Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Wicked Garbage w/ Joe List & Tom Dustin!

Episode Date: March 31, 2025

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedians and podcast hosts Joe List & Tom Dustin! We're talking growing up in used car lots, Boston Trash and the hit movie "Portrait of a Comedian". You know Joe Li...st & Tom Dustin from Stand up Comedy, Tuesdays with Stories w/ Mark Normand, The Joe Rogan Experience, We Might Be Drunk, Stavvy's World, Soder Podcast, Bertcast, Honeydew, and Portrait of a Comedian with Tom Dustin! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Tour Tickets: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Acorn Early: Head to https://acornsearly.com/garbage or download the Acorns Early app to get started. Sign up now and your first month is on us! Tushy: Over 2 Million Butts Love TUSHY. Get 10% off TUSHY with the code GARBAGE at https://hellotushy.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hear ye, hear ye, the good people of Pittsburgh and Cleveland. The boys are coming for that back on the block tour. We added second shows and they're selling fast. Yeah, baby. April 14th, we're going to be at the Pittsburgh Improv. And then April 16th, we're going to be at Hilarities in Cleveland. Tickets are going fast. The first show sold out. Second shows now. High demand. Get the tickets. We'll see you there.
Starting point is 00:00:19 See you there. Welcome to another exciting edition of R U Garbage. The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. Oh yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a
Starting point is 00:00:50 group to be classy. Yeah. Or just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, A-Trolley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in a new edition. She's out in the backyard burning some leaves. Okay.
Starting point is 00:01:02 Getting a head start. Wait, isn't it the spring? Okay. Kooky broad. All right. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me asking a lot of questions about Toody. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world and I love him. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan everybody. What up gang? Please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video
Starting point is 00:01:23 available on YouTube. Also full video available on Spotify now go over there check That out part of a partnership or something. I don't know probably getting screwed somehow also patreon.com Slash are you garbage go over there get all that bonus content gang. Yes, sir And gang we couldn't be more excited to have two incredibly special guests here with us today One is here for the first time they are the star and director of the brand new documentary portrait of a comedian mr. Tom Dustin and Mr. Joe List. Yeah. The boys are here.
Starting point is 00:01:52 Beautiful film, by the way. Thank you. Fantastic. We got to go to the premiere. It's gonna be in select theaters. And if you're in Philadelphia, it's gonna be at the Ritz 5 in Philly starting May 9th. And if you're in New York City,
Starting point is 00:02:03 it's gonna be at the quad cinema starting April 25th Do yourself a favor. Oh go and see it. It's beautiful. It's heartwarming. It's funny It's fantastic and we have the star and the director here today and we couldn't be more excited. Yeah, I don't like I don't like star I'm the subject. I was the subject. It sounds like it's a science experiment MK ultra Dustin they were doing tests on me at the lab subject I was the subject sounds like it's a science experiment and K ultra Dustin hey we're doing test on me at the lab no one ever becomes a star because of a documentary that's not true keep making Jared Fogel he became a big star no that's what I mean the qualifiers are dead or in jail sure a lot of stuff
Starting point is 00:02:41 coming up it is fantastic was one of those where I saw it and I was like it stuck with me for like days Yes, it was that it was that well done, and we had never met you that was the first time We got to meet you and you are a legendary figure in the comedy world Yeah, I really really managed to do 20 years of ever really staying under the radar Lane it cool all the comics are, oh, you're really funny. You should be something like meh. Mysterious. Not for me.
Starting point is 00:03:09 How did this come about, by the way? How did you guys, you guys started together in Boston. Yes. Yeah, a quarter of a century ago. A quarter of a century ago. I walked into an open mic night. I saw Joe up on stage. He was hilarious.
Starting point is 00:03:22 And he had a really, really hot girlfriend. And I was like, this guy must be doing something right. Is that true, Joe List? Hot chick? I had some really, don't judge based on my wife, Niko. What are you talking about? I'll be silly. I used to know, Sarah's a hot chick in herself.
Starting point is 00:03:39 Smoke show, we love her. Smokin' hot, broad, great body, nice tits, perfect butt. One of the funniest. She's got a great body, buddy. She, broad, great body, nice tits, perfect butt. One of the funniest. She's got a great body, buddy. She's got a great body. That's one of my favorite delivery lines. Slap someone in the back. Also a line I use the most maybe is Kramer going, all right, show's over.
Starting point is 00:03:58 But anyways, yeah, I had some hot numbers and I started in high school, fresh out of high school. And how old were you when you started? I was 25. And what's the age difference seven years okay you're seven years old yeah are you a seasoned vet somewhat in Boston at this time no I mean no we were just starting out okay I started when I started when I was 25 okay all right he had started just before me I think he started just a little bit before you. A month or two.
Starting point is 00:04:25 Yeah, a month or two. Okay. And what grade are you in in high school when you start? Do you start your senior year? No, I graduate, which I still, this is what I tell every young comic, if they want to do comics, they start now because no matter when you start, you wish you started earlier. Because I started after I graduated. Looking back, I was like, I could have totally just done this in high school also.
Starting point is 00:04:44 Right. So I was like I could have totally just done this in high school also right so I was a kid I was 18 and then I met Tom and Tom was you know partied and I was like I like this that's how you guys that was the bond well yeah do you want to drink a lot and I don't know we do crazy shit and steal shit strip joints and well Tom strip joint is old school Oh, we loved we went to bars all the time and we had fucking speed dial strippers that came to our house Yeah, yeah, that was pretty awesome. Like we would do it so regularly that it was like an in call service They would come to your house and like we get the double, you know, you save if you get an extra stripper. Yeah And so we would get two girls to come over. And they would tell stories about our house
Starting point is 00:05:29 instead of the other way around. Like, we weren't like the next day, like, oh, wasn't that fucking crazy? The strippers were like, that was fucking crazy. It was wild. But I remember one of our first times hanging, Tom worked at a car lot, had like a used car lot. From the age of three to 30. What do you mean had a used car lot? I lot had like a used car lot from the age of three to
Starting point is 00:05:47 Up on a used car lot and they talk about this and you think that's right. I forgot yeah Yeah, you're not gonna have to ask any of those garbage questions. I open yeah, I grew up on a used car lot What was the what was the building of the car lot was it just like a trailer it was my nose It was there was many iterations of it originally originally it was um my father had i grew up on my father's used car lot and then he sold that we got a different one and then when i was old enough i kind of ran the car lot because he was crazy uh which if you watch the movie sure i'd mention how crazy my father was how were you at selling cars pretty good pretty? I was pretty good. I actually... Dude, if you're in Boston and you're in the market for a used car,
Starting point is 00:06:29 that's the guy you want to buy it off of. He could sell water to a dolphin this guy. What do you say we get a couple of bees? Yeah. You like strippers? I sold a car to a stripper. To the one that we used to visit up on... Bethany, body glove girl. Body glove girl, yeah. I sold a car to a stripper. To the one that we used to visit up on... Bethany, body glove girl.
Starting point is 00:06:47 He too. Also to save visit, seems like she kept her clothes on the whole time. Well we would walk in the strip club and it would be like midday, there's no one in there and she's on stage and there's one dollar on the stage and we'd walk in and she would just walk in, have a party and start like celebrating our arrival. A couple of high rollers like you. No, we weren't high rollers. I'm aware of that. Now don't get me wrong.
Starting point is 00:07:11 I wasn't rolling in there with a lot of gage. Well, the best one was we went to the Squire. No, it wasn't the Squire. It was the other one, the Cab, the Cabaret. There was the Squire, which we called the Squid, and the Cabaret, which we called the Cab. And then there was King Arthur's. We can't talk about that on YouTube.
Starting point is 00:07:24 This is what the two of you were doing? Yeah, a lot. But we went there, it was New Year's Eve Eve, and they opened at noon, and we got there at like 11.55, and the guy was like, all right, no one's here, but you can come in. So we sat at the bar and put our dollars on the stage, and literally, this sounds made up,
Starting point is 00:07:41 a stripper walked in in a fur coat with a scarf, and I yelled, ready when you are ha ha ha we beat the strippers to wicked hot over here there was no music playing I just sitting around this hot chick when you when you were going to the no no this was that was my high school girlfriend what she saw me with him she was like I'll see you later guys also Joe's 18 hanging out with a horny 25 year old. And you two live together. Yes. That's where you have the strippers come over.
Starting point is 00:08:09 Yeah. And you would just have them without getting too graphic. You just have them do a dance free and that's it. Are you hooking up with these broads? Yeah. No, no, no. No, we had a little weird. The way they said that was for sure.
Starting point is 00:08:19 Yeah. I was going to say, why don't you just get a hooker? No, no, no. It was funnier. Like we just because none of us had any money So if you get eight guys and everyone throws up 20 bucks you can get these broads to show up at your house He's saying it like he's correct and so we would do that and we even had it set up where we'll come over Yeah, we had a karaoke machine
Starting point is 00:08:41 Buddy Dave would he'd call the dance like a play-by-play. Like, now she's putting the dildo on her head, and blah, blah, blah. I think I know her. It was pretty awesome. He was like, he would do strip club DJ in my house. That's a good time. Every once in a while a different girl would come, because we had regular girls. One would come and go, all right, we gotta get this thing started.
Starting point is 00:09:03 Where's the bachelor? Where's the bachelor? And my wife goes, oh no, no bachelor. It's Tuesday, it's right. We gotta get this thing started. Where's the bachelor? Where's the bad? Well, I guess oh, no, no, but it's Tuesday. We're not celebrating anything No bachelor couple of horns. Oh, I didn't they lose on time with a CD tray and no that was that was something different Oh, yeah, something different. That was my We ended up paying Some strippers will calm strippers sure we paid them in like old CDs and a couple of Madden She must have been a good-looking girl giant change jar. We had a bunch of change
Starting point is 00:09:35 It's important at the bottom of that in a mirror like yes I like that mirror and I was like you can have it It's like she just they were walking out of a house with bags of change and see they apply quality duty at all Yeah, that's how we paid him we figured out once they got there we didn't have enough money So they just took shit from around our apartment. Holy shit. Yeah, there's a lot of stories And where did where did the what did the birth of the film come in? Where did you decide that you wanted to do this? Well, I've been wanting, I always want to make film and... The birth of the film.
Starting point is 00:10:07 Yeah. Man, this program has changed. The birth of the film. Shut up. How'd you think of the movie? He's a goddamn filmmaker. The inception of the film and how much time do we have? Turn the lights down, but leave mine on if you could.
Starting point is 00:10:23 No, it was just, you you want I want to make there I was I want to make films support garbage television ladies and gentlemen. We send you a free tote bag. I just always thought I'm in it. I'm trying to really sell the picture just tell them about the picture Jerry just tell them about the picture. What's the matter with you? Anyways, I just thought Tom would be a great subject. And I nailed it. I was right, which is all I really did was thought Tom will be great and hilarious.
Starting point is 00:10:57 We have so many great stories. And originally the idea was to just roll camera on Tom hanging out telling stories. And then we kind of decided to incorporate some of his stand up and then some of him running the club because he's the proprietor of the Comedy Key West. And then we just started telling our stories and then we started talking mental health and about our friendship and life and what it means to be successful and it blossomed into this whole other thing which is when we were going down there I just took Matt Salacuse and Patrick Holbert you might know those guys.
Starting point is 00:11:24 Of course, shout out to Salacuse. And I said, you guys, you just shoot, I don't know what the movie, which is very annoying if you're hired as a DP and a, I go, I don't know what the movie is, but you guys roll tape and then we'll figure it out after. And Tom just gave us so much hilarious stuff and touching stuff and moving. It's really a great film about mental health and friendship and comedy. There's so much comedy. It is.
Starting point is 00:11:47 It's also not the vehicle. Like the vehicle is him just hanging out. It feels like you're having a beer with Tom and it's not like, uh, I mean, you are, you're having multiple cocktails throughout the movie with Tom, but it just feels, it doesn't feel like it's not heavy handed in any way. It's just like you're talking to this guy who you, who's endearing and you want to talk to and he's telling great stories And it's also sorry. It's also a story about it. I mean, it's the bothy. It's your relationship It's both of you guys starting out in Boston
Starting point is 00:12:13 And then it's you coming to New York and Tom deciding to go down to Key West Opens up the club and lives that life. Yeah, it's very endearing It's really fun and I just quickly because I want to get back to funny stories, but I fucked up I fucked up when you say it like that. Yeah, you moved to New York and then Tom I was trying to sugarcoat a little bit. I really fucked up. I really fucked up No, you did great. It's great. We're here now A lot of people get success in their 50s. Yeah. He's 50. I didn't start comedy until I was 32.
Starting point is 00:12:47 That's embarrassing. And I had no strippers. But we didn't do any. If you're thinking like, oh, there's a document. It's cinema verite, if you will. I understand. There's no lighting. There's no smoke.
Starting point is 00:13:01 And we didn't do anything again. Oh, let's take that again. Let's get a shot of Tom walking in. We just rolled camera on us. There's no smoke. And we didn't do anything again. Oh, let's take that again. Yeah, let's get a shot of Tom walking in. We just rolled camera rolling, living our lives. It's beautiful. It's fantastic. Jimmy Buffett's in it. Jimmy Buffett is in it. His last appearance. Yes. Or do we know it's confirmed?
Starting point is 00:13:17 It's confirmed that was him riding by in the bike. Yeah, it's confirmed the very last second of the film. It's the big surprise. We want to get to the whole. We want to get to the whole Key West lifestyle But first time we got to put you through the ringer a little bit. Yes So give us give us the the full backstory of Tom Dustin the origin story So where were you born born in Maldon, Massachusetts? Just north of Boston Sure
Starting point is 00:13:42 Everett revere Chelsea what's bad? I don't know what is it North Shore or South Shore better? It's pretty much the same. It's just north and south of the of Boston. It's like blue-collar kind of Suburbs brothers and sisters or I got an older and a younger sister Okay, and my older sister is a janitor for the post office nice. She loves it. Okay show me Yes, you don't really run into that many hot female janitor that's why I wanted to notice she got pregnant well I don't know I said it like that either so you're just she got pregnant she was a mail carrier she got pregnant so she couldn't carry the mail anymore. They put her
Starting point is 00:14:26 working And then a long story short she's a she took the janitor job Temporarily and then fucking loved it was like I got a clean one bathroom, and I got a government salary Okay, and blah blah blah so my younger sister is a karate instructor She's a black double triple black belt in karate she's had she says lunches and symposiums are your brothers did I've never met female
Starting point is 00:14:52 karate instructors that I've never thought of that I'm the girlie one in my those are two like guy jobs yeah I'm the girliest one in my family does she have her own dojo yeah she does well it just burnt down but she it just a little Jewish lightning if you know what I mean okay yeah sorry about the fire Thursday she has like lunch with fucking Chuck Norris all the time why I swear I was not all
Starting point is 00:15:19 the time you know she's been to many breakfasts and lunches with Chuck Norris Alright and so your dad owned a used car lot She was more on the technical side of do you remember when in the old days you could roll back odometers to make cars To make cars more. Yeah, I guess if you're selling my mother my mother was the best in the business My mother could roll back any odometer and other dealerships would call this is back in the 80s We just got a quick Google on the statute of limitations But my mother would roll back the odometer allegedly. Allegedly. She's a little tiny lady. She'd get up under the dashboard and pull it apart.
Starting point is 00:16:08 She even figured out how to do the, when they first came out with the digitals, she used a 9-volt battery and she'd just tap, tap, tap until it rolled over and then it would have the miles you wanted on it. Alright. Okay. So was the business successful? Like was your dad doing well? It was for a bunch of years, and then he got crazy.
Starting point is 00:16:28 He went crazy. OK. And so the business kind of floundered after that. Until you got old enough. And when you were running, it was a... Yeah, well, yeah. So the business went away. OK.
Starting point is 00:16:39 And then he went into the nuthouse for a couple of years, and he was kind of incapacitated for a couple of years. Gotcha. for a couple years and he was kind of incapacitated for a couple years and then he and my cousin and my father's my uncle we all opened a new car dealership and That didn't last. Did you put in on that like were you one? Yeah, I was one of the owners no kidding Yeah, but I was you know I was young I was just starting out in comedy So I didn't really give a shit that my and we were really selling sleds, you know, we're selling sleds Goddamn that cement mixes, you know, just fucking pieces of shit, but they only had 12 miles
Starting point is 00:17:14 Three accidents 12 miles some model team 46 for with 14 miles. That's all I wait, too You got a 46-4 with 14 miles on it. That's all highway, too. Garage cab. Cab, let's talk about acorns. Shout out to Acorns, gang. More importantly about that Acorns Early. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:17:32 Let's talk, let's go back a little bit. Who taught you about money? No one. Who taught you how to say? No one. Oh, did you have an allowance? Will you, did some of that get put away? My brother does a smart thing.
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Starting point is 00:20:21 Our listeners get 10 percent off their first day order when you use the code garbage at checkout. That's 10 percent off your first bid day order at hello to sheet comm with the promo code garbage do it and change the way it poops Let's go. Okay. All right, so take us back to the to the beginning you would you guys grew up in? Was it a single-family home? It was a two-family home. Okay, we lived in the it was a three-bedroom one bath Family home okay, we lived in the it was a three-bedroom one bath Upstairs and then we had a rental unit beneath us, okay And now that rental unit is now where my parents currently live and they rent out the top floor to no kid a comedian that We know that's where we live we lived above my parents wait. That's what you were getting the strippers. Yeah, yeah
Starting point is 00:21:03 Literally pass Tom's parents to get up there and they know we had to go inside Yeah, but just pass the door, but the door was unlocked and usually and usually open like yeah They would have the door open so you know shit. He was this wasn't a it was why was it would We were drunk so often it like didn't matter you know it didn't matter sure you weren't that well you weren't concerned with that At the time we would also play fuck it. What's it called jam band rock band? Oh my god until like 3 30 in the morning and Tom's mother would come up and be like can we fucking end the concert? Fellas I got strip is dead You ruin in the body babies trying to sleep. Yeah, was there a baby my sister?
Starting point is 00:21:42 I'm sure it's all baby when when my mother and father would watch the baby okay my house we'd be fucking playing rock band and I could only play rock band if it was at full volume because you don't want to hear the click of the plastic guitar you're like pushing 30 at this Yeah, I'm 40. Yeah, maybe Anyway, I'm a late bloomer I'm a late bloomer. I That's great. Okay. All right. I'm getting I'm getting a picture here. Yeah what all right I was gonna say so your mom basically worked with your dad when you were a kid a lot, okay Yeah doing and then various she became a VA Technician or something at the veterans hospital. Okay, very admirable work. Yeah, did that for a lot of years? She's retired now
Starting point is 00:22:30 My father's retired. Okay. What was the grocery store growing up the grocery store across the street from my house was stop and shop Stop and shop not bad stop Yeah, not bad and you had your own room. I had my own room You had your own bedroom and how were you as a student in school? I was Distracted I was I I wasn't a great student all the teachers always said the same thing like oh if you just great I'm so great to drink with Get this guy behind a drum set on fuck rock band I would go to the track sometimes and see like the dog track near my house and and when I what he when when I was
Starting point is 00:23:10 like 18 oh, you know my high school history teacher was always at the dog track and we'd hang out and Play quinella's what's quite? Oh, that's I think you picked two dogs It's a finish in the same like a box. I'm gonna be five has to be in there somewhere. Yeah, Quinn is five, right? Yes, man. No college Some college what does that like on an application when it says some college? Oh, yeah, I checked that one God, I went to Bunker Hill Community College, which is where Robin Williams good will hunting. Yeah Robin Williams. That's where they shot. All that was at my college actually about me. Yeah
Starting point is 00:23:57 Yeah, so we I went to Bunker Hill Community College for very short period of time I was paying out of my own pocket and I don't Know I got distracted. Sure. What was your first job growing up was it working at the video store video yeah a little mom and pop it called video Depot that's it was right around the corner from my house it was I got I think 350 an hour three eight newties in the back the back room they they had some dirty movies But the guy that ran it he was pretty like he was so afraid of because I was like a 16 year old kid He was afraid of my parents being like hey that guy is he touching you in the back or anything? And he was so afraid of that that like if not why not?
Starting point is 00:24:43 He was never like No, but so there wasn't an adult section in the back like a proper adult No, this was a tiny little place small much small a tiny little what year are we talking? Would you say you're working there? I might have been eighties 14 13. I don't know 14. I was probably 14. So 90 89 90 89 14 I was probably 14 so 90 89 90 89 Popping so that are Tom's age than he is yeah, I don't know it's all a blur. They're moving cassettes in there Yeah, we were I remember seeing
Starting point is 00:25:13 I'm here with the fun part about that job was the guy had an old-school Emergency call the police button under the desk right and it would directly call and I would lean back in my seat and accidentally fucking calling a robbery all the time like all the not again and the fucking police would come and it was but it was so sorry I got distracted I was leaning back and huh okay what were the family vacations like growing up main okay very nice we would go to main get the cab in the whole main experience one of the big Yeah, we yeah old Orchard Beach is that man. Yeah, ooh Yeah, I love old Orchard Beach and that is we do a ton of garbage garbage
Starting point is 00:25:54 I should I mean it was the South of France Should seriously you both said yeah, yeah I should think about doing a show in Portland, Maine and doing a lot sure on at Old Orchard Beach Okay, you'd love it. Yeah, fuck roll a little roller coaster in the Ferris pull up some photo You guys would love old Orchard Beach. All right is straight garbage And who would go on that vacation with you was there any extended family in the area? Yeah, we had a ton of extended family We do like family reunions at my uncle's house Not a couple towns over and shit like that, but no one would go on the family vacation So one I remember the most is Hershey Park Wow
Starting point is 00:26:32 That was big for us. Yeah, we would go there and to the chocolate factory sure yeah, okay And what was your first car that you that was like yours? I owned a 1986 Ford Escort Standard shift no air conditioner. It was a hatchback four-door. Yeah And it was it was fun It was a fucking good little car considering no air conditioners roll them up windows and it didn't have nothing I had an 88 or 89 Chevy spectrum very similar stick. Oh, yeah. Yeah I know the show tons of them back in it. I'll tell you though
Starting point is 00:27:03 Well, that was the thing my first car that I owned was that 86 s but I mean I drove I had a different car every week because we'd take you just get off the lot or whatever Were you allowed to just take cars? Yeah. Yeah, was there anything nice on the lot? Like if say you had a date in your high school. You had a date or something Well, this was later on after we had our second lot but somebody put a BMW 850 on consignment and I just drove that for sure
Starting point is 00:27:30 That's it. I never sold it either like I just drove it for a month and then gave it back to the guy So what's consignment mean? I want it Yeah, well like if you give me something and I sell it for you, and then I get a piece of okay I'm not but you never saw you you own the car car I got you give it put it on my lot gotcha, okay, all right Yeah, it's wild Christmas wise how was how were the holidays? Although a sad one for me, and I feel like an idiot is I think I was the last I was way too old to still believe in Santa Claus
Starting point is 00:28:06 I was the last of every while we talking the last of everyone was like 22 no I Think I was fucking I was way too old it was like 12 or 13 And I remember being at going to a cub scout I'm in a cub scout van with all my cub scout troop and the cub scout Lito was like oh, so you guys you know I hope you have a good Christmas you guys know Santa isn't real and stuff like that So we don't have to go through all that and everyone else was like they're all like yeah Yeah, we know saying it's not real, and I'm like what the fuck just happened. I want that I was destroyed Like I was I'm in a van all the everyone knew it was like finding out your girlfriend's cheating on you
Starting point is 00:28:44 You know like I was the last to no it was my dad the whole time Would you guys do a real tree? Would you do a fake tree real tree real tree my dad was stealing tree? Okay, from where get into that a little bit One of the tree lots you know like pop up in like a gas station or whatever So he would he would I think climb the fence and just not yeah and grab a tree in or two and then Hoist the moon because you get one for my uncle's family too We were in the given season And how far away were you guys list how far how far are these towns apart?
Starting point is 00:29:25 I grew up in the social ever it is a city and it's close to the Boston where he grew up This is much more houses on top of each other double decker gotcha kind of get off that kind of thing Yeah, I think it's getting a slightly night. No, it's getting worse worse They put a casino of his parents And I grew up in the sub, about probably no traffic, probably 45 minutes. Okay. So usually there's traffic, 50 minutes from there. So he would have been the trashier of the two. Yeah. City trash versus more suburban. But I remember Tom, the first time you ever came, I remember we had a fight because you referenced my face. You were like, Hey, you guys are white trash, and it was shocking to me. I was like what the hell
Starting point is 00:30:07 What do you I don't you mean? I remember that I was like what are you crazy? And then Tom was like well you do have a rolled up Carpet that the grass and moss has grown over in your backyard And you have a broken down car in the driveway, and you're one of those I was doing your show way back then that moment and the first time I did this show were two real eye openers you never told us about the rolled-up carpet yeah it was bad it took like 12 guys to pry it off and get it all water locked in shit it was part of the land but yeah I think I think you and I could have a good family garbage off and it would be pretty close yeah different kinds, what about family dinners?
Starting point is 00:30:46 Would you guys have dinner every night together growing up? When we were very young. Once I think me and my sisters became teens, not so much, but when we were very young and you had to eat everything on your plate because there's kids starving in Ethiopia. That was the theme at every meal was, you know, there's a kidney Ethiopia that wants that carrot Well, you left who you love to eat in your room And did you have a TV in your room? Yes, and I think yes. Okay. Yeah. Well, how old are you when you got your passport? 16 where'd you go?
Starting point is 00:31:21 Belgium really really so when I was in high school I dated a girl who had dual citizenship in Belgium and her family had, we would go over to the Belgian carnival which is a big beer drinking festival. It's fucking awesome. Now, okay sorry, that was the first one. At what age were you allowed to drink around your family? Oh. Because for my family included, dirt bag drinking families, that is very... I don't think ever underage really yeah, I mean they don't know he drinks Don't have them watch the movie and don't mention Santa Claus Okay
Starting point is 00:31:57 Huh you go to Belgium. That's pretty fancy I went a bunch and then from there you can get to Amsterdam real easy So how are you swinging those tickets and all that stuff? Well back then it wasn't a lot of money and we would we had a place to stay in Belgium with her family with right How to get there? Yeah, it was just getting there and the tickets weren't bad You could fly to Belgium for $300 back then, you know smoke on the plane And they let you drink over to the family let you boo. Well, yeah in Belgium There was no there was no... Can't stop me.
Starting point is 00:32:25 Did your family ever go to Europe or anything like that? My family has never been. They've never been out of Everett. Honestly, I think... No, they've been to Aruba. That's where people from New Othese go. Sure, yeah of course. They go to Aruba.
Starting point is 00:32:38 Yeah. Were you a crystal light family growing up? Crystal light? No, not really. What was on the table when you were having dinner so probably iced tea but powdered iced tea the four C whatever yeah good stuff and it juice a lot of juice I always liked cranberry juice I like the tartness of oh yeah you interest me to cran grape I really changed my life a few Brian Regan did that great pork chops clam cram chops Cran great that when we were sick. We always got cran-grape cran-apple ocean spray home run
Starting point is 00:33:12 I get the cran pineapple now with vodka. I mean it doesn't come with vodka I put the vodka but uh they make a cran pineapple, and it's a perfect Bay Breeze you know okay? What is the go-to drink for you in the morning of babies? You said bells Christmas ale Guy really likes Santa Claus when you're down when you're down here at Key West and you and you know, you're in your routine All right. Is it you get up and you're having a cocktail? No, no, I mean not on day Yeah on days off like sure if I have a day off, and I know I don't have any obligation I I'll start drinking earlier than I'm gonna be hard not to be talking 11 West
Starting point is 00:33:54 Usually not unless there's an event. There's a ton of events is always an event. There's always something There's always a pub crawl or a fucking parade or as there's always a reason to oh my god It's Tennessee Williams birthday, and you fucking well they're looking for we're having margaritas and bloody marys at Brian's house It's Oscar Wilde. Yeah, it's good fucked up. I got a recent text. It was like hey Bloody Mary's at my house 745 a.m.. This was like I'm not gonna be there for it, but Anybody get me to LaGuardia What was the first concert you went to oh? New kids on the block really yeah, yeah, it was my
Starting point is 00:34:43 Youngest sister's birthday. Okay. Well Christmas present and my father got a limousine and he got a ticket that he couldn't just let my sister go. He had to get the thing, even though I wasn't a huge, all right I wasn't. But and it was also Joey McIntyre's birthday concert. Okay.
Starting point is 00:35:02 It was like the Worcester Centrum. And we all, we were like, oh oh my god dad got us a limousine We get in the limousine. There's nine other kids that we don't know in my father and one of his buddies like Fucking shuttled like they made a shuttle bus out of this limb. I ended up sitting in the front with the driver I'm sitting with the driver in the front the whole way to fucking how long you've been driving yeah it seems like a good cake there's a bride and a groom sitting in there we got a swing by st. Paul's real quick now this is a great are you garbage store because it starts off going you're not fucking good and then you're riding like co-op the limousine
Starting point is 00:35:45 And this is was this before they really blew up or after they blew up it was during their blow up cuz that's gotta Be a big concept like the boys are coming. Oh, it's the Worcester Centrum, which is like I don't 25,000 seats, I don't know about that, but it's probably 13,000 Okay, it was pretty you know that's not bad That's pretty good new kids in the block the limousine honest the other kids and the funeral Growing up were you were you a dominoes or a Pizza Hut family if you had to do one It was that a thing did you lean one way or the other it wasn't really a thing where we live because? North Boston it's all sub shops, pizza shops.
Starting point is 00:36:27 Sure. Roast beef. Would you do Friday night pizza? Was that in the repertoire? We didn't order a ton of pizza as a family. My mother cooked a bunch. Was she good? Sometimes.
Starting point is 00:36:39 Some things. She would set off the smoke detectors every time. Like every time. So no. Yeah, I mean, she would just, I don't know, not good ventilation, she wouldn't open the fucking window and then, beep beep beep beep, every time she cooked. If she was boiling an egg,
Starting point is 00:36:58 the fucking smoke detector would go off. And what about the pet situation? We had a dog named Scooter, and we had a dog named scooter and we had it make it we had a Cat he's doing three of my For rolling backometers, that's 21 to 35 We weren't a huge pet family. We weren't a huge pet cats. I had a cat named misery Really a little black cat it was awesome They could it could fetch it was one of them like you throw a stick and it would bring it back and come back
Starting point is 00:37:30 I'm so until you Sucking the life out of me at night All right, this is what it so we're tight we're at Aunt Tootie's house now Do you have any answer uncles that you don't refer to by their real name like an aunt marbles or an uncle knuckles or something My auntie sandy her real name is Joan My sister's name is sandy and then I have another aunt sandy Yeah, so three sand is in my immediate family. Why do you call the one sandy if that's not sandy if her name is Joan?
Starting point is 00:38:03 I don't know. You know I don't know why that is What is your nationality? What's your background? English and Italian okay, who's Italian your mom or your mother your mom's Italian Yeah, and nothing with no sundae sauce or anything like that. I'm she cook. Yeah, no she wouldn't make lasagna Yeah, she would make all kinds of awesome stuff. Okay, catch a Tori's and Catch a Tory. Yeah all kinds of awesome stuff okay catch a tories and I can catch a tory yeah all kinds of it's not bad I got one now is there in your house in Key West do you
Starting point is 00:38:31 have a crown royal bag in there currently no okay oh that was gonna be a dead ringer yeah keep this crumbled up ones in there something what is the domicile down there in Key West? I live in a killer location. If you're in the book you let me know. That's what every dirtball says. Location's great. It's two blocks from the Gulf of America. So yeah it's a killer, it's a three-bedroom two-bath but I also you know I have roommates okay, so it's my you did that was left out of the document yeah do you own this no no it's in the document yeah yeah yeah oh I just thought they were your friends we don't own the
Starting point is 00:39:15 putt you just rent it we rent it okay so we it's two roommates one of them leaves for half the year so we have a open room half the year what do they do they go to Maine and work at their family's restaurant. Okay, and then come back and are they working when they're down there or just chilling for the summer? Oh no, they work when they're in Key West also. Dora, they. It's my roommate Dora.
Starting point is 00:39:37 So she is away half the year. And then my other roommate, Jill, she works at the library now. She used to be at the bank, which is the best. If you have a roommate that works at the bank you never have to go to the bank It's fucking awesome. What do you mean? so much brings bring to my You know if you get a check or anything
Starting point is 00:39:54 Yeah, I just leave it on the kitchen table and she'll deposit it when she gets there any problem you ever have with the bank She always was now I get library connections So that's your only one in Key West that can read. The bank that she works at is your bank? Yes. The bank of Key West or something like that? First state bank of the Florida Keys. My debit card has a manatee on it.
Starting point is 00:40:18 I'm not kidding. I'll show it to you. And this beach that you say you're close to, isn't it a thing where there's not a lot of beaches down here? Well, it's a coral rock island. So any of the beaches that have nice sand, it's imported sand from Miami or the Bahamas, they truck it in. Okay. For the most part, it's a coral rocky beach. Can you walk on it barefoot? I recommend
Starting point is 00:40:45 water shoes okay a pair of aqua socks aqua socks okay do you go swimming in the ocean a lot not a ton but often yeah you could wake up in the morning and go down and take a swim every day every single day I mean a lot of times we'll just go to a resort pool like okay or whatever well you probably know somebody that's a sneak in it's no they a lot of the resorts in QS or what they go to a resort pool like okay No, they a lot of the resorts in Key West or what they call local friendly as long as you buy a drink and you're Not being a dick you can use their facilities good. Yeah Yeah, it really is that's what I love about the town is it I've never lived in a place where I knew my neighbors He lived above your parents. Yeah
Starting point is 00:41:23 I knew my neighbors. You lived above your parents. Yeah So you're really living that Key West lifestyle down there Yeah, yeah, I mean not so I'm not like I don't go fishing at time My girlfriend does all that my fiance she does all the spear fishing and lobster tickling, you know lobster So the way you kept catch Caribbean lobsters is you swim down and you have a net and then you have a tickle stick and when you see their antennas sticking out from underneath a log or something, you put the net on one side and you tickle the antenna and then it shoots into your net and it takes six a day. That's how we got her. Caribbean lobsters don't have claws, right?
Starting point is 00:42:05 That's right. Do you eat them all the time? Not all the time. I mean, I'm from Boston. Maine lobster is clearly better. It's sweeter, more tender, and it's just way better. But Caribbean lobster, done right, can be good. Where are you grocery shopping down there?
Starting point is 00:42:20 Publix or Winn-Dixie. OK. Two fine establishments. Right next to my block from my house is a his Faustos food palace That's our local old town little mini market restore. Okay. Well, like everything's crazy expensive, but We go there and you're very tight with your roommates. Is that you're kind of a family. Yeah. Yeah, it's yeah I don't have yeah So do you guys will you guys have dinner together and stuff like that or on occasion?
Starting point is 00:42:45 We will like on occasion will all hang out go to dinner or have dinner at the house And what's the rule with the stuff in the fridge say you go to? Win Dixie, and you get some stuff. I don't know some lunch meat or whatever everyone's cool like no one takes you shit I take everyone's shit, but no one takes my shit, but is it okay? Yeah, yeah, if you want to store upset, but I don't give them well I usually have the intention of replacing whatever I'm taking and sometimes I remember to do that What's a normal meal at home for you? We do we do a lot of cooking sushi because it's the oceans right you know everything's fresh a lot of fish
Starting point is 00:43:22 I eat steak like as often as I can You'll make yourself a steak at the house once in a while, but there's there's there's a couple of restaurants in town So you're not a lot. I eat out a lot. Okay way more than we probably can afford but what's a normal breakfast other than that? I'm not a big deal of sunrise. I do a coffee in a joint Okay, but you are Thomas who eats less than anybody I've ever met ever in my life. I don't need a ton What you have today on stage? What you tell them your famous line that you've been doing for 30 years, which one you want to go get a sandwich I Don't know
Starting point is 00:44:01 You've made this joke 17,000 times. Hey, you want to get a sandwich? Oh, I just ate yesterday. Boom! That's gold. That's good. That's good. Hey, by the way. I don't know what the f-
Starting point is 00:44:15 He hung Joe out to dry. I know. I'm like, this is your go-to line. I don't know what this guy's talking about. It's weird that he's on the show with me, if I'm being honest. That was a big line for a long time I've stolen it are you a fast food guy I try a Subway is my the only one I usually really and once in a while. I'll do there McDonald's down there There is but you got to go to Newtown to find it. I don't even I don't go past White Street Do you have a car down there? I just get dumped it. We just
Starting point is 00:44:49 Kristen my my, she had a Toyota Celica convertible, it was really rough. And we just junked it, because we don't really need a car. We bicycle. Ride a bike. Ride a bike or walk. And my friend owns a rental dealership down there. And so he needs, I have a parking spot, he
Starting point is 00:45:07 needs the space so he leaves me a vehicle. Ah, so you can zip around if you need it. So I can zip around, go to the grocery store if I need a Home Depot. And what he's been leaving me is a lime green dune buggy, an electric, it's the most impractical vehicle of all time. There's no doors you have to climb in Duke's as it's style and Swile it's ridiculous. There's a backseat, but you can't put a human in it Rivian lobsters only
Starting point is 00:45:41 That's what I've been tooling that's what my my fiance dropped me off at the airport and was a lime green And how much time do you Like as far as like running the business running the club Are you are you working like you know eight hours a day at the club? I mean, it depends on the day. As far as like the administrative stuff. When it needs to be done. I don't do like the books and website update and shit like that. So you got people doing all that stuff. I have a partner, his name is Joe Maddowes. He's the one that started Comedy Key West and then he kind of brought me down to help figure it out.
Starting point is 00:46:25 So I booked the acts and I host the shows typically. This is almost every weekend? Yeah, yeah. No, it's almost every night of the week. No shit. So we do paint and chug nights. We do Ernest Hemingway in a funny way. We do different kinds of shows.
Starting point is 00:46:41 So you're living the life down there. You're living the- It's not bad. I mean mean we're coming into slow season. We just come out of spring break, which is gotcha That a whole month of just young You goes like doom bug I feel like Trim was about to be the one next to our cat. A lot of tail running around that end. Will you check into a hotel with a cooler if you're going on vacation? A cooler full of beers or so?
Starting point is 00:47:12 Not as a rule, but I think I have done that. Okay. And do you guys, do you travel from down there? Like, do you guys go on vacation? I like to go around the world. I'm about to... Really? Tomorrow. I'm going, really tomorrow. I'm going really Friday. I'm gonna Vietnam
Starting point is 00:47:29 The war is over man. I got I got some old school. It's over man Wait you and the fiance right and her her family her brother is getting married to a Vietnamese woman no kidding So I got the traditional Vietnamese wedding attire and what that set you back I'm curious hundred and twenty eight dollars or something can handmade embroidered with fucking cranes on it it's fucking awesome 8k 47 and a rocket launcher like construction can cranes and it's and then where you going you a trip. Yeah, that was the thing my girlfriend my fiance She was like we go to Vietnam for this wedding. I know fucking way
Starting point is 00:48:11 I'm going halfway around the world unless we can keep go sure I want to so where's the next stop Vietnam Thailand Nepal Dubai Turkey Greece Portland, Maine Dubai, Turkey, Greece, Portland, Maine. Oh, no, it shouldn't be Cleveland. Lay over there. That's not bad. You're going to end up in Greece. Greece. Yeah. An island called Santorini, I think. Buddy was there last year. You're going to love it. She got us. It's my birthday.
Starting point is 00:48:41 My happy birthday. And 50. Let me ask you. So when you when you ended up in Santorini? Uh, April 26th, I think? You might want to take a look at the situation over there. Why? What's going on? Well, they evacuated the island less than a month ago because of the volcano. No! Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:57 Maybe that's why the room was so cheap. I don't know where I'm gonna go with the boat. I did book a volcano-facing room. Wait, really? Yeah really I don't know if it's back go back to being safe Crew ship there you go Are you a cruise guy by any chance or no? I've only been on I think two crews. I didn't like it I don't know I feel trapped you're gonna love Santorini. It's beautiful. Well with my Cave she got us yeah hotel rooms in a cave Yeah, and it's got its own little caldera pool. Mm-hmm. Okay. That's a good time. You're gonna love it. All right
Starting point is 00:49:31 Well, that's pretty classy going around the world How many suits do you own currently If you had like a funeral tomorrow, do you have something you can throw on I got this shirt? Tomorrow do you have something you can throw on I got this shirt Probably a court Vietnamese outfit everywhere Yeah, yeah, I own it so I just bought a suit we were in Italy last I had a suit on I think You're sucker Real sharpened until you look good in a suit. It was linen
Starting point is 00:50:09 It was Italian linen and I got that in Italy. We went to Italy to visit a comic named April Macy I think I don't know. I knew you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah, she has a villa. Huh? Yeah, we Hung out at her villa. It was fantastic, but I just get around the world. He's traveling I always like traveling when I was young I did all of Weston I did the whole thing where you backpack for three months youth hostels been to Morocco Morocco Shipping it to the trash it up. He went to Morocco's on a hash Smoking out of a coke can Shipping it to plan to trash it up He went to Morocco's on a hash-bomb
Starting point is 00:50:53 Smoking out of a coke can that's what I'm really hoping for in coming in here is I know I'm garbage But I was hoping to be high-end garbage. I think so I buttoned up All right You see your t-shirt underneath the shirt. I'm cold. I'm always cold. I got a layer. I mean, that is a garbage. That's even garbage in itself to come in and want to be high class garbage. Yeah. I mean, you're like, I hope I'm not garbage. I know I am. Smart guy. You're well traveled.
Starting point is 00:51:19 You're living your life down there. You're doing your thing. Yeah. I mean. Uh I mean you pee in the shower yeah brush your teeth in there in my page no never I don't brush my teeth you were cologne at all my my girlfriend just got me Sex Panther cologne that a real that's a real thing now. Yeah, it's from the movie But they sell it's kind of nice It doesn't smell burns a little bit in the movie And what are you guys gonna do when you guys get married and what when is when is the is the wedding set?
Starting point is 00:51:57 The wedding is not set okay. Just got engaged. We're in Scotland. I proposed via Falcon I had a bird of prey swooping on the series really it wasn't a Falcon it turned out that they've got the Falcon was in a bad mood so they got a parrot they got me an owl it was an owl really yeah it was pretty awesome that's pretty classy fucking classy yeah it was majestic huh yeah it's dead in a castle that's pretty good yeah sounds good all right well there you go you You stayed in a castle. It's Scotland.
Starting point is 00:52:28 I mean, that's rich guy, that's like rich fancy guy shit. It was more of a manor. Okay, now we're moving to Gold Coast. It was more of a garage. You had a bird in a hotel room. It was made of stone. Okay. Alright. What's gonna happen when you guys get mad will you move in with her will she move in you live together current?
Starting point is 00:52:50 Oh, she's one of the room. It's just goddamn. Oh We would you her and Dora Dora and Jill my two roommates they live on the second floor. Okay, Chris and I have the third floor It's like our own bedroom. Gotcha. Okay, all right. That's a little bit different. That's how it's done.
Starting point is 00:53:10 It's kind of a bedroom. Yeah, it's a bedroom and a bathroom. The problem is it's the fucking third floor and I smoke cigarettes, so if I forget anything upstairs, I buy a new one. I'm just not going up the stairs. In the interest of the podcast theme, they do have a balcony, but it's completely rotted out
Starting point is 00:53:27 Yeah The landlord won't fix it It's a pretty good deal Okay, no, then I totally totally respect that That's nice, too. What is that a winter IPA the winter right guys changing seasons winter of 96 Can you doll is on the labor? Can you whistle with your fingers no are you double jointed no, what are you sleeping in? Underwear just boxers briefs. What do you do box of briefs boxer briefs gentleman? How well what kind of cigarettes you smoke rubber lights I was for
Starting point is 00:54:21 25 years I smoked parmins parli's like the blue the blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue blue Yeah, and if they needed to bum one I wanted to be the guy that was like I got you And so but I just recently changed about a month and a half ago to American Spirit yellow Okay, okay, and last forever, and I'm smoking way less of them. Yeah I'm not smoking as much as I normally do how many I assume you did Did you buy packs in Key West and bring them up? I assume you're not buying New York guy like I was not buying cigarettes in New York I bought I bought seven packs seven packs to get me to get me till Vietnam, oh, yeah, are you flying from here to Hanoi you're going home in LA? Okay, I'm flying to LA meeting up with the lady uh-huh, and then we're flying to Hanoi
Starting point is 00:55:20 So you have you brought all the stuff that you need with you for this trip and then for the world I mean, this is the only long-sleeve shirt. Did you check a bag or you just in Houston? I did two carry-ons just to my school bag and then caught carry-on I have a duffel and a backpack to go around the way hold on are you gonna like to bathe in suits? Backpack to go around the way hold on are you gonna like to bathe in suits? Like a moto a couple of a couple of you know how many pairs of underwear did you bring with you and it Okay, that's not gonna work. What do you mean? Are you doing laundry before you leave for LA? Okay Okay
Starting point is 00:56:09 All right, okay So you have everything with you you have that just the suit for the Vietnamese wedding with you I know the the picking that up in LA no It's being made right now in Hanoi. Oh made no kid. It was a hundred and twenty eight dollars in Hanoi dollar Like and it's being made there Yeah, it's being made. Yeah, okay, but it's all custom me nice embroidery. Would you send them your sizes? Yep, I had to go and get fitted for the it's called it. I'll a Dow is what it's called Literally translates to long shirt. Okay.
Starting point is 00:56:46 Alright. You open your eyes underwater? Yeah. Ever been bitten by a dog? Yeah. Did you ever bite him back? Have you ever been in a dunk tank? Like you're the one in the tank getting the balls thrown.
Starting point is 00:57:03 Oh, you'd be great though. No. Yeah, try harder you It's got the long-sleeve shirt on Do you like deviled eggs? I don't it's not something I go for but I've had and not hated. Are you a mayonnaise guy? I? Am you like mayo yeah Hellman's or Miracle Whip I actually like both Sometimes I combine them what yeah, that's a fucking are you garbage first? Someone said it like both let alone. Yeah, well if it takes a little off of the sharpness Takes a little off of the sharpness of the old marital whip. It takes a little of the miracle away.
Starting point is 00:57:45 A little bit of the tang. Are there any trophies on display in your home at the moment? In my home. Or plaques or anything? I don't think so. You must have some softball stuff. I'm a softball guy? All the, yeah, I ran the Boston Comedy Softball League for like six years or something.
Starting point is 00:58:02 I have all the trophies and plaques and all my my honorary high school diploma because I never graduated high school honorary high school diploma Yeah, because I I did a talk at the key west high school and they were like you got a diploma from a school You didn't go to right classy. Yeah It's uh key west prep or something like that. How'd you get into college? Uh, it was community college anyone can go I don't think that's I had a GED. Okay Why didn't you graduate high school with that? I had I just was distracted
Starting point is 00:58:35 I just wasn't good at it. I fucking hated it My home life was falling apart cuz my dad was crazy or living with another family for a little while gotcha And so you stopped going I just stopped going okay? Yeah, they got your G. My girlfriend was like you gotta get your GD, and so I did that It was the fucking easiest test I ever took hmm Man, that's wild honor. I used to do a joke about where I go I felt like it was filling out an application to work at McDonald's which I kind of was like I was filling out an application to work at McDonald's, which I kinda was.
Starting point is 00:59:05 What was the talk that you did at the school down in Key West? I just talked about being a small business owner in Key West, opening a business there and doing stand up and you know, blah, blah, blah. You know, it's a bunch of 16 year old kids. How to make a mean, bloody mayor. I wrote a 10 minute bit about how homework stinks. Take me to your leader.
Starting point is 00:59:25 All right, I mean listen I know a lot of that was for for mal for legal purposes We needed to do that, but I mean grade-a trash, and I fucking love you love you. Yeah, yeah But there is some class sprinkled in there In Morocco in Belgium do you read a lot? I bet you read a lot. I don't read a lot of class. I've been to Morocco and Belgium. Do you read a lot? I bet you read a lot. I don't read a lot. Okay.
Starting point is 00:59:48 I watch a lot of YouTube. Damn. That's not the same thing. Building 7, what happened? Holy shit. Tom Dustin, ladies and gentlemen. 100% Key West trash down there. And the movie, Portrait of a Com of a comedian directed by mr. Joe list
Starting point is 01:00:06 Thank you beautiful film as we said it's gonna be in select theaters this spring Notably it's gonna be in New York City at the quad cinema starting April 25th. Go see it It's absolutely fantastic and everybody down in Philly. It's at the Ritz five in Philly starting May 9th do yourself a favor It's absolutely beautiful. You love Joe list. You gonna love Tom Dustin go check it out a fan of comedy You're a fan of the show go fucking see it it is a fucking awesome look at at comedy from it's funny It's funny. I mean like killed in the room like proper Yeah murder at the premiere. It was insane I already said it's the literally the funniest documentary of all time and Ari
Starting point is 01:00:45 He's only seen two other documentaries one was about dolphins getting killed by Japanese guys But it's funnier than that Guys congratulations, and we can't thank you enough and Tom. Thank you so much for coming in This was so much more fun than Joe told me it was gonna be what I was saying It was gonna be the funnest time. I know and it's more than that Do you guys want to plug anything else you want to plug any more specific dates or anything or let them know? Oh, also the tickets are information you get it at Tom Dustin doc.com. Yeah, that's big and I'll be at the Wilbur theater
Starting point is 01:01:19 doing April 19th and there's very few tickets left and Acme and comedy club April 10th to the 12th in Minneapolis Fantastic. Bangkok Comedy Club I'm trying to do a spot there. Yeah, and I think it's April 27th There you go, and the club down in Key West is Key West Comedy. It's Comedy Key West. Have you guys done it? I should say I Messaged you probably years ago. Oh boy. No, and he got back to me
Starting point is 01:01:50 I was like I was like feature in the time like I have a little one to feature And he goes hey, man, you can't really make it work featuring why like it doesn't make sense right? We don't buy I'm the future yeah, nobody was like whatever and he's like got back He's like if you can if you can connect it to like Miami and whatever like that it can kind of make sense Let me know I'll give you that give you the names of you Which is like we in the county world does not happen I I know a couple of guys up in the mainland that also the main thing. Yeah, well Yeah, the mainland is a couple guys that run killer shows and a lot of times will connect and will route it
Starting point is 01:02:25 Yeah, which is it which is amazing. Oh you guys would love it. It's awesome down there unbelievable Joe list and Tom Dustin ladies Gang we love you the cards are on sale as we said do yourself a favor grab a pack before they run out We're gonna be adding the fall tour dates very soon. Yes, and we love you. We'll see you next week Pittsburgh and Cleveland peace

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