Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Jason Derulo

Episode Date: August 21, 2023

Jason Derulo (Sing Your Name Out Loud) is a singer, songwriter, and author. Jason joins the Armchair Expert to discuss how intermittent fasting has affected his overall health, his experience going to a performance arts school, and paying his dues in the music industry. Jason and Dax talk about betrayal, how inspiring Taylor Swift is, and how the joy is in the journey. Jason explains how he broke his neck, his songwriting process, and his approach to get people to stop scrolling on social media.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Shepard and I'm joined by Lily Pedman. Hello there. Hi. Hi. How are you? I'm great. Oh man, I gotta say, this interview brought about some fun exploration in the fact check. Just want to throw that out there.

Yeah. We could kind of go all over the place. We really do, but we also learned some juicy deets about people's finances and their love lives. Today's guest is Jason Derulo. He is a singer and a songwriter. He has many albums that are very, very successful. Jason Derulo, Future History, Tattoos, or Tattoos if you're English, Talk Dirty, Everything is For. And he has a new book out right now called Sing Your Name Out Loud. 15 Rules for Living Your Dream. And I will say Jason is in hot pursuit of his dream at all times.

He's very industrious and engaged. He is. And his rules are not, I mean, some are not obvious, but like make sense. And then some are surprising. Uh-huh, and fun. Yeah, very fun. He was wonderful. Please enjoy Jason Derulo. Trip Planner by Expedia.

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Visit Tresemme.com to learn more. expert He's an entrepreneur expert He's an entrepreneur expert Oh, Lizzie? Two.

Two? What's his name? Jason. Jason King. He's just so cute. Thank you.

Thank you. This coffee's for you if you want it. Oh, thanks. What kind is that?

It's called a cream top. It's just espresso, water, and cream on top. Sugar? Uh, there's probably some you want it. Oh, thanks. What kind is that? It's called a cream top. It's just espresso, water, and cream on top. Sugar? There's probably some sugar in there. It looks like a... You want a normal cup of coffee?

We also, yeah, we have Keurig if you want regular coffee. That'd be amazing. But that looks incredible. It is incredible. I'm just trying to be on my shit. He got me addicted to them. Damn. Robert Downey Jr. was in here.

Rob got him one. He made a big stink about it. I can't have this cow's milk. And then Robert Downey Jr. was in here. Rob got him one. He made a big stink about it. I can't have this cow's milk. And then he drank it and he loved it and everything was fine. Oh, my God. What are you trying to avoid, dairy or sugar or all above? Doing intermittent fasting most days. And on Fridays, I just fast the whole 24.

Oh, wow. Okay, and how long have you been doing that? Two months now. And what have the results been? My skin has been better. I used to have to take Accutane. I haven't been dealing with any of the acne problems that I had before. That's great.

So that's a major one for me. Yeah. And my camera guy has seen incredible results too. He used to have like cystic everywhere and now his face is like really calmed down. Wow. And then I just look better. Less blowed. Yeah.

Energy better? Energy is not better. I hear that shit. I hear that shit. People say that shit. But I mean, let's be honest. Yeah, you're tired. You're out of fuel.

Well, there's no calories. The coffee helps though. It's an appetite suppressant. It works really well. The other thing is kind of positive and kind of negative is drinking on friday when i'm fasting for 24 hours sometimes i'll just go crazy and do like a 48 after that if i have a drink like it hits me really really hard yeah and it hits my stomach really hard ah this is like kind of poison you can feel that it's poison because nothing else is in there distracting you and And normally I wouldn't feel the poison.

Right. But now my body's kind of like, oh, what the fuck is this? It's very pure and fragile. Yeah. I don't know if I love that though. No. Listen to me. I'm an ex fucking crack addict.

I used to smoke two packs a day. I only ate at 7-Eleven, the chili dogs. Yeah. I felt amazing every day. Uh-huh. And now I'm 48 and i fucking eat perfect i've been drinking years nothing and if i have some sugar the next day i'm fucked i'm like this is insane i've gotten that sensitive and then like your skin i have psoriatic arthritis so if i eat the

wrong foods my joints hurt i'll get rash on my skin. Wow. And I think everyone's symptoms and illnesses are mostly we're allergic to shit we don't know we're allergic to. For sure. So I bet just having the break from whatever thing was triggering you is probably huge. But the fact that your body is that sensitive to all those things now, I mean, it's kind of amazing. Yeah. Your body's kind of like, that's trash, that's trash, and that's trash. As opposed to like when you live normally, it's like all good. Exactly.

And you're moving from one dopamine hit to the next. So it's like just as you're feeling shitty from the lunch, you like have a big ass coffee and then you get another 20 out of that. And then you have a snack and that bumps you up. And you're just on this endless hamster wheel trying to jack up the dopamine. Have you been hearing a lot about fasting as of late? In my circle, the peak fasting thing was like two years ago. Really? It was in Rich West LA scene, hard. All of my social media, all I see is fasting, fasting, fasting. Really? I made it a religious thing on Fridays. It used to just be, I won't eat meat on Fridays. I've done that my whole life with my family. Yeah. But then I was like, oh, this fasting thing is really calling me. So that really got

me in the mode of just intermittent fasting in general. Yeah. Whites of your eyes clearer? 100%. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? Is that the drinking though? Well, that's part of it. Yeah, for sure. The whites of my eyes were also amazing when I was vegan. Oh. Okay. I track that on myself a lot. If I eat like shit, then I feel like shit, then I'm getting a rash, and then I'll just check in with the whites of my eyes. I'm like, oh, yeah, no, that's fucking hazy and dingy looking. You're really in tune. I love this.

Oh, the whole podcast is about his food, his workout routine. I love that. Well, I'm old, so you can float for a long time. I think I'm 14 years. You have some time. No, but this is the moment for you. He's younger than me. This is actually the age where either you're going to go downhill. You're at the fork in the road.

You look at peers and stuff, kids you went to school with. You start looking at them on Facebook or whatever. You'll start noticing like, oh, yeah, people start dropping off real quick at this age. It's the truth. You can look at your industry as well and see how people age. I rather have the longevity and the quality of life in my later years than just party it all out now and enjoy it now.

I could have gone one or two ways. I could have let loose and was like, oh, I've done great in my life. Let me chill now. Or you can have that burning fire inside. And that's what I'm always trying to do is take it to the next level. And honestly, it's that that keeps the trajectory going in the positive direction. Yes. As my stomach rumbles. This is like, I'm still fucking hungry. If you die on mic, if your sales pitch for fasting, you just fucking collapse dead.

Now that would be a tragedy. I'll be dead and mad as hell. Yeah, right? I did all that. You mean to tell me I could have some pizza and some burgers? Yeah. But you just said something that feels intrinsically true, which is I'm either getting better or I'm getting worse. There is no neutral for me.

Facts. There's no homeostasis for me. I just have to be improving or I know I'll be just devolving. What doesn't grow dies, right? So if it's not thriving, then it's just going to go in the opposite direction. I think it's just the exact same truths for us. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, so you're from a suburb of Miami. Miramar? Yes. My beginning, beginning years was in a city called Carroll City. And then we moved up to East Miramar. With George and Wheezy? Moving on up. That's what you guys referenced.

George and Wheezy, they moved on up. Yeah, and then we moved up even more when I was in high school. My mom and my dad did a really good job of pressing forward. How old were they when they left Haiti? They were really young. They went to college in Florida. Oh, okay. And your mom went to law school? Yeah, my mom went to law school later in life in her 30s. Okay. They got here

as adults though? I would say 16. Okay. But they met in Haiti or they met here? No, they met in college. Oh, they did. Okay. They went to a community college in Miami, Florida. My dad saw my mom and was like, she's the one. And it hasn't stopped. Actually, it did stop. It took a pause. Which is not very normal, right? They divorced. And then they got back together. I love those stories.

Me too. I've never heard one of them. I forget who. Someone has married the same person three times. Really? Yeah, there's people that have even gone back a third round. I love that. How long were they separated?

Two, three years. Really long time. Yeah. And then I guess you live apart and you realize life was better with each other. I think there's that. And then also I was with a girl for nine years. We broke up. The first year I would have explained every reason we broke up was her fault.

Then that all dissipates and I don't really feel that way anymore. And then I just started realizing like I did so many things that were wrong. And I just found myself calling her randomly and apologizing. So I think it takes a minute to not focus on the other person being to blame. And then you start kind of just sitting with shit you did. And maybe that's where you kind of course correct. But that was happening when you're already out of the house, I imagine. Yeah, yeah, I was already out of the house. A lot of arguments and turmoil can come from money fights. And when I was a kid, my parents would fight all the time about money. In the back of my mind, I'd be like,

I'm going to fix this. I thought that I would be the savior of the problems that they had. And even with the money, there were still money problems. Yes. Isn't that crazy? It doesn't fix it. I am currently in a two-month spiral of just completely out of hand financial insecurity. Explain that to me. This new fear of I'm going to somehow be broke or I'm going to lose everything. Podcasting is going to be over and there's an actor strike and I'm not going to act. It's so foundationless, it's preposterous.

It's literally impossible. It is impossible. It's not related to reality. It's from growing up poor. I just can't shake it. So to your point, you watch your parents fight about money, you think money's the problem, but money's not the problem. It's not.

It's way deeper rooted. And I think we proceed with a fantasy that that thing will fix what's going on with us, and we work relentlessly to get it, and then we get it, and we go, why aren't I magically fixed? I was supposed to be fixed, right? You're so right. I mean, I remember as a kid having this Lamborghini on my wall and I was like, one day I'm going to get that Lamborghini. Well, I got that damn Lamborghini and I drove that thing like two, three times. And I was like, now what? You know what I'm saying? And then that helped me to realize where my true happiness lied. And it was not in things.

I've had so many things in my life and things do not make you happy. What makes you happy is being able to do the things that you love. What money is, though, is freedom. Yes, security. Security, those things. But it's not happiness. Happiness really lies in what your passions are and where your love lies. Mike Tyson has the best quote.

He says, anyone who tells me that a lot of money will make you happy, what I know about them is they've never had a lot of money. That's facts. I think I've seen that. Yeah, that cuts right to the quick. But I imagine if your parents moved to the States from Haiti, they're ambitious, they're go-getters. They're adventurers. High dopamine, probably. Passionate. Probably a little bit mercurial. They were hungry, obviously. They came here for opportunity, and they chased it down. So I imagine it was the family obsession climbing that ladder. It's a typical American dream story. My mom's eldest brother was the first one to come to America, and he worked a couple of jobs and brought each sibling over one by one. There was 15 of them.

Wow. What a sweetheart. Yeah, so he started it, and obviously when another sibling was able to come over, they were able to join forces. He had enough for a baseball team. Yeah, I had to pick it up. were able to join forces. He had enough for a baseball team. Yeah, I had to make it up. And they just really, really just started from the bottom. Where I think that I started from the bottom, it was a totally different bottom. Bottoms are all relative. You know, we all think that we start from some sad story. There's always a sadder story out there, but this one has a happy

ending and the whole family was able to come over. And this is really, really the land of opportunity. And I love this country for that. Were you, I'm going to speak for Monica. So Monica's parents are from India. Wasn't trying to get kids over to the house to see how Indian they were. Did you have any shame about the Haitian-ness of your house? I didn't. In Florida, there's a lot of Haitians,

but there was like a battle between Haitians and Jamaicans where I'm from. So on every Haitian flag day, I knew that I was going to be in some sort of fight. Oh, whoa. Not a fight that I started. I knew I was going to be in it. With some Jamaicans. With some Jamaicans. It was the weirdest thing in the world. So it was a cultural area. Diverse, it sounds like. Very, very diverse. Would the Jamaicans say Haitians be Haitian? Because I just thought of that. That would be good. Haitians be Haitian. Haters be Haitian.

I don't know. There's something there. I think that was like three Taylor Swift. Haitians be Haitian? I don't know. But just Haitians be Haitian. That's great because there's nothing really offensive about that. It's just the truth.

It's the truth. Yeah, but I grew up in a very, very Haitian household, so all of my meals, I spoke Creole in my house. When I was a kid, I only spoke French. I didn't speak any English. Really?

I lost the French, kept the Creole, and then learned to speak English. Do you ever sing in Creole? I haven't before. Why not? Yeah, you should

I'll tell you a question. My favorite thing is when artists incorporate whatever their thing is. Like T.I., he's bringing in these words that he clearly was saying in Atlanta that I fucking love. Even Anderson.Paak, he's pronouncing words in a weird way. Yeah, no, you're totally right.

I definitely should. Do you want Rob to drop a beat? Rob, can you? Can you hook it up, please, one time? Put some compa on for me. Did you have siblings growing up? Yeah, one brother, one sister. Older ora on for me. Did you have siblings growing up? Yeah, one brother, one sister. Older or younger?

Both older. Both older, so you're the baby of the family. Oh, baby. Yeah, man. I tried to follow my brother around everywhere that he went. It would make him upset. Same. How much older is your brother?

Five years older. Same. That's a tough gap for us. It is a tough gap. Big, big physical difference. But you got a sister in the middle there. Oh, no, she was the eldest, actually. Oh, oh, oh. That's a tough gap for us. It is a tough gap. Big, big physical difference. But you got a sister in the middle there. Oh, no, she was the eldest, actually. Oh, that's worse.

Yeah, she was the parent. Yeah, no tolerance, these older sisters. No, for real, for real. Yeah, and we grew up in a very small house where all three shared one bedroom until my sister was really fed up one day, and she made the makeshift bedroom for her in the living room loft kind of thing. Then she had her own space with this wooden door. That wasn't a door at all. It was very humble. I never thought to myself, are we broke? I think my parents did a very good job of giving us a good enough life where we didn't know that we were broke, but we actually

were. We had some nights where my brother and I, we created this thing, we would call it sleep water. And all it was, was water and sugar. And when we were really, really hungry and we couldn't fall asleep, we would have this water and sugar so that it could ease our stomach and we could fall asleep. You've been training for this intermittent fasting thing. Exactly. Yeah, I definitely was. Muscle memory. You get interested in music really, really young. Yeah. You write your first song at eight. You go to school in a gifted and talented program, like an arts school maybe. Yeah. How do we begin our interest and how do we express that?

How do we get put into that trajectory? I saw Michael Jackson for the first time and I was like, wow, this is what I want to do. I told my mom and she was like, yeah, yeah, baby, I know. Everyone wants to be Michael Jackson, baby. Welcome to planet Earth. Literally. I just became obsessed and would just watch his videos and try to do his dance moves and sing the songs. But every single day for hours and hours and hours and hours.

Until finally my mother realized that I was different. This wasn't like a normal kind of obsession. And then that's when she put me into this summer camp that had music in it. And I was like, oh, this is a lot of fun. She talked to the teacher and was like, how's he doing? And the teacher was like, he has a gift. He seems like he has something special. And then she's like, what do I do? And he's like, why don't you put him in like a performing arts school? And that's what she did. So I became this arts kid and fell in love with classical music, fell in love with jazz, fell in love with musical theater, and that started a whole new life.

So are you so grateful that you got put in that pipeline as opposed to going to like traditional high school where other things would have been valued? There are other musicians that are successful that don't know how to read music or sing classical music, but I think it's amazing to know. I think it's amazing to have information. And I think I have a lot more information musically than the average artist. Right. I just have so much from different genres, from genres that are way older than we are.

I think knowledge is power. Whether it shows up within the music, I don't know. But I enjoy knowing that I can whip out an opera band anytime. That's a good party trick. I'd like to see that. Rob, drop a violin. Drop some strings. But also just being in an environment where to be good at that is valued.

When you did theater in my high school in Detroit, it wasn't a good look. No one was thriving that was in the theater program. But I also think it depends on how good you are. Anyone loves an amazing talent. Well, that's true. Yeah, yeah. So if you're in theater and you're just like in there and you're just sitting in with the pack, I mean, you're not going to get patted on the back. But I think that's with everything, right? No, auto shop, you do fine. All you got to do is smoke cigarettes right on the break. You don't have to actually be able to uninstall anything.

I was going to say, and I got to take that back because even if you're fitting in with the pack as an athlete, you're still good. Yeah, people leave you alone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, truth. So what happened out of high school? You start writing music for a lot of people, but I want to know how you get from the performing art school to that. Yeah, it was weird, man. So right after high school, I got my first writing placement and I was like, oh, this is cool. Like I can make money writing songs for people. How on earth did you figure that out? Miami is kind of like a bucket of crabs. You know, everybody's trying to pull each other down to try to get up the ladder. To work with a producer, it was tough. So I had to be like, oh, I'm a songwriter,

pose as a songwriter, and then I'll be allowed in these sessions. Oddly enough, I just started to get in these sessions and different producers were working with me because I was saying I was a songwriter. When I was just saying I was an artist, I mean, we don't really want to work with this no-name guy, right? We want to make songs for the people that are out. I have to imagine the, quote, artists outnumber the songwriters by 100 to 1, as far as people who are pursuing that. Definitely. So I was able to get in these rooms.

My intention was to just take these songs that I was writing in these rooms and then just put it on a demo and then get a deal somehow. Yeah, yeah. But then they started to get placed. That just started a whole new journey. And is the money good? No. It's literally nothing. Okay.

Because I was working with people that were taking advantage. I was a young songwriter, so I won't mention who those people are. That's how it works. People are still around today. Yeah. I would never do a young writer or producer like that because I know how it feels. Yeah. I would never do that. But in essence, it's called paying your dues. But later on, I was able to get Just Do. But anyway, my mom put a kibosh on the whole thing and was like, you got to go to college. I'm like, wait, what? I'm like, mom, I don't need college. I'm writing

these songs. I'm going to be a big artist. My mom was like, no, you got to go to college. At least give me two years. And I was like, all right, I'll give you two years. So I go to this musical theater conservatory in New York. It was a lot of work, man. It was really, really tough. Was it in the city?

It was, 70th and Broadway, called AMDA. That's like a reputable one. Yeah, for sure, for sure. You like that one? I know about it. American Music and Dramatic Arts. Yeah, Academy. Academy.

Okay, you know it. Well, I did my research on it. So I went there. I was still writing songs for people. Were you lonely? You left Miami. You knew everyone. Now you're in New York by yourself.

It's a big, scary city. You're probably living in a very shitty situation. I went there scared. I'm moving out of my mom's house. This is crazy. Yeah, who's going to cook for me? Yeah, exactly. Because I didn't learn how to do any of those things myself. I was too busy trying to write songs all the damn time to learn how to actually live a life. to learn how to actually live a life. So I get there. I don't have very much money. I had as many ramens as you could possibly have.

And then I figured out that there's a fruit stand that I can get a banana for a quarter. So I started eating hella bananas. And nobody told me that it makes you constipated. Oh, yeah. But then you're saving on toilet paper. I did. Yeah. That's right.

Medical costs for when you think you have appendicitis. So don't go on a banana diet. Yeah. I had great years there. I learned another level of hard work being there, trying to write songs and do school. At any moment during that experience, were you thinking, maybe I'll do musical theater? Maybe I'll try to be on Broadway. I did.

I used to go on auditions. It was part of the curriculum. Oh, to be auditioning and trying to be working. Yeah, to audition. But I went crazy with it, and I just enjoyed it so much. And it became like an obsession to me because I kept getting no's. Yeah. And I was just like, damn.

Like, I would get a callback, and then I'd be like, just bring you up to bring you down. Yeah, callbacks are always worse. Yeah, it is. It's like, you think it it's a chance especially if you get two callbacks it's like this might be the one guys you start letting hope in yeah which is dangerous oh my god the mind just goes like okay i'm call back i'm gonna get this once i'm in that then i'm gonna have an agent you build an entire life on this one moment in time for sure so i was going on these auditions until I actually booked a role on Broadway in Rent, Benny. No kidding. What year is this?

2007? Wait, you've already won Showtime at the Apollo. Same time period. Okay. Things are happening. Really quick, have you ever watched that show? Uh-uh, no. Okay. You never saw Showtime at Apollo? No. It's incredible. You know, when you tank there, if you eat shit, they let it rip.

Yep. They boo you off the stage. It is the highest stakes performance of your life. Yeah, there's no show like it. I mean, they applaud people that boo. Yes. I went on that show. I won the show.

Won the finale. Wow. I thought that was going to be my big break, but again, it was a callback. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was still writing songs. my big break, but again, it was a callback. But I was still writing songs. That entire time period is one that I'll never forget because I always felt like I was on the brink of something. It just kept tearing me down. So many doors shut in my face. When I finally got somebody to tell me yes,

then I declined it. You turned down rent. Yeah. If I do this, I'm going to be a Broadway performer for the rest of my life. And though that is cool, I don't think that's my path. I want to sing the songs that I write. I want to do original material. And that is not that world. And I knew if I did that, I would have been as successful as I am. I would have just stayed there. I got the yes. It's like what you need to feel like, okay, I can keep going. Some validation that you're on the right track. Masochistic. Yeah. So you turn that down and then how do you end up, you get signed by J.R. Rodham. He's huge.

I didn't know. I saw a picture of him and I was like, well, this is not who I was expecting. Yeah. He's a South African dude. Yeah. They saw me on MySpace. Okay. Now we're talking.

New media. Yes. Yeah. So they wanted to sign me as a songwriter, publishing deal. And I fly to Los Angeles. I meet with him. And in the first session that we have, we do six songs that evening. That you had brought with you?

No, that we created. No kidding. And then we were like, oh, this is a great connection. And he was like, you should be an artist. Oh. And I was like. I am. That's what I've been fucking waiting for.

That's what I've been saying. My whole life. So he signed me as an artist as well. So he discovered Sean Kingston. And Sean Kingston was his big artist, like, claim to fame at that time. But he had produced songs for everybody in their mind. But that's really what I was there for, is to kind of write for Sean. Oh, okay.

And my first song, What You Say, was a song that I actually wrote for Sean Kingston. And it ended up being my song because his label turned that song down. They turned it down. And this is your first single. It sells 5 million copies immediately. It's number one on Billboard? Yeah. Top 100?

Mm-hmm. First song out. That's unbelievable. Equivalent to being struck by lightning seven times. Yeah. What did it feel like? Were you like, it feels like what I thought it would feel like? No.

The worry setting. How are you going to match that? Yes. How do I not become a one-hit wonder? Because that's what is on people's mind when you fresh out the gate. Especially at that time. Yep. I feel like it was happening in the zeitgeist.

It was a single world all of a sudden. Exactly. Ringtone. It was a ringtone world yeah like napster time very similar time now but way crazier it's way more one-hit wonders now than ever i think oh really tiktok yeah because of social media i mean you can get a song going and then make a hit by mistake look at gangnam style do you remember how absolutely ubiquitous and never-ending that song was? Oh, my God.

I mean, to this day, if you play that song, people are going nuts. Yeah. One of the biggest songs in the history. Yeah, I heard he's worth like $3 billion. No. I'm just playing. Oh, my God. Good for him.

No, I actually did hear that he's worth a crazy amount, though. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Because, I mean, he's massive in other areas. In Asia. Yeah, yeah. He's from Korea, I think, maybe. And he was going to school here for music, and he wrote that song. Oh, really?

I think that's the story. I hope he doesn't sue me. He apparently has enough money for a really good legal team to come after me. Okay, so that happens, and understandably, you get a little panicked. Yeah, I was like, I got to put my head down and figure out what the next song is. But at that point, I walked into the office to the Warner Brothers with What You Say and Rod riding solo i hadn't written in my head yet so in my head became my second song that we wrote while what you say was still on the rise okay this happens in racing right where dudes that are great second place drivers they're used to following someone for much of their career and then when

they finally get the right car it's a different skill leading the race, not following anyone. So it's like wanting, wanting, wanting is one thing you know well. Holding on to something you have is completely foreign to you. Definitely. Right?

And it just creates all this fear of like, well, now I have something to lose. Before I had nothing to lose. All I had was this dream to maybe accomplish. But now I have something that can go away. That's what's so tricky about success is like, is it ever even fucking pleasant? Because the second you get it, your brain switches immediately. And when am I going to lose this? This is the two month spiral I've been in, which is like, well, certainly in six years of this, they're going to take this away.

When does the shoe drop? Yeah, go into survival mode. But I think it's just trying to push the envelope forward and better yourself and try to get to the next level that keeps you successful. So in your book, Sing Your Name Out Loud, 15 Rules for Living Your Dream, what one did we learn the hardest so far? This would be, I guess, 2009. The majority of them have been learned. What hasn't been learned is the power of their circle and knowing who your team is. So everything up to that point was pretty much just me rolling up my sleeves. I mean, you can't do it all by yourself. Right. You're a one man show. First of

all, why do you need more people? And then how do you get comfortable trusting other people? So I was lucky because I was born into my hive. Because the rule is called respect the hive. And it's basically talking about the people that are around you and how you pull from their energy and they pull from yours. And you should be able to learn and grow from everybody in your circle. But especially having gone to college, I was away from my family. I was away from everything that I was used to. So at this point, it was just me, me, me, me, me. It wasn't until I got back to Miami from college

that me and my cousins and my brother, who have always been the closest people to me in the world, we got back together and it clicked up and figured out how to get a studio ourselves and make songs and then go and pass out demos and go to strip clubs and try to have a DJ play my songs. But it was a group effort, you know, and they were maxing out each other's credit cards and like trying to make it look like we were something that we were not. But like it was the four of us. I don't think I would be where I am today without them because they were the backbone. They were the guys that were in my corner. Well, they believed in you clearly. They did. Yeah. That's incredibly powerful. And then back to like, yeah, the success, I think in retrospect, you realize, oh no, that's the best part. The best part is that shit right

there. Yeah. The journey. I mean, it's so cliche, but it's so true. When you end up looking back, it's like, well, my funnest times were at the Groundlings, performing with a bunch of other broke comedians and praying people came to the show. That was actually the most fun fun. Isn't that crazy, though? It's the absolute truth. My favorite times are the times I can remember where it was the grind, staying up till 3 in the morning, writing a song that I didn't think had any potential at all. You know, when I heard the riding solo beat,

I was like, oh, this is kind of trash. And my friend, it was like 3, 4 in the morning, he was like, ah, let's write one more. And then we went through the beats, and I found the beat that I hated the least. And it was this beat that I didn't think was great, but it wasn't terrible. And I wrote a song that people, like, really, really love

and come to me all the time and say that's helped them through a hard time. But this was just a random night being the broke kid from Miami, Florida with my broke friend, teenagers, just in my mom's basement. I love that, though. This doesn't have to be perfect. I just have to push through and do something. 100%. Stuts.

Yeah. You'll never do anything perfect. You'll never do anything flawless. Yeah. You just got to anything perfect. You'll never do anything flawless. Yeah. You just got to march forward. For sure. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare. Sasha hated sand, the way it stuck to things for weeks.

So when Maddie shared a surf trip on Expedia Trip Planner, he hesitated. Then he added a hotel with a cliffside pool to the plan. And they both spent the week in the water. You were made to follow your whims. We were made to help find a place on the beach with a pool and a waterfall and a soaking tub and, of course, a great shower. Expedia. made to travel. This episode is brought to you by Secret. Secret deodorant gives you 72 hours of clinically proven odor protection, free of aluminum, parabens, dyes, talc, and baking soda. It's made with pH

balancing minerals and crafted with skin conditioning oils. So whether you're going Hey, I just got us a new Coca-Cola spice. Nice. What's it taste like? It's like barefoot water skiing while dolphins click with glee. Whoa, let me try. Nah, it's like gliding on a gondola through waving waters as a mermaid sings. Nah, it's like Coca-Cola with a refreshing burst of raspberry and spiced flavors. Yeah.

Try new Coca-Cola Spiced today. Did you have any betrayals? Oh, betrayals. Yes. Great question. Jamie Foxx, Jamie Foxx. Give us a name. No, no, no. So there was a production team out of Miami.

They put a lot of time and energy into me. And I put a lot of time and energy into them. They were some people that started off with the same situation. Like, let me write songs for you. And then they kind of wanted to sign me as an artist. That just never panned out. They were just never the best option. That was okay to me.

At the end of the day, I have to do what's best for myself. And if you don't have the best option for my career, I'm not just going to shoot myself in the foot just because we're friends. It just doesn't make any sense. And the deal that they were offering wasn't great either. So later on, when I'm writing my first album, I write a song that is reminiscent of one of the songs that I did with that team. I write a million songs. Literally, I write songs every single day of my life. Unknowingly, did the same damn melody.

The album comes out and instead of calling me and being like, yo, you used the melody from blah, blah, blah. They sued me. And it just like hit me to the core. I was just like, bruh, if I had had known I would 100% have given you the credit you also didn't have to sue me if you would have hit me I would have been like oh yeah I owe my boy some money yeah I'm never gonna intentionally try to scam somebody it's just not in my nature especially someone that I think is a good guy somebody that was from my childhood yeah So that was a moment that I felt like somebody kind of stuck a knife in my back. Yeah.

I think when people feel left behind, the worst version of themselves comes out as well. Yeah. I can understand. I was sued by one of my best friends for a very similar thing. Really? Yeah. Damn. A lot of people we have in here have stories like that.

And I find it interesting, because it is sad if you put yourself in the other person's shoes. Like, who wants to be the person that is suing one of their friends? Yeah. It's not great. On your deathbed, would you have rather been sued by your best friend or tried to sue your best friend? I'd choose the former.

Same. It's all about what you're going to live with. All right, so you release your second album, Future History. You're supposed to go on tour, and right before tour starts, you break your back. And I almost can't believe that this could be true. You break your back because you're trying to do 50 backflips in a row? Yeah. No!

Oh, my God. I don't know if 50 is the number, but we were training just for stamina. Before the tour started, you wanted to be on your game and be able to put on a good show. This was what the coach was. Okay. You had a stamina coach. No, he was a tumbling coach. Okay.

Gymnast, you know, psycho guy. Uh-huh. They live to be hurt, gymnasts. Yeah, but I never tried to suit a guy or anything. I think his heart was in the right place, but his brain was somewhere else. Okay, so really quick. Had you already known how to do a backflip or did he teach you? Okay, when did you start doing backflips?

This is the most impressive physical feat a human can do is a backflip. It's a back tuck even. Yes, back tuck. No hands, no hands. No hands. I used to be able to do one too. Well, you're very impressive. I've applauded you many times.

I can't anymore. Two-time state champion. Oh, really? Yeah, cheerleading. High flyer. Oh, sick. I've applauded you many times. I can't anymore. Two-time state champion. Oh, really? Yeah, cheerleading. High flyer. Oh, sick. I could see that for sure. Well, you know.

The smug. Yeah. You see it throw around. Okay, so how long had you been doing backflips? I only had been doing the back tuck for about a year. I was constantly trying to learn new moves, constantly trying to learn new acrobatics. That part of my life is over. The intention for doing it on stage?

Yes. I was literally taking on a new move like every month, doing more and more and more moves. Building the repertoire. Yeah. Okay. So you're on, let's say 38 out of 50. We don't know what the number is, but you've done a tremendous amount of them. Yes. And what happens? I'm going through them and I'm knocking them out of the park, doing the best that I've ever done.

He's like, let's do it on the hard floor, you know, because I want you to feel like what it's going to be like on stage. After 38 of them. Yeah, let's finish. No, let's start there and finish on the pad. Yeah. When we're tired. Or into the pit, you know. Anywhere.

In the pool. So I feel myself slip. I bail. And you're never supposed to bail. Yeah. For the lay person, that's not a tumbler like Monica. What is bailing would be like, you go up, you start that rotation. You go, oh, fuck.

And then when you try to turn to your side or something. So you panic and you kind of just stop. You try to catch yourself as opposed to just committing to the mistake. You think you can stop it before the point of no return. Exactly. But you're already past the point of no return. And once your feet leave, you're past the point. Yeah, you just have to go.

Yeah, we can't change our mind at this point. So midair, you're like, fuck. And then you just drop like a rock onto your back. And then I land on my head. So I actually broke my C2 vertebrae. So consider it more your neck. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Okay, so then I'm confused.

I thought you did both those things. No, no, no. Oh, okay. Just the C2 vertebrae, which is higher up. Yes. That's scary. So that's the hangman's break. So it's the same bony break when you get hung.

Oh, yeah, paralysis. Yeah, or worse. Did you hear a pop? I did. I thought, oh, fuck, oh, fucking fuck. And then I was like, okay, I can move my eyes. I can move my fingers. Good.

I can move my toes. All right. And then laid there for about five, six minutes. And my mom is outside. She's in the parking lot. And I'm thinking to myself, what the fuck am I going to tell my mom? So that was my concern. I didn't even know what was going on.

But I still didn't think that I broke my neck. Right. You know what I'm saying? You thought you just hurt yourself. Yeah, I thought I hurt myself really bad. Did this Navy SEAL coach of yours want you to get up and you got to rip one right away? Get on the horse, Jason. He's like, he slapped me on the ass and said, walk it off.

No, I'm just playing. Oh, my God. I'm just playing. I'm just playing. Oh, well, he should be sued then. said walk it off walk no i'm just playing oh my god i'm just playing i'm just playing no so you're never supposed to get up when you have a neck injury so i got up and i'm holding my head and i get to the car and i'm like mom i think i hurt my my neck a little bit we should probably just go to the hospital just make sure you're trying not to scare her but i'm in excruciating pain it's like hurting like a motherfucker. Yeah. So every single bump seemed like hell on earth.

And then when I get to the hospital, they sit me in the waiting room. But you're never supposed to sit someone with a neck injury in the waiting room. That's something that I learned. Okay. Error number two. Anyway, so I finally get to the doctor and we take the x-rays and he's like, this is serious. You broke your c2 you're gonna be out for almost a year I was like what kind of recovery is that

one eighteenth of my life you know I'm saying I had to cancel my tour it was like my biggest tour at that time eleven cities was it only eleven that's what it says you're probably right though I mean I thought you broke your back twice so that reliable I am as a source. But yeah, I had just got off the road with Lady Gaga, but this was like my headlining. You were headlining this. My own thing. What a bummer.

In Europe, was it? Yeah, it was a European tour. It was a European tour. So did you have to wear like a braid? Did you have a really sexy neck brace? Yes. I ended up getting a sexy neck brace later. You bedazzled or anything?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's funny. Yeah, I had this designer make this crazy neck brace later. Bedazzled or anything? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's not, yeah. Yeah, I had this designer make this crazy neck brace that had black diamond things that weren't diamond. The cubic zirconium. I'm shocked that didn't take off as a style. Like a bunch of kids on the dance floor with like bedazzled neck braces. That could have really taken off. That could have been something.

It could have. Yeah, because the Kendrick Lamar face covering. But we all had to wear the face cover. So that's why that made sense. Yeah. But now it's something different, no? That's not COVID related at this point. Oh, it wasn't?

Well, it was then. I think not at the Super Bowl. Really? No, I think that was his style. I don't know. I'd have to get his phone number and then call him. If he picked up, I could ask him. Were you so demoralized?

Yeah, I can't believe that shit happened to me, honestly. Yeah. Because nobody breaks their neck, right? Right. And also, you get a taste of something. You're like, oh, this is going to happen. Of course not. No, now I'm not going to be able to perform for a year.

Kind of like Kanye in that car accident. Yeah. That was the same time, too. Like, right when things were happening for him. Not even done with the album. Yeah, true. He's got his jaw wired shut. He's probably thinking, I can't do this. You know, it builds a different kind of character and it builds a totally different

monster inside you when you can't do something for so long. Because at that moment in my life is when I was the most focused. When the world shuts off, so to speak, in my life is when I make the biggest gains. So I wasn't able to take a shower myself. I wasn't able to tie my own shoes. I wasn't able to dress myself. I wasn't able to do anything myself. But what I did have was focused time and energy. At that time is when I wrote my Talk Dirty album, which ended up having five multi-platinum singles on it.

It ended up being one of the more successful albums of all time because of the focused energy and the routine. So in the book, I talk about the power of routine. I woke up at the same time. I ate at the same time. I worked on my craft at the same time for the same amount of time every single day. And through that power of that routine is the magic that happened on that album. Wow. What is the hardest part of your routine to keep?

I love a routine too. But going to bed on time is my Achilles. It happened two nights ago. I'm like, what is a Jake Paul documentary? Yeah. When people hate this kid, let me see what's going on with this kid. And then it's 1.30 in the morning. I'm like, oh, fuck, I was supposed to be up at 7.30.

I struggle with falling asleep on time as well. But I wouldn't say that's like my hardest one. The hardest part of my routine is probably diet. That's very relatable. Yeah. Yeah, man, because that's one of the joys of life. Food is like top three. I think it's also compounded by culturally for you. I think that first generation, they're still like, they miss the food from home. They're cooking the food from home a lot. I think it has a bigger significance too. It does. Because that's like the last thing of your culture that you can still enjoy here in this other place. Yeah, and you get used to eating with the people that you love and care about.

And it becomes the place and the time where you bond with the people you care about most. Totally. So what's interesting, and I agree with you. So I, for much of my career, was a writer. And so I had all these routines. When I had a script due, I would go to this hotel and I do everything the same. And weirdly eating is a big part of it for me because I can't ever get full.

If I get full, I can't really work. I'm not really sharp. And the longer I would delay when I could eat, the better, the more productive I'd be. For me, it's like you're exerting control on all these little things so that you feel confident to control the creative thing you're trying to control. Which you don't have much control over. Exactly. I got chills because it's so crazy that some

people have very similar kind of isms, especially, you know, really successful people. Because before a show, the longer I've held out before eating, the better that I feel. I cannot go on stage with a full stomach no matter what. Yeah, you would suck, right? Yeah. I feel like I'm sharper. I feel like I'm better. Yeah. Another thing I have to do is I have to give myself permission to do shitty work.

I'm writing from this time in the morning till this time in the afternoon, period. You're allowed to write something shitty. You just have to keep those fingers moving. afternoon, period. You're allowed to write something shitty. You just have to keep those fingers moving. And then I think just giving myself permission to suck, inevitably I don't suck. Something good will come out of it. Something of the day, and I'll rewrite the next day, but I can get kind of overcome with this desire for it to be great. 100%. Yes, I do give myself permission to be shitty. There's a lot of songs where I felt came out amazing when I felt like I wasn't at my best. And I used to have a rule when I was younger, if I'm too tired, I'm just going

to call it a night until I wrote fucking smash hits when I was tired. And then after that, I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? You're tired. You got to keep writing. You did some of the biggest and greatest shit you'd done while you were tired. So now it's become a part of my lifestyle. Me being tired is not an excuse anymore. I have to do a specific amount of time. And once I've done the proper amount of time, then I'm like, okay, we've accomplished the day. Because I think a lot of writing, when you reach a certain point, it's a numbers game. So everything that you do is not going to be the best that you've done. But the more that you do, the more chances that you have of writing something amazing.

Yeah. You're just up at bat the entire time. Eventually, you're going to fucking hit a ball. You just got to take a quadrillion pitches. Exactly. Can we actually talk about stamina for a second? Because we moved past it because you broke your neck. But the point of him making you do 50 tucks. Go ahead and say it.

I went to Taylor last night. It's three and a half hours. What is it, 45 songs or something she sang? 47 songs, I think. And she is moving the whole time. And has like 12 outfit changes? Yes. And I know she is singing, but if she was mouthing the whole concert, it's still phenomenal.

I can't believe it. How are people doing this? Let me tell you something about this girl. Taylor is a freak of nature. She is amazing. And in a lot of ways, as big as she is, she's still underrated. When people are talking about talent and work ethic, I watched Taylor do a performance. It wasn't three and a half hours, but it was still really long. Taylor's show has always been long. This had to be maybe like four years ago, like before the pandemic. So I watched her do the show. And then after the show, she's like, hey, you want to come to the meet and greet? I'm like, not really, but I'll come. that she set up as like a party room.

She'll go from table to table to table. I just couldn't believe how much time and energy that she put into this meet and greet after she did that entire show. It was just like so much. And it was inspiring to me. And I was just like, I got to shut the fuck up and do these meet and greets. You know, because I would like limit my meet and greets.

It's like, I'm going to make sure I'm good for my shows. So I had good reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But look what the fuck Taylor is doing. She humbled me quick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah.

Watching someone work their ass off is very humbling. Yeah, and she's so giving, and she deserves everything that has come to her. Because now I think she's like the biggest grossing touring artist of all time. Yeah, you can say she has $3 billion, unlike the other person you've dealt with. It's amazing. Yeah, she's so dope. touring artist of all time. You can say she has three billion, unlike the other person you just told me. It's so amazing. She's so dope, and it couldn't have happened to a sweeter human being.

I think it's the genre to theorize on why she's underrated, because I agree with you. They're not looking at her like Prince or something, right? Yeah. But I think somehow it's the genre. Writing off that she has a young female audience, I think there's some light misogyny happening. Yeah, I mean, you talk about the songwriting. The songwriting is amazing. She puts on a fantastic show. She invests in her show. It's like a real spectacle. It's so thought out. She is a marketing genius. I mean, true genius. The secrets that are placed within the songs for the people who

know the thing and the community gets together. I think it's unbelievable. Yeah. I remember one time she was like, let's try something. I'm like, what? She's like, let me post one of your songs and let's see what happens. Like, oh yeah, let's see. Sure. She posted one of my songs and instantly that thing started to just climb up on iTunes. I was like, Taylor, this is crazy. It was just kind of like, this is my favorite song right now. Solid takes.

It's like Oprah's book club back in the day. She said that it was a good book, boy. That thing. That's for sure. Good luck finding it the next day on the shelves. Okay, so since 2009, you've sold 250 million singles worldwide. 11 platinum singles. 19 platinum singles, but nobody's counting.

19, damn. No, we can count. We're allowed to count. 19 platinum singles. But within that, there's still up and down, right? I'd like to hear your advice on that because no matter whose career you're looking at that you think is one way, if you really go,

we just had Ethan Hawke on. He made this great documentary about Joanne Woodward and Paul Newman. He's like, Paul Newman tried his hardest sometimes on movies and they fucking were complete failures, right? They were critically and commercially. You don't even think about that because you just think of all the hits. Everyone's ride is up and down and up and down. I think it's so much more valuable to know what to do when it's down than when it's up. There's stats in the NBA. There is a list of the top 10 most missers of all time.

And amongst the top five of the most missers of all time. Oh, can I guess this? Jordan's on there. Yes. But who else? LeBron. Yes. Kobe.

Yes. Isn. But who else? LeBron. Yes. Kobe. Yes. Isn't that wild? If you look at the top five of the most misses of all time, each and every one of them are amongst the greatest scorers of all time. So the more shots you take, the more shots that you have the potential of making. So I apply that same thing within my life and within my career. Nobody remembers the misses. That's so powerful. It's like far more missed than made.

Yeah. And I just love that stat so much because I love when sports can relate to life. Yes. There's a similar one in football. And I don't know shit about football. And Rob might correct me. But all the biggest scoring quarterbacks also lead the league generally in interceptions thrown. Really?

Yeah, they're related. They're throwing big, crazy passes all the time. I believe that. A lot of them, they're related. They're throwing big, crazy passes all the time. I believe that. A lot of them, they're scoring and a lot of them get intercepted. You've got to take the risks. The more you put yourself out there, the more opportunities that you have to succeed. The problem is, we all always get really hung up

on, what if I fail? What if I miss? That we end up hindering ourselves from ever starting in the first place and it's the starting it's just putting it out there especially in 2023 I mean there's just so much opportunity now you can just release shit to the world at a drop of a dime and not have to pay a million dollars for something there's all kinds of people that are thriving these days. The pages like with the bee lady that is just saving the bees, you know, has like 30 million followers

or like someone who's cleaning the sewers and showing us what it's like to work a sewers is now getting all of these huge brand deals. You can be anybody on the planet. You just have to take that swing time and time again, wake up in the morning, get your routine down and the world is your oyster. And that's why I wrote this book, because there's way too many people out there that are

abandoning their dreams for grad school or doing what the norm is and what their parents might've told them or the teacher might've told them and not following their passion or not putting themselves out there enough. And I think it's important for you to follow your passion and do what you think is going to make your life the happiest. Because at the end of the day, money will follow, success will follow, but the joy is in the journey. The building the shit is the fun part. Tree forts, they're a blast to build. You never hang out in them.

When it gets built, you're pumped for a day and then no one ever goes to the thing again. Yeah, man. Fail. I would imagine your career, my career monica's career there's these momentum shifts like sometimes velocities high it's 2009 you're fucking five million downloads and then the momentum slows down when you're feeling that momentum slow down how do you reinvigorate it how do you change the direction of that momentum i'm constantly thinking of new shit i'm never just staying within the beaten path.

I'm always thinking, what can I do different? How can I change? How can I morph? How can I become a new Jason Derulo this year and come out different? Whether it's what my body looks like, whether it's a new strategy, whether it's putting my energy into socials, whether it's putting my energy into trying to figure out a new marketing plan, whether it's trying to figure out what my new look is, what my new fashion is, how am I going to shock the world this month? What am I going to do that's going to shock the world now? A lot of

what we do today is shock value. I mean, let's be completely honest. Well, cutting through the noise. There's just so much noise. You just got to keep shaking shit up. Now, I can't imagine you would have seen this coming, but right after you leave Warner Brothers Records, you do Savage Love, and it becomes this insane viral sensation on TikTok. And then the song peaks at number one in the UK. It's remixed by BTS. That goes on to be number one on Billboard.

Am I getting all this right? Yep. I'm fucked up a few times. I'm waiting for you to correct me. But ultimately this thing is enormous. You're the 15th most followed person on TikTok. Even for you knowing you're throwing a lot of things at the wall, that's got to be one of those moments again where you're like, well, okay. Didn't see that one coming. That's pretty wild. So it was the pandemic and it was a kind of down period in my life as well because I had just gotten out of this deal with Warner Brothers, which I thought was going to be a happy moment because I sold 200 something million records across the world. Right.

I thought every label was going to be jumping for joy to try to get me. Yeah. I went on to the marketplace and people were like, oh, it's too expensive. Oh, we don't know. I was like, what? Yeah. your place and people were like oh it's too expensive oh we don't know i was like what yeah talk about shock to ego shot to everything that you could possibly imagine i'm like what do you mean like how so i'm like cool i'ma figure this shit out myself proving people wrong that's fuel to me when i get shit on i always get some new sort of energy that it's just work work work work

work so i made it my business to put my energy into both music and writing songs, but also figuring social media out. Because my whole career, that was my downfall. I had all these hit records. People couldn't put my face to the songs. It was the weirdest thing in the world. Christopher Cross. Everyone knows Sailing. No one knows what he looks like. Yeah. So it was a weird place that I was in. So I was like, I'm going to utilize this time to figure this out. So I looked at what the top people were doing in different areas, come up with a plan that worked for me, that I was going to post six times a day,

no matter if there was shit content or it was great content, to figure out what the fuck people wanted. Why is it not connecting? Like, what do you want from me? It was through that experimentation that I was able to learn what made people tick. After a period of time, I could know what a video was going to do and how many views it was going to get because I started seeing the pattern and I started to see what got people going. What does get people going? I'm the worst at social media.

It's embarrassing. You have to think about yourself as a scroller. So if you think about yourself as the fan, you can instantly know what makes you scroll. Titties. Maybe you shouldn't think about it. That makes you stop scrolling. Scrolling is a bad thing. You don't want people to scroll. So titties is going to make you stop scrolling. So that's a good thing.

I just wanted to say titties. So sometimes it's literally just popping on the screen, a big ass face. It's like, damn, what the fuck? Who's this? What the fuck are you going to say to me? That's going to stop me in my tracks because I'm scrolling from video to video to video to video. It's going to take a lot for me to stop. So what you have to do is offer me something.

In this first two seconds, I need to know what the fuck you're going to offer me in this video so that I know exactly what I'm getting. Because as a scroller, we're very selfish. We want to get something from a video. Are we going to learn something? Are we going to be entertained? Am I going to laugh? Am I going to cry? Am I going to want to fall in love? Tell me in this first second, because that's all you got, what I'm going to get out of this video, that is probably 55% of social media. Yeah. It's getting people to stop scrolling. I'm not good at that. Me either.

No, you're getting really good. Well, no, Liz is good. Liz is helping, yeah. Our friend Liz is good. If you collaborate, it's pretty catchy. Collaboration is amazing. The more you can get other people's fans to come. Well, that's one of your rules.

Collaborate, period. Choose people you can teach and learn from. Yeah. How do you curate that group? What I did was I brought all of the same ideals that I did with music, and I brought it to business, and then my businesses started to flourish.

You know, because I had failed companies. I had a vodka that failed. I had a clothing line that failed. And then when I started to utilize these ideals from the book that I learned from music, I utilized it in business. Amazing. Then I utilized it in social media. Social media started to thrive as well. So all the same shit just works everywhere. The same thing for music. An intro to a song, like you got to keep

me. I get so mad sometimes. Some of my favorite artists too. They get this like 15 second quote comedy sketch at the beginning of this great song. And I like give me the great I'll go to fucking Will Ferrell if I want some comedy give me that good song sometimes I get a little frustrated yeah same same it's important do you ever get frustrated I'm like who's doing that oh there's a lot of it what yeah the better they are the more empowered they feel to start doing some comedy bits. You ever notice this is like a status dynamic. Have you ever watched whoever has the highest status in any group it could be the CEO of a company or something.

All of a sudden they think they're 27% funnier because people are going to laugh way easier. Well by the way because people will laugh at that. It's not their fault. Damn I really thought I was funny. Yeah me too. We all suffer from it. Yeah no. People will laugh. People will laugh at you guys. It's their fault. Damn, I really thought I was funny. Yeah, me too. Everyone, we all suffer from it. Yeah.

Yeah, no. People will laugh. People will laugh at you guys. I worked for years for General Motors, the car company, and I'd go to these dinners. The person that was eighth level, which is really high up, they'd tell these stories, and they were fucking sleepers. People would be laughing hysterically. I'm like, this guy thinks he's Jim Carrey.

How could he not? Not his fault. It's other people's fault for laughing. He wouldn't feel so empowered to tell all the fucking groups that he was laughing. You're all feeding into the problem. I have two little fun, quick questions for you. Or maybe you won't find them fun or quick. I love The Meters, the Isley brothers.

And you played Ron Isley. Yeah. I just learned this today. The fact that I've not seen this movie, Spinning Gold, I'm furious at myself. It's a really cool film that kind of takes you into what the mob life was like

in the music industry. It's interesting to see how the mob bosses, so to speak, were controlling the whole situation. Even the Isley brothers. Yeah, for sure.

Where were they at? Motown. It follows the life of Bogart, who was like the puppeteer that just found these amazing artists that became some of the biggest artists in the world. Okay. Second thing.

My fucking 10-year-old just auditioned yesterday for Cats. Really? Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. Did you know I was going to go there? Rum tub tugger? I didn't. I didn't expect that.

So my life now is hearing cats all day long. Oh my God. You're going to be in their house all day. Wow. I have a hunch that movie is going to be on a couple thousand times before the performance. Oh my God. Ironically, it was on the day before yesterday at my house. It was just randomly on HBO.

So we were like watching as a family. It's crazy. That's just cool to be a part of something like that. Yeah, for sure. I mean, it was just so many incredible performers. Idris Elba, to Judi Dench, to Ian McKellen. The greatest. Did you feel embraced by all them?

Yeah. Make you rethink your deserting of Broadway when you could have? Some happy people. My wife's a musical theater person, and I meet all of her friends from there. They are all happy as hell. I might be the happiest group of people. And they're so fucking supportive to one another. It's crazy.

All just like incredible people, just very, very supportive and wanting to make sure that you feel comfortable. Because, I mean, it could be intimidating being in those kinds of rooms. Yeah. Idris Elba? I would be. He's a beast. Definitely. How tall we think he is?

6'3", 6'4". Oh, I'm going to wrestle him if we ever get there. I'm going to wrestle him. 6'3". But I'm wiry. My last question is, you do The Voice Australia. And so how long will you be down in Australia? Is it filming Sydney?

Yeah, so three months. And Sydney is one of my favorite places in the world. To be in there for a chunk of the year is pretty incredible. I've always thought about buying a house in Australia. Bond Beach? Is that the spot? Bondi. Bondi.

You've already been down there? Yeah, we already shot it. So we just have to do the finale. That lifestyle for you, that works? Oh, yeah. To me, it offered a change of pace because I tour a lot. I don't spend very much time at home. So to have a home in Australia for a stand-up time was awesome.

It also allowed me to make a lot of music. I was going to say, you can't get too distracted down there. A, you've got this incredible time zone issue, so you can't ever really get on the phone with anyone, right? It's like you've got to call at 5 a.m. when they're going to say, you can't get too distracted down there. A, you've got this incredible time zone issue, so you can't ever really get on the phone with anyone, right? It's like you've got to call at 5 a.m. when they're going to bed or whatever. There is nothing else for you to do other than that show. Trust me, I thought about fitting some shows in, and I was just like, ah, it's not really worth it. Yeah.

I was straight. Enjoy. I really did enjoy it. It was a really good breath of fresh air. And there's room and opportunity for more seasons down there? I'm into it, so I think I would do it again. Okay, great. Well, listen, it's been a delight meeting you. I hope everybody checks out Sing Your Name Out Loud, 15 Rules for Living Your Dream. I think you have been someone who's constantly reinvented and reimagined and executed on a

million different trajectories. And it's impressive. So I imagine it'll be very inspirational to a lot of people. Thank you, man. Thank you so much. And that little boy of yours, boy, that's a cute little guy. Thank you. Thank you. I got to comment on your grass, too. Your grass is amazing.

Thank you. And it also inspired me because I didn't think real grass could look that good in Los Angeles. It's a polarizing topic, as you know. There will be people that are mad that I have real grass. Really? Yeah, but topic. It is. As you know. There'll be people that are mad that I have real grass. Really?

Yeah, but it fucking rained for six months this year. I ain't too worried about the grass right now. Oh, shit. Yeah, people get mad if you don't have fake grass here.

Really? Well, because we're in drought a lot. I get it. That's a lot of fucking land to have fake grass. I know, I know. It's too hot to walk on

because then I'd be like, oh, great, I have this yard. I can't fucking walk on it. The dogs can't go on it. The kids can't go on it. But do you know how expensive it is per square foot? I had it at the old house and you can walk on it. It was too hot. I had to hose it down to walk on because then I'd be like, oh, great, I have this yard. I can't fucking walk on it. The dogs can't go on it. The kids can't walk on it. But do you know how expensive it is per square foot? I had it at the old house.

And you can walk on it. I had to hose it down to walk on it. Then what? Then I'm using water to cool the damn grass off. Yo, that's hilarious. Where do you live currently? At Tarzana. Oh, you do?

Okay. Yeah, grass is hard out there. It is. I've been kind of going back and forth. I'm doing a lot of renovation as well on my place. Yeah, you can get some space out there in Tarzana. Yeah, a ton. All right. Well is. I've been kind of going back and forth. I'm doing a lot of renovation as well on my place. Yeah, you can get some space out there in Tarsman. Yeah, a ton. All right, well, I wish you a ton of luck.

Yeah, likewise. And it's been a delight. Thanks for coming. Yeah, thanks so much for coming in. I appreciate you guys. Thanks for having me. This was amazing. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.

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Next up is the fact check. I don't even care about facts. I just want to get in their pants. Okay, welcome to the fact check. Welcome to the fact check. I do want to say it again. Thanks to everybody who went to Ted Seeger's and ordered Ted Seeger's. All these people have been receiving their Ted Seeger's and taking pictures and making videos and then sipping it for the first time.

And then we've been getting like the best, like it's just generating the funniest content like they should be writing for us like one was like um can't wait to drink 18 of these and drive up to chili's need to drink a bunch of these and go on a motorcycle ride someone said this is delicious garage beer i was like oh aaron and i were both like oh garage beer that sounds pretty great that It does sound nice. I get what that means. It's like sitting in your driveway or garage. Yeah, you go out to your garage fridge, grab a beer. Well, good.

So is it still sold out? Oh, thank you. So yes, it is sold out. Now people are going and it's sold out, but we have initiated a new batch. We should be completely restocked and ready to receive orders in a few weeks. So I will keep everyone posted. Great. Okay.

This is for Jason Derulo. There was an Easter egg in the Kristen fact check. Jiggle jiggle. Yeah. That's right. Wiggle wiggle. There's a that's right Wiggle wiggle Speaking of Kristen's been sending me All these videos

Of the kids When they were little Especially Delta I know but even like Even just little Lincoln In there in the back. And she sent me one that was so funny of Lincoln getting so annoyed with her. For not handing over the thing to me.

Yes, the watch. Give it to daddy. That's daddy's watch now. Delta. It's so exasperated. Like a sibling dynamic is just instant. It is. It doesn't take any time to develop.

I kind of saw Lincoln in a new light when I was watching these because there's, well, the first video Kristen sent me was of them. I mean, Delta was probably three and Lincoln probably five, maybe younger. And they're like doing ballet in the house, and Lincoln's doing hers. And then Delta's like, watch this! And is like trying to... And they're both in tutus. They are. They lived

in those, remember? Yes, yes. Tights and tutus. And Delta's hair's so fucked up. It is. It looks like her head just came out of a fucking dryer. I know. Clothes drawer. Static. The back's all sticking up straight.

Yeah. And she's like, watch this. And watch this, Lincoln. And like trying to get her attention. And Lincoln's just ignoring her. And she only wants Lincoln. And Lincoln is ignoring her. Yep.

And it's really sad. Like, so sad. and then she turned yeah that's that's what that's what the thread of all these videos is is her and i said it last night we were watching a bunch in bed and i said you've always had a short fuse yeah well she tried the nice way. She did. And then she started stomping around like that. And it's funny because I'm in that video. I'm on the like toilet. Yes. And I obviously was feeling really protective.

Let's just be clear. You're sitting on a toilet with your clothes on. Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't want people to think that. Yeah. You're taking a shit during this video or something. Closed toilet. I'm sitting on it on my phone with like a paper, so I must be working or something.

But I'm not paying attention to them, but I'm obviously listening because when— As soon as you hear Delta's feelings hurt. Yes. As soon as it gets like sad, I jump in and say, Lincoln, we always watch you do your ballet. So, you know, it wouldn't feel very good if we ignored you. And then she like watches it and it's a mess and whatever. And, but when I first watched it, I was like, oh my God, I'm like. Assertive. Hard on her. And which I don't remember being, but now it kind of makes sense because she was always so

mature Lincoln yeah yeah misleadingly mature yes yes that's been a problem of mine with her when she'll make these very age-appropriate mistakes I'm like confused exactly and it feels like well why why are you doing that because you know. And she doesn't know better. She's four or five or whatever. Yeah. So I was like, oh, man. Also, you've always just had a bond and an affinity for Delta. And she's the low status person in the household. So you've always been very protective of her.

Yes, exactly. And I was there to watch her. So it was a different dynamic but but still i do think i would have been more understanding although i mean i will say kristen in the video is also like lincoln she's asking nicely but anyway it's just funny to go back well really quick let's finish how that one ends because i think it's so hysterical so lincoln looks at her like for one second and then she goes, I'm going to be a teacher one day and I'll teach her how to do this.

And Delta immediately, Delta's now misleading in the opposite direction because you think she's a dum-dum. Like she can barely talk, but she picked up on that burn so quickly and she immediately goes, I'll be a teacher. I'm going to be a teacher. I'm going to be a teacher

and I'm going to show everyone I'm a teacher. I wouldn't have even thought she understood what that meant in that moment. She was so advanced. There's another video

of her talking about the moisture on her baby doll. And she can't really say the word. She's saying moista. But she's saying moisture. And it's like, how does she know that word?

The other great one is you're playing Elsa or Anna. I don't know which one gets frozen. Yes. Oh, my God. And Delta's playing opposite, the one that's unfrozen. And she has to give you a true love kiss to unfreeze you in the anticipation and the amount of time she like goes in and then almost kisses you and doesn't oh is it funny it's so funny oh my god but then so there's a video she sent of lincoln doing ballet again at the actual ballet recital or something. Yeah. And she's doing it and she's taking it really seriously.

Yeah. And doing- There's also 20 kids waiting their turn to do their little prance across the floor. Yes. And she's taking it really seriously and she does it perfect. And then Delta like pops her head in the camera and is like, I want to do that. I'm going. But only this part.

And she just pops her head in the camera and is like, I want to do that, but only this part. And then she like runs out there and does the like absolute most ridiculous. She looks like when a pony is born and they start walking all fucked up, like the first hundred steps. That's what she's trying to skip. And it's the craziest leg movements. It's crazy. But, and it's, it's bad, you movements. It's crazy. And it's bad. Yes, but adorable.

But it's so cute. And everyone is laughing and cheering. And I was like, I'm Lincoln. Like, I could really connect with her. Oh, my God. She just did that perfectly. She'd been paying attention. She was probably practicing.

And then Delta just runs out, does this ridiculous. Chris Farley. She looks like Chris Farley for sure in SNL sketch. She does a sketch. And then, and everyone's like, yes! Like so happy. I don't think she was in that class. She just like. She'd come with us because everyone had to go.

Yeah, yeah. But she wasn't in the ballet class. No, she wasn't a student. No, she just made herself the center of attention. But I really felt. For Lincoln. I really felt bad for her. And you can see her in part of the end of the video.

And it's really sweet because she's laughing too. And like she decides that it's okay. Yeah. She's very sweet. She's had to deal with that a lot. I know. The baby director video people would watch. And it was so funny.

I know. Yeah. And there's another video of us singing Oopsies I Farted. And Delta and I and you and Kristen are behind the camera. You don't see Lincoln, but she's there. And we're like singing it and Delta goes, only Monica and me. And I don't even know, I didn't know who she was talking to, but at the end of the video, Lincoln's just like right there and she was saying it to her.

It's so mean. Did you see the video of her playing the guitar, singing her song? Yeah, when you guys were playing guitar at each other. Oh, not that. Oh. That was great. No, this one's just Delta playing the guitar on the couch. And this is her song.

I love my mommy. Oh. And not daddy or Lincoln. Oh, no. She's stringing. Ring, ring, ring. I love mommy and not daddy or Lincoln. Oh, my God.

Wow. She's just always been so strong-willed. That's what I was really observing. And so charismatic just from day one. I mean, that's hard. That's hard. To have that as a little sister. Yes.

Totally. And you know, especially now, Lincoln is like accepted, embraced, supported, still feels like she's got her own lane. Like it's been really lovely. Still feels like she's got her own lane. Like, it's been really lovely. I think it's almost even helped accelerate her learning that she's not going to have all the attention. Yeah. That there'll be some kind she gets for this and other people are going to, like, in a weird way, I think it's advanced her a little bit.

Yeah, for sure. For sure. No, it's really admirable. I had a hard time sharing the spotlight when I was younger. You know, like, I wanted the white hot. I was Delta. Yeah, it's really admirable. I had a hard time sharing the spotlight when I was younger. You know, like I wanted the white hot. I was Delta. Yeah. So that's different. So she probably is going to have a harder time.

Right. And my brother's always been like always proud. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah. That's really nice. But he was also five years older. When you're less than two years old, I think that's much harder. Yeah.

I mean, they'll be in junior high at the same time together. Yeah. I'm sure Delta will be making a real entrance. Yeah, it's really admirable. As much as, you know, I watch those videos to gawk at how cute Delta is, but kind of my takeaway was like, wow, Lincoln was up against a lot. Just if it makes you feel better, I have those moments too. Like I'll be watching some of those videos and I'll hear the things I was concerned about at the time. And I'll just think, you didn't need, you know, like you could have had more faith.

Yeah. But it's hard. I mean, how do you. You don't know. When you're in it. It's the first time, you know, it's everyone's first time dealing with these people. Yeah. I want to watch one right now.

I'm going to see if Kristen will send me the guitar one. Hi. Hi. Will you send me the one with Delta playing the guitar, I Love Mommy and not Lincoln and Daddy? Of course. We were just watching videos like that. We just started it.

What ones were you watching? We just watched when you and Lincoln were playing the guitar, and I was like, let me do my first car wheel. When you're in the background, acting like a chimpanzee. I'll send it to you. All right. Thanks.

Yeah, she just learned how to do her first cartwheel really badly. Oh, it's not even. To call it a cartwheel is like calling a bicycle a pickup truck. But it's also, it's like a part two because one of the other videos she was also trying. She thought she had mastered it. No, she was like, I can't do it. Oh, you're right. She was defeated. She got defeated.

She's like, I'm never going to do it. Oh, my God. I also look so young in these. I know. It's crazy. Yeah. It is crazy, because I don't think've look any older than when I met you. But then I look at those and I'm like, oh, yeah, you're like a little girl.

I know. I've really aged. No, I have. I have. Anyway, well, it was just, it's so fun. And when she was sending me all of them, I was so so overwhelmed by how much i like couldn't stop watching and want and want to go back in time and play with her yeah so nostalgic and me too it's interesting in the place i'm in where i don't have kids uh-huh but to have all these like

maternal feelings right it's weird i weird. I bet. Yeah. Okay. Anything new from the week? Anything good? Before I jump into facts? And I'm going to a baseball game tonight with Nate. Oh, that's fun. Very excited about it. Dodgers?

LA Dodgers versus who knows? I'll find out. Milwaukee Brewers. Oh, the Milwaukee Brewers. Ding, ding, ding. Why? Brewers. Oh, the Milwaukee Brewers. Ding, ding, ding. Why? Brewers. Oh, because Ted Seeger's?

Yeah, they're beer brewers, and I'm a beer brewer. Maybe I'll be rooting for the Brewers. No. How can I not? My brother in arms, the Brewers? No, they're your competition. What if it was, though, the Philadelphia Podcasters? Yeah, they're my competition, so I can't root for them.

I'd feel like a kinship. Brewers are good. There's two first place teams playing each other. Oh, really? Oh my gosh. Wow, that'll be fun. I'll pay attention to very little. Are you going to have a hot dog?

I told you what always happens is every, not every time, damn near every time I've gone to the Dodgers, I sit in these really great seats that my agency owns. They're awesome. I go mostly because it's free food in there. The Dugout Club.

Unlimited hot dogs. It's great. Jason Bateman has season tickets and there may be like three rows behind where the Dugout Club is. So anytime I've gone to the game, he can see that I'm there. And I'm not a baseball fan. I love the experience of watching the game in person.

It's so fun, but I don't follow it. So I always leave in the eighth inning. I'm to beat the traffic, right? Yeah, yeah. And every time, I will have not seen him, and then I'll look at my phone when I get in the car, and it'll be from Bateman. Couldn't hang in there, huh, bud? Oh, that's funny. Burning me that I'm a shitty fan. The traffic at traffic of that stadium is especially shitty. Oh yeah. It's

comical. Yeah. I'll even when the White Sox play one time a year, if it's not a close game, I'm kidding out of there. Cause it's an hour and a half otherwise. Well, I think that'll be fun. Ah, yeah. I'm really excited. What other kinds of foods do they have? Like cakes and stuff? Oh, money. Money, money, money. Money, money, money, money, money. Oh, I know something I'm not telling you. But first, let me tell you what they have to eat there.

They have a full buffet bar inside. That's nice. They're like carving prime rib. Wow. Salad bar. Omelets? Maybe. Lots of stations.

Always a pork offering, a chicken offering, a beef offering. You know my mom loves a buffet. And a cafeteria. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they're cousins. Loves? Loves.

We always do this. Why? I try to remember her favorite cafeteria. Is it Loves? Oh, no. We do always do this. Yes. This is a what's on first.

Who's on first. Also, Mozzamo. Hickadilly. Sm always do this. Yes. This is a what's on first. This is on first. Who's on first. Also, Mozomo. Hickadilly. Smiley. No. Happy. Marie Callender's. Yeah, that's not a cafeteria though.

Yes, it is. I think. No, Marie Callender's is not. Oh, really? I love Marie Callender's. They've got a really great cheese soup. Oh, my God. And a great salad bar.

Marie Callender's, I miss you. Brina used to like once every two months because we were broke. That would be our big date. We would go to Marie Callender's, I miss you. Brina used to like once every two months because we were broke. That would be our big date. We would go to Marie Callender's in Marina Del Rey. And we would fucking Marina Del Rey calendar? And we didn't get an entree. We just got the salad bar and we ate a gallon of that cheese soup. Oh

my God. Yeah. Birthdays were there. She would take me there for my birthday. That's so cute. We partied at the Marie Callender's. Wow. I didn't know there was one here. In Marina Del Rey. I hope it's open still, but I'm not sure that it is. Big shout out. Big, big shout out.

There's a bunch. Oh, there are still. A bunch? I hope they're still serving that cheese soup. It's cheese and potato soup. Delicious. I wonder if I'd still like it. You shouldn't go back.

I don't like the fast food restaurant that'll remain nameless. Okay, this is my obsession for the last few days. Okay. I discovered this on the internet. First, my friend Ben Kosolke sent it to me, who's a DP who did Freebie. He's a really wonderful, creative, I love him. He sent it to me first, Instagram post,

that Steven Seagal put out an album in 2004. Have you seen this on the internet yet? No. And one of the songs, he has a full Jamaican accent. And he's singing in Pigeon. What? Oh, yeah. It's so Apex Steven Seagal.

And I can't stop listening to this song. And in the morning when I do my cold plunge, I listen to it. It's preposterous. Can I play it for you? Listen for Punani. Oh, my God. Oh, it's so cringy. Can you believe he did this?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. What's his ethnicity? Okay, great. I'm glad you brought that up. He has, in many movies, played Native American. Okay. Played Italian. He's Jamaican in this song. Yeah.

He's Putin's pal. He's Russian. I mean, he is whatever he wants to be that morning. He doesn't give a flying fuck what anyone has to say about it it's insane oh my yeah nationality says American Russian Serbian okay but playing Native American whenever he wants and he speaks with

a Native American generic Native stereotypical Native American accent in these movies this is what he is saying him want the punani and me know it nice when the girls start to strut you could look at her but you shouldn't do that think about just that because her clothes are just as pretty they're not just to cover her kitty girl girl what you really want all night me want the buddy

make me feel nice boy what you really want all night me want the punani see for make nice baby the way you walk is so hot let's have a shot of rum then i'll make you come oh with me to the ocean that would be fat p-h-a-t You can be my bow cat. Nice ittle breeze. Oh, my God. Monica. No. No, I hate this. Hold on.

Hold on. You got to hear that passage I just read. Oh. Ew. It's so gross. With me to the ocean. It was a nice pause there. A lot of double untucked right happening. Holy fuck. Every morning when I come downstairs, I play the song and I strut inside the kitchen.

Yeah, to make the girls puke. It is. Disgusting. I can't stop listening to it. I send it to Nate. He can't stop listening to it. No, stop listening to it. You're going to give him.

It's insane. It's like watching The Room. What's the diff? Well, this is bad. This is appropriate. Well, I didn't appropriate it when Steven Seagal did it. And a lot of times, and I've said it on here, I don't always agree with this claim of appropriation. This is the most, I don't think I've ever seen a more blatant appropriation where I'm like, oh, yeah, now that's the definition right there.

I don't know what needs to happen. You know what there needs to be is like an incredible documentary about him. Yeah. I bet it would be fucking so good. Because look at these faces. I mean, just to go, he went to studios and he's like, so here's the thing, I'm going to play a Native American. I have the perfect accent.

I'm going to play it in this movie where I fight for my land. For my lion? My land. Oh, land. Also, if you heard my new song, Struck. Oh.

I may want to pull your nanny tonight. Oh, God. Okay. He's like, also check out my new movie where I'm a fucking guido. Hey, I'm going to chop you.

Oh. Wow. Apparently making a Russian documentary right now. Oh, he himself is in production. About Russia's special military operation. Well, he fancies himself a special ops. There's those photos of him hanging with the russian special ops in special ops gear update on my bolognese sorry one last thing before we move on you know he had a show where he was a cop yes we've talked about it a lot on here okay we're talking about it enough what a lot of people

don't know about me is i'm a sheriff in Louisiana, Paris 13. I protect these streets. And then I play blues guitar at night downtown New Orleans. Oof. I hate this. Oh, God. Holy smokes, what a guy. Okay, okay, now we can move on.

Well, you can see my level of giddiness. That's taken three days of my life. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Oof. Did she send to Chris and send the video? Oh, okay.

Here we go. Thanks for your patience and your patronage. So much. But I don't really like badass. I don't really like badass. Why? I just don't really like that dance. I don't really like that. Why? I just don't. I just don't. No, that was it.

Wait, okay. Hold on. Oh, no, she's back. She's back. I love my sluts. I love my sluts. Oh, my God. She's running from Instagram.

She's like a drunk. Like those movies where the country star is too drunk to go on stage and goes out anyways. That's the song. I love my mommy so much. And I like daddy. Love so much. Oh, fuck. God, that's so funny.

What a gal. Okay, update on my bolognese. Oh, God. So funny. What a gal. Okay, update on my bolognese. Oh, thank you. That's another exciting thing that happened. This is in a two-way tie with Strut by Steven Seagal. Your bolognese, which I had two nights ago, and over rice. So it's sandbagged, right? It doesn't have a fair shot.

It was fucking delicious. I mean, I thought I was at Chateau. Like, you nailed Chateau Mermon. Wow. Well, that's an Alison Roman recipe if anyone wants to try it. Good. Oh, my God, is it delicious. There was a lot of garlic in it, which is part of why it tasted so good.

Yeah. And I was like, I was just willfully ignoring that for about half of it. And then all of a sudden I was like, I'm going to pay the price for this. And then I started pulling out chunks of garlic that I was, when I was being willful, I pretended those were onion, but they were clearly garlic as I pulled the chunks aside. And they're so good. I love that chunk of garlic.

So I did have some flaky eyebrows later Sorry That's alright And some psoriasis on my penis and testicles Oh my goodness Yeah, but that's gonna pass That usually only lasts a couple days And worth it

Rubbing the garlic on there I stirred it with my testicles That's where my psoriasis likes to show up It's so I'm so grateful for it So nice That's really where where my psoriasis likes to show up. It's so, I'm so grateful for it. So nice. That's really where you want psoriasis. On your genitalia.

Yeah. Yeah. Ouch. Ouchy, ouch. I guess it's just where your skin's thinnest. Yeah. Most sensitive. Thin skin, I think that's what it goes for.

You don't get it on your heels. Let's just say that. But I'd love it on my heels. Psoriasis gods? That would hurt. No, if I had to pick where my psoriasis was, definitely on my heels. No one will ever see it. But you have to walk.

But I can't feel shit on my heels, right? Just a big pad of dead skin. Okay. Thick dermis. Dermis pacomus. Pussy pachydermis? Pussy pachydermis. That's virtually whatamus. Pussy Pacadermis. Pussy Pacadermis. That's virtually what I have on my heels.

Okay. So we talked about, because his parents got married twice to each other. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, we like that story. And seven celebrities who married the same person twice. Oh, fun. Fun, fun list. I'm excited for this person twice. Oh, fun. Fun, fun list. I'm excited for this.

Okay. Marie Osmond. Okay. Donny Osmond. Marie Osmond and pro basketball player Steve Craig. Oh, okay. Three years of marriage and divorce. Then she married somebody else and then back to...

Maybe Donny Osmond's her child? Or brother? Or father? Okay, number two, Elizabeth Taylor. Oh, sure. Who? Richard Burton? Richard Burton.

I only know that because I'm listening to the Mike Nichols book right now. Oh, and they talk about it? And Mike Nichols' first movie was Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? Which was Burton and... I can't wait to see this movie. I got to remember to watch it.

Now I'm really interested in it because they were like the most mega movie stars ever. They got paid all this money. And this is his first feature. That's like a, that's a big, dealing with older stars that have their way of doing things and trying to get something new and original is that's a Herculean feat.

And he was masterful at dealing with both of them and they're nuts. yeah um eminem no kidding yep kimberly scott okay so they were married they were married and then married again and then no longer married okay so maybe a third time that would be really fun it just got announced like yesterday he's getting divorced again. From a different person. From Kimberly Mathers. Oh my God, two Kimberleys? Wait, no.

It might be the same. Well, this is Kimberly Scott. But Mathers is his last name. Oh. So they ended their second marriage after a nasty fight in 2006.

No, they got married in 2006 and three months later they got divorced again. Oh. But maybe. Maybe they got married in 2006 and three months later they got divorced again. Oh. But maybe. Maybe they got married, maybe it's three. Thrice times.

Could be. Old friend of the pod, Pam Ann. She married someone twice? Says married poker player Rick Solomon. Solomon? They got an annulment. Okay. And then they reignited their love and got married again.

When? 2014. Oh, okay. And then they reignited their love and got married again. When? 2014. Oh, okay. And then divorced. Okay. Frida Kahlo. Oh, Frida. Frida and Diego Rivera.

Don't cry for me, Argentina. Right? Well, no. Didn't she sing that song? No, Frida Kahlo's the painter with the unibrow. I know that Salma Hayek played. Yeah. And in the movie she sings,

Don't cry for me, Argentina. No, am I insane? Don't cry for me, Argentina is Phantom of the Opera. Don't cry for me, Argentina. Let's see what the fuck's going on here. Let's get this song by madonna i think it's phantom of the opera but maybe i'm wrong people sang that song at samuel hires wedding is that maybe what you're thinking of no look at this don't cry for me a song recorded by

julia who later included in 1978 musical ev. Eva Peron. Yeah. There we go. Yeah, that makes sense. Did she play Eva? Salma? Yeah. Eva Peron? She produced, it looks like she produced a series that was about Eva Peron.

All right. Well, I've conflated some things apparently. Eva Peron. All right. Well, I've conflated some things apparently. It would be really crazy if Frida Kahlo was the painter she is and also sang that song. I know. I know.

Okay. You're right. You're right. Okay, but Diego Rivera and her were married twice. Elon Musk. Elon Musk and Tallulah Riley. Still married? Don't think so. Okay.

Nope. No. Natalie Wood and Robert Wagner. Oh, really? We watched a doc on that. Yeah, she died suspiciously. Yeah. Out on a boat.

With Christopher Walken. Was he there too? Oh, wow. I didn't know that. But yeah, people are like, well, I think even her kid in the documentary is like, she would have never gone on a boat. She was terrified of walking. Was he there too? Oh, wow. I didn't know that. But yeah, people are like, well, I think even her kid in the documentary was like, she would have never gone on a boat. She was terrified of water and couldn't swim. It'd be like if I did.

But also, yeah, it actually would make sense. You will. In Nashville, you'll go on a boat. But I'll wear a life vest. Well, don't do that. Yeah, I have to. What if you see a cute boy? They'll have to love me for who I am. They'll probably like you more. A non-swimmer. Someone who can't swim. A non-swimmer. Someone who can't swim.

A non-swimmer. You know that horrible story about that girl from Glee who died? Swimming? They found her son on a boat. Like they had gone out on a boat. Oh, yeah. And then she like disappeared. So upsetting.

Oof. Ugh. Anyway, sometimes these fact checks get really dark. Well, we're in a pattern of them getting dark. It's a lot lately. Yeah, which, you know, I'm not going to shy away from. Where they go, they go. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's life. How much is the Gangnam Style guy, Psy, worth, according to the internet? I know, and I just got to say, I've looked myself up on these things, and they're wildly inaccurate. It's all wrong. Yeah, but let's take it. But it says $60 million.

Okay, that's a nice nest egg. Also, Taylor, how much is she worth? Again, we don't know. But the Heiress tour is expected it says is expected to boost swift's income by about 500 million swift's net worth was 570 million in 2022 so then it would be a billion although she's got to pay taxes on that but we'll just call it a b for now but i feel like 500 million is not enough for her yeah for a year's work i don't think i think it's accurate i feel like it's gonna be more well the tour is gonna make a billion dollars exactly

already it but she's it's an expensive tour yeah and she's got to pay a lot of people yeah so and the venues take whatever they take but she'll probably walk from a billion dollar tour with 500 million okay and then walk after taxes. Luckily, she's in Tennessee where there's no state income tax. Smart. Well done. Well, I'm sure she's making more money, too, that's not just from touring. Correct.

Exactly. And she's re-releasing all these albums. Yeah. And we're going to buy them. I bought them. Already bought them. Sure. Actually, today, so this was a little bit Trixie

She put out 1989 As we talked about A couple fact checks ago And I bought the record immediately Pre-ordered It comes out in October Yeah Pre-ordered

Vinyl Then today There's a special edition one That's out for 48 hours Okay Now it's getting a little Like do I get that one too? Well now it's starting to feel a little cash grabby.

When people were triggered about our sweatshirts, you know, this is a little, if you just announce pre-order for the normal one and then everyone ordered it and then you go, oh, no, there's even more special, that's a little tricky. Well, I can't decide if I want to come clean about something. Oh, it's always good when you do. You don't read comments, So let me tell you the response was resoundingly supportive of you. No one was mad. I know, which is really sweet,

but I might ruin it right now. Okay. Let's see. Let's test it. You're like Roseanne Barr. Do they really love me? Let's see. If I ruin the national anthem, will they still love me? If I'm racist, will they still love me? No. The reason I feel like I have to come clean is it's going to come out. It's going to come out, and so I might as well get ahead of it. Okay. Because one of the comments, I didn't read them, but somebody told me this, that one of the comments, and they were laughing, was, I'm a Swifty. No one would ever be mad at Monica for this unless she got the sweatshirt. There was a sweatshirt, okay, that I guess was limited. It was like you could only—

Oh, fuck. Well, hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on. I am. I'm holding. I'll be over here listening to Strut while you sit. It was that only—you could only get three. Each individual person could only get three of those.

So they probably had a limited quantity of those. Okay. I did get that sweatshirt. Okay. But every single person of the 70,000 could get three? So 210,000 sweatshirts. So they have a ton of them, really. I just don't know if anyone didn't end up getting one.

I don't know. Okay. But I will say the girls who got my merch, they didn't get that. Because you got three of them? No, I only got one. I got one. I got one, but I do feel like I have to come clean because she made that specific caveat. And I was like, fuck, I did do that.

I got the t-shirt and the sweatshirt. I got two pieces of merch. Okay. And the thing is, I have to come clean, I did do that. I got the t-shirt and the sweatshirt. I got two pieces of merch. And the thing is, I have to come clean because I want to wear it. Yeah, you're going to be seen in it. Sure. See and be seen. But everyone in line had the opportunity to buy that sweater too? Yeah, they could buy three.

Then who cares? You're thinking that someone wanted four and couldn't because you got one? No, no, they weren't allowed to. Hey, we'd love to sell you four. You know Monica Padman? Have you ever heard the podcast Sinked? I mean, I just don't know if anyone at the end of the line didn't get, like, if they ran out. I don't know.

I don't. It was night five of six. I think you're fine. Yeah. I don't know, but I just. So much pressure. I'm going to wear it, and people are going to see it, and I'm sorry. Anyway.

Okay. Fact. 44 songs in her tour. Basketball missers. The greatest missers of all time. I really liked that. That was cool. That stuck with me as well.

Kobe, number one. He's number one. LeBron is number two. Then we have John Havlicek. Havlicek? Havlicek? Havlicek. Havlicek.

He was for the Boston Celtics. Elvin Hayes and Karl Malone are the top five oh wow Jordan wasn't in the top five not in the top five that I can see on this on Sinti at Animals

yes on the board yeah sportsbrief.com and then he's ninth ninth okay so top ten

that's still I would have thought Kareem Abdul-Jabbar would have been up there he's eighth he's eighth okay because he had been forever the all time scoring Top 10. That's still. I would have thought Kareem Abdul-Jabbar would have been up there. He's eighth. He's eighth. Okay.

Because he had been forever the all-time scoring champ, career scoring champ. Yeah. Tens of thousands of points. Friend of the pod, Carmelo Anthony. Oh, yes. Love him. Ooh, Melo. Exploding shirt guy, right?

Yep. Exploding pants. Pants. And shirt. Oh, God. Okay. So the quarterbacks with the most overall interceptions in NFL history. Similar thing. Yeah.

I tried to pull that into the combo. Yeah. Number five. Okay, tied for four. Peyton Manning. Sure. Legend. Legend.

And Dan Marino. Oh, big Dan Marino. Main character in Ace Ventura. Three is Fran Tarkenton. Ah, big Dan Marino, main character in Ace Ventura. Three is Fran Tarkenton. Ah, Fran Tarkenton. Just hearing that name for the first time. Me too, but let's see.

Hall of Fame quarterback, played 18 seasons for the Giants. Whoa. Actually, the name is sort of familiar. 1972. Yeah, it's older. Three years before I was. Two is George Blanda. Also hearing that one. Yeah, I don't know that one.

And one is Brett Favre. Ah, Brett Favre. F-A-V-R-E? Yeah, but isn't it Favre? It is, but I don't know how. I know. I don't know how they get that R on the other side of the V. Why they do that?

How they do that. I hate this language. Yeah. I don't think I'm dyslexic i think i'm just logical yeah that's fair other people just went where they're like yeah i'm gonna i'm not gonna fight against the breaking of this logic they introduced i i'm with you that one makes no sense favre i looked into the kendrick lamar face covering oh good did you find anything? No, I didn't. I couldn't find out anything.

So I think you're going to have to ask. Kendrick Lamar? Yeah. I would love to. I wonder what his nickname is. Kenny? Kenny? Kenneth? K-Lamar? Kayla? Maybe people just call him Lamar. Lamar. Kayla?

Kayla? Kayla's kind of cool. Kayla's cool. Yeah. She's kind of feminine. Yeah. And sexy. Can't believe you didn't have anything to say about Buck Blando, that quarterback. Rob.

Yeah. Kind of a bland. I thought for sure we were going to get a bland pun. I could feel it. Or, you know, I was bracing myself. Oh. Wow. Yeah.

Missed opportunity, Rob. That's good to keep me guessing as well, though. He's got some nicknames you want to hear. Kendrick Lamar's got K-Dot. Oh, K-Dot. King Kendrick. Yeah. King Kendrick.

Well, because King Kunta is one of his great songs. Cornrow Kenny. Oh, Cornrow Kenny. And Kung Fu Kenny. And Kung Fu Kenny. A little appropriation, but I don't mind when black people appropriate. I wonder who gave him that nickname. Bruce Lee.

Yeah. So then it's fine. I might start going by Captain Kung Fu. No. We'll have to ask. We have to get him on. We have a lot to ask him. We do.

We have to ask him if I can go by Kung Fu Shepherd. And about the face covering. Yes. That is it for our factuals. Okay. Those were fun factuals. Really?

Yeah. Learning who had been married several times, that's a fun one. Yeah. Also, poking our nose into people's finances,

that's always fun. Oh, I know. Speaking of people of means. Oh, yeah. I can't believe I didn't start the fact check with this. Big, big, big congratulations to my hero, your ex-lover, Ashley Olsen.

Oh, because she is now a mother. She is. Congratulations. She's going to have videos like that on her phone. How fun for her. Look how cute her baby will be. Oh, my God. Round features.

Auto. And you are excited because it's a palindrome. Yeah. Yeah. Man, ding, ding, ding on these palindromes. Of course she had a palindrome, kid. There is. I do have this curiosity.

Do you love them enough, Ashley or Taylor, that you think you could be in a relationship with them? Okay, I'm just curious. Wait, what kind? Romantic? No. Yeah, like become life partners. No, because I'm not sexually attracted to women. I know, but I'm still wondering.

That's weird to wonder if you know. People rightly would ask me, would I want a romantic relationship with Brad Pitt? That's a totally fair question to me because i'm so obsessed with them and all very visually right so i've so when people have asked me that i'm not offended by that i think like yeah that's a legit question and no but more stuff than i'd want to do with Aaron. Really? Sure. Like, I think I could kiss Brad Pitt on the lips. And like, like it?

Hmm. I'm open to find out. Oh, wow. Yeah. But not Aaron? That's kind of. Well, no, Aaron's my best. He's like my brother. Right.

Even more reason. Like, you guys are intimate. You put your head on his tummy and stuff. Oh, we snuggle and stuff. Right, even more reason, like you guys are intimate, you put your head on his tummy and stuff. Oh, we snuggle and stuff, yeah, yeah, yeah. But what's interesting is I can imagine I kiss Brad and it's nice, it's not bad but I don't want anything

to do with each other's penises. But do you think that's because of your trauma? Well, I would just argue it's because I'm heterosexual, but Yeah, but but interestingly Well, you know just argue it's because I'm heterosexual, but... Yeah, but... Well, you know my take on gayness, which is... I have to point out historically, what's very curious is that all Greeks were bisexual. So I know culturally, if your culture says you're bisexual, we have at least an enormous data set that says, yes, an entire culture.

Nothing genetically happened. You mean like the ancient Greeks? Yeah, the ancient Greeks were all bi. The guys were fucking each other in these warrior camps. Are you sure they weren't just gay, though? Well, they had wives and had children. Well, right. Because that's what, like, to go along the species.

But that's why it's even pointless to say were they gay or straight or bi. It's like they fucked dudes and women. And culturally that was fine. And when that's fine, lo and behold, everyone did that. So there is an insane example of culture. When you ask could I have been bi, I would say sure. If I was born in 300 BC in Athens, I would have been. In 2038.

Like that is where this younger generation is kind of circled back to that. We think that, but I also wonder if that's true. I think that's a lot of people are just more people feel comfortable not hiding that they're gay or bi. So it would appear that a bunch of more people are, but I just think it's also quite possible that that number hasn't changed as people are comfortable acknowledging that. But also there is a wave amongst young, young people

to just not have labels. Like, what's the point of that? What's the point of saying straight or gay or this? Like, we'll just like who we like, which sounds more like the ancient Greeks. But no, no, I'm not physically attracted to Ashley or Taylor. I would want to be their friend.

Yeah. And I would want to be in their presence because I think they're exceptional. Uh-huh. But I'm not attracted to them. It's not popular to admit or to say, but what is also in reality is we've had two or three guests whose mothers weren't gay and fell in love with a woman. Right. And we know some people in our real life that weren't gay and fell in love with a woman.

I don't know any guys that were not gay and then fell in love with a man. I just haven't ever seen it. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but I have quite a few examples of women doing that. I just am not aware of any men. Right. So for me, yeah, it's a little more plausible that it could happen to you because I happen to know a bunch of cases where that happened. I mean, yeah, I guess who knows? Yes, I guess that like if you had this deep affinity and love for them that somehow you might be like, okay, maybe, I don't know.

Well, I would have to fall in love with them. Yes. And that would require knowing them and not just from afar. Right. So maybe. Okay. TBD. TBD.

I'm going to say probably. If you're betting, you're going to say probably not. Probably not. Probably not. Probably not. I've had very extremely close relationships with women, and I've never been physically attracted to them or wanted to kiss them or anything. Right. But were any of those friends, had you had this level of— Well, Kristen.

Okay. And you never thought about leaning in for a kiss with her? No, unfortunately not. That'd be something if I had to come downstairs and say, you guys are necking on the couch. Yeah, what would you have felt? Betrayed? No, you know, not that way. That's not really my thing.

I guess I would think, hmm, this is going to get complicated. They work together. Sure. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. Who knows? No labels, you know? Yeah, no labels.

All right. I love you. Love you. Very fun fact check.