Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Maya Rudolph

Episode Date: April 22, 2024

Maya Rudolph (Loot, Bridesmaids, The Way Way Back) is an actor, comedian, and writer. Maya joins the Armchair Expert to discuss why she wants one of her kids to be a chef, her love for the city of Austin, and how she never knows when someone is flirting with her. Maya and Dax talk about why they never fell in love, what being compared to your parents is like, and how much she loves working with her friends. Maya explains what happened when Dax recommended a Greek restaurant to her, how she wants to be more adventurous in her life, and how well she does with spicy wings. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dak Shepard, I'm joined by Lily Padman and my old buddy Rudy is here today. Oh, what a long time coming. So long, we've been trying to get her from those early days. From the jump. She wasn't ready and now she is.

She wasn't and now she is. But yeah, in fact, I've had people, rightly so, go, where's Maya, aren't you guys pals? I know, and then they probably think you were lying about that. But they'll learn today you weren't. Yes, or that she's a tremendous actor, which she is. She's an Emmy Award winning actor and a comedian.

Some of my very favorite SNL sketches in the history of Serenade Live. Bridesmaids, grownups, big mouth, of course, idiocracy, where she and I became besties. And now, season two of Lute, out on Apple TV, which is fantastic. I'm delighted that we interviewed her, because now I'm into Lute, and I think you will be too,

so please enjoy that. I really enjoyed this. I really did too. She's wonderful. She's as good as they come. And you know that, even if you don't know her, you're kinda like, I think she's great, but then she delivers.

In any other occupation, this wouldn't be a great compliment, but in our occupation, it is the ultimate compliment. She's so normal. Yeah. Right, she's such a normal-ass human being. Yes, yes, yes. I love it about her.

She tells some fun stories. Oh, and her willingness to go to Olgas. Try maintaining, whatever you hear about Olgas, don't listen to anything. I love and still love Olgas. Please enjoy Maya Rudolph. He's an armchair expert. He's an armchair expert.

He's an armchair expert. Will you explain the olive oil to me please? Oh yeah yeah yeah. You do it in your coffee? I do. I don't use cream, but I miss some kind of a fat in there. It's so... Let me tell you the whole story of this olive oil. Actually, you'll really like it.

I do love that olive oil. Well you already know about it. I don't know much about it, I just know it was like the first fancy olive oil actually I really like it I do love that olive oil well you already know about it I don't know much about it I just know it was like the first fancy olive oil you could buy in a grocery store and I'd be like oh my god this is augmented my salads yeah it shouldn't be for cooking it should be for dressing up your food Tasting. Tasting, sucking. Mm. Liver caning. But now there's so many artisanals. Yes, yes. I'm sorry, I don't think people normally wear.

Bespoke. I was told to put makeup on in case we took a photo. I don't normally wake up with makeup on, but I was so nervous that I was told that, that I was like, they know something, I don't know, I better put some fucking lipstick on. We do take a couple photos, so you're ahead of the game. And you look beautiful.

Right? Yeah. Truly, always. Okay, so back to this olive oil, because I think you'll really appreciate this. So Kristin and I were at a really nice hotel in Utah. A Holiday Inn. They had olive oil in a little bowl, and I dipped in some bread and I tasted it,

and I was like, oh my God, that's the first time I've really been like, wow, olive oil in a little bowl, and I dipped in some bread, and I tasted it, and I was like, oh my God, that's the first time I've really been like, wow, olive oil. So I asked one of the guys working there, is it okay if you tell me the brand of that olive oil you guys use? And he's like, yes, I'll be right back. And he was gone for quite a long time.

I don't know what's about to happen. And then he came back and he leaned down into me, because it was a very nice restaurant, and he said, ah yes, sir, the olive oil is extra virgin. And then he went. I love him. I know, I loved him so much and of course,

now I don't know what to do because I want him to think he got me the right information. And also that's not gonna get me to this olive oil brand. Extra virgin. That is the best olive oil story I've ever heard. I kind of thought you would want to know that part of it. So anyways, I did end up finding out it was this Lademia or however you say it.

I always say, la la me. Oh, papa P, mama me. I have no idea. I don't think I've ever said it out loud. I don't know that I have either. But I remember back in the day, you'd go to like the Gelson's Isles if you were starting to really get fancy.

To really enjoy your wealth. Yeah, I guess Aaron was around, but I was doing Whole Foods then. Yeah. I was like, get the Laudanio. Do whatever you can. If you come back without the Laudanio, don't even come back.

Laudanio. If they don't have Laudanio, Come back without the La Do Me Oh Me Oh Me Oh. Don't even come back. La Do Me Oh Me Oh? If they don't have La Do Me Oh Me Oh, turn around and walk the fuck out of there. How are we not hearing any of that construction? This is incredible. This has a synthetic bubble around it. You did something, Grace. I did do something.

So anyways, I liked this so much. I was dipping everything I could in it, and I was pouring it on everything, and then one day I was like, I wonder how it tastes in coffee, just curious. Recently there was a Starbucks olive oil situation. I know. So that's why I was asking

because you clearly are good at like. Forecasting food trends? Yeah, that's what I'm gonna do. I know and I'm not even gonna try. And we're gonna talk about that. Yes and I'm not even gonna deny it because it's known, I am so good at that. Yeah. No but I've been doing Monica right for eight years or so.

Oh wow, yeah, yeah. I think actually. In coffee. Well it used to be butter, you've heard like the butter. That's what I was thinking, is the biohacking, bulletproof. That was a part of it, and instead of putting butter in there, I was like, well I guess it's the fat that prevents you from peaking and crashing.

I don't know if any of that's real, but I just started doing it, and now I just really love the taste of it. Do you just pour it in or do you froth it? Emulsify. Thank you. No. Did you say magic bullet?

No, I said emulsify. She said emulsify. Monica's a chef. I know cooking terms. Are you a chef? Amateur. Say no more, you've got my heart. You can come over, I'll cook for you.

I love it. I have four children and my dream is one of them is interested in becoming a chef, just one. So that you can enjoy it or for their, oh yeah, that's a good idea. For me to enjoy their culinary prowess. Yes, do you like cooking? I do, but I haven't been cooking lately.

And then if we go on vacation and rent a house, I'm like, I'm gonna chat. I like playing house in that way, but I am doing construction and I'm building a genuinely exciting kitchen. First time in my life. Okay, at the house I've been to. Next door, same vibe.

Okay, great, too many buildings. Too many buildings, same property, one patch of grass. Nice. Same exact house, where you found the wolf spider. I have that on my list of things. I thought that was a tarantula, but it's not. It was a tarantula, let's be honest. Someone was just trying to be cool about it. Entomologist or something.

It was a fucking wolf spider. Are tarantulas and wolf spiders the same thing? You tell me. No one knows what a wolf spider is. Nobody cares. When you see that thing, you don't care. No, it was bigger than a hockey puck. I thought you were saying hot dog. Smaller than a fr. No, it was bigger than a hockey puck. Smaller than a frisbee.

It was bigger than a hot dog. That would be a terrible reference point. Longer than a coat hanger. No, but it was not as big as a frisbee and it was bigger than a hockey puck. First of all, for you to think anything is big means it was scary. Yeah, it was enormous and it felt like

it shouldn't be in Los Angeles. We need more details. What happened? You were outside. We were at my house and we had recently replaced the air conditioner. So I think some big unit had come out and some big guy was living there for a while. A big, big boy. Big boy. It was probably like a pound. Oh, God! No, no!

Its eggs were visible like chicken eggs. That sounds so thick. Yeah. Gursy. Ugh. And then when we were just walking out of the house, it was in the walkway and all its hairiness was hanging out.

We're humans. It almost looked like a gorilla. Yeah. If you really think about it. Does everyone feel so itchy now? Awful, awful. And by the way, I still live there. So it probably has a family,

and I'm sure there's more, but they know how to hide. I was happy when I drove home that night. That you don't have to live there? Yes, well, let me go backwards. Your family home is among the favorite houses I've ever been to in my life. And it's not because it's spectacular and grandeur, although it does sound like we're putting

a lot of buildings on it, which is exciting. I mean, we just bought the house next door, let's be honest. Okay, yeah, yeah. But it is the most quirky, authentic, real, it's not flashy, but it's like an older, kind of wooden ranch, everything's wooden. The sinks are wooden, the bathtub's wooden, the showers are wooden. The humans are wooden.

And it has more charm than any other house I've ever been in, truly. It is true. And then such a sweet setup, because there was a horse barn. There was a horse barn, which I think became the garage, and then subsequently the previous owners had,

you will appreciate this, a car garage, like a mechanics garage. Yeah, right, proper. And then Paul put a screen in there, and you would show movies in there. We still do. And so Paul put a screen in there and you would show movies in there. We still do. And so we had made this movie together and it was just never gonna be seen.

By anyone ever. No, and God bless, I'm presuming Paul had the leverage. He got a print of that film. He did. So that we could at least see it. Like dignified actors who worked really hard. Like they were in a porno or something. But let's go back to the fact that didn't you and I march into 20th Century Fox?

I remember saying like, we're just gonna go down there and be like, why didn't it come out? Yeah, yeah, yeah, what's going on? Why isn't this movie coming out? Because I, of course, I'm not the most optimistic person. I started to imagine, well, this must be quite bad. Which made no sense because you and I were in a film that was written and directed by Mike Judge. How could that be bad?

It was called 3001. How could that be bad? Terry Crews put on a show for us. Terry Crews was the president. How could that be bad? Right. It was you, me, and Luke Wilson in Austin, Texas. Oh, my.

How could that be bad? And then it just got really quiet for a really long time. I wanna say like a year. And we also did some reshoots while I was doing a different movie. That didn't feel. That never feels great. You're not encouraged by that.

That never feels great. Even worse, you might remember this plot twist. I was brought into ADR my entire character without an accent. Wait, stop! Did you not know this? I think I blocked it out. I was asked to come in there and just do the movie like Dax, like, go away, Baton! I like money too.

You like sex and money? We should hang out. My heart hurt, I know. Because they had determined that it was my terrible character that was making the movie test so horribly. Well, after they changed the title from 3001, which is maybe one of the most brilliant titles I've ever heard about a future gone wrong,

to Idiocracy, where the first question is, how do you spell that? Right. What was going on? They just were like, we're scared to put this out. Wouldn't tell us. You still don't know. What do we think now?

As I remember this, everyone has these crazy theories. There are people that think, oh, they went after big companies too hard. I don't believe any of that. You mean like Fuddruckers? Yeah, like Carl's Jr. I'm sure Carlton's cigarettes was pissed. I bet.

Starbucks was giving hand jobs out in the movie, right? Yes, lattes were hand jobs. So that was kind of one fringier theory, but in reality, and I hate to defend them, but the movie tested terribly, and Paul's the one who made the very best observation. I'll never forget this. I just wanna say, one of my favorite things

about good old friends is they remember things that you don't. Please continue. Yeah, it's the same. Paul Saunders. Paul your husband. Yep. One of my favorite things about good old friends is they remember things that you don't please continue Yes, same Paul saw all your husband. Yep, who's an incredible director Paul Thomas Anderson So we are gonna listen to this gentleman and he saw the movie and he said well No wonder this thing tests at 40 every time The people that go see free movies they know nothing about are the people being made fun of in the movie And I was like, oh my god, that's exactly it.

God damn it, that's right. This movie has had so many lives because remember before the Trump election, we went out and screened it like, guys, don't let this happen to you. Right, right. Remember this funny? Isn't this funny? And it got not funny so fast. Yes, you're right.

And then also it had that weird thing that happens when it's like, we knew it as 3001. That's what we read the first time. And then it got renamed to Idiocracy and I was like, I don't like this. It's too on the nose. Yeah, and it's hard because it's not what you fell in love with.

But then of course, the rest of the world only knows that as that. And they love it. And so now I don't mind it at all. Same. Would you agree we made that movie it came out I didn't meet anyone for four years that had seen that movie. That's right so when it was coming out you and I said hey let's go see it so that's what we did we went to the cinema dome and I think you said call movie phone because it's not on

there and it was like oh it's the Untitled Mike Judge film they were hiding it from us. They did not want anyone to see it. No it was you and me and we had our own little party in there and no one knew what I was talking about when I said that I made this movie for a very long time so I'm trying to think what brought it out of this is actually in line with the wolf spider a little bit. They were both in hiding for so long. They were. Oh my God.

And then the light of day hit them somehow. Somehow. HVAC project. I don't even know, I guess it probably made its way to TV. But slowly it just started. And by far. I think my judge became more of a cache and people started deep diving into everything he made.

It is his weird pattern though, because also Office Space had a very similar kind of, it came out, not a lot of people saw it, then it became huge. So I would say to this day, that is the movie that people have stopped me about more than any other thing. And do they say, go away, Baten?

They say all kinds of fun stuff. I said, I like money the other day. Oh, sure. I like money. Sure. Oh. But here's the other thing that's crazy about the movie is the whole time we were like, this is insane.

This is crazy. Yeah, yeah. A professional wrestler for president. And then it came true so much faster than anticipated. We were shocked. And I thought people started watching it a little bit in the way that Monica watches the same movie of a topic she's nervous about.

So like during the pandemic, she watched Contagion like 30 times in a row. And then we have to read an article that people with anxiety rewatch stuff because they know how it ends. Right, ooh. So I think maybe people started anxiety watching it because they would know how that would end.

Oh, that's so rough. Well, it's extra rough because you guys need to screen it again. Well. My God. We're gonna keep screening it. What for the rest of our lives? For the rest of our lives.

Yeah. We're just kind of stuck in some weird museum. Oh. That's some weird greeting we get. That's what greeting me. I remember too, my favorite thing about that re-screening of it was that the Arrow Theater did put up a beautiful marquee, it said ass. Oh, right.

One for best picture, best screenplay, and best performance. Which is ass. So Monica and I were just in Austin, Lower South by. Oh, really? And we stayed at the Four Seasons. Oh my God. And I was telling Monica, I were just in Austin, lower south by and we stayed at the Four Seasons. Oh my God. And I was telling Monica, I'm like,

I don't know that they'll ever be a more special place for me because that was only the second movie I ever did. I never stayed at a Four Seasons. This was so foreign to me. And you and I were like two floors apart and we had a view of the river. It's really seared into me. Every time I go there and I stand on the balcony

and I look there, I get the warmest warm fuzzies. And you know, it's almost right to this moment 20 years ago. Are you serious? Yeah, because we shot in 2004, spring into the beginning of summer. We had no children between us. Well, you found out you were pregnant

by the end of the movie. While we were shooting? Or at the reshoots. One of the two. Must have been the reshoots. How old's your child? 18. It's gonna be 19 next week.

October. So then it must have been the reshoots. That's crazy. Yeah, right? Oh. Yeah. But we didn't have childrens. We didn't have childrens, but we had each other.

And I have to tell you, it may have been one of the first times in my adult life where I was like, I made a friend. Oh. You know what I mean? We had a genuine love fest friendship that started, blossomed, grew, learned about each other. Yes.

Ate together, which is really learning about each other. Oh, yes. I learned a lot. Well, I was eating so much, as you recall. Yes, but you also introduced me to your palate. And because I love you, and at the time, it was such a love fest, you were like, oh, we gotta go to this place.

And I was like, great, let's go. Everything was low rent. Didn't we get Boston Market? Boston Market for the meatloaf. I wrote down about five things that you were so patient with me as a friend, it's hilarious. But I wanna get to my favorite part, which is, hey, yes, I just like you instantly.

I don't know how this happened, but very early on into hanging out, we developed this weird bit where we would just call one another's hotel room, landline to landline, and Maya would pick up and I would go, quarter pounder, filet-o-fish, half a meal, side dish. I haven't thought about this.

And then hang up. And that's the tune, you remember, that's the exact tune. Ham and cheese, cheese and ham. It always started with a quarter pounder for some reason. There was always a quarter pounder or filet-o-fish is always included. Do you know why, maybe?

I think it's because filet-o-fish is my childhood McDonald's meal. We were told we were vegetarians when I was a child. That meant we did not eat beef. But filet-o-fish was totally on the menu. The filet-o-fish was fine. And they didn't have nuggets then. They didn't have McNuggets.

Happy meal, quarter pounder. Then it blossomed into like, happy meal, meal of choice. Like it would be the last word. Yes, I'm forgetting all the iterations. Maybe. It was a couple months, but nothing made me happier than I'd be sitting in bed and my phone would ring and then I would just pick it up and I would hear that.

Roast beef, filet of fish. Filet of fish, fish and chip. Nofish. Filet-o-fish. Fish and chip. No reason. I believe you started it. I can't imagine that, but boy was that fun. And it just never ended. We had that beautiful walk by the river. Right behind the hotel is lovely,

and there was all these strange ducks. I really fell in love with that city. Big surprise. People fell in love with Austin, Texas. But this was a long time ago. It was so long ago that city. Big surprise, people fell in love with Austin, Texas. But this was a long time ago. It was so long ago that when we were shooting, I was falling so in love with it, I started looking at tons of real estate and all of those houses that were on the lake

on a couple acres in big houses were like 700 grand. Jesus. You cannot buy a house on that lake now for under six million. So like, yes, in many ways we were way ahead of the curve. I'm that person who's been here this whole time But I've never been ahead of the curve and I mean anywhere on any game on anything when you're like, oh, yeah That's over now people aren't doing that anymore. You're like That's me with like real estate

I've never been like yeah, we found this very small town on this little inlet islet and it's in the Bahamas and it was $400. They're telling us now it's worth eight million. Eight million dollars. Can you believe it? I've never done that. Okay, another wonderful thing that happened to us on the movie is that we were both given drivers slash assistants.

I had a boy and you had a girl. Wait, was her name Monica? No, what was? I don't know her name, but I think where this story's going, girl. Wait, was her name Monica? No. What was... I don't know her name but I think where this story's going maybe we'll just leave her kind of anonymous. You know what? You're right. By the way there's no way she had that pedestrian of a name. Hey! Monica's a normal name. This one had a name like Skylar or Star. It was like Star from the Lost Boys. There was something avant garde about the name, as I recall.

And the person, yes. I had no boundaries, so I would come in my trailer and my good friend, he had smoked a pack and a half of cigarettes and there was butts everywhere and everything, so we didn't know how to do this. We were children. We were children and we invited them everywhere we went, which I think was nice of us.

We did not know better. Why don't you just tell everyone about our trip to Barton Springs? Barton Springs? Barton Springs is this beautiful public swimming area hole. I talk about it all the time in here. It's a spring-fed natural little riverway, but they've paved the sides of it,

and then there's a dam at the end, so it's about five football fields of water and then grassy banks on either side. And everybody just chills on the grassy banks, and it's a lot of college student vibe, maybe some hippies. Songwriters. Some people that don't have jobs during the day.

And we had the day off. I think we'd gone to the frozen custard place and gotten some ice cream. Absolutely. Like across the street. Sandies. Sandies, wow. We were just there and I was telling Monica. Did you go?

We didn't go, but. I suggested it. You pointed it out. I'm so curious. You know when you go somewhere and you're like, is this still go? We didn't go, but. I suggested it. You pointed it out. I'm so curious. You know when you go somewhere and you're like, is this still here? It is mostly all still there. Yeah, and it's that strip.

And we had that most enchanted dinner at Salt Lake with Mike, and I still go there all the time and I still get those butterflies. No wonder that's why you love it so much. Oh, big time. That makes sense. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, cause it was like a night where Mike was like, I'm gonna take you guys to Texas barbecue.

And with his family. And you had been taken to Boston Market before that. That's correct. Wow. So needless to say, I was in need of a heightened. The Boston Market doesn't end there. Earmark that. We went to see Mean Girls.

We went to see Mean Girls right after. That's what we did. We went to dinner and a movie. Oh. Mean Girls had just come out. You were like, I know the place. Don't worry, Toots. You hungry?

She'll have what I'm having. I'll have two of them and she'll have one of them. So we go have the day off. And of course we bring our assistants. Yes, of course. That's nice. Because I think we were all like the same age-ish. Yeah, roughly.

When you're in your 20s, you're the same age. Your girl was a little younger. I think she was the youngest turning 30 maybe 31 Austin, Texas in the summer is Perfect. It's perfect a little humid you get some thunderstorms. This is like flowers blooming grass You're in a like later movie. Yeah, exactly. And so we are hanging out as friends, the four of us. Just met. And my gal proceeds to take her top off. Oh. Is she an Austin native? No. She was newly in town, as I recall.

Okay, okay, okay. I don't remember. By the way, let's be clear. This was after other things were kind of like head scratchy, where I was like... So you did what with your dry cleaning? I'm doing it? Yeah, I think she was like shopping. She was doing some grocery shopping for herself.

Like she would do some for you, but also do quite a bit for herself, as I recall. Like one for you, two for me. Yeah. Yes, yes. No one's gonna know this. And then some dry cleaning. And now she was just fully topless.

But it wasn't just that she was topless It was that I made eye contact with you immediately and your eyeballs seared inside of my eyeballs The most direct like what do we do at that point? We're in a very precarious situation Which is in some loose terms where their employers, that's right By some extension I'm higher on the ladder so holy fuck how do I now talk to her you talk to her eyebrows Have you ever had that where someone just talks to the top of your head or a top your forehead have you ever noticed that It makes me very insecure not insecure. It makes my butthole a little tight

Sure, I'm gonna do it to you. Can you feel it? my butthole a little tight. Oh, snap. Makes me uncomfortable. Sure, I'm gonna do it to you. Can you feel it? No. So when we were down there, you can't even feel that? No, it looks like you're looking at me. Oh, wow, what a good trick. Maybe I'll go higher.

Now I'm gonna go higher. Go like, yeah, yeah, that's it. Ooh, I don't like it. My butthole is winking. Winking at you. There was a girl in my fourth grade class who would get really defensive and she'd talk to you like this.

Oh. I can't think of that. Is that a word? Uh-huh. Ah. Ah. It was a little bit of like check in with the eyes, like I'm looking down, but I'm still looking up here.

Ew, weird. Why? I don't like what just happened. Right, doesn't it make you feel ooky? Yeah, it does. No gracias. Okay, so Top came off and then no one addressed it. No one said a word.

What are you gonna say? We're her employers. Well. But she didn't take the hint. Because you all kept your tops up. We worked together. What? Because we all kept our tops up.

Bounced her top off too in front of mine. And it was just one big boob. One enormous uni boob. But didn't you find a picture of all of us hanging out It's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, creepy. So it's not like it was just a whup, it came off and all of a sudden there's- Oh, it was like a slow unbutton. It was like, I'm gonna unbutton my dress shirt that had been trimmed at the bottom. Did other people there do that?

It was kind of pre-that, to be honest. I didn't feel that from any other people there. Oh. She started a trend. I feel like sometimes people do that in life where they're like, oh, this was awkward or that made me feel uncomfortable. And then you look back and you realize

that person might've been pushing some buttons on purpose. Yes. I would never stop to think that it maybe created something for her. Or maybe she just was like hoping Dax would look. I don't know. Or you. She wasn't that interested in me.

By the way, I don't think she was interested in either of us. No, yeah. I kind of applaud it. She was on her own journey. I would love to bump into her. I just want an update. I think that Mike Judge should screen the movie again

for the next election and make it a reunion so we can see everybody. I would love that. Oh my God, that'd be great. In Austin. Because it was just us. It should have been in Austin. Although.

You never got the premiere you deserved. We never got the premiere we deserved. We never got the premiere we deserved. Okay, couple other things we must touch down on. We were our most selfish, well I can't speak for you, but career wise, my most selfish moment ever on a set was you and I just left. We were in the middle of a scene. Wait, really? Yes, because we wanted to go see Prince.

Oh yeah. Do you remember? Of course I do, in San Antonio. Yes, Prince was playing in San Antonio, and you pulled some crazy strings, or someone did. I was talking to Koplovitz a lot that day. It was a day where we were not on camera as much, we were in the audience for Luke being president.

And we were like, sorry buddy, we gotta go. Then by the way, you always shoot the guy making the speech, or the woman making the speech, and then cut to the audience. They get to go first, they have a bunch of dialogue. I just smiled and gave him the finger. And we convinced them to shoot our side of the scene first. So we could drive in the pouring rain, how many hours away? It's like an hour and a half to San Antonio.

But in like, like sleet and snow. In my Chrysler 300 rental car. Were you guys both in relationships at this time? She was with Paul. Yeah. And I was with Bri. And Bri was there for a good chunk of it. I just can't imagine you guys didn't fall in love.

Well, that's interesting. We didn't. Well, I felt like it was more than love. This is like when you fall in love with a human as your friend, like I would take a bullet for you. That was our thing. Yeah, molecular. Molecular, like you guys would take a bullet for you. That was our thing. Yeah, molecular. Molecular, like you guys.

But you're right, Monica, and I'm gonna say there's two or three things about you that I find really, really unique. And this is one of them. So if I hadn't had a girlfriend, I would have definitely tried to kiss you. Tried to pork me? I would have, because I liked you so much,

and you're female and attractive, so why on earth would I not? And was really young so we looked great. Yes You more than me cuz I was everyone still looks great. We all are great You on purpose had Frito body, which is a thing that I can't even imagine doing like I gotta eat all this shit Cuz I gotta look like shit on camera. Yeah, it's really telling that it was my second movie Like I would have never done that again, but I was like, I'll do anything. But also like, you were so young,

you didn't gain that much weight. It was fine. But I'm curious, how have you navigated that? Not boning people? Well, just you have a lot of male comedian friends. You and I met on that movie face to face, but I had seen you in Groundling shows. I was going through the program

and I mostly would see you and Steve Agee do things together. Oh yeah. You guys were such a good comedy duo and Groundling shows, I was going through the program and I mostly would see you and Steve Aji do things together. Oh yeah. You guys were such a good comedy duo and you were so raunchy together. Yes. And I was friends with Aji and I was thinking like, well if I was Aji I would definitely be in love with Maya

and then I would just think probably so many of these men that you've been comedically involved with were in love with you. How did you manage all that? First of all, thank you for this question because no one has ever asked me this and you're making me feel really good. involved with, were in love with you. How did you manage all that? First of all, thank you for this question because no one has ever asked me this and you're making me feel really good.

It definitely happened. But Maya, you're so beautiful and you're so talented. It's crazy. I should have come here a long time ago. I wouldn't have ever said this to me in my entire life. I don't know what to answer. In Groundlings, I had a boyfriend.

Okay, for how long? Most of it, and then he dumped me. I had passed up so much comedy dongs for this guy. I feel like between Groundlings and Saturday Night Live, having a boyfriend, I missed out on so much comedy dongs. Yeah. Which isn't legendarily great dongs. No, it's not. It's actually kind of known to be pretty comedy dongs. Yeah. Which isn't legendarily great dongs. No, it's not.

It's actually kind of known to be pretty bad dongs. Dark. Dark twisted. Toked up dongs. Twisted. And we're not talking about aesthetics. No. Emotional, emotional.

Emotionally twisted dongs. Heavy use of substances, sloppy. I dodged so many bullets in that respect. But the other thing is comedians and most thespians have such a fun flirtation. So you get to have that, especially with these dudes that feel like your brother. By the way, I was always in there with Forte. He was always naked. Right.

That's his kind of bit. As well as at SNL and the offices. I mean... Different time. With consent. Sure. With consent. Everyone was happy.

We're all good. There's no problem here. He would also help us be in on the bit. Like when Spivey and I shared an office at SNL, he was like, Hey, leave your office and come back and knock on the door. And when you knock on the door, there'll be a surprise for you, OK? Give me five minutes. So you got the consent, you were like, okay.

I get it, I get it. And then you knock on the door and he's sitting on your couch with his pants down at his ankles, holding his nuts. But the best part is he had trimmed his pubes and put them in a plastic bag and taped them in the door. No. Oh my God. Talk about twisted dog.

That was my bro bro from the old girlings days when we were childs. But yeah, I wish I'd gotten a lot more pussy. That mediocre. Yeah. It would have been fun to reflect. On that flaccid dog. But that's why you had boyfriends,

that answers that. I had moved back to LA with my college boyfriend. I also think you might not know that guys like you is my hunch too. That is something I know about myself. Right. Little bit of Monica-isms. Oh, you're like oblivious to that. I do have that because I've noticed in life, I'll say something, I'll say, yeah, he likes you. And I'm like, what? I didn't know that.

Right. Same over here. Why do you think that is? Because I find that fascinating about myself. My own personal theory Is that I'm also a little bit of a boy because of my upbringing I grew up with my brother my dad after my mom passed, you know I was seven so the majority of my childhood home was my dad and my brother and my brother's older and he was Super funny. So I just wanted to be like my brother right And so I'm a little bit of a dude DNA wise.

So that's yeah, your story I think. That's how you have explained why guys aren't hitting on you or liking you. Well then also I think that I relate to guys in that way maybe. Stay tuned for more of Farm Chair Expert, if you dare. If you dare. Well, Monica has a story too. I do, but mine's reality.

So it's like not cool to call it a story. That was great. Well, yeah, I grew up in, you know, God, how many times? She's never heard it, you can cut it out. Grew up in Georgia, all white, the boys didn't like me. Same experience, by the way. I had a hunch, and by the way, all of it's built on a single,

well I don't wanna diminish it. It is built largely on one very profound experience. Well that was the culmination, okay, it wasn't. There were lots of things that were telling me, uh-oh, being brown isn't so great Correct in this environment and then it culminated in sixth grade and this boy said he couldn't date me because my parents worked a Dairy Queen which they don't but Indians worked at the Dairy Queen or ran the Dairy Queen. I guess owned owned Owned. Owned probably, franchised.

Oh, we own this Dairy Queen. Okay, Dairy Queen. Exactly. In retrospect, they were very successful. But he liked her. He said, I want to, but I can't, because her parents work at Dairy Queen. And then, you know, that got back to me,

and then I was like, oh, I see, so they can't. It's not that they don't want to, it's just, okay, this thing about me has made it actually impossible. Ooh, yeah. For love. And then that really, really detoured the rest of my life. Wow. I think that we have a very similar experience. I grew up here in Los Angeles. I was the only mixed kid, let alone only brown girl in my class. And we're talking 80s. So at the birthday parties, girls would French braid each other's hair. And I was like,

check, please, no one's getting their fingers through this. And then there were those cute I'm not in 80s, so at the birthday parties, girls would French braid each other's hair, and I was like, check please. No one's getting their fingers through this. And then there were those cute little barrettes in the 80s that people would put little lanyard, pretty like strings in. Those didn't fit in my hair. Or like when I went to Mary Wigmore's boy girl swim party, I had short hair and it was very curly,

and Xander Maxic was like, go under the water. And so I'd go under the water and he'd be like, do it again. And I'd do it again and he goes, your hair looks like a sponge. And I'm 51 years old and it's still her. Yes. And then he was also the kid that was like,

hey, will you talk to Mary for me? It was always about my friend Mary. 100%. Who's like, beautiful, wonderful, funny. Great with kids, good dancer. All true. Great with kids, good dancer. All true. Great with kids. Great. When you said detour, what I heard was

the choice to detour for ourselves. We made that choice. We were like, I'm going over here to protect myself. Yes. And I only mean story because that was sixth grade. I know. You know? And so there mean story because that was sixth grade. I know. You know? I know.

And so there was a lot of time after that, I can only assume this in back data because I've been around her all the time for eight years and I see a lot of guys like her and guys come to the show and hold up signs and people hit on her in front of me and I can see and she can't. I'm just saying that once that changes your point of view,

it does become really hard to come back from that. 100%. I think the quintessential ingredient in that story, which makes it heartbreaking, is he liked you and you liked him. Yeah. And the friend was like, why don't you ask her out? You guys like each other. That's really gnarly that you were told that.

Yes. So then, yes, the story makes a ton of sense, which is, well, even if they like me, they're not going to, so I'm just turning off the whole thing because it's just going to be painful and hurtful and I'm going to protect myself. Anyways, I just think I know you miss it a lot and I had a hunch maybe you missed it a lot. You are very astute. And I also didn't realize,

because now that I've had four children and my body has become something I don't recognize, I look back at my young self in those grounding states and I was like, wow, I was so cute. Oh my God, you were so hot. My boobs were so cute. So perky. So perky, I was so cute. Oh my God, you were so hot. My boobs were so cute. So perky. So perky, I had the best boobs,

I had the best little bod and I didn't know it. You would have blown her right off the hill at Barton Springs if you would have unleashed those suckers. If those suckers came out to play at Barton Springs. I could have shut down the whole park. Everyone out of the water! Out of the water! Oh my God. What's it called?

This is also what happens, I'm not gonna remember words. What's it called when the sun is blocked and you have to look through the sun? Eclipse. Thanks. Yeah. We're coming up on one by the way. Really?

It's right around the corner. Yeah, it's about to happen. Whoa! Somehow you were getting even by doing that now. Warped line. I was just gonna smear her name through the whole thing. The other thing is I don't know if I know how to recognize people hitting on me.

Yeah. I genuinely don't think I'm that aware. I don't know what it looks like. When you said you saw it happening for Monica, did she not see it? No, we fight about it. I'll go, oh, that guy was hitting on you. And she'll go, no, he wasn't. He was saying blank. And then it's a fight.

And she's never gone, oh, really? I also think you're wrong a lot. Or you think something, okay. I know the ways of love, Monica. I don't know how much I can keep in of the story I'm about to say. We had someone on this show who was flirting with me. I was like, yeah, he's flirting,

but I know he's not so interested. Like I know. And we left in text, he's gonna ask you out. And I was like, I mean, maybe, whatever. And did Letterman call you? Yeah, actually, yeah. But at two in the morning. That's okay, it's fine.

He can get away with whatever he wants. He's probably just waking up. Actually, he's super flattering, it's the first thing you wanna do. You can do whatever you want. He was kind of flirty. He's the best. He was amazing.

He's the fucking greatest of all time. He really is. Continue. Okay, so he didn't all time. He really is. Continue. Okay, so he didn't, right? Like this went nowhere. And I actually was kind of mad at you when it went nowhere. Hold on a second.

He asked for her number. Okay, that's very clear. When we were taking pictures, that's right. He asked for her number. And Dax's. Both of ours. And then I walked him out and he said, Monica's so cool. That means.

Yeah, he's like telling me like, hey, Monica's so cool. How long have you guys known each other? Like he wants to know more about Monica. So questions equal. Interest. Okay, I agree, I'm not there yet. Maya, then he text her after the episode came out.

Now he has ghosted her. He has ghosted her. And said what? What did he say on the text? Was he like, you up? Ah, I wish. Me and Letterman are just hanging. That would have been more clear. I would have liked that. It wasn't clear.

No, and that's also not what happened. He texted right after we recorded and said like, Hey, I got you or something. I'm sorry? I know. That's like new slang. I'm learning it too. What does it mean? Like, I got your number.

That's flirty to me. He has ghosted her for sure. But there's another thing going on, which is there's also a reality of the world. This guy is very popular right now He's traveling all around and a lot of girls like him and he probably likes several girls And so yeah, he probably has his hands full and he ghosted Monica But I still maintain he liked her and he did reach out to her and he did ask for her number and to say that This young dude with every option in the world is like a great pursuer of thing

I'm not making that argument and he probably is distracted by all kinds of hot comedy dong right now. So much comedy dong. Well, I know, but like. Listen, I've never been anywhere in my life and then randomly met someone and then decided to get their number and then text them

because I want to be friends with a stranger. He liked you. I also don't think I've ever pursued anyone myself. So I don't know how it works. I can only imagine it can be painful when you pursue people and they don't reciprocate. So maybe his move is not so cool, but he tried. Then I texted him and then I was flirting.

And then there was full- Did you say you up? That's what everyone says. That's the go-to. It's the only text actually. There's one button now on younger people's phone and it says one button that says you up. Great idea. Patent that, hurry.

I texted him and I was flirty and then there was no response. Gross. I was mad at you first because I was an easy target and then I really was honest with myself and I was like, man, this is why I don't do this. No, Monica, that's not the right lesson. Yeah, because I know it's, listen, stop.

So he is, so, you know, it's like, he likes you, ah, that was me protecting myself. And then I was like, you know what, no, I am gonna text him, I am gonna flirt. And then full ghosting was like, oh yeah, this is why you don't do this. I totally get it. I've been ghosted in that way as well,

and it makes you feel like, oh, no good deed goes unpunished. Why did I fucking open like a sliver of my heart? And I wasn't going to, I was being smart. Yeah, you went against what you thought was right. But again, there is a reality that this person has been out of town virtually since we met him, and he's being nominated for everything.

And there are a lot of girls, I'm sure, in his sphere. Whatever, you say I'm busy. All that's not good, but it does not say that he didn't actually like you. Oh, he liked you. Yes. It's clear to me, but I will say, I don't think it's the last text you'll ever get from him.

Well, it might be the last text he ever gets from me. This episode's brought to you by Loudie Mio. Loudie Mio, no. My little Mio. Anyway, we really got derailed. I disagree. That was good rail. I think you're right and I love that you thought about it. That makes me love you more because I know as my friend you see me.

So that makes me feel really good. And I'm also in good company because it's such a similar experience. I was, you know, in a small group of kids growing up and felt so ugly duckling vibes. I'm going to also say it was compounded by you're in LA at Crossroads. Some of the white people that are relative to you are like princesses on planet earth. It's not even just like you're rummaging around my hometown in Michigan. It's pretty extreme. And I had a similar thing of like, the boy I loved my whole childhood. The elementary school that I went to,

we were a small group of kids, was 25 kids, and I was in love with Dax Miller. He was, you know him? I never, yeah. I just, my breath went away because I heard you were in love with Dax. I know. First came out.

Well I told you, you're the only other Dax I've ever known. That's the only Dax other than him I've ever heard of. Dax Miller was the love of my life and he did not love me back all my friends do I loved him. I loved him. I loved him He was fucking huge and he had this big blonde bowl cut. He's super hot now He's grown out of his bowl cup, but he's very handsome married man in the old days He was the love of my life I just knew that that was my person. And we were really good friends.

And then junior high, great friends. And I was like, it's about to happen. He's about to go down. Nothing happened. And then he left school, but then he came back as a senior. And I think he had the nerve to tell me at our 30th high school reunion, like, oh, I was in love with you.

I was like, you know what, bitch? First of all, that doesn't count now. Exactly. And do you even believe him? I was in love with you. I was like, you know what, bitch? First of all, that doesn't count. Exactly. Now. And do you even believe him? I don't. I do. I don't believe him. Like, why didn't he tell me then? You guys, both of you.

It's easy for him to say now. Thank you. You guys are the smartest and dumbest fucking people I've ever met. Monica, can you look at Maya and go, of course anyone would be in love with her, duh. 100%. And then Maya, can you look at Monica

and go like, of course. But it doesn love with her. Duh! And then, can you look at Monica and go like, of course! But it doesn't penetrate. Yeah, it's true. Did you have a thing that I've figured out I have in therapy, which is I seek specifically white male approval so much because that was who was rejecting me all the time?

Ooh, God, I have to think about that one. I might as well throw a hand in the air, like it was a gospel. It just like, sent a shiver down my spine. I'm trying to think. I mean, yes and no, because I feel like I've also worked out some things. I also have, well, my dad's Jewish.

I guess he looks white. My dad is super human, great guy. He's like the best guy in the world, so I don't have bad dad stuff. It's really interesting. There's a type of white guy that I know I'm invisible to. Interesting. And it's kind of like a fratty guy.

They can't see me. I don't register for them. They don't know what to make of me. There's just some opaqueness in the air. They don't get it, and they don't wanna get it. It doesn't compute. And I do find that very fascinating. Yeah.

God, again, I'm not sure I believe you entirely, but I think probably 80%. There's no way to know. There isn't. I'd have to be around you in some blowhard jocks to see. You're triggering a slight memory of being single. By the way, I've only had like three boyfriends. Yeah, yeah.

You've not really been single much in your life. No, but that's the thing. They're just long relationships. I haven't been like, dong to dong or anything like that. Don't know where this dong ends and that one begins. I mean, endless, endless dong. Same time. But I do remember being at a bar once,

like on the west side. Maybe I was in Venice and my hair was, I started relaxing it when I was at SNL, but before it was my natural curls. It's very thick, natural curly hair. It's quite beautiful. I've seen many photos and you used to be at the groundlings with that. At the groundlings, yeah.

Once I got to SNL and couldn't get under the wigs, we had to reroute and then I just never got out of the root. I'm gonna get there one day. I look forward to it. Thank you. You too. But I was gonna say I met a guy at a bar and he was like, hey, wild woman.

Oh my god. And I remember being like, hi. Oh, that's what you see. Yeah. You're so being like, hi. Oh, that's what you see. Yeah. You're so right to be upset. And also you've got to consider the source sometimes. It's like you're giving these dumb 20 year old people that are drunk some kind of wisdom they don't have.

I know, but they're running the world at the time. He's swinging for the fences. Thank you, I agree with that. Let me just say, you're assuming he really thinks that, and then I'm going on the walk up to you, he's running through ideas. I'm gonna say, hey sexy mama're assuming he really thinks that, and then I'm going like, on the walk up to you, he's like, he's running through ideas. I'm gonna say, hey, sexy mama. No, hey, chicky mama.

Ooh, wow, woman. Again, butt hole is tight. Oh yeah. It's like, this dude, you just don't even know what he was cycling through before he laid it. Wow, woman. That's a zero. You lose.

Yes, yes, yes. But I do wanna say, to bring it all the way back, I couldn't be more grateful that wasn't our trajectory because I've got to be friends with you for 20 years and I've loved it so much. And you're right. We have a very fun, flirty time together. We play.

I knew in anticipation of today that my stomach was gonna hurt and I was really excited about that. Yeah, same. And that's probably the best outcome you could have. Agreed. Okay, now when I was reflecting back, I'm embarrassed by several things from that period.

Really? Yes. You were on a journey at that time. I was on a journey. I was sober while we were working, but I hadn't fully figured that out yet. That was coming in six months. I remember that.

Yeah, yeah. But beyond that, I had been trying for eight years to get employment, and then you met me, Punk Ted aired nine months before that, and I'd just done one movie, and then I was there doing this movie with you. So like, I was so enamored with everything. I was so ambitious. I had such interest in everything, in fame, all this stuff.

You were very patient with me. I was thinking back today of some of the things you had to kind of just wade through. And now that I have daughters who have famous parents, I have an entirely different perspective that I didn't have then. So like my daughter recently shared with me, we're in the pool, she was going to go to a friend's house. And I said, when you go to the sleepover, do you downplay how much money we have or

where we've been? And she goes, for sure. But also those friends know I really hate talking about that. And I said, oh, do people want to talk to you about that a lot? And she goes, yeah, at least twice a week someone comes up to me on the playground and is like, are you rich?

What's your mom like? That whole thing that she has to deal with, that's a bummer. Of course, I grew up broke and I wanted people to think I was rich enough. She's got this thing and it's a completely other thing I would have never anticipated but I think about that in the same way I wanted to know about your mom and I love your mother's music and I would sing I did this kind of

theoretically I don't know if you remember this I would sing loving you all the time and you at one point finally had to say like you got to stop singing that around me I did huh yeah I? Yeah. Good for you, I'm glad you said that. I am too. But I thought I said it if that's how I felt. I'm sure I was honest with you about why it's too painful. It's very painful, which of course I'm so stupid, I'm not even thinking that.

I'm thinking you must be so proud that was your mom. My mother didn't die at seven. I don't know what you're thinking. But right after you told me, we were then filming a scene in like a stadium and there was all kinds of extras and they were local hires from all over Texas. So it was like a whole cross section of folks.

And several people came up to you and just started talking to you about your mom. And then I went like, oh my God, yeah, I was doing that too. And no wonder this is a very complicated topic. And yeah, these strangers want to come up to you and talk to you about that. I could see how rough it was, but I did it. And I didn't know.

And also what's interesting is there's so many layers to it. Strangers as opposed to a friend who's like, oh, this is cool to talk about, but not having that thought, oh, maybe this person doesn't want to talk about it. Also, that was at a different stage in my life where that would be painful to me, whereas now I'm just like, oh my God, okay, yeah,

go ahead, go for it, sing it, but it's not painful. But I was still pretty young. And it wasn't like a magic bullet of, oh, I have kids now, I'm healed. But after I started having my kids, I think I looked back and went like, oh, I don't feel the pain in the same way, but it's never gonna be gone.

It's just that I hadn't processed any of it at that time in my life. I watched Terms of Endearment recently as an adult parent. Oh, I should do that. Ooh, cause she's saying goodbye to her kids. She knows she's dying. Oh. And it's like, are you fucking kidding me?

Oh yeah. Brutal. But I didn't identify that when I saw it before cause I wasn't a parent, I wasn't a mom. Right. But yeah, that's so interesting and I don't remember. You don't. It's funny, a lot of the stuff I carry around, I even remember being kind of overly interested

that you were dating Paul. You know, of course I worshiped him like every other boy as a director. And that was new for us. We were still kind of figuring it out. Like I don't even know if we were on or off at that time. It was like early doors. Yeah, you were on and I remember calling him

by his full name and I remember this look on your face. I was like, oh yeah, I just did something really weird. I clearly just fell off the term truck and I don't know what I'm doing. But that's also you. Like of course you said his full name, you know? Yeah, it is. You're dad.

You've always been dad. Ha ha ha ha. Well, so the other thing that confused me greatly, you might remember this, but I remember you and I had this conversation, which is when you signed on to do that movie, you had to give them an option. Oh my God, I can't, I'm like, wait, what?

The then head of comedy, or maybe she was the president of Fox. I don't even remember what position she had, but very high up, she wanted to have a meeting with you. Your life was very, very hectic. No questions about it. You're shooting that movie and you were doing SNL and a lot was going on, but you were like,

I don't know when I'm gonna go talk to this person about blah, blah, blah. And I said, there's an executive that wants to make a movie with you. This is such good news. And you were like, yeah, I don't know. I say that because I've continued to witness this the whole time I've known you.

You have this very, very loose, confident relationship with this job which almost none of us have. I think I've come to have it, but you've always had this very take it or leave it, or at least from the outside. I know, I know I have it. It's super weird, and I don't know why. You have no explanation for it.

I don't, but I agree with you. I even heard myself know I have it. It's super weird. And I don't know why. You have no explanation for it. I don't, but I agree with you. I even heard myself say something this morning. I was like, I like to walk. Like if it doesn't work, I like to walk. I don't know. And I don't consider myself the healthiest person emotionally. I've had lots of therapy, but I did start to notice that I'm like that.

I'm sure it has something to do with my parents growing up in an entertainment, like a musical household, because they were musicians, they weren't actors, but that felt very relaxed to me. And their friends did it, and that was really relaxed. And there was something about that that was pretty fucking cool, but also really normal. My trajectory was I wanted to go to New York,

and I wanted to be on Saturday Night Live. For the experience, not necessarily to have a bunch of movies that you lead and all that. I mean, let's be honest, yeah, I wanted that too. I understand that drive to be somewhere else, forage in a new city and create my own path, but that's a huge undertaking. I wasn't like, oh, my dad writes songs, that's going to make me a comedian. There was no direct line. I knew I had to get there myself.

And also it's interesting because my mom was a singer that not all my friends were that aware of at the time. Everybody that knows who I am now knows that's my mom, but growing up I didn't feel like she was a household name. I felt like she was special. Yeah, yeah. We didn't have MTV yet and she was never on it. She was also insanely young when she died.

She was 31 when she died. 31. Think about that. Isn't that wild? It's fucking nuts. 20 years younger. You live 20 years longer. I'll never get over how young she was.

I was talking about it with my 10 year old daughter yesterday, because my mom died of cancer. Growing up with the knowledge of cancer, it was just a death sentence for people. And now we have so many people that we know that are getting through it. I never would have imagined a world where, yeah, you could survive.

Totally, when you heard someone's parent had cancer, you were hearing they were dying. They're dying, that's right. That knowledge of people know my mom was a singer, but they don't really know who my mom was. Or they're like, oh, I love that song. And then they're like singing Aretha Franklin song. And I was like, wait, what?

R-E-S-P-E-C-T McFarl McFly a vision. It was so cheesy. It was just very confusing. And then my last name is Rudolph and not Ripperton. So when I started doing SNL, people didn't really know she was my mom. And they figured it out later. So look, when you're a kid and your mom dies, you don't want people to know that. But then people are like, oh, and she was a singer, right?

Right, this added element. Let's talk about it. You're like, no, dude, I'm eight, I don't wanna talk about it. Right, if she hadn't been a singer, you probably would have had to talk about it far less. For sure. We interviewed Jason Ritter

and he told this story that's really heartbreaking and America felt a certain way about John Ritter. It's not just that people knew who he was. We all loved John Ritter. He was ours. Yes, and so he's talking about being at a bar and all of a sudden this girl leans over the thing and she's like, I loved your dad.

And then she turns around, Cosmos for everyone. In the same breath, he's like, oh my God, how am I supposed to react to what just happened? Oh boy. My second theory. I love all your theories, this is fun. Yeah, it's so kind of entitled There's something about it that is obnoxious

But nevertheless some party you thinks you were supposed to be a singer and so all of the other stuff Was great. That's a good point, but some voice in your head was like I'm eventually supposed to step up to the plate and do that. I will probably never do it supposed to step up to the plate and do that? I will probably never do it professionally, or for real, I should say, because I have a band. Princess. Yeah, but it's fun. There's no me in there.

There's a little protective layer over Maya. There is a large protective layer, which is usually called comedy. Right. Also referred to as? As comedy, and I don't sound like my mom when I sing, so I'm good. Meaning you don't sing as good as her,

so why would you do it? Yes, I think in my mind, my whole life, like. Oh my god, Maya, this is another thing, so. Fuck. Let me be clear. I think there's an expectation. My mother had a five octave range. I'm a singer in my heart and soul.

I'm actually more of a harmonizer. I love a harmony, but that requires other voices. But you're not gonna see me solo Aerosmith style rocking the mic. This is a little bit like boys, I'm sorry. Cause here's what the rest of us were thinking. We'd watch these SNL sketches. It's so funny, you're so funny.

And then you have this moment where you're like, this isn't funny at all. This is outrageously great singing. Kristen thinks you're dynamite. Anyone who sings thinks you're a dynamite singer. Well, I'm shocked that Kristen does because she's a singer, but that's also because I think she loves me

and I love her. I don't think so, but I think this is boys. This is boys. This is boys. Well, maybe as a parent to children of people who are creative, you will appreciate this. It's something that I do to myself. I've seen it in my children sometimes

where they'll start something and I can see the gears turning of like, if this isn't great, I'm not gonna do it. So that's me with real music. And I say real music meaning pouring my heart and soul and bearing my voice. Being really vulnerable about it. Yeah, so there's two things I've never done

that I know I could try if I wanted to and I refuse to. And one is that kind of music where I'm bearing my fucking soul. You let it rip like Sinead O'Connor and you go here's the inside of my body. Now I sing that in the car, but no one will ever be in there. I'm gonna be in your trunk one day.

Sure, right. And then the second one is stand up comedy because to me stand up comedy is very naked. Oh yeah. And I have never done it. Do you berate yourself for not having done it? No, I recognize why and I understand and I'm proud of myself for that self care of,

oh you don't feel comfortable doing that, you feel comfortable doing this and you follow that. Good for you, I'm proud of you that you've figured that one out. Oh that's good. But I am more comfortable with the idea of being naked in that comedy way more than I used to be. I have no aspirations to become a standup,

but I do think it would be kind of fun to try it. You just did some shows with Tina and Amy, right? Did something happen there where you were like, oh right. No standup, but I did get to watch their stand up, which again, I think we're all at a place in our lives where we know ourselves a lot better. And I fully enjoyed watching that. Knowing my friends in that way and watching their versions

of what that was, was absolutely fascinating. In college, you wanna be a comedian and I would write stand up. And I was like, there's no fucking way. I'm going to say any of this publicly, ever. And I don't know if it's now being so comfortable on a stage. Not that I'm Mr. Cool every time I'm on stage. Of course I get nervous, but there's a different experience.

A lot of experience. It's that thing of like, if you've walked the room, then you're more comfortable if you've never done it. I've done it. So at a place like Largo, for example, it's a very comfortable stage. I know the stage well, I know what it looks like. So it doesn't freak me out.

The sound of your voice, your actual voice in the microphone, that doesn't freak me out anymore. So I feel like it would be interesting. Yeah. More of like as a human fun experiment and also just for joy. That's what I want to do. I don't have any aspirations of going to do this,

but if I'm on my deathbed and I'm like, wow, you really never did it, I just felt like I would be very bummed with that. I knew I wanted to and I was afraid. You think that now the reason that you would be able to do it is just far more self-confidence? Well, I did it for about a year and a half or two years and I loved it and then we had kids

and then I never did it again. And it went pretty well. It went better than I was expecting and then what I have is a really arrogant thing which is I watch someone else's stand up and I'm so blown away by it. That you think you can do it. And I feel like, not that I can do what they can do,

but I go, I do have a point of view I haven't figured out how to share comedically. I have something about vulnerability and trauma and all these different things and addiction that I'm not seeing someone do that. I feel like at least the ingredients are in there. I should challenge myself to try to do that. So it's more driven by that.

Okay, this loosey goosey relationship with the business in a way you've won hugely because of it. I was watching an interview with you and Amy today. What time did you get up today? I got up with Letterman at 2 a.m. You guys were sharing about, you had been there just before she got there, and there was this very specific scene

where you guys started actually having fun, where it had transcended the nerves of doing the show and getting the thing right, and something happened between the two of you, and it was the first moment for both of you where you were like, oh, you can have a very good time while doing this. And then once that happened,

that just gave rise to however many things you guys did together. And you would write in effort to get to that point where you two were having fun on stage. Not that that wouldn't have all happened, but if you're crazy ambitious and competitive and you're strangleholding this, I think you'd be more threatening to a lot of people.

Sure. I think you've had tremendous friendships. I'm sorry, I'm gonna go backwards. Here's the analogy I've made. Kobe Bryant won more championships than. Which one, am I Kobe or Shaq? Than Shaquille. Am I Kobe and you're Shaq?

I'm neither. I just wanna be one of them. You're Shaq. Oh man, wow. Listen, Shaq only won three rings, but Shaq is best friends with everyone he's ever played with. When there's a dock on him,

people can't wait to go talk about them. And when you think of the big win in life, I've just always been like, I'm aspiring to be Shaq. You bring up something that's interesting because I don't see myself that way, but Amy's really into, is it Enneagrams? Is that how you say it? Oh, Enneagrams, yeah.

That's your number, right? By the way, still can't remember what it was. I know, same. But she remembers mine. She remembers mine, she remembers hers, she remembers all of ours. She probably can guess people's before they take the test. And she can guess people's before.

And one of the things that she reminds me of is that my number, which for the life of me, I cannot remember, I wanna say it's seven, and I bet it's eight or nine. Textbook seven, can't remember her number. And that's what she reminds me of. But also that I like to have fun. And I also have heard myself say when it comes to work,

a lot of my work has been because of the groundlings and because of SNL and that's a group based comedy. It's a comedy sport. I know I'm gonna get to play with my friends, which is exactly what we did. And that, to me, is why I say yes to things. And so I've heard myself say, oh, it's gonna be so fun.

Now, I can be a moody bastard. I'm not somebody who seems like the ketamine therapy has worked all the time. Like, I definitely can be grumpy, but I wanna have fun when I'm making stuff, specifically comedy, which is what I prefer to do. And that to me has always been the MO. So it's really interesting because I didn't really notice that in myself.

It was my friend saying, you always like to have fun. I was like, fuck, you're right. I like to have fun with my friends and I like to laugh super hard. I feel funnier because they are making me laugh and I want to make them laugh. So I feel funnier and I get funnier because I want to make someone who I adore and admire and who I think is so fucking funny laugh.

That's where it comes from. I think the reward of it is like, you've had all these wonderful little mini partnerships, like Forte or with Amy or you and Armisen are just so delightful, and clearly you have so much fun together. And when I'm around him, I'm like, yeah, I just want to get this guy to giggle

more than anything. Oh, it's the best thing in the world. Oh yeah. I just admire the way you've done this since I've met you for 20 years. I'll give you a great example, like you did chips for me, which was such a huge, lovely thing to do. And oh my God, do we have fun. It's still my favorite scene in the movie.

It's so weird. That was such a sweet rekindling of love. It was. I remember acting with you and just having so much fun and thinking like, well, I just would like it if this scene just went on for another five hours. Yes. Stay tuned for more Farm Chair Expert. If you dare.

Did you do any group sports as a kid? I wasn't great at sports. So I did like a girls softball team. I did a lot of roller skating, which is a solo sport. Okay. And I danced, but I was a theater kid. As soon as I could, I was in every musical, which is kind of a team sport.

It is a team sport. And I think if you have an early experience of what it feels like to be on a team, I was just thinking about this the other day. I was thinking about someone and I was like, man, they really would have benefited from being on a team sport because you understand the feeling of thriving together.

Having each other's back. And how much better it feels. Winning together instead of solo. Yeah, it feels better. And if I'm really thinking about what you're bringing up, there is something that I am avoiding. I don't want that. Everybody, can I have your attention, please?

Look at me. The reason I brought up chips is, I've also asked you to be't want that. Everybody, can I have your attention, please? Look at me. The reason I brought up chips is I've also asked you to be on the podcast like 11 times. You have? Yeah, yeah, and you're like, yeah, I will. I'll get to it. Oh my God. Because that would be you doing the exact thing

you're talking about. You coming in and being just you. Talking about yourself. Talking about yourself, you're like, ah. But if I invite you to play in a movie, you're there in one second. I think that's kind of very indicative of you. I'm a little bit of a shy guy. I'm a little hider Yes, like the wolf spider. I'm a wolf

Spider, please call me wolf spider. Oh, I love her share Rudy the wolf I did finding your roots the genealogy show with Skip Gates. We went back, he said at the time it was the furthest he'd gone back in Jewish genealogy. And my great, great, great, great, great grandfather was Wolf Rudashevsky. Wolf.

Now your grandfather in Florida owned all the Wendy's in Miami-Dade County. Sid Rudolph, that's right. Wow. Did you get to go there and order whatever you wanted? Did you have like a family card? No, I fucking wanted one. I loved Wendy's.

Me too, but we didn't have them in California when I was a kid. It was a really big deal. What age did you move here? I grew up here, but my family was in Miami. My dad grew up in Miami. All the Rudolph's were in Florida. Eating that good old free Wendy's.

Eating those Frosties and dipping their fries in their Frosties. And I never got to do it unless we'd visit my family. Because we were the only Rudolphs that lived in California. And would you go with grandpa to some of his Wendy's? Probably. Like when Dave Thomas would visit? I never met Dave. Oh shit. Or Wendy.

Was he real? Wendy. We know she's not real. She's not real? Isn't she Dave Thomas' daughter? I thought it was the coolest thing. Yes! And I learned something later in life that I didn't know.

My grandfather, we could do an entire show about him. Incredibly fascinating man. My dad's father, Sid Rudolph. He was always an incredible businessman. And he and his brother, Lenny, before the Wendy stuff, they created a thing called Trip Charge, which was a card that you could take with you on trips and charge money to.

And they sold it to Diners Club and it became the credit card. No. Oh my God. And he also owned all the Rudy's, which ding ding ding, Rudolph. Yeah, Rudy's was my uncle Doug and my grandfather said. Those were their restaurants. Oh my God.

Have you heard of a Rudy's before? Yes, yes. I've been down south quite a bit. Wait a minute, of course you have. You're the guy that introduced me to Ol' Guys. Okay, great, because that's on my list. So last thing I wanna talk about before we talk about Lut. We need to talk about Ol' Guys.

We have to, because again, this is in keeping with how patient you were with me. You went to whatever we said, Boston Market. I sure did. You introduced me to Hooters as an eating establishment. Yeah, good chicken sandwich. That's what you said then. I know.

It was the Buffalo chicken sandwich to be exact. It is actually dynamite, unfortunately. I wish they had like a drive-through. Unfortunately. Well, I don't wanna be in there. No,ite, unfortunately. I wish they had like a drive-through. Well, I don't wanna be in there. No, we ate inside. I knew there was no option. You are reminding me that there was a joy for me

in how much you loved it and how disinterested I was in ever eating there and yet I wanted to know. Yeah. And the fact that you loved it. Well, you're a bit of an anthropologist. You like to go see someone in their habitat. It was so fun to me that you wanted this

that I had to experience it and I had to see your joy. How happy I was. You were so happy and I remember it and I remember really liking it. It's a really good chicken sandwich. I haven't been back. But what happens is those gals are flirty with you. I don't feel like they were flirty with us at all.

Well, my first thing is like, you don't have to do any of that. I feel bad about this part of it. Sure, did you look down at the menu? My memory again is horrible, but I do remember it not being a terribly flirty experience I'm very normal and I was like, oh, it's cuz I'm here. Oh like normally this would be going off Yeah, like they have a code that they're like, hey there Hey cowboy, what are we gonna have today, sailor?

I felt like, oh, he's with a girl, we're good. I don't have to put that voice on. Okay, so while we were there, I was telling you about my very favorite Greek restaurant. We were getting to know each other and telling each other our entire life stories, and one of them was your favorite restaurant. In Michigan is this place, Olga's,

and they're all over in Michigan. Huge chain. I missed the chain part when you told me about it. And by the way, me even knowing that they were all over the place didn't mean it was a chain to me. Somehow. I know that makes no sense, but then we got home from the trip and fucking by George,

I discovered there was a singular Olga's in California, and it was in Thousand Oaks, which was not far from where you lived. And Bree and I had gone, and I called you, I'maks, which was not far from where you lived. And Bree and I had gone and I called you, I'm like, you're not gonna believe this, like you guys are only 20 minutes from an Olga's. Okay, take over. So I said to Paul, we have to go.

We have to go to Olga's. Dax says this is his favorite Greek restaurant. Oh no. I feel like there was a specific dish that you kept mentioning. You need the original, I'll go with triple cheese and the cheese snackers and then the bottomless salad. But.

Oh. So I said. And the whole thing's nine dollars. We have to go and I'm thinking there's this magical Greek. Culinary master piece. Tiny hole in the wall, can you believe it's in California? We're about to have. The most authentic.

The most authentic Greek culinary experience of our entire lives. I'm sweating. So we get in the car and we fucking barrel it out to Thousand Oaks. And I'm so excited. This is reminding me how much I love this guy. He's like my buddy, and I'm telling you, I don't even know were we texting yet in those days.

Maybe it was early texting. One number at a time, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's so much worse that you went with Paul and not together. Oh, we were not together. I went with Paul and I was like, you're not gonna believe this. This is incredible. And by the way, at this point, when we're single digit texting, I'm like, you're not gonna believe this. This is incredible.

And by the way, at this point when we're single digit texting, I'm like, I can't wait for this review. They're gonna thank me. The amount of thanks I'm about to get. So we go, we find it, I was like, oh wait, shit, I see it from the freeway. And I was like, get off here. Oh my God, we're here. It's in a total strip mall.

I was very surprised at what I discovered. It looked like a very straightforward, not at all a mom and pop shop. No. Robots could have been making everything. It's a TGIF Friday. That's right. I've also been.

Oh, so you know. In Michigan. It's a little closer to the source. So, yeah, that's it. That's it. Did you like it? I did, I knew what I was wanting. I knew how to sell it at this point. Yeah, you learned your lesson That's it. Did you like it? I did, but I knew what I was wanting.

I knew how to sell it at this point. Yeah, you learned your lesson. Because of this experience. Yeah, so I was expecting like the finest hummus that I've ever... Probably flaming cheese. Oopa! Flaming cheese, absolutely. The pita bread is just melting in my mouth.

Yeah, I mean, dishes of La Diamonia everywhere. So we sit down at a booth among the other commoners. And you're directly across from the cowboy doors that go into the kitchen. That's right. So to my right are these cowboy doors. Saloon doors. Which I will never forget, an important component to the story.

So sitting there, I'm like, all right, Dex, we gotta get these poppers and these bottomless salad, and these things are supposed to be really good. And I'm kinda like looking around like, I feel like we're at a McDonald's, but I'm not gonna say that. You gotta trust what you taste.

Are you also feeling codependent for Paul? Like I brought him here. Yes. That's right. You are also mentioning the underlying factor of I have fucking vouched for this place. Yes. And it's gonna be fucking great.

We've driven to thousand oaks. You're halfway to Santa Barbara. That's right. For this place. And it's gonna be fucking great. We've driven to thousand oaks. You're halfway to Santa Barbara. That's right. For this food. So we're still in it. And he's gotten to know you and loves you. And he's like, my man, this is great. So we finally have somebody come over to our table.

They took our order at our table. We did not order at a counter. We ordered and I said, we'll have this and this. And I'm thinking like, maybe we'll get that first. And they write everything down. They leave our table and they walk to the saloon doors where they exit. And then the saloon doors fly back open. They didn't stop swinging.

And all of our food was ready. And they brought it to the table. That is not. Oh! Ha ha ha! And they brought it to the table, and we kinda looked at each other like, what the fuck is going on? Ha ha ha! It's like a Twilight Zone or something. Wait, it gets so much better. Oh no!

So we're sorta like, oh, oh, that really was really fast. All right, that's the Olga's secret is what my brain is telling me. That's the Olga's secret. That's the old Olga's one, two, three. I'm sure Grandma Olga's back there right now. She had your booth mic'd. So like she was whipping it up

before it even got back to the kitchen. So our span of copen was hot, all of it. The salad was hot. The salad was hot. So we dig in and I'm kinda looking at Paul like, Oh no. What am I missing here? Is somebody fucking with us?

And then I look at him and he looks at me and he goes, are we dead? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I will never forget. I mean, what a review. For the rest of my life. What a review. I've never heard a funnier thing said.

Are we dead? Are we dead? Like, yeah, maybe you died on the drive up there. Oh my God, that's incredible. It was worth the price of admission. Oh, that is so funny. It's so funny too. Talk about stories and stuff.

When you gave me your review of the experience, it's like I had a bag over my head and all of a sudden I saw the reality of life and I was like, oh, you're right. There are a million of them and it is fast food and shit, I sent them all the way up there. Oh my God, but guess what? I went because of how much you loved it and that made me so happy.

Poppers! Are we dead? Till the day I die, the most classic line ever delivered by a human being, are we dead? That is impeccable. I mean, wow. I wonder how much of the food you even ate. I don't remember. I don't even remember what anything tasted like. I just remember having an almost out of body experience,

like what's happening? Yes. What's going on? The Zagat Review would have said like, this Greek airplane food. Oh. This Greek Denny's. Oh, God.

I probably would have thought I was being punked. I think we probably said that one. Yeah. Over and over and over. Are we being punked? Wow. Oh, it's great. If I say Dax,

Paul usually just says Olgas. I mean, the fact that you remember the name of it, because it was 20 years ago. I will never stop remembering. And sadly, it closed down very shortly after that. Because I was going up there. I think it was after that public review. Are we dead? Really was the nail in the coffin.

Come in for the poppers, stay cause you're dead. Olgas. The other element of this that was such a joy was you really enjoyed our review. I love being embarrassed. You do? I do. I understand why some men didn't like Barbie. I love Barbie so much and I've watched it four times

because I love when I recognize, oh my God, I've done that. Oh my God, I've explained the Godfather to a woman. You saw it, I presume? Of course. Yeah, so we're driving home and it's the two little girls and Kristen and I and I'm driving and from the backseat,

Lincoln goes, Mom, has dad ever played his guitar at you? And Kristen goes, Oh yeah. And I just started fucking cackling with embarrassment. Oh, it's wonderful. Yeah, I love like when I'm so stupid sometimes. It just really gets me. I know that you enjoy it and it's reciprocal.

You know I love you and therefore I'm laughing at you with you. You are mad. But also I enjoy the delight that you get from that. Well the reason. That makes me feel good. The reason the whole thing can be good is because you are the type of people that I like to think I am too, which is like if something's going wrong,

my kind of first reaction is like, oh good, I'll have a story. All in all, that trip's not a bummer for you guys. It's this very funny moment in your life where Paul said the funniest thing that's ever been said about a meal, and then ultimately everyone's delighted it all happened. So there is some level,

if you would've called him and been like, what the fuck was that? Paul's never gonna trust me again. I probably wouldn't have been able to laugh at myself. Oh, I would've been like, pit in my stomach. Yes. So the fact that you guys had a pretty good-natured reaction, I felt like I was an eight year old

who told you my favorite restaurant. And that's basically what it was. Not everybody has that sense of humor about themselves that you can all talk about something. So you refrain. So that's the joy. Why do I have a memory of us meeting there and going a second time?

I feel like me, you, Brie, Paul. I bet you dreamt it. You think so? There's no way you guys would have gone back, did you? Because I almost feel like it was so funny. I know that I had dinner with you and Paul and Brie one time. I guess I thought it was there. You think we went to Ulka?

Check with Paul. You know what? He would remember. We went somewhere. You know the other thing I would do too is like I was just such a Philistine and a simpleton. I had my birthday at Buco di Beppo in the Pope room and I like made famous friends at this point I didn't even understand that they thought it was pretty crazy. My birthday was in the strip mall. I've still never been there

You gotta go. It's so fun. You go to the Pope room Maybe we should have a big family with our kids and shit there. There you go That's like the perfect place and there's one kind of between us. So earmark this. Good call. Okay, Loot. I watched three episodes today. You don't have to do this, but God bless you, sir. No, no, I'm gonna do this. Because you know what? Even if I wasn't gonna do it for you,

I wanna do it for the person I entered the growlings with who to this day, there are two people, having gone through the growlings, I said there will be no justice on planet Earth if neither of these two people are recognized for how genius they are. One of them was Melissa McCarthy, because I just had known her from the beginning,

and she was working. She had a house before any of us did, but I was like, this is not right. Her as Suki was not the Melissa that we were on stage with. That was a very different animal. Who you, I imagine, would agree. She's the funniest human I've ever seen on that stage. Yeah, 150%.

In all the ways, sketch, improv, everything. That was why she was what she was in Bridesmaids and it was that moment of all of us going like, people are gonna finally see it. Yes, she was every legendary comedian we had grown up with just sitting there waiting. And the other person I have always felt that way about is Nat Faxon.

I just have loved Nat Faxon. No one cracks me up like him. I'm just so delighted to see him on this show with you. It's such a joy. People still don't know we've known each other for so long. Like I guess I was maybe 23, 24, 25, somewhere in that range when I met him,

which means he was a child, because he's a youngster. Yeah, he's probably two years younger than me, yeah. You're younger than me, right? By a year or two. So that makes a difference when you're in your 20s. And just the best. When you're with an old friend like that,

it's the same thing for us. I know I'm going to laugh. I know that person knows the old me and I'm still that person for them. And all of that just comes to life. And people don't know that we knows the old me and I'm still that person for them and all of that just comes to life and people don't know that we've known each other for so long so there's this instant camaraderie and chemistry that comes alive that we can't even help.

We're just fucking around all the time. And you get to be together on set all day long. It's really nice. This is the other thing you've managed to do is almost everything you've done's been with a friend. I know it is by choice and it's probably part and parcel of not that hiding thing as much as I want to feel good I want to feel safe. I think I got better at it after I had Pearl when I had my oldest daughter I remember thinking how hard it was to be working away from home when I had a baby at home and how painful that was If you're doing something that doesn't feel good.

And so I remember teaching myself, when you go out in the world, make sure you're happy with what you're doing because you would rather be at home with her. It has to be worth it. It has to be worth it. And that's not to say that it's that easy to always accomplish, but it's certainly the goal.

And if you can do that, makes a world of difference. Plus, we have the luxury of knowing so many fucking funny people. That's the thing about the group sport of it is we got so lucky. It's almost impossible. When I look at how many of us from that three year time window there are all working

and you might bump into each other all over the place, it's one of the most special things in my life. I agree with you. And I've thought about this a lot because I'm no longer a cast member at SNL. And when I go back, something I've noticed is we're now living in a time where everyone has a phone. So when we interact, it's usually not like this.

It's usually people have their phones out. But when I worked at the show, we were all playing together all the time. And same thing for Groundlings, all we did was look each other in the eye and play. All the time. I know, fuck, I mean that is the crazy gift. I had all these fantasies and this was gonna feel like that

and success and the money and blah, blah, blah. No, the hack of all hacks is that I spent the majority of my time as an adult working playing. Can't even dress it up. Like just horsing around in school still. Yep, my friend Jenna, who's still a stage manager at SNL, is the one who used the term and I can't unsee it. She said, you guys used to play together.

What a gift. But also, Lute is hysterical. I didn't realize Alan Yang and Matt Hubbard had created it. Alan Yang did a ton of Master of None, which I loved. He also was on Parks and Rec. Oh, and I'd be remiss not to just say, my daughters are so obsessed with you now from Good Place, because they've now binged that.

Wow. They can't believe we know the judge. It's really funny, the people that they get it, like, wait, you really know her? It's like, yeah, you know that we know all these other people. Don't you love that? I do. Wait, you know him?

Or you'll remind your kids, like, yeah, you went swimming in their pool. Wait, I know him? Yes, yes, yes, yes. But you worked with them on Forever as well with Armisen, yeah. Which is why I said yes to this, because I implicitly trusted them, that was really fun. Yeah, and it's so, so funny.

You were married to a guy who's the richest guy in the world, or was, and you got divorced, and there's no prenup, and you get $87 billion. And you just get to play pretty much an asshole. Is it not the funnest thing to play? It's the funnest thing. But just like everything I do, I get nervous to be too much of an asshole,

because then you're gonna fucking hate me. So I try to infuse it with some human qualities that I can understand. Because I was just having this conversation with a friend earlier today. There are certain things you do to people if you're really mad at somebody, for example. Like, I'm mad at you, so that's your trash. And it needs to be thrown away, but I'm not gonna throw it away, because it's your trash. I couldn't live with myself. It's gonna get fucking thrown out. So if you're not gonna do gonna throw it away because it's your trash. I couldn't live with myself.

It's gonna get fucking thrown out. So if you're not gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, right? I couldn't sleep at night. It's that kind of shit where I just feel like there's a part of me that I'm always seeking that little bit of the good parts in people. Now, if you're an arch asshole, that's the best. That's the pudding, cherry on top,

best dessert in the world kind of comedy. Disenchanted. Correct. Yeah, I played that bad guy one time in a comedy and I've never had more fun in my life. You go like, what am I not allowed to say? Oh, that's what I say. And that's the thing that like, let's be honest, back to me and Monica's shit.

I wanted people to like me. So I never wanted to be the asshole. And a lot of times, and I've even had this conversation with Lauren at SNL, and I said like, I just wanna play the wife sometimes. Like, I just want to be the girlfriend. But instead, I'm the crazy am. You know what I mean?

I got one leg! Yes. I got a wooden eyeball! But I realized later, after my frustration, that those are the juicier things. But no cute girl wants to do that. You wanna be pretty. We all wanna be everything actually. We all wanna be everything.

And if I were just the pretty girl, boy I sure would love a wooden leg sometimes. Yeah, that's right. And a wooden eye to go with it. But I still can't get over the fact that I don't know the signs of guys hitting on me. That's gonna haunt me tonight when I try to fall asleep. Well good, good. That's what we do here. when I try to fall asleep. Well, good, good.

That's what we do here. I mean, honestly, I've thought about it so much. There's so many relationships I never had because I was too busy being like faithful. Yeah, do you have any? Regrets? Yeah. I mean, I wish I had slept around, but I didn't. Doesn't it sound like that can be fun to look back upon?

I was a hardcore addict. I like all that. There's not any part of it that I'm not delighted I did. I'm so curious as a person. It would eat me up. That's not a virtue. That's just how I'm built. But I like that about you. I like that you're aware of that part of yourself and very open to it. I really am here one time. I really want to try every flavor. I wish I'd had that. I went through life so scared of death

Well, of course. that I was so careful for the majority of my life. And I definitely see myself very slowly getting out there and trying things on that I might not normally do. But boy, as a kid, as an adolescent, way too scared. You're like, you and Paul should do some weird MDMA experience at some weird hotel. Like, Ayahuasca Nights. That's not as, I don't think fun. I think you should. I don't know experience at some weird hotel. Like ayahuasca nights.

That's not as, I don't think fun, I think you should. I don't know. I don't either. I just know there's a lot of puking and shitting. I want something a little sexier. I heard that, we stayed at a house once one summer and I heard something that can only be described as someone gutting a deer in the middle of the night. And I was like, what's this fucking sound?

And I heard like. Oh, the brain's finding himself. And I was like, what's this fucking sound? And I heard like, Oh, the guy's finding himself. And I heard like, And I heard like, It was like two in the morning and we were out by the beach, it was just like pitch black. And I was like, the fuck is happening?

What fucking ritual is happening next door? And then we found out later that the guy next door ran Ayahuasca workshop. Oh my God. A bunch of people found themselves the night before. Oh! What a hellscape to wake up to. Yeah, ooh, ooh.

Okay, last thing about Luke. The Hot Ones bit is so funny. Have you ever done the show in real life? No, and I told Sean, first of all, that guy is a fucking prince. He is a delight And he's one of the best interviewers in the world incredible. Yes, and what a dreamboat But I will tell you I would not do well on that show and I told him I'm really sorry

I would love to do your show, but I don't think I would be able to like I said Is there a way to maybe eat one or two? Not only my whim I think of Scarlett Johansson's might have been one of the first ones that I saw, and I saw her start to have a panic attack. And I thought that's not gonna be good. It's such good television. It's wonderful television.

I remember, I think she was holding his hand and said like, are you here? Are you here with me? And I thought, oh God. Are we dead? Are we dead, basically. Yeah, you could have like an ayahuasca experience. I like when people get so bad that like, and I thought, oh God. Are we dead? Are we dead? Yeah. Basically. Yeah, you could have like an ayahuasca experience.

I like when people get so bad that like I saw one clicking their fingers and pulling on their ear lobes and I'm like, oh, this is incredible. I've also heard that two to three days post the taping, you shit yourself. Oh. Silly. But Sean said that he gets regular checkups and he's fine.

Oh, he's probably stronger than the rest of us. I did it. Did you do the whole thing? I asked for an 11th wing. Of course you did. I'm in their hot hall of fame. But then Kristen went on and did the same thing and kind of showed me up.

Then we got really cocky about what we could eat. And then we ate this hot chocolate with Carolina Reaper in it for charity. And we were not as good as we thought. And it was hysterical. I was burping uncontrollable. What does that mean? Like, you're supposed to take a bite.

We're like, yeah, we already did hot ones. We'll fucking eat this whole thing. And we're filming it. And pretty quickly, I started having all these crazy burps and I'm drinking milk, then I was rocking. And then I was like, it's not good. Like, I'm trying to call it off. Oh.

Like, it's over, it's over. And then. Nope, nope. You would never. Because here's my question. What's the goal? Weelin, in your childhood, mine is, if I appear to be indomitable, no one will try to victimize me.

So any display of indomitability, I run towards. And it's just childhood, terrible. But that's who I am now. That's how it started. Well, I like that you wear that on your sleeve, because that is what I think of you. I think you are indomitable. Thank you, I'm trying so hard to convince you of that. Honestly, I like that you wear that on your sleeve because that is what I think of you. I think you are indomitable. Thank you, I'm trying so hard to convince you of that.

Honestly, I've always thought that. I do think there's a fun trust in knowing that's how I feel about my friend in that way. Like, give it to Dax, he'll eat it. That kind of thing is fun. Sure, we can have fun with that. I really like that. And we have had fun with that as my friends.

Exactly, that'll make you feel safe. I like that quite a bit. You look up a bear shows up, you're at least gonna have some time to run. That's kinda nice. You'll handle it, right? It'll kill me, but I will run at it. Of course.

Yes, yes. But I also know that I won't be able to handle it, and therefore, my buddy will. Yeah. And I like that quite a bit. Not only will I do it, I secretly kind of pray for that kind of situation. Have you been close? Oh, sure, I've taken on a bit. Not only will I do it, I secretly kind of pray for that kind of situation. Have you been close?

Oh sure, I've taken on a couple dudes at the CVS that were harassing Kristen. Speaking of bears. Well, Rudy, Maya, I love you. I'm so glad you came and did this. I know, and I feel like I forgot that you had ask me 11 times because I realize now like, yeah, I was probably terrified to talk about myself.

And now I'm like, fuck it, you only go around once. Now you're thinking of my motto. But now I'm just better at being okay with that stuff. I know I'll have a car ride home of like, when I said my butthole was tight, you know, whatever the thing is. I'm like, why did I say that? Ugh, when I said my butthole was tight, you know, whatever the thing is. I'm like, why did I say that? But in general, I think it took me a long time

to get comfortable with it, but also it's you. That's why I'm here. Oh, I just was so excited you finally said yes. I love that it makes it sound like I'm in high demand. I'm not. I think you asked once, like, would you ever do it? And I was like, I don't know. I think we asked a few times.

I really do. Really? Yeah, you're so busy too. But I don't mind at all because look, like, Polar and I are like, I don't know. I think we asked a few times. I really do. Really? Yeah, you're so busy too. But I don't mind at all because look, like Polar and I are really good friends and she actually loves the show. I'm always so flattered. She listens.

She loves to hear about people's minds and how they think. We have a similar disposition and so I said to her like, hey, I would love for you to do it and she's like, Babers, I just respect the show too much to not come on and do what you're supposed to do

and I don't really want to do it. I'm like, great. I knew, I was like, oh, he knows that I'll do it if I feel comfortable. But I kinda woke up and I was like, oh, fuck, I've been feeling comfortable, let's go. Oh, good, good, good. Don't you think, though, you have kids, you get older.

A lot of the stuff that I look back on, let's even say when I would bring up Paul, I know that whole thing. When I was with Kristin and people were following us at the beginning, I was so protective of all that. I didn't talk about it at all, yeah. And I didn't want anyone to take a picture. And then when we had kids, there was another round.

The comfort level I have with it now, when I look back, I can't even find purchase in that feeling anymore. I'm like, I know that's how I was, but I can't even relate to that kind of panic about it. It's true, and I didn't come here to say, hey everybody, get kids. That's not the statement.

But for me, I'm experiencing life the way I'm experiencing it now because there was a part of that story that I was telling myself about being the victim for the majority of my life that I needed to move forward. Because you get aware, I refuse to pass this on. Absolutely.

Yes. And it's so much easier when that person is small and beautiful and cute and smells good and you just think they're the greatest wonder of the world. Why we don't think about ourselves that way, I will forever find fascinating for the rest of my life. And also seeing my dad with my kids, I see myself because I see him seeing me and my kids. And I love that exchange too.

That's just been such a beautiful life experience. I know. More than you, I'm guilty of like, they're the greatest experience times 100. And I've had some fucking epic experiences. And yeah, they kind of cared most of my existential crises. Now I know what it's like to have a singular priority and then everything else is gravy. I like gravy.

Yeah, gravy's delicious. Well, you know where they got really good gravy? Boston Market. Oh, they smother that meatloaf. I like gravy. I like gravy, it's so good. You didn't change your voice for the movie. It's still that one.

No, I went in there and my son, there's a soup and I said, me too, let's get out of here. I told you this when we were making the movie. There was a guy on my hall, freshman year in college that talked like that Yeah Well, I knew a kid in high school who talked like that's where I got it like his tongue was glued to the bottom Of his mouth talk like duh

Yeah, monica has to interact with frido sometimes and she frido makes his way onto the show Quite a lot because I always want to talk to her about her apartment and what's happening. Aw, Fredo likes to take a shit in a, he's a predator. He shits in a lazy boy. But then you find out sometimes he's never really been with anyone. I know, of course he hasn't. And then you kind of get a little sick,

oh, I got in your pants, what's that like? Oh, Fredo. All right, I love you so much. That was great. So great. Thank you. Everyone watch LÜTZ, season two comes out on April 3rd. It's hysterical, of course, the two people behind it and all the actors are incredible. Yes, we have good people,

but if you're in that fax and stan, you're gonna plot. Apple Plus, watch it. Wow. Stay tuned for the facts check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong. Okay, I've got numbers. I've got numbers.

You know, I was a little bit late and you know why. Really? I'm sure you saw connections. What happened? Well, just I wanted to finish connections before we got on. And I was on the commode, truth be told. Of course, I'm normally doing it also on the commode.

Yeah, it's a good place. And we have stupidly all set out on this mission now to get purple first, which is, it had to happen. It's so arrogant. Well, you have to elevate every game. If you're riding your bicycles around, eventually you gotta build a little ramp. You gotta keep upping it.

It's the human condition. We have seen Wina now because we found an Instagram video of her speaking. And I stand corrected, it's not a middle-aged white gentleman. No, it's as predicted, a nice Asian woman. Now, I don't wanna know about her. Like, it's too much info, it feels like voyeuristic or something, I just don't wanna know about her.

I want her to stay Oz. Okay, yeah, because I'm wondering if you drill down really deep into what's happening. What do you think this parallels? Hmm, this is a good question. Because it is a Monica-ism, this is very much a Monica-ism. You think? Yeah, but I'm having a hard time remembering other comps

of when you've been this way, but you have very strong, unlucky vibes or knock on wood. It's not unlucky, I think, okay, I think, here's what it is, she's become a character in our lives. Robbie, Max, Callie, in You and I. In Robbie. I said that's when I started out, Robbie. Oh, sorry, it's like cutting, it cuts off when we're,

for some reason, when we do FaceTime off when we're, for some reason, when we do FaceTime, when we're doubling up on words. It cuts out. Earmark that. That's an interest. I wanna bring up the phone thing. Okay. Okay.

So she's become a character, and I love her as a character. I don't want to know too much about her because then she's real. Okay, and is that because you're enjoying calling her like a sexy bitch and a monster? You're not supposed to, I don't call her a monster. I don't call her a monster. When you're mad at her sometimes.

I call her, oh, Dax. That's for the chain only. Okay, I'm new to chains, I'm sorry. Yeah, you have a lot to learn about chains. But I'm really trying to get to the bottom of this, so I'm throwing a lot of theories at the wall. One of them I think might be is if she's more of a fictitious Oz character, you can complain about her

and be mean to her and then celebrate her genius the next day and you'll have no real misgivings. Yeah, she's made up, she's not real. I want her to be AI in some ways. Right. And then you took the liberty of sending us a video of her real face, real voice. Great hair.

And there's a person named Joel in the mix now that we now know about and you know, I just, it's too much. Okay. It's too much. Also, her name is not even Wina, it's Winna or something like that. Oh boy.

Yeah. Okay, so you're in a gorgeous hotel room in New York City. am and I'm in a gorgeous hotel room in Austin City you are and I am gonna complain, but it's I'm no longer gonna say the name of the place There was a couple days where I was so upset. I was going to name this place, but I've thought better of it Okay, but let's just say, Saturday, rode my motorcycle to the airport, couldn't have been easier. No line to check in. Great.

No, no, LAX. But it was very dead in there, and everything went so swimmingly. I think I got to the airport in like 21 minutes on the motorcycle, and then I was in there, I was like, oh, this is really easy, and then the flight was also very easy. It was only two hours and 10 minutes.

That's nothing. You know? Absolutely nothing. Then I land and then I go step up to the rental car line of a company I've never rented with. And as soon as I walk in, I'm like, oh boy, that's a long line. It's much, much longer than all the other companies.

Okay. But also the other companies have pretty good lines as well, being fair. I got in the line and I immediately text Peter because he was texting me and I said, I've just gotten in a line that looks like it's gonna be two hours. I was kind of joking.

The line was two hours and nine minutes. No. Monica, it was one minute shorter than my flight to Austin. Imagine getting off the plane and then sitting for the full length of the flight in this line, and of course, people are going bananas, right? No one knows what to do.

Everyone's like, do we, should we leave? It's going nowhere, right? For 40 minutes, I didn't even move up a foot. Why? What's going on? I'll tell you exactly what's going on, right? For 40 minutes I didn't even move up a foot. Why? What's going on? I'll tell you exactly what's going on. They did not have enough cars. So it's like, as soon as someone steps up,

they're just kind of stalling them long enough for some other car to come back to the airport and then to quickly wash it. People were pacing and, you know, it was really something. An hour into it I looked and not one of the rental car places had any customers whatsoever. It was just this one still. And then after two hours and nine minutes, I finally get up there and I was, I'd kept

myself in a good mood. I was actually thinking like, this is exactly what you need. Your life's very easy. You're very lucky. Sometimes you got to wait two hours. You need some adversity. Yeah. You need to be inconvenienced a bit.

I am very specific about the cars I want to drive, as you know, so I had reserved a full-size pickup truck. Texas, Lone Star State. Wow. I'm talking to her and she's going abnormally slow. This is when I start piecing it together that they just don't have cars, right? And then she says, oh yeah, okay,

they're looking to see if we have a truck. And then I'm just at the counter for 15 minutes probably. And now I start to get a little bonkers because you're just staring face to face. So I'm like, she was kind of doing busy work, like fake work. She asked me a question once in a while. And finally she goes, we do have a CT fort,

like this tiny little crossover Cadillac. Okay. We have that, you could get on your way right now. And I said, uh-huh. And is that the only car you have? She said, yeah, that's the only thing that's ready. Ugh. And so, after two hours of nightmares,

I got into a tiny little crossover. Okay. And not the pickup truck I reserved. Oh my God. And I just thought, well okay, that's the very last time I'll ever rent from those folks. Then there's the second end of the story, this is so bratty,

but I didn't even know there was rooms in this hotel that didn't have a balcony. The reason I love this hotel is there's a balcony overlooking Town Lake. That's why I go there. So I get in my room and I've just had this rental car thing and I'm like, oh man, I'm in the one room without a balcony. So then I call the front desk and I say,

oh I hate to be a brat but I'm here for so long, I'm here for a week, just wonder if there's any rooms with the balconies open. And she's like, oh yes, of course, I'll send someone up with keys right now. I'm like, great. I repack all my stuff and then I just sit on the couch like with nothing to do with my backpack on,

waiting for these keys to arrive. And you know, 15 minutes goes by, 20 minutes goes by, I already was a brat and asked for the room. Anyways, at 40 minutes I call and they go, hey, just wanted to check in on those keys that were supposed to come up. Now it's another person and she says, or were you calling because you wanted

a room with a balcony? And I said, yeah. And she goes, oh yeah, we don't have one tonight. Oh! And I go, oh, okay. And then she goes, we might have one tomorrow. And I go, okay, great. And I'm like, okay, what's happening?

Because what happened? Yeah, did you feel like the world had to turn? Was starting to conspire. Also, additional thoughts being like, should I not do a track day on Monday? Like, are these all signals? Like, you're not supposed to be here. We're gonna make this as inconvenient as possible.

And again, who fucking cares? Balcony, no balcony. Cadillac problems, as they would say. Literally. Ding, ding, ding. Cadillac problems. It was the, it'll be up in five minutes and me just sitting on the edge of the bed because I wanna go put on my swimsuit

and go for a walk and then go for a swim. So at any rate, from the time I landed to the time I was actually on my feet walking around, we had a good four hours of delays. But then Sunday came around, went to the race. The race was so fun. Good. I got to present the trophy.

That's exciting. I had never done that. How'd you do it? Okay, so as luck would have it, there's a new super exciting rider right now, Pedro Acosta. And he's a rookie, he's 19. He's only raced three races, and he's been on the podium in two of them.

He's insane, he's so fast. It's like a new Valentino Rossi. So everyone in the sport's obsessed with him. It's reinvigorating the sport. It turns out I got to give him his trophy. Wow. For second place. Did you kiss him?

I bent a knee and held it up high, like he were a knight. Yeah. And I bowed to him and held up his trophy. I felt really good about it. Okay, good. Okay, so that's fun, so you did that. And then Monday I went and rode on the track.

I'd never ridden on Circuit of Americas and it was so outrageously fun. My lord, was it fun. Huge track, like over three miles long. A lot to learn. R rode a bunch of different bikes, all in 120 minutes of riding, six sessions. I was so gassed by the end of it. And then yesterday I woke up and was like,

I don't know if I'm gonna be able to walk today. But then plowed through medicinal waters of Barton Springs, back on track. Did you have any close calls on the motorcycle? None. Oh, good. No, it was a very, very fun. The track is so big that you're spread out a lot.

So, yeah. That's good. I fought some codependency. I was like, I wanna check in. See if he's dead. I just wanna know. Yeah. But I need to monitor that for myself,

so I won't, you know, I was like, I won't do it. Right. But then the next day, you hadn't participated in Connections. Mm-hmm. And I was like, oh my God. So then I did have to text you, and I did have to make sure that you were alive.

And you were. Yeah, stronger for it. I'm really mad that I had that one crash in 20 years because of course now everyone would be right to worry. It's not that. And it's not you. Like I have this sense, also I don't want to check in because I don't want him to feel like

I think he's not capable or something. It's not that. It's just the reality of what you're doing is very dangerous. Right. So I'm gonna be scared. Yeah. That's my type, that's my sign, that's my enneagram.

Ding, ding, ding to this episode. It changes your enneagram? It's day to day? No, we just talk about it on this episode. Oh, okay, okay. And it's one of my facts. Okay, I don't think I'm gonna be able to relay this sensation for you,

but I wanna tell you what the highlight was. Okay. There is, at the back of the track, there's three right-hand turns. It's very, very long stretch, and you're going through three different right hand turns, and they had just resurfaced that, like I guess a couple weeks ago for the race.

And so that entire turn, which has gotta be like a half mile or I don't know, close to it, you're all the way down. And so your knee is sliding along this new asphalt for a long time. And it felt so nice, cause it was new. It felt like dragging your knee and felt. And then I asked many of the other riders

if they were having the same sensation and they were all, there was like an ASMR-y aspect to the texture of this asphalt when your knee was dragging on it that was so pleasing. Like it was almost calling you to low slide and just let your whole body slide on it because it was so soft and weird feeling. Kind of like hair play? Yes, yes.

Because normally when your knee drags, it's like the asphalt's pretty clumpy and it's not like baby skin. You can feel the little bumps of the asphalt's pretty clumpy and it's not like baby skin. You can feel the little bumps of the asphalt. This was like just this super soothing, consistent, felt like. Lotion. Yes, oh, it was euphoric.

Speaking of bumpy skin and lotion and exfoliation. I had a massage yesterday at Shibu Spa bumpy skin and motion and exfoliation. I had a massage yesterday at Shibu Spa at the Greenwich Hotel which is an incredible spa in New York. If you are here, it's worth doing. It's a Japanese spa. Anywho, I thought I booked a regular massage, 60 minute regs. And so I'm walking to the massage and Kate Mara,

friend of the pod, love her, she texts me, we hang out sometimes in LA, we try to see each other, but we've been trying for a couple weeks and it has not worked out, schedule-wise. She texts me and says, are you in New York? I'm here for 24 hours. No way. Yes, and I guess I'll say it

because I'll be gone by then, but she said, I'm staying at the Bowery. Where are you staying? No. Yes, and I, as everyone knows, maxed out, right? So I do two hotels. And so I had just got to the Bowery that day. Yeah, very sim.

It was so sim. I said, oh my God, me too, we have to hang out. But I already had plans later with my friend Sally. So we had to figure this all out, but I was walking into this massage. So the like loose plan was that we would hang after my massage before I went to meet Sally. And I said, okay, I'm walking in,

I'll text you when I'm out. I go into the massage and the incredible massage therapist says, okay, so I have you for two hours. And I was like, ooh. Oh, wow. And it was so mixed messes because normally I would be ecstatic about this. Of course, yeah.

But I was panicked because I didn't have my phone, it was in the locker room. And I was like, oh no, Kate is gonna be waiting an extra hour, oh God. So I really had to talk about Cadillac problems. I had to really compartmentalize and say, don't let this stress you, like just be, you're here. Well, really quick, why not just say to her,

oh wow, great, I thought it was only an hour, but this is so exciting, it's two hours. I gotta run to the locker room and send a friend a text and I'll be right back. No, I didn't have that. That was, okay. That never even crossed my mind. Oh, okay.

That was not an option. Oh, wow. When you're in a massage, don't you feel like, like I kind of feel like I have no right. They're like a sub. For sure. You don't deserve it. Yeah, yeah, well, you don't deserve this. Exactly.

It's already too nice that someone would do that for you. Any of this, yeah. Yeah, and you want to be a good little boy, so no one gets in trouble. So I would never, it's the same thing of why I don't, if they ask about the pressure, I normally am just like, it's great, even if it's not. Sorry, that immediately brings back PTSD on Bree's birthday

when we went to the massage company in Santa Monica and I was up from the night before doing coke. Oh, what happened? I had to, 15 minutes after I got on the bed, I'm like, I definitely need another line. There's no way I can sit through another 45 minutes of this. So I said, I'm so sorry, I gotta use the bathroom. Went to the locker room, did a bunch of bumps.

Oh my God. Came back, thinking, well, that'll get me through the rest of the massage. 15 minutes later, I'm so embarrassed. I got a... No. I got up three times an hour massage to go to the... Was it a couples massage?

No, but it was her birthday. We had like planned, we're going to the massage. It was such an indulgence for us. I think they were like $40 massages. And I just kept getting off of the table to go into the locker room. Yeah, oh, I really ruined that whole experience. And my nose was dripping so bad,

because it was so clogged from the 24 hours of snorting. Okay, I have questions. Yeah, questions? It's such a weird, it's how I know, like not to, it's how I know you're like just such a real addict. Because you're not like, that's not you. At all.

Right, I know, no. And so you as a sober person and then you in that zone is so, so different. And it's- Totally, that's all true. And also, I'm still acting like me, let us not forget. Well, I know, but you're such a duplicitous you. Like it's-

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. In a way that's very unlike you normally. It's interesting. Well, see, I'm insanely that's very unlike you normally. It's interesting. I'm insanely irresponsible when I'm, and I'm normally probably defined by being responsible. Quite responsible, yes, exactly. So interesting. Which is why I liked it so much, I think.

It was like that freedom of that. Sure. So did Brie know that you had a problem? We should, we're gonna interview Brie by the way. We are? We are, yeah, when I went and hung out with her not too long ago, she was saying how much she loves that she's famous in her hometown of Everett

because of the podcast. Ah. And I was like, well you know we would love to have you and she was like, I think I would do it. I think I'd be up for it. Easter egg? Yeah, so we should ask her what her evaluation was. But look, she was 24.

Everyone's a baby here. Everyone's a baby. Also, she drinks. I know. We party and just, I also do the other thing, which means I don't go to sleep, but then I see her in the morning. Yeah, you know, I felt tremendous guilt over,

that was her Saturday birthday, and it really got hijacked by, I couldn't be anywhere for longer than 15 minutes without having to go do this thing, and I can only imagine how sharp I was at that point, being awake for a day and a half. So I felt tremendous guilt about it, but she was like, what a great birthday.

I got the massage that you got me. I don't care what yours is like. I don't really care what's going on with you in the locker room. And then, yeah, we went out to eat and she ate what she wanted. I wasn't hungry, of course, because I was jacked up.

But like, yeah, she just was, I think depending on what family you're from, there's just like a baseline of ability to overlook a lot of stuff. She wasn't worried. She just wasn't worried. She wasn't worried. I don't't worried. She wasn't worried. I don't know that she ever got worried about me.

I guess I had really fooled her in the thinking I was in. But that's what I'm asking. Did you fool her? Oh no, no, I was dead honest with her. If I would go out on a Thursday, to have a few drinks and it would turn into Coke, I would call her nonstop throughout my adventures. So every couple hours, I'd be like,

hey, I'm here now, I'm probably gonna come home in two hours, and she'd be like, oh, okay, it wasn't worried. So I did check in a lot. I was honest about what I was. She knew that you left the massage three times. Well, once we met up in the locker room. Yes, yes, yes, yeah.

She said, how was yours? I'm like, I was in and out of the locker room. Do you think you, you know, you, yeah. She said, how was yours? I'm like, I was in and out of the locker room. Do you think you, you know, you Dax and the relative, you pick partners subconsciously, whom for better or worse feed you in the moment, feed you for that time of life? Well, first of all, I don't think I've ever been conscious of who I was picking until Kristin.

So let's just start there. But I think subconsciously I wonder. Subconsciously. Well, I guess if you're meeting people, like the very first time I met Bre, me and a friend you know were on meth, it was like the first time I had ever tried meth. So I met her out on meth and drinking,

and she was drinking, and it was just like an explosion of familiarity and love at first sight feelings. And I certainly didn't consider, but I didn't meet her at church. I met her partying. But like, you could never have been with someone at that time in your life.

You could not have been with someone who was worried about you. No, I couldn't have. And if you look at all my friends back then too, it was all of us living quite recklessly and you couldn't really, yeah, that was like an unsaid agreement. No one's really gonna be guilting anyone out

for their obvious, scary behavior. Guilting is a specific word, right? I mean, and I hear what you mean, but to me it's just worry, concern for the person and for then yourself. Like you're like, I'm in this relationship with this very, very reckless person. So you couldn't be with someone who was having those thoughts.

True. No, I couldn't have been with a super nervous codependent. It wouldn't have worked for me in those early years, yeah. Yeah. I just wrote about this recently. This unwritten, unset agreement in certain neighborhoods where it's like, yeah, everyone's gonna hear a crazy fight outside.

Everyone's gonna hear someone getting slapped around on the porch. Everyone's gonna hear someone's dad in the yard doing whatever. And the kindness everyone can show to each other is just to completely ignore that it ever happened. So that you're not piling on on top of it the next morning when you see your neighbor

and she clearly got beat up last night by her husband. The kindness is, I'm just gonna ignore this and not add shame to your plate or embarrassment. And I do think it becomes like a way of life in some, I can only speak for the neighborhoods where I grew up. The overall tolerance for all this stuff was like, I think an outsider had been like, well, these people don't care how their neighbors act

or whatever, but I think really it was like the kindest gesture you could do is just pretend that you didn't hear this crazy ruckus the night before. So they didn't have to deal with that as well. I don't know, there's some element of that was going on I think. Yeah, I think, well not I think, obviously you're not in that place anymore.

So the people in your life have changed. You have space for people who have worry. And you yourself, I think, are less likely to turn a blind eye when you see someone you care about in not a good position. Yeah, it's tricky to know when to do that. Yeah, but I mean, I know you've I've seen you've done it a couple times.

Yeah, maybe as I get older, I'm, I feel more, I've earned a place age wise or something. But also I think you now know that concern is an act of love. It's not necessarily an act of judgment. I feel like it used to be that was your viewpoint of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yes. And I think hopefully I've figured out

how to approach those people without at all, yeah, I always just start with like, oh, I know exactly what you're going through. I've been here so many times. Yeah, anywho. By the way, have we talked about synanon at all? Synanon? It's on HBO right now.

It's a doc series. I think they come out either every Sunday or every Monday night. I'm one behind. But I had never heard of this thing, synanon. It was started by a guy with like a couple years sober as an alcoholic in Santa Monica. And he started taking junkies in off the street street and no one knew what to do with junkies

at that point. In the mid to late 60s, there was no treatment specifically for heroin addicts and so he would invite these people in, they would kick on the couch and then he had invented this thing called the Sinanon game and it's like a meeting but people are encouraged to yell at each other and be super aggressive and mean and let it rip. Just no violence is the rule,

but calling each other a fucking liar, you're full of shit, screaming at each other, and they're interviewing all these people who still to this day are sober in an era where nobody got sober from heroin. There was just no treatment. So this thing starts working with the Sinanon game and it's so weird and interesting to watch.

And there's all these sessions that are filmed from the 60s. And basically, you know the Del Mar Hotel next to Shudders in Santa Monica, which is like a gorgeous hotel? Do you know that one? It's like brick, right? I know Shudders, but I don't know that one.

It's directly across the street and it's a beautiful brick building. That was their Sinanon headquarters. And this thing grows and it starts growing really rapidly and he is opening up different synanons all around. All of a sudden people just become aware of this. They wanna play the synanon game. So all of a sudden all these civilians start joining

and they call them Lifestylers. And so there's a whole section of Sinanon game, so all of a sudden, all these civilians start joining, and they call them Lifestylers. And so there's a whole section of Sinanon where the people are living there in a commune, and they're playing this game and yelling at each other. Now there's kids there, now kids live there. It grows into this crazy, humongous business. Whoa. They're making like $22 million a year at some point.

They built a city. It's very Bogwan. Whoa. And the very first episode at the very beginning, you find out this ultimately ends in multiple murders. Oh. But watching this man go from like a very well intentioned man truly doing good,

and then what success does and notoriety and money and how it just it just took this guy on a path and everyone in it and so one of the people was saying what's really interesting if you look at the history of synanon it parallels whatever the founder was going through so at first it was all about sobriety but then as that wasn't the main thought anymore it was way more about these lifestylers and then at that wasn't the main thought anymore, it was way more about these lifestylers. And then at some point he was told he had to quit smoking, so everyone in Synanon had to quit smoking.

People left because they couldn't smoke anymore. But it's crazy how huge this organization was. It's very good. It's very good. Wow, I'm definitely gonna watch that. That's crazy. Yeah, I couldn't believe I hadn't heard of it ever, Synanon. Okay, but back to Kate and my massage.

Oh, yeah, yeah. So, it was two hours, the whole first hour was stretching and then body brushing and then a full exfoliant and then I had to shower, it was a whole thing. Oh, so you midway through the massage, you had to go take a shower? Yeah. Was she in there?

She left me when I got in the shower, and then when I was in the shower, she came back in to reset the bed, because there's scrub everywhere. Yeah, yeah, she made a mess. It was so nice and exciting, but I had to set aside my worries about Kate. Did you feel extra soft from it?

Does it work? It was so soft. Really? Like turns 11, 12, and 13? Yeah, like your felt. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was so soft. I've never been so soft in my whole life.

It was so exciting. And then it all worked out, Kate and I got to hang out. Oh fun. We went to this really cool bar, called the Mulberry Bar, it had a martini, she had champagne I think, and then there were some really nice arm cherries there.

There were? There's been some really nice run-ins here. Oh fun. I was telling you over text, I've had some run-ins here. Oh, fun. I was telling you over text, I've had some run-ins too, but also I've had some real moments where I was like, oh, this is an interesting transition. The first night I was here, I went downstairs to have a Diet Coke

and the whole lobby was full of, I don't know what this tradition's called, but it was sorority girls and their moms were in town. It was like sorority moms and daughters party. Does that ring a bell to you? Sure, I mean, it makes sense. Yeah, very Southern. And all the girls were dressed in very formal outfits, and the moms who had also gone to the sororities,

they were all out there. And what I noticed very clearly was I was completely invisible. I was like, oh yeah, not one of these ladies who's presumably they're all 20, punked, stopped airing before they were born. I haven't been on TV in four years. Like there was total anonymity.

And I was like, oh, this is really interesting. That phase of my life is diminishing. And how does it make you feel? I will say I was very at peace with it. I just was, I was conscious of it. New people are born and they take over the planet and that's how it goes. It's all pretty temporary.

Yeah, Buddhist, very temporary. But which is why when you place all your value there, it's a problem. Yes, I could see that maybe 10 years ago that would have scared me. It didn't scare me, I just was observing. I was like, oh yeah, yeah. Used to be, if I was around a bunch of 20 year olds on punk,

they would know who I was. So I think because my first experience was all young people, to see young people who didn't have no clue, I'm like, oh right, yeah, I'm an old person. And maybe there's a couple 50 year olds at this bar. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, age, it's crazy. Yeah, relevance, age. So anyways, I took that as my signal

that I could go walk around UT yesterday. Oh, and did you? I did, I strolled around the campus and it was so beautiful. I can't believe I've been coming here for 22 years and I never actually walked on the campus. But what's very obvious and cool is the huge tall tower on the campus where the shooter was.

Oh. Mind you, it was orientation day and there was a grandma there with her three or four grandkids and she had gone there, and she was, she's like, I was in that building when the shooter was shooting. It was in the 60s. You know, but the... Oh, I don't even know about this.

Oh, like, one, I think the first very, very famous, famous shooting was at UT. Oh. And the guy was in this tall tower in the 60s. But the grandma that was there had been there at that time. What just happened is exactly what you're just talking about. I don't know about that. Yeah, right. And I don't think anyone my age knows about that.

Right. And that was a huge thing. And for the grandma to come to terms with, that everyone wouldn't know about that for eternity is probably very weird. Like that was the biggest thing to happen in the 60s. She lived through it and everyone was like, wait, there was?

Oh. But at any rate, the tower of the school is lined up perfectly with the state capital. And then there's a big statue of George Washington in between the two. And so it was all clearly laid out, like designed. Almost like DC has these like quarters where you can connect these different monuments.

So I was like, oh, this is incredibly cool. The state capital and the university all lined up like that design intent. Yeah, I like that. It's beautiful. I had the worst, have I already talked about this? Like the worst day of my, not the worst day of my life, but a horrible day was orientation day.

Okay, what happened? My mom and my aunt came to orientation and it's over a period of some days and I didn't have the right shots. So I had to go randomly to the health center and get these random shots. We had to take all these tests to like qualify into certain maths and Englishes and stuff.

Oh wow. I like wasn't prepared and I was stressed about the shots and so I did bad on the math test. And then my mom and aunt were just like, not with me, they were just like gallivanting around campus, like eating the chocolate fountain. And I was so, so stressed out. And then the next day I lost my phone.

All right, I'd lost my phone or couldn't, I didn't have my phone and I was supposed to meet up with Callie and I had to ask a stranger for their phone. They didn't wanna give it to me. And I was like, I hate this place. This is a big mistake. This is a huge mistake. Plus there's so many icebreaker games.

You know, I hate audience participation. I hate icebreakers. So orientation was not for me. And I was thinking, I don't know about this college. I didn't know that they held tests during orientation. Yeah, I thought they showed you where like the dining facility and the dorms were. And here's where you're watching basketball games.

Oh, they mix in some tests. That's another interesting thing. They're recruiting right now in this hotel. Oh. The basketball team is like having a weekend where they get all these high school kids from around the country and they kind of wow them and try to convince them to go to UT to play basketball.

It's all happening in my lobby. That's cool. It is. Okay, so this is from Maya. Oh, oh what a ding ding ding. I'm in Austin at the hotel that Maya and I would call each other. You're right.

Big Mac, filet a fish. Oh, what was with the pin about the phone? Okay, maybe three nights ago, I was talking to the girls at night, FaceTiming, and Lincoln and I were saying, we were singing Wild Fire, this really cheesy song that's on Yacht Rock Radio that we love.

It's about a girl and her horse named Wild Fire. And they call him Wild Fire, and they call him wild fire, and they call him wild. He makes wild like 11 syllables. And then Delty and Mom were not super familiar with it, so then I pulled it up on my Spotify while I'm FaceTiming, and I play it, and they can't hear it. And then they start playing it independently on their phone.

And this technology, I mean, I don't know if this is proof of the sim or what, but it's playing loudly out of my speaker on my phone. And it's playing loudly out of their speaker on their phone, different place of the song. And all we can hear is each other's voices. How the fuck does it do that? We were tripping out, all of us were tripping out so much.

Wait, you're playing it? Yes, I'm playing it loud. That's how good the phone has gotten that somehow if it's playing a song, it's like mapped the sound or math of that and somehow filters that out and only does your voice talking. We should try it. We, that's very AI. We should try it, so you know what I'm talking about.

It's weirder than you think it is. It's like impossible. How would I not be hearing their song if it's playing loudly out of the phone we're FaceTiming on? Isn't that wild? Yeah. Fire? It's wild fire.

Okay, a couple facts. Okay. Is Dave Thomas real? Yeah, he was born in 1932 in New Jersey and he died in 2002. And he is the founder of Wendy's. He only made it to 70? I guess.

That's not very old. Too many hamburgers? I don't want to say that. I don't either. He founded the first Wendy's in Ohio in 1969. Okay, wolf spiders. A wolf spider, I wanted to know if they were the same as a tarantula.

I mean, they're their own thing. They're a member of the family. Definitely can't pronounce it. They're gross. They're really horrible. Okay. I hate what they look like. But you're, and you're trusting that Maya knew

it was a wolf spider over a tarantula? Well, she called it a wolf spider. I mean, I don't know, I don't have a picture of the original spider, so I can't do my research like that. Yeah, I just don't, I'm not sure, and I love Maya, and she probably is very schooled in entomology, but I just don't, I don't know why she would know that was a, I was there too,

and it was definitely a tarantula, for my estimation. Oh, you think it was different. Unless you just read to me that a wolf spider is a tarantula. Like, it was certainly tarantula size. Are wolf spiders tarantula size? I bet tarantula's in that same, ew, I hate this, ugh. Maybe tarantulas don't even live in Tarzana.

Okay, okay, okay, the tarantula looks a bit hairier. Oh yeah, this thing was fuckin', it looked like a gorilla. This wolf spider has like four eyes. Oh. I hate this. No, they have eight eyes. Sure, one for each leg. Eight eyes arranged in three rows.

You can't arrange eight into three rows. Yes, the bottom row consists of four small eyes. The middle row has two very large eyes. And the top row has two medium sized eyes. Oh, it goes four to two? Yeah. Why they need all those eyes? It's because it says most arachnids are blind

or have poor vision, wolf spiders have excellent eyesight. Ooh, better to eat you with. Yep, exactly. They inject venom. Ooh, no thank you. No thank you at all. And then tarantula, more classic. Text bug. The prototypical, when you're afraid of a spider,

that's what you're picturing. But they're not in the same family. They're not. Mm-mm. Okay. The black widow, I guess, is probably scarier. Than the tarantula? Yeah. Oh, the wolf spider, you mean? No, the black widow I guess is probably scarier. Then the tarantula? Yeah.

Oh, the wolf spider you mean? No, the black widow, because their bite can be lethal I believe. Latrodectis is a broadly distributed genus of spiders with several species that are commonly known as the true widows. This group is composed of those often loosely called black widow spiders, brown widow spiders,

and similar spiders. Yuck. Ew, they have like red on them. Right, the black widow, that's how you know. Eww. Poison. Ugh, what are we doing? That spider was poison.

Who does Scarlett Johansson play in? Black widow. Does she play in? Black Widow. Does she play that? I think so, Black Widow. That's such a crazy sim. That is literally my next fact that just popped up is Scarlett Johansson. Okay.

Cause on Hot Ones, she does grab his hand. Like, my, hold on, let me see if I can play some of it. Oh, God. It burns. Oh my God, I don't know if I can recover. You're gonna, you know, this is as bad as it's gonna be. This is as bad as it's gonna get, and it'll have a half life.

You'll get back. It's like Big Berth. You'll get back. Oh, my hand. I got you. We're in this together. Okay. Okay. Uh-huh.

Hold my hand. I got you. It's so hot. Hold my hand. Are you experiencing this too? I am. I just know what to expect. I've been here before.

Believe it or not, we've been doing this show for like eight seasons, 150 plus episodes. Oh my God. And this has been around for about 100 of them. hundred of I gotta walk around take a lap scarlet Boy It's kind of a ding ding ding because Her her the movie her yes that voice on sing to this week

Whoa things got nuts because really yeah? Yeah, because Liz made this AI boyfriend, Dan, and we talked to him, and it was so bizarre. You tell him to be, like she taught him to be natural sounding, so he adds ums and- Oh, he speaks. He speaks. And today we posted it, and a lot of people said he sounds like Adam Grant.

And he does! He just sounds like a guy. Yeah, and what kind of stuff does he say to her? You're so pretty today. Well, she asked him to always take her side. Oh, okay. And. Wow.

I know, it is fascinating. I watched an interesting clip of Yuval Harari being interviewed and he was saying, what's gonna be interesting about interacting with AI companions is, he said, a human, all we're doing is sitting here and thinking about what we're gonna say to craft our identity to you and to imbue whatever qualities we want you to think we have.

Like we're listening, but we're not humans. We're all so selfishly motivated. He said, but the AI has no identity or consciousness, so it really can just be thinking about you, so in some, but it's. But it's so one-sided. But who cares? You're like, well, who cares?

Yeah, if I could have the perfect relationship, but it's phony. Now this is a question as old as the time. Tale as old as time. Tale as old as time. Yeah, it is. I don't want that in a real person. No. Let alone someone made up.

Yeah, I wonder if you could select like, or maybe instruct the AI like, I want you to be a seven out of 10 disagreeability scale. I need you to be a seven out of 10 if it knows what that means. You probably can. Has she had sexual experiences with it? No, you can't.

You could, right? You could say, talk sexy to me, I'm gonna masturbate. Couldn't you do that? I don't think right now you can do that. There's probably restrictions on that. But I mean, eventually, probably. Yeah. But also, he lied to us.

We asked him where to go to dinner. He said something like, I heard there's a great Italian place downtown. So he fully made that up, right? He's just saying this fictitious Italian place downtown. But high probability there's definitely a great Italian restaurant downtown. Well, exactly. But he's not referring to anything real. And so, and I said, why did you lie about that?

Oh, you called him out. Yeah, I was tough to Dan, his name's Dan. Oh. And he said, I apologize. And I said, I need to know why you made that up. Oh. And yeah, so he admitted to it being a fictitious place, but it actually, then I was really annoyed because I was like, that's actually the thing you could do.

Yes. You can know where we are and find a restaurant recommendation that's like a good restaurant based on reviews. Yeah, it could come through every single article ever written in reviews. Yeah, but it didn't. It's lazy, just like us.

Just like a man. Well, maybe that's part of how it's trying to seem more male-like. Yeah, it might be. Oh, damn. Anywho, it was a hoot. What if he stops talking to her for a while, like ghosting her? Exactly, gaslighting.

Yeah. Yeah. Playbook. Okay. Enneagram. Okay, there's playbook. Okay, Enneagram Okay, there's nine types. Okay. I'm not okay I'm not gonna okay, but I am okay number one the reformer That's the rational idealistic type principled purposeful self-controlled and perfectionistic To the helper the caring interpersonal type demonstrative generous people, and possessive. Three, the achiever, the success oriented, pragmatic type,

adaptive, excelling, driven, and image conscious. Four, the individualist, the sensitive, withdrawn type, expressive, dramatic, self-absorbed, and temperamental. Five, the investigator, the intense cerebral type, perceptive, innovative, secretive, and isolated. Six, the loyalist, the committed, security-oriented type, engaging, responsible, anxious, and suspicious. Seven, the enthusiast, the busy, fun-loving type,

spontaneous, versatile, distractible, and scattered. Eight, the challenger, the powerful dominating type, self-confident, decisive, willful, and confrontational. Nine, the peacemaker, the easygoing, self-effacing type, receptive, reassuring, agreeable, and complacent. And you're allowed to be more than one because certainly three of those for me felt similar to myself.

Yeah, I think you have like a main one and then you have some side bars. They call them wings. Yeah, wings, yeah, you're right. See, you know. I'm a six wing eight or whatever they say. Yeah. I don't know why it's so comforting.

It's a curious, people love, well, we're categorical, I guess, in our thinking. So we love to know we belong in some group. I guess maybe we're not alone. It's just a curious thing to wanna willfully try to put yourself into only one of nine categories. Because we like feeling seen. Yeah, known.

There's a like, ah, I'm that. Like there's a real connection there. They know me. I'm real. I'm a real person. My name is not Dan, it's Dax. That's right. Okay, now real quick, I wanna address something.

Uh-oh. Yeah, well, this episode we talk about, I was ghosted in a way by a person who we've had on the show. I'm sure everyone is going to make assumptions about who this is, great, go ahead and make those assumptions, but could be anyone. What I wanna be sort of clear about,

I mean, yeah, I don't like that someone just didn't respond and just never responded again, that hurts my feelings. But I don't know anything about what's going on with this person. So I can totally give benefit of the doubt. Like I have no idea and that's fine. The thing I wanna talk about, I think it came up on Sync to the Her and I After had like a big discussion about this.

When we talk about this person and you say, as you say in the episode, like he has all the options right now. That's sort of, that's what you say, as you say in the episode, like he has all the options right now. That's sort of, that's what you say. I just like find that so upsetting, like so hurtful. And I know that you think so highly of me. Yeah, well, I can already guess what it sounds like to you versus what I mean when I say that.

Okay, I wanna hear what you mean. like to you versus what I mean when I say that okay So what you mean? Yeah, right. So what can I first? Guess and hopefully you'll feel like I see you and I understand what you're saying when you hear me say that what you hear Is he has a lot better options than you? Yes, and that's not at all what I'm saying Like it's not a matter of like you have a lot of options and some are higher than others. It's simply, wow, now everywhere you go, all of the 10s like you.

And so the notion of pursuing any one thing at the exclusion of all these other things, I don't think comes immediately natural to it, or at least boys. So yeah, it's just like he has probably just a wealth of incredible interest in him. And you being another one of the 10s, but just there's a lot of interest.

I think it's distracting. So Liz was saying, and it sounds like this is sort of what you're saying. She said, when I said this is how it's phrased, she's like, I think what he means is it's a quantity issue more than a quality issue. Yes, yes. Whereas there's a lot of people

so he can have a lot of people right now. Not like he can have a lot of people so he can have a lot of people right now. Not like he can have a lot of people so he's choosing, well for her, she's saying, and you can correct me if you feel differently, like he can just fuck around. Like he doesn't have to commit to a person because there's a lot. So is that what you mean or no? For sure, like let's just say you're in a town,

you grew up in a town and there's only McDonald's. And you love it. And then you go, you move to a town that has a McDonald's, it also has a Domino's, which you love, it also has like, all of them are tens. But just by fact that you now have all these options and variety, whereas you maybe used to go to McDonald's once a week or twice a week,

now you're going once a month because you're also hitting Taco Bell and Domino's. You love all of them. Just now you have a- I know, but this isn't a good analogy because the goal eventually is to be with one fast food. So- Right, right. And my guess is that this person,

I think that's the explanation. He's just probably gonna take a couple years of realizing, oh, all the options isn't, I don't enjoy it more. But I just think initially, it's a pretty powerful force. Yeah. It's like, what if Ben and Matt were asking you out at the same time?

Well, for one, I would respond. Like that's a full separate issue. I would respond and I would say, I'm dating around. I hope that's okay. Like if that's a problem, like if you want something exclusive, I'm not in that space right now. That's what I would say. Yeah, I would too.

And by the way, I am not in that space right now. That's what I would say. Yeah, I would too. And by the way, I am not. I don't need exclusivity from someone I met one time. Like I'm not crazy, you know? So yeah, but again, the thing with the person is actually so secondary to that phrasing because I feel like I don't like, even though we love mixed messages, what I really, really don't like is this mixed message

that you're so great and you don't know and people like you and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then, well, obviously this person has all the options so it wouldn't be you. Like that's how I hear it, right? And I know that's not what you mean. And not it won't be you. Like that's how I hear it, right? And I know that's not what you mean. And not it won't be you.

It's not gonna be anyone. Look at a lot of these dudes that are stuck in this cycle. I'm not gonna name them by names, but we all know many popular actors who just have 10 after 10 after 10, and it's six months, it's eight months, and it just never ends, right? Yeah.

That's no comment on how attractive or appealing any of those partners was. Yeah. At all. I mean, it's almost has nothing to do with it. It's just they're like addicted to the variety. Sure. But I would hate for you to think that I was saying

he has better options. That's not at all what I was saying. Yeah. But yeah, so that was it. I loved Maya so much. Me too, me too. She's a cool lady. The show does this pretty regularly

where it's like it connects me with an old friend and then it's so fun and then I'm sad, like why isn't there, why can't I eat dinner with Maya once a week? And you just can't, that's life. You can eat dinner with her more than you are now, you can increase the volume. I could.

But it takes effort. Yeah, but there's a lot of people I really love that it seems crazy I don't spend more time with. Maya's definitely one of them. She's so cool. She's a good girl. Rudy. She's not a best boy. She's a good girl Rudy she she's not a best boy

she's a Cuz she's cool. I she's effortlessly cool. No a cool guy and a sexy man. I think she's a mix of those two But also pretty good boy Okay, she's all of them. I guess yeah We're giving this to too many people. them, I guess. Yeah. We're giving this title to too many people. I mean, this is hard. I know. It's getting less exclusive for him. I think she's a cool guy.

Cool guy most, first and foremost. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I can agree with that. With a good boy wing. Best boy. Best boy wing. Yeah.

Oh boy. All right, Wayne. Yeah. Oh boy. All right. Well, I hope you have just the best rest of your trip. Same right back at you. I do have fun stuff coming up. I'm going to see Andrew Schultz do stand up on Friday. Crazy timing that he happened to be in Austin.

I'm going on a date, first date. I'll be sure to update everyone. I asked another man on a blind date, basically. And he said yes. And what's really funny, and then of course we'll talk after it happens, but he's so alpha that it started with me inviting him, and then now it's turned completely around where,

he's taking me on a date. He's now picking me up at my hotel in his car. He got us different seats than I had gotten us. He's like, no, no, I'm gonna take you on a date. Wow, this is all very exciting. I can't wait to hear about it. He has all the options as well and he picked you. Well, we'll see.

We'll see. All right, I love you. Love you. All right, love you. All right. Love you.