Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Jimmy Kimmel & Molly McNearney

Episode Date: August 24, 2026

Jimmy Kimmel is an Emmy-winning host, comedian, and producer. Molly McNearney is an Emmy-winning writer, producer, and actor. Jimmy and Molly join Armchair Expert to discuss how working together strengthened their marriage, why ten quiet minutes in bed can constitute a date, and raising children who know the president as their family’s antagonist. Jimmy, Molly, and Dax talk about rescuing unprepared talk-show guests, getting fired from radio with less than $20 in the bank, and attempting to evade paparazzi after the show’s suspension. Jimmy and Molly explain why deliberate distortion is worse than disagreement, how to teach privilege without shame, and the importance of building traditions around collective joy.Check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds: https://www.allstate.com/Take printer ink off your back to school list with HP Smart Tank | https://hp.com/SmartTank See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert. I'm Dax Shepherd. I'm joined by Lily Badman. It's me. We have two returning guests, but never together, good friends of ours, Jimmy Kimmel and Molly McNerney. So fun. Yeah. I just love them.

So glad that they came together. That was a fun, different type of interview. And it was in the evening. It was a very appropriate for a late night show family. Exactly. BTS, we started around 6.45 p.m. Yeah. Just so you know the exact time in case anyone needs it as an alibi.

Molly, of course, is the head writer and executive producer at Jimmy Kimmel Live. And Jimmy Kimmel is the host of Jimmy Kimmel Live. Please enjoy Jimmy and Molly. We are supported by Airbnb. So I'm planning this end of summer trip to Toronto with a few friends, and I can't wait. Canada in the summer is just unbelievable. And Toronto's got that energy where every neighborhood has its own thing going on. I already found a home on Airbnb in Queen West, somewhere we can settle in and make some great memories.

The best part is everyone's got their own room, their own space to decompress, but we can link up in the living room at the end of the night. For that kind of trip, a hotel just doesn't give you the space you need. I can't wait to settle in and find my local coffee shop, maybe my local restaurant, and really just pretend I live there. That is the joy of Airbnb. And I'm going to lean on the host for those local recommendations, the little spots you end up telling everyone about when you get home. That's what I love about Airbnb. You get to experience the neighborhood, not just the home. It starts to feel less like visiting and more like living there.

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purchase of a website or domain. Oh, look at this. You have a duplicate award. That's right. That's right. We're going to ask you guys to award the next best boy. Oh, nice. How are you? Do you have fun with Sally? I did. I love her. She's the best. When I did that Argent photo shoot, Monica did it also. Oh, yeah. He's amazing.

We love her. But wait, I like who she's curating. So you guys are her models. And you guys are very much the behind-the-scenes ass kickers. That's what she does. Yeah, it's kind of like unsung women. Totally. Yeah, she elevates. Her brand for like working women and she really likes to highlight women who are badass.

Do you invest in this liquid death? I wish. I've been trading stocks on my Charles Schwab account for about a year and five months where I actually focus on it. And I'm like so proud of myself. This measly amount of money I've made. Molly, have you been consuming anything and gone to Jimmy and been like, we need to get involved with this? No. Have I?

I don't think I haven't. No, she doesn't, I don't allow her to eat. Okay. Sure. Yeah. That's bad. I have to keep myself trim. For longevity.

Yeah. Yeah. I do remember like explaining like dry bar to you once. You're like, oh, that's a good concept. But we didn't invest in it. You remember my reaction was I wanted to learn how to blow dry hair so we could save the trip. I do remember. I feel like I could figure this out.

It's not a super precise device. You're blowing a huge swat the wind at hair. It's a big franchise. They're teaching these people their way. If they just teach me the way, how hard could it be? That's how I look at everything. How hard could it be? He does do that sometimes before award shows he offers to do my hair and makeup.

And you never say yes. He did convince his cousin, Sal, once that he gave haircuts. I did, yeah. Well, Dax gives haircuts. He gave me a haircut on this podcast once. And? She hates to admit it, but it was a good trim. It was a B-plus.

It was really good. Wow. I thought it was an A. I'm just learning it was a B-C-3. A B plus is an A plus, by the way. Exactly. Exactly. That should have been an F minus.

It was good. He's good. How many heads of hair have he cut? Hundreds and hundreds. Really? To bore you, I detasseled corn between seventh and eighth grade all summer. And I think I made like $800. Right.

And I spent the money on a Nintendo, Mike Tyson's punchout, and then wall clippers and scissors. And I came back from this summer of detasseling corn. And before school, I was like, who wants a mohawk? and I cut like six or seven kids' hair before the pitchers, and it was a big dust up at Muir Junior High. My mom got called. Parents were super upset,

but it didn't thwart me. I kept cutting hair. And by the time I was in high school, I was pretty good. Like I could do fades. And anytime I got my hair cut out, I was really paying attention. Like, what are they doing?

Oh, they're cutting like this. Okay, cool. Oh, they're grabbing in these sections. And no YouTube. There's none of that. You didn't have a guide or anything? You had 25 minutes at, you know, Sam's to study the barber.

Every three months. You know, some skills. But what's funny is so all through my 20s, I caught most of my friends that I hung out with hair because I did a pretty good job and everyone was broke. And I used to do it for like a six pack or a pizza or whatever. So now my thing is I don't really need anything. I love to cut people's hair, but only one time because I want to impress them. And then I never want to deal with it again.

So like Kristen's mother was visiting like three years ago and I'm staring at her hair all weekend and starting to drive me crazy. It's like a classic Michigan cut. I'm like, you need some layers. You need some things going on. And she, crazy enough, let me cut her hair. And then she came back on the next visit. And she's like, I've never gotten more compliments from a hairdo.

And I'm like, oh, that's so great. She goes, I mean, honestly, like, maybe 20 people told me. And I was like, oh, my God, that's incredible. And she was very much staring at me like, can I trim? Yeah. And I'm like, I just got the thing I really wanted, which was to blow your mind. It's so selfish. this. And you wouldn't do it again? Like I would cut your hair. For sure, one time. Wow. And then once you

were impressed, there's nothing in it for me. Can't get it again. That's why you got to say B plus. I shouldn't be shocked because I will say when I first met you, I looked at you and said, this looks like a guy who cuts his own hair. And I was cutting my own hair. And I haven't had my hair cut by a professional on seven years since I was on a show last. You're still doing it to yourself? Yeah, yeah. How do you get the back? So in the back, I generally use a five clipper attachment and that one just lives at that level. There's no layering going on yet because it's problematic. But now that I'm growing my hair out, the back is getting really challenging because I am having to cut it with scissors. Wow. That was way too much about me. Do either of you have a superhismant talent that you like to do one time? I am completely blown away by this fact. I have to say, you know, it's weird when you know somebody and then

you find something out about them. Like Chris Bianco, our friend who's a pizza chef, I've never heard the guy sing two notes in a row and we We did karaoke at the lodge last year. He's got a really good voice and belted it out. It was really exciting. And we were going crazy. Yeah, yeah. What is this? It's so exciting.

But if we're talking out of school, the performance that Jimmy Fallon put on in the full Elvis outfit was about as. Yeah. For a private show that you're not getting paid at that. First of all, he was dressed as evil caneeval. Oh, I was saying. You should know that. Well, look, fine line between the jumps suit.

Yeah, yeah. Two white jumpsuits. The best part of that story was that, you know, Jimmy and I fished together that day. And he had no fishing clothes. He had nothing to wear on the water at a fishing lodge. And so I said, all right, well, we got to go to the shop and get you some clothes. And, like, you know, it took like 45 minutes. We got them the clothes where you get them all decked out.

And then he comes into the bar, fully dressed as evil caneval, to sing. And I said, you brought this and nothing to fish it. That was a huge outfit. Took up probably the majority of his suitcase. He said it was the whole bag. He's incredible. The performance was so good that I think we all mid-performance started getting very concerned he was going to have a heart attack or something medical, right?

That's no surprise, though. We know that he's a very talented singer and performer. Now, if you've seen him make a pizza, not as professional, not as impressive. This is like Chris Bianca. Well, you remember he made that shitty pizza and he made a video of it? He did? Yeah, and then I made a one in response. Oh, right.

It's like a rap battle, an old school rap battle. Yeah, you won that one. You won that one. Yeah, but it is weird when people have like some weird talent. I don't have any hidden talents because when you're doing the show every single night, you bring all three of your talents to the forefront. Yeah, you can play a little bit of drums, you'll be playing the drums. But you have the cartooning. I've done that on the air.

It's hard to be funny, though, and to draw at the same time. It's almost impossible. He's also an incredible cook. He's not messing around. Yeah, but what are you going to do with that? Yeah. We'll feed all your friends. Well, make everybody happy around you.

Yeah. I have a very weird skill, which is I can remember what women were to almost everything. It is in incredible. Really? And we just discovered it. The most impressive thing I've ever seen anyone do. And what did I say to you last month? I just threw something out there.

I said something to the effect of what did our niece, Allison, where to our daughter's baby, shower 18 months ago. And she's like, she thought about her for a couple seconds and she came up with it. It was like a white linen pan. And our niece was going wild. I don't know why I'm not aware of it in the moment. But I don't remember what men were, but I can remember what women almost were.

There's nothing memorable about what we wear. Yeah. That's stylish. Last year, Jimmy Fallon and Evil Kid Evil. And this, unfortunately, is probably more of a Jimmy question, but maybe it's not. So watching Fallon put on that show last year, it was kind of like a right of passage. I remember watching him and I was like, this would be so hard for me five years ago. He's so much funnier than me and energetic in the life of the, like he is in the role I filled in

my group for years. At that time, I was 50 watching it. I was like, I think we're finally here where we can let him be spectacular. It has nothing to do with how unspectacular I am. Do you remember getting, I mean, you've always been funny. But you're surrounded by a lot of people. At some point you got to go like, yeah, let Phelan jump on the table. I never had that inclination in the slightest bit.

If I'm at a table with funny people, I'm more than happy to just sit there and listen to it the whole time. Yeah. I think maybe being a talk show host, you need to have that because the goal is for those people to shine. Yeah. And to me, it's just a relief when somebody can carry the ball, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? But when there's an audience.

when there's a live audience in it. Like, you know how to get that. Once in a while we get comedians on. And I'm like, oh, we should have them every fucking day. Makes it easy. Yeah, they care. They're trying hard to be funny. And you're like, oh, man, what a blessing.

You still want them. Yeah, I'm not as a bald. You still want their approval. You want them to think you're funny. If it was a long-form situation like this, yeah, I would certainly want that, whatever. But you know how it is at our show. You have eight minutes. And those are your eight minutes.

If you see me being funny in those eight minutes, it means I'm just, trying to fill in a hole. It means their three-minute story was 45 seconds. And now we've got some time. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny.

Are you conscious of that click? Because occasionally we'll have an expert on who is very, very smart, but they've never been in front of camera. They're not going to dole out the info that they have. And I go like, it's just going to be one of these episodes. I'm just telling random stories quite a bit. And you feel a little bad about it, but you're like, that's what I got to do right now. It's funny because online, like if you get somebody, like sometimes,

The worst guests are very young and they're very popular. Yeah. And they have a rabid fan base of young people who are very excited to see them. And they walk out there and they don't know what to do. Yeah. And you have to help them and you have to help fill that time and make sure it's not a train wreck. And then your reward is you will go online and be bashed by everyone saying, you didn't let

so-and-so talk. I couldn't agree more. Oh, no. I have to resist to comment to those people. And it's real easy to see, you know, on YouTube. You know, they're right there for you. So that's just something you have to deal with. It really is a skill.

And I know you guys have figured that out. It is a skill for people to know how to tell a story. And some of the most talented people can't do it. You know, it's interesting chefs. A lot of chefs. Some of them are made for television. Some of them are made for broadcasting. And some of them are great chefs.

And they're just not good at it. You're kind of puzzled. He was like, oh, this guy is such a great chef. Why can't he tell me what's happening? Yeah, of all the ways to get famous and end up on your show, that one required the least amount of probably personality. You have the skill set and you're a great manager, probably. Doesn't mean great talk show.

When thinking of things, we already know Life Story. We've done Life Story. First of all, again, just publicly, what a great episode you had. You had such a spectacular episode. People loved it so much. They really did. Yeah, it was a huge, huge. It was a real bucket list moment for me.

You know I love this podcast so much. Constantly texting, Monica, everything I love about it. It's really nice. Thank you for having me. Well, the thing I was thinking about is I have known you guys for a long time. How long have you have been together now? Well, you and I have known each other for 20-something years, 22 years probably. Yeah, yeah.

And you and I have been married for 12. I always forget. It'll be 13 in July. You're married for 13. 13 and together for three before that. So 16 years. That's so long. That's mega.

Yeah. It's your longest relationship, right? Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. By some time, right? Not by much, but yeah, yeah. All right, we might, okay. By a year.

We made it. I don't really know your meet cute story. Amonkin and I really wanted to hear like how it. Oh, I'll tell you. Yeah, yeah, how it blurred. Okay. Well, we knew each other because we worked together. But when I met him a couple weeks into working at the show.

And I went into his office with the executive producer at the time. And he said, oh, I want you to meet my new assistant. I don't think Jimmy even looked up from his desk. And my boss at the time, Daniel said, this is Molly. She's my new assistant. She just triathlons. Because I was doing trathlons at the time.

And Jimmy said, how stupid? And then that was it. That was my first. He started by making you, yeah. Yeah. He had just read that book. Yeah. No, I really couldn't.

I couldn't understand why a human being would do something like that subject themselves. I do agree. Well, really quick, your first impression of him, other than the fact that he looked up from giving you eye contact. Yeah. Were you like, this is like a thing? No. No, sorry.

Not at all. Like, not even a little bit. And by the way, same with him with me. Like I didn't even. Even more so. Yeah. No, I did not look at him that way at all. Were you intimidated by him?

Yes. For sure I was intimidated by him. But as I got to work with him for years, I really loved this guy. I was like, he is such a good human. He takes such good care of his staff. He's so good to his family. He's just a good human. That's what I do. That's how I set the table, you know. It's a wrong play. You got to really get to know how you treat everyone in your life before the attraction ramps up. That's what I have to do.

So I think I don't know how far in, like, I think it was like eight years into maybe me working there. Wait that long? Yeah, it was a long time. Oh my happens. And I remember at the time I was one of the head writers. And at one of our writers meetings, someone asked, oh, cousin Sal said, you can only have five foods the rest of your life. are they? And we all went around the table and said them. And I just rattled off. I remember I said pizza and yokee, crab clause, BLT, and chocolate of cookies. Really quick. Yeah, real quick. Good list. And about six months later, talking about long place. Six months later, I go to Jimmy's house. He asks me to come over after work. I just got back from Africa, I think, and he was going to help me build a classroom over there. I went over to his house, and he opens up the door and it smells delicious. And he's like, I've made some

things and it was pizza and yokey crab claws strongest of cookies and VLT and he had remembered what my favorite foods were and he made them all now really like do you immediately register that as like oh he wants to fuck yeah and it made me very excited and very nervous wouldn't it have been so weird if that wasn't I was just like no I just I want to know what you like to eat I really love You were just the most confusing plutonic friend of anyone ever had. But I remember thinking, oh, no, this is a bad idea. I mean, he was my boss. I didn't have that thought.

Yeah, no. Yeah, yeah. Clearly. No, no, the person in power usually doesn't. But I was very nervous about it. I thought it was a terrible idea. And I was very skittish. And I kept telling him, I think this is a bad idea.

And he kept saying it's not a bad idea. And now we've been together. I kept going, stop talking. Talk to me. You need this New Yorkie. You eat this noki and then you tell me you don't want to do it. You tell me that. You look me in the eye with a straight face.

All right. Blondie. So are you guys doing some sneak in? A little bit. Yeah. For the first few months, we were very, very quiet about it. I was very nervous about it changing, obviously, the work dynamic and I was in a room full of mostly men and we had a great thing going on in that room and I didn't want it to

change. But then it did. If I can defend the men in power for one second, because no one's doing that anymore. It's been like a decade since anyone has taken up a sword to defend the men in power. You would think the man in power would be like, oh, I hope she doesn't just like me because I have power. You're thinking, I don't think she likes me. I don't know if this person likes me. The last thing or thing is like, she likes me so much.

I hope it's not for my power. It's funny because that would never occur to me. I always like, oh, if she thinks I'm funny. then maybe she'll like me. It's never about like anything other than that. Right. Right. I know that my only chance is to be funny.

Now, when it clicks to a guy in power, then we got danger. Yeah. Yeah, big time. But I don't know that the friends I've had who have ended up dating coworkers, I don't think they were afraid the person liked them because they had power. I think they were just mostly really nervous and hopeful they liked them. They're saying the person in power was nervous and hoping the person without power liked them. Yeah.

Yeah. Like you'd have to be like, oh, they love me. They like me. I hope it's not for my power. They're not even assuming you like that. Like, you have to start there in some weird way. Does that make sense? I think it depends on what you look like.

I think, like, when guys are real good looking, it just makes more sense to them. They're not worried. That's like societal power, I guess. But more it's once you're dating, then the power is the problem. Can be the problem because then it's like, oh. I just kept thinking, like, statistically, this is not going to work out. And your life doesn't change, but mine does. Yeah.

And that's what really freaked me out. That's what gave me so much comfort. Absolutely. That was your leverage. Yeah, but I was really freaked out by it because I had worked really, really hard. I was one of the head writers at the show. I'd been doing that role for about a year and a half. The thing I most related to is when you were talking about, like, I don't want it to be, like, I like being us and them.

I want to be in this writer's room and shit on him. Like that would be the thing I would be afraid to lose. Yeah. I still shit on them in the writer's room. More so. Yeah. Much more so. Sometimes I do find myself over correcting.

a little bit. Not a little bit. A lot bit. Yeah. I got to keep my relationship in there, you know. Well, I'll tell you right now, Monica will probably cut this out, but she's in a situation where she's a guy that was moving furniture into her house. She's like, that guy's tall and handsome. Went on a date with him. It didn't work out. And now she can't order any more furniture. Well, I will be ordering more furniture. I just will be getting the schedule. Is he the only furniture delivery person? He works with my designer. So my designer's like, okay, we're bringing in And he came over twice and I was like, that guy's cute. Stay on the couch.

Yeah. Bring more couch. Drop the couch. I did make a mistake because I've been pursued, which I was very, actually very, I was very proud of myself. Yeah, we're all happy. Everyone's very proud of me. How did you do it? What did you say?

So I reached out to my designer and I said, who is that guy? And she said, do you know if he's single? How old is he? She gave me all the information. He was single. And she said, should I give? First, she said, do you want to see him again before? you decide? And I was like, very designer, by the way.

Try it out for a week. Sit on it. Was there a 30% commission? Exactly. No, they called auditioning a piece when they like have something. Do you want to audition? So I said, okay, well, give him my number. And then he texted me immediately. It was fine, right? Someone needs to snatch him up and marry him. But it's not going to be me. Yeah. He was a nice. And now she's really got to decide how bad she wants. the ottoman from the catalog. I'm never coming downstairs from upstairs. Yeah, that's hard.

What if I'm there when he arrives? I'm like, hey, yeah, she was, and I start receiving your furniture. You start dating him. I'll start dating him. Yeah, yeah. From your point of view, this is confusing to me, but I accept it, which is you slowly were exposed to what a wonderful and generous and thoughtful human he was in your attraction group. What took you eight years?

Well, I was dating someone. Okay. I was dating Sarah Silverman. And then we broke up. And then because we broke up, I didn't feel it was, I don't know, just didn't feel like it would be cool for me to go anywhere

to, like, be out or anything. So we would just hang out at the office with a group of about seven or eight people every night. And that was really like our social life. So it was like a reality show in some ways, you know. I'm not seeing Love Island. Whether you're making this sound so her magic, you're like, basically I couldn't go anywhere,

so she was just there. Yeah. The jurors are sequestered. You know that? She was the only woman. She was romantic. Like, we were in lockdown. Well, we got to know each other in a way that you don't usually get to know people at work.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. Especially me, because there are like four people at work that I talk to every day. And Molly's not one of them. It's like, I'm in an office just kind of staring at my computer trying to figure out what we're going to do that night. Right. Okay, now that you guys have been working together and together for 16 years of that, I do wonder, it's almost impossible to have time with your partner when you have kids.

Considering how demanding both roles are at the show, do you think you could have been together 16 years if you didn't work together? Would you ever see each other and would you only see each other in this stressful kid dynamic? That's a great question. There were like work weekends where we have to go someplace that we wind up spending a lot of time together and they feel like vacation weekends. And then occasionally we do go on, we don't. take long vacations together, but we'll go away for a couple of days. And that's always nice.

How often does that happen? Well, I was going to say, I think we would have found each other and been together whether we work together or not. But I do think that the job has made us so much closer. I do think that there's kind of like this, I mean, similar to I imagine what you guys feel. Like you have a common goal every day. We have a shorthand with each other. We have an understanding, especially just like the ups and downs of our life professionally, personally, publicly, I think it has made us so much closer. We don't have to explain things to each other, like, oh, wait, do you hear what happened at work today?

Because experience it simultaneously. Yeah. Do you think it's also neutralized what could easily be bad behavior? Like, if you were just the host of this talk show and you had a wife who wasn't in the business, it would be easy for you to think, like, what you're doing is so demanding and important. And you would come on and you explain to her the pressures, and she might be enamored with how much. But you're doing the same thing.

No one gives a fuck that anyone's burnout, right? Don't you think that's kind of healthy? Yeah. Like, Kristen's not impressed with what I do. I'm not impressed with what she does. Do you think it's like neutralized how you might have behaved otherwise in a different relationship? Yeah, I don't know really.

I think most people have a pretty hard day, right? I do a lot of stuff. Too much stuff. And if anything, the argument we have is that Molly says, I'm doing too much stuff and can't understand how I'm doing this much stuff. To me, it's just kind of like, well, I have stuff that has to be done. So I'm doing it. Stuff needs to do.

Where I get frustrated personally is when there's something that I don't want to do, some work that I have to do that's like two hours of going through scripts in a very detailed way that is not enjoyable. And I get shit for it. That I don't like. It's like, once again, I've found myself in a lose-loose situation. Well, you have someone who wants to be with you. you, you know? Right. But then I go like, yeah, but also, you know, you work at the show too and you know we have to do this stuff. I do. So it sometimes is like, God, not only do I have to do this, but she's mad. Yeah, sure. Sure. That's the icing on the case. I said to the other night, the day is so grueling and like putting on a show every day is so demanding. I don't know if people really understand. It is from seven in the morning. And to him, it's usually like 10 or 11 o'clock at night. He gets home. We put the kids to bed. You know, he reads Harry Potter.

with them. We have dinner. And then it's back to work for about two to three hours on his computer prepping the next day. And the other night, we were just like laying in bed. And I said, this is my favorite time of the day when it's just quiet. There's no noise. And it's just two of us laying in bed together. And we're like really talking and connecting. And it's also crazy that it's just like 10 minutes a day when it's a show day. And then there was silence and then she heard. Well, he is not epileptic and he falls to sleep immediately. Well, if he's up or working from seven to 11. That's my secret talent is falling right to sleep.

It's so annoying. He falls asleep immediately. Oh, that's aggravating. So I'm very much of you in the relationship. I think Kristen could say no to more things. I envy her sleep. Yep. It's interesting because would you agree,

you don't just get angry that they work too much or that they've said yes, too many things. I start getting into psychoanalyzing her. And I'm like, what is the big barrier of saying no? Yes. Or is it, can you not remember how you felt the last time you said yes to that thing and that you'll be there and you'll hate it and you don't need to do that anymore? So I get overly obsessed with trying to figure out what is going on. Same.

And I think a lot of it is I just say like a yes to all that is a no to us at home. And I know that a lot of it is part of the job and you have to do it. But I start to take it. I wouldn't say personally, but yeah, I guess personally, I'm like, why do all those people get a piece? can we have a little bigger piece of the pie? But I also understand the demands of the job better than anybody. It's all the extra stuff. You're doing one of it right now.

And by the way, I just want you to know for the record. I did not ask you guys to come on. He was so nice and offered. And I never would have done it because I know what week we're all having. I was confused at first. Dax made the mistake of trying to communicate with me as a human being. And I'm not used to that. I thought we could bond.

that this time of year for both of us is really hellish. I saw it as he needed help. I was like, yes, we will, you know what? We are very busy, but we will figure it out. And he's like, well, I wasn't asking you for anything. And then I was in a tricky situation. I was like, I would never, ever turn you guys down as guests. Wait, why are we here?

Did you invite us here? I did. Yeah, I invited us here. Molly, I just said kind of, hey, checking in. I know this is our most miserable time of year. We share this. Always when we get to Idaho, I'm dead. and I can see you guys are dead.

So I was just kind of like saying like, hey, how's the grind going? Yeah. And I don't know why interpret that is like, I'm not sure why I interpret it either. I'll tell you why. Maybe he's asking people to work more than you think he's just saying yes. No, this is the problem. This is a problem. This is just a human being trying to have a human interaction with your friend checking in.

What a nice thing. But you're so like used to just like the transaction of every day of like yes or no. It was the middle of the day. I was in that mode, you know. Oh, my God. It was a confusing time of day. Also, this isn't exactly work. The only time we really get to have a long, detailed conversation is when I'm here doing

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You may have picked up on some truth, though. We did need this. We do. We're trying to get through the summer. Right. We need guests. I understand it. I felt like if I can help that, I can relate to that.

You know, you've got to bank some shows in order to go on vacation. Wait, I need more. Was the intention at all to have him on the show? Tell me the truth. A thousand percent zero. Yeah, no, it's clear from the text. That wasn't his intent. I know what his schedule is.

That's how I read it. I won't ask you guys to be on when I need you and I know you're free. I will. I will. I will. I will. Dear y'all's hardest. We have asked you so many times.

Dax and Kristen always come through when we need a guess. That is also in my head, too. Like, if there's a request of any kind, I must. Okay, you're ready? Yes. It's that time of year. Dot, dot, dot, dot. doing six to eight a week trying to get free for the summer.

Thought you might be in a similar burnout phase. June 19th can't get here soon enough. I see how you read that as he might need some. I was like checking in. That is a human checking in with another human. I think it was the it's that time of year part that I was like, okay, all right. It is that time of year. He goes, I'm in the same boat, but if you need me, I'll make it work.

Oh. Oh, no. Which I responded, ah, ha. Ah, that's generous and beautiful. I promise I wasn't fishing. I was just thinking of who could relate to the bottomless content, inferno that we won't ever abate. Why are we here?

And then he wrote, ah, either way, the offer stands. So now it's like... Now he's double down. I'm going to offend him by not inconveniencing him. It'd be so great if these weren't even on. Like, they just set this all up for us just to make you feel. That's one of the fun things about being me. Like, on one hand, you know, I don't want to do stuff.

On the other hand, for instance, if you had been doing this podcast for a long period of time and never had asked me to be on it, even though if you'd said, you know what, he's so busy, like I don't want to bother him and ask me if it would drive me insane. It would drive me nuts. I think that's why I'm still intrigued with you after 22 years because I want to know why you're saying yes to everything. Immediate theories jump out at being like, one is you have a hard time saying no. Two is like you think you got to keep your foot fucking slam to the floorboard to keep, I don't know. know, the business going, which doesn't seem right. You're generous. I'm in the business of asking people to do things for me.

Okay. Excuse me. What do you mean by that? Like them coming on the show? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And like when we have a bit and like, you know, I'm committed to some idea.

I think it's going to be so funny. But it can only be this person. And if they say no, it can be so heartbreaking. You know? Or if you're in like a tough spot, you're like somebody got sick and the show's in three hours. So for me, there are certain people like Dax, for instance, who I would never say no to ever. And I mean, unless like, you know, I was on the moon or something like that.

And then there are other people, you know, who to a lesser extent, like, you know, somebody's been on my show eight times and then they want me to do their podcast in my head that the just thing is to do the podcast. That's it. That's a beautiful way to put it. But if I were your partner, what Kristen would say to me is they're not doing new favors to be on your show. I agree. You have a great fun show that is a great opportunity to promote a project that you're obligated to promote and there's no better fun or place to go do it.

So really, it's not about doing favors, really. It's about being fair, the spirit of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's about knowing what it takes to pull off something like this, that it's hard. And so if you can show up for someone, you will. You do that. If anyone asks you to be on a podcast, you say yes. Oh, I will, but I'm not as busy as Jimmy. Well, yeah. Or is popular, so it doesn't They come up as much. But I want a psychological breakthrough here. There's something more going on. I have a hard time saying no to charity events as well.

It's a very, very difficult thing for me. Yeah. Yeah. That's hard. I'd also just like to add that I think some of it is guilt, maybe. Like a little bit of guilt. I think Jimmy is still in shock that he is as successful as he is. And I think that he feels very guilty almost about that.

I think it's more I grew up Catholic and I just have an inherent sense of guilt. Yeah. about existing in the world and having, listen, if you're going to really be Catholic, you should have no money, you should have nothing, you should give all of it away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's strike one, two and a half just to start on that you got to come back from. And in general, like I'm from a family of people who do a lot of things for other people. That's the model.

That's what I have seen in my life. When we would go to church at the end of church, my parents would be folding. up all the chairs while everybody else left. Yeah, yeah, right? So that's just what is ingrained in me. That is exactly who you are. That could be motivated by two things. One is, yeah, I don't deserve this.

And I'll jinx myself if I'm not always available and ready to show up. I don't look at it like that. You don't. No, no. It's not like superstitious. Thank you. Okay, you just passed the most important test. Yeah, we just talked about this.

We just talked about this. We went to one. with some friends a few years back. And I'm at this lunch and I'm staring at my male friend's nose. And there are six very, very visible huge black hairs growing out of his nose from across the table. I can see it. No, no, the outside. Sprouted from the bulb of the nose, right?

Wow. Yeah. Are you friends with a racist monkey? I can see it from the other side of the table and catty corner, right? I was diagonal from my friend. And we got in the car and I said to my wife, she hates his fucking guts. That woman is a foot from his face. She sees that.

And she's like, yeah, I want this motherfucker out there with hair all over his nose. And she goes, yeah, it's kind of crazy. There's no way you would be moving around town with huge hairs growing on your nose. Never mind her. What's wrong with him? No. Yeah. He can't see.

Why? Can't he see it? He's got a mirror, right? I didn't want to say, I'm this friend of Stevie Wonder. No, no, no, no. But it is an older man who probably would have to put glasses on to see the hairs in the mirror. And we don't bring our reading glasses to the mirror. mirror right here. This is her job and it's his job to be minding her. So I say this in the car

and Kristen kind of agrees. Guys, they got divorced three months later. Really? They did. Oh, wow. So what I just saw, you caring for how your partner looks good job. Just bought us at least three months. Yeah, I am not making that prediction. What was it? Like, is there some like nose hair version of irreconcilable differences? If I were him and I was in court, I would say, look, she could see these huge hairs. I was embarrassing myself everywhere and she wanted me to be. She could also say in court he just stopped taking care of himself. He was letting

all these hairs grow out of his nose and didn't seem to care enough about. He would say, Molly, I can't see. We made that part up. Who drove home? Was it her or him? They were staying at the hotel. That's enough information. And I was hot under the collar when we left that. Wow, because of that. What

is she doing? Why didn't you tell him? See, because it's interesting. You got mad at her before him. I agree. I felt bad for him. You are one of the most feminist men that I know, and I'm a little surprised that you were mad at her and not him. Like, why aren't you like, hey, man. Yeah, but he would have felt the same way it was reversed, right?

He clearly doesn't know that. He has those hairs. No one would leave the house if they knew about the amount of long hairs growing out of notes. Yeah. And so is your partner not looking at you at all? That's concerning. Like, if Kristen had five huge black hairs growing up, I would see it. Yeah.

And I would go, Han, I know you're going to a photo shoot. Do you want me to grab the tweezers? Because I love her. And you would do the same thing. Yeah, I would. This is a good reason to be disappointed. But what if, okay, he could be a very sensitive person, maybe before she's tried to be like, hey, you have.

And he's like, don't stop. He's insecure. Just stop picking on me. Don't touch my face. I had a terrible experience helping some of the hair wants. I was high school and this girl, Carmen Pastoric, blonde, beautiful. All the guys loved her. They're all around her.

She's telling a story. Everyone's enamored. And I was like, oh, look at her. But I'm embarrassed for her because she has blonde blonde hair and once on her face. As she's mid-story, I reached over and I pulled it. And I'm like, oh, no. And all of the guys went at the same time. And she got beat red.

She had like a nine-inch long blonde chin hair. I don't know how she made it out the door, not seeing that. But I remember just feeling. When you pulled the string, did she say something? I want to be friends No, I didn't they show me to be my friend anymore I felt terrible. Oh, no.

Yeah, because you just thought it was an errant hair. Yeah, I thought it was an errant hair and I went to pull it and it was connected to the chin. We have somebody at our show who has a lot of ear hair that I monitor and I talk to him about it. I was like, that's too much ear hair. You've got to take care of that because once you just stopped then it's like what happens?

You become an old man, right? Yes, yes, yes. And so I monitor it. Have the children taken over any of your duties? Because Lincoln, for whatever reason, is so on top of my ears. She examines them all the time. She finds crust in there. She hates it.

She wants me to have clean ears when I leave the house. Oh, I like that. So is Jane taken over any of your duties in that regard? She yells at me when I put Q-tips in my ears. Okay. Because she knows they're not. They're very interesting children. They're very by the book.

We have a friend who litters and smokes, and they are mortified by this. and he loves how mortified they are by it, and so he does it a lot in front of them. Sure. He yells at me when I hold my sneezes in, which I do. Yeah, they both do. Because I then made the mistake of telling them and you have to fact check this,

that it kills brain cells, and they now are worried about my brain. Well, now she lets these terrifying karate chop sneezes out. Each one takes like six and a half days off of my life. You get so mad. You have no idea how mad I get because I keep it in most of the time. It really is. is like somebody hit you in the back of the head with something.

I had to let it out because the kids get met. They're like, Mom, let it out. She went from when we met. Yeah, that's what he always says. No, one. I really let one loose and I hear him the other one. When we started dating, they were so quiet. You were so mad.

You felt like I told me. They frightened me. Oh, for God's sake. They startle me. We have a friend who has horrific sneezes in the same way. It's like the whole table just jumps up every time. Yeah. They're hostile.

They feel aggressive. So she's adding to them. I am not adding to them. They're cartooning. Yeah, yeah. Okay. I don't want to get into the weeds in it, but there are several funny things that came out of the cancellation. I wouldn't have thought this.

It was like cancellation. Yours. My, yes, my pre-facation. Whatever. Yeah, whatever we're calling that now. I found there to be some funny things I learned tonight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm excited about this.

I didn't know this. There were helicopters all around your house during this. Yes. So I didn't know that. That's intense. Yeah, there were like 15 black SUVs following us home. Remember when we were crouching in the bushes? Including the local NBC affiliate, which I found for whatever reason, that really pissed me all.

And that got you? What the fuck? We were trying to lose them on the way home from the show. I learned that in time of war or strife, we would be so dead. I'm like, here's what we're going to do. You make a left here. we're going to get out of the car. You're going to keep driving.

You'll keep going. You know, we're blocked by the houses. You keep driving and then send another car to pick us up coming the other way. We'll sleep into that car. And they're like, yeah, and they're like, the whole time we really said, they know where we live. Right. He just looked stupid getting in and out of cars. The only photos they got of us were when we were doing that stupid car swap.

We're like, let's go to the Trader Joe's parking lot. We'll swap cars. That's right. We went to Trader Joe's also. We did. Oh, that was part of the plan. Yes. The traitor Joe.

Oh, my God. We have no idea what we're doing. We're not cut out for this. Yeah. We did not go to the Britney Spears School of Paparazzi invasion. That's where you need. You guys needed to switch to motorcycles that week. That would be cool.

But it was more intense than I think I gave it credit for. But there are a couple hysterical moments that came out of it when you had to like tell the kids. And I'm thinking about something Jane said and Billy. But Billy was the first right to ask, is it the president? Does he have something to do with this? Is he the one who asked that? I believe it was Jane. We had to explain what was going on because there were helicopters and noise outside our house.

And also they were still in school. And this was becoming a very huge story. We didn't know how big it would be. And we didn't know if the kids were going to hear about it at school. So we said the show has been canceled for a little bit. And Jane said, is this Donald Trump's fault? Okay. And we said, yes.

Which again. Correct. When you're evaluating all the weird ways our kids are growing up, that's incredibly bizarre. It really is. I said a Jimmy there. I'm like, what a wild child did for these kids to know that the president in United States doesn't like their father. I mean, that's not a great feeling, but it's also kind of funny. In a feather in your camp. I don't know if they understand that he's not like a movie villain or a TV, you know, in a way, he is. He's like a cartoon character in our eyes. They're probably having a hard time taking him seriously. Well, also, they never had a normal president. For them, it's like, this is what happens with the president. Yeah, these are president. It's like interchangeable with Dr. Evil or something.

Yeah. But the one that cracked me up is that Jane was really concerned, and I just learned this about her, is she very much thinks she'll be taking over your show. She does, yes. Oh, yeah. She's going to be Jane Kimmelah. Yes. So she started crying because her show was going away.

Oh, shit. Yeah. Which I found annoying. I'm presumptuous. For whatever reason, she's decided, even though she is one of my four children, that she is taking over the show. It was never a conversation even. It was just like, yeah, well, I will, of course, run the family business.

I love the spirit. I know if I were your kid, I'd be thinking that for sure. I would almost be really pushing you off. I think she'd be great. I told John Stewart about this. He said, yeah, yeah, my son said the same thing. He was like, yeah, and then I will be taking over the daily show. And he was like, what's with this Trevor character?

Who's he? And then another really funny thing was you had said, I think, to Jane, I hope you know that over time, you'll find out that we were on the right side of history. That's really important. And to which she replied, I thought we were on the left. She did. She said, I thought we were on the left. She also offered to sell her loboos. She immediately cried.

She was, I'll sell all my loboos. She had three loboos at the time. Yeah, each time something happens, they think we're just going to be bankrupt the next day. they don't seem to understand that there's some savings. I went to play poker with my Groundling's friends from like 30 years ago. It's like a $10 buy-in poker game. And I went little that I know the entire three hours I was gone, Lincoln was obsessed with the fact that I'm going to lose all of our money.

And when I got home, she was like, dude, do you lose all of our money? And I'm like, I guess you have a right to fear that I'd be a gambling addict too, but I'm not. I mean, it's better that than them thinking like, you guys have infinite money. Yeah. You want them to be a little anxious about it. Yeah, maybe not as anxious as they are. Yeah. There's a fine line, I guess.

Yeah. How long was the window before you knew that you were coming back? We were suspended on, was it a Tuesday or a Wednesday? I remember it as a Wednesday. It was the 18th. Yeah, I think a Wednesday is correct. And we were back on the following Tuesday. The following Tuesday.

So almost a full week. Yeah, almost a week. Yeah. Three shows, really, is what it was. Were you at any point going like, Oh, okay. I'm retired. Was there any little window where you're like, maybe I need to embrace this and maybe I'm excited for that? Yeah, I mean, it's funny. It's more immediate than that. It's more like, all right, so I don't have to do a show on Monday.

You know, that's kind of how I looked at. Like, all right, well, the good news is that I don't have to work tomorrow. Of course, it turned out to be a much more stressful work day than the usual work day. But it was a little bit of that. Yeah. It was like, I don't need this. This is such bullshit. I don't need it. You do deal with that thought. I deal with that thought regularly, not just in an extreme situation. I deal with that now on a daily basis, I think.

Just like why. Weirdly, I deal with it less now than I used to because now I feel like this show is an outlet for people who are outraged by what's going on. And I feel some responsibility to those people. So it's not just like, why do I need to get up? And it's like, well, yeah, there is kind of a reason, a non-financial reason that you need to do this. Nothing we ever did in the past had any consequence, you know. Right. You know, he would say something or tweet something maybe.

I don't even mean consequence in that way. I mean consequence, like it didn't matter. We had people jumping off a diving board in their bathing suits that we pulled off the street. It had nothing to do with anything that was actually going on in the world. Not winning a Peabody really for that. Yeah, no, no. Probably. By the way, I noticed today that Peabody's been rolling around in my trunk for like two weeks.

Oh, God. I was like, what is this? Can we rant it? Put it on the hood. We've been wanting one. You know, we campaign for it almost every episode. We don't want any award other than the Peabody. And we're not sure how you get one or why.

I would love that for you guys. It sounds great. There's 15 jurors and they all have to say yes. If one person says no, you don't get it. It's like joining the Hell's Angels. It's got to be unanimous. Yep. Aren't you now on the.

committee for Peabody. So a guest told us this. They said, I think Kimmel has joined somehow. If I am, it's news to me. I don't think so. Well, if you are and if you end up at a meeting, they ask, or they probably don't even ask you offer to go. If you want the one that's in my trunk, I would love it. Yeah. I just want to see what it looks like. It is pretty cool. And it started in radio. The Peabody started as an award to people in radio. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Because that's all there was at the time. It's a broadcasting and, film award. Okay.

Did it get tricky at all? It's stressful on a relationship, no? Yeah, for sure. I think this is a little different because we were in it together. Yeah. And most of the situations we are. Yeah, like it affects my livelihood, my job, my coworkers. So I was right there hand in hand with him the whole time.

I will say, like, I get to a point of resentment when it is relentless, scrutiny or, oh, my God, that joke we said yesterday is everyone's at us for it. I resent how much time and it sucks. How much energy it takes. The energy it sucks. But no, I feel like we are lucky and that we really kind of were in the same spot during that. I let it roll off my back much more than I ever had. The older I get, the less affected I am by that stuff. I'm much more affected, I think. Yeah, when I heard you guys talk about it, you said, you get more mad. Yeah. Why do you think it's less now? I think I'm not as connected to what people are saying. I also, you know, before I did this job and even before I was on television,

I was in a very stressful job as a radio disjockey getting fired from town to town to town. And I've become hardened in some ways. Also, like at that time when I lost my job, I was in deep financial trouble. Like I couldn't miss one paycheck. It was a problem. And I do try to remember that. I go, okay, if I don't have this job, we're going to be okay. I don't have to worry about that. And I do take some solace and comfort in that. So there's like little spikes of gratitude within the misery. Keeping in perspective.

That perspective at that time. Now, yeah, it wasn't the president. You weren't dealing with the most powerful person in the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But a much bigger concern is I can't get $20 out of the ATM because I have less than that in it. That's a real concern. So these things that I'm dealing with are big and they get a lot of attention. But getting fired in Tampa, Florida was harder than this.

How about the aspect, though? I don't mind it all if I said an opinion and you understood the opinion and you object to it. I can live with that all day long. Our weird little dust that made me mad because we were in trouble for a joke people didn't get. And so you're mad at me for something you've misunderstood. And I find that really fucking uncomfortable. Like, I can't just let that roll off my back for some reason. I feel like I have to explain it and protect it.

Until they accept it. Yeah. Yeah. I do believe we're also living in a time where people are deliberately misinterpreting words for either clickbait or attention or just prodding people. Political capital. Yeah. I resent that too.

Yeah, it's hard to live with the notion someone is really angry at you or something they misunderstood is. I don't know why. like, I wish I could shake that off. Misunderstanding, I can deal with that. What really drives me crazy is intentionally perverting your words to suit whatever their narrative is. Yeah. Yeah.

But that's a class of person, right? They're coming for you no matter what. Like that I would put in the category, you know, no matter what I say you're going to love. But it's just like the average person who heard through the grapevine what the thing was and they don't understand that irritates me. Me too. But some people believe it. That's the heart.

It's like, yeah, that type of person is doing it. It bothers me especially because I don't do it. I won't do it. Even when I see Trump say something crazy and he's obviously joking, which he is sometimes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, but he was joking. And they'll be like, oh, you know, like, yeah, but he's joking. So, you know, you have some ethics about what you're going to. I might make a comment about if this joke was presidential or whatever, but I'm not going

to make that a literal statement. Right. Do you have a harder time when it's directed at Kristen or at you? A thousand percent worse when it's Kristen. In fact, I never, I don't think I ever engaged defending myself online, but if I read something about Kristen, I am fucking at the keyboard. Yep. I won't have it. I find it really hard because I feel like you know that person better than anyone and you're watching people write their story that is absolutely not who they are.

And I feel like I do it all the time with Jimmy too. And it makes me crazy. You're also married to a very generous, beautiful person. Yes. So my anger is like, how fucking dare you sling mud at her? What have you fucking helped? somebody do recently. Like, no one in this country is in a position that they can be on a moral high ground over

Kristen. Right. And it drives me. I agree with that. How dare you? Completely. Angel honors. That's where it's really, really hard for me.

I get really upset. I'm like, you don't know this person. Same here when it happens the other way. You want to fight then. Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yeah, you don't really care about any other principles you had.

Yeah. I don't. Yeah. You become just like kind of an animal protecting a cave. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's funny, it even happens here. But we often are on opposite side sometimes of a conversation or an issue.

But then if it's like when it's your brother, like when somebody else says it, I'm like, no, no, you don't get to say that. You are not allowed to say it. Only I can say it. I want you guys to apologize to me because I'm sorry. Well, I'd prefer you heard it first. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. It doesn't feel as genuine when you don't know what you're supposed. I can see that you've been with someone for 16 years.

You have the right blueprint. I love the setup to this question. I almost don't even want to hear the statement because it's so exciting. I want to revel in the drama of what it is. We can switch subjects for a while. I'm good at earmarking things. But when all this stuff happened, I'm like, oh, boy, I need to send Molly and Jimmy a text. And then I go, the last thing they need is a fucking text from somebody.

I met home and I'm just like, ah, fuck, I know I don't want to bother them. And also I need them to know that I'm heartbroken. They're going through this. You know, I molded over for a couple days and then I finally committed to sending it. And that was just really stressful for me. I cannot apologize enough for that.

You can't really imagine what I went through. Oh, we're apologizing to you for the stress. It caused you. Yes, I didn't know whether I should text you or not. It makes sense. It's funny because the question. itself is puzzling to me because I'm not adding up who has texted me and who hasn't or who has emailed me and who hasn't.

It would be impossible. Yeah. But I would notice if like my dad didn't send me something, you know? Yeah. And I do think that, yeah, waiting like a week or so is good is a good way to go because it shows that, like, hey, listen. I'm just trying to add to your thing. And then the fear kicks in and you're like, maybe he is going like, what does he agree

with these people? Why? I'm going to be honest with you. That's where I was. What? I was there. I was like, wow, we haven't heard from so and so or so and so. And I think I was spinning out. We were in isolation in our home. We were being attacked by the White House and a big part of the country. And I was, after a few days, been like, haven't heard from you were not. I'm sorry, I didn't say your name. But it would be a few people. I'm like, wow, haven't heard from them. I'm like, do they think we should be off the air? Like I started to think like, oh, they agree with this decision. he was never there. I don't know anybody who agrees with this.

He's like, stop it. They don't want to reach out, but I was going there. But this has been super productive because now we know in the future, I will text you. Thanks. And I'll just show up to be on your podcast. Guys, this isn't your last dust up. I just haven't right. I know.

So tired. We have to learn to appreciate when the sailing is smooth. Cousin Sal said it best the other day. He said, writing for this show and being part of the show is like being in the car and you're not drunk. a cop pulls behind you and you know, you start to just drive like, oh, I should be slower and I could get pulled over for a little thing. That's how it feels every day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like there's a cop behind us. Except I'm still speeding. Yeah. Yeah. And you're a little drunk. Yeah. I always err on the side of

sending it, even though it can feel a little selfish because it is like, I just need them to know that I care or I'm thinking about them. And I recognize it. It's like, oh, I know they're getting so many, but it's important to me that, You know that. A lot of it is about who is coming from. You know, sometimes there are people who you just don't know at all. Like, you know they want to tell their friends. Yes, some of the texts came in and you're like, oh, they just want to know what's going on. People in their lives have said, have you talked to Jimmy and Mom?

People in my life said that. Right. My mom called me. I'm like, what do I have to give you an account of this? I would have texted with her. Although I will say I did not respond. I got hundreds and hundreds of texts. I did not respond to any.

I would just heart. part yeah. Because I was too scared to say, I didn't know what the status was. And I was also afraid, honestly, at that moment, I'm like, are my text messages going to be in court? Like, I don't know what's going on. And so I just hearted everything. Here's another angle, though, I will throw at you.

Okay. Sometimes when somebody who's famous is going through something, I intentionally will not reach out to them because I don't want them to think, like, because sometimes something's going out with me and I'm like, oh, this is no big deal. And then suddenly it's like, I look at my phone and go, oh, crap, I guess this is a big deal. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to out him.

Jake Tapper, I learned that we were in a controversy. We were five days in. I had no clue. No way. He never stops reporting the news. I know. Even do the people involved? And I literally wrote back, wait, what are you talking about?

And then he's like, oh, sorry. I'm like, yeah, I don't even know what you're talking about. Because I'd have been keeping it from me. Yeah, that happens sometimes. I didn't even know. Oh, geez, I would never have known about this. But you text back right away, of course. And you said, you want me to come on your show and talk about it?

I'm a little busy, but I could be there in 15 minutes. No, but you wrote back right away. I was like, exactly. This poor guy, he's fucking dealing with this and now he's got to write me back. I shouldn't have sent anything. Okay. Lastly, I want to talk about family. I wonder, we addressed it already.

What's not fair to say is that our kids are growing up in a very weird situation. because actually they're not. I think people would be surprised about that. Like, it's just the same. You're eating dinner. You're begging them to clean up the room. You've got to go to school. It's just real life.

But then there's pops of insanity. Yeah. Or it's like someone they worship is walking through the driveway to come talk to dead. That stuff's kind of weird. And I wondered, do you guys share the same fears? What are the fears? We do. But also, I think we have to accept what reality is.

And there's this idea like I'm going to create this phony world for them where everything is as it was when I was a kid. Even I think back to when I was a kid, I grew up in Las Vegas. It's a strange place to grow up. It wasn't a normal upper now. Most of it was. And I think it's the same with them. Like most of it is. But then also there's the strip right near your house.

And people are there getting drunk and gambling and everyone's parents work there and you're exposed to it. And I just think like that you want to teach them values and you want to have like a normal life and and give them attention and all those things that are important and make sure they learn their multiplication tables. But you can't be phony and you can't pretend that what's happening is not happening. Yeah, you can't gaslight them. And that's kind of what I think our initial inclination is. Like we got to let them think everything's exactly the same as if they were growing up and

Brooklyn, you know. I find that I definitely worry about it, the access they have or the things they get to experience and that I will say to them, like, don't talk about this at school. Yeah, same. And then I'm like, what am I doing? I'm teaching them to lie or to hide or feel shame that they got to meet Olivia Rodriguez. Yeah, that should be exciting. Yeah.

But also, I realize, like, they don't know how cool that is. They genuinely don't. Like, Olivia Rodriguez was on the show and she made an offhanded comment, like, I'd love to babysit the kids sometime. Well, Jane keeps asking, like, when's she going to babysit? She doesn't know what her hourly rate would be. I think we put so much more value on these things than they do. The things I worry about also, I'm going to have to also let it be what it is. So one of the things I observe is like, well, they go to a totally normal fucking school.

More than half the kids are free lunch, right? So half the kids that come over to this house, they don't have a swimming pool. I start getting nervous about like, oh, she has all the leverage. It's not healthy for someone to have all the leverage. Like, it's not healthy to know you're providing the special thing to all the people when you're young. Will she exploit that? Then I've spent out, oh, like, observe. Like, was she being a little short with her friend?

It's like just normal stuff. But I have such a fear that she would not realize, well, a lot of these kids, this is a special experience. That's what stresses me out. You know, what's funny is so many times I've been stressed about this and I've thought we should call Dax and Kristen. And while I'm learning, you don't have the answers either. I make decisions. Yeah.

I have no idea. Like, parenting already, no one knows what they're doing. Right. I mean, they don't. We're doing the best that we can. It's your first time. Yeah, it's like this added element of like, now there's fame in there. And there's billboards of their dad on the way to school.

Like, that's not normal. I don't know how to do it. I'll be honest. Yeah. It's a little scary. I go, hey, guys, look, it's me. Hey, who's this handsome guy? Look at me over there.

But I also don't think they should carry our, I feel like we do project our own. It's good that we're scared. I think we have this idea that however we were raised is the way you're supposed to be raised. Yeah. And it's very egotical and a lot of, like, look at how I came out. I need them to come out this way. This was the formula that happened. But if you think about leverage, you think about like leverage to kids.

I think having a beautiful house with the pool is not so different from when, And I would go over my friend Clito's house and he had a beta max. You know, it's like it's just to a kid. Exactly. It's different. Leverage could just be you have a pair of Reeboks. Yes. You know.

Yeah. But I was in a situation where it's like you did hang out with the kid you didn't like in your neighborhood who had a pool because you wanted to go swimming. I was friends with the dude because he had a fucking Odyssey. I wanted to be around this off-road vehicle. You know what I'm being there feeling kind of dirty about it. Those dynamics happen. It's part of society.

Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare. The most popular kids are not necessarily the ones with famous parents or like rich parents or anything. Yeah. I think personality and cool factor is real whoever your parents are. That's what I want them to know. You can't ride on this shit. You have to be a rab friend. You have to be funny.

You have to be attentive. of, like, that's what I want them to know. Right. Don't skate on this. Right. I always find myself over explaining stuff, like when they get to experience something through his work or they get to come to the show. They're like, this is so cool.

I said, yes, and your friends' parents also work very hard. And just because they're not on TV doesn't mean their jobs are less meaningful. And Jimmy is just rolling his eyes and me like, I go way over the top. I'm like, there are nurses who work just as hard and they can't afford to have a pool in their yard. But that doesn't make them less special. No, I go crazy. Yeah, it's true, though.

Yeah. I think first class is a tricky one, though. Yeah. Yeah. Because, like, going back from first class, that's tough. Yeah. If you're used to it. Your first class was Delta's plus one, remember?

Yeah. The first time I flew first class, I was a three-year-olds plus one. Awesome. And it was amazing. That's a four. I feel like Richard. Yeah, exactly. I feel like I'm her Julia Roberts right now.

Yeah, but what do you do? You go in first class and you put your kids in the back. Oh, exactly. You can't. I've heard of people doing that before. It seems admirable, but I'm not willing to do it. It's hard enough to get them to sit down in first class. I don't want to be fucking with them in the back of the airplane.

It seems kind of terrible to me. Either we're all in coach or we're all in first class. We fly Southwest like twice a year just to let them know what's happening. I want to talk about retirement. You and I end up always talking about it when we're in Idaho. Yeah, I know. I know we're going to talk about it this year, too. Time of year.

And I guess I'm going to talk about it. I don't want to know, Molly, first. Like, what do you think about the notion of retirement? It definitely appeals to me for the nervous system of the household. But I feel like Jimmy has, like, a fly rod in one hand and, like, a torch in the other right now. It's like he deserves to go out there and just be on the river and relax, but I also want him to keep fighting. And I feel this sense of desire to not quit because I think what he's doing is incredibly important right now. And, yes, I know we're doing it into a vacuum.

but I think it's giving people a feeling of like their voice is heard and I think it's important. But as his wife, I really would like him be able to not do this show anymore so you could relax. But what about you? Yeah, what about you? Me, I'm good either way. I would be happy to be done with the show and end it in a great way and do my own next thing. But I do care deeply about that show and the people who work there and I think the voice is really important right now. And do you have a fear that if you guys did wrap it up in the most beautiful way and you got it exactly as you wanted, do you have this simmering fear that you'll, two years later, like, wait, why did we stop doing this thing we love? Is that in the equation?

Yeah, I do. I have that. Maybe. Yeah. Because I know people who've been in that situation. It's funny. People make a big show of like, I'm done and I'm tired doing this. And then they make a lesser comeback trying to do the same thing. That's always a bummer. And I always look at that and go, oh, is that going to be me? I know. I do look forward to that moment, like, when the kids leave for school and then it's like coffee and open the computer and digesting all the news of the day and like having a purpose with it that I will definitely miss. Reading it leisure sounds nice, but I also like reading with a purpose. Like I'm going to read this and then figure out the angle on it. I like that feeling and I will miss that. Do you have enough hobbies that you think you'll be entertained? No, and I need to work on that.

I started learning piano, trying to learn things, but no, I look forward to that. do. He has a lot of hobbies. I see. It's really tricky to evaluate it because part of me is like, I've done show business for a very long time. Like, how long did I need to do show business? A, B, I'm afraid of letting it all go because it was so hard to get. And then that is what makes me horny for it because I'm afraid of it. It's how I felt when I was in Detroit and was like, we're going to go to California. We don't know what's out there. Probably failure. We must try this. The actual fear of it is what really motive. It feels like, oh, there's a challenge in front of me.

Can I let go of all this? Can I have a different chapter that has nothing to do with any of this and feel valuable without being productive? Like, it feels like a lot of life challenges. Do you ever think to yourself, how would I explain this to me at 25 years old, just giving up, just letting it go? I know that 25 year old me would be like, are, Are you crazy?

Right. Keep going. 25-year-old me, too, but also 25-year-old me was in a blackout five days a week. Right, right, right. I have no interest in what 25-year-old Dax things I should be doing. 25-year-old would have just been so excited to work at a place that had a snack table that was free. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, that would have been just like, or a gas card if they, like, gave you a free fuel or something. If you got 22 cents a mile or something, forget about it. Yeah. How do you feel about retirement? Sorry, I'm not trying to do your job. No, do my job. I'm curious. Like, he gets asked this a lot, but I feel like it changes.

I mean, it depends on what you mean by retirement. I'm never going to stop doing things. No. So it's just a different scenario. That's the thing on the eye left. I know, but yeah, my makeup coming off. When I eat garlic, my eyebrows start flaking immediately. Really?

Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty immediate. Yeah. I'll get red. I don't know if something got in my eye.

Do you think Molly, though, that you will do another job? Yes. That makes money. Yeah, hopefully that makes money. That probably makes money. Molly's always wanted her to open a karate studio. Oh, my God. Oh, I think a lot of us have wanted her to open a karate studio.

Wow. Well, when Dax retires, I'll join you. First, she has to learn karate. Yeah, I'll do that first. That part's easy. Yeah. No, I'm definitely excited to write something and do my next thing. But I also want to ride this as long as we can and then do my own thing.

What have you opened a karate studio to learn karate? Oh, that would be like a very novel approach to learning karate. Like you wanted to have your own mat or whatever the fuck you have in karate. I like that. Really all I need is positive affirmation. I need somebody to look at whatever I've done and go, oh, that's great. And then I'll be. Jimmy recently painted a sweatshirt for me.

You'll see it in Idaho. Hand painted this sweatshirt. It was how many days of work? Not that many. Several. So modest. But just this beautiful scene of Idaho on a sweatshirt. I love it so much.

It's like my prize possession. But he can't. Can't stop when I get started. He can't stop. And also like, are your hobbies, are you able to enjoy them? Or are you sitting there going, I should be doing something that earns money? No, I can enjoy the shit out of my hobbies. If anything, I feel very guilty, I'm not doing some of my hobbies.

Like, I haven't been to the sand dunes in two seasons. That actually makes me mad at myself. Like, why are we here? If we have the ability to do this thing, you've always, like, that drives me nuts. I'll get critical. I do sometimes wonder, like, if you could know this is how much time you have left, are we wasting out of stuff we shouldn't be doing, you know? It's just interesting.

I didn't grow up again, talk about how we grew up. I never met anyone who had the option to retire. I never met anyone that was fine and took on another challenge and became a different human being. I knew you work until your body quits and then you go to Florida and you drink. And then you play golf. And then you're dead in like, I don't know, 12 years. You hurt your hip and you're going on. Yeah, same here.

Everyone I know who has or can do that is someone I met in the last 20 years. Yeah. Right. And you don't know if you trust them. Yeah. There's some guilt with that too. Like my dad just retired. He's 72.

And yeah, to be like, I'm done now at 52. Yeah, yeah. It feels irresponsible. Rude or something. I think people will hate me over it. Yeah. It's lazy. Yeah.

It feels un-American. It does. Like, I know people will hate me over that if I retire in my 50s. Yeah. But part of me is like, oh, there's this great challenge. I'm afraid to know who I am without being productive and spectacular. And I want to take on that challenge. I love that.

I don't know how you guys think of legacy. I doubt you think about it. I certainly don't. But I just have to say, your guys' legacy from the bottom of my heart, it's so unique. There's about 30 kids that come to Idaho every summer. And I promise you, if you ask these kids when they're adults, the best weeks of their entire life, that is this thing you guys created, this environment and this vibe and the way it's put together. And for the 30 adults, are we the seventh year, six years, six years, seven? Yeah, I think six.

It's getting long. Yeah, it is. Every year we debate it when we're there. I know. We never remember. Sincerely from the bottom of my heart. And I have had a spectacular charm life. and everyone that goes to this thing has had a spectacular charmed life.

It is among my favorite weeks of my entire life that you guys have given me and 30 other families and it's so special. That's a weird art to be able to do that. It's very much your legacy. It's very kind of you to say. But for us, we feel the same way. So for us, we feel like we're a part of that

and we do it because we love it. We know our kids feel that way. And we do it with our family also. each year we do the same thing. And we just remember, like Molly always talks about her time going to Lake Michigan with her family. We never really had anything like that. But those memories are so intense and special and important in your life, I think.

And also just they mark time in a lot of ways. And so I'm big on that. I think it's important to have family Christmas Eve and the traditions and to do it properly because I love watching these kids running wild. They turn into teenagers. Some of the boys now have muscles. It's so fun. It's like I love seeing how everyone's growing up.

It's so special. We're just so grateful. I don't know that we can relate to you how special it is. You guys have done a really good job of communicating. You were not as good at texting us after we were canceled. You've done an amazing job of communicate that. And it also brings us such joy. to do it and to have people who love it.

And I think we've curated a really great group of people there. And I'm so grateful you guys keep loving it and coming. I love being around people who are having a lot of fun. Yes. That's why I love going to Las Vegas. And I try to explain to Molly. She's like, what was? I was like, look at how much fun everyone's having here.

It's infectious. It's contagious. You know, certain things that you just go like, oh, yeah, everybody. And that, for me, going to that fishing lodge, being around. everybody. It's just energy that feeds me in some way. Yeah, I think after the year that we've had, I feel like that is just something we are craving. It's just being around a bunch of people we love who just are feeling joyful. You know, I had that observation. We had a friend who was doing a show for us, and it was called Flightless Bird, and he's a Kiwi, and he's confused by a lot of the

American things. So he does this whole episode on Disneyland and Disney adults, and it finishes, and I go, but obviously you went to Disneyland for this story, right? And he's like, no, I don't know. I go, We're not putting this fucking story until we go to Disneyland. So the four of us went to Disneyland. And it was on that trip. I realized like, oh, the reason Disneyland is the most incredible place on the planet, aside from the park, which is amazing, is it's the only place you'll ever go in your life for. Everyone that's there, all present, decided this was going to be a spectacular day.

The best day of their life. And there's really no place you can step into where that vibe is life. It goes to hell by 4 p.m. All the kids have gotten cranky. No one's having that. But, man, those first. four hours at Disneyland. It's like everyone here is optimistic

and is going to have the best day of their life. That's nice. Like a flight to Hawaii is like that too, right? Everybody, you know, like people have saved up and this is it. And they've got the whole week ahead. And there's that moment where you walk into the hotel and the other people are walking out and you look at them and you go, you poor bastard.

And then I think to myself at that moment I go, oh, I'm going to be that guy walking out. And then I am that guy walking out. And I see the people walking in and I'm like, God damn it. I'm going back to work. That's the one pleasure you were denied by growing up in Vegas. There's no starker difference between a flight to Vegas and a flight home. Oh, my God.

On Spirit Airlines from Detroit where your fucking ticket was 115. The ride there, everyone's drinking. I having a great time on the ride. I will tell you how I relate to it. How I relate to it is the drive home when the sun is coming up in Las Vegas, when you're headed home after a night, and you see people, like running. You're like, oh, I just feel like a piece of shit. Yeah. These people are up for the day. I haven't even gone to bed yet.

That was my number one grievance about being a cocaine addict is I was constantly coming home on San Vicente Volvard in Santa Monica and the whole town is running in the morning. And I'm like, I got to figure out how to go to sleep. And Saturday's gone. I'll see you guys Sunday evening. Well, I love you too so much. I'm so lucky. Thank you for letting me invite us here. This is so funny. You're welcome for coming on.

You don't even need a booker anymore. Just send out mildly text. Just check it on your friends and it'll show up. I got to figure out what Brad Pitt's doing more. So they're appropriate. Yeah, I love you, Molly and Jimmy. And I'm so grateful that we have you in our life. And thanks for coming in.

And everyone watched Jimmy come alive. And I don't know whatever thing you're going to host this year, I guess. All right, love you guys. Love you. You guys are the best. I sir hope there weren't any mistakes in that episode, but we'll find out when my mom, Mrs. Monica, comes in and tells us what was wrong. How was your MP dinner party? It was good.

It was good? Yeah. I made a new recipe. A new chicken item, right? Yeah. So I was listening to a New York Times, no, I'm sorry, a New Yorker podcast. Okay. It's called Critics at Large. I very much like it.

Uh-huh. And you don't like it very much. You very much like it. Correct, in that order. Yeah. And they are doing some series and they were talking about cult classics. And she was talking to a cook lady. Uh-huh.

Someone who knows cooking and they were talking about cult classics and they said she recommended this cookbook Zuni Cafe. Okay, what's Zuni Cafe? I guess it's a popular cafe. or was maybe in San Francisco. Okay. And there's a cookbook, and she was saying she made one of the recipes, a chicken, roast chicken with a bread salad. Bread salad.

So I ordered it? No, but like, I mean, you could call stuffing bread salad. Bread salad, classically, is called panzanella. Oh my gosh. You know so much about cooking. I do. I do. I know a lot.

I really do. I actually thought that the other day. Did you have a moment? You're like, man, I know a lot about cooking. Sure. I mean, this is what happens when you watch so many videos. You don't know you're learning. Yeah, yeah.

But then someone will say something and you'll know the answer. Can you remark that? Because I want to ask if you made a certain thing recently. Okay. Okay. So then it sounded so good to me. I couldn't get out of my head. I went to an actual bookstore.

They didn't have it. Really quick. Is the Zuni Cafe cookbook from like the 70s or something? Why is it a cold? A while ago. No, not that long, but like. But you're not sure what decade. Yeah.

Yeah. So then I ordered it. The cookbook. Yep. Came right away. You know, this is what's frustrating. I'm trying to support local biz. Uh-huh.

And like, they just don't have what I need. Yeah. That was the origin of Amazon was books. I know. You know that? That was what it originally was rare books. Well, the irony, you know, it's like I go into this weekend. I go into Barnes & Noble to.

for Zuni Cafe cookbook, because that's, that's at this point, a small business. Right. A small bookstore. Anyway, they didn't have it. Remember when Barnes & Nobles and Borders were around people are so mad about those? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Is it just the, it's just the nature of life evolving?

You know, one of my favorite movies of all time, you've got mail. Yeah. That's the whole premise of that movie is that basically Barnes & Noble comes in and takes over this little baby bookstore. Sounds so quaint now. I know. Yeah, yeah. You know, sometimes the villains become the victims.

And as unimaginable as it is, someday someone will take over Amazon. And they'll go, oh, remember Amazon. I wonder how old will be when that happens? Good question. Dead. Probably dead. Although the breakthrough is an anti-aging. Who knows, maybe that'll even be the reason Amazon is replaced.

Oh, you're right. Interesting. Wow, it's all tied together. Anyway, so I couldn't get that out of my head. So I was like, I'm going to make that. So I did. I made roast chicken. Now, this was a dry brine roast chicken.

That means it had to sit in the fridge for 24 hours beforehand. I'd really think things through. And then the bread salad had to change up some of the ingredients because I didn't have currants. So I had to use dried cranberries. And I used arugula instead of, I forget the other thing I was supposed to use lettuce-wise. But it was very good. I also made a peach and baratis. I feel so guilty, but I want to be really honest with you.

You don't know what currents are? No, I never do it. But you know when I talk about automotive stuff and I see, oh, God, she's gone. And you admit to it. Like you can only do, I don't even know, a sentence of automotive and then you're out to sea. And I went a little out to see for a second. Yeah, I just wanted to own it. Like, oh, okay, this is what it feels like.

Sure. I mean, okay. So I wonder. Maybe like the third ingredient or something. I was just like, I started thinking of my road trip to Florida and how it was a tropical storm. Wow. It doesn't make your mouth water when you're hearing like bread, salad and roast chicken and dry brine. No, especially not the dried brine. Even though I like, I think it's interesting. It's called a dry brine if you're doing chicken, but we call that a dry rub when you're doing steak, you know, us barbecuers. Yeah, sure. And brine for me really just sounds like seawater.

No. Well, it's salt. That is the point of it. That's just very interesting because when I hear people talking about food, I get like aroused. Same. If someone's talking about a new valve train system and an overhead cam that might have reduced. I already left friction and that it could revved in 9,000 RPMs. I'm like, what? 9,000 RPM. It's interesting. It's really interesting. It's the nature of interests, I think. Yeah. What about peach and tomato, heirloom tomato and barata? Does that sound nice? I mean, here's what things taste nice. And when I look at them, I'm very hungry for them. And I'm excited if I'm looking at it. But no, just thinking about a laundry. Because all you're doing is walking me through a grocery store right now, which is not stimulating for me. Well, I actually hate going to the grocery store. So I can't relate to that.

And I'm actually offended that you said what I did was that. But I feel like what you just said doesn't hold because the thought of those things, aren't you walking through the produce thing going, ooh, Oh, given the fact that just hearing the word tomato makes you excited, you said. Well, heirloom tomato peach and barata salad, the whole thing, not necessarily just one ingredient. What I don't like about the grocery store, one, it's freezing in there. I hate it. It's way. Way too cold.

My favorite part. By the way, I love the grocery store. I don't want to paint a picture. I especially love going to Kroger in Mount Julia, Tennessee because it's like the Kroger growing up for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because here grocery stores are in limited space. They do what they can. That's right.

But, man, you go into those Kroger's, you could have like seven, eight people all pushing carts in the aisle next to each other and they wouldn't be bumping at each other. And I get in there and I'm like, let's play. Okay. And it's acres of food. There's so much food. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. The other thing I don't like about it is that, like, it's too, if you're, it's too vast.

Like, there's too much to look at. I get, I don't know where anything is. Decision anxiety. I just don't know or anything. And then sometimes I feel like should I ask or I. And then nothing's made yet. So it's possibility. But it's not hopeful.

Like, you know, it's just the green bean. But it's not the made. It's not the cooked green bean. Unless they've got the bar. I don't like germ wise. That's not for me. What's our guy here? Lazy Ake.

Lazy Aker's. Yeah. They've got a medley of yummy. I went to DELTAEAXE and she got. the only she got so much mashed potatoes and I said can you get a little bit of green she got like one piece of broccoli good for her so anyway I was very happy with the dinner it was a great party menu okay party menu okay people were happy with it okay great did it was it a moyes chicken did it come on moyes that's really all I care about because of the dry brine because of that dry brines and you know what else I had to do

stuff garlic and time under the skin that was that was You had to separate the skin from the meat and slide it in there. I guess I don't know if I did that part right. Okay. But it tasted great. Oh, great. So. Well, I wish I would have had a bite.

Sounds delicious. I can make it for you. You do have to crank that oven to 500. Mm-hmm. Let's go. And, you know, your smoke alarm is going to go off as it did for me. It did. It did.

Even with my new circumstance. That means you've already had stuff drip at the bottom. It's just smoky because it's so hot. Are you sure there's nothing in there burn? I'm sure. Just the pain of smoking or something? No, it's just like it gets so hot. It gets so hot.

It's a lot going on. By the way, this is a crazy update. So I went for a walk. I'm trying to do a new thing where I walk after dinner. Wait. What? I'm trying to do that. Can we go together?

Sure, absolutely. I mean, the odds of us having eaten at the same time seem a little let's hope for the best. We can plan it? Yes, yes. Okay. Which if we're going to plan it, it means you're going to have to wait to the madness decides when they're eating.

That's fine. Okay, great. It'll give you a heads up. Yeah, yeah. I've been really, this has been a thing, but I'm scared by myself because the coyotes. Okay. And I just want to give the virtues of it.

And why it occurred to me. Now, I've already heard this, right? That exercise, 15 to 20 minutes of exercise after you eat really helps the spike in your insulin. Yes. And it's just not great to spike your insulin. So, um, your glucose, your insulin, whatever, both. And, uh, the other thing that happened was when we went to Europe, obviously, every time you eat when you're on vacation in Europe, you walk back to your hotel. It's my favorite part. It's the best part. And I, I went hog wild. Uh, you know, I ate like a mother fried. I ate as much as I could every time I ate. Me too. I was exercising in the gym,

but also just all the walking. The point is, is I came home a little lighter than I left, and I had eaten probably 1.5x what I normally, maybe even twice as much. Definitely, me too, and I didn't do any lifting. Okay, yeah, and you come home kind of, and I was like, it's not just the miles, because if I do walk the miles, I'm like,

it really is that I walk after every meal. If you have lunch, you then walk home from the lunch. So tried to do it in Nashville a bit. We were pretty hit or miss, but I did persuade often large groups, of people that were visiting to join me on these walks. And a lot of them are quite fun. Yeah.

So, anyway, I went for a walk two nights ago after I ate a particularly heavy meal. Uh-huh. Like, I got to do a zipper on the neighborhood. And I noticed that the entire street is cut up and that people can't park in front of their houses. And I said, Chris and I go, man, they just can't get the fucking sewage pipes right in this neighborhood. Because since we've been here, they've dug up the streets. It's like I want to say four or five times and always for sewer mains. They can't get the poop out of this neighborhood.

So I was like, here we go again, this fucking, these damn sewers. And then today I get a text from our sweet neighbor, Jay, it's like, hey, bro, someone in a dump truck just smashed into your fence, right? He texted you that? He saw it happen. Okay. And then you sent me a screen grab of someone saying, hey, Monica, we just bumped into Dex and Kristen's fence. don't worry, we'll fix it. And then you forwarded it to me.

And then I said to you, why did someone send that to you? Yeah. And you said, because it was, because it's Bill. It was me, basically. It was me who hit, not me, but my people who hit you. Right. And then come to find out all that street cutting up is you? Yes.

Did you have to pay for that? That's the power thing I told you about. Yes. Oh, my God. Monica, I am so sorry. It's horrifying. I'm so sorry. It's really bad.

What a bummer. Yeah, you're paying for a major, major construction project where they have cut up the street for like a quarter mile. We're digging a trench through Laughlin Park to get to Los Felas Boulevard. That's what's happening. Oh, boy. I guess here's a great place to air an enormous grievance with the city I do love. But my God, this has been a disaster. It should not.

We should not. There's a way to get. Okay, basically I only have 100 amps of power from my house. That's not going to do it. It is definitely not going to do it. As Bill said, he gave a great analogy, he said, you have a Ferrari running on a hamster wheel. Okay. You don't like that analogy.

What is not to like about that? Well, tell me, tell me why that's the same. Because I have a house that's this beautiful, nice. I thought he was going to say you have a Ferrari with a half car. gallon fuel tank. That kind of makes sense, which is basically you, you're not going to be able to fuel this vehicle. But now, for a, I like it's a huge hamster wheel. If the Ferrari fits on it. No, that's the whole point is it's not. It can't. Okay. It can't. Okay. I love Bill. It's a good analogy. Yeah. Okay. I don't do that about Bill. Okay. He's my dad. I'm really sorry. So, um, so. You know what is a great

analogy? You have a house that requires probably 250 amps and you only have 100 amps. That's a great analogy. That's just regular word. I just saying it doesn't even really require an analogy. Okay. So I have a hundred amps and I need more. And there's a much closer, easier way to get it. Should have been a not, this should have been a non-issue. And we went to the city. We said we need to do this. They said no. On what grounds? Exactly. Exactly. And so Bill was back and forth with them forever on this and just what do you mean? No. It's right. there. It's crazy. And they said no. And so we have to do this insane. I'm so sorry. Oh my God. Is this another mean thing about Bill? No. Okay, great. I kind of would want to sue the city.

Oh, I know. I do kind of. Well, wait until you hear that. Okay. Okay. So now we're doing this crazy construction. No, guys, it's like when I saw what was going, I thought, L-A-D-W-P, whatever water and power was was in charge of this. Well, he told me yesterday, he said, you know, he looked in, it's a trench. It's a huge open trench outside my house and other people's houses, unfortunately. And, you know, we have to close that all up. We have to do the whole thing. Yeah.

Anyway, he looked down and the city had added their own. Yes. On the shoulders of your dig? Oh, you got to. So he said, he said, he said. He's going to talk to them, obviously, and he's going to tell them if that is used by anyone else. We need to be compensated for that. So anyway, yes, I'm the one ruining the neighborhood.

I hate it. The email went out. You must have missed it. Email went out. And by Mike, who runs the neighborhood. Yeah, yeah. And he, you know, two emails. One, when this was starting to today, because.

literally a section today, I think maybe for another hour is completely blocked. Well, I ran into issues today dropping Delta at school coming back because of traffic going in the entrance and trying to come by your house to come to my house. And yeah, it was all completely blocked off. And then I had to go around down. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's just today. It's just for another hour.

But anyway, it's a disaster. And it sucks. I'm getting a lawyer over this. If they could have let you do it. I know. And then they threw their own pipe down. I know. It's bad.

It's really bad. Okay. Anyway, so, yeah, and it's hard. I hate being like this crazy inconvenience for everyone. Oh, I wouldn't be sweating that. I've been here for a long time. These roads have been dug up a bunch of times. But holy smokes.

I had no idea that was your project. Yeah. I'm so sorry. It's really, really wild. The amount of money to replace. place this, to run power to fucking Los Felis Boulevard, you could have gotten something absolutely elaborate or ornade and beautiful and whatever. More than, I mean, I go by another house, essentially.

Oh, man, dude, it's horrible. That really sucks. I'm sorry. It just, it extra, it's more of a justice thing than a money thing because I didn't, it didn't need to happen this way. Yeah. And it's. Did you consider? I'd have been like, cool.

of L.A. I'll be running a fucking diesel generator in my backyard to offset. My dad, of course, was like trying to figure out all these ways to get around it. To create your own power. Yeah. Be off grid. Ultimately, this is the way. And I'm going to have 400 amps. Was there, you're going to have what 400 amps? Oh, I put my welding shop in your backyard. Yeah, exactly. Was there any talk of doing like an insane amount of solar panels? Yes, there was talk about that. And then having a big bank of energy to pull from when the sun's down to Offset.

There was the generator. There was the solar panels. There was all of the things. Ultimately, none of that really made sense. And. Because in a weird way, I feel like with the amount of money you spent to go get power from Los Fills Boulevard, you could have become completely off grid.

I know. It's hard, though, because it's like, it's not as reliable. There was a million reasons. But it like, also very hard to get that from the city, too. You have to get all these permits to have solar. And I mean, I think so. Well, I think so because Bill Maher was famously complaining about that nonstop. Yes.

So anyway, listen. Hey. That's what's happening. I've ripped up the entire street. Uh-huh. It's not so scary I could fall in. Yeah. Anyway.

Okay. I have a question. Oh, great. Just what? I love answering questions. Now, this is a dirty question. Oh. Those are my favorite kind.

Now, when you hear the word cookie in regards to something sexual. Someone's pussy. Okay. That's what you hear, right? Yeah, that's what I hear people say. I've never referred to a vagina as a cookie. I don't like it personally. But I've heard people say their cookie.

Okay. Because I was with Jess, obviously. Yeah, for sure. I mean, obviously, the story includes him because he thought a cookie was a boob. Oh, he's so gay in this situation. He's really showing his gayness off. And he said, the chips are the ariola. Is the ariol?

Well, that wouldn't mean the aeros. It's how many ariol is, yeah. Also, the only cookie that would make sense is, you know those shortbread cookies with a Hershey kiss? Yes, 100%. That would work if that was the only kind of cookie that exists. I think that's the one he is thinking of in this scenario. Because chocolate chips, like, what, the areola is fragmented everywhere? Yes, splashed.

And I said, I said, no, my God, no. It's a vagina. Yeah, yeah. And then I was like, wait, then I started to get in my head, is it? Because he felt pretty strongly that it was a boob. And he kept to say, no, it's a boob. Why wouldn't it then be called cookies? Listen, I know.

Yeah, yeah. I gave a lot of reasons why there's no way it was. But then I got in my head. And then when we looked it up, there really wasn't like that much corroboration on either one. And then someone said, but. Okay. Well, someone might call their butt their cookie.

Yeah, they might. But like that's kind of cute. Like if you're into butt stuff and you're like, show me your cookie. He was in my cookie. That's kind of, it's a cute way to. I mean, it definitely destigmatizes it. I know, but it's too cute.

Cookie boy. Cookie boys are into anal. That's a lot of boys, I think. A lot of boys are cookie boys. Anyway, I agree that I thought it was a vagina. Yeah. And I'm glad to hear that was your first thought too. Rob?

Yeah. Oh, he has a question mark. Rob has this. He's such as patented, yeah. Yeah, it's very specific. You know what it means. Like, I could be blindfold. Like, they do this thing to the 4 million drivers.

It's so impressive. They play audio of just engine noise with the car. And they say, what track are you at? And they can tell within like 12 seconds. Oh, turn six, going into turn eight at Silverstone. It's like a sommelier. Yes, yes. And when I could hear a symphony of noise.

And if I heard that, yeah, I would say, that's Rob's maybe. Yeah. That's 100%. That's right. Kind of wanting to agree. not knowing that if he agrees. It's the people pleaser in him. Yeah.

Yeah. So what did you think it was maybe? A boob? No, I mean, it's a thing you eat. Well, obviously. Why, he took a real sexy direction. He's such a rascal back there. I guess it could be either one then.

Are your pants on back there? I just don't normally associate it with vagina. Yeah. Okay, well, right. It's not my go-to when I hear cookie. Would you be more inclined to say it was a butt? No, I mean, I would say vagina if it's what, body part. If those are the, if you had to pick one.

ABC. Yeah. Multiple choice. Anyway, okay, well, weigh in listeners if you want. If anyone has ever thought it was a boob. Stop. Just stop. Yeah. Yeah, don't do that. Don't do that. You think it's a boob, stop thinking it's a boob. Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare. Also, Okay. Speaking of, God, I hate to do this to her because it's just so, she's so sweet and nice. Okay. But this is for Jimmy and Molly. Oh, okay, yeah.

And we could have been a little cleaner. Well, not. I mean, she said in their meat cute story, which was so cute, you know, in the writer's room, they had just, they were going around and saying their five favorite food. And one of hers was chocolate chip cookie. Mine too, by the way. Yeah. The actual food. Yeah, right.

Yeah. Chocolate cookie, does that mean brown girl vagina? I mean it does. Chocolate chip. Chocolate chip. I know I left chip out because then. And there's always a chocolate cookie. Oreo cookies are chocolate cookies, but then they just have white on the inside.

Okay, let's move on. Let's move on. I don't respect for the Kimmel's. Okay. Well, listen. Has Oreo ever made a pink filling cooking? They have a bazillion flavors back to Kroger. Oh, actually. Yeah. One of my great joys is, when we're, summertime is Oreo time for us. Yeah, I love it. It's Dairy Queen and Oreo time. And basically each night is either like, are we doing Oreos or are we doing Dairy Queen? So I was, I found myself at Kroger's loading up on Oreos. And by God, are there a lot of flavors now?

I know. I used to be very partial to. the spring one. It was before they had all these different kinds. It was like one of their first and it was like kind of like blueish green. Like a minty color. A mint frat. Like a refreshing cookie.

Yeah, but it's like it's a same taste. Like before you kiss somebody quickly have one of these cookies. It wasn't mint flavor. It was just mint color. Oh, okay. Anyway, yeah, they probably do. For Valentine's Day, they probably have pink inside. Oh.

See? Strawberry Oreos. Brown girl cookie. Cookie. Brown girl. Fucking looks great. It's a little. Yeah.

If Oreo doesn't sponsor us after this, I don't know what they're doing. I don't they need to. Like, right? Well, I don't know. It's like the Savannah bananas. I learned this weekend that they've never spent a dollar on marketing.

I know. They don't need to. They don't. They put on such a good show that they don't need any marketing. And their wait list is five years. Yeah. It's crazy. Five million tickets on the wait list.

So cool. But I wanted to ask you what your five, what your. your five foods are. Okay. And I'll just caveat. I can't eat these foods, but these are my five. Okay.

The Tropicalia chicken with the super garlic-e chimichura. That meal with the with the with the, also the farlofa, the ground Brazilian flour thing. Right. It's like a little bit of crunchy. I called it the churry. The slurry or the, uh, yeah, the slurry. It's gone now. That place is closed.

It's gone. And I couldn't eat it anymore. The last few years it was there because of the garlic setch. Um, then I, I would probably have to say my spaghetti. I know that's arrogant, but my own spaghetti. Macaroni and cheese craft. Two packets of cheese.

My mom's meatballs that she makes for me for my birthday. Yeah. And then maybe she did on a shingles slash doceejo's slash hanky-pankies. Wow. Okay. They get called different names all over the place. but half spicy Jimmy Dean sausage, half ground beef, high fat, everything, whole block of velvita cheese mixed all together,

garlic salt on the little tiny rye hors d'oeuvres. Yeah. Put in the oven. Yikes. So good. Your five, go. Wow, you really rattled them like she rattled him. I'm not that good at that.

I don't think I'm there. Okay. Could you put a couple on the list? I mean, hers were kind of like good because they were, they were not specific. It wasn't like this burger from this restaurant because that really requires a lot for me. So I have to, you know. So I think I'll do more her style, which would be like a Bolognaise. A, uh, a.

Pizza. I know. No, probably if I had to choose, like I'm going Bolognaise, bean and cheese. burrito probably are you fucking kidding me right now get out of you I love being and cheese burritos oh wow are you upset because you don't know me like is that what you're learning no I'm about to make a criticism that would also expose me as being a big hypocrite because really macaroni and cheese is it it's a noodles and cheese but it's just like bean and what did you say so I mean come on you're good being and

cheese burritos. They're good. We used to get them. Remember from that place? I'd also closed, I think. Remember, we used to order them a lot. Oh, yeah. It was like a truck inside of a store on sunset called like Cali burritos or something.

Yeah, it was so good. So good. Not as good as California Baja California tacos. Do they have a bean and cheese burrito? I haven't had it because they have hard shell tacos. Right. Anytime there's hard shell tacos. So you're, you want to act.

You need to replace. I might have to swap something out. See? Yeah. See, it's hard. But anyway, I'm going bolognaise. Peanut cheese verita. White slice of bread.

I'm going banana. And I'm going white rice. No, this is. Okay, because hers were crab claws. Crab craws? I wrote it down. What did she say? She said, yeah, it's a, okay, it's if you could only have five foods for the rest of your life.

I left off rabbi. Go ahead. See? Okay, if you'd only have five foods for the rest of your life. So it's not just like your last meal. Right. It's you're on an island. You're going to have these five items to choose from.

You better love them. Okay, hers was pizza, noki, crab claws, BLT chocolate chip cookies. Great list, I think. BLT is great. BLT is great. When you get the perfect BLT. I'm actually really proud of myself for putting bean and cheese burrito on my list. I'm really proud of myself.

Okay. Listen. Okay. Bole days. Yes. Bean and cheese burrito. I'm also going chocolate chip cookie. Okay.

I'm going soft hot. I'm going. You have two left. No. Berg, cheeseburger. What am I talking about? Of course, cheeseburger. Cheeseburger.

Oh, I love cheeseburger. And by the way, I love so many of them. Like when I'm saying, that's a little bit my issue with the bean and cheese burrito. It's like, they. They can be fantastic. They can also be microwave and taste like a fucking shoe sole. Oh, you've never had a bad one? Bean and cheese?

That's like saying, I've never had bad pizza. That makes sense. Yeah, it's like. But I can name like 65 places I like to eat the hamburger. You know, so dependable, probably the most dependable offering out there. Okay, well, that's four. And I reserve the right to add the fifth later on. Okay, yeah, sleep on it.

But wow, you really went fast and you messed up. So just. Yeah. Haste makes waste. I stand by the first five though Well you only have five I know Okay well if I was like even when I said

Cheeseburger I can't then think of one of the five I mentioned that I'm going to replace with Really? I'm not going to remember my spaghetti Yeah I'm not getting rid of hanky-panky shit on a shingle dosy dose okay I'm not getting Macquarie cheese craft macarine cheese I'm never getting rid of you're not These aren't necessarily pizza I'm never getting rid of I don't think you said

I did. Oh, you did? Okay. I hope. That's number one. No, you said, you said your mom's meatballs. Yeah, mom's spaghetti, throwing up mom's spaghetti. Said mom's meatballs, your bolognaise, macaroni and cheese. Chicken, garlic chicken thing? Oh, from Topicalee, but I said it can't eat it.

Yeah, but you said it. It was number one, though. It was number one. Oh, this was if I can't eat it. Yeah. Yeah, and the macaroni. What of my. And the macaroni.

I'm all scrambled. Okay. You want. You made mistakes. I made a mess of it. I need you to just think about it because, you know, maybe for your birthday, somebody can make all your items. Yeah.

Because no one's going to have meat cute with you since you're already married, so it has to be for your birthday. Yeah, and then I'm just asking my wife to make me these five elaborate meals. Well, we can all do it. Oh, everyone in the pod. Yeah. That would be great. If I ever get a terminal diagnosis, I will do that.

Speaking of. Hold that. Hold on. Ding, wait. It's too good of a ding, ding, ding. Okay, okay. I have to. Put a pin earmark.

The other, one of the other facts is just holding a sneeze caused death of brain cells. Is that what Molly thought might happen? Yes. Okay. It doesn't. Yeah. It doesn't. No.

But what does happen is it traps high pressure air inside your body. It increases your airway pressure up to 24 times normal levels, which can damage your ears, blood vessels, or throat. Yeah, everything in the system. Are any of the facts that you get to that you just look at and you go, yeah, no. But you don't even look it up. Like for that one, I would just gone, it doesn't damage your brain. Let's next one. No, I have integrity.

My God, because I don't think I know everything. What if someone says water boils at 208? Well, I'd be like, what if in some circumstances it does? I'm going to look. Well, at certain elevations that could be. See? Okay, sorry. What if someone says water on earth boils at 100 degrees?

degrees Fahrenheit. You know, nope, don't need to look that up. I'll be like, what? You just go, no, you'll check. Oh, wow, okay. That's why, that's why I'm good at this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going to know it all. I do think I could be wrong about anything. Yeah, any of us could, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Not for me when water boils or freezes. Like there's some, there's some.

Like, I guess if someone said this isn't blue, well, that's very subjective. there's no such thing as blue. Oh, let's not do that. But there isn't. That's how our three cones combine those wavelengths. So it's not objectively blue. But anyways.

Okay. What is your earmark? Savannah bananas. Okay. Yeah, I want to tell you this story. Right. Because it was such a wonderful time. And it's going to involve a brag, but I hope you'll be happy for me.

Okay. So, okay, so we go to the Savannah bananas game in Denver, Colorado. and we bring Erica and Ace and Wilder, our friends. Some friends. And the two little boys play baseball. Yes. Not only did the two little boys play baseball. One of the little boys also is the most incredible street dancer you've ever seen, right?

His whole life is baseball and hip-hop dancing. Yeah. And he's incredible. He is. And he will not dance for any of us. We just get to see the clips occasionally on Instagram. So we all have to go to the Colorado Rockies. arena, a stadium, so that Kristen can learn the song and the dance routine in the whole nine yards.

So we've got a couple of hours hanging on the baseball field. It's so neat. It is. It's such a special feeling to be able to, because you've just looked at it your whole life. So anytime you get to be out there on it, it just always feels neat. Yeah. I'm playing with the catch with the girls, my daughters. And Aeson, Wilder, and having a good time.

And then a guy comes up on the players and he's got this sweet mustache. and a mullet. He looks just like Dana McBride and... Oh, amazing. Yes, he looks awesome. Yeah. I immediately like him as he's walking up.

And he's smiling really big and he's just like, man, I was just, I grew up on without a paddle and Zithura. And he just starts, employee of the month's my favorite mind. He starts doing lines to me. And I'm like, oh, this is so lovely. Yeah.

Right? And then another guy comes up and another guy and Monica, if I didn't have video evidence of this, I wouldn't expect you to believe me. But for the full two hours, were there while she was rehearsing. I had an enormous group of these young dudes around me that wanted to meet me. Okay. You had their ears. And they all had these favorite lines and stuff from things I did. It's been a very long time since something like this happened. It was so

funny that like all everyone on Kristen's team like hair and makeup and then on everyone was like what's happening with tax? The whole stadiums over in the, they were filming it. Lincoln was laughing so hard. She's like, why is dad so popular here right now? It was such a, I got celebrated in a way I never have. And it was so fun. I loved every one of these guys. They were so fun to talk to. It was a sweet, sweet two hours. Now, did you plug this show? Did you say, you know, you guys, if you love me? I'll tell you one thing, that was quite special. So of the 40 plus dudes that came up and I talked with and took pictures within the whole nine, only one guy came up. He was taller than me. He came up to me and he said, I just want you to know that I've been an arm cherry for six years.

And all the other guys, I shook their hands and stuff. I immediately grabbed this boy. And I hugged him for so long. And it was such a connected, beautiful hug. And then when I let go, he goes, oh, man, I really needed that. Thank you. I was like, yeah, that's a fucking arm cherry right there. Listen, how old is he?

I think he was 30. And was he cute? extremely. I also think he, most of those guys were married. Most of the guys that was meeting were, I'd say the majority of them all had wives, and the majority of them had all gotten married around 23. I kept asking like what age they. So how much longer do you think he'll be married?

Like a year or two? This guy, Monica, would be such a catch for you. D.M. Bro, who I hug, he's so handsome and tall. Oh my God. If you hear this, please on this episode, comment, it was me so that I, can follow you and figure all this out. He is such a fucking babe. But do they travel like nonstop? Yeah, but it would be great for you. Yes, yes. Yes. I think they play 60 games a year. Wow. I think they travel from like February, March, all the way to October. Okay.

And so again, it was like, it was fun because I'm getting to have like, I'm like, God, you guys are like, you know, you're two thirds of the way through. You've been on the road for a long. You're like, you're in the hotels and are like, how's that going? It was very like, it was such a blast. That's so fun. And then, of course, watching. Watching Kristen do that thing. So fun. Was she's done a lot of impressive things over the years. Uh-huh. But this one is just showing up and in a pretty quick time learning that whole thing and all the choreography and the jump and do the fucking.

And I had the dirty dancing moment. Yeah. You saw it right where they hoisted her up in the air. I think it's among the most impressive little sequences she's ever had. That's great. And so we were just, we were in the suite that they let us be in. And we're cheering like fucking crazy. And I just, it ends and it's so impressive.

And I said to the girls, like, can you fucking believe that woman's your mom? That's nice. You know, no one's impressed with her mom. Your mom's your mom. Your mom's your dad. Your mom's your dad's your mom. And they both were like, no. Like they really had a little moment.

And it was so sweet. That's very sweet. It was lovely. Now, another thing that's impressive, karate. You said, what do they have in karate, their own mat? They don't really have their own mat. I asked if in karate they have their own mat. Yeah, it was part of a bigger thing.

Molly said it was a joke about karate. Okay. And then owning her own karate studio. And then you said, yeah, you'd just get it because you want your own mat or whatever they have in karate. Oh, okay. And they don't. It sounds like I was all over the map in this episode. Well, they don't have their own mats, but they use specialized training surfaces called to Tommy mats or interlocking foam tiles, typically one inch thick, rather than personal individual mats.

That makes sense. So it's kind of one big area. Yeah. Yeah, they're going to fall and they need a lot of space for that. Oh, one thing I wanted to bring up, I'm reading a book. I have an advanced copy. Oh. Fun.

Yeah. Of a book called Switzy. It's by Emma Klein, who wrote. the girls and I think the guest, a very popular author and this new book coming out has a lot of like buzz around it. I'm about 100 pages in. It's very good. But I have to keep putting it down because the protagonist, I feel fine saying this, has dementia. Okay. And you're in his brain. Oh, wow. And it is intense. But it's also very, it's like very funny. Like it's written, with humor, but it sometimes I'm like, oh, my God. Yeah, it's scary. Using your, losing your

faculties is quite scary. And in the book at one point, he goes and takes this cognitive test as part of a physical. And they ask him to remember these three words. And like they write them out. And then he can't remember them basically. Yeah. And basic, like, since I read that, every 20 minutes, I'm trying to remember those words. You read in the book. Yes. Now it's become a test for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think it's Rose Apple chair, Rose Chair Apple. I'm pretty sure. Okay. But it's now like I'm getting kind of OCD about it. OCDP. No, OCD. No, I don't know. I'm getting weird about it.

No, it kind of is OCD because, again, OCD is you think you have. or are something that is not in alignment with your morals and your, yeah. So you don't have dementia. That's just a fact. We're in a freaking Alzheimer's study and we know for sure you don't. We didn't take the last car. Yeah.

So you don't have dementia. But yeah, you think you do. I think that's just hypochondria. I don't. Okay. Hold. I don't think I do. Oh, okay.

You just want to make sure you don't. Yes, exactly. I'm just fearful of it. I'm not. I don't. I'm not walking around thinking I have it. I just am like, oh my God, like that's scary. And I got a key.

If I don't remember it, what does that mean? Yeah. Can I say one thing to end the saying of Savannah bananas thing? What I'm saying is thank you guys. That was so sweet. It made me so happy. The boys. Yeah.

Yeah. I just want to say thank you. Yeah. Okay. So back to the. Well, did it make you miss being like, like in in things? No, it just at times I'm like, was I in things? Right. You know, did anyone see those? Were they for anything? I grew up in an era where you repeated all the lines from Fletch and the

lines from all these movies. That was the culture. And then all the lines from wedding crashers and all the lines from the Will Ferrell movies. And it's just like, I did this for a long time and I don't feel like I really had that thing. And then I had a little experience with it. So it just felt like, oh, it did happen. It was one of those. It was one of those. Yeah, that really happened. And people really saw that stuff and they liked it and they remembered stuff from it. And it was sweet. That's great.

So they gave me a very nice gift. Good. Back to the cognitive thing. Yeah, this is the scariest thing. And as you remember, like, I have never cried from an injury. Like when I went over the handlebars of the motorcycle, it's like nearly every bone above my hips was broken and I don't care. But the moment in my loop from the concussion when I recognized that I had been on a three minute loop for hours. was the scaredest I've ever been on planet Earth.

I know, I know. I had just enough cognition to go, holy fuck, the rest of my life might be in a three-minute loop. I can't do anything. It's so bad. And it is, it's so hard to see people you love, have dementia.

Like my grandfather had it, and he was so brilliant. And then to see, like, someone's brain who worked over time, like worked at a capacity, none of the rest of us did to like can't get to like peeing on the floor. I'm going to be honest with you. So I know someone who seems to have a little bit of light it in a little light version.

Like I'm just noticing some stuff right. And it so goes against my stupid stereotype that I shouldn't have. And it's kind of what you're saying about your grandfather. It's like, I thought if you used your brain really intensely, which this person did for sure that that would safeguard you from that. And I'm seeing that it hasn't. And I hate it. Yeah, I don't like it. They do say that like crosswords help. They do say dry brine chicken helps. They do say cooking and repeating the things you've made. And three words from the book. Yeah. Rose chair, apple.

It's wild to think like, and it's just gratitude, like, every day, that your brain is working, that your body is working. It's, it's, it can go quite quickly. Yeah. So, you know, I'm such a David Sedaris fan that, like, I couldn't wait to watch our own episode with him. Like, I just wanted to stare at his face a little bit. Yeah. And we got into that. We had had that whole section about him getting his haircut.

And I asked him on the road, you know, these barber, you know, how do you choose a barber? And then come to find out he doesn't care at all who cuts his hair. He said he made that very clear. And I never mentioned in that episode that I cut hair. Oh, yeah. So you know that I'm going to be assisting him at his book reading the next time he's here in Pasadena. And I text him yesterday and said, would you like a haircut before the show? And he said, I would love one.

So now I'm going to cut his hair before the show and then be his. Whoa, hold on. My brain is exploding because do you don't even know, I'm sure you don't remember, that that's a crazy ding, ding, ding. Sim, we talk about you cutting hair in this episode with Jimmy and Molly. Oh, we do? Oh. But I just need to tell you, I cannot wait to cut his hair.

Are you going to practice beforehand? I don't need to practice. I mean, he's your hero. It's like... No, but I cut my own hair It's way harder to cut my own hair And it's long and there's layers We're so different, me and you.

Here we are. Yeah, that's kind of what makes the show show. That's all it shows. No, I can't wait. It's a very intimate thing to cut someone's hair. I know. It's like a very nice,

they're trusting you. You have sharp scissors. Yes. It's a lovely thing to share with somebody. I can see why hairstyle is like being hairstylist. It's an intimate activity. And the person sits there like, They sit real still and then, you know, you're playing with their hair.

You have full control. Yeah. And just, yeah, they're trusting you quite a bit. And they sit like they're behaving, right? They sit real still. And you're like, you're, you're just combing their hair and grabbing. I don't know. It's, I'm so excited to be able to play with David's hair and cut it.

Now, this brings me to something because you, you're saying it's intimate, which you're right. I've never thought about that, but it is. I think that's why people tell their barber so much stuff is it's like, already a forced intimate situation. Totally. But also, you know, you reiterated in this episode, but you've said it many times. You'll only cut someone's hair once. I'll cut his as many times as.

No. Well, Monica, I'd cut my kids hair as much as they wanted to. Kristen's hair, Aaron's hair, your hair. Oh, there's exceptions? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know. Okay. Okay.

This is more like I know people, they find out, like, again, that whole scenario is people finding out I cut hair. or me wanting to show them I know how. Right. You guys already all know that. We do that. There's nothing about that. Okay.

That makes me feel a little bit. Like when I cut your hair, you already know I can cut hair. Yeah, I do. But okay, but I was, the point I was trying to make

is you only do it once. And then maybe that's kind of like when you used to have sex with people. One night stands. Yeah. And I just wanted to impress them and get their approval. Yes. And then on the next for sure.

That's what I'm owning up to in that, in the conversation with Molly and Jimmy. I know this is a gross part of me, but I'm trying to be open and honest about it. It's vomitous. But it's better than... I want them to be impressed with me. And then once I have that, I don't want... There's nothing in it for me again.

No. Well, okay, that's a mean way to look at it. That's one bad thing to say about it. But it could also be that you're afraid that if you do it again, the thing they thought was so great, well, it won't be as great. That's not my fear. At that point, I was trying to give you one out. Thank you.

My fear at that point is like, I don't have space for clients. I don't. I can't have like seven people. And then buy, bye, bye. Listen, I was telling you, it got worn out with all my friends in my 20s when I was broke. And what got weird is like, I cut Tim's hair. Every haircut Tim Lovsted had for 10 years I gave him.

I cut Scotty's hair. These guys didn't go to a barber for years. And then all of a sudden, I had like money and I was busy. And of course, they still wanted me to cut their hair. And I still did. But I was also like, I got to be careful how many more clients I pick up. I don't have time to cut everyone's hair. People need their hair cut all the time, Monica, especially if they have short hair.

Well, that, yeah, I don't know about that. Yeah, you wouldn't know about that. You can probably do it once every six months. I do like twice here. Yeah. Wow. Okay. All right.

This is fun. Yeah. I love you.