Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Leanne Morgan

Episode Date: September 28, 2026

Leanne Morgan (Leanne, You’re Cordially Invited, I’m Every Woman) is a comedian, actor, and author. Leanne joins Armchair Expert to discuss growing up in a 600-person Tennessee town, leaving her first marriage, and raising three kids while chasing Hollywood. Leanne and Dax talk about developing stand-up while selling jewelry at house parties, spending 20 years as the “$2,500 girl” on the corporate comedy circuit, and finally breaking through with a viral stand-up clip in her 50s. Leanne explains why she never lost faith that Hollywood would happen, how success has reshaped her marriage and family, and why staying true to herself became her greatest asset.Start your 2 month free trial today: https://youtube.com/premium . Terms Apply. Cancel Anytime.Check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds: https://www.allstate.com/ See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Lily Padman. Hi. And Sharon Beasley. Hello. Today we have an incredibly funny and wonderful woman, Leanne Morgan.

She is a comedian, an actor, and an author, and she has the most funny show on Netflix called Leanne, appropriately. And also you're cordially invited. And Leanne Morgan, I'm every woman. These are stand-up specials. She's a hilarious stand-up and a hysterical actor now on a sitcom. I love her. Enjoy Leanne Morgan. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.

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Thank you so much for having me. Oh, come on. Little Monica. Hi. My little baby is a huge arm cherry. And she cannot even believe I'm here. I can't believe I'm here. I didn't email him in my notes.

I'll be right back. Okay, my darling. Get all the drinks and stuff. I need to work out. No. I got that. It's just too hard to do. But we have to bone density.

Bone density. It's all the race. And I saw Mary Claire on with y'all. Yes. I did a thing with Mary Clara with Oprah. Of course. On ABC about menopoles. And what were the big takeaways?

I had a podcast years ago. that would be huge now. Yeah. But I stopped because I got to tour in so heavy. Yeah. But it was called sweaty and pissed, menopause and more. And it was a brilliant nurse practitioner with me who helped me with my hormones. But we made it funny.

Yeah. And they asked us to go on tour. And I just got too busy. Yeah. And I think now if we'd kept that. Definitely. It's all the rage. Everybody's now talking about menopause.

I know. No one, like, cared about menopause until recently. I have got to laugh, and I enjoy it. I really do enjoy it. But then I get to a hotel room on tour, and I just think, I've got to go stare at the wall so I can be finding. Yeah. How many days are you on tour here? I'm all the time right now. You look like one of those iron men, man that are running and doing that iron man that are swimming and biking and doing in Arizona.

No, thank you. In Tempe. How about these, like, ultra-marathon guys? that are running, and women, that are running through Death Valley on like mile 97, I'm like, how? I really can't conceptualize that. I know, and I know a couple of people who do that. My orthodontist is tiny and feet and looks cute in his pants. And he'll say, I'll give myself a little tree once a week. And I go, what is it? And he goes, I'll drink one of those little dentist cups of Diet Pimsy. And I'm like, oh, my God. That is not a fun line. No, he's angry at himself.

Oh, no, when I'm sitting here eating pork sausage. Yum. Wait, you have an orthodontist? I have an invisible. When I was 40-something, all of a sudden I started looking like Joan Rivers, I love her. God rest her soul. But I had a side bite, and all three of my children were in braces and me at the same time.

Wow. And I said to that little orthodontist, because we have a chemistry. I said, what am I buying you, like a pool or a fountain? What is it? Yes. Literally. Because we were all, and it was money going out, and I would go with them and get mine tightened while they got theirs tightened. And then I kind of let them go. I didn't wear my retainer.

So then I had to do Invisaline again. Well, your teeth look beautiful. Thank you, my saying. Thank you. Well, who knew I was going to blow up and be a movie star? Who knew? Oh, I'm kidding. But I had to have good teeth and not have a sound bite.

That's true. Did you have orthodontia as a child? No. And my mama begged my little dentist. Back then, you know, they didn't let her. everybody had it, or maybe in the country, but they were okay back then. And they didn't get twisted up until I was in my 40s. I had them from probably starting at like seven years old until 11th grade. It was a full, all hands on deck operation to get my teeth to look like this.

And you don't wear a retainer. I should have. One went rogue. When my wisdom teeth came in, this one was like, not enough room. I'm going to hang back here. And now I have that. And currently, our oldest daughter has the same matching fucked up tooth. And I really love it and of course she's going to fix it, but I kind of want her to keep it so we have something in common. When you have something different, I think that's cute. Character. I think when everybody gets the teeth, the Hollywood teeth, and they're pretty. But I think there's something about your own personality, and I think it's pretty. I think there's something to it. My orthodont is saying, we don't want land to you to just be odd looking and everything be almost purple. They're so white.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's true. When you were not in here, we were talking about menopause. and teeth move around in perimenopause and menopause. Like, everything gets loose, they say. So I'm waiting on this. What's the evolutionary benefit for women's teeth getting loose? I don't think it's just like going home, ready to die. Exactly. Ready to die at home.

They just don't stand a grandbaby. That's right. You don't need your teeth for that. Yep. No talking. What do you need teeth for? You're sitting at home with the grandbabies. Exactly.

Do you remember meaning? Honey, at the Emmys, when I was, walk behind you and little Kristen and her little fanny and lower back was so beautiful in that dream. And we were right, I was right behind you when we did that where you get on front of a camera and it goes around you and all that. Make sure it gets every terrible. Uh-huh. Because you're like, for me, before I go to those things, I'm looking and I'm like, okay, there's a two degree angle where I look fine, just right here. I've not anticipated 360 up and down. How could you? But, Thanks.

You're cute. But, Liam, we met before that. We met before that at the Opry. Operer Land. Yes. That's what means the most to me because you meet one million people at the Emmys, but we did get to see you at the Opry land. At the Opry and I got to see your babies.

They were there. Yeah. And that was our first time ever going to the Opry. What a special. What a joy. It's truly special. I did probably an hour on it on this show over time. But there's so many things that are wonderful about it.

It's just like the most. comforting, wholesome, pleasant experience. And when you think about who's been in that circle. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Patsy Klein. Do you feel it when you're up there? Yeah. You do, yeah.

It's very special. And the first time, I mean, very intimidating. And I'm thinking, what am I even doing here? Was that your first? That wasn't your first time. That was not my first time performing there. But I grew up going and seeing the opera because my little mom and daddy had a meat processing plant.

And we would do the meat. for country music stars and the people that ran the Opry, the president of the Opry, so we got free tickets every year. So I saw Dolly Parton, Porter Wagner, Roy Acuff, Minnie Pearl, when I was a child growing up. But I also saw them out at the grocery store and stuff too. Yeah.

Because I was raised right outside of Nashville. Yeah, Adams, right? 624, current pop. I always say 500, but there's 624 people now. And those 124 you've left out probably feel a little bit offended. And they're wondering, who have you edited out to get to 500? Oh, no. So first question I had for you, and I want to know a lot about the meat processing.

That literally is one of my questions, and you already brought it up. But are you sick of telling your story at this one? No. Can I first say, though, Brand Pant was sitting here where I'm sitting? He sure was. Do you feel, again, as like the opera, do you feel his energy? Yeah. Yeah.

Legends of the Fall. I said to Monica when he left, I would encourage you. and I would not tell anyone if you wanted to smell the seat. Okay. Yeah. You know he let us drink out of his cup. With his straw, right? I think we shared a straw.

We all shared a straw. Was he beautiful in person? Of course. Oh, he's so beautiful. And you're like, I just can't decide. Is he cuter now or was he cuter in Legends of the Fall or was he cuter? Does he have a sweet spirit? Yes.

Yes. Incredibly. Well, you'd like him because he's a Missouri boy. Like, he's a bit country more than you might think. Oh, Lord. Yeah. Cute. He's so nice. I know, I know.

Cute. Good sense of humor. He didn't have us edit anything out. That's really good for someone of his stature. Yeah. Very competent motorcyclist. We've gone to the track together and he's very, very talented on a motorcycle. So he can really do it all.

Oh, long. Yeah. He's got style. It's a lot. He is cute. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Great. So you're not, because I'm wondering, you know, you have such a unique story. And then you're kind of obligated to tell us the story, nonstop. And I was just wondering as you're coming in here, like, is she sick of telling the story? No, y'all. I'd love to talk about all that because I do think this is so crazy that this happened to me. Every day, I'm just like, what in the world? That's amazing. Yeah, especially from where I came from. Yeah. The first curiosity I had is it's a very exciting for us, but literally, Monica, close your eyes and imagine next year, Nirmala has a show on Netflix. That's my mom. I can't.

It's impossible, right? Like, can you even... Listen, I love my mom, but what's the show going to be about? Debriefs on her YouTube. Oh, she could have a show on that. No, she could have a show about all the trials that are going on. And she could report on that. She loves a trial.

She does. She loved that Amber heard. There's a big trial right now. Which one's going on right now? Really sad one about... Okay, let's... No, we're going to talk about... Oh, you're going to hear it.

The woman who murdered her children. Oh, okay, I'm vaguely aware of that. following all that. Oh, to a T. She's watching the trial real time. Riveted. She's riveted. She's riveted.

Yeah. She really loved the Johnny Depp and her heard trial. She didn't miss a word. Even though I told her, I was like, that's unethical. Like, you're not allowed to like that. And then she was like, ugh.

And then she just had like one earbud in. She was just like always listening to it. Just one earbud pretending like she wasn't. I see you. Does she love Nancy Grace too? I want, I'll ask. Yeah. Because Nancy Grace, you know, she's on it.

Yeah, she is on it. She's on it. She got the bone in her teeth. She's like the dog. I think my mom might think she's a little crazy. Okay. Oh, yeah. But I'm going to check.

But for real, can you imagine, I mean, anyone listening, imagining next year your mother is incredibly famous. It's so abstract. You had a mother. Imagine at one point she got wildly famous at 60. I know, y'all. I know. Even though my mama could have Lucille.

She's very funny. She's 83 now. I mean, she always cheered me on. And it was like, yeah, you're going to holly. would, but always been very funny. He's got friends that are 20 years old all the way up to 80. Everybody loves her.

How are your kids computing that? I do think they finally caught up with what's going on. I had somebody say to me that's another comedian doing really well that his therapist is saying, your family's the last one to catch up with what's happening.

Yeah. Because they're not out there seeing it. And see, Chuck Morgan, like I would say, I mean, this is a pretty big, Chuck. And he'd be like, he could stop tomorrow, you know. know, like, let's don't spend any money. Okay, my baby child is my makeup artist, like, went to school for makeup for television and film and is in the union, which is a godsend, because she's

with me helping me all the time. So she saw it and would see fans and would see the crowds at a theater or whatever. So she got it, but my other kids and my husband, it took them, and my parents and my sister, like, it's taking everybody a while to figure out, oh, this is big. And I told her. Yeah. And I told them, I go, if this is too much and y'all don't want this, tell me now, because I can stop this train. But once it starts going, I can't stop. And everybody's like, and then nobody knew how big this would get.

Yeah. You would think on the outside, people would be like, oh, they must be so proud. But I would argue, knowing my children, like, maybe embarrassed, like some bit of embarrassment. Like, oh, my God, my mom's everywhere. You know what I'm saying? I mean, any of your kids are old enough now that they don't have. They're older now. Okay.

30, 33, and 28. So they're like, this is crazy, mom. I mean, they're tickled. I mean, they love it. But I've been a stand-up for 27 years. So when they were little bitty, I was on Nickett Nights' funniest mom in America. Oh, okay. Wow.

They wanted to show it at P.E. And that kind of stuff. So they've seen, but my career wasn't going. I mean, it was fun. I was just grinding. And they didn't understand. I mean, they were like, oh, she's a comedian. I might as well have been working at Target.

I'm not kidding. You know, because it wasn't that. much big stuff going on. I think a night thing was pretty fun. They came and filmed us at our house. They were elementary age. That is so fun. Okay.

And now, how about Chuck though? Because I would imagine, again, you'd be so proud, so happy. But also, I would be a little bit like, do I have a role in this life? This is now a big chunk of your life. I know he traveled nonstop for work or maybe still does, but that could be scary as a partner. Have you guys been married with 30 years? 34 years. 34 years.

Amazing. And he's been. the provider and a very overachiever, executive for a company, he's worked for the same company, and his pride, I mean, that's been his role, and that's been very important for him. His identity. Uh-oh. When this started blowing up, he said, you don't need me anymore.

And I go, yeah, I do. Because I came from a mom and daddy that had a business together and we're a team. He came from a family where the dad took care of everything. And do we have life insurance or something goes, I can't take care of it. don't worry about it. That's what he came from. So that's been a little hard for us to. Yeah.

But then now, he's still working. Yeah. People ask all the time, is he going to retire? I mean, he's running a division of a company. He probably doesn't want to retire. He doesn't want to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he, you know, needs purpose.

Yeah. He doesn't need to be out here fooling around, you know, with this. Sitting on a director's chair on the side of a set getting bored out of his mind going what happened to our life. Yeah. Yeah. I just think it'd be scary. Not to say that it won't all be great,

but it's just a real shakeup for something that was humming along pretty consistently for 30-plus years. Like, it's just a big event. I know, y'all. And I was, for 20 years of it, I was making the same amount of money, which was pitiful. For a corporate gig or, you know, breast cancer fundraiser. I was working some clubs. Chamber of Commerce Lunch. Chambers Lunch in Dubuque, Iowa.

Yeah. Couldn't book the dinner's lot. No, they didn't want me for the nighttime thing. But all that happened for years, so, yeah, there was no imbalance or anything. It was like, well, Lian's making the money to get uniforms, haircuts. That's what I did. I got two headshots made in 20-something years, which was stupid. I didn't even think to invest in myself.

My friend did my website, but I was having television deals. Hollywood was coming after me that whole time. I had like five deals for sitcoms over the years from the time they were little. Until now, one made it. Okay, so yeah, now let's go through it chronologically, because I do want to hear all the little steps of the deals and stuff, and I'm sure the excitement, the disappointment, the new excitement. It's like, oh, my God, this ride.

But yeah, back in Adams, Tennessee, which I guess is almost to the border of Kentucky, is it? It's on the Kentucky Tennessee border. It is. But only 35 minutes from Nashville. 35 minutes north of Nashville. Okay. And as we said, 600 folks, the school, this is very new to me. I didn't even know they had these.

Your school was straight K through 12. K through 12, 650 students. So I ate lunch with the kindergartners. Oh. Doesn't that seem wild to have like 18-year-olds and 5-year-olds? I guess so. I mean, it sounds fun, but also crazy. Yeah, it does.

I know it was really sweet. I went to church with all my teachers. Like everybody knew everybody. It's a big farming community. All farming, really. So my high school was Future Farmers of America and Homeack. I took Homeack. Not a lot of college prep, but people went on to college, but a lot of people got out and

farmed with their families. And what was your role in this school? Were you class clowny? I was Klaus Klawny and Pretty Kemp. Yeah. That reads. I got Miss Joe Burns and Best Looking. The superlative I got was Best Looking, y'all.

Really? I think I pegged in high school. Really. But yeah, but I was always telling jokes. And then the teachers would say, can you do the nail? for this. Can you emcee this event? And I was like, yeah. And then we had speech and drama, and I loved, and we did improv in it. My heart almost burst. But I had a boy in my class out of 42 people. He went to Juilliard. Oh, wow. And his daddy was a Methodist minister and a dairy farmer,

and he's been in movies and television and on Broadway. And then there were four boys, and he was included in that that had started a little country music band. and I think maybe got some kind of record deal, cut an album, but then they all decided to stop and they all went to college and, you know, became engineers and attorneys or whatever. Yeah. But I had a lot of talented people.

Yeah, kind of overachievers for this. You know, kind of fun people. My choir director, they were all darling. What about dating? That's a very tiny pool of folks. You date a couple people. You're halfway through all the options. I always had something cooking.

She was Miss Joe Burns. I don't know if you have a little. I don't doubt she was able to get boys' attention, but there's just so few. There's so few. And you go to church with them, and you go to school with them and all that. And they end up kind of like your brothers, really. Right, right, right. I've stayed close to all of them. But, yeah, I flirted. I mess with a lot of people's heads. I did. I thought I was like Erica Kane in this little town.

You were too big for that little town. I felt like that. Yeah. Would you go to the mall another town to like Pete Boys? Yes, Dax. We would all drive to Springfield and ride around the McDonald's. and then park in the Kroger parking lot and flirt and do. And that's where I met my high school boyfriend that I think in the country, a lot of people, like you just latch on to somebody and you think, well, I'm going to marry them and I'm going to raise tobacco and I'm going to can my own food. And I thought that with my high school boyfriend.

And then he was two years older to me and I followed him in the University of Tennessee, who then quickly broke up with me because I was a big nag because he was drinking and singing super freak at a fraternity house. And you know, Rick James and I was. coming off of Methodist Youth Fellowship, so I really ruined his time at the University of Tennessee. So then he broke up with me, but, you know, chased me after. Okay, sure, as they do. As they do.

And you met a boy at 21, or probably before, but you met a boy and got married when you were 21. I got married at 21, y'all. And I think, honest to goodness, you could have been a therapist. I think I could have been too. We could maybe therapies each other. Some people have that thing, and I can tell you've got the. thing. And you probably do too, baby. Thank you. I was at the University of Tennessee, that high school boyfriend, he was kind of my, like, I don't know if I'm even going to graduate. I'm probably going to

marry him. I don't need all this. But always in the back of my mind thinking, I'm going to Hollywood. Yeah. But isn't that crazy? I didn't know how. It didn't even dawn on me stand up. I love stand up. But anyway, I think that I was flailing so bad at the University of Tennessee. And away from home. I was away from home. Knoxville's a minute from there, yeah? Yeah, it was like, you know, three and a half hours, and I shouldn't have gone to a big university like that. I just chased my high school boyfriend. I should have gone somewhere smaller. But anyway, I went to that. I was flailing. And yeah, this guy who was 27, beautiful, smart, charismatic, built like a wide receiver in the NFL. Is he single now?

Well, I don't think you want him. Okay. He was no longer with us. Oh, okay. But it was not a good relationship. It was abusive. and he was mentally ill. You know, and back then, nobody talked about it. Yes. And you didn't know, you just thought it was mean. But he had a lot of problems and he couldn't help it. Now I look back and I think, but yeah, he swept me off my feet.

Love bomb. Uh-huh. And then would say terrible things to me. Here's my guess. He's older, you're younger. He's now living in this crazy fear that you're going to be too shiny. So he's got a shit on you so you don't feel confident enough to leave him. Was like that the cycle?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like I got to reduce you. so you don't get any funny ideas about trying to do better than me. Yeah. It's a common. And he would say things like, and I believed everything he said, except this one thing.

He said, your accent, people think you're stupid, and you need diction lessons because everybody's making fun of you. And I remember thinking, no, they're not. I mean, this is who I am. And I'm so thankful that I held on to that part of myself because I believed everything else he said. Yeah. Well, he's six years older. Do you have a good job and stuff?

Yeah. And he ended up after we divorced, very, very successful and a beautiful family and beautiful children and all that. It seemed like he had it all figured out. Yeah. It's clearly when you're 21, I'm sure. And I was a ding-don, you know. I was a ding-dong. And I was just young.

Yeah, when they're telling you all these beautiful things about you, especially if you were a big fish and then you go into this big university and you probably feel small. And then he's like, no, you're the best. Of course you're going to be like, oh, yeah, I feel special. I love it. And then the day you're married, you're like, so anyways, actually you're a piece of shit. And you shouldn't ever think about looking at another guy because they won't like you. Yeah, it isolated me from my friends and family, that kind of thing. How did you muster the courage to get out of it?

Because I imagine there's a lot of embarrassment over having to get divorced, especially where you're from and religious. Oh, I had so much shame. But, y'all, I was walking on eggshell. every day I wanted babies. He would say there's no way. I mean, if you get pregnant, I'll do, you know. Oh, my God. So all these things happened. And then I was sitting in a restaurant with him. It was Christmas. And he was just angry for no reason. It made no sense whatsoever. And we had ordered a Diet Coke or tea or something. And then he got mad at me and left me there. And this was four people had cell phones. Yeah.

On Christmas Eve, did you say? It was right for Christmas. probably mad about Christmas, I guess. I don't even know. Sure, how could he not be? That's understandable. Christmas is very maddening. And I promise y'all, God sent this waitress. I'm not kidding. It was a moment, a defining moment for me. He left me. I had no money, nothing. I guess I could have called somebody from the restaurant. I guess that's what I did. I can't remember that part. And I said, I don't have any money. And he's gone. And she said something like, I understand, honey, don't worry about it. And in her face,

could tell. She's been through this. She knows exactly. She looked like she'd had a hard life. And I swear, I feel like God sent her to say, it's enough. This is enough. You don't have to do this anymore. And I feel like God shut that door. And I was out. I left in the middle of the night when he was gone. And I went to an address at a friend's house where he wouldn't find me, even though I look back now and I don't think he would have come and done anything to me. I was just scared at the time because he was volatile. And then I never look back. I mean, I never look back.

Did he try to win you back over? Because my imagination is, you know, this guy got a younger girl. He's going to be able to control everything. And now he loses complete control. That has to be infuriating. Yeah, he cried and begged me to come back and all that. And, oh, y'all, I've never been more sure of anything in my life. Thank God.

I felt horrible for him and all that, but I thought this isn't my burden to carry. I can't. I got to get out of this because I wanted children and I wanted a good law. I mean, I couldn't live in that. Even though, you know, I was raised in a Christian home and all that, you don't want to get divorced. I just thought, no, God doesn't want me in this. I just knew he didn't. Yeah. Yeah. And my parents were behind me. Nobody made me feel bad. They probably were a little nervous about the wedding to begin with. Oh, they were. And I've often thought with my children, if I ever felt like they're making a mistake, I'm going to say something. Because I think my little mom and daddy, that generation, you know, I was riding bicycles for 20 miles, nobody knew where I was. You know, they just didn't helicopter. And I think they thought that's her decision.

But anybody around me, if they had said, you don't have to do this. Maybe even if you were still in your hometown with your close-knit group of friends, some of those girlfriends were like, uh-uh. But you probably, I don't know how many people you knew at University of Tennessee. I knew a lot of people, but once I was with him and living with him, we were isolated. Yeah. So you found your way back to university, though, yeah, after the divorce. I decided to go back to school because y'all, I was working behind the clinic counter in the department store and thought of myself as a makeup artist. Oh, sure. And they said, we want you to run a counter. My heart was being out of my body.

She was giving me the note where my salary was going to be plus commission. And it was so low. I thought. This is poverty level. And I thought, I need to go back to school. And I called my precious daddy, who's 86 now. And I said, Daddy, if I go back to school, I'll be, now this is how young and stupid I want. I go, I'll be 26 when I graduate.

He said, you're going to be 26 anyway. You might as well get an education. So my parents helped me, and I paid for my apartment. And, I mean, I had nothing. I walked out of that with nothing. And we were young and didn't have anything. What did you major in there? I ended up going back and majoring in child and family studies, crisis intervention, counseling.

Oh, really? Because I wanted to be a therapist if I didn't make it in Hollywood. But at that point, I wanted to get that degree. And Hollywood was in the back of my mind. You know, I wouldn't even thinking about that. I was just trying to survive then. Stay tuned for more armchair expert. If you dare, we get support from YouTube premium.

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Uh-huh. And then this is where you met your husband? That's where Chuck Morgan came in. Okay, so tell me about that day. Was he a regular or was he blowing through? He had come back to go to school, to get an MBA. So I was a little bit older than him finishing that undergraduate. You know, it took me like nine years on and all to get that thing.

Yeah. Anyway, he came through to work, to train, and he was in the training group at Grady's. And Grady's was kind of the snotty place to work. Like everybody wanted to work there because you can make a lot of money on ballgame Saturdays, University of Tennessee, the state on to wait all day. You made a lot of money. Yeah, yeah. So everybody wanted to work there, and he was in a training group.

He's six foot four. I just looked at him and I said, boy, you're tall as a tree. And he said, sorry. And I thought, who's that butthole coming to work at Graney's? But honest to goodness, I didn't want to date. I'd gone through that. I was in therapy. I was messed up from all that.

I cut my hair off. You're not a ding-dong. Therapy at that time? That's, like, big. Thank you. I've always loved therapy. The bad. So Chuck Morgan, I think fell in love with me that minute that he was, you know,

oh, sorry. I think he fell in love with me. I didn't know it. He doesn't talk. So then, for weeks, I mean, he'd just be lurking around staring at me. So then he started wooing me. And I was like, thank you. But I've gone through a divorce.

I was only one there, you know, 23 years old divorced. Yeah. I'm sure people whispered behind my back. She's the divorce. You know, divorce saying she's 23. All the boys tried to date me because I think they thought, she's divorced. You know, and I was like. She knows it all.

I know. I was bitter. and angry. But I loved everybody I worked with. It was a great place to work. It was like his own fraternity and sorority. Like, everywhere I go now when I'm touring, people go, I worked at Grady's. I'm like, what?

Everybody came through there. Do you ever eat at Graney? Is it still around? No, they got bought by a big chain, and then it got, got ruined. Because it was fabulous before they. It was a fern kind of restaurant, bar kind of thing. But really good food, really good customer service. Yeah.

And I feel like a wonderful training ground to even do what I'm doing now. To be with people. is waiting tables. No, you have a new set every time someone sets down. Well, and my managers would be going, because you're supposed to put a tea down, get their order, go and put their drink order down within 45 seconds. See, I'd be sitting there going, I'm from Adams, 500 people, home of the Bell Witch.

You ever heard of the Bell Witch? Andrew Jackson went as part of Tennessee history, you know, and they'd be going, but I made good tea up less tables. Chuck Morgan waited on more tables, made less tips because he would say, my name is Chuck. It's salmon, black bean soup. Oh, no. I would go.

Where are y'all from? Yeah. Oh, you are so pretty. Why did Chuck think the customer service industry was the right fit for him? He just knew the tips were there. He wanted to make money. Yeah, you wanted to make money. But y'all, he would get waiter of the year every time.

Oh, because he did all the sidework and everything. Oh, yeah. The sidewalks. Yeah. What a kiss ass. He did anything. Chuck Morgan's the kind of person. He's a good student.

He gets promoted because they're like, oh, he takes care of stuff. Chuck Morgan takes care of stuff. Yeah, we love that. That's his slogan. He might not talk, but he does take care of stuff silently. But he's a problem solver and a worker and he's going to take care of things. Okay, so how long did it take him to woo you? I mean, you have the best joke in your first Netflix stand-up special, which is like,

he bought you flowers. He did every, what's all the things he did? Tell my-law. Oh, lower you. He did all my side work. Oh, that's a nice. He would clean my ketchup bottles and tops. He would clean the women's bathroom, which you know looks like Vietnam.

And he would go and clean up before I ever said a word like I didn't ask him to. And there was many a time where I would say, you're so sweet and this is so sweet. But I'm damaged. And I got a heel. I'm not ready for something. And he just, honey, he's a mobile home salesman. He doesn't take no for an answer. And he just wouldn't take no for an answer.

He would come to my apartment, knock on the door, bring me stuff. Were you a little nervous, though? Because this sounds a tiny, tiny bit love bomby as well. I just, uh, well, it's not. But if you had just gotten out of a relationship where it started like that, I could imagine being like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You would think. But that first one was more of like words of affirmation, which is my love language.

Bullshit. Car salesman. Not like doing for me. Yeah. Acts of service. Acts of service. That's right. It's not love bombing to me because he doesn't have the toolkit to be a love bummer.

He's not, like, wildly charismatic. He can't fuck you up with his charm. Yeah. It's not a love by him. He woulded me, but it's not a, you know. Chuck is more of like, I'll take care of you and you can have as many babies as you want to and nobody's ever going to hurt you and all that kind of thing. And see, I didn't have that.

And I changed your oil. You didn't know, but it was 3,000 miles and I changed it. Yes. And your gas tank's full and I rotated your tires. This is a dream. Yeah. If you're big enough to accept that, because I got to say a lot of people need something flashier in their whole life.

They can't figure out why they don't have a good, you know. I think it takes your own kind of resolve, too, to be like, okay, yeah, I'm not going flashy. I'm going substantive, like real, especially when you're young. Yeah, especially when somebody told you you couldn't have children and all that. That's all I ever wanted besides Hollywood. I mean, Hollywood was always this out up here, but I wanted to be a mom more than anything. But you're joking as special as what, now after.

30 years. He would not pull me out of a burning bean. Yeah. This is what happens. I'm watching your special and I'm like, wow, man, yeah, I'm at an age and I've been with someone for almost 20 years. This stuff makes so much sense to me. If I were young, I just imagine my 21 year old self watching me like, I don't relate to it. And I'm watching, oh, I'm so in this demo. This is all the truth. This is all so funny. Oh, well, thank you for saying that, my darling. But why it's so good is there's like

so much truth baked into it that is kind of universal shit. Like if you're with somebody for decades, there's just some very predictable stuff we're all experiencing. Yes. And Chuck Morgan's M.O. is come home. It's talked all day at work, doesn't want to talk. I have no idea what's happened. And I like to know. Yeah.

And then I'll say, what do you want to drink with your supper? And he doesn't even answer me. Then I'm, you know, and then we get in the bed. And then he grabs my breasts. And then I'm like, I'm sorry, who are you? Yeah. I don't know you. You have not spoken to me.

So, yeah, that's our M-O. Is that Chuck, it's hard for him to open up. Yeah. And to know that I need to be. Sure. Spoken to. Spoken to. Acknowled.

Which is great material. Because when I say this on stage, like I say, Chuck loves me and wants to be with me, just don't want to speak to me. Me and lose their mind in audience. Because I guess that's what, you know, men get older and don't want to talk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so you get your girlfriends and you talk to your friends.

Well, I'll tell you why. I mean, I can answer this riddle. It's like you learn more and more. Every time you speak, there's issues. And you go, oh, I got the solution. I'm just going to shut the fuck up for the rest of my life. Especially, like, I live in house with three women. You know, and I'll just say something innocuous.

And then, like, I don't know who's on their period and who's not. And then all of a sudden there's a thing going. And then I just go, like, you know, it would be better. I'll just answer when spoken. I don't think what you're saying is anog-you- think it's innocuous. The thing I'm saying, wait, wait, back up. I mean, I don't understand.

You said you say something innocuous. Oh, yeah, yeah. It sparks something. Oh, no, yeah. It's not innocuous to say, like, does anyone want to go up to Cafe 101? And then now one's like, we always eat there. No, she gets her way, then blah, blah, blah. Then it's a fucking tornado.

And I go, great. Tomorrow I'm not going to suggest going to Cafe 101. I'll wait until everyone tells me where they want to go on. I'll drive everyone there. You know, you kind of slowly, learn it's a path of least resistance. My oldest child is a boy who's from heaven. And I've got two girls who are also from heaven. But when everybody started fighting, and there was a lot of fighting and everybody's starfish and somebody in the bag and, you know, all that. He would just

slowly walk out the door and go get a baby gun and shoot at a tree or something or do woodworking or start with him. Your son, right? Yeah, because he doesn't like conflict. Yeah, and he said these girls, you know, when Chuck Morgan said something, they're at their daddy. And he'd go, let it go, let it roll off your back. But he would just take out the door. He's a hunter and a fisherman, outdoorsman. So he would just go outside and just avoid the whole thing. Once Chuck Wooz you, you get married, you have your degree.

You kind of settle into a domestic life. Yes. I'm breastfeeding. Your breastfeeding. Congrats. Thank you. Precious and sweet. My girls wing themselves.

and my boy would have still been nursing. Sure, sure. Until he met his wife. Yeah, and Chuck Morgan was working. After he graduated from MBA school, bought a used mobile home business that refurbished mobile homes, never walked in a mobile home in his life. He bought that because this was the first George, the Big Bush,

not George, but the daily bus. First Iraq thing. So, like, jobs when he was interviewing. Yeah, you know, there weren't great jobs out there. So he bought this business, moved us to the foothills the Appalachia Mountains in Bean Station, Tennessee. Okay. And then I got pregnant with Maggie close at, you know, they're like two years apart, all of them.

But I wanted a little money. My mama's always had a business. I feel like I'm an entrepreneurial person. I wanted to be home with those babies and nurse, but I also want to get my hair highlighted by the baby. And outfit, do have my own thing. I started selling jewelry at home parties. I don't even care about jewelry.

But one of my friends said, I'm doing this and you can work at night. Have a good time. Eat some dip and a brownie shoot, you know, crap and then make a little money. So I started doing that. Yeah, door-to-door jewelry sales. Yeah. Somebody'd have a party and I would go and lay out all this jewelry. But I was doing stand-up.

You were figuring that out. I was figuring that out. Some of my first material. It's another set, right? You walk into this house. They're all strangers. You got to win them over. It's just like doing 15.

somewhere, right? Yes. I'd never been to a comedy club until Chuck Morgan took me to go see my sister. She was living out in Huntington Beach. She was working for an office furniture company and young in her 20s. And so we came out here and I said, I would like to go on the hearse tour. Were you riding a hearse and see who's been murdered in Hollywood? Shot and loved. I like old Hollywood. I like old Hollywood facts. Well, like Faddy Arbuncle. Do you know how close we are to the Black Do you know where like 15 houses down? Yeah. Yeah, it's right there. The Hodel house. Oh, my Lord. Yeah. And it delivers. Frank Lloyd Wright's son made it. So it's like this crazy look in Mayan pressed concrete construction house. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love all of that kind of stuff.

We'll knock on the door. Can we take a peek at those bodies? And you got any of them around still? I mean, that's a fascinating one. It's the darkest story I've ever consumed in my life. I don't know if you listen to that podcast about it. No. The Black Dahlia murder was the least of that man's activities. Hodel. Do you know the story of him? No. He was a doctor and he was basically the only doctor that was doing venereal disease work in I guess the 20s or 30s here in L.A. And because of that position, he knew everyone in power. Like anyone that had a hush, hush venereal situation came to Hodel. And he was hanging out with Alistair-Crawley and all those weird. in that scene and he was super into surrealists and he was obsessed with surrealist

artists and he wanted to be a surrealist but he wasn't in the black dial you repositioned this woman he killed and it's right out of a painting of a surrealist he was obsessed with he was trying to impress the other surrealist but he was hosting orgies at his house and the other part I don't even want to get into but it involves his children and there's like generations of people that are fucked up from that guy I'm just a monster all happening 14 doors down here 80 years ago. And Surrealish, you mean like Salvador Adela? Exactly.

Well, I've got to know all about this, y'all. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. There's a really horrific podcast. It's the darkest we've ever listened to. But it is phenomenal. It's really good. Yeah, yeah.

I'll find the name of it and give it to you. Boy, that was a tangent. Oh, so you come to Huntington Beach. So I come to that and I go, I want to go on the Hearst Tower. And, of course, Chuck said this is twisted. And then he took me, I said, I want to go to the comedy store. Yes. And I went to the comedy store.

and that's the first time I saw Stand Up Live, and it set me on fire, my heartbeat out of my body, and I thought, I can do it. I know I can do this. Then we got married, then go to Bean Station. We go in the middle of nowhere at Bean Station, Tennessee. Then I start selling jewelry, but the whole time thinking, by then I had the idea I can do stand-up.

I don't know when. I don't know how. I don't know where, but I'm going to do it. Can I guess the trip to the comedy store, the moment was up until then you had only seen, polished performance. You'd seen probably Richard Pryor live on sunset. Richard Lewis, all these people on Johnny Cash. One hour, complete, well-refined, fully finished products.

But you go there and you're like, oh, you see a guy with a piece of paper, he's trying out a new joke. You go, oh, I don't have to start at Richard Pryor level. There's intermediate steps between that thing I've seen and this. Dom Herrera. There was all these unbelievable people I got to see that night. And I did. I thought, okay, that's what I'm supposed to be doing. I know I can do it. So once you get back and you're selling the jewelry and you're kind of working out some bits and you may be going to have some material, when's the first time you go on a stage and do like an open mic night,

I guess? No, because I'm in Morristown, Tennessee. We then moved to Morristown where Chuck was raised. It was right up near Bean Station. Bean Station is very rural. And then Morristown has, you know, got hospitals in a country club. Oh, right. So we are in church.

We've got this really nice Sunday school class. It's all of our friends and everybody's social and has got their little baby. babies together and everybody goes to everybody's birthday parties. Well, a guy in that Sunday school class said, I'm in the Kiwanis Club. We need somebody to see the Kiwanis Capers land, like a local thing. So I did that, thought this is my debut. And you were probably the best thing they'd ever seen. Did you kill that?

I bet you crushed it. I felt pretty good. Then there was a man in the audience who came up to me and said, I own a sandwich shop. It has a stage. I have bands. Would you want to do stand-up? Wow. Yeah.

And he goes, okay, here's an hour. An hour? The first time I ever did it, I did an hour. No, no, no, no, no, no. And it was crazy. And I got so scared that I went to an E&T that day thinking that I had a tumor. Yeah. I could not move my neck.

I was that, I'm not kidding. I said, something's wrong with me. And he goes, I don't see anything wrong with you. And I go, well, I'm doing this tonight. And he goes, I think you're just scared. So then I had a, to prepare for it. I had, you know, when your baby goes to kindergarten. Did you memorize this?

No. No. I had a kindergarten tablet where my boy, you know, was in preschool and, you know, would do his letters. So I got that pad and wrote down points, like just words of stories I knew I could tell that I had been telling. Yeah. You know, with girlfriends for exercise or whatever. And so what I knew I thought would work. And then I had a, it was like a sheet music thing.

on this stage, and Chuck had the babies. By then, there were three babies all under the age of five, probably. And he was in our minivan, and people said they could see him, because it was a big glass thing behind me, driving back to board these babies to make sure I was okay. And there was about 50 people, and it sold out just because there's nothing else to do there. A man did film it that night, and I wake up at 3 o'clock in the morning thinking, where's that film?

Because I'm sure it sucked. It's no telling what I said, y'all. It's no telling what I say. You had an hour to fill. For people who don't know, like, people work on an hour-long act for six months. They're trying on new jokes. Right. And Lord, back then, 10 years took you to get 45 minutes, exactly, then do anything.

But, yeah, so then he said, well, this is work out great. You want to do this every month or every two weeks or whatever? So I started doing that at this little sandwich shop. Always an hour. Yeah. Wow. Wow. And throwing stuff in, throwing it out.

I don't even know what I said, y'all. People around town would say, can you do a program at the rotary? We'll pay you $50. I'd drop the baby off at preschool and go do that. So I did all those kind of things. Anybody would let me do. Then Chuck Morgan sold that business and went to work for a large mobile home company, Berkshire Hathaway company, Warren Buffett, and then moved us to San Antonio. And that's where I had a club for the first time.

I did open mic one time. Thought I was going to vomit. Isn't that funny because you'd already been doing this hour-long show? And I was like, oh, no, because I'd have. To me, comedy club was a real deal. It's the power of framing in your head. It's like, that thing's that. So I don't care.

This thing is terrifying. Now I cares. And you're doing the exact same thing at both places. But I always forget this. When the baby was 18 months old, I did call Zanis in Nashville, a cold call and said, can I come and do, I didn't even know what an opener was. Before San Antonio, I called and said, can I just come? And he goes, yeah.

And it's Brian Dorpman, who's now my concert promoter, who's my dear friend. And I didn't even know you do drink specials. and stuff. I did whatever they told me. Billy Gardell was the headliner from Mike and Molly and was precious. And then Brian Norman got me in the office and said, I think you've got something, Lan. I really do. But he said, you've got three babies. There's no way you can do this. You can't do comedy clubs and raise those children. And he said, Roseanne would have them in a station wagon in the parking lot. You know, he said, it's just too hard. And then to build the career, you've got to be out on the road. Yeah, I was mad that he said it, but he was right.

But anyway, he encouraged me. Then I go to San Antonio, and that's where I've got Austin. I drive to Austin. They've got one of the best comedy clubs, Cap City Comedy Club. Rich Miller owns it, who's Dennis Miller's brother and Jimmy Miller's brother. Then I felt like I was in the game. I was in the game, I guess. But Comedy Central was coming through there, and Montreal, Aspen, I never got anything.

They never wanted me. But I was a young mom talking about somebody do-doing on the T-ball field, had on the kitten hill. You know, everybody was edgy. Yeah. You know, Sarah Silverman was big. They didn't want me.

Yeah. What did it turn out okay. Yeah. So the pilot deals, when did those come along? What ages were you in, like, networks? Charlie was my boy, was in sixth grade when I got the first one. That was with ABC and Warner Brothers. Tom Warner.

Tom Warner, love him. Loved him. What a sweetheart. And I thought, oh, this is it. He'd done Roseanne. He did Third Rock. All that. I mean, crazy.

And I loved everybody on the whole thing, my writer, everything. Writer Strike hit. Now, I don't know if it would have made it. I always act like, oh, I think it would have made it. But you know how those things are. But I got money for that deal. I never had that before. The deals after that, I never got another dime.

But I thought, this is my big thing. and then the writer strike hit, it was over in a second. And then reality television, you know, was big. But I remember being so depressed. Like I really went through, I think, a clinical depression over it because it was so big and then it was over in seconds. But I was always doing those Dubuque, Iowa things, and all these little corporate things and clubs.

So many clubs, like five clubs would book me two times a year. If I could be super nosy, like, what are you cobbling together at the end of the year from all these gigs? do you think you're making over these years? Oh, Lord, y'all. Nothing. Like 30 grand a year? Yeah, maybe. Maybe 30 to 50 or something. Yeah. For 20 years, I would get 2,500 plus travel, sometimes pay your travel out of it, but I was your $2,500 girl. And I would think, if I could just get to $5,000, this would change my, and I got it a couple of times and thought, ooh, and all my friends around me and comics around me were getting, you know, $7,000, $7,500, $10,000.

and they were working a lot of clubs. Yeah. But I worked clubs for like $1,500 for the week, take your travel out of it. But they would provide a hotel. But anyway, then I did a dry bar comedy special. And at the time, the manager I had at the time said, I don't know what this is, Liam,

but you might as well do it. You don't have anything else going on, basically. And it was like a clean, the premise of dry bar. Clean comedy. On the internet. I was like Drybar, the hair thing. I do love a dry bar. Yeah, sure.

But no, this was the comedy. and they were very successful and did all these little like 30 minute specials. I think mine was 45 and I had not worked enough. I was not on my game. I didn't feel like I did a bunch of old material because I didn't know. I just didn't even know. They filmed it. We didn't think anybody's ever going to say it.

There's one clip that got 55 million views. Wow. But I could not sell tickets. I was getting gigs, but they weren't good gigs. They weren't what I wanted. And I was working like a meal and it was like $2,500. We won't pay your travel out of it. You're staying on a motel on the side of the road where you could be raped and murdered

and then are your Uber driver's home, marijuana. You know, it was all that. And I thought, I'm 50, 51. I cannot be doing this. Neil Brandt told me all those rooms were painted. Kill yourself Brown. Somehow all the hotels on the road tour were all painted. Kill yourself Brown.

Uh-huh. I love my Neil Brennan. Okay. And then that's when I went to dinner with Chuck Morgan. I started crying, and that's the first time in 20-something years I thought. I don't think anything's going to happen because I had had so much hope. Even when I was raising these precious children in Knoxville, Tennessee, I never felt like one of the cool kids where I was in the game, Comedy Central didn't want me,

all that, but I'd get a television deal again. I get with TV land, Nick at night, and then Sony, and then all that, so it would give me enough to keep going. Yes. But I just thought, nothing is happening. This is bad. I'd be right to guess you're running out of people to look to. Like, I was just talking to someone about this the other day.

For so many years, the thing you are told is like, well, Ray Kroc didn't invent McDonald's until he was 52. And then you know maybe this actor didn't pop, Rodney Dangerford. There's a handful that didn't pop. But then when you start getting to be that age or beyond it, and you're like, well, I no longer have an example of someone older than me that's still hit. I just thought, I don't want to be in my 50s in some pitiful hoax. town.

Yeah. Feeling like I'm not safe. Looking like a loser. I thought, I just can't keep doing this. And I knew that Charlie got married right out of college. They waited five years to have my first grandbaby, but I thought, I know I'm going to be a grandmama. Yeah.

And I'm from the country. Grandmamas tend of their grandbabies and all that. I thought maybe that's what God's wanting me to do. And then I said to Chuck, nothing's happening. Maybe I should open up. I always thought it would be nice to have a hardware store because I thought I can sell canning goods and I can dazzle. Talk to customers.

Yeah, I can dazzle. Or pop popcorn at the NASCAR track or at Ace Hardware. And he said, that's crazy, you know. And then this is one thing that I'll pat myself on the back for because I never invested in myself and I really wasn't a good business person when it came to this whole comedy business. I mean, I could build relationships. I'm easy to be around. I don't suck the life out of a room.

I know that kind of stuff. But two head shots, I wasn't doing like I should have. So then I thought, what's just? Jim Gavkin doing. Nate Bargastie was just starting to pop, and I thought, what is he doing? Because I'm about a year and a half behind him. And I thought he's selling out clubs.

He's starting to go into small theaters, and I want to be in small theaters. And I thought they've got social media people. That's the difference. And I knew that television, nobody's watching local news. I knew nobody was looking at a newspaper. Everybody's quitting. Yeah.

And I thought, how does anybody know how to find anybody if I don't have a Comedy Central half hour, if I don't have all that? And so I thought, I'm going to have, hire social media people. And I think that I was one of the first, they had social media people, but I think I got on that train early, early enough before social media really took off and before COVID. And I hired these young guys. It was a fluke that we found them. And they knew my voice. They got a mom that's just like me. Where were they out of, Knoxville? Plano, Texas. Plano, Texas. Wow. I didn't have an agent. I had a manager.

But this person said, these guys kind of know what they're doing. Yeah. They'd had a one comedian. They were doing marketing for, like, local mom and pop stores. And so I was the second comedian they took. They put out one video. I think it's one video. It might have been the second one. I wish I'd journaled all of these.

You're talking about Deaf Leppard, taking Chuck Morgan to Def Leppard? To Def Leopard and Journey, and everybody looks sick and had plantar fasciitis. And nobody could stand up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And everybody looks sick in the band. And people must have resonated in the band. Because, you know, you go to these concerts now, you see Foghant. I don't even want to say his name because he's a beloved legend, especially in the South.

But my best friend, Aaron, who's in town, he just the other night went and saw a concert in Detroit. And he said, he said, I was on a chair. And he was asleep for a good chunk of the show. And many times I was like, oh, my Lord, are we seeing the passing of said legend? It can get a little sad, you know. Yeah. Yeah. And, y'all, I was on a plane with a darling guy.

that was sound asleep, wadded up in his seat, tatted up with long hair, looked like a rocker. We were landing, and the attendant said something to me. He woke up and goes, are you that comedian that talks about Deaf Lebron and Journey? And I went, yeah. And he had little legs and rocker, and he goes, oh, my gosh, that is so funny and that's so accurate.

He goes, get along to what I do. He travels with ACDC, Aerosmith, oh, who all did it, Rolling Stones. and he looks like he can play every instrument. His job is to fill it. Nobody knows who he is. But he fills in. All the gaps.

And he said, I was just with ACDC last night. I thought somebody was having a stroke. He said, he looked blank. And then they start playing again. And he goes, it scared me to death. But he goes, that is so true. But look at them out there doing that at their age. God love them.

But anyway, that resonated with people. And people started then saying, well, what else does she have? They saw that and liked that. And it was like somebody turned a light on in a dark room. I'm not kidding. I could not sell tickets, nobody cared. And within weeks selling out all over the United States. That's incredible.

Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare. I'm sorry, I'm still giggling thinking about these musicians, simply because in rest and peace, I loved him. I got to be around him a bit through sobriety. Ozzy Osbourne, right? And he was playing this benefit to raise money for this treatment center. It's great, great cause. And I was the one hosting him. And then I kind of hung on the stage and there was a monitor in front of the microphone. His karaoke, you know, is the lyrics. And I certainly expected he didn't know some of them. But, you know, it was Iron Man. And I noticed he was dialed into the monitor at the I am Iron Man part.

Yeah. Age will get all of us, you know, if we're lucky. And we're lucky. Well, and, you know, the many things he consumed in the day. Well, that's the other thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We did have someone on recently who, you just, I know, I'm going to be careful, but they're just like, whoa, yeah.

You lived a very hard life. The bill comes due. And yeah. Yeah. That's true. It shows. It eventually it shows. Well, and I've a lot of white flour, y'all.

I've eaten a lot of white flour and sugar because I went out in this Hollywood thing, which is also freeing because, like, little Kristen's, body. When I saw her at then I thought, no wonder she's a star. Look at her little fanny. And then, you know, but I made it later where I can still eat pork sausage. Yeah. I don't have that. I feel like in my mind I'm 19 and I'm like an it girl. No, I'm not. You are. So that's okay. But you know. No, you are. It's all perspective, though, right? You could feel completely liberated. Like, how rad that the angle I came in at does it require me to do all that shit and I can still eat pork socks? That's lucky. If I'd have made it when I thought. I'd have made it when I think. I'd have made it when I

thought I was going to make it, y'all. One, I think it's no telling what would have happened to me. You wouldn't have had Ag McMuffin in decades. I wouldn't have had a muffin. I wonder, because now that I've been out here and the pressure you feel like when you're on a television set, which I've got a wonderful crew, but I feel like sometimes they're looking at me like, you're a star and then the next minute looking at like, you suck. And I think, if I'd have been 20 and I felt that?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no. It's a tough place to be. It's the ultimate make-yourself-conscious career. And city. I mean, this city is just full of people trying to do the same thing. So it's a constant comparison. It's tough out here. Yeah, and I'm kind of in a lane by myself.

And so I can still eat. Yeah, yeah. As you should. Pork sausage and a biscuit. And you should. Yeah. Exactly right. But then I think, am I going to get dementia because I've eaten too much white flour?

Well, that's, you know. I'm trying to take fish oil. Okay. I know. I love your supplement. You love your magnesium. I do love a magnesium. Thanks.

You know a lot about me. How precious you don't. I tried to. You angel, and I'm loving your hair line. Aren't you thankful? Because all these boys out here have to go to Turkey. By the way, I have said many times, I think I'm going to book one of those flights just to observe it. Have you seen the flights?

Yes. In the blood? The blood? They have tons of bandages on their head. They're all bleeding. They're taking their meds. I know. When I see somebody with a head of hair,

I think. You need to thank the Lord for that. I'm fucking drops three times a day. It fucks up my hair. It's great. Like I am adding so many drops to my hair to keep it. To keep it. Yeah, because we were on vacation like three summers ago. My daughters took a picture of me and we're looking at it and they go, Dad, what's happened to your hair? And all of a sudden I saw it for the first time. Oh my goodness. I think it falls like 40% of it the last four months. Chuck took propitia for a while and I was like, you didn't even tell me that. I could have touched that. What if I got pregnant? Because I can get so pregnant so Not now because I'm 60, but I could have back then.

I could look at him and get pregnant. But I'm like, you didn't tell me that was propitia. Because it would be on the table and I'd be like, I could have touched that, Chuck. He doesn't tell me anything. Okay. Well, we've established he doesn't know how to talk. He does not tell me anything. But he grew one little thing of hair in my first Netflix special.

I talked about, we went snorkeling in Maui. And that one thing of hair was in that video. I need to find that VHS tape. And then I think he just finally said to his hair, just cut. Just cut. Let's stop. And then he had the whole Justin Bieber thing. I mean, yeah, Justin Bieber, Justin Timberlake, that.

Okay. And now he doesn't care. Oh, yeah. Okay, so in rapid succession, you have a Netflix special. That's enormous. That's in the top 10 of all their comedy specials. And then is the movie with Willfair and Reese Witherspoon next? I think that was next.

Did you have any fear? about acting. Scared out of my mind. And Little Reese Witherspoon had done that for me. I met her in Nashville right after my mom and had a stroke. And we were at after CMA's party, which

nobody knew who I was. The video had come out, but nobody knew, and somebody snuck me in, and I was like staring at Reeveyingtire. And she said to me, who are you? And she was darling, but she was like, who are you? And I go, nobody. And so, Little Reese Witherspoon, I just looked at her and I go, my mom in a

stroke and she held my hand. Anyway, she had started following me. I'd gotten my first tour, COVID hit, ruined, I mean, didn't ruin that tour, but moved it. I thought, I'm finally going to make it and then now this. But it all turned out okay. Went on that tour. I was selling out, so I got that Netflix special. She's why we saw you at the Opry.

We took her tickets. She was like, hey, guys, I know you're in Nashville. I have these tickets. I can't go. Do you want to go? That's how we went. Oh, my darling. Yeah, yeah.

that angel, and she really does want to see people do well. I mean, she really does. But she got me that part, and they said, you've got a table read, and I was on tour, and y'all, I didn't even know what a table read was. I called my little friend that his daddy was the dairy farmer and Methodist preacher that went to Juilliard, and I go, what's a table ring?

He goes, well, they want you, Lane. They must want you, so be you. There was a lot of language in that movie, and they had a lot of language in the script, and I spell cussed it. Because I'm from the south, and I just couldn't, I'm a mama and a grandmama, and it got laughs in the room.

And then Nick Stoller said to me, you do what you did. Because I said, a little mama in the South with four kids standing with her because my character had four kids at a wedding would not say this, Nick. And he goes, you know better than I do, Lynn, do you? So I did that. And I think, you know, it all turned out good.

And they were all darling to me, but I was scared to dance. We interviewed Nate. Yeah, and he was saying that he'd have to go in and switch out swear words. for things he thought were comparable. He was raised just like I was. Probably more strict than I was. I was raised kind of Methodist, kumbaya. But yeah, I got this language thing, y'all.

It was my great-grandmother. Yeah. You still have it. You still don't swear. I still have it. Do you ever swear with your girlfriend? You do with your girlfriends. No.

You don't swear, period. And maybe under my breath when I'm alone. S-H-I-T. Okay. So you do that movie. It's fun, though? Is it fun? So fun.

I wish I could go back and do it again because I was so scared. Yeah. And now that I look at it and they kept saying to me the whole time, you'll never have it this good again. Everybody's so fun, so sweet. And I go, what are they doing to y'all in Hollywood? Are people screaming at y'all? They go, yeah.

Also, Will, such a beautiful, benevolent man. Reese is taking care of you. Like, that is the ideal scenario. It was darling. And Nick Stoller, precious. He wrote the first movie I've ever did. I adore Nick. Yeah, he's incredible.

Precious. And then Rory Scoval played my brother, Celia, play my mother. Who I love more than anything. She was on this show, Bless This Mess I did, and I got to tell her how much I loved her in Florida and with disaster.

I found her to be the most lovely. I wanted to bring her up when I was watching your show. I love her. What a blessing she is. What a blessing she is. Yeah, yeah. Brilliant and funny.

From an interesting background, too. Uh-huh. Who do you do people? Yeah, yeah. What was that? Real well-to-do. Old money, South. Debutante.

Her mother didn't want her to work because you don't do that. Yep. But honey, she had a dream and she was like, I'm doing it. And everybody was like, okay, but precious. And I love her on my lover. She plays your mom. She plays my mom and I'm so thankful.

She loves to work and wants to still do it. And Blake Clark plays my dad. Yes, yes, so funny. Everyone's so funny. Okay, so how do you and Chuck Lori end up crossing paths? My manager sent him my special and said, just look at her and see what you think. And he said, I want to do a sitcom with her. Wow.

And flew to Knoxville. Warner Brothers flew him because he said, I don't want her to come out here to Hollywood and think that I'm blowing smoke of her butt because I'd had those five deals that didn't make it. Yeah. You know, and I was pretty wary after that. So he came and we had lunch for him,

and he sat and held my grandbaby. Oh. And said, Land, I can tell you put in 10,000 hours. I can tell you're the real deal. Will you do a television show with me? P.S. I'm the most successful comedic showrunner of all time. Would you like to do a show with me? And Chuck Morgan watches Big Bang Theory every day.

Sure. And he's always got that running behind everything. Yeah. That must have been a moment for him. One of the moments of like, oh, she really doesn't need me. Chuck Lori's here asking her. New Chuck. And Chuck Morgan was very starstruck about him.

Yeah. And Chuck's an intimidating man because he's quiet. You're not getting a comedian with Chuck. He's kind of reserved and serious, but brilliantly funny. And he and Chuck Morgan. connected because Chuck Morgan's quite intimidating. Yeah, yeah. And so he loves Chuck, my Chuck, and always ask about him.

And honey, when he says we're going to do a television show, there's no red tape. There's no pilot. There's a show. Everything just boom. And we went, y'all. And I didn't know the linga. I didn't know anything, but I had to learn it quick. Y'all, I thought I had some kind of gastrointestinal disease for six weeks.

And I told my baby, because my baby child was living with me where we ran a house here. And I said, pick up your stuff and let's go. This is too much. And I don't need this. I can do stand-up. I mean, I was so intimidated and freaked out. And I don't know what was my age or if it's, you know, I just have never. It was a big learning curve for me.

But it felt right to me. Yeah. I was freaked out, scared to death. But I thought it feels right to me. It's your voice. They got your voice. Luckily, they did it. did the job. They knew how to encapsulate you. Yes. So, you know, Hollywood's been back here

this whole time and now it's here. How do you feel? I know that people say to me, Lean, you can't just go into every interview and going, I don't know how this happened. All shucks. But I feel. Sometimes all shunks is warranted. Yeah. My book is called What in the World because every day I just go, what in the world? So many wonderful things happen. But I felt this as a child. I feel like this was in my imagination. I knew this was going to happen. I only had one in my 50s where I got scared and thought it's not going to happen. Thank God for Chuck Morgan.

Thank God for Chuck Morgan. I was saying, no, that's crazy, and you can do it. But I never knew it was going to be this big and this wonderful. Can you feel it? Yes. Okay, good. And then doing an arena tour. Yeah, what?

When I could not get arrested for 20 years and that I'm in there. And when they give me the numbers from Netflix and I don't see them often, But I think, I'm in there with Dave Chappelle. Yes. And I know Dave Chappelle, I've met him now a couple of times if I hope he remembered me. But I bet all those guys that I'm in there with are like, who is that? Who was that woman? You know, Jerry Seinfeld, I'm close to him.

He gives me wonderful advice all the time. I've gotten to meet David Letterman. David Letterman said to me, how did you do this, Lynn? It's hard enough to get where you are. But with three babies, how did you do that? And that means a lot to me. Yes, yes. So I hadn't seen the show, full honesty.

And then I started watching this show yesterday before I started all my research, right? So I don't even know anything about the show. I just have it in my screener's box. And I start watching my childhood best friend who's in town right now. We're laughing up a storm. My 13-year-old's watching. She's laughing up a storm. Kristen passes through.

She's like, I got to go to bed. And she sits down. And then now she's hooked. And she's like, oh, my God, this is so good. I swear to guys, I said out loud, I go, it's like Chuck Lorry good. I'm like every single joke. The one of the jokes in the new seasons. So the first episode of the second season,

your father's gone missing. He's stuck at a dollar story. Can't figure out self-checkout, which I couldn't agree with him more. I'll stay in in a line with 100 people at Kroger in Mount Juliet before I'll go to that fucking self-checkout. I'm like, I'm paying money. Give me a human.

Anyways, your mom says, maybe he was kidnapped. You're all looking for him. And then your sister goes, for what? Paint cans? And I'm like, that's such a specific old man joke. Like every old man accumulates several thousand cans of things. Why?

Why are they? We can't get rid of. We might need to do a touch up. We might need to do a touch up, but we can never figure out what color goes to what can because there's so many cans and then they get russed. I mean, everything is like, it's the fourth version of the joke, right? It's not the first joke.

And it's like so fleshed out. And each one is fucking a silver bullet. Oh, I'm so glad you think I am. That means a world to me. My ultimate compliment would be like, like it feels like a Chuck Lorry show, and then lo and behold, I look, and it is a Chuck Lori show. And you're phenomenal on it.

The people you're with have just done hundreds and hundreds of hours of sitcoms. And we don't know that. You're an alien. Okay, Alien, watch this show. Who's new to this? No fucking way they can point you out. Oh, thank you, my darling. Well, that's a relief to hear from you.

I feel like the second season, I was, you know, more confident. That first season, through the middle, I thought, okay, baby, I can do things. But I hit Tim Daly. I mean, when you've got people like Christian Johnston and there, it really helps somebody that doesn't know what they're doing. I mean, it really did help me. But I do think that's why standups are good at sitcoms. Well, you have the audience.

And you learn real quick. They tell you how to do it really quick. Now that we've learned all this about you, how are you policing yourself? Because if I'm, I've waited 60 years to get here, and then I come to you and I go, okay, so we can do 25 arena shows. and let me show you what the walk out of those shows is.

Okay, and then you can do this sitcom and that's, let me show you the walk out of that. How are you policing yourself to not just do everything because it's such a windfall? Like, is that something you struggle with or have tension around? A little bit, my darling. Now, because this is probably 150 shows. I just started about a month and a half ago, and that'll go through 2007 and I'll owe Netflix another special. Wow. And you wrote a book.

And I wrote a book. That was a couple of years ago. And then I've got a few little movie things that people have offered me. I mean, I did a Judd-A-Petal movie with Glenn Pail. I had a small part in. Oh, I audition for that. What part? The Dean in the College.

Oh. Yeah, I'm the old Dean. That flirts. I think I'm getting typecast to now and be the flirty old woman. Oh, he loved that. But I like it. And I'm a flirt. I do love me and I've loved them all my life.

And Glenn Pell was Darlane and yummy and precious and like being with your best friend you went to Hosco with and then Jud Appetal. It was like Nick Stoller. Like, Lynn, he goes, don't memorize that script.

Let's have fun. And it's so fun. And then he's got the voice of God and we're all laughing and having a ball. It was a ball. I hope I get to do more things like that. For all the not good luck you had,

you got it all now. I mean, the fact that you're working, the people you're working with is preposterous kind of. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I go, what in the world, y'all? You do have to raise your children.

You really did get to do both things, which is almost impossible. I did, and Reese Witherspoon said that to me. Every day, Lean, you got to raise your own children. And I just look back, y'all, and how, if I'd have had that television deal at 40, would they be the children they are today? I don't think so. You'd have to move them all out here. And then Chuck Morgan, what's he going to do now?

He has a career he's been working his ass off for. And so what's he supposed to do? Come visit you guys. Right. And Matt Williams had my second deal that created Roseanne and Home Improvement, and he said, Lynn, don't let your family move out here. Don't let Chuck quit his job because it'll get canceled. It's not going to even make it probably, which we didn't even shoot a pilot for that one.

But I thought, can you imagine if I had to move away from my children so they could stay in their school? And I know Ray Romano did that for a while. But I was the mama. Yeah. You know, I couldn't have done that. Okay. So I have had the pleasure of spending the last two summers. You know, we built the house in Nashville.

Yes. And we've been on the lake the last two summers. And I have loved it for numerous reasons. And I've talked about them on here a lot. But culturally, it's much, much different. I would say, like, I'm from Detroit. I lived in L.A. for 30 years. And then now I've been in Nashville for a couple summers and tons of time throughout the year.

And certainly, like, I'd put Detroit in the middle of that spectrum, right? Like I'd put Nashville on, you know, let's say the far right that's convenient. And then California will weigh the fuck out here in Detroit. Somewhere in the middle. So I'm enjoying a lot of the things I remember about growing up in Michigan. Like, for instance, when I meet, I probably met 100 people since I lived there. I'm friends with my neighbors. When I meet people, I've never been told what someone does for a living.

I hear about how many kids they have, whether they in college or not, where they took them for spring break, took my kids out, you know, ones a golfer, all this stuff. It's just kids, kids, kids, kids. And that's our life. So I love that part. go to the opera, go like, oh, man, I get this. It's so different. And yet I completely get it. I see the value of this.

And you've now spent a chunk of time in L.A. between doing the shows and stuff. What is it do you think that people don't understand about the South? I don't think people understand that we are educated people. I've had people say to me that people wear shoes. And I'm like, you know? And they think that we're close-minded. that we're down on our luck.

And I mean, people are down on their luck everywhere, sadly. But I don't think they realize how really, truly hip and fun and eccentric that Southern people are and we're storytellers. And, I mean, we have Elvis. You know, we have all these unbelievable artists. I mean, it's just an eclectic place that is fascinating. I think people are fascinated by us, but we get a lot of stereotyping. But I think we're fascinating.

I do, and we are very family-oriented. Yes, and do you think that people think the women are oppressed? Yes, people from here have said things to me that are bizarre. And I think, you can't help it, but you don't know. That's not what we are. Yeah. What I observed a lot was like, Chris and I both, we were like, we come to it with, we've been given these same stereotypes.

They're on TV. They're on everything else. And I go, you know, you. can say whatever anyone wants to say, but people are pretty fucking happy here. And the women are fucking pretty happy here. So of all the judgment or whatever, the thing is like, what I'm observing is hard to make peace with this other thing I'm hearing. Like, they're happy as fuck. Yeah. I'm from Georgia. So I get it. But I also just don't think that's, it's not like they're happy. They're people. There are people who are happy and sad and working. Like, women are

working there. I think maybe that's a stereotype, maybe that none of the women work. which isn't true at all. All of my friends work who are there. Right. All the women. So is that what you mean, maybe? No, I think there is a sect. I'm not putting you in this thing, but I think there's a sect of liberals that think,

oh, there, stay at home. The husband still goes to work. They raise the kids. They think they're oppressed by a traditional. Like the 50s. Yeah. The traditional American structure is still very much alive there. And I think a lot of liberals think that that's a whole.

oppression. And I'm there and I'm saying, well, if this is the face of oppression, then sign me up for oppression. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. That's what I've observed. We're getting to do everything. I mean, we're doing everything and we're tickled and we put on a sundress to do it. I feel like I've never been oppressed. The other thing I love is there's this great, and it's all through your stand-up. And I'm like, oh, yeah, this isn't unique to you. This is South. So two of our best friends live there, Hughie and Hayes, and we get together with them. And all they do is make fun of each other and bitch about each other and like, well, he wouldn't fucking know anything about these kids because he's out and blah, blah, blah. And she's like, yeah, well, it's a routine and it's like the culture.

And it's so amusing and funny to me. I love it. And all the couples are doing that. And I don't know, that's one unique thing I've observed. And I'm like, oh, this is so funny and it's true. And your stand-up's really reflective of that thing that I observe all the time when I'm down there. And that's true. I've made fun of Chuck Morgan and I raised these children by myself, but he was making a living. But I wanted it that way. I was doing it. and stand up. I mean, I've had a good life. These children got to go to a nice school. You know, I took some tennis lessons. I mean, you know, I had a good time. They were choices. You made choices. And I do find out here a lot of women to go, we don't need men. I'm like, I need a man. I love men.

I love men. And I've got a son and I've got grandsons. And, you know, I just couldn't make a blanket statement that men are bad. I love men. A lot of my friends are men. I've had a bowl with man. I get that out here a lot. Like, we don't need man. And a lot of men on my crew have never married. And they go, I wanted to get married. And they're cute.

And I go, move to Tennessee. They're going to line up to breathe with you. You'll be married with a bunch of kids for you know. I noticed this. I have a neighbor who was precious that had a hernia surgery. So we made him a meal and took it over to him. And he had tears in his eyes. He said, nobody's ever made me a meal here.

So I know that everybody's precious here. here in California, but maybe you don't know your neighbors. Yeah. In the South, we know our neighbors and we do for each other. By the way, I snapped right in that. It's like, my neighbor, I bet he must have borrowed 25 things from me in six weeks I was there. He's like, I need your trailer again. I'm sorry.

Mine's still stuck. Great. He's like, I need to mow the grass of the house. I'm selling. My mowers are, yeah, come grab it. And then he's like, you want me to go down to the dock? The dude's going to be here. I know you're going to be.

It's like, oh, fuck, I love this. This is so awesome. And I'm built for that. I've enjoyed it so much. Oh, my darn. Yeah, yeah, I really, really do. I'm so glad. Yeah, I really.

It is sweet. It is. And, of course, now Nashville's so nifty, and a lot of L.A. people have moved there in New York, so you've got that. The Nordstrom, I remember when the Northstrom had, like, orthopedic shoes. And then all of a sudden, it was like Gucci and I thought, what's going on here? The Californians are here. All the California, hoop-ty-do girls moved out there. Well, we had, it's almost fun.

We had to prove immediately we weren't those Californians. Because there's also any time a big influx of any people move in. any place. You name it. People are like, uh-oh, what's going on? And things are changing. And so we're like, don't worry, we're not that. I'll be out mowing my grass. Like, we're not those folks. And they now get

that. And yeah, it's dreamy. Well, I've got to tell you, I love the state of Michigan, honey. I think Michigan's one of the prettiest states. Oh, hard to be you go in the lakes up north. It's like, are you kidding me? It looks like the Caribbean, the water. And it's fresh. Traverse City. Yeah, Traverse City. I did the National

Cherry Festival. I won this cherry seed spit in contest when I was 12 years old at that festival. Oh, my, darling. I spent one three picnic tables. They claimed the fame. I had a ball at that Cherry Fest one. I put in my suitcase enough cherry jam to kill a horse. That sounds yummy.

I thought, and it is. It's so pretty. Now, there's a L.A. flight because people figured out about Traverse City and the lakes and all up in there. Oh, yeah, Lelandau Peninsula. And then Maconaw Island and all that. But I'm going to be in Detroit at the Fox Theater. That's a beautiful theater. We did a show there.

We did. Did this show there. And I'll say it's the only live show that I was like terrified to do. Because you know, we maybe would know you wouldn't know like you kind of adopt this. Because you're riddled with fear. I create some kind of persona that in that person is who can go on a stage in front of 3,000 people and not be afraid. But I left my hometown and created that persona. and I'm very confident on stage.

And we went there and I was like, oh, no, there's so many people that know me before I had the persona. And are they going to be like, what the fuck is this? It was kind of terrifying. Yeah. It was still fun as hell. But it's the only show I was quite scared to do. Well, I'm doing Thompson Bowling Arena where I went to the University of Tennessee and the Bridgestone in Nashville. And that will freak me out.

Yeah, right. That will freak me out. Because I'm like, the Bridgestone. Can I do this? When you're going a kid, you'd go once in Christmas to see a thing. I was like the big event of the year to get to go to the Fox Theater. Right. It's so beautiful.

The Raman. When I did the Raman, the first time, anytime I did the Raman, that's another one that's like the Grand Ole Pau-O-O-O-Wopry. You feel the spirit. Isn't that where it originally was? Yeah. And everybody wants to play the Riemann. And backstage are pictures of Elvis and Patsy Kline and all that. So cool.

It's crazy. You've yet to bring up Whalen. You've said a lot of people. I love Wayland, honey. And my boy, my son is an old soul and loved. Americana, Johnny Cash. He had the Highwayman album up on his thing. Yeah, Charlie loved all that. And we would be in the minivan listening to Johnny Cash or Selena, the soundtrack from Selena. Because we were in San Antonio and Maggie loved the Hispanic culture and Jennifer Lopez.

Dreaming of You is an incredible song. She said, I may have to have that played at my wedding. Ann, I love you. You're so fantastic. I love you. I love you. I'm so happy for you. Season two of Leanne. When does it come out on Netflix? Thursday, honey, August the 27th. Y'all can come stay at my house. Go to the University of Tennessee ballgame. You're talking about crazy, honey.

Okay, be careful. Monica's very strict about who I can like. Okay, honey, come to a ball game when we play Georgia. Actually, I was at the Tennessee game at Georgia last couple years ago. It was so fun. I was in a box. That was one of those moments that I had. like, I'm here at a box. I've gotten to be in a box one time. It's so exciting. That's so

exciting. It really is. But if I go, you need to understand I'm going to be in red. And that's okay, my darling. I like to talk about the SEC. I'm a big fan of the SEC football. So I like to talk about on that stage wherever I am. And we all have a common thing about Lane Kiffin. But he's cute. Yeah, sure. All right. You don't. Come back. Come back. This is so great. And I hope I bump into you in Tennessee. I hope so two days. All right.

All right. Be well. Thank you. Bye. I sure hope there weren't any mistakes in that episode, but we'll find out when my mom, Mrs. Monica, comes in and tells us what was wrong. Glam today. You are. From what?

Doing something very cool. Is it top secret? No. Well, maybe, but I'll spill the beans. Oh, wow. With Rezi. I'm going to different neighborhoods in L. LA and going to some of my favorite restaurants.

Oh, fun. It's my dream. Oh, my God. I know. And, like, talking to the owners and having my foodies and it's really fun. Do they feed you up these trips? Yep. Okay.

Sorry misophonia. Oh, same. We're about to trigger some misophonia. Yeah. Misophonia is part of life. We got a game plan for tomorrow's mom's car. And you're going to eat. We're going to eat the shit out of some stuff.

Okay. That's fine. You know. Listen. Once in a while, the misophony people are a guy. I guess she's going to have to miss one. Yeah, we're just like, if they have the right expectation going in, then it should be fine. Something bad did happen, though. Does it involve your phone? Oh, well, that's separate.

Okay. I'm like, I feel like I'm going to get a lot of, a lot of stories out of you. You are. Yeah. You are. Something bad just happened. Oh, my gosh. Like 10 minutes ago. Oh, my gosh.

Okay. So I'm at these restaurants. I also did have wine at 9 a.m. Oh, wow. Okay, great. Another benefit to this. Yeah, fine. Exactly.

Not a lot, but, you know. Enough. Some. Okay. And so, okay. So we're at these restaurants, super fun. We're in a really cool neighborhood in L.A. I won't spoil it.

And then I'm walking back to my car. And there's two people sitting outside eating. And I see one of them and I know him. Okay. But I don't exactly know how one of those question marks. You can't place it exactly. Yeah, but I know I know him. But I know I like, but then it's one of those or are they on TV?

Yeah, you never know in L.A. Yeah. And then, but then he makes eye contact with me and he smiles. And so I'm like, we do know each. We know each other. But what? And so I was like, hi. but I'm still walking

and he was like, hi. Oh, no. Oh, boy. And then. Were you just going to try to keep it moving? Yeah. Just like, hey. And go, yeah.

Yeah. I was going to see you. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Exactly. You look great. Yeah. He's been disfigured since you last song, but you don't know that.

New iPch. It looks great. Oh, I love your new patch. Yeah, no. So then, so he. I can tell it is like kind of trying to say hi a little but like also probably understands it's the me and swarzeninger situation yes exactly and but then this gets way worse okay so we're having this little interaction it's happening fast but I'm like moving moving moving and then the person he's with turns

around and it's a ziz oh wow okay and so then I said hey aziz oh so now you have time Now you got all the time in the world. Sit right down. And then he was like, this is kind of a David Chang situation again that I find myself in. Okay. Where I'm like, does anyone know each other here? Are we supposed to? We're kind of like Aziz and I have met.

Okay. Where and when? I auditioned for him in person, one on one with him. For Master of None? No, for a movie after that. Okay. Okay, so within the last eight years. Yeah.

Okay. And I think he knows who I am. Sure. Prominent Indian woman. Yeah. I do think that buys me a little something. But mainly it's the interaction we had. We had a real one-on-one interaction.

Yes, at the audition. Yeah, but it was just me and him. And he was like going through it with me. I didn't book it. So then he's like, hey. Oh, gee. So now he's you with the other guys. Now we've got a three-way, no one doesn't do anyone in.

Correct. It's a, it's a, bring around the rosy of people who don't know each other. But is it enough context clues where you're like, okay, so I kind of know the one guy. Who do I know that with Noah Z's? This must be a UCB connection. Yes, all this was happening, but not yet because maybe the wine. I don't know. I was like, because he said, hey, and I was like, and then I just walked.

Oh, you just bounced. Yeah, just went to my car. Oh, my gosh. This was not resolved. Well, it did get resolved because then I'm in my car and I'm like, what the, what was all that? And then I realized who the original person is. Okay. Shout out.

Lee Eisenberg. Okay. Lee is a very, very prominent comedy writer. Okay, great. He's incredible. Yeah. He created jury duty. Oh, wonderful.

It went on the office and like, yeah. How did you know him? Exactly. he is married to one of my new friends. Okay. Yes. All right. He lives in this neighborhood.

This is what you played Majan with? Yes. I have new friends. Okay. And they live in the neighborhood. Oh, that's, this is very rough. I know, but let me tell you something. Okay.

I've never met Lee in person. Oh, easy. Okay. I thought you spent an evening playing Majan with him. No, no, no. That's why the cat was the way you might be playing. No, no, no. Only Emily has beautiful.

lovely wife I play mahjong with. But of course, like, we've all been trying to hang out. It's a whole thing. You're all on a text. Oh, boy. Okay. And, and I know what he looks like because I follow Emily on Instagram, so I see pictures and stuff. Yeah. So I, that's what happened. Okay, that's not bad. It could be worse. You've never met him in person. I know, but then I'm like, hi, Aziz. We're clean as a cucumber in a bathtub. I think the Aziz part really ruined it, though, because I bet Lee was like, what? She's going to say hi to Aziz.

Yeah, that part. She doesn't know him. Not ideal. But I have met Aziz more times than I've met Lee. Yeah, 100% more times. And then I immediately. Well, now actually 50% more times. Right.

Yeah. Now I, and then I text voice memoed Emily in a real furious state. Sure. This is what I did to you and I had met the husband of one of your friends at a park. Oh, right. Like a little damage control. Yeah. Yeah.

A little panic. Exactly. Sally's husband. This is every day of my life. It's bad. It's so bad. And I was like, I'm so sorry this happened. Please relay to Lee that I'm...

I didn't know who he was because out of context... Never met him. And I've never actually met him one-on-one, which is bad. And I look crazy. I'm all made up. Well, I don't know about that part. Rankin. Yeah, with my wine.

No, thank God. I had already put that dead. You don't look absurdly made up. Okay. But just like, it's like a regular day. I wouldn't have thought. No, no. Okay.

You look normal. I'm in full glam. Okay. Okay. What time to that start? Seven? Yeah. Fuck.

I know. I'm tired. I bet. A little tipsy. No, I wish I could have had more. You know, this is what started. It's like I had a little. And then at the next place I had a little more.

And now I'm like, oh, I want, now I like, really want more. Yeah. Do we still have vodka in this student? What did we have tango-ray? We did. We had a vodka for a guest that didn't drink it. We thought Jen Aniston might want to pounce some nice cocktails. And she's like, what are you talking about?

Why would I want to drink in this interview? I'm like, I don't know because I would want to if I drank. I want everyone to drink in these interviews. And we like learned what her favorite drink was and got it. Got the stuff. The fix. I think it came across as more offensive. You know I can get through an interview without drinking my favorite cocktail, right?

Yeah. God, being a person's hard as we know. As we find out hourly. Okay, now what happened to your phone? Oh, I got a new phone. So I got to tell you something. So I spent a good chunk on my Sunday editing. Great. So I'm like editing and out of the corner my eye catches a little mouse and a bright yellow out.

Maybe a shirt. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh. Walking down the street. Oh. Yeah. You know, you're walking down the street.

Uh-huh. And I'm like, I go, oh, my God, just a glimpse. I'm like, oh, she's probably walking to Kara. Uh-huh. And then I see Erin later. And he's like, oh, yeah, I saw Monica. And I'm like, oh, he was arriving from the airport, right? Yes.

And I'm like, oh, wow, it timed out perfectly where you were pulling up to the gate. Monica was exiting the gate. He's like, no, she was in the property. Both are true. Okay. So this was very, this was very sim timing, all of it. Yeah. So I got a new phone two days ago.

I didn't want to get a new phone. I want to make that clear, but my phone was dying a lot. Like you weren't getting the battery life you like? Okay. That's what happens with these phones. I'm not going to call out what type of phone it is, but it's obvious.

Okay. These phones start dying like on purpose. Do you ever do these hacks? I read these Instagram posts. Like here's what's eating your battery and I do. I go do though. I turn off all that stuff. I don't think my phone works very well anymore,

but the battery allows. See, exactly. I turn off Bluetooth. tooth because I do know that eats it. Okay. All right. But anyway, I've had it for two years. It's two phones old.

Or not two years, but it's two phones old. Can I have it? The old one, yeah. And I'll put it, I'll get, I think you can put a new battery in them. You can? Are you sure? You can take it to like an iPhone fixed place and they'll do that. I even think maybe the genius bar.

Yeah, yeah, or Apple. I don't have Apple care. I don't either, but they'll still do it for maybe a few hundred dollars. Okay. Sure, you can have it. Um, so. Get it out of here. Everything must go.

So I then got the new one. That was a whole thing because you had to order it and then we had to wait in the line for it. Well, I got to say that. So simultaneous to me seeing you out the window, you seeing Aaron somewhere. I'm also getting a text from, uh, from Wabiwob saying, because I've now sent a text to everyone. Hey, can we do fact check tomorrow? That hasn't happened yet in the time.

It hasn't. Uh-uh. So this is what happened. But it happened between when I saw Aaron. Okay. Okay. So I am not there. I'm a few steps. Okay. So I got my phone. I have to do the transfer. I start doing it. It says

eight hours. Okay. And I was like, ooh, it's probably just saying eight hours. I doubt it's really going to be eight hours. It does try to give you an estimate that it can overdeliver. It tries it under promise and it over-delivered. It does. And it, but then three hours later, it said seven hours. And I was like, oh, boy. And then I was trying to move at locations in the house. I didn't If that had anything. Because you don't have proper internet. I don't have good at Wi-Fi. It's bad.

You don't have Wi-Fi. You've got the interlock, whatever, the fucking satellite thing is. Oh, a net gear or whatever. No, Starling. Yeah, Starling. Yeah, Starling. The hell is going on over here. She doesn't have full power and she doesn't have the internet.

No electricity. No internet. I know. So anyway, that's happening and saying seven hours and I was like, oh, okay, whatever. I guess I'll leave it here. And in the, but in the meantime, I saw a text come through, and it was all. on the group work group chain, you, Rob and Emma. And so then I was like, oh, fuck.

I can't look at it. Oh, right. I wasn't able to look at it. I just saw that it came through. So I was like, oh, no, and this might be a timely thing. I don't know. So I left both phones to do their thing. And I went to your house.

I went into your, like in the side gate. Okay. I look right. I don't see anyone. Right. I'm shouting, Dax, Kristen, no one's there. Okay.

I knock on the front door. Oh, Jesus. Wow. Kristen's car isn't there, so like, oh, they must just be out. Yeah. I was in, I was upstairs in the house. You didn't see me even roaming around your yard. No, because I, the window I have while editing is to my right, just looking at our shared street.

That's true. I can't see our yard. Okay, yeah. So then, and I was going to your house to tell you, hey, I don't have a phone. I need to know what was on that text in case it's timely, but you weren't there. Okay. So then I go back and I thought about going out the front gate, but I was like, no, I don't think they like when I go out the front gate opening and closing and exposing it if it doesn't have to be open and closed. So I went back out.

That's not anything. If there's anything, the gate was breaking nonstop. Right. It breaks up. And I did get during that little phase, it was in my mind when it was opening and closing a lot. I'm like, it's just one more. It's just going to break. But now it's just functioning again.

Okay. Well, I went out the side gate. I turned left to go to the white gates to leave, to go to Cara. Yeah. So what I definitely saw you is when you walked and you went in the side gate. Because I lose sight of you before you would have turned left. And I presumed you were going, well, correctly I presumed you were going to go to Cara, but you had a pit stop, which was the house.

Yes. Okay. Okay. So then I am going out the gates of the neighborhood and I see that there's a car parked outside. you are gay and I was like, who's that? Sure. And then I see the back of a person and I was like... Cute little person.

Yeah, it was a cute person, but I didn't know who it was. Yeah, yeah. And then when the gate opened, it was Aaron. Yeah. Look at that timing. Serendipitous. And I was putting in the wrong code. Oh, wow.

As many times as I put it in, I'm like trying the Nashville, you know, I'm just... So that worked out. Oh, yeah. I was pressing the star. It's very confusing. The many trials are being too. I know. So I saw Aaron.

I gave him a squeeze. I helped him get in the house. I said, I'm going to Kara. I don't have a phone. You guys should come. I don't think anyone's home, though. And then I went on my way to Kara. You guys did not come.

They bring it up. Thank you. But then we had something else going on. Yeah. But you really missed out. There was a really, really kind arm cherry there who was a day one listener. She said it was a sim moment because she wasn't into podcasts. And her friend or somebody was like, you should get into podcast.

And it was February 14, 2018. Holy small. And she saw it and she was like, I might like this. And she's been a listener ever since. And guess what she was wearing? Cookie Boy shirt No it's specific to you guys A Ted Seeger shirt

Yes Oh Jesus And I said I said I told Aaron I said Aaron's in town And I told them to come here Yeah

And so she's mad at you guys And I just told Monica that Oh I just sent Kara a bunch of Ted Seeger recently I thought it would be so exciting For her to meet you two together If she's wearing a Ted Seeger shirt

Damn it. Can we redo it? We blew it. We were having our own experience over at our favorite hard shell taco restaurant. Oh, sure. Because we're at the counter waiting and look over at this table. And there are six young women, mid to late 20s, I think. We're so old we don't know. Okay. So that feels right.

Okay. Sure. Yeah, mid-20s, especially what they were doing. They were dressed up in the craziest outfits. One was a clown cowboy. Her whole face was painted like a rodeo clown. And she had a cowboy hat on. Okay.

Another one looked like Stevie Nicks. Another one had like a pirity outfit. I mean, they had all these crazy outfits on. They're practicing for Halloween. Well, of course, I need to know what's going on. Of course. Yes. And I say, I say, Gales, what's happening with all the outfits?

Did you just do a performance? And they said, oh, no, we're, do you know Bob McNerney's Mirri Annette Museum? Oh, I want to go there. Everyone knows. Everyone knows. Yes. It's a real name. Kristen knew about it too.

Yeah. I don't, we're getting the last name of Bob wrong. Yeah, you are. Bob Barker. Yes. It's a different. It's a different Bob Barker. I didn't even hear that come out of her mouth.

I don't remember Bob Barker. Bob Baker. Bob Baker. Oh, that's much more believable. Oh, I do think it was Bob Barker this whole time. The price is right on these. Barber. Bob Barker's price is right.

No. Yeah. Yeah. But this is a whole thing here. Bob Baker's Marionette Theater. Yeah, apparently. And so I was presumed that they were performers. Right. But they weren't.

There was some kind of festival and everyone got all. So it was so fun. Cute. And we weren't chatting with them. And then, you know, the clown, Trinity, who I thought she, I heard Trigger, which would be the greatest name for a cowboy clown. Right? Like Trigger.

The horse of Lone Ranger, I think. What's your name? She said. Trigger. But it was Trinity. Okay. And so we both heard. That was nice.

And then now and she says, I didn't get your name. And I go, oh, I'm Dax. And she said, okay. And then one of the girls says, my brother met you once at Zanku chicken. And I go, I guarantee that's true because I love Zanku chicken. Yeah. We used to get it a lot. And I said, did he say I was how did the interaction go?

And she said, oh, he said you were really nice. and he was telling you about some movies he liked and he said you're real down to earth and talk to him for a while and I go, that's great, that's great. And she said, now I don't know if this part's true. But he claims you that I, he told you my sister loves you and you said, is she hot? And I go, oh, for sure. I definitely said that. And I said because there's nothing a brother wants to talk about less than if his sister's hot or not.

Oh, my God. So anyways, that was fun. I can't think of a more you interaction. Yeah, that was all like, Sancoo for sure. Was your sister Ha? I was like, oh, this is definitely happened. Wow, that's fun. The court of law.

Yeah. Yeah, we got 26 tacos and then got on our way. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Okay, so there was, I was expecting perhaps a whole story related to the new phone that would have involved an underwater debacle, a theft as a.

happened in the past in England. Yes. But it was just a battery issue. It was just, old fashioned. I had been waiting, though. I've been holding out for the new phone for a while because I was like, hell no, am I going to get the 17 just as this is about to come out?

But can I ask you, does this stuff matter to you? Because to me, it doesn't, right? No. I can't relate to the people. Like, I'm the 19s coming. It's like, I haven't noticed a new feature from the last three iterations. Yeah. Like, they take pictures.

and I send texts. I don't know. It doesn't matter to me, but practicality, to me, it doesn't make sense to get a phone that's going to be updated in two months. Absolutely. Yeah, you get. I've been holding out. I relate to that in cars. This is 18.

18. Okay. How long more do we have on that one? This just, oh, this just happened two days ago. Two days ago. Yeah, that's why I'm saying. And that's a pretty blue you got. Thank you.

I got a new case. Oh. And I do have a weird thing with phones. I really resent. Jess was asking me this. He was like, you have a weird thing. Like, you hate paying for them. And I do.

I really don't like paying for like laptops or phones or tech for some reason. That is so strange to me. Yeah, it's strange to everyone, apparently. Because it's like, if anything, in my opinion, like, deserves its price tax. There's so much tech in the shit inside. I think because I'm like... Versus like the, there'd be a candle holder. that you'd be like, oh, yeah, that's definitely worth twice as much as an iPhone.

It is. And I'm like, what does it do? It holds a candle. It's because all of it's practical. It's like utility. It's not cute. It doesn't move you emotionally. That's why.

Exactly. And it's there to do work. And I just wanted to do work. I don't need it to do anything special. And so I'd rather not replace them ever. Okay. But I have to. Yeah.

Stay tuned for more armchair expert. If you dare. How was your weekend? Can't remember. Who knows? No, I think it was really nice. It was low- I think I enjoyed it.

I think it was a great weekend. If I had to guess, I'd say I enjoyed it. That was a nice weekend. I don't, nothing stands out. So what about you, guys? Well, I don't really know how to mount some of this stuff. I'm increasingly thinking I'm going to have to tell less and less stories about. Your family.

My family life because my kids are getting older. Yeah. And so this would be one where I'm really not sure. I'm kind of on the fence. I'll just say that we went to the Dodgers game, which I was very excited about. Yeah. And I got some really ideal seeds. Great.

You know, you get to do the buffet beforehand. The four you went. Well, that's the dream. Well, you can have a buffet there and then you go sit in the seats. Yeah. No, I'm saying the four of you. Oh, yes. My wife and my two children.

Okay, great. And of course, we can't leave. You know, I got it mapped out. We'll be able to eat. We'll finish eating and then the game will start. That, of course, is off the table. But we, we, there's, yeah, you can't tell you. What I would just want to hit you with the punchline is we basically were able to watch the game from the second ending to the six.

Okay. Okay. And that's, you know what? That's four more endings of baseball than I was going to see otherwise. Right. And did you get to eat your food and stuff? We did eat our food. Yes.

We had delicious. That's good. I love a buffet more than anything. I know that's not your thing. It used to be, but germs got in the way. Oh, it's germ driven? Now, yeah. You think you're going to get a parasite or something?

Well, I got one. It wasn't from a buffet. So then why are you? I don't know. Now, just the idea of it got in my head, but I like a buffet in theory. They're so fun. Yeah, they are. And this one has some ice cream.

Oh, yeah. I had like a soft serve ice cream with portable topping. That sounds yummy, yeah. And I tried to always, my commitment is to eat between four and six Dodger dogs. That's always what I minimally want to eat. If I go with Nate, Nate and I always like, that's kind of our commitment. But I had had so much pot rose. Right.

And so much. Yeah, you wouldn't believe how much pop roast I have. I do believe it. Like how you never see a pot rose. It's fucking great. It's so good. Pot roast. I just put ketchup all over in and there's potatoes.

It's almost like a big. That was fucking amazing. Isn't that funny? You both almost cute, but you just be, you put ketchup on a hamburger. I've just never heard of ketchup on a pot roast. My mom used to make pot roast a lot. She did. Yeah.

Maybe she could make a few. Yeah. Would she be upset if I put ketchup on it? I think. Well, ask. I made a delicious pot roast last week. You did? Yeah.

What did? Yeah. I think I should make one while we're here. Yes, I have a slow cooker. Yeah. Yeah. How do you make it? Well, I've been doing, I've been finding Instagram rest of piece.

Nice. So everything, I haven't struck out yet. I mean, I'm doing like chicken bob pies. Yum! These are, Aaron, these are like big recipes. That's so good. You are? Yeah.

I got a little crazy as I tend to do. Like, I do this and I, And okay, we're all together, some friends. And Ruthie brings up that, oh, yeah, Aaron loves the cook. And I don't know what came over me. And I go, yeah, I don't. Oh, but you were lying? Well, I don't know.

I was like being difficult. I'm so difficult sometimes. And I was like, yeah, that's not true. We already know what it is. Okay, say. Is if it's your idea. It's if it's someone else's idea, it's not a very good idea. I know.

I know. It's why we got along so well. It doesn't tell me to. Because neither of you are putting ideas in each other. We're so careful about the way we interact with each other that we don't ever trigger that thing that we know. That's so strange. Isn't that so stupid? We know it's ridiculous.

I know. But I'm just saying like if you said to me you like shopping. And I was like, no. It'd be like. Yeah. It would be insane. It would be insane. Which is what it is when.

Okay, but I also think there's a second thing happening. Tell me. Oh, go ahead. Well, it's still, no, you say your thing, sorry. I did end up, it turned into a whole thing. Oh, yeah. Of course, because she was probably like, what do you mean? Yeah, well, I was like, it turned into, she's like, now we're at home.

And she's like, I guess I'll order something. And I do cook often. And you like it. Yeah. Oh my God. It's your favorite thing you do. So now all we do is order out? No.

Because it's stuck. So then I had to apologize. And I said, I don't even know what I was talking about. And I don't know why you weren't allowed to say that to your friends. Right. Right. I'm not sure. Yeah, it's so insane.

Well, it's interesting because sometimes Sometimes we love to be known. Like, that's a version, right? It's like someone knows me so well. They say they know I like shopping or cooking or whatever. They're explaining it to other people. And I think that's, I often like that. I'm like, that person knows me.

Yeah, that's lovely. If it's something neutral, like cooking. Sure. But did you think what was coming next is like she was basically offering your services to cook for everyone? Because I think that's maybe what's. Yeah. Because to me, I think he has a bit of my hair.

which is he really would love to make a meal for you and blow your mind. But then the second he feels like he has to make you meals, then now he's out. Is that? Yeah. It is. It is. You want to be in control of it. But you know what?

I did. And here's where it especially doesn't make sense is like two weeks before that conversation, Ruthie has been having a mahjong. Yeah. Night? Girls over. Yeah. And I made, okay, now, Ruthie did ask, like, can, something simple, like, can you make smash burgers, would you mind?

And I started to resent it. Oh. And because she asked. And then I had to put that aside and I said, you know what? I'm going to even fucking do you one better. And I'm going to make this crazy meal. Oh, wow. That's so nice.

Yeah. Contrary action. We like that. Yeah. So I made it for all the girls. Yeah. And I invited a friend over and, um, anyway. That sounds lovely.

And, um, yeah, then two weeks later, I. Yeah. Got to. You know what I was enjoying it. Maybe you felt like, oh, no, now this is a pattern. Yeah. Right. Well, I have this disgusting quality as well, which is like, I love to give people stuff.

And I hate to be asked for things. You like, you like to give people on your terms. That's right. And, and even then, sometimes you have some resentments, I think. Sometimes, sometimes. I think it can happen. Oh. I don't identify with that.

I don't identify with resenting people I've given things to. In fact, I've given a lot of things to people, especially recently, where it's gone completely sideways. And it doesn't bother me at all. Yeah. It probably depends on the situation. in person. Yeah.

Yeah, I wish I could get specific. But yeah, there's things I could really complain about and I really don't. Now I give and I don't care what happens afterwards. Yes, that's a good quality. But if you ask me for stuff, I have a real hard time with it. Now, I am getting better. Someone asked me for money the other day, not in my circle. And then I was just like, I'm going to give them the max tax-free thing.

That's nice. It's very nice. Yeah. So I went, oh, like, that was contrary action. I just, I, but Aaron and I had this. I think you wouldn't be uncomfortable. Would you know? No, no, no, no.

Like, we had to have this moment where it was like, I help Aaron. I help him very predictably. Yeah. And then one time he wanted, he needed money for something. Yes. And I said, this is going to ruin our friendship. If you asked for money. Because I now, when I pick up the phone and I see your name, I don't want to have anxiety about it.

Like, I way rather just be able to say, like, here's how I'm going to help you. Yes. And then beyond that, I don't. really, I don't want to have anxiety when I pick up the phone. Yeah, that's fine. That's fair and fun. And I was like, oh my God, that's what he feels. Right.

Yeah. So I was like, that makes perfect sense. So you're probably happy he told you that. Yeah, totally. And a lot of it just my dad's fault, right? Because by, you know, the last six years of our relationship, I don't know, 60% of the calls were kind of, they were fake calls. They were like, we do some bologna talk.

But it was really just. And then every time I'd be talking, I'm just like, what's. coming at the end of this. I hate this feeling. Yeah. And I was like, just tell me right away what you want. Maybe if you still want to chat with me socially, I'd like to do that, but I feel this doesn't feel clean. Well, yeah, you don't want to feel like that's the reason they're talking to you or reaching out. Yeah, it gets complicated. And I know a position they're in. Because sometimes I got to ask people or stuff and I feel like, well, I shouldn't do a few nice things before. So I don't it's very complicated. Well, it also depends. It's very specific to the person. Like,

there is someone in my life who has asked me for things. And I'm like, no. Then you're like, oh, is by me being generous fueling this thing where they feel like that's an open-ended question. And then I don't like the way that feels. I feel used. Like, it is a, it is very tricky. But my therapist taught me something. Oh, what was that? Because, yeah, sometimes I get in this exact situation where I've been like giving and giving. And then. And I'm like, then I can feel a resentment go off. Uh-huh. And it's really unfair to everyone.

Like, it's unfair to the people I've given to because I've done that out of generosity. Really quickly, can I just add this in case anyone's throwing up? I know it sounds, this happens without money. This is also your time. Like, I think a lot of people would relate to like, yeah, I helped this person move. And then I helped them fix their lawnmower. I showed up for them here. Yes.

And then it just feels like, well, I'm, what am your assistant? Yes. This is about reciprocation in general. But this applies to all of that. This applies to your time as well, is. She said, you have to give for fun and for free. Mm-hmm. I agree.

And so I say that to myself all the time now if I'm making, like, those decisions. It's like, this isn't, I'm not going to get anything back for this. Yeah. Emotionally or financially or anything. It's just for me to do. That's right. Yeah. So it's good to remember that.

Yeah. But it's hard. So the dinner, maybe you felt like... I don't think it's justified. I love my feelings. At least you know that. That's a big part of it for real. For real.

But I now want you to make me dinner. Sure. Yeah, let's have dinner. You love cooking. Yeah, you love it so much. Yeah, I remember you saying that we talked about pot roast a long time ago. And you were like, can't fucking make, like it doesn't turn out like it's supposed to. And it should be so easy.

You put it in the slow cooker. Yeah. And you fucking forget about it, right? That's how it should be. Yeah. Yeah, there was a couple things I picked up along the way. And I was like, see, but now I'll fucking say it out loud and it's going to be shit. No, it won't.

Maybe, yeah, it does sound like you guys have some things about like delivering, like an eating to be perfect. or something. I don't know if you have that, but that sounds like, wait, like you're, like, worried that it won't be

as good as, as people want it to be or something? Yeah, how stupid as that? No, it's normal. Yeah, but when you're on the other end

and someone's, has whipped you up some dinner. Everything's amazing. You fucking don't care. Everything tastes so good. It doesn't got to be perfect. No, it's great.

Exactly. Totally. I'll take whatever. And I hate when, and I don't want to be the guy to go, oh, would have been better if I gave it another. Oh,

yeah. To just go on and on about how it should have better. I forgot to salt it. I wish I would have been better if I had. One of the greatest laughs we ever had, Aaron and I was someone made us some stakes once. Oh my God. And they fucking torched them.

Like they really, really torched them. They were gone. It was like a shoe sole. And we of court, and then the person's doing exactly what Aaron's like, oh, maybe I should have pulled these off a couple of minutes sooner. And we're like, no way.

these are fucking delicious, right? And then there was like a whole performance. And this went up for a while. And we did a good job. We ate those steaks, which was almost impossible. Like we finished our steaks. And we had already eaten so much that day. But on the ride home, we really started laughing so hard.

We were saying that if we had been in that situation, we looked at the grill and saw what we had done in the stakes, we would have walked through the backyard and disappeared for three days. And then said we were abducted. And that's why I couldn't have pulled off in time because I would have never serve those things. The amount of pride on the line for a man about cooking a steak is fucking hysterical. Yeah, that's crazy. Anytime it's like, I'll cook the steak.

He's like, okay, you're taking on a lot of risk right now. Oh, my God. Yeah, this is like seven years ago. Meanwhile, moms are making dinner every night in the kid. Like, people are just like, ew, I don't like green beans. You know, it's like... We were so mean to my mom. Yeah.

Yeah, we were... She wanted to make a couple dishes she liked. Yeah. You know, a month. Exactly. Can I tell you, chicken catch a tory? We'd be like, oh, man, you're making... Fuck the fucking hate you.

Like, she hated us. We were like, you hate us. Yeah. No one wants to eat this. My poor mom just want one meal that tastes good for herself. It's probably really good. It was terrible, Monica. No.

No. Chicken catch a toast. That's how I thought about Jambalaya. I hate Jamalaya because my mom. She was trying to force feed me Jambolyia. Was it Jambolyer or Jumbalaya? Jambalaya. To me it's Jamalaya.

I think in the south it's Jamalaya. Okay. It sounds more fun and festive. Yeah. But it's not. It is a beat down trying to eat that. Yeah. Her other one was fucking Spanish rice stuffed peppers.

Oh, I have some vegetables. Oh, I have some vegetables. Yeah. Because that chicken catch tort was like, I feel like she started with seven or nine onions. Oh, that sounds so good. Fuck so many onions and very little chicken. Yeah, what is that? Okay, looking it up.

Poor Laura. Italian dish prepared with meat, onions. So many onions. 17 onions. Usually tomatoes, often peppers and sometimes wine. Oh, wow. Peppers and onions when you're nine. When you're nine.

When you're nine. It sounds really good, actually. Oh, yeah. And some rice, I think. I had a neighbor in Roe Lake that my, I was, how I put this? I guess I was, they were babysitting me. And it was two girls, one girl our age and a younger one. And the mom.

She made liver. I don't ever, ever, ever even tried it? I have tried it. Patte. Patty. Yeah. So this was, maybe this was the one, I've never tried it again. Yeah.

And liver. So. The butcher give it away for free. Is it like we got on the- Right. Some fucking organs. Ew, don't call it organ. So it's stunk so bad.

That means it in Oregon. It's the one that filters your blood. And I think she was, I don't know if she made it out to be. Just, no, it stunk so bad. So, um, fuck, dude. And, chicken livers?

It was a beef liver, like a big, fucking, uh, among his fucking organ. Size of a porterhouse. Oh. So she was forcing me. This was, I was telling Ruthie about this recently. This came up, um, about kids not eat. And I, and I was like, I would fucking eat damn near anything.

Um, back then. to just whatever. I ate shit every day. But this stunk so bad. Ew. And she said, she plopped a big bottle of ketchup down. And she was like, it was her fucking job to make me eat this liver. Oh, my God.

And so now she put ketchup and I hated ketchup. Oh. Oh, you do? Oh, no wonder the pow-less thing. And I'm like, fucking ketchup. And I'm on this and I was like, no. And she fucking drugged me by the hair into the bathroom and shoved the bar of soap in my mouth. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. When it was all over, I would have fucking ate 10 of those bars of soap before I was fucking ate at that liver. Oh, man. I had a similar, my stepdad. Rick, my second step did, he made a big, big batch of fish. Oh, you heard. I swear in my mind, everyone had a fish on their plate with like the fucking bones and shit.

And the rest of my family, there was a lot of us at that point. There was five kids and my mom and him. And so there's seven of us and six folks. I'm definitely not Carly, but everyone ate this fish. Yeah, I love fish. And I was just like staring at it and smell those, look at those sharp bones. And I was like, I can't. Sharp bones.

I can't eat the fish. And he said, you're not getting up from this table until you eat that fish. Yeah. And I sat there for several hours. Yeah. That's how I feel about the jambalaya. And he just sat and stared at me. Yeah.

I was not to get up. And then finally, I'm like, fuck, I got to get this fish down. And I took one fork full and threw up violently all over the plate. Oh, no. And then I looked at him. And he's like, you can go to bed. That was the end of that. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, fuck. I didn't even have a cat that you can pull it up. You're the skeleton. I just don't understand the obsession with making a kid eat something. I don't really don't. I think that's over. I think so, too.

Yeah. But that definitely was a time. Well, they thought like you'd die if you didn't eat dinner or something. There were these other elements going on. There's like, you're entitled, right? It's like, this is a good piece of fish. Look at the bones. Right.

People would kill to have. Yeah. Because Ethiopia was big then with the commercials. Starving kids in other countries. That was always a thing. And like you're an entitled brat if you don't like fish. Right. Or liver.

To your point, I would have eaten fucking cardboard box. Sure. I was in highfalutin. You know. I never learned to like fish. Yeah, with those starters, you know, it's hard to overcome, I think. That really is true. Oh, God.

Were you ever forced to eat anything? Jambalaya! Oh, okay. To the point where you weren't allowed to leave the table. Okay, my memory of that is that, yes, I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I had some of it. Or, like, ate, like, some bites. Was there shrimp and sausage in it? Scalips.

Scalps. I love scallops. I like muscles too. I like all that stuff now. I probably love jambalaya now, but I hate it. Fish bone broth stock. Do you like fish? It's been an old thing with fish, too.

Oh. I did. I'm afraid I want to talk to them out of it. Yeah, I realized. But one day I was like, it was to the point like where Dex used to go, like, when we were younger or two. And he's like, you would just eat a piece of fish from anywhere. Like, you don't even care.

I would just be like, I'll have the fish. Yeah. Like, I'm talking, we'd be at the fucking country boy, right? Which is like a step below Denny's. It was much cheaper than Denny's. Yeah. You could get a full breakfast for like $1.90. And he'd have the lake trout or the perch.

I mean, so. So after I got sober, I, um, I was sitting. you're thinking about it and I was like did I ever like it? And was I, did it get to where I was just trying to prove a point that I would eat the fish everywhere? Weird. Oh, a thing.

Internally my thing. Yeah. But I've never enjoyed it. And then I was like, I don't even like it. I don't like fish. So I stopped eating fish. Like seven years ago almost. Yeah. I love fish. Yeah. Of course.

I love this. It's great. Fish is great for you. Well, yeah, Ruth eats at all time, and I fucking, I get pretty grossed out. Wow. Buy it on her plate. Like, when we're out to eat, I'm like. Yeah, she probably gets a lot of salmon.

You know who loves their fish extra stinky is the Italians. We just heard another story because I think you know the story. About Molly. We were with the Richardson's in Italy, and Molly got the Brazino or whatever. No, I, and Branzino, but I think she got a cod, which I also remember I made fish in my apartment. And fucked it up. I did. Yeah.

And it was cod. Yeah. They tell you cod doesn't stink. They do tell you that though. And then you get a stinky one. Yeah. It was really stinky. This was so bad that like, and I was seated next to Molly because we were playing spades

before dinner. And I had to move. I mean, it was such a stinky putrid fish. And then she couldn't get through it. And then friends of theirs just went to Italy as well. Yeah. And I got a real stanker. And they sent it back.

And they told, no, no, no. This is how we like it. The chef said this is ideal. Interesting. Interesting. So that's an interesting cultural thing. Yeah, it is. You could love a real.

I wonder what it is. It's making it have that smell. I don't think rot, isn't it? No, it's probably not. Isn't that the rot? I don't think it's that. More rotten, the more expensive it is. Yeah.

It's like a 78 dry age. Dry. I was going to say it's just aged on the sidewalk. Dry aged bass. I have fish today. You did with your wine? Yep. Oh, wow.

What kind of fish? No, I had a tuna melt. Oh, that's, that's virtually hamburger meat. It's still fish. I could eat a tuna. I would eat that too. It was so good. Okay.

Let's do a little fackies. Yeah. This is for Leanne Morgan. You know that incredible comedian? Oh my God. Yeah. She's so funny. I've talked.

I actually, I've talked about her a lot to quite a few people. I mean, I love telling Ruthie that I go, yeah, I told her you were from Elbe, Hermingsham. And she said, yeah, I'm pretty big down there. Yeah, you were here when we interviewed her. I was, and I watched two episodes of the show with you. And we pretty much laughed the entire time. From beginning to end.

Just joke after joke. And I was fucking, I bought into it. Like, I loved it. She's so funny. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so I looked up at what point in time did more people have braces than not have braces. Okay?

That's an interesting question. I'm having an hard time. Because we talked about this. Do you think there was a point where more than 50% of the population had braces? Yeah. Like, well, I don't think I asked it, right? It was a little confused. I'm just wondering at this point have most people had braces in their life.

Oh, okay. What percentage of Americans have had braces? Should I do that? Yeah. Okay. What percentage of Americans have? But it's hard because it's like at what age? Well, just in their life, I think.

Right. But if it's like, okay, it says an estimated 50% to 70% of American children are expected to wear braces or undergo orthodontic treatment before reaching adulthood. But at what point? I was asking at what year did that start happening? The orthodoxia revolution? Yes. Yeah. I have a guess.

Okay. When? I think it's 84. That's a great case. guess. I wouldn't guess 86. But yeah. Okay. Great.

What year did orthodox to get popular? I guess. It's just it's not as specific. Because I think when my mom, my mom wanted them, they were available to her as a kid in the 60s. But they were like, it was crazy, expensive. But then we were broke and I had it. Right. I think.

Okay. Yeah. So I'm going to read two things. So it says, races became dramatically more common over the. the second half of the 20th century, for example, Americans born around 1942, only about 4.6% received orthodonic treatment before adulthood. I can believe they had it at all. Yeah. Among those born around 1972, it had risen to about 29.7%.

I'm in that class. Okay. This says even today the number of people currently in orthodonic treatment is nowhere close to 50%. All three of my kids had braces. All three. All three. Yeah. Yeah.

My kids have had Envisaline, which is different, but still the same. It said a nine, yeah, we count that. And a 1988 to 91 national survey found that nearly 20% of adults, 18 to 50, and 18% of children had already received orthodonic treatment. So that was in the end, late 80s. 84? Yeah, late 80s. It really took off. I had them.

Everyone I knew had them. I mean, you had them. The reason I wanted to know this is because you had them and you didn't have a lot of money. So I was wondering like, wow, I'm kind of surprised your mom was able to do that. It was a huge priority to her because she had wanted them so bad. It was like me and wanting my kids to have a dirt bike because I didn't have one. Of course. But like if you don't have the money, you don't have the money.

So it must have been at least. I think she went into debt to give us braces. Right. Yeah. David and I both. Wow. It ended out pretty fucking well, too. Yeah.

It was worth it. Yeah. A lot of return on the investment. Well, I wonder how much. I wonder how much she spent over. If you would have seen my teeth, there's no way I could have been in show business. Truly a non-starter with the size of my overbite and how fucking cranked each tooth was. Yeah.

Very few were like flush. You know, they were all angled. Right. Yeah. Do you remember him like that? Or was that before? No, he had braces when we met. Wow.

I had them forever. I had braces for a decade. And remind me, how old were you guys? 11. 11, yeah. Okay. Okay. Well, that does solve because you said you had it starting at 7 and I was like,

well, no, I said, but then that's. So I had years of retainers before I had braces because first we had to get the fucking overbite handle. Yeah. So that was years of the Bionator and spreading my jaw apart. And then Aaron will remember, I had to have fucking four teeth removed. in seventh grade to accommodate all this shit that was going on. I mean, they went to war on my mouth.

Yeah. I also had, I had a cross bite. Oh, fun. Yeah. That's, uh, cross bite. What do you call it? Uh, limited ish.

It was limitedish. They cross in the back. Like, they're not, and it's pretty much back to that. Okay. It's shuttering even, it crossed. Oh, wow. I thought a cross would be like this. No.

Like your natural. smile would be like this. No. Criss-cross. But yeah, I had braces for three years. That was pretty long back then. What grades? Six through eighth.

Okay, nice. When did you get yours off? 11th grade. Yeah, that's so late. I know I got punched by that 24-year-old dude when I still had braces. And my brace went through my lip. That's like the most, I didn't have brace. But that was what you had to watch out for.

I can't imagine having the braces. And getting punched. Yeah. But also when you fight every week, you're like, fuck, I got to fight him. He's got braces. You're going to cut your hand. It was bad for both parties. Yeah.

He was getting belted in the mouth. Nobody wins. It's fucking rough. Okay. So I looked up why teeth move. around perimenopause and menopause. Estrogen. It says your teeth aren't actually fused

to your jaw bone. Each tooth is suspended in a tiny structure called the periodontal ligament surrounded by the bone of the jaw. That bone is constantly being broken down and rebuilt. Estrogen helps regulate that bone remodeling. As estrogen fluctuates during perimenopause

and then drops substantially after menopause, bone turnover changes, including in the bone surrounding the teeth. The jawbone can loose some density. The periodontal tissues can become more susceptible to inflammation. Gums may recede. Okay. I just, being a woman is so...

It is. It is horrible. God. It says if you're noticing that your teeth are suddenly shifting, especially your bottom front teeth, you're not imagining it. Great. Um, does my mom like Nancy Grace, uh, not so much? Okay, you asked her.

Uh-huh. She says, I don't really watch her. I never like the way she treated her guests. Okay. Sure. Okay. Um, who did. Yeah.

I never liked the way she treated her. Who did Grady's restaurant get bought by in Tennessee, the one she worked for him? Um, Brinker International bought the Grady's restaurant. in 1989. It says. I remember Grady. You do? No, why do I?

Well, why do I think I knew it? But when she described it, I'm like, there's no way I could have gone there. I guess I'm just thinking it's Perkins or something. Right. I know Perkins. Gladys or. Gladyses. Gladys.

Great. A brinker is behind Chili's and Maggiano's. Reputable. Very. Very. Very. Yeah. Very.

You know exactly what you're going to get. Okay. So the podcast about Black Dahlia is called Root of Evil. Oh, for the listener, I did take her after the episode. I joined her and we took a car ride and we stood in front of it like two weirdos and just stared at it for a while. Scary stuff. Yeah. Hodel.

Hodel. George Hodel. That's like a block, right? Yeah. Yeah, it's really close. Beautiful house. She said dry bar, like she performed at a dry bar. And I thought she was talking about the hair place, but she was talking about a dry bar.

No alcohol? Yeah, I've never heard of that. Why isn't, what? Well, you're from Georgia where there's a ton of dry counties. There are, but then there aren't bars there. Well, there's places you can play pool. What was the place when you lived in White County? Yeah.

We would go play pool, right? And they didn't serve alcohol. They did not. But then wouldn't that just be called a pool hall? Or a dry bar. I guess so. Is it? Well, Dry Bar is, was this recent she performed at one?

No, it was a while. No, so it was the Southern thing for sure. Yeah. Now they're popping up because of the NA trend. Oh, well, that makes sense. But I doubt that's what she was talking. Yeah, no. This was before that, yeah.

Yeah, this dry bar in White County, Georgia was full of, uh, it was, you could get into a fight there. For people who still wanted to fight, even if they still needed to fight. Yeah, but I think you also showed up with a good boss. You just couldn't get served there. The guys were going on to their truck a lot. Why not just go to a bar? The county was dry. Right, that's right.

That's right. Okay. And you didn't want to drive 13 miles. Yeah, that's probably worse. So just go to the pool hall, bring some alcohol in your truck. Yeah. Go and have a fight. Well, I just thought that was a weird oxymoron.

It is for sure. So then I looked up some common everyday oxymorons. Oh, great. Okay. We know the classic. Jumbo shrimp, number one. Number shrimp. Defening silence.

Oh, that's, you know. I like that. I've experienced it, too. It's real. Yeah, it's real. Bittersweet. We know that one. Oh.

Pretty ugly. Oh, yeah. I have not. I haven't thought about that. Yeah, he's pretty ugly. Yeah. Okay, act naturally. Oh, yeah, that's great.

That's a good one. Original copy. Oh, okay. Okay. Small crowd. Oh. Loomsies. They do.

They're playful. Open secret. Oh. This is a good one. Virtual reality. Okay. Sure. And living dead.

Okay. that's it oh okay well i love leanne yeah me too yeah i love mating her watch that show it's so funny i mean they don't need her help i noticed it was even recently it's like number three on Netflix which is fantastic yeah big exciting all right love you love you love you love you