Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Ike Barinholtz Returns Again

Episode Date: March 24, 2025

Ike Barinholtz (The Studio, Running Point, The Mindy Project) is a comedian, actor, and writer. Ike returns to the Armchair Expert to discuss how the Declaration of Independence was really the result of one big goon fest, presenting like a dumbass while he’s actually a smartypants, and being one of one in the category of people Dax doesn’t mind being wrong to. Ike and Dax talk about why their leading man potential has only grown as they’ve reached middle age, lung chugging laughing gas while receiving PRP treatments, and the age criteria for a dickoplasty. Ike explains that Kate Hudson insisted his father kiss her on the lips while filming Running Point, what it was like to act for hours in one-take scenes with Martin Scorsese for The Studio, and relishes the honor of being a member of the Three Episode Club.Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple podcasts, or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Rather and I'm joined by Leslie Stahl. Oh my goodness. And for our third time is the charm,

favorite guest by far, Ike Barron Holtz is here. He's an actor, he's a comedian, he's a show creator, he's a writer. He does it all. The Mindy Project, Blockers, Mad TV, The Hunt, Neighbors. And he's- He's a Jeopardy guy. A Jeopardy champion. Champion, thank you.

Champion. And he is a creator of Running Point. Mm-hmm, new show on Netflix. Season two, congrats. Yes. And he's acting in this most impossibly great show that I'm so excited for everyone to watch called The Studio with Seth Rogen.

And he is on fire in the show, Ike Barinholtz. And I guess we should say, I don't feel bad spoiling this. Okay. But Thursday we have- Wednesday. Oh my God, I can't do that. You're so spoiled. Wednesday we have Seth on.

Seth Rogen. Yes, to talk about the show. In the capacity of an expert. Yeah. Because the technical aspect of this show is so impressive and deserved a deep dive. Yeah. And it got real nitty gritty deep divey.

Yeah, so this is the Studio Week. This is Studio Week, welcome to Studio Week. Yeah. Please enjoy Ike Barinholtz. You just realized your business needed to hire someone, like yesterday. With Indeed, there's no need to stress. You can find amazing candidates fast using sponsored jobs.

With sponsored jobs, your post jumps to the top of the page for your relevant candidates, so you can reach the people you want faster. And just how fast is Indeed? In the minute I've been talking to you, 23 hires were made on Indeed, according to Indeed data worldwide. There's no need to wait any longer. Speed up your hiring right now with Indeed.

And listeners of this show will get a $100 sponsored job credit. To get your job's more visibility at indeed.com slash wonder ECA. Just go to indeed.com slash wonder ECA. Just go to indeed.com slash wonder ECA right now and support our show by saying you heard about indeed on this podcast indeed.com slash wonder ECA terms and conditions apply hiring. Indeed is all you need. What's up, man? You're so fucking strong. Oh, God, thanks for noticing. You're really strong. I'm just out of the shower too. I wanted to smell so fresh for you.

It is so hot. I also knew you were tall, but you're so tall. I'm going to go get you some water. I'm going to go get you some water. I'm going to go get you some water. I'm going to go get you some water. I'm going to go get you some water. I'm going to go get you some water.

I'm going to go get you some water. I'm going to go get you some water. I'm going to go get you some water. I'm going to go get you some water. I'm going to go get you some water. I'm going to go get you some water. I'm going to go get you some water. I'm going to go get you some water.

I'm going to go get you some water. I'm going to go get you some water. I'm going to go get you some water. I'm going to go get you some water. I'm going to go get you some water. I'm going to go get you some water. You're so fucking strong. Oh God, thanks for noticing. You're really strong. I'm just out of the shower too. I want to smell so fresh for you. It is so hot. I also knew you were tall, but you seem extra tall today. I am wearing lifts. Did you grow?

I got some elevator shoes. You know what I liked when we had James Marsden on? He said he wore lifts. It was very nonchalant, but he threw it in there, and I liked that. Very confident. Yeah, we put a couple actors in lifts for Running Point. Chad Hanks is playing an NBA player. You gotta throw him in lifts, man. He had more swag when he had the lifts on.

He just had sudden confidence out of nowhere. There's a saying, right? 10 feet tall and something? I feel 10 feet tall and bulletproof? I never heard that. Is that a Dax Hopper original? Did you just call yourself? I'm gonna tell you afterwards, because it's so proprietary and novel I don't want to steal it

But truly, you know, I was five minutes late. I was showering. That was great I was on pace to make it in time and I started thinking of an idea for us and it was so You know when a real idea hits you and you're like, oh and then it's immediately writing itself Yeah, we fast you can't stop thinking about about it I went into like a moment flow and you were nude which I really appreciate stroking myself yeah of course that's where the best ideas come from it's just a tick I have when I think the Declaration of Independence was written it was a group of men masturbating that Continental Congress floor this place is like a goon fest one big goon stash over

there wait tell us what gooning is I just let you know a bunch of creeps I There's a goon fest. One big goon sesh over there. A goon fest. Wait, tell us what gooning is. I just thought you meant a bunch of creeps. Oh no, gooning is very advanced jacking off. Oh, can you explain? It's like when young men who are kind of aimless will literally jack off all day until they are in almost trance-like state.

Oh my God. So it's a spiritual practice. Yeah, it's not something I do. I've tried, I just can't do it. Your refractory period's like two days, isn't it? My wife is so annoyed, she's like, it's her daughter's birthday. I'm like, hold on.

I'm working on something. But I first heard about this, and then I became obsessed with the notion. And it's not edging, edging is like getting to a point of them being like, ah, ah, ah, time to do some pushups. This is more like I'm gonna go and then I'm just gonna keep going

until I'm just like, uh. Oh my God. Yeah. I mean, this is a game for the youthful because truly, even if you, for a kabillion dollars, you had to beat a record. How many times do you think you could actually do it in a day?

50. No, no, no. Wow, you're so zero. No, in all seriousness. I know it's more than me, but I can't imagine a day. 50. No, no, no, no, in all seriousness. I know it's more than me, but I can't imagine. 10. 10. After 10, you're so exhausted and disgusted with yourself.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You feel like you're just a piece of trash. Well, how long does it take? How long does it take to rebound? Yeah, like- That's what I think would become my issue in this hypothetical like 30 minutes?

Up race to Bezos' B 30 minutes or like 5 minutes? Can we call it Bezos' Bucks? Bezos' Bucks! Bezos' Beat Off Bucks Challenge. Oh God. Honey, I'm hosting a new show. That was my idea. We're calling it Triple B.

That was the idea? It's not what we asked. Bezos' Beat Off Bucks. Bezos, how do I combine this? Everyone else is so tired of it, but can I tell you my favorite joke I think I've ever come up with? Yes. Did you see that Forbes just recently

announced the richest man in Mexico? No. Jeff Bezos. Oh my God. Oh my God. It's so stupid. It's good though. Jeff Bezos.

Don't do that. Yes. It's good. No, it's like watching somebody open somebody's present. You said, this is the best joke I've ever come up with, and then we have to watch a reaction. I'm not even worried though. Because what happens when you hear the joke is you go,

oh, this is racist. Right, you're staring at your mind guard. You're like, oh, shh. That's why it's a nice joke, because it relieves the tension of thinking you're going to have to fake laugh at a racist joke. Then you realize you're racist for thinking it might be racist in the first place.

Right, then you're almost feeling guilty. And then the relief of, oh, it's work-like. That's a good one. That's a good joke when it traps you. It creates more conflict. What you don't want is someone to guess the answer. Like, what do you call the richest man in Mexico? And they're like, oh, I don't know, burrito late.

Like, you know what I mean? You're like, no, no, no, late like you don't know joke out God Almighty I didn't even model out that you just gotta make sure you're not telling this joke to anyone you think I didn't even think that that could happen yeah let me guess no no no let me whip through this it'll take literally five. Probably some people I would ask would know It's like the telecommunications guy, right? Yeah, Carlos slim I'll talk to you later. Bye, but I am on the cover of Forbes this month, which is what I'm here to I could see that happening You're very busy very busy and very busy in the financial world a lot of deals

Just closed a big deal on the way over here. A lot of venture capital stuff. Lot of VC. VC, yeah, yeah, you and your boys. That's what we call it, because we're so busy making deals we don't have time to say the first thing. ROI. What'd you say? ROI.

I love- Time is money. Time is money, I've been saying that for years, and I love ROI, and I know what it is, and I love it, and it's a big part of my portfolio. Do you know what EBITDA is? Yeah, dude, I know what EBITDA is. Jesus, Monica, what's going on?. Do you know what EBITDA is? Yeah, dude, I know what EBITDA is. Jesus, Monica, what's going on?

Yeah, I know what EBITDA is. Anyways, what else is going on? Do you find on that? You get hit with these terms and I don't even know. It's probably 50-50 ego, but 50% yes, I don't wanna acknowledge I don't know it. I hate saying I don't know. Really?

There's a real freedom in it, but I really try to be a smarty pants. I'm surprised by that a little bit. I present like a dumb ass, but in reality I'm self conscious of that. So I want to be like, I know what that is. Same thing, I read as a dumb ass. It's a chip on my shoulder.

I'm kind of secretly smart. And then I can't possibly expose myself as being ignorant on anything. And then when I do, I talk my way out of it and say like, no, actually I'm still right. And people are like, oh wow. Or I don't know this because no one would know this and to know it would be stupid.

Yeah, like a lot of times with our kids, my wife will explain something. I recently learned about kind of how rain works. Okay. I just thought it fell from the sky and then it makes sense that some of the water is evaporating and coming down. Finds it way back down.

And so I said, it comes from the sky. My wife goes, well, it also comes from bodies of water and stuff. And I was like, yeah, well, both are right. And it's just like, who cares? I should just shut up and be like, oh, I didn't know that. How old are your daughters? 33. 31 and 30.

Do you know that's too fast for them to grow? Because I held one when she was a baby. You did? You came over and picked her up? That is true We've been giving them some steroids and stuff What's that called? Progeria? That's when you're really big No, that's acromegaly

Progeria is I think you're aging really quickly Reverse Benjamin Button Or straight Benjamin Button? Well Benjamin Button is you're born old and then you're getting younger Yeah, he's growing opposite By the way, I don't mind being wrong to you That's a really nice compliment I think you're one. Yeah. By the way, I don't mind being wrong to you. That's a really nice compliment.

I think you're a one of one in that category. I'm jealous. Well, it's like we got a thousand of these and you never won something. Same as you, eight and 11, then we have a six year old. Eight, 11, and six. Soon to be 12. Okay, now this is repugnant to admit out loud,

but I assume you'll join me. Don't you love when they ask these questions about how things work or anything is dark? And you're like, oh my God, I have value in this situation. As wonderful as that is, it is the opposite when the 11 and now even the eight year old is like, hey, can you help me do a very simple math problem? And I'm like, I cannot.

I literally cannot do it. Like I could sit here with you and try to pretend, but that's a huge bummer. But when it's history or social studies, government, any of that stuff, I am so excited to talk about it and really to show off. You want to be valuable to them? Yes.

You get older, you're increasingly less and less valuable. Now this is going to come later, but it would be crazy to not address it now. There's so many things that I'm impressed with you for, but this Jeopardy thing has me like insecure and envious in a way that's just so genuine. If people don't know, you won Celebrity Jeopardy. I did.

And before we even go on from there, there was a moment in Celebrity Jeopardy, do you know how wild your true daily double was? Like do you recognize the stakes of that? Before I went on Jeopardy, randomly a friend of a friend had won a couple episodes of Jeopardy. And he said to me, my best piece of advice to you is if it's early on especially go big on those daily doubles the odds are you're going to know the answer and just don't be afraid. Wow. It was

against my nature but I went all in on a couple of them. He had $16,700 and he made it a true daily double he risked all $16,700. This was again in the final with Patton. How many episodes is it? I won the first one, and then I went to the next round won that, and then the finals was me versus Patton and Will. Right, so three games in a row, you know. Wow. And then, you know how Daily Double works, right? You can wager anything.

I know. Up to your, I know you know. You don't have to explain it. And if you don't know, it'd be stupid to know. Maybe some people don't know who are listening so you should maybe explain it. So when you get a Daily Double, do you know what I mean?

Daily Double. And then you say how much you want to wager of your actual money. So you could say $100. So I looked it up. I was like, I wonder if I set a record for the biggest daily double ever. No, it couldn't be.

Not fucking far off. Someone had a $25,600 daily double. That's pretty good. That was what definitely won me that game. I tell my friends who are going on it, I'm like, go all in. I told the great Max Greenfield, I was like, you gotta go all in. And afterwards he's like, I didn't. He didn't do it.

It's scary. It is scary. Because the thought of losing everything is very real. How many daily doubles are in the game? In the first round of Jeopardy, there's one. In Double Jeopardy, there's two. But in Celebrity Jeopardy, there's three rounds. They're all really couples.

Everything's really couples. And I think I got at least two or three of them in that. Early on, if it's like a category that you know and it's one of the earlier questions, like a $300 question, you're probably gonna know it. If it was astrophysics for 500, I would probably not do it. Math problem is what I was thinking. Or osmosis.

The whole category, osmosis, I'm screwed. I wouldn't even know. One of the answers would probably be egg. Egg, what is egg? Yeah, yeah. But anyways, I watched the clip of you doing that today and I hadn't seen it prior to this. I was listening to that question with so much anxiety.

Do you remember it? Well, I know the answer. It was Harriet Tubman. Harriet Tubman. It was about the Underground Railroad. Right, God bless celebrity jeopardy. Okay, yeah. Where they're just like,

listen, celebrities, we have special brains. We're creative, we're goons, we love to goon. As a celeb, you have to reserve the red carpet in Goonie. Yeah, of course. That's just part of the deal. That's gonna be 30, 40% of the brain capacity. That's most of the brain. Goonie?

It's relegated to that. It's like an onomatopoeia. It's really bad. It sounds how it is. You're having a real visceral reaction to it. You're right to. Thank you. You shouldn't kink shame, but you can kink shame gooners.

Wait, can I answer a perverted question? Do you have any interest in, and it'd have to be someone you were very attracted to. If you had the opportunity to watch a live stream of them gooning, would you watch? Jude Law is gonna goon. He's gonna have a live on his Instagram. He's ready to blow up his career.

Jude Goon Law. Oh no! He's had enough of action movies. He's done all there was to do. Okay, I would watch for a little and see if I wanted to keep going. I can't say now that I would stick for the whole day. The whole day, you wouldn't last more.

Listen, as a man who has masturbated throughout his life, I can assure you that even someone you're really into, after a few minutes, you're like, okay, shame on you. Right, it's gone too far. There's people who need help in the world. You're wasting your life, I'm wasting my life, peace out. Yeah, you know what's sad? Tell me. But I'll be honest, you're right. If I I'm wasting my life, peace out. Yeah, you know what's sad, but I'll be honest, you're right, if I was watching a live stream,

that's probably a no-go. But if I thought it was about me, I'd be more into it. Well, he would be holding a photo of you in this scenario. He wouldn't be looking right at her. Yeah, I didn't know anybody was looking at a photo. He's a real pervert. A tasteful bathing suit shot of Monica or her eyes.

I like to look at photos of women I'm in the room with and masturbate for 12 hours. I'm an insane person, by the way. Oh my God, somebody has that. I think this is an old Patton Oswalt joke, but it was something like, no matter what your kink or your fetish is and you think it is so dark and weird and wrong

There is a online magazine dedicated to it. There is a guy sitting around a table saying this is the worst issue of whiffleball fuckers Okay, so as you point out celebrity cheper D It's just not at the same level as regular jeopardy nor should it be they want to have celebrities having fun It's for charity. So the questions are, I would say, 30% easier than your typical kind of Jeopardy question. Right, and we wanna hear from everyone too. So we gotta open it up.

It's not like we wanna invite Julie Louise Dreyfus and then we don't hear from her. No! Right. It's a waste. I don't know why you use her as an example, because she's a very smart, very reliable. She would probably do very well. Would actually be very good.

If you're listening to this, Julia, sign up for Celebrity Jeopardy. Now what's incredible timing-wise is he wins the celebrity tournament right as they change the rules, and that allows him to enter the real tournament of champions, like Mount Olympus. I've watched every tournament of champions.

I get starstruck when I see these people and stuff, so I was very honored. Yeah, so what went through your mind? Michael Davies, who produces the show, great guy, I was like, hey, we want you to be in this tournament champions. And I was so flattered, but also instantly acknowledged the fact that there was gonna be zero chance

that I would not come in last place. And I just kind of designated myself as the mascot. Literally showing up that day, I remember saying to myself, just have fun. That's the best you're gonna get out of this and I would love to not end up in the negative I was confident that wouldn't happen. He enters the quarterfinals is where it starts and one of the contestants Ray Lalonde Ray Lalonde he won 13 games in a row. Oh my god And I've been over

And I've been I'm over and fucked I did Bad AI married Happy marriage and he's a nice older man and I shouldn't have done that But I beat him Ike one and also the other contestant was no slouch. He's amazing, too It was crazy. I had a couple moments in the game where I got a little lucky I had a daily double again that helped me out. I remember what one of them was it was Numerical film titles. Oh, it was of them was. It was numerical film titles. And so it was like 800 bucks. And it was a daily double and I was like, fall in.

Was the answer seven? No, it was. God damn it. 13. This Fellini film. Eight and a half. Eight and a half. So I knew it.

I had enough juice to kind of be competitive into the film. You had a big stack now playing poker. Got the confidence, you got the chips. You got the swagger, you got the looks, you got the height. Got my lifts on. Going to Final Jeopardy, I was like, okay, you got the chips. You got the swagger, you got the looks, you got the height. Got my lifts on. Going to Final Jeopardy, I was like, okay, maybe this could happen.

And then the category for Final Jeopardy, it was Roman poets. And you felt good about that? No, I felt fucking terrible. I was like, it's over. Instantly I was like, okay, I know two Roman poets. Which are they? What if you go, I know one.

Well, at first I was like, I know one Virgil, but then I was like, then there's Ovid. Oh my God. Oh my God. You're good. Ovid like, I was trying to like, what made me think of Ovid. I wish you developed the lisp when you got really smart, cause you almost, you go, Ovid, like you almost.

The thing about Ovid is, I knew that he was active around 100 CE. And just turned into a different person. You'd have to see your Hellenic study side of your brain and then this is a whole new, you have a lisp. I remember he was exiled. So you've seen Eyes Wide Shut. Remember the scene when they go to Sidney Pollock's

huge, beautiful Christmas party and they get separated. That really cheesy guy walks up to Nicole Kidman, takes her champagne and she's like, I believe that's mine. And he's like, my darling, I'm absolutely certain of it. And he at one point goes to her and is like, are you familiar with Ovid and the art of love? So for a second, like poet, love, Ovid came into my head

and then I read the answer and I was like, I'm gonna go with Ovid. So I wrote that down. And so then it went down the line and Ray got it right. Of course Ray got it right. It went to me and Ken Jennings, I'm obsessed with was like I in Hollywood Did they sit around and talk about Ovid and my answer came up goes? Oh, they do and I remember Nell never forget hearing the crowd go Oh wow this is so exciting

You seem like the biggest genius on earth. It was crazy. They didn't know you were like I know too I'm going with one of the two. No. They were like wow he read he read that and he's like, fuck, that's Ovid all day. That's some Ovid shit. That's my man Ovid. Bitch, please. Give me a hard one next time, Ken. But Melissa still hadn't gone yet because she was in first place. Oh. And so she wrote, who was juvenile, there's another poet. That's a rapper too. At that one second duration, the audience realized I'd won. And then there was another like, ooh, like the craziest thing ever.

The real win was going to the semis. I had to go back to the next day. I was playing against another two incredible players, Ben Chan and I'm blanking in their guy's name, but he was incredible. And that's the one that's keeping me up at night still. Were you close? 50-50 guess.

Had I got it right, I'd win it. No, you were ahead in money again? Oh yeah, I was surging. I was, I don't know if I was ahead, but I would have won. Can you come back? I will one day for sure. Jeopardy is a huge part of me.

I love that show. It's incredible, but it was crazy. The final category was something like Greek history. So it was another like antiquity classical thing where I was like, okay. And then this one was this Greek writer wrote this phrase about whom. And it was like our enemies, blah, blah, blah.

So in my mind, I was like, okay, enemies of the ancient Greeks, the only ones I'm coming up with are Persians and Spartans. I'm just gonna go with Spartans and it was Persian. Good God. So had I just gone the other way on that one, I would have gone to the finals. So I will literally, sometimes just be like God. So had I just gone the other way on that one, I would have gone to the finals. So I will literally, sometimes just be like,

why didn't I just go the other way? I am so proud of you. This is such an accomplishment. This is something. It's a very fun thing. I love trivia. And you know he didn't go to college. That's what's fun is he's cobbled together

this crazy knowledge. No, I didn't go to college. One day I had like a job, kind of like a custodial job. And there was a problem like on a chalkboard and I saw it. And I just kind of knew it so I wrote it down. And a guy who worked there kind of in an administrative position saw it and that kind of got the ball rolling.

But I wouldn't say it's a goodwill hunting thing. Okay, do you practice, you know how people can get good at crosswords by understanding how crosswords work? Yes. Is that how Jeopardy is where you could learn tricks kind of or not really? There are little tricks when you go on jeopardy a big thing is the buzzer guy We started home watching it that the buzzer is just something you just want to ring as fast as possible You want to ring as fast as possible, but you don't want to ring once you want to go Yeah, because if anyone rings early the the minute Ken stops asking the question,

it coincides with these little lights around the board that kind of go off. And once those lights go off is when he stops talking and that is when your system is unlocked. Oh. If you ring it early, a quarter of a second, you are locked out. Locked out for how long?

You're locked out for a quarter of a second. So it's that fast, but that's enough time for someone else to get in there. But you want to keep doing it in case no one else rings in. So that was a big thing that I had to learn. I really appreciate that rule that they have because when we are at home, Kristen and I are competing, watching Jeopardy!

A rule in the house, cause I'm dyslexic, is you can't read ahead and then answer out loud. I need to hear what Ken's asking. I'm like Kristen where I, for years, just answer right away, which is so rude. I hope to hear what Ken's asking. I'm like Kristin where I for years just answer right away which is so rude. People would be annoyed. It's because my parents did that

because they were rude when they would watch it. So I've since changed that by the way. The last time I saw your wife, we were doing Jimmy Kimmel together and they were like, hey, will you do a bit like a pre-taped bit? It was called Celebrity Hide and Seek or something like that. Or Celebrity Lost and Found, I can't remember. And they were like, we're gonna have a person off the street

go into like a Hollywood Boulevard gift shop and they're gonna be looking for you, but you'll be hidden as part of the atmosphere. And we're like, okay, cool. Camouflage. Camouflage, right? So we go in. And was it like a souvenir shop?

A souvenir shop. There's, you know, half mannequins, the upper torso of a mannequin, and it was wearing a t-shirt that says Hollywood USA, and then a hat that says like the stars. And there's three of them. One of them they removed, and I went under the table and was posed like a mannequin

with my hat and hoodie on. And so I cannot move at all. Kristen's in another part of it, she's kind of buried. So they find this young woman off Hollywood Boulevard and cousin Sal is like, here's who you're gonna be looking for in the store. And he holds up a picture of Kristen. She's like, oh my god. She's like my favorite. I can't believe this. I'm gonna pee when I see her. This is so crazy. And again, she's 20 feet away. I can hear her in my earpiece and I am like right here and I can't move. And then Sal's like, and then you're gonna try to find Ike Barinholtz.

And she's like, I don't know who that is and I was just like perfect And I can hear Kimmel laughing in my earpiece because he's in the studio and I can't move He's coated in indignity. So then she found me and like right away. I'm like, how do you not know? I'm gonna send you blockers on To continue the parallel now imagine that's my life. I'm married to her. You had one mix up in a souvenir shop one day and you really remember it. You have thousands of hours at airports.

And I go to a hotel and the guy calls me Mr. Bell, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. That's a good one. As bad as I feel for you. Yeah, no, I get it. I mean, try that being your all day existence. I assume my identity.

Mm. I'm like, you listen to podcasts? I'm like the Chris and Bell podcast. He's got a near-bud in there, what are you listening to? Can I give you a good suggestion? Cause guess who doesn't have a fucking podcast from Chris and Bell? Yeah.

Yeah, Chris and Bell, I don't remember her interviewing Jeff Bridges, so whatever. So you tell me. Anyways, yeah, we need more towels, thanks. Yeah. It's obviously not that bad, but there is regularly a situation where someone comes up and they want a picture And I really don't know do they want me in the photo or not that is an hourly occurrence

I'd certainly don't want to presume they want also me in the photo so half the time I'm out and they'll go like oh no no you do, but that's only half right. I feel bad No, let's get one with your husband you stand There's like trying to figure out how to crop. Get a nice gap between you and Kristen. Last year, or maybe the year before that, we went to England for the holidays and on Christmas day in London,

they put in their roast and then you go outside. You go to the pub and you hang around and even though it's cold, the streets are really packed with people. Oh, fun. So nice. Very meek cutie. It's very Richard Curtis.

Oh. So we're there with my wife and a lot of her families are like 20 of us packed with people. Oh, so nice. Very meek cutie. It's very Richard Curtis. So we're there with my wife, and a lot of her families are like 20 of us, and we're in this beautiful village green in Richmond. Hold on, I gotta ask a very rude question. Are you flipping the bill for all this, or do they have their own money? My family?

20 people, her family. How do my kids pay for their tickets? No, no, her family. No, no, no, they take care of themselves. Okay, you didn't have 20. This isn't like a Muhammad Ali situation where I'm like, this is my cousins and I can't. 20 family members.

I got a round of drinks. Okay, I picked up a couple dinners. Yeah, we're all there and it's beautiful. And we had gone to Paris before that and it was the first time that I just had really noticed that people were kind of coming up to me. And I always wonder, oh, what movie had come out on Canal Plus?

So anyways, Christmas day, we're in London, we're at this pub and this woman walks up to me and she's got that big smile on her face and she's holding her phone. And you know that look when you're excited. And I'm like, hi. And she goes, hi. I go, picture?

She goes, please. And I grab it, I'm like, what's your name? And she's like, oh, Sandra. And I'm like, hi Sandra. I'm doing the selfie thing and I'm like, here we go. How's it going? Merry Christmas, by the way. She's like, thank you.

And I go, all right, let's do kind of a fun one. Oh, you really give up. Yeah, because it was Christmas. Okay, sure. You know, it's a day to give back, so I give it to her, and she's like, thank you. Sorry, do you mind taking a photo of me and my sisters? My wife has watched the entire episode.

Oh, thank God. And she's laughing the hardest she's ever fucking laughed in her whole life. This is. Thank God. She's laughing harder than any movie or TV show I've ever been in. She runs over to her siblings, and she's like, you're not gonna believe what just happened. She's pointing harder than any movie or TV show I've ever been in. She runs over to her siblings and she's like, You're not gonna believe what just happened!

She's pointing and- My loser husband! Yeah, then like the rest of the holiday, the young nephews and cousins would be like, Do you remember when that woman, you thought she knew who you were? And I was like, yeah I do, I remember that. That happened yesterday. You felt the full weight of the tall poppy syndrome, they fucking hacked you for the next five days.

They got my ass. I have a very memorable one, just like that was in Miami with a friend and these two attractive girls came up. It's important because it makes it that much worse. And they said, can we get a picture? They hand me the camera. I hand it to my friend Scotty and then I grab them.

I put my arms around both of them and get myself in the center. And they're both of me like oh my god What and I was like, oh fuck fuck And then the only thing worse than that is that then try to explain to them you're famous and you're used to this Really sorry ladies I groped all my fans. I'm really sorry, ladies. Anyways. I'm known for being handsy. Do you listen to podcats? No, that's how you do it.

This was 17 years ago. I'm real. Don't worry, I'm not scum, I'm here to Kristen Bell. You implicate her. 50% of the time, people do want me in the photo. Oh my God. Can you imagine though, if you were not a celebrity

and someone came up and asked, will you take a picture? And they got in the picture with you. That's what's happening in their brain. It's scary. Wild, yeah. These guys either are like a psychopath or he's drunk. I was eight years older than these women

and they were much hotter than me. You really, I don't believe that. Yeah, by a long shot. Maybe they're used to that, to being like, oh, I gotta get this thing going. Yeah, maybe, they were in Miami. I can't imagine it was the first time someone put their arm on their shoulder.

Yeah, I mean, you're in Miami. What do you want? Yeah. You're asking for it. It's like the equivalent of, on their shoulder. Yeah, I mean, you're in Miami. What do you want? Yeah. You're asking for it. It's like the equivalent of, it was your fault because you dressed like, you went to Miami. Your honor, she was in Miami.

What more do you want me to say? Okay, you're still going to jail for life. In Miami? In fucking Florida? You and I were too big to not be a leading man, but we are not good looking enough to be the leading man. Very true. You can't make us the sidekick

because the leading man's sidekick can't be towering over him and be bigger. I feel like we're both in the same weird nether zone. Yeah, I've played number one a couple times in my life. First of all, it's a lot of work. Yeah. A lot of work. You're there all the time, aren't you?

It's not all cracked up to me. No, it's cracked up to me. Early in my career, the thought of being cast as a leading man was just crazy. They were like, oh, are you insane? Look at his teeth. You know what I mean? You smelled them? Wait, no, they can't smell on camera.

This guy constantly shits his pants, which I've worked on. If there's any casting direction or other, I'm not doing that anymore. This guy's a shit pig. This tall Jewish shit pig or Timothy Chalamet I would find myself as kind of like a second guy I love playing that part because you can be so reactive and tune it up you get a lot of the comedy but I would describe this as weirdos a little bit because there were guys who were our height like Jeff Stoltz super hot guy the guy

Timothy Olyphant The guy who Tim always says looks like him Josh Duhamel Timothée Olyphant told me he had Josh Duhamel pose with his family for a Christmas card and sent it away No! Fantastic Did they get confused for one another? Yeah, kind of surprised Back in the day I want to add too, I actually don't think that would be the case if I entered acting now.

I'm much more attractive as a middle-aged man than I was as a 20-year-old. I was not a game-dish. I was disgusting. I was like a loser. I don't believe any of this. Some men, it gets a little bit easier. You don't look as bad as you get older. Exactly.

And relative to your peers you start looking All you gotta do is wait it out. Yeah, everyone's gonna get old and ugly and you're gonna still stay the same This hair was thin in my 20s, but it ain't bad in my 50s No plugs just a little bit of uh What do they call it? The jams? No, I do the uh PRP? PRP

I do the PRP There Everyone's gonna want PRP. I do the PRP. There we go. Have you done that PRP? I haven't. I went the first time and it hurt so much, you know? Just kind of waking stuff up. And then I went back, I just remember it hurt so bad

and the nurse was like, I forgot, do you like the laughing gas? And I was like, that's a fucking option? Yeah. Yes. So now when I go, you suck on it and you're like, did you guys watch White Loney? You know all the popping but you can't feel it.

Mike White is a genius. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert. If you dare. Imagine this. You help your little brother land a great job abroad. But when he arrives, the job doesn't exist. Instead, he's trapped in a heavily guarded compound, forced to sit at a computer and scam innocent victims,

all while armed guards stand by with shoot-to-kill orders. Scam Factory, the explosive new true crime podcast from Wondery, exposes a multi-billion dollar criminal empire, operating in plain sight. Told through one family's harrowing account of sleepless nights, desperate phone calls, and dangerous rescue attempts, Scam Factory reveals a brutal truth. The only way out is to scam their way out. Follow Scam Factory on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can binge all episodes of Scam Factory early and ad free right now by joining Wondery Plus.

At 24, I lost my narrative, or rather it was stolen from me. And the Monica Lewinsky that my friends and family knew was usurped by false narratives, callous jokes, and politics. I would define reclaiming as to take back what was yours. Something you possess is lost or stolen. And ultimately, you triumph in finding it again. So I think listeners can expect me

to be chatting with folks, both recognizable and unrecognizable names, about the way that people have navigated roads to triumph. My hope is that people will finish an episode of Reclaiming and feel like they filled their tank up. They connected with the people that I'm talking to and leave with maybe some nuggets that help them feel a little more hopeful.

Follow Reclaiming with Monica Lewinsky on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to Reclaiming early and ad-free right now by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts. Oh my God, when you're on gas, do you inhale the fuck out of it and then get too high and then have to start Your mouth. I do the equivalent of lung chugging. Yeah, I'm just like give me the good stuff, baby So nice one time you can do it legally and with medical supervision

It's like you're free to get as high as possible. Yeah, and there's a staff there to bring you back But I'm such a loser that I hope my wife doesn't hear this we have like this whipped cream This like nice whipped cream is in the can that we put on the ready with waffles It's like ready whip, but it's fancier It's French whenever it's the end of the can and we're cleaning the kitchen out is just kind of duck my head Second buzz by the time you got it in the trash can, it's worn off. Go on, then you're kind of angry. God damn it.

Do you drink? He's one of these guys I'm so jealous of. He has like the perfect relationship with all of it. Really? He can party when it's called for. As you get older, you definitely want to do it less. Also, they're just coming out with articles now that are like, back in the 80s, they were like,

doctors say you should have two martinis a day. Exactly. And now they're like, all alcohol is poison, which is very depressing, because I do love on like a Friday evening to make a nice cocktail. Yeah, me too. Yeah, cooking dinner, have a Manhattan,

Negroni, one of those, I love that. But as you get older, hangovers, even if you have sometimes just two drinks, you wake up the next day, you're like, I feel like shit, so it's not worth it. But you can take the right amount of weed as needed. The little mushroom squares that people take. Sure, easy peasy for you.

Yeah. Will he ever blow wines anymore? No, no. That kills people now. Because of the fentanyl. Anything that has a probability of killing you that's embarrassing, you can't do once you have kids. If a 48 year old man dies of a cocaine overdose

at a bathroom at a friend's birthday party, that is mortifying. And it's not even just three children, three daughters. Three daughters. Not to be that guy, but it's like, I have daughters and I don't want them to know that I died on the floor of a bathroom. It's also been so long. As you get older too, you start to settle down. Cocaine is not a good drug for parents.

But now the fun thing with drugs are they're so much more organized now. They're predictable. There's people that are making them that you don't think they made it out of, like, their sock in a bathtub. Yeah, it's packaged. It's packaged nicely. Like, we went to go see the Dead and Co. at the Sphere.

Oh, at the Sphere. Yeah, we were doing the studio. And it was Seth and everyone, so there was a lot of fun things. They have acid. Oh. That is in a little, like a banaka spray. No way.

And it's not like back in the day when you take a little piece of acid and for like 14 hours you're like gone into a dark place. This is more like, oh this just makes me dance more. Oh wow. Crazy. Yeah, I took a little bit and then at the end of the night, at one point I just grabbed it and I was going,

and then I heard John Mayer go, thank you Vegas, we love you, good night. And I'm like, oh man. I walked into that casino like, like a hundred stops. Anyone have ether? I think he's already lodding them around. Out of all the things I've seen and done drug-wise,

nothing messes people up more than eating weed. Seth just said that. If you eat too much weed, you think you are going to die. I, one time when I lived in Amsterdam, man, I took POPROWNIE and no idea what the dosage was, and we decided to drive to the airport. Sure.

Because there was a Burger King there that was open. Okay, that's- And my friends, we pulled up to like arrivals. I go, I need to wait in the car. I can't go in. And they're like, okay. And then right as they walk away, I was like, I'm gonna get murdered in the car.

So I locked the doors and then passed out. So they came back and for like an hour was banging on the door. You have like real panic attacks and stuff. So don't eat too much wheat. I don't know if I told you this in 2018 in your first interview, but the highest I've ever been

where I was losing huge chunks of time was me and my three friends in Amsterdam, Space Cake, and it was poppy seed loaf. And it was just straight delicious, and we were hungry. And we ate one, and then I was like, we'll have another, and they're like, you shouldn't have another. And I'm like, we'll be fine, they're so delicious.

I was just eating for the taste at that point. Yeah, that's the worst. And we got into this insane cycle, we made it back to our hostel, and we were all sitting on bar stools, and I noticed all of a sudden, I had been staring at the bartender and I go like, oh, why is my jaw so tight?

And I turn and I look and all three of my friends are also staring at the bartender with the same look on their face. Three morons. They have four idiots from Detroit. I go, oh my God, guys, look at your faces. And everyone goes, were you doing that too? I just looked forward to same look on my face, same, look at your faces. And everyone goes, were you doing that too? I just looked forward to the same look on my face,

same staring, look over, they're doing it again, and we were just in this insane cycle that was madness. That's where he came up with his character, his mediocracy, which I just rewatched. It ages like a Bordeaux. Oh, it's getting better. Better and funnier, and I totally forgot at the beginning, the scientist is turning into a pimp, kind of.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's obsessed with upgrades. You always forget that part. It's seeping into my top 10. It is the greatest movie, it's so goddamn funny. I don't think I've watched it since I first watched it, but the thing that I loved most from the script and while we were shooting it is my favorite stuff was all the ads.

If you don't smoke Carlton's, fuck you. Fuck you. Or that Fuddruckers had become blood fuckers and that they're showing the passage of time of how they've iterated into blood fuckers. David Herman was killing me in this one. The movie's amazing and you should re-watch it. Treat yourself. Watch it with your kids.

I'm scared. Do your kids watch any of this stuff you do? Yeah, we showed them Hit and Run the other day. Oh, okay. Because it's such a neat period of time for Chris and I. We made this movie for a million dollars. It's about being in love. Because if they've seen us in stuff together,

I'm the asshole and went in Rome annoying her. I kind of wanted them to see something. Romantic, nice. Yeah, and just nice about their parents. That's very sweet. How about you? I just started to, I mean, there was a lot of stuff that just R-rated comedies.

We can't show them, but not too long ago, they started watching The Mindy Project. Mindy Kaling was on here, by the way. Yes, she was. She had the best time. She was at the report. That was the report like literally as she was leaving text to me We know that you shit mouth us a little bit what I said. Yes, you told her to bring snacks cuz it's long And also hydrate. That's pretty good. Make sure you're hydrated. You're going to sleep about 12 hours a night before.

You're going to take a nap at some point. It was so exciting. She does not do a lot of pawn cash. We've been begging for seven years. We did our show together. So the other thing is, yours was a little longer. You had a hot five years on camera. And then you were kind of out of the business. Yes, Matt TV was like young guy doing it,

and then promising. No one would cast me. I would test for pilot after pilot, and it would be me against four guys who were either much better looking. They'd be watching, they'd be like, do you feel like you could smell him? I feel like I could smell him.

Listen, I'm like, this guy, I heard he's a Jewish shit pig. But then you pivot and you start writing, and this is the same with me. I had like a really hot three or four years, punk, idiocracy, and then really I don't know if I can get hired for anything. And then I just go to writing and then I have a script under development at Imagine.

And while I'm in a note session on that script, they're casting parenthood. David Nevins happens to say, boy, he would be a great Crosby. And then I'm kind of back into acting. That's amazing. We have the same exact story, right? It is, yeah.

My David Nevins was Mindy. Yeah. Who was like, these guys wrote a script that I like and I have my own show that we're starting, me and Dave Stassen. And then she was like, oh, you should be on the show. And then she created this character. A lot of those things I haven't watched in 10 plus years.

Yeah, right. Now that my kids are watching it. Do you cry? I did cry at one scene just because I remember shooting it. It was being very emotional. It was right around when my kid was born. But it really was great to watch and kind of laugh because it's such a funny show where all the characters are

the perfect amount of dumb and vapid, but also very kind of sweet. So it's really nice to go back. Then I pushed it one night where my older one was on the couch and we're flipping through HBO and neighbors was on Uh-huh. And it just in my mind. I was like I watched a little bit of neighbors. Erica came down She's like are you fucking crazy? Yeah, I know and then two minutes later She had gone to bed and I look and it's Dave Franco's bare butt

Just pumping away Just pumping and I was just like, oh right Yeah, I did that two weekends ago in a hotel with Delta and Sarah Marshall was on. Okay. And I'm like, oh, this could be fun. This is mom in a balls of the wall comedy. One of the funniest movies ever made.

I agree. And I don't think of all the things they've seen her in. They haven't seen her in a fucking hard hitting comedy. And same thing, it starts and all of a sudden Jason's dick is out and the towel's up. And then I'm even telling myself, we're not hung up on nudity in my family. So that's whatever.

And then as it goes on, I'm like, no, I don't think this is the right film for us. Yeah. It's a lot of- Yeah. I wish we weren't hung up about nudity, but my 11 year old, who's like going on 15, she'll come into my bathroom

when I am coming out of my shower. Yeah. And will look at me and go ugh. And I'm like what are we doing? Why are you doing this? This is so mean. I don't go to your bathroom and evaluate your body. Yeah. What the hell? Like it's very pointed and just like ugh. She's disgusted. Disgusted. I get it but I'm like just please internalize that. Do you know what our older daughter asked Kristen at one point? She said, why do you and daddy's birds, it's universal in my house, it can be male or female,

why do you and daddy's birds look so old? Oh, that's a tough one. You're like, I don't know, you Google dickoplasty. Yeah, exactly. Dick lift Los Angeles. I'm not going to leave us out of part of the conversation and we're like, the testicles. I can tell you right now, it's the testicles.

Yeah, I guess I didn't need to ask. Those things do not age well. They're the opposite of idiocracy. They just get bigger and longer. Stretchier. Oh, God. So you're losing plasticity, but you're also gaining it there. Oh, the worst.

What age do you think you have to stop being naked around your kids? There was never a thing. I think obviously it's probably a little different when it's intersex. So probably like when they become teenagers, when they start going through puberty. But the minute I get roasted.

Right. Now you're insecure. Yeah, you just come from the South. So now I get out of the shower quickly. Peek around. Yeah, we're past the point now. My policy is they'll decide that. Cause in Europe, they don't give a fuck.

They're nude. They go to dinner nude. I'm aiming for that. You know in Europe, they don't start dinner nude until 10 PM sometimes. They go to dinner nude. I will say every once in a while, you'll shower with one of the kids, you know? Like in a hotel.

Oh, now we're underwear. Because for the little one, especially if she's at like, big height, and like, I don't need to be like, washing her hair and her to be like, you know what I mean? Staring at an elephant. Forget it. So that I wear underwear for,

which is, I think I would recommend. That feels more perverted for you to wear underwear in a shower. Yeah, why not a bathing suit? If I walk in and I saw a man and his daughter and he was wearing tighty-whities, I'd be like, what's happening? Do you need protection? You look like a David Cross in Arrested Development.

Yeah. I'm a never nude. You're probably sick of talking about this, but it is still so exciting. And it's his fault because he keeps popping up. But your dad, Alan. Oh my God. We've been along for this whole ride

because we were big jury duty fans. Oh, so good. And he was phenomenal. And then I see him immediately in Running Point. Running Point, yes. He plays the family lawyer, kisses Kate Hudson. No! Oh, good for him.

We wrote the character to be a vuncular older man who's very touchy and stuff. And so we were shooting it and he's kind of kissing Thoreau and Scotty McArthur is kissing him on the forehead. And Kate Hudson, who's so game for any comedy thing. She's like, hey, on this next take, he should probably kiss me on the lips. So there's like, you gotta kiss Kate on the forehead and Kate Hudson who's so game for any comedy thing she's like hey I'm this next take he should probably kiss me on the lips. So I go you gotta kiss Kate on the lips. I cannot do that. Oh that would be inappropriate and I go no it's her idea goes oh. So now in the show there's like a big fat smooch on

the lips and he tells everyone he's like yeah Kate Hudson is a star. That is so cute. He's 72. He's living his best life right now he's in the studio too But I'm like, good for him. That is so weird. Kenneasy. He's 70. 72. He's living his best life right now. He's in the studio too. I saw him in the studio. He is a working actor now. It's crazy. He is.

He's the opposite of a nepo baby. He's in a nepo dad. He's a nepo daddy. It's something you can really get behind. Yeah, I like that. And you said you were striking, and you brought him along. It was crazy.

I brought him to the picket line one day, and he sees Titus well over, right? Now, Bosch to fathers. It's Joseph Smith to a Mormon. Right? It's everything. So he's a super tough cop who's a little bit woke but also likes jazz.

I am in. Just like me. He calls people slurs, but he's on the right side of justice. Like, I love him. He's helping them and insulting them So we see Bosch and my dad is just like losing his mind And then Bosch learns who he is and Bosch is like oh they talked they were so excited

What was better for him getting approached by Bosch or kissing Kate Hudson? That's a real tough one. We might need to call him. I think honestly Bosch kissing Kate I don't think he had any illusion that she was going to dump Danny and they're going to end up together and then he could really get to Goldie. As I say it, that is a plan though. Do you think though in his mind he was like, Peggy might let me? Maybe in his mind he's like, well my wife, I don't know if she understands the concept of a hall pass, but if I were to explain it to her and Kate Hudson was on board, yeah,

this could work. She would want this for me. She would be happy for me. I do think that in his mind, there's definitely a kernel of like, what if me and Bosch become friends? What if I'm on the show? You know what I mean?

Is it still running? Bosch? Oh, yeah, they got Bosch Legacy out now, dude. They will always be here. There'll be spinoffs and stuff. As long as there's crime in LA, Bosch is here to clean it up. I have a bone to pick with you. Oh no.

Which is simply, I begged you to do a podcast with us. Oh my God. And you didn't. I only think about it every day. Okay, and then lo and behold, Polar's here to promote her podcast, and I come to find out, you definitely said yes to her when she had an idea.

I did. Chris Chapman do-over. Chris Chapman do-over, here's what happened. When you came to me years ago, and you're like, you should do a podcast, it would be really fun. And I was like, I'm too busy doing bullshit. And now I'm like, oh my God, you could have had a podcast.

I can't start one now. 2025. But Polar came to me and she had such a funny idea. For the love of you, you can't say no to her. I love her. And her take on it was great though. She was like, I want to figure out a way for us to improvise without having to go on stage at 830 at night Yeah, have people filming it putting it online

What's the way for us just to riff because that is something that I miss even though improv is coming back There's a lot of good improv in LA right now live improv at Largo dinosaur improv with Paul Shear the last improv show So we came up with the idea to do like a take on a podcast that would exist in the manosphere a little bit Inspired by lots of different people as you say repeating conspiracy theories having medical advice yeah a lot of talking about clips of things that you watched online it really is inspired by lots of different people so we came up with a crew and we spent this incredible two weeks where we taped like eight episodes of this fake podcast that is so much fun it is so

funny the company I don't know if I should say this, because they were so wonderful who made it, but the week mine came out, they were like, we're going out of business. We never really got a chance to do like a big promotion, but it's still out there. Just to get to be very confidently wrong, is a very fun energy to play.

Like Catherine O'Hara one time said, play confident and stupid, and it is the magic sauce. So getting to do that, and again, we also had Neil Casey, who's one of the funniest guys, and Lisa Gilroy. She's an improviser and an actor, and she is so hardcore funny, one of the best improvisers I've ever seen in my life. Oh my God.

Basically, the premise of the podcast was, I got canceled, the podcast went away, and a new company said they will do my podcast if half of 1% of my listeners can be women. Half of 1%! So I'm like, okay, so this is my new co-host. And he's so funny, so it's such a fun thing. And to get to do it with Polar and sit in his studio

with Polar and our friend Liz Kokowski, who's one of the great geniuses, it was one of the most fun things I did that year. Yeah. Oh, fun. Go check that out. Chris Chapman, do over. Okay, one last thing and then into both shows. I don't know why I want to bring this up,

but we had Bobby Lee on. I mean, other than maybe you, I've not had that much fun talking to somebody in front of a microphone. How special is Bobby Lee? I did his podcast. It was the old Tiger Belly like a year and a half ago. And it was like the most fun I had in such a long time. He's so wonderful now that he's older and he's just very settled now in a weird way

He was so chaotic for so long. He's always been one of the funniest guys But whenever you'd see him he would be a little stressed out and now he's so happy. He's very successful Yeah, he is just one of the best and funniest when I was on his podcast He really just spent the first half hour just apologizing for stuff that he did at MADtv. And it was just so grotesque. Just night stepping you. Oh, it was just like, I'm really sorry

that one time you were writing a sketch and I came in and pulled down my pants and spread my ass and shoved pums in my ass. And I was like, it's okay. I wasn't offended. He has this weird way of in his apology Retraumatizing and making maybe the apologies worse I was like a whole new audience who never even thought of that happening before he tells a story about being molested

Yeah, all things are happening at once it's so unique yeah, he's wonderful I'm actually doing his podcast him and Santino at once. It's so unique. Yeah, he's wonderful. I'm actually doing his podcast. Him and Santino. Santino. It's a billion dollar. He's Chicago? Sicily. He immigrated here from Sicily three years ago. One of the only redheaded Sicilians. First ever. He is Chicago. Okay, so Running Point. Running Point. You're a creator. Yes. See what's really funny is I was looking at your Instagram and you had a photo dumped from Running Point and that Justin is wearing that shirt. He's wearing the gear. And you know what, I'm so stupid. This is how fucking powerful Thoreau is.

I'm looking at that exact shirt you're wearing. I forget that the name of the team is the Waves, even though I've seen the show. And I go, man, I look, he did it again. He's got this shirt on that says Waves. What rummage sale did he find that in in New Jersey? You thought it was like vintage? Yeah, everything he wears is so cool and vintage.

He is the best dressed man I've ever seen him. Just fucking oozing cool. Did he find that in a New Jersey? You thought it was like vintage? Yeah, everything he wears is so cool and vintage. He is the best dressed man I've ever seen. Just fucking oozing cool. If I were to dress like him, people would be like, sir you need to leave. I gave it a shot, I was like, I think I can pull it off because I ride motorcycles. And I was like, you're not pulling this off. You're not pulling it off.

No, he's one of a kind. He looks like a European dude who's by himself on a motorcycle. And you look like a guy who's trying to get into the hells And he's written four or five really substantial poetry books that are good. That's good poetry. It's fucking good. Yeah, he smokes gal-laws. Oh my god.

You smoke like Wittons. Yeah, but you created that. With my friend Mindy Kaling, have you ever heard of her? And Dave Dassen, who was our show runner. And Mindy approached us and she was like, I have an idea for a show that's loosely based off of Genie Bus. And had you met Genie before?

I actually strangely had. My lawyer is friendly with her and took me to a game once, introduced me. A, she's so cool and just lovely and nice. Growing up in Chicago, big Bulls fan, like Bulls first always, but there was something as a kid, I loved Magic Johnson.

I just thought he was fun and cool. You probably loved him from Michigan. He and Isaiah kissed each other, if you remember, mid-court once. Right, which was the worst thing ever. Which was like 87. That was like the first time I had seen two men kiss. That was, Monica, this is Michigan in the 80s.

This is a very different time. It was so different that I remember when Travolta would go on talk shows, he would hug the host. I'd never seen men hug men. In our lifetime, we've watched hugging become a thing. Like it was truly not a thing until Travolta. Bill Clinton signed the 1995 National Hugs Act.

It was just, you would shake a hand, or even back in the day, be like, how are you? And you'd try to hurt the other guy's hand. Oh, you would shake a hand, or even back in the day, you'd be like, how are you? And you'd try to hurt the other guy's hand. Oh, you'd squeeze the hand as hard as you can. As a test of your masculinity. John Williams said, my father created a pool supply company. You pump it, might grab the elbow if you're really confident.

And then the big smack on the shoulder. Try to put him on the ground. The irony that it literally almost full circles into gay. Oh, it is. Like it starts off so masculine and then you're like jerking each other. Oh yeah, sure, sure. Hugging is a still new thing.

You might remember this rumor when we were kids that the boss kissed his saxophone player. This was like this huge rumor. Do you remember that? That Bruce Springsteen kissed Clarence Clemens. Yeah, great, you know everyone's name involved. Was that like a thing that hit Chicago? No, never got that one.

Oh, I did. People were like, you know Bruce Springsteen kissed his saxophone player? Oh my God. I love urban rumors. I remember in high school, oh yeah, Marilyn Manson removed his ribs so he could suck his own dick.

100%. That was a big one. Which is actually true, I found out. Yeah, I found that out this morning. It was in the paper fact of the day, I get a little email. Do you know I partied with him one time? Ooh.

Back when I used to do Coke. Yeah, I can imagine that. It'd the prerequisite for hanging out with him. It was pre any domestic abuse situation with women. So I had no ethical dilemma whatsoever. It was still in that phase where he had been in pulling for calling by. And you were like, oh, he's really smart. His music's actually good. I never went all the way there, but I was like, that's kind of intriguing.

You know, he was like an interesting guy. Yeah. And he had a ton of to, but I was like, that's kind of intriguing. Yeah, no, he was like an interesting guy. Yeah, and he had a ton of toot, and I was down to hang. I don't know if I told you this story once, but I used to be a busboy at Arnie Morton's on La Cienega, Morton's Steakhouse. Oh, I love Morton's. Still my place.

I love it. So this is like 2001, and before I went to work, I was at home, and there was a show on IFC that you might remember called Dinner for Five. Oh, loved it. Loved Dinner for Five. Oh, loved it. Loved Dinner for Five. And so I was watching it, John Favreau was the host, and I can't quite remember, there were two other people,

and then Marilyn Manson, and then there was an empty chair. So I remember going to work that night, bussing a table, and Marilyn Manson walks in, he's a big guy, and he comes in and he sits down, and he's with some slave or whatever the fuck. And he sits down and I was like, I gotta ask him who did not show up. Oh great, great.

So I'm kind of just waiting for the right moment and I start busting the table next to him and I just kind of turn and I go to him, hey, excuse me, I hate to bother you. Who didn't show up for dinner for five? And literally as I turned to him, he's just put like a relatively large piece of steak in his mouth.

It's gonna be like a minute of chewing. Bro, it was like a solid 30 seconds of him being kind of annoyed and holding up his finger and being like, and I'm waiting for it and I'm waiting for it and it feels like an eternity. And finally he goes, Michael Rappaport. Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Is that a good story? I feel like we need more of those. That has happened to me numerous times. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I have a cow in my molar. But back to running point, you're a writer-creator, you're on set for the whole time? Yeah, so Mindy approached Dave and I, and she's like, I have this idea for a show. We love her so much, and the Mindy project was the best gig ever.

It was the most fun. Me and her and Dave, our sensibilities just really line up. Yeah, that's a great feeling. So we spent months with her eating gigantic sandwiches every day and just kind of breaking the show, writing the show. And so then we're like, who's going to play this part? One of those shows where it's so all about the lead and we had on our wishlist.

Obviously, it would be great if we can get someone like Kate Hudson to do this. That's impossible. She's Kate Hudson. And so sure enough, we got a call. Her agent's like, I read this. I love it. She's going to read it. And then she read it and she loved it. That never happens. That never. What always happens is you find out she's gonna do it and then the last minute it just doesn't work

or she got another movie or something, but she really stuck to her guns. I think she really saw the vision and so then we were able to get this insane guest cast around her. It's a sibling workplace comedy and so we were able to get Drew Tarver, who I am obsessed with.

He's pretty shockingly funny. He was also on a show with Caitlin. That's where I first saw him, Caitlin Olson. He's pretty shockingly funny. He was also on a show with Caitlin. That's where I first saw him, Caitlin Olson. He's got the Bateman thing. Yeah. When he's dialed in, where even when he says a line that's not even remotely funny, he still makes it funny.

That means you'll work forever. He was at UCB during my time. So I saw him on stage all the time. Yeah, his essence is perpetually hung over, which is the best kind of vibe. If you could have that, I mean, that's like a Bill Murray thing, when you talk about it, like, what, what do you want?

And in real life, delightful, wonderful man. Scott MacArthur is a guy who we had known for a very, very long time. 60 plus years. He grew up with him in Chicago, 40 years. Like, literally 40 years. We knew him when he was four years old. Remember when he was born.

And then we had the part of the other brother, I mean, first we had Brenda Song, who is amazing. Walking around in public with her, the only other person I've seen that gets that kind of smoke is John Cena. People, when they see Brenda Song, lose their fucking minds. It's wild.

But then the older brother part was the last big piece, and it was a really funny part, and we needed a killer, and we got Thoreau, which was just wild, because he is low-key, I think, one of the best actors out there Totally to have him come and do a big dumb comedy. You guys were both on plumbers White House plumbers. Yeah that show I don't know why that one went under the radar I watched it a year and a half after it came out and I was like this shows a ten

How funny was he on that show? Oh my god performing He was played G Gordon and Lydie and he's talking like this the entire time. But it's so believable. Woody with his big stupid teeth. Ooh. Yes. But it was such a great show. I also think too, it was probably when Max with HBO

was breaking off a little bit. You couldn't sign in for a couple months. Yeah, you're clicking forget password, but it's to your old email that you don't have access to anymore. But it was a great show. We're all gonna do so much about the studio because we had Seth and it's probably the most we've ever talked about someone's project on the Show because I genuinely from the bottom of my heart blown away. You sent me the nicest tax man

Yeah, I was really nice. You don't know you work on something and you love it But when people you know reach out it really is a a very, very lovely thing. Oh my God, I loved it. I watched all 10. Every day you'd show up and there'd be a new person, like Martin Scorsese. I had to act with him for hours and hours in oners. So the stress levels only compounded. After every take, I kind of stand there with him,

because he's one of those people that everyone's like, don't bother. But I'm standing with him, so I would just kind of talk a little bit and then try to get out, so I'm not talking too long But he's one of those guys where he is as advertised where everything you say to him He's going to say in the most Martin Scorsese way like I said him. How do you like how we're shooting goes? Oh, it's great. It's French new wave, you know Godard created that because they only have one camera

So that's what the French new wave was and you're like, that's so fucking cool He said that and you feel like emboldened? He's opened the door. Yes, so now I'm like being a psychopath who knows everything about you. Wrecking Ball, you should pull out a list. Well I go, your favorite French New Wave is 400 Blows, right? Oh.

Uh-oh. He goes, well it changes, it changes all the time. I think right now it's Jules at gym. You know, the first time I saw Jules at gym, I remember sitting there thinking, if only I could make a movie. The whole movie was the first 20 minutes of this movie and That's this house and I'm like, oh but new I'll just

My god The whole series every scene is shot in one take. So it's not like a conventional show where we have our coverage. How did it affect your comfort in improving? You don't want to be the person who fucks up. And then it has the giant reset. And that definitely happened a few times.

Anything about Seth though? I don't know if it's because he's Canadian or the weed. He's the most easygoing guy when it comes to that shit. Even if inside he's pissed, you will never see that. Because if someone would fuck up, he just goes, oh, here we go. There was one day where we were driving, Sunset Boulevard is locked off at 6 p.m.

Oh, so we can drive a 1958 Maserati and do a fucking whip U-turn and pull up into the chateau and The car just won't start it just getting flooded out every time and he's got a snake up that tight drive Well, it is so high stakes if it were me AI would just be like I can't do this. Obviously we'll get a stunt driver I'll be in the chateau. We'll do a cowboy switch. I'll be on the floor Which and then if not just use AI And the cars just flooding the second time it floods I'd be on the floor. Cowboy switch, and then if not, just use AI. Whatever the fuck that means. And the car's just flooding.

The second time it floods, I'd be like, all right, I want to have a little meeting with everyone. This can't flood again or otherwise. I don't want to be hyperbolic, but I'm going to kill myself. And every time it would flood, Seth would just go, oh, boy, this thing doesn't work. What are we going to do? And it was just like, smoke of good nature.

So I was scared, but again, the knowledge of knowing that even if you fuck up, they're not gonna yell at you. In terms of the improv, it was interesting because I've worked with them a lot. They're very improv welcoming directors. They really love to hear what you have as long as it's in character and on story. Every line is not advancing the story,

I can assure you, no matter how much the boom operator laughed, it's not gonna be in the fucking thing. So they are very welcoming of it, but some scenes we would rehearse for hours and hours before we even started rolling. So that was kind of the time, once you're in it, it's like a play. You throw in a new line and that affects someone's cue,

you're gonna feel like a dick. Yes, because the choreography that's happening for these shots, which people might not realize, is there's like seven assistant directors with earpieces on cueing guy with the tray to walk through, cueing the light cue. If you fuck up one cue, it's dominoes, right? It's a huge thing.

Our DP, Adam, is just so active and running around. They built equipment that had never been used before for this, so the crane's flying in. If I ruin one of those takes, cause I'm like, oh yeah, what are you, Hawk to a girl? Like I try to like cram in like a reference. People are going to be like, fuck you. Yeah.

It's kind of good. It's like humbling in some ways for actors. It is. To quote Alan Partridge, surprise me in rehearsal. Ah, that's nice. It wasn't like a big improv manance, which I think was very good for this show, but they still let us kind of flex a little but it was great

Just a lot of the fun to was working with director like Ron Howard Yeah, like as an actor, you know Ron very well, and I have met him once before but when you're sitting in like a sprinter van With Ron Howard and he's looking at his lines Yeah, what I said to him we were shooting on Warner Brothers and I was like, have you ever shot here as an actor? He goes, yeah, I shot the music man here Oh right. He was the boy in the music man. Crazy. But that part I would imagine is fun because once Ron Howard has sides everything's neutralized. He's as nervous about remembering his lines as anyone else. Like status is evaporated. You didn't have anything with Ice Cube,

I now remember, did you? I shot with him the day after he came out on the Dodgers center field in Sang for the World Series. It was really cool. Years ago together, we did James Corden's show. And you know you do it together. For better or worse. For better or worse.

It has been worse for me. I walked out of Cube, I was very nervous to meet Cube. He's an intimidating guy. Intimidating guy and also I was obsessed with NWA. I was obsessed with Boys in the Hood. Friday's one of my all time favorite movies. The Predator's one of my all time favorite albums. Three Kings is one of my all time favorite movies.

Death Certificate? Death Certificate. Trespass, I saw Trespass in the theaters. I walked up to him and he was just like, oh what's up man, I seen you being funny and I was like. Yeah. Yeah. Thank God.

That's really good. I'm gonna go fuck off now. Luckily, I think he thought I was Donnie Wahlberg. Okay, great. I'll take it. If he thought I was Zach Braff, I can talk about scrubs. Oh yeah, Donald's a good friend.

Yeah, Donald Wahlberg. Donald Wahlberg is incredible. I've never heard of anyone better. Oh, he's amazing. Oh, have you come up to me? There is a movie called Rat Race. Remember Rat Race? Yes, Seth Green was in it.

Seth Green. There was a guy in that movie, I'm blanking out his name. We kinda look alike. The guy person that sang the song like this. R-Kindir, LNX, study character. Yes, yes, actually, if you look at the data, probably 5,000 times people have come up to me and been like, yo man, love Rat Race.

At first I was like, that's not me. But now I go, thank you. Yes. That's the thing to do. Same, I get Garden State compliments and I'm flattered to be associated with the film. Yeah, I love the shins, man. I found them, man.

Yeah. Yeah. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare. Now here's one bit of how the sauces was made that I'm curious about is there's this incredible episode called the war and you and chase go to war. How great is she by the way? She's incredible. Incredible. She's a CEO, creative executive.

So she's under you on this totem pole. We have this rivalry a little bit. You have a rivalry. Yeah. You're fucking each other over on the director you want for a project. And it's escalating, escalating, and then it gets physical.

And here's what I'm curious in the one-er. I'd be afraid, I'd wanna push and get crazy, and then I'd be afraid if it was too much. Because at the end of the day, you're an enormous man and she's a young woman. Was any of that stuff circling? I was like, oh man, they found the line just perfectly when it's crazy as it could get but didn't get scary at one point

Myself was like I'm yelling at her and she's such a good actor and she's crying But I think it's okay he's supposed to be a dick I usually play Bubbly and fun and comedy stupid my. My panches fell down, oops, I farted. Yes. To be really fucking like, I will fucking end your career. Yes. You fucking stupid little idiot. And you see in her eyes the hurt. You do feel like a shit head.

But it's real. But it's real and it's good. That happens. And they want that. I mean, your character, Sal Seberstein, he drives a yellow 911 convertible. Yes. He is a problematic guy, I would say.

He's snorting coke. We watched the first episode with my daughter. No, it was a Khaleesi. It was an even younger viewer we had involved. Oh great. We had a seven year old. And she's like, what did he just do? And I'm like, he did a drug, cocaine.

And she was really trying to figure out, did you pound it into your hand? The first time we did it, they had the real fake cocaine, which was I think baby laxative. They say it's all safe So I was snorting it after like three hours. I was like a shitty headache now Yeah, such your sinuses so then the next time they were doing it anti-apartheid guys like hey Do you want the real stuff or do you want to do is VFX? Oh my god? That was an option

Yeah, it's the same thing like wait you offer laughing gas So then there was a lot of VFX, but I think when we were doing some of the Vegas stuff, it was so crazy for the finales that I'm sure there was real powder flying around. Not real cocaine, but real fake powder. But it brought me back. Put it this way, I definitely had the same reflexive diarrhea.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. I remember one, if I would do a big line, and then I'd be like, oh my God, I could go, shit, I was so thrilled, I'm like, here we go. Oh yeah. And then like 13 minutes later, why did I do this? Five hours later, you're like, I'm so glad I did this.

And 24 years later, like, I need to change my life. Ew, do the bathrooms at clubs just stink? They are so gross. So many substances just being excreted. And everyone has diarrhea? A lot of diarrhea, hard drugs, especially back in the day. Yeah, I used to do XC all the time. Half the time it was half heroin,

half the time it was half meth. You didn't know what the hell was. You didn't know what it was, but you knew that whatever you ate was gonna come out very quickly. I just knew I was gonna be horny no matter what. Oh my god. Those compubs made their way into that. I just knew I was gonna be horny no matter what. Oh my god.

I know there were some people that were like yeah I don't have any sexuality on drugs and I'm like come here my male friend I'm gonna suck your tits. Yeah yeah yeah. You're gonna massage your hand until I'm erect. God damn it not anymore. If you and I knew each other in 2000

we would not be alive. That's possible. One of us would be- How are we gonna be married? Don't rule us out, no. Guys, I can't, I'm going over to Dak Shep. You know the guy from punk? Yeah, I got a big wrestling match with him. Yeah, we've been wrestling a lot.

No, no, we're not hooking up. And then years later, you're like, yeah, we just adopted another kid. Yeah, I've never been happier. Ike, I do adore you. This is number three. I hope there's like 10 happier. I do adore you. This is number three I hope this is like three guys who else is in the three club David Sedaris. I think we have five I know I gotta go write a bunch of great book

Possibly good books that I see this right. I love we had in that Malcolm's Malcolm Gladwell's up there. I'm the same Okay, that's a gimme sleep with her Seth Rogen did three Welcome Gladwell is up there. I'm the same as him. Kristin, of course. You're the same. Okay. That's a gimme. Sleep with her. Seth Rogen did three. Oh! You're tied with Romsky.

Boom, gotcha. But you've done a live show for us. That gives you an extra. Hey, can we just talk about that live show? That was one of the most fun live nights of my life. I'm so glad to hear you say that because I went and listened to it back before today and I was shook.

I urge everyone to go listen to that. It shouldn't be as good as it is. You were so on fire. You are a home run. It was so much fun. The Archer audience is the greatest fucking audience. Truly there's nothing better. There's nothing better than them and they came to that show. They were so tuned up. I remember before you guys brought me out, just like you guys, there's so much love there for you guys and what they do.

It's the greatest fan base. I'm so lucky love there for you guys And what they do fan base? I'm so lucky because I've touched into a lot of different fan bases and they're all so nice positive intelligent Yes, but can get dark humor. Yes like dirty jokes Like dirty jokes impossibly good group, so that was a party people should really listen Yeah, so if you talk about fucking through the sheet and you did Obama Obama fucking through the sheet. Obama fucking Michelle I remember that one. Secret service called me after that.

I don't even know if the sheet thing is real. It's not real. I think that whole thing was started from a Seinfeld episode. I think there's a lot of things that were like B stories and sitcoms and now people are like, yeah, no, that's true. I'm sure we did it on the fact check back then and we will have to do it again. We have to now. Yes. It'll be apologies to all of our it again. We have to now. Yes.

It'll be apologies to all of our Jewish friends. All right, I adore you. Thanks for coming. Everybody watch both Running Point, which is on now. On Netflix, go Aves. And then the studio, which is March 26th on Apple+. Apple+, go studio.

Well, you've got your dong in both of the big streamers, don't you? Oh my God. Look at you. I got a real garbage dick when it comes to working with people. With the good, with the powerhouse streamers. I'm setting up a deal this year where I fuck Amazon.

Get some of those pesos. Look at that. Look at that. La la la la la la la. Look at that. I was maybe gonna cut it, now I can't. You can't, it's in there. She was sharpening her scissors

as I brought up Jeff Bezos. I love you guys so much. Thank you guys for having me, I love you. Measletuff. I sure hope there weren't any mistakes in that episode, but we'll find out when my mom, Mrs. Monica, comes in and tells us what was wrong. Ike Barinholtz.

Got him, got him, got him up. Well, I was with Jojolette. Great. We were talking about Jackie Tone on Jeopardy. Oh, fine. Which then led to me, I tell everyone who will listen about Ike's. Big win. Incredible performance in the true Tournament of Champions. Yeah, really cool.

Won the quarterfinals, almost won the semis. Yeah, it's a big deal. Yeah, what a guy. Okay. You fell in love, do you wanna tell people? I have a big story. Yeah. Let's talk about you falling in love.

I need to wait. Yeah, he'll have his time. Yesterday was such a weird day for me. Okay. You know in television? Yes, I know television. You know about it, the industry? Yeah.

In television series, sometimes there's an episode called a bottle episode. It's an episode that's sort of a one-off episode in the middle of the series. Normally doesn't really take place in the same location. It has fewer of the like regular characters. It's sort of a one-off. It's a cost saving episode.

Exactly. Yeah. Yesterday was the bottle episode of my life. Oh, okay. I had a bottle episode. Okay, wow. Yesterday I had to, we had nothing, we weren't recording yesterday.

We had the day off yesterday. We had the day off, it was gonna be great. You know, I was gonna be great. Uh-huh. You know, I was gonna have time to edit and get ahead. Yeah, me too. I was gonna do research of Thursday's guests. Yeah. Nose to the-

Grindstone. Grindstone. And, but I did have one thing to do, which is go to Santa Monica. Ooh. For my face. Yes. Shout out again to Jen at Corrective Skincare. She's just for my face. Yes. Shout out again to Jen at Corrective Skincare. She's just changed my face.

I mean, really. She's really taken you to new places. She really is. I'm so grateful for her. Anyway, so I had to go to Santa Monica, but- Side question, sounds perverse, but I am sincere. Yeah. Like men's butt cheeks are not appealing.

They're like hairy and they just look terrible in general. Sometimes they're nice. And you see those ones on TV. Like if they're good enough, you'll be a star. Yeah. Do you think they could do butt, like really get your butt cheeks looking healthy and moisturized and like pink and appealing?

Yeah. If you cared about that, I'm sure. But it means your face is same as your butt. I guess the skin is skin. Skin is skin, but not really. Like the issues that you'd have on your face are probably different than the ones on your butt cheeks. I don't know which specific ones you're referring to.

Yeah, I don't wanna get into all the different things I wish were more attractive about my butt cheeks. But do you want like- Because what's happening is my butt is getting bigger, which has been my goal for 40 years through all the cycling. Yeah. And I look at it in the mirror and I'm like, great,

it has the shape I want, but I want it to look like a male model's nude butt. Like- Well, do you just wanna to get it waxed? I mean, I. You mentioned hair earlier, so I can only imagine. I don't, I mean, I don't, but I do, but I won't, yeah. Okay, well, I think first step would be that.

Yeah, and then see where we're at. And then some sort of serums and moisture. But just also, my butt cheeks have never been in the sun, or very minimally have they ever been in the sun. So they're the palest part of my body. I don't like that part. Let's just say there was no hair. Let's say there's no hair and it looks great

other than it's just stark white. Cause she may get brown. You want it. I don't think so. You could do self-tanner. On my butt cheeks? Yeah. If you really care.

Is there such thing as self-tanner or is it just a tint tinted moisturizer you're using? Or can you put a cream on that'll make the melanin come out? No. It's just a tint. It's a tint. I think, I mean, might help. I don't know.

God, I wish my butt cheeks were brown. Really do. I did for when in Rome, as I had so many revealing scenes and I was a male model, I was getting spray tanned the whole time I was in New York. And I scenes and I was a male model, I was getting spray tanned the whole time I was in New York. And I will say I was like, oh, I like that my butt is that color.

That's nice. You could get another spray, you could get back into spray tan. Yeah, look in the like OfferUp or one of these sites and buy it all up. They use decommissioned spray tanning booth so I can do it at home. It is very embarrassing to go.

Why don't you just also, you could sun tan them. Yes, I would love to. And this is one of my grievances about my life is that there's so many people in my house. There's never ever, and I'll get agitated. I'll be in my backyard and I think like, yeah, I have this beautiful backyard. I should be able to tan my butt cheeks.

No way. Dog walker walk in, Anna walk in, my sister walk in, oh, yikes. Do you wanna go to my house and do it? Yes, is that available? Yeah. Okay, great. You can do all my butt tanning. I mean, I might randomly come into my house.

Well, that's good. It's probably gonna be an issue. The chances are less. I guess when you go out of town, I'll do my ass tanning over there. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Sorry, I interrupted you.

So you're a face person. Yes, yes, she's the best. But normally we're- But. Normally. All circles back. Circles? Oh my God, circles.

Wrong features. So we normally are recording, so I have to go after we're recording, which means I have to do a whole thing, right? Like I plan the face appointment at 4.45 so that I can just stay in Santa Monica. Get a bite to eat. Exactly. Hopefully Molly's available.

And then she cancels, and then you don't wanna go and you say, I hate it. And I said, didn't you love it? I thought you were excited to go. Correct, a bite to eat. Exactly. Hopefully Molly's available. Hopefully. And then she cancels and then you don't wanna go and you say, I hate it. And I said, didn't you love it? I thought you were excited to go. Correct, that's what happens. And then sometimes every now and then you talk on the way home. Right.

So this time since we didn't have anything, I was like, oh, I can schedule it midday. And I can try to avoid some of this crazy traffic. So I scheduled it for 12, relaxing morning. Actually, I had a tiny bug. So I went to bed at eight the night before and I woke up at 10. God, am I jealous, 14 hours?

Yeah, I really needed it, I think. I still didn't feel that great when I woke up but better based on the sleep. But anyway, so I go to Santa Monica. What do your rooms smell like? Ew. Bug plus 14 hours. Don't say that.

Why couldn't it have smelled good? Maybe it did, maybe it smelled great. Maybe it's not even prettier in there after. You know one time Delta came over, we stopped by my house to get something when we were going shopping. And she came into my room and she said, oh, it smells like Monica in here.

I love this smell. Yeah, she would have loved it. Should have sent her over to wake you up. Anyway, so I go and drive there. It takes forever, but it's fine. It's fine. And face appointment goes great. I decide I'm gonna go.

This is an hour 15 minute drive, right? It's fine. Then I decide I'm gonna go to R&D kitchen afterwards. What a treat. Montana. Montana street. Drive there, sit at the bar, have my delicious chicken sandwich, have a cookie. Montana street. Drive there, sit at the bar, have my delicious chicken sandwich, have a cookie.

Oh, wow. Secret cookie. They have secret cookies there. And I don't know if I'm allowed to say that, sorry R&D, but that's what happened. Get back in the car. I'm like, okay, it's an hour, it's saying it's an hour and three minutes.

Uh-oh. I hate that place. I know, but okay, all right, it's fine. Start driving back. It's gonna be longer than an hour and three minutes, uh-oh. I hate that place. I know, but okay, all right, it's fine. Start driving back. It's gonna be longer than an hour and three, it's looking like, but I'm like, it's okay, I still have time, I'm gonna get my work done, it's okay. Everything's okay, don't panic. Yeah.

I'm on the highway, all of a sudden, the- Tire warning light comes on? The light comes on, it shows me which tire, and I was like, oh, maybe it's just like nothing, maybe just low air pressure. And then immediate, it is dropping so fast, and it hits zero. And I was like, I wonder if I can keep going.

I don't think it's smart. Let me pull over and see. So I got off in Culver City, still extremely far. I had not made it's smart. Let me pull over and see. So I got off in Culver City, still extremely far. I had not made it very far. Almost worse maybe. Now you're in that tangled web of traffic. Exactly. So I get off, I go into this parking lot

and luckily my dad had forced me over Christmas to buy this basically air pump. Oh. And it's really cool. It's digital, you like plug it in. over Christmas to buy this basically air pump. Oh. And it's really cool. It's digital. You like plug it in. It tells you what the pressure is and you can fill it up.

So it did say zero and I tried to fill it up and it could only get to five. So it was clear there was a big issue here. Big gash or big hole. Then I am really like, deflated, defeated. Defeated. I'm in fucking Culver City. Time is a ticking.

It's gonna get worse and worse and worse. Exactly. Traffic is just gonna get so bad. I don't really know what to do. Cause big grievance, cars don't have spare tires anymore. Right. I mean, you probably could have driven. Okay, but I couldn't have,

because I ended up having to move the car to another parking spot because this woman was mad at me. And then, and it was like so bad driving from one parking spot to the other. Okay. Cause these are drive flat tires. The idea, what's it called? Run flats.

Sorry, run flat tires. It's the idea is that you can go like 50 miles on low, whatever, but that's not true. I couldn't even go one parking spot over. Anyway, this was all horrible. I didn't know what to do. I texted you, I called you, you were on Kristen's set. And then you were texting me some places I could take the car, but I was like,

oh God, then I'm gonna be stuck in Culver City? Like this is a disaster. Luckily my dad forced me to get AAA. Actually he pays for it. I know it's really sweet. And so I called AAA and it says it's gonna be an hour. I was like, oh my God, I wanna die, you know? This free day was robbed from you, let's just say that.

Yes, but I'm also like, but I have to, like I have to get it, I gotta do work. What am I gonna do? And it says it's gonna be an hour away. And then it's not, it's only 15 minutes. Oh, wonderful. That's fantastic. Okay, turning around.

Yes, but the thing is we decide, you help me decide that the smartest thing to do is for us to tow the car to our area. To a tire shop. To a tire shop. To go see John at American. Yes, you know. Yeah, who I love.

You know and you love. And so I was like, God, I'm gonna be in this car with this stranger. I didn't even know they let you ride with the tow truck. Yeah, yeah. You can. You can? Yeah.

Wow, okay. Feeling like a big liability, but yeah. Right, but yeah. So I'm like, I'm gonna have to be in a car with this stranger for like an hour and a half. I wonder if you'd talk to him. Well, I'm gonna have to be in a car with this stranger for like an hour and a half. Well, I had already worried about that.

I was like, what if I talk to him? And then I have to pull out, like, what am I gonna do? Anyway, so this man comes to pick me up and he gets out of the truck and he's like, what happened? I was like, oh no, this is already a disaster. And I was like, well, he was like, did you hit something? I said, I, maybe, I don't know, probably. Well, no, it was more like, I don't know.

What happened, sir? I don't even know how I drive this thing. I am just a little girl. And then he said, okay. And he, you know, puts it up there and I get in his car. And then I share my location with Jess, because I was like, this is uncomf. I'm about to be in a, that's scary to me,

being in a car with a stranger friend. I was very skeptical. Okay. Even if they're working for a- I know, but you just never know. And so then he starts talking immediately, he's chatty. Well, first he says, how long do you have to wait? I said, oh, not long at all.

Oh, good. And then he like goes into a very long spiel about, sometimes people have to wait hours. It's not his fault. It's because the line didn't train, he didn't get the call. And then his son calls, he takes the call with the son. He then tells him.

He's 70, you say? He's around, I would guess 70 I learned. Although he's black, so he could have been 90. Correct. Right, because they age so much better. Yeah, but his son is like 30. Okay, so yeah, okay, maybe 65. I'm not sure.

So he then tells me about his son and he's worried about his son, but he's doing good, but he's worried, he does have some mental health problems. And then we talk the whole ride. He's going three miles an hour. Okay, sure. So he's concentrating on the chat.

A little bit, and I did think, oh my God, because the shop closed at five, this was around three. And I was like, I don't know that we're even gonna make it. So, you know, I'm having a lot of this turmoil of, like, I just don't wanna be here. We can't control any of the things. Yes, I don't wanna be here. I'm stuck here.

This is fucking sucks. My day is ruined. Terrible free day. Yep. And then I'm like, I gotta like start doing email or talking to someone. And then he says, his name is Ted. Yeah.

Says, you know, kind of kids these days are really addicted to their phones and he'll have a lot of people on that are just, you know, they're addicted to their phones. And so I was like. Oh God, yeah, he judo'd you. Yeah, I was like, I can't, I need to be present here. And then he said some really sweet stuff about,

he likes being the part of people's day. Like it's, you know, their day has gone bad. And he likes to- He's the solution. Yeah, he likes to help people. And then I was like, you know what? I'm just gonna be present for Ted. Not gonna answer the phone.

Then we talked the whole way. Yeah, and then he was so- He really liked it. So, so nice and kind and sweet and lovely. And it was a bottle episode. It mostly took place in the car, very cheap to shoot. Yeah, exactly, exactly. And yeah, he told me all these sweet stories

about his life and I just really, really enjoyed him. Say what he said he asked you if you were. Well, first he said, first he looked at me and he said, you're Filipino. Yep. Yeah, and I said, no, no, I'm not Indian. He said, I knew that, I know that. See, this is where I'm jealous of people that are minorities because you're free to guess.

Yeah, I wasn't offended. Exactly, because he's black. You're like, great. Yeah. And he was so good hearted. Yes. Oh my Monica Yeah, you are you are you are you are But anyway, he he said let me see if I can see Filipino I can see you Rob. Yeah, I can see it a little bit. You can can you Rob? Yeah, I can see it a little bit. You can? Yeah. Well. Oh wow.

Yeah, Filipinos have uncharacteristically big round eyes for Asians. Sure. Right Rob? Yep. Yeah, we can say that. Okay. Yep.

Because Rob is part- There should be an AI. If people forget Rob is part Filipino according to him. He's 25% Filipino. My wife is half Filipino and her family's all Filipinos. Yeah, so you're dialed in. So you decided you are also the-

He's our resident expert on Filipinos. Yeah, so anyway, he had, he thought I was Filipino. I said, no, Indy. And he said, no, I knew that, I knew that. He was really upset with himself that he had messed that up. But then he said, yeah, but like, kind of like you could be anything.

I was like, yeah, I could be anything, you know? And then- Couldn't we all? So he told me all these sweet stories and about blessings and, you know- Stuff you knew about India or? No, just in general blessings in life. And he gave his step granddaughter who calls him his dad.

He's very close to her. She was moving from elementary school to middle school and she needed new clothes. And so she asked her dad for these, for money. Her grandpa dad. And he was like, ah, I didn't know what to do because I only had $250 in my bank account. I wasn't doing very well then, but I gave her $200.

I was like, oh, damn. Yeah, now you're like, I'm a terrible person. Yeah. I thought, oh, like when he was telling me this story, I really thought the world did this today. Right. The world made me stop and have a real conversation with a real person

living a real life. Got real challenges. Real challenges and is also like so beautiful. Positive. Has this great optimistic view on life. And here I am like, I can't go do my edit. Like so fucking dumb. And, and.

My free day's ruined. Yeah. All I got was chicken sandwich. And this facial. Yeah. So yeah, he, it was like, I, I was supposed to. He was a perspective. I was supposed to meet Ted.

I really was supposed to meet Ted. But he also go ahead, I wanna hear about the romantic stuff. Okay, hold on, but I'm not done. Okay. So he, he said, hold on, but I'm not done. So he said, but it was a blessing. It was, he couldn't believe it because the next day, also there's a lot of in between parts of the story, a woman he was seeing at the time ended up taking

the grandbaby shopping because he didn't go, he didn't want to go. He asked the mom if the new girlfriend could go, and then turns out she needed a bra, so he was glad he didn't go. Yeah, that's best fun. Yeah, we were all happy for Ted that he didn't have to go endure that.

And then the next day, an old friend calls, just catching up, and then the old friend says, "'Oh, hey, man, you know what? "'I owe you $200.'" He was like, I was shocked because I'd just given this money and then I got it back. And it was a beautiful story. Anyway, had a great, great hour and a half long ride with Ted.

I succumbed to the situation. I was like, you know what? Here I am. You surrendered. Correct. I surrendered. I succumbed. I accepted. You succ. Correct, I surrendered. I succamed. I accepted.

You succamed? I think that's a word you can say. So then, you know, oh, at one point he says, you look 25, but because we had talked about my parents, you know, we know each other so well now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. So he knew my parents' ages. So he said, you look 25, but you're what?

Probably, and then you're like, maybe you're 35. And I said, I'm 37. And he said, wow, yeah, wow. And then by then when we were pulling up, I am glad this happened at the end. We were pulling up to John, John Shop. And he said, do you have kids? And I said, no, I don't.

And he said, oh man, no, you gotta have kids. You gotta have a girl that looks just like you. And I was like, that's really sweet, Ted, thank you. And he said, but you have a husband. And I said, no, I don't have a husband. And then he almost drove the truck off the road. He really was surprised by that. And he said, well, then everyone's dumb or blind.

There we go, Ted. Which was very, very, very nice. And I said, well, that's sweet. But I was like, well, part of it's me. Oh, good, you took a little ownership over this. Yeah, I said, well, I work hard and I'm busy and I don't really date that much. And then he said, I said, well, I work hard and I'm busy and I don't really date that much. And then he said, I said, so, you know, part of that's me.

He said, well, are you tough? And I was like, yeah, I'm tough and I have high expectations. And I said, and also- What have you said? Do you not clean house? Is that- No, he was very progressive. As you're about to hear, I said, well, you know,

also a lot of men are threatened by accomplished women. He said, I've been hearing this. I've been hearing this and I really don't understand it. I don't understand why if you couldn't be with the smart woman, why wouldn't you be with the smart woman? Yeah, right.

Yeah. So he gave me his phone number and he said, maybe we could go to lunch. Yeah. And he said, maybe we could go to lunch. Yeah. And he said, and he said, we could maybe go to lunch sometime. He's like, oh my God. He wasn't asking me out.

He wasn't asking me out. He just wants to maybe, we could develop some sort of relationship where we go to lunch. And I said, yeah, absolutely. And then I gave him a tip. Okay, great. And he was, he like, you know, took the money

and he said, I'm gonna save a lot of this for our lunch. Oh, I love him. I love him. I love him. He's the nicest person I've ever met. Yeah. I think when I told Jess story, he said, this is when you like, you do the review

and you're like, Ted was great. And they say, Ted's been dead for eight years. So. Ted stopped driving for us in 06 when he passed. I know. He's like a ghost. He's a ghost angel. Yeah, a ghost angel.

It was a beautiful experience. Yeah, I just love it. And I was really grateful for it. Good. And I needed it. I needed it. Yeah, you learned a lesson by the end of the bottle it. I needed it. I needed it. You learned a lesson by the end of the bottle episode.

You always do. You gotta learn a lesson. You forget it the next episode, but you do learn it. Oh yeah, this morning I woke up and I was like, fuck, I didn't do anything I was supposed to do. I'm not Filipino, you racist motherfucker. I know.

So yeah, and I decided to give in to the rest of the day. I didn't do any of the things I was supposed to do. I didn't answer any emails. I don't know why I thought of this. Maybe because this story is so sweet and then I just naturally have to think of something terrible. Go ahead. What if he had said, he's talking about the, so I sent my girlfriend to go take her shopping

and that worked out. But unfortunately we broke up. She said my penis was too big for her. Ted would never say that. Ted would never say that. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare. I wonder if anyone's ever said they broke up with someone though because their partner just thought they're peeing. I'm sure it's happened.

Well, I think it really has happened now, whether you would say that or not. Well, I'm not going to give too many details, but I do know a tangential story of someone who spoke of their ex-boyfriend and said, his dick was too big. He had such a big dick. Yeah, I've heard that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's up for everyone. I think I'm gonna say too big is worse than too small.

Well, yeah, if it's painful. Exactly, yeah. Yeah, that's a part of not best in show, but waiting for a Guffman. Oh, I love that. Where he had to get penis reduction surgery. I don't remember that. Yeah, yeah. I should re remember that. Yeah, yeah.

I should rewatch that. Anyway, let's not mire this sweet story about Ted. He didn't say anything like that, and he was a beautiful man, and I'm grateful I met him. I guess my only update is I had a first date that went really, really well. Wait, because I wanna hear all about this, so real quick, I do wanna just say publicly,

I just wanna thank you for helping me. Oh, my pleasure. Because you did help me a lot. It's rare I feel very helpful. Your interests are not things I can generally help with. Yeah, like what jeans to buy and stuff? Yeah, like, oh my God, they didn't have the sweater. Don't you know a guy?

I don't, right? I don't know anything about any of that. Yeah. But yes, if you have a tire problem, like on it, here's three places to buy you. Here's my guy John. I text John, this car's coming, so get this tire already ordered.

That's why it's perfect because I don't need you for jeans. I have my own expertise there. But when I'm sitting in the parking lot of a Sprouts in Culver City and I'm like, I guess I live here now. Is that where you go inside and get some Ted Segers? Fuck.

Should have went in and killed a couple cans of Ted Segers. When I think like, I guess I live here now in this parking lot. Yeah, right, right, this is my new reality. Then it is very helpful to have someone who knows how to help get me out of there. Oh, my pleasure. I appreciate it.

I wish you had more flat tires, not for you, but for my usefulness to you. I only need one Ted experience like once every 10 years. Okay, all right. I'll hear from you again in 2035. Anyway, so you had a great date. I had a date, yeah, a Sunday date, which is a very fun day to have a date. And my date was Walton.

Walton Goggins. Walton Goggins, goggle glasses, Uncle Billy's Ball Bungers. And he had worked like 90 hours that week. You know, he's shooting Fallout. It was a real show to shoot. I mean, he's in makeup for hours. He's on cables.

Yeah. So I think the mood was right. Like, I think he was just so grateful to have a fucking day off. And to chill, and fucking day off and to chill and to sauna and to hot tub. And you never know how these first dates are gonna go. Yeah.

And it was just really fun. But then we got in a zone in the hot tub. I bet we were in the hot tub together for an hour and a half. Just really- Shriveled up. Digging in, yeah. Yeah. Pruned up. Yeah, it was just really wonderful. We have so many similar vibey things.

So I think that's my full update on life. I had a really fun date and I look forward to more. And then I found out last night while we were texting that we both worship Wyl and Jennings. It's just really going well. Did you, you should watch his architectural digest. There's a video of it? Yes, they do video, they do house tours of cool houses.

I saw pictures of the architectural digest thing, the house in Hudson Valley. There's a video. It's gorgeous. It's gorgeous. He's so neat. He's like been obsessed, I learned on Sunday. Like he used to just, when he was a broke actor,

he spent almost all of his free time in these furniture stores of these really fancy furnitures and different like home decor places. And he just spent a bunch of time there and they'd say to him like, this is your like 10th time in here. He's like, yeah, yeah, I can't afford to buy anything, but I just love this stuff.

And then a couple of really beautiful things where the one dude was like, well, how much you have in your pocket? And sold them something for crazy cheap. Oh, really? Yeah, so he's so genuinely. I used to go to lots of home stores before I could afford it, no one offered me any.

You gotta go 30 days in a row, and then they gotta wanna get rid of you. And like, what is it in here you could walk out with and then I wanna see you again? I never come back. Oh, how sweet. Yeah, he has great taste. Oh, yeah. Fantastic taste. he has great taste. Oh yeah.

Fantastic taste. Yeah, what a stylish dude. Did you notice what's behind you, Monica? Oh shit, yeah. Okay, Rob has an update. Oh. He went back to the coffee shop. They only had one left.

Oh, he went back to the coffee shop and he got this merch that says Atelier BF. Vincent was with me and thought it was for him. Oh no. And kept asking him when he gets his present. Rob. This happened before with us, Rob, did it? Yes, it's very similar.

Oh, it was when we were at the Descanso Gardens. Calvin was there. He bought something or my girls bought something and they gave it to- Oh, it was a lollipop and he gave it to Calvin. He offered it to me. And then you had to go rebuy it, right? Calvin, I told him he could get one thing

from the gift shop. He got a lollipop and he gave it to Monica. Yeah. Right, I knew I remembered it. And then you had to sneak back in and get another? Your kids are the sweetest. They are. It is really.

I feel bad that we aren't giving this to Vinny. He has a million stuffies. So if it weren't for that, I'd give him it. It's good for our spoiled kids to not get something every now and then. But wow, a Tilly-A best friend. And what is this? I think it's a like Sasquatch.

The box says. Oh, okay. Oh, I keep holding up to me because I'm getting something. I'm really getting something. Like one of three best friends. Oh, oh, we can collect? Oh, I know what it looks like.

It looks like Alf. Turn it around and stare at the nose. It really is Alf-adjacent. This is Mocha. It says Barista, Mocha and designer fluffy boy and Brown are long time best friends. Oh, that's nice. Brown.

So maybe, okay, Rob is Mocha, you're fluffy boy and I'm Brown. Oh, wonderful. Wow, that's really cute. You're both Filipino. And then still over here as a Caucasoid. Boring old Caucasoid. Anywho, well. Maybe one of my daughters will marry someone.

And then you'll. And then that'll make me 12% or whatever. Yeah. All right, well, we're a little bit on a time crunch. I did do a, yeah, we'll save that for next time. No, we'll save it for next time. No, we'll save it for next time. Okay, so this is for Ike. We just love Ike so much.

Now you said there's a saying 10 feet tall and something. There's a, and then you said, and bulletproof question mark. There's a song called 10 feet tall and bulletproof. It's by Travis Tritt, 1994. There's also a ding ding ding quote from Eastbound and Down, 10 feet tall and strong as an ox. Nice, kind of a hybrid.

Yeah. Richest man in Mexico, Carlos Slim. Still? Yeah. His wealth is fluctuating. That reminds me. Oh, you wanna do a crypto? A Bitcoin? Yep. Boy, you want to do a crypto?

A Bitcoin? Yep. Boy, I wonder what it's at. Cost of Bitcoin to 85,675. That's a little lower or had it gone, what was the nadir of it so far? I don't remember, well, I don't remember the lowest it's gone so far, but it's been declining. Yeah. Okay, now what is EBITDA? EBITDA.

A company's earnings before interest, taxes, depreciation and amortization. That's a hard word for me, amortization. Amortization? Yeah, I don't know. I like to say amortized. Oh, that reminds me, I went to Lauren Graham's birthday party. Oh!

And her father was there who we spoke about a bunch, right? Yeah. Who learned Vietnamese when he was in college and went over to Vietnam. Uh-huh. And I was having to explain this to numerous people I was sitting with and I kept saying it wrong and I thought,

God, this is so rough for him because he speaks it. Yeah, and it'd be like if you were around me and you kept calling it Imdian. Yeah, it'd be offensive. And I try my hardest. One neat thing he taught me about Vietnamese is that you can say the same five words.

Like they're the same five words, but it's your tone that changes the word dramatically. So you could say the same sentence, but if you don't have the tone, and then it kind of explain when I'm listening to them speak, it does sound really kind of all over the map tonally. Oh, interesting. And that's because that's how they're changing

the meaning of the word. That's so cool. Yeah. I like that. He gave some great examples of like the same sentence means this if you're up here and then it means this if you're down here. Oh, nice.

Okay, is progeria when you're aging really quickly? Yes. Rare genetic disorder that causes premature aging in children. I hate that disease. I know. Who was the other person in Jeopardy! semifinals with Ike? There was Ben Chan and then Jared Watson.

He was the other one. Okay, Jared Watson. By the way, Jackie beat Neil deGrasse Tyson. Stop! I'm so proud of Jackie. That's awesome. Yeah! He said 1995 Bill Clinton signed National Hugs Act.

That was a joke. That's not real. It's not real. Okay. And I'm sad about it. Yeah. I wish it was real. Although an excuse for a lot of unwanted hugs,

if it's a national. People are like, I'm so sorry, I just gotta do this. You're right. Honk, honk, honk, aruga, aruga. Oh yeah, get it. Tune in tokyo, National Hugs. Yep. I guess we did dodge a bullet there.

Okay, did Marilyn Manson- You did, not me. Well, I don't think you would like some person coming up to you randomly going, Honk honk, tune in Tokyo. Aruga. Oh yeah, yeah that was. If they throw an Aruga my way,

I might be able to deal with it. Okay, did Marilyn Manson take his ribs out so he could suck his own dick? No. Do you hear you say it that way? He didn't do it. He didn't do it that way. Yeah.

It turns out he could suck his own dick with all of his ribs in place. Yeah, he didn't need to remove any. What a bizarre urban legend. Did Bruce Springsteen kiss Clarence Clements? Oh! Yes. They did!

They kissed many times. Oh, they kissed all the time. At the end of the song, Thunder Road. Clarence said that it just happened spontaneously the first time because Bruce was kneeling down by him. They loved each other like brothers and it just seemed natural. Then I guess they made it into a thing.

Okay, he talked about eating a gigantic sandwich. Right, during the writer's sessions with Mindy and Babe. The way he was talking about that sandwich. He can sell it. I wanted way he was talking about that sandwich, I wanted it so bad and then I ate, I got a gigantic sandwich immediately after he left. A Dagwood? No, it was turkey.

What's a Dagwood? Yeah, you should look it up, but it's just an enormous sandwich. My grandmother used to say, you do want a Dagwood, and it was just like, it would be seven inches tall with like lettuce and tomato and this and that.

Tall, multi-layer sandwich made with a variety of meats, cheeses and condiments. But is it different than a sub? It's taller with just like regular, more vertical. White bread. Like the house is on the border of Kentucky and Cincinnati. I mean, I don't think the bread matters,

but like a typical loaf. Oh, interesting. Okay. Anyway, I think he could sell sandwiches like as a second career. Yeah, he could do anything. Just by Anyway, I think he could sell sandwiches, like, as a second career. Yeah, he could do anything. Just by saying, I ate a sandwich, like, it... Pfft. Really got me. Okay, who's the rat race actor who looks like Ike? His name is Vince V. Louf.

Vince V. Louf. V-I-E-L-U-F. Is fucking through a sheet... Hot? Well, that is no question, yes. TBD. But no, is it a thing in the Hasidic Jewish community? No.

Let's just put that to rest. Yeah. It's not. Let's bring it up in five months again. Yeah, we will. With a different guest. And then Mezel Tov, you say at the end of the episode, that's like old callback.

You used to say it all the time. Our early listeners will remember it well. Yeah. Back when I was on Twitter still. You weren't saying it because measles had an outbreak. It was an old callback. That's it. That was everything.

Okay. Let me shout it from the rooftops. I love Ike Barron. I think he might be the perfect person. He's a great person. Cause he does, he's kind of like, remember when Jonah Nolan rolled up and you're like, this guy's a genius?

Same with Ike, that's so- Mixed Messies. I love that. We love Mixed Messies. Yeah. All right, love you. Love you. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining

Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.