Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Cat Bohannon (on the female body and evolution)
Episode Date: September 18, 2024Cat Bohannon (Eve) is a researcher and best selling author. Cat joins the Armchair Expert to discuss why strangers want to tell her about their bodies, the reasons women often live longer, an...d how the medical industry doesn’t study women as much as men. Cat and Dax talk about why women are often seen as having more anxiety, how important females are to the success of a society, and why men have difficulties hearing women’s voices. Cat explains how working night shifts affects the human body, why women are better designed to walk upright, and how diversity is a strength of our species. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert,
experts on expert, I'm Dan Shepard.
And I'm Monica Padman.
And we are coming to you live from New York.
It is not Saturday night, it is Wednesday morning.
Whenever you're listening to this, it is.
I think we've been a little bit Easter egging her
because it was so interesting what we learned from her.
But Kat Bohannon, who is a researcher
and a bestselling author, she has a PhD from Columbia
in evolution of narrative and cognition.
She has a book out which is very, very interesting
called Eve, How the Female Body Drove
200 Million Years of Human Evolution. which is very, very interesting, called Eve, how the female body drove 200 million years
of human evolution.
It puts Z woman at the very center of this evolution.
It does, it's really fascinating.
It is.
And seeing how the different sexes
have evolved and have some predictable outcomes
and have some unpredictable ones.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, look, women don't get studied.
That's like the headline, right?
Medicine is like, they have not really studied women
and all these bizarre examples.
Exactly.
The crazy one was like,
how much more powerful Ambien is.
Yeah.
Like, oopsies.
I know.
Yeah, so we get into all that.
Yes, so please enjoy Kat Bohannon.
What's up, guys?
It's your girl Kiki and my podcast is back
with a new season and let me tell you, it's too good.
And I'm diving into the brains
of entertainment's best and brightest, okay?
Every episode, I bring on a friend.
I mean the likes of Amy Poehler,
Kel Mitchell, Vivica Fox, the list goes on.
So follow, watch, and listen to, baby,
this is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app
or wherever you get your podcasts.
People tell me a lot about their bodies right now. Yeah.
So much.
So much.
What's the weirdest thing someone said?
The weirdest thing someone said is probably asking me things about mine.
Sure.
I actually don't find it weird when people tell me about theirs because that's like an
honoring moment.
Like I'm going to share a vulnerable thing that I don't tell a lot of people.
I get a lot of older men telling me about their balls right now.
Oh my God.
I kind of invited that into my life, my fault.
Okay.
Yeah.
But they tell me about that.
Now I know a lot about their testicular reality and that's cool.
But no, it's weird when people ask me things about like my labia, you know?
Yeah, that feels.
And then I'm like, I could tell you about my labes, but it's like 8 p.m. in a library.
I don't know if I need to be there right now.
Not the right setting.
Yeah.
Well, to get serious, we have a lot of people
who write memoirs that come through.
And it's one thing to write about an experience
in the comfort of your home with great control
and release it exactly how you want it.
But that's not to say you want to talk about it verbally with strangers, but the person
who read it, of course, they're like, oh yeah, they're cool with this.
They let the world know.
And it's hard to guess maybe for them that, oh, just because I felt comfortable writing
it in my bedroom doesn't mean that I can do it at the airport.
Absolutely.
Where do you want to be vulnerable?
Where do you actually want to be naked?
Yeah.
And I think so much of it for me is control.
So like we had a very infamous episode
where I had acknowledged I had relapsed.
The way that came about with just us discussing it
felt very manageable.
But then to go on a talk show and they bring that up
and I'm like, this isn't my safe space
where I'm ready to lay it out
in a way I would like to lay it out.
It can get tricky.
I bet your book would invite a lot of interesting.
What's the men's general questions about their testicles?
What in the book has made guys
bring you their testicle information?
Just like in a little, just their little snuffle pucks,
just bringing them on.
I just have a present for you right now.
Hopefully no one's presented them. They're just describing what they're going through. Not yet, I'm just bringing them on. I just have a present for you right now. Hopefully no one's presented them.
They're just describing what they're going through.
Not yet, I'm ready.
I got a bunch of death threats from the Manosphere in June
because of something I said on stage in the UK
at the Hay Festival that was then reported
kind of out of context in The Guardian
where men were super convinced
that I was asking them
to cut off their balls.
Oh.
I was not.
You should totally keep your furry little friends.
Why would you not?
They've been through so much with you.
Why would you not?
You don't need to get rid of them.
Yeah.
I mean, if you have testicular cancer, but that's you and your doctor, right?
That's a privacy moment.
It's not my advocacy that men should self castrate.
It's more that I was trying to figure out a way.
There's this thing about bi-in.
Female bodies are radically understudied
in just about every space where you could do that research
in biology or in medicine.
And female bodies are also radically under cared for
in so many settings.
And so how do you get people without female bodies
to give a damn about that?
Because actually if you're only modeling the male body,
that means that you are getting an incomplete picture
of how this thing even works,
because that's only half of our species.
And one of the main ways to point that out is longevity.
Females live longer on average than males,
and one of the most reliable ways
to make male mammals live longer in many species
is to castrate them.
And is that because it reduces their incident rate of like violence or conflict with other males?
I think that's such a smart question. You would think it's a behavioral thing, right?
You would think it's about risk taking. Whether it's in the wild or in the lab, you actually get
this effect quite often. It actually reduces many cancer rates. It is tied to telomere length.
There are a lot of different measures of aging.
Basically, you're aging faster because you got the NADs.
And no one totally knows why,
but if we better study sex differences,
that's how we're going to figure out why.
There's something relative to compare it to.
Yeah, and we know that historically,
certain kinds of human eunuchs may have lived longer
because of similar medical reasons.
It may also be because of lifestyle.
We don't know.
Any man lives long enough, he'll die of prostate cancer.
That's a stated thing.
It's just subtly or rapidly growing.
And when you have prostate cancer,
the first order of business is to go on a testosterone
blocker to reduce the spread of it and growth of it.
So right out of the gates of you just look,
well just minimally prostate cancer's hugely impacted
by testosterone and that is a really high percentage
killer of men.
Over 80% of American men who live to the age of 80
will be diagnosed at some point in their lives
with prostate cancer.
Wow.
That is a ticking time bomb a few inches up your butt.
It's true.
I was a spokesperson for the Prostate Cancer Foundation
for quite a while, urging men to get that digital examination.
Well, I have to say your book interests me greatly
because I majored in anthropology.
I love learning about the evolution of our species.
And I gotta admit that even until today,
I don't think I thought, well, how do we define a mammal?
There's like four imperative characteristics.
They have to have fur,
they have to have viviparity, live birth,
they have to have mammary glands to feed,
and then they have to be warm-blooded.
Well, two of those things are just innately female.
The live birth in the mammary glands,
that's the defining characteristic of that sex.
Massively so.
It's right there in the description of a mammal.
Kind of a chick thing, so to speak.
Yeah, and so your book, Eve, is very much like,
let's look at evolution through the lens of females.
That evolution is starting with females and continuing with females,
and it's not the study of man per se.
It was all right there for me to have an aha moment.
It's weird when you're like, why weren't we talking about the females?
Why are they just like over the hill, just pounding some tubers?
Sorry, you look busy, guys.
I'll just build the future of our species in my pelvis.
Like, no, it's weird that we left them out.
Yeah, absolutely.
And so there's a bunch of tributaries that lead into this river we've inherited.
One of them would be who was writing these books.
There is a lot of dong in the history
of science communication.
I agree.
In the history of everything.
Well, somebody made that body that has the dong, but yes.
People are generally locked into their own perspective
and they view the world through their own eyes.
So yeah, there's that,
but then there's this interesting medical history
of why we don't study women.
And I would love for you to shine a light
on just how dramatic that is.
I think that would shock a lot of people.
Yeah, so things are getting better.
It's not enough.
We can't rest on our laurels.
We've had some wins in this space.
So that's my little pin right at the start.
Just about any scientific study you guys have ever heard of
is probably done exclusively on male
bodies. Some new paper on diabetes, some new paper on an Alzheimer's drug, some new paper
on this, that, or the other. For once, it is not actually because of sexism. We're used
to the answer being, ah, sexism, yeah, I've heard of that.
Like you're not worth studying.
Exactly. That you are less important, so therefore your body isn't a thing
that we're concerned about.
In this case, it's actually good science run amok
because every mammal has an estrus cycle.
Very species to species, we call this a menstrual cycle.
So your hormones go up and down
in this semi-predictable cascade.
And that is a thing for scientists
who aren't trying to study the uterus or ovaries
because nearly every tissue in your body has sex hormone receptors
and we only kind of sort of barely know what they're doing on your bones or on your muscles
because we haven't been studying sex differences, right?
So if you want to be a good scientist, you want a nice, clean, we call it elegant experiment.
So then you want to control for your confounds.
The easiest way to control for the confound of estrus
is to not study bodies that have it.
And if we could even be more lay about it,
like their dream subject in a study
is someone whose baseline is virtually unmoving.
We introduce a new controlled variable
and then we see what happens.
And if this person we're studying
doesn't have a very consistent baseline
or it varies greatly throughout the month,
that is why they would not want to study that subject.
That's absolutely true.
And you're largely describing what we do
when we're talking about doing studies on humans,
on bodies like you and me.
I'm also talking about rats, man.
I'm talking about basic understandings of just bodies
that are
mammalian and how they work because we do a lot of basic science in rodents and
in rodents we're only studying males unless we want to know something about a
uterus. Was there also the added fear of having females in a trial? They thought
they were taking on some liability about either future reproductive health or
perhaps they would be pregnant or was those also concerns or no?
In humans, so that's the thalidomide story.
There was this time in the middle of the last century
where we screwed up a lot of babies
by giving women in a clinical trial a certain drug.
We didn't anticipate that.
And so it was actually a big win in the US FDA
where a woman said, hey, let's make a rule
and not include women of reproductive age
so that we don't screw up potential babies.
Seems like a great idea,
but reproductive age is like 11 or so,
sliding down these days, right?
Until like last I checked,
depends on your menopause, somewhere in your 50s?
Yeah.
So that's most of our damn lives,
which means that it was against the rules for decades.
Also having anyone sub 11 years old in a study's got its own ethical dilemma.
It does. It does.
There are many things with pediatric studies,
which is part of why we barely understand adolescent development.
There are many complicating factors, but the simple fact is,
it was just dicks all the way down.
It was just boy town for a very long time in medical research.
Yeah.
In the 90s, we noticed, oh crap, that's a bad idea.
Okay, so change
it. But loopholes and all the drugs kept coming through the pipeline, still mostly studying
males. Then the NIH caught on. They're like, oh, we got to fix the rat problem too. Okay.
So now they started to try to fix the rat problem. But there are still enough loopholes
to drive huge trucks through, which are most of the medications on the market today. And part of it actually is that it's very hard
to enroll human women in phase one clinical trials.
So that's that moment where you actually start
trying to test out a drug.
You're not in rats anymore, you're in a human body, okay.
You try and see what are the side effects, what's up.
Just enrolling enough women is presently a problem.
What's causing that discrepancy?
They're not reaching out or women are not participating?
I think it's both.
I think there's a lack of trust among women
who might wanna participate.
There might even be an interesting
risk taker variable here too.
Well.
I got a well from both of you.
Well yeah, well my well is new as in the last couple hours
because I was at the cardiologist this morning.
You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine, everything's fine,
but I am probably gonna go on a statin,
and she was like, you'll be fine.
But also, if you are gonna get pregnant,
we'll come off of it for a little bit,
before, for about a month.
As soon as I hear that,
and I have no current plans to get pregnant,
but I was like, well,
then maybe I should just wait to start,
because what if I randomly decide
to wanna get pregnant the next week,
and then there won't be enough time?
You know, your brain does start running with you,
and a lot of it is for protection
for your reproductive organs and such.
Also, there was a huge diagram on the wall
of how heart attacks show up in women.
And it's very specific.
It's not everything we've been told
about how heart attacks show up.
In the book, yeah, Kat says,
women die of heart attack more frequently,
yet they show the signs of them less frequently
or have less of them.
The thing about heart disease that's so interesting
is that we did have that really male model for a long time,
which is that crushing pain on the chest.
Tangle down the arm.
And these like classic, typically male symptoms. And we're finally getting campaigns out to be like,
actually, do you feel like you have indigestion?
Right.
Which definitely doesn't trigger
our slightly more likely to have anxiety disorders at all,
which women also get more because it's like,
is it heartburn or am I dying?
Right?
So it's complicated, but it is starting to save lives.
Just take your
body seriously.
The results of this asymmetrical testing women versus men kind of pops up in culture. I remember
watching a 60 minute segment on women had been prescribed Ambien at the same dose men
were for years and years and years and women were having all these adverse effects to it,
getting up and eating, driving a car,
and people were like, what's going on?
Come to find out when they studied it,
it's almost twice as effective in females.
Women are 40% more likely to be diagnosed
with sleep disorders.
We still don't entirely know why.
I'm gonna take a drug like Ambien
to try and get some sleep.
But then we find out when the car crash data
comes filtering back in, that female patients are getting in car crashes on their damn morning commutes more
than male patients who'd taken it the night before because the drug is being metabolized
differently in our bodies. It's exiting our bodies in different ways. It's effects on
the tissues and we're only just figuring it out because of what? Car crash data?
Right, right, right.
Yeah, so the FDA finally-
Wait till that comes in and we'll make a decision.
We're just gonna.
So this is a while back.
They said, okay, ambient.
You should take half the dose if you've got ovaries.
But at that point I'd been on the market for 21 years.
Oh my God.
So I feel like we can do better.
I feel like we shouldn't wait that long.
What are some other real kind of jaw dropping ones?
Obviously this one shocked me from your book, that opiates.
In fact, my weird stereotype would have almost guessed the opposite.
Yeah.
Another thing that we learned after things had been on the market for a while,
it turns out that we metabolize them a little bit differently.
And it's not so much a body mass thing.
I mean, you're an absurdly tall person.
Thank you so much.
Right?
Your body just kept doing that with the femurs, you know, it's fine.
So it's not just that you're bigger,
and so, you know, a distribution across mass thing,
it's actually a liver thing.
There are thousands of different genes
that are differently expressed in our hepatocytes,
our liver cells, if they have a Y chromosome or do not.
We still don't entirely know what they're all doing,
but we do know that drugs that are metabolized through here
then have a slightly
different profile in your average female body.
That feeling that you're having, that emperor's new clothes feeling, like you thought you
were looking at bodies and it turns out this whole other thing happening in the body, that's
basically every researcher right now studying the biology of sex differences.
It's like the Wild West out there, which also means we don't entirely know which one's going
to pan out in the end.
But the opioid drugs thing, so these are common classes of painkillers, right? There's something you get a prescription for or get from your car washer. Yeah
Because laughing is how we survive
What we do and my crew anyway, you must Tammy hasn't had teeth in a while, but yes.
So the thing is, is that female patients
tend to need a little bit more of it
to have the same subjective level of pain relief.
And you know you're supposed to take them
every certain number of hours, every four,
every six or something like that.
And that's how quickly your body's clearing it.
Female patients tend to stop feeling
that pain relief a little sooner. And so they're then more likely to be like, maybe I should take a little sooner
because this shit hurts. Or maybe I should just take a little more. You start cutting them,
hopefully not snorting them, but you start going against what the prescription is,
in part because the prescription was written as if you weren't female. So then that's a unique path
to addiction, right? Because you're front loading, you're norming a certain level of that drug in your body
and you're up in it, you're up in it, you're up in it
and like your body becomes dependent on it.
Yeah, well you were forced to take it in your own hands
cause the dosage and schedule was wrong.
And now once you've broken protocol, now you're on your own.
You've kind of passed one of the roadblocks.
And in fact, when you're in recovery
and you have a crazy injury,
your sponsor will go like,
yeah, you're allowed to take those as prescribed.
That's the huge asterisk, right?
So if you've already broke as prescribed,
then kind of the sky's the limit.
You're managing it yourself
and we're not great at that, especially when you're altered.
Absolutely.
I think it's a trust thing.
And that's a big thing right now
with women patients and their docs.
If you're already in a situation where you don't feel hurt, you feel like you're told female pain doesn't matter,
that happens for a lot of people with these sorts of bodies, are you in a relationship of trust with your doc?
Do you think this person is looking out for your best interest? Do you think this person's really
seeing you, hearing you, tending to you the way you deserve?
And if you don't have that already,
then it's that much easier to cross that threshold.
And this is where I would be very supportive
of introducing sexism, which is I think male doctors
are not taking them seriously because this stereotype
that you're more sensitive or you're being overly sensitive
or you're being-
I don't get that.
Where did it come from?
I don't know, but I think that's what's going on.
I do too.
Where did sexism come from?
Because that just totes what you're asking right now.
We have 18 hours.
No, but I mean the very specific wimpiness
of girls and women.
I can propose from my own anecdotal life and experience
how I could be led down that path,
which is the dynamic in our relationship.
As you just said, women do overindex with anxiety.
My wife is expressing way more concerns in the day than I am.
And almost my role in our union is me going like,
yeah, probably let's wait.
You know, there's this dynamic that exists.
And then I go to work and I'm carrying all the baggage
of what my role is in my house.
And yeah, and then I'm discounting people's truth.
But I think that's maybe a kernel of where it's coming from.
I think it's true that one, in marriages,
we tend to hyper emphasize roles.
We can play up things in the dynamic of a twosome.
Two, I think it's true that while women and girls
are more diagnosed with anxiety,
that isn't the full picture of how and why that's happening
because diagnosis is its own thing
versus what's actually going down.
There's a long history in psychiatry
of over-diagnosing women with anxiety,
kind of actually the whole history of the field.
Hysteria.
Yeah, exactly.
That doesn't mean that we are not.
Actually, I think there is a deep biological route
around anxiety.
Yes, you have to be worried about a child all the time.
Exactly.
It's also just the story we tell ourselves about gender mess, right?
Because remember that female clinicians also tend to disbelieve female patients about their pain,
also tend to rate it differently in their own heads, quite unconsciously,
according to a slightly different scale.
Like, oh, well, if a chick's saying this is hurt, this hurts, what does that mean?
I'm happy to point to the pretty well-worn stereotype, and we have tons of data on it,
of men. Men are ignoring their symptoms. They don't want to go to the doctor. It's a sign
of weakness and vulnerability. Like, I'm happy to take on what our dumb thing is. So yes,
if you're coming from a position of hide it, hide it, hide it, you're just inherently saying
less of the things out loud. And and someone's not carrying that gender baggage
is expressing it more.
Accurately I would say.
Yeah, any human's trying to correct for these two enormous variables, the patterns are much
different and they're predictable.
So I'm happy to point to the male's stupidity in it, which is like, we're going to hide
everything and be quiet about it.
So if a man says he's hurt, we're generally inclined to think, oh he must really be fucking hurt because they don't say that.
We have a lot of work to do, we collectively in the US, around men and
boys vulnerabilities, having them be heard in the fullness of their being,
both in and out of the clinic absolutely. That's the full thrust of this podcast.
It's me going, I was molested, I'm an addict, I'm afraid, I'm a dude, I ride motorcycles,
I ride wheelies, I've been in fights, I'm scared.
This is what this is.
It's like raise your hand and say you're scared and don't act out in a way compensating for
that that's going to destroy you and everyone you love around you.
One of the reasons I keep coming back to the body, I am a researcher, I've done scientific research,
I have done humanistic research, and I am an artist.
I've always been both.
And on each side, I always keep coming back to the body
because I'm really interested in intimacy.
And one of the first things that happens
both physiologically and psychologically in a moral act
is empathy for the feelings of others. And a huge amount of empathy then is simply for the feelings of others.
And a huge amount of empathy then
is simply imagining the bodies of others.
We become more moral when we imagine the bodies of others
and all of their pain and suffering and joys.
Which has a physiological component.
Well, I think the brain is embodied,
so it's always embodied.
But speaking of brain, you wanted to talk about anesthesia.
Yes.
Yeah, women come out of it quicker.
Yeah. So I know it's nightmare fuel, but it is true that you are more likely to wake up
on a surgical table. You're more likely to emerge as it's called from anesthesia. If
you've got ovaries, if you've got a female body with the same amount of balance of medication
control for your body size. So any anesthesiologist
will tell you it's as much an art as a science. Sometimes I think this is how they're covering
for themselves. What do a lot of doctors say?
Yeah, I don't like hearing that it's an art anesthesia. No, thank you.
I respect artists. I just don't want them up in my hoo-ha.
Same, exactly.
Yeah. But I mean, their whole job is to bring you right close to death, but not over it.
It's true.
They're like the edge lords of medicine.
But the thing is, is that when you emerge from anesthesia, your body is returning to
consciousness, returning to sensation.
It shouldn't be the case that just because you're female, that's a thing.
So there was this really cool study on rats, actually just, I know I always come back to
the rats.
We do terrible things to rats, but there's this cool study on rats.
It turns out that even if you remove the gonads and you control the amount of estrogen and testosterone
That's one of the ways you can do it doing it through the veins in other words
The male brain is more oriented towards sleepiness the female brain
Which is to say is more oriented towards wakefulness. It simply emerges. Wow
Sooner in a deep deep brain based
Way, so the stereotype is true
The men are more prone to the sleepy sleepies
from like rats forward and it's a testosterone thing.
And of course,
cause they aren't having to listen to a baby cry.
They don't have the incentive to be tending to that cry.
The notion that the provider of the food, the milk,
has to sleep at a little shallower of a depth
so that they can respond to that is very intuitive.
Although in highly social mammalian species,
they're all listening for the kids
and we are a super social mammalian species.
I mean, we're social primates for God's sake.
We're about as social as it gets.
So that means that it also behooves you.
It also benefits you to respond to alertness.
This plays into, and we'll get to it into perception.
It gets into why men do better on a night shift than women.
Like there's a lot of different things
that from the anthropological lens,
of course we had different roles
in the hunting and gathering society.
So boys took shift watching.
Distribution of hunting roles,
distribution of protecting a group against harm.
We've tried out a lot of different models as a species
and still are.
I think it is true that unfortunately,
or fortunately, it is more costly when a female dies.
That is true because this is where the babies are made
if you're gonna make a baby. Yeah, if you have a population of primates and there's one male and 99 females, they're going
to make it. If there's one female and 99 males, they're not going to make it. They're innately
more valuable. Yes, in part because the way we make babies is so goddamn hard, especially as our
species. Oh man, this is not a great sitch. It's amazing it works at all.
And so if that's the case,
then you especially have to be thinking
about our evolutionary path as something
that's rewarding things that keep the females alive.
Well, let's start at the beginning.
Let's start 200 million years ago.
Mammals.
At least the first milk production, morgy,
is a little mouse-like weasel-like little animal.
And this is the first to create milk for its young.
Yeah, she's the adorable little weasel bitch,
and she's the real Madonna.
She's where milk comes from, basically.
She's a genus.
She was really successful.
We found her everywhere, her fossils.
So what's amazing about her is this is the moment
where we start taking control
of early mammalian development in ways that
we hadn't before.
And so tell us the benefits of milk production.
There's a huge cost.
Yeah.
So it must have some pretty unique benefits that were ultimately rewarded over the next
200 million years.
One of the main things it controls is your water because every land animal is really
thirsty from the moment it's born where we evolved in oceans, never really got over it.
This is a very water-based way of being alive.
Water is also a place where a lot of pathogens happen,
a lot of bacteria, a lot of things that can totally kill you
when you have a young immune system.
So if you can control, if you can filter the water in early life
through your own body, which is what making milk does.
Yeah.
Well, that's huge.
That's a major upgrade.
And you say in the book, yeah, us adults are 65% water,
but the baby's 75% water.
Part of that is just how big your organs are
and how much fat you've got on you.
It's a really big deal to be able to control the water.
And it gives you an opportunity too,
to start manipulating that early immune system,
helping it learn the world, helping it fight the bad guys in the world.
That's what milk really does.
Yeah, you get colostrum at the beginning,
and you're really passing on all your antibodies
to your baby.
Which you start in the womb.
You start through the placenta.
That's that early maternal transfer.
That's why if you get a flu shot when you're pregnant,
your kid is weirdly protected in those early months of life
because it's receiving a kind of embodied learning of what's dangerous in the world and how to
fight it basically before you're born.
But also throughout milk, but especially in colostrum, you're getting a lot of immune
boosting material.
That's like a straight up hot shot to get your immune system up and going.
And the whole system's adaptive, right?
The mother is receiving information from the baby adjusting the type of milk it's getting.
Yeah, mostly because physics.
If you are a newborn and you can latch, you are basically forming a docking seal around
the nipple.
My kid was very bad at this, did more chewing than sucking.
Sure.
So you're docking on and what you're doing is you are creating a vacuum by sucking in
your cheeks, right?
And then you're rolling that tongue back and forth under the nipple.
And what it does is it moves the vacuum back and forth inside that enclosed space of your
mouth, just like a tide you would see on the shore.
If you're having a wave function, if you're pulling milk in from the breast, it's going
to come in over the top.
You're going to swallow it down your throat.
But with every wave, there's an undertow as you move that vacuum. So your
spit is getting sucked back up into the mom's boob through the nipple where it then distributes
through her ductal work and is read like some kind of weird-ass ancient code by all kinds
of sensors and immune system agents. And we don't even entirely know how that shit works,
but we do know it changes the milk to suit.
If the kid is sick, the milk does change.
It's true for rat as human.
You know, again, it's kind of intuitive
because it's something that has entered your body,
and now your body is going to make
what it needs to deal with that,
which it's now making, which is now being passed.
You can see how it's very symbiotic and circular.
Milk is a co-produced biological product. It's like the only thing
like that in the entire animal world. It's really incredible and there are a few different
moments throughout evolution that are real head scratchers. Like the first mutation that
results in this thing functioning. And that's just a big leap. And then I think second,
which comes in the book, of of course and this is more like
67 million years ago we have been laying eggs any vertebrate on planet Earth for a very long time has been laying eggs and
All of a sudden there's this creature that decides to get rid of the egg and use the inside of their body as an egg
really hard to imagine the
inside of their body as an egg. Really hard to imagine the mutations that led to that, but.
Don't assume a smoking gun.
This is a complex system, and of course,
the failure rate means the failure of your species.
So there's gonna be a lot of small, weird,
stepwise functions, just an accident,
most of the time that failed,
and then this one weirdly worked,
except it now sucks for us, but it's fine.
It's one of those things where now we turned the inside
of what used to be our shell gland,
the surface of the uterus inside, is making stuff,
and now it makes the basal plate of the placenta.
But we decided to have that be the burrow.
That's where the kid's gonna develop
through a certain stage of life, which is a very bad idea.
But we're doing it, and it has some advantages.
And what are the advantages?
Well, one of the really interesting advantages is temperature control.
So we're not the only type of body that has live birth.
Certain sharks have that too.
Totally convergent.
Didn't come from the same moment.
They do it differently, but they do it.
And we have noticed that certain kinds of sharks when they are pregnant, the live birthing
sharks will swim in slightly warmer waters.
So if you are already regulating the temperature
of your insides, you can regulate the temperature
of a growing body better than a clutch of eggs.
And then it dramatically improves our mobility
in that we don't have to tend to eggs.
Yeah.
We don't have to sit half the day on eggs.
We're free to grow a child, an embryo,
and explore and find new food sources
and do anything we would wanna do.
Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.
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What's up, guys? It's your girl Kiki,
and my podcast is back with a new season,
and let me tell you, it's too good.
And I'm diving into the brains of entertainment's
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Every episode, I bring on a friend
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So follow, watch, and listen to Baby.
This is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app
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["Wonderful Wonders"]
There are a lot of mammals that still kind of make their living eating the eggs of other
animals because mom's away and it's time to get in that their nest.
If you don't have to leave your eggs in a nest, well that's useful.
Unfortunately it is also incredibly metabolically taxing on your body because it's not just
your uterus that's pregnant, it's your whole damn body.
It is so metabolically taxing to have a human pregnancy that it's almost hard to compare it. Like some
papers compare it to ultramarathons. They're just reaching for metaphors. Some
papers compare it to just starving for months. They don't entirely know how to
make you understand how much it costs to be pregnant in a body, except that it is.
Well, we could probably minimally look at it calorically, and I'm sure there's a
known percentage of how much more energy you're needing to consume
just to maintain homeostasis. Every organ system you've got is involved if
you're knocked up. Also I remember when my wife was breastfeeding there was some
number we learned that you're burning calories wise just to produce milk. It
was in the thousands. It was like an enormous amount of calories you're
burning just to create the milk.
We get real thirsty and real hungry.
That's a thing that just happens.
So this is a huge development.
Again, it's fully female driven.
This is the female of the species
that's going to carry the baby.
I found the most fascinating part now.
Perception, let's walk through some of the differences in
perception. And some of them are intuitive, some of them are like, oh wow
that's wild, that's a really abstract solution. You're perceiving the world
through your five senses and so these vary greatly because there are different
responsibilities on each other's plate. So we could start maybe with hearing. I
think this is fascinating.
The reason you have a face is that you have a mouth
and that's just continued from the oceans forward.
You are oriented towards food.
So you hang your primary sensors
on this thing we call a head.
So you've got your mouth, your nose, your eyes, your ears,
and there we are.
Seems straightforward, but then you remember
that this is this thing you're using
to sense your environment.
The weird thing about ears is that primate hearing changed dramatically.
Ancestral primate hearing.
When our mammalian ancestors moved into the trees, most primates still up there, then
our hearing had to change.
We needed to be able to hear one another through this weird new environment and we couldn't
bounce sound off the ground.
There's leaves and shit in between us,
we could be far away.
So we needed to be able to produce and hear lower pitches
than most other mammals.
But the females needed to retain those higher pitches
because our babies make very high pitched sounds.
And it's absolutely true that human women
still have a little of that legacy of retaining
those higher pitches over our lifespan.
It's twofold, right?
You have a larger aptitude to start with
and then your decline isn't as dramatic.
Yeah.
Now remember, this doesn't mean
just because you are a female person
that it is your destiny to have babies.
We're talking about evolutionary influences.
The reason you can hear the way you do
is for many reasons in communicating with people.
However, it is true that female hearing is especially
attuned to a range of pitches that tends to be associated with human babies cries.
Most people who are biologically male around age 25 or so will start cutting
off the top range of the pitches that they can hear. It's not like you need a
hearing aid when you're 30,
but it's just that predictable slope
of that high end of human hearing, you start losing it.
It's just like an aging thing.
In the comedic punchline headline,
yes, your husband can't hear you.
No, I was literally, I was just about to say that,
like, oh, I think this is proving something
I've been thinking for a long time
when I'll talk with all these men in a room
and they aren't responding.
And I have thought, can they not hear me?
They legit cannot hear you.
It doesn't explain why they don't care.
Sure, that's a different-
That's just sexism and we've talked about how that's real.
I guess they can't care if they haven't heard it
in the first place.
It's so interesting.
So by middle age, most male people have difficulty hearing
the highest range of pitches.
Now, your voice is not that high.
Let's make it clear. You have? One of the weird things she did.
We don't know what happened between her and the mirror and her ears.
Complicated, complicated things which were a bit self-involved.
And so that can affect how well they understand certain sounds that tend to distinguish words
from one another that have those high-pitched features.
So like your voice is kind of thinner, tinier, a little more muddy to the average middle-aged male.
Ear is weird. I did not expect to find that out. Tell me about smell. How have women's smell evolved?
Olfaction. Smelling and tasting. So taste as if you ever had a cold, you know that your nose is
doing so much more. Female folk are better at smelling and tasting things than male folk on average.
So we're better at detection, that faint whiff.
We're better at knowing if someone's farted sooner.
That's a diffusion in the room kind of thing.
Think of those odorants, those molecules they're distributing into the room.
We're more likely of pulling out a unique scent.
We're more likely to be able to name it.
So that's a connection to a memory thing.
And we're also a little bit better at discernment. Is that a grapefruit or an orange I'm tasting? On average, these are
population-based things. But on average, if you have a body that is vulnerable, God forbid
you're pregnant or blessing that you're pregnant, however you feel about it at the moment. But
I mean in terms of whether or not you're going to eat a toxin, it's going to be that much
more costly if you eat the bitter almond. That's a thing. So aversion to bitterness would be useful if you're female. Useful if you're anybody, but certainly
as an avoidance thing. And then sight, I didn't know this until reading your book. Women generally
don't have color blindness. Really? The most common type of color blindness. Oh, the red is on the red?
The red-green thing. It's an X-link trait, so it's a mutation on your X chromosome. If you've only got one,
you don't have a balance with the other mutation,
and so you're more likely to get it.
My husband asked me all the time for the red blanket.
It is brown.
It has never not been brown.
It will continue to be brown for all of time
until the world burns down.
But no, he can't tell the difference
because he can't see red the way that I do
because he's got a Y chromosome. Right, and that's just where that gene's passed along on,
having maybe no benefit or cost associated with it.
A really interesting thing is that in a mixed sex group,
it may be beneficial to have some people
with this colorblindness and some people who don't.
So if you are foraging for nutritious extra green leaves
or berries or whatever the hell,
I don't know, whatever monkey you are and whatever you eat. And it's dawn, so it's a little bit dim.
Those who are red-green colorblind in that group are going to be slightly better at foraging in
those light conditions accurately, getting the right stuff, versus full light of day when those
who have color vision are slightly better at it. If I'm remembering that right, there's a fact check moment.
I'll send you the paper.
But yeah, so what's cool about that is now we have
not just like a cost story,
but we actually have an advantage story for sociality.
That having diverse bodies-
Group level evolution.
Benefits the whole group.
So he can't tell that that is definitely a brown blanket.
But-
But you may need him at 6 a.m.
If I were ever foraging for berries at like 5 a.m.
in some kind of forest canopy, yeah.
He could be really useful.
I'm better at climbing than he is, but yes.
So that's so like during the day you can
and then during the night he can, right?
Well, crepuscular, really gross word,
but if I'm remembering right, that is dawn and dusk.
So when the light dims.
Okay.
The sorts of primates that we are, our diurnal were awake during the day and they sleep at night, that is dawn and dusk. So when the light dims, the sorts of primates that we are
are diurnal, we're awake during the day
and then sleep at night, that's our deal.
But there are lots of us who forage right at the edges
of that daylight.
Certainly they all wake up at sunrise and they're hungry.
Exactly, and some of them can't see so good,
but weirdly it helps them in that moment.
Interesting.
Yeah.
Do any of these perception issues
create this night shift phenomena?
So this is something you point out in the book.
There's some predictable outcomes if women are working night shift versus men and what
happens?
It's hard on any human body to do a night shift, but it does seem to be the case that
female bodies are screwed a little bit more by night shift, especially in our reproductive
health.
People who work the night shift are just that much more likely to have issues with fertility
if they've got ovaries.
Now it's true for anyone, guys on the night shift are struggling to their sperm or swimming
in ways that are not as good.
There are different measures, but basically, un-good to work night shift, there's our blanket
statement.
But if you're female, and one of the things that's interesting is again, it might be weirdly
a liver story. So all of those thousands of the things that's interesting is again, it might be weirdly a liver story.
So all of those thousands of different genes that are differently expressed, many of them
are known to be associated with the circadian cycle.
So your whole body is tied to how you sense day and night, but weirdly there's like a
lot going on in the liver and also in your ovaries.
And then we also create our sex hormone at different points in the sleep cycle. But especially females have this estradiol.
Our main estrogen is circadian.
It has a different peak and trough.
Men are more likely to grab their production
falling asleep later.
It's not gonna take as big of a toll on them.
That's exactly right.
It's less hard for you to adjust.
Is this why there's new studies
that women need more sleep than men?
I think there's new studies
because we're finally studying women.
Yay, we like that very much.
But there's totally new studies
because we wanted to find out
why women were 40% more likely to be diagnosed.
We also wanted to know whether or not
we could help all these poor women on the night shift,
like nurses at hospitals, who are keeping you alive,
who are more likely to be women.
That's also sexism, but also that's a thing,
so let's fix it.
Yeah, exactly, here we are.
Legs.
Yes.
That's an interesting chapter title.
Why would we explore legs when we're looking at Eve?
Musculoskeletal system.
So the idea that we are the upright ape
that we walk on two legs.
Say bipedal, it's fun, bipedal.
So fun, isn't it?
Bipedal.
I love the word bipedal. Because it's like penis adjacent as. So fun, isn't it? I love the word bipedal.
Because it's like penis adjacent as a word or what is it?
Again, anthro major.
It's hard to find anything like bipedal.
It's a big deal.
I like quadrupedal is a fun word too.
Yeah, actually, I agree.
Locomotion is a fun word.
Yeah, yeah.
The idea that the brain evolved primarily
to orient the body and move it through space.
So locomotion's huge. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So bipedalism, yeah, a lot of the story of why we started to walk upright
had to do with these stereotypes of male behavior,
had to do with hunting, had to do with running stuff down.
But actually, what it really has to do with is endurance.
It's actually hard to keep doing this on two legs,
this walking across the room on two legs over and over and over.
That's expensive, it's difficult, it's bad for your back.
But it does turn out that female bodies
are slightly more geared, even in the basic cellular level,
in our musculoskeletal system, towards endurance.
So if bipedalism is an endurance story,
like being able to do it, I mean,
well then quickly it's a female story.
It's a very inefficient mode of locomotion.
The explanation I was taught was was as we were venturing out
from the trees into the savanna,
heat became a very big issue for us
and we reduce our surface area greatly by being erect.
Instead of your big back getting full sun,
you're getting partial and then, yeah.
And then even that explains male pattern baldness
to some extent.
Some people have, absolutely.
Does this lead into the fat?
You talk about fat a great deal in the book.
Let's start by that women have more body fat.
Right, so one basic principle,
we are among the fattest mammals on earth when we are born.
We are born as fat as a damn baby seal.
We are just chunky.
That's why we come out all cute with the roles.
I know you wanna pinch the rules
and that's that cute aggression.
Give me that chubby baby.
But the thing about those chubby babies is
why the hell are they so fat though?
You know?
So women's asses.
So this is gluteo femoral fat.
You can call it the good stuff.
I like mine.
I like mine.
I like it on others.
I'm a bisexual person.
So yeah, this stuff right here.
So your butt and your upper thighs and your hips,
you've got it too.
It's just, we've got more of it, right?
It's very distinctive sex typical distribution. So it turns out that it seems to specially store certain kinds of
Lipids those are long chain polyunsaturated fatty acids LCPUFS, but think fish oil think omega-3. We're bad at making it from diet
We're bad at making it from component parts. Our bodies can build some stuff,
but we're bad at building these long chains. We get it mostly from what we eat, and then we store
it up. So we mostly store it here in our asses, and it does turn out to be especially useful for
building baby brains and baby retinas. We need a lot of this ass fat to make baby brains, and in
fact one of the best predictors for when you might get your first period
is when you have sufficiently stored ups enough
of this ass fat hip to waist ratio.
That's a thing.
A great predictor.
I read this and I was like, ding, ding, ding.
That explains.
And as we heard from more gymnasts,
the explanation for the lack of the menstrual cycle
is a fat issue.
Oh, that's interesting.
But personally, I got my period very early
and I still don't have a lot of ass fat,
unfortunately, I want more.
But it should really work out.
Again, all these things are like grand indexes.
Yeah, no, I know.
Individuals are definitely going to violate these.
I think we should all be kinder to our bodies,
especially when we look in the mirror.
What we got is what we got, all right?
And it's just barely keeping everything alive as it is.
Do we need to criticize this ass for not assing enough?
Like surely.
I mean, yeah.
No, no, it's not like that.
We don't entirely know how obesity works, what is causal and what is a confound, you
know, like correlation, in other words, with a lot of the health measures.
We know puberty starting earlier.
We don't actually know why. It's probably a bunch of different stuff. However, anthropology major, it is
absolutely true that every well-studied hunter-gatherer group starts their periods later. You get your
first ovulation, your menarche, your first menstrual cycle, age 16 to 18 or so in all
of those groups. But your bones are still growing. It's not like they look like a 13-year-old
at 16, right?
It's not a delayed development thing.
The rest of your body's growing
and only then do you start ovulating.
What's weird about us is that we flipped puberty on its head.
Now we start monarchy
before the rest of our bones are done growing.
And ironically, inversely related to
when we start procreating in general.
Right.
So we were procreating weight later, but weight earlier.
And now we're starting our menstrual
cycle earlier and then having babies later.
Well, actually, I think it's a pretty good indicator that child marriage is very much
a modern thing in the history of our species, not ancestral.
Because if you're not even ovulating until way later, and your risk of complications
and death are way higher if you haven't fully gone through puberty before you have your
first pregnancy, well, then that means it's crazy risky
from an evolutionary standpoint to have a culture
that would try to knock you up before it's done cooking.
So what's interesting to me about it
is then these weird cultural innovations,
which I'm not fond of,
where girls are getting their periods young
and marrying young and having babies sooner
than their bodies are ready for
is not actually gonna be the norm in our species history.
That would have been experiments that rarely worked out
because it would have produced so many dead girls.
So actually it's really interesting and troubling
that we have our periods as early as we do.
Well then maybe eventually it'll go back to being a little bit later
because I think you're right.
The trend, I mean the trend in the last like 10 years,
like new.
Women are having their first child later
than they were in the 70s, dramatically so.
Yeah, wealthier women in the global north
are definitely having their babies later,
which is probably fine.
Does breast fat do anything for the child?
Breast fat seems to make the child less likely
to suffocate while hoovering milk from your chest wall.
Mostly that, as far as we know.
It may have deeply complex hormonal rules and do other kinds of stuff because there's a factory in here making the milk if you're a lactate in person.
We assume it's all involved somehow, but the actual like swingy feature, they are probably just making it so that our flat faces
don't have their nostrils blocked when we suckle.
Ergonomics.
Exactly, it's an ergonomic system
that some people find them attractive
is like a later useful add-on.
Tell us about menopause.
This is one we've been meaning to,
and we might even have one scheduled.
We do, but not for a couple months actually.
Monica read on all fours or just all fours?
All fours, yeah.
Are you aware of that book?
Did you read it?
Of course.
Okay, did you love it?
Of course.
She's hilarious.
She's so funny and I found it very poignant.
Yeah, so menopause is very much being brought up
a ton right now because of Monica's recent reading
of that book. Because of me.
It was in front of mine for me.
I'm thinking about my future and my ovaries.
Well no, actually it is front of mine for me too
because I live with someone who, that's on their mind.
But I'm 37, I keep saying that I'm in perimenopause
and then during the appointment today she was like,
you're not, she like kind of says something about my cycle.
She's like, you're still having periods?
And I was like, yes.
Tons of them.
I am, don't worry, it's fine.
Like I'm not stressed out, but I'm so stressed out.
But it is unique in humans that we live for so long yet.
The females are not fertile for half of that time.
Yeah, it's very interesting.
Tell us about that and what are the,
again, cost benefits of that?
Why are we this way?
I think one of the really smart things you're pointing out
is that the menopause story is a longevity story.
It's about living long enough past your ovaries still pumping out eggs. The whole story of
menopause is you're not dead yet, ladies. Congratulations. You just kept doing that.
And what I found really interesting about the menopause thing when I was digging into
the chapter is there's this hypothesis that's been around for a long time called the grandmother
hypothesis, which is that somehow humanity evolved to stop having babies because then the grandmothers
would have more free time to help take care of grandbabies. Slash reduced competition
for resources and mates with their daughters. My mom and I are not dating the same guys,
but I guess that could be a thing. But that's the central idea. But the main problem with the idea
is that it doesn't seem to be the case that our ovaries evolve to shut down early.
What seems to be the case is that our entire body, including in male bodies, evolved to live longer than before.
And the ovaries never got the message. They're still running the old monkey plan.
They're like the midbrain of the body.
Yeah, so that means that menopause is what they would call a revealed trait.
We started living longer. We're still figuring out how,
the rest of your body is aging more slowly,
but the ovaries are like, cool,
so we're doing the thing, then we stop.
And they stop around the same time, around age 50,
as is commonly true, they senesce, they age,
as is true in many other primate species.
It's just that we kept living past 50,
and that's the freaky thing.
That's the thing we're trying to figure out.
Your body's many things.
And what are the stages of it?
What's happening biochemically?
So somewhere deep in your body, if you've got ovaries,
just like a few inches up from your crotch,
you got your ovaries and they're going through their monthly cycle,
but they slowly start to have fewer and fewer follicles.
We're born with all the egg follicles we'll ever have.
That's something that grew in the womb. you slowly start to have fewer and fewer follicles. We're born with all the egg follicles we'll ever have.
That's something that grew in the womb technically.
The follicle that became you was in your grandmother's body.
That's just how that works.
It's so crazy.
Which is freaky, but there we go.
Then you're starting to run out of follicles
because you're losing so many every month
in this process called atresia, not just one or two,
but just like so many, just cycling through.
So then you start running out of eggs.
So then your hormones start to shift.
And the first thing you might experience
is that you might actually start getting
your period more often.
That's unexpected.
I know, it might just be that without that regular signal
from the ovaries about like the eggs getting ready,
or getting that follicle ready,
well the uterus starts dysregulating a little bit
and starts maybe cycling through the cycle more quickly.
So a lot of people will get their periods more often,
might get it a little heavier,
our hormones start to have fluctuations
in ways that we're not used to.
You're changing your cycle pattern of
how much estradiol you get and when,
how much testosterone, because we have that too,
is pulsing out when, how much of your progesterone,
all of your things are being affected by this.
And it's a balance thing, it's a cycle thing.
It's turbulent there for a while.
It's totally turbulent for a long time for a lot of people
and it is affecting the rest of your body too.
Some people more intensely than others.
And that can last for like a decade or like two years.
For the longer pattern,
it tends to be less intense,
symptomatically.
What's that mean a long?
Slowly, slowly, slowly your ovaries are changing,
slowly, slowly, slowly your follicles are running out.
Slowly your pattern of hormones is changing
and your body is adapting to that shift,
as opposed to like hitting you like a truck.
Right.
What are hot flashes?
Like what purpose do they serve?
I think they serve to suck.
Male adaptive.
Why we can't sleep.
I don't think that there's a situation
where a hot flash is adaptive trait
that gets selected for.
Well again, you've passed the point
you would pass on your genes
so that couldn't be rewarded anyways.
Any condition that comes post-reproduction
can't really impact the viability of that.
We agree on that.
Yeah.
Unless you have a socially interdependent species, because if you have a socially interdependent
species like us, people who live among one another, people who depend on one another,
well then post-menopausal people are integrated into that society and are vital for that society. So actually,
if they are suffering and if they don't do as well, it totally impacts the group.
You're going to be less good at caring for others, less good at your many, many roles,
if you suffer. So once we start living longer, it's beneficial to the group to have elderly folk
for a variety of reasons. I think it's probably more to do with remembering the rare ways you
need to survive when a flood
happens or a lion jumps out of the grass than like caring for your babies necessarily.
Yeah.
But the childcare is cool.
Or even just going like, let's sleep on this.
Yeah.
Wisdom, literally wisdom.
Let's take two days before we plan our response to this.
Yeah.
So I think there are many ways in which older people are integrated in our societies and
have value, but you're totally right in terms of that raw genetic reproduction thing.
The many ills of old age don't impact quite as much as like when you're taken out in your
twenties.
I'd love to just touch on love really quick.
It's a good one.
Yeah, that's a good one.
Yeah.
Well, we'll see.
Uh-oh, it's bad.
Love is bad.
Love is great.
Love is lovely.
It may be addictive. Love is lovely. Love is maybe addictive. Love is bad. Love is great. Love is lovely.
Maybe addictive.
Love is lovely.
Love is maybe addictive.
Love is lovely.
I love love.
Let's love love.
Tell me how love manifests in the two sexes.
Well, it's definitely not men are from Mars
and women are from Venus.
We all love complexly and weirdly and messily
and all of the ways that we love other people.
Some of which has to do with sex
and some of which frankly does not.
When I was writing the book,
which is about 200 million years of evolution,
I would still get questions from kind of everyone
about our mating patterns, our sex life,
how we go about loving one another.
Like everyone really wanted to know
what the hell I could say about that.
And in part, it's because this idea
of what is natural to us,
which is to say what was most common for us over deep time,
must be what we should then do,
which is definitely a bad idea.
We've done all kinds of things that are terrible for us,
but that's still why they wanted to know.
And for me, as someone who was doing research at Columbia
was in this authoritative space.
The story I kept hearing about mating
patterns in humanity was about prostitution.
Oh, do tell.
This idea that there was an ancient ape who was our ancestor and she traded rare food,
she traded meat for sex. Like you bring me the good food and I'll give you and that would
give a genetic leg up and that somehow this is the root of all monogamy.
The idea of the bread winner,
the idea of someone bringing home the literal ancient bacon.
I just had something that's really fascinating
about that tank is if you just look at bonobos,
they do a lot of sex, meat exchange,
and they're the most promiscuous of all of the great apes.
So you would only need to look at bonobos
and go like, well, that's got some flaws in it.
Not such a secret.
I think the idea that we are ancestrally monogamous
is, I don't know how often that happened.
It was probably more recent.
But people wanted to know, are we more like King Solomon
and his many wives, one dude, a bunch of females,
which to a primatologist, that's a gorilla.
Are we more like the chimps or bonobos,
just fucking everything in sight?
Enormous balls.
Yes, when we're back to balls.
Or are we like wolves, where it's mom and dad and the group,
because the alpha male is actually just the dad of almost everyone,
and that's why they're organized that way.
And so I was like, okay, we can dig into it, but we should look at the body.
Because we're a really culturally diverse species,
we have many different ways of behaving,
but we do know what bodies look like when they behave one way or another in other primates.
We're definitely not a lot like gorillas. There's not a lot of Kong in us, right? Because the dudes would be huge.
You know, sexual dimorphism would be more exaggerated.
Exactly. In every harem type species where you have predictive sexual exclusivity. If you have that leg up,
then you don't have to get much of a leg up.
Super interesting thing about hominin evolution is that actually over time,
if you line up the fossils,
you're actually watching the dude shrink and the females even out.
You're actually seeing a kind of evolution towards more sameness,
a move away from a lot of body dimorphism,
which is interesting because that can indeed be tied to mating patterns.
You're also losing your shofangs.
Well, we also have much more ways to achieve status than originally.
Precisely true.
So it used to be if I can walk in and beat the shit out of all 20 miles present,
I'm probably going to have access.
And as we became more organized in different things,
resulted in status, then that enormous body type
wasn't as advantageous and as costly.
Absolutely.
And it's so costly to build a huge body.
I assume you have to be fed so much
just to live through your day, right?
I eat a lot of protein.
Well, just any large body person does.
Yes, of course. There's just a lot to run that thing, man. It's a lot of protein. Well, just any large body person does. Yes, of course you have to.
Like it's just a lot to run that thing, man.
It's expensive.
Totally true.
But you also got rid of those shofangs,
those big teeth that we flash at one another
when we're male to like compete
and your balls are mid-sized.
You don't have to make that, well, not yours particularly.
Very jealous though.
Very ambious of the chimp over there on the show.
This is why men are talking to you about their balls.
We figured it out.
They come up, they come out, depends on your shorts.
Absolutely, so there's that general story
that the males are reducing their competition
with one another for the females.
And you also have a really boring penis.
You don't have a lot of whiz bang.
They're not curly cues.
You lost those penile spikes,
which also means it takes longer for you to have an orgasm.
Sorry about that.
The chimps have them.
You guys don't.
Penis spikes. I'm delighted about that.
They actually look like little polka dots.
Spikes is such an alarming word.
Yeah.
Like cats have them, cats have actual,
there's just so much wrong with cats.
Yeah, agree.
But in the humans in general, there's this huge story
where males are competing with each other less
according to our body traits
and also probably weren't all that rapey historically because we don't actually have a lot of physiological signs of sexual coercion
being the norm in our species. We have really boring, straightforward vag plans, really boring,
straightforward penises, nothing like a duck having that trapdoor vagina.
Now I'm jealous.
Did you happen to, in all of your research, come across this fascinating phenomenon among orangutans, which is they do get raped and they can select whose sperm makes them pregnant.
They're not sure how, but they have somehow selection within them and they generally won't
reproduce with the male that raped them.
Yeah.
I know orangutans are so weird among primates.
The women are up in the trees, they're on the ground.
They're so territorial, they're so much more solitary than other big apes tend to be.
There's just like a lot that's weird about orangs, but also the raping though.
Many apologies to your listeners who have experienced this.
We're talking casually about rape because in the animal world outside of humanity, sexual
coercion is super common.
And it actually does matter when we think about human sexual coercion to be able to
say, is this a thing that we were doing so frequently ancestrally?
Is this a big part of our story as a species?
And we don't have the physical traits that show that.
Is it a vestigial adaptation we're trying to mitigate?
Is this a behavioral snafu or is this in the plan?
And actually it does not seem to be very much in the plan.
That's a mating strategy for humans.
No, exactly.
And the opposite story's been told.
Oh, this is a way for males who have lower status
to achieve a pregnancy.
These are things that are told in lecture halls at Columbia.
But we don't have the physiological evidence.
We're not like an orang female
that is less likely to be pregnant
when she is not choosing her partner and is being forced.
Actually, the stats bear out
that it's the exact same likelihood,
whether or not you're choosing your partner,
whether or not you're saying yes,
which is to say this isn't the norm at all.
Right.
And then love, what did you land on
when asked to help everyone?
I landed on the idea that actually we have been on a long ancestral march towards sex equality
from millions of years actually. Not just even in our species but from hominins forward,
that's a big hominin story. We are more evenly distributing social power and physical power
across the sexes. So that's actually a big core of what we are, which I find powerful.
I was ready for it to not be that story, but the fossils bear out.
That seems to be the most convincing thing.
I also found that there are lots of different ways to go about loving one another in many
different cultures.
It does not seem to be the case that one way of loving people and making and raising babies
is the obviously most successful way.
Right.
Even the anthropologists of the 50s when they still had access to all kinds of still existing
hunting gathering populations, every version you can imagine was happening.
And mostly context dependent, environmentally driven, not hardware.
What we're known for is being flexible in our behavior.
Yeah, you can be in a way,
your diet can be 100% whale blubber
and you can have no cardiovascular condition.
That's interesting.
Yeah.
That's high flexibility.
Yeah, these bodies can do.
You put an American on that diet.
So many different things.
Now, I don't recommend living off whale blubber
if you don't have a profound cultural reason to be doing so.
You have 15,000 years of doing it.
Yeah, there's not that much whale blubber to go around.
Many reasons.
We have lots of different ways of going about being human,
and that was as true in our past as it is now.
This is fascinating.
Yeah, it is.
What questions do you have for me
from the book that I haven't gotten to?
You did a lot.
Yeah, I feel like this has been really fascinating.
Let me glance at my notes. I'm gonna pat myself on my back. You did a lot. Yeah, I feel like this has been really fascinating. Let me glance at my notes.
I'm gonna pat myself on my back.
I did a lot without holding my notes, which.
You know, sometimes Dax and I fight.
We have dust-ups.
Period.
But no, we debate a lot, and that's part of the fun here
is we have the leash to be able to do that.
But sometimes I push back to him about these differences
between the genders, basically. And it is good to be reminded, honestly, on the positive end of what these female bodies
do, the differences, why they should be looked at sort of independently, especially in the
medical field, and that right now it feels sort of scary to say that.
It can feel, it's like everyone's one thing
and we can't say anything other than that.
So it's good to have you here
and for us to talk about this.
I mean, gender's a mess, right?
It is.
It's just totally different gender than sex.
We haven't outgrown our sexual biology.
We haven't transcended it quite yet,
but the gender aspect is a social construct
that's up to lots of debate and roles. We've observed every kind of thing and every kind of existing
population that we've studied that's all there. Couldn't say one's right or wrong.
If anything, as a species, diversity is absolutely our strength. When you're looking at a monoculture
anywhere in any species, that is a more fragile, frail, brittle situation that's
gonna be more vulnerable to challenges than a more diverse population. Any
biologist will be like, yep I'll sign on to that for the most part, monocultures
are vulnerable. That's true behaviorally, that's true culturally, that's true us in
this room. I mean, gender's a mess. I'm wearing red lipstick today because I was
feeling feme. Some days I'm like, fuck off, I'm not feeling feme. I do know I'm not gender queer. Part of the way I know that is that I don't have really strong
feelings about my gender identity. Like I'm kind of neutral. It's never felt intuitively like a
challenge or a weirdness or a wrongness that my body is the way it is or that my gender is the
way it is. And that's probably one of the best clues for it. People that I know that are gender queer
tend to have really strong feelings about it.
Tends not to be a neutral thing,
tends to be a powerful feeling for them.
And they're probably the best authority
on what it feels like to be them.
Agreed.
Agreed.
Well, this is a kick-ass book.
It's very dense with a lot of science,
but it's laid out in a very approachable
and digestible layperson vernacular. So my
hat's off to you. Very few people can juggle both things at the same time. It makes sense.
You were first a creative writing major, so that holds. So I want everyone to check out
Eve, How the Female Body Drove 200 Million Years of Human Evolution. Awesome book. Great
meeting you. thanks so much
for coming in. Yeah, thank you.
Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.
Stay tuned for the fact check, it's where the parties at. I'm sure it looks sophisticated.
I wanna have a high level of sophistication in this one.
Oh, really?
Okay.
Then I wish I got the memo.
Okay, well this is fun.
This is our first video on the road,
us doing all of the stuff ourselves.
Yeah, normally if we are out of town,
we just do Zoom fact checks and it's really easy.
Could be easier, but we're both in New York.
We are.
Yes.
We sure are.
And we've already had Emily Burger twice.
We've been twice.
72 hours.
And we set, so the first one we had
was in the West Village 72 hours. And we set, so the first one we had was in the West Village.
Yes.
And we.
And this is a twisty and turvy story, really.
Because our very first Emily burger
was in Clinton Hill at Brooklyn.
Yes.
And at that time, the Manhattan one
made a different version of the burger.
That's right.
The Lay Big Mac, I believe.
Two patties.
Delicious.
No French onion soup on top. And it was good, very good. Now in Manhattan. Delicious. No French onion soup on top.
And it was good, very good.
Now in Manhattan, they have the French onion soup
all over it.
Yeah.
And we went night number one.
Good one, we picked that location
just because it was closest and we had to wake up early.
And it was the second best one we've ever had
after the first one.
Might've even been as good as the first one.
No, nothing.
It was so.
No, nope, I'm not gonna let you say that.
I couldn't believe, it's so funny to know you know
it's so good, but then even when you're eating it,
you're like, no, it's even better than the memories
even capable of remembering.
It's so good.
And then, so then we had to have it again.
We had to have it again after a very, very long day
of press, we went, we're like, we gotta go to Clinton Hill.
We gotta go to Brooklyn, OB, original burger. We took went, we're like, we gotta go to Clinton Hill.
We gotta go to Brooklyn, OB, original burger.
We took Adam, who's never had it, and we took Emma.
Yes.
So fun to introduce people to it.
Oh, I know.
But it's pressure.
It's like when you're watching people open
the present you gave them.
Or putting headphones on their head and going,
this is my favorite song.
And then you stare at them while they look.
People shouldn't do that.
I bet there's a word for it in another language.
I bet there's a word for that.
I bet the Germans have a word for that.
It was so good the first night.
I almost knew, well, there's no hitting that,
so I had appropriate expectations.
But we went back and there was a discrepancy
in the amount of French onion soup
people had on their burgers.
There was variation. It was variable on their burgers, there was variation.
It was variable.
You got, you fell, you got screwed.
Mine was on the drier side.
Yours was fucking drenched.
Mine was amazing.
Yours was drenched.
Adam's was a mess.
He was sometimes taking bites
and there was a waterfall of onions falling out the backside.
Oh, the dream.
When we went to the one in the West Village,
there was table there of people who had come from Japan
just for the burger.
And when we say they came from Japan,
like there were three people,
only one spoke a bit of English.
Their Japanese read about it, we found out,
and flew all the way there to eat it.
Then she asked for a picture with us,
because I was, of course, when the burger arrived,
I needed to know, was this their first one?
Yeah, you jumped in on their conversation.
You told them.
It's so exciting, the notion that they were about to.
And then I come to find out they had flown across the world
to have it, and it lived up to everything
they had dreamt of.
But then the woman took, one of the two
who didn't speak a lick of English
did ask for a photo with you and I.
And then I was very confused about what was going on
that led to a conversation where you told me
that's standard business.
People do get photos with strangers.
And I'm like, I'm so confused.
If they want a photo with us,
do they listen to the podcast in Japan?
Of course not, they don't speak English.
They just enjoyed our little interaction
and wanted a picture.
They wanted to remember the nice Americans
that sat next to them?
Yes.
That's a very positive takeaway.
They did not know the podcast.
Yeah, they probably didn't,
but it was very weird to ask, being a photo with them.
I'm just gonna glance at the camera like,
now I'm Ricky Glassman where I'm neurotic
that it's not working.
Oh no, it's fucking working like a mother.
Should I look now at this one?
Just sure, see if some red.
There you are.
Everything's good?
Yeah.
Yeah, okay, great.
Five minutes in.
Okay, so anyways, delicious.
And guess what?
I can't promise you I won't go back.
You might go back.
For a third.
Wow.
It's so good.
Wow.
I know you wanna go eat everything that's out there.
I do.
Pathetically.
I know, we are different in this way.
It's the addict in me.
It's like if I know one thing gives me this feeling,
I'm just gonna keep doing it.
It's too risky to see if another thing
will give me that same high of perfection.
But I guess I have confidence that the places I'm going,
they're all gonna give that high,
but just a little different, and then that's the best.
You're an optimist. Best case.
Yeah, I'm glass half full.
Yes.
Okay, so this is like our fifth or sixth video.
Yeah.
Fact check, whatever, it's like new.
Right.
And I was walking here from my hotel
and I realized, oops, I am not wearing any makeup.
Oh, well, the lighting in here is terrible.
Great.
So it's very blown out behind you,
so I think it's gonna be very forgiving.
But I knew this was gonna happen.
Like the first few, I was wearing full makeup.
I was wearing concealer.
Okay.
I don't usually wear concealer.
Okay.
But I was doing it for the cam.
Yeah, for the cam.
But I knew, I was like, you know,
how long can this really last?
You're not gonna find out,
but the comments are just flooded
with people saying how pretty you are.
It's like, the most resounding people saying how pretty you are.
It's like the most resounding feedback
is how pretty you are.
So that's nice.
Well, I think that's the concealer.
I don't know if it's the concealer.
I think your aura comes out.
And I think that's what people are attracted to.
What is your being and can I see it?
Even people were like, oh,
sometimes they don't think Monica talks enough, but then I'm watching and there's a lot of things it? Even people were like, oh, sometimes I don't think
Monica talks enough, but then I'm watching
and there's a lot of things happening physically
where she's like, she's visually quite involved
even if you're not hearing her.
Like some people were like, this explains a lot,
seeing this.
Yeah, you did send me a screen grab and the person said-
I curated a couple that I thought were safe enough
to send you.
Why, because there were mean ones?
No, they were all nice.
They're 100% nice.
Okay.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, someone said Monica's doing a lot of face acting.
Yeah, yeah.
Which I like that phrase.
Face acting.
Although when you're on set,
if someone says that you're like, you're in trouble.
Yeah, it's how it's bad.
It's like facials, cheerleaders.
Yeah, 20,000, just a bit.
But they're right, because after seven years
of editing our show,
I have learned it's not good for me audio-wise to say,
yeah, or, mm-hmm, or like do little chimes,
but I also need our guests to know that...
You're following along.
Yeah, and that I'm involved in participating
and hearing them and listening, active listening.
Active listening, that's the catchphrase.
So instead of vocal affirmation, I have to do face acting.
A lot of nodding.
Yeah.
What if I did facial and I was like.
Oh, if you did like a clinic,
you could buy your five DVD set to learn how to face act.
Is that what you're saying?
No, because in cheerleading, they call them facials.
Oh, okay. That's what they're called. I know cause in cheerleading they call them facials. Oh, okay.
That's what they're called.
I know, don't, it's not.
It's a regular word.
You just, some people made it gross.
Okay.
And it is like big smiles and like,
Dallas Cowboy.
Some people do this.
Oh, winks.
Oh, what was yours?
When I first started, so there was one girl on my squad,
she had the best facials. like she was so good then.
Yeah.
And I copied her.
Okay.
And then after tryouts,
they told us to tone down the facials.
They did?
Yeah.
That's enough facials.
There were a little much.
Okay.
So then I just went with like big smiles mainly.
Okay, which was, I guess you can't hear it.
No, I can't really, yeah I can't.
You gotta be in the air.
That's right.
Yeah, if I threw you in the air right now,
would you be able to hearken back muscle memory?
There was, we did a little photo shoot here.
We did, uh-huh, first day in town.
Yes.
We did a photo shoot.
And you showed off your big muscles. You held me straight out in one of the pictures.
In a very specific way,
the way a parent holds a baby out who's pooped their pants
and they don't wanna change the diaper
and they're handing it to the other parent,
that was kind of the vibe I was going for.
Oh, that was your backstory?
Yeah, yeah, it was just like,
I was holding you out in a very specific way,
like, uh-oh, she made a mess.
She made a doody. Somebody who has the dypes. Yeah, and I kind of, when I was just like, that was, I was holding you out in a very specific way, like, uh-oh, she made a mess.
Somebody took- She made a doody.
Who has the dikes.
Yeah, and I kind of, when I was up in the air like that,
I went into cheerleader mode.
It felt like it.
Yeah, I think I grabbed you around the rib cage,
and then you got very stiff and-
That's what you're supposed to do.
You have to get very tight.
Tight, okay.
Yeah, that's one like, if you're starting to get loose,
like it's like, stay tight, stay tight, stay tight.
Facial, facial.
Too many, too many facials.
Less facial.
Speaking of duty.
Yeah.
Why are you really telling on yourself?
You're like, no makeup.
I just fucking blasted.
No, I didn't say it like that.
Okay, what were you gonna say? But I did.
Okay.
Okay.
All right, what were you gonna say?
A couple of fact checks ago, next month or last week
or last year, probably yeah, in December 14th,
they, they, Dax and Monica, talk about a dream I had
with Hillary Clinton.
Yes, where there was a little bit of duty
in a bathtub she had used.
Yes, and I couldn't get it out.
Yep.
And you said, maybe you have anxiety about the trip
and having to poop.
Yeah, poop in hotels.
Maybe in front, like me or you.
Yeah, yeah.
And I was like, huh, no, I don't think it's that.
Right.
So you obviously did a spell.
Well, first of all, you walked to this hotel
from your hotel.
Yeah, it was about a 22 minute walk.
And those kind of walks, you find out sometimes like,
oh wow, I think Jack Black was sharing about it
very openly.
That's right.
About being on his wogs, getting his steps
and having to step into the Vista movie theater,
buy a ticket, take a dump, watch five minutes, bail.
That's right.
So you obviously on the way here,
you're like, I'm gonna have to go.
I knew, I've known for like two hours.
Oh wow, that much of a heads up.
Yes, but so, you know, I maxed out as I do
and I was staying at one hotel
and I moved to another hotel this morning.
You did the same.
Yes.
And because of the new hotel, my room wasn't ready yet.
Yeah.
So I just dropped my stuff off.
And you would have at that moment probably evacuated.
I would have, that's right.
Okay.
But I was like, it's fine, I can hold it.
I've been holding it, it's fine.
Yeah, I'll just wait.
And then on the walk, it was like,
I don't think it's fine.
Like, I think I gotta go.
Yeah.
And I was gonna go in the lobby, but you insisted.
You already felt surveilled.
Yeah, I did.
Because they did ask if you were doing my hair
when you rang up.
They did, I went to, yeah, I went to the.
I thought that was flattering though.
It is flattering.
Yeah, yeah.
I told him it was flattering.
Hair girls are always hot.
Yeah, and they're cool.
And hair boys are always cute.
Yeah.
I went and I said,
Hi, Monica Padman, I'm going to room,
I say the room number.
And they said, who are you here to see?
Wait, what'd they say?
Who are you here to see?
Oh, to see, right, right.
And I said, Jack Shepard.
Did you whisper it?
Uh-huh.
And then they said, okay,
and then they called you.
Yes.
And checked, confirmed my identity.
And I said, is my hairstylist here?
That's how I answered the phone.
I need a haircut so bad.
And then he said, he hung up.
Haircut?
Oh, wait, now I'm gonna fucking blow a whole, wow.
No, no, no, I got confirmation.
I got confirmation.
But, okay, continue.
Okay.
Because now I'm hearing it phrased that way.
I'm actually thinking, oh, he knows you
and he thinks you got a haircut.
Yes, okay.
Which you just got a haircut.
I know, okay.
And he might be that good, continue.
I went through a lot, all this as well.
You did.
Because he said haircut and at first,
I had, at first I had no idea what he was talking about.
That felt like a
Real curveball. Toretic thing.
Curveball.
And it was a left curveball.
And then he, I said, what?
And he said, haircut?
And I was like, uh, and at that point,
I did think, I did just get a haircut.
Maybe he listens to the show and he knows about my haircut.
Did I talk about my haircut?
So all this is happening and I'm like,
I think I'm like, I'm face acting.
Okay, but not necessarily what you want
to be face acting.
Yes, and he goes, oh, I just like to guess.
And then I was like, oh, about what I'm doing here.
And he said, he said, yeah.
Okay, so scratch my.
I got confirmation that it wasn't that he knew me.
And I had to say, oh no, we do a podcast together.
Okay, good, did you say a popular podcast?
Yeah, and I told him about our deal.
Okay, great, great.
So he's all completely up to speed.
So maybe we gained ourself an armcherry.
I hope so.
I'll hit him hard on my way out.
And I did say that's very flattering.
Hairdressers are very cool.
You did?
Mm-hmm, I did say that.
Oh wonderful.
You had a 20 minute conversation.
There was a walk to the elevator.
Where you almost pooped your pants during that long dialogue?
You were feeling?
I was feeling pressure.
Yeah, okay.
But long story short, you came up here and in quick order,
you bombed the bathroom.
I went to the bathroom.
Yeah.
I'm going on what you've said.
I have no idea what happened.
I just know you said, do not go in there.
Yeah, so you're not allowed to go in for the rest of the day.
That's off limits, eight in eight hours,
you could go in there.
Yeah.
So, I don't know.
I think you put a curse on me.
Okay.
And you planned this somehow.
I inceptioned you.
Yeah, and then because it all came true.
Right.
And actually normally, I don't know if the odor was different
or if I'm just so hyper aware because I know you're around.
That's right.
There's no way for me to know.
Yeah, you can't know what you don't know.
But to my knowledge, that was not regular.
Okay, uniquely aromantic.
Pungent.
And so I did, and then you asked if you could go pee.
Yeah, well I had to.
I should have thought of that before you went.
Yeah, we should have thought this through.
I didn't really map it all out.
I was kind of distracted with setting up the cameras.
You covered your face with a shirt.
Yep, my Italian dinner jacket.
You're getting tanned.
I had worn a bunch.
Right, so it you worn a bunch.
So it was, it was punching as well.
Yeah.
At any rate, what I'm dying to know is,
so last night I left that dinner,
when it concluded, cause I had to go to the View.
This morning. This morning.
And then you and Emma went out.
We went to her wine bar.
Not the one that was recommended.
Yeah, yeah.
But that's not hers cause she had never been, right?
No, no, she had been-
She can't talk cause her's a dog.
You're having a hard time following.
Okay.
I think because-
Too many talk shows in one day?
Yeah. Okay.
You've been up to a lot.
I have.
Emma has a wine bar here in Brooklyn.
Uh-huh.
And-
Oh, she brought it up. Adam said, oh my God, I've just heard of this twice.
Yes.
And one was from a super cute boy.
That's right.
That Adam and I had met earlier in the day
at someone else's podcast.
Yeah.
Was he there?
Well, the hard thing is I wasn't there,
so I don't know what the person looked like,
but I think I would have known based on your description.
I was gonna say, we basically,
as if you were a police sketch artist,
described his complexion, the tone of his hair.
Yes.
Short, stubble, dark, very, very cute.
Yeah. Very cute.
I didn't. I said, like if Marky Mark,
and I'm talking about Marky Mark, not Mark Wahlberg.
Right.
Pure sensation or whatever it was.
Feel it, feel it. Calvin Klein.
Well, yeah, but feel it, feel it.
Good vibrations.
That hit song.
Yeah.
If he had a dark, he had dark hair and a dark beard,
and more olive.
Dark complexion.
But that very boyish vibe.
Is that the boyiest boy to ever exist, Marky Mark?
He has such a boy vibe.
Yeah.
Yes, he does.
Biggest boy vibes, maybe.
Well, what else?
Which is not to be confused as best boy award.
No, please don't confuse that.
I mean, Justin Timberlake in Sink Days
is also very boy vibes.
He is.
He is. Very boy vibes.
But also veering into Pretty Boy.
Marky Mark was like a boy. Right, but you don't play Marky.
He's like playing with Tonka trucks.
Oh.
You know, has some shit streaks in his underwear.
In his Calvin's bags.
He's always in a hurry,
he doesn't, he's gotta get back out and play.
He doesn't take as much time as he should.
Anyhow, that's a sidebar.
That's alleged, that's alleged.
That's alleged.
So you went to the wine bar.
Yeah, he wasn't there. He wasn't there. No, but it was very cute. Was the alleged. So you went to the wine bar. Yeah. And. He wasn't there.
He wasn't there.
No, but it was very cute.
Was the super hot guy you had seen earlier in the day
that you regretted not going up to him
and telling him he was hot there.
No, but I have kept my eyes peeled for him.
That would have been incredible.
I know, that would have been such a meet-cute
and it would have been a sign.
Cause now you could go up to him and go,
oh my God, I walked by you earlier today
and I really regretted not telling you.
You're so attractive, it's offensive.
Is that the line reading?
Okay, so let's just tell people.
So I was walking down the street and there was a man there.
Normally, and I just talked about this on Sync'd,
so if you listen to Sync'd, you probably already heard this,
so sorry for the repeat,
but I normally am in such a zone when I'm walking.
I am not paying attention to others.
I am not someone who's like on the prowl.
You're trying to stay upright.
Like you're concentrating on your walk.
I'm in my own head.
Like I'm doing my own thing.
I'm thinking about fashion.
Ruminating.
Yeah. Yeah.
I'm closed for business a little bit when I'm walking,
which has been, I've been trying to change that.
And I'm not gonna break up old stuff, but you're kind of closed for business a little bit when I'm walking, which has been, I've been trying to change that. And I'm not gonna bring up old stuff,
but you're kind of closed for business a lot,
not just walking.
Okay, go on.
No, that's it, I've already told you that.
Well, no, I think you need to go on.
Well, like, even if you're not walking,
you're in an elevator bank, you're not like-
Oh, sure, that's what I'm saying.
I move around the world closed for business.
Exactly.
Yes, that's right.
That's all we agree on that.
That's great.
Okay.
When we did Monica and Jess, actually,
so that was so long ago.
Yeah.
We had somebody on, I forget,
who was talking about this and talking about,
I think it might've been Harry.
Okay.
Talking about signs and that like,
I just need to turn on basically my like-
Vacancy sign.
Exactly. Yeah. So I think I did turn on basically my like. Vacancy sign. Exactly.
Yeah.
So I think I did that for like a week and then I stopped.
And so I haven't done it since, but I was walking down the street and there was
this guy and I was like, kind of snapped you out of your clothes.
He was, it was so strong that I like couldn't help, but notice how attractive
this guy's and he, he wasn't, like what do you picture?
What do you think I saw?
Yeah, that's a great question.
Well first I just have to say self-servingly,
that's the kind of attractiveness I'm always coveting.
Where like you stop somebody,
like whatever they're thinking about,
you smack them in the face with your hotness.
And that happened.
This guy pistol-whipped you with his hotness.
His essence.
His essence.
Yeah, I wanna know what you think you.
Well, we're in New York.
I have a whole stereotype about New York.
New York's generally, for me,
it's like the stereotype is more Italian, more dark,
less blondes out here than LA.
So, I mean, the smart part of my brain's like,
well, let's go back to high school.
That's really where it's all starting.
So does this dude look like a quarterback or something?
Richard Eccardy type?
Yeah.
But then I'm having to match that up
with the Italian-ness I have.
So an Italian quarterback.
Okay. Okay.
He was blonde.
Okay.
He was tall, kind of like lean,
like he had like a tennis player body.
Wonderful.
Also the US Open's going on.
I know.
Maybe, just maybe he was a tennis player.
Maybe, just maybe.
He looked young.
Okay.
Which is also was kind of surprising for me
because I, that's not normally my type.
Right.
I mean, I don't know how young.
I mean, in my wildest dreams.
16, 17, is it?
Ew.
Yes, of course.
In my wildest dreams, he was like 32.
Okay, but maybe 29.
Is that what you're saying?
Yeah, he could have been in his 20s. Okay. Totally fair game for you, but maybe 29, is that what you're saying? Yeah, he could have been in his 20s.
Okay, totally fair game for you, but continue.
And he was just very attractive.
He was just posted up, like letting people take a look.
Well, he was like kind of on his phone.
He was obviously waiting for someone,
probably his wife or girlfriend.
And probably another blonde person.
And I think he saw whoever he was meeting.
Like he was like looking up and he like kind of smiled out.
Oh God, was it great?
Yeah.
Yeah, like when Brad Pitt smiles,
watching her cross the road in the car
and once upon a time in Hollywood.
Or is this like a, no, this is ICU smile.
I got it, it's a different smile.
I wanted it to be that smile.
You wanted it to be coy, but it wasn't really coy.
It was ICU, yeah, hey.
Yeah. Yeah, okay.
He's doing his facial.
Yeah, yeah, but he had a perfect amount of facial,
it wasn't too much. Right.
Anyway, I kind of started to smile
and then I felt self-conscious.
So then I kept walking and I got to my restaurant
and I was standing, I had to wait in line for a second.
While I was waiting in line, I thought, why?
Like I wish I had just said, hey, hey, you're,
I'm sure you get this all the time,
but you're just so attractive.
Yeah, great delivery.
Have a great day.
Yeah, that's great.
So that delivery is fantastic.
That's gonna work.
But oh, I know, were you-
I didn't have any goal.
Right, you just wanted them to know.
Yeah.
I love looking at you.
Yeah, like you-
And I would do that longer tonight over wine or spare ribs.
However I gotta look at it.
Or spaghetti or a burger,
because I'm high-gold. You want a blind team?
I'll watch.
Were you having any Alana Glazer flashbacks
of when she was saying she was posted up in the park
and she saw her now husband walk by and then,
cause I, when you paint that picture, I'm like,
that's right, that's how New York works.
You can kind of just hang in the park
and rock eyes with somebody, play a little cutesy wootsy
and then pop over to a wine bar.
Like, do you feel like it's easier here?
I feel like it's easier here.
Everyone's just moving about.
I don't think anyone's going anywhere in a hurry.
Everyone's just kinda fuckin' strollin' around.
Okay, I don't know if it's easier when you live here.
I don't know.
I mean, when you're on vacation, everything feels-
A little heightened.
Yes, and it does feel like no one has anywhere to go,
but also-
Because you've got nowhere to go.
Exactly.
And the reality is,
I probably want to be with someone
who does have somewhere to go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it's so weird.
But just not on that day.
You want to catch them on their one-off day.
Yeah, not in that moment.
Yeah.
Okay, so who was at the wine bar?
Was it fun?
Yeah, it was fun.
It was so cute.
I mean, we didn't talk to anyone.
You didn't.
Any hot guys?
I didn't see any.
You didn't?
Mm-mm.
Okay.
But it was cute.
And apparently there's a serial killer in Brooklyn.
Oh.
So he could have been there.
Oh my God.
I could have just missed him.
I wonder if it's a handsome one.
I wonder, I wonder.
Apparently there's been body parts now.
Serial killer ding ding ding.
We talked about serial killers
the whole ride to Brooklyn yesterday.
Yeah, we did.
Specifically who in our friendship circle
would be most likely to be in it.
Yeah.
No real consensus, but some overlap.
We made some decisions sort of, yeah.
Okay, and then I think something that would be fun
to hear about is that you're going to a fashion show,
which I think is really as good as it gets for you.
Yeah, it's really exciting.
I'm very, very excited.
It's for Susan Alexandra.
She's an incredible jewelry maker,
but also like bags, really fun, beaded, very cool.
She's very cool.
And she's doing a collab with Rachel Antonoff. What time is that?
I need to look.
Yeah, it's today?
No, it's tomorrow.
Oh, phew.
Oh my God, I would not, I would be panicking.
I'm like, you haven't looked and it's today?
What are you planning on looking at?
That's so unlike me.
Okay, okay, okay.
That's safer.
And yeah, I'm really excited.
So I get to go, I'm going with Elle Magazine.
Oh my gosh, and then you're writing an article.
I am, oh.
I almost threw up there.
Oh, on camera.
I'm in that zone where for three days
I've been doing interviews nonstop
and blasting some caffeine.
Oh sure.
And on hyperdrive and then belching occasionally.
Have you ever belched on-
Camera?
Yeah, like on camera on one of those shows.
Or have you ever farted?
Not on the show, but I meant to bring this up
because when I was watching without a paddle,
and maybe I hope you saw,
I don't know when you were in the shower or not.
I saw it.
When I climbed the rope up to the tree house.
Yes, and you had told this story
on Armchair Anonymous once that you farted.
Quite loudly.
Because I was exerting all my strength
to climb this really tall rope.
Yeah.
And it was dead quiet.
Yes.
And it was just a loud fart at everyone's ear level
because my butt was in the air.
And then I got to the top and I said my lines
and then yelled cut and then I said, gang I did fart.
I want everyone to know I know I did.
And there was a humongous laugh,
the kind that tells you yes,
that 100% of the people there all present heard that fart.
Look, I did watch that part and I knew it was like,
oh, this is when that happened.
You remembered.
Yeah. Oh, good.
It's so funny what happens when you're not,
like when you look back in time,
because I had so much empathy for you.
Right, first movie.
Yeah, and you looked so little
and to know you farted in front of everyone
like really kind of broke my heart actually.
Sure, and someone had to volunteer to climb the rope.
You know, they wanted one guy to go up the rope.
And of course I'm-
But I imagine you being like very eager.
Exactly.
Yeah.
I'm like, again, back to the thing.
Like, I don't know about the acting,
but I think I'll take this job.
Climb a rope, does that acting?
Climb a rope and fart?
Yeah, so I did.
That's the most obvious fart I think I've had
other than when I farted on Liz.
That was so like, oh, we gotta talk about this immediately.
Oh, well sure.
But that one was, that was like on your property.
That feels a little different.
Sure, home court sure. But that one was like on your property. That feels a little different.
Sure.
Home court advantage.
Yeah.
Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.
Okay.
This is going gonna sound weird. I obviously have empathy for you now,
but it's different when you look back at your friend.
I'm less sympathetic now.
No, that's not true, that's not true.
It's just when you're around someone all the time,
like you're in a mode,
like you're just in a mode with someone,
but when you see them like as a baby or something,
it's like so sweet.
And it felt like my child,
I was like watching my child on screen.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah, and my child farted.
Yep, in front of everybody.
There's a moon shape, the crew was in a moon shape.
Everyone had a perfect,
I got perfect equidistance from the sound.
Everyone got a good hear of it.
But I can see where I'm less compassionate now,
just in general.
That makes sense.
That's not the right word.
Like it would be harder to have compassion for me now.
No, not for me.
But back then, like, you know I didn't know
what I was doing.
I was in over my head.
But if I knew you then, it would be the same.
I'm just, it's just, it's just looking back.
Okay, it's just the age thing.
I bet in 10 years, if I watch this video.
Right.
I'll be like, oh, my child is.
Set up some cameras in this hotel room.
Yeah.
Try to do the best he could.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, that's fair.
So you have to write that.
Yes, I have to write it.
You have to write it really quickly. I do. So they have to write that. Yes, I have to write it. And you have to write it really quickly.
I do.
So they have a series called Front Row Virgins
and someone goes to their first fashion show
and then writes an article on it for Elle.
Is everyone in the front row a Virgin?
No, just you.
No, it's just the person writing the article for Elle.
Yeah, I mean, I'll ask.
Yeah, maybe there's multiple people on their first time.
Yeah, it's exciting.
You wanna put those people up front
because they're not over it yet.
Do you think I'll do facials?
Yeah, you must.
Yeah, face acting.
Yeah, you got to.
Luckily you've been practicing.
Are you gonna wear concealer to that?
Definitely.
Okay, full hair and makeup?
I haven't planned anything.
Okay, we'll just move on from that.
I have not planned, I haven't planned anything. Okay, we'll just move on from that. I have not planned, I haven't planned well.
All right, well, this is for Kat.
Oh, okay.
We learned a lot of interesting stuff.
Was there one huge takeaway that you've been repeating?
I mean, I love the part about men can't hear high pitches
as they age, Because that tracks.
It tracks, it's really funny.
I mean, I feel like I don't even like having that out there
because now they'll just say like, yeah.
Yeah, and they'll be like, oh, it's just my jeans.
Well, and I'm going to be honest, I think it's both things.
I think it's nature and nurture.
I do think, yeah, I think it's a mix.
I do think you file these noises you hear nonstop
into the background, everyone does,
and then add on top of it an actual,
there's a range cutoff.
But more and more and more, you're with me.
More and more and more, in fact,
when we were doing our photo shoot,
I wanted this to be one of my photos,
because this is me half the time in public.
I cut my hand behind my ear to increase my ability to hear.
Right.
Very often.
Don't you notice I did that last night at dinner 12 times.
Oh my God.
I felt like everyone was whispering.
Why is everyone whispering?
Oh, that's probably why you didn't understand the thing
about Emma and the wine bar.
Yes, it was probably in a Hertz register that I can't hear.
Wow, no, well, that's funny that you bring that up
because there's somebody else in my life
who's a little older who I've noticed recently.
I'm like, what's going on?
Like, why can't you hear anything?
I'm a man.
Yeah.
Jazz?
Yes.
I think we're the only two old men in your life.
I do think he's getting like,
but he also has some hearing,
he has some hearing stuff already he's had for years.
Sure, sure.
But I do feel that it's increasing
and to hear that about you, I mean, yeah.
Well, it's not getting better.
That's a certainty.
Yeah.
Yeah, mine's getting worse.
My eyes are getting worse.
Yeah.
I wonder if there's any benefit to it.
Like there's all these changes
that seem to happen to everyone.
You get a little calmer, right?
You care a little less about what people are gonna say.
All these things, but then you also wonder like,
is it just because everything's getting dimmed around you?
So you're not even reacting as strongly
because it's like the info's coming in a little muted
and dulled down.
Yeah, that could be.
It's crazy.
What if I just start whispering
and see if you can start, I'm just like, I'm testing.
Well, I can read lips though.
Oh yeah, because you were deaf.
Yeah, that's right.
Okay, so do men ignore symptoms,
like do men not go to the doctor basically?
Right, I mean Adam was just telling me.
Sweet Adam, he's had one checkup in the last six years. That's bad. I don't ever talk to a woman He's had one checkup in the last six years.
That's bad.
I don't ever talk to a woman who's had one checkup
in the last six years. No, yeah, that's bad.
That is bad.
Yes, men are less likely than women to seek medical help
and there are many reasons why.
Traditional masculinity, some men avoid the doctor
due to traditional views of masculinity,
such as the idea that quote,
taking it like a man means not acknowledging pain.
Yeah.
This is the AI overview, I will say.
Okay, and AI is male, so it's gonna be skewed.
Yeah, fear of bad news.
Sure.
Men may avoid the doctor
because they're afraid of hearing bad news.
And again, it's compounding.
So you haven't been in so long.
Yep.
And now you're like, I know now when I go.
Some things definitely weren't gonna be wrong.
Yes, I've been ignoring this.
Yeah.
Okay, stigma of being weak.
Men may avoid the doctor because they don't wanna be seen
as weak or emotional.
Men may not see a doctor because it's not on their radar.
I don't know why that would be.
Well, the only thing I could imagine happening,
I'll be delicate about this,
but my male friends are never talking
about what doctor they have.
Right.
Or some doctor appointment they went to
or a new great facialist or a new great anything.
So I guess in that way,
you're not even hearing about it either.
Yeah, I guess so.
When Kristen finds a doctor she loves,
A, she probably found out about it from a friend because they were talking about it. In fact, I guess so. When Kristen finds a doctor she loves, A, she probably found out about it from a friend
because they were talking about it.
In fact, I know the doctor she just started seeing
is from two different friends.
Oh, okay.
And they were talking about it.
Although that is different with hormones.
Well, yeah.
And also pap smears and stuff.
Women do, there is a reason to have to go to the doctor.
You need to go to the shop a little more often.
We do have to.
Get your oil changed, yeah.
And especially women who have children. Yeah, yeah. And especially people, women who have children.
Yeah, yeah.
So I guess that's part of it.
Yeah.
Okay, don't talk about health.
Men may be more likely to talk about current events,
sports, or their job than their health.
That's what you just said, basically.
Oh, wow.
Did you write this?
What if you found out I was AI today?
Yeah, no, I have no.
Oh, hey, what?
Why is that so preposterous?
Why is it preposterous that I'm artificial intelligence?
After you said that, you made such a human face.
Oh, I did.
My face betrays me.
Me too.
We have both said that we're like least likely
to be AI, me and you. Yeah. We're not AI. We have both said that we are so, we're like least likely to be AI, me and you.
Yeah.
We're not AI.
We're not AI.
Unless the AI is so good that they've done the job
of like putting in human flaws and complexity.
Okay, in doubt, in insecurity.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
Like that's very human.
You can't have an insecure AI.
But then if they really wanted to be human,
like they would.
Yeah, they seem to have figured out to make mistakes though.
Right. That's interesting.
Okay, this one I think is correct.
Think they are healthier than they are.
Okay, sure, they feel fine.
Men may think they are healthier than they are, that's sure, they feel fine. Men may think they're healthier than they are,
that's the same sentence.
So arrogance.
Yeah.
Okay, I knew we'd find a pejorative at some point.
But anyways, men go to the doctor.
Yeah, I was already on that campaign for years,
urging men to go get their prostate looked at.
That one in particular, you gotta go get it looked at
because every male gets it virtually.
Yeah, by the way, it's like going to an OB.
It's our pap schmear.
Yeah, well, smear.
I mean.
Uh-oh.
I feel like I don't know what it is.
It's a schmear.
No, don't call it that.
It's a schmear.
Speaking of, I think the outfit I'm gonna wear
might be a sweater with a bagel on it.
With a what on it?
Bagel.
Oh, a bagel.
Yeah, with schmear.
Oh, fun, a New York bagel. Ding, ding a what on it? Bagel. Oh, a bagel. Yeah, with schmear. Oh, fun.
A New York bagel.
Ding, ding, ding, New York.
Okay, the number of calories burned to produce milk.
Mm.
Okay. Yeah.
And this is just to produce.
Yeah, it's a boatload, I think.
Okay, it says each ounce of breast milk
takes about 20 calories to make.
Each ounce. Each ounce.
So if you pump 20 ounces of breast milk daily,
you burn 400 calories from producing breast milk.
Yeah.
It's pretty crazy.
Yeah.
I wonder how much is diluted.
Like I wonder if 40 ounces or 20 ounces of breast milk
also is exactly 400 calories.
Oh, I see.
I doubt it.
Probably not, cause that would be 100% efficiency. But I do wonder how much calories are burnt to 400 calories. Oh, I see, I doubt it. Probably not, because that would be 100% efficiency.
But I do wonder how much, like,
calories are burnt to make calories,
what that ratio is.
Yeah, that's a good question.
Okay, which animals.
Okay, what's the question?
Which animals lay eggs?
I think the only mammals that lay eggs
are the duck-billed platypus
and they're called like matrinals or something.
They have an interesting little sub.
Lay eggs and live birth, okay?
This is from National Geographic.
Okay.
Reptiles, about 15 to 20% of the 9,000 known species
of snakes and lizards are live bearers.
Oh. Common garter snakes.
Oh, I always thought it was gardener.
What is it?
Garter.
Oh, I thought it was gardener snake.
Yeah.
But this is national geographic.
They would know.
They know common garter snakes, for example, birth live young while
pythons lay eggs and guard them.
Live birth is also rare in fish,
accounting for about 2% of known species,
including guppies and sharks.
She mentioned sharks.
In some sharks that bear live pups,
the mother produces egglets that are not fertilized
and the babies are feeding on them while in the ovary.
Ooh, cannibal.
Cannibal lector.
The sand tiger shark or ragged tooth shark,
a live birthing species.
So sorry, it just occurred to me,
did they name him Hannibal Lector
because he was a cannibal lector?
I mean, I think so.
It's supposed to make you think of cannibal.
I think. I never even thought of that.
You didn't?
Because there's a famous Hannibal from history.
Oh.
And I thought it was a reference to that Hannibal,
which he was mean, as I recall.
Maybe.
From a history.
For a second.
But now cannibal lector sounds.
I mean, I always thought that was it.
Yeah.
But it also feels on the nose and cheesy.
Yep.
So maybe it's your thing.
Okay, as for the mammals, only two types lay eggs, but it also feels on the nose and cheesy. Yep. So maybe it's your thing.
Okay, as for the mammals, only two types lay eggs, the duck-billed platypus and the echidna.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
E-C-H-I-D-N-A.
And their nutrients, what are they called?
Does it say?
Okay, after a three week pregnancy,
the short-beaked echidna of Australia
makes a nursery burrow where she lays her egg
directly into her pouch, incubating it for 10 days
until it hatches into a baby.
The female then feeds the baby with milk
for another five to six weeks
before she leaves the burrow to forage.
So she's like a marsupial.
Yeah, that's what it sounds like.
Live bearing is common in some amphibians,
but more unusual in others.
Live birth.
Anyway, that's kinda cool.
I prefer live birth if I was an animal.
I wouldn't want to be handcuffed and tethered to my nest.
I have too much wanderlust.
I need to get up and move around.
I have too much wanderlust. I need to get up and move around.
I know, but also you have not,
neither have I, but you have not been pregnant.
No.
And I don't think we know the toll.
If they would prefer to lay an egg
three months into the process.
Yes.
And not have, I mean, it's a lot on the human body.
Yeah, I suppose it's woman to woman.
I certainly know lots of women
who wouldn't trade that experience.
Me too, yeah.
It was a wide range of people I know
who love being pregnant and who hated being pregnant.
Yeah.
She said edgelords of medicine
and I didn't know what an edgelord was.
I don't either.
Okay, an edgelord is someone typically on the internet
who tries to impress or shock
by posting exaggerated opinions or statements.
So most of the internet.
Yeah, there's a lot of edgelords out there.
Edgelords unite.
But I didn't know about that.
A person who affects a provocative or extreme persona,
especially online, typically used of a man.
Edgelords act like contrarians in the hope
that everyone will admire them as rebels.
Interesting.
That seems like a trap I could fall into.
Try not to.
Yeah, I'm off of Twitter, so.
Yeah.
I don't know what my outlet would be.
I guess the comments of people's posts.
Yeah, and I guess here.
Yeah.
This pretty big platform.
I think that's pretty much it.
I mean, I watched Chim Crazy
and we could talk about it for 14 hours,
but maybe we wait until.
Next.
Next episode or maybe in two episodes
because we'll have watched more.
Yes.
And that will be an episode
where we first learned about Chim Crazy.
So then we can talk about that on the factor.
Okay, great.
And then if you're in the audience, if you're an arm cherry,
maybe this is a heads up to binge it.
So you can be part of the conversation.
We ruined the whole show for Adam yesterday.
We went basically scene by scene.
We went scene by scene
because every single scene is worth talking about.
I know.
Every single scene is worth repeating.
And we told him the whole thing.
Hopefully he just doesn't remember any of it
when he's watching it.
I think it'll still deliver.
Trigger, cause it's hard to watch.
It's not an uplifting doc.
No, and there are a lot of feelings.
And you're not, I'm not sure who you're rooting for
a lot of the time. I don't know that there is, well And you're not, I'm not sure who you're rooting for a lot of the time.
I don't know that there is, well, you're rooting
for the chimps. For some people's perspective,
they'll be very much on a certain side.
Of course.
And then there'll be other people, by the way,
who are on her side.
Well, I think protecting the chimps is probably
the way to think about it, but that is gray.
Yeah, how does, you know, exactly, how and in what manner
and how much grandstanding is a company in that,
you know, I don't know.
Yeah.
That's where it gets a little murky.
Oh, it is wild.
Please watch that and join us for a little
chimp crazy recap.
I do wonder if this gentleman, what's his name?
Something Goad, G-O-O-D-E, I think is the director.
Oh.
Because he did Tiger King.
Tiger King, yeah.
I wonder, will we get one on everything?
Will there be like elephant person and, well,
that's misleading because of Elephant Man,
but you know what I'm saying, on every kind of animal.
Like are there crazies collecting every kind of weird.
Well, it seems like there are.
Yeah, yeah, it certainly pulls in a type.
Yeah, elephants do seem like that would be very difficult.
To own.
Yeah.
And keeping your home, yes.
Although chimps, I mean.
I would rather roll the dice with an elephant.
If I had to live with one.
Me too.
That grew into adulthood.
They're more docile.
Yes, now, although the teenage elephants are terrible.
They are?
Yes, they get kicked out of the group.
From Springa?
Yes, they get kicked out for quite awhile
once they're teenagers.
They're not to be.
Because of hormones?
Yes, because they're turning wild
and they get booted and then they come back when they're calm.
Oh my God.
They just kind of roam.
Look, whatever, no one should have animals.
This is so crazy at all.
Domesticated dogs, domesticated cats, which are tigers.
Like we've decided that that's fine, it's all bad.
I'm on the record.
Oh my God.
Saying it. Oh my God, you're telling every pet owner. That they're bad. Yeah, I don't think you are. I all bad, I'm on the record. Saying it. Oh my God.
Oh my God, you're telling every pet owner.
That they're bad. I don't think, yeah,
I don't think you are.
I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, but wild exotic animals, yes.
Yes, I agree.
I think we do have to acknowledge
the coevolution of the dog and the human,
which is very well substantiated in science.
Yeah. But they are wolves.
So it's nuts, and then also it's kind of cute.
Like we're like, yeah, we want to live
with these animals in our house.
It's not my desire, but there's also something kind of,
what's the fairy tale, Sleeping Beauty.
Yes, and like sort of Alice in Wonderland.
Actually, that's weird that you brought that up.
I thought that the other day,
I was walking down the street at home and I was like, oh my God, life is so weird.
We're just like walking amongst little things that are
flying.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Creatures, like we are walking amongst creatures.
It's really-
They're everywhere.
It's really bizarre.
I got a picture this morning of a hawk sitting in my pool. Oh, wow.
Yes.
Your dad?
Wanted to go for a swim.
Oh, that's sweet.
I guess he was pecking at the water
and walking around on the ledge.
That's sweet.
Yeah.
I had aimed to become friends with a crow,
but it's leaning more likely
that I'll befriend this hawk, I guess.
Okay, but nope, nope, now you're turning.
Now I'm there.
Yeah, you're turning.
What if I have a hawk on my shoulder going forward
that I coaxed from the backyard into the studio
with a line of chicken meat.
And you know what will happen, it will eat me
and then you'll be like, oh no, that's what happens.
That's how it, you know what I'll say like all animal,
that's how they say they love you,
by biting your nose and clawing your face.
Literally eating, I mean, the show,
there's some really traumatic events
that you like are privy to with these chimps and humans.
Yeah, I think I said it,
I don't think there's anything worse than a chimp attack.
It's about as bad as it can be.
Because they don't have a knockout punch like a tiger
or a lion. They eat your face.
They eat you alive, yeah.
Okay.
Animals are bad.
Well, this was fun.
Yeah, this was fun.
I like this.
Live from New York.
Live from New York.
It's our chair expert.
It's Saturday, it's Thursday night.
Yeah.
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