Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Lizzo

Episode Date: September 7, 2026

Lizzo (Lil Lizzo Meets Sasha B. Flootin', Cuz I Love You, Special) is a Grammy and Emmy Award-winning musician and performer. Lizzo joins Armchair Expert to discuss growing up in a Detroit church where her uncle preached and her cousins made up the choir, being mocked in Houston for “talking white” and liking anime, and losing her father at 19 who told her she could become the next great flute player. Lizzo and Dax talk about being in a dozen Minneapolis bands at once, stripping down during the interview that sparked My Skin, and watching “Truth Hurts” become a hit years after she had already given up on it. Lizzo explains why Whitney Houston “brought the church to the club,” why fame makes people afraid the other shoe will eventually drop, and how turning insults back on bullies became a kind of emotional judo.Thank you to our presenting partner Lilly. Lilly’s Foundayo™(orforglipron). Advertisement Disclaimer: Please see Indications and Safety Summary with Warnings for Foundayo™(orforglipron) at https://www.foundayo.lilly.com/risk Start your 2 month free trial today: https://youtube.com/premium . Terms Apply. Cancel Anytime.Check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds: https://www.allstate.com/ Take printer ink off your to-do list with HP Smart Tank | http://www.hp.com/SmartTankSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by a Minica Mouse. Hello. Hello. Today we have, it's always an honor to have someone that's a one-name artist. That's true. We call that.

You gotta be pretty good to be a one-name artist. I think that's called a mononym. A mononym. That would make sense. Today's mononym is Lizzo, a four-time Grammy award-winning, Emmy Award-winning, Emmy Award-winning, Superstar, Singer, Songwriter, rapper, and actor. Her albums are Because I love you. special bitch in her new book, which is adorable, out tomorrow, call Lil Lizzo meet Sasha B.

Fluton. This was great. Wonderful, cute little children's book. It really is sweet. About her love affair with Sasha B. Fluton. Yeah. Oh, it's lovely. And Lizzo, what a party.

Really fun. Yeah, buckle up. Please enjoy Lizzo. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace. And I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing.

And Squarespace was that bridge. Maybe you're in the same spot. You've been developing something, a business, a skill set, a body of work, and it's been private. It's been yours. But at some point, you're ready to put it out there. And that transition from private to public can feel like a huge leap. Squarespace makes it feel like a step.

Beautiful templates, built-in SEO, email campaigns, scheduling, analytics, everything you need to go from. I've been working on this to here it is, come find me. All in one place, no code, no stitching together a bunch of different tools. So if you've been sitting on something and waiting for the right moment, this might be it. Head to Squarespace.com slash Dax for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use offer code Dax to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. We are supported by Airbnb. As we head into fall, I'm already thinking about where I want to be when the leaves start turning.

And honestly, Canada and the fall is unmatched. I've been looking at homes on Airbnb in Montreal because you know what? I've still not been to Montreal. I know. And everyone raves about it. They say it's so European. And I'm ready to enjoy all that it has to offer. And you know, when I go, I want to have a local coffee shop.

I want to feel like I live there, not just that I'm a tourist. There's something about fall that makes you want to slow down, get cozy, and really soak in where you are. And that's exactly what Airbnb gives you, a home base in a neighborhood where you can really immerse yourself in the local culture. Plus, everyone on the trip gets their own space, but a common area like the kitchen where we can come together and enjoy some local bites. One of my favorite parts is that the host knows the neighborhood better than any search engine ever could. They'll point you to the bakery with the best croissants or a little market you'd never find on your own. You end up discovering these spots that make the trip feel personal like you actually live there for a bit. With Airbnb, you're not just booking a place to stay.

You're getting plugged into the neighborhood. Trips are just better with Airbnb. He's been wanting to dance with you for years. Yeah. I wish I had had more coffee because then I would have really... We can rain check it. I would have brought the move. The offer stands.

I see. You're, what is that? Cream top. Oh, that's coffee. From where? Kmart. Kmart. Do those still exist?

No. I think in Mexico they do. Defunct. Get comfortable. It's a really good coffee shop, Maru. I don't know if you've ever had it, but it's very good. Did you guys, when did you guys get this? I got like 40 minutes ago.

So it's melted. So it's sweet. I'm just kidding. Oh, bitch. I didn't know high maintenance like this. I was not prepared. I thought we were both from Detroit. I'm a diva, honey.

Okay. You're from Detroit. Cool. And in fact, I know we both lived here at the same time. Really? Yeah, because I grew up in the suburbs, but as soon as I graduated high school, I moved downtown. And you were there because you were a little child. Oh, I was a child when you were downtown.

Yeah, I'm a hundred years older than that. Oh, that's right. Okay. What part of Detroit did you do? you live in? I was the East Sider. I grew up till I was about nine and then I moved to Houston. So my memory of Detroit is more so like family. But I lived off a Chandler Park Drive. I don't know if you know about that. I know the East Side. Do you have any memories of like going down to Detroit River on 4th of July? We would go to a Barclosa. Belisle. That's where it's at.

We would do Below, Balduck Park. Okay. And we would go sledding. And then it was horses after that. Did you do a family reunion on Belisleis? Because that's the move. Yeah. And did you wear matching shirts? We actually do have Kirkwood Family Union green shirts. And we would play volleyball and baseball. Yes. Do you ever go down that insane slide that you'd go in the fucking potato sack and get cut? Yes. Wow. Oh, no. So you're really, you're really Detroit. What up though?

And Bell Isle is the most life-affirming half-square mile in America. What is it? A park? So it's a little island in the Detroit River. It was a public park. And it was pretty good size, and you would go on Friday nights and cruise, or on Saturday and Sunday, it's family reunion time. Oh, that's what we did. Okay. Yeah.

And then you got the matching shirts. So as you're driving by all the barbecues, it's like orange, green, yellow. That's so funny. Yeah, yeah. And then in the winter, they would water down the trees. And so it would be like an ice tree, and we would, like, play. And I had the most wild imagination. I imagine there was, like, a family of polar bears in this tree.

And I would slide in, and I would be sitting at, like, ice tables. That's a real memory I had. Yeah. I just remember it was like one of those big pine trees and it was just frozen solid. And we were just run and slide and play. That's so fun. On ice. I don't think kids today play with trees.

No, they play with their phones. Yeah, they have a video game where you slide under a frozen tree. I have a best friend that was a willow tree in Detroit. Okay. A best friend off of Chandler Park and Bishop, there was this giant willow tree. And it was my best friend and I would sit in the willow tree and talk to the willow tree. And I would use the leaves of the willot tree. Well, I was a kid.

I didn't know no better, but I would pluck them off and use them as a tail. and I will pretend I was tails from Sonic and... And then one day, they drew a line across the tree. And I was like, what does this mean? And my mom told me, she was real. She was like, they're going to cut it down. And I was like, why? And they're like, it's blocking.

They told us that it was like a hazard and robbers were, like, hiding underneath it. So the city couldn't find them in the helicopters. Oh, my. Detroit, Gotham City. So I was like, no, I'm not going to let them do this. So I was going to stand in front of the tree and be like, if you're going to cut this tree down,

you have to cut me down. And my mom was like, you can do that, but first you got to go to school, honey. No. Y'all know what happened next. I went to school. I came back. It was a stomp.

Oh, no. I cried for weeks. I was inconsolable. That was my best and only friend. This is a giving tree situation. I was going to say, are you able to read the giving tree without getting hysterical?

Fun fact, that book is about me. No, I'm sorry. No, it's kind of the opposite. No, I know. The little boy in that is a dick. Yeah, he's a. I am the tree. Yeah.

For me. Literally. Okay. I'm going to make a prediction. Okay. I guarantee I know that there was one night of the year that you were not allowed to go outside after dark. And that's October 30th. Yeah.

Devil's Night baby. Devil's Night is so crazy. I remember that's not a thing anywhere out. No, but growing up there, you think everyone in the country's got Devil's Night. And then, yeah, when I moved out here, I've never met anyone that's done. And mind you, Texas is an open carry state. So I was like, surely they'll be driving around shooting guns in the air. on October 30.

Torching things. But absolutely not. But also, I was a kid in Detroit, so Halloween even was a little dicey because it was like, oh, that was when I was putting razor blaze in the chocolate. Which, by the way. Is that true?

It's not true. It's an urban legend. I learned this in a class at UCLA. There's never been a razor blade in a piece of candy ever. The only time there's ever been poison or something naughty in candy is a parent putting it in the candy

of their own child. But there's never been a stranger who's just doling out poisonous or razor blade candy. Okay. So how did this happen, y'all? Because I feel like back in the day before, like social media, there were just commonly known urban legends. That was our social media. But that just means that social media is something deeper. It's something real.

Yeah. We had an expert on these at one point. There is a math to them. There's something about the details are sticky. So like they went through like 10 that almost everyone had. It's like there's this famous one about a girl. who goes on spring break and she meets a boy and she has sex with him unprotected. Oh my God.

And then when she's going to fly home, he gives her a present and he says, don't open the present until you're on the airplane. Do you know the punchline of this one? Does this ring a bell? She gets on the airplane. She unwraps the box and inside is a miniature coffin. And when she opens it up, there's a piece of paper that says, welcome to the wonderful world of AIDS.

Okay. I think maybe because y'all were super little. They're in the height of the AIDS thing. But when I was in high school, coming up on spring break, that was being circulated at my school. Like, listen, this happened to a girl two years ago on spring break in Cancun, so don't fuck around. And the expert was like, it's these details, the little coffin.

That stay with you. I mean, it's stranger danger. It's like there to protect you, I guess, but it's all made up. Did you know the one about the needles in the- and the chairs in the movie theater? Yes, that's what I was going to say. You always same age, so that makes sense. Yes, and I still look.

Yeah, every day, because you just know. ever know what could be in there. I agree. I'm so with you on this. Now, what about the myth about, okay, now, I don't know if this is a myth, but are public toilet seats, can you catch something, anything, any type of illness or sickness or disease from a public toilet seat? If you're a married man and you mysteriously end up with HPVS. What do you mean? All this shit was made up by married folks to explain why they got an STD somewhere. They were saying, they were saying, like, you can get herpes from a hot tub. Wait, so you can't. No, you can. You're not going to get it. Well, you're going to rub the inside of your vagina on the seat? You think your blood cheeks are going to

pick up some? Also, most of these SDDs die when they're airborne. STDs, but what about like, um, you can get some fecal matter on your butt cheeks? Yeah, but that's not a disease. Right. I think you could get a bacteria. But again, you're going to have to explain how it gets from your blood cheek, then you move it somehow internally. I don't think that's going to happen. If anyone wants to ride in if they've experienced this. Yeah, well, it's going to be a married person. This is true. Some people get in the hot tub naked. Yeah. And then it can. And then they have sacks. The heat kills it. But again, it's in a 102 degree chlorinated water. Good point. Now, the other one that I was most fascinated by, and by the way, had I never transferred schools, this would have never occurred to me.

But I went to an elementary, then a junior high, then transferred districts to another junior high, and then went to a different high school out of a different district, right? And every one of these schools had the exact same three rumors about the kids they didn't like. So there was the girl who got hot dog stuck in her vagina. Yep. I knew her too. I didn't have that one. The boy who got his dick caught in a pot bottle or a vacuum. And I would go to these school and they'd be like, you know, Brad got it. And I'm like, no, there was a kid Trevor in my old school. They said that about. There's no way both kids did this. I mean, we don't know. Because you kind of believe the hot dog one about the girl in your school. I knew her, kind of. She was a friend of a friend.

I don't know. I went to like a black country kind of high school. So I feel like our stuff was like there was a girl giving blow jobs in the NX bathroom. And it was like a long line. But I don't know if that's like an urban legend or like that. That probably happened. That definitely happened. Yeah.

We had a girl under the bleachers. And you know what more power to her. But she's okay. I really hope she's okay. Oh my God. Jesus. When you think about like being in high school, when I was in high school, I really thought I was grown. I really thought I knew everything.

But now I think about high schoolers, fuck, I think about 20-year-olds. I'm like, they're babies. I know. They don't know anything. Protect the babies. Yeah. Oh, no. The girl who gave a blowjob under the bleachers in my middle school was in sixth grade.

Jesus. And it felt fine. It literally was like, oh, it's happening. People are doing stuff. And now I'm like, that's Delta's age. That makes me want to die. Yeah, don't bring her into it, but yeah. No, why do you start doing like, wait.

Yo, same fifth and sixth grade And I was like, ow, like you think back now And you're like, oh my God, my heart Like those poor babies Yeah A couple different girls left my eighth grade Because they were pregnant Oh

I had sex in the middle school Oh You was fucking slut I just saw a shade of your eyes You fucking slut No, I'm gonna slut shame you Well, hold on though your eyes betray you You go, what?

What are we talking about? What is the show? That's what we do The show is called Urban Legends by Monica Padman and Jack Sheffered. You should have listened before you came. The tangent, honey. Okay, so what did mom and dad do in Detroit? They

had multiple businesses. The most prominent business when I was born, I knew was a credit card business. So they sold credit cards. My parents always owned businesses together, as long as I've known them. You know, before I was born, they probably had jobs and stuff and work for people, but they've never worked for anyone since

I was a kid. And I have memories of passing out flyers to this credit card company on the weekends. And putting them underneath car windshield wipers and making it fun with my brother and sister, like a race. Like, who can get rid of their flyers first? So, yeah, that's what they did. They're very collaborative. Were the siblings older or younger?

Older. I'm the baby. I'm the mature baby. Tall, sister's short. The oldest is the runt, you know, the little one. It's upside down. Yeah. So why did they move to Houston when you were nine?

I always say for the mortgage business. Okay. The mortgage business. Was there some heat on everyone? Listen, you know what it's like. You have to evacuate Detroit. You don't leave Detroit casually. You have to like flee.

And I remember one day I was like in Detroit and then the next day I was in Houston. My mom was like, hey, we're going to move to Houston. I was like, no. And then I blinked and we were there. So it happened damn near overnight. Not a lot of heads up. That's why I'm asking was maybe there's some heat. Maybe were these credit cards, some of them were maybe a little.

No. I don't think the credit cards were. But I'll say my dad was a very infamous person. You either loved him or you wanted to kill him. Okay, okay. Big personality? Yes. Libra.

Okay. Yeah. What does that mean, Monica? Well, mercurial. Yeah. Good at lying. Charming. Good at lying.

Yeah. You might be a rising. Yeah. Well, let's look. He might be. It gives that or maybe a little Pisces or Aries a little bit rising. That's my rising. Oh, nice.

Yeah. Okay. Scary. Oh, but I'm a double Virgo otherwise. Oh, great. You know what I love about you guys who like astrology? It's like no matter what you like astrology and believe in it. That type.

No matter what it is, you guys are equally pumped. That's what's neat about it. It's like there's no strata of what's good and bad. It's just like, you're a Pisces. Oh, great. Oh, you're a Capricorn. Because it's good to know. I think you can tell who really is into the charting of it all and who's just like

early horoscopes kind of into astrology because they'll be like, oh, oh. That's because you have a very basic understanding of the signs. But all the signs are great because we're made up of all of them. We're made up of the stars, you know, it's really that. And I think we really nerd out because we like, I'm speaking for you, but I like Sailor Moon. It's an anime. I thought it was one of y'all's gurus who knows a lot about the charm. Doesn't it sound like an astrologist's name?

Sailor Moon. That is a fire name for astrology. Yeah, Sailor Moon, like, as an astrology account. I think you should take it. If Nyokotakoguchi will let me have the name Sailor Moon, then they're not going to come after you on Instagram. The IP is locked in. That IP is Barbie deep. They probably already own the handle on Instagram.

The Sailor Moon handle's taken. It's taken. We haven't looked, but we feel pretty confident it's taken. Master Sailor Moon. There's something there, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's something there. Wait, I know all your things.

So you had Cornwall click. Oh, you know my music things. Gotcha. Yeah. Or girl, always three R's. Girl. Three R's, though. I spelled it a lot today.

So I'm like, is it two hours or four hours? I use it a lot. That's very... So, what is it, Sailor Moon? Sailor Moon girl. A sailor with three R's. Get the fuck out of here. You guys now call on it.

Wait. We have a lot of witnesses. I, I, L-O-R-R, M-O-O-O. We can try. Man, I think that's a little heavy-handed, yeah. And then it's like Sailor Moon dressed as a cow, and actually, I was going to be Sailor Sour-Moo for Halloween. I was going to be a cow dressed as Sailor.

That's great. That is fantastic. That is fantastic. Your leave here today with something. It'll have been worth your while. Thank you so much. Yeah. Okay, so you land down in Houston, and do you remember that being a overwhelming transition?

Or did you take to it? Of course, I've read Lil Luzzo and Sasha B. Fluton. Yeah. So I know that version of the story, but what was your overall? Did you feel fish out of water it? Yes. I think that it was a culture shock because I was like, I don't want to see horses in the roads instead of cars.

I was very dramatic. And I did see horses and was like, oh, shit. Like, hey. So that was big. But also, my entire family is in Detroit. And my church was my whole family. Like, versus in Houston, there are megachurches where it's just a congregation of the people from the city. Also, by the way, the pastor is flying in a helicopter coming down, preaching, getting back in a helicopter flying to his other mega church.

So he can spread the word quicker. Exactly. But our church, the main room was the size of this. Was there music in that church? Yes, the choir are my cousins and aunties. The band are my cousins. The pastor is my uncle. It's all my family.

It scares me. I say this all the time. I'm not religious. And in fact, religion scares me a bit. But I do fear it's decline because, like, yeah, we just had Anderson Pack on that. He learned to play drums at the church. Yes. Where are all those kids in the decline of that?

Like, where are they going to get the music education scares me a little bit? That's what I'm worried about too. I don't even think there can be another Whitney Houston or anyone close to her because church is so formative. You're born with the gift, of course. But in church, you kind of learn how to release your inhibitions. There's something about catching the spirit and there's something about the Holy Ghost and there's something about church music that allows you to express yourself in an inhibited way. And that's what Whitney brought to secular stages. She brought the church to the club.

Yeah. You're also already in community, which is already a heightened state. And then you add on music, which also is a heightened state, and it kind of can reach a level that otherwise it can. And everyone's rooting for you in the church. Like, no one's at church. There's no haters at church. That's bad.

Because it's not like, I'm sorry, somebody calling me. Oh, you can answer it. No, it's my driveway. Can we peep this case real quick? Oh, yeah. Speaking of Sailor Moom. No, I didn't know why your person was. so big and now I do.

Because what other person would that phone fit in? Wow. This is from Sailor Moon. It's her crescent wand. So she's like, moving prison power, make up. And then the powers come out of it and she turns into Sailor Moon. Yeah, but I also hate touching phones. It burns my fingertips.

Sorry. A little side note about me. I'm sensitive. We were talking about something. Church. Church. People rooting for you. People rooting for you.

Because it's not about that. It's about God. Yes. So we're singing for God. Yeah. We're using our talents and our gifts for God. And I think that's the difference. There's a humility in it.

Yes. Because when you think about pop music and in the pop space, most singers are singing for the coin. They're singing for the check. They're singing for the glory. Approval. The approval. Because they have to. But when you see a person who was anointed and who is singing for a higher purpose, it just hits differently.

I don't see it anymore. It's declining. at a rapid rate. So in Houston, what church did you end up at? One of the megas? We ended up at a mega. Uh-huh.

Did the pastor ever have a scandal while you were there? Because what did they also like to do with the private jets is they also like to get in a little trouble in the sheets that seems pretty often? You know, I went to a few churches. I'm not going to name names because we don't want, but I went to a few megas. But I will name one. I went to Lakewood for a while. I remember when Pastor Joel's father had passed away because he was the head of Lakewood. And I remember when he passed away, there was a huge billboard.

It was like, we're going to miss you. you and then Joel begrudgingly took over. Joe Olstein? Yes, begrat. He was like the young, cool P.K. Oh, my God. But I remember he took over and it just started going crazy. He bought the Charlotte Hornet Stadium, right?

That's Joel Olstein. Well, he bought the arena that I know about. Yeah, this dude owns arenas. Yeah. And then moved the church into that arena. And I was like, oh, they big ball? And now I was driving by him on the highway. I said, let me see what it's all about.

And I checked it out. So I did a lot of church hopping. But my family, I think they were very turned off. Our first year there, we went to church and it was a mega church. And it was New Year's Eve, actually, I remember we went to church. And, you know, we pray into the new year. There was a lot of issues. I feel like my family was very uncomfortable, but it's a weird story.

There was a huge power outage at midnight and everything shut down. And my dad was like a very superstitious kind of person. And he had already been feeling weird. And when that happened, he was like, I don't want to do this anymore. Like, that was a sign that we shouldn't be going to these churches. So my family stopped going to church when I was very young. All together. I'm the only one who continued to pursue church and congregation.

And eventually with my best friend, I found a church and it was very small. And we would go together. And it was so small that, like, we would have to move locations. He would rent out buildings. And sometimes they wouldn't make rent so we would move to another building. But wherever we were, we would always come together. It would be the same congregation. We would sing and we would play.

And it was very, very graphic. roots and I loved it because I was hanging out with my best friends on the weekend, but I also loved it because it gave me a place to be sacred. I crave that. Yeah. I think it's important. And so how did you do with the other kids in school? You said they were country.

Were you in a rural area? Maybe I was in the SWAT. I was in the Southwest A Leaf, Texas, which is southwest of Houston. So this is Houston and the H, as we like to say. And then there's the north side, south side, west side with Katie. and then there's east side, which we don't really go over there because that's basically Louisiana. And I was down here in the Swat. Okay.

So it's all the greater Houston area, but we was in the SWAT down here. Mind you, 30 years prior, it was all cows in that area. Okay. So there's still fields. Down Highway 6, there's just fields. Oh, plantations. Yeah. Prisons, which are plantation.

Yes, exactly. Very much that. And so when we moved into our neighborhood, We were the second house. I remember when the neighborhood was being built and our house was being kind of put up, it was all grass. And then it developed really quickly. And it became real country urban.

The culture moved very quickly. My sister older than me, we went to the same high school. Elsk was very kind of artsy. By the time I got there, it was the trap. Wow. It took four years for it to be the trap. It was fun, though. I loved high school.

Middle school is where it was rough. You was out here cracking and shit. That was my, funny enough, Monica was born in 87. You were born in 88, 427-88. And that is my peak year of my entire life. And I've had a charmed life. But seventh grade is the best year of my whole life. Really?

It went all downhill in high school. What happened in high school? Okay, so in eighth grade, I was 511-160. In ninth grade, I was 6.3.150. So I lost 10 pounds, grew four inches. This nose came in, but this all did. didn't come in. So it's just a huge nose, terrible hairdo. My brother had me get a perm. And it was long and bad with a perm up top. Huge nose, acne, rake figure. It just was a bummer.

Brand new school. What's wrong with being tall? It's okay if you're tall unless you're 150. And 6-3, that's not enough weight on that frame. You feel me? Yeah, I was real beanpoly. Oh, so they were calling you bean pole and shit. Well, I fought, so they were fighting them. Yeah, I fought. Yeah, man. Body shaming goes both ways. Of course. Nobody likes what they got, period.

Yeah, but also, if somebody's mean enough, they'll find a way to make fun of you. Oh, of course. If you would have talked about my nose, I was devastated, right? Or my acne. Or I remember it was my shoes. They would be like, oh, slouchy shoes, your shoes slouch. I'm like, why did you say that? How did you go?

And also, that means nothing. What does that mean? What's a slouchy shoe? I don't even know. I'll have wide feet. Oh, my shoes were kind of slouch on the side. And it's like, back then, I, you don't even know, I used to bind my feet. I found out, like, Cambodian women would, like, bind their feet.

In middle school, I was binding my feet with tape. So that my shoes wouldn't slouch on my air forces would stay crispy on the side. Because if I had a little slouch on the edge of my air forces, somebody would see it and it'd be the end of the world. So you were binding for width. Those gals were binding for length generally. Yeah. Okay. I think they're binding all around.

They're trying to have the teeniest time. Oh, they had, you've seen those x-rays. It's a hoof. Fuck my feet. Well, of course. I had Wistakaw, and grown toenails and shit. Okay. I don't have no arch.

Actually, I'm realizing that's probably why heels hurt so bad now. I fucks my shit up. No, I think they hurt. They do just hurt. Trying to not be slouchy girls. But middle school was, I think, the worst. You know, in Detroit, black people, we have what's called the Detroit proper. So if you talk to my cousins, it's like, well, how y'all doing today?

How's everybody doing? God bless you. Amen. Amen. But in Houston, everyone's very country. And if you don't talk very country and you talk proper, you talk white. So I was getting the white girl. I liked anime.

I wasn't wearing my hair like the other girls. You got Cambodian feet. I had Cambodian bounce feet. You're talking with Cambodian feet. Oh, my goodness. My interests were just different. Japanese interests. Yes.

And this was before liking anime was cool because now liking anime is just so standard. Yeah, thank you, Farrell. Uh-huh. Karel made it cool, but like before that, it was like, why do you like that weird stuff? I didn't conform. I didn't shave my legs because my mom and my sister, they don't shave their legs. So I didn't learn how to shave my legs. And I still, to this day, don't really need to shave my legs.

But the girls were like, your legs are hairy. Why don't you shave your legs? You're weird. And I'm like, why are y'all just finding anything to say about me? So most of my bullying was middle school. That was the brunt of it. But it was also the height of my delusion. So I didn't really notice because I was in a fantasy world.

Yes, me too. Like I couldn't find my clothes after gym one day. And I was like, hmm, my clothes just disappeared. No, girl, they took your clothes and threw it on top of the locker so you wouldn't find it. So you'd be walking around to your gym clothes all day. Okay, so you were saved by your obliviousness sometimes. That's the word. Because I'm oblivious to this day.

I can't pick up on certain signals. I'd be like, wow, how did that get past me? That can be a blessing. Yeah, it might be a- It can save you a lot of pain. It might be learned. It might not be something you just are. Your brain might be protecting you.

Yeah, you might also call it disassociation these days. Yeah. Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare. We are supported by Allstate. Checking Allstate First could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether someone is actually waving at you before waving back. You saw the wave. You went big.

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I would raise my hand in class, and I raised my hand a lot to the point where, like, the teacher would ignore me. I was the only one raising my hand. And I remember at one point when I would raise my hand in class, they would go, damn. And everyone would start laughing. I was like, oh, they're laughing with me. Like, I didn't think anyone was making fun of me. I kept raising my hand. So I did have a little bit of obliviousness with the teasing.

But when I look back on it, I was like, oh, no, it was really coming for me. On the other end of the spectrum, there was the very obvious, like, somebody called me fat ass every day. You know, it's like, what's up, fat ass? I had teachers kind of made fun of me, too, because I had really sweaty hair, y'all. Well, Houston's a beat down with humidity. And I was sometimes I had to walk to school in humidity because I wasn't far. My brother and sister, my sister has very, very long, curly, mind you, this is a weave. But really long, curly Alicia Keys like hair, right?

So she would always just wake up wet her hair and scrunch it in some moose. My brother very same. So he would just scrunch it with some moose. I'm the last baby. So they would tell me to scrunch my hair with some moose. It did not look like that. My hair's way more coarse, way more fine, way more kinky. I got like an actual afro.

So I would wake up in the morning and wet my hair and scrunch it with some moose and look a hot-ass mess. Oh, no. And I will put my hair in these little unconed wet-ass ponytails. And I will go to school and be like, this is so embarrassing and I'm putting myself all the way out there it was not mad at it but it would mildew

because I was sweat in my head and it was humid at school and my hair was wet all day in the bun oh no it was in a bun it wasn't itchy it wasn't itchy but it was just a wet ass mildewy ass bun

it was a wab wet ass bun yeah you got that from the top make it drop But I had to like learn real quick in middle school. Like my hair is not like my brother and sisters. My hair's not like my mother and father's. My mom had really long hair touching her butt.

My dad had a ponytail. Rico Suave. Oh, he did. I'm the only one with an afro. So I'm like, I have to learn how to jazz it up. And I did. I got my first weave the last day of eighth grade. And I remember I was walking through and it was the last day of middle school because we

were going all to high school. And they were like, oh, Melissa. Oh, Melissa. Like, everybody was gagged. I remember I had this little chocolate brown weave that I glued in myself. And my mom helped me glue it and flipped out the ends like this. I had the little Farrah Fawson. I was like, yes.

And it was very sandy in Greece. Like, what's up? And they were like, wow, she's actually pretty. Wow, she actually looks nice when she does her hair. And so I took that energy and went from Melissa to Lizzo. And so it was a big reset for high school. Yes. You were shaving your legs.

You had your hair, right? Yes. Shave my legs for no reason, by the way. Just to fit it. There's no hair. Just to fit it. And we stopped by. binding our feet in ice school.

We stopped binding our feet. We started getting wider shoes. I think I switched from Air Forces to, what's the one the strap? The Reebok, Adidas? No, no, no. What's the one that Phyllas? Oh, Phyllis.

Okay. Because I had a little rounder situation. I was like, I'm in the Phyllas. Like, y'all don't know about this. Y'all know nothing about this. Yeah, you were bringing it back to Run DMC. Exactly. That's what they wore.

Phila. Is that what they wore? I am. My Adidas. They did have my. Yeah, I see, you're wrong. Look at you. No, hold on.

Oh, oh. Oh, I want to say they switched to philas. Anyways, in the fact check. We'll do that for the fact check. Okay, so you start playing the flute at 10 years old. Yeah, fifth grade. Fifth grade. And you play all the way through to go to college.

But even before that, at 14, you formed the corn row click. Cornrow click. How many of you, three? There was four of us. Okay. And you were rapping? I was rapping. So flute and rap happening simultaneously.

Flu first. Rap second. And then you went to University of Houston. Go Coogs. To major in... Music, performance, and flute. Okay. And you did, what, three years there?

I did about one and a half years before I chickened out. It didn't correlate with your father dying. Um, hmm. Yes, they were very close together, though. Yeah, no, it was same time. Okay. Same time. Yeah.

That would explain to me. But it was like I dropped out and then he passed. around the same time. It was like a year before he passed. I dropped out. And what, can I ask why he died up? That's a great question. I don't know. How old was he? I think he was like 53. Yeah, way too young. He was a baby. Like when I think about it now, I'm like, oh my God. Oh yeah, that's in five seconds. He had strokes. Hypertension. Yeah, yeah. Hypertension. He had congestive heart failure. But like, was always trying to like manage that. And honestly, he was like doing better. And I was actually shocked. So it was quite sudden. You didn't have any

since that was coming. And were you guys close? Mm-hmm. I would consider myself a daddy's girl. You dedicated the book to him. I did. He told me that I was going to be a great flute player before I even thought I would be a great flute.

He was like super into the flute. And mind you, this is somebody who was very strict on his kids because he wanted us all to be very successful. My brother, he was like, you got to do football. My brother's like 6'5, like in high school. And he was like, no, you're going to play football. And my sister. He's like, you're going to do this.

And they kind of rebelled. My sister and my brother wanted to do more arts. My brother, he can draw. He's like super talented. And my sister is extremely talented in music and arts. And they wanted to do that. And I wanted to do this flute thing, which is music and arts. And I was like, sure, he wasn't going to fuck with it.

But he was like, no, this is great. Do this. Do this. And am I wrong real quick? I can name like seven great jazz saxophone players. I can probably name like eight great trumpet players, even clarinet. I can't think of a real famous flutist, right?

And, you know, black people, we don't say Chris Martin, we say cold play. So he would always say, you got to be like Jeth Rottal. Okay. But I didn't realize, I thought his name was Jeff Rotoal. It's just a band. Yeah, that's common, though. His name is Ian Anderson. Uh-huh.

But my dad would always be like, you're going to be like Jeth Rol. So, yeah, I think that was a big part of it because, A, there was a huge gap for what I provided. Oh, I just realized why you're saying Jeth Roto. A heavy flute in Jeth Roto. Yeah, the Ian Anderson. He's the flute player. Yeah. And my dad would be like, you're going to be like Jethro.

I thought that was a black man because Jethro is a black ass. Yeah, especially down in Houston. So I said, oh, Jethro, I'm going to be like Jethro and him. So I always say that I just got a book of Ian Anderson flute solos. And I'm like, oh, that's his name. It's crazy. But like that was our only kind of contemporary flute person that we knew of. Because everything else, there was the classical side that I was super into,

like Sir James Goway, is my huge. So there was that side. But you think about yo-yo-ma, besides Sir James, where is the yo-yo-ma of flute now, where you're going on late-night shows and shit? Yeah, I can't think of a super famous flutist. Flutist. Is it floutist?

Floutist? My whole life, I grew up, it was floutist. Yeah. Literally, recently, I'm telling you right after college, it was like, it's actually flutist. I think that's a Mandela effect. I think it's switched from floutist to flutist. Yeah.

Because I remember us being like, no, no, no, it's floutist, correcting people. Yeah. And now it's flutist. Okay. Tomato, flotist, flutist. Hello. Floutist sounds better. It sounds more fancy.

I'm going to say I'm a flautist. Like flautin, too. It, like, shares some DNA with flaunting. There's a little magic. But if I'm around, if I was in a group of flute players, I would say flutist. Because I would be afraid to be looked down upon. Sure. Okay.

Well, they need to look up to you. But yes, but then talking to the lay person, you might say floutist. Yeah, a muggle. A muggle. A muggle like us. A non-music reading individual, yeah. Well, that Harry Potter punched through everything. God, it got me. They got everyone, didn't it?

It's universal. What happened? Oh, just my reference? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I think if you're at y'all's age, you love Harry Potter. It had no borders. Someone asked me recently, why do you like Harry Potter so much? But it was such a young person asking a millennial.

And I was like, oh, my God, this is like a moniker of what our generation. What was your answer? Because it's to me quite obvious. He did ask me because we went to the Harry Potter Studios when we were eating the Harry Potter food. And I was like, well, because I read the books. And I was like, and I was present when the movies were coming out. And it was like a really big deal.

And he was like, so when did the books come out? And he was looking up the year. And I was like, don't look up the year. Because he wasn't born yet. Oh my God. He was like, 1997. I was like, don't look at that. Or was my kids say the 1900s?

No, literally. I was like, no. It was like 2005. Like, that's when the last book. Yeah. I was in line for the last book. I was also in line. At the Barnes & Noble?

Yes. Or like sometimes you pre-order them, but you have to get in line. But I think part of it is because our generation, we were their age. Yes. Give or take a couple years, but the main characters were our age. So we were growing up with them. Yeah. Well, y'all, the reason it was so successful is the same reason that you love Goodwill hunting.

Any story about someone who's normal and average and finds out they're incredibly special is the most wishful film any story. They're downtrodden, right? It's like, it's worse than, yeah. He's getting shit on by that terrible family he lives with. And then you find out, no, I am special. I kind of had a hunch I was special on that. And we all feel that way.

We all think like, I think I'm special. Why doesn't anyone see it? So this book is about someone seeing how special you are. And then getting to go with the other special folks. And we also like, it's like, it's also. I feel like every story has this. It's a Cinderella story. But I don't think, you know, I think you could go.

It's the magic. But that's just the fun stuff. But the real human stuff is like, hey, I'm really special. Why doesn't anyone see that? Like, if you want a successful children's stories, start with child who doesn't feel special. Give them purpose, make them feel special. And then add your own magic to it. I think that's the true story of childhood in growing up.

Yeah. And by the way, we all deserve to feel special and be seen as special. but it doesn't happen. And the more relatable your hero is, the more you can see yourself in it. And that's why I wrote Lilizzo Me Sascha B Fluting. Yes. Even the kids we thought didn't feel that way, felt that way.

Yeah. You know, even the kids that were in the cool clique, there were four kids cooler than them and they couldn't figure out why it was. You know, it's kind of a universal human. We all just think everyone knows what's going on feels like they've got it figured out, but no one does.

Those kids, like the cool kids, who are fortunate to be cool and feel special at that age, I think eventually, though, they have to learn how to find their special that's not external validation. And, oh, because you're so hot or because you're just so effortlessly cool, you're just the guy. They have to figure that out later in life. I was a nerd, so I didn't have that at the reverse.

Yeah, I think that can be harder in some ways when you've lived a whole life with other people telling you something. And then you're like, who am I? Yes. Okay. So back to college, was there a specific? thing that had you leave? Yeah, pressure.

College was wow. When you are a music major, you got to wake up at the ass crack of dawn, and you're actually extremely independent. You wake up at the ass crack at dawn. You all have a big recital that you have to complete midterm

and at the end of the year. And so every day, you have to log hours in the rehearsal room, which is this scary little room by yourself because there's all these rehearsal rooms, but they're pretty thick because... They're like phone booths. Yeah, because you don't want to believe.

the sound, everyone's rehearsing. So I'm in this room in this old-ass building, which I know was haunted. I hate ISO booths now. When I record music, like, I don't go into the booth. Like, I record in the control room with everyone else with the microphone. Because you're like PTSD.

Yeah, because when I go in those rooms, I'm like, so I'm just realizing that's what that's from. You weren't even pumped about the size of this room. Too small. You comment it. I'm cool. You like a big space. No, she said the church was this size.

Yeah. She likes that. Okay, okay, okay. It wasn't in a pajjointed. It's not the size. He's in. It's what you guys have done with it. And I think you've done a great job.

The hidden cameras are a nice touch. Meta ain't got nothing on y'all. Yes, anyways, you're waking up. You're hitting the marching band field at like seven in the morning. It's one band, one sound. Then you break. And then you have to go and you got to find a practice room. You got to log hours.

You got to rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. Then you have to go to like regular fucking school. And that's the part that really pissed me off. Because I felt like I was in fame. And I was like, I'm waking up and I'm doing music. This is the thing. I'm an independent woman. And then you have to like go to math and English.

And I'm like, why the fuck am I doing this again? Yeah. I did this for 18 years. You needed to go to a conservatory. That was the plan. After U of H, I was going to go to the Paris Conservatory because that's all I wanted to do. And I was kind of getting exhausted of that because then it was like, of course, the conservatoire was great. But then I'm also a jazzy black girl with friends who I went to college with close friends.

And so there was parties and I was rapping with them and I was in a rap crew. night life and then waking up at seven in the morning. And it was like wanting to be in a sorority and then waking up at seven in the morning. I felt like I was getting pulled and I was really, really stressed out about it. It was really stressful to me. That was like one of the hardest times in my life. I'd feel like I just kind of gave up. And then so you had the shame of quitting probably, right?

You did regrets about that or no? No. Good. Well, it worked out. It worked out. But I bet for a year it didn't feel like. For a few years. I just, yeah, gave away my one shot at making a living at this.

Yes. for a few years because if I had had any other kind of degree, if I was pursuing like a doctor or nursing or teaching, maybe to this day I'd have regrets because I'm like, it'd be nice to have that. But I was pursuing music performance and flute, and now I'm performing music and flute. So I really honestly think I deserve my doctorate.

Yeah. I'm sure if you give this speech, they'll give it to you. I played with the National Symphony Orchestra last month. Have they not invited you to give a commencement speech? I would love to do that. University of Houston, get your shit together. Yeah. Duh.

Get her down there. Ruck Fice. Honorary doctorate. Give her a doctorate degree. Okay. Why Minneapolis? Like, if I'm you and I'm thinking about moving somewhere to pursue music, I guess I'm probably thinking L.A. New York, Atlanta.

Hello. Outside of Prince, why are we going to Minneapolis? Which I wasn't even aware of. I didn't know he lived there. It's a really funny story. I was in the indie side of things. So I wasn't on the industry. Like if I wanted to be an industry girl, maybe I would have moved to New York or L.A.

But I was in a rock band at that time. And I had been going back and forth with this producer via Zoom. And I was like writing with him. And he lived in Denver. And I was still in this rock band. And I was like, man, working with this guy is pretty cool. And he was like, hey, I'm going to move to Minneapolis. And he was like, you want to come with me and be in my band.

I was like Minneapolis. I didn't really think anything of Minneapolis back then as far as like music because I was in my own Houston bubble. I went to South by Southwest that year, which is a music festival in Austin, Texas. And every fucking person I met was from Minneapolis. Oh, really? Every band that performed, every rapper, I was like, where are you from? And they're like, Minneapolis.

And I would like link up with them and we'd run around and party and have like the best time. And they were like boofing vodka up their ass and like eating Molly off the floor. Wow. It was just crazy time. I was like sleeping in my car. and then they all, like, slept in the car with me because that was the only play.

We didn't have a hotel room. I was like, these people are fun. And I was like, you know what I will move to Minneapolis? Because I had already made a bunch of friends at this festival. And I was like, I'll just link up with them when I get to the Twin Cities. And I did. And I still had my hesitation. And then I played a show there.

And it was like our first show. Oh, my God, the varsity club. We played the varsity club. Anyone who knows Minneapolis knows. And I remember I performed. And afterwards, someone came up to me. It was a girl. And I remember she was like,

like, do you live here? And I was like, no. And she was like, you need to live here. We need someone like you. Oh, wow. And I was like, easy. Okay. And I was like, you know, got to tell me twice.

I was like, wow, I felt so appreciated and loved in that community. But, you know, they love on their artists. They love on their local artists. They have such a rich local music scene, especially when I was there. I felt like there was something in the lake water, man. There was rhyme sayers. So there was atmosphere. and Doomtree and you could sell out every venue in the city with just local acts all in one night.

And we would like bike and run over to the different venue. I don't know what it is about the Twin Cities, but it's not just the music scene. It's the restaurant culture too. The mom and pop shops, the family-owned restaurants, there's so much love and support in that way. It seems like it's kinder than some of these other big cities. Yeah. And it's got like a Portland kind of feel where like they really just give into community. I think it's super, super community-based.

There's nothing like it. So you got big there. You got big. Like, you had songs that were so confused by that. That were big there and they wrote about you there. And you kind of were a queen there. I feel like that's a great place to learn how to do all this. I felt very appreciated.

I also feel like I was an anomaly because I was this black girl raised in Cogic Church who could freestyle rap like a Houstonian or a, like Mike Jones and I was up in the Twin Cities, just this anomaly of a person, but I could also jamming rock bands and I played the flute. And they were just like, who the fuck are you? Like, you're so weird. And I was in like 12 bands. You know, I played flute with my friend who was a rapper. I was in this noise band. I was in two girl groups. I was in an electro pop band. I was in so many bands, y'all. And I would pop up on stage and collaborate with the other rappers. doing anything for free.

How did you end up recording with Prince? I was on my second girl group. That was fun. Those were the days. But our group was featured in a documentary that was on NPR, the current. And they were highlighting girl groups. And so it was us. And then Prince also had a girl group, third-eyed girl. And so we were all in this documentary.

And then I remember we got a call from the radio station. It was just like, hey, somebody wants to work with you. We were like, who? The rest was his. Wait, so Prince is using the radio station to book his stuff? That's how he found us. By the way, the current is an incredible station. It's the NPR station there.

And just beloved, when you heard your song on the current for the first time, it was a big deal. Like, we would pull up and we were all in the car together. And the first time they played our song, we turned the volume up and we were like screaming. It's like being on Morning Becomes Eclectic back in the day. What is that? That was the L.A. NPR, Morning Becomes Eclectic. The Garden State soundtrack was the current running soundtrack of Morning Becomes Eclectic when that movie came out. And the guy who would curate all those songs has now done a lot of music supervision and shows and movies.

Because he says impeccable taste and it was where you would go discover the coolest new bands that would become these huge bands. So I'm imagining it's the same thing as the current. Wait. You're knowing it now? Hold on. Your garden state? Am I tripping? No, but people think I am.

I literally, I literally almost passed out. Wait, this is all weird. No, my doppelganger is Zach Braff. I am not Zach Braff. I was, my brain was swimming. Yeah, you started getting scared like, I got the wrong guy. Podcasts have I been on this entire time? No, this is great.

This happens all that. He gets asked to take pictures all the time as me and vice versa and we just do it. And y'all's names have this. Zach, dac. Yeah. Yeah. White boys with big noses. Rad ass names.

That just, you really fucked me. Don't do that again. Don't do that again. Anyways, have you seen scrubs? Let's change subjects. Have you seen scrubs? Look, that's really fucking confusing. That's Zach Brow.

I'm parenthood and without a paddle. He's punked. No, I know you are. But for a second, I thought I didn't. I said, oh, shit. That was confusing. No, you fucked me over intentionally. All right.

Rewind. You did a great job. You asked. You didn't say like, oh, yeah, I love your movie Garden Street. I don't, I can't cap in my rap. Yeah.

But if you rewatch this tape, you will see. No, the look on your face was very genuine. You got really scared about time space. You were like, where am I in the universe right now? Continuum broke down.

Oh my God. Holy shit. Okay. That's really. All right. Anyways, we're back. That's right. Check it out.

It's a new season. Yeah, we brought it back. Anywho. Stop. Okay. 2013, first solo album, Lizzo Bangers.

This is the one that got really big in Minneapolis in particular, right? Yes, I was able to sell out First Avenue. And the song Batches and Cookies, that one was getting played on, like, BBC Radio. This whole Minneapolis chapter is really fucking cool, because I don't know if you went to New York, if you would have gotten all this encouragement and, like, started fortifying your confidence. Or if you'd gone to L.A., or if you'd gone to Atlanta, like,

I think there's a special accident that happened, that you go to South by, you end up there. And then you're loved there. Yeah. And you kind of learn to be loved. You got to learn to be loved, no? You do have to learn to be loved. And I also feel like I never felt like I really belonged anywhere fully as an artist.

Because when I was in my rap cruise, I was still writing pop music. And then I also was listening to rock. And then when I was in my rock band, I still wanted to shake ass and freestyle rap. And then gospel music don't let you do none of that. Yeah. And flute really don't let you do none of that. And then I got to Minneapolis. And for some of my reason, all of it was okay.

Prince is the fingerprint of the city. And Prince is doing crazy guitar solos on an R&B song in the 80s. He's going to a Bob Seeger concert and going, why is that guy in arenas? Oh, he does ballads. I'm going to do ballads. He's a neat, you know, amalgam of all these things. And so I think the vibe is like very embracing of something that's a little left to center or avant-garde. So it's like a beautiful place for you to learn to do this.

Like weird was okay. Yeah, yeah, right, right. And I was like, oh my God, it's okay to be weird. I would say that all the time. I just feel like Minneapolis, the people there are so supportive of black people. I just felt loved and appreciated for who I was. And I wasn't called white girl. I was actually the blackest person in the room with that.

Who are you kind of country? Like, me? Yeah. This white girl? Yeah. I'm country. I'm hood. Oh, wow.

That's a first for me. That's a first for Elmo. So. But yeah, no, I loved my time. It was magical. At that time when you were kind of a big thing in Minneapolis, did you ever think like, yeah, this is good. Like this would be enough?

Absolutely. Yeah. Oh my God. Like you made it. Making it, I hate to be that person who's like, no, not actually making it. I hate those people. But I have to be very clear about when you're a big deal in Minneapolis,

it's not cloudy or fame-like. Literally, it's like, oh, I. could play this show and I can pay my bills really well. I can tour and make money and I can give money to my mom. I can help my people out. And if my people need to come stay with me, they can come stay with me and I can eat wherever I want in the nicest restaurants in Minneapolis. I can fly wherever I want a nice flight, nice virgin first class sometimes. It was really that. Did you have a nice car then? Do you care about cars? Hold on. Give me a second. I did not drive for a long time. I did not drive for a long How the fuck did I get around?

Yeah, yeah. How the fuck did I get around in Minneapolis? Did they have buses or a train? I dead ass, can't believe. I'm sitting back and realizing I don't know how I got around because I stopped driving because I had a little... Little DUI sitch. My license was not DUI.

Okay, sorry. That's a very common reason to lose your license. No, I've never no DUI, nothing like that. But you know, she was the HPD. They liked to fuck with me. And my license was basically hot for like a decade. Okay. My license got unhot when I moved to LA finally.

I say, can we figure this off? You're like, let me hire a lawyer to figure this out. So I go to the DMV. I'm scared to go to DMV. I don't know if that's an experience for y'all, but I have a fear that if I go to the DMV, I'm going to get arrested and put into prison because I know that can happen to people.

That's how you get got. Or they'll be like, hey, everything's fine. You mind just stepping out of the vehicle for a second? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything's fine. Yeah, yeah. Fucking. Yeah.

So anyway, shit was hot for a while. So boom, right? I'm like, okay, finally have enough money to pay off whatever this weird thing is, why I can't get my license, was holding my license up. I pay it off. My shit's still hot. I was like, chest out. I finally get a license. I walk up to that, but she's like, oh, no, sorry, you can't get one.

Mind you, I'm scared. I'm like, I'm thinking the cops spot to fly out. U.S. Marshals are. They're like, no, you just can't. So there were two Melissa Jefferson's. Two driver's licenses out there with my face and my name. and they both had a record. Oh, my God.

So somebody got your idea and started having a good time on the highway. I, to this day, don't know. What happened? It's him. It was you. I lost my license three times. I had to do something. Oh, my God.

Imagine the gag. They're like, is that right? So I finally paid that one off. And now I can drive. So I did not have a car. I did not drive in Minneapolis. I rode in the back of people's cars. You know what, Minneapolis?

I love you so much. I rode in the backseat of people's cars. I slept on people's couches. I slept on people's floors and futons and guest rooms. I ate meals that y'all cooked. I ate free poutine for playing shows, drank free beer for playing shows. That city really did take care of me. PAPS, Blue Ribbon.

Huge in the north. PBR! That's right. She's out, too. Is it? I think it's just big. Yeah, when you're driving, I've driven a motorcycle across the northern part of the country. And when you're going through Wisconsin, people can have a bar in their house.

Like the liquor license is very weird. And everyone has a Paps Blue Ribbon sign hanging off their porch. Yeah, they love that shit. And in Minnesota, we get a bit of that too. You do get a little bit of PBR up. Yeah, yeah. And then there's Ticcate down south. Ticcate, Lone Star.

Beer, right? Beer, I know. I don't think people fucking will beer no more. In the South, there still, they're going to breweries and stuff. I was just there. You was at a brewery? I was about to say something wrong with people who go to breweries, but I don't want to judge. I don't mean the judge, but.

You don't need a judge. It's like, why do you want to taste nasty? after nasty after nasty. But I agree. I don't like beer, but my friends still like it who are there. I carbonated piss.

It doesn't taste good. We're having our first dust up because you're wrong. Beer's delicious. It's been with us for millennia. He does have a beer comes. So has shit. Like,

nasty thinks have been around for a long time. That's a fair. I don't know if that's a good con. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But beer's delicious is a crazy statement.

Okay. Beer's never been delicious. The only time beer is delicious is a crispy, fucking crunchity blue moon with some orange juice. I do like blue moon. I do like it. Okay, so I guess you do like it. With orange juice. You got to sweeten it up a little bit. Orange slice will suffice? I will squeeze the orange peel and then dump a bunch.

But you don't actually need Tropicana dumped in there. You just want the orange slice. But I need that orange flavor. You want a little citrus pop. You want a little citrus pop, a little sweetness. Sure, sure, sure. They call it a Colorado Mimosa. Oh, that's what it is. Okay. And you'll fuck with that. I'll fuck with that. Yeah. Okay, good. I want to talk about something.

Okay, okay, come on. So in 2014, in the wake of Lizzo Bangers, which was like very well reviewed, and you're kind of really getting some traction and some momentum, you do this interview for style like use what's underneath. Yes, yeah. And in this interview, while talking about your body, you start taking your clothes off, which then leads to my skin. And I do wonder, when you look back on your life, don't you think of some of these decisions

that kind of came out of nowhere, literally put you on a trajectory? And then you wonder like, wow, if I had a... done that magazine, maybe I end up there, but how much longer or how much later would have that have been? I have a very auspicious life. I think tourists do, though. I think we are like the forest gump of the zodiac. Okay.

But like, I think about all these things because I just taught a self-love class on Twitch. And somebody asked me, how did you learn all this shit about self-love? And I was like, my heart was broken in a million pieces. And I just started desperately clinging to books and crystals and candles and prayer. And then I discovered. self-love in my desperation to love people without conditions. And then I started writing all these songs about self-love. And now I'm the self-love guru.

And now I'm teaching this self-love class on Twitch. It was like this weird, full-circle thing where, like, when I go back to 2016 clutching of fucking rose courts and a black termalina in my apartment that's about as big as this space. I love using this space as a reference. Yeah. As a reference one. Touched one. I would have never imagined.

the life that I have now or needing that moment to have the life that I have now. It felt so impassing or not important. Just like the style like you, when I got that interview, I didn't even realize I was underprepared for the interview because I didn't know what it was. That's why I was just doing press and I was just doing shit. I was like, all right, whatever. I was coming rolling up, hungover to things, not in like a dark kind of way, but I would party a lot. And I'll be like, what are we doing today?

What are we talking about today? And they're like, you know, you have to remove articles of clothing. I was like, I don't have that many pieces of clothing on to remove. That's part of the interview? Yeah, I took off my wig. Yes, part of the interview. Oh. So it's called what's underneath.

So you're slowly taking things off of they ask you questions. So a lot of people come with layers on because they're prepared. The people that know where they're going come in layers. Not me. Yeah. I'm over there. I literally had to take my wig off because I had nothing else to take off. I'm boring you with these Anderson Pack stories.

But another Anderson Pack thing that's crazy is he thought of the idea of I want to play Tiny Desk. You want to fuck Anderson Pack, don't. so bad. He really does. Dude, I think he is Prince. I think he's our Prince. No, he's fire. He is unreal. That smile? Oh, my God. A million watch. It's intoxicated. He can't not smile. He said he can't get his teeth in his mouth.

Oh, really? What a blessing. I know, right? Because you know, you can trick yourself into being happy. Yes, yes. And he's done it. But he had the idea of, I want to do tiny deaths. And then he got fucked up and he woke up in New York and he's hung over. He doesn't want to go. He tries to get out of it. And they basically force him to do it. it. And as you know, that's the biggest tiny desk ever. And that defined him. People are like, oh, he plays the drums and sings. Crazy. So yeah, it's that same weird thing. It's like you almost missed it. My tiny desk is also very underrated. Okay. So anyone listening, just go watch my

University of Houston. Get her to do the commencement speech. Go watch Tiny Desk. Watch Scrubs, new season out now. There's a new season for real. For real, they relaunched it. And it's actually really good. Yeah. Stay tuned for more armchair expert if you dare. Why isn't Big Girl Small World on Spotify or Apple? Damn. I was trying to listen to that today and I couldn't find it. Every time I get all live, somebody go, I want to listen to Humanize.

I want to listen to Humanize. Humanize is a music video that's online that's from that album. So you can listen to that. It's very Bjork. Well, me trying to be Bjork. If you want to know the unsexy answer. Yeah. Oh, my God.

This is, I'm, who fucking cares? It's over now. I already won the Grammys. So to be eligible for the Grammys, I had to take down previous works. Oh, why? Because Best New Artist. You could only have a certain amount of submissions or whatever, or not even submissions, but bodies of work out. Because I never submitted for the Grammys before that, but bodies of work.

And I had so many bodies of work out that they were counting them as albums. Or I don't even know if it was albums were just like songs out in the world. So I had to take down a shit ton of songs to be eligible for Best New Artist. If you then put them back up, they would take it back. I didn't even win it, so I'm good. You know, I think Billy Elish won, actually, which much deserved because I had been out for like a thousand years. But I say all that to say, I changed the rules. Because now the Grammys came out and said, hey, now you can have X amount.

It doesn't matter. You have to only have a certain amount of, like, well-known pieces to be eligible for Best New Artists. So that's why Apple gave me the Rule Breaker Award, because that's not the only rule I broke. Songs that came out three years ago never went number one on the Billboard charts. Like, that just was unheard of. I was telling Monica that, good as hell?

No, it was Truth Hurts. Oh, truth hurts. Good as hell as well. That had been out for a minute. That came out in 2017. And I said to Monica, can you imagine having good as hell? And for a couple years, you're like, I don't know, why isn't this fucking song?

And then it comes out on another album, and all of a sudden it is fucking... But mind you three years later, it was like top 10 billboard. Jim Hertz, number one billboard. Yeah, what does that like to have those songs that you must feel in your soul are worthy of that? Later, confirmed, but in the period before it's confirmed, are you going like, well, y'all, I don't know what else to do? Well, here's the gag. Well, first off, one thing about me, I don't care if I flop or have the biggest song in the world.

I'm a songwriter and a performer, so I'm always going to be okay. There's more where that comes from. I'm like, I'll write one. I got something in me. And I do think that there's a sort of scarcity mindset with a lot of people because they're given songs. And when you're not hot anymore and you flop, they won't give you the hot songs anymore. So you're in trouble.

But because I'm a songwriter and all these songs I wrote myself, I know that all I have to do is keep going and being myself. You know, so back then when it happened, I wasn't thinking like, why isn't this number one? Why isn't it? I was like, once in the next. I was honestly, first off, I thought where to hell my phone was going to change my life. When I wrote where to hell my phone, what the hell my phone, I was like, y'all, I'm scared.

Y'all, I'm scared. Nikki Minaj. You're like, everyone needs to get a hold of my ego, okay? Everyone pay attention. Keep me in check. I thought that I was about to be the hottest shit in the world that we go into the big league. No, right. Nothing happened to this day with that song.

You know, good as hell, truth hurts. I loved them. I believed in them. I thought they were incredible, but I'd never known any greater success than they had hit. So I just kept moving forward. And they were all step-ups anyways. Yeah, truth hurts was devastating for a lot of reasons. So truth hurts was devastating because I was like, yo, this song is actually really good.

I love this video. And I felt like a lot of people went dark on me who was supposed to support me at that time. And it kind of broke me down. And I was like, oh, I quit music. And then they were like, hey, don't do that. And I was like, all right, I'm just going to make music and just talk to my fans and not worry about nobody else, not worry about no Grammys, no number ones, nothing bigger than what I got. I think that's actually incredibly good advice for anyone that's artistic to hear.

I had two different people that helped me. One time I had written a sketch while I was doing sketch comedy at the groundlings, and then I saw almost the identical sketch on Saturday Night Live. And some of the folks that were at the show were writers on Saturday Night Live. And so I got all spun out. You know, I'm living in a fucking one-bedroom apartment. I've not made any money. About size of this room. It's a big deal to me.

And I remember talking to someone kind of higher up than me at the groundlings and saying like, too, do fuck. And this person said, if you think that's the only great sketch you're going to write, then you should go get a lawyer and sue you. If you think you are an endless well of great sketches, then keep it moving. And I heard that somehow. I don't know how. I'm pretty bullheaded.

But I heard that. And yeah, I think it's just like, if you're an artist, just keep fucking, be a volcano, man. Yeah. And now you look at the biggest artists in the world are people who have been out for a long time, putting out music consistently for years and not getting the appreciation they deserve. And then all of a sudden one day just popping the fuck off. Yeah, yeah. You know, thank you to the internet. Thank you to TikTok. Thank you to the fans who like consume it. So just keep fucking going. Use it. Oh my God. I use so much emotion. I use anger.

I can't wait to hear the song that comes out of this interview. I'm so excited. Oh, my God. All the anger. I thought he was Zach Braff. Dax, Zach, the tension between those. Zachs. The song should be called Zach's. The ax. The axe. The axe.

The song is a little on the nose. There's a more clunky. There's no nose. There's no face. I'm not a songwriter. I can't do it. You signed in 16 to Atlantic. Good as hell comes out.

2019, you're in ugly dolls. And you're in hustlers. Also, first movie you're in makes $160 million. It's crazy. It doesn't happen anybody. Wait, really? Yeah. It made $160 million.

It was a big movie. You know, guys, I never really. Paid attention. Because it's not your thing. You weren't setting out to being act. If your life was acting, you would damn well know. I didn't really appreciate the music shit either, bro. Oh, really?

I was performing at the AMAs and stuff, and I was just kind of breezing through everything. Because of this obliviousness or as a self-protection? It might be a combination of both. I really didn't smell the roses a lot. I just started appreciating and smelling the roses lately. But for the most part, I'm like, I had all that going for me. I even realized. Do you feel like you missed it?

I did miss that because that particular part of my career is never going to happen again. The discovery and the rise, that's never going to happen again. And it's scarier to be the person who's already famous and built in because there's one way to go. People want to bring you down as opposed to cheer. You know? I survived that part. It's Phoenix time. And then once you're Phoenix, you're good.

Okay. Yeah, you got to take the big beat down. And then if you Phoenix it, then you're kind of impenetrable. Oh, but I now feel like a mama bear for other artists. I see when they like start blowing up, I'm like, oh my gosh, it's coming. Oh, no, I hope they survive. I hope they make it. Yeah.

At the peak of that, once you start touring in 2020 was special, you've hosted SNL now. It's like you're really at that peak kind of everyone in the world. is singing to you, dancing, you, watching you on TV. Didn't even really realize it. Bowing down to you, really. I mean, that's what was happening. I know. That's too much.

You're not a god. Uncomfee. I want to know how you do on those tours that are really, really long. Of course, we watch the doc, love the dock. Do you get lonely? Are there waves? Are you happy? Then you're sad.

How do I describe this? Being on stage in front of 20,000 people who came to see you, who love you very intensely. We've got babysitters to see you. I know. Oh my God. Don't even get me started on that part. Yeah.

The sacrifice. Yeah, you know. But the energy that they're giving you, imagine every person you love all in one room, screaming, affirming you and I love you. It is the most incredible feeling. And then you're not up there doing something you don't like. I'm up there. singing songs that make me feel good.

And I love my music. Yeah. So we're doing this together. And it's this incredible high. And there's these lights. And then you go and you sit afterwards. There's a massive come down just chemically. I think this is why so many performers are addicts because the only way to sustain that

moment on stage once you're alone back in your room is it get fucked up. Yeah. I'm not calling you an addict, but I'm saying I think that's why somebody are addicts. I mean, I probably had an addiction to food or something. Okay. You're going to have something you regulate with. Yeah. And then I would just get very moody and, like, sad until it was time to get back on stage again.

And then it was awesome. But I love touring. Like, I love performing. And now I'm a way more balanced person. That touring for that long, you're kind of raggedy. Like, I was pretty raggedy. I know it looks so glamorous being glittery and diamondy and made up on singing songs. It's just the wear and tear of travel.

Anybody who goes on vacation knows that when you're done at vacation, even though you had a ball, you got to recover from the vacation because travel is taxing on the human body. So you're into planes, you into trains, you into automobiles, you into buses, time changes, you're going faster than the human body should go way too often. While I'm going as fast in a pressure fucking tube in the sky and then you're in the next city and then you're, oh, every fiber in your body you give to people. And back then, we was doing a radio promo because I don't think they really do that. Post-COVID. I don't think meet and greets and all of that. But it's like radio station meet and greets. You got your real-life meet and greets of your fans who came to the show.

You got your sound check parties. You have your press. You have your promo post-show. You got to talk to the suits and the ties. Yeah, you got sponsors. It's so much interaction and energy and talking and connecting. I'm really good at that. I love that shit.

But the human body. Only has so much. Yeah. And so I'd be really tired, but I would feel like I'm not allowed to admit that I'm tired. I'm in a very privileged position. Well, you feel you'll be ungrateful if you acknowledge that. Yes. Which is the great crime and sin of people who aren't eternally grateful if they've made it.

Yeah. Which is not possible for a human to feel eternally grateful. The human version of me is like, oh, I need a day off. You need a day off from your dream job? Exactly. That's great. No one's going to feel bad that you're tired on a way. world tour. I didn't even feel bad for myself. I said, bitch, get yourself together.

Yeah. Right. Get up. Girl, get up. Yeah. So after that height, there was a valley, and I'm not attempting to relitigate or get in any of the reasons there's a valley. But I've certainly been in valleys, but I've never been on a mountain as high as yours before I was in the valley as low as that. And so what emotionally was happening there and how did you regulate during that period. When you're going, going, going, going, going on a super high. And also, I wasn't even really perceiving how famous I had gotten. I feel like a regular girl in the Twin Cities walk into the bar, going to get some cheese

curds and a beer. I still feel like that girl. But the whole world is like everything I did was news. I had been going full throttle. It was like clothing line. It was like TV show tour album. I'm actually really doing well. Like, oh, my God.

I didn't even know how well that album was doing. I wasn't paying attention. I was just doing, you know, making my little TikToks. I had always planned to just, like, stop. My last show was in Japan on that tour. I had never been to Japan. I've been waiting to go to Japan my whole life. You know, Sailor Moon.

Yeah. And I was about to spend some time here. And I wasn't going to tour. I was going to take time to work on the next album. I had really planned to just, like, stop. but I also stopped while the world stopped fucking with me. And it was really weird because it was just like, yeah.

And I was like, whoa, this feels like my life is over. Yeah. Okay, no, quick question here. Because when I've had these things, some part of me goes, yep, I knew it, that she was going to drop. It's too good to be true. I didn't deserve it. I've had that fear my whole life about everything.

And I don't know why it's a common thing with people who are successful. We are always looking over our shoulder because I know with me personally, it started when we were in Detroit and then Detroit got taken away from my family, got taken away from me, church got taken away from me. And then after that, my dad died when I was 19, taken away. By the way, every time something kind of goods going. Yeah, something happened. Right?

Like you just found your shit in high school. You're in college. It's taken away. Yeah. And so with the fame thing and the success and the public. perception being super positive and being overly loved and people understanding me, I wasn't looking over my shoulder for a shoe to drop because I really genuinely was moving so purely. I really, which they say you shouldn't do, just really showed the whole world my heart.

You let your guard down. There was no guard ever, you know, type deal. Like, I came into this thing myself and I was like honored myself and I was just bumbling around as myself, unabashedly. So when everybody started hating me, I kind of didn't understand. And I think anyone in this position, because it happens to a lot of artists. Like, it happens to every artist, especially now. You look up and it's like, uh-oh, now everyone hates them. What happened? We never expect that's going to happen to us.

Do you remember when there was a fight in high school and, like, you'd see a huge crowd of kids running to go watch the fight? Did that happen in Houston? That was like where I grew up constantly, like you'd be at your locker and all. And the big mob's going, oh, shit, let's go. Someone's going to get their ass kick. They fight it. The internet to me is that it's like the pie. And you can see the big mob coming.

You're like, no, I got to get a piece of this. I had experienced little waves of it. But this time, after my tour ended, it was like legitimate. So I really did feel like my life was over because music had been my life. And I didn't feel like anyone wanted me to make music anymore. I only signed to a major label so I could help people. Because I was cool with being an indie artist. But then I was like, but I'm making music that makes people feel better about themselves

and seek love for themselves. Especially girls, especially black girls, especially big girls. Folks that deserve a champion. Trans people, people who felt other. So I was like, I'll sign to Atlantic because if that means y'all will get my music out to more people, I think of my music is medicine. So I was like, oh, wow, should I cease to exist? You're right. It was really heavy.

It was really heavy. And I think you have to kind of go to a very, very, very, very low place to be able to kind of float back up to the top. I had to stop making everything external about me. Everything that was happening outside, I was like, that don't got nothing to do with me anymore. Like, who am I? Who's in my real life? Who do I see day to day? Let me tell you something.

It was nobody for a while. But can I ask this? Here's what I've been guilty of. At moments that we've had great success, that has been something I can lean on when I'm doing some other shit. Like, for me, it was, I had a relapse, right? And it was like, this isn't good. We know this isn't good. We know that me using's not good.

I'm not an idiot. But then I go, but man, this other thing's going so good. I'm just going to think about this. Like, I had something to lean on that was pretty powerful for me. And I think if in the wake of me also, I also, I don't even have the thing I had been leaning on. We're at a very lonely, scary spot. Like, I don't even have the crutch now of success. Oh, my God. Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I can't even really articulate it, but I understand what you're saying. Yeah. It's like, just keeping myself above water because I know I have this thing that's really quite special and good. But by God, if you took that for me at that moment, I would, I don't know. Like, again, I don't know if I can exist at that moment because it's all I'm using to keeping myself afloat.

You know, what I came to is like knowing who you are and not like what you do. And I feel like I had been identifying myself as what I do for so long instead of remembering who I am because that's my job. And everyone in the world might not. actually know me like I thought they did. Yeah. It's like, oh, wait, y'all actually don't know me. It's like realizing, oh, this thing I thought was real is actually kind of false. Yeah.

In some ways, that's freeing, isn't it? It was extremely freeing. Yeah. Because I'm like, oh, only I know me. Only I know who I am. And I need to remember that and not allow someone to change that because I can do that too. I can allow someone to make me feel bad even though I didn't. I used to get emotionally manipulated a lot.

Actually, to this day, I kind of still, because I'm so, like, sweet and understanding and forgiving. Yeah. You get taken advantage of. Oh, my, oh my God. Yes, I need protectors around me. And so now I feel like I have all these protective people. And would I be right to guess you're not great at boundaries? No. But now I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what's so crazy? It's like when you're a famous person, the more famous you become, the more boundaries you have, the more people look at you like you're a bad person. It's like, hey, that's, fucked up. But I'm like, but I have to protect myself. Yes, you do. You know, so I was always like, no, you have access to me. Everyone has access to me. I will never be that famous person. Then no one can talk to and no one can. I'm like, no, no, I know I. There's only so much of you. Yes. And you have to save some for you. Yeah. So I learned that as well.

Did you come to that on your owner? Did you have therapy? Did you have help? I did have therapy. I've had the same therapist since like 2017. That's kind of outful because she got to see the whole, yeah, the whole enchilada. I'm like, actually, we're like trauma bonded now because you just see it all, sister. You're not going anywhere. But like, I had that. And honestly, I'm not going to hold y'all. Like, I was talking out loud to myself and to God.

But I would just be like, one day things have to be better. One day things have to be better. One day I'm going to wake up in a reality where I don't feel like shit, where I am happy. And I was saying these things. And then one day after the next, you look up and you're like, oh, I don't have to say this anymore because I'm here. Yeah. It was a lot of self-work and a lot of self-awareness you kind of have to have. It's like, hey, you know, you shouldn't do that or you shouldn't give this person access to you in that way.

Or you shouldn't put yourself in that position or you know you've been putting yourself in this fucked up position for so long. You know that this person been kind of boxing you out and manipulating you and you thought this was going on, but really this was going on. You need to watch the people around you. And this is the biggest thing that I learned from therapy is my inner child had been leading the show the whole time. My inner child who's like, I want everyone to get along. And we're all going to just naively optimistic. And now grown up me is protecting baby me. I'm like, no, stop.

You can't. No, get back here. Yeah. Yeah. The girl with the bound feet and the fucked up hair. Yeah. Yeah. The mold and the bun.

Okay. The wab. He's dragging. No, that little girl, you got to protect. No, we got to protect. Yeah. I was like, no, no, no, no. You can't trust these people.

So I am proud. I'm not done, though. I'm learning new shit. We all are. Oh my God. It's not over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so how do we end up writing Lilzzo meets Sasha B. Fluton?

Can I kind of give you the description I wrote out of that? Sure. It's so adorable. Of course I did. It's such a sweet book. It is. It's about a little girl feeling lost and alone in a new school. She's a roomful instruments, gives them all a world, but none of them land.

then Sasha B. Flute and said, what about me? The two you go on a ride, stopping in the jungle, the sea and the sky, and every time you try to make the sounds of those places, nothing comes out. But when you and Sasha look into yourselves, into your heart, a sound finally comes out. And that is the sound that brings all the kids together. It's the sound that you make that lets you know you belong. Oh, my God. Is that a good description?

Yes. With the cutest little drawings. Oh, I know. And the cutest little imaginary world. Oh, I just feel like this book. makes me emotional every time I think about it. And I like, I fucking wrote it. And I dead ass wrote it.

Like, no funny shit. I got video footage of me writing this motherfucking book of me sketching Lil Lizzo to give to Mark Pet. Like, I'm really hands in this book. But I get emotional every time I think about it because everyone's interpretation of it and every person I sit with as they read it or I read it to,

it elicits a different person. I'm the same way with my music, though. I could play a song for somebody and a different person, different person and it'll hit different every time. The way you surmised it with going to the space in the sea and the jungle and like you tried to play those sounds with those sounds were not you. Yeah. Oh my God. It's just tearing me up right now because it's true.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanted to have a where at a while things are kind of surrealism. Yeah. Where, you know, the walls dematerialize and suddenly he's like in a boat. Well, again, you already told us, like you lived in La La Land. I did. With your tree. And so this is the book is La La La Land.

Yes, exactly. And when I would walk into. the band hall, it was like nothing outside of that room mattered. Only band kids understand the intense feeling of family and importance. It was so fucking important to us, the music that we were playing, the march that we had to do. Anything outside that room, we just drowned out because we were so focused and we were so in tune with each other. And so when she walks in that room, she's like, well, what's all the fuss about? I want to know. And she finds Sasha. Sasha called to her. The flu picked me when I was in fifth grade. There was something about the

flute being difficult that I was like super, super drawn to. And I loved a challenge. I was like such an overachiever, just poindexter. So when I was chosen, she was like, you. Because it was just such a magical moment. She looked down to me and smiled and was like you. And I was like, yay. That was my Sasha being like, you're going to sleep on the flutes.

You're going to sleep on the flutes. They chose each other. I do like drawing the parallels between my actual childhood experience with the flute. Because that's the reason why I wrote the book. I wanted to tell the story in a colorful way. I've been playing a flute. When did I first pull it out at the BETT Awards and Twerk and Rihanna stood up? 2019, BETT Awards, 18, 19.

They've been asking me about flute since then. We're about to be about a decade of the reality. So why flute? How flute? And I was like, here, let me put it down for you. Yeah. Our friend Molly, when we were all at the height of our Lizzo obsession, Molly was obsessed with Sasha B. She talked about Sasha B all the time.

People have a connection to Sasha separately from you. And I think this book is going to do that even more because of her personification in the book. He's an outcast too. Yeah, yeah. I'm a outcast too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See me, you know. It's beautiful.

And Sasha's so funny and brassy and like she's got a little hands on her hip and her little rainbow buttons. She's a fun girl. Yeah. She's being played wrong the entire time. And at the end, it's like, ah, and that's when you create the sound. And it's like breathing. And I wanted to throw a little bit of mindfulness and breath work in there at the end so that you can sit with your young ends and you can be like, okay, now sit and take a deep

breath. When you get to that point and they take a deep breath, a deep breath makes anyone feel good. Sometimes when you say deep breath, it makes you want to take a deep breath. Or when you say yawn, it makes you want to yawn. Okay, the very last thing I want to talk to you about is I was one. watching the Gail King interview, and she wanted to talk to you about your use of the word bitch. Oh, yeah. Look, I love Gail King.

We all love Gail King. But she's like, you're going through, you know, we use it a lot. Okay. And then she said, you know, what about a little girl hearing that word? That was part of it, right? And I just want to say that one morning, probably four years ago, I think Lincoln was nine, our oldest daughter. She came into our bedroom. It was one of those days, right?

She just did not want to go to school. She was just feeling defeated by everything. And she said, I can't do it. I didn't feel. And she was sad and all this stuff. And I said, come with me. And we went to our mirror. I've told the story I'm here before, but we went to the mirror.

And I said, I want you to repeat after me. Okay. And she goes, okay. She's nine. I go, I'm a bad bitch. And I'm going to fuck this day up. And this little nine-year-old goes, I'm a bad bitch. and I'm going to fuck this day up.

Yes. And due to her spirit, change. Like, you can't imagine on a dime. And then I told that story on here. And then all these kind of women in our life, it became a little anthem. I'm a bad bitch and I'm going to fuck this day up. And then this was given to us.

Oh, my God. Look at the little baby face. So I just want to thank you because our family anthem that gets us through our bad days is I'm a bad bitch. I'm going to fuck this day up. And that's because of you.

Really? Yeah. Wow. Because my little girls, they got introduced to that word as a powerful word. It's something that makes you feel like you can walk out on strong. The way that I feel about that thing with profanity and children is I don't like to cuss around kids at all. I grew up in the church. I don't cuss around my mama.

To this day. And I'm a grown-ass woman. So that's how my mind is. But I also feel like we live in a world where it isn't in the world where it isn't in the church. inevitability that they're going to hear these words. Like I was hearing cuss words when I was, and I was like, what is that? What is that? First grade on the playground, you hear every horrendous word imagine.

You're going to hear it. So it's like better to disarm some of these words so that younger people cannot have the negative effect. Taking the power out of fat, taking the power out of bitch that someone can hurt you with. You know what I mean? Giving the power back to you. Exactly. The way you neutralize them is they go bitch and you're like, fuck yeah.

And they're like, oh, that didn't have. the effect I wanted. I wanted to hurt you and minimize you and reduce you. Oh, what's up fat? Yeah, my ass is fat. Yeah, exactly. Like, okay, and you want to bite it. Or else you wouldn't be talking about it. Yeah. Right. So much. So yes, I do think that inevitability and a part of my work is disarming words like that and toxic words like that because I want people to be kinder to each other, but that's not realistic. No, it's not going to happen. We have to disarm the bullies. That's right. I love that. No, it's just a judo move on it all. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Well, I've been wanting to do this for five, six years. I'm so happy you're here. You've been eluding us for so long. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We've been wanting you forever. I hear that so much. I'm like, guys, I promise I'm down the street.

Well, now you've got boundaries. Yeah. We caught you when your boundaries were down. Oh, my God, no. Like, five, six years ago, we probably would have been doing tequila shots. Right? Different conversation, five, six years. Yeah, maybe the timing was perfect for this.

Yeah. It was so funny. Are you guys? No, you drink beer. No, I haven't drank in 22 years. I just love it. Oh, I have a beer company. Oh, I have a dole.

Oh, duels. Okay, okay. I own Odules. You own O'Doole? No. No. God, you're so good at lying. What?

I'm going to hold this up. It's the cutest book ever. Please. Little Lizzo, meet Sasha B. Fluton. Out September 9th. September 9th. It's a great.

It is. It is. Get it for your little. Beautiful girl. And there's a flute song in the end. Oh, yeah, QR code. You can hit the QR code and go listen to a special flute song. Lizzo, I adore you.

Thank you for coming. This was so fun. Yeah, I had so much fun with y'all. I could talk all day. Come back. Okay, let's go out with a song. Oh, okay, here we go. That's not going to work for me.

I'm going to focus on you. All the big fights long nights that you've been through. I got a bottle of leat tequila. I've been saying for you. Boss up and change a life. You can have it on a sacrifice. Don't hear me get wrong, we can make it right. So go and let it all hang out tonight.

He don't love you anymore. Oh, you wanted that. Oh, wow. You better lock your finest out the door. Oh. Oh. Listen, if he don't love you anymore. Y'all will be sweating these damn chairs.

You make you feel my back in the picture. Okay. Great. I sure hope there weren't any mistakes in that episode, but we'll find out when my mom, Mrs. Monica, comes in and tells us what was wrong. Okay, you have a story. Yeah, I have a couple. You've held.

This happens to us in real life occasionally. Yeah. Where I see you, normally I'd hear some fun story, and then you have to reserve it. The fact, check. Yeah. I have two, actually. Oh, my God. Okay.

But I'm going to start with this one first. Okay. So happy birthday, Jess. Jess is 50 today. That's a big old number. That's a big boy. It's a big boy for a big boy. Uh-huh.

And he's finally grown into his age. Exactly. Or aged into his growth. He's aged into his size. Stature. Yeah. So we went to Palm Springs for just like 36, 38 hours. I was told by Anna, you were blessed with no traffic on the way there, which is rare on a Friday.

It was great. Maybe because it was 126 there. It was hot. Yeah. It was really hot. So it was me, Jess, Anna, Erica, and Charlie. We kept it small for many reasons. One, it was very impromptu.

But just, we wanted to go to this very specific restaurant that I think max is five people, the tables. Wait, they only have five customers at once? No, no, sorry. Like each table, you can't have like more than five people, maybe six, but I think five. They don't have big tables. Yeah, exactly. So we went. It was so fun.

Restaurant incredible. What kind of cuisine? Fusion. American Palm Springs. Everything's fusion, isn't it? I wouldn't say it's fusion. Like I had a burger, I'm going out of pork chop, steak freeze. Okay.

So, hearty food. Yeah. And then there was a really cool bar attached to it that we went to. Anyway, great. But like chill night. Like we were at the pool and then we did this dinner. Oh, and I walked to shore. shopping, which was the first time I've ever thought, no, maybe the second time.

The other time was in Georgia when you were in your family really wanted to drive you. You were going to take a walk. Oh, yeah, but I don't regret that. That was like- I thought you said you got on the walk and you were like, yeah, it's too hot for this walk. No. Okay. I don't regret that.

Oh, okay. I had some regrets in Paris when I'm out, when I was out there in the heat wave. Yeah, in the heat bubble. But then this was only, this was a three-minute drive. I was like, I'm walking. This is crazy. Yeah. So it was like a 16, 17 minute walk.

I get out there. Two minutes. And I was like, oh, wow. I'm like so hot and I'm getting nervous. Like it's, then I'm starting to panic. Yeah. So I'm taking deep breaths. But I made it there.

Your Mac and Soul cycle. Exactly. Exactly. But I made it there to the store and then two minutes later the store closed. I didn't look up the timing. So that was really upsetting. Anyway, easy, great day, fun day. Now, this hotel has two parts to it.

It has a normal part with like rooms, great rooms, a big pool. And then there's an area, this special area called the bungalows. Okay. In their extra. And it's like kind of its own private area. So if you don't have a key card to that, can't get in there. And it has its own waiting pool.

This is what you posted a photo of. I have an image of a long rectangular pool and then seemingly bungalows on the side. Yes. There's bungalows on the sides. And then in the pool on one side, there's like six or so chairs that are in the pool. So you can like lounge and be wet. It's so nice. I mean, the pool's like 18 inches.

Okay. So there's no. There's no diving. No. There's no diving. There's no swimming. You just, like, lay in it. No, hold your breath contest.

Yeah, and it is kind of funny when people are walking because they just like splash. There's walking through. It must have been so warm as well. I mean, they would maybe even have to cool it at that depth in that heat. The first day, people thought it could be a little bit cooler. Okay. Not me because, you know, I like the heat. Yeah.

The second day, we thought it was nice. Okay, great. Anyway, so we get back after dinner. and we decide to get in the pool. The pool closes a 10. Okay, interesting. For Palm Springs, I feel like it would be open later, but continue. Well, you saw that.

So, pool closes a 10. It's 8.40 when we get home. And we all get in our bathing suits. We're all drinking water. Like, no one, we are not rowdy, I guess is the whole purpose of me saying this. We all get in the pool. We're hanging. we're chatting, we're drinking water.

And somebody opens the door to the bungalow behind us. Opens it, like, what's this? Abruptly. Abruptly, thank you. And he said, it was a guy. He was probably, I would say, 60 or younger, but had, you know. Some hard miles. Thank you.

Okay. And he said, Are you okay? What happened? Oh, that scared me. I thought he was being attacked back there. I thought he had a seizure, yeah. Pick your pick.

Okay, so he opens the door and he said, I can hear you. And we laughed. Like, we thought he was joking, being funny. To remind people who don't know, so we have Charlie, Perfect on Charlie. Yes.

Charlie Jess meet Erica, Anna. Charlie is huge and muscular and... Jess is huge as well. Jess is intimidating when he stands up, right? But we're all in the pool. So he comes out and he's like... He's like, you're waking... You're waking everybody up.

We're asleep. We're asleep. And then what's so interesting is the way everyone starts behaving differently, right? Uh-huh. So Erica. I can feel how I would. I know the feeling that would be in my body. Yes.

Yeah. Which is similar to Charlie. Sure. Okay. But Eric was like, don't worry. We'll move. And I know. And I was like, no.

Yeah. And Charlie was like, hey, you need to chill, man. Okay. Yeah, sure. Uh-huh. And he said, I need to chill? Uh-huh. And Charlie was like, yeah, man, you need to chill.

And he like turns around and this guy's like, I would never do this to you. To him, to Charlie specifically? To all like, wake them up or something. He was like, we're asleep. I said, I said, it's nine. Yeah. And Charlie was like. You're in Palm Springs.

It's Friday night. Charlie was like, the pool closes at 10. Yeah. It's nine o'clock. And he's screaming at us and getting closer. Oh. He's starting to walk towards. What is his physical stature?

You're not great at this. I'm not good at this. He's not tiny. Okay. But, okay. So then Charlie gets up out of the scene. This is kind of complicated because, you know, it's like 18 inches that he's just standing in this book. And like, you know, watered his ankles, basically.

And he's like, you need to go back inside. You know, Charlie's like, you need to go back inside. And he's like, oh, oh, look, with you and your tattoos, you think. think you're tough man. Uh-huh. I was like, oh my God, what is about to happen? This is a guy who hasn't been punched out too long. Been too long.

He's been acting like this to people and getting away with it. And we heard a woman inside say. She's so sick of being married to this guy. Yeah. Glenn? Steve. Okay. Steve.

Steve, come to bed. She said, you could hear inside. And then Charlie was like, Steve, go to bed. And then he was just carrying on, carrying on finally he went inside. Okay. But it was a real showdown. Showdown. And I did not expect to feel what I felt.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. It was really interesting. So what were you feeling? I was like, I condone this. Yeah. Yeah.

I condone Charlie. But Charlie didn't. He did not escalate. He did not cross the line. And he said after, he was like, I just told myself, do not get out of this pool. Yeah, all right, because then there weren't an hour in another situation. And a police are maybe coming. Yeah, so I didn't want any of that to happen.

But I was glad that he was saying stuff and standing up to him. And I also, I was like, it's nine. I was like, sir, we are allowed to. He didn't hear me at all. Sure. He couldn't hear women. Yeah. But I was not afraid.

of the confrontation. And then I was like, whoa, this feels not natural for me. Meanwhile, what's happening to me? Meanwhile, Erica Jess and Anna have like moved it in their area. And Erica keeps telling us, she's like, come on, guys. Come over. Like, come. Charlie, come.

Like, you know, she's obviously worrying about Charlie. Yeah. Yeah. The wives are like, come on, everybody. Let's just drop this. But no. No to dropping it. Like this guy, like I did feel like moving felt like he won.

Uh-huh. And it was nine o'clock in Palm Springs. And, oh, I think I said something like, we've all paid to be here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, we're all, what? What makes you think you can come? Like, if you, I understand if it's loud. First of all, you can come out and say, hey, guys, I'm so sorry.

I mean, whatever, there's a million ways to do this properly. We go to bed so early. Exactly. We like to go to bed at seven. Uh-huh. Yeah. But you could do that or you need to really take it up with the hotel. You also don't get a room next to the pool.

Well, all the bungalows are right there. So that's not for you. Exactly. So this isn't a hotel for you. You need a ceded tucked into the corner and you visit the pool when you want to. Yeah, like this isn't the hotel for you. This is the way it's set up. Your beeps with the architect, my friend.

Exactly. Yeah, yeah. So then, yeah. So we were all like a little like amped and kind of frazzled. But it was, it is funny. Everyone behaves so differently in these situations. And I'm sure so much of it is childhood. So much of it is just personality, I guess.

Like I was kind of surprised. Like I was surprised Erica wasn't more confrontational. Uh-huh. Because she's very strong and like speaks her mind and stuff like that in general. But she's also in public relations. So she's really, really good. at de-escalating, you know, tensions that are rising. She has these big events, you know.

So she's got to be a master judo expert at redirecting these hostility. You know. Yeah. I think she's really well practiced. She's like dealing with the public a ton and clients. Yeah. Yeah. And Anna was sort of somewhere in the middle because she was like, what?

Like she was saying like kind of some stuff. But then not enough for. her to like really hold her grounds. And then Jess, you know, kind of gets up and then staggers away. Yeah, trips five times. Literally. He wants nothing to do with confrontation, really. That's interesting because he often does.

I don't think he does. In my experience with him, and one time we got in a fight about this. Yeah, yeah. That's like someone called someone gay or sent something about Anna. And then it wasn't Anna. It was somebody else. But yes, some thing happened and she was really upset. And then Jess, like, went into.

inside to go deal with it and then he came back and had done nothing and then I was really annoyed. So, so we're all just so different in these circumstances. And you know, normally I think I'm like, no, walk away. We just don't. Who cares? Who cares? Just we need to walk away. That person has nothing to do with us. But I didn't feel that way. Interesting. How do we describe it? And I was like, I'm not moving. This is your auntie voice. coming out. Now you're an auntie. No, I don't think that's it. I don't like that.

I, now I'm starting to wonder why I ever thought. I don't know because I am fine in confrontation. We do know this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't know why I ever thought that I. Well, I'm imagining you think you are anti-physical, physical confrontation. Yes, which I am. I am too.

Yeah. Until someone forcing. this physical confrontation. And then I go, okay, this is how you want to have this confrontation. I can do either. I'll argue with you or if you want to get down, I'm your Huckleberry. Like, let's do that. I know.

That'll be conclusive. That's why I like it. I still don't like it. I don't like it. I'm really proud of Charlie for staying in the pool. I'm glad he did. Yeah. But when this man is coming towards us with this anger.

and like screaming and he's so aggressive. I was like, wow. Like I do feel like maybe he deserves to get hit, which is I've never felt that. So it's really wild. Well, it's a good thing we're transitioning you and I. Like now you're into, and I'm kind of like I'm retiring from all of it.

So it's good that we weren't ever out on the scene. Oh, God. With both of us that way. Because again, I have this chip on my shoulder about guys who have power in their job. and they're used to like fucking screaming at people and doing things that would otherwise get them into a fist fight. Like you can't just do that unless you have some bullshit arbitrary power you're used to. And you literally can't click out of, you're not in your office, bro.

And I don't work for you. And you can't talk to people like this. Yeah, I guess because I think I live with so much that you can't talk to people like that. You can't treat people like that. Like I live with a lot of those feelings. Yeah, yeah. So I guess I was just like, yeah, this is weird. The heat head, yeah.

I mean, also he was just so clearly, obviously, had been drinking like all day long, obviously. Who goes to bed? I mean, it was insane. As you said, 10 p.m. is too early. Yes, yes, yes. For Palm Springs on a Friday night. Yeah.

Yeah. So that was wild. And then it led to a different conversation. Mm. Where I, so then Charlie went to the front and he just said, hey, just so you know, this happened. This is how this unraveled. Exactly. And I, and this is also, I guess, a way that I act.

I was like, someone's getting an email. Someone's getting an email tomorrow. The hotel's getting a stern email. And I said that to everyone. I was like, I'm telling the hotel, like, that this was completely on. acceptable. And then we were kind of split, okay? Because some people were like, well, it's not their fault. And I was like, it's not their fault. It is absolutely not their fault. But this happened at their hotel. It ruined a section of the night. And it could and maybe did have an

impact on whether anyone's, we are ever coming back here. Okay. So I think. think it is up to the hotel to say like, I'm so sorry that happened here. You all get to come back for a full week for free. No, not like that. But still, I do think it's a responsibility of the establishment to do what they can to make you want to come back. Because I did think like, oh, well, if this and also if it is too loud for people, like, that's a problem.

Yeah, yeah. And I don't want to have dealt with that person. I hated that. You know, I kind of liked it, but I hated it. Yeah, a little bit he liked it. And, yeah, so then we were all in a debate about that. Me and Charlie, of course. Of course.

Yeah, he's the great email writer. Yeah, he loves, exactly. But to be clear, we both believe, we're not like, oh, this is the hotel's fault, but. So I'm on the side of confront that guy. And then not on the side of like, it's too bad. you guys had to deal with that guy. And now these people working there are going to deal with this guy downriver. Yeah, but here's the thing that's also true.

Like, they might need to put a flag on that or say to him like, hey, if you come back to this hotel, that can't happen again. No dust up at the pool. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. They need to know. Go ahead and call us if you think someone's being too loud and we'll look and do it. Exactly. Yeah.

So did you write an email? I did not. Because then I got in my head about it a little bit. I'm still debating. Okay. Because I just, because I was thinking like, okay, if this happened at a restaurant. Okay, because Jess was like, no, like they don't, whatever. And I was like, Jess, if this happened at a restaurant and some patron screamed at another patron and like stormed over and stuff.

Of course, it's not the restaurant's fault. But the restaurant is going to do something. The restaurant is probably going to send him a dessert. something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like... Pay for their coffees. Tell the guy, like, you can't do that here.

You're not welcome here anymore. Yeah. Well, maybe when Charlie gave them the whole lay of land... I know, but no one was really there. He didn't say it to anyone? He said it to a bellhop. Kind of. Like, there was no one there.

Oh, they were... So that's why I felt the email was really necessary. Okay. Because I wanted to speak to a manager, the hotel owner. Sure, sure, sure. Because I agree with you there, right? I'm like, what's this front desk person going to do? She can't do anything.

Yeah, so this is more of a higher up situation that I wanted. I'm going to. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Let me know how that goes. Okay.

It just was wild this guy. Yeah. And then I felt really bad for the wife. Yeah. I mean, that's, she's linked to this guy. You think that's not a standalone. That's not someone's first time acting like that. Steve, come back to bed.

Steve, we can't do this again. That's what I mean. See, I'm not going to bail you out again. Although, let's just devil's advocate. Yeah. Maybe she was in there going, Steve, go fucking tell him to stop. Like she could have been goading him. Then he snapped because his wife's yelling at him.

She could have. Yeah. That's a scenario that happens sometimes. That happens. that could definitely happen. I have a friend whose wife's always getting into fights and he's just like, he can hear it from the car and he's like, oh, God, she's yelling at the construction workers. How long before they call her a bitch and then I got to get out of the car? So, yeah.

No, she could, it definitely could have been, I just felt like, oof, this is a tough, tough situation. And then the next day, we were at the other pool at the bar. And this is like at two or one or something. and he comes up. And so we're all just kind of like standing there. And he doesn't say anything to us and orders his drinks. And then goes, so we think he doesn't remember. Okay.

Yeah. So he might have been heavily intoxicated. Okay. One of the many reasons he would have lost that tussle with Charlie. Oh, yeah. You think you're a big man? When he started saying that, I was like, I was like, who do you think you are? Like, who?

I mean, it's crazy because I was like, yeah, you're asking for him to hit you. When you go up into his face. You're taunting a bear. Yeah. Oh, with your tattoos. Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

It was wild. Wow. How exciting. It was exciting. Yeah, very exciting. But the hell was her money back. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Oh, so that was one of two stories? Yes. Okay. This is a different male story. Okay. I was on the West. side on Thursday.

And once you get to the west side, depending on your timing, you have to stay there. Yeah, you're there for the day. You're there for the day and to the night. Yeah, until traffic dies down at 8 p.m. Exactly. So I was there and then I was like, okay, where do I go kill time? So I went to a place called Baltair. It's a restaurant.

It's in Brentwood. And I've been there before and I was like, they have like a loungey area. So I was like, I'll do work there. I had my computer. So I went and they were like, have a seat wherever that doesn't say reserved. So I went. There was one table in the back that didn't say reserved. So I sat there.

And there was like obviously some sort of like gathering happening. It kind of looked like maybe it was like a work, post work thing. Anyway, I'm sitting there. And then this guy comes up to me, this man. And he was like, I haven't met you yet. How old? I would say he. Okay.

I pretty much think everyone's 60. Yeah, it sounds like, people are your age or there's 60? No, people are 25 or they're 60. And he came up to me and he said, I haven't met you yet. And I was like, oh, I'm not part of your party. And it's like, oh.

And I said, but they told me to sit where, wherever I wanted if it didn't say reserve and it doesn't say reserved. And he was like, oh, it's all reserved. And I was like, oh, uh, and he was like, but you're, you're fine, you're fine. You're not bothering anyone. Like, you stay. And I was like, well.

Had it filled up at this point with all the reserve tables? No, there was like a couple more, but like people were coming. And I was at a very, I was like at a big table, but that because I was the only one. You were at a six top or something? There was the only one that didn't say reserved. Yeah. And I was like, well, no, I don't want to be, I don't want to like intrude. And he was like, no, no, no, you're fine.

And then like the bartender server lady comes up and she's like, this server was like, okay, yeah, it doesn't say it. And so I sat here, but where should I go? Yeah. And she was like, do you want to sit at the bar, like the actual bar? And I was like, well, am I allowed to with my computer? He said yes. I was like, okay, great. I go, I sit at the bar.

Now, I am the first in like the front seat. Uh-huh. Where people would put in cocktail orders to your right, like the servers. Exactly, except, okay, but it's on the left and there was one seat there. But yeah, it's like on the corner. I'm not sitting there, you know. So I'm workies and it's great. I'm getting my edits done.

I always wonder. I'm like, people can see. Uh-huh. So they're just seeing me and you and Lizzo. Lizzo. Just like off my computer. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so I'm sitting there.

I'm doing work. and then I look over and the bartender like comes and he puts down this place mat, this leather placemat at the seat next to me. No one else has us, by the way. And he puts like a knife and a fork. And I thought, huh, who is about to come sit here? Yeah, the president maybe. Exactly.

Yeah. So I'm kind of keeping an eye out and then a man comes and sits there. I don't recognize him. but I'm noticing that everyone, like the staff-wise, is coming up to him. And they're all like really engaging with him, hugging him. 60. Okay. Great.

It feels stupid asking. And I'm like, who is the sky? You love this. This has happened in New York. This happens to me all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Someone's a very VIP enters this scenario. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, okay. You're intrigued. Yep, I'm intrigued. People are, and then I think, but I have headphones in so I can't hear that well, but I hear something about sports. So it's like, maybe this guy like owns the sports team or something.

And he was wearing a suit. Oh, okay. So then I'm intrigued. And then I take out my headphones to get a drink, right? So I'm just like, I take them out and I'm waiting for a second. And he says. Seizes. He says it was like 540 or something.

And he was like, you have to stop working at 545. And I was like, oh, well, I don't think that's going to happen. And he was like, well, they're going to kick you out. But he was being very playful. I was not like nervous or anything. But I was like, oh, I guess I'll be on the street with my computer and my martini then. And then he laughed and laughed. Sure.

Best joke he ever heard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was wearing a... Amy Schumer joke. I remember it. Yeah. Oh, my God, you're not going to believe what she said.

Kate Upton. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Upton. I was wearing a bandana that day. I've never worn one before. So I think I was feeling like a new personality. Yeah, persona going. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And she was cool, this girl. Me. So then, you know, we talk for another second or whatever. Get my drink. I, like, kind of put my headphones back in. And then all, and then this other person comes up to me. Shout out.

Extremely attractive man comes up to me. And I take my heavens and he said, are you Monica? He said, yes. He said, I'm a huge arm chair. Oh, my God. And he was extremely attractive. Yes. He had to me James Marston energy.

Whoa. That's huge energy. Uh-huh. And I was like, then my band-andah was doing nothing for me. I was nervous. You were back to being an ugly duckling. And I was like, oh, that's so nice. He was like, you just had a birthday.

Happy birthday. And I was like, thanks. I'm editing. I always tell people that. I'm editing right now. Yeah, sure. Behind the curtain. Yeah.

And then he said, he said, can I take a picture for my wife? Bummer. Yeah. Okay. And I was like, sure, of course. And then he looks at this guy and he says, can you take a picture for us? And he hands the phone to him. Yeah, how exciting.

Now the old timer is like, shit, this bitch is famous. So he says, yeah, he takes a picture. I say, bye to the armchair. He walks away and this guy says, okay, well, I need to know who you are. Uh-huh. You just said I own the Cardinals. Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare. I said, oh, I have a podcast.

And he was like, oh. Well, what is it? And I said, it's called armchair expert. I host it with Dax Shepard. And he was like, oh, he's like, you do look familiar. I was like, well, I know. I thought you were going to say. He said, you do look like Dax.

I thought it was you, Dax. No, he said, you do look kind of familiar. I was like, well, I mean, if you don't listen to the show, it's probably not. He was like, well, I mean, I know, of course I know Dax. And I was like, yeah. And he was like, well, then I think I put my headphones back in or something. Uh-huh. There's so much action happening.

A lot is going on. Yeah. This is like sitcom pacing. Yeah. Like cheers. Now this person enters, that person exits. Yes. They open the door to this conversation.

Yeah. Exactly. And so then I think I take my headphones out again or something. And he seizes again. He's quick. He knows, you know? Yeah. And he's like.

It's like sitting next to someone on an airplane. Yeah. He said, I just doom scrolled you. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Yeah. And I said, Doom Scroll. I was like, well, that's, I think, a bad thing.

And he was like, my daughter, he has a 24-year-old daughter. My daughter calls it that. And he was like, you're famous. And I said, I think you're famous based on what I can see has been going on here for the past hour. Yeah. And I said, who are you? Yeah, nice. What the script.

My bandana was doing a lot of the heavy lifting. Yeah, you were back to bandana mode. Uh-huh. And then things start going wild, right? Like he's like, oh, no, I'm just a regular here. And I was like, it doesn't feel like that you have your own place, Matt. I know how this works. And then he said he works for some people.

Okay. And then the bartender, this really nice bartender, Carlos, I learned about Carlos. He comes up and he was like. Not 60. No. Carlos is not 60. She was in 60. And Carlos is joking with this man.

And he's like, how'd you get her to talk to you? I've been trying to talk to her. Well, Carlos is saying that now. You are the head of this bar. You should go here all the time. I would never leave this. Well, listen. So, Baltair is a very specific place.

It is a specific vibe. People are there to meet people. Oh, great. Right. Now, to me, it's a type. So West Side. And so I think that's also like The cultures in L.A. are very different.

The West Side's very different from the East Side. So I think I felt kind of like in a fun way fish out of water. Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. Because I'm in a bandana. Yeah, yeah. A like Terry cloth Susie Condi. Great shirt.

Green shirt. You know, people are in pants, like loose pants. People are there in basically their underwear, you know. Like, people are there looking sexy. It's very specific. And I guess this is Thursday night. And Thursday night is live music night. And so it was like so packed.

Yeah. Okay. Wow. And I think it gave me confidence because I was like, oh, my God. Like, what is? This is such a scene. Yes, yes. And I think this person was intrigued by me because I was not doing this, you know, playing this game.

This is me at the four seasons. with the tattoos, like. Right. But you were enjoying it. I was enjoying it. And I wasn't on the prow. Like, if I was on the prow, then I would be like, oh, I like look crazy. Uh-huh.

But I'm saying you got to experience thing I'm always trying to say. It's like, oh, yeah, I kind of dig that everyone. Yeah. I'm not participating, which removes me from the stakes of it all. That's, yes, definitely. It removed me, it removed the stakes, but also, yeah, I just felt really confident in my bandana. Yeah, great. So then we start talking.

I talk to this person for, I leave at nine. And we talk the whole time and then we have some other friends next to us that we make. Yeah, great. And there's like an hour and a half of talking or more. Like three and a half hours. Wow. This is a meat cute. And then like I eat some of his steak and I order a potato.

Yeah, wow. This is so fun. It was. You were being hended and hot over. I was, because then I ordered a Barolo. Shout out, if anyone wants to send me Barolo, it is my favorite wine. Oh, that's a wine. It's a type of wine.

And it is very rarely on the menu by the glass. They want you to get the bottle. Yeah. So, but they had it by the glass. And so I ordered a Barolo, and he said to Carlos, he said, oh, the perfect woman. Oh, yeah. This is very. Because he's Italian.

The man was, not Carlos. Exactly. Because Carlos would go either way. I was thinking Latino. Oh, he actually could be Spanish. Yeah, Carlos signs. Exactly. Anyway, he, so that was fun.

And we talked about everything. We talked about dating. He's, he's looking, yeah, he's divorced, but he has a great relationship with his ex-wife. And unfortunately, his house burned out in the palisades, which is very sad. But now I live in Beverly Hills. And we talked and I asked him what happened in his marriage.

Oh, yeah. And I asked what he's looking for on a partner, all these things. I told him about the Dairy Queen story. Oh, uh-huh. Okay. Yeah. So we just changed. And how overt was he being?

Was he going like, well, that's crazy because you are so beautiful. Was he going hard? He didn't say you're so beautiful. But he was giving me compliments. Yeah, yeah. And we discussed Tris. He knows everything about me. Wow, exciting.

I was just enjoying him so much. Sure. And I was like, oh, my God, this is my new friend. Like, he's a fun friend. Yes. And I got his name. We exchanged numbers. Yeah, yeah.

And he paid for all my drinks. Sure, of course. He lives in Beverly Hills. Well, it was actually really cute because I obviously wanted to pay. And I went to pay. And then Carlos, you know, gave me my check. But it was just a smile. face.

Oh, nice. He gave Carlos the wink. He probably got it all like sorted. Oh, he has it all dialed. And at one point they gave me a placemat. Oh my goodness. I know. Because I said, I said, oh my God.

I mean, he gets this on the place. You think you'll ever hang out with him again? I don't know. There's the elephant in the room is I'm sure he'd love to make love to you. So how do you? I'm not. I don't want, I would like to keep it as a friendship. But I also like kind of like that it was like a,

it was a what's that called in the pan flash in the pan like it was like a really fun just night one off yeah yeah yeah and i like really just have a fondness for him and for that evening and i don't really this is how these older men woo you it's like they just they're just a good time and then all of a sudden you're like i mean he's definitely listening to this oh well so shout out you know who you are um i did overhear him saying he's buying a house in puglia where the hell's puigli oh she's I know. You're going to be on a wooden crisscraft boat on Lake Como. I did think.

I thought, this is how it happens. Yes. This is exactly how it happens. And also he's great. Like he had a great personality. It was very enjoyable to talk to funny, understood funny, which was great. And so like I said I would keep my eyes peeled for someone for him.

Uh-huh. More in his age, right? I just, I don't know all these, but I, I, I don't know. I just. Did you ask him what age he dates? I did. Yeah. What do you say?

He said he doesn't have like, he doesn't have any restrictions on that. 20's fine. Basically, I feel like 20, 30, 40. He was just like, it doesn't matter as long. And then he gave me some requirements, which were good requirements. He liked that people had their own thing. Yes, of course. Which is what I also like.

Me too. Yeah. Exactly. So anyway, I don't want a passenger. Exactly. He didn't want a passenger. He wanted some, but he also did because he was like, he's ready. He, you know, he's like lived a big life already.

And he's ready to like travel and do a bunch of things. So he kind of, he wants, he needs someone. So this is putting this out there for people who are interested and I can set you up. Okay. He is. 20 to 60 if you're listening. interested in someone with purpose and has their own thing going on. But he also wants to travel and stuff and want a partner.

He isn't a little bit of a pickle here. Yeah, yeah. But there's going to be someone for him. Well, he sounds very charming. He was. He was fantastic. He got through to you. Exactly.

Yeah, yeah. Extremely hard to do. Yes. I'm blown away by both parties. It was really fun. Okay, those are both wonderful stories. And I have a tiny one that's just not wonderful. It's just me.

telling on myself only because it just came up in an armchair anonymous. Oh, what? And I wanted to tell you, just because it was one of the more awkward things I've ever done. Oh, no. So this was back in Tennessee over the summer. Delta had a friend flying in. Uh-huh. And that's a whole process. If an unaccompanied minor is flying. Oh, right. Yeah. So you got to go to the airport. You know, you got to, you declare yourself. They need all this information on you. Great. And you got to get there really early to get a not a boarding pass, but a pass that can get you through security to get you to the gate, right? Yes. So I left the house and I was like, okay, I got to go pick up my high Flector 2000.

That's my zapping instrument. And because it required signature, I had it delivered to Walgreens because I was afraid we wouldn't be home. Oh, smart. Do you want to do this? I don't. I hate signature. Just to everyone in the world, no more signatures. I agree.

Did Delta go with you? No. Oh, it's just you. Okay. It was just me because it was hours, right? I was going to have to be there early than whatever. And she wouldn't have been able to come through the gate. Oh, she can't.

Right. So when I leave her in the lobby of the airport? So anyways, I leave my house and I'm on the edge of me being comfortable. I'm like, I got to get to the airport and check in. I want to make sure this little girl isn't getting off of a flight for a first time flying by herself and I'm not standing there. Yeah. So I'm a little stressed about that. I probably shouldn't have tried to pick up the thing.

I'll just turn left. It's just a mile. and then I'll be back on track. So I go into the Walgreens and I say like, hey, I'm picking up a package. And he's like, okay, the name. And I say, Dax Shepherd and here's the address. And so she can't really find the box, but I can see the box. We're already in that situation.

Okay. I can't she see that? I think it might be that one, right? So she gets the box and then she comes up and I show her my license and it says, my name on the box. And she goes, okay, the tracking number. Oh, wow. And I go, oh, I don't know the tracking number.

And she's like, well, I can't give you this unless you have the tracking number. And I go, even though it says my name on there and I'm showing you my life. No. I go, okay, let me go out to the car to get my phone to see if I can find this tracking number. So I go out to the car. I get my phone. And, you know, you would think it'd be easy to find it. It's not easy to find it.

It's not easy to find. I get so many emails from FedEx and UPS. I don't even know which carrier it's been sent by at this point. I'm going through forever. And now I'm starting to get like, oh, fuck, man. What if I can't find this? You know, I'm getting a little stress. Finally, I find it.

Great. Oh my gosh, I find it. And as I'm turning to show her the phone, she doesn't even look. She goes, okay. And then she grabs this tablet, right? And I'm already like, you didn't even look at the tracking number. I'm just like, how did we have to do that? Like, what is this protocol?

It doesn't make a ton of sense to me. And then she gets out this iPhone-y type thing. to sign. I go, okay, no problem. I sign. And I go, I'm about to grab the package. She goes, we got an initial some places. And then so it's like she finds one of the places to do an initial. I do one of the initials. I go to grab the box. And then she goes, hold on. We got more. And now she's scrolling through the thing. And I, I just kind of snapped. I go, And this is, I go, I go, I love you, but I'm taking this box. I got to go.

And I just grab my high reflector. Oh. And I walk out. And I get in the car and I go, I just said to her, I love you. But I have to take this box and I have to go. Okay. And I'm like, why? Why did I say that?

Why did I say I love you? And then I was like, oh, it's because almost every time I have to, we get to that point with the kids and I gotta go, I love you, but we're not going to that restaurant at 9 o'clock at night. It's always I love you and here's terrible news, right? And I'm so muscle memory. Just imagine you're her and I go, I love you, but I'm taking this package. Yeah, it's pretty wild. It's so weird.

Although I do, I think a lot of people are used to hearing that. I love you. I love you, but. Oh, okay. So maybe to her, she didn't even. You cannot do that. Like, I say that. I got to get to the airport and pick up his little girl, you know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I love you. I love you, but I love you, but I have to give a little girl from the airport. I'm shipped in a little girl from another state. Wow. Yeah. Now, I have a question. So you pick up Delta's friend.

Yes. And how is the car ride with you and this little girl just you too? Well, I know her so well now. She's around nonstop. Uh-huh. Yeah, so I know her really well. She's at our house nonstop. And I drive her home.

Well, Delta obviously always comes when I drive her home. Right. That's what I'm saying. I actually think like I'm putting myself in the position. Yes, I was for her. That did cross my mind. Like, oh, my God, she got a ride with somebody's dad for 20 minutes. That would scare me. Not her.

Not her. When she was getting, I'm starting to get panic because I'm watching everyone come off this flight. And you know, often there's like, there's these huge gaps. Oh, I know. Because someone can't get their bag out or whatever. So I keep thinking, oh, my God, she's not on this flight. Now what am I going to do?

Like, I had five mini panics. Yeah. And there was a huge gap. And I'm certain I'm watching. the last first and get out the plane, then this long, long gap. And then I see her coming at me down the gangway with a flight attendant. And she like looks at me and throws up like double piece signs. And I'm like, oh, she's a gangster. She didn't care at all about flying on her own. We've also taken this, I think I told you, I took her to Disneyland with Delta on her birthday. And she's the one that wanted to

ride the rides with Ryan and I over and over again, like the ones that were too scary. She's going to get a fuck. Okay. Well, I love that. Yes. So she was fine. But that's good for her because I would be so scared to ride with someone's dad. Sure. Yeah. And like, what are we going to talk? Like, do I have to talk to him? I already had prepared.

Like, I know where she had been that summer. I know who she's with. I know her family members. So I have many of questions to keep the ball rolling. Wow. The whole ride home. And it was a lovely ride home. And yeah, it wasn't awkward at all.

Good. That reminds me when I was little littler in. middle school, I would go to my best friend Gina's house a lot. And her dad and mom were around a lot, but her dad picked us up a lot. And he was still a very cool person, cool dad. And but like, yeah, I would be really quiet around her dad. And then he said once to Gina, he said, what's going on with Monica? Like, she's so quiet. But then when she's in the room with you, like we can hear her. Like she's like so exuberant.

Yeah. And I was so embarrassed. Oh, about that observation. Yes. Okay. And I didn't like that, you know, because I was like, well, now I don't know what to do. Like, I guess I need to be. Turn it down or turn it up.

Yeah, I didn't know. I think turn it up on the dad's side. I mean, over time, I ended up knowing him my whole life. So like over time, he did get the full me. Yeah, yeah. But I was just taught to be like, don't talk to people, adults, you know. It'd be my preference. I'm never with a kid by myself.

Yeah. I just, I would prefer to not be, you know? Yeah, sure. I don't like, you know, there are times when I'm taking her home and maybe Delta's been told it's time to get ready for bed. And I always go, no, no, you're coming with me. I'm not like, I don't want to be alone.

Yeah, I just, you know. I agree. It's just preferable to me that one of my kids always present if I'm with some. Exactly. And I would imagine the parents would. prefer that too, as I would prefer that mom joins or the friend joins. Yeah.

So interesting. It really is. Okay, we do a fax. Okay, great. This is for Lizzo. Okay, some facts for Lizzo. Yes. Does Kmart still exist? And then you said, in Mexico maybe. Yeah. Three locations do remain worldwide. Okay. Miami. Oh, wow. But it's a small format store operating in a former garden center.

So it's not the old kind. Okay. Charlotte Amalie, U.S. Virgin Islands. Wonderful. That might even be worth me planning a vacation around that. It says a larger department store. Uh-huh. And then Guam.

Guam. Also a larger department store. Great. But it says... Poor Kmart family. Yeah. I hate when things go under. Go under, yeah.

Yeah, it sucks. I told you, I said the Kmart Mansion. was for sale. I mean, it's maybe even how that even came up. No, it didn't. Yeah, there's a mansion for sale in Michigan. Oh my God. I think maybe even Jack White owned it or some Detroit famous person owned it and bought it for like, I don't want to say $10 or $12 million at one point. And then now it's for sale for like 3, 7 or something. But it's this huge castle on like all this property. Why is it just declining in value? I think the same way these castles in England, they cost so much to keep up. They're just like, you know, everything's 120 years old inside and it's all separated

by concrete and stone, you know, it's not easy to access. I just think it's a beat down to keep these things operational. Okay. Is Devil's Night only in Michigan? Yes, using the specific name Devil's Night for the night before Halloween, October 30th, is primarily a Michigan tradition, especially centered around Detroit, but says there are, While other places do not call it Devil's Night, many regions across the U.S. and the U.K. have a similar night of pranks and minor vandalism. They use different local names. Mischief Night.

Okay, not as fun. That's common in New Jersey, parts of New York, Pennsylvania, and parts of England. Goosey Night. That's used in parts of New Jersey. Sounds like New Jersey. Well, we know New Jersey is, yeah. Cabbage Knight, common in upstate New York and parts of New England. Gate Night used in place.

It says like Bay City, Michigan. Oh, okay, Bay City. And then Beggars Night observed in areas like Des Moines, Iowa. I've got to say we have the coolest name for it. Devil's Night? Well, it's like cut to the chase. Yeah, yeah. Goosey night is silly goose.

Or you pinch people's butts. Why? That's what you call gooseing someone. You do? Yeah, like it feels like a goose bit your butt. You never grew up hearing that? My mom always says it. Oh, she did.

Yeah. Then he goose me. Oh. Yeah. Or you can say goose the therobos too. I think pinching butts is out of favor. Like, it's very cute. I think it was an 80s thing.

It was huge in my junior high in elementary. So 80s and 90s. Yeah. Like, no one was doing that in my youth. And I just loved if I was at my locker and I felt someone pinched my butt. And I turned out. I was one of the rascally girls. And I loved it.

It was so fun. I know. I just don't think it's in anymore. I don't think you're allowed to touch you grab anyone anymore. Well, if they're your boyfriend or girlfriend. Sure, sure. But even that, I'm saying I don't think is like a thing. Delta does a lot of butt pinching with her friends.

Well, she got that from you. But she didn't. I think she did. Okay, I was looking up some urban legends because we talk about urban legends. Now, what do you want to hear? Do you want to hear 50 of the spookiest urban legends? legends from every state, we go pick some states. Just a list of urban legends.

That sounds dumb. But then the others are like from a long time. I want to do this one. Okay. It's from Reader's Digest. Ooh, Blast from the Pass. Kmart. Readers Digest.

Exactly. Urban Legends. Okay. Do you want to pick a state? Yeah, I do. I want to pick Florida. Okay. I mean, we should probably save that to last, but.

Okay, ready? Yeah. Florida is Captain Tonys. Since 1852, Captain Tony's, the oldest saloon in Key West, has been known to be haunted. Doors slam for no apparent reason, and there are inexplicable banging noises and frequent ghostly visitations. But why? Well, the building itself has a long and storied history, one that includes being built around a tree that the town once used for hangings, and for being the side of the town's original morgue. Many died around that tree, including a young woman who allegedly murdered her husband and two sons.

She was hanged in a blue dress covered in blood and she hasn't left the scene appearing to patrons as the lady in blue. Oh, wow. So that's more of a ghost story than urban legend. Yeah, I think these are those. Ghost stories? It says urban legends.

Do Georgia. Okay, yeah, because let's see if we know. Yeah, I'm waiting for a hot dog or a Pepsi bottle or a vacuum cleaner. Uh-oh, I don't know this. Georgia, the song of the cell. Okay. As urban legend goes, in 1848,

Ehrlich and his wife Betsy, Was this going to be in Savannah? Probably, yeah. Both enslaved people. Okay, bad start. Yeah. God, Georgia. Yeah.

We're in their home one night when they're... This is a bad. This is bad. Their master? Yes. We're in their home one night when their master, drunk and belligerent, crashed through the door.

He attempted to attack Betsy, but Alec fought him off. Undeterred the master. I hate saying that. Uh-huh. The master chased Alec up a ladder into a loft. As a struggle continued, the master losses.

Bounce fell out of the loft and died. I don't, I can't say I miss him. Even though Ehrlich turned himself into the sheriff the next morning, explaining that what had happened was self-defense, he was still charged with murder.

Oh boy. A common occurrence in the Antebellum south. Ehrlich was imprisoned in the old Lawrenceville jail. Lawrenceville is near me. And later, and later executed unjustly for the crime. People say they can still hear his sorrowful song

through the walls of the old. jail. This is horrible. These are like ghost stories. All right. Let's look at Michigan. I hated that. And I'm disappointed. Yeah, the word master, you know, it was, it has so many different meanings and applications

and then this one gross one. And it's got the power to take down the word entirely. Like they've dumped it from master bedroom. I know. You got master cylinder. You got, you know, but what if you're a master Master class.

Do you hear mine? Masterbator? Yes. That was a funny joke. Okay, ready? Michigan. Yeah. But what about people like that are masters at things?

Don't you feel bad for them a little bit? No. That was a good distinction. I know, but he's a master carpenter or she's a master salad. I think you just say expert like we do. Okay. All right. What if this had been called armchair master?

No. I wouldn't have allowed that. Okay. Okay. Ready? Michigan. The name Rouge. Ever heard of it?

Well, Rouge, we have the River Rouge, which is red, right, in French? Mm-hmm. Do you know what Nain is? No. It's Dwarf. The red dwarf? Yeah.

Oh, my goodness. This is one of the urban legends still recognized today and is celebrated by the people of Detroit every year. They say there's a devilish creature known as the Nain Rouge, French for Red Dwarf, who causes mayhem in the city, small and red. This is Devil's Night, probably. Small and red with a piercing cacklish laugh. He's thought to be seen when disaster is about to strike and is even said to be the reason for the Cadillac Company's downfall in the city.

Oh, wow. Okay. That one was less offensive. Why is he driving industry out of the city? I guess he hates his city. He's a rascal. Yeah, he's a devil. Okay, well, those weren't really urban legends.

Not as we normally think of them. That was annoying. I mean, now a couple, though, Bloody Mary. We all know Bloody Mary. Do you know Bloody Mary? You don't know Bloody Mary? Or you can't say it in the mirror. A famous mirror ritual were chanting a name multiple times in a dark room summons a vengeful spirit.

I once had a sleepover and invited my friend and told her about this and she had to go home. Oh, God, you spooked her that much. Yeah. The hook-handed killer. A cautionary tale about a maniac with a prosthetic hook attacking young couples parked in secluded areas. I think I've heard that one. Yeah, started by the moral majority to prevent people. Ew, I definitely heard of this one.

the licked hand. A story about a girl who thinks her dog is licking her hand at night only to find the animal murdered and an intruder under her bed. I've heard this. Uh-huh. That feels familiar. Yeah. Again, like I was saying, the expert that was telling us about it is like, it's these weird

details that end up being sticky. So it's like licking the hand. Right? That's what makes it memorable. And the dead animal. The small coffin with the note. I know. That's your favorite.

Like, why would he, where would one get a, he's a woodworker? You made a miniature coffin? Oh, slender man. Oh, yeah, yeah. I saw a doc on that. Yeah, me too. Okay. Now, can you catch things from a public toilet seat?

You are extremely unlikely to catch an infection or sexually transmitted disease from sitting on a toilet seat. Yeah, unless you're married. I know. That was that we already said that. Okay, it says fragile germs. Most bacteria and viruses that cause. STDs or illnesses die very quickly when they leave the human body and hit a dry hard surface. Healthy skin acts as a strong protective shield against germs.

To get sick, live germs from the seat, we need to directly enter an open wound or your mucus membranes, which is rare from simply sitting down. Also, no, because what if you've never gotten your vagina on the edge of the seat. I guarantee people have gotten their vagina on the seat. Have you? I hover. But a lot of people sit. And I could see, what if they kind of fall and then they sit?

No, you'd have to sit on the corner of the toilet to accomplish this. No, like. And then let's just do the math. Yeah, you got to like side saddle the seat, which is insane. I just don't see that happening. Additionally, the person before you had to side saddle it to get the SD on that area of the toilet. No, not side saddle. Okay, let's say.

For the listener, Monica's pointing at the little one or whatever this is called. This is the toilet seat. Yeah, the you. Uh-huh. So, okay. The outside of your cheeks go on. So I'm unbuttoning. Yeah. Ah!

No, because you would have put your butt cheek in the big hole and you would have fallen over to the side into the water. Look, okay. I know. So if you're hovering, you're hovering. There's, no, you would have been touching the front where there's no seat. And again. The seats, let's go. I'm going to take a picture.

I don't, I'm interested in why you're incentivized for SCDs to be contagious on toilet seats. I'm not. I'm just trying to talk things. through. Okay. As a woman who sits on toilet seats and you're a man. Well, you just told me you hover, but I mean, at mine I sit. Like you're a man you stand. Yeah. So, well, not when I go and overdo. Right. So, but that's different. Okay. So also, um, it does say toilet, what you might actually encounter gut bacteria. Yeah, yeah, okay. Toilette seats can carry small amounts of bacteria like E. Colli or strep. Disgusting. Okay. Uh, can you, uh, can you, uh, can you,

get an STD from a hot tub, you cannot. From just sitting in or soaking in the water of a hot tub. Yeah, unless you're married. They die very close. That's such a good joke. They drive very quickly outside the human body. And there's chlorine. It says you do not catch an SCD from the water itself.

Yeah, you'd have to be sliding down the handrail with your vagina or your an anus. So you're saying you could. If you slid down and someone else had just slid down. have done that for sure. And they're doing their vagina would rip it apart. You know that. Even your drunkest state, you would never think it was a good eye job to hot dog bun, the handrail. I wouldn't.

But I've been around so many people who are drunk and then they're trying to impress boys. And then the boy slides out and then they'll be fun. And then they do that. Okay. Okay. What does Joel Olstein own? Ooh. What does Joel Owens?

theme all. Great. A 17,000 square foot mansion in Houston, Texas, valued at approximately $10.5 million to $14 million. His net worth is estimated between $50 million and $100 million. He does not take a salary from Lakewood Church. His wealth comes from bestselling book royalties, speaking engagements, and media projects. So he, his megachurch purchased and moved into the Compact Center, originally known as the summit in Houston, Texas arena that was the home of the Houston Rockets. Did he ever own the Charlotte Arena? Was he there? I don't think so. Oh, wow. So there's another megachurch owner that has the Charlotte Arena. Okay. Unfortunately, you were wrong. And run DMC, they wore Adidas, not Phila's. Makes sense. They did have a song about it.

Yeah. Wonder who wore Phyllis. Well, Lizzo did. Okay, how to pronounce Flutus, floutist. So it's based on region, kind of. Chef's choice. British English is flautist. American English is floutist, though flautist is also used. And it says the more common North American alternative pronounce flutist. So I guess any, but I would say floutist. I'm going to stick with floutist because it took me the longest to learn.

You can't unlearn that. Okay, now we talked about Morning Becomes Eclectic, and you said the guy that runs it, like, ended up doing a lot of stuff for... Music supervision. Was it Tom Schnabel or Schnabel? Oh. He was the show's originator. I know the person I'm talking about did some music placement on Parenthood. And I'm embarrassed.

I don't know. Was it, would you know it if I said it? Chris Doritos? Doritos? Doritos. It really sounds like that. That's suck. Could have been in Chris Tritos.

Nick Hardcourt? Nick Hardcore. Jason Bentley? I'm just, I'm really sorry. I'm not going to know. Ann Litt. Novena Carmel and Anthony Validus?

Lots of people were programming, I guess. Well, these are over the course of time. Yeah. But if you were, if it was parenthood, that would have been 2012. That would have been Jason. Bentley. Okay. That sounds right. Yeah. I'm trying to remember Larry telling me his name 14 years ago, and I just don't have it. I understand. Okay. Um, what's a Colorado Mimosa, often called a colomosa? Hard cider based twist on the classic champagne cocktail made by mixing traditional hard cider with fresh

orange and lime juice. Yummy. Okay. The topmost viewed tiny desk concerts, because you said Anderson Pax was the biggest ever. You were just saying sports. Dual Lipa is the biggest. 142 million views. Wow. Then Mac Miller. 137 million.

Then Anderson Pack. At what? 118 million. Okay, let's get Anderson up there to the top of the leaderboard. Also, Liz, remember she said she has under-watched. Yeah, watch hers first. But also, let's get Anderson. in the number one slot.

All right. Mac Miller, that was my introduction. Yeah. Somehow when, you know, as I told the story. The Neck Desk is so great. It's so cool. Good for that, man. I know.

I found a Fila. Tupac War Fila? Two Pock's and some Filas. Okay. That's cool. And he's in front of a Jaguar XJS. Yeah, it was for an insert of one of his albums. He wore them.

They were Grant Hill sneakers. Ah, Detroit, ding, ding, ding. What a player, Grant Hill. Always led the league in triple doubles. Something just happened with Tupac. His murderer was convicted yesterday or the day before. Wow. Some 18 years later or whatever it was.

Just think about having murdered someone and you've gotten away with it for like a decade. When do you start thinking like, well, I guess I'm pretty. Probably. Yeah. I think 14 years in, I would be like, I guess I got away with it. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Whoa.

Can never get comfy. That's one of the. Scary. Prices you pay for me to murderers. The rest of your life, you're like, am I going to prison? Yeah. Do you think they like it? Kind of like what happened with Steve, the pool.

Like, they kind of get off on like. Well, you know what I have a little bit of a more. moral conundrum. Sometimes these people get brought to justice like 30 years after the fact you read about them. I know. It's like you when you read an 82 year old's getting sentenced to life, I kind of don't like it. I'm like, well, obviously they didn't kill a bunch more people or do a bunch more shit. Unless they did like Robert Durst. Yeah, for sure. So but I agree. If it's like a one and done, but it's still like, it's just like, well, fuck, they were already out for 30 years. They didn't cause any more wreckage. Do we really need to now spend money to make an old person die in jail.

It gets tricky for me. It is tricky for me. It was my loved one that was hurt. Exactly. But being outside of that dynamic, I just go like, what's this all about? What's the point of this? So that this guy can die in misery. It depends also on the crime.

Yeah. I think, maybe. I don't know. Not saying anything, but just, okay, I'm not going to say anything. Do you want to tell me and cut it? No, because you'll be mad. It could be a spoiler. Oh, okay, okay.

Oh, wow. You know about a core case I don't know about it. All right, well, that's it. That was everything for Lizzo? Yes, great episode. Long time coming. I'm glad we got her. Me too.

So fun. All right, love you. Love you.