Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Armchair Anonymous: Holiday Nightmare II

Episode Date: December 20, 2024

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about a nightmare holiday experience.Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple podcasts. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Buck Rogers and I'm joined by Monica Lightyear. What would the holidays be without crazy holiday stories on Armchair Anonymous?

People got them. They got them. They're gonna keep coming. These are great. Hopefully they'll get you in the mood. Let me just quickly glance and make sure no animals have died prematurely. No, that's fine.

Yeah, I think we're good here. We're good. Yeah, going to the Holiday Strong with crazy holiday stories. The Grinch is back again to ruin your Christmas season with Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast. Listen as his celebrity guests try to persuade the Grinch is back again to ruin your Christmas season with Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast. Listen as his celebrity guests try to persuade The Grinch that there's more to love about the holiday season.

Follow Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Come and go, good times, take them slow. My life, I had them both. But one thing you gotta know, I'ma keep on shining. Hi. Hi Tracy, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you both as well. Well, thanks for taking my story. When you guys started Armchair Anonymous,

I was like, man, I got a story. Oh, I'm so excited. You knew one day. So this is a Christmas story that happened about 20 years ago on Christmas Eve. Okay, 2004. Yeah, so our children at the time, Daniel, he would have been about 13 and Abby would have been about eight.

Hold on a second. You do not look nearly old enough to have had a 13 year old in 2004. I will be 56 tomorrow. Nice! Oh my Lord. Also happy birthday. Thank you.

Also you're looking very foxy. Yeah, you're aging very gracefully. I'm having about 100 hot flashes now because I'm a bit nervous. Yeah, you're aging very gracefully. I'm having about a hundred hot flashes now because I'm a bit nervous. Okay, that's all right. As the mom, the head shopper, my goal every Christmas when the kids were younger was to really have a great day. And it's not just about gifts, but a lot of it is about the gifts.

They never hurt. It's a big deal. Yeah. And it's is about the gifts. They never hurt. It's a big deal. Yeah. And it's not about the quantity. It's just about making sure that they're getting what they put on their Santa list. So I'm in sales and at Christmas time, I'm super busy. So I always try to get everything done before we get into December. And I think it was like December 3rd, I hauled everything out and was going through everything.

And we have to have the same amount per kid. The Christmas spirit is happening in that bedroom as well, as you get my drift here. So I'm making everything fits in the stockings appropriately and I'm making lists. Okay, Abby's done. Daniel needs a couple of things and it's getting late 12.30.

So I tie everything up to make sure that I know where it is. And went down two flights of stairs and we have this crawl space that no one goes in because we're frightened to death of the crawl space. Nothing's scarier than a crawl space. Oh yeah, it's terrible. I threw them down over the stairs and I went, oh, no one's going down here tomorrow.

I'll put it in the crawl space when the kids go to school. So let's go ahead to Christmas Eve that year, and we're having a great day visiting family, and I'm having some wine. Sean's driving, mom is partaking. Fantastic. Nothing serious, just having a couple of drinks, and we said, okay, it's time to go home and get the kids straight away,

and read our stories, and do our traditions. Myself and my husband Sean, we sit on the couch and it's actually a unbelievably beautiful evening. The snowflakes are coming down. We're just getting ready to have a cocktail. Oh, this is the dream. This is not the norm. Usually it's just a gong show and I'm a stress bag.

Does everything okay? I got to cook a turkey tomorrow. Was that out? He looked at me and said, you are doing so good. I said, I know. This is great. So it's getting late. It's about 10-ish. And I said, let's get everything organized for under the tree so that's done and then we can just relax for an hour before we go to bed. He said, all right, I'm going downstairs and getting everything. So I'm looking out the window and life is perfect. And I'm just so happy with my family. And I could hear him open up the crawl space.

Then I heard him close the crawl space. Then he opened the other crawl space. And when he opened the second crawl space and closed it, and he went over to the third one, I just kind of like, parked up. Yeah, yeah. And he called out, he said, Trace, where are the gifts? I was like, they're in the same place they always are.

And I started to go downstairs and at that point, tent is thrown out, Coleman stoves, every piece of hockey equipment Daniel owned, every old toy that the kids had from growing up that you just throw in the back of that, things are going everywhere. And I'm like, what the actual is going on here? I said, it's right there.

I know, no one opens this door. The kids don't look there because they're terrified of it. He's in the other crawl space. Then he's out in the garage, and the garage door is opening and closing. We're not giving into the panic, but it's just on the surface. And we start to go back to the night

that I did all the gifts. And we realized when I threw them down into the panic, but it's just on the surface. And we start to go back to the night that I did all the gifts. And we realized when I threw them down over the stairs, the next day was garbage day. Oh, no. So now it is 11pm.m. on Christmas Eve, and I'm just like, oh my God, what's open, what's open? What are we gonna do, what are we gonna do? And at that point, he actually started to cry. And I was like, oh no, no, no, no, no.

I need you. I get to cry. Yeah. He needs to be strong. He was like, I threw them out, and I said, well, I threw them down over the stairs. Oh. I'm thinking I have to get up in the morning. Holy shit. And tell those two little children,

one who is the big believer of the Christmas spirit, that their parents are idiots and there is no Santa. And we chucked all your presents. We had gotten you all the stuff you wanted. Yeah. Oh my God. Listen, and people have really bad shit going on in their lives. I'm going to tell you,

this was the worst feeling I had in my life up to that point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a bit of a hangover starting on top of it. I got a headache. I'm crying. Sean's freaking out. We're just like, we are the worst parents. And then Abby wakes up and goes,

what's going on? My Santa's here and you guys are awake. And I'm like, just go back to sleep. And there's no cell phone, so I'm not texting my girlfriend and going, help. It's getting late. I called my mom. My mom had just been recently retired.

So she would like tinker around in stores and at little gift shops and secondhand stores. She said, okay, I'm on my way. And she brought this box. I mean, I looked in and there was comics from 1982. Oh my God. Oh, okay, that'll do. Shop sister and husband and two kids were living overseas in Qatar

and they were home for Christmas and she's really super organized. So I knew she'd have some stuff in a tickle trunk somewhere. She said, I got some goodies, we're gonna come over. I was getting so late and we took all the stuff they had and started poking it in stockings and unwrapping stuff. And there was gifts that Sean's family, they live in Calgary, they sent to us

and I started unwrapping those things, could we use some of this? Desperate times. Yeah. So now it's two o'clock in the morning. I am a broken, destroyed human. You've wrapped up a bunch of bullshit. We just go to bed, Sean goes, I don't know, this is going to be bad. I'm like, we're idiots.

A couple hours later, Abby wakes up and she's super excited. She has no idea what's going on. And she goes into Daniel's room and gets him up. The rules are, you're not allowed to go downstairs. Mom and dad have to go down, get the video camera going. Like it's the old fashioned video camera, there's no phones. Me and Sean aren't even speaking to each other. We're just looking around going, this is so bad.

Come downstairs and they start going through their stuff. And because Daniel, I still had to get him a couple of things. He did okay. He liked the 10 year old comic books. Yeah. These are vintage. Sean's sister Trudy had a camera with an SD card. That was a gift he wanted.

And at the time, this is when brand names like Nike and West 49, the skateboard clothes was getting, and it was expensive. He had asked for this specific sweatshirt, wasn't there. Anyway, Abby's going through her stocking. She's this little eight-year-old girl that the spirit of Christmas is alive and well inside of her, and she's digging her hands into everything. Everything she takes out,

she looks at it with this little look on her face like what did Santa bring me and then smile lays it down and she goes for everything. She takes out the comic books, covers off it. I'm like how did I put that one in there? 1979 I'm sure and she's just like, oh, wow. I am just shell shocked. back again to ruin your Christmas season with his The Grinch holiday podcast. After last year, he's learned a thing or two about hosting and he's ready to rant against Christmas cheer and roast his celebrity guests like chestnuts on an open fire. You can listen with the whole family as guest stars like Jon Hamm, Brittany Broski, and Danny DeVito try to persuade the mean old Grinch that there's a lot to love about the insufferable holiday season.

But that's not all. Somebody stole all the Children of Whoville's letters to Santa, and everybody thinks the Grinch is responsible. It's a real Whoville whodunit. Can Cindy, Lou, and Max help clear the Grinch's name? Grab your hot cocoa and cozy slippers to find out. Follow Tis the Grinch Holiday Podcast on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. Unlock weekly Christmas mystery bonus content and listen to every episode ad free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app, Spotify or Apple podcasts. Behind the closed doors of government offices and military compounds, there are hidden stories and buried secrets from the darkest corners of history. From covert experiments pushing the boundaries of science to operations so secretive they

were barely whispered about. Each week on redacted, declassified mysteries, we pull back the curtain on these hidden histories, 100% true and verifiable stories that expose the shadowy underbelly of power. Consider Operation Paperclip, where former Nazi scientists were brought to America after World War II, not as prisoners, but as assets to advance U.S. intelligence during the Cold War. These aren't just old conspiracy theories. They're thoroughly investigated accounts that reveal the uncomfortable truths still

shaping our world today. The stories are real. The secrets are shocking. Follow redacted, declassified mysteries with me, Luke Lamanna, on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. To listen ad-free, join Wondery Plus in the Wondery app. They say Hollywood is where dreams are made.

A seductive city where many flock to get rich, be adored and capture America's heart. But when the spotlight turns off, fame, fortune, and lives can disappear in an instant. When TV producer Roy Raden was found dead in a canyon near LA in 1983, there were many questions surrounding his death. The last person seen with him was Laney Jacobs, a seductive cocaine dealer who desperately wanted to be part of the Hollywood elite. Together, they were trying to break into the movie industry. But things took a dark turn when a million dollars worth of cocaine and

cash went missing. From Wondery comes a new season of the hit show Hollywood and Crime, The Cotton Club Murder. Follow Hollywood and Crime, The Cotton Club Murder. Follow Hollywood and Crime, The Cotton Club Murder on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of The Cotton Club Murder early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus. ["Wonderful Music"] At the bottom of the stocking, she hauls out this little clear cylinder package and it's

all filled with gold, like gold chains. I don't know what it is. She goes, mommy, what is this? I said, let's just open this up. So we open up. I don't know what it is. As it opens up, it unfolds into like a Cleopatra costume headdress.

Oh, fun. That's great. It's like a chain mail hat. Absolutely. So I put it on her little face. Some of her teeth are adult teeth, some are little baby teeth. She's got this weird old crooked smile.

She puts this thing on, it goes over one eye and she looks at me and she goes, mommy, you know, my princess and I remember thinking that sweet little child does not care. Yeah, she doesn't know her, yeah. She likes that she was thought of by Santa, yeah. And I just remember looking at her and my heart just soared and I went, baby, it is

beautiful. You are Santa's little princess. This is gorgeous. And just thinking, oh my goodness, did we pull this? Anyway, I took Daniel aside. He was older. And I said, buddy, I am so sorry. He said, mom, I got everything I wanted.

This is great. And we kind of just went, oh my goodness, we pulled this off. Daniel knew, but he kind of just parked it in his memory. And quite a few years later, I've said to the kids, do you not remember that crazy Christmas? And they were no, no idea. That's kind of, that's informative. Maybe we put too much effort into it. Just wrap shit up, dump it under the tree.

It was the worst feeling ever. I thought I'm gonna get up in the morning and tell that sweet little eight year old that there's no Santa. And that crushed me. Okay, I think this is what I would have done. I would have written a note from Santa and it would have said something along the lines

of Santa couldn't make it everywhere this year, and so he's coming back in a couple days. Oh, okay. All right. And in the meantime, the elves dropped off some trinkets, but the real presents are coming in a couple days because he got in over his head. Okay, so you drove sand under the bus. Of course.

Yeah, okay, that's what he's there for. We ended up, once everything opened up, we took the kids shopping. Let them pick out what they wanted. Shopping spree. Have fun. Yes, people get cancer diagnoses, those are worse, but when you have just spent this much time

getting the gifts, then wrapping them, then putting them perfectly in the thing, there's a lot that's going wrong at once. You've wasted all that gifts, then wrapping them, then putting them perfectly. There's a lot that's going wrong at once. You've wasted all that time, all that money, and then you have Christmas morning coming. So there's a lot there to be frustrated with. Third option, I would've just gone cash. Okay, Santa brought cash this year.

He wanted you to know you're old enough to go shopping, like made a whole thing about that. Just been like in a pinch. But you also want them to be opening the stuff. We'll wrap each bill individually. Yes, yes. Tracy, where in Canada are you? You have the most specific accent and I'm so curious.

St. John's, Newfoundland. I had a weird hunch. Cause it's almost got a hint of Scottish in it, doesn't it Monica? Yeah, it's great. Maybe Irish sometimes. Yeah, I love that. Beautiful all we can, maybe Irish sometimes. Yeah. Yeah, I love it.

Beautiful island on the east coast of the country. And home to the cutest dogs ever. Oh yes, the Newfoundland dog, they're big. Big boys. Wow, that was fantastic. Yes, thank you, Tracy, and sorry that you guys went through that. I love that the perfect buzz with the snowflakes

turned immediately to a hangover. That's kind of my favorite part, because I know that the perfect buzz with the snowflakes turned immediately to a hangover. That's kind of my favorite part, because I know that moment. Oh, my head almost blew off my shoulders. When the kids were young, I used to always try to have Christmas day at the house, didn't want to disrupt them from their stuff. So my family would come over.

So my older sister, my younger sister, we're all like little big glam queens. And they showed up like just superstars. I'm still in an old t-shirt that scared down my face. And they're like, what the heck is going on with you? I said, you're never going to believe what happened. This is the worst day ever. Well, not the worst day.

This was just the worst situation. We threw out Christmas. Every year for about 10 years after that, at 4.30, I would run and just look for the gifts. Just get my eyes on them. Because I knew that everything's closing in about an hour. If they're gone, I can high tail it to a Walmart or to a store and just buy something.

Double safety check. It's a good cautionary tale story as well for people. Sure, do a few check-ins with those gifts leading up. Well Tracy, that was a delightful story. Thank you so much for telling us. Oh, thank you for having me. Can I get my husband to come in and say hello? Sure, of course.

He's the guy that helped me throw out the gifts. Uh-huh, hello Sean. In my defense, they were in green garbage bags. That's fair, how would you have known? You were being a very nice gentleman and taking the trash out, this is not on you. It's not on Tracy, but it is on Tracy. No, That's fair. How would you have known? You were being a very nice gentleman and taking the trash out. This is not on you. It's not on Tracy, but it is on Tracy.

No, it's not. My girlfriends were trying to blame him. I said, no, I threw those down the stairs and should have tucked them away. The green garbage bag at the time was the downfall of that evening. That's pretty cool. It's been a fun story for a long, long time.

Well, it's lovely meeting both of you. Yeah, thanks. Yes, have a great holiday. You as well. Thanks so much, guys. All right, bye-bye. Yeah, they have like almost Irish accents. The dad did too.

All right, let's talk to Lori. Hi, is this Lori? This is Lori. Hi, Dax, Monica, nice to meet you. Are you in your office? I am. And what's your university poster I see? That is Ohio University in Athens, Ohio.

So I'm a proud graduate of OU. Currently I'm living outside of Cincinnati. In Ohio still, not in Kentucky. I actually do live in Northern Kentucky, but I work in Cincinnati right across the river. So I have a very nice view of the Cincinnati skyline. Oh, beautiful. And that's the home of Josh Hutcherson.

Do you know that actor? He's a Northern Kentucky boy. Yes, he is. Okay, so you have a crazy holiday story. I do have a crazy holiday story. This happened in Cincinnati as well in 2008, 2009. Some history on me. I had lost my mom about two years prior to that,

very young, she was 52. And I was going through a lot of grieving, probably self-medicating with food and alcohol. Just letting myself go a little bit. So I decided to join a gym. And gym's kind of entamendated me a little bit. So I chose a place, I won't name any names, but it's known primarily for focusing on being for women only. They were primarily targeted to older crowd. I mean, I'm 30 at this point. Most of the women who were going to this gym were 20 to 30 years older than me. It was a good start for me to get back into working out. I also got to talk to people who were my mom's age, have some maternal healing there,

and actually just talk to other women who had lost their mother. I was the only one at that time in my friend group because I was so young and she was so young. They really didn't have anyone to relate to, you know, mess with different ladies and we started hanging out outside the gym, having dinner, going for a drink,

going art a drink, going art fairs, craft fairs. Yeah, I feel like that would be a good crowd to stumble into. They're like older gals who are making an effort to stay healthy. They're probably engaged in a lot of ways in life. Yes, it was very good.

It was what I needed at that point. And realizing that everybody is going through different things and grief doesn't have a timeline. Right. One of the ladies was having a Christmas party. We were doing a white elephant gift exchange. They specifically said,

bring something that's already in your house. Okay. So that you're not spending any money on anything. So a bunch of us go to the party and we start this gift exchange. With this particular format, you didn't open the gift until everybody had picked and all the gifts were stolen.

So really people were doing it based on the shape and the size of the bag or the packaging. Ooh, they were doing stealing before the reveal. That's different. That is interesting, yeah. Yeah, if it was heavy, if you could shake it and make noise. So there was probably 20 of us or so. We get through, everyone gets their final gifts

and then we're going around the room, opening the gifts. They're getting Christmas decorations, they're getting ornaments, they're getting wreaths, they're getting candy, they're getting, you know, just all kinds of different items. You can say a bullshit from other people's houses. Yeah, or things that people have regifted. They may have gotten it for Christmas last year.

Sure, sure. Then I get to me, then I pull out this item that looks and feels like it's a vase. Uh-oh. It's got a cover on the top with a cover, almost like a paper that's been taped on the top of it. So maybe used. Yeah, I know what it is.

Yeah, me too. I pulled out, I'm looking at it, I'm trying to figure out what it is and I hear a voice coming from the back. One of the older ladies said, well, I was told to bring something that I already had. And this is my husband. Well, it's my husband's ashes and he wanted me to spread them in a local park and I just can't bear to do it alone. I couldn't bear to do it at all. So I thought that if I came here.

This is not what I thought it was. Oh, you didn't. I thought it was a dildo for sure. No. That's where we were going. I knew it was ashes. You knew it was, who would give someone an obligation? Because death was a part of this story,

so it made sense. Okay, so this is healing maybe. I thought that if I gave it to someone, that they could help me or they could then take the ashes and dispose of them the way that she wanted them to. I mean, she was very emotional saying this. And I was still sort of in a grief state. Now you have someone else's ashes. Yeah, the whole room was quiet. Like nobody was saying anything at this point. You know, I was like, okay, Ruby, I'll help you with this. So then kind of just sat there and I

wasn't the last one to open. So there was still some other gifts that people needed to open and everyone's done. Opening the gifts and we're mingling around again. I was 30 so everyone at that point felt so much older than me. Yeah, right. If she was 58, you thought she was 70. I feel like she was at least in her 70s.

I go over, I give her a big hug and I said, Ruby, I'm gonna help you with this. We're gonna do this. She may at some point told me what her late husband's name was. I don't remember that, but she's like, we'll do this for him and we'll make sure his wishes are all met.

We'll get Mark all spread out over the. Right. We're not facing each other, we're hugging. So she's on my shoulder and I hear her and I think that she's crying and she's actually laughing. Uh oh. Oh, oh.

Oh God. She says, oh honey, that's not my husband. What? Those ashes are from my outdoor fire pit and I just thought that this would just make such a funny gift exchange and a fun story to tell. Oh my God. Oh, it was a prank. A holiday prank. story to tell. Oh my God. Oh, it was a prank.

A holiday prank. Oh wow, about a dead husband. But that's like really sick. She should write for a really dark comedy sketchbook. Yeah, that's next level. Crazy, it was not what I expected at all. You don't expect to get a face of someone's ashes and then come to find out that it's not a face of someone's.

Yeah, this is a real roller coaster for you. Yeah. Did you laugh with relief at that point? Like, Oh, thank God, I don't have to spread this. Yes. There was a lot of relief. Grease is hard. So I was just trying to let people deal with things the way they could, but it was just a very odd situation and she did end up giving me a candle that she had bought. Jesus.

I admire this woman because when the present was opened, everyone got uncomfortable. And that was an opportunity, if she was losing her resolve to go like, I'm just kidding, it's from, you know. But she resisted and she let everyone walk away thinking she was nuts. The commitment to this bit is really admirable.

We must tip our hat to her. But then what does she get from it? The joy of a prank is to then be like, just kidding. But she was intrinsically motivated, which we would all aim to be. She just knew in her own heart, this is hilarious. They all think this is real. Oh, I guess. That's next level.

That's like Andy Kaufman. And I think she was known to be a prankster. I just didn't know her that well at this point, but probably about 10 years after that, she herself did pass and a few of us from that gym did go to the funeral and we heard a lot of other stories of the different pranks and just funny things that she just tried to do to live life and make people laugh and smile

even if it was the dark humor sort of thing. Wow. I kind of like her. I would have been friends with her. I like you. I'm very impressed. I know that I would have felt fucked with, especially if I was in the middle of grief myself

and had lost my mom. And then I was having these ashes and I'd be like, oh, I guess I gotta do the right thing even though I don't wanna do this and I gotta help this other person. And then it was all a lot. I would be so pissed. So I'm impressed.

I'm not a super confrontational person. So that was probably just letting it right out. Yeah, wow. Interesting. Ball or prank, especially at an all ladies, some widow Christmas party. Yeah. Yeah, that's something you might expect

at a fraternity or the Friars Club. Sure, sure. Right, but it was something I'll never forget, and I have just a silly story from it. She gave you a gift. Yeah, now that I've told it to the masses, not something I could do in the future, just try to pull a prank on someone else.

Well, Lori, we're grateful that you told us that. I like that woman, this now past woman. Yeah, rest in peace. What a spunky gal. She was very spunky, it was great. Well, happy holidays to you. Thank you. I hope you get a legit present this year at White Elephant.

I better. All right, take care. Bye. Okay, last one, David. Bring us home, David. Oh, can you hear us now? Hey, how are you? Wonderful, how are you, David?

I tell you what, I'm doing okay, thank you. You wanna know something so bizarre? Yeah. I have that painting of the Great Dane. You do not. You have this painting? You have that exact one? The exact same one. No.

How did you discover yours? My mom. Oh. Wow. I had a house for a long time with nothing on the walls and she's like, here's a Great Dane and it's the exact same one. Oh my God, is it a famous painting? Well, it is. No. Because it's cool, here's a Great Dane, and it's the exact same one. Oh my God, is it a famous painting? Well, it is, because the tool, but.

Obviously. I would probably get some stock in it if I could. Yeah, so David, I had moved into a house, it was completely empty, I didn't know what to do. I just started surfing around the internet looking at images I could order, and I stumbled upon this one, I'm like, I love that Great Dane.

And I have another one that matches, and it's a Whippet. Oh yeah, that's frisbee dogs. Sure, sure, they're lightning fast. Where are you at, David? I live in Gilbert, Arizona. Where's that? Just outside of Phoenix, but I'm originally from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

Okay, very similar vibes to Detroit. Yeah, very much. I think we did a little bit better in the Rust Belt, but hey, what can you do? Both heavy industry towns with a lot of drinking. You got that right. Funny you say that. So what the story's about.

Okay. Wonderful. Please tell us about it. This is a long time ago, 89 to 91, not even sure if I remember, but on new year's day, there's the polarar Bear Club. And my friend, Billy, had a house with an in-ground pool. So he had a party every year, as you can see. Oh, lovely. Right, so he chopped a little hole by the ladder.

So you hop in, swim to the wall and back and out. Oh, God. A bunch of us did this and kept going back inside, drinking a lot of tequila this and kept going back inside, drinking a lot of tequila, a lot of Sierra Nevada, pale ale in a keg back then. Oh. Which was like unheard of, especially in Pittsburgh.

That's an expensive keg. We had to special order it in. But anyway, got his fireplace going. We're having a great time. We decide, hey, let's go do it again. Hop back in, we're having a blast. We come back in, drink more tequila, throw more firewood in the fireplace.

Then the next thing you know, there's smoke pouring into the house. We don't know what is going on, but there's about 12 drunk guys, I mean, really a mess, obliterated drinking this much tequila and beer. Have no clue what is happening. So anyway, we end up trying to get people out of the house. And of course, you know, I'm bulletproofed 22 years old. So I pull the attic open figure, that's got to be where the fire is. Okay, so I pick up in there and then the whole roof just starts to go in blaze. Oh, God. Oh, okay. So we get everybody out of the house, you know, other than the house burning,

everything seems to be okay. But it doesn't stop there. My friend, Billy, whose house it is now back then he had a Nissan Pathfinder. So Billy said to me, please move my Nissan Pathfinder. So sure, go out there put the key in the lock and it snaps off So not only did his house burn down Wait what happened did the fire it was just from the fireplace I think they've had too much. Well, you tell me do we know post-mortem what happened? Well, yeah, we put too much wood in but he barely ever used his fireplace and there were cracks in the flu up top so the

Sparks were going up and going out through the oh attic. Yeah Holy shit all the fire trucks show up everybody's outside I see the fire chief suburban, and I just crawled into the back seat and took a nap. Oh, went straight to sleep. I am done. Wow. Wow. So the last thing I remembered was the fire chief waking me up,

saying, hey, you can go back in the house. All that was left was the two brick walls on the side. Oh, jeez. Oh, fuck. It burned all the way down. All that was left was the two brick walls on the side. Oh, jeez. Oh, fuck. It burned all the way down. All the way down. Oh. He did rebuild.

Every year after that, he had the burn the mother to the ground party. Oh my God. Those guys, is he alive still? No, you know what? Sadly, he passed away from alcoholism addiction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Years ago.

Yeah. And. Years ago. Yeah. And what's your journey? What happened with your drinking? I'm very moderate. You know, I like a beer now and then a glass of wine now and then, but that's it. I can really relate to the scene you were at. I was at a lot of those scenes.

Oh God. Yeah. It was just incredible. When I saw that you guys wanted stories about winter holidays. I figured. She can't even look. I mean, the whole house burning down. And the car. And the car melting.

That was a hot car in the day, the Pathfinder. Yeah. Everything burned. I mean, it really speaks to addiction in some ways because that wasn't his bottom and he kept going. Yeah, you've lost all material items. You've literally lost everything. Yeah. It does suck though.

I have a son, he's an addict. He's in recovery over in Oceanside right now. He's doing great though. He's doing the steps. I think he went through step eight, finished up this weekend. Oh, awesome. So very proud of him doing that.

Yeah, yeah, good for him. Yeah, but I found out about you guys through Bridget and Crystal, two beautiful souls that are in my life. They say hello and they love you. Oh, wonderful. Oh, that's nice. Hello, Bridget.

Did you say Bridget and Crystal? Correct. Hello to them. Yes, big shout out. Thank you for sharing that. Yeah, what a great story. I'm really there. It sounds like a Michigan party or two I've been to.

No doubt about it. I appreciate you guys. Happy holidays to you. Happy holidays. Thanks so much. Happy holidays. Bye. All right. All right, take care, David. Bye. I love that this swimming under the frozen. That was a red herring.

It was a red herring. And for people who didn't see the photo he put up, there's just one little hole chopped by the ladder. So they're swimming under the ice. 100% someone was gonna get stuck under that. We thought for sure this is a drowning story. Yeah. But everyone, the tequila and the keg is here in Nevada.

Yes, and they kept going back in there and doing it. Yeah, more wood, more plunging, more, more, more, more. Oh, wowie. More, more, more. I found the artist of your Great Dane painting. Oh. Oh, you did? Is it famous? Christine Merrill.

She's America's most extraordinary painter of dog portraits. Oh, that's cool. I agree with that assessment. It actually says her name on it. Oh, okay, I've never looked. Yeah. She's from Baltimore. And it also says the name of the painting,

but my eyes are bad. Recumbent Great Dane. How weird that he has the same one. How funny. Must be a popular print. Yes, yeah. Yeah, it's on art.com. Yeah, what if it's has the same one, how funny. Must be a popular print. Yes, yeah. Yeah, it's on art.com. Yeah, what if it's like the dolly,

like the melting clocks and we didn't know it. Yeah. Anyway, well, happy holidays to all. Let that be a warning of the holidays that are upon us. Keep your eyes peeled for. The whole thing was a cautionary tale. I guess with a prompt like crazy holiday stories, it's gonna be, it does make me miss Grandma's on Fire,

Nana's on Fire story, remember that one? Oh my God, yeah, that was Thanksgiving. Is it Thanksgiving? Uh-huh, that was funny. And Nana was fully ablaze. It wasn't Nana, it was like Mimi or something cute. Mimi, I don't remember. We've had some great stories over the years.

We have, these holidays, they keep producing terrible stories. All right, I love you. Happy holidays, everybody. Jingle jingle. Do you wanna sing a tune or something? We know a theme song. Oh, okay, great.

We don't have a theme song for this new show. So here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of Armchairs, we'll get some suggestions. On the flyer, I'm dish. On the flyer, I'm dish. Enjoy.

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