Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Armchair Anonymous: Dental Disaster

Episode Date: November 21, 2025

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about a dental disaster.Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Shepard and I'm joined by Monica Rogers. Hi. This is the worst episode that we've ever recorded for me. In your opinion.

For me, we finally found the thing that I was very squeamish about. Yeah. Shockingly so. My knees were quaking. A lot of people, I think, have mouth fear. Yes. This is dental disasters. And most of my nightmares I've had, I got to hear people have lived. Yeah. This is rough.

But they're great. Don't listen. No, listen. Do not listen to this. If you're a tough guy, like Monica, then you can listen. You were warned. Please enjoy dental disasters. Bingo!

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I'm John Robbins and on my podcast I sit down with incredible people to ask the very simple question, how do you cope? From confronting grief and mental health struggles to finding strength and failure, every episode is a raw and honest exploration of what it means to be human. It's not always easy, but it's always real. Whether you're looking for inspiration, comfort or just a reminder that you're not alone in life's messier moments, join me on how do you cope. Follow now wherever you get your podcasts or listen to episodes early and add free on Wondery Plus. How Do You Cope is brought to you by Audible, who make it easy to embark on a wellness journey that fits your life with thousands of audiobooks, guided meditations and motivational series.

I had a more, I remember one thing, you got to know, I'm going to keep on shining. Hi, is this Christy? Yeah, me. Where are you? I know, I didn't give you much to go awful. You do have a beautiful baby picture behind you. It's actually a blanket, but it is my daughter's photo. But I'm in Reading, California.

And how's the dental work up there in Reading? Do you have a lot of good options for dental work? What's funny is I worked in dentistry for eight years. So I do keep a good eye out for a good dentist. I did find one. Okay, so walk us through your disaster. Now I'm wondering if you witnessed one. I didn't even consider that.

Same. This is one of those like police ones where we don't know what angle we're going to get. What side of the equation? Sadly, it's me. So it was February of 2022. We actually had just moved to Redding about six months prior to that. My brother lives here. My mom ended up moving out here and so did my in-laws.

But at the time, it was just my brother's family and we were new to Redding. My dad was in town visiting because February is a very big month in our family for birthdays. So this one happened to be my niece, which is about the third one down the line in February. And my daughter's birthday, who's now nine, but was turning six, is two days after my niece on Sunday, which is important to the story. We are going over. We're all doing a big old family birthday party at my brother's house. We walk in and my brother has three older kids. He's got three boys who at the time were 17, 15, and 13.

Dangerous. Yes. Yes. That's a lot of boys. There's fire. There's blood. Yes. Today was virtual reality goggles that they had just bought.

And so they're all trying it out. They had a few friends over as well. And they're having a ball. When we arrive, they're showing my dad. He's got the goggles on and they're showing him how to do all the things. And they're doing something where he's like flying like Superman over New York City. Can I interrupt you for one second? Because our friend Eric just introduced us to this.

He had read recently that one of the parts of your brain, atrophies the most as you get older is your ability to maintain your balance while your eyes are closed. So he's been making all of us. And if you're older, try this. You stand on one leg with your eyes closed. And if you get to 30 seconds, that's a huge win if you're older. Does that play a role in this story? Not for my dad. No. Oh, okay. Sorry. What a waste of time detour. Well, it was a good teaching moment. It's a good tip, though. Yeah. So my dad's had enough because they had him try something. He's deathly afront of heights. And it was way too real for him. And so he's like, I can't do this anymore, guys, hands the goggles over to my husband, who is back at being

like a 12 or 13 year old with these goggles on. My nephews are like, you need to try this plank game. You go up 40 stories in this building, and then you got to walk out on a plank and then just jump up. Oh, no. That sounds horrible. So he tries it and he was like, oh, my God, that feels so real. He's like, babe, you're not afraid of heights. You've got to try this. I see my three nephews looking at me and smirking and I was like, well, I'm not going to be out done by the boys. I did go skydiving for my 25th birthday, so I was like, I'm not going to be played up here. I was like, yes, let's do it. So put on the goggles. My 15-year-old nephew sets me up. He's like, stand right here, which is literally right in front of the couch. The TV, the entertainment center

is about maybe six feet in front of me. Put on the goggles, and immediately you're in this elevator, it shoots you up, 40 stories, and then the elevator opens, and there's no more building. It's just like this plank. It's 40 stories up in New York City skyscraper. So you can hear like all the cabs honking and city noise and all this stuff. It's really strange. You almost feel like you can even feel like wind blowing. Yeah, your brain's filling in everything. I immediately start to feel anxious. And then I start talking myself down where I'm like, I'm in my brother's living room. You're standing on a rug. Just walk. Of course, I hear family in the background going, come on, walk. And at this point, it's my entire family that's there. There's a good 10 people watching me do this.

I start walking down to the plank. I get to the end of the plank. And I asked my nephew, I was like, so now what? He's like, jump. And there's buildings like in front of. of you. So I said, jump to the next building. He's like, no, just jump. I'm like, I'm not jumping to anything. Yeah, like what's the point? Being like such an adult about this. Instead of just hopping off the end of the plank, I decide I'm all in. I'm going to do a big old leap off this plank. I jump as high as I think I can to jump off this plank, not realizing that instead of jumping up, I've jumped out. Oh. Okay. Yeah, I could see that being tricky. So I jump forward and all goes dark for 30 seconds.

The next thing I know is that my mouth is open. It's like on the edge of the entertainment table thing. You landed mouth first on the entertainment center. I feel a tooth on my tongue. This is a rough prompt. I don't know why we did this. There's pictures that you can see. Can't wait and I'm terrified.

My brain takes a second. I just stand there. It is dead silent. I can feel blood in my mouth. I cover in my mouth. and I walk straight to the bathroom. I close the door to assess the situation. I open my mouth and one of my teeth is basically touching my tongue.

All my teeth are still connected to my gums. Okay. From what I can see, it looks like my forefront teeth are like kind of just bent down. Oh. This is 50% of the nightmares I've had in my life. Because I think because I had so much orthodontia, it's my teeth are fucking pushed back in my mouth. I'm like, oh, no. The people watching are just seeing a human.

stand and then jump into a table. Dive tea first into it. Yes. Yes. My very first thought was I cannot miss my six-year-old's birthday party on Sunday. I'm hosting a birthday party on Sunday two days from now. Second thought is, I guess I'm getting implants, but what does that look like this weekend? My mind just started going through like the different steps of the dentistry.

So I walk out of the bathroom, still cupping my mouth so I don't freak out my daughter and my niece and probably the adults as well. And so I just sit down. Everybody's kind of circled around me. My husband comes up. My sister-in-law is on the phone with urgent care to see if we should go to an urgent care or an ER. They tell her, send her to an ER. We take off.

I haven't said a word. I'm not crying. I'm not in any pain, which is, in my opinion, very bizarre, but it must be the shock. We get over to the ER. I can't speak at all. My husband has to take the lead. I'm sitting here filling out paperwork

while he's talking to like the intake nurse. She's trying to like make sense of what he's saying. She kind of wants to laugh. a little bit, and they've never dealt with any of this. The story's getting around, because you can see staff is, like, peeking out to, like, try to get a look at me. First thing they do is take me back for a CT scan to see if I fractured or broken any of my jaw or nose or anything of that nature.

I broke and fractured nothing. Your teeth really absorbed all the shock. The other thought that I had was my brother had just bought this new table, and it was, like, recycled mango waters. It was, like, super duper fancy. I even said to my brother before I left, I was like, I'm sorry, I ruined your. table because my teeth marks are on it, which there's a picture of that as well. Like, you can see where my teeth are. Oh, wow. Yeah, I'd argue that you up the value of it.

Yeah. That thing has a story now. Hey, did you check out the teeth marks in that reclaimed wood? They finally take me back. The emergency room doctor comes and looks at me and he's having a hard time trying to keep a straight face because he's never dealt with this and doesn't know what to do. He's not a dentist. I was going to ask you that. It never occurred to me what you do with dental emergencies because it's not like there's a dental emergency room and they don't have dentists on staff. No. You try to save the teeth. as best you can. They tell you like if the tooth completely falls out, put it in a couple milk immediately. Okay. So they can try and put it back in its place. His teeth tend to come back. But in my situation, since they hadn't totally fallen out, first he was like, do we have any dental cement anywhere in the ER? They literally had one tube that they were able to go and

took the nurse like 15 minutes to track it down. He's never used dental cement in his life. He doesn't know how it works or what to do with it. So he said, I'm really sorry, but this might hurt a lot. I'm going to have to push all your teeth back into place as best as I can. And then I'm going to splint it with the dental cement. And it wasn't like he could numb me. He doesn't have local anesthetic. They gave me some Tylenol. Guys, many morphine. I'm still not feeling any pain like not even a throbbing or anything. It was really strange. So he pushes my teeth back in. It wasn't painful. It was a lot of pressure. He makes a mess of the dental cement. He basically coated my teeth front and back however he could to just make sure.

they just stayed together until I'm able to get to a dentist. He does the best he can. Sends me on my way. There's no follow-up appointment or anything. Now it's up to the dentists. Go home that night. Nothing else I could really do. My husband and I are watching a show,

but he's like in complete shock and kind of going through some trauma. He goes, you just don't understand. We all watched you dive in to this head first. Everybody was just like mouth open, like in shock. My dad's still traumatized to this day. Oh, yeah, your dad. You were on the birthday party. Yeah.

Since we were new to town, I hadn't established a dentist yet. happened to call the dentist that I had an appointment for a few weeks later to see if she could fit me in as an emergency, told her what was going on, got a call back within like 10 minutes, off to the dentist I go. She and her husband, who happens to be her dental assistant, taking my x-rays, and she's like, good news, none of your teeth are fractured or cracked. I was like, I thought for sure I'm getting implants. She's like, nope, as of now it looks like I can push them further back into place.

The ER doctor did a pretty decent job. She's like, this dental cement's going to be fun trying to get off of your teeth. Scrapey. She was able to push them all back in. She then splinted it behind the teeth, made it pretty. And then she's like, next step is orthodontist because you're going to have to hold them back in place. So good news was I did get to attend my daughter's birthday party the following day. Nobody knew what had happened.

My smile looked normal. Went to the orthodontist a couple days later. I then got fitted for braces, which I then had to wear for the next 10 months. Oh, my God. This is a mess. Sounds like a fun game. I got to get this game. Just make sure it's a big open area.

Yes. Pautionary. A loony bend, like the padded cell. A hundred percent. Probably for a good four or five months, even with the braces on. I couldn't like bite into a piece of pizza. I had to like tear stuff off and chew with my back teeth because they just didn't feel firm and in place. Yeah.

And even now, if I forget to wear my retainer one night, I, I can feel my teeth shifting. And then literally that week, my nephews all sold their VR goggles because they were all so traumatized and they're like, I will never again put these things on my head. Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah, that's a cautionary. Can we look at the photos now?

Is it a good time? Yes. Okay. Okay. Now, brace yourself. Brace yourself. Oh. It was a horrible.

Let's get you looking at that one. That's a big tooth hanging out. It's covered in blood. Yeah. Oh, boy. Okay. This is after the fact. looks good. This looks good. I like that. That's a healthy recovery. Okay. Oh, yeah. That's the same. Oh, God. Okay. You kind of underplayed

the teeth marks on the new entertainment center. It looks like Puma. Oh, my God. Try to take a bite out of it. The way that I felt, I must have scraped it and that's what pushed back. It was the best way to, I guess, have this injury if it was going to happen because I didn't break or lose anything. I'm shocked. That's a really good attitude. That's my nightmare right there. All right. So, It's just no VR goggles for you. No. Probably going to stay away from that. Oh, Chrissy.

Well, I got to say your teeth looks spectacular right now. Yeah, they do. No idea that you teeth dove into a piece of wood. Thankfully, here in Redding, I found a great dentist and orthodontist, so we're good there. Perfect. That's good. Well, thank you for sharing that trauma. Thank you, Christy.

That was terrible. Really great to meet you guys. Then have a great rest of your day. All right. Thanks. Take care. I just keep looking at this table. Uh-huh.

Imagine he just. I keep thinking of the scene in America History, X. That is a tough scene. Amanda? Hi. Hi. How are you? I'm good.

How about you? Good. Is there pressure to go by Mandy? Not as much as you would think. I go by MK sometime. Oh, I love that. MK. Ultra.

Or Olson, take your pick. There you go. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Does Amanda ever go by Amy? No. I feel like there's a very specific.

Amanda, that's Amanda. And I don't think I'm that, Amanda. It's making me wonder if my cousin Mandy's real name is Amanda. I'm sure it is. I wonder. You don't even know. I don't even know because I've only ever called her Mandy. Well, then maybe it's not. Maybe that's just her name. Mani McGoldrick, alliteration. Oh, I love a little. M&M. But I like MK. MK's great. Where are you at, Amanda? I'm in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. A great place, wholesome place, salt to earth place. Been here all my life. Oh, lovely. Not to insult you, but that's, That's not been terribly long. That's fair.

Well, I'm 32. You are. You look like a baby. Yeah, that's a compliment. I wish I could live long enough to have a follow-up when you're 80, because I bet when you're 80, you're going to look about 45. Maybe you will. But when she's 80, Moni, I would be 102.

Yeah. Okay. All right. We'll schedule it. Put her on the cow. Looking forward to it. Okay, Amanda, you have a dental disaster story? I do, yeah.

So this story takes place in 2019. I was 25 at the time. So imagine this face, but a little younger. I was working spring weekends at a summer camp in Pennsylvania, Big Lake, canoeing, archery. But one of the activities that we ran during that time was the Zipline, and that's where this story takes place. A lot of great stories start with the zip line.

So when you run the zip line, there are three jobs that staff have to do. My friend Andy's job was to belay the kids up a tree so that they could go down the zip line. My friend Carla's job was to be at the time. of the tree and send the kids down the zip line. And then my job was to catch the kids after they fly on the zip line and get them back on the ground. So I was on the ground. I also was responsible for running the pulley and rope that took the kid down the zip line back to the beginning of the

zip line. So that particular day, zip line was running business as usual for a while. But then Carla, who again was at the top of the tree, she lost her grip on the pulley in between kids and she sent the equipment down with nobody attached. So this happens sometimes and it's not really a big deal when it does, but it is a pain in the butt for staff because when a kid goes down the zip line, kind of like you were talking about physics and their weight will take them back to a point in the zip line where I can reach them from the ground and unclipped them. With no kid attached, the pulley and rope would get stuck at a point in the zip line that's just too high to reach from the ground. Right, right. So usually when that happens, you would have to get a big stick to get

the pulley back to where you could reach it. And ultimately, some kids would miss out on zip lining because of the time that it would take to get that equipment back to the beginning of the line. So there is a workaround to that issue, and it's to jump and catch the pulley at the sweet spot where you can reach it from the ground. So the pulley zooming down the zip line, my friend Carly yells at me, hey, grab it. So without thinking, I ran and I jumped. And when I did, I tripped in my boots and I fell forward. Oh, oh. It happened so fast that I wasn't able to catch myself properly, and I landed face first. And my upper lip took the brunt of the fall. and I remember hearing a crunching noise.

Oh, can you tell me what the surface you were on was, just like kind of dirt, earth? It was rocks. Oh, my God. No, no, no, no, no, no. Ugh. Hey, basketball fans, Steve Nash here. Ready to elevate your basketball IQ. I'm teaming up with LeBron James to bring you the latest season of Mind the Game.

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It's Mel Robbins. I'm popping in here, taking out my own ad. Holy cow. Dax, Monica and I, I don't want this conversation to end, and I'm so glad you're here with us. And the other thing, I can't believe Dax loves the Let Them Theory.

He can't stop talking about it. I hope you're loving listening as much as I love having you here. And I also know, since you love listening to Armchair Expert, you know what you're going to love listening to? The Let Them Theory audiobook. and guess who reads it? Me.

And even if you've read the book, guess what? The audiobook is different. I tell different stories. I riff, I cry. You're going to love it because it's going to feel like I'm right there next to you. We're in this together as we learn to stop controlling other people. So thanks again for listening to this episode of Armchair Expert and check out the audiobook version of the Let Them Theory read by yours truly.

Available now on Audible. You can even try it out for free with an Audible trial. Download the Audible app today. But you didn't fall into the apparatus, just into the ground. Just straight to the ground, yeah. An injury that happened near a zipline, but not a zipline injury. Okay. This is sometimes how ziplines get a bad name.

It's like other injuries are happening. Nearby. The body will really betray us. It will. You just trip and fall on your face. Like, it's so embarrassing. My upper lip took the brunt of this fall. that I went through.

I'm seeing that you've sent a picture, which scares me. I see it sitting. I'm not looking at it. It's turned over. I'm going to look at it. Oh, I shouldn't look yet. Okay. So getting up, I was convinced that I had knocked all of my teeth out.

I held my hand in front of my mouth just in case I could catch some of the teeth because I had blood dripping from my mouth into my open hand. And as you might have guessed, the zip line was over for that day. Shut it down. You ruined it. All my fault. Everyone very quickly realized I wasn't okay. My friend Jack was running rifles from the other side of camp, and he was called to run me over to urgent care.

So we left camp, and when we got to urgent care, urgent care immediately said, just go to the hospital. What was your reaction? Because mine would be embarrassment. And so I would be tempted to hide my crying. I probably wouldn't allow myself to cry, but what was your reaction? Were you screaming and crying, or were you acting like nothing happened? I very clearly remember being asked while I was still on the ground. Are you okay?

And I had to think about it for a second. and ultimately went, no. Oh, good. I'm glad you said no. You weren't. So the camp is in a pretty rural area. The closest hospital was able to give me some pain meds and a tetanus shot, which I remember being very impressed by the fact that I did not feel the tetanus shot at all

because of the pain meds. And then they decided to send me in an ambulance to a more well-equipped hospital in Pittsburgh. It wasn't enough of an emergency to have the lights on, but I do now get to say that I've ridden in an ambulance. So that's kind of cool. At the new hospital, they told me that I had managed to break the bone. above my top front teeth. So somehow I didn't break my nose.

Your maxilla? Yeah, exactly. Oh, it's this here? Yeah, right here. Oh, ow. Oof. Yeah, so somehow didn't lose any teeth when I fell. The picture that I sent you guys is a picture of the x-ray.

Oh, the x-ray. Let me see. Okay, let me check this out. So they fixed me up with some ugly yellow temporary braces that I had to wear for the whole summer to fix the broken bone. The original intention was that I was going to work that summer at that camp. But I ended up not being able to because it was just a little too broken. I eventually had to get root canals on my two front teeth.

I couldn't eat anything with the front of my mouth. So things like mozzarella sticks and sandwiches, I ate with a fork the whole summer. Oh, my God. Cut them up real tiny. All I wanted was a taco the whole summer. Yeah, yeah. So you can't have something. You really want it.

Are you still afraid to eat corn on the cob? Actually, no. I have told dentists after the accident. I said, hey, a little sensitive in the front. And they were like, but you got root canals. It shouldn't be sensitive in the front. And I was like, emotionally, something like I think. Yeah, yeah, spiritually and emotionally.

What could they do for that broken bone? You can't put a cast on your maxill. You just got to kind of strap those teeth together and make them do the work. Right. I was a first year teacher at the time. So I had to take a whole week off of work. Super embarrassing coming back with those big ugly bracelets. But I did and went through the rest of May and June.

Amanda, you would get a good boy award if you were. around more because you're a teacher and a camp counselor and you had yellow braces. This is a lot of good boy stuff. You'll get the Jimmy Kimmel Best Boy. Yeah, best boy. That's what I mean to say. Thank you. Also, since I was working when I got hurt, I didn't have to pay a penny for any of my medical

cost. Oh, that's great. That was probably a price of ambulance ride. And all these root canals. The one last thing that I wanted to mention specifically to you, Monica, is the hospital that I went to is actually the hospital that the show The Pit is based off of. Oh, my God. Really?

Yeah. So every time I watch the show, I think about the time that I broke my face and how I could totally be on the show. Oh, they should write you in season three. Was your doctor a stone cold fox? I wish. No, Noah Wiley. Oh, my God. That's so exciting.

That's worth it. Was it as chaotic in there as the show depicts? Actually, yes. They had me on a bed in a hallway for a period of time. I was like, this is just like the shows. They said it's extremely realistic. Watching the show, I'm like, if I should. showed up to that emergency room. I think I might go. I'd rather die. No. Yeah, just take me outside.

I think I'd rather die than be in here. No, not of Noah Wiley's there. You got to wait hours before you see him. And he's in his hoodie. Yeah, he loves his hoodie. Dirty, filthy hoodie. That's cool. I love that tidbit. She was right. All that talk about the pit. I finally watched it. She's right. Yay. I'm so happy to hear. This is the first time you said that way. I wish you would have told me the entire series is just real time. That's such a cool part of it. Yeah, it's a huge part of it. It's the whole part, really. It is the whole part. You go like, oh, my God. Yeah, they fucking deal with so much shit in one hour. I know. Well, Amanda, I feel very lucky I got to meet you. You're very, very sweet and I'm happier in the audience. You too. This was very cool. I listened to Armchair Anonymous when I clean. So, hello to future me, mop and her floor.

Oh, yes. I love that. Shout out to yourself. Yeah. I am still friends with everyone who was working the zip line that day, including my friend Carla, who dropped the rope. But she, me to your podcast. Is it okay if she stops in to say hi? Of course. Let's get her in here. I'm going to give her my headphones. Yeah. She really fucked up. Hi. Nice to meet you. You really fucked up. Oh, I really did. I dropped the rope. It was a big time. It was all my fault. I still have a lot of guilt about it. My only saving grace is that I blame the rocks. Yeah. And can I ask you a question, Carla, why aren't you on a sitcom? That's a great question. I've been wondering that my entire life, I was truly destined to be on a sitcom.

I mean, time's not up. No. You could still do it. I'm available if anybody wants to put me on a sitcom. She didn't mention that I was also her boss and had been for years. She might have a lawsuit there. She's a best boy, so she's not going to sue. She won a best boy award today.

She won lots of awards. Well, nice meeting both of you. Thank you so much. We love the show so much. Oh, thank you. All right. Bye. Bye.

Fun. She really is a mean. immediately funny. I guess email us, Warner Brothers. Yeah, we'll connect you. All right, Amy. Let's ask her if it's short for Amanda. You never know.

That's weird that there's an Amy right now. That's Simmy. Hello. I'm dying to know why it's weird that there's another Amy. Okay. Oh, good. We were going to tell you anyways, because we interviewed an Amanda and Monica thought that perhaps Amy was a shortened version. of a man that I didn't think so, but you're Amy, so this is wonderful.

You can clear this up. I don't think so. Maybe there's one, though, so I shouldn't say that. There's got to be one. I think you have better question. It's like, is there even a long form of Amy? I don't think so, is there? No.

And I used to feel very ripped off that I only got three letters. I just felt like that was not enough. I guess, Dax, you can really. I'm opposite to you because I couldn't spell shit. I'm lazy. I don't want to write for a long time. So I was like, God bless. If I could get it down to two letters, that would be ideal.

What's cool about Amy is it's three letters, but two syllables. You do get that little bonus. It's true. And top of the alphabet. Amy, where are you? I'm in Ontario, in Canada. In London? I am in London.

Yeah. Where we went through our McDonald's bag out the window. You've probably heard me say that before. Yes, I have. Home of Rachel McAdams. Any other famous alumni? We have some Olympians. I guess I would consider them famous.

Hockey players. From London. Maybe hockey players. Clearly I'm not up on the sports. I was going to reference that my husband is from Windsor, so big, like, Detroit sports fans, but then I was scared that you'd ask me to talk about Detroit sports. I would never.

But we had a great armchair anonymous story from London about the guy on the skateboard beating up the person, and she had to go testify, and then she was a meet cute. As we're listening to that episode, I was texting my friend Lauren, who got me into armchair, and we were like, we know exactly what bar that happened at. We've all done that walk home, and I'm like, yeah, it is the most believable story I've ever heard. Right. At least shocking story you could hear to come out of London. Okay, so you have a dental disaster story.

This happened last year. So actually, I just recently had the memories of some pictures that I'd sent and some texts that had popped up a year ago. But I think I'm very common in saying this, but I have a big fear of the dentist. Severe dental anxiety. My hands are like a bit sweaty right now thinking about, oh, my God, I have to think about being at the dentist. From when I was a kid, I feel like I was kind of gaslit into thinking that my mouth was frozen. It was not during a tooth extraction. So since then, I'm like, I don't trust you.

I'm going to go for cleaning, and that is it. Fortunately, I do have a new dentist in London, so things have been going pretty good with them. I go to the office, they have TVs on the ceiling, so I can watch like a nature documentary. I've watched a Taylor Swift documentary. And what about getting the gas? A lot of places will give you the gas just for a cleaning.

Oh, yeah, we get the gas. Okay, great. Yeah, if you have a lot of anxiety about the dentist. That is definitely part of the story is the gas for an appointment. So I put my AirPods in. I have noise cancelling on. I'm basically like, I'm going to lay here. wish for this to be over. And you just push me a little bit when I'm done. You're going to

disassociate. You're like, I'm going to go to another place. I'm not here. So my dentist does offer laughing gas. So if anyone has not had laughing gas, it basically is like a mass thing that goes over your nose kind of is uncomfortable. You're breathing in a continuous mix of laughing gas and oxygen for most of your appointment. And I get it for a cleaning because I also hate cleanings. I want to feel like I just drank a bottle of wine or I smoked a joint. You kind of like melt into the chair. It's lovely. Why aren't we allowed to just like have that? Oh, I used to do it recreationally. Really? Yeah, you could go to this after hours bar in Detroit and they had laughing gas balloons. This appointment that I was talking about last year was not a cleaning though. It was actually an

appointment to get a crown. So I was eating one of those hard suckers that have the gum in the middle and I cracked my tooth. Right when it happened, I was like, I don't actually care about the tooth. I care about the dentist visits that are going to happen because of this stupid sucker. The appointment for the crown is a three-hour appointment. So a lot of dentists' offices will have two appointments. The first appointment, they kind of like shave your tooth down. They measure the crown, then you go on your way, and then you come back and get the crown fitted. My dentist, we're doing it all at once.

We're going to shave your tooth down, measure it, basically 3D print it while you're in the office. That's probably not the technical term, but that is how it was kind of described to me. So I knew that I was going into three-hour appointments. So my K, AirPods, charge, wake up, I have my kind of work from home breakfast, which is ramen noodles, like three cups of coffee, very healthy breakfast, start my day. Empty carbs and three cups of coffee. Yes, perfect.

I'm like 2,000 milligrams of a year. It is important to note that my hair is naturally very curly, like ringlet tight curls. I have it down that day because, you know, laying down ponytail. It's super annoying. I get dropped off because I knew I might not be feeling great after, so I'd want to get a ride after.

So I get to my dentist appointment, and I feel like it's starting off pretty normal. What was a little weird is I had to remind, them that I wanted laughing gas. They can accommodate me so that's all good. So I get down and I'm laying on the chair. They kind of fit that nose thing over. I'm immediately inhaling it as if I'm like,

that's the proctogen because I'm like, how quick can it relax? Then they fit me for a dental dam, which I need immediately pause about how unfortunate the name dental dam is because it also just shares the name with an STI prevention for oral sex. It was not that.

And why are they calling it? I don't know why they also have the same name because when I tell that story, they're like, why is your dentist fitting you for oral sex prevention? It's not comforting. This is like a blue sheet, goes over your face, your tooth is isolated. So imagine I'm laying down. My nose is covered from the laughing gas.

My face is fully covered from the dental dam. Close my eyes, headphones on, getting through it, still trying to take as deep a breath as possible. And then the next thing I know, I pass out just in the chair. No notice. I've never fainted in my life. I didn't know what that feeling was. And I wake up and I am projectile.

vomiting everywhere all over. And if you can imagine, I have a dental dam on. No. If you cannot come forward, it is flying out of the sides of my mouth. I'm laying down. It's in my ears. It's in my hair. It's horrible.

Noodles and coffee. Oh, no. Yes, visible noodles. Why aren't they getting you up? So they're trying to tell me up, and it's one of those chairs that they're like, it's never as fast as you want it to be. They're taking things out of my mouth, and they're like, did you know you were going to pass out? Did you eat today?

And I'm like, I clearly ate today. It is all over you. I can see a noodle on your shoulder. I can see a noodle over there. You know those suction tools at the dentist that suck up like blood and spit? They are actually not made for noodles. No, it's not going to work. You're going to clog that in a second.

So I clogged it in a second exactly as predicted. And I didn't just clog it from my treatment room, but the machine clogged for the whole office. Yeah, it's got a central vacuum attached. to it. So the reason I know it clogged for the whole office is because what I did not mention is my dentist office is open concept. Oh no. Wait, first of all, no.

You walk in, there's a reception desk, and then imagine like a central eye. island, almost like a room divider, but with separate all coves coming off of that divider, no doors. It's fully open. Why? That's a bad idea. So if like a kid is crying, someone's screaming, you hear it. If someone is throwing up. No wonder you have anxiety there. It's like getting dental surgery in the middle of the wall. Yes. Everyone is immediately like their suction has stopped. You know, what is going on? They're smelling puke. I'm still covered in the puke. So that machine is like getting dealt with while my dentist is talking to me.

about, you know, you're not supposed to eat before laughing gas, but because I had forgot to mention that I wanted it, they did not call me the day before to say, don't eat. Comedy of errors. I get up, like, you're kind of stumbling after laughing gas. I have to do a mini walk of shame to the bathroom past all these open rooms. Go in the bathroom, I have my shirt off. I wore a white t-shirt that day, which is so lovely. Washing it in the sink.

I'm like washing my noodle hair in the sink, which is literally the same texture as the ramen noodles when I'm trying to wash out. Oh, ringlets and ringlets. I am furiously texting my fiancé being like, you need to bring me a t-shirt. I cannot sit in this. But I'm just being like, I just have to rinse off. Go out there, get my shit and go home.

So I go out there and my dentist reminds me that you can't leave because we have to finish your crown appointment. The crown has started curing. It's not like a go home and come back later. It's sit for an hour and a half rest of your appointment. No. Well, he had a lot of stick to it now. Send me home with the crown and I'll figure out how to it.

I do it myself. Please, I'm begging you. I have to get out of here. And they're probably now nervous to give you the gas again? I rejected the gas. I'm kind of like looking around for my AirPods being like, oh, my God, I just have to like white knuckle get through this. Can't find them. Of course, while laying back, the AirPods covered in puke, fell out onto the ground in the puke. They got scooped in the garbage. So now I'm digging through my own puke. Oh, boy. Fishing out my AirPods so I can listen to my emo playlist. This is the grossest trip to the tent and stuff.

It is so horrible. AirPods are wiped off. I'm like, I don't care about my clothes today. They're getting wiped off. My fiancé has texted me saying, I can't leave work until I'm ready to pick you up. So, so sorry. See you when I see. I'll bring a towel.

The theme of this story should have been suck it up. Like, the dentist is like, suck it up. Also, the sucking of the thing. Yeah, the fiancé is like, suck it up. So I can't get off work. So, yes, I basically just sat through the rest of my appointment, paid and got in the car. And then, yeah, had to drive with the windows down the whole time for the rest of the drive. And I have not had laughing gas since.

Wow. This is also a good cautionary tale, though. Do not eat before laughing gas. I didn't know that. Have you never had it, Monica? So at my Botox person, it's called something, but whatever. Anesthetician? They have it there.

You like suck on it with your mouth. And I'm not good at it. I keep trying to do it and I'm not really inhaling it right or doing it. You got really suck on it. I know, I'm not doing a good job. So, no, I've never had it. And then when you're super high in ass, if you can feel it, you say it, no. I'm good.

No, I didn't even know you turned it on yet, to be honest. Oh, my God. Okay, that's not good advice. I don't want anyone to assume you don't ever. Yeah, don't do that. Always be honest. See, do you feel it? You say yes.

I did not feel it. So I guess it would have been fine. We're so obvious. I mean, isn't that the most quintessential example of how different we are? Like, you're not even feeling it, but you're not asking for more. I'm feeling it. I'm like, guys, where is it? Yeah, exactly.

I think it's also like maybe someone doesn't need three hours of laughing gas. Yeah, that's true. Like my previous appointments were like 30 minutes. This was an hour and a half of like, nature sucks. I kind of feel like they fucked up a little bit. They should have been monitoring a little bit, like how much lashing gas is being concerned. I don't want to blame them because I want people to have easy access. I blame myself. I probably could have had a better breakfast. Could have gone somewhere that had doors also. I mean, you might as well just eat in like a

notebook of paper. I have been back to the dentist. They obviously very respectful. Did not say anything, but, you know, the second I left, they're like, what the fuck? To deal with. that suction device, can they reverse the direction of the air and blow out all this shit that got sucked in? I hate this. And that's just shooting noodles everywhere.

Ewe. Cautionary tale, near death experience, all of it. That was delightful Amy. I really like that. Because most people we talked to them and get their teeth knocked out and I hate that. That's what I thought and I did truthfully read the prompt as dentist disasters. So

a friend was like, I don't know if dentist is the same as dental. And then I was like, I read this wrong. No, listen, everyone needs to play it fast and loose. If you've got a good story that's even adjacent to the prompt, I can submit it. Also, you wouldn't have been picked if it wasn't good. That's a great way to look at it. We are two for two for Londonites telling us great stories.

Keep them coming, Londoners. It's been a while since I've thrown the trash out the window there. I've got to make a mental note to do that. Yeah, since it's been too long. I can't wait. I'll keep an eye out for it. Thanks for chatting with us. Yeah, lovely meeting you.

Thanks so much. Lovely meeting you both. All right, take care. Bye. Bye. Let's talk to your friend. Yeah, Elizabeth is joining us. Elizabeth.

Elizabeth. Elizabeth. Hi, guys. I forgot that this was happening until I saw your name on the sheet today. I was going to text you. I'll see you, but I don't know if that was going through back channels that weren't allowed. You're a good rule follower. I would have been like, well, that violets.

how this works, Monica. We can no longer do it ethically. The only thing that sex about this, Elizabeth, is normally I'd ask where you're at. I know where you're at. You're like three miles down the road. Yeah. I'd go, oh, Elizabeth, do you go by Betsy?

I know you don't go by Betsy. No. I was thinking, because Monica's obviously listened to the podcast, she might have heard some dental stuff. I've shared a story. I had this dentist who pressed his dick against my arm every time I went in.

Oh, my. Was he wearing scrubs? No, he was wearing slacks. Oh, trousers. And I continued to go to him for years because he did great work. And it was just the price of entry. Sometimes you have to make hard choices. Did you determine it was accidental or intentional?

Because my hunch is if it was intentional, it would get hard. Well, that's interesting. And now I'm feeling a little self-conscious. Don't do that to Elizabeth. She's going to feel not cute. No, no, no. But if your kink is like, oh, I love rubbing my dick on people's arms, clearly he would become aroused.

Now I'm acting as his lawyer in the defense case. I'm like, well, my client's penis never became a wreck. So how can you claim this is his pink? How do we know it didn't, though? It might have. I'd like to think it did, and he just was dealing with some blood pressure issues. Of course. Wait, you guys, I'm so sorry, but my audio recording for quick time.

You're supposed to be a professional. I know. You are a professional. But luckily, it's sounding so good on our end that it'll be fine. It's probably Andy's fault. Yeah, let's blame Andy. Why aren't you in the studio? Because Andy's in there working hard on best.

Oh. Oh, shit. Couldn't take the time. Hold on. That was all orchestrated, and it was done seamlessly. Why aren't you in the studio? Oh, because Andy's, why is he using it? Because Best Dead, which comes out on October 30th.

Okay, dental. It's going to top the guy rubbing his dick on your arm. This is much, much more sinister. Oh, okay, okay. No, I'm just kidding. So I was about seven or eight years old. I lived at the time in East Bay, San Francisco. I moved pretty soon after this.

to St. Louis, so that plays a part in the mystery that surrounds this lore. I was at a slumber party, and it was the first one with a lot of girls who I didn't know. That's pretty young for a slumber party. You have kids. I have kids. We don't actually do them because in part of this and some other stuff that happens. We don't need to get into that. But they're called something now, right? What is that thing? Where you go and you come home? A sleep under. I had a vibe there. First of all, I was like, oh, these people are rich because they had two stories in their house, and I didn't even know that was a possibility. We were in the downstairs area, and it was a bunch of girls I didn't know, and I was feeling very insecure. And it was time to go to sleep, and we all

lined up our sleeping bags around a pool table. Oh, so is the rec room. They are obviously what you have that. They have enough square footage for a rec room. I was like, are we in clue right now with the billiard room? Was it wood panel? I'm sure there was wood paneling. It was definitely that vibe. I'm out of my element. I go to sleep and there was also some sort of mean girl stuff going on and I was just like, I just want to get home, but I'm going to tough it out. And I wake up in the middle of the night with warm goo on my face and a mom screaming at me, but I can't hear her. Then the lights go on and I realize the goo on my face is blood. And I start trying to talk and I'm like crunching something. And I realize in my mind, I had bit a pool ball, but it was actually my four front

teeth were shattered because a pool ball in the middle of the night had jumped the lip of the pool table somehow and landed on my nose and mouth. Because some kids were playing with the pool balls? That's the mystery. Or there's a poultry guy. I am my own theory about this. I am welcoming all theories because I never found out what happened. By the way, my parents had me in orthodontia. I have a picture of me in a headgear at Disneyland when I was six. They had worked really hard on these puppies. You have great teeth. Thank you. You do. They didn't fix the nose, but the teeth I got fixed and I remembered my dentist was a classmate's dad. So that's kind of one line I could have if I really ever decided to look into this. But no one knows what happened.

Why, in the middle of the night, a pool ball landed squarely on the middle of my little face. Now, it could be a ghost. No, wait, hold on. I got to add something. This is my issue with the story. Why is the mom waking you up and aware that this all happened? You're not screaming. I think I was in pain without knowing.

Okay. So I'm like, she just happened to be looking at you when this happened. Then I'm like, then the mom did it. Right. Munchausen? Yes, psycho. She was like this little bitch. Yeah, she was mean to my daughter.

Can you imagine, though, having a sleepover and waking up and some kid has their face smashed from your billiards table? No, I'm like, okay, we just lost the house. For sure. This family's suing, and they're going to win. But you know, my theory is that there was likely a pet in that house, most likely a cat. Oh, my God. This is the one. You guys, I can't be...

You can spend the rest of your life trying to train a cat to pick up a pool ball and you would fail. Not pick up. They just were scurring across the pool table. They knocked it over.

Yeah, they knocked it. It fell over the lip. Did they have a lot of cats, Elizabeth? I don't recall any felines there, but that's not crazier than like a ghost. Oh, what? It's adjacent, though. I know you're very pro-cats,

and this is a hard conversation to have. Well, that's what I think is funny as you just map on whatever thing you're afraid of. You're like, well, it was definitely a dog or a cat. Or a ghost. It was a cat, but it was a lion. That's what I'm afraid of. And I'm like, the mom didn't like my look or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. But it probably was a little sociopaths kid who, in the middle of the night, and I'd like to think that she didn't really realize the damage that would happen and thought a pool ball was softer. Yeah. And just dropped it on your face to see what happened. Or through it or something? I think they might have been a horse and around. You know, when you're a kid.

You're playing pool with your hand. You're just trying to get it in the, you're pushing it too hard, and then they pop off the table. That's the most generous explanation as it was a game injury. Girls being girls. Girls being girls. Cats being cats being cats. It's really haunted me because I can't white in my teeth

because those four teeth just stay the stained color that they are, unless I want to redo all of them. So it's been such a burden. Wait, why? Okay, so you wake up, you're covered in blood. And then how do we treat this? They put, it's not veneers, but it's a crown type thing on these four teeth. Bonding, kind of?

I think it is bonding. Oh, bonding is not very sturdy. I've had it twice and it falls off. Yeah, it's like patching a hole in a wall with the plaster repair. So you go in there and they just kind of shape willy-nilly with that stuff. Yes. Honestly, Benji's dad did a great job because they lasted a very long time. And then it's just every 10 years or so, I got to go in and have them popped back on.

If you had incidents where you bite into something and half your front teeth crack off? Yes. And so now you know why I was willing to put up with what I'm going to call a semi-hard dick pressing up against my arm. Oh, yeah. A chub, we would call it. I'm fully committed. I need a specialty dental experience. But your teeth are very, very white.

We were just talking about white teeth earlier today. And actually, I thought in my head, Elizabeth has white teeth. I noticed it a lot. That is so nice. No, yeah, you have beautiful teeth. You'd have no idea that you were assaulted with a pool ball at a sleepover. But because you're so game. And I like this rivulet of conversation.

So you felt that Dennis's penis on your arm a bunch of times. Do you ever feel in a massage someone's growing on your elbow? I have never. And I'm like, you're like, where is it? Yeah. I feel like that's the place. What happened? Well, you've been for real assaulted.

I have. Thank you for bringing it. Monica. Sorry. You've been on one really extreme end. So maybe the dentist felt like, oh, I just wanted you to remember that. Thanks, Monica. Oh, wow.

We are sorry that that happened to you with the pool ball. Well, this has been delightful. This is a little taste of the beautiful chemistry you'll hear on Beth's dead if you're not already consuming it. That's right. I have a friend who I sent the preview link to. She's in. You got her. The feedback has been so awesome.

Hopefully everyone checks it out. Have you begun yacht shopping yet? I might get a second story someday. A rec room. Oh, a wreck room. The dream. Stinky. People smoke cigars in rec rooms.

There are always stories coming out of rec rooms. Maybe we could do a whole prompt. Rec room. Rec room stories. I feel like that gal that was humping her teddy bear to the movie was in a rec room. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Most first sexual experiences in the Midwest take place in a rec room.

Or a wood paneled basement as well. In the south, too. That's where all the good times go. All right, we could do this all day. We love you. Love you guys. Thank you so much. This is so fun.

Bye. Bye. Bye. What a delight. She should go into podcasting. She should have been podcasting for 10 years. 20. No.

Not 20, but totally lame was when I moved to. 15 years. Fitting years. Fitting. All right. That was fun. I want to go out with a saying that my father said to every child he ever met, be true to your teeth, and they won't be false to you. Do you want to sing a tune or something?

We don't have a theme song. Oh. Okay, great. We don't have a song for this new show. So here I go, go, go. We're going to ask some random questions. And with the help of our Jerry's book, it's unstop. Just to

I'm a flyer rhyme dish I'm a flyer rhyme dish enjoy Follow armchair expert on the Wondry app Amazon music or wherever you get your podcasts You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app

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