Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Jake Johnson Returns Again

Episode Date: December 8, 2025

Jake Johnson (We’re Here to Help, The Dink, New Girl) is an actor, writer, and podcast host. Jake returns to the Armchair Expert to discuss why anything that can still evoke fading old school Hollywood is special, how everything feeling like a black box theater has him falling in love with acting again, and focusing on playing the game his way while he’s here. Jake and Dax talk about letting go of control to be present in his movie The Dink, why he strategizes his workflow to stay ahead of the darkness, and how he tries to re-engineer doing this business out of love. Jake explains building up better after the loss of a close friend, finding someone a kidney through his podcast We’re Here to Help, and the terrifying, thrilling process of performing scenes with Tom Cruise.Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and add free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Shepard and I'm joined by Lily Padman. Hi. Hi, we have our friend on. Yes.

Our returning, always gold. Always gold, never silver. You need a guy to come in and score the winning game point, the buzzer beater, Jake Johnson's your man. Yes. Jane Johnson, an actor and a podcaster, new girl, Spider-Man into the Spider-Verse, let's-be cop, self-reliance tag, and his podcast, which is hysterical. Everyone should listen.

We're here to help. I'm jealous of their show because they get to give terrible advice, and that's really the dream. It's not really the dream. You say you don't like giving advice, but you do like it, and you like giving real advice. Well, but also I want to be able to go like, you just tell the person to fuck off. That's the kind of advice they sometimes get to, you know, they're liberated to do it. Yes, yeah, they have a different brand. Yeah, and I just don't think it's, you know, I understand.

You want to watch a movie with a bad guy. I'm like, oh, I want to play a bad guy. Yeah. He's a bad guy, a really rough guy. Oh. Billy Islandish. Yeah. Okay, please enjoy Jake Johnson.

Thank you to our presenting sponsor, Audible, for supporting this episode. But Armcherry's Audible's Best of 2025 collection is here. The year's top audiobooks, podcasts, and originals across every genre. Their editors spent countless hours listening and debating to handpick this year's must-listens. If you want to finish the year with something you know is going to hit, check out Audible's Best of 2025 and discover why there's more to imagine when you listen. Go to Audible.com slash best of 2025.

He's an alternative's fun How's it going? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? Oh, boys will be boys. I'm good, how are you?

It really has. I'm missing our hikes. That might be our longest break between hikes. and I don't like it. Oh, no. We'll get back in. Have you been hiking? No.

You haven't. That's comforting to me. Yes. Like if I found out you were there three times a week. I come right here. I do the same walk. Park directly in front of my house. He replaced you?

No. An old jihitsu guy, we've been doing workouts in my garage. And I'm in like a really nice system. Okay. What's the routine? How many times a week does he come over? We're doing about five days right now. Wow.

Which is the most I've ever done. That's a lot. It's just the two of you. Just the two of us. And you're going. garage. In my garage. Okay. What's the heating cooling sitch? Does it get a little hot in the summer? I got a big industrial fan. Swamp cooler. Fuck yeah. Let's go. That's what you need. It's a Midwest basement vibe. Oh, I love it. That's the aesthetic of it. It's just throwing up weights,

blasting music. Do you feel bad for everyone who grew up around the country without basements? The best. It's like the one area your parents aren't really claiming. You pretty much do whatever the fuck you want. I love a basement. I love a basement. You always had one, Monty? My first house didn't have one, but it was coveted. Okay. We needed one. We did end up with one.

And my new house kind of has a basement. That's cool. As does both houses I've owned in L.A. have suspiciously had basements. You ever? Oh, no. I need a basement. How bad would you like one? We're kind of looking.

You are. Yeah, we've been looking around for a new place. And one of the basements, one of the primaries, well, honestly, because my daughters are 12 now. And I want them in junior high school to be home. And right now when they're home, as Dax knows, got a big personality. There's a lot of me in the house. Where are you guys going? What are you doing?

What's happening? What are we getting into? What are you doing? Yeah. They're in their room together just, what's up guys? Fucking triplets. And if they're having a sleepover, I'm starting to realize they might not want me around, which is heartbreaking in its own sense, but go in the basement.

Yeah. Do your thing. Have fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be upstairs. Yeah, that's perfect. That's what I want. Otherwise, they're going to go to these crazy parties. Our friend's kid went to a party on Halloween. You know, now you pay to go to these parties. You pay like $25. What do you pay to go to a party? You pay. And then the whole city goes to these parties. All organized on Instagram and TikTok. Oh, really? Yes. And then you buy a ticket and then you go to these parties. And then this one was on the news. Yeah, there were several thousand kids who showed up. Presumably someone rented like an Airbnb. Mm-hmm. So you've bought a ticket to the backyard.

Okay. Nobody can get in, but everyone paid. Crazy. I don't know why you and I aren't hosting. What a hustle. I've told you the story of what my Uncle Eddie did to me when I was a kid. My Uncle Eddie had legal trouble and he came to live with us for a little bit. I love your Uncle Eddie.

Well, yeah. He said, he's a good man. He was a great man. That's the one that you did the fantasy football. Well, that was the same hustle. Also sold signage. Yes. He was like a craftsman of sorts.

But that's the same move. You pretend you're throwing a party. You get an Airbnb. You invite everybody in the last second. You go, the fucking cop shot at a ton. Oh, yeah. You guys are mad? Yeah.

We're mad. Dax and I are inside going. We were in cuts for a half hour. I got beat up by a cop. I'm the maddest one here. I have a fur jacket, but I'm the maddest one here. We could slug each other a little bit so we had some proof. Each get punched in the face once for that.

For 30K all day. I do wonder how this works. because there's got to be an adult at the top of this. Oh, we're seeing it. Yeah, and then aren't they worried about liability and suing? I don't know that there's an adult at the top. Nobody's making that decision. How are they?

There were kids in my school running pretty complex systems. Airbnb? Well, I had a classmate that was a pimp. I don't know how. In high school? He has in high school. What was his security of the women? He had a group of three gals.

High school girls? Yeah. I don't know how to, I'm going to leave out the description of them, but they were excited to have sexual activity. Please describe them a little. Well, I think you can fill in the white. They needed a little heat. Yeah, they wanted a little heat. What an amazing problem.

They had like frizzy hair or like. No, stop. Come on. Pryzy hair ain't going to stop. That doesn't get you into prostitution in high school. You interested in hugging up? I would, but your hair is frizzy. Your body's slamming, but your hair.

No man has ever passed. Because of a little frizz. Okay, I feel like I was passed on for frizzy hair. You don't know. A little frizzy and what you're talking about might be two different animals. Yeah, how fucking frizzy was your hair? You're like, fool, friends. There's no way with your blamper's that you're, you know how frizzy your hair would have to.

I think you had to imagine this whole fact. People overlooked the blamper. Yes, they did. They did overlook them. You overlooked people looking is my hunch. Interesting. What do you think, Jay? Like, young girl in high school, big blamper.

What the hell's a blamper? I think you know what a blamper's are. A breast. Oh. A breast? You had big breasts? Yeah. See, he doesn't even know that I was killed him.

Well, I guess he's proving your point. Exactly. You're not aware of the fact that Monica has big blamper. I can't now. Robert already told me there's cameras everywhere. All I need is that slow motion shot. It's like the guys at the Laker games. Those women when like they'll be seen Kobe and you see someone going,

You're like, don't have those eyes be that. Go straight down. Blamper's our boobs. I continue to have big blamper's, and I had them then. This is a baggy sweater, so I don't expect you to. You hide the blamper's. There's a time for blamper's, and there's a time to stow the blamper. For sure.

But it's like a gun. It's nice to have if you need it. Yeah, that's right. I got blamper's from New Zealand. When Seth and I were making without a paddle there, I don't know how we had both discovered in the grocery stores, all the tabloids, they called boobs blamper's. Weird. Like they're blamper's and there's something else.

Okay, now we need to go back to the prostitution. Yeah. And you know of this friend. He had three gals who loved physical intimacy and we're down to show up anywhere and get physical and everyone claims that they were quite happy with the arrangement. Crazy. Yeah. Can I give you a crazy pitch?

Yeah, yeah. Bring them on the show. All four of them, the three of them and him. You know, he's a normal man with a family now. I'm sure they are, too. Let's hope. Pixelate their faces. I would love.

I wonder how they think about it now. Or they had fun. They might have had fun and still now think of it as like, huh. That wasn't the best. Yeah. That wasn't the best decision I ever made. That's a great topic because I read Scher's biography. She writes in her memoir about being a teenager and fucking Orrin Bady who almost

hit her with a car. And she loves it. None of these stories are told in the framing of any victimization. It's all touchdowns. And I'm like, it's so interesting to read a book from somebody said in such a different time who has that relationship with it. Who has anyone to say what is right or wrong in some weird way? Yeah. Yeah. I'll tell you what I love is, and Eddie Murphy's dock did it too. And I feel like that old Hollywood is starting to really fade. And what used to be our business is fading. The thing we got into is fading. So anytime you can touch that still,

where it's like, that shit is still really cool. Yeah. It's still really special. It's still really old school. Man, that's the good stuff. That's the stuff that I still love.

Aren't they going to say that about this gen too at some point? Yeah. So I love both worlds. My career started with YouTube stuff, with drunk history. So I was part of the change, but I also could do a commercial back in the day and make $70,000 and quit my

catering job. Same. I loved that. Everybody used to come off for pilot season. Every actor had the same story forever. Now there's just new ways to do it, which is also cool. But anytime you get to taste that old world, Mary Steenberg and I did a movie, she was talking about when she was coming up. And I was like, that reminded me of when I was coming up, but that's not going to be the

stories. If my kids are into this, that thing is gone. It's quicksand. Yeah, it's really easy to kind of lament it going away or it's passing. but I have really tried to focus more on like, oh, no, you got to. Totally. Like, let's be cops might be the last successful action. Yeah.

Or at least one of the last. So you can be bummed, they're gone, or you go like, oh, fuck, yeah, I got to do movies where tens of millions of people went and saw it and they quoted lines from it. It's true. But I will tell you in terms of the new world, which I love. I love being able to work and having it be a little bit more anonymous. So back then, you did something. Everybody watched everything.

So your moves really matter. I remember being like, man, if you make a wrong move, you could ruin the whole pyramid you've been building. Yeah. Now, I can go off and do a show as like the second or third lead. I could do multiple years on it and you guys could go, what are you working on? And I'm getting better as an actor. I'm experimenting.

I'm loving it. And nobody's seeing it besides the people who are seeing it. Who like it. Who like it. It's not what the game used to be. It feels more like a version of Black Box Theater everywhere. I'm loving acting again. Just taking kids.

I know we haven't talked in a little bit, but like gigging out. I didn't text you, though, not terribly long ago, because I saw you in a trailer for something. And I said to you, I know you've got your whole game plan with life, but it is a little frustrating. Wait, you don't remember this? Yeah, I do. You're a phenomenal actor and you're really enjoyable to watch. And people want you to be the lead of things and be a star. And I know you've got your zone that you feel good in.

I love the zone. It is one of my things I wanted to get to because. I do think, Jake and I take these hikes and they're so, so fun. So fun. I love them. They're the greatest. You mean a lot to me, Dex. Me too. You really do.

But we have a similar thing, and I'm curious how much you think about it, which is like, I'm here to do my way. That's kind of the pride I get. It's like, yeah, I actually did this exactly how I wanted to. This being your whole life, the career. I'm on this rock for hopefully 90 years. What'd you do while you were here? Was it interested? Going back to the first time you see any idea of like Carpe Diem and seize the day,

make your life extraordinary. What did you do while you were here? I don't want to play anybody else's game while I'm here. I want to play my game while I'm here. And that thing changes a lot. And do you want it to be very unique? I don't care about that. No.

I want it to be very personal. I always need it to feel right. And it's hard because I'm not always in touch with my feelings. So at times you go like, that was a weird six months. That one's on me. Yeah, okay. But it's got to feel right. But would you say we both run the risk of we can create a good sales pitch, right?

We're both the sons of car salesmen specifically, which I would say is Apex salesman. In another world, we're those guys. Sure, sure, sure. There's another world where we met each other in the Midwest, became friends. Started a furniture store together. Did something very different. It went like, it's a lot of fun. Yeah, the amount of fun we could have with those big weekend outdoor sales, man.

Sales, like a mattress warehouse with the purgy lunch is full of furniture, you'll take. take home to your house, but you don't care at that point. The last second deal. Throwing Taco Bell over the side of it. Did you ever go to one of those, Monica? The furniture store would take over the parking lot. On the weekend, you'd come and there's popcorn and some of the music. You're just trying to get rid of everything.

No, but it sounds cute. But it's funny to see all the furniture is in the parking lot. Anyhow, I think we're good enough salespeople that I latch on to this version. I'm committed to, here's my story about this, and it involves what I think about the business. and then I share it with people. And because I think I'm an enthusiastic conveyor of the story, it looks like a lot of sign-offs. Yeah.

Like a lot of people are agreeing, but maybe they're just hearing a good story. Could be true. It could be a little bit misleading to both of us. Yes. But do you think that sometimes this story really is a lot of self-protection? We've bailed out of certain opportunities. Pass a lot of good stuff.

Yes. And we have an overarching approach and explanation for this. It's like this isn't in keeping. with the way I want my life to go. But maybe it's about other things to. Fear. Yeah, but here's where I think it's different for me. I don't know if this is the same for you.

This might be a dividing thing. Last night, I took my kids and my wife and I, we went to the Glendale Gallery Amall, the outdoor one, Americana. I wasn't recognized once. Okay, congratulations. I didn't even do the weird glasses. When I was in the cars at night, I was like, we're going to do the snow and the fountain.

Should I just put the glasses? I was like, I don't want to be the glasses guy. Okay. I was like, I hate being that guy. Yeah. It was so nice. Uh-huh. I've also been working more recently than I've worked in a while.

We were talking a lot when we were both like, are we done? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I did dink, and I loved it. Then I did the movie with Joe in Alaska. What's that? Dakota Fanning and I, who, by the way, I got to give a shout out to Dakota Fanning. Blampers? Giant Blampers.

Huge fan of this show. Oh, my God. You need to have her on. Wait, I love. She is such a killer. Listen, we want to have her on. And I think we've even reached out and asked. She is the best.

She is. And shocked to me how cool. What is she doing at 5 p.m.? Seriously. I'll give you her number today. Why don't you text her right now? We would love to talk to her. She is in that show right now, too.

That's great. That's great. Which show? All her fault. Yes. So Dakota and I did another Joe Swamberg movie that Joe and I financed, put together in Alaska, fell in love with it. Then I took a job.

job in New York just as an actor. All of a sudden, what happened to me, going back to the let's be cops, I would take these jobs with guys like Damon, and I'm like, I love this. This is fun. But then there's billboards everywhere, and it's not fun when I'm alone. If you and I go out and we get recognized, it's fun. Max Greenfield and I went out and got lunch. He just acts like Schmidt and pretends I'm Nick to the wait staff. They go like, hey, do you want anything? He can't have dairy. And it's funny and fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're getting such a kick out of it, seeing you two to get. Yeah. When I'm alone, I'm not in that.

What happens to you when you're alone? What happens with someone comes up to you? Like, what's going on in your head? I'm taking out of my own little fantasy world, my own little jarring thing. But do you feel like, oh, they? No, I appreciate. Without them, I don't get to live my dream. I don't get to do all this. I don't get to have the house I have. My wife and I wouldn't have had kids unless we had a little bit of money. We were together forever. We were not doing kids broke. So thank you. Appreciate you. But give me a second to catch up to this moment. I'm listening to a weird song. I'm somewhere else. Yes. It's like, oh, I'm being watched. Is that a little bit of it? No, it's just, oh, I have to go back to work. Oh, I have to be on in a little

charming. I'm not going to be rude to you. Yeah. I appreciate you. Yeah. Thank you. A second ago, I was in my own galaxy, which I like a lot. So what I'm liking about this era is I realize I miss the work. I still love being in a scene. Doing a great two person when it's really fun. It's still great. I just didn't like the other stuff. I was on a set back to back first time in five and a half years. And yeah, the scenes are fine. Great. I was reminded, though, I don't know if it's sorry. No, I know what you're going to say. ADHD. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. It's triggering. I keep hearing about the list of ADHD symptoms. I seem to have them. We have it for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Our entire hike is it. Our hike should be called ADHD.

This is how hike is brought to you by ADHD. It's another thing. Here's the other thing. We're yell talking. I know. 17 topics on the plate at all times. In the middle of a topic, we just fully swing. I know, but I just think that's, okay. We can't do this over. Now we've talked about this ad nauseum on this show. You think ADHD is being overdiagnosed.

I do. That's fair. That's totally fair. I'll tell you what, even with the false diagnosis, I'm not going to do anything about it. Right. Okay. So I don't mind the diagnosis.

I'm not making changes. I'm not taking anything for. Medicine. Yeah. I just go like home. That seems to describe me pretty well. Fine. Nothing's changing.

There'll be no adjustment. I love myself so much. It is what it is at this point. Yes, I don't want any treatment or sympathy. But I am moving fast mentally. I'm moving quick. And brushing my teeth is fucking agonizing. There's nothing more painful than brushing my teeth. It's a shocker I have teeth because I hate it so much. But it's funny because you brought up the tea thing and now since you've brought it up, I'm like, no, I'm just hyper aware that I'm the same. I am doing on this stuff when I'm brushing my teeth. I didn't look for that. So I wasn't like, oh, I have this thing because I was looking for it. Now you're looking for it and you're getting so much confirmation. Did you guys have somebody on who really broke down ADHD? Well, we have we had Gabor Mante on who is the world's

premier expert in it. And on the walk to his car, he said to me, so if you ever been diagnosed with ADHD, this is a dangerous thing with guys like you having all these people. They explain it and you go like, that fits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we had like a sociopath on. You ever been tested for pneumococcal pneumonia? No, but I probably know. No. Was it my brief? weird? Yeah, I got it. But all to say, I was also reminded like, man, it's really a 1% of the time you're there. Are you doing the thing that's still quite hard for me? I was remembering the sitting for an eternity. I'll tell you what I liked in the opposite, though. So you and I both did the thing where you start acting, then you want all the jobs. Then you do all the jobs.

Yeah. I really liked on Dink. Sean Clements wrote it. He's so funny. Josh Greenbaum directed it. I wasn't pretending to be a fake AD. I was doing the scenes. I got to hang out with Mary and Ed Harris and all these funny people. You let everyone else worry about all this stuff. They're professionals there. When I worked with Joe, I was like, I love you, Joe. I think you're so good.

Why would I think about how you're shooting this scene? I've committed to these days. Why would I think about these days? Because I'm not on a television set where I'm there for nine months. Even the New York job, I would fly in for three days, fly home. While I'm there, I couldn't care less about the coverage. My only job is to connect to Jesse Hodges, who's great, and Tatiana Masalani, who's great. She's the new wife. She's the ex-wife. That's the kid. We're fighting

for custody. Outside of that, I don't have a thought. So I could go into my little fantasy world, be listening to music. You let go of the control element. So what I think it is, is I was trying to control everything, which goes back to childhood stuff. And now, as I'm controlling less, I'm like, this is the job. Oh, yeah. Josh Greenbaum said something great because I directed. I go like, you're such a good director. You're way better than me. What do you like in an actor?

And he goes, I just want them to be present. My whole job is to get it so that you can be present. And I'm like, that's my only job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks, man. Yeah. I will tell you this, both jobs in my morning meditation, I was just going over and over saying to myself, today's goals are no power struggles.

They say 6 a.m. call time that makes no sense. I see my first scenes at 11. This is insane. Okay, I'll be there. Good for you. Shit, the first one I did. Hold on, hold on. Dax, I'm the same as you.

But he told me he didn't do it. That's incorrect. Dax. The A.Ds are the only old school part of our business that make no sense anymore. A 6 a.m. call time when you're not working until 11 makes zero sense. I'll be there at 9.30. I don't need to sit for three hours in a box. You're getting worse performance from me later.

I did say, I noticed my pick up. Don't give him that look. I'm going to. My pickup time was two and a half hours before a crew call. And I'm playing myself. So I'm in my wardrobe. I do my hair. I need makeup.

That takes 10 minutes. So he's definitely going to be just fine. But the thing is just practicing. Maybe I go, I know that this is kind of stupid. I know that I don't need to be there two and a half hour. Yes, that's the control. That's the control. You're right.

And I was able to do it the week before. I got a big fight with Jesse Hodges, the new show we did because she was you and I was Dax, and I don't agree with that. But here's where I do agree. Don't fight the director. Don't try to rewrite it. Don't try to control it. Don't tell the DP how to shoot it.

Whatever they want to do while you're there, all you worry about is you. If you're calling me four hours before I'm needed, I'm not a Buddhist. I can't just sit on a hill. But that's the goal. Is that the goal? Well, listen, here's how I framed it, at least. I wrote back and I said, I just want to offer the gentlest pushback. It does appear that I will have two hours on set.

Just remind everyone, I'm coming in my own wardrobe, you know, have my hair done, but, you know, blah. And then the response is like, absolutely, how 715 start? By the way, same. Yeah, that's what happens. Yeah. So my thing is now, what I've gotten honest with, when you say, are you protecting? What I'm protecting is I'm trying to stay in front of the darkness. Yes.

So what I'm saying is, is I can't do it like this because I don't want the darkness to take me over. Because you want to be on set being totally open to everything. And you don't want to have four hours of getting cranky before you start that. Big challenge. And I don't want to step into some bullshit in my head, me versus you. Why are you doing this? And then I go and now the script, I'm like, yeah, I'll shoot the scene too. But that fucking guy, Larry.

Larry doesn't matter. You're not fighting with anybody. I don't want any of that. But if I do that tone as well, I just saw, if there's any reason, can you text me during the first scene if you're going fast? I'm 21 minutes away. Right, right, right. And they go, great, we'll just let you know.

Oh, that's the dream. Thank you so. And I mean it. Yes, me too. Then when I get there, I'm thrilled. I'm like, oh, more shooting? Yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay, but so it was no power struggles.

Great. That's the number one thing. And then number two is like, I'm there to be of service to the project, the director, and the star. Because in this business, probably the star is as relevant as the showrunner and everything else. Both times I got through it. And what's interesting is because it's not ever been my approach because it's control. I want to control as much as I can because I'm fearful that I won't be great. Yes, totally right.

So to go there with all those goals and to leave the days having no clue how I did. But with an inkling that that's going to work out is a whole new approach. Do you have that as well? Well, it was different. So for Dank the pickleball one, we were all kind of running that as a team. Working with Mary Steenbergen, I was like, I will not have any darkness because she's so nice. So I will not have the mood where it's like, ooh, a little cranky after lunch. didn't like that take.

Shut up. Yes, yeah. That was so pleasant. Then Dakota in Alaska was such a trip in such a good way. Tell me how. She's just old Hollywood in such a great way, and she's so smart and sharp and tough and a shit talker. And then once you call action, you're like, oh, you're so fucking good.

And then in between, it's like, well, what are we doing? I said one night, I was like, well, you know, I'm not drinking a night because they need to work. And she was like, oh, I'm so sick of all these guys in Hollywood who stopped drinking. Oh, my God, I love her. She needs to be my best friend. Really what it was for me, so good in the scenes. Corey Michael Smith, so good in the scenes. Everybody in that movie was so good. And the New York job, I'm like, oh, I think I just want to work with people who are really good. But I don't need to be the boss of it. I don't want to run it. I don't want to deal with other people's emotional stuff. I'm not good at that. I'm bad with boundaries. So I get caught up. Just want to come. Do the job. Dissociation. appreciate whoever the character is supposed to be. Hey, man, I'm Carl. Then when the day's over, thank you. And not think about it again, not think what the reaction's going to be. Who knows anymore? Who even has the streaming sites? I've been on shows that I don't even have the streaming site

of the show. Me too. I did two seasons of Top Gear. I don't think anyone ever saw it. Me included and I'm on it. See? I know a whole season two of Minked. I didn't have stars. Yeah. It came out. They were like, what do you think of the season? It's now on Netflix. I'm like, Eventually, I'm going to check it out. But it's there, are you sure? People said good things about it. Wow, so this is interesting. We're in complete parallel, despite not having had our monthly hike.

Yes, but we're linked in. I'm loving hearing your back on set. I've thought about you a lot while I'm doing these jobs because I have been back to just acting on a set. And I remember us talking and kind of being like, maybe that thing is going in the background. And I have thought, oh, I'm loving this. And it feels like a rebirth. So Jesse Hodges said something really interesting to me

that I don't know if it triggers to you. I was talking shit about acting. We had like a great scene. It was really a good morning. And then I was doing my narrative. And my narrative is acting's easy. It's just nothing. But the good stuff is when you write it,

you direct it, you do all that, and you produce it, you finance it. But acting is easy. And as I was talking, my mind was somewhere else because I've said that so many times. And I know the reaction I'm going to get. The reaction is like, you're a super smart guy.

Sold. I'm going to say you a couch. You want the warranty. You should never get a warranty He's got a pretty high miles I know he said it's great But you're gonna love it It's gonna be great

And if you want 50 bucks out I'll get 50 bucks off It's literal garbage Let's go to the bar Let's go to these other people Anything's a profit dear And she goes All I hear is self-hatred

And I go Tell me more I don't think so at all Because I was literally like I'm selling you a fucking great couch here And she said Because you're an actor

That's what you do So the other stuff you like to do And you're good at it But she's like, I was excited to work with you because I think you're a very good actor. So when you're shitting on acting, that's just a form of self-hatred. And I played the moment as smoothly as I could. I was like, I mean, tomato, tomato kind of thing. Agre to disagree.

Yeah, like, you know, that's a take. So that's a no? But also, we're different generations and I'm going to sell the couch to somebody else. But the more I sat on it, oh, I think she's right. Because the thing that you're good at is the thing you don't value, and the thing you value is the thing you're not good at. That's textbook, though, right? The thing that comes easiest, you feel... Has no value.

Exactly. And it has to be hard in order for you to feel good about it. You have to know you're not quite good enough at it. And then it's valuable. Yes, exactly. And what I'm doing right now, like Damon Waynes and I are now selling a TV show, but it's the first one where in a pitch, I'm not the writer or the one talking. We have writers.

We have produced. Damon and I are literally just there for color. To be funny. We get there. they have an 11-page thing they've worked out, the writers are so good. It's so scripted. Then there's areas, if Jake and Damon want a riff. Yes, yes, yes, yeah. At the beginning, it was insulting to me where I was like, no, it's Damon and I. And then I had to admit to myself, I really enjoy the pitch. I get to listen. I get to react. Counterpunch. Yeah. And then Damon will say something really funny.

Then we'll get into something. The reaction from the buyers has been big. And for the last couple years, TV pitches for me, I'm like, TV's dead. It's not dead. It's just dead when I'm pitching them. Do you have a fear of being indispensable? Because that's kind of what it sounds like a little bit to me. Probably. But I also think the other thing that I'm also doing is, and it's more selfish, because I love what you're doing. I don't want to be an asshole. I want to be open. I'm trying to figure out how to re-engineer it that I do this business out of love. Yes, yes. As opposed to fuck you, you'll see. Terrified. It was everything's going to get revealed. I'm going to lose my house. I'm going to lose my family. I'm going to be

without parents. If this doesn't land, I'm a dead person. I have nothing. My entire value is them going pretty good. All right. Should we move into coverage? Yes. It was too intense. It was sickened. And I hated the business for it. And I hated video village for it. And I hated the person I was performing for because fuck you, man. Because if I don't do it, you're going to kill me. You're going to take my wife away, my kids away. Yeah. They're like, no. They're like, this is a commercial for Arby's. This is already going on a business. And we cast you. Right. We already like you. We picked you, motherfucker. And I was like, this is going weird. And then I would need a drink to calm down. And so my big switch was, I was like, I know I can't do that anymore.

Stay tuned for more armchair expert. If you dare. Thanks again to our presenting sponsor, Audible for their support. So Audible just dropped their best of 2025 collection. And I got to say, one of those things that actually makes your life easier, Monica. Their editors have been doing the heavy lifting. We're talking countless hours of listening, heated debates, and the whole thing. They've handpick the year's top audiobooks, podcasts, and originals across all your favorite genres. And what I love is that they're not just highlighting the giant releases, though those are in there. They've also dug up some real hidden gems, the stuff that might have flown under the radar, but totally deserves your attention. I love a good recommendation. My cue is out of control. So anytime there's a curator,

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Ready to elevate your basketball IQ? I'm teaming up with Bron James to bring you the latest season of Mind the Game. And we're about to take you deeper into basketball than you've ever gone before. We're breaking down the real game, the X's and O's that actually matter. In every episode, we'll share elite-level strategy. dive into career-defining moments and explain the why behind plays that changed a game, a team, or a championship. LeBron and I have lived this game at the highest level for decades.

We've been in those pressure moments and made those game-changing decisions and learn from the greatest basketball minds in history. Now we're pulling back the curtain and sharing that knowledge with you. Time to go beyond the highlights and get into the real heart of basketball. Watch Mind the Game Now on YouTube, Prime Video, or listen where every you get your podcasts. In relationships, can you accept that people love you? Yeah, I've been with my wife since 2004.

But did it take a minute with her to accept it? Yeah. That's so sad. Yeah. How about for you? You're like, no, fuck, no one noticed her blambers in four years of high school. Well, Jake didn't notice any blamper's, yeah. So you think you're not being seen.

Yeah. I'm wearing baggy clothes. I'm like, no one can see them. I got these big ass blambers under this way. I mean, I can't see the blamper. I know. I understand. Roll up in a Ferrari, everyone's acting like I got out of a pinto.

Can't you see these blamps? Look at my blambers! And I'm not cured from it. One thing I hate about podcasts in this era is everyone's talking about how bad they used to be and how good they are now, where I'm like, well, that's not accurate. You have not fully gotten fixed. Yes. But I'm in the transition of trying to realize that it's not a life-or-death performance,

and the stakes aren't as high as I think they are. and other people aren't in fight or flight. Like last night I was at the Glendale Mall and my wife went to the bathroom and my kids went on their own. And so I was alone looking at this goofy-ass fountain and I don't like that mall. I don't like that mall. Tell me why you don't like it. It's Disney. I was there by myself either day.

I was like this place is great. I love it. You do? Yeah. I don't like Disney. I don't like Disney. I don't. Because it's too happy?

Yeah. It's manufactured happiness. Oh. Manipulate it. When a place tells me. This is where you're safe and you're happy. I go, not me. You don't trust it.

Oh, watch. I have the darkest day of my year today. Oh, my gosh. You'll see. I want you to just try to go and be like, I want to look at the Americana the way she looks at the Americana. Well, what I had last night was I was sitting there and then I got a little paranoid. I was like, all right, what's the game plan if I don't hear from the kids? And I looked around and I realized most of these people might just be really sweet people.

I think they are at the Americana. And I was like, oh, it's really funny. I see people as threats and I think everybody else does and I think of this as the animal kingdom and we are all predators and it's scary and then I looked around and I was like

I'm seeing the world through some weird eyes because this looks like a bunch of sweet people with their families looking at fake snow and they're smiling so big and they're looking at a trolley and I'm like It goes nowhere but you used to be hung up on the back that the trolley went nowhere

but now you realize the trolley goes everywhere. You know what's really funny about this. So you go to the movie, Parenthood, which was awesome. There's a great monologue from the grandma. And she said, some people really like life going around in a Ferris wheel and just going around and around and other people really like the roller coaster. I've always been a roller coaster. As I'm aging, as I'm getting older, I'm like, I think I've done enough roller coaster. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm starting to feel, I felt it during self-reliance, but I started feeling my life force for the first time. And I was like, oh, this well isn't bottomless. And that had never been

I don't know if it's ADHD. I don't know if it's survival shit. Yeah. But I could always, I could go forever. I'll never quit. And all of a sudden, I'm like, I could quit. This feels dangerously opportunistic and mildly gross. But I do think it could be relevant.

But your friend killed himself. Do you think that's having any effect on this? Yeah, yeah. It's huge. Because that was a dude. I knew him a little bit. It was really important to him, all that stuff. Yes.

Jeff Baina. And it's really funny because I think our break from hikes happened right as Jeff killed himself. Yeah. We've only hiked once since that happened. Because he was my other hiking buddy. I'm like coming back into it. But I would either go to your house or four blocks away. I'd go to his house.

Yeah. So anytime you come hiking here, I'm sure. When I come to this neighborhood, I'm a little bit like, yeah, it's fucking guy's dead. No, it's had such a big impact way more than I thought it would, which is a stupid thing to say. Well, there's waves. Yeah. Well, you can't know until you, yeah. You go through the waves.

The first was, this is what I told you when we hiked, which is talking to someone that happened to have been at the wake or whatever. called and they said oh man do you know jake johnson and i go yeah he's my hiking buddy and uh they he gave the most incredible eulgy imaginable it was so real and angry and heartfelt and a lot of stuff yeah i'm really mad at him yeah well my yulgy was this and i gave it a lot of thought because it happened when my dad died to my brother was like you got to speak and i was like i don't yeah and i was like, who am I fucking speaking for? His AA buddies, 80-year-old Jewish guys,

yeah, yeah, yeah, cousins on my dad's side I didn't grow up with. I don't need to cry in front of strangers. Yeah, like this is not a performance. I don't like crying in front of anybody, barely in front of my wife. So I'm like in front of a bunch of people pass. And then I realized for my dad, all right, I guess I'm doing it for him. But I didn't feel my dad. So while I was doing it, I'm like, this isn't for him.

This is for my brother and sister. Well, you know what it is for him? Because our dads were so similar. Yeah. His big shot son came in with ideology. He liked that. He was out there going like, yeah, they all recognize my kid from TV. They're a little bit excited.

Yes. Yeah. But for Jeff, it was very clear. Jeff Baino was the biggest know-it-all I've ever met. I'm a know-it-all. You're a know-it-all. I'm not putting you under that umbrella. Now I've gotten to know you a little bit.

You're not a know-it-all. But I do know a lot. You do not. You're opinionated, but not a know-it-all. Jeff was a true know-it-all. Our hangs, similar to you and me, we would get on a subject and then sometimes it would turn into a slight debate, even very similar, do you not want those jobs out of fear? That's your sales pitch. My sales

pitch is, no, I'm out of love. Now we're debating our sales pitches. Yeah. And it's really fun. And then you always leave and you go like, they had some nice valuable points. I like that. And I had some nice valuable points. And if it's polling, I don't know who's winning. I think we're at 50-50. And so Jeff and I had a ton of topics. And when he killed himself, all the debate stopped. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, that's not fair, man, because we haven't finished. When we became friends, it was instant. And he goes, I'm a big believer that I don't know what this world means, but I do know

something else is going on. And there are moments that you get connected to the invisible. And you go, I don't know, but this shit is different than I thought it was. I'm not trying to explain it. I'm okay with the mystery of it. I agree. When I met Jeff, we connected right away and he said, we're going to be old men together. And I was like, I know that's true.

We are going to be playing bodgy ball and I'm going to be arguing with this fucking old man. Honestly, one of the most difficult guys I've ever met. The amount of people he would kick out of his house, the amount of people who contacted me after he died and goes, I'm really sorry for your loss. I'm a little bit mixed myself. He was really rude to me. A little more on the fence about it. A lot of people had to call and go like, I'm calling to say, I'm sorry to you.

He literally kicked me out of a basketball league I started. Oh, my God. So Jeff was not a dark guy. Dave King said something so funny. He said, when somebody kills himself, everybody says, I mean, anyone but him. And he goes, but this one's very true. Anybody but Jeff. He let a lot of light in.

He was not an anxious guy. He was not a depressed guy. He was a routine guy. He just did the same routine. And so the disappointment of my eulogy was, so Jeff has now, in my life, transitioned. He's now entered my dreams. So I now talk to Jeff every night. I've asked Jeff to help oversee with my kid.

He's part of my nightly whatever prayers are, OCD, manifesting, whatever that shit is. Yes. He's now entered that space. But at his eulogy, I really thought I'm going to challenge him, and he's going to make an appearance. He's so indignant he'll have to show up. He's such a prick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He would call up and go like, hey, hey, you might want to play hoops?

And I'd be like, sure. We'd go to a court to be straight up gangsters. Your vibe changes. Not with Jeff. Jeff's calling touch fouls. I don't mean it. And then in the car after, when there was almost a fight,

he's blaming them. We are like, it's fucking you, dude. It's you. And so my whole speech was doing to him. It's you. You're the weird one. Because what I really thought he was going to do is I thought he was going to

like fuck with the mics. I thought something was going to shift so that I could say, I'm sorry I didn't see it. Because the real nightmare of suicide is you think you got a good read on people and you missed it. Yeah.

where you're like fuck man we were supposed to hike um we were texting right up until he passed and we were going to hike and he stayed up really late and i got kids so i'm waking up early so i go yeah man i'd love to hike i go how's noon because he wants to start at two i got to be home at three yeah two's too late at first i was 10 man i was nine and he's like impossible i mean the folks you're going to see on a 2 p.m. hike are questionable yeah it's crazy it's so hot night shift why are they out there but here was where I look back where I go like, ugh, because he told our other friend Miguel, when things were going dark for him, Miguel said, talk to Jake, Jake loves you. And he goes, Jake's really

busy with his kids and his work. I don't want to bother him. And now he's dead. So the big turn for me has been, what am I doing wrong to not let people, that's why when we started, I said, you mean a lot to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I was like, oh, I don't think I did that to him. I don't think he knew how much we all loved him. I think he really thought in the end, he's doing a movie. I'm like, fuck the movie. Who gives a shit? Yeah, I'm seeing my kids, but the only reason I'm obsessive is because my dad wasn't there and I'm being weird. Say, I need you. My kids don't want me around. My wife is not a possess woman. She'd be like, go live at Jeff's. You're so annoyed. You might need a month or two of you around. And I do think if we went on that hike that day,

in my heart of hearts, I know he'd be alive. God, I don't know, Jay. I don't know. I don't think you can put that on yourself. I know that response. And I don't feel a sadness or a darkness. Yeah. I know Jeff. And Jeff and I called each. other out on shit. And he had been getting really skinny. And he was starting to lose hair. And the last hike I saw, he looked really skinny and weird. And I did a little bit like, and he's like, I've just been eating these smoothies. He was getting like depressed skinny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was graying out a little bit. And supposedly by the end, it got really bad. And I do think we would have had a, you know, if it's professionally, want to make a movie. Let's make one in our backyards.

Let's cast every one of our friends and let's just do it. If you're afraid of being alone, same. Let's play poker five nights a week. We can, create a whole thing. But that day, I didn't make that effort. And you're like, oh, that's now 50 years. Okay. Now, I don't question that you couldn't have executed that game plan. I question how much a fellow know it all could have taken it all in and adjusted given, even if he loved you and respected you. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think it's very parallel to like addiction. There's no speech you can give one of us. You can't. You're on that run. It's like no one's going to call. So I hear you. I've gone. Pretty deep. So I think there is a narrative about mental health and suicide that helps those who are alive. Sure. To anybody who's listening who's lost somebody, I'm not talking about you. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm not saying you did anything wrong. I don't know your story. I just know Jeff. Even if I just said, fuck your two o'clock hike weirdo. Let's get lunch. And we just talked. We would have challenged each other, talked a little shit. And we could have come up with a three month window. because I don't think it was inevitable. I think he got caught in a moment.

The moment happened, the night happened. He thought this is a winning move. This is my best play right now. And part of one of his final message was, I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy, but you guys will build up better. And I have. And so that's why he's in the prayers where I'm like,

oh, I'm going to honor your life, man. But I think we could have done this with you here. And so I just think if we had the type of male friendship, which we did not, like I would never tell him, I'm having mental problems. He would go, what's going on? Why are you talking so slow? And I'd go, because you're talking fast. I wouldn't say, because I'm dissociating, man. Yeah. Because we were always jabbing. But what I knew is if I said to him, Jeff, I love you and I'm not feeling great, he'd go, I got you.

But I'm like, we don't have to say that because we know that. And that's bullshit. And I'm like, fuck. So I know if in that moment, I said to him, yeah, you have an anxiety the first time? Welcome to the fucking world, asshole. Yeah. Right, right. Oh, you're feeling dark?

Yeah. But I think it requires the person themselves. Like you said, if you went to him and said, I'm low, it requires someone saying, I need help. Yes. And him do have been aware of on that hike that suicide was on the table, which might not even have been fully conscious. But there's also people you find that you sink with. I only find people, if we're Legos, we connect. If it doesn't connect, I don't want to force it.

I'm going to wear you out. I'm going to say something that's going to fuck up your process. I'm going to make a joke that didn't translate. I'm too old for it. I've already burned too many little things, but if I fit with a Lego, we're never not going to fit. You might go, oh my God, shut the fuck up, but I'm not sensitive to that. And I could say to you, shut the fuck up.

But yeah, the Jeff thing was a nightmare. That's been the reason for the hikes. Yeah. Okay. The podcast, we're here to help. You're in year four, three? End of two. Doing about three a week now.

So we got about 250 episodes. Wow. Yeah, we're having a lot of fun. You're releasing three week? Yeah, I've gotten totally ADHD addicted to it. I love it. I love how the game shifts. I love that there's not a studio or a network so we can keep changing it.

I like that the show's evolving. I like that there can be experiments. We're a call-in show. Of the many topics you guys have wandered into, have there been any that have burbled up in 250 where you're like, like, oh, God, we're accidentally in a very serious. Yes, one's happening right now. It is, tell me.

And it's what I love about the show. So the show has, it's really connected audience. It's not huge, but it's the same people every week. And you realize, oh, you're just performing for them. And then you're like, you're not even performing, you're just talking. And then they all comment, they all email, you're like, it's the same. But that's comforting. It's fun.

Yeah. And it's with my buddies. And so a woman called in and the end result, something about her husband eats too much popcorn in bed. We like stupid premises. And how many days a week was he eating popcorn in bed? All the time. Every night. All the time. This guy's eating way too much fucking popcorn. So much popcorn. I don't think it's good for your digestion. Now in kernels everywhere.

And his teeth. The turn of it became he had a brain tumor. And then the last turn was he's on dialysis and he needs a kidney transplant in March. Oh shit. So while we were on in the moment I go, well hell, if anybody from the community

wants to donate a kidney, we can make a whole game of it and we can do, like, we do a version right now that Rob and Natalie created kind of, like, a friendship game where people called in, they needed friends. So we, like, set people up on dates. Oh, nice. And then we follow up with it. And we've had over four people right in saying, I legitimately will donate my kidney.

And so now we're starting to go, well, if we can really bring a kidney to this guy, maybe we could do a live show near the hospital, donate some. Oh, my God. Let's connect to this. Sure. And it's just zooms in our girl with, like, my buddy, Gary. But I'm like, it's entering a world where everybody knows the bits of the show. So they're all bits.

But this is the first one in a while where I'm like, this is what I'm most excited. If we can get a kidney transplant and it could work, somebody's happy to give it. And this guy's happy to do it. And it's because of our goofy little podcast. Did you say brain cancer, though? He had a brain tumor or something. Okay, but he's beaten that. Yes.

I guess in March, when he's done with the cancer treatment, he can get the kidney transplant. Oh, my goodness. Okay. And so now people email. in, I checked the email, so I just forward to this woman, Whitney, which is the wife of the guy. And I said, this is real life. You vet. Right.

When you like somebody, bring them on the show. But we're not vetting. Yeah, you can be responsible for that. You're vetted. For me, with the way my brain works, I can lay in bed and go like, oh, the last guy seemed like a pretty good option for a kid name. Yeah, yeah. And it's fun as hell.

Are you looking at them or just hearing them? No, just hearing. We tried looking. It changes it. They were different. It was more of like, whoa, this is fun. They were on in a different way. There was a show that's done in New York.

There was this American life about it where a guy just left an anonymous number and said, leave messages with your problems. Yes, people admitted to like killing people and stuff. Yeah. I think when you see someone's face, they're not as honest. We're in an interesting one where we look at all the callers. And they look at you? Yeah.

But nobody else sees them. It's not like it's on video. Right, but you guys see each other. We see each other. And what I realize in that is the audience won't see them because it's anonymous. But I'm realizing, God, so much of this story is about what you're seeing, how they look. It becomes really clear how much of a story has to do with the person involved in it. And that has a lot to do with what they just look like.

Totally right. What thoughts do you have about that? Yeah, I think we gain a lot from seeing the person and from reading their emotions. Our show's different. It can get wild, but it's not meant to be like super joky or anything. It is sincere. I think the sincere thing is a really great distinction because ours is you need to be sincere, but we are looking for laughs.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm jealous of your structure. I don't want to offer real advice a lot of the times. I'm like, I don't know. But if you're okay with the premise being if you went to a bar and you had two drunk uncles. They might give bad advice, but it might lead you there. If a caller is a little bit nervous and a little bit slow, it's our job to now steamroll a little bit. And our audience could

get annoyed with us and go like, fucking stop with the steamroll. And it's like, I understand, but I'm also producing the show. Each call is 25 minutes. We got to find some levity and some lightness. So that's why the kidney one is so fun because it was a really fun caller. She's really funny. Yeah, starts so in name fucking popcorn and bad. But also she's really funny because she'll be like, enough with the popcorn. And then we found it was like, it's got brain cancer. What are you nuts?

Well, I was going to say, I'm shocked that people... Give this guy a break. I'm happy people volunteer to donate their kidney because if you start off by saying like, if you keep this guy alive, he's going to drive this woman crazy with all the popcorn eating.

I was like, I don't know what the ethical thing to do is here. But what I love about podcasts and I don't know if you guys love the same part of it, but the audience gets to know your podcast personality and who you are on the show. And there's parts of it they like and there's parts you don't like.

and the callers get annoyed with you. I love when somebody calls in our show and we pitch and they don't like it. Or they go like, eh, they're like, don't do that right now. Don't do that thing you do. It makes it feel like we're old friends. It's like a weird cousin. I do a thing that whoever I'm talking to, I do kind of side with them. So if somebody calls it and they go, I'm bringing my husband on, but you can't side with

them. The premise is you're on our side. I'm like, I agree with you right now. Once that other guy starts talking, I'm like, I got a squirrels, I'm over there. So to have somebody then be legitimately being like, this sucks, Jake, I wouldn't have called in. I'm like, you're mad at me like we know each other.

You just called in and that feels really joyful. Yeah. It'll finish. Connection. I'll hit the little Zoom. And then Gareth and I will text will both be like, it's still fun. Yeah. You're like, it's still there.

Yeah, I'm a little jealous that you have that lane you can occupy because I even think that's one part of Stern I love is just occasionally he's got the call on. He's like, you're terrible. What are you, what phone are you on? Are you in the Lincoln Tunnel? It's like berating this. That's enough or I want to get off this call. I know my audience is bored.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That seems kind of fun. It's copied from him because I did always like where he would go like, what are you talking about? And you'd be like, he's a dick, but I love his whole group. But he's too mean, but I also was bored. Uh-huh. Yes. He's doing the dirty work.

It was getting a little bit boring. So I do like that element of it. But what we can't do that you. you guys can do is when ours gets sincere and there is something you're like we got to still make it light if we do the kidney thing there can't be an emotional moment what it has to then be it'll be a version of like the dating game our friend steveberg will be our chuck whirlie where he'll be like geez it's crazy crazy and ridiculous and the sweetness will come after when we're alone where we'll go like geez this is really heavy yeah but we'll never present that up

That comes later when we're alone. It's the same thing with, like, the Jeff stuff. Yeah. Our show isn't saying, this community means a lot. This is really fun. This is a great connection. We go like, check out how funny that guy's armpit smell. Yeah, yeah.

But I'm like, I like that zone. But some of the topics are really funny, like the HOA tyrant episode. Someone calling about a HOA president issuing fines and rules. You stumble into all these grievances people have. Yeah. I love it. There's one right now that made me think of that. I don't know if it's that one,

but there was a woman who they were doing construction across the street on a new building, and from her window she could see right into the bathroom, and they had frosted the top but not the bottom. So she could watch the construction workers take shits. Oh, wow. And she's like, I have to tell that because people buying it think it's frosted, but I can see them go to the bathroom. And so then we had her go with her phone and record on a voice note talking to the builders.

Oh, really? You have these guys in the background being like, no way. You can see us? They've all jerked off too. Right? If you're taking a shit at work, you're definitely jerking all off. Yeah. I know.

Have you ever had a terrible job? That's your only ray of sunlight. Do you take a dump and jerk off at the same time, you animal? You take a dump and then you're there and you're nude. And you start thinking and you don't want to go back to you. Well, from the hips down. Yeah. Well, if the situation calls for it.

If it's honest, sometimes I don't know that one plus one equals in that case. You didn't jerk off at work with shitty jobs back when you were a kid? I don't think so. Oh, my God. First of all, I couldn't go through a whole day without jerking off in my late teens. I worked at this place to build race cars and it was all like 35-year-old mechanics. They were disgusting when I was 15 and I was so nervous. But they had a stack of smokers in the toilet.

I look forward to going to work so I could go sit in that bath. Look at the really terrible dirty math. Magazine. Everyone's touched that. I know, but you just, you're different. You wait till you're done to think about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pre-internet was another world.

Yeah, you just needed that. There's another world. You needed a nice magazine. Wow, so you weren't doing a lot of that. I don't remember if I was. I'm sure I have. Yeah. But it's not one of the things that's front of mine.

It's not sticking out to you. It's not sticking out. Okay. Do you want to know about the ding because when does it come out and how did it come about? Because it's you and Stiller are producing? Yeah. So it's coming out. End of Spring.

on Apple. And that came about, do you know Sean Clements, the writer at all? No. He's a UCB guy, right? He's a UCB guy. So funny. We did a show years ago called Alan Gregory that Jonah Hill was on, that Sean was a writer, and I was doing bits on it, and he and I just partnered up. So we do the occasional once every like six-month lunch. It was a few years back, and he said, what are you working on? I was like, nothing. I'm just doing the podcast. I don't know if I want to work. I don't work anymore. I was like, I kind of don't work anymore. And then he goes, what would you want to work on? And this was pre-Trump coming back into office. I go, I know things are going to get really crazy at the election and the country is going to get really ugly. I want to make something that's big and

ridiculous and fun with big comedic set pieces. I was like, I just want to be on a set where it's funny again. I don't want to do anything that's teaching anybody anything. I don't want any message. I don't want anyone to try to learn anything. And then he's like, do you play pickleball? And I'm like, no. So for Father's Day, 2023. Loved that, by the way. Loved volleyball. 2024, maybe. The volleyball one I've thought about, too. Father's Day sports, do you remember as a Wal-to-Wall sports tournament? You ever watch Physical Asia?

I watched Physical 100. I know Asia's now out, and I haven't seen it, but I've watched the previous season. When you said the volleyball and the pickleball, I was thinking your Father's Day was just physical. Physical 100, yeah, yeah. There should have been a hang. It's like Field Day all over. It was. It was.

It was really fun. Anna Massuse. Yes, but he said we got a big, fun movie idea, then sent it to Stiller. Stiller is in it. produces it, got to do two-person scenes with him where we got to improvise. Tell me about that. One of the funniest guys I've ever done a scene with. It was so fun being in the scenes with him because you forget, oh yeah, I got into this because

I really like bits. I like laughs. I like really funny people. He was doing an improv that didn't make the movie. He was talking about like money and he was improvising. I was saying he went to a prostitute or something and he was trying to break down what is prostitution. And I'm not going to try to redo the bit, but watching him find the,

the bit. I was just in the scene with him asking him questions. I started laughing so hard. And I just was like, oh yeah, there's a reason he became Ben Stiller. It's because he's so funny. And then watching him, he reminded me comedically of my buddy Bill Bungroth when my buddy Billy does bits. And I was like,

oh, there's a time. Ben Stiller was like 14 and funny. Yeah. You're like it's the same rhythm. Like his whole bit was, oh wait, I give you this paper that's green and you do a sex act and that meets your And he was in, I'd be like, well, you have your pain for sex. And he's like, by this?

And he just fully committed to this. It was so stupid. But I was like, holy shit, there's a reason he's him. Yeah. We take it for granted after a while. And then you watch enough stuff. There's now so many options that you'll be like, yeah, I've seen him a bunch. Right.

But being faced to, I'm sure you guys get this here. Anthony Hopkins, we just had on it. In the middle, you're like, oh, yeah, what? You're just doing police. And we're like, oh, my. my god it's madness yeah and that goes back to what i still really like about it that i missed where you get to go like oh you're so good at that and even someone like a dakota it worked out she had liked joe's movies as we were putting the movie together i didn't have a lot

of thoughts she's great i know i'm a fan when it's in between action and cut and you go like oh right that's why it's six you got cast with denzil it's not by chance right okay my last question for you because we've had you now several times and I'm aware of it and I had some interest in it but now I have an entirely new interest in it because this summer the family we did Tom Cruise's cruises cruises is what we called it so the whole summer we were only allowed to watch Tom Cruise movies at night and we were all Nashville together for two months so that's fun we watched every mission possible all a how are they they're phenomenal they're impossibly good yeah I bet you're like oh my god they're way better than I remember

I remember they were great. And he are so good. Best movie starring. Of all time. The best. There is a sequence in one of the MIs, maybe four or five, and it's Philip Seymour Hoffman talking to Tom and he's Ethan Hunt and he's cuffed to a chair. And Philip Seymour Hoffman is counting down to 10.

And at 10, he's going to kill his fiance. So it's a real-time countdown in 10 seconds, basically. 10. No, you know, Phil. Cruz is giving you fucking explosive anger. Yeah. then pleading acceptance, then fawning, then a snap, it's not going to work back to aggression, and then the fucking solo tier coming out at the end at 10.

And I'm like, no actor has ever given us the whole range of human emotions in 10 seconds. Yeah, he's the best. Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare. Hey there, armcherrys. Guess what? It's Mel Robbins. I'm popping in here, taking out my own ad. Holy cow.

Dax, Monica and I, I don't want this conversation to end, and I'm so glad you're here with us. And the other thing, I can't believe, Dax loves the Let Them Theory. He can't stop talking about it. I hope you're loving listening as much as I love having you here. And I also know, since you love listening to Armchair Expert, you know what you're going to love listening to?

The Let Them Theory audiobook. And guess who reads it? Me. And even if you've read the book, guess what? The audiobook is different. I tell different stories. I riff, I cry. You're going to love it because it's going to feel like I'm right there next you. We're in this together as we learn to stop controlling other people. So thanks again

for listening to this episode of Armchair Expert and check out the audiobook version of the Let Them Theory read by yours truly. Available now on Audible. You can even try it out for free with an Audible trial. Download the Audible app today. I was just upset. with them after the summer and I'd be talking about him nonstop as I do. And Adam Scott, I thought, made the best point when I was talking to him about Tom Cruise. And he said, I think Tom's unique gift is he's not acting for him for like what his character would do. He's not acting for the director. He more than anybody is acting for the audience. He's 100% right. The international

audience. Yeah. So with that theory on the table, which I feel like he's right about. What is it like being in scenes with him? And can you feel that? Is it disorienting? It's all positive. Here's my story of it, and he would not like that I was telling this, not for any other reason because he didn't want to do this, because he thought it was disrespectful, but I begged him to because I didn't. So when you work with him, he does have it all figured out in his head. He knows exactly how it's supposed to go and how it's going to be received and how we could get there.

And so we would do scenes together, and for me, it was like, wow, I get to connect to the Invisible with you, man. Like I get to mix it up, but I could tell for him he was a little bit like, it's great, it's great. And we were working out one morning. There was a big scene where me and him are going through some tunnel. I never read the whole script. Sorry, can I write what movie? It was called the mummy.

Thank you. So I've never seen the movie, and I never read the script because they never had one for me. Oh, shit. So my job on that was I would get pages and they would go, we need you Tuesday and Wednesday. Wow. I would memorize those pages and I'd be like, why do I need to be there? five, and they're like, because you're getting a prosthetic. And I'll go, why would I have a prosthetic?

And they're like, because you're dead and coming back to life. And I'd go like, you're okay. Good to know. So I guess the 5 a.m. call does make sense this morning. But so I knew we had a big scene and he loves oneers. We did all of our stunts. He wants everything in two shots together. So I knew how he wanted it.

I knew he wanted it like this. We're going to have to do a big walk and talk, turn a corner, stop and go. And I was like, I know my pace is slow. And if I'm giving my instincts, I'm looking for stuff. I'm looking at the set. Shiny objects, man, this raccoon looks. So if we're in a scene and we're going and I see something, I'm going to go, Right.

He doesn't want my head to do that because then the audience is going to go, what's that? Yes. So I said to him before we started this big day, and we had become friends by this point. So there was a lot of trust. We worked out all the time together. We flew to Africa, just me, him and Annabel Wallace and his plane at his house working out a lot of time with him. We buddyed up. Tons of bits, tons of jokes.

He's funny. He's funny. On his plane, we said, let's watch a movie. And Annabelle Wallace goes, got any good Tom Cruise movies? He went through his library and goes like, you like a romantic comedy? And then we picked the jokes. Oh, that's fantastic. Super funny, he gets the jokes.

Do you want to fall in love with me or be scared of me? He'd go like, do you like, do you like military stuff? And we'd like, yeah. But then pitch three of them. And then you really realize this man's done everything. Yeah. But we're in the workout trailer. And I was like, I know this scene's going to get hard because we're going to do like seven takes.

and then he's going to out of respect to talk to the director then the director's going to play telephone and try to explain to me and I'm not going to fully get it so I said hey man can we just do something that's insane because it was just me and him and the trainer

I go can you do the scene in here as both of our characters and he goes no and I go please and he goes no because that's disrespectful I want you to trust you and I go I'm working with you it's a different thing

I'm here only because of you not one part of me feel sensitive and he was like, I don't feel comfortable doing it. And I was like, I'm begging to see it. Yeah. I was like, even if it's terrible, it's comedic, I'm just begging to see it. And he and the trailer did both. Okay. And what did you learn in that? The pace for me was really fast, really on it. It was, movement, movement, move, and I was like, oh, I never would have gotten there on my own. And when the director said, why don't we speed it up, those kind of directions mean nothing to me. Yeah. So I'd be like, speed,

But when I heard him do it, I could just have him in my head. As the tempo. And then once I was doing at the rhythm of which his head, then he would go like, we're getting there. So what Adam said, which is right, was he would say to me at times, you add extra words to jokes, which are very funny for English speakers. It won't translate. So he's like, you can't improvise that. And he goes, you're thinking about America. We got to think international for a movie like this.

Nobody, when they dub over your voice, is going to do that. But they have to add those words. and it's going to screw it up. Oh, wow. Fascinating. And then he goes, and also when you get improvised, sometimes you talk really fast in little moments, got to slow it down.

People won't understand you. It's like Cirque de Soleil. I watched this segment on 60 minutes about Cirque de Soleil. It was the most successful thing in Vegas for years, billions of dollars. And it was all because more than half the people that come to Vegas don't speak English. And it's the one show you can go to and you don't need to know anything.

I was like, oh, yeah, someone's thinking about that. The other thing about him that is kind of different than what you and I are talking about now, but in 2017 exploded my brain he knows every single lens and how you're supposed to act for each lens and expects you to also

that makes sense so we would be there and then he would go like we're in a tight and I was like right knock it down a bit yes I'm doing facial expressions for a wide shot

we're tight you don't have to go like this that looks insane it's unusable go like this and I was like oh I hadn't thought of that my whole garage gym is based off how his is.

He set to Jim a certain way. Oh, my gosh. So I guess what I would be fascinated with watching him work, were you at all clocking? Because obviously he's a control freak on a level we can't even understand. Because all of his shit works. And the director's come and go and writers come and go. I think besides the mummy.

I think that was the only one that did that was huge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We started watching it was too scary. That was one of the only ones that didn't make Tom Cruise's cruises. And I'll hit you with also. We think he needs his own theme park, Tom Cruise's Cruises. cruises, because he has enough movies to have a full great theme part. Has he not done this?

He hasn't. I've been begging. I can connect you with his assistant because she just contacted me. He does the annual Christmas cake. What's that? Every holiday, he sends everybody a Christmas cake that he's ever worked with? I don't know. Okay. It's like a coconut cake. Thousands of cakes. I've heard about this coconut cake. So I don't know. I just got a text after the movie. Is this your address, delicious cake. Oh, but this fucking dude doesn't eat junk food. When we were working out one day, we did one of these, like, marathon sessions. We were living in London at the time, and right where we were staying was a pub,

and I was going to get the cider, and then I was going to get some fries. All I was thinking when I were working out is, when I get home, I'm going to shower up, take the kids there. They'll play in that little green area getting fucking chips. I'm going to have two ciders. And then I go, where are you thinking about when you get home? What are you excited about? And he was like, yeah, I'm excited about this. I was like, yeah, me too, but like, what's the reward?

Is it chocolate? Is it fries? What is it? And he goes, never. And I go like, okay, you're so disciplined. And I kind of rolled my eyes and I go, why? And he goes, well, I just see it differently than you. He's like, I'm a Ferrari.

Why would I ever put bad gasoline in? Yeah. And I went like, that's a really cool way of looking at it. I don't see it that way. But I was like, but it's cool. It's working for him. But that guy sends cakes. He's trying to sandbag his competition.

Or he's going, it'd be really nice to eat one of these. Yeah. And I'd like you guys to have it. I'm like, he's specific. I think he knows that. I'm different from other people. Other people like cake, I don't. Totally.

What is he should have been? And what I would believe more is it's easier to never than to sometimes. Yeah. He's probably a very addictive person. I'm going to tell another story. Yes, please. Okay. Because I don't think it's that.

Okay, great. I actually think it's the race car thing. And I hope this one's not talking out of school. Okay. So there was a CrossFit trainer who was there with us. She was great. And there was a day where you would get to his gym. He always has a dry race board with a message for the day, your mantra.

God, he's on it. And then what the workout is. It was an Amrap, as many rounds as possible. But it was a hard app. Well, that's the acronym for it. Yes. I feel like I should know that for how often I work out. I think it's a CrossFit thing.

Okay. But it's as many rounds as possible in a timed thing. Gotcha. Which is a different type of workout. Because what you could also do there, we would do three, rounds. So sometimes you'd go and it'd be a whole circuit and it'd be like five rounds. You'd be like, oh, or it'd be like three rounds. You'd be like, ooh. But AMRAP means you sprint through it. You're dead. Yeah, you're going to die. You just literally sprint through it. But the

workout was a weird AMRAP. There was really heavy weights. There was just a lot of stuff that you're like, that's a really hard AMRAP. Yeah. And for me, because you know when you work out with somebody in a small space, you have to be at the same pace because they can't wait for you. You're switching. off. And he's number one. So if he's there, he's not waiting. It's his pace. All the time. Everywhere you go. Everywhere you go. Yes. But I was like, I hate this. Because he's also so respectful. Finish your end. I don't want to finish my own. You do it. Just you go. I'm only here because of you. But so he goes, I don't know if this is an MRAP. This should be just a circuit. And the trainer rather than saying, okay, goes, well, it's an MRAP. And then she goes,

Oh, Monica just lost it. But she didn't, not mean, but she was like, it's just going to be an MRAP. And she goes, but it's a hard one. So just think about your pace a little bit. You don't have to go insane. I took that as like, great. Let's go 70%. Tom goes, well, it's an Amrap.

Do you want three rounds or do you want an MRAP? And she goes, well, I've scheduled an Amrap, but don't kill yourself. Uh-oh. The thing starts, dude kills himself. Oh, my God. He's going so hard. I'm going so hard. I'm looking at the trainer.

There was two guys, a physio guy, Pete, and then the main trainer. But I'm looking at Pete during it while I'm going, I'm like, somebody stop us. Yeah, help. This isn't working. Yeah. Stop it. We're not going to be on set tomorrow because of this. I can't do this.

Yeah, right. We're going, then like weird burpies. I'm like, oh my God. And you just have to dissociate. And then at a certain point with about five minutes left, we were dead. And he got pissed. And he was like, it's too hard. It's not an am rep.

And he let it out. Yeah, good. Everything he was saying, I agreed with. Yeah. When the timer went off at the end of the thing, he goes, sorry, I shouldn't have yelled, but that's not an am rep. And then he goes, I'm a racehorse. If you say am rep, I have to go as many rounds as possible, but it's too hard. And she goes, it was really actually three rounds.

He left, and I was like, But I actually think for him, he's like, I'm a racehorse. If you say sprint, I have to sprint. Why would I put a French fry in my body? It's not it will make me eat more. I won't run as fast. Yes. You didn't have to run with him at all.

Yes. You did? Well, I don't know if I sprinted with him or I did the sprint. Certainly off screen, but you didn't have any scenes. Yes. Watch the first 20 minutes of the movie. You had to keep up with him. Oh, my God.

so fast. We had to run across a full thing they built in Africa to look like the Middle East. It was a you of a town. It's a true story. I get there. The first shot, they go, we have a camera down here and he goes, we got to be in a two shots, so you have to keep up with me. Oh my God.

So we have to run like this as things are exploding. I don't see any nets. So I think, because he also does a lot of jokes. So I was like, here they go. Everybody's teasing the goofball. And it was like all these South African stunt guys. Everyone's so cool. I was the guy they would tease.

But there was no nets or wires. I said to the stuck guy, I was like, dude, we're going to shoot like this? And he was like, yeah, mate. And then I go to Tom before and I go like, wait, we're really going to shoot like this? And he goes, yeah. And I go, well, what happens if we fall? And he goes, well, don't fall. Yeah.

They make call action. And that animal sprints. Yeah. So you sprint with him. Was his pace outrageous? Yeah. Everything he does, his pace and life is outrageous. He would get there early.

He would look tired. I'd be like, how'd you sleep? He'd be like, I was out of it. I was like, I was out of it in. I was like. Which one? Another one. We're writing another one. I'd be like, you're outrageous. Yeah. He's all or nothing and he's all. And he's always all. Yeah. God, I fucking admire him. What a gift. Yeah, he's the best number one in the whole world. Well, Jake, I adore you.

Thanks for coming. This was so great to see me. I'm so glad. I want everyone to listen to we're here to help. And then I want everyone to keep their eyes peeled for the dink. Spring on Apple Plus. Yeah. And then the Dakota. Joe Swamberg, we have a new movie coming out. We're going to do the festival. Circuit, that'll come out. And then there's a new show on Apple. What's the new show? The maximum pleasure guaranteed. That's with Tatiana, Jesse. That's the one I've been doing in New York. Okay. And that's been really fun. Yeah, I just like you. I wish I could tell you in a stronger way. You know, you feel it, right? We should hold hands one of the hikes. Nope. But I'm back on Sunday and I'm here all December. If you want to get some hikes in. Yes, I do. I do. I'll reach out.

All right. I love you. I love you. I love you too, buddy. All right. See you soon. I sure hope there weren't any mistakes in that episode, but we'll find out when my mom, Mrs. Monica, comes in and tells us what was wrong. Okay, something huge happened that I doubt you know happened, and I didn't notice that it had happened. Okay. Commenters called it out, and then I had to go back. Just now you walked into my house. Yes.

And you overheard me listening to our show. Yes. Which in any other circumstance is very embarrassing. Yep. Right? Like, what if a friend popped by? Knock, knock, knock. And you're like, yeah, hold on.

And you had it really playing loud so you could hear it in the shower. Will you be so humiliated? You know, it's funny you bring this up because I have a post, maybe forthcoming or might be out by the time that this comes out for a brand. Yeah. And I use that as a joke. Oh, you do? Me listening to my own show. Oh, that's great.

Yeah. And you used it as a joke because it's embarrassing. It's embarrassing, yeah. Which is interesting, isn't it? Well, like in some way, I could say, if a musician listened to their own song, duh, like, they wrote the song they want to hear. That's their idea of what a beautiful sound to their ears is. They made it. Right.

Why wouldn't they want to hear it just because they made it? Well, like, it's kind of like when I've been a little embarrassed laughing at my own jokes at, like, a movie premiere. Yeah. But then I go, like, well, I made the joke I thought was funniest on that day. That's something I think is really funny, which is why I said it. Okay. Look, I think that's very pure. I'm feeling very defensive.

I'm somebody who laughs at their own jokes and listens to their own show occasionally. Most people have a hard time. Non-ego maniacs. I'm just going to say most people, okay? Most people have a hard time listening back to their own voice or also they criticize. Like, it'd be hard for a lot of people to hear their song that they wrote and not be like, oh, I don't like that. Yeah. Sure, sure.

But let's say, like, you. You're Van Gogh, you do that field of wheat. That was... I cover my ear. You covered your ear. That's good. You're getting into character. See, I laugh.

Yeah, yeah, you're getting into character, which is what I asked. Yes. So you're a Van Gogh, and you dreamt up the most beautiful image of this wheat field. Okay. And then you actually got that image from your head onto the canvas the exact way you imagined this fantasy. Yeah. Of course you'd want to stare at it. You were inspired by it.

It was the image that you most wanted to see. And then you've created it. So, like, why wouldn't you look at it? I mean, I agree with you in theory. For the painter. Yeah, you almost got to go artist by artist. Well, no, I like, if the artist did not, like, if the artist also was just staring and not unable to look away, like, I would be like, ugh. That's like getting caught in your own reflection.

There's some myth about that. We're not good at parables. I think it maybe it speaks to pure art where you're not doing it for other people, you're doing it for yourself. So that's the nicest way to look at it. Yeah, like, how about this? Here are your two binary options. The artists had this beautiful image in their head. They got it out and they just love looking at it because there's this thing they dreamt up.

And it's so pleasing and comforting. Yeah. First is what they really love to do is stand in the gallery and watch people look at the painting and then get it. this inflated sense of ego that they're impressed by you. Like, that's weirdly worse. Well, I just think most, and maybe this is not true at all, but in my head, most people who create, I might be projecting, are like perfectionists. Yeah.

Maybe that's not true. I think it's whatever normal layout, distribution. Yeah. Of all personality. I've just never, ever done anything where I think it's. perfect in my entire life. So if I'm listening back or looking back or reading back or something, I only see the things that could be better.

So I see that. And that's kind of my internal argument of why I do it. Because look, I feel guilty. Well, there's a couple things that happen where I'll listen to show. A is like, we have a guess I'm genuinely interested in. Yeah. But I was quite busy trying to conduct this interview. And as much as I'm hearing them, I'm not experiencing them as I would as an audience.

audience member. Yeah. And I want to. Yeah. It's like I love David Letterman. I'll listen to any podcast he'd ever be on. Right. So I do want to now listen to him and just ignore that I'm there.

Yeah. That's one motivation that'll take me there. Yeah. And then my other defense is. We need downloads. I've certainly gotten better because I listen to the show. Well, that I think is great. I think it's very smart for you to listen.

Yeah. I listen. You do listen. Yeah. Yeah, you have to listen. And maybe that's also, you know, this is one of those things. It's like, it's like, did the job make you who you are or are you good at the job because of who you were to begin with? Yes.

I'm so critical. Right. And I, but I have to be. I was going to say you're entering at a phase of the process that being critical is required. It's required. It's like so niche. picky. But you rarely will ever listen to it after. I mean, you just can't get through it. Well, but again, no, like sometimes I will have to for a certain reason or something or like, oh,

shit, we have to go back and I have to make another edit in here. And then I am like, oh, no, I want to make another edit here. I want, I can't do it. Yeah. It's not, it's not. And it's, look, I don't have time. I'm on to the next edit. I don't know. I can't. Keep it moving. Anyway, what happened? What do we get corrected on? lot of that was a long walk for the listener i apologize you sang yeah i i you clocked that yeah i clocked it for eight years i've been asking you to sing on here you have refused and the good lord intervened for christmas the lord intervened wait oh yes you sang i am i see i am a c and you sang it bonnie and i that's i went back and i listened today because i saw so many comments i'm like

she did sing didn't she or when did she sing oh wow And then I listen, and it's so pretty. You do a great job singing that song incorrectly. Spelling Christian A-I-N. Listen, I don't want people to think that's how I sound singing. They should. It sounded beautiful. Well, that's really nice.

Do you want to hear it? No. I do not. And I... You didn't even know that happened. I sing better than that. We didn't know that happened. We didn't even know because I don't think...

That wasn't singing. That was me putting, that was me like doing a half. That was just a rhythm. You could ask a seven-year-old, what just happened if you played the clip and they go, oh, that girl sang. Like, even a child would know you sang. Oh, yeah. This is interesting because now I feel like now I need people to know what my voice really sounds like. Great, even better.

Why don't you work on a song for the next few weeks? No. And then come in and sing the hell out of it. No. Is there a song you sing in your real life along to the radio that you think? you now. I think you know what mine is. Billy Joel, for whatever reason. I think I can match him note for note. I mean, I'm smart enough to know that's not happening. Right. But I feel in my body. I'm like, oh, yeah,

he and I have the exact same range. Yeah, yeah. Okay, I do. Captain Jack, we'll get you high tonight. That wasn't, I didn't pick my ideal moment. You haven't. You haven't warmed up. You got to warn. Yeah. Okay. So I do, this is so egotistical. Oh. Great. Um, I. Taylor. This is like, this is like when Kristen thinks she can play all the Olympic sports. Yes, yes, yes. This is like that.

Yes. Where I kind of feel. Mm-hmm. Like you could be most pop stars? No. It's only when I'm singing along. I cannot do it if I'm just on my own singing. I get way too self-conscious.

Right. But if I am, a song's playing in the car. Yes. I feel I'm pretty really, really good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't say pretty good because I know you've, because again, I, objectively, your singing voice is really, truly 10x of what mine is, I'm sure, like if a computer analyzed it.

And I'm telling you that I think I sing Billy Joel, like 88% as good as him when I'm in the car. Yeah. So you probably feel like you might even sound better if you're being really honest with the audience. I'm like, oh my God. I could be a super star. What am I doing in this stupid car?

Sometimes I'll get a little validation. Okay. From? Who do you sing in front of it? Well, I'm in the car with Jess a lot. Okay, great. And every now and I get, I think I feel comforted because I don't think anyone can hear me. Yeah.

Because you can really only hear the radio. Yes. Or the, whatever, Spotify, whatever it is. Whatever's playing. Yeah. And I think no one can hear me but me. But really other- Even passengers in the car?

Right. That's a crazy thought. I guess I think because it's matched so perfectly. Oh, right. That's imperceptible. Yeah. Just like, oh, there's a fifth speaker in the car. Yeah.

And every now and then- Jess will tell you did a nice job. He's just like, oh, he's like mad that it's so good. Oh, wow, good. That's the real compliment if you make them mad. And one time I was at a bar in Palm Springs, a gay bar that plays musical theater. It's Erica's favorite bar. So sometimes on Fourth of July will go as a pot as the group.

And it's so loud in there. Same situation. No one could possibly hear me singing. And I guess that's not true because Ryan was like, oh, my God, you can sing. Wait, you were just singing sitting at the bar? No, no, no, no. It's playing musical theater so loud on all the TVs. And you just start singing along?

Yeah, because it's everyone singing. It's just like loud and that's the point of the bar. Thank you. It's a sing-along. Yes. Okay. I thought you were just at the bar. No.

On TV, some musical theater's playing and you're like, No. Oklahoma. No. Whatever the theme song is. Oklahoma. Give me an okay, Oklahoma. Anywho.

So I got a compliment there and I felt good about it. And, yeah, but if I'm on my own. And I know he listens, but I don't mind that he hears this. Do you ever not trust Ryan? Because he's so nice. And he's so kind. You do. Yeah.

He'll say nice things to me. And I'm like, God, I want to believe that's so bad. But you're so nice. I don't know if I can trust that. But your nose is so small. Each compliment's individual. Yeah. Just be aware of it, clock it.

No, I don't want. want to. I want to be able to take that, okay? That's the right way to do it. I just, sometimes I think he can't really think that, you know, it is just insecurity. Well, and he's so nice. Whereas, like, if Eric gives you a compliment, you know he means it because it's terrible. And he's ruined your day. He's said the meanest compliments to me. But they're truly compliments. Like, he's attempting and he's putting his foot in his mouth. So it doesn't go well. And then I go, now that's a genuine compliment. It hurt the person's feelings. Yeah, sure.

I don't want him to ever give me any more compliments. Some of the compliments he's given you. And like, before you even say it, let me tell you that I know personally from Eric, he thinks you're really pretty. He does. He thinks you're really pretty. And he's obsessed with your feet. Yeah.

So let's just start that that's how he feels. He's never said, he's never given me any classic Eric horrible compliments about my feet. he they're always very positive uh-huh okay and he gets he lands those regular yeah so hit us with a couple of his compliments most of his compliments are about my skin oh okay which we know i it's triggering it's very sensitive i literally and figuratively yeah i have extremely sensitive skin and my feelings about my skin are very sensitive yeah i your skin looks great thank you and that's an eric compliment not a Ryan compliment. Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

I don't know what to believe anymore. I love Ryan. Ryan, listen. He truly is the sweetest. He's the sweetest and he is so nice, but I've heard him to say mean things. Sure. I don't think every,

it's not like I think he's a bunch of bulls. shit. No, he's just so nice. So, yeah. So he often will tell me like my skin looks really nice. Can you believe it? It used to look so bad. No, no, no, no, no. There's a couple very specific ones I'm thinking of. Like you came over with makeup on maybe. Okay, this is the original one. I was in glam. It wasn't just regular makeup. I was in full glam. To be on camera. Yeah, to be on camera, it didn't look how anyone should look just want. walking around, and he said, oh, my God, you look so pretty. Why don't you wear more makeup?

How will you get a boyfriend if you don't wear makeup? That's what he said. Okay, that was the original one. But he since has given me some, like, really, ones that actually haunt me. Oh, really? Yes. Oh, no. Okay, then this isn't very fun.

I know. Because he's. I know. He would kill himself over. He'll kill himself, so I can't really go there because he does love me. I know he loves me. much and he thinks you're very pretty i don't know about that he does he does he's told me independently in a less clunky way well you know he gives me compliments that are like that too he'll go like um

he'll go you're in such a good mood in nashville over memorial day and i'll go oh thank you and then i'm like as opposed to like why is this worth me and i'll go was there a period that you thought i wasn't Good mood and I'll go like, well, you seem really stressed the week in the summertime. And so it's like, you were in such a good mood. And then I just go, oh, so he thought it was in a bad mood. I'm like rough to be around sometimes. Yeah. So, yeah, he does it to me.

It's just not about my looks, which would sting deeper. Which are really, that's, that's hard. He also said, he said on Thanksgiving, our friends giving, podgiving, he said, no you should drink you're more fun when you drink and I was like what and he said no no you're just like you're less like and I know I know I wanted to say uptight and I and I was like well do you mean like I'm less vigilant I'm paying attention less yeah and he was like yeah and I'm like yeah you would like right right and then you popped in then you said yeah you're just you're just less sharp.

And that was, you were trying to make it nice. I was trying to help, I guess. You were. You were. Well, I didn't help. No, you did. Is there a way to say to somebody, like, what if you do think someone's more fun when they drink?

Yeah. And so they're like, I don't know if I should drink. And you're like, I'd prefer you drank. How do you say that in a way that doesn't make the person feel like they're not fun when they don't drink? Because you could really just be saying you go from an A to an A plus. I mean, that could be the reality. Well, if it's an.

A to an A plus, then you shouldn't say anything. It's only, you should only say something if it's an F to an A plus. If it's really like, oh shit, this is like a horrible person to be around. You're like, I'm thinking about brushing my teeth and like, you should. You're like, oh, fuck, my brother always smells. And that, and they should know that. Is that an example? I say, oh, shit, I got around upstairs to brush my teeth before we go.

Oh, you know, I got to go brush my teeth before. Thank God. Oh, great. Good. Good. I don't think I'm mentally prepared for this. Okay, I'll do it. Okay.

Oh, I'm going to quickly go throw some deodorant on. Oh, okay. Yeah. That's how I would do it. Oh, it was. Okay. Oh, yeah. Oh, okay.

So I, would I, what I, would you gather? I gathered that you don't think I need it. Oh. Yeah. Tell me you're going to go. I'm so subtle. Tell me you're going to go put some deodorant on. Oh, you know what?

I'm going to put some deodorant on before I, before we do this. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's... That is, I don't think you need it. Listen, I am hypersensitive to you. Okay. I don't have to be hypersensitive to Eric because he just says stuff. Yeah.

But if you said that what you just did, I would know. Yes. I would know. I'd be like, oh. And vice versa. I worked with someone. Oh. And the person, I could not help but go like, what a genius fucking road they staked out for themselves.

They're like, you never know when he's going to be here. What's that mean? Like the just the overall vibe is like, he doesn't take anything serious. And it's charming. Right. And it's kind of genius because no one's ever upset. Like, if this person shows up a day late for your party, you're like, this fucking guy rolled in a day late. You think it's so funny.

Wow. There are people that are too dumb to even know they're that way. Yeah. And then there's a handful of people where you're like, this guy's a thousand times smarter than he's acting. And he gets away with murder because everyone has assessed him. Yeah. You can kind of see him jumping off on Eric. Like, Eric started this wonderful thing.

That's the difference between how you would take something he says and what I say. Like, I've kind of claimed this, oh, I'm depleted. dependable and responsible. Yeah. And when I act crazy, it's uncomfortable and disruptive. Sure. And Eric leads with, I'm a loose key. Yes.

And so no, if you looked over and saw Eric naked at Thanksgiving standing on the fucking island with putting a turkey drumstick up his ass, you wouldn't, like, wonder if he had relapsed or if he had lost his mind. Right. If Eric did that, you'd be like, oh, we got to take her to the hospital. Of course. She's had a mental collapse. So, like, you build in, you build in this huge latitude of acceptance.

If you just lead with it and then you, you just live with whatever the downsides. Okay, this is interesting. I think Eric rides the line well. Oh, perfectly. But he, in general, that type of, not his personality, but this one, you're saying like, oh, because. This other person. Eric is reliable. For sure, for sure.

Yeah, I'm not attributing any of those aforementioned. attributes to Eric, only Eric's craziness. Right, right, right. But like, if someone is unreliable or like, oh, like, we'll see if they come or that to me is a defense mechanism of them. Okay. A non-committal, like a refusal to commit to people, things, anything. Because you don't want to be then like, responsible.

Exactly. So I could only. be very, very distant friends with someone like that. I could never really have someone like that in my life who I, like, called deer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so that's the fallout. I don't know how many intimate relationships you could really, really have. Well, no, these people I'm describing, they do totally fine.

They do? Yes, in the same way that like, but like addicts. You know, people are attracted to addict. Why, why be attracted to an addict? They're a fucking time bomb and it's a pain in the ass and blah. blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So someone who might love the goofy guy who rolls in whenever could never date an addict. Yeah, maybe.

And then you would never want to date this unpredictable, you know. Yeah. I mean more. It's not more. I guess what I'm saying is there's an ass for every seat. The person I'm talking about has a lot of options. Okay. But I don't know how fulfilling those relationships are because if this person can't arrive on time.

Decide, decide that this is important, whatever this is. Whether it's the person, the job, the whatever, like, that's really hard. That's a hard life. Like, you have to make some decisions about things. You have to make some... For you and I, it'd be really hard. Yeah. And for some people, it wouldn't be hard at all.

Yeah, I guess that's true. Speaking of Eric. Yeah. Let's also say, there's nobody we love more than Eric. So much. And everyone in America would be so lucky to have Eric as a best friend. Oh, my God. I know.

We're all, we're so lucky. And that is what I'm getting at. So he, so we had secret turkey. Mm-hmm. Which is the best day of the year. It's so beautiful. It's just the most. It gets better.

It gets better and better every year. I thought this year was the best one. And like, it just really fills my heart. It warms the cockles. It really does. Everyone just taking time out of their busy, busy, busy lives to make something for someone. And it's all so thoughtful. Now, can I ask a question that potentially is triggering?

Yeah. Do you think you can evaluate this year's secret turkey independent of your own gift you gave? Oh, I'm only asking because you happened to crush this year. Thank you. Oh, you don't, you don't even mean to tell you that. It was unanimous in the group that you had slayed this year. Oh, that's really nice. So do you think it's possible to evaluate, like for me, if I crushed, I don't even know if I'd be able to evaluate all the rest of

the thing went because I would just be so excited I crushed no I do no I I you can do both I just saw like you know everyone came in we did it at the Richardson's and everyone you know brought their little gift in and put it on the table and I was just staring at that table like oh my god it's a physical embodiment of so much care and love and it's all everyone wrapped their thing and I don't know. I just, it's so beautiful to me. And then it was like, time for Secret Turk. And everyone goes and picks up their present and, like, looks so stupid carrying their stupid

present into the other room. And it's just so sweet. But yeah, so Eric had me. Yes. And he got me the best gift. That's what it was so thoughtful. So on my birthday, I think we maybe talked about it on a fact check. On my birthday, Eric came wearing this like.

shirt this shirt of his was like a family heirloom shirt well is his his high school business he started which was hauling junk away from people's houses and it was this really cool shirt it was yellow it was vintage probably from 88 he's five years older than me i know i think 87 oh possible because i was like that's when i was born and i got really excited about this shirt and i asked if i could have it. The shirt off his back. He did a little proverbial ask for his shirt off his back. He literally asked if I can have the shirt off his back.

And he's, it's a one, it's a one of one. There's not another. And he said no. Good for him. I know. I'm actually blown away. He said no. He said no because he has to give it to his kids.

Right. Now that hurt, but I had to accept it. If you say you're giving it to your kids, it's like, ugh, I guess I have. have to accept it. Cryptonite. Yeah. But it hurt, just like the way his compliments hurt. Sure.

And for Secret Turkey, he had the shirt remade for me. Few copies, right? Yeah. Different colors? Yeah. A couple colors, couple sizes. Yeah. So I can grow into it.

And it was so, so sweet. You should wear it on the next fact check. I will. Okay. I will. Yeah. It was so, so sweet. And then...

You gave, though, our Ryan. Yeah. So on Halloween Okay I guess we have to say this We have to. On Halloween Someone ended up in our house Someone ended up in your house

That was new I mean I know how they did It was friends of her friend And and it was Anthony Ketus From red hot chili peppers What was better though He was a zombie? No like

A mummy. Yeah So there's just a mummy in the house And then at some point he said To someone he was with, like, can you help me get this tape off my face, basically? His entire face was obscure. Yeah.

And then it was a big reveal. It was Anthony Ketus. And... It was powerful. I wasn't here for this, but it rippled. It rippled. I was outside, so I actually never made contact with Anthony Kedis. No.

Okay. We ran into him early trick-or-treating and he was very nice to Vinny, and I had no idea until now. Well, how could you? You're just a nice mummy. He was a friendly mummy. But Ryan, I've never seen him react. And you've seen him around a lot of celebrities. Oh, yeah.

He doesn't care. He himself is an actor. So, but he was like so starstruck and could not keep it together. And he like kept offering to take out the trash so he could walk by him. And it was so cute. And he came outside and he was like, Hithy, he kisses. Yeah, he's like, I can't, he said he couldn't stop thinking about the fact that he was there. Yeah.

Yes. And then the. next day we were watching the Dodgers game and he brought up Anthony Kitas like many, many times. Yeah. It was clear this really had an impact on him. Anyway, I made a photo album. It's a beautiful photo album.

It's, I'm going to shout it out. Artifact Uprising is the brand. Obviously, Callie told me about this because she is the best taste. And it's really, it's like printed on the paper. The pictures are printed on the like thick card stock pages. It's beautiful. It's like bound and you can ingrit, whatever, what's it called? Emboss?

I guess on the front. Anyway, so I asked Amy for 20 pictures of her and Ryan. Their most lovey-dovey cute pictures over the years. And I had Anthony Kedis' face photoshopped over Amy's face on all the pictures. But I got to say, even way better than that. The book is presented to him. And it says the story of R&A. The front says R plus A, and on the side it says a love story.

A love story. So clearly everyone in the room is like, how cute. It's a Ryan and Amy love story, A for Amy. Yep. And then he opens it up and discovered it's A for Anthony. That's right. It's great. You know what's great about it.

It's great in its concept and execution. But then you also got a factor in like Ryan, not unlike myself, has had so many bonkers looks over the years. Yes. There's also so much comedy and just seeing Ryan at 16 and then 21 and then imagining him with Anthony that whole time. Yes, it's great. There's a picture of Amy and Ryan kissing and Amy's pregnant, but it's Anthony and it's fantastic.

Like if Ryan is listening, A, I think you're way better looking to me. You know that. I think you're one of the cutest guys in the world. Are you going to give an Eric compliment? I'm going to say that he had a few years of his life where he looked like Guy Fierry. Oh, sure. He had a very specific hair style. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So to see Guy Fierry wrapped around Anthony Keatis is pretty funny. It was a fun one. But I was scary because I didn't think it was going to come in time. I had to reach out and I was like, and I had to say, look, we have this tradition. It's this. It's really meaningful. I don't know if you can rush it. And they're like, we're going to try.

And they did it for me. And it was really nice. But I had to have a backup. Oh, so you have a set. So now I just own a photo album of pictures. It's like not nearly as good. It's just pictures and a photo album. You go a coffee table book in one of your rooms in your new house.

Yeah. The present I gave was just fine. No, it was fine. But the payoff ended up being really funny, which just happened, which is Molly and Eric and I were with Larry Trilling and Jen his wife and we were going out to see a comedy show at Largo. and we had walked by this bong store, and in the window is this enormous penis bong. Right.

And I said to Molly, you know, you should really think about if you're ever going to smoke weed, that might be a good starter pipe for you. So we have this long joke about this pipe and it's obnoxious and blah, blah, blah. So then we went into the theater and then I said I had to go to the bathroom and then I went back to the bong shop and bought that penis.

Then? Yes, then. I was like, I never ever know of anything. That's fantastic. That's very thoughtful. Hit it in the truck. So anyways, I then decorated this huge glass penis bong. I'm going to back up.

Often, all through COVID, we had this thing where you guys drank so much wine. We did. And I lived to go get it on the motorcycle. And everyone would time me and I was constantly trying to beat my time. But all the time I'm walking out of the store with like six bottles of wine in my hand. And it crosses my mind like, oh, what if a paparazzi photo? And so, of course, I'm standing at the counter. buying this big cockball.

And I'm like, you know, is this something that gets out? Right. So then I decorated it around the balls. I made it like earth and grass and I actually glued like some foliage to it. And then the cock, I made a big candy cane. Yeah, you made it Christmasy. I made it Christmassy to the point where you don't even really know what you're looking at. So anyways, the present's fine.

It would give it a six. But Molly sent me a picture yesterday, the housekeeper. put it, arranged it with all the Christmas decorations. Of course! It came home and it was just on display with their normal Christmas decorations. As it should be. And that made me really happy. It's kind of like the penis from white elephant that ended up ultimately looking like a beautiful Christmas tree.

Yes, coca drawers. Cocker drawers, it was. Yeah. Dick of drawers. Yeah, Dick of drawers. Anyway, yeah, no, it was great. Right, everyone did such a beautiful job. Erica made me an incredible, that game, Guess Who?

Yes. If you've not played it, you like get to give clues like, this person would have fallen down after lunch. And you pick a nerd, I don't know. And she made it with all special people from my world. I know. And she did a lot of work, too. Because she had to, she doesn't know everyone I'm so close to. She got like Panay.

Yes, all childhood. My friend Newman from Detroit. I don't know how the hell she found. out about Newman. Maybe she asked Aaron. She must have talked to Aaron, yeah. That's so sweet. It's very sweet.

But that's so thoughtful. Like someone took the time to find out my closest friends from my whole life. I know. Yeah, that's beautiful. It's a lovely thing. I would encourage people to get into secret turkey. I think Lily should start a business where she like comes in and event tises and makes things like really memorable for your party.

I agree. I think it'll be a cool business for. I agree. Okay. Real quick, I'm going to give one present idea. I think a great thing to get somebody who cooks is a cookbook. There's multiple options here. But, I mean, I'm obviously going to recommend Allison Roman's new cookbook. It just came out. It's called something from nothing. It's beautiful and delicious. And also, or, You could go the route of finding out their favorite restaurant, and often restaurants have their own cookbook. A lot of restaurants do. Or, like, you know, their favorite restaurant in New York might have a cookbook or something. Get that.

And then you pair that. I'm into pairings. Okay? So you pair your cookbook with either, depending on your budget, a nice, like, La Cruzé pan or pot or stob. I got Kristen a wicked lock crusay for Christmas and I wouldn't normally be saying that out loud, but it got shipped to Nashville and she unwrapped it. Oh, so she knows. She got it early. Yeah, like a lock crusay or a stob, beautiful cookware.

Or I also like this idea. There's a company called Francis May. It's a store in Portland. And they have ornaments on their site that are so cute. They have like a parmesan cheese rind or a pomazzo. Tomatoa sauce, there's, like, food ornaments that are very, very, very cute. So I think you could get that and pair it with your cookbook. Yes.

And that's a great gift. Great. I love it. And on this topic, Monica, I would like to tell everyone about a wonderful thing we're participating in this year. So Amazon has this incredible thing called Forgiving Tuesday, right? Yeah. And it's for the holidays. And they ask if we want to be involved.

and I very much wanted to be involved because the Covenant House, which has a mission to help youth and young families throughout the holiday season, Amazon has created a charity list where you can purchase items that the Covenant House has specifically requested. And the best part is everything you get gets shipped directly to them. And there are multiple different people participating. Cynthia Revo is doing it. She has her. Everyone gets to pick a charity.

So mine is Covenant House. And I would love for everyone who's inclined to go participate. And if you want to help, what you can do is go to Amazon.com slash holiday giving to learn more about Amazon's holiday giving campaign and how you can participate. Every gift, no matter how small, can make a real difference in someone's life. So, yes, just go to Amazon.com slash holiday giving to learn more. And if you're interested in Covenant House, they're active 24-7 and 34 cities across five countries. And they're just a wonderful group to support. I love this.

I'm going to participate. Please participate in anyone who's inclined to. has a little extra, go there and send some real essentials to the Covenant House. And that would be great. All right. Let's do some facts. Let's do some facts. Okay.

Jake. Oh. What? JJ. Wait. This is creeps. What happened? This is definitely that my computer is listening.

Okay. Because I typed in. Oh, no, never mind. Oh, it's not listening. It's not listening. I can't hear anything. Okay. There's a cake.

This is the only fact we have for. today. Tom Cruise cake. Oh, the cake he gives out for Christmas. Yeah. Yeah. And I've heard about this before. This is like lore.

Legendary cake. A goal in life is to eat this cake. Oh, is to eat it? Yeah. That should be easy. Just ask Jake when he gets sent it this Christmas. I don't want to eat Jake's cake. Why?

Because that's his cake. You think he's dirty? No, that's his cake for him to eat with his family. So what you're saying you have to, you're only going to eat one when he sends you on? Oh, that's, that's not. That's a goal. Why can't that be a goal? Well, those are two different goals.

That just sounds like a goal of getting a present from Tom Cruise. And then another goal should be, I want to try this cakey sentence to everybody. It's both. It could be both. Yeah. But you might deny yourself half of the riddle, which would be enjoyable, which is tasting this famous cake. Okay. If you're holding out to become friends with Tom Cruise and receive.

I don't need to be friends with him. I think you got to be friends with them to receive a cake. from him. I don't know. Maybe. It's not like everyone he shakes hands with, he sends this cake, too. Maybe he wants to send me this cake. Should I reach out to? I just got a contact for someone in his world to beg him to come on the show. Should I send a request for the cake? No. No. Only if he comes on. Well, I will say if he doesn't, if he doesn't want to come on, I understand can I still have one of the cakes? Sure. Okay. And then that kind of satisfies your criteria. Yeah, that's true. Yes, he has sent it. It's a white chocolate coconut bun cake. And apparently, oh, and it's from a bakery in Woodland Hills called Don. Doans or Doan?

Yeah, do you know it? No, I saw on the image that Rob just put up. I saw Don's. Yeah. And he sends it to a long list of celebrity friends. I wonder how many it is at this point. I mean, I feel like it's a thousand cakes. Can you imagine Doan, who owns this bakery, is like, okay.

Tom's orders coming up. But you know how you're feeling fried? They have to deal with Tom's. So that's my question is what are the logistics of this? Because you can't bake a thousand cakes in one morning unless they have the biggest factory in California. I know, yeah. Which they don't. No.

So are they making them, you know, who gets the one they have. They have to start making them probably five days ahead of time, right? Are they making $200 a day? So someone's getting one that was five days old and someone's getting one that's a few hours old. Well, no. And I wonder if he has a flowing chart of priority. No, no. I bet he gives the list with some advance.

Yeah. And then it's like for two weeks. cakes are going out. Okay, they don't all have to drop. Yeah, on the same day. Tom's, look on not, you'll hear a knock at your door. Yeah. All thousand people at 9 a.m.

And when you open it, they'll be holding a steamy cake. It's like getting into college when you know it's like 9 a.m. You got to check and see if you got in. It's like that. It's 9 a.m. on December 20th. If your door is knocked, you got a cake. Should there be a whole movie about Tom Cruise's cakes? Yeah.

That's like ticking time clock. It's got all the ingredients, pun intended. Yes. For a great high stress. Doc. Just, oh, Doc would be nice. Yeah. I was thinking something fictionalized.

Can we make it so that we definitely get hit? Then we definitely get a cake. The ones that fall. Because they have to account for like 4% failure rate. So they're probably making 100. Because bun cakes can collapse. Yeah. So they're making probably a thousand, 50 of them.

wow an anticipation of dropage leakage how many people do we think we know who's had it obviously jake five jake i feel like camel has to receive one oh yeah right probably i guess anyone we know who's done a movie with us everyone we should have asked billy crudup if he received a cake maybe not because of that cue card situation exactly okay this is a good test yes who gets the and who does? Yeah. My friend said they come the first week of December. Oh.

So throughout the week they're going out. First week of December. I'd like to see that push a little closer to Christmas. No, but it's kind of nice. It's like December. It's starting. My cake is here. I'm in the mood.

I'm in the season. All right. All right. All right. Well, that cake makes me hungry. And that's our only- Emily Blunt cake. Oh, that's a cute for, for...

She gets one for sure. Yeah, but that's... That's good for our Halloween mashup. Oh, yeah. Emily Blunt Cake. Emily Blunt Cake. All right. That's it for Jake.

That was everything. Yeah. Okay. That's the name of the cake. You could order this cake from there. It's on Goldbelly, too. Which means anyone can order it. Anyone can get it.

That's why we're saying it. But I bet the last couple weeks of November, early December, you're not going to be able to get it. They're quote sold out because of Tom. Yeah. You got to get that order in June probably. Yeah. Well, anyway, let us know if you buy it, listeners. Tell us how it tastes.

All right. Okay, bye. Love you. Love you. Follow armchair expert on the Wondry app, Amazon music, or wherever you get your podcasts. listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.