Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Armchair Anonymous: Service Industry

Episode Date: October 6, 2023

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us a crazy service industry story. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Patrick Mahomes, quarterback of the Kansas City Chiefs. And I'm Taylor Swift, because now... We are heroes. Football is connected to Taylor. That team, too. Oh, it is? It is. Oh, cool.

Wait, what? There's a guy on the Chiefs that's dating Taylor Swift. You're so out of the loop. She was at the game against the Bears this last week. And now women care about football, so it's exciting.

Oh, the NFL should write her a check. The NFL posted on their official Instagram about it. And they put like, Taylor was here this day. How could they not? Yeah.

Well, unfortunately, this episode is not about Taylor sightings. It is about the service industry. So listen, we were very explicit about people not listening to the waxing debacle episode. And some people did not heed our warning. And then they came on and they said they regret not heeding our warning. Yeah. So let me just say this one's as serious of a warning maybe more to not listen to no this is but the worst asterisk hold on asterisk though the first three you can listen to yeah the fourth one you shan't listen to and if you do i don't want to hear no bullshit because i'm telling you right now you're gonna fucking puke you can be brave let me also add i loved that i loved the whole episode and i in that story and that is a hero that server is a hero absolutely and i want you guys to listen

because i feel like that person deserves to be listened to but i also don't want you to puke but you can't suggest people listen to it truly you can't oh well no it's not to be listened to, but I also don't want you to puke. But you can't suggest people listen to it. Truly, you can't. Oh, well. No, it's not to be listened to. Don't do it. Listen to the first three, though, and we love you. So please enjoy Crazy Service Industry Stories.

Hard times come and go. Good times take them slow. My life. I had them both. But one thing you gotta know. I'm gonna keep on shining. How are you? Is this Presley? I'm so good. This is Presley. Monica, I'm in the closet. My light doesn't work. Oh, no. So we have the computer light. I hope you love that. Yeah, you look great. Oh, Monica, thank you. That. I also wanted to show you really quick. I have a crow tattoo. Oh, wow.

Oh, my Lord in flight, no less. I love it. When you had that expert, the owl expert, and you were talking about your love of crows, I was like, honored. I'm in Austin, Texas. There's a lot of overlap, Austin Corvettes. This is something else. Okay. So Presley, you have a crazy service industry story. And does it take place in Austin? And was it throwing us out of Barton Springs? Would that be a ding, ding, ding? Oh, that would be great.

It is not. I didn't end up kicking anyone out. They let themselves out after this. So it was my second weekend at this bar. I'm a bartender. I still work at this bar. And it was around 8 p.m. on a Friday. So it's going to pick up. It's a weekend in a bar.

You're expecting people coming in. They want to have a good time. Two pretty young ladies and a handsome young man come in. Fun little trio. Like, hey, y'all, they sit in a booth. I go greet them. And they order three Long Island iced teas. Okay, really quick.

As a bartender, you must be able to stereotype certain orders. Because to my knowledge, Long Island iced teas are for people on their 21st birthday. Like they don't know what they're doing. They haven't figured out their drink yet. They just want to get hammered quick. Yeah, blacked out as quick as possible. That was the exact goal of this trio which i kind of picked up on when they came in though i didn't think they had been drinking too much like maybe a couple drinks but i was like okay they can handle a few long island

ice teas i go do my rounds i come back and all three long island ice teas are drank up oh it's been like two minutes oh they shotgunned them which is terrifying yeah for people who haven't had one just break one down for us it's all the clear liquors in the well oh ew like if you watch one get made it's like there's no triple sec in there is there there sure is oh okay okay great they should come with a barf bag, like an air sickness bag. I really want to hear the rest of the story, but I also want you as an expert in bartending to- Tell us other stereotypes. No, well, yeah, but also if you had to say what our drinks would be,

obviously Dax can't drink, but personality-wise. Yeah. Monica steps up. What do you think she's going to order? Yeah. Mind you, you know us a little bit. So it's- Yeah. Try to erase that. Because I listen, I was like, wine. She's a wine gal. But if you came up and I didn't know that, be like a whiskey sour.

Oh, wow. What a compliment. That is a huge compliment. That is a compliment. I appreciate that. I'm not a whiskey person, but I want to be a whiskey person. So yeah, I love that. Once you shave the side person, but I want to be a whiskey person. Yeah, of course. So yeah, I love that. Once you shave the side of your head, you'll like it.

And Doc's Ted Seeger's, man. Yeah. God bless you. God bless you. No, but you don't know me. You think I'm there to drink. What do you think my order is going to be? Because I feel like my drink was very on brand for me.

I would have honestly said whiskey and a beer in one order. Nice. Really nice. Maybe Jameson and Miller Lite. Very well done. Really, really well done. It would have been Jameson, although there were nights where I got into some Jameson, but my standard was Jack and Diet. I drink 12 Jack and Diets. It's so great because you're getting 12 Diet Cokes in the mix. And so you stay energized. Oh, for sure. A little caffeine. I like that. And it's kind of mixed messages too, because one's really masculine, one's feminine. At least in the 90s when I was drinking, men weren't stepping up to the bar and proudly wanting a Diet Coke. That used to be in a emasculating order. I have a group of four guys that are regulars and they're pilots,

I have a group of four guys that are regulars and they're pilots, you know, workout 20s. They go up to the bar every weekend for gin and tonics. Oh, I love that. I love that. I love counter-programming. Mixed messies. Yeah. Mixed messies get messy. What happened?

Mixed messies. Oh, right. Good, good, good. We're trying to remember all of our catchphrases for some other thing, but mixed messies is one. Okay. Back to the story. So three Long Island iced teas, two broads,s a dude and they pound them in seconds yes so then when i come back around i grab the empty glasses i'm like y'all want to get any dinner any waters

i'm like you're doing okay and the gentleman is like three shots shots. And I'm like, oh. Again, they've been here less than 10 minutes. I'm just like, for sure. He's like, tequila, house. I'm like, oh, y'all here on a mission. Oh my God. Is it their last night of living? Yeah, are they going to prison at midnight? Do they have to turn themselves in?

I go to the kitchen. I'm just planning on staggering it, waiting a few minutes, just not revisiting the table for a sec. I come back out and he has gone to another bartender and gotten three tequila shots. He was hellbent on these shots. So when I come by, it's just three empty shot glasses. And the girls are now visibly, they start chatting. They're like, what's your name? Where are you from? And I'm like, how do y'all know each other? And the girls are like, actually, we're dating. And this is our first time introducing a third. So the guy is a guest.

Okay, I gotta break in and say tactically for this guy. I know, bad idea. So he's juggling two things is my guess. He has to be drunk enough that he has a chance at lasting while servicing both women. So that's priority number one. But isn't that the opposite? I thought whiskey dick means like it doesn't work. What you're trying to get to is the sip before whiskey dick so that you can last the longest.

Like the drunker you are, the easier it is to last for a guy. Then you can tip into whiskey dick. And now what's the point? It sounds like he's charging towards whiskey dick. i think he's nervous and that's why i think all three are nervous at this point i'm like okay how about that burger they're like okay okay we'll share a burger i'm like that's a great plan so i put a burger in i'm like y'all make that burger now. I'm nervous. Again, corner booth. So the girl closest to me was chatting with me. Then the other girl and the guy are at the point where they're on the neck, whispering. And again, it's 8.30. There's a dinner rush. There's elderly

people in here. Like, what? So I bring out the burger and the girl on the end that was chatting with me, she is excited about this burger. She houses this burger. And the other two are just off to their races. So I'm just doing rounds, avoiding this table now. I cannot bring them more drinks. I am walking by, then the girl on the end,

burger, it's gone. You know, I like go to pick it up and she's like, come here. And I'm like, hey, what's up? And I bend over to hear her. And I see on the other side of the booth, she is being fingered by the man. Wonderful. And really quick, she wants you to see this.

So they're now wanting this to be an orgy, not a threesome. Or they're just exhibitionists also. It's so shocking. And she's also trying to talk to orgy, not a threesome. Or they're just exhibitionists also. It's so shocking. And she's also trying to talk to me. And I'm like holding stuff. I like ate orders on my mind. And I'm listening. And she's like, my girlfriend thinks, you know, slurring.

She's like, he's really cute. But I think you're really. And she vomits. Oh, no. The whole burger she just ate? Oh, my God. The burger, the island, the water. I was bending over, so it's like...

On you? It's on. No. It is everywhere. I can feel it. And because it's a bar, way too much skin is exposed. Yeah. Right.

And I, like, stand up. They are still completely unfazed. A wall of fire couldn't stand in the way of their passion, it sounds like. It could not. I'm just in shock. And she was just on the verge of telling you she thinks you're really cute, right? Yeah. Now, hold on a second.

Is there any shot? I'm probably going to tip into too perverse, but could she have also been climaxing at the moment she threw up? Because she was getting stimulated do you think everything just happened at once perhaps oh my god you should make a prompt i'm sure it's happened it happened on the great which i loved remember he was poisoned and he was just climaxing and he lost it out of both sides yeah i mean so yeah i went to the bathroom, cleaned up. Again, it was 830. I had hours left.

When I come back through, they're gone. Whole tables cleared out. I had his card to the tab so they didn't walk in. I just did automatic. I should have tipped myself like 2000%. Oh, my God. I go to the back and one of the other bartenders is back there. And he's like, hey, your table four.

There's a mess over there. And I was like, thank you for telling me. Thank you. Oh, my God. Listen, I want to put this out into the universe. The odds that any one of the three that were involved in this are listening, very low, right? We'd have to say it's one in 300, given how many people listen to the show. But if by some miracle, one of the three is listening, we definitely need a follow-up of what happened that was 8 30 right

what they did not go to bed at 9 30 she puked so she's back to normal rally she's yeah puking rally there's a military base around austin texas i do think he was one of those gentlemen who had come down for a fun time maybe from an app or something. Wow. That's just the vibe, the cut, the tattoos, the build. Also, I'm sure y'all are about to have to go, so I have to show y'all something. Wait. What are we looking at? Is it on it?

The dog? Yeah, it's a dog with shades on. Yes. I'm ordering a bunch of just dog paintings. Oh, because we have a dog painting. I couldn't find the connective tissue. Yes. So anytime I'm like FaceTiming anyone, there's just a dog behind me.

And I feel like, oh. Can I tell you, and maybe this is egomaniacal. Well, let me ask you, someone less egomaniacal. What did you think we were about to see? I thought maybe it was going to be a picture of you at our show. Yes. I thought maybe that we had all taken a picture of you at our show. Yes, I thought maybe that we had all taken a picture together at maybe the

Austin show and that we were going to see that. And then we go to a dog. The dog's black and white, but the reflection in his sunglasses is colored. Right. Did you think maybe we were painted in there? In the reflection. Yeah, in the sunglasses. I'll get a painting commissioned where y'all are in the reflection yeah in the sunglasses i'll get a painting commission to where y'all are in the reflection of the sunglasses oh that was really funny oh my god presley this has been

phenomenal thank y'all so so much nice to meet you yeah it's really nice to meet you i hope we bump into you in austin take care. Bye. What a cutie. That was so fun. Makes me want to just interview bartenders for two hours. That's a good prompt. Wonder how that night turned out. Yeah, I really hope someone in the audience knows that couple. Because I want to know if anyone performed.

Yeah. What are the chances? It's only if they were off to a good start. I know. I feel like the chances are low it actually ended up. They should have hooked up before they went out for drinks. They should have hooked up, gone out for drinks, had some fun, then hooked up again. Hello.

Can you hear us? I can hear you. Can you hear me? Yes. Absolutely. Jeremy, where are you? I am in Asheville, North Carolina. Oh, my God.

We just had an Austin and now we have an Asheville. Two of our faves. Top fives, yeah. Are you from there or did you locate there? I am from here. This is also where the story takes place. Oh, fantastic. I was in the service industry for about 10 years and this story is actually partially why I am no longer in the service industry. Okay, can't wait. I actually had kind of a sim moment yesterday with all this. I was listening to y'all's episode

with David Chang and the chef that I was working for at the time of this also worked at Kraft. Oh, no way. Oh, really? And then I got home from work and saw the email. I was like, oh, shit. Wow. Very ding, ding, ding. Very simmy. So anyways, this was about seven years ago. I was a sous chef at a fairly high-end restaurant in downtown Asheville. Big touristy area. It's a Saturday night, super busy. Will you tell people what a sous chef does? Sous chef means like under chef. So I was one step under the chef de cuisine. And then we had the executive chef, which was the owner. So I was kind of helping out people on the line, making sure all their prep was ready,

making sure food was going out on time. if anybody was kind of dragging behind on tickets. You're like a fixer. Yes, exactly. So I was on the line that night, which is already a bad sign if I'm having to be on there helping people out. We're just slammed. I'm kind of in between the saute and the grill station.

And then further down, there's a fry station. And then the kitchen actually opens up to where the bar and where all the guests are sitting out in the dining room all of a sudden the fry cook comes up to me he's like hey i dropped a thingy in the fryer a thingy yeah she's like i dropped a thingy in the fryer in my mind i'm like oh it's probably a thermometer i would have thought it was something like feminine that she didn't want to tell me the Well, the thingy is so cute and weird. Well, she definitely didn't want to tell me what it was. So nothing that's not supposed to be in a fryer being in a fryer is ever good.

Like if it's plastic, it's going to melt. We're going to have to drain the fryer. We're going to be down a fryer for like an hour. So I'm like, shit, this is not good. So I run over. I'm like, what's in there? It's like I dropped one of the thingies and she points to a box of nitrous oxide canisters wait oh no a whip it no and they're combustible right they're pressurized metal containers probably a couple ounces of nitrous

oxide so i'm immediately like oh shit oh my. Oh, my God. Yeah. Explode. And spray hot oil all over everything. Yeah, so I'm like, this is going to shoot out. It's going to hit somebody, like, going at high velocity. And it's like 400 degrees. This is not good. I immediately grab a pair of tongs because I can see it, and I'm like,

okay, it hasn't gone off yet. I got this. Grab a pair of tongs, reach in, and the tongs had probably just broken the service when the thing just explodes. No! Oh my god. Fuck me. And I don't know if you've ever thrown firecrackers

like M80s into a barrel of water and it just kind of, or like when people go fishing with dynamite. Yeah, yeah. Real redneck shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like that, and it just coated me with hot oil. Oh, my. Fortunately, I had a chef coat on.

Oh, fuck. Did it get on your face? Your face. It got on my face. It got everywhere. Oh, my. So you hear this explosion, and then you just hear me go, fuck, the top of my lungs, and the dining room just goes silent. Everybody just kind of looks up. Oh, my God. Well, I didn't see them look up. And the dining room just goes silent. Everybody just kind of looks up.

Well, I didn't see them look up. This was relayed to me later. And then just kind of goes about their meal. But I immediately just kind of run to the back and like I take my chef coat off. And when I do, skin on the side of my arm just kind of comes off with it like wet newspaper. My God. Dumping water on it. And I don't feel a thing at this point.

I'm in shock. I'm just kind of like, okay, that wasn't that bad. Everybody's just kind of looking at me like, dude, are you okay? And then the chef's like, how long on this ticket? Oh my God. You just exploded in a vat of fucking, oh my God. Oh my God. Did anyone call 911?

No. So I run downstairs and the owner's down there. At this point, I'm still pretty calm. I'm like, I don't feel anything. I'm like, I should probably go to the hospital. The skin's off my arm. Everything at this point's red, starting to form blisters. So the owner, the head chef is downstairs. I'm like, hey chef, I think I need to go to the hospital.

She looks up and sees me just all red. And is like, oh, my God. Hop in the car, drives me to the ER. And it's like, at this point, 7, 8 at night on a Saturday. So I get to the ER. And I'm like, hey, I've got some serious burns. This is starting to really hurt. At this point, shock's wearing off.

I'm in a lot of pain. They take me back. And I'm waiting there for like two hours before they can get an actual doctor to see me. So I'm just sitting there just visibly in pain. Have they given you any pain meds or anything? No. They couldn't do it until the doctor could get there

and the doctor was at home because it's Saturday night. What if he was at the restaurant? He's like, I just got to finish this meal. Something just blew up. So it slowed down a bit. They should have asked if there was any doctors like they do on the plane. On the airplane. Is there any doctors having dinner right now?

Should have just asked if anybody there had any painkillers. I mean, it's a party town. I'm sure somebody had something. Someone's carrying. But also you have to like fix that fast. They were basically like, well, there's nothing we can do for you except give you painkillers. No. It was insane.

The blisters. I don't know if you've ever seen the Alien movies, but it kind of looked like the alien's head like all swollen. Like my fingers more than doubled in size. Yeah. Just filled with fun fluids. I was out of work for about a month and it was kind of this realization. I went from working, you know, 60, 70 hours a week is kind of what happens in the industry to just having all this time off and still getting paid.

And I'm just like, this is not a great lifestyle. Yeah. And so after that time, I went back and shortly after putting my notice and I was like, I am literally burnt out and got out of the industry. So it was kind of a silver lining. Yeah. What did you switch to? I packed what I could in my car, drove off to Montana and worked on a cattle ranch for

a little while. Get the fuck out. All right. No, I don't want to make you insecure, but I am curious how you lost your fingers. Cause I was like, did the fucking grease cause that? I couldn't help but think that. You might not like this story. I'll give you a guess.

If you had to guess what this was. I listened to the Chris Palmer episode and I heard you guess that one. I would definitely go woodworking of some sort. No, it was a motorcycle accident. Oh, no. Yeah, I still ride, though. Dirt bike or street bike? Street bike.

I was on a Ducati on the highway. Well, if you got to go down, it's nice to be on an Italian. I was actually really upset because I was like, oh, my God, I just fucked up my bike. Of course. And then I saw my hand and I was like, oh, I also fucked up my hand. Did it get pinched between the bars and the ground or something? I think so. It all happened pretty quickly.

So I don't know exactly. I mean, it was on the highway. So I slid for a while and the bike came to rest on top of me. Man, you've been through some shit. Shock is a crazy thing. It is, right? I go down. I'm like, okay, this is it. I'm like going to die. I'm going to get hit by a semi truck or something. There's like a bunch of traffic. Yeah. And the bike comes to stop and I'm like, oh shit, I'm alive. Lift the bike up, stand up, take my helmet off, looking around. And then I'm like, oh fuck. My hand is not doing well. And it's your clutch hand. So you're still able to operate the clutch though? Yeah. Your pinky has a lot of the grip. Stop and go traffic sucks. I live really close to the Blue Ridge Parkwayway so i just kind of hop on the parkway and then once i'm going i can just power shift and i just kind of cruise a lot

of bikes now have blip shift so you don't even need the clutch anymore i haven't gotten anything like that this was pretty recently and i kind of just had to get a bike because i was like i can't let this stop me i can't let this thing win, I can even see already that your pinky's probably gotten five X's strong. Like look at this muscle. Yeah, for sure. Right? This pinky is my dude. He does everything. Yeah. And then the muscle below in your hand, which in you and I's like, ours is one third the size of the one you have. You look like a free solo, like a mountain climber now on that hand. I know. I want to get into mountain climbing just because I think it would be more difficult. Actually, your pinky has like 40% of your grip strength. It know. I want to get into mountain climbing just because I think it would be more difficult. Actually, your pinky has like 40%

of your grip strength. It does? Yeah, because of that muscle right there. If you lose your pinky or your thumb, those are like the worst fingers to lose.

Oh. Your ring finger and your pinky have all your grip strength and your middle finger and your index finger are all dexterity. You're the king

of the silver lining. Yes. Like you got bathed in hot grease and you thank that for getting you out of a job you didn't necessarily want to stick with. And then now you're like just delighted that your pinky didn't go down. You have a great attitude on life. I know, I aspire to it.

I was pretty stoked to be alive. Yeah. Anyone who's been in motorcycle wrecks, first is like, oh, fuck this. You're in denial as it's happening. You land and your first thought is like please will my legs work right yeah i could stand and i was just like yeah as soon as you can stand and move your arms you're like okay great well i can handle whatever's next because i'm not paralyzed it's almost immediate gratitude oh yeah the thing i was actually upset about the well one i was like

i just wrecked my ducati i love this Yes. And then I was really mad because I was super embarrassed because it was on the highway and there were people around. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm causing a scene. Oh, my God. The craziness that goes through our brains. I was not concerned about myself or anything. I don't know if you heard the episode where I talked about smashing my Hellcat last year, but as the airbags were coming out and I could watch them deploy, I was like, oh, this is embarrassing. Like I want to die.

I'm so embarrassed. I did hear that one. I also heard one of you wrecking a bike and you were like, I got to get up and go. So nobody sees this. Yeah. There was a paparazzi dude pulled over right as I was picking the bike up. I was like, oh, I didn't have to deal with that. I started listening to this podcast as I was kind of bike up. I was like, oh, fuck. I'm glad I didn't have to deal with that. I started listening to this podcast as I was kind of recovering from all that. And the conversations you guys have and talking about vulnerabilities and everything, it was really nice and very cathartic.

Thank you, man. Thank you. We're happy you're alive. You've had a couple- A couple scrapes. A couple near misses. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was really good to talk to you.

Well, next time you ride up to Sliding Rock or Looking Glass Falls, I want you to think of me. I will. If you're ever in the area, yeah, yeah. But it was really good to talk to you. Well, next time you ride up to Sliding Rock or Looking Glass Falls, I want you to think of me. I will. If you're ever in the area, hit me up. Go for a ride. Absolutely. By the way, side note, let's not keep the fucking CO2 containers above. Yep.

Change that in every restaurant they own. They're like, that is a bad idea. Bad locale, yeah. All right. Well, be well, brother. Very nice meeting you. I appreciate the story. Have a good one, yeah. All right. Well, be well, brother. Very nice meeting you. I appreciate the story. Have a good one, guys.

Take care. At BMO, we know every business is unique. I'm Massimo Lekas. I opened Stellina, an Italian fine dining restaurant, last year. You have unique goals. We're always inspired to keep creating. And I've been thinking about opening a Stellina sister restaurant. We'll be right back. And get 10% cash back on business expenses for the first three months. Terms and conditions apply. With Questrade, you can open an FHSA online. No bank appointment needed. It's easy and only takes a few minutes. The sooner you get started, the more time your down Bike Plus, Tread, Row, Guide, or App. There are thousands of classes and over 50 Peloton instructors ready to support you from

the beginning. Remember, doing something is everything. Rent the Peloton Bike or Bike Plus today at onepeloton.ca slash bike slash rentals. All access memberships separate. Terms apply. Hi. Hi. How do I say your name? Farrah. Farrah, like a Michigan era. Or Boston. My mom's from Wormassles. Sure. Where are you at currently i'm in new jersey about 45 minutes out of manhattan we moved to the burbs right before covid okay so you were in the service industry yeah so i can set the scene a bit so this was in i want to say 2007 or 2008 a sort of different lifetime ago for me i was probably like 23. Well, that's what's interesting. 2007 and 8 sounds kind of recent, but that's 15 or 16 years away. My life is very, very different now. So I was like new to the city. So I was working at the steakhouse called

Del Frisco's. I know it. You know it? Yeah. We have one in Atlanta. Yeah. It's where people take their clients. People go there with their corporate cards. The whole nine, like the crab cakes and the shrimp and the bone-in steaks and the lobster tails. It's a fancy steak night out. Yeah, I want to go. It's good. It is good. They season those puppies well.

So I'm waiting tables at this restaurant, and it's good. It is good. They season those puppies well. So I'm waiting tables at this restaurant and it's huge. It's like a three-story restaurant. They probably do about a thousand covers a night. Wow. Like 40 to 45 servers on at any time. It was during their busy season in winter time. I was stationed that night in a relatively undesirable section of the restaurant. So there's like the CNBC areas. Yeah. And then there's the parts that are in the back room

with its own door. And they put the couples that are on dates there or the smaller tables or the families who aren't coming to spend a lot of money. Yeah, impress their clients. Yeah, basically. So it's been a fine night. Nothing to write home about. And I'm getting ready to wrap up. I kind of want to go home.

And I get seated with a five-top of dudes. And I'm a little annoyed because I thought I was going to be closing shop. They're clearly drunk. They've been having a time. But, you know, no problem. Fine. What time of evening is this? Probably around nine 30. Okay. We're past the dinner rush. So these guys sit down, they're rowdy. I can tell they're celebrating something. So they're having a big night. They end up being okay. Kind of jerky, but par for the course. They have a huge meal. They ride every ride. They have the apps, the big bone-ins, the lobster. They have lots of drinks, bottles of wine,

dessert. They go for it, which is great because for me, I'm walking away with a big tip. They're starting to close up. They're ready to sign their check. And across the way from them, up. They're ready to sign their check. And across the way from them, a couple that's on a date gets served a porterhouse steak for two. This is a 48 ounce porterhouse steak. Okay. Big boy. Big T-bone. This is like the size of like a math textbook. What a great analogy. The guys see this and they are stoked. And then they start yelling and talking about who could eat that. Oh, I bet you could eat it. No, I'd pay you to eat it. So they decided they're going to have an eating contest. Oh, after they've already concluded dinner, they've concluded, they have signed their check. Now they want to have an eating contest.

Oh, us boys. What are we doing? So they say to me, we want to get one of those. And this guy pointing to one of them is going to eat it. So I run down, ask the manager, these guys want to have an eating contest. You know, what do you think? All right, it's fine. You're in the back area of the restaurant. No problem. We're almost done for the night. They cook up this huge steak.

Really quick. Do you remember the price tag on this porterhouse? It was probably $140, $150. Yeah. Okay. That's what I was thinking. So they put this steak in front of this guy and they're going to pay him a thousand dollars and he can do it. Wow. Okay. So they're like throwing money around. They set the timer and this guy finishes the steak in eight minutes. Oh no. So he did it. He took that thing down like a champ. No.

So he did it. He took that thing down like a champ. Wow. So now I think the evening is ending. I go to take the plate away. And, you know, I'm being cute. Like, it's time to go now. Yeah.

I touch one of them on the shoulder as I'm taking this plate away. And I say, I need anything for a thousand bucks. Uh-oh. And I walk out. I'm very scared. Me too. I'm very scared. Me too. I'm very scared. No, it's okay. It's okay.

Okay, okay. I come back and they said, were you serious? And I sort of looked at them and I got nervous. And they said, well, we'll give you double the time and double the money if you can do the same thing. Wow. Wow. $2,000, 16 minutes. I'm 23 years old.

I'm poor. This is rent for a month. Wow. More likely, like I'll blow it on something stupid, but like this is enormous. Yeah. Yeah, windfall. Huge. 16 minutes, not that long.

Pretty long. For that much, okay. Daunting task, but this is the lotto. I got to do this. Yeah. You got to go back to your manager, though. So I run down the stairs to the manager. This guy's name is Barney.

He's from Texas. And I say to him, Barney, Barney, they're going to pay me $2,000 if I can eat this steak. And he looked at me and he says, well, Farrah, are you hungry? Yeah, I think I am. So now the word is starting to spread around the restaurant. This is a restaurant of 40 servers. Lots of things happening on three different floors of this restaurant. Everyone parties.

Everyone's young. It's New York. Yes. Everyone's just starting their night after this. For sure. The boys in the kitchen are like looking for the leanest 48 ounce cut that they can find, like the one with the heavier bone. And they cook this up. And now the wait staff is starting to gather in this area. Like Kobayashi eating hot dogs. in this area. Like Kobayashi eating hot dogs.

Yeah, exactly. If there was anyone in the restaurant who was looking for service at that moment, no one was getting their tea. So I sit down, everyone's gathering around. The guys start to lay out the rules, which are that they have to cut the steak off the bone so that they control everything that I have to eat. Okay.

Eating like the grizzle. Right. Like they are going to carve that baby. They're carving it off the bone. The rules are that I have to eat the whole thing by the stopper at 16 minutes. And that if I win, they will give me $2,000 plus the tip that they'd already given me on the meal, which was a $300 tip already. Right. Or if I lose, I lose everything.

No! Oh my gosh! That is absolutely not. That is so fucked up. This is like squid games all of a sudden. Yeah. I like it. I'm glad they did this.

You got to have some skin in the game. But you have to fucking pay for it. You got to raise the stakes a little bit. Yes, yes like it. I'm glad they did this. You got to have some skin in the game. But you have to fucking pay for it. You got to raise the stakes a little bit. Yes, yes, yes. I'm jazzed and everybody's cheering. And I was probably like 125 pounds at the time. I'm a small-ish person. So I'm nervous.

I'm excited. I've got a cheering squad. I sit down. They start the timer and I'm going for it. I've got the fork and knife and I'm just like moving as quickly as I possibly can. Can I pause you for half a second to ask, did you have a strategy? Because I would imagine for me, I would go like, I should eat all the fat and shit. I'm not going to want to eat up front so that by the time I'm feeling sick, I don't have to go in on that.

I know. I don't remember thinking about that, but I remember the servers around me were talking about, so a porterhouse is the filet and the ribeye. Yeah. And so the ribeye is tougher and the filet is easier. So we were thinking like, maybe you start with the ribeye and get that down and then the filet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not a terrible strategy. Oh my God.

I don't know. It was like, just cut and chew as fast as possible. So I'm cutting and chewing and I and suddenly like somebody's rubbing my shoulders. Like a boxing match is happening. This is going on and it's going well for a while. And then as I get to like five minutes to go, I'm slowing down. And like there's still plenty on the plate. Oh no.

I've dropped the fork and knife at this point. I'm like ripping steak. I'm like ripping steak. I'm like shoving it in my mouth. And then they're counting down. It's 10, 9, 8. And there's still pieces of steak on the plate. Like I'm not done. And as they're counting down, I just scoop

up everything that's left on the plate and shove it in my mouth. From now on, I'm like a chipmunk. Yeah. And the countdown's zero. Everyone's screaming. It's in my mouth. From now on, I'm like a chipmunk. Yeah. And the countdown's zero. Everyone's screaming. It's in my mouth. Everyone's like, the guy's like, no, no, no. She didn't swallow it. It doesn't count.

It's over. It's over. So I take a piece of the steak out of my mouth. I'm like, you're fucking paying me, man. And they relented and they paid me. They did. Good. And it was a big celebration. And after that, I got the nickname 48 ounce Farrah from the staff. Oh, I like that nickname. Which was lovely. They laughed. I relatively quickly ran downstairs and was quite ill after.

Sure. Can I ask really quickly, did they have cash or did they have to write you a check or did they have to run to the ATM? So they had paid for their meal with a card and they paid the bet money in cash. Wow. But what was interesting is that so the restaurant, like many, have a tip out policy. Right. The restaurant, like many, have a tip-out policy. Right.

Where you give 25% of your tip for the rest of the staff at the restaurant, for the hostesses and the bartenders and the kitchen staff. And so at the end of the night, a manager, not the one who had told me that I could participate in this event, wanted me to tip out on the winnings. No! I guess that would have been $500. $2,000 would be $500. On the whole thing. No. Fuck that. And what was awesome, because restaurant people are awesome,

is that everyone rallied around and said, no way, that $2,000 is hers. Good. No one else earned that. I might have slid the dudes who cooked the steak for you a hundred or two. They were like, no, no, no, let her earned that. I might have slid the dudes who cooked the steak for you a hundred or two. They were like, no, no, no. Like, let her have that.

Everybody sort of got behind it. That was like my biggest night ever. That's a very momentous event. I'm impressed. I'm jealous. So I'm jealous I wasn't there. I'm jealous I didn't eat a steak for $2,000. I'm almost jealous I didn't suggest it.

I mean, every part of this I would want to be involved. Yeah. I mean, except for the getting sick afterwards, it was pretty decent. But I used to throw up for free two nights a week as a drunk. Fuck it. You know, no one's paying me two grand to throw up my jack and diets. That would have been a better business model. I'm so glad you had that experience while you were young. I have a seven-year-old and a two-year-old now. And my seven-year-old has heard this story a few times. And when I told him I was going to be sharing it today, I said, do you remember that story? And he said, yeah, you had a lot of beef.

Mom's big beef story. Mommy's big beef story. Farrah, that was awesome. Yes. Yeah, I loved that. Awesome. I'm so glad I got to share it with you. You have a tattoo of an audio print.

What's that? It's my kids laughing. Oh, that's a clever thing. I'm a little jealous I never thought of this. Yeah, you're jealous a lot in this episode. I am. I want to be. You can do it too

no i'd be biting your style i did emblems of cars that bear their names so delta and lincoln i have two of the emblems from cars you're cool you got it you got it well fair and wonderful meeting you thanks so much for telling us that story and i'm just so proud of you you lived your best life thank you bye take care well she was so cute she looks so much like jackie yes her profile was And I'm just so proud of you. You lived your best life. Thank you. Bye. Take care. Well, she was so cute. She looks so much like Jackie. Yes. Her profile was very Jackie.

Yeah, I was getting major Jackie vibes too. Shout out to Jackie Tone. Jackie Tone. Friend of the pod. Friend of the pod. Friend of the family. Friend of a friend. Friend to all.

Hello? Can you hear us? Nope. It's so stressful for people. feel so bad oh yeah when i had zoom auditions it was so stressful what was the last zoom audition you had in covid you had some yeah i had some can you remember any of the products no okay and we'll circle back to that if one time i had to do one from my parents' house Okay, double stressful? Yeah Because they needed to not be there Yeah

Quiet Yeah Don't ask me how There was a squirrel in the ceiling So he was making noise Oh Could be another children's book Squirrel in the ceiling

Yeah, what's he doing up there? Yeah There we go Hello? Can you hear us? Yay! Yay! Yay! what was your stress level during that i'm predicting 11 a billion i'm trying to like manage my children out there i'm so sorry it's so stressful for everyone signing on i feel feel so bad. Where are you at? I'm in Thunder Bay, Ontario in

Canada. Thunder Bay. That sounds fancy. What a great name. Where's Thunder Bay? It's aptly named. We're right on Superior. Ooh, the largest of the Great Lakes. Home to the Edmonds Fitzgerald, right? Didn't it go down there? Yep. So you get lots of storms? We do. But gorgeous, right? Didn't it go down there? So you get lots of storms. We do. But gorgeous, right? Absolutely beautiful. Alana, you have a good service industry story? I do. So my crazy service industry story takes place roughly two years ago at a restaurant in which I was serving at the time.

So it was a Sunday brunch shift, which in and of itself is kind of a little bit hectic. You have the after church crowd mixing together with patrons nursing a hangover. All right. There's a lot of needs. There's a lot of requests. And it just kind of makes for a bit of a chaotic day for everybody. And are the church folks ever complaining about the hangover folks? Like, are you also mitigating disputes and stuff?

Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah and stuff absolutely yeah yeah yeah yeah because if you're fresh from church and then there's like some rowdy clowns next to you you do tell the server as if the server somehow can control those people like you got to know where you're going that's true no personal responsibility you would think. So anyway, it's going as usual. I'm filling coffee. I'm taking orders. And in walks this couple. And as soon as they walk in, you can tell they're either very hungover, maybe a little still drunk. They've got that kind of sway to them. Maybe still up from last night.

Totally. I kind of point in the direction of an empty table. Seat yourselves. I'm going to bring over some menus when I get a minute. I come over with some menus and right off the hop, I just notice a smell. Oh. An unidentifiable smell. I've worked in the customer service industry for a very long time. I have cleaned up piss, shit, vomit, all of the above. And I cannot pinpoint what the smell is. What mix of those things it might be. Sex? Would you, any hints of sex? Sex is a good question.

No. The only thing I could equate it to would be like ground beef. Like rot? Sour. Okay, okay. And so I'm bringing over the menus. Nope, we don't need menus. We're going to order drinks.

Oh, God. Okay. We're going to drink their breakfast. Yeah. Oh, my God, your tagline. We're used to that around here. Lots of liquid breakfast. They order a round of mimosas and a round of beers all at once.

Go about serving other customers. About five-minute passes, and I get a little wave over. I approach their table and he wants to order another round. And I just kind of think to myself, he's visibly intoxicated at this point. I probably shouldn't be serving him anymore. But you know, he's not being belligerent. He's not being rude, causing a scene. And quite frankly, I just don't feel like having this conversation right now with him. So I decided I'm going to let him have a second round and just kind of hope and pray that he gets the hint and takes off after they're done this next round. At this time, I'm kind of

looking around the restaurant and I can see other customers starting to notice the smell as well. It's really hard to not smell it. You'd have to be like nose blind for sure. No one can kind of pinpoint where it's coming from. I know it's coming from this man, but I don't think anybody else has quite realized that. And you've decided it's the man and not the woman. Yeah. It's like radiating. They finished their second round of drinks and they aren't leaving. He's waving me over to order a third round. And I've come to the realization that I'm going to have to tell this man that I can't serve him anymore. So I'm turning over to walk over to his table and I notice a puddle underneath his chair.

Nope. Immediately I think to myself, he's pissed himself. Great. Now I've got to deal with this. Oh, my God. I quickly detour over to a coworker just to get a second set of eyes on the situation and a little bit of backup in case things go awry. And she confirms my suspicion. Yes, there is a puddle. Yes, he seems intoxicated.

I got you if you need me. So I approach the table. And very politely, I may add, just say, I'm sorry, sir. I can't serve you anymore. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Oh, boy. Here we go. As soon as these words come out of my mouth, they start going in on me about how I'm discriminating against them.

And I don't have the right to do this. And I need to add that they are a middle-aged white couple. Oh, thank you. Thank you for that clarification. That helps. There is no discrimination. I'm simply following the law. Yeah.

So then I think it's wise to kind of bend down a little closer to him and tell him, like, sir, it seems that you've peed. It's on the floor. We can see it. Like we don't accept this kind of behavior in our establishment. We encourage our patrons to urinate in the bathroom. Pretty simple request. What follows is probably the most shocked I've ever been to date.

This man looks me dead in the eye, kind of chuckles a little bit, and pulls up his pant leg to reveal an open wound on his shin. No! No! No! From his knee down to his ankle. Stop! No! Holy fuck.

Now no one can listen to this episode. The puddle under his chair is puffed. is pus that has oozed out of the wound. The smell that we couldn't identify was rotting flesh. Fuck. I think this won. This is the worst one we've ever had. It's definitely tied with the dander that was all over that. What the fuck?

He also laughed and showed it. Yeah, like I'm suffering and you're going to suffer. Ew. His sock and shoe and pant leg were sopping wet. I hate this. Oh my. My lord. Oh my god. Holy shit. I wonder if this guy

is still alive. No, he's dead. If you're listening, if you remember having had a leg injury so bad it appeared you had peed. Oh man, what a mask. The last place he needs to be is out at a restaurant getting drunk. He needs medical attention. And he was a little smug about it.

Yeah, I hate him. Totally smug. It was such a bizarre reaction. What did the lady do? She was also yelling at me about discriminating against them. So then they're going in about how I'm discriminating a medical condition. They maybe told me what it was. I genuinely don't remember because I was just trying so hard not to vomit.

Of course. I'm not a doctor, but I'm pretty up to date on all the different ailments people can have. And that's not a condition. Like, you know, genetically, my leg leaks pus. That's not a thing. Also, the whole restaurant needs to evacuate.

That's what I thought. It's like a biohazard. Yes. Yes. Minimally, the mop and bucket has to be thrown out. The cleanup ended up being my job. No. Well, of course.

It's your table. You were going to get the tip. You got to. So we successfully removed them. And then I was tasked with cleaning up afterwards, which was really humanizing. And then I was tasked with cleaning up afterwards, which was really humanizing. The only positive to come from this was everybody felt so badly for me while they watched me clean up. They tipped me real well.

I mean, what amount of money? Like, you need $3 billion to clean up something. That should be our next debate. Okay. We'll put a pin in that. Yep. Earmark that. Oh, my God. I am so sorry. Alana,, my God. I am so sorry.

Alana, that is rough. I would have immediately, well, then someone else would have had to do it. Exactly. Someone else you like. No, I would have called the hospital and said, hey, this happened. We need a biohazard specialist to come clean this. I feel like they would have just laughed at us. Yeah, they would have. Whatever you have to try.

They're like, we're not in the cleaning business. We're more in the healing the people business. We're a little busy over here. Yeah, yeah. They don't do a ton of custodial work. Yeah, this was a large determining factor in me leaving the service industry for good. Oh my God. How many times in your service life did you have to tell people I can't serve you? Frequently. Really? Once a weekend? At least.

Wow. I don't think people know the level of drinking we do up in the North. The bar is pretty low. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Baseline in Erin's neighborhood was just a nine and a half on the alcoholisms. And then there were people exceeding that. But just like baseline. The South has a chance at that as well. Yeah.

In that competition. Oh, my God. What a terrifically horrible story. I can't thank you enough for that. That is almost now tied with my favorite ER story. I'm really glad you guys put out this prompt. I've just been waiting to share. Of course. You're a hero. You're frontline hero yeah you're like a first responder that's what i tell myself and obviously you never saw that person again no i quit very shortly after

and kind of changed career paths okay i hope he's well that's all we can hope well a lot of very nice meeting you thank you for telling us that repugnant story i really enjoyed it thank you so much for having me oh wow that was that was strong i hope no one was eating no we have to tell people at the beginning you can't eat yeah and in fact if you're hearing us right now you have violated our warning you're're in trouble. Yeah. You can't listen anymore. You're grounded. You're not allowed to listen. All right. Well, I love you. That was, yeah, that does not make me want to race out and get back my job in the service

industry. No, I mean, they are heroes. They are. Mine were never gross like that. They were just like people who were so entitled. It drove me insane. I wondered if we were going to get any that weren't restaurant service, but some other type. But they're just too good in this environment.

Yeah. Fertile ground for misbehaving. Yeah. All right. Love you. Love you. Do you want to sing a tune or something? We don't have a theme song.

Oh. Okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show. So here I go, go, great.