Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Part 6: Monica & Jess Love Tough Love with Patti Stanger (the Millionaire Matchmaker)

Episode Date: March 18, 2020

In Part 6: Monica & Jess Love Tough Love with Patti Stanger, M and J welcome the Millionaire Matchmaker to the attic. Patti is direct and no-nonsense when giving her opinion on Monica and Jess’s love lives. She asks about their dream men, she prods for details about Monica’s fantasies and believes Jess wants to be chased. She talks about the differences between “beta” and “alpha” partners, differences between matchmaking in gay vs. straight communities and how she believes money and love are more connected than people want to believe. She encourages Monica to get more in touch with her sexuality and discusses the concept of “out of your league” with Jess. At the end of the episode, Patti doles out challenges that terrify both Monica and Jess. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi, I'm Monica, aka Miniature Mouse. I love boys. But I don't have one. And in fact, I've never had one. I could probably count on two hands how many dates I've been on in my entire life. And I decided it's time to change that. Hi, I'm Jess, and I love boys too. And in the opposite way of Monica, I can't count on all the hands in America how many people I've had sex with. And yet, I

still don't have a boyfriend. And I want one. And I'm Dax, and I love Monica and Jess in so many ways. They don't have partners. And that is a huge mystery to me because they're both incredibly attractive, so fun, so smart, and have so much to offer. So what we decided to do is examine these unhealthy patterns and bring in experts and outsiders to help critique us, advise us, guide us, pretty much call bullshit on us so that we can find the romantic companion that we're looking for. We started this thinking it was going to be just cute little dating challenges that we would go on and talk about and laugh about. Turns out it is very hard to be vulnerable in real time in public. Yes! I'm so excited! You're so lying.

We romanticize pathological love. One to ten. How much do you want love? Go. You can't even get the sentence out. I would just eat around it. It's a little selfish. Why do I want something and then Go. You can't even get the sentence out. I would just eat around it. It's a little selfish. Why do I want something? And then why have I designed a defense? We must put the chum in the water for the sharks to come, buddy.

Monica's like, so apparently I have to join Raya this week. He likes fucking. You don't even have a kiss, a handheld, anything. Your frontal lobe is just in the way. Push-up bra, low-cut top. That's what you should be doing. You masturbate every night. Rob's too uncomfortable for this.

Please enjoy Part 6 Monica and Jess Love Tough Love with Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker. He loves I'm always very nervous like the first seven minutes. Yeah Yeah that's what Dr. Drew picked up on Why are you nervous? I just get a little like a kid Are you excited?

Yeah both Adrenaline, nerves, all of that I'm a little psychic Dr. Drew is very psychic We work together a lot When I first went on Loveline You know when the kids call in And they're like I have a problem

And he'd be like are you on the streets? I'm like how do you know that? he's like i can feel them struggling and starving and like he knew what every person was going through yeah he's so intuitive he's so intuitive although he gets mad at me and sometimes because i'll say like i love porn don't say that on the air like i can't lie welcome welcome to the sixth installment of monica Jess Love Boys. Sometimes I've noticed I've been saying loves, which is grammatically incorrect. Hi. Hi. How was your week?

It was good. We had our challenge. We did. We arranged, married each other, set each other up without any expectation, but with people who we wanted the other person to just see, get exposed to. Maybe somebody we thought the other person would never choose for themselves. I set you up with my friend, Peter. Peter. I felt very loose on this date. There was no expectations. There was no dick pics before. There was no expectations of an air that I had to put on.

I thought he was amazing. We had Squirrel. I probably overate. I ate before. Squirrel's a restaurant in Los Angeles. Oh, sorry. I ate before just so I wouldn't eat so much, and I still ate a lot. We had fun.

We got deep. You got deep. Yeah, we talked about a lot, and he was a cool guy. Great teeth, great smile. Yeah, I would not have met him on Grindr or Tinder maybe. And I'm very glad I did. And I got a little bit of friendship vibes, but I don't know. It was only the first date.

It did get sexual a bit. Talked about sex, which turned me on for a second. And then it turned me off because that's very me. What's very me. So he was a little too much like me was a little like it turned me on and titillated me, but then it goes, Oh, that's the old Jess. And I want to maybe look towards something. He'd never been in love and he'd never had a boyfriend and he has sex eight to 10 times a week. And that's very me and what I used to do. And that's not really what I'm looking for in the future. So I had a great time.

But I saw what I liked about him was the same thing as what I didn't like about him. That's interesting. Because I know this person, obviously, who I set you up with. And I don't think that him not being, having had a relationship is indicative of him not being able to have a relationship. Right, but I'm also 11 years older. So that was an incident where I get in trouble a lot for dating young.

But he's not young. He's my age. It's still 11 years difference. And for me, if I get thrown that my face a lot that i date too young how old are you i'm 43 and how old was he 32 that's okay it's he's over 30 yeah he's not in his 20s if you get pushback when you go for people in their 20s because that seems like a total different playing field had the date end a hug by or you? Both. Who leaned into who first? I did.

You leaned in. Did he grab you? And I said, let's go to happy hour with Monica and or hang out again. He goes, great. So have you texted since? No. When was it? Tuesday.

Tuesday. And it's Thursday today. So why haven't you texted? I don't know. Okay, well, let's talk about that. Your instincts are going no? My instincts are friend so next time when me and monica go to a happy hour or something i'd like to invite him okay but there's no consistency that's not a relationship so you're in the friend zone now so the friend zone just happened because you instinctively felt he was a friend where you

didn't give him a chance now here's the problem with gay or any gay community. Same sex. It would be same sex because it's not, you know, if you're bi or fluid, it's different. Who makes the first move? Who makes the initiation to have the next date or the follow-up or whatever the case may be? Because, like, when women dumb, regular straight women dumb, we know the man does that, right?

Conventionally, yeah. Because if we do it the other way, we're chasing them, and then they think that we want sex. They're just programmed to believe that, even though it's not true, okay? So in your world, who makes the initiation after that date? The one that's more excited. You're getting into the whole, I'm gonna fall in love first sight thing, which is really where you're at. That's where you need to shift your consciousness because it doesn't work like that when you're looking for a relationship. We're not looking for booty call.

Booty call, you could throw a dollar and go on Tinder and you got it, right? So you initiated a hug. You don't touch people you don't like. So do you psychoanalyze too much your dates? No, I don't think I do. I was in the moment the whole time. So you want

to be chased you want to be the beta um that's it i just got it maybe yeah that's it you want to be the beta because i am the alpha in most of my so you want to be the beta and you want him to be more excited to go out with you and chase you and then you'll warm up to him to his level maybe yeah okay we're done that's it Peace out. Patty's work is done. So now we have to talk about why do you want that? And you said because I used to be the alpha, and I'm sick of being the alpha because it doesn't work, basically is what you're saying.

In life, though, not in relationships. No, not in relationships. Well, I've only had three boyfriends, and they all ran the show. Okay, but that means that you've been ingrained to be beta. I like it. So you want someone to chase you so when someone's fixing you up they need to know that person's an alpha so there's three types of types it can be male straight gay bi fluid doesn't matter alpha i take charge beta i follow and now the new one it's only 10 of the population

the androgynous person who switch hits from alpha and beta and confuses the world. And you have to decide in the beginning, women have to do this all the time because now there are straight men wanting to be a beta because women are making money now and they're successful. And then the man's like, well, you make money, you make the plans, you invite me, you plan the trip. And you're going, wait a second, he has the vagina is the follower, right? Because we've been ingrained to do that since society began. And then he's like, yeah, but you're making money now.

Do you agree with that? No. Well, it only works if the woman wants to be the alpha. So there are women that are in control that say, I love it that my husband is a cameraman. And I'm a studio executive. And I make the money. And and he walks the dogs and part time stays home with the kids. We have that. And that's OK. But you've got to want that.

If you were trained as a child to not like that, believe in it or accept it. Like I was, you know, raised traditional East Coast Jew. So that wouldn't work for me. And I've tried to do that i've ended up being the breadwinner so the hewitt makes the money is usually the one who controls the story and then i go god i hate this because i'm used to the man taking care of me nurturing me and i always find the hot beta you know the gym guy the hot beta who wants to be taking her and then that model doesn't work for me like i had to figure that out you all have to figure it out

so what happens is women have to decide what do they want, the beta or the alpha. And if they get into androgyny, you want a healthy androgynous person because they confuse people. They switch back and forth. Like in other words, they might be really handy in the house. Like I'll fix this. I'll take care of that. But then if it comes to travel or it comes to reservation in a restaurant, they're like, oh, I'm out. I don't do that stuff.

And then the woman's like, wait a second. I'm mad. I don't do that stuff. And then the woman's like, wait a second. I'm confused. Who are you? And they get confused. And nobody really discusses this. And you really, when you're starting to get in a relationship, when you get past sex, you really need to have a conversation of how this is going to work. But nobody talks about negotiations.

So you want to be chased. And he's a beta. So two betas went on a date the other night but i i don't know that peter is a beta but it's relevant to say the point of the challenge yeah was to not put any expectations was to actively not put expectations on both of our dates. Okay, that's bullshit. He's too old. He's 41. This game is over. I'm 43. 43. You can't play, hey, let's just see where it goes at 43.

You don't have time. But for a first date? When the first date is, hey, this person is interesting. I want to get to know him. But the first thing, look, he's a man. He has a penis. He is programmed. And by the way, he's gay.

So he's programmed to go, I could sleep with him. And if he can't, there's no second date. Then we're in friend zone. Straight or gay, men are programmed to go, I could fuck her or I could fuck him. It's one of the two. But they don't go out on a second date unless they're asexual and Andy Warhol. And they want to cerebrally get in your head. That's not your Peter friend.

But Peter is someone you could have sex with. Yeah, but it's very, it's going to be like a nonchalant sex. So it's not going to go anywhere. So you might meet at a party and they're at the same party or you say, let's go out for cocktails in a group and they might hook up and then it'll be one or two and they'll be done. They're not getting in a relationship. Because you're saying because they're both beta. Well, in this case in this case he wants an alpha see now he learned something today he knows now this is what i want i need to seek out men that will chase me and i'm the fine wine i'm the deal i'm the jewel to be adorned and he will find that guy because now he knows what he's looking for. But we have, you had a situation recently where you had someone chasing you. And did you like that?

I hated it. You didn't like him. Correct. There's a difference. You have to like the person who chases you. They are not the same. They are not the same. He was, this is horrible.

He wasn't hot enough to- There you go. To be- Now the hot bar- No, but this is part of, this is an issue. He's in gayville. I know, but you're feeding the fire of why I'm here. So what I'm telling you is, I'm here because I've had sex with 4,000 guys.

We're not talking about sex. We're talking about the unspoken word of sex, which is chemistry. Without chemistry, you have nothing. So if he didn't have chemistry for the guy who chased him, that's why he didn't like it. But if you like the guy who chased him. Who's your celebrity crush? henry cavill came to mind okay so the witcher if he were coming on to you you'd be really excited right and you'd probably be so nervous you'd have that seven minutes before we start the podcast right okay so think about that so now let's take it down to like

from a 10 to an 8 if you found a n Nate with a really good personality who's super sexy and kind, had some bucks in his pocket and chased you, you'd be thrilled. Right? So what it is is water is not seeking its own level here. See, that's where the matchmaker comes in versus the Dr. Drew because this is what I do all day long. And I'm not saying Dr. Drew's not right. He gave you a good exercise. You'll learn from him. I love Dr. Drew because this is what I do all day long. And I'm not saying Dr. Drew's not right. He gave you a good exercise. You'll learn from him. I love Dr. Drew. But the point in the matter is water has to seek its own level for it to be kismet. Take it into gay town. They move a little faster than straight town because women don't always feel safe. That's the reason why. But in

gay town, there is this situation where it has to be sexual and they cannot change what is programmed in their DNA. Now, I deal with this all day long. I fixed up Jeff Lewis. He's in a serious relationship with Scott because of me after Gage. Okay. He had to feel hot with that person. Yeah. There's no getting away from it.

And Scott had to feel the same way about Jeff. Yeah. I can't get that out of the equation because the DNA is programmed. Yeah, that's fair. Same way about Jeff. Yeah. I can't get that out of the equation because the DNA is programmed. I actually really, I really appreciate this because I've had a lot of talks throughout the years with Dax. And I do believe sometimes he puts his heteronormative thing on me and I try to defend myself. And then I sound like I'm making excuses. But I do think chemically that there's a different ballgame. It is. And

they have no safety issues other than STD, which means double condiment or whatever, rubber up, but they don't have safety issues where we have. Cause we're like, Whoa, you're moving too fast. You're going to rate me. You know, like we, we have that. I'm like, bring it on. Exactly. Rough and tumble. Right. Exactly. And so in that world, it's almost like, let's have sex first, get out of the way, like in Diane Keaton and Annie Hall. Let's get out of the way and let's see what else is there, what's under the hood of the car. So it's almost like relieves the tension in the room. I don't mind that because that's the way they're programmed and they should have what they want. And if that leads to true love, who are we to say we are not gay 100 but that's an important phrase if it leads to true love because if you've gone on 5 000 of the exact same thing none of them have led to true love something's messed up okay but it doesn't mean that it means he's dating people that are in water doesn't take its own level and we don't talk about that you're dating in the wrong pond

so what pond do you think he's dating first of, first of all, obviously the gym and, you know, Abby and all that stuff is cliche. That's a gay bar in Los Angeles. They still meet and they still hang out and they still have sex and they still go on dates. And like when people say, well, I haven't had a date in 100 years and I'm a girl, a straight girl. I go, well, you got to go where the men go. If you keep going to these feminine things like yoga class, you're not going to meet any guy except the gay token guy and the one that's married like you have to go where it's indigenous but then you have to screen and it's the screening thing where he might be off like oh great he's so hot i'll fuck him but

then i don't really know anything about him later and that's where chemistry takes the lead and is the spark but then we got to get to the layers like first of all do you have a job that's compatible to what my future lifestyle is going to be like some money and then you have to go to like do you want kids or i want kids because sometimes they want to get married have kids depends on what it is and then you have to go to like common interests which is the glue in our senior years you know we have to be able to laugh together do things that you two two or three things that you share in common you know and that's something that we don't talk about enough because that is the glue it can't just

be sex sex will not hold the house up no well these are our opposites so i care about those things potentially too much where then i get stifled because i'm like i the common interests aren't there or i don't want to spend time with this person. Well, you have the wish list. Okay. So you had to fix her up. Yes. With who? A hot guy at my gym. So Mark at the gym.

And what does Mark at the gym do? He's 35. He's good looking. He's an ex wrestler. And he. Has a job? Yeah. He's a trainer.

And he's a working actor. Okay. So did you like the job of working actor trainer? Be honest. Okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. We are not playing.

We're not faking it out. I was hard on him. I got to be hard on you. I know. So the key was I need someone who makes good money. You just bought a house. He cannot afford a house. I'm still texting him because he's hot

actually no yeah that is not why for me you didn't think he was hot truly i was like yeah i see objectively he's good looking but i personally was not like oh my god this is my physical time he's like look you're backing him up he's a backup let's be real you can fill him in during the week and go on a date with him he's super cute he's got a good personality Let's be real. You can fill him in during the week and go on a date with him. He's super cute. He's got a good personality. He's friends with your co-host. So he can fit into the posse, but he's not the husband.

Your bells went off. He's not the husband. Well, listen, the thing is with the house. So, yes, I bought a house, and that was very exciting. Maybe this goes into our alpha conversation. I don't think I need... I'm lying. You are so lying.

You can't even get the sentence out. This is amazing. This is amazing. Just be honest with me. But we are trying to protect some of these people's identities. Well, not identities, but feelings. We want these people to feel like experiments. We like these people.

Oh, wait a second. You can have them as friends. But we're gonna want these people to feel like experiments we like these people oh wait a second you can have them as friends but we're talking about mates and mates and friends are different and it doesn't mean that he's not a good looking guy and no he's not i mean him probably walks outside gets 5 000 checks i'm not talking about that and we're not saying these are not good quality human beings or catches for someone else we're talking about the two of you and i always say, no two people are alike. They're like snowflakes. Look, here's the thing that I always tell people after you've gone on a date and you don't like someone and the person texts you, I say, you know what? I just didn't feel chemistry. I wish you best of luck in your search because I know you're such a catch. Someone's going to find you. And that's really what you're saying. You're

not right for me, but somebody else is going to be out there. And if you had dated somebody who you know is not the one, you are their time you should be crucified for that yeah yeah what were you lying about i was about to say i think it's okay for me to be like the one with more money more status whatever all these things i and Because I want that to be true. You know what it's going to be like if you do that, right? They're going to become your couch potato living in the basement pot smoking son. And they will resent the shit out of you. They will resent the shit out of you after a while.

They'll love it in the beginning. You see they can't afford to take you anywhere. You're going to have problems. And who's paying the rent? Who's doing this and who's doing that? But it depends because, you know, it's so tricky in this city, I think, because up until two years ago, I had no house. I had no, you know what I mean? Did you work towards what you wanted?

Yeah, very hard. What if you see a man who's non-working towards their goal? Okay, that's a no. I mean, I'm not even like entertaining that. And what if you see somebody who doesn't have as much ambition in the money department as you do? I want this and I want that. Because you obviously wanted something, got it, and went after it. So you have to think about that. What if I think about a guy who doesn't do that? Well, the money is a byproduct. I wanted a career that I felt good about. And then these other things are byproducts that are amazing. But you didn't want a career that didn't make any money.

You wanted a career that had money so you could buy the house that you wanted, which was the end result. Or a car. Or a trip. Or whatever you wanted. A nice dress. Think about that. You did this to get that. You can't lie about that.

I mean, it's part of the soup but i don't you are giving her an out to not go on a second date and that is the biggest problem she's gone on she's gone on seven first dates with no second date doesn't matter i am talking about you to vet and find the ones that are at your level you you people know how to date. You're not nerds. I don't need to teach you how to speak at a dinner table and what conversation to say and how to pick up the right fork. We are past that.

You know how. Why waste time? Life is short. You're busy. You're working your asses off. You don't have time for this nonsense. So when you get out of the house and you put on that pretty dress

and you get your hair done or you go to dry bar or whatever and you put on some pants, okay, right your hair done or you go to dry bar or whatever and you put on some pants, okay? Right? You don't want to waste your night. So we don't have time for this shit anymore. Now we got to screen. And we got to spend time,

like traffic and conversion does on the internet, to find the person who's going to buy your product. You got to find the person who is your product. How do you find them? Well, how much do we owe you if you find them? How much do you charge? Monica and Jess Love Boys is supported by

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I want to know what I want to know these these criteria is there a pamphlet people fill out is there is it all intuition for you is it well I have a staff I have a full service operation that's international and it's millionairesclub123.com if anybody wants to join we have millionaires and non-millionaires we do gay we do straight we do fluid I'm dying to do a transgender I believe love is love okay so in that respect that respect, you fill out an application. You go through my system. It depends if you get me as a matchmaker. There are different levels. I'm not the most expensive in the business, but I'm not the cheapest. I'm 85 grand. I fixed up billionaires like Sumner Redstone all the way to regular Joes who live in Calabasas. It depends what you're looking for. And we have the largest database in the business and we're

small business. Matchmakers are a small business. We got crucified when the apps came out. And then now the apps are kind of falling off a cliff. And it's not because the technology is not bad. The apps did a great job. It has to do with the type of person who's attracted to the app, which is only 20% of the pop. The rest of them are single, hiding in their houses, watching Netflix. And they're basically, you know, hibernating. hibernating and LA is a big hibernation town we are the largest population of singles

in the United States and LA and unfortunately we don't drive we don't want to go from Los Feliz to Marina Del Rey oh I don't they don't want to go from Marina Del Rey to Orange County or the valley so we're in this like hub like where do you live 818 I live in 310 I'm sorry I don't. They don't want to go from Marina Del Rey to Orange County or the Valley. So we're in this hub, like, where do you live? 818? I live in 310. I'm sorry, I can't date you. And it's sad. It's really true.

New York does the same thing. Chelsea won't date Uptown. Uptown won't date Downtown or Soho. And they're like snobs. We call them zip code snobs. And so we have the same thing here. And then men are not aggressive here. Because we're the town you could

have a child at a wedlock and never get married and be socially acceptable now none of the country had that till recently i mean when murphy brown did it on television people were like oh my god and so now we have like in new york city wall street's like wait a second you have a child at a wedlock used to be like you can't join the men's club and play golf on the weekend because the wives won't like you. And now it's like, okay, well, it's everybody does it. So men are not eager to commit as much. It's like the biology their phone. They don't look up at the dinner. They're on their phone. They're friends with people they've never met on Instagram and Facebook and whatever. And they believe this world is like real to the point where we're disconnected. And so now I tell people to join groups of interests that they have in common. And if the person in the group is not for you, the guy, the girl, whatever, ask them to fix you up because that'll lead you to somebody you would never meet.

So if you're going to the same place over and over time and you keep going to that same store looking for that perfect dress, that perfect suit, and it doesn't exist, why are you going back there? So that's the thing we have to do. So we have to spend time researching who we want to meet and how we want to meet. That's not to say you shouldn't date a person that fixes you up and be grateful. But if you don't feel it, you can't make yourself feel it. But in her circumstance, how many dates have you been on and how many guys have you been with? It's practice. I'm a little bit with Patty on this.

It's practice. I'm a little bit with Patty on this. When I'm on this date, I am not sitting there like, what do I say? Or I'm nervous. I'm not at all. I'm not at all. You're a pro. I'm good at talking to people.

I know how to do that. But the chemistry. I've asked on every single one of these dates, did he grab you? Was there a flirting? Was there some kind of chemistry? And you said no in all of them. There wasn't. So why should she be the leader in that case?

Because I don't think she sees it is what I'm saying. Well, I mean, that would be a mock date that I would have to watch on camera like we do in Millionaire Matchmaker and check you out. But I don't feel she's lying. I don't think she's lying. I feel like the guys that she's gone on dates might have, A, been, hey, I'm intimidated. You own a house. I don't.

B, I don't really want to fuck you. Okay. So I'm not going to grab you. And it just might be that they're not each other's type. It's not that she's not beautiful. And C, it's that she might have been dating betas and betas don't touch. They let the other person touch them first. Okay.

So we've got straight betas walking around males and they're expecting the woman to do all the work in the beginning and i can hear the cheers coming from your audience right now i can hear it i can hear it also though it's 2020 we're in a me too moment there's a lot of happening in the world that I also think make men think hard when they're on these dates about touching, about being too aggressive. Oh yeah, the B2. Weinstein. That is a big issue. They're going to have to ask permission now. May I touch you? May I kiss you? And you're like, oh God, you had to ask me to kiss me. You didn't just grab me. We're throwing this against the wall anymore. That has gone away. So there is that fear, especially now. I think the

fear has grown in our town more than anybody else's. But I feel like people are like, oh, I can't be the way I used to be. That's what I think, too. And look, by the way, I think that's good. And I also think it affects on dates this this like touchiness and just thinks that it's required. But he's going on a date with a guy who they don't have this. No, they want to get down to the business. And I'm also not going to initiate that if I don't like him. What do you wear on the dates? Because I want to know, do you wear, you have a great body.

Thank you. Do you wear like a low cut little dress and cute little boots? And like, do you make it like, hey, I'm flirty girl. This is a great question. Are you wearing this red jumpsuit that, well, it's like a juicy couture kind of thing. So if you're wearing a juicy couture kind of thing, I don't want to fuck you either. I wasn't wearing this. Okay, what were you wearing?

And I wouldn't wear this, but what have I worn? I wore a tight fitting. Everything I wear on a first date is tight fitting. Okay, so jeans, tight fitting top? Jeans and a tight fitted top. Hair date is tight fitting. Okay. So jeans, tight fitting top? Jeans and a tight fitted top. Hair down? Hair down. Okay.

But the top is not low cut and it's not like it's spaghetti. Thank you. You need to show those girls off. You can see them through the tight shirt. We need to see those girls. I want to push up bra tomorrow. Okay, that's my homework assignment to you. Push up bra, low cut top.

No one will look at her face. Exactly. But that is like if you want that guy to initiate sexually first. But I don't. He does. That's why this is not. You can't just chime in and say that because that is not what I want. You want that with the balance of, hey, I'm a doctor and I own my own business.

So let's go there. So he still needs to get swing to get off the couch even if he's a successful gentleman the thing is the tight thing is good but i like this i mean i'm looking at your body and let's show a little boobage the boobage is gonna work for you don't you want someone to see you at the grocery store and like lean over and talk to you like at irwan or something i really don't i mean okay one to ten how much do you want love go one to ten love ten but i don't. I mean. Okay. One to ten. How much do you want love? Go. One to ten. Love ten.

But I don't want just a person. In order to get to the ten, we must put the chum in the water for the sharks to come, buddy. Like, that's how it works. You just can't show up and be cerebral and expect like Cinderella. I agree. Cinderella and the prince are dead. They died a long ass time ago. I don't want that either. I agree. Cinderella and the prince are dead. They died a long-ass time ago. I don't want that either. I agree.

I totally agree. I also, I don't wear low-cut shirts. Oh, can I do it once for you? Please, please. You could do, like, low plunge. You got that sexy, exotic look. Well, we have a challenge at the end of this, so. Okay, I'm already thinking.

Save that for that. I'm redressing you. That's it. I'm just taking you out and redressing you. I just want to you together like and make you zazazaz zoom when's your birthday august 24th okay so you're virgo what are you virgo it's nine one oh no you know you're the bachelor of the zodiac right no what's that mean it means they are the most critical people in the zodiac and they're the last ones to get married and if they get married early in life they usually get divorced oh well then that's good that i didn't get how old are you now 32 okay so virgos they're insulated a little bit much if they're gay they might hit it to quit it because

they're very sexual but they don't take anyone home with them they're looking for their compatible mean and if they don't feel it they don don't go there. Yeah, this is exactly. So that's what Virgos do. And they're really, you know, some are really clean freaks. Others are very cerebral. They love to read. They keep up on pop culture. They're like the Mercury rule, like Gemini.

So they know everything that's going on in the news and what's happening. That's why you guys have a podcast. They're great talkers. And they're also need someone who's stimulating across the table because that's not going to get you juicy goosey you need to be juicy goosey with someone who's not just hot but like he's smart that's exactly right for me her personality is everything wow she nailed it yeah what are you he's he said he's virgo right i a Virgo, but I don't fall into a lot of things that I've read about Virgos. Well, no, he's gay Virgo.

So there's a little tweak in that because their culture is a little different than Straightville. So they have a little bit more like they're going to be very physical. They're usually in shape. Virgos are usually in shape. Think Keanu Reeves. He's a Virgo. They're usually in shape. They don't go crazy on the food, but they have their indulgences

like, you know, sweets or salty foods. They like their thing. And at the same time, they're incredibly bright. Like no one gives them enough credit because they're kind of the drones in the background. They're not in the forefront as much as all the Virgos in like Hollywood. So what happens is, is they're the ones making the machines go. And they're also figuring out who's an idiot. They can spot a bullshitter in five seconds. Who not to waste their time with. So they know right away. They're very into

their intuition. Can you, for our listeners, go down the list of all of the Zodiacs and say what's happening? Okay, well we're in Aquarian time which is Jenna A time, Jennifer Aniston time. They're also incredibly, they're very smart. And right now, what's going on

with dating is we're having a really rough time of connection. It's not just you. It's everyone cannot seem to find their counterpart, which their parents could find in two seconds. Go to high school, go to college. There he is. You're like, wait a second. What happened? It wasn't like you

didn't want to find the one and you focused on work. That's a misnomer. That person did not show up for you. Right. I think that the wishlist cannot be a lot of things. I think it's got to be five non-negotiables. Okay. Two can be physical quirks. Like I like hair and height. And then three serious things like I want to get married. I't have kids I need them to make more money than I do whatever it is but if you get to the point where it's like a hundred things on a wish list you're never going to get anywhere and I also think a lot of people taking really pride in their appearance right lately so they're not they're not letting the Botox go away that's where I'm coming from because Dax is very hard on me as far as why do you focus on your looks so much when the best part about you is your personality?

You live in a town, A, that's predispositioned to care about what you look like. You're an actor, so you have to do that anyway. And C, you're gay. When you're gay, they care about looks. And I get mad at that sometimes. I'm always like, can't you just look at his personality? Like whenever I fix my gay friends up, you know, and they're all like, Patty, you know what I go for. I like I only like Latin men.

I like all American boys. Oh, my God. So they have types just like we do. We have types. Who is your type is what I was trying to find out. My celebrity crush is Matt Damon. Oh, he's adorable. Yeah. I've seen him on a plane cutie cutie patootie he's been my celebrity crush since I was 12 okay so did the guy look like Matt Damon no but I mean not at all no but I mean I'm physically I could say a lot of celebrities. What I didn't finish saying is that we've been texting since, which was a shock to me because we left and I was like, OK, like that was fun.

We talked and he and the more we talked, the more he opened up a little bit, which I liked. And I liked a lot of the stuff he was saying. I was like, OK. But then I really when I left, I was like, okay, so we'll probably not talk again. And then two minutes later, he texted me because, and this is very sad, Kobe Bryant died. Which is horrifying. But it happened while we were on. So you bonded over this tragedy.

Exactly. And then you realized you had something in common. Well, we had something to converse about, so we were. So you bond over the text and now has he asked you out again? Yes. And did you say yes? Yes. Okay, so go.

You can date a pair and a spare. Let's talk about that. So you date a pair and a spare. So first is a person you can't wait for the phone to ring. So you haven't had one of those yet where you're just like, oh, my God, did he call? Did he call? Did he call? That's not fun.

Okay. It's also not fun, but it's the number one seed so think of it like you're in a tennis tournament you got a rotation okay so he's number one seed second is cusper okay kind of funny he's kind of cute maybe doesn't make as much money as i like maybe he's not as tall as i want but i have really good time with him and i could go to the movies with him and there's something there but i'm not sure third is your best friend wherever you you go, whatever you do, you could fart, burp, doesn't matter. You can take him to a party. You can take him to a wedding. You know, you're never going to marry him. Now, eventually we have statistics where the friend ends up being the

husband, but I like the cusper because the cusper has mystery to it and you don't always know. And the first one is like, he could, Hey, I, you know, I didn't call you for three weeks. I submarine you and now I'm calling you now. And you're like, wait a second. Are you dating someone? He's like, of course I am. But this one didn't work out. So I've got free time now.

Kind of a narcissistic temperament. You don't want the first one. The first one is the one that's going to give you anxiety. And even though you're crazy and you see him as the dreamless. Yeah. You know in your heart he's going to break your heart. Not the one that's going to give you anxiety. And even though you're crazy and you see him as the dream list. Yeah. You know in your heart he's going to break your heart. Not the one. The second is really the best one, the Cusper.

So he is maybe falling into Cusperville, which is like, wow, I didn't think you'd call me. Wow, you're kind of like you're changing the game. You know, Lisa Renna talked about Harry Hamlin where they went on a, I don't know if it was a first or second date, and they kissed and it was really bad. Like Lisa said it was the worst kiss she ever had. And look, she's married to Harry Hamlin now. So they had to go back and have a second kiss. I think he said, let's do this over with. I've had boyfriends who've kissed me on the first night and was like, I'm never going out with him because if the kiss is bad, we don't go again.

And then they're like, wait, I kissed you really bad. I got to do this again. And then the second kiss is like awesome. Like they were on their game. So I recommend a second date with this. Because if nothing else, you're going to find out about you. Yeah, exactly. That's what this whole podcast has really been.

We're just like learning about ourselves. When's the last time you had a boyfriend? I've never had one. How old are you? 32. What do you mean you've never had a boyfriend? And I'll go into my spiel but also really quick i do have to say before this episode ends the money thing because this

is scaring me that this is out in the world that i like need someone with money i don't it's got okay you have a okay so there's the inadequacy in you because there's a there's nothing wrong with saying i want someone who's like me who's successful and is making money. When you say, Oh, I don't need money. Guess what happens? Cause I'm about to do a seminar called infinite love and money.com in LA about how money and love are not much different than each other. So now you're saying, I don't want that and I don't need that. But truthfully you do. And you're not admitting that to yourself that and I don't need that but truthfully you do and you're not admitting that to yourself it's okay to say hey listen I hustled up I want somebody who hustled up too and also you want somebody to take you away and do nice things because you're going to do the same

thing to him so you're really looking for a partnership a partnership you're not saying I want to date Mr. Private Plane no you're looking for a partnership who's hustling like you are. So you need to state I want someone who's financially responsible, can do X, Y, Z with me and take me out and can be a partner in the future to get married, have kids, whatever you want. There's nothing financially responsible. I like and that's true. Hustling is just the main thing and hustling for real like not just sitting you're in your 30s now we're not playing here anymore okay you know rachel lindsey from bachelor do you remember when she was on the bachelorette

she's the african-american yeah oh she had her own season right yeah okay and you remember she marries the chiropractor right right? So it was a great thing. She would tweet me. You know, I watched the show and I gave some advice. She goes, Patty, I ain't playing here. So when she had a choice between the hot trainer and the chiropractor, and I'm screaming at the TV going, chiropractor, chiropractor, he's got a job. He lives in Miami.

He's handsome. He's got the whole family. And you thought she was going to go to the broke ass trainer and she switched gears and she picks him she picks him, and we're all like, thank God, because she's crying, because she really loves the other one. She doesn't know what to do, blah, blah, blah. And then the bread-seed parts, and she tweets me and says, Patty, I wasn't playing. Meaning she came on the show for real, serious love commitment, who had his shit together. And that's what you're looking for yeah they got married amazing yeah and i love them as a couple i was rooting for them i liked her so she was one of

my favorite bachelorettes because she took this super seriously yeah like she was you know she was a little held back she wasn't as chatty kathy as the rest of the bachelorettes right she didn't have moments of breakdown she was exactly she was there to get married and find the one and i loved her for that because you know if you're going to use that platform you better use it yeah exactly and that's what you need to do We are supported by Best Fiends. Fiends! Yay! We love Best Fiends. It's such a fun game.

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why what? Why it didn't work out? Why he didn't want to go out with you? No, he did. We went out and then why didn't he want to go out with you after that? Well, it wasn't him. I didn't want to go out with him after that. Why? I just didn't like him as much as I wanted to like him. But why?

You're not giving me any details. That's just general hogwash. Well, is it? It's not. I mean, just like I wasn't attracted to him. What did he say that turned you off? He was a bit, it was a little negative. It was a lot of like general.

Because he probably doesn't have any jobs. No, he does. He works. He does. Does he really work? He does. A day player with a bunch of lines. No, no, no.

He works. He works works? Yeah. All right. So you didn't like him because his outlook on life is negativity. A little bit. I like someone who connects with things that they like over things that they dislike. connects with things that they like over things that they dislike and this is the only person out of all the people that you can come up with yeah at 30 something years old

that you got that close to yeah look i also again okay i'm not i'm not that's a very little fluid or no well Well, I have a question. What is the difference between staying away from dating and being asexual? Isolation. Something in their childhood, which would take a whole other podcast, which was we'd have to go into deep and see where she had. So when we're little, we make decisions and those decisions set our trajectory. So something happened in her childhood that set it up. Could be a divorce. Could be somebody hurt her when she was little.

And she said no. And then she just made a brain command, which we would have to biohack her brain to uncommand it. So there's a command there. And the command is basically she's fulfilling her prophecy by keep pushing away. So the command is no one's going to like me. Therefore, why would I like them? away so the command is no one's gonna like me therefore why would i like them that's the command so we'd have to spend time biohacking her brain to uncommand it so if we uncommand that your energy shifts and that's really important i you know you to do a lot of

work on yourself meditation can only get you so far you have to go to those places of why did i make this decision if you've had traumatic childhoods, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, if you were abandoned as a child, if you were adopted, I'm adopted. So there, you know, there's a lot of that going on, which is kind of driving the bus to Nowhereville, you know? And that could be it. The other thing is, do you think you've been around enough men who are quality that you would like, and that rejected you? Like, were there men that you've been around enough men who are quality that you would like and that rejected you? Like, were there men that you've met that you go, God damn it, why didn't I get in a relationship with him? Okay, so you've not really surrounded yourself with quality individuals where he's had a lot of individuals.

Well, I don't know if they're quality. Well, he could have made them quality and then disconnected from them after he had sex. So there could, like, I have a client right now who's gay. And he has sex on the first date, okay? Like, ad nauseum. He's done it since he's, like, 16 years old when he came out. And he's about 40, and he's very handsome and good-looking and wealthy. And I said to him, what if we don't have sex for the next six months?

So six months. Six months. I said, you can have your backup boys, but you can't, the guy that you date that's quality like on the wish list you can't have sex until the third fourth date you know let's try this for six months and so finally on the fourth guy i fixed him up with they hit it off and he calls me on the phone he goes what do i do he wants to have sex i said tell him that i told you you can't have sex so he tells the guy this and I'm the one who fixed him up and the other guy's like Patty said that he's like all

right let's do it and they spent literally three weeks getting to know each other before they set which is like six months in straight time yeah and they're dating that's amazing but see he had the I want to jump your bones from the moment he met the person but he didn't know the person underneath if you guys want to connect you got to you know, at a level eight versus a level 10. And he said, OK. And they tried it and it worked. And it was because he would sleep with them and decide after he slept with them whether they were good enough. But he didn't know anything about them.

He had no reference point of who they are, where they grew up, who relationships they had, what kind of friends did they hang out with. And I was always like, all right, tell me about the guy. And he's like, what's there to tell? I slept with him. I'm like, no, no, tell me about the guy.

And there was nothing to tell because he never got to know him. I have a guy at my gym for the last five years and he's been kind of into his house. We played games and he's super hot. He's a successful actor. He's gorgeous. He's nice. He's completely opposite of me. And he's super hot. He's a successful actor. He's gorgeous. He's nice.

He's completely opposite of me. I'm very right-brained. He's very left-brained. He builds his own cabinets. Every time I talk to him at the gym and I fall in love with his eyes and I'm just gushing over him in my mind, my mind says he's out of my league. And so that is my question to you. What do you think about that phrase, that person's out of my league. And so that is my question to you. What do you think about that phrase, that person's out of my league? So when they're really like either A, good looking,

B, make a lot of money, or C, perfect in every stage of life, and I'm not, we do that to ourselves because we don't feel good enough. We're not good enough. Now we would take you back to the time in your life when you felt you weren't good enough. And that's the trigger. So he's triggering something in you. Can you fix it? Could you go out with him? Yes. But the homework assignment would be, hey, have you thought about having a relationship lately? And, you know, would you want to have it? Would you want to explore that with me? And you would have to own up to that and be an adult and say it. to own up to that and be an adult and say it because that would teach you how to qualify someone and then you would get to know him and i bet you if you got to know him the way i think you would you wouldn't think that thought anymore you don't really know him no but when i leave the gym i don't think about when i'm there those insecure voice inside my head is saying yeah the devil saying you can't have him so what i would say to you is i would make a plan Your voice inside my head is saying. Yeah. The devil and that angel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The devil saying you can't have him.

So what I would say to you is I would make a plan to go out to get to know him and find out. Once you know they're human and they're not perfect. Nobody's perfect. No. Then you get to that. Okay, I could date him. But you're not there yet because you don't really know him. Well, I do feel we're friend zoned already though.

But you can get out of the friend zone. business of you've got what you pick is where you stay is lying you could be on a rainy night watching movies with him getting to know him and all of a sudden it shifts consciousness into into lovers like we have to stop this like you're set in what you think wow i've seen more people transition from friend zone to relationships than straight off into relationships because they feel relaxed. What you're trying to do

is get into a state of relaxation with this person. When you're in a state of relaxation and it doesn't trigger your seven minutes anxiety, then what happens,

you'll go, oh, he's not perfect. He's got this, he's got that. I could date him. You're not in that place yet. I mean, your homework assignment would be really to go out and date him. And it would be an exercise in fertility to get you over this I'm not good enough for people of the level.

I wish it was just up to me. It's not up to me. Well, you can ask him out. Yeah. And you can see what he says. Or you can say, let's have dinner. Could I ask him out as not a date? Like, just let's get dinner?

Because I think he— You don't have to label it a date. You just say, let's grab dinner, just the two of us. He came up to me two days ago, and he's like, I thought about you all week. You're so funny, Jess. And you really—you had me cracking up. And I thought about that for this whole week. Okay, so let's talk about why you think you're not good enough.

What are the first reasons you don't think you're good enough to go out with him that he's out of your league what do you think is it money looks what i'm too wild okay i'm his opposite you're most likely going to end up with someone more cerebral and not wild as you are you're going to end up with someone grounded but you're not saying anything right now about what makes him out of your league just because he's different from you doesn't mean he's out of your league. Feel. Go to your feeling place. I feel that I'm too gay for him.

Okay, that's bullshit. But that's again that. That's again, that's bullshit. So you're saying you're the queen, you're the life of the party, and he's Mr. You didn't know I was gay, I'm the football player in the back. Bullshit. Bullshit. He's gay. You're gay. End of story. It doesn't matter if one person's I'm the football player in the back. Bullshit. Bullshit. He's gay.

You're gay. End of story. It doesn't matter if one person's more flamboyant than the other. He's attracted to you. He wouldn't be hanging out with you. Your job right now is to go on a date with him. He doesn't have to know it's a date and get to know him. Then judge yourself.

How do I feel after that date? Do I still feel like I'm out of his league? He's going to say something that's so corny and so nerdy and so human. And you're going to be like, he's not all that. You watch, but you haven't done that yet. And also it's so self-loathing to say he's out of your league because he's less gay than you. So he has an internal and you're an external. That's basically what's happening. You're an external. He's an internal. So external internal is usually marriage. That's basically what's happening. You're an external, he's an internal.

So external, internal is usually marriage. You don't usually date or marry your same type. You're drawn to his groundedness. So think about that. He might turn your volume down. I was engaged to somebody who was like that, and I was external, he was internal. And about two years into our relationship, I realized my volume had turned down. I wasn't so, I got to be the life of the party. I got to talk all the time. I was like, had turned down. I wasn't so, I gotta be the life of the party.

I gotta talk all the time. I like, I was like, I was love. Oh God. And the sleeping was the best. Forget the sex. We'd curl up in a ball and watch 24. I remember we had the flu for like two weeks and we watched 24 and I never felt more loved and more safe and he pet me.

And it was like, he took my volume down. So let his energy come into your energetic field and let it blend because you will be surprised he's not out of your league that's a lie that's a lie you tell yourself that's probably a lie you tell yourself to not go for it because you want to be you want to be chased yeah and i have set myself up to fail as this thing, which I do with hot guys where I flirt with them. And it's a bit. Beyond. I'm the same way. I was taught the same way. Who am I if I'm not on? Who will love me if I'm not the life of the party and entertaining to the opposite sex? Like I'm at the point like

when I date now, I'm like, entertain me. How about you don't get on? You stop the on stuff. You can change your behavior. He's seen that part of me in the last six months. Now I've gone to his house and played games with him and another friend. And he is more drawn to me when he's seen this other side of me. Your volume is turned down. Yes. So turn the volume down. Ask him out for dinner and a movie or whatever you want to do and get to know him. Go home and then check yourself How do you feel about him? Do you still feel he's out of your league? Because I'll bet you you don't I don't think he'll say yes, but okay

Well, how did you come to his house? He invited you? Yeah, with two other friends, we played Catan, Settlers of Catan Okay, I don't see why He would say no Because it'll sound like a date And how do you know he doesn't want to go on a date with you? I don't, but I don't.

I think, God, now I'm in my head. You're right. Because I've created this thing. You created a story that you don't know is real. This story. You need to do landmark forum. I already took it 20 years ago. I love it.

Me too, but you need a refresher course because you're doing a racket. No, I have a racket about him. You won't know until you take the chance. And I'm open to it. Take the chance. Okay. Well, can I ask him to go won't know until you take the chance. And I'm open to it. Take the chance. Okay. Well, can I ask him to go to the Poke Bar right after the gym sometime? Because we've done that already.

No, no, no. It's not special. Something special. It has to be where you go home, take a shower, and go back out. Got it. Do something real. Like, hey, I got tickets to this, or I want to try this restaurant. Yeah, yeah.

I want to try this restaurant. Oh, my God. You know what he likes to eat. Find a restaurant that he's dying to try and then go there, make a reservation. I'm super uncomfortable, so this is a great challenge. You're going to have to get on the phone and call him up if you don't see him at the gym

and do it like right, just like you would do anybody else. It's funny because I do think this is a differential in the gay straight community because have you ever done that? You've never done that. No, I'm all apps. Even just this person to person idea.

Do you believe in out of your league? No. Like in general? No. No, you don't. No. Most people you think are out of their league, once you find out about them, they're not so out of your league. Everybody's human.

Everybody's got their issues. What about looks out of your league? Well, yeah. Th's got their issues. What about looks out of your league? Well, yeah, I mean, I can't see a zero dating a 10 unless he's got billions. You know, like that. We see that in the news

all the time. We're like, how did that guy get that girl? It's like, he's, you know, he's rich. But you should go two steps above or two steps below.

That's it. Two up, two down. He's got more action going than you. Oh, for sure. Because he sees people and he connects to people and he's always meeting new people his job is to learn how to choose wisely yeah and connect and slow down your job you have nobody you like so we're in it so to take this new guy that you went

on the date the other night with is is okay yeah you still need to practice dating because you haven't had a relationship he's had he's dating because you haven't had a relationship. He's had relationships. You haven't had them. So we need you to get in that feeling place of I'm going out. I'm flirty. I'm wearing my sexy look atop, you know, and I'm like, blah, blah, blah. And isn't it fun? Isn't dating great?

Isn't dating fun? Because you don't you think dates drudgery. Yeah, I do. And he likes dating. He likes meeting new people. Well he likes dating. He likes meeting new people. Well, he likes fucking. And dating leads to fucking. You're stuck in like, scientifically, he's not right for me.

There's also the other. So two challenges ago, she gave a number to a guy. And he's still in the rotation, too. How many times have you gone out with him? Once. But that's because then I had to go out with this person. Oh, you mean you can't date more than twice or three times a week? What are we going to do with you? I can't. I have like 17 jobs. Okay. So workaholic, when you make love a priority, love will show up. When you make work a priority,

work will show up. If you do not balance the two no one's showing up so i don't like that you can't date more than once a week because you got this you got that there's a bunch of bullshit you don't want to go out with them guy that you give up work for is obviously the one i think that's true but who's going to be good enough for you i don't know who's going to be good enough for you to give up the work if you don't spend time getting to know someone? You need to go out with the trainer boy to see how you feel. I am. I'm going to.

And I'm going to go out with the other boy. Did he ask you out, the trainer boy? Yeah. And are we getting a low-cut top over the weekend? I, Bloomingdale's is having a sale. 30% off. I just saw it. Oh, boy.

I don't want to hear your stories, your sad love stories. You already went out with him once. He already knows your look. Now you need to show the girls. But that's if I want to have sex with him. No. Just because you show... I love showing the girls and saying, don't touch until I tell you.

Like, this is my job. My little... But look, right now, look at your shirt. It's got lace on it. You've got lace, but it's a long-sleeved shirt, but it's tight. Actually, I have a date tonight, and I was debating whether to wear this. And you would wear that, right? Yeah. But this is not a guy I know. This is an app guy. I don't know if I'm going to be attracted. I wasn't loving the picture. Okay. So this is exactly my life. And second of all, I am duty dating tonight. I'm getting out of the house

to have a cocktail at Retto and drink, you know and eat some seafood and be like charming and I'm doing it. But I'm doing it. And I didn't put work first. But I'm saying that on these dates that I've gone on these first dates,

this is a very comparable outfit to what I would have been wearing. I know, but I want you to do a little more. I want you to get it. I feel like your sexuality you're not in touch with. I can't explain it.

I'm covering up because I could fuck anybody anywhere. The devil comes and I could't explain it. I'm covering up because I could fuck anybody anywhere. The devil comes, I could fuck him. So I need you to realize that I want you to get into the flirty. My boobs are 34DD natural. So when I show them, you know I want it that way. But mine are 32DD.

Okay, well, there you go. So you can see them in a tight top. I'm just telling you. But you need a low-cut top. You're you. But you need a low-cut top. You're skinny mini. You need a low-cut top. You can throw your, I love your, you know, Martins, but come on. Your thing is to wear a sexy hot outfit on the trainer date.

Oh, no. And to feel your sexuality. You can wear thigh-high boots. You can wear a mini skirt. You can do low plunge. Get your hair done at a dry bar, you know. Just do it like that. Okay?

And put your makeup on your eye. Blow those eyes up. I want to see Kardashian smoky eye. Oh, fuck. I want sexy Kim lip. I want sexy Kim lip. Oh, my God. Yeah, I want to see it.

You are going to be more Kim than Kourtney. With a lot of Khloe thrown in. Whoa. Okay? Whoa, whoa, whoa. So we're doing that. Okay. Could this be with the other, because she has two guys. Could it also might be with the other one? Can I pick?

Which one of you are more sexually attracted to? Trina. I don't know. The other guy's very cute too. So you have two cute guys and you don't like anyone. What do we have a problem with? Do you have a vagina? Is there a clitoris there?

What? Just do your thing. Like do your thing. What do we have a problem with? Do you have a vagina? Is there a clitoris there? What? Just do your thing. Like, do your thing. What's your thing? What's your thing? Come on. I can do my thing,

but I feel uncomfortable having that drink. Everything is, I feel uncomfortable. It is. Everything is, I can't do this. Everything is, he can't do that.

Shut the fuck up and just drink and be you. This is fucking amazing. Because I'm telling you right now, everything is a wall. You got walls, girl. I do. You are a wall girl.

Monica, what are we going to do with those walls? Can we break them down? That's the point. That is literally what we're doing here. Okay, so you're going to, you are not in your sexuality. Do you masturbate every night? Not every night, but I do a lot.

Do you have a vibrator? Yes. Okay, so you need to get your sexuality. When you masturbate, night? Not every night, but I do a lot. Do you have a vibrator? Yes. Okay. So you need to get your sexuality. When you masturbate, what do you think of? I'm not. This is so uncomfortable. Rob's too uncomfortable for this.

Oh, Rob, close your ears. Rob's married. Rob's fine. Rob's fucking doesn't even have sex because he's married. Come on, let's go. He's excited over this. Once you get married, the sex goes out the fucking window. Everybody knows that. Do you have a person you fantasize about? Do you go on porn?

No, I don't use porn. So you don't use porn. Do you have a fantasy of a person? I mean, I fantasize about people all the time. What do you fantasize about? What are they going to do to you that you're going to fantasize about? What do you like? Do you want them to take you to a fancy restaurant and undress you? What do you like?

What's your fantasy? What's your thing? No, it's not anything of like them doing anything for me. It's just like, it's just their personality. You're not thinking about personality when you're jacking off with a vibrator. I definitely am not thinking about just a hot person. No, I'm not attracted to that. I'm not attracted to just physicality. You just can't look at a naked man with a beautiful penis and a chiseled chest and go,

okay, I want to fuck the shit out of you. No. Okay, then you're not in your sexuality. We need to get you in your sexuality. Okay. Because when you're in your sexuality, you're not thinking about, oh, I really hope he has a good personality. You're thinking about take me and do me and stick that fucking dick in me.

Yeah, I do not do that. I don't. Okay. That's just the truth. We're going back to the outfit. You can have an extra cocktail if you Uber, so I give you three, but please space them out with food in between. Have a little pokey mokey whatever.

Second of all, you're going to get into you, your sexuality. Think about your fantasies. What do you want this guy to do to you? Maybe the night before a jack off and think about what he would do to you. So you don't think about, I need to get laid this week. I need to have a little sex. I'm going to go zhuzhy down there.

You're the opposite of every person I ever trained. So I have to usually cut the sex off. You need sex. Honey, I am telling you, put a condom on it. And I never say this to a girl and they're dirty. You're in dirty 30s. Dirty 30s is you're clawing the wall for sex. You can't stop.

You'll ride by the guy's house who gave her one orgasm and smell him and, like, you're in heat. You need to do this shit. Yeah. Get into your sexuality and he will show up. He doesn't want to go out with a cerebral doorknob. I'm not a doorknob. Meaning you are so stuck in your head. They want to touch you and taste you and smell you and feel you and play with your boobs. They

want to see the whole essence of you. That's what men are attracted to. Then you get down to the nitty gritty. Then you're like, okay, let's negotiate. But they may want to, but what if I don't? Well, most women in their 30s want that. Have you had your hormones checked? I want you to go get your hormones checked. They're fine. I also think there is a scale, and I don't think every single person— You're 31 and haven't had a relationship.

Hello? 32. And we're not a virgin here. So you're 32 and haven't had a serious relationship. It's because you're not in connection and there's walls up. Yes. So walls are something sexually happened that shut down the wall because everything you say to me is I don't want to be sexual. I don't want to be sexual.

I don't want to be sexual. I don't want to be sexual. He doesn't want I don't want him to think of me as sexual. It's like what is with the sexuality thing? Well, it's not that I don't want to be. It's that if I put on a low cut shirt and a skirt, there's an expectation there. You don't have to go home with him. You this is you wearing clothes for you, not for him.

I want to see if he touches you. And then did you get a tingle? I want to see if he leans in. Sometimes the guy doesn't you can't stand the guy. And then they kiss you and you're like, damn, that was good. I agree with that. No, I was getting feeling defensive of monica for a bit because she's gone on a lot of dates and she hasn't felt the judge right and i think that that just because i think she she will find the judge eventually but what i do agree

with is that you don't know what you don't know and that they talk about that landmark form a lot where you there is something that will happen that you have not even felt that you never know and that will be a second and third date right and it's going to be um interesting and the thing with you is this it's an experiment of course and what did you feel when you put these sexy clothes on um It's a really good story about Richard Madden, my favorite actor. And he says that he doesn't really feel the actor's role that he's playing until he puts the costume on. And when he puts the costume on, he becomes that person. Well, I want you to put the costume on.

Yeah, okay. That's my challenge. I will take it. So there you go. And that's not a hard challenge. He has a way harder challenge than you. You're going to plan a date somewhere along this next two weeks and go out okay and don't be nervous because i think you're gonna have a really good time well just remember you're not gonna try to impress him

or entertain him right but that's hard because i've been doing that for the last five years no sit there and go i want to know about you don't you know that people love to other people to ask them questions because they're flattered yeah so get to know him and you're going to wear your flirty outfit oh boy so we have a week to do this you're going to be hung over from super bowl on monday like everybody else is so go out with them tuesday night you need recovery day on monday and monday's laundry night anyway you don't give someone monday night that tells them like you don't like them at all. Do you know that? Every night is different of the week. Friday night is like girls night. So if you go out

on a Friday night with a guy, you're like, you're a cusper. I'm not really sure. Saturday night is you really like the person. That's the main event. Sunday brunch is like I squeezed you in. That's what we did for the first day. And Monday is laundry night. I really don't give a shit whether you die or live wow all right yeah let's talk about your oh my event yeah your event okay

so my event is march 23rd to the 30th you can go to infinite love and money.com you can register there it's a three-day seminar in beverly hills at palatial estate, all the foods included. And we're only taking 40 applicants. And we're going to teach you how to change the thought process of how you block money, you block love. They're kind of connected in a lot of ways. And we have a lot of systems that work really fast. This is not law of attraction, ask, believe, receive. This is real stuff that's scientific that's going to change your mindset to attract really big money and i know all the millionaires and all the billionaires and i know exactly what they do and plus i know people who you know have met on the first dates and fallen in love and gotten married so it's going to change your world um it's going to be

really intense thing and if you can attend you can buy it afterwards at infinite love and money.com because it'll be recorded. Great. Yeah. Wonderful. So check that out. Yeah. And that's in March. That's in March.

Right. Awesome. Well, thank you, Patti. Thanks for having me. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. I hope I wasn't too hard on you. No. We need it.

I'm tough. I'm tough love. That's what we're here for. Thank you so much. Hey, thank you so much for having me.