Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Amy Poehler Returns

Episode Date: June 10, 2024

Amy Poehler (Inside Out 2, Women Talkin’ ‘Bout Murder, Parks and Recreation) is an actor, comedian, and director. Amy joins the Armchair Expert to discuss how much therapy means to her, giving advice to your kids, and being reluctant to ask for mentorship. Amy and Dax talk about battling with a loss of relevance, the feeling of knowing someone is upset with you and not confronting it, and pulling hot guys. Amy explains the things she’s most proud of, why she doesn’t like traditional birthday parties, and how she doesn’t hate being embarrassed. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Shepard and I'm joined by Mrs. Padman. Hi. What a fucking treat. What a major, major treat. Babers is here, Amy Poehler, our North Star, both of our favorite comedians. I know.

A god walking among us. I can't believe she sat in this very seat. I hope she farted. Well, I doubt she did. She's very classy in addition to being so talented. But just outrageously grateful about the conversation we had. And I thought she really showed

the very beautiful tender side of herself. That this is really- I feel honored. Yeah, big time. Poehler is of course an actor, a comedian, a writer, a producer, a director, a creator of a comedy empire, UCB, done every single thing someone could do.

Parks and Recreation, SNL, Inside Out, Mean Girls, Baby Mama, Ding ding ding. Carl Loomis. She has a new movie out in theaters this Friday, Inside Out 2. I can't wait. Yes, Inside Out, the first one was so perfect.

It was one of the first gifts she gave to the kids. Do you remember that? No, I don't. You gave the DVD to Lincoln because it was one of your favorite. You thought it really helped you understand your feelings. Oh, I don't. I can't believe you don't remember that.

I don't. Very sweet gift. Aww. Well, Inside Out 2 has got a bunch of new characters, which is appropriate because our lead character is going through puberty, so anxiety shows up. In addition to Inside Out 2, you should check out a new podcast she's producing with her two of her best friends called Women Talking About Murder. Instagram for the fact check, we're gonna play some clips.

Yes, please enjoy our friend, our sweetest babes, Amy Poehler. We are supported by Buick. Imagine having a new Buick in your life that makes everything a piece of cake. Truly, the new 2024 Encore GX is brimming with style and substance with its confident lines, distinctive character, and the all-new Buick Tri-Shield badge. It's also designed to make your life easier with incredible features, like an available

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hey, who should I take in the Boston game? Well, statistically speaking, no more statistically speaking. I want hot takes. I want knee jerk reactions. That's not really what I do. Is that because you don't have any knees? Or? The score back, trusted sports content,

seamless sports betting. Download today. 19 plus, Ontario only. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please go to connexontario.ca He's an armchair expert Gonna get a tea because I'm a tea. You're a tea gal? A tea boy?

I'm gonna get a tea because I'm a tea... You're a tea gal? A tea gal. A tea boy? Oh my god. I'm a grade A tea boy. Rob, that wasn't helpful. You're supposed to take the tea packet. Oh wow! Oh the temperature! Oh Rob, if I may... Good job, Rob. Boil it, baby. To 12. Because I like to drink it like the Brits. So you gotta do high boil So you can get it to 214 It's not supposed to be possible science tells us it's not possible I can't believe I'm eating Wabi Wab and Monica I've never met you in person. I hate that but I'm so thrilled Can we take a second to recognize how insanely cute Wabi Wabi is? Were you expecting to meet that cute? Well, I've seen pictures of Wabi Wabi online. Sure.

Have you seen him in some of the- Promotional material? Promotional material. And I'm curious, do you sit back there? I do sit back there. Running the board. Can I tell you one funny story? Yeah.

So we had Wiz Khalifan. From researching him, I knew there's no way this dude can get through two hours without smoking weed. So I said, please feel free to smoke weed. So we have the window open and whatever and he's smoking. And I thought he would smoke a joint or something, but he smoked six in a row for the entire. And I had this moment where I was like, I'm a little high I think. And then I look over at Monica and Monica has this, here's Monica, she's like this.

And I go, oh my God, Monica's big. Here's the best part. Rob, who I've never seen in my life. I look over and Rob's like. Here's the best part. Rob, I've never seen this in my life. I look over and Rob's like this. He sits like this. But Rob is like. That was like a fork of more all the way to the front.

Rachel Dratch has a really funny story about being at an SNL after party and someone gave her black crow's weed. Okay. So I showed her. He sees weed and she couldn't get out of her chair because she's not a weed smoker. She smoked just a little bit

and she just stayed in her chair for like five hours until somebody rescued her. Oh my God, you guys, I'm just taking in the attic here. We're so happy. I feel like I know everything in this room because I am the ultimate arm cherry. That is. The ultimate.

I think my favorite feather in the cap is the fact that when you text me to say you like an episode, I really each time I think, she's just being really nice. I stopped a little bit because I was like, it's too much. It will never be too much. Okay, good, two more.

I mean, I don't even know where to begin with how much I like it. Even if you have rolling thoughts, like in the morning you're like, hey, love the Maya episode. Just a little bit of feedback. Later you're like, yeah, this one part. I could do an all day stream of your reaction. Oh my God, I love it so much.

And I was saying to Dax that I was listening to when I was on before, which kind of is in that wasteland of 2021. And watching us on Zoom and just feeling like, whoa, that was a hundred years ago. It felt so far away. But you guys had already been doing it for two years, probably at that point. When did you start? 2019? 2018. Six and a hundred years ago. It felt so far away. But you guys had already been doing it for two years, probably at that point.

When did you start? 2019? 2018. Six and a half years in. I had already been listening. I mean, I've listened since day one. Oh my God. I think when Dax first told me-

Thank you so much, Rob. Good job, Rob. He heated it to the right temp. He's handing me a tea. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much, Rob. Is it hot as 80s? It is. It's the correct British way. Is it hot as 80s? It is.

It's the correct British way. Do you need milk with it? That's the really correct British way. I feel like Rob has sat down now and I don't want to ask him to get back up. I'm happy to go get you some milk. Please and thank you. I'd love some milk and some sugar.

Some regular milk? That's how I do it too. Yes, that's the British way. It's the British way. Sorry, Rob. It's the only way. It is the only way. When Dax told's the only way. It is the only way. When Dax told me that you listened,

or I think he set me, he probably betrayed your trust and sent me a screen grab of a text. You'd be fine with that. Of course. It's a compliment. Everything I text, I try to assume someday could be published.

Yeah. Truly. It's the best moment that's happened in six and a half years for sure. Including Matt Damon. Whoa. That's the best moment that's happened in six and a half years, for sure. Including Matt Damon. Whoa. That was the highlight. I could not believe that you were listening.

Wow. It was so special. Well, of course I would listen to Babers. But hold on though. I could make an argument in many ways you wouldn't. Really? Yes, because I think if I've ever met anyone very similar, you and I are mini hotheads, justice warriors,

chip on our shoulder, analyzing everyone's intentions and motives. So in some weird way, I can imagine you going like, ugh. Well, I love podcasts. That's my thing. I love listening to them. It's kind of replaced a lot of things for me. Living in LA, driving, listening.

But like you, I love trying to figure out humans. And when you're listening, it's safe. Like you're listening to a conversation, you're having your thoughts about it, but I'm processing it on my own. That's why podcasts are great. You listen on your own. Yeah, and you don't have to worry

about your face betraying you. You can almost react in a way, because certainly there's moments in here where I wanna go like, you know, give a whoa. Yeah. But I'm not free to do that. I know. But you kind of are.

I love what you guys do, because I feel like I'm in the deep end with most of my conversations now. I just want to kind of get into the deep end. Yes, impatient to get there. But it's hard when you're doing work, or you don't want to do deep end conversations with people that you don't know, or you can't, I don't know. You don't want to do deep end conversations with people that you don't know

or you can't, I don't know. You don't know their comfort level. The small talk is hard. We gotta get right there. I actually feel more comfortable there because I think maybe like you, I am working on it, but I'm pretty hyper vigilant so I wanna know who I'm dealing with.

I know, so Babers, it is a curiosity of mine because on the surface, mom and dad are married I'm dealing with. I know, so Babers, it is a curiosity of mine because I'm working on it. On the surface, mom and dad are married. Yeah. And Bill's a lovely guy. Yeah, don't have a very high A score. Okay, great, so this is one of my questions. I've taken the test.

You have. Did you take it a few times to see if you could get your number up a little bit? Yeah, I did that. Playing it fast and loose with food scarcity. Like we didn't have Kraft brand macaroni and cheese. That counts. Yeah, thank you, Rob.

I'm sorry to make you leave the attic. I'm loving watching this. I really appreciate you doing that. Thank you. And I'm sorry you had to leave. Sorry. Okay. Okay.

Ace score hypervigilance. Yeah, I'm working on it. To answer your question, why, I'm not quite sure. I think I was born with it a little bit. I think I was a little parentified. My parents were young. What's parentified? Okay, like you become the parent.

Oh, right, right, right. The responsible one. Yeah, my parents were really young, loving parents, but young. We kind of grew up together. So I think I felt from an early age, I have to pay attention here. It's my job, too.

I might be asked to take the wheel at any moment. Yeah, I felt that from a very early age, I have to pay attention here, it's my job too. I might be asked to take the wheel at any moment. Yeah, I felt that from a very early age, like eight or nine, I remember. Maybe it's just ego, or I don't know what it is, I'm working on it, but I definitely felt like, I think I'm in charge here. Yeah. And you talk a little bit about it too,

but I just felt out of my body a little bit and aware of surroundings early, and then I got rewarded for it. Positive feedback loop. Well, this was gonna be one of my questions and much later, but I feel like every time I do bump into you, you and I are on a similar self-exploration path,

or maybe you'll bring up something you've been mulling around and I'll think, oh yeah, that's really fun to think about, I'm gonna try that. I was wondering, we have our story, and our story explains why we are the way we are. It's so comforting, right? I can see you rolling around and it,

frolicking in the story. And then this kind of disruptive thing happens where you have children, and one of my two children's, Lincoln, she has all the shit I have without any of the reasons I gave myself for being this way. And I'm more and more having to maybe consider like,

oh no man, it was all genetics. The story is just something you've put on top of it. And I'm just curious if you've had that experience with kids and if it's like poked holes at all in your story. Big time. Some of it is watching codependency, what it looks like for them and realizing, right, I did that, I still do that, seeing that, and then having a kid that is really different than you.

That's also a big one, like, if they're an island, you're a wave kind of thing. But deeper than the kid thing, if you're getting older and you're doing any work on yourself, there just becomes like an end of act two moment. And an embarrassment, right? It's so embarrassing. Like all these, I always, I never,

I'm this kind of person. Ugh, it's so gross because it's not really true or even really true anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe it's just an old story. And then you gotta start practicing your backhand, basically, what is your backhand? The thing that you can do,

you just don't do it as much or as often? Do you wanna practice that in act three? But it's so funny you say that. On my way here I was thinking, I wonder what version of myself will show up in this interview. Oh. Oh, that's fun.

I wanted to be the authentic version, but I was nervous because I could bring a different version if I wanted to. Yeah. Well, you have one that produces great results. This was another one of my highlighted words I just wanted to talk about was performative. Yes, dude.

As a concept. Let me back up. You're in therapy, I imagine? Yes, I'm in group therapy and individual. Oh my goodness. And guess what's coming back? Couples therapy. We just interviewed Lorna. Guess what, motherfucker?

What? She was sitting right where you're sitting five days ago. So you know, I'm so obsessed with couples therapy that I do a fake podcast where I play a couples therapist named Dr. Sheila. Question mark. The question mark, thank you, Dex, due to legal reasons. And I'm obsessed, and you are too.

Why do you think we are? Why are we obsessed with couples therapy? Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm obsessed and you are too. Why do you think we are? Why are we obsessed with couples therapy? Well I'm obsessed with all of it. I love Orna. I love anyone that does a good job at anything so she's good. Her hair and her ability to just look and not talk is crazy. And it just pulls out the thing in the other person that they don't even know. It's so under the surface and all of a sudden this like recluse is crying and opening. It's unbelievable. And then also I'm obsessed with why is she doing it? Oh, we get into that one better.

Okay, can't wait to hear. Then the couples, I'm like, thank you for your service. Truly. And not in a million years, babes. For me? No way. Yeah. That's too much. Yes. for your service and not in a million years, babers, for me? No way! That's too much.

Yes, in you and I, this is where we diverge a little bit. We do have different comfort levels with that aspect. We do. And I guess probably my explanation, my story, is AA for 20 years. I think I'm so used to fucking strangers are there and I'm talking about shitting the bed in an orgy and we move on and I live.

I'm working on, this is gonna sound so cheesy, this connection, but this is why I'm talking about shitting the bed in an orgy and we move on and I live. I'm working on, this is gonna sound so cheesy, this connection, but this is why I'm like, I'm gonna do TikTok this year because I know this is cheesy. I know you referenced TikTok in an interview. I love TikTok. But the connection really, it's bigger than that, which is how do you allow yourself to be seen? You have to allow yourself to be seen or known.

Sometimes as I get older, I realize, am I truly known? Gets like a deep ache. You want to be known? So it's kind of like how much do you give away? Who can you do it with and to? You want to be known. You don't want to feel lonely. Vapors, you're emotional about being known I can't really part of it to be known but also To know yourself or do you feel like you a hundred percent? I feel sad for the parts of me that didn't allow myself to be out there and be known Which is why couples therapy is so fascinating to me

It's like this combination of and therapy general, being tender and being known, and then also setting good boundaries and taking care of yourself. It's deep stuff. I just love it. Does that make sense? It does. My kind of recent breakthrough

with this attempt at therapy, my most recent attempt, which is going on for two and a half years. And this is your first time you've ever done therapy? Yeah, like I did couples therapy. I saw one person for a minute, maybe two different people. The real thing that happened in this one that's magic,

I assessed this guy immediately as someone that could care less if he got my approval. That's an important aspect for me in the equation. Do you sense that? Yes, honestly, my job in therapy is to just straight up, therapy 101, feel my feelings. Barf. No thank you.

Fucking barf. It always comes back to the pause of just could you sit in that feeling? It's so annoying. I wanna get into the action. I wanna get into frankly, the more heady approval stuff. Solution based. Yes, I wanna think about status and power. I wanna talk about the action, I wanna get into frankly, the more heady approval stuff. Solution based. Yes, I wanna think about status and power.

I wanna talk about all this stuff. I wanna be victorious over it. And I just wanna get in on my head. But it's just feel your feelings. What are you feeling? Does it make you sad? And it's like, yes, makes me sad. Does it make you angry?

Yes, and it's just like, stay there for a minute and you're just like, are you kidding me? Yeah. Is yours a man or a woman? I have a woman. And was that intentional? I have had both. I've had a few therapists and I've had mostly women

and I've had a man and that was interesting too. I have to say with the male therapist, I felt a little more performative. And do you have any bias? Like is there one gender that's harder to trust than the other for you? Well, what I respond to, I feel like, again, a story that I take care of myself and a lot of people,

like that I'm a big caretaker, I get a lot of pride from it. I think you do too. Yeah, esteem. You've created an actual cult and a family here and there's a mommy and a daddy and a baby and everyone's married. So I wanna be the cult leader,

like I don't wanna be in the cult. But I think sometimes I wanna be very little to someone's big. I love being little. Getting taken care of. Yes. You wanna feel tiny. Yes.

This is why you and I have a good rhythm. That's why I love your giantness. And I wanna protect you. I know. And so I like therapists that are a little bossy and big. So I guess it's kinda of what you're saying. I can't bowl them over or win them over or impress them or trick them.

I like kind of being mother. It's like the high powered CEO being the sub. I'm obsessed with sub and dom in general. I'm so dom in a lot of my life. I don't always want to be that way. Yes. Especially in intimate relationships. Yeah.

Is it a rejection thing? Is it you're protecting yourself so much because you're worried about rejection or fear of rejection? Interesting. I don't know if it's as much that as it is just the relief of being not in control. Cause I love control.

It's why COVID sent me over the edge and I'm always realizing I'm not in control. That's a thing I have to keep remembering. This is very timely. So the one that's like me or that I am like her and she's her own person. Eh, eh, police myself. Be open to the fact she's her own person.

I know and it'll change too. That's weird. She has a really hard time going to sleep as I have always had. And I'm watching her just battle it. I always describe it like getting into bed to me is like getting in the cage with a tiger. Ooh, it's so funny you say that.

I used to fight bedtime as a kid all the time too. It felt like a challenge. Do you know why? It's hard to control when you are unconscious. Now I love bedtime. I think about bedtime. All day. I dream about bedtime.

I feel like I can't wait for bedtime. You're a bedtime boy. I'm such a. He's a bedtime boy. Rob, don't you use that picture of me. I've seen the pictures that you use. Rob loves to use open mouth pictures. But you're a bedtime boy now.

Okay, so she has a problem with bedtime. Yeah, and again, she also hates instruction, just like I do. Bryce doesn't want to learn from anybody but herself. And so last night was particularly gruesome, and I said to her, all I'm asking for tonight is just start imagining what surrender looks like. For me, surrender is the hardest thing in the world,

but I don't think you can try to go to sleep. When you try to go to sleep, it can't happen. You just have to surrender and try to read a book and try to listen to an audio book. Forget about sleeping. Consider the idea of surrendering and then can be a victory. Can I ask you something about that? Because do you feel when you share your stories with your kids, because what's coming up for

me, what's coming up for me, is that, Dr. Thank you, is that sometimes I see them disconnect when I'm talking. I mean, it happens with us already in life when just anyone that's older than us, and we're like, well, you know, when I got my first job, and you're just like, it's not like that anymore. Your experience is different. Does that ever happen when you share, you know, the way I do it?

It's gotta be really, really specific and thoughtful. And if it's about like, oh, when I was a kid I didn't have a swimming pool. Yeah, if I'm comparing two things that are different. Yeah, it's about the feeling. Yes, a great example is she's in the back seat and she was just at friend's house who were Christian. They prayed at the dinner table and she felt really weird

and that maybe they wouldn't like her because she didn't believe that. And I didn't cut to how to deal with it. I just went like, oh my God, I remember that so well. There were so many kids I grew up with, you'd be at that table and they're all praying and you're like, are they gonna look at me? I think my only goal is to let them know like,

you're not alone or weird in this experience. And this person you're seeing who's fully functional and has created this world you live in, also had all that stuff. So why do you have to do the second part, which is giving her the tip of how to go to sleep? Because I'm here as a challenger. Yes.

The idea of surrender, I'm asking for myself too. No, no, really challenge. Why can't we stop at the empathy part and not have to give the fix part? Well, because she is 11 and she is dealing with insomnia, and I've been dealing with it for as long as I can remember, and I have acquired some tools.

I didn't figure out until eight years ago that a book on tape is the perfect level of distraction so I can't focus on the going to sleep. It seemed crazy not to offer that to her, or if she ends up being an addict, and I know about AA and I don't say it to her. But I think what's key, or at least how I receive stuff, is like, I'm not telling her what to do.

I'm telling her what's worked for me. So I've got teens now, and I am learning though, the way to keep them talking is to not do the second part. Ah-ha, okay. Is to do the part of, that happened to me too, it is hard to go to sleep, period, the end. Yeah. As well intentioned and as sensitive and thought out

and connected as the second part is, I think it gets kids feeling like expectation, they wanna do it for you. I see exactly what you're saying. I agree with you, and I think it's aspirational. Because the challenger part in me, even the most soft version of that in my head, I'd be like, well, I've tried that, I'm doing that,

I know that. And exacerbates maybe the frustration she's already feeling. Like it almost presents the fact that there is a solution, she's just not using it. You're right, ideally I would never do it unless they directly ask me for advice. Because it seems like you're having a hard time

with her insomnia. You've said a couple times that it reminds you of your insomnia. So I'm just saying, you know, like, I know people do this, but she's gonna go to sleep. It's gonna work itself out. She's not going to, she's going to figure out how to go to sleep.

Sleep deprivation. She's gonna figure it out. It's interesting. You might be uncomfortable with her insomnia. Well, you know, it's even more direct. I'm not, Kristen is, and I'm also trying to manage. You're trying to navigate, yeah.

You know, the coven of me has got these two of my three gals are tore up about this thing. And then the dude in me is like, okay, it's so, yeah. If I may, the dude in you is like, I'll fix it in a very sneaky way where they think I'm just sharing my AA version of my story, but I am telling her to surrender because nothing works more than when you tell someone

to surrender. Yeah, when you Machiavellian. I relate, I wanna fix it. I definitely have that vibe. I don't think it's binary though. I don't think you can have an approach which is I don't ever give advice or I do give advice. No, I just find for me when I start to,

it's where I lose them. The results are clear. But part of it's ego, right? Because you want to be someone who is good at giving advice. I think all three of us here like that. OK, let me ask you this, because I had a therapist ask me this one time, and I loved it. What do you do when people don't take your advice?

What does it bring up? Like, I'm not worthy. Yeah. Yes. Like, oh, what I said was, I guess, or you wasted my time. Or you get mad. Yeah, exactly. Same. I said was I guess or you wasted my time. Yeah, exactly same. I Friggin love advice you love giving it or receiving it. I love giving it You know what you should do it's like

70% of the sentence is my brother starts this you know what I would do if I were you? And I'm like, yeah, this is a show stopper. Or how about when someone's like, have you ever thought? And I'm like, it's just like, no. I can't even hear. Earplugs in. But to me it's the person. If the person who's trying to give me advice,

I know is also very receptive to advice. They themselves have taken in a lot of advice. I am more willing. But if it's not someone who I think is very good at receiving and then they're trying to give, I'm like, no, no, you don't get to do that. Totally. It's just the right person in the right way. But I notice it. Luckily, I have a tool or a trick now where I can put my foot in the door for a second longer and be like, oh, OK, hold on.

Something's happening. But yes, go ahead. Even that's enough. But I didn't realize that when I was getting it back, I would just start shutting down. But I was so good at fooling people, they didn't know. I was like, thank you, thank you, yes, so good, thank you. And then I just didn't receive it. So do you feel seen when I talk about,

I have done myself such a disservice by not calling people along the way that were already in the same station and say, hey, what's the ride been like for the last three years? What should I look out for? I completely relate. And I have been trying to fix that because women who are about 10 years older than me are so prime time for me.

I'm so blown away by how helpful they are just even being around them. I don't ask. Yeah. Is that really enough? Yeah. But I'm working on it because when I do, I feel like a watered plant or something. But I am the same. I love being a mentor, of course, it's my dream.

It's the best feeling in the world. Let me applaud you. You're a fucking great mentor. We have people in here endlessly who you have played a role in their journey to where they wanted to get. You were great at it. Well, it's like my forehand, I love it.

I get to work on my back. Yeah, so I can see several different motivations for not availing yourself to advice. I know a few of mine and I'm curious what your explanation is. Because I think maybe it would expose the fact that I don't belong here to ask. And that's a great fear of mine.

Like, do I really belong here? And if I'm actually admitting to you I'm not sure how to navigate this, I'm really exposing myself is maybe not belonging here. Is that part of it or is it more like it's a weakness? Okay, I'll get vulnerable here. Monica, I feel this way about relationships, maybe you do too, but you know, I'm single.

When people talk about relationships, it's just like, if they don't do it the right way, it's so wrong. And you just don't know what to say other than like, just do it the right way, it's so wrong. And you just don't know what to say other than like just do it the right way. I can't tell you, but if you say anything wrong, I just can't, so I think it's less imposter syndrome and more just like true vulnerability and sensitivity

to being afraid that they're gonna get something wrong about you. I think it just comes back to if I open up and say, what do you think I should do? And someone gives me advice that isn't right. It's like, they don't actually know me. That's the part that makes me feel sad. Yes, and then also now they think something wrong about me. And I didn't say it right to them.

I always feel so bad. I'm like, no, I didn't mean it like that. Miscommunication is so sad for me. It makes me feel disconnected. I've done it three times this year, and it's the first three times in my entire life. You've gone out to a mentor? I've asked people if I can talk to them for advice.

I gotta do that more, that's gonna be a goal. It was when wrestling with this fear of a loss of relevance, which I can barely admit out loud that that's something I will ruminate on, and then that my financial trajectory would take that down a cliff, huge economic insecurity. All three people I asked advice for, who had been further along down the path

in a very similar path, they didn't have great advice. But commiserating with them and sharing that we both have those fears was enormously helpful and right-sized it. And actually, in its own weird way, was advice. I left feeling much better. Did you share with them that it was hard to ask? Yeah. I think that helps. I don't think people think that things are sometimes hard for me. So I sometimes have to go, this might be weird, but it's kind of hard for me to ask this.

And you can tell people really relax. And are probably shocked because you present, of all the people I've watched, there's so much seeming confidence in who you are. I think it's why people are attracted to you. There's just like a clear direction you seem to always be moving in, and it's very much the steering wheels in your hand.

And yeah, I imagine it shocks people to hear that Amy is scared or fearful or confused. Wow, great job, Amy. You really managed to never. I was like, what the fuck? Okay, your goal was to have control and you did it. Yes. You got it. So you did do a good job, but now it's not serving you anymore.

It's not serving you anymore. It's not serving. And so you have to let it go. Yeah, I gotta practice it. I'm so the same, and I just had this huge meltdown, essentially. Ooh, on air? Can we listen to it?

It was not on air. Okay. But it can be right now. Yeah. I had a big meltdown. It almost came out on air, because then we recorded the next day, and I was still so fucked up about it,

and it was with Orna. I entered the space, and I was like so fucked up about it and it was with Orna. I entered the space and I was like, oh my God, I'm already on tilt. I'm already not well and then we're sitting with Orna. And she's just gonna get right in there. And within the first two minutes, I was like, I'm about to cry. So I have to stop and I don't wanna draw attention to this.

Isn't it so funny because some people love crying. Yeah, but it's so embarrassing. It's like throwing up. It is, it is. It is, if you feel better after. I can cry on my own in my car, but in front of other people, it's hard. I know, but you know, there's also nothing I love

more than somebody feeling safe to cry in front of me. It's a beautiful thing. But anyway, I had this big meltdown, and a friend was there for it, and then she told another friend, Jess, and then Jess came up to me after, and he was like, you know, I forget that you struggle because you are always the person to give advice

and you're always the person who seemingly has their shit together. And that's why I like this show, is I don't want to hear people's like, I got my shit together, who cares? Yeah. There's nothing for me to learn. They also don't.

They also don't, none of us do, but why don't I afford myself the same luxury of that? It's really weird. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert. If you dare. We are supported by Buick. Imagine having a new Buick in your life that makes everything a piece of cake. Truly, the new 2024 Encore GX is brimming with style and substance with its confident lines,

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Tap the banner or visit this episode's page to know more about your meltdown, but I know you don't. I can say. We'll see what we keep in of it because it has to do with the show a little bit. So are you okay with me telling this? Yeah, of course. Okay. We had a live show many years ago and there was a guy there with a sign. We've talked about it a lot on here.

Yeah, is this the dance that you guys do where you're like, he was into you? 100%. I have feelings about this. I almost want to hear him before you hear the story because you might be very vindicated. I have no course in this race. Having observed it, it's a dance you guys get into a lot.

My question is, how's it working for you? Terribly. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I'll be the first to to admit it doesn't ever have any impact. What comes up for me is I've been on the side of Monica where I feel like someone is. It's not gaslighting, but it's this feeling of someone's telling you something and it doesn't make you feel better. And they can't understand why it doesn't. You feel bad that you're not feeling better.

You can feel the other person really wanting to, no, you're not understanding. This is what I'm saying. And you're also talking about something that's not really provable. It's not objective. You're also the perfect person to be talking about this because I quote your book all the time.

You have the same ism Monica and I have, which is you didn't think you were hot. Exactly. You're the perfect person, I think, to be entering this. Of course. And clearly there's been a bunch of me in your life going, Amy, are you fucking ridiculous? And you know what's so funny is,

what I feel in those moments is, you're trying to build up Monica's self-esteem, but from my experience, it does the opposite. It makes you feel even worse. Yes. Because you feel pity. Yes, somebody is trying to prove to you that you're good enough, but that they have to do that

means you're not. Yes. Well, I will challenge that, though. I'm not having to do it because you're vocally telling me you're not worthy of anyone's attraction. It starts with, I live in a reality where I travel through the world with Monica and I see dudes like her.

Could you tolerate the discomfort of not having to prove her wrong about that? Because if someone says, I'm feeling that way, and someone says, that's crazy, there's a million people, it just doesn't work. It feels like I'm denying your experience. And I know Monica knows what your intention is, so it's so pure on top of it not working. You feel bad that you're not receiving

the loving intention. Yeah, yeah. It's a double whammy. I know you're doing something nice, so I feel bad because you're doing something nice and I don't like it. Your timing for this is perfect and she'll tell the story why because I'm done with it. So it's funny you would bring that up and that's over for us.

And this story will demonstrate the outcome of it. So we have this guy on or he was at the show. He had this sign. He calls it out. It's this big thing. This guy's in love with you. And I said, no, he's not. And I think he just is doing a funny, fun thing, whatever.

This is a back and forth for so many years. This example gets used, as you've heard all the time, as to what's going on. and I think he just is doing a funny, fun thing, whatever. This is a back and forth for so many years. This example gets used, as you've heard, all the time as to why I can't see that people like me. And so last week, how do I say this without- So the guy who was in love with her is now dating a male friend of hers. Yeah, and I found this out, and I had a meltdown.

And I was like really struggling. Ooh, you had a meltdown and I was like really struggling you had a meltdown That's very interesting that that's where you went. Well at first I was like I knew it I was gonna say you didn't feel vindicated. I did that was the first thought but then it was immediately Followed with so much sadness and I couldn't really figure out why at first but it was that I had to Accept that when Dax says that to me, I don't believe him, but I want to, and there's a piece that I leave open for it to be true. And so when it's not, it's just devastating.

Yeah. Of course, and I knew, I was like, don't be mad at him for this, it's not his fault. But this feeling is more about me and you than it is about me and that guy. It's more about like this dynamic. Well, I would even say it's you and you. My worthiness, my feeling unlovable,

it's just all immediately right there. And also, yes, anger with myself of why isn't this fixed yet? I understand. And then she was pretty mad at me that day. I wasn't mad at you, but I wanted to tell you. Well, I specifically asked, are you mad at me about this? And you said, yeah.

Sorry, I'm turning into Orna now, but when you say, are you mad at me? And someone says, yes, do you get a charge? No. Oh, I don't need a charge like, yeah, let's go. Well, let's just say I love confrontation. That's what I mean. I love the battle.

Like, I just love that someone tells me they're mad at me. I love the honesty. And Monica and I, for our many faults, they're mad at me. I love the honesty. Monica and I for our many faults, we're very, very honest with each other and it's how we've kept this thing coming. It's like my biggest fear is someone's mad at me

and they don't tell me. Is that, cause can't you tell? I don't really even have that fear. I guess it's not even a fear. I guess when they're upset and we don't talk, it just feels so awful. Yeah, I hate that. Let's do this.

The weird space. And I got it. I understand. So the unraveling happened. And then of course my defense of myself was like, yeah, you know what, one of these guys, again, I'm not remounting the argument, but I get text all the time from dudes in my life. You are remounting me.

You are doing it right now. You're actually getting right back on the stool. My personal fear was, oh God, one person was proven correct, so now the whole worldview is kind of confirmed that no guys like her. And then I just decided this is never gonna yield any positive outcome, and I do yield.

Oh sorry, my phone is going off. Oh, let's see who's calling, maybe it's someone fun. Ooh, you're there. Oh my God, it's Cedar City, Utah. I think it is spam. By the way, that was crazy Spidey senses. How did you even, did you feel like you felt it chemically? I heard a little buzz.

Okay, because I didn't hear about this. I have my phone down, my pants, I keep them on my break. So, well, I think it's interesting is what if we slid it over to something that isn't as charged in the pie of life? Maybe the relationship piece is a little charged and a little tender right now. So let's say you slide it over to something that you feel like a little bit more solid

and let's say work. So if someone says, I'm trying to get a job and someone else who's been in the job market, because you've been married for a long time. So a married person who hasn't maybe been putting resumes out says, you know what you should do? Or you know what, there's a ton of people that wanna give you a job.

You'd be like, but it is different now. I'm having a different experience and you haven't been looking for a job for 15 years. And so I wanna try to remember to ask more people that are also looking for a job, what they're doing, a little bit less. The people that haven't looked for a new job in 15 years, but they're well-intentioned.

Yeah, they want the best for you. Of course, and of course I'm gonna get a job. You just slide it over to another thing. It just feels very clear. It's just the charged stuff that I super relate to. The fears of not being enough romantically are for me the strongest in the world. To not be desirable, that's the number one thing.

As a single person, there's also just an added layer of like, who is the person? Because the last five years, especially as a person dating out in the world has been a trip. I just want to commiserate, empathize, just say the job market is not the same as it was, not to call it a market, but it is. It has its own different things now and people are experiencing differently and people are dating differently, people are expressing themselves differently. So I noticed it because I've spanned both versions.

It's not maybe the way you might be remembering it. I'm getting a little defensive. I can feel it about, I don't know that I'm giving so much advice and maybe I am and I'm blind to it, but I would think of it more, or this is what it feels like it is to me, is I also know Monica's a great writer and she has opportunities to it, but I would think of it more, or this is what it feels like it is to me, is I also know Monica's a great writer,

and she has opportunities to write that come up. And I tell her all the time, like, don't forget, like you're a bad motherfucking writer, and that's a very rare skill. Don't underestimate how few people can actually write. In my opinion, that separates the adults from the kids. That's the superpower. And I'll just throw that her way.

I'm not saying like you should submit for a book or you should do this or you should contact this person I'm just kind of at times as I hope I would do with any friends like when I see you have something special I want you to not sleep on it. But the difference is I'm not saying No, I'm not I agree I know that about myself. So when you say it, it makes me feel good I like that you know that about myself. So when you say it, it makes me feel good. I like that you like that about me, but it's not doing anything to me because I already know that about myself.

I feel confident there, it's just nice, but the relationship stuff, I don't know anything. It's so scary, it's so hard for me, it's so deep, it's so old, all this stuff. And this is my fault, that anything anyone says is gonna rock the foundation. That's my stuff to fix, and you matter to me. So your opinion matters, so when you say stuff,

I'm like, maybe it's true, because he's saying it. And then when it's not, I'm mad. Yeah, I get it, I'm sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. I would not want to add on the layer that you're articulating, which is like, and now I also feel bad because of this. I don't wish to do that, and I'm sorry.

You guys talk about a lot of stuff in here. You really get in, and it's enmeshed in a way, so maybe you want to figure out how much. It's difficult because it's content. Your stuff is your content too, so it's difficult. Amy, on your journey though over the last five years, I do want to know one aspect. You turned into a couple of serpies. your stuff is your content too, so it's difficult. Amy, on your journey though over the last five years, I do wanna know one aspect.

We turned into couples, Serby. Because I, even after getting out of the relationship with Brie. Is Brie gonna be on the show, by the way? Because you know, I've met Brie. Oh yes, yes you have. Babers, we've known each other a long. We have.

We have been through a lot. 20? It's 18, 19 years, yeah, yeah. So yes, after Brie, I had this two year panicked feeling of like, that can only happen to you when you're young. I had this real fear that I could never maybe feel that thing and that maybe that's just a part of being young. And I'm just curious, do you have that at all?

In where? Where you're at, where you're dating and you're not 20 years old. No, mine is more really trying to bring, kind of what we were talking about earlier, bring the authentic version of myself to a relationship. Cause I think that's the work is showing up and figuring out what that is.

And I've been grateful that I've turned the work in a little bit. Other people as medicine was definitely something I probably... Yeah, we all do, yeah. I always say it's the original drug. 100%. For me, it was sixth grade.

Me too, man. Sixth grade, it hit. I mean, I've pulled so many hot guys. Yeah, you have. I know some of the roster. And the pull, the pull. Sorry to brag. You bragged.

The poll was part of the charge. And then what is intimacy? Like working on that. So it's almost like it's just trying to figure that out day by day. And so when you're doing all that work on yourself, figuring out how to also just casually be casual. It's weird. It feels weird. It just feels like rubbing your stomach

and patting your head at the same time. It's just like, I don't care, I totally care. I want this to be so important, I could give a fuck if I ever see you again. The two things are strange. Don't you think it almost feels like they're diametrically opposed? Like if I actually get to this place

where I'm not fearful that you could see all of me and you would reject me, I almost imagine I wouldn't even be interested in partnership Not to get like too global but I think the romantic love is so Lionized and there's so many versions of love. I know I have a ton of them in my life So they fulfill all this stuff, but we still are just obsessed With one version of love and even we know that version is not even real them in my life. So they fulfill all this stuff, but we still are just obsessed with one version of love. And even we know that version is not even real. It's temporary at best.

A hundred percent. So sometimes I'm like, do I just miss the oxytocin of the love part? Yeah. So I feel kind of sober. I'm not using anybody and I'm not being used. I'm trying to figure it out. It's hard. I wonder, like me, it's such a part of who I am, like just endless female validation I need to know at all times. And actually as I'm getting older and I'm feeling myself transcendent,

that almost scares the fuck out of me. I was just in Austin for a week by myself and I go to Barton Springs and I can see these women are hot. Like I'm observing, no, that one's very hot. That one's very hot. And then there's no second thought of like, I would like to do anything with them. And I'm like, oh, that one's very hot. That one's very hot. And then there's no second thought of like, I would like to do anything with them. And I'm like, oh, I'm getting older.

And I don't wanna do anything with them. And that scares me. Like, well then why am I on pleasure? That's been the like singular reason I've wanted to be alive is to go out there and get some approval from ladies. It's a scary thing to let go in the same way any other maybe addiction is. It's like, that's the zest of life.

I think of it as the end of act two, basically, which is, okay, so there's a big thing at the end of act two, which is like, what the fuck are we gonna do? Oh no, we're screwed. And then you realize, but it opens up spirituality and it opens up compassion and it opens up connection. It opens up a lot of other things, but I know what you mean. I'm phrasing it as like, I'm holding onto it.

I'm not, but I'm aware of it. And I'm like, was such a curious thought to be on this planet and meet someone that's high status and attractive and never even think I wonder if they like me. That's such an unimaginable world for me. And then what goes in place of that? I so relate because even with comedy and improv

and all this stuff, like you were just aware of status. You would play around with it. You'd have fun with it. The big and little of it all. And then when it kind of starts to fall away, I mean, I guess it's just fear of death, really. It's just like, oh no, am I going to die? To bring up an interview I was reading with you

and you were talking about that you have discovered later in life that you're more of an introvert than you knew. And I guess I was wondering when I read that, are you discovering you are always more of an introvert or has the context of your life actually just made you more of an introvert? Because I think for me, I was just trying constantly

to get everyone's approval and basically everyone around me had higher status or they were further along in their career or they had more money, whatever the thing is. And then as I have gained status, the hit isn't there. Interesting, maybe. Because if I'm dead honest with myself, like I just went to this interesting conference

for two days and all of a sudden there was like professors there, I want them to think I'm smart. Lo and behold, here's the extrovert I always was. Cause I too have had the same thing. I'm like, I'm an introvert now, but put me in the right room and I'm not. I'm right back to being an extrovert. Ooh, you're hitting on something.

I mean, it's disgusting, but I think it's the truth about me. It's not disgusting. It's like human nature. We're social primates. Ooh, that's so interesting. You might be right because I did learn in the pandemic, I wasn't a true introvert, because I was really hurting. Itchy. I just felt I definitely need people and I need to feel connected to those people. But I'm going to really think about that because I don't think I ever really

recognized the amount of energy I would put out. I felt really proud of how much energy I could put out. And then when the universe kind of made us all stop, I definitely had to look at my workaholism and just productivity in general, the myth of that, and what does that even mean? And that's very generational. Like we definitely were told that. So part of my extra version was about the grind.

I just got such pride in how much I felt like I could grind and hustle. Even letting that go feels like a vitality part that's really scary. I know for you it's tied into money. On the zero to 10, where are you at on the money? I don't have the same, no. I have a very-

Interested is your very blue collar. I've thought about it because I've listened to you guys talk about it. I don't have the same fear. I'd never felt a grasping energy with it and therefore it didn't feel like it was gonna go away. I'm not hypervigilant in a way that I am about other things, so that's not my fan.

Is that your hang up? This time around. I definitely feel like there's some karma I gotta burn off, and money isn't my karma this time around. Right. Thank God. But there's other stuff. Can we pause real quick,

because I have a question about when you said you pull hot guys. So is that the status marker? I can't believe that. I love these. Is that gonna be the poll quote on this article? It should be. Oh dear. You have.

But you have and you should. I only say that because I'm just relating to the chase of it. You're also talking to the kettle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's my question. Is it a person with physical attractiveness so that you then feel, for me, if a hot guy likes me,

then I feel hotter? I love an alpha. Alphas love alphas. I love it. You know, you're the one who introduced me to the alpha concept in 2006. You were early in on the alpha energy and you informed me about it.

And I have been around so many alpha males. I mean, it's been- Your whole life. I also love alpha women. I'm obsessed. Anyone that... You're just like, oh my God. So I think there's something about status, but there was a relaxed sense of self where

I could even fake it most of the time, but where I felt confident enough to go for it. And that's changed a little bit now, I have to say. It's not the same. That's why I'm relating to the job market is different. Things feel different now. Everyone's coming at each other like cats, not dogs. Everything is very sideways-y, it feels like. Does that make any sense?

Am I talking in a riddle? I don't know. So, what's my point? Oh God, I can't believe I said I pulled hot guys. Oh my God, Amy. And also, you know, oh God. Of course you pulled hot guys. I feel like.

Oh, here we go. I'm about to make the same oh God. I feel like. Of course you pulled the plug, baby. Oh, here we go. I'm about to make the same mistake twice. I know. Babers, you're a smoke show, and you're so confident. Babers, thank you for saying that. Yeah, you are. You're such a smoke show. Right back at you.

And what a fucking once in a lifetime personality. What a once in a lifetime performer. Any fucking dude is going to come out. See, look, you're doing it. He's doing it. He's doing it. He can't help himself. I love you, I love you. He's doing it. I love you, I love you. Is it true?

No, I love you, I love you. I'm not gonna say it's true. It is for me. I love you. I was like, who's this little unicorn bouncer? But she's got sparklers coming off her hooves. I love you. What's going on here?

Thank you and I agree. And I can't wait to find out who that person is. As we're now, we're not entering middle age. You and I inhabit middle age. Are you feeling? Is that weird? It is weird, but I think I'm starting to grasp the things you hear people talk about.

They enjoy it. 50s is some kind of like little honeymoon. Yeah, because you haven't hit 50 yet. But I'm months away. OK. I'm feeling a little bit of wisdom. And obviously, it's a trade. It's like the fight for the wisdom.

And I'm feeling the transition. And sometimes it's clunky, and sometimes I feel like an old person, and I feel a little more intolerant. But I do feel the transition happening. Do you feel it? Yes, big time. And that is the mentors that are my mentors

without knowing that I'm mentors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They are my mentors. That is what I learn a lot, is just the letting go of the smaller things. Letting go of the fight, letting go of the judgment or the resentment. That part feels really good. When I got on the other side, you just start looking at things

and you're like, it's not that important. That bothers me and yet it's okay. I've started to let go. And acceptance. Yes. What are you doing for your 50th? Are you having a party? Okay, so similar to that I don't ask anyone for advice. I also never invite people to a birthday party. Okay same and can I just say something? I don't like birthdays. I never celebrated them the idea of like surprise

Nightmare people toasting nightmare. Uh-huh. I had a dance party for my 50th Great idea highly recommend because you know know we both love to dance. You and I were born on the dance floor. We were born fucking born on the dance floor. But also I just love it for social anxiety. I don't really wanna chit chat, I just wanna kinda move around. And we know we're good, let's be honest.

We're fucking. Of course we're gonna be the best dancers, like we have to win the dance contest, but have a dance party for your 50th. It's funny you'd say that, so I don't ask for advice. I don't want anyone to come to my birthday party because I'm certain I'll have a bad time. So I'd rather just not deal with it.

And then also I don't ever ask for presents or things. So weirdly I've decided, so I was watching Instagram, I'm watching this guy cook a fucking tomahawk steak in the woods. Oh, I've seen that guy. And he's got a pot of butter over a fire and he's like stirring the butter with the tomahawk steak.

And I sent this video to Aaron Weekly and I said, I want you to make me this steak in the woods for my 50th birthday, will you? And he said, absolutely. And then I saw these crazy hard boiled egg hamburgers on another Instagram thing and I sent those to Charlie and I said, I want you to make these for me on my birthday in the woods.

And by the way, shocked, they can't wait to do that for me. Yeah, of course. They're blown away. They're like, oh my God, I can't wait. Yes, I'll do that. So currently there's gonna be some event in the woods where they're making all these meals, but we have a barn in Tennessee

and it's built for a dance party. Dude, if you have a dance party in Tennessee, I will go. All right, consider yourself invited. And I think you should have a dance party in Tennessee, I will go. All right, consider yourself invited. And I think you should have a dance party because my experience was same exact thing. I never wanted to celebrate my birthday. People were like, it's your birthday. And I was like, who celebrates?

I'm judgmental of people who make a big deal out of it. Me too, or make it their whole birthday day and their week and I'm like, it's the end of the day. We're still talking about your birthday. Yes. I'm like, okay. Even though I love to give them a present and I love to think about that, I'm just like, okay, it about your birthday. Yes! I'm like, okay. Even though I love to give them a present and I love to think about that,

I'm just like, okay, it's your birthday all day. Yep, all day, it's your birthday. And I have to say, have a dance party, have a silent disco. It helped me cross over to my 50s. What space were you in? I was in New York. My friend runs that show, Sleep No More,

that just closed. And it was at the McKittrick Hotel. Samantha Ronson was the DJ. Wow. Get a great DJ. Wow. Get a great DJ. I just said I want 80s and 90s hits. Five million bucket of MDMA at the door.

Exactly. My parents came, all my friends. We managed to kind of thread through COVID. We were in between bursts of strains. So everybody came. There was no toast, no chit chat, but it was important. You know what that solves to? The thing I hate about parties like that

is there's all these people I love, I would want to spend 30 minutes talking to each person, and then you end up having to say hi to all these people, and then I get self-conscious about that they felt shortchanged. But if the whole event's on the dance floor, like we'll all dance together. That's what I said, I said,

I'll be on the dance floor, come say hi. Right, genius. Because I didn't want to stand at the door. I didn't want to talk a lot. And also, I kind of wanted to just point at people on the dance floor and for them to be like, hi. And then they come back and leave. It felt like a good thing to do for myself. Also, and not to be cheesy, but it's nice when you're 50

to actually look around and say, wow, I have all these friends. I've built something. I have the Aaron Weeklies of the world. I have my new friends. The numbers game is kind of nice. You get to see it all. It forces you to recognize you really were here.

Yes. You really existed. As you get a little older, you want to remind yourself of the numbers. Does that make sense? Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so this was one of my other questions and it's on very similar topic to you

getting to see all your friends in one place and recognizing it. You've had a bunch of chapters. You have SNL, you have starring in movies, you have starring in TV, you have directing, you have writing a book, you have building UCB. And I'm curious on your deathbed, what's the one that you're like,

oh man, I'm proud of Amy for doing that? Ooh, wow. Because as I look at that list, I mean, I have guesses, but I feel like for you to drive down the street and drive by UCB. Oh man. Yeah, I was gonna say, do I have to pick one? Okay, this is gonna be kind of cheesy. I'm not trying to avoid the answer,

but it is the real answer. Because a couple things pop up under this heading, SNL and Parks and UCB and all this stuff. Directing, I wanna throw a directing in there. Yes, thank you. I feel proudest when I was actually present during it. So definitely there was so much improv, UCB early sketch stuff where I remember

because I was so present in it, I was actually there. I wasn't out of my body. Parks was another example where I had the wisdom, the age to know this is not coming around, this is it. This is the best, probably TV show I'll ever be on. We're getting to land the plane on our own. The people are incredible. This was a dream come true.

I'm gonna every day remember the dream come true. I was grateful in the moment. And in many ways, SNL too, little different because SNL was kind of like an emergency room. I felt crazy, like I was on drugs. Yeah, yeah, sometimes were. Sometimes were. So still I felt present.

I heard actually you and Maya talking and I brought it up to her. You guys are sitting there talking in some interview and you said there's a moment where you guys both realized, oh, we can have fun while we're out here. The sketch is almost secondary to, let's try to do this over and over again. Yes, that was a drug really.

But my go to bed happy thing is when I actually remember that in whatever I'm doing. The accomplishments feel like they're just stories that you can tell, but the feeling of I'm actually feeling it in real time, it's hard to get to. It feels like a timing thing and work on yourself. And you don't get nostalgic for the results,

you get nostalgic for the process. That's all I'm into now. I don't even care as much about the job, it's people and process. Who are we doing it with? Because the other stuff kind of falls away. You kind of forget it, but the people in the process is the thing that I care about.

Okay, so you and I are both, I don't know if you've proclaimed it like I have, and I'll regret having proclaimed it, but I haven't been on camera for a couple years and I don't want to be. I relate. You've been saying like I'm kind of retired and I've been feeling that too.

Yeah, and I'm curious what your motivations are. Parks ended and I was super burnt out in the best way, but directing and acting, I had two little kids during that show. I tell this story, which is all the guys that worked on Parks your motivations are. Parks ended and I was super burnt out in the best way, but directing and acting, I had two little kids during that show. Like I tell this story, which is all the guys that worked on Parks were all standing around and, you know,

we'd been together like seven, eight years. And everyone's like, wow, between all of us, we all had 10 kids. And I was like, no, I was the only one that had them, physically had them. You guys wore the same shirt on Thursday that you wore on Friday. And you were tired, but I physically grew them

and had them and came to work. You observed kids being born. I grew the child. Yeah, I grew them and my body completely changed and then it had to go back and then it changed again. So that part. And then I kind of got into the feeling of not having to be in front of the camera.

And I got way more interested in directing and writing and producing and stuff, even though I had been doing that before, but I got way more into it and the freedom of that. And I used to joke like just wearing your own clothes on set is a dream. And, you know, maybe you go into the hair and makeup trailer and you're like, can I get a little cream for my face? And you just go, how are you guys doing? And, you know, let me know when you're done. You just get out of the grind.

Also, directing is the ultimate control. The day's over when you say it is. Yeah, it's juicy. Best. But I'm getting a little itchy now in a good way. Well, I was wondering, do you get nostalgic? Because it's already happening to Kristen, which is she too had the Mike Scherer experience.

You're so lucky. So few of us get it. And I had it on Parenthood too where I was like, well, I know this is as good as it's ever going to get. And then I get nostalgic for that. And I miss being with those people. But then I go, am I going to try to recreate something? That's always a fool's errand.

I scratched a couple itches these past couple years. Tina and I went on tour. And that has been so fun. Being in front of an audience, getting actual laughs, working on material, writing jokes. The process. That process is so fun. And also, to be on tour with your friend of 30-plus years, you just want to go to Macy's during the day,

and have dinner. And we invite our friends up, like, Maya's come, and Fred, and Dratch, and we just go to a movie. It's just like a weekend away, but you're doing a job so you don't feel like you're taking a weekend away. You're just like, this is my job. Yeah, that's been really fun. But I'm thinking about it more

because I don't wanna lose the muscle of it. Are you worried about that? I think sometimes when you stay away from it, it just becomes too important and you overthink, like what should be the thing that I do? Something just happened and I don't know that the timing's gonna work out, but I got an email,

would I do one episode of Righteous Gemstones? And I was like, oh yeah, I'll do that. I've been watching that show. If I get to go play with Danny in a scene and experience the thing I've been watching and loving, yes, I don't think it's gonna lead to anything. My only objective will be to play with Walton Goggins in him.

You know what I'm sad to admit is that I gave up a few of those kind of fun opportunities for a while because I was literally struggling with getting old on camera. Yeah. It was such a bummer. That's one of the things I'm leaving behind. I want to do it but not see my face on camera.

I know. I don't want to see my face. That's why I love podcasts. It's so hard. Okay, Dax, and then I'm bringing it back to Monica. What feels terrible is when someone says, what are you talking about? You look great.

Well, this is why I differ from you two. I love that. I love you. I totally do. You do? Because I don't believe, I'm like, I know when I look good. Right.

I know good pictures of myself. This is not a flattering, and also I'm so fatigued by just even that thought. I had it in my twenties, I'm here in my fifties, I'm like, okay babe, well, when is it gonna stop? You just have to put an end to it. So I regret over the past couple years, I do think there were opportunities

when I could have done something for fun. It's a constant struggle. It doesn't end and you just have to decide to end it. Yes. I'm gonna feel this way regardless. Yes. We're gonna feel that way, but we're gonna do it anyways. Yeah, I know.

Because we're gonna love playing on that day. And we're gonna maybe just not watch it. That's why being on tour has been so fun. It's been on stage and you just don't have to watch it. I have this weird mirage too, where it's like, I can Svengala you. If I'm talking directly to a human, I can project to you an ape.

We are better in the room, babe. We are better in person. Yes, people tell me that in real life. Like, wow, you're more attractive in real life. 100%. It happened during, baby, talk about a nightmare. I was on a fucking award show presenting an award and the person presenting with me was a pop star

and she had never seen me in real life. And during us reading the things, she looked at me and goes, you're so much better looking in real life. Which most people would probably take as a compliment. I was like, oh my God, she's shook by the fact that I'm not hideous in real life. How about this, I'll feel confident and then I'll get texts once a week

from someone being like, you look like this person. You should play this person on SL. And when I tell you, I won't name names. I won't name names, but I bet you can guess some of the people. They're not people you wanna look like. And they're never the people you wanna look like. And it's like, I was just feeling pretty good. I'm going to text you next week that you should play Sweeney.

What's her name? Sydney Sweeney. And like the reverse of a biopic. You should play Future. Actually, that's never been done. That'd be great. Actually, that's a great idea. It is.

Oh my god, that's a great idea. Like, just very confidently playing. What's going to happen to them in 30 years? Oh my God, that's a great idea. Like just very confidently playing. What's gonna happen to them in 30 years. The funny thing is, is it's completely universal. Both people are offended. That's the hilarity of it. Is we all have low self-esteem

and yet we think we're better looking than the person we're compared to. It's a total paradox. That's so true. I'm too insecure to even ask. The people that are mixed up, I wouldn't even ask them. I've been offended. I know.

But that's a funny idea to be in the life story of someone who's like if I played the rise of a supermodel not jokingly just genuinely committed to how hard it was to be so objectified and tall yeah that would be so funny. That would be so funny. Okay it's time to talk about your projects. Okay, yes. Let's start with I'm embarrassed to say I didn't even know you were producing all these different podcasts, and each one of them sounds funnier than their last one.

Do you exercise and listen to them? Yeah, I listen to them when I clean my house, when I drive, when I travel. Yeah, I learned that you're listening to like a dozen of them. I love the genre and Ike. We had him on as a guest, and I went to his house the next day,

and I'm like, what show do you wanna do? I wanna do a show with you, you're incredible. I've only asked like three guests in the history of this. He's the best. What a champ. He's another big boy. Yeah. Yeah.

Very big boy. How great was his dad, the judge on that weird show? Oh my God. Oh God. I feel like Bill could have done that too. Bill Poehler, luckily he wouldn't mind me telling you my dad is dyslexic so he's a little more nervous. He's an extrovert for sure,

but he wouldn't be able to maybe nail the lines. The lines, yeah, yeah. And that's a safety valve to stop us from him probably becoming an actor. Like an enormous star. Because, yeah, yeah, my dad. But when I saw his dad, I was like, oh, for sure. Oh my god, yes. Of course Ike is Ike.

Yeah, so Paper Kite podcast, we're doing a work advice podcast with the ladies I work with at Paper Kite. It's called Million Dollar Advice. And then we do three, Dr. Sheila, we do the Chris Chapman show. Your Dr. Sheila. Yes, Ike is Chris Chapman.

Can I tell one, I didn't hear it, but I read about it and it reminded me of my very favorite sketch ever on Mr. Show. I don't know if you remember that sketch where Dave Cross is the host of a show and he starts by saying, and he's completely disheveled. He looks crazy, like they pulled him out of the river. He goes, welcome to the Such and So,

just to remind everyone, the callers we have that I'll be taking our calls from yesterday and I'll be answering those calls. And the topic is blank, so don't call about this because this is what happened yesterday. And then he slides a TV in front of it, and it's him doing the show from yesterday, also explaining the same premise,

and then taking calls with the wrong prompt, and then you find out they're only six days into this show, and he's like, the six TV is him going, welcome to the show, we're gonna try something completely different. So the fact that you had an episode where you got triggered by one of your patients. Yeah. And then you what?

Then I called my therapist, played by Rachel Dratch, who got triggered. In the session. In the session. And then she called her therapist, played by Tina. And this was just improvise. And this Dr. Sheila character's like a narcissistic boomer. She's really out of touch.

She loves men. Don't they all? I know. She's like a delight to play. She's the opposite of a lot of characters that I've played before. So they're just talking about a thing. They can't get to the bottom of it.

I get frustrated. I call my therapist, played by Dratch. I brag a little bit about my podcast. Dratch gets triggered. She calls Tina. Tina just made the choice to be in a Home Goods. And she was like, I've told you not to call me. I gave you my cell phone number as a courtesy, but I told you not to call me. I gave you my cell phone number as a courtesy,

but I asked you not to use it. And then Tina gets really upset. And then she calls her therapist and is Paula. She calls the client. Oh my God. It was so fun. That's incredible. It was so fun.

Did that happen organically or was that at least mapped out? No, Liz Kikowski, who's another improviser and sketch performer from Chicago. We work on it together and we mapped that part out. She mapped that part out. That's great. What a hysterical turn that ultimately the patient ends up getting called. Yes, it's so fun, but that's been a blast to do.

And it's scratched that itch a little bit. And then so now you have a new one, women talk about murder. Yes, that's Liz Kokowsky and Emily Spivey. You know Spivey? Who both wrote on SNL. I've met Spivey through you. And this isivey. You know Spivey? Who both wrote on SNL. I've met Spivey through you, and this is like a soulmate, right? Because she was a writer on SNL.

Spivey, yes, soulmate. Liz and Spivey and I were all at SNL at the same time. Emily and I started at the same time. Emily is like a North Carolina groundlings girl. Oh, interesting. Yeah, Liz and her play a duo who are going through the grisly details of true crime and one of them is super suspicious and scared of the world and the other one jogs at night.

It's like literally me and Liz. I think we've had a lot of conversations about this. Also, I really love good character names for whatever reason. Sometimes people nail, like Donna and Jo Beth. Jo Beth and Donna. Jo Beth is such a fucking. Jo Beth. Incredible, incredible name. Grand slam for a name for a host of this show.

And that one was super fun, because I love True Crime, I listen to a ton of podcasts. Everything is done with love, but there's a specific kind of thing that's happening now. Like a vibe that's now able to parody. It's like documentary now. There's a way now that people interact. The music they use, the way they talk.

Yeah, it's a whole genre. It's a genre, that people interact, the music they use, the way they talk. It's a whole genre. It's a genre, it's a vibe. So we had so much fun. So we would have people come on and improvise that, and it was mostly improvised. You said in an interview that you listen to a lot of them, but you think there's something really fascinating

about the fact that there's all these women listening at 8 a.m. to like a dismemberment story. The dark stuff in general, I wonder why. And I can listen to it or read it. I don't really wanna watch it. I can't take violent movies or violent shows. I'm like, mm-mm, it's too scary. But I just will listen to almost anything.

Why is that? I have a theory. And mostly I came up with it when I read your explanation why you wanna do it. Yeah, what do you think? So it definitely over indexes heavily women are into these shows. Yes.

It makes sense when I think about, we're all preoccupied with how we might die in a way that's like unforeseen. So to me, it makes total sense that women would be following all these murder podcasts. This is always men murdering women, which is the way that women have died historically. In fact, in our podcast, we joke they're waiting

for one woman. They've covered 3,000 stories. and it's all straight white men. So similarly, I think men love war movies. Every man's watching World War II in color. Because that, again, is historically the most likely way I'll die in a way that is completely unjust. True crime is our Roman Empire is what you're saying. I think it is. Acting out our fear.

Knowing what to look for so that you don't find yourself in that situation. I think it's more subconscious, like this is a tool now. I have found coming out in the past five years, we've been watching so much dark stuff, like comedy's getting really dark. Every comedy has to have assault in episode four, like it's intense.

And comedies are getting darker and darker and darker, which I get it, great TV. I'm watching the same stuff you guys are watching, I love it. But I'm getting a little overwhelmed. I want lightness to come back, because life is getting too intense. When we shut down, we all went in our beds and rewatched stuff that felt comfort.

And I wanted to try to figure out how to do it in the improvised podcast way. Have you been observing, this is neither here nor there, but have you been observing that comedy, specifically standup, is just this huge upswing? There's like many, many standups selling out arenas right now.

People are super hungry for live stuff and comedy. And I've watched now the past 15, almost 20 years, the shows that have come and gone and been nominated for comedies and won awards. Everything is getting more and more serious. The winners are having very intense episodes that they win for and their speeches are very intense. It's very important. Life is very intense. The world is very intense episodes that they win for and their speeches are very intense. It's very important.

Life is very intense. The world is very intense. And also, it's weird. It feels a little bit like you're painting with a color and like a dark color got in and now your colors are all a little muddy and it's just the new way to paint and it's complicated

because I think it's been really interesting and also I think something's been a little hijacked. Yeah, I think that's true. I just think things are pretty down regulated right now and I don't call myself a comedian. Like I'm always described as a comedian which is such a funny thing. I don't really see myself as that.

That feels like a stand-up comedian. I totally reject that but go ahead. Really? Yeah, in fact I hate when stand-ups act like they're only comedians. Okay, that's so interesting. I don't know. I totally reject that, but go ahead. Really? Yeah, in fact, I hate when stand-ups act like they're only comedians. Okay, that's so interesting. I don't claim comedian, not because I think I'm not.

I don't really love comedian. Feels a little limiting. Oh, okay. Feels a little yucksy yucker, but I don't know. I'll have to look at that. I mean, just the notion that Bill Murray's not a comedian seems insane to me, because he didn't do stand-up? Will Ferrell's not a comedian? That's kind of crazy. Then what the fuck is a comedian? I think if you've been on SNL, you're a comedian seems insane to me. Cause he didn't do standup? Will Ferrell's not a comedian?

That's kind of crazy. Then what the fuck is a comedian? Someone who makes millions of people laugh. Okay, okay. In your multi-hyphenate. I mean, I think maybe I worry that I'm not funny enough to be a comedian. The funniness part feels like it's a full-time job.

This is like when Bill Gates said he wanted to be smarter. Like I can't wrap my head around what you just said. We were at a live thing with him in India and someone from the audience asked if you had a superpower, what would it be? And he goes, what? I guess I'd like to be a little bit smarter. And Monica and I were like,

what a waste of a fucking superpower. What? But then you saying like, I'm not funny enough to be a comedian. Well then who is? What? Everyone else should give up then. But anyone who listened to this interview, this interview wasn't particularly funny. Well to be a comedian. It's like, fun? Who? What? Everyone else should give up then. But anyone who listened to this interview,

this interview wasn't particularly funny. Well, that was a choice. You could have come in here and let it fucking rip. Yeah, I think I decided on the way over here, I was like, just chill out. I'm so glad. Yeah, me too. Okay, we got the reality.

Me too. Okay, okay, sorry. I'm fishing for compliments here. We have just recently interviewed several stand-ups and they weren't funny, Darien. Yeah. I mean, occasionally maybe they were, but. We've already seen that.

I mean, I love it. To me, I see podcasts as the antidote to the late night talk show. I love late night talk shows, but the pressure to be brilliant for eight minutes straight versus like, oh, actually I'm worthy of existing without that, I loved it, it was fresh air. Yes, and listening to me say that I pulled hot guys

is different than watching me say I pulled hot guys. Okay, so Inside Out 2 is upon us. It's kind of what we've been talking about the whole time. It really is. I'm getting ready to go do like a big, I haven't done one of these in a long time, like Australia and UK and international press tour. It's why it's so nice to talk to you guys

because those things feel like they're their own. You just have to kind of blaze through and not screw up, be just interesting enough, but kind of boring. Yeah. Because you don't wanna step into something and give your thoughts on the royal family or whatever you're supposed to not say. There's always one entrapping question

within this stew of- I get it, but I'm getting ready to do that. I'm so excited because Inside Out is so easy to talk about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So good. It was so brilliant. It's Monica's favorite of those. I love it.

You're gonna love this second one. I cannot wait. Because you know what it's about. Tell us. Well, she goes from 12 to 13 basically, and she has to make these friend decisions, which are high stakes at that age and any age, but there's like some friend drama.

So she has like this change in school and all these new emotions show up. And they are confusing and nobody can understand them, especially my character, Joy, because Joy thinks these are going to be great. They're going to work with us. And they kind of jettison the old ones, like fear and disgust.

And these new ones show up anxiety, embarrassment, envy, ennvy, all these funny ones. So she's getting older. I love this. I know and I think the stuff about anxiety is so good because what I love that Pixar does so well is they do a ton of research and feeling happy about something and excited about something and anxious about something are the same physical feelings. And you have to kind of make a decision, if you can, to be excited.

And sometimes I'm like, oh, I'm not nervous. I'm excited. Yes. Or, oh, I'm not excited. I'm nervous. So they start to work together in the beginning and then things go awry. I think you're going to like it. I'm going to love it.

Who plays anxiety? Maya Hawk, Stranger Things. So talented, so funny, and Ayo Adebri is Envy. Embarrassment is Paul Walker-Hauser, the actor from Blackbird. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh-huh. But he says very little. Embarrassment doesn't really talk.

Because he's too embarrassed to talk. But he has this incredible hoodie that he always pulls. It's so, and he takes up a ton of space, and embarrassment is always getting in the way and bumping into things. It's so good! Oh my god. Yeah, because you want to be smaller when you're embarrassed.

You want to be invisible. Yes, embarrassment is the opposite of invisible, and embarrassment is always trying to hide, but just can't figure out where. Amy, do you like being embarrassed? Oh my god, that's such a good question. You've talked about that. I don't hate it.

Yeah. What? Hold it back. Hold it back. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I know, it's so specific. I've related a lot.

When you say, and then I did this and then I did this, I get like a good tingle. I do too. And when I'm embarrassed, I definitely don't hide. When I'm embarrassed, I'm like, oh, I kind of want everyone to know. It takes over for me. And not a bad way.

No, I just started laughing uncontrollably at myself and I really enjoy it. Unless I'm embarrassed that people think I've lost control of the situation, that kind of embarrassment is not fun. There's very specific types of embarrassment. I had it like one time on a set and I was guest directing and all of a sudden I just needed to tend

to figure something out and then all the people started coming to offer advice and I started getting like oh They think I and that embarrassment was not fun nightmare But eating shit Monica was with me and I threw a whole bucket of popcorn in the air and like a 30 ounce diet coke Everything went in the air. I was covered in everything and it was one of the biggest laughs I had of the year I've heard you guys talk about it a lot and I think I'm on Dax's side of embarrassment. I get a delight. I feel kind of alive. Yes, it's a surge.

It's a surge. And maybe you're right, it's the specific kind, the one I can be in control of. To me, it would be much more embarrassing to just be very vulnerable in real time, one-on-one. But yes, I love being embarrassed. And if I make a mistake, I love being like, I made the biggest mistake.

I can notice some people really relax and other people are like, please stop. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't ever say that again. I know. Orna might accuse us of like. What would she say? I can make the argument that it's my way

of regaining control of it, which is if I'm embarrassed and I'm sheepish, now you have something over me, but if I'm even laughing at myself harder than you are, that's all fine and good, and I think that's in the stew. But there's a genuine physiological experience I have that I love, aside from all that other maybe stuff. Me too, but let me ask you this, because I have to work

sometimes at staying in my physical body, I like to, boop. You also taught me live out loud. You've taught me a lot of things, Babers, and I've held on to them. Oh, Babers, and I've held onto them. I think when I get embarrassed, I do leave my body. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do leave my body, but I go like, whee! Like that.

Yeah, it's a roller coaster ride. So physiologically, I think I might go bye, but in a way that feels like I'm in control of it. Do you have intrusive thoughts? I'm working on that. I have intrusive thoughts. Am I teaching you this too? Well, I've heard it. I didn have intrusive thoughts? I'm working on that. I have a- Intrusive thoughts. Am I teaching you this too? Well, I've heard it.

I didn't realize for a long time I had them. I don't have ADHD, but I think they're in that family or OCD. I know what you're gonna say. You know, because I remember one time you were, many years ago in my apartment, and you were like, I can't handle it. My pictures were a little crooked, and you were like, we gotta fix these pictures, baby.

I gotta get going on these. And I realized, oh, this is real. Intrusive thought is, what if I... What's the worst thing I could do here? So I think when I get embarrassed, it's like an intrusive thought come to life and it's a relief because it happened. But I have intrusive thoughts a lot

and I didn't even know that people didn't have them. Oh, I didn't either. People don't even have an inner... That can't be. Monologue, dialogue. That can't be. Did you ask your friends? I was asking a group of women that I know

who doesn't have an inner thing, and a couple people said, what do you mean? And I was like, well, you know how you're just like, the minute you talk, you're thinking, and then the minute you leave, you're thinking, and then you're thinking about everything you just did and said and thinking about what you're gonna do. And some people don't have that.

Oh, wow. But intrusive thoughts. I used to have one when I would wait tables. I'd deliver the food and I'd be like, what if I smash the burger? I have that a lot. But there's different kinds. I have tons of them too, but they're like, what if someone chokes right now?

Mine are all very fear based. I have some fear based ones too. It's just like, what if someone hits us right now? A lot of driving ones. What if I say something right now that's really bad that you feel like you can't have control over? Well, when I'm watching people with Tourette's, I'm like, oh, 1000%, I know what's happening.

Really, the only difference between you and I is it comes out of your mouth. But when they say their thoughts, I'm like, yeah, those were mine too. You just vocalize them. Like they're around some, you know, I could give an example. I watched this documentary on it,

and so you step up to the counter and someone's wearing all pink, and then just all these words start coming? What you should never say in this moment. I find that just interesting talk about living out loud I mean you guys must have had a million examples of that in here where someone's not conscious about What's coming up for them and you're like, oh here comes and they're And they're off they They're saying it. It's exhilarating.

It is. Well, real time, anything is exhilarating. We're novelty monsters. We just crave... It's so true. Okay, so did you have a little bit of... Like Kristen has had this, right? It's like, Frozen 1 is an enormous hit.

You're like, guys, let's go. What are we doing? 100%. I was like, chop, chop. And then they do two, and it's like even bigger, and you're like, okay, guys, what are we doing? This movie was so huge and it was so good. 10 years, what are we doing?

I don't know. They want it to be too good. The great Pete Docter, who now runs Pixar, was the director and the first one. And then he went on to do Soul. And also Pixar had its own journey of changing and COVID. And so there was a lot. They would tell you they've been working nonstop.

But I'm so psyched they're doing another one. And I think they should keep doing them. Yes. Is she doing another Frozen? They announced that there'll be three and four. They did? Are you kidding me? Are you so psyched?

Well, is the greedy little pig with financial insecurity? I'm like, oh. Three and four, babe. Three and four. Babe, that's incredible. And by the way, I think it was like a real time announcement or she had heard they were gonna announce three and then real time it's like, we're gonna do three and four

and it's just like, oh my god. Oh, I'm projecting that she had that thrill and then that's a lot of work. She doesn't have that. You know of her many peculiarities. I did learn that about her and spending time with her that not to get into all that enneagram stuff. But did you ever figure out your number? You're a one, right? I need to do it. I did it once and I forgot. But okay, you say that I'm a one. Rob, can you hear my stomach growling? Okay. Sorry.

But anyway, I found that she's a two wing three. She's just like, I have to do a good job and I must be a helper along the way. So whatever you need boss. It's so fascinating to live with someone who by all accounts does the exact same thing. The outcome's the same in some ways. And the approach is entirely different,

driven by different fears. It's just opposite. Her fears are like, I'm a bad person or I did a bad job, and our fear is we'll be betrayed. That's our biggest fear, which is like, what a loser. Like, by who? Relax, like betrayed. Oh my God, so embarrassing.

Oh my God, I'm constantly like, who's coming for you? You're an adult. Once it's like, I didn't do it right, and I'm not a right person. Yeah, that's accurate. The number supposedly, if we're the same number, which I think we are, we're just like, don't screw, and it's like, oh my, it's embarrassing.

Oh, it is. My whole thing is embarrassing, but then the embarrassment kind of, I like it. Oh God. Yes, it comes to life. That's why we're embarrassing so we can get a charge. What? I do it more and more as I'm older too.

I'm like, I love me. As much as I'm working on myself, I'm older too. I'm like, I love me. As much as I'm working on myself, I'm the exact human I wanted to be. Okay, this is just my wish, but I know it's AA language, so tell me where I'm wrong. I want you to stop saying I'm a piece of shit. You say it a lot and I know what you're saying because. Do you?

Okay, tell me if I'm wrong. It's a humility. It's almost a brag. Okay. People don't like it, I know. You know, it's like if you treat yourself. Except for other pieces of shit like it. I know, but it is a little distancing.

It feels like an old story, honey. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I could sign on to that. You know why I like it? It's harsh. You would never call anyone else a piece of shit, not anyone else. No, some of my best friends in AA. You say they're pieces of shit?

Yeah, well, a word you might be less triggered by that we all say is scumbag. Yeah, I think I don't get it. But I hear what you're saying. My nature is a greedy scumbag, and I'm a bit of a piece of shit. And so when I acknowledge that, I'm also acknowledging how proud I am of myself,

that I don't operate out of that anymore. But that's the little ghoul that I am. I came out like, I deserve everything and I was given a bad hand and I'll take what I want. The cauldron produced that and yet now we're here doing other things and so I like that. Do you feel like it helps your sobriety by saying it? It just gives me pride.

It's a look how far I've come narrative. Yeah, so it's braggy probably, which is even grosser, more than it's self-flagellating The people I'm most attracted to are like fellow scumbags. I love the intent I actually relate to what you're saying which is I feel the most comfortable when I am around people like I love addicts because I love people in recovery because I love That they are doing some kind of work on themselves where they've realized They're just as full of shit as everybody else

and you can just kind of start there and I feel relaxed. I get relaxed around that. You feel less judged, I hope. A hundred percent. And I get to investigate that side of me. Not the addict side, but the, to your point, piece of shit side. But I'm just going to say the language is pretty harsh. It is. Here's the thing I know I can connect it to with you.

You must know the feeling of being lower class, knowing rich people are looking down on you, and you going, that's right, motherfucker, and I don't care, bitch, am I making you uncomfortable? Are we disgusting? It's the like, you can't shame me. It's like the fuck authority part. Yes, it's the, I'm not gonna let you judge me.

I'm not gonna let you think you're better than me because I'm a piece of shit. My hunch is you are too. If you can graft it onto the class warfare thing. I understand it. It doesn't like the wording. People say they don't like I say I'm white trash, but I think it's great.

That doesn't, it's something about piece of shit. I don't know. It's pretty harsh, you're right. It's pretty harsh. I'll it's great. That doesn't, it's something about piece of shit. I don't know. It's pretty harsh, you're right. It's pretty harsh. I'll agree with you. Scumbag is too, but I totally get the part of like, oh fuck you, yeah, oh my God. We're so gross over here and all.

Beyond, there's nothing I love more than when someone acts all snobby, bobby with me. I won't out you. I've collected the stories of times. I can't, I love it. That you've clapped back against rich people and I love them. You know what it is? It's just in general, I'm looking at when you turn 50,

you're looking at the stuff that's the go-to automatic ways that you talk about yourself or other people. It's interesting. I'm acknowledging there's a lot of validity in what you're saying. It's this idea of maybe just an update like your phone needs an update Yeah, I didn't even I'm still in like version one We've gone to 15 at least do upgrade 2 and 3 when we have your Tennessee dance party We should have a bowl that we can write in What the new term could be okay like updates one time I said in an interview with Kristen borderline piece of shit

And so someone made me a shirt that said borderline POS and I wear it all the time. I love it. That's progress Babies, I love you. This was so fun in the ad I'm fun you guys I get why people come in here and they get sucked into the vortex Or tag time moves weirdly. That's great. I love it. I think you said it, Monica. It's just like we're just hungry for live, real experience. Yeah. It's true. Connection.

Babers, babers, babers. So can we make a friend date? Like should we actually make a plan? I will say, I hope you're proud of me. I have reached out to you. You do. You're in New York. Are you going to be there at all this summer?

I know Monica loves New York. We're going to where your brother's home. You're going to Sweden? Yeah. We're going to Iceland, Finland, Sweden. Oh, I just went to Iceland. Sorry, I know we have to wrap up. No, no. Iceland was incredible.

It was. Oh my God. First of all, everybody looks like you. Oh, well. You're going to be like, here we are, because everyone's like six feet tall. We'll be the opposite of when we went to India. Translucent school. Yeah.

And the landscape, there was like active volcanoes the entire time that we were there. No one should be living there. Right, right, right. It's a dangerous place. It felt dangerous and intrepid and really old. And you'd be on guard, which feels good. Yes, but small and not fancy at all. And then you've been to Sweden. I've been to Sweden. Now there I walked around and I was like, I'm dead average. My brother lives in Sweden, has for over a decade.

And Sweden's funny, what I'm learning is the other countries that surround Sweden, they think Sweden thinks they're like all that. Hot chat, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like the jewel in Scandinavia. 100%. And they definitely give off that vibe. I love Swedes though.

They don't do small talk. They're like, as a country, we don't do small talk. And when I was growing up, the Brits and the Irish, like the poetry of being romantic and talking kind of a million words, but not really saying what you mean. Avoiding. And avoiding and being polite and you walk away

and you didn't get the job or whatever is the weird thing. I loved it. And now give me a blunt Portuguese person telling me I'm going the wrong way or a Swede that doesn't laugh at the joke or the New Yorker. We had a cultural experiment that said that they'll be in a meeting and a guy will say to another guy, I think you're overreacting

because you're going through a divorce. And the guy's fine with hearing that in front of everybody and then they just move on. 100%. At my brother's wedding, they have this job, you have to be the toast master, and he's just running the wedding. And his mother-in-law was like,

when we first met you, we did not like you. Oh, wonderful. I live for that. Me too, so great. And the American version would be the longest thing but our daughter was a blah blah blah blah blah blah. I know, I love it. Me too, real talk express.

Oh my God. Okay, so you're going to Sweden, you have to look at my brother, he's still there. I would love to, we're gonna be there for a few days. Oh fun, and Iceland too. And then, and things in Denmark. You guys travel a lot. We do. That's yeah, I would love to. We're gonna be there for a few days. Oh, fun, and Iceland too. And then, and things in Denmark. You guys travel a lot. We do.

That's good, I'm impressed. I've succumbed to the notion that possessions, they don't add anything, but the memories do. Yes, that's great. All right, I love you, Babers. This was so fun. Love you, Babers. It was so fun. Yes, it was so fun. Thank you guys so much for having me.

All right, everyone go see Inside Out 2, June 14th, and even more importantly, please check out Women Talking About Murder. Yes, we have a bunch on that chain. I think we're gonna play a clip in our fact check Oh you are? Yeah, yeah. I think we got clips. Oh my god that's fun! So we'll play a clip in the fact check. Thanks for that. And we'll chat about it. Yeah. Thank you guys. Alright, I love you. Love you. I sure hope there weren't any mistakes in that episode, but we'll find out when my mom, Mrs. Monica, comes in and tells us what was wrong. Sound like a baby when a baby's adjusting

and it's like. Well, it hurts, it hits at a very weird spot. What if you pulled it forward? I'd have to pull forward, but then it hurts my back. Okay, what if we used a bigger one? Two cushions? Well, just the big one instead of the backrest. That might help.

Yeah, I think that'll actually solve all problems. Why don't you go one, the bottom? Okay. No, this is what we're doing. We're getting the couch cushions restuffed after probably four years after it needed it. Yeah. I have been noticing a lot lately

that the guest is like Sinking into a taco. I see that I see the guests adjusting more than Previous years, but then you know it's like you win some you lose some you You sink, but you have everyone's but energy that's been there before you underneath you the power That's accumulating. Yeah. Are we keeping the old stuffing for? For fans.

Yeah. To raffle off. To raffle off on OnlyFans. $2,000 stuffing. Yeah, certainly some celebrity's buttocks has been on there. I'm sure like some Bradley Cooper fan would probably pay a good amount. He farted.

Well, we don't know. That's speculation. Allegedly. Yeah. I don't even know if it's been alleged, but. By me. By you now. Okay, you woke up late today. Yeah. You had a mix up.

My alarm didn't go off. Okay. This is like the dropdown down menu on Facebook. It's embarrassing. No, it's not. You don't think that it's possible? No, that you would set your alarm and it wouldn't go off? I don't think that's possible.

Okay, I do. You do? Yeah, I do. I don't know that it did in this case, but do I think it's possible? Yes. But what would happen that it would always go off when you set it?

It's a phone, weird things happen. It's a piece of technology. Like two days ago, it started over in the middle of the night to like do its computer. Update? Yeah, like things happen with a phone. Yeah, if it had an update and completely restarted itself, I could see where that would happen.

But that day, my alarm did go off. So then I don't even know if it can happen even with an update and completely restarted itself, I could see where that would happen. But that day my alarm did go off. So then I don't even know if it can happen even with an update. Well, you have, okay, I just, I feel that things in general have a capacity to fuck up. I mean, we just listened to an Armchair Anonymous story where like things happen all the time. Yeah, okay.

But maybe I forgot to set it. That's a very high likelihood. But I had it open and I had it to 830 because I was deciding whether to do eight or 830. It was a whole thing, but maybe I didn't actually click it over. Maybe you didn't decide. Maybe I didn't.

Maybe you got decision fatigue and you're like, I'm going to set it down and think about what I really want and then come back to it. Also, there was a period of time where this was happening and the sound was set to silent. Mm-hmm, yeah, that can happen. But I didn't set it to silent.

It just like, at some point. Well, what can happen, I have found, is when you create a new alarm, you have to go in and pick what all that's gonna do Yeah, so I've had that what more what's happened is I have a certain tone I like waking up to and then occasionally I'll set like a new alarm at a freaky time I'm gonna wake up. Yeah, and then a different alarm wakes me up and I hate it And I'm like damn it. I should've taken the time to make sure that it was the same jingle I like.

Yeah. Open up your alarm, your clock, and tell me how many alarms do you have? It would take me, honestly, it would take me the whole episode to count. I have so many. I have one for almost every time of the day, because I set alarms a lot. If I have a Zoom at 10.30, I have one for almost every time of the day. Because I set alarms a lot.

If I have a zoom at 10.30, I set one at 10.28. There's other days where I have a zoom at 10.30, I'm like, I only need a minute, I'll set it at 10.29. So virtually every time is in there. Mine goes 3.35, four, four, 35, five, 30, five, 45, six, six, 15, six, 26, 36, 46, 55, seven, seven, oh, five, seven, 14, seven, 25, seven, 30, seven, 35, seven, 55, seven, seven, oh, five, seven, 14, seven, 25, seven, 30, seven, 35, seven, 55.

Oh my God, okay, we get it. Yeah, we're not even too late here. Wow. How many do you have? What? I delete. So for a long time, I had a ton of them, and I would just keep adding every time.

And then I think somebody shamed me, and I was like, yeah, it's a good idea to delete. So now I have two, and I really like it. I like to, yeah, it's a good idea to delete. So now I have two and I really like it. I like to keep 11, 11. Right, of course. That's good luck for you. But I don't keep it on, I just like that showing. You see it.

See, I think there's no way it would take me more time to scroll through than it would to set a new alarm. So my lens is efficiency, so it would definitely take me longer to set a new alarm for 427 than it would for me to scroll to the existing alarm. Oh, interesting, I mean, hard to know. It's ugly and I get it, there's too many. Yeah, I don't like it, it's messy.

Messy head, messy bed. And I am almost grateful that the weather caps it. So you know you can set cities for the weather. And sometimes I find that frustrating, but then other times I'm glad that they limit it. How many of those do you have? Is yours full? Let's see, I have Los Angeles, I have Duluth, Georgia.

Great place. And I have New York City, and that is all I have Los Angeles. I have Duluth, Georgia. Great place. And I have New York City, and that is all I have. That's all you got. Yep, those are the only ones I care about. That makes sense, holy shit. Of course I always have Brawley, because that's where the sand dunes are. Guess what temp we have in Brawley today.

94. 107 currently, with a high of 110. Wow. Palm, wow. Palm Springs 105, I have Nashville, I have Palmdale, that's where I ride motorcycles, Nashville obviously. Santa Barbara I don't need, I don't know why I have that on there. Buttonwillow is another race track I go to,

it's 104 at Buttonwillow today. Austin, I'm there all the time. Portland, my family. Boston, oh Austin. Boston, Portland my family lives there, I wanna know what the weather's like, where my family's at. Why, no you don't. I wanna know what the weather's like, where my family's at. Why?

No, you don't. I do. You do? Yes. Do you just like, is it part of your day you look through the weather? No, not at all. Okay.

I think I wanted to know what the weather was like for them, so I added it. Yeah. And then we travel there once a year. Well, that's why I have Duluth. Like, I do need that for the travel. And then New York and Miami Beach. I gotta know what's happening in MIA.

Yeah, it doesn't really match up with your personality, I'll say. I just took like, Kasteiak off, because that's where I used to ride dirt bikes a lot, and I just took that off, because I haven't been riding dirt bikes there. It's 77 here. That's nice. Perfect.

Ideal. I'm going to go put shorts on after this. Oh wow. So you woke up late and you were rushed. Yeah, I woke up at 10 10. And I thought I heard, like I kinda thought I heard the vibration of my alarm, which is what woke me up.

But it wasn't, someone must have been calling me. Oh right. And so then I looked and it was 10 10, which was horrifying. I had a meeting at 9 30, I totally calling me. Oh, right. And so then I looked and it was 10 10, which was horrifying. I had a meeting at nine 30. It totally missed it. We were recording at 11. Right.

This is tight turnaround. I have a lot to do. What do you have to do? Okay, I have to make my evac. Pootie? Yes. I have to make my tea. Making tea is trickier than you'd think.

It happens in parts, okay? Because you have to get the water to a boil on your kettle. That happens pretty quick. And then you have to pour the water on the tea. Then it's the steeping period. How long does that last? Ideally for me, I like to steep between three and four minutes.

Sometimes five. But sometimes if I'm rushed, like today, what I do is I set the water and then I run around, get out some energy because of that, out of my fear. And then I shower. Oh, like you could have maybe. No, sorry, I'm messed up, that's not what I do. So then I run around and. You're scamper.

I have to go take my probiotic on an empty stomach, and then I go and I look, and if all's well, then I pour the water on the tea bag. Uh-huh. Then I shower. Oh, while it steeps good hack. Yeah, so you're not waiting. No time to wait.

I can't wash my hair on a day like that. So it's a quickie, it's a Pits, Tits, Slits and Dicks shower. Then I have all this skincare stuff I have to do. And then I take, well, no, okay. So then I get out, right? I get out, I dry off, I normally go and put my clothes on. Then I go and I take the tea bag out. Then I put the milk in, then I stir it.

Then I start my skincare routine. Then I- How long does that take? Depends on the day, takes a minute. Cause I, ideally you like let each serum sit for a second. Right, I use a serum and I have hacks for that. Okay, well let's get to yours in a minute. Yeah, I'm not trying to pirate your.

So anyway, that's really it. But the skincare thing and then I put on some makeup, then normally I have forgotten about the tea. I have forgot to drink any or do any of that, so then I have to pour it in a to-go. Oh, wow, okay. And I'm like. You're like impatient to get it,

but then you forget to drink it. Isn't that ironic? Yeah, because I have so much to do. Right, yeah. There's just too much to do. I mean, I could, and every now and then, if I'm really rushed, I won't shower. Yeah, of course.

That's first to go. I felt I needed it. Okay, you had slept for 14 hours, so you're probably sweaty. No, I don't. You go past eight, you wake up stinky, I think. No, I don't. You smell better.

I don't think I smell bad when I wake up. It's hard to know, because you're in it. But I can tell when I have a. It's hard to know, cause you're in it. You've been- But I can tell when I have a stink. You've been marinating. Wow. Okay, I'm gonna do an experiment next week, or maybe the week after,

and I'm gonna put papers out, okay, with the date. Okay. It's all anonymous for the two of you. Okay. And you're gonna write down if you think I didn't shower. Oh, interesting. I don't, well, this is. That morning.

Okay, I doubt that that's gonna work. Why? Because I've never really thought. Yeah, I've never smelled. Yeah, yeah, it's not like you smell. What I'm suggesting. I think that's just that I'm right. Well, what I'm suggesting is if a stranger walked

into your room after a 14 hour slumber, there would be a thick human smell in there versus a six hour slumber. I think what you more need is test strips that stay in your living room, and then you wake up and then you bring this test strip in there and it turns green if it smells like human odor. How about next week?

Yeah. Every day, you guys come over. And take a sniff. And smell your armpit. We wake you up. I'm gone, I'm gone. No, I'm gone. You come over at, come over at 10.30 a.m.

I will have left. But that's a lot of time for that room to clear out. Well, not if I woke up at 10.10. We need to walk in your room and shake you awake. And when we open the door, we'll be like, yeah, she's been asleep for a long time. We're gonna be your alarm clock for the next week. That's good.

And then you'll say, okay, I think it was a 10 hour sleep or a four hour. That's more of the double blind taste test we need. All right. And then I will be playing with the amount of sleep time I get. Which is gonna be tricky because presumably we'll have the same arrival time every day

or it would be known. Because if we're waking you up at 10, we already know. So you're gonna have to be on your end going to bed earlier. Or later. Which is hard, yes, right. Probably later. But waking up at 8.30 every day.

I prefer if you guys come over at 10. Okay, all right. Yeah, I'll be up for a while at that point. Well, yeah, because then I can go to bed at like 5 a.m. one day. Right, have your espresso martinis that night. that's doable. Well yeah, then I could go to bed at like 5 a.m. one day. Right, have your espresso martinis that night. Yeah, exactly. Because if you guys came over at 8 a.m.

and I went to bed at four, that's. It's gonna be pretty odor free in there, is my guess at that point. Well, this is what we'll find out. Can you guys agree to this? I'm basing this a lot on my mother who occasionally would sleep like, you know, she could do a 14, 16 hour.

I do think you are projecting your mom on me because you felt. Also just siblings, siblings. Like if one of the siblings did 12 hours and you walked into someone's room, it was like 11, and they weren't awake yet, that generally was a time where it stunk, right? Like did you ever walk into Neil's room and he had put back 14 hours?

I think that's a boy thing. I think it's a human thing. I know you want it to be a human thing, but I think it's a boy thing because I've gone into, when I used to babysit, I would go into your room to clean up and stuff. I guess it would have been at least an hour after you were awake though. But like.

It stunk? If you were alone, it stunk. I'm kidding. I'm like, you're full of shit. If Kristen's there, she absorbs the stink. If Kristen was there, it never stopped. It filters out my smell. I've never smelled her stink.

Like I have, we've stayed in hotels and stuff. Yeah, the problem again is you have to enter the thing blind. Yeah, I hear you about that. It's kind of like when I'm making spaghetti, I can't really smell that it's starting to smell a lot like spaghetti. And then I leave the house and go grab something. I come back in the house and I'm like, whoa.

I think mine smells like cookies. Cookie boys. There's a cookie boy who's been sleeping in here. I really would like to try this out. Okay. I just have to give you guys keys. We need keys, yeah. If you can't sleep with the door unlocked,

you would never fall asleep. No, never. But if you knocked really loud and I woke up and ran, no, that's bad. We have to break the seal to your bedroom. Yeah. Oh, but you know I sleep with the door open. You're gonna have to sleep with it closed.

That might be why I have no smell. Yeah, that's see that I'm doing the right thing. Yeah, I guess so. Wow. Then there's just a light smell throughout the entire apartment instead of a thick heavy smell in your bedroom. I don't have thick.

I smell good. Anywho. Some people are good, I do believe that. People have a wide range of how much they smell. I don't think it's just universal that everyone smells. Oh, I agree. I agree, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because one side of my family smelled differently

than the other side of my family. I'll leave it at that. I'll let them figure out who was who. Yeah, you know who has no smell? Who? My dad. Really? He has zero smell.

Wow, did he have his olfactory glands removed? Maybe during the sim, maybe when he got hooked up, they took out his smelliness. Yeah, my girlfriend's father had his armpit glands removed because he sweat through his business shirts too much. That was a thing they would do in the 80s. Yeah, they won't do that now. That's bad.

Well, and I bet it cut down on his body odor because that's where two of the four olfactory glands are located on a Caucasoid. I just don't think it's good to remove the ability to sweat. Yeah, I agree. It seems dangerous, especially if you move to a hot climate. Yeah. You're gonna need to cool down

or keep damp rags under your armpit. Oh. Also would work. Okay, now you tell me about your, what were you gonna tell me? Oh, your skincare. Oh, I was just gonna say I wash my face, I rinse my face with water, I dry it off, then I put the serum on, and then I brush my teeth

to give myself time for the serum to absorb. And then I'll do like my testosterone shot. I'll build in a few little errands, I'll pee, then I come back and put the moisturizer on. So I'm trying to build in a couple few minutes. To let it sink. To let it sink in. Okay, we, Easter Egg, have a...

Serum expert? No, we have a expert on who talks about rituals. It's a really interesting episode. Oh yeah, yeah. I really liked it. But in it, he does talk about our morning routines. And me and you were kinda like, eh, like we didn't have such strict, as far as.

Well, there was just a single question. Yeah. Because I know I have a. I don't wanna spoil it, but there was a single question, and it was basically about the order of a thing that everyone does. Yep, yeah. And me and you didn't feel that strongly about it,

whereas most people do. But that was like, that's one of the only things I didn't. I know my morning's super ritualized. Well, no, I know, but I'm saying what you just said about the serum and then the tea, I hate that you do that. Really? Yeah, I think that's gross.

Because why? Mainly because I think some of the toothpaste is gonna get into the serum. Like I want- That makes sense, that's a good fear. But I don't use this, I have a beard, you don't. So the serum's only under the eyes and on the forehead for me.

Oh, you aren't putting it- Yeah, I'm gonna have to rinse my mouth, but I won't rinse off any of the serum. Okay. Yeah, if you had a beard, it would be a different story. I just never wanna brush my teeth after I've washed my face. Sure, that's fine, I get that. Yeah.

But what I was gonna say is, I didn't voice any concern about this trying to be a good family member, but now in public I'm going to just tell you about the kind of hilarity. So Kristen went out of town this morning. And she's gone for a few days. And I think the first thing was like,

oh, don't forget you have to take them to Delta singing at six tomorrow night. And I'm like, okay, great, I'm just gonna have a thing at five and hopefully I'll be done in time. Okay, then it was, oh, and also remember, Lincoln's having her end of the year sleepover with six. Kids? Six kids.

At your house? At our house. So it's just me. Tonight? Friday night. Okay. So tonight is the singing thing. So then six person sleepover.

Also like, I'm like, how am I getting those kids from the school to the house? I don't own it eight passes. And then I was like, I do own it. I'm gonna have to get the road master out to transport all these kids. Why can't their parents drop them off? Well, I guess, well, that ended up being a solution.

I'm gonna ask one of the parents to take three kids and then I'll take three kids and my two kids. But anyways, monster sleepover solo. I was like, okay, so we got this singing thing. You feel stressed out? Well, I feel outmanned. Yeah, big time. And then Saturday, don't forget, end of your pool party.

Oh. At another friend's house. It just doesn't stop. I was like, man, you picked a great three days to get up. Good for her, I have to say. Truly good for her. And I didn't object to any of this, and I was like, great. Oh, oh, oh, and then don't forget,

Monday you volunteered for the field day. Have you done the sign up on the Parent Square app? And I'm like, I don't know how to operate Parent Square. Oh, is that why we're not doing a fact check on Monday? Yes, because I'm at the school all day long operating a bouncy house and then some other event. I just, all I'm saying is like, my next 96 hours

are gonna be fully in service at all times to children doing children thing. Now tell me the truth, because of that, are you like between 3 p.m. and 5 o'clock? Yeah. Are you like, how do I fucking celebrate? I earned like in and out, I earned cocaine. Are you gonna drink?

Please don't drink during three and five. I'm gonna drink between three and five and show up as a mess at my five o'clock thing. Are you doing that? Well, fuck, I gotta do something for myself. No, I will say this, and people probably won't like this, but this is a very common thing in my meetings,

is that when their wives leave, it's almost like some weird residual parents are gone. Yeah. It's no one's looking. And so there's this weird angst that's just very common with addicts when they know they're, in fact, one of the dudes in my meeting

had like 30 days and his wife was going to town for four or five days. And we were all like, okay dude, you need a full schedule. Like you're calling me at this time, you're calling, like we know that's a dicey situation. Same with going on vacations without your wife or family. Sure, sure. And I have that, to varying degrees,

where I'm like, oh yeah, no one's around. But the only nice thing about this whole schedule is like, I have none of that, because I'm not for one second, no one's looking. You have two hours, that's my whole point. Yeah, but I just, I don't have that sense of like, oh, the boss is away, I can do whatever I want. In fact, it's the boss is away

and I don't get to do one thing I want for the night, which is kind of nice. Yeah, that's good, good structure. It extinguishes that angst. Yeah, ooh, what are you gonna have for dinner for the sleepover? Really quick, just to put a fine point on it. I often have referenced it in the ads we read

for Brooklynin, so when you're a guy and you go out of town and you're by yourself and you get into your hotel room, you get bare naked and get on the bed. Some people, we're not gonna, you do. Yeah, I do and a lot of friends I have too. And it's time to masturbate. Oh my God.

Yeah, it's time to masturbate and it's time to go for it. Like use lotion, be bare naked, ride around on the sheets, like make a real, make love to yourself. Rob, can you relate to this at all? I don't take a lot of solo trips, so I'm not, not really. Thank you for being honest. I think he was dishonest just now, to be honest. I think he was honest, he likes to be like you,

masturbate all over the place. I can do that at home if I need to. Well that's kind of, I'm like, what? There are so many people in my house, like masturbating at home is never a relaxing endeavor. I just, I don't like hearing this only because I don't like thinking about other people in the hotel bed who were in the hotel bed before me.

Knowing I did that before. Like if guys are just constantly doing this. Well women are too. Yeah, I don't like that either, to think some woman was masturbating and her juices got places. Well, the sheets are new though. They don't always do a, I don't know.

Okay, but anyway, why would you bring that up? Because it was part of the no one's looking thing. It's like, because there's nothing really I can do. So the most indulgent thing I can do is like make love to myself. That's what I'm saying. That's really all I've got left. There's something kind of sad about that.

Yeah, sure. That's not true. Well, it's kind of true. Single people like probably look up an old flame in the city they're in and then they're like, oh, I'm gonna go get drinks. Why can't you just go to a nice restaurant or something? Because I can go out to eat at all times. So I gotta do something I can't normally do.

Look, it's not like Kristen would never shame me for masturbating, of course. But I also would never want her to walk in, I'm bare naked on the bed, like really going for it. With your lotion. Warm washcloth, I'm using lotion. Oh my god. Yeah, like really going for a warm washcloth, I'm using lotion. Oh my God! Yeah, like really pampering myself.

I would be really self-conscious if she walked in on that. So when I get to the hotel room, it's time to like really spoil myself. Yeah, like aren't you worried that the washcloth was like accidentally left from before? Someone did blow their nose, but they. I'm not a, I don't really have that germophobia. I don't think about much about that.

I more think about that if the carpet, if the hotel is carpeted. Well, you pray. No, if there's carpet on the floor, I do think, well, you can't change carpet when the guests leave. Yeah. And we've all seen those 2020 exposés where they take the black light in there

and there's all manner of fluid all over the place. If I wanna get kinky, I'll go off the bed and roll around on the floor. No, you don't. No, if I want a real dirty experience. Ew, you come back with an STD, try explaining that. I'll watch pornography, I don't normally do that. Try to eventize it.

Well, that's interesting because you say, you claim, that you just don't like pornography that much, but now it's kind of sounding like you like it, but you just don't have the opportunity. That's neither of those two options. I don't dislike it, I don't do it for whatever reason. I'm not a big pornography person. It's not really ever been my thing. But that's not to say I don't dislike it, I don't do it for whatever reason. I'm not a big pornography person. It's not really ever been my thing.

But that's not to say I don't like it. If I'm like, again, I'm this special moment with me and myself in a hotel room, I'm like, oh, here's another thing we don't do. We don't really watch pornography. Let's take some time. Again, if I have to masturbate in my real life, I'm just kinda getting it over with.

I'm in and out, right? I'm being efficient. But this is an event, and so we're gonna get the iPad out and do some surfing. Really eventize it. Private browser, I hope. You don't want the kids opening up that iPad. No, well they're not allowed on my iPad anyways.

I don't play that game. They don't know my code, no. well they're not allowed on my iPad anyways. I don't play that game. That's what you think. They don't know my code, no. See, you can't relate to any of this, because you. I can relate to half of it. I cannot relate to the porn piece. I don't get anything out of it, out of porn. Right.

I am more of a imagination girl. Sure. So. But I'm saying you can't relate to the no one's looking. I'm by myself. Yeah, that's my life. Exactly, that's why all this is very foreign to you, I'm sure.

It's not, I also get it. You're in a new environment. Would you ever feel kinky when your parents would leave for the full day and you were in your house all by yourself? Did you get any kinky feelings then? No. No. I didn't necessarily like the feeling of nobody there.

But I do understand you're in a new environment and that feels fun and novel. Yes, yes. So I mean, I, it's not that I don't, well, sorry, I just said it's gross to think about, but. But you're guilty of it. Yeah. Yeah. I'll bring, sure, sure, sure. I'll bring my boy with me on trips.

And it is fun in a new place. Yes, maybe there's a city view out the window. But you're right, it's a little different for me because I can just, whatever. Your house is also crawling with people. It's a disaster. Whether they're in the house or not, they're walking the perimeter,

they're going in and out of their cars. It's a CNBC house. Well, I have my family, then I have my sister who's in and out occasionally throughout the day. Then Ana's in and out throughout the day. The dog walker just comes in the house and gets the dogs. He just comes in. in the house and gets the dogs. He just comes in.

And yeah, I never ever fully think I'm gonna be alone, or I am alone or I'm going to remain alone for much time. Even this morning, so normally I drop the kids off at school. I come home, Kristen's at the table doing something. I was entering, she's there. And she's out of town. So I got back in the house this morning and I was like, she's there. Right. And she's out of town. Right. So I got back in the house this morning and I was like, I had that wave of like.

House to myself. Oh, I'm here by myself. And then my sister showed up 15 minutes later. Yeah. I mean, I love her. No, of course. So I'm always happy to see Carly. Of course.

But it only, I had 15 minutes where I was like, oh yeah, oh I love this place by myself. Yeah, you can't really behave in the same way. Even, let's even take it out of the gutter. Right, exactly. Even if I like, and if I, we've recorded back to back in a fact check. So we've been in the attic for six hours,

I've been talking, I haven't looked at any of my text messages or my emails. And I come in the house and I go lay in my bed just to look at my phone. Yeah. I can only get about four minutes of that, and I come in the house and I go lay in my bed just to look at my phone. I can only get about four minutes of that and one of the two kids will come in the room and of course they're gonna tell me about their day

and I'm gonna stop everything and I wanna be available for that. I'm grateful for it, but also even lay down and look at your phone for six minutes is really off the table. Yeah, that would drive me crazy too. I like knowing who's in my space, who's not in my space, if I can run to do my tea naked.

You can't really do that if you might have a person there. Yep. All that to say, totally worth the trade for me. Well, of course. You know, like when I went to Austin, I had a week all by myself to do whatever I wanted. After three days, I was like, I hate being alone. I wanna be with my family and I wanna be interrupted.

So it's really, you can't win. Yeah. That's life. Anyway. You know, people say that's one of the sayings is that's life in the big city. Do you know that saying? I've heard it. And we can actually say that all the time,

because we do, we live in a big city. Yeah, we do. In the biggest city do, we live in a big city. Yeah, we do. The biggest city. We live in a really big city. Yeah. Okay, so this is for Amy Poehler. What a dream, unbelievable. You know what I like about her too is she's,

I find myself baiting myself a bit for her. Like what do you mean? Yeah, what do I mean? I don't know, I just have this reverence for her. You have a respect for her. Like what do you mean? Yeah, what do I mean? I don't know, I just have this reverence for her. You have a respect for her. Deep. Yeah. Really a reverie.

And a rivalry. No, no rivalry whatsoever. I just, I feel like I'm very deferential to her. And she deserves it. I didn't get that, but I got that you respect her and you respect her opinion and like, she was calling you out on things. Right. And you were able to hear it, but I got that you respect her and you respect her opinion, and she was calling you out on things, and you were able to hear it, which I liked.

I accept her opinion pretty quickly. Yeah. Now, okay, in this episode, you say that for your birthday, you told Aaron you want him to make you that steak with butter in the woods. Yes. So I asked him to send me the video. Oh, you did?

Does he still have it? Yeah, he has it. I bet it took him an hour and a half to find it on it. Oh god. Yeah, I bet He said I know exactly what you're talking about. There was a lot of exchanges. Okay, great Right there right there's like the person's dropping ten sticks of butter into a big kettle Greg of rosemary. Putting a sprig of rosemary. Just topping onions. Do you think this triggers mesophonia?

Probably not, this is like ASMR. Oh, he's pulling out a tomahawk. A huge tomahawk steak. Can you believe this fucking meal? We can't even list the ingredients fast enough, but now there's a big bed of salt that he's putting in. Oh my god, and pepper. Oh, this tomahawk, he's grilling it.

What are you, slapping on a log, right? I can't see that. Oh, he's cutting it. Oh, he's putting a chimichurri sauce he made on it. Oh, fuck. He's outside in the woods with an open fire. This is okay. This is not gonna turn out as good.

No, I think Aaron's gonna do a great job. It's a tall order. But I think this might be one of those types of videos. So on Sync'd, Liz was telling us about this type of cooking video that's like sexual and like a little, well, it ranges, but one of them was absolutely disgusting. He like spits on it and it's horrible.

Oh, yeah, yeah. But this feels like a tame version of it, but also a little sexual. I think we could call it, instead of pornographic, we could call that softcore porn. So maybe you're more like softcore, you want some story and some flowers. And I like the sounds are pretty sexual,

but like it getting dipped in the butter and stuff. And the guy's all thrown away, he's not mugging. He's not. Right, the other guy, I saw the clip you guys posted, there was like a guy. Yeah, it was too much. Yeah, it was a lot, yeah. And I hope Aaron makes it for you.

Me too. And it'll be delicious. And did I mention then, I also gave Charlie a recipe he has to make for me. Yeah, I didn't ask him. And that has to happen in the woods as well. Did you say that was like eggs or something? Yeah, it was like hamburger made on eggs.

Like the bun is eggs. Wow. Yeah. Is that just gonna be like a boys party? I don't really know. I've only gotten as far as like asking them to make me those meals. You have six months.

I need you to start. Thinking this through. Yeah. Okay. And I'd like to be asked to do something. Okay. Cook something or I won't sing. Chop wood for the fires they need.

I could try. You need to tell me now so I can practice. Listen, if you're afraid of swimming, you need to be way more afraid of swinging an ax. Hmm, that's interesting. Weirdly, I'm not. You should be though, I'm just saying you look at the incident rate.

No, but listen, I. You think you're good with an ax? Yeah. Okay. And I'm not, I know my limits in water. Well. Oh my God, you're here to take me down a peg. You don't know your limits, you've only swam, but you have considered that somehow you lost that ability.

Just reiterating what you have said yourself. Well, I know, here's what I do know. I'm definitely not a strong swimmer. Even if I can swim, I haven't done it in like 20 years, so most likely is I'm not good at it. But you have no proof of that. You just have a feeling. You think I'm gonna just like boop

and then just like swim like a little fish. I do, I think it's very similar to the bike analogy. The breaststroke. If you can ride a bike, you can ride a bike. Do you remember what happened when I rode the bike? You mostly rode the bike. Mostly, but I had a big incident. You did, yeah.

But you, it was extreme. You decided to take a bike out into the real world and curbs and sidewalks and streets. I didn't decide. Right, yeah. Again, you're probably not gonna have to, you were forced to ride with folks that were more competent at a level that maybe turned out to be a little too high

for you at one time, but you're not gonna be asked to swim with other people at their pace for two miles in the ocean. This is just, can you get in the pool and not drown? And I really feel confident you can do that. Yeah, I think that's probably true, but I think I'm way better at axe throwing than... Okay, axe throwing is safer than chopping wood. Oh, I meant chopping.

Or is it because you cut your leg open and stuff? You're going from behind your head, you're swinging over your head down at this log. I agree, I can't do that. Yeah, I just think of all the things you're afraid to do, this should be higher on your list. Well, that's interesting because you don't like that I'm scared of things,

but then you just added something to the list. There's so many ways to think about all this. I think I've just demonstrated that I actually do have your best interests in mind and I do see threats for you. So I'm not just willy-nilly. to think about all this, I think I've just demonstrated that I actually do have your best interests in mind and I do see threats for you. So I'm not just willy-nilly. I think, if anything, I think I should've

bought myself credibility just now by saying you probably shouldn't try to cut wood unsupervised or without a lesson. Okay. Well, if you tell me now that that's your birthday wish, or it seems like maybe it's more Rob's birthday wish that I do this. Yeah, I feel like his is more kinky.

Wants to see you cut wood. But then I will take a lesson. What does she have to wear while she cuts wood Rob? Should I get a peel for it? I will take a lesson first. And then I'll practice. Okay. Aaron could give you a lesson.

He's chopped a lot of wood in his life. Or you could just build a fire. That's also seems dangerous. I'm just gonna find manly things that are gonna be part of this. Why does it have to be manly? He's chopped a lot of wood in his life. You could just build a fire. That's also seems dangerous. I'm just gonna find manly things that are gonna be part of this. Why does it have to be manly? Because the whole event is manly.

Yes, cooking Tomahawk steaks in the woods, he has got a point. Ironic, I mean look, that's so not true. Cooking, generally speaking, is generally a female activity. And the women give the barbecuing to the men because the men want something to do with cooking and meat. But women know how to do it. Women can do anything.

Except chop roast. Men do, conventionally do the barbecuing. We would agree on that. I mean, when I lived in... I don't have a single image in my mind right now of a woman working the grill. And I've been to a million barbecues. Well, literally I worked the grill

at Julia's birthday two years ago. Was it all women? No, there were men there. What men? What kind of men? It was Julia's friends. What kind of men were there? There was a lot of people there and I did that.

And then also, in college we had a grill. Three girls had a grill and we grilled all the time. If it's all girls, sure. But look, we've been on 100 pod vacations, and who grills? Well again, because you guys want to. It gives you guys self esteem. Great, want to or whatever, it's just the fact. I'm just pointing out the facts.

That is the facts, but I think the other piece of it is that if we wanted grilled food and no man wanted to do it, it'd be like, yeah, of course we'll do it. But to be very clear, I never said women can't grill. I said in general, men do the grilling. Not that women can't do, can't grill. Of course they can. They can do anything.

It's more like get out of the kitchen, leave me alone, go cook this meat. Yeah, watch a barbecue commercial. I mean, they know who they're selling briquettes, charcoal briquettes to. We agree that it societally has become a thing. Yeah, that's all I'm saying. But I think that's more of,

we've decided that's a manly thing, so then men take on that task. And it's a 100,000 year old story. It's not brand new. Women gathered and men hunted meat. So men have been in charge of the meat from the jump. Yes, but when you cook meat for any other occasion that's not grilled, women are doing it.

I agree. So it's like. It's in the kitchen somehow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, I agree. Okay. Dance floor songs. Dance floor songs? 100 best party songs of all time.

Oh, okay. Cause you might have a dance party. She had a dance party. Is Celebration number one? No, but keep guessing. No, there's too many songs in the universe. I won't get it. Wow.

If it's not Celebration. It is a woman. Diana Ross. Yes. Yeah, what's the song? I know the song. Wow. I know it's Diana Ross. I'm surprised that's good.

What's the name of the song? I'm Coming Out. Yeah. I'm coming out. Yeah. Whoa. I'm coming out. Number two.

Village People? No. I'm nervous this isn't a good list. Uh oh, what's number two? Number two is, I love this song. It's 212 by Azalea Banks, featuring Lazy J. Azalea Banks is the one who said I was better looking in real life on live television.

Really? Yes, I'm always trying to remember the name. Wow, that comes up in this episode too. Oh my God. That's weird. Fucking major ding ding ding. Yeah, that's a big dingy. Whoa.

But I'm shocked to see it at number two here. All time. Love at First Sight by Kylie Minogue, In the Club. This is a very modern list. Well, except Diana Ross. Right, but Michael Jackson should be definitely above all these things. Well, 1999 by Prince is on here.

That's great, was that eight? That's five. Okay. Celebration by Cool and the Gang. Yeah, that's a good one. Push It, Push It's great. Yeah, it's not just new. Rock with These 13.

That's way too far down the list. I don't have time to keep going. But there's, Davey Got Backs on here, Groove Is in the Heart. Grooves in the Heart. The good one. Wake Me Up Before You Go Go. Wake me up before you go go.

Keep going. Okay, Don't Start Now by Dua Lipa. Yeah, I knew I'd get you on that one. Yeah, good job. All That She Wants by Ace of Base. You know Ace of Base was my first cassette tape. Really?

Mm-hmm. Was it Full House? I saw the sign. Yeah. Honestly, yes, that is why. You have said in the past that all of your favorite music you... From TV. From TV, yeah. I just found a new song that I love from favorite music you- From TV. From TV, yeah.

I just found a new song that I love from a TV show. From TV, oh what? During the Flightless Bird where we do the top TV episodes, one of David's favorite was an episode of Dave. And he played a clip and the beginning has a song, and I really liked it. It's not Dave's song. I'm gonna play it. Okay and I really liked it. It's not Dave's song. I'm gonna play it.

I really like it. I think it might be popular but. Popular. That's from Wicked. Good job. Is that on the list? Do you know this? Yeah.

Dee da dee dee. Dee da dee doo. Do you know this? Sugar Man It's by Durando by Dorondo. Yeah. Ooh. Didn't I give you everything? Didn't I preach it right, girl. I'm done with that. That's been on my songs for three years. Three years? Yeah, you've heard that in the car with me, for sure.

I've never heard it. Anyway, yeah, I really like that song. And that's the new song I'm listening to currently on repeat and that is from TV. So that is where I find most of my songs. Yeah, that's where you go to discover. Yeah, because the emotion is already tied to it. Yeah.

Shortcut, easy. Oh, I want to dance with somebody. Huge. Huge. Ding ding ding, Kevin Costner. Have you ever been in this position where you've been in the car with people? Okay, this used to be a thing.

When I had a group of friends and when we would do do road trips or whatever, we were in the car, one of the friends loves to sing and would sing loudly to the song, and it drove everyone nuts. Yeah, you thought of this because I just sang along to that song. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it reminded me of like,

oh yeah, when people sing along. It ruins the song. Well, look, me of like, oh yeah, when people sing along. It ruins the song. Well, look, I think people feel differently about this. I mean, sometimes it doesn't, and if everyone's singing, no one thinks about it. But sometimes you're, not in this case, but sometimes you're trying to listen to the song, to listen to the song,

and then if somebody's singing it, it does ruin it. It happens every single morning on the way to school, which is one of the two girls wants to sing the song and the other one tells them not to. And then they try to take turns singing the songs and it's a big thing. See, so this is common. But I have a wonderful association with it

because Erin and I knew the words to all the songs. We had all the same favorite songs. We were like 50 favorite songs and everywhere we drove, we sang out loud to the songs. It was more important to us to sing together than it was to hear the real song. Well, that's a different, if you wanna hear a song for the first time.

Yeah, and someone's singing. Singing it, that can be hard, but like, yeah, if you're on, like Jess and I listen to music as we talked about when we went to Carlsbad. His airport. And we come back from the airport airport and we'll sing or mouth, but that's what we're doing. So it's fun, like you and Aaron.

But sometimes if you're just trying to hear a song and people sing it, it can really make people wanna pull their hair out. I'm sure people probably listening were like, let me just hear the song that Monica likes, that's fair. It probably just says how tolerant each individual is. Well, I guess there's a lot of different, I think it needs more follow-up information.

Is the person singing out loud to impress you that they know the words of the song? That's distasteful. Are you singing because it gives you great joy to sing along to this song, and it's internal and not performative, then I have a different opinion of it. Yeah, I get that.

Like I'm not at any point, do I think I have a good voice or someone's gonna be impressed with how I sing this song. It doesn't come across like that. I bet it does sometimes. I catch myself sometimes going, shut up, you're ruining a song.

Because my impulse, I'm like Lincoln. In fact, living now with my doppelganger is so illuminating because she has to sing. She sings like I do where she gets a song in her head and she can't stop, like it's a fucking tick. And so being on the business end of it has been illuminating. You know, when we were in Lisbon, a couple times I had to say like,

okay maybe three more times with that song. Like don't stop now, but I don't think I can go a 50th time on the song. So like give you, really enjoy the next three, but I'm gonna need a break from this song. And I don't think you have to tell most people that, but you do need to tell me that and you need to tell her that. For the record, I don't think my wife is fine with my singing all the time. I'm sure it drives her crazy. I have to police myself.

We can't speak for her. This is all alleged. Okay, we were talking about stand-up and comedy. Stand Standup has tripled in size over the last decade. Ah, so I'm not imagining it. Yeah, you're not imagining it. Ticket sales for live comedy have exploded over the last decade. In 2012, gross sales were 371.4 million. In 2023, 909.6 million.

A billion dollars. That's so awesome. Yeah. I love the notion of million. A billion dollars. Mm-hmm. Fuck, that's so awesome. Yeah. I love the notion of comedy generating a billion dollars. Me too. Isn't that crazy though, to put it in perspective, all of comedy equals Taylor Swift's, like however many comedians selling out

however many arenas all over the place. I know. She's a beast. She's a beast. Ow. All right, that was fun. You're fun beast. She's a beast. Ow. All right, that was fun. You're fun. You're fun.

Yeah. I'm borderline annoying and I know. You're not. I am, I am. I have to police myself. If I let myself go, I know I would be very annoying. Because, you know. Annoying is subjective.

Exactly. I don't think Aaron's ever been annoyed by me, but I have certainly annoyed a lot of people. I'm certain objective. Exactly. I don't think Aaron's ever been annoyed by me, but I have certainly annoyed a lot of people, I'm certain of it. While I'm around people like me where I don't feel the way I feel about Aaron, then I'll go like, give us a break. Yeah.

Give us a break, okay? Everyone needs a break. Everyone needs a little break right now. And I think that could be said about me sometimes. Wow. And I think that could be said about me sometimes. Wow. Who are you gonna be now? You mean the potatoes, you got the big ones?

That's Slingblade. Oh, I thought it was the oatmeal guy. That sounds very similar, but he's got more of a molasses-y tone. Oh, I see. You eat your Quaker oats, they're good, and they're awesome, and they're goddamn American. Hit your knees and do a good round of prayer.

Should be on there for four to five hours. Go and have a snack, get some physical exercise, get back on your knees, and connect with the big guy upstairs. Okay. and connect with the big guy upstairs. Okay? Come in the house, do some work, do some yard work.

Then hit your knees for some pre-supper prayers. Then have dinner with all the Tremons. Well, that was nice. Don't forget to get your blood sugar checked regularly. Diabetes is a silent killer and it'll sneak up on you. Hit your knees and ask the big man upstairs to liberate you from that high glycemic condition. So a little different from, and all the big ones.

It's a little different. Real similar. I know, it'll be hard to know which one I'm doing. But also because one was 14 minutes and one was one second. I can only remember, be hard to know which one I'm doing. But also because one was 14 minutes and one was one second. I can only remember, I used to know more lines from the movie but this. I've never seen it.

Oh, I know. It's one of the greatest. Yeah, there's a lot I haven't seen. Two or Divorce. Okay, so as promised before we go, we're gonna leave you with some really fantastic clips from Women Talking About Murder. We hope you enjoy it.

We know you're gonna enjoy it. We hope to be on it. So you're welcome. All right, enjoy. Bye. Women Talking About Murder is about two women helping women not to get murdered. This is Jo Beth. I like to stay close to home due to the fact, you know, I've been stalked. I've almost been

murdered many, many times. This is Donna. I love it all. I'm a yes person. I love a road trip and I love a city at night. So I just walk around and, you know, say hi to whoever I pass. I'll go to a temple. I'll go to a church, I'll go to a seance, I'll go to someone's basement when he says come on over. I'm worried sick about Donna but you know that that's what makes it work between us. I am sort of her protector. I like to feel that I am a mama bear to all women who are about to be murdered. Her body was found at the bottom of the Red Rocks on day three of a women's yoga retreat. If I could have only one bumper sticker,

that bumper sticker would say, it's always the husband. So Jo Beth, today's murder happened on a cruise ship? Of course it did. I love cruises. Of course you do. His body was found in Doug's basement, bludgeoned to death by a pet rock.

Oh, do we know the pet rock's name? Cause that might be a clue. Should we do my wrap up? Yes. This has been JoBeth. And Donna. And as always, don't go in basements. Don't cross state lines alone.

Don't ever load something into the backseat of your car unless you're facing outward. Don't let the gas guy in your house ever. Don't go jogging. Don't go walking. Don't have affairs. Don't go on a cruise. Don't do sports. And finally, do not have fun. Love you all.

Stay indoors, my babies.