Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Armchair Anonymous: Arrested

Episode Date: September 19, 2025

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about a time they got arrested.Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepherd. I'm joined by Monica Padman. Hi. Hi.

Today's prompt was tell us about a time you got arrested. Tell us, tell us, tell us everything. He's grown in intensity. The last one's absolutely. one of the craziest stories I've ever heard. Oh, wow. Yeah. Wow. We heard a crazy, there's a crazy one on you.

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I had a more I've never one thing You gotta know I'm gonna keep on shining Hi How are you? I'm great Okay so what name do we want to go with?

Okay I have one locked and loaded I think we're going to go with Jackie The reason is Jackie was the name On my first fake ID that I had And although this story doesn't involve my fake idea, it does involve underage drinking. Where are you, Jackie? Jackie is just outside of Toronto, Canada. Do you go up to Muscoq in the summer ever?

Dax, I really hoped you would ask me about this, because I always hear you talking about Muscoca. I'm here to tell you there's a better, more well-kept secret cottage country in Ontario. It is the coerthas. It is cooler. It is more down to earth. It is less bougie. And that's where you go.

and that's where I'm going this weekend. Oh, wonderful. And is it a shorter distance from Toronto? Because it's a good hike to Muscoa, yeah? Not necessarily. I might be biased, but I think it's better. Yeah, yeah. I feel you.

We'd trust you. We're not on a bushy lake. I like a non-busy lake. Okay, so you were arrested, presumably. I was arrested, yes. So let's get into it. The year was 2008, and it was fall of my grade 12 year of high school. I actually have a very late birthday, so I was actually 16, about to turn 17 at this point.

The other two people featured in this story were 17 at the time. So we go to your typical high school house party. This house party was interesting, actually, because at a girl from our high school class, her mom had just bought this really big house but hadn't moved into it yet. So it was a bunch of teenagers partying in an empty house. I'm so scared. And someone's new house. Yeah.

Someone's new house. Yeah. Party goes on. Drink, drink, drink, fun, fun, fun, party party. Night ends. And myself, my high school. school boyfriend and his friend, we decide we're going to take a cab home from this party to my boyfriend's house. I looked it up for this. It was like a three-kilometer cab ride probably

would have taken 30, 35 minutes to walk. This is well past midnight. It's fall. It's cold. I'm already proud of you guys. You didn't choose to drive. Also, that's 1.8 miles for non-kilometer people. I remember it was a minivan cab. So I get in. I'm sitting behind the cab driver. My boyfriend is sitting in the back seat next to me, and then his friend is sitting in the front seat next to him. The cab pulls out of the driveway, and the door's lock, and the cab driver goes, you need to pay me $200 cash right now, or I'm driving you to the police station and turning you in for underage drinking. Blackmail right out of the gates? That feels illegal. The house is in sight. I'm like, look, we've got whatever amount of cash. It was probably like $40 between us.

I'm like, we'll give you this. Please, just let us off. We'll find another way home. The whole ride probably would have been max of $15 cab fare. He child locks the doors and starts driving away. No. Oh, my goodness. This is kidnapping.

In this country, he's committed two felonies, which is blackmail and now abduction. I realized that the friend sitting in the front seat, his door couldn't have been child locked, but it's a moving vehicle. And we pull out of this suburban street onto a really main road, where on this road, you can be going like 70, 80 kilometers an hour. And I'm pulling on the door. My boyfriend is pulling on the door on that side. And we're like, let us out. It's escalating into panic. So we get to a red light at a main intersection between two very big roads. Still, it's just escalating. I feel like now is a good time to pause and say, logically, I have very chill parents, great relationship with them.

I think the other two did as well. What probably would have been the right move was to say, drive us to the police station. Our parents will come pick us up. Of course. And also, he's not going to do that. You still could have gotten arrested, though, or an MIP. They probably would have just called our parents. And the old prefrontal cortex is not fully there yet. So instead, we choose to panic. So we're out of red light. I'm pulling on the van door. And suddenly I hear my boyfriend and his friend say one, two, three. And I look, and they start beating up the cab driver. Sure, sure, sure. This is a decision I probably would have made. I keep pulling on the door. I'm freaking out. Eventually the door unlocks.

So we scatter. I run across the four lanes of this big road. It's late at night. There's no cars there. And I kind of run into like a park ravine type area where there's a path that leads up to my neighborhood. So I call my older brother. I give him the shortest version of what just happened. I say, you have to come pick me up. And he's like, walk calmly. Don't draw attention to yourself. Just walk home. I'll meet you. So I'm walking around the corner, walking down this street next to ours, and my brother

pulls up. I'm about to get in his car and a cop car pulls up behind us. The one detail I really don't remember is what initially they said to me if they said, were you at a party? Were you in a cab? But next thing I know, I am up against my brother's car and they're saying, you're under arrest. Hands in cuffs.

He just says, okay, I'm going to go home. I'm going to wake up mom and dad. Just be calm. Immediately, I'm in the back of the cop car. It's two male cops. And I remember they just started asking me questions. And it never occurred to me for even a second that I didn't have to say anything. I know. I would not think that in the moment either. It's like you're in handcuffs. So you feel like you have to answer them. They've got questions. I've got answers. And it's just like, who were you with? What's your name? What's his name? What's his middle name? What's his birthday? What was the address? everything, and I'm just word vomit.

You rolled over on everyone. I did. I was a snitch, and I was hysterically crying. And so they drive me to the police station, very close car ride from my parents' house. This police station was across the street from our high school, by the way. So they put us in an underground parking garage, and the two cops get out. And I'm sitting there in the backseat in handcuffs. And I managed somehow to shimmy my little pink motorola.

razor flip phone out of my pocket. And I just text my friend, we'll call her Allison, and I just say, I'm arrested. I don't know what I was trying to do with that. I'm assuming Allison wasn't a lawyer. No, Allison was 17. They put us in a questioning room and my parents are there and they're just asking me questions and getting me to run through the story. I can't stress to you enough how much I am hysterically crying. And I remember I kept retelling the story and I would say like, and then the cops and one or both of my parents would just jump in and be like, police officers, they were so intent on making sure that I came across respectfully. And this goes on for hours. So I guess what had ended up happening was the cab driver told the police that teenagers had gotten in his

car and he was going to drive them home and then they threatened him that they were going to take all the cash that he had. Of course, the guy's already a fucking scumbag. And that the teenagers had beat him up and he had $1,000 in his front pocket and that they had stolen the $1,000 from his front pocket. This is pre-ride share. So this was the only cab company around. And they had a reputation for not being the greatest. Eventually, they pull my parents to another room and they're like, look, this could have ended really differently. Thank goodness everyone's under 18. Your daughter was in the wrong place at the wrong time. We're going to let her go without any charges. But, like, you got to button this down. And they've taken a written statement. We go home and I remember just being

like so thirsty. And my mom was like, you've just been bawling your eyes out for six hours straight. Yeah. What ended up happening. I was fine. No charges against me. The other two, probably thanks to me and my word vomit in part, ended up going to court where in court they read the written statement that they had taken at the police station. And there literally was like, and then we were in the cab, sobbing, And then we were pulling on the door, sobbing break. They ended up getting, I believe, a year probation community service and court-imposed curfew. As for my parents, they were just like, maybe we just do like an 11 p.m. curfew and cool it on this boyfriend.

Wow. Wow. In the cab driver, everything's groovy with him. He doesn't have to deal with anything. I honestly don't know if he ever got charged with anything. I know that very quickly they were like, buddy, nothing got stolen from you. No one makes $1,000 in this town. I mean, isn't that illegal too to like lie?

False statement. Yeah, this guy's got like three felonies. What's interesting is my husband, there's a few people in his family that are police officers. And I've since recounted this story to them. And they're like, there are so many parts of that story that is just like not how that should have gone down at all. But that's how it was. Oh, man.

Scary. Now, am I right in that Canada is definitely. looser about younger people drinking? I mean, the drinking age, at least when I was growing up, was 19. Is it still 19? Yeah, so it's 19 in Ontario. So we were just shy of that. I've never in my life known anyone who got any sort of charge for being caught drinking underage. It's really just at worst, maybe the drunk tank. So what would have made so much sense is I just say, take me to the police station and my parents would have come and pick me up. And I reached out to both my parents to validate some details on this story. And my mom immediately was like,

You weren't arrested. You were just brought to the station for questioning. And I was like, Mom, when they put me in cuffs in the back of the car and said you're arrested, I was arrested. Yeah, I'd go along with that. I mean, I don't know the technical definition, but yeah, you were arrested and then let go. Arrested, not charged. They said you're under arrest, so that was me under arrest. Oh, what a harrowing story for a 16-year-old.

I will say to this day, I don't love a cab when rideshare came along, and it was like, you can track, where you're going, who you're with, all the safety features. I was for that. So I can't say I'm totally unscathed. It's kind of still there. But yeah, it's a story now. And how long did you stay with the boyfriend? Oh, that ended pretty quickly. Was he a bad boy? He wasn't the greatest. Okay. He wasn't a good boy. We might have to spank his but chero. Well, I don't know. Oh, well, Jackie, thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. This has been so much fun. I have to say, I was watching the first episode of Mom's Car on YouTube when I got the email from Emma. Oh, what did you think?

I loved the episode, but my brain kind of short-circuited when I was like watching you and then reading the email from Emma. It was like a lot of armchair coming at me at once. That's Sim. Sim. All right. Well, lovely meeting you. Thank you.

Lovely meeting you too. All right. Take care. Have fun at the lake. Thanks. Bye. Is this David? It is.

David, you've got Uncle Baby Billy's shirt on. I do. I got a misbehaving tour shirt on. Oh, my God, that's fantastic. It kind of fits well with the theme of this story. Oh, good. Where are you, David? I'm in West Seattle, but I'm calling from a co-workspace because we are in the middle of moving today.

Oh, okay. There are some hints to your location behind you because that definitely looks like a Washington Seescape. Nice little generic co-workspace art. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So when does this event happen? So this event took place in the 90s, 1998. when I was a junior in high school. Back to the 90s.

Okay, so I'm a bit older than you. I miss it. Yeah, six years, I would guess. About, yeah. And did you go to school in Washington? Yeah, I grew up in the suburb of Seattle, Isoquah, but just ironically, where we're moving back to. Oh, wow. Crazy.

So, the Sunday afternoon, Amy and my buddy were paling around in his truck, you know, as teenage boys will do up to no good. And this car pulled up right behind us and started just tailgate mess, or at least so we thought. Yes, yes. As teenage boys on a Sunday afternoon will do. We start thinking, what can we do to get this person? Should we break check them? Should we throw something out the window? Carl was my best friend at the time. Still is a really good friend of mine. He was the driver, looked in his glove compartment, and he had a toy cat gun or pistol. Okay. Yeah. Okay. What would we do, of course? They're like, oh, I should hold Carl hostage.

Oh, oh, interesting, not the direction I was expecting it to go. I grabbed the gun and I hold it to Carl's head. And we can look out the back window and he's looking in the mirror. and the person is clearly responding, right? They're kind of freaking out. They're concerned. Yeah. And we're getting a good laugh out of it. So we're still driving through town and we're like, well, now what are we going to do?

And we cruise over to a future shop, which is kind of like a best buy. Now they're out of business. And one of our buddies was the manager of the car stereo install bay. We pulled up over there. We thought, okay, prank's done moving on with our day. Still trying to find something to do. And we go in and we tell them what the story was. he pulls some of the guys out and tells them what the story is.

You're heroes. Yeah, we think it's the best thing in the world. About five minutes later, one of the clerks comes up and goes, there's a lot of police outside. Oh, but a lot. Yeah, a lot for a murder, I would assume. Or an armed robbery. Both require a lot.

Issaquois a pretty small suburb. There's probably four squad cars in the whole town. So it was all four of them, plus a couple from a neighboring town, Bellevue. There's probably six or seven of them out there, and we go up to the window, we're looking out the window. we're like, uh-oh, my buddy who's the manager of the store is freaking out. He's like, I'm going to get in trouble if the cops storm in here and there's a whole scene. He's like, you guys got to go. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Okay.

We get in the car and we start driving and then they are clearly following us. They're not engaging, but they are following to see what our next location or destination is going to be. We kind of keep traveling through town and we get out through downtown towards where there's a park and ride. And this is, you know, lights on. We're surrounded and they are steering us to pull in. And really quick, when you're driving down the road. What are you guys saying? Are you trying to come up with some cockamamie story you're going to tell them? What's the dialogue inside? Yeah, I don't think we were that smart to think of anything besides just we're dumb boys. Uh-huh. Yeah, like oops. This was the 90s. So we were

going to go thick old Simpsons. Boys will be boys defense. Okay. Okay. It was probably a first endeavor with the law, but it wasn't our first endeavor of getting in trouble. And it worked in the past, just never with law enforcement. So we were going to try it out and see how it went. So we pull into the park and ride, and they surround us, and we are facing a concrete barrier, so we can't go anywhere. Doors open, their guns are drawn, lights are on, there's somebody on a pole horn giving instruction. So both of our hands are out the window at this point because we had the windows down. They instruct Carl to turn the car off and throw the keys out the window. Now, Carl's a fit guy.

I wouldn't call him athletic in any means, but he hugged those keys, had to have been half a mile across the parking lot. They went flying. They instruct him to open the door from the outside and step out. So he reaches out, follow his instructions, gets out, and he's outside. And they have his hands up, and they say, take 10 steps back, and then take five more steps back. And they keep instructing him to take steps backwards until they get close enough to him.

Then they put him in handcuffs and put him in the back of the car. this point, they don't know who's who or what's going on. Now, the attention kind of turns to me. I've got my hands out the window and they say, passenger slide across the seat because it's a 90s model Ford Ranger pickup truck and get out the driver's side because that's kind of where they were all able to contain us so we couldn't take off running as if that was a choice. So I've got my seatbelt on, of course, as I should. And I'm yelling out the window. I've got to take my seatbelt off. I've got to take my seatbelt off. Don't hear anything. So I just slowly reach for it and I hear a shotgun And I throw my hands back out the window, almost an unauthorized evacuation, but not quite.

Sure. Good, but a double whammy prompt. One of the other cops yells, seatbelt, seatbelt, seatbelt. So they all kind of calm down. Oh, boy. They say, take your seatbelt off and slide over. So I reach down, take my seatbelt off, slide across the truck, get out, do the same thing, you know, hands up, back up, follow the instructions very clearly.

And they put me in handcuffs, and they put me in the back of a different squad car at this point. But now they've kind of got the scene controlled. So at least the tensions feel like they're down a little bit. So they get us in the back of the cars. First, they're talking to Carl to understand what happened. I can see what's going on. There's two cops standing outside of my car. They're talking to him.

Feels like a while. But, you know, who knows what time is at this point? They're done talking to Carl. They come over to me. They're talking to me. And we're telling the same story. We're like, listen, this guy was tailgating us. We thought this would be funny.

And they're like, what possibly would make you think that this is fun? And we're like, I don't know. They were in his car, tearing the car apart, looking for a gun at this point. They find the toy gun, but they're like, the driver said it was a real gun. We're like, it wasn't a real gun. It was this cap gun. After however long it is, they finally believe us. So they get us both out.

They get us next to each other. They take the cuffs off. And then the local sergeant, who both of us actually became semi-friends with after the fact, is just laying into us. Like, what is wrong with you? You've taken up all these resources. You could have gotten your head blown off pointing at me. Yeah, scared straight. It's 1998, so there's real no cell phones.

So now they've got to figure out how to get a hold of our parents, because we're both minors. So they call Carl's parents, no one's home. They leave a very detailed message. They call my parents, no dice. They lay in a little bit. They try it again. Nothing, nothing. So they finally decide they're going to let us go on the caveat that they are going to

follow up continuously until they get a hold of an adult to confirm that the message has been relayed. So we get on the road. We start strategizing. We're like, okay, let's go to Carl's house first because his parents are going to get home first, and we've got to get to that answering machine. Oh, wow. So your plan is to now try to prevent either parents from knowing. Yes and no.

We were going to delete the message so we could paint our story. Okay, great, great, great, great. Because we knew they were going to call back and talk to them. So we wanted to get our story out first before they got to them. We erase it. His parents get there. His dad was a tough SOB, not a happy camper. Uh-huh, yeah.

So much so later in life, we had had some other challenges. I moved away, and every time I came back to visit, I would get a call from his dad saying, I don't want my son or you to end up in the hospital or in jail tonight. Okay. He was worried. I'm sure you have it with Aaron. You know, when you get together, the little devil on your shoulder just says, yes, do it. Sure, sure.

There's nothing saying, no, don't do it. So we talk his parents out of murdering us. Really quick. Does your friend's dad say there's any kind of grounding happening? Is there any punishment going to happen? I want to say it was three months, maybe six months. At that point, we were never allowed to see each other again. I mean, he was a groomsman in my wedding, so clearly that didn't last.

But it was a while before we were allowed to see each other outside of school. Get to my parents, and it's pretty much verbatim, right? It's the same thing. It's, you're an idiot. They're just both playing into us. We're kind of playing it off. We didn't quite think about how serious it was, probably until about five or six years ago. We're like, this was actually probably a pretty serious thing.

And then that's where kind of the fact that we lived in a very white suburb and we were two white teenagers kind of checked in and we're like, we were probably pretty privileged in this situation. If we were not where we were and who we were, that could have ended very differently. Yeah, anytime you got eight guns pointed at you, it can go wrong very easily. Yeah, and then it kind of carries along. He was in my wedding. We were getting married in Chicago. My wife and I about 11 years ago, we actually just celebrated our 11 year anniversary. Congrats.

At the rehearsal dinner, Carl opened up his wallet and took out the newspaper press clipping and read it to all of my in-laws and my wife. Wait, is this the caller too, Rob? Oh, it made the paper. Congratulations. Not a crazy big story, but we made the paper. Can I read it? Please. It says 1,800 block 12th Avenue Northwest.

Police were alerted to a hostage situation in the future shop parking lot that turned out to be the work of two teen pranksters. The work of two teen pranksters. One boy held a plastic toy gun to the head of his friend while the two drove about town. Police not knowing it was a joke, stop the boy's vehicle at the park and ride lot with drawn guns. That's fantastic. Yeah. They don't realize what a blessing it was. that they wrote that up for you guys.

I know, it's pretty funny. So that story comes out. I'd say probably every 24 months or so. Classic tale. I hope you have it framed in your home. I actually don't have a copy. That's Carl's copy. He carries it in his wallet still.

I ask him to take a picture out and send it to them. Tell the laminated at least. Well, we already know Carl's kind of playing it fast and loose. Oh, well, David, that's wonderful. That's such a teenage story. Well, I want to thank you guys so much. much. She would absolutely murder me if I didn't give Jen a shout out. She's been talking forever about this story and how it's going to be on armchair and how she's excited to pop in, but can't because

she's at home with the movers. Well, Jen, we love you and we thank you. Shout out. Yeah, big time. You're pretty much the source of all of our news and all of our culture. Uh-oh. For better or worse, right? Well, David, it's delightful to meet you. All right, have a good one. Thanks, guys. All right. Take care. Moody. Me too. That's all you can hope these days. Moves are tough. You know what's interesting about Oh, that's a good one. We're all writing down. We do have to pick today. Oh, great. Moving stories. Do you

want to do military stories? Oh, bang your butt. Cherry Red. Hello, is this Laura? Yes, it is. Oh, I have such a sweet spot for the name. Oh, that's nice to hear. Sweet Laura LaBeau. Where are you, Laura? I'm in Brooklyn, New York. So, unfortunately, quiet and closets are two things we don't have. But I do have a podcast mic. I was going to say, why do you have such a nice mic? I've done like educational content and worked in tech. Okay. And are you a Brooklyn native? No, I've been here like 13 years. I came here immediately after I graduated college. You did. You couldn't get there fast enough. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. What percentage of folks that you're meeting in Brooklyn are from Brooklyn? Five percent? I think it's honestly half and half. I mean, I'm a photographer. So there's a lot of artists here in

creatives that have been here their whole lives. So I feel very blessed to know a lot of natives and a lot of really cool transplants. We know almost nobody from L.A. Jess. That's about it, right, in our entire friendship circle? I know Max. Two out of 20. Yeah. It's rare, though. Okay, so you got arrested, and I'm just going to say I'm going to judge a book by its cover and say unlikely from the package that I'm seeing. I had not one detention in high school, like I was a pretty good girl. But when I go hard. I like really go hard. Good for you. You can't you snap. Yeah, it's a good one. Okay, let's hear it. So I went to college in the SEC as well. I went to USC. Oh, nice. That's South Carolina for those who are unfamiliar. That's not exactly. It's South Carolina. Oh, yeah, I'd hear you would definitely think

Southern California, whatever the fuck it stands for you. Right. It's the OG USC. The Ridge. So it was my junior year. I was at a party. and a boy that I was about to start dating. We were getting to know each other. We were pretty uninvolved in the rest of the party, honestly. We were down in his room. We were smoking a lot, kind of made out a little bit. Pot or cigarettes?

Pot. Okay, great. I mean, we smoke cigarettes too, but there were some younger freshmen at this party. It was like early in the year, and that was part of why we were sort of away from everyone. So a noise complaint comes through. The cops get called. And instead of someone older taking charge and saying, hey, everybody shut up, we're just going to tell the cops we're going to be quiet and they'll go away and everything will be fine. All these tiny little freshmen started running out the door, down the drive everywhere.

And it was like, okay, we got to go. You can almost not blame them because that was the move in high school. It's like they just left high school. High school, you just run like hell. Yeah, I think we all just sort of like rolled our eyes and we're like, okay, let's go. And I had maybe a gram less than that of weed. in what was a very cute little satin purse that I would, like, carry it around in.

Oh, sheesh. And I obviously was nervous. Pot was very illegal in South Carolina, so I tried to just toss it as I walked down the driveway. And at that same moment, a flashlight comes up, and I just hear, well, that one tossed something, go grab her. Oh, no.

Oh, boy, possession. In the South, they want to get you for that. They really do. So they bring everybody up the driveway, the drive is in the back of the house and line all the kids up that have stopped and didn't get away. I'm just over on the side in handcuffs because they're like, we don't even care. You're going. So I'm just waiting to see, like, who my busmates are going to be.

And I just moved in with a girl that I did not know. This was, like, our first time going out together. And I just watches her and everyone else in the line just lie and say, well, I don't have my ID. So they can't prove anything. So they just let them all go. I'm like, this sucks. That's a great strategy. I don't know about that.

Yeah, I love it. I know. I was too much of a goody-goody. I would have immediately been like, I'm underage. You can take me. I had no survival instincts. And so one girl gets so obviously just hammered. They're like, well, we're taking you.

For your own safety, I think we need to get you somewhere. Yeah. So she and I get in the back of a cop car together. And she immediately starts like, do you know who my daddy is? You guys are going to lose your job. And she just starts going, and she's slurring, she's so loud, and I'm so stoned. I was immediately resigned to, like, this is how my night's going to go.

It is what it is. Oh, you're chill. There's no way I couldn't be. So I look at her, and I was like, I'm going to need you to shut the fuck up. Like, this is too much, you're too loud, your dad's not getting you out of this. We're going to jail. This is how the night's going to end. I'm sorry.

So the cops in the front start laughing. And they're like, well, at least she's entertaining. And I'm sure they wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up, too. No one's watching friends in bed with ice cream tonight. Right. It's not happening. No. So they, unfortunately,

don't take us straight to the jail. They take us downtown to the bars to collect more children before they drive all the way out to where the correctional facility is. Oh, my Lord. And what kind of vehicle are you in? Just on a standard cop car? Are you like in a van?

First, it was a cop car. They wanted to load up a van. And then the van takes everybody out to the woods where the jail is. So it was like, you know, cool, nobody will see. And then all of a sudden we're in downtown in the middle of all of the bars in a parking lot. And I'm just standing there in handcuffs.

And the cop is like, all right, Wamanos, take your ID out and start some paperwork to save time later. And I was like, great, you do whatever you want, man. And he pulls out an ID, and I just burst out laughing. And he looks at me and is like, what now? And I'm like, that's not me, man. Fake ID. And he's like, what?

And I was like, I don't know what to tell you. Like, it is what it is. And he's like, who is it? And I'm like, I don't know. Some girl from New Jersey. You can clearly see her name. And he just starts laughing. And he actually put it.

back in my purse. Oh, okay. You really endeared these police to you. That was smart. I really won them over. I mean, he took out the real ID and was like, you know, you're going to give it back to her, right? And I was like, yeah, the first chance I get. So we get to the jail.

They take us all out. Start to do the processing. And I'm still stoned and just like, what an interesting adventure this will be. I don't know how any of this works. I hope the food's good. I also just sort of assumed I'd be in a drunk tank with everybody else, but we, is another game. I'm getting booked.

Like, I'm going to a cell. I get, you know, separated from people for smaller than a penny. They are like, write down a phone number that you want to call. I'm like, okay, I have no family in this city. I don't know my roommate. I don't really have anybody. But my sister-in-law and my brother lived a few hours away. I was like, all right, well, I'll just call my sister-in-law.

Not my big brother. I'll call my sister-in-law. I'm like, she'll be cool. So I write the phone number down and then they take all my stuff. And the guy's doing my fingerprints and they're talking to me about. a phone call, and they're like, well, you can't call long distance. And I'm like, what do you mean? Yeah. And that point, I sober up and lose it. And I'm like, no one knows I'm here. I start crying. And they take a mugshot and you're like, oh, fuck. That's there forever.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. I'm freaking out. The guy taking my fingerprints is like, what's wrong? And I'm like, well, besides this, I can't call anyone. I still have the piece of paper with my sister-in-law's phone number. And he's like, why don't you leave that there? I'll call her and let her know what's going on. And I was like, weird, but what other choice do I have? Like, somebody's got to know. And then they were going to put me in a holding cell before they took me back. And the guy comes back around and he's like kind of talking out of the side of his mouth. And he's like, don't let anybody see, but there's a small piece of paper on the floor in that holding cell. Pick it up. It has my number on it, but don't let anybody see who pick it up. And I was like, okay.

What's happening? Is this a meat cute? He wants it to be a meat cute. Absolutely not. If this is the only human that's going to have contact with anybody, like, you've got to do what you've got to do. So I very casually sit on the floor of the whole cell, like I'm trying to relax and just put this tiny piece of paper in my pocket. Like, it's the only thing that I own in the world. And they, like, take me back to a cell. I think I, like, blacked out for the rest of the night because I have very few just sort of photographs of memories of being in a cell. There was a girl who's younger with me. I think she'd, like, stolen some stuff.

I think I was back there for probably eight, nine hours. Someone comes to get me, and they're like, you're going to get let out. So I get out, and the lady, like, giving me my stuff back is, like, someone's here to get you. And I was like, who? She's like, does it matter? Go! And I walk out, and I see my sister-in-law standing there. She and I just, like, walk outside.

I probably start crying. I think I'm laughing a little bit. And she's like, yeah, I got a very weird text message at, like, three in the morning from a random number that's like, hey, your sister's in jail in Columbia. South Carolina. And she goes, so I called your brother because I thought it was probably a scam. Yeah. I'm the youngest of four and I'm the only girl. So they all got into all sorts of trouble and I was very good. And he was like, yeah, she's in jail. You got to go get her. It's about time she got in trouble. She comes and picks me up. I was supposed to start a job that day at a restaurant. And I was

like, yeah, that's not going to happen. So I called out that I was sick. And my sister-in-law and I were like, right, we're just going to watch crappy TV and get food. So we go to get food and my debit card gets denied. And I'm like, well, that's very weird. Obviously, I was supposed to start a job, but like I've got some cash. So I go home, log into my bank online and see that it has been completely emptied and someone paid a utility bill with my debit card. What? The only people that had possession of anything of mine, because I got everything back were the people that worked at the jail. So it's like, I'm pretty sure someone that worked at that jail stole my identity.

Payed a utility bill. Oh, my God. It paid like a $300 water bill or something like that. Oh, my God. That's horrible. What do you do? You know, it was like, well, I called the bank and tried to explain it without really having to explain it.

And everything got refunded and it was fine. But then when I went to court, they want you to pay to, like, have things expunged off your record and go through a class instead of all this other stuff. And I just looked at the judge and was like, I'm not. not paying for that. Someone that works for you stole all of my money. And none of you wanted to investigate the address that the bill was paid for. And the judge was just like, yeah. How's community service sound? And I was like, I think that sounds great. Wait, what was on the piece of paper that he left? Yeah. His phone number. But it was like, I don't need to call you. Like, she'll either be here or she

won't be here. This feels like a very corrupt situation because I think he was hitting on you. Me too. I think they stole you. I think he. I think he's. I think he. He also stole your money and hit on you. Wow, wow, wow. Well, he was like, eventually we'll be married, so it was my money. Oh, that's generous. That sucks. So what was the outcome of the charge for possession?

Did they throw that out? After about six months, I had a certain amount of time to complete the community service, and I turned in that paperwork and then just never looked myself up in that system again because it was like, I'm not going to live in this state, so I don't think this is going to matter. And I was also really hoping that Wade would be. legal eventually. And it also wouldn't matter. So I left the day after I graduated and I've never stepped foot in Columbia again.

I go to South Carolina often, but not Columbia. Oh, man. Yeah. Possession. Possession. Thief. Me cute. And then I actually waited on the cop who arrested me at that restaurant that I

started working at, like a month later. He was hammered. It was his birthday. So I like took him a shot and was like, hey, do you remember me? He's like, yeah, weed, right? And I was like, yeah, totally. Oh, but he didn't hit on you then. No, different guy.

Yeah, this was one of the cops that arrested me. Okay, not the one that gave you his number. No, no, no. That was a fingerprint guy. Thanks for sharing that. Yeah, have you been arrested since? I bet not. No, I have not.

No, okay, good. Knock on wood. One and done. Well, it's a lovely meeting you, Laura. Yeah, thank you. Have a good day, guys. All right, take care. This is a double whammy, Monnie.

Oh, that's always fun. Bonnie and Clyde. Hello. Hello. Hi. Is this Dan? Yep. Hi, Dan. Is Sarah with us as well? Hi. Nice to meet you both. Hi, nice to meet you. Where are you guys? We're both in Lehigh, Utah. Oh, okay. Great. You're not our first Utahians. What do we call people from Utah? I like Eutonians, but I don't think that's really it. I think I made that up. That is really nice. Eutonians. And you guys have an arrest story and it's a team and this is only the second time we've interviewed two people. at once. So this is very exciting a novel. We're going to tell you a story about our wedding day.

Oh, fantastic. So a little backstory that will be helpful. So we met fall of 1999. We fell in love pretty quickly, madly, deeply. Moved in together in January of 2000, we decided to move to Cedar City. We had been living in Provo, Utah. We found out we were going to have a baby in May. so we decided, let's get married in September. Dan's parents had a beautiful backyard in Provo, Utah, so we decided to get married there. It is the morning of our wedding. We are doing the finishing touches, setting up chairs, dance on a ladder, hanging up fairy lights. How many guests are coming? Probably about 150, 200, do you think? So Dan's hanging in the lights. It's time for me to go get my hair and makeup done, get in my dress. So I kiss him goodbye. We'll see you in a bit and I leave.

Finish putting up the lights and stuff. And an hour before, I'm like, I kind of get my tucks on and the doorbell rings. I open it. There's this plainclothes guy standing there. And I'm like, maybe one of the guests. I don't know. But he introduces himself. He's like, I'm officer so-and-so from Sheriff's Department.

I'm looking for Dan Shepard. Is he here? And I'm like, that's me. Hold on a second. Your name's Dan Shepard? I am Dan Shepard. Oh, my God. So obviously, you know, I go by Dan Shepard nonstop.

That's amazing. Yeah, I was so excited. That's hilarious. Is your name, Kristen? Bell? I wish. We're going to do a Halloween costume one of these days. You should. So, yeah, he looked at me. I used to have earrings and long hair and that whole look back in the day. And he's like, oh, you're not even the guy I'm looking for. I'm like, all right, cool. And then he's like, well, let's just go to my car real quick, checked it out, make sure. So I'm sure, whatever.

And we get to his car. He asked me my birthday and I tell him if he looks at me and does a double take. He says, oh, my God, I guess it is you. And he grabs me and says, you're under arrest. You're going to jail. And I'm getting married in an hour. Oh, my God. He's like, no, not today. You're not. And my brother sees this guy manhandling me and comes out to, like, help me and going to hit him.

I'm like, it's a cop. Don't hit him. I'm going to jail. Tell everyone. I don't know what to do. Tell them. What the fuck? They didn't say, like, you're arrested for?

After he grabbed me, I'm like, what am I arrested for? He said, for abstonding from probation. Because I'd moved to Cedar City. back when you went to jail for marijuana charges and stuff I had a possession thing I was dealing with and I was working I didn't think I was hiding and I guess they put your wedding announcement in the newspaper back in the day so we did that and they checked that and that's how they knew I would be in town and where I would be so anti-love I know but also he must have stuck out like a fucking sore thumb and provo with long hair and earrings everywhere he could have let you guys get married could have watched the wedding from behind and then you would have felt butterflies and then it would have been like oh these people are nice it'd be really cute if they put them both in the back of the cop car and then wrote just married and soap on the cop car window and then they got to drive through town there's more there's more to this story

so yeah they get me to the jail booked me in and they're laughing about my wedding thing and they says there's roses out front they can get married in the front of the jail and I'm like yeah that's not happening I didn't know what was going on and so I'm just sitting in jail somehow my dad works his magic with the judge that's marrying us to get a sheriff to be my best man pretty much and get me out for an hour get married stop it and come right back to jail no no yep at a best man as a sheriff he had a handcuffed tie pin oh my god wait dan there's more so dan sitting in jail finds out there's a chance he can get out i'm coming back to the venue in my wedding dress make a We're done. We don't have cell phones. So I have no idea what has happened. So I walk in and nobody's

looking at me in the eye. I'm expecting everyone's going to be like, oh my gosh, you're so beautiful. Oh no. That gets just panic and anxiety and nobody's talking to me. So I think, okay, the last time I saw Dan, he was on a ladder hanging lights. Did he fall? But then nobody else is gone, just Dan. So then I think he left me. Oh, my God. Oh, cold feet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My sweet mother-in-law grabs me and takes me outside and she explains that Dan had been arrested.

But that my father-in-law had worked his magic and worked this out that he can get out. He's going to have to go right back. Do you still want to get married? Oh, my God. I'm pregnant. I'm dressed. Guests are arriving by this time. and I'm like, yeah, if you can get him here, let's do it.

Wow. Why not? So then Dan shows up with a sheriff, okay. Wow. Yeah, and shackles in the prison garb. There's a sheriff's van in the driveway. He watches me get my tucks on. He's like, if you're good, not a problem.

If you try anything, I'll take you down in front of everybody. I don't care. So Sarah couldn't even come near me to kiss me. Oh, my God. This is insane. have the service, the saddest wedding pictures you'll ever see in the album. I want to see those pictures so bad.

What are the guests saying? Clearly, you've all talked to them since. Like, what were they thinking? Like, what is she doing? Oh, for sure. And I have to give my family such credit because my parents were just troopers. I got to be honest,

if one of my daughters marries a guy that gets arrested during the wedding, I'm going to be a little nervous. No, but you knew what it was for, right? I did. And when I found out he'd been arrested, I thought he left me at the altar. So, honestly, I was so relieved. Yeah, thank God he was arrested.

Yeah, he still loves me. Was there video being run? Did anyone record it? We did. And we do have some pictures. I almost sent some into Emma, but I think they were strategically trying not to get the sheriff. But I would love to see his video of it. And then the moment overtook the sheriff and he's crying as Dan's best man.

That would be the dream. Like, in the movie, gives a toast. I've only known Dan for 36 minutes, what I've got to say. This love is so pure. Okay, so you see, I do, I do. Do you get to kiss at, I do? We do. Do you have, like, one handcuff to him?

He had let me out of the cuff. I had a tuxedo one that looked good, but, yeah, we're just sobbing. I don't remember any of the ceremony at all. Right after the nuptials are done, does he then take you to put you back in the jumpsuit? Yeah. You had to change. of your tucks and get in the jumpsuit. And so did you just party without him?

A little awkward, right? And I didn't really want to be at the reception alone and have to kind of explain everything. So my girlfriends and I, we just left and I hung out with them for the evening. Oh, my God. This is such a disaster. I love one of disasters. Like, we could have had a prompt, like, worst wedding you've ever been to. And probably three or four people from your wedding would have submitted.

I'm sure there were bets. the way home of like that marriage is not going to last five months. Yeah, you can't do the first dance or anything. Also, weddings are expensive. You wasted all this money. They were filming guests congratulating us. And someone's like, how amazing, spend your time together, wait to have children. And someone leans over and whispers to her.

Children are such a blessing. Congratulations. This whole from beginning to end is just an absolute disaster. Wow. When you drove away in the paddy wagon, did people stand on the yard and, like, wave to you? Yeah. We said a prayer goodbye, and there's a dog door, and I was, like, I actually considered, like, I could climb through there and get out of here. And how long were you in the clink?

Two months. No. Are you serious? For the moment you got married, you sat in jail for two months? Yeah. For fucking weed possession. Violating probation, upsconding him. Holy shit.

We added it up. He probably served. in total two and a half years over other charges always from less than an eighth of weed probably yeah all possession charges what a fucking waste of money there's so many other fallouts from it but just what a waste of manpower two months right after the hour long wedding wow so when you got out then of course sarah were you there to pick dan up of course and did you go on a honeymoon we did finally get our late honeymoon i've always given him so much shit for this day, but I've told him, okay, it's worth it now. I get to meet Dax and Monica. I love them. Well, you owe him a real big one, though. You really have some leeway to

fuck up majorly and put them through it for a couple months. That's how I knew she was a keeper, though. Yeah, that's incredible. Wow, man, two months after that. That's insane. In Provo, or do they send you out to Salt Lake or something? In Provo, yeah, you go down south. Weed was just a big deal back in War on Drugs days, and they did not play around. And were most of the folks in there with you also serving weed? Yeah, it'd be rare. It was something like a DUI or anything else. He got three visits a week.

So, of course, I was there every day that I could be. And the guards, you know, at first it's like a half hour visit. But as time went on, we had like two hour visits. I think they were like, these guys are just in love. We're going to let him talk. Oh, my God. Wow. This is a great story.

You guys, this is weirdly one of the sweetest wedding stories at the same time. It's romantic. You guys made it through. We did. I was just thrilled she was still going to marry me and it happened. And the inmates, when I came back, they're like, did you consummate your marriage? I'm like, no. Like, well, you're not really married.

I'm like, well, she's pregnant. I think we're good there. Still giving me shit about it. Oh, that's so funny. Oh, my God. What a story. Great story. Thank you so much for sharing it.

Yeah, that was great. Thank you guys. Our pleasure. Thank you. All right. Well, you guys. Yeah, keep going strong. Keep doing what you guys are doing.

You're changing lives. Okay. Bye. Bye. Oh, wow. That was epic. Unexpected. A wedding arrest story.

I loved it. And they get to hear them both. It was. And her going, well, hold on, Dan. There's like the way couples tell stories. So great. It's so great. 25 years.

That's a big hurdle to overcome and they did it. Well, that was lovely. Yeah, lovely arrests. Good job. Good job, everyone. Try not to get arrested. Love you. Love you.

Do you want to sing a tune or something? We know a theme song. Oh. Okay, great. We don't have a thing song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're going to ask some random questions, and with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions. I'm a flyer rhyme dish I'm the flyer rhyme dish

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