Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Armchair Anonymous: Valentine's Day Disaster

Episode Date: February 16, 2024

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about a Valentine’s Day disaster. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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This is for you. The Canadian Armed Forces, a message from the Government of Canada. Canadian Armed Forces, a message from the Government of Canada. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Mrs. Mouse. Happy Valentine's Day a couple days ago. Happy Valentine's Day a couple days ago. This is the Valentine's Day disaster episode. Yeah, this is a fun one. It really is fun. And if you listened yesterday, we already said congrats on six years. We'll say it again.

Congrats on six years. Congrats on six years. We have housekeeping. Oh, yes. So in this episode, we mention Liz a couple times. We say, oh, scary, like Liz. Yeah, and you scream every time. That's why I always say it.

And you say, Liz, ah. Ah. It's a pop out every time I say it. Liz. It is. And then I say in it, we got to explain Liz. And then you say, we're going to. And then we forget. Okay.

So we've talked about this before. Some of the armchairs will know, but some won't. And the ones who don't will definitely think we're talking about Liz Plank and we're not. We're not talking about Liz Plank. If you're an OA, you know this. Yeah. But Monica and I were one time watching a Dateline. And there was a scary woman, Liz, who was a murderer. And then Monica got back to her apartment. No. This is one of those fun moments where

our memories are different. Okay. I think they might work together, but go ahead. I didn't go back to my apartment. It was COVID. And Anna, me and you were watching Daylight. We all lived together at your house during COVID. And it was when you had broken your arm or your hand, whatever you'd broken. Who knows that day. So you were in the guest bedroom. Anna was in the kid's bedroom. Kristen had COVID. She didn't, but we thought she had COVID. Oh, it was that night? Yes. There was a bunch of food at the end of the hallway?

She thought she had COVID, so she was sequestered. What comedy was happening? Oh, my God. This is like Three's Company. Yeah. The three of us put on this dateline. We didn't even know Anna that well at the time, too, which is also weird and funny. Scary, scary lady named Liz.

Yeah. She was evil, and she popped popped out and she had a dog. There was a dog in this episode that looked exactly like Frank, your dog. Right. And you became concerned it was the same dog. Yes, because Frank is a rescue. And Liz is MIA. Exactly.

And so we watched this episode. I'm getting very worked up internally about my fears. And then I am sleeping on the couch in the movie room. And I go in there and I hear her. Liz. She knocked. She knocked and I freaked out. And then I texted you and Ana. And I said, help. It's scary out here. And then you both slowly came out. To clear the room for Liz.

Yeah. I have a totally different memory. But I don't think it's either or. I totally believe that that was the full rollout of Liz. OK. But I remember you going back to your apartment. I remember you being at your apartment and texting, I'm super scared. I heard a noise outside. And I texting, I'm super scared. I heard a noise

outside. And I said, I know it's Liz. And then you said, no, don't say Liz. And I said, she's out there, Liz. I know there was a moment where you were scared in your apartment and I kept telling you it was Liz. Are you sure it wasn't just me being scared in the room next? It might have been that. Cause I heard like a knock or a weird sound. I remember me introducing the notion that Liz was at your apartment. Like you already thought it was Liz in the living room version. I think they both happened.

I wish we could. Because you were afraid of Liz for months. I'm still afraid of her. Right. And so many times over the last four years, I have tried to scare you that Liz is outside your apartment. Yeah, she comes around.

She's a nasty lady. Anyway, so when we say that, we say it in that tone. I don't want people to think, yeah, it's all complicated now. Not Liz Plank. We love Liz Plank. We don't like Liz Frank. Liz and Frank. Liz Frank and Liz Plank.

What if Liz Plank is Liz Frank? With a haircut. Because she just kind of showed up after we. Out of nowhere. After we. So now I guess we're reversing our position. And sometimes she wears bangs. We're reversing our position.

In fact, it is about Liz Plank. That's what you should know. I'm glad we did this. Oh my god. We landed right where it's the modest mouse lair. I'm supposed to hang out with her this week. If you go straight long enough, you'll end up right where you were. Oh god, you better bring a weapon. To dinner, yeah. I know what you

could do. Bring Frank and see if he runs to her and feels reunited. Okay, that's a good idea. Okay, perfect. We got a test. Please enjoy Valentine's Disasters. All right, we're ready for Valentine's Day with Emma. Valentine's Day. Oh, Valentine's Day. Love Day.

St. Valentine. Massacre. Blood. Death. Destruction. So it's your anniversary. It's our anniversary. It's our anniversary.

Hello. Hello. Hello. Oh, and are you English? No, I'm from New Zealand. Oh! Kiwi. Because you immediately reminded me of the actress in the original Office. Just like when I first saw your face.

Oh, that's funny. My husband will like that. He loves her. Oh. He loves the Office. She's so lovable. Emma, you're calling from New Zealand? Mm-hmm. Oh, no. What time is it? It's okay. It's like 7. He loves The Office. She's so lovable. Emma, you're calling from New Zealand? Oh, no.

What time is it? It's okay. It's like 7.30 in the morning, but it's tomorrow. I love this. I always ask David this. Like, what happens today? What happens on Thursday? Is it a good day?

Friday. What happens on Friday? Well, no, it's 7.30 in the morning Friday. So I'm wondering what happened on Thursday. That makes perfect sense. My apologies. Was it a good day? Yeah, it's a great day. Okay, good, good, good, good, good, good. I guess I wouldn't have even assumed you guys celebrate Valentine's Day. I don't even know if that's

like an internationally recognized event. Is it big in New Zealand? It's definitely not as big as it is in America. We still celebrate it. It's still a thing, like jewelry stores still have sales and stuff, but it's the same as Halloween and nothing's as big as it is in America. We still celebrate it. It's still a thing, like jewelry stores still have sales and stuff, but it's the same as Halloween and nothing's as big as it is in America. Yeah. Sorry for that. Except for Guy Fawkes Day. I've been in New Zealand for Guy Fawkes Day and that was spectacular. Yeah, we do love that. All right. So you have a Valentine's Day disaster, which we cannot wait to hear. So this happened in 2009. I was 16. So the day was February 14th. It was Valentine's Day, which happened to be a Saturday night that year. And my boyfriend Lucas and I, we were going to a high school house party. It's like someone's birthday. My mom had agreed that she'd drop us

off and pick us up and Lucas could stay the night but like strictly in separate rooms. Oh this is very exciting though. I want to applaud your mother's progressiveness. Yeah we'd been dating for like three months and we'd gotten like pretty hot and heavy but we'd never had sex. Neither of us had ever had sex. So we decided like it's Valentine's Day this is the perfect opportunity to lose our virginities. All we had to do was come home from this party, wait until my mom went to sleep, and then he would sneak up to my room. Oh, yeah.

Sexy. Yeah, here we go. So we had a plan in place. We were excited, a bit nervous, but we both were like pretty ready for it. So random bit of backstory. In New Zealand at the time, there were these popular like RTD drinks that I won't name but they were always like a standard five percent alcohol like a beer around this time in 2009 they'd released this eight percent can in a 12 pack which is like stronger than wine but

really easy to drink also I feel like I should say in New Zealand the drinking age is 18 so it's like a bit more normal for us to be having a supervised party at 16. Yeah. My mom, bless her, she'd never drunk these before. So when she went out and bought us a couple and she didn't notice the change in strength or the change in packaging. So she just grabbed the first thing she saw, which was a big 12 pack. She dropped us off at this party.

She gave us the entire 12 pack and said, okay, have fun. Stick to two each. You shouldn't say stick to two each and then give 12. It's kind of confusing. Mixed messages. Yeah. She was testing you. Yeah, I think so. I failed. So we got there. We were having fun. I felt like I looked good. Everything was going well. But about an hour in, I was starting to get really nervous. Like I'm going to have sex tonight. Everything is going through my head. What if it doesn't work? Like what if I suck at it? What if he sucks at it? What if he's not the one? Yeah. So scary. Naturally, I'm trying to calm my nerves, trying to get a bit of a buzz going. So I just start pounding back these drinks,

which is obviously the worst thing that I could have done. Can I ask really quick, did you know they were a higher alcohol content or was that realized later? I feel like I probably did and was just like, score, let's not tell mom. Got it. Got it. So cut to a bit later, like I'm having a good time. I find Lucas and he's figured out at this point that I'm about six drinks deep and I'm absolutely toasted. I'm really, really drunk. So I tell him he must come to the bathroom with me. I'm busting. I have to pee. We try and head inside, but there's a big line to the bathroom and there's just no way I'm going to make it. This house had a pretty big property and it had a big bank going down the side of the driveway with like a small wooden area. And I decided, yes,

wooded area, perfect spot for an outdoor evening bushwee. I love it. We're going there. I dragged Lucas across this property over to the spot and I'm like, okay, just wait there. I'll go behind this tree and pee. And he was really good. He just stood there waiting for me, keeping a lookout while I was trying to drunkenly keep myself upright, squatting in a bush. But then I heard this weird noise and I was like, who's mowing their lawns right now? It's dark. It's late. That's such a crazy thing to be doing. And then I was still peeing in this bush and I felt a bit of pain and I was like, oh no, I'm swaying so badly that I've fallen over without realizing

it and landed in a prickle bush. That's what's hurt. I've sat on a prickle. Oh boy. Okay. Wait for it, Monica. But then two things happened at once. The pain that I felt suddenly went from zero to a hundred, like one prickle to a thousand prickles. It was agony. At the same time, Lucas starts screaming. He just starts yelling and yelling for me to run while he himself is just sprinting down this hill away from me. And that's when I realized I'm squatting and peeing directly onto a wasp's nest. No!

No! No, no. Yeah. Fuck! And I was there for way too long. Oh, no, no, no. Yeah. Fuck. And I was there for way too long. Once I realized, I pulled out my underwear and I sprinted back to this house. And I was like instantly sober from the pain. And I got our friend's parents to call my mom.

I was distraught. And I just sat there and cried. Oh, my God. My mom picked us up and took us back. We got home and I was in so much pain. My mom just thought that I had had a wasp sting or bee sting. And she was like, you're being a wuss. Let me look. And I don't know if you were the same at 16, but it took me a lot to get everything off and let her have a look. Oh sure. Yeah. No way. I was justified though, when she looked at it and all she said was, oh my God, get in the car, we're going to the hospital.

Oh no. Wow, wow, wow, wow. It turns out that probably because I was so drunk and I'd squatted there for so long without realizing what was happening, that I had been stung. I was red and swollen right from the back of my thighs, all up my butt cheeks, in my butt crack, and like all over my lady bits. I got the vulva, the majora, the menorah, like all of it. Were you able to get a good look at it? Did they give you a mirror or anything?

I should have. I think I was just too upset. Did you reach down and feel it? Did they give you a mirror or anything? I should have. I think I was just too upset. Did you reach down and feel it? And I know baseball's not a big game in your country, but I just imagine it might have turned into like a catcher's mitt. Oh. I was really swollen. Peeing was not fun for a few

days after that. It was pretty bad. I'm so glad you're still with us. You could have my girled and died. Sure. Because of the shock. I know. that's why because there were so many stings it was like hundreds oh my mom took me to the emergency room and i had to spend the night there making sure i didn't go into anaphylactic shock and died luckily i was fine obviously but it is safe to say that i didn't get to have sex that night valentine's day was

officially ruined did you end up staying with that guy long enough to finally do it? Eventually, yeah. Once everything returned to a healthy status quo? Returned to a normal size, yeah. Holy cow. And was it itchy as hell? Because when I've been stung and it gets red like that with the histamines, it gets itchy. Healing was a bitch as well. It was so itchy. And I still actually have like scars from it and stuff as well. Yeah, I'm sure. Really? Oh, my God. What a disaster.

That is a textbook disaster. I was assuming there'd be some mix up with the transfer from the boy to the room in the middle of the night. Maybe he went into mom's room on accident. Yeah, it was almost a red herring that you were drunk. I mean, I understand it's what got you in this position in the first place. But yeah, I thought it was going to be like a messy hookup. But this is way worse and way better. Yeah, I thought that would throw you.

What a story. Thank you. Emma, I'm so glad you lived to tell the tale. That is gnarly. Thank you so much for having me, you guys. It's really nice to meet you both. We're so flattered you're listening down in New Zealand. I know.

We're not too esoteric. You're getting everything. Do you ever feel like, I don't know what the fuck they're talking about? No, we love you. You guys don't know this, but we've been friends for like four or five years by now. Oh, good.

That's so lovely. Well, we're going to come down because we're going to join David Ferrier at some point. Oh, please do. Well, nice meeting you, Emma. Thank you, Emma. Thank you so much for telling us that. Bye, guys.

Bye. So you, I was in therapy to bring everyone in. I was in therapy. And then all of a sudden, I heard the door. Someone was opening the door because I do my therapy inside the attic. I had to put my pants back on in a hurry. God. He insists that I have them off for vulnerability's sake.

The door was locked, thank God. Good idea. Yeah. And then I peeked out the window to see who had just tried to barge in. My assumption is you and Rob know that it's therapy. I mean, I guess in theory I know, but not really. You didn't even know what day it was. It's not on my calendar or anything. You didn't even probably know what day it was when you were trying to come in. I don't know what day it is. No. It's morning. But I was like, oh no, it's locked. And then I like went, I got my key out. I didn't even know

if I had a key, but I had a key. I was glad I had a key. Okay. And I started putting it in. And then I could hear like a ting. I didn't hear what you said. I just heard like the tone of your voice. Monica. Yeah.

Oh, I'm definitely coming in now. No, but I was like, oh, fuck. I was like, oh, yes, therapy. Oh, no, because I was trying to be a very good employee. Okay. Because I had a work meeting with Spotify, and then we had this, Armchair Anonymous, and they were back to back. Back to back.

And I thought, oh, no, I can't be late to Armchair Anonymous. Everyone will be upset. So I'll go early, and then I'll do it here. I'll be ready. And then I thought it was sometimes the best laid plans, you know? And I am of my senior of men. This is very true. So then I signed off.

I was right at the end. Then I quickly peeked out the window to see who it was. And I saw you walking or what I thought was you walking. You saw a scurry? I saw a scurry. And then I text you. Hey, I was in there. Was that you knocking?

Yeah. And then I didn't hear from you. And then I couldn't see you anywhere. And I'm like, hey, I was in there. Was that you knocking? Yeah. And then I didn't hear from you. And then I couldn't see you anywhere. And I'm like, what has happened? Did you think I was like an apparition? I had a lot of thoughts. I was like, she got really mad. The door was locked and she went home.

Now she won't respond to me. She's angry. Also, did you see me? Okay, because when I went into the guest house, I was like closing the door and you were coming out of the attic, which then I was like, oh, should I just go? Whatever. I scanned the driveway first, and then I scanned the yard, because you sometimes will sit out by the-

Right. And then you were just gone. You're an apparition. I thought you saw that I was in the guest house, and then you kept walking. So then I thought maybe you were mad. Oh, interesting. A lot of baggage. A lot of baggage.

A lot of scars. Okay, let's go to Jackson. Hello. Hello. Oh. Oh, interesting. A lot of baggage, a lot of baggage, a lot of scars. Okay, let's go to Jackson. Hello. Hi. Oh my God, Jackson, you're wearing a shirt as a hat. This is the first time I've ever seen this. Yeah. The closet's cramped, but I'm making it work. Oh, thank you. You sound great. This is wonderful. Thank you. I did my best to get as insulated as possible for you guys. You're my first Jackson I'm meeting. I mean, I guess I've met a J-A-C-K-S-O-N, but not a J-A-X-O-N. Oh, wow. Yeah, I'm a substitute teacher's favorite.

It always comes up when they call the name. Oh, I bet. And where are you at in the country? Please be Jacksonville, Florida or Jackson, Mississippi. It is Gainesville, Florida. So close to Jacksonville. Florida or Jackson, Mississippi? It is Gainesville, Florida. So close to Jacksonville. Oh, okay. And I know a lot about Gainesville, but I'm not going to say anything about it.

I know a lot about Gainesville. And I will say, because that's where the Georgia-Florida game happens. It's our quote neutral territory. So I've spent a couple nights there. Oh. I want to get to one of those games soon. Yeah, they're fun. How old are you? We suck right now, so I can't really go. I'm 24. Okay, 24. Just a youthful young man at the

beginning of your life, and yet you've already had a Valentine's Day disaster. Yes, I have. So a little bit of backstory. I lived with my girlfriend at the time, now my fiance. She worked at a hospital. She was the morning sister. She'd get up about 5.45 to get everything ready, get her coffee, get prepared for the day. The plan was after she got off of her shift, we were going to go get dinner at like eight. It would have been hard, but we were up for the challenge. Be like, get up, ready, make her coffee. And then the fire alarm is going off. So I was like, what could possibly be happening? I'm thinking she's burnt her coffee so bad that this place is in a blaze and we need to get out.

I find out that it's not that. Somebody has just pulled the fire alarm. So we get our dog, go outside, wait. She's fully in her scrubs, ready to go to work, supposed to leave in 10 minutes. I lived in a college off-campus apartment complex. So it wasn't out of the norm for someone to just pull a fire alarm just to like inconvenience the others. And that's all fine and dandy, but not at five. I mean, that's an ultra dick move. That goes from being a prank to just a total declaration of your dickness. Well, the crazy thing was it had happened before in a different apartment complex at like three

in the morning. I was kind of grateful it was like 6 so I got some more sleep. Yeah, but now you're starting to look like the most viable suspect. Because if it's happened in two of the places. Maybe I sleepwalk. Nightmare. We have to wait for the fire department to come. They pull up two trucks full of sirens because they think this apartment complex is on fire.

They find out it's not. They check all the rooms. They say, okay, it's good to go back in. I go in with my dogs. My girlfriend goes to work. And that door, where the control panel is to turn off the alarms, is right outside of my apartment. So I'm hearing thuds. I think I go back to sleep for 10 or 15 minutes minutes and I hear just a huge banging on my door.

I'm thinking the fire department has somehow messed something up and needs to get into my apartment to somehow fix this alarm situation. Turns out it is a girl that I had never seen with obvious smoke coming from the ground. So I open the door to see what I can only describe as a self-kindled fire made of leaves, twigs, and a textbook. Oh my, and she has a textbook wide open and she's made this little wad of kindling on there and lit it ablaze. Yeah, it's a good size fire. What? I'm sorry to play into the stereotype, but welcome to Florida. Yes, exactly.

What's crazy is I thought she was helping me out. So I was like, oh my God. You're so generous. What have you stumbled upon in front of my door? Thanks for helping me out. Oh. No, I go, are you okay? What's going on?

She's like, where is she? I was like, huh? What do you mean? Where is she? And before I can say, who is she? She has kicked the fire onto my feet and into my apartment. No. This is like out of a horror movie. She has kicked the fire onto my feet and into my apartment. No! What the fuck?

This is like out of a horror movie. This is like Liz, that scary girl. So at this point, I go into survival mode. I didn't even know I had a fire extinguisher, but I found it and it was open and I put the fire out and I'm on the phone with 911. What feels like 15 seconds. It was probably longer, but I felt like I did it pretty quickly.

Can I pause you for half a second? It's been always a great fantasy of mine to be able to deploy a fire extinguisher. Had you been waiting your whole life like me to do that? And was it so thrilling? It was something I wish I could have done under less stressful terms, but it was exciting. Yes, it is. Let it rip. It was a lot messier than I thought it would be.

Yeah, it's very messy. There's powder everywhere. Yeah. Wait, can you tell us about the girl? What does she look like? I also want to know what the subject of the textbook was. Oh, sure. That could be a big clue.

I didn't look at that. I bet it was psychology, but continue. Probably. She was, I would say, 22, about 5'4", Hispanic descent. Okay. Had very colorful hair, red, green hair. Feisty. I was about to say that. Yeah. I'm now in my doorway and she's still there. She didn't go into my apartment, which was weird. I figured if somebody was in there, she'd want to get in quick,

but she didn't. She stayed at my door and I'm like, okay, the cops are coming. Now's your chance to leave. Let's part ways. I'll deal with this mess, unfortunately. And I'm like, okay, the cops are coming. Now's your chance to leave. Let's part ways. I'll deal with this mess, unfortunately. And she was like, nope, I don't care about going to jail. I was like, oh, okay. And her eyes could only be described as like the widest I've ever seen anybody's eyes. So then I start to assess the situation. She is looking at me saying, I know someone's in your apartment. I'm going to find her. And I've noticed that she is holding the glass pane that covers the fire alarm. So I'm like, okay, she's pulled the fire alarm and for some reason has come back to my apartment because she didn't get a big enough thing.

I don't really know what it was. I'm going to add it's 6 a.m. She hasn't woken up early for this. She's been up all night. I think she stayed up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're seeing her at the end of a long day. In my head, I'm like, okay, this girl is crazy. Like, I got to figure something out to get her out of here. She insisted and was like, I know she's in there. I'm going to find her. I'm like, who is she? And she says some name I've never heard before. And I was like, look, I don't know

who you are. I don't know who she is. I think we have a misidentity type of thing like i'm not the person you're looking for you're being so calm and patient and kind i gotta say if someone chucked a textbook that was on fire in my house i'd have to remind myself i don't hit girls well my voice was definitely raised but it was mostly let me see if i can get somebody else out here and luckily the smoke from the fire had the alarms going off again oh yeah of course the neighbors are out and they're seeing just this girl arguing with a guy on valentine's day morning saying i know she's in there i'm like they think that some girl is in my apartment i'm cheating on somebody with somebody i was like does anybody know this person because i certainly don't and

i don't want anybody to think i do know her because this is crazy yeah everyone's like nope we don't know her but luckily they're filming so i felt a little bit of comfort in that because I was like, if anything happens, it's on film. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She continues this. I know she's in there. I say, I don't know who she is. Please stop. Please leave. She then tries to get in. And I'm a big dude. I'm about 6'2", 195, 200 pounds. In my head, I'm like, okay, let's say I do decide to defend myself. I can't close the door because there's smoke in there and I'm going to get some smoke inhalation things. So let's say I do defend myself. All the cops are going to see is me, a really big guy over this smaller girl. And I don't want any creative imagination to make

this seem like I did something wrong. So I just was like, okay, I'm going to push her out, leave it at this, keep pushing her out. And I started to hear the police sirens. So I'm like, okay, they're getting close. So I continue to push her out. She's still like, I know she's in there. Where is she? And I was like, she's not here. Like, please just leave. And then I'm thinking this girl is crazy. And I made the cardinal sin of being like, you are acting crazy right now. A sight in her eye came out and i see her jump up right hand raised and that glass is now smashed onto my arm with a force wow feisty was an understatement i was shocked for sure but i'm standing there i'm like i should be in some pain so i look at my arm and there's

like a good size cut. But I think the guy in me was like, this is fine. Like, I don't even need stitches for this. Right. I look down at a worse cut in my arm and I'm seeing like fatty tissue. Like my bicep is moving in it. Like it is a good size cut. This is going to need to be addressed. I'm about to get my first ever stitches for this yeah you're gonna be leaving the apartment in an ambulance here in a minute fuck well after i get stabbed and i'm like okay she can look for this person that doesn't exist in my apartment there's nobody i need to protect in here hopefully my dog's good i'm gonna step aside so i do and then she comes out crawling on all fours. It was really

weird. I don't know what she was going through, but she's like all fours and just looks at me and she's like, sorry, she wasn't in there. Cops come. I point her out because she didn't run at all. She just stayed outside of my apartment. I'm like, that's her. I then am getting fixed up by the fire department and an ambulance driver comes up and is like, we're here to take care of you. Do you need us to call someone? I was like, yeah, let me call my girlfriend at the time. So you don't say now.

Called her. I was like, hey, you aren't going to believe this story. Since you left 15 minutes ago. Oh my God. Our apartment's been on fire and I've been assaulted and stabbed. Exactly. I'd say from her building to the parking lot to our house is probably a 15 to 20 minute drive. And she got there in five minutes.

I don't know how she did it. I went to the ambulance drivers. I was like, you know what? I'm not going to foot this bill because I'm not bleeding anything crazy. I can move my arm. I'm just going to go to the hospital. So it's a lot cheaper. They're like, okay, we'll take this girl that is insisting on going in the ambulance because she cut her hand from smashing the glass on me. And I was like, oh yeah, for sure. Take care of her. Yeah. Right. She's not too worried about any bills she's racking up. In fact, she's not worried about almost any repercussions for anything right now. So get to the hospital, cops come, I give my statement and I get 25 stitches. And then they say, we'll be in contact so you can talk to the district attorney. And I was like, okay. Cause at this point I'm

thinking this crazy person just showed up to my house. Why are there people showing up to my house and stabbing me? Yes. I don't know if it's some organization that has decided my apartment number, stab them every time you see them. I don't know what's going on. So I meet with them about a week later and they're like, yeah, we figured out why she did it. I was like, is it because she's crazy? And they're like, well, a little bit. The weeks prior to you being stabbed, she was at work and she would see a car go by and say, now's my time to run. So she would just sprint out of her job. She took a road trip to Arkansas for no reason. So she was in a bipolar ramp up. I was like, so what happened my day? And they're like, do you have anybody that lives with you?

I was like, yeah, I live with my girlfriend. And they're like, was she getting ready for work or something? Were there lights going on? I was like, she was in the bathroom, turned the lights on and off. And I go, okay, when this person saw the lights going on and off she took that as a sign from her friend that she was being human trafficked and decided that she needed saving oh wow oh poor girl i mean poor you the most but poor girl does that mean she was a neighbor if she was seeing this light from her place? I know she lived in the complex. I don't know how close she could have been on a stroll. She could have been in her room and been like, these lights are going off a little too crazy.

My friend's being trafficked. That's what's sad is the people that do these, yeah, in schizophrenic episodes, like they think they're being killed. Exactly. Of course, anyone is worth hurting to save yourself. Fuck. Whoa. Wow. Whoa. Wow, that's a crazy story. Were you able to get a table at Applebee's? No, I spent the night cleaning up my apartment because what I didn't know is that when things happen in the apartment, like a crime, you are responsible for cleaning it up.

So I got to clean up the extinguisher. She was in my apartment. She like smeared blood on the walls. So I got to deal with all of this on my Valentine's Day. Oh my gosh. So what happened with her? She, from what I understand, is now in a mental institution. Okay.

Getting help. But from what I understand, she's going to be there until she's able to stand trial. Oh, wow. Because not only did she assault me, she also assaulted a police officer on the way to the car. So even if I would be like, you know what? Bygones be bygones. The cop is still bygones or not bygones for him, I guess. Yes, yes, yes.

And sadly, you do need a record of someone's behavior so that you have some leverage to monitor. she can't control her behavior and it's dangerous. It's a Sapolsky thing. You shouldn't be

judgmental of it and also you should keep dangerous people off the street. Yeah, exactly. Was this last Valentine's Day? You didn't say what year this was.

It was a year ago. Oh, my God. Oh, your anniversary's coming up. Yeah. I always forget it's on Valentine's day. So when my fiance was like, Oh, this Valentine's day disaster, you have one. I was like, I thought we've had some pretty good Valentine's day. Like, what did I do? And she's like, you got stabbed on Valentine's day. I was like, Oh yeah. By the arsonist. Oh, do you have Venmo? I do. Will you give it to me? I can. Yeah. Yeah.

Rob, will you write it down? Put it in the chat. I'm buying you and your fiance Valentine's dinner. That's nice. Oh, thank you. We need a good one. I want you to go to the nicest place in town. Let's get the stabbing out of the- Yeah, we'll do a reset.

Well, Jackson, what a pleasure meeting you. Yes, thank you for sharing. Crazy fucking story. I loved it. Yeah, hopefully this Valentine's Day isn't as eventful. We're going to make sure you're at least dining in style okay yeah i don't know if you guys want to see the pictures of course let me see if i can find them i have the scars now i don't know if you can see it oh my god

mama me oh my god it's like a plantain size on the shoulder and a banana size on the bicep wow also you're a keloid scar like me it did help with the one scar on my bicep because it was like a piece of skin hanging off and there would have been like a big chunk missing yeah since it's keloided it's filled in ah so this is the one on my shoulder you are not dude you were brutally really were stabbed yeah it's like a fucking dateline episode this is the fatty tissue oh my lord guys it looks like when they open your abdomen up to take out an organ got me good i'm pretty shocked you didn't take the ambulance right now i see that your entire arm was opened up they were upset they were like we're here for you i was, but my fiance got here so quickly.

And did she take you to her hospital? Did she drive right back to her? Funny story. I had applied to work at that hospital. And while I was in the ER, I got a call from them and they were like, oh, how are you doing? I was like, I'm doing good. Like, okay, we're here to offer you the job. I was like, sweet. I'm actually in your ER right now. If you want to give me the paperwork. Oh, wow. Look at that. That's kind of sim.

You're like in a Coen Brothers movie or something. You're living in some weird movie. I would tell people this story. They're like, okay, but what stupid things did you do to actually like cut your arm off? I was like, no, this person showed up. Arsonist showed up and stabbed me. I don't know what you're going to say. Arsonist showed up and turned into a slasher. Oh, that was a barn burner thanks a million thank you guys i appreciate it all right

take care brother guys that arm was as opened up as you can imagine that was much worse than i was me too me too i thought stabbing was just like a funny word for it but it's worse than stabbing yeah i wouldn't even thought that that a butcher knife could do that much damage. Oh, Liz. That's so scary. Fuck. Now, listen. Ugh.

Uh-oh. Maybe it's not even worth it. I would have kicked her in the chest a long time before that happened. If she started to come forward, I would have just kicked her in the chest and got her. You can't let someone come into your person. You don't have to kick her in the chest. You don't want to get your hands involved. She's holding glass.

If someone has a knife or something, your leg is longer than your arm. She has a mental. I know. It's heartbreaking. It is. But also, you can't let someone. No, you can't. You can't.

Curve you up like that. Ooh. Ugh. Ooh, Liz. I feel like we have to remind people about Liz. We will. Sasha hated sand the way it stuck to things for weeks. So when Maddie shared a surf trip on Expedia trip planner,

he hesitated. Then he added a hotel with a cliff side pool to the plan and they both So when Matty shared a surf trip on Expedia Trip Planner, he hesitated. Then he added a hotel with a cliffside pool to the plan. And they both spent the week in the water. You were made to follow your whims. We were made to help find a place on the beach with a pool and a waterfall and a soaking tub and, of course, a great shower. Expedia. made to travel. Hello. Hello. Alicia? Yes. Oh my God, Alicia, hold on. Don't even tell me. I'm recording. Yeah, okay, record. Cute glasses. I'm trying to put together your environment, but don't tell us.

I think car. No. Under a coffee table. Oh, that's a great guess. Under a coffee table. I give up. Where are you? I am under my sewing desk. Oh.

In my basement with couch cushions behind me. Monica, you have stressed up these armchairs so much. They're tearing their houses apart. That's what we need. I don't know. Yes, it is. I have a perfectly beautiful, wonderful closet. However, it's nap time and my two-year-old, almost three-year-old is upstairs right now being very vocal.

Got it. That makes a ton of sense. Alicia, where are you in the country? I'm in Virginia. Oh, wonderful. What am I reading that was set largely? Poison with Bible. Oh, no, I'm getting confused with us having just talked to Henry Louis Gates.

That was West Virginia and Maryland border. So sorry. I travel through that line all the time. So we're in the Blue Ridge Mountain area. Oh, the most beautiful chunk of the country. I know what it is, too. We just interviewed a guy about presidents, and they were talking about Jefferson started University of Virginia. UVA.

Did you attend UVA? Oh, that's very ironic you ask that, because this story actually takes place at Virginia Tech, which is the rival of UVA. Okay, the stakes are high. So you went to Virginia Tech. I did. Wow, very good school. Very esteemed. Okay, the stakes are high. So you went to Virginia Tech. I did. Wow, very good school. Very esteemed. Very, very good school.

Do you hate that when people hear it, they have that association with the shooting? Oh, I didn't even think of that. I think that people who are not associated with Virginia Tech do think that. Right. But people who live in the area and all the students, we don't think that. Okay, good. I'm not a student anymore. This happened a decade ago. Alumni and all students, we don't think that. Okay, good. I'm not a student anymore. This happened a decade ago.

Alumni and all that, we don't associate with that whatsoever. I didn't think that. I was in college then, so it was like a big deal. Ah, really seared. I was in high school when that happened. I went there in 2009. That was 2007, so it was pretty soon after. Okay, who?

Clean this slate. When does this story take place? 09, 10, 11? The precursor to this story is Valentine's Day 2011. So I had been seeing this guy for a couple of months and I had never had a Valentine before, never had a boyfriend during the time. And I was so excited and he gave me this beautiful bouquet of red roses. We weren't like boyfriend, girlfriend.

We had just been seeing each other. And then a few weeks later, he turned out to be not such a great guy. So it was really tainted. So that's a precursor to this story. February 2012, just a couple of weeks after Valentine's Day, I meet my boyfriend who this story is about. So it's right after Valentine's Day. So of course, Valentine's Day gets brought up. And I'm like, oh my gosh, yeah, last year, I just had this awful, I mean, like it was really tainted and really bad taste in my mouth. Yeah, I'm over that holiday.

Right, exactly. And he was like, oh, well, I do Valentine's Day. Great. I love Valentine's Day. And I was like, okay, thinking like, well, we got a ways to go. So we're still together. Valentine's Day, 2013. I wake up that morning to several texts from him that I realize are every hour on the hour, starting at midnight. That he has obviously pre-programmed his phone. Virginia Tech. He knows how to do this. Right. They're anything from like, I love your smile, to sexual things, to long, deep paragraphs of how much I've changed his life.

Wow. I was really impressed. Really quick. Did you take it all with lots of gratitude and butterfly feelings? Did it tip at any point into feeling smothered? No, I was like eating it up. Right. And so we probably went out to dinner somewhere.

He probably got me, you know, like chocolates, flowers. I don't remember. I get texts all the way up till midnight. I'm just feeling so cared about and thought about. The most loved girl in the world. Yes. This is a special in the world. Yes. This is a special guy, obviously. What a champ.

Well, cut to like a year or two later. I don't remember the exact timeline. We're still together. For some reason, I'm on his computer. All good stories start when I was on his computer. It's never a great idea for anyone to be on anyone's computer. Well, I think he had asked me to look up something in his computer. It's never a great idea for anyone to be on anyone's computer. Well, I think he had like asked me to look up something in his email. He had asked me to be on his computer.

Never do that. He's really playing with fire. I mean, we've been together like two, three years at this point. Yeah. And I see a folder that says something along the lines of Valentine's Day, something very obvious. So I open it up. There's all the texts he sent me and like a separate email to himself. And I'm thinking, okay, well, he probably just thought about this a lot ahead of time.

Typed it out in an email because it's easier to type on the computer than text it on your phone. And then somehow he got it to a text. Well, I read them. And in place of my name is his ex's name. Oh, okay. So he was recycling his homework. Fuck. He absolutely was recycling.

So that did not go over well. And they were exactly the same. Literally to the worst. Well, here's what happened. I'm going to defend this undefendable guy. No, don't defend him. I'm going to defend this indefensible act he did put in the time the first year and it worked so well i bet the ex-girlfriend felt so great and he's like

well i want to repeat that activity i need to do i need to do that again thought or effort into it all that monica so he's like i'm gonna do this again and then he said now he's like i should look at the thing and then he was like well perfectly. I'm going to just swap her name out. Rough. Bye. Oh, geez. Hold on. They're still together.

No, they were still together at that point. Oh, okay. Oh, we're still together. Today? Yes. I'm saying we're still together at that point. That's what I, oh, yeah. Emails, obviously.

Back to you being right. Remember that I had met him 11 days after Valentine's Day. Right. So he had used that literally 11 days i met him right after the breakup which is why he said i love valentine's day because he had just nailed it 11 days before he didn't nail it but then they broke up exactly he obviously didn't nail it 11 days later so anyways i see all these i am just heartbroken i mean mean, like, all these really graphic sexual things. Her name.

Or, like, the you've changed my life. I'm a better person. And it's her name. I bring this up to him thinking, this is a great guy. He is going to be like, I screwed up. And that was kind of a pattern in the relationship was I screwed up. But anyway. And he doubled down like

what dac said of it worked so well it's like going to a restaurant that you love why would you go with the next girlfriend to the restaurant that you love interesting analogy gift works so well he doubled down and so yeah that was a little bit of a disastrous valentine's day oh my lord how much longer were you guys together did that spell the beginning of the end well do you want to meet him no yes yes yes hold on though hold on hold on hold on before we meet him before my head right before he comes in monica's upset i have been sent pictures of girls sexy pictures that i am under no illusion weren't sent to other boys. They finally got a picture of themselves they thought was really pretty or sexy,

and they've sent it to me, but I'm not naive. It was probably sent to a previous boy. It's like they probably have a few they feel comfortable with. That is not even close to the same. But we had been together a year when this Valentine's Day occurred. Let me start by saying I think it's very shitty he did this. I'm not pretending this is okay. I'm only starting with one that's like adjacent to it that weirdly I can accept,

which is like, okay, this person has found four pictures they think are really sexy of themselves and they sent it to me and they probably sent it to four other previous boyfriends. That's about you. This is a picture of me, not what i'm saying about you great point if somebody sent yeah absolutely not especially the sexual texts oh fuck that if i saw that it was the exact nope nope it was really rough so anyways we've been together since that day in 2012. We have two kids. Oh my God. How did you get over it? I like that you got over it.

If you love the guy and you're together and it worked out great. Truly, we've been through so much. He's 10 years sober. Actually, I haven't told him yet. Congratulations. I didn't tell him it was his birthday yet. I haven't said congratulations yet. So yeah, congratulations.

He just passed 10 years. So I mean, with that in mind, we had a lot bigger problems going passed 10 years so i mean with that in mind we had a lot bigger problems going on 10 years ago than like some recycled text there were way bigger fires to put out and a lot of couples therapy nice okay i like that hold on i'm gonna give you my oh no yeah you knew it he's handsome right is that what you're saying hi oh no hi how's it going we're so mad hold on listen i just want you to know what you're walking into Hi. Oh, no. Hi, how's it going? We're so mad at you. Hold on, listen. I just want you to know what you're walking into.

Monica's very, very upset at you. I think what you did is shitty, but I guess I'm more leaning towards understanding. Oh, I wonder why. So that's what you're walking into. At least I didn't just give her a card that like 7,000 other women got that day. Well, I would argue that it's- Only one other woman got those cards. Oh, you're still

standing by it oh he's tripling down wow wow he's tripling down yeah we talked about this last night and he was like i'm still tripling down on this this is a good idea i need your name sir ryan ryan first of all congratulations on 10 years that's fucking epic dude a decade is impossible thank you well let's not talk about your indiscretion for a second. Just can you imagine having been told something by somebody that meant so much to you, even if it was like a mentor and they said, I've never really seen writing like this. I didn't know you had it in you.

I think you should pursue this. And then you found out that mentor had told that to seven other kids in the class. Can you at least identify and associate the feeling of, oh, that thing meant nothing that I allowed to move me so much? Absolutely. Yeah. Yes. I fully understand the feeling of I felt so special when I read these the first time.

Yeah. With my name in them. Yeah. so special when I read these the first time with my name in them. And then the complete upside down feeling that she had when she read them intended for someone else. Okay. Well, that's some ownership to know that like, I didn't inspire them.

Right. You know what I mean? Like somebody else did. So like, yeah, Ryan. Well, they had been together for years.

We were together for a couple of years. Yeah. I think it almost would have been worse had this been a girlfriend that was like four months or something. You know, like they had been together years. I think it's worse. Oh, wow. I think it's worse for you and for the original girlfriend that her text then just got shuffled over. Well, she should feel flattered kind of like

oh i inspired these well i don't know i don't want to make a case for her oh wow this was great i'm glad you showed your face not all 24 texts were word for word there were a few that made no sense that i changed no yes he said that and i recall everything that i read was like word for word so wow wow okay and i'm assuming his handsomen, it really helped in you getting over this. You've exploited your handsomeness, Ryan. And I guess that's what one should do with the gifts they were given. Here's my curiosity in 2013 or 14, whenever this happened. How brazen of you to invite your girlfriend to be on your computer sniffing around your emails and stuff.

How were you that reckless? He was drunk. At that point point i don't think i was uh well 13 at the point where you recycled it you were not sober january 2014 oh i see i see exactly what happened so you were actually now a good boy and you were like i actually don't have anything to hide which i was hiding so much for so long and now i'm kind of clean and i've made some amends and life's golden look through my shit oh fuck wait i forgot about that damn past me you're again to haunt me oh you guys this was the most fun thing ever you have only seen him from the chin up if you could only see him from the chin down very similar to dax like tattoos and works out oh my god should he and i date could you send me those texts i want to see if they rile me up i can forward them to you yeah i think i still have them in the folder just in case i

need them in the future you never know you gotta always have a backup plan all right well it was really nice yeah really really nice meeting you i'm so glad we got to talk so nice to meet you. Really, really nice meeting you. I'm so glad we got to talk. So nice to meet you, too. Have a great day. Bye-bye. Oh, my God. That was fun. Hello. Hi.

How are you? Is this Amanda? Yes. Where are you, Amanda? I am in my closet in not-so-sunny San Diego. Us, too. It's a deluge outside. Just a whole new climate we live in.

Yeah. So what year does this Valentine's Day disaster occur? So it takes place in 2016. I was in Salt Lake City, Utah. I can make some guesses already, but I guess I won't. We don't need to. Tattoos and piercings. You can squash your assumptions.

I, at the time, was a retail store manager, and I had scheduled myself to close on Valentine's Day. And so to thank my team for being there on a holiday, I decided to make treats, which I was known for like cookies, cupcakes, brownies. So I made some cupcakes, decorated them all cute and fancy for Valentine's Day and went into work feeling great. Can I ask really quick, did you have a partner at that time? Were you not participating in your Valentines with a lover. I had a husband, but we were on year four of marriage. So we're over it. Yeah.

Those days are behind us. The year prior, we came to San Diego for Valentines and that's how we decided to move out here. So it's like, that was so magical. I'll just use this year to work. So I go into work feeling great. Display my cupcakes, clock in. And within 10 minutes of being there, I'm hit with this urge. I'm going to shit myself. Oh, wonderful.

Okay. I mean, not for you, but I get sad when we have a prompt that I think there'll be no booty. Sure. We're happy to have it. So this is a big relief. It felt like a relief in the moment when I ran into the bathroom and was like, where did this come from?

I sit down, you know, I think you'd say, Han is Rhea. Okay, great. Han is. So sudden, so violent. So as you do, you check like, what is the damage? What just happened here? And I looked down and pure red in the toilet. Oh, no. Not just like a trace of blood in my stool. This is so scary. No one can listen. I've had this. Monica, I thought about warning and then I was like, I think this is okay. But as we say it, I understand. And just so I know if this is the exact same experience I had, would you describe it as Hawaiian punch color? Like it's too bright.

It's not like the blood you normally see. It's like, whoa, that's bright. Exactly. Curious how you've experienced this as well. I had a fissure one time and it was crazy. And I filled the whole fucking toilet with blood. And I was like, whoa, that's Hawaiian punch color. I didn't have enough time to calculate

what that could have been. Also, I'm a woman. Generally, that color isn't, it was just a whole different experience. Although perfectly timed for Valentine's Day. That is the official color of the holiday. Very romantic. Immediately, I'm like, I have to go to urgent care because I'm

bleeding out of my rectum violently. Now I'm feeling like I have a little bit of a tummy ache, but I can't place where this came from. It just felt so sudden. I go out, tell my manager who was supposed to be off soon. Hey, I know you opened the store. I'm going to have to go. I'm bleeding out of my rectum, but that's all I can share. Oh my God. So I drive to urgent care. I call my husband and I'm like, Hey, can you meet me at urgent care? Um, I think I'm dying and I'm kind of kidding, but I'm kind of not kidding. Right. It's very scary. You think you have internal bleeding and you're dying. You're bleeding out. Did I fall so heavily on something in my abdomen then like, forget about it. You're just going through every rational thought as to what could be happening.

So we get there. The doctor does the normal, like, how are you feeling? What did you do today? What have you eaten? Is he skirting around the implication that anal sex had been had? I don't know if I would have been privy enough to think that at the time.

Okay, okay. Maybe he was. He says, you know, what did you eat today? And I'm cataloging. I had a croissant for breakfast. I made these cupcakes for my team. And at that point I had been thinking, so they were red velvet cupcakes.

Uh-oh. Okay. And I thought to myself, because I eat the batter, and I'm like, could it be? So I tell him, you know, I have a feeling it's probably red velvet cupcake batter.

And he was like, no. This morning you did it? That's not how digestion works. Like it doesn't just go through you like a cartoon. Yeah. 30 minutes later. And so I'm like, okay, well then I don't know what to tell you. So he's like, okay, get undressed.

We're going to need to collect a sample. And at this point my husband's with me and I'm like, okay, what does that entail? In my mind's eye, I don't know if it was this dramatic, but I remember him like snapping on a glove. Oh, sure. We have to on a glove. Oh, sure. We have to do it manually. Oh, okay. And so he like steps out of the room and I get undressed and I'm like, I think he has to put his finger in my butt. And my husband goes, do you think I should offer to do it?

Oh, wow. What a helpful partner. He's taking the opportunity when he can. Good for him. And I'm like, you know, of all times and places, I think it might be this doctor's job. I would love to see the tableau of the doctor overseeing your husband do this and him standing there. Yeah, like giving him direction. Like, no, not that way, this way.

And so the doctor comes back in. It's just this like very solemn vibe in the room. And he's like, okay, I need you to lay on your side and curl up into a fetal position. I made the mistake of laying on my side so I could see into my husband's eyes. He was just sitting on the chair in front of me. I feel like I should have turned around and like kept some anonymity, but I roll over, lay on my side, pull up my legs and just right in to collect a sample. And I feel like my eyes just did these like cartoon eyes to my husband who then looks at me and also has the same kind of cartoon eye reaction like we're both locked in

on the least romantic moment of any valentine's day ever stranger fingers yeah like the headlines stranger this like big tall I don't remember if he was handsome or not this big doctor who's like getting up in there collecting the sample I feel like that was so invasive for just that little amount they needed he goes okay we're gonna go test this to see if there's blood in your stool and see if we can figure out what's going on and I'll I'll be back in a few minutes and I remember just sitting up and kind of having to like settle back into myself. Like, did that just happen? This is what we're doing on Valentine's. I'm very empathetic.

Like this poor doctor had to put his finger in someone's butt on Valentine's Day. And again, I guess it could have been worse. You're right. You point out something really good. We only think about how much we don't want a finger in our butt. We don't think about the poor person who's got to put their finger up your butt. That's a great perspective. And get poop out.

Yes. And retrieve some pootie. Yeah. Just, you know, thinking of them. We sit there and wait. And he comes in and throws his arms up in the air and goes, it was cupcakes. No. Oh.

Oh. I was like, what? Hey, really? He was like, well, it wasn't blood. So I guess it was cupcakes. Wow. Weird. I guess you just had a stomach bug of some sort that just made everything go through you so fast.

And if you feel like you ate enough, which you don't realize when you're scooping it out and then you're cleaning that bowl. You brought back memories. Have you had this, Monica, where I've pounded a few of those red velvets and I have seen that my stool was red velvet color. Have you ever had that? No, I've never. Yeah. That's happened to me as well. Try it on Valentine's day. Don't be alarmed. Yeah. I guess it's like when you eat a lot of beets. Yes. I've never done. Well, it's just that red dye that's in the velvet. It's powerful dye. It dyes your whole everything in your stomach. I'm surprised it eat a lot of beets yes i've never done well it's just that red dye that's in the velvet it's powerful dye it dyes your whole everything in your stomach i'm surprised it was bright red

because the red velvet's like a darker it's dark rich mixed with the chocolate but think about the dye yeah it's bright as hell huh and then i had to call my job and say hey i can't come back ever again like ever uh i feel like a dog with its tail between its legs. Like, I'm okay. I think I have a stomach bug, but I more than anything just can't face society. So I'm going to go have the rest of my least romantic Valentine's ever. You're going to have to cancel your plans. Oh, boy.

That's funny. Well, God bless that other manager that worked at Den Double, I suppose. We are best friends now. I actually texted her last night to see what year it was, and she was like, it was right Well, God bless that other manager that worked at Den Double, I suppose. We are best friends now. I actually texted her last night to see what year it was. And she was like, it was right before we became best friends. And I remember thinking, like, this poor girl. I just felt so bad. I would have worked for you anyways.

But now we're best friends. Oh, it all came out. It is romantic. It is. Romantic. It is very romantic. Shout out to Hannah for covering my shift. Oh, wow.

That was good. Well, Amanda, I loved that. We needed a pootie without a pootie. It was a happy ending, too, because I was expecting a fissure. Because let me tell you, if you get one of those, they're nearly impossible to heal because it's a cut inside. And then every day, you're going to poop again and stress out that cut. I think the bright red is good because that means it's on the outside and not internal. Yeah, if it's dark, it's actually bad.

Okay. So you're looking for that nice pop of Hawaiian punch. Yeah, thank the stars. It was a very temporary thing, but I did think I was dying. So that was how my Valentine's ended. Wow. Thanks for sharing that. Very vulnerable.

Yes, very vulnerable. Sharing that. Yeah, that was great. Very vulnerable. Yes, very vulnerable. I can't think of a more vulnerable time in my life than walking eyes at my husband and getting a nice, gentle, not-so-gentle poke. Oh, man. Poke in the rear. Can I bring him in to say hi?

Yes, of course. Because he was the reason I started listening to you guys, going through some postpartum sadness and needed some sunshine. Hello. Hello. Hello. We know so much about you already. Yeah, you do. She's having a hard time remembering exactly what the doctor looked like. I bet you remember precisely what he looked like.

He was not tall. He definitely wasn't handsome. He was just a very average dude. But if it makes her feel better to imagine it as a tall, handsome guy, we'll have to give it to her. Sure. Tall stud. Why not? He got more action than I did that time.

Yeah. A hundred percent. Let's let him have it. Tom Selleck. Big, huge mustache and a great smile. Oh, man. Well, it's very nice to meet you. And we're very proud of Amanda for telling that

quite vulnerable story. Absolutely. And we thank you for turning her on to the show. I've loved listening to you guys ever since the beginning, man. Since 2018, I've been listening. Wow. The early days. Well, this is our six year anniversary, this glorious holiday. It's amazing. Well, thank you both for what you do. We're going to continue listening and hopefully we'll get to go to a live show soon. Oh, wonderful. Great meeting both of you guys. Wait, I want to say bye. Wait, they're my friends.

One more shout out to our son who's been listening to you since fetus. In vitro. He's four and a half. His name's Hendrix. Shout out. And he thinks every website ends with dot com slash Dax. Oh, my God. She thinks the Internet is just dot com. And he thinks every website ends with.com slash Dax. Oh my. Because he hears that.

He thinks the internet is Dax. It's just.com slash Dax. And like every so often he'll say, tap the banner to learn more. Well, thank you so much. That's so adorable. ZipRecruiter will be very happy to hear that. It's so nice meeting both of you guys and happy Valentine's Day. I hope it goes better this year.

Thank you so much. Nice to meet you. Okay, bye-bye.-bye oh that was great this was a great episode yeah it really was really strong stories based on what we heard it's like you could only have a better one than these right yeah it kind of lowers the bar have you had a bad one i can't remember i think i say this every year on valentine's day my favorite thing about valent Valentine's Day is walking into a flower shop and watching like 26 men standing perfectly still, looking down at their feet, paralyzed with what to do. Not knowing what to do. They don't know what to do.

Yeah. The people at the florist, it's okay. Yeah. What's your price range? Yeah. What's a lot? Or what's a good amount? Yeah.

Should I spend 100 or 200? What'd that guy buy? Yeah. I'll take $100 or $200? What'd that guy buy? I'll take what that guy bought. What looked good? Is his wife happy? Oh, man. Oh, right. That was great.

Well, happy anniversary. Happy anniversary. It's six years. Let's go, girl. Let's go. That's one six of your life. Wow. Good for us, Matt.

You still got it. Thank you. Love you. Love you. Love you. Do you want to sing a tune or something? We don't have a theme song. Oh. Okay, great.

We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're going to ask some random questions, and with the help of our armchairs we'll get some suggestions on the flyer rhyme dish on the flyer rhyme dish enjoy