Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Kristen Bell, by the grace of God, returns

Episode Date: August 14, 2023

Kristen Bell is an actor, singer, philanthropist, and producer. Kristen joins the Armchair Expert to discuss her career in the tabloids, how you need thick skin to be a parent, and going to channel two. Kristen and Dax talk about what they Google, her Bart Simpson laugh, and give an update on how much they each cry. Kristen explains what happened to them at the Boston airport, what being kind to people means, and how she responds to negative feedback. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Rather. I'm joined by the Duchess of Duluth. Hi there. For anyone who's forgotten our real names in the last two years of not being on other platforms, of course still living proudly free on Spotify, but also available everywhere now as of today. So I'm really Dax Shepard and you're really Monica Lily Padman. That's right. Yeah. Could have forgot in the last few years. I almost forgot.

Yeah. Sometimes I do too. A name I bet you won't forget. And there's a beautiful symmetry. We talk about it, which was our very first guest over five and a half years ago was the lovely Kristen Annie Bell. That's right. And she's back today for our rejoining of all the other platforms.

Yes. We got her back. We scored her. Very appropriate. Very. Very, very appropriate. Sim. Sim, Sim, Duck, Duck, Goose.

Ding, ding, ding. Oh, my God. If you haven't listened for the last two years, you don't know all the inside code words. If you haven't listened for the last two years and you remember us, you can go on to Spotify for free still. You can learn all the inside. Duck, duck, gooses, the sim, the ding, ding, dings. We've had a pretty fucking amazing two years with some awesome guests. We certainly, certainly have.

Without further ado, please enjoy my lovely bride, Kristen Bell. Trip Planner by Expedia. You were made to have strong opinions about sand. We were made to help you and your friends find a place on a beach with a pool and a marina and a waterfall and a soaking tub. Expedia, made to travel.

Order up for Damien. Hey, how did your doctor's appointment go, by the way? Did you ask about Rebelsis? Actually, I'm seeing my doctor later today. Did you say Rebelsis? My dad's been talking about Rebelsis. Rebelsis? Really? Yeah, he says it's a pill that...

That's right! Did you know it's also covered by most private insurance plans? Well, I'll definitely be asking my doctor if Rebelsis is right for me. Rebelsis. Ask your doctor or visit Rebelsis.ca. Order up for Rebelsys. You have cute makeup on and high glasses. Well, you had gotten a pretty powerful facial a couple days ago. I did.

And you came up to say hi to Tig. And I was red and I like to get it out of the way real quick. Like, I know I look like a cherry tomato. And she said, I would never have noticed. Which led to a funny conversation. It is not her politeness. It is because her eyes are broken. And then I don't know my explanation, but I often miss some key things that I'm embarrassed to have missed.

Well, I appreciate that because if I come home piping red or have any other, I don't know, hairs growing out of my face, I appreciate that you're not clocking that. It's just the worry that you do need your partner to be somewhat observant. Perhaps there was something I didn't want. We're at a dinner party and I've got a booger hanging out of my nose. I need you to be there. Big piece of spinach in your teeth.

Sure. Or like blood falling out of your eyes. Sure, if I'm bleeding from the face, I'd love you to be aware. Facial bleeding. Look, as much of a bombshell as you are, and you are, you're such a hottie and you're only getting hotter and hotter,

which is incredible. Appreciate you. That's not what, you're such a hottie, and you're only getting hotter and hotter, which is incredible. I appreciate you. That's not what I bought. I signed up. What'd you buy? I signed up for the personality. Yeah. I really did.

You're a party to live with, and your ability to mimic and make me laugh is what I signed up for. And your good motherness, too. The hotness has just been a bonus, and you've been keeping it tight as fuck. Thank you. I did work out this morning with our daughter we went down into the gym delta yep she vacillates between actually working out like doing some bicep curls and then just getting and i don't blame her captivated with her reflection when a particularly strongly emotioned song is on and then she'll just start mouthing it like she's in

her own music video and staring at the mirror for the other two minutes which is i think sweet so we did a little bit of a workout together yeah well two mornings ago i hear music blasting outside it's like going through the deck sonos it's loud and look outside delta's out there doing bicep curls with the music cranked and i was like i feel like i'm living with a 15-year-old high school boy from Michigan. Do you know why she did that? Why? Because the last couple days, she has watched a lot of TV. And she said, Mommy, my brain and my body don't feel good. And I said, well, of course not. You have watched six hours of television today. It's your summer break,

so that's what you should be doing. But this isn't a mystery to me why you feel sluggish and gross. And she was like, okay, I'm going to change that tomorrow. She hit the ground running. She bounded down when I was making breakfast in a workout uniform. Oh, my God. And she went outside, listened to the Barbie soundtrack, grabbed her three-pound weights, and had terrible form, but lifted. She's doing her best.

The form wasn't great. I looked out there and I thought, probably doing more damage than any good. But also she's so limber and young that she can afford to stretch some things out. And then didn't the other day she say something that you overheard where she told me I had a really nice frame?

She was complimenting you, yeah, on your physique, which is rare. Then I'll get a compliment from my kids? Either of us. I always say it's like you and I have agreed to be on one of these makeover shows, and every morning when we walk out of our bedroom, the judges start evaluating how good the makeover was. Yeah, and it's never good.

No. No. I'll watch them come up to Kristen and just grab a side of her stomach and just start tugging on it. Oh, my God. Or God forbid I'm changing my top and they will run from across the house because they're still like right below my breastplate

and they'll just take their hands and just jiggle up and down my... They are so entitled to your breasts. They had a name for them for a while. What were they called? They did give them a funny name. It wasn't flattering that's what they don't tell you about being a parent is that you got to get a thick skin because they're

gonna let it rip on you wait speaking of kids gloves and your skincare remember when you got that facial but they accidentally gave you lidocaine you're allergic is it lidocaine yeah because it's one of those ones that's like a microneedle, but it has an, I'm not a doctor, but like an ultrasonic pulse or something at the bottom of it. So it just is all around good for rejuvenation. And they're like, oh, you'll be red for probably 24 hours. I'm like, great. That's the kind of thing I like. But they injected, this is like a nerve blocker or lidocaine or something.

It was just like a numbing, like so it won't pinch your skin when I'm doing it. I was like, great, let's try it. And I had a lion's brow for 10 days yeah it was pronounced you look a little bit like a neanderthal which i love of course i did what monica and i remembered was i looked like the beast from that show beauty and the beast that was on in the 80s where the Beast lived in the sewer and it was Linda... Cardellini. No. Vandalisa. No.

Evangelista. That was close. No. From the Terminator movies. Oh, Hamilton. Linda Hamilton. I think it was Linda Hamilton. Yeah, that sounds right.

And the Beast and That's What I Look Like. And that's when Delta said to me, how do I know you're really my mommy and not a zombie wearing my mommy's face? She was like crying. She was really worried. I never did it again. That's not the only time that happened to Delta, though.

Because remember, I took her to Michigan on my own when she was three. And my beard was really long on that trip to the point where I was like, this thing's got to go. It was one of those feelings where like it was like an itchy sweater. And I had to get it off now yes and so i went into meyer thrifty acres and bought a battery-powered beard trimmer then went in the parking lot and shaved it all off while she was sitting in the car just letting the fucking whiskers go all over the parking lot and then i got back in the car and i turned to her as soon as she was in a car. She was in the back seat and I turned around. And I go, okay, you ready to go?

And she goes, you don't look like my daddy. And I was like, oh, honey. That's the saddest story I've ever heard. It fucking broke my heart. I'm like, oh my God, I was so reckless. I should have brought it down in stages. Kept coming back in the car. There was guards. I could have done that.

Or just let her know I'm going to shave this because she did go through a long phase. I don't think I was keeping the fact that we were at Meyers for a beard trimmer so I could have done that. Or just let her know I'm going to shave this because she did go through a long phase. I don't think I was keeping the fact that we were at Meyers for a beard trimmer so I could shave. I just think even though she knew that was happening, I didn't look like me all of a sudden. Yeah, but she went through a phase where she was pretty preoccupied with the fact that we were zombies living in our parents' den. So I don't know who's to blame in this. Yeah, who instigated this situation because she used to ask me that question all the time. How do I really know you're my mom? You don't know who's to blame in this. Yeah, who instigated this situation. Because she used to ask me that question all the time. How do I really know you're my mom?

You don't. I was like, I don't know, man. I don't know. I don't know what to tell you. Well, listen, we can't talk about your esteemed acting career. It's just a shame because it's so good. And naturally, we would have done that a little bit. But it's kind of old news.

I haven't done any of that work in a long, long time. Yeah, yeah. You went on strike a couple years ago. Yeah, you're on your own strike. You disagreed with the contracts a couple years ago, I think. But I thought

a career of yours we could go through, and I'm lucky enough to be involved in some of it, is maybe your career in the tabloids. Oh. Where the fuck

did my piece of paper go? Are you going to call this episode Kristen Bell overstays her welcome? No. No. I think you should. We're going to say Kristen Bell piece of paper are you gonna call this episode kristen bell overstays her welcome no i think you should we're gonna say kristen bell by the grace of god return no no no let's start there yeah we're starting it's not necessary hold on no it is this is intentional we are now back wide yeah back on every platform still free on spot. Today is our first day. Exactly. We're toe-touching.

We're spread eagle. And you are our first guest on our first episode. inaugural episode. We're our inaugural guest. And we thought it would be, for a lot of reasons, perfect to have you back for our first episode wide. Not to mention, you're on everyone's top five favorite guests. Oh, always. Always.

Most listened to episodes always i credit you enormously for this even launching when it did i don't think without you as that explosion of interest at the beginning anyone would have even found it so this is very appropriate and i want to pull the curtain back oh yesterday ioh. Yesterday, I texted Kristen and said, hey, can you please help us and come on the show, basically. And I said, but I get if you're busy or you don't want to. You were very kind in the way that you asked and very responsible. Don't want to pressure you. I don't want to pressure you.

You don't have to do this. You have a life. But if you'd like to, we'd love to have you. Yeah. And also, we need you. Please help. Please help. Help! Help! Help! And then you said, well, of course, I will do. Please help. Please help. Help!

Help! And then you said, well, of course, I will do whatever you guys want. Always, anything. But I'm just so bad at it. And I got so angry at that text. I yelled at her yesterday, too. I'm glad you were upset as well. I let you have it, didn't I?

Listen, this truly isn't compliment fishing. And I love how much you guys love me. There's no relationships i value more i just don't necessarily feel like i have a lot to say that is of value i have a lot to do that is of value but where i prioritize myself it's not talking we are because i'm a runaway train you're're linear. You can tell a story. So can you. Yes. You're a great storyteller.

This is a false narrative in your head. And we're here to, this is an intervention. I'm getting mad at it. Even Bobby Watt's going to have some things to say. How has her denial of her talent affected you, Rob? I bet in many ways. It's all horseshit. You're an incredible talk show guest. Those are planned.

I know what I'm going to talk about. Hold on. Your very best talk show appearances in your career as a talk show guest were always are planned. I know what I'm going to talk about. Hold on. Your very best talk show appearances in your career as a talk show guest were always with. Okay, I'll give you that. Who were they with? Craig Ferguson. And were those planned? No, those were zero planned because he does not plan. Because the way those talk shows work is you talk to the segment producer. You say, what's been going on in your life? What areas would you like to talk about? Do you have any cute stories? You both suggest things. And then the talk show host gets some cue cards on their desk so they have prompts like oh tell me about your

vacation and the start of every single craig ferguson show he looks at the audience he rips his cards up throws him over his shoulder and he just throws shit to the wind and decides what he's gonna do and that yielded a lot of results oh my god they were incredible i think i did that show like 18 times or something because they just kept calling like someone fell out on Tuesday. Can you come in? And I'd be like, sure. But that was at a time when I think my confidence in that arena was higher. And now I feel like I'm so in mom mode that no one wants to hear what I have to say. And I just stopped thinking like my brain stopped working. The reason in my expert opinion

those appearances were so great is that you guys had incredible chemistry. That's this intangible thing you can't plan for or plot for. Like non-sexual flirting was happening. Oh, it was pretty sexual. Well, it might have come across as flirty and sexual, but it definitely wasn't ever.

Like I love his wife and know his kids and it wasn't ever bound. Didn't ever bound. It wasn't inappropriate at all, but I also think he could have a crush on you and you could have a crush on him and that'd be fine. For sure. But it's also okay that Monica and I are clarifying that in the world we live in right now. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. He is wonderful and was always very appropriate. Oh, he walks the line. He's a man of integrity. People flirt in a non-sexual way. I believe that. I think straight women flirt with each other. Yeah, that's Dax's whole game

is flirting with every human being he comes in contact with. Well, he does do it sexually. Well, no, I think they flirt with guys almost more than women because I'm assuming they're going to feel more comfortable with it. Right, and you said you'd be cool with everything up until it tops off.

Yes. There was an older actor on a movie that will remain unnamed who seemed to have a thing for me. And I would let him massage my shoulders and I gave him a hug every day. And I think there's some kisses on the cheeks. And the producer said to me, who's one of my friends, he said, how far are you going to let this thing go with X actor? And I said, eh, I guess everything up till shirt's off i'm comfortable with it's okay i feel like that's a good line for you to hold anyway back to you being stupid it's an

ongoing process for you to fix your brain because when i was working very closely with you and i was writing stuff for you i felt like you felt very attached to having me do it. I was so dependent on saying this gigantic regurgitation of whatever I'd been feeling for the last couple days and then saying, is there any way you can organize these words to make them digestible for another human being? Because I did not feel confident to do it. You didn't feel confident, but you were capable. And I would tell you, yes, of course, I'll help.

But you can do this. You just don't believe you can do it. Then why don't I ever know what to say, Monica? You're just saying, why is my brain always blank? Explain this to me. We do have these really funny moments. We will often be laying in bed, it's quiet and then I'll go. Every night we do it.

Well, no, we're chatty. We got to talk about going to two. I'm going to write this down in my notes. Going to two. Sorry, I didn't mean to sidetrack you. No, but I will say it's quiet and then I'll go, what are you thinking about? Right? Because I'm having some very abstract kind of thing.

And quite often you'll go, nothing. I'm having some very abstract kind of thing. And quite often you go, nothing. I think this early on in life commitment to staying open to opinions and ideas and all walks of life has sort of morphed into just a lot of dead airspace. I remember one of the hardest times I ever made you laugh was we were sitting in an airport, and this was a long time ago, when they still had usable desktops at airports when you could check into the business area

if you had to get work done. And we were sitting there, and you were doing something important, and I was kind of cracking my knuckles. I looked over at you, and I said, buddy, what should I Google? of like cracking my knuckles. I looked over at you and I said, buddy, what should I Google? And it was a sincere question. Like I want to learn something. I don't know. And that's been a runner for 16 years where I constantly say, buddy, what should I Google? That's where my brain is at all day. So I think there's a great opportunity for us to

tell a couple of stories collectively that have gotten themselves into popular mainstream hot water sure right boil it this is what i'm talking about your career in the tabloids which means probably both of our careers in the tabloids for the most part but i want to hear one solo tablet most of the good ones have been about maybe what sex toys were buying yeah there was one i wish we were that cool i was gonna go into there was one that said that we hosted orgies, our swingers party. Remember that? Yes. And I know exactly where that came from.

It's because you frequently make key party jokes. We'll have a dinner party or something. And as we're sitting down, you'll say, everybody leave your keys. Like you use it as a joke. To many of the guests on this show, and of them i realized afterwards like oh we do not have the same sense of humor i was like hey if you guys are ever in la and you want to swing you know a lot of people don't get jokes yeah i mean that has actually been something i have been thinking about lately is it's such a bummer that everything you say has to be taken so literally that there's

no room for fun in expression or language anymore when you're telling a story because you better have the facts right it's just such a lame way to communicate well how often do you post something that you think is so obviously a joke yeah and you see people spiral that they took it literal and then i have to admit to myself yeah a lot of the country's not into comedy doesn't it just make you feel bad that there is a level of communication that that person who's taking it so literally is missing? I mean, certainly there are spectrums of brains, right? Like people could take a lot of things literally and that's totally fine. And then you just explain.

But for the most part, when those comments come in, I just think like, what a bummer that you're not playful. Right. That's really what it is. A lot of people are angry and looking to be angry. Well, they should Google something because there's a lot of fun stuff out there. They should ask their buddy what to Google. You don't need to be angry. Just ask your buddy what to Google.

They probably don't have a buddy if I'm going to be compassionate. Or they do, but they met through something they hate, which is really dangerous. Yeah. That's another funny thing about which is really dangerous. True. Yeah. That's another funny thing about you is your algorithm. Speaking of, what should I Google? If something happens with an animal in America, you will see it. Well, two different kinds. Either cross-species relationships.

Oh. You love those. Love them. Chicken and a goat. Clicked on them so many times. The dog that's taking care of the bird. Oh, that's cute. But the other one, and this is why you got to be careful what you tap.

I one time clicked on a headline about an alligator attack. And I'm not exaggerating. 40% of my news feed is alligator attacks or crocodile attacks. They're eating people in Florida at numbers you can't comprehend. They're eating old people. They're eating old people's dogs. They're eating children. They're grabbing people's legs.

It's wild down there. They're indiscriminate. I see all of it now because of one click, and I wish it would go away. So if anyone has any advice as to how to change my reptilian algorithm, reptile attacks, I don't want it to be in there. Okay. So another thing that I think we're both really kind to each other about is most frequently when you want to show me a video, it is a dog caring for some other animal. Well, those are the most interesting. What else would you show? And I do my very best to be dialed in yeah and i

dm you a lot of them a lot of them you very often heart them or say so cute or xoxo i really appreciate that are you watching them what's a percentage if i had to assign a percentage i would say well let me first defend why sometimes I might not watch them. Because often I'm like, is this one she showed me last night? She had sent it the day before and I didn't say anything. So now did I already see it last night? So sometimes I don't know if I've already seen it. But I would say probably 65%, 70%. That's great.

That is pretty good. And then conversely, what you do is I often show you some car stuff. Yeah. Look at this truck. Can you believe this guy jumped this thing? Listen to that motor. what you do is I often show you some car stuff. Look at this truck. Can you believe this guy jumped this thing? Listen to that motor. Yeah, listen to the V10 F1s. Can you imagine if they still sounded like that?

And the 460 SS PRX Q axle on this hot rod. Wow, is that a real thing? No. It's all, they make it all up when they talk. That's why you can't ever get a handle on it. There's no emotions in numbers. That's why us boys love numbers. Numbers, numbers, numbers. You show me a lot of horsepower videos or people backing through their garage.

Well, this is when I figured you out because one of my litmus tests of human beings is I was obsessed with America's Funniest Home Videos growing up. And I used to sit down and watch it with a lot of people. Let me add when tivo came out your entire dvr whole catalog was hundreds of episodes that's right so when i would show people afv i would watch them to see which ones they were laughing at are you laughing at the animal videos are you laughing at the baby videos are you laughing at the animal videos? Are you laughing at the baby videos? Are you laughing at old people falling? Are you laughing? I'm an old person falling.

It's very, very mixed messages. But that's my dark sense of humor coming through. I love the animal ones, but you get an old person that trips on the dance floor into a fountain. I'm on the floor. Well, the stakes are really high. I think that's why you like it. And I think that's why I like the car ones because danger is imminent. Their hips aren't up to a big fall, and you know the stakes are high. The stakes really high. I think that's why you like it. And I think that's why I like the car ones because danger is eminent. Their hips aren't up to a big fall and you know the stakes are high.

The stakes are high. And the ones Dax would always laugh at never, ever even produced a smile on my face. It was like somebody gets in the car and then they accidentally go into drive instead of reverse when they're backing out of their garage and they go through the wall and he can't breathe. Yeah. He's laughing so hard. That brings me to the most dangerous laugh of your life, which is... I'm not going to do it.

Don't even try. Wait, you're not going to do the laugh? Oh, when I met her, she laughed like Bart Simpson. I know, and I really want to hear it. I know, but Delta does sometimes and it makes me so happy. Because it's my natural way

of really guttural laughing, but it does sound very close to Bart Simpson. And why did you change it? Because it made me insecure. Imagine if every time you laughed, you sounded like Bart Simpson and then everybody said, oh my god, you sound like Bart Simpson. Did everyone say it or did he say it? When did you

realize it? He was everyone to me. I loved it. Yeah. Au mon frere. Au contraire, mon frere. But we had just come home from the hospital. You had had a C-section. We're time jumping now. Well, the most dangerous laugh of your life. And it's related to the type of content that makes me laugh.

And you laugh. So you said, buddy, you cannot be funny tonight because I don't want to tear my stitches out. And I said, OK, great. Yeah, no, my organs will fall on the floor if you make me laugh. This is very important. I told him this and he looked at me like Dennis the Menace. No, no.

Yes. Yes, you did. You were like, okay, I won't. I just noticed that you were going to use all your power not to try to make me laugh. I wanted to make you laugh more than ever because you just told me I couldn't. Yeah, that's what I meant.

Absolutely, you're right. But I said, okay, then what told me I couldn't. Yeah, that's what I meant. Absolutely. You're right. But I said, okay, then what should we watch? Let's watch something that's not funny. You remember this? Of course. Do you remember this? Yes.

I remember. Like Schindler's List? Well. Close. Not too far off. So we thought, let's watch 60 Minutes. That's not a comedy program. Normally not.

That's a news show. Three segments. And so we're watching it. And the first two segments are great they're not funny warning us of some impending doom and crisis and then we get to a feel-good story at the end which is about a young boy that was one of the like lost boys one of the boys that had left on foot traveled throughout africa wasn't what is the what what is the what is about that? Yeah, it's incredible. So you meet this kind of temporary encampment where kids are waiting, hopefully, to get adopted to go to America. Not little kids, though.

This boy was a teenager. Teenager, yeah. It's a moving, beautiful story. And you meet the boy at the encampment. And then he gets his papers that he's getting unadopted. And I think he's 16 years old. And first thing that hit us was, first of all, he'd never been on an airplane. When it landed, it was the

first time he ever saw an airplane up close. He got on it and they served them the food. By the way, let me say, the whole thing was beautiful because you're watching him see these things for the first time and we didn't have a clue that we would end up starting to laugh during this program. Yeah, I'm like, I'm very anxious. I'm so nervous right i'm so nervous

right now about the end of this story so the first thing that happens is he gets on the plane and the flight attendant serves him his tray of food there's no explanation right so the first thing he gets curious about is there is a foil wrapped pad of butter he's not seen one of these right so he unwraps it and we think he he's going to spread this on a thing. And then he just takes a bite out of it like a Snickers bar. Oh, no! The whole pat of butter up in his mouth. Oh, no!

He was nibbling at like a candy bar at first. And he had a really curious look on his face, like, what is this? This is weird food. So that was like, uh-oh. And then we kind of giggled, because that's innately funny, someone eating a pat of butter like a Snickers bar. And so, whoa, tremors. And then we thought, oh, and I was like, are you okay?

Oh, yeah, it was okay. Now we're trying not to laugh, which, of course, is making it worse. And then we think, okay, well, that's going to be the only funny thing for sure. And then the boy goes to Atlanta where he's adopted by this very kind older man. My dad? Your dad. Aw. And the dad decides to take the boy out to teach

him how to drive and again it's such a sweet moment and they're filming the boy driving in the older man in the passenger seat and he's instructing him what to do and for god knows what reason the boy just all of a sudden turns off of the road goes down this humongous hill now the car is fucking bouncing erratically and then they fucking crash to a ravine oh god whoa why did they include that that's insane i was laughing so hard no one got hurt no everyone's fine but he just took a left turn into a field. We wanted to see what that was like. This wheel moves. Yeah.

Of course. Do you have any more of that candy? The lesson is, this food is rich. That salty candy. The lesson is, don't watch 60 Minutes after you've had a C-section. That one snuck up on us.

Wait, what is the one you just wrote down? Going to Two. That's a cliffhanger I want to hear. Okay, you know what Going to Two is already, though. When we're laying in bed watching television at night, I don't remember how it started. But sometimes, because we've seen so much behind the curtain, there are things we notice about the program that we don't think anyone else is noticing. Production issues, prop issues. Hair issues.

Oh, I'm on hair patrol all the time. That's your area of expertise. Correct. Who's wearing extensions. I had a laser pointer at one time because you have to point out the lines of demarcation when you're not blending these things. I guess that's where it started.

It started with a laser pointer before we were ever going to two. But what you need to know is that on a set, there is assistant director, and then there's a second AD, and then there then there's pas and everyone has a walkie on themselves at all times and they all have an earpiece in so you'll often be talking to someone and then you get a sense they're distracted and then they say something a non sequitur and you realize oh they've just heard a message in their earpiece and now they're talking and they generally put the clip of their walkie talkie

on the collar of their shirt and so often when there's an issue and you're talking to the AD, you'll hear him go, uh-huh. Okay. Go to two. And he's telling them, go to a different channel. Go off the main channel because channel one is where the main people communicate. Like channel seven is where electric communicates. Channel five is where the grips communicate. Transpo has a channel. Right. But two is where you have elongated conversations about something that's necessary for channel one to know or to solve but we need more context needs so you know what go to two let's talk this out on two and you grab your collar and we always grab our collar mike can you go to two on two yeah gail is wondering

if she's going to be seen in this whole scene because she is in the deep background this is a three-day scene she's in the deep background. This is a three-day scene. She's in the deep BG. I'm going to need her to sit on that stool, though. I mean, I guess if she ducks down a little bit, we can cut around her. I guess what she's asking and I'm asking is if we put her stand-in back there, will it be obvious from what lens you're on? Does her stand-in have a wig that matches? I'll have to ask Becky about that, but presumably yes.

If so, if she has the wig, we're good to go? Yeah, let me ask Dan, but go. Okay. And so we have elongated conversations. You guys are role playing. It takes us two and a half hours to watch a one hour show quite often. When we were watching Yellowstone, we were doing it a lot because of prop things. How many cowboy hats did we have?

Beth's makeup, she had been beat up in one season. She just wouldn't heal. And we were now like three seasons away and there was a lot of going to two going to two to talk to hair and makeup to see if the bruises matched from yesterday oh great one the other day was we're watching city on the hill show we love we're obsessed with kevin bacon in it oh yeah it's a scene in a restaurant there's two people talking at the table that's what the scene's about we have two of the lead actors and then there's a candle in the foreground on the table. An extra reaches in to light the candle while the

main scene's going on. Most people wouldn't have even noticed this was happening. Wait, what? So the camera is over the extra's shoulder. The extra just leans in. All you see is maybe a tiny bit of side of face, neck, shoulder, and the hand reaching in to light the candle, meaning this is dinner time. Setting the scene. Correct. Yes, and the main scene you're supposed to be concentrating on is these two actors that are mid-conversation. But what either of us noticed was that the extra lighting the candle

had one of these 14-inch long candle lighter matches, but he was choked up all the way next to the sulfur. So his fingers were clearly being burnt and he has to reach deep into this candle to get the candle. And you see his hand get burnt in the scene. And it was one of those candles that are like red and sort of oval shaped that they have.

An Italian restaurant candle. Yeah, like an old Italian restaurant. Oh my God. So he has to get in this tiny oval and he was clearly being burned while the scene was happening. And Kristen's immediately like, Dan, can you go to two? Yeah, what's up? Did we not have stunts here today or fire?

Is he authorized to be lighting this candle? Yeah, we ran him through it. He hadn't choked up on it the last time when we did it in the blocking rehearsal. Did you specifically say the reason that we handed him a 14-inch match is so he wouldn't get his fingers burnt? Because where he's holding the match, it's incredibly distracting. I'm going to ask that. Kevin, I think, interfaced with him. What's his name again?

Is it Daly? It was like Kennethed. There was like a T on the end of it. What's his name? Kenneth? No, Kennethed. Kennethed? With a T, a hard T at the end?

The one thing we will dip into is how often the ADs have to scramble to deal with different people. Like, okay, I'll talk to Kenneth. No, no, no. It's Kennethed. Kennethed. Right. So, anyways, that's most of our time watching TV is going to two to bear some concerns. Act like the AD department.

Yes. Do you guys think you would have been able to marry someone not in the industry? Been able to, maybe, but it wouldn't have been as fun because there's so much inside baseball. You don't have to be in show business, but what I've discovered is how fun it is to have the same job so you can talk shop all the time. Yeah. I wouldn't have known we were missing out on it, but now that we have it, I'd say it's nearly the foundation for our whole relationship. I would agree. It's how much fun we have in bed, goofing on show business.

It's lovely. It's a level of connection that surpasses our attraction to each other. Yeah, it's so fun. The highlight of my day is that hour and a half deconstructing. Going to two. Eric and Molly will often say watching TV with us ruins movies and TV. I mean, I used to watch a ton of TV with you two. But you know a lot of this stuff on your own.

Yeah, but sometimes I was like, one time specifically, I was mad because you were really picking apart this person's tongue. Oh, well, let's not talk about that. Well, it happened. That person did have a really big it wasn't mean i just what i noticed is oh he's struggling to keep it in his mouth while he's right and once you notice that you really see it a lot and it wasn't mean i wasn't like they're unattractive right i just like oh he has his hands full with this tongue it's very large and it wants to come out of his mouth while he's talking. No one else would have noticed that except you guys.

I don't know if that's true, Monica. I really think it's true. I really think it's true. I feel like an ear, nose, and throat person definitely would have been like, oh, larger than life tongue. I see. Speech pathologists would have been like, that's hard to. Sure, okay.

You're right. There's a few professions. A speech pathologist would have probably said he had his hands full with that tongue. Right. But he's mastered it. He'd probably be proud. He has a mouth full with that tongue. Right. But he's mastered it. He'd probably be proud. He has a mouthful with that tongue. Yeah, he has a mouthful.

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free of aluminum parabens dyes talc and baking soda it's made with ph balancing minerals and crafted with skin conditioning oils so whether you're going for a run or just running late do what life throws your way and smell like you didn't find secret at your nearest walmart or Shoppers Drug Mart today. Okay, any who's. Tabloids. I think we should go through the entire airport experience. The recent one.

Oh, sure. Because it made a lot of news. David said it made the news in New Zealand. No. The New Zealand? Yeah. it made the news in New Zealand. No. What? The New Zealand? Yeah. It made the news? That's what they should call it there. Welcome to the New Zealand. I'm kind of shocked that it did because it was one of the more uninteresting things. I'll start finding out during the day because friends will text. That's exactly it. Or my parents will text me.

Yeah. It became obvious that this airport thing was one of those things. And then also I had just an inordinate amount of comments on that post. And then I noticed I had a ton of comments from people that don't follow me. So that's what made me think, oh, it has to be in the news because if you don't follow me, you're not seeing this post. You have to have seen it on the news then came to see the post. And now you're telling me what a liar i am the airport one yeah well let's not deconstruct social media let's tell the airport story okay so we had been on this incredible life-changing vacation right we went to martha's vineyard i had a lot of old friends that live there yes i want to give a shout out to tom my new best. So one of my best friends from college, Ariel, who is now a wonderful designer, her parents

lived on Martha's Vineyard. And so when we were in New York together, I remember them as an 18-year-old being such a part of my life. They would come in and see every show I was in. And they were just like a wonderful East Coast family, Tom and Joanne Ash. So they live in Martha's Vineyard. Also, Ted and Mary were out in Martha's Vineyard. So we

wanted to be able to see some old friends. We go for two weeks. It was beautiful. The weather was perfect. We take the ferry back into Boston. Our plane is supposed to depart at, I guess, noon or something. And let's already talk about that. Our natural disposition differs. I tend to want to get to the airport earlier than you do. Yeah. I don't think we need to be there the day before. Exactly. I think that's prerequisite knowledge. So there's always a little bit of tension when we're going to travel because I probably like to be out of the door minimally a half an hour earlier than you'd like to be out of the door. You really do like to leave like 45 minutes prior

to whatever the traffic says. And I'm just like, that's so much of our day. I get it. Well, you're an efficient gal. That's how you live your life. It's really down to the wire. You are at your worst at the airport. And I know that. And I try to be a good support system because authority does not. It's embarrassing. It doesn't work well for you. So getting there early is a good idea. Yep. So when we left Martha's Vineyard, you had already pretty much made a concession. We got on the noon ferry. Even though it was probably plausible, we could have taken the 1 p.m. ferry. So we had to wake up kind of early.

We had to clean the house. We had to return a rental car. We had to get luggage onto a ferry. And then we got on a party bus. We're with two families. There's eight of us. Right, because we didn't want to rent two cars. So we rented a Sprinter van so everyone could be in there. It was wonderful.

And it's a two hour drive from Woods Hole, Woods Hole Ferry to the Boston airport. And so when we depart from the ferry Woods Hole, it looks like Kristen's right. We're getting close to Boston and it looks like we're probably going to be at the airport two hours early, which even I don't want to be there two hours early until we get to the tunnels. They're all closed or not all of them, but enough of them that this two hour window we thought we were going to have, we're sitting in a ton of traffic. And then I'm just getting very grateful we're this early. The Boston airport is under construction. I did take that into consideration or to credit her, Anna was like, Hey, you know, the Boston airport is under construction right now. There's only one tunnel

open. You got to make sure you're super early. You're going to miss that flight. So we ended up getting there in plenty of time, but we got there probably an hour and a half early when it looked like at one point we were going to be two and a half hours early. So it was kind of this perfect compromise of you and I. It worked out beautifully. We got in there. We're like, great. We have time to eat. We ate at Samuel Adams. We did. We played spades with Eric and Molly. The most incredible coincidence happened. Larry Trilling and his wife, Jennifer Trilling, who had come and visited us on Martha's Vineyard and stayed three days. And we had the best time with them. And then they left on their road trip. Turns out they were at the airport on the same flight back to L.A. Larry Trilling is Zax's favorite director from Parenthood.

Directed 39 of 100 Parenthoods. An incredible human being. Most beautiful dude ever. And Jen, his wife, is incredible. So we're pumped. They're there at the airport. We're all on the same flight. This is fun. They said hi to us and we carry on. Then when lunch is over, we find out the flight's delayed an hour, right? And the flight was originally supposed to leave at three. And then it gets announced it's going to be an hour delayed again. Apparently, there's bad weather in Providence, Rhode Island, where our plane is leaving from

to come pick us up in Boston. So everything's grounded in Providence. So now we're just watching the weather. And this goes on. It gets delayed an hour, then two hours, then three hours, then four hours, then five hours. The last time I remember, it like 8.49 was supposed to be the departure time. And the plane arrives and we're watching our bags get loaded onto the plane, which I think is a great sign. Okay, we're going to get out tonight. Also, we had a huge workday

the following day once we got home. We did, yep. It was we were going to land at 9 p.m., then it was 12, then it was 1 in the morning, then it was 2 in the morning, blah, blah, blah. Once the baggage gets on the plane, we start getting pretty optimistic. And now we're watching this, but it gets delayed again. And then at some point they come over and they say the pilot heard something on the plane.

We're going to look at it for a mechanical issue. He wants it to be checked out. And there was this collective groan throughout the whole terminal of like, we just want to get up. And I'm texting with you and Rob going like, I think I'm getting home. I don't think I'm getting home.

I want to be a part of that collective groan, except for the fact that if the pilot doesn't like a sound he's hearing, I for sure want him to say, I need this checked out before we get on the plane. I was grateful that he was like, I ain't trying to make y'all happy. I'm trying to keep you safe and alive.

Yes, I don't want to be peer pressured into just taking this plane off and crashing it. So I was grateful for that. But it was frustrating. We had four kids with us. They were doing spectacularly. They were. I think as a mom, I'm clocking when they last slept, when they last ate.

And I'm knowing the Sam Adams meal at that restaurant was a while ago. It was six hours ago at this point. And there's only so long I can give them peanuts and goldfish. And they're shutting down restaurants. So you're trying to decide, should we get one last meal? What am I going to feed my kids? Yeah, exactly. Okay.

So they announced that and we're like, okay, whatever. Hopefully they'll look at this for 40 minutes and then we'll be on our way. And then they come over. At this point, a flight attendant, Kristen, comes over. She has seen you sitting there. She had gotten off the plane while they're looking at the mechanical issue. And she said, do you remember me? We were on a flight a long, long time ago, and I gave you the dogs.

I immediately remembered her. 10 years ago, I'm on an overnight flight to New York, and I'm curling up to go to bed. They shut the lights off. And all of a sudden, I look in in the aisle and there is a dog a loose oh my god they're like i'm dreaming i'm dreaming this is my dream yeah a stray dog and i'm like what what what's going on and then i see another one oh jesus oh my god it looks like they're crawling out of all of the holes so i'm trying to get her attention and I'm like, there's dogs. There's two small dogs running around underneath the seats. And she's like, what?

So she's looking on the floor. I'm looking on the floor. And she picks them up and she brings them over to me and she goes, I can't make an announcement. We've turned the lights off. Everybody's sleeping. And I was like, give them to me. It was my time. Waiting your whole life for this moment.

My whole life. This is what you were training for. Honestly. So she hands me these two little dogs. I cuddle up with them and I think I sleep with them for a fair amount of moment. My whole life. This is what you were training him for. Honestly. So she hands me these two little dogs. I cuddle up with them. And I think I sleep with them for a fair amount of time. Oh, my God. Don't know whose dogs these are.

Just know that I'm needed. I'm here. Don't care. Don't care. By the time the lights came up, however many hours later, we had realized that there were two carriers under one of the other passengers' seats. And that passenger was A-Rod. Wow.

Was it Derek Jeter or A-Rod? You know what? In the telling of this story the last 10 years, we thought it was Derek Jeter, but I think I said that because I have a problem with sportsmen. Sure, sportsmen. It was A-Rod.

That makes sense. I mean, they're on the same team. They're both the big names from the Yankees, so easy mix-up. Maybe it was someone he was traveling with. They were in his group. We realized it. We put him back in the containers and informed him like, oh, maybe the zipper was open here.

Your dogs, don't worry. I snuggled with them all night. But the point is, Kristen, the flight attendant, came up to me and was like, remember that? And I was like, of course I remember that. That was the most unique plane experience I've ever had. So now that I remember Kristen, this is incredible because I can ask her like, is the sound he heard a huge deal or a small deal? What do you think the chances are? Because now we're just having casual conversation because she's waiting to get back on the plane. What we find out pretty quickly and they make an announcement is the crew has timed out. They can only be on the clock for so long.

So if the flight hadn't left by like 9.50, the crew was going to time out. And they did not address the mechanical issue in that window. She said, we've got about 15 minutes left before we time out. It doesn't look to me like they're going to come to a conclusion about this mechanical issue. And once we're timed out, they have to find us a hotel and we have to have a 10 hour turnaround oh at that point it's like 10 o'clock at night and so everyone starts searching for a hotel the trillings they too have been calling every place and what we quickly find out is that the closest hotel and this is important because some of the criticism we received suggested that none of the hotels to our liking were available.

There was not any place to sleep within 50 miles of the airport. And this was because the airport's under construction. It was because there was a flight to London. There was a dozen canceled flights. Dozen cancellations. And everyone knew before us because they kept kicking ours like it was going to happen in the night. So by the time we acknowledge, no, this flight's not going out tonight. Everyone's already grabbed the hotel rooms. And there are hotel rooms, full disclosure,

about 50 minutes away at night. No, 50 miles. That's longer than 50 minutes because you have the traffic getting out of the airport. Yeah, and most people aren't driving 100 miles an hour. Exactly. It'd be 60, but same difference. But the point I'm trying to make is at 11 o'clock at night, we can get there in an hour. But we have to recognize that with all the tunnel closures, that coming back in the morning is going to be at least a two-hour commute. I'll sprinkle on top of this. We've got eight people. So we can't just take one tiny room. We have to have two rooms.

I mean, I guess we could have one room, but then the hotel sometimes asks you how many people are staying there. And if I was like eight, I don't know if they'd be down for that. And at that point, they're telling us that the flight's gonna take off at eight in the morning. So I was instigating this, I think.

I was saying, look, let's just sleep here on the floor. Plus it was kind of exciting. We were like, girls, we're sleeping at the airport. They were like, what? This is camping. This is so cool. We're like, girls, we're sleeping at the airport. They were like, what? This is camping. This is so cool. We're like, we're going to go to that shop before it closes. And again, we had eight people.

So we had to buy everyone a little neck pillow and a blanket. They're not cheap. Those blankets and pillows at the airport that are made of styrofoam are $35 a piece. Oh, they made a fortune. Regardless, we lay down. We have a great attitude. And I think the video we posted is us partying. Like, it's going to be a fun camping experience inside the Logan Airport.

And we play a round of spades. We're having pretzels for dinner. It's great. Some kids fall asleep. Now it's like 11. Now, Larry and his wife had talked to a best friend who lived in Wellesley. Larry said, hey, we're going to go to our friend's house. And they said you could come too. I said, yes, let me talk to Dax.

That's right. And then I'm a lot more codependent. So I'm like, I'm not showing up at stranger's house with eight people, four kids. Now this is where I'm switching to like, let's just fucking commit to this and do this. Let's stop coming up with other plans. Let's just go to sleep. It'll be fine. I've slept in the airport a bunch of times. So Larry and Jen leave. They leave at like 11 o'clock at night or something. Someone comes and tells us, hey, they're going to kick you out of here at 1 a.m. TSA is going to come kick you out. There's so many people sleeping in the airport. At that point, I don't believe this random woman who told me that. There are so many people sleeping by our gate. And at one point in the midst of all this,

the flight attendants are kind enough to go onto the plane and grab some pillows and blankets from the plane. And they start unloading them. And there's two older couples right next to us. They give them like a blanket and a pillow. There's another family that needs them. So they're handing these out. And then I said,

do you know if they're bringing any more pillows and blankets off the plane? And she said, I don't know. I'm off the plane. And in my head, I was like, well, I can see that. Obviously. I said, do you know if they're bringing any more offer? Is there some way I could ask the people on the plane? There's actually a lot of people out here. Could you bring kind of all of them? And she looked at me and said, well, technically, they're not supposed to be bringing those pillows and blankets off. Oh Lord. And I, for the first time in my life, got sassy. And I said, right, well, technically the plane was supposed to take off. Wow. I finally rubbed off on her. She's getting into confrontation. I'll tell you, did not like that. Yeah, how'd that go over?

Not well. She then turned her back, which was understandable. But I will say this is a very new feeling for me. I turned away and I felt like I nailed it. You did. You felt good about it. I did. I was like, I'm asking for pillows and blankets for not just us, but for all the people sleeping at this gate.

There are 70-year-old people trying to get on here. I was asking about something very reasonable. I understand you're tired. And also, I thought it was a great zinger. Yeah, it was good. It's good. That's good. Very solid.

It's a great first foray into public confrontation. Yeah. Back sass. What do you call it? What do you use? Back talk? Back talk, yeah. Okay, now I just got to add one other element.

So we're actually being advised at some point that we should get in a car and drive to New York. The flights aren't going to leave the next day either. But we're kind of held hostage by the fact that our bags are on that plane. And now they take the plane away to where they're going to work on it extensively. So we're not getting our bags. And this is huge. We find out about 1230 a.m. because the entire flight crew is still sitting at the gate

and they're all on their phones. And what they learn is that they are going to have to drive to Providence, Rhode Island. That's the closest hotel for them. Once they get there, they're going to need 10 hours from when the door shuts on the hotel room. To when the door opens again. Yes. For anyone who says we were lying about there not being any hotels, yes, there were some in Providence, Rhode Island, where the crew had just left from

and then had to drive to. And they knew the following morning it was going to be like at least two and a half hour commute from Providence to get back in a rush hour. It became clear that even if they left that second to go to Providence, this is going to be a 14 hour turnaround all in. And in addition, I'll just speak to how great this flight crew was because Kristen was like, I also heard the rumor that TSA is coming up here at 1 a.m. to clear everyone out. She was like, once you're through TSA,

you're through TSA. Let me ask some questions. Ask TSA, are you going to do this? Are you guys going to make an exception? And she was taking care of everyone in our area so well. Because even when we found out the flight was going to leave now at 11 or 12, we were still kind of pot committed. We're like, we still don't have our luggage. Even if we left now, what's the point? We're still going to do this. Then we found out that they're going to kick us out at 1 a.m. She came out with bad news. She said, unfortunately, it's some sort of policy here. They're going to take you down to baggage claim at 1 a.m. and offer you cots. So then I finally cave and I'm like, OK, you guys are right. I'm going to try texting Larry. I already felt uncomfortable about it at 11, but now it was 1230 at night. Text him. Is there any way we can still come? He's like, of course,

go downstairs. Now a lot of people are leaving 35 minute cab wait he had already taken his sleep aids yes yes yes i'm gonna leave pm half a trazodone oh my god it's a race against the clock it really is it's a race against me and the two girls dragging his body into this we have a lot of luggage we've been gone for three weeks, so I've got bags to carry. Finally, we get to Larry's friend's house, John and Krista. And I want to add, we've had a great time. Yeah, the whole thing has been so fun.

The whole thing has been fun. The thing I got worried about when it got on the news is like, what hate for people think that we were upset or complaining about the experience. I just thought it was novel and funny. It was just the anxiety of making the right decision. Like, do we sleep here?

Do we go there? How are we going to get the most amount of sleep? You said that you got mad when they said that they were making everyone leave. I thought that was insane. Yes. You threatened to stay. Great point. I started realizing he's putting a stake in the ground here to stay.

The last thing I need is Dax fighting with the TSA guards to stay in the airport. I knew that wasn't a good mix for me either. How do you handle this? How do you handle when you know this is about to escalate? It's getting hot. I make physical contact with him, which he's very in tune with. So I'll go up and like touch his shoulder or put my hand on his chest. I'll make eye contact with him and literally just bring him out of fight or flight.

That's literally all that needs to happen. Because it's not like he's a person that makes insane, rash decisions. It's because he wants to protect all the outside variables when his family is involved. So I know I have to bring him out of fight or flight. And that's really all I have to do is ask him to connect with me again, physically with eye contact and say, what do you think is the best for our family right now? Or can you take a couple breaths? And he always says yes. He even was the one that said, I don't need to be talking to TSA at 1 a.m.

I know it's not going to go well. I can feel that I'm going to not cooperate the way I should. So let's just get out of here. We get to John and Krista's. It was already kind of fun. And then it switched into truly one of the most beautiful moments we've had as a family, which is we walk into a stranger's home. They're both up.

They greet us. They're saying they're happy we're there. They take us upstairs. They've laid out mats. They've put bedding down. And it was just this insane act of hospitality that you don't experience much in life. And having had that feeling of like, yeah, I got to get these kids down somewhere that these kind people were willing to house 10 people. And they were so nice and fun. I walk into the dining room and there's knitting being blocked

all over the dining room table. And I was like, Krista, what is this? She's like, oh, I knit on the side. I have like an Etsy shop. There's the most beautiful knitted like mittens and hats being blocked for things she sold on Etsy. There's also music books everywhere and a lot of instruments. I was like, what is all this? She's like, oh, I'm an opera singer. Oh my God. I was like, what? Yeah. It'd be like if the guy was an AMM motorcycle champion that we- Exactly. We sleep there so soundly. We wake up the next morning. They've gone to the grocery store and gotten eggs and berries and put out this beautiful spread. Our favorite cottage cheese. Our favorite cottage cheese. Good culture, cottage cheese. We go downstairs,

we have this beautiful breakfast. It felt like coming down the stairs in a Christmas movie. Identical. Because this is an old house. It was a really cool, character-y old house. And there's this huge breakfast made, and everyone's happy. And there's 12 people in the kitchen. But Krista's not there. John's like, I'm so sorry. Krista couldn't be here. She brings this music program to the juvenile detention center some morning, so she has to be there. And they expose the kids to music. And I was like, yes, these people were angels. And then we got in the car, and we went back to the airport.

It was delayed a couple more times, which was fine. And then the boot is we get on the plane. We sit down and we realize almost the entire first class cabin are the flight attendants from last night sitting. They didn't have to work because they were just getting back to their base but they were like worked for too long and i'm grateful that whoever their boss was made the call no they shouldn't have to work this flight they're all sitting in comfortable seats it was amazing i high five with kristin as i walk by and then i remember she reminded me that she was the one that told me that an anagram to Kristen is stinker. You love that.

Yeah. I do love that. She told me not to tell anybody, but I did. Uh-oh. You just told everybody. Anyways, the flight attendants finally got to relax. I'm not sure if it was the same pilot or not, but it felt so special to have that weird camping trip in the airport and then also be involved intimately in the space of these strangers who were so generous.

Yeah, it was really, really incredible. So I guess I was confused when I saw these really angry comments on my post because I can't figure out what makes someone mad about that story. But here's the thing, you're treating everyone as though they have the emotional

and intellectual capacity that you have or that your circle of friends. A lot of people just get on the internet and they say, buddy, what should I Google? And they just Google angry, mad stuff. They want to be angry about something. So it was anything. It was like, you're not being kicked out. Of course there were hotels. I can't believe you spent $600 on pillows. Yeah. One of my favorite ones was more like no hotels up to your standards. And I was like, yeah, we're sleeping on the floor. I don't think they've seen some of the places we slept with our children. That's what they're thinking. But just the notion that the video is us on the floor.

You have to stop trying to prove things to people. Me. Exactly. Because it happens everywhere. It doesn't just happen to us. It happens to every single person, no matter how known you are on social media, someone makes a comment and you just have to ignore them because they're not on your level. People suffer from outrage addiction. I concede to all that. And I'm not trying to change anyone, but I am always going to try to figure out what's actually going on underneath of that. That is always going to interest me. And I'm always going to want to figure out what's actually going on underneath of that. That is always going

to interest me. And I'm always going to want to figure out someone's motive for that. And I guess my conclusion after this, which you guys may or may not agree with, it was so hostile and angry that I thought this has to be part of the political schism. We have to somehow just represent liberals. And no matter what we would do, it would be proof that we're crazy or stupid or whatever. It felt like there's something political. This is not how it was. The sloth video, when it went viral, there was not any vitriol hatred towards us. And the country was much less polarized back then.

It was just like, oh, yeah, that's funny. And she looks really cute that she's that excited for a sloth to be at her birthday party. And they have a wild animal in their home. Yeah. Yeah, people could have said, like, these entitled assholes. Was there even no Instagram then? Twitter. We were fully on Twitter during that period.

But I feel like social media hadn't become what it is now at that time. And who knows now if you had posted the sloth video, even then, if there was social media. It's undeniable. Over the last six years, the country has gotten extremely politically polarized. And Twitter was always a place to talk shit from the get. And by the way, have anecdotal experiences like where we've been going to the sand dunes for me, 16 years, but 10 years as a family. There used to be this lovely understanding like, oh, yeah, you guys are liberals. We're conservatives, but we're all here for our family. But it got actually hateful and a little scary during COVID and these other things that really turned up the heat on this divide where people were being actually mean out at the sand dunes because

of this political divide. And I was like, God, I don't like this. But that's my explanation. I don't know why you'd be so mad unless we just symbolize liberals. You're not taking into consideration that it could be one person that has 80 accounts. I think we're giving it too much thought. Also, there are people that are unhappy. Humans desire an us and them. It's in our software. We have to fight it all the time.

And lately, people are just arbitrarily choosing the us and them. It felt like somehow we got filed into a lot of people's them. Ultimately, it's not about us. It's about the person making the comment. People are going to make shitty comments. And the more time and energy you give to thinking about it, the more they're justified to do it. I don't really think about it. I mean, I think those are really good points, but I also think evaluating what's happening around you has some merit. I have evaluated it like you have. I've just decided a way to deal with it, which is I'm not going to give it the thought or attention.

And not letting it affect your mood. We've also just had this debate about our show page and same situation, just people being horrible. I think I am like you and that if I see it, it will affect my mood. I can't remove those thoughts. So I think it is like figuring out a way to deal with it, which each individual person might be different. What if we just don't look at the comments? That's my take on it. I don't need to know what everyone's thinking about me at all times. I think that's too much's too much agree but i love so many of the people that listen to our show and comment on the page and they write the most beautiful thoughtful things and i like to acknowledge them and say hey i saw this thank you for taking the time to do that to me that's letting the shithead win i'm not there to thank the people that are being so kind but they win if they're

upsetting you that's why you can just block people. That's why blocking is a lie. Yes, yes, yes. I do want to distinguish the difference between when they're critical to me. If I have a post and they write something shitty about me, that does hurt in a very specific way. I am inoculated a little bit. Like when I see the blowback, when it's Kristen and I, for me, it's super helpful because how on earth could you hate this woman?

She's so lovely. Like if you hate this woman, clearly you're bonkers. So actually when it's like shared hatred and it's with you, I don't even mind it. It's almost like I've been in a movie with Scorsese and they said it was terribly directed. Now I can buy into my own insecurities that I am a piece of shit,

but if you're involved in it, that's actually what inoculates me. Where those actually don't affect me, I just get curious. Like, huh, what happened between the sloth and the airport? Yeah. I just don't think there's figuring it out. Yeah, that's possible.

Could be a mystery we don't ever get the answer to. This is heavy. Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare. This episode is brought to you by Tresemme. Want silky smooth hair that's still full of natural movement? The Tresemme Keratin Smooth Weightless Collection is your simple solution. This new collection features a wide range of products from nourishing shampoo and conditioner to lightweight heat protectants

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We're talking friggin' fresh slicing, and I'm yelling, yes way! Get a 6-inch Black Forest ham for only $4.99. Well, I had some fun questions. This was fun. Yeah. Because you said tabloids. I didn't know how many you were going to. Do you want to do some more? The only other one I wanted to see that people seem to be really upset. You know, we've had a list of them in the last few years is that we don't shower.

We're gross because we don't shower and we don't bathe our kids. That was Meal and Ashton saying that they bathe their kids when they're stinky. Everybody does that. When they stink, you bathe them. Somehow, the four of us don't shower was one little wave of stories that was going around a couple years ago. They would get asked on talk shows about it and stuff. But a new one is the fact that the girls drink NA beer sometimes. Oh, yeah.

People are very upset about that. They're allowed to be upset about that because they're not their kids. Well, there's that. It's not your kid. You can think whatever you want. But I will add, this is where we're different and you're at peace and I'm not. Orange juice has a 0.5% ABV alcohol by volume. It does.

Heineken has a zero, zero. So zero five versus zero zero. So if you're serving your kids orange juice, you're serving them way more alcohol, a hamburger bun. Oh, 1.5% ABV. Alcohol by volume. Parts per

million. What's so cute about you to me is that you are so logical and fact-driven and evidence-based. But if people want to be angry about something, they're going to be angry about it. Of course, they could look up that other foods have different ABVs. Of course, they would not choose to listen to the context of the story, which is when they have tried to order NAs like at a restaurant or something, it's because of a very specific connection to you. Because first of all, they're educated on addiction and what substances are and how they affect your body and how scary they are and what they can do to you. Also, when you used to walk with them at night, being a great dad, you'd have an N.A. in your hand and they'd paw at the bottle. So that is like a very nostalgic feeling for them. And they like the taste of it. They take sips of yours. Sometimes they'll take one out of the

fridge. They'll order one at restaurants. I thought that was kind of a cute story. But again, it just turned into I let my kids drink. And I'm like, none of this seems to connect, seeing as though you're so open about sobriety and addiction and we're a family that strives to educate everyone about substances. Well, here's another piece of the puzzle, which is obviously when people are critical to you, I get pretty emboldened. So if like I read people are trying to insinuate you're a bad mom because of this N. NA, then I'm like, well, let me hit you with the facts. You're full of shit. I want to have a confrontation or a debate with anyone. She's a good mom. I know, but I'm always going to feel protective. I appreciate that. If anyone has a problem with the fact that I let my kids drink NA beer sometimes, that's fine with me because I'm not going to change based on what anyone else is

because this is our family and not your business. Right. Okay. That can be the last. Sex parties, henpecked. There's a bunch. Cars in the driveway. Oh, my God. Henpecked.

I do just want to say there's one real. That was my favorite. If you do read this tabloid thing that neighbors complain. Well, if a neighbor complained, we know who it was. Yeah, I think that was a neighbor. I would not be surprised if a neighbor complained. Of course not. Oh, my God.

Of course not. We have a grouchy neighbor. Yeah, we do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that one was dead true. Kill him with kindness. It was God. Of course not. We have a grouchy neighbor. Yeah, we do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that one was dead true. Kill him with kindness. It was sent to you by Marcel. You think a neighbor complained that we have vehicles in our driveway?

So we got an email from your publicist saying, this magazine's going to run this story. They have a neighbor. They actually can't allow themselves to be sued. They can't make it up. They have to have a source. You're giving so much integrity to be sued. They can't make it up. They have to have a source. You're giving so much integrity to these towns. I don't think they have any integrity, but I think they- Which I think are run by 19-year-old social media people.

I think they know how to not get sued. I think they're quite good at that. Yeah, yeah. So England, yeah. And we won. But also, you might just have that in your head because you know for certain there is a neighbor in the vicinity- Who's grouch? Well, I go, if a neighbor did sell this, I'm pretty sure who the neighbor is.

I'm not trying to get hung up on whether someone did or not. What's really funny is we read it and you were like, well, that one's dead on. There are too many vehicles in our driveway. That's what's important. There's trailers and off-roaders. It wasn't you. Well, what I also know is that we love all of our neighbors. You know, we even love the grouchy ones sometimes.

But we have so many fun afternoons with our neighbors. And our Halloween trick-or-treating is crazy. And we help organize it. And we love this neighborhood. So I'm not too sure that was a real source. But we can agree to disagree. Oh, I don't even care. What was much funnier to me is that they absolutely got one dead right.

After them saying we're having sex orgies or that I'm hand-packed or that you drug test me every day no i think everything's very groovy but that one was spot on real quick before i do these because you said kill him with kindness i am over killing that neighbor with kindness because i did for a long time. I do believe that doesn't work on some people. I think it works on most. I think it's a great first way to go. Probably the highest percentage chance of success is that approach. With kindness. And I'll tell you a story that will hopefully hit a home run. So being polite and kind when you're first interacting with someone is only to keep your side of the street clean, right? So that you don't ever feel like, oh, I can't believe I said that, even though I'm saying this right after I gave the attitude. You didn't start it. I didn't start it, but I did end it. Yeah, you did. There's a point in killing them with kindness that you're never going to see the results.

And that's actually the point, because then they have to sit with themselves. Because if you're going to be a shit person to other people on the planet, I don't know what you're doing. That literally doesn't make sense to me. We were at a restaurant in Nashville with two of our closest friends. And it was this old school steakhouse with a salad bar, which is why we went. It's a great restaurant. I don't mind telling people Sperry's. It's incredible.

If you're in Nashville, go to Sperry's. But it's the kind of old school that some of the clientele still really cares how the other clientele are presenting themselves. Well, many of the patrons had come probably directly from the country club. Suits and ties. But not everyone's in suits and ties. It's a casual place. It's a lovely place and the food is so good.

So we're sitting there and Dax goes to the restroom and Huey and I overhear that the man at the table next to us is complaining that Dax is wearing a t-shirt and he is complaining pretty loudly to his wife. Everything's going downhill. This fucking guy's in a t-shirt and Huey and I are kind of laughing. Huey's interpretation was, it was intentionally for you guys to hear, which I'm inclined to think.

My reaction was, I feel so bad for this guy. He's so concerned with how other people are dressing. And he doesn't even think about the fact that this is a cool restaurant and the food is good and he's with his wife. He's missing the point. Dax comes back. Huey tells him the story. And Dax starts to bristle a little bit, just like, why would someone be insulting me from the next table? Well, look,

it's a bullseye of my insecurities, which is I'm low rent. We're the poor family. I don't belong here. It's perfect to set me up. And I said, stop, stop, stop. Hold on. They're about to leave. He goes to the bathroom, the man. I said, Dax, grab the waiter. I said, pay for that guy's dinner. Dax grabs the waiter and says, I'd love to pay for this table's dinner. He pays for the people's dinner, which I thought was an absolute kill him with kindness bullseye. The older man comes back, sees that his table has been paid for, says to the waiter who did this. Great tip, too. The waiter points at Dax.

Dax waves his hand and says, hi, so sorry my outfit disrupted your dinner. And the guy had steam coming out of his ears. And they got up and left and his wife was rolling her eyes like, you are such a chump. Because he was being a chump. Yeah. Stop concerning yourself with how everyone else is dressing or being or acting. Just do you. And I was so proud of you

because that is the epitome of killing them with kindness because that guy is going to have the shittiest ride home because he knows that you're a nice person. It was an incredible idea and you had it immediately. And it's kind of shocking that I went with the program so quickly because I immediately flagged the waiter when you said that. And boy, were you right.

That's a good move. You and I together were beside ourselves because we think we were both planning on getting into some kind of verbal. Right. But that's so standard. He would have left and felt total conviction that he judged me that way because look how I behaved. It's so right. You would have proved him right. Exactly.

But if you can find it in yourself to stop the outrage addiction or stop the anger and just go, what would be the coolest move I could make here? That's killing them with kindness. And a lot of times you'll change how people walk through the world just by doing that. I never change them when I get into showdowns with them. I just confirm their worldview that everyone's out to get them, just like I think everyone's out to get me. I don't know how that relates to the grouchy neighbor, but I'm going to think of something.

It's tricky because that is such a killer move. And I would definitely tell our audience to do something like that. But that's not a person in your life. If there's going to be someone in your life actively, you have to figure out a way to live. To me, that sometimes means boundaries. And boundaries can mean... Confrontation.

And not in a bad way, just in a very direct way. I am not someone who's going to get dragged into the mud with you. I'm not going. Sure. So you can talk like this to me, and I'm either going to ignore it or I'm going to say directly back, no, you may not. Anyway. Okay. So there is a quiz it's old

it's from 2015 it's called the 36 questions that lead to love okay it's from the new york times very trusted brand and fun i know now it's getting fun okay it's got so heavy for a while i thought you would like well look our very first episode we were fighting yeah a little bit this way i get insecure. Oh, but we weren't even fighting. No, I know. Just heavy. But you're good at heavy combos.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah, you get deep. Okay, so this refers to a study by the psychologist Arthur Aaron that explores whether intimacy between two strangers can be accelerated by having them ask each other a specific series of personal questions. The 36 questions in the study are broken up into three sets, so we won't be able to do them all, obviously.

And you guys are already in love, but I still think they're fun. And I've done this at a dinner party where we just went around the list and it was fun. Okay, so I'm just going to pick some and you both are going to answer. Okay. At the same time? No. Okay. It's not a competition.

No, no, no. Well, then we are not in a competition. Okay, At the same time? No. Okay. It's not a competition. No. No. No. Then we are not in a position. Okay. We'll start with a light one. What would constitute a perfect day for you? I think I can answer yours better than I can answer mine. What's mine?

Do you feel that way too? Mm-hmm. It would be a dead quiet morning. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. one of chris's many great impersonations right

who is it again yes but as played by jillian anderson yes the crown yeah so you would wake up around 10 this is a perfect day right also feel free to say no i would think earlier now that i'm older. Okay. Nine? Eight. Okay, well, I'm calling bullshit on eight. Okay. You would wake up.

No one would talk to me on my way down to make my tea. No one would say a single word. Not, mom, where's my insert object here? Everyone in this scenario knows where their belongings are. Oh, and everyone has maybe also done their own hair. Oh, sure, sure. Doesn't have to be school day. This happens eight days a week. Okay. You would go downstairs and you would have your tea. What kind of tea? I am drinking something called Pirate's Chai right now that I've been utterly obsessed with. Full disclosure, Dax's mom got it for me two years ago at Christmas. And it was one of those things that your mother-in-law gets you something

and talks so highly about it that you have kind of no choice but to ignore it. Sure. Great, great. Thank you so much. She's like, this is the best, the best, the best, the best. It sits in a cupboard probably about eight months ago. I pull it out of the cupboard. I'm like, oh, I'll make this.

It's a half matcha, half chai. I put it in the cup. I've never been the same. It is like lightning in a bottle. It's so smooth. It's beautiful. It's hot water. They say teaspoons, but I'm a caffeine addict, so I'll do two tablespoons.

A little bit of ripple pea milk on the top. Forget it. Okay, yum. All right. And she said to me, I'm eating crow. This thing your mother told me was so great two years ago is the best thing I've ever tasted. Oh, my God. It's called Pirate's Chai.

It's a very small company. You can only get it, I think, on their website. I've reordered it a couple of times. All right. So it's Pirate's Chai and then it's some light phone activity. It's just browsing your phone and kind of checking with this, maybe looking at a New York Times article. And then we put that down and we transition perfectly into puzzle time and we just start putting pieces of our puzzle. Back up. Okay. what do i have to do in the morning poop take a pootie yeah but that's like 30 seconds of my day that's never something i stop for you cold plunge i need to cold plunge i crave it reset come out curl up more tea puzzle

yeah then start thinking about maybe what you want for lunch and then start picking maybe a favorite lunch spot. Maybe you want to go to For the Win. Maybe you want to go to Cara. Maybe you want to have a European experience. Great burger place right at Franklin in the 101. Delicious. Really good. And then you would do some internet shopping.

I think you would get on your phone and fill some baskets with stuff. I'm going to tell you this. When I internet shop and put things in baskets, which I have so many things in so many baskets, because that's my soothing, that's when I'm overwhelmed and not having the greatest day. I feel like, oh, I got to go on a website and put the 10 things I like in a basket and probably never buy it. But I need to know that it's in the basket, that I've chosen something to make my nest or my life better. That's a soothing mechanism. What I'd actually like to do after my puzzle is go outside and paint or garden a little bit. All the things that are stereotypical of an older mom loving her nest.

I like to garden. I like to puzzle. I like to paint. I like to read. I like to just walk around my house. Yeah. You like quiet. But you also like having people over just to be there. I like having paint. I like to read. I like to just walk around my house. Yeah. You like quiet. But you also like having people over just to be there.

I like having my tribe close. And then I want to plan our pod to come over and put out a bunch of decks of cards. And I want to get a meal plan together. I want to cook a little bit. And then I want to have everybody come over. And about 20 minutes after they get there, I want to know they're having a great time and I want to go back upstairs and read a book. You did a new one recently that I said I was going to tell this story, which was you and I and the girls on a Saturday afternoon were playing spades, which is tremendous. The little girls play spades now, which is so fun.

And we are in the middle of the game. You had dealt and then it went to me and I shuffled the cards. Dealing and shuffling takes a couple minutes. Okay. And I had dealt them and then me and the two girls are sitting there. We're sitting there for a very long time. Specify very long time. Well, we're not going to agree on it.

Hit me with a number. I think it was about 12 minutes. I'd agree. Okay. So she just stood up and left, presumably to go upstairs and get maybe a nicotine spray or God knows what. But now 12 minutes goes by. Now we're really kind of curious what has happened to mom.

We're all too lazy to go investigate. She could have had a seizure. Not that curious. And then you come downstairs and you sit down and you go, oh, I should have told you guys I was taking a shower. I'm like, yeah. a shower first of all you shouldn't get up and take a shower in the middle of a card game but if you must then yeah you probably want to tell us where you're going to took a shower in the middle of a card it occurred to me when i was in the shower sudsing my hair oh shit i didn't tell

them i'm gonna take a really quick shower spades games are long they are and oftentimes there's a break like oh does anyone want to get a snack or something because it can be a two hour game and so i was on that road in my own head and i forgot to inform my partners about the fact that this was the break. Yeah. Well, we found out eventually. That's all I meant. Okay. New question? Do you want to do his? I think it would be waking up. I'm not sure what time your body wants to wake up these days. It's getting more and more confusing. I know.

That's why I said I want you to pull mine back because now sometimes I pop awake at 7 a.m. and I'm like, I'm a grandparent. You would wake up. You would also have silence because you would be able to meditate and then you would be able to journal for your 20 minutes. And then you would write an hour of prose because after that hour, you'd feel very accomplished. Yeah. Like myself. Yes. Then you'd come downstairs and you'd cold plunge. By the way, after the meditation, coffee would start just in the IV drip. You'd cold plunge and then you would go outside and

lift weights feverishly in the garage. And then you would do some sprints in the yard. Because then you would feel like you can do whatever you want with the rest of your afternoon because you'd accomplished everything. And what you'd want to do, I think, is find a really good movie at a theater that has some sort of IMAX or a good Dolby sound and go see it. And then come home and have a maybe small interactive dinner party where you could play spades for the next few hours. God, that sounds like a good day. And then you would order barbecue. Yeah.

And then you would have me or someone else put the kids to bed because it's just such a thing with them. It's like an hour of Harry Potter now. Only because of how long it is, not because you don't love to do it. I come in, I do 15 minutes of it. Yeah, you do a great job. Good job. No, you do a great job. It's just their needs are

different all the time, so it takes a long time to put them down. And then there would still be people over, then we'd go downstairs and watch another movie. Maybe sauna in there, but yes. Have a good sweat with everyone. What about F1 in there? Oh, fuck. Is it also an F1 weekend?

If it were an F1 weekend, the whole weekend has to change, or we'd have access finally to the Sky Zone. Is this called Sky Zone? No, that's the trampoline park. Yeah, that's a good place, though. Sky Sports F1 channel, which would just be on in the background all day. Oh, that's nice. Okay.

Cream in my jeans. Great. So she got it. She nailed it. Yeah, much better than I did. No. I think so. Good job, buddy.

Thanks. Okay, this one's quick. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know? When I'm going to die. That's so consistent with you. Why? Well, it goes back to our Monica and I's favorite story about you is when you were reading your

23andMe, or I should say you were misreading the results of your 23andMe, and you just so casually goes, oh, I got the BRCA gene, I got early-onset Alzheimer's, and early-onset Parkinson's. Oh, I'm 40% Polish. Just right into the positive. Oh, my God. You can't change those facts.

It's better to know them than to not know them. Boy, did you handle that in stride. You really did. We were having heart attacks hearing this information. You have Parkinson's and early-onset Alzheimer's and BRCA? Oh, you really did. We were having heart attacks hearing this information. You have Parkinson's and early onset Alzheimer's and BRCA? Oh my god. And you were like, oh, elite muscle mass.

It said click here. I didn't see that it said click here. And then when I clicked there, it said no, you don't have it. But you did think it, which is the most important thing. Yeah. I'd want to know that. What would you want to know if you're going to become insolvent at some point? Yeah. of course. If I could alleviate that whole area of my distraction for the rest of my life, that would be a blessing. If I just knew like, no, no, you died with money.

You didn't have to wash cars ever again. And your family was fine. I feel like I could proceed a little more gently through life. Yeah. What about you, Monica? That's a hard question. I want to say something like I want to know if I felt safe, if safety was going to continue. That feels very vague. But I don't want to say if I have a partner. I don't need to know that,

but I want to know that I'm taken care of. It is weird because if you ask it a question this crystal ball and you find out some info you don't like then can you course correct and change the outcome of that if not then really why no i guess well because you may choose to change how you spend your time from this moment till that event that's true i guess i feel well unsafe these days because kristen had to pick me up off the side of the street the other day because I was scared. Yeah, well, scared is an okay feeling.

Also, though, there's this, I think she might be a psychologist, Lisa Dammore, who I read a New York Times article that she had written about mental health. And she explains mental health so brilliantly. She says that mental health is not feeling happy or okay all the time. It's having appropriate reactions to appropriate circumstances and then being able to use the tools to help you. So you were on a dark street very late at night. Not like mentally, literally. No, yeah. The sun was down. Your car had broken down. You had the option of trying to walk to a friend's or call a friend who you knew had kids very late at night or walk home. And you were like, I don't want to bother anyone. I'm just

going to walk home. And that made you scared. I think that's perfectly reasonable. You were supposed to feel that way. It's a scary street to walk down at night. Yeah, I do feel like the reaction was outsized. And so that was then what I had to sit with is like, why was that react? Were you crying that hard? Yeah. Why was I so upset by that? That is when it flipped into like, oh my God, I'm alone. And then I'm alone is its own other thing. Yeah. So maybe the question is, will I be alone? I don't know. Okay. How about what does friendship mean to you? Friendship to me is a place that you feel entirely safe to be your authentic self without any judgment. That's what I saw on Aaron immediately. Like, oh, I'm going to be able to tell him

I'm scared to fight Charles and I'm also this and I'm that and he's going to like me the exact same. Yeah. That's like the gift of a lifetime. I agree with that. And I'll also add, maybe this is because I like to be alone so often,

but I think friendship also has to do with when you need to cast a line for a need, being picked up on the street on a dark night or something like that, having an emotional problem, getting a deadline done at work. When you can cast a line and someone is there with no questions asked, that to me is friendship. For you, Kristen, correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like it's about being there when you need. It's not about constantly reminding each other that you're there. It's a safety, again, in knowing that that person is always there. There's an unspoken commitment because I have friends I don't talk to but every six months. But when we talk, it's still the closest we've ever been because those people I put in that category aren't looking to

find cracks in our foundation. They're not looking to find ways we've separated. They're able to jump back into it. And I know if I were to call them because I was walking down the street late at night and needed someone to pick me up, that they would do their best to be there and it would be authentic and genuine. But to me, it's not how much time we spend together or how much time we spend even interacting because I don't know, maybe it's just in my old age, but I like to be alone with someone else. But I also want you to be quiet. I also want you to be there, also alone. Did you marry an ironic partner? If I can't hear my voice talking, I'm not sure I'm alive. Well, I'd like to hear your voice.

Your definition of friendship, Dax, do you think is different than your definition of a love interest or romantic relationship? Well, I think it has to have that for sure. I don't think I could be with someone that I felt was judging me as having poor character or something. Kristen's exemplary in that. Anytime I've failed and admitted it to her, she's never once shamed me. She's never drug my nose through the dirt. She's never been punitive in 16 years. So she definitely has that. But I will say my girlfriends have been different than my best friends. And this is not negative. I know these words get negative connotations, but I just think they're how relationships work. I think a lot of my male friendships are like alpha beta

type relationships where I have friends who they're looking for someone to take them along on a ride. They want an adventure in their life. They want someone's going to go, let's go do this thing and take them along with them. And my romantic partners have only liked alphas that are on it and on a mission. I want a challenge. I want to have to earn it. I get bored if there's not a substantial challenge. Which is also ironic because I consider myself a very agreeable person. I do too.

I say I want someone who doesn't talk and you talk a lot and you want someone who gives you a challenge, but I'm pretty agreeable. I don't think so. You're living the life you want to live. I don't think you're agreeable at all. No, in fact, I disagree with your agreeability. You are not along for the ride. You're on your ride, and it's been so lucky that our rides

have coexisted so beautifully together. I guess I could agree with that. Sure, I'll shower in the middle of a spades game. If I tell you like, hey, I'm out of the film business, we're retiring, we're going to Montana, you're like, the fuck we are. That's not for me. Do you think any healthy relationship,

the other partner would just go, okay. I think there are people in relationships that they're like hooked to someone else's locomotive. I think that's pretty common. You're just not that way at all. You love me, but you're not going to betray who you are because I want to do something. I guess that's true.

I have friends who are rich and have partners who have never worked and that person has a bunch of leverage and they're not good dads because they don't have to be. The arrangement is I'm paying for all this shit. So I'm going to be at work 100 hours a week and you're going to raise kids.

That's what you want to do. That's not our thing. Yeah, those are very outdated arrangements. I actually think it's totally fine for people if that's what they desire. There are a lot of people that desire that and I'm not in judgment of that, but I don't desire that. I don't know that I'd say that's an okay thing because your podcast is your endeavor. The children are our endeavor. Surely. But what

I'm saying is there are a lot of men and women who are getting by on the notion of I've got to be out there working. So I've got to travel 300 days a year. And you guys are all going to benefit from that from this house and the private school. And that's the agreement. I'm out generating all this and you're taking care of it. And that works for a ton of people. And I really think that's fine. It's just what you want. And I want to be kept honest.

I don't want any leverage over you. I want it to be equal so that it brings out the best version of myself because I'm lazy like everyone else. If you give it to me like that, I'll probably exploit it. And I like having an equal. days a year. I just have deep thoughts about the children have to be an endeavor shared by both people. But I think the one thing I would add to friendship versus relationship is that what I desire also in a partner is someone that I can kind of what you said initially be my authentic self, completely feel stupid in front of and try different ideas or try to explain a thought that I don't know how to explain and misuse a bunch of words and still have you smile and know what I mean. And then maybe politely tell me what I should have actually said. Well, the ability to feel stupid in front of you is one of my most prized

feelings. And I would hope it would be rooted in the obvious fact that I think you're brilliant. You know it. Maybe I'm just not able to describe it like that, but maybe that is the feeling. You feel safe to do it because you're not risking anything really. I hope it's very clear to you I don't think you're a dum-dum, even if you can't think of a word. I've never had that thought.

Yeah, because remember when I said 100 miles an hour and you so quickly said 60? I'm still in that head space. You're really coming back. I'm really reeling. She said no one drives 100 miles an hour anyway, and I said it'd be 60, but still. You're really coming out. What happened? Really, really. She said, no one drives 100 miles an hour anyway and I said, it'd be 60,

but still. She said it so fast. I was like, oh my God. She's good at fast math too. Well, I think it's very clear that you two,

and I was just talking about this on Synced. Oh, maybe it's an upcoming episode. Easter egg. Yeah, Easter egg. Duck,

duck, goose. I think what really holds relationships together from what I can see from the outside, I think this is why my parents are still married. Because there are so many reasons that they shouldn't be, truly. But they really respect each other as individual people. My dad looks at my mom and is like, I respect her.

She's a badass. Yes, yes. Like, she's gotten through this and she's done this. When he compliments her to us, I can tell he really has a lot of respect. And same with my mom and him. Like when she talks about his discipline, it's real. She really is like, wow, he has things that are so respectable. And I think you guys both have that.

You respect each other as individual people a ton. I might even say I admire you. Yeah, I would agree. To add one more layer, I think the beautiful thing about being in a relationship are the twists and turns when I remember, oh, you were once an eight-year-old boy. There was a lot of authority in your life that was not nice. And that's why when you see a TSA agent, you bristle a little bit. It comes from somewhere and there's no judgment there. But that is the times when I actually feel closest to you because I remember you are an autonomous human being that I have respect for. But I have respect for who you were throughout your life and the things that you experienced. I don't think you can walk into a relationship and expect the person to treat you exactly how you want to be treated. I think you have to figure out how you want to treat this other person. The mirror image of what a relationship seems like it should be like, I want to find a person who's this and this.

No, no. The roadmap of a relationship should be who do I want to be to someone? Do I want to be a person that helps calm them down when they're in fight or flight? Do I want to be a person who protects them from this that I know they won't love? Or do I want to be a person that surprises someone with something that they love? Plan who you're going to be in a relationship and it'll work out so much better. Yeah. Well, also what's really inherently confusing about a relationship is that you start living the same life. So like we've been living the same life for the last 16 years and we have the same children and we live in the same house and we drive in the same car. Our lives now are the same.

And it's easy to assume that the life before you arrived or I arrived was the same. So sometimes it's confusing. If I were you, I'd be like, you have a fucking charmed life and you can't just be generous to this person at TSA who has a challenging job that's annoying. I can't say that to you. I have no right to say that to you. But I'm just saying, if you evaluate our current life, it's totally true. And we have the same life for so much of the time that you have to really actively remind yourself, we weren't living the same life for a lot of this, and we have different issues because of that. And people aren't really taught to love the building blocks that makes someone unique.

I have to love who you are now. You know, the cars are always filled with gas. I don't have to worry about that. That's lovely. You are an exemplary father. You are a great partner. You look for tons of date nights and stuff for us to do together. You listen to all my long, annoying, nonlinear stories. There's so many fun things we share together and I can love you for that, but I also have to love the building blocks that made you that man. And I felt like when I was in my 20s

and talking to girlfriends, that part of the story is often left out. I do want to add one element too that I think has been very helpful for at least me, which is to have children that are so similar to each other. We see the little version of each other in the house each day. And we see the stuff that's kind of genetic.

The little person in these big people. Yeah. And I'm so in love with Delta that when I can connect the dots, that the thing that you're doing that might annoy me as an adult, it doesn't annoy me at all with Delta because I have a commitment to love her through everything. And then I go, the behavior isn't objectively anything. It's that in one case, I have this endless dedication to comfort her through all of her struggles. And this other person, I've decided they're an adult and they

should handle their shit and I shouldn't be responsible for it. But it's only annoying because I have that position. When I turn the Delta light onto you, which I think I've been doing a good job at the last couple of years, I am excited to help you when you're having a hard time. I at least feel like I've experienced that with how great you are at dealing with Lincoln, who also acts similarly to me. I think you've seen Lincoln in me a few times. I could feel like I could feel it. Yeah, for sure. So that's an interesting, helpful thing as well. Okay.

We're back. When did you last cry in front of another person and then by yourself? Here's the most fascinating role reversal Kristen and I have had in the last 16 years. When we first met, I cried at everything. Four days a week. I was an open wound. Something sad in the news, a commercial that had really great music, a movie, anything. I would cry all the time. I cry when I'm happy and I cry

when I'm sad. And I haven't cried in a while. You cried at Barbie. I was pretty inconsolable at the end of Barbie. That was really fun, right? Because we walked in the house, Monica and I, just been recording and we came in and we said, how was Barbie? And you attempted to tell us. And I just broke down. Because there's that line, they said, a mother stands still so that their child can look back and see how far they've come. It's an incredible line. Oh my God.

It is. Cut to the core. Yes. So that was in front of people. Right. But you cried all the time. I hadn't cried until Aaron got sick. Kids and Aaron getting sick started this whole trajectory.

And then all these great documentaries about these female singers. So now I'm crying all the time. Cried at the Taylor Swift documentary, at the Lizard documentary, at the Sinead O'Connor documentary. Well, that one was big time. I think because you have little girls and when you see a woman accessing her internal power

and standing up for herself, you're just a mess. And it's so sweet. And then it happened, of course, the other day on the show, we were doing Armchair Anonymous, and this beautiful girl told us that she had gone to treatment for an eating disorder and that she was at the Grove and she pushed play on day seven and that she was in the middle of a relapse. And then so she was crying, telling me this. I just started fucking bawling. It was the sweetest moment. This is also a great lesson for remembering that you can be fluid your whole life.

I'm not a crier. I used to be a crier. Now I'm not really. I can't remember the last time I cried by myself. Really? I cannot remember it. I agree. And you- Wow, that is wild. Right? It might've been my EMDR. I had a very successful 12 sessions with an EMDR therapist that kind of changed my outlook on life and my ability to just speak and walk through the world with confidence. I'd say it's the biggest change that I've witnessed since I've met you.

Yeah. Was the EMDR. And it feels just like witchcraft. It feels like absolute voodoo. You're like, this doesn't do anything. What are you talking about? Hold my finger where? Move my eyes like this.

Okay, I'm cured. Thanks. But it has made the biggest difference in my life. But people can be different things at different stages. in my life. But people can be different things at different stages. I only say that out loud because it's a reminder that I think a lot of people need to hear. You don't have to be one thing. You used to not be a crier. Now you cry kind of a lot. You're allowed to have different phases and you don't need to like, well, I'm this person because I was this person 10 years ago. This kind of person. Yeah, it's funny.

Identity feels like safety. And then you get stuck and married to it because it feels scary to have a different one that you're not used to. Just Google something, you know? You know, just come there. Find out some new information. Ask your buddy. So much to Google. Well, what about when did you cry by yourself?

Well, I was watching the Sinead O'Connor documentary and Kristen walked in the room. It was beyond a cry. It was like my eyes were red. My shirt was wet. I had been letting it fly. You were having a moment. She tells a very compelling story. She told a very compelling story.

When people that other people tried to stomp out stand up and open their chest up. Fuck. Veronica Mars. That whole Super Bowl. Everyone in that halftime show dr dre snoop dogg eminem kendrick lamar them all having grown up in the shadow of that place being oppressed and they get out in front of the world and let it rip oh my god beautiful yeah to see spirit live despite it it gets me that's how i felt felt at the Taylor Swift concert in a different way.

It was more like this person was born a baby. Every single one of us, just this little baby. And look what one person has done. The power of bringing all of these people together, community, love, like so much brightness and happiness. One human did that. Yeah, force of nature.

But the trick is, can we look at everyone we run into with that kind of reverence? It would be great. Because the person at the grocery store might not have been able to gather hundreds of thousands of fans, but that person got through earth. And earth can be really shitty.

So I think everyone deserves a little bit of that reverence like everyone deserves just kind of a thumbs up great you know what i mean you're making you're making it through that should be your slogan when you run for office kristen bell thumbs up america i just feel like it's real okay well why don't we just do one last one last one last one last one are there any rapid fire ones? Let me see. Because I'm really bad at those, and that's why I want to challenge myself.

You want to practice? No, these are all ways to get people to love you, so. Well, I mean, I guess this is rapid fire. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? I was kidding. That's not rapid fire. That's like so deep and intense. Very, very deep.

So we can skip it. But I would say post-EMDR, really good. I love that. Okay, this is the last one. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. So it has to be a current problem. Okay, you want me to go? We'll give you time to think.

I'm never trying to cut you off. I'm really just trying to help. You're always saving me. Listen, I can help you at the airport. I know when you look into my eyes and see there's just a bunch of hamsters running around on dead space that you take the wheel and i appreciate that the goose on the treadmill is dead asleep inside in the cartoon this is a sleeping goose yeah so i'm dealing with a current bout of pessimism financially, career wise. I just feel like I can see the light on the approaching train. It's pretty far away, but I can see it's coming.

I gotta figure out how to get out of this fucking tunnel. I'm mad at myself because my life is charmed and beautiful and wonderful. And then so I'm kind of in judgment and I'm mad that I'm not living in a state of gratitude. You know, my journal for the last eight days is just my fear fear fear fear fear fear fear I think you're already doing a good job handling this because we've talked about this already This is sort of like when our old therapist used to say do something nice today and don't get caught you have been Wildly generous with more than a handful of people recently out of the blue I was astounded by

the amount you were withdrawing from the bank account in a great way where my first thought is always, is he trying to make me horny? That's what I say when you give a good tip. I mean, I think this is something that actually may be really good with EMDR because a feeling and a reaction that is locked inside your body so tight that no amount of logic or processing can make it come out is the kind of issue that EMDR is really helpful with. But I feel like you've done sitting there looking at me and the girls and even simultaneously opening up your bank statement and going like, I have to be okay with this. Or I don't know,

take a hundred dollar bill in your hand and a lighter in the other and decide you want to set the hundred dollar bill on fire. Do you want to set me and the girls on fire? You have to put your faith and your happiness and your mindfulness in one or the other. And it's either going to be the numbers coming up on the screen or the lifestyle happening right around you that you might miss. I agree with you. I would argue they're related. So it's like, I'm looking at you three and I'm like, I'm the one that has to make sure everyone's okay for the rest of their lives. Well, first of all, you're not. Because I mean, again, none of this is anchored in reality.

Let me just say, I'm not running out of money. That's actually why I'm saying something like EMDR, which I know might feel a little bit wild to get in front of that question. But I think maybe reminding you that me and the girls, if we slept at the airport for the rest of our lives, if we were together. The Internet would hate us. Well, the Internet would hate us, but we'd still be happy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't need all this stuff we have. If all of it were to go away tomorrow, it literally doesn't matter. I mean, I have Parkinson's early onset Alzheimer's. Yeah, you won't have to deal with it. It is going away.

I'm planning on making it to 62 like my dad. I think it needs to be an exercise where you like picture all your worries in a balloon and then you let it go. This has to be dislodged from your body. I don't think any amount of talking will fix this, although I'm happy to talk about it with you. I would like to try that EMDR. I'm throwing every other thing at it. Plunging and the this and the that. The this and the that.

Holy smokes. Structural failure. Another thing I have to pay for. It is all coming down. Yeah. Literally. I'm trying to think of a problem that I have, but most of the problems, like whatever,

I've been having this hip issue. But Dr. K, the chiropractor, is like taking care of it. Can you think of something that I have that you want to give me advice about? Unsolicited advice? Uh-huh. No, I think you're humming along just great. No one doesn't have a problem. Of course.

Well, the internet's mad at her. Could that be one? Well, you did admit the other day, I'm getting too much attention. I'm starting to get self-conscious and uncomfortable. Yeah, because I don't like that. When I want to post on Instagram, I don't want to think about it. I want to think, I like this moment. I want to share it because someone else may want to view it.

I don't want to think about what someone could say. And after we went to Idaho and I posted the picture of the dinner party, I don't want to be in headlines. I want to make people smile maybe when they see something I'm in. I don't want to be a headline. It really triggers my sense of justice. So literally the previous post that you had

was us at your black friend's wedding. What the injustice to me is you've cherry picked something that's so blatantly a lie and not true. And you willfully decided to not look at the frame above it. I think you need more context for someone who doesn't see it. So there was a dinner party that was had in Idaho, 30 maybe at the table. It's just a huge, huge, long table outside.

They were our friends. We go camping with them. It was beautiful. I took a picture. I didn't really think that you could see everyone that was in there and everyone in the picture. Well, there were six Asian people and the rest were Caucasian. And the news headlines that came out about the story were that there were no black people at my dinner table. I felt insecure. And then I was like, wait a minute, I don't have to answer this question. I don't have to check the ethnicity of everyone I go to dinner with. I was frustrated with just the notion that it's just simply not true about you.

We both have friends. Very diverse group of friends. Yes. But that's also why I was like, after I felt insecure about it for like a day, I was like, oh, you have to let this go. If I can speak on your behalf, I think what frustrated you and made you uncomfortable was it had incorporated all these other people that didn't want anything to do with it. That was the sense, I think, of angst was like, oh, fuck. Now everyone else at this dinner presumably is also guilty.

And I sent out a text to everyone saying like, I'm really sorry I even posted that picture. I thought it was just like a fun group pic and it was the wrong thing to do. I really isolate what I don't love about it. It's that now I sort of think through that before I post. I like that my Instagram is ugly and not framed well and reckless and spontaneous and silly. That's more authentic to who I am than everything being beautiful and well thought out. Yeah. Again, the thing reeked to me of there's a lot of people posing as liberals online to agitate the liberals online i don't really think those are liberals saying that i think it was kind of false flaggy people on the right going oh kind of stir up trouble yeah like well if you're so inclusive why that's

my person again i think everything's so fucking political that that's the only way i can explain it i can't imagine anyone who really likes you could have possibly made the conclusion that you don't like to be with black people at dinner. I also don't care about any of that. Well, you just know it's not true. So even if people thought it. Also, once I know something's not true and it doesn't deserve my time, the one thing I'm decent at in my older age is deciding where the real estate of my brain is going to be spent. Where are you going to place your attention? Yeah. So I just stopped thinking about it.

But the one thing that has been plaguing me lately is, should I cut my hair? You did ask me in the car. I'm thinking about going short again. Two days ago. What's your advice? I said to keep it long. Oh, wow. Because the last time she cut it short, she was upset she cut it short.

So I feel like that's likely to be the outcome again. It looks good short. It looks good long too. I mean, that's also not really a problem. By the way, I said, do whatever you want. I said, I know I suffer from when my hair is short. I see one picture of me where my hair looked great long and I ignore the 99 pictures that I thought my hair didn't look good long. And then I decide, oh my God, I look way better with long hair. I'm going to grow it out. And then I see a picture of me with short hair that looks good. One of the 99. Then I decide I need short hair. I'm embarrassed that that problem was so superficial, but I will say one thing I feel good about is I'm not plagued by any gigantic problems that I can't figure out like when I'm falling asleep at night. That's great. I just don't let it happen. I used to a

long time ago, but then I realized I can only help or harm the things that I'm touching. And everything else doesn't really require my influence. I think maybe what you're healthy about is I'm not that important or impactful. Like, I think it's a humility. Yeah, maybe. But also, I think it's been a lot of time deciding what I'm going to think about. spend a lot of time deciding what I'm going to think about. Maybe I've decided to think about nothing for so long that that's why I'm a completely blank page now. And I feel like my brain doesn't even work anymore because I've just gone like, nope, not going to think about that,

not going to think about that. Because I spent 20 years of my life thinking about so many problems in the world, suffering and wars and injustices, that it was drowning me. Yeah. And it's not that I don't care anymore. I just realize how I can be impactful and influential in those situations. And if I can't do it actively, then I'm not going to bring it home. The laid back version of you has raised more money for more causes than anyone else I know in the last year.

I mean, that's just a fact. Yeah, because I still care about all that stuff. I'm just not crying about it at night anymore. That's that. I mean, there's so many questions. Yeah, because I still care about all that stuff. I'm just not crying about it at night anymore. That's that. I mean, there's so many questions, but we're out of time. We've hit the limit. We're running out of memory cards. Yeah.

Well, honey, I love you. I'm so grateful and excited that you came to do the back wide episode. Me too. Because I think Monica and I can both admit out loud, we've both benefited greatly from that horseshoe up your ass. Oh, big time. It was on vacation. This happened a lot where Eric and I would be in the front seat of the car. There's eight of us in this SUV and we'd be pulling up to a very, very crowded, packed country mart. And Eric and I would go, it's going to be fine. Kristen's in the car. There'll be a spot directly up front. And every time we'd pull up, someone would pull right out.

You just have to will it. It's karma. You just have to will it. It's karma. She puts good out there. She gets good. Well, I'm grateful you guys had me on. I still don't feel confident, but that's okay.

This is not the space where I'm ever going to feel confident. And I'm okay with that. I'm going to stop thinking about it. Put in a huge pile of things you don't think about. That's what I'm going to do. Blank brain. Keep that brain blank. All right. it put a huge pile of things you don't think about that's what i'm gonna do blank brain keep that brain blank all right well i love you love you and thank you for this life we'll see you again when we extend out into the universe outer space outer space you don't think the aliens are already listening i mean i think they have the capacity

but i think it's too boring yeah i think they're like so low level yeah what are they trying to figure out how light travels through the what why do they take so. Yeah, I think they're like, what are they doing? It's like so low level. Yeah, what are they trying to figure out? How light travels through the what? Why do they take so many pictures? Oh my God, they're obsessed with themselves. Jeez Louise. I really want to meet them. Yeah, they sound cute.

They sound pretty cute. Owls look like aliens when they're standing up. Have you ever seen it? No, but I'm guessing you have a picture. Let's see, get that animal feed out. Let's see. Probably already forwarded it to us. This is a skeleton one.

Freaky. Also looks like a chicken. Wait, what is that? An alien. An alien owl. Hold on, I'm going to find a better. Okay, here you go. I hate that.

I hate that. I hate that. Oh, my God. Yup. That's real? Yeah. That's not real. They were hiding in the attic.

No, no, no. They were hiding in the attic no no no is that real yeah they have really long legs no we had an owl expert on she did not tell us how long those legs are for models look how long their legs are oh my, my God. They're long-legged. Yeah. Yeah, the bottom plumage hides the length of the legs. There's so many long-legged owls out there. Deadly long legs. Owls are deadly long legs.

No wonder I like them so much. Yuck. All right. Well, I love you. I love you guys very much. Tremendously. Thanks for doing this. Sure.

You're the best. Happily. Okay. I'll meet you in the sauna. Okay. Stay tuned for the fact check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong. Look at this look with the big gold necklace. Oh, thanks.

I don't know that I've seen this. Well. How old is that necklace? You've seen the necklace. I wear it sometimes. Popping today. Yeah, thanks. Thank you.

People get mad when we talk about our outfits in the back. Because I can't see it. And it's very fair complaining. Yeah, I'd be mad. I would too. Like, oh my God, Rob's wearing feathers. And then 20 minutes of, look at Rob, wore feathers to work. And then you can never see Rob in the feathers.

His cute feathers. Yeah. Yeah. I'm wearing a new tank top. Where did that come from? I feel like, I guess this now's a good time for us to talk about this. Okay. It's from, I don't actually know how to say her name.

Hanes. Nope. Oh. Whatever. It's like a fashion brand. Yeah brand yeah sure it's not the row okay but it might as well be you know sure and i guess i assume people hate when i talk about some people don't like when i talk about fancy clothes, like spending a ton of money on clothes. Uh-huh. And I understand that to an extent. I actually don't understand it.

Right. Because it's my money. And I get to do what I want with my money. Uh-huh. And I don't have children. Uh-huh. And I do feel that I'm a generous person. Uh-huh.

I do feel that I'm a generous person. Uh-huh. So I feel okay about spending a kind of very dumb amount of money on a tank top. Uh-huh. Which it is a dumb amount of money. Mm-hmm. But yeah, I guess if people are upset about that, and I don't know if they are. This is why I can't read the comments. Yes.

Because even when we had this debate a few fact checks ago, and you said, I don't even want to tell you it's in the comments. And then you kind of sprinkled in at some point, if someone says we're spoiled. So I was like, okay, so people are saying that about me. That's now what I'm guessing. And that's okay. Well, I don't know that that's exactly, well. Whatever. I don't want to know because even that vague of a conversation has stuck with me.

Okay. So all to say, sorry if you're offended that I spend a lot of money on clothes. But it is what I'm going to continue to do. Right. Well, first I would say, first, I'm on your side. It's no one's business. They'd be happy if it sat in a bank and did nothing and left the economy altogether. But I can explore my very best attempt at what the experience might be that you're literally on the verge of getting kicked out of your apartment because you

don't have $700, right? You're somewhere in America and you cannot come up with $700 and you're about to get- Text me. I'll help you out. This isn't you. I'm going to use me. So you're, you're about to get kicked out because you can't afford that. And you're late on your car payment and you're afraid that that's going to get repossessed and you're fucking drowning and you're so desperate for some money. And then you hear me talk about the inconvenience of being stuck in an airport because I had enough money to go to Martha's Vineyard. And then I had enough money to do this.'s Vineyard and then I had enough money to do this and that that's somehow a problem

when I'm about to be really fucked. Yeah. They don't even have to hate me for just it to compound how fucked they feel. Yeah, and feel that there's an injustice and I understand that, that how is it possible that I can't make rent and this person is spending that amount of money on a pair of pants or something? Yes, that is upsetting.

I understand it. But I don't know what to do. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. To not be yourself. I'm not saying you should do anything differently. I think you should be you. Yeah.

I've got no advice here. I'm only saying I can imagine if I were dying of thirst and I was listening to some people talk about how they decided to divert some of the water into the ditch on their property because they just have too much water. It might have an impact on me. Yeah. You know, what I'm saying is I don't approve of it and I an impact on me. Yeah. You know, what I'm saying is I don't approve of it and I'm sympathetic to it. I have a different hang up about it, though. And I've said this on here before. We so vigilantly defend the American dream, everyone's ability to make a lot of money.

Yeah. And in fact, we kind of hurt ourselves in pursuit of that. So that's a principle of money. Yeah. And in fact, we kind of hurt ourselves in pursuit of that. So that's a principle, and it is. I think there's something a little bit hypocritical about hating everyone that then accomplishes that. Yeah. And I have been guilty of it in the past. So that's why I can't cast too many stones.

I have been so jealous in the past being broke and judgmental of how people lived. I remember being judgmental of my brother. I think I've said this, like being judgmental of my brother that he had like too many motorcycles and things weren't being taken care of. And maybe he was wasting money and watching him waste money when I needed money so bad, I was judgmental. And he said to me at one point, like, if I can fix a problem with money, that, yeah, I'm going to do that. And I remember thinking that that was crazy. I just am very familiar with that feeling.

But now, yes, I am now my brother where I go like, well, why did I make it if not to fix these problems with this thing? Yeah. You know, why did I even try to get it? Yeah. So it's a very heavy, powerful, emotional topic. It is. I guess what I don't want to do is lie or be fraudulent or act like I act like the shirt is from Kmart. It's not. Right.

And if you like it and you want to know where it's from, I'm going to have to tell you. And that's that. If I could help all these people, which in some ways I can and in some ways I do, but in these mass ways, I would. This is great. I just think I may have just stumbled upon something.

Okay. Like if you and I entered a room and there was a man in a wheelchair and we were in the middle of talking about what an incredible hike we took and how we wouldn't want to be alive if we weren't able to take hikes, we would, you and I would have the good grace

to not tell that story at that moment. Yes. Right? And you would not be in someone's single wide trailer looking at them as they're counting their food stamps, telling them what you spent at the row. No. We wouldn't do that. Yeah. One-on-one and individually.

But it's impossible to account for everyone that hears us talk on here. You know, there's a million people. Some people are excited to hear where the top's from because they're going to buy it. So it's going to benefit them. So it's like, we're talking about a good hike on here. And some people have legs and some people don't. I think that might be the confusing dynamic is you are in their home. You're in their ears. I'm in their ears. I'm in their car. We have this relationship. It feels like I'm talking about my great hike. Yeah. And that's just like an unavoidable part

of there being a large audience. You know, I don't want anyone obviously to stop listening. Uh-huh. But I also can't change myself for people. Yeah, you can't change who you are to please other people. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. All things are true. I think you should be you. And I recognize what the trigger is. I think this is kind of interesting because this is Kristen's episode. Oh. So grateful that

she came on. It was very fun. And I do think it's fun to hear people in relationships. I mean, because everyone's so specific in their relationships and have, and I think what's really sweet and cute and special. And I think part of why people are so attracted to you too, specifically is you put her in a category that is just filled with so much love that like, I think you, we just had two similar conversations, right? Like when she came on, she was talking about how she was getting some flack and stuff.

For the picture. For the picture. Yeah, mainly for the picture, yeah. And I think it's sweet. Like you can't help but be very protective of her. True, thousand percent. Yeah, and it's nice. Like you can't help but be very protective of her. True. Thousand percent. Yeah.

And it's nice. And when people come for you too, I'm very protective. But you, I think you. But really quick. I actually can't, like I just was able to make the argument about when I talk about being at Martha's Vineyard or buying a really cool truck. I can, I can make the argument and i can actually empathize and understand it i cannot i truly conceptually can't imagine looking at a picture and going there should be a black person in there or i'm black and i feel excluded why wasn't i at that i actually don't i can't even

comprehend nor do i think nor do i really believe that's happening i don't think ti is looking at the picture like why aren't i there or anderson pack is looking at going why aren't i there i actually don't believe it's happening i think it was just a very unfounded way to attack somebody you already hate well i mean the thing just in the same way that you made the argument for someone who's annoyed that we're wearing fancy clothes, I, as a minority, can see. I don't think it's accurate or right, and I don't think anyone has the right to say people should have this kind of friendship group or whatever. Well, also, really quick, they do. No, I know. I know.

I don't want to get in a like, because I'm just saying you can see both sides in one perspective and, or you can at least make the argument for people. Right. And I can too. I can too see like a group of one type, what it seems like and feel like i'm not i can never be that because look i don't agree yeah and it makes me eye roll but i'm like okay like that's the thing they're gonna pick to be mad about great and then this is the thing these people are gonna pick to be mad about great like for me i'm just like okay people just kind of want to be mad they're going to find a thing to be mad about

but again it's just not relevant because there is diversity in all these people's lives so that's why it's stupid but if they didn't know that and they just saw the picture whatever I guess I could see that but my question truly would be like it's because everyone's famous

if anyone saw a picture of 12 people at a Thanksgiving family dinner and everyone was white, no one's going to go like, well, you should definitely have representation at your family dinner. Yes, but it is a bunch of liberal people who claim to be supportive of marginalized people. Which, again, it's stupid. It is stupid. But if we're going to do the exercise of what you just did, I can do that there. And I guess- And you can, that's probably maybe, maybe that's my roadblock of being white, which

maybe is the case. Like you can feel the feeling of why isn't there a black person at the table? I've never felt that, but I can imagine what it could feel like. Just like you can imagine what it would feel like to see someone wearing a fancy outfit and be like, ugh, I don't have any money. Yeah, well, right. Because you didn't have any money. I experienced it. Yes, yes. So I'm saying maybe there's a block. Yeah. And then like in high school, if there is a lunch room table of a bunch of popular white kids and i feel like how am i ever gonna get in on that table like you

know yeah i like it can trigger something old i think for people perhaps anyway whatever this was all to say that i do think it's sweet because you are very protective in a way that I think is unique to her. And I assume that's, I guess that's, I hope that's what all spousal relationships are like. I think that's something to hope to have in a husband or a wife. Don't you think it's interesting, too, that there's like people have an individual identity? And that together a couple can have, it's almost a third identity. For sure. Yeah.

I was doing this exercise, this woo-woo exercise with a single friend, not Liz. People will assume I'm talking about Liz. single friend, not Liz. People will assume I'm talking about Liz. She had done this before and was like, let's write down all the things that you want and need out of a partner that you hope for. And you write it all down and you have it on this paper and it's what you're manifesting. And, you know, we were coming up with all these things. And then at the end of it, I was like, I think what I want to move to the top of the list is someone who has my back. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, the world's a scary place, and it's really nice to have the safety net of someone's ride or die with you. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Anywho. Okay. So I just asked Delta a fact, because we couldn't remember the name for Kristen's boobs that the kids gave her. She knew immediately.

She did. Sloppy Joes. Sloppy Joes. I mean, what cruelty they're capable of. Oh, my God. That'll be the next headline. Oh, my God. That'll be the next headline.

Hopped up on NA Beer, Delta salts Kristen's breasts by referring to them as sloppy Joes. Probably because they're not washed. Oh, my God. So funny. Sloppy Joes. God damn. Yeah. It is. It's so mean and it is so funny.

It is. That's what you're supposed to do as a kid. You're supposed to ridicule your parents. God. Just let them have it. Painful. Since I've had kids, I've curbed how I talk to my mom. Really?

Yeah. Just because I was made aware of it. I'm like, oh, wow, they have no regard for my feelings whatsoever. Nor do I want them to. I don't want them to. I'm not asking wow they have no regard for my feelings whatsoever nor do i want them to i don't want them to i'm not asking them to have that for me but i did think like oh yeah i always would make fun of my mom for six or seven different things and we would as a family would and we would all laugh and she would laugh but then i'm like you know she's also a now i realize she's a

human yeah oh it's tough out there. I know. We would call her Bucky. Why? Because of her teeth? Yeah, that are so cute. They're so cute. They're the cutest Delta got them.

I know. I love it. But yeah, something like that. I'm like, you know, maybe we don't. That's what we call mom. Do you do that to your mom? No. No.

I was horrible to them them but not in that way and i'm teasing them no we weren't a very teasy family okay which is probably why i'm very sensitive to teasing maybe that could be why yeah i did not grow up in that kind of household i was getting blasted from day one by my older brother and my dad and my mom. Like that was definitely our sense of humor was, and you can see it between Carly and I probably. Yeah. It's very, it's very playful.

It's very loving. Yeah. But yeah, if you don't grow up in it, it can hurt. Yeah, absolutely. Okay.

Was it Linda Hamilton in the original 80s beauty and the beast? Yes. Good job, Linda 1987 Here I was born Only watch it on DVD That's right That's right That is weird

Okay, what does Bart Simpson's laugh sound like? Because when you were talking about that I don't watch the Simpsons I didn't know. So I'm going to play. Oh, great. His laugh. And what kind of pencil do we take again? Number two. Take a number two. Looks like you took a big number two. Yes, quite so. As you can see, I'm holding a big number two in my hands, enjoying the weight and feel of it.

That's so cute. That's a cute laugh. You typed in Bart Simpson's laugh on YouTube and that came up? Yeah. Oh, that's great. Isn't it great you can hear absolutely anything? Yes. I've had this smidgen of a song stuck in my head for like three days, and I don't know,

and I've been trying to think of how to figure out. Did you Google it? But it says something like, wiggle, wiggle. Oh, yeah. What is that? Wiggle, wiggle. Jason Derulo. Is he?

No. Yes, I think so. No, it's not. Yeah, Wiggle by Jason Derulo. Is he? No. Yes, I think so. No, it's not. Yeah, Wiggle by Jason Derulo. Let me hear it, though. Let me hear if that's what I want. That would make sense. It's a big intro.

Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle. That's an Easter egg. Easter egg. It's good. It's that's it. Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle. That's an Easter egg. Easter egg. It's good. It's a good song. Wiggle, wiggle.

Yeah. I don't even know if that's the one I was thinking of, but I like that. I feel like this is more playfully. I know what you were thinking of, and I only know it. This is such a deep cut. Allison Roe, in one of my cooking cooking videos they do great editing on those videos and she she was cutting a chicken and it wiggled and she was like wiggle wiggle and then they played a different wiggle wiggle song yeah yeah mine feels like more of a 60s song that's in my head

like a playful oh this wasn't from 1909 60s whatever you brand whatever one you heard is the one i'm thinking i've got another one let's see if this is it the out there brothers you know what that is no this is like russian roulette this is get that donkey booty or something? Yeah, it sounds like... It says, don't stop, wiggle, wiggle. Jesus. I don't hear anything about wiggles in that. It says the song is don't stop, wiggle, wiggle. Let me see if I can find Alison Romans.

This is a case now. It's a mystery. Ding, ding, ding, Veronica Mars. Ding, ding, ding, Veronica Mars. Ding, ding, ding, Veronica. Oh, shit, we're not allowed to say that. On DVD. I do own those on DVD.

Yeah, so do we. Yeah. Okay, let's see. Chicken. In fact, I know it's not that first wiggle wiggle you said because it can be just faint. Wiggle wiggle. Okay, I think it's probably. A Little John song or something.

No, I think it's older. It's not hip hop per se, but I don't know. Chicken piccata, I think it's probably A Little John song or something No, I think it's older I don't It's not hip-hop per se But I don't know Because I just have Chicken piccata, I think I hate ads I mean, I love ads Yeah

I need that. Another ad? Good for Allison. Yeah, I know. It's true. So the first thing we're going to do is we're going to cut our chicken breasts. So we'll prepare our parchment paper. These are two chicken breasts totaling about a pound.

This recipe serves two people. I would average about one chicken breast per person. The other night when I made this, I only served it with some smashed cucumbers and a little bit of like kale that I had wilted that I had left over. I am going to basically go in at the thickest part here. And I'm going slowly and I'm just doing my best to kind of cut this in half. And so now I have two relatively even pieces of chicken. Are they perfect? No.

Is anyone perfect? Absolutely not. The thicker the breast and the bigger the breast, the easier this is. But pressing on this top hand will kind of keep your knife centered. Like, otherwise, it's like wiggle, wiggle. Chicken don't. That's the one. Wiggle, wiggle.

That's it. See? I think it's jiggle, jiggle. Yeah, that was the one. Wow, I knew it. It almost sounds like a French song or something. Duke and Jones with Louis Theroux. Oh, my God.

Good job. We did it. We did it. Wiggle, wiggle. That's it. Oh! wiggle, wiggle. That's it.

Oh! Is it like a French man or something? Duke and Jones and Louis Thoreau. Oh. Wow. Thoreau is French. T-H-E-R-U-O-U-X? Yeah.

Whatever that was. Wow. A lot of vowels and then X. Thoreau. I love that we solved the mystery. That's incredible. What a chase down. Boy, we followed the leads. We had some red herrings.

We did. Yeah. That's a mystery that had been haunting me for like three days. Yeah, I know. I just heard that little taste of wiggle, wiggle. Louis Thoreau. And I'm like, what is it? Are you secretly watching Alison Roman's cooking videos?

Well, I'd rather not say. Speaking of Taylor Swift, because she was there, I went. We haven't talked about it. We haven't. Oh, my God. Let's tell people. Wow. About Taylor Swift.

Wow. Liz had a funny post that said, like, these two blondes have the entire economy on their shoulders. And it was Taylor and Barbie. They really do. First of all, the concert was, as everyone knows by now, unbelievable. Shocking. Like, how? How is she doing this?

I don't understand. Yeah, physically. Physically, how is she doing this? Yeah. Physically. Physically, how is she doing this? Yeah. Just moving for three and a half hours, take out the singing, just moving for that long is amazing. Right. Oh, it's just so powerful. But also Jess said something really accurate. I think he was just like looking around before the concert had started and he was like, I'm going to cry before, before it had started. And I was like,

Oh my God, you're like in it. And he was like, no, I feel like I feel on Molly. He was like, everyone is so happy here. Yeah.

So nice and kind. And everyone's offering to take pictures for people and, and everyone's trading these bracelets and talking and everyone's offering to take pictures for people and and everyone's trading these bracelets and talking and everyone's just in love with each other in love yeah he was like it feels like everyone's on molly but nobody is uh-huh and well 75 000 people maybe a couple people might be you know he was like it means like you don't need that. Life is special enough. But it takes a force of nature, but yes. It sure does. But yeah. And then I ran into a couple beautiful armchairs, this spectacular man. He said he got out of a long line to come say hi to me.

And then that was worrisome because he should not have gotten out of a long line. Keep his priorities straight. Those lines were too long. Speaking of that, I need to do a shout out. Okay. Because, you know, I've been really hung up on the merch situation. A lot of stress over whether you're going to get it or not. Yes, because the lines are so long and we had some friends who went.

For the folks who haven't gone, myself included, what is long? Three hours. Three hours for merch? So you can miss the show. Apparently it, well, some people, they open the merch line at 12 noon. Okay, for a seven o'clock show? 6.30 is when the opening act starts. So she goes on right around eight.

So eight hours of selling merch as fast as they can sell it. So many stands, but they're all so long. I'm upping, Rob, my earlier estimate. Yeah. Yeah. Over two million. When I said that 75,000 people all spent $100, for sure. Yeah.

Look, can you look at merch sales? Because I wonder. Do you think that's public? They couldn't make that public, would they? Does SoFi get a portion of that? I assume they do. Yeah, usually. Well, so I was really anxious about this.

And we had some friends who went a couple days before. And they said, it's OK. The lines aren't that long. And I was like, oh, OK. And they said that they had walked by when there was only like 10 people. And they should have gotten that. But they didn didn't but then they got some at the end great okay i feel calm i'll be able to get it then we go no the lines are so insane and i was like i'm never gonna yeah be able to do this and i i was feeling very demoralized but i didn't want to

feel demoralized because there's so much love and happiness there. Yeah, and you're there to see Taylor Swift, not get knickknacks. I am, but I need proof for my, I need it. I hear you. I hear you. Can't relate, but I hear you and I'll defend your right to get it. I just, I do get happiness from seeing the thing and remind me of the memory. Uh-huh.

So this is what I did. And people probably won't like this either. But also, I think it was smart and clever. And not illegal. Mm-hmm. And it's also a tip. Okay. I went up to the march line i picked out two girls close to the front who looked about my age okay and i said hey i know this is so weird and bad but is there any way if i give you my credit card that you could get me a t-shirt and please

get yourself a t-shirt as well uh-huh and they were like what like at first at first they're like what uh yeah um no we'll just we'll just get it for you. This is kind of like asking an adult to buy you beer when you're a kid, which you probably never did. I never did that. But that's got the same ring to it to me. It did feel weird and wrong. Like it felt illicit. And I guess it is because in some ways I'm cutting this line.

Yes. Well, I guess all the ways I am. But I am and I'm not because they're already in line right whether they hand them three t-shirts or one the slow part's ringing you up well the slow part's waiting no i'm saying of the transaction right like if you were to cut in line you would have slowed the person behind you down because you would initiate a whole new sale. They'd walk back to the things for the first time again, and then they would start a whole credit card process. Right.

But to say grab me two or three is inert. There's no movement there. Yeah. And then the credit card is still one swipe. I'm making a case for you. Thank you. Do you think this is a bad thing I did? Well, I think all things are true.

I don't think it's a bad thing you did because I don't actually think it slowed anyone down. Right. And I think if I was in back of the line, I've been waiting for two hours and I watch you walk up and get a shirt in five minutes, I go, fuck you, get in line. Yeah.

And you got that shirt because you have money and I don't have extra money to buy someone else's shirt. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's right. And I applaud what have extra money to buy someone else's shirt. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's right. And I applaud what you did. And I don't think it slowed anyone down. I should have bought the whole line of their shirts.

The internet says that she's making an estimated $87 million in merch. Okay. Total. Yeah. Whatever that means. Yeah. I'm trying to find anything specific to the show. I bet she's doing $85 million in merch just on her LA run.

I bet it's $8 million a show. $100 per 75,000 people. Well, the shirts are about 40. So depending on how many people get, I guess. Apparently she has generated over $300 million so far through 22 dates. Brings in more than 13 million a night. I don't know if that's just ticket sales. I think that's just ticket sales.

Right. Now what's funny is no one minds that Taylor's rich, I don't think. There's a handful of people. I'm sure they do. Yeah, maybe they do. I'm sure they do. Well, but I love the notion that one human being has figured out how to become a money tree like that. Like just a bottomless ATM of self-generation.

There's no like some product running off the line at the end of anything. It's just like, I'm a human. I know. And I'll open my mouth and I will create 13 million a night. I think it's incredible. And it's just her. It's Taylor Swift. Yes.

Not the Rolling Stones. I know. Yeah. But the thing is, that's one way of looking at it. And the other way is that, and the way I was feeling in it is, yes, this one singular human on earth has caused this much excitement in the world. Like, it brought so much joy to so many people. That's the more important part, for sure. But I guess I'm more just saying, like, Tom Cruise still needs a crew of 200 people and a great director and a great script and great locations.

And, you know, like, he can't generate a billion dollars on his own just by him as the product. He needs this whole other thing around him and a great story. I think it's wild that a human just can invent a billion dollars. I mean, she needs good music producers. She needs, like. Production. Yeah. And the show itself is, it's so much more than her.

There's like amazing dancers and amazing like sound design, set design. Everything is incredible. And that's why, but she knows because she just gave $55 million in bonuses to all of these people. Right. So she recognizes that. But yes, I mean, whatever. She's just like a girl in her room. I would also say a standup.

Like the standups are also very impressive that way. Where it's like you give them a microphone and turn them loose and they're a product. It's amazing. It's so cool. But yeah, it was just so, so heartwarming to see 75,000 people. Okay, now getting back to,, I have to feel like I have

to defend myself, but I also want to shout out those people. So they, um, they were like, no, they were like, no, we'll just get you a shirt. I was like, no, no, no. And we'll pay. No, no. But they were like, you don't have to buy us a shirt. And I said, yes, I do. Yes. If I'm doing this, you have to gain something. Yeah. And so they finally, they agreed to let me do that. Good. They were so sweet. Were you strategic in picking them?

Yes, of course. I wanted to ask that same thing. Like, what were you, what were your signals? They were about my age-ish, I think. They might've been younger. Two of them. Okay. Dressed so swifty.

Like, really, obviously, like, good fans. Yeah. And they just seemed approachable and nice. Right. That's, like, kind of it. And there were sisters. So, really quick, that was a good route to go, obviously, because it worked. There were sisters.

So really quick, that was a good route to go, obviously, because it worked. Also, maybe a great approach would have been to go the complete opposite direction, where I'd be looking at like a grifter. Like, oh, this guy, this guy's got an angle for everything. He'll want free merch. This will be like totally good for him because this guy looks like a grifter. Right. Both would work potentially. I didn't feel like there was going to be many grifters at that concert. It's going to be hard to find.

Yeah. Someone probably got drugged there. That's a little bit of a grifter. Well, the women's names were Terryann and Joyce. Oh, wonderful. And if they're listening, thank you. I really appreciate it. I'm going to throw out one thought

that just crossed my mind. We know how dangerous it is to potentially mobilize the Swifties against anybody. You think they're going to come for me? I don't know. I just think we should consider how incredibly mobilized they are when they need to be. But don't you think now Swifties will know that that's a good option?

Not if everyone's doing it. Let's kind of, because like, then it shortens the line for everyone. One person just stands, one person walks up and says, I'll have 1,250 smalls and 1,100 mediums. This is tricky because this is back to my original thing where I probably wouldn't have told this story because I guess that makes me look bad.

But I also want to shout out two very, very kind, nice people. So I'm choosing to do that. Okay, great. Over protecting myself. And I'm just demonstrating that I am protective of you as well. Yeah. And Wobby Wob and anyone I love. I'm just making sure that the Swifties don't come for me because-

Like they did with Jake. Jake. She's going to write a song about me? Oh, my God. About cutting the line? I heard it's on 1989. I can't wait to hear it. I would-

It wouldn't even matter. I'd be so thrilled if she wrote a song about me. Oh, my God. No, this is this is hilarious. This is wonderful. I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry. It now is feeling like it doesn't really add up with the atmosphere of the place.

Fuck. Oh my god, this is funny. If you want a t-shirt, DM me and I'll buy you one online. If you didn't get it. If you missed some of the concert. Only if you were there on Monday though. You weren't. You can't speak for Friday, Saturday or Sunday. And then she played Tuesday? Concert. Only if you were there on Monday, though, because I.

You weren't. You can't speak for Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. No, I didn't do it on the other days. And then she played Tuesday? She played Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Okay. She had played Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Monday, what? Thursday? No, six nights in LA. Six nights. Didn't she announce some big thing the last night? Yes, she announced. What's she gonna do now?

Play on the moon? She's so smart. This woman is a marketing genius. Genius. She is. I know. Listen, I've been listening to you talk about her for six days now and I love it.

I'm so impressed by her. She's your idol. The way you talk about her, I have witnessed now a bunch of times. Yeah. And it's just adorable to watch. But it's, I don't want it to be adorable. I want it to be like. To see you this excited about a human being and their accomplishments is adorable.

But do you feel that. Why is that, is that dismissive to you? No, not to me, but I don't want it to be dismissive to you no not to me but i don't want it to be dismissive to her because like she's doing okay i don't think you need to worry no no no no but the thing the thing i am obsessed with is how insane of a business person she is yes i mean it's like how i feel about mary kate and ashley uh-huh sure where you respect the hustle i really i respect her so yeah much and in the little thing you know there's all these secrets that are in the songs listen this is what i'm saying to you i wasn't present when you were

consuming goodwill hunting but i know the way you were talking about ben and matt is mirroring how i'm getting to witness you talk about Taylor Swift. True. That is true. And there's an obsession. Yeah. Yeah. And it's very fun to watch.

I am. And I think I want to be her. I want to be her. Oh, so what did she do that was a genius marketing stroke? She does all these secret things for her fans. It's all for the community. Yeah. And there was like this whole list I tried to memorize before that was like, after this line of the song, everyone does this.

They clap. Yeah. And I missed it. Oh. Yeah. I didn't do a good job. But it's, you know, for the fans to feel this camaraderie. So, you know, this is actually the main reason I respect her.

Okay. She's re-recording all her music so that she owns it. Okay. She has all her albums before Lover. She didn't own. Right. And it was a whole thing. Yes.

It was a whole thing. So she is re-recording all of her previous albums that's so cool so you can do that it's called taylor's version and and she's like putting out on each one songs from the vault that never got released i mean it's and so when she announces these drops it's a big thing it's a big deal and so one of her albums 1989 she announced on wednesday at the concert that that was going to come out in october but it's it's because it was her 19th concert of the tour okay i think and it was eight nine it was august 9th I think.

And it was 8-9. It was August 9th. 8-9. 1989. Oh, my God. Numerology. We love it. Yes, yes. Wish there were even numbers, but sure.

Well, yeah. People were anticipating this, too. They did. They predicted it. Oh, my God. What? It's like fan fiction or something. Yeah.

It's so amazing. It's like going to Comic-Con. I've had a smidgen of that feeling when we've gone to, I think I've pointed it out at Disneyland. Yeah, when we were at David Ferrier. It's very rarity you go to a place with massive amounts of people and everyone has decided this is going to be the best day of my life. Yes. It's very infectious. It is. That's why it's the happiest place on earth because people decided that was going to be a happy day. You can make a choice. Yes. Yeah. That's really nice.

It is. Anyway, great day. What a good day. I'm so glad you had that experience. Yeah, I feel guilty now. Well, I am. That's why it's a little incomplete, the thing you said about at the beginning. Yeah.

About me defending Kristen, which is true and by the way even if she did something horrendous i'd go down swinging that's 100 true but there's a ton of behind the scenes conversations about oh i did this thing i'm not sure how it's being uh interpreted and i will often be critical or i'll go i think that i'm imagining there's going to be some people that are going to feel this way about it so I I do it's not blind loyalty yeah it's like a partnership of co-piloting yeah it's nice it's nice I'm I like it yeah I just wouldn't want to mislead anyone to thinking that you had blinders on or something and she challenges me i'll post something she'll go i don't know hon i think you're you know like she will call out now if the mob comes for me

she'll stand in front of me when they arrive but she will tell me yeah that's probably not going to be interpreted well yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah uh i will okay now to defend myself. Okay. You know, I bought those tickets. Uh-huh. And I bought my merch, even though I did it that way. Uh-huh. Most people who you're seeing, celebrities who are at that show. Okay. Did not buy those tickets.

Oh, okay. And did not buy their merch. Oh, okay. So I feel a little bit, in some ways, like when I was sitting. But really quick, you know that angers people. That like, why do celebrities get free shit? They're already rich. Right.

Yeah. No, I know. So I'm saying when people are going to come for me. That someone did something worse. That I like earned my spot there yeah i did what everyone else did i got tickets the way everyone else got tickets yeah i didn't really get merch the way everyone got merch right but i did still buy it uh-huh um you're not you're not making this better you you know you just did what trump did which is like

other people are worse than me so you shouldn't be mad at me. Okay, that's number one. How do you feel, Rob? I think it's fine. I don't think. It's an arena. It doesn't matter because I'm calling. The important thing is just like when I say something sexist or misogynist or racist, you call me out and everything's clean.

I'm calling out what the person in line so it's not like you're going on challenged by this they should be upset right okay great so but i want to go back to my point which i think is more salient in this situation is anyone in your friendship circle who you told this story to judgmental of you i don't think so well i can tell you from when i heard it i wasn't at all i was like oh good that's clever you figured out how to get and then they won and you won and no one will slow down yeah so i think often these times are these little kind of storms of public you know yeah you have to remember does anyone that knows does anyone that knows me and Kristen think we lied about there not being vacancy at the airport?

I mean, that's so stupid. No. No one does. And no one thinks anything negative. That knows us and that knows you. But you didn't lie. But I did pay someone. But you didn't lie about it.

I didn't lie about it. No, I'm being really honest maybe to my detriment i guess i don't know um oh okay anywho that's we got sidetracked it's taylor swift you love you love her so much and she's a genius you were using the word listen and i respect the fuck out of her she's a monster oh she is a she is a goliath she is a force of nature she's all those things on this show more than i've wanted anyone ever on this show but the amount of times you use the word genius in many different categories while you were telling i've overheard you telling other people about it yeah there's a lot there's like genius is being bandied about

a lot of things and i I just enjoyed it. Yeah. Yeah. She is. She's something else. I never use that word. I don't even use it for Bill Gates. But she is. Right.

A genius. Smarter than Bill Gates. Yeah. And honestly, she is. She is. Honestly, she is. Honestly. Do you think we could be best friends or somewhat friends?

I mean, she's good friends with May. Actually, I was going to ask you about that. I was like, do you think she'd come on with May? I don't think she'll ever come on. With May? She's a marketing genius, as you just said. She has 100% of control of the narrative because she's the only one that lets the narrative out. She is so disincentivized. she can't gain anything from coming here she can only sell so many seats

she's at capacity but she could do it for us what for us for us well no you have to think of an incentive they're currently we don't offer one of course our show's good but i think it does show parts that maybe like her doc was amazing so i think it does show parts that maybe, like her doc was amazing. So I feel like it'd be like an extension of her doc. Okay. Do you think Mae could tell her that? We can't even get Mae on there.

I know, what the fuck? I know, I know. Would you pick her over Ben Affleck if they both, only one of them could come on? Yes. And over Ashley Olsen?sen oh god don't make me do that that's what we're gonna make you do they have a rivalry and if one goes on one can guarantee the other can't come they'll agree well i hate woman on woman fighting you trick them and have them both come and do an intervention yeah make them heal men defenses i know what you'd

pick and but you don't want to say it because you don't want to burn that bridge yeah yeah but i know all right um taylor yeah i would yeah yeah yeah i know you're gonna be blocked from the road website just that right there somehow our ip address i hate this episode i hate fact. Everything's going poorly for me. Everything's unraveling. Oh, my God. You would just pay someone else to buy it. Oh, yeah.

You'd call up Rosie and Tiana. Wow. Let's talk about something good I did. I made a yummy pudding. Oh, how did it turn out? Last time I saw you, it was in the fridge chilling. Yes. It turned out so good.

It did. Yeah. Thanks for bringing some over. I've been walking. As you always do. I was going to, because I only have like a day left. Of the pudding. Like, it's going to go bad.

Of the quantity or it'll taint? It'll taint. It'll turn. So I did want to bring some today, but I still don't have a car, and I can't walk with a big bowl. Carry around a big bowl of pudding. Oh, my God. You'd be inviting so many weird advances. Oh, my God.

I know. I know. In this outfit with a big bowl of pudding flattering on you. I had a crazy thought today. Okay. I can't talk about it based on what we've already been talking about. Or is it the perfect timing, too?

Is my career over? This will be our biggest episode. Oh my god, I didn't even think about the fact that everyone's listening to this episode. Fuck. Fuck. I'm gonna edit it all out. But I passed this unhoused person today on my walk.

I mean, you pass so many, sadly and unfortunately, on these walks. But I passed this man and, you know, I get a little anxious when I'm walking past. Yeah. And he wasn't in a tent. He was just on the street. No, no.

I said you get tense. Oh, yeah. Not that he was in a tent. Yes. Which is also likely. Exactly. But no. Yes, I get a little tense.

And then he smiled at me. And it, like, really, really broke my heart. Yeah. And then I really almost took this bracelet off and said, go sell this. But that he wouldn't, that would, yeah. He would not get market value for that bracelet. Let's just say that. I know.

He can't walk into an actual place that would. And so he's going to sell it for 20 bucks. That's the part no one wants to really deal with. it was sad yeah it is sad it's fucking heartbreaking and overwhelming it's so overwhelming because you can walk six more feet and have the exact same experience and then you walk six more feet and have it again and then at what point do you go well i can't even get down this street if i'm gonna let all in. And you have to naturally get protective of yourself. Yes, you kind of just disassociate. It's really bad.

I don't know. And then, yes, I thought the same. I was like, I need to just like go get everything out of my closet and just like hand it out. Right. It'd be great if that solved it. I wish that solved it. It's really sad. I hated it. I'll give him my shirt. That's really sad. I hated it.

I'll give him my shirt. My Taylor Swift shirt. Not this one. Oh, my God. No. Okay, cutting that. Okay. So, Lisa Danmore is a psychologist.

Kristen told us about an article she read and wondered if my computer just died. It's a psychologist and she is. Okay, yeah. It's always so hard to remember if someone's a psychiatrist or a psychologist. I'm sure that angers psychiatrists since they have a medical degree. Yeah, they had to go to a little bit more schooling. Mm-hmm.

Do you want a charger? Yes, please. I will take one. But I actually think that was the last fact, so it might be one. But I actually think that was the last batch. So it might be fine. But let me just. There it is. That is it.

That was it? Yeah. Are you sure? Well, I wrote one more thing to talk about, but we didn't. But like it was just to talk about if we wanted to. But we've been talking for a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What a ride. Yeah. What, yeah. What a ride.

Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I feel like I'm a bad person. I don't think you're a bad person. Tettle. Hmm. We'll have to see. Anyway,

well, that's it. Uh-oh. What? Are you sad now? Well, I don't know. Hmm. I don't know what I feel. Okay.

It felt like normal. It felt clever. Uh-huh. It was clever. And it didn't feel like it was hurting anyone. Correct. But I guess it was. It's like if everyone does that, that's a problem.

Yeah. Oh, boy, life is so full of these complicated. I have it lane splitting on the motorcycle, right? Like lane splitting is cheating. Yeah. You don't have to wait in traffic um it's certainly legal yeah so that motorcycles don't overheat and cause traffic jams because they're mostly air-cooled and have to keep moving but in my mind because sometimes people are angry that you get to do that especially if they've been sitting in tons of traffic for a

long time people even like swerve into you yeah and then i get a little indignant because i'm like i can't even impact the flow of traffic i'm riding in the middle of all these cars like i'm gonna go up in the middle of the stoplight and i'm gonna take off like you'll never be impacted by what i'm doing yeah i know you're frustrated that you aren't also getting to skip this huge line, but certainly I'm not adding to anything. Right.

Your weight in this traffic jam is the exact same whether I ride up the middle or I don't. Yeah. And so, I feel like it's in that

zone a little bit. It feels different. Well. Anyway. I love you love you