Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Zac Amico: Strict Parent Trash

Episode Date: July 16, 2020

Zac Amico joins Kippy and Foley this week for WILD round of Are You Garbage. Zac talks about his insanely strict parents, 2nd marriages, sneaking snacks, and living in a funeral home. You know Zac from the Real Ass Podcast. Sign up at GasDigitalNetwork.com - use promo code AYG for savings and let us wet our beaks. Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Forman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage, the show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they grow up classy or if they're complete trash. I'm your host H Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day here from the rubber room at Gas Digital Studios.

And speaking of crazy, how about that deal? Promo code AYGS sign up today, save $1.50 on the subscription and a 14 day free trial. My co-host coming at you right next to me, my good pal. He's the brains behind the operation. Let me tell you something folks, the next time you reach for a best pal, do yourself a favor, make it a kippy. Kevin James Ryan everybody. Hey gang, what's up everybody.

Thanks so much for tuning in. Happy to be here. A little bit of housekeeping, shout out to everybody who's been rating, reviewing, subscribing on iTunes. We appreciate it. We're still in the top 200. Thank you very much. Yes, sir.

If you haven't already, please go rate, review, subscribe, tell a fucking friend, let's get this thing fucking cooking. I hear you kippy. I hear you and I like it and I love it and I love our very special guest that we have in studio today. Highly demanded guest here. Oh baby. Ladies and gentlemen, he is an actor, a writer, director and of course a podcaster.

Some of his latest films, Shakespeare Shitstorm, Bucket Love Anonymous, all available on Disney Plus I'm glad you've also seen him in a practical jokers. All right. He's the co-host of Real Last, Real Last podcast and of course, Zacameco's Midnight Spooks show. Ladies and gentlemen, the big question everybody's mind today is he garbage? I say a hard no and I've structured my questions to prove my fucking case. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the one, the only.

Mr. Zacameco everybody. Thank you so much for having me gentlemen, a big fan of the show and I'm excited to be here. Thank you. Big fan of you buddy. We are very happy to have you here. We have played this mildly with Zac previously on Real Last podcast and we were shocked. Stunned.

Stunned. Out at the results to the line of questioning set forth at a previous date. There is a dichotomy here that you have to remember, yes, I would appear trashy but consider the people I present myself with. Sure, of course. Yeah, I don't know. You're a fucking, I don't know how to place it because. NYU educated.

NYU, did you graduate? Yeah. NYU grad. Art school though. Not real school. Doesn't matter. Totally can't even walk by NYU. You got the dorm.

That's all it counts with me. Did you have a card to get to the cafeteria? You're a college man as far as I'm concerned. On paper. Not only card to get to the cafeteria at the time, card to get into the only Chick-fil-A in New York City. There was a secret Chick-fil-A at the time in one of the NYU cafeterias. Oh, that's right.

And that's before we knew they hated gays. I'm sure it's gone now. Yeah. Fully, you didn't get that in Fat Guy Quarterly, but there was a secret Chick-fil-A. That's why I went now. Why now? I turned down Harvard. Mom, go to NYU.

You hear I got a secret Chick-fil-A in a basement. Did you ever go back and use the card to get into the cafeteria after you graduated though? Never. That's a real scumbag move. Oh, yeah. I think they shut that down for a little bit. I see Kevin Ryan's awfully quiet out there. No, no, no.

If you were in Thanksgiving dinner, probably in that fucking room. I think with the computer chips now that the cards have, or I think they expire like the day you get you. Now, when did you graduate? 2009. 2009. How old was a young man, are you? He's my age.

Yeah, I'm 32. Ah, the plot thickets. But it's also like Jersey, so that's a couple points down. I mean, by the looks of you, aesthetically, you're fucking 100% trash. 100%. I'm not opening a check-in account with you. I can tell you that. I'm asking for the next teller, if that's what we're getting at.

But very educated, very smart, knows a lot about film. I feel like you're very smart. What'd you get on your SATs? That's when I took them when I was still sick out of 1600. Out of 1600. What'd you get? 1410. What?

Holy shit! Start calling you, sir. God damn! That's gotta be a record for all you garbage. If you added up all the guest test scores, they wouldn't equal 1400. Yeah, you're a smart guy. All right, so tell us the test well. I think there's a difference.

That's also a very garbage thing, too. I test well. I test well. I can't read, but I test well. I can bullshit my way through a lot of stuff. That, and he's an auditory learner, because I was an auditory learner. My mom used to say that all the time to cover up when I was fucking everything. Well, he's actually an auditory learner.

Yeah, he's actually. No, he's not. He's a fucking idiot. What are you talking about? He's a moron. But give us the origin story here, because I don't know. Where did you grow up? How did you grow up?

Give me the whole thing. Okay, C. Coggers, New Jersey, okay. Dad is a welder. A collar family. I lived in an apartment on top of a shop, and it was my grandpa's business that he took over. Okay, did you own the real estate of the shop? Was like that.

Yeah, it was my dad's building. That's not too bad. That's a smart move. If you own the shop, you stay up. You ain't gotta pay rent. Only one mortgage, probably pay some of the utility bills off on the car. He's near a single guy, maybe, but not with the family. What do you mean?

He's getting into the welding products and shit like that. Who knows what's going on? My dad grew up in that house. It was a one-bedroom, and it was my grandma, grandpa, my dad, and his four brothers. Is it like in town, because when I think of like getting any welding done, it's not like in like a neighborhood. No, yeah, no, it's in the middle of a neighborhood. What?

It was a city-type neighborhood, not like a suburban neighborhood. Like a main street suburban neighborhood or like development? Off of a main street. Okay, yeah. Yeah, still that's interesting. Not too big. He did marine welding, a lot of like, he either did, wait, hold on, he did marine welding? Yeah, a lot of waterships.

So he's not some fucking grease monkey working on an old Ford. That's intelligent shit right there. He did a lot of battleships. Is that underwater? A lot of waterships. Yeah. You're a good engineer in that movie. Give me 10 steps!

Soldier! A lot of like pad eyes for docks, so that boats don't crash into the dock. Yeah, that's special. He probably made a good living off of that. Yeah, yeah, and then my dad's favorite thing is whenever we drive around anywhere in Jersey is to point out either him or my grandpa did the railings. Oh, that's big. My dad did that.

That's real. That's trashy though. Love that. Do we see those railings? I can't fucking drive through Philly with this guy, like, yeah, we did the AC over there. Dude, Mike, that's in me. That's just blue-collar garbage. That's like an American Pickers driving around.

I don't give a shit. How much you want for the Ford in the front yard? My dad would drive by and be like, yeah, it was all supermarkets and like hospitals. We put a 10-foot coolant stack on the top of that over there, and I'm like, oh, yeah. He goes in there and tries to act like he's got clout, you know what I mean? You know, put the heat in his dump? Holy shit, man, working on battleships, so that's government contracts. Yeah, he still does it now.

What's your mom do? My mom was an art teacher at a Catholic school when I was little. See? See? You guys don't fucking know. Look at this right here. But you don't really have to have any accreditation to people. Sure.

A couple of crayons and some paper. Yeah, pretty much just, like my mom did go to college, she was kind of just flannels. A lady. Yeah. She's just a woman. Still. That's sharp. And wait, so from what I'm hearing, was that the only property or only house you guys

had? Yeah. There was no summer property anywhere. The man must be stacking cash away. I think he did okay. Yeah. I mean, he's he's he's on a wife number, I'm not sure, but major relationship number here.

Here we go. Here we go. This fucking guy. This explains. Have you been lying the whole time? You've been in here. Zach. Portraying yourself.

I didn't know this. All right. How many times has he been married? I think he's on. I don't know if he's married. I don't know. He's probably married. That's garbage.

You didn't get invited to the wedding. What the fuck? I did not get invited. I did not go to my dad's. I did not get invited to my dad's. I went to the party after. Hey, listen, it's kind of only close friends and family, but you can come to the W, which I was given a name tag that I had to write Paul's son on.

Oh, my God. Holy shit. Why? Because no one knew me or where who I was. So everyone got fast and loose. Holy shit. So you didn't meet. How many people are at this wedding?

I wasn't there. There's a party. At the party. Where first of all? Oh, my God. It could have been just regular customers. I didn't know who was here for what. It was in the break room.

About a probably about 100. So what happened was my dad left when I was like 13-ish. Wait, left. It's his shop. Where'd he go? He sold the shop. Oh, so you moved out of there. Yeah, moved out.

All right. This is where things get done. I had such a picture. This is the meat and potatoes. How old were you when he moved out? You're like 13. Okay. So otherwise, before that, it's you and you said he had a sister?

No. Just me and my mom and my dad. Just you, your mom and your dad. Wow. All right. So up until then, everything was copacetic. And then one day, we're losing the shop. Yeah.

Well, my dad, I'm selling the shop and he got a job at a bigger, like, welding company. Where he was going to be like one of the head, you know, welders. And that just happened to be around the same time they got to divorce. Yeah. Crazy, right? Wasn't a stipulation in his country. He got to lose the family. So he lived in Seacawks for a little while, then he moved in with his second wife.

Okay. Where he lived, he was a welder, as well as he was the handyman for a town in upstate New York's cemetery. So he lived in the cemetery in a house with his second wife, the day of kids. No. Did you go up there and see him? Were you like living back and forth? No.

I met her like, if I met her five times, that's probably an exaggeration. You never went up and hung out at the cemetery because that's where I figured to get the, you know, the horror. That seems right in your wheelhouse. Yeah. He got a little Jesusy with wife number two. What's that? He got a little Jesusy with wife number two.

That's the worst when they get Jesusy. Because it came with the whole funeral, like the cemetery, but the church was there, too. Maybe he was just doing it to keep the job. And he was like a little, he was kind of like the town gomer pile. Okay. And he got a little Jesusy. But then he broke that. Huh.

There was another one in between that I don't talk about. Jesus Christ. For legal purposes. Yeah. It sounds like she's buried in an unmarked grave in the cemetery. There's another one. There's a whole other thing. There's a whole other thing that I'm talking about that I don't know what I can say, so

I don't want to get into it. Sure, sure, sure. Got the tape. And now he's got number three that he lives with and she's got two kids. Okay. But you grew up with your mom. Yeah. Okay.

Did your mom get remarried at all? No. Really? So what did you guys move to? Just another... Nope. Stayed in the house. My mom got the house.

Ooh. Wait a minute. What did you do with the shop underneath? Uh, first it was a, um, like an accessory shop where they made, um, really, and shit. And now it is a karate studio. She'd go back flex. Because your mom's still on it. Yeah.

Really? All right. So she is Samiko. That divorce worked out. She rents out the, uh, shop and she still lives on the top half. Holy shit. That's pretty good. That's got it.

So did you have friends in the neighborhood and shit like that? Very few. I'd imagine so. I was an indoor boy. Couple of junkyard dogs. Indoor boy. Wow. And, uh, yeah, so my dad was, uh, sober for a few years before he got married.

Uh-huh. The first thing my mom did when they got divorced was get her bartending license. Geez. And became a bartender. Became his bartender? No, just became a bartender. Okay. Okay.

And it was, it was, it was literally, it was literally a spike career. Yeah. Wow. Damn. And to this day, my mom's a bartender and a host that said, uh, Olive Garden. Really? Yeah. Wait, what happened to the teaching job?

That was only for a few years when I was a kid. I'm sorry. I have to put that one in the file. That's a. Olive Garden. Olive Garden. Yeah. Did you go there and hang out with her while she was working sometimes?

I was older by that point. I was like 14, 15. Did you go in and have a bite every once in a while? Let's bet it's next to a lime, Zach. She brought it home a lot, but I later found out she only got like 20% off. Like it was not worth taking it home. Sure. Sure.

It was literally just. She makes a hundred. Oh, it's 300 at the end of the night. It was not worth the discount. Trying to keep the kid in primavera. That's crazy. Huh. So what would you say the childhood was like growing up?

Good middle class. Yeah. Yeah. Do you still talk to your dad? Oh yeah. I do talk probably for about two years when I was in like high school. And then we wound up getting along again real good and real close. And are you not close with his current wife?

They're nice people. I've met. That's a way to put it. We're family members. They're nice people. They're nice. I give them a nod in the hallway. Hey, what's up?

Like the other day my wife said to me something about like, how's your stepbrother? And I was like, I've never called him that. Who's your stepbrother? My some douche named Jim. Yeah. My dad's chick is two kids. But not with not his kids. No.

That's not your stepbrother. That's real trashy right there. That's not your stepbrother. I wouldn't call him that. Yeah. That's a stranger. That's all that is. That's some guy getting in the wheel.

That's what the fuck. Yeah. I helped my dad move into their house. Your mom got the house. I helped my dad move into the house the first time they're there and I never went again. Man. Now they're moving to a new house.

I think it's been like five years. You can help move again. Have you fucked up? Have you fucked up? He just called you man. Zach, how you doing pal? Listen, you still got that pickup truck in your hand. You still got that name tag?

Get over here. Holy shit. But you obviously a good student. Yeah, I did. All right. Yeah. Right. Got into NYU.

What other schools did you get into? It was the only one I applied to. I just watched the film and television. Yeah. I went to the film and TV. I did early, whatever, early access. So I applied in like September. Okay.

Yeah. And I got in and then I stopped giving a shit about everything in high school. I stopped carrying a bag. I just had like a lunchbox. Once you got into NYU. Yeah. Because I got in there. I quit every club I was in.

Yeah. No shit. You just have to get out. You just have to get the degree and get out. I went, I'm already done. I went, I'm already done. Fuck the chess club. Yeah.

I quit everything. All of garden. And it was great. Holy shit. And never went back obviously after NYU. No. I would go, I lived at home for the summer for three years. Okay.

I would be a queen and I would be a, I worked as a janitor at my old high school over the summers. Wait a minute. After you graduated? No, no. While I was in school. While you were in college. That was my summer job.

Okay. Were you never there when other students were there? No. Huh. No. Just be summers and they would hire a couple of kids to do like handyman shit, like repaint. Okay.

That's not too bad. But if you're fucking mobbing a puke in the lunch room and you see kids you know that is a tough one. Amiko? Is that you? Yeah. Film school really seems to be paying it out for you. Cause I don't know why, but for some reason at college I got financial aid and I got a

little bit of a grant to play football, but I was, I was still. Here we go. The glory days. He finds any, any reason to shove that in. Yeah. Oh bud. Let's hear some tales from poke high. Hold on.

My shoulder still hurts a little bit less. Hold on. Let me. Can I get an Advil for this knee? No, but I, I took a job at the university. So like I'd be out there in the morning, like raking up leaves or people are walking to class and shit with coveralls on the whole nine yards was really, really hurt the self esteem with the ladies.

I'm not going to lie. Tina, you going to the soft pop? Hold on. I got a fucking, you need any dog shit cleaned up? All right. Well, that is a fucking tale, man. Let's get into some RU garbage questions here with our good pals, Akimiko. Let's start out with the basics so I can get a little bit of a picture of this town, this

whole welding outfit, how was the apartment cool and imagine it would have to be cool. It was a, used to be a one bedroom that my grandfather built an addition on the back. No doors. So my room, no door, just connected to the living room, living room, kitchen, my parents' room and like a back room that was another bedroom slash like video games, computers and shit in there. Okay. So that's the back that my dad built.

Okay. But no door. So I grew up my whole life till 18. I had never had a bedroom door. What was the... Quiet jerk. No. Pray to God no one's awake.

Jesus Christ. He's had an alarm for like 3 a.m. to wake up and tug your root. Damn. And then my mom. That's like military, that's like military dad shit. Then after... I make the doors off. Nobody closes doors in my house.

After my dad left, my mom wouldn't sleep in their bed for a few years. So she slept on the couch outside of where my room was. So if you want to talk tense, I remember... I remember a night where I had a mosquito bite and I'm scratching this thing and my mom came and screamed because she thought I was jerking off. I swear to God, mom, I got, I got sketer bites. I don't think I got a mosquito bite. I know you're doing something.

You're not supposed to be doing. Oh my God. You gave me a little fucking privacy. I thought I was talking to an NY, by the skin of your balls you got in the NYU. I thought this guy was all class. Meanwhile, he's doing quiet jerks. What about... All right, so give me a picture of this town.

What was the name of the street that you grew up on? Irving. Irving what? Place? That's not bad. A place is pretty classy. You live on a place? This is all right.

The circle, just to the record for the fans out there, circle would be the highest. Court isn't too bad? Court's not bad, but that could be a fucking townhouse. You know what I mean? That could be next to the clubhouse and the townhouse. All right, well you pick up weed and shit. If you live on a pike, you're fucked up. If you live on fucking something pike, you've made some bad real estate investments.

I used to live on a way. It depends. I've been looking at you. I don't think it was a good one, though. W-E-I-G. I threw away. I'm not being able to live on the service road. That's when you know you're fucking.

Way too much. Shit your shit together. Aw, man. What do you got? What was the name of the supermarket? Sure. You grew up going. Foodtown.

Foodtowns are kind of tough. Foodtown. Foodtown. Sounds like a bad band in the 90s. That's where Foley wants to buy a dream house. Moving over to Foodtown. Wait till I get my money right. Edit into, live on Serial Way.

Serial. Foodtown. And then if we were with my grandma, Shoprite in North Bergen. Ooh, Shoprite's are classy. Fresh produce, quality deli. They do it nice. Fucking nice. AC's always just right over at Shoprite.

I'll tell you that right now. Clean carts. There's never like the flyer or the circular floating around on the carts. Get out of here with that shit. Aw, man. If I gotta clean my own cart out, I'm fucking going somewhere else. Listen, I was a fucking cart boy for like fucking two years at ACME. You gotta clean the carts.

There was an ACME in the middle of Seacoccus. Yeah, ACME's dependent on where ACME's and the burbs are good in the city. But I will say, with the accent, which believe it or not, I've dropped most of. In Seacown, everyone called it the ACME. That's a silly thing too. Going down to the ACME. I'm going to the ACME, do you want any luncheon meats? Luncheon meats.

Yeah, real trash. Luncheon meats from the ACME. The preferred is cold cuts. That's classic. No, I don't like that either. It's lunch meat. Cold cuts sounds medical or something. ACME makes a hell of a roto, rotisserie chicken.

How do you feel about the rotisserie chicken from the supermarket, Zach? I'm going to have to wager here. Fan. It's a pretty great buy. Yeah, man. You can't beat it. It's a hard argument. It's a hard argument.

It's a hard argument. It's a hard argument. It's worthin' a chicken, raisin' it, killin' it, cookin' it, shippin' it. What the fall for like $5.99? In about 45 minutes, because those babies are young, okay? Yeah, those are prepubescent chicks. They don't got hair on their nuts, those things. Have you ever worked at a supermarket?

No, I've not. Okay. Have you ever worked for a local production company? No. Interesting. What do you mean, like in Jersey? Mm-hmm. Like doing weddings or anything like that?

No, no. How'd you write your dad's wedding because you were filming it? It was Paul's son and also the DJ. Yeah. No, my jobs were janitor, movie theater, as well as my uncle has a Thuman's truck. And I would do... What the fuck's a Thuman's truck? Like Bored's head or like...

Ooh. It's a couple... He's got a route. Yeah, he's got a route. Routes are nice. That's a real Jersey trash thing. Thuman's is pretty... Listen.

Yeah. It's not Bored's head. Not Bored's head. Yeah. And so I would work for him two days a week, but that was like 4 a.m. to 6 p.m. doing a route from like Sea Caucus to Carterette and the motherfucker was going to the polio plant at 5 a.m. Your string cheese joint?

Getting mozzarella curd for all the guinea delis we went to. Oh, mozzarella curd. I'm talking the pallets of curd every fucking day. Polio's the best, too. It was phenomenal. Not to double down, but you're reaching for a string cheese. Don't do yourself a disservice. I don't like string cheese.

What? I never did. Ah, you're out of your mind. You a string cheese guy? Yeah. Big. What about you, Dylan? String cheese?

There you go. It's unanimous. Real question. I'm not saying that. Do you pull it apart? Or do you just take bites out of it? Well... You got...

Wait. Ah, listen. I don't fuck with them, but you gotta be a gentleman and pull it the fuck apart. If you're a savage taking a bite out of a string cheese, you're a fucking jerk. It'll start like that. Yeah. All right. It'll all start doing the...

Ah, nice thing. You're just fucking na na na na na. Going right through it. Taking it down like a hot dog. Fucking Kobayashi over there. Kobayashi. Dip it in water. Slide it right back.

Don't even take the wrapper off. You open it up. Dip the wrapper in water. All right. All right. I got one here. What was your first email address? I think this is a fan question, too.

Or your... It was a family email address. Screen name. So, the first email was me, my mom, and dad had one email address. Nobody loves each other? At Hotmail.com. This ain't gonna last. And it was our first...

Hand me my blow torch. It was our first initials and our... The numbers on our house. Okay. Shared an email. So, you... I get the vibe you were a big computer video game guy. No?

Not really. I mean... You said you were an indoor kid. What were you doing in there? Some video. Yeah. So, add 64 action. Playing with his mosquito bites.

Trying to put a couple doors up. Add 64... A lot of activities, dude. In the house? No. I mean, just... I was always busy. I wrestled.

I did play. I always just did a ton of shit. Well, you said indoor kid. I figured you were, like, in there trying to keep the demons away playing fucking Super Mario Brothers. You were a well-rounded guy. The goal was always to get into a good school, so I always did a lot of extracurricular shit. Wow.

Good for... I never thought about that shit until fucking, like, the last part of my senior year. Really, you pegged me as a guy who gets out in front of things and really, you know, really has a fucking five-year plan going. You idiot. I don't know. What was going on? You still don't know what's going on.

All right. Gang, real quick reminder that today's episode is brought to you by Sheeth Underwear. It's a summertime. It's hot and sweaty out there, and that's why you need Sheeth. Sheeth is the softest, most comfortable boxer brief that I have ever worn. I have a whole fucking bag of them in the trunk, and I can't wait to get home and slip into them. I know Kippy's a big fan.

Oh, yeah. And here's what makes Sheeth unique. It's got a pouch so that you can separate your dick from your balls. All right. That is huge in the summertime, especially when you're outside working out because I know my fucking apparatus sticks together like an old piece of baloney. And with Sheeth, you don't got to worry about that. Yeah.

It is awesome. I got them this week in the mail, and I haven't gotten out of them. He won't stop talking about it. Now, it's wild. For some of you, you might not be interested in separating your fucking man parts. You should because once you realize your balls aren't on your leg, it's a fucking game changer. I never knew I needed my balls off of my leg, but I do. That's clean living.

But even if you're not, if that for some odd reason that doesn't interest you, you can still wear them like regular boxer briefs, and they're crazy comfortable. They're smooth. I call them my sexy underwear. Very soft. Yeah. And they look good. If you've got a special lady or man in your life, you know what I mean?

Show them a derriere shot. Take some pics. You know what I mean? You feel good. It's good for dick pics. It's the underwear. So go to sheethunderwear.com to get a pair of smart underwear. And if you use the code Garbage, that's G-A-R-B-A-G-E, you'll get 20% off your order.

20%. So use code Garbage, G-A-R-B-A-G-E, you'll get 20% off your order. That's sheethunderwear.com promo code Garbage. Get that sheethunderwear, everybody. All right, guys, let's take a second to talk about today's sponsor, Real Paper. Yes, please. That's Real Paper. It's here to make sure you never run out of toilet paper ever again.

No more emergency trips to the store. You're not getting jammed up. No more random napkins, tissues. Even during the pandemic, Real has made sure that their subscribers have toilet paper. They make incredibly soft three-ply toilet paper delivered straight to your door. Not only is Real super soft and durable, it's also made entirely of sustainable bamboo. Wow. Even Real's packaging is great for the environment since they don't use any plastic wrapping.

With Real, you can pick and choose when you want to get your shipment so you'll never run out of toilet paper again. And I just got a shipment in this week. Dude, game changer. It's good stuff, huh? It's awesome. You know what's crazy? You know what's the best part about Real?

This is a pretty cool thing. For every roll of toilet paper that you buy, every roll of toilet paper you buy, Real helps people in need across the globe have access to clean toilets. Because I didn't know this. I saw this on the, what's his name? The Microsoft guy. Gates. On his documentary, 2.4 billion people around the world don't even have access to a safe

toilet ball and Real wants to bring that number down to zero. And that's a pretty good company, man. That ain't too shabby. These days, that's pretty great doing good things for the world. And you can help just by wiping your ass with Real paper. You're doing it anyway. That's all you gotta do. It feels fantastic.

I'm not lying to you. It's a game changer. So, again, do us a favor, okay? I want you to go over to realpaper.com. It's R-E-E-L-P-A-P-E-R dot com. And if you use the code GARBAGE, G-A-R-B-A-G-E, you'll get 10% off a single purchase for your first subscription order. Plus, you're gonna get free shipping in the US.

Love that money. Dude, I tell you what, man. That's a pretty solid company right there with a fantastic product. And that's realpaper.com. And use the code GARBAGE. And be sure to create an account for the code to be activated. You gotta create an account, but why wouldn't you want to create an account for a great company with a great product like that?

It's realpaper.com. Use promo code GARBAGE. Do some good for the world by wiping your ass. Now, it doesn't get any easier for that. I know everybody's sitting around these days wondering, how can I help out the world? How can I help out the world? You can go drop a deuce and you can use some fucking real paper. Do it!

All right? Now, let's get back to the show. Have you ever smoked pot out of a soda can? Oh, yeah! What?! Have you ever smoked crack out of a soda can? No. Okay.

Yes. Out of a soda can? That's how they did it. I lived in North Carolina for a little while and all the rich kids, that's how they would do it. Okay. Just kidding, Mom. Yeah, your parents watch this.

They watch it on the big screen, huh? Who I'm paying for so they'll hear what they hear. All right, what do you got, Foley? What do I got? I would like to know. Do you have an email address? Let me ask you this. Do you think, okay, just to get a sense of you here, do you wash your hair before or

after, at the beginning or the end of the shower? Hmm. I realize this tells a lot about a person. Beginning because then you use the excess suds to help wash the rest of you and they kind of go down you. Okay. Some people would say that's not the correct reason, but the correct answer. They would say that...

What's your reasoning? Huh? What do you... People say you should do it before because that's all the... If you do it after, then you just cleaned your whole body and now your dirty hair's running down. Okay. I do it after, but...

Because I'm a real piece of trash. What do you do? It depends. Well, as you know, I'm fighting male pattern baldness, so I have to let my shampoo sit for a little bit. So I put it in. And I leave in situation. And then I...

Yeah, it's a little medicinal. So I gotta wait till it starts burning before I take it out. So I put it in, do the rest of the body with a bar of soap, no rag, like a gentleman. Okay. You know. And then I wash out the hair. Plus, I like the smell of it because that's the last thing that sticks, you know. Interesting.

When, if ever, do you wash the bottom of your feet? Only if there's an issue. Same thing. I don't think I've ever washed the bottom of my feet. I would have to have stepped in something, or have some kind of laceration, or rash, or something on my foot to even get down there. Dude, this was like a shameful thing. We were at a comedy class.

I stopped at the knee. Oh, yeah. Unless I was like, you know, fucking pond or... Stop at the knee. You gotta realize, Foley and I have temporary relationships with our feet right there. I can't get too attached. The beach trees might come and take one of them, Joel. I try to keep them out of my mind.

Like, I don't know them. Don't get too treated like a distant relative. Your feet have name tags on them, Foley's foot. I was in mixed company and they were all talking. They were like, yeah. So I... They're like, people every day, right in if you do this, wash the bottom of their feet. Like lift their foot up, soap and cloth or luffa, whatever.

I gotta tell you, I haven't washed the bottom of my feet. I don't think in fucking... I don't think ever. That sounds like a recipe for slipping, too. That's what I'm thinking. That's dangerous. Try to catch a slip and fall somewhere. That's a fucking hazard.

Slip on some conditioner, you're fucking screwed. Did you have any pets growing up? Yep. You... I pegged you as a weird pet guy. Oh. Oh. I got money on it.

Dogs in the shop, but they were shop dogs. Didn't come upstairs. Oh, I love a shop dog. That's cool. Until you pet them and you're like, ugh. Well, they're not pet. They're shop dogs. Yeah.

Were they mean? No, they were nice. Golden retriever. As a shop dog? Yeah. And then... They're smart. Bippy.

Who? Her name was Bippy. Okay. And then after Bippy, we got Veruca, who was a Labrador. Huh. Sounds like a Russian immigrant. Yeah. I was the lead singer of a band.

Named after Veruca from Willy Wonka. Oh. Oh, very nice. Did I have anything in the house? I had... When I was really little, like hermit crab, hermit crab trash are trashed. The most... I had one that lived for, like, fucking five years, man.

I couldn't kill the thing. I swear to God, I couldn't kill them. And then a snake in a lizard. Snake in a lizard. I pegged you as a reptilian. If you didn't have a snake in a lizard, I wouldn't think something was fucking fishy. Snake got out and never found it. Wow.

Dude, I had it. My cousin gave me a snake for my, like, fucking eighth birthday and it climbed... That's real trash, man. Yeah, man. We're trash. It had babies. And they were, like, tiny little... They looked like a little fucking sperm and they climbed up out of the cage and my mom

came down in the morning. There was, like, fucking 500 of these little worms all over. We were all over the house. We were finding them for, like, six weeks. I'm out. If I tell you that right, I would have moved. There's no fucking way I would have stayed in that house. We couldn't.

We were upside down in the house. Snakes are no snakes. We couldn't get out. We're mortgage the eyeballs over here. I think she re-fired a couple of times. Oh, my God. All right. Family, you're at Thanksgiving dinner.

You guys put out ketchup at Thanksgiving. No. Okay. Good answer. There you go. And you mentioned your grandmother and grandfather a lot. Your mother's... I assume that's your mother's side of the family?

Yeah, mother's side of the family. Very close. Very close. So you do everything with them? Yeah. I stayed with them on the weekends pretty much all through growing up. Wow. They lived in North Bergen, which was, like, one town over.

Even how old were you doing this till? Probably, like, right around almost high school. Really? I spent... Now, was that in necessity or I, like, hanging out with grandma and grandpa? I just liked it over there. No shit. And I think it was to get my parents ahead off.

To get doors over there. Yeah. I did have a door over there. Like, pull... Pull it in peace. You know what I mean? Grandpa takes the hearings. The hearing aids out.

I get as loud as I want. Did you have another set of friends over there? No. Because that's real trashy. No, I did not. Because I had that at my aunt's house. Because my aunt would babysit me during the day and they lived in another neighborhood and I had a couple of fucking dirt-pregged friends that knew me over there, too.

Yeah, well, you would come around every now and then. Yeah, the kid that came around every now and then. If you were the kid that came around every now and then, you were bad fucking news. No, opposite, man. My family was so nervous about anything. Like, people... The reason my grandma told me they never got a pool was because she was afraid that if they went on vacation, people would break in, swim in the pool, drown, and then sue

her. Yeah. That's crazy. I remember being free. Real free spirit. 15, 16 years old, staying at my grandma's for the night and I go at, like, six o'clock at night, go to be like, hey, I'm gonna go take a walk, I'll be back in a little while, and my grandma blocking the door with her body and saying, what if there's kids out

there who are up to no good and you get involved? I was not... Dude, I... Get involved like what? Like... I was not allowed out... Like a crime stopper? Or you started...

I was not allowed out as a kid unless I had a destination and it was people my pet, like, if I wanted to go to somebody's house when I was a kid, it was two weeks' notice. What? Wait, from your mom too? Yeah. So they all had this fear? Yeah. Are they Irish?

No, German. They're garbage. I know. Two weeks' notice to go to somebody's house. What? What is it? A field trip? What the fuck?

And my mom had to see their house first. Wow, that's real. That's... No wonder why you're an inside kid. Strong parenting, yeah. That's crazy. So you didn't have a lot of friends growing up in high school. I mean, you had people at school, but, you know...

So what was the sleepover situation? Very rare. What? Dude, I think it was... Who's gonna sleep at my house and I'll have fucking doors. True. Can't get up to no good without any doors. High school sleepovers got a little weird.

Yeah, none of that shit. We needed doors while we were doing. Just to keep anybody from asking questions. Give me some lime wire and a door. I'll be in the guest room if you need me. Holy shit, Zach. None of that shit. That's a lot.

Yeah, man. That's like fucking... Did they like... What caused that, do you think? Just... Did they have... Did your mom have any brothers and sisters? My mom had a brother and a sister.

No, well, they... So did they have kids? Her brothers passed, her sisters. My aunt and uncle live in the house with my grandma now. Okay, did they have kids? Nope. So you were the only kid? There was no cousins?

Uh, my... I have eight cousins on my dad's side. But you don't fuck with them. But yeah, I didn't really see them very much. After I was a certain age. Yeah, I got a question. Where did they... I see this a little bit now.

When did this aesthetic come into play for you? Like the tat... Like was this always... Or is this like kind of when you got out on your own, you're like, I'm getting the tattoos, the hair, the glant... But they have let you get tattoos. That's my question. No.

Is this like a... Really? Once you broke free. I got a mohawk towards the end of high school. And that was like a fucking big deal. Wow. And yeah, I've always like... I've always kind of wanted that look.

Uh-huh. And yeah, I went... You just couldn't handle it. I went to college. I'm talking purple hair, ten piercings. Of course. Yeah, that's what happens. I had a buddy that grew up saying he wasn't allowed to do anything ever.

We don't go, like, oh, we're sleeping here, party, he's like, I can't, I gotta go home. We went to college. We're fucking next thing you know. He's like, fuck, he's all on oxies and shit. He's robbing banks. That's what happens when those kids are pent up. Yeah, so I went nuts. And then eventually just became like this lazy white trash punk rock kind of thing.

Mm-hmm. Did your mom cook growing up? Not well. What was the snack situation? Fritos and bean dip. Oh. The canned bean dip, canned bean dip. Would you make it or she would make it?

Oh, there was no, I was not allowed in the, I was not allowed in the kitchen area. Your mom would make you fritos and bean dip? What do you mean? Like, what if she was at work? You couldn't go in and get a snack? She would leave me something or something. She would leave me something or something. And then the rule, even when my dad's still with us.

You're like a POW. Dude, no, my dad's still with us. No, my dad's still with us. He's sliding a plate. If my mom wasn't home. I'd have to go to the no door. All meals were to be eaten over the sink or a garbage can. What the fuck?

Yeah. Do you think this, let me ask this, do you think this fucked you up a little bit? Yeah, I'm a fucking slob now. Okay. And I can't control it. Letting it all hang out. There you go. I'm disgusting and that is 100% why.

Bean dip's pretty good though. I'll tell you that. It's trash, but it's pretty, you heat that up a little bit of fucking cheddar cheese on it. We've talked about some of that. I realized podcast. I talked about my mom's hot shot, shot chicken. Oh yeah.

It was like salsa. Go over that again. For the RU Garbage Listener, Zach. At least we have any home cooks out there. If we have any foodies looking for a new recipe. The RU Garbage Cookbook. A jar of salsa on top of a chicken, baked in the oven, served over tostitos. It was the sour cream.

Sometimes guacamole. No. That's a little too exotic. What is guacamole? I've never had guacamole as a kid. I've never had fucking, shot, shot, shot chicken. No. It was.

My dad called me the other day and we were talking about something. He told me that his girlfriend made a London broil and he got mad about it and he was like throw it. And then I was like, but then you had it. How was it? He goes, do you know London broil's good? I went, yeah. Yeah.

It's like not bad. He goes, I always thought it was like this gray tasteless meat growing up on the broil. That's trash filet mignon. Your mom would make it. It would be trash. I mean, no. My family's food was like the meme of what white people eat. Sure.

The last time we had dinner with my mom, my grandma, my mother warned the rest of the table and I'm not fucking with you guys. Watch out. The creamy Italian dressing is real spicy. What? We had creamy Italian, like from the bottle, creamy Italian dressing. My mom goes, watch out. It's spicy.

It's got a real kick in it. Oh my God. That's my family's idea of like spicy ethnic food. It's fucking Newman's fucking creamy Italian. Fitzraged just got a kick to it. Watch out. Wow. Holy shit.

What would take out be? Like where would you get to? Would you do take out? We'd do usually pizza. What kind? Like local places like Domino's? Oh, never Domino's. No.

Local. Yeah. Or sometimes Chinese and then there was a place, a block and a half away called the Land and Sea Grill and that was a big one. That was like burgers and dogs. I can get down with a Land and Sea Grill. Yeah, I hear you. This is a wild tale.

Yeah, man. Wow. I'm stunned. When we did it on real ass podcasts, you blew my mind. I was like, I was not expecting any of those answers and now I came into it with that mindset of like he's clean living. I don't know. What the fuck?

That this is. Have you ever asked your mom like, yo, why were you like that or why? No, because she's better now. So I don't want to bring it up. Yeah, that's about to good point. She's not like that anymore. We go to your house right now. She letting me in.

She's letting you in before I'm in. Interesting. I brought when I moved to Brooklyn, okay, 12 years ago I had roaches and made the mistake of telling my family that I was dealing with that. She still brings it up probably. To this day, if I have a backpack on, my mom goes, leave it down to this and I go, watch this. What if he got bugs in it?

I don't want you bringing it in the fucking house. I'll give her that one. I haven't been able to sit on my mother's couch since high school. Because I had a pair of pants on with like buttons on the back and one of them popped a little hole in her leather couch. And to this day, if I try to sit on the couch with my mom's house, from another room she'll just come screaming, what the hell kind of pants she got on? Holy shit.

She runs a tight fucking ship. So now has this affected you? I mean obviously it's affected you but how you, because you're married now. How you guys operate your household? I'm told I say sorry a lot, but I immediately apologize. Oh I do that too. I do that all the time. But I think that's just crowd control.

But like. Yes, that's because my dad was a fucking lunatic and he would fly off the hinge at any given minute. So you apologize for everything. Didn't want to take a back game with the rings on. No my problem is I get panic attacks when it's like time to clean. Like if the vacuum's gone or anything. Okay.

I get nervous. He's like a dog. He's like a dad. He's like a lab. Like I get panic attack-y when my wife's like cleaning and she'd be like why? What's wrong? You don't have to do anything. He's barking at the blender.

Just because it was always like a high pressure situation. Of course. Dude I had the exact opposite. I hear a vacuum cleaner. I want to fall asleep. I used to follow my mom around the house when she had this vacuum cleaner that had like the other part of it and then a hose and then the thing and I would lay right behind the back of the exhaust.

Waiting for crumbs? Yeah. He's trying to beat it for crumbs. It was like a John Henry situation. No, the warm air blowing on me. I would lay my head down and take a little nap. I mean dude you are another kind of fucked up. I don't know man.

That is fucking insane. How do you guys cook? Are you guys more, are you more homey? More inviting? Yeah 100%. Like you're not still eating over the fucking sink and no, no we do meal prep plans now. Pretty good. That's clean living.

Can I be honest with you? Hit it please. It's fucking great. Living in Brooklyn like you don't like, I don't live near a good grocery store. It's like 10, 12 blocks if I want to go to like a good one. And dude fucking those we're doing sunbasket right now. Is that the thing that gets delivered? Yeah.

Everything comes to the house. It's nice. And it's not bad. That's money though. It's a little bit of cash. That is a little bit of cash. Yeah. And a very far cry from your situation growing up.

Yeah. Okay. So I guess there wasn't like, what was, what would your typical lunch be? What would your mom send you to school with? Baloney and cheese pickles. Pickles. Baloney and cheese pickles. Pickles and mustard.

Oh you had vocational school. Pickles. Baloney and cheese and pickles and mustard. Is this all on the sandwich? Yeah. Pickle chips. What? You ever get a pickle?

If my mom, I would fucking, I'd call CPS if she sent me to school with a fucking pickle. That's crazy. Maybe on the side. Baloney and cheese when I was a kid kid, Lunchables. Wow. Lunchables is hard. I know but we've never really met anybody. We talk about Lunchables a lot and we've never actually met anybody that got them on

a steady basis. Very steady basis especially once they brought out the Lunchable nachos. Those nachos. Were terrible. And that was a frequent. They were the little chips, right? They were like a little soda. It was like the size of a dime.

Yeah. My buddy Pat would get those all the time. Terrible. Now I imagine that was a pretty big temptation for you having those stacked up in the fridge but you weren't allowed to go near them, were you? No, not allowed near anything. Not allowed to bring food from, like if I had leftovers from a restaurant. And I didn't tell my mom and I put it in the fridge, that would be like a meltdown.

No putting anything new in the fridge. Everything was very controlled. What the fuck? There might be a bit of OCD. A bit. You phased. I think so. That's insane.

Dude, if I couldn't go into my fridge and fucking root around and drink from the container. So you weren't allowed to drink from the container. Drink from the toilet. Oh God, no. I'll tell you. So in my living room next to the TV was, I don't know what it was, it was just a hole. In the carpeting and I never knew what it was. But whenever my mom would go in the shower, I would go run and try to sneak a stack.

Like a granola bar or anything. And then if my mom was getting out of the shower and I wasn't done with it yet, there was just a hole in the living room and I would shove it down the hole. And I found out that it would went into, of course, because we were the second floor. It was above my dad's shop and one day there was a storm and the thing got wet and the thing collapsed and just years of half eaten snacks. Kudos bars and shit. Literally, kudos bars, popcorn, pop secret bars, just came flooding into my tech shop.

What the fuck? He's got the TIG welder on. Jesus Christ. It's raining gushers. What the fuck's going on? For years of his fat son sneaking snacks and freaking out. Oh, Zach, that's sad, man. That sucks.

Or even just the wrapper, because I couldn't put the wrapper in the garbage. Yeah, because that's, yeah. You gotta get rid of the evidence. It's trace evidence. Dude, that's like the great Santini. That's the complete, I do, all my house was fucking wide open. What? My mom would box those like variety packs, like the 24 packs like Pringle or like the Doritos

and shit like that. Keep them coming. And she would try to hide them where the pots and pans were. I'm like, you dumb broad, I see that coming from a mile away. Question. You gotta put them under your bed or something. You think I'm gonna stop at the pantry? On a mission.

You think I'm not gonna, you think I'm just gonna check the pantry and keep it moving? Yeah. When you guys were growing up. Like I'm in the basement. And you had a bag, like a big bag of chips for the family. Sure. Were you allowed to eat from the bag? Or did it have to go in a bowl with a paper towel in it?

We were a bag, we would do the paper towel if company was over? Yeah. You would do that. But from the bag. Yeah, you poured it into a container. Okay. We're still from the bag. We ate out of, dude, I could have fucking put them on my nuts, you wouldn't have cared.

It was wide open at the foley. We used to use the clips. Okay. The clips first came out. The chip clips. Yeah. But they're all, they're like, they're, they're few and far between. There was only like one of them, we had five bags of chips.

So you'd have to like wrap a rubber band around it or a clothes pin or something. So there was none of that? None of that shit. Would there be a bag of chips in the house? There would be a bag of chips, but it was ask, goes in a bowl with a paper towel. And my place was spotless. Yo, yeah. Big time.

The thing I don't like about the bowl is that you're limited. Yeah. That was the point. You guys live in a Nazi regime. What do you mean? This guy's behind enemy lines. Oh shit. Jesus Christ.

So yeah, believe it or not, when I got to college and then on my own, absolute disaster. Sure. Sure. Yeah. Being in New York with a fucking stone's throw away from a bodega and a fucking chop cheese and a fucking Arizona state. Come on. Yeah.

One of the, but I literally the first date I had with my wife, I got her to come back home with me and I had to throw out three Gatorades full of piss. Jesus Christ. That was in my just Gatorade bottles full of piss that were in my room that I hadn't touched. I live with somebody that did that. And when you would leave it in there for a long time. It for months.

Oh, Jesus. That smell. That's tough. Damn. That is fucking wild. You getting all this? Holy shit. Did you know any of this Dylan?

I did not. I'm on a show with Lewis Gomez. He's never heard me speak before. Wait. How far was the bathroom? I lived with a bunch of roommates at the time and they lived with their checks. So the bathroom was always fucking occupied at that time. So I always just would get convenience and first try if there was somebody in there.

I'm pissing in the Gatorade bottle. I have done that a couple of times and I lived in Queens. A couple of times. Yeah. But when you're stuck on the turnpike. No. I mean, I've done it. I've done it in my apartment when you're like, hemmed up.

There's people in the bedroom and I got here. You can't hold your little winky until. Well, if I'm like trying to go back to bed or I hear like one of the fucking goobers got in the shower or something. When you got a piss in the middle of the night, that sucks. Yeah. No, I get it. Because you never have to kind of piss in the middle of the night.

Yeah, it's not like, oh, I can wait. It's yeah. It's fucking game time. You're going middle of the night. You're stumbling around. Stop and get a snack. All right. This is fucking nuts.

Jesus Christ. When you guys, did you do like family vacations? Yeah. Where did you ever go to a wax museum? Where would you guys hide out together? Yeah. Go to a motel. Under what floorboard did you hang out?

The vacations I remember, well. Remember, what do you mean you block some out? No, the ones that like stick out is like really good ones. Okay. Alaskan cruise. What? This fucking guy's all over you. Dude, this is nuts.

That's a rough combination of words, though. Alaskan cruise. That's what I'm saying. But Alaska's nice. Beautiful. Very wilderness. You're in touch with this. Yeah, we did two cruises.

It's far as shit to get there. So it's a little bit of cash. Now, who are we talking about on this trip? Would your grandma and grandpa go with you? My grandpa passed away when I was in like third, fourth grade. Oh. But grandma would come to everything after that. Of course.

And that also explains maybe your grandmother's overprotectiveness there. Okay. So two cruises. One was Alaska. One was like Florida area. And this is when your parents were still together. Yes. So when they would go on these cruises, could you like, was it different than the house?

Like, could you eat whatever you want? Would they have drinks and mix and mingle with other people? No, my dad's been sober my whole life. Would they interact with other people, though? 50-50. So what we do, they would take my grandma, and a lot of times my mom and dad would go do shit, and me and grandma would be out for the day on vacation. So like, she went on vacation, but she was pretty much saddled with me.

Hmm. It's not bad. That's pretty fun. I'll give you that. Can I tell you best vacation? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lay it on us. This is such a good thing.

Dude, I legitimately want to go back. All right. The biggest mall in the world, in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, it's a city. It's got an amusement park, a full-water park with a wave pool. Two-way Nanny's pretzels. Like, indoor lake with a pirate ship. It's a city. Okay.

It's trash is what it is. That's perfect. Fucking garbage. Three different, like, movie complexes. We went for a week. To the mall? Never left the mall. You went to the mall for a fucking week.

There's a hotel in the mall. I don't care. That's a lot of walk and roll, I'll tell you that. You must have been cleaning up on the samples. Even if I go to Orlando, I walk around downtown a little bit. You don't stay at Disney for that long. It was the best vacation of my life. Was it actually you stayed in the mall?

You lived in the mall. There's apartment complexes in it for the people that work there. You can't walk the thing in a day. Are you from the future or something like that? This sounds like a dystopian. Dude, it was literally, like, it was the middle of winter. We went to Canada for it. So outside is, like, fucking half, right?

And you're inside perfect, like, 76, everywhere you go. He's got fucking suntan lotion, zinc on his nose. It's great, dude. It was the best. Holy shit. When was the last time you were at a water park? Was that it? No, I think I did one probably ten years ago.

Share it on, share it off. Share it off. Yeah, he doesn't. He doesn't peg me one for qualms. Yeah, he was fucked, dude. I wore my shirt in the pool once in, like, fifth grade and took it off halfway through because I thought it was, it was lemur to be a guy with a shirt on in the pool.

100%. Than to be a fat guy in the pool. Of course. Of course. Man, this is a fucking damn... How do your parents know about the mall city to go on... We saw it on TV on, like, the Travel Channel. Who are your parents?

That is some dirtbag shit. My mom ever tried to take me to a fucking mall for a week. I mean, I can see it. It sounds pretty cool, but just the whole... to know about it, that's like a place you come across when you're on your way somewhere else. I'll stop in here. Holy shit, there's a lake in the middle of...

in the middle of those boss cops. Dude, it was fucking wild. Damn. Man. Also, if you have to take a passport to go to the fucking mall, that's fucking... You're going to another country. You go to fucking anywhere.

Toronto. You go to fucking anywhere you want to go. How do you feel... Hit the mall. This is all created to Zac Amico that we all know and love, right? Yeah, I always feel like even the things I regret, probably wouldn't be me without them. So...

Oh, of course. They're all built towards this. Of course, of course. Man, this is like a fucking RU garbage phrase. You said this would be a thing. And I... I did some crazy shit this afternoon. What was the thing you told me about living in a motel for a year

or a hotel for a year? Oh, no, the funeral home. You lived in a funeral home? Funeral home. Yeah, so the first big movie I worked on was actually two movies. We shot them back-to-back. They're called Return to Newcombe High 1 and 2. They were sequel to an 80s movie called The Class of Newcombe High.

And we went out and we needed to find... And I was like the first wave of people that went out. We shot it in Niagara Falls, New York, which is a shit hole. Dude, Niagara is chore. You went on vacation at a mall. That's like the South of France. We needed a city that looked like it had already been destroyed. And we had to do no art direction.

And me, the producer and his assistant go out and like the film commission is kind of working with us, trying to help us find a space. And we needed an office for the movie, a living situation for 80 people, and a special effects studio. And this real estate agent in the town wanted to be a movie producer. And he was like this big Dr. Phil.

It's a big market up there here. He wanted to get into film, and they actually shoot a lot of movies in Buffalo now. And I got the perfect place for you. And it was an abandoned funeral home. The fuck? Huge. And we turned the top half into our living space.

And our office. Turned? The fine turned. We got it. We got it. No, we got it. Throw everything out. So you scraped up the floors, repainted everything,

got a certificate of occupancy for I think like 20 people. And we had 80 people move in. I like how he whispered that. Like that was going to be the thing that breaks it open. Oh, this guy's real trash. Breaking the occupancy level. We were sleeping elbow to asshole.

You wouldn't have done all this if it wasn't for how you grew up. You agree with that, right? 100%. Yeah, if you went to like private school, like parents that stayed together. If you could go get a granola bar without getting your fucking face slapped.

Yeah. Jesus. Yeah, and then we had the special effects workshop downstairs because it had a morgue. Of course. With drains in the floor. So that's where we did all the special effects because anything got on the floor, it just drained right out.

Talk about the heebie-jeebies. Yikes. And we liked it so much that we went to work on it. Corona's going to get you. We went to work on another movie for another company and we called the guy and rented the funeral home again for just 20 of us.

Jesus Christ. You missed it. Because you missed it. Because it was like camp, dude. It was so fun. Man, I gotta have a fucking smoke after this. I need to take a walk around the block. I don't know.

I can't get a read on this fucking guy. The mall, the fucking, you know, sneaking kudos. It's a lot. When was the last time you used a coin star machine? See, there you go. I would have guessed today. No, I want to say

probably six, seven years ago. Was it for cash or just because you had some change laying around? I needed money. You just need money for the morgue. Yeah, I definitely needed money. I needed a new urn. Yeah, I definitely needed money

and there was one a few blocks away from me and I did the coin star. Yeah. Hmm. Okay. Have you ever been to a red lobster? Yeah. It was in the Addams family house.

What do you mean? Yeah. Who gives a shit? I stayed in Wednesday for a couple of years. Took her there to the red lobster. I tell you what, you say what you want about red lobster but when you got a fucking cheddar biscuit sitting in front of you,

you don't have a care in the world. There's no better place for a community college graduation party. Oh, that's real trashy. Oh, okay. Red lobster. Holy shh. Same parent company as Olive Garden.

Yes, of course. Did the discount overlap? Yes. I used to work at Macy's and I could go to Bloomingdale's and get 10% too. What, your beak over there a little bit? Yeah. All right, let's do some of the standards.

Go ahead. Would you have, as a kid, you're sat down for dinner, would you have milk with dinner? No. Okay, good answer. He wouldn't get dinner. Where would you keep the ketchup after it was opened?

As a kid and now? Fridge. Fridge. Okay, do you currently have any ketchup packets in your refrigerator right now? 100%. Oh, that is garb-bazio. Duck sauce, hot mustard.

Yeah, all in one plastic bag. That's real garbage shit. Real. Yeah. You're trying to keep it. And some KFC finger-looking good sauce. What about the wipes? You got the wipes in there too?

Little lemon wipes? No, but there are some currently on my coffee table because we had wings last week. I used to want to eat those when I was a kid. They smelled so good. The lemon wipes? You know the things you wipe your little fingers with?

Yeah. That was a big deal. You know what I wanted to talk to you about? You're a fan of the pre-sliced pepperoni from the company Hormel, correct? I'm familiar. They put the thing in. What's the preservative packet they put in that?

Yeah. They do that with electronics. They put things in beef jerky. Yeah. What is it? It's some kind of... I thought it was air freshener or something. I put it in the car.

I don't know, but it's good in coffee. Put that in a cup of tea. I don't know if it does something. That's so weird you said... I almost ate one like two days ago. I'm on the keto and I've been fucking crushing pepperoni slices. Crushing. Yeah, I don't think that's going to do it, pal.

Catch up in the fridge, maple syrup in the cabinet. Yeah. Right? Man, it's hard to get a read on this. I'm a big hot sauce guy. Right? I just ordered a six pack of all the different chalulas. But I love me some hot sauce.

I probably had eight different hot sauces in the fridge right now. What was the cable situation growing up? What would your mom get you? Concast. Did you have any free... No HBO or anything like that. They were tight with a buck. Yeah, just regular cable.

And then I don't have cable now. I just have apps. Would you have free range at the TV, the remote, watch this, watch that, whatever you want, or was that restricted to? It depended. It was during the day and no one was watching. My mom had soaps in the middle of the day. It was by the cover of night.

Yeah. Oh no, no TV at night. No doors. No doors. So you couldn't watch TV. No. No TV. No A-team.

No fucking... I mean, after my parents were... A-team. He's not 50. Yeah, after my parents... My dad would watch A-team. He's my age. Yeah.

If my mom was ready for bed, no TV. That shit was out. No doors. These socks. And lights out. Can't keep my lights on and read because the light would keep my mom on because there's no doors. Lights out.

That was like military shit to me. If my mom tried to pull some lights out business, hit the fucking brick. I can't believe you didn't shoot up that mall when you went on vacation. I'll be honest with you. Man, talk about a... Something else. A very special episode of Are You Garbage? Man, I think I'm done.

Yeah. I did have one, but I mean, who even cares at this point? Have you ever sold anything at a flea market? Sold? No. This guy was in the bridge, the video. What are you talking about? When I was a kid, my aunt's best friend, Lori, ran up to my...

And I remember this so clearly. Ran up to my aunt at the flea market to say how cheap the condoms were. Oh, my God. And she was buying boxes of condoms from not even a table at the flea market. You know the side part of the flea market where it's just cardboard boxes on the ground and everything's a buck? The guy who couldn't get a table, yeah. She was buying condoms from him.

And I remember her having a kid the next year. Of course, dude. What was her name again? Chop that down. She's still single. What's going on? Holy shit. And easy.

I like it. Zacameco. Kevin. Thoughts. A headache. I don't know. Garbage? Yeah, for sure.

Garbage. I mean, he's got... Should be another word for it. I know. I don't know what the fuck it is. I don't have it. Refuse. Refuse.

I can't believe... I can't believe you're not weirder. I'm not gonna lie. Not that you are weird, but I'm just saying. Like I said, I can't... Yeah, sorry. Fucking mind's blown. I know.

I think you had a good base, right? You had a good base for maybe let's call it, I don't know, 10 years or something. And then shit went haywire a little bit, right? That's fair. That's very fair. Yeah. Even with your parents, other than the weird vacations, that training should have led you to not be garbage, right?

Like it was fucked up when you were experiencing it, but you know, you think you were super neat, super tidy, super this, super that. Yeah. Dad was a business owner, real estate, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know. Do you think you're garbage? I think I have garbage tendencies. Okay. But you know.

Yeah, we all do. Not in the way that... I mean, in the way that like, you know, I love Gigi Allen. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's two... Fuck it, Gigi Allen. There's two...

That's from like a skate video from like the early 2000s. That's a hustle. There's two... You could have two completely separate Zacameco stories. It could be Zacameco, NYU grad, works in fucking movie production, fucking, you know, all this shit, and then you could just have like the fucking sneaking snacks and hiding them in a hole in the living room. I don't fucking know.

And then getting caught for it. Yeah. Go into the mall. Couldn't even pull the caper off. The doors, crews in Alaska, like... The Alaskan crews. What were you on the Cornelia Marie? Did you ever listen to this?

He was on the fucking crab fishing boat. He was at Greenhorns. This guy's whale hunting, and they're like in... That was college. At our... Holy shit. Zacameco, 100% garbage. But like you said, garbage tendencies.

A very fucking interesting tale. And I don't know if anybody knew that whole backstory, but that was fucking something else. Thank you very much. We just got like a 15-hour deposition. I got to call my fucking wife. I don't know what's going on. Is there anything you want the folks out there to know that they might not? Yeah, just check me out on Instagram.

Zac is not funny. Check out my show, Zac, because Midnight's Spookshow every Friday at midnight here on Gas and Catalyst Wrestling, 11 a.m. on Saturdays here on Gas. And if anybody's in the Pennsylvania area, I will be in the Mahoning Drive-In Theater on August 7th and 8th for two full days of trauma movies, where I'll be hosting doing a live podcast and hanging out for, I think, two straight days watching movies. It should be really fun. Nice.

Very nice, Kippy. What do you got? Act Kevin Ryan comedy on all social media. Also guys, the support of this podcast has been fucking awesome. Unbelievable. I mean, it's wild. All the fucking real-ass podcast fans, all the fucking Legion of Skanks fans. Everybody from the Gas Digital family has been fucking awesome.

As I said, we were currently still in the top 200. We want to keep moving up, so please rate, review, subscribe, share with a friend. Also, full video available on YouTube. You can subscribe there as well. Thank you so much. Absolutely. And guys, shout out to everybody that did do reviews this week for the belly flop video. It's been so fun going back and forth with you guys, and we love yous.

And we will see you next time. Are you garbage? Peace.