Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Jennifer Aniston

Episode Date: October 20, 2025

Jennifer Aniston (The Morning Show, Cook with Clydeo, Friends) is an Emmy and Golden Globe Award-winning actor. Jennifer joins the Armchair Expert to discuss the hidden messages in children��s literature, why doing podcasts can be like waking up from anesthesia, and the bait and switch of her actor dad deciding to train as a doctor in Greece. Jennifer and Dax talk about her apocryphal encounter with producer Warren Littlefield at a gas station, the cultural significance of why the show would never hurt a Friend, and whether she’s ever disguised herself to be anonymous to the outside world. Jennifer explains her contribution as a dog mother to the kids book universe, the balance she strikes in her character within the world of Morning Show, and why making people laugh becomes the salve that gets us through the world.Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and add free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dachshepard and I'm joined by Monica Lily Padman. Hi. Congratulations to my little friend from down in Duluth, Georgia goes around the bend. Oh, nice.

She loved this show called Me and My Friends. Her number one pales come down, Jennifer Aniston. Wow, that was kind of good. I kind of not great. I really like that, actually. Congratulations, Ronnie. This was a big deal, huge deal, big full circle. The humongous deal.

Jennifer Aniston's here. And all because of you, you wrote a beautiful letter to her. Our good friend, Molly McNairney, passed it on to Jen. God bless her she read it. And she said, yeah, I'm going to come meet this girl. I know, so nice. Yeah. It was so, so nice.

They say never meet your heroes, but so far it's worked out pretty well for me. Yeah. Okay, friends, just go with it. We're the Millers, horrible bosses. And of course, season four out now on Apple TV Plus, The Morning Show. She also has the cutest book out now. Cook with Clydeo, a cookbook for kids. Clydeo is her dog Clyde's foreign.

cousin dog, Clydeo. So cute. It's so cute. And then on top of that, please, madame, will you demonstrate, do your best of Anna White right now? Okay. So we didn't really get to talk with that much about Lola V in the pod. So I wanted to give it a little time right now. She sent all of this incredible Lola V hair products.

And they're really good. They're top notch. They're really good. As you can imagine. Could you spray some in your hair right now to demonstrate? Yeah, I'll spray. Do a spray. The peptide plumping volume spray because I need a little volume up top.

Okay. Plumping volume spray. I hope that doesn't attract the wrong customer base. It smells so good. I bad. And you want your hair to smell good because that's where the pheromones come from. Sure. That's where men are nuzzling their noses.

Yeah, exactly. And they're getting their nose right in there. Does it look nice in volume? Oh, yeah, it really does. It really picked up the volume. Yeah. Yeah. It's really nice. I mean, there's so much. She has shampoo. She has so many products and they're all great. Well, you want to hear something embarrassing. She sent a box. I went through it and I saw there was dog, doggy shampoo. She makes doggy shampoo.

Oh, cute. Went to put it away where our doggy shampoo is. Guess what? We already buy this product. Our dogs already love this product. Of course you do. God, I wish you would make some teeth brushing solvent for our dogs. Ah, Lola V. Lola V. Lola V. Get some Lola V. Read, cook with Clyde. and watch the morning show, and please enjoy Jennifer Aniston. This episode of Armchair Expert is presented by Apple Pay. You know, holiday shopping can be a hassle, but Apple Pay makes it so much easier. Whether you're shopping online or in store, look for the Apple Pay button or contactless symbol at checkout. No more digging for your wallet or filling out long online checkout forms. It works at millions of places, including stores, websites, and apps.

This means you can spend less time at checkout and more time. I'm finding the perfect gifts. Pay the apple way. Terms apply. When I first tried good leaf greens, I thought this is how fresh should taste. I'm chef's Andy Hay from Andy's East Coast kitchen. And I'm telling you, with good leaf,

your salad doesn't have to suck. Good leaf grows all their greens right here in Canada, indoors and year round. No pesticides, no compromise, no washing any required. Try a pack of the new True North blend featuring added flavor and antioxidants from locally grown baby beet leaves and follow Goodleaf farms for recipe inspo.

including some of my favorites, Good Leaf Farms, chef-inspired salad blends available at a store near you. I love you guys so much. I'm a huge beer. What's happening? Well, this is an offering for you. If you want. We both, we both dressed for you.

It's a great pocket to a partner. Well, you know, Tuesday. It's Taco Tuesday, so I think that allows for a lot of funny business. And technically happy hour. In Atlanta. That's right. This is in your garage. This is in the garage.

Yeah, the old thing is upstairs. So we used to be upstairs, and now we're in the garage. I've seen this setup because you were in a different chair. Yeah, you've probably seen upstairs. I used to be in a full lazy boy. We were both in lazy boys. I wore this for you, but I can't go much further now. I'm a little hot.

Yeah, can I take this off now? I'll put it back on for picture time. But do you want to take a quick pick now? Look at your friends are on the screensaver. Oh, Clyde, Claude and Lord Chesterfield. Come on. Wow. Oh, my goodness.

Okay, great. Okay. Do you like Babar? Do I like Babar? She likes Babar. She might not know she does, but yes, she likes Bobar. That was like my childhood books. I know, special books.

Dr. Seuss and the Babars of the world. Yeah. Remember when? Yeah. I saw you say that you like Babar and I like Babar, but then I started thinking, why do I like Babar? Like when I think of Cheryl Silverstein. I don't know the stories of Babar, do you?

Nor do I. I just love the image of the elephant, but I'm not sure what he did or what he was up to. I think he was a king. Because he has a big crown on. Could you imagine if we go back and we just read... He was a predator? Yeah, like it represented all of this awful shit. I didn't know what that's what it meant.

It's sort of like when you realized that Wizard of Oz had all these hidden messages. Yes. Yeah. Especially if you smoke grass and put on dark side of the moon, leaned into it. Is it a plane? I think you do a little backwards plane. I wanted to do that. Okay, so one of my questions was going to be, what's your nervous level out of 10?

My nerve level right now is so nothing because I'm just talking with you guys. That's right, good, good, good. Have you been rolling the whole time? Is that how you guys do it? Well, we always are rolling. I hope so because that's awesome. Always be recording. Actually, you know what you say right after the hour and just say, okay, let's start rolling.

Exactly. And action. Then the nerves will get up and then I'll be like, oh, and then you'll say, joke. It was done. We did it. You actually, it's like coming out of anesthesia. Oh, no, no. It's over.

Or like when a kid gets a shot, you like to say. distract them. It's like, we did it. It's over. Yes, yes, yes. Right. I had a director actually once, oh, I'm not going to remember his name. Sure. We don't need to. Nope. We'll keep it vague. We'd be talking and rehearsing, and then he'd go, okay, go ahead. And did you like that? Took us a minute to know what he meant. Okay. Go ahead. Go ahead. Oh, actually, go ahead. Oh, so start acting. Yeah. Go ahead and do that thing. But he would do it not like it wasn't a big, he was like, okay, go ahead. And then walk away and then we just go ahead. I like that because no pressure.

Was this person's name Clint Eastwood? Is that the name you can't think? It's Marty Scorsese. Well, I do think I've heard that Hitchcock would say, have you heard this one? No. Entertain me. Oh, yes, I have heard that. Which is like giving your person out, like I would dig it.

Me too. But I could also people be like, I'm not a monkey here to entertain, you know. Oh, my God. I am not here to entertain you. But I was thinking if you were nervous, I was thinking we could do some transcendental meditation together. And then I was curious, how do you sit when you do your TM? And is this it? This is pretty much it.

Or if I'm in a chair or if I'm in the back of a car or if I'm on an airplane or wherever it is, the many, many, many locations that I will go into a little if I need to sort of chill it. Yeah. And I was wondering, because I have a couple different friends that do TM as well. In one of my friends. Do you? I do. Amazing. I think you and I differ a bit on it's hard for me to embrace something like that.

It's a little out there for me. Which part? It's religion adjacent, even though it's not, as I learned. But there's something metaphysical happening a little bit. There's like spirituality. Just the notion of spirituality scares me a little bit. Only because I'm afraid I'm not going to experience what everyone else is experiencing. Which is actually all that's happening right now is we sit here and speak.

Absolutely. But T.M. I went into a little apprehensive and it fucking worked the first time. I was shocked. Can I ask specifically what worked? Was it the first time you meditated it worked or the first period that you were doing it for a while is when it worked? The first time Lynn came over. Yes. Do you know Lynn?

You had Penny. Okay. But all from the David Lynch thing? Yes. So Lynn came over. And again, the scary stuff is like we've got some brass trays, there's some smoke happening. That's the stuff where I'm a little bit like when all of those pictures, the photo frame came out. We're paying homage to some deities maybe.

She gave me my mantra. And I did it, 20 minutes later, I was like, oh, Lord, I, like, just experienced a level of calmness and lack of racket. I didn't think I was capable of. Holy shit, it works. Yeah. This mantra thing is real. They tell you not to tell anyone your mantra. I know.

I was going to ask this. If it goes well, will you tell us your mantra? I was kidding. Do you know, it's really funny how they instilled it? And no one's holding a gun to my head. Penny's not outside. No. She's not going to come in and go, did you just.

But I have a friend who told me his mantra. Oh, no. And it scared me. He's passed. We lost him. It's my test of friendship. So, Dax has never shared his. So we're not quite there yet.

But maybe we'll get there. Yeah. It scared me. And I was like, normally I am so, I guess maybe punk rock, but I wouldn't tell him mine. And I'm wondering, what would be the price tag for you to tell someone your mantra? Would you? Am I a rule follower?

Not always. But in this case, I have. chosen to commit to this practice and if that is the one rule around it, I have no problem. I don't think anyone would pay me enough money that it actually would take for me to tell them my mantra. I don't think they'd give a shit that much to pay me a billion dollars because that's how much it'll cost. Okay, that's the number.

Write that down. I do think there's something magic going on that I really am afraid to ever say it. And I think it's funny that I feel that way. I do too, because you don't come across. that way, to me, the truth is we're all here. This is kind of wild that we're all here. I agree. We're all these bodies. Or we're all made of what atoms? This is all energy. Yeah. Believe it or not. And then there's something that's bigger than us. And the other thing that is also so crazy to me is that we are all every human being on this entire planet made up

of the exact same shit. Yes. And yet we have figured out a way, with these wonderful brains that we've been gifted by, I don't know, whatever that is. Gifted and cursed. To do what we have done. And I was driving over here and I was thinking to myself, I get sad. Yeah, yeah, me too. Yeah, of course. Right?

I get sad that there's so much fake and arbitrary difference. Yes. And where does it come from and who creates it? It's like, hey, man, believe whatever you want to believe. and you do you. But at the end of the day, you do think we're all the same. Yes. Even if our skin is a shade, darker, darker, lighter, lighter, hair,

we are all made up of the exact same wonderful stuff. And we're embarrassingly predictable given where we come from. So it's like, we think we have this really well-sorted identity. And then you go like, well, but if you give me your zip code, I can tell you with like 90% likelihood exactly what your opinions that you've thought of really well will be. I've been trying to read between the lines as I've watched a lot of interviews with you. And maybe rightly or wrongly, I have felt like we agree on that.

My biggest thing that bothers me isn't any one of my issues that I also care about. It's just like, how the fuck do we get out of this? This is just like madness and it's getting worse every day and everyone's yelling louder and louder. And how do we get out? Everything seems very polly and any kind of thought you have. But it is how do we get out of it? You say about the spirituality, I think the reason. reason I lean more towards TM or that world of whatever faith is to me personally is because,

you know, I'm Greek Orthodox. I was raised and I went to the Greek church on Sundays and my yeah yeah had all of the pictures of the women in black that terrified me and gave me nightmares and her beads and she would talk to the wall of all these people. It's a little morbid. It seems it doesn't it? But for her, it kept her going as she died at 98. Greeks are doing something right. Yeah. I was christened at safe. Sophia's and they drink the holy water, which is basically and I vomited and she's like

scooping up the vomit because it's sacred and the body of Christ is in there and that's the blood of Christ. She's like old at that point already and so yeah. I was in the car and I just had wine and bread at like one or whatever. I would have

thought there might be a poltergeist in you. If you rejected it you might be evil or a vamp. Hey, who knows? Who knows? That's all up for grabs. That's right. Life ain't over just yet.

But I want to say something really quick because I think that is the answer because we talk a lot about status here. And Dax was the anthropology major. So in-group, out-group comes up a lot. Too much, you could argue. I won't say that. Wait, which comes up, say again? In-group out-group. What is in-group out-group?

Because we're very social primates and we're kind of designed to live in a group of 100. That was our in-group. And the out-group, whatever group arrived, needed to be taken very seriously and with a lot of skepticism. It's not like you could just trust a stranger. So we have a lot of evolutionary things built in. We're really immediately good at identifying who the outgroup is and identifying who the in-group is. So we have all this wiring.

When you hear tribalism, tribalism is really in-group, out-group thinking. So like this political thing. It's like, this is my group and that's your group. And we're just stuck with this terrible vestigial evolution that we somehow got to figure out how to get out of in-group out-group. because we don't live that way anymore. But if we remember that in-group is exactly what you said, we are all one in-group. We're all the group.

Is that just not as fun? Yeah. Is that just not as interesting? Exactly. So that's what I think this sort of spirituality or these new age or whatever you call it, super-agers. What does that say up there? I try to read that.

I read it as super-agers. Because they're very distracting to people. We just forget that a lot of people. Well, that's when he pulled out the firearm. King's surrender pool group. No, no. Hold on you. You were about to see. Someone shot you? Yeah, but what is this book I'm seeing? But religions, they all had the judgments about who you were with. And it just felt like if religion is something that divides people based on absolutely nothing factual about the human being and their heart. The lottery of what house you were brought home to as a baby. Yeah, because you grew up in this home and it represented that and that's what you learned.

And so that's what you go out and you believe. And critical thinking, free things. thinking isn't sort of allowed, or it's condemned or fear of God that you're going to go to hell for something. I don't do it. Not for me. Not for me. Also, you were in New York City. From what age did you?

You were brought home from the hospital to Sherman Oaks. Yes. Right around the corner from Casa Vega. Ooh, I love it. Very fun place. I have early memories of crawling. Mine was enchiladas with cheese. And for folks who are not from here, crawling on that floor, it's not like you're on the floor of

the four seasons. It's a very active, heavily drink and salsa on the floor. Chips, Sitch. It's like Times Square. It would be around in time. That's right. Probably good for your microbiome. You've got some germs in there.

So strong immunity. That's right. What age did you go to New York? I went to New York at six years old. We went Sherman Oaks, Pennsylvania, Greece for a year, then to New York City. Oh, and so you land in New York City at six.

So you probably left Sherman Oaks, four-ish. Like four-ish, four-and-a-half. And do you have any memories? in Sherman Oaks? Yeah. Besides crawling on the floor of Kosovo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I remember the backyard. I remember my dad built a pool with his own two hands with his buddy. And above ground, I'm a man. No. A real in-ground. Well, there was someone that dug, he was doing a lot of the work. They were just back there, these guys. Wow.

That was also when my dad was an out-of-work actor. He had a little time. A hobby. Which leads to why we went to Greece of it all. And he was a door-to-door sales. He kind of was doing that stuff. I drove a tricycle into that pool. My brother had to save me because I didn't think to...

It was full of water or not yet. Yeah. And we almost lost you. I might have a fear of water for that reason. Yeah. Maybe that makes sense. What happened in Pennsylvania? He wasn't chasing an acting role there.

No, but that's where my grandmother lived and my cousins and my aunt, my dad's sister. He left us there so he could go set us up in Athens with my Aunt Mary and my cousins. Was he going to work there? He was going to go to medical school in Greece. because he could get into medical school in Greece. Oh, boy, there's a lot there. Yikes. Now, listen, he's dead.

So he could have told me all of these stories. You and I have the unique freedom to talk quite honestly about our fathers at this point. I know we sure do. I think there's a lot there. Oh, there's a lot. That feels so out of the blue to say, okay, I've been pursuing acting for 30, not 30 years, but if he was 30, I've been pursuing acting for 12 years. I'm going to go to Athens to become a doctor.

feels Boreline insane. Yeah. Was he the type of dude that would get something in his head and just chase it? I wouldn't know. Because once he really became a person that I was able to sort of take in, he was an actor. And he was barely there. He was like, where's John a little bit? But when we were in Athens, he was going to school.

Okay. How far did he get in his medical training? Not far. We were only there a year. Did he come home and take your temperature? No. You would watch all those shows. I remember watching a lot of medical stuff while eating dinner.

That's why I love watching some weird shit. I can watch it pretty much anything. I love a good surgery. I love to scrub up if they let me in. Mom was getting drug along as well. And Mom also was an actor, yeah? She was. She wasn't very good.

She'd be the first person to say it. She was on Beverly Hillbillies, the Red Skelton Show, all those fun things. People will be like, what? And she was a model. And then she became a mom. Okay. And so when she had gotten drug to grease for her husband, medical pursuits.

How was she processing that? Was she resentful at him? I would be pretty pissed, I think, if I met another actor and we're going to do this acting thing and then I wake up in Athens and you're becoming a doctor, I might feel like a little false advertising. I don't think they had that sort of, let's go do this together. They met when she was modeling. My dad was the roommate of the photographer at the time, and he just thought she was beautiful.

She was dating the guy who owned the chain El Toritos. Ooh, she should have stuck with him, maybe. Don't you think? Yes. She says that, said that. She was like it. I hate to say it. Nothing I love hearing more than that.

Yeah. Oh, God. That's so tight. If I had stayed with Mike from El Toritos, we would be on a yacht right now. But no, I followed your stupid dad to Athens. He could be an optometrist. And look at me now. These are all stories.

I'm just remembering. And then she told the story. My dad tells the story about how he just walked into the El Toritos one day or wherever they were on a date and kind of like slammed his hand down on the table and he claimed her. I don't know if he clubbed him and then dragged her out by the hair or what actually happened, but it all sounded very romantic. Well, yes,

that's right. That was the version of romance back then. Claiming. Correct. I'd pay slightly more than I'd pay for your mantra to be sitting in a booth by myself at El Dorito and watch some Greek man walk in dragging his girlfriend to confront the proprietor. Don't even think about it. She's with me now.

She's mine. It's so deep because that is the paradox, right? Like, it is romantic at first when someone's like, I love you so much. I need you. You're mine. And then that's actually the problem. That ends up being the problem that they feel ownership. Yes. I think they call that narcissism. That is correct, right? If I don't have it. I have to have it. No, I have it. What do I do with this toy? Because that thrill is gone. You're not thrilling anymore. Yes. You don't validate me in the way you once did. Now, they go to Needs. New York, this is pretty mind-blowing and impressive.

He was recurring on days of our lives for 37 years. He was on that show forever. In fact, the last episode he shot aired like a week after he died. Whoa. So he worked right up until that was it. Wow. That was literally a rap on John. And when you guys got to New York, they made it another three years before they got divorced?

Yes. I was nine, so we got to New York six. And you went to live with mom, which was very customary. So he found us an apartment, 92nd in Columbus, and $800 a month. We're in control, three bedrooms. She gave it up anyway. Oh, no. 21st floor.

It was like, you could see the Hudson River all of downtown. It was like, Cher's dollhouse. I'm saying, wait, too many references and people won't know anything. Are you kidding? I was just playing with Sherr's dollhouse. You were at the Sherr doll and had a house that you could take the view in and out for daytime or slide in the night. time view and it was just twinkling lights of the Empire State Building and the East River and the Hudson River and that was our view. Anyway, she let that go. Where were we?

He set you up in the apartment. Yeah. And then he just bounced. Opened up a restaurant while he was shooting. He was doing Love of Life at the time. He hadn't been on days. It was Love of Life at CBS. And then he moved uptown to be on a show called Search for Tomorrow. But before that, he met his co-star on Love of Life. Oh, it was that scenario. And then that was a little one of those oopsie moments. And was your mom outwardly saying, I hate him? What were you getting implanted with? Parents weren't taught what I think parents are taught today, which is you be kind, you lead

with kindness, your partner, you can talk bad about them behind closed doors, not in front of your children, because that is abuse. Abuse. Yeah, yeah. Unfortunately, I do have some today that do that, but they almost just can't help themselves. Yeah. It's some very strange. You have to remember, I'm talking about someone's. parent at the end of the day. Even though they're my ex, this is someone's parent.

They only get one. And they get one. And let them have their experience with them. And when they grow up and leave the house and then can create their own opinion from what they've experienced personally, let them have that. Right. But up until that point, don't plant negativity because I'm a little impressional brain. But you, it sounds like, sadly, are right a few times, you did want his attention. Yeah. I would have given anything. I'm not going to cry. I actually just needed to take water. You're a little. loud. You're not allowed to cry you.

I'm over it. Oh, okay. So over it, guys. No, I truly am. No. But don't you think there are many things I'm like, oh, I'm totally over that? I tell that story all the time. And then I tell it to a therapist.

And then all of a sudden, I feel, I guess, safe enough to allow the emotions to come in. And I go, oh, wow, this is confusing. I was certain this had no power. And here I am quite emotional about this. And this is a shocker. And it lived right there. Yeah. It wasn't even far.

The question is asked, and then you're like, what? And literally, like, when they talk about those spies that can walk up to somebody and just go like that to the neck and then the person collapses, it's like the same thing. Isn't it exhausting? There are some things we'll just never. It is exhausting, but it shows you we're constant work in progress. We are constantly, no matter what was imprinted into our neural pathways as children, they're there. And we can think we've worked on them, but just as we experience. life, new moments here and there and new people here and there, someone is going to come in

and hit a little something somewhere that you go, whoa, that just made me think of that. Yeah, yeah, that's here now. And that, I guess, is still to be looked at. And how wonderful that we have therapy and that we have people that we talk to or friendship group, that we can bounce that stuff off so that we don't flip out. I don't know about your parents or your parents. How old are your parents? My parents are 49 and 48.

Nope. They are 63 and 70. 63 and 70. So it's different generation. I'll let you guys. Who's what? Oh, wouldn't it be cool if it was reversed? No, it's the normal way.

They weren't taught how to process emotions. They're also from India. Oh, yeah. Mine are also immigrants. So that's another layer on top of zero emotions. Yes, both born in India. Where were you born in India? No, I was born here.

Or I was born in Georgia. No, in this garage. I was born right here. This is where I came to be. This is kind of where I came to be. She's never left. Look at you now. I know.

They're Indian and emotions are not to be touched. Ever. Ever. And how do they feel now? No emotions has really cost them some stuff. And so I think they've come around, but it's still like we've talked about it a lot. Dax will be like, you need to tell your dad, you love him. And I'm like, I can't.

He'll freak out. He'll think I'm dying. He will freak out. I don't want to kill him. Yes. And I called them this weekend about something kind of emotional. And I can see. see the panic starting to happen.

And I was like, dad, this is why I can't tell you things. Yeah. Because now I'm trying to protect you from your emotions. And that can't be what's happening here. I have totally surrendered. It is true. I'll go like, your dad wants to hear you love them. Everyone wants to hear that.

I'm wrong. She's right. Are you right? I'm right. I surprised her one time. We were doing a live show in Chicago and I secretly called them. And I said, can I please bring you to this live show so you can see your little girl and how much people love her?

God, see, now that's going to make me. I can't even say that. I think of me getting to go see my little girl. Yeah. So I'm like, it's a surprise and then I'm like, I can't tell her. If she finds out they're there, she'll recognize how much is happening. And she'll start getting very worried about them, just witnessing her. Sure.

Be loved on that level. Oh, dad. They did say they were proud of me. That's the first time I've ever heard it. It was so cute. Her dad was like, everyone. nose or he just really thought it was so funny people wanted to get her picture and stuff. It was pretty great.

But had he even seen that before? That was probably overwhelming. They were overwhelmed. For them. They were very overwhelmed in a good way because all they want is safety for me. They don't care about any of this stuff. I'm sure we'll get to that with you. But all you want is your kid to be safe.

And then all this other stuff, it's proof that I am. I'm good on my own. These 5,000 people agree she's safe. Yeah. They were relieved for the first time. That was a gift. That's a huge gift. Yeah.

How long ago was that? Five years ago, probably. And they said, your mom and I are proud of you. Do you not take offense to this? No. I don't, when I've met you, I don't go like child of New York City. How immersed were you in the quite eclectic in colorful world that was Manhattan in the late 70s and 80s? Were you partaking in the, like we just interviewed Mark Ronson.

Yes, he feels very New York. Oh, yes. Or even the incredible director, Jordan. Peel? Peel. Yes. Love him. You know, he's on a block that's quite scary.

He's got to walk to school. And it informs then the rest of the ride. That's where I was. What was your childhood like being in New York City? Well, we lived in this building on 92nd in Columbus, but the block between Columbus and Amsterdam and then Amsterdam Broadway that was all abandoned buildings. I was on a bus by myself at 11. Yeah, exactly.

You can imagine. By yourself. I know. Throw your key in your sneaker and see a mom. Yeah. In a much different New York. Much different New York, especially up there. It started to become Preppieville and Upper West Side and all that stuff.

But no, not when I lived there at all. Oh, you'd have to go around the block. There's a sniper in one of the buildings, one of the abandoned buildings. So it was all just normal. As I got older, I was mugged. I was mugged a couple times. Like Ross. What did you say?

It says like Ross. Like Ross. He was mugged by Phoebe. Oh, wow. Never forget. Never forget. Terrifying Phoebe. And did you have a lot of fear, or did you quickly kind of acclimate?

I oddly didn't feel fear. I worked at Jackson Hole at 85th in Columbus. And then I'd walk home at midnight. You know, it's not in a lot. But it's still from 85th in Columbus to 92nd in Columbus at midnight. And what was your niche? You loved Durand, Duran. Were you in a new wave?

Did you dance? I danced. Me and Dre, my best friend, who also has a podcast called Circle This. Shout out, Circle This. Go listen to it now. Pause this. Listen to that. Come back.

Is she still your best friend? Still my best friend to this day. 14 and 15 when we met, we would go to Danciteria. We'd go to the limelight. The pladium was where we really liked to go. And not a lot. We didn't drink. We didn't smoke.

I mean, I might just smoke. But no drugs or anything. We just would get dressed up and the amount of aquanette in our hair. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Extra firmhold. Oh, extra. The blue pink out of it. It was like you throw it on.

And I would get like the 26 ounce shirt, like the big, where you'd be wrestling that fucker. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And your eyelashes would have to be like... There's poison all in the air. So crazy. Dance on those boxes that were surrounding the dance floor.

Oh, good. So you were devouring the city as much as you can at that age. And we could. Stay tuned for more armchair expert. If you dare. This message is brought to you by Apple Pay. Dax, can you believe it's already fall this year? years flown by. I know, right? But fall is my jam. Remember that farmer's market we hit up last weekend?

Yes, all those vendors with their yummy apple ciders and the big pumpkins. I love big pumpkins. Artisanal apple cider, don't forget. And the smell of fresh baked goods heaven. But here's what blew my mind. So many vendors accepted Apple pay. It was so convenient. I love Apple pay. Everywhere I saw the contactless symbol, I just double-click the side button on my phone to bring up my card and then just a quick little face. ID scan, tap, boom. So easy. Apple Pay has been my MVP this season to buy festive fall treats and drinks. And you know I'm on a mission to find the best fall theme latte in town. You know this. I do know that. How's it going? That Maple one you were telling me about sounded pretty insane. It was so good. And get this. You can also use Apple Pay at lots of cafes, no fumbling for your

wallet. Just double click, tap, and sip. It works at millions of places anywhere you see the contactless symbol in stores or see the Apple Pay button online and in apps. Exactly, making it easier to enjoy all the fall goodness. Speaking of which, I'm totally set for Halloween. Apple Pay made it a breeze to purchase the perfect decorations online right from my iPhone. I just tap the Apple Pay button at checkout, double click to authenticate, and boom, payment complete. No long checkout forms, no fuss.

Fall festivities have never been more fun or easy. Pay the Apple Way. Terms apply. we are supported by peloton listen as someone who's spent way too much time trying to figure out if my form is garbage by watching myself in jim mirrors i'm legitimately blown away by the new peloton cross training tread plus this beast is powered by peloton IQ with a movement tracking camera that corrects you in real time it counts your reps corrects your form and tells you exactly which weight to grab finally technology that stops me from ego lifting and a actually helps me get stronger. The screen does his swivel move, transforming from Tread to full-on fitness studio in seconds. One minute, you're crushing a run. Next minute, you're flowing through a Pilates session, zero awkward transitions.

My absolute favorite feature, Peloton IQ, creates a personalized workout roadmap just for you. It recommends weekly classes designed to help you crush your goals, whatever they may be. And with Peloton's lineup of instructors, there's someone for every mood and vibe. Whether you're feeling like you need a drill sergeant or a chill yoga instructor. They've got you covered. It's all about moving with intention towards your next breakthrough on your terms. Let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push, and go. Explore the new Peloton cross-training tread plus at one peloton.ca.

Oh, God, I just watched the Charlie Sheen dock last night. Me too. I love that. Oh, my God. It's so fun. Yes. And you just go, well, wow. Yeah, yeah. All of them.

George Clooney? Yes, he's in those little videos. Those videos and Penn and Nicholas Cage. He has to find out they were best friends was a real revelation to me. And that little friend group and Laura Dern who was in everything then and she's in everything now. Yeah. It's just wild. It kind of feels impossible that they were all this little rag tag group.

It's sweet. When Sean Penn says, I can't believe he said this on camera. It's my favorite thing I've heard. which one I'm trying to know it. He goes, when people do men do cocaine, copious amounts, they have heightened sexual desires while diminished sexual competency. And I'm like, why, you said Coke Dick in the most elegant way I've ever heard someone described Coke.

That's so interesting and makes so much sense. Yeah. I desire while you have no competency. What a purgatory. And yet they keep doing it over and over. In all sincerity, the moment that I realized, oh, we have a real problem was I was at a bar and I was talking to a very attractive girl and things were going very well. And I was like, I'm going to get an eight ball. And I was like, if I get an eight ball, I'm not going to be pursuing this anymore.

I'm going to get an eight ball. Oh, so did you weigh it out for a second? I had this snap moment of clarity of like, wow, you're choosing this thing over a girl, which for me, girl, was everything. And you really liked this particular girl. You were speaking to. Very attractive. It was very fun. It was going very well.

Yes. This is going to be so fun. Normally, that's the funnest thing in the world. Right. And I'm like, wow, we've elevated something above this thing that I previously thought was the most attractive thing we could do. But that was more attractive and prettier. Yeah. Yeah, you were choosing between two drugs.

Yes. My first drug, and then my second. That's right. Feeling like a fool. That's right. Okay. So then you went to LaGuardia High School of Performing Arts, which is the Fame School. Yeah.

And fame was on TV when we were kids. Yeah. Well, I saw the movie when I was a kid. I'm sorry. Was it a movie? And then it became a TV show. Okay. Oh, you have to see the movie.

Am I right? Alan Parker was the director? It is so magnificent. I'll do respect to the television show. You'll go, what? Yeah. Was that? I mean, the same.

The cinematography, the characters, the acting. What I do? I know. I wondered, too, but it was also looking cute. It's very cute, but I just want to be protective. I know, yeah. Her hair is good. Yeah, she's known for her hair.

You know what? I had a whole bag of Lola V for you both, and I walked out of the house without it. So this will be coming to you. I have hair paste for you. Okay, great. And shampooing condition for Kristen, too. And then shampoos everything. I can't wait.

And I have a bottle of aquanette for you. A little, what? Aquinette for me. Super extra firm hold. Okay. Not animal tested. No. No.

Oh, exclusively animal tested. I think even orphan tested maybe. They might have just said, screw it. Let's hit the kids. Okay, so was it hard to get into that school? I was a very last minute get into that school because, oh, God, I was such a bad student. I'm going to say things. Really?

Embarrass me forever. I was a terrible student. We have this in common. You're dyslexic, right? Yes. Me too. And I'm not. I thought I was the dumbest person alive.

If only someone thought to take this young kid who struggles to take him to get tested, they didn't have it then, I don't think. What I immediately thought when I learned you were dyslexic is you don't have the same chip on your shoulder. I do. I've observed you don't have the same chip on your shoulder. What does it look like? My chip is like, I'm a no at all. Everyone thinks I'm dumb.

I got to prove I'm smart all the time. And it's exhausting for, you don't have that at all, yeah. I think that's interesting. I kind of just know what I know and I know what I don't know. There was a period, though, where I was mortified to walk into a room or be at a party. I would just think, I don't know. I don't know how to carry on a conversation. And the truth is, the best thing to do is just ask questions.

Yes. What does that mean? Yeah. Explain that to me. Knowing what you don't know is the smartest person in the room, the person who knows what they don't know. Listen, textbook smart, street smart. I could say I'm expert street smart. My EQ versus my IQ.

Exactly. So we're doing pretty good. But when they start writing on the chalkboard and you knew there would be questions that would follow that. If it wasn't auditory, if they weren't telling me something, they were just writing on that chalkboard, I was like, oh, man, I hope to God. They don't ask me what just happened. I don't know what the fuck is happening on that chalkboard.

It's like hieroglyphics. I was doodling. I was writing little scenes, sketches that we were going to act out at recess. Or I'd write a note to somebody. And then I would just get real good laughs and I'd be like, awesome. And then I'd be like, what? Oh, I'm sorry. In the hall.

Oh, shoot, bummer. Yes, in the hallway. And I'd stand there for the rest of the class. I was just constantly maneuvering my way. So I went to performing arts. This sounds terrible. I wanted to be an actor, obviously, because that's all I thought I could do. This could sound awful.

But between grade 9 and 10, and we were given four books to read. And I was like, I'm never going to read these books. I got to get another school. Oh. This is not going to happen. I got to change locations. Like, you saw those four books. It's like, I've just been kicked out of this school.

I was like, all right. So where are we going? Because that's not going to happen. This is absolutely not going to happen. These books are not going to get read. And I don't have any way to figure out a way around that. Can't go stand in the hallway around that. There's no audio books back then.

So, yeah. Do you love audiobooks? I do love audiobooks. I love them. I used to drift and have to rewind. That's part of my dyslexia, though, too, whereas you'd be reading. And then I'd go, oh, I just read a whole page and I don't know what I read because I'm not comprehending anything.

And then my mind would wander. Do you think you might have a little ADHD? I think I might. Yeah. I don't think that about you, but I know my wife is really coming to terms with the fact. Once I hear those symptoms and how they express in women. Especially today, we have so many things that can distract us. Yes.

At once. Look at this room. A lot of stimuli. I mean, just look at you. I don't know if you can see who is behind you guys. They're just taunting you. There's like some weird award I can't see clearly up there. If I have to read these books, I'm out of here.

I know. You can tell me that the only way that we can be on this podcast is to read these books. It also looked like Chris Cornell in that Wheaties box for some reason from where I'm sitting. I'm feeling a little intimidated as well about the books now. They always looked nice. Do you audition to get into things? So yes, it was like late auditions for last minute. I don't know why.

I can't honestly remember. Yeah. You just kind of woke up there one day. I just woke up one there. I learned two monologues. I auditioned and then I came back. And then next thing you know, I was accepted. Did it live up to your, I'm sure you had concocted a pretty good fantasy and expectations about what the experience was going to be like. And did it live up to that? No. Okay. Great. Well, it moved buildings. Oops. So it wasn't in the old's building on 46th Street, which was half of this charm. Yeah. It was just big block building. A soulless building. It was just thousands of kids. Oh, it's huge. Sort of the charm was in there. But the theater teachers were still there.

They were also in the movie. Oh, fun. A couple of them, Mrs. Shine, Mr. Moody. Did they appreciate you? Because the previous teachers were putting you in the hallway. Did it feel like at least you were kind of appreciated there? I was a pre-except from one teacher, Marat Yusim, who was one of our acting teachers who said I was a disgrace to the theater. Okay.

Okay. All right. Little early to make that. Were you? I probably was. I think I might have been pretty discreet. I was doing checkoff and people were laughing. Trying to look for the laughs.

Always. Yeah, yeah, of course. Always. Okay, so you make it out of there. You come to L.A. You're probably 18? To L.A. 19. 19. No, I'm 20.

You're 20 years old. Because I do three years of waitressing college. And you telemarketed, which is great. I telemarketed when I first moved here. I worked at Jackson Hole was run by the wonderful Greek family. So I got an off-Broadway show for two months. They'd let me do it. Then I'd come back.

Oh, that's nice. You arrived here. You had a couple of pilots really quick. You guest start a few times. Quantum's Leap, that's exciting. That's not the name. Quantum Leap, it's not plural. Berkslaw.

Berkslaw? Yeah, you did that. There's a third one in there. There's a couple. I did Malloy. I did Ferris Bueller's Day Off. The spin-off TV show. The television show version.

Yeah, speaking of fame and the spinoff. So we're keeping a theme. Now, my question there was, when I came here and I got on TV. Yeah. No matter what it was, it was so exciting because I was the first Shepherd to ever be on TV. And I wondered, how does having two parents that had pursued it, one of them's on TV, how did it impact your excitement about getting on these shows? They're having been in the business, you mean?

Were you thinking, oh, this isn't good enough or it should be better? Was there already a bar? Well, the bar was just work. My dad was telling me, please don't do this. You're just going to suffer rejection. You're going to be learning science in Athens. Yeah. You're going to end up in Greece anyway.

Just go get a real job, all the cliche things. Yeah. It's so shitty. You would think at least two actors would be supportive, but no. Yeah. Although, I mean, I think some actors today are like, oh, please don't. I hate that. Whatever drives you, if you find passion in something and you love it, go do it.

Back to safety, though. Your parents generally want safety for the children, and it's not safe. It is not a safe profession as far as like. It's a high risk. It's a high risk. Mentally. So I get it. Yeah, emotionally.

Let me just talk about Charlie Sheen. Exactly. Although, he wasn't a kid actor. How old was he? Well, he was young. He was 20 when Platoon won best pitcher. Right. But it wasn't like Bateman on Little House.

That's true. But he had made, that was surprising to me, and I kind of admired it. They had made a catrillion movies, these kids. Yes. Charlie Sheen and his buddies. They really did. With special effects. Yeah.

You could go like, oh, Nepo, baby, blah, blah. blah, but it's like, no, these people have been practicing and we're passionate about this since they were little kids. That Nepo baby thing. It's kind of annoying. Well, you know why? Because here's the deal. Simon, I mean, look at all the law firms.

Blanky, blank, blanking and blanky blank. I mean, all right, isn't that a version of it? It's all the family. Okay, so maybe you got into a door because you're a so-and-so's kid. But if you suck, guess what? Exactly. You're not going to continue to do it. They don't give a fuck after one or two.

No. You might get one or two. My point is, like, what you're under us, estimating is you're only focusing on that you've inherited someone else's status. I get it. I would object to that. That's not fair to everyone else. But what they're not thinking about is like our children have been to sets many times.

My kids understand about lenses. I was walking with my daughter when she was six. She made a joke. I laughed a minute later, she made the same joke. I didn't laugh. And she said out loud at six years old, I went back to the well too much. Whoa. And I'm like, yeah, that's the house she grows up.

And she has a knowledge of this industry that I had about the automotive industry with automotive parents. She knows a lot fucking more and she'll show up knowing a lot more when she's competing with other kids. Now, is that because the door was open for her? She has the skill set already. She was privy to have the education. Growing up in Detroit, the commercial was on non-step was father and son, we build them all. No one's mad that, yeah, that kid was probably 10 carrying bricks and helping the dad build houses. And now they got father and son construction company.

Yeah. Okay, I'm only going to ask you a single question. about friends. That's it. I can't guarantee that. Yes, I make no promises and nor what I want to, because this is her sopranos. My thing I found really interesting

when I was reading about all this, and I just have such a crush on them, I want to bring them up, but you were kind of feeling like you might want to throw in the towel. You were doing pilot after pilot, and they weren't working, and then you ran into Warren Littlefield at a gas station. Is this apocryphal or real?

Oh, God, that is true. Yes, because I have. had gone to the final stage, go to network, and then I think I definitely said something to him at a gas station. It was on Crescent and Sunset Boulevard and Crescentites. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what did you say? I might have given him a headshot or I said something like, please cast me, please. I don't love it. At another time, I said, will you please give me a washer and dryer? And he wrote that down on a napkin. As part of your negotiation? I just kept hearing that all these actors were getting cars and getting these things once they got hired and friends had happened.

And we were, I don't know, at the up fronts for something. And I said, you wanted a congratulatory wash and dryer. I was like, what are all these actors? Why do they get these treats for chose and stuff? And I said, treats. Actor treats. He's elaborate, these very expensive gifts. And he was like, well, what do you want?

And I was like, really? And he's like, yeah. And I couldn't think of anything. And I was like, I need a washer and a dryer. No kidding. And did he deliver? Yeah. Oh, really?

I lied. There were actually two I wrote down. The other one was I had no idea until yesterday that you had been offered SNL. That would have been impossible for me to turn down. Well, you know, I was thought I was such hot shit. The story of that is all very confusing. Honestly, today I'd have to ask Lorne. Because I remember I was in New York City and I had a meeting with Lauren.

Warren Michaels, and I ran into Sandler and Spade in the room right outside, and I knew Sandler forever. You knew him pre-friends. Yes. Oh, wow. Because he was very good friends with Charlie Schlauter who played Ferris Bueller in the television version of Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Wow, you guys go so far back.

So we met at Jerry's Deli in like 1912. Just before the Spanish floor. Just before. Right before. So I don't know why I had this self-righteous attitude of like, I don't know. women are treated the way they should be treated on this show. It's a very male-dominated. I would love to be here if it was in the Gilda Radner Day.

I mean, this is the brain that semi-remembers things that are back that far. Yes. Something like that. I can't remember, but I just remember friends then happened and then that's where I went. You really fucked up. You chose wrong. You think so? Oh, my God, yes.

Well, shit. People say regrets. I had that. I could be interviewing you and I could be going, so you turned. now I'm friends for us and people would be like, oh, no, I would be the saddest story of all time. It all works out. It works out. Everything is sort of meant to be.

Do you think that in the middle, when something is bad currently, are you like, it's going to work out? Are you positive that way? Well, you have to be. It's hard. It's hard. But you have to then consciously turn towards what's positive. I'm going to feel like a broken record. We're not designed to take in this much information.

It's too much. We're not designed that way. There's way too much information from all over the world within a blip of a second, every single bit of information. No wonder mental illness is through the roof and anxiety. It's a different time. I totally agree. Back to the, when we live with 100 other people our entire life. Sure.

You probably would never even hear about a murder your whole existence. Or maybe there'd be one. And you can hear about hundreds of murders a day. There might be one natural disaster in your life. lifetime. Here, you'll hear about all of them. You're so right. We don't have the capacity for it. We don't know. We think we do. We have this arrogance. Like, I don't know, I can handle all this. I can watch news all fucking day long and not be affected. I don't think that's true. I would rather live in ignorance as bliss. I understand that. I need moments of that.

Okay. I know you have friends thoughts. So I want to hear that. I don't have friends questions, really. I'm just grateful for it. That's it. Here's what I wanted to connect the dots on. Yeah. So you didn't have a VCR. And you're obsessed with Laverne. and Shirley. And you used to record audio tapes on cassette tape of the episodes and then listen to just the audio. And I was like, if I've ever heard a Monica Padman thing in my fucking life. Oh.

We have some real crossover. I VHS taped every episode of Friends. This was before the DVDs. And I had a whole color-coded system. You did? Yeah. Where like each season was a color. And I would write the episode on the tape and the rest.

color. Then there was these pictures with the number of the tape. And I had 32 tapes. And, you know, the finale was the day before an AP exam. And fuck the AP exam. Oh, no. What did you too? No horrible. I had to watch. You guys were on something after Leno maybe. And then Oprah the next day. Oprah, Leno, I don't remember. I had to tape it all. And I didn't study. Why would I study the most important thing in the whole? Exactly. Exactly. So I probably failed that test. I feel like owe you an apology. No. You know what? It all worked out. You're welcome.

Exactly. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's the highlight of her. It was everything to me. That's so. It was such an escape. I was thinking about it recently because I was like, what? I have so many reasons why.

But one is we don't have comedies like that anymore. We don't have shows like that where you do kind of know it's going to work out. Even though, you know, there's stakes, I'm not saying there's not, but it is going to work out. And it makes you feel safe. and it brings hope. My favorite shows now don't have hope. I love them, but they're scary and you don't know if it's going to work out and it might not.

They might kill the lead character and you're like, fuck, I'm on pins and needles. Yes, the anxiety is at a 10. The game of the throne of it all. So true. It's the opposite of what that was, which is just reassurance. They can't hurt a friend.

They would never hurt one of the friends. They won't kill one of the friends. They won't get hit by a cab. And when you're like a teenager, you don't know what's going to happen. Everything's scary. Yeah. People are going to make fun of you.

But this is a constant. I can't really explain how important it is with words, but I'm grateful. I can feel that. I love that. I wish you could have come to a taping. I had a recurring dream that you guys got back together and then I went to a taping. And so for a while, I was like, I think I saw. I think.

And then it was just a crazy dream, delusion. That was here, right? You were here. I was here. It was perfect. I didn't need to do that. And here we are. We just were with somebody, Kristen, and I, and we were discussing this exact thing.

Obsessed with her show, by the way. Oh, what a kiss. Have you ever seen a better kiss? No. On television? No. Maybe you had some, but I might have missed it. No, none of us.

I don't think anyone on the planet Earth. I also like, was it the putting down of the cups and all of the things, like it was something just so beautiful. It was just this foreplay. It was a set piece. Yeah, it was really. Was it a kiss that was actually, they took the time, they made it like a set piece. It built, Bill, Bill, Bill.

I'm going to fucking die if they don't kiss. They fucking kiss it and it's great. Yeah. Yeah, it was so good. I guess that's the show that's the closest to that feeling right now, which is like, it's probably going to be okay. It felt good. We needed that. I binged it.

I don't binge things. Yeah. And I could not get, I'm also so happy for my friend Aaron, Sarah, as well. It's great. Happy for everybody. Yeah, they created a cultural phenomenon their first time at bat. It's incredible. Thank her for that.

I only had one single question about your movie career, which is Bruce Almighty. Oh, mega hit of a lifetime. Yeah. What is it like acting on the other side of Jim Carrey? Does it rattle your own sense of reality? And like, what is the experience? Because he is pulling off something that is the most heightened we've ever seen. Yeah.

I just can't really imagine what it's like being opposite of that. He's a big kid at that point. It's quite enjoyable. You would think it's going to be, you're like, what do I do? How do I keep up? We just had fun. Oh, good. We just volleyed.

And you never had the sense you were leaving your own tone. No, because I was the grounding. He's sort of the whirling that guy. I can't remember his name. Wasn't Bruce? Wasn't Bruce? It was. It should be.

I think it was. You would hope, Bruce Almighty. I hope. I don't know either, but I'm doing reverse engineering. It's not like God's name was Bruce. Oh, God. Yeah, I think it was. He's Bruce.

Yes, Bruce. Sure. When you say Bruce right now, it's like, why would you name a character Bruce? He does not read as a Bruce. No, he doesn't read in my memory as a Bruce. No, he was Jim probably the whole time. And then there was Evan Almighty and that was Steve Correll. And so he must have been Evan if we're putting the pieces together.

Yes, it's even more proof that his name was Bruce. Sorry, Jim. I did the math on this and I want people to think about this for one second. So I was reading this article that you were in. And they had done the research. This is not my research. And they had said, cumulatively, 2,000 tabloid covers. Like, that's the total number of tablet covers.

And I did the math. I love math. I do. I love math. See, I failed. Terrible. Let me hold your hand and walk you into this math. To help me, and I'd be like, gosh, can you get this pretty this out of.

I just asked for a washer and dryer. Was that financially? Is that? Am I winning on this? He got a Ferrari. I don't know what model number, but are they comparable? I got a GE washer and dryer. 2,000 tabloid covers is a tabloid cover every single day for the next 5.47 years.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I just want people to think about what that experience would be that there's a tabloid cover of you every day until 2030. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's so odd. this world bonkers. Yeah.

And you said to that, when they hit you with that number, you said, yeah, I took it all very personally. Of course. I did. I don't know why. I mean, of course, I know why. Because I was a kid growing up, I'd look at those covers and I'd be like, really? Is that true?

Oh, my goodness. Yeah. A alien and a hair boy? Wasn't there always like a hairy boy on those covers? Yes, like, oh, he's like a Sasquatch kind of a thing. Yeah, yeah. Maybe he's a monkey boy. Yeah.

Yeah, something. That's so funny. I think there's a generation now that doesn't understand tabloids. It's Instagram now. Exactly. I guess it's the internet. Way more people allowed access to participate in it. Not only is the cover there, but then we get to hear what everyone's takeaway from the cover was.

It used to be there would be a week or two weeks later that you'd open the first two pages and it would be letters from readers. Uh-huh. Five little letters of what they thought. Someone would be like, meh, snark. And then there was one that was like, loved it, loved it. And I'm like, ooh, I hated, hated it. But there would only be like a couple. It went through some filter.

Sure. Like they're not going to let something insanely misogynistic land in that letters to the editor. Right. But in some ways it was worse because that's the only way people were getting this salacious information was the tablets. Now there's a new thing every 45 seconds. So like you could be in a article, but then tomorrow you're not going to be an article. Something else is going to wash it away. And then AI is going to come in and then it's not even you saying things.

Exactly. Like there was a tabloid story about Chris and I that we were swingers. And I don't think people even remember that we were swingers. That's not true? It's not true. We could perhaps, under the right circumstance, you know. You could send a letter and they can have a very open dialogue about that. If the right participants presented themselves.

But see, that's such a headline that you go, that's so ridiculous. But yours were too. Oh, yeah. No, it's true. It's very true. I don't know. Yours were more ridiculous. Did you ever consider, because you have the leverage, I want to say, we are both so fucking grateful you're doing this.

I think it's nothing but high risk for you. You don't need any press. And we both really appreciate it. It's such an honor. But did you ever consider, I'm just never going to do press again. I'm going to go act in things and they can pay me whatever reduced amount for not promoting it. If you had those debates with yourself, you have. Right?

All the time. It says, don't fucking bring this up. Because I actually love to go into a conversation with people. That's a sad part, right? Yeah. I love it. I love watching you. I love listening to you.

I enjoy it. I find it interesting. This is safe. Do I get nervous? Obviously, that's just because I do. Well, and you've been fucking burned beyond. Believe, like, you've earned some apprehension. There's little things that get, even recently, something came out,

referring to a question that was asked about. The Metball. Why haven't you been to the Metball? The answer was simply, I don't know, it intimidates me. It's not my thing, period. That was all, but an elaborate answer was created out of it. Things will always get misconstrued. But I always go into a conversation, really happy to have the conversation. And it used to be even more so because I hadn't been burned.

And when we say burned, it just means the writer's doing their job to make it more interesting. I don't think they're intentionally trying to do something. That's generous of you. Yeah, that's generous. Because they are. They're trying to get clicks. I mean, it is their job. It is how they get paid.

Also, to make me sound a little more interesting than, no, I don't like it. I mean, you're like, that's the answer. Yeah, yeah. What's the gossipy part of this? Like, that's what they want. Did you ever go into skies places? No. You haven't?

No. Have you ever considered that? Hat, glasses, scarves. That doesn't cut it, though. No, you mean like when they put a actual mask on? Well, so Mila and Ashley. told me they bought a piece of shit car. Yes.

Like a $1,200 car. Yes. And they had masks. And they'd send their real car out with a friend. They'd drive in the pop-raising. Then they'd get in this fucking clunker and drive on. I was like, this is incredible. And would they go out into the night or have a date night or something?

I think they just needed to leave their neighborhood and not get followed. And then I assume the mask. I doubt they went to El Trito. Right. And ate the whole meal with masks on. It's a bummer that they didn't do that. And I've done all sorts of things. I remember wanting to write a book called,

stories from the floorboard where I'm getting in the backseat of cars and just sort of maneuvering through and then switching out and getting to a different car. I've done that. Yeah. Okay, I have a pitch for you. Would you like to go to Burning Man with me? No. Yep. Pitch over. Correct answer. That is the correct answer. I didn't hear the rest of the question. Sorry, go on. Finish your question. I don't think it's worthwhile. Wait, I want to dying to hear the rest of it. Because you can go to Burning Man in feathers. You could be an ostrich and I could be a donkey. Right. We could mill about. we could see all the art, you could be completely anonymous. Yeah.

And everybody else is just like on all sorts of drugs so they won't even know what's happening. You get those street smarts, the walking home from Jackson Hole, that would come up. That comes back. I don't know. Do you go to Burning Man? No, but I want to. I think it's giving me many years resolution for 2026. Really?

Yeah. I have a lot of friends who I trust deeply and I value their opinion. And they love it. My friend Joy Bryant in particular. Yep. She's like, you can't miss it. If you're on planet Earth, you must go. see this. She's like the art is insane. The things that are happening are wild. You can kind of

pick what experience you want. There's a lot of different camps you can be in and they vary in extremeness. So that's a thing I would love to see. Why haven't you done it yet? I don't think I had been pitched so fullheartedly by this very trusted source. I got you. And now I'm like, yeah, you're damn right. I don't want to leave this planet without having seen that spectacle. Have I intrigued you at all? No. No. Only because my friend group, my girls, their husbands have gone many times. They went 12, 15 years straight. So I've seen the photos.

I've seen the videos. I've heard the stories. And I just go, I just don't think I can. Not for me. That's fair. I'm also don't love crowds. Yes, understandably. But since I was a kid, I don't like crowds.

That's just, I don't know what that is. Are you the type that can be peer pressured or are you like, I made my decision? I'm pretty, no, cut and dry. I can think about it. But no, I would never be peer pressured. Okay. About the tabloids. Because of all this,

because everyone knew your business and there was a lot of public information. How do you feel about being pitied? Hate it. Yeah. There's been so much pity towards you over the years and it feels so unfair. It's like, she seems good. I really just like it a lot. Hate is such a strong word.

It's exhausting. That's my most hated so you know. Like if someone pities me, like, so you think I'm weak, that's my number one. Being labeled, the poor anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No point in even trying to rewrite it because that's just stuck. Yeah. That's the role they assigned you, and that's what it is.

Probably. Not much to really undo that. And that's okay. Yeah. Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare. So over the years, you took it really personal, do you think you have transcended that? Or still, a little bit. Like, like, let's say at a height, it was a 10.

Oh, yeah. I was just, I'm so upset. I mean, I would always take, how did this happen or how do we write it? Because if they give you the heads up, you're like, that's just not true. At this point, I just don't pay attention. And I realize it doesn't matter. We're still here. I love my work.

I do my job. I have a gorgeous, stunning group of friends that know who I am. And that's all that really matters. I like your group of friends. I was learning about your group of friends in my research. A lot of crossovers in our group of friends. We have a lot of crossovers with the Batemins, Amanda, Jason. Jimmy Moll.

Jimmy Molli. But the two I like that I learned about was I admire Gwyneth Paltrow so much. I think she's such a badass. I just think she's so cool. She's the epitome of I don't care. Yes, I love it so much. Take a page out of her book. She's a really good person to look to for that sort of who said it?

Who cares? Ask yourself, is that true? Right, right. Or even before they would say it, is it true? First thing I would say, is that actual fact? No. So then what's the problem? The problem is this other part of my brain.

And so wants to be the get off. I know, I know. Those little two voices. Well, I have the thing that will trap me is I'm stubborn to the point where I like, even the going to the burning man thing. It's like, I refuse to not be able to do the things I want to do. Is that increased as you've gotten older? I think it came out that way. Has that lessened at all?

Have you sort of relaxed out of it in terms of I should not be so stubborn. I should be a little more flexible. I've had to because I am in a family and I have these two little girls who have an opinion. They're stubborn as fuck. There's not enough room for another one of us to be stubborn. Chris, I'm very stubborn, I'm very stubborn. Busy household.

And now we've got two other stubborn people in the house. Yeah. And so Chris, I think both were like, okay, well, one of the variables has to change in this equation. It's certainly not going to be these little kids. So I think that has definitely helped me get over some of it. What's your sign? Could you guess? I would say Taurus.

Okay. Or Virgo. I'm Capricorn. Or Capricorn. Okay. He's very, very. very Capricorn. Two Capricorn, Monica might argue. I didn't say that. Stop putting things on me. What are you?

What do you think? I know. I feel like you're like a Pisces or a Gemini. No, I am not water. I'm a Virgo. Virgo. I'm a double Virgo. Double Virgo. Particular. Are you, do you see things out of the corner of your eye and you just want to move it? All of it. Definitely. What are you? Oh, February. I'm like, I'm an aquarium. Aquarius. I think that's what my dad is. I've, we're talking about kids and this might be a no-no, but I'm curious. Hit it.

You can ask me anything. Okay. I froze my eggs twice. It went very badly. I did a podcast about it. It was following the journey. It was a whole thing. And I'm 38.

And I am single. And I'm feeling like time to start making some big decisions. It kind of feels like now or never-ish to even try with some of those eggs. And I'm starting to just feel like. Like, I think it's never. And why? Because. Can't ask you a bigger question?

Yes, please. Are you doing that, the freezing? Yeah. Have you always wanted children? I've always not known. If you wanted them. Yes. So it's not like we had Chelsea on that podcast, Chelsea Handler, who I know we both love.

And she's kind of always been like, no, I don't. It's very cut and dry. Nope, not my thing. I respected and I wish I had that because it's not bad. It's very much like, oh, I'm very close with. their kids and it's like oh my god to have one of these that's mine you know you get kind of wrapped up in it but also my life is also very full what you just said about all your friends and your life I have the same thing so it kind of feels like maybe it's okay that I don't you've said you're

on the other side of that and I wonder if there's peace there oh it's so peaceful but I will say there's a point where it's like out of my control there's literally nothing I can do about it when people say but you can adopt I don't want to adopt yeah I want to adopt yeah I want my own DNA in a little person. Yes. That's the only one, selfish or not, whatever that is, I wanted it. But is there the moments of, well, this goes around into a topic I don't really want to discuss, but when you meet someone and you go, God, we would have made some good kids.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. So that might come up and then that'll pass within three seconds. Right. Right, right. And you're like, but guess what? You'll plan a trip to Mexico? Yeah. You'll be on that trip.

Just take a look at that vacation for five minutes. And you're like, oh, good night, bye, see you later. What are we going to watch? Yes. It's a romanticizing, but once you are on the other side of it, because it's out of your control. Yeah. Just wasn't in the plan, whatever the plan was. Exactly.

I do think some people, though, can't. Let it go. I worry, I guess that would be me. Come over and I'll help you let it go. Okay. I'll take that invite. Yes. It's a lot.

It is a lot. And by the way, it's very emotional, especially in the moment when they say, That's it. Because there is a weird moment when that happens. Yeah. It's getting too dark for this podcast. No, no. But it's like there's a moment when it's actually, oh, yeah, this is not even viable.

Exactly. So time is up. Oh. That's probably a blessing and a curse. It probably hurts really bad. Yeah. And then probably you move into acceptance mode and it probably is liberating on the other side. Yeah.

Last personal question. And then we're going to end the morning show. How many dogs do you have? Two. Okay. That's nothing. I had three. Well, I've had three at a time.

And I have two. and then there might, you know, there's... Yeah, and Claudio takes a bite out of life. Yeah, Clydeo. It is a very cute book. Yes. Yes, and it's about finding your passion and your program. It's my contribution as a dog mom at a mother, whether dog to human,

but to the children's book world. I know you don't read anything, but I do hope you see... That book I can read. No, no, no, no. That book. Do you want me to read it to you at Bernie, ma'am? I can read book that's also coming out. That's really good.

out a neighborhood cat. Wait, is it a forthcoming book? It'll be the third, yeah, super cute. I know you're not consuming what's out there in the world, but I kind of do hope the comments Bateman has made recently about your contribution to his kids' lives. I hope that filtered through to you. Sweet.

She said, you're like a comb on. I know. It's the sweetest thing. And those kids were since that like, yeah. And now she's in my bikinis. Like really working them. And you're just like, oh my God, I can't. Why am I having an issue with this yet?

Her first vacation, she was going on a trip to Italy with all these kids by themselves, and I was like, did they pack condoms? Yeah. But they both looked at me like, why? I'm like, are you kidding? Yeah, pull your head on the same. Have you seen the bikini? Have you seen her?

Oh, my God. It's because the kids are such an active reminder of time. It's so wild. Like, it's easy as adults to forget that it's moving, but they don't let you forget. No. And they can just chill out. I know. We love that they'd take a break.

Slow it down a little bit. Yeah. Pump the brakes. How old are yours? 10 and 12. Yeah. Okay, morning show. Mm.

Oh! Okay, season four of Morning Show. Yes. I'm caught up. I'm waiting tomorrow. I'll get another installment. You're dealing with a tough one. You go to interview this athlete from around.

You're in the first episode. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then the father puts in your hand this piece. a paper that says we want to defect, they're in town for the Olympics, and you're like, I got to help. How would you not?

But you don't know that really he wants to defect because he's a nuclear engineer in Iran. So now this is a very big geopolitical. That was a little made to switch. It was. He a little bit misled you. A little bit of a mislead there. Just goes to show you, pause and think about things. Sure.

Before you just. Again, pump the brakes. Pump it. Yeah. Well, now wait, do you see what happens? Oh, boy. I can't wait. Oh, boy.

This show's scary. It keeps predicting. things that happen that are very bad. I know. Tell me. All of it. Also, the space ladies predicted. Oh, well, that was... That wasn't very bad. That was the billionaire in their rocket ships. And then there was the crews with a mysterious virus. That was the end of the first season. There's all sorts of... There were others. I'm blanking. Well, it rides this line of like, it's very much tackling the issues that are happening in pop culture. And yet it's also

fiction. And then so people are trying to connect dots that don't connect. Right. Which would kind of drive me nuts if I were you. Like you were dating John Hamm and he was a billionaire who went to rug. So people are like, oh, that's Elon Musk. And you're like, my character, do what fucking did you? It's not. And then you're going too far. That's John Ham playing a billionaire. Yes. But your character, I mean, it's not hard at all to draw the parallel between you and the character. In that, you're an incredibly powerful woman. And you are navigating still what is still a very male world. Right.

The challenge is being a woman in the very male dominated world and dealing with public perception, the private world that's going on behind the scenes. The price that you can't help but pay. Mm-hmm. The drive to get what it is. You know you have the ability that you can do. Yeah. I am capable of this.

Women are capable of this. Yes. So when you've seen these scripts come in, are you so excited in that like, Yeah, I can't wait to shine a light on this. Or are you like, this is a little too close? I don't want it to be so mean. What's that balance? I don't look at it that way, actually.

I do look at it in a way of women need to know that they are able to be in positions of power. It has happened and it will keep happening. And this is a version of that happening. Yeah. And I love to represent that as an idea that you can strive for. I guess a better question would be, where are they parallel and where do they diverge? I'm not as angry. I'm not as.

cutthroat. Fearless. Interesting. I don't think I am as cutthroat. There's a very alive and well people leisure inside of me that would love to make more swings at some things than I do. The other fun real life parallel is it's a show about two women. It's about two women who are both sharing power in a very finite vacuum of power that's available. And the show itself is a breakthrough in that you have you and Reese who conventionally would only have your own show and probably be pitted against each other deciding to come together and be like no no there's room for both us here and the pot's big enough for both of us how did that come about we both believe that but there's room for all of us right actresses should not be pitted against each other because there's

opportunity and it's only increasing forgive the example but it's like ocean's 11 no one said like Well, there's no way we can do it. They're all too big. How will we pay them all? Right. Right. Exactly. That was fine.

We're like, oh, we'll figure it out because we want to see this. And they did figure it out. They figured out a few times. Try to remember what they did. They might have done it a couple times. More than one or two or three times. I think there was only one female version of that. Exactly.

We haven't seen that again. Who approached who? Michael Elmberg approached us both with the book. Were you friends prior to that? Yes, she was on friends. Oh, I don't. Oh, no, I do know that because you guys. because you guys interviewed each other.

It was a battle of the blue eyes. I was like, whose eyes are bluer in this interview? My fucking God. Depending on who got the better light. Yours are really beautiful blue balls. No one was suffering in the blue eyes department in that. It was like, test your friendship. This is very telling.

Well, that's the other thing. We're friends. We know each other, but we don't wake up together. Right, right, right, right. Not bringing her coffee in bed. Yeah. She doesn't even live here. No, she really left all of us.

Yeah, she abandoned us. He's our neighbor now, actually. She is. Yeah. In Tennessee. See? But she's a special gal, right? I love her.

She is a spitfire. She works harder than anyone. She's Tracy Flick to some degree. She's so Tracy Flick. She'll be the first one to say that. She is fearless. She will speak her mind. She's the sponge for sure.

Yeah. How are you guys in and yangy? She loves to read and learn and probably ace tests and work, work, work, work. And I want to go outside and. and lay in the sun and listen to a podcast, talk to a group of girlfriends, a group of friends, have a barbecue, talk about what's going on, listen to another podcast,

and then go to work on Monday. I don't know if I could say I'm a little more laid back. That's okay. We'll see how they compare. It'll be interesting. We're going to talk to her in a couple weeks. Oh, God. We'll ask her.

We'll see if this matches up. I'm sure she agrees. You said that you know your value at work, though. You said, I know my value when it comes to career. Do you feel that about the other places in your life at this point? I do. I do. She's like, I don't go into fucking Burning Man with you.

You know, easily that was. She's like, fuck you. I don't know if this hurts your feelings. I don't know what fantasy you've cooked up where we're going to go to burning man. By the way, I'm psyched for you because you are going to have a good time since you are dying to go. I'm built for chaos. It arouses me. Okay, good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, did I say bring a medical kit? Someone will have one. No. They won't. They're on drugs. I'm not kidding. Please bring me a phone, but they won't be able to find it.

Oh, no. And a phone that you will know you can use, what do they call them? Yes, satellite phone. Thank you, satellite phones. Okay, I'll bring this app phone if that makes you feel safer. That will make me feel much better. Okay. Because I won't tell you the other stories of other friends.

Sure, a lot of things go down. But I think it can be tricky, though, because if you have such a big career, you can say, well, maybe that's why some of these other things haven't worked out for me the way I want. I think that all the time. I'm like, well, I have this. So I won the lottery in this area, so maybe I don't get these other things. I don't think that's the smart way of thinking, but yeah, I wonder if you've experienced that. Oh, sure.

Knowing your value, it's kind of like you know what you know and you know what you don't know, right? I know where I excel. Are there parts of me that wish and want to be in some of these other areas of this business? Absolutely. Doing other kinds of movies? Absolutely. Working with certain other directors, absolutely. Yeah.

But I also find that to be the fun of still being excited about like, I'm going to go make that happen. You know, we're not done. Yeah. We're not like, and this is where we coast now. We had Jeanette McCurdy on to talk about, I'm glad my mom's dead. Yeah, I'm glad my mom died.

I think that's a brave role to sign up for is what I wanted to say. Oh, yes. First of all, Jeanette is so lovely. We felt so in love with her. It's crazy. Isn't she just so funny and clever and smart? She's unbelievably smart. And the way she channeled that life into that book.

So, yeah, yeah. And with that humor and sort of the wink in the midst of a lot of of pain and suffering, so she's remarkable. And I can't wait to start playing that part. It's been almost two years now that we've had it. And I started prep end of the summer. So that's a character that gets me nervous. Oh, yes. That's why I'm so excited about it. Like I said, it's a very, very brave. Yeah. Yeah, it's out of the comfort. So if a job is making me nervous, it means it's something obviously that I know will challenge me. Not that the others aren't challenging. I mean, certain comedy is super fun. And I've done that for so long. But it's okay that

That's easier. It comes easier. I've been practicing being a clown from the get-go. Yeah. It was ourself. It's what helped us grow up without dying inside. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Make people laugh.

Then you're like, oh, bring joy. That's a good way to ease it, regulate, be happy. So playing that woman, because Jeanette's mom and my mom had some odd parallels. So it'll be cathartic in many, many ways. And we just couldn't believe the amount of stories that we had in common. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an important story to tell. It'll help a lot of young kids, just parents, adults,

and processed life that they've lived. Okay, I save this as the last thing I want to say to you because I don't think you're going to take it well. I have to imagine you two have found yourself in these conversations. They're very fun. It's like you're sitting around with a bunch of other actors and cumulatively we've met nearly everybody in the business. And you kind of go like,

who's magic on screen that in real life is magic? Like you're working with the perfect example, which is Billy Crudeau. I'm like, oh, this motherfucker off screen, there's only one adjective for that guy. It's magic. He is pure magic and committed because he really lives up to it. Like if you looked up Thespian in the dictionary, you'd see Billy's face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's nothing that matters more to him than the work.

For 10 years now, every time this conversation comes up, I always, always say, the person that just completely blew my mind is I thought Jennifer Aniston, was hot on screen. Oh, my God. And then I saw her in real life and I was like, oh, my gosh. She's like the most beautiful person I've ever seen. I've said this 150 times. I think I've said it on here before. That's so sweet.

I just think you're so overwhelmingly beautiful in real life. You're my example. I always give 100% of the time. Oh, my gosh. I don't even ever to say. I'm so blushy. My max to the couch now. You're blushy.

That's so sweet. I'm so humble because how much. many people have said that you are the most beautiful person. I mean, everyone says it. I don't think we all look at ourselves and feel that way. That's interesting, though. I think that'd be interesting for people. You are still blushing hearing that. Still blushing hearing that. You said friends, you had a color coordinated thing and I'm like, I want to cry. And I'm still going, what? That means your ego is so correct. And it did not have to be. You could be so off on another planet. and I think most people in your position probably are.

Yeah, you could have been like, no shit, dude, get in line. Yeah, you're like, yeah, says everybody. I agree. I've been told before and I agree. That's the first thing I've agreed with you about today. I thought you were going to me, who is the person? And I was like going like, oh, my God. No, but you and I at dinner, we know, we know.

I can't wait to have dinner with you again to tell you more. We know, we know. Yeah. And you'll forever be my example of like, well, I'll tell you who blow your fucking door. I adore you. I'm so, so grateful you came. And I want to, of course, Monica, if there's anything. Your letter moved me so much.

I really did. For the listener, I did send a love letter via Molly McNerney. Big shout out Molly. Yay, Mals. Love her so much. And she did send it to you. And then I got an email from Stephen the next day. And it was right before my birthday.

And I was like, happy birthday to me. What a special, special thing. I'm so glad that timing happened. I know. It was perfect. Yeah, very fucking cool of you for reading Moni's letter and then coming. I think that's so sweet. And, you know, these are not my, I don't.

You don't do them? Well, I go, what do I have to talk about? I don't have nothing to say. But this was so fun. Oh, good. We had so much fun. It's so fun. I felt like I had a really great conversation with two people I adore.

This was so wonderful. Everyone Watch Morning Show is out currently. It's on Apple TV Plus. It goes to November 19th. So if you're not caught up, binge. And I adore you. Thanks for coming. I adore you too.

Thank you. So fun. I sure hope. there weren't any mistakes in that episode, but we'll find out when my mom, Mrs. Monica, comes in and tells us what was wrong. New merch coming. While you're already in it. Yeah.

Limited dish. So we're working with the new, like, company, and it's really good quality. You're liking the quality a lot. Yeah. I can't wait to pop some on. Yeah. Is that the only color it comes in? This one, yeah, but we have other stuff, too.

Great. And you got some enormous stonewashed jeans on with, Patchwork. Yep. I think those are new. I haven't seen those yet. What? I've worn them.

To this show. I mean, you've worn them in real life. I think I've worn them to this show. I have to replace. I sometimes have to wear the same clothes twice, you know. Sometimes, yeah. Yeah. We're on different trajectories.

Like, I put on a pair of pants and I wear them for about eight days. Yeah, sure. And then I switch pants. Now, do they start to smell? No. You sure? To smell them. Okay.

How many days have you won those? Well, to be fair, I watched these when we got back to Nashville after our motorcycle trip. Because I was about to say these have a thousand miles of open air road on them. Right. But I did wash them a few days ago. And did you travel in them yesterday? Yeah. All right.

All right. Oh, come on now. I'm just kidding. There's no way. They don't smell. They don't smell. I did have my prostate exam in this morning. Oh, my God.

Yeah. What happened? Well, I wasn't expecting this, but I had a follow-up appointment with my primary caregiver. Internist. My internist, that's right. And I thought I was just going to chat, and then I gave some more blood and some more yawn. And then he said, okay, why don't you drop your slacks and turn on your side? Yeah.

I want to feel your prostate. And did you say, I know you want to, but do you need to? No, I just comply. Oh, my God. You never do that. Well, at the doctor, I tend to. Wow. Although that's not true, no, because he wanted me to get a flu vaccine.

He said, no thanks. But then he said, what about the numinoma cockamamoma, pinonia vaccine? And I said, sure, I'll take that one. N pneumonia, yeah. The Nunococococcal. Numococcal pneumonia. Numacoccal. Numercoccal.

Guys, why? I know. Not everyone has a hard to. Time with it, though. But Huey and I are just lamenting about this. Why do all these prescriptions have to have an X, a J, a Z? It's like they're going out of their way to make it difficult. In pneumococcal pneumonia.

I think it's fun. It's like alliteration. Okay. Okay. It seems excessively hard for no reason. It is a lot. What's the goal to let people know what it is or to like flex with how many letters you can put in the name? I don't think it has to be about letting people know what it is.

So maybe it's Latin and stuff. Okay. Anyway, back to your... Anyways, okay, so, you know, so I did pee. I did give blood. Then he went in there. And, I mean, I had anxiety, but not for the reason you might think. What do you think my anxiety was?

During the exam? Him putting his finger... Poop. Yes, like, I had gone this morning, but it was not what I wanted because I had... So he puts his finger up there? Of course. What else is he going to feel my prostate? I don't know.

But he didn't even ask me, like, have you had a movement or anything? He just, I guess, assumed I had. He shouldn't assume. Some people don't have regular movement. No. And again, I didn't have, like, what I would call a completely satisfactory movement this morning. Anyways, he went in there. I guess there was no obstructions.

And he said that my prostate felt tiny and healthy. Oh, great. Tiny. Hmm. That's like, generally, that. That's not a good descriptor, but in this case it is. Okay. Yeah.

Wow. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I just feel like there should be a way to do that without having to stick your finger in there. Hmm. Like in 2025. Although some part of me is like, I love how old school it is. Sometimes it's as old-fashioned as that.

His finger, my prostate. Yep, that's the right size. Wow. Which I trust more than a gizmo. What's a gizmo? Oh, like an ultrasound that looked through. Oh, I trust that. When you have the actual image and it can probably be measured?

Yeah. Yeah. Just based off his little finger. What if his finger was enlarged and my prostate just smelled small. Yeah. Relative to this. Wow. Do you feel violated today?

No, it was fine. Okay. That's good. And then he gives you some tissues to wipe your butt with afterwards because there's a lot of jelly. Oh, jelly. Yeah. Not just like a random butt wipe. But it's an emasculating or something.

something experienced to wipe your butt on the side of the table. Oh. You know, it's very vulnerable. That image is raw. Yeah, wiping it on my side. I felt like a prostitute to it just like, you know, like I was gathering myself up. Sex worker. No, I felt like a prostitute.

I'm not calling other sex workers. Oh, because sex workers have respect. I felt like a prostitute from the 80s. Okay. Wow. Back when they were prostitutes. Did you look at the tissue? It was clean as hell, thank God. But you were worried.

Yeah, just you're wiping your blood in front of a doctor. Oh. I know. I'm glad you're having the same reaction. Yeah. He should leave so you can wipe. I'll let you. I'm going to step out while you wipe.

Yeah. That's crazy too. No, it's not. It's here. You can wipe. I'm going to go do some. No one should be wiping inside out, away from a toilet is what the issue for me is. I know.

Wiping happens on a toilet. Yeah. You're right. Not like, I'm going to bring into the lobby wipe or I'm going to bring into this closet. Not lobby, no. He goes to do some, quote, paperwork while you clean up. While I do paperwork.

Well, yeah. So anyways, I think that's all good. That's positives. Okay. The prostate was the normal size. Well, actually, I think it's kind of nice that they give you the tissue because when you get like a pap smear. Yeah.

They, or when like I got my eggs frozen, they like, you do a lot of internal ultrasounds. And they looved the hell out of that. Yes. And then you don't get tissue. And so it's all like good. Yeah, it's a jelly, too. I don't like that. Yeah. It feels so weird in your underwear.

It does. In your underwear. It does. Yeah. Wow. Wowzers. Oh, my. Okay, you've had quite a morning.

I've had quite a couple weeks, but today is my last day of antibiotics, which I'm delighted about. Okay, cool. Speaking of fingers. Yeah. I had another hand injury. Oh, no. What happened? It's not as exciting as my own.

other ones. Right. But weirdly, okay, so I get a flower delivery every two weeks. It's like the highlight of my month. Yeah. It's so excited. Twice a month. Yeah. Yeah. I have two highlights. And it's really exciting. Yeah. And they came. How long do they last? So it depends on the flower. Normally a week, but I think these are going to get me a little longer. Okay. Because the stem is like wood. Okay. It's a branch. Yeah, it's more branch-like, and that's good, but also, so you're supposed to cut the ends of all the stems, you know, before you put them in water and stuff. Right, so that they'll leach up the water. Yes.

And cutting the branches is harder than cutting regular flowers. Right. And I have special scissors. Hacks are. Well, I probably should have, because I was using my scissors and, like, you know, it was, like, really hard to cut. Yeah, you need pruning shears. I have, I have. pruning flower ones that are sharper than regular scissors but they're not for wood i don't know yeah right

anyway and i was like squeezing really hard and then all of a sudden i was like oh my finger hurts and i looked and i had this huge hole in my finger and i had a bunch of wood in it oh you poke you you poked yourself with the wooden branch i guess but it was so deep yeah puncture my mother always said punctures are the worst oh she's right she's right she would know. Because she's right because I, you know, yesterday I realized there's still some wood in there. So I got some out, some more out. But you can see, it looks better today. Oh, up top. Yeah, here. Oh, yeah. That's legit. That's a puncture. My mother would agree that's the worst. I hate the way it looks. And then you're liable to get an infection with a puncture. I know. So I put

neosporin and stuff on it. But I didn't do a great. But I didn't do a great. job getting. I didn't know what happened. I didn't know if I, like, punctured with the scissors or I punctured with the wood or both or something. I still don't know. Let me ask you, did your grandfather, would he just start bleeding out of his hands all the time? Did you notice that? No, he wasn't like, what do they call those demons? No, no. Stigmata. Stigmata? Yeah, no, not that. Rob, did your grandpa's hands bleed a lot? I mean, I guess a little bit. What are you talking about?

I'll tell you what I'm talking about. When you're a man and you get old, your skin gets thin. Oh, you mean dry? And no, and you just, like, you bump nothing. Like, my Papa Bob was always driving with a paper towel wrapped around his hand because he had like scuffed it on nothing and then it's just gushing blood. That's how my dad is now. Your dad's currently that way.

Yeah. Well, Aaron and I have been, we've both been noticing that we're, heading in that direction where it's just like I always have six or seven cuts on my hands and it's not like I'm not a machinist I'm not welding are you using lotion I think part of it is dry because then it cracks it's not dry is not the issue

oh I can't wait for a dermatologist to weigh in oh well yeah and I encourage them to I invite them to but when Aaron and I were theorizing also I have a tremendous blister from riding motorcycles stop trying to see my thunder I'm sorry I and the one with the finger issue okay okay Okay, go on.

Well, no, I can just leave it. No, I want to hear about that. I just want to hear about the blister. Okay, well, the blister is what's hurting right now currently, which reminded me. Okay. Anyways. I guess it's okay that you talk about the blister because as we learned it's not as bad as a puncture. No, punctures are the worst.

Okay, because it's your mom. But we were theorizing, like, let's say that all this medical technology is heading where we think it's heading. And that we're going to live to 165, right, peptides and stuff. Yeah. How thin is the skin going to be? Like, sure, your organs might be good and you might be living, but we were just imagining us at 120, just kind of be like a sieve of leaky blood everywhere.

Ew. Just because you're, what if they figure everything out except for that your skin's getting thinner? And that you're just, you can jog and climb a hit mountain, but you're going to bleed a lot. You're going to be wrapped in a lot of gauze. Wow. Yeah, so that's like, people aren't predicting that outcome.

but I'm theorizing that could be where we're headed. I feel like they already have, you know, skin-firming serums and moisturizers and things. Women have been dealing with thin skin for a long time on their neck and yes, your hands and your face and fine lines. So I feel... But is there a skin thickener, a pack of dermer? I mean, like, they'll sell you on that.

We need to splice in just a little. bit of elephant DNA because they're a pachyderm. Sure. We'll see pachydermis. And a hippopotamus. And a hippopotamus and a rhinoceros. Yes. Pacaderms.

Yeah. We just need a little bit of their DNA. An infusion of their DNA when you hit 130. And that'll really thicken up the skin. I mean, as long as it doesn't hurt them, I think it's fine. I mean. Well, they're dumping DNA all over the spot, right? They're just walking and shedding off.

Just gather that. Yeah. Gather that. Because, I mean, we're already doing salmon sperm facials and stuff. So it feels like this is soon. This, yeah, is around the corner. But it's just, you know, elephants have such good memories that I don't want, what if it has like a reverse, what if it has a side effect that like not our memories are even better?

Yeah, but in a bad way. Like you only remember the bad stuff. Isn't that already what you only are? Exactly. So I feel like I don't want more. Actually, that's not sure. I remember the good stuff. I do too.

But I was having a moment, I think because we were riding in North Carolina. And the whole reason I even know about Asheville. Yeah. Is because I had a stepdad whose parents had retired there. And we went there for a few days on our way to somewhere else. And I fell in love with it. I went to the Piggy's ice cream place, all you can eat. You know, I have the shirt.

And I just fell in love and went to Biltmore, set off the alarms. But it's all stemming. from looking glass false lightning rock it's all from that trip so of course while i'm writing through there i'm thinking how ironic that i really have him to thank for my my love for and then i was like because i'm currently writing about him uh i was also thinking like how completely unfair your memory is my memory at least is to people who i don't like okay because all i've held on to is like the 40 things the 40 events that made me come to that decision that I don't like that person.

And even if I added up the length of all 40 of those events, I don't know what would we be talking about three days or four days out of several years with this person who for sure the majority of time was innocuous at worst, just like present but nothing's wrong. And then probably more often they were really nice and to me,

and maybe even funny. Do you remember that? I don't. So, are you sure it's real, though? Well, it has to be, right? No. I don't think so. You don't think so?

I mean, I don't know which one you're talking about. Yeah. But. Well, you kind of do because. The controlling one. Well, just I can't, I don't want to get sued, but the dead ones I can talk. Yeah.

Well, one of the dead ones is wonderful. Yeah. Yeah. Three of my... four dads or dad. Oh, I hated that sentence. I have a lot of dads myself, as you know. Yeah.

They're all alive. Yeah, yeah. Let's just put this. Like, no one's one note. No one's good or, they're not bad. He's not evil or good. There were all these things that made me go, I don't like this person.

Yeah. They tell you the side note to that. As I've written about him and I read it, it back because I read this section to my kids and then my mom. I mean, it's a description of me. It's insane what a description. I'd have to be completely. Now you're like, he was so funny. No, no, no, no. It's not any self-preservation. In fact, I'm just owning the fact that like, I'm reading this and it's like, yeah, oh my, that's me too. I mean, this could easily be a description of me, which is really interesting to synthesize. That is interesting. Now, when you

you do that when you have that realization, which I think that's a great realization and good self-awareness, do you think like, oh, fuck? Like, I then need to try not to do that because that was pretty, that was pretty unbearable. Well, I've already had that reaction. And I've even shared about it on here. Years ago, I've gone like, I got to shut up about the sink. It's like living with so-and-so. Like, I've already had that awareness. Right. But when I just go through the actual, like, the description of like he was so type A,

he was so routine. He was like ran marathons, psychotically fitness, raced motorcycles, drove too aggressively, got into aggressively, got infancy of people everywhere he went. It's really funny. And then, of course, in my mind, there's some difference because I think my spirit is kinder and more loving. Right. But just on paper.

Again, and that's what helped me look at like, well, I've listed some qualities about him. And then you could list those about me. But also, my kids might choose to list that I'm really patient and generous or whatever, you know, a whole other suite of behaviors. Yeah. Don't you think also, though, I've been thinking about this a lot. Like, people, I think especially actually, people like him. I mean, I don't, I never met him. Yeah.

I probably won't. You wouldn't like them. Right. I have a sense I was... He wasn't playful and fun. He was rigid. And mean. Like, being mean, like, I think it's nice of what you're doing. You're trying to lend some generosity and compassion and understanding. And like, yes, no one is one thing. And acknowledging the subjectivity of my memory. Yeah. Which is, like, I've held under the things that reinforce this opinion I have of this person. And I've really let go. I'm sure he bought me ice cream a million times that I don't remember one time. No, but like buying ice cream doesn't make up for horrible stuff. I guess that's sort of, it's like, okay, yeah, there are good moments, great. But like, because obviously your mom wouldn't have married him if it was all bad moments.

That's how all of this happens, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, but it doesn't justify beating her up or being so controlling. Everyone's walking on eggshells and wants to die. Yes. Like, you know? And I guess my other layer of compassion in writing about him. is like, he suffered the most from this personality type.

Again, how mad can I be at someone when they're, like, he was paying the price of this intensity. Yeah, you don't have to, you don't have to hold anger. Yeah. But you can still have understanding that like it was good. You guys weren't around that for much longer because like that was not a tenable environment. Yeah. And it does suck for him. It sucks that he has to live in that brain.

Like that's really, really hard. Yeah, that's the thing. I guess if he was, like, if he was love and life and we were the victims of that, I think I'd have one opinion of it. Yeah. But I think I'm old enough now to go like, he's a pretty unhappy person that couldn't figure out how to be in jive with the world around him. Yeah. And then he paid the price and we paid the price. Yeah, exactly.

Everyone gets hurt. Yeah, and that's kind of like humanness. Yeah, it is. Stay tuned for more armchair expert. If you dare. Speaking of this, a great transition. Oh, great. Without, I hope it's not a spoiler.

So, Beth's Dead's coming out October 30th. Yes, how is there a billboard out? Yeah, New York. Patreon put up a billboard. Oh, Patreon did that? Yeah. I'm like, did Monica buy a billboard? No, I didn't.

Patreon did. It was so cool. Oh, very. Okay, so a week from today, which I guess will be the 27th, October 27th, Elizabeth, Andy and I are going to do a live stream on Patreon. Nope, I'm sorry, on the 26th, Sunday. Better get the date right. Sunday? If it's a live stream.

Sunday. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday. We'll sell you the whole seat. You'll only need the edge. Exactly. Sunday, the 26th at 3 p.m. PST. That's 6 p.m. East Coast, 5 p.m. Nashville. Yeah. And that...

4 p.m. Mountain. Ew. Yeah. If you're in Mountain, don't listen. I'm just kidding. Come. Please come. Please come to live stream. But listen to it at 3 p.m. Pacific. Not 4 p.m. Mountain. Just get the day. It will put some stuff up. You can find it. But on our Patreon, Betstead Patreon, we're going to do a live stream so you can chat with us, ask us questions. And I've never done a live stream, so I'm excited about it. I haven't either. I think we're contractually obligated to do it. Oh, then I'll practice for us. We learn how to do it so we can fulfill that. Anyway, so I'm really excited. And then that is leading up to the launch on the 30th, which is very

exciting. And that's a complicated story as well. That's what just reminded me of it. I'm so excited for you guys. I hope everyone listens. Anyway, so come to the live stream, check it out. That's that. Give it a checkout. Give it a checkout. Okay, I have updates from my, well, why don't you Tell me what happened while I was on this trip. Okay. Because I was gone for six days. Oh, you saw a great movie that I've seen two? I did.

I saw one battle after another. That is the hardest title for me to remember. As hard as pneumococcal pneumonia? Not because I can't remember that one. Okay. Okay. One battle after another. Yeah.

So, so good. I loved it so much. I saw it at the vista as it was intended to be. seen, VistaVision. And... Do we think that's a real thing? Yes. I know it says VistaVision.

Yes. But do you think they just invented that name because it's the Vista Theater or that's a thing? No, it's called the Vista Theater because of Vista Vision. Are you sure? Yes. Oh, wow. They installed a special screen for it there and everything. It's the way it's filmed.

It's a specific... Well, I know it was filmed in a larger format. And I saw it at IMAX for that reason. And I do think they have a 70-millimeter projector there at Vista. I'm just wondering if VistaVision was proprietary before that fear. And I don't want to offend anyone. I'm just curious. VistaVision refers to a high-resolution widescreen film format developed by Paramount Pictures in 1954.

Oh, wow. It works by running 35-millimeter film horizontally through the camera, which uses a larger negative area to capture a higher-quality image with less grain than traditional vertical 35 millimeter film. While its use in full length features has declined since the 1960s, the format is still occasionally used for visual effects and has seen recent high profile feature film applications. There's only four or five Vista theaters in the world. Really?

And we have one right down the street. I love that theater. The seats are so comfortable and the spacing so, that's what I like is you get a couple feet in front of your feet. Yes, you can stretch your whole legs out. Okay, so I saw with Jess. Now, there was a hiccup. So we, there was a, it's sold out. Like, you can, those Vista ones are sold out, but there was availability at the 2 p.m. Great timing, actually, because then you have time for dinner. Yeah. So, um, we're driving up and I had plans to get coffee from Pam's coffee, the coffee shop that's next to it. That's also owned by Quentin, that's after.

Pam coffee, Pam Greer. And this is notoriously the coffee shop that I thought was owned by a black woman. And I was a black owned business. And I thought I was supporting, but really I wasn't. All right. Anywho, so. It's a white-owned business, as it turns out. It's a white male business.

So anyway, I was like planning on getting a coffee and we're driving up the line. so at the vista there's no you don't buy your seat you just buy tickets okay so the line is wrapped around three blah like it is so fucking long and I was like what is that for and then he was like it better not be for the movie and I was like it can't be it won't fit all these people this is insane and he was like oh no if it is like we can't go right I was like yeah I No, like, I don't think we can stand in this line.

I don't sit in the front row. Exactly. So then he was like, we can't sit in the front row. And I was like, yeah, okay. Well, here's our plan. We'll go into Pam's coffee. We'll kill time. Well, that line dies down.

Yeah, the whole line will go in and then we'll see. Like, if there's only seats in the very front, we won't watch it. We'll go to Bukitini, the store down the street that I'm really excited about that I love. And I'm sure it works there. and I was getting kind of excited about going to Bucatini. You were now, like, actually more excited to go shopping. I moved on. I moved on and I was like, ooh, Bucatini.

Like, I'm going to buy this cute little dish there and maybe some pasta. And then we get the coffee and we do have to end up getting in line. It's moving at this point, but we do get in line. And Chess keeps asking, he asks like eight people, have you guys been here? Do you think we'll all fit? He's like so, he's very worried. Yeah. And he's getting verbal about it.

Yeah. Yeah. This poor guy behind us was seeing White Lady or some other movie. Oh, there's a second cinema there? Yeah, there's two screens. Oh. He said, oh, I'm actually seeing White Lady or whatever. And I said, said no one. So anyway, we get in and it's packed.

There's like some random one seats, but it's hard. And so we do, we go to the front. and there are some seats like four rows back. And we were like, all right, let's try it. And we'll leave if this is bad. Shout out to an arm cherry Chris who sat next to us. He introduced himself and he was so lovely and sweet and loves the show. And it was really nice.

Was he single? No, but that's funny because Jess was like, he's cute. This is one of those times. You got to like, and I was like, no. Oh, I don't know. And then Jess started talking to him. Sure, sure. And then they went on a date?

No. And then he was like, we just moved here. And he was like, we, who's we? He didn't, he was winging very well. Yeah, well, he's very good at this kind of thing. And he was like, my wife and I. Open, open relationship or clothes? No, we didn't get that far.

Anyway, so, so then the movie starts. And we're in immediately. We're not leaving. We love it. Yeah, yeah. It's such a... Thrill ride. It doesn't take its foot off the gas the whole three hours.

I know. In the woman. Which one? I mean... At the beginning, his... Tiana Taylor. Tiana. She's amazing.

What a monster. I know. And then they're like kissing and licking each other. She's so horny. Every time she gets in the car, she's trying to fuck at all the crime scenes and stuff. She wants to fuck everywhere. She's so hot and he's so hot. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. It's incredible. It's incredible. The acting's unbelievable. Leo's impossibly good. He's just the greatest actor. Sean Penn is absolutely unhamed. I mean, what a fucking performance.

It's incredible. The only thing I can think of that, like, is on the same level is Dinoffrio in men in black as the monster who has a monster inside of his body. Right. I mean, the physicality in the, I mean, that walk here. I know. I know. It's so bizarre. It's, it's really. It's so good. And then I was just crying at the end, uncontrollably. Yeah. That's interesting to me because I'm, I am a big sucker for father, daughter, as a daughter, as we talked about, I have many dads. Yeah. And. It's the daughter of many.

Yeah. And I, I'm a sucker for that. I mean, interstellar. Oh, my God. What a, oh my God. I did expect to be slightly more moved by that storyline. But I think it's because there's just so much going on and it's funny and it's, but it's like. Hactic. It's hectic and you're on pins and needles. But, I mean, it's still got me, but I was expecting a little bit more from that. Also, like, it's just so. annoying that he still looks like that.

He still looks so good, and that made me annoyed. You were annoyed by that. And, and horny. In horny. I was both. So I think what you're describing is agitated. I was agitated. You were agitated in your groin.

I mean, I did spend like four or five minutes after the movie thinking about if it really would be a possibility to get some of his sperm to impregnate my egg. Oh, okay. Because they have, so the baby in the movie is so cute. Oh, my God. And it's a mix baby, not Indian. Actually, there's a hilarious line about Mick. So a lot of the movie is, is like calling out slash parodying these like very extreme white supremacy groups.

Yeah, yeah. And there's some, it's like it's wild and there's some hysterical lines in there. Yeah. Yeah. And I just thought he nailed it. And I also was like, oh, yeah, he can do this. He is married to a black woman and has mixed-race children. Like, he understands this.

That's also, I was like, I can't believe he's married to Maya. And they just, like, are out in the world. Like, he seems so, he seems like such an enigma, like Quentin, that it's like, you went to Olas with him. Is that what it's called? Olga's. Olga's. Where he thought he was dead. Yeah.

You went to Olga's with him. a Greek restaurant in in Michigan. No, no, in Austin. Oh, in Thousand Oaks. Yeah. Weirder than actual either of those states for us to be. Yeah. And that's just like so weird to me that he's a real person.

Yeah, he's a normal dude. Yeah, that's so cool. Yeah. It made me feel very grateful for creative brains. Sure. Yeah, that's such a unique, singular kind of take on all this. Yeah. It was great.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was great. Do you think Maya ever just, like, looks at him and, like, he farts in the bed, and she's like, how are you him? No. I bet she's not, I bet she doesn't feel about his art. The way you do. Really? Yeah.

I bet she thinks he's good, but I don't think, like, you're, you've infused a little bit of magic. Yeah. Yeah. Like the world has. I mean, the world puts him in this, like, you know, legendary. That's just hot. That'd be so interesting for me. I'll try it.

If Leonardo, you know, it's a similar situation if I date him and he gives me a sperm. Uh-huh, that you'll be enamored. And he farts in the bed. Yes, I don't. Yeah, I don't think people can be in relationships if they're enamored with one. Oh, I agree. I think they can respect each other, but I don't think they can be enamored. So, no, I doubt she's ever in bed thinking like, God, he's so good at filmmaking.

I bet she never. forever thinks that. Well, no, I guess I mean more like, like, I agree with you. And actually, I think I'm someone who, like, from afar is enamored and then 40 seconds into meeting someone, it is gone. Because, by the way, who gives a fuck if someone's good at their job? Well, I do. There's a respect there.

Their job has nothing to do with your life, is what I'm saying. Like, if they're great at their job, that's away from the house. It's not with your kids or you. And then you suck when you get home. well yeah no like no one cares about the work because you're not even involved well no one's preferring it but by the way i'm not saying paul sucks at any of those positions but it's just like you don't care if someone's good at their job what you care about is if are they a good partner in your household with your family yeah but you still like you you you respect when someone

is good at something and you do you talk about Kristen constantly being like the one of the best actresses, which she is. Yeah. And you can see that and respect it and be proud of it. That doesn't mean... This is a direct one-to-one. So I'm never in bed ever, ever, ever thinking, God, she's such a great actor. Ever.

When you're watching her acting... If I see her in a show, I think, God, she's so fucking great. Yeah. And then additionally, I'm happy for her, right? I'm like, I'm so happy for her. I'm sure Maya is so happy Paul got the thing in his brain onto the screen so successfully. Yeah. Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

But I guarantee she just never ever thinks in bed. I'm so glad he's good at his job. No. Because you just don't care about that. I know what you mean. But like when you're watching Kristen together, if you guys are watching good boys, like I've been there. And, and run. We just did.

We watched hit and run. Yeah. So you're like, I do this. When I'm watching Kron's hip, I'm just like, God, she's so good. Yeah, yeah, me too. And yes, when I am around her as a person, she's my friend, she's a person. You're never thinking about how good she is as a matter. I don't, I don't.

But, I mean, actually, I guess maybe, maybe sometimes even if I'm watching her, she's doing something incredible. And I'm like, gosh, she's so good. I do think sometimes I'm like, it's crazy. that's the person I know. Like, it's definitely, it's like, they're separate. They're kind of, and I can see it. So I guess what I'm saying is I wonder if she's watching, she's at the premiere.

She's watching this movie. And she's like, holy, my husband made this. Like, this person, yeah, this person I know. This person I procreated with, like made this. Yes, for sure when she's watching the movie. Again, the guy farts in the bed, I assume. He does. He's a human and all humans fart in your bed. You even told me you fart in your bed. No, like run time. I already know that you. Okay. I got one time.

But, but again, let's say your, let's say your husband is the greatest accountant in the world. Yeah. You're never laying in bed being like, oh man, he's so good at work. Because again, you're not, that's something he does completely separate from you and your family. So him being good at that job has no impact on you other than financially. Yeah, it does. But if he comes home and he didn't take the trash out and then he leaves his dishes on the thing, how good of an accountant he is has no one gives a fuck. Yeah, I don't know. I hear what you mean and I think you're right,

but I still think there's a respect that happens when someone is good at what they do. And my parents have it for each other. I see it. And they talk about it. Well, right, they respect each other. admire each other, but the things that are annoying your mom about your dad, she never goes, but he's a great engineer. Oh, no, I know that. But the problem is, is a lot of actors and directors and writers act like in their house, they should be being revered as an attour.

Right. That's bad. And they find people who are fans and allow them to act completely lazy in all departments because they're a genius in this one domain. Yeah, that's why I don't want to date an armchair. And it's bad. And it's bad. No, it's bad, yeah. It's bad for a partner to care that the person's good at the job, and it's bad for the person who's good at the job to think that being good at the job has anything to do with your real life and in your interpersonal relationships. I think you're meshing it a little bit.

Okay. I think it's, I don't think it's bad to be like my husband or my wife is impressive. So, so talented. And so talented and not in, and just a hard, good. They're good at that. Yeah. And I'm impressed by it. That's one thing.

That doesn't mean that you're just in full, like, oh, my God, I just, I can't believe how amazing he is. And I just want to, like, I'll do anything to keep him. But most specifically, it doesn't get you out of a single thing. It shouldn't get you out of anything, no. I think people fall in love with rock stars because they see them on stage. And on stage, they're absolutely magnetic. Yes.

And once in a lifetime. and then they get out to dinner with them and they're just they're a normal people yeah no I am so I mean I could not be in more agree you're actually saying the thing I say constantly which is like no one should be like afraid of anyone's status uh-huh like everyone should or tail it or but those are often combined oh yeah and so like for me no that's one thing they do but you're in a group of people you're a person, you're a regular person, everyone's the same. And this reverence is dangerous. Yeah.

If Kristen slaps one of our daughters on the same day she wins an Emmy. Well, she deserves that because she has full of emotion. Like, it's a lot. I just would, yeah, I just, I wouldn't give a shit about, yeah. Anyway. Anyhow, want to do some facts. Now, I want to begin by saying that we had a bunch of alcohol on the table during this interview. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People might be confused by that. Yeah, where did it all go?

Rob made me take it. Oh, okay, great. And that is because you thought she would be nervous and that it might be fun to have some libation. Is that what it's called? Yeah, libation. Yeah, okay. Livations. Yeah. To like, you know, loosen her up. But when she arrived, we, you offered it to her, and she was like, what is going on here? I didn't, I don't even think I got to offer it. She's like, what is, who's going to drink it? Like, she made it really clear that that was sounding crazy. So I was like, oh, yeah. Yeah, we think it's crazy to.

This is locked over from a party we had last night in the studio. In the Claudio. So no one partook, just FYI. But it was a nice arrangement. I don't mind it as like a table piece. Yeah, it's like they need to pay us for that. Oh, okay. What if we took the labels off?

I just like the idea of some cocktails and lime sitting out for guests. Like, if I was doing it, willing to offer it to her. Yeah. This is where it's not fair. I should offer to everybody. Well, we have a lot of sober people in here. Offer it to them.

It's a test. Anyway, that was that. That was booze. Oh, by the way, someone got it. Like, I had said vodka and limes and a lot of limes, because I had asked our mutual friend, Amanda, what's her cocktail? Yes. It was vodka with a lot of limes. Yes, this was on a previous fact check where you.

It was on a fact check. And someone wrote in the comments, vodka limes is Jennifer Aniston. And I was like, you people are, they know everything about her. Wow. Wow. Wow. Yeah. That's cool.

It's not like they pitched anyone else. Surely other people drink vodka and lines. I didn't see another name in the comments. But it was like, bingo, it's Aniston. Wow. Yeah. Good job that person. I didn't know.

So I feel dumb. I'm shocked. You didn't know. What is Taylor? She likes wine. Taylor likes wine. People know that. She likes sourdough bread. And she likes sourdough bread. I put a hot loaf of sourdough bread in front of her. Well, some people did that while she was on this tour selling that. Yeah, someone gave her sourdough.

Is she liking or not like it? He liked it. Okay, so it kind of, but it's already been done. It's already been done. I will get her. What about sourdough saturated and wine? That sounds gross. Sounds good to me. It does. You know with a fork and knife. It's like jello shots. It's also, it's very biblical.

You eat the bread. The bread and the body and blood of Christ. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Jennifer Anderson. Okay, Babar. Oh, yeah. I learned all about Babar and also I was right. He is a king.

The book is based on a tale. Elephant character named Babar, who first appeared in 1931 in the French children's book, History of Babar. Okay, it's in French. It's not the most appealing title for a kid's book. It's Histore or whatever. De La Barbar. Yes, exactly.

Exactly. The book is based on a tale that Brunhoff's wife, Cecile, had invented for their children. It tells a story of a young African elephant named Babar, whose mother is killed by a big game hunter. I know. It's sad. Babar, the elephant escapes and in the process leaves the jungle in exile. This is Lion King. I know. Visits a big city and returns to bring the benefits of civilization to his fellow elephants. Just as he returns to his community of elephants, their king tragically dies from eating a poison. mushroom because of his travels in civilization but bar is chosen king of the elephant kingdom uh-oh

he marries his cousin celeste and they subsequently have children and teach them valuable lessons oh that's lovely um it doesn't remind me of my favorite book of that nature which is lefado the lion by shell silverstein have you ever speaking of um giving tree shell silverstein right uh Lefado the lion, no. No. There are some hunters out on the, he's a lion. Yeah. And somehow they scare off these hunters and they leave one of their rifles behind.

Okay. And Lefado starts learning to shoot the rifle. And he's like incredible at it. And he spins it on his tail. Aw. Lafado. Lefado, the lion. Lefcadio, the lion.

We always in my house said Lefkado. Oh. But, yeah, that's unfortunate. Anyways. So it becomes a real. what do they call it, a crack shot. Oh. And then he gets famous.

And then someone sees him. Then they bring him to the big city. And then he gets rich. It's kind of like Sid Arthur. Wow. He goes to the big city. He loves marshmallows. That's his favorite thing he's discovered of the human world is marshmallows.

He's eating way too many marshmallows. Because he's rich and he just gets to happen. Yes, he wears furs now. And he like spins a thing, but he's lazy about it. And he barely cares when he's putting on his show. And then he's got to return home eventually. It is, it's Sid Arthur. I don't know if Shell purposely.

This is your whole story. You're La Cateo. You think so? Lefcadio. Lefcadio. The lion who shot back. Look at least he's taking a little dumpy there. Yeah, that is you.

He's got a catheter in. He might have his catheter in. Shell Silverstein is full of like tales. And he's got a perverted book. I used to love it. There's this huge, tall book that was in our thing. And I remember removing it. I was like I was being naughty when I would look through that one.

We forgot to ask her about 11-11. That was a huge mistake. Yeah, we fuck up. I know. I'm upset about that. I didn't even see on her wrist if that was there. Exactly. I didn't either.

I wonder if that was like a temp for a movie. Maybe. We don't, we'll never know until she comes back. We could know, but I don't want to. No, we have to wait until she comes back. I'll send her another letter. Okay. I wonder if it will work the second time.

Okay. Um, shares doll house. Share the pop star or? That's what, yeah, I think. I'm also kind of confused by this. So you, you fill your little shared dressing with many little pink hangers of many little shared doll fits.

Um, they were designed either from Bob Mackey. Or maybe like in her sunny and share days, she had a line of toys or something. Yeah, I think so. Also, ding, ding, ding. Bob Mackey designed a lot of the outfits that. that Taylor is wearing in life of a showgirl.

Oh, my goodness. I know. I know. Wow, wow. Alan Parker did direct fame. She was right about that. Bruce Almighty. His name is Bruce.

Yeah, thank God. The big mystery. Jim Carrey's name was Bruce. That shouldn't have been so hard for us to accept immediately. I know. He just doesn't look like a Bruce, but look, we don't always match our names. No. Although very few people don't.

Well, I'll tell you one that's not, they have the right name, but someone was using a iteration of it. Uh-huh. That was insane to me. Okay. I was talking to somebody who knew. Well, Cotty. Oh, God.

Sorry, I thought what you were doing. Rascally with the monitor. Yeah, I was running. I was talking to someone yesterday who knows Eric. Uh-huh. Our good friend, Eric. Yes. And he was like, yeah.

E's crazy. And I was like, oh, no, that's not. That doesn't sound right. For Eric, that doesn't work at all. You can't. He's not like a B-boy where you can be like, oh, fucking E. Do you see E? Well, maybe to that guy he was.

He used to do a lot of drugs. No, but he's never had a B-boy vibe. He's never. What's a B-boy? Basketball boy? Like a boy who's into hip-hop and he's got the hat. Oh. Oh.

Like fucking entourage. All those guys. Mark Wahlberg's whole world. His name was E. on there you go there it is oh yeah but for eric i was like no we can't we can't assign him e that's right yeah gosh this is a good question though like i can't think of anyone we know that has really the wrong name i guess you're right i'll i'll report back i'm going to think on this yeah the problem is we knew jim care before we knew the word bruce now if he'd always been bruce carey

If we had met him as Bruce Carey, it might have been fine. Bruce Carey. Sounds good. Bruce Carey. Yeah. What were we watching last night? Oh, we were watching Jim Bond. Oh, yeah.

I introduced the kids to 007 and they like it, which I'm so excited because there's 35 007s. Great. Six different actors that play him. Yeah. But I kept calling him Jim Bond the whole time, which sounds insane, right? Right. Jim Bond.

Jim Bond. Huh. Because now even, like, Tom Cruz, like Tom, Thomas, Thomas is like. Thomas Cruz sounds crazy. Yeah. But people, yeah. We kept going, me and the girls were like, who wins in a fight between Jim Bond, specifically Daniel Craig, because he's such a beast.

Yeah. So he's got the body on Ethan Hunt, Mission Impossible. But the girls decided Ethan had more moves. And I think I agree. I think in a battle to the death between Jim Bonn, Bond and Ethan Hunt, that Ethan wins that fight. Okay. But Jim looks way better doing it.

Okay. If people call him Dan, that doesn't work. Dan Craig. I don't like that. Now we're getting close to. Danny. Jenny Craig. Ben is the discount food or not discount.

I don't think it's discounted calories. Okay. Oh, some of the things the morning show predicted. or like was kind of like right ahead of. Yeah, billionaire space race. Me too. It wasn't really before. They didn't predict it, but.

It came after Matt Lauer. The whole thing is like people thought was about Matt Lauer. Right. So predicts that we're fast and loose with predictive. Well, no, the first season of the show which premiered in 2019, focus on the immediate fallout after co-anchor Mitch Kessler was fired for sexual misconduct, but wasn't Me Too 2020? Or was it

not? Was it not? It was earlier? Okay. And Matt Lauer was probably 18? Maybe, okay. But they filmed this in 2013, so it predicted. Oh, and they delayed it for six years? Yeah. Oh. Well, here was

Matt Lauer, uh, Rascal? 2017. Oh. 17. Okay. So they predicted it had happened two years before. Okay, COVID. Okay. And some other stuff.

Oh, war in Ukraine and catastrophic floods in Eastern Australia. And we're sure that again that those. Yeah. Okay. Those happened before. Yeah, those happened. They wrote it before. Okay.

Sorry, I'm going to spray malfunction. Yeah, it's on your lip. You have spray on your lip. All right. Well, that's it for one of the loves of my life. All right. Love you. Love you. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early.

and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.