Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Cas Holman (on being playful)

Episode Date: October 29, 2025

Cas Holman (Playful: How Play Shifts Our Thinking, Inspires Connection, and Sparks Creativity) is a toy creator, play designer, and author. Cas joins the Armchair Expert to discuss creating m...odular ecosystems of play in her toys, studying in the rainforest as a Banana Slug, and her gender-bending appearance on Maury Povich. Cas and Dax talk about learning how to both fabricate and tell a story in design school, instilling ideals with her adventure playground, and the twelve different play types for adults and children. Cas explains why the subway is such a safe space to cry, how great innovation comes from play, and that continuing to play is also a powerful form of resistance.Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert, experts on expert. I'm Dan Rather and I'm joined by Barbara Walter. It's been a minute. Today we have a very interesting guest, Kass Holman. She is a play designer, and RISD was a RISD professor.
Starting point is 00:00:36 Ooh, very fancy. Which I'm embarrassed. I didn't know about RISD until we started doing this show. Remember we had a guess. And you were like, this is shameful that you don't know what RISD is. But now I do. Now you do. She has a book out now called Playful.
Starting point is 00:00:49 Playful, ding, ding, ding. Playful. How play shifts are thinking, inspires connection, and sparks creativity. You know, the second I saw playful, I was like, let's get Cass in here. I know. It's very us. Yeah. Please enjoy Cass Holman. This episode of Armchair Expert is presented by Apple Pay.
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Starting point is 00:03:09 Nice to meet you, welcome Thank you for the hug Of course I brought you here have kids So you're a bigger toy Toy box I have toys for everybody And then for you for the kids
Starting point is 00:03:22 Thank you so much Not only do I have kids But they're very up your alley kids Because they play? They play like motherfuckers. They are playing machines. We have adult toys. I said I think we should unbox on air.
Starting point is 00:03:34 Okay, great, great, great. Yeah, I think that's hilarious. Yeah. Gimo? Gimo. Gimo. Yeah, like, GMO. I'm going to open it.
Starting point is 00:03:42 Like, it's a genetically modified organism. I know everything about these. You want me to tell you as you want to open? Oh, my God. Sure. Okay. Why have colors? They're based on bone marrow.
Starting point is 00:03:50 That was the inspiration. Also, she thought about color coding the magnet so that you would always know which one stick together. And then she thought, why not let the kids discover this? Right. Thank you very much. Wow. In life, sometimes you are confronted by things that you don't know what to do with
Starting point is 00:04:05 and you kind of like can flow with it. So why not? Unexpected. They're mildly perverse, which I like. Yeah. Would you agree, Moni? Isn't there something just a little bit like, ooh? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:18 I love it. In a wonderful way. External organ style. Yeah, exactly. They have to grab the mic. I feel like I'm going to break rule number one. I don't even know what it is, but I'm going to ask, how do you win this? Yeah, that's a perfect setup.
Starting point is 00:04:34 I wonder if that has anything to do with your adulthoodness. I wonder. You know what Elsie's are? They're very Susian. Yeah, they are. I was just reading last night, oh, the places you'll go to my 10-year-old. Oh, nice. And I was looking at the drawings.
Starting point is 00:04:47 They're so imaginative and creative. They don't resemble anything you're used to seeing, nor do they even necessarily. make sense structurally. There's so much liberty taken by him that's so fun. In his drawings, you can see that he's playing. You can tell when he might start a line and not know where it's going. And so I think that for him, drawing was probably kind of free play. I don't know this.
Starting point is 00:05:09 I haven't done a deep dive into the process. I have the same conclusion. It's like, I don't think he sat down to go like, I'm going to make an elephant with a flag point on. I think he just started drawing and then there was a flag. Then there's a kid with a bugle. You can tell when someone loves what they do or when it's, play for them. The line looks different and the drawing looks different. This is fun. Now, here's
Starting point is 00:05:30 where we'll bump up against. So we'll have our own isms, Moni, with this book playful. Oh, great. Yeah, we'll bring to the table our own isms. And one would be for me right away, it's not OCD, it's OCDP. We learned. Oh, interesting. Do you know what OCDP is? I know that there's different branches of internal outward facing. I was using it wrong, and it was kind of offensive, which is I would describe my preference for things being right-angled as my OCD. But that's not OCD. That's just good craft. That's just being meticulous.
Starting point is 00:06:03 Tidy guy. The distinction is, is it in keeping with your morals? If it is, it's not OCD. OCD is, I'm afraid I'm going to molest a kid. I'm afraid I'm going to kill someone. I'm afraid I'm going to drive myself into a concrete barrier. These compulsive thoughts that are actually in great discord with your moral values. But like people who are just neat freaks and they go,
Starting point is 00:06:24 I'm OCD, but they also agreed that you should be neat. And probably not disrupting their lives. No, right? No, other than maybe they have to clean more than. So anyways, but I do have a good degree of like, so right now, I like even things. Right. One's inherently left out. I know.
Starting point is 00:06:39 I noticed that to. Oh, what will I do with this errant? I know. And that's where. So GMO likes to live in its environment. The errant one may go and find something to hang out with. Oh. Right?
Starting point is 00:06:51 So like yours grabbed your microphone. Yeah. I should have let him stay there. I feel bad. I pulled him off. That extra limb gets to find a place and then live there and become part of it. Yeah. This is dangerous.
Starting point is 00:07:04 It is. I know my friend, I'm not going to concentrate on you at all. When I first designed it, there were a few other systems. It was part of it, I called it the modular ecosystem. Uh-huh. So it wasn't about each of them living independently. It was like they were all codependent. You know, maybe it's parasitical.
Starting point is 00:07:18 Maybe it's... Let's say symbiotic. Symbiotic. Symbiotic. Yeah. Yeah, we don't like codependence here. And there's a different episode. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:07:27 They need each other. Gimo needs to be part of its environment. It seeks to live in balance. I love it. I love it. You're from Northern California. We're roughly the same age. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:38 It sounds like we grew up similarly in that. I was completely unsupervised until 6.30 p.m. when my mom got home from work. Yeah. Also not a great student. I did well because I was smart. But then I went to college and that's where I realized I was a terrible student. I only did well in high school because high school was kind of easy.
Starting point is 00:07:55 Okay. Where did you go to college? UC Santa Cruz. I mean, banana slugs. I could have guessed that. I mean, I'm mad at myself. I didn't guess that. What's banana slugs mean?
Starting point is 00:08:05 That's our mascot. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, so no grade. Pass vail. There were no grades at the time. But I still did terribly. Okay.
Starting point is 00:08:15 Because I just was like, wait, study on command. I didn't know how to do that. I was not going to hold still and read a whole book. in one night. In school, I learned how to do school. Yeah. And then I had a kind of a lack of foundational understanding of how to do rigor. Uh-huh. And what did you major in at UC Santa Cruz? I started in sciences. I dropped out after two years because I lost all my scholarships. And I went and lived in the Galapagos Islands for a year and a half. All right. Chasing iguanas and learning about biodiversity. Okay, great. Yeah. Just that. This is where Darwin took the HMS Beagle. Did you do
Starting point is 00:08:52 mushrooms in the Redwoods up in Santa Cruz? Absolutely. Part of where I didn't do great in undergrad. Fairy Village. Did you spend time in Santa Cruz? I went up there and bought a half pound of mushrooms and we spent a few days there. And then my best friend and I did a couple different walks through the Redwoods on lots of mushrooms. And I was just talking about mushroom journeys with somebody. I said, I think my all-time favorite of all time was the Redwoods in Santa Cruz. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:13 Very fun. Lots of really good fairies there who really want to help you have a wonderful time on mushrooms. No interest in you going to class. No, no, no. And those trees are very much involved as well. The redwoods are, and the campus is in the redwoods. Between classes, you walk through the redwood forest. That's incredible. Which could be really grounding or also really distracting. Sure. If you would rather go hang out in the moss. So after Galapagos, where do we go? We ultimately must get a degree because we become a professor
Starting point is 00:09:44 at some point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've kind of adventured my way into figuring out a way to be who I am and also be gainfully employed. So from Galapagos, I went back to school and was like, I'm going to finish this. I want to figure out what my own thing is. Also, because being surrounded by scientists who were so passionate about the research they were doing and about the work, I wanted that for myself.
Starting point is 00:10:07 I was pretty bad at science for the same reason I was bad at a lot of school. Doing something the same way twice was just not interesting. Yeah. So I went back to UC Santa Cruz and eventually finished in fine art sculpture and feminist theory. Okay. And you leave there, and then do you do graduate school? No, I was a chef. Okay.
Starting point is 00:10:26 All three undergrad. Oh, my God. I worked in a diner, like literally the diner in the bus station. Whoa. Lippin eggs. I was a shorter to cook. But then worked my way up, moved to San Francisco, was in a great kitchen, this place called Hawthorne Lane. And my three-month review came, and they said, we want to promote you.
Starting point is 00:10:44 And I was like, I quit. Oh, my God. Wow. And you're really hard to pin down. I know what I was like, I'd be like, I give up. I don't know that's just fucking. Or your parents.
Starting point is 00:10:57 I think you had the perfect mom though for this journey. It seems from the dog. She's nervous. She's the nervous from the start. She rolls with it and tries. But yeah, she's always worried in a very protective way. Yes. In ways that are supportive of me as a human,
Starting point is 00:11:13 but also not supportive of the fact that I was weird and queer. and the artist thing is hard for poor families. Yes, of course. They want safety. You're smart. We want you to succeed. We want you to do better than we are. Yes, yes, yes.
Starting point is 00:11:28 It was all concern. I just want you to have an easier life. This was so many conversations we had. Really, really hard conversations with my mom were about. She just wanted to be easier. Even me being queer, she was like, I don't want that for you because your life is going to be hard. Right, yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:42 It would be so much harder for me to live as somebody I'm not. Pretend. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Her biggest struggle for so many years, raising two kids alone, was money. So she was like, both of you are smart and you're going to go on and have jobs and not worry about money. Eventually, to answer your question five steps ago, I thought, I have a degree. At that point, I kind of had graduated from UC Santa Cruz. I may have had like two credits missing, which was very disappointing.
Starting point is 00:12:09 It's not a lot of credits missing. It's not very many credits. I still walked. My mom did notice that in the booklet of the graduates of 19. 1992 or whatever it was, 94 numbers. There were the graduates. And then she was like, weird, where is Cass? And then there's the people who will graduate in the winter.
Starting point is 00:12:29 It was seniors also participating. Oh, she did that section. Interesting. Oh, my God. Well, it's rare that you can say someone did a ceremony ceremonially. Oh, true. Like you were just kind of, it was like pageant. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:45 You weren't really graduating, but you were. participating in the ceremony. I was participated. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, I have a recurring dream all the time that somehow, I don't know what happened. Everyone graduated, but I forgot to, like, get some credits, I was supposed to. It's a recurring dream. I have the same one.
Starting point is 00:13:01 I'm finding out, oh, yeah, they let you walk, but you were supposed to make up two credits. And did you both officially graduate? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we did. There's no foundation for this fear. It's so weird. I wonder what it means. There's the performance of it, and it often doesn't matter.
Starting point is 00:13:16 What does it mean to, like, go to school? What does it mean to graduate? Being there is such a big part of it. So you can feel like I am just finished with this experience. But that doesn't mean that on the books, the bureaucratic end is finished. Right, right, right. So maybe this is like a dream. I'm going to go ahead and just take a stab at some dream analysis for no reason.
Starting point is 00:13:35 Please do. Absolutely outside of my expertise. I guess now it's play, right? Yeah. Absolutely play. And say that there's a disconnect between the experience and the experience and the, their bureaucracy. So you're like, is there some part of what I'm doing well and how I'm succeeding, right? Because you're graduated in the dream that's not in line with a bureaucratic
Starting point is 00:13:55 ideal. When you set your sights on something and it was challenging and you spent years working towards it, I think it's natural that you accumulate some anxiety around that topic. I have dreams where I show up on a set and I'm quickly realizing, oh, you're directing this. Oh, I haven't read the script. Wait, is that a dream? That's a dream. I have recurrently. But I have no anxiety as a director in real life.
Starting point is 00:14:23 But none. I love being on a set. I'm quite confident. But in these dreams, I somehow have been directing something I haven't read the script of yet. And I'm panicked. It's a similar thing. I tell my kids when they have nightmares, your dreams and your nightmares are this beautiful way of your brain telling you what you care about. Because if you didn't care about it, you wouldn't be fearful.
Starting point is 00:14:41 It's going to go away. So if you look at it, you're just like, oh, it's a reminder of what I cherish is kind of sweet. Yeah, I feel like it's kind of more like I forgot something important. Oh, my God, how this happened. This was really important and I didn't do it. Yeah, it's anxiety for sure, I think. I'm just curious, do you start work as a designer before you start teaching? When I stopped cooking, I wanted an office job.
Starting point is 00:15:05 I'd never worked in an office. And I think I was 25 or 24 or something at that point. So I went to a temp agency and at that point I had a college degree theoretically, but I'd never worked in office. I had to take typing in high school, but I intentionally did really poorly because I didn't want to be a secretary. That was the job in 1990. Computers were not part of my life. Right, right. Or I never imagined typing would be about anything other than administration. So they were like, you don't have any experience with anything.
Starting point is 00:15:39 It relates to this. You're kind of useless to any employer. I was like, but I have a degree. So office job, right? So I was able to get a couple of different placements through this temp agency. One was with the AIDS Walk, a nonprofit. And there were a couple of other nonprofits where the work itself wasn't difficult, but the emotional attachment to what the work was about.
Starting point is 00:15:57 Sure. I was like, I am too sensitive for this. I don't need to cry after a day's work in an office about the bigger picture of the work we're doing. So I was learning a lot about what kind of work I could do. And I wound up with this company called CRI. They were a high-end furniture company. Long story short, I realized what design was. And I was like, oh, I want to be a designer.
Starting point is 00:16:20 And also it kind of started to make sense with what I was doing in my art in the meantime because I'd been performing a lot. You were doing drag. Had you already been on Moripovitch? That's coming. Yeah. You had already been on Mori-povich. Well, tell us that. Mori happened while I was working with this high-end, with Herman Miller.
Starting point is 00:16:35 Because Mori had a segment, is it a guy or a girl? Yeah. Is it a man or a woman? A man or woman. And then people would come out, be men or women or people in drag, and then the audience, they voted? Who voted? The audience screamed. It's a man.
Starting point is 00:16:48 It's a woman. It was a nightmare. Did you sign up for this? Oh, yeah, because it was like free trip to New York. Yes. And your hobby at that time was drag, right? You were performing in San Francisco. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:01 All of the people around me that were performing at this club, they also did it the other way. So some of the drag queens would go and they wanted drag kings. Kings. So an audience screaming, it's a man, it's a woman. Okay. And what was the verdict? I passed. Meaning? They thought it was a man. Okay. And also, it was just a testament to how dumb gender is or how dumb needing to know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they had a bunch of kind of misfits, witches and male presenting trans people. And then I was like kind of drag king, but also gender schmender. And then they had these, it can best describe them as really sweet gay boys who were drag performers. their drag was as women. Yes.
Starting point is 00:17:41 So they would kind of make them look like women and then put a mustache on them. So interesting. In order to try to trick the audience. Oh, boy. So they were so late. Oh, my God. The whole thing was just like, wow. They had him gratcheting up the state.
Starting point is 00:17:55 Did you leave and were you like, what? I mean, while we were there, we were like, what is happening? It was one of their higher grossing shows or bigger audience shows. So we spent three days, giving costumes, and they took us shopping to put us in gowns, because in the end, we were supposed to be exposed for what we really were. Yeah, it's so 90s. It is. It is so 90s.
Starting point is 00:18:16 Oh, my God. That was a whole experience. Did you watch the Jerry Springer documentary that was on Netflix? No. It's fascinating. Okay. I watch that. It's so fun to watch because I'm regularly having these moments where there's such a disconnect.
Starting point is 00:18:27 From what I live through it and seemed completely normal. And now in this vantage point, it's like, what was going? So I'm watching and I'm remembering that I watch it. It was like, it was over the top. But also it wasn't insanity. But now when I'm watching, I'm like, oh, sure. It was just straight insanity. It was like one hour of insanity on TV every day.
Starting point is 00:18:44 And maybe it led up to reality TV in a way, right? They're kind of instigating fights. That was where we were kind of playtesting reality TV. Who's the dad? Well, I wonder how that'll go. I know. Right? Just you get two men out there being potentially emasculated on television.
Starting point is 00:19:01 I wonder what'll happen. I wonder if they'll fight each other. It's like pre-internet knowing that outrage. cells. They stumbled upon it. I bet I would watch the Moripovich thing and be like, what is going on? But I know when I was in the 90s watching and I was like, oh, fun, I wonder. Yeah, wait.
Starting point is 00:19:20 You know. Is it a bad. Let's find out. Yeah. Originally, they didn't want me to break dance because they're like, that's too weird, so it'll be too obvious. Cass is a great break dancer. Cool. I did the worm.
Starting point is 00:19:33 I had this really dramatic entrance. I didn't know what music. They couldn't get my music cleared. So they're like, we'll just play some music. I was like, that's okay. Okay, sorry. That was just a very fun story I learned about you. So you're at CRI?
Starting point is 00:19:47 Yeah, they were very supportive of me going on Maripovich. They shut the office down to watch. I had never felt so seen. I was like, you want to what? How's this going to go? Because I also felt like I was having to pass as a office person or as a business person. Corporate America person. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:03 And my friend, Lady Sergio and I, who was my drag girlfriend, we both worked there. So they loved us for who we were, but we were still kind of like, what kind of code switching do we have to do? Yeah, of course. How far can we actually live out loud here? Yeah, and that was proof in fact that I could be exactly all of it. Yeah, it was really, really nice. And so when I went back to school, that was for design. So I went to Cranbrook, also no grades, very open-ended.
Starting point is 00:20:28 Where's Cranbrook? Outside of Detroit. Oh, that Cranbrook. My sister went to the high school there. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Bloomfield Hills. The campus is gorgeous.
Starting point is 00:20:36 beautiful, yeah. And there's just a grad program there that's really small, but very craft-based. Like, everybody has a studio. No classes, no grades. You're just making art and having critique. Wow. How cool. And like reading groups and things like that. Are you learning the history of industrial design and all these different things? Is there any history being taught or technique? Yeah, and the technique, it was all peer to peers. For example, I had a project that I needed a welded part. So I went to a friend that I'd met at lounge. There was a lounge where everybody, once a week would hang out. And I approached my friend Vivian and was like,
Starting point is 00:21:10 hey, will you help me weld these chair legs? And I'll teach you how to make a mold for that weird silicone thing you're trying to do. She was like, yes. And so it was all very collaborative in that way. Yeah, it was great. So you got out of there. At some point you find yourself employed at a design place.
Starting point is 00:21:26 And they're using you as like, let's pull cast in and get an off the wall take on this. Yeah. Similar to in the other office job. And this was at Rockwell Group, a very high-end, really successful architect. in New York with all kinds of projects. I was working on a playground, and they do hotels and lots of restaurants.
Starting point is 00:21:43 Nice. All kinds of projects all over the world. So that was really fun and tons of people. Inspiring people, I'm sure you were working with? Yes. Yeah, really inspiring. There were like 250 people up until 2008. So it was also kind of how I got to learn how design works as an industry, not as much
Starting point is 00:22:00 industrial design. But like workflow of it, right? From idea to production to installation. And from my studio leader. We're kind of learning how to pitch an idea and tell a story and work with clients and things. So that was all really fun. And the playground that ultimately I got to work on was kind of it. It's in the South Seaport area, kind of down near Battery Park City.
Starting point is 00:22:21 Oh, okay. For that, we wound up inventing the big blue blocks. Yeah. You played with those. I've seen them. I haven't played with them. I'm sure there are places in L.A. that have them. A lot of children's museums have them.
Starting point is 00:22:33 So you know your standard block set, the wooden block set. It's with the triangle and the square and the circle, right? They were just very exaggerated size versions. What we wanted was that the kids could design the playground. Yeah. Because you could move them and stuff. Yeah. And I was kind of like, kids are going to love a playground because, A, it's for them.
Starting point is 00:22:52 Yeah. B, there's other kids there. And mostly they can run and slide and do all things. So we were thinking about why do they all kind of look alike, like these pipe and platform. I think they look like scaffoldings and also sometimes a little bit like jails. And so we were trying to think about. about how it can look different. And then I realized, who cares if it looks different?
Starting point is 00:23:10 What's the play experience of the kid? And also, why are we designing it? What if the kids could design it? And so not just as a process for this one playground, I was like, what if the playground itself is the thing that kids are designing by playing there? Yeah, altering it, moving, it shaping it. Yeah, really inspired by adventure playgrounds,
Starting point is 00:23:26 which are junk playgrounds. Oh, yeah. Big in the UK. Yeah. And so part of what we were trying to balance is this was a neighborhood that we had a certain aesthetic expectations. So giving them a junk playground was not an option. However, we wanted to figure out what's less visually messy
Starting point is 00:23:43 and also kind of easier to maintain version of an adventure playground. So these big blue blocks are like a high-density foam. They feel like a yoga block or something. So theoretically, there's hundreds of them. And every day that the kids show up at the playground, it's a different playground. They do what they need to do. So they have so much more agency in their play. They feel really powerful because they're like,
Starting point is 00:24:04 I made this giant thing that's bigger than me. Those were kind of ideals that also were part of GMO, not the scale. But so I was starting to kind of figure out, oh, here are all of these different ways to instill some of these ideals where there's room in the object for children to invent what it is and imagine what it is. Because increasingly, toys are being licensed characters. There's these beloved characters and you can figure out what Spider-Man is going to do today, but it's still Spider-Man. Right, right, right. And while you're developing your own identity, what if you could be like exploring identity through the toys you're playing with? and not have it already have one based on the story that you were given,
Starting point is 00:24:40 which again, adults wrote. Well, I think this would be a good time to explain. This is in my mind where you're starting to form a more cohesive theory on play in general, which is you start thinking, I'm not designing a toy. I'm trying to design something that will facilitate play. Yeah, it's not really about the toys necessarily. Just as a designer, I think I like to be kind of formally agnostic. If the goal, and this is also kind of named by function, so there's this candle right here.
Starting point is 00:25:09 And I could say, let's design a new candle. I'm like, well, all right, what's the goal of the candle? Is it to light a room? Is it to make it not smell bad? Yeah, yeah. Is it decor so we know that you're really fancy and cool because it's a black candle and it probably smells something like cedar. Right, right, right.
Starting point is 00:25:25 Maybe some musk in there, pinocke. Yeah, wow, yeah. So is it a status symbol? So you can think of like, what's the actual function of that candle right now? And so starting from that, instead of starting with the archetypical way that we do that, which would be candle, right? So if we were to redesign a way to light the room, that might be like, let's put a hole in the ceiling or let's get a bunch of fireflies in here. Yeah. You give a great example.
Starting point is 00:25:50 You'll say to kids that I wrote down that I like, which is if you tell kids build a car, we know what they're going to build versus build a way to get to school, which is really fun. Yeah. Imagine a way to get to school. then you're going to have dragons and unicorns. Holy systems and zip lines. And a river. Yeah. Well, I want to take a lazy river to school.
Starting point is 00:26:11 Oh, my God. If you could get in your inner tube. You know, they do these design communities, and they're mostly kind of vomitist, the concept, maybe just because no one's done one right. But if the entire way you got through this community was a web of interconnecting lazy rivers, and you traveled solely by lazy river, I would buy a home in that design community. Yeah. I understand that.
Starting point is 00:26:33 Everything would change if we wanted to get coffee on the way. Oh, that's so fun. I'm such a boring adult because I'm like, oh, STDs. Wait, from a river? Yeah, it happens. They get transported through these lazy rivers and colleges. I think men tell their wives they got an SDD from the lazy river, but I don't think that's how they got. Can that be?
Starting point is 00:26:57 I love that as you're like, yeah, but STDs. Like at every turn, you'll be like, we're sure. should be going vacation. Well, you know who doesn't have STDs. That's right. That's not me. Galapagos Island. Zero incident rate of STDs. No, but I do think like that very adult-eat. But what about the risk and what about whatever? It's so stupid. Yeah. And maybe it's like the hierarchy of risk. There's a risk every time you leave the house, of course. There's risk if you don't leave the house. Yes. Are you risking physical harm versus mental harm? Right. If you don't leave, you're safe. But are you safe, then you're going to be maybe kind of sad and that's not safe. Exactly. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:31 Okay, so here's where we get to our first little area where I do want to challenge a little bit of it. So what I totally love about your approach and what I think is so consistent with all of us as humans is in the best case scenario, we adopt theories and we adopt work strategies to kind of address the needs that weren't not met for us as kids or issues we have personally. And I think our work ends up reflecting a bit of just who we are. So what you scream and what I like is, I'm not a right angle. And your work is very much like, don't give kids instructions on how to build this Lego set. And I think that's very valid. And what I would want is for there to be that as an option. But also, there are future engineers, there are autistic kids.
Starting point is 00:28:25 There are all these other kids that are like, no, they're fucking right angles. So the only thing I worry about is like when anyone shows up with any, and this goes into parenting strategies, classroom strategies, all of it, I fear, attempts to unify us and we're unifiable. And we're so different. So then the challenge to me becomes in a classroom on a playground. So Monica loves following directions. And she loves, she said, how do I win this thing, right? That was like a joke and it wasn't a joke. And that's what satiates her and that's what really makes her feel safe. And then I'm more like you. I'm like, that boring way. Someone else already did it that way, so I don't want to do it that way. So do you have an appreciation for the other versions or just a complete distaste for them all? No, absolutely. And thank you. That's kind of the point that I get into in the book is that there's a misconception that free play means no rules at all. Part of what happens when we are encouraged or allowed to free play as children means that we are in touch with, what do I need right now? What do I want to do right now? And then we're skilled in going to find it. And one of the things that I do this a
Starting point is 00:29:28 as a design professor is help people find their own constraints. I love constraints. Again, the idea with open-endedness is like, no constraints. It's like, well, you start with no constraints and then you find your own based on what you need. Or if anything's an option, then everything's an option, which is totally overwhelming and absolutely paralyzing, right? So the thing about unstructured play for kids and open-ended play for kids is they learn how to find and make their own structure.
Starting point is 00:29:53 And also, with Rigamajig, I talk about it as being open-ended and unstructured, but it's not really, the wood, the materials, nuts and bolts, those are constraints. Yes. Right. Those create structure. You don't need instructions. I mean, they could be the constraints, but with the case of rigamajig or GMO, the materiality of it as an object has constraints and structure built in. And especially when there's a system, rigamajig is a building system.
Starting point is 00:30:16 So in figuring out what the system is, you kind of start building something. And then before you know it, you have the beginning of a card or a monster or like a whirligig. Riggumajig, can you see that in your mind? Have you ever seen Rigamajig? No, should we open it? Well, no, it's huge. Oh, no, you have a small one. Oh, I have a small one.
Starting point is 00:30:33 Oh, I have a small one. That's Rigamajig Jr. But you can tell from this hieroglyphic on the side. So unlike conventional erector sets or these other things, there is no obvious thing that these should be assembled. It's not a puzzle. It seems like a very random grouping of shapes and sizes, but there's infinite ways to assemble these. This is what's in the high line in New York. yard. Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare. This message is brought to you by Apple Pay.
Starting point is 00:31:07 Dax, can you believe it's already fall? This year's flown by. I know, right? But fall is my jam. Remember that farmer's market we hit up last weekend? Yes, all those vendors with their yummy apple ciders and the big pumpkins. I love big pumpkins. Artisanal apple cider, don't forget. And the smell of fresh baked goods heaven. But here's what blew my mind. So many vendors accepted Apple Pay. It was so convenient. I love Apple Pay.
Starting point is 00:31:34 Everywhere I saw the contactless symbol, I just double-click the side button on my phone to bring up my card and then just a quick little face ID scan. Tap. Boom. So easy. Apple Pay has been my MVP this season to buy festive fall treats and drinks. And you know I'm on a mission to find the best fall-themed latte in town. You know this. I do know that.
Starting point is 00:31:53 How's it going? That Maple One you were telling me about sounded pretty insane. It was so good. And get this, you can also use Apple Pay at lots of cafes, no fumbling for your wallet, just double-click, tap, and sip. It works at millions of places anywhere you see the contactless symbol in stores or see the Apple Pay button online and in apps. Exactly, making it easier to enjoy all the fall goodness. Speaking of which, I'm totally set for Halloween. Apple Pay made it a breeze to purchase the perfect decorations online right from my iPhone.
Starting point is 00:32:23 I just tap the Apple Pay button at checkout, double-click to author. authenticate, and boom, payment complete. No long checkout forms, no fuss. Fall festivities have never been more fun or easy. Pay the Apple Way. Terms apply. We are supported by Airbnb. If you're looking to squeeze in a trip before the summer's over, we've got an idea. Oh, Canada.
Starting point is 00:32:47 Canada is gorgeous in the summertime. Oh, one of my greatest summers was up at Lake Muscoca. Discover Canadian Hidden Gems with Airbnb. Stay tuned for some travel ideas, eh? When we initially launched it, it was a big pop-up playground. This was such nerdery, and it made the project so much harder in a way that I'm like, well, that probably wasn't necessary. But we used beams. We recycled industrial pieces from some of the industry that was near the highline in order to make these toys.
Starting point is 00:33:23 So they had, I call them industrial scars, like you could see. the remnants of where a bolt was. Oh, cool. Yeah. Which, again, is like the imagination. Industrial artifacts. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:33 Yeah. That's very cool. Those are very successful during classrooms and stuff. And then we rigumajig Jr. is kind of the home version of that. And the thing, again, similar to with the big blue blocks, it's too big for one child to use alone. So they need each other in a way.
Starting point is 00:33:48 Oh, I like that. It becomes social. When we learn to need each other in play, it's a positive association with help and with collaboration. cooperation. And sharing, credit learning to share. We made this as opposed to all I made this. Yeah, there's two pullies. So if you're not using that pulley, can I use the pulley? I got to go ask. We got to share resources. Yeah. Okay, I want to get into the book, but I just wanted to tell you, a personal antidote you didn't ask for. So I work on cars a lot, and I also build a lot of things with
Starting point is 00:34:16 wood. And for sure, my favorite part of any project is I get to a point where I do not have the part I need. And I start going like, what do I have in my garage? And I start going through drawers. And I'm like, oh, if I put that bolt through there. That to me is the euphoria of building. So I'm doing two things, right? It's like one is a carburetor has to go together in a certain way. And a gasket goes there.
Starting point is 00:34:41 But could a cracker jacks box be a gasket? The gasket's just cardboard. And that's when I just love it to no end is when I have to improvise and solve it. Even within the framework of the thing has to be structurally sound. So I just very much relate to your. agenda. My experience of that moment exactly is easy as boring. I could just go and get that gasket, but I'm drawn to compelled by and intuitively I want to make this other thing work. Yeah. I want to see how many rubber bands I can wrap around it instead of go and get the
Starting point is 00:35:14 right gasket for this. Well, there's like a steam building and that for me, which is like, oh, A, I can't be stopped, even if I don't have the right thing. And flow, right? When you're in the flow of something to leave to go get that part, takes you out of the flow of that you're in it and you've lost track of time. That's also part of what play is. When you lose track of time, you're so immersed in the thing. You're doing it because you love it. It's pleasurable. Okay, so your book is playful. How play shifts are thinking, inspires connection, and sparks creativity. So when this came through, we get an email of the different experts that are potentially guests. And the thing we say most on here is playful. We're very attractive.
Starting point is 00:35:53 to play for people. Oh, nice. I say it all time, like, I'm here on this planet to play. I'll have to do some stuff I don't want to, but my primary mission is to play. Amazing. So you define right out of the gates 12 types of play. And we don't have to go through all 12, but I'm wondering if you could tell us about a few of them. And then I will tell you the ones I like so much. Yeah. The ones I define early in the book are play types that I've used and I think are not universally. There's different versions of them, but that are used to understand and observe children's play. But they aren't called children's play types,
Starting point is 00:36:27 they're just kind of play types because play most often is associated with children and the people who work with play are usually working with children. And so I had been using these play types so things like rough and tumble play, locomotor play, creative play, which is kind of building things,
Starting point is 00:36:43 pretend play, which is kind of performing or going into other worlds. We like communication play. And yeah, obviously you all take part of it. In children's play types, that was probably like social play. Right. And one that's listed that I was grateful for is deep play. Deep play is one that I think really challenges the definition and the idea of play for a lot of people.
Starting point is 00:37:03 Right. Because play doesn't always look like big gestures of joy and celebration. Because in order to play, we kind of have to trust either our environment, ourselves, or the world around us and the people we're with. We become really vulnerable. And so children, if they're in deep play, are touching on things that are something they have to work out. Maybe it's something difficult in their household that's going on and they're trying to through play, understand it or maybe even heal from it. Or even we walk around with all this fear. So it's like, I might climb that rock. I'm afraid of that rock. I'm afraid of falling. I'm going to somehow play my way into interacting with
Starting point is 00:37:46 this fear. Yeah. And how can you understand or get through your fears if you don't confront them? And it's safest and fun and enjoyable to confront them in play. Yeah. And play in general, we could just broadly agree with it. It's something that has zero purpose. You're in one of the episodes of Abstract on Netflix. You referenced crows finding the lid of a yogurt container and then putting it on top of a snowy roof and then sliding down, snowboarding down, then flying back up. And it's like, yeah, crows play.
Starting point is 00:38:17 There's no good point to that. Crows can fly. Yeah, exactly. Like what? So that's just a novel experience for me. them. There's been so much science around this. Often, unfortunately, that used rats. Some of this science makes me a little bit sad when I think about half of the rats were kind of tortured by being denied anything to play with or having to be alone. While in the other cages, rats had
Starting point is 00:38:40 an enriched environment, which was things to play with. They had each other. They had friends. They're fulfilled. The rats that are alone and don't have toys. They love drugs. They love drugs. Can't keep them away. They probably neither. They don't have a drive to survive. They don't solve problems. Well, eventually they stop caring. They just don't eat.
Starting point is 00:39:00 They don't want to solve the puzzle in order to get the cracker because they don't care. They have no drive to thrive. There was a lot of rat studies around this, which makes out. And then there have been studies that used college students instead of rats. Right. Basically the same thing. So it was a little bit less extreme and not studying the neocortex development in these cases, thankfully. But similarly, college students, there was one study by Alice Eisen who put,
Starting point is 00:39:23 students in a room for five minutes with nothing, you're just going to sit in the desk for five minutes. And then in the meantime, another group of students had music and another group of students had music and puzzles. And so those three groups went in and they all did the exact same test in the same way. And the group with nothing did 15% less well than the group that had music. Group with music, universally did 15% more problem solving. And then the group that had music and toys did like 40% better than all of the groups. These numbers are going to be absolutely wrong. They're something close.
Starting point is 00:39:57 And it's in the book. And once I write it down, I'm like, good, now it's there. I can forget it forever. But this is just to say universally, just playing with a toy before you go in to solve a problem made you a better problem solver. Yeah, interesting. So there's just time and time again, we learn ways that play not just helps us have the will to live, but it helps us be more resilient and healthier.
Starting point is 00:40:18 and there's all these other physical benefits to even doing play that wasn't necessarily physically engaged. Not to make it so adult, but I guess that's also sexual role play. There is a lot of figuring out your fears with a safe partner. Right. And that's a really good example of
Starting point is 00:40:35 that's a learned taboo. So I start with talking about the children's play types. And then I realized while writing the book that they didn't apply to adults. What's risky for a child isn't risky for an adult. And adults developmentally, we just need something so much different from play. For that, as an example, we learn to feel bad about our bodies or feel like we can't be looked at or this is bad and that's good. So with sexual things, especially, we can play through something we need extra because it's been so ingrained in us what it's supposed to be or what it's not supposed to be.
Starting point is 00:41:11 In the adult play types, there's kind of misbehavior play. Oh, interesting. Or behavior play in general. Yes. Which you could say all adult play is misbehavior, to some extent, because we're kind of not supposed to play. It's like intrinsically rejecting adulthood to play. Exactly, which is in itself kind of misbehavior. But with sex, which is, I think, one of the primary places that adults play, we need the trust of ourselves and each other and releasing judgment in order to kind of then get back in touch with who we might be before we were taught that it's weird and gross and shameful. And forget about it if there's religion involved. Right.
Starting point is 00:41:47 Also, you don't make a meal of this, but I was just thinking about the correlation between when we transition out of children who are expected to play to adults who have responsibilities and perfectionism and all these other obstacles that prevent play, it also is right at the arrival of drinking, drugs, you know, these other offerings that resemble play initially. And I think they become the replacement for play. I think it's a big part of why that thing is so needed for us. It's a break from the adulthood. Yeah, you're making decisions you wouldn't normally make. You're hooking up with folks. You probably, you know, there's a lot happening. And I just think, while you do wonder if everyone just stayed playing,
Starting point is 00:42:34 when someone's newly getting sober, I'm trying to put a positive spin on it, I'll say the only thing I can tell you that was the reward of it is I did return to 12 years old where I was excited just to walk outside, leave my house, and go fuck around in this world. Because I had really just turned that all over to show up with a six-pack. That does the rest. Right. In the book, I tried to talk about how can we, because Booze is also a huge part of adult split. Not just that it lubricates play for us, but I looked at and we studied and we tried to figure out.
Starting point is 00:43:05 This is my co-writer and I, Lydia Dinworth. She's been on your show. She wrote Friendship. Yes. And she's a science writer. So she's really good at researching and finding and taking scientific studies and, you know, relating them. She and I talked a lot about how do we acknowledge this is an important part of how adults play. And also, how can we take the advantages or what is it about being intoxicated that lets us access play?
Starting point is 00:43:29 And how can we get there without it? Yeah. I'm actually in favor of it as one of the options of play. But I think it very easily becomes the primary option of play and the singular option of play. Play itself. Use that to then you see like conversational play, social play. But what my hope is, and part of what I kind of the story I tell in the book, is that we didn't forget how to play. We all still know how to play. We have just learned to not play. And that's from coming up in school. Growing up means growing out of playing, right? So if you think about in school, we're told like,
Starting point is 00:44:01 hold still, act serious. Pay attention. Yeah. And then when you're an adult, I talk about a play voice and an adult voice. and your play voice is like, go do that thing, be silly, dance because you love this song. And your adult voice is like protecting you, right? It's like, no, you'll look silly, social rejection. In teenagers especially, when we're really attached to and learn that we need to be socially accepted to some extent. And the way that that happens is just so intense. Plague becomes really shameful for a lot of people. So we have to unlearn all of that in order to get back there.
Starting point is 00:44:36 And I think that what alcohol often does is, gets us there. It's like a shortcut to cutting inhibitions. And so there's exercises in the book. Let's just get there without it. I'd love to go through some of them as they're kind of laid out in the book if you're open for that. So what are the conditions for play? Well, for free play, I am a proponent of free play. And here's just to be clear, I think adults do play a lot. Sports, pickleball. I think conversationalally we play when people are writing. If you're a writer, language or poetry, I think is a really great example. Debate for some people is play. For other people, it's miserable, but for some people, it's how they play.
Starting point is 00:45:12 Yeah. Right now, attention play is really interesting and important for adults because our attention is often kind of by default in our phones or given to other things in a way that we're not as good at hanging out in the moment that you might usually pick up your phone. What is boredom anymore? Yeah. Play is so often the antidote to boredom,
Starting point is 00:45:31 but if we don't force ourselves to be bored for minimally five minutes, then we have no reason to require. fireplay. And our go-to in order to avoid boredom is to scroll. Yeah. And that's just a bottomless pit of, are you ever going to find what you're looking for there? Oh, Cass, I had such a wake-up call this weekend. I had decided on Friday morning, because I don't have to post. I don't have anything for the show. I'm not going to open Instagram until I have to on Monday. And I was, like, shamefully embarrassed with how often, I'm not even thinking about it. It's like, I sit on the toilet. It's like my thumb already knows how to go to that.
Starting point is 00:46:07 page and click it. And I was like, I'd be halfway through the steps before I go like, oh, we're not looking at that. It was like a full day before I broke just the habitual physicality of it. And then by Sunday, I returned to writing in my memoir. I like had a great day of creativity. And I felt way, way better. Yeah. I felt so good not knowing what everyone's fighting about. Yeah. And imagine if you had the muscle memory of play instead of phone. I think of my phone as potentially a toy, but I'm like, am I using it as a toy or a tool, right? I like to use it as a tool. And when it becomes a toy, that's when I'm like, what's in the world around me that I could be playing with instead? For example, my dog. Yeah, yeah. He's really good at knocking it out
Starting point is 00:46:52 of my phone. I'm knocking out of my hand. Attention play is really for adults right now. And so look around, daydream, watch the birds. Look at this thing and imagine how it was made. I love the subway. Subway is my primary form of transport. I don't go on my phone on the subway. Increasingly, I am the only one. Yeah, sure. I'm imagining where are they coming from and going to, or how was that thing made, or what was that person thinking with those shoes?
Starting point is 00:47:19 And I'll do a deep dive and try to figure out what's going on. Yeah, you'll have to create a little story that makes them make sense to you visually, which is very fun. In the bigger picture, if I were to name by function, that attention play for me in the subway, it's about reconnecting and feeling connected to the people around me, which for me, is absolutely essential for my feeling okay. If I were to go and scroll instead, I would be confronted by stories about that it is all the worst and everything is terrible, which things are not great. I think we can all agree. So I can go in there and lose all faith in humanity.
Starting point is 00:47:55 Or I could just look up and be like, here are some people that are having the best days of their lives and the worst days of it. I cry on the subway. I love crying on the subway because actually I think Subway is maybe the only safe place to cry because eventually someone will make eye contact like we see each other. I'm reminded that I'm not alone in it. Everyone's there and they're stuck there. It's also very good to right size
Starting point is 00:48:20 your self-obsession in ego-maniacal nature. I do remember we traveled everywhere by car when I was a kid. My mom, God bless her. She showed us the country on like 200 bucks. And I'd be sitting in the back of the car and I'd just be watching all the windows that go by as you're driving through Cincinnati.
Starting point is 00:48:36 And as a kid, I would just get obsessed with like, well, every one of those windows has someone inside and every one of those people inside has some dream. And there's so many of us. There's something scary about it. And then there's also something that just right sizes your own importance. She's like, oh, yeah, look at all these windows. These are all these people have dreams just like you or they all have these things just like you.
Starting point is 00:48:59 I do think there's something helpful about that. Yeah. How do adults stay playful? Okay. So for adults, in particular with free play, embracing possibility, which means be open to what you might find at any point. For example, not looking at your phone. Look around and be curious. Releasing judgment. Walk us through that one in detail. Releasing judgment. So we are our own worst critics. We came up through school and we were extrinsically motivated. Someone told us what to do. They told us how to be good at them. And they told us we needed to be good at them. So our self-value got attached to success. So of course, as adults, we're going to be still obsessed with being really productive, which probably means, like, efficient, you don't waste time, no dilly-dallying. Look at all these efficiency gurus that exist. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:49:45 People, like, worship these people. What are we prioritizing? Like, to what end? And even, like, is a problem solving? I'm like, but is that a problem? These problems are solving. First of all, today's solution is tomorrow's problem. Plastic, cars, everything that we thought was going to be.
Starting point is 00:49:59 We're solving problems that maybe aren't problems. And we don't know. I try to keep an awareness of what we don't. No, but we then have these systems that we're a little bit stuck with. So being playful and approaching things as play will make us more able to kind of shift and be agile when they aren't what we expect or when they don't work out the way that we want. Because we didn't create a singular definition of what succeeding would be. Or it has to be this outcome or it's failures.
Starting point is 00:50:24 But I could hear some people listening who have these jobs and they have to turn in their thing to their boss on time because if not they'll get fired. And you're like, I can't dilly-dally. There's no room for that in this life. What is the response to that? Fuck you. No, because even I get it, we have a show we have to put out at a certain time. And actually, I think those are the people who often need play the most.
Starting point is 00:50:50 Because play is not the antithesis. It can be a mindset. So you can be doing your job playfully. And, A, lead to different outcomes if that's desired, right? Innovation comes from play. Yeah, talk about JPL. That's interesting. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:51:04 So Caltech's Jet Propulsion Laboratory, they at some point were realizing that their engineers that they were hiring were not great problem solvers. And they interviewed them and kind of realized that a lot of them had not been tinkerers. They hadn't played with stuff.
Starting point is 00:51:18 Model airplanes or rockets or even just like take apart the lawnmower and then try to put it back together or maybe not or turn it into something else. So they weren't tinkers. They hadn't used their hands specifically. So they started in their interview process. starting to filter out based on, did you tinker?
Starting point is 00:51:36 But really what that meant was, are you a playful person? Not only did you play as a child, but do you play now? And it's made a huge difference in the success of how innovative they are, how good they are, problem solving. So there are ways that if somebody is really like, there's no room for this. They make spreadsheets or an accountant. I kind of think spreadsheets can be playful. Oh, wow, you love to hear this.
Starting point is 00:51:58 I had a friend who I worked with for a long time and she would make really sexy. spreadsheets. So we started calling them sex sell spreadsheets because they were like so beautiful. And you were like, yes. Oh my God. It feels so good. So she loved making that was kind of her play. You just also need an environment where that's okay. Right. And
Starting point is 00:52:16 there can be ways that the work life doesn't change at all. But outside of it, she can kind of let herself play. A lot of it is like give yourself permission to play. Totally. And realize that play might look like when you're taking a hike, if it's hot or your friend is slow and
Starting point is 00:52:32 kind of annoying you. Don't get so hung up on. We're doing this hike. We have to get to the top. I'm so annoyed. Oh my God. We only have an hour and I really want to do this. I really want that selfie from the top.
Starting point is 00:52:41 Right. So maybe if you were to release judgment and say, we're out here. And also the third element is reframing success. Is success getting to the top or is success that we're hanging out together? So maybe we can just take our time or hang out on that one cliff and throw pebbles at the people coming up the hill, you know? Shift the goal. Yeah. Shift the goal.
Starting point is 00:53:02 Maybe it's starting with like, we can't fail at this. We got together and we're here. Failure isn't really even a possibility. This is already a big success. We are being social. It's essential for our health. It's so natural for adults to be hung up on success because 12 years of really intense time and then also college, if you did that, we're told what success looks like.
Starting point is 00:53:23 And our self-worth and our value and our own understanding of our intelligence and competence is wrapped up in a success that someone else defined for us. kids early on at the playground, that social hierarchy is really different because it's going to be the kids who are good at play. They are the coolest ones. Yeah, but you jumps off the top of the monkey bears, you're like, what the fuck? Exactly. That person is a champion. Or the kid who can paint a weird blotch on the corner with the chalk figured out that if you add water to chalk, it's like rainbow paste. That is the hero. It changes so fast, I feel like into the bully becomes the stat.
Starting point is 00:54:01 like the person who figures out they can be the loudest and meanest. Which is such an interesting segue to where we are right now because I think we're seeing play get shut down by a bully. Comedy and satire is play. And we have a bully who is shutting down play. And that, first of all, shows the power of play, that play is so threatening that a bully who has the power to do so is going to shut it down.
Starting point is 00:54:26 And it's also a way to kind of remind us that play isn't a thing we'd do to then be able to be resilient. Yes, play makes us resilient, but play actually is the resistance. By playing, we are continuing to push back on anything that tells us that we need to not be human. Continuing to play is, in fact, also resistance. Well, this is where you get into man's search for meeting Victor's book. Esther Perel saying eroticism was the quintessential ingredient that allowed these Holocaust
Starting point is 00:54:57 survivors to have lives after it. There's a lot of well-documented social science about it's not frivolous, it's not extraneous, it's actually what will allow you to carry on or not, or to be subjugated or not, or be defeated or not, or to be oppressed or not. These are really core antidotes to those things. Yeah. I think marginalized communities know this well. It was interesting writing the book, people will say, well, why are you so good at play?
Starting point is 00:55:23 You know, I'm kind of like, deep dive into like, why am I going to play? Well, as a child, you mentioned Lachki Kid or just not having a dog. around. So play was all I did, but also I had a tricky childhood. I didn't know it at the time, but that was how I got through. I'm really grateful that I had a really strong drive to play because I think I would be a really different person if I hadn't played the whole time while all of these tricky things were happening in my childhood. And I see in my adulthood times that are hard. And I think also in protest and as a queer person, we play. Quirs are very good at playing Because we have to.
Starting point is 00:55:59 You'll never go to a better Halloween party than it was Hollywood. They throw the best one on the planet. How we resist. I two nights ago was at an unprofessional variety show with chaotic drag performers and comedians and all of us laughing and crying every once in a while because also it was grounded and we're all terrified. It was, I think, reminding us all who we are and that we're going to be okay. Yeah. Yeah, I have a personal explanation for it. So I have a best friend I've had since I was 11.
Starting point is 00:56:24 We both had dicey childhoods. His was off the charts, Dicey. And it occurred to me, when he and I have fun, we can have fun in a way that's so elevated. Aaron and I can get to a buffet bar and we can be like we just found a chest of gold. And my explanation of it is particularly when things are grueling and tough. When these rays of sunshine pote through, they're so powerful relative to the other thing that we learn to just dance in it, fucking grab onto it as hard as we can and just squeeze it for every drop that'll come out of it. We just have a commitment for a way, like, when it's good, man, let's go.
Starting point is 00:57:04 And I think that's part of the recipe. Recognizing it. Yeah. And if it's essential, you'll do it. That's my explanation being playful. It was kind of essential. And then I think the pitch would be for someone who doesn't necessarily need relief to still encourage them to be extremely playful, even if they're not necessarily in deep need of relief. Like, it sounds to me, like, given your childhood, you needed some relief.
Starting point is 00:57:29 And the play was the relief. Yeah, and I think I needed big gesture. I needed to be moving around in my body outside of buildings, exploring, connecting, not knowing what I was around. To balance out that school, the actual physical structure that I spent eight hours a day in was really just killing me. Soul killing. Still to this day, when it's a beautiful day out of me, watch kids file into a school, I'm just like, And I have kids in my life now, so I'm sometimes the adult who's dropping them off and watching them go inside. And I'm like trying to feel like this is right, but I'm like, this is wrong.
Starting point is 00:58:04 Like, what are we doing? They might like it. Yes, for some people. Absolutely. In part because that's where their friends are. Exactly. That's the most social place. I loved school. Also, again, some people are built for that. That's what they desire. They want the list of things they can accomplish. And that's lovely. It's a matter of scale. It works for everybody in like what you brought up. Some people want instructions. And not everybody wants big loudness. Some kids want to be in a fort. Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare. The playgrounds that I design and the way that also I think about my own adult summer camp,
Starting point is 00:58:46 which I have. You have an adult summer camp? We're playtesting it with friends and a few groups. We've had a few a year for a while. while, we're getting there. My play last weekend was to dig up the cesspool that had fallen in, and I don't mean a septic tank. It was a cesspool. So we're like getting there. Let's just say, I am aware of what kind of accommodations adults need in order to create the conditions for free play arise. One of the stories I tell in my book is about my friend Colleen and I, who I think maybe is more like you in her play. And she's also very engineer-minded, but we were doing a Lego set together. and I was just grabbing pieces and making stuff.
Starting point is 00:59:23 We're chatting, catching up, and at some point, I realize I can feel her getting more and more annoyed with me. Then there's this kind of deep sigh and I was like, okay, what? What's going on? And she was like, you're taking the pieces I need. And I was like, oh, wait, are you following the instructions? Right. And she was like, yes, dude, this is what we're doing. And I was like, huh, are you having fun?
Starting point is 00:59:45 Yeah. Yes, I'm having fun. But it was just like, what? Cass were painfully similar. One of our huge debates is we were interviewing this person who is taking on woodworking and they were telling us that they were watching these YouTube tutorials. And I said, why are you doing that? You have a saw.
Starting point is 01:00:02 You have the wood. What reward would there be in having someone tell you how to do it? And Monica was like, what's wrong with you? Of course that's what he wants to do. He wants to get good at woodworking. Yeah, like, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like, how's he going to get good if he doesn't learn? Also, by the way, he had another person who chopped his hand off doing that.
Starting point is 01:00:17 So like, you know, I don't think a YouTube tutorial. would have saved his name. I do. And this is the beauty of being a really curious human. You're like, oh, fascinating. Wonderful. Now I understand a little bit more about how you work and we're friends. So this is great.
Starting point is 01:00:30 We took a time out and I was like, okay, here, I'll put my pieces back. And we did it together. We followed the instructions. And I was like, okay, that was the thing that we did together. Totally different than my play. Resetting your expectations. Redefining success. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:44 And I got to learn what her play was. This is how we understand each other, right? we learn about each other through play. You to know each other because you're both conversationally so playful. Do you know what Monica likes? Airplay.
Starting point is 01:00:56 Oh, it's my favorite kind of play. Yeah. Receiving. Yeah, of course. I was going to say, like, I don't know if you get to, like, necessarily. It's so nice. No, but I'm with you.
Starting point is 01:01:09 I feel like Legos I don't like because I actually am not very good at following those instructions. Oh, yeah. And then I'm like, I can't do this, as opposed to just being like, well, I can just make something random, and that's fine. I'm just like, oh, I can't achieve the thing that this is meant to achieve. But you can click those blocks together.
Starting point is 01:01:29 Yeah. And it's so funny, because then you have a toy that's telling you that you're wrong, right? And you're like, wait, I am a competent human. And this thing that's meant to make me feel good and enjoy myself is making me feel bad. When you do do it correctly, it's a pretty big high. It's a pretty big accomplishment. You know, what's fun, though, is if you could think of play as being this safe area to experiment and challenge the broader issues that we all have. You're such a great achiever and straight A's and all that.
Starting point is 01:02:02 But if you had a zone that you could safely dabble in, fucking up failing. You know, like it might be therapeutic or cathartic. And probably I should follow a YouTube tutorial on how to make a desk. Like, that would be my growth. You know, like, that's how I could grow. Yeah, do the thing that's hard and stay unattached to the outcome. Definitely. I just wanted to say one thing that's a personal pet peeve.
Starting point is 01:02:27 So back to the play at work, you're the accountant and how do you actually play? So this is my grievance with the culture generally in the workplace, which is I used to prep cars for a living. For 14 years, I washed cars. Thank God I worked for my mom and she valued play. But I had coworkers who were annoyed because I'm laughing nonstop. I'm doing it. much to punch your uncle in the note, you know, like playing these dumb games. But, y'all, I'm washing cars faster than anybody. And what annoys me is there is some assumption in the workplace
Starting point is 01:02:57 that having fun and playing while you are productive is not the right vibe. And that drives me bonkers. And I think a lot of managers are just threatened by the notion that you could be playing and having fun, that they're losing complete control as opposed to like, well, what is the output of this happy, playful person? Exactly. But it's also that we underval, the benefit, that whole workplace was better off because of you. So say that you actually, we're going to shift it slightly, say that you've washed one-tenth fewer cars every day. And we valued efficiency and productivity over joy and cohesion of team.
Starting point is 01:03:34 And probably the clients would like to come there because you all don't look miserable, doing a service. Turnover. That's a cost. If we understand that playfulness and social skills are in fact a value that could be prioritized and compensated for, right? Because I mean, we see this also in all kinds of offices where the jobs that are like, oh, you just make everybody feel good. But I actually crunch the numbers. And it's like, so why do you get paid more than I do? Because we're both critical to
Starting point is 01:04:02 this working. So there's an undervalue of kind of social, forget about it. If it's somebody who deals with emotions, then we're really, yeah, yes, give them minimum wage. Right. Or teachers. Oh, my God. So, but there's an undervaluing of those as skills that people, are often built for and also that they learn and it's a muscle that we exercise as well. So I think in that case, like it's a really great example of that the playfulness made everything better. It just wasn't a priority. So for people reading the book or people saying that I want to be more playful, just prioritizing play and letting yourself play. And then of course, if you're so far removed from it, you may need to do some work to find your play. What is your play?
Starting point is 01:04:41 Well, Cass, I'm so delighted you wrote such a thoughtful and well research book on being playful. And to remind everyone, it's called Playful, how play shifts are thinking, inspires connection, and sparks creativity. I hope everyone checks it out. Sincerely, I hope people could more increasingly prioritize it. It feels frivolous, and I just don't think it's frivolous. No, it's not right now.
Starting point is 01:05:04 Everything's so serious. We need some of this back in our brains. I promise you, not a single human being will be on their deathbed, and they'll go like, fuck, I shouldn't have played so much while I was here. That sentence will never come out of a dime. person's mouth. No. I think I work too much.
Starting point is 01:05:19 Pretty likely that might come out. Yeah. Or I didn't prioritize my family, which is often three-lay. Yeah. For my people, generally. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:27 Yeah. Yeah. Well, Cass, thank you so much. Yeah. Thank you. This was delightful. I love him. Yes.
Starting point is 01:05:34 Here's a him? It's very bad. Right now. Just right this very second. I don't know about later. Yeah. Thank you. All right.
Starting point is 01:05:43 Be well. Hi there, this is Hermium Permian. If you like that, you're going to love the fact check with Ms. Monica. Doesn't that sound good? It does sound like Foley. Did you hear any of that? Yeah. But it was real.
Starting point is 01:06:04 Oh, my God. I feel very elegant right now. I mean really elegant. I have poured myself a glass of sparkling mineral water maybe. Uh-huh. Artisan water? Yeah. Artesian.
Starting point is 01:06:20 Yeah, why do you have that fancy water? Because Ethan Splea, Mo and my favorite people on the planet. Yeah. He's a connoisseur of water. If you'll recall, he's the one who figured out I didn't have IBS, that I was just allergic to Pellegrino. Pellegrino. And he didn't even figure it out. He just told me he shits his pants when he drinks.
Starting point is 01:06:40 Yeah. I was like, oh, my God, that's what's been happening. I don't have IBS. Yeah, it was a big reveal. So I guess he's a water connoisseur. And he texts me the other night. And it was like the way he's just, he's like, you must try this water. Oh.
Starting point is 01:06:55 And he was so like descriptive about it. What did he say? Do you want me to read it? I'll read it to you. Classic suplee. I love people who are super into stuff. It makes, it just makes it for so much more fun. It does.
Starting point is 01:07:11 Yeah, he said, very fine discovery with a photograph of the water. I said, it's exceptional. He said, it sits in the glass appearing for all intents and purposes to be a still. And yet when it hits your tongue, the effervescence is quite magical, quite delightful. I would definitely go so far as to say, exceptional. Wow. So based on that, I ordered a case. Wow.
Starting point is 01:07:37 Yeah. And it came that fast? Yeah, I guess that was maybe Sunday he sent me that. God knows where he was at, where he. Well, what's the brand? Well, I don't want to, like, just be promoting a brand of water. Well, it's too late. Well, no, now it's just, okay, yeah, it's called Tahoe.
Starting point is 01:07:55 Okay, great. Yeah, well, I don't like you. I don't want anyone to think that this is like some kind of in episode ad. Well, it's not. It's not, yeah, but it's, you know. We talk about things he like. It's okay. Okay.
Starting point is 01:08:07 Is he right? Is it exceptional? You want to take a step? Yeah, I think it's actually quite exceptional. It has, like, the nicest balance of, like, like the mineral and the sparkle taste, but also very flat taste. Whoa. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 01:08:20 Right? I'm gonna take one more soup. Yeah, like I would, I think they nailed it with the label because there's something about it that makes me just think silver. It's really nice. Yeah. That's right. You guys want to read the coupon code?
Starting point is 01:08:30 Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That is tasty. It feels like the bubbles are teeny tiny. Miniscule bubbles. Yeah. How do they do it? I don't know. That's why it's car artizional.
Starting point is 01:08:41 Yeah. Have you ever been to like a fancy restaurant where there's a water menu? you? Yeah, it's triggering. That's why I'm, like, conflicted by this whole thing. But because it came from Ethan, who's so not snobby, I'm in. And also, he's an ex-addict as well. So it's like, we can't get super into wine. So here, what we got? We got water. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it. You got to geek out about something like that. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. So you, what started off is a very nice gesture. You, well, I don't know how this happened, but what happened between you and Delta and the bear shit tea.
Starting point is 01:09:13 Okay. We were outside yesterday, chit-chatting. Uh-huh. Catching up. Catching up. And we got on the subject of, gosh, she must have been talking about some sort of stuffy or something. Of course. Of course.
Starting point is 01:09:29 Maybe Groot. Maybe I asked her a group was or something. I didn't. I haven't checked in a minute on Groot, actually. But I don't remember. But then T.T. your sister said something about Beanie Babies and we got on the subject of Beanie Baby. Oh, I know exactly how we go.
Starting point is 01:09:45 Bingo. Someone brought up Pez. We're going way far back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone brought up Pez. I don't remember yet how we got to Pez. But Pez came up and I said, you know, speaking of, speaking of being very into things, I said, I'm, I never got into Pez. And I'm kind of surprised because it seems like something I would ride up my alley.
Starting point is 01:10:08 It's more of this, yeah, shocking thing. Yeah, it's collectible. Colorful. Yeah, candies. Limited edition, candy. Limited edition. But actually the candy is the part that I didn't like that candy. Well, I don't want to get sued, but yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:24 They can't sue me for my opinion. I personally don't like that candy. But I think Pez did great. Pez is they're all right. Whether or not I liked the candy. Yeah. I think they did great. But I do think you're right in that the appeal of it was way more the delivery device than the candy itself.
Starting point is 01:10:41 Yeah. But I don't think I realized that at the time, which is a big mistake on my part. I thought it was about the candy, which I wasn't into, instead of realizing it's a, it's a collectible. And it's about the experience of administering the candy. And like the people on top and stuff. Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare. Anyway, so a big regret of mine that I never got into Pez. So we were talking about that.
Starting point is 01:11:17 And so then we were talking about collectibles. And then T.T. brought up Beanie babies. Because someone sent me a Pez dispenser for nicotine pouches. That's how this all started. Right. That's right. An arm cherry did. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:11:29 Some two cute kids started. That's exactly how this started. Yep. And she, yeah, so then she started talking about Beanie Babies. And then I naturally brought up LaBere tea. And I said he's in, he's, in the garage, and she said, can I see him? I said, of course.
Starting point is 01:11:45 So we walked on over. And as soon as I, you know, put him in her little hands. He came alive. Yeah. She was like, oh, he's so cute. And to remind people in the audience, he's covered in shit. It's like someone had put a shit cannon and spattered it all over his face. So the fact that she looked at it and, oh, he's so cute is so Delta, you know.
Starting point is 01:12:05 It is. I know. She's see right past the shit on someone's face. I know. And she, um, she asked if she could take, she called it something. Vacation. Something like that. She asked if she could take him for a day for something.
Starting point is 01:12:21 And I said, of course. And I see, you can take him anytime you want. You know, he's in your, he's by your house. Like you can take him. Um, and so she, she took him on an adventure. And then she ran back out. She said, Monica, what's his name again? I said, Liberty.
Starting point is 01:12:36 It's Liberty, but with bear in the center. And she loved that. Yeah. So then you leave, da-da, busy day. Again, wife's out of town. She's got her first volleyball game. Yeah. Which is hysterical. She had her first practice of her life on Monday and then her first game was on Wednesday. So we practiced in the yard. And then we ordered food. Now it's crunch time. We're cutting it close. And then for some weird reason, the place we always order pizza from, which is so fast is like taking forever and ever and ever. I'm like, I call the place I say, hey to you, because I'm friendly over there. No, it's in the oven,
Starting point is 01:13:15 okay, blah, blah. And so it arrives. I mean, there's a side thing where I got into it with Lincoln in what will be the first of many big fights we'll have throughout our relationship. As you, you know, you've a teenager,
Starting point is 01:13:32 you guys are going to there's going to be dust-ups. Yeah. So just the heat is on. We're in a huge rush to get out. out. Like, we, we are, we are, where the pizza comes, we, we're cramming it down. We get in the car and she's like, oh, I forgot something. And I'm like, we don't. Oh, boy. You don't have time for you to forget something. Also, everything's in that bag. I know everything you need is in the bag. Also, all you need is yourself. Right. She runs back inside and she comes outside with fucking LaBere tea in a
Starting point is 01:13:57 Polaroid camera. And I'm like, this is what? Well, he's on vacation. And you have to photograph him because he went to a volleyball game on vacation. And I'm like, okay. And we get to the volleyball game. Oh, my God. And every parent, like, we are about 30 seconds late. Okay. So I'm already kind of embarrassed about that.
Starting point is 01:14:26 Oh. Also, I don't know anyone on the team's name. Like, you don't want to be the parent that didn't get their kid to the volleyball game on time. Sure, sure, sure. So I'm a little embarrassed about that. Sit next to the only two parents I know. And everyone seems to know every. kid on the player on the team's name.
Starting point is 01:14:40 I don't know anyone. I just was at that one thing, right? All these things. Yeah. And then like big stuff's happening and I'm fucking having a photo session with Liberty, which I can show you. Oh my God. We have to put it up.
Starting point is 01:14:52 Oh, yeah, yeah. Let me send it to Rob. This is really a Monica story. There's so much to this story. Oh, my God. What? My heart is so. Big plays are happening and I'm missing it because I'm trying to get.
Starting point is 01:15:06 I'm trying to get a shot of Liberty on vacation at the volleyball game without my hands in it. Oh. And lighting in shadows or whatever, you know. Now here's the impossible thing. And this is just, this is really Delta and really her mom. Okay. These two with these horseshoes.
Starting point is 01:15:26 All right. Go ahead and show Moni this. This is. Oh. Ah! Of course, she had a whole outfit for him. He's got a skirt. a bib, a cardigan, a hat, shit all over his face.
Starting point is 01:15:43 Oh, my God, I want to cry. And I can only imagine what the other parents think of me who showed up late. I'm on TV. And I spend the whole time doing a photo shoot with Glaberti. I'm missing huge place. People are like cheering. I'm like, what happened? Wait, he looks so happy.
Starting point is 01:16:05 He's kind of pointing to. to Delta. That's actually Delta just above. Right there? Yeah, yeah, that's her at the front of the net. Okay, now here's the part where it's like, you know, some people just have charmed lives. So it's, it's little, it's 10-year-olds playing volleyball. Yeah. Nobody's getting their serve over. Oh, sure. I would say, realistically, 90% of the serves don't make it over. Okay, yeah. Delta steps up for her very first serve. And I'm like, you know, no way she's getting it over. She started playing on Monday. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:16:37 She gets it over perfectly. They get it back. The other team returns it and then it falls flat. But I'm like, oh, my God. I'm like, I'm so excited. Her next time up, four in a row over, scores three points. I'm like, what? I'm not surprised.
Starting point is 01:16:58 She's a natural at everything. Oh, my God. And, like, it's, there's a lot in there. There's like Eckhart Tolle, Power Now, I don't know what it is, but it's like, I would have gone in there. Like, it had been so important to me that I was good. Right. And she didn't really go in there with that. I think she went in there to have fun with her new friends.
Starting point is 01:17:18 And then she was great. And then she like. Her focus was her friends vacation. Oh, my God. I couldn't believe it. There were three other girls out of 25 or 26. each have four alternates, whatever, a lot of girls. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:17:35 There were really only four girls the entire night that served it over more than two times in a row. Wow, that's so exciting. Yes. I couldn't believe. And then a ball came her way and she got it. And then they won two oh. It was the best two out of three.
Starting point is 01:17:50 And they want their first game, they won two oh. I'm so proud of it. I'm so proud Liberty got to watch that. It's incredible she can be athletic with that horseshoe so far up her ass. No, it's not luck. It's skin. And it's passion. You know, Kristen went to her first baseball game and hit a home run.
Starting point is 01:18:06 But maybe that's also skill. I can't. Well, clearly they have skill. Exactly. Obviously. I think it's just hidden talents. I think there's something kind of cool and metaphysical happening. Okay.
Starting point is 01:18:19 I think there's like karmic rewards for being, her priority is probably for everyone else to shine and the other girls on the team. I don't know. There's something suspicious. You just don't go to your first time ever trying something and you're like third or fourth best person. Oh, wow. Oh, and it's so cute watching girls play. I love it because
Starting point is 01:18:40 every time someone messes up, which is almost all the time, everyone's like, good job, girl, right? And even when it's like, they would get a volley going. Now you're invested. It's like, oh my God, and they got, and then someone shits to the bed. Yeah, of course, yeah. Boys, 100% of boys are like, my cold
Starting point is 01:18:57 piss! Yeah. Who are you? Wake up. Yeah, yeah. That's just like how boys are. But these girls are so supportive and kind to each other. And everyone left in a great mood and no one felt bad if they didn't do good. And it was, it was delightful. I had a blast at this volleyball guy.
Starting point is 01:19:15 I cannot wait. First I was like, oh, boy, we got volleyball across town twice a week. Now, no, I can't wait to go. Oh, exciting. I want to go to a game. Oh, you should. I'll bring Laberti. I bet LaBerti is not going to want to miss it.
Starting point is 01:19:28 I'm sorry. Now back to son. That doesn't even my complaint yet. Oh. So that was the game, right? And then I drive her to school this morning and Liberty's with her on the seat. And then we get out of the car and she's like, okay, you'll keep Liberty with you all day today. And I was like, yeah.
Starting point is 01:19:47 And she's like, yeah, he doesn't, he's on vacation. Like, you can't just leave him. So I'm like, oh, okay. She has a lot of ideas about vacation. Because I'm like, I'm going to put him on the bed. Of course. That's a great vacation if he asked me, if he could lay him by all day. Well, but he does sit a lot.
Starting point is 01:20:01 She was very specific that I needed to, like, incorporate him into my day. So here I am with Laberti. Like, you and I were coming to the studio. Yeah. I was like, oh, fuck, I got it. I forgot Laberti. And I had to run in the house now and be late. I thought you ran in to get him to return him.
Starting point is 01:20:19 But I was like, no, no, he should still hang out with Delta for some time. Oh, no, he's going to go see another one battle after another. You're singing again? Yeah, yeah, with Larry Trelling. Oh, are you going to the best team? Yeah, yeah. first time at the Vista. Oh, you'll love it.
Starting point is 01:20:34 Okay. Can you take a picture of him in the seat? Yeah, you must. Oh, we were having fun with that. You know, there's that, I think you should leave sketch where he says there's shit on the receipt. Yes. And then he's like, let's, someone goes, let's get out of here. This place is covered in shit.
Starting point is 01:20:53 So we were walking into class on the sidewalk and we were saying Liberty is covered in shit. I can't believe the outfit she put him in. Oh, I'm sure he'll be in four or five others before he comes back. I was really not expecting to see an outfit on him. And she made it so quick. I mean, I left at like two o'clock. And she's even explaining to me like, yeah, so this is Ken's cardigan, but I put it on backwards. It looks more chic backwards.
Starting point is 01:21:22 Like, so that was actually in the first. Yeah, it looked so good. Yeah, he looked great in a sequence dress. I feel unethical at this point, bringing him back. Like, I think she needs to adopt him. I think I have to give it. I think it's time for me to put him up for adoption to her only. Well, as the parent who lives in a house with too much stuff,
Starting point is 01:21:48 if you want to keep him in here as well, that's also. I know, I know, I understand where you're coming from as the grandparent. Yeah, we, I mean, we just, I don't know if we can. be tending to yet another with this attention to detail. I just, though, like, I'll never be able to unsee him in that outfit, really living, like, his best life. Can you see if I did get back in his show business and I'm walking into pitch projects at, like, Warner Brothers, and I'm entering with three or four stuffies.
Starting point is 01:22:19 Like, I grew with me and let's shit tea and the whole gang. Is named proper. Okay. I did. It is kind of funny, though. Because last night, I was thinking, I also was thinking, like, oh, like, that was so sweet that Delta wanted to, like, play with him. And I already had the thought. I was like, she should just keep him.
Starting point is 01:22:42 Like, you know, I should give her that. And now you see what kind of steward she is of it. Well, and then this, yeah, it's just, like, fully irresponsible for me to be like, that's mine and just leave it sitting on this shelf when it's living a big life with her. That's kind of what happened with how Brie got Bilby. the dog. Bilbo, Mac. Oh, oh. It was someone else's dog that she would babysit.
Starting point is 01:23:06 Oh. And she'd be out in a sweater at the beach with Bilby, you know. And the person was finally like, this is. It's not fair. She's doing a better job. Yeah. As a parent, you've got to know when you're not doing a good job. God, I hope no one does a better job with Delta.
Starting point is 01:23:25 I do not want to give her back. I don't know. I mean, I guess you got to keep that in mind. I'm not, I'm not open to it yet. Talk to me in some time. Maybe when she's fully hormonal. Hitting the teens. Yes.
Starting point is 01:23:38 Oh my God. Well, I am, can you send me that picture, please? Oh, yeah, of course. What a great day. What a great day. He's done more in the last 14 hours than he did his previous 20 years on this planet. Well, I don't know. He spent a lot of time in my parents' basement doing God knows what.
Starting point is 01:23:57 Obviously, that's why he looks like. That's why he's covered. That was his, like, naughty era, obviously. His rum shmira? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But even when you got him, what I'd be right to assume, you got him as a valuable collectible item, you weren't playing.
Starting point is 01:24:11 I was not playing with him. No, yeah. No, I was not. So he probably honestly did get more playing in yesterday. Yeah. Yeah. He did. That's a hopeful story.
Starting point is 01:24:21 Like, don't rule off that you might have, like, the most playful. In your older years. Yeah. In the twilight of your life. I mean, he lost his tag. I kind of feel like when he was in my parents' basement, it was like the height of his addiction. You know, he lost his tag. He got covered and shit.
Starting point is 01:24:39 Yeah, he was doing, he was naughty. He was doing sexual acts. Yeah, probably with the like, I mean, there were some other beanie babies down there. And then there was like some like a cabbage patch. Oh, they're nasty. Yeah, they're still pooping their divers. Oh, maybe that. explains it.
Starting point is 01:25:00 So, you know, but I feel like now he's... Someone said in the comments that you and I are just, we've gotten too gross. They're like, you guys are just disgusting now. I think something about maybe my, getting my prostate exam. Whatever, that's real. That's medical, man. People have to get their prostate. You don't like medicine?
Starting point is 01:25:17 Exactly. You don't like science. You don't be saying that when it saves your life. Exactly. That's right. All right. Well, oh! Oh, that was an accident for the last.
Starting point is 01:25:27 For the listener, I just knocked the liberty off of the armrest. Oh, boy. Okay. Yeah, you got to remember he's smaller than grew. I'm going to want to play with my phone because you know how kids love it. Screen time. Yeah, that'll distract him. I wonder what he's going to watch.
Starting point is 01:25:41 I hope he doesn't watch porn. I hope he doesn't slip into that, you know. I mean, he's allowed, but like, I just don't want to, you know. I understand. He's sober now and he's. It could be a trigger. Yeah, it could bring back some of the shame. Yeah, like if you look at your phone in, it's.
Starting point is 01:25:57 It's like cabbage patch, diaper, search. Yeah. You know it's bad. And then you get into all Jennifer Hansen's liquor in front of us. Reminder that tomorrow Beth's Dead is out everywhere. Guys go to Patreon. How do people even do this? Well, no, they don't have to.
Starting point is 01:26:17 Tomorrow it's out like anywhere you get your podcast. Regs. It's regs. It's out. Okay. But it's out week to week. And if you start listening. With it.
Starting point is 01:26:28 Yeah. If you're like, oh, I want more I want to binge, you can go to patreon.com slash Bethstead and you get the whole thing. I can't wait to hear the result of this. This is exciting. Yeah. Cass. Cass. Cass.
Starting point is 01:26:41 Okay. Where can you find playgrounds with the big blue box boxes, you know? You can just search imagination playground. Okay. And then you can search your area. You can see. You can see where you can go. Okay.
Starting point is 01:26:55 Play with those. Junk playgrounds, we said, were big in the U.K. They're not as big in the U.K. as they once were, sadly. Many are struggling to stay open due to funding cuts. While the concept originated in the U.K. after World War II and was popular for a time, austerity measures, lack of funding for youth services, and a move toward risk-averse traditional playgrounds have led to the closure or reduction of many. However, they still exist in some areas and have experienced a small,
Starting point is 01:27:27 resurgence in some places with a growing number of adventure playgrounds popping up in the U.S. as well. Okay, great. That's good. Okay, well, according to the internet, you cannot get an STD from a lazy river. Yeah. Yeah. I would like to do some further research.
Starting point is 01:27:45 Okay. You want that to be true for some reason. You feel safer in a world where you could get an STD. In a lazy river. Did I already tell you that? You go ahead. No, what? This is now I don't want to get back into the...
Starting point is 01:28:01 Oh, boy. But I came about when I was in the hospital and the doctor said, we were in there by ourselves. Wait, what? Oh, no one will like this. No one. Okay. I'm in there with this doctor.
Starting point is 01:28:12 I don't know him. Okay. And he's trying to figure out what's going on with me and my prostate and everything. And he says, you know, anything we say in here is between you and I. It doesn't leave this room. HIPAA. And I immediately know where he's going when he says that. Why?
Starting point is 01:28:28 And he says, is there any chance you have an STD? Oh. And I said, oh, I wish. Yeah. Sure. Sure. I wish. I wish.
Starting point is 01:28:42 But no, it's not an STB. I mean, if you have been in rivers. Lazy river. But as we now know, even if I had been in a lazy river, I wouldn't be. You've been in regular lake. Yeah. No problem. I'm going to do some research.
Starting point is 01:29:01 Okay. So you'd feel more comfortable because I think I even said, I think there's a lot of people that blame STDs on a lot of things that are not realistic, like a toilet seat and a this and that. And really, they've just been hanky-panking. Yeah, it's transmitted through intimate sexual contact. Not sitting on a toilet seat. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:29:20 I mean, on a toilet seat, though. No, you don't have, if you had a big open gash on your butt cheek. Yeah. And then a big dump of the STD was sitting on the seat wet. Yeah. But get real. Okay. What's not going to happen?
Starting point is 01:29:36 What if a woman put her vagina straight on the seat? Yeah. And secreted some stuff. Mm-hmm. Okay? Yeah. And it got the goo on there. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:29:50 And then the next person did the same thing. And then the first person had an STD that you'd get it. If it was woman. to woman and the second woman also rubbed her vagina all over the sea. Yeah. Maybe. But a lot of these SDDs, when they get airborne, they die. Yeah, it's fat.
Starting point is 01:30:06 It has to be really fat. Yeah. So, I mean, you're talking about two women grinding on the outside of the toilet. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I'm just saying it could.
Starting point is 01:30:23 And I don't want to generalize, but I don't think it's a ton of women claiming they got an STD from a toilet seat again. I think it's more men and I don't think they have a vagina to rub on there. Oh, they're saying it because they cheated. Exactly. Oh, my God. I don't know, hon. I must have got it at the urinal.
Starting point is 01:30:41 Oh, that's, yeah. Oh, you didn't even know where I was at from the whole beginning of this conversation. No, I did. Oh, you did. I did then, but yeah. Now you're really. Yeah. I don't know, hon.
Starting point is 01:30:53 I went in a lazy river. First of all, when did you go in a lazy river? My birthday. I mean. Maybe. Okay, so TBD on that. Well, okay. No.
Starting point is 01:31:09 No, I have to deliver the correct facts and you can't get it. You don't want to get sued by a lazy river manufacturer. But I also don't want to get sued by someone who did get one in a lazy river. There's chlorine in there. They got a swimsuit on. It does say chlorine. Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 01:31:25 Oh, fuck. There was, I remember when I was younger and herpes was all the rage? Yeah. Because herpes really hit the scene in the 80s. That's where it was like all over the news, this new thing, herpes, herpes. Yeah. And I remember they would say you could get herpes from a hot tub. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:31:41 But I don't know if that's true. They would say that. Maybe that's where all this is coming from. Herpes from a hot tub. That'd be a good band name. It would be. Herpes from a hot tub. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:31:55 Herpes is cute. It's a cute name. A lot of these are bad, you know, gonorrhea. Clamydia is not great. Yeah. Yeah. It's gonorrhea. Plug your ears, people who are sensitive.
Starting point is 01:32:07 There's something about the word gonorrhea where I think I can smell it. Ew. Right. That's disgusting. But do you agree? Yeah. Yeah. I agree.
Starting point is 01:32:14 Yeah. Clamydia. That's kind of cute. Cualabars get it. It sounds like a flower. Like it could have been a flower. A clamidia. Yeah, she got me.
Starting point is 01:32:24 She got her a dozen chlamidias. beautiful yeah syphilis that one sounds rough syphilis syphilis almost is in automatopoeia and if you seen what happens to like have you seen the skulls from the people who died of syphilis in the 16 and 1700s it eats away all the frontal brain white matter the bone it eats it's all like it looks like um not even swiss cheese like termite. Ew. Yeah, yeah. It's rough, rough, rough. I mean, people do need to be careful. Like, I don't want people to go in lazy river.
Starting point is 01:33:06 No, going lazy rivers are really fun and they're safe. Get syphless. I have an unfortunate thing that happened. I was supposed to check a fact and I didn't. Oh, what was it? But I tried to check it online and I couldn't find it. And so I needed to look in her book and I meant to go find the book and I didn't. okay but it was it was the stat for the experiment she talked about where people like students took a some students took a test in silence some went when there was music some did a puzzle and then there were percentages about outcomes and she said the one she was saying was definitely wrong but that they're in the book and yet i did not retrieve them that's all right i would have done it i still like you okay you've paid no reputational price
Starting point is 01:33:54 Thank you. And that's it. That's everything. I've been playing with my Gimo, the cute toys she gave us. I've been playing with my gonorrhea. No. Oh. Can you play with your god?
Starting point is 01:34:12 I've never had gonorrhea, shockingly. What have you had? I mean, I guess I could have had it. And then I had antibiotics or something else and didn't ever. No, I said, what have you had? Oh. I'm not going to talk about I'll only tell you stuff I haven't had
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