Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Race to 35: Post Retrieval

Episode Date: December 14, 2022

Monica and Liz get retrieved in episode 10 (out of 10) of Race to 35. In the final episode, L & M chat mere hours after their retrieval. They discuss their feelings, talk about the trigger shot experience, and discuss how their teams performed. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Wow. Wow. You guys, this is a big day. We're post-op. We're literally post-op. We both had our retrievals this morning. Monica got into a car. Well, I got picked up. I'm not supposed to drive, and so I didn't, but I got picked up. And we're in the attic recovering. You know how many people have told me who work at the clinic or in this field who are like, I'm sorry, you had your retrieval on the same morning? It's so weird. I know.

We've been in the exact same state for two weeks and counting. It's really special. I know. She was like, to just do it with a friend is such a great idea. So it's hard. Your cycles have to be synced. Slash, if you tell them you want to do it with your friend. Tell them you're doing a podcast. Tell them you're doing a podcast. Even if it's a lie, they'll give you a little pill. It just kind of syncs you up even more. But yeah. How is it? Oh man. Okay. So how do you feel right now? I feel pain. Yeah.

Do you do too? Yeah. I don't feel great. Yeah. I mean, we had a needle up in our bodies. I don't know if I said this already. I don't think I did. But a couple of days ago, I asked my nurse, how does it actually work?

And she said, when we were doing the ultrasound, she's like, it's kind of like this. Like we put the dildo up you. It has like a scope attached. So I think they can see. And then that has a tiny needle on it so that they can drain the follicles and get the eggs. They drain the follicles. Yes. I guess that's why some of the eggs don't make it. Because it's not just you're going in and scooping them up. You have to put them through a needle.

Because I guess it's not like a baby. Your vagina won't open up for the eggs. No. So it's like, I just got a little bit of sad news. It's okay because it's so stupid, but only 13 are mature. Yeah, I'm going to find out tomorrow. I almost wish they hadn't told me because so I got 19 and then they were like, you got 19. And I was like, woohoo. And then literally a few

minutes before I came, they were like, just so you know that 13 of them, they don't know if they're mature or not. They have to look through a microscope. Exactly. My note is don't give us a number until. Until they know how many are mature. Yeah, that would be helpful. It's like it doesn't mean any. I mean, it doesn't not mean anything. It's still good. Your team still performed really, really well. Yes.

19 out of 20, right? Yes. A lot of them were pulled out. That's really good. But didn't you have nine? I had eight. All of them. No, no, they didn't.

I got six. You have six out of nine. That's really good too. Only three little ones. Yeah. Didn't make it. And I don't know how many are mature. I'll find out tomorrow.

It's a little dicey. And the thing I think I didn't even know is that six sounds great. Do you want six babies? Basically, there's a calculator thing based on your age and how many eggs, what your chance of it leading to one baby or two babies. Did you look this up on Google? No, but she sent it to me. No, I was allowed.

I was given permission. I was encouraged. So my probability is 59% for one child and 21 for two. So there's a lot of things in the process like defrosting can cause one of them to have a meltdown. You don't know if they'll take, which means they might not take the sperm. So it's wild how many you need. It's tricky though, because to get pregnant, you don't, you need one. For this phrasing process, it's how many you can have so that you have an option in the bank. It has nothing to do with pregnancy. That's right.

But 13 is really good. My doctor, I was like, okay, so how many ideally do we need? If and when I do this again. And she was like, the goal is between 15 and 20. That's what they told me. That's still a lot. It's a lot. No, I'm saying 13 is a lot to get on a first round. Yeah. 13 mature, 19 retreat. That's a lot. A lot. No, I'm saying 13 is a lot to get on a first round. Yeah. 13 mature, 19

retreat. That's a lot. And I think that's more than most. It just, I didn't realize there would be a different number or that it would be vastly different. And it's not. I'm fine. No, you're allowed to feel that. There's so many pieces to this that make it hard. Yeah. How do you feel? I feel like I had expectations of this, so I don't feel that surprised, I guess. Like, I don't feel happy, but I don't feel surprised. Yes. I might feel surprised tomorrow if they say two are mature. I won't like that. But also, you know, I'm going to do it again and we'll see.

It's not uncommon. So many people do it multiple times and also decide circling back to episode one. They decide, okay, I've done it and I don't need to do it again. And 50% is not nothing. I also think it's like how soon you use them. Because the freezing thing, sometimes over time, they die off. Okay. There's a lot of factors.

Yes. It's not like putting a frozen turkey in the freezer and then you pull it out and it's still there. Everything's the same. They're eggs. It's supposed to live inside your body. So it's a lot to keep them the way that they are. Yeah. And a lot of steps in the process.

Definitely. So who picked you up? Kate, our mutual friend, the reason why we're here. And got me Tylenol and Gatorade nice and had a big cramp yeah i was like oh i hope this doesn't feel like this all day but it kind of went away they give you tylenol when the anesthesiologist i'm not gonna try and say it we don't have anesthesi say it today. Anesthesiologist? Anesthesiologist. Anesthesiologist. Anesthesiologist. I just feel, and again, I don't want to whine about this. I really don't because it's a privilege.

No, but don't do that. Now you're trying to affect your experience. Yeah. Okay. Well, I just think that there are little things along the way and big things along the way that I just feel like they really rely on you. I almost feel like it's baked into the process that if you're freezing your eggs, you're this independent woman. This is a small thing, but I went in. Well, it didn't feel small. So first you go in and the

nurse is asking you questions. Then she'll pass you on to the anesthesiologist and then the doctor will come in and then you all go basically in a room together and it kind of happens. So the nurse was like, oh, you have factor five. It's a blood cloth vulnerability gene mutation. That means I'm vulnerable to blood cloth. So she goes like, oh, you're factor five. Don't forget to tell the doctor that. And I was like, okay. Like, why don't they already know that? Yeah. I was like, I was just a little confused by even, she was like, okay, you're allergic to penicillin and you have factor V. Remember to tell the anesthesiologist.

And I was kind of like, okay. And then I immediately was like, wait, isn't that your job? Right. Isn't that literally your job? Isn't that why I talk to you? Yeah. And you're here anyway. I love nurses.

I love healthcare providers, but that was annoying. And then the anesthesiologist asked me all these questions. And then I say, by the way, I have factor V. And by the way, I have an allergy. And then we get into the room where first they give you an IV, I guess with Gatorade in it. And then that's where also they're going to put in the medicine. And as I'm lying down, he's like, you didn't tell me you were on Love Knox. And I was like, that's the blood thinner that your people put me on. Isn't that in my chart? Was that on me? I was like, I assumed you knew. You know what I'm doing, right? Do you know I'm here to freeze my

eggs? Do I have to tell you everything? Yeah, that's frustrating. Again, it's not a big deal, but it could have been, I guess, because maybe it would have changed something in the way that he would have administered something. And so there's that element where I still feel, I understand that this probably makes it cheaper that we're doing injections ourselves. Even today, the antibiotic, I have to go to CVS and I have to figure that out. And it's just, you need a person or you just need to be like really self-assured or have money to get it delivered. And, you know, all these additional medications too, like I have an additional 200 bucks today. So there's that. But then I had this really emotional feeling that I didn't expect. I wasn't nervous. I was like, be the independent lady. Like I was reading the news being like, this is nothing. And then I lied down, they did

the IV and then you know that the anesthesia is coming and it's going to put you to sleep and it's so it can be a little unsettling and as soon as they put it in I started thinking about her or thinking about the child that was going to come out of this and it was just this really I don't know I was just like I'm obviously overcome by emotion even talking about it but I like started to weep and then I immediately felt like I don't remember falling asleep obviously it like knocks you out it was this white light like it was really beautiful oh my god I'm doing this for you and how exciting that I get to do this. Oh, that's so beautiful. That's lovely. My friend Alyssa was like, sometimes there are difficult parts to this, you know,

and yesterday just drove Monica fucking crazy. All my pregnancy tests were negative. You're supposed to have a positive. So then I just thought, oh my God, this whole thing will be for nothing. I made a mistake somewhere. And she was like, you know, when it's hard, remember who you're doing it for. But for some reason, like I wasn't thinking about it when it happened, but it felt just more meaningful. Okay, the needles suck and this fucking anesthesiologist doesn't look at my chart. But at the end of the day, this is so exciting that I get to do this and I get to start that. It is.

That's a beautiful takeaway. I think that's hormones or maybe it's just hormones. I don't, I also like at some point you can't blame the hormones. Like these are your feelings. Yeah. They're real feelings. Yeah. Yay. Well, that's awesome. I'm so happy you had that. Thanks. How about you? Yeah, so I went in. Mine was early, so I got there at 6.15, and then they took me into a little room, and then the nurse had me fill out a bunch of paperwork and talk to me, and then I put my clothes on, like the hairnet. Yes, there's bonnets and hairnets. The cute little hairnet.

Okay, we're in the future now. Oh, okay. Something horrible has happened. Really bad. Well, it's on brand. It's so on brand that this happened on this day when our hormones were all over the place. We're seconds from crying at any minute. We couldn't even stand up straight.

We couldn't. We were still bent physically. And we had gone under. We went through surgery. An hour before. And let's remind everyone that Rob had COVID. So I was in charge this whole time while my brain was on fire of recording. And something happened in the middle of this episode and it stopped working we lost half of this episode it's the worst possible thing that could happen in life to anyone ever that includes diseases natural disasters taxes here well just really quick you know what i'm bummed about what i think at the beginning this you were trying to make a sound effect that let us know that we had traveled in time. And here I am.

I was positioned the whole time to do it. Try it now. Okay. I'm not sure. Do you want to try one of the others? Okay. Absolutely. I think what I'm doing.

Oh, I like that. Yeah. I think it's the. That was a combination. Yeah. absolutely. I think what I'm doing. Oh, I like that. Yeah, I think it's the. That was a combination of, yeah, okay. And then it's got to come closer and then go away. Okay, okay. Oh, that did something to my brain. That's appropriate. Wow.

Your follicles, I bet, just tripled, both of you. Yeah. Thank God. Better than the hormones. But loss has been a theme throughout this experience as well. Wow, Liz. So in a way, it's full circle. Great ding, ding, ding.

Even though we had a great loss, here we are. And we're having fun and we're going to make something even better out of it. So what we've heard so far is that I had six eggs retrieved. You just found out moments before that 13 were mature. I was really happy because the moment that was the most important moment of the whole episode was in there where you told us that you saw like a bright light and you knew who you were doing it for. So sweet listening back. But one thing you said after. So this is kind of a fun thing we get to do. As we were walking out, you said, uh-oh, no.

We don't need a transition for that? Okay. No. This is serious stuff. I know. You weren't traveling in time again. This is post. Oh, you're right.

Oh, my God. Okay, go ahead. Just hit me with that sentence real good. So after we recorded this episode, we were walking out. Oh, my God. That one felt like farting. Sounds, yeah, like we had bodily. Sorry, I got more options.

I do have one more option. We had gas. Okay, so tell me you're walking out. Okay, so back in August when this was happening, we wrapped this episode and we were walking out. That'll do. That'll do. Pretty good. And do you remember this?

No, I don't remember. You actually felt like who you were seeing was you as a kid. Oh. You don't remember that? It was profound. Oh, I don't remember saying that. I was really out a kid. Oh. You don't remember that? No. It was profound. Oh, I don't remember saying that. I was really out of it. I may have taken her too deep on that transition.

Yeah. That could be my fault. I'm before the retrieval now. We had the retrieval. It happened. You said that the child that you were feeling in that moment was actually you. It was so sweet. You loved your own inner child in that moment was actually you. It was so sweet. You like loved your own inner child in that moment. It makes sense, though, because isn't parenting kind of either you're going to repeat

some of the mistakes or you're going to repair and actually help process the mistakes that were made on you and hopefully do something different? Is it an embodiment of healing in a way? Because you're the parent now and you have a little more control. I guess we'll ask Dax. I got to acknowledge first that this is definitely egomaniacal. This is a self-centered aspect of it, but it exists nonetheless, which is I think the reason you may have saw your baby self is that when you have a kid, you think, I'm going to give this little baby what I needed. and you may have saw your baby self is that when you have a kid,

you think, I'm going to give this little baby what I needed. And it's very exciting and it is healing. It's slightly narcissistic. That's because you're a cynic, remember? Well, no, we don't agree with that. I think I'm a skeptic, but at any rate, I went into it with that notion. It's a weird do-over.

And then while it's happening, while you're watching the little person, it's regularly taking you back to that age and you re-examine your own life and you end up having a lot of compassion for yourself. I told the story on the other show, which was Lincoln had had a nightmare that Kristen and I had gotten divorced and we're going through that. And as I'm talking to her, I'm looking at her, I'm realizing, oh, I'm on my third dad at her age. I've already been molested at her age. And now I see how defenseless this little person is at eight years old. Because you think of yourself as maybe older than you were in your memory, your whole life, or at least I did. I

thought I was always in charge. But looking at your own kids, and then again, forgiveness. The other thing was, oh my God, I wasn't the victim. My dad was the victim. This is the experience one shouldn't miss. You know, all those things, of course it's connected to little Liz because in a weird way, that's what it's about. And for Monty, if you have a baby, you're going to set her up for all the things that you hoped. You want her to be a her so bad because you want it to be her in the picture. If I get to be an uncle to that fucking baby, good luck having any time with her because I'm going to fucking kidnap that little baby. What if the coyote gets her? In fact, I'm going to start growing grass that long in our yard just so I can recreate this photo.

You'll put her in a school where it's multicultural. She doesn't feel other. You'll do all these little things. I'll do also all the things I thought were a problem that really weren't a problem that I can also see now. And they'll have a whole new set of problems. My dad has his work, his sim work cut out for him when there's a grandchild. Can you imagine? He needs more tokens.

He really does. Stay tuned for more, if you dare. Race to 35 is sponsored by Vegamore. When you look at your hair, are you 100% happy, Liz? Not all the time, but since I've been using Vegamore, I am. I've tried a lot of different products to improve my hair health, and they're all not great. They either are natural and they don't really work, or there's a lot of chemicals and they work, but then you're like, what am I putting in my hair? And that's what I love about Vegamore.

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So if anyone's doing this process, I really would recommend starting with this shampoo and conditioner. Go to Vegamore.com slash fertility and use code fertility to save 20% on your first order. That's V-E-G-A-M-O-U-R dot com slash fertility code fertility to save 20% off at Vegamore.com slash fertility. We are supported by ZocDoc. It's hard to find the right doctor. We found great doctors through this process. Obviously, yours got a lot of random texts. A lot of texts and answered so many of them.

Yes. It's really important to find the right one for you in your network and in your neighborhood. All these pieces can make it feel impossible. But with ZocDoc, it's a free app that shows you doctors who are patient reviewed, take your insurance and are available when you need them. So you go there, find what works best for you. Yeah. And as a Canadian, I can tell you, I get overwhelmed by your health care system. And I find that ZocDoc, again, because it's free, it helps you save money, it helps you make sure that you're seeing the right doctor that's covered by your insurance. Yeah. You don't have to go to two because the first one was bad. Or again, pay fees and have these surprise bills in the mail. So on ZocDoc, you can find every

specialist under the sun, whether you're trying to straighten those teeth, fix an achy back, get that weird mole checked or anything else ZocDoc has you covered. Yeah. And it's a super easy app. Very user-friendly. We love that. You can go to ZocDoc.com slash race and download the ZocDoc app for free. Then start your search for a top-rated doctor today. Many are available within 24 hours. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash race. ZocDoc.com slash race. Anyway, that first little chunk, I'm sorry it was way shorter than it should have been, but it still encapsulated our experience that day in, I think, a very accurate way. The only thing I want to touch on is a little backstory to the day before our trigger.

All of the trigger shot stuff. Yeah. So the day that we had to do our trigger shot, mine was at 7.13. They gave us the most specific times. Yours was at 11.34, something like that. Yeah, because it had to be I think it was 12 hours before

the retrieval. It was very specific timing. You came over. We were hanging out. The trigger shot is a big old needle, but did it! Yay! So excited. It was weird because it was the first one we weren't doing at the same time, but you were there and it was exciting. And then we sat down to chat

and then I was going to drive you home. Where was I taking you? I think you had no more pills left. I was out of seizure pills and we had to go to the pharmacy to get them. This is seven. The pharmacy says it's open till ten. Plenty of time. We get in the car and I was like, I feel horrible. I feel woozy. I feel like I'm going to throw up.

And you were driving. Yeah. At that point. And Liz doesn't know how to drive. I don't. So she couldn't take the wheel and jesus wasn't around to take the wheel either unfortunately he's never there oh my god i mean it is almost christmas happy birthday anyway i could tell you were trying not to freak out but also like like

be supportive but not know what to do yeah so I was like I feel like I should go back inside so I circled back we parked I was so wobbly and nauseous and I felt crazy and I don't get nauseous very much so it was very weird we went in and then I like immediately just like laid on the floor. Yeah. Not even on the couch. It's like, I need to be horizontal immediately. And you were so sweet. You were like, I need to get you juice because people think that that's the cure. My first thought was, did you have any orange juice? Yes. There you go. Because everything gets funneled into the diabetes. She got low blood sugar. She's like, I need to get juice.

But also we had this looming, like the medication. Yes. And then my medication was at Dax and Kristen's and I don't know how to drive. And so there was a lot of different transportation that needed to happen and no person who knows how to drive to do it. And you were not well. And I felt even bad about leaving you in that state. This sounds like the scene out of Wolf of Wall Street when they're on a ton of quaaludes. Yeah, I know.

Actually, yeah. And they're like laying outside. They think they're doing it one way. Exactly. So Liz sweetly got in an Uber, went to the horrible, scary Rite Aid. The worst. The guy that got punched. No, the woman got punched. The woman got punched at that Rite Aid. The worst. Where the guy got punched. No, the woman got punched. A woman got punched at that Rite Aid and someone got shot.

Yeah. And you called me and you were like, is this the right one? And I said, yeah. Did she write, is this the R-I-T-E one? Oh. That was a great opportunity for you to make a pun. A lot of mistakes were made. Yeah.

Our brains are still not. They are all the way back. Yeah. But you said, is this the R-I-T-E one? And I said yes. And then you were like, it's closed. And I was like, oh my fuck. It was closed at six on Saturdays.

And so then there was a new panic. I have all these insane hormones now on blast because of the trigger shot. And I don't have seizure pills to take tonight. Obviously, I'm having a seizure tonight. I'm setting myself up for the worst failure. Do you think about wearing a diaper to bed? No, I didn't. But I did think like, look, if I have one, I have one.

If I die, I die. That's it. But I was like, I can sleep I have one, I have one. If I die, I die. That's it. But I was like, I can sleep over. Yeah, of course. She was. I was like, you can't sleep over because my appointment was at seven. I was like, I have to wake up at five. You then have to go do your own retrieval.

Like it was too much. But also, yeah. So then you Ubered to Dax and Kristen's. You picked up your medication. You picked up some juice. Some juice and some random snacks like a banana. She put you on the brat diet. A kid's juicy pack.

It was so sweet. By this time I was in bed. I was feeling a little better, slightly. I came in and there was a garbage can next to her on her night table. And she's lying there. And I was like, oh, God, she's not well. This is really bad it was not a trash can it was a really fucking expensive candle and it's really large and it kind

of looks like a trash can i guess like the most expensive trash can you'll ever buy i hope you keep it after it's all burnt out for an emergency it's true it doubles up but it's so heavy it'd be hard well you wouldn't knock it over that's really true anyway that came out months later she thought that was a trash can the whole time yeah you were really disturbed by the whole scene but you were in high spirits yeah but then we had another entire issue with yours so yours was coming up and we were preparing and yours was different than mine. That was the first time in this whole process that our medications were for some reason different. We couldn't get the lid off of one or something.

Yeah, off the needle. Yeah. And then I was like, it'll bend. We started to freak out. We were calling all these doctors to try to fix it. 11.30 p.m. It's just like 2.30 on the East Coast. The doctor's like, first things first, drink some orange juice.

Both of you, I can tell. Fix it. You need it. But we made it work. And then I gave you yours. You Ubered home. And then how'd you feel? I was more worried about you.

I was like, if I'm sick, then I can't even help her if she gets sick. And so I was like, yeah, I didn't let myself feel. So selfless. See? No. No, it was like stressful. It was stressful. And you guys weren't here.

Like no one was kind of. No one was here. Yeah. I'm learning a lot in this. I really am. Because I now know what you want. Here's what happens. You tell me like, oh, my God, I'm on the floor and I feel crazy.

Right. And then I would immediately go to, well, there's no solution to that. Right. That's what happens you tell me like oh my god i'm on the floor and i feel crazy right and then i would immediately go to well there's no solution to that right that's what i would think this is like let me get a bunch of shit that's not gonna do anything like let's grab this i got some peanut butter here's some flour uh right there's all this juice you didn't want but you feel so loved when she shows up i get hung up on the is this there's any point to this i should just grab random shit and show up. You're interested in practicality. I'm learning. And it's not always necessary.

What's necessary is feeling like someone cares about you in that moment. I'm really recognizing that because I'm like, okay, I know what I would feel like if I was Liz. And then I would come back and I'm like, what can I, there's nothing. Like, what am I going to get? Readjust her hormones. And then I would just, I wouldn't think to bring you

like a drawing tablet, you know, or something. But it's just about someone scattered around and they made a care package. It doesn't matter what's in the care package.

and of course, then when that's happening and you were like, I really should spend the night. Yeah. Like predatorily. Yeah, I was like,

stay out of my business, please. Someone needs to watch you while you sleep. No, but when someone is giving in that way, then of course it brings me back down to earth. Right. And I'm able to say, no, what's that going to do? You don't need to do that. Then I can be rational. It's almost Machiavellian because she starts acting so irrational with this random grouping of products that you're like, well, shit, I think I got to be the one here.

You know what I think it does, too? I came in with authority. I was like, you should drink juice. You should drink these little packets for kids. Just that. I feel like someone being even though you don't know what's going on. I mean, that's what mom is. Yeah.

I was a lifeguard for a lot of years and it's so basic. And obviously giving CPR is not simple, but what gets like 80% of people better when they have a drowning accident, like something like really bad happened is just the little blanket and like making sure they don't face the pool and that they're facing you. It's a lot about bringing down shock basically, which you are not in shock. And again, I was probably also managing myself so that I wouldn't feel stressed because I was

stressed. Yeah, you were. Oh, God. And we have to back up even further. Yes. So all this happens. I don't have a seizure and I'm already wrong about something. The trigger shot is 36 hours before. Like a random number. Because what happens is you do the trigger shot. The next morning, I had to go at 5 a.m. on Sunday. I went to the clinic. I got my blood drawn. They're testing to see if your body took the trigger shot, basically, if it absorbed.

And they're testing for HCG levels, which is fascinating because that's pregnancy levels. So that's what happened with me. But you had a different program. They didn't have me come in with the blood test. They gave me a pregnancy test, a little paper bag the day before. And they were like, do this pregnancy test and it'll probably be positive. And that's great and so i did my pregnancy test in the morning we had manicure planned my pregnancy test is negative so hard at the manicure plan well because we're both guys like if rob and i had we're building a barn project and it was like and then we had we got we both got haircuts and shaves like whoa weren't you guys building the barn you know for us we're. What? No. It's like the day before the big event, and you have to, like, look good and feel good.

And it's like big competition was coming up that we had been gearing up for for a long time. Our whole lives. Okay. So. Also, but remember when we learned that you can't have nail polish and we had to text our doctor again your guys is poor doctor so we got pedicures instead they press on your fingernails to see if it will fill with blood yeah it's like your extremities are working during the surgery. I think. Anyway,

we had manicures planned with Kristen and the girls. Kristen at this point was back in town. They got in the night before. We go and your pregnancy test is negative. And then I text my doctor not about the nails, but about the pregnancy test. And then she's like, OK, just go buy one at the drugstore. Sometimes pregnancy tests can be off. We decided to wait to get the pregnancy test. And then she's like, okay, just go buy one at the drugstore. Sometimes pregnancy tests can be off. We decided to wait to get the pregnancy test after the manicure because we're like, whatever. Let's just go ahead and get to the manicure. We don't really have time.

Yeah. We don't really have time and it's fine. Maybe we'll go to lunch. We'll get it on the way. Yes. And then we forgot. We were getting our pedicures. Kristen and the girls were getting pedicures

and Delta decided in the middle she did not want to get one we beat them there so we started early so we were done early yeah and we were like let's go to houston's yay and we'll get a pregnancy test on the way it'll be great just keep kicking it down the road and then delta comes up and she says where are you guys going and i said oh we're gonna go to lunch and she said can i come you guys going? And I said, oh, we're going to go to lunch. And she said, can I come? And I was like, yeah. I don't know how long our day is going to be. Are you okay with that? And she said, yeah. So we told Kristen, we're bringing Delta with us.

Because she was with us for some reason, I was like, should we just wait to get them pregnant? Yes, exactly. I feel guilty about this. Don't. There was a lot going on. And also remember Liz can't drive. Yeah.

So she can't go on her own. You had two dependents. A tall one and a short one. Yeah. And one of them needs a pregnancy test. But then we did stop

and get one. We stopped and got one and then we ordered lunch and then I was like, okay, I'm going to go do the pregnancy test in the bathroom at Houston's.

Yeah. Naturally. I do the test and it is negative again. The retrieval is the next morning. Yes, exactly. I'm a little nervous now, but again, I'll walk. I'll get my hair done. I'll get exfoliated. I'll get a deep tissue, 90 minute shiatsu, and then I will go back to CVS. But also, she's in the bathroom for so long. And I'm like, oh, God.

Delta's hungry. So we're going to go ahead and order. I'm texting her. What's happening? You're like, I'm still waiting. And then it's negative. You had one more. So you came back out.

You drank a bunch of water. Oh, right. Oh, God. I'm surprised you didn't have juice. You drank a ton of water. And we were like, it's fine. It's going to be fine. Like this third one for sure. And she goes back into the bathroom. Negative. Negative. So now I'm freaking out.

Then I'm like, okay, there's a CVS. That's a 15 minute walk. I'll just walk over. You guys eat. And so I walked to CVS and my flip flops from the pedicure. And then I'm texting my doctor. I'm like, it's negative again. And so she says, get the ovulation test. Because at this point, that is all we need to know. Like the pregnancy test might not be reading it. But as long as the ovulation test is positive, you're great. And so I go to the CVS. I get a pack of eight ovulation tests.

I walk my ass back. And then I go straight back to Houston's bathroom. And then I do maybe seven of them and i'm not ovulating but now you're like i gotta go back to cvs and i'm like for what at this point these are not working but then you do go to cvs i go back yeah and then i pick you up on the side of the street yeah and then i got more tests you guys this sounds so identical to a story about two addicts. This story could only make sense. I've left lunch to go to the Chevron to meet the guy like six times. And you're just like, I'm not doing anything until I get this thing.

Oh, 100% for sure. 100%. And I still have Delta. She's like, I'm ready to go, man. People wonder how they end up with like, what do you mean? You left your child in the car at a crack house? Yeah. 100% and I still have Delta she's like I'm ready to go people wonder how they end up with like what do you mean

you left your child in the car at a crack house yeah no you took great care of Delta thank God well

one of us yeah and then my doctor was like okay well have you come in for blood tests oh no they just closed

and then I went back to Dax and Kristen's place I did a bunch of other tests and then for some reason those were good there was like

kind of a barely there line and then I sent a bunch of photos to the doctor for some reason those were good. There was kind of a barely there line and then I sent a bunch of photos to the doctor and she was like, we're good. We're back on track. It was so weird. It was just a lot. And they wanted a very specific brand test. The first CVS run was the wrong brand. I don't know. Have either of you ever seen

this show Absolutely Fabulous? I haven't. No, I've heard of it though. Huge, huge hit in england for years and it's about two women who are luscious oh and it's tremendous it's so funny every aspect of this from the you on the floor and the trash can and the whole thing sounds like an episode of absolutely that's how this whole show was and the irony that we were sober during it yes it's true i was trying to be calm but i was really yeah vicariously stressed out i was like what the fuck she's in and out of houston she's been to cbs three times she's been in the bathroom

there's sticks the whole trip someone's emptying the trash can because it's full of sticks i'm feeling also like really codependent about it. Like she's stressed out and there's something I can do about this. But also like is she going to be able to get her retrieval? And then what about the podcast? Of course it just starts spiraling

and then Delta's like, give me your phone so I can play games. I'm so proud of us for getting through it. That day was nuts. Also, we've been friends for like 14 days. Real friends. I remember I was like,

oh, this is my mean list when I'm really stressed. And I was like, Monica's not going to want to be my friend anymore. I like apologized like 10 times over text over that.

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anyway it all worked out it all worked out and we got our retrieval and that's when time changes we're at present day well we're at the present day of what you just heard. And what ended up being interesting is, let's call it luck, which is not what it is, but it's a nice spin on it. We ended up having to record again anyway. And you'll hear why. And that's the second part of this episode. And let's get into that. So we thought we were done with this podcast, but we have a little bonus update for everyone. I felt like it was not fair for me to not share this info because I know I'm not the only one out there who's experienced this. So I think it's important to share. On our finale,

we talked about our retrieval. We talked about how many eggs we got. Reminder, Liz got 19 and 13 were mature and I got six, but I didn't know at that point how many were mature. I figured all six would be mature based on their size and their growth and everything. But I got a call the next day from my doctor and she said, bad news. And it's like, ah, okay. And she said, two of your eggs were mature and one is not mature, but we think there's a small percentage that it could mature. So we're freezing that too, but really two mature eggs, which since you guys have been following this whole time, I think, you know, by now is percentage wise zero. It was a blow. Ironically, we were at lunch at the place that we started this whole process. We went to Beachwood Canyon Cafe. Rob's back, so now he's doing Googling, which we like. Beachwood Canyon Cafe.

Okay. Beachwood Cafe, which is where we took our cover art pictures. That was before we knew. We were so innocent. We hadn't started our shots. It was before it all began. We had returned there, and I got the call while we were there eating burritos. Yeah, it was a big bummer. There's just no getting around it. It was a big bummer, and it felt really disappointing. It felt like a huge waste of time, money, energy. I don't feel that way anymore, I will say. I don't feel like it was a waste. I feel like it was an experience and I don't regret doing it at all. I learned a lot about my body, learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot about my strength. I'm still grateful. I'm also though

in a position unlike so many women where it was very annoying to think, oh wow, $10,000 for nothing, but I'm really lucky in that I can do it again and I will do it again. And I don't have to really, really super sweat about the financial element of it. But I feel for so many people who are like, can't do that. Can't do that. And hear this information. And that money really is gone. And it could have gone towards rent, mortgage, whatever.

A lot of burritos. Necessary burritos. Anyway, so I did feel like it was important for me to share that because it was a big update and it was a big part of the process and it wouldn't have been fair for me to sort of keep that to myself it's a big deal and the fact that you're talking about it and sharing it this is 48 hours ago just as your friend seeing you go through this and your resilience going through this. Also, it was the day before your fucking birthday. When the doctor called mid-burrito, it felt like you did regret.

You were like, that's just all this money down the drain. And, you know, I wouldn't have known that there's maybe something wrong. And there is nothing wrong, right? It's so different from fertility. You were like, it's embarrassing. And you didn't even know if you wanted to share this. And it's so amazing that you're here and you're saying this

and you've come so far in so little time and that you're willing to share it with people. And that's just like a really big gift. And I think there are so many people who will be listening to this who will be in exact same position. How did you process all of this and get to a place where you can be thankful for the experience? Well, the other thing is I kind of like blacked out. Like as soon as she said two, I was like, oh my God. And then

she said, you know, it's surprising even for her because those six felt like they should have yielded mature eggs. And so they didn't, which could be indicative of X, Y, and Z words. I blacked out and don't know what she said, but she kind of gave potential reasons. Then I was like, oh my God, something's actually wrong with my reproductive system. Oh no. I just remember I did say, okay, so when you say that sometimes this process reveals information, what does that mean? Right. And then she, again, kind of said something I don't understand. I mean, she basically said sometimes your ovaries, the way they act don't necessarily represent your age. And I was like, so are my ovaries 90? Like I'm a grandma ovary. What does that mean? But circling back to the very beginning of this,

the birth control potentially had an impact. And so we'll see. And I am going to do it again. I'm going to do it after having been off birth control for four or five months. And she has a new plan of how she wants to go about it next time, having had this experience, which is a little bit longer of a process and a little bit different of a process. So anyway, I came back into the restaurant. But like, of course I was with you when they called. Of course.

Because my dad's running The Sim and he at least wanted the podcast to be good if I had to go through this. So he arranged it so that I was with you. So sick. Yeah. I told you and you were so supportive. My first instinct was just, I don't want to talk about this anymore. And I don't want to think about it. It's like, moving on. Okay. I want to look at the anymore. And I don't want to think about it. It's like moving on.

Okay. I want to look at the menu. This is over. Moving on. You even wanted to talk about dating, which is a topic you don't want to talk about. I hate talking about it. You were like, let's talk about who you want to matchmake me with. That's how I knew something was wrong.

I was like, oh, she wants to talk about this. There's nothing to say. That must have been Liz. No. I mean, I have my 13. I can't. You're allowed to be disappointed about two or feel whatever feelings you have about that. I mean, not even. I almost felt, oh, and I have 13 and. I can't. You're allowed to be disappointed about two. Or feel whatever feelings you have about them. I mean, not even.

I almost felt, oh, and I have 13 and she only has two. Like, she has to be around a 13 now. It must be so annoying that I was there, actually. No. And there's just nothing you can say. I talked to my mom about it afterwards. And my mom was like, oh, it's like a miscarriage. Which my mom has had, too. And the reason why I'm here is that she had a miscarriage, which my mom has had too. And the

reason why I'm here is that she had a miscarriage, right? It's a horrible, horrible thing, but it is a grief. And she said, you know, cause you've been talking about this for two weeks, but imagining what's going to happen after this process. So of course it's a loss. So I think just acknowledging, you know, you don't have to see the silver lining. You wanted something different. And that's hard. Yeah. I had had a little tinge of that feeling of this feels like stupid. The way I feel didn't seem like it matched what was happening. I feel like I like really lost something big, but I didn't. I didn't have anything. There wasn't anything I lost. But then that sort of gave me some validation. It is, we just like future surfed for two weeks. We really did. And not only that,

but our bodies were wrecked. Yes, you were getting off hormones. So after the retrievals, emotionally, when you can have the most difficulty, we were walking like pregnant. Cars were slowing down when we came out of the diner because we walked like we were pregnant. Your body was in pain, which again is what happens in a miscarriage. You're not only getting this really terrible news, but then your body is still reeling from it. And you're like, wait, I have this horrible thing and my body's wrecked from it, from something I don't even get to have. Yeah, it was hard. But you got through it. I've had people reach out today be like, how's Monica doing? I'm like, oh, she's fine. And I'm like, oh, right. Two days ago, I was like, oh, my God. Like I was like crying, you know, talking to my friends. It is incredible, Monica. I think it's so amazing that you can talk

about it today so that again, if someone's listening to this, going through this or have gone through this and they haven't been able to get at the point of processing the grief of it, it's amazing that you've been able to do that in such a short amount of time. Thank you. Yeah. I mean, onward and upward, you know, everything's going to happen the way it's going to happen. And I have no control. And it's yet another reminder that I have no control. But we get reminders in life, right? Like we don't have control over anything. And we walk around with this illusion that we have it. And then you have these little peaks where it's like, oh, yeah, no, I don't. Yeah. And resisting the urge to turn it into a story. We make our lives more difficult by

taking one interaction or one life event or one thing and be like, well, this is why. And I think one of the really impressive things you did was separating it from fertility. Well, that took a minute. I know it did. How did you do that? Well, definitely like that's where my mind was starting to go. Of course. Oh my God. Now I'm infertile, which my doctor was clear to say is not true. She was just like, doesn't mean you're infertile. You made mature eggs. All it takes is one. It's just these numbers matter for this. They matter for freezing. They matter for IVF, but you can still get pregnant from what we can tell. And I heard that, but when something didn't

go the way it should have gone, it means, okay, so maybe things won't go the way they are supposed to go next time or any time after that for the rest of my life. Yeah. So Kristen, I came and saw her and she was very helpful and she was really hammering that it doesn't mean anything about my future. She was like, if a scientist was looking at this, they would say, well, this is one result for one time. You need many results in order to even make a conclusion. And so don't make a conclusion about something that you don't have a lot of information about. That is important for, again, people to hear. One retrieval is one retrieval. It's from one moment in time, one cycle.

It's not something you can generalize about your body. And I think that is important. Also, you mentioned it a second ago, but it's really true. And this is so me. But the first instinct was pure embarrassment. I was so embarrassed. It's like when you really give something your all. Yes.

In front of everybody, like a boss. You just were on stage. Yeah. And then you fall on your way out. It's embarrassing. And it's not. If somebody else was telling me this, of course, I can try to remove myself and try to hear it as if it was my friend. And oh, my God, of course, it's not embarrassing. It's amazing. It's the opposite, I think. Yeah. It's so strong. It's the kind of thing you don't want to have to be that strong, right? And that's the last thing you want to hear when you're like going through something, but it's the opposite of falling. It's, I just did a tap dance. You did a whole somersault and a half.

It's more impressive that you're doing this given the results and given that you're going to keep going on this journey and you're willing to do it. Yeah. It goes to the overachiever, the SATs. I'm like, oh my God, here we go again. You know, I didn't get the score I wanted on the SATs. And it's so embarrassing. It means I'm not smart. I'm walking around with this persona that I am. Now it's revealed.

Now everyone knows. It's so obvious that I'm not. And I'm gonna have to take this again. I'm gonna have to take it again and again. And I took the SATs three times. And it feels like that. You know, it's like, oh, now everyone knows I'm broken or a failure. So those are the feelings that wash over you. And I'm sure wash over everyone who's doing this. But I am able to

see it a little differently a few days out. I'm really grateful. And part of it is, I think, because we've been doing this show and we've learned so much. And I just have so much hope that it's going to help people and it's going to teach people and everything. So, you know, I get a lot of self-esteem from this show and that. And I'm grateful. Do you think that it's helped you rethink that SAT mindset of, like, you didn't get the result you wanted, but like, it's not a marker of any intrinsic or even extrinsic. You couldn't have put the needles further down or like did the shots in a better way. You crushed it, by the way, you had trays, you had the whole thing. So do you think

that it kind of forces you to question that story, that the mark is a result of your inherent value and that your inherent value really is always there regardless of the result? Yeah. I want to believe that. No, I do. Obviously, now, 19 years later, I can look back on the SATs and be like, that didn't matter. I mean, look, I did ultimately end up with a good score, but that's because I took it three times. I also think that's okay to be a person who doesn't necessarily get everything on the first try. You have to work hard for things that you want.

I have to work hard for things that I want. And those are the best people to be around. People who have to hustle. And in 19 years, when you look back on this moment, you might have that same perspective. You'll know what happens. We'll check back in in 19 years, when you look back on this moment, you might have that same perspective. You'll know what happens. We'll check back in in 19 years. But I'm grateful to you.

So grateful. Well, because even right after I found out, and I had like sort of bottled it. And then I went to Kristen's and then I had a little bit of a breakdown. And then you were there. And then we decided that the best thing to do was to get cake. And potatoes. And potatoes. And potatoes. Chocolate cake and potatoes. Highly recommend.

I didn't know if that was going to be the best thing for our bodies in the moment, but it was definitely the best thing for my mind. So we went to all time, shout out all time. And we had delicious potatoes and delicious cake. And we talked to some people there. Some people stopped us and they were like, I'm so happy you guys are doing this journey. And, you know, I'm thinking about doing it myself. It's going to be really helpful. And I was like, it's all I needed.

Yeah. I got worried when she started talking. I was like, oh God, oh God, oh God. And I was like, no, it's so amazing. It is. And I think as a woman and a mom to the world, we can all be moms to the world. And so this is like a little bit of what I've birthed. Yeah. And women seeing women really being women. Again, my mom was like, she doesn't have to talk

about it on the podcast. She shouldn't be thinking about that right now. Fuck the podcast. Like, not fuck the podcast, but like, she was just like, she should be focusing on what is helpful to her. She doesn't have to share anything. And obviously I know that that was an option for you and you're choosing to really reveal all of it. And I just feel so thankful when women do that and people in general, I think we're all living in this weird meta world where we're turning into robots and sort of anime versions of ourself. But I think that it's healing to me. It's been healing to me to do this with you. We see very sanitized stories about women and particularly very sanitized stories about our reproductive health. And that's part of the reason why we live in this weird world where we don't know anything. We

don't know anything. And people think they can take away things from us and make decisions for us. This is real. This is it. And I think it's so powerful and you're so amazing. What you did in 48 or even on honestly 24 hours, because on your birthday you were the best and charming and enchanting and having the best time of your life. What you did in 24 hours is something I know it would have just taken me so long. I don't know. It might come back next week. Who knows?

That's okay, too. But we ended the last episode saying we can do hard things. We can do hard things. And I'm going to end this one with the same sentiment because it still applies and it's still true. We can do hard things. Okay, that's that. So because of the way everything ended, we felt that it was maybe a good idea for us to chat with someone some months out and see how we're feeling after and how we are thinking back on the experience and reflecting on it.

We have a very special guest who joins us for that. So we have a bonus episode for you next week with a very special guest months later.