Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Dave Burd (Lil Dicky)

Episode Date: January 22, 2024

Dave Burd (Dave, Penith, Professional Rapper) is a rapper and actor. Dave joins the Armchair Expert to discuss how he has no sense of direction without GPS, why he thought it was important to share his medical condition with the world, and the comedians he idolized growing up. Dave and Dax talk about how much pressure there is to go to college to achieve success, how he was exposed to content creation, and how much they value the opinions of their peers. Dave explains how he balances making music and a television show, what a hype man is, and how giving love can be as rewarding as receiving it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Dave Padman. Hello. We have an incredible guest today. Do you think my name would be Dave if I was a boy? Ooh, no, it'd be Neil if you were a boy. That's already been proven by the fact that your kids-

That's too easy. Okay, so back up to Neil. I think your name would be Samantha. Ew. Well, I love that. Well, no, I know it's the best name in the world. People would call you Sam. If I was a gal, that's not what's being asked, but if I was a gal, what name would I want?

Lincoln, obviously. I gave it to my daughter. You're just going through the people we already know. No, obviously. Pardon. Obviously, my favorite name for a girl is Lincoln. That's why I gave it. That's why you did it.

Yeah. But it can't be your favorite. It's who you are. Bernadette, you need to call me Bernie. Oh, you're not a Bernie. All right, well. See, you have probably the association of sex in the city with Samantha. Oh, I didn't even think about that.

But don't you think it's in there? Deep recesses of your... That's exactly where I went. You did too. That's a male thing that you guys think that. I don't. I think of Samantha as, it's like a beautiful name, often shortened to Sam, which is like playful. Playful, fun.

Yeah. Cat and fun. Yeah. Cat and Sam. Yeah. Okay, so our guest today, you probably, well, there's many different ways you may know him. You might know him as Lil Dicky, his rap name. Yes. And you might just know him as Dave from his incredible show on FX. Yep.

But his name is Dave Bird. Yeah. And there is a funny little thing that happens that we'll address immediately into this episode. But Dave is a rapper, a comedian, and an actor. And his show is called Dave. His past album, Professional Rapper, was hugely successful. He has some videos that have 750 million views. Crazy. Which is mind-boggling. But he has a new album out that took me the entire episode to finally learn how to pronounce, but alas I can do it. Peanoth.

Which is the Dave soundtrack. He's had numerous songs on the show Dave and he's whittled that down to his favorites and is releasing them as a full album called Peanoth. Please enjoy Dave Bird. Trip Planner by Expedia.

You were made to have strong opinions about sand. We were made to help you and your friends find a place on a beach with a pool and a marina and a waterfall and a soaking tub. Expedia. Made to travel. He's an upchair expert. He's an entrepreneur He's an entrepreneur Hey guys. Where are you coming from? Venice. Do you got a squirt?

Squirt? Go pee pee? Go pee pee? No, but I am thirsty. Yeah, so we've got all kinds of options for you. We've got different kinds of water. Oh yeah. We've got an NA beer. We've got different kinds of water. Oh yeah. We've got Henny beer, we've got a Diet Coke, and we have coffee.

We have spearmint tea. We have a really nice olive oil. Alright, I have all the fluids. You came all the way from Venison, you don't have to go pee, but okay. And that scares me. We can always stop and go pee. There's just no door on it, so generally we allow the guests to... Just the bathroom?

Yeah. So what if I said I had to pee you'd all leave yeah we would leave unless we were invited to stay do you have the same thing i had when i was a young man where it's like if i was at someone's house and there were girls with an earshot of the bathroom i really hope my pee sounded really thunderous when it hit the toilet i haven't thought about that but i believe in that line of thinking yeah yeah oh then i have to ask you the big question about pink. Sit down.

We need to get this all on film. You guys don't have a blanket. Yeah. Yeah, there's one behind you, or you can use this quilt of our faces. I know that quilt is very comfortable. It's not that comfortable. Yeah, it's cool. Why is it colder in here than it is outside?

I know. It's freezing in here. No, you can. It's freezing in here. Listen, you're too young to have gotten to do Letterman, so let this be your cold experience. Sure. Because the Ed Sullivan Theater when he was there was famously 59 degrees. Why do they do that?

He likes it crisp. Makes him sharper. You can relate to that, right? It's never like when it's sweltering, you're fucking popping sharp ideas. No. I'm already going to go down with it. Or greasy. Right. When I. No. I'm already in a ground wave. Or greasy. Right.

When I'm cold, I'm less greasy. Well, at the Golden Globes, everyone was freezing because it was so windy. And on the red carpet, people were not sharper. I'll just say that. Oh, they weren't. They were flying past sharpness. They were in pain. You can be too cold.

Yeah. Well, then that kind of veers into maybe high altitude sickness, kind of oxygen deprivation, not thinking clearly as you're freezing to death. Wind. If there was any sort of fan on, I wouldn't be able to do this. You wouldn't? No. If I felt the wind graze me. Because it would distract you.

I don't like the feeling. When I'm cold. Yeah. When I'm hot, it's a nice feeling. It's a breeze. Is this the right distance? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You sound great.

Okay, wait. The question. The big question. The big question. Because we were talking about peeing and my friend Liz and I have a question about men peeing outside. You know where she's going with this? I do.

Because he's been asked. Two questions. One about men peeing outside and I wanted to know if that was American. You know how men just pee a lot outside. So we were talking to some British and Australian people. They said it's less so there. Will we agree there's less privacy there? Are you talking about people in London?

Like, if you ask people in New York City if they pee outside, no one's peeing outside. People in the yards pee outside, I think. Yeah, but they're like at a barbecue and then they just go in the corner and pee. It's still in front of everyone. It's definitely a cultural thing. But also, when you have friends over or girls over.

Hold on, now, can he answer that part? If he's about to peen? Do you ever pee? Do you pee outside a lot? I know that's more of an experiment. It was probably, do you pee outside a lot? Do you pee outside a lot? Yeah, I don't know what a lot means.

Like at a barbecue, would you do that? Well, especially if it was a nighttime barbecue. But I feel like there are plenty of times that I've noticed in the past decade where I'm at a gathering, we're outside, and I ask the homeowner, I say, can I go pee anywhere out here? It feels weirdly more respectful, doesn't it? To keep... What? It doesn't

feel more respectful. No, I don't want to go inside. Other guests will be like, why don't you just use the toilet? I like peeing in, like, mulch. You do? You like the sensation? Because it dampens the sound when it hits? It's not, like, transcendently better than peeing inside. I just don't like the sensation. Because it dampens the sound when it hits. It's not like transcendently better than peeing inside. I just don't like inefficient movement. Yeah.

So why walk more? I'm already out there. It's just pee. I wouldn't shit out there. Well, in a pinch you would, but. If you had. But I think it's considered because I'm neurotic about my plumbing. Even though it's new, I'm like, I don't love the idea of having a party in the toilet flushes every nine minutes.

I think something's going to break. I've never even thought about plumbing. You haven't? Not once in my life. It's the first time I've ever thought about plumbing. Did you grow up with a septic tank or on city sewage? No idea. I've never even thought about it.

No clue. Okay. Functional toilet, for sure. Okay. One of the key ways I would not get my allowance as a child was I used to always forget to flush. My parents, they said, that's how we knew you had ADD. It's also a kid thing. I have two daughters, they don't have ADD

and I find shits in the toilet nonstop. And I'm like, of all things you could remember, you just did, it's take a dump. Is there at least toilet paper they're remembering to wipe? Well, listen, yes, at this age, but trust me early on, first thing I'd be like, fuck, you didn't flush.

And I'm like, side note, where's the toilet paper? You gotta get back in here and wipe. Cause that's a little kid thing to do too. Don't forget. Child entitlement. There's a lot of that in this world. Okay, wait. The second part of the question is if you have a girl over, do you pee with the door open? Within the first three dates, would you pee with the door open ever?

No. I like that. Just because I know social etiquette would say that's kind of inappropriate. Exactly. I wouldn't be uncomfortable, but it's not worth it. I don't care enough. I have to just close the door. No. Just because I know social etiquette would say that's kind of inappropriate. Exactly. I wouldn't be uncomfortable, but it's not worth it. I don't care enough. I have to just close the door. Okay. I like that. But back to your original claim that you hate inefficient movements, that certainly is an extraneous

thing to open and close a door. That's true. Keep me straight. Love 15. Yeah. Do you live in Venice? I do, but I just got a new house, so I'm moving. Where are you moving to? Studio City. Okay, perfect.

So you're coming this way. Yeah. I've always lived on the west side of LA since I've lived here. Santa Monica, Venice area. How many years? 2014, so 10. So I lived in Santa Monica. First 10 years I lived here.

Had no idea what was happening. That's where I landed and I stayed. Yeah, kind of similar. And then I found a house just a thousand feet that way. And then I moved here. I was like, what was I doing there for 10 years? I didn't even look around. I like this so much more. Why? Just so I know. Well, Santa Monica. Now Venice is different. But I lived in Santa Monica for like five of the 10 years. Right. And by the way, it's gotten better since you've lived there than when I was there 95 to 05, which is no

young people, no good restaurants, no pop-up stuff, no vibe. This is like East Village. Santa Monica lacks vibe. It does. But Venice is really vibey. Maybe too vibey. Maybe, but I've never been to like South America, but I just imagine that's what it feels like.

When I walk around Venice, it feels like I'm in a different land. It doesn't feel like LA. I find a lot of LA, even though it's beautiful weather, I just find a lot of it to be unsightly. Like I don't want to live in West Hollywood. So Venice is really charming. Now the plots of land in Venice. They're like 7,000 square feet.

You can't really expand. I don't have the yard to pee in. I'm peeing in potted plants. Exactly. You have to go to the actual toilet. Yeah. It's so embarrassing. Yeah.

Okay. Well, that's going to be great Studio City because you've got- We love Studio City. The lodge. Sportsman's Lodge. I live near that lodge. Oh, good to meet you. I can walk to that lodge. great studio city because you've got we love studio city the lodge sportsman's lodge i live near that lodge oh i can walk to that lodge i'll tell you the thing that i am the least good at in life is geography sense of direction knowing where things are you could plot me down in my hometown

of cheltenham pennsylvania if i didn't have a gps i would just be sleeping in my car even if i'm like eight minute drive away from my home i have no idea where where anything is. I know that where I live is the West because it's close to the water. Other than that, I don't know where like Pasadena is compared to West Hollywood. I know Silver Lake is like right, more towards the interior of America. And East and West and North and South

are a little confusing here because you're on the one and one going North and South and then all of a sudden you're going East and West. I don't know anything about highway, Uber everywhere. Oh, you do? Yeah. Do you own a car? I do.

It's a waste of money. I'm not a good driver. Because of the direction thing? Maybe. I mean, if there is a correlation between spatial, like I actually thrived in school in every subject except geometry. Could not succeed. I had a tutor two times a week, poured my heart into geometry, and the best I could

do is get a C. But I was getting A's everywhere else. Right. Well, you were summa cum laude. Yeah. Spatial recognition is not my, if you're like moving a table into a room. I was getting A's everywhere else. Right. Well, you were summa cum laude. Yeah. Spatial recognition is not my... If you're like moving a table into a room, I cannot help navigate how the

doorway... I'm just saying, I don't have any of that. You have a ton of that. You guys would be fucked if you lived together. You'd have to invite a third person into the marriage to handle these things. But luckily there's AI and tech that handles all of this for us. It's the right time for us. It might be.

I guess you could maybe get through. I've yet to see the AI model that moves a couch into a room. I have a huge fear of just maps and the GPS system just going down one day. Of course. And what I would do. There's no way I could get in a car from here without maps and get home. Right. I would have to sleep at a hotel.

You might not ever get home. Until the maps were restored. Okay, can I tell you the most embarrassing thing? It's an embarrassment for me. Yeah. I was looking at the schedule. I know you as Dave. I know you as Lil Dicky.

And I didn't know your last name. Bird. So in my schedule for the last week, I've been seeing Dave Bird. And for me, we do experts, right? We do professors. Yeah. Yes.

You thought it was a physicist. I did all last night. I'm like, I got to get on that pretty early tomorrow because it's probably some topic I don't know a ton about. That's funny. And then when I realized it was you, I was elated. I sent both of them a text just cheering for joy. I was so happy that it was you.

I'm happy that it worked out. I mean, I love Dave so much. Thank you. We have the same affinity for Brad Pitt. I've dedicated most of my life to worshiping him. Have you met him? Yeah. He's better than you imagine.

Really? Tell us. Takes your breath away. When he walks on set, I'm not kidding, like literally he takes my breath away. Walks around with such a sense of purpose. He treats everyone so well, but he does it in a cool way. Yeah, he's not placating. No, he's just like cool.

No pandering. No. Yeah, it's legit. It's so legit. Yeah, the circle in which I met him, what I noticed is that he almost instinctually spent the most amount of time learning the names of the people that were on paper lowest status.

Yeah. And I was like, this is a very cool move. He was really inspiring. I can't say enough good things about the man. And we're going to get to how on earth that ended up coming to be. Yeah. But I'm like everyone else. I just fucking love the show so much.

Thank you. It's just so incredible. I appreciate it. I'm just tickled to get to hear your story. Nor did I know it. I'm kind of embarrassed as well. It's good. Isn't that better?

Well, it is for me because now it's exciting and I'm not regurgitating shit I knew a long time ago. But you already mentioned Pennsylvania, a suburb of Philadelphia. Yep, Cheltenham. What did mom and dad do? My mom is a therapist. Wonderful. Yep, my dad is a teacher. What variety? Business administration. My childhood, he had two jobs. One, he was doing pension plan stuff and then he transitioned into teaching. Does he manage your money for you? He doesn't manage it, but he's certainly looped in. Okay, good. That's nice. He's aware.

That's Monica's dad. Yeah. He's not the business manager, but he's all over it. He has to know everything. Yeah, how could he not? Because he was the business manager until you got a business manager. Is that fair to say? He was doing your taxes and stuff.

Well, I don't like to look at my finances. Me neither. It's overwhelming. It's like geometry. It's like I can't understand it, so I just have to ignore it. And then when you have a dad, they're like, you can't ignore it. And so they take that on.

And you guys are virtually the same age, so. Oh, wow. I'm inclined for anything you guys agree on for me to chalk it up as your generation, which would be really a ridiculous way to proceed. Are you not a millennial? No. I'm 75. I'm old. You're 88? He's I'm 75. Yeah. I'm old. You're 88. He's born in 75.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. 90 is 75 years old. Oh, that was confusing. Yeah, I think so. Oh, I thought you were just making a good joke. Yeah. No. I hope to make some of those for you, but that wasn't one of them.

1975, I was born. My birthday was last week. I'm 49 years old. You're 13, 14 years older than me. That's significant. I could have had you. Well. I only had a single pregnancy

scared in my life and it was in junior high. Oh my god. It was the only one I ever had. You were fucking at 13? I was. I wasn't even close. When were you? That was my second spit take of this. Don't make that a thing. I know. I don't want to exploit it. I was like 1920.

In college. But it wasn't even in college. It was the summer after freshman year of college. Didn't you go to Jewish camp every year? Mm-hmm. Why didn't you get laid there? Oh, my God. Laid? What do you mean?

Are people not having sex at these camps? They're not having sex. Blow jobs. Blow jobs. Fingering, all that. But you got to understand, me, until age 18, 19, was like a total non-starter for any girl or woman. Okay.

I just was like the nasty boy who would do anything to make everyone. First off, I wasn't traditionally attractive. I don't know. I was watching the early videos of you today. That's when I was like 25 years old. You're super cute. What do you mean? I'm talking about when I was like 12 years old.

Okay. You were all fucked up. That's adolescence. A lot of my friends, like popular, cool guys. And I was popular. You're class clown. Class clown. But I was very sweet and I would have A lot of my friends, like popular, cool guys. And I was popular. You're class clown. Class clown, but I was very sweet, and I would have a lot of best friends who I was in love with. And then after like three years, maybe they'd realize, wait a minute, maybe you're who I should kiss right now.

And I'd have like a two-week window, and then I'd, yeah. But I imagine you deeply wanted to be kissing girls. Oh, yeah. Stroking and fingering and all that. Yes. More just the connection romantically then, because I'm sure you're aware that I was born with a fucked up dick. Tangled urethra.

Exactly. Not everyone knows that. I didn't know that. For the audience that doesn't know. Yes, I was born, I had this thing called, I still have it, hypospadias. I think there was actually a few issues that were happening. One, there was hypospadias, which is like your pee hole's in the wrong spot. Not at the end of your glands.

No, it's like on the bot. It's like, but honestly, it's close. I didn't even know. I put together the puzzle pieces of what everything meant when I was like 15. Another issue was separate to that. My urethra was tangled. So they had to do surgery and untangle it. So there's scars.

You had five surgeries or something? Not five. Oh, okay. I'm going to exaggerate. Two, okay. Not five. Five, you might not have a dick. One of the surgeries caused these little things called sutures to start popping up, which

honestly looked like poppy seeds, like just growing on your dick. And I was like, mom, we got to get rid of these poppy seeds. And then one of the poppy seeds, I can't remember this. I can just tell you the facts at hand. Where there was a poppy seed is now just like a very small hole. Because was it a bit of thread that had dissolved or come out when the sutures were removed? I don't know. I just know that now when I pee, it comes out of two holes.

Okay, great. So all the better to be in the backyard. Every time I pee, I pee a little bit on my nuts. Sure. My nuts have just been soaked with piss the whole life. Right. But it's antiseptic. It's fine.

You know what I wanted to say, though? A, it's so admirably vulnerable that you did go into that in season one. There's a big secret my whole life prior to. I'm sure it was fucking killing you. Yeah, it was. When I lost my virginity, my thought wasn't, yes, I lost my virginity. My main thought was, yes, I have a functional dick. Right.

I didn't know if it would function properly. My erections curved a little bit. That haunted me. It's all I thought about. Just that. Yeah. You're obsessed with this notion that your penis has to look exactly like the ones you've seen in pornography. Yeah. Okay. But back to the tangled urethra and the hypo ruin reading about today. It's common. One in every 250 male births has this. That's right. So what I wanted to say was in a country with almost 200 million men, I'm certain that you putting that on season one made

almost a million guys just go like, oh my God, thank God. For sure. I've received emails. I bet. It's like very sweet when I think about how much they must have also been just fucking whacked over this. Paralyzed by it. I love that. That's one of my favorite things to do in art is to

make people feel better about whatever they're going through. Yeah. I have a similar kink. I talk pretty openly about stuff that's quite shameful and embarrassing. We're all going through some shit. Dick or no dick. That's right. Okay. Somehow we got on your penis really quick. What I was saying was I actually wasn't in a rush to go far. I wanted to be in love. There were times where opportunities were on the table and I was like, I'm not going to go there tonight because I'm not ready. And then once it started and you got over it, were you like, why did I make that much out of it?

For sure. As an adult, I can sit down with a group of men and take them through my dick and they would be fascinated. You would be on the ground laughing. Your eyes would be wide. But from what I gather, I just think most women,

maybe they don't care, but I just think they don't necessarily know what a dick is supposed to look like. It's all the same. As long as they're feeling pleasure from it, that's all that really matters. This is a thousand percent true because I've asked my wife, if I lined up 20 of the dicks that you've had, would you be able to pair them with the guys? Yeah. And she's like, no. Now, I'll say this.

My parents said it's enough of the dick stuff. They have. They said, I'm so sick of every interview and everything you do. We're not talking about this because I think it's like slapstick funny. I just think it's a defining trait. So, mom and dad, if you're listening. Well, look, I think it's clear that that's not the spirit of how we're talking. Good.

I'm not like, bro, I heard you fucking. My boys tell me your dick's fucked up. What's going on? That's not happening. Mom and dad, cut everyone some slack here. Okay, so when you go away to college, obviously by this point you already love music and I'm assuming you love comedies.

Yeah, I didn't grow up thinking I was going to be a musician. I grew up thinking I was going to be like the next great comedian. Right, wonderful. Who are you looking up to at that point? Adam Sandler, Larry David, Seth Rogen. Superbad came out right around then. Will Smith. Oh, sure.

Talk about an inspiration. A funny comedy rapper from Philadelphia who really defined cool. Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, top three show of all time for me. And then he's in Bad Boys, and you're like, wait, he's a bad motherfucker too? Bad Boy. And then he's Ali? He's everything. Yeah, what a journey to follow.

I looked up to Allen Iverson. Okay, AI. Talk about a guy instilling hip-hop culture in you. My God was Allen. 13 years old, he's taking us to the finals on his back. Yeah, and he's so good looking. And he's so cool. I mean, yes, with the fucking huge diamond earrings.

They're having to change the rules of how you dress because he's so culturally ahead. No, he was. He was the coolest ever. So when you go into college, though, well, clearly you end up getting a career before you pursue any of this. But are you thinking, I'm going to go there and just get this thing, make my parents happy, or I'm going to go there and I'm going to study something that I'll turn into a career? First off, not going to college just didn't feel like something that people did, unless you were like Mark Zuckerberg. Yeah, totally. I went there.

I'm just realistic. I was like, look, I obviously have pie-in-the-sky dreams, but none of those pie-in-the-sky dreams are going to happen during this four-year period of college, and they're probably not going to happen for the three years after college as well. So if my pie-in-the-sky dreams of being the next Larry David don't come true, which even though I certainly believe it, I'm also just a logical human being, I would like to be set up to where the most realistic version of my life would still be relatively satisfying. So I thought, what do I love to do the most? Be creative. What is a career in corporate America where creativity is allowed and valued? Advertising. What schools have good marketing undergraduate programs? University of

Richmond. So I really went in there from the beginning being like, I'm trying to position myself to get hired at a great ad agency. And I did. Yeah. What was college experience like? Because if you're summa cum laude, I'm going to say that a lot to you because I was magna and I wish people would bring it up more in interviews when I'm on. What a waste of effort. It is. That's why I made my- You never hear about it again. That's truly why I made my first album art, my resume, because I feel as though I put so much work from the age of 18 to like 24 into getting that resume. And then I became a professional rapper and it all felt like all that effort for what? And I was like, I need to highlight.

So it's front and center. My GPA, I just worked so hard. Yeah, good. So I want to just keep drilling this in. Summa cum laude. This is huge. This is above magna. Also.

Thank you. Yeah. Monica was summa. I was. Go dogs. Go dogs. What are the Richmond, Virginia? Go what?

Spiders. Spiders. The Spideys. Wow. Spidey senses. Yeah. So freshman year, Richmond is very preppy. Oh, right.

Old South money. Yeah, everyone's wearing, like, purple pants and croquis. Initially, I was like, whoa, are these people my people? I don't know. I might transfer. And I knew that if I got really good grades, what you don't realize is in high school, you get your grades and you have very limited options of how far you can take it. My mom and dad were like, don't even apply to any Ivy League school. But if you get like a 4.0 freshman year at

any reasonable university, you can just transfer to like Harvard. Oh, you can? Yes, you can transfer to Penn. If you get a 4.0 at University of Richmond, you can go to any Ivy League school. It's weird. So I worked so hard freshman year to get good grades. And then by the end of freshman year, I kind of found my people. And I was like, I actually like it here. But my GPA was so good that I was like, I can't let this go. So competitively, I was like, I can't let it get lower. And I just worked so hard to have a 393 GPA. Your margin for error is so slim, as I'm sure you know. You can include me. I mean, it's different. Well, the schooling one to two is a lot harder. But anyways, continue.

I just wanted to put myself in the best position to live my ideal life, which in my ignorant brain was get the best grades, you're going to get the best job interview opportunities. No, there's something beautifully Buddhist about this, which is you do the best that you can do at whatever thing you're fucking doing. That's what college taught me, which still applies to my present day. People say, like, you probably learned how to market yourself at school, right? I'm like, not at all. I don't remember anything I learned. I just learned that if I apply myself, I can succeed. And that is a valuable thing along with the socialization benefits of not having the pressures of the real world and being able to ease into adulthood that college privilege provided. Now you go immediately to San Francisco to take this job or you go there

and get the job? To take the job. To take the job. I'm not that reckless. Okay. I didn't presume so. I've never done anything that crazy in my life. Right. That'd be wild and a wild city to pick to do it in. Yeah. Wait, can we pause real quick? Because I am finding this really interesting because I don't know that much about you, but I feel like who you are already is so different than what I thought you were. What I thought you were going to be when you came in here. I thought you were going to be like... Look at my dick. No, no, no, no. Check out this dick.

There's only one in 250 of these, baby. Not that, but just maybe the word reckless, maybe, or spontaneous, or like... Yeah, so the opposite. Yeah, that's so interesting. He's not a daredevil. He's not a thrill seeker. I'm so risk-a-hooves.

He hates roller coasters. I know a lot about you. Yes. Yeah, I think a lot of people will find you surprising do you watch the show i haven't seen it right so if he wants this show this is very much only experiencing little dicky the exactly artist being mr whatever yeah you're right the show contextualizes everything yeah i'm not that guy but this is interesting i'm cooler yeah you're very cool i like it i'm liking it this is very much how you are on the show obviously it gets more and more exaggerated as I'm cooler. Yeah, you're very cool. I like it. I'm liking it. This is very much how you are on the show.

Obviously, it gets more and more exaggerated, as it would when success comes, and we'll explore that. But when you go to San Francisco, now this is a second kind of big, huge cultural shift. Are you lost when you get there, or do you land completely on your feet? Lost? I started working eight days. Oh, okay. So you didn't have time to feel— No, I never felt lost. I started working there. Also, there's another game that was't have time to feel. No, I never felt lost. I started working there.

Also, there's another game that was being played where I wanted to be in the creative side of life. But to work as a creative in the ad industry, you have to have a portfolio. You have to go to graduate school. I had none of that. I had a business degree with a concentration in marketing. So when I went in there, I went into this account management department. Let's say Frito-Lay, for example, Doritos.

They want to make ads. They hire an ad agency and there's a buffer between the creative people that are making their ads and the people that communicate with Frito-Lay corporate. And that's me, but that's not even me. I'm like the lowest man on the totem pole. I'm like taking notes and like sending emails. And it's not at all what I was good at, not at all what I wanted to do, but I got my foot in the door to look around and be like, do I even want to do this for a living? I think I want to do it, but it felt kind of reckless to go two years to graduate school, spend like 60 grand and build a portfolio when I don't even know if I want to do it. You haven't got to try it. And I've always believed that if I got in the door, I've always felt special. So I felt like there would be a way that I could pivot within the agency itself and show them how dynamic I am once I'm there. And I did.

What's important is it's the second time where rap has kind of materialized in a way. So the first time being when he was in fifth grade, you did a report on Pushkin. Yeah, you did. Right. And you rapped it. And that was your first time rapping. Yeah. Alexander Pushkin, a Russian.

I don't even remember much about him. Do you know that's what Malcolm Gladwell's company is called, Pushkin? Oh, yeah, that's right. Really? I did not. His podcast empire is Pushkin. And it's based off of... You guys might be... You guys might be soulmates that haven't yet met.

But you got an A on that. I got an A on that, and I'll try to tell the most condensed version of the story. Don't feel pressured to do so. Well, I think it is interesting. Basically, I'm the low man on the totem pole. I'm trying to become a rising star in this agency. I only interface with the big wigs at this company once every three months when I send this email showing how the Doritos chip sales have been improving or not improving based on the ads that we're running.

That whole document was a template given to me by the assistant account manager before me, a painfully boring thing. I was like, why don't I deliver this information and data via a rap song one day? This is a huge swing. Yeah. It is. So this is the bizarre dichotomy of you, which is like risk adverse. And then also I think I'm going to try to hit a grand slam in this moment. But it's no risk. I knew that this agency, they're fun. Everyone's cool and young. They almost are forced to like it because that's supposed to be the spirit of the place. But it really is the spirit of the place. I give a lot of credit to this company, Goodby Silverstein and Partners. I don't know that I would be here without them. I felt bad actually when I made an episode in season two where I was kind of implying that I

was trapped in this corporate maze trying to break out because I really did love it there. No, it's the second best thing to show business is bad business. Yeah. And there's so much crossover. Yeah, there is crossover and there's a lot of talented people, but they encourage people to go off and do their own thing. And every year when I was there, they did a grant for 50 grand where they'd be like, go for your dreams.

I even submitted Lil Dicky as a candidate for that and did not win. So I did this rap song. Everyone was like, who the hell is that guy? They were like, go make a video for it. And then all of a sudden I'm realizing there's a whole little production wing of this agency. And when I grew up and I thought of rap videos, I thought of like Puffy and Biggie on a yacht. Totally. I didn't realize that the technology was there where

we just went into a room and we shot slow motion footage and it really looked and felt like a real rap video. And then that was more love. Then that got to the head of the creative department. They were like, that guy needs to be in the creative department. And then I switched and then I was the youngest guy in the creative department. How great is that? That guy ran the NBA account. If your life ended there, it's already a success. I was so proud. And this guy ran the NBA account and he knew that I was really creative in new basketball. And he let me run with the whole playoff campaign. I wrote 10 commercials for the NBA. At what age? 22. Wow. That's so great. Yeah. I picked the music. I found the footage. It

was so empowering. And I really feel like the satisfaction I got when I would see my commercials come up on TV when I was 22 is equal to the satisfaction I felt when I see me and Brad Pitt. I was going to just say that exact thing. I don't want to fast forward too much, but I will say when I look back on my own life, nothing topped those early things because there was actually something spiritual and foundational, which is, oh, I can be effective in the world. Yes, you live your whole life thinking you're special. But are you?

Yeah, but are you? Maybe. And then here I am all of a sudden. And like, if I can be special here, I always said these guys that I idolized didn't begin as anything more than everyone's funny friend. Right. And they just put their mind to it.

You're very big on dreaming, which I like. It's very sweet. So, but that of course then encourages you to start making your own videos. Exactly. So I'm like, wow, look at where the tech is at here, guys. I recorded that song on my computer garage band. Like I have a built in recording studio on the laptop that I just happened to buy by default. That didn't exist 10 years prior. There's YouTube where I'm seeing guys like Lonely Island, Andy Samberg, making funny rap videos that are going super viral. I can shoot these videos with this company has all the equipment. It was all right in front of me. And I thought, you know, if they're going so crazy at this company, that's a really valued and respected company about me making funny videos

about sales data. Imagine if I took my most memorable comedic ideas and applied it to that. And so I started thinking in that way. I found this guy, Brian Storm, who was doing all the rap videos in Oakland. And I got with him and it was just a beautiful partnership. And you cold called him? One of the producers at this agency that I worked at did this program where they worked with filmmakers in Oakland and undiscovered talent. He connected me with him. And then I looked at his videos and I was like, these look kind of cool.

Of course, I want to be a comedian and make movies and make curb your enthusiasm, but it didn't feel feasible to like shoot scenes. Yeah, it would then be compared to like those things that would look shitty. But rap videos, you can really make it in a DIY way. And I had $6,000 saved for my bar mitzvah that my parents refused to let me spend along the way.

And they didn't want me to spend it on rap videos, but I was like, what am I going to do? Buy like a high-end couch? Yeah, you have a job. Yeah. Give money. I wasn't making money. I was making $36,000, but cost of living in San Francisco.

Oh, forget it. But I was making a profit. I was like, I'm not losing money. And I did have that $6,000, which of course is the biggest privilege gift you could ever have. I just made four different rap videos. This is the chunk where you take two years and you write 32 songs and shoot 16 videos. Are we there yet? Yeah, we're there. So this process

begins at this moment. Yeah. But it takes you two years. Yeah, because I wanted to succeed. And I was like, who knows what's going to happen right now? I'm really on a path to be a creative director. You got shit on television. But I would never have been satisfied in life if what happened didn't happen. And I always knew I would go have been satisfied in life if what happened didn't happen. And I always knew I would go for it. And that's what happens with a lot of people. I feel like you get caught in a corporate maze of success. When you take on commitments. And then there's like six years have gone by and my life has been a fairy

tale, to be honest with you. So nice. Yeah, it is so nice. And all I do is complain. We're going to get to that too. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare. Sasha hated sand

the way it stuck to things for weeks. So when Maddie shared a surf trip on Expedia Trip Planner he hesitated. Then he added a hotel

with a cliffside pool to the plan and they both spent the week in the water. You were made to follow your whims. We were made to help find a place on the beach with a pool and a waterfall and a soaking tub and, of course, a great shower. Expedia. Made to travel. so 2013 is when so hard is the mixtape which took two years and then you decide to release one song a week for five months yeah and then the first video you released ex-boyfriend got

a million views in 24 hours that's the one making cool, but it's like all my friends and family, when I started working obsessively on becoming a rapper out of nowhere, truly I could tell in their eyes, they were like, he is losing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How does anyone know? I have children. How does one know whether their child is a delusional narcissist? You don't.

I don't blame my parents for feeling that way. No, it's a very hard thing to evaluate. It's hard to evaluate. Is this person flew off into outer space on us? That's why I'm so happy that within eight hours, I had, I told you so. Validated. From there on, all I needed was like a spark. I got the biggest spark.

Literally day two, I'm in my cubicle at work doing an interview with TMZ with that guy Harvey. Oh, with Harvey. Yeah, like live. They sent the big dog. Yeah, truly. And like hoping my boss Yeah, like live. Like he sent the big dog. Yeah, truly. And like hoping my boss doesn't walk in. What? Yeah.

Also, you could have easily gone down like a bad cult leader route. Ooh, why? Because there's so much validation that you know what you're doing or the specialness or things go well for me. I obviously have figured it out and I did this and in eight hours I got this.

I should probably start a cult. It just felt like I am who I thought I was. It didn't feel like new information. I felt like, oh, thank God that I'm not crazy. I wasn't delusional. Yeah, I wasn't delusional. Immediately in my mind, then and there, I was like, okay, so of course I'm going to pursue this fully. I'm going to quit eventually. I had all the clarity off of one day of success and I had all the assets to continue to ride that because I literally stockpiled all these different videos and songs. So every week for five months, I can put something new out. I could build on it. Okay. And I want to just fast forward to season one now. And this is a joy that Monica hasn't got to experience yet. You're watching this show. It's straight hysterical

from the get-go and I'm completely ignorant on everything in this world right so i'm not sure if it's just like me doing a groundlings character on fx show if i'm an actor playing a rapper yes yes i don't know what's going on right which is so fun and it's delayed for a while which i like then all of a sudden dave raps and you're like holy fuck that was my reaction like this is for real no shit we're're playing for keeps. That's right. Shit just got real. So I'm curious, the skill set, let's just say in season one, let's give it an arbitrary number. Let's say it's 10.

I like that. I mean, obviously we've gone beyond that, I'm sure. But let's just say it's 10 for reference. When you're making this first mixtape so hard, what is the skill level at? Three, in my opinion. There's a whole technique you're developing, but that requires development. Totally.

My ideas have always been there, but the execution, horrible. And when you're executing horribly and rapping and you're white, it's like, please. That's why I'm so excited about putting this new body of music out because even my first album, 2015, the skill level probably got to like a seven.

I have no body of work that I would be happy to have Jay-Z sitting and listening to. Everything else, I'd be like, Jay, please don't listen. But now if Jay-Z listened to this new project, I'd be like, cool. He's getting a present day version of what I've evolved to. Back to Malcolm, it works like a sport. And the more time you put into it, the better you get. If we could think of the different metrics that are adding up to these videos, there's three elements going on. There's the music.

There's also the creativity of your video. And then there's whatever charisma you have as the person we're watching, right? Yes. And so if we had to evaluate at that moment when the first one comes out and is huge, what do you think's carrying it? The concept? The charisma. And the idea. I've always had solid ideas.

Yes. It's weird because I wanted to be a comedian. Never thought of myself as like a serious rapper. And I've always loved rap. And then I made this song called Russell Westbrook on a farm, which even now I wouldn't recommend to Jay-Z, but it's better than a lot. But I put that out and all my fans who had previously been like, I love this funny energy that you probably thought I would have.

Yeah. Then I put that out and it's like introspective and not at all relying on humor as a crutch in any way. Summa cum laude. Summa cum laude. Coming through. Honestly. And I feel like people like that more than my other stuff.

And then I just got really competitive. Do you follow Mark Ribollet at all? Yeah. Okay, so I love him. The similar thing happened for me is like I'm watching all these things. The first one I ever saw is like Show Me Your Ass, which I love. Show Me That Butthole, remember? Yeah.

We've seen him, Monica and I, a few times in concert. He's great. But every now and then he drops these songs that are so insanely beautiful, and they're only a minute, and I want to kill him and go like, make that whole thing that's so outrageously beautiful. Yeah. You can do that. Please give me that.

And I'm imagining you were having the same experience. That's why I like the position I'm in now, where before when I was making music, That's why I like the position I'm in now, where before when I was making music, I was honestly making music to desperately get attention from the South Park guys or like Seth Rogen. I was like throwing shit up there to be like, this is a great idea. That's funny that I'll get hired as like a comedian. And now that I've achieved all of those things, I can just make music for the love of making music. Which is a tricky spot, actually, to be creative from. That's my very last thing I want to explore. It's very, very dicey. Yeah. What happens immediately though, which is I think very

unique in your story, is you do have this very asymmetric success among peers and idols. The first video comes out and Kevin Durant hits you up. Oh wow. That's really odd for a video, right? I think it's a million. And then this has been a really consistent thing, which is, I would say, among your peers and the people here, you're maybe the most popular guy there is. The metrics across the country don't reflect that. Not that you're not hugely successful, but it's asymmetric. I agree completely. You know what I'm saying? I've never spoken about it. It's very unique. Yes. Every artist and person in the industry, I feel like, has an even higher appreciation than a Joe Schmo might.

I mean, the fact that Brad Pitt agrees to come, that just says every single thing. But at that point, there had already been already so many people who, again, it's just very asymmetric and interesting. I wish it was full symmetric. Most people have it reversed. Those people would obviously think, all I want is the respect from my peers.

I would rather have the respect from my peers. Exactly. And I can't tell you how many friends I've had who were on mega hit things, shows, movies, whatever, and they're tortured with the fact that they know no one in town has seen it. But, you know, I'm tortured too, like in a different way. I don't get invited to the Golden Globes. That's shocking to me. This year.

Ever. I don't care that much. There is a disconnect when I'm like, wow, I can make a movie and get everyone in the world to be in it because they all believe in me as a writer and a producer. Which is way more important than getting invited. But it still hurts sometimes. I think it's actually healthy. I don't think you should have all this shit. I think you're right. But let's go to a really quick

touchdown from 2013 when that thing comes out and it gets a million views, which is bonkers, in 24 hours. And then you, in 2014, Saved At Money actually charts on Billboard 100. Yeah, that was cool. Goes double platinum. Now you're getting to work with some pretty crazy fucking people, artist-wise. Yeah, I'm making songs with Snoop Dogg and T-Pain and all these people. Are you having, in these moments, are you having like imposter syndrome?

Or do you just walk in and own that you're having it? This is the analogy I say. It sounds so arrogant. Yeah, yeah. But I really just am a guy that evaluates the facts at hand. I've always felt like I was this for comedy and I didn't think I was ever musical or anything.

And I just think I kind of discovered accidentally that I am a great musician. I heard you say you were using it as a vehicle to pursue comedy. And in the process, you actually fell in love with music. I fell in love with it. But I also can't believe that I'm this talented at that. So the analogy I make, and I don't mean this arrogantly,

it's like believing your whole life that you're Superman and finding out not only are you Superman, you're also Batman. Wow. And I'm a competitive guy. And I'm like, oh my God, fuck comedy. I'm a competitive guy And I'm like Oh my god Fuck comedy I'm fucking Eminem I want to be like

The best rapper of all time Even today Sitting here I literally feel like I'm one of the five Best rappers alive My body of work In no way reflects that

But I know that I can achieve that I'm not saying I know I can achieve that I think what you're saying Is you have the capacity And I'm not saying That I'll ever be

Acknowledged at that Nor do I even deserve To be acknowledged at that I just think that I have a lot of skill As a musician have the capacity. And I'm not saying that I'll ever be acknowledged at that, nor do I even deserve to be acknowledged at that. I just think that I have a lot of skill as a musician. It sounds really good, and I agree with it, until we start naming a few before. It's not five. And then we go, it's like 20.

It's like 20. Yeah, and then all of a sudden, you're like at 10. It might be 30. It's not five at all. But still, what I find is I actually am like a rapper's rapper. The way that Brad Pitt appreciates my filmmaking, rappers appreciate it. Well, that becomes clear with how many people immediately show up to work with you. It's a rapper's rapper. The way that Brad Pitt appreciates my filmmaking, rappers appreciate- Well, that becomes clear with how many people

immediately show up to work with you, which is- It's a lesson in confidence. You've believed in yourself this whole time, and then things come to fruition. Yeah. So in 2015, Professional Rapper, his debut album peaked at seven on Billboard. I will say Led Zeppelin also, I think,

put out three remastered albums on that same date so it would have been four. Those bastards. But Zeppelin had three albums. It's cool. But that is, yeah, caveat. The second best rock band of all time beat you? Just three albums in one day, not something I was expecting. Unforeseen,

no one warned me about, and it was rough. But it was cool. Seven is great. And I'm curious now because you're on such a run musically. Are you starting to let go of your comedy fantasy? I feel like my career, that's like a tale of being stretched too thin. I didn't forget, but I was putting off what I initially started doing it for

because I was like, I'm a young man. I'm a rapper. I'm on stage at festivals. It's so fun and this is cool. So I focus on music, but then I finally get back to the TV show eventually. And now I kind of am at a point today where I'm like, I've abandoned music. I'm letting that slip away. Well, it's been a minute since you had an album.

Eight years. Pent is what we're here to promote. Penith. Penith. Yeah. He spelled P-E-N-T-H. P-E-N-I-T-H. Oh, maybe it was a typo.

P-E-N. It was lexic. I'm glad you just corrected me. Pent. No. P-E-N-I-T-H. Penith maybe it was a typo. P-E-N. It was lexic. I'm glad you just corrected me. Penth. No. P-E-N-I-T-H. Penith. Like the zenith.

Okay. Okay, penith. It's a soundtrack album for the show. Whenever I get free time, I just make music. And I fill up a vault over time. And then it's time to make the show. And the show is about a rapper, so you've got to put music in the show. And this is just a collection of work that I love that I think stands apart. My goal

is you can listen to this album having never seen the show and still love it, but everything that appears in this album are songs that have appeared in the show, so you'll have a higher appreciation for it if you watch the show. No, if we play Mr. McAdams for Monica right now, having never seen the show, she's going to love that song. Do you love Rachel? I'm going to love it.

I do love Rachel McAdams. Who doesn't? We're missing one piece which I think is relevant. There's a few things you and I are gonna relate on deeply that I was just tickled to see you admit to out loud. Okay. So, one second story. I happened to journal for the last 20 years because I'm sober. Yeah. And that's part of being sober for me.

And I was about to start shooting a movie and I was panicking the three days leading up to it because I was like, I just got cast in it. I didn't audition. I just got offered the thing. I don't even know what I'm fucking playing. I've never said these words out loud. I'm going to shit the bed and I'm like really spiraling. And then I don't know why it occurs to me. I'm going to glance at my journal from the last movie I did. And I go back and I get my journal and I read three days before. And it's like, you're a piece of shit. You deserve to be here. You're going to suck. They're going to fire you. And then I read day one of filming. I'm like, I'm so underpaid.

I'm the most talented person in this movie. I'm so funny. I'm incredible. I go between I'm the worst piece of shit in the world to total megalomania in one second. And when I was hearing your experience with performing live for the first time, I just related so deeply,

which is he was a hit musician who had never ever done it in front of anyone. No, it was like all behind a computer, the digital age. So all of a sudden, I was like, oh my God, I won't even do karaoke back then. It's too much. And then it was like 2000 people in my hometown. Everyone I grew up with there. Oh my God. It's the worst. Way too high of stakes. You shouldn't have invited anyone. Honestly. And the crowd wasn't even as pumped because it wasn't even true Lil Dicky fans. It was family friends. Oh, God. Yeah, they're scared for you. Yeah, it was so stressful.

Then the second you did it, you said, oh, right, I was born to do this. Yeah, I was like, oh, this isn't even hard. Yeah. I feel like there's no better live performer. Top five for 30. Oh, my God. Wow. I'm the exact same.

Part of me is embarrassed for myself, and then another part of me is like, no, it's kind of how I write the scales of so much self-loathing and shame and self-hatred. I need kind of these blasts of megalomaniacal thoughts about myself just to kind of write the scales, because I'm also torturing myself on the other side of it worse. It's peak on both sides. Yeah, I can relate. Let me pee. Yeah, yeah, there we go.

Want to step out? No, I'm sure. Okay, great. I'll make another coffee while you're doing that. I'll keep sitting down, so. Yeah, I can relate. Let me pee. Yeah, yeah, there we go. Want to step out? No, I'm sure. Okay, great. I'll make another coffee while you're doing that. I'll be sitting down, son. Oh, okay. Dax, can you fill up more water for me, please? In your kettle? Yes. Like, do I have to do anything to the kettle? I think you might need to

pour more water in. And then boil it. Yeah. Don't come over here. He's trying to help. Guess what? I'm going to go, too. But I'm going to stay in if He's trying to help. Guess what? I'm going to go, too. But I'm going to stand if that's okay. Sure.

You're okay with it? I'm good with it. I'm trying to drink two spearmint teas a day. I heard that's good for your skin. Just spearmint? Yeah. Not peppermint. Okay.

And spearmint is harder to find, of course. Okay, Dax, I'm coming over. We're not sitting. We're sitting on it. Look at that. Monty, you sure you don't want to go? Three out of four went. No peeing.

It comes. We've been talking for an hour. Not for her. Not for me. She pees once a week. Yeah. When I have the slightest feeling of having to pee, I have to take care of it. One-eighth there, I got it.

How about when you're about to walk out on Kimmel, I start peeing neurotically in the green room. I'm like, how long is it going to be? And they're like, five minutes. And then they mic me. I'm like, get one in. And then when they knock, I'm like, one second. And then I try to force a little out. It runs my life, my fear that I'll have to pee.

Do you find yourself, maybe it's because I sit, but I find myself oftentimes peeing twice in one sitting. Oh, sure, sure, sure. I'll sit, pee, and then I'll just wait. And more pee will come. Yeah, I agree. I agree. I'll sit, pee, and then I'll just wait, and more pee will come. Yeah, I agree. I agree. Especially at night for me, because I drink fluids compulsively all day long.

Truly, I can't be without access to fluids. I couldn't agree more. And then I also wake up all night long to pee because I drink way too much. So right before I get in this pattern of going like every seven minutes as I'm getting tired, and then, yeah, I stand there long enough, and then I have all these weird exercises I do to push. Yeah. And I get a little more squirts out. Oh, I have heard that's not good for you.

Oh, really? No. Why? What's it doing? You're not strengthening the muscles. You're weakening them. But my Kegels are getting stronger, I think. No, it's the opposite. My pelvic floor. Your pelvic floor is weak.

You think I'm weakening my pelvic floor? I don't think I'm weakening my pelvic floor. Yes, I just heard this. I have a very strong pelvic floor, which is why I never pee. Congratulations. Thank you. Don't brag, though. Well, I will. I will keep bragging.

We're back. But you were saying something important. Really important. Was I? Yeah, it was really emotional and important. It was about performing. We were talking about performing. You want to hear a funny performance story?

I do, really bad. I never said this out loud. An exclusive? Yeah. Rob, hit record. We hadn't been recording. Rob, start recording. So two or three years ago, I get an opportunity to open the Emmys. Okay. Performing like me, LL Cool J doing like a musical thing. I find out about it, of course,

five days before the Emmys. There's no heads up. Now really quick, does the shadow start telling you I'm only here because someone dropped out or they would have told me weeks ago? No. Okay. that's good. I would have done that. You focused on the win. I was like, this seems major. Yeah. And live TV performing, if we could just cut that out,

I'd be like 10% happier. There's nothing worse than being evaluated on how cool you look and you can't control the edit. Right. Oh, my God. Luckily, in this instance, it was a prerecord. So I get to write and record my verse ahead of time, and I just got to look like I'm doing it. Right. Oh my God. Luckily, in this instance, it was a prerecord. So I get to write and record my verse ahead of time, and I just got to look like I'm doing it.

Right. That being said, I only have like three days to write a verse that I feel comfortable nationally televised, opening up the Emmys for. But I write it and record it, and then I have my friend's wedding that weekend, where I'm a groomsman. And the whole weekend, no matter what song is playing,

I'm rapping my verse to that tempo to like memorize the words, getting my swag right, figuring out what I'm going to do. Because of the wedding, I had to miss the rehearsal. I'm not even like a private jet guy. The only way to make it happen

was I had to get a private jet, get right off the plane, get in the suit, boom. I was trying to act like I was built for this. Yeah, of course. I was like, this is what you're going to have to do in life. This is my life now. This is me.

This is standard shit for a guy in my position. And my friend Gata, who's in the show. We need an hour on him. He's in the hallway next to me. He's not coming on. He's just there for moral support. Do you have a hype man? Is he really your hype man?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all real. He's a real guy, yeah. No, I know he's a real guy, and I know he's a real hype man. Yeah, like if I went to a concert, he would be coming with me on stage and being my hype man for sure. I've never done a show without him. Okay, wonderful. We've got to earmark how you met him, but continue.

So Gaeta's there. Gaeta's there just for moral support. As the groomsman. No, back in the Emmys. We're at the Emmys. By the way, I did also think that at first. I thought he came to hype you up for the groomsman role. No, no, no.

It was not that full service. I'm at the Emmys. The producer's like, you're on in 10, 9. And I look at Gator so confidently. And I say to him him literally as they're saying 10 i say i'm gonna kill this shit oh yeah he dabs me up they're like you're on i walk out i immediately forget every single word of the entire i have no idea oh so stressful fucking thank god it's pre-recorded it was as if you know like when the bomb goes off and it's like white

noise all i could do it's like white noise, all I could do was hear the white noise. I'm out there in my microphone. If it was live, you would have heard. But I knew that it was a pre-record. So I just put that mic real close to the mouth. And I tried to move my body to the rhythm and get through the blocking. It ends and I come off stage.

I'm of the mindset that I just nationally humiliated myself. And I'm like, please, someone show me the clip. And I look the blocking. It ends and I come off stage. I'm of the mindset that I just nationally humiliated myself. And I'm like, please, someone show me the clip. And I look so good. Oh, wait, really? It looks like I know. No one knows until now. Well, now I want to watch. Me too. Watch it.

I look great. I challenge you. Inside of me is just a mess. I've never experienced anything like that. I was unclear and I think the listener might be as well, which is you had already prerecorded, but now the lip syncing was live. Yeah, exactly.

You got that immediately, but I thought you were going to have another take when you were telling the story. But no, you're talking, you're live on stage. I'm live, the Emmys, we are on TV. And you went completely up on the whole song. Yeah, if it was the Grammys. And you had to sing.

It would have been like, it would have been crazy. Oh, wow. Okay, I want to compare no stakes, but we've done like 25 live shows or something of this show on stage in front of thousands of people. And it's always gone well and it's always fun. And then I just took a paid deal to do a live show of a different podcast in Las Vegas. And I just entered the thing like, yeah, I've done this so many times. I'm not worried at all. And it was an unmitigated disaster. It was this complete disaster. The audience was attacking

us and it was wild. And I had zero control. And I really was like, oh, I don't have the skill set to navigate out of this situation. And it's going to go on for another hour. I haven't done a live show since, but I've questioned like, is it worth it? Not is it worth it? Did that one event erase my ability to go do it? Oh, well, let me tell you this. So that's what I'm asking. Did you go like, oh no, because I'm with you. I'll give this a swing. And thus far it's worked out.

And that was kind of the first time it didn't work out. And then I was like, oh, I didn't even like knowing that was an option. Oh, for example, I always had dreams of headlining the Super Bowl. And now I would be like, no way. Like, it's not worth it. Truly, that's kind of where my head is at with it. Because of that experience, right? Totally.

Like, if you had slayed it, you'd be like, we got to get me on the Super Bowl list. Yeah, it's a blessing in disguise. But the thing is, it's not quite the same, but I'd argue it's just as important. I go on like Sway in the Morning and do a freestyle. Where like, if I fail, it's still going up and it's going to be like the story. Honestly, if Jay-Z could see anything,

I'd want him to see these two Sway freestyles that I went in and I killed. That is so high risk. You know, if you're on stage at a concert and you forget the words, it's funny.

If it's your concert. If it's your concert. That's the defining difference, right? The Emmys aren't yours. People out there didn't buy a ticket to see Lil Dicky. No. So if you

shit the bed. I just evaluate risk at all twists and turns, but it's like, I don't know what it would take to get me to do a major live TV performance. Also, I have to real-time fact check you. You said I wasn't invited to the Golden Globes, and I never am. This is a one-off. Like, the only reason I got invited to the Emmys was because I was able to

help the opening number. That's a big thing. Yeah. But he wanted to be at the Golden Globes and that's fine. No, it's fine. I don't even want to be there. I want my show to be acknowledged as one of the best shows on TV. But you know what the racket of the Golden Globes is. I've heard about the racket. I heard it's a racket. It's not a meritocracy.

It's only based on getting as many movie stars as possible that have international recognition to that show. Okay? Thank you. Keep that in mind when you're evaluating this. I will. We only have to touch on one other thing before we get to the show, Dave, in your story, which is Freaky Friday, which is a body switching video and song with Chris Brown. 745 million views.

That's how many views that fucking video. Even in your grandiose thinking, that still must shock you. That's nearly a billion views. Well, I feel like in the landscape of music videos, I would imagine if you pressed play on 10 different music videos that have a billion views and we all sat and evaluated, I think you would say that Freaky Friday was among the top five. Let's stick with five.

Five seems to be the running number. It's like funny and catchy. And I feel like it checked every box. Okay. So ultimately you and Jeff Schaefer create Dave together. And Jeff Schaefer, he was a producer in, I don't know if he ran Curb Your Enthusiasm. Yeah, he runs it now. So he and Larry, I mean, talk about having a night on that and getting to work with the person.

Oh my God. And a part of the recipe that is bonkers. Full circle. Nobody's going to give me a TV show as a guy who's a rapper who just makes funny rap videos without having someone attached to it to babysit and make sure that this is actually going accordingly. And I always have a very strong opinion of what my vision is and what to do. So whoever this person is, it would take a lot for me to trust what they're saying

over what my instincts are. But when it's baked in that this guy is already doing it with your idol, I always say he's like the Bill Belichick to my Tom Brady. And he really is the perfect combination with me to get stuff done. That's wonderful. Because I would imagine you've been a little misled in that all of your ideas have pretty much worked, but they weren't all going to work,

right? You can get a little misled by your own success. Yeah. Even good ideas don't work sometimes. Most of the time. The best sketches that were ever written at the Grand Lanes all bombed. They were for us.

They weren't for America or whatever. So yeah, to have a co-pilot that knows how to make a fucking TV show and make it for seasons is imperative. Okay, so I want to tell you the things I love about the show. And the first thing we just started to talk about, which is Gaeta. He hadn't acted before? No. Okay. Gaeta, Monica, is one of the most beautiful actors I've ever seen in my life. And this is why I like the show

so much. And we should also tip our hat to the shows that came before yours that opened up this realm where it's like you're seeing a comedy, but we're free to do an episode that's all about him being bipolar which i have to presume with the level of authenticity he played it he is you don't have to divulge that oh he is he's publicly okay great they have a whole episode where he ramps up and acting on his plate is fucking huge it is huge it's intimidating if i get the script he acted in yeah i'm like, whoa, boy, you better really figure this out. That's one of the things I like to do in the show is the more emotionally satisfying and real and human things can be, then the more elegant everything is and the more the comedy will sing. A lot of comedies, I'm just like, why does it have to feel so goofy? I love feeling feelings.

And I knew Gato being a guy who traveled around the world with me for like five years before even having a show. I know that our dynamic is like pure comedy. And you've already rehearsed it for five years. Yeah. If you filmed us for five years, you would have gotten the show. But I didn't know if he could become the guy that can cry.

Yeah. And every season I put him in a situation where it's like, I want you to be really emotional for this episode because he is a very emotional guy. I don't say this to insult you. He's the best actor on the show and you have a bunch of great actors. He sure. He's the heartbeat. Yeah, for

sure. How did you meet him? I started to do concerts, especially back in the beginning, beginning. I thought like, Ooh, I can rap fast. That's one of my skill sets that maybe someone else doesn't have. So I'm going to every song over rap, just show how great I am. Machine gun everyone. Then you have to do shows and you're like running out of breath. You know, sometimes rappers go up there and just play their songs and rap over top. I hate that shit. Unless it's the Emmys. Exactly.

I would never. Eight minutes ago you told a story about... I would never. Unless it's nationally... I need a hype man. Explain what a hype man is. Until I watched your show, I didn't even know they existed. A lot of rappers historically that go on stage and to get a breath you'll have someone finish your line for you so if i'm rapping and my line is about monica's teeth monica's teeth and i need

to take a breath right now and gator will be like skeet or like whatever rhymes with it and then i'll be set up for the next line because i just took my breath so me and gator we're not just winging it we'll be strategically like i need this word that word then we'll evolve. And so he's really a key part of any live show I do, besides being such an incredible performer. What I also gleaned from it is that he's also there to build your confidence. Yeah, he's been a huge boost in my confidence in reality. As a guy who never went on stage, it's a lot easier to go on with a guy at two. Yeah, and how did you find him? Did you know him socially first?

Did you audition Hype Man? My manager at the time used to manage Tyga and Gaida was Tyga's Hype Man. That's confusing. You can't have two animals. Gaida and Tyga, yeah. At least it's not both mammals. That's true. But they went on tour.

My manager at the time worked with Gaida in that capacity. He's like, I know this guy and he's done it in the past for another artist I managed. Maybe you'll meet him. And then I meet Gaida and the whole show. And just in general, Gaida is very much, he calls it the gander, which is guy and he's done it in the past for another artist I managed. Like maybe you'll meet him. And then I meet Gaeta and the whole show. And just in general, Gaeta is very much, he calls it the gander, which is a word he's made up, which is like putting yourself in a position to appear more successful than you are to then continue to elevate. So the first meeting, he literally brought an intern and a camera guy. Oh my God.

Yeah. He was like, oh yeah, it's just my crew. He paid people on the spot to appear. You guys are made for each other. Yeah, he was like, oh yeah, it's just my crew. He paid people on the spot to appear. You guys are made for each other. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. That's like wrapping the report on Frito-Lay. Yeah. We're such yin and yangs in such an amazing way. Like I said, I've had the

most blessed fairytale life. The adversity that he's gone through in life and what he's had to do to even get to where he is now is so much grander than anything I've ever been through that when I'm like, I'm not on the main stage at this festival. Like I'm on the B stage. He's like, shut the fuck up. You know, I've performed in front of eight people and he's right. He's able to allow me to appreciate what we're achieving. Yeah. He's very impulsive where I'm very like, let's take a step back and map out our year. And I think that helps him. Our skill

sets are so distinctly opposite that we're able to really help each other thrive. Well, certainly then if you were with him for five years before the show and then the show was in 2020. So you've been with him for eight, nine years. Did you have to learn how to be partnered with somebody that is bipolar and going to have these periods of time where they're going to confuse you? Yeah, there were a few of the instances we've portrayed in the show where I think initially, because Gaeta and Taiga were really on their way up and then that kind of fell apart. He went from being a guy that was on the stage at Madison Square Garden

to them being back at his mom's house. And then we started rising and then all of a sudden he's about to start a TV show. And right before season one, he kind of went through it and I think it was just an overwhelming thing to deal with. And I'm watching all of a sudden this guy that I've known for four years behave in a kind of a different way five days

before we have to start shooting the show. Yeah. And it was a lot. But man, this guy, season one, Gaeta, he put on, I say, a Willis Reed-like performance because he was really going through it emotionally and he was able to somehow power through it and adjust to these realities on the fly. And maybe it helped make his performance more powerful. Maybe it didn't. I, as a guy who watches every take, Gator season three is like money in the bank. I have like five different takes that are incredibly wonderful.

Where season one, maybe I have like two. And he's just gotten so much better along the way. But it's really interesting to watch him grow and become somebody who season one, I could feel him going through it and trying to figure it out, whereas season three, I don't want to say he's an autopilot, but I don't want him to even read the script before. Right.

Because I'd rather have this really sharp gator that's really confident in life and not going through that to just react and fire in all cylinders. Yeah, you want him spinning plates. You don't want him already knowing what he's going to do in a weird way. Whereas season one, I'm like, did you read the script? How many times did you read the script? How many times did you read it?

You can't just read it once. That is a lot, though. And then season three explores all this incredible stuff. And I'm curious. And so many people are fascinated in all the interviews I watch with you. People are endlessly interested in if it's a show loosely based on your life, what parts are the loosely and what part are your life? And I'm not as interested in any like the specific, like, do you fuck a doll or anything? What I am curious is season three is great. You kind of let yourself become more unlikable than you were in the other two seasons.

I think. I think season two, I'm the least likable person. Okay. That's fair. And I think season three, I tried to be likable. But I mean, by the way, it's a similar arc to Atlanta in that we meet you, you're not successful. And then you become really successful. Yeah.

And I think you're pretty honest about that journey. And I have to imagine your own journey informs that. Yeah, I will say, I think I'm definitely less of an asshole in reality. We kind of have to force conflict for the narratives. When that happens, are you uncomfortable about that or are you fine with it? I relish the challenge of having to be unlikable yet being so hopefully likable that you can do it. That people will stick with you. Yeah, exactly. But there are times where it's too much that I don't believe it to be real. Right. Because like no one is this big of an asshole.

No one is this clueless. Because the only thing I have to compare it to is I was on a show for six years and I'm not playing Dax Shepard on the show. I'm playing Crosby Braverman. But I come to love Crosby Braverman. I come to get pretty protective. And I think I found myself having more and more arguments with people about this is so out of left field that he would do this. And I get more and more protective. and then also having the voice remembering yeah but this is a tv show that requires you to do things that are out of your character for sure to do new things it's hard to

love it and not be protective of it yeah curb would not be curb without larry being the most intolerable force you know what i mean but i happen to find it all very charming and endearing me too yeah well for me honest which is what cuts through any of the behavior. It's like, oh, it's kind of rooted in how we all think. Yeah, but I think at the core of everything I do in life is probably this kid who's always wanted to be liked. I navigated that by, I was like, oh, I happen to be funny and people laugh, so that's how I get people to like me. And so I think inherently there is this desperation to be liked inside of me. You'll still drink the bottle of ketchup at camp to make people laugh. Yeah.

I don't want people to not like my character. I want people to root for the main character to succeed. And I think we end up getting there, but it has to be a journey. Like season two, the end, when Gaeta comes on stage at the VMAs, that wouldn't have been nearly as satisfying if I wasn't being the opposite of that along the way. The most selfish, self-centered prick. Okay, but on season three, Killer Mike's on season three.

Usher, Rachel McAdams, Brad Pitt, Don Cheadle, Rick Ross. Oh my God. Fully loaded. If we track from the real life, which is the show comes out on FX, it's got a 1% chance of succeeding. And then within three seasons, it grows to this. And this is what I'm curious for you emotionally because I think I'm like you I'm an approval junkie and I love being validated by people and I love being validated by people that I think have status yes I live for that me too and I wish I didn't looking at this I was

thinking that I am in the same dangerous situation that you are in life, which is you run out of people to get validated by. Like once Brad Pitt comes on the show in season three, I can imagine it almost getting very scary about what the engine is going forward and having to maybe redefine what the engine is or what the fuel source is. Does any of that ring true? It does ring true. is. Does any of that ring true? It does ring true. And the core lesson of season three, which is in a nutshell centered around looking for love the whole time. I'm trying to fall in love while simultaneously like being this validation junkie addict or whatever. By the end of the season, you learn you can't even find love until you actually love yourself. Loving yourself doesn't mean you love yourself because Brad Pitt says you should love yourself.

Loving yourself is just actually truly loving yourself. Doing esteemable acts and liking who you are. Yeah. And there are a lot of lessons in the show that my character goes through that I know to be true that I wish I really, really fully— Embody. Internalize. Yeah, like I know logically that I shouldn't care if I'm not at the Golden Globes. I can't control the little feeling inside of my chest that's like, hmm. But I'm sure that's part of growing up. And the most important thing is being aware of these things.

I'm sure that's part of growing up. And the most important thing is being aware of these things. Making the show helps me become more and more aware because we're literally just nitpicking every single psychological thing I go through in life and pushing it and trying to portray different things. But you end season three with Brad Pitt and Drake. And what do you do next? What do we do?

Yeah. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert. If you dare. So for me in my real life experience, A, I only wanted to get into show business to get on Letterman. Literally, I didn't have a desire to be an actor. I had a desire to sit on the couch next to David Letterman. That's all. And I did that. And that is the highlight of the whole show business career.

And then there was a moment where he came to my house and sat on that couch so I could interview him. And that was rewarding and dangerous. And in the wake of it, I found myself really having to go back to the drawing board. Like, oh, wow, that was the one. What could I look forward to with that same zeal? And then for me, ultimately, it was great because I had to remember, no, the thing that I like that's substantive is I like to connect with human beings when I wipe that other thing away.

And it almost weirdly led me back to the thing that I loved about it from the beginning, but it's a ride. And I don't know that everyone traverses that successfully. I like being forced to be like, oh, now I have to reinvent things or find other ways. Because the show takes up so much time and I put so much effort into it and everything.

It's like a blur. When I think about life, sometimes I'm just like, well, what just happened? Because now four years have gone by. I wouldn't want to do that forever. I want to make music too and I want to have a personal life too and I have all these different things. I think initially

after college, it's like, I'll do anything to make the show Dave and just only focus on that. But when you do it and you actually do it, you're able to be like, well, what else is there in life? That's why I'm so excited about when I created the soundtrack album, Penith. Mike Tyson said penis. Yeah.

It's like, oh my god, it's been eight years since I even mixed a song. Are you mad about that? I'm not mad about it, because... You've been doing other shit. I've been doing other shit, but I'm also like, well, there is opportunity cost to everything. It's a shame. There are a lot of fans of mine that just love the music of course and they feel like fuck you man

you haven't put an album out in eight years I just have kind of re-fallen in love with making music and I'm hyper aware that being a rapper is not something that is easy to do when you're like 45 as it is when you're 35 and I'm just like I have limited time here to do that thing that I said I could do in 2014 when I started falling in love with being a rapper. And that's exciting to me to be able to have these other things going on. Yeah, well, I have to imagine in many ways you've fully reached your potential on Dave. Yeah. And I hope that doesn't mean there's no more Dave,

but I imagine you think you still have some potential to reach musically. So much potential to reach musically. There's also, when I thought about my career as that kid, I thought about movies. I love movies. I'm writing a movie that I want to star and write direct. When I started to do everything, I was like, you're a comedian. And then I became a rapper. And now if I had to put one word to me, I would put the word filmmaker. Because like, I really feel I'm meant to be a director. I look at a guy like Ben Stiller. That's what I want to be.

I just love storytelling. But sometimes I have to remind myself, like I was with Jonah Hill the other day. I was talking about these ambitions of mine of being like the consummate auteur. If you ask me what I want to do, it's that. He was like, but don't forget that you're funny. And what I started this whole thing for,

because a lot of people can be auteurs. Probably fewer can be genuinely funny. He's a great person to give that piece of advice. But I guess as your older brother now. Who, him? Me. Oh, you. I'm speaking now as your older brother.

Sure. Okay, if you'll allow me. Yes, please. Because I'm just, I'm 13 years further down this road. This dumbass path. Yes. And it's truly fun and worth exploring. And honestly, all of us just

benefit from it. I get enormous joy out of watching Dave, period. I'm so grateful this is the journey you're on. Yeah. Because I get to consume it. But my guess is, and I did the same thing, I'm defining my identity by a lot of things that are extrinsic and work related. For sure. And it's disgusting and I'm sick of it. I can't get out of it. I don't know what to do. I want to hear about that angst. My thing was I directed a movie that worked really well. I got to do a big studio movie.

That movie did not make money. And I had this six-month period where my identity was fucked. It was gone. Yeah. And it was one I had been leaning on for like four or five years. Yeah. And it was a terribly scary place, but luckily I was a dad. And so anytime I would get kind of low about it,

I'd walk in the house and be like, wait, fucking writer-director's not even a thing. That's helpful. Dad's a thing. I don't have that kid to fall back on. Right, and I'm just saying it really- I should have kids is what you're saying. He has pushed them on a lot of people who come in.

I do push them, especially on folks like you and I. And Jonah just had a kid. Yeah, I couldn't agree more. Life is too one-dimensional otherwise. You're right. My entire happiness and identity is rooted in the success of the art that I make. And it's ridiculous. It's so dangerous. I always say, in theory, I wake up and I'm so happy every day, but I also have had the luckiest life where my wildest dreams not only come true, but I always want to be a comedian. And I essentially get to play in the NBA too. That's how ridiculous being a rapper is for like a suburban Jewish kid.

Exactly. I always say like, maybe I'm depressed, but everything goes perfectly. Yes. So I'm just happy. It's so dangerous to live your life this way. I know that it's the wrong way to live life. I'm so aware of it. Sometimes I'm sick of myself for being so wrapped up in the success of the show or the success of a music video and like the views it gets and the Instagram followers. It's the wrong way to live life. I'm so aware of it that I sometimes just can't. Totally.

You're powerless. I'm powerless. I get it. You're also young and even though you've been doing it for a long time, it's still new in that way. You're young. It takes time. I think the most important thing is being aware of all this stuff. Yes.

Now that I'm aware of it, I am able to logically, when I get that feeling in my chest of bitterness based on like the lack of success of a moment, I'm able to take a step back and be like, of course you feel this way, but logically you shouldn't. I don't know how to control what feelings exist inside of my chest and my head and my heart. Yeah. There's an enormous divide between your intellect and your emotions. Exactly. I am of the opinion that you have to have a game plan. I don't think these things will happen on their own. You had to decide to go to the department to shoot the fucking rap, to put it up. It wasn't like you were going to walk into the meeting and someone's going to hand you a tape and you had done it.

And similarly, that other aspect of life requires the exact same amount of focus and planning or it won't just knock on your door. Yeah. I mean, that's my own personal belief on it. Yeah, I want kids. I'm hoping that I'm living in this self-fulfilling prophecy that really is kind of impossible to ever like find full satisfaction or peace. Which again, we'll benefit from, thank you. Yep. And logically, the thought of a kid, I'm like, well, wait a minute.

Now I have to give up my entire life and live it for something else. That sounds like the last thing in the world I want to do. But I've been living this other version of my life where it's completely self-fulfilling for 10 years. Everything goes as well as it possibly could go. And there's still a full-on restlessness inside of me. And I'm hoping that the kid solves that restlessness. However, another part of me has this fear it won't. You'll be just as selfish when you have the kid and then you'll really feel fucked. I don't think that's true. I think I have too big of a heart. I don't think that's true. It's not going to happen.

Or you'll work on yourself. It's just other that's true. I think I have too big of a heart. I don't think that's true. It's not going to happen. Or you'll work on yourself. It's just other kids. I'm just like so unmoved by it. Same. Right as we were making the decision, we were out with our good friends and their kid and it was a disaster and the dinner was ruined. And I was like, this is what we're going to do?

But I can just assure you, they put the little baby in your hands and you look at the little baby and you know like, oh, they know immediately looking at you, you're responsible for me. And something truly magical happens. There's got to be a reason everyone does it.

Something kicks in that is unimaginable until it happens. Even though I have a dog, it's different. I would argue it's much different. Kristen had thousands of dogs and she too. And both of us were on the fence about it. We had a good life and we traveled and we weren't suffering. But it's the thing you've ever done i'm telling you by a factor of a hundred yeah then i'm happy to say that i still have the best part of life to look forward to yes i think that's lovely unless my well even if my dick doesn't impregnate properly like i always have this fear of my semen you adopt you adopt also it's gonna work modern medicine is miraculous

it is miraculous. Go ahead. No, I was just, I always feel compelled to do this, which is so annoying, I know. But I don't think having a kid is the only option for peace. I really don't. I would imagine it's not. I know every time I share my personal opinion, I get accused of shaming people who don't have kids. But I wanted to be clear. I'm sharing with you my personal experience in life.

That's it. You are, but you're also telling him. I want to do it. I want to do it. Yeah, and you should. I would tend to agree. My problem is I just feel like all the things that someone would say to teach you

about how you're not thinking the right way, I am already aware of. That's the weird thing. So I'm not learning new information. And I guess I would just need to train my brain. You're still going to feel the feeling every time. Your brain is still going to have all the thoughts. It's a matter of then knowing, oh, this is that thought that leads me here.

I don't want to go there. It takes a lot of fucking effort to be constantly evaluating your emotions and thoughts. But you can't just hope that they're not going to happen. They are gonna. Yeah, but I don't know. I want to deduct the baby from it. And I actually want to isolate why, for me, it's been incredible. I, up until that point, was focused on the love I could receive.

And that felt good. But it was very temporary. Again, I do know Brad Pitt. It felt incredible. I've gone on motorcycles with him. It's insane. But it's very temporary. Yeah.

It wears off quickly and I need another hit. When I was forced to flip the equation into how much love I give, lo and behold, peace is on the other side of the amount of love you're giving. It's not the amount of love for me that I was receiving. I read, I mean, I don't read. I'm not a big reader, but I did read the first half of a book called The Second Mountain, which is all about how by design we live our lives trying to like get up our mountain. That's not happiness. Real happiness is only when you give. You start sharing what you got on that mountain. Yeah. And then that's the second, I mean, it adds up. It makes sense. Life can't be this

one dimensional. I've achieved everything I've ever wanted to achieve kind of already. Right. And you run out of shit to achieve. You run out of shit to achieve. And there's got to be a whole lot more to life. And there is, I am globally happy truly every day. I'm not got to be a whole lot more to life and there is i am globally happy truly every day i'm not trying to be a downer what i'm trying to do is like when i meet someone that i feel like i share a similar disposition and i like i genuinely like you i like you too i have this and it's the mountain thing i haven't read that book but my therapist told me about it and yes my therapist told me is like you've reached the age where it's like you have to transition from getting the approval of people you like to mentoring people you like to like giving the things away that you've gathered and that you're

gonna find more joy in that than you ever found in receiving it that's what i'm saying i don't think it's baby specific i think it's giving specific yeah okay you're so fucking cute and i like you so much as well as i would hope that it could have. But really quick, let's just hone in on what's special about Peanuth. Yeah. Did it, right? I nailed it. It's been eight years since I've even put out a body of work,

and I just think being able to have the opportunity to hear present-day Lil Dicky is just a very satisfying thing to offer. It would kill you if I played Monica five seconds of this? Miss Rick Adams? Yeah. No. You're playing it off like Spotify or something?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, sure. Is that cool? Yeah. Is there another happy moment? I don't know why. I just thought in my head Spotify or something? Yeah, yeah. Oh, sure. Is that cool? Yeah. Is there another app you're going to use? I don't know why. I just thought in my head right there, I was like, well, are you playing the rough mix? I like for whatever reason thought you had my demo.

I have it all. I have your scratch track. That's how long it's been since I've put music out on a streaming platform. Right. That's what I'm saying. Like, I can't believe you have access to my music right now. Yes. Just the line.

Play it. Okay, great. Don't think about practice. This is the song Rachel McAdams. You're going to get so horny, Monica. She was on the show as well. This is really

already really good. Call me Mr. McAdams. I take your name, girl facts. It's insanely far-fetched. I ain't playing while you think I've been rapping to be Mr. McAdams. Say,

don't lie to me, don't lie to me, don't lie. You think I'm fucking sick. You think I lost my shit. You think I'm weird AF. But that endearing freckle up on your chin

is too much. I got a freckle up on your chin is too much I got a freckle on my face too I know you've dated Taylor Kitsch And I know you've seen Ryan Gosling's dicks Oh girl, I don't know it all girl I just wanna take you to a ball, have a ball girl Valley will call me Mr. McAdams I love this.

Wait till you hear the Brad Pitt line. It's so fucking funny. I love this too. It's one of my favorite songs. This is great. I don't know why I'm telling you about your hair. You would know best. You was there. It's your hair girl. Like a fest that I sucked it. Not sucked it. Like gave head. I'm just bad at doing this shit.

Girl. Just let me prove that. I heard you're five foot four. I bet you ain't even know. That's my ideal height. I'm six foot five, 11. I'm five,

10. I got fans too. So I can relate to this being off putting, but I just know you'd like what I could give. Imagine without no chips. Imagine me. I bet your door. I don't know where, what would you say? Oh Imagine guac without no chips. Imagine me a bachador. Out of nowhere.

What would you say? What would we do? Probably be weird. Too much buildup. Too much press. Or maybe we would fight like rabbits. Maybe I'm your Brad Pitt. But Brad Pitt don't think about him.

That's great. That's great. Thank you. I love it. I'm glad you played it. Yeah. Fuck Brad Pitt. Don't think about him.

Oh, that's good. It's so good. Yeah. Really good. Yeah. It has like an undeniable emotionality to it. It warms my heart, that song. Yeah.

For Monica, it's Matt Damon. Yeah. Right. We all have our version of that. We do. And you just certain your heart would be completely full and exploding. Yes. If they only met you, they'd know.

I don't know if you noticed when you sat down and peed, but there is a standees of Monica being kissed by Matt Damon in the shower. It's real? What's a standees? It's a photo that we made into a whole. It's a real photo. Yes, it's in the shower. He was on it. He put his hands on you.

He kissed her on the forehead and she had a smile. And I've known her for eight years. I've never seen it. I didn't know it existed. Yeah, I understand. I understand completely. You get it. Now, what if you guys saw Matt Damon and Rachel McAdams engaged in making out?

Would you be? I would hate it. You would hate it. I would have no problem with it. You would be supportive. Wow. Yeah. You want her to be happy.

I need Rachel to be happy. I'm only okay with him being with me. How's that going? It's not going great since he is married with like five children. And she also seems so cool and nice and pretty. I'm sure she is. She's perfect. Is McAdams married?

Yeah, I think so. Okay. You didn't learn that while you were shooting with her? She definitely has a partner. I think they're married. She definitely lives and has kids with a guy. Oh, well, there we go. But was that so fun?

So fun. Yeah, I'm lying in bed with Rachel McAdams. And did you have that moment? I hope for, and I've had it in real life, which is like, I know I'm not going to be with this person, but I'm looking for one moment where I go, yeah, I think we could have been. I didn't have that moment. You didn't. I just had such respect for the moment in general of the child in me who always dreamt of being with Rachel McAdams. I know she's married and has children.

Totally. To be seen by her in real life. The smile is not, oh my God, we could have been together. No. It's what is this life of mine? Exactly. That has got me here. Yes. It's so beautiful. It's beautiful. She's just as delightful as I would have ever imagined her. Wonderful. Yeah. She's great. What a wonderful note to end on. How many tracks are on Peanuth? 22. See, I don't remember that many songs in the show. I know, that's the thing. There are. There's more.

I only put on the songs that I believed, if you haven't seen the show, they stand alone, and it's got my stamp of like, I am fine to release this right now in 2024 because I fuck with it. There are a lot of songs in the show that are really funny or silly that don't pass that checkbox for me. Right.

So there's actually probably like 40 songs that have been in the show. These are like the best 22 of them. I'm telling you, even though you've seen every episode, you'll listen to this album and you haven't heard the songs. You've heard like eight seconds of different moments here and there. Even when I was listening to this this morning, I saw it in the show, but I actually don't remember. I hate to say it, but I think the show can oftentimes cheapen the music.

You can't do the whole thing and you don't give it the same evaluation that you would. It just doesn't feel real. You'll appreciate the music way more listening to it than you would if it was in the show watching it. What's interesting is when you hear it in the show, you've joined other people's lives. But when you listen to it in your car driving somewhere, the song has joined your life. There's something that music does on a connectivity level that even I don't think film can do. And I'm a way bigger film TV fan in general. I'm not this guy who's obsessed with music beyond being obsessed with his own music career.

I don't like going to concerts. I'm not listening to music all day long. But I do think that there's a certain thing when people come up to me and like I see it in their eyes that they're the most hardcore Dave slash Lil Dicky fan. They always talk about music. They don't talk about the show. And that's surprising because I think the show is so much better than the music that has been released. That's why I'm happy to release this body of work that I think has caught up. I'm only now catching up to the show musically and that's why I'm trying to jump on it and continue to make music because I really feel like I'm at the peak of my powers. Yeah.

I look forward to it. Will you give me the Rachel McAdams moment I want? Because we're not going to do it. We're both busy. But we could have been friends. We will be friends. Why can't we be friends? I have an appetite for it.

I think that we'll— I like you. I think we'll start as, like, distant— Let's exchange numbers at the end of this and see how the texting goes. It'll go really good. I can't wait. I got a pretty good text game, too. Me, too. I want to brag. All right. I adore you.

I'm so fucking happy you came today. Good luck. I adore both of you. It was fun. Very fun. You guys are cool, and we would be friends, and we should be friends. Okay, well, now you live very close. If Venice, it was a non-star. Yeah. Honestly. The Sportsman's Lodge is easy. Yeah, let's go get a rotisserie chicken. That's right. Let's go grab a rotisserie chicken.

All right. Good luck, Dave. Not a rotisserie chicken. That's right. Let's go grab a rotisserie chicken. All right. Good luck, Dave. Not a physicist. Thank God. Thank you for having me. I'm big fans, and I appreciate you. Next up is the fact check. I don't even care about facts.

I just want to get in your pants. I want to make something very clear. Do it. I am not dipping. Yeah, okay. I want to make something very clear. Do it. I am not dipping. Yeah, okay. I want to address this. So in the middle of that, we just did an interview. Yeah, yeah.

I was even thinking of the pictures people probably were like, oh, damn it. I looked over. I saw a tin. Uh-huh. And pouches. Right. But it was open and there were pouches. I knew then it wasn't your normal thing. So I didn't know what it was. Right. I knew then it wasn't your normal thing. So I didn't know what it was.

Right. But I knew it wasn't your normal dip. So it's not tobacco. What is it? So I was having dinner with Kutcher. Uh-huh. Who has had a checkered past of dipping himself. Sure, sure.

So I was telling him, you know, I quit. Yeah. For New Year's. And he goes, you know what I've been doing? Is just chewing these green leaves okay there's a company that just does is it like tea yes it's just like an organic mint tea bag interesting and he's like it totally satiates the oral fixation and he's like it's just something to do and it kind of replaces the thing you want that i missed the like the ceremony

of putting it in and it lasts for this amount of time but you don't have to spit it out no i just swallowed it it's just tea leaves green green leaf oh my god it's mint you could have one in fact maybe i will yeah they're really neat i was pretty delighted i ordered three of them last night. And then, of course, my family, well, my children were like, dad, you're not supposed to dip. And I'm like, hold on. It's not. I almost could not convince them this wasn't dip. It looks just like it.

Yes. It's identical and it's supposed to. It's supposed to. Yeah. Okay. I like this. Yeah. So I was like, I'm probably going to hate them because it's not tobacco.

Right. But then I did a couple last night and I was like, hey now. Does it have caffeine? Because green tea does. You would think, but here, smell them and stuff. And I'm not even positive they're tea, but they would have to be, right? Green Leaf Organic Mint 20 Pouches. Okay, hold on.

Let me do some stuff. Green Leaf is an all-natural energy supplement designed to provide a healthy alternative to tobacco products. A unique blend of green tea, peppermint, turmeric, baking soda. Is that good or bad? Oh, that's your toothpaste. Exactly. Okay. This may replace your arm and hammer.

And Stevia is packed into each pouch to help freshen your breath, boost your energy, help whiten your teeth, and help combat dependency to tobacco products. This is great. Yeah, it's nice. Let me smell one. Because I'm going to the sand dunes and, you know, this is- Smells good. Go ahead, put one between the cheek and gum.

I'm going to put one here for later. Because it might be like your tooth. Remember, you liked toothpicks. I loved. You and I were both kind of addicted to toothpicks for a while. Oh, wow. Good catch. Thank you so much.

That one came from a bit outside. That was out of my strike, what do they call it, Ron? Strike zone. Strike zone. It was pretty outside the strike zone. Got to keep you on your toes. But going to the dunes is ripe with triggers, which is like I can tell myself I'm out of town. I could tell myself, oh, I'm only going to dip in the desert, right? I could have all these things. So

I think going there was something to just kind of chew on. I really think that's smart. You're going in with the plan. Thank you. I'll try it later, but currently I'm drinking spearmint tea. I'm trying to drink two cups of spearmint tea a day. Does it have some kind of medicinal benefit or just arbitrarily you want to do two? Well, on the package it says you can have two a day. Oh, why only two?

Sometimes when I drink too much tea, I feel a little weird. It's too healthy. I need a little like. Do you get Honus? I did yesterday, but not from that. Yeah. You didn't even tell me. As we know, that's the greatest sign of good health.

Yeah, I was really healthy. Okay. I don't think that had anything to do with the tea. Maybe it did. I don't know. But anyway, I'm trying to drink. Oh, my God. I got to tell you something.

Go ahead. There are some times I'm really annoyed by these comments, and then sometimes they're so preposterous, I think it's laughable. So I read this comment after the expert we had on, Matthew Desmond. And the comment was like, this was such a good episode and I would love to be able to send it to friends. But then you have to make the fact check so disgusting with that potty talk. The squatty potty. This person was so. About that?

That was in the fact check. Yeah. We were talking about. That's like the least. Like you're sensitive and fragile to that. How are they listening to any of our shows? I don't know. But this person was like, well, no, I can't send it.

It just totally disappointed us that we dared have a squatty potty conversation on the backside of the Desmond episode. I'm sorry, person. Also a light knob. It's like where your knees are. Exactly. We weren't even- I mean, I'm sure we talked lighten up it's like where your knees are exactly we weren't even I mean I'm sure we talked about poop because we do it's part of the squatty potty

it's part of the squatty potty but look I would hope that this person I feel sad for them a little because I think they're repressing some something's going on and it's repression based I think so too

and I think it could be that they're impacted bowel-y. And so they should probably get a squatty potty to release that. Okay. That's probably great advice. Spearminty. I just, I tried to imagine, sorry, I got it. One more bit on this. Okay.

I literally tried to imagine listening and going, oh, fuck. Fuck. I can't believe you're talking. I know. I tried to imagine. I can imagine it. Okay. So what do you, you must do some sense memory or some replacement?

I'm doing a replacement. Okay. What would we be talking about? Not us. Yeah. I'm thinking about other shows I listen to. And I'm thinking of one specifically I won't give details on. I stopped listening to this show.

Because of this? I'm, yeah, I really enjoyed the show, but the host, they can't help but be a Republican. That's like, they can't help but show that I'm not aligned with them. Okay. And it took a while to get there. I love the show, but, and I would have that reaction when he would say things. I was like, why do you have to take it here? Why do you have to say this?

Why? And I eventually stopped listening. Right. Because it did not align with my values. And so perhaps this doesn't align with their values. And that's okay. Is that person not moving their bowels? I mean, this is...

Some people hate potty talk. Yeah. And that's okay. That is. We're not for you. Yeah. Yeah. That's just the truth.

I wrote, sounds like you made the right choice. Oh. Okay. They were like, I'm never listening to the fact check again. Oh. I'm like, okay. Sounds like you made I'm never listening to the fact check again. Oh. I'm like, okay, sounds like you made the right choice. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't think you should engage with people like that. Well. Because it's not fair. That's the best I can do. It's not fair, though. But I engage with people on positive stuff all the time. But like. I'm doing a lot of engagement.

I know. I'm just saying. Yeah. I would prefer that those people don't get any comments from us. Okay. Because then just don't listen to the fact check. You don't get any comments from us okay because then just don't listen the fact check you don't have the fact that you have to make it so known doesn't deserve anything from us anyway so what i like is well i guess it's a little bit of a punishment it's posed as some kind of threat yeah like i'm not gonna listen And so a little bit of my sense of justice is like I also want them

to know like that is fine with me. I know. I know where you're coming from. I do. Right, right. I also just know that's not how it works and that they do get confirmation

for their bad behavior. They get some validation for it. It was big enough to elicit a response. I can't win this internet thing. I know. I have made lots of progress, though. Yeah, it's hard.

I used to get into it on Twitter. Early days of Twitter. Yeah. I'd be in like a two-hour long fucking back and forth debates with strangers. I just couldn't resist. I know. Yeah. Spearmint tea. Yeah, it's beautiful. Spearmint. The. I know. Yeah. Spearmint tea.

Yeah, it's beautiful. Spearmint. The reason I'm doing it. Oh, yes. Is because I've heard it's good for your skin. It's good for hormonal acne. I've heard. Okay.

And my skin has been in bad shape this year. It's obviously so hard to know. It's been in great shape this year. It's obviously so hard to know. It's also been in great shape this year. Well. Because there was this period, if I'm going to remind you. I mean, this year is in 2024. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Okay, okay. Like, in the past month.

In two weeks. Yeah, in the past two weeks, two, three weeks. Okay, okay. In this last cycle, my skin has been bad. And there's so many factors. Travel. Presents. Christmas food's so many factors. Travel. Presents. Christmas food.

So much travel. Stress. Yeah. Lots of stress. Let's not rule out the stress. Yeah. Tons of stress. But also hormones.

I can feel it. I feel like this whole, since I started my period last, I feel like I've been about to start my period for a month. Oh, man. It's awful. But then I am now almost at the end. I bet this person hates period talk, too. She probably doesn't have a period. She might be menopausal.

Post-period. Oh, okay. Post-period. She could also be menopausal, which is why she's upset. Well, let's not paint the men in pot. You said it, not the man. I don't know what she's going through. I'm just trying to lend some compassion.

I know it really deeply upset her to hear about the squatty putty. I know that. Well, yeah. She's not going to like this period talk. But anyway, I just had a lot of fun. Great way to put tampons. Did you ever use a squatty putty to put a tampon in?

Maybe we can bring both things together and make it. I'm sure I, yeah, I'm sure I have. Yeah, it seems like you would. I don't wear tampons as much anymore though. Oh, okay. Your post tampon. Not post, I do. But not menopausal or perimenopausal.

Well, I don't know. I could be peri, but I mainly try to use period underwear now. Okay. But also I do. Because it's healthier? I mean, yeah. It's like not ever. I mean, there's like all natural tampons, whatever.

I'm not going to get into beef with the tampon industry. But yeah, having like cotton up there isn't amazing. Sure. And for me, a big fear of forgetting. Yes. You have a big fear of forgetting. Yes. You have a big TSS. Remember when I had it? That's a shock syndrome.

Almost. You can't say I had it and then say almost three seconds later. Well, I can and I didn't. Remember when I died? Almost. Yeah. Anyway, my hormones have been all over the place. I'm trying to cure it with spearmint tea.

How's it going? Your skin looks really good from here. It's too hard to know. Your skin looks great. I'm staring at you. No,armint tea. How's it going? Your skin looks really good from here. It's too hard to know. Your skin looks great. I'm staring at you. No, it's not. No, it does. You're not going to be able to see it by looking at your computer screen.

Don't look at it. Okay. Don't look at me. I guess I can stare at the quilt. Yeah, that's the trick. That's not. This is preferable. All right.

So TBD on the spearmint tea. TBD. We'll find out. But right now it seems like it's working. Thank you. Yeah. I'm not telling. I'm not filling you full of bullshit. Well, you're.

What am I? Your eyes. How are you going to invalidate this? I know that you're, you want me to feel good. It's a nice thing. It's a nice thing. Or your eyes are as bad as mine maybe, which is great for all of us. Listen, your skin looks incredible from right here.

It's caramelly and smooth. Who doesn't like caramels? Me, actually. That woman. And that woman. That's where me and the woman can find solid. See eye to eye. Maybe that's the common ground.

Yeah, I don't. I want to, but I don't. It's too chewy. Oh, wow. It's just too chewy. What if you let it dissolve in your mouth and your tongue? Too long That's all day

Oh wow You gotta get like fresh You brought us some delicious Yeah that'll dissolve in like 10 minutes I've tried it Rob This is like grass volleyball Yeah If this is a SAT question

It's grass volleyball is to Younger Rob's caramels Right Duck fat caramels I don't Ooh Rob's caramels. Duck fat caramels. I don't. Duck fat caramels. Olive and Sinclair. I want to love it so much. Have you tried the duck butter caramel?

Ew, tax. Sorry, but I'm on a mission to destroy the. Well, that's a good timing with little Dickie. It is, it is. Oh, that's true. Oh, yeah, because this is Dave. That's true. Oh, yeah.

How could we not be talking about. Yeah, if someone feels like there was a radical transition between Dave and this. They're wrong. But actually, that's not necessarily true because I don't, you know, I haven't watched the show. And I assumed Dave would come in and be like nasty, just nasty. Right. Yeah, you said that. I did say it, which is why I can say it again. Which be like nasty, just nasty. Right. Yeah, you said that. I did say it, which is why I can say it again.

Which is the funnest part. Yeah, he's not at all. He's very smart and normal. Yes, and sweet. And very sweet. And cute. And so, in fact, this is not really fair to him. Right.

Because we are making the stereotype real. Okay. Well, we'll march forward regardless. Yeah. Anything else? I'm going to the dunes. Yeah. Generally, not even generally, always. Always. I am not prepared. It's always day of that I have to leave that I'm scrambling around and I'm running and I'm getting a battery and nothing's loaded and all this shit. Yeah. You said this last time, are there updates? Well, just the, I guess the thing that was still hanging that no one gives a fuck about an update on is I was waiting for the bus to not be operational. That was like my last, I was convinced that

there's no way it would go this smooth. So last night pulled the pop-outs in, fired it up, all the suspension filled with the appropriate PSI of pressure. Wow. It leveled correctly. It clearly can't wait to be driven and pull that trailer. And then I hooked the Raptor up to the little trailer so it's ready to get in and drive away. So all I got to do is slide the bus back, hook it up to the trailer, and I'm off. The food is the best it's ever been. Ooh.

I downloaded movies for us to watch. Aw. It's so much nicer to be ahead of it. Because usually I'm like, what I want to be is what I was this time, which is I'm so excited to go. But generally, I'm just completely filled with anxiety and I'm not going to have everything done and nothing's running. I'm going to have to fix shit out there. So it's like, I'm not excited on the day I go. I'm panicked. Yeah. So this is lovely. I'm proud of you. I did a six mile hike yesterday.

Yeah, incredible. Loved it. Yeah. What else is new? Okay, hold on. Should we talk about our creative difference? Oh, sure. Well, just because we started to talk about it.

Well, I think we should talk about it on Molly's episode. But we never got into it. Well, we didn't get into it on the episode, but we talk about it at the- Well, I think we should talk about it on Molly's episode. But we never got into it. Well, we didn't get into it on the episode, but we talked about it, which I think in the fact check of that one, it would be satisfying to hear about it. But do you think that will stay in because that's part of the problem?

Sure, let's talk about it. So go ahead. I wanna say we had a creative difference, which is so minor which is uh so minor it's so minor and it's so rare we've it's true we almost never have creative differences we have personal differences uh-huh yeah in life in life that sometimes bleed in here sure but gratefully we have a very similar tone in what we think things should be. Creatively, yeah. We generally like and hate the same movies. We like and hate the same shows.

We are very in line with our goal for this show. Absolutely. And this network. Yep, yep. Which helps, right? If everyone's following the same North Star, it's easy. And you reached out today saying that you felt that the Curt and Wyatt episode, the beginning, was too long before we start, which I agree. Oh, you do?

I do agree. Oh, okay. It was just, it was so much longer. Yes, yes, yes. That for me, it was so tight. And by the way, that was my assumption. To me, it was just like when I've edited a scene in a movie I've shot and I've been in there working on for eight days and then I finally show Nate and Panay and it's like it's

still long but relative to what I was dealing with it feels incredibly short so I don't really have the perspective so I just felt like I was never like Monica has bad taste or she's critical she's not critical I was just like yes she probably already cut a bunch out, but I was listening to it going like, I think I would have turned this off by now. Yeah, yeah. Because I agree. I actually think we agree. I think we agree, too. Because I think the 30 seconds of it is awesome.

It's very much when you're watching a stand-up special and you get to see backstage for a minute and you get to see some other things. Yeah. But I think, for me, that's got to be really short. I agree. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So it's not really a difference at all.

But so you sent that. And at this point, if you're hearing this, you won't even be able to compare it because it's gone. Yeah. You asked for it to get trimmed. Retrimmed. Retrimmed. The whole reason I wanted to bring up the creative difference is because I think you and I are getting better at navigating problems together. Yeah, I do too. Yep. Yeah.

I'm grateful for it. Me too. Yeah. It takes time to understand how to do it. Well, I would hope that both of us feel over time that we both genuinely appreciate what the other person adds. And we're less, it's less likely to go into a zone of like this person thinks I don't know what I'm doing or I'm not good enough or I'm not any of these things. I hope that's what we earn over long friendship. Yeah, I think so. Skin looks great.

Stop looking at it. Rob, how's your skin look? No, don't look at it. It's great for me. Skin looks great. Stop looking at it. Rob, how's your skin look? No, don't look at it. It's great for me. Smooth and caramel. Like a duck butter caramel. Ew. Duck fat caramel.

Duck fat. Duck fat. That's still. No, it's so like smooth and creamy. Smooth and creamy and soft. And it'd take a long time to dissolve in your mouth. Too long. Not this one.

Okay. Couple facts. Okay. Is it bad to force yourself to pee before bed? While the just-in-case pee may seem like a smart thing to do, it is actually a bad habit for your bladder. Peeing when you don't feel the immediate need to do so trains your bladder to empty when it isn't actually full yet. Ooh.

So y'all have bad, weak bladder. The problem is, I feel, well, by the way, I always pee a bunch of ounces and I feel like I have to pee. I think that article's for people who aren't compulsively drinking a couple gallons of fluid a day.

Why don't you try? I mean, because I'm a doctor now. Yeah. I think you could just try to go four hours. Without a pee-pee? Yeah. But while you're drinking. Well, I do do that in here.

I go three hours. Let's try four. I never get up to, I've never interrupted an interview to pee. Now, if someone else prompts it, I will definitely do it. Yeah. But I'll just deal with it. And then also when I drive very long distances, I'll do it. So which means.

Although I do pee behind the wheel quite a bit. You know that about me. I know. You pee in cups and stuff. Yeah, yeah. I think you should, let's train your bladder to know you pee in cups and stuff. I think you should, let's train your bladder to be like mine in your pelvic floor. All right. Mine's so strong. Solid as a rock. You also, I mean, just objectively, you drink about less than a fifth

of fluid that I drink. I mean, I don't think you're always paying attention to how much I'm drinking out of these mugs. Let's quickly do an inventory. So you got up and what did you have? I got up. Yeah. I had to take my probiotic. No, we need fluids.

I'm telling you. Oh, okay. My God. Had to take my probiotic, so I had water with that. How much water? Four ounces, three ounces? Like four sips. Four sips.

Okay, so probably a couple ounces. Then I had a full mug of hot water with lemon. Great, so we're at 14 ounces. Yeah. Twelve ounces. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I had a full mug with black tea

with a little milk. Yeah. How much now? 24. 30. No, no, wait. 12 plus, what did I say before? 14. So 26.

Okay. Yeah. Then in here. Have you noticed I have started holding a pen? Like I'm Bob Dole. For your math. Actually, I found that it helps me a lot with interrupting people. I go, have you noticed at all when you're sitting next to me, I now spin this pen.

Oh. And I've noticed it's like really helped me interrupting people. Accidental discovery. Interesting. 26. Okay. Then I came in here. Then I had this size mug.

Right. Did you feel it was very brim? Yeah. So what are you going to say, 14 ounces for that? I think 20. No. Are you sure? No, it's not 20 ounces.

Does it say on here? It's 18. And you went, okay. You think it went to the very top. Top, top. Fine. What do you get? I'm just.

Fine. 16 and a half. 16 and a half. So that puts us at 2.5. So 32.5 ounces. us at 2.5. So 32.5 ounces. And this is my second. Oh, my God.

We're adding another 16. Okay. So that's going to be 48. But you said it was 0.5. So 49. 49 flat. By 130. Not too shabby.

Not shabby at all. And would you agree this is a pretty abnormal intake for you? This has not historically been your intake. This has been my intake for like a week. I don't know if I've ever seen you go through two mugs. Since I've been doing spearmint tea, I've been doing – Yes. Well, that's true. I didn't drink last night or the night before.

Okay. So now you add some more ounces because of the no drinking from yesterday. No. That's not how this works. It's hydration. So I woke up and i had a 12 ounce cup of coffee okay then i went to the gym and i had a 40 ounce blender cup full of pre-workout okay are we and we're counting that as liquid even though it's like kind of it's water water. Yeah, I'm definitely counting as liquid. Okay. I poured it down my throat. Doesn't it have protein?

No. Oh, got it. Yeah. Pre-workout is like. I don't know what that is. It's mostly caffeine. Oh, got it. Okay.

Then I came in here and I had 12 ounce cup of coffee that Rob had prepared for me. Thank you, Rob. Rob, was it 12 or? Oh, that one's 10, isn't it? That one's 10, but it goes all the way to the top. All right, but so I'll take that down. I'll make that 10. I'll go down. So now we're at 62.

It says on the coffee maker how many ounces. And then I had a 12 ounce Diet Coke. So we're at 74. And then I had half of this. This is 16.9. So I'm going to say 8.4, 8.4. So all in, we are at 82.4 versus 49 ounces. And, you know, that's virtually twice as much.

How many times have you peed? One time. One time today? No, not one time, two. Five times a month. No, not one time, two, five times a month. Since we've begun recording hours ago, I've had one squirt. Okay.

I don't know. I don't know where all this is going. I just want you to let me train your bladder. Okay, okay. My God. I think it's both. Both what? I think it's both your body doesn't like to feel like it has to pee.

Yeah. But you also drink a lot of liquids. That's a great compromise. I'm the same way where if I feel like I have to pee, I'm going to just go. Neurotic about it. Yeah, you guys are neurotic. But I'm also drinking a ton of liquid. Well, I just need you to practice. You guys are so full of excuses.

Well, I know where mine came from was when I was a projectionist. You had a window where it was like, here's 10 minutes when I can pee. If I gotta pee, I gotta do it or have an hour until I can do it. When you just said that, I don't know why, when you just said you were a projectionist, my first thought

is like Rob had a life where he like projectile vomited for like a job. Oh, wow. Like a magician, like a weird type of magician. Sword swallower. Yes. Just for half a second I thought that.

I was inclined to watch some clips from AGT recently. Sure. Easter egg. Easter egg. And there was a performer who put a like three foot sword down their throat that's not the terrifying part they then did a back flip they had to train themselves to do a back flip without using their like without doing what you have to do to initiate that yeah oh my god it hurts it hurts me it hurts me too because you got to think of where that pressure would be is like in your anus.

How do you even, but even lifting your legs. Does it come out of his anus? That would be a trick if he put it in his mouth and pulled the whole sword out of his ass. That person would have to win. Okay. Okay. Yeah. All right.

Rachel McAdams. It is unclear if she's married because on Wikipedia, it's just partner. She has a partner. So my guess is they're not's married because on Wikipedia, it's just partner. She has a partner. So my guess is they're not. Yeah, I'd probably say spouse. Yeah, great. Kurt and Goldie never married.

Yeah, I like that. I do too. Okay, Alexander Pushkin. That's who Dave rapped to. And who Malcolm named his- Company after. Actually, I wanted to email Malcolm and just do a little double check on that. Make sure that's where the name came from. But I was in a rush and I didn't. Okay. I guess we could TBD that.

We can TBD it. I will email him today. He's a Russian poet. I just want everyone to know, if they don't know. Russian poet, playwright, novelist of the Romantic era. He's considered by many to be the greatest Russian poet, as well as the founder of modern Russian literature. Pushkin was born into the Russian nobility in Moscow. What year? In 1799. Just at the end. I sure wish he would have remembered that rap.

Me too. And then did it for us. Okay. would have remembered that rap and then did it for us. Okay. Okay. The Emmy performance is here, if you want to watch a little bit of it. The one that he talked about. Oh, right, right, where he didn't know what he was doing.

But he said it looks good. Yeah. I came up on Friends, Curb, and Seinfeld. I'm so white, but love me some blackish. And 15 bins. And I enjoy Ted Lasso, but 20 nominations is a lot. I'm a tough chef with a sauce. I may destroy you all. Out here like toothpaste, how I'm getting my two walls. And these we bag. CBS, thank you.

I have to go. I gotta. It's Greek. Yeah, it's great. You'd have no idea. Yeah. Yeah, no problem. Wow. That's impressive. Thank god he pre-recorded it

well exactly that was the whole thing but he really pulled off the motions he sure did i bought every second of it and i even knew yeah same i it was so good i started wondering if his story was true i was like he lied this guy's of shit. What else did he lie about? Oh, man. That's it. That's everything? That's all for Dave. Dave was really fun. I really, really, really enjoyed him.

I like sweet boys. I do, too. Vulner boys. Vulner boys are nice. Yeah. You could take him with you to the sand dunes with Aaron, and it'll be a bunch of vulner boys. Yeah. I don't know if that's up his alley, but I'm willing to extend that.

No one thinks it's up—well, obviously some people do, but a lot of people don't think it's up their alley until they try it. I totally agree. You would be in that group. Yeah. One of my favorite things is you even thanked me one time. You said, thanks for having me do that. That's not something I would have ever done in life. And that was also for sh me do that. That's not something I would have ever done in life. And that was also for shrooms.

Yeah. And so since I have so much evidence of doing things outside my comfort zone. Yeah. I think you can trust. I just really don't like grass volleyball. But really quick. I don't want to scratch a fresh wound. Did we find out that you have tried grass volleyball?

I've tried it. Are we sure? I'm not sure. Okay, I didn't feel like you were totally sure. I already told you that it had nothing to do with the grass. Yep, it's your wrists. It's my wrists. My dainty, dainty wrists.

Right. Yep. So I accept it. It's just, it is hard when someone says, Ity wrist. Right. Yeah. So I accept it. It's just, it is hard when someone says, I do not like tomato soup. I've never tried it. But no, it's like saying, no, okay. It's like saying, I don't like tomato soup.

I've never tried it, but I hate tomatoes. Yes, I did a great analogy. That's fair. That's a really good one. I love it. But I can immediately think of an exception, which is many, many people, myself included, most of my life hated onions. I hate them. Love onion rings.

And that's very common. My kids hate onions and they love onion rings. So you might like tomato soup even if you hate tomatoes. Because it certainly does not taste like eating a tomato on a sandwich. That's right. It is different. Right. So I don't know. Now we're back here.

What is going to happen if I play grass volleyball and I break my fucking wrist and it is the- Then you can sue me and own the house. No, it is the float all over again. The tubing all over again. You want to put yourself in this position? That's a bummer. That's just the one strike against me, though. Because, again, the dunes worked out for you.

You probably had the same similar fear about the dunes, but that one worked out. Trooms was almost a... But it worked out. But it worked out. Yeah. But it was almost a baddie. And the tubing. Now, let me ask you.

That's a big strike. I don't even really want the answer to this, but I do. So because that happened, would you have preferred to never have gone on that trip? It's hard to regret something that didn't happen. Like if I had died, I bet I would have regretted it. You broke an arm, maybe. Yeah. Even that, if I had recovered, it's hard to look back on things and regret them if you're okay.

I was just telling my mother this exact same thing. As long as you end up where you want to be, every detail and piece of it is wonderful. But do you wish, do you regret, if you could go back in time, would you be like, Monica, I don't think you should come? Because you have to handle the burden. That's not the adjustment I would make. Sure. The adjustment I would make,

like the error I had, my big blunder was they changed that dam. It used to be this really smooth spillover that really nothing would have happened to you. I know. And that changed, and I guess maybe I should have looked into if the river had changed or not.

So I regret that part. It's like I had promised you something that ultimately wasn't true. Well, I want to relate. You didn't have to look anything. That would have been crazy if you were looking stuff up and double-checking. It felt like a crazy thing to assume they might have removed the dam, even though they do do these river reclamation projects where they get rid of dams. But I was as shocked as you were.

I know. Yeah. As we were approaching, I'm like, this doesn't look entirely. Well, Delta and I ate shit before you got. You did. Yeah. Yeah. But you guys know how to swim.

And I was the most bloodied of the sitch, if you recall. Yeah, but you weren't the most traumatized. Not at all. No, I live to get bloody. You love it. All right, well, that's all. I hope you have a great trip. Thank you.

And I'll see you on the... And Dave Bird, we love you. Yeah. You made it this far. All right, love you. Bye. And Dave Bird, we love you. Yeah. You made it this far. All right, love you. Okay, bye.