Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Christina Applegate

Episode Date: March 25, 2024

Christina Applegate (MeSsy, Married with Children, Anchorman) is an actor. Christina joins the Armchair Expert to discuss why she doesn’t like to take instructions, what growing up in the same neighborhood her whole life was like, and how she felt about receiving mixtapes. Christina and Dax talk about how she was in a commercial as a baby, why she loves watching reality television, and her attraction to punk rockers. Christina explains how she feels about people joking about addiction, why she wanted to start a podcast around her MS diagnosis, and why people like to watch other people fail. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Buck Minister and I'm joined by Lily Pad. Buck Minister. Yeah, that's the street that Ken Kennedy grew up on. You know the famous story where he got pulled over as he's 16 and his Mustang and the cop was being very aggressive to him. And he came up to the window and he's licensed

in registration and he looks at his license. He goes, you have any idea why I stopped you this evening, Mr. Buck Minister? No, he read, no. He read. Buckminister? No he read it? Yes he read it as the street. The street. Mr. Buckminister. Oh my god that's great.

That's so good. Today we have Christina Applegate. Christina Applegate is a beloved actor that I've been loving since I was a child. She's an icon. She was a child. She is an icon. Married with children of course, the sweetest thing. Anchorman, she fucking holds her own

against all the heavyweights, it's impressive. I got to know her personally on Bad Moms. And then of course, Dead to Me was so fantastic. And she has a podcast out right now with Jamie Lynn Siegler called Messy, M-E-S-S-Y. Capital S on that, which we get into. We do. So check out Messy.

We should say, this is the third field trip. I know. In like. Three weeks. In three weeks basically. We basically have a mobile operation now. I know. It's been kind of fun.

I'm resistant to it but I like getting into a different environment. We're not trading in the attic or anything. No. But it was good. Yes. To get out. Yes, so from Christina's bedroom, please

enjoy Christina Applegate. Trip Planner by Expedia. You were made to have strong opinions about sand. We were made to help you and your friends find a place on the beach with a pool and a marina and a waterfall and a soaking tub. Expedia, made to travel. This NBA season, make every three pointer alley oop and buzzer

beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gamling Palm, call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca We will make sure everything's quiet for you guys. We're in a construction site. If you had come to my house, there's a bobcat right now in front of the house going back and forth, back and forth. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, and we were just recording.

You can hear it. My daughter will stop playing piano in a moment. Tell her to take her time. Sounds beautiful. All the animals will be locked up. Housekeepers will be fired, and everything's gonna be fine. Sadie's gonna have to stop. I feel bad, but she's gonna have to stop playing piano.

Okay. How old is she? 13. Wow, she's so good. She taught herself how to play piano in the last month. It freaks me out. That's crazy. Yeah.

She just started playing piano a month ago by herself. No. Yeah, she YouTubes it. No. And goes down and just starts playing songs. Whoa. Wow, this kind of perhaps settles an argument we're having in the household.

Kristen, of course, would, I need to come up to you. I can't hear. We can't hear a goddamn thing, Rob. Oh boy. Oh boy. All righty then. Fuck, Rob. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk,

talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. How long are you gonna say talk for? That's the most people I've cast. And so Rob, and so Rob, oh, okay, that's me, Rob. That's me. We can go down here. Oh, okay, that's me, Rob. That's me. We can go down here. Oh, I just spit all over your mic. Don't worry.

Okay, now who do you need? Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. Okay, sounds good to me. Yeah. Okay. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. You sound dynamite. Fuck, fuck, talk, fuck, talk, fuck.

Okay. The argument in our house right now, it's not an argument. Of course it's very important to her that they learn instruments and we make appointments and we take them and they don't practice and they don't want to do it. And I'm kind of of the opinion like people who play instruments, you couldn't have kept them from playing those instruments. These kids we knew growing up, they were in their fucking room with a guitar for 12 hours

and your daughter, she's just doing it, right? Yeah. So I've lived through this because I was that mom when she was younger, she was in dance. I was a dancer. So that was the most important thing to me in the entire world was that she was a dancer. Yes, of course. You are going to dance and soccer, piano, singing, all the things. This poor kid got so burnt out and then hated all of it. And then all of a. And then all of a sudden, she didn't want to do nothing.

So I just said, okay, you're not going to do anything. She actually was really good at dance, didn't want to do it. She was terrible at soccer, not going to be Mia Hamm, not going to happen. I was like, we're good with that. Piano, she didn't want anything to do with it. I actually would take the lessons. The teacher would come and then she would just like- This is exactly what Kristin would do.

... fuck off. And then I'd be like, no, I'm learning Bach. And just recently she taught herself how to play piano. She's taking cello lessons once a week. She's in the orchestra at her school. Instigated by her though, right? Her. That's the difference.

Like I had to take the talents out. Recently with schoolwork and stuff like that too, I was told by other moms, they're like, stop it. Let her fail because she's 13. And I was like, I can't do like, stop it, let her fail, because she's 13. And I was like, I can't do that. I can't let her fail. You'll have failed, right, if she fails. Well, yes, that ego of let's be perfect.

So now, yeah, she goes down basically every single night and plays piano for an hour or two and teaches herself songs. No, we just walked in and my guess would be she's like year four of lessons every day. No, she's never had a piano lessons every day. I thought it was... No, she's never had a piano lesson except for... The ones you forced on her.

At five. Exactly. Now she's 13. But now she goes down, she's like... She's playing all this stuff and I'm like, what is happening? It's really lovely. Yeah, it sounded like when the piano, you just put it on a setting and it just plays on its own.

Oh, right, right. Like an automatic piano. Oh, she sounded like a fake piano? Yeah. That's awesome. That's the ultimate compliment, she sounded like a fake piano? That's awesome. That's the ultimate compliment. You sound like a fake piano. I think I'm going to tell her that you guys said that. Yes, do.

I think she's going to be really, and she loves it so much because it's the one thing that she doesn't have a lesson for. Right. Like, cello is a lesson. Were you somebody that liked being instructed or did you like figuring things out on your own? I have like a nickname from my last job, which is called, no, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. No I know, I know, I know, I know, I know.

Don't even, you don't even need to tell me, I know. Which has annoyed mostly the male directors that I've worked with, but my female for Dead to Me, they got me. I would make fun of myself and I'm like, I'm sorry. They couldn't even get across the entire set and I was like, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, got it, checked in. I'm super similar that way.

I hate receiving instruction. Anything I know how to do, I kind of just figured out. Other than taking classes at the growlings, they did teach me all the rules, but my own vanity, because I'm younger brother maybe, do you have siblings? I have half siblings and we were not raised together. I already knew this.

So let's just say that. You knew, you knew, you knew, you knew, you knew. Well, just like siblings and we were not raised together. I already knew this. Let's just say that. You knew, you knew, you knew, you knew, you knew. Well, just like I'm embarrassed I just asked. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know. I just did it real time. No house living or growing up together and we text. Yes. But I love them with all my heart.

I have a new nephew and he's so cute. He's so Applegate. He is. It's like Applegate knows. But then he has this amazing chin, dimple. Dimple, so cute. We're not fully blood, my brother and sister and I. Dad had a second family, basically, right?

That we didn't know about. Oh, you didn't know about? No, that was a joke. Oh, man. Would have been so juicy. I know. No, my dad left when I was three months old. My mom and dad separated. And then he met my stepmother in Big Sur in a tree. Like at Esalen or something?

At Ventana. Okay, is that the scene? No, no, no. What's the restaurant? Ventana is the hotel. And then there's like the restaurant-y thing. It's kind of like a hippie spiritual. She said she could feel something.

And she came down and there was this man and she said, "'Are you a Scorpio?' And he was like, "'I am.'" And so that was in 1971. They're still together. Yeah. That's pretty impressive. We're veering off, sorry. That's the that was in 1971. They're still together. That's pretty impressive. We're veering off, sorry.

That's the goal. Oh yeah, we're all over the place. Okay, yeah, no, that's, you should listen. Our podcasts, sorry, our podcasts are not competing in any way. Although they both share the messiness. Messy, yes, but we're like messy. It's not like MS-y.

I mean, we talk about the MS-y. Oh, is that a slang for MS? Oh my God, seen our logo. I did see that the S was huge and I didn't put it together. Okay, well now, okay, dumbass. I feel so stupid. You kind of seem a little... I need instruction. ...fucking words that I shouldn't say.

But that's kind of our jam is that we don't have a plan. Okay, I feel so stupid I didn't pick that up. And I honestly thought... It's subtle. ...someone had a typo. Someone accidentally capitalized the S. Oh no, that was my idea to put the big M and the big S. It's good.

It's me, dyslexia, it's whatever I can blame. You have so many issues, I know. I know, yes. It's a bit of a miracle I'm here. Myriad issues. Myriad of setbacks. Oh, I have to say something to you. Sorry, I'm gonna sidebar.

Okay, so I'm gonna start to laugh so hard. Kristen and I, we did a movie together and I love her and she's amazing and I love you, but the first time we met, you don't even know that we met. Okay. Excited. It's such a good story. I'm so excited.

I can't wait. It's not long, but I'm gonna make it long because that's what I do. I pontificate. You tell stories like Kristen where she's like, I went to the grocery store yesterday. You know where I went to elementary school, right? It just keeps going back in time.

Yeah, I try to hold it back. I said to someone the other day, that's a lot of answers to questions I didn't ask. So let's break it back down to get to the point period dot. Okay, so your beautiful wife was in hair at the Hollywood Bowl. Oh, yes, it rained, which was weird.

Not the night that I was there. Oh. I did not know her yet. We had not done Bad Moms together and my friend Rhett George was in the show and he was the only cast member who refused to take off his clothes, which I love him for his integrity,

but also I was like, come on Rhett, you know you've got a big schlong. Anyway. Let's see that big old sassage. So we were going backstage to see Rhett and Kristen and you were in front of us and you were playing security guard and you literally shoved me into a wall. Wait a minute. Yes, you shoved me into a wall. You're like, get back.

No, get back. Oh my God. There is no way I shoved a into a wall. You're like, get back! No. Get back! Oh my God. There is no way I shoved a woman, especially you. Me and my husband, Martijn. I might've shoved your husband. No, you shoved both of us. As if I was gonna try to get a piece

of the cloth of her clothes. Oh, she does get very protective. But I'm like, really, dude? We're going to see Rhett George. Oh, I would've hated me. I don't mean to get over yourself. No one's trying to talk to her. We were not pleased with you, but I look fondly on it

and I laugh because you were really protective and that's kind of beautiful, but you were like, get back, everybody. Oh, oh wow. It was like a crowd, like as if she was Beyonce or something. Not to say that Kristen. She's not Beyonce. No.

She's not Beyonce. I don't know people that need security. Taylor Swift with the things. But it was like the arms were going back and I was like, fuck that dude. Anyway, I love you though. Well, hold on though, before we move on. Okay. I'm of course having a hard time reconciling that story with my image of myself.

So let's just start there. But secondly, no, no. Secondly, I'm sorry. heart. No, no. Secondly, I'm sorry. Truly. It's okay. I must have felt like a lot of people were trying to get her or something and maybe I overreacted.

I laugh about it now. You know, of course in the moment you're like, this is such a good show. Oh, I would hate me. No, but there was a lot of people. It was very crowdy. I get tense when there's too many people. Her dressing room was to the left, I believe, and Rhett George was to the right. I was just trying to get to my friend Rhett George.

I didn't know your way through that time. I was just like, I wanna get to Rhett, who did not take off his clothes. That's all I wanna do. You need to get in there and tell him you should have taken off his clothes. Well, I kind of love him for not, because I saw butthole that night.

Anus. Anus? Majores. Anus. And we were really close. We were like in a box, and I was like, should have bleached that. Groomed.

Yeah, no. There was a big butthole in my face. Okay, so what I know for sure is that I clearly didn't see it was you because obviously I'm an enormous fan of yours. Always have been. And I feel like we've met before that because I think I came up to you and talked about Louie. That's a fun subject.

We don't need to talk about it, but it just so happens that I happen to know a dude from the program that had dated you forever. He at one time was my sponsor. He also proved to be crazy in many ways. Louie, I'm sorry that I'm laughing that you were a sponsor. So I thought we could bond. Like maybe not be a sponsor. So when we met, I was excited. I thought we could bond over the notion that we had both been wooed by somebody and then perhaps Maybe shouldn't have trusted the person so much and I remember that being our first conversation is me bringing up Louie I apologize for me thinking that was the first time I think it's just the time that stuck out if someone shoved me I would remember them for well

I remember everyone that showed Martina and I were like we just got shoved like physically assaulted just now by Dax Shepard physically and I were like, we just got shoved, like physically assaulted just now by Dax Shepard, physically. I'm flattered you even knew it was me. Of course, well, you were with your wife. I know who you guys are, your pretty eyes. Well, then how would you rank our experience while you guys were doing Bad Moms? Cause I'm enamored by you.

I think I was shining as bright as I could to get your affections. Oh honey, your wife is golden. I could thank her for a lot of things, not only just being an exceptional human being, a great actress, but also what you guys did for our kids and the public. We cannot thank you enough. Wow.

Thank you. I had a baby girl at that time. You're a year and a half ahead of us. Yeah. You guys had a baby when we did Bad Moms, I think. Yeah, we had both. I was down there in New Orleans with two little tiny ones. And I had my tiny one.

Everybody was there. Mila had the baby and it was really, because it was a movie about moms. And people always ask me, where was your inspiration for your character? And I was like, pretty much everyone at preschool. Yeah, yeah. We're going there. And I'm going to expose you. That's what's happening.

And the funny thing is, when Sadie ended up at her elementary school, I was on the board of... It's so ironic and so gross, like I gross myself out about this. I was on the healthy eating committee and went to every room one year to talk about the foods that we were not allowed to have in the school. And this was after the movie. And I didn't make the connection that I was like that dick parent who was like, you know, at the birthday parties that we have here, can you please not bring sugar? I will provide vegan muffins and skewers with pineapple.

Oh my God, that's really funny. I want to throw up. You're a unicorn in that you're actually from here. That's kind of rare. Not even from here, like within one mile radius of this house, which we will not say where it is, but I'm pretty sure people know. Yeah, I've never lived outside of this neighborhood.

One mile. No way. No, never. Did you go to that little elementary school? I did. No. Yeah. Okay, so your mother was an actress and a dancer and these things. She was not a dancer.

Okay. That's okay. Do your research. Well, I blame Wikipedia. And dad was a music producer. He was A&R. He found Billy research. Well, I blame Wikipedia. And dad was a music producer. He was A&R. He found Billy Idol. Well, not found Billy Idol.

Gen X was Gen X, but then my dad was vice president of promotions at Casablanca. So a lot of the people that came out was like Billy Idol, Donna Summer. And did you have the coolest record collection of any kid? Yes, and I still have them. Fuck. No, I still have them.

With the thing that says for promotion only. Yes. They're in my garage. Oh, I would love that. Cas the thing that says, for promotion only. Yes. They're in my garage. Oh, I would love that. Casablanca had the very coolest icon. It was like an Arabian landscape. There was palm trees. It was very cool.

I think it might be. Morocco. Casablanca. Yes. Well, of course. I just thought it was like Malibu, but now you're blowing my mind. Okay. I used to stare at those albums that my father had and just stare at that image.

It's a very memorable one. Well, my dad was the president of promotions at Casablanca for years. So you had unlimited tapes and cassettes and shit growing up. Well, no, at first it was albums. But we're the same age. At some point, tapes were the thing. Right, but my dad wasn't there anymore. But Sadie and I were talking about tapes today and I said, you know what a cassette tape

is? She goes, oh my God, yeah, mom, I have a cassette tape of belly eyelash. Oh, she put out a cassette? And she goes, but god yeah mom I have a cassette tape of belly eyelash oh she put out a cassette and she goes but I can't play it and I said you can because guess what your mother has a cassette player you know it'd be great to give her a Walkman oh my god I went down a rabbit hole two weeks ago thinking you know as a kid I really wanted this expensive Walkman with auto reverse but we couldn't afford one and I'm like you know what I finally have enough money I'm gonna get one and heal that.

So I was just shopping for them. They're so cool. They are, but then there's the thing with the tape. Then the thing comes out and then you've got to like, it just gets ruined. The tape comes out. The tape comes out and it's just a disaster. It is, it is.

My whole childhood was just a disaster. Writing a book about how bad that part of my childhood is. The tape era. Yeah. Put a pen in it, put it back in. You had to refurbish it. Yeah, and if someone did like a,

what do they call them? When you give someone that you love a thing. Mixed tape. Mixed tape. You're fucked. Oh yeah. Once that little guy goes out, then you're like.

And that was your symbol of love, that you're in love. Oh, what a time. Aren't you delighted with the era we grew up in? Mixed tapes. Are we delighted by that? I am. I kind of like the creature comforts of not.

I can go on my thing and just play a song. I mean, obviously things have gotten easier and easier, but we didn't know there wasn't anything easier. We didn't know. Yeah, the fact that there was auto-reverse, it would automatically play the backside of the tape without flipping it over. That felt impossible.

Like that's just saved me hours of my life. So everything was getting better the whole ride. But I think there is something still like, we might have the last cute phase of 50s childhood where you had these trinkets and these stupid things. Now everything's digital. Nothing's really happened. The little dumb thing you look at changes. But we had different mediums and stuff that we were going through. I was talking to someone the other day and they're like you romanticize being Gen X and I'm like I

don't think that's what's happening. I think what we're trying to say to this generation now is your paper cut doesn't mean shit. Right, yes. It's kind of a little soft. Because when we got a paper cut, our parents were like, yeah, we're gonna go to the bar. Have fun with that. If they were even around to complain about the paper cut, my mom was like working all day.

No one was there. Yeah. I was walking home from my school at eight in the rain. Literally, I was that guy. I walked a mile from school in the rain, that thing that people say. I legitimately was walking home, and if I didn't get molested by the weird rock stars

up in the canyon, it was a good day. Yes, yes. Sorry, I know that's really grim. No, no, but. Also gonna be in the book. Also very 80s getting molested. I was molested. Very 80s, everyone I know in the. I was molested. Very 80s.

Everyone I know in the 80s was molested. So 80s. So 80s. Tell us that you're from the 80s without saying you're from the 80s. It's really 70s for me. I think that was when... The prime. Yeah, diddling.

Yeah. Why aren't you so nostalgic for that time? By the adult peeps. Yeah. Couldn't they find some? Okay, anyhow, that was fun. You acted for the first time at three months old in a commercial. I love it.

You were a baby. Yeah, commercial and I think a soap. I can tell you exactly the process. Well, can you tell me because I really don't know. First was Playtex baby bottles at three months old. Oh yeah. She spits up less. That's what my mom said in the commercial. She spits up less. That's what my mom said in the commercial.

She spits up less. And it was my mom holding me and she was so beautiful. Oh, that was your mom as well in the commercial. Because you were on days of our lives with your mom as well, right? Same era. Same month, I think. Same three month old baby.

Yeah, I guess we can tell exactly what the timeframe was. You were three months old and both. And then by tenure in movies. So I'm just curious, mom obviously acted. Is it something that, back to what we were saying about trying to get your kids to do something versus they just wanna do it, there's nothing you can do to stop them.

Where are you at on that spectrum when you were little? I just had to. And then once I started making money at three years old, I started making a lot of money. I was doing radio commercials for Kmart with Josh Richman. Do you know Josh? He used to walk with the K. The K, I totally know him.

Yeah, he's friends with everybody. Him and Downey are best friends. Yeah. Yep. Oh, fuck. That's okay. Wait, you're gonna love this. You're gonna love this. It's Ed O'Neill calling me right now.

Oh, my God. Ed, what's really funny. You should answer it. Sorry, I didn't turn my phone off. That's okay. We don't care. I've never met him, but I just watched his Finding Your Roots episode,

and I concluded we would be fast friends. Because he was very violent when he was younger. Then he came here, turned his whole life. He probably shoved some people. Yeah, he and I talk almost every day right now. No kidding. Yeah, we do. I'm so sorry I didn't turn my phone off.

Oh, it's fine. That was a fun pop out. It was. It was a little Eddie. What were we talking about? Okay, so I started doing these commercials with Josh Richman, who everyone knows and I love him to death. From age three till I was seven, we were called Mr. and Mrs. Goof Proof. And it was when Kmart started doing the photo thing,

you know, get your photos done here. The first place that ever did it. We got like Cleo Awards and stuff. And I made a shit ton of money. And my mom was like, Coolio, I don't have to work anymore. Did you know that you were making a lot of money? I was three. Okay.

Three to seven, I made so much money that my mom bought a house as an investment, which we never lived in. But then I ended up living in it when I was 17. I moved out when I was 17. Into a house you had owned since you were three. Three. Seven. No, we bought it when I was seven. I lived there you had owned since you were three. Three, seven, no we bought it when I was seven. Oh my God.

I lived there for three years and it's behind the country store in Laurel Canyon. So this is pre-Kugin account or post? Post. There was money set aside. Some small percentage. It's not much, right? I mean, mom, I love you.

I was the only one making money. You were the primary breadwinner. Yes, and still. Also in the book. Uh. Uh. Yes. Also in the book. Do you have a moment that you remember it switching to something that you very much wanted to do? I mean, of course, for me, I really want to know that when you were unmarried with children,

you actually wanted to and were excited. Maybe not. Okay. So my brain's going through a lot of visuals. I always had to do it. And then when I was 13, I said to her, I don't want to do this anymore. I want to hang out with my friends.

I want to make bad decisions. I want to do all the things. And she goes, OK, I'll call your agent and say no. And at that time, my head was shaved. You were making some statements. Oh, I had eyeliner that had crosses on it on the side. Like, I was that guy. We were both punk rockheads.

Smoking cigarettes, listening to The Cure, freaking out. The Smiths? Yeah. Psychedelic Firs? Yes. Susie and the Bunches? I loved, loved Susie. Okay, we're good.

I would have flirted with you. We would have had sexy, sexy, sexy. Aw. It was all shaved and then, you know, like a little bit of hair. That was weird. There's footage of it in pictures somewhere. It's in the book, it's in the book. So she goes, I'm going to call right now.

And I went upstairs, a 750 square foot row house. That's where I grew up, very tiny. I'm sorry, New York, that is a mansion. Sure, sure, sure. That's a freaking mansion. We don't have to qualify that. That's a lot of room for a 13 year old. It was a row house.

You had to walk through bedrooms to get to other bedrooms. And I got really panicked. And I came downstairs within like 20 minutes and I was like, don't call her. I'm good and From that day forward at 13 years old. I have not stopped working until becoming disabled. Honestly go on my em Did the that's what I call it the em de be that's what everyone's calling Yeah, I am DB for anyone who doesn't that isolate the whole mentality of this fucking business

But doesn't that isolate the whole mentality of this fucking business right there is like you don't wanna do it, the second you do it and it occurs to you, you might not ever get invited back, you're immediately like, oh, no. But it wasn't about being invited back, that was home. That was your identity. And it's been, and that's what I'm dealing with now,

taking that out of my life and probably not being able to work again, going, who am I? Right? Right? Who the fuck am I? Thank God you had a child, Right? Who the fuck am I? Thank God you had a child, right? Oh my God, I'd be...

She's my get up in the morning, and she's my go to sleep with hope that I get up in the morning. And now I'm like, what am I supposed to do? I've grown up on a set. And that sounds creepy. It sounds really child actor-y, but it's not about that. It's about the camaraderie and growing up

and being professional and loving people and enjoying humans. Well, it feels good to be good at a job, any given job. When you're good at it and you get to go to a place and people trusted you and you deliver, that's a very rewarding, esteem building experience. I was not good. I was terrible. Go watch this crap.

Terrible. No, no, no, no. That is not true. No, no, no, no. I didn't know comedy. I thought comedy was for douchebags. I was such a serious little 13-year-old. I was like, no, I'll have to do drum.

And then I made a career doing this. Oh, that's my dog barking. That's okay. That's one of two dogs that you have. They greeted us at the door. The menage. The menagerie. So let me ask you.

So I'm in a different situation, which is I moved all the way across the country to be here for eight years. I had just moved. Can we, hold on. Yeah, we can pause. I wanna pause because this can't. Okay, this can't continue.

We can just give her to someone. Give her a steak covered in ambient. We can probably just let her out front, right? And see what happens. Yeah, this seems like really friendly territory for a tiny dog up in the mountains where the coyotes run free. They're on my property right now because the mudslides from the river storm thing. Half my hill came down all into my pool.

I know, stupid people problems, but pool all the way up in mud and could come down on the house. So now the fence that we had up there, they just come down, they can smell the animals. I just texted Rachel to say that. We too have them in our yard. We might have to snuff the dog out. I could take out my anger against my own dogs on your dogs.

Cool. But back to me. Yeah, of course. You're a shiver. I'm a shiver, forever known. I'm not gonna get canceled after this interview, but you know what, it's time. It wasn't like a male to female.

You didn't know, you were just like, get back. Everyone get back. I know we have talked about what you were talking about, but it's so relevant. We were on a plane flight the other day, and there was a guy being rude to the flight attendant. Very. And Dax, I could see he was starting to spiral out about needing to protect this flight attendant. Yeah, as one should. As you should, but also... There's a cheap shot, but when you watch your mom get beat up by step dads,

it ain't happening on my watch. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna attendant. Yeah, as one should. As you should, but also. There's a cheap shot, but when you watch your mom get beat up by step dads, it ain't happening on my watch. I understand. Fuck it.

Hate me. You agree, you see that. Watch my mom go into a coma from the same thing, so. I got you. It's gonna be in my book too. Yeah. This is a thick book. I hope I have time. It's gonna be a thousand pages.

It's actually something I'm working on. So all the things. Me too. Oh good. We're at the same spot in life, by the way. And that's the point I hope I have time. It's gonna be a thousand pages. It's actually something I'm working on. So all the things. Me too. Oh good. We're at the same spot in life by the way. And that's the point I was about to make. Go ahead, Monaco, I cut you. No, but you had something, then she cut you off. Yeah, I know it's me.

But she's entitled to. Okay, good. That's nice. I was just gonna say that you gave him an eye of like, I see you, I see what you're doing. He kind of stopped. And then after you decided to look him up, because you had the thought, oh shit.

We were coming back from South by. Was it a femme person? That's what I call them, femme us? It wasn't. Fam adjacent. But we were happy to see, it was like, oh fuck. What if that's like. I had moderated a panel for Amazon

that night in South by Southwest. We get on the plane, this guy's a fucking asshole. I look at him and I'm like, I see you, you're a fucking dick. and I'm staring at him, he goes, hi, and I won't answer. I'm just staring a hole through him. And then he goes, you were so funny at the panel last night. And then I went, no, no, then I went,

oh fuck, he's high up at Amazon. I just kinda shit the bed and pissed someone off that had basically brought me out there to work. So then I'm spiraling for the whole flight. He's one seat in front of us. He opens up his laptop. I see his name. I panically write it down.

And then as soon as we land, I look him up. Thank God. And you would have guessed it. He's a fucking lawyer. The point is you just don't know who you're dealing with. You don't know who you're shoving. You don't know who you're staring at. You don't know who you're shoving.

You just don't know. I'm a bull in a china shop. A Tony Award nominated actress. You've got to be careful out there. One of my childhood favorites. When you're trying to protect yourself. I don't know. I'm a bull in a china shop. A Tony Award nominated actress. You gotta be careful out there. One of my childhood favorites. When you're trying to protect.

I seriously have no bone to pick with you. Like it just made Martina and I laugh. Like I said, Kristen, yes, she was awesome in the show. But she wasn't fucking Michael Jackson. It's not Obama. It's not Obama, yes, I almost said Michael Jackson and then I was like, wait, what? Hey, we're running out of fucking references

we can say. It's like Bill Cosby, oh no, no, it's like Michael Jackson. Oh fuck, it's like Bill O'Reilly. Oh! No, don't do that, okay. Okay, I cut you off. Okay, so all I was gonna say is, I moved here, I could not get a job.

Punk was my first thing that I got and I haven't had it for 10 years. So I have been out here begging to get hired for 30 years and this started and I retired from acting a couple years ago. But for me, I felt so good about that. To me, I was like, oh my God, I'm finally not begging you to like me,

but I got to choose it. And I think that's the only difference. Like I wonder if you got to choose that I'm unplugging from this whole experience versus the choice was made for you. And I think it's really fascinating how the way things come into your life and the way it's framed really impacts how you can then take it. Yeah, I didn't get to pick. And I wonder if you got to pick if you'd be feeling kind of the elation I have, which

is like, oh, I'm off the treadmill where I'm not worried how the last thing did. Don't say treadmill to a cripple. Don't ever say treadmill to a cripple. I'm sorry. I'm not supposed to say that. I'm actually allowed to say that. You're allowed to say whatever you want. Say baby, baby.

I'm allowed to say whatever I want. But you should give us a list of words we can't say. I don't care what you say. I'm not precious about any words, but people might be precious because I do throw certain words around, but I'm allowed to now. But I also have better parking than all of you. But no, I did not want this. It fucking sucks, balls,

like hairy old saggy balls that stink with a taint. Just bad balls. Athletic balls. Yeah, balls. No, I didn't want to stop. But in the last year, it has been nice to just sleep. And I haven't slept in 50, whatever years. How many years I've been doing this?

I've been in sag since 1974. So all those years, I haven't slept. I haven't not had to show up. I haven't not had to be on and pretend. You've not been contacted by a second AD to schedule a wardrobe fitting across town. I enjoy it, but if I could switch the phone, I'd rather not be disabled. Of course.

But at least, you know, at this point in my life, I can kind of pick and choose for a minute what I would want to do if I wasn't disabled. I could finish dead to me and gone like, let's take six months off and then let's find something kind of cool. Two weeks work or six weeks work or whatever. I have the ability to be able to do that after all these years. I don't have that choice. And I don't like not being able to have the choice.

Of course, you don't have control. No. If you notice that you know less about our business now. I don't know what movies did. I don't know what shows are where. I don't know what actor is making a lot of money. I just don't know anything anymore. I know nothing.

I don't know who anyone is. We did the Oscar pool, which we always do, every year. And I haven't watched a movie in years. I watch reality television because it comforts me. Watching actors stresses me out because I can see their acting. And then I get really mad and then I'm like, ugh, ugh. But reality television, I'm like, yes, I can fall asleep to this. I didn't miss anything.

You go to sleep, they're bickering. You wake up, they're bickering. Yeah, exactly. It's the most wonderful thing. And like The Traders is the best show that's ever been on television. Oh my god, it's great. He knows. He knows. You know Rob? Rob and I talked for half an hour about The Traders. What's The Traders?

Best show on television. It's a competition show, right? Kinda. But it's manipulative. It's seedy and it's cuckoo. And the one in America they do with reality stars, so it's like a bunch of people from Bravo and then the people from Survivor, but the ones outside of America are just people like a doctor and a lady who works at a chapeau shop, and they have to manipulate each other

in order to get to the end to win this huge amount of money. It's so fun. It's kind of like werewolves and villagers a little bit, but on like TV. Then I've heard of it, and Kristen just suggested we should watch it with the girls. Yeah, people really love it Then I've heard of it, and Kristen just suggested we should watch it with the girls.

Yeah, people really love it. I also love Naked and Afraid, and my daughter and I love Naked and Afraid. It's a very important show to us. We sit here often. I was like, I could totally do this. I know now. I know what a bomo is.

I know the first thing you should do is make shoes if you're in a hot climate. I know how to start fire. And Sadie's like, yeah, totally. We could totally do this. And then both of us looked at each other and she goes, mom, you're disabled, you can't. And I said, and you have POTS, which is a heart condition.

And I was like, well, I guess neither one of us are gonna be on the show. It's not gonna happen. We will not realize this dream. We've just launched. The dream has been crushed. Have you done Alone with her? Where they're up in the Arctic?

Yeah, yeah, oh, I love Alone. That's a good one with the kids. She hasn't seen it, but I've watched it. My husband, who's a musician, but his real passion is survival. That's a good one with the kids. She hasn't seen it, but I've watched it. My husband, who's a musician, but his real passion is survival. He's a instructor. What? Wow.

Oh my goodness. I shoved the wrong guy. He could have fucking cut my throat. Honestly, he probably would. He could take you down. I'm sorry. But he teaches it. In fact, he's in Canada right now doing three to four weeks of training for other people.

So he's certified. No kidding. No, that's his jam. I had no idea. Oh yeah, he could like make an igloo somewhere and live in it, he'd be totally fine. How comforting. I regularly have the fantasy where somewhere and I'm like, what if the shit hits the fan right now?

You know, like we have a bus at home. That's why I feel safe. I'm like, yeah, when the shit hits the fan, we get in that bus, it's got a generator, we're good for a few weeks, we'll figure shit out. That makes me feel safe. And for you, you're like, I live with a fucking survivalist.

On those shows, they get a fire starter. That dude can make a fire with a bow drill, which is not easy. I tried it. I'd be dead. You gotta get the little bow, right? And then you get it going really fast. But it's not as easy as it.

No, and you're adding hay to it. It's called a nest. You make a nest. It's too much. It's too much. Stay tuned for more Farmchair Expert... ...if you dare. Sasha hated sand, the way it stuck to things for weeks.

So when Maddie shared a surf trip on Expedia Trip Planner, he hesitated. Then he added a hotel with a cliffside pool to the plan. And they both spent the week in the water. You were made to follow your whims. We were made to help find a place on the beach with a pool and a waterfall and a soaking tub. And of course, a great shower. Expedia. Made to travel. Okay, we have to touch down. And this relates to your show, Messy, because the first episode you guys interviewed Edie

Falco, which of course is her matriarch from her experience. And then you have your own matriarch. Katie comes over and lays in the bed. I know Katie, and she is fucking awesome. She's one of my favorite humans I've ever met. Those two fuckers raised me, so if you have a problem with me, it's their fault. So how old were you when you got on the show? 16 or something? 15.

Of all the different TV experiences in the history of television, that's in the top 10 of craziest rides someone could take. It was a new network, it was super provocative. It was enormous. It was every headline. But I didn't know it. I'm a kid from Laurel Canyon, man.

I really don't know things. I didn't even know it was big. Clearly there was a light switch of recognizability though, where you're moving through the world and now you're realizing like, oh, geez, I think one in four people. I was also like kind of a dick kid, like a tough girl. So also was not recognizable when I would leave work. I didn't wear those dresses. Janis Joplin was my favorite artist.

I was like this hippie weirdo, no makeup, kind of grungy and kind of gross. So I just went around the world like that. And also there were no cell phones. There wasn't that thing. I stayed in my own pocket, which was my friends from the canyon. I didn't really hang out with Hollywood people or actors. I kind of just hung out in the canyon.

What lot was that on? We had two different lots. We started out at Sunset Gower. That would have been easy from here. Oh, so nice. And then. You moved to Fox. Sony.

There's no good way to get there. I know if you're not from LA, I try to tell people this. My dream in life and the thing I would still cut off a toe to act in would be a Tarantino movie. Well, then you just put it out. You put it out a lot. But if Tarantino was shooting at the Sony lot, I don't know from where I live, I don't know.

Yeah, exactly. See, I don't like going on locations too much, so I thought if someone was like out of the country, I don't know. At this point. Yeah, Kristen did it a couple of years ago and she was like, that's the last time I'll try to do that. It's too hard.

You've got multiple babies. Then I'm bringing them over and. Oh, it's just, oh, and as a mom, I mean, they came up with something in the science that we actually have our children's DNA in our brain as moms. I'm probably gonna sound insane, but I read something. We'll fact check it.

On TikTok. That's right. Just kidding, it wasn't on TikTok. No, it was like a study. It was a study from a place that's- Yeah, yeah, yeah, reputable. Reputable. That we have part of their DNA that has gone from the belly into our brains.

So that makes us really weird. That makes total sense because your immune system is looking for things that do not have your DNA and then destroying them. So obviously it has to know the baby's DNA so it doesn't destroy the baby. I told Sadie that today. She's like, that's really freaky.

I don't like that mom. You sound like a cannibal mom. She said different words, but she's 13 and she cusses more than I do. Okay, so you didn't know that it was what it was. Oh, sorry, yeah, I didn't, I really didn't. Listen, I was in real America. I was in Michigan in that show.

Hey, there was this new network. Everyone loved it. I can't remember having a show experience other than Married with Children where it was like, oh my God, this is now a show we all watch and we all talk about. They treated us like absolute shit. Just you know, like we were like the black sheep. We didn't get.

We didn't get syndication. 11 years on a TV show. I get checks for $1.25. Oh. We didn't get syndication. 11 years on a TV show. I get checks for $1.25. Oh. Oh, no. When they sold us into syndication, they told us we were not a real network. Oh, right, they got out of it.

Oh, yeah. They gave me a bonus. A very small bonus was a fraction of what I was making a week. That's all we got. And probably the first cycle they sold was probably a billion dollar deal. It was a hundred million the first time.

And then it just kept happening over and over again, right? It plays like 20 times a day in like 150 countries. And I get a check for a dollar 25 every once in a while. I feel like I might leave a 20 behind because I enjoy it still. Okay, can you just, yeah, just give me some money. Wait, that's crazy. You'd think they would have righted that in retrospect.

They got sued. Because they weren't a network. Fox was not a network. So they were under a different agreement through SAG. Oh, they loved doing that. Probably the MGA. No, it was because there was ABC, CBS, and NBC. I'm just saying they probably had a different agreement with the guilds.

Those networks did, and this was sliding in through the cable back door. No, we were just literally shit on. And then when we got canceled, they didn't tell us. Ten years though? Eleven. Eleven years. Eleven seasons. Eleven seasons.

No, we were not told that we were canceled. Eddie found out from a couple at a cabin place that he was at that had heard it on the radio. Oh my God. And this is actually true. And you should have him on the show because he's fantastic to talk to or listen to. He said, this couple came up and said, I'm so sorry about your show.

And he's like, what are you talking about? Like, well, it was canceled. Literally we didn't know. Oh wow. We didn't get a fruit basket. Thanks for the 11 years. No, of starting a network. Yes.

We were literally the very first show to ever air on Fox. And it was a huge hit. Not at first, because no one had it. It came on on Channel 50 after eight o'clock. Yeah, when you had to have a coat hanger and one person would hold it. UHF.

Yeah, but we were the very first show to ever air. Yes, that night was three shows. I think it was, I don't know. Tracy Allman Show, maybe? Was that the first night? We had to fact check that,, that night was three shows. I think it was, I don't know. Tracy Allman show maybe? Was that the first night? We have to fact check that. I don't know. Because there was only three shows.

It wasn't The Simpsons, because people say that we stole The Simpsons. Hello, I'm sorry. They're doing that. They actually were an interstitial on The Tracy Allman Show. That's where they started. Yes.

Do you know that the working title for the show was not The Cosby Show? Or no, no, that was the working title of Silver Spoons. Sorry, no, that was our title. No, wait, hold on, that was our title. Not the Cosby Show. You just reminded me of something I wanted to ask you, but I had skimmed over it

because we were already at Married with Children. You did all these guest roles as a teenager and you were on Silver Spoons, which I loved when I was a kid. You were on the shows with all the heartthrobs. You were on Charles and Charge, Silver Spoons, Ricky Schroeder was every girl's. Rick, call him Rick now.

But then he was Ricky. I had a white swatch because he had a white swatch. Bateman was on it for the first, that's where he gets his launch. No, I've known these boys forever. Did you have crushes on any of these boys? Not my type, I like toothless punk rockers. Uh-huh.

The Dats. Cute. That's when I married one. Yeah. There's no survivalist. But he doesn't have his front teeth. Oh, he doesn't. No, he hasn't since he was 20.

Oh, wonderful, and he wears like a little, oh, he just runs with no teeth. He's punk. That's awesome. Why were you so attracted to punk rock? My mom said when I was a kid, I've never met a junkie I didn't like. So that's a fun thing to tell your kid. My mom never met an alcoholic she didn't marry. Yeah, all of them.

We can acknowledge you weren't aware of it, but you at this point understand that every boy in America was in love with you. It went Molly Ringwald and you. You had your pick of the entire population. But I like the ones that didn't like me. Yes. I've got that disease. How deep have you drilled into that?

I've never met a junkie I didn't like. I love them. I just love them. I love them. Because of the chaos that they bring? I think it's the familiarity. It's like sexy. I don't know, is it weird?

It's not weird. You can't control what you like. My boyfriend died in 2008 from heroin, so it's not like a funny thing. That was one of the most devastating things that has ever happened to me in my life. Well, there's been many. I joke about it, but my heart still is ripped out

of my chest because of that. Again, it's similar to the MS. It happened to you. You don't get to know whether you would have on your own. No, and you want to help them. And I tried three years, things were good. And then as you know, it it happened to you. You don't get to know whether you would have on your own. No, and you want to help them. And I tried three years, things were good. And then as you know, it's up to them. And then I had to go take my talents out and go, I can't.

And it was within a week. Once I said I can't, he was gone. And I hold that guilt so deep inside of me. And it doesn't matter how much intellectually you know. Of course. But I was like, what more could I have done? And yeah, we make jest. I say these things.

But by the way, that's... I've lived with personally and right up front. You get to, because you've earned it. Like you say you make MS jokes. We're all drunks and junkies. But I'm allowed to do that. Yeah, we're allowed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because I'm representing myself. Also, I think if we really went to that place... It's too much. We'd be on the floor. Yeah. And then we'd never come back off the floor. And I'm really honest about that. I make jokes. I made jokes at the Emmys. I couldn't even say the word disability. I was like, my brain was like, I make these jokes because if I don't,

I'll suffocate. I'll be done. I'm not ready for the healing yet. And I'm being very honest. I will get there. But when someone says, have you accepted this as your new normal? No, fuck you. Absolutely not. Right. Yeah. That's what our podcast, Messy is about. It's Jamie and I really talking about this. And she has MS, which I didn't know that. She has MS, yeah.

She's had it for 20 years and she hit it for 10. Wow. Did you become friends after the diagnosis or were you friends before? Peripherally, we have known each other from our friend Lance Bass for years. You also have a shared experience. We were both kids on an impossibly huge show.

Yeah, when I told Lance about it, he's like, you've got to talk to Jamie. So that's kind of how this started. You also have a shared experience. We were both kids on an impossibly huge show. Yeah. When I told Lance about it, he was like, you've got to talk to Jamie. So that's kind of how this started. Jamie and I would get on the phone, and we'd talk for like two or three hours. And it was healing. Lots of tears.

And then, of course, me making fun. And then we laugh, and then tears more. And then all of a sudden, we're like, I think this might help people. Even if we're not talking about MS, like me having constipation. And if you go into my bathroom, there are gloves in there. Because sometimes I have to pull shit out of my own asshole. Right, right, yeah, yeah. Being honest about stuff.

The experience of this. We always talk about if she and I could go together as one person, we would be the most perfect disabled person because she's really like, we've got to find light and we've got to move forward and I'm like, fuck this. But if we came together, we'd be perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's kind of what messy is. I listened and it's great. And I was listening to the Edie Falco episode. I just love her. I've never met her, but I feel that same pull towards her as I did Katie and then

prove that Katie was exactly who I had hoped she would be. And I get that hunch that Edie is also cut from that same cloth. But I think it's very weird that both of you had similar archetype mothers. Sorry, I'm burping. No, take your time. I might throw up. I have a throwy upy thing. Anyway, I do it from right here. We're in your bedroom. I'm in my gray gardens, as I call it.

And then Jamie's in Austin and our producer's in New York. So it's really just whenever someone wants to come on, we're like, okey dokey. And listening to Edie and Jamie talk about stuff, you know, I don't wanna spoil it. It's heartbreaking, you should, you should. But their relationship and Jamie realizing that she wasn't getting what she needed from Edie, she held onto that and then Edie explaining why.

I was sitting there hands on chin like, oh, this is deep. I was proud of both of them for being so transparent about what the experience was like. Edie's like, you had parents there and you were very type A and you seemed very on top of it. And then Jamie's like, I was so afraid I didn't belong there and I was trying to act very prepared and like I knew everything. Edie's saying, I was afraid of you.

Oh wow. The mom. And Jamie going, wait, what? It is a great reminder of what you think's going on versus what another person thinks is going on and how disjointed those realities are. You telling me I shoved you against a wall. I'm like, wow, that's news to me. I didn't even think I could do something like that. But yeah, just hearing both people for maybe the first time they're talking about how they really

felt like something that maybe they could have done on day nine. The first time they had ever spoken about this, it came as such a shock when we do the zoom. Obviously, we can see each other, and that's just so we can watch each other. But Allison and I were like, whoa. Should we leave? What is happening? And even Jamie, like, tears coming.

It was really intense. And the fact that there was a moment where Edie knew she was struggling and had a lot of insecurity and saw her be great on an episode, wrote her a letter telling her how great she was on the episode, and that Jamie wanted so bad to respond and thank her, but she just never did.

And then he was like, I don't even know if she cared that I did that. Those missed opportunities. No, it's crazy. That's beautiful. And that's kind of what we're doing. Eventually we'll talk to people we don't know, but first of all, Jamie and I are gonna talk.

That's kind of the show is just the two of us. And then we'll have our friends and our family and we have Marty Short and we've got people that we've already done and we've got a good little list, but no one's promoting. We don't have questions, which makes us like the worst interviewers ever because we're like, Sue, what'd you have to eat today?

I don't know. I mean, but eventually, hopefully something will happen. Can you tell me, because I'm really undereducated in this, my girlfriend and high school's mom had MS. My understanding was the myelon sheath around your spinal cord is breaking down, and then you get all this electrical interference. And do we know much about this disease?

Do we know how it begins? Are you predisposed to it genetically? What happens physically? No, no, yes, and no, and no. OK, great. Let's move on. Next question. No, no, no.

I'm going to explain what I know. If there was an understanding of how one gets MS, then there would be better treatments. Luckily, they do have what they call B cell treatments, which most of us are on, which are infusions of ocrevis or casemta, which is pretty hardcore stuff. It's almost like a, and I don't wanna say this

because people are gonna be like, it's not chemo. It's like a form of that, where it's killing all the B cells in your body that are attacking your nervous system. So you have something in your body that's attacking your nervous system. I have 30 lesions on my brain, like herpes sores basically. So sores all over my brain. My biggest one is behind my right eye.

So my right eye hurts a lot. Oh, fuck. Does it affect your vision? Not right now, but it hurts. And then other people don't even have them on their brain. They have like a couple on the spine. What it does is it just affects the nervous system. So we all kind of have the issue with mobility.

It's different per person. How it shows up on Jamie is very different of how it shows up on me. My hand starts to go weird, and then I'll get a seizure-y feeling sometimes in my brain, but not all the time. I'm going to guess the brain thing to me would be scarier than the arm. I'm not really happy about all the ones in my brain. If you think that I'm just sitting here with 30 lesions on my brain, it's not a fun one to hang with.

Harvard put out a study that, you know, of course they're not claiming anything. They're saying like we're seeing a correlation, you can look this up too. There's a correlation that anyone who has Epstein-Barr virus, wait, with hypothyroidism and the herp, they're seeing that that's kind of a correlation. I have all three, not on the vagina. To clarify. I don't have the herpy on the vagini. I get a little cold sore from a pineapple.

And by pineapple, I mean dick. Just kidding. No, actually it's just- I mean dick dipped in pineapple. Yeah, dick dipped in pineapple. No. And a couple of people I know who have MS have all those three things.

So we're not gonna claim that. We're not gonna send it off in a letter. But it's kind of promising. They're thinking, hmm, we're seeing that the people that do have it have all those three things. It's the three things. And I have hypothyroidism.

Which is you don't make enough. Like I'm slow. Right. Okay, so that might be the precursors to it. And then what has happened in recent time with the pharmacological treatments for it? Have there been good progress made? Like out of 10, what would you give the treatment?

You know, this is a disease forever for us. And back before they had the B cell treatments, people just died from it. You just knew you got it and then you're just dead. So we're prolonging life with these treatments now. Doesn't mean that I'm gonna be around in 10 years. You know, I don't know. So that's the scary thing about MS.

There is no end game. You know, I've had cancer too. Well, I was gonna get into this. It's fun talks. But you kind of, it's hard to explain that too, because I was able to catch it early because of my being a hypochondriac. And now I don't really have to worry about breast cancer. Not going to say the other cancers, because that's up for grabs. Who knows?

But this one is like, this is it. This is life. There's no surgical option. There's no like ringing the bell when you're done with chemo. You live with this for the rest of your life and either you're gonna die from it or you're gonna die in a car crash, I don't know.

But that's kind of the end game on this for now. We hope in our lifetime that someone will be like, we've got it, oh my God, that'll be so great. But it's a disease of progression and you just progressively get worse. I would imagine mentally, like the definition of depression, right, is that you foresee the future being worse than the president's. The president's? Yes, also that.

Than the present is. And when you're given a diagnosis that literally says, well, that's the facts. I don't know how someone wrestles themselves out of that. It's the worst tattoo. Today's the best. I don't know how someone wrestles themselves out of that. It's the worst tattoo. Today's the best I'm gonna be physically. That's a mountain on your mind, I would imagine.

Sucks, I'm not gonna sit here and like, some people go like, oh my God, cancer was the best thing that ever happened to me. And I'm like, oh, then you had a pretty shitty life. That's the best thing that ever happened to you. You should go to Disneyland. Yeah, do something else. But this is the worst thing that's ever happened to me

in my entire life. I hate it so much. I'm so mad about it. You can't overcome it. People go like, well, why don't you exercise? Because I can't. Like it hurts. The second my feet hit my carpet in the morning

and they're hurting as bad as they do every single day, then I go, fuck it. I'm just gonna lay back in bed. And then I'm being the worst MSer. We should be stretching. We should be trying to walk for five minutes. And then you beat yourself up for that? I beat myself up about that.

And then I'll have a day where I'm not as bad and I'm like, oh, I can do a couple of things. Then I'm down for four days. So it's a bitch. She's a total, I'm gonna say the word, cunt. She's a cunt. Good for you. And you go push and then it pushes right on back.

She is a mean girl. That's the thing that I struggle with because everyone's like, come on,'re feeling good today let's go do something and I'm like well then I'll do it and then I'm gonna be in bed for five days. Yeah any victory is not a victory it's gonna be Purik and you're gonna be... I know I'm like such the downer guy. Like a lot of people are like, let's wear orange and let's do the... You know what I love? The race to a race. So you're going to run in front of me? Okay, good.

That's right. This is like the orgy to help erectile dysfunction. This is not putting down the race to erase MS at all. Or erectile dysfunction. No. I think someone's not doing something right. If you have ED. Well, first of all, I think you do a much better service

by saying, I feel like this and I hate this because I think a lot of the people that are dealing with what you're dealing are like, on top of everything else, I don't seem to have this sunny disposition about this ailment I've been given and I feel now isolated and alone. I'm like, I'm not doing it right on top of everything else.

I actually think it's a much bigger service. Can I just say, I hate they beat cancer. Like it implies my dad didn't fight hard enough. Yeah, no. There's a lot of triggers for me about this. You feel shitty about your performance on top of everything else. Is that what we need?

I had a friend who is in the public eye and she got cancer and posted, and look, I'm gonna put myself down in a minute, but she said, if there's anyone that can beat it, it's gonna be me. And I said, take it down. I said, take it down right now. Because someone's mom just died, and she was pretty strong.

Someone's daughter just died, someone's sister just died, someone's dad just died from this. Take it down. I said, what you're gonna do is you're gonna be honest every step of the way through your chemo, your radiation, all this stuff. And it ended up that people really were helped by what? Yes.

Of course, the vulnerability. She did, yeah. And sharing your fears. And I learned that lesson the hard way because in 2008 when I had breast cancer at 36 years old, I went out and I was the good girl talking about, oh, I love my new boobs. Right.

That are all scarred and fucked up. What was I thinking? My first interview was with Robin Roberts when I had cancer and, you know, I'm sitting there lying my ass off about how I felt. I got up and I literally fell into the wall. You weren't there because you didn't push me. But you were like, fuck, I haven't fallen this hard since Zach Shepard shoved me. Way before.

Shoved a woman. And I fell into the wall and sobbed, cause it was a lie. Everything I was saying was a freaking lie. It was me trying to convince myself of something. And I think that did no service to anyone. Yes, I started a foundation right away. Yes, I did all the things that I had to do.

And we raised millions of dollars for women to get MRIs who were at high risk. Yes, we did a good thing. But at the back of it, I was taking off my bra and crying every night. And I wish that I had said that. Yeah. Because then you have a fraudulence on top of the pain.

Also, I want that woman who's feeling like that to not be like, oh, Christina Applegate, she loves her boobies. I don't like my boobies. I still don't like my boobies. It's horrible. I don't have nipples. That's not something I talk about. I don't like my boobies. I still don't like my boobies. It's horrible. I don't have nipples. That's not something I talk about.

I don't have nipples. It's weird. I can wear a tank top and no headlight. No pointies. No headlight. I will find. That's a silver lining. You can really go in frigid climates.

That'll be something I'm naked afraid. And no one's ever gonna know that I'm cold. No one will know. Your tits will never betray you. No, and they don't move either. You can't push them. Look at me trying to push my tits. They're just there forever.

I was wondering, there's a lot of shit I love about AA. One of them is I learned early on that self-pity is the opposite side of the coin is self-aggrandizement. So I would always feel stupid bragging and thinking I'm hotter shit than I am. But also self-pity is- I'm doing this because I want to speak upon that when you're done. I'm setting you up for this because- You won't know what I'm hotter shit than I am. But also, self-pity is- I'm doing this because I want to speak on that when you're done.

I'm setting you up for this because- You won't know what I'm about to talk about. Okay, keep your fingers crossed. I'm doing this. I police myself as much on self-pity as I do on self-aggrandizement because I have admitted to myself, it's equally, I'm making myself more important than I am.

The universe isn't conspiring against Ash Shepherd. I'm not that fucking important. It is. So I'm wondering, hey, what are your thoughts about self pity? And then you have to police yourself. Because if I were you, this is me, I'm not saying you should feel this way. I would go, yeah, this makes sense. I got way too much luck. And now I'm getting way too much bad luck. So I got

cancer at 36. That's ridiculous. I'm sorry. I didn't have luck. I was really talented. I would have. I would have. I would have said this life was so charmed I feel that way about my life. It's abnormally charmed. I'm talented But so are a lot of people to girlings that didn't make it. I have a very fucking charmed life Most of the things happened to me. Yeah, she had much more talent than me. I was there with her We started together, but I would start saying to myself. Oh god now it's flipping on me I would make the universe pointed at myself.

That's what I would have to fight. And of course, I'm just curious if those kind of thoughts cross your mind. Okay, so the book's going to come out, so I'm not going to talk about too much. It's been a shitty life. I'm not going to lie. All the stuff that you saw was like a really, really good Alexander McQueen jacket. Performance. Okay.

Jacket. That was pretty. That's fashion. I put on the jacket and then I went out into the world and I pretended to be something that I wasn't and behind closed doors was pretty grim. I was starting to write my book in a couple weeks so I don't wanna say too much but it's pretty gross. But also it's making, we wanna read it.

You're gonna think I'm literally making this up and it's not like, oh my God, I didn't have enough toilet paper that day, it's stuff. Abuse. It's things, yeah. So anyway, I did this because being grandiose about oneself, I remember being 13 years old and I was on a show called Heart of the City.

A detective show, you were on it for two years. People were liking it. And so I said to one of my friends that I had grown up with, if you ever see me start to get lost, let me know. And one day we were in the car and we were driving by 20th Century Fox, which is where we shot it.

And on the radio was the doors, she's a 20th Century Fox. And I said, oh my God, that's so funny. And she whispered into my ear, she goes, you're doing it. And that was actually the last time I ever spoke about myself. Really? No, I'll get calls from my mom and she's like, you got nominated for an Emmy? And that was actually the last time I ever spoke about myself. Really? No.

I'll get calls from my mom and she's like, you got nominated for an Emmy? I have been so embarrassed by it my whole life that I don't tell anyone. Not my family. Nothing. I don't talk about it. Do you think you've robbed yourself of some deserved self-congratulations? No, because now I know I'm the shit. Now I'm like, yeah, pretty good.

Pretty good at stuff. Yeah. Fuck yes. One after another, after another, after another, after another. Yeah know I'm the shit. Now I'm like, yeah, pretty good. Pretty good at stuff. Fuck yes. One after another, after another, after another, after another. Yeah, I'm proud. You can't get lucky 29 times in a row. I did that until just recently. I was embarrassed by it.

Was it important to you to not shine so bright because you were living out a dream your mother started? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I always say that the secret to success is to be mediocre success. Then people don't need the downfall. I would have loved the $20 million, $50 million paycheck for that movie. Yeah.

It's not that I chose not to, everyone chose that for me, but I feel like I've been here for 50 years because I kind of have stayed in the lane. At the right wrong. You didn't fly too close to the sun. Why? You'd get burned. That's right, Icarus.

We were just talking about this, Monica. We were. Yeah, we were just talking about it. But the brass rings lovely too, but you only get it once. There's only one way to go from there. There's only one story left to tell about that person. We were just interviewing Bradley Cooper and this came up. He said, do you think people have to see someone fall?

And I said, yeah, it's the only story left. I can't even blame people. We think in stories. So it's like, what's the third act for this person? They can't get higher, so they gotta go lower. But they grasp for it, then you're like, you're boring me with your crap acting. That's why I don't watch, I'm like, stop it.

Inspire me, do something different. Are there any shows you love though? Do you like White Lotus? I haven't seen it. Oh my lord. So good. It's so good. It's terrible. You're a bad sag member.

I know. I'm a Ted Lasso guy. I'm like a only murders. Oh, I love only murders. You like lighthearted. You want to feel happy. Yeah. Yeah, that's fair.

And I'm cracking jokes all day long. So when I sit down, I want to see like murder and tragedy and I need the opposite. But we didn't get to self pity. Oh God. Yeah. I totally hate myself. Especially now I gained 45 pounds

when I got sick from medication. I've lost 30 pounds in the last few months. Not from Ozempic, I have a stomach issue, so my eating is very tiny. Is MS at all, is there a diet that's better for it? Yeah, Mediterranean. No gluten, no. Isn't that like forever? I think it is. It's kind of for everyone.

It's like a catch-all. We'll write books about it, and you're like, but we're pretty sure that's probably the best way to eat. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I eat a piece of cinnamon toast a day. I'm not doing all the things I'm supposed to be doing. But it's hard for me because I was always fit lady, but I also had eating disorders and weird stuff for years.

And being like this now, which is hard. And I don't do the plastic surgeries and I don't do the things. I brought my equipment. Do you want me to, you sure you don't want me to? I did do a thread lift in 2018. How was that? That was rad. But it goes away.

Oh, it does. Does the thread dissolve? Yeah. Oh my Lord. But I went to a doctor two years ago and I was like, I want to go again. And he goes, your face is too fat. Oh, he literally was like, mic drop, you fat. Oh, wow. Oh, wow.

So that made me feel real good about myself. He turned down all that money. First of all, I doubt your face is fat. Secondly, rare ethics. You wanna talk to Michael Jackson's guy and go, how could you have possibly gone in on that nose again? You can't do that.

Like, how could you have possibly gone in on the nose again? I'm more concerned about the propofol by the nightstand. There's a few doctors that were... Yeah, the doctor that was like, I'll knock you out every single night of your life. But it's propofol. Yes. I love propofol.

That's fun for your colonoscopy. Exactly, for a major surgery. I know, can you imagine being put down every night? Anesthesia. I've had many surgeries and you've got to prep for surgery. They don't want you on propofol with any food in your stomach. Exactly. Aspirate like was he? Pre-op. Pre-op his whole life? Is that why you're so thin? He's constantly prepping for surgery. Do you think he had some of those surgeries on his nose while he's asleep?

I think that's talking about Michael Jackson is a whole other episode. I have lots of thoughts on that one. I'll table it. Oh wait I'm gonna tell you this Jackson, funny. One of my best friends, her name's Farrell, and we've known each other since we were 13 years old. We met on some steps down on Lookout, and she comes up, she had blue hair, she goes, you got a fucking cigarette? That's how we met. And we've been friends ever since. When we were younger, not even then, she thought that the song said, get down with the porn

stars. Don't stop till you get enough. Get down with the porn stars. Yeah, I till you get enough. Get down with the porn stars. Yeah, I can see where she thought that. It's not. It's not, man. It's not get down with the porn stars. But it could be.

Don't stop till you get enough. Come on. No, so you don't know it. No, I love that song too. I play it a couple times a week. Be honest, did you ever get invited? Where? To the ranch.

Oh, yeah. His dad had a birthday party. Pre. Yes, allegations and now we know for certain. Yeah, allegations. Well, I say that, no, he definitely was a pedophile who ruined the lives of a bunch of little kids. I'm not denying that.

There weren't even allegations yet at this point. No. Every friend of mine who's been in this business for a very long time, like Seth Green, we've talked about it on the show, anyone that was young, that was around and popular at that time, they got invited to the ranch. I was in my 20s.

Joe actually invited me. Joe Jackson. That's very weird for him, do you think about it? No, he came up to me with the chimp. You met Bubbles. So my friends who have been there to the ranch, what was it called, the Mystery Ranch? Neverland Ranch.

The Mystery. It's a Scooby Doo. The Magical Mystery Tour. Of rape. Oops. It was insane, it was Disneyland. Oh, it was awesome. Yeah, he built it for kids.

And himself, he was a kid. His own mental, yeah. Okay. But you meant Bubbles. He went to Bubbles' house. And I went on the swing, roundy-boudy thing, and it was playing all his music. Good music.

I heard he rebuilt the Pirates of the Caribbean at Neverland. Not when I was there. This was so long ago. I mean, this is pre any marriages. Right. Of all of them. Yeah. So pretty.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Stay tuned for more of Fire and Fire Expert, if you dare. Okay, so you're doing the podcast, Messy. Messy, messy. And it's very well done and you're very good at it and I'm glad you're doing that. And then I read that you'll voice act. Is that true? Yeah, of course.

As long as I can speak, I'd love to do that. It'd be fun. Mama needs to do something. Do shit, yeah, yeah, yeah? Yeah, of course, as long as I can speak. I'd love to do that, it'd be fun. Mama needs to do something. Do shit, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so we were honest about the darkness of this. On the mornings you do get yourself to have a good day and you're positive, what are the tools that you use that are helpful?

So not inspiring. Do you meditate? I get mad at it. Yeah. See, this is the thing, I was a super spiritual person. I've been going to a church called Agape since I was 24 years old. I've been in spiritual since I was little. My mom got me meditating at eight years old.

My belief in what the universe is or God as people call it or not God or whatever, it's very strong, very convicted in what I believe. You're not going to alter that. I believe that aliens came down. I'm just kidding. And built the pyramids. They just built the pyramids and that's what happened. It's weird.

It's like I shove away from it. More angry I get, which is when you should be kind of tapping into that stuff, I get pissed. But we have a coin out of my lanai, which you'll see there's a coin my friend Rob Zabrecki gave to me who's an amazing magician and he works at the Magic Castle, but he's also kind of the most amazing person I've ever known. And he gave me a coin from the Magic Castle and it kind of became our prayer coin. So anyone that comes here, we sit and if something's going on in one of our friend's lives or we need a minute, we hold the coin.

We got to pray on the coin. And the coin has actually gotten heavier in weight because of the energy that's in it. It's holding the... Yeah, I mean, that's science. We know what science is, right? Universe. E equals MC squared. I don't even know what that means. But we hold the coin.

So when I'm feeling that stuff, I hold the coin and just get quiet about it. Have you done mushrooms? Oh, when I was 16. I have an amazing story about this. Tell me. My friend Mandy and I, we took some mushrooms, I think I was 16, at her house,

and we started watching Comic Relief. So this is how long ago it was. People don't even know what that is. I do. It was on Comedy Central, it raised money for things. Yeah, it's Robin Williams, Whoopi Goldberg, and Billy Crystal hosting it. We were laughing so hard that we kept calling

on the dial phone. Oh, to the telephone. To use her dad's credit card to donate money. And we did this all night long. And we spent like hundreds of dollars and we got in really big trouble. And that was the first and last time I've ever done mushrooms.

Has anyone advised you to do it? Drugs are not for me, no thank you. You just tried them and no or you just never? I tried them and no and I don't like it. No, thank you. I forced Monica to do them. Not others, not like heroin. I couldn't do heroin because I would just keep doing it. Yes, as most people.

Going in the hospital, you're like, yes, thank you, Dilaudid. You know your disposition. I can't. Nope, thank you. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Bye, thumbs down. Okay, well then I'm not gonna push.

Okay, great. But shrooms in particular are supposed to be uniquely good for situations that you're in. Yeah, I have that brain that like, take me out of right this moment, I'm gonna go cuckoo town. My mom gave me a pot. Edibles? Stick.

A vape. A joint. No, a joint. Old fashioned. Laurel Canyon shit. Yeah, she's not doing so well, and she's like, this might get your pain away. This was actually before I knew I had MS, is when they thought I had something called peripheral neuropathy.

I'm in such pain all the time, it really, really hurts. But anyway, she's like, just try it. So I sat out on the lanai, and I had smoked it like you would at 15. Back when it was not potent. Not a good choice. Not a good move for you. Oh boy, not a good move.

I was alone in my room. And you went a little bad shit. And I called her, I said, what the hell did you give me? And she goes, how much did you have? And Oh boy, not a good move. I was alone in my room. And you went a little bad shit. And I called her, I said, what the hell did you give me? And she goes, how much did you have? And I said, like half of it. She goes, oh my God. Oh God.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. This is why I haven't smoked pot since I was 15. I did everything. Sadie, you're not listening to this at that time. I got it over with. He tried it all. Yeah, except for heroin. Smartly.

And crack. You missed out, it was pretty good. Anyway. Yes. Not really interested, but that was a bad call. Oops. Well, thanks for letting us come over and take your time. Yeah. And I'm sure you're in pain and that cannot be easy and I'm mindful of it and I appreciate

it. I don't know if you ever heard our show, but this is what I'm all about is sharing the fucking battle, not the victory speech on a stage somewhere. So I'm very grateful to you. Well, this has been the most fun I've had in like three years. Oh. No, seriously. Should we come back? We'll come back once a week.

I sit in here by myself pretty much all day long. And you're not doing drugs? No. Oh, God. We really need them. You really should start White Lotus. Before you guys got here, he was in here, and I said, now I have to pause my show,

which was Real Housewives of Miami Reunion Part Two. Oh my. You must watch Couples Therapy. The most incredible therapist, Orna. It's so good. Okay, okay, okay, okay. It's so good. You're gonna blast through it.

I'm actually gonna text myself, please. Please do. Because I have to text because I have all the lesions on the brains. You're still so quick. Yeah, I know. I'm pretty smart. Have you please. Because I have to text because I have all the lesions on the brains. You're still so quick. Yeah, I know, I'm pretty smart. Have you at all, have you at all? I'm pretty smart and I'm pretty funny.

It's all good. Do you see the Carly similarity? I was gonna tell you as soon as we left, you remind me so much of Dax's sister. Yeah, you look so much like my little sister. It makes me kind of like love you more than I have a right to love you. But I'm looking at your little face

and it's so Carly's and I love her so much. It's not that little, watch. No, that's not the face. It's just your normal face is very Carly. Yeah, even the mannerisms and stuff. And so it has me feeling like very, very, of course, protected. Aw, I love that. He'll shove me out of the way for you.

Yeah, I'll shove Rob and Monica before we leave. I feel very alone, so I like to be protected. Okay, good, I'm the dude. Isn't that so great? What a dichotomy. Oh, yes. You're protecting me, but you also abuse me. Well, is it just the story of both families?

No, but as I like to call it a dichotomy. Anyway, no, so both things. Both things. You know that I hold no grudge about that. It's just funny to me. I totally believe you, because I've been around you. You had no idea that I was there. I had no idea.

And I've been around you a bunch of times since then, and I didn't feel any animosity. But I do like the book ending, not that there won't be more experiences, but this is a reverse of a shove into a wall. Yeah. There you go. All right, I adore you. Thank you.

Thanks so much for doing this. I love you both. Thank you. Everyone should listen to Messy, it comes out. The 19th of March on all streaming things. Okay, great. So check out Messy, and I love you, and I'm so glad I got to come sit in your bedroom.

This is very unique. And we got to listen to your daughter play music. Yes, this was like the soup to nuts. And smell all the dog pee in my room. That's right. And actually for the amount of pets I'm seeing, it doesn't smell in here at all. Well, I burn nogchampa in here all day long

because I love nogchampa. It's a very childhood thing. So I offset the nasty. And normally my bed's really made. It's more made than mine is. You'll love this before we go. These are my heating pads. I snuggle them and they're called Jake Ryan.

Jake Ryan? 16 candles. Oh yeah, it's of course the dark haired gentleman that Molly was in love with. Is he still the number one? Because the early ones are the, they stay the number one, don't they? He's in my heart forever.

He drove that red 944 Porsche. I'm 52't they? He's in my heart forever. Yeah. He drove that red 944 Porsche. Yeah. I'm 52 years old and I've named my heating pad Jake Ryan. I think, suffice it to say, that is the jam. You obviously met him over the years, did you? No. Michael Shkalofka, like, I don't even know his name.

I hope he's listening. Yeah, obviously. All right. All right. Bye. Good luck with everything. Thank you. Great to see you.

Next up is the fact check. I don't even care about fact checks. You wanna get in your pants? Well, I wanna tell people. Tell people. Some updates. Okay. Okay.

You have joined my connections group chat, which has me, Callie, Max, and Robbie. Robbie, my friend from home. Yes. It's time for me to tell you Robbie has a PhD. Okay, I'm not intimidated by a PhD. Okay, great. Yeah, you could have got a PhD.

Thank you, I think so. Yeah, what's his in? But I'm smart. What's his in? Psychometrics. Psychometrics. Yeah, you could have got a PhD. Thank you, I think so. Yeah, what's his in? But I'm smart. What's his in? Psychometrics. Psychometrics.

It's a mixture of psychology and statistics. Oh, that's kinda cool. It is very cool. Okay, so, but the best part was is, let's start at the beginning. I love Connections now. I've only been playing it for three days, and now it's like, it used to be,

get through the meditation, the reward was coffee, nicotine, and then get through the journaling, and I could have my phone. But I don't really care about having my phone. It's more just like, oh, there's stuff to do on it. I've got a 10-2 while I duty- It's like you have to look at your phone. It's not really a reward, but now connections is in my life.

And now there's like a huge reward in the morning to get. I'm so happy you think that. I love it. Okay, now the other thing is you put me on the thread. Yep. But I. You asked to be on the thread. Yeah, well I think I sent you and Callie.

You did, but, and I actually got nervous about this because when we were talking about it, you're like, I wanna be on your thread, I wanna be on your thread. And I said, okay, it's Callie, Max, and my friend Robbie. You certainly did, and I didn't remember that. Yeah, I had a feeling. So, yeah, because I think I texted you and Callie,

and then you put me on the thread. But the two of the numbers are, they're just numbers. It's 10 numbers, because I don't have them in my phone book. Okay, even though I said in the text, you know thigh guy Max, and now you need a nickname for Robbie. I feel like maybe you aren't reading these.

I might have missed it, because there's so many people, and there's a lot of screen grabs of the puzzle itself, and I might have got distracted by the puzzles. I didn't see that, and now it's great. But okay, back to Robbie. Yeah. He got it with no mistakes.

So did Max. We did. Today. Today he did? I haven't played today. Okay. So, but you know, sorry Callie, I hate to do this to you. She didn't get it today. She.

I don't know if you could see that. Can you tell that from the pictures? No, I'm new to this whole thing. I didn't know Robbie and Max's were, I just know you and Callie. Oh my God. I feel, I don't know why, I feel like stressed out. Oh you do? A little bit.

Why? Do you think I'm not gonna like your friends or they're not gonna like me? No, it's not about. They're not gonna like you because you brought me. No, they love me. Okay. And it's not about you liking them or them,

it's not about liking. It's just, I have a weird thing with you. It's just the truth. I feel anxious if you're uncomfortable. I know, I know, I just, I try to rack my brain of when like my discomfort has put you out, because A, I'm almost never uncomfortable. Like wouldn't you say I'm just generally kind of

happy-go-lucky? No, you are uncomfortable. Oh, okay. And you also get upset with things and not always. It's not like just your main disposition, but yes. Would you be comfortable giving me an example? Because I'm having a hard time finding purchase in this. Or like I'm someone you got a tiptoe around and I might blow up or I'm angry

or I'm gonna be really unhappy. And I'm having a hard time remembering those events. Okay, the airplane coming back from South by. Oh, where I was angry at the guy who was mistreating the flight attendant. Yes. You sure? Yeah, I was mad at that guy,

but did you feel like you, that just stresses you out, that's what you're saying. It stresses me out that you are not at equilibrium. Okay. Or you're like upset. It stresses me out that you are not at equilibrium. Okay. Or you're like upset. You were upset with him and I didn't know where that was gonna lead and that made me anxious. Oh right, like there could be some violence or something.

Not violence. I mean, I didn't think you were gonna like punch him or anything, but I thought there was a fair chance. I just wanna isolate it. I'm not trying to put you on the spot. I'm trying to isolate, because if it is your fear that I'm gonna get into it with other people, that I totally can understand that.

Yeah, that's sort of what that means. But I'm mushing it together with your fear that I was gonna not have a good time in India. Yeah, that's part of it. Or that's not part of it, that's an example. Yeah, but that's the one I really have a hard time, like I think, I could be delusional, I have a great time everywhere,

like I'm at funerals and I have a good time, I'm at weddings, I have a good time. Yeah, yeah, no, but you- I'm at that play for 25 hours, I'm having a good time. Sure, but if you feel obligated to do something, I don't think you like it. I got nervous that once you were on the group chat, you were gonna feel obligated to participate

and also knowing you were gonna get multiple texts a day from people and then feel like, well, I gotta like engage. That it would become homework. Yeah, and it's not on you that I am stressed out about it. That's on me. I should not care, of course. Like you decided to participate in this. I feel that I was very clear about what it was,

but then when you say like, yeah, who are these people? I'm kind of like, I tried to make it so clear so that now I'm scared. You know what I mean? Can you relate? Yeah, let's just clear all this up. So like, I just didn't know, not like who, it wasn't, who are these people?

I know, I know. I was like, who are the other people on the text? Cause I wanna be able to address them and be a good participant. I'm the new person in the group, so I wanna put my best foot forward. So I wanted to know who it was. And I'm very excited to be a part of this chain.

I'm not a part of any text chains. I'm much older and my friends don't do text chains. And so it's exciting. And the, yeah. As long as, I mean, I know you don't like to hear this. I don't really know why you don't like to hear it because it is a truth. I have codependency with you and it is real.

And part of it, I do think has nothing to do with you. It has to do with the way our relationship started. Baby sitter employer. Exactly, the delineation of you being my employer at first, you know, like Dax doesn't like this, Dax doesn't like this, Dax doesn't like this. Was there a lot of stuff? Well, also it was coming from my sister

who was trying to imagine things I don't like. Well, and she's right. She's crazy protective of me. Yes, and she doesn't want an issue. And I get it, Dax really doesn't like when the sponge, I remember so specifically the sponge. And it really affected me. Rob's having a good giggle over there about that. I was so hyper aware of the sponge and so many things. Well, I'm a a good giggle over there about that. I was so hyper aware of the sponge

and like so many things, you know? Well, I'm a good student. I know you are. No one, I'm not asking for sympathy. I'm not the victim. You're not in trouble. You didn't do anything wrong. No, no, no, no.

I'm saying that before I say to you my frustration in life. This is a great example. As I said, I went to Barton Springs with Ange while we were in South By. And we were walking down to Acid Springs, the water, and she was saying that she loved the Molly McNierney episode. And she said, I have never related so much to somebody than when she was explaining how intimidated she was by you. And I'm like, what, Ange, what are you talking about?

When were you intimidated by me? Because from my perspective, like I have always been so nice to Ange and I've invited her to, she's always been key hair on any movie I've made. She makes me artwork, I hang it in the house. Like I just adore Ange and have been so soft and sweet to Ange forever that it's hard for me to reconcile that someone's intimidated by me

when I'm being so gentle and kind. You are being gentle and kind. So then when I hear that, you often have so much fear. Now, the thing about me getting into it with strangers makes total sense and I can own that. It must be stressful to be, look, I know what it was like to be around my dad. I like to think he was five X of me,

but yeah, everywhere we went, I was like, is he gonna fight at Costco? Is he gonna fight on the side of the road? Is he gonna fight at the gas station? So that I totally get, and I can see it clearly, like of course, that must be so stressful. My kids will let me know, like we can feel you're trying to drive faster than that person.

I am, and that's exhausting. But me being unhappy or inconvenienced, that one I just have a hard time connecting, as I have a hard time connecting with Ann thinking I'm intimidating. Right, well again, I think you being the employer, I have this with Kristin. I still have it with her.

You do. I am constantly, and again, this is not her, it's me. Like if we're on a girls chat or something, or if I'm like, I'm planning dinner or something with the girls. Or we've like said, like, let's hang out this week. In my head, I do this. I'm like, okay, planning dinner or something with the girls. Or we've said, let's hang out this week. In my head, I do this. I'm like, okay, well, Kristen can't come

because she's working and I know she works this day and she works this day. So I'm definitely not gonna include her on this chat because she would hate being included on a chat for no reason. I know this about her from working with her and I'm still always gonna be in that mode. And I don't do that to any of the other girls,

even if I know that they can't because I don't have that experience of constantly trying to make her life easier. You kind of formatted your brain that way for years. I did, I did. And you're in there in some way as well. Some of my suspicion is that some of it did get graphed onto me because where Kristin and I

are different, neither of these are good or bad. She has an appetite for a much busier life than I do. But she has many, many, many more projects going at once. I have a very hard time functioning with that level. I kinda need to focus on just a few things. That's just how my brain works. She can somehow juggle 300 balls. So when you're working with her,

yes, for that kind of approach to life, to work, everything has to be insanely efficient and extraneous stuff needs to be weeded out. But I don't really operate that way. I kinda keep my life kinda small on the smaller side. And I've never had an assistant and I don't really want it to be big enough where I need help.

But I do think some of that got graphed onto me when I actually don't have that disposition all that much. Do you think I'm delusional? I don't think you're delusional and I think you guys are different. I do think though, like it happens all the time when I'm talking to people for the show and stuff, I'm not looping you in for no reason.

I could, but why would I do that? I'm gonna handle it. I'm just gonna handle it. That's my decision. I'm much more like her. I want efficiency first and foremost. I want things back to back. I wanna knock it out.

I'm like her. Oh, let me add though, I do appreciate how much stuff disappears that you make disappear that I don't even know about. So it's like, I haven't even, I haven't requested that. That's not really my disposition, but I also enjoy the fact that there are a bunch of little things that I don't even know.

I don't even wanna call them little. There are a bunch of things I don't know about and I do enjoy that. It's practiced, like that, if you're a good, I mean, maybe this is like a good advice. Producer one-on-one. Yeah. That's the job is to handle shit and for an assistant and I think it can get very tricky for assistants.

Yeah, I would want the person to know everything I did for them. It's so hard. Because everything's just happening seamlessly and flawlessly as it should, and that's the job is to go unnoticed and have everything in its right spot and done when it's done. I couldn't do it.

It's really hard. I'd have to tell you all the things I did for you. I know. And you have to be okay knowing they're just not gonna know a lot of the stuff until you leave. Well, and you have to have, well also you have- And then they're just not gonna know a lot of this stuff until you leave. And then they're pissed. You have to have the confidence and faith

that they do recognize that and appreciate it. Some people do and don't, and that would be so hard. Thank God, I mean, Kristin does, and that's very helpful. She's great about that. I presume so, because she's regularly telling me how much she appreciates that this thing got handled and she didn't even know about it. She's aware of it, and she'll often tell me

how grateful she is that Anna's just three steps ahead and she doesn't even know it happened. Yeah, it was when I trained her or whatever, that's the main thing to impart. You are to try to include her in as little as possible. Right. That's not necessarily something, I mean, she did make clear she liked that,

but she wasn't like, I don't wanna know anything, make sure I don't know anything. Like she never said that. It's just because- Well, you can see and I can see. So her, one of her shortcomings, which she would admit to is, and this has changed over the years,

but she has a very hard time saying no. So she says yes a lot. And then so as two people who care about her, I think if you're around her a lot, you do get to see her become overwhelmed enough, frequently enough that you start wanting to protect her from herself. That's what I kind of, that's also my role.

I think that's right. I think I, with her and with you, because it's much more than just a professional relationship. Right. I mean, I'm so grateful for the way it's all gone, just a professional relationship. I mean, I'm so grateful for the way it's all gone. So it has worked out obviously. But when I say co-dependence, I need to protect my mom. I don't want her to be upset.

So I'm gonna take care of all the stuff so she's never upset. Similarly, most bosses don't send an email to a neighbor in defense of their employee. Well, at this point, but yeah. Yeah, it goes two ways. Right, I'm not trying to, yeah, anyway. Hold on, hold on, what would happen?

I'm relating to you, I'm saying yes, I do the same for you. I do things for you that is not a employer-employee relationship, regularly. So I'm caught in the same mire as you. Yeah. What's wrong with that? Nothing, nothing, I was just throwing a little,

I mean, because I'm not really talking about present day because I think present day is so different. I mean, I know technically you're my employer, but it's like hard for me sometimes for me to like know that. I mean, just because we've grown into such a partnership. Yeah. Yeah, I was only pointing out that if you were just someone I worked with

and I found out they were being hassled by their neighbor, I probably wouldn't get involved. Can I? Yes, you would. Because you have. You did it with Peggy. Like, you do, you protect people, right? No, well, there's many, I don't,

if Rob was at war with his neighbor, I wouldn't get involved. But you're connected to this. Yes, yes. But if your current landlord was being a bully to you, I would get involved. Yeah, I mean, I thought you were actively not getting involved before, before. I was being begged by both you and Kristen

to not get involved for sure. But I've been trying to retaliate for three years. I guess I didn't really know that was so much about me, but it's nice that it was. Of course it is. There was no real major grievances that I had personally. Well, this new one was. But that's the laundry list I wrote.

That's like a throwaway at the end. The primary offense is you. Yeah. I mean, yeah. All to say the relationships are... Multifaceted. Yeah, they're so deep and... Okay, back to the connections chain though, right?

Oh yeah, okay, yeah. So all I'm saying is I am programmed and I've also worked on it, like I work on it because I don't think it's healthy for me or you or her. I'm not inquiring to challenge you or defeat you or prove that you're wrong. I'm not even challenging, I'm really trying to get specifics

because I don't like stressing people out. I do feel responsible and guilty about the fact that I am aggressive towards other men sometimes in public and the people around me have to deal with that. And I always want to apologize when I do that And I always wanna apologize when I do that, I wanna own when I do it, I wanna try to do better. So I need to know the other things or I can't really improve on them.

But it's not for you, it's not your job, it's my job. It's my job to think, okay, he asked to be on this, I don't need to think 14 steps ahead of like, well, he's gonna get texts every single day and he might not like those texts every single day. He might get annoyed that it's going off and then he might feel like he has to respond. And I don't need to do that.

That's my issue. That might be your ism, yeah. Mine's aggression, that's my ism, this worrying. But I just wanna alleviate you. I'm so excited to have new friends on this text exchange and have this dumb game to text about every day. And I've already accused one of the participants to cheating.

I know, I don't know why you did that. I don't even know who you were talking about, Robbie. Yeah, because he posted his in the night. I replied specifically to his. I said, I'm too new to the group to say this, but I smell a cheat. He is not a cheat. I'm sure he's not.

But I thought he was really cheating. I wouldn't be accusing him of it. But okay, I'm gonna teach you about reading these. Yeah. So Callie, that was Tuesday. Let's look at today. Well, let's also talk, yesterday I fucking shit the bed. I was so embarrassed to send my results to the chain.

Can I, I was so proud of you for sending that. Oh good. I really, really, really was. You did, it wasn't, you're best showing. I did terrible, yeah I did terrible. Sometimes, whatever. I only had one, if I made one more mistake, I would have failed.

Right. And. This is gonna be a good game to teach me about pausing on my decisiveness, because I'm so decisive. I usually make the mistakes in the first couple. I'm so- Because you're just moving so quick.

I got this, boom, yeah, I wanna get to the hard ones. Yeah, so yeah, you made a bunch of mistakes. You sent it to the chat. And I think that was another thing I was like, oh my God, if he doesn't get one, he's gonna be upset and then he's gonna feel like he has to send it and then he's gonna feel, I don't wanna trigger him feeling like,

stupid, because he's not, and then am I gonna have to tell everyone like, guys, just reminding you Dax is smart, like, ah. It's got an anthropology degree. Yeah. Major cum laude. What if I started like, just like. Liberal arts education.

Let's go, Gates. Hellenic studies. Yeah. But yesterday, Robbie got them perfect. And then Max got them perfect. No mistakes. And I made one mistake. Did you see that?

Yeah, yeah. So you could see, but could you tell I only got one wrong? Yeah. Okay. I can. I wanted to make sure you could tell I only got one wrong? Yeah. Okay. I can. I wanted to make sure you could tell it was only one wrong. Yep.

And then. And then. You're just, you're just screenshotting the color blocks. So you said, you send share results and it shows up like that. Oh, it's like wordled. Okay, so I made one mistake and then you made some, but then you said. No, I made a lot.

The most you can make. But you still got it though. I did I made a lot. Well, you said. The most you can make. But you still got it though. I did get it. It's not the most you can make, you can make so many that you don't get it. I didn't fail, yeah. Yeah, and so you said deeply ashamed to share this and I almost cried.

Oh, you did. And then you said, if I don't do better tomorrow, I promise to leave the group. And oh my God, I like, it's too, it's a little too much for me, I think. All of this. Well, you know, Monica, I'm doing very good with the stupid thing.

I feel totally smart enough to be in this group. Yeah, you are. I do, I do. I think that that insecurity certainly has diminished greatly. I've made a lot, a lot of progress in that. I don't even feel the urge. But then I thought, oh no, he said he's gonna leave and now everyone is gonna be like, no.

Oh God, yeah. It's fine. It'd be really embarrassing. It wasn't that bad. And like that is something, by the way, that is something Robbie would do because he's very. I did cheat. Yeah, honestly, would not be surprised if he said that. Would not be surprised. I would have done that bad too if I didn't cheat. Yeah, honestly, would not be surprised if he said that.

Would not be surprised. I would have done that bad too if I didn't cheat. He's very sweet, and so he would want you to feel good, because I said, don't ever leave, and then Robbie said, LOL, that will not be necessary. I have plenty of those. He's trying to make you feel sweet. And then you said something about being a dumb dumb,

I don't know, I just hated it. And then- Oh no, no, it was a good one, it was a good one. I'm sorry. You said, I guess being the dumb dumb could lift everyone else's spirits, maybe I'll look at it as service work. Yeah, that's funny.

It was funny, but it hurt my heart a little bit. And then- This is so very strange. Maybe I need to leave the chain for your- No, I should, this is good for me. What if you left the chain? I know, honestly, that's No, I should, this is good for me. What if you left the chamber? I know, honestly that's more likely. No, it's good for me.

This is hysterical. Anywho, it's been a real journey the past couple days with connections. I fucking love the game. Yeah, I love it too, it's so fun. Have you been impressed by me or no? I wish I like, you're not gonna like this. I don't really care. I don't really, I'm not impressed

if someone does good or bad. I don't, not at this thing. Yes, because even like when we did puzzles with AJ, you were impressed that I was getting them. Absolutely, absolutely. I was getting them. Absolutely. So. Absolutely. I think. I was very impressed. You were very quick.

Thanks. I don't know if people are spending three hours on this or they do it in two seconds. Like, I don't know. If I think if I spend an hour on it, I could get it right every day. Sometimes I don't think I could even. With an hour.

But anyway, I've just been doing really well. I just like, impressive is a 1600 on the SAT. Like connections, it's cool. Not really, cause like. I'll try to be more impressed. You don't have, you don't need to be impressed. I just, it's like none of my dads are proud of me. Oh, how dare you.

They just aren't. Oh really, have you ever seen anyone come up to me where I go, look at that house, that's Monica's house over there. I'm so proud of you, it's ridiculous. No, I want you to be proud of my brain. Connection skills, well, you just mentioned a time I was celebrating your intelligence on AJ's podcast.

Well, I had to bring it up. Oh. Anyway. Anyways, Connect had to bring it up. Oh. Anyway. Anyways, connections, really great game. Yeah, great game, great game. Okay, this is for Christina Applegate. Oh, okay, great. And this was wonderful. I have the biggest sim of all time.

Oh yeah, you wanna tell? It was while you were editing this. Yep. I was editing this show at Kara Shout Out. Then I was walking home and I had some left because I didn't wanna walk home in the dark, you know, my whole, I have to get ahead of it. So I, and I hate editing and walking.

It's really hard to do. So I don't do it that often. Yeah. You hold your laptop? No, I do it on my phone. So there's just so much pausing, and it's not fun. I don't do it very often. I only do it if I really want to get something done

by a time. Necessity. So I was walking and finishing up this edit, and I was at the part where you say that she reminds you of your sister, and I say, oh my gosh, I was at the part where you say that she reminds you of your sister and I say, oh my gosh, I was just thinking that I was gonna tell you after. Sweet Carly, Carly, Carly, Carly, you're hearing Carly.

Yes, I look up, I'm on Los Fios Boulevard and Carly is walking towards me with her dogs. You almost jumped out of your skin. I freaked out and I think I scared her because I was like, oh my God, I'm listening to Christine Applegate and she reminds us of you and then I'm talking to, like she got inundated with a lot of energy from me. She might've thought you're gacked up or something.

Yeah. And I was on The Sims. Yeah, yeah, sure, it hits. It was crazy. Being there in the moment, where she just materialized, was bizarre. Okay, weirdly, this is a perfect ding ding ding. So I dropped the kids off at school this morning,

I pulled back in the driveway, and I got my connections out in the car. I decided like, oh, now's a perfect time. Before I go in and I have to answer any questions or I'm gonna just take this time in the car. Sure, me time. Yeah, where I can really focus. And I wasn't quite finished.

And I could just see out of the corner of my eye, Kristen was exiting in her workout clothes. I'm assuming she saw me, I just pulled in five minutes before and she walks up to the door, absentmindedly. Oh, to your, the car you were in. Yes, and she grabs the driver's side door handle

and then sees me sitting. Oh, that's kind of scary. Monica. Oh my God, she screams so loud. I know exactly what she would look like seeing a ghost. Like she, it almost killed her. Yeah, that's so scary. She was like, look.

Well, you've seen her when she gets so scared, she starts crying. Oh, she cried? She was fighting it back, but her eyes were immediately glazed over. And it's so funny, because I'm just like, I'm so sweetly sitting in a car playing a game,

and to see someone get that fucking freaked out. There is nothing like that feeling. That unexpected, somebody popped at. Yeah, human is somewhere you didn't think there was any humans. It's a funny thing to do to people. Why are we so scared? I mean, I guess it's good.

Well, it's a scary world. People have been getting murdered from the beginning of time. Yeah, I know. By the way, I'm reading that brief history of intelligence that Duckworth suggested. It is a fascinating book. It's kind of wild how late into this game we got sight and hearing and all that. Most of the time these organisms are just

cruising around Earth in darkness and in silence responding to whatever they bumped into. Yeah, it's weird. Oh my God, I'm so glad we're seeing and hearing and tasting and touching and. Again, kinda weird. No, I know. Kinda weird.

How are we alive right now? I don't get it. Suspicious that. We live in a time with connections. And Carly appearing out of weird. How are we alive right now? I don't get it. Suspicious that- We live in a time with connections. And Carly appearing out of nowhere. Right. It's just, something's wrong. But I don't want to look too deep.

Okay. Okay. Now a couple of facts. Okay. She mentions a guy, Josh Richmond. Yeah. And she said everyone kind of knows him. He's friends with Robert Downey Jr.

There's an article on him. He's the godfather of the LA club scene. Yeah, I wonder, I almost feel like there might be a doc about him. Yeah, it says his clubs have defined the LA party scene. Yeah, so for me, he holds this very interesting place. So I used to go with Kareem to clubs. We would try to go dancing.

And of course, by you, led by him, I didn't really know anything about LA. But he knew. And he somehow knew Josh because his boss was friends with Josh. And so occasionally we would go to these clubs and it was like, we'd have to go up to Josh. And yeah, he's this very specific looking gentleman

who has had a cane since he was in his 20s or 30s, whatever age he is. He was older than us, but probably not much. So for, I don't know, five years of my life, he was somebody who occasionally, more often than not, didn't let me into a place. Nor should he have. I was dressed like shit and I wasn't on a TV show

and that's the kind of club it was and whatever. Like I have no reason to care. But I knew him as a figure very clearly because he was the gatekeeper of these places we would try to go. And so I have a complicated relationship with Josh that he doesn't even deserve. But for me, it does symbolize the time

I was on the outside of the party. Gag keeper, yeah. And he's totally nice. I've been around him with Downey, I've been around him with different people, but it's hard for me to escape the five years of going, oh, there's that fucking guy, he's not gonna let us in. Yeah. Yeah.

And now you've done it to people. What? Are you talking about? Well, we have, we have done it to people. What? Are you talking about? Well, we have. We have done it to people. I think about that sometimes. It's the reality of business, but we say no to people. Yeah.

And it's just the truth. Well, we have a finite amount, and the club has a finite amount of capacity. Listen, he is the king. He has promoted all these clubs for all these years and been very successful. So I'm owning it. When I see him, it reminds me of my insecurity.

Yeah, of course. Yes. I know, I'm not. But even when she brought him up, I don't know what my reaction was in the episode, but it's so loaded for me. Oh, wow. They're even hearing, yeah, Josh, the guy with the cane.

I'm like, ugh. I feel insecure. Oh, when we would get in though, boy, what fun it was. It was so fun. I do not like clubs. Oh, I love insecure. Oh, when we would get in though, boy, what fun it was. It was so fun. I do not like clubs. I love them. I really miss them. What?

You said the other day when you were like, if I never step foot- In a party. A club is a party on crack, literally. A club for me is a dance floor. Like I went to clubs to dance and I love to dance and there's so many exciting people on the dance floor. It's like visual, but Boknalia.

Right. Going and standing in a loud place, trying to converse with people and then move to another group of people and never dance, I don't like that. I see. All right. Okay, the Kugen account is 15% of gross earnings.

That's not a lot. No, that's not. No. Okay, the lineup for Married with Children, we were talking about the other shows we were on that night. It was 21 Jump Street. Fuck, what a show. And the Tracy Allman show.

It was Tracy Allman. You know, for a new network to come out of the gates, What a show. And the Tracy Allman show. It was Tracy Allman. You know, for a new network to come out of the gates, think how many shows NBC, ABC, CBS, they launch every fall. Yeah. Vast majority don't stick. But 21 Jump Street was a massive hit that ran and so it launched John Depp.

I know. And then Married with Children. And Tracy Allman Show was great. And they launched The Simpsons. Yeah, I guess when it started, the first week it was just Married with Children and the Tracy Allman Show. Then the next week it was the three shows.

Oh wow. Okay. And Kelly was hot. Yeah, sure. I mean, come on. If you're a teenage boy, you had Melissa Milano on Who's the Boss. You just had a handful of people your age

that you could see on TV. Blossom. No, she was a little past me. My Ambialic. Right, that was my sister loved Blossom. Oh yeah, I love Blossom. Yeah, but for me it was basically Alyssa Milano and Applegate.

Well, or what's her name from bewitched? Samantha yeah, that's before me, but yeah, Elizabeth something Montgomery Okay, yeah, I guess well, you know what one it got made me feel weird as a kid was I dream of jean Oh, yeah, cuz she was kind of sexy. She was sexy, yeah. Yeah, and I was like eight. And like this woman is in a weird outfit and she's like. Her belly's out. Yeah, it was very provocative.

The other show that made me feel crazy was Benny Hill, which came on very late at night. If I was up really late on a weekend night. Was it black and white? And it was like. And it was like fast,e dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee. And it was like fast, they would do fast motion. And like Benny would be chasing a woman around the backyard.

And like women were often in bra and underwear. Oh my God. Yeah, it was an English show. Well, there was like women in lingerie on it all the time. I mean it was supposed to be sexy. It was a comedy show, Benny Hill show. But there was often women in negliges and stuff. But it was in black and white?

I think it was in color, but, does that song ring a bell though? Da-ding-da-ding-da-ding-da-ding-da-ding-da. That's the Benny Hill theme song. That's crazy. Wow. Wow. So much to learn.

Okay, the show was called Not the Cosbys originally. She said Not the Cosby Show. Okay, really close. Very, very close. That would just be one wrong unconnected. Exactly. Icarus, Icarus has come up a few times. We like that one now.

I think people are very familiar with the term flew too close to the sun, but I don't know if they know it comes from Icarus. Exactly. Why did Icarus fly so close to the sun? As they were approaching the island of Samos, Icarus turned arrogant. He felt an unconquerable urge to fly towards heaven,

as close to the sun as he could. Ignoring his father's warnings, he flew higher and higher until the wax that held the wings together melted and he began falling at speed. Oh no, Icarus. I know. Don't get too cocky. Recklessness.

I'm gonna fly directly into the sun and blow it up. Oh. Yeah, he drowned, he drowned. Oh, we lost him. So he was killed by his arrogance. That would also drowned, he drowned. Oh, we lost him. So he was killed by his arrogance. That would also then be hubris. Exactly, another. Another Hellenic studies, liberal arts education.

And Achilles heel in some ways. That's a little different. I think he's more like a sympathetic character, right? Yeah, it is more sympathetic. It's like that's his soft spot, basically. Yeah, he was like invincible, but. I know, but when I think about Achilles heel in modern day, I think of it as a personality component. Like the part of you that is the part that could take you down.

Very fallible. Yeah. Pathos. Hellenic studies. Pathos, Polonic Studies. Let's see here. Okay, she said she had read something about how children's DNA gets sort of implanted in the mother's brain. Yeah, I think she's thinking of the epigenome. It passes on.

Right, well there's an article in sciencenews.org, with a very cute baby picture. And it says in here, fetal cells are probably sprinkled throughout a mother's brain. A study of women who had died in their 70s found that over half of the women had male DNA, a snippet from the Y chromosome in their brains, presumably from when their sons were in the womb. Scientists often look for male DNA in women

because it's easier than distinguishing a daughter's DNA from her mother's. If DNA from daughters were included, the number of women with children's cells in their brains would probably be higher. Ding ding ding, if you look at your text from me, I have forwarded you an article that Kristen forwarded me yesterday that is so fascinating.

And it's a ding ding ding to Noah Hawley. It's an Atlantic article about, now that we have such comprehensive DNA testing on a database, the prevalence of incest, the real rate of it is kind of becoming known. And it's so much higher than previously assumed. Really? Yeah, and remember Noah Hawley was saying

his mother had written about it extensively, and they were saying it was like a one in a million occurrence, and this article quotes that as that having been the previous assumption, but now there's a database that says it's one in 7,000, but it's worse than that because that's incest that resulted in a pregnancy that didn't miscarry, not an abortion, actually was delivered.

What? So if you work backwards, the numbers, the incident rate is way, way higher than that. The article's about like a guy that he had been adopted and he had known the story that the family had come in, 14 year old girl had the baby and then they all fled and they had given fake names at the hospital. And then he came to learn through DNA testing

because he wanted to find his mom that they call it, I forget the term, I gotta memorize it, it was a really good term, it was like homeogeneity of something. There's too long of a section of your DNA that is suspicious. So they can pretty much tell. And through tons of investigation, he was the result

and he didn't know forever if it was the father in the 14 year old girl or the older brother. And he discovered it was the older brother. Yeah. And there's. But he doesn't know them, right? Well, he has tried to get in touch and then he started this community and there's now a large community in this Facebook group of all of people who have discovered this and the amount of shame that they have

and they feel defective and then, we've been raised on incest results, recessive genes materializing, all this stuff. And they were basically saying that that is true, but it's a very low incident rate, actually. Like our fear of having somebody get infected is very low. And so, we're just trying to get people to be aware of that. of genes materializing all this stuff. And they were basically saying that that is true,

but it's a very low incident rate, actually. Like our fear of having some kind of recessive monster, it's like one in a hundred. It's not as bad. But that feeling that you're like this recessive monster and that you're the product of something terrible. And it's a great article. It makes you realize like this group,

I of course was seeing the parallel, it's like this group is first names only. And I was like, yeah, it's just like alcoholism in the 30s. And so, yeah, it's taboo, it makes you people uncomfortable to talk about, but also I feel like we're aiding in that shame by not. I know. In the same way that like we should just talk about that shame by not. I know. In the same way that like we should just talk about addiction

and we should talk about all these things and eating disorders and all this stuff. And people should just feel fine about the hand they were dealt. I agree, but also to be first one up or like be these token symbols, it also sucks. It's like I have to take one for the team here. Am I willing to do that?

And I understand if the answer is no. Wow. Okay, I found a New Yorker about misheard lyrics, but now it's like not, I'm trying to sign in. And it's not letting me sign in. But I'm gonna try a different one, but I wanted it to be the New Yorker, because reputable, but.

Very trusted. I guess not. Okay, we're gonna have to go with Hollywood Reporter. It's a little bit different, but. Little bit different. Okay, common misheard lyrics. In sync, it's gonna be me. People think it's gonna be May.

Oh, I don't even know what song. Can you sing it? No, I won't sing it. Do you wanna sing it, Rob? No. Okay, Dancing Queen. Abba. Feel the beat on the tangerine.

But the correct lyric is feel the beat on the tambourine. Yeah, that's the easy mistake. Okay, Starship, we built this city. We built this city on rock and roll. Okay, this article, we built the city on sausage rolls. No, no one's ever heard that. No one said that. Okay, also, oh my God.

Okay, this is the Beatles, I Wanna Hold Your Hand. Some people think it's I Wanna Hold Your Ham. I wanna hold your ham. I wanna hold your ham. I do wanna hold everyone's ham. Is there the same one from the New Yorker? They are? Yeah.

Oh wow, was this like a national poll resulted in this? The ham, people really think that. Come on. They think I wanna hold your ham. I do wanna hold people's ham though. Sausage rolls is on there too. What? Okay, and then the next one is Bon Jovi living on a prayer.

It doesn't make a difference if we make it or not is the real lyric. I guess some people think it doesn't make a difference if we're naked or not. Oh, well it would make a a difference if we're naked or not. Oh, well it would make a big difference if we were naked. Right. Yeah, that would be a lie. John Bon Jovi doesn't lie, slash John Jovi.

I know, I love him. Remember we interviewed John Jovi. I know. Yeah, John John. Okay, My Heart Will Go On. No, no. What is that song? Hold that one song. It's in Titanic, the big song in Titanic.

Celine Dion. Oh, Celine Dion. Yeah. Celine Dion. The line, I believe that the heart does go on is sometimes replaced with, I believe that the hot dogs go on. No. No.

No, no, no, no. This is interesting though, because this happened this morning. Erin and I were arguing about the lyrics for Diarrhea. Diarrhea. So we're making posters for Tiger's opening day for Ted Seger's. For Tiger's opening day making posters for Tiger's Opening Day for Ted Segers. For Tiger's Opening Day.

Yeah, Tiger's Opening Day of baseball. Oh! In Detroit. Oh, oh, oh. Which is virtually a state holiday opening day. Oh, cool. Huge day. Kind of symbolizes spring. Oh. Is it that way in Chicago too? Opening day is like, it's almost like

summer's around the corner. It's a huge day. Fun. So we made these different posters and I wrote different taglines, but Aaron had written, when you're rounding first and you feel an insatiable thirst, Ted Seegies, Ted Seegies.

And I said, I think it's sliding into first. Yeah, that's how I know it. I think that's how everyone knows it. This is so rare that when you're rounding first. It doesn't sound right. No, that's just because he knows baseball so well. And then he tried to tell me people don't slide into first. And I was like, I don't play baseball, but I know people slide into first.

Well, you're not supposed to. You're told not to, but people do. I see it all the time. I watch very few games. It's the only base you can run through. So your momentum is actually better to keep trying to run, but people do slide into first. Yeah, okay

All this it's because he knows Baseball so well inside baseball. This is the first time it's literal. Oh my god. He's too inside baseball Baseball that he can't see that people took liberties Yes, when you're rounding pass first and you feel that insatiable thirst, Ted Seguis. That's funny. Yeah, but it should be sliding into first, right? I guess I don't have skin in the game there. I both are funny, it makes sense to me.

Do you wanna think of diarrhea right before you order a beer though? Well, no. If I'm being honest, no, I don't. But I thought that was a not a good, I thought you guys are definitely using that. No, no, no, no, we're picking, we're not gonna make five posters. So I was like, I love it. It's really funny But I don't want anyone to think about diarrhea this beer does cause diarrhea and guys like diarrhea

Targeted more men, right? My god guys like diarrhea like a diarrhea diarrhea joke. Sure, sure, sure. I just don't know if they then want to get thirsty for something, I don't know. I just like, well, let's just keep it away from diarrhea, even though I like it. Yeah. Then I made up some new lyrics

once we were fighting about it. You wanna hear them? Mm-hmm. Okay. When you're shittin' in your pants and it makes you wanna dance diarrhea. Oh, that's good. That's nice, right? We need some new lyrics.

Here's another one. When you hear a big old thud cause you sprayed your shorts with mud, harness renas. The only logic I'll poke in the thud one is if it's spraying, you're not getting the thud. I know, I just tried to rhyme something with mud. I know, but I think you would,

mud and thud is right It's just the spraying part. All right. Okay when you fill your shorts bless your shorts with my ass Yeah, cuz that would thud. Yeah Anyways get some Ted Segers Ted Segers calm And pound them. I have to say one of my very favorite Drinking memories of my entire life. You know, you have some, do you have favorites? Yeah.

Yeah, what are a couple of yours? No, you tell me yours. Well, I went with Aaron and Brian Bollas and we went down to Tiger's opening day and we were 19. Bollas had a fake ID and we got these 64 ounce jugs of Colt 45. It's two zigzags. What's that? It's a song.

Oh, it is? Afro man. Oh, guys. I'm so young, I wanna be on that text chain about whatever lyrics that is. But yeah, we each had a couple 64 ounces, so 128 ounces of Colt 45. We tried to go into the game, we couldn't.

We hung in the parking lot. We just had, it was the perfect sunny day. Everyone was excited about opening day. These malt liquors tasted so good. It was the perfect buzz. That's a highlight memory. That's good. Yeah, and I was 19, I was like, I like this.

I like getting drunk in a parking lot. I mean, yeah, tailgating definitely is up there for me as far as just life memory. It's as good as it gets. Yeah, you're outdoors. Fucking the spirits right. Yeah, it's really special. Robbie, was it ever your thing?

I didn't drink till I turned 21. Oh wow. Such a good boy. Well, I had a beer in Canada two weeks before my 21st birthday, because it was legal in Canada. Yeah, 19. Oh yeah. Well, I was 20, but I was allowed to have it.

Oh, I'm just saying that the other age is 19. Did you like the taste? No, I didn't even finish it. Yeah, I remember the first time I tried beer and it was so disgusting. I could not believe people would drink it. Oh, I liked it immediately. I hated it, but then I grew to like it.

It's delicious. I grew to like it too. I had beer snobby. Yeah, you like this. You got into the hole. Okay, now. How long we been at this? I don't know.

Hour 10. Oh God, okay. That's it. That's convincing. All right. So we gotta go. Love you. Love you.