Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Ike Barinholtz #4

Episode Date: March 30, 2026

Ike Barinholtz (Artificial, Funny You Ask, The Studio) is an award-winning actor, writer, and comedian. Ike returns to the Armchair Expert to discuss the agony and the ecstasy of colonoscopy prep, how all his winning has changed his personality, and what a great group he gets to work with on The Studio. Ike and Dax talk about his crying triggers as he nears 50, why he made the decision not to try standup comedy, and how the idea hit him for his new podcast. Ike explains why everyone loves to answer questions, living his fantasy as a Jeopardy writer, and his adorable obsession with capybaras.Take printer ink off your to-do list with HP Smart Tank | hp.com/SmartTank.Check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds: https://www.allstate.com/See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Mouse. Hi there. Today we have 12-time returning guest, Ike Baranholtz, now an award-winning actor and comedian, The Studio, the Mindy Project, Blockers, Neighbors, Running Point. And he has a new podcast out now that I have been on, I'm proud to say. I hadn't been at the time of this interview and I have sense.

Yes. It's called Funny You Ask. And I'm telling you, it is a black. You do trivia and you shoot the shit. We do a little trivia in this episode. And I want to just, I did not represent my people well. Okay. Any of my people, Indian people, American people, women.

Oh, under 40s. Humans, really. I did a bad job and I'm sorry? Mermaids. Mermaids. Bad look for mermaids. It really came out of nowhere in your defense. You weren't prepped.

No, I'm just bad at trivia. It's fine. What does it get you? If anyone wants to like give me lessons, trivia lessons, DM me. Oh, I bet you're going to get actually a lot of offers. Men love teaching women things. Oh, God, you're right. Please enjoy Ike Barronholz.

He's an up to extrad. He's an option to our most returning guest. Am I number one? No. You're not. No, I'm not. But I was thinking you're a house. Like Andrew Huberman's been on 17 times or some shit.

We've only had one. one Huberman appearance. I was told on the first double video. That sounds accurate. Double penetration. Double penny. That is true. Man, we're starting off right away.

Right in that hot water. The blue. Never work blue. Funny, that's rule number one. Never wear blue. It has been virtually a year on the dot since your last appearance. Makes sense. It feels like a checkup, like a physical.

And then it got me wondering how I'm, On top of that, are you? Because I'm going to have my physical next week, and I have a colonoscopy Monday. So I'm right in the throes of lots of health scheduling. I had my physical. You did? I did. Okay, great.

A fasting physical, or you got to just arrive? I can't have anything but water in the morning, which is so hard. And coffee, black coffee? You can have black coffee, but I need like half and half. I'm such a basic little, I need my half and half. I get it. That one morning, I was like, ah. It's like in a bad mood for like 40.

Sure, sure. But it was good. He's a great doctor. He checks my prostate for like an hour. Oh. It's like a full extended remix. He has his worries or that's for everyone? Did I tell you the, I don't know if I told you this.

The first time I had him check my prostate, I didn't know what to expect. Personally, there's not been a whole lot in that direction, in that place. Right, right. Historically. You put your own finger in your butt. Not really. Never. Not really.

You went like, I was a teenager and I was like masturbating. And I thought, I wonder if this, like, I was just trying every single thing. There was just some things that I was just like, I don't need to do that. Okay. Not interesting. No, it's a personal thing. And even as like a crazy perverted Jewish teenager, I was like, eh, I'm going to skip that one. Yeah, I'll skip that one.

So suffice to say, you probably never, ever had anything in your butt. Nothing substantial for more than a few seconds. Okay, okay. Wasn't a feeling I was longing to return to. Sure. You know, maybe like one point, like a long time ago. Okay. You know a little tipsy.

I put a pinky up in charge. A little tip to me. Yenol, exploratory. Anyways, he gets in there with his friggin' hand. Oh, me. Woo! Felt crazy.

I was like, oh, then it's done in two seconds. And I was so happy he was done. He goes, oh, your prostate is perfect. Oh, he didn't do that. Oh, my God. That would have been discussing. How'd he done their chef's? It's pristine.

But he handed me like a box of tissues. And you can use that to wipe the lube out. And for reasons I'll never know. I went, I'm fine. Oh. Like it was emasculating to white. I wanted to just to kind of move past it. Yeah, you wanted to be over.

And I didn't want to be like, thank you. So I was like, I'm good. And he goes, okay. And then like the next 10 minutes, I'm just kind of like, Oh, sloppy. Slopping. Sliding around. Yeah. It's getting all squishy on the table.

So now I wipe it out. You have to. I'm going to drive home down Wilshire just like. You're potentially bleeding through under the sea. It's petroleum. There was no blood. No, no. Seeping through.

Seeping. Right, right, right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Leaching. Leaching. I don't need that stuff leaching into my Lincoln. Anyways, I went on Monday. It was great. Everything was really good. And he got in there again. Every time. The colonoscopy is only every couple of years. The prostates every year. The digital exam, they say, yeah. The colonoscopy, have you ever had one before? Oh yeah, I've had so many. Yeah. Yeah. You have like one a week.

I used to because in my family, I had on my mother's side an uncle that had a claustomy. And then my cousin that was my age had to have one in this 20. Woo. That is family history, Ben. So I was going from 18 every three years. I can't tell you how many. And then I finally saw one out here and he goes, it doesn't really generally move on the maternal side. You don't need to get this many.

So then I backed off for a while. back in a five-year rotation. Good. I will say, I love the nap. Sure. The Michael Jackson nap. I'm already rehearsing my charming pitch to them. Okay.

Because first they give you Versed to relax you. But then they hit you with the Prophefal really quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that little window of Versed is all I get. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's once every five years. Tell them, you know, drop the Preset. Then go make a phone call, get some coffee, come back, and then we'll do the Propa.

Exactly. And so I got to roll that out in the least addicty. most charming way possible where they don't think I'm a drug seeker just getting this procedure to get that 30 seconds of her said. So it's a fine line I'm walking. The worst part though for me is the prep, the night before

the soup prep. I drink it. It tastes like poison that has gone bad. Like it's expired poison. It turned poison. And it is like comical. How quickly you go from like I'm on a Zoom, everything's cool to like fucking Lloyd from dumb and dumber just

whoa! Yeah. Tarrantial's the only adjective, monsoon season in my bathroom. Are you going to weigh yourself before and after? You know how neurotic I am about all this. And also my procedure is kind of late on Monday. So that day I went and I'm like, I'm going to lose like five pounds probably. So the last couple days I've been eating ferociously knowing we have this moment of scarcity coming. But I kind of knew it was coming and this didn't occur to me until this morning. So Kristen hosts the SAG Awards on Sunday.

Yes, I'll be there. Yeah. Of course you will. bit for us, which we were very, very grateful for. So what we did last year was like, I bring the kids up and we hang backstage and it's really fun. We get to see mom. And so that's, of course, the plan again this year.

And then just this morning, I'm brushing my teeth. And I said, Chris and I said, you know, love, I'm going to be evacuating every 15, 20 minutes on Sunday. That's my prep day. Oh, no. I'm a little nervous about the logistics of me juggling to kids. You can. In a public diaper.

You got to type up, baby. Oh, no. It's going to smell so bad. And it's a communal bathroom, you know? And it's all my heroes. And I'm going to be in and out of there with full torrential sounds. Dude, you're going to be just blasting off next to Stellan Scarsgaard. I love sentimental value.

He wins his award and he's like, I just want to say. Beck Shepherd gave the bathroom a paint job before. The real suffering. I knew suffering until I shared a bathroom. This really does need to be thought through. Yeah, you've got to make a plan. I can already predict what's going to happen. I know me and I know my history.

So I'm going to load up at noon and start the process. And I know by four I'm going to say it's all done. We're safe to go kids in the car. We know this is going to happen. Well, you can't make the show about your poop. You're going to be hugging Ted dancing and you're just going to, I can't not go to this for Kristen and not bring the kids. So this is going to happen. But I already know that I'm going to be way too.

confident by 4 p.m. When I leave for the show, I'll be like, yeah, I had four hours of it. There's nothing less. Start earlier. Start at nine. Yeah. But will that fuck up the whole. Yes.

What if I take my second dose right as I'm walking into the theater? I just decide like, fuck it. Let's go all in. This is going to be miserable. Let's go for it. Oh, no. But these are the weirdest things you can't really anticipate or plan for. It's like we had a bulletproof schedule.

And now I'm going to be flushing out my whole. lower GI. My mistake I learned was the day after because I was so hungry. And I was like, I'm going to treat myself. And I ordered from rest in peace, son of a gun, one of my favorite restaurant. What was that a sandwich shop? It was like a New England seafood place, but they had like lobster rolls of rides. And I was a John and Vinny's people. That is like taking a riding mower onto the auto bond. You know what I mean? I was just like not ready for what that brought. So that's a bummer. So eat light. You know what's funny for me? Every time I do it, I get the craving for the exact same thing.

It's McDonald's French fries. Oh, yeah, those are good. The second I get in there, it'll be like, oh, I'm about a couple hours away from McDonald's French fries. That's a nice tree. That's a nice tree. Yeah, those are good. Makes the whole thing almost worth it. Now, back to your digital exam on your prostate. Yeah. You mine must go to the exact same place.

Mine does 100%. I think even maybe if you could count us down on three. What do you want to do the second he puts his finger in your button? You count us down from three. Let's see if we get lucky. Three, two, one. Cone River. Oh, wow.

Damn, I thought for sure we'd get that. Wow. That way. That is a, I didn't come. I'm sorry. I didn't know. No, C-O-M-E spray. Pump, pump spray.

Moon River is a reference from Fletch. Oh, thank you. I was like, what the fuck? But I knew he and then, and then Doc using the whole fist. He was the whole fist up there, Doc? Did you watch the Chevy documentary? I did. I started and I stopped.

You did? Tell me why. Because it was just bumming me out. Full disclosure. I had heard nothing but horrible stories about him for years. Oh, uh-huh. For guys like us, he was a big, big guy. National Ampooh's vacation.

I'm sorry, it's like one of my favorite movies. It's still to this day. It's so fucking great. Fletch is great. He was just really funny. And some people, like, I understand they didn't connect with him. I get it because his air is just not for everyone. He's arrogant.

That's kind of what he's playing up. But I heard all these stories for years. And then I started watching. And I was like, I just want to have the memory. Yeah, that's okay. There are several different things that could have been the things that took you out of it. So that's why I'm curious. Is it that like, here's a guy who is now doing small shows to support himself?

Is it that? It's a bummer? Is it how he's treating the interviewer? Bummer. I loved him. And then just got more and more depressed every time I heard stories of people who worked with them, right? But I watched the doc. And I ended up with like kind of a lot of compassion.

for him. I mean, he had a very fucked up childhood. For sure. And I will say, seems like he's a really good dad and husband now. He loves his family. Yeah. It's tough. Yeah. It's tough. It's tough. Here's what gave me the compassion is I think there is a category of person who's an asshole and they don't give a fuck and they're not even questioning it. And then I think there are people that are assholes and they themselves are suffering greatly from it. There's no, yeah, fuck you and I don't care and there's no wreckage or bill to pay. But when I'm watching that, I'm like, yeah, he's deeply uncomfortable a lot of the time in his own skin and he's got impulse shit and he's probably ADHD and all these things. And he's an

addict. I don't think the guy's winning. It's not like he's feeling great about being this asshole. But I guess to me he was winning for so long. I never get someone who had it and then just kind of through, I would say misbehavior a little bit. Yeah, yeah. Lost it. It's hard for me to really find the sympathy there. Like, I don't think he's a hateful man. Right, right, right, right.

But I just want to remember him talking to, like, Eugene Levy in vacation. And that will be my memory of him. I don't need to see him old and feeble and, like, yelling at like a woman who's, like, asking him questions. Yeah, yeah, cranky. Did you make it to the part, though, where they go through his talk show that he did? No, but I remember that talk show. Okay.

The goldfish. What happened? It was one of the biggest bombs. Around like 1994, it was talk show mania. Sally Jessie had one. Sally Jessie had one. Or Sinio Hall. Joan Rivers tried one.

But why is there only Johnny Carson? Everyone started one. And then Chevy was like the big blue chip new talk show for 94. I can't really the exact year. She was completely unsuited for it. So that's the part I would have liked for you to have seen. Because this guy. is defined by his confidence.

He just starts right away on Strait Live. When you're seeing that early footage of him, it's crazy, how much swag he had, yeah. So much fucking swagger. And then he's playing the piano confidently. He's doing everything. He's ridden on the superpower of confidence. And he gets on that stage and they show the footage. And he already kind of knows it's not going to be great.

And to see him having lost that entirely, you can feel it. As you and I, anyone is a performance, but on stage to watch that dude have to go out there every night with zero confidence and just suffer through it until they kill it. He certainly took some on the chin along the way. He gave way too much out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he also suffered like a motherfucker. He suffered.

But I suffered when I watched nothing but trouble. Which is a very bad movie, folks. Folks, it's not good. The other dog I wanted to ask you about that I presume you watched is, did you watch the Scorsese one? That I, like, inhaled. He's your guy. He's the boy.

He's the guy. All of his movies. Anytime they're on TV, I'll watch all of them. He's the greatest. And the doc was amazing. I could have watched another three or four parts of it. Okay, but now, any sadness. Now, I guess you run the risk of, like, he was on the show and maybe he'll be back.

So maybe you have some personal relationship with him. He's a co-story. He's a close friend. I had breakfast with him this morning. Okay. Is he who dropped you off? He dropped me off. Okay.

He hangs out in L.A. He runs errands. He's great for airport pickup. Yeah. I can be landing at L.A.X. And right when they say, turn your phone, I can tag. I can text him. And wherever he's at in the city, he'll come and get me and the kids drop it.

He's got sadness in his life. The things that I thought were really helpful is you just look at his career in the totality. And you really ignore that he had tons and tons of valleys. And he had tons of back to the drawing boards. So that stuff is really encouraging. Even in the doc, and he'll be the first to admit it. If Leo doesn't come around and say, I want to work with you, don't know what's going to happen. He is not getting movies made and he is not getting people signing up.

at that moment in his career. And Leo takes him on a ride that is incredible. And he's a real savior at that moment. Oh, yeah. Well, because he does casino, which is bomb. But then he's so cool that then he makes like the age of innocence, which is like a complete departure from him. And then he does the Nick Cage movie,

which again, totally crazy different movie. It doesn't work financially. It doesn't really work financially and stuff. Yes. He owns it in the dog. Leo, he definitely, which makes me just love Leo more. I know. I know because if you couldn't love the dude more.

I love that guy. I like being reminded, yeah, you could be as talented as Martin Scorses. And then also the luck gods need to be on your side, too. And then ultimately, though, I will say, and this is super selfish, but he paid an enormous price to be as good as he was. He was so hyper-focused and he ignored everything in his life. Yes. And all the wives will tell you that. He'll say it.

The kids will say it. And for me, I was just watching it. And I was like, I'm very sad. with this. That's not the outcome I'm looking for. I guess I don't give a fuck about being a genius. Me personally, if it came down to my family, both the one I have here and the one in Vegas.

Uh-huh, sure. And an Academy Award opportunity that made you ignore them for two years. Right. I'm more of that guy where I'm just like, I'll work less, whatever. He's not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm grateful for us. I'm very grateful for that because of the work he gave us.

But also, there is something now about like seeing him with, Francesca now and his daughter. And it feels like he is at peace now. He is connected to his family. I think their relationship is beautiful. I think she looks at herself as like a steward of his art. Yeah. And also putting him, I don't know if you guys follow her on TikTok,

but like the videos of her and him together are so fucking adorable and wholesome. Oh, you. I haven't seen it. And so I had seen all that before. before the doc, knowing where he's at now, that didn't hit me as much. I was just grateful. I was grateful he made it out of the 70s.

Most of the great guys out of the 70s never made it out. He spent a couple years inside doing coke with fucking aluminum foil on the windows. A crazy man with coke and asthma condition and like going crazy. And so I'm just grateful that he made it out. Can you imagine if he didn't? We'd never had good fellows.

Yeah. Like, it would be such a shitty world. So my takeaway was just like, I'm so happy for him. I know it sounds crazy for a guy. that I worked with for like five hours one day, but my takeaway was like, he's your best friend. He's a close friend. Him and Dave Stassen are my two closest.

Like you, since we saw you, have become a very winning man. Hashtag winning? You've been winning. And how has it changed your personality? I'm a dick. Yeah. On an interpersonal level now. I never had that before, but I'm very short and rude with my friends.

Can we hurry this fucking thing up, by the way? Yeah. I'm surprised we even came back, if I'm being honest. Absolutely nothing. thing has changed. But does it make you feel like, ooh, I kind of want to keep chase. Like, now you're in this elite.

The funny thing is, for years, you're like, I don't give a shit about award shows. Then you get nominated for one. You're like, I'm excited for this award. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The only one of that I actually won, I think, was the critic's choice. But I remember I got nominated for an Emmy.

And people who are well-meaning and intention will say to you, like, you're for sure going to win. Right. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then you start to be like, I'm going to win. Yeah. And then you start to craft a little narratives in your head.

You have people. on your team, your friends who are like, it's either you or Harrison Ford. And that's just what it's going to be. And so I remember being not shocked, but being like, holy shit, I didn't win, Harris Ford and what the fuck? And being like, mad. Yeah.

And then the next thing they'd be so mad that I was mad about this shit. Yes. So I remember going into the critics' choice being like, I'm not paying attention to this going in. This is wonderful. I'm honored, but I'm just like, I'm not going to allow myself to be caught being upset about it. Yeah.

Then I remember the second they call the category, I was like, oh, please pick me, pick me, please. That's honest, yes. That's the honest truth, I think. And I think everyone feels that way even if they say it. Yes, they do. Had you written a speech that you were excited to deliver? Because you're a great writer and you're a live performer. For the Emmys, I did, critic's choice, I did not because I was just like, I'm not going to win.

I'm not going to think about it. I'm not going to put myself in that position again. So then I want to say, oh, fuck. So then I just was like, I love my wife. I like so much. Please come up here. Well, I did when I got up there. The first thing I did was just look in the crowd

and locked eyes with Benicio. And I was like, nah, can't do that. Mustn't do that. It's too cool for me, man. So cool. Can't gaze upon him. In general, that show, the few I've been at with where it's at, it kind of sweeps.

It's an insanely winning show. I think it's what everything has been up for more or less. It's crazy. Yeah, so the vibe of all being together and going to the different things together is this a party. It's the greatest guy. Evan Goldberg is so fun. Catherine Hahn, Chase Sweet Wonders is the funniest. It's a great, great group and good people to be with at those things.

No, I want to ask this. This question is dicey in that it may sound like I'm applying something. I'm genuinely curious. You've been on a bunch of different things that have worked. I don't know what ratings are and stuff. Is America, like, we are all the studio 100%. How does it compare to being on, like, Mindy or Running Point? I don't know.

I know that a lot of people come up who are not in the business. Like I was just flying. We just flew to Canada. And the guy sitting in front of us was watching the studio and I could kind of see it. And he stood up to go to the bathroom and looked at me and goes, I want you to know I was watching that before I saw you. I love when people not in the business love the show. Yeah.

Like, that is very cool. And I think they did a good job. even though the show is no matter what about the business inside baseball, they do hit on themes that are pretty universal. Everyone's got like a boss who's annoying or they want credit for an idea. Like my friend Debbie, she's like, I want you to know my husband literally does not watch TV. He doesn't watch anything except Ohio State Sports.

He loves the studio. That's great. We're going to like it because we know we've been in these situations. I think in this day and age, for a show to work, it either has to have huge ratings like running points. Or as good ratings slash great ratings. People love it. Critics love it.

It wins awards. I imagine the studio kind of falls in that category where people watch it. It gets good numbers, but it's not like a Netflix, like running point, which is like a big global. Global. It's global. It's global. I'm a globalist. But it's my favorite show to work.

It's so fun. Everyone's so great. It's just wonderful people. So you guys have already shot season two or you're in the process of it? Or you're about to. Right now, my man. You're doing it right now. We're doing it right now.

Literally. And what is your work schedule like on that? It's not light. It's not like, right? We're able to break off a couple hours for this or that, for this. A couple hours. It is weird. It's not your typical show where it's like, okay, today is just chase.

And then tomorrow is all of us. And then it's just, Seth. It's like usually everyone's in all every scene. And the way they shoot it. I think there was a time where I got there. And they were like, you actually don't think you're going to be in this. And I was like, okay. It's one of those shows where you just completely surrender to the schedule.

You're on call. You're like an OB. I am. I've been doing some amateur OB. Yeah, right, right, right. You're kind of a hobbyist. I'm more of a hobbyist, enthusiasts, let's say. OB-1 Kenobi.

Is that anything if your baby doctor's last name was Kenobi? My OB is Kenobi. Oh, okay. Is that like a thing we can riff on? It's going to take a lot of setup. I'll just say that. What if your last name was Kenobi? Yeah.

You should probably go into obstinate. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. Let's have some fucking fun, guys. Come on. Okay, so you're doing that one right now and then is Running Point in production? Running Point is not a production, but we're starting to kind of get some ideas together for season three.

So you've already completed season two. Season two is what they call in the business in the can, baby. Oh, nice. Have you seen Song Song Blue, by the way? No, I've heard it's great. I keep hearing it's great. The movie's so good. her performance, it's one of the best

I've seen in so long. I was so fucking happy for her because I remember her telling me about this movie. She's like, it's really fun. It's me and Hugh. I knew the band that it's about. You did? Yeah, because they were in Chicago. People would be like, I was in Milwaukee last weekend. I saw this Neil Diamond cover band. It's a lady. So I remember them. I remember Pearl Jam having them open

for Pearl Jam. That's in the movie. And then she told me about the movie. And she's like, and I think she said it's going to come out on Christmas Day. And I was like, Focus Features is putting a movie out. Christmas Day. They think it is really good. And I saw it. We went to the screening in like months, months ago. It was so embarrassing how hard I was crying. Oh, really? It's emotional. And she is so great at it. I hope she wins the Oscar. She just killed it. How much are you crying these days? You're approaching 50, right? You're around the corner? No. What the fuck? What kind of question? I'm sorry. I'm way off. 36. I got to go, guys.

I'm sure you're late to something. I'm approaching. You're 49, right? I'm 49. Okay, I just turn 49. I cry not maybe as much, but more violently and worse. Oh, okay. So frequency is the same, but doses.

Maybe actually a little less. Oh. Yeah, because before I was crying, like, I'm having fun watching TV. Oh, that's a nice commercial. Now I'm just stoic, stoic, stoic. And then life happens or the external world happens and I'll go into like my closet. And what are the triggers? Daddy daughter stuff?

How do we do with Daddy daughter stuff? Daddy daughter stuff's not too bad, only because I think my kids are a little younger than yours, and they're still only we love dad and want to hang out. But Interstellar, once I had a baby, it's like, oh, this guy's going to miss his daughter's life. I'm destroyed. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yeah.

I was in Italy for two and a half weeks away from my family, and I'm flying back home. And I was like, man, I haven't watched Interstellar in a minute. No, horrible idea. And you just missed two and a half weeks of your family's life. The scene. When he walks in, he's like, oh, my God. It's my daughter, Murph.

I fucking lost it on Alitalia. Like Robert De Niro and analyze this. Fuck it. To me, it's more like we're at the age now where people are dying, where you have life catching up. You have friends with kids that get sick. That's the real shit. That's the stuff where you're crying and you don't feel silly about it.

Right. You're like, I fucking need to do this. And then there's just the random things. Like, I watched a clip the other day of, I want to say it was maybe the Liverpool football club soccer match. I'm not going to cry talking about it, but it was them and it was like a thing with like, you're halfway there. Yeah.

So give me every detail. It's like a sweet handicapped kid and they show up at his school and they're like, who's a Liverpool fan? And he's like, I am. And they take him. They take him to the stadium and they meet every player. And then they put him on the sidelines. And I was like, I'm an Arsenal fan, but I might have to switch to Liferpool.

Now, that was like 807 on the toilet, sob. Sob. But it's still overall less than it was probably a year ago, a couple years ago. I don't know why. Maybe because I'm too busy maybe. Maybe too busy. Too busy to cry. It's the name of my.

Can't squeeze it in. Yeah, we have a theory that these older men, it's all burbled up their whole life and it's coming out all the time. Dax cries every day. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Especially the older guys. Grown up in the 80s. If you cried in front of one of your buddies, it was like, your old family had a better

just been blown up in a car bomb or something. There was a stigma to it. And then it started in the 90s. You started seeing like modern dads. And now it is a good thing. Anyone who says it's bad, that's nonsense. It's good to fucking get it out. Stay tuned for more armchair expert.

If you dare, We are supported by Allstate. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. That's smart. Not checking which platform you watch that new show on. So frustrating. 15 minutes later, you've logged into seven apps, reset two passwords, and still haven't found it. Yeah, checking first is smart.

So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Co. Co. and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. My frequency rate just has gone like this, you know. Well, you're very emotional. Like, I'm an emotional.

Like, I think you are more emotional than me. That might be true, but I think it was very hidden. Well, you're sensitive. I'm very sensitive. I bet I'm more sensitive than you. Yes, yeah. Yours are now, what, six, eight, and twelve? Eight, ten, and twelve.

The 12-year-old? I have a 12-year-old. Yes. Have we started to have any moments where they break your heart? Oh, my God, yeah. And were you prepared for it? even though you'd been told about it, do you find yourself going like,

wow, I'm so deeply hurt in this moment, and I know I'm not supposed to be. For me, it's like small things. I try not to let it affect me. For instance, a couple weeks ago, I loved to cook. Five nights a week, they say. Pretty much, if I'm not shooting, easy five nights a week. One night's burgers, one night, maybe we'll go get ramen or something.

But I cook dinner, so excited, and made my daughter's favorite things. And at 4 o'clock, she was like, hey, I'm going to sleep at Lula's. And I was like, Yeah, you should. You should. Yeah, I'm so happy of a good friend.

Yeah, I would never be like, no. What the fuck? I'm making cutlets and mashed potatoes. So there's moments like that. Once you get a little bit older, I feel like that's when it will really start to kind to hit more. I feel bad, like when they feel bad about something. That's the empathy kind of thing of like, oh, they're having a hard time with this.

I get mad for my daughter when she has to do a ton of homework. Don't you remember as a kid? being like, what the fuck is this shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What a scam. It's bullshit. I go to school all day. Yeah.

Busting my ass. Meanwhile, I was not even... No, you barely tried. Then I got to come home and deal with this shit. No. And so I've always hated homework and seeing them have to do, like, hours of homework. I'm like, just let it be kids. Have you had a Valentine's heartbreak yet?

No, not a Valentine's. She has been a perfect amount of healthy detachment when it comes to boys. Okay. We're clearly, like, her and her girlfriends talk. about and some of her girls are boy crazy. I love Timothy Shalming, right? There's like some go-toes. Here's who they love.

Timothy is a big one. I get it. Yep, we all get it. My oldest daughter loves Tyler, the creator. Oh, great pick. She just thinks he's so cool, she like wants to be his friend. And then who else does she like? She had a huge crush on Anthony Davis, played for the Lakers for years.

Oh, okay. It was like 7-14. 14. Like a giant peanut brown. She was like, he's so dreamy. Timmy and Tyler, I'd say, are the ones. Like, I saw Tyler at like cookbook. Oh, I know. He hangs out there.

He loves it. I don't blow up a spot. But you don't know which one. Don't say which one. When I told her that I saw him there, she was like, what? Wow. Yeah. He's cool.

So she loves Marty Supreme then. We let her watch some of Marty Supreme, but it was stressing her out a little too much. Yeah, it's a little bit. She loves Dune. The Dune. I do too. do I. Those movies are so good.

He's one of these classic guys where it's like, I am predisposed to hate his guts because he's the opposite of me. He's super cute. He speaks French. Every girl loves him. I'm already mad at him. He's too good. Yeah.

Do you guys see Marty Supreme? Yes. He's unreal. He's so good. I'm going to just throw shit. I don't care. I've really enjoyed the movie. Yeah.

He's so good. What the fuck is the guy from Shark Tank doing in there? He's the worst actor I've ever seen in my life. Who? The fucking guy. Who is he? Mr. Wolderbald guy.

He's Gwen's husband. I thought he sucked and he's up there with Timmy who's acting his ass off and that guy's like his eyes are talking around. I think he's also decided to recently go to war with Phineas' sister. Billy Eilish. I think that guy has decided to have like a public war. That sounds like a good idea for a 97-year-old man to attack a 20-year-old. But I was just like, I know it's cool we put non-actors in movies.

In Marty Supreme, the guy who played his uncle. is a journalist named Larry Sloan who was amazing. Yeah. Mr. Wonderful did not do it. His eyes move around too much. He doesn't have the smoke. He doesn't have the smoke.

I said it. Let's go. I'm going to start a so dialed in. The last time you're here you educated us on gooning, which we knew nothing about all. Oh, yeah. That was helpful. Be getting deep into the goon community.

We call it the GZ. Have you been asked to host any of these award shows? I am hosting the AVNs this year, the adult video awards. Oh, great. I'm going to Vegas. Okay. For a couple weeks.

They paid pretty well, right? You're getting 12 grand? That's like I have to fly myself out there. Yeah, yeah. Local hire. I said I'd be a local hire. Yeah, of course. It's so close.

Why not? I'll just drive there. It's fine. Actually, what I'll do, they'll give me $100 something for a flight and I'll drive and use them money. Oh. Okay. For your hotel. No, they haven't.

Would you? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I mean, the thing is it. You instantly think of the worst ones. I know. But then you think of Nikki Glazer. She killed it.

So. fucking funny. Conan? He's so good. So it's like there's people who are good doing it recently that you know you could be good. But you just think of some of the rough ones. Oh, I had this thought about you today when I was rewatching a lot of stuff. You're kind of fearless in that you'll take on a lot of stuff.

You pivoted in the same way I did. Acting wasn't working. Started writing. Writing starts working really well. Now you're acting again, back and forth. And we're going to talk about your podcast. You're doing that. Do you ever feel a poll when you watch Chappelle?

And he tells a story that is woven together with so much great history that we're not aware of for the most part. He's always exposing some rad part of history that we've missed. And then he lands this plane and you're like, God, that was so fucking moving. Not that I think I'm Chappelle. I feel like I have the capacity to try to attempt to do a stand-up thing that has some kind of substantive lasting message. Do you get that, Tog? Oh, my God. I made a very conscious decision years ago.

Because people ask me, like, come and do stand up and probably a lot richer. If I had 10, 15, 20 years ago, the reason I didn't, it really does come down to laziness. Because if you do stand up, at least at first, you've got to do it a lot. Yeah. Oh, you got to do it a lot. That's the most consistent thing all comics say is like 10 years in, you figure it out. Yeah. And I was just like, that's such a big amount of time.

I also didn't want to put myself in a position where I had. that avenue. And I could call an agent and be like, see if you can book me a Tempe for like six shows and three nights because I'm broke or I need money. And then I'm on the road. It was really the notion of being on the road. And this is even

before I had kids. I'm the homebody. It's a hard life. It's a hard life. I was just like I would rather try to make it work here. But when you see a great piece of stamp, because there's a lot of shit stand-up. Sure, sure, sure. There's so much. Created so many stand-ups. They glutted the market. Now there's guys that are just like, don't even do jokes.

I don't even know what the fuck they do. But when you see someone who is giving something that's like you said substantial and the last thing, you're like, that is so fucking cool. To walk out on stage, buy yourself, big crowd,

and you're doing not just like dumb jokes and fucking crowdwork, but profoundly funny and deep thoughts. Yeah. People are cheering. You know what I would want to do one day? I did like a little thing on Broadway in December. Like a short little stand for the show all out. It was so much fun.

I'd never done Broadway before. and I really loved it. And I've always wanted to do one of the greatest, I guess I'll call it a stand-up special, but it's more like a one-man show is Eddie Isard did a show called Dressed to Kill. This is probably in like 2000. And you could watch it probably on YouTube,

and Eddie gets up there, and it's like 90 minutes. Most of it is just like history. It's just talking about why British people are the way they are, and Americans and the refermings. and takes you just kind of on a tour of Western civilization from 1500 on. And it's so deeply funny and so smart. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And to do something like that one day would be like something down the road.

I remember Chelsea Peretti, who's one of the funniest stand-ups around, posting a photo years ago of her on her couch, feet wrapped in a blanket, watching some dumb show, could not look more comfortable. And she's like, I have to be on stage at the improv in 12 minutes. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I know.

I know. Yeah. So one day, not today. This is neither here nor there. What was Christmas this year? Because you had a great story of getting not recognized, recognized at a bar, but you had 20 family members with you. And I just wanted to know if that repeats.

What was last Christmas? It did not repeat itself. Christmas was more low-key, but I was doing the show on Broadway right around Christmas. So I was in New York around which you make. Which you make that face, mom. Cozy, hazel, hot chocolate? But the reality of it is, when you're working and almost like living in Times Square.

Oh. It's disgusting. Yeah. The holidays. You can't move. Bro, you can't move. And not even like Times Square. I'm talking like 58th and eighth.

60-first and you're like, why are there 7,000 people at this walk sign? And then when you're going through Times Square, it's crazy on Christmas. It's just like guys dressed. as the Grinch, chain smoking, and, like, yelling at someone on, like, an earpiece. And we had to do a show the night of Santa Con. You know what Santa Con is? Santa Con. No, what's Santa Con?

Santa Con. Santa Con. Santa Con. Okay. It's one of the most depraved. I can't believe there's not a documentary about it. Just hearing the name. There might be, and they might have been like, we can't air this, but these people are too sick.

This is, like, a week before Christmas on a Friday night or a Saturday night. All these people dress as Santa, and they just re-examination. And they just wreak havoc around New York. They go on a big bar crawl. They get blind drunk. My friend Abby Jacobson was doing the show with me. And she took the train in from Brooklyn. And she said she got off at our stop.

And she walked up the stairs. And there are four guys dressed as Santa. All four of them are pissing against the wall. And Abby takes your earbuds out. She goes, you're fucking disgusting. But it is a gross. You just see like girls dressed as Santa falling down, like face down in.

the gutter, like guys walking into pizzerias would, like, vomit all over to their fucking Santa. Everyone's living now, Billy Bob Thornton's bad sanna. How good is bad santa? Oh, it's the greatest. I'm a fucking lunch break. And that kid's like, do you want me to make you a sandwich?

What's what's what's doing the fucking sandwiches, man? What's what's with you on the fucking sandwiches, kid? I'm not your fucking dad-da. Oh, it's incredible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You like that bad Santa, do you? Another quick question. Back to studio.

You and Seth combined seem to have about the deepest kind of Hollywood knowledge of people I know. When we were at, it was probably the Emmys, and Dan Gilroy won for Andor. And I was really confused because I thought, and this is where my knowledge extends, Tony Gilroy was the creator of Andor. I didn't know that. And I like looked over and Seth happened to be looking at me at the perfect moment. And I said, does he have a brother? And Seth goes, there's three of them.

And I'm like, of course he knows that. All I remember at that Emmys was sitting there. Seth is in the front row and Erica, my wife and I are right behind him. And I couldn't have been hungrier. Oh. So hungry. And Dax and Kay Bell are sitting right across the aisle from us. And I turn and I look.

And he's eating a fucking hot dog. Yeah. I have the full spread. And I was like, how does he have access to a hot dog? Oh, I went out in Jen Pop into the lobby and stood in a long lining. got any snack they had left. I went late and they were mostly all gone. I was really in the market for some popcorn. That was gone. So I just wanted anything they had left in the hot dogs. That was crazy. Eric was like, where did you get that? I'm like, I don't know. And I just lost.

I was fucking. I'm fucking bodcasters. Yeah, yeah. But Seth knows a lot of it. I know a lot. Yeah. So when you guys are geeking out and getting esoteric on set, who goes deeper? I would say. You're trying to be... I probably... If we were to play, like, the movie game. Yes. Do you not play a movie game?

Name any movie. Uh, breaking away. Breaking away. And I would say Dennis Quaid. And then you would have to say a movie that Dennis Quaid was in. Right. Parent Trapp.

Parent Trapp. And I say what? A senator from parent trap. Lindsay. And I can't say Dennis Quaid. Let's say you couldn't get one. You would get a letter and it's like horse. Oh, great.

If we were to play the movie game, I would probably beat him. Oh, okay. But it'd be a long game. He knows more, I think, about like, the technical shit of like, oh, the lens has to be exactly that, you know what I mean? Like, no, that was shot on a Panasonic.

He knows, I think, the filmmaking stuff more. I probably know the trivia more. Jeopardy. I mean, you're a champ. Sorry. What did you say? And champion. Excuse me?

Oh, my God, you brought your Jeopardy mug. That's great. So weird that I grabbed that one. Okay. And now, last topic before your new podcast. You said nude podcast, right? Yeah. Yes.

Yeah, that's the old. We're in a movie called artificial. Yes. And you're playing Elon Mon. Big deal, Ike. Well, I hope so. I haven't seen it. I'm nervous, but he's such a great director.

That guy. Luca Guadainio. Yes. Hit me when the last time again? Guadeno. We're talking challengers. I know. I mean,

he's a lot like challengers. And I'm like Zendaya. Oh my God. You lucky girl. My fucking dream. Who's the Josh O'Connor? That would be Andrew Garfield. And then the other one is you're a boardisoff.

It's not like challengers at all. Oh, my God. I'm so excited. But it's a story of Open AI and Sam Altman. It's the Open AI story. They tell it in a way only Luca can. Yeah, so walk me through how you end up in that movie,

what your fear level is, all that stuff. I got a call, but they're like, hey, they're making this movie and would like to talk to you about Elon. And at first, I was like, I'm not interested. I don't want anything to do with that fucking guy. But then they were like,

it's Luca Guadino, and I'm a huge fan. I've been a fan for a very long time. I don't have you ever seen it. What's the fucking movie with Tilda Swinton and Ray Fines and Dakota Johnson. I love that movie. I love, I am love, which I think it was one of his first movies. He's just like a beautiful storyteller, real master. So I was like, let me talk to Luca and we'll

see. And I talked to him and he's so charming. But let's back up before he lose you. Is your reservation? There's people you don't want to play or you're afraid you don't have the talent for it. I wanted to spend my whole fucking lie. I wanted to die and never have Elon Musk know my name. That was one of my goals in life. So I would have to, forsake that, but then I met with him. So it's just your detest for, I just think they're dangerous guys. You will live a probably more blessed life if you're not

on their rating. I have nothing to do with that. That's just how I feel. But I met with him and I told him my reservation and he was like, well, it's not about you finding what makes him think he is human. I think is a very smart way. It's not about whether or not you think he is. It's about whether or not

he thinks. Exactly. You're smart. Well, it's a very age old. You can't be judgmental of a character you're playing. You can't be. Or you can be and it'll be a pretty cartoonish. Well, then it would just be like Mad TV where I'm like, I'm like, oh, God, I'm like, so woke. Like, what do we do? But this is like a real movie and it takes place not necessarily in this moment

where everyone is at their max levels. It's encasing many, many years and all kinds of things. And it was a great script and just great actors. Do you know, have you seen a Nora? You guys saw it. Oh, yeah. That guy, Euro, like, like, the ball guy. Yeah, he's incredible. He's like the main guy in it. He is like the

monster. Fuck. It's such a great actor. Oh my gosh. Sweetest, most unassuming guy. But when you're acting, you got those big Russian eyes in your face. You're like, okay, all right, what we're doing? How do you start trying to be him? Watching YouTube. Did you read the Walter Isaacson book?

I read some of it. The book doesn't help as much as watching. It's just like injecting poison into my brain and watching everything I could find. Especially from that period. So it was just a lot of watching stuff. Do you start, though, doing the accent for your wife first? Well, it's such a sexy accent. It's so hot.

Maybe a little bit here and there. The good news is we had a whole week of rehearsal. Which you don't get a lot anymore. And we went to Italy and he had us at his incredible villa. Like an hour and a half outside of Turin where he cooks for you. Oh, my God. It's so crazy. We got to really work on it.

And they were all nice. Andrew Garfield, loved the guy and Monica. And it was great. It was Cooper Hoffman. You got two Coopers in that film. Two Coopers. Yeah, you got two Coopers in that film. Who did the other Cooper?

I'd have to look it up. But this morning when I was looking at the castles, I was like, they got. Oh, duh. Yeah, duh. Duh. Duh. Fucking. Day.

They got fucking Cooper got. We got Cooper Huffman. We got Cooper Cod from the fucking Ryan Murphy show. Bafago. He played one of the fucking brothers who killed his parents and kissed his brother. Hey. How you going to forget fucking Cooper? Just a New York guy who loves Ryan Murphy.

Have you seen the new fucking show with Ashton Kush? You've seen beauty? Beauty. Fuck me. Fuck, you know he's great actors. That fucking Evan Peters. That guy, that guy is fucking great. The fucking effects on that show?

You know, Ryan Murphy, I don't know how this fucking guy sleeps. He's got fucking beauty. He's got the fucking JFK show. When does he fucking sleep? And he's also, he's very attentive to his husband and his fucking kids. He's all in. So great actors. It was fun.

Was it fun? So fun. Shot in Italy. What part of Italy were you in? We were up north in Torino. Is that where the Olympics were just at? Milan, yeah. They were like around that in Milan, Cortona, fucking Bologna.

Oh, yeah. Home of the Gugadi factory. Bologna is my opinion. Best food in Italy. Bologna. Because it's the whole Emilio Campania region. That's Parmesan. That's beef.

That's Barolo. That's the shit. I love there. Some nice bitelho Pachio. Pounding. Were you put? Well, yeah, because I had to work and play Elon.

I'm that body. So I was like pounding pasta and ngronies. Yum, fun. It was great, man. I loved it. What are your go-to meals that you make since you're a cook? I just want to know personally. The thing I make best are chicken cutlets.

Chicken cutlets. Like, I make a chicken cutlet that rivals any schnitzel, any South Jersey, Italian deli. It would kill you to invite me over for that? No. No. Okay. I mean, just like, whenever you're having it, you just text me, you want to try this. And I cruise over.

It wouldn't just be you. It would be Kristen and your kids. I prefer it was just me. I would like a break. My family would prefer it. It would be best for my family if your whole family came. It would be strange if you came. But that's something that I really love.

I'm obsessed with potatoes. I really like went crazy. I think starting during COVID, I was like, I'm going to become a potato master. Really? It's a great, great. foundation for everything, right? Every shape they come in is great. You know what I love.

You've got to get big rusted potatoes. Those are the best now. And you cut them into like thick fries, but then you roast them in a ton of olive oil and a little bit of like beef fat. Oh. Those things are like, yeah, I'm going to make that tomorrow night. Okay, okay.

Again, you have my number. I'll swing by. Swing by. I bring my family. I don't, we'll see. We'll see. Let's just let's just let's get the table. I'm setting it for nine.

I also love going on Instagram and just seeing. what home cooks are doing now. There's this guy named like Giovanni Syracusa. I'm all about now like, what can I do for exactly 45 minutes from like my first chop to my plate down? And he does a lot of very family friendly, fast, fast, but yummy, healthy. I try to cook as healthy as I can at home. That beef tallow. The beef tallow is, you know, I only put a little bit in.

Man, every fucking dumb-ass thing now people are like, seed oils. CET oil, you take a CED oil, you're fucking dead instantly. Beef tallow. Oh. Beef tallow. And it's like, listen. It's become political. It's become political.

And I like beef tallow. Like when I'm making steak and potatoes, I use a little beef tallow. I just saw an ad where they're like, now our chicken tenders, fried and beef tallow. I'm like, no. I know. I don't want my chicken to taste like beef. Yeah. Just fucking use peanut oil.

I don't get it. It's like a political thing now. It's just dopey. I don't get it. I don't get it. Yeah. What if I took off my hat and I just completely bald. Because you're not heavy.

You're being tallow. Still on PRP up there? Oh yeah. Not too long to go. Okay. Pop, pop. You got on the gas. It looks great.

It looks great. It looks great. It looks great. I should try that. I'm doing a topical in the morning and at night and my hair is so greasy and gross. It's so gross. Do you have like the fucking yellow patch on your bed? Because I put the drops in at night.

And then one day my wife was like looking at our bed. She goes, oh. Yeah. And it's just like a discoloration exactly where I play word all where my head. And it's like so clearly my shit. Your finesteroide and your monocidal. It's like a coming to America, soul glow, when they all stand up and they have. They're just so close.

I still get my work done a little bit on that. Okay, now we're here to talk about funny you ask. Funny you ask. Do you guys know what a podcast is? Do you have ever heard of this? We are familiar with the format. I thought it was a good time to get him. Yes.

It is an ideal time. Many years after we asked you to get him, by the way. You came to my house and we're like, You need to do this. I just didn't have the thing. I didn't know what it. You know on a forcing. I have no resentment.

I have no bitterness whatsoever. Nothing but rooting for you. If you win the Golden Globe, we will be upset. He will. That will be, yeah. That's going to be tough. How did the idea hit you this time? You're in the shower.

I'm in the shower. I'm cleaning my butt. Sure. Getting that finger up there. I have a mirror at the ceiling of my bath. I lay on my back and kind of hoist my legs up so I can watch myself cleaning. Yeah, yeah. It's about a half hour.

Yeah. And then the next day I thought of the idea. Right. Yeah. No, I was talking to this guy. We had a mutual friend and we were just kind of chatting over lunch. And I, as you know, I love trivia. I love my Jeopardy, my millionaire.

I love all that stuff. And I was just like, I love when I find out someone knows something about something. Like when you find out someone is randomly like, oh, yeah, no, I'm a fan of that. And I can kind of answer questions about it. I was like, oh, what if I could just talk to my funny friends, ask them questions? and then RIF entered to RIF zone. Yeah. And so we kind of just did it.

I have so much intellectual vanity that it immediately gave me anxiety because you invited me on. And not only did I say, yes, I've even reached out to you, like, when are we recording? That's not typical of a guest. No, no.

I'm pursuing your show. You are, which I really appreciate. I want to tell everyone to assuage you, no one is going to walk out where they're like, I didn't get anything right. I'm a moron. I have to commit Sepaku. I need a second to administer the death blow.

That is not going to happen. I write my guest questions myself. And I make sure that I'm not going to like make anyone feel dumb. But here's why I'm talking about the intellectual vanity and anxiety struck me is you're going to cement it logically in whatever my presumed expertise is, right? Like minimally probably what I majored in in college. But if we make it about anthra when I fuck it up, this is something else. But if you ask me about biology or neuroscience and I shock you because that's not supposed to be. Do you know what I'm saying here?

I shine better when I like, oh, I wouldn't have thought he knew anything about that. But now we're talking about the thing I'm supposed to know something about. True. That's where it gets tricky for me. Yeah. When I fear. Again, my goal of it is to like make it to the first round of questions. You should know them.

They're softballs. I want to say softballs. But if you know something about it, you'll probably know it. Hardball about 40 mile hour pitch. Anephas pitch. It's very high, but it can be difficult to hit. But then as it gets on, especially as we get to the later speed rounds and stuff, there'll be some ones in there that it's going to stretch your brain a little bit.

Oh, my goodness. So there's going to be points? Is it like a score? The scoring system, it's completely arbitrary and I make it up every time. Oh, funny. I'll give you a bonus point if you answer the question in a funny way. So there's no scoring, there's no winning, there's no losing. But you will rank the guests at the end of the year, who is the smartest?

That's the Kalshi betting market. I have nothing to do this. Wow. Okay. That is a joke, by the way. I am not affiliated with Kalsh. I'm affiliated with Kashi. Kashi.

The granola. The muclitz. Not the other one. So you've done, you've had. Who have I had? I've had Kimmel. I've had Kate Hudson. I've had Tiffany Haddish, Dave Franco, and Mindy Kaling.

Oh, Mindy's category. Was it television? Mindy's categories were fashion. Fashion, great. Love it. 80s, Boston Celtics. Oh. Nice.

And Indian food. Yeah, because her father was a huge Celtics fan. She, like, grew up going to Celtics games and Indian food, which I'm a big Indian food guy, so I had a lot of fun writing those. The most fun for me is writing the question. I'm living my fantasy of being a Jeopardy writer. The guests ask me questions, but 0% do I see those. Those are written by my producer, Annabelle.

Okay. She keeps them separate from everyone, so I am 100% surprised. Fully compartmentalized. Yes, honor system. I bet you're experiencing the same joy I have, which is our Wednesday guests are always. experts on some generally academic topic that I have to brush up on in anticipation of their arrival. And so I love that part. Yeah, especially if I have a guest who has an interest, like Dave Franco, one of his was movies from the year 1999. Oh, which 1999, a lot of people

think, was like the best year of movies. Really? What do we have? We're making a point lately that the Academy Awards is less and less relevant because there's 50 movies. Only one of them would have made the top 10 in 99 if that there we're getting glasses on yeah I read you a quick little list here we go cute glasses too thank you all right you ready for this magnolia eyes wide shut the matrix oh the six cents oh office space oh being john malcovich oh my god the green mile fight club oh uh hold on i'm trying to think of some other ones uh american beauty was on there oh Wow. Yeah, what a year.

I think what else. It's crazy. This is my point. There are more movies that are going to stand the test of time in that list than there have been in the last eight years. It's also maybe more important movies. It's a volume thing. It's a volume. I'm not critical of any single person, but it's a total volume game.

Yeah, totally. But anyways, for that one, I was so excited because I got to just watch. Franco is that, like, what age was he at? Why is that the year for him? He was just a young guy and he worked in a video store and like the band. area. He knows them all. All of his friends were like watching American Pie and he's like, you need to see Bing John Malkovich. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I have no expertise. No, you can do cheerleading. You could do the Olympics. You could do fashion. Oh, 96 Olympics gymnastics only.

That is Atlanta. That's Atlanta. That's Atlanta. That's in Atlanta at the time. Well, I was actually in Tennessee at the time. Did you see Richard Jewell while you were there? Do you know who Richard Jewel is? Richard Jewel, you know who Richard Jule? The bomber? Well, the man who was accused of of being the bomber who was not the bomber. Centennial Carr. They actually made a movie about it a few years ago that Clint directed. Okay.

That is low-key, pretty great. Okay. You know Paul Walter Hauser? Yes. He plays Richard Jewell. He's so good in it, dude. He's great in everything. His lawyer is Rockwell.

Oh. I mean, there's always going to be some weird shit and you switch stuff. But his performance, the Fed's done him dirty, man. He was just a nerdy guy. and they were like sketchy guy looks like he'd be a bomber

he might be a bomber like ham is the FBI agent and he's like this guy might be a bummer based on the fact that he's it looks like a dude in high school I didn't trust yeah exactly he looks like a guy I bullied in high school I used to push a lot

fun movie what was Kimmel's expertise Kimmel was pizza pie oh yes 80s music did you hit him with any Huey Lewis trivia. I know he's such a Huey fan that I withheld. He might be the number one Huey list fan. There's

not a Huey question you could ask him. He would outdo Huey in a 100%,000%. You'd say I just accidentally came over and said, you go 100% go 1,000% I was like, that's a girl who's just impulsively. It's like my instinct. Yeah, what you said times 10. To the 10th, whatever he did the 10th. He loves Marvel Comics. He was like a big Marvel Comics

nerd. Kate, I must know. Kate was female singer-songwriters. Well, that's very on brand. Very on brand. Cocktails. Oh, nice. She loves a good cocktail. I love that. And then her other one was, oh, she was 90s movies, but kind of more the whole decade. I threw in a couple Kurt Russell questions for her. Did she get them? Oh, yeah. Cute. And what are yours going to be? Can I even remember what I told you. I'm presuming anthropology. One was motorcycles. One was motorcycles. And then the third one, I think

I would prefer cars over motorcycles. I think it was cars slash motorcycles. Okay. Anthropologies or evolution. Tractors. It's not going to be trash. It's not right. I don't want to fucking read about tractors for now. I know. Well, Lamborghini made tractors. I have a boner for some of these 60s Lamborghini tractors.

They started as a tractor company. They did? Yes, but the Lambo style is in a tractor. It's so cool and there's train track ones. The good thing about it is you love that carmaker, but you have all those crops out there that have not been cut. Exactly. So two birds, one stone. Yes, yes.

One expensive stone that you have to transfer here from another country. I think the story, no, that might be Dukon. This is actually interesting. So you have to pick categories that also are going to be interesting to an audience. A little bit, and that will also inspire a little riff. We lost people on the Lamborghini tractor history. This is actually pretty good rift, so we should save it, maybe. The government did come to, I think, Lamborghini was like, we need you to make vehicles.

We need a tractor, but the sexy. Yeah, and the kind of you can put a four wheels on. And that is an automobile. Yeah, but you still can smoke a cigarette on the job. That's fine. I have it goes. I turned it off. I've turned it off.

You've turned out. You're just like in another fucking place right now. You're thinking about someone doing a floor routine in 1996. That's right. Dominic Motiano. That's right. Sure, sure. And then it's obviously leading.

It's a jump off point. It's a jump off point just so we can have fun. It's just fun to ask you. I brought questions. Is that a pack of cigarettes or? He brought a couple of trivial pursuit questions. Oh, my God. Yeah, okay.

Read. Yeah. I have not read these. I have been to be zero points. Oh, wait, wait, oh, we're going to do to each other. Oh, I don't. I don't know. I don't know.

Okay, so how do we play this game? I'll just go around and we'll ask questions. And you have to go in order top to bottom? Sure. Or whatever you like. Let's go top to bottom. So I don't want any like cherry picking. What nation's Pantanol wetland is home to 270 bird species?

Okay, I have a guess. Argentina. Close. Braville. That's where we're going to come to brother. All right, ask me one. Okay. What Worthy Texas City opened the National Cowgirl Museum and Hall of Fame in

2002. Dallas. Dallas or Fort Worth because of Worthy. I bet it's going to be that. Let's see. Fort Worth. All right. We had a little clue in there.

That was tough. Monica, ask us one. I don't want to go top of bottom. I want to find a good one. Yeah, find a good one. Yeah,

we got to find a good one. I don't trust you. Oh, AE is one of me. What do you mean? You don't trust me. I don't. Okay.

A.E. Is one of the. Okay. That's arts and entertainment. Okay, great. You guys are going to get this. This is my weakest one. What director claimed blondes make the best

victims because, quote, they're like virgin snow that shows up the bloody footprint. Three, two, one, Hitchcock. Good job. Which future Charlie's angel provided the singing voice of melody for TV's Josie and the Pussy Cats. Oh. This is one where it's like, I'm out. Yeah.

I mean, I don't know the names of all the angels. Fairfoss is one. She was one, but she didn't sing. Jacqueline Smith was one. Okay. Kate Jackson. And the answer to this one, I believe, is Cheryl Ladd. God.

Okay, never. Never. I never like Arts and Nards Daneh. Go ahead. Ask one. Okay, next one. I'm going to skip arts. No, I'll do Arts in terms.

I'm going in order despite. What beloved actor did columnist David Anson eulogize in 2001 as the Paganini of Panic? Paganini of Panic. Paganini of Panic. Which beloved actor died in 2001? Oh, of Panic? Who was like an actor who was? constantly panicked. Who died in 2001? Who died in 2001? It was like always scared. Was it Farrah Fawcett?

For some reason, I feel like it's a male actor. Yeah. It's a big male actor. Marlon Brando. Jack Lemmon. That's right. I should have known that one. Jack Lemon died in 2001. He did not see 2002. I'm going to go. Oh. History or science or something, you know. Okay. What's S.N. Science and nature. What button is disabled in almost all elevators according to global elevator technologies? I know some things don't have a 13th floor, but I don't think that's it. Button is disabled. In almost all elevators.

I'm going to say this stop. Okay. I'm going to say the door open button. I think it's door closed. Hey, good job, Rob. Was it door closed? Yeah. So when I see someone walking and I'm hitting the door closed button, it does nothing.

I feel like it works for me. Shit. I feel like it works for me too. But also, I would have thought doors open because if you're like mid-transit, you're dropping floors and you're trying to hit the door open. It must be disabled so you can't open the doors while it's in motion. Oh. Or ever. You shouldn't be able to prematurely have it open the doors.

It should be in charge when the doors open. I agree with that one. Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare. What Londoner ticked off her fellow designers in 2000 by narrating an anti-fur video? Oh, I should maybe know this. An anti-fur video. What Londoner? Her fellow designers.

Diane von Furstenberg? She's not a Londoner. And it wouldn't be Victoria. I'll give you a hint. Her father is not from London. Okay. Dona Verichello, whatever, her name is Donham. He's Italian.

Versace. Her father sometimes talked like this. Well, but I thought you just said her dad was. He's not from London. Okay. The dad is not from London. But she... He's from a different British city.

Maybe Liverpool. He's a beetle. Oh, Stella McCartney. There you go. Oh. Good job. Good job. Her dad wasn't from London, dude.

Her father once got up, got out of bed, and ran a comb across his head. Okay. What American at Oxford was Britain's fifth most eligible woman in 2001, according to To the Tatler Magazine. So one American at Oxford in 2001? It was Britain's fifth most eligible woman in 2001. Oh, I have an idea. Is it an actress?

I don't know. But the gal that was in the Pirates movies. Kira Knightley? Yeah. Kevin Knightley, but she's not American. She's not American. Oh, no, she's certainly not American. What famous actress went to college at Oxford?

I'm going to guess Natalie Portman. No, she didn't go to Oxford. She went to heaven. My name's Fackin' Adelaie Portman. I'm going to look at the... Fucking snowed everywhere. Okay. Can you give a hint?

Give a hint. Yes. I don't think it's an actor. Her father is... Oh, God. And Selma Cartney. The clue I would give would be just so telling. I'm going to reread the question, okay?

Okay. What American at Oxford was Britain's Fifth Mosul. That would be my daughter, Chelsea Clinton. That's my daughter. Hands off. What? What? What job?

Chelsea, I'd love to come visit you and your cover. as in Oxford. Is that possible? I don't want to miss a graduation. We're good. We're straight. Are you sure? Okay. They're testifying, I think, very soon. Right now.

Right now, right? Yeah. Should we go live to it? Rob, go live. I did not have sexual relations on Epstein's Island. All right. You guys like history. I love it.

It's his go-to. What Admiral was the first person to fly over both the North and South Poles? Wow. I have a hint. if you need it. I want to say Admondson, but I don't know if he was flying. I think he might have been pre-flight

because they said fly over. This would be probably in the 20s. Yeah, probably in the 20s. Admiral Akbar from Star Wars. I'm going to go with Akbar, too. It's not any of the discoverer. It's not Perry or Admondson or Fitzgerald. Shackleford was another one.

Was he, maybe Everest, Shackleford? It's not the Edmunds, Fitzgerald. It's not the recognition of Fitzgerald. His last name is very apropos flying over the north and south. Polar. Maybe polar. Snow. John Snow.

John Snow. It's John Snow. It's John Snow. No, it's Richard Bird. Richard Bird. That doesn't even ring about it. I never heard of that. I actually think that's a fake name.

What rodents meet do three out of four Peruvians munch? I'm believing it cures arthritis. Easy. You're right? Do three, two, one. Oh, no, I was just giving you time to... Oh, I thought you wanted to guess. I didn't want to be a dick and just blurt it.

The copy barra? No. What? A fucking guinea pig. Oh, ew. Okay. Hey, I'm obsessed with copybara. They're the grandest.

My friend went to a copy bar a sanctuary where they like walk up to you and kind of sit next you and get in your face. They're adorable. I'm not a big rodent guy. Yeah, sure. Copy bars. I didn't even know they call that. I think it's a meiko.

They're the world's largest rodent. They don't look like a little. They look like a little. Shetland. Yeah. It's like a Star Wars toy. Yeah. Like an Ewok.

Okay, here we go. How many blowholes does a baleen whale boast? I'm going to say zero. I'm going to say two. It's two. I'm guessing. I'm not a blowhole guy. I have my blowhole removed last year.

I don't even like, I'm going to look to think about it. Blow hard. What do you got, Monica? Okay. I really want to do a hard one. I have two more questions after this. I might. What South African Corporation sells?

two-thirds of the world's diamonds. Oh, we know this. One, two, one. De Beers. Good job, yes. De bears. You got it. Where'd you get your wife's ring?

The bears. What about? What NBA superstar maintains anonymity by registering at hotels as Vladimir Mondingo? This one I don't know. I'm looking. Oh, I mean. I think here's a time to go with your number one prancer in the NBA. Which is who?

Shekelonio. Oh, that's a good guess. Yes, it is, that's a good. I would have said, like, you know, he's so... Durant or something, because he's such a... Vladdi Viva. Vlai, yeah, he takes you to Russians. Shack, very impressive.

What was it? Mandingo. Yeah, he's always got a dick joke going. He had to be a subway sandwich in his shorts one time. Oh, I'm impressed. Yeah, okay. That was good. What product did Singapore?

to let residents use as long as they had a prescription in order to secure a U.S. free trade agreement. I think I know what this is. I think I do too. I'm gonna say chewing gum. I haven't looked, but. How do you guys know this stuff? Because there was a guy in the 90s, a kid who was in Singapore.

People will say it's the cleanest place in the world. It's like Disneyland. Yeah. The flip side of that is this American dude, I think just took a piece of gum and threw it on the ground or put it on a wall. They caned him. and took a bamboo stick and whipped his ass like 10 times, I feel like.

That was in the 90s. Big news story. Oh, wow. And I went with my mother to Singapore in probably 98, and we specifically brought gum and chewed it. That's why I knew it. We decided to just be outlaws by chewing gum. Smart.

Go into a foreign country where they have draconian laws. Let's break a few rules. That's our spirit. Chewing gum. Yep. You got it. Wow. Yeah, really good.

Give us one. Okay. Let's do this last one. I'd love that you carry these. Bree and I used to, my ex-girlfriend. We go to a restaurant and just have the stack of them in her purse. I love it. What veteran ABC announcer next NBC's invitation to work the Sydney Olympics

claiming Australia is too damn far away? ABC, the only guy that I remember from ABC were Peter Jennings or Sam Donaldson. That feels like a Donaldson. It feels like a Donaldson. Because he was a little more salty and kind of like, all right, I'm going to say dants. He was cantankerous. I'll say Donaldson.

Final answer. Jim McKay. Oh, Jim McKay. Oh, Jimmy Jam. My last one. Jimmy Jammer. What fruit was legally ruled to be a vegetable by the U.S. Supreme Court in 1893 tariff dispute? I know what this is.

I hate. Oh, no, I did it. Yeah, because did you think tomato? Because it's the opposite. I think tomato. No, that's the opposite. It's a fruit. Tomato.

It's not tomato. This is my final answer. No, it's a fruit. Right. That's the point. It was ruled as a vegetable for a trade agreement. but really it's a fruit. That's the point of...

My problem is I read too fast because I was like, it's bananas. Cuba, bananas, the tropics, Hawaii. That's bananas. But then I feel like we would have heard that it got switched. What they're saying is they're giving you the origin story of why there's confusion

about whether it's a vegetable or a fruit. It's clearly a fruit. It has seeds, but it needed to get ruled as a vegetable to qualify for a trade agreement. There was a sub-ruling, though, that anyone who... Section 8.3. When someone says,

oh, my favorite vegetables is a tomato. and someone goes, it's actually a fruit, you're legally allowed to slap that person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is per U.S. code. Yeah, yeah. Not my ruling. That's the only great outgrowth of that trade agreement is that it is now legal to slap people. To slap someone if they correct you as to what is a thing obvious that everyone knows.

If they tell you that the Phil Collins song in the air tonight is about a guy who watched another guy, drown, smacked the shit out of them. Right there. What other things are? There's a few things that fall under this ruling. You know, I would say the girl from Poltergeist is dead. you know, she died. Like that's one where it's like, yeah, I fucking know.

Yeah, stop it. Get out of here. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, that was really fun. That was. I like asking questions and I like answering questions and I was like, what if we put this together with people I like and it was funny?

I know it's really a gross part of my behavior, but I love answering questions. I love it. I do. I do. It's like shameful. Nothing gives me more joy. Oh, God, I love it so much. What's wrong?

Well, we know. We talked about it last time. Yeah, but it's just like we spent our lives, people have spent their lives reading weird shit and wondering, when is it ever going to pay off my life that I could name the Pope who started the great schism? When am I ever going to be in a position where I'm going to be asked that? And now you might. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. It's R.O.I, which we talked about last time, too. It's final return on investment. You've put some time into this for no reason, and now we finally this is a financial podcast, by the way. This is your return of investment. Our next guest is the guy,

Jim, was his name? Jim Kramer? Jim Kramer. Yeah, he's following you. Saw him outside, just running your sprints back and scoring. All right, I love you. You guys are the greatest. Thanks for number four. I know we'll see on number five. When are we recording, I guess is my question. I think I have two days off from the studio and we're kind of locking it in there.

You're going to be with a great company. We got you. We got Russell Brand. Oh, geez, I'm going to take a rainy. Who else is on there? BTK Killer. Okay. Uh-huh.

Uh-huh. And, oh, Henry Kissinger's ghost. Okay. So I think you're going to be with like people that you're going to be like, this is kind of fun and splashes. And Casey Anthony. Great. This song is.

That's kind of great. We have our first trunch. Sure. And then we have. And then we have me and the gang. You and the gang. You and the gang. Do the sponsors know about the lineup for?

No. We tell them afterwards. Okay. I look forward to seeing you on Saturday. I'm wearing a full diaper. Oh, yeah. That's right. Sunday.

Sunday. He wishes it was Saturday. And the actor. goes to I mean. Here at backstage. I run out crying on stage. No.

He's got to the paper. I'm sorry. It's for my help. Get our kids out of here. The kids need you. I interrupt the thing because I can't handle the kids. Benicio's filming him. I've shit myself and the kids need something.

You have to come off stage. You've got to look at this video I got of Vak Shepherd shitting himself on stage. He'll shoot you. He shit you for real. He shit you for real. All right. Love you. Love you, baby.

He is an armchair expert, but he makes mistakes all the time. They got Monica's here. She's got to let him have the facts. Hi, 10-year-old. Why? Because I'm wearing shorts. And your hair is back in a braid pony. Yeah, because I have to wash my hair. It's a thousand degrees out.

So. It feels like bawly outside. Have you been to bowling? No. Okay. I haven't. Actually, that reminds you, I was playing a fun game yesterday. Bajan?

No, that's tonight. I was playing a fun game where you say the name of a country. Uh-huh. Like, I would say Japan. Okay. And then you in your head think of from a scale of 1 to 10 how badly you want to go there. Okay, great. And then I guess your number.

Okay, Japan. Okay. For me? Okay, I have my number. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

you, I guess. I guess nine. Yes, nine. I really want to go. Guess for me? Um, oh, oh, oh, nine. Ten. Ten. But if that just. I'm dying to go. I'm dying to go. And all my like idols, all my mentors in my life, they don't just go like, oh, I like it. They're like you, you have to, for some reason they think I have to that I'm going to really respond to what's happening. Let me tell you something. Yeah. I know this isn't fair. I do this to people. I tell them that their answers are wrong. Okay. I think your answer is wrong. Because you don't like fish or sushi. I do like some sushi. You don't like real McGiri. I like yellow tail and salmon on rice. I used to get that from sugar fish. Sugarfish all the time.

Okay. So I got a one bad order and I'll cannot go back. Now you're not. So like. But also they do a ton of great steak. They do wago. Yeah. I just,

I think food wise, it's not going to be your 100, your 10. Yes. That's not why people. So I brought it down to nine. Okay. Okay.

Um, the reason people want me to go there is that everything is executed perfectly. I know. I'm so excited to go. Like Tom Hansen's like when the man is sweeping the cobblestone, it's like he's building a Swiss watch. Like everything. Everything is done meticulously.

I love that. And I would love to witness that. I also think you're going to feel a little crowded on the trains and stuff. I think you're going to feel a tiny bit claustrophobic and tall. Slash grateful because I'll be so much bigger than everyone. Okay. I'll feel like Godzilla. I still think you're a nine.

Okay. I'm basing it on like what is my, like, first of all, it's a hurdle to get there. You're losing a day, right? So if I got to pick my very next place I went to, it's my pick. Yeah, me too. Like I'm going to Budapest, which is high on the list, but it's more convenient to what's already happening. But really, the thing I most want to go to is Japan. Yeah.

That's why I got to set it at 10. I understand. Yeah. That makes sense what you did. What's your one that you, like right now you can teleport anywhere. What is it? Okay. Now see, this is hard.

Okay. Because do I want to go somewhere new? Yeah. My teleportation? Yeah. It's got to be new. Oh, it does. For this game.

Okay. Then Japan, yes. That's your also top next. Yeah. The problem is some of my tens are places I've been. Sure, sure. Yeah. Like Paris is a 10.

Africa to me would be like going back to Africa would be a 10. So where do you think Africa is, well, Africa is a continent. But specifically the Grimetti Reserve and Tanzania is where I would want to go. Or I really, really want to go to Mozambique. I want to go to the Aquasambique. I want to go to the Aquanga Delta. Okay. Okay, in Mozambique, which is the jewel of Africa, they say.

It's all water. You're like on both seeing elephants and stuff. And where do you think that is on my list? 6.57. Six. Okay. Yeah, actually 6.5. I just don't do 0.5s.

But yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. I'm very knowable. I'm putting it a little higher than New York because I actually know how luxurious it could be. And you don't know that. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure I would absolutely love it. Yeah.

I know I would. But as we discussed recently, it is a character defect. I'm working. I'm trying to work on it. Okay. I don't have enough appreciation for nature. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

And I recognize that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I wish I had more. Boy, if any place would break through, it would be Africa. Yeah, I bet. Yeah. I mean, as I said, you can tell it's the cauldron of life. Right, exactly.

It's palpable. Yeah. But I think. I think I'm going to teleport to... New York or Paris? Yeah. Or Italy or London. I am this summer going to try to go to London and Paris.

Okay. So that's nowhere new. Right. Not in the mood for new this year. Will you be traveling alone there or will you be... No, friends. Okay, what friends are... Anna.

She wants to go to Europe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And we went to London together when we all went to... when we all went to London. Yes. And we had just the best time and we talk about it all the time, how we need to go back. Yeah. So I think we're going to go back.

It's great. Italy is so obviously, I think it's the best personally, but it is unrelentingly hot in the summer. Yeah. And then there's so many tourists. I feel so bad for the Italians. That's a mix of I feel so bad for them. And also it's such a huge chunk of their economy that, of course, I don't feel bad for him. But I just, like if you lived in Rome, in 90% of the Italians, that's a mix of them,

the people you saw day to day didn't live, weren't your neighbors didn't live there? That must get taxing. Probably like if you live in on sunset. I don't know if it's that bad. I think when you're walking through Rome, you're seeing in the summer. If you live on Hollywood Boulevard. Yeah, if you live on Hollywood Boulevard. Yeah, that's what I meant.

That's what I meant. Or if you live in Times Square, that's tough. If you live right in Times Square, yeah, it could be challenging to you. Didn't, um, didn't Alexander Scarsguard lived, live in? Kind of right in the middle of Times Square. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like when I stayed, when they put me for baby mama initially at a hotel above a fire station and the police station across from Grand Central Station. Oh, out.

And I was like, they hate me. We were just, this just came up in my Tuesday meeting just status. And I think especially when you're on sets and people are ranked and like battling. Literally ranked on the call sheet. Yeah. It's like one and you're your number 60. And you get allocated resources. Based on that.

Commensurate with that number. Yes. Yes, you do. Yeah. So I'm at the shit box above the, you know, fire department. Yeah. And where was like Amy who's probably number, Amy and Tina were number one and two? Tina and Amy live there.

Oh, yeah. So I'm trying to think who I would have had to go to next. Ultimately, they got me out of there and I went to the maritime, which was great. Yeah. And there's ghosts there. There was ghosts there. Yeah. And you're right. In the meat packing, there's great food. It was lovely. Anywho, that was just the topic on Tuesday. And a friend of mine who is about to go on a press tour was like,

I just want to make sure I behave and don't get caught up and like, am I in that picture or am I not? Did they ask me go to this interview or not? It's hard. And he reached out to a fellow person and I can't believe this brilliant advice. They're like, well, there's someone else in the cast that's younger and probably needs help. It hasn't been here before. That can be your job. Focus on that person. Yeah, that's lovely. And he did.

And he goes, I've never felt better ever. I never considered one of the things I did or didn't get. And the parents of this person thought I was so nice. And I told them, I'm not, I was just being selfish. I wanted to make sure I didn't act like a brat. And it was a joy to do it. And I'm actually grateful to you. Yeah.

That's great. Yeah. I was like, what great advice? What was this event you were at just now? I wasn't at an event. I thought you were busy today. Oh, I was, I was record. I was, I had a meeting and a recording.

What was it recording? I ended up not doing it. I ended up having to reschedule it. But it was for, we're, we're testing out a season two of Beth's dead. Oh, okay. We have a potential story. And so we want to record us at the very beginning talking about potential to do it. Exactly.

Exactly. What's, well, you can't tell. You'll tell me privately. Yeah, I can't talk about it. But someone contacted you, I presume, with this story. Actually, so it's funny because we, you know, we've been kind of keeping our ears open for interesting stories that are meaningful. That will do the same thing that this first one did. So we're not just, you know, and we're not like on a timeline or anything.

It's just if there's something good. We'll do it. Yeah. So Elizabeth came across a couple stories and she was telling me. And then she was like, it's kind of like this story that happened to Andy. And then I was like, wait, what? And then she tells that. And I was like, wait, why don't I know about?

this. What if you come to find out Elizabeth and Andy are the actual catfishers. They're catfishing me. They have all these stories. I know. I do think I was like, what? Yeah. Well, we know what happened. I have a suspicious amount of stories. You know, I often hear myself telling a story. And I'm like, if I was this person, I'd be like, nothing, you didn't get shot at. You know, like, there's no way this also happened. And that thing had also happened. I know. Well, to be fair, this one isn't, it didn't actually happen to Andy. That's not really a fair way of me framing it. He was involved. with people and this story happened to those people. Okay, okay.

So I was supposed to do that. And then why is too hot? Well, I have to cut why because I feel bad. Okay. I just, I'm getting a tree delivery. Okay. That's getting planted in your yard? It's indoor tree.

And it's very exciting. And there's three options and I really want to see them. And I really wanted it done by tonight because of Majong in Charlie's party tomorrow. Right. So today was the only day. It was supposed to happen at 1130. Guess what it's happening right now.

Oh. So it really, it did. I got karma. It was karma. It was karma. Yeah. Okay. I guess I'll leave it in because I'm honest.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So as you were walking out there, they were walking in virtually? I like, I mean, I didn't see them, but I assume they're there right now. She texted me. And it's hot. It's a hot topic.

Oh, no. It's physically hot out. It's physically hot out. Yeah, yeah. It's outrageous. Not only, like, we get these blasts. Every year we get these blasts of like three days of 90s and winter. We don't get, or we have two weeks of 90s.

Like I look today at the coming schedule for the next eight days out. It's still, it never gets below 85 for the next 10 days that are on the map. It does make me anxious that it's happening in March. Like what is going to happen in August and September? Remember if we're starting here. I don't know that there's any indig. I don't know that it works that way. I hope not.

Again, I tell you about the dinosaur show. I found that weirdly comforting. Well, you just said you're watching one. I didn't tell you about the geology of it. More interesting than learning about the dinosaurs is learning about the history of the planet. This place is an absolute mess. So, right, it started as one continent, Pangio. When that broke apart, it blacked out the sky.

It was like 100 degrees cooler. Then there were these periods of, like, insane. like insane methane and carbon dioxide. It was in the hundreds. Everything died. Then it cooled off because of this and then it came back. Like, I believe in global warming. Yeah.

But we are talking about us moving up like two to four degrees Celsius. And it's just interesting watching show that the Earth has gone through cycles of hundreds of degrees Celsius. Oh, yeah. He couldn't sustain human life. No, but for the Earth's record, this isn't a skinny. Like, that's an interesting way to see it. I know. But we've also changed the way.

they, our own requirements from the Earth. We demand so much more. Yeah, and so did the explosion of trees. Like, there was not trees. This was an interesting, absolutely hard to believe. Fact, you know, sharks have been here longer than trees. Wow. Really?

Like what? The trees are like the greenifying of the planet and they're being oxygen here is so new in its five billion year history. Ding, ding. So there's no trees. And then there's too many trees. And then everything died. then it came back. And there were all these crazy volcanoes that were just spewing forever. And then it was dark out. And it's like, wow, this, this thing has seen it all. It's been through it. Ding, ding, ding trees. There's a tree in my coming to my house. Oh, yeah. That is a ding, ding, ding. So that's cool. Stay tuned for more armchair expert. If you dare. The stakes of the tree coming into my house are high because it's not a small. It's a large tree.

Where does it live? In the living room. I'm so excited. It's going to look so pretty. And it'll get enough light and who will water it. So stop. That's the part I'm having anxiety. Yeah.

Well, you have an automatic irrigation system? No, I'll water it. I'm good at watering. That'll be no problem. I'm good at doing it. I just don't know if I do it right because things still die. Yeah, you can chat it. Chat, G, G.

I can. It'll probably tell you how many ounces of water to put in at what schedule. Probably a smart device you can get to that like measures the. soil moisture. I bet you can automate the whole thing and fill up a tank once in a while. That would be good. And put nitrogen pellets in there. It'll probably just keep it perfect.

Okay. I want to do that because it's an important tree. And if it dies... You don't even know what tree it is yet, but it is... I know it's important. You know it's a very important tree. Yeah. And if it dies under my watch...

And you just have tons of soil in your... You obviously have tons of soil. It's going to be in a pot. Uh-huh. This is an interesting idea, right? They have like a ton of soil in your living room. Well, it's in a pot. Like that.

Yeah. Like that. That doesn't have soil because that's a fake tree. Well, let's pretend it was real. Yeah. If there's a big, big pot of dirt over there, I bet we would smell it. It'd be fine. No, it has moss on top.

It's fine. I have plants. Yeah, you're not a big plant guy. Just like I'm not a big, I'm not really interested in nature. Yeah, yeah. You're not really interested in plants. It's kind of like dogs. Like, there's a lot of stuff that's outside.

I don't need to bring it inside. It's fine with me that's outside. And then I can go visit it outside. But I like, like, like. You know. Yeah. Have you ever played Rummy Cube? Nothing is going on.

I'm shook by the sim. Oh, wow. Because the next thing that was about to come out of my mouth was sort of like Rummy Cube. Majan? Yeah, but yeah. Yeah, there's tiles. Have you ever played Rummy Cube? Yes, I have.

It's so fun. I like it. Lincoln and I had the most, I mean, she's becoming my Aaron Weekly. As she gets older. Don't say that. You already have an Aaron Weeker. She's becoming your Lincoln. He should be nervous.

You guys have your own relationship. But I mean in that, the way Aaron and I could in seventh grade get on to something, that would last for hours. And no one else was enjoying it. Oh, wow. Okay. So she and I played Rummy Cube. And we started singing at some point. And we sang for like two hours together playing this game.

And it was as fun as someone can have. And that came on the heels of watching the second episode of DTF. Oh, my God. What a show. one, yeah, I'm two in. Yeah, what a show. As you might expect, I've left all these guys' messages. Of course you have.

Saying. Yes, you're mad. No, saying, well, I see that you guys are having a lot of fun talking about pronies. Everyone's having a good laugh at the idea of someone having peronies. It does feel like a personal attack. I will say. Yeah, I mean, they're having a good time with pronies. as they should.

It's such a stupid condition. I just think it's also crazy that I can leave a message that I have had Peronis and I'm on the other side of cronies. I know. Thank God. You're on the other side. And I said to them, I know you guys think it's a real hoot, but you should know that I was told that it'll either heal by itself in a year

or you'll have to have a C-section, a C-section that is 50% successful. And the other half of the time, you will never use your penis again. So I hope you guys know that that's what I had to do with. And I know everyone's having a real good laugh. See, now you know what it's like. Now you know what it's like when someone's suffering from something. I know, but I used to call them. And then someone's making fun of it. They don't understand what it's like to live with this. I think it's a bad comp because it doesn't bother me at all. And ideally, we would want it to bother me so that I would understand how other people feel. Yeah. But it kind of confirms already my worldview, which is like, just get over it.

But if you didn't, if I had lost my penis. Exactly. You might have more sensitivity or like, well, you would have more visible sense. I have no sensitivity. And also some sense, exacerbated sensitivity. So, okay, it has no sensitivity. So you could like. I don't think it'll get erect.

But can you feel anything? I don't know. It didn't sound. It didn't sound good. Like when they say you can't use your, you're using. use it as a hammer instead? Yeah. You start using it.

Yeah. Use it as a real tool as it's meant to be. As a wedge. Yeah. I didn't, I didn't do enough follow-up questions. Because to be honest, when I heard that, I was like, we're not getting that procedure. I don't care what. I don't care if the penis ties itself into a bow.

We won't get a procedure that makes it not ever work. Oh, right. I see. Yeah. Like, however bad the Peronis could have gotten. I can't imagine rolling the dye. Flipping a coin like that. It's a lot.

It's a lot. You got to talk to your partner about that. Of course. Yeah. But they might feel like I want you to take the risk because I can't even like, I can't get this in. I thought you're going another direction, which is, I hope that is the outcome. Oh, sure. Well, I guess they have a built-in out, even if it's all twisted up, they could just like, I'm sorry, I can't.

I can't put a bow tie in there. Yeah, I won't go. And then you'd just be like, but I don't want you to change. So you'd just be you. And then you never have to have sex again. That's right. Yeah. It's the dream.

Every wife's dream. I think it's a lot of wives's dreams. Not all wives. It's not my wife's dream. I don't want to paint that picture. Yeah, we're not painting that picture. But it's some wives' dreams. Oh my God.

Let's see. What else? I keep thinking of movies to add to my list to show Lincoln. I'm so excited. Flooding with his abs. Of course. How could I have not shown her flirting with disaster? You showed me that movie. Yeah.

And I'm due for a rewatch. Yeah, I would rewatch that. Can I come over for that? I would love to rewatch that. Yes. And then Can't Buy Me Love comment or suggested. I was like, duh, it's my favorite team movie of all time. Flirting with Disaster, ding, ding, ding, Richard Jenkins is in DTS, St. Louis.

And he's so good in it. He's so prominent. He's very prominent. I think everyone needs to watch. T.F. SanL. Do you watch Wednesday? I've dropped off a Wednesday. But you would have, you've seen the first season. Yeah, I loved the first season. Yeah. So you know her kind of nemesis that's black. She's like a slither. And I don't know what they're called, but she's like a shapeshifter or whatever. She got like green eyes. She's the detective. That Jenkins is battling with. She's great. And you get to see her real

pupils for the first time, which is exciting. She's great. I have a question. What are your, what's your opinion on what's going on with Love Story, the show about? about JFK Jr. and Carolyn Bassette Kennedy. Do you know there's drama? No, it's the drama. I haven't watched it. The only thing I know about it is from you. Yeah, because I keep watching it. Even though I know that there are some problematic things. Well, Jack Schlossberg, who is. I'm going to tell you, he is Caroline Kennedy's son. In real life. Yes. Caroline Kennedy, who is JFK Jr.' sister. Okay. Son of JFK. Yeah. And daughter of JFK. Daughter of JFK.

Caroline is J.F.K.'s jotter. Jotter. Daughter. His brother was J.FK. Jr. Yeah. Her son. Okay. And, you know.

His grandson had he lived. Correct. JFK's grandson. What Caroline Kennedy has lived through is just so unbelievable. Like, you just are like, how can one person endure that much. That's... Brother, uncle, dad.

Daughter just died. Like recently? Yeah, in December of cancer. Oh, my God. Yeah, and she was like 33 or something, Tatiana. She's just endured the most, you know? And Jack is, that's his mom. Yeah.

And she's in the show. She's portrayed in the show. Uh-huh. Caroline is. And they all are. And, like, Jack is very openly against this show. He's like, this is awful. Yes, this is not a correct depiction of anyone.

And I totally understand that. And also so at the beginning of the show, JFK Jr. is dating Daryl Hannah as he did. And the depiction of Daryl Hannah is really not flattering. It's not. No. What things did they? They just make her look like very dumb and ditsy.

And like she's doing Coke and like she's just like a real like needy person. I've hung out with her once and I thought she was incredibly rad. Yeah. I had noticed someone had like a jacked up F-250 pickup truck at this small gathering. I was like, whose truck is that? It was hers. Oh, that's cool. And she goes, yeah, I need it because I put my snowmobile in it.

I'm like, you snowmobile? I'm like, this is so rad. Like you're a mermaid and you fucking have a jacked up 250 in snowmobile. I think she's like a tough, cool woman. Yes. So she wrote an article in op-ed that was basically like very, very, very well done and said, this is all incorrect. Not just the like overall depiction of her, but some factual things.

She was like, I've never done Coke. Whatever, all these things. So there's like some real criticism that I very much understand. and I'm like, why am I still watching? And I am. I'm in. Yeah. Yeah.

And so I guess I'm saying I'm sorry to Jack Schlaasberg and Daryl Hannah. And what I'm actually really saying is I can sometimes get on a high horse about people engaging in things that I think are wrong. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And celebrity gossip and like dumb stuff. Yeah. But we love the crown. Yeah.

That to me doesn't have the same stink on it. Like, that's such a beautifully done show. This is Ryan Murphy. I mean, it is classically Ryan Murphy. Uh-huh. So. It's salacious. Yeah.

It is. And yet, here I am participating. And I guess what I will say, the difference is, I'm watching it. I'm enjoying it. And I am very much aware. Like, this is all made up. Right, right, right. None of this is real or based on any real truths.

So I can enjoy it and know it. I'm not at risk of getting like swayed. Yes. I'm not going to start thinking about Daryl Hannah a specific way or any of these people a specific way based on it. So I guess maybe that's where I find a caveat. I wonder if I live long enough to be like a fringe character in a remake of some drama, you know? Okay. Who would it be?

I don't know. You'd have to go like one of my most famous friends. Like if they did a movie about Ashton and Mila, somehow I was like, I made a couple scenes. Yeah, you'd be there for the punk's era. And then they painted me like crazy. Well, but maybe you'd be like, that's accurate. I just mentioned I love snowmobiles and you can say whatever you want about me. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Like if they, so if they like portrayed you as very dumb. Uh-huh. It would be like to service the Ashton story, right? Uh-huh. Which that was the point of this. She's a side character because the point is to get it, get him to Carolyn.

You want him to be with Carolyn. Exactly. So if they had you as like an idiot and it was to serve as some story for Ashton, like it would suck. It would suck. It would be like that's not true at all. And now people think that about me and I'm alive. I'm saying you would say like and now people have this impression of me. I'm still a person out in the world.

Well, that is what ultimately kept me from getting to do the show, the best thing I've ever written, a false history of Daryl Hall. Oh, right. And I had met with Daryl seven times, you know, seven. I met with them several times and we got along great. And the conceit of the show is this is not his life. Yeah.

But I'm going to, I'm going to explain this catalog of 40 hit songs in story and give them these fantastical origins. I know. I love that. While plotting this bigger, arc of his life, which wasn't his life at all. And then the title of the show is going to be a false history of Daryl Hall. Yeah.

Yeah. And, you know, somewhat understandably, he's like, you know, at the 11th hour, he's like, yeah, I just like, I'm afraid people won't distinguish that. Yeah. I understand. And then, like, what if it's huge and then he's dead and who knows what thing people were. But he's literally in the title.

I know it's in the title. Yeah. I mean, look, I thought it was very clear and that there was nothing to it. And it would be very fun and such a fun and weird way to celebrate that amazing. In catalog. Yeah. Yeah. That sucks.

I think in that case, I understand your personal. I'm going to give the listener an example of one of the episodes. Okay. All right. You know the song, one on one. I want to play that game tonight. One on one I know. Yeah, yeah, I know it.

Yeah. So one on one. So it's a beautiful love song. We all know there's a beautiful love song. But really in that episode, Daryl shows up to a show at The Roxy. They're going to do this small. thing for this like review thing. And as he shows up, he notices three guys unloading equipment from the bus and they're not

the roadies. And so he tries to stop them as three dudes stealing all the equipment. And they jump him at the beginning of the episode. Okay. And they need a song. Like there's always a thing. He needs a song, blah, blah, blah. The whole rest of the episode, which is following the other grander arc of the thing.

Then there's this some kind of resolution. He hears a thing. And then he's walking down the street at the end of the episode and he sees one of the guys that jumped home. And it's like, what? I want to play that game tonight. And as you're listening, those lyrics, you realize, oh, it could also very much be about finding the dude and being so excited to finally take on one of them. That's great. Yeah.

So they all, all these things that you thought were about this, it's this exaggerated thing it really was about. And it was so fun to write. Yeah, I think you could have done it. And now I'm just too old. What if when he dies, it's even worse? I wanted to play him. It would be hard for me to watch someone else play him. Well, they were both tall and blonde.

And when this thing had legs, I think I was 40 when this was really in full swing. And he was a little older when he got famous. He still could. I couldn't tell those songs because I'm 51. And we know those songs were written in the 80s. Oh. Well, can't you use AI? I'd have to watch Justin, Justin. I'd have to watch Butler.

Austin Butler do it. He would be my pick. What? No, that's a bad pick. No, he's so handsome and tall. I met him, you know. I was so smitten. Carly almost fell over. I know. My brother said, oh, my God, you're Elvis.

It was a whole thing. I remember, but I'm just saying, hold on. Let me look up Daryl Hall. In the 80s. 80s. Blue-eyed soul. Okay. Austin Butler.

What's the matter? No. Because he, this guy is a real face. Like me. Exactly. Like a real normal face. Why don't you use AI? Like I could have played him.

Yes, you definitely could have. I had that hairdo. Yeah. I got the blue eyes. Okay. I don't think this, this is dead in the water. I think that. Or I can play John Oates.

What do you think? You could go either way. But I think. Pena. I wanted Pena. That would be. Fun. Yeah, yeah.

I really wanted paying you to play. Yeah. Okay. Well. It looks like Yorma. Yeah. Yeah. I think that you guys could do this and use the new AI technology to make you look younger, but it's still you.

I've, you know, Ben just sold a big company to Netflix. Oh, no. Yeah. So I think you could do this. Okay. I'll do it. Okay. It's back on.

It doesn't change how Daryl feels about it. But maybe time is changing. Oh, the thing is, by the way, I could do this. He's a public figure. And there is a version where I could have done it without his permission. But I need the music. The whole show is a celebration of the music. I wouldn't want to do it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's no show without the music. Yeah. Did you ever think about doing it with another musical figure that would say yes to it? Well, the reason I didn't is because, you know, I had this like, for your obsession with Daryl Hall. Hall and Oates, but Daryl Hall. I just, I like, it was such an obsession that I was like, I'm being called to do something more than just listen to the music, which is how I came up with the idea.

I'm like, oh, I want to be more involved with this music than just listening to it. Yeah. And I don't, I don't feel that way about the catalog of. Sabrina Carpenter. Sabrina's. You can play her still. Brainy. Yeah, my window's closing of people I could play.

You know, that's just a fact. A new category is opening up. But no one's very prolific in this period. Like no one's trying to watch the third act of a famous singer's life. You know, you want to see the rise. You can be in the, you're not in the flashbacks, but you're in the current day. Oh, boy. Okay, so it's me current day and then Austin Butler when we flashback.

Oh, my. God. Okay. I think we can do some facts now. Oh, I've done like Barronholz facts. Yeah. Yes. And I did his show.

That's right. Since he was on. And how was it? So much fun. So much fun. Except you said you got caught. I got a couple. Oh, I got several wrong.

Is that what you mean? Yeah, but you said you thought you were, you were tricked on one. Well, I was. He doesn't understand what anthropology is. Yeah. He got it confused with history. Which is fine. Sure.

I did end up getting it, even though I didn't really deserve it. Oh, yeah. That's true. My take on that was you extra deserve it because it's actually not your skill set. Not only that, I didn't even give a great example to him when I was explaining why that wasn't anthropology. He's like, but isn't it's a study of man? I go, yeah, it's a study of man, but mostly the evolution to, you know, blah. But really, I was like, it's the study of man before we wrote and had written records of man. We don't need to do detective work.

It's not a history of man. It's the historians tell us what happened in those periods through the written record. Yeah. It's pre-written record that we're trying to figure out. Ouch. Obviously, it's not bothering me anymore. Clearly. Okay. The Moon River Fletch reference.

1995 movie Fletch Chevy Chase. Not 1995. Oh, my God. 1989. My eyes. Oopsies. Croons the song, Moon River, while undergoing a human. invasive rectal examination by a doctor.

Yeah. And there's a video. Play it. Drop your shorts and bend over, Mr. Bavar. There we go. Oh, no, really. We don't need to. We don't want to do that.

So, you know, my kidneys feel a lot better in this position. Maybe it's just that I'm not doing any calisthenics. You know, if I did some sit-ups in the morning or bent over like this, I'd probably feel 100% but... Moon River. Thank you, Doc. You ever serve time? Breathe easy.

Be it easy. Oh, wow. There's more? I was able to get that policy. I know there's a history of cancer in the family. There is? Yeah. As a matter of fact,

you using the whole fistock? Okay, that's about it. That's funny. I've never seen that movie. You have it? Well, I'm going to show it to Lincoln if you want to join. Okay. It's in a three-way tie with my top comedies.

I know you love it. What year did Chevy Chase's talk show start and how long did it run? 1993 on Fox. It was canceled after six weeks, 29 episodes. His deal was supposedly $3 million. It was the first late night talk show on Fox since the late show hosted by Joan Rivers in 98, then Arsenio Hall and Ross Schaefer. And it was the last until 2006.

Talk show was Spike Ferristin debuted then. It got canceled because they promised five to six million viewers nightly, but delivered fewer than two. Also, the show's audience was generally misbehaved, and the chairwoman of Fox broadcasting said, quote, the show was uncomfortable and embarrassing to watch. Oh, boy. Ouchy. Not a great review. I didn't see it, so I don't have an opinion. Okay.

Santa Con. Now, I'm going to pull back the curtain here. Okay. We're doing some fact checks in advance. Uh-huh. Which means I didn't pull these facts. Okay. Santa Con is an annual bar crawl where people's confused.

You'll see. Okay. Santa Con. is an annual bar crawl where people dress as Santa in hundreds of cities around the world. It came to the U.S. in 96 to Portland. And in 2013, it was in 300 cities globally. 30,000 people participated in the New York City 2012 event in parentheses. I, Sophia, am embarrassed to say I have participated in it.

In my defense, it happened to land on my 21st birthday. Oh, how fun. Sophia was a part of Santa Crawl. Santa Con. Santa Con. Yes, she was. I wonder what the arrest rate is. It might be the highest per capita of any distinguished group.

I just, can you imagine seeing all these drunk Santas? Peen in their Santa pants and stuff. Do you think Sophia was wearing a Santa costume? Yes, I do. Wow. Or an elf. Or Missus Claus. You probably got to go as Santa.

Yeah. It's not Elf Khan. Right. It's not. Mrs. Claus. We didn't even give her a first, although he doesn't have a first name. Santa. That's his last name.

No, Claus is his last. I'm so sorry, so sorry, yes. Staying corrected. Well, but does she have a name? St. Claude. Yeah, St. Clahn's. But Santa Claus. And then she doesn't have one.

Mrs. Claus. Her first name is Mrs. Mrs. Yeah. What is the Dakota Johnson Tilda Swinton movie Luca directed? There are two. They're both in two. Oh my goodness.

A bigger splash, which was in 2015, and Susperia in 2018. Have you seen either? No, but I did want to see Susperia because they're like dancers. And I think it's scary. Tom York did the soundtrack for Susperia. Oh, cool. You know who that is? Yeah.

Oh. He's a big musician. Oh, my God. Who is it? Radiohead, singer of radio head. Do you say Tom Yorne? York. Oh, okay, York, yeah.

I knew it was a lead singer of a big band because Rob said that before. Great. I like his independent stuff even more than Radiohead. Oh, wow. Yeah. What was the, okay, what was the band that did Stereophonic? Oh, it was Will Butler, who was in Arcade Fire. Arcade Fire.

Okay, because ding, ding, ding, Sarah Pigeon, who plays Carolyn Beset Kennedy in Love Story, was in Stereophonic. Oh, wow. Multi-hyphenate. Yep. What is the Ryan Murphy with two? Ryan Murphy, ding, ding, ding. Didn't even mean to. Oh my gosh.

With two Coopers in it. She couldn't find a movie with two Coopers in it. The Menendez story has Cooper Cock and Eric Menendez. All right, because there's two Coopers in his, an Ike's movie. Yeah. For a show. Running Point, there's two actors named Cooper. Oh.

I think, and I said, you got two Coopers. That's pretty rare. Oh, and he said it also. But Bradley Cooper was in Ryan. Murphy. He was in nip tuck. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. Early days. Now, I think you, don't be mad at me because I didn't check this fact. Okay. Okay. The fact is, did the government go to Lamborghini and ask them to make the tractors? Was it Dukati? Well, not tractors, military equipment. They were a tractor company that got asked to make

military equipment. Okay. I'm just going to read what this says. Okay. Okay. No, Lamborghini Trattori is an agricultural, machinery manufacturer founded in 1948. Lamborghini was founded in 1963 after Therucci Lamborghini had a fight with Enzo Ferrari about the faulty clutch in his Ferrari 250 GT. Maybe what Dax is talking about. Following World War II, the Italian government took control of Ducati and shifted them into motorcycle

manufacturing starting with the Cucciolo Moped. That's what I'm thinking of. Great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it. I love it when Sophia does the fact. Yeah, it's great. Because you can't get even mad at me. Yeah.

Okay, fun facts about Capybara's. Biggest rodent in the world. 150 pounds. Yep. Four feet long, two feet tall. Four feet long. That's disgusting. That's your height.

Well, no. It's more heavier than you. It's bigger than you. It is heavier. It's a rodent bigger than you. Ew. Yeah, yeah. Okay, found primarily in Brazil, Venezuela, Colombia, Argentina.

Lives in Rivers, Lakes, Marshes, flooded grassland. So they're great swimmers, not like me. They practice caprophagy. Oh, eating their own poop. Oh, well, that's standard. Yeah. Classic. They can live in groups of up to 100.

In some places you can have them as a pet. Maybe I'll get one in Nashville. Roman around the yard. Sophia added a little tell Kaylee Cuoco. Oh, smart, smart. Oh, wow. It says supposedly there was something called a Jose Fortygagagia, monster and extinct rodent species that may have weighed over a thousand pounds.

Oh, yes. Ding, ding, ding. Wow. Probably right after pangia. Probably in the megafauna era of the Pleistocene when we had giant sloths and moly mammoths. Yeah. Probably. Was the caning of Michael Fay in Singapore because of chewing gum?

Oh, you're right. No. Oh. American student teenager Michael Fay did violate the vandalism act, but not with chewing gum. He was arrested for stealing road signs and vandalizing 18 cars over a 10-day period in September 1993. He pled guilty but later rescinded his plea to the vandalizing, but not the road sides to avoid caning. His sentence was reduced from six to four can-can strikes. Kane strikes?

She forgot an E. And it was carried out in 1994. He also was sentenced to four months in jail and a fine of $3,500 at the time equivalent to $2,230. The student who pleaded not guilty was sentenced to eight months in prison and 12 strokes. Interestingly, many months after returning to the U.S., he suffered burns to his hands and face after a butane incident and cited butane abuse in his rehabilitation program. He says that snuffing butane made him forget what happened in Singapore. In 1992, Singapore did ban the sale, import, and manufacture of chewing gum to reduce vandalism

and litter. Chewing gum is not legal in Singapore, but selling or importing can lead to fines in the thousands still true today. Oh, I'm so sorry. Chewing gum is not illegal in Singapore. Oh, it's not. What selling or importing can lead to fines in the thousands still true today. Okay, so you can't get it.

You can't buy it. Yeah. So it's, but it's... So it's virtually non-ex. It's like tobacco, Easter egg for something else, like another episode. Yeah.

But I'm really glad my mother and I were still outlaws and smuggled gum in and shoot it. I'm happy. Also, you present me with jail time. versus caning. Cane away. Oh, yeah. Right?

I agree. Yeah. Let's get cane in. But I don't want any of it. No. I just want to be clear. But I'd prefer it to incarceration. Yeah.

That's it. Great job, Sophia, on the facts. Love it. She always doesn't meet with me. And we love like Barronholds. Yeah, we sure do. We continue to love him. And he'll be back.

He'll always be back. We can count on it. All right. I love you.