Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Armchair Anonymous: Crazy Ex
Episode Date: November 15, 2024Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us a story about a crazy ex.Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new con...tent on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous.
I'm Dan Rather and I'm joined by Mrs. Mouse.
Today is Crazy X.
Tell us about your Crazy X.
People have Crazy X's out there.
They do.
They have a history.
I think I have one.
I don't think it was realized till after.
Now this, I gotta give a disclaimer to this.
Obviously, and this should have been foreseen,
obviously crazy X entails some stalking.
So if that's an experience you had, this probably.
Isn't for you.
It's a, you wanna skip it.
At least skip the first two, yeah.
Yeah, skip the first two.
The other two you probably.
Just skip the whole fucking thing.
Just don't listen to this show.
Go get a burrito and a diet coke and two martinis
and kick your feet up, it's Friday.
Enjoy the day off.
You've got a day off, no homework today.
Fun.
Please enjoy Crazy Exes.
I'm Raza Jafri and in the latest season of The Spy Who,
we open the file on Sergei Skripal,
the spy who Putin poisoned.
When the USSR falls apart, GRU officer Skripal finds himself adrift in the new Russia.
The world of espionage becomes his way out and his downfall.
Once a double agent, now a pivotal figure in an international mystery, Sergey Skripal went from a life of covert
operations to a dramatic poisoning that captivated the globe.
But what led to this shocking attack? And what hidden truths did Sergey uncover?
Follow the Spy Who on the Wondery app or wherever you listen to podcasts. Or you can binge the full season of The Spy Who
Putin Poisoned early and ad free with Wondery+.
I'm Matt Ford.
And I'm Alice Levine.
And we're the hosts of Wondery's podcast, British Scandal.
Now our latest series is big, I mean huge. You could say the biggest scandal ever to
happen on British soil.
It's political, it's religious, it was an extreme act of defiance.
We're talking about a next level assassination attempt.
Members of the royal family, religious leaders as well as a load of big names in society.
And they very nearly succeeded.
So close, we're going to be telling you the story of the gunpowder plot and how 13 men set about planning to blow up the Houses of Parliament.
The stakes were impossibly high. There were rifts in the group, a load of swords and drunk
men swigging beer in hostelries. Which always ends badly. To find out the full story follow
British Scandal wherever you listen to podcasts or listen early and ad free on Wondry Plus on Apple Podcasts or the Wondry app. Good times, take them slow. My life, I had them both.
But one thing, you gotta know, I'ma keep on shining.
Hello.
Oh my goodness.
Look at this wonderful sound booth you've constructed.
It's my husband's.
He has a microphone and headphones.
So I was like, thanks babe.
Ah!
But behind you too, there's a microphone and headphones, so I was like, thanks babe. Ah, but behind you too,
there's a lot of nice sound dampening.
I'm in my baby's nursery in this little nook.
Oh my God, perfect.
How old's your baby?
He's four months old.
Oh, congratulations.
Thank you, he's tiny.
Does he smell delicious?
Yes, the best, so good.
Like when does that change?
It goes on for quite a while.
Are we using your real name?
My name's Fine, but everyone else will change names.
Perfect.
Just because.
To be safe.
And so you're not named after Karlie Simon
because you would have spelled it differently.
Actually, my mom, my name was Sierra,
and then she was putting my nursery together
and she heard a Karlie Simon song.
So she changed it.
Oh, wow.
My dad came home, he was like,
why does her room say Carly now?
And she's like, I changed her name.
So you are named after her.
Yeah, just spelled different.
I guess that's permitted.
I like that.
You like when people spell names.
You and I have talked about this in the past, Monica.
A little bit differently.
You like that, yeah.
I like that. Okay, you have a crazy this in the past, Monica. A little bit differently. You like that, yeah. I like that.
Okay, you have a crazy ex.
I mean, everyone does, but you have a crazy ex
that we're gonna hear about.
I was so excited when I saw the prompt.
I was like, yes!
Oh!
I was like, I can't wait to hear Monica go,
oh my God, or like, what the fuck?
Oh!
We'll set the stage for us.
Yeah, let's hear it.
Yes, so it was in 2013. Yeah, let's hear it. Yes.
So it was in 2013.
I was a couple of years out of college.
I met this guy, we won't name him.
When I was in college, he just lived in the college town, but he didn't actually go to
school.
One of those and he'd sold weed.
So that's a big part of the story.
He was a dirt bag.
Not my proudest boyfriend moment.
What was it about him that tickled your fancy?
Was he gorgeous or something?
He was cute.
You know, in college you're drinking a lot.
We met at a party and it was fun.
That continued for a couple years, but it was never great.
But yeah, so we eventually broke up,
but I should have mentioned this earlier.
He was into graffiti.
Graffiti gangs are called crews. I don't know if you guys know anything about this. I'm like so embarrassed to mentioned this earlier. He was into graffiti. Graffiti gangs are called crews.
I don't know if you guys know anything about this.
I'm like so embarrassed to tell this story.
No, we love learning.
But yeah, he was in a crew.
He always talked about this one specific
other graffiti artists in the area that we're from
and how he was like this OG person.
And there's something very particular about this person.
I won't say what it is about him because I would totally give it away. But he was like, yeah person and there's something very particular about this person. I won't say what it is about him
because I would totally give it away,
but he was like, yeah, that guy's so cool.
I'm like, all right, cool.
Wait, can I ask you one quick question?
I guess this is maybe a PSA for dudes.
My hunch is he was telling you how cool Graffiti was
and I'm in a crew and brother, this is awesome.
You probably weren't ever that enthralled by it,
but you're probably placating him like, oh cool, hon, yeah.
Pretty much.
It's hard for us to know us boys,
like we're trying to tell you about this thing
and you're being nice and then we're misled
to think this is cool.
Cause if you're not nice, then they get mad.
You get graffiti.
Yeah, you get graffiti in the middle of the night.
Just wait till the end of this story.
Oh boy.
Can I ask how long you were together?
On and off for a couple years.
But yeah, we break up and I go to a party in a different town
with a completely different group of people,
not connected at all.
And I end up meeting this guy and we hit it off
and then we start dating.
Well, it turns out he's like the OG character
from another crew.
Oh, no.
I had no idea at all.
Oh, my God, you have a type.
Yeah, and it was so silly.
I'm like, why did I date both of these people
who were into all this bullshit?
Anyways, so my ex finds out that I was dating this other cat
from another crew and starts to tag my house and tag my work.
Oh my God.
Tag like all the coffee shops that I go to.
Eww. Really, really icky. all the coffee shops that I go to. Eww.
Really, really icky.
And he's tagging sloppy seconds everywhere.
That's how we knew it was him.
Oh, my God.
I end up moving. He finds out where my new house is.
The cops were involved,
because at that point in time, it was like stalking.
But I'd be out with friends,
and I've always had this weird kind of sixth sense thing.
My dad has it too.
Something's wrong, and we can't really explain it. But yeah, I'd be out and I'm always had this weird kind of sixth sense thing. My dad has it too. Something's wrong and we can't really explain it.
But yeah, I'd be out and I'm like, he's here.
My friends would be like, where at?
And I'm like, I don't know, but he's here.
I gotta go.
Wow.
And I'd like walk out of the bar and he'd be walking around the corner.
Or I'd come out of a coffee shop and he'd be like across the street.
Ooh.
Cool.
New guy, I'm still dating him.
He's getting pissed at this point in time because obviously he cares about me enough
to be like, this is really creepy and messed up.
So the funniest part about this whole story is these two dumb graffiti crews, sorry to
anyone that's like super new graffiti.
I think at this point in time in my life I'm like, it's so stupid, the crew thing.
But they met at a train yard for like an old school rumble.
No!
Oh, I love this part, it's like the outsiders.
Yes.
And they ended up fighting, lots of people were involved.
Just so dumb.
Wow. I couldn't believe it.
I was like, really?
We're still doing that type of thing?
Now this is a question Monica would never ask,
but I will, because I'm a boy.
Who won and lost?
Was there winners and losers?
There's no winners.
Everyone's a loser here.
Everyone's a loser, I agree.
I know, okay.
I just wanna know if your valiant boyfriend prevailed.
Yeah, I think it got broken up at some point in time too.
I never really got like the full inside scoop of things.
Was there guns involved?
I don't think so.
Okay, just fist fight.
Spray pink hands.
What if they sprayed each other with paint?
Classic.
Paint? Definitely like ripping shirts off Okay, just fist fight. Spray pink hands. What if they sprayed each other with... Classic.
Paint?
Definitely ripping shirts off and wearing white tank tops.
I was open to the notion you were gonna say
they had a tag off, like a dance off.
They got to a rail yard and they're like,
you got that train car, we've got this one,
let's see whose piece is fucking better.
It was sad because the second guy,
he actually did a lot of really cool legal stuff in the city
And the ex would like go over his legal murals and things that were like funded by nonprofits to beautify our city and whatnot
So I just went from that guy's the coolest OG painter
If you ever meet him, let me know and then I ended up dating that guy
Yes, well in his defense he doesn't deserve any defense,
but boy, there couldn't be anything rougher
than your ex going to your hero.
Dating your hero.
I know, right?
That is tough.
It was not intentional,
and I think he definitely thought it was,
and I was like, I didn't know.
Yeah, that does seem so bizarre.
Impossible coincidence.
How did it resolve?
Just over time, really, I mean, the cops were involved,
so I had like a no contact order.
Eventually it sizzled out.
Did the fight resolve anything?
Did he stop tagging up?
No, no, no.
Of course.
It rarely does, I suppose.
After that, the sloppy seconds and name calling
on the buildings outside of my house
got a little bit worse at that point in time.
That's a very freaky experience to be walking around
and go like, oh, he was there.
Oh, he's there.
Leaving tracks.
Well, what he's doing is peeing on things, like a dog.
It was scary.
I was young and I lived by myself.
How long were you with the OG guy?
Like six years after that.
Wow.
Is your current husband a misfit of any kind?
No, he's like the most basic nerdy tech guy of all time.
In the best way.
You had to get it out of your system.
Yeah, he's not anything like I used to date,
that's for sure.
Did you ever hear through the grapevine,
did he outgrow his angsty shit and be an artist now?
I don't think so.
When me and the second guy split up,
I moved away from that whole scene.
No hard feelings with the second one, actually.
We're buddies, but I don't think he ever really
got his stuff together.
But that was the weirdest thing,
is he would live in a different city,
selling stuff all over the place.
And so I'd never know if he was here.
So that was like another little piece of it.
You just gave me a great idea, Rob,
right down if you ever dated a drug dealer.
So you could probably do a different prompt.
Like he have random show up at the house.
Was he dealing out of the house
or would he meet people places?
And how much money was he making doing this?
Was he like fly and had a bunch of round town money?
A lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It wasn't ever at the house.
It was more like he'd go places
with large amounts in his vehicle.
Okay, he was dealing in like kilos and stuff.
Yeah, bigger amounts of things.
Oh, wow. Wow.
How has it permanently impacted your association
with graffiti?
When you see graffiti, you just go like,
oh, he's fucking clowns or do you like it?
I'm not going to say that I never had a little tag
or doodle that I did.
I definitely did that.
It was kind of fun.
But when I see it on a house or a building,
like, yeah, you clowns, really.
Anywhere else, it's cool.
And a lot of it is really beautiful and amazing.
In our city, there are a lot of very talented people.
So like, no hate on it.
But the whole crew beef is beyond me.
Yeah.
Very immature.
Wow.
I find myself conflicted about it.
I'll see some and it's great.
It is, it's art, it's beautiful.
But then this happens more in Europe,
particularly Paris.
You'll see this incredible marble statue
that is 600 years old and some arrogant fucking narcissist
spray painted all over it to get his own glory, it's gotta be him.
And I'm like, those make me irrationally upset.
I kinda feel the same way, I'm like,
that's so disrespectful, like go do it on the dumpster.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, Carly, what's clear from this conversation
is you're a catch, everyone's lining up.
That's right. You're spending
no time alone, So congrats.
Oh, thanks.
You went two, six, and then married.
It's lovely meeting you. Thanks for sharing.
You too, thank you.
I have to give shout outs.
They're going to be so upset if I don't.
So my mom said, I have to tell you that she was very sad
that bless this mess didn't continue.
Oh, thank her on my behalf.
And Parenthood was her favorite show.
She was like, you have to tell dad.
So I said, okay, mom.
And then my sister and my best friend are also arm cherries.
Well, lovely meeting you.
Shout out to mom.
Thank you, mom.
Keep consuming all those things
and shout out sister and best friend.
Thanks guys.
All right, take care. Bye.
Oh.
Ooh.
Hello.
Do you wanna look at my veins, you pervert?
Always.
You're in a doctor's office,
so my presumption was you like veins.
Yes, I do like veins.
I'm a nurse, I'm here in my clinic room.
I was supposed to be seeing a patient, but.
Oh my God.
A doctor is seeing them for me.
Oh, amazing.
We're not preventing someone from medical care.
No.
Okay.
Jackie, are we using your real name?
Yeah, that's my real name.
Wonderful, and where in the world are you,
other than a doctor's office?
New Orleans, Louisiana,
which is also where the story takes place.
We don't get a lot of New Orleans callers.
We don't, and I love New Orleans.
I know, you did have some Tulane talk
on one of your recent experts.
Yeah, that's like a heavy woman college.
Right, on Malcolm, maybe.
It was Malcolm.
Yeah, it's like becoming a woman's college.
Yeah.
That whole area around there, the garden district
and all that stuff is so dreamy.
I've been here since right before Katrina
when I started college at Tulane.
Oh wow. Wow.
And where are you from originally?
I'm from New Rochelle, New York.
That's a big move.
We're probably about the same age then.
We're exactly the same age.
I'm September 87.
Ah, wow.
Oh my God, are you a Virgo?
I'm totally a Virgo.
Wow. Girls.
I love that.
You have the same birthday as my little brother
who is just a few years younger.
Lots of crossover.
Do you find when Monica and I have dust-ups
that you being the same age in a Virgo,
are you always on her side?
Not always, it's half and half.
Okay, okay, you're giving us a very fair shake.
I hang on yours everywhere.
I don't even mind the toe fungus top.
Oh well, there's more of it.
Big update today, and you'll even get a visual.
Yeah, you'll get to see it.
Yeah.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Okay, Jackie, you have a crazy ex story
and we're dying to hear it.
I do.
I missed the stalker prompt.
So when crazy ex came by,
I thought I have to try and submit.
You know what's funny, Jackie, that you would say that
is we've only talked to one other person
and it immediately occurred to me,
these are generally probably gonna be stalker.
Yeah.
So this took place in New Orleans in 2007, 2008 was my very first boyfriend I ever had.
It was my junior year of college.
We met working at the same restaurant.
He was a bartender and I was a server and we dated for, I want to say maybe 18 months.
And he was kind of like on the hippie side.
He loved music.
We'll go to Bonnaroo.
And one of his birthdays, I made him like an entire binder full of burn CDs from the
60s and 70s. Very Beatles heavy. So we did that a lot together. And you know, I enjoyed
the relationship while it lasted, but I was young. I was like 18. And ultimately he turned
out to be a little controlling, nothing crazy. He just didn't like it if I would wear makeup
to class or dress up nice.
Yeah, that's a little more than a little controlling.
That's red flaggy for sure.
It was red flags.
But it was my first boyfriend.
I didn't know any better.
And when you're naive,
I guess there's some side of you that it's flattering, right?
Like, oh my God, he thinks I'm so hot.
It's dangerous if I am wearing.
He's so protective of our relationship.
He's scared.
He's threatened.
I'm so hot.
Yeah.
I ultimately realized that he was controlling.
And again, I was so young and it was not serving me anymore.
So I thought, whatever, we're breaking up.
I don't want to be with you anymore.
So we broke up and he did not take it well. I'm Colin Murray. And I'm Ennis James and if you thought we'd already covered the wildest
sporting stories on everything to play for, well think again.
Yes we're bringing you weekly bonus episodes where we dive into the sporting stories that
really connect to at least one of us.
So expect brilliant sporting stories and also tangents that nobody asked
for.
That's right, the things that we were reading about when we were very young that we've
continued to read about, the stuff that really motivates at least 50% of this partnership.
If you want more laughs, stories and more of us going on script, be sure to follow everything
to play for wherever you get your podcasts.
Are yours going to be all about Wales?
Yes.
Hey Armchairs, quick question for you. Have you ever stopped to wonder who came up with that bottle of Sriracha sitting in your fridge? Or why almost every house in America has a game of Monopoly
stashed away somewhere? Well, this is Nick. And this is Jack. And we just launched a brand new
podcast called The Best Idea Yet.
It's all about the surprising origin stories of the products you're obsessed with and
the people who brought them to life.
Like Super Mario, the best selling video game character ever.
He's only a thing because Nintendo couldn't get the rights to Popeye.
Or Jack, how about McDonald's Happy Meal?
Believe it or not, the Happy Meal was dreamed up by a mom in Guatemala.
Every week on The Best Idea Yet, you'll discover the surprising stories behind the most viral
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at the table.
Follow the Best Idea Yet on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts.
You can listen to the Best Idea Yet early and ad ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus.
Hi everyone, it's Millie here.
And it's Liam.
And this is our brand new podcast, Liam and Millie.
Why Liam and Millie?
Because it's just us.
So we are going to take you into the reality of our little love story from that very first
chat on Love Island.
But now we navigate in our long distance relationship.
You may not know where I live in Wales.
And I live in Essex.
So each week we'll be catching up on each other's lives.
We also will be answering your relationship questions and tackling your juiciest dilemmas.
Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts, watch the full episode on YouTube. It started with you would come to the house at all hours of the day and night.
I lived on a second floor duplex apartment and I had a little deck outside of my window.
It wasn't like a porch.
It was like a little deck you could sit on and he would sit up there and do creepy things
like he would whistle or knock at my window.
I would never be able to get out there fast enough to catch him.
And then started the nonstop phone calls,
like hundreds a day, all hours of the day and night.
I couldn't even use my phone.
So I changed my phone number, but I kept my old phone
because it was just cheaper to let that contract run out.
So I had both phones with me,
which is important to a later part in the story.
It just kept ramping up.
I blocked him and he would call me from restricted numbers. So I just left that phone alone. I tried to move on with my life, but
it didn't really stop. I would like notice weird things happening to me around the city.
I went to a male friend of mine's house and we were just hanging out at his house and
my car alarm kept going off at his house. So I went outside to check and nobody was
there. I just kept turning it off. I went back into his room and he said, did you just call me?
I said, no, I didn't call you, I'm here.
He said, that's so weird, I have this phone call
from Jackie right here and he showed me the phone
and the phone call had come from my old phone number,
which was back at my apartment.
Oh my God.
Ugh.
Now we're veering into psychopath territory.
I'm scared.
Yeah, yeah.
I went back to my apartment and it was totally trashed.
He had broken into the apartment,
rumbled through all my things, taken the phone.
Oh my God.
Taken the paintings off of my walls and just gone wild.
During all this stuff happening,
I tried to get my dad involved and he tried to call him
and he would just deny, deny, deny.
He was like, this is not me.
I'm not doing any of this.
You're paranoid.
Can I ask you a question?
And I don't want a victim shame, but it is always curious to me.
And I just want to explore why people are very resistant to calling the police.
Did you want to call the police?
Did you call the police?
Why didn't you call the police?
I called the police.
I tried to call when he was doing the whistling on my porch, but by the time
they got there, he wasn't there. I did file a restraining order,
but they realistically told me,
this is just a piece of paper.
Just watch out for yourself.
Yeah.
I reported him to my campus police.
He didn't go to the same college that I went to,
so I like gave them his picture,
but it was just kind of like, okay, be on the lookout.
Yeah, you did everything you could do.
I'm so sorry, ladies.
It's so scary.
It really affected my health.
I was rapidly losing weight.
I was really stressed out, couldn't eat.
I went on a date with another guy months later.
We went to the movies and I drove and on the way
we were listening to, I think, the Marshall Mathers LP
and we went into the movies and we came out
and when we came out, it wasn't playing M&M anymore.
It was blasting the Beatles and we came out. And when we came out, it wasn't playing M&M anymore. It was blasting the Beatles.
Oh my.
So at that point I thought,
okay, he definitely stole my extra set of car keys.
And that's why when I was around the city,
he would like set off my panic button.
And I knew it was him because who else was going to be
blasting this Beatles music that we had listened to together?
Oh, oh.
Oh, man.
And at that point it had been a long time, the entire experience of him stalking me was
more than a year, maybe a year and a half that it happened. So at that point, I was
past fear and I was really angry. I remember that CD issue being the final straw, and I
grabbed a friend of mine and I confronted him at his job. He was working at a grocery
store at that time. And I went in with my friend with a Vito CD
and I just accosted him at his job.
And I said, I know this was you.
I know you've been doing this.
You've been following me and loud
in the middle of the store.
And that spooked him.
And he said, oh, I'm like, please, please,
just meet me outside.
And then at that point, he admitted to everything.
He said, it's been me this whole time.
I'm so sorry.
I couldn't get over it.
And I just had to do what I had to do.
I'm going to leave you alone.
I swear I'm going to leave you alone.
Can you just come to my house and I'll give
you your things that I have of yours.
Oh my God.
Which is another red flag.
I did go, but I brought some people with me.
I went to his apartment and he handed me
this big cardboard box of all of the things
that he had taken from my house.
It was my clothing and just random things that honestly,
I didn't really care about if I had them or not.
He said, well, I have this one last thing to give to you.
What it was was a journal that I had and in typical fashion,
I would get a journal and write maybe five pages in it and then forget it existed.
So he had taken it and he had filled the entire journal full of this long letter to me.
I still have it to this day. Oh my god, this is so, this is like seven. Yeah, it's like a movie.
So this is like how much I wrote in it and then the rest of the journal is what he wrote. So it was just full of pictures and like one long letter
of like pressed flowers.
Ew.
He just ripped out.
Oh, mom.
And just like letters that I had written to him.
There was one part where he would censor what he wrote
or else you guys could see this.
Oh, he redacted things.
This is so creepy.
Hey, Jackie, when you were with him
for the year and a half,
did you get any sense that he was like unstable?
Other than the like controlling stuff,
was he dealing with other issues in his life
in a bizarre way?
A little bit, he came from somewhat of a broken family.
His parents weren't together, but overall he was happy.
And the couple of pages that I did write in the journal,
I did mention that we had fights here and there.
I don't remember really,
but I guess we were always having little fights.
Sure, well he's trying to control you
and you're probably pushing back
and it's probably endless.
I studied women's studies at Tulane.
I was just not having it.
At the time I didn't think,
I just said, okay, nevermind, see you later.
But I thought this journal was so interesting
because I know you guys always talk about journaling.
It is a letter written to me,
but over the like year and a half
that he wrote in this journal, you guys always talk about journaling. It is a letter written to me, but over the like year and a half
that he wrote in this journal,
he eventually comes to terms with accepting it
and being okay with it.
It ends up being really a note to himself.
Wow.
So it was obviously very therapeutic
for him to have finished this journal.
It's a weird testament to the power of journaling,
but here we are.
I'm shocked he gave it to you.
I would have thought maybe he'd want it for himself.
It's also creepy to give it to you.
Yes, he did also give me back the car keys and the phone.
So I did get all of that stuff back too.
And was that truly it?
Did you never bump into him again?
It was truly it for the stocking part of it.
Fast forward to 10 years later, it's 2018.
Also my very first date with my now husband.
And we were just wandering around the French Quarter. And we were in the back of the French
Quarter, which is real quiet, not Bourbon Street party time. I was showing him an old apartment I
used to live in, which this ex boyfriend I don't think knew about. But I spotted him. He was across
the street on the same street that we were on. And he was with another guy. And we shared quick eye
contact. We didn't acknowledge each other or anything like that.
From there, that was truly it.
I never saw him or heard from him again.
God, that's what makes these things
so complicated and maddening.
How is anyone to figure out which one will get over it
and which one's gonna escalate?
And you're dealing with something that's kind of illogical
and already doesn't make much sense.
And yeah, it must be so stressful trying to figure out
how serious is this threat?
How dangerous, yeah.
Yeah, how much danger am I in?
Yeah, I remember being very stressful at the time.
I'm happy to report there was no real lasting effects
from it, I'm happily married and I feel in good health now.
Yeah. Wow, what a story.
I hate how many women have these stories, I really hate it.
It's bonkers.
Now, when the show Nurse Jackie came out,
were you delighted or upset?
I don't really mind.
People say it all the time.
They're like, oh, Nurse Jackie.
And the funny part is, is right now,
one of the doctors I work with,
his name is Dr. Google.
Oh.
Oh, wow.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.
Someone has the last name Google?
Yeah, it's spelled differently, but pronounce Google.
Dr. Google and Nurse Jackie in one practice.
This sounds like a comedy sketch.
Ha ha ha ha. Well, thanks for sharing that. Dr. Google and Nurse Jackie in one practice. This sounds like a comedy sketch.
Well, thanks for sharing that.
Sorry to make you rehash it.
Well, that's okay.
I'm so happy to talk to you guys.
I truly hang on your every word.
I love all the shows.
Oh, thank you. That's very sweet.
We appreciate you.
Can I just give a quick shout out
to my fellow arm chairy, Heather.
Our whole tech thread is all arm chair stuff.
Heather, thanks for listening as well.
Thanks guys.
All right, nice meeting you, take care.
Thank you, bye.
What a sweetie pie.
Yeah.
I want her as a nurse.
Go ahead. That's so shitty.
It is.
You're just like in an innocent relationship in college
and it turns into this horror show.
Did someone trash my apartment?
Oh my God.
I mean, oh, they're not afraid of the law.
Exactly. Scary out there. I mean, oh, they're not afraid of the law. Exactly.
Scary as hell.
I'm trying to think of the grossest,
weirdest thing I've done in a breakup.
What have you done?
You know, slash tires and smash windshields.
You have?
No, no, no.
Oh my God.
I was my worst self when I got cheated on in 12th grade.
And didn't you do something bad?
Well, I tried to fight the boy who fucked her.
Had sex with her, be respectful.
They made love.
Oh dear, I'm gonna go to your house now.
It was really good.
It was gentle. It was really, really good.
Yeah, best love making ever alive.
Hello.
Hi Dex and Monica, how are you?
Nice to meet you, Chris.
You look like you could definitely be in Leonard Skinner.
Oh, thanks.
You got a real Skinner look and I love it.
Yeah, where are you?
I am an hour south of Louisville, Kentucky.
Ooh, nice.
I love how people from Louisville say Louisville.
Yeah, you like to say that.
Yeah.
I'm from Tacoma, Washington,
so I had to learn to say it right.
Oh, sure, sure, sure.
Okay, so you have a crazy ex, which is a bit of a relief, I gotta say, because we've talked to two women say it right. Oh, sure, sure. Okay, so you have a crazy ax,
which is a bit of a relief, I gotta say,
because we've talked to two women and it's just,
there's nothing. And they're horrific stories.
Yeah, they're horrific and these poor women are terrified.
So if we can hear from a terrified man,
that would help right the ship a little bit.
Great, cool.
So this takes place back near Tacoma,
Seattle area in Washington in 2008.
My senior year of high school,
I started dating a girl who I had known.
We went to junior high high school together.
She was on the high school cheer team, but she was also in theater.
Was she me?
Things are going great.
We started dating about halfway through senior year.
So when we start dating, she says, just so you know, I am saving myself for marriage.
Totally okay with that.
Already you're a much better guy than most.
You're totally okay with that, that's great.
Well, I wasn't stoked about it.
You loved her.
Yeah, you respected it.
Yeah, and other things were happening.
Graduation, we, at this point, were in love,
and she says, I want you to be my first time.
I was like, okay.
Well, I'm not ready to get married.
And she's like, no, no, no, I don't wanna wait anymore.
So we actually do have a couple legitimate conversations
about it. And then I end up taking her virginity. It's a pretty great summer. And I move into
an apartment with a couple friends and she just kind of starts coming around unannounced,
like she lives there. And my friends were like, hey, it's not really okay. So I had to talk with her and then over the course
of two or three months of fall and into winter,
she starts getting more clingy.
She starts inviting herself to guys days.
Like, hey, we're going skateboarding
or we're going up to Seattle to go see a movie.
And she's like, great, when are we leaving?
I'm like, no, this is a guys thing.
And she's like, yeah, but I'm coming with you guys.
And I'm like, no, that's not how it works.
It just progressively gets worse.
Her behavior becomes kind of erratic.
I feel really bad.
The first thing on my mind is I'm starting to fall out
of love with this girl,
because it's not the girl that I fell in love with.
She's acting differently.
And then of course I also do feel bad.
Like I did take this person's virginity
and that's very, very sacred to her.
You can't take that on.
You asked. So I ended up breaking up with her. You can't take that on. You asked.
So I end up breaking up with her. I do it not the best way. I don't text her but I
don't do it in person. I call her. Because I knew it's gonna be a huge thing so I
call her and I'm just like hey like this isn't working out. I love you but I'm
not in love with you and of course first thing out of her mouth is you're not
breaking up with me. You took my virginity. Oh fuck. Yeah Yeah. Like, oh, okay. Well, this is tricky.
I don't know what to do in this situation. I guess I'll see you tomorrow.
Guess you're right. I guess we're still together. I'm 18. I don't really know how to navigate these
kinds of situations. I am not an adult yet. So I basically end up just saying we can talk about
this, but like, I think I want to break up. And so a couple of days later, she comes over, it's a
Friday night and we're having a party
because we're 18.
So there are people in the house.
She's like, can we please go in your room and talk?
So we go into my bedroom and we start talking and she's like,
so what's this about wanting to take a break?
And I was like, no, I want to break up.
Yeah.
And then she just says like, no, I don't think you can do
that. Is that an option?
Then I'm like, I'm really sorry.
This does suck. This isn't
gonna work out. So she does some begging and pleading and I of course feel
horrible but just stand my ground and then she's got a few things in my room
so she gathers her things and she's obviously stomping around my room and
it's huffing and then she walks out of the room and slams the bedroom door and
then she opens the door back up and puts her hands on her hips
And she goes by the way, I'm pregnant stop
No, no, okay
So, okay, I'm gonna okay now I'm just gonna let this proceed so I didn't handle that well
And I at this point was like 98% sure she's lying right because she's angry
So I just do the dumb 18 year old boy thing of like, oh, okay, you're pregnant. I kind of make fun of her.
Oh boy.
Monica, I'm sorry.
I know it's not a good look.
Monica, I'm sorry.
She's worse off in this situation than you are.
Her behavior is worse.
What my egos allow me to remember
is this is the first mistake I make,
is poking at her in a very vulnerable moment,
even though you're using this lie as a weapon. Yeah
Yeah, she leaves she calls me a hundred times over like a week. I don't answer
She sends me a text and says I need you to meet me at store and I wanted to buy some pregnancy tests
And so I'm like, oh, okay now I'm kind of scared like okay, maybe she is serious, right?
Yeah, she comes over in the middle of the day and we have a couple that we're friends with that are there to mediate the tension and I'm like, I don't want to be alone with her.
We go in the bathroom and we take the test. It's negative.
Okay, we take a second and then a third one. They're all three negative and I'm like jumping for joy. I'm 18. I make $250 a week.
You're living with 12 dudes.
Yeah, clapping and I'm like, yes, this is awesome.
She's like in tears and I'm like,
this is a good thing.
We broke up, you're not pregnant.
And then she goes, well, I just thought
if I actually was pregnant that we could be together.
Yeah.
And I'm like, no, that's not how it works.
Right.
For one, this imaginary child that you lied about.
Oh my God.
We would have raised them separately.
I'm not gonna be with you regardless.
Right.
We would have raised them separately.
Yeah.
This conversation right now would be about
visitation rights, not about where we're going to buy a house.
So I was like, so you did lie about the pregnancy.
And she said, yes.
And then I'm like, okay, please gather your things and leave.
And I don't want to speak to you anymore.
So she leaves.
My friend and I have the decency to wait till she's out of the apartment to high five.
Yes.
And like, this is a huge relief.
Even though I knew it was a lie, just the idea that it's a possibility is terrifying.
She starts telling everybody that she miscarried and that that's why she wasn't pregnant.
So she's telling everyone in the friend group that like, oh like the stress of our breakup and blah, blah, blah.
No one believes her.
Thank God.
I don't look good in this situation,
even though I really haven't done anything wrong.
Right. Yeah, you haven't done anything wrong.
We don't talk.
It's the next summer.
So like nine months goes by,
I have some friends who rented a house in the lake
or partying, I go to bed early.
What do you do in the 2000s?
You take someone's phone and you make prank calls. Okay.
So I have not texted her, I've not called her.
She's not reached out to me.
One of the people they prank called in my phone was my ex.
So it's your buddies fucking with you.
They're like pranking people from your phone
or you're participating.
No, I'm asleep.
Yeah, okay, great.
They just sent her some texts
and said some things on voicemail.
She didn't answer the phone.
I had no idea that this had happened.
Two days later, there's a sheriff knocking at my door
to give me papers for a restraining order.
Oh my God.
Oh, Chris.
I have to go to a hearing and I have to explain,
like, this is what's going on.
I don't have to go to the hearing, but if I don't go,
she automatically gets the restraining order, I guess,
if I don't show up to defend myself.
I'm 19 now, this is how dumb I am. I think a restraining order is like a physical thing. Like I can't be in her physical realm.
So I text her and go like, what's the deal? Why did you get a restraining order against me? And
I've at this point, I figured out like what happened with the print calls, a restraining order,
there's zero contact. So I screw up not knowing that you can't text the person and be like,
can we be reasonable?
I thought it's like, you know,
if I go to a coffee shop and she's there, I have to leave.
Yeah, that's kind of-
I would have thought that probably.
Yeah.
So I get a fine.
I have to go to a court date now.
Because of the restraining order.
Yeah, cause I violated the restraining order.
So I have to go in front of a judge and say,
this is what happened.
And he's like, why would you text her?
And I'm like, I don't know.
You know, I'm a lawyer.
Yeah. I'm just like, sorry, know. You know, I'm a lawyer.
I'm just like, sorry, sir.
You're in your cleanest t-shirt.
Yeah, pretty much this skateboarding jeans that don't have holes in them. And he basically is just like, she's allowed to have this.
You could have gone to the hearing and fought this.
I understand your position because I had proof.
I got the phone company involved with call logs.
I mean, I told him the whole story.
I just told you guys, you can tell he's just sitting there going like, wow,
it's just something. Yeah. You got your he's just sitting there going like, wow, she's something.
Yeah.
Yeah, you got your hands full.
But you did violate a restraining order.
So you have to pay the court fee,
you have to pay the fine.
And this is like a strike one kind of thing
because I don't have a record.
And so I'm just like, wow,
I'm just like a creep who has a restraining order
from an ex-girlfriend, that sucks.
Yeah, I feel like that's on a questionnaire sometimes.
Like, have you ever had a restraining order
filed against you? It's not like being labeled a sex off sometimes, like if you ever had a restraining order filed against you.
It's not like being labeled a sex offender,
but it's not great.
It's not great.
Yeah, I mean, no lesson to be learned,
other than just, I guess,
maybe don't take people's virginity.
Monica's not gonna like that takeaway,
but I feel very confirmed in my fear.
There should be professionals.
There should be like sex workers.
There's singular businesses taking virginity.
Oh my God, that's the lesson here.
Let's start a new field of sex work.
I have never spoken to her since,
and the restraining order expired,
and we've moved on with our lives.
It's been over 15 years now,
and I married you an amazing woman who's like,
yeah, you've never shown me any of these signs.
Because I tell the story as kind of like a cocktail party,
like a, she had this crazy story I have.
Yeah.
I know this doesn't make me look good,
but it's a funny story, right?
Everyone's always like, yeah, you didn't do anything wrong.
Yeah.
Well, Chris, it's a damn delight to meet you.
Yeah.
Truly.
Thanks for chatting with us.
That was fun.
I'm sorry that happened.
Thank you both.
All right, take care, Chris.
Bye.
Bye bye.
I thought a baby was going to answer the call
when they pranked her.
Oh. It's been nine months. That's what you I thought a baby was gonna answer the call when they pranked her. Oh.
It's a nine month.
That's what you thought the big twist was.
And the baby answered and said,
Dada?
The baby knew his number.
I thought she was gonna threaten to hurt herself,
because that's pretty common.
I've had that.
I've had that too.
People are crazy.
People get really emotional and they act unpredictably.
No, people are crazy. People get really emotional and they act unpredictably. No, people are crazy.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay?
I guess the title is Crazy Acts.
Fuck with you.
People scare me.
["Dreams of a New World"]
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Because buried in the depths of the internet is The Kill List, a cache of chilling documents containing
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If we did an episode where we got to air one thing about one another that was really inconsequential but that we couldn't accept, would you know what yours would be?
Oh my god, that's such a big thing.
It is.
Lauren.
Hi.
Can you hear us? Yes, can you hear me?
Yes, I'm gonna take up two seconds of your time
because we're gonna have a real life thing
in front of you, okay?
Please.
So while it was ringing, I said to Monica,
let's do an episode where we both air
something about one another that's really inconsequential.
We shouldn't care, but we want the person to change that.
And then you answered.
Yeah, it's like he dropped this huge bomb.
He's obviously thinking about it.
Yep, because it just happened.
Why won't you put your phone on Do Not Disturb?
You know, it won't vibrate if you put it on Do Not Disturb.
And I hear it through all the interviews downstairs
and I hear it nonstop.
It was ringing off the hook yesterday
in our back to back interviews.
You could have asked nicely.
I have.
I have suggested Do Not Disturb many times.
You have never said,
hey, can you put your phone on Do Not Disturb, please?
It's your turn though.
No, I don't have one, sorry.
Yeah, well Monica, I'm not a Do Not Disturb girlie either.
Thank you.
Sorry, Dax, I'm gonna have to sigh.
Oh, I love this.
I love the way this went.
But Lauren, do you do a show that is audio-centric
where like audio is kind of important? In Dax's defense, Monica, I love this. I love the way this went. But Lauren, do you do a show that is audio-centric where like audio is kind of important?
In Dax's defense, Monica, I do not.
In my defense, do you know all the things you do
that have to be cut out that are audio?
Tell me.
Please.
Just the other day, he wanted us to hear
how close his truck was.
Yeah, thank you.
There you go.
But see, this is great and I'm open to it.
That's okay, tell me.
I can take it, we're best friends.
You know what it is, my great curiosity is,
do you know you can do that?
I do, but I don't want to.
What a great defense.
I want to know if something serious is happening.
I'm kind of scared of it.
Are you afraid you'll forget to turn it back onto focus?
Because I could remind you at the end of every episode.
No, thank you.
Okay.
Are you glad you got to be privy to this?
Cause this is what happens quite often.
I don't even have, oh yeah I do.
Of course, yeah I often see myself as the third party.
Love it.
Did you think you didn't have it?
Is that what you were just about to say?
Shut up.
Okay.
Oh my god.
Lauren, you have a very nice closet
and I'm seeing some kind of snake-skinny
platform things behind me that are exciting.
Oh yes, some snake-skin booties.
My closet, I'm not quite David Beckham level,
but I aspire to be.
And what I notice you're doing,
and I wonder, I wanna ask Monica if she does this too,
you have one shoe that points out,
and one shoe that points in, is that what you do too, Monica?
I do.
Should I be doing that?
Maybe not, only because sometimes I'm looking
for the color of the shoe that I need for the outfit,
but also the heel is very important as well.
Okay, that makes a lot of sense.
Yeah, am I going one inch, three inch, where are we at?
I also think it just looks cool.
Will you feel it's an invasive question
if I ask how tall you are?
No, not at all.
I am 5'3 on my best day.
That's lovely.
That's a good height. Minnie and Mighty. That's lovely. That's a good height.
Minnie and Mighty.
That's me.
Where are you at in the world?
I am from Muskogee, Oklahoma.
I'm coming to you from my closet.
Wait, isn't there an okey from Muskogee?
Isn't that a thing?
Yes, and it's so crazy that you bring that up
because we just unveiled a new Merle Haggard statue.
Downtown.
That's right, it's a Merle Haggard song. Oh wow.
An oakey from Muskogee.
Do you know that term, Monica?
I've heard it, yeah.
That's so good, an oakey from Muscogee.
Wow.
The big joke now is there's a dispensary
on every corner here, and so we do smoke weed in Muskogee.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
God bless those outlaws that were just
singing it from the roof.
You know, famously, do you know this, Monica?
Willie Nelson, when he was invited to the White House,
he went up on the roof and smoked a joint.
Oh, wow.
It's pretty cool, right?
That's cool. That is cool.
Who was the president?
Lincoln.
I would look it up on my phones on Do Not Disturb now.
I bet it was Carter.
That's gonna be my guess.
Maybe Rob will figure that out while we're talking.
You're right.
Is Carter? Hey, Rob.
Hello.
It's with his son Chip. Ah, he and right. Is Carter? Hey, Rob. Hello.
With his son Chip.
Ah, he and Chip banged a doobie up there
on the White House, that's great.
Carter was nice, he was a Georgia boy.
If there was anyone who would not be bummed
when they walked outside to see that weed smoking,
it'd be Carter.
I mean, we should ask him, bless him, he's still with us.
Yeah, exactly, you're right.
Oh, it's incredible.
It's really cool.
Okay, you got a story for us.
You have a crazy ex.
Yes, to give you some backstory,
this story starts with a teen pregnancy,
mine as all good stories do.
Okay.
So I had my son in high school,
the guy in this, I'm not going to say his name
just to preserve his anonymity.
This is my story from my perspective.
Things didn't work out with my son's dad, no big deal.
He's lovely, family's lovely, everything's fine.
A year after I have my son, we start to get serious with me
and I'll call him my fiance.
Not baby's daddy.
Not baby daddy, different guy.
A year after my son's born, me and my fiance,
we start getting serious.
He had just finished school, I'm finishing school.
He had moved about three hours away
from our hometown for work,
where subsequently my stepdad factors into this.
They did the same kind of work. They were there together.
Oil and gas?
Yeah. Ding, ding, ding. Sarah Paulson, just listened to her yesterday. The Dust Bowl,
Oklahoma.
Dingles, dingles, dingles.
So end of school, my last semester, I was lucky enough to get everything where it was
online and we had just gotten engaged that Christmas. And so I was like, I'm just going
to move there. There's no reason like I can do everything online. School was the only
reason why I hadn't moved to be with him already.
We've been together for years at that point.
My son's two or three.
Everything's great.
So I move out there.
It's a Friday night.
I'm getting dressed.
Monica, you'll know this.
This is 10 years ago.
I'm wearing my skinny jeans, my peplum top, my sock bun, ready for date night.
To the local Chili's, might I add.
Yeah, baby. I never got that Chili's and I'm still
upset about it. So he comes home from work, he jumps in the shower, you know, he knows
the thing is going to change. We're going to go to Chili's. All that's great. While
he's in the shower, the doorbell rings. So as I'm walking down the hallway, you can either
turn left to the front door or right to the living room. And through the windows of the
living room, I see three or four cops through the windows and I'm like okay I mean there's
an Air Force base nearby I'm like maybe they're just looking I don't know what's
going on you know I've only been in this town for a couple of months at this point
so I opened the front door to about five and so they instantly say please step
outside and so I'm like okay you know with no shoes on my peplum top and my
sock and they are like is anyone else in the home I'm like, okay, you know, with no shoes on, my peplum top and my sock. And they are like, is anyone else in the home? I'm like, yeah, my fiance,
he's just now getting out of the shower. And as I turn around and tell them that he's rounding
the corner, putting his shirt on, he's like, Hey guys, what's up? He's like, step outside.
Instantly they separate us where we can't see or hear each other. I'm with one older
cop and the other 12 cops are with him.
I'm like, you have to tell me what's going on.
Like, does this involve me?
What is the deal?
And he's like, I can't tell you anything.
And I keep badgering him.
And finally I'm like, can you just at least tell me
if this has anything to do with me?
And he says, at this point, I don't think so.
I'm racking my brain.
I have no idea.
Mind you, our wedding is a month away.
And so I'm like, what is going on? The dozen of cops and my fiance go stand by the mailbox. And there's a gray
truck that had been parked down the road, but I didn't think anything of it. Just thought
it was parked outside of a house. Well, about the time they do that, the guy pulls up, rolls
down his window, takes one look at him and said, yep, that's him. They cuff him, put him in the
police car, the gray gargoyles, and they leave. They cuff him, put him in the police car, the gray car goes and they leave.
They tell me nothing.
And I'm just standing there.
I'm thinking they had gotten in trouble
on their job site a couple of weeks before
burying trash or something silly.
So I'm like, maybe it has something to do with that.
Again, racking my brain.
And so I instantly call his brother,
which again, it's a Friday night.
I call him, he's at a party.
I'm like, I need you to leave.
We've got something going on.
I get him up to speed.
I'm like, if there's anything that you know,
I need you to tell me now.
He's just as clueless as I am.
Freaked out because a brother just got arrested.
So this is where my stepdad comes into play.
Again, he's the only person I know.
And so I call him, it's Friday.
He's already at the bar.
He's having a good time.
Friday, big day.
And a hard work in town
Yeah, man, long week long hours. And so I tell him and he's like, I don't know what's going on when I saw him
Everything was fine. But you know what? I'm at the bar come pick me up
Consequently, I'm friends with one of the bail bondsman that comes to jail and we can figure this out
So I go and pick him up and he's like they couldn't tell me they just told me where he was and that it's a thousand dollars
Bail that's mildly comforting. We're not talking murder.
That's kind of what I thought. It wasn't even just a thousand dollars bond, thousand dollar bail for the whole thing.
So I'm like, okay, get some cash out. We go to the jail.
I walk up there and of course no one's there because it's after hours.
They're at the bar and at Chili's too.
Exactly. And so I pick up the phone call and this lady answers, Hi, I'm here to pick up so
and so I have the money.
She's like, okay, great.
We'll send somebody up in just a minute.
You'll sign some paperwork.
We'll send him out.
I said, okay, ma'am, could you please tell me what the charges are or what's going on?
And she's like, no, I can't tell you that as he comes walking out again, me and my
stepdad in the car, he's then moved to the back seat because he is just Mr.
non confrontational.
He has no idea what's going on.
It has nothing to do with this whole situation.
So he said, LB, I'll tell you this,
please just don't ask him while I'm in the car.
Just take me home and then you can do it.
And I'm like, okay.
So we take him across town, take him to his house.
He gets out.
And then I'm just sitting there thinking
because of course, as soon as he's gone,
I want to just turn to him and be like, what is going on?
Like we're getting married in a month
and you're getting arrested.
But I just have this moment of like,
these past few hours have been so crazy and hard for me.
And I'm not even the one that went to jail.
So I'm gonna give him a second.
He's probably so scared, felt so unsafe.
Give him a second to just let it sink in.
You're an angel.
Yeah, that's so empathetic and kind.
The hours, it wasn't as heightened.
And so we get home, he goes to get out of the door
and I instantly press the button to lock the doors.
I'm like, no way, I can't go into this home with you
and just go to bed like nothing has happened
until I know what's going on.
That's when he lowers his head and breaks down and tells
me that for the past year or so, intermittently, not every day on his way home from work, he had
been exposing himself to strangers on the street. And the guy in the gray truck, my fiance had done
it on the way home from work that day, the guy in the gray truck, his daughter was in the back seat.
He followed him home, called the cops.
And so that's why he was like, yup, that's him.
Oh my God.
Lauren, what a plot twist.
I don't know why this might be unfair to people with this condition, but when I
think of these flashers and the trend, I can't wrap my head around.
If I'm filling in the blanks,
I'm assuming that person's the weirdest motherfucker
and I would be able to detect that.
And that's what everyone always says,
looking back, were there any signs?
No, I was about to marry this man
and be with him for the rest of my life.
Everything was great, I had no idea.
I am very shocked he admitted to all that,
to be honest with you.
I'm surprised he didn't go like,
this person pissed me off, and I'm like,
I'm gonna show him my dick.
That's pretty wild, he came clean like that.
I think it was because, turns out,
they had been looking for him
because he had been doing it for so long.
And of course, people had gotten his tag number and stuff,
but were not from there.
The address and stuff wasn't leading them to anywhere local.
So turns out there were six felony counts
of indecent exposure.
And God knows, I mean, cause thinking back now,
if I saw it, I was just like, oh, and keep going, you know,
and of course tell all my friends
that this crazy story that happened,
I'm not gonna think to call and report it.
So who knows how many times it actually happened.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, what were your follow-up questions?
You must've just been dumbfounded.
Also, they let him out for that that quickly?
That's weird.
They can't hold you.
If they said a bail, they said a court.
No, I'm saying I'm surprised the bail was set
for so low for six felony accounts.
He had signed a statement while he was there
admitting guilt and remorse for all of it.
Of course, I had a ton of follow-up questions. Why? When? What? Was the reaction ever good?
I've read that. What they're after is they like the look on the person's face.
The shock.
Did he say that?
Yeah, he said it was never good and that's what his goal was.
Oh my God. I have so many questions.
Ultimately, he was sentenced and he went to prison for a few years? Oh my God. I have so many questions. Ultimately, he was sentenced
and he went to prison for a few years.
And the last time I have talked to him,
seen him face to face, I guess,
was through the glass on the phone at the jail,
like you would imagine.
And this was 10 years ago.
Did you, by the way, I would not be judgmental.
In fact, maybe I'd even admire this about you
because you could go like, yeah, you need to go get punished,
but also you could have compassion for him.
I don't want that condition.
That's exactly where my head was.
It made me feel bad that we were close enough
to actually be married and that he felt that,
number one, he couldn't tell anyone,
but certainly that he couldn't tell me
and think that I wouldn't want to work through this
or fix it because now it's a little...
Too late. I mean, again, I have my son fix it because now it's a little too late.
I mean, again, I have my son.
I mean, he's a sex offender.
To be with him, I would have to get married to him like that.
I could not see that for myself.
I didn't want that for myself.
And I like to think that he didn't want that for me either.
Yeah.
This could be potentially really heartbreaking, Lauren.
Like if I was so in love with someone
and I found out they had this thing,
that would not be easy.
It's not like I go like, oh great.
So now I don't feel all the ways I've always felt about them.
Looking back, there were never any signs, but it did just cast a shadow on certain
things.
And I mean, I was 22 at the time.
You already had a three year old.
I mean, you had a lot going on.
It's so much on your plate.
This is terrible.
And I helped him as much as I could, but I kind of had to say.
Too much for me.
I gotta go home. Yeah. This is terrible and I helped him as much as I could, but I kinda had to say. Too much for me.
I gotta go home.
Yeah, you have a bad break.
But just from friends of friends,
I've heard that he's since then remarried
and he seems like he's doing fine and doing great.
Keeping his pants on.
Maybe hopefully in therapy.
Let's hope.
And about a year after all of that happened,
I had moved home, started working,
and actually me and my son's dad,
we rekindled about a year after,
and we've been together ever since.
Oh my God, I love it!
Wow, I didn't see that.
Delightful ending coming our way.
It's a great ending.
Kind of like a blessing in disguise for me at least.
Also you caught it just in time.
Yeah, I mean, Monica, I had to call all the venues,
cancel the cake, I had my huge dress hung up,
ready to wear.
Oh my God.
It was insane.
Although, I will say, normally when you have to call
off a wedding, you have to go like,
yeah I just decided I was,
I didn't want to be with them forever.
But this is so clean, it's like,
turns out he's a flasher.
But that is also, you have to tell people,
and you probably are conflicted,
I feel bad for him, and now I have to tell
all these people he knows.
He'd be so embarrassed that everyone knows.
Being from a small town,
everyone knew we were getting married
and then everyone knew we broke up,
but no one knew why.
So I mean, maybe someone will hear this
and they'll be like, okay, I get it, I get it.
Wow.
And you also protected him from not telling everyone. That's very kind. In the end, all get it, I get it. Wow. And you also protected him from not telling everyone.
That's very kind.
In the end, all worked out,
but yeah, that was a crazy time.
I told this story one time at a bachelorette party,
we were staying in a cabin in the middle of nowhere
and the power went out because it was a rainstorm.
They were like, let's tell ghost stories.
And I didn't really know all these girls.
And I was like, circle up, let me tell you, I got one.
I got a ghost.
Circle up.
Wow. Pull up a chair, circle up. Let me tell you, I got one. I got a ghost. Wow.
Pull up a chair, gals.
That was wild.
I really, really hope he's doing okay.
From what I hear, I think the system worked in the way that it is ideally
supposed to, and he got the help that he needed and I can only hope that moving
forward he learned his lesson and has gotten over that cause I can't imagine.
I just might feel more in love with them
than I actually was because I wasn't allowed
to be with them for a reason that was out of my control.
Like I feel like it's just right for that.
I think that made it easier for me not to be kind of
vindictive and do things that I probably would have regretted.
So I am thankful for that.
And he is such a nice, I mean, I was going to marry him.
He's a great guy and I truly hope that all of that got fixed,
but I'm just was ultimately sad that he was in that place
that he felt like he couldn't disclose to anyone.
That is one of the things our society doesn't really
have an outlet for people to go say like,
hey, I have these feelings or I'm doing this
and I don't really wanna be doing it, but I'm doing it.
Where can anyone go to do that?
And then it perpetuates the problem.
It's not good.
Let's add that to the list of things to fix.
Okay, add it to the list, Ron.
Well, Monica, add it to the list of your questions
to ask any potential suitors.
Have you ever thought about- Yeah, oh my God.
Showing your penis to strangers ever,
just a little bit, just once or twice.
Well, Lauren, thank you for telling us that.
And thanks for mediating our conflict at the beginning.
And your story was so good, now we're feeling good.
Yeah, and me too.
Well, no.
I was hoping that the uplifting end
would put a nice little bow on it.
All right, well, be well.
Thank you so much.
Yeah, thank you so much.
I hope you guys have a good rest of your day.
All right, take care.
Oh my God, that Gail is so positive.
Don't you think maybe do not disturb is not such a big deal Hope you guys have a good rest of your day. All right, take care. Oh my God, that Gail is so positive.
Don't you think maybe do not disturb
is not such a big deal in light of what people
are doing out there?
My God.
I said part of my question was something insignificant
you shouldn't care about.
So I owned how trivial this is.
But you do care.
Well yeah, because it distracts me. I get worried the guest is like, who's ringing this? I'm gonna answer that. But you do care. Well yeah, because it distracts me.
I get worried the guest is like,
who's ringing this, I'm gonna answer that.
They don't care.
They don't care.
No one cares except you.
Wow, that was wild.
That was wild.
We got kind of every variety of that.
I wonder if I loved someone that much.
I wonder what I would stick around for.
And that's like a scary thing to say out loud,
but I really could see sticking around
for stuff I shouldn't.
Well, no, no, I think the rule is pretty clear.
It's would you stick around as they tackled this problem?
I have to really love them though,
because I'm kind of quick to be like,
I can't be here for that.
That's fair.
You would never stick with someone
who's not gonna address it,
but if you love someone
and they're gonna work their ass off on this thing,
I think you would stick around for that.
Oof, yikes.
Also, if you saw the look on someone you love's face
of the shame when they told you,
I do think it would be very powerful.
Yeah, yikes. Again, it's all how they say it, if do think it would be very powerful.
Again, it's all how they say it,
if they get defensive and denying, no.
But if someone just has that moment where they come clean
and they're full of shame, I think the best part of us
would want to help that person figure it out.
Yeah, but also, I mean, it depends on your,
because she is a kid, you gotta be so.
Oh, well, that made it very easy, yes, I agree. Wow. All right, well, I mean, it depends on your, because she has a kid, like you gotta be so. Oh, well that made it very easy, yes.
I agree.
Wow.
All right, well. Anyway.
I love you. Love you.
Do not disturb.
Pfft.
Focus.
Ha ha ha.
Do you wanna sing a tune or something?
We know a theme song.
Oh.
Okay, great.
We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go.
We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of Armchairy's we'll get some suggestions.
On the flyer, rhyme-dish. On the flyer, rhyme-dish. Enjoy.
Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. Rhyme dish, enjoy.