Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Yannis Pappas: New York Kid

Episode Date: January 14, 2021

Kippy & Foley are back with HOT pod featuring Yannis Pappas! The boys talk trashy accents, growing up in NYC, buying a gun and A LOT more. You know History Hyenas and Joe Rogan Podcast. Bonus Episodes: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage T-Shirts: https://www.PodcastMerch.com Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? You're Trash.

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is are you garbage the show we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out they grew up classy or if they're absolute trash I'm your hostage Foley coming at you on a beautiful day down here Aunt Toody's basement she she was on her way back from Washington yeah some people came to the door this morning and now I'll see her on Tuesday at

the arraignment sure my co-host is coming at you from right next to me he he's the the CEO of are you garbage he cooks the books he keeps us all in line gang the next time you reach it for a best pal do yourself a favor make it a kippy give it up for Kevin James Ryan hey what's up everybody first of all thanks for tuning in please make sure you rate with you subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube and obviously patreon.com join that fucking army of garbage baby help us keep the lights on what are beaks a little bit got bail money to cover yeah that we if you join we will answer one of your garbage

questions on there we will fucking do bonus episodes we do live streams with you guys check it out a lot of good stuff on there thanks a lot thank you kippy and how about a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire the pride of the Chicago comedy scene the fucking magic man T-Bone Toby McMullan T-Bone hey what up how about the bears wait we just come out oh we had a great game on Sunday the Saints came marching in we stomped them out or fuck Matt Nagy we've been saying he's a piece of shit all year we knew it was coming the loss ain't gonna stop us next year you should do two in case they lose do two different

versions just did yeah we checked we checked out with Toby Tom like you should do that thing you did well sorry okay say deep dish keep it moving yeah let's go gang we could not be more excited to have a really special guest here with us today we've been trying to work this out for a while yeah a lot of sit-downs out there on Dipmars Boulevard to make that happen yeah a lot of sit downs a lot of consultations emergency room visits a couple co-pays we had to hit yeah yeah if you go to want to go to my page it's called Yana's head COVID Kickstarter for my uncovered medical bills and then we almost didn't make it

here because me and T-Bone had a little miscommunication on the text yeah and I went to Queens first and then he told me he actually did send me the right one after he changed the address so I'm here thank God look at it we love it gang that voice you hear is our incredibly get incredibly special guest that we're so happy to have with us today he has his own Comedy Central half hour he has a stand-up special out right now called blow in the light of course you know him from the wildly successful wildly funny history hyenas in his brand new podcast out called long days gang do us a favor give it up for the one yeah the

only Yana's poppers yeah hey thanks for coming pal thank you that that was just such the world we've been living in for the past what you know here you made me nervous that whole time I felt you looking at yeah I'm looking at I stuttered on a couple of words and then he's gave me nothing on the end totally get arrested he gets the protest I laughed at that yeah I laughed at that Toby picked it up one on the old Mike there yeah I got you understand I know you're disapproving of my you did that bit with soda what do you want for me oh shit part of the intro yeah you look like the same two-bit joke down every time you

look like a guy who might do the same bit twice done looks like the guy who likes a few biz yeah definition of a hat if you know what I mean he wrote some good bits and oh nine and really phones it in he gave me like a real like good comic sure yes sir and then there was silence yeah because that's the world we've been living in we're just people at home you just aren't just eating watching and we're going like yeah we're doing a show I've got a mouthful of cheese isn't an interactive show hope you got your VR glasses on this is a world of are you garbage brought you by Oculus Pappas now pause for laughter pause for

laughter T-bone put that in post laughter for Yanni P you can hear the cheez-it's munching from here but boy do we adapt like roaches stick and baby stick and we are fucking the roaches of the arts yeah we're on rooftops we're in computers yeah we'll fucking show up in your basement your mom yeah do the same jokes twice anywhere fucking corporate zoom shows the whole nine make it fun of people's home office pretty shitty bookshelf they're gonna be a hundred dollars please yeah you know we're roaches dude you know you get a text me boy like yo you're going to show tonight yeah yeah the

one on the nine train yeah I don't know what times the train get in a 40 second I know there's all that pushing the show I got sent avails from stand up New York hey what time can you be on the 6th tree yeah I broke back I said lose my email address until you become a comedy club again yeah I'm too old to get an email like that I it makes me feel bad I respect it though and I I I've been saying that well just like what you're saying we adapt we're fucking we're still doing it I think the kids that are out there now doing the open mics who didn't fucking crumble and move home better do will be stronger in

the streets fucking a Washington Square Park on the tree that's gonna be a special class no they will be better waiters when this is absolutely be some top-notch baristas coming they're gonna be some hardened yeah we're getting you bread before you even ask for it they'll be dropping that shit they will have a great unsuccessful podcast you know you guys you guys got it you got a good one we're sick you gotta keep in the foot on the gas the buzz is there and like yeah so most people it's like what you want to do podcast in a book club and it goes for like I had six failed podcast this is our third third this is our third that

finally hit shout out to Schultz he gave you guys a little shout out yeah we did it we did that he did our show yeah he's been fucking great yeah I saw a bump yeah no he helped me he produced my special yeah it was great by the way yeah thank you your comedy club fantastic I love that place Emilio 100% he's a fucking guy who makes it happen no matter making it fucking happen all summer doing a million different things busting his fucking ass yeah gotta love him yeah he sees a strip club he's like let's do it I've been in that trip club and every time I go I ain't fucking going back and then

like four months later I'm like what a cash ain't that bad I've done it three times that I've done the same thing I never do it again they cause I'm like I got nothing else we love going down to the Clareage fucking couple of rooms get up Saturday walk around the boards a little bit down there in AC yeah little diner in the summer you know it's fucking great I don't mind in the summer it's like yeah AC's kind of like it's like America's it's like a America's path like you're walking into it's like the way Pittsburgh used to feel before it got gentrified you go in with that with that mentality you're gonna have fun well

if you're just like yeah this is fucking this place is a fucking hellhole and just embrace it it's fine but some people go down there like yeah we're gonna be like you know fucking shooting dice and stuff I was like dude it ain't that anymore take taking mushrooms and going down to going down to AC specifically to walk around the casinos walk around the board and just get all tripped out that's I mean if you look at it I mean that's fucking that's having a positive attitude yeah I could go bad quick though dude that's like being in a haunted house on Trooms some fucking god dude we were at the keynote table yeah we went

I was at what last time we were down there went into a CVS I was like buying batteries or something and the guy behind me actively bleeding from his face and I wasn't buying band-aid oh shit dude you could like thinking that he was buying a magazine or something I'm like what the fuck dude like you need attention a little fucking neo-sporum and some gauze there fella in the city is like you're in the casino you stay in the case you don't leave to go get one of those famous sandwiches dirt at night you do that at 11 a.m. do that with a noober yeah get a hoagie in the morning to keep it fucking moving I love the

Tropicana too because that's where he had where is he doesn't at the Tropicana Amelio right uh it was at yeah at the TROP well no then you just moved to the Clarion Hotel yeah but the one that it used to be at the TROP was like the stripper yeah yeah that thing because those fucking hell what was the name of the kiss-kiss bang bang kiss-kiss bang bang when I was it was bomb bomb bomb bomb every time I was there and the staff's just like wanting the show to wrap up as soon as it's done they fucking move the stage put the strippers on the poles yeah yeah good times yeah it's a tough one well you honest thank you so much for

being here today we couldn't we're very happy to have you we I know bits and pieces but I knew your kid knew your kid kid all the way like like Philly kids we like let you know we're we're like the Jews of what cities were from we slip it in in every sentence while I'm a Jew we go like I'm from Philly so you know what I shit myself all the time we're from New York so like you don't even we're always like you don't know what this city used to look like we're always telling you you're going like look I don't give a shit I'm here to be I don't care what fucking what it was like before gentrification I know you got

slices and all your real deal cool New York City kid 80s I was yeah I grew up in the 80s and 90s here so I it was a different city crazy and now it's back yeah dude it's over talking before we came on it's getting fucking dicey it's like John Travolta's career fucking back no hope fiction no chocolate croissants here my friend I'll tell you that no I did a condition like it yeah I did a sketch here actually around the block right here yeah because this is where it's like back again to what it was this is where dude this fucking places are boarded up shops are empty and the fucking the heroin addicts are just

running over here the bridge over here connecting the two avenues is ridiculous the tents just oh yeah is it a crazy how quick it can happen like that oh yeah just lets you know how tenuous and precarious good times or civilization it like the Joker said you just give it a little push I talked to someone who had like psychosis and they were like the scary thing is everybody's walking around they have no idea how the closely are to completely losing it at any second oh and that rattled me to the core that was like a decade ago I think about it every fucking day I'm like it's today today I'm going just like one one parking ticket

I'm gonna fucking lose it no yeah sanity is pretty precarious especially if you live in New York yeah New York is like a place that we all have Stockholm syndrome here dude you know it's so bad it just tries it's the city tries to fuck it to the point we're so fucked up that when we catch a train quick I'm like I love this place yeah just because I got on the train and like right away look at that real New York moment yeah yeah yeah it makes you feel good yeah it's complete Stockholm syndrome then when you go and you live somewhere else you're just like that's when you realize like oh my god I was in abusive

relationship bad dude you want to come back though hitting me you want to come back though I love it like a coke it's like a line of coke yeah it's like a line of coke every day you wake up side up recite on a Saturday fucking you know what but the crimes are getting like that like they're getting like insane we got to get that vaccine well I do that I mean the slashings are up on the fucking dude people are getting pushed on the fucking shetty was just walking around and he was like chopping through Google New York slashing there's like four a day love it yeah they love it a guy got killed at the dollar slice

two people two people died within two blocks from here and I was back the next day you can't pass up that day two brothers ain't too shabby check out two brothers all over the city ketchup and American cheese but you know what made by two Indian guys but what yeah I don't do pizza made by Indians what's your best really you know I go Mexican or Italian and that's my move what's your best life you Greek bag I go to Boston I see a Greek back there I'm not doing it yeah that slice just plain slice yeah but where though where you going to get a slice okay best slice slice spot I'm gonna go pizza Suprema which is you

wouldn't ever think it where is that it's in it's it's across from the garden across from the garden oh wait what yeah it's so you wouldn't think it but the slices by the slice fresh out of the it's on eight it's on nine it's on the ninth it is wait on night yeah it's on 9th below anywhere in the city it's like you know the post offices across from yeah yeah it's right below that right below that like tubes like half a quarter of the block it I've been there that's a good fucking good slice that is a fucking New York's like Brooklyn now that's the thing you wouldn't think of any pizza garden right well spimone is

good for the spimone gardens the Sicilians are great but they used to be better before the owner got murdered in his backyard really yeah yeah and then the other place Lucali which is great which is in Carroll Gardens is that the rolls it with a wine bottle that guy yeah yeah so he got stabbed on the court street like 19 times really yeah hilarious like during the day that's a Guitos not enough ice in the coke charge them for a refill that's like a pie spot yeah it came like one of the best spots which is funny because Carroll Gardens when I was growing up was like mafia and Italian and you can even tell

there's like a couple of social clubs still there and third Avenue and so he's a kid from Brooklyn who grew up going at DeFars which is like the old school greatest piece in the world right and so he modeled his place in DeFars and now the neighborhood's like the most expensive neighborhood in Brooklyn right it's nice and so now he got stabbed at like 11 a.m. on a Sunday we're like stroller moms pushing their babies from you know going down the steps of their four million dollar brownstones and there's some fucking Italian guys chasing me you fucking motherfucker you fucking owe me money you fucking piece of shit holy

shit oh my god oh my god oh my god Baker come outside yeah Tyler get out here Jesus Christ the Brooklyn our mom said we're moving to his happening crazy like your parents are always nervous when you move to New York just be careful don't look at black people in the face or whatever that's fucking nuts dude damn give us the full story yeah starts in the beginning I want me yeah I want to hear where I'm bro you're a Brooklyn I grew up in Park Slope so which has always been nice like if you grew up in Park Slope a little bit of cash yeah if you asked my podcast partner Chris yeah he would just he would

just call me the f-word he would just say it was like a so we are a smart kid right yeah I mean Italian or all Greek all Greek all hundred percent Greek hundred percent Greek so I could just add a curiosity why wasn't it how big is the Greek community in Park Slope not big so why wasn't it a story or you know something like that it's a good question because my parents so my dad grew up in Brooklyn uh-huh his dad owned a diner of course yeah that's just what we got a dough you gotta be one of them yeah do you remember the diner no I was because my dad my parents had me when they were my dad was 48 my mom was 43 which back

then was like what do you know now everyone's doing I'm gonna have a kid I'm like 60 yeah I heard of kids who's 39 the other day said I'm still young I'm like dude no you're not no you're not I'm still young though yeah yeah I bro yeah I just had a kid and I'm in my 40s so that's what we do now congratulations by the way that's why the Chinese are gonna win because we just don't not gonna have the manpower yeah not at all when they hit the fucking border we're just gonna we have no people a bunch of old dad's pushing well I'm the same way I mean I'm 34 you're in your your 40 I'll be 45 you're

still planning on having kids yeah yeah yeah yeah no it's good it's when it starts this is when it starts I believe when life starts mm-hmm yeah I hope starts at 45 starts at 45 I love it all right so all Greek yeah your grandfather had a dying of your parents had your late brothers and sisters two brothers now one were they born today they're much older one's ten years older and the other one is 16 and a half years old yeah I got that in my fact I got the same same I got a six somebody 16 years and ten years younger than wow yeah yeah divorce though yeah no so yeah he was a happy accident I was like you know a

couple of misca I'm here because thank you for the poor little beer out for a couple of my siblings who died before they could make it yeah I wouldn't be here but yeah I might have been I don't know what was going on I think maybe they were trying to save their marriage because they also had a law practice together they were lawyers okay they work together my mom was a human rights lawyer but then she also worked with my dad at his kind of law he did like he started with a personal injury then he did met then he did immigration then he did medical malpractice were they both born here they good my mom was born in

Crete when during she was there when the Nazis occupy it she was born she was like a little girl she remembered the island of Crete and my dad was born in Brooklyn his parents had a diner in so I think Park Slope was like a little close to the city they became like lawyers Park Slope was Park Slope was like it was a bad it was like an all Irish neighborhood that's why they it's the only other neighborhood Bay Ridge Park Slope and the Irish parade here there's they do a St. Patty's they parade in Park Slope still do they used to be all Irish like my block when I grew up there was tons of like retired Irish

cops and tons of what my whole family is yeah yeah it's what Philly yeah we're all fucking yeah everyone's a fucking meathead everyone's like a pipe fitter or a fucking cop and so and then like they were my parents were older so when they bought it they bought it in the 50s they bought it for like $28,000 they brought it from an Irish family who didn't even have like a gas stove or they were still doing like wood in the basement it's a brick townhouse attached okay yeah they're all attached so that's what you grew up in I grew up in that yeah and my grandparents lived upstairs now that's like a tenant like you know

really so my grant my Greek grandparents funny story this is this is funny and I wasn't alive yet but this is a Greek thing okay Greeks have vendettas you wrong us most old country people yeah Italian pizzeria owners too yeah yeah yeah but they'll like kill you in the street like Greeks will just like hate you secretly and passive family yeah you get born into a beef you get born into a beef that's a way that's kind of how it is family lay it on a village fucking yeah really backwards third-world shit so my grandfather and his brother were the business parts they started as like bus boys they saved up together they got

a restaurant okay and so he American dream baby my my grand-uncle lived with my grandfather and grandmother upstairs all three of them which is weird yeah that's gonna that's gonna be tension and like maybe my uncle was gay and you couldn't be gay back then like he had an Irish girlfriend somewhere or something but like he didn't make kids with back then just meant you were gay yes you didn't have any family and kids you were definitely like you were a little suspect little like the loafers hold on I want to comment I'll try to see that was he didn't make kids yeah you would never know he's gay except for the fact he

fucked guys if you caught him fucking a guy that's the only way you would know if you were in the bedroom that's the only way you would know you were the guy he fucked yeah other than that you sweep it under the fucking rug yeah yeah so my grandfather died first that's awkward so now my grandmother just lives upstairs with my grandfather's brother hmm and they didn't talk for eight years they lived in the same house and they didn't speak ever again until she died first and then he died they never spoke that's insane they lived in the same house eight years after my grandfather died how old were they at this time like it's 70s

like in their 70s yeah and I asked my dad like what was the fight over he goes I don't know they probably don't even know anybody nobody nobody fucking nobody gonna cover a dinner shift or something like something happened and then he's not fucking talking to me just imagine living in the house eight I mean that's you got to respect that I love that commitment to the hate oh yeah they didn't even talk passing each other like you know there was one bathroom on the second floor I don't know how they did that they're just in separate rooms and they kind of just I I have that in me though we've talked I've talked about it

I don't talk to my dad I saw my dad this is how Philly trash I am I don't talk to my five and talk to my father in like seven years something that I saw him in the last time I was home I saw him in a wall parking lot and we walked right by each other the most billy dirtbag thing in the world yeah I had my fucking dogs and Gatorade kept it moving yeah and you're an Irish kid so you never go to therapy you'll just drink it down push it down I wish kids yeah I had a six last night to take the edge don't feel that no why would I want to think about that shit keep it going I'm pushing right now something you know and

then the lady standing right there why do I got it like be a computer expert the whole whole thing listen in Philadelphia we apologize about the computer situation at Wawa it was some reason it was better when you order over the counter yeah they're trying to catch up to sheets they're trying they're trying to be something or not every everyone's that's the way everyone's doing it yeah just probably inventory because the dirtbags yeah probably stealing probably stealing hand they probably have to do it to fucking keep track of the yeah yeah coffee yeah cuz then you go like back but you know if you fuck up on

the mail you got to go back back back back you see everybody's dirty fucking fingerprints on it you know I mean there's like spackle and shit from the fucking lunch crew came in yeah everybody in Philadelphia you got COVID got it off a wall watch yeah I wouldn't be yes probably yeah so that's it yeah we grew up in Brooklyn some I think that was like a class like Park Slope was like that neighborhood that was like working class and then people from Brooklyn who I think got like jobs in the city they move there because the brownstones were nice cuz at first the lower part of Park Slope used to be nicer in the upper

part was like more working class and then it flipped like people wanted to live closer to the park that constantly happens yeah like soho used to be like empty that was like where the mob went to like kill you in like a warehouse yeah and then like wherever lesbians and gay guys go that's yeah it's turns by a fucking house they got a lot of cash they are no kids well they're the Marines of gentrification they go in first start a softball game they fucking get mugged a bunch they're tough those lesbians the first ones in gentrification like Park Slope down on Fifth Avenue which was bad when I was a

kid so it's like 7th Avenue Prospect Park West which was where I lived was pretty good it was good and then 6th Avenue was the line of demarcation and then 5th Avenue yeah it was like yeah 5th Avenue you got like it got really dicey but then lesbians started moving to 5th Avenue yeah next block by block mid 90s it started and it started all over New York that's when it started in mid 90s gentrification but before that makes a lot Giuliani Giuliani it was a lot a lot of it was Giuliani a lot of it was the economy the tech bubble coming yeah good stuff a lot of it was just suburbs being so horrible mm-hmm that

like kids didn't want to work at Panera bread and they just were lifeless dude I go back now my parents live in the Sun I go back now and I'm like oh what the if you got to get in the car to fucking go everywhere like you I'm gonna get a cup of coffee I got to get in the car drive seven minutes to Wawa Park go in ignore my dad get back in and leave you know what I mean yeah I love the burbs I don't know what you're talking about yeah well the burbs you just move you're out which we want to we want to get into yeah I moved to the country wait I got more so in the brown so in the townhouse if you we didn't have a goat in

the backyard that we fucked right I know where you're going I'm a Greek kid at some point there's a lamb in the back yeah fucking a little boy any boys did you make your own olive no so because they do that I mean you go to Greek guys house I mean they will be like a fuck they will figure out a way to make a vineyard they'll figure out like it yeah yeah yeah we'll do it that like a one foot by one foot they'll have it hang in yeah they'll figure it out to make it recreate Greece somehow but you were basically not an only child but it so when you started to be able to remember things your your brothers were out on

their own they were 1415 yes they were gone so by the time you got 1415 was their cousins it was their cousins no I was just they were all older so you and your crew it was me my friends yeah we I grew up with my friends basically but they all Greek kids Irish kids are all mixed it was a mix it was Irish Jewish Italian I grew up it's like a movie it was like sleepers it was like now yeah black kid Spanish kid Park slope is actually probably one of the most diverse neighborhoods naturally Colin Quinn grew up there I'm first he grew up to two blocks for me so that neighbor was just for some reason it was just so

diverse and it had like Hispanics blacks whites Irish lot Irish that it was originally like you know in the early turn of the century it was Irish and then before that it was rich before we're working class Irish was rich like a lot of those homes that's why those they're probably nicer home yeah a lot of Brooklyn was because Brooklyn was like the vacation homes for people live in the city the verbs yeah take a boat to go yeah 18 hundreds those those houses were built in the 1800s those were people's like wealthy people's country homes yeah and then like you know they moved out farther and it's how it goes

yeah I must have been awesome back then probably was awesome but yeah living yeah fish in the East River and imagine like if you were a killer want to kill people you could kill people and get away with it yeah that was wide open like I'm use no DNA none of that shit like cameras yes dude I was talking to my roommate I couldn't have killed him and gotten the bot like you would get caught yes there's cameras in our lobby cameras in the hallway cameras on the elevator cameras at the gas station your fuck and even if you're on camera they just fucking any hair you left there fucked they'll find you back then it's

like you had to see that you had to see the guy killing yeah like you they asked witnesses and they're like what's going on there yeah no of course we didn't see it he's gonna kill me nobody kills people out in the open you know I mean it's like a bronze tail he's dead in his room you know a Bobby would have to walk by this fucking nice thing all right you too all right all right so that's the picture yeah I like it good good student I was a horrible student so I went to public school till about fourth grade okay failure in public school then I went to private Brooklyn I went to Quaker school Brooklyn friends really

friends kids are friends we have kids where we grew up that's very suburban of yes so Brooklyn friends I cannot imagine you in like a Quaker circle where like everyone's gonna be quiet I'm not going to be quiet until you come over and suck this dick and then that's right I love them quick as they fucking quiet I loved it the Quaker school that brother went to one yeah silent meeting is cool classes hour of worship or what do they call it one time a week you gather and you sit in silence yeah and if you're a kid and someone farts it's the funniest thing yeah you can't stop laughing so yeah and then

every morning there's like silent Quaker weddings are really beautiful though so it's unerals are cool too do you ever go to one they just sit in silence they sit in silence and you're allowed to stand up at any time like there's no order yeah and just say something whatever moves whatever you're moved to say yeah you just like hey I'm sorry for the family or like you can share a story or memory it's like it was the coolest thing I had a wedding you're sorry for the family funeral with this fucking stuff over here yeah and yes weddings the same thing yeah but it's unless they move to speak and then the bride and groom just

stared each other yeah which is kind of a little weird but yeah but I mean it's cool because like if you're marrying the wrong person in that moment find out right there I went through the whole thing I was looking at her 30 seconds I contact I'm fucking out of take back the sterno trades it's over now they don't get credit man and you know they were always against slavery like Quakers cool yeah yeah and so then from there I got left back in ninth grade because quick dragon I Quaker school what the fuck it couldn't even be quiet for an hour hey yada you're gonna have to come back and sit again for an hour never

seen this before my life that's how fucking bad a student was I got left back in a fucking Quaker school fuck they let everybody you don't even get grades you get past or like that's minus or get a different piece of wood but obviously that to be the other Quaker religion your family's Greek or no yeah you know it's just Quaker schools nowadays anyone anybody yeah like my dad and my brother yeah and Charter Quaker school yeah you know back then like if you went to school like that it was like 8 to 12 grand it cost your parents you know now those things are like like 40 grand

it's crazy yeah yeah so yeah I did ninth grade twice and then how's that's so funny dude it was always my fantasy yeah okay to get my senior year of high school I was even though I loved my friends I wanted to get left back so I could play football one more time and be a little bit older and double the lunches yeah fucking Texas you tell me I leave that cafeteria fucking Mary makes those good sloppage oh no but I always wanted to but the weird thing is I've never the guy who got left behind that was it with the friends right it was it was weird because I was young I'm born in August I was always a little young

for for that great I was like when and I was just so I didn't go to class my first year I just would cut class I wouldn't go I got D minuses I was just a whole I was the class clown I got suspended all the time I was making people laugh I couldn't control myself in class so they just my my average was like 0.67 was like a D minus I was a D minus average of my ninth grade so they were just like in order for you to get into a decent college one day just redo it's almost like you failed that year yeah so it's like got a mulligan yeah so I just redid it damn which was weird so yeah so I for a while I lied to

I took one year back so like when people used to ask me how old I was I would say I was one year younger really my mind I'm like the fucking system took one year away from me I'm taking one that's that Greek vengeance right there system takes one for me I take one from them and then I just felt like a fucking woman doing that I'm not 42 I'm 41 13 with 13 with a full beard I'm 11 who takes one year back full chest hair I'll be 10 in June and then you turned it around no never turn no but I did go to college I passed went to American University in DC see that's a good school how'd you get in there

school well I'll tell you how I got in there this is American University if you research it I got in like the year after the the the the president of the school whose name is Richard Berenson at the time right he was caught making like obscene phone calls to students like really obscene like the jerky boys no like sexual shit okay and he was doing it for a while so it's a wrong city to do that yeah the fucking government yeah so they tapped the swarming with that yeah this is a great you can Google this story is a massive story so he got they caught him he wrote a book that he got raped by his mother he was a kid or

whatever he but he had tenure so that he stayed he's a really popular professor I took his class he was a famous scientist he's an astronomer but it really tarnished the university's reputation so you snuck in I got in a C minus student yeah yeah so right after our crisis yeah I'll come to your school they let in like a bunch of kids that you were like and the school was just like and then it slowly climbed back up in reputation there you go they opened the law school like they didn't have a law school and then it grew but so now when people say you went to a you I'm like yeah that's the time that's what happened the

Quaker school JV squad yeah yeah it like dipped in reputation I just slipped in that's fucking awesome yeah as I was a C minus student and that's a good that's now because my cousin went there yeah fantastic yeah yeah all right we got to get into some questions we're gonna get into some questions all right so what we're gonna do is we're gonna ask you series of questions to determine whether your garbage or not some from growing up some from now cuz you know we're suburban kids we're excited that you're out in the burbs yeah treating yourself fucking doing it right out there yeah also the double ninth grade

you're starting off kind of in a hole for the test well I want to agree kind of starts it on a whole right you're hard working you know what I mean is fucking guys work not for me and I'll tell you why because I live in Astoria I've been out there for a long time I look at those guys those Greek guys like you know the second third generation kids as all cool as shit yeah like to me I don't think you're garbage I think you're super cool you always got cool jeans on nice jacket shit very well put together well thank you yeah like an Italian in that sense yes they care they care so much about yeah so I see sharpness now I

understand you know the connotation you know immigrant background all that kind of stuff we've all been there let's let's not cut the cheese do you think you're garbage I know I'm garbage okay yeah I mean I know okay I mean my ass is half clean right now I mean I'm not you can wear this shit out of a Yankees hat Grace what's your kids looking nice I mean my my oldest brother went to Oxford Georgetown Law so in comparison you've always been one of the garbage I became what you know I started doing skits yeah yeah but still both I got kicked out of school you know you come from good stock at least I come from

nice people like hard-working nice people grandparents immigrated here my mother was born and she came here she went to law school she was Ruth Bader generation she was one she went to school with the she was friends with David Dinkins the former mayor of New York out the dinks yeah they hit on her he put his hand on her after he had kids in a family he's dead now so I just be honest I mean I tried to fuck my mom when they were in law school together so hard-working came up you know my dad came up working in his father's diner and he went to Korea I'll see you could put a wig on my job is to like do

cameo and I'm like what's up this is Marisa happy birthday Steven in West Chastah that's it your dad was in Korea my dad fought in Korea God damn yeah and they came back with the law school so they kind of moved to Park slope which was they lived in Flatbush yeah they were killing that's the American dream comes here their brother went to law school and then I came and I was like getting kicked out of school and smoking weed and you know that you reap the benefits of it baby come on that's what it's all about my grandfather's you know they say hey we work so hard so you don't have to I'm like thank you did you

mean it when you said it because I took you seriously yeah you wanted a better life I fucking got one I'm not at the diner 14 hours a day we're on our way to rock away with a couple of nutcrackers fucking have a job because you work so hard for nothing if I do that I love that fucking logic actually is the town house still in the family the town house is still in the family um yeah it's worth a lot more than was that way more than 28k yeah but it's in a trust so we can't because my mother has Alzheimer's she's in a so it's your it's secure so and that pays for great that's a whole legal loophole where you just you know

you don't pay taxes yeah it's good it's what your account helps you with that's what accountants for help you tax evade yeah all it is yeah any honest comments or any way are you garbage Kevin Ryan incorporated rates for the enterprise I love it when I hear like people say you know podcasters comedians seem like they're right wing it's like yeah we own our own fucking business yeah we're all small business you had to pay those fucking taxes you'd probably lean right yeah easy to be left-wing when you're collecting benefits from the government that's what I'm left-wing to Laura Ingram starts

making a lot of sense not too shabby to look at you see that fucking New York City UBT tax you're like can we move our studio to Texas somehow I know I'm so stupid with all of stuff he was telling me one of the main reasons Tom Brady might have moved to Florida is fucking no income tax same with Rogue yeah most people on the left are stupid about that that's why they're on the left what's I'm on the left yeah so it's like I leave you start making money you're going like I kind of understand what they're talking about well do my parents are going over their will and I'm like you know Trump 2020 you see in the tax

are looking at numbers I'm like yeah Jesus Christ yeah that's funny yes we do the hot one baby we got a hot up hot we love it honey comes in firing keep you want to start it yeah all right now that you're a big one here now you're out in the burbs right yeah what supermarket to you or your wife shop at shop right that's nice what they when you were in New York what were you shopping at I never I ate out every night that's why I'm surprised I got COVID bad it's like because I didn't get sick after that cuz like we were used to just like yeah rat pisses on everything yeah how long how long have you been out in the burbs we

live in more of a country setting I'll be honest really even further the burrs you always the burr is the country yeah but you guys in the city you think that's the country it's true you see a fucking dog they got horses money got cattle out here Johnny get a cab we're going back to Queens fuck out of here with this I guess it's kind of bourbon yeah so yeah it's a little barbie yeah but you don't get it I live like in the woods yeah it's like guys there's the fucking trees out there I have my own mailbox suburb it connected to my house yeah I've never had any that's yeah this is what's awesome you gotta get a

new roof I'm like why 30 a roof 30 a roof like what are you talking about the landlord on the phone that piece of shit who did you drive I'm like yeah the city I got a fucking tip the garbage guy I'm like that he says hello to me I'm like why do I got to know this guy yeah that's dude that's a bourbon living baby the bourbon living people can tell out there if you come from the like New York or because you can't hear our front lift and wait on a wife grill it in the front yard like a dirt ball hey Marie because you're like people want to talk to you you're just skeptical yeah I live across the street

like your hand on your wall sure you do let me see your fucking passport I saw you look at my house did you yeah look at you liberal kid grew up in New York I got a gun now it's different when all those wild bears and all that people say like our guns it's like yeah I believe in gun control shit but like it's easy to say you're against guns when you're in New York you know you call the cops somebody breaks into cops they're quick everything's on time you're out in the country yeah in the fucking country you know the roads ain't plow you're like they got a fucking they got to get in a canoe to get to your house

and awake the horses you know what I mean yeah fucking everyone had a gun in New York argument in the train would end like a Quentin Tarantino movie it's actually one of the questions I've never had you ever slept with some sort of weapon by your bed but I guess you answered that voluntarily yes Brooklyn when I was growing up was bad New York was bad so we grew up with a lot of fear yeah and anxiety it was just bad everywhere so it was like you got my growing up I must have got my hat stolen like a hundred times it's like you couldn't keep a hat you would just it's a true thing what would they do

it's not an exaggerate you you would turn a corner quite literally and back then it was just roaming packs there's a lot of kids running around fucking you turn a corner you see 20 kids on Halloween they would kids would roll like hundred deep and they chase I've been chased got jacket stolen it was like been beat up it just happened I remember me my friend when they walked down the train station I mean my friend Zach Zarbha who's an NBA ref now Italian kid he's an NBA ref that's a New York thing they still say somebody they say the full name and then they're ethnicity

you gotta give them the whole rest of us an ass polo good kid fucking polo I mean kid was okay it's all right kid we're being a polo you're a good kid you gotta give them the resume so we walk down a jump shot like crazy you want to believe actually it's good good player yeah we walked down the stairs I remember it was just like we walked downstairs the train and this is how it would happen back then and you just when you went down the train you just the kids were there and you just your heart say there was no chance it wasn't gonna happen you can't turn you turn around it's 100% you're done either way I'm scared of the

showtime dance yeah and here's the thing the funny thing about New York that's hard to describe to people is it's like there's no chance that it wasn't going to happen like it was going to how it was going down was the yes you it was good they were gonna do it you were gonna be the victim and it was done there was no like wow there was no thinking like when it happened you like I can't believe that happen when it didn't happen yeah when it didn't happen you were like holy shit that didn't happen yeah cuz that never you all this city best city in the world you would at least get smacked or they would say something like

you know you just hear someone call you a faggot it just happened yeah bleep it right T bone trying to keep you too bad right you just called you get called something but most of the time you get kicked or you just get robbed so I remember that time we walked down I remember we both kind of like it's just a you just and then we went and sat down and just waited for it you remember you were going I was I was wearing a walkman and we were going to yellow one I was suspended from school and we were going to that my high school to pick up my girlfriend and her friend and we were gonna go hang out cuz he was he was

hooking up with the friend nice yeah so then I just went to meet my girlfriend the winner with no jacket what time I walked home with no shoes that happened to what oh yeah on Christmas and I had my Christmas money that I saved in my bus pass thing you know your bus pass thing yeah so like yeah they just took they came from behind me was quiet six kids took my timblons off the whole thing did you get the timblons for Christmas no I don't remember where I got the timblons but I definitely day I definitely walk home take them off or did they take them off they took them off they asked me what size I was to and I told them the

truth I'm a kid six I should be like I should be like women's one yeah these are orthopedic they're prescription they won't work for you I got a small cock to leave me alone I got athlete's foot I know I just told the truth I was like I'm about a nine yeah the most at the most standard size for for young adults kid was like I'm not in a half so my I walked home in the icy snow and socks it's cold yeah this is Christmas day that was no before Christmas so it's like sometime in December before Christmas yeah yeah so that was my I had like 80 bucks in Christmas money but it was my fault for

carrying it like having enough because back then they actually in New York they had something called mugger money so you would walk around quintos and you have money it's true to you have money in case you got robbed they wouldn't hurt you have a 20 yeah here you go yeah that's how wild it was my dad's car got broken into during the day while we were waiting to get into the car that's a true story he banged his hand on the hood and broke his hand he was so mad because it got broken into like nine times people would have signs in the window that said no radio in car and used to pull it out and take it with you I mean how hilarious

yeah I remember that you can pull out the faceplate on the car was fucking we were we were like getting our jackets on with the door open in the middle of the day they were so good at robbing radios and shit some guy jimmied it while we were getting ready and robbed the car in like minutes and we came out and they were gone and my dad was just like he just fucking broke his hand must have been a quiet ride hey dad throwing a couple of them I keep your fucking but I want to ask my parents like you know my father just passed by but I like why didn't we move you guys were lawyers yeah I mean I'm from the

birds but I get it like I could never I mean I guess you know doing well how something the burbs yeah but country other than that guys in the country okay I don't embarrass them with the suburbs well they nailed it before even if you leave for a little while like I was away for two weeks I couldn't wait to get back yeah yeah it's not it's nice out there you sleep a little better it's a little quieter you know there's a little too quiet when I go home like to my family here the owls yeah I guess it's too quiet yeah I need something you're getting used to New York yeah and you can't live in Philly's not a city you

can live in right cities Philly's like block to block Philly is very block to block you like on the block with the fucking this is where Benjamin Franklin he turned the block and you're in an episode of the wire yeah yes Philly's always been a city I say you have to keep your fucking head you have to check your six you know what I mean like you can't just be what anybody can get got at any time in Philly they could be for not saying thank you for someone holding the door anything yeah you can get got say thank you when you walk into a wall you know how many times I've seen flights in Wawa's parking lot yeah say thank

you yeah they just go you're welcome and you're like oh here we go and if you don't bitch off and go oh shit my bed I was thank you thank you and it's a thing that's fucking it's all I remember I fucking walked into a wall was and there was just some guy bleeding on the steps oh yeah it's just like it was three in the morning yeah it's what happens in a wall I was a three in the morning yeah I guess somebody didn't say thank you all right so first first venture out to the burbs of the country yeah you got the house yeah driveways paved I had to get repaved it after I bought it look at you yeah I did all cash though seven

grand not bad yeah it's a long driveway got a guy now garage well he dropped the price seven grand seven grand cash yeah well if you tell the guy cash it always cash is gay I learned that like six yeah everyone is trying to not pay taxes yeah yeah that's why socialism will never work for these are big ones to benefits of social but nobody wants to fucking pay for somebody else find a contract that'll take cash and a little bit of a less of a little less yeah probably you gotta have cash which means you're probably doing something illegal yeah cuz nobody has cash yeah I've been hiding that cash for a long

time just like cash from gigs that I just hide yeah don't report hope the clubs don't report it oh yeah that's you it's always it's always getting the W2 or the you know whatever the W9's back they're like oh they only reported 18 bucks this year cool I mean there's such scumbag let me just I mean a lot of club owners are just the filthiest pieces of shit send you a fucking W2 for like $500 you like you couldn't it just like just yeah yeah and that's somewhere we're fucking we're we're we're crumbling for crumbs and they're like fucking alright the government's got to know about this 500 this one night or I

did it your fucking bar yeah you know podcast like a rapper huh you podcast like a rapper you're like you're like I'm fucking I'm not paying my taxes I got two bodies on yeah yeah Yanni gets on a track and lets it all hang out the driveway pain little young got the driveway pain seven gram cash seven grand cash pay me in fucking cash I like cash I got a gun I'll protect it when you got a gun you got to go to the range which is how it's you got to learn how to shoot a shooting yeah that first time worry that's good yeah you gotta learn how to do it that's good how's your shot not great but I'll scare the shit out of a motherfucker I

point it close my eyes and my dog but I'll get him I'll fucking get the guy I got you know ten in the clip yeah well friendly fire on mittens I mean collateral damage it happens a little fratricide garage garage yeah okay now big thing on the burbs now if you don't have this yeah okay you want to enrich your family's life yeah out there it's just something that you should do you have a garage do you have a refrigerator in that garage I plan on putting it somewhere yeah in the basement or something yeah yeah yeah gotta be filled with beers yes I'm fucking so there's me yes you put the fucking ice cream put

the ice pops and shit in there for the summer so they're not gonna come into the house okay yeah all right that's it okay you gotta do a garage fridge I see that that's a big thing in houses cuz that yeah yeah that's yeah that's like dude to live in the suburbs you know fucking you got two fridges yeah night yeah the cellars in Brooklyn you can't have another fridge can't move it down the stairs don't make the turn you wake up this is a fucking huge water bug in there yeah all right I got one for you what's the name this is a three-parter I guess the name of the place you get your hair cut how much it cost and what do you

tip I get my hair cut now for my mother-in-law in the house in the kitchen oh you can take the kid at a park slope but you can't take you got money yeah yeah yeah hair cut takes four hours cuz you gotta start the gravy you gotta get the meatballs going you gotta get the meatballs going you gotta get the game going get your bets in then she shows the fuck up she's yapping for fucking 25 minutes you gotta give her a fucking Bailey's money I think that it was pepper do you break her off a little green boy I haven't really tip she does it for free before that what is she a hairstylist

hold on used to be a hair stylist professionally yeah she cuts a decent hair we're just using a fucking secretary yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and then before that my boy Stefano and Bayridge shot out Panache and I'm still quick cuts Chris's hair okay gosh what a name for a fucking barbers I imagine that was always a pretty big thing for a city kid go out get there fucking yes did you ever have did you ever have lines in your head when I was a kid I did look like Sean King as a teenager yes I did hair cut blow the fade the whole thing yeah I wanted to be Puerto Rican I dirty mustache here a lot of people in the

90s want to be Puerto Rican you want to be put a couple of my Irish cousins good girl wanted to be Puerto Rican it was it was like hip-hop culture that was when it hit yeah so it was a big fee law sweatshirt man good they were drawing their eyebrows it should yeah people used to put cuts in their eyebrows and did that but that shit was awesome yeah I mean you look cool as shit when I when I was a little kid was like rap started yeah like I was yeah I remember I remember when rap started I was like five years old you know we're 40% man yeah I used to put fat laces in and everything yeah we called them New Yorkers there's a

record near big fat laces were called New York I want fluorescent colors and all that shit yeah and it was just part of like you I played basketball and baseball so it's like Puerto Rican kids black it that's just what I was the energy yeah it was like the new thing it's like podcasts yeah I think Biggie did it yeah when you had the regular barber in New York did you ever have a photo with your barber yeah you always take a photo yeah yeah yeah you take a photo with the barber yeah yeah of course all right I got it as funny so you're going you're out there in a country you're going to friend's house you know

let's say you're going to verges house for dinner you and you and the Mrs. yeah yeah have you done this have you ever seen my best for yeah I mean we hang out all the time yeah you got you got a built-in best friend out there yes you got your suburban best yeah and the wives families we hang out all the time cookouts the kids barbie and go see fireworks everything man yeah he's a good shit hey I've said this before he's the only guy I've been on the road with that he takes you we go to like classy wine bars yeah yeah we got like meat and cheese place nice yeah he's like try this meet with you where he puts out a

nice fucking barbecue yeah yeah worth the July barbecue legendary stop still waiting on the invite Paul yeah I mean that's why I mean yeah why am I trying to hang out at the table baby forgot we're doing a show here yeah you ordered an espresso yeah Charlie just bring us to check okay no he is the best host him and his wife Stacy the best it's always spread he's Italian to yeah they take pride they take pride in all that little shit so this that that being said you're going over versions for dinner yeah you know it's gonna be nice you know you're bringing a bottle of wine how much you're gonna drop on

that bottle of wine a lot of good ones you're like 15 to 20 bucks so you know what you're doing you go in blowing I'm going coat the wrong any coat the wrong will do yeah and or not if we want if we're going crazy here which if we're going a verse I'm getting a bottle of Jordan that's gonna be that's a Jordan cab it's a hundred yeah a hundred dollar bottle of wine so we've done that too we don't and when we used to drink scotch we would do lagavoon 16 we don't fuck around yeah yeah it's worth you know like nice things I like nice things like nice cigars you know couple of sticks we do a couple sticks we do quality

I'm at the age where I like quality yeah so I gotta make a hundred bucks on a buy I might be that I might be the biggest but when you taste it answer it's worth it sure yeah Jordan cat it's just Jordan cab's top shelf good stuff it goes down like my wine can't have a bite I want the wine to go down like yeah like a little bit I'll know bite no but I also don't know anything about wine I want my wine to sound like you're tiptoeing down the stairs with socks on you know like nice and smooth and quiet as trashy as I am I know a lot about that shit but it's because I was in domestic purposes because I was a server at a high-end

restaurant for a while yeah and also you guys are comics so there's a little bit we're all little gay little bit yeah yeah yeah you guys probably had family your friends were like iron workers or whatever and then you're like come see my show yeah dude I come from the kind of family that will make fun of me when I go to Starbucks yeah I just fucking go to Starbucks you guys like Duncan family Starbucks is definitely one step up from Duncan dude I've gone to family parties yeah and like they'd be like oh mr. Starbucks is a bunch of fucking mooks yeah I remember the first time I asked my I think it was my my parents to come and

they're very supportive they're absolutely fantastic and we were a little artsy but what I remember I invited into my first like guitar music open mic my dad thought he was like coming to see me in like a tutu pull your side at the end like so are you a guy yeah I mean tell me now it's all right yeah yeah what is the most you've ever spent on a pair of jeans not much I do Levi's I'd say yeah everything's Levi's or Banana Republic discount at 86 Street and Bay Ridge huh so I'd say 70 bucks maybe 80 bucks I would have I was expecting $500 now the trick about jeans you don't got to go expensive with jeans you can even go

Uniqlo they make decent yeah yeah it's all about the kicks nobody cares nobody nobody knows the jeans they're blue jeans or black jeans keep it moving the same jeans that when I go on the road like I used to do in weekends though I bring one pair of jeans seven pairs of sneakers different outfit I don't know what kind of day I'm gonna have we're the same clothes are you a sneakerhead bins and I was a little kid I'm original I'm an original sneakerhead what's not what's the longest you've had a pair of shoes before putting them on a long time yeah but years I mean I have a few I have a thousand dollar pair of Tom Ford's

Jesus that this how much of a sneakerhead I was I had a show called a two-point lead on AOL AOL has a lot of you they used to be they made a lot they were owned by a they were time Warner time Warner yeah they had a lot of money so it's like we had a big budget shit so we were doing like the new front this is before Verizon bought them so we got a Gronk to be in our they had money yeah yeah so they were outfitting me and I was like all I cared about sneakers and they were like you got plenty of sneakers I was like no you were able to keep these I was able to keep this move but I'm keeping the sneaks this is how

I finagled it I'm like I just you know I feel like when I'm left I'm like when I have new sneakers on I just bring it yeah I just bring it you know it's just a thing and they're going what are you talking about you got so fucking I don't want to wear my own and so I said how about these and they were like are you fucking crazy they're a thousand dollar Tom Ford's hide top black leather and then they so they said okay finally I got them I negotiate when they paid 500 so I got them half price and they were they're dope man they're fucking dirt oh what was the first that's fucking dude that's so trashy I love it and I

tell you sneakers on your friends that I read right I run so when I lived in Miami she I worked in Miami for a year I should and then that's why I met her she worked at a because I got to knew her come what's like the sacks or some shit right so she Barney's Barney's I was just she's to get us gear yeah she's real sharp with all that stuff she knows good clothes good fashion 20% off I was fucking racking up yeah designer kicks yeah when I sell those shits on Poshmark they're gonna be worth a lot yeah what was your first point got you into it as a kid would you buy a pair of Jordans the first the first ones that I

could remember I was big on whether Jordan ones because we were kids yes when that when that happened when Jordan started and the Jordan ones hit it was the Jordan ones were the first ones I was crazy about but even before that it was like kangaroos like me and my friends get into kangaroos really with this you put that fucking wild wild cats but definitely kangaroos yeah Air Force the old George town the weapons it actually started with the weapons the magic and bird weapons like your friend would get the the bird you get the magic that's where it started was the weapons and then the Georgetown

terminators high top those would then those became hot the whole the Hoya terminators I still have a pair of those who is the who am I thinking who was your sneaker had your fucking trash right yeah yeah shoes yeah fucking adult yeah I mean when I was a kid in the 90s like a little kid the fucking L.A. lightstrop that was a fucking game changer when the L.A. lightstrop you wore the L.A. lightstrops you're trash and I mean they were fucking trash they didn't fit me and I had a what they were like three sizes too small but I'm like no they're good they're good I was trying to get Patrick Ewing from Georgetown

yeah the Ewing Patrick Ewing the old ones people were ugly they came back big yeah I remember my cousins who were like seven years older than me they played Division III college basketball and like they were big in the high school basketball yeah and then having like the converse and stuff like that yeah fucking yeah yeah it started really that it started in the 80s with like those converse and like the macaels and people that's when people started getting into it and then the Jordan that was the game changer Jordan once put it on and the twos threes and then the threes were huge and it was just like yeah so you

have a pretty sick sneaker collection I do but the thing is I'm not vast like a lot of these I'm I'm sensible I'm not a I'm frugal okay so I I just I'm a Greeks are like that we don't like to spend crazy so it's like but I have spent a lot on sneakers $500 a lot yeah so I don't have a lot but I got good work I got a nice I got the ones I like I like and I keep buying them every year I don't I don't venture out yeah yeah you got a wheelhouse that you stay in we're in the 95s right now I got like 17 pairs of these in different colors yeah yeah yeah dude I know that Versey's also sneakerhead yeah I imagine you guys with

like a scotch and a cigar and a piece of steak like you're in the closet like look I got the Tom Ford yeah first he's funny too he'll like wipe him he'll walk a certain way so they don't crease oh yeah I'm like that's going too far man he'll walk like this he waddles a little bit yeah yeah I don't want to crease I'm like what are you talking about I would imagine his house is impeccably clean his house is pretty clean heck of his wife she runs shit she's the best yeah she right yes she's great she's fucking the best good stuff alright you guys are searching for trash you're not finding that much there's not much I'm a pretty

classy kid he's fucking classy New York kid on her hands right here I don't know what the fuck to do he's got fucking thousand dollars but he haggled down to five hundred I don't know what the trash you move she fucking move you're haggling over a pair of shoes okay do you currently only own any boot cut jeans why you you're Philly really fucking just like your zipper came out in yeah I got another question just down the road yeah go to see you right down there my cousin's drop diet keep so bad just get me a fountain cute from McDonald's Saudis yeah do you want any do you own any boot cut jeans

no okay no no have you ever ordered a red striped beer yeah yeah have you ever recommended a book to somebody that you didn't read but said you read cuz I make my living doing that shit um no I don't think I've done that okay I gotta be honest when you lived in the city would you was ever a doorman situation you ever have a doorman when you guys live in the city no maybe towards the end you and your girl no we never lived in it always lived in Brooklyn I've always lived in what I was getting at is I'm curious who if anybody do you break off for Christmas what do you do you like holiday do you break off a little bit

of cash no one yeah and here's even worse great keep it tight I don't order anything but water is in the green room I don't tip Chris Chris got mad cuz Chris like likes to you know he grew up with all the union guys so he like throws everybody everybody you're a cheap fuck he got mad of you I was like I didn't order a thing isn't that how that works you gotta leave a dog if you're a high school kid at a fucking ponderosa like that only thing I drink was water you water you gotta break out a couple of water what I did sunny or feet but Fuji's are here's the thing I'm you like whoever else is there opener

or host whatever they order they tip and you know I didn't so they ate I didn't eat the headliner you're doing I know that I'm off at 20 that's what I heard that's why I think I'm wrong yeah probably wrong but I mean we're not making that much fucking money they're making money for the week a week and they've made more money than me that doesn't matter that's so fucking out of control commie talk I don't like it why don't I we need to pass the fucking bucket around with the fucking shit they pass and then they send us the WT use scumbags and I called it a WT yeah I knew what you man yeah he's heated it's

okay they put five waters on there I mean you ever think about what these waitresses make in a club and then they got the fucking balls to talk like and be in a bad mood I'll like you're the one we should sit down when they'll be like it doesn't matter for a percent it doesn't matter you got it you gotta break off it should be come on it should be standing standard operating procedure to have bottles of water in the green room sure so what am I tipping them for for for making more money they're making a lot of money it's a thing they make a lot of money I hear not wrong

you're not saying you're wrong and it's not and they don't have to pay taxes on it it's cash it's cash if you were a waitress in a comedy club and you're doing four shows at night or three four you're doing well but they're working in the service industry you're like Dan Soder used to give you a hard time about this you cheap fuck yeah I was like how much did you make you like they were going they always go like I have five seven hundred dollars cash I walk with it like I'm not making that yeah I'll tip you but I mean let's not whenever you go to dinner with Soder Soder would go like here's a hundred

and he's like you don't know what they're going through I'm like but they fucking took our order and then Mexicans came and did everything else that's not true at all but shout out to the guys in the kitchen fucking love you I'm surprised you never worked never did never did never did I worked uh I did too busy getting high with this good time buddy yeah I did social work for five years that was when I started doing comedy and I used to work at nightclub I used to work at my dad's office every every year

every summer all summer I'd work at my dad's office this is Greeks that's what they do you work come work for me yeah child labor you keep it in the family yeah you could have been in the diner just as easily at all yeah he could have been his dad actually got you could have been you could have been yeah but his dad actually got mad at him for wanting to go to college he didn't understand that yeah what are you gonna do yeah see I saw that as the American dream like the you know an immigrant comes here they bust their ass and then they want their kids to be college educated not Greeks they're like

well you're gonna live home take the business what's the problem who's gonna finish who's gonna make the omelette yeah I started you finish yeah Greeks his whole family works here whatever you you know and Greeks trust nobody you notice when you you can't hand the check to the waiter you got to walk it up to his 80 year old wife I try to hand the cash personally we're paranoid they don't want nobody touching the money nobody just pay up front pay up front that's when you're in a good spot yeah yeah they're paranoid people Greeks yeah we don't have an omelette though hell of a fucking omelette I mean the diner

the 24 hour diner is there anything greater I love it as a comedian and that's the thing going back to fucking always wanting to live here there is nothing that can compare to that to know that for me I knowing that Times Square is always lit up is something and knowing that there's always a fucking diner where fuck people are ordering full meals at three soups salad bread on the table yeah fucking meatloaf two fucking sides whatever you want come on yeah whatever you want eggs at night anything eggs at night going in all fucked up and getting like an omelette wouldn't yeah it's the best it's the best I do tip I don't want you to think I don't tip I tip 20% okay okay when I order something

I don't just walk around and hand people hating people 20% and I'm not backing down from this if I don't order anything why am I tipping it makes sense you're not wrong you are not wrong but he's not on board no yeah he's not she's servicing the room and she's not asking I'm not asking her she's she's getting compensated for the services she provided for the for the other people who ordered she's getting tips on that it's not wrong and here's the thing a lot of times when they have right but it's not right but it's not wrong he just summed it up yeah I'm trashed for it yeah but I'm not I don't love it Yanni but I can still argue my way out it'll hold up in court but just think about this just think about this if she got that section yeah having the green

room section might take away from other tables that she might have right so she could already be starting off on a low too that she sees you on the billboard she's like I got the rona yanni p's headlining but if I do order I tip big nice so I tip big okay okay okay so now I know I'm gonna tip somebody for a job they didn't do for me that's what it is fucking waiters are there's most sympathy for anyone in this country is waiters yeah that's why he's leaning right yeah he's out in the burbs he's not tipping I like get away from my money if you cover my property I'll shoot you you goddamn Libby I live in the suburbs now get off my goddamn property that's great I was at governors one time and uh I ordered a beer and like so there's another

guy next to me and I was working and uh the guy next to me dropped a t-paid and then dropped a 20 as a tip and he left yeah and the other the bartender came up and thought it was mine he goes oh thanks man thank you so much and I didn't tell him it wasn't mine you piece of shit I was just kind of like smart move what you do me like a prince for the rest of the weekend see I was getting used to doing honest I was getting shit off menu you don't want him to enjoy that moment it happens once in a lifetime yeah if you're telling to be honest come on it's like you walk in like he was only gonna get a dollar from me you know what I mean if you walk into a place and you have the same name as like somebody and the guy just thinks that's you mm-hmm you're gonna tell him

if he's treating you or are you just not right this way mister foley you're gonna go I'll see what's going on you're the guy that has the app you're gonna go now is that me here's the dollar give me a pbr yeah whoa Eddie Murphy good to see you man what's up jack you gotta keep it going you know that's all right let's run we got a couple more and then we gotta go we gotta get out of your time yeah we gotta give you yeah thank you so much we've been running along you guys are Philly trash oh yeah I would stay here all day this is I've heard I hear I hear we're gonna you and the Eagles hat I'm fucking like I'm a Philly well when I said eun he was like what he stopped me mid-question because someone's like your dick was out you know tip it off zip that Philly up

there is with the street accent what do you think is the trashiest accent of all in America Chicago Boston Philly Southern I would say uh Boston it's back it's pretty bad I think Baltimore Baltimore is a grimey or Philly Baltimore is a good one too yeah that minute land yeah that's top Philly's up there because Philly has that you have this you feel even when you speak it yeah you feel like even if you if you're if you use the accent as well when you hear it you feel sick to your stomach yeah and like it doesn't matter what like my niece I got I got a six-year-old niece she's coming out of a cute face gorgeous beautiful she's fun she's outgoing but when she says can I have a say I just want to throw up yeah yeah I keep your baby Philly maybe Philly

Baltimore and Florida's bad he can speak in a city I want to see yeah that is what we were coming out of a child's face you're like ah you should be more innocent but the midwestern too when it went went when an adult woman has that you know oh hey how are you there shitty too yeah he just don't think she's educated yeah accents if you have a heavy accent you're trash well that's like I mean New York's the same as Philly is where the outside of the center like center people in center city Philadelphia don't really have an accent right I mean like same with Manhattan really for the most part but like Schultz doesn't have an accent exactly Staten Island you know the Long Island that they all they're the ones with the accent that's where it gets

trashy yeah I was mad about that we went to Boston a couple years ago just for like a little a little getaway um and stayed like in Boston proper and like the whole weekend that's like I'm talking that's all rich that's all yeah it's all I'm getting fucking ripped off here yeah I paid for the fucking experience you want to you want to be in the town that's exactly it Billy blobby Tommy Johnny's looking for all that shit and it wasn't till we got on their their subway or the fuck they call that thing up there it's terrible was there was some some lady trained yeah some lady that was like a douche in a quarter fucking running it fucking a new port yeah good will hunt things mom yeah yeah this is hunting I want to see that movie about good will hunt things parents

I love it all right I got one or two from patreon guys as you know when you join patreon we will answer your questions it's the only way to do it we get so many requests from everybody else that we love you so much for the support thank you also fucking patreon's cooking thanks everybody that joined it's fucking fantastic this is from nick uh do you put the twist tie back on the bread or do you twist it and fold it over and leave it there I twisted and fold yeah you do wow kid is trash sometimes I won't get a plate and I'll use the plastic as the plate with the bread and put it on the whatever plastic is there however bread I'm down and however plastic is there I'll make the sandwich on that I've done that too that's a savage dude that is savage this guy's

this guy's making fucking making a sandwich on the bread bag and not dipping it's not crazy this guy's out of control you're gonna be stopped this is like a game where I came in hot you guys I don't know pretty classy at the end like wow he's Tom Brady in the fourth order baby it's it's fucking garbage time dude yeah it's garbage time yeah who's doing the shopping up there oh my wife does your wife does it yeah yeah um are you guys the lunch meat family yeah so you're making so you got the whole thing set up I can't lay off baloney really baloney guy wow I know how bad it is for you and everything I can't wait hold on is she getting baloney from the counter or like from the prepackage no no she gets from the if you get it from the prepackage oh dude if someone says they

get it I didn't know they sold it just kick them off the show say your trash we don't oh yeah you get sliced baloney from the deli counter like a fucking gentleman I've been eating Oscar Meyer like a jerk off yeah that's fucking trash I didn't even know they had it back wow you didn't even know that's how that's a lot of trash I didn't know existed I'm looking at you like that means his grandparents are trash yeah I thought it was just for fancy stuff like ham and turkey and buffalo chicken me I feel like a blazing buffalo chicken from boar's head good night that's what I roll that up in a piece of American cheese yeah I don't change your fucking day yeah this guy's fucking trash man you're doing blazing buffalo roll-ups and then you feel good because there's

no bread like this is low calorie you eat 15 pounds of lunch yeah fucking so good you ate 14,000 milligrams of sodium yeah it's coming out your pores before you're even done eating it who gets a regular chicken if you have the option for blazing buffalo who doesn't get the who doesn't get it fucking Jerk who goes give no no no give me the unflavored chicken I don't know what they're putting in it but that shit is fucking on point does that like a little cream and sugar in my coffee I don't know about you folks blazing buffalo me oh holy shit options there it's just always strange to me that someone wouldn't take it what's the um you got your mayonnaise family I love mayonnaise okay no no no I had like uh hold on don't say anything because this is big

okay is it miracle whip or is it mayonnaise no helman's mayonnaise good okay nice this is how much mayonnaise I like uh in college I was a lifeguard in college that's why I stayed in DC there in summers and I worked at a pool nice and we did pool operated but we also worked at health club we'd go to blimpies to get sandwiches and I would say I would always say heavy on the mail right this is how much I like mayo they would never put as much as I like so I had to figure out a way to tell them how much I wanted that you wanted more so this is what I would say everywhere I went because this is what you had a blimpy system I had a blimpy system and if you like a lot of mayo here's and you're trying to figure out how to explain it and you're in a blimpy

for some reason yeah or a while was and it says more mayo and that's not what is not going to cut it you got to talk to the woman you say this is what you say offend me with the mayonnaise they get it that makes them get it offend me with the mayonnaise and I would say that to them every time that's how much I love mayo in my sandwich offend me with the mayonnaise and they look at me and then that thing comes fucking dripping in white sauce that's the way I like it dude yeah I don't yeah you were on the fence before but I mean you got fucking you got hacks at blimpies that's crazy who the fuck eats at blimpies to no fucking tricks in a trade I bet you she gets a 20 right across the fucking counter offend me with the mayonnaise

it works I'm telling you if you if you want to go heavy just tell them to offend you what do you like you like a lot of sauce on something right like a lot of sauce on a lot of things and usually it comes not as much as you want it right hollandaise sauce and brine sauce is big with me so tell them offend me with the mayonnaise I've never gotten enough we need to get him off the sauces by the way okay we don't need him order an extra extra anything I've never gotten enough fucking hollandaise sauce in my life yeah by the looks of you you have it's not that special of a sauce by the way a little heavy handed yeah um okay have you ever used disposable uh this is I'm sorry one more and then we'll we'll wrap it up this is from Dave uh no I'm sorry this is from Chris does your family

eat holiday meals with disposable plates and utensils my wife's family does and I eat with them now but my family never did hmm yeah what's her background uh she's Greek and Italian Greek Sicilian and they they're from Long Island Long Island so long but the food's top shelf food's good when the is that long hold on it's really good okay yeah food's really top shelf what do you mean by top shelf he's not he's not they're not you're not selling it that hard is what you mean like what her mother cooks is it is it is it so good that it's over the paper plates are over look because that's a big thing if it's because if it's mediocre food on paper plates I'm I'm great food I'm going to someone else's house and you can overlook it great food we don't

they don't recycle we don't I now I don't because I you know I you're in the room I'm in a country yeah we don't the bears have it thrown in the in the in the fireplace it goes in the far really yeah all the paper plates go to the fireplace so do cardboard boxes is that bad wait what do you please wait so hold on your you eat you'll eat Thanksgiving dinner then go through the dishes and you know that you just fucked up that's I don't that's not even laughable that's insane yeah your house now has a fireplace yeah it's inside fireplace not like a fire pit he's so new york he thinks it's an incinerator he's burning shit in his living room are you fucking he's going like that dead dog in there and shit that's not bad it's bad to throw up it's

paper you put it in the fire buddy you shouldn't be burning trash in your living room no no why that's one I don't think it's fucking medically like you'll be you'll be you're an inhaler you can't be breathing dixie fumes fucking in your we gotta stop doing that I learned from them and now I do it I'm like that's good I never you'll be sitting there let's just say you're sitting they're eating all right we're cleaning up now yeah yeah it's like the titanic yeah what are you hobos fucking trying to keep warm that's nuts I never felt bad about it to you guys and now you guys are making a lot of sense wait what's like a lot of sense you know you don't know it's weird till you step outside of yourself how how much do you scrape the plates it's not a

clear you're put whatever it goes in yeah are you fucking kidding me like a garbage yet gets burnt up yeah boxes to everything old rugs old cribs whatever it's got long furniture in there I mean you know what if your dog dies you just put it in the fire dead I mean dude this is not joking right no I'm if you have a dead you know how bad that's gonna smell it's not gonna smell that bad and it's not gonna smell good it's gonna smell like meat like when you cook meat no it's not I'm a dog lover so extra mayo on that one huh I'm just saying hook up nobody like if your dog dies why don't you insinuate you why don't you you know because those don't get up to that kind of fucking temperature yeah you're just slow you're slow cooking I'm like he's brisket okay low and slow

baby I put them on a trigger it wouldn't like to sit around co rotisserie chicken no no set it and forget it yeah I didn't like this is like offend me with the barbecue yeah oh my god yeah I didn't know that I didn't know that that's why I said question don't judge don't tell your neighbors that yeah yeah but you'll be you'll be you'll be that house let Versey find out you're burning in your trash I'm surprised Versey Versey didn't give you to run down how to act out in the suburbs you got out there you don't do that okay all right so that okay well I mean that's all I needed to know you can't come back wow you can't come back from that I mean I started strong and now we're worried about what about the depths of trash how what about the plastic forks and shit like that

no those get uh he's not an animal yeah I mean come on put them in a tub yeah I'm gonna shower leave you got bleach soak in it we we wash them and reuse those no really I'm kidding my mom my mom has a my mom has levels of plastic silverware and there is one level that looks metal but it's actually plastic that gets rewashed yeah my mom growing up growing up under occupation my mom would reuse paper towels oh why hang them in dry the Nazi regime you know what I mean this isn't the suburbs as far as they had paper towels and not see occupied no she does that now oh she does that now oh from immigrant well immigrants have that mentality yeah that's immigrant I could see it's like this is America this is America maybe throw

them out yeah but it would be weird in turns seeing like wet paper towels hanging like they're close yeah yeah it's weird that's kind of like a mental illness like that just let you know you trauma sticks with you sure yeah yeah yeah for sure um all right well I have all the information I need at this point to render a verdict uh the man is trash the man is fucking trash sharp dresser I'll give you that you got a nice you wear a nice hoodie I dressed it up but it's trash underneath yeah yeah it's pig with lipstick still water's run deep in the trash giving dinner in your fireplace I thought that was okay I thought everybody did that no that's dude that's somebody that somebody's only ever been on the L train so this is a lipstick with a pig situation yeah

yeah you look good on the surface right Connie's killing it you need some local campaign signs in your front lawn and you need a good landscaper you need to stop doing it you need like Jim McKinney for Comptroller yeah exactly that's a respectable suburbian that behavior you cook out in the backyard not in the front right right right are you gonna get a pool you thinking about a pool no no no pool pools are just insurance nightmares that's me knowing that's classy right I'll give me that that's suburb 101 insurance who is cutting the grass I think you got a landscaper are you doing yeah you got a guy yeah wow it's half the season right what is it 60 bucks a week yeah split it with the wife you had no interest in getting your own lawn mower and doing doing it

no city kid I don't even know how do you do that hey I'm on a John there wouldn't look good how do you even start put that on a put that on the Bay Ridge boys patreon yeah and he cuts his grass you have to accept it on fire yeah I don't know how to do any of that shit I don't know how to take care of plants or I just come up with a cup full of water and pour it on the plan yeah that's all I do yeah club soda yeah I give it a doc browns every once in a while when uh when food goes bad is this try this is what I do in the country now I take the food and throw it in the backyard I'm not against it uh like what kind of food we talking like an apple or like apples or like a pork loin and anything that like is going to be a problem it's going to if it's garbage days

Friday and it's going to smell and it's Monday it's going to smell I'll just throw it in the yard how far back as far as I can I got an acre I got an acre sometimes I'll walk into the back but usually throw it into the treeline not on the lawn no sometimes it's in the lawn but sometimes the banana peels yeah they're close because those those eventually are gonna melt into the ground yeah like a year your landscaper still gonna step on that shit when he's cutting the fucking grass for half the rate and no tip problem yeah gosh he's probably gonna slip break an arm now your insurance goes on you agree to it gage gage you agree you're just hubbing food hoping a raccoon shows up so you can feel at home yeah but it's stupid because the deer's coming they bring ticks

I'm learning yeah you'll learn this kid's got a lot of a lot of I got to learn it's not the park out the park cool he's got a lot to learn I got a lot of feet in the pigeons all right make it easy yeah throwing the loaf of bread out there yeah it's essentially what it is this was uh this was something else this was awesome this was so much fun we love you yeah yeah yeah big fans I love you 100% I learned something we got to the bottom of it together yeah we did sort of like this was therapeutic it's kind of like therapy when you just you take a good hard look at yourself and you realize these behaviors are not right no no they're uncouth I knew it was turning but I didn't say anything you knew it was turning at the tip how you got into college when I when I knew that and

that's where your brain was going I'm like this guy's got dirt under his fingers yeah true story you can google that it's funny and the kids he's still a popular professor really yeah still kept his clout a little bit tenure you could do anything if you have tenure yeah that's why he's fucking these teachers every dirt bag I know that's like tenure yeah I'm not tenured us wait till it's like wait till I get tenure then I'm really gonna let it fly yeah I know a lot of teachers fucking tenure yeah it's like that you're 20 and out right yeah I don't give a shit anymore yeah do you homework who gives a shit go on I got ten you got ten yeah I give a five yeah I just pop this anything you want the folks out there to know that they might not already know

what he got obviously history hyenas anything you want to plug anything you want to mention no you guys nailed it yeah they know you they love you yeah long days podcast new it's my solo podcast where we just go and the history hyenas podcast and check my special please blow in the light check it out it's free on youtube yeah absolutely fantastic follow me on instagram yonis pappas there you go sorry by the way Lonnie yonnie long days is the funniest nickname it's so fucking funny guys thanks so much for listening at kevin rand comedy on all social media as I said before please make sure you rate review subscribe on itunes full video available on youtube those numbers are through the roof and fucking patreon guys we appreciate it so

much thanks for the support thanks we love you guys we'll see you next week piece man that was fucking something else man that was a fucking who's built this for you it's we did it all you did it yeah