Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Maren Morris
Episode Date: September 25, 2024Maren Morris (Intermission, Humble Quest, GIRL) is a Grammy award-winning singer and songwriter. Maren joins the Armchair Expert to discuss why some people are attracted to their therapists, ...why she doesn’t like to be confrontational, and how people adapt to their environment. Maren and Dax talk about how publishing music has changed since streaming, dealing with rejection early in her career, and what influences she draws from for her songs. Maren explains what’s fueling her recent creativity, why she loves people’s quirks, and how she feels about being on dating apps. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert,
Expert Sign Expert.
I'm Dan Shepard and I'm joined by Monica,
Duchess of Duluth, Padman.
Hello.
This was outrageously fun.
So fun.
We have a pattern of these young singers come on
and every time they're so much fun.
It's a good group.
Yeah, it is.
She's young.
Yeah.
Oh.
She doesn't qualify as young.
Well, what do you say is young?
What do you think is young?
Anything under 40.
Oh, great.
So I'm still young?
Yes.
Oh.
You're a tiny little person. My God, great. Even when you're old as hell, you'll be young. Oh, that's nice. Oh, great. So I'm still young? Yes. You're a tiny little person.
My God, great.
Even when you're old as hell, you'll be young.
Oh, that's nice.
I hope so.
You're miniature.
Yeah.
Which shaves off a decade at least.
Yeah, but witches are miniature and they do age.
Well, they're old as fuck though.
They're like four or 500 years old.
That's true, that's true.
And so in that way, they look incredibly young.
You're right.
Maybe for the first 200 years, they look 20.
You're not calling Marin a witch though.
No, me.
Okay, you're calling yourself a witch.
I think, I don't remember how.
I think you're a witch.
I can see that. Because you're nasty.
I can see that.
You're fucking nasty, you know?
In a witchy way?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, well I'll take it. Which is cool too.
I'll take it. It's very punk rock yeah. Okay, well I'll take it. Which is cool too. I'll take it.
It's very punk rock to be a witch.
I'll take it.
Okay, Maren is a Grammy award winning singer and songwriter.
Fuck in the middle, we just,
I don't know that we've ever
We love that song.
indulged in a song as much as the middle.
Yeah, it was one of our songs on a trip as you'll hear.
Yes, and three great albums,
Hero, Girl, Humble Quest.
And she has a new EP out right now called Intermission.
And she helps us learn about the music industry,
which is we have her as an expert
to sort of teach us some stuff.
Yes, absolutely.
I actually was quite fascinated
by all the different things I learned
about the music industry and this.
But I also wanna add,
just for a tasty tidbit of nothing,
after the interview, we were chatting with her.
And as it turns out, for anyone who heard the Huey episode
where Huey Estes was on the fact check,
and we were talking about country clubs.
We got into it.
We got into it.
And your position was a little, you're anti-country club.
And I was like, well, truth be told, I am too,
but I went and I have to say,
I had a really great time, blah, blah, blah.
And she said, yeah, we're a member of a country club
and a Nashville and it's not like stuffy.
It's really cool, blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like, this sounds a lot like you.
So then I said, what's the name of the country club?
She told me, then I text Huey.
He goes, that's our country club.
Yeah.
He goes, she's on a tennis team with my wife.
She's been to my house.
I'm like, oh my God, you know Huey and you know Hayes
and you're on a tennis team with Hayes, the Slice Girls.
Slice Girls, I was gonna say,
what was the name of her great name?
Great name.
That was a weird ding, ding, ding.
She knows Huey and Hayes.
The world is small.
It's tiny.
Please enjoy Marin Morris.
I'm Enest James.
And I'm Colin Murray.
And this is everything to play for.
It's the show that takes you inside
the greatest sports stories of all time.
And our new two-parter is truly one of the greatest stories
of human perseverance ever told.
Yes, it is the story of the speed demon,
the Max missile, it's Mark Cavendish and his
journey to beat Eddie Murks' Tour de France stage win record.
35 is the magic number, 35 stage wins. It's almost too good to be true, and there was
a point where nobody thought that this was ever going to happen for him.
But despite all the outside noise, Mark Camditch carries on and proves everyone wrong
to show why he is one of the all-time greats.
Follow everything to play for on the Wondery app
or wherever you get your podcasts.
You can binge seasons early and ad-free right now on One Dree Plus. listen to Baby, this is Kiki Palmer on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. It would be embarrassing if it just started playing right now. Or cool. She's an actual expat
It would be embarrassing if it just started playing right now Or cool. What song were you listening to?
I was listening to My Church
Yeah, My Church. Hard to get away from My Church
I love your Willy shirt
Oh, thank you. It's a nod to you
But more importantly, it's a nod to the Highwomen
Oh, hell yeah
Have you had Brandy on the show ever? I haven't.
Okay.
I'm trying to think of country guests we've had.
We haven't had too many, who?
Yes, she's the queen.
You know Martina?
Yeah, she's a baddie.
A baddie, I like that.
She's kind of, if you're in Nashville,
she's like a good surrogate mother to everyone, right?
Yeah, she's really sweet, very mayoral.
She and her husband are the mayors.
Oh, they are.
It feels like that at events.
I'm glad you had that right,
because I was like, does she mean maternal?
But no, mayoral, they're the mayors.
I have never used that word before.
I know, only-
It's like, I need time to try it.
You only say it when you're talking about
a mayoral campaign, right?
Yeah.
I guess he's not really country,
but you had Teddy Swims on recently.
Yes.
I love Teddy.
Do you watch couples therapy?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, y'all had Orna on.
Oh my God, you know.
I'm so jealous.
Yeah, I'm obsessed with her and her therapist.
Orna herself is very eccentric and gorgeous.
But like sexy.
Yeah.
So sexy.
Yeah, something alluring.
Her voice, her cadence as she speaks.
She's so self-assured.
She's just so quiet.
I want her to be my therapist.
I know, same.
Me too, but I would be too in love with her.
I would be performing for her
and trying to get her to like me.
I'm glad you used sexy because we all too agree
there's some little sex appeal there.
How many therapists do you think
have had sex with their patients?
The percentage.
A lot.
You think a lot?
Well, not percentage,
but it's such an intimate relationship.
It is, and you get to know everyone's deepest darkest.
I don't think I could have a male therapist for that reason
because I would fall in love with him.
And I mean, I'm bisexual, so actually both are bad,
but if it's someone that's like attractive
and I'm just spilling all my childhood trauma,
I'm like, we're in a relationship.
And you are, so it's a little tricky.
And in fact, we're in a better relationship
than I've ever been in.
It's so healthy.
They have boundaries.
They don't think of me when they go home.
I was like, yeah, I love you.
And they really have your best interest at heart
because they only have to do that for an hour.
Like everyone could be a perfect husband or wife
or boyfriend or girlfriend for one hour a week.
Oh my God.
You could nail that.
You might've cracked the code.
Yeah, just be together for one hour a week.
But over time and living with people
and I clear my throat so much,
however much you might like me if you're on the outside,
live with me for six mornings
and hear what happens in the morning when I start up.
The spell breaks. I'm like an old car go,
whine me up and coughing and getting it going.
And you'd be in the other room going like,
it's not worth this.
Yeah, the charm breaks after six mornings.
And you're just left with the coughs.
That's all you have.
That's intimacy though.
It is, that's the sweet part.
Toots, coughs.
That's what they say on Just Love Hunting.
Everyone tries to be cool and like,
oh, you know, I'll free to call this thing say on Just Well Hunting. Everyone tries to be cool and like,
oh, you know, I'll free to call this thing
and just live in a house next door to my partner,
connected by a bridge, but we're not sharing a bathroom.
You go back to your place after we're done.
They might've been onto something there for sure.
Also Diane Von Furstenberg, I think,
had a similar setup with husbands.
Separate living situations.
Which is cool. I would've balked at that a while ago because I was doing a similar setup with husbands. Separate living situations. Which is cool.
I would have balked at that a while ago
because I was doing a movie with a guy
and he was telling me like,
you don't live in the same room as your wife do you?
And I was like, of course I do.
Why did I get married?
He was talking to me like I was insane.
He's like, no, no, I sleep in another room from my wife.
And I thought that was bonkers.
I mean, just don't be married.
Does he snore?
Was that the thing?
It always starts with the snoring.
That's the white lie.
Exactly, exactly.
But I was very judgmental of it,
but I have to say, my wife has been sleeping
with our two girls.
At this point, it just took over in the last year.
She's been sleeping with them probably 80% of the nights.
And at first I was like, this is nuts.
I mean, I just live by myself.
But then I was like, this is awesome.
I live by myself.
So every night I get in bed and I'm like, watch whatever I want I mean I just live by myself. But then I was like, this is awesome, I live by myself. So every night I get in bed and I like watch
whatever I want, I'm on my own little schedule.
I gotta say, I still love the daylights however,
but I'm not in a huge hurry.
So now that I've had that experience,
fuck, I don't know, maybe House Next Door's the way to go.
But what have you done now in bed that you,
I mean, keep it I guess.
Like a bad habit, I think that.
You can keep it R but not X, or go ahead.
No, you would think I went with self-pleasuring and stuff.
Yeah, but I'm even more kinky.
Like, what are you doing in bed
that you couldn't do when she was there?
Well, even though I clearly fart in front of my wife,
it would be insane that I didn't,
I do try to keep a lid on it if they're problematic.
Ah.
Sorry to smack everywhere.
No, it's good, that was my goal.
We won that.
Always the fart culture that gets it.
And let me be clear and very honest, if they're old or less, I don't care.
Yeah, that's not a problem.
But if they're rough, I'm not trying to put her through that.
I'll get up and I'll walk to the balcony and I have a whole thing I do.
I go out and away, out and away, because I try to get it away from you.
So Shakespearean on the balcony.
That's pretty entertaining for her,
because she's just in bed watching me in the balcony,
and I'm going, you push it out and away,
because I don't want to bring any back in.
So when I'm by myself,
not only am I making no effort to curb that,
I'm probably trying.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
That's fair.
There was like a Sex and the City episode about this,
where it was just like secret single behavior,
and it's what do you do when you're alone?
And for me, I don't know if it's just
an overactive imagination from a child,
but I'll have full scenes with just myself.
I'm my own scene partner.
I'll do accents.
I have a full conversation with like an enemy in my head
and I'll do it in bed by myself.
Allowed?
Yeah.
Well I can now, I'm divorced.
So all day.
You're free to.
All night.
But is your son over here, mommy,
like who's mommy talking to in there?
There sounds like a lot of people in there.
What's that bad British accent up the stairs?
Who's mommy fighting with upstairs?
Yeah, just herself, her own demons.
Is there a theme that you're normally having fights about?
I mean, it's always about me being right,
but I'm not very confrontational in real life.
I am more so now, like I know how to set a boundary
with loved ones.
And I was talking to someone the other day
about I don't have enough for everyone to give 100%.
I only have that percentage for my son, myself,
a few close people around me,
but everyone else is gonna get like 70% me.
Yeah. That's fair.
That's a lot.
Honestly, most days it probably should just be like 30%
because I just learned I'm exhausted easily
and I can't do it that way anymore.
I do a lot of, and this is so embarrassing,
this is probably the most common for me.
I imagine wanting to make a statement in public
about an opinion I have, be it societal, political,
whatever.
And then I anticipate what the backlash is.
Are you like town crier in this scenario?
Oh, wonderful archetype.
Tell people about town crier.
I just imagine you walking through these like cobblestone streets with the bell and hear
you hear you and you have a statement to make to a mass audience.
I can be even more specific.
My main preoccupation is, and it's such arrogance,
I think I can craft a sentence
that can bridge the divide between people.
That's generally what I'm ruminating on.
It's like I can point out to these people
that their thing they feel passionate about
is very identical to this other thing
that these people feel passionate about.
If you take away the particulars,
in fact, they're the identical arguments.
And if I point that out to them,
you can unify.
They'll have some compassion.
They're not gonna agree, but they'll at least go like,
I do know that feeling, that is the base of my position.
And then I craft this perfect sentence
that's gonna heal the world.
And then I wait for the backlash.
So then I rewrite my initial sentence.
No, that's right, they're gonna outfox me on that.
And that'll just go on and on and on.
And then I remember no one's gonna ever listen
to anything I say or change their opinion.
Yeah, well, what do you think's gonna happen when,
cause I think it is possible to have compassion
for something you don't agree with, but then what?
So everyone has compassion,
but they still have their beliefs.
Yes, I'm trying to take it out of the realm of emotion
and in-group out-group and make it
an intellectual disagreement.
Like I said the other day,
no one that's arguing for Kantian philosophy
against someone that's arguing for utilitarian philosophy,
neither side's going, that side's evil.
They're going like, I don't agree with that,
but I also don't think you're evil.
That's like a pretty solid point of view.
I just don't agree with it.
My fantasy is that we could just move it out of this emotional, identity-driven zone
where you're fighting to protect your identity
and just have it more like two intellectuals
debating two ideas and maybe disagreeing at the end.
Do you think some of that is because you are worried?
Like you protect the idea that there's no such thing
as bad people a lot, which I
agree with. I don't know how you feel about that.
It's so funny. I hate to always bring this back to like my new motherhood because I think
when you are taking it back to like the sandbox argument where I'm watching my son on the
playground and you are as a parent like a hawk watching them, but also letting it play
out because you can't
control everything and that's a good exercise.
But you see children their same age from different backgrounds, different homes, different parental
styles, being little shits to your kid.
And you want to like step in.
And I only do when clearly he's not sticking up for himself or what have you, or it's getting
really bully mentality.
But I think people are innately good, which is like a very hopeful thing to maybe realize
about my belief system now.
It starts so early.
The small things.
The cracks and the ridges of generational stuff.
And so it's so apparent when you watch kids grow up and like start to have verbal skills
and group mentality, bully mentality, peer
pressure. It's very influential. And I've been influenced child to sometimes even now
I'll be like, I always have to check biases, always have to check my behaviors because
I think we all believe we're good people, even people that have wild things to say.
There's a person there.
I agree. I think before I met Dax, I would have said things are a little more black and
white and there's more good and bad.
And I don't think that anymore after knowing you.
I also don't think people are good.
I wanna say that.
I feel inclined to say-
What's a better word?
Well, just, I don't think people are good or bad.
I think they're innately generous
to their family members that are carrying on their genes.
I mean, I just think biologically,
they are that to those people.
And you see great sacrifice for their in-group.
But I just think they're capable of all
and I think anyone that thinks they're not a product
of their household, that they would be the exact same way
coming out of a different household is a little bonkers.
And even your friendship group,
I behave much differently, shocker, here in Los Angeles
than I did in Detroit and I could move somewhere else
and I bet I have another whole transition left in me.
Yeah, I think we adapt to our environment.
We're survivalists at the end of the day.
We don't wanna be lonely.
So we go to extreme lengths to not feel loneliness.
Everyone is potentially swayable in that way.
Great transition, great segue into Arlington, Texas.
This is in the trifecta of cities,
the Dallas, Fort Worth, Arlington.
The Metroplex.
That sounds like a cinema. Ooh, I Worth, Arlington. The Metroplex.
That sounds like a cinema, I like that.
Ooh, I love it.
Phantom of the Metroplex.
I'm from there.
I've lived in Nashville for 11 years, though.
So it's home.
But mom and dad did the cutest thing
because they named their salon after their two daughters.
I think this is so sweet.
The name of mom and dad's salon was Maron and Carson,
Aveda Salon.
Aveda?
Aveda.
My sister worked there, so I learned that.
She did, yeah.
Oh, yeah, I grew up in an environment of a lot of talking,
a lot of heart to hearts, a lot of goss.
And were you ear to the street?
Were you trying to hear all the hot stuff?
From like six years old to, I think I worked there
as a receptionist until I was 18 or 19.
And when did you start as a receptionist?
I worked there for two or three years.
I had the idea of walking in and greeting a 12 year old,
which would have been so fun.
I was always there, like after school.
I'd sweep the hair, restock the shelves.
Did you have crushes on some of the beauticians
or hairstylists?
No, I mean, they were all that shit crazy.
And I don't mean sexual, I mean it seems to me
that there would be a lot of cool, younger,
single women that seemed to be stylish and fun
and if I were a young girl I'd be like,
oh Suzy's kinda awesome.
Oh my gosh, yeah, I idolize them in a way,
the ones that would just go outside the alley
of the break room and smoke cigarettes between clients,
I'd be like, that's me someday.
And they all have tattoos and like crazy haircuts.
They're awesome in that way, but something's off for sure.
And I just say that as like the daughter of one.
It attracts a certain type.
I'll say it.
I actually love the type of scene in show business.
The hair and makeup teams that are in the trailers,
there's a vibe.
It's so many hours with someone for years,
if you have this rapport and clientele.
So my mom, some clients she's been doing for 35 years. It's so many hours with someone for years, if you have this rapport and clientele.
So my mom, some clients she's been doing for 35 years,
she's done their hair at their own like wakes.
That's crazy.
Oh my gosh.
Oh, that's a call to get.
Yeah, but seasonal changes, moves, babies, all this stuff.
I remember just knowing everything about everyone.
They're not like shy about it.
They're in the chair.
They feel like they know this woman, my mother,
and they're just spilling all of the tea.
It's the original podcast.
It kind of is.
Yeah. Oh my God, you're right.
We just talked about this on sync
that apparently hairstylists,
that's the happiest profession.
Cause you know dentists are like,
The least.
They're not very happy.
High suicide rate.
Is it had to be said?
Sometimes you have to say it's just a stat. Although we looked it up and that wasn't true. They're always in there. They're high very happy. Highest suicide rate. Is it had to be said? Sometimes you have to say it's a success.
Although we looked it up and that wasn't true.
They're always there.
They're high.
Yeah.
But anyway, apparently hairstylists
are on the opposite end.
And this sort of makes sense.
Community, getting to know someone.
Making someone feel beautiful too.
They walk out with a new lease on life
if they walked in feeling like shit.
That's really a powerful thing
to be in control of
for someone's day.
You have purpose.
Yeah, so I think there's a reason why
we trust all of them so innately.
You should listen to the Jeremy Renner episode.
The way he spoke about this,
because he would do makeovers at the mall makeup.
No.
Yes, he was like a highly skilled,
encovided makeup artist.
And the way he would describe helping these women
that came in feel their best was so sweet.
And I totally bought it.
Do you think your mother had to ever fight the urge?
Certainly she had a client for years that was like,
Gail, your hair would look so much better if it were short,
if you did bangs, blah, blah, and they never,
and then she gets the call for the wake.
She's like, now's my chance to give her the haircut.
I know, at least she's gotta go out.
She cuts bangs on her finally.
That's a bad example, because it's a big swing.
But you know, she might've always had a sense
that she was framing her head wrong.
And she's like, you deserve on your final resting
to go out looking beautiful.
Yeah, a 10.
She's had to fire clients.
Because it got too murky?
Or they wouldn't accept her advice
in the hairstyle department?
No, I think just, at the end of the day,
it's customer service.
People are so particular about their hair.
It's not like your food.
It's the way you wake up in the morning.
It could be determined by a bad hair day or good hair day.
And she has had clients that are like very high maintenance.
There's two or three, I remember. And my dad works at the salon too. So he's the business portion and she has had clients that are like very high maintenance. There's two or three I remember.
And my dad works at the salon too.
So he's the business portion and she does hair.
I just remember he had to call someone one day
and this lady was just himming and hawing
about how my mom's schedule is never open enough for her.
And he finally was just like, Linda, whatever her name was,
I cannot manufacture time for you.
Which I thought was like a really good line.
It is.
It is a good line.
I liked the boundary being set because yeah,
customer is king but also like respect people
that are making you look good.
Okay, so maybe this is apocryphal
but you sang at one of the parties for the salon,
karaoke, and in that moment you're like,
oh, this is pretty great.
They love this.
I think I wanna do this.
I think I always loved singing,
but my parents would have these company Christmas parties
with a karaoke machine.
My mom loves karaoke.
She's like won competitions for it.
Oh, wow.
I just loved, you know, I think I was going through
my Wizard of Oz obsession at the time
and singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow.
I was supposed to be in bed,
because it's at the house,
she's having all her employees over,
and I just snuck down the stairs
and put that on the karaoke jukebox and started singing.
My parents still tell the story where they thought
that it was an adult singing in the other room.
Oh.
And they're like, I think that's your kid.
And it was me.
And so I think that was when the light bulb went off
for them of like, oh my God, we had no idea.
Because I was 10 or 11, it wasn't like four.
That's kind of where it kicked off.
And your dad got kind of real supportive in a hurry?
Yeah, my dad managed me kind of up until I moved to Nashville.
So I would tour through Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana,
any honky tonk or barbecue festival or chili cook-off or like whatever needed live music,
I would be the singing sensation at 14.
What was the worst?
Cause I was in on the Honky Tonks,
but when you said barbecue cookout,
I was picturing outside a stage,
people are preoccupied with the barbecue.
And I remember doing improv at a festival
and there was a rock band on the next stage
and you couldn't hear us and there was five people.
It was like probably my darkest moment as a performer.
Did you have any that were just horrendous experiences
where you were singing all by yourself
and no one was watching
because it was a barbecue festival?
Most of them.
Most of them.
Most of the shows.
It was extremely character building.
My mom has footage of me
because they'd bring the camcorder
and set it on the tripod at the Honky Tonk
or the Chili Cook Off or whatever.
She was like, I'm going to film your performance so you honky tonk or the chili cook off or whatever.
She was like, I'm going to film your performance so you can go back and watch the tape and
criticize yourself. Sure.
Finesse. Break bad habits.
Work on your banter between songs maybe. I'm like 15. But it's funny and obviously really
triggering to watch those back now because I'm like, how did I continue having a love for
performing? And it kind of died. When I moved to Nashville, I was having a full,
like I wanna move here and just be a songwriter.
I don't wanna be this like little kiddie performer.
I just wanted to start over, kind of rebel.
No, I'm never getting on stage again.
I'm just gonna write songs for other artists on Music Row
as like a working songwriter, have a publishing deal
and be behind the scenes and not have to tour or travel.
We had Shania Twain on and she talked a lot about being a kid and playing in bars.
What a while. Now mind you,
she was in Northern Canada or there was a fight every night when she performed virtually.
But what was it like being young and being around drunk adults?
It was strange.
I think it was like that scene in Pinocchio
where all the people get drunk and they turn into donkeys.
That scene is terrifying.
That's sort of like what I was seeing unfold.
Because it's very interesting to know adults all day
and then see them acting like children at night.
It's very weird.
Yeah.
I think it gave me, along with the stories
I'd hear at the salon, a huge look into the lives of humans.
The real life.
And the drama and the relationships and the heartbreak and just the mania.
So I think that's probably where my, again, overactive imagination kicked in for songwriting.
Because I'm writing songs at like 16. I'm not dating boys.
Because first off, they are idiots and I'm constantly songs at like 16. I'm not dating boys because first off, they are idiots
and I'm constantly around adults.
Dating like a high school boy,
it seemed crazy.
Pass.
He hasn't even seen a stabbing.
I know, yeah.
He's never seen anyone get hit in the head
with a liquor bottle.
So naive.
You never even smelled Jägermeister.
So like, what are you gonna do?
You don't come home drinking like cigarettes ever.
You know what's funny?
The other day, you can tell me if you don't want this in,
but one of your kids came home from school
and I was there and she said,
oh, so glad you're here.
All these kids.
She's back in school and she's like,
I don't know how to talk to,
like she has outgrown the kids her age
because she's around adults a lot.
She is surrounded by adults and she's like,
this kid is doing this.
And the thing is I do that, but I know I do that.
And they don't.
It was such an adult conversation she was having
about like understanding herself and the world.
And she's just around adults and being around these kids,
her age is hard.
That's how I was.
I mean, that's girls too.
We get it a little bit quicker.
I think it is interesting when you're around a lot of adults,
it definitely affects the way you see people your age.
Well, not to have a pity party for myself,
but yeah, I would go to this kid's house.
You know, he and his grandpa had a coin collection,
he had wallpaper of antique cars.
His life was just so innocent, I could see.
And like at my home, there's an alcoholic raging
in the household.
And I just was like, I can't even relate
to how simple and naive and innocent this bedroom is and the boy.
And I guess there are pros and cons to both.
It's not like a horrible thing to have to grow up fast,
but it's also a sad thing to have to grow up fast.
Well, you have to be like cognizant too of grooming
because I was 14 playing in bars
and then this boy who was 18 started showing me attention
and he had just graduated and I was like still a freshman and he was so into my 18 started showing me attention and he had just graduated
and I was like still a freshman and he was so into my music and showing me just a lot of inappropriate
attention but I was like I don't connect with boys my age so I must just be interested in
adults. Yes. And obviously at the time I thought that was really cool and then we hooked up and
I just realized how young I actually was. You felt immediately overwhelmed like this is too much.
Yeah, and I realized I'm still a kid.
Like this isn't cool and it's totally fine.
But now we have a lot more resources and
communication and tools to talk about this sort of thing.
And it was no one's fault.
It wasn't even at a show.
It was outside of school summer after freshman year.
Now that I have my son who's four and a half,
he's around adults a lot.
And he's on tour with me on the weeks that I have him.
And now he's back in school,
but I just want to be extremely aware of his surroundings.
And it's like not stranger danger,
but it's strange behavior.
Ooh, that's the new, I like that.
But you did put out your first self-released album
at 15 years old,
and then you did another one
at 17 years old.
This is all before moving to Nashville.
I was curious.
They've been scrubbed from the internet.
Oh no.
Well, I was wondering if you personally,
when you go back and listen to those,
I would imagine it would be like reading your diary
from that time.
Yeah, which I'm sure for most teenage girls
is very cringe, but there's moments of course
that I loved of that era of my life
I think it gave me a lot of
Experience so by the time I did move to Nashville. I wasn't catching up. I was like I'm a
I don't blame my parents by any means because I think they were extremely supportive
But there were things I missed out on what I I thought immediately, because I'm egocentric,
is, yeah, I could see this all happening
with me and my daughter.
If she loved something, I would be like,
let's go and I'll help you do whatever.
And then I imagine at some point you must have felt like,
okay, I need to do this without you.
I need to be an adult
and I don't really want to do it in front of you.
Was there any growing pains with dad I need to do this without you. I need to be an adult, and I don't really wanna do it in front of you.
Was there any growing pains with dad
having been so close during the initial stage of it all?
I think the cord cutting was me moving to Nashville.
And it wasn't just my dad, it was my mom too.
They were like a management team almost.
And so just the proximity separation was helpful.
And then me really hitting the reset button.
I remember I only knew like a couple of people in Nashville when I first moved there but everything was truly ground up. I lived in like a
shitty Craigslist house with two 20-somethings that I didn't know, sight unseen. It's like condemned
now. How old were you when you moved there? 23. I would kind of like go to writing rounds and shows
by myself and as like a sort of hermit I really had to just get over it and just put myself out there and network.
And so I didn't have like cards or anything,
but I was like, hey, if you're around next Tuesday,
we should write like a complete stranger.
And then eventually that became normal.
And then I think it was eight months to the day
of me moving to Nashville,
I got an offer from a publishing company and they were like,
we wanna give you a publishing deal for four years.
And the money was not enough,
but I made it work to live on
and just ate ramen every night,
did the thing you're supposed to do.
And it took a few years to really find my songwriting voice,
learning how to collaborate
because Nashville is all about co-writing,
not writing by yourself.
And I love it now.
I can't write by myself.
I love writing with my friends.
I would write and try to like pitch songs to bigger artists.
This is where I want your expertise.
So I'm dying to know how that whole process works.
It's so fascinating.
So you get a four-year contract.
It has what some built-in salary or yearly thing.
And then you do- They call it a draw.
So it's an advance against maybe what you'll make.
Yeah, it's recoupable.
So you do end up writing a song that Tim McGraw uses
and you write a song that Tim McGraw uses? Mm-hmm.
And you write a song that Kelly Clarkson sings.
So once that happens, how does the financials of that work?
Do you get a fee for having written it
and then you own some of the?
Yeah, the publishing.
Okay, how does that all work?
Teach us about the music industry.
Come on.
I feel like a Belmont professor.
Honestly, I've never been that articulate
talking about the deal points of these publishing deals
and everything is so different now
because it was 2013, 14 when I got my deal.
iTunes was still king and radio.
People bought a song for 99 cents.
The label and the songwriters are making money
and then streaming happened.
And so if I were a songwriter in Nashville in the 90s and I had one song
on that Shania Twain Come On Over album, which went diamond, even if you didn't
have a single on that album, even if you just had a deep cut, you would have made
hundreds of thousands of dollars, perhaps even millions.
Really?
Because radio and you were buying albums, CDs at Walmart.
The songwriter gets paid every time it plays on the radio
and every time obviously a CD is purchased.
Yeah, and that's your ownership.
You're splitting it with your co-writers,
your publishers taking whatever percentage
y'all have worked out on the front end.
Nowadays with streaming,
there's so many incredible organizations.
NSAI and Nashville has been on Capitol Hill for a decade,
trying to work deals up with Spotify, Apple,
all of the DSPs to provide more shares for writers.
Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.
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Most of my songwriter friends, unless they are just having constant hits on the radio,
they have second jobs. It is just not a sustainable living anymore.
Do you get a fee though when they initially like,
Kelly Clarkson, here's the song,
you guys have recorded a demo, I'm guessing.
Yeah.
And she goes, yes, I want that.
I don't wanna do that.
Is there an initial fee right then?
No, it's all on the backend.
Even if it went number one,
you wouldn't see that money for over a year.
Whoa.
So everything has to go through the channels of the label.
I'm with BMI, so they have a percentage,
and then you get your check in the mail.
Everyone's like, oh my God, you sold a song?
Buku's the money coming in, and you're like, no.
And also if I do see anything,
it's gonna be over a year from now.
Songwriters are the last people to get paid.
And it's so funny because-
They're the first one in.
Yeah.
It doesn't exist without them.
It doesn't exist, yeah, we're the creator.
So I like talking about this.
I make money from touring.
I make money from merch.
If you've restructured or renegotiated your deals with your label, which I have, and also
I'm in a publishing deal now where I own the majority share.
So my songs now I own.
That's not the case for most people.
It sucks because music is such a unifier.
I have a provocative take on this.
I would love to hear your pushback.
In TV and film, the same thing's sort of happening.
With the writer's strikes and streaming.
People stop buying DVDs.
Half of your money was really linked to DVD sales
for your residuals.
First statement, I think the musicians and the writers
should get way more money, 1,000%.
But I also think it's a little simple to paint,
say Spotify and Apple Music as the bad guys,
because A, Spotify's not even profitable.
Like they had their first profitable quarter
last year or something, right?
So it's not like they have this big bag of money
that they're keeping.
This is really a call to fans,
which no one's gonna wanna hear.
You would have to pay 30 bucks a month
for these subscriptions so that the artists could get paid.
That's the part no one really wants to talk about.
And I feel always like we're kind of circling,
but if we don't get real about what the solution is,
it actually can't happen.
Because if people are not willing to pay,
again, if you're gonna watch my movie for free
and you want my movie for free all the time,
whose fault is that?
So I do think if people really care about artists and they really care
about the writers of the music, it's not just the Goliath streamers.
It's ultimately the customer base that is willing or not willing to pay.
I listened to a ton of music on the iTunes model era where I had to buy one for
99 cents.
I was spending 45 bucks a month buying music cause I love it.
And I was like, yeah, I'll do it.
Cause I want this fucking song so bad. And now all of a sudden I'm like, yeah, I'll do it because I want this fucking song so bad.
And now all of a sudden I'm like, no,
I don't want to pay more than 9.99,
I want every song ever written all the time.
In my pocket.
Yes, we're really critical,
we're not really taking a ton of responsibility
on the fan side and on the consumer side,
and a little bit of it is us.
Everyone could be criticized,
but I'm not really just pointing a laser at DSPs
like Spotify or Apple.
They've been great partners to me and activations and play listing and all this stuff, getting my
music heard. They just help your tour business. That's all they can do really, right? Yeah,
but I think this is a much longer conversation and I'm probably not the most educated person to
speak on it. But if we want to really have the conversation in the music side, labels are taking
the lion's share. Okay, good.
Of what's profited from the stream.
That's a bigger conversation
when people are signing record deals
is you guys are taking a huge chunk of this.
By the time it gets to the artist,
if they're a writer on the song or to the songwriters
who wrote the song back in Nashville or LA,
it's been whittled down to like 0.0000.
So everyone's culpable.
Everyone needs to get together collectively and everyone'sled down to like 0.0000. So everyone's culpable. Everyone needs to get together collectively
and everyone's gonna have to give some.
The labels are very, very ignorant on this world.
What do they do?
Do they pay for the production of the music?
They own the recording, correct?
Generally. Yeah, they own the masters.
Why do they own the recording?
That's my whole thing.
They're paying for like the studio time, production fees,
paying the musicians, paying for the photo shoot,
getting it distributed.
If they're signing someone off TikTok
that maybe already either made this in their bedroom
and it's ready to go,
I would advise artists like that
that have already done their production
to be not signing away their masters.
You should be just doing a distribution deal then.
Exactly.
Everyone has a different kind of deal now.
And you're right in the old paradigm
where it's like you needed a label to,
A, pay for a really great recording
with they're gonna bring in the producer
that's a lot of money.
They're gonna bring in the songwriter, right?
So they have a ton of upfront-
And promo marketing.
That's what's really changed.
It used to be they really did have to spend millions
to get you everywhere and all these backroom deals
with the radio stations to play your song.
But their cause there
has completely collapsed.
They're not even signing anyone
that doesn't already have kind of a following.
Like even you had two and a half million streams
in a month finally when we get to the point
where you put out five songs on Spotify.
Before you get signed as a performer,
you've already shown that there's an audience for you.
We're skipping a step though, let's get to the part.
I'm sorry, I went too far ahead.
You write my church during this period
of writing for other people, and I love this,
or at least I'm assuming this,
you love it too much kind of to give it away.
Yeah, it was the first time that had ever happened to me
because I had written songs before that I was like,
I don't care about this one for me.
But I just didn't have the confidence either
to be the voice on the song.
I would sing the demo and my publisher would be like,
this is amazing, but no one's gonna sound like this.
And I was having like a real frustration of that
because that was gonna be my bread and butter.
I wanted to be a hit songwriter.
I wanted to have my number one party.
I wanted to like get in rooms with big artists
and be their buddy and just write their life.
And maybe I had too much to say for my own identity to fill in someone else's identity.
Too personal.
Yeah. And that was like an age thing,
a wisdom thing. I didn't have it yet.
And so when I wrote My Church,
I was actually out here in LA with my co-writer and producer,
Busby, who's now passed away sadly,
but he was just so encouraging and he was so genre bendy himself
because he had written a ton with country artists, but also he had massive songs with Shakira and
Pink out here. He was kind of the first in Nashville to really blend LA and Nashville
as a producer. That was 2014-15. I don't know, Busby, but when I was learning about you,
I then learned about Busby. And when I saw that he died at 43, what happened? And brain cancer at 43 is so fucking heartbreaking.
Respectfully to his widow, Jess, who I love,
and they're girls, they all moved to Nashville
when he passed away, so I'm glad they're with our community.
But he was extremely influential on me.
And a real champion, right?
He's like, you should be performing.
Yeah, he was like, dude, come on,
quit wasting everyone's time,
pretending you're not an artist because we need this now.
It was during a time in country music,
there were just no women on the radio
and there still kind of aren't,
but I was like, all right, let's do it.
My church just was the smoking gun, I guess.
I would be devastated if someone recorded this
and fucked it up.
Yeah.
I truly felt motherly towards it
because the demo was just so good.
And we actually never even re-recorded the vocals from the day we wrote it,
because I can't recreate this freshness.
Yeah, the emotion.
And like rasp and not quite knowing it yet.
There's just something special about Day of Demos.
Why do you want to write that song?
Does something precede that that also was quite real for you?
That song was born out of a lot of soul searching.
I was going through my first big breakup at the time
and I was out here and I felt really far away from Nashville
and all the drama of that.
And I was just able to be free.
And I still feel like that's the case even now.
When I come out here and write,
it's just so different from the stuff I get in Nashville.
Oh really?
I don't know what it is.
It's like out of sight, out of mind.
You're not encumbered by your real life.
Yeah, maybe so.
I get to be like a different Marin here.
That song, it was before Apple Music even existed.
So we put it on Spotify and then it sort of took off.
And then all of a sudden I was in a bidding war
with the labels in town that previously were passing on me.
Yeah.
There was one label president
that made me audition for him twice.
He didn't even come to the first one.
And the second one felt very like Tony Soprano.
He's just sitting on a couch, just like watching me perform.
Passed on me twice.
And I was just like, all right, fuck off.
These other two labels ended up putting their hats
in the ring.
And because of my church doing well on streaming,
I was able to leverage a pretty good deal
for a new artist.
At Columbia.
Yeah, less albums.
Some people are stuck in like five or six album deals.
Do you know how long that would take to make six albums?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Over a decade.
Over a decade.
So I was able to get a fairer deal for the age I was and the young artistry I was.
We skipped one thing that I think now is quite relevant because it is a pattern and it's
a good one to observe for people trying something,
which is you auditioned for American Idol,
for America's Got Talent, for The Voice,
for Nashville Star, every one of those rejected.
Oh, I'm very well versed in rejection.
Does part of that inform I'm just gonna be a writer?
Yeah, that's a good point.
Those were all when I was a teenager.
Being told no that many times, I was like,
maybe I just don't have it.
Maybe I just need to be a writer
and I'm gonna put all of my energy
on being the best songwriter.
I'm gonna figure it out like a science.
I kind of did.
And now when those shows come around
and people are auditioning with my songs on them,
it is like sweet revenge, I must say.
It feels so good. It does like sweet revenge, I must say. It feels so good.
It does.
Yeah, I would love that.
And I've had friends that have gone pretty far
on those shows.
All the respect in the world to them.
I'm so glad I didn't go far.
Not that it's cringe, but it's just too much too soon.
Yeah, it's a lot.
It's like if you're a new drag queen
and you immediately get on RuPaul's Drag Race.
Thrown in the deep end. I need to go through the ugly drag phase. I feel like Alaska
Thunderfuck has talked about this. I miss ugly drag when it's just bad before it gets good
Yeah, that's like same with artistry. Everything is so accessible now with a tick-tock. I love tick-tock
I'm more of like a passive follower of that platform
But I am so glad people didn't have to see on a large, worldly scale
my shitty phases.
I would've gone into American Idol going like,
well I've got this because most of the people
I see on the show haven't been performing for four years.
They haven't put out three albums.
I would've gone in really quite bullish
and then when I got rejected, I would've been like,
there's a lot of dissonance here between what I thought
was gonna happen and what happened.
It's also television, so they're looking not just for talent, there's a lot of dissonance here between what I thought was gonna happen and what happened. It's also television.
So they're looking not just for talent.
It's sort of like a scream-a-thon and I'm not the belter.
I think sometimes that's what gets their ear there.
And then also they're looking for like a story.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, a big time.
Like who's more traumatic because we're gonna like
make a four minute package on this person
and they're also trauma.
You gotta be rooting for them at the end of that.
But that's easy to see in retrospect,
but when you're in it and people are saying no to you
over and over and over again,
yeah, there's no way at that age, maybe any age,
but at that age that you aren't affected by that.
Yeah, I auditioned in the cattle call stadium audition
for American Idol where you're not seeing the three judges
because there's 20,000 entries.
So they have to weed through us all.
And you just get 10 seconds to sing
for some like 22 year old producer.
I sang Sweet Thing by Shaka Khan
and that's still my karaoke song.
Oh, sweet thing.
Yeah, I love it.
And I really did a great job.
I can honestly say that.
Go ahead, I'll let you sing it. I will love you anyway. Yeah, I love it. And I really did a great job. I can honestly say that. Go ahead, I'll let you sing it.
I will love you anyway.
Yeah, anyways.
Even if you cannot stay.
Let's harmonize.
I'm the worst singer in the world
and I live with three great singers.
It's extra cruel.
Okay, so when you're 26, you're now signed at Columbia
and then my church comes out and you win a Grammy.
So again, talking about the highs and lows
and like the light switch for that song to come out
after just deciding I'm gonna give it a shot again
as a performer and then you win a Grammy.
Was that hard to accept and be present for
and believe even?
I don't think I processed any of it for like two years.
That whole next year was just insane.
It was turbo speed, Grammys. I'm performing, not just nominated.
I won, and then I won best new artist at the CMA awards, and I performed with the
McCrary sisters and the Prez Hall Jazz Band for my church.
It was just so iconic to me.
And then I wasn't expecting any awards, but then everything just happened.
And then we're doing SNL and it just didn't stop for two years and no one can process any of that.
Even at the age I was, I was like 26.
Imagine if I had been 19.
I'm glad I was at least like a little bit older
and knew who I was as an artist.
The night before the Grammy Awards,
they have the Clive Davis party
and all the new artists nominees play it.
And so you're like meeting Clive Davis
and you are performing with the Ricky Miner band.
That's Whitney's band.
And you're at the Beverly Hilton, it's just insane.
But I remember I was gonna sing my church
and I had my guitar and the show happens at Clive's
and it's lovely, but right in the front tables,
cause everyone's eating, it's like P Diddy and John Legend
and like all of these people.
And this is early 2017, a lot's happened since then.
Meaning you weren't terrified out of your mind
when you saw P Diddy sitting that close to you?
Well, I was for different reasons.
Yeah, I didn't know all the other stuff yet.
But there's obviously insecurity because you're like,
I'm this country bumpkin playing here tonight.
And then right after me is Chance the Rapper
because like he was up for best new artist.
Everyone seems so confident around you.
Yeah, I'm holding it together and I look amazing and I'm like my first Grammys.
I'm excited and everyone's just being so supportive.
But I remember I performed and the people gave me a standing ovation which was really sweet.
But like the only person that stood up at that front table was John Legend.
And I just felt like, I love you. Thank God.
I love you for life.
Yeah.
And do you feel like at this point though,
you believe that you deserve to be there
or do you still sometimes struggle with fraudulence?
Imposter syndrome.
I think I'll always have a healthy dose of that.
Not enough to be crippling,
but I still have stage fright in some ways too.
It's such an amplified version of myself on stage.
And I do after the first song just truly ascend and meet some sort of spirituality within it.
But there's always going to be a neurotic element to me.
I don't know if it's like a female diminishing myself thing, like make myself smaller.
I don't deserve to be here bullshit.
But yeah, I do struggle with am I enough to be here?
Was there a mistake? Yeah, exactly. I do struggle with, am I enough to be here? Was there a mistake?
Yeah, exactly.
I do wonder just personally,
because I struggle with that all the time.
Where I think everyone's just wondering,
why is she here?
Or why is she sitting there?
And sometimes it's true.
And no one's thinking that but you.
Well, when we were in India,
it's fair to say people were thinking that.
About me?
Us in India, when we were.
Oh, but that's different.
I mean, why are they here?
Objectively, it's an inappropriate question.
Well, that is why were we there?
I still don't know.
That's a different type of thing.
I mean, here, there's different phases of it,
but I've thought recently in the past couple weeks,
because we're now doing video and it's a whole thing,
and I'm like, man, I wonder what I'll have to do
in this life
before I feel like there's an answer for why I'm here.
Like you graduated finally.
Yeah, and maybe the answer is I can do everything
and I will still feel like that.
What I would argue is because it's a fear
and it's based in insecurity,
it's actually not tethered to reality.
It's like something you have to decide crazy enough. I mean, maybe some people like Gandhi level
will be just like, and now I've done it.
Now I can chill.
It's crazy the burden of work you feel like
you have to do on yourself to just check these boxes.
And then you're like, wait,
did I have to take up all these hobbies
and do this guided mushroom trip
to feel like I finally did the work on myself?
It's exhausting to be just okay.
Yeah.
It's just not be bad.
Yeah. Wait, before I forget, I have to tell you, we have met before.
Oh my God, good. Just tell me.
Okay. So it was the Super Bowl in Minneapolis.
I was sitting next to you with my ex-husband and you're with Andy Lassner.
Oh my God. Well, it would make sense I wouldn't remember because that was such a shot out of a
cannon, go to the Superbowl.
We were in Turks and Caicos and I got a call from the Ellen
team going, will you go to the Superbowl and do a thing with
Andy?
And I'm like, I'm in Turks and Caicos and I have shorts and
t-shirts and it's negative 30 degrees at that thing.
I'm like, you guys are going gonna have to have bought me clothes.
Do you remember all that?
I-
It was for chips though, wasn't it?
No, it was just for Ellen.
I was on Ellen so often.
Cause you also went though-
For chips, the next Super Bowl.
Got it, okay, okay.
But do you remember that you guys all flew home
and I then flew to Minneapolis.
And I showed up and I was wearing this virtually.
So you were freezing so you couldn't remember me.
No, it was like, go to the mall, play this game with this person. And then were freezing so you couldn't remember me. No, just it was like go to the mall,
play this game with this person,
and then we were filming stuff while we were there.
We're also weirdly in the front row.
Like it was so, the seats were too good for us.
That's so funny.
Now continue.
You were very nice.
Okay, good.
I'll set your mind at ease there.
No, you and Andy were so sweet.
And then I think you like bonded a little bit
in conversation with my ex-husband
who's from Michigan as well.
He's from Kalamazoo.
I think y'all talked about Shinola.
Oh, the watches.
The watches.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Yeah, okay.
Now I feel terrible.
No.
I'm relieved I was nice.
It was like 2018.
It was a long time ago.
I had just been on the beach like hours before.
You were lovely.
You were such a gentleman.
I just remember that night was so hilarious because we dipped out after halftime because
I get anxiety about traffic and the hotel that they had put us in was 30 minutes away.
And I just remember we watched the end of the game in the hotel bar and it was this
atrium of this not very nice hotel, but I just remember they had stuffed all the like
celebrities there. 2017, 2018, it was like Pete Davidson was there.
And we were sitting seats down at the bar from JB Smoove.
Oh, yes.
Fun guy.
Ryan, my ex and I are like massive Curb fans.
And he's with all his friends and we're like eavesdropping.
They're waiting because he has a Super Bowl commercial that they're waiting to watch live.
And I just remember he went to the bathroom
while he was in the bathroom,
it came on, on the hotel bar dates.
And his friends were hysterically laughing
and he finally came back after like 15 minutes
and he's like, yeah, they're all giving him shit.
And he's like, yeah, he's like, I missed all giving him shit. Is he sweating? Yeah, he's like, I miffed it.
Oh.
Oh.
It was just so memorable.
Oh, that's funny.
That was a good Super Bowl.
Well, then that's good then.
Okay, okay, okay.
Yeah, because when we first came in,
I introduced myself.
Nice to meet you.
And you said, nice to see you.
And I thought you were just big time me.
You meet so many people, you just gotta play it safe.
Maybe we have some evidence.
As it turns out, I was inadvertently big time you,
but I wasn't meaning to.
Okay, because we did have a guest on who claims
that I shoved her and her husband when we met.
You don't think it's true.
I don't think it's true.
But it's a he said, she said, and we'll never know.
I think for sure I put my hand up kind of a sitch,
but throwing a woman into a wall
seems a bit of a stretcher.
I don't think you threw her into the wall.
But maybe you accidentally kind of,
because you were so frazzled in that moment,
and I believe you were so frazzled in that moment, and I believe you were so frazzled in that moment,
hearing about the moment,
because you were in protection mode with Kristin.
Yeah, I'm sure I was aggressively telling people
they couldn't come into that.
Oh my God, my collar was up this whole time.
Rob, you're supposed to yell avocado.
Rob, oh.
Oh, Rob, you're so busy.
He's like, put a new lens on my camera.
You see how busy he's on my camera?
I didn't even clock it, though.
Maybe it's the stripes.
This is totally unrelated to anything
other than hurting someone.
Did I tell you about what I did to Delta the other day?
No.
Airlines?
Oh my God.
Daughter.
Oh, it was like Delta Airlines?
She loves when we fly Delta Airlines.
Yeah.
Yeah, she tells people this is my name.
We went to her older sister's barbecue at her new school.
She had to go to the bathroom,
so I took her to the bathroom
and then we were walking by the gymnasium
and there was basketballs in there.
So she's like, I wanna play.
Great, we've never done that.
So she's shooting, we're shooting.
At some point she gets under my legs
and I'm gonna fall on her and she's now on the ground.
She moves and then I'm trying to step out of the way.
I roll my ankle, just immediately like kink
and then I drop. And you guys, I way, I roll my ankle, just immediately like kink, and then I drop.
And you guys, I fell, I'm 200 pounds, she's nine.
I felt full weight on her chest.
Oh no. Oh no.
And she let out a squawk, she was like,
like, and I was like, oh my God, I've crushed my baby.
It was so terrible, almost worse than her getting crushed
as she got up, and of course she wanted mama me.
I was not gonna be able to comfort her.
I just almost killed her.
So she runs out of the gym
and there's all these women just watching.
That moment I was like, oh my God,
they think I'm a terrible dad.
That I got competitive or something playing basketball.
Oh no.
She was fine.
She told me 12 minutes later
she actually felt better having had it happened.
That was her conclusion after 12 minutes
and she got her cries out.
She was like, I actually feel better
than I did before that happened.
I was like, okay, thank God, my ankle's swelling up.
Interesting.
Oh no, that's scary.
Okay, fast forwarding.
You win all those things, you go on tour really quickly
with Keith Ehrman.
So these are big shows, right?
We were a little spoiled at being our first tour
because Keith is so amazing
and his tour machine is so well oiled.
He is like the best catering.
So we're just like, that's where he spent 80% of your day is just in catering.
Yeah, a million about.
It was an amazing master class every night just watching him entertain and so kind.
I also kind of learned how to be like a boss on the road from Keith and the way he would
treat his employees and the way his sort of hierarchy was set up.
I just remember he got like a snow cone truck for us
one day because it was hot out, giant blow up water slide.
Just really nice.
Keeping morale good.
Yeah, super generous.
Yeah, because I'd imagine the first part of the tour
was really, really fun and then I would imagine
you enter some doldrums where it's just like everyone's like,
how many more shows do we have?
How many have we played?
Yeah, I think morale, well, sorry,
I keep talking about the food.
Catering keeps people healthy and the morale high
if you look forward to something.
Because the show is 90 minutes of your day.
Well, not for me, I was like playing 20 minutes opening,
but it's something I took with me in my own way,
opening for him.
Yeah, when you get approached by Zed and Gray
to do the middle,
now this is where I enter your life in a big, big way.
Yeah, sure.
And in fact-
A lot of people did that song.
My kids were old enough at that point
that it was our first family favorite song.
Where it was like everyone in the car
wants to hear the same song.
And then also one of my favorite memories,
Monica, I remember being in Austin.
Yeah, it was like the theme song to our Austin trip,
which was one of our first live shows.
And one of our favorite trips.
And I remember being in the car, just blasting.
One of the few times you hear Monica singing
at the top of her lungs in the backseat.
Yeah, it's a good song.
It's a singable song.
Yeah.
So good.
Something's in it.
When they approached you, were you immediately game
or were you hesitant
because you wanted to be writing your own stuff?
I was game because I'd already proven myself
as a songwriter, winning awards for songwriting,
having number ones as the writer.
I had checked that off the list
and I felt secure in myself in that way,
but I was on vacation and it was his management,
I think, that reached out to mine
and sent this demo of the middle.
So I'm listening to it on the beach
through my phone speaker, and I hear this woman's voice singing it and I was like who the hell is this because they should be
recording this not me. And it was Sarah Ahrens the writer of the song and she's just a badass
and has become like a friend and collaborator of mine over the years since The Middle but she's
such an amazing singer and we actually have very similar tones lower alto raspypy. If you played it side by side,
I still think hers is better.
But yeah, I heard it and I was like,
yeah, when I get home, I'm addicted to this demo.
I would love to do like a scratch vocal for it.
Then it was told to me,
well, you're not the only one that they've approached.
And I'm like a little butthurt.
You're a little comp.
Well, yeah, because at this point,
I hadn't really broken into any walls of pop music.
I was just having a moment in country music.
And yeah, I had done all genre things like the Grammys and SNL, but I'd never done anything
in pop radio.
So my ego is like, what?
I have to audition for this song?
Yeah.
What the hell?
Yeah.
I have a Grammy.
I was like immediately going there.
I already did.
I already proven myself.
My manager, Janet, she was like, this is just such a different world, Maren.
This is not you being the best songwriter or having this claim over it.
She's like, do you love the song?
I was like, I do.
I had almost a similar feeling to My Church where I'd
be devastated if someone else was singing this.
In their defense a little bit,
maybe they are realizing what they're sitting on.
So we have this incredible song, as it proved to be.
And so yeah, we have these people that we think would be good,
but I'm gonna wanna hear it,
because I'm not gonna squander this.
I know we have something,
so I'm gonna wanna hear a few people do it.
There is actually like a really amazing YouTube video.
I don't know if they do this anymore,
but the New York Times has a thing called
Anatomy of a Song.
And Joe Coscarelli at the New York Times
interviewed all of us.
So like me, Zed, Sarah, Aarons, Monsters and Strangers,
like all the collaborators and how they found me.
Cause I hadn't heard the other audition demos
of other artists because they were way bigger artists
that did a version of the middle.
Is it true Angelina Jolie put a scratch track together?
Her leg did.
So that was sort of like all news to me
after I sent my scratch vocal demo in,
they were like, we went with someone else.
And I was like, oh shit, that sucks.
Well, moving on I guess.
So that was like December.
And then I think it was New Year's Eve.
I got a call from my manager and they were like,
they wanna use you now.
I was still a little, you already passed on me.
So what happened with the other artists?
She back out.
She's incarcerated.
Maybe something happened.
You're a little like, stop yanking my train.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, again, I had to be humbled and my manager is like,
listen, put your shit aside because this could be huge.
Good advice.
I know, because I was like, get out of your shit aside, because this could be huge. Good advice. I know, because I was like,
get out of your own head about this.
It works differently in pop than in country music.
So we're like, sure, let's do it.
Anton, Zed's gonna fly to Nashville.
We're gonna do like a proper vocal.
We did that, we've met finally.
He's so lovely and so professional and just savant.
A whole court case you had in your head
all went out the window once you met him.
Oh, neutralized.
Yeah, he was like, oh my God.
He thinks I'm not this.
And I'm, yeah, and you're like, oh, he's a nice guy.
I never met a DJ also.
I have no idea what to expect, but he was so sweet.
And we knocked the vocal out.
He flew back.
I think they sent us a mostly finalized version
of the song two days later.
And they were like, oh, by the way,
we have this giant brand deal with Target.
They want to do this massive music video with Dave Myers
and they want to premiere it at the Grammy Awards.
I always say it's like Josie and the Pussycats
where it's their number one in two weeks
and like they're famous overnight.
It'll never happen again.
Well, that's what I was gonna ask is you'd already had
a really good dose of attention and you won a Grammy
and you're touring
in front of a ton of people.
I would almost imagine that you couldn't have even thought
what this thing then becomes.
It was just like a whole other stratosphere of attention.
Yeah, I was touring with Niall Horan that year.
So we were doing international dates.
We were in South America for the first time.
We were in Australia, New Zealand, and the States. And so I'm on this sort of pop tour,
not a country artist I'm opening for,
and I have this massive pop song going on simultaneously.
And you just see the trajectory with each show,
people freaking out when that song kicks in.
And I was hearing it in taxicabs in Buenos Aires.
Everywhere, everywhere.
And Taylor invites you to come sing it with her
in Arlington, Texas.
Did you know her before that?
We had never met before that.
So that song also gets you on stage with Taylor.
Yeah, and she was so kind to let me come out
at my hometown show,
because it was like Cowboy Stadium,
and my family and friends,
they all from high school got to come out
and watch this moment, and the song for sure changed my life.
Speaking of the Dallas Cowboys,
did you watch the cheerleader doc?
Wow, we loved it, we were obsessed.
It is, it was really hard to watch too.
Psychologically, there's a lot going on.
Yeah.
It's rich, it's a dense.
It is rich.
Yeah, a lot happened.
It's rich, I was left feeling really sad. Yeah, what did you feel? It's just crazy It's a dance. It is rich. Yeah, a lot of it. It's rich.
I was left feeling really sad.
Yeah, what did you feel?
It's just crazy,
because I'm in awe of these women.
They're so beautiful.
They're so like athletic.
They're so hardworking and kind.
And you just see when they don't get it,
how much it hurts.
Something so stupid and trivial.
Your kick isn't high enough.
Also, I have no expertise in this realm.
I can't dance for shit.
But like the girl that was slightly too short, I was like, what the fuck?
Ari, I know that one's her.
Yeah, because that one's really her.
You can't outperform that.
And there's not a height requirement.
Well, that's the thing.
And I kind of see the pickle here
because I think they do need a height requirement.
If they need it to look a certain way,
then they need a height requirement.
But I think in 2024, it's hard to do that.
Maybe you can't.
Couldn't they have put her at the end?
Yeah, she was great too.
I mean, I-
Couldn't they have put her in platform shoes?
Yeah, put a little Lucchese platform in the boot.
But you know, it's also life sometimes.
You're too short.
Sometimes you're too short, I can relate.
It was heartbreaking,
but I did choose to believe the people.
It would be easy for me on the outside.
That's not my priority or my interest to go like,
this is ridiculous that they care this much.
But I listened to the testimonials and like,
that's the best three years of my life.
I believe you.
I'm not in a position to say
what is a worthy or not worthy pursuit.
But I had to keep reminding myself of that.
Don't get kind of judgy of this. It was tempting for me to get judgy of the whole thing.
But I kept going like, that's their podcast.
That's their acting.
And that's great.
There's no hierarchy.
I guess I didn't realize most of them have jobs.
Yeah.
I know.
I thought they had to just be cheerleaders
for three years or however long until they like retire.
And then they have to go back and go to school or get a job.
It was crazy.
The one woman was an orthodontist.
Yeah, that was the craziest.
Yes.
You are a literal doctor.
Her only Indian offering.
I know.
Of course she was an orthodontist.
Oh my gosh, she was so beautiful
and just such a bad ass.
Phenomenal dancer.
And then had to like stop middle of putting braces on
to go practice her routine.
She would have been my first pick
if I was casting that team.
Yes, she was great.
I know.
Yeah, she was awesome.
We'll turn it in.
Couldn't not watch her, which isn't at the point.
Oh no.
You remember the white girl's name.
I knew it, I knew it.
Well, now we're understanding that you identify
more as being short than Indian.
That's probably, no, I mean, I obviously was
majorly identifying and feeling a lot of feelings
watching her.
Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.
Hold on, back to the advice that your manager gave you.
Do you ever struggle with this?
That would be getting in your own way, right?
If you were like, fuck them.
But it's hard.
They didn't respect me.
Yeah, I did respect.
When you started saying the word respect.
Except that's a reality too.
And it's when do you know when you're getting
in your own way versus when you are getting taken advantage
over when you should stand up for yourself
or demand respect.
This is such a hard line to walk.
There's an answer in movies and it was given to me
by a lawyer,
and I really am grateful that they told me this.
You have to minimally be honest about,
does the movie need me, or do I need the movie?
And that can be answered if you're objective.
And to be honest, you're great.
You did the perfect job.
Also, the song didn't need you per se.
The song could have probably worked
with a few other people.
By the way, that's been the case
in many of the movies I've done where it's like,
the movie doesn't need Dax Shepard.
Hopefully Dax Shepard can make the movie better,
but the movie's gonna be good without me or with me.
And I think there are times when it's like,
there's no song unless I join.
And those are the times when you're allowed to feel that way.
And there's other times where like, yeah, this movie doesn't work if it's not me.
And I think that's what you're trying to figure out in life.
Does this job need me or do I need this job?
Well, I think that's the ego thing too, where it's like,
I don't want to come across as desperate for anything
because people can smell that.
Stinky too. We don't like it. It's like, ugh, it's desperation.
And my pride is too big to even do that.
So it's like, get out of your own way. the air. And my pride is too big to even do that.
So it's like, get out of your own way.
Thank God I have people around me to truly guide me
and pull me back when I'm going too far.
Do you know when I've suffered from that
and I've struggled with it, which I have so many times.
Like I've had to go audition for things.
I'm like, get the fuck, go watch the 30 movies.
Do you know if I can do this or not?
Go watch Punk'd.
Thank you.
You probably need to watch a few more things
before you cast me. But what's really going on for me is
I hated having to prove myself.
It was very hard for me to do.
It took nine years.
And so I told myself finally I'm over that thing
and it'll be easy.
So what really happened is I set an expectation
that was probably unrealistic.
Like, okay, I'm finally past that part that was so painful.
And then when I learned like, no, no,
you're still gonna have to do that.
I'm like, I had this all mapped out
and that wasn't part of it.
And it's the discomfort for me of having an expectation
that then the outcomes different.
I know what I'm great at
and what other people are probably better for.
I'm okay with that because I've really had a huge 180 in my life in the last two years.
I switched labels, so I'm not on the Nashville, Columbia. I'm on New York now.
So retooling sort of this genre shift kind of away from country and more so like in every realm
genre-less space has been really tough, but necessary and scary.
Just to walk away from something that I built for so long.
I didn't fit it anymore, it didn't fit me.
And then on the personal life level, getting divorced.
Because you guys were together for what, eight years?
Yeah.
That's a long time.
Yeah.
That's a very destabilizing transition.
Yeah, I mean, we're getting it together,
but the co-parenting thing has been going well
and we're trying our best in this way,
but it's still pretty fresh.
And then I have just been so deeply creative the last year
because probably of all this transition and like-
You've got a lot of good fodder.
Yeah, I know, there's a lot to write about.
But like a freedom too.
I don't have to serve this machine
of what I think country music was
or what it expected me to be.
Like I can just do my thing now.
I am lucky I have the freedom and fan base to carry with me through that.
But now it's like, the sky's the limit.
Where do we go from here?
Yeah.
But I also know when I have to say no sometimes to opportunities because
I don't want to be gone all the time.
I don't want to be touring 280 days a year.
Like, I want to be home. I want to be a good mom and also have a social life. Because then I really don't have be gone all the time. I don't wanna be touring 280 days a year. Like I want to be home.
I wanna be a good mom and also have a social life
because then I really don't have anything to write about.
Right.
If I'm not going through the shit show of dating,
there is no album.
Yeah. Right.
The well has to be filled in that way.
This will be the first time I ever try to do this.
Sometimes I try to do it with just Monica and I
where on the count of three,
we say who the person most reminds you of, but I have a hunch that we'll be tried to do this. Sometimes I try to do it with just Monica and I, where on the count of three, we say who the person most reminds you of.
But I have a hunch that we'll be able to do it
with all three of us and get the same answer.
So this is basically a question of who do people tell you
that you remind them of the most?
Do you have a go-to?
Well, don't say it though.
I'm just wondering if you get told somebody more often
than another person.
Are we talking like looks or vibes?
Just whole thing.
Okay.
Okay.
I have a vibe one.
It's not really a look one, but I'll still say it.
Okay.
Okay.
One, two, three, Selena Gomez.
Oh!
What were you gonna say?
I was gonna say Alison Roman.
I love, well I love both of them,
but I loved your, I loved the Alison Roman conversation. Who did you say? I didn gonna say Allison Roman. I love, well I love both of them, but I loved your, I loved the Allison Roman conversation.
Who did you say?
I didn't say anyone.
I was gonna say Adele.
I hope I'm not funny enough.
Michael Jordan.
I can see that.
I can see that.
You would agree that the voice,
you already described it, the raspy.
Also just, we're both Texans.
Yeah, and she's cool.
But Allison is such a cool, self-assured.
I think we could swap you out in a scene
of murderers in the building.
If it was wide, I think we could get away with it.
Be her older sister.
Are you older than her?
I'm 34.
I'm 34.
I'm 34.
I'm 34 years old.
She's younger than that.
Yeah, I feel like she is.
Is she?
Selena Gomez.
32.
Oh, she's drastically younger. We're good. And when's. Is she? Selena Gomez. 32. Oh, she's drastically.
We're good.
And when's her birthday?
July 22nd, 92.
Cause you're April?
I'm April.
And she's July, okay.
Alison became my COVID obsession.
Obsessed.
What's your favorite recipe?
Have you made one that you go back to?
The one I can do without looking at it anymore
is the Big Ziti.
Oh yeah.
That's a good one.
That's a good one. Yeah, she has so many good ones.
I wanna go to her little store in,
is it like Upstate New York?
Oh me too.
She posts about it all the time and I'm always jealous
cause I can't go.
I'll never be in the area.
Exactly, I'll never be there.
It's like not in New York, it's not in LA.
But anyway, I loved y'all's conversation with her.
Me too, mostly made me so happy for Monica.
It was a very vulnerable conversation for her.
So that was really sweet.
And she gave us that.
And she thanked Monica for being one of the only people
in public that was still claiming her love for her
during her canceled phase.
And I was like, that's right, girl,
you stick up for people and I like you.
Yeah, I'm loyal.
Yeah, for better or worse.
People make mistakes.
The only other song I wanna ask you about
before we talk about the new stuff is The Bones
because it's so interesting to go to your Spotify thing
and look at the downloads and which ones are big.
And your version of The Bones is the biggest,
but also the other version is also quite big
and in the top five.
How does one get the idea to release one version
then at some point go like, you know what?
Let's also do this again right now as a duet.
How did that happen?
So with Hozier, who I've obviously been a fan of
for a decade now, he's also on Columbia.
My friend Rachel, who's actually in my band,
used to tour with him.
He kind of goes away when he's making records for years,
and then he'll come back and tour for like three years,
and then he'll leave for five to make a record.
Kind of like Adele.
But I think they were on tour, and I was touring my second record.
The Bones was now a single.
Rachel, my friend, was on the bus with the whole band of his and him and was just like,
Andrew is humming this song of yours.
I just had to let you know he's a fan of it.
How flattering, huh?
I know. That was years ago now,
but we just reached out and was like, hey, this song's already on the radio,
but the label would love to have a different version of it.
We're trying to push it to number one.
And at the last second labels will be like,
let's do like a feature or something.
Just get some excitement at the home stretch, if you will.
So he kindly obliged and put a vocal on the second verse
and just did some amazing like harmonies and ad-libs,
the rest of the song and just truly elevated it
in a way that I hadn't imagined it could be. Both are really great. Yeah, I really love the original one too.
Yeah, I don't think one's superior. It's kind of cool that they can both exist at the same time
and be really great. Yeah. And be different. I think it was after COVID when we were finally
able to tour again because I hadn't even gotten to really understand or receive the love of that song live because it went number one in April of 2020.
Oh man.
So I was like, well,
nyeh, wah, wah.
Mm.
So you've never performed it with him?
I have now several times,
but we did the Hollywood Bowl and he came out
and we sang it.
I say this all the time.
The Hollywood Bowl is the most magic offering
we have in Los Angeles.
Yeah. Do you love the bowl?
I do.
Or is it not good to perform at?
No, it's beautiful, sound is great,
especially for an outdoor.
But I love the Greek too.
I was about to say, there's something very special
about the Greek.
Greek rules.
He's just such a sweetheart.
And we just did this thing last year on CMT.
It's a show they've done for years called Crossroads,
where like two artists from different genres
will do a concert together.
Oh, cool.
So we like, of course did the bones,
but then we got to use each other's bands
and collaborate on other work.
But it's rare when you just like have an organic pairing.
Usually I feel like it's concocted in like a label test tube
where they're like, let's get this feature on.
But no, that was genuinely out of love
for each other's work.
Sorry, I have one more question about the actual business.
No more questions.
Okay, bye.
But since this is an expert episode,
when you said scratch lyric, what'd you say?
Scratch vocal.
What is that?
It's just a vocal that you try to sound good,
but you're not going in and comping it perfectly,
editing it to put all the best,
because for a vocal you do like 15 takes,
and then you copy and paste,
piece together the best air airy, whatever.
It's like super nuanced, but a scratch is usually a one take.
And it's a temp.
It's put on there generally by the writers.
So you know. Here's the vibe.
It'll obviously sound better if we go for it,
but I'm not gonna spend three hours
on a vocal that is temporary.
Even like for Frozen, Kristin will receive the music,
but it also have Bobby and Kristen singing her song
as a temp, just so that you know
what it's supposed to be doing.
Like a guide vocal, basically.
So for intermission, which is out now,
you worked with Antonoff?
Not on intermission.
Sorry.
No, no, I love Jack.
I worked with Jack last year.
On the bridge.
On the bridge, yeah.
And then I have a few songs that I haven't released yet
that I did with him in New York at Electric Lady
that I wanna put out.
But yeah, this EP, Intermission,
was the last like six months of life for me.
So it was really condensed song versions
of just everything that imploded in my life and changed.
That's why it's an EP is because it just happened
very quickly and I just wanted it out.
We talk about this a lot with people in memoirs.
And I don't know why I've never really thought to ask musicians about it,
which is you're in your bedroom, you're writing your memoir, you feel safe.
No one's there to talk about it.
And then you get to the stage where you're like, I guess I'm going to release this.
But then it weirdly invites like a face to face conversation about this thing
that you felt fine talking about
in your bedroom, but maybe not out in the world.
Are songs like that at all?
Like, of course you're gonna have to write what's going on
in your last six months in your songs,
but then do you feel like you're opening the door
to then have to discuss all the drama that created those?
Oh my God, it's like Taylor Swift's life.
Yeah.
Well, you know, she don't say you're talking
too much about anything.
But she's being asked nonstop about everything.
Well, right, I think people are sounding off
in the media or whatever,
but like she doesn't have to ever sit down.
I see, I see, yeah.
And actually have to talk about it,
which is her freedom.
Yeah, she and Beyonce have just reached a level of like,
we don't do interviews anymore.
You just receive my work.
Have your own cultural conversations about it.
Post and ghost.
Yeah. Yeah, post and ghost. Post and ghost. Yeah.
Post and ghost.
Post and ghost.
And obviously those are mammoths of the industry.
At this point, I love chatting.
I kind of like this version of the industry now.
Well, I've always loved chatting with people
and doing podcasts because I just talk about the songs
all day every day and that's usually what the press is
or has been.
But now, of course I love talking about my journey
and how we got here,
but I just love shooting this shit with people.
And I like seeing that side of my favorite people
because I've already liked their work.
And obviously people are discovering it too through this,
but I wanna hear weird stories.
I wanna feel like we could have a drink together.
That's where I'm at now,
because I can listen to your music all day.
That's great.
I'll support, I'll come to the show, I'll buy the shirt,
but I just wanna hear your weirdo stuff.
Yeah.
Yeah, learning.
Like what happens in the bedroom
when your partner's not there.
Apparently, yeah.
Now we know.
Or learning about the two toilets.
Meghan Trainor.
Meghan Trainor has two toilets.
Her and her husband have dueling toilets
next to each other.
And that's like an invention of hers.
So that if he's peeing, she's gotta pee.
That would be cool.
No, I think they're just side by side.
Side by side.
But again, what a lovely thing to learn.
That's so much more interesting
than probably anything else.
I thought the toilets would be like infinity symbol.
You're looking right here at the person.
Right.
With the infinity symbol, you'd be back to back.
I guess.
So the tanks would be touching.
That might be cool too.
It's kinda cute.
How's it going?
Cheek to cheek.
You know.
There might be some splashing.
Peeing, cheek to cheek.
I don't wanna hear any noises.
Yeah.
There better be a door, floor to ceiling.
Yeah, me too. Oh God, no, I could never have dueling toilets.
That's so funny.
So you don't mind, you can handle it,
but is there any song on intermission you're like,
I'm gonna put this out and they're gonna figure out
what I'm saying here and that's gonna be a whole thing.
I had to make a decision on, there's a song at the end
called This Is How a Woman Leaves
and I was a little bit nervous just to put that out,
not because it's untrue to me,
but because I'm not in the business of mal intent. I never write a song to like,
fuck someone over or hurt anyone. Get even.
Yeah. Well, that's not true. Maybe I've written a couple of songs about not my ex or anything,
but just like people that have scorned me. But at the end of the day, I can't control
people's perceptions of the song
that they're hearing of mine.
With this one, I could just picture a healing
that would happen live.
So if I'm writing the song and I can already envision it
live and just crying with strangers, when I go to shows
and I'm just a patron in the crowd,
the most special thing is just bonding
with a bunch of strangers
over a collective adoration or appreciation.
You're an instant in group.
Yeah.
Or even when you go to like the movies.
I went and saw Alien Romulus yesterday.
It's not a great example.
I keep hearing that's really good.
It was so good.
Yeah, I keep hearing that.
If you like the Alien franchise,
I was in deep lore, TikTok, Alien franchise last night.
I was like, I need all the conspiracy theories.
I know it's cliche, but we're going through life,
just like bags of water, and we just wanna feel things.
I go to the movies to feel things.
I like going alone.
I go to shows alone or with friends to feel things
next to strangers.
It's nice when it's collective.
Probably why people go to church.
For me, that's my church.
Yeah.
There you go.
Call back.
So this is a woman leaving is, again, from the outside,
I could go like, oh, this is you departing the country
genre, this is you departing a marriage,
but does it even matter?
Are they all the same?
It's a break in the act.
That's why I named it Intermission,
because there's more to come.
It's not the full book, but it's a chapter.
And I like EPs now because it's so much work
to make an album.
And by the time it's out, you have already processed
all of those feelings in the songs for the most part.
Maybe they can come back around and have new meaning,
but I liked this EP coming out as I was still
in the thick of it.
Because now when I perform it, I'm truly,
well, I don't know how much pain I'm causing myself
in the moment, but I'm feeling it as it's been written.
You're still there.
Yeah, I'm still there.
I'm also just not in a rush.
I'm dating again, or dating for the first time truly.
It's interesting.
Are you on Raya or one of these cool dating apps
for fancy people?
You are, you're afraid to answer.
Yeah, I am.
Yeah, can I look at your thing?
Oh, the profile?
Should we go through it?
Well, just, I wanna.
I'll get kicked off.
I wanna see who's on there.
Have you seen any friends?
I'm not asking you to name names,
but have you seen someone you're like,
wow, that's a big star that's on here?
Yeah.
Wow.
A few times it's kinda shocked me.
Wow.
And it makes me feel better too.
Yeah.
Because there's such a vulnerability of being like,
here's the buffet of options today that I'm a part of.
It made me feel better knowing this person was on there too.
But I would compare it to,
one of the things I've been most self-conscious about
since I've been recognizable,
is when I'm eating in a restaurant by myself,
and I notice many people are staring at me,
I think, God, they think I'm such a loser.
I start getting really self-conscious that they think,
like, I'm supposed to have a better thing going on
than being by myself at Fudd Rockers.
Oh, they're gonna say like Chipotle.
I was like, is it a chain?
Similar, yeah, I'm generally at a chain.
There's something vulnerable about eating at a chain.
Yeah, I love it though.
But like you picture, if you saw Hillary Clinton
at Taco Bell at a booth by herself,
you just fill in all this crazy stuff,
even though all the other booths
are full of one person eating.
But yeah, if you saw Hillary Clinton at Taco Bell,
you'd be like, what happened?
Well, that's how I wanna get to know a person,
is I wanna know Alison Roman's Taco Bell order.
Like, tell me all about your time, you know,
working for the New York Times, but I wanna know you.
I need to know what you're ordering at Taco Bell.
So then again, on the dating website
where people already are feeling a little embarrassed
or vulnerable.
Yeah.
Well, don't you think embarrassed is a fine word,
a real word?
I felt embarrassed until I saw that person on there
and I was like, wait, what?
I also didn't know she was into women.
I'll tell you after.
Oh, I can't wait.
But I didn't feel embarrassed after that.
I was like, oh, we're just people that are busy
and it's hard to meet people in this industry and line of work
if you're always traveling, touring, and adding the element of kids.
And it's tough to meet people.
You have to. This is how it's done.
It's not embarrassing. Objectively, it's not.
It's just how people date.
I just think if you were on like Bumble and you're Jennifer Aniston,
you're probably like, man, people are going to think, you know, I think it's harder.
It's about other people's perceptions.
It's not about you,
because obviously if you wanna be on there,
you wanna be on there to meet people,
but it's like, oh, it's a Taco Bell thing.
What are they gonna think about me?
Which is already a problem, right?
Because you know why you're there,
you're there because you're in between things
and you're at Taco Bell for 20 minutes,
and you know why.
Give my Baja blast, yeah.
Yeah, exactly, I like it here.
But as soon as you start.
It's a good place.
I love that we're like, sponsored by them
on this show.
We should.
We should reach out.
But yeah, immediately you get into the brain
of what everyone else is thinking.
Exactly.
And that's part of being a public person.
You're always aware of what other people are thinking.
In NIA, we say that's none of your business.
When someone thinks about you, it's know your business.
Yeah, exactly.
Nanya.
Okay, and then the last thing I just wanna bring up
is The Wild Robot because you did a song
for The Wild Robot, Kiss.
The Sky.
Kiss the Sky.
Kiss this guy.
And we love The Wild Robot in this house.
You do?
We love that book series so much.
And then we interviewed Lupita.
Oh, amazing.
And so we watched it and the girls watched it with me
and we were all crying and it was wonderful.
It's so sweet.
I love Roz so much.
I love that you got like an advanced screening.
This job has perks.
You know people.
I've never really done anything for a film before.
I've brought this up to other people.
It feels like so much pressure.
When I think about A Star is Born, I'm like, okay, so Gaga's gotta write a song
and it's gotta be a fucking hit.
Like the whole engine of the movie
is that they strike gold.
Yeah, right.
It has to be one of those, you know,
12 songs that transcends the movie in a way
that's impossible.
And I'm like, how does one sit down
knowing the weight of that's on their shoulders?
It seems much harder than writing a song for your album.
Oh, for sure, because it's like living in a universe
that's not your own.
It's a character, it's not you.
Which I guess is sort of like a nice exercise too
because a lot of my friends were the writers
of those Stars Born songs and I'm like,
oh well, I mean you just get to like be a different person
for the day and you're not writing really for Gaga,
you're writing for her character.
So it's almost maybe like acting.
But like doing the song.
You're playing in a new creative space.
Yeah, this is obviously a little bit different
because it's an animated film and it's not a musical.
It's just a song that's narrating a scene.
DreamWorks were great because they were like,
just write a song that you would love.
This is the scene that it's happening in
and that's all you need to know.
We were just like, let's write something that we enjoy.
And being a mom, it informed that scene more so,
but we got to see an early screening.
They were still animating a lot of it,
but they were like, we really need an end title sequence.
And I was like, okay.
And I'm glad that they showed us the film
because there was just silence when it cut to black.
And I was like, okay, what am I feeling right now?
What would I want to hear
as someone that loves going to the movies?
And so we wrote this other song for the film
that they ended up using as the credits.
That's kind of an honor.
That's a big moment and super emotional.
We're going to Toronto Tiff.
Oh fun.
That's my first time.
That's cool, your first premiere.
Yeah, and you know, with animated movies,
everything's so disconnected until it's out. Yes.
All the voice parts are done years before the editing
and animating.
No one's met each other.
Yeah, so it's kind of interesting.
It'll be fun.
I got to hear Pharrell get interviewed
by Adam Grant of all people.
Oh.
At this kind of live thing.
And he was asking him about Happy for Despicable Me.
That underrated bop.
That was like, I forget what number,
but I wanna say that was the ninth thing
he turned into them.
Whoa.
And that's Pharrell.
Yeah, oh, that's crazy.
And then back to the conversation of respect,
he said, cool, he wrote Happy and he got a mix
and he put it in his car and he drove around and he said,
I just couldn't stop listening to it.
And they rejected Happy.
And then he went to the president of the studio
and he said, look, I haven't really fought back
on any of these.
I'm asking you to listen to this in a very specific way.
I want you to listen to it in your car
and I want you to drive around.
And he did that for like an hour and then it's Happy.
But it's like, that's the magic.
Somehow they were correct eight times
and he was correct the one time.
It's like, how on earth do you advise somebody
to know that is tricky.
Well, like the person that rejected happy,
do you think they're just like shaking their boots?
They don't have a job.
Again, I don't think anyone's good or bad, right?
It's just once it hasn't happened eight times,
you yourself are in a panic state,
like we can't crack this.
By nine, I can't even imagine how you're listening.
The president was probably saved
having to even go down that path
where he could be very objective.
But yeah, once you've gone through eight,
I think everyone's probably just fucking pain in the ass.
You can't hear straight.
You can't hear happy and realize it's happy.
Yeah.
Oh my God, after like three submissions,
I'd be like, I'm not the one for the job.
Like clearly you need something else I can't figure out.
So good for him.
Yeah, totally.
I think it's like a really good story to know.
Even if you're Pharrell, which I can't think of anyone
that has a higher genius IQ for music currently alive.
Or just like ubiquitous presence in the music scene.
But do it nine times.
Everything deserves nine attempts.
That's right, that's the take away.
If you can't get it on the ninth,
you know, put your foot down.
The only other thing I wanted to say,
because I just think it's really, really funny,
Tucker Carlson called you a lunatic country music person.
And then you made shirts that said that and sold shirts.
I want that.
I think that's so funny.
I love that.
Tell me your size.
That's incredible.
It's kind of beautiful though,
because I'm from the South.
I've got a lot of conservative family members.
When he called me that,
it's sort of like you can talk shit about your own family,
but no one else can.
A lot of them stopped watching his show.
Yeah. It broke the Fox News spell.
Love that it took that.
That's a blessing in disguise.
They had to come out one of their own personally.
Yeah, and then you like-
That's how nice people are.
You don't understand it until it's you
or someone you love.
Well, everything's so worldly and distant
until you're like, oh my gosh,
this is a real person talking about my family member,
my daughter.
It changes things for sure, which sucks,
but also, hey, glad you arrived at the party finally.
But it's, I guess, an honor.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a bag of honor.
Well, Maren, I've enjoyed the hell out of this.
I've obviously gleaned throughout this interview
that you listen, which is so flattering.
Yeah, oh my gosh, I have been so looking forward to this.
I feel like I know you.
Oh.
And now I kind of do.
Now we do. You do.
We're all buddies.
We're gonna get some scoop after this.
Uh-huh. Can't wait.
Oh, I know, yeah.
We're gonna go to Taco Bell.
I can't wait.
But we'll sit at three different booths.
That's right.
Eating insecurely alone
while we think people are watching us.
It's a sight to see me talk about.
When I do go, which is very rare,
it's fucking on for the year.
I go, I'll eat 12 hard shell tacos.
Oh, yum.
I am hungry now. I am too.
We keep bringing, I keep bringing this up.
I need to go eat.
This was so nice and I'm so glad
that you guys are on video now.
It's so amazing to be able to just see you guys
come across my feed too.
You know, goody.
Along with being a listener.
Well, we adore you.
This was really fun.
And then I certainly won't make the mistake I made ever again.
We'll just remember you met me today.
We'll definitely remember that.
We sat for two hours and chatted, yeah.
All right, good luck with everything.
Everybody listen to Intermission and see the Wild Robot.
All are great.
Thank you.
Bye.
Bye.
Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.
Next up is the fact check.
I don't even care about facts.
I just wanna get in their pants.
Laura Mio.
Okay.
How do you say it?
I don't.
You refuse to say it?
There's so many letters in that olive oil brand.
I know.
Do you have it at home?
I do.
And so if anyone likes it and asks you about it,
what do you say?
Okay, let me see how to spell it.
Okay. Not a it. Okay.
Not a sponsor.
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah, I mean, I guess I would say.
Loud-a-me-o.
I would say, oh, it's loud.
Oh.
I would say, oh, it's, it's lot-a-me-o.
Lot-a-me-o.
Yeah.
A lot-a-me-o. Yeah, it's probably loud-. A lot of me-o. Yeah, it's probably a lot of me-o, yeah.
Yeah, I'm going with loud, like it's a loud olive oil,
and you're going with it's a lot of olive oil.
Sure.
Lot of me-o.
Both are correct.
Yes, a little goes a long way with a lot of me-o.
That should be their catchphrase.
I think they need a catchphrase
that is more telling of what it does.
You shouldn't cook with it. I mean, you can, but that's a waste. It's a catch phrase that is more telling of what it does. You shouldn't cook with it.
I mean, you can, but that's a waste.
It's a waste.
I'm glad you're saying that,
because I don't cook with it because I think it's a waste.
It's more of a topper, a drizzle, a dipper.
A garnish.
A dipping sauce.
Yeah, exactly.
A creamer.
Coffee creamer.
Before we keep going.
Launch in.
Yeah.
They're breaking news. Do you feel the earthquake this going. Launch in. Yeah. To breaking news.
Did you feel the earthquake this morning?
I did.
Yeah.
I did.
It was a long one, it was a long gentle guy.
Where we live, it wasn't too bad.
Where was it from?
Malibu.
Oh.
Because it was a five.
No way.
Yeah.
I got a few texts.
Oh, you.
Checking in.
Okay, family members.
Yeah, and Robbie.
Yeah, okay.
Oh, good.
I liked it because it was long and subtle.
And I feel, I really probably am not in a position
to say this authoritatively.
I've been in whatever now, 20 of them since I've lived here.
Yeah, they happen a lot.
30 years, probably more.
It does seem that you get a little warning.
Like you get a little, and then it builds, right?
And then it seems to peak out really soon into it.
And then the rest is just kind of, you know.
So it was like after the first tense-
It's a bell curve.
Yes, even more a ski slope.
Sure.
I agree.
And actually I got kind of cocky.
I was like, I can like hear earthquakes
before they happen.
But really I think everyone maybe can.
No, you know what's interesting?
Wow, I'm so glad you just said that.
I would have forgot to bring that point up.
I heard it before I felt it.
Yeah, but maybe everyone can.
But no, I bet the sound waves are moving
at 760 miles an hour.
And I doubt the quake moved from Malibu
out at 760 miles an hour.
It would happen instantaneously.
So I bet we did hear it.
But what I was gonna say is once that little peak happens,
10 seconds in, you're like, okay,
well the rest isn't gonna get worse.
Yeah, but you don't know.
You're hoping.
I feel confident that that's it.
Well, I got worried that that was like a preemie
and that there was gonna be like a big one soon.
A big boy.
Yeah.
Big baby.
Yeah, but never came.
It never came.
Anyways, I kind of enjoyed it and it was long.
I wanna say it was like a 30 second experience.
That's an exaggeration.
It was like 10.
That's it.
Yeah, think of it.
10 is actually long.
I'll count to 10.
Okay, but do with Mississippi's.
I was gonna do 1000s, but I'll do Mississippi's.
Okay.
What about Nebraska's?
No one does Nebraska.
No, cause that's not.
One Nebraska, two Nebraska.
Sounds like Nabisco, makes me want cookies.
Cookie boy.
Cookie boy.
Ding, ding, ding.
One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi,
four Mississippi, five Mississippi, six Mississippi,
yeah, you're right.
Yeah, it's long.
Yeah, you're right.
I think it was six seconds. Uh-uh, I think it was longer. It was one second. I think it was eight. Okay, so anyways, six, yeah you're right. Yeah, it's long. Yeah, you're right. I think it was six seconds.
Uh-uh, I think it was longer.
It was one second.
Okay, so anyways, I interrupted you.
I assume that might be what it was about.
Was there any destruction in Malibu?
Oh, I didn't look.
Okay.
Yeah.
No, I just was wondering if you noticed.
Wait, have you done more work?
This is every man's favorite question.
Oh.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Well, here's the things I noticed. Your hair is up. Mm-hmm. You have a pretty bow in. Thank you, it's favorite question. Well, here's the things I noticed.
Your hair is up.
You have a pretty bow in.
Thank you, it's a clip.
A clip?
Got that wrong.
But what's on top?
What are the rough things?
Yeah, there's a rose.
See how it's a rose.
Oh, I see it's a fabric made to look like a rose.
Susan Alexandra.
Okay, so hair is up and back,
face is on full display.
And I don't see, did anything change?
I will tell you this before you tell me.
You don't read comments.
Yes, I don't.
Or no, I don't.
The most consistent comment,
and I gotta say that I now relate to you a lot on this.
I think there's another thing we have in common.
People are like, wow, seeing Monica's face move
instead of just in photographs, she's so beautiful.
Like I think what's happening for people
who are watching the videos is they see the full,
the thing I always talk about.
They see my personality a little more.
Well, just, I don't, like any individual freeze frame
of my face, questionable.
But when it's blur, you, but when it's blur,
when I'm moving it fast, it works better.
It works better.
I'm best to keep it moving.
Okay.
Anyways, just across the board,
everyone's pretty thunderstruck with how beautiful you are
now that we're on video.
That's very sweet.
I'm not shocked.
Your hair is back, you got a bow.
What else is new, Monica?
I'm very buff.
Oh, you had your first training session?
Yeah, can you tell?
That would have been two days ago and then this morning?
Oh, um.
Oh no.
Oh no, okay.
Second appointment was already canceled.
Because my-
Because you got too buff on the first one?
Yeah. Okay.
No, because my car is in trouble.
Your Benz?
Yeah.
What's the matter?
It's the brake, it says I need it like brake pad situation.
Oh, okay.
Also the air is low and I know I can fix that.
I went to the gas station, it was out of order.
Sure, bring your car in here, I have a compressor.
Well now it's at Mercedes.
Oh okay, it's a big problem.
Well I also thought the brake,
if it says that they need to look at the brakes,
also it's time for a checkup.
Sure, time for your checkup.
Time for your checkup.
How did you know there was a brake issue?
It told me.
It said?
It said brake, and I was like,
oh, I guess that means my parking brake is on.
Sure, great first thought.
So then I was not texting and driving.
I stopped.
You pulled over.
I pulled over.
Yeah.
And then I looked up,
I actually looked up how to release the parking brake
cause I was like, oh, it must've done that accidentally.
I don't know how to do it.
Right.
I still don't really know how to use the car very well.
It doesn't automatically, yeah, it's okay. And then it showed me where the parking brake was. So I, don't know how to do it. I still don't really know how to use the car very well. Yeah, it's okay.
And then it showed me where the parking brake was,
so I tried to do it.
You probably turned it on at that point.
Yeah, I didn't do it,
because actually that says park.
It doesn't say brake.
So then I looked up what it meant,
and it said parking brake stuff,
and then when I got back in my car, it said it.
It said like check parking brake, or And then when I got back in my car, it said it, it said like check parking brake or something like that.
Check parking brake?
I mean, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, check brake pads.
Brake pads specifically.
Nope, I don't remember what it said.
Because what would be news to me
is that it has a brake wear indicator on it.
What would seem more likely is there was like an ABS issue,
which you know what ABS is?
Let me guess.
Anti-braking system.
Oh, okay.
Anti-lock brakes, ALB.
Yeah, but for whatever reason it's ABS.
It's Mercedes.
Well, no, everyone is ABS.
They love to make it fancy.
They are a sponsor, I hope.
Well, they should be, we love them.
Yeah, we've given them a lot of money.
They can give some back.
Anyways, you know, this was an invention in the 80s.
It's life-saving.
Normally you'd slam on your brakes, they'd lock.
Once your brakes, once the brakes are locked
and the tires are sliding, you can't steer.
Right.
And it stops stopping itself.
Right.
Sliding tires goes a lot farther than if they regain
traction. So it's this ingenious solution,
which is once it detects that it's locked,
the front wheels are moving at a different speed than the
rear wheels. It releases the brake,
let's it get traction again, then reapplies the brake.
And then if it breaks, it releases it.
And it does it like a million cycles in a minute.
You know, it's so fast,
but it's electronic
and that could easily go wrong.
Okay.
You don't have enough miles on your car
to have gone through a set of brake pads.
Do you know how many miles you're at?
You're in the teens still, right?
I don't know much.
I don't know, I bet you're barely in the teens.
I go to Santa Monica sometimes.
Oh, which is like maybe 19 miles as the crow flies.
So. Yeah, even when you maybe 19 miles as the crow flies.
Yeah, even when you're in there, even if you drove your car for hours a week in LA,
you've really probably only gone 90 miles
because the traffic's so shitty.
Yeah, it's true.
Anywho.
My goodness, you love.
Talking about car stuff.
Yeah, it's really nice.
Well, I always lose you.
I mean, yeah, I stopped listening,
but I think it's nice that you like something so much
and you know so much about it.
That's great.
What do you think's under it?
I think I know the appeal of it.
Okay, that's good.
Is like maybe because cars don't have emotions.
Yeah.
When there's a problem, there's always a solution.
Like if you understand how it works,
you can understand why it's not working
and it can be fixed.
Right.
I kind of feel like that's the appeal of it.
Yeah, I mean, you like knowing how things work.
I do that. In general.
Sure, sure.
And so that's probably connected.
You like knowing.
This is a first too.
I'm definitely cutting that.
You sure? Yeah.
Some people say I look hot when I blow my nose.
Who says that? No one ever cutting that. You sure? Yeah. Some people say I look hot when I blow my nose. Who says that?
No one ever says that.
Do you think?
The reason I said that is because I've never left it in ever.
So there's no way anyone could have possibly seen it.
Well, I blow my nose in public a lot.
Oh, and people are like, oh my God, sir.
Oh my God, will you blow your nose again?
You are so attracted when you do that.
You are so, would you mind blowing your nose again?
You are so attractive.
I was sitting next to you for the last six miles
on this bus and it was not until you blew your nose
where I thought you are so attractive.
Ooh, I wonder if there is anything like that.
Blows nose blowing fetish for certain.
Oh, well for sure that, but I mean like something,
a little tick or something that somebody does.
Like I wonder if there's anything I do
that you could be sitting by me for a long time
and not notice and then I do like one thing
and then I'm noticeable.
You do a lot of weird mouth and tongue stuff.
I've been noticing that.
Well, I shouldn't have even said weird.
You do a lot of interesting
and this is what we learned to switch in India
for me to say that's interesting.
Instead of weird. Again, then this goes back me to say that's interesting. Instead of weird.
Again, then this goes back to the fact
that I was aspiring to be weird,
so weird means very positive.
So, okay, so you do a lot of interesting
mouth, lips, and tongue thinking.
Right.
You know, like some people,
they clue that they're thinking in certain ways.
They'll raise an eyebrow.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Well, as we established, I do a lot of face acting. Yeah, you're a great face actor. They'll raise an eyebrow. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll blow their nose.
Well, as we established, I do a lot of face acting.
Yeah, you're a great face actor.
So yeah, that could happen.
Someone could be like,
oh, I love this playful thing you do
with your mouth while you're thinking.
Or they might be like.
Are you available for dinner?
My name is Kenneth.
That'd be great.
Oh my God, hi.
I didn't recognize you
because you keep changing your face.
Like you keep getting face transplant.
Every six months.
Wow, wow.
Wow.
Good for you.
A lot of people just, their face rejects,
their head rejects faces.
Like some kidney transplant people.
That's me.
So I get about six months out of a transplant
and then it gets gangris.
Oh, okay.
Well, I'm busy.
Because of the gangris face transplant?
No, I just have a lot going on in my life.
I didn't think you were that shallow.
I have a lot going on in my life.
Okay, you got a lot of car issues you're dealing with.
Call me when that's all sorted out.
Anyways, back to your car.
There's no way you don't need new brake pads.
Okay, well, that's fine.
It's at the shop.
Okay, I'd like to interface with that one they call.
I'm nervous about what that is.
But I also need like an oil change and a regular, it's time.
Yeah, and what are we doing about that door?
I've hired Ana's brother to help me out.
Okay.
Who I was just with for the last two days.
Yeah, I know, cause I asked him to do some stuff
and he couldn't.
Oh, okay.
It's just like a couple things here and there.
I'm so sorry, I must interrupt.
Would you, this is fun.
Okay.
He's so cute.
And he's your friend's so cute. Mm-hmm.
And he's your friend's little brother.
Yeah, are you about to ask if I'm attracted?
Yeah, I am.
I was kind of with him for two days
and I'm like, he is so cute.
He's very cute and he's charming,
but he's a little brother.
It's hard, I can't be attracted to someone's little brother
who's my friend.
And that's great.
I think some people have a pattern of being attracted to their friend's little brothers. I think that's my friend. And that's great. I think some people have a pattern
of being attracted to their friend's little brothers.
I think that's a thing. Really?
Well, I know a lot of little brothers
that had a lot of good offerings
from having an older sister.
Because I think this is how it happens.
Your guard is down.
Sure.
This is the same reason why I have this theory
about a couple different guys.
They've been on the show and I've suggested this to them.
They seem so safe that they're very disarming
and people will just kind of wake up in their bed
and they're like, what happened?
I wasn't even, I didn't have my guard up.
So I think you enter into,
you are in a position of feeling powerful
and kind of above hierarchical.
So you're confident and they're cute and they're safe
because they're younger than you
and they feel more innocent.
And if you're someone that's spooked easily,
I could see where that's a thing.
Okay, I could see that too.
But we've already talked about,
I'm not crazy about little brothers.
Right, well this is new.
We have talked about it, but just as of like four weeks ago.
It's not even, that's not right.
You introduced me to Little Brother energy.
Yeah.
And you said I had it.
I didn't say you had it.
You said you were a little brother.
And I said, it's not just being,
you can have Little Brother energy
and not be a Little Brother.
It's a trying very hard, okay, you can sometimes dip in.
Yes, because you had a specific example.
I did?
Yeah, I can't remember exactly what it was,
but I was doing something
and you said this is very little brother energy.
But my main example is Rhode Island.
Rhode Island is little brother energy.
The state.
Yes.
It's always wanting to be-
I almost said the country.
I know, no one knows what it is really.
And it-
No one knows.
It is the, yeah, it wants badly
to get the approval of New York.
Well, no, I don't think that's right.
And other places nearby.
Boston is its sister city.
Other places, all the places nearby.
Now I have a different read on Rhode Island.
Okay.
The country and the state.
Is it Pizzeria Little Brother?
Maybe.
Yeah, maybe.
Oh God, okay.
Because Providence, Boston's its little,
it's big brother.
Okay.
And Boston had all this infamous mafia.
Yeah.
Whitey Bulger, that whole scene.
Yeah.
And Providence, they had their own criminal scene
and it got really out of control
and they kind of overperformed.
No, that's the problem.
They like, they wanted also to be mafia.
That's the thing, the little brother sometimes can become
bigger than the big brother.
That's what happened to me.
I grew bigger than my big brother.
But it's trying too hard.
It's trying too hard, okay.
Okay, anyway.
Live show in Providence, to mend this fence.
I love our Rhode Island listeners.
Yes, you just don't like the energy
of their state or country.
That's right.
Yeah, yeah.
We put so many, we left a lot of trails.
Breadcrumbs.
The door.
The door.
Juan Cho, while I was gone, he took it there.
He took it to Mercedes to have a look at it.
They said, it's gonna be $10,000.
No.
So I said no.
Yeah, yeah, good.
Yeah, I was like, that's not true.
And so we'll find another place.
I have a body shop guy.
Okay.
Who will do it on the cheap.
Okay, thank you.
It won't be great.
Okay.
But I've had mine done twice there.
At some point, if you know you're gonna be scratching
into shit and you're not gonna have a fucking.
Perfect car.
A car show level car, like who cares?
Yeah.
Like Kenny came out and looked at my Benz
and he went to school for auto body.
Ken Kennedy.
He did?
Yes, he went to Ferris State for auto body.
He and six classmates were driving home
in a van or a station wagon on icy roads.
The driver lost control of the car.
They rolled the car out into the median.
It landed on its wheels.
They all had their tools with them.
And they all got out and started pulling dents out
and fixing the window.
And there were six guys that were majoring in auto body
on the side of the road.
And they just kind of repaired the car. And they got back on the road and drove home.
How funny is that?
That's great.
Yeah, I don't even know in analogy
that would be more perfect than that.
But Kenny.
But Kenny, he looked at the car.
One second, I would have never picked this up.
The indicators on back that tell you
if you're getting too close to something,
the little radar devices, they're black, they stay black.
Well, when this person painted my bumper,
they just blasted over those.
It still works, the radar goes through the paint.
But he's like, oh, you had this repainted.
They didn't mask off that.
Yeah, he turned his nose up at it,
which he always does with all my stuff.
He's very meticulous and you can't make him happy
and I'll love him.
Well, that's why he's so big brother.
That's why he's Ken Kennedy.
He's so big brother.
Well, he's first born.
Exactly.
I would love for him to come over and fix my car.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You don't.
If it was 10 grand at the Mercedes dealer,
it would be 25 if Kenny did it.
Cause he, that's now,
this is where he's hoisted by his own petard.
He and I, we grew up working on cars together.
Yeah, let's give some context to Ken.
He's your friend.
Kenny is one of my very best friends from Michigan.
And we had this really fun relationship
cause we went to different high schools
and we met at another kid's birthday party
but we really liked each other.
And then we really started hanging out
when I was 15 and he was 16 because he had a Mustang GT
and I lived to go drag racing
and we would go drag racing in his Mustang GT and often he would let me drive it even when I was 15
and race guys and then I got a Mustang GT and we both had Mustang GTs so our friendship was like
he was my outlet for cars because I hung out with all the artistic kids and the snowboarders but on
the weekends I would go with Ken Kennedy and we would go to grass shit and we would go to Milan dragway.
And we were constantly working on cars together.
And he hates how I work on cars.
Cause I'm like, let's get this fucker running
in the next two hours.
I don't really care if I had the right gasket.
I can make this gasket work.
Let's just put a little RTB here.
But he has to do everything by the numbers.
Yes, well he went to school.
And it's just his nature.
He's very anal for lack of a-
He is so kind and sweet.
And like the loveliest, loveliest person.
I adore him.
And he's so protective and he takes care of people.
And if you go somewhere with it,
he's like thought of the things you'll need.
He's incredibly thoughtful.
He brings flowers when he comes to stay with you.
He texted me on my birthday.
No, he's the one person who texted me on September 1st
and said, 20 years buddy.
Like, yeah, he's so sweet.
Back to my grievances with him.
First of all, he borrowed my Hellcat, the last trip,
and he took it out of the mode it was in
and put it in eco mode to save 4 cents on the highway.
And this is so Ken Kennedy, mind you.
This is my biggest grievance of 2023.
Oh my God.
He doesn't even know how angry I am about this.
It's okay, he needs to hear.
He's here right now?
No, he just needs to hear.
Oh, okay.
So he borrowed the car,
he wants to save 5 cents on the highway.
So he switches it to eco mode,
which is a joke that takes it from 707 horsepower to 500.
It's already preposterous.
Anyways, ever since he did that,
it now defaults in eco mode,
and I've got to go into the fucking menu
and put it in my mode, and then I've looked up online
and they're supposed to come in eco mode,
and you always have to do that.
Mine wasn't like that, I don't know why.
But because Ken Kennedy put it in fucking eco mode,
now every time I get in it,
I gotta reprogram the thing to get it to perform.
That's kind of a great prank.
If it were an intentional prank, it'd be perfect.
How do you know he wasn't messing with you?
I don't know.
We could call him to ask.
But I know Ken Kennedy. He is a bit of a prankster. He can be a rascal. You know, but I know Ken Kennedy.
He is a bit of a prankster.
He can be a rascal.
You know, here's a prank he pulled on me.
What?
And it's mixed with his, of course, his sweetness.
Yeah.
So my Mustang sat in Michigan.
I moved to California.
I never brought it out.
It stayed at home.
It loitered up my mom's shop.
Everyone hated that it was there.
I had at one point blown the mechanical fuel pump
and Kenny knew I was coming back into town.
And so he was nice enough.
Now this is where he's so sweet.
He put in a new fuel pump for me on the weekend
and he put an electrical fuel pump in.
And then where my company or my family's business,
we did a lot of business at the airport.
Journalists would fly in and we would have a new GM car
sitting at this quick park, this parking area. where my company or my family's business, we did a lot of business at the airport.
Journalists would fly in and we would have a new GM car
sitting at this quick park, this parking area.
And we had a lot of spots there
and we'd leave cars for journalists.
They'd pick them up, they'd return them there
when they flew in and out.
So he's like, your car will be at quick park.
I'm like, kind of awesome.
My own car will be at quick park.
This is fun.
I go to quick park and I look at the like tag,
you pick up the tag and I look at the key chain.
Also, there's a Corvette ZR1 key fob on it for some reason.
Well, that's new.
And then it says like between G and A34.
I'm like, what, what the fuck is this?
I go out to the lot and there's a cement median
separating two areas of the parking spots.
And it's probably like an eight inch lip
on this concrete embankment.
He brought ramps with him to quick park,
parked my Mustang up on the cement block.
What?
And the Mustang is sitting on the cement block.
Oh my God.
And I've got to get home. Get it off.
And if I go slow off of it, it'll drop the front wheels and then drag the cement block. And I've got to get home. And if I go slow off of it,
it'll drop the front wheels and then drag the whole thing,
maybe even get caught on there.
So basically what I had to do
is I had to fucking rev it up
and dump the clutch and just go as fast as I could
and jump the Mustang off the thing.
But he took the time to bring ramps to Quick Park
and put it up on this fucking cement island.
How did he get it up there?
With ramps, he brought with him ramps
and drove it up in reverse.
And he wasn't worried you were gonna ruin the car?
Worth it.
See, there's where a prank, he will go for a prank.
Wow, I think the eco thing was a prank.
Well, it's a great one,
because it's gonna last forever. It makes me almost wanna sell the car. Wow, that- Well, it's a great one because it's going to last forever. It makes me almost want to sell the car.
Wow, that's great.
Anyway-
Okay, now back to your Mercedes.
I got a spot.
Thank you.
It won't be perfect.
Kenny will know it,
but no one else will know it but Kenny.
I want Kenny to like it.
He's not gonna.
Okay, fine.
Don't ever let him see the passenger side of your car.
I won't.
Okay, so-
Back to your face.
I ought to say,, so I'll just say. Back to your face.
No, I had to, I skipped today's training because the car.
Because you needed to get it to the.
Yeah, I don't have it.
So I like, I walked here today.
Anyway, I had to skip my second sesh.
Okay, how was your first session?
But I rescheduled it for Saturday.
So it's not like, I'm not skipping it completely.
First session was great.
I am so sore.
You are.
Yes, and I was not expecting it.
Of course you are.
You're like doing things you've never done.
I know, but also it wasn't too hard.
He asked me like on a scale of one to 10, how hard was that?
And I was like, a four. And I was like, hmm, like a four.
And he was like, oh, wow, okay, great.
And then I was like, I mean,
am I just doing like an ego thing?
But I wasn't, it felt all very doable.
And then, and he did say, he said, well, since
we don't work out with weights much.
What did you do, can I ask what movements you did?
Did you squat?
Yeah, we did squats.
With just the bar?
No, I used a kettlebell.
Kettlebell, okay.
Both like holding it on my chest
and also like holding it down.
Okay.
Do you know what I mean?
Sure, between your legs.
Yeah.
I don't know the names of anything.
Okay.
Okay, but I did an hour's worth of stuff.
And did you hate it or enjoy it?
No, I enjoyed it.
You did?
Yes, I did enjoy it.
I could see you getting into it.
It's a to-do list.
Well, exactly.
I mean, it's like writing.
I like after.
Yeah, I like after.
But he was great.
He pulled on my pants.
Oh my God, he pulled on your pants.
Would you evaluate what are you starting with?
What if he's like, we need to start with some pictures
before and after pictures.
Some baseline.
Some baseline.
Let's get some baseline pics.
What did you wear?
Did you get like a brand new outfit for this?
No, I didn't even think about that.
Oh, that's shocking.
Wow.
You gotta eventize it.
That's what Penne taught me.
And that's right.
Another friend, Andrew Penne. God. You gotta eventize it, that's what Penne taught me. And that's right, another friend, Andrew Penne.
God.
20 minutes on Penne.
I know, you don't have to.
But he did teach me that.
Yeah.
You get a very special outfit,
and when you put it on, you're eventizing the whole thing.
And now you're like, it's time to go.
Yeah, that's my life, I get it.
Yeah, okay.
But for this, I didn't, I wasn't ready to do that.
What, you wear like an old pair of stained sweats
and a ripped up painter's t-shirt?
No.
Do you look like a fucking hobo?
Okay, look, I walk.
It's not like I've never like stepped
into a workout situation.
He did ask, he said, he said,
you've never worked out with a trainer before?
He was shocked.
Oh, okay, but now comes why he was shocked.
What's your story in your head of what?
Because you're in such great shape.
Well, he did later say,
because I told him about my cholesterol.
Okay.
And he was like, what?
He needs to know about that.
It feels like you told your waiter about your cholesterol.
Like you tell everyone.
A trainer needs to know what's going on with my heart.
I don't think so.
What?
Your trainer needs to know about your cholesterol,
but continue.
Definitely he does.
He was surprised because everything,
because I was so good at everything.
Oh, okay.
And also, yeah, when I told him about my cholesterol,
he said, that's really surprising because you're so fit.
And I was like, I know it's genetic.
And he was like, yeah, my mom was really small,
but also, oh, I shouldn't say that, I shouldn't.
Well, I'm not saying his name.
Okay, great.
Did he ask you what your workout goals were?
Yes, he did.
And what did you say?
I said, I really just want to build strength
and build muscle, but I-
Don't want to look jacked.
Yeah.
I said I don't want to look too-
You say I want to be stronger than my coworker?
No.
I said I don't want to be bulky.
Right.
But yeah, and then-
But you would be bulky in the back, right?
What's that mean? In my butt? Yeah, you'd would be bulky in the back, right? What's that mean?
In my butt?
Yeah, you'd grow a big old muscular ass, right?
No.
I mean, I want it to be toned and like firm and nice.
But no, my boobs, okay, this is just the way
I look in the mirror and look at my body.
Other people's bodies are great.
Everyone's great.
Yeah, everyone's perfect.
But I don't think, because my boobs are so big
and because I'm so short, there's so much going on
that I think a big butt, it's just not what I'm looking for.
It's too much.
There's too much stuff going on.
It's not what I'm looking for.
Okay, great.
Great.
I want a humongous butt.
That's why I asked this. But you don't have big boobs. Well, I do have a pretty nice chest. No's not what I'm looking for. Okay, great. Great, I want a humongous butt. That's why I asked.
But you don't have big boobs.
Well, I do have a pretty nice chest.
No, you don't have big boobs.
You haven't.
I have pretty big boobs.
I can do this with them.
I know, that's.
You can't.
Yes, I can.
If your boobs were, if you really have big boobs,
you'd be able to do this.
Okay, so it went great and.
And you liked it.
And I liked it.
But you were very sore.
Oh, he said, because you haven't worked out
with weights that much, you'll probably be sore.
Yeah.
And I was like, yeah.
But you were like, no, I won't.
And I was like, I don't know, maybe a little bit.
And I'm so sore.
Right, where the most?
Mainly my legs and my butt, but mainly my legs.
Your butt, that's gotten bigger.
I mean, everything's gotten huge.
I can't believe you didn't notice.
Did you look in your mirror
to see if you could see changes after the first orga?
Like you're eight years old.
No.
I would have.
Are you gonna take before and after pictures?
You kind of should.
Oh, no.
Okay.
I'm out.
Yeah.
I'm gonna let you do all this on your own.
I'll stay right out of it.
I will.
Now I brought something in today,
which I don't normally do.
Oh my God.
I wanna set this up by saying, my mom, sweet Laura,
she doesn't listen to this show in a healthy way.
But she knew about Luthy, so maybe she listens to Synced.
I think she watches, I think she follows us on Instagram,
so if there's a clip, she'll see it.
But again, and she doesn't listen.
And again, in a healthy way.
Yeah.
So I don't think this will get back to her.
Okay.
Uh oh.
And if it gets back to her, maybe she needs to hear it.
Oh, like Kenny?
This is like, this is your episode
where you're telling everyone things.
Not to their face.
It's called the clean in the closet episode.
Fact check.
Well, I was gonna start with a question of,
and my mom's a little older than your parents.
Okay, I'm just gonna get right to it then.
So my mom for a while now, and I gotta say,
and I'll try to describe it visually,
you know, there's an ASL sign for I love you
and it's very big in our family or we do this a lot.
If we see each other from the audience, we give it
and it's a thumb out, your first finger out,
your pinky out.
It's very cute.
So my mother signs off with that emoji,
but it's the black emoji.
What's really funny is it's on a lot of the group text
to my brother and my sister.
And I'm kind of like waiting.
If anyone of the three of us are gonna go like,
mom, you probably, I mean, you pro,
I don't think you know what you're doing. And I also, I don't, you're like Wayne telling her
because who cares?
It's on this chain, but then you're wondering,
is she going to send it to someone else?
Sure.
Is she sending this to everybody?
Well, which is- Does she even know?
Like, I'm going to show you
because I can't imagine you even believe me.
What's funny though is you have to pick that.
Oh sure.
Like it's not that it's like a default.
Okay, I'm gonna, I'm doing a screenshot to you right now
and I'm gonna shoot it over.
It comes in yellow.
Exactly.
Originally, so you have to hold.
Oh my God, she, and there's no way she figured out
how to hold, what she may have figured out how to do
is she accidentally held one time and now that
the white one's gone.
Okay.
But I don't even know if she notices it's black.
That's what I'm wrestling with.
I think the first time you use it,
it makes you pick a color.
Okay, but I do feel like in the past,
she's been doing this for a while, but it has,
and then you gotta wonder, is it intentional?
I gotta guess, I gotta ask her.
Maybe, should we call her?
Oh no, is it gonna make her, I don't wanna make-
No, she's got a good sense of humor, let's see.
Okay.
Oh my God.
Oh, thank God you answered.
Why is that?
I'm recording right now.
Oh, okay.
I'll try to be polite.
Oh, okay.
Well, and I'm airing, I'm gonna be honest with you.
I'm airing a little, I'm talking with Monica
and I'm asking her if she's noticed anything
that her parents are doing as they get older or they've actually signaled like,
okay, they're out of step on this one thing.
Oh, Jesus.
So you have one, you have one,
and I haven't been telling you,
and I've decided to do it on air.
Well.
Okay, when you send me a text,
then you send me that wonderful I love you sign. Yeah.
Do you realize you're sending the black person's one?
Oh yeah, I like it better.
Oh.
Pshhhhhh.
Daxer. I like it better. Oh. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.
Daxer.
I like it better.
What a great answer.
It's hard to argue with that, mom.
You just visually, you like it better.
I deliberately choose that one
because I like it better.
Oh, okay.
Great.
Now you know, okay, now let's back up.
Yeah.
You know that you can't go in blackface. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK, but if you got to pick the prettiest skin you could have,
that's the skin I pick.
OK, that's a great rebuttal.
That's going to be hard to cancel.
Carly pulls the car over all the time and says, you can't say that.
OK, so you are saying you're saying some things that maybe are out of date.
Well, yeah, I mean, yeah, I suppose so.
It's gonna happen to everyone.
It is. Yeah.
Yeah, it's cultural.
It's what you were brought up with.
You are such a good sport.
I love you so much. Yeah, you are.
Come on.
Well, I'm glad you love me
because I love the dick inside of you.
Okay, all right, well, I love you.
Thank you for picking up.
Well, can I just say one more thing real quick?
Yes, of course.
It's funny that you were calling this
because Daniel and I, I don't know if you can see,
we painted this room, the ceilings, the trim, the walls.
We've been working a whole week on it.
This work taken me one day while I got home from work.
Yeah.
I just was out in the garage with him
and I said to him, if you're doing that door,
it's gotta be turned over
cause you're painting it the color.
He's doing it in the background,
he goes, we're not going through that again, are we? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha can of paint? Do you want to get paper towel? Oh boy.
I can't even tell you what a zoo it is.
With two septuagenarians doing home improvement.
It is nothing like when I did home improvement five years ago.
Yeah.
We are both stupid, tired.
I told him three times.
Stupid and tired is a bad combo.
Huh?
Stupid and tired is a bad combo.
Every day from the moment you wake up.
Okay.
And so here we are and we're in this world and I come out here and he's got the door
flipped over and I said, didn't you remember I told you to flip that door over? And he goes, what? What? No, it's right. I
said, no, we just went through this whole thing. I picked up the door and I moved it next to the
other door and showed you how it was the wrong side. And he goes, oh yeah, I think you're right.
We do this all day long. One room. You wanna know the decline?
The decline is we are on a bobsled in Norway.
Okay.
I love you.
I love you too, bye.
Okay, so she knows that's a reveal.
She knows, that was a reveal.
I like it more.
What are you gonna say to that, yeah?
Right, I guess we said everything that should be said.
Yeah, there's really no more to say about it.
Maybe she doesn't really know that,
or maybe she does, but that it is supposed to be you.
Right, now that, I don't know that she understands
that part. Right.
Right, clearly not. She just was like,
oh, I like this. Yeah, this is preferable to the lighter color. I don't know that she understands that part. Right. Right. Clearly not.
She just was like, oh, I like this.
Yeah, this is preferable to the lighter colored.
Right, but not, it's not me.
It's not my hands.
Okay, anywho.
I mean, ultimately what happens is
your parents will be 90 and they're at the table.
My grandmother used to say this.
My grandmother was not a bigot by any stretch.
And as she got way older,
she reverted back to when she was a kid.
Well, we're just gonna let it slide at this dinner table
because she's 90 years old.
Yeah.
I don't know what to say.
It is how you grow up.
And it's so, that is why.
Like, less assured what we're saying right now
will change by the time we're 90.
It will change. We time we're 90.
It will change.
We're never gonna land on the thing.
It just, that's not how language works.
No, no, for sure.
There's a million things that yeah, we do now.
We don't have any idea that are gonna be wrong.
And at some point, your memory will just stop helping you.
Like it'll only be that core memory you have.
Like you won't even have access
to the thing that it evolved into.
I guess, I mean, I do think in this-
Like you're gonna say unhoused at some point
when you're 96 and someone's gonna lose their mind.
Sure, sure.
But when it comes to race,
Yeah.
You know, it is dependent on your upbringing
and your surroundings and all of those things
because ding, ding, ding,
because you had mentioned India and weird and interesting
and all of that, which was a tussle between us.
And actually, I thought so much about it
when I got home from that trip.
Oh, okay.
It was like, I'm really glad, I'm really proud
that I'm from here and I'm glad that I'm from here.
And that's true, I am,
or that was shown to me in such a wonderful way,
but I think part of it is also, I'm grateful.
I'm grateful to, this is gonna sound so weird,
but not be part of the hegemonic group.
Oh, uh-huh, no, that doesn't sound terribly weird to me.
I can see, like from the inside.
The outsider.
The outsider's perspective.
And so I have a quicker access to empathy there
because it's just built in.
Like I don't have to work hard to understand
when someone says they've, I mean, everyone can relate to being other in some ways,
but if it's like a racist thing, I'm there.
And I am glad I have that.
That's a perspective that I like
walking through the world with
and not having to work very hard to do so.
Yeah, well, I would say it's very similar
to being really grateful you're an addict.
Like, it's a thing that you were dealt
and you can come to love it.
Yeah, and then have so much understanding for others
in a way that a lot of other people can't do.
Right.
Or have to work very hard to do.
Yeah, okay.
So I think we did leave a lot of open ends.
Great, we'll revisit them.
Yeah, we'll come back to that at some point.
Last week.
In 2022.
Okay, some facts.
This is from Maren.
Maren Morris, lovely.
Okay, the Sex and the City episode
that was about single person behavior
is called The Good Fight.
It's in season four, it's episode 13.
Great, revisit that.
Should be streaming on your Mac's app.
Carrie finds living with Aiden is tough.
Okay, she misses her single lifestyle.
In her secret single behavior.
Oh, secret single behavior.
So I looked up percentage of people
who don't fart around their spouse.
Probably hard to find.
It's not that easy to find.
According to one study reported by the Plymouth Herald,
around 45% of couples in the Southwest of England
claim they don't fart in front of their spouse.
It's a very limited-
I also speaking in broad generalities here.
I do imagine Americans fart in front of their spouse
more than English people do.
Oh, because they're so proper?
I have a stereotype that they're a little more proper
than us.
Except not the countryside ones.
Right, they have white trash like me there.
Well, and just, I think they have, it's like.
They got some bumpkins.
Well, they.
Some country bumpkins.
Okay.
Some hicks.
No, not hicks, like. Like just it's more cozy.
Like in the holiday where she lives in that little
like cute, cozy kind of cabin.
Wool sweaters.
Yeah.
In a hearth.
Yeah, I don't think those aren't proper.
No, do you think they fart?
I still don't think that farting
as much as Americans. In the movie, they fart.
Oh, okay.
Then I, yeah, then I guess that seems high to me, by the way.
45, I agree.
I mean, you're talking about decades together.
Yeah, I agree.
I think it's weird.
Okay, now you said that Spotify
reported its first profitable quarter just last year.
Spotify reported its first profitable quarter
in the first quarter of 2024.
There you go, even more recent.
Yeah.
I mean, that's crazy.
It is.
Okay, there's a New York Times article on the middle.
It's called Diary of a Song.
So maybe this is a separate thing.
Back up.
Yeah.
First of all, I heard Diary, and I'm dead serious.
I'm not trying to do a bit.
Okay.
Okay, so back up really far.
What was the setup for that?
She talked about a series called Anatomy of a Song.
Okay.
And they did one on the middle.
Okay.
And there is a New York Times piece called Diary of a Song,
not diarrhea.
Okay, I wonder if there's ever been the word diarrhea
in a headline of the New York Times.
Probably not. I'm sure.
Of course, yeah.
Like deaths.
Soldiers struck with diarrhea or something?
Yeah, or a lot of people still die of it.
Well, Bill Gates.
I found one.
Oh yeah, see?
He was remarkably healthy until,
I don't need to pay,
until chronic diarrhea nearly killed him.
Oh.
Yeah.
Oh, okay, chronic. They added chronic to make it more medical.
No, diarrhea is the medical term.
What if it's a chronic Hershey squirts?
Ew, ew.
Otherwise healthy man dies of chronic Hershey squirts.
Oh, God.
Is diarrhea is,
diarrhea is the medical term, right?
Yeah, but if you study it,
it's technically hanus reus or hanus rea.
That's right.
Yeah, I know.
If you're an expert in the field.
Okay, Pharrell for happy.
Yeah.
10 attempts.
What did I say?
Nine.
Even more.
I was nervous I exaggerated.
That's generally what I tend to do.
No.
No, wow.
And just confirming, I'm not gonna go down the list
because we have talked about it before.
Okay, I will.
Jobs with high suicide rates.
Okay.
Okay, medical doctors, dentists, police officers,
veterinarians, financial services, real estate agents,
electricians, lawyers, farmers, pharmacists. Isn't that all the job sectors at that point?
No, our job isn't on here.
Podcasters?
Okay, well I should have started.
That's a huge group for a data group.
8 million, the last I heard, 8 million active podcasts.
That's a huge, there's probably more podcasters than Dennis.
Okay, but that's a good question.
How many people do you think? Oh my God, there's more podcasters than Dennis. I mean, I think it's a good question. I mean, I think it's a good question. I mean, I think it's a good question. I mean, I think it's a good question. I mean, I think it's a good question.
I mean, I think it's a good question.
I mean, I think it's a good question.
I mean, I think it's a good question.
I mean, I think it's a good question.
I mean, I think it's a good question.
I mean, I think it's a good question.
I mean, I think it's a good question.
I mean, I think it's a good question.
I mean, I think it's a good question.
I mean, I think it's a good question.
I mean, I think it's a good question.
I mean, I think it's a good question.
I mean, I think it's a good question.
I mean, I think it's a good question.
I mean, I think it's a good question.
I mean, I think it's a good question.
I mean, I think it's a good question.
I mean, I think it's a good question.
I mean, I think it's a good question.
I mean, I think it's a good question. I mean, I think it's a good question. I mean, I think it's a good question. I mean, I think it's a good question. I mean, I think it's's very embarrassing. No, it's not. You'd have to say I host a podcast. I do, I say I produce and host a podcast.
Well, it is embarrassing,
that's why you don't say podcaster.
Be honest.
Fine, it's not that it's embarrassing,
it just doesn't seem accurate.
It's incredibly accurate, you're a podcaster.
But it sounds really embarrassing.
Why though?
Because there's eight million
and it's a punchline in every show you watch.
Right, but what's the difference between-
Who's your new boyfriend? Oh, he's a podcaster. It's like a, it's a punchline in every show you watch. Right, but what's the difference between- Who's your new boyfriend?
Oh, he's a podcaster.
It's like a, it's a go-to joke and everything.
Yeah, you know what I do say?
God, I do.
I say I host and produce a podcast network.
And you had prob-
You had no-
That's true.
I know, I know, but you had a lot of things
you had produced.
Well, I want them to know the reality of my life.
I'm not just a podcast.
I don't just step into the booth and step out.
You don't, but the thing that you're making all the money on
is actually your podcasting.
I hate to break that to you.
What do you mean?
You're a very good editor.
You're very good at a lot of things.
The reason you're making a ton of money
is because of your personality.
It's actually your podcasting.
Well, podcasting incorporates all the pieces.
The editing is a huge piece of my day,
so it has to be included.
I could find another editor
that would do a good enough job.
I could not find another Monica Padman, okay?
Is this like a compliment and you're hurt?
Yeah, well yeah,
because I'd like to, I kind of would like to see you try.
I'm serious.
And in fact, great.
That would free up a lot of time for me.
So you circle back.
You circle back on that.
Anyway, all right.
Well, I hate to end on suicide, but that is where we are.
Well, it's off in the end.
Wow, yeah.
Should we call my mom back to put it back on?
I know, see what else she's doing.
All right. All right.
I love you.
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