had a question. Red is a garbage door surfing shirts from Ross. O'Neal, Quicksilver, Billabong. If you live in Oklahoma where there's no ocean. Yeah. Are those cool? No, that's why they're at Ross. Billabong, O'Neal and Quicksilver

tough. See what happens with brands? I don't get it. Yeah, they used to, I thought that was the good shit. That's what happens. It is to a point, right? And then Hillbilly's in Oklahoma start worrying about it. And then they overproduced to the point where it's not cool. It used to be like tough to get your hands on a Quicksilver t-shirt, a cool Billabong t-shirt, a fucking O'Neal t-shirt. But I thought if- Then they overproduced them and then everybody has them and it's not cool anymore. But I thought if the brand was true to the sport, it still would always remain in style. Like Franklin. Dudes still wear, you know, they wear Franklin gloves. But that went uncool for a long time. Franklin was brutal.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Stunk. Yeah, anything. Parameters or something. Hold on. If the brand is being sold there, it's a tough, it's no longer cool. That's where I got all my G unit shirts. Like Carhartt would never be uncool because it's quality clothing. But is it like don't real surfers wear O'Neal stuff? I would argue probably not. Really? Yeah. Not for fashion just because that's a good brand for surfing. That's what I'm saying. I think it's, I think it, I don't know. I mean, I don't hang 10 that often, but I think it's one and the same. Like the second it starts being sold there,

sure, it loses its- It's what happened to DC. It's what happened to DC. It's what happened to fucking Zoo York. Ocean Pacific was big when I was a kid. It was big when you were a kid still? Not big, but yeah, I remember I had a couple of OP shirts. They were fucking- I remember getting your hand, I remember this, my neighbor had a billabong shirt and I was like, this guy is the coolest dude in the world. Those OP commercials back in the day, man, he wanted to live in California too sweet. All the hot broads and flavored sodas.

Is that what you think? Where the living's easy, baby? Lavored sodas, hangin' 10. Frutopy as long as the eye can see. Have you ever tried to surf? Yeah, I actually surfed. That's actually a big weight you're talking about. No, I'm too scared of sharks. Even as a kid, like you never like came across it as a kid? What do you think? I was less scared when I was a child? I don't know. Plus all the marine biologists trying to push them back in the ocean. Guy's obtaining. I live here.

Mom! This guy's trying to get me to fuck this dolphin. He was angry that day, my friend. Tagged my ear. No, never. I didn't even like being exposed on a boogie board. We also couldn't afford them. Exposed. And I hated the kids that got to bring those down to the shore. Yeah. We were body surfing or nothing. Yeah, we had- My dad showed us how to body surf once and that was it.

That was it. That's it, you're on your own kids. Literally, yeah. Figure out the birds and the bees. I'll tell you what though, when you catch a wave down at the- down at the- down at Jersey Shore- There's footage of me fucking shredding on the Patreon. It feels like you're flying. Oh man, you can't- even if you- even if you cruise for about two tree seconds, it feels like an hour. Yeah. You're really riding the fucking- you and Mother Earth fucking zoned in together. But I didn't like to be exposed on the boogie board because I felt like I was a sitting duck.

I wanted to be able to move in the water. Yeah. Case shit popped off. Of course. Naturally. Karate chop a shark right in the fucking nose. Yeah. Um, yeah, no, never surfed. Never surfed, never skied really. I sled, I sit on the beach. I always say if I was in Point Break, I'd be the guy that- you- the big guy that sat on the beach by the bonfire.

Kidnap people. Out of a troubled peg. That's what he did. Yeah. Um, I tried surfing once, was never for- I was always too fat of a- With that head, what are you talking about? Too young of an age. I was a mean boogie boarder though. Yeah.

I could really fucking- That's pretty good. I could really shred a little bit. What about you, Johnny? You tall, you ever fucking get out there in the big waves? Once in Puerto Rico. Really? Got the worst sunburn of my life. Jesus, the back's torched.

My entire fucking body- I think we got- we got lobster molting. I would never do it just out of respect for the art form of it. I would never want to be that guy out there, crossing up somebody's wave or something like that. I feel like you gotta start that when you're young. Like, there's a spiritualness to that that I respect. Okay. You know?

I wouldn't want to be that guy. When I see the- when we go to Hawaii and I see the dudes in Hawaii, man. They look like they- That's a little different starting- Ewing you up. It's a little different starting in fucking wild wood or fucking, you know, on the big island. I always made fun of it.

We had a couple of kids in my middle school that surfed. They were like, where are you surfing? And they were like, down the shore. Down the shore? Get the fuck out of here. This guy's in the bay. You don't surf at the Jersey Shore. A lot of people do.

They're not like legit waves. They're little baby waves. I mean- I should catch a hurricane coming in. I have cousins that when they do- It would be bad weather. They're like, that's it. They go out.

Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Telling you. There's- there's decent surfing in the Jersey Shore. I mean, it's not fucking- You're not making it in the front of a fucking riptide magazine or whatever, but you're not going to be on the front of fucking Hang 10 weekly. Sex Wax weekly?

Yeah, but I mean, there's enough for sure. I think of surfing. I think of the fucking North Shore and Oahu. That's what I think of. Why? You just went there for the first time three years ago. How's that what you think of surfing as a kid? And I sat there and ate coconut shrimp and watched the real men.

Staring out the window of an Applebee's. Watching them fucking hang, watching them get towed in. I always wanted to do that. I'd like to be the wave runner guy. I wouldn't mind that. Till ship pops off. What are you talking about? Run away?

Dude, man, those waves. I'd rather be out there- I don't know how anybody lives. When those- when they fucking huge, like a 50-foot wave, they go underneath it. They have CO2 in their life jackets, and they pull them up, and it floats them to the top. Is that true?

Yes. The surfers have that? For the big waves, yeah. You would probably just have to break your Snickers bar in half. And the fish would come get you. Unload some of the candy in my pocket. Quick, throw the lemon heads overboard. He's not athletic, but he's buoyant.

That's how they do it? Because I've seen them with, uh, with nothing on. Like, they have no shirt on, and they just fucking jump off the board and just go underwater. But doesn't the wave take the board as a strap to their leg? Don't they get drug anyway? I don't think so. I think it's all, it's also, I, listen,

I invite no means know what I'm talking about, but it's quick moving. You know what I mean? So it's like- It depends on what part of the wave you, if the wave crashes on you, it sucks you to the bottom, and it'll, if there's a reef or anything, it'll press you into the reef, and then you get caught in a, like a,

like almost like an alligator roll. It spins you and spits you out the other back. The backside of it. Yeah, and I'm good. I'll try some of that pineapple ice cream. Try it in that pool. You try it in the pool that you see. Yeah, that's pretty sweet.

That's in Jersey. Yeah. But I heard a story about one of those guys. What, got stuck in it? Well, there's like a, there's a room, I think Bert was telling us or something like that. There's a room in the back that's the motor. Like for that.

It sucks, it's like an empty room that sucks a bunch of water in, and then pushes it out to make that wave. And some dude got sucked in to the room. And so he's just in there waiting while it's filling up, going like, all right. Like knowingly, it's going to be completely full. And then he's just got to wait until it fucking exits out or when I forget, I forget the story.

Somebody, I think Bert was telling us. He make it? I think so. Yeah. He's like a famous guy. He's like a, I don't know if he's like a podcast or I'm a May guy or he's somebody like relatively famous. He knows pretty cool.

That guy, I don't know his last name, Laird. Big surfer, blonde headed guy. It's comic? No, he was in the descendants. Nothing. Ah, he's cool as shit. Does a lot of ice baths, that guy. Laird Hamilton.

Yeah, dude. That guy's fucking awesome. It's all neck. Dude, he is. A lot of neck. He keeps it tight. Yeah. The surfing guys are all right.

Sure. Tight bots. Tight. They keep it real tight. Yeah. That's fine. I never, I got a more boogie border body. I tried skimboarding.

More of a dunk tank man myself. Shout out to it. I skimboarded for a summer, maybe two. Fucking damn, you're broke my neck 22 times. That thing goes out from under your quick. Man, you think everything's all fun and games till that slips out. You trying to look cool down the jersey shore.

Probably wearing a sweatsuit. Your little blonde headed bowl cut. What was up with that by the way? What do you mean? Was that in style? Yeah. You're a little fat kid with a bowl cut. And you had like golden hair for a minute.

Yeah. I think a lot of that was sunning. Maybe I would dye it. I'm not proud. My mom would take me to buy. It's sunning in my hair now. My mom would take me to buy women. We'd go to the writing and buy women's hair dye.

And I would dye my hair in like seventh, eighth grade. Sitting watching a fucking rabbit ear TV. Was your hair up in curlers? You and your mom dishing. Man, that was always a big thing going to school the next day with a different color hair in seventh grade. That was like, this could be real bad. Sure.

This could go south real quick. I had a teacher who- M&M was huge. What do you want from me? I had a teacher who always had my respect, but then really got my- Sure, they love that. Got my respect when he did this.

He wore like the worst toupee for like 30 years. Like the worst toupee. Okay. Everybody, everybody knew it. Sure. And then one day after Christmas break, he just- Just came back in mid-year? Just said fucking.

You gotta do that over there. Summer. No, he came back after winter break and he stood in front of his class outside as everybody was coming in and going just to fucking- Get out in front of it. Get it all out of it now. Hey, what's up?

What's up? I remember a couple has walked up and shook his hand. It was like, man, you're the fucking man. He was a great teacher too. Mr. Crane, history teacher. Shout out to him. Fucking good dude. I just remembered on the Mateu episode,

you were asking about the hair transplant. Yeah. A lot of people hit me up. And we were talking about- I realized why you could never do it. Why? It's everybody- It's to what everybody knows.

You've been publicly thinned. You can't then show- Like this guy. No, but see, that's the problem. I don't care if they know. That's the problem. I would say- I would start every episode off with I got plugs.

I don't care if they know. You do the plugs? I do the plugs up top. I want to know where the line would go. Like, would it just go straight across? I wouldn't like your head like that. Oh, some kid made- Some kid fucking made one.

They gave me like a fucking- It's me sitting here and it gave me a fucking tight one. It looks pretty good. I had to zoom in myself. Say, goddamn kippie- Oh, man, you got me. I thought that Rogaine was working. No, they would just like-

They would like, you know, fucking just fill- I think they would just fill it out a little bit. Um- I like it. You got a good head. Thanks. You have a good head. If you were completely bald, you have a good head.

Thanks. Yeah, I just wouldn't want it to look bad and people behind my back would be like, That looks like shit. That's what I wouldn't want. I don't mind if people- No, I would tell you. I'd fucking put it on a goddamn Patreon.

Let's make a couple of bucks. Payback, you know. People doing the dumb thing. Oh, hey, how you doing? What the fuck? I couldn't- I couldn't deal with that. Subreddits about my hair and stuff.

Kippies got fleas. Walking into Russel, people going, Oh, hey, Kippie! Oh, hey, how you doing, Kippie? I'd have to get T-Bone's high-pitched lie voice. Oh, it's good, Kipp! Oh, man. He hit me with that the other day,

walking on stage. That was all fun! No, no, no, this is gonna be tough. That's- When I've been thinking about what to get you for Christmas, I've been trying to- Which, by the way, we've been

throwing around some crazy ideas, by the way. I feel like Marrakesh. I've been trying to- What your reaction would be, open it up, when I get the, Oh, I got a fucking- Well, now you know, because he lied last year. I know, yeah.

He's got a snake in the grave. That's the way I was raised. He gave away your fucking tell. I want honesty in here. I gave it to you, and you were upset. I told you your gift stunk. I didn't say I wouldn't be upset,

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You look like a real- You look- You can look like a guy with a little bit of cash, even when you don't have any. Yeah, I'm getting rid of this thing in my pocket. I got baseball cards in mine,

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L-A-D-D-E-R life.com slash garbage. ladderlife.com slash garbage. Now back to the show. Back to the show. Yeah. Trying to figure out- Did you get my gift yet?

Did I get your gift yet? Yeah, yeah. Asked three more times. What do you mean? You sent it to me? No. Did you buy my gift yet? No, I haven't.

Do you have any ideas? Yeah, I have an appointment tomorrow for it. Hair transplant. Kippy, I got me a hair transplant. Getting you a merkin. Get the bushes thick down there. That would be all time if you got Kippy a toupee

made out of your hair. Oh, man. Would you wear it? No. Out of my pubes. My shortened curlies. It's a bunch of crumbs and stuff in there. Now I haven't made any purchases yet.

All right. Yeah. I only got yours. Mine. Yeah. Nice. Part of yours. Part of mine.

I was actually looking at it today. You were looking at it today. I put it on. You put it on. Uh-huh. That's weird. Sexy. Little nightie.

How are the girls of Victoria City this time of year? All right. Let's get back into it. This one, let's see here. This one's just all right. This is from Jake, $10 shareholder. Are you garbage? Are you garbage if you're in the first picture

that comes up when you Google your local dive bar? I never worked there and I don't own the place. That's bad. That's who you're like drooling or like being a creep in the corner. That was bad. Getting caught in pictures back in the day before cell phones when it was like digital cameras. That was when I was in college.

So girls were running around with those little silver, whatever digital camera. They were huge. Every girl group had one. They go out and they take 10,000 pictures. They went so quick though. Oh yeah. I mean the technology to the phone call.

I mean there was already camera phones but they sucked. It was like I remember the Christmas where they were a big thing. My mom got one, digital camera, digital camera. My stepdad used to have that big one. Do you remember that? It was like you would hold it. It had like two handles on the side.

Oh man, it was fucking. He would bring that out on Christmas and people would do kick rocks with that. We're going to email. How are we going to get these things? It was like before email and shit. Yeah, man. But then the next Christmas they were fucking gone.

But there was like two years in college where those were hot freshman year. They were real hot. And man, these girls would go out. We'd all go out. They would take like 50 to 100 pictures at night. So they would take like 100 fucking pictures at night and they wouldn't be.

We didn't know like framing and whatever. So it was just like you would just end up in the back of a bunch of pictures. Sure. Like fucking beady eyed and sweaty. Hence the photo bomb. The photo bomb started to emerge. Yeah, but these were unintentional.

You were just like I would be in the back, leaning on the wall real creepy in a basement or something like that. If I could end up, they'd tag you go, what are you doing, tagging me? Doing a shot of blue cheese. And that was a fuzzy naval guy back in those days. Red eyes and a bowl full of hard shell.

Yeah, they were tough. They would really catch you. Now it's tighter frames. It's easier. I always thought whenever you worked at a restaurant, if they were like redoing the website, there would always be a photo shoot at some point. If they were freshening up the website,

or if they were doing putting an ad. Something, yeah. I was never asked to be in those. What are you talking about? Doing blow in the back. Getting after it. All right, this one's from Bruce. Is it garbage or bring your own Tupperware

to a dinner in case that you want to bring stuff home? Yes, yes. I mean, this whole thing, we had to let the show. You're saying it is garbage. What, of course. Okay, I don't know. The girl that went to the wedding with the Tupperware. Yeah, I mean, she was,

she didn't even do it yet. She was planning on taking it to the wedding next week, or whatever it was. Yeah, that's crazy. That's nuts to me. I mean, like, yeah, wrap it up, put it in tin foil. What, do something. But to be like, I got my Tupperware.

Oh, I think do you bring it into the house or do you leave it in the car? I've heard of. That's crazy if you're like sitting down and it's on the table. With an empty Tupperware? Yeah, that's like, that's psychopathish. That's first degree dirtbag.

It's premeditated. Yeah, there's men's rail in line with that. Capital punishment for that. I know of ladies will go to like an all you can eat seafood boil or, you know, whatever. And they'll line their purse with plastic or tin foil and they'll throw like a couple of lobsters and some crab legs in there.

Kim Congden talked about that. They would go, they would go, her mom would do it. And they would go have like lobster at the house. Yeah. Which like, it's an embarrassment thing for me. It's a shame thing of like, if they were like, sir, is that a lobster in your back pocket?

Like that would be, you know, is that, is there lobsters in your hoodie? I would have to move, you know what I mean? Like I wouldn't be able to, I wouldn't be able to sleep for like a week if that happened. If you take leftover, I'd spend money or I'll just have fucking hot dogs. You take leftovers, that's fine,

but you can't roll in with a fucking empty Tupperware. Man. That's a bad look. Yeah. Although I'll say this when you go to like a family party, if they have the Tupperware there and they start breaking out, my cousin did that, Thanksgiving, they had a bunch of fresh Tupperware and they packed up like.

Cheap, not cheap, but not like. Yeah, like the little glad ones. Not like heavy, heavy. Yeah, the ones you use a couple of times. They still floating around like the heavy, heavy Johns? Probably not. It's probably replaced by like the more disposable cheaper stuff. No, we got a couple heavy bike ones at the house.

Do you have to say new wise? Are they really banging with those? It's probably all glass and stuff at this point. Sure, the glasses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ikea does the glass ones real nice. Real classy. You want that back.

Remember that? I got to go pick up a cookie sheet from Dolores's house. Yeah. Send that thing back. Patty always kept a couple of them. Yeah, my Aunt Patty gave me. We always ended up with like, you know, two or three serving dishes that probably weren't really ours.

Sure, she's got sticky fingers that one. She takes everything that ain't folded down. Yeah. I felt like you moved. You felt, you felt rich. I mean, my aunt gave us, this was during the pandemic. I think it was Christ, it was Easter, I guess.

We went over, she gave us like Easter food. This is when you were like, you're wearing a lot of these, even like be anywhere near each other. She like left it outside. We got it and took it. I like, she like asked me, I threw the Tupperware out. It was like Applebee's to-go container. It wasn't like Tupperware branded.

It was like reused, but like heavier to-go stuff. Sure. But from a third party. Sure. Not, you know, these were, it wasn't bought in a set. Okay. I threw them out and I remember being like, I'm not fucking washing these in returns.

They say fucking, you know, cheechies on them or whatever. Got to call the next day. I got to call the next day. You did? I think my mom was like, you better give those back damn patty or something. What? And we're digging through the trash.

I don't, I don't need to rat the fucking PMAO after me. Fighting a raccoon to get the lid back. Yeah. It was tough. That just made me really hungry for Easter food. Okay. I like a nice Easter meal. The pineapple upside down cake.

Uh, also like some kind of pineapple mash or something like that. I don't know. Little bit of egg salad. Sure. Good stuff. What? You don't like Easter? I didn't know there was food associated with.

He had dumb ass. What do you mean? Easter, Easter Sunday dinner. Ham, pineapple upside down cake, scallop potatoes, patty to make her cheese potatoes, little coleslaw, a couple of double legs. You probably start off with a grass. They put the candy in.

Haha. A little apetite. I hated that shit. Stick to my peeps. Was it salad? Fucking lose it. Yeah, man. That's pretty trashy.

Bring him Tupperware. And hopes. I don't. Yeah. It's not for me. I got, I got a lot of, I just have a lot of feelings about it. It's just, in every set of the way, it's not good. I have a family member who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent.

But, um, we'll bring stuff there for, you know, if Patty's making cutlets. Let's say Patty's making cutlets. Let's say that. And she's bringing the cutlets over there. Let's say Patty made, I don't know, 60 cutlets. There's going to be a few people there. All right. This said gentleman will take some of the cutlets and already pack them up and put them in the

frame beforehand beforehand. That's crazy. So they can have them for the week. I'd grab your hand and go, what, what, what are you doing there? Dude. Is that, but is that also like, hey, I'm making 20 for Glenn. I'm making 10 cutlets for. You put every, I'm just asking.

I don't know the deal they have. You can't. It doesn't matter. That's the deal they have. Patty's making me 10 cutlets. I go over. I want to do this. There we go.

Also, hey, I don't blame them if you're floating around the kitchen. All right. You're fucking eating everything that has breadcrumbs on it. No, it's that person's house. It's got a master lock on the Tupperware. Fuck it. It's got a handcuff to his hand. Give me the codes.

You're chasing them out to the car with a bandsaw to take his hand off. Shooting with a silencer. Wait. So Patty, you guys take the cutlets to the gentleman's house. Let's say this. The gentleman's having a little thing. A lot of times that's, a lot of that's going to get subcontracted out. Patty's going to make the cutlets.

Sub it out. My sister-in-law's going to make- Did they take estimates on those jobs or are they no bid contract? My sister-in-law's going to make a lasagna. Bring that over. But before anything's even served, they're already stashing reserves away for the week. This gentleman.

But I'm saying is that a convo made by upper management? No. No. And the way I see it is you make sure you got everything for everybody. We know how you see it. You want more cutlets. Everybody gets it here. There's no fucking-

Everybody understands big man like Cuddy's, okay? Patty's Cuddy's, man. They're big. They're big. Shit drives me crazy. Yeah. When you start rationing things away before the guests have even had a chance to get a second or third. Oh, it's ridiculous.

I mean. Plus they're push out. I hate when they wrap it up too quickly. It's like, whoa, take it easy. Where are we going? Do you think this sentiment is shared with other people or is this an H4? I think this seems to be a very H4-ly thing. I'm not saying you're wrong in the sense of like, hey, give, you know.

It would be me. But this just seems like a fat guy who wants to eat cutlets. That's, I mean, if I'm calling, it's paid, it's paid. The only other gentleman that was privy to it would be my father. Him and I would on the way home in the car, but he's, you know, when I go on the way. Yeah. Okay. Like in two tree cutlets.

All secrets die with him, too. You know what I mean? It's the only one I can trust. I like it. I don't hate it, baby. The big man. Shout out to him. All right.

This one's from Pat. Haven't had a question yet. Is it garbage if someone in your family owns a pet monkey? For context, my aunt had a small tamarind when we were growing up and it was wild. No cage, no pen, just loose in their small house in central Pennsylvania. One time they brought it to my parents' house in New Jersey. Where it dove into the big bowl of peas at Thanksgiving dinner, which very much upset Ma, who didn't want a monkey in her house in the first.

It would regularly do stuff like open the TV stand and throw DVDs all over the living room. Eventually bit my little cousin's finger so they had us in the back to the jungle. Dude, bringing over a monkey to someone's house is crazy. Having a monkey's nuts, thinking someone else wants a monkey in their house is crazy. Sending it back to the jungle means that got hit with a fucking commemorative mini baseball bat to the back of the head and tossed in a dumpster behind Marshall's. That got dropped off in a field somewhere. That thing still wreaking havoc.

Oh man. They swinging from the monkey bars at the playground. If I was in Pennsylvania and came across a monkey in the woods, I'm opening up with all guns. Oh, that's fucking nuts, man. Dude, opening the TV stand and throwing DVDs all over the living rooms again. Those things are a little fuckers, too. I get it.

They're shitty. Let me see what one of those things look like. Hammering? Yeah. I think that's one of the main ones that you always see. Like the outbreak monkey. Uh, I think so. Yeah, I wouldn't be able to handle that.

Oh no, never mind. Let me see it. This thing is scary. It looks like a sensei. Oh man. What the fuck, dude? Are you kidding me? I would snap that thing's neck.

Dude, I'd get him when he's sleeping with his little diaper on and fucking take him out. I'm an animal lover, but that thing looks possessed. He's not throwing around my bad boys DVDs. We're scratching him. We're scratching him. Fucking up dinner. Oh, dude, diving into a bowl of bees. Dude, those things shit everywhere.

They picked their nose, scratching their balls, but they're always jerking off. It's like hanging out with you. This guy seems all right. I like little baby monkeys. Of course. But I'd want a little baby chimpanzee. That's what you want. They know what's going on.

They know to go for the throat and the gonads. They don't fuck around when they lose it. They lose it. You're nuts. You're supposed to play smoking. They ride skateboards. Also, you want to know, I had, I was, like I said, I was down in Disney with my family. This is how trash I realized my whole family is just like how blue collar level of level of just

trash we are. We're in, I don't fucking know, one of the, there's like an aquarium type thing. I'm like, you're deep down in it. There's like a system of like hallways and tube and you're like, it's all around you. Sharks and shit, dolphins all night. And there's like three scuba divers down there fixing something. Really? And I mean, you, not one of us looked at an animal.

Once we saw the guy, it was just a group of us just watching dudes work. And we're like, what do you think they're doing? Are you guys got a welder? I see the socket wrench over there. And we just sat there for about 45 minutes watching three guys work. Yeah, I like that. Oh, mesmerize. Fuck the grouper.

I know. You're watching dudes get shit done. Mesmerized by guys working underwater. Dude, those scuba construction guys. You're like, look at how he's got, there's another one in the back. Holy shit. I haven't seen a third one up there. Guy's eating his lunch.

Look at him. Yeah, guys on a sick break. Buddy, put your mask on. I don't know. That stuff fascinates me. Of course, because we're trash. Underwater. I don't think the fucking, you know, the, the Rockefellers would be, you know,

they'd be looking more at the shark or whatever. At the rainbow fish. Yeah. No, dude. An emo. Underwater welder. Man, you got my attention. I catch one of those on fucking the history channel.

Give me 12 steps. Ooh. That's all right. That's not bad. We were fucking mesmerized. We were face on the glass just looking. Fucking breathing and shit. Like, oh, look, oh, he dropped the ranch.

Oh, shit. What do you think an underwater welder gets paid an hour? A shit ton. A shit ton. That shit's dangerous. Probably $250 an hour. $31 bucks. Get the fuck out of here.

It's not worth it. Guys got to join a union. Yeah, no, that's not right. Those guys, those guys on like the oil rigs in the ocean, they're, they're well paid. I mean, $31 is relatively well paid. It's probably $70,000 a year. Sure. I think they'd have to make more.

That probably comes with pennies over time. If you got to go down there and fucking do that shit in the dark where you can't see it, that's those dangerous. Pressure-eyed suits, the sharks, catch a starfish on your face. A tortoise looking at you. Suck your eyeballs. Yeah. Suck your eyeballs out of your head.

Um, all right. This one's from Harris. Are you garbage if your mom takes a grocery cart off the street to move groceries from the garage to the house? So my understanding of that is they have a, they have a shopping cart. Let's establish this. If there is a shopping cart anywhere on your property, you're fucking trash. 100%.

There's no way around that. If it's flipped upside down and you're grilling on it in some high grass, you're even more trash. Yeah. Um, my, I think I told you, my in-laws have the pan basket that they took from the supermarket. Well, that's not bad. Which is all right. Functionality-wise ain't bad. Yeah.

They use it for like produce or something. I forget why they go to like the farmer's market and they just carry that with them, throwing your fucking, your sweet potatoes. That's, I never thought about stealing one of those. Yeah. It's pretty all right. It's heavy duty too. Good one.

Not one of those fucking rinky dinks with the little metal handles and a black plastic. Sure. This thing's, this thing's all right. Huh. You ever used the short cart? I'd be wearing, I'd rather wear a dress in public than wear, than fucking push that thing around. It takes a lot for me to use a hand basket. Go heavy bike with that to big boy.

Oh yeah. One, it's a shot to my manhood if I can't, and it's just flawed logic, but if I can't carry under thing everything in my arms, I feel like I've failed. I've passed that. I make it easy on myself. I get the, I get the little hand, you don't get the hand basket? You do the drag one? No.

What am I fucking, you're only getting beans if you can carry one of those things. I do everything under, I'll do stuff under my arms. I stack it. I do anything to not have to get a cart. Really? These New York City things are fucking tight. I always go for a basket. I'll do a basket if I know what I'm getting when I'm going in.

It's a lot of things. I'll do a basket, but we're rarely also, we're rarely doing it in order. Have you ever used one of those baskets for your laundry that you see people in New York rolling around in with the two big wheels on them? The granny baskets? Oh, no. Yeah. Whatever you, no, I don't, uh-huh.

No. Push in your laundry down the street like Mrs. Ragicino. Yeah, no, I never, I don't fuck with that. I don't, uh, yeah, I try to keep it fucking easy. I try to be in and out. I don't try to like push and stuff the car, the whole nine. I use the fucking self-checkout, I keep my head down, I keep it moving. I like the regular checkout.

I don't mind it either, man, but listen. I want them to bag it up too. I've said it before, no one cares less about you than a cashier in a New York City supermarket. Sure. You might as well be knocking on their bedroom door, waking them up to see if you can check, they can check you out. Sure. They don't, they just, they're slow.

That self-checkout though, they get fucking jammed up. Wait for attending if something doesn't go through. And that's the guy that wants to help you the least. You're clearly not, you know, you're clearly not capable enough to do self-checkout. Sometimes the thing doesn't register when you put it in the bag area. They start yelling at you, put it in the bag, or you put it in the bag, it isn't the fucking bagging area. I got, well, this, I mean, this is fucking, you know, I get, I get so mad.

It drives me nuts. The one machine, it goes, you know how you have to buy your bags now, right? Which is bullshit. I don't mind it. You buy your bag. They're reusable ones. Yeah. Those I rock with.

Yeah, you turn that into a trash bag, you throw a pair of shoes in there when you're traveling, whatever, you know what I mean? Target's got a lot of balls charging for those though. Those I steal. Really? What? Again, I don't like stealing because I don't steal either, but I'm not. You just said you steal them.

That's the, that's age fully. Hey, I steal them. I don't steal. When they ask you how many bags did you use? I hit zero. You know, I take a bag. Will you steal them? I guess so.

You hear that target? I got your guy right here. Red team go. Abracadabra. I mean, they got a lot of fucking balls. My friend wrote that line. Local supermarket. Okay.

You'll bread it. Um, Abracadabra. Abracadabra. You're a thief. Just admit. Probably stealing my wallet right now. Um, it asks me, it asks me when you enter, how many bags did you use? I'll do one.

And then it says, do you want to skip bagging this item? And I'm like, it's the bag. How do you bag a bag? How do we, you know what I mean? Are you Seinfeld? It is a little- What's the deal? Well, I mean, you got to do it.

You go, I got to- That's why you don't put nothing and just grift it. I go to a local guy. He lives in a neighborhood. I can't steal from small businesses. No, you can't. Of course you can't. Yeah.

Target. Fuck that. Associated supermarkets on the other hand. I fleece them every chance I get. Ain't I going to miss it? I keep asking for samples of cheese, and I just put them in Tupperware and I roll out. Pound and a half. Slice thing.

A little thinner. Man, nothing like getting that slice on there. When was the last time you did that? I feel it's not a thing. I don't see anybody in New York doing it. No, yeah. Maybe a kid will get the slice or whatever. My trade fair, yeah, no, the guy will break you off a little something.

Some get your head on straight before you get home. Yeah, within the last six months for sure. Slice a turkey. I also don't do the fresh sliced. They slice it every day and then put like packs out of it. I'll do that. Grab that. I got to wait.

That'll do my roll-ups at home, watching the carbs. Sure. I didn't have pizza at night. All right, this one's from Remix. $10 homie never had one read. Is it carbs or charge your buddy to listen to Patreon episodes? Come on, I got to wet my beak too. Couldn't respect it more.

That's awesome. Hey, I'm in. As long as one of you is paying, I don't care. Get in the system, if you're making money, I'm in. You got a third party. Yeah. That's awesome. He's like Stubbub out here.

Who's in a hard feelings for six bucks? It's four dollars off. All right, I can't fucking hate it. That's all right. This one's from. Yeah, that's from a homie. It's from a $10 bozo here. Is it garbage or take a full-sized area rug to the beach

instead of towels to sit on? They're thicker and more stable, so they actually make it easier to have picnics on. But it's still a living room rug at the beach. That seems. Those things aren't light either. No, that's a hump. They're like, I mean, so you're rolling to the beach

with like two dudes on their shoulders. With like a sheet or something, I've seen that. That's not that bad. They do the fitted sheet and then you can like put stuff in the corner like sand in the corners and it creates like a little. Yeah, that whole situation's a fucking nightmare. I like it.

What I would like is five of those things and then a fucking tent in the middle, like some kind of fucking Arab chic back in the day. You know what I mean? Do you do the tents? Yeah. The fam, the big, when we go to the beach with like, when I meet like my cousins shoot at the beach,

they do the, because there's like so many things. Pain in the ass getting that thing fucking rolled back up. Just the sand in there. Why would he put it back inside? That's fucking crazy, dude. No way. Yeah, it moves it down to your tail. Also, you gotta have like a fucking truck

with a rack on it to move that thing. That ain't fitting in like a Corolla or something. You gotta move to go to the beach. Yeah, that's pretty trashy, man. All right, this one's from Jesse. Ever ride your bicycle on a highway at night? That's two strikes. The highway on a bike on a highway is rough.

Yeah. It's tough to be riding a bike or walking anywhere where people haven't walked in a while. That's like if you're stepping over a hubcap, it's a bad look. That's like if you hit him, you're kind of doing him a favor a little bit. Just fucking get you right to the fucking drainage ditch.

You're better off, man. Yeah. Bing! Do the sign on the cross and keep it moving. Yeah. That's an adult man on a kid's bike. Oh, 100%. Dude.

Any adult man on a kid's bike, stay the fuck away from him. He's a killer. There's this guy that rides. He's got nothing to lose. There's this guy who's been riding around this neighborhood Summerton. It's at the very top of the Northeast,

right before the suburbs. It's called Summerton. And this guy, he's like the size of you with red hair and fucking, he's been riding around Summerton. He's your age at this point. He's been riding around on a BMX bike. It's crazy to see a 400-pound guy with fucking huge red hair

riding a BMX bike for 20 years. It's wild. Can you do any tricks? Yeah, he's still like hopping up curves and stuff. Really? He keeps it moving. He's always going somewhere. He's never just cruising.

The guy's on a mission. Man, that's a tough look. You know what's a really tough look? BMX bike with the handlebars folded forward. Oh, that's no good. Scary. Yeah. You put them forward a little bit.

I'm talking lay flat. How do you even ride like that? Ride dirty, baby. What do you mean? So normally, normally, we used to put them a little bit forward. Like a little bit. It would be like that. Yeah, yeah.

You're talking like down by the tire? Not a lot of crack heads in Bluebell, huh? Yeah. That means they got a bad bike. They got wrenches to fix it. They're busy smoking crack. Oh, yeah. I've had those things give out on me, though.

Uh-huh. Fuckin' grog. We used to, when we were into biking, like BMX or whatever for a year, we would cut the handlebars. So they were smaller. So you had more like a veracity or whatever. You got more, you got cooking quicker.

Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's weird. How would you cut them? We'll take a. Packs off? It's a pipe cutter. You know, it's like the little thing.

Screw it on. And you sure? Zipping around. Things were all right. Yeah, it's not bad. Yeah, I'm pretty fine. We were very unsupervised for a large chunk of our childhood. Like crazy.

Welding material being used. Yeah. Settling. Do torches, drills. We would, one time I remember we were building a half pipe. We never finished it. We were building a half pipe in my buddy's backyard. They were redoing his basement.

And we just went in and took all the wood. And he's like, yeah, we can do it. I'm like, all right. I'm like, if my dad was here, we, my dad, your dad's going to be pissed when he comes home. But I'm like, hey, I'm following your rules here. You know what I mean? I want to, I want to fucking drop in.

Let's go. We got our hands on a nail gun one time. They were doing construction at, uh, they were putting an addition on, uh, one of my cousin's house. Man. Really got them. Yeah. It was right around the time that fucking, uh,

lethal up in two. There's, we used to fucking, we were petrified of this thing. Yeah. Put two of those into a tree. Man, playing on a construction site as a kid ain't nothing better. Good times. Uh-huh.

To your phone or the basement. Um, all right. Let's see. We got to do one more and then we got a go there. This one's pretty cuckoo, but as is from Sam. First time, long time. Is it garbage to use your workers comp settlement to pay for your wife's new boob job?

That's, that's leveling up on the fucking two, three different levels right there. If you think about it. Shout out to the Ted ads. Yeah. I mean, That's talking about everybody wins. That's what I'm saying, dude.

Yeah. I don't see it downside to that. Settle it. So you get the settlement. Doors that check right over to Dr. Dr. Feelgood. Dr. Lookie Loom. We got to wrap it up.

Gang, we love you to death. We love you as baby. Shout out to the fucking the army of garbage. I'm passing on. We got to plaque, baby. Look at that gang. We fucking love you. Uh-huh.

Gramercy theater. We added a third show. Come out and see us if you're in the New York city area. New year's day. We're going to be doing the live stream. I feel like LA Reed. Yeah. It's good stuff.

Platinum plaques, baby. It's going to be a good time. A lot of fun things coming up. Check out the show. Come and see us. Check out the live stream. Yeah. We love you, baby.

We love you. And we'll see you next week. Peace.