Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Bobby Lee
Episode Date: May 13, 2024Bobby Lee (Sweet Dreams, TigerBelly, Bad Friends) is an actor and comedian. Bobby joins the Armchair Expert to discuss his complicated relationship with his parents, how he feels about dating a fan, a...nd getting sober at a young age. Bobby and Dax talk about how they used to punish themselves for failing, what their experience with psychotherapy has been, and how far they would go with Brad Pitt. Bobby explains the pressures he felt getting cast on Mad TV, the guilt of relapsing, and the debate of audio vs video podcasts. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert.
I'm Dak Shepard, I'm joined by Monica Padman.
That's us.
How you doing?
Pretty good, my ear re-reaches.
You're in it a lot.
I've been watching you dig in it with your pinky.
I know, I feel like there's bugs that went in there.
God, this reminds me of my favorite thing
I think I've told you in the past,
and weirdly this guest is,
this is the perfect time to say this.
Okay.
Because Bobby Lee lets it all hang out.
Yeah, he does.
So Bree was in Guatemala, you know about this,
and she had a crazy ear infection,
and then she ultimately finally went to the doctor,
and the doctor pulled out the most beautiful object
I've ever seen in my life.
It was like, if you can imagine when they cut off
a pretty huge chunk of hard cheese, like out of a cheese wheel, it was like, it was like, if you can imagine when they cut off a pretty huge chunk of hard cheese,
like out of a cheese wheel, it was like,
it was big and it was cobalt blue.
It was impossibly blue.
No, it was just, it was gorgeous.
If you look at our faces on that quilt, it was that color.
It did not look like a color a human being could create.
Do you think it was something got in there?
Maybe that was a rock that got in her ear.
Or a pen.
Right.
It looks so unhuman, but it was undeniably beautiful.
It looked like a crazy jewel had been.
Did she keep it?
Yeah, so she came home with this plastic cylinder,
and we would just lay in bed and stare at the thing
and hold it up to the light.
In fact, I have half a mind to ask her if she still has it.
What treasure.
That is a treasure.
Oh my God.
A life's treasure.
Okay, listen, I had so much fun in this fucking interview.
I mean, this really was so much fun.
It was.
I love Bobby Lee.
He is so funny and honest.
Really funny.
And wonderful, and cheers to Robbie Rob, Wobby Wob,
who has been for a long time saying like,
you gotta get Bobby and he's so great.
And we finally did and I'm so glad.
Bobby Lee was on Mad TV for years.
He was in Borderlands, The Dictator, Pineapple Express,
and he has two very, very popular and successful podcasts,
both Tiger Belly and Bad Friends.
And alas, he is here today to talk about his new movie,
Sweet Dreams.
So guys, just really hop in a lawn chair
and pour some sun tea,
because this is a real party.
Please enjoy Bobby Lee.
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He's an upchair expert.
He's an upchair expert.
He's an upchair expert.
Hey, if you guys don't mind, I'm going do some tobacco for my gums, because my gums
get sick.
Okay, that's good.
Yeah, and they get really achy, so I need tobacco for them.
I had the same ailment on my gums up until January 1st.
Oh, really?
Yeah, I'm 100 days off.
But can I just say something?
Your gums seem like it's missing the stuff.
They look unhealthy, don't they?
They miss you, don't they?
You were offered all the things?
I mean, this guy I've known for so long, I don't trust him.
Can I do this, like this?
I mean, I was supposed to say that, my bad.
Oh, crisscross applesauce.
Is it bad Indian style? What does that mean? We're just sitting.
Well, that's what's interesting. It begs the question,
are they referring to Native Americans or people from India?
It makes the most sense, people from India.
And then, I don't know why that's offensive,
if they invented that style of sitting. I don't know why that's offensive,
if they invented that style of sitting.
I don't think they invented it.
Exactly, I don't think they invented it.
So it's, I guess, probably relating
to how they sit for prayer.
But you know how people do this?
This is not China style, is it?
Yes!
I don't know, really?
No, for sure.
Oh, maybe.
Well, look, this is known in social sciences.
The reason Asians are so good at math
is because of rice production. Because
there's so much math in rice production. Are you being real right now? I'm being dead real. Just
like westerners brains evolve because they learn to read from Martin Luther spreading literacy,
their brain physically changed. So there is lots of science behind the math in the rice production
because there's so much math in it. You know, can I just say something, Dax? Yes. Before you podcast
it, I thought he's a good actor. He's funny guy. And then you started this and it. You know, could I just say something, Dex? Yes. Before you podcasted, I thought, he's a good actor, he's a funny guy.
And then you started this and it was just like,
oh my God, he's smart too.
And it drives me crazy.
Why do you do all of it?
Anyway, I've always wanted to do this.
I'm so glad I'm here.
And Monica, it was really good to meet you
and thank you for having me.
You got it down?
What?
My name.
Monica.
Yeah, that's right.
He practiced before you came up.
Well, I go, who's that?
And then I forgot it was Monica.
And then I go, Monica, Monica in my mind, you know what I mean?
So it's good to see you, Monica.
It's good to see you too.
Well, also it is a painting of her.
It's not the most photorealistic painting.
Now, if you were to confuse that painting,
that's a bummer because that's baby Monica.
I already know that because I asked Rob,
who's that? Is that Dax's child?
Yeah. And you go, it's Monica as a baby. In some that, because I asked Rob, who's that, is that Dax's child?
Yeah.
And he goes, it's Monica's baby.
In some ways, yes.
Is that not the cutest baby you've ever seen?
Genetically great.
Thanks.
Yeah, yeah, and I'm pretty sure the insides are good too.
The insides are doing okay.
But what a beautiful baby.
I was a cute baby.
You have a little brother.
Steve, yeah.
How much younger?
He's three years younger, and I'm proud of him.
He has 15 years sober, which is great.
None of us have kids or anything.
No, I'm more meant family disease.
Oh really?
Yes.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Everyone in my family is either sober
or it went the other way.
Then let me ask you about this.
A lot of people think that alcoholism is hereditary
and that some people think it's trauma
and things of that nature that turns somebody alcoholic.
What is your take on it?
I have heard said, I think Bernay Brown said this,
that genetics is the gun and trauma is the bullet.
So I believe there's a genetic predisposition to it,
but I also think that if you have trauma
and you can no longer self-regulate
and you already have this gene,
of course that's gonna happen.
It's a combo.
Genetics loads the gun and trauma pulls the trigger.
Oh, that's it.
Wow.
Much better.
So what you're saying to me is,
I was born Bobbie Lee,
but I lived with the Asian version of the Huxtables,
aside from Bill Cosby.
Yeah, because that's trauma right there.
That's trauma, that's right.
Let me do another family.
The Cleavers.
The Cleavers, thank you.
Auto-repression there.
Oh, Bob.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Homophobia.
Yeah, the Bunkers.
Who are they? Archie Barker? Oh, Archie. Oh, boy. Wellophobia. Yeah, the bunkers. Who are they?
Archie Bunker?
Oh, Archie.
Oh, boy.
Well, he's abusive verbally.
He's also racist, right?
Yeah, exactly.
That wouldn't be great.
But in a very charming way.
Yeah, yeah.
What's another TV family that I could do?
I know one.
Jean-Luc Picard's son.
Wait, who is he?
Jean-Luc Picard from Star Trek Next Generation.
Oh, okay.
Right?
If he had a son, he's a good guy.
I was the captain's son. I lived on the Enterprise. Oh, okay, right if he had a son, he's a good guy. I was the captain's son. I lived on the Enterprise
Oh, okay, right. I'm also mixed with like I see war like a Klingon and Romulan. You know cultured almost right hold on
You don't feel other your culture, but you are also embroiled in war and adrenaline. Can we go with the severs?
Do you remember them? It's my life, but okay
Do you remember the severs? No, who's the Seavers?
He has since become a very big Christian.
No, no, no, no, I don't want to.
No, no, but that's the actor.
Oh, and my first agent was his mother.
Yeah, Seavers was Full House's
Candace Cameron's brother, right?
Kirk Cameron.
Remember Kirk Cameron's show?
Oh yeah, what's that show called?
Yes, with the growing pains.
The growing pains. They! The growing pains!
They were the Seavers.
They were the Seavers.
I think that's the one we land on.
Because they were liberal.
But Kirk Cameron, as a brother, is Kirk Cameron my brother?
No, he's not your brother.
Well, not Kirk Cameron, the character is your brother.
But deep down inside there's some hardcore Christianity.
No, no, that's not present in Mike Seavers.
He doesn't come to Christianity until much later in life.
Well then why can't I just go back to the Huxtables because then he's playing Dr. Huxtable.
He's not Bill Cosby.
Okay, well fine. Let's go to the Huxtables.
All roads lead back to the Huxtables.
Good. Let's go back.
So if I was a part of the Huxtables but I had the gene, I wouldn't have been an alcoholic.
Is that what you're saying? Because I had such a great upbringing?
Well look, I'm about to find out, right? Because I have two little kids who have my genes.
There isn't a break in the cycle that I can see.
I'm about to do that show, Finding Your Roots.
Maybe we'll find a shepherd that wasn't an alcoholic.
To my knowledge, there wasn't one.
So we're about to find out, really.
Because thus far, at least,
my kids haven't experienced the stuff I did.
Wow, do you lay in bed worrying about it?
I don't.
You know, my dad was enormously cool about this
cause my dad was sober.
He got sober when I was 14.
In 12 steps.
Yeah, in AA. Wow.
And he watched me go through the whole ride
and clearly knew what was going on.
And he was so chill about it.
He's like, look, you know where to come.
You've been to meetings with me.
When you're ready, I know you won't go till you're ready.
So I'm just hanging.
You know, my mother was terrified,
but he had the most chill disposition about it.
He understands what you need to go through to get sober,
and he probably feels bad because he knows
that you're gonna go through a lot of spiritual pain
and whatnot, but he knows that there's a home
and there's a hope for you.
Unlike my parents, we're old school Koreans,
they didn't really speak English,
they don't know what alcoholism is,
even though my dad wasn't an alcoholic.
My dad kept calling AA, ah. Oh my. Why you go ah? Koreans, they didn't really speak English. They don't know what alcoholism is, even though my dad wasn't an alcoholic.
My dad kept calling AA, ah.
Why you go ah?
I go, AA, I don't know, you understand what I'm saying?
Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack.
He was like a violent rage-aholic.
And then when I went to rehabs in high school,
they wouldn't really go to the parental,
like the group therapies and stuff,
because they just didn't understand,
they felt uncomfortable.
Culturally, it's so white to do Greek Greek therapy
Yeah, therapy. Yeah
therapy at all
But then I think groups even like another like X Games
I did group therapy with my dad one time it was called knees to knees
So I was at the McDonald Center in La Jolla and it's no longer there, but it's a rehab the family's come
They all form a gigantic circle
in the auditorium, and then there's two chairs
in the center of the circle, and a father,
and a son, or a mother, and a daughter, whatever,
they get in the center of the circle,
and they touch knees, and then the son reveals something
about their past that their parents don't know.
So I told my dad that I was molested
by a guy with Down syndrome.
I unfortunately heard you tell this story.
When I was living in Minnesota.
Is this real? No, this is real.
Okay, okay.
This is gonna be hard for us.
You should hear him trying to tell this story
to two other comedians on their podcast,
and they were prepared to hear him say he got molested.
They've braced themselves, right?
Yeah, yeah.
And then he hits them with the Down syndrome,
and then he hits them with every day for a whole summer,
and now they think.
Are you keep adding on?
Yes, every time we get stable.
Oh my okay
I tell my dad that and then there was like this pause in the room and he went
He laughed and then my brother
My brother and my mom
And then I start laughing and then everyone starts laughing. It was so weird
You broke some time so good to it out, because that was in me.
It probably would have been worse
if everyone started crying.
Like wouldn't you have felt even more like, oh God.
Yeah, maybe, I don't know.
But in retrospect, it was a funny experience,
I guess, in memory.
Story.
And I think for people on the outside
who haven't grown up in a lot of chaos, that sounds crazy.
But I definitely think if you're under fire a lot,
it's the only option.
Every family I knew that was in the situations I was in,
or all my friends who were divorced parents
and step dads running through
were boyfriends that were alcoholic.
Everyone had a huge sense of humor about it.
I don't think you had an option.
So we were talking about what causes it.
So now I'm getting a better understanding
about why I think I am who I am.
Yes.
Thank you so much for clearing.
I've thought about it for years
and I never thought maybe it could be both.
Well, I think everyone wants more than anything
just for efficiency and laziness
for everything to be one explanation.
There's a chapter in this Malcolm Gladwell book
about airplane crashes.
It's never one thing.
An airplane almost never crashes
because the wing broke or the engine went out.
It's always four or five things go wrong
and it hits critical mass and then it crashes.
I think we're the same.
To try to like figure out the silver bullet of addiction
I think is not realistic.
Yeah.
How old were mom and dad when they came from Korea
and were they together when they were there already?
No, so my dad came first, made it to LA late 60s
and then my mom's brother-in-law knew my dad's brother
They met through that but my mom didn't like my dad because he drank a lot and he was weird already
Yeah already. I guess he was stalking or whatever. So then she moved to Wisconsin
Oh my goodness, and then he followed her there double down. He doubled down. Yeah. Yeah
Which in the 60s was romantic now, it's scary. But he showed up with steak.
I guess Koreans really like meat.
The barbecues are on every block.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So he bought this nice piece of steak
and brought it to her house, and I guess that won her over.
It is romantic.
Yeah.
That makes me sad for her.
That it worked that quickly.
So my mom, during the Korean War,
she witnessed her sister, my aunt,
get run over by a military truck.
Right, and like she had to go up to the house,
grab rice bags with my grandmother and my grandfather,
my uncles and aunts, and they had to pick my aunt up,
her body parts.
It's okay.
How old was she?
This is awful.
It's fine, it's fine, it's fine.
See, you would not have done well with this crying.
We lived through it, we lived through it.
How old was she?
She was like eight or nine years old.
Older sister or younger sister?
Younger, no, older, older, older, older, older, yeah.
Then they buried my aunt and then she comes to America
and meets my dad who was like this
alcoholic, rage-a-holic, violent guy.
Just trauma on top of trauma on top of trauma.
Old school immigrants, they get layers of skin
to protect their heart.
Pachyderms.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so when my dad died, she was devastated, obviously,
but you could also see weight lifted.
Relief, yeah.
It was weird, like she could breathe.
She's been attached to a time bomb
that went off all the time
and just anticipating their next explosion.
How fucking stressful.
If I hear a loud noise, I instantly go into trauma.
He's one of those explosive guys.
He used to be eating with the family,
and then he would just overturn the table.
I always wanted to do that.
Like sometimes I wish I was a worse person,
because I've seen it in movies,
and I have one to do it.
Me too, I've owned one. It seems like the ultimate dad movie.
One of the tablecloth thing.
Oh, that's more of a magic trick.
Yeah, yeah.
Still, still, there's two things involving table
I've always wanted to do.
Yeah, yeah.
We could do the latter, no problem.
Because that's not as traumatic as the tablecloth.
No, that's cool.
No, everyone's like, whoa.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the other one is like, I need alcohol or something
to regulate myself.
Now if I'm at a coffee shop or whatever,
and I hear anything, I instantly go into that flight mode.
I mean, I'm more of a freezer.
In fact, it seeped into auditions.
Can I ask just really quickly,
when dad would get that way,
would you try to basically just disappear,
like to be invisible so that you didn't catch the wrath?
You were always gonna get the wrath.
There was no running.
So I think I resorted more to freeze.
So I would just freeze and take it.
And I tried to run away from home a couple of times.
I always came back.
Would you try to cheer mom up in these moments?
Is this the birth of comedy?
I'm not even, I know it's such a cheesy question.
Over time I built resentment toward her
for not really protecting us.
So there was a time where I was mad at her as well.
And she would also not close fist punch you,
but she would be very physical with you too.
Culturally, I only have one other friend
I've talked about this with.
Her parents are from Korea.
She was actually born in Korea.
But she's like, no, no, I got my ass kicked.
That's what they do.
That's what they do.
So do you think maybe culturally,
it wasn't even unique to your dad.
Maybe bow, that's cultural too. to your dad. Yeah, maybe bow.
I mean, that's cultural too.
Maybe pick that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do something other than that.
Right, right.
But yeah, it was cultural.
And also they didn't speak a lot of English.
Did they feel as strange from you at all?
Or obviously you speak Korean.
No.
You don't.
I know like six words.
Oh my God. I can understand it.
Like if I watch Squid Games,
I don't need the subtitles maybe, I don't know,
but I still do.
You watch Physical 100? Are you Physical 100? My favorite show. Maybe I don't know but I still do you watch physical
100 are you physical 100 my favorite?
100 no, this is show it's a Korean reality show that I'm obsessed with who has the best physique. Is it good?
It's incredible. They're all Koreans. They're all Korean. Well, there's a couple of whiteys in there. Oh, really?
I'm so curious how these whiteys found themselves in Korea
Reality show about bodies. I'm very interested in those. Is that on Netflix? It's on that one
I'm gonna watch it. There Is that on Netflix? It's on Netflix.
I'm gonna watch it.
There's two seasons and it's phenomenal.
Okay, physical.
But I have a great suspicion that the dubbing
isn't at all what they're saying
and I really need someone to solve that for me.
Okay.
Okay, I'll be the guy.
You'll take that on.
And me and that person will do it.
Also, there's certain words in Korean
that you can't even translate into English.
Right, there's no comp.
There's one word, because me, my friend Jane, and Dumbfounded
were at a Korean restaurant the other day,
and there's a word called nunchi.
Nunchi.
Say it with me.
I'm afraid.
I don't think we're allowed to laugh.
I'm so sorry.
Nunchi.
I want to so bad.
I can tell it feels good.
And when I'm by myself tonight in my shower, I'm going to do it.
Yeah, do it alone. Yes, I'm going myself tonight in my shower, I'm gonna do it.
Yeah, do it alone.
Yes, I'm gonna do it alone.
I'm gonna love it.
Yeah, it's just like that.
Yeah, just groan it out for us.
Yeah, I am.
Because you wanna get the spirit of it
before you even get.
Dude, you know about words, huh?
You're the best.
Hit me one more time.
Nunchi.
I feel like you're about to draw a sword on me.
But it's not a bad word, it's a great word.
Oh, great.
What's it kind of mean?
So, nunchi is instinct, but it's far more than that.
It's about etiquette, it's about reading.
Like reading the room?
Yeah, reading the room is a part of it.
Knowing your place, maybe?
Let's say I'm going to a red carpet event,
which I do often.
Of course, I constantly see you at those.
And I'm bringing a date who's not in the business.
Right, of course.
Try to wow them.
Yeah, I try to wow them.
It really works.
I know.
Red carpets really do it.
They're very bright.
They get your attention.
Yeah, yeah.
And then I'm maybe taking a photo
with somebody that people know,
but then if my date goes, can I get a selfie with you?
She doesn't know Noonchi.
She doesn't know Noonchi.
Oh, I see.
You go, no Noonchi.
No.
But I don't say it. It's kind of like social awareness.
That's exactly what it is.
Social awareness is a part of it as well, right?
So noon-chi is a word in Korean.
So maybe when you're watching your reality show,
some of the words aren't translated correctly.
Well, that's true.
They're like, there's not even a direct translation.
The irony is if we had said that right now on the podcast,
we wouldn't have it.
Oh, correct.
It would have been a display that we don't have it. We wouldn't be socially aware if we were saying it
I don't understand. Please Monica. We're not allowed to say the word
Well, you can say the word
You just can't do what I'm gonna do in the shower
One more time yeah
Cuz I'm only gonna write tonight
Noonchi Yeah, because I'm only gonna write tonight. Nunchi.
Fuck, it sounds so good.
That sounds really nice.
Yeah.
Why don't people have nunchi?
Well, do you think all Koreans have nunchi?
Obviously the word exists because people don't have nunchi.
That's what I gotta point it out.
The bigger question is why is that so important there that it requires its own word?
And I would argue that in a more collectivist mentality,
tall poppy's a bigger thing or individuality or these things that you would stick out from the group
might be a little higher stakes.
That makes sense.
Whereas here, no noon cheese almost rewarded, hourly.
Oh, it is?
Don't you see?
The person does go get a photo with someone they shouldn't and then they pause
and then they get a bunch of attention and no one's going like, why the, you know?
Yeah, I'm going to tell you the worst noon noon chi no noon chi story you've ever heard. This should be a children's book
So you have to be the singer Monica
So when I was on mad TV many, many years ago, right,
this is probably 2001, 2002,
obviously you've been to the up fronts.
Yep.
So if you get on a show, right, and it gets picked up,
they fly all the networks in one week.
Every night is a different network.
So Tuesday night's Fox night or whatever, right?
And so they fly you out, nice hotel.
Sidebar. Go ahead.
Funnest flights in the world,
cause you're there with all these actors you recognize.
The best. In fact, if you're really obsessed with celebrity, that would be the move is just book yourself on a flights in the world, because you're there with all these actors you recognize. The best.
In fact, if you're really obsessed with celebrity,
that would be the move is just book yourself
on a flight in New York, LA.
Around that time, you're gonna see like seven or eight.
And you also feel like, oh, am I cool too?
A part of this, yes, yes, yes.
One of my favorite moments, sorry, another sidebar.
About to fly to the out front,
I'm in the first class lounge at LA,
and Will Arnott happens to have a show on NBC.
I have a show on NBC,
and then Jason Ritter has a show on NBC.
The three of us go into the bathroom.
We're peeing at three urinals.
Some poor guy in a stall is pooping, I guess.
Losing his ass.
He farts so loud in the middle of this
and Arnett goes, get some!
Like he threw.
He threw a get some out.
It's so funny.
He threw a get some out.
From the three of us, he started laughing so fucking hard. But you're never at the first Klaus Lange It's so funny through a Gitsum out.
From the three of us, she started laughing so fucking hard.
But you're never at the first Klaus Lange
with like 10 comedians on the toilet with you.
Yeah. Wow, wow, wow.
Okay, so Upfronts, yes, they try you out.
I met this girl in a meeting.
Right. Right.
And she was super hot, open micro comedian.
And I thought she was very attractive.
This is like a month before Upfronts.
And then she kind of made it seem like maybe there's something like an idiot
I'm like hey, do you want to go there upfronts? Oh my god, but
He's a comedian she wanted to go precisely the worst move I ever
Right, so now we're at the gala.
You're bringing her to events,
not just to the hotel on the trip.
Yeah, so the Fox Dinner Gala.
There's one table full with people from That 70s Show,
the other table's from American Idol.
Apex TV time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so I'm sitting there,
and I forgot who me and Mike McDonald goes.
Look at your date right now.
Oh boy.
By the way, Michael McDonald's the best person to point.
He's one of the funniest people on planet Earth.
And I look and this girl is giving her business card
to the president of Fox.
Oh!
Gale Berman, Gale Berman at the time.
Yeah, and she was a Goliath in the industry.
Goliath.
She was, yeah.
Right, and I see her basically saying,
I'm a comedian and I've been doing all these shows.
Just check me out.
She's shooting her shot.
I sprint.
Oh.
Like if I could turn into the yellow Hulk, I would.
I was rage.
I grab her, not violently, in a very like,
gentle grab.
Hey, they needed to talk to you about something over here.
You just got a phone call.
Yeah, yeah, something like that.
I go, can I talk to you for a second? This is how big G got a phone call. Yeah, yeah, something like that.
This is how big Gail Berman is.
This is as if I never met her.
Well, right, I'm imagining you are there, the 70s shows there.
Those are huge stars.
You're on year two of MADtv or year one.
You almost feel like you don't even belong.
And now your date is cold calling the president.
I went from open mic to a tv show.
I went from homelessness to getting an apartment. You just took your first first-class flight probably. Yes
It was dreamy the first hotel you can't park your car in front of the door
Yeah, there's a lot of firsts and I gently touch her arm. Yeah, may I speak to you for a second?
Oh, and I went into like what?
The fuck are you doing? She's like well, well, I'm Canadian, I'm just networking.
And then I had to spend like another two days with her.
She slept on the couch or something.
Sure, or in the hall.
And there was nothing sexual or anything like that.
This is my point about America though,
because America is riddled with this lore
of people doing exactly what she did.
You hear all these stories.
I slipped so and so my tape while they were eating dinner.
Enough of those things worked out
that that has fueled a lot of people doing no noon-chi all over the place.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
For real.
I just think that instinctually though, I mean, how is that not ingrained into one's body?
For instance, when I was coming up at Open mics, I was in San Diego and I was a doorman.
And every weekend we would get big headliners to play the weekend.
I mean, at the time there were were big guys like Carlos Mancilla
and Pauly Show on these types of guys.
This is who you end up opening for.
Right, we opened for them over the weekends.
They came up to me and go, hey, you're funny,
and then once they start a conversation, then I can talk,
but in no way would I go up to them out of nowhere
and go, hey, I'm Bobby.
That's insane.
I know, the audacity.
I'm on the path.
That was ingrained in me not to do that,
and I just don't understand why people don't have that.
So I'm the same as you.
This show has complicated that
because obviously I need guests at times,
and I'm like, even calling someone
who I think would even want to be on the show,
I'm like, oh, God, here we go.
It's painful to do that.
Get somebody else to do it.
Well, we have certain people,
but then they can't get to the person.
But if it's someone that Dax knows personally, he needs to do it.
Yeah, and it's very, very hard for me. I burn up inside when I'm doing it.
I stop doing it. There's no reward worth.
Not only that, I feel like I'm stalking my friends. It's the worst feeling, so I just decided to get other people to do it.
Aren't there exceptions? Like, what about Brad Pitt if you were best friends with him?
No Brad Pitt.
If I had Brad Pitt's phone number,
all I would do at night is just stare at it all day.
I know right?
I do reread some of our exchanges.
Oh, I mean you're so blessed.
What are they?
I'm melting.
They're all about motor sports.
Oh really?
He's my number one.
I tell this too often on here,
but I know you'll really get a kick out of it.
My friend Kareem and I years ago,
we were talking about how much we love Brad Pitt.
And I said, this is the level at which I love him.
If he and I were like going up to Santa Barbara
for the weekend together, and halfway there,
he's like, shit, I think we got a flat tire,
and then pulled over and said like,
will you check on the tire?
And if I got out and looked at the tire and it was fine,
and then he drove away and left me on the side of the road,
I would go, what a free spirit. Like there's no amount of abuse that I wouldn't somehow take.
Yeah, that's so fucking funny.
I mean, I know people that know him
and he loves comedy, I heard.
Yes, well look, he like goes and does Dave's show.
He did Jackass back in the day.
Mark Maron's podcast.
He's a supporter.
He's just a great guy, but don't ever mention his name again.
I just get really kind of juicy. Not in a sexual way. We all do. Not in a sexual way. Well it can be sexual.
Inevitably because people know I'm so obsessed with him, they'll go like, well what would you do with him physically?
Yeah, what? How far would you go? Yeah, how far would I go? And I think I really would kiss him. Would you kiss him?
In what way? Would you make out with him?
Oh my god.
Yeah!
I'm trying to give you the best...
You're gonna give me your honest answer.
Complete honest. Now I'm me or am I someone different?
No you're you.
I'm Bobby Lee where I'm at now in my life.
You guys are hanging and he goes, I would fucking love to kiss you Bobby.
What like?
And we're private, we're not out.
No, right, you're not in a restaurant.
We're in my car.
No, no, that's too intimate.
You are in public, but no one's looking.
We're at the out fronts.
You're at a hike.
You're back.
You're on a hike, and there's nobody around.
Okay, there's nobody around, and there's a gigantic tree.
You get to the very peak up here in Griffith Park.
I'm not gonna get that high.
Oh, shit, that's right.
Yeah, I know, actually.
Cause then you would draw the breath of kiss.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you think you'd do a bad job.
Yeah, I'd be exhausted.
It's the beginning of the hike.
No one's sweaty yet.
I would have to ask questions.
Okay, go ahead.
I'm Brad.
All right.
Hi, Brad.
Could I just say something?
Well, you wouldn't say, hey, Brad.
Cause you guys are...
Hold on.
Hold on.
Hold on.
You already fucked it up.
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
Brad would then go, I wanted to kiss you, but then you said, hey, Brad, and now I don't want to kiss you anymore. So we're just hanging, I'm Brad.
I need some questions before we...
Oh, alright.
Some parameters.
Have I hung out with him before?
Yes, we're friends.
Now start referring to me as...
Oh no, now this is our way.
Yeah, we're friends.
We hang out kind of a lot.
Dude, what you texted me last night was so funny.
Oh my god, thanks.
I stole that from someone else.
Oh you did?
Yeah, yeah.
The last time we hiked I was thinking I would not mind kissing Bobby.
I just wouldn't mind at all.
I think I wanna kiss you.
Yeah, I mean, I'll probably kiss you.
I do that hypothetically, you know, I would.
You know?
Yeah.
I mean, why are you laughing?
You just can't pass up, like, do you know how many women
would cut off a finger to experience kissing him?
I would do it.
I would do it.
You have to do it.
So I guess my answer for it has always been
everything up till shirts off
standing kissing
Okay, you and Brad you guys are on a cruise. Oh wow, okay
The cruise goes down. Oh fuck right you guys are the lone survivors. You're on an island
You know Brad seems like he knows everything so he knows how to filter water. He's made us a shelter. Right right
There's a shelter and now a years go by you guys have beards
Oh, so he looks just like legends of the fall when he going on a boat trip
smoking
Can't I look like Hemsworth or something
No, I mean, you don't like, you know, too much shellfish. Can't I look like Hemsworth or something?
No, no, no, you're that guy.
You're on the island, baby.
You can't work out.
Okay.
Now, would you go beyond kissing?
I'm gonna give you a sincere answer.
I don't think we can know what it's like.
I'm sincere.
Are you being real?
I'm being real.
You're right, I don't know.
I don't know what it's like to have spent
an entire year on an island, come to accept
that I'm never getting off this island.
I'm with this person, and if I wanna have any sexuality
while I'm still on planet Earth before I die,
it's gonna have to be with this person.
I don't know what that whole context does, right?
You're so right. I don't know
People need intimacy I guess you would and maybe it wouldn't be super visible But you guys would cuddle because on I'm it's really cold at nights exactly
Well cuddling I'd be fine with right out of the gate my best friend Aaron and I will cuddle
Yeah, but if you started getting aroused day two right right would question yourself, like, why am I getting aroused?
I think about- Day two is early.
Day two.
Well, I feel very confident in saying
I wouldn't get aroused cuddling him on day two.
Okay, okay.
But a year into this experience, cuddling, I don't know.
Me either.
So I don't even really wanna answer it.
Let's leave it at that, we don't know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a TBD.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a TBD.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tom Hardy, six months.
Oh.
He's your type?
Tom Hardy for me, six months.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is he above Brad Pitt?
Yeah.
Clint Eastwood, never.
No, no.
Okay.
And he says 90 something.
I would want to take care of him
and like nurture him as he gets older.
You feel like you were taking advantage a little bit.
A little bit.
Yeah, like what do they call that?
Elder abuse? Yeah. Yeah, like what do they call that?
Elder abuse?
Yeah.
Yeah, elder abuse.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Stay tuned for more of our fire expert, if you dare.
["Firefighter's Theme"]
Back to up.
Let's get off the island.
But listen, that gal, that's worth exploring.
What gal you're talking about?
The girl that you took.
No Nunchie girl.
Years later, you stopped seeing around.
I heard she got married, had kids.
Oh good.
She got out of the game.
Have you had that sense that girls want to be with you
because they want to be close to comedy
and they want to be in the world of it.
I feel like she would have confirmed my worst fear
if I were you in the way she behaved immediately
when she had the opportunity.
What would have been going on is not only my fear of now
I'm gonna get kicked out of this party I just got invited to,
and I mean that metaphorically.
Additionally, fuck, some voice in my head was like,
this girl doesn't really like me,
she just wants to be kind of closer to the flame was any of that happening at the time
It was new because before I got onto Matt TV
I wasn't an insult, but it wasn't like I had a lot of options you weren't dating a ton
Yeah, maybe once a year
I would really get lucky and make out with somebody because you partied a lot that helps. I was sober then I got sober at
17 to the age of 30 first of all let's take one second to say that that is nearly impossible
So when I meet these guys who have like 35 years they got sober when they're 17
Yeah, I'm like in complete all of them my sponsors like that my sponsor. We got sober young
Yeah, my old sponsor same way and it's so fucking impressive. How does the attic voice in your head not go like I was a kid
I don't really know about me. I know it was like to be a pubescent crazy person living in a crazy household.
There's so much we want to talk about. Yeah. Let's go back to the girl thing and
then I want to talk about that. Monica, you have that in your head? Yeah, we got it.
Don't rely on Rob. So your point about, you're saying right now, do you think girls...
Well at that time, did you have that fear? I'm single now and I have been
dating. I mean and I have been dating
I mean I have to check off so many things before sexuality kind of occurs
Yeah, and you got to like somehow determine do they want a story? Yeah, do they want a story?
well, there are certain things you do for instance if I
Make out with somebody I make sure after I leave them to text them. I had a really good time
They have to go. Oh me too, it was so great to meet,
oh what a great, thanks for dinner, this and that.
Like I need that exchange to feel peaceful
so they can't lie.
Right, right, right.
So it's weird that now you have to do that.
But back to the girl, when that was happening,
did you already have that fear or were you like,
I don't really care why she's here,
I'm just happy to be with somebody here?
At that time, there was no cancel culture.
Those paranoias weren't there.
Just the self-worth stuff. Am I being used?
But Dax, Brad Pitt is being used for his good looks.
Great, because I do think that's another way to look at it,
which is like people go,
do you think she likes you because of this or that?
And I'm like, I don't really care why someone likes me.
I just want someone to like me.
Kalala and my ex, we lived together for 10 years,
and they're like, she's too hot.
She's probably using him.
But is that really because Kalala, when I'm sick,
she makes me soup and takes care of me. When I have food poisoning, I is that really because Kalala, when I'm sick, she makes me soup
and takes care of me.
When I have food poisoning, I have food poisoning in my car,
I shit all over my Prius, she cleaned it.
Oh my God.
That's love.
She still had sex with me, right?
So that's not it.
There's a love there and there's a care.
Or even I was watching you guys do this weird thing
where you could either answer a gnarly question
or take a shot of ginger.
And she was asked to rate your body out of 10.
In the sincerity with which, she's like,
Bobby, you are a 10 to me.
You've always been a 10 to me.
You're still a 10 to me even though we're broken up.
I love your belly so much.
She like loves Bobby's belly.
And I'm like, I 100% believe her.
I would not have thought that about her
just based on what I saw.
All the girls that go out with me have that to a degree.
I've been on dates with a beautiful woman and then she'll say,
you know in the 70s my dad used to take me to these kung fu film festivals.
And you're like, yeah.
Just watching them move. I just really like them.
I fell in love with Asians.
Oh, like they're just...
It's a little kind of a fetishy kind of a thing.
Do you love...
Oh, sure, sure, sure.
I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it.
You love it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't like it.
Why?
As soon as they say,
I just really like Indian girls, I want you to leave.
Then it's not about me anymore.
Yeah.
But why isn't it just that's what they find
physically attractive?
I know, it's like.
The skin color and the features.
I don't understand why that can't be your type.
I know, I think maybe it's my issue.
I like taller women. I don't know why, but they're like five, eight, five, nine, five I know, I think maybe it's my issue. I like taller women.
I don't know why, but they're like five, eight, five,
nine, five, 10, I love it.
You can't get enough.
When I take women my height, it never lasts.
I think when I was a kid, my parents were both five foot.
Yes.
Which I was looking at them and as a kid, I'm like,
oh no, I gotta go taller for the family.
Oh, right, for your future progeny.
For the lead generation.
Let's get taller here.
This country, the land of opportunity.
If a guy goes, yeah, I'm just really into Indian chicks,
you don't like it?
No, they can think it, but I don't need them to say it
because it immediately becomes,
you're just here because of your fetish,
but it has nothing to do with me or my personality
or anything.
That could be the initial attraction, right?
But for somebody to hang out with you,
they're gonna have to like all the other things.
Yeah.
Your personality, income, I mean,
just different social standards, all that stuff.
Well, they should like those things about me.
They're all pretty good.
But without making it feel like I'm attacking you,
you have many reasons why you wouldn't trust someone
would like you.
Legitimate reasons.
I don't know that they're legitimate as much as
if you have easier time believing people like you
in general, I don't know that you would be shining a light
on all these specific categories.
So another thing that Monica,
we've argued about this in the past,
she's like, I would never date someone
who was a fan of the show because they like me.
Not never, but it's a little bit of a turnoff.
And I said, well, Monica,
you're not playing a character on this show,
you're yourself.
If someone's fallen in love with you,
they actually love you.
You're showing all sides of yourself.
Monica, I wanna say something to you.
And now to find out,
if someone thinks the hottest girls in the world are Indian
and then that would even be a turn off,
it's like, well you're the number one
most attractive type, they think.
And they know you from this show
and they actually know you.
Those are things I think, they're know you from the show and they actually know you, those are things I think
they're a defense because those are fine things
for someone to be attracted to you about.
I'm dating a girl who lives in Ohio.
Okay.
And she DM'd me, she had on a thermos my podcast sticker
and we started talking, then we started FaceTiming
and I hang out with her maybe once a month,
every other month because she lives far.
There is a comfort level there
Because she knows my character defects and some of my oddities and my you've already shown her your bad side
Exactly on the air. Yeah, so she'll go. Yeah, I know you don't like that kind of drink. You like that
Yeah, because I don't want to have to audition. Yeah, there's no false. Every day is an audition
I want to be able to do the song and dance and like, oh, is she gonna like this?
She already likes all my bad shit.
It's so much easier.
Yeah, like you meet a stranger on a plane,
you guys are getting along great,
and you're like, well, I guess maybe date three,
I tell her, like, I'm a hardcore addict, man.
You're gonna find me one day, baby.
Here's the playbook, right?
You don't have to do that.
You talked about your mistakes with your ex-girlfriend
who you still have a show with.
You're already owning up your shitty patterns
that you do in relationships.
And now I understand if you're playing Rachel on Friends
and the person's in love with Rachel from Friends
and then they meet you and now you're like,
oh fuck, how long before they realize I'm not Rachel?
I'm much richer.
And prettier, I'm Jennifer Aniston.
That's exactly what it is.
I gotta own the fact that I'm not in the marginalized class
but if an Indian girl says to me, I love tall white boys,
I'm like perfect, that's me.
You're like get in line, so does everyone
in the whole world.
But some people like fat Korean guys.
I mean, look, I don't know, I don't know what to say.
There's one I'm suspicious of but it's not of Indian.
So I am suspicious of white guys who have
a quote Asian fetish for girls.
That one I need to ask a few follow-up questions.
Well, I'm Asian, go ahead.
Yes, because my fear in that situation,
if it's just aesthetic, great.
But if it's that you think Asians are more submissive
and you'll be able to be more dominant
and get away with more shit,
and that's why you like Asians,
I don't know that I love that.
It was a motivation to have a fetish.
Yeah, I'm worried about Asian women
that only go out with white dudes.
I don't wanna get canceled,
but I feel like there's an elitism or something about it.
Well, I'll tell you what it is,
because I have this, right?
Where you spend your whole life
trying to get the attention of the white guy
at your high school.
The quarterback is often of the white guy at your high school, the quarterback is often
a handsome white guy.
So that is what starts to become ingrained.
It's not about anything other than that.
That just becomes like the highest get.
Yeah, because they're holding all the status.
It's wrong, but it's what happens.
We all want to be validated by the highest status person
available to us.
Whether Angelina Jolie is your type or not,
you'd go on 10 dates with her,
because you're like, I can't believe she likes me.
Oh yeah, I would.
Right?
Yeah, I would 100%.
Six months.
Six months, six months.
Six months, six months.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think it'd take you three years to realize
it wasn't a match.
That status goes a long way.
But when I'm with white women though,
I've noticed, I'm gonna say something.
So growing up, you know, I'm much older than you. How old are you Monica? 36. I'm gonna say something. So growing up, I'm much older than you.
How old are you Monica?
36.
I'm 52.
So I was in an era in America where there was a lot
of microaggressions with racism.
Just little things that white people would say.
Well also I was thinking too,
because we're roughly the same age,
you're a few years older than me.
But you spent your time going through school
at like the height of Karate Kid.
All these things would pop up
where it had to have all been fucked up.
It was fine to be kind of overtly dismissive of Asians
in the way that the movies were.
Long Duck Dong.
So I talked to Gettie Winanabe.
So when Magnum PI was a show, I would reoccur on it.
And one day they're like,
well, who do you want as a sushi chef in this?
And I go, try to get Kitty Wananabi.
Is that who played?
Long Duk Dong.
Because I just wanted to be around him.
I grew up with him.
And he fucking deserves something.
For being the token.
Yeah, so I'm with Getty.
We're sitting around and I go, hey, that role, it blew you up, but it didn't do well for us.
You hear me?
It's not a really good image for us.
And he goes, you have to understand, Bobby,
I'm an actor.
That was my first audition in like four years
with anybody of my type.
And then when I showed up at the audition,
every Asian guy that's an actor was there,
fighting to get this one little thing.
And that's why I love Geddy Watanabe.
I love what he went through, his struggles,
because he's such a talented guy.
Well, that's what sucks.
So he's objectively insanely funny in the role.
Insanely good.
Holy smokes, the way he's playing hammered
and riding the exercise bike.
Like forget the Asian stereotypes that are happening.
The physicality of long, what was it?
Long duck dong.
Every time I say it, I'm like, it couldn't be that bad.
Is it? Yes.
It is long duck dong. I don't say it, I'm like, it couldn't be that bad. Is it? Yes, it is long duck dong.
I don't know what it is.
16 candles.
16 candles.
And he gets drunk for the very first time
and then he has sex for the first time.
And he is comic relief.
We're going back to check in with him at the party.
What the hell happened to the hot stuff?
In high school, people would walk by me and say that.
Of course.
That's what he was trying to say about Karate Kid.
That's what I was trying to say.
Oh, right, right, right.
Yeah, I used a dumb example, Karate Kid.
There's a bunch of white people.
So, you know, I grew up with that. Karate, because there's a bunch of white people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, you know, I grew up with that.
There was never a movie where we were the leading man.
I've never seen, back then, an Asian man kiss anybody
on any screen, TV, or anything.
Right.
Not even in a, like, Pepto-Bismol commercial or something.
Nothing, right?
Not much kissing happening.
I've never seen it, okay?
Honey, did your diarrhea pass from that Pepto?
Yeah, it's all gone.
Oh, good. Mwah!
Right.
I did a commercial with Jane Lynch once.
Her and I made out on a couch.
It was for, like, Booking.com, and I remember going,
oh, this would have never happened 20, 30 years ago.
No.
So I'm always very aware.
I feel great when that happened because I'm like,
oh, I just never knew that this day would come.
But anyway, now, because of all those little microaggressions
I grew up with, I sometimes, when I'm with white girls
that are mean to me, I kind of go,
why am I in this situation?
It's because I'm used to it.
And so when I'm trying to do is set boundaries
and not date people like that.
Because I'm trying to treat myself better.
It's like when I used to have a bad audition.
So one time I had this audition in front of Amy Poehler
was so bad, I froze.
And you must have wanted to do so good.
We love her.
I love her too.
I was in my car, I took a bottle of water,
and I smashed my head to the point where I was bleeding in my face.
Sure.
To punish myself for fucking up.
Because, you know, my dad would do it.
Yes.
Right?
Yeah.
I just don't do that anymore to myself.
I don't put myself in any of those kind of situations.
I don't punish myself in any of those kind of situations. I don't punish myself over things anymore repeatedly
because I want to try to just have empathy for myself
and love myself.
I bet you and I have shared this thought
where the decency will extend someone in an AA meeting.
I'll hear something that they did.
And my first thought is, yeah dude, life's hard
and we fuck up and we're going to do better tomorrow
and it's fine.
And if I do the same thing that that person did,
it would be months of self-flagellation
and I'm a terrible piece of shit.
100%.
And sometimes I'll go like, as a goal,
if you could even be half as nice as you are to strangers
at a meeting as you are to yourself,
that would be a huge improvement.
Why do we do that to ourselves?
Oh, I know, it's brutal.
We punish ourselves.
And that feels genetic,
because my daughter, we've bonded over this,
she's a little girl.
I'll go, did you ever embarrass yourself?
Oh yeah, and we'll tell funny stories.
We've embarrassed ourselves.
And then she'll go, and then I just, I'm so mean to myself in my head afterwards.
I'm like, me too.
I call myself terrible names.
She's like, you wouldn't believe what I call myself.
But do you tell her to stop doing that or no?
Stop is maybe a pipe dream, but you're not alone.
Ah.
I'm like that too.
And yeah, it blows.
In AA, you wanna go like, so you should stop drinking.
You go like, oh, fuck yeah, brother.
I did the same thing.
Yeah, like back in the day before Bill met Bob in 1935,
he would go like, you need to do this.
It wasn't working.
It's until he met Bob for the first time,
where he went, this is what I went through.
These are my experiences.
And these are the feelings attached to those experiences,
and then Bob was like, oh, I relate to you,
that's exactly what I go through.
And then they would go to a hospital,
and all they would say is their story.
They're not there to go like,
you know, this is bad for your liver,
the motherfucker's yellow,
we know it's bad for his liver, he's in the liver ward.
Sometimes I think, without those guys meeting,
what would I be doing right now?
Oh, I know.
There's some bizarre magic to it.
It's flawed.
I have complaints.
They need to update it.
I agree.
I think there's an interesting phase of it in its history.
There's a call to, I think,
make the mistake Christians have made
and that Constitutionals have made,
where it's just like you start revering
the beginning of something so much
that you're not taking on any new information.
Everything should evolve.
There's no sacred text.
Everything needs a rewrite as more information is known.
Like if I didn't address my trauma and do EMDR
and see a trauma therapist and do all that kind of work,
I don't know if I'd be sitting here right now.
Totally, I had a friend, thank God,
I'll give him a shout out, Kevin.
I was going through a ton of stuff a few years ago
and he said to me, you know, AA's not gonna be enough
with your childhood.
Your brain wiring is fucked.
And there's no step for that.
You're gonna have to really figure out
how to get into your brain a bit.
And then I did start therapy in a good way.
But yeah, I was hoping it would,
because fuck, it does cure so much of your shit.
It's great
You do wake up as a person you couldn't have fathomed you'd be like you actually can hear when you're lying to yourself and you can
Admit to people when you're lying you can say sorry like these things were unimaginable to me and you do start to think well
I could probably solve every problem. I have with this. I think you can clean up most wreckage through doing the steps
I think there's just certain things that are so deep-seated into your body
that it just doesn't work.
How do you feel about people in the program
without telling their sponsor doing ayahuasca?
I say this sincerely.
I don't care what anyone does.
There are people who use weed in the program
that they seem to be fine.
There are people that do ayahuasca or they do shrooms.
I don't have an opinion on it.
All I have is for me,
I think we all have a different set of things
that would set us off.
I'm not one to prescribe.
Now, if I was working with a dude
and every time he did an edible,
I know your story, you took an edible
on an airplane ride to Hawaii
and you woke up three months later
and you're on the verge of dying.
So I would say to you,
I don't think edibles for you work.
But I also think people do it
and I just don't have an opinion.
My sponsor says Ayahuasca, no.
Which is fine, I love my sponsor so I'm not gonna do it.
But I do know a couple of people
that are super active in the program,
that did it a couple years ago, one time.
It was a great experience for them.
They didn't do other drugs or anything after that.
I believe them.
I believe them too.
I have watched documentaries on ayahuasca
where it talks about,
in the same way shrooms can as well,
your brain starts functioning in a way
where it forms new neural pathways
and kind of breaks down these super highways we have,
where you and I, something tiny happens to us,
and we react like someone has pointed a gun at us.
Like I overreact to certain stimuli so dramatically
that yeah, if I could do ayahuasca
and that part would be over.
Now I haven't done it, I would tell you if I did.
At the same time, I'm also suspicious
of you would take something that would fix you.
I just think anytime I think I'm gonna take something
that's gonna fix me, I do have a knee jerk
that probably not.
Yeah, right?
That's why I haven't done it.
Also risk reward for each individual person
you should know, and I think you two do,
the likelihood of this going very poorly,
and is that worth the reward of quote fixing?
I guess it depends how much pain you're in.
I'm not in enough daily pain
that I need to experiment with ayahuasca.
I'm just not.
I would have to explore all the other alternatives
before I made that decision.
I'm doing trauma therapy and I do sometimes EMDR.
In fact, there are some times where I go away to a place
for a week and do like a week worth of psychotherapy,
really just try to get in there.
If those roads end and I'm still,
then maybe I would consider it.
You're bringing up the best part,
and this is what I should have said
when you first said that.
I don't think anyone should get sober
to be miserable and suffer and be suicidal.
I don't think that's the goal.
So I'm not in a position where I'm so uncomfortable
being alive and I'm doing all this stuff.
So it's not fair for me to say that
that person shouldn't do ayahuasca
because I'm not suffering hourly,
but there are people that are.
And so you're gonna tell somebody who's literally
maybe the other option is killing themselves
and they're already sober,
who am I to say you shouldn't try that thing?
I'm not in the judgment game of it all.
I don't really give a fuck what anyone does.
If there's some out drinking and going to five meetings
a week and they go to their job every day
and they're married and everyone's happy,
well then I don't even know.
Maybe everything's wrong.
They're probably not an alcoholic.
Maybe they're not.
It's not for me to say.
I can only say that when I am doing that,
I feel morally bankrupt and miserable.
I mean, I know guys that are hugely successful
and just riddled with the disease.
They show up to everything and their family loves them.
And they'll even say, yeah, I'm a chronic alcoholic
and they can just do it.
I look at them, I go, I can't do that.
That's the point.
I can't do it.
I don't think there's a moral imperative
about being an addict.
I think if you are an addict and you're happy
and everyone around you is happy,
I don't think that's implicitly bad.
For me, I'm very unhappy and the people around me are sad.
Yeah.
But somehow Nicholson, and I don't wanna get sued by him,
but it appears this dude has gone hard his whole life and it has worked the fuck out for him. I'm jealous of it
I'm Gary Busey. Oh me too, right? Yeah, you know motorcycle accident
Wait, but this gets back to the pin we're revisiting the pin. So you got sober between 17 and 30.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Monica, you're so good.
It's in here.
You're the best.
You'll never forget that name.
No, she's the best.
Yeah, so from 17.
How do we get there?
When do you start using?
So wait, there's bullying, dad is violent.
I can't really even begin to imagine
what it's like to not be communicating with my parents
and for them to not be communicating with me.
Through time, I have a lot of empathy for them.
They both experienced the Korean War.
My mom witnessed, my aunt,
and then my dad never went to school.
He was a street kid.
He was kind of in gangs and stuff.
Started a great business.
Yeah, later on when he came to America.
So, you know, there is a little bit of empathy there.
So I was born into the household.
My parents had money, so we lived in affluent areas.
And then we moved to San Diego from Minnesota when I was 11.
I just was in so much pain.
So my parents had a refrigerator in the garage
and my mom would stock it for my dad.
Beers, other liquors, and he drank so much
that I was just able to go in there.
They would never notice.
No.
And you were 11.
And also I'm small.
Yeah.
So like a beer, a beer and a half, two beers
would just obliterate me.
And give you relief.
Relief from it.
And I remember just laying in bed drunk.
I would hide the cans and just being, ugh.
Yeah, like the pressure was finally off.
Yeah.
God I know.
The problem was I was outside my house one day
and this skateboardpegoar kid
Flipped over his board and he started chopping up meth. I was like 11 or 12. I walked up to my go
I didn't ask what I was a can I have some at 11 at 11 12?
Well, I guess then when you were 11, that's 82. It's everywhere. He does fast math. It's everywhere
My family's from rice production
It literally was rampant in San Diego at the time.
Oh, wow.
Yeah.
So ever present, and it was easy to get to.
You could order a truck of Sudafed,
no one to ask a question.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right, they had you in a clamp.
I mean, I didn't have a lab, so I didn't do that.
And then I just went, oh, this is great.
And then, smoke weed, and I would steal money
from my parents and get weed, meth, acid.
Did you also like that it allowed you to join
a group of people quite easily?
Because that's the other thing people leave out
is a lot of early addicts were also quite lonely
and it's a pretty turnkey group of friends
and a non-judgmental group of friends.
I always only had one guy that I would hang out with.
Even later in life when I did relapse,
I'm a loner user.
I don't go to bars, I'm just in a hotel room, trapped.
Yeah, dark.
One time Andrew Santino came to my hotel room once.
I was blackout drunk and he walked in
and I had poo all over my body, just kind of like shaking.
He remembers that.
But when I was 17, I got sober.
Did your parents initiate that or did you say I needed help?
They didn't know what...
They just thought you were American.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're like, fuck, we don't understand this kid.
Yeah, our fault we had our kid in the medical.
You know what I mean?
No, at 13 they were like, don't be gay.
At 17 they were, live.
Oh, wow.
Don't die.
You could see me dying.
So I went to two or three different places before McDonald's Center when I was 17.
I got sober there and I met this old Korean man by the name of Dan.
I just gave him a 40-year cake last week in San Diego.
But this old Korean man who's an AA, who has long white hair, he has tattoos,
he's like a biker guy, but spoke fluent Korean.
He became my sponsor when I was a junior in high school.
And I stayed sober from then till 30, until I got on Matt TV and then I relapsed.
Okay, great.
Back to really just one last thing.
You have this little brother.
Steve.
How much time?
Three years.
You're getting blasted.
You knew that was happening to you
and I have to assume you had to have known
it was happening to your little brother.
I took the brunt of it
because my brother abided by the rules
so he would do everything he could to not get in trouble.
So he took the straight A route.
He took the I'm in sports and activities
and made friends with people.
I took the other route, which is interesting,
but we both experienced trauma,
but his trauma, he lashes out outwardly.
So he's easy to snap and fight
and get into physical confrontations. I go
within. I punish myself. So that's the difference between us two.
That's a great relief to me because I was thinking probably even more heartbreaking
for me than the abuse taking it myself. If I was unable to help my little sister through
that, that would have been way worse for me. So I'm glad Stevie wasn't also adding to the inferno
that was holding Bobby Lee.
Thank God.
Although he did get some of it, but my mom especially,
one time she came into my room and it was like
two in the morning and my brother and I
slept in the same room and she opened her mouth
and she had a tooth missing and she was bleeding.
And then my mom in Korean goes, help me with the door.
So my brother and I and my mom barricaded.
It was like two in the morning.
And when I talk about it now, it's not as impactful
because I've done EMDR on this one.
You've disconnected.
So I can talk about it, but I just remember
it just being like, are we gonna die?
When you wake up abruptly and you see things like that,
it sucks.
It's war.
It sucks. It's war.
It sucks.
Fuck the event itself.
It's the notion that that can happen at any time
that fucks you up, I think.
Like once mom comes in the room once at 2 a.m.
with the tooth out of her mouth,
your logical assumption is when will that happen again?
Probably soon.
And you'll just never have peace of mind after that.
It's a possibility.
Yes, this is now an option on planet Earth
is that mom comes in missing some teeth
and we gotta fucking barricade ourselves
from the wild boar out in the living room.
It creates a permanent sense of unrest forever.
You know what I do, Dax?
I just realized this.
I not only close my door in my bedroom,
I put stuff in front of the door,
like a chest and another chair.
I have a big thing with the door closed too, and my wife's like, we have kids down the
hall.
And I'm like, every man for themselves, they should lock their door.
We should lock our door.
Wow, wow, wow, wow.
No, not lock, but I want to at least hear the door get opened.
Yeah.
What is that?
Nicotine spray.
Wow.
Get that Copenhagen.
Oh, you're using the little bandits.
Yeah, little bandits.
Yeah, little cute little bandits.
Okay, so you get on Mad TV, you make money.
Back then, it was like sketch money.
But you've got like 22 paychecks coming.
Were you making pretty good living
as a standup at that point?
No, but I went from no money to,
well I did this IBM commercial,
so I had some money from that.
60 grand on that.
No, I made 350.
Wow.
What a fucking commercial. Those were the days.
$350! It was a campaign for IBM. Joe Pitca directed it. You know, it was pretty good.
$350. Yeah, that doesn't happen anymore. They don't do that anymore. But back then you would see people go,
how about I, you know, I bought something. Yeah, I bought an IBM. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I get on mad and
getting a weekly paycheck. I have my own apartment now and I bought a car, so I bought an IBM. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I get on MAD and getting a weekly paycheck.
I have my own apartment now and I bought a car,
so that's cool.
But what happened was, you know,
I've talked about this so much.
Something happened the first couple of weeks of MAD
where I really hurt my feelings
and I just instantly relapsed after 13 years.
Wow.
After the insult.
Was it a racial thing?
No, it was... You don't have to share it if you don a racial thing? No, it was...
You don't have to share it if you don't want to.
No, it was just somebody from the show that had some power
who out really said that he doesn't think that I'm funny
and it hurt my feelings.
No offense to the guy, you know?
No offense to the guy?
Yeah, what?
You're right.
You don't think someone's funny,
you don't think I'm funny,
that it's not an assault on anyone,
but you're already feeling like you don't belong there
and he confirms your biggest fear.
Well, I've also, I had never been on a TV show before. You're also the first Asian to be on a sketch show. and funny that it's not an assault on anyone, but you're already feeling like you don't belong there and he confirms your biggest fear.
Also, I had never been on a TV show before.
You're also the first Asian to be on a sketch show.
Yeah. Yeah.
You're like, when is the door gonna open up
and mom's coming in?
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, number one, I don't know what a jib camera is.
I don't know what a mark is.
I don't know how to vocalize in front of a live audience.
I don't know anything, so you're learning all that shit.
I'm from stand-up, so I've never done a sketch class.
I've never written a character.
I don't know any of the shit.
So imagine the pressure, I have to kill this,
and then you overhear that somebody there
who has some power doesn't think that I'm funny.
That hurt me.
And so I went out, and then the next two years
were just painful.
Did you go out drinking?
No, so I couldn't sleep.
That night when I heard that a friend of mine, Paul,
had some Valumes, so I took about two Valumes
and then I go get me bottles.
You're back to the little boy in the bedroom on two beers.
Exactly, and then I start taking it during the day
and then I'm like what else?
So then Vicodin was the thing
and I was taking like 20 to 30 a day.
It didn't even work.
When I tell people I was taking 30 plus a day,
I'm like, what do you mean?
I'm like, after the first four, they don't even work.
You take five at a time thinking like,
well that might get me back to that initial.
It's the worst.
I tell people this all the time,
go ahead and be a drug addict,
but I'm telling you, skip that one.
It's such a fucking waste.
You can always get too drunk.
Coke works.
Meth works. If I canodin does not even work.
Those first four feel good.
It was great.
Yeah, there's a minute it's great.
And the feeling where you're like,
this is an amazing feeling.
At that same time, I was in the growlings
and I was eating quite a bit of Vicodin.
And I'd go to this dude's house,
Coker was his name, was the dealer.
And he had the bottles that the pharmacy had.
And he had dozens of them.
I don't know what the count of those bottles was,
but a thousand or something.
And I'd go, oh, I need a hundred.
And he'd eyeball it, it'd be like 150.
I mean, that's how free they were in 2002.
I should have known Coker back then.
Damn it.
I'm glad you didn't.
Yeah, I had to go through my friend Paul.
But anyway, second year in,
I would get so sick
if I didn't have it.
It's a sickness I don't ever want to experience again.
It's like your spine is about to snap,
your insides are rattling.
The relapse four years ago,
it took a month before I felt right.
Yeah, at our age going out.
Oh God.
Dude.
If I eat a lot of cheese, I feel terrible.
I know, like your body is going,
we can't do this anymore.
No, we're weak.
We're old, we're not doing this.
Do you have any autoimmune issues?
What does that mean?
Autoimmune disease, there's a trillion of them,
I happen to have.
I don't think I have any.
Monica, do you drink?
Probably too much.
Are you seeing anybody?
No.
So you're single?
I'm single, I'm drinking.
Doing it all. Yeah, I do drink.
I don't think I'm an alcoholic, but I do like drinking.
And I like going on dates with women when they have a glass of wine.
I want somebody to be able to just do what they do.
It gets so habitual, though.
I get into phases.
I'm sort of entering one where I feel like I'm back in this habit
where it's part of the day.
You finish work or you're working on work
and you have a glass of wine and it just becomes part of it.
And after a while I do think like,
when was the last time I didn't?
Well, I could tell you, Bobby,
because we speak the same language.
So she has a frequency that maybe has a question mark on it,
but she doesn't get hammered ever.
It's not like she ever will drink four glasses of wine.
Sometimes.
Okay.
But rare, it's not like every night
it becomes four glasses.
In the mornings you've never done it.
Well, I've had like mimosas.
Yeah, you're on a Sunday with the girls.
You're a Maui or whatever, yeah, sure, sure, yeah, yeah.
But no, I'm not like waking up.
I wanna go.
No, I'm not waking up and pouring wine
or drinking in the morning when I smoke.
I don't have anything like that.
And there's a part of me that is like morning. I don't have anything like that.
There's a part of me that is like,
if I did that'd be easier.
I would know that was an actual problem.
This is so gray.
Yeah, hers is very innocuous.
I think it's fine.
It's nothing.
It's fine.
You know what's funny?
Bobby, you would love this moment.
Monica and I had, we were one time driving
through this neighborhood and I went and grabbed
a Perrier can out of her cup holder.
We're in her car, and I go to take a sip,
and she screamed, no!
And my first thought was, oh, there's alcohol in here.
And she had spit in it.
Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
But I said, I assumed there was alcohol in it.
And then she said, wouldn't you be so alarmed
that I had alcohol in a Perrier thing?
And I go, no.
I observe your life.
That's when I was watching his children at the time.
Like that was my job at the time.
I don't see any wreckage.
You're very dependable.
You're not moody.
Actually, one thing, anything of it.
Yeah, yeah.
She couldn't believe that.
Well, yeah, I wouldn't either.
Why, you guys, if you're in a car
and someone has a Perrier that they've replaced
with alcohol.
It could be a great reason.
I think it's funny. I don't know the circumstances of why that perrier's there.
You know what I mean?
Could've been somebody else.
Yeah, from last night.
Yes, you wanted to have one on the way to the bar.
That's all ready.
You made a vodka perrier.
That's fun.
Keep it in the can, the cops won't know.
That doesn't mean you're an alcoholic.
You feel like you can be loose when you're behind the wheel.
If I was around anyone with that, I would think they had them.
It's just so funny, the evolution of all what happened,
which is like, I took a sip of her spit,
but then it transferred immediately into this crazy debate
where she was more troubled.
I wouldn't be troubled that she had alcohol in there.
Yeah, it was a mess.
That one four-minute stretch
might summarize our entire existence.
For real.
Yeah.
Stay tuned for more of Farmature Expert, if you dare.
Now, Dax, why four years ago,
I've always wanted to ask you, did you go out?
There's a long version and a short version.
I'll try to do a medium version.
I had broken my arm.
I had a prescription for Vicodin
and Kristen handed them out to me
and I decided I would not take those
when I traveled back to Detroit
because I was going to see my dad who was dying of cancer
and she wouldn't be there to administer the Vicodin.
So while I was with my dad and he had all these Percocets,
I said, you know what?
I have a prescription for Vicodin at home.
I'm gonna take some of these Percocets.
Makes sense.
That was eight years into being sober.
I had a total meltdown,
Kristen ended up coming to Detroit and surprising me.
Did he pass?
Two months later he did.
But again, here's the thing where like,
when I read about you and your dad in your recent relapse,
it's like, I would have told you
I'm handling that whole experience fine.
I'm flying home once a week to deal with his thing,
the room's full of AA people.
I would tell you that it wasn't really
having an impact on me, but I did that thing.
And no one will like this.
My dad and I did sit in his living room
looking out over the lake,
and we were both on Percocet, and we're both sober.
I don't hate that I had that moment with my dad.
I'd never party with my dad,
but we were both just kinda sitting there enjoying the thing.
Next day, I'm overwhelmed with guilt and fear.
Oh my God, I've relapsed, I'm gonna have to reset my day.
Kristen comes in, I confess to her what I did,
I took this and I wasn't prescribed that and blah, blah, blah,
and she's like, look, it's fine, you're here.
I have that prescription, you're not gonna do it again.
And you keep it moving.
And I was like, okay.
And I kept it moving.
But that was almost like when those owls
that the falconer flies, they're only supposed to eat
the food from the trainer.
If they catch a mouse one time, danger.
They're gonna want to hunt again.
Because I had that experience and really it was fine,
and opiates were never really my thing.
Over the years, I break a lot of stuff,
and when I would use opiates, I was tricky.
So she would administer them,
but I also would maybe not take them at night
so I could save up, and in the morning,
I could take three times the dosage.
So we're in a very gray area sporadically for several years.
I certainly don't think I need to come in
and say I need a new date,
but I'm also being a little tricky
when I have them prescribed.
Then in rapid order, I break my hand,
all the bones across it, I get all these pins in it.
I get surgery.
Wait, why are you breaking your arms
or your hands and everything?
What the fuck is going on?
I'm in a motorcycle racing off-road stuff.
Stop doing that!
No, we're going Monday.
All right.
So I get all these pins,
and then I get a pretty healthy dose
of real good opiates for a while,
almost immediately after I shattered my shoulder,
my ribs, my thing on a motorcycle.
Now I have multiple surgeries,
now I'm on a lot of opiates.
What was very misleading about the opiates
compared to the other stuff is like,
if I drink, you will know in one second.
Because second I'm drunk, I'm gonna get coke,
and when I get coke, I do it for three days.
There's no version where I don't do it for three days.
There'd be no hiding.
In the most conventional sense, it's unmanageable.
This was very weird.
I'm on opiates, I'm still doing the podcast,
I'm still very responsive and present with my family,
and I'm going, this is weird,
this isn't very unmanageable.
This is fine, other than I know,
you have to keep upping your dosage
because you get used to it so quickly.
Like I'm not dumb, I know that that's an issue.
At this point in your mind, did you know you relapsed?
I think I still had plausible deniability at that point.
I wasn't ready to accept that.
It was when I started buying them illegally.
I was like, okay, now we're definitely doing something.
And then that lasted for a couple months.
And then I decided I have to quit.
And I started to try to do it on my own.
And then I was visibly going through detoxes
and then I copped to the whole thing.
Wow, it's just a sneaky sucker, huh?
So when I relapsed after 17 years,
I was doing my friend Sam Tripoli's show at the main room
and his show is sponsored by a weed company.
And I have 17 years of sobriety.
You already fucked up on MADtv, you got sober again,
and now you have 17 years again.
Yes, I did 13 and then 17 for me
It's always I just stop going to meetings and stop calling my sponsor
And this is years because you think you can do it. That's time 15 16 years
Yeah, so I'm sitting there and this guy that owns this weed company goes hey
You know we have a package when people do the show and I go I'm sober
He's like oh cool, but I have a CBD thing and I go what's a CBD thing? I don't know what it is
For and he goes this oil has 1% THC in it just to activate the CBD right
But if you just do the dosage, you're not gonna feel it. So I drink the whole thing. Yes
And I got buzzed so I went back back next week, because my stomach hurt,
because you're not supposed to drink the whole thing.
Of course.
That's all oil.
So my stomach really was in pain.
So I go, hey, do you have one that's like 50%?
It started getting better.
And then I started getting 99% THC, 1% CBD.
And obviously I had relapse and it was just that easy.
Did you know at that point when it was 99%?
I think when I drank that whole bottle for that 1%, I knew.
There's something really strange about this.
I think a lot of people who have relapsed
will relate to this.
You're distracted at first with the thought
of just making sure no one knows.
You forget that you didn't ever get sober for anyone else.
You got sober because you were miserable.
But at some point in sobriety,
I started telling myself this thought,
well, if no one knows, and I'm focused on them and then again
Deciding to ignore like well, I know and I can't really live that way
First thought is can I get away with it?
But you ignore the fact that like, you know
The problem is the eight years of real sobriety you had that never goes away
So that's in your mind and your heart. You know now.
Yeah, and I was sad and missed that purity I felt.
That first eight years, there was nothing on my report card
that you could have said was tricky.
And then I had several years of just
that was in the back of my mind.
I still only had them when they were prescribed to me.
All these other ways I would justify it,
but it never had that super clean feeling
that those first eight years had.
There are moments in pure sobriety
that is just the most joyous I've ever been.
I know.
When you have those days, you're like,
why don't I recognize I am so much happier this way?
Yeah, I know.
The freedom and also your belief
that everything's gonna work out.
You're not looking into the future and going,
what if this happens, if this happens?
You're just really in the present moment,
just like I'm here, I'm free, I have peace.
Those occasions are rare,
but I never had them throughout my whole life.
Yeah, when you go like, I don't need anything to feel okay,
is the most miraculous feeling you can have.
It's amazing.
Because you really, for so much of your life,
are convinced you can't feel okay without something.
Especially growing up, going through all the experiences
I was never taught these tools and this way of living. There's no internet. I'm just in this violent house
Riding you want to talk about the movie there?
We're getting there by the way, this is about the time I would always start talking about the movie
Yeah, really we always do we're always do two hours. It's insane. Yeah, what is your show?
No, only one hour and you're out. Yeah, congratulations
On your show. Oh, thank you. I'm bad friends. Oh, thank you. It's enormous you come on. You're the king
Well, I don't know that I'm the king
I'm genuinely happy for you and Andrew so much you guys have a wonderful living off of doing podcasts, right?
Obviously him and I both had decent careers before it,
but the fan base when it comes to podcasting
is a completely different kind of relationship
you have with them.
When I see them in the streets, it's not weird.
Do you love them?
I love them so much.
I know.
I just don't know why you don't do it on video.
We know why.
Yeah, we do know why.
All right, I'll tell you the assets of it,
and then you tell me the cons of it. I'll give you the pros, and let's have this debate. Yeah, yeah. Right now. Let right, I'll tell you the assets of it and then you tell me the cons of it.
I'll give you the pros and let's have this debate.
Yeah, yeah.
Right now.
Let's settle this once and for all.
I still believe mine's the right way.
I think yours is the right way.
I think Theo's is the right way.
Oh, all right, Dad.
I'm not anti.
Let me do my pros first.
Okay, okay.
Yeah, you don't do your cons yet.
Okay.
So number one, you're gonna reach a broader audience.
Yes, for sure.
And definitely more males.
Males love consuming things on YouTube.
It's a very male-dominated platform.
I already kind of feel what your cons are
while you're saying that.
That's very sneaky that you did that just now.
No. Interesting.
Yeah. No, what's my word?
How about you not say anything
until I do my prose? No, no, Sean.
I forgot my word already. No, noon-chi.
Noon-chi, noon-chi. I can write it down.
All right, so number one, a bigger audience.
Number two, it's more money.
And number three, it becomes more like a TV show almost.
When you have guests, it's like the reoccurring on the sitcom.
I already feel like I've lost the thing.
I'm drowning, I'm drowning, I'm drowning.
I think one of your cons is going to be like,
yeah, well, your guests won't be as vulnerable,
but you can be vulnerable with the cameras on as well.
You can, I can.
We go to AA.
We're used to being stared at saying crazy stuff.
We've had a bunch of episodes,
and they are among our best ones
that I am certain wouldn't have happened
if they had a camera pointed at them.
I think there's a magic,
there's two things I would say to push back.
A, I love other people's video stuff.
I think Theo's show's so fucking great.
I just watched you on it again this morning.
It's so fucking funny.
I just adore him.
I love that.
I think that we wouldn't get the conversations we have
if people saw a camera pointed at them.
One.
You don't know that yet though.
Totally, I'm guessing at that.
Two, I don't like people being distracted
by how people look.
I don't want them to have to go through hair and makeup,
and I don't want people watching me like,
oh yeah, she looks pretty good,
or she doesn't look pretty good,
or she must have got her eyes done or her chin lift.
I want you to be listening to what's in this person's soul
and not distracted by evaluating how they look.
You're cringing at the notion of that?
What I want to say to you is you won the argument because...
I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why.
I think I feel far more relaxed.
This experience, because usually I'm so aware of the time.
Uh-huh.
Like, okay, we've got to be at 45.
But this time, I literally went, I think we did 45, and I looked and we of the time. Uh-huh. Like, okay, we've gotta be at 45. But this time, I literally went,
I think we did 45, and I looked, and we did double that.
Yes, because it's a state of flow.
I'm still gonna stay on video.
No, you're not.
You're gonna be on video.
I love video.
I love video, and you're doing much more comedy
than we are.
It's different types of shows, too.
My third thing I wanna say
is the singular auditory experience to me is such an antidote
to the fucking stimuli that we're overwhelmed with.
So like I do it.
I listen to this show.
I listen to other shows that are only audio.
I now can't hear any other thing.
I enter this weird kind of sacred space.
I listened to This American Life when I lay in bed.
How great is that?
Right, I love Ira.
I listen to the Moth Door Race podcast
and they're not on video.
Radio Lab.
And I lay in bed and I listen, I close my eyes
and if those two things were on video,
I don't think I would see it.
No.
It's also intimacy.
There's a lot of intimacy
and you block out every other thing,
or at least for me,
when I'm working out listening to a podcast
Or I'm hiking that's actually white noise and I'm like in another time and space, but when I'm watching stuff
I'm also looking at my kids. I'm looking at the room. Here's another argument though. People listen to my podcast, too
I'm just giving them a second option. Absolutely, but the guest part the gas part is absolutely correct
I think you want it. I think you're better, brighter than me, right?
Literally you won.
Disconversation.
My mind is completely turned around.
I came in with this like, I'm gonna convince them.
I'm gonna liberate them.
I'm gonna liberate them and I failed miserably.
I think you're right.
I wanna say congratulations and this is amazing.
So I'm here because I'm promoting a movie I did.
No, but it's actually a very easy segue
because the movie that you're here to promote,
Sweet Dreams, is about sobriety.
Yeah, I'll be honest with you.
When I was shooting this thing, I didn't know.
You know, sometimes you're on a set
and you're like, I don't know.
You mean you don't know how it's gonna turn out
and you don't even know what movie you're in
because both happens.
No, I knew what movie I was in.
I just think this might not be good.
Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.
Because of the parameters, because of the low budget.
Because it's a softball movie as well.
I thought the stakes seemed not high enough.
You would show up and there was like not a lot of people in the stands.
It was more guerrilla filmmaking.
And I just didn't know the tone really.
But I trusted Elijah and his notes and his direction.
But last week I saw the movie.
And also, I've been in some movies,
I've never seen myself on the big screen.
You haven't.
Long time ago I was in Herald and Kumar,
and I went to that screening.
I remember seeing my big gigantic Korean head on the screen.
Like look at that bobble head.
I literally had like a visceral negative kind of experience
and I ran out of the theater.
It's never nice.
Like look at that bobble head.
And so I never did.
But this one, I sat through it,
because it was about sobriety.
And I watched it and I have to say, Dax,
number one, I think it's the best movie I've ever seen
when it comes to portraying AA meetings.
Okay, because it's always a disaster when they do it.
Everyone's so serious in sacra.
It's in a gymnasium.
It's always a circle of some sort.
And in a gym. And I've never been to a meeting in a gym. Me's so serious in sacrament. It's always a circle of some sort. And in a gym.
I've never been to a meeting in a gym.
Me neither.
Never in my life.
Tens of thousands of meetings.
I've been to churches.
I've been to like, you know what I mean.
I've been to people's houses.
Yeah, even like schools I've been to.
And they're always like, you know that line
in the big book that says, we are not a glum lot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right.
It's always a glum lot.
Yes, the person's always delivering the monologue,
please release my family from this jail.
Yeah, so this is the first movie where I was watching it
and there was a couple of scenes between J. Moore's in it,
you know, so J plays Johnny's sponsor.
Johnny Knoxville.
There are scenes between them doing a sponsor-sponsey
kind of conversation where I went, oh, that felt real.
They got it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know if I've ever seen it done right.
Me either.
That's great.
There's a lot of laughter and joy.
I've walked out of the meetings going,
that was like better than a play or a party or whatever.
That was fun.
And that's never portrayed.
And because Lies, the director, is a member of the program,
he outwardly says it.
Well, good.
If he says it, then yeah, if he says it then yeah.
If he has, yeah.
Okay, so when we were shooting these A meetings,
all the background were people from his men's meeting.
Oh awesome.
Oh that's cool.
That's perfect.
It's perfect, you have a spattering of actors,
but everyone I know from the room.
Right, and they're giving the real reactions.
Right, they weren't in a circle,
they were kind of disheveled. Everyone's so fucking unique in a way. Yeah. Yeah. And
they have guys with a lot of time there too. So I'm watching and I'm like, I think you
got the tone really right. And also, you know, obviously there are some things I have problems
with, but I think in general, if you want to watch a movie that portrays people getting
sober, this is pretty real.
It's hard to tell.
They did not give me a screener,
I only got to watch the trailer,
but I would love to see that,
because of course, every time I see A.A. on TV,
I'm like, ooh, who would want to go to him?
It's Theo Vaughn's first movie.
It's Chelsea Lin, who plays trailer trash Tammy online.
It's her first movie.
Yeah, the cast is wild.
Moe Ammer, Kate Upton, Gata, who I fucking love.
Did you talk to him at all?
Oh yeah, I love Gata.
Tell me about Gata.
He's an anomaly.
He's really bipolar, right?
That storyline, yeah.
He had drugs and alcohol in his family.
His parents both died from it.
But Gata is just a kind, warm guy.
I mean, I'm not familiar with his music, so it's great.
I stick with The Clash and The Velvet Underground.
That's pretty much my dweel house. That's pretty much my wheelhouse.
That's a nice zone for you.
Sometimes Pixies.
We could share a road trip together with that playlist.
Joy Division, what not.
And you know, I just, this is a new order.
God, do you and I,
I'm getting half hard right now.
We like the island.
Second elephant furs a little bit.
If we were on an island, dude.
A little modern English.
That should have been part of the question.
It was like, you're on an island,
it's you and Brad Pitt, but also is there any music?
Cause that would make a big difference.
Well, I know that Brad likes the same kind of music I do.
Cause I know he's a huge radiohead fan.
Jeff Buckley.
Oh, love Jeff Buckley.
Yeah, yeah, so I think we would have related on that.
Also one last thing about Brad Pitt.
I saw him in a Coen brother.
Well don't make it the last.
The Coen brothers movie.
It was Burn After Reading.
Burn After Reading.
And my brother and I both admit,
it probably is one of the best comedic performances
of any actor I've ever seen.
He's so funny in that fucking movie.
Him on the treadmill.
If it were anyone else, I'd be mad.
Why?
Well, like when Timberlake hosted Sariant Live,
and I was like, oh, come on,
this guy's one of the best hosts of all time.
He never did sketch comedy.
And he's also Timber really can sing like that?
What am I gonna do?
I know, I know.
Ryan was in the growlings, I can't host it.
I know.
You see guys that can do it all,
and you just kinda go, I can't do nothing.
I've been thinking that a lot about Walton Goggins.
You know Walton Goggins.
Did you watch Vice Principals or Righteous Gemstones?
Yeah, I love Righteous.
So he's Uncle Baby Billy.
Oh wow, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But he's also the best dramatic actor on, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But he's also the best dramatic actor on planet Earth.
I'm watching something right now
where he's like a fucking noseless cowboy,
and I'm like, how can this guy be-
Fallout?
Apex?
Yes!
I love the game.
Wait till you see the fucking show.
You played the game?
No, never played it.
Didn't even know it was a game when I was watching it.
How have you not played the game?
I don't play any games.
How have you not played the fucking game?
I know, I know, now I want to,
because the show's so good.
It's one of the greatest games, RPGs of all time.
Rob, have you played it?
Have you played it?
No.
You guys are fucking idiots.
What a waste of your breath to ask Monica.
I know, I know.
So Bethesda, who makes role playing games.
Yeah, they're one of the producers.
Yeah, so they did Elder Scrolls, which is like Skyrim and oblivion the series again games. I'm finding out
That wasn't even one of my questions. I'm a part of the human race. Yeah, it's a part of pop culture
It's great. Yeah, you're just plugged in so Jordan Peele one time years ago when we were broke
We were at a GameStop and he got yo, man
You're gonna play moral wind which is an elder school and ever since he recommended it
I've been into Bethesda, but my point is is that fallout you don't have a PlayStation don't have any system
No, why are you getting so nervous right now? You're acting weird. Well, I just we were on such a good run there
So how many episodes are you in I have 15 minutes left of the finale. We interviewed Jonah Nolan,
and so I got the strainers, I know.
When that show was in pre-production,
I called my agent and I go,
I don't care, I'll be background.
Get me on the show, and I couldn't get anything.
They should use you because there's really fun little,
just last night Fred Armisen pops up for just a scene.
What does he know about fallout, that piece of shit?
You don't know shit about fallout, that piece of shit. So anyway, hey, fallout producers, I'll be background. You don't know shit about Fallout, that piece of shit.
So anyway, hey, Fallout producers, I'll be background.
I don't care, I'll do anything.
I never get to do cool shit, but anyway, let's just move on.
So let me ask you something about Fallout.
So how much of the show is in vault life?
Oh, great question.
I would say 30% of it.
Okay, so second question.
Is there 1950s music in it? Yes, so one of the coolest things is the aesthetic of it? Okay, so second question. Is there 1950s music in it?
Yes, so one of the coolest things is the aesthetic of it
is retro futuristic.
That's what the game is.
It is awesome.
All the TV sets are from the 50s.
Is there a blonde bobble head in it?
Is there a blonde bobble head?
Is there like posters with a guy in a vault suit,
a cartoon drawing, and he has blonde hair or whatever?
That detail may have escaped me.
Is the vault door a circle?
Yes, it's a circle,
but then it also has like a sprocket wood.
Yeah, sprocket wood.
So it can roll.
Oh, fuck.
On the track.
Are there ghouls in it?
Walt's in the garden.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's the ghoul.
I'm gonna watch it.
You're gonna flip.
What are you talking about, Walt, for, again?
We were talking about people
that were really good at both things.
And Brad was really funny.
You know what you're good at?
What?
You're a deceiver. That's a weird compliment. You're a know what you're good at? What? You're a deceiver.
That's a weird compliment.
You're a great deceiver.
I'll tell you why you're a deceiver.
Okay.
In my mind I'm like, oh well, I can talk about the movie
and I'll get the outta here, right?
Oh.
But no, no, no, no, that's not like that,
Shepard, you know.
No.
You're very good at going, let's go this way.
Sure.
And that way.
So all of a sudden I'm talking about something
that has nothing to do with the movie.
But I'm not gonna play your games anymore.
Nor should you.
You're a deceiver and I'm not gonna do this.
We're here to talk about sweet dreams.
In theaters 4-12-24 and on VOD 4-16.
I was about to read that cast we got kind of interrupted
but Johnny Knoxville's in it.
How'd you get on with PJ?
Cause I have a funny story.
When I interviewed him I told the story.
I just felt like he never liked me. I would try to be friendly to him many times and I think maybe he's
Too cool for me. Dax I want to say something I do the same thing
Okay, I have these stories in my head
Yeah, right that a certain actor or somebody in the business or even Netflix like I do this thing where Netflix hates me
Institution of it right? Yeah, in reality
They don't even think about me.
And it's like that actor, and then you meet the guy,
and they're like, I've always loved you.
And I spent three years of my life
thinking about them every day.
Something happened yesterday morning.
So last week, there's a comic,
and I wanna say his name, I love him now.
But we grew up together in comedy,
and we were always kind of rivals in a weird way.
And then when my podcast started blowing up a little bit,
I started talking a little shit.
And so anyway, I hadn't seen this guy in 15 years,
and he was at the comedy store, talented guy,
and I saw him and I went, hey!
And I hugged him, and I reached my hand out to his wife,
and I go, hi, so-and-so.
Hi, Brenda.
Brenda, hey, Brenda, Brenda, right?
Hi, Brenda. Your first time ever seeing me, hey Brenda, Brenda, right? Hi Brenda.
And she didn't shake my hand.
Well good for her.
In my head I'm like, she's protective of her man.
And in my head I'm like,
because I'm trying to really be in sobriety
and I wanna make amends and make it right,
I put my hand back, I hugged him and I walked away
and I went into shame.
Yes, of course.
So then I wrote him a message the next day
and I go, over the years, I might have said some things
I regret, I'm so sorry, if you wanna meet for coffee,
I'm willing to do that.
And so he goes, I'm fine, but thanks, right?
Then yesterday morning, I get a DM from his wife.
Brenda. Brenda.
She goes, I didn't do that.
Oh. She goes, I didn't see your hand. She didn't do that. She goes, I didn't see your hand.
She goes, I didn't even see your hand.
I shouldn't even have made amends.
I made amends for no reason.
But you probably felt better.
I feel so much better.
But I do that to myself where I perceive something,
then I believe it to be completely true.
Fear, false evidence appearing real.
And you and I share the same thing, I believe.
Coming in here, I immediately assume,
we've had limited interactions,
but I feel like I've always really enjoyed,
anytime I've seen you, did you have good feelings about me,
or did you have any story about me?
Be honest, Bobby.
So, yeah, I thought maybe that you didn't like me.
What?
Yeah, in my head.
Out of nothing?
No, I'll tell you why.
Tell me why.
Because I should have had you on earlier?
No, no, that's not what it is.
Oh, that's what I just thought.
No, that's not what it is.
Okay.
That, to me, I don't know why you're bringing this up.
It's weird.
But let's be, let's.
This is great.
It is great?
I love it.
All right, getting me on earlier, I know the level of guess you get. You don't have a lot of comics. You let's be, let's. This is great. It is great? I love it. All right, getting me on earlier,
I know the level of guess you get.
You don't have a lot of comics.
You get a lot of huge actors.
I get it, man.
Me and Andrew, we've always talked very highly,
like watch, he's killing it.
So one time, I know it's in my head.
By now talking to you.
I can't wait to hear this.
For the last hour and a half.
So I was on a show called Animal Practice.
It was a sitcom. And you were on a show that Animal Practice. It was a sitcom.
And you were on a show that was in the same area.
I know this because I think you knew the Russo Brothers.
At Universal?
Or at Warner Brothers?
It was at Paramount.
Well this is what's great is I've never worked on Paramount.
But go ahead.
But you were a guest star or something
because Community was there.
Did you ever guest star in Community?
I didn't.
You were there though.
Okay great, I was on the lot.
I know it was you.
I have shot commercials and stuff there.
So I could have been, yeah. Okay, so anyway, you were behind the monitors. I don't know why you were there but you were know it was you. I was on the lot. I know it was you. I have shot commercials and stuff there. So I could have been, yeah.
Anyway, you were behind the monitors.
I don't know why you were there,
but you were standing right behind me, right?
All right.
And I remember turning, I go,
oh my God, that's Dax Shepard.
I know you.
It wasn't Joe McHale.
Right, right, right.
It was Dax Shepard, right?
Can I ask really quick how many years ago this was?
It must have been 15 years ago.
Oh wow, okay.
Very long. Way back.
I've held this resentment for 15 years.
Oh my God. I love this. Me back. I've held this resentment for 15 years.
Oh my God.
I love this.
Me too.
And I remember turning around going, hey Dax, and you didn't respond to me.
Like you were looking at the monitors, I guess, watching the scene or something.
And in my head I was like, oh, he doesn't like me.
Oh man.
I carried that with me this whole time.
Listen to me.
I'm so sorry that that happened.
I didn't do anything!
But hold on, I don't have any memory of that.
I have other memories of genuinely adoring you.
And we have mutual friends, and then Rob always,
I'm not even clear how you and Rob know each other so well.
I started this career.
Wow.
There would be no Rob without me, right?
And you know this to be true, fuckface!
No, he is a big, big Bobby Lee fan,
talks about you all the time and adores you.
Can I tell you how I made him?
Yes.
Will you admit to it?
Yeah.
Okay, I was doing a live standup show
and I had Chris Wotowski.
I did his.
You were doing his show.
I did his show, I did Chris Wotowski's show.
And then you came to one of my shows and you said,
can I take photographs of my life?
And Rosenbaum was on my show.
So you became friends with Rosie.
And the next thing I know, you're producing podcasts.
The next thing I know, oh, your dad's this guy, right?
And then Rachel Bielsen and all these fucking gigs, right?
And I'm like, I fucking do that.
And it went, good job.
Then he came to.
I'm sorry, I didn't do it.
Rob, I already gave you compliments
and you have a skillset and I admire you.
You know what the greatest thing,
because I know that that's the beginning
of he and Rosenbaum, that he approached Rosenbaum
and was like, you should have a website
and you should have this.
Here's a self-starter in a way that I respect so much,
which is like, I'm humble,
let me build this website for you,
let me take pictures,
you don't have anyone taking fun pictures of you,
offering a service, asking for nothing,
it leads to a podcast with Rosenbaum.
I go to Rosenbaum's podcast, we both know Rosenbaum.
He can't make cereal in the morning.
I'm like, how's this thing run so well?
Oh, it's gotta be that guy.
And then I said, Rosie, could I use him as well?
And now we're here.
His version of getting to hear, I love.
What's your version?
That's my version.
I give a lot of credit to you.
It's so crazy.
It's nice, Rob.
It's crazy that you say that
because obviously Dax had no idea.
You're now a deceiver.
And now you're doing shadow play and I don't like it.
Shadow play.
Most recently, Bobby, back to your video being gray,
I watch all these clips on Theo's clips.
I see you on all these video podcasts
and 100% of the time I'm like,
Bobby Lee is so fucking funny and so open
and so pleasant and can play like no one can play.
You just bounce into all these different little ecosystems
and every time you deliver,
and I just literally look at you with great affinity.
Can you hear it?
The compliment. What I just said. Okay, Monica, I'm gonna say this and I'm gonna look at you with great affinity. Can you hear it? The compliments? What I just said.
Okay, Monica, I'm gonna say this
and I'm gonna make a statement right now
and let it forever be true.
I know from now on, for the rest of my life,
that you guys are all friends,
not even acquaintances anymore.
We shouldn't shit for real.
Because you and I never had deep conversations.
We didn't get to do this ever.
We never did this.
But I feel like from now on in life,
every time I see Dax anywhere,
there's gonna be pure love.
Always.
But I did not feel that yesterday.
Okay, oh man.
I wanna be honest with you.
Also, wouldn't you a little bit assume,
I love everyone that's sober.
You gotta be a real piece of shit for me
to not feel a bond with someone.
So, soon as I knew too that we were the same,
I'm always rooting for you, and I feel an immediate kinship with you.
Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm sorry I've just told you that I already told you that okay, okay.
I had a wrong but it's so funny that it's always the case whatever going on in this
fucking sick mind of mine there are narratives and storylines that aren't
even true that I believe and it's insane.
We must have gotten it right at some point where we got so confident in these stories we tell, right?
I mean, there had to be some moment of proof
that we were right.
Are they true because my narrative was
Netflix doesn't like me because I would audition
for a show and not get it,
but it's like that's acting life.
Right.
But then I make this storyline that they hate me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's putting yourself at the center of things
that you're not necessarily at the center of.
Right.
One of the favorite things I've learned in AA,
which is self-pity is the same level of self-obsession
as self-aggrandizement.
The universe doesn't care about you one way or another.
It doesn't care enough about you to harm you
and conspire against you,
and you're not hot shit and it's rewarding you.
You're the same piece of shit of everyone else
and no one's even playing, thinking about you.
It's such an interesting thing. We all do it though. You do it too, Monica? even playing, thinking about you. It's such an interesting thing.
We all do it though.
You do it too, Monica?
Oh yeah, everyone does it.
There's different levels of it.
Yeah, I think it's a human thing.
But I've gotten trouble by believing in these narratives
because then all of a sudden I start wars with people
that aren't even real.
Yeah, you have to police yourself on that.
I've done that on podcasts where I've started wars
with people and then they come onto on to my body goes whoa, dude
I've always like what the fuck is going on here. Oh
Yeah, it's not good sweet dreams sweet dreams dreams. So it's a softball movie
It's basically a movie about a bunch of guys in a halfway house
And they also happen to play on a softball team Knoxvilleville plays the lead, he plays a guy named Morris
and he's hit a bottom, he goes to this halfway house,
he goes through all the things that people do early days
in sobriety, vomiting, not wanting to be there,
rebelling, all that kind of stuff.
Feeling unique.
Right, and obviously me, Theo, and dumbfounded
and all these people live with him at this halfway house
and he gets it, he has sort of an awakening,
he gets a sponsor, starts doing it,
and then we also happen to play softball.
It's this cute, small movie that I think has a lot of heart.
Yeah. I'm excited.
Me too, I'm really excited to see the AA stuff.
What was your softball skill before you started?
Cause I had to play softball in a movie
and I couldn't sleep the night before.
What do you mean?
Cause I had never played it in my whole life.
The first time I'm ever gonna be playing baseball
is gonna be on camera.
No one's thinking in their head like,
oh, we need an athlete, let's get Bobby in the movie.
Right, you know, should we get a body double?
In fact, I did a movie with Rosenbaum
called Kickin' an Old School,
and I danced so bad that they had to get me a body double.
But you were in a break dancing team in high school.
Yeah, I wasn't good.
Oh, okay.
I was in Jabba Walkies.
Okay.
Yeah, so I did the break dancing movie
and they got a Filipino girl.
Oh boy. So if you watch that movie, all the body shots are a woman doing it anyway, so I'm not good at it
But I have to be honest. I think that Johnny's great at softball. He's athletic. Yes big time
I think it was super into baseball as a kid as well. Yeah Gata a guy named Brian Van Holt was great
I think that I was mid-level but there were some guys that were terrible
Did you love being around Jay Moore because he was one of my favorites when I first moved to LA.
I want to say something about him right now.
But it would be starting another war?
No, it's a great thing.
Okay, good.
We've seen people transform, in this business especially.
He's done such a 180 turnaround in his life.
Whenever I see him, I want to cry.
He's such a great example of somebody that's really doing the deal
and really turned his life around.
And I really love that guy so fucking much.
I like him for such a specific reason.
A, I met him a couple of times when I had just moved to LA
and he happened to be neighbors with another dude
and he was so friendly, so that was great.
But I saw one of his bits,
I've had this moment a few times with performers.
He tells this story about being a little kid
and sucking his neighbor's dick,
and his neighbor sucking his dick,
and then 35 years later getting pulled over by him,
and he was a state trooper,
and they're on the side of the road,
and he was acting really tough with them to give a ticket,
and he's like, you know, I just wanna go like,
hey, get real, we sucked each other's dicks
when we were 10 years old.
The same thing happened to me.
Same thing.
What do you mean? I suck somebody's dick. The same thing happened to me. Same thing. Yes. What do you mean?
I sucked somebody's dick. I didn't like the flavor.
Right, sure.
Isn't that my thing?
Right.
I'll be honest.
Yeah, yeah. It wasn't for you.
Also wasn't shamed about it.
Like, I've never had a problem with sexuality in that way.
Maybe because I was molested. I don't know.
So this guy, I sucked his dick in high school.
Then I didn't see him for like 20 years.
Yeah.
And then I was close to his family so his mom had died.
And I went to the funeral and I hadn't seen him since I sucked his dick.
Wow.
Right? So now he's standing next to his mom's casket.
He's probably the last person he wants to see at his mom's funeral.
I know, I know. In fact, in my mind I was like,
I don't think I should do the condolence thing and go around and look at the casket.
Right, right, right.
I could just sit down, right? Like an idiot, I stayed him standing is distraught obviously. I'm walking by the casket
I look at I don't know what to do so I kind of give him a hug
But he kind of you get nervous shoulder sobs my oh, it's good to see you do any does this choose super mancho
Yeah, and I went back. Oh, yeah, I should have just sat down like what do you say?
Yeah, there's nothing to say, but have you ever had an experience like that
where you sucked that guy off?
When you're younger?
Not by choice.
Okay, let's move on.
Yeah, yeah.
What I love about you telling the story
and what I loved about Jay Moore telling the story,
because he was at peak Jay Moore-ness.
That's such a fucking brave thing to do.
So many people have done that
and no one's ever gonna say anything.
Anytime a dude, they were a little, what do they call them?
Not lamp posts, but like markers.
I went, oh wow, someone can be honest and vulnerable and real
and still walk tall and not give a fuck.
It's like oxygen.
I wanna say something, I've never said this before.
Okay.
This is so long, by the way, but I have to add another point.
You're very good at what you do.
It's very good what you do.
I'm engaged still, all right?
So I wanna say still, all right?
So I wanna say that, you know how sometimes kids
become racist, because their parents are racist.
Or they've literally never met that other race.
Literally that.
But I just remember my dad as a young kid,
he said, if you're gay, I kill you, I kill everybody.
But ever since I was a little kid,
I just thought, what's the problem with, you know what I mean?
So I just don't know how I learned that.
Yeah, totally.
I mean, how did I learn?
I was okay with all races, I was okay with sexuality
and so on and no one taught me that.
So are you born with those values?
No.
What happened?
I think this is the great gift
of having a really traumatic life
is you see other people suffering
and you know what it feels like
and you have built an empathy for a lot of people.
And it's the gift of all gifts.
It's worth the trauma.
I hate authority.
Like when I see Russia invading Ukraine,
I just get so overly angry because of my upbringing.
Yeah, yeah, I'm such an underdog.
And so I think you're right.
I'm just there for the underdog.
You're looking at a gay dude and you're like,
oof, man, I know the roughness of that.
I don't know that version of it, but I know...
That guy has an uphill battle like I do.
Any movie or documentary as a kid about the civil rights movement,
all right, I was always on the side of the whites.
No, I was always on the side of the whites!
No, I was always on the side of the black human experience in America.
I used to get so angry back when, like,
black people would be at a diner counter trying to eat
and people spitting on them.
Or a little girl going to school,
integrated school for the first time,
and have protest go.
Adult men.
Adult men, I was like, I wanna kill everybody.
I know, I know.
Anyway, so watch Sweet Dreams, I'm gonna go.
That's what I have to say.
I'm gonna go, check me out on Bad Friends and Tiger Burley.
I have two podcasts.
Thank you for having me.
Oh, such a delight.
I knew you would be great.
You know, you have a show,
and there are days where you're lucky
and someone's coming in, like Jake Johnson's coming in,
and I go, oh, I just have to sit down,
and we're gonna have a great episode,
and I had that very feeling about you.
Thank you.
I adore you.
Everybody go see Sweet Dreams, or if you missed that window,
please see it at home and listen to Tiger Belly
and of course Bad Friends.
Bobby Lee, be well.
Stay tuned for the fact check.
It's where the party's at.
What is that? Ah, hee, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah Do you think anyone starts at the fact check and then goes back into the main episode? I doubt it.
I doubt it.
It wouldn't make sense.
It wouldn't.
It'd be illogical.
But you know, people are illogical.
And they're exciting.
And they're novel.
And they're unique.
And they're crazy.
They're crazy.
Now I've heard people say they skipped the episode entirely
and just went straight to the fact check.
I've read that in the comments.
But then they don't go back.
Right, right. I see. Yeah. Or maybe that's happened, but But then they don't go back. Right, right.
I see.
Or maybe that's happened, but they didn't report it to me.
Report it if that happens, guys.
Oh, you know what I was relieved to see in the comments?
What?
Other people thought that about connections.
We're not alone.
I mean, of course, our sweet armchairs would think that.
Yeah, but I thought you were maybe on the fence about that
when we talked about it last,
that perhaps they were so narcissistic. Yes. They thought that that whole addition of the puzzle was
Was a winky. That's cool. Winky wink
This just made me think of something because I said winky and it made me think of Twinkies
Okay, and I'm writing about my deep hostile envy when I was in elementary school
I had a pack of lunch as you know, and I wanted hot lunch so bad
But then beyond that I had a pack of lunch, as you know, and I wanted hot lunch so bad. But then beyond that, I had a brown,
like a Soviet era brown paper sack.
And then inside was either two cheese sandwiches
or two bologna sandwiches,
and then a little serving, half serving
of store brand plain potato chips.
Mm, Lay's?
Kroger brand. Oh, I see.
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
Big K chips or whatever the fuck.
Yeah.
And I would watch kids open up their metal lunchbox
and I'd watch them removing the Kraft cheese and crackers
prepackaged. The spread.
A pair of Twinkies, a fruit roll-up, pop tarts.
Dunkaroos.
Tons of fun stuff.
And then a dessert.
And then the drink was a high C or a,
you know, whatever the other option was.
Capri Sun. Capri Sun.
Yeah.
Okay, so be honest.
What was your lunch like? Situation?
Yeah, what did you have in there?
My lunch was also brought.
But, because we've talked about this,
I think it's regional, it's school dependent.
You didn't wanna buy.
I did not wanna buy, and I wanted the paper bag.
Oh, interesting.
Yeah, because like a lunch box is too over the top.
Too childish.
Early on, I remember one time I had a thermos
with like SpaghettiOs in it or something.
Ooh, warm SpaghettiOs?
Yeah, but I think I was embarrassed by that.
So eventually it was a-
Thanks for reminding me of that.
I forgot about that hack.
That kids had in Thermos is like Chef Boyardee products
or Franco American.
Franco American with SpaghettiOs.
Oh really?
Was the name of the brand, yeah.
Oh, wow.
You had two options in the can.
I thought it was Chef Boyardee.
There was Chef Boyardee, which was ravioli.
Yeah, I remember that.
So your popular ravioli.
But specifically.
SpaghettiOs.
SpaghettiOs, I believe, is Franco-American.
With Franco-America.
Rob?
Campbell's.
Campbell's.
Campbell's SpaghettiOs is on the can.
There is spaghetti and meatballs with Franco American.
Yeah, that shit was good.
Beef ravioli.
Yeah, they made a great beef ravioli.
Smaller. Not as good as Chef Boyardee.
They had a SpaghettiOs, maybe this was generational.
This one was acquired, maybe?
Yeah, maybe, because it does SpaghettiOs
copyright original as Campbell's Soup Company.
Okay, but Franco American,
their raviolis were much smaller.
So the Chef Boyardee's were big,
and then they came out with Chef Boyardee minis.
By the time I came around, it was all about the minis.
Yeah, but they were biting on Franco-American, or America.
There's cans of that with SpaghettiOs.
Those were good, man.
Their meat, whatever that meat really was, was delicious.
It was good, I ate a lot of it.
I ate a lot of ravioli.
Get home from school, get the can opener out,
boom, in the microwave one minute.
I fucking want it.
I kinda want it, like what?
I do too.
What?
We're naughty.
I know.
Okay, so what did you have?
I had Capri Sun and I had all the junk.
You did, all the pre-packaged I did. He did, all the prepackaged fun stuff.
And would you horse trade?
So first it would just be my deep envy of what they had.
And then I couldn't participate in what became
the classroom bazaar of trading the different things.
So some kid would have the Kraft cheese and crackers,
he'd have his eye on someone's Pop Tart,
and they'd start horse trading.
And everyone would have, they had a lot to barter with.
And I was like, does anyone want a bologna sandwich
or some store brand chips?
Did you present it like that?
No, no, and I'm about to write about the specific part.
That's what I'm writing next is like,
what a disgusting bear I was.
Like I would virtually beg for food.
I would like be seen who's not finishing what
and I would panhandle.
I would go from desk to desk like,
are you gonna eat, I mean, what a loser.
I would ask like, are you gonna eat that second pop tart?
Yeah, and I would just scavenge like a fucking raccoon.
Okay, so to be remembered, you had food.
It just wasn't fun food.
It was not fun at all.
People had fun food.
And I was a big boy.
I wanted more.
I'd eat those two sandwiches and those chips,
and I was like, what else we got?
Who's gonna throw what away?
But it also, so Erin was, I wasn't privy to it
because we went to different elementary schools,
but what we bonded over at one point
is we had both worked at Big Boys.
Now, Alliance Brothers Big Boy, not Bob.
And not Dolly's.
No, not Dolly, our new mascot.
And we were both busboys there when we were,
I was 12 and I think he did when he was 14.
And it was a progression.
At first, I would be clearing the table
and if someone had ordered a Slim Jim,
which is cut neatly in half,
and they had eaten one half
but hadn't touched the other half,
I would eat that half when I got into the kitchen.
I would clear the table and then I would eat the half when I got into the kitchen. I would clear the table.
Sure.
And then I would eat the remaining half of it.
Yeah, it's disgusting, yeah.
Yeah, so that's where it started,
and like all things, slippery slope.
By the end of my time there,
I would take a bite directly out of a big bite.
Oh, someone's bite, ew.
And I felt such shame and embarrassment about that,
and then one day Erin and I just started chatting
about our experience at Big Boy.
And I'm like, did you ever eat the food off of the plates?
And he's like, yeah.
And then he had had the same trajectory.
By the end, you're eating like half eaten fries.
You just don't give a fuck.
You get over that and you just want that yummy food
and it's free.
And now I want you to be really honest
because my reaction of saying ew is like really mean.
If you weren't getting enough food,
but were you getting enough food
and it was just gross and boring and stupid food?
No, what it was is they gave us a half price menu
as an employee there, not even free.
Right.
And we were making, both of us,
this was minimum wage when you were a minor
and you had the card signed, $2.35 an hour.
So I would go in there and I'd work for four hours
and I would make eight and then that's $1.20,
so $9.20.
And a big boy combination at that time
was probably like $8.00, I could've got it for four.
That would've been half the day's wages.
I guess, but I mean more but I mean more like at home.
Yes, no, my mother fed me.
Your mom fed you, yeah, I just wanna be.
I was envious of variety.
Exactly.
And name brand stuff.
But Aaron, was he getting fed?
Yeah, and there's a lot of food,
it was just government food.
Okay, okay, he had enough.
But he and I used to murder that government food.
We would like go through a block of that cheese in no time.
And they could get dinty more a lot. We used to eat a block of that cheese in no time. And they could get denti more a lot.
We used to eat a lot of denti more beef stew at this house.
It's a canned beef stew, it's delicious.
Not set by Brady or Franco, Frank Ocean,
or whatever you said.
Yeah, Franklin Elementary.
It's free stuff.
We would do that at the movie theater
where someone would leave popcorn
and you would just pour the top layer off
and then you got gotta bag a popcorn.
But did you find that you slowly eroded your boundaries?
Originally it was you find the free refill thing,
then dump it out, get the free refill,
and then it was just, there it is.
I'm not going to the concession line.
It's really funny, I was almost,
all that was documented, someone's progress
in working with food.
Yeah, yeah.
I actually think I'd feel the opposite.
Like the more you work there,
the more disgusted you are by the food there.
You would think that, but I also worked at CPK
and I never tired of that food.
I wanted it more the day I quit than I did when I started.
That's surprising, yeah.
Well, it's an addictive food.
Well, sure, allegedly.
What was your prize possession in your launch?
What was the thing that you like?
Did you guys do any trading?
I didn't let you answer.
I don't remember, I'm sure we did,
but I don't remember, it doesn't stick out as a big memory.
I imagine you would've been trying to get cookies.
Yeah, but I also.
You're a cookie boy.
I'm a cookie monster, respect my label, please.
A few armchairs ask for shirts that say cookie boy.
Uh-huh, but I had cookies.
Like it wasn't, I didn't have to trade.
I think, I don't know how it happened.
I don't think I went to the grocery store with my mom.
She just got, and to be fair, she got it all
because it's easy.
It's so much easier to just grab a whole bunch of shit
and throw it in a bag.
Pre-packaged, pre-made.
She didn't have time to make the stuff,
the bologna sandwiches.
Although she did eventually,
she started making my lunch again.
She stopped for a long time, that was up to me.
And then she picked it back up,
I think because she didn't think I was eating well.
Okay, or she missed it.
Or she missed it, maybe.
She's a working woman, she had the guilt,
she might have been in a phase, feeling bad.
This is recently, she's making you lunch again?
No, she does make me lunch.
Well, she definitely makes you lunch
if you're home.
But no.
I've been on many Zoom calls with you
and I'll watch her enter with a big.
A sandwich.
I'll probably have a sandwich tomorrow.
Big plate of sandwiches.
When I get home.
Yeah, I'm taking a red eye tonight.
I'm not looking forward to the flight at all.
Yeah, red eyes are never fun.
Really like to fast forward.
Unless it's a proper 10 hour flight.
Then it's a dream, because you missed the whole thing.
Yes, this is.
No, this is like a four hour flight, right?
Yeah, four, yeah.
Four, four and change, four and a half, four and a quarter.
Yeah.
And also, I imagine too what would happen
is you would be at school,
you'd see a student who had something fun,
and you'd come home and you'd tell them,
Mom, Mom, I want snack wells.
Maybe.
Must have been.
I don't have any memories of food.
Food scarcity.
I guess, yeah, I guess it's food scarcity.
I mean, I remember, obviously I did
because I stole that girl's cookies.
So that was a thing.
But I mean, I had goldfish, I love goldfish.
Sometimes I had, I remember having Cheetos
because I remember playing the game
where like you try not to get any orange on your fingers
while you eat them.
Good luck.
Impossible.
Yeah. Impossible game.
And Les, not to bring it back to Aaron,
but he in his truck kept gloves.
Yes, yes, you did tell me that.
You did say that.
Flaming hot Cheeto habit.
Yeah.
But yeah, no, I have, the Dunkaroos were huge.
And again, remind me what Dunkaroos are.
Dunkaroos was kinda like, you know,
the cheese spread and the crackers,
but instead it was small, tiny cookies and then frosting.
Oh.
And you dipped the tiny cookies in the frosting
and you ate it, but I did choke on it.
Oh. And like, bad.
Oh, in class.
No, no, just thank God.
Oh my God.
If that had happened in school,
where someone had to like heimlich me,
that's the end.
I would have, you would never have met me.
I would have died.
Yeah.
I do think it's a weird form of torture though,
to watch kids have so much fun food around you.
Every single day at lunch.
I'm sure it is.
Yeah, I'm not saying I'm a victim,
and don't feel bad for me, but I will say
it's a bit torturous to tear open that sack
and watch everyone unload their grocery cart, basically.
And they look so happy too.
They're laughing, oh, did you get the horse training?
No one's saying that.
I think you projected, like you projected,
you projected that everyone was talking about their food
and they're not.
How much fun they were having.
Oh, I've never tried these.
Oh my God, this is new.
Mom.
Do you think people are like,
dads cannot stop talking about this.
I must have been, I mean, they must have talked about it.
He's a beggar.
Like he's like having a dog in the classroom.
I mean, it's humiliating when I think about
how he used to approach people's desks.
If I could get some.
You did.
Yes, daily.
It was agonizing.
I was like, there's too much.
They didn't even finish it all.
There's way too much fun stuff.
And they're like throwing the towel at some point.
And I'm like, guys, there's no way you're getting,
don't throw that away.
Yeah.
I haven't had any of those crackers yet.
This is a, this.
Dunkerese.
Come in.
Oh.
Hello.
Hello.
I didn't think about.
I made this for you.
What?
You what?
This is gorgeous.
There are some mistakes.
No, there are no mistakes.
It's beautiful.
Well, don't we call mistakes wabi-sabi?
Yeah, part of what makes you unique.
But this is gorgeous.
Is it a vase?
Yeah.
Wow. It's a small commode.
Oh my gosh.
If she had an emergency in her car,
would you be offended if she pootied in it?
I would never.
I would never pootie in this.
But I would prefer if you didn't tell me.
Okay, that's good to know.
What you don't know can't hurt you.
Oh, we got another visitor who's here now.
This is just beautiful.
Oh my gosh, it's like present hour.
Because you have hair like a mermaid.
Oh my goodness, what?
Hair like a mermaid or a tail like a mermaid?
Pull the microphone close to you
because I think people see here, you got a new character.
This is Delta's set.
These are both so beautiful, I'm so lucky.
But it's like, it's a mermaid.
And then the mermaid hair is attached to the mermaid,
so, and then that's the mermaid tail. And then the mermaid hair is attached to the mermaid's tail,
and then that's the mermaid tail,
and then the mermaid hair is also attached
to the mermaid tail. It's.
Thank you. You need a tissue already?
Give me your for five seconds here.
I'll give you a tissue.
Delta's been very sick. Very, very sick.
Her biggest illness.
Lincoln has managed to avoid, yeah, exactly.
Lincoln, how have you avoided getting this plague
that she's seen today? I have not licked her tongue yet.
Yet.
But certainly you've been in close enough proximity,
and I've smooched her a bunch of times.
Yeah, I'm cool though.
I don't have any symptoms.
I did push-ups today at PE.
Oh. Yeah?
Yeah.
The kind on your toes or your knees?
How many did you do?
Me? Yeah.
That's good.
Hey, Delta, we're trying to have a conversation over here.
So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so. So, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, conversation over here. So, so, so, so, so, so, so.
So, so, so, so, so, so.
Yeah, can you keep it down?
This is her, the middle of the night.
Like, I can hear, I tried to sleep with her
because we sleep with our mom on the weekends,
and I tried to sleep with her, and she just snotted,
and it sounded like she had lost it,
like there was no air in her body because it was just
Yeah, we scared kind of
Yeah, we've all were at numerous times in last week have been worried while sleeping next to Delta that she is
That bad scary breathing
I have that bad scary breathing in the night. Yeah.
Sad.
That's scary.
And then coupled with indiscriminate bouts of crying
while you're asleep too.
Talk a little more into the microphone.
Do you have a memory of crying during the night
in these class?
No, I never remember crying in the night.
Oh, I need headphones.
Yeah, you gotta have them.
I never remember crying in the night. Oh, I need a headphones. Yeah, you got it. I never remember crying in the night,
but I do cry in the night a lot.
And then sometimes I go into the hallway,
and I used to go into the hallway,
and I used to sit down in the middle of the night,
and I was asleep, and I was sleepwalking,
and then I I just cry.
And I can have my third issue.
Yes, yes.
Do you want the box?
No, she can't be trusted with the box.
Oh, okay.
That was a good one.
Waterfall, waterfall.
I have such a raw noise.
Yeah, it's very, that's a great description.
Raw. It's raw.
Yeah, that's true.
Raw with talent. I said I have a raw nose, but okay.
Oh, you said you had a raw nose.
Oh.
It's okay, we'll pretend you said it right.
We'll use AI if it's sick.
Yeah.
Definitely.
Can I publicly commend you, Lincoln,
for having been so patient
the whole week that Delta's been sick
because she's gotten a lot of our attention.
She's gotten zero attention these past weeks.
Yeah, and she's also been incredibly helpful to you.
She's been bringing you things.
Yeah, she gave me a bath one morning.
Oh, that's so sweet.
And she let me use all of her mochi.
Oh, that's a big. And she let me use all of her emojis. Oh, that's a big.
Turn into little squishies.
Yeah.
I love their emoji.
You guys are very nice to each other.
I really like it.
When it counts.
When it matters.
It was a test course.
It was a very, because there was two conflicting thoughts.
Like, be kind to her and.
And maybe murder her.
Yes, and murder her or or just get her high on,
I don't know, mucinex so she passes out.
Sure.
So then you guys are like with me.
Yeah, that's honest and true.
Most people struggle with these thoughts.
Yeah, but then I just realized that the only way
to get through this and to look back
and have no regrets is to be kind to her.
So I was just like her little assistant
and I asked her TA if she could have a homework packet
and I gave it to her and I was like,
I know you may not like this.
And she grabbed a pencil and just started
whatever you want to do.
Yeah, I turned off the TV and started to write.
Oh, because you miss school.
Yeah, I miss school, I wanna go home.
When you went into her classroom, Lincoln,
did you present yourself as Delta's executive assistant?
Yeah.
Here to pick up her work?
No, but I walked in, and then half of the class are girls,
and all of them just started charging at me,
like running and screaming, Delta, is she okay?
I have a card for her!
Oh, my god.
Actually, today, Delta got her friendship bracelet
and a card. her! Actually today Delta got a friendship bracelet and a card.
So popular.
Yes, and I'm like don't worry guys she's feeling better.
Yeah I got a card and it was really nice and I had a little red friendship bracelet and it said BFF.
And then I got've been having fights
at schools, and then it was one of my friends telling me
that there was been no fights between that group,
and that relieved me.
Oh, that's good.
You are very popular.
You are very popular.
I've got a lot of friends.
Like, Jessie, Jessie's my best friend,
and half the time I was talking to her today,
she was like, is Delta okay?
Oh, Jesus, you know, is Yuri the? It's affecting best friend and half the time I was talking to her she was like is Delta okay? Oh Jesus, you know, is Yuri the least?
It's affecting my friend group.
Oh my god, it's trickling in.
Yeah, so as you admitted to Delta you got a lot of attention this last couple weeks
So let me give Lincoln a little attention right now and just say I want her to share with people
How's it my mouth?
Excuse me?
How's it my mouth?
Oh, okay.
Hello, how's in my mouth?
Okay, so Lincoln and I took a walk the other day.
Oh.
And Lincoln, well, we walked by our house,
she said, what's your favorite house in this neighborhood?
And I said, well, I kinda like this one
because it has a name,
and I know you've seen it too, Monica.
There's a house called Casa del Contento.
Oh, okay.
Or Del Contento.
And so then Lincoln said,
we need to name our house that we're building in Nashville.
Oh.
So we were thinking for a while,
and then we decided that it has to be something
that's ridiculous, hillbilly-like,
but then also something like prestigious and fancy.
Ooh, tough, tall order.
Yes, exactly.
So, dad suggested.
I think you should hit him with the full name.
Okay, so dad suggested this one thing
and we laughed about it, and I was like,
what's the toilet brand name that we use?
Right, so we have automatic water spraying toilet seats
and they're called Brondels.
They're called Brondels. They're called Brondels.
So then we decided the full name would be Brown Trout Lodge.
Whoa!
Because Brown Trout means poop.
Oh!
Brown Trout Lodge, located in Brondel Springs.
I like that. USA.
The Brown Trout Lodge in Brondel Springs, USA.
But then it was like, we named the house Brown Trout Lodge,
right? Sure.
But then we had to name this bar.
We were like, it has to kind of represent the gym
because all the gym equipment's gonna be in there,
so you proposed.
Dan Gaines Beef Bar at Burundle Springs.
And for events, Dan Gaines Beef Bar Buffet.
Oh!
Yeah, when we have parties.
Breakfast buffet, yeah, like everything.
And then we also made our song,
Brondle Springs has good things.
Brondle Springs gives you wings.
Ooh!
Brondle Springs.
So it's more of a chant, but we know we're gonna,
we're also gonna come up with a country song that.
Yes, like a campfire kind of.
Maybe Bluebird Cafe. Exactly. Youfire kind of. Maybe Bluebird Cafe.
Exactly.
You could sing it at the Bluebird Cafe.
Yes, and I have, okay.
I have Lincoln currently deployed making artwork
for some imagery to accompany the name and the location,
so she's in the middle of that.
Yes, designing the merch for Brow Trap Lodge, yes.
Located in Brondble Springs, USA.
Okay, I love you two so much, but we also,
we have to work.
Please hand me those 62 tissues.
Give me just four of them.
Okay, I love you, sweet.
Love you guys.
Bye, love you, thank you so much for my special.
Bye, Harbjord expert.
Bye.
Bye, bye. Bye, Buck. I love it so much. Bye, bye. Bye, Buck.
I love it so much.
Thanks, Bunny.
Come on, just showered in presents.
So many presents.
Beautiful, beautiful face and a little jewelry catch-all.
It's so cute.
Well, you'll be able to hang things on that tail even.
You could do a...
Do rings or something.
Put your Dunkaroos in there.
I could, I could.
Did you hear Delta's character?
It's more than just she's sick.
So first her voice went.
Yeah.
But then it developed into a whole character.
Yeah, she's doing a thing, yeah.
Yes, yes, yes.
So every conversation I've had with her is like,
I'm on an SNL sketch for the last week.
She's so cute.
Yeah.
Oh man, she was really sick. Yeah, it's got a little concerning there for a minute.
Yeah, got a little scary.
Someone thought she had mono for a minute,
one of the doctors.
Yeah, I heard that.
Nine years old is too tiny for mono.
Yeah.
But it wasn't. Glad it wasn't that.
Okay, we were discussing, Ooh, tiny firmano. Yeah. But it wasn't. Glad it wasn't that. Yeah.
Okay, we were discussing,
so I was about to ask a thought, like a question.
About food we were still talking about?
About food.
Oh.
Begging.
Okay, yeah.
Is it rude or normal?
Like if you're at a dinner party
and someone doesn't eat all the food.
Yeah.
And isn't going to take it home.
Should it be expected that you would get it?
Me?
Anyone.
Yeah, I definitely think it's cool to go,
like when someone's clearly done,
and you go, are you gonna have any more of that steak?
And they'll go, oh no, take it.
I think your knee jerk would be to go like,
oh no, do you want it?
Yeah, of course. And of course it should get eaten if someone still wants to eat take it. I think your knee jerk would be to go like, oh no, do you want it? Yeah, of course.
And of course it should get eaten
if someone still wants to eat.
Yeah, I think so too.
Yeah, that should be standard operating procedure.
But I guess it can cross a line.
Yeah, to me sometimes it can cross a line.
Well, I know exactly what it could be
is that if your pace is slow
and someone's monitoring you,
waiting for you to throw in the towel,
but you're like, I'm just eating slow stuff.
And I don't like that.
Stop paying attention to this.
Yes. Yeah, okay.
It's like eating next to jackals.
And that's what I was, I was like a hyena,
a serpent, you know when the lions are eating the carcass,
and I was just there as a hyena,
like let me have some skin.
Right.
Give me that bone, no one's eating.
It just makes the vibe a little weird.
Absolutely. Yeah.
Again, it's all regrettable.
No, you were just a kid.
Yeah, but I'm pretty embarrassed by the way.
I just crawled around the classroom like.
There's some cheese left in the bottom of that.
Oh God, did you use your finger to scoop up the cheese?
Oh my God, yes, of course.
But there is a red stick.
But it doesn't get the corners.
And I would even fold out the bottom.
Yeah.
And then suck on it.
Yeah.
God.
Gotta get every last morsel.
Sure.
It was great training for when I would be
at the end of a cocaine bag
and you turn that inside out
and rub it all around your mouth and stuff.
Wow.
Okay, well that's a ding ding ding
because it's for Bobby Lee.
Oh, I loved this episode.
Me too, I did too.
But addiction comes up.
So, okay, you said that Asians are good at math
because of rice production,
like that's where that stereotype comes from.
Malcolm Gladwell.
Yeah, he's got a chapter on it.
Is, yeah, and he says,
he says it's not true for the reasons you might think,
like genetic predisposition to math.
It's because they come from a cultural heritage
of rice farming, which created a culture of diligence.
So then he has a whole thing about the importance
of diligence in math.
Says when it comes to math,
the best students are the ones willing to spend
a lot of time figuring out how to solve a problem.
Okay, so there's that.
And then the next fact is also Malcolm Gladwell,
which is crazy.
You know what's funny is I just had breakfast
with Malcolm Gladwell.
Oh my gosh.
Yeah, and we were talking about,
I was telling him about the memory expert we had on
and that there's actually a period,
and I had forgotten the name of it,
and I don't remember it now,
but the period where you log and lock in
the most amount of memories,
and it said in that book, between 20 and 30,
which is why those are your favorite movies,
and those are your favorite.
I thought it was like 13.
Okay, let's say it was 14 and 30,
but it went up to 30.
Okay. And I was telling him, I was say it was 14 and 30, but it went up to 30. Okay.
And I was telling him, I was on my tear of his books
in my late 20s, and they're almost like the last bit
of books I locked in all of the information.
That's interesting.
And I was asking him if he has those books,
and he goes, oh yeah, not only do I have those books,
I regularly go back and read them.
Like they're the only ones I'm interested in going back
and kind of brushing up on it.
Yeah, that makes sense.
And I was like, yeah dude, I can like tell you
every paragraph of the Korean airline fucking chapter.
Yeah.
They're so cemented in my brain.
That's funny.
Unlike anything else.
The reminiscence bump from 10 to 30.
10 to 30, okay.
Okay, but so the second fact, you said airplane crashes
are it's never just one thing that goes wrong.
I feel a little anxious doing this today
as I'm about to get on an airplane.
It's gonna comfort you,
because several things have to go wrong.
Well, according to outliers, a typical plane crash
involves seven consecutive human errors. Seven, I typical plane crash involves seven consecutive human errors.
Seven, I mean that's a lot of human errors.
Yeah, I mean there have been a lot of knock on wood
airplane stuff recently though.
That's true, there was that what, door.
There was the door, but then there was also some software
that would trick the plane into thinking.
There's like a whole bunch of.
Well there's a whole Boeing trial going on, right?
And then the guy killed himself.
Yeah.
Just giving rise to conspiracy theories, of course.
Yeah, okay, ayahuasca, I was just looking up a little bit
about what it does, what it does to the brain.
And it says.
Obliterates, what if it just had one word?
It says it just has activations in the occipital,
temporal, and frontal areas of the brain.
I mean, there's not that much.
I can't imagine it's been studied all that thoroughly.
Yeah, it says activates a complicated network of vision
and memory which heightens the internal reality
of the participants.
Guess how it's spelled.
Iowaska, A-Y, am I already off?
No.
A-Y-I-O-X-I-C-A.
Okay, you were right, you started off right.
Yeah, A-Y-A-H-U-A-S-C-A.
Oh, I thought there was an X in there. I thought there was a I, A-Y-A-H-U-A-S-C-A.
Oh, I thought there was an X in there. I thought there was a I.
I thought it started with an I.
Okay, ayahuasca, yeah.
But I think it's I like ayayay.
Yeah, clearly is.
Yes, obviously.
We know that now, I just said that.
Now we know.
Okay, you said you think that men watch YouTube more.
Right.
54.4%, so not that much more.
Yeah, just hardly a majority.
Yeah.
That must have changed.
I think that's come down.
It makes sense though, because there's so much makeup videos
and all these things that women watch on YouTube.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I think more and more content
is drawing them there as well.
Yeah, definitely.
But it would have been easy when back when it was more
like a 60 or 70% market share that men had.
I would have then made the argument
in the same way we would make about them sexually
that men are so visual.
Yeah, but no.
But no.
Yeah. Can't make that.
Yeah, yeah, and women watch porn apparently more than men.
It's crazy.
All right, those, thems to facts.
Thems was the facts?
Yes.
Any updates from you?
No, not really.
I'm going, as I said, I'm going on a flight.
I'm going home for Mother's Day.
That's very nice of you.
Yeah.
And is your mom excited about that?
Yes, yes.
She feels excited.
Loved?
I hope so.
I'm also, Alison Roman's doing a live show.
Oh, she is.
She has a podcast and she's doing a live show
and she asked me to be her guest, so I'm gonna do that.
Fun, you're doing a live show in Atlanta?
Yeah.
Well, oh, this will already,
you'll have already done it.
We should have said something on the previous fact check. I know, I guarantee you, there's, in the annals of comedy,
there was a comedy troupe named the SpaghettiOs.
Unfortunately, I guarantee you.
I'm sure of it.
Right here, run to you.
I'm debating whether I should drive to the airport.
Sure, if you're just going for two days.
The only problem that I have is that I'm not gonna be
in the airport for a week.
I'm not gonna be in the airport for a week.
I'm not gonna be in the airport for a week. I'm not gonna be in the airport for a week. I'm not gonna it. I guarantee you. I'm debating whether I should drive to the airport.
Sure, if you're just gone for two days.
The only problem that I can foresee.
I've never done it.
Well, here's the thing.
I do it often, but I only do it in Kristen's car
because there's electric car only parking
and there's always spots.
But I have been there where I was like,
fuck man, if we hadn't driven the electric car,
I don't know that there'd be a parking spot here.
So that's a little scary.
But I wonder if there's a way,
a website that tracks.
I mean, fuck, the parking lots are so automated
and they tell you whether there's spots.
I wonder if you could find out ahead of time
if there's vacancy.
And then I can just leave.
Yes.
Which would be really nice. So'll figure that so that's a debate
So that's a TV that's for Thursday take your Prius and you can park in there
No, you can't he's got a tape the charger to yes
You charge it for like two days then you just plug it in to
Satisfy them and not even doing any real charges charge from my house then? You just plug it in to satisfy them.
And not even doing any real charging.
Charge from my house, and then you have to put
your credit card in.
Oh yeah.
I mean this is where people who would go like,
call bullshit on some of this stuff,
they have a point.
I mean, I guess it incentivizes people
to drive electric cars.
Yeah, but I don't think anyone,
but I don't know, maybe I take that back.
But I'm sure people are charging their cars.
Probably, I mean, that'd be a great place to do it
if you go on a flight for a day.
Yeah. For two days.
You didn't charge,
I just don't know who doesn't charge their car at night.
Like, I don't know many people who are like
panically looking for a charging station.
Not many people I know in LA
are driving more than 100 miles a day.
You know, the ranges on these things are like 200 miles.
And it's like three hours to charge it.
So if you're leaving it for two days,
it's charged right away.
Yes, that's another interesting part.
You charge your car every night, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, every couple nights, but at home.
Right, and you're never looking for a charging opportunity.
No, only if we're driving to like Big Bear or Joshua Tree.
Right, and you'll go one of those fast chargers things.
And are those fun?
I've heard there's like,
some of them have cappuccino and stuff.
Oh.
I don't know about that.
I don't do it enough for them.
Cappuccino?
My God.
Yeah.
Sounds flux.
I like that.
Me too.
Okey doke, well, I hope everyone enjoyed that episode
because I thought it was really nice.
I loved it.
I hope everyone listens to it.
Me too.
Me too.
It had all the things.
He's so fucking funny.
Oh my God, he is so funny.
You know, when you're re-listening to it,
are you just dying?
He's very, very funny.
Oh, I love him.
Is there an update about jogging?
Only because it's been a hot button topic in the comments
and I just wonder if you had any more.
Actually, yes.
Oh, tell me.
I have been running at a different time.
Great, earlier, imagine?
To try to avoid the situation.
And also I have a friend who knows someone in that group.
Oh, interesting.
And have they talked to them?
I don't know, I just said yesterday,
I was like, this is what's going on,
and she said, oh, I know someone who goes there.
Yeah, there's like a patch of grass,
and they all meet,
because they invited her, because she has a dog.
Oh, okay.
And she was like, well, it's far away from me, so.
But, yeah.
We met an incredible dog today.
We did, it was a really good dog, I liked it.
Oh my God, I never met a dog like that.
Yeah, it was really nice.
It was so weird.
She was nice.
She was a mix, she looked like a wild animal,
but she was so happy.
Yeah, well she looked like a husky.
I think she looked like a fox, she was tiny.
Yeah, very fluffy. But yeah, so the update is, she was tiny. Very fluffy.
But yeah, so the update is I've adjusted.
Okay.
You feel defeated by that adjustment?
I'm not happy about it, no, I'm not.
I also feel like it's funny to me
that it's, as you say, a hot button issue.
I don't look at the comments and I'm not going to,
especially if there's mean stuff about my opinion.
Well, is disagreement mean?
Well, I don't know, I'm not on there.
I assume yes because the internet's mean.
Oh, okay, that's probably a logical assumption.
No, there's disagreement.
Okay.
Anyway, I stand by that I feel that people should be aware
of other people out in the world, but that's fine.
I can adjust.
All right, I love you.
Have a blast in Atlanta and have fun with your mom
and tell her that I love her and give her a hug
and a kissy.
I will.
Thank you, Ashok, for the sim.
It continues to be great.
I will.
All right.
Pass it along.
Please do.
Okay, bye.
Love you.
Love you.