Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Armchair Anonymous: Wild Card XIV

Episode Date: August 28, 2026

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us a crazy story.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepherd. I'm joined by Monica Padman. Today we have, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, wild card. We love a wild car because it's a big old question mark. Do you think we should do the same prompt, but call it chef's choice? Remember in elementary? It was the worst day in elementary.

And it always worked out. I never got hot lunch, but like probably once every two months my mom would leave me a dollar to get hot lunch. Yeah, and it was on chef's choice. Fucking show up to school and it'd be chef's fucking choice. I like chef's choice. No, that means you're going to get whatever thing they couldn't move last week. And you're most likely going to get the Snoopy hot dog, which is like a quarter pound hot dog. It was too much hot dog.

That was a huge hot dog. It was a fucking dog. I would think you would like that. Now I would, but back then it was overwhelming. It's too big. Why don't we rename it to Snoopy Hot Dog? Okay. That's fun.

Snoopy Hot Dog. Please enjoy Wild Card. We are supported by Airbnb. So I'm planning this end of summer trip to Toronto with a few friends, and I can't wait. Canada in the summer is just unbelievable. And Toronto's got that energy where every neighborhood has its own thing going on. I already found a home on Airbnb and Queen West, somewhere we can settle in and make some great memories. The best part is everyone's got their own room, their own space to decompress, but we can link up in the living room at the end of the night.

For that kind of trip, a hotel just doesn't give you the space you need. I can't wait to settle in and find my local coffee shop, maybe my local restaurant, and really just pretend I live there. That is the joy of Airbnb. And I'm going to lean on the host for those local recommendations, the little spots you end up telling everyone about when you get home. That's what I love about Airbnb. You get to experience the neighborhood, not just the home. It starts to feel less like visiting and more like living there. Trips are just better on Airbnb.

Come and go Take them slow I had them bow You gotta know I'm gonna keep on shining John It's John What is this cute shirt you're wearing

It's to celebrate Cannabis Day Oh Oh okay Okay Okay there's an official Canadian cannabis day Yeah when they legalized it for Canada

Oh that's exciting Where in Canada are you Little town called Coldwater Which about an hour and a half north of Toronto Oh great Sorry Monica but in route to Muscoca. Yes.

Oh, lovely. So you have a wild card story, which means we have no clue what this is about. It could be grand larceny or could be a kidnapping. We're hoping. You never know. My story started in 2017. My wife and I and two really good friends, Frank and Savannah, planned on going to a set of waterfalls on the river that leads from their cottage lake on Canada Day.

Oh, beautiful. So we had all kinds of party favors and stuff like that, snacks, stuff like that. The morning of, I called Frank and says, do you mind if we use your canoe instead of mine? So I don't have to drag it up to the car, out to their place, and then back down the hill to their lake. Because he had a canoe and a kayak. So off we go. We had to motor out to the other end of his lake with a boat and dragging the two canoes where we got to the river. One thing I will say is the water was quite high.

I'd been down the river before, and we had to portage twice. We never got to the falls at that point. And when we went this time, we just paddled right through. There was no portaging. The water was that high. Oh, wow. Okay. So we're five kilometers down to the falls.

And just before the falls, the river got quite narrow. So then all of that extra water got really fast going through that narrows. And then it did kind of like a sharp turn. And at that point, Fiona and I capsized our canoe. Oh. Oh. And how far from the waterfall are you? I don't know.

I'd never seen it before. and I didn't actually see the top of the falls. So we're obviously in the water. Frank and Savannah were in a two-man fishing kayak, and they got pushed against the rocks on the side of the river, and they just stayed there as we're flapping around like a couple of white seals. So then just before I went over the falls, Savannah, our friend, says the rope, the rope is around his neck.

What? The rope leading to our canoe. Oh, my. Luckily enough, I got it off and went over the falls backwards. Hold on. Can I ask you, John, how old were you in 2000? Late 50s at that point. Same with my wife.

She's a couple years younger. So anyways, over the falls, I'm going backwards underwater. Oh. I'm thinking, I can't see anything behind me. The way I'm traveling, I'm thinking, well, if I get caught, I'm done for it. But I thought I could almost live with that. It was a calming thing. Oh, wow.

So anyways, I pop up and we had, like I say, all the crap we had in the canoe. There's a pool noodle right in front of him, and I grabbed a hold of it. I couldn't see Fiona anywhere. and I finally got to the side that there was a bunch of rapids at the bottom of the falls. It was about 20 foot drop. Ooh.

Okay, that's significant. Two-story building. Yeah, like I said, glad I wasn't watching myself go over. Yeah. I got to the side of the river and got out. I've got no glasses, no shoes, and I can't see Fiona.

Oh, boy. And I'm screaming, screaming and yelling for her. Our buddy Frank had come down the escarpment, found me, because we were on the same side. He points across the river, and she was across the river. He walked down the bank further down below the rapids, swam across the river to grab Fiona and brought her so we'd all be on the same side of the river at that point. Whoa.

Then we had to climb up the escarpment up to where his wife Savannah was. We're now down to one boat, like a two-man kayak. Yeah. Wait, what happened to your canoe? It went over and went downstream? No, it's still there. It's at the bottom of the river. It's at the bottom of the falls.

Whoa. My neck would have been retashed to that if she hadn't mentioned about the rope because I didn't the rope was around. my neck. Oh, so there's so many ways you can get hurt, right? It's like, will you get hurt falling over and hitting a rock? Or will the boat hit you in the head or all the fucking flops them and jets them? I could have got caught on something underneath as well. Yeah. Horrible. Ooh. I don't know if Rob's got the pictures, but there's two pictures of the falls. Yeah, we let's see. Okay, yes. Or it shows the river. All you can see is rocks. Yeah, for the listener, he went down a rock face with a sliver cut out of it where the river

has rushed through. It's just solid rocks. Big, big, hard boulders. That looks like granite or something. Yep. Canadian Shielder, buddy. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah, this is not a great waterfall to go over. No, thank you. And is this a dead body? What have you covered with the Canadian flag? Oh, oh, no. That's the next part of the story. Oh, okay, great, great, great, great, okay.

Okay, so anyways, that was part of our party favors. We had a Canadian flag for Canada Day. We then decide that Fiona and I and Savannah are going to get into this two-man hobie. You don't have paddles with this. It's got flippers underneath. So the front passenger compartment, we had to take the paddles out so Fiona and I could sit in it. So all we've got is savanna in the back trying to paddle. So it was against a strong current. Oh, geez.

And Frank's trying to swim behind us. Oh, my God bless Frank. He's like, I'll take one for the team. So I kept yelling back for Frank. And, of course, he's trying to swim and he can't respond. So we actually got about a half a kilometer up the river. I kept calling out to Frank, and he wasn't responding. So I just, no more.

We're not going any further. And we decided to get off the boat and see what else we could do. Because we'd also almost capsize the hobby with the fast water. So then comes the body under the flags. There was actually three of us under there. Savannah, Fiona and I are under that Canadian flag. To keep warm or to smoke weed? What's going on under there?

The weeds gone down the river. Oh, no. The black flies and mosquitoes were just eating us alive. Oh. The reason why we had the picture was I said to Frank, start taking pictures. And he didn't stop. So he had one bar on his phone, and he called 911. 911 operator contacted the local fire department, and they said no.

And then we're in Seguin Township, and it's a volunteer fire department. And three fire personnel came down the river on a small aluminum boat. Wow. Wow. So around that time, an air ambulance starts circling up top. They can't come down and help us, but maybe just to let us know that somebody is around. And we were getting constant updates from the 911 operator. They're at the ramp for the lake.

That's about two kilometers up to the river. They're at the mouth of the river. They're on their way down. Oh, wow. Was anyone hurt? I lost my shoes. I bruised up both my ankles, my wrists. And then Fiona had bruising as well.

Around the time that the fire department showed up, search and rescue comes in with another helicopter. So it was fire department and two helicopters. We're pretty popular. Yeah, yeah. They've really deployed everyone. Well, luckily enough, they were in the area doing minors. maneuvers, so it only took them 45 minutes to an hour to get there. And did all four of you fit in this aluminum boat?

Well, there was already three big firemen in it. There's no way we could have. Plus, they had their hobby to take back out. So there's two SARS techs repelled down from the helicopter and pick Fiona and I up. Wow. Air lifted you on. Yeah. And you wouldn't believe the down draft from that thing, especially when you're right underneath it.

There was branches and leaves flying all over the place. What we were told later was the down draft actually knocked down three trees as well. Oh, my God. Whoa, whoa, whoa. There may be like 100 feet above here. Well, yeah, you got to assume the helicopter is like 10,000 pounds, which means it's deploying 10,000 pounds of force to lift itself up. So we could, like to say, we get in the helicopter.

The Sartek that was with me said, they're going to get you to the hospital, and they're going to wrap me in a warm bear hug. Oh. I didn't ask. He didn't explain. But apparently it's some sort of a warm sailing solution in a blanket. Oh, that sounds nice. Yeah.

Ward off hypothermia. Because I was shaking like crazy. Of course, I'm soaking wet still. They got us into the Perry Sound Hospital, the emergency department, and they were just phenomenal. They separated this, which kind of upset me a little bit because I wanted to be with Fiona. And I course, they do the procedure. They want to start cutting off all your clothes. And I said, no, you can't cut off the T-shirt. You can't cut off the T-shirt. Because the last time I was on that river with Frank, I capsized the canoe. We never made it to the falls. Wow, you keep going, though. It doesn't sound like you're an expert bower, but you keep at it. Normally, you'd admire that, but in this case, with water, I don't know if you should keep at it. But the T-shirt, the text on it is upside down and backwards, and it says, if you can read this, pull me back into the canoe. Oh, wow. Perfect.

Yeah, it was the ideal shirt. If I was picking you up on the rappel line, I would be like, was this premeditated? Exactly. I'm going to get this guy to fit. You're wearing the shirt and it happened. There's one stop away from a shirt that says, I love emergency rescue airlift rides. You know, it's like, oh, God, was this guy playing on this? They took like 24 x-rays of me and at least 10 of Fiona.

There was some sort of a shadow on her heart, so they were quite concerned about that. I thought they might have bruised her heart, but we both turned out fine. Oh, good. Wonderful. Hoofs, harrowing. Oh, it was. It was just devastating. I'd say about 8 o'clock that night.

We'd left in the morning, but 8 o'clock that night, Frank and Savannah finally got to the hospital, and it took them six hours to get back to their boat because of the strong current with the fire department. Oh, my God. Well, that's a very memorable Canada day, for sure. Maybe you're most eventful. Oh, yeah, it was phenomenal. So I was two weeks recovery at home.

And at the same time, when I got back, I called my boss because it was a company phone. I had them contact IT department to shut down the phone for security. When I did go into the office to pick up a replacement, I asked the IT guy, did you locate the phone? And he says, yeah, it's in the middle. of a lake. Ten miles down river, it made it, right? Because it was in a Ziploc bag and dry. Oh, wow. I also contacted Search and Rescue by email because I wanted to thank them. And I got an email back almost right away. He said, well, somebody will contact you within the next day or so. The next day, I got a call from the captain from Search and Rescue. And he says, I hear you want

to come down to Trenton, because why not, right? So we made a date trip about a month later to meet the crew and thank them. We get there. The captain meets us out, the base, escorts us in, thing, takes us to the hangar, and he says, okay, we've got to go upstairs to a meeting room. We get up there. The whole staff is there, and they do a morning debriefing for weather and stuff like that, because the SARS tax, they cover from the east side of the Rockies to Quebec, up to the Arctic Circle. That's their area. They're actually being prepared to go the next day up to the Arctic to do a training for a week.

Wow. Yeah, what specialist. So then after the presentation, they took us downstairs, and they brought the helicopters that rescued us out onto the tarmac and the whole crew was there and we got to formally thank them. That's lovely. Yeah, they had a base photographer there. That's one of the pictures, I think, that you guys have got. Yeah, lovely.

Oh, that's so nice. Yeah. What the base commander had said was they never hear from the people they do rescue and there's no status of what happened or anything else. They were really happy to hear from us and actually see us. But he says nine times out of ten, it's recovery. It gives them some closure as well. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you're one of the good stories. One of the few. We had our life jackets on and they were done up. That current was really strong. And I struggled just to keep the life vest down so I could maneuver. Oh, man. All of that with the rescue, that two helicopters, the emergency staff, and didn't cost us a send. Oh, look at that.

That's nice. That's really nice, yeah. That is enviable. Yeah, that could be a hefty bill. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. In the thousands, yeah. Well, John, it's lovely meeting you.

You sound like a real party. Well, I was my younger days. So I want to give a shout out if I may. Yes. My lovely wife Fiona, our daughter Haley, for introducing us to you guys and to Frank and Savannah as well. Oh, wonderful. When I got my contact email from Emma, we were on a boat, on a river with Frankins Laban.

Oh, my gosh. Head in towards a waterfall. No waterfall. No waterfall. Can I ask my wife and daughters come in? Sure, sure. Of course. Of course.

Thank you. Hi. Hi. How are you? Wonderful. Happy summer to y'all. Yes, and you. It's just so surreal to see both of your faces.

I'm such a huge fan. Oh, that's so nice. I can show you my sweater. I don't know if you can see it. Oh, that's a gross. Yeah. That's a good one. That is a goodie.

It is a good one. I can't wear it when I'm cooking because I make a mess of everything, cooking and eating. Same. I'm often shirtless for those activities. Well, it's lovely meeting all you guys. So much. Fiona. Hi, Fiona.

Hi, Fiona. He didn't cry because he always cries when he tells the story to get through it. We're sad. He didn't cry. We would have liked to cry. But it's a crazy story. Yeah, I'm glad you guys are both okay. Yeah.

Yeah, so are we. Thank you so much for taking the time. Of course. Have a great summer, okay? You too, guys. Hi. Bye. Bye.

Thank you. Hello. Who do we have here? I'm Evie. Hi, Evie. How are you? I'm good. How are you guys?

Wonderful. Where are you? I'm currently in the dark corners of our garage. Oh, okay. In what state or country? I'm in Toronto. Oh, nice. Back to back Canadians.

Yes, we just had another Canadian. You Canadians have a disproportionate amount of stories. You guys get yourself into some stuff. Yeah, yeah. You get a lot of hijinks. I'm in Toronto, just for the summary, in university out in Halifax most of the year. Oh, nice. So you're back home for the summer.

Yeah. And are you going out every night and seeing friends and having the most amount of fun? I am. I'm doing that while simultaneously. I'm doing my first internship at an engineering company. Oh, good for you. A little bit of both. Mechanical or civil?

I'm in chemical. Oh. Good for you. I understood chemistry, but something happened with the math at some point. And I was like, you know what? Fuck chemistry. Chemistry was hard for me as well. Yeah.

Honestly, I find it hard sometimes too. It is hard. Okay. So you're telling your cousin. story? Is that what's happening? So what's happening is my cousin on a whim submitted a story about me. Oh, okay, okay. From her perspective, because she was there the whole time it happened, except I had no idea, and I found out about this late last night. Oh, okay, wonderful. Fun. This is our first version of this. Yeah, we like it. It's like a surprise situation. But,

I'm so excited to be on and to be here. Yeah. So what happened? We don't know anything because it's wild card. So the story takes place up in northern Ontario. We kind of go there in the summer on Georgian Bay. It's kind of this island rock community. And there's a summer camp there that I've been growing up going to with my cousin McKenzie.

And one summer, it was my first summer working at the camp. I was freshly 16. First job. But, Mackenzie and I had been assigned a group of a ton of young campers who we hardly knew what to do with under the age of five. It was just like typical Ontario summer camp experience. One morning, I woke up and my dad is quite the weatherman. He's a sailor, so he's always giving us forecasts of what's going to happen in the day up there. Does he say red sky at night sailors delight a lot?

Yeah, he does. He does. I've never heard that. Sailors take warning. Oh, wow. Do you know that one? Red sky and morning sailors take warning. You know what?

That's actually applicable to this story. Oh, shit. Okay, someone didn't notice the red sky in the morning, maybe. That morning, he actually did, and he was obviously on the radar, and he saw this massive storm coming in. It was only supposed to last, like, an hour. So he's like, okay, go to work early, be careful, because we drive boats to get everywhere up there. So I drive my boat to work. We're in our morning meeting and our boss.

is kind of like, okay, there's this crazy storm coming. It's just when the parents and children are arriving. So it's going to be chaotic. Oh, God. We're going to meet in this spot, and then we're going to figure out a plan. And it's just like typical summer camp chaos. Everybody shows up. The campers are just drenched.

No one was prepared for the rain. Everyone's running around. People are dropping off their kids. There's parents involved yelling at the staff. We don't know where to go, what to do. And this storm was just insane. I've been up there my whole life. I've never seen something like this.

It came and in two seconds just torrential downpour. There was boats at the front docks that were sinking. Oh, my gosh. There's like this massive tree that's been there for decades that completely broke and fell down. Is there any lightning or just wind and rain? Yeah. That's when the lightning started coming. Oh, my God. A lightning strikes and then you're counting the seconds. And then it just keeps getting more and more intense. And this storm within half an hour just was the craziest thing I've ever seen up there. There's trees everywhere. And because it was COVID, they had set up these metal event tents drilled into the rock. And instead of meeting in the normal meeting place, the parents had to come drop the kids under these tents because obviously it's raining.

don't want everyone to get all wet. And then everyone's like, okay, this has gone crazy. Half the kids are there. Half the kids are gone. There's kids running around in the forest. Everyone's drenched. And they're like, okay, we're going inside. Masks on. Let's do it. We're getting out of there. So my cousin and I are trying to wrangle like eight kids under the age of five. Everyone's freaking out and everyone heads inside. Five is tiny. These kids got to be terrified. I'm back at the tent with a few other people trying to pick up their stuff and get the last few stranglers. And, And obviously that is probably the least ideal place to be in a storm like that on an island in the middle of a lake that's made out of rocks under a tent with metal poles. And out of nowhere, I just feel this insane jolt.

Oh, my God. Go through my body. Wait, wow. And you did not. Just so much pain. It has never happened. I never even spoke to somebody. Yeah. I mean, honestly, it's hard to put into words because not many people have experienced it. But all I can say is just this pain is all I remember in my chest, in my body.

How long did it take you to realize you had been struck? I presume you got struck by lightning. Yeah. So the thought is lots of people have their opinions. It's like this massive community. I'm known as lightning girl. Yeah. Reclame to fame. But the thought is that it. went through the tent and then into my leg somehow. Like it arced off the poles. Or maybe I touched it or something. It was such a brief.

I don't know exactly what happened in that moment. I just remember how painful it was. Oh. But I also wore these chunky silver rings everywhere in that time. Oh, no. They were kind of lined up with where I was hit on my leg. Oh. People maybe think that maybe that had something to do with it.

Was there evidence? of them arcing against each other or welding themselves to each other? No, but on my leg, I had a big blister on one side with like red all around. And I was wearing pants. So it's pretty crazy. But it took me a while. After that happened, I was put into just the most insane robotic state of shock. My cousin, who submitted the story, heard me scream when it happened.

But keep in mind, it's complete pandemonium around me. Everyone's freaking out. Everything's going wrong in that moment. And it's just a bunch of people trying to deal with all the other crises going on. You're one of many problems that's happening. Yeah. And there weren't that many people around. So my cousin just kept, she was like, okay, what?

And then just like kept trying to get the kids. And then I actually don't remember this because I was so messed up. But I went up to a coworker. And I said in the most robotic pale face, I think I just got electrocuted. She looks at me and she's like, what? And like, she keeps doing her thing. And I said that to multiple people. And no one was really, because that's not what you would expect from someone who just went

through so much pain. Right. Also, if I'm being honest, I would prefer you would say I just got hit by lightning. Because like, electricated is like what, you got zapped by the radio, but you're fine. I see that you're walking around. Like, yeah, let's talk about that in a few hours. She can't come up with the words in that moment, I'm sure. But don't you agree?

Well, sure. But also, I'd be like, no, you didn't. You're standing here. Yeah, just if someone said they were getting electrocuted, I would not think lightning. For some reason, that's all I could get out. And then I went up to an older coworker and I said, I think along the lines, the same thing. Just like, people describe it as just so quiet and monotone, which is not like, me at all. And he was like, okay, concerned. And then I couldn't say anything. I was like,

it hurts. And he was like, okay. And then I pulled down my pants and I was pointing at it. And I was like, this hurts. And then he saw that. And then all helped. He realized you had been struck. Yeah. And as soon as someone else started freaking out and more people go involved and they called an ambulance, I just lost it. I was screaming, hyperventilating, crying. I think everything just hit me. I think I was freaking myself out how much I was freaking out because I've just never been in that much panic and fear and shock and everything. So when they took you to the hospital, did they find anything? What do they do for that? Give you a glass of water, apple juice. They took me in the hospital in a boat to the station through this massive lightning storm.

Oh, this is. But yeah, then I went in the ambulance and I was just freaking out and they got me to the hospital and my mom came and met me and she recounts it as the most terrifying night of her life because I just would not stop freaking out. And I just kept repeating like I think I did I what like I was just so confused. You were literally frazzled. They took my blood work. I had to sleep and stay the next day in the cardiac ICU with all the heart monitors because I think that's the biggest concern when that happens. But luckily, it went in my leg and out the other side of my leg.

But there's speculation as to like if it had hit me somewhere else at that strength. Because my leg was tensing up and the muscles were really hurting. if it had hit me in the chest or something like that, it could have been. Heart attacks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Did you return to the job?

I did. Yeah, good for you. What a warrior. You must have been the queen of that camp after that, like, what do you mean you don't want to wake up early and clean the toilet? This bitch got hit by lighting. She's here, you know? Kind of makes sense that you're a chemical engineer.

A little bit, yeah. It's like all adding up. Also, that dad's obsessed with the weather. I hate to blame him, but I think he manifested this. Yeah, it's not his fault. No one should be that concerned about the weather. No, he told, he was, oh no. Yeah.

I'm sorry. No. Don't blame dad. It's like if all you think about is knife violence, you're going to get stuck up with a knife at some point. Let's hope this isn't the case. You're obsessed with a lot of violence. That's wild.

That's a one and done. I've never heard it. Yeah. We'll never hear it again. And you felt completely normal in a week or so? Yeah, I think the level of shock that, that it put me in took a while to wear off. My leg was really messed up for a while. Just kind of felt like an intense, bruise muscle situation going on. But yeah, I was really lucky, honestly,

besides that, I healed up. I was back to work in like a week and a half had the best summer ever. Oh, I love it. And is your cousin going to join us to say hi? Yeah. Cousin time. Kelsey. Hi. Hi. You did a nice thing you sacrificed. Oh, well, Evie did a nice thing and agreed to go. Are you a Canadian, too? Have you been to this camp? Oh, you were there. You were there. Yeah, you were close.

Yes, yes. I was at the camp as well. I was the head staff, so got a little bit of grief for this. How far away was she when this happened? Like right beside me. Oh, my God. So I always wonder how loud the thunder would be if you're in the lightning. Was it so loud? It was pretty loud. Lots and lots of screaming toddlers. Yeah, the whole thing was probably just a disaster. A bunch of teenagers in charge. Yeah, it's a mess. Yeah. And camp drop off is normally a disaster for four-year-olds anyway when the weather is nice, let alone when the weather is crazy. So I'm sure you can imagine. Oh, man. Well, it's lovely meeting both of you. Yes. Evie, thanks for telling us that story. I didn't know that I'd ever talk to someone that was hit by lining. No problem.

When people say to you, like, because it comes up in colloquial conversation, someone go like, oh, you shouldn't worry about that. You're more likely to get hit by lightning. People have probably said that to you not knowing you've been hit by lightning, yeah? You're like, well? Yeah, I've heard that multiple times. Yeah, I would live for that moment. I know.

Yeah, I would just be like trying to goad people into saying that sentence to me. I'm just so worried about getting hitting that with a coconut. And they go. You have more of a chance of getting struck by lightning. Well, then I'm fucked because I've been struck by lightning. and I would launch into my story. Well, this was fun. Thank you, ladies.

It was fun to meet the cousins. Thank you so much. I'm nice to meet you guys. Yeah, have a fun internship. Oh, yes. Get drunk a lot. Hang with your friends. Eat a lot of avocado toast and have a good summer.

Oh, wow. That was a wild thing to throw in there. Thank you. Bye. Bye, bye. You know young people eat avocado toast. Oh, you are so. They were so.

No, that's a millennial thing in quotes. And it's also not a thing. It's not true. That's not true. I bet younger people eat avocado toasts way more than all people. No. No. You just read the recent avocado report?

Well, I am a millennial. They're gen Zers. They're eating like cigarettes. Is this Aaron? It is. Hello. Hi, Aaron. We just met someone that was struck by lightning.

Have you ever met anyone struck by lightning? I have not. Not that I'm aware of, at least. Same. I kind of ruled it out at 51 that I was ever going to meet anyone that was struck by lightning. You know, it is going to be hard now for me. That's going to be hard to unhear. Because now that we know someone, it's like, it could be us. New fear unlocked. Correct. Aaron, where are you? I am in Minnesota. This is crazy. We had another Minnesota today. We have two Canadians and two Minnesotians. And there's some connective tissue between y'all. You all are very polite. Yes, that plays into my story. Oh, wonderful. And are you born? And are you born?

and raised there or have you relocated to there? I was born and raised in Wisconsin. So pretty much Minnesota. Yeah, a lot of flip-flop between. So, Aaron, what line of work are you in? I am in early education. Oh, congrats to you. Okay.

I mean, congrats to us that we have. Yeah, definitely congrats to us. That's what I mean. I remember when we would drop our two and four-year-old off at daycare and I just thought, like, thank God I get a break. And then I'm like, these three humans inside are going to deal with like, I know. 25 of the, it's incredible.

I tip my hat to you. But does the day fly by? Yes, I'm not in the classroom anymore. I do more admin kind of trading. But yeah, when you've got 14 toddlers running around, it goes pretty quickly. I bet it boogies. Okay, so you have a wild card story, which means we know nothing about that. I see a stack of photos that are turned over.

Yeah, we're excited. Perfect. So my story takes place in December of 2018. me and my best friend Lauren had just moved to the cities, which is like Minneapolis, St. Paul, in Minnesota. Cute. You guys call it the cities? We call it the cities, yes. Oh, I like you. Twin Cities. Yeah, I know Twin Cities, but just cities is cool. Do anyone call them TCs? Or Twin Peaks? We call it the TC Marathons, like the Twin Cities Marathon. Okay. Okay, great, great. And then just a little backstory. So as I mentioned, I grew up in Wisconsin, a really small town, about 3,000 people. So, like, low crime, not really having to be,

like on guard, I would leave my keys in the ignition in my car overnight. So the city is like new to me. So it's December. Me and Lauren decide on a Friday night we're going to go over to our friend Beth's house. And Beth, it's her birthday weekend. And she was going through or just recently got divorced. So we're just trying to like amp her up and have a good time.

And Beth is a really beautiful singer. And so we were like, well, what better than to do karaoke? So as we're looking, all of the familiar bars that we know that do karaoke, do karaoke on And so we were like, well, shit, we have to find a bar that does it on Friday. And so we're Googling, we're calling. We find a place. We're not familiar with it, but we're like, whatever. We've been at Beth's for a few hours pre-gaming.

Pre-gaming in Minnesota means that you're already pretty much blackout drunk. Yeah, yeah. So we're up for anything at this point. So we call an Uber. We pull up to the bar and immediately we're like, okay, this is not our normal vibe. A good comparison was in horrible bosses where they pull up to the bar to meet Jamie Fox's character and it's just very evident they don't belong. Yeah, yeah, uh-huh. That was the vibe when we walked in. Everybody kind of turned and looked and was like, who are you? Why are you here? And we're like,

all right, we're moving forward. We see the karaoke bar set up. We're like, this is great. And it honestly ends up being an awesome night. There was nobody else singing karaoke. So we just sang song after song after song. We met some of the other patrons there. We did some group songs. We did some couple songs. Like it was a really good time. And at some point, this woman kind of took to us. She was one of those people were like every time you turned around, she was just kind of there. And you were like, oh, geez, where did you come from?

And it was clear that she kind of had interest in Beth. So she was like kind of making some inappropriate comments, touching her more than you would generally touch a stranger. Okay. It's kind of coming on to her. Which is at all, I would say. Yeah. So we have a good time.

It's bar closed. We've got to go. So we call the Uber. We're waiting outside. And this woman follows us. and starts making comments, like she's going to come to Beth's house with us. And we're from the Midwest, so we're like, well, we're not going to confront that head on. We're just going to ignore it.

And we don't want to make her feel awkward. And that was a mistake. We should have confronted her because she got in the Uber with us. No. Came back with us to Beth's house. How old is this woman? I mean, like she's older. Yes.

She was 40s, 50s, maybe. And she was like 100 pounds soaking wet. So she's just a little nugget. Okay. So you can take her. Yeah, she gets wily. Yes. So we're in the Uber.

The three of us are texting like, what are we going to do when we get there? And Beth's on the hot seat because she wants a piece of Beth, right? That's what she's coming back to the house for. Oh, God. That's what we are thinking. Yes. Okay. So we come up with this plan that we're just going to act like we're all going home for the night.

Like the night's done. We're not staying at Beth's. We're going home. So we get out. Well, first, Lauren, who called the Uber, she told the Uber driver. She's like, take this woman wherever she needs to go. I will pay for it. Like, it's fine.

And so he's like, okay, what address do you need? Let's go. And she ignores him and just gets out of the Uber with us. We're like, okay. So Beth goes to her house. Me and Lauren start walking to Lauren's car. And this lady starts following us. We're like, okay, we're going to commit to the bit.

We get in the car. We buckle up. Side note, Lauren drove a two-door coop at that time. So small car. There's no room for passengers. So we think this is a shoe in. She's going to get the picture and leave. She does not.

she proceeds to sit on my lap. No. What? In the car while we're both buckled in. So we start asking politely. We're like, can you please leave? This isn't going to continue. Like the night is over.

Please get out. Please get out. And she's not getting out. So finally, I got annoyed and I kind of like shoved her. And I was like, get the fuck out. Like, what are you doing? Yeah. And that upset her.

Oh, I heard her feelings. So at that point, she reached across me and like tried to grab my purse. but it was wrapped around the emergency break. So she's kind of tugging at that for a while, realizes that's not going to happen. She wanted to hang, but if she can't hang now, she wants to steal your purse. She maybe always wanted to. Oh, maybe she had her eye on that purse. Maybe Beth was a red herring.

Yeah, I don't know. The funny part is I had about $3 to my name at that point. So she wanted to steal my purse. She very well could have. So, Monica, I don't know if you remember the hairstyle of the top knot in 2018. Of course. I still rock a top. So that was what I was rocking that night.

So at that point, she grabbed me by the top knot and just starts beating the shit out of my day. Stop it. Are you serious? This little 100 pound. You guys picked up a stray cat is what happened. And now the cat's quine. She very well could have been. Yes.

We were like, we were buckled in. So that's why we couldn't fight back. Sure. So yeah, she gets at least like 10 punches in. It felt like her fingers were going like inside my eye socket. Like, it was so painful. And so after about 10 punches, Lauren, who's next to me, finally. Wakes up.

Yeah. Oh, I need to do something. Yes. She chose freeze, right? That's one of the four options. And then she froze for so long. She rethought. I was like, you know what, actually, I am going to get involved.

No, I've had time to think. Yeah, she had to think it there. She's a processor. She reaches across and tries hitting the lady's arm that was holding on to my hair, at which point that made her even more angry. So she so swiftly reaches across, punches Lauren's square in the face. Lauren's nose immediately starts gushing blood. Oh, my God.

This plan went to hell in a ham basket. Seriously. One punch was all it took for Lauren to then be like, oh, we need to get out of here. This isn't good. So at which point she puts her foot on the gas and we just drive away. No idea what happened to the woman. She at that point was out of the car, like beating us up. So the door is open.

we're driving down the road. I got to tip my hat to this 100-pound woman. I mean, there's two of you, you're youthful. Yeah. What about bad? You guys are speeding away in terror. Back at her house, she told us that she could hear the screams and was like about to dial 911, but we had been drinking so she didn't want to like get us trouble.

She was like, what do I do? This is a real Sophie's choice. Yeah. Drive drunk or continue to get assaulted. So we're driving down the road. We pull over into a parking lot and just kind of regroup. I shut the car door. we decide to go back to our apartment.

We get in, we're grabbing like frozen vegetables from the freezer and putting them on our face. And then we just kind of like sat there for the rest of the night trying to process like what the hell just happened. And that story has gone on to be told so many times. But that is how Midwestern girls were too afraid to hurt somebody's feelings and ended up getting the shit. Yeah. Okay, so the photos. I get to see photos. Let's see what we got here.

Oh, is this the mom beat out? Oh, my God. She really fucked you guys up, dude. Oh, my God. This is bigger than I was expecting. This is so bad. You guys are so happy about it, too.

Oh, my God. Hilarious. Really black eyes. Also, your eyes so beautiful. You have the most beautiful blue eye. Oh, my God. Blue eye. Well, you'll see.

Yeah, literally, when I's closed, it looks like you fought a professional fight. I want to meet this fucking spark plug. This gal's a party. Fucking rearing to go, horny for Beth, ready to throw down. What a lady. Oh, man. She's someone's grandma, I bet.

Probably. I do have Lauren with me. Oh, yeah. To say hello. Hi, Lauren. Listen, who do you think got the worst of it? I feel like Aaron got the worst of it. You both look pretty bad.

Yeah. Aaron had about 10 easy punches to the eyes. Ten punches versus the one. But yeah, you got the nose, which is tough. I mean, I've been in a lot of fights, Aaron. I've never looked this bad after. Yeah, this is bad. This is really bad.

Truly. I mean, I've had a broken nose, but that's probably the only thing that would rival. I'm glad you didn't get your teeth. You have such a nice smile. Yeah, or that one eye. I'm glad she left the one eye alone. I did have some missing eyelashes for a while, but those did grow back nicely. Were you afraid?

you got like rabies or something, I would be afraid of that. You know, I don't think that crossed our mind. Nope. I definitely didn't. I found a couple guys in my day where I was like, I need to get an AIDS test afterwards. Like there was blood exchange. Or tedness. Yeah, I think that guy's an intervening as drug user I just fought.

Oh, man. Wow, well, you guys, you have a story. Yeah, you're fun. Thank you. You had the perfect attitude to get beat up. That's the only way to do it, ladies. You did it perfectly. You just take your licks and you try to have as many laughs about it as you can.

We just couldn't stop laughing after we got beat up. Okay, good. Yes, that's a dream. Aaron and I have been there. Yeah, that's the best response. Well, it's lovely meeting you guys. Yes, you too. Enjoy that summer.

Find some karaoke. And let's go round two with this bitch. Let's see if it might be your turn. Absolutely. We'll be practicing this time. All right. Bye. Bye.

Wow. That was life affirming. Weirdly. Well, you know, it's wild out there. It's a wild and crazy life. These girls are really beat to a pulp. I know. I don't think people would really believe a fucked-up thing up.

They got from a 90. I've made her 90 pounds. Yeah, you keep. I'd punch up jokes. A hundred is just perfect. Can't believe she was so scrappy. Orny and scrappy. All right.

Well, that was a fun wild card. Love you. Love you. Do you want to sing a tune or something? We don't have a song. Oh. We don't have a song. for this new show

So here I go, go, go We're gonna ask some random questions And with the help of our Cherry's book and some suggestions On the flyer rhymedish On the flyer rhymedish Enjoy