Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Rebel Wilson

Episode Date: April 1, 2024

Rebel Wilson (Rebel Rising, Bridesmaids, Pitch Perfect) is an actor, comedian, and author. Rebel joins the Armchair Expert to discuss why she loves fireworks, her experience writing a memoir, and how she forced herself to overcome shyness as a kid. Rebel and Dax talk about their paths to comedy, what getting malaria was like, and why she had to change how she promoted herself to get a job. Rebel explains why she decided to freeze her eggs, the juxtaposition of her character’s sexuality and her own, and her experience dealing with body shaming. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dax Randall-Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Lilly Padman. Hi there. Hello there. We have Rebel Wilson on today. Extremely funny lady. Incredibly talented lady. She is an actor, a comedian, and a producer.

She just, you know. You know her. She stood out like a motherfucker in all the pitch perfects. I know. You know, I hadn't seen all those when they came out. So I'm not a big glee or musical theater person, but now that I have children who watch TV, I have seen all three of them.

They're so good. They're outrageously good, and she's tremendous in them. She was also in Bridesmaids, The Hustle, Senior Year, How to Be Single, and she has a memoir that is out tomorrow called Rebel Rising, where we learn her whole life story, and it is an intriguing one. It is, lots of turns and twists.

Yeah, and an incredible amount of honesty from Rebel. I love getting to talk to her. Me too. And meet her, yeah. Please enjoy Rebel Wilson. This NBA season, make every three-pointer, alley-oop and buzzer beater even more exciting with FanDuel. Download the app today to see why we're North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario.

Gamling Palm, call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca Tim Tams! They're my favorite ones. They're fresh from Australia. Fresh. Freshly baked. We do a show with a guy named David Farrier. It's called Flight with Spurred. He's a Kiwi. And similarly every time he goes home and comes back, he brings Monica and I. Do you have to soundproof this building? Or no? It still works. Lots of noises. Yeah, so you don't care.

You'll hear like, it'll happen during that story, you're on a barge ride out there, you're meeting Miss Monica. Hi, I'm Rebel. So nice to meet you, thanks for coming. Oh, my pleasure. We were in here one time and the fucking bulldozer bumped into the building and we were interviewing somebody.

It was like, whoa! It was going to come down. Because what are you doing? Exactly. Great question. What are we doing? Cause I'm very into renovation. You would be in heaven over here. Okay, you want the full plate? Who brought those?

She just brought these from Australia. Yeah, fresh. Fresh Tim Tams. This is very exciting. Why don't you have one? And there's the Australian version, not like the shit version you can get in Gelsons that is like made in America.

What do you think makes it different? Because we have different chocolate because of different milk different We sheeps milk wait Dax Kiwis in different country, I know I know Bragg about the chocolate in New Zealand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Australian chocolate is better. Oh wow. And I know how much you guys hate being confused, which is why I'm kind of doing it intentionally. Yeah, yeah, that's like a local. That's like Americans versus Canadians.

Although, is it though, because when we travel abroad, if someone says, are you from Canada? We're pleasantly surprised and flattered. Because that means we're kind of polite and kind. It's a compliment to be confused as Canadian. We like call New Zealanders like sheep fuckers. Yes.

But as a joke, we love New Zealand. That we all love. It's impossible not to like. Russell Crowe is New Zealander. We claim him as Australian. There's a few people like that. Did he come early enough that he could make that? Yeah, I think for his first,

I believe he was in Rocky Horror Picture Show or something. Oh, okay. As a young Russell Crowe in Australia, and so we claimed him. Sure, that's true. And then he was in that outrageously good movie, not Romper Stopper, Romper Stopper? Yeah, yeah, that was good.

Scary. Yeah, classic. Scary. Literally my apartment was like one street over when I first moved here to America. So I don't know why I came to Los Feliz. I just knew one Australian girl who I'd been in a TV show with, and she said I could sleep on her couch

for like 100 hundred bucks a Week you picked the right spot. You kind of got lucky Yeah, it took me ten years in LA to discover this area. Well it turns out this was like a cool comedy area It is isn't it? It over indexes. Yeah But you're up by the Hollywood side. Yeah now I'm in Hollywood Hills and I have a beautiful view I look over to Hollywood Sign and Universal Studios. So you can see the fireworks from the Harry Potter castle. It's pretty sick.

Kristen similarly had a house across the 101 in Studio City that looked over Universal. Same thing, every night you could watch the fireworks. It's awesome. Every night? Well, they have a show. I think in peak times, it's 9 p.m. It's like Disneyland.

How exciting. I love fireworks. I love it's pick times at 9pm. Oh, wow. It's like Disneyland. Yeah. How exciting. They're biting this hand. I love fireworks. I love fireworks a bit too much. Like when I went to Florida and then I bought all these and took them on the private plane coming back, which I'm not sure whether you're allowed to do.

Probably not. But we hid them in garbage bags and then I set them off in West Hollywood and stuff. Sure. And then people call the cops because they thought they were gunshots, and there were these ones, you know the fireworks, and then they have little parachute men come down? No, just so fun. So I just kept sending them off. And people called the cops, and then I go,

oh, it wasn't me. I thought the neighbors were doing fireworks. I was just about to call, I'm glad you're here. Thank God, you just saved me a phone call. Well, I think the main concern here, by the way, I've done it. In fact, on my Instagram, we had a big firework debacle in the backyard on New Year's.

The big concern, I think, is fire, especially where you live. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah. I wouldn't do it in the Hollywood Hills. Okay. I'm only willing to destroy West Hollywood. Right, right. Okay, but do you get a ton of looky-loo tourists

trying to find the sign? Are you plagued by that? No, I'm in a hidden little area. Tell us your address Well, my stalker knows The address if you're listening he lives in Long Beach. Yes, and I have a restraining order What's the weirdest thing that this person has done? They think that I had a child with them 20 years ago. Okay.

Wasn't even in America at that point. And it would have been a virgin birth, I've read your book. Yeah, good point. You know, and I said to the police, I go, I would know if I was pregnant and had had his child. Sure. And he believes I had a child of his called David and that he was once my lift driver here in LA and that I confessed everything to him.

Oh boy. Completely believes that I have his son and he's now 20 years old and that I've been hiding the son this whole time. So we'll drop off presents for the son. So he is never seeing the son, he's just aware of the son. He believes I hide the son in my house. Well, anything to protect your child.

Yes. Are you caught between abject fear and mild compassion? Well, yeah, because the person must really believe it's true. Yeah. Because he would write 20-page handwritten letters explaining his love for his son and how he met me at some VIP after party. I wasn't even famous then. The police say at least he doesn't have a violent history, which is apparently a good

thing. Until you do. Yeah. I mean, sorry to say that. I just want you to stay careful. They will say that the legal system worked and he hasn't been around since the restraint. Oh good. So that's good.

Does he live with his parents? I don't know. You don't know. You've never found him in your house with your underwear on or anything? No, he never went inside the house. Oh thank God. Just on the property.

Ew. Ew. Such a violent relationship. I know, just on the property. Ew. Ew. Such a viral relationship. I know, it's creepy. I'm caught between trying to make jokes about it and also very scared for you. Have you guys had stalkers? Kristen had a half one.

Remember those squirrels? That's some bizarre people from other countries. Do you have any like frozen fans? They're too tiny. Oh yeah, okay. Just pushed them out of the way. They're all four year olds. They are obsessed, but that's what they're supposed to be.

And they think she's a princess. They're very delusional. They are obsessed, but that's what they're supposed to be. And they think she's a princess. They're very delusional. Yeah. She kinda is though. Yeah. That's true. But I did have a woman, I was right at the corner here of Western Hollywood

and there's a little plaza there with the Ralphs and there's a very inexpensive, very high salt Chinese restaurant there. I was in there eating with three friends, a woman walked by a few times, she kept looking at me. I don't know what to chalk that up to, as you would know. You never know what's going on. Eventually, she stormed in the restaurant and she said,

it's so obvious he's yours. He looks just like you. Same thing. She was convinced that I had had a child with her. And then we come to find out she lived in the halfway house across the street and she had just gotten out of prison. Classic. With a textbook.

Also more likely that you did impregnate her. She was not unattractive. That was another confusing part. Yeah, because you have a stupid stereotype in your mind of a crazy woman who thinks she's had kids with people and it's unflattering. Don't rule anyone out. Pretty people can be crazy.

Brad Pitt could be nuts. No, he's so nice. He's so nice, yeah, he's nice. He's great. I like to ask this question of everyone who's written a book who comes, because I do think, not to bore the audience who's already heard the spiel many times,

but truthfully, I know personally, writing something in my room is one experience. Having a journal is one experience. Even publishing it, there's control, but then something can get dicey about them talking about it. Does it feel that way? Yeah, I wonder whether you can sense my like embarrassment, yeah, or nervousness about it,

because this was something that I just did by myself in various locations, but I kind of have a bit of like a reading disorder, so I have to write in quiet. And so it's literally just this thing I did on and off for two years, completely by myself and all my most personal intimate things. Yeah. And then even just giving it to the editor for the first time was like oh jeez. Yeah someone's gonna read all this. They're gonna think I'm mental

and then now why I'm fearful because nobody has read it because it's been embargoed apart from you guys got it. I love it it's such a shitty copy too. It's like you turned in a term paper. It's a paper. No, but it looks like a limited edition. I just did that at home up in the... And so my family doesn't know what's in it. And there's some things that I've not told anybody ever until the book comes out. I know mentally it's going to come out, but it is a bit nerve wracking.

But then also when I got the opportunity to write it, I was like, well, I may as well just go for it and say everything. If you're going to do it. I'm not going to do it half-heartedly. But I had a good friend and she had written this really powerful piece. It was roughly around me too moment and it was vaguely about her mother and her judgmental. She had been the mother, but then recognizing how much older the dad was and that really the mom was a victim of this and that.

And it was so beautifully written and we're really best friends. And when we went to talk about it on here, I could sense, oh, she's happy to write it and to have total control of how it comes out in structure, but she doesn't want to talk about it here, which was fine. I totally respected that. But I think some of that anxiety can be simply that.

Like you can say it exactly how you'd like to say it in the book. And then weirdly coming and then talking about it verbally feels like it's dishonoring your story in some way or exploiting your story. Do any of those feelings? You guys are my very first interview. Oh, okay. So we're going to set the tone. We'll see.

We'll see. If I feel like. I hope you don't. Yeah, I hope I don't. I'm just more worried. My mum, for example, hates, if I say anything bad, ever, about my childhood. Sure.

I'll say like, well, we did have McDonald's three times a week. And she goes, no, don't say that. You went to Sizzler for all you could eat shrimp. I love that. But by the way, that's not, mom, that's awesome. That makes me relate. Or people go from high school or whatever.

Oh, I didn't remember it that way. Those kind of things. How much did you wrestle with that? Cause I'm writing something right now too. And I'm like, I didn't remember it that way. Those kind of things. How much did you wrestle with that? Because I'm writing something right now too. And I'm like, I can acknowledge this is my version. My brother has a completely different version. And his is legit too. I don't know what to say about that.

Well, one thing with my sister, Liberty, I had to check in and go, is this what you remember? Because she is a little bit younger than me. And she goes, yeah, I don't think it didn't happen. And some people do have slightly different version, especially things a long time ago. Yeah, Monica and I were talking yesterday and she was like, what was your favorite teacher?

And I said, Mrs. Giglio. And I was in kindergarten. She invited me over for spaghetti. And she's like, she did? And I'm like, yeah, that sounds really weird, doesn't it? But I don't know what to say. I think that's what happened. Are you sure you didn't make it up?

And it's like, no, we're not sure. I don't know. Well, my mom was a school teacher, and then she, back in the day, took the kids swimming on weekends, and they sometimes didn't have swimsuits or whatever, and would just jump in the harbor. And I go, how is that?

That wouldn't obviously be allowed now. Yeah, some of this stuff just genuinely would never fucking happen, which almost makes you go like, well, could it have happened? But then you're like, no, this stuff is happening all the time. But even then if it was a male teacher,

that would be bad. Isn't that interesting? Yeah, it would be. If a male teacher invited you over for spaghetti, it'd be like, no. You're right. That's a bummer too. It is kind of a bummer.

It's all a bummer, but look, I have kids and I'm not having male babysitters in their teens. That's a bummer. I'm playing a part, but I'm not willing to roll the dice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what to say. Yeah. But you were from Sydney.

Yes. You were a little baby in Sydney. Yeah. And your mom and dad were dog groomers, breeders, showers. So more, I would say dog showers then, and then we had a family business selling pet products at the dog shows. So basically if you've seen that movie, Best in Show,

that was my life. When I watched that, that wasn't comedy to me. That was like, oh yeah, that's what happens at dog shows. Jennifer Coolidge and everyone in that film, Eugene Levy, that was my life. Just the Australian version of that. But people that were obsessed with their dogs. And so we'd go in this yellow caravan

and we'd drive all around the country to different dog shows each weekend. And we'd sell little dog products. And you were selling lollies? That was my first business. I was an entrepreneur, I had my own little lolly shop. Although the first before that, I would collect up the soda cans from the dog show

and recycle them for money, for the aluminium cans. Was there a deposit there that was refunded? That's how it was in Michigan. Other places just paid you for the bulk aluminium. You'd squash them all down with your little foot and then put them all in these bags. And yeah, they'd weigh them on a big like fish hook and you get paid per weight.

You know, you might get $5 if it was a really heavy, heavy bag for the aluminium. The lolly shop grew to such a size that the organisers were like, no, no, you're gonna have to rent space. Yeah, I mean, the adults, like the guy with like the toasted sandwich van and the pancake man, they were just like, this girl's taking our profits.

They basically banned me from having the lolly shop at the dog show because I wasn't paying rent like the adults were. You didn't need rent, your lollies were so small. You were trading on your young cuteness. And then you got busted, let's own it. They were like, real cute, you're making more than us. They hated it, yeah.

You taught me a really great word. I identify as white trash, people don't like when I say that, but I love it, I'm total white trash, but bogan. Okay, yeah, I thought you were gonna say bogan. Yeah, so bogan's an Australian word. It essentially means white trash, the lower socioeconomic group in Australia. The working class.

Yeah. But who are also proud of being bogans as well. Like hillbilly. Yeah, say they're trailer trash and they love it. Similar kind of thing. Proud of our upbringings in the rough part of Sydney, which isn't rough compared to other rough parts in the world. We'll step back.

Put an asterisk next to rough. Yeah. Australia's not exactly that rough, but this was the rougher areas. And you have a sister and a brother. Two sisters and a brother. Two sisters and a brother. Yeah, and the eldest of four. And what kind of girl were you?

Growing up, I was really shy, bordering on some kind of social disorder. Wouldn't really talk to anybody. And then I think I was around 14, I read this article that said, whatever you are at 15 is basically your personality for life.

Oh, shit. And I was like, you're spinning in the school library going, oh, I don't think I want to be this girl that's like too shy to even answer a question in class. I don't want to be that for the rest of my life. Like I hated being that. And the good thing about being shy is you can observe everybody. So you get real good at watching people and stuff. Not in a creepy way. No, but yeah, reading people.

Yeah, and then I thought, well, I don't want to be shy and have no friends. And so I went on this mission. I found this gym bag in my dad's car that had all these cassette tapes. And I was like, what is this? And they were all motivational self-help tapes. I know you have a complicated relationship with dad, as did I. But it's hard not to think that's sweet at this point. I know, because he was relationship with dad, as did I, but it's hard not to think that's sweet at this point, right?

I know, because he was obviously trying to improve his life. So I just took the cassettes, never said anything, and he never said anything either. And I just listened to them all. And one was like how to win friends and influence people, that classic Dale. Dale Carnegie. Yeah. And then I started trying to implement the things. What are the tips?

Like you say people's names a lot and shit? The one I remember in that one, Dax, was to try to talk to five new people every day. And I went to an all girls school. So I just on the bus would try to speak to somebody different. It was horrible the first few weeks, embarrassing and just weird. But then you realise there's other people out there who also don't have connection or don't have friends.

And really that might've been the highlight of their day that someone came up to them and spoke to them because they might've been feeling as lonely and isolated as I was. That's the hiccup in our thinking is we feel ostracized and alone, but we assume everyone else is having a great time and we're wrong.

Yeah, and then I kind of changed my status from being the least popular girl at the school to being like the most popular. Wow. And how did debate file into that? As part of that, I had to push myself to do like public speaking and debating because that to me was like my nightmare.

So I just pushed myself and the first times I didn't, like I just go all red in the face. It must have been disastrous. Luckily no one has any recordings of it. Although I do have a recording of one 12th grade debate that I did and everyone was just laughing hysterically because I would throw in jokes. I'd get so confident about it.

But at first it would just be horrible. It would be like walking on nails. It would be an awful, awful experience. But I just kept pushing myself to do it. And then eventually got good. Push themselves to do something so uncomfortable. I'm amazed that you as a kid could do that. I was like, I don't want to be like a loser nobody

who's so shy and can't express herself. And then part of that time before I kind of transitioned to being a more expressive person, my mom dragged me to these acting classes at the local community centre. Why do you suppose she did that? Just to help you get out of your shell? Yeah, but she did it in a real tough love kind of way.

She didn't tell me I was going. I go, why are we stopping here? She's like, get out of the car. And I wouldn't because then I saw like our community centre. I'm like, what is this? And then she literally physically dragged me with all her might and I'm holding on to the car door for dear life going, I'm not going in, I'm not going in.

And then she shoves me in and says, I'll pick you up at five and leaves me there. And then I'm in tears. Good for her by the way. This is terrible parenting nowadays, but good for her. I know, but if she hadn't done it, I maybe would have been a recluse. You'd be picking your butt at Sizzler right now.

Maybe. I wouldn't have had the life that I had. So I do thank her obviously, but I have my career now. How quickly did it get its hooks in you? How quickly did you realize, oh, I do like this? It definitely took six months. I write in the book, I was so traumatized by having to talk in front of people,

and especially other kids who, some of them were extroverted, that I spoke in this weird kind of American accent. You made a character. For like six months, yeah, because I couldn't. It was so hard to just be you. Yeah, no, it was really, really traumatizing. And then when you see those movies like split

and the people talk in a different voice, it was almost like that because it was so traumatic. And I was like, hi there. I had put on a character because I was that painfully shy. There has to be something innate about this impulse because I've talked about this on here like my daughter's one time in particular I took her on a publicity tour and she was young She was probably too young to be on this tour with me, but I was like, this will be a great experience She was three or four and when we get in situations where she's getting way too much attention because of me

She'd start talking in a baby voice. I thought it reflected poorly on me as a parent. And for like the first day I was telling her like, talking in your real voice. And then all of a sudden I was like, oh no, that's my embarrassment. She's fine. This is how she's dealing with it. It feels innate and my other daughter does it too.

Because I don't know why I did it. That was just my only way of coping with the traumatic situation of being thrown in a classroom of kids and having to play theater sports. It's like a lizard changing the color of their skin. I don't know, it's very interesting. Although in your case you stuck out more. Yeah, and then they're like, oh, how long have you been in Australia? And I had to quickly create a backstory. But it took about six months and then I kind of started

enjoying it and enjoying doing the little scenes in the acting class and getting sort of more confident and the great thing about the creative arts is that there's all these studies that shows it really helps young people's self-esteem and self-confidence. Even if you're not going to be an actor or anything, it can really help you be able to express yourself. And in my case, I was just somebody, if you looked at me, you just wouldn't be able to feel anything or see anything

because I would never show anything. You were trying to be invisible. Yeah, basically. I don't feel like that got chased down so much in the book, with this desire to be invisible. So that was when I was unpopular. The worst thing is to be unpopular and very visible because then you get the one that gets bullied.

So I was the unpopular one nobody knew. I knew the girl that had all the dandruff and was just getting bullied. Or the girl that she had this sanitary pad at the swimming carnival and jumped in the swimming pool and the sanitary pad floated up to the surface and then everyone just made fun of her. And so I just knew I didn't want to be bullied because what's worse than being unpopular is being unpopular and bullied. So I would just make sure nobody knew me.

That's so fucking brutal. A lot of women who've been sexually abused when they were young, they aim to make themselves invisible. That's a product of that trauma. So sad that you'd want to go through life disappearing. Yeah, it was more not to be bullied because I was just conscious of not sticking out. And then I'd always come home and then my mom's like, so you know, you've got any friends? Would you lie to her? I just kind of avoid it. I could tell her concern.

And I think part of why she wanted to push me into those acting classes is because if I got a bit more confident, I could have friends and invite them to birthday parties. That's the other thing for getting confident about being on a stage. It's the same as joining a sports team. You are inextricably dependent on one another

for the thing to work. You're forced to value one another and see one another, and it does plop you in a community. And one of the strategies of becoming popular that I definitely did was join all the sports teams. You did? Field hockey we had at my school. That's big, right?

Yeah, it's big in those kind of girls' schools in Australia. And we'd play cricket, very British, softball, tennis, which we'd have teams, even though tennis is more individual, basketball. And were you good at these things? Yeah, I was good at tennis. My uncle was very good at tennis and is a tennis coach. And you got tennis lessons. This is one of the things you thanked your father for.

Oh yeah, yeah. So I thought maybe I could become a professional tennis player and I would carry these bricks in my school bags to try to build up my shoulders. Which I think maybe is why I have big shoulders today. But I was never going to be tall enough and my mum said, you know, you're never going to make it as a tennis player. Go back to your acting class. Is it fair to say that you had developed a really rich fantasy life because you were

invisible? Yes, because I didn't really have friends in elementary school, I'd talk to my little toys and stuff and they'd be my friends. So I must have had this really great active imagination. Then later in life, because I had no real love life, I think I had a real imagination in my mind with that stuff as well. I can relate. The irony, we're going to get to the best chapter.

Monica's going to be like so dialed in. The irony that you have and had played so many characters that were overtly sexual. Yeah. Drawing from what? Other than this fantastical imagination. Yeah. Movies, all the things. You just pick up on it in pop culture.

But you didn't just pick up on it, you kind of mastered it. Anyone from the outside would think you were the thing you were playing so often. Yeah, I know. And then a lot of people thought I wasn't a great actress, I was just being myself. And then I was like, if only they knew. Ha ha ha ha ha.

That I'd like kiss more people on screen than I had in real life. I read that and I was like, whoa. Did you feel fraudulent ever? Or were you just like, no, I'm acting? No, it's just because to me it's acting, but then it would make me laugh. Often also people think I'm a partier

because of some of the characters I played. I'm like the opposite. And then I go, well, that's cause of my good acting. Right. James Franco had to admit on Stern that he doesn't smoke pot. And people are like, what are you talking about? It's like you and Snoop and Seth Rogen.

This can't be true. Yeah, it's crazy. So I just took it as a compliment to my acting. So you go to this all girls school and it's a very, very good school. And it's important to your dad, I guess to sum him up briefly would be he's very, very controlling. He's got some rage issues. He was never diagnosed psychologically what he had, but yeah, definitely inability to express emotions properly.

Without screaming and threatening. Yeah. But he had gone to the brother school of this school and was very proud of that. Yeah, and that school was called King's. It's very fancy. They wear all military uniforms and have all these amazing facilities, including a multi-million dollar theatre, which I got the benefit of performing in. His wish for his children was that we all got to go

to these good private schools and that he would, no matter what, find out a way to pay for them. Because his own personal dream that had been cut short and or altered by the death of his father, the thing he was trying to heal in himself, was that right? He felt like he should have maintained this trajectory, didn't he? Yeah. So his father, my grandfather, it's a bit of a family mystery, was apparently murdered

when he was in his final year of high school. And so that changed his trajectory of his life and might have caused his issues. And so yeah, I think he never got to fulfill what he wanted to do. So it was imperative that you did? Because he had to work so hard, like had to sell a lot of dog products to like afford this school. One point my dad was working nights in the gas station and doing all sorts of things to get the money, because not just the school fees,

but the uniforms and all the textbooks and everything was really expensive. But then he put a lot of pressure on me, especially being the oldest, that I then had to deliver. And then weirdly I didn't work this out till later, but he did love comedy. You and I aren't as similar,

but what year did your dad die? 10 years ago now. 2014. Yeah. So my dad died in 2012. He's the villain in my story all growing up. My mother's a saint. And as he's been dead for years,

I've been thawing and recognizing like, oh yeah, he had actually a ton of really sweet qualities. And yeah, I was unwilling to grant him any ownership over my success. I felt like that too, because I was almost estranged from my father for a long time, since Mum kicked him out of the house when I was 16. And then really didn't have much at all, apart from this obligatory birthdays and Christmas, where you go and be like, oh yeah, hi.

Hi, I resent you. Let's celebrate this holiday together. Here's a present and I'll take your present and we'll pretend to talk for a few minutes and it'll be real awkward. And then he's the villain who I hated. Part of writing this book, you do realize that people are complicated and you see other sides of them and they're good things

that I couldn't remember. Some of my younger sisters and brother don't remember some of the good things. Yeah. But there were some good things and part of it was that my dad was hell-bent that I gave an amazing education and then that set me up to have whatever career I wanted to. I almost think you're destined to have issues with the one you're most like. So when I really account for his life objectively I'm like, oh the greatest gift I have in life is that I have a lot of friendships

and I'm so spoiled in that way. And my dad had a fucking kabillion friends. And I'm like, oh, okay, I guess that's true. Like that's clearly him. And then boy, you just start looking more and more, not in your case, but for me, look more and more every day in the mirror and you're like, oh, geez, this is fucking him.

Sometimes some of the dark things from my dad I put into jokes, you're like, oh, Jesus, this is fucking him. Sometimes some of the dark things from my dad I put into jokes. You're like, oh, well, that's really where I get it from. Which makes me a bit edgier sometimes. I don't know whether you know any performers that they've had like this amazing sweet childhood and then sometimes their work comes out a bit vanilla because they haven't had any. Yes, I have a very specific memory of seeing someone's one-man show. They tell this beautiful story of being so supported by their father. And I went, you know, this is why I'm not that into your comedy.

Yeah. You've had a really nice childhood and I can't relate. Yeah. Now, do you think the school being all girls was a blessing? 100%. Because I think, I don't know if you could have amounted this personality reversal, if we add boys to the mix. It would have been hard. It would have been even harder. I don't know if you could have mounted this personality reversal if we add boys to the mix.

It would have been hard. It would have been even harder. And my cousins who went to mixed schools, they ended up getting pregnant like 15, 16. And then that made their life go in a different trajectory. Weirdly, being in an all-girls school, we were very protected. Like we had bars on the window to not go over to the boys' school next door. Which we are only allowed to go to the boys boys school if you were in the theatre productions. And that's where all the carnage happened. Did you have crush on boys and fantasies?

Yeah, and I did have a little boyfriend who was the stage manager, you know, of the place in the tech crew. But I think we only kissed once in this very short lived thing. When I went on a family holiday to Disneyland, which was my parents last ditch attempt to see whether their relationship would work. During that time, this boy cheated on me by kissing another girl. And then I said, that's it. I got it. Yeah. That's enough for me. I'm focusing on my studies. Okay. So you take a gap year out of high school. Yeah. So I did the most unusual thing after high school. I did really well at high school and got into the top law school.

You were number two in food science? What the fuck? Food technology. I read that in my mind. What does that mean? That was a bit of a scam. That counts as a science, like chemistry and biology. Wow.

There's food technology. It's basically home economics, but a bit more scientific. But I literally did that, just scam the system and get 100. Smart. It worked. You were number two in the state. Yeah. And so I did really well. Could have 100. Smart. It worked. You were number two in the state. Yeah. And so I did really well.

Could have gone into any law or medicine. And then weirdly, I was this witness in a major crime squad investigation. And from that, this guy had said to me, you should apply for this Rotary Youth Ambassador Program. You get to be a youth ambassador for Australia, and you get sent to a country. You've got to live there and spread goodwill.

It's like missionary work without the church. Yeah, because there was a bit of charity. So I got selected for the program and got sent to South Africa. And some of the charitable things was we built a rape crisis center. But mainly it's a bit like a cultural exchange and you give speeches about Australia and you go, and then you also get to tour all around Southern Africa. And you were not given malaria pills

or were you given them and didn't take them? Because Monica and I just went to India and all we did is fret over whether we were going to take these things or not. So, some people go, if you take them, if you're prone to some kind of mental illness or whatever, you might make you crazy or... And I was like, oh, no. Mallory Lore.

And then I was in and out of malaria zones all the time. So I think at first I did take some tablets that I had. And then by this point in the year... Like I feel crazy. Yeah, I was like, oh, I'm in and out of malarial zones every weekend. So I just wasn't taking them. But it turns out the strain that I got was resistant. Wait, you got it?

Yeah. Oh, my God. What a great reaction. Yeah, Monica. So this is... That was a pop-up for a moment. This is what a great reaction. Yeah, Monica. So this is what happens. Wow. Because another girl got it with me and she had been taking the Malarial tablets.

So you feel vindicated. Yeah. Even if I had taken the tablets. One more rubber one didn't. Yeah. I got malaria from rural Mozambique and I know the day I got it. I know the day I got it. I know the mosquitoes exactly. Because it was too late and then we had to just set up camp under the truck

and they go, oh don't go wandering off because there's landmines in this area. So I remember exactly, I slept on the road under the truck and the one side of my face was all mosquito bites when I woke up. Ah. So we were too tired to set up the tents. And then two weeks later I was in this aerobics class in South Africa. That's how long it takes. Yeah, it takes about two weeks.

Well, you, because you stopped taking them. Oh. He stopped. And I didn't even know any lore about going crazy. Oh yeah, and it's really bad. Stay tuned for more of Firefighter Expert, if you dare. ["I'm Tired"] So explain the onset of it. How long do you think like, oh, I'm just tired.

So I was in this aerobic class doing the grapevine, and suddenly I'm like, I don't feel so good. And then a few hours later, nighttime, I'm just mo I don't feel so good. And then cut a few hours later, night time, I'm just moaning, lying in bed, and it kind of felt like I was in my body, but I felt like I was a meter away. It's not like a cold or flu. You can't describe, like it's not anything like that.

It's unique unto itself. And then I was just going, ah, ah, ah, ah. And then eventually the host mother took me to the hospital the next morning. And then I remember them giving me some kind of morphine type drug to make it all stop. And they started treating me and I lost my hearing because the drugs were so powerful that they needed to pump me with. It was a real bad strain.

Some strains I guess are not as bad and then some can kill you. Did they call mom and say like come now? They did only a few days later because this was before really cell phones existed, but I didn't have one. Everyone's playing this game like do we scare the parent? They're all the way in Australia. Let's see how this goes for a few more hours. Like everyone's probably trying to make some cost-benefit analysis. And they eventually call my mom and she was at a point in her life where she didn't have the money to fly over. So even if she'd wanted to and she had three kids with her at home, she couldn't have come over.

Fucking Rotary Club. Yeah, dilemma. Goddamn Rotary Club. They're out there saying they're good. How long? I was in hospital for two weeks. But during that time, I have this hallucination. And the hallucination was that I was an actress and that I win an Academy Award.

What? And it was so real. I've probably seen the Oscars maybe a couple of times on TV, but it was so real. I come out of the hospital and I say to everyone, I'm going to be an actress now and I'm going to be really good. And everyone's like, uh, we think the malaria has demented you and you are actually insane now. I'm like, no, no, no, I saw her.

I was wearing a dress and I went up there and I won. I gave an acceptance rap speech. I was very into rap back in the day. And then everyone just thought I was a a dress and I went up there and I won. I gave an acceptance rap speech. I was very into rap back in the day. And then everyone just thought I was a lunatic. They thought, no, no, no, you're gonna be a lawyer. Go and do that, that's the path for you. And I go, no, but I saw it. I literally lived it.

Here's a girl who almost died a couple hours ago. Yeah, and I'm telling you, I saw it happen. I had to stop telling people basically because they thought I was mentally insane. But when I came back to Australia, I did law school during the day and then acting at night. And then eventually it did happen a few years later and got on TV.

Yeah, you have this mix of like, you were working a bunch in Australia, but then also you moved to New York in 2003. Because I got a scholarship from Nicole Kidman to help my acting by doing extra training somewhere in the world. So I chose New York to come to Second City Comedy School because we don't have any comedy schools in Australia.

Even though Second City is bigger in Chicago, I wanted to go to New York because I love theater as well. So I wanted to go to Broadway. So I kind of combined the two. You wanted your cake and eat it too. Yeah, I wanted to see Broadway shows really. So I was like, thanks Nicole for paying for it. So she just has like a scholarship fund?

Yeah, she had at the time. I was the 16th person to win it and I got to go to New York, but only for three months. Well, that's pretty great. And it was over winter, but I was so anxious to go. Did you love Second City? Yeah, I was looking back at my diaries over that time and Jack McBrayer was my teacher. He won! In one of the classes.

Sweet Jack McBrayer. Yeah, then ended up singing on 30 Rock. So it was cool because I learnt a lot of stuff. And then when I got back, I got cast in a sketch comedy show in Australia called The Wedge. And I wrote and performed my own characters, which is not as good as like a Saturday Night Live or anything, limited budgets in Australia. But it's kind of a similar type of thing.

And that time at Second City, that international experience really helped. Also, you were on Pizza. My first breakout role was this show called Fat Pizza which was also a movie which is a bit confusing. I was in both and basically I played this Greek gang girl and I dyed my hair black. I did numtrucks and kind of crazy shit, bashed people up and real popular in Australia but very stereotypical. A lot of race humor, a lot of things that wouldn't be appropriate

now. Wouldn't fly. Yeah. One of the guys, if he has an argument with someone and he goes and gets a chainsaw and chops them up, a lot of grotesque stuff, but it used to be so popular. And then I was the first female cast member to become a regular and people thought I was this Greek girl for years and that they just plucked me out of a gang. Oh wow. Yeah. And that I was this girl. And then if they'd known I'd been to like a private Christian or

girls school. Yeah and they had the Nicole Kidman scholarship. Yeah they didn't know that. It's lawyer. Yeah I know. Wintered in New York. They'd literally like oh what train station did you find this girl at? They thought I was the real deal.

I imagine I would have gotten comfortable there. You're working, you're supporting yourself. Why ever leave that? Do you know Josh Lawson by any chance? Yes. So Josh is one of the people that gave me advice. Get the fuck out. To America. Oh, okay. We love Josh.

So I'd only known two people who had gone to America and booked a job and Josh was one of them. So we went out to lunch in Melbourne and I was like, oh, thinking of going over and trying my luck. And I'd had my own comedy show, which I'd written and produced as well. And so I was getting a bit of attention and I got a meeting with WME, the agency. So I was like, okay, I'm going to go over. What's your advice, Josh? Okay. So culturally, Australians have this thing where you don't big up yourself. You're kind of like, oh yeah, I'm not that good. So he goes, in America, you have to do the opposite. You have to go and you say, I am the biggest comedy star ever.

I am the female Jonah Hill. I am gonna crush it. I am worth millions and millions of dollars. The complete opposite of any Australian. This sounds like risky advice. No, I think that's really risky. He stared me in my eyes and said, you have to sell yourself.

Do not do the Australian thing. Matt Lucas, who's my friend who's British, said one time on a red carpet. From Little Britain. Yeah, one time on a red carpet, someone goes, congratulations on the movie. And he did the classic British thing, goes, oh, well, I'm not in it that much.

And then the interviewer just turns around and moves to the next person. Because culturally, we're a little bit different to Americans in that way. And he goes, no, if you come to America, you want a job? Just fucking sell yourself hard. So I came over, came here one block away. And then luckily WME accepted me

and they set me up on that little water bottle tour where you go all around. Do generals. Yeah, do all your general meetings at all the studios. So let's talk about that for half a second because this is probably so ill-suited for most people and artists in particular, but for me, my day I was a car salesman,

I probably would have sold cars had I not left Michigan. This is my favorite part of the job, a blind date with an executive. Did you hate them or love them? It is like dating and you go there and you've literally got about 30 minutes to like excite them, entertain them, intrigue them, make them potentially want to hire you and see you again.

But luckily I had pretty interesting stories in my life. And you're already interesting because you're novel and you're Australian. Yeah. And I was a big girl, I don't know, about 220 pounds. There really wasn't many at that time. And that I think is the reason WME signed me. And then I came and then I was different because I... Well, hold on. Let's take one second for that. Yeah.

It actually is an enormous part of the story as you end up at a fertility clinic. Yeah. So right out of the gates, you do connect the fact that I am occupying a niche that is going to be beneficial. Yes. I forget whether it was Josh or the other person I asked for advice. They said, don't come to America and say

you can do everything, because then you'll get nothing. You've got to specifically pigeonhole yourself. Oh, that's interesting. And that pigeonhole was the female Jonah Hill, because Jonah Hill had been in some of Judd Apitow's movies, and it was really popular. So they go, you've got to sell yourself

in a very small pigeonhole. And that's what I chose. Even though I'd done some Shakespeare and things in Australia, no, no, no, forget about that. Just do the one avenue. It did work though, it was successful. Yeah, clearly, worse chatting than you own a nice house. I think a nice car.

Yeah, a G-Wagon. Yeah, still got it. In Australia, your work on The Wedge and Pizza, were you also being the female Joan Hill there? No, I was doing mainly comedies at that point on television. The stage, I'd done all sorts of things. And I'd been on like 13 different TV shows culminating in where I had my own show in Australia. It was different because I'd done all sorts of things. And I'd been on like 13 different TV shows, culminating in where I had my own show in

Australia. It was different because I'd written it and also produced it as well and done the legal contracts. How'd she do her own DVD distribution deal? I'm like, well, yeah, law degree as well. And then I think they found that combination interesting as well. And then Bridesmaids happens pretty quick. Yeah.

One of those general meetings was with Alison Jones, casting director. Yes, she's lovely. Yeah. And then she remembered me and then brought me in for Bridesmaids. And they were always going to give it to Melissa McCarthy because she's excellent. And I think they were friends with her from Groundlings. But they needed another choice to bring into the studio to go, oh, you know, look how great Melissa is.

Right, yeah, yeah. This is the best of the rest. This girl from Australia. But Melissa's going to get the job. I was around for that. Kristen was having a very uphill battle getting her in the movie to be funny. Yeah, they wanted her, though. The writers, for sure.

And that was right, because she was incredible. But then maybe the studio wasn't sure. Then I come in and it's Kristen Wiig sitting on a stool behind the camera, Jada Vettel, Paul Figg and Alison. And they're like, okay, you're at a wedding and just gonna improvise with Kristen. And I'm like, oh, holy shit. She was like the big star from Saturday Night Live.

When I was in New York in 2003, I'd lined up to try to go to Saturday Night Live in the cold when you stand there for midnight and try to get standby tickets. And I didn't get in, you know, it was like 50 people. Monica, your guys' story is very similar. Yeah. Monica did a lot of lining up.

Yeah, I like went in the middle of the night and stood there. Anyway, so I was like, oh, Kristen, we gotta go, but now's my chance. And then all that experience from Australia, doing improv, doing standup comedy, doing a lot of acting. I was like, I just gonna go for it. Out of all those auditions, I was like, well, this movie is going to be great. I knew it must have gone well because it went for an

hour. And then by one point we're improvising doing cocaine through our belly buttons, you know, and Kristen. I don't know how it got to that, but we're just like going crazy. And she was the warmest, nicest performer to act with. And then I left going, maybe I have a chance at this. Cause that role, that was good. That was such a good role. You could tell from the script and she ended up getting nominated, I think,

from Alaska for that. And then I get a call two days later going, I've got the role and I'm going crazy. And they go, no, it's not the role you went for. They're gonna add you in to the movie and you're gonna play Matt Lucas's sister, who had already been cast as her roommate. You look a bit like him.

They wrote you a part. So for a second, I thought I had got the role. And so then I was obviously a bit disappointed because, oh, what is this new other role? And then they go, you've just been cast in a Jada Patel, Paul Feig movie, aren't you happy? And I went, yeah. You had this expectation.

Yeah, that I'd got the role I auditioned for. But you were smart enough, or the people around you were smart enough to go still be a part of this. Oh, yeah, and I knew it was gonna be a very successful movie. I went and filmed only a week on it. It's such an accelerant, too.

Now, when you audition for things, you're in Bridesmaids. Yeah. Everyone in town wants the next Bridesmaids. Just to be associated with it is this enormous propulsion forward, right? It was a gift. And then I talk about, I got paid $3,500. And that $3,500 I had to give to join SAG, the union. Right, right.

So I really made nothing and paid for myself to go to the premiere. So I really lost, like, at least $10,000. But it was the world's best gift. And I had to wait till the movie came out and then I only had four little scenes and I was like, is that enough? And then I remember Jonah Hill had one scene. In 40 Year Old. Yeah, 40 Year Old Virgin. And I was like, oh, okay, then he got jobs.

And I was like, I have four scenes, that's four chances to get noticed. And then bang, as soon as Bridesmaids came out I think I booked six movies or something one of which was Pitch Perfect. Yes. Right off the back of it but I had to wait until the movie came out so that was a very hard year here in Los Feliz with no money. Yes. Oh similarly I have been out here for almost ten years auditioning Getting Nothing I got punked I did the pilot I knew it was special and then the show got sued and the show is in court for a year and I I was out here for almost 10 years auditioning, getting nothing, I got punked. I did the pilot, I knew it was special, and then the show got sued.

And then the show was in court for a year, and I was just like, oh my God, I almost got there. Why won't this come out? Yeah, that tagging me. Did you like doing punked? No, it's not my style of comedy, but I would have sucked dicks on TV at that point for any amount of money.

There was nothing I wouldn't have done on TV. Because I did a show like that in Australia called Monster House. So one was called Deja Vu, one of the setups. And we'd lure people into the house and they didn't know that there were cameras in the walls. It looked like a normal house, but it was rigged up like a big brother house. And then lured like a mortgage broker in.

And then we'd do this scenario where I'd play the girl in the family and I'd come down and ask for the keys and then I'd exit. And then five minutes later, I'd do the exact same thing, the exact same movement. And the person's just sitting there, you know, we'd freak them out. Yeah, they'd have deja vu. Other scenarios were different where we'd suddenly say the house has been quarantined for some infectious disease and they'd have to take their clothes off. Oh, geez. There were all these things. But I hated doing it because it was lying to real people.

They felt mean. Whereas acting is different, everyone's in on it. That's why I asked you about punk because I felt awful doing it to real people. Well it was lessened for me because everyone I was involved with fooling was very high status compared to me. So I didn't have any of the guilt of your average Joe. I was like, I don't feel too bad for Justin Timberlake. I'm at his mansion and he has all these cars I want.

So just my own story, but I'm not a prankster by nature. It's not what I would have come up with, but I'm so grateful for it. And I'm proud of how it turned out. So let's just fast forward because you end up doing three pitch perfects. They're fucking enormous. They're the biggest musical comedies of all time.

You do How to Be Single, which made a fortune. You do Guys and Dolls on the West End. Isn't it Romantic? The Hustle, Senior Year. You end up making, and this is from your book, I Didn't Look You Up and Out You, 20 million bucks in one year. Wow, congratulations.

Oh, thank you. That was the year I did Pitch Perfect 3, produced and acted in Isn't It Romantic and The Hustle. That was my biggest. I'm also glad you put that in your book, because I feel like we're taught, especially women, but everyone, be humble and don't say that

and act like you don't have as much as you have or you're not worth what you're worth. And it's awesome to be like, yeah, I did that. I think also additionally, it's really important because, and this is a never-ending thread of this whole show, is that you hit these markers where your certain life will be fantastic, and it is important to know that the actual marker was hit.

I grew up hearing that Will Ferrell got 20 million movie, and Vince Vaughn got 20, this is like a very significant thing in our business. So when you hit this number, we have arrived at the place where you're supposed to feel fantastic about yourself and be in a state of elation at all times. And then weirdly, I think you start questioning exactly what we're doing. Yeah, because coming from not having that much money, you think, oh, God, if I could, I remember Jim Carrey telling a story about he got some huge paycheck.

He had written himself a check. Yeah, that story. And then I was like, God, if I had made $10 million a month, like that's insane. My life is awesome. And then I got to the end of that year and basically just wanted to collapse and wasn't happy. I mean, was proud of earning the money and doing those awesome movies.

And you like your house and you like your car. Yeah. And I like not having to worry when you go to the grocery store, like what the total is going to be. Cause when I was in Los Feliz, I had a budget of $60 a week for my groceries and I couldn't go over that because then I'd have to leave America if I didn't have enough money. And so comes with some awesome things. But then I start going, Oh, well, I've done that. I've been in big movies. My goal when I came to America was just to get in one Hollywood movie because then I thought people would respect me in Australia. You could have returned home as succeeding. Yeah, I could have come home. You keep moving the goalpost though.

Okay, maybe one more. Anything short of Melissa McCarthy's career, now I'm a failure. Yeah, I'm like, oh, I know. And then I started to go, but what about the rest of me? Exactly. I've been so driven, almost like an Olympic athlete. I do think you have to be that focus to make it in the entertainment business, very, very competitive. And so I've neglected all these other parts of my life.

Well, what you do, and by the way, I did the exact same thing, which is it becomes the primary and only identity. I gotta be a successful actor. And then if you're lucky enough, you get to make that your identity, but then you also go, oh wow, this identity can be taken from me as well. This is a tricky business.

And also you can sense there's a whole part of the human experience that you are missing. Yeah, and so I've been objectively speaking successful in my mission to come to America, come to Hollywood and make it as an actress, but then it doesn't make you feel that great. But all this time I just wanted it, wanted it and worked really hard.

But that is the weird gift of it in my opinion. The gift of it is to get it and then you can acknowledge that you would like more on a interpersonal level, on every other level. But if you don't get there, you don't ever come out of the haze of the fantasy. It's a huge gift, but it's not the gift you think it's gonna be.

You die thinking that would have solved everything. Yeah, the girl who I had roomed with left after a few years and didn't make it and probably thinks, oh. She would have had a spectacular life. Yeah. Had she made it. So somehow in the process of coming to terms with all this and being recognizable and all these things,

through the advice of a friend, you're strongly urged to freeze your eggs. Through one of the Pitch Perfect girls. I think a lot of them have done it now. And I didn't have a boyfriend at the time. And I was like, well, I'm getting close to 40. Yeah, how old were you? I was 39.

And then I go in to see the fertility doctor. And I think I want to have kids. And my friend told me she came to you to freeze the eggs. I was such an idiot. I go, oh yeah, so I think I should do that as well. And then he looks me up and down and goes, yeah, but you'd have a much better chance if you were healthy.

Really quick, you know, Monica had a whole show called Race at 35 where she's frozen her eggs. She's like, she has been down this whole path with you. So I wish I'd known about it earlier and then also medically obese and so the doctor was like basically writing me off and then that was a whole catalyst to change my life to become healthier.

Weirdly I couldn't do it for myself but I could do it for a potential child. Well, you're very goal-oriented type A. Yeah. It's hard to make yourself a goal. Maybe it's those motivational tapes from back in the day. So I was like, okay, 2020,

I'm gonna get healthy to freeze my eggs. And then maybe also secretly to look hotter as well. Well, this is a very interesting part of it. I know, that's the vain part of it. Well, but I've seen you talk, of course, when you lost weight, that becomes the topic. You even were in an interview on the BBC and you're talking about really if you quantified

how much press and headlines you had gotten over your weight lawsuit, it would far eclipse any of the press for your film work. And then in these interviews, I find you regularly having to say, well, it was to get healthy. And I just think that you're in one of the more unique positions of anyone I would ever talk to on this topic, which is you did become a mascot of body positivity

and self love. Which I love. Yes, but I was comparing, I was talking to my wife about this today, I was like, you're in a very tricky situation, I acknowledge, which is, so many women felt like they had representation because of you. You were very outspoken about loving yourself, very positive. Then those people maybe feel betrayed when you change your body and how you're probably

trying to balance these people who you spoke for and are you entitled to make a decision to do something else and do you have to constantly defend that decision? Well, I had made millions and millions of dollars playing the fat funny girl. And I represented that to so many people because I did love myself. And I do think beauty is at any size and body positive comments. I do really think that. But then also internally, I knew that I was engaging in very unhealthy behaviours and I was eating a whole gallon of ice cream a night.

It's all throughout your history as a child. You react to sugar in a way that is how I react to cocaine. Yeah, I had a drug, it was cocaine, yours was sugar. You use it to regulate. And literally people say my eyes sparkle when I eat chocolate. You can literally see it. I don't want to encourage you to do anything bad, but at the same time I kind of want to see the sparkle.

We do have Tim Tams right here. Yeah, pass me over Tim Tams. This whole thing feels orchestrated. Like that's the way to cheer me up with a chocolate. Yeah. And so it's a complicated thing because I often just have more love for bigger people or sympathise with them and being bigger

allowed me this amazing career and I profited on it but then I knew I had these eating patterns that were bad for me and that part you forget the results of the eating you recognize the eating in itself is problematic in that you're regulating your emotional state with something external you could say that for sex you could say that for drugs and alcohol anything this is a very complicated situation and I knew that that part I had to fix or work on. I don't know whether I can ever fix it, but I had to work on it.

Regardless of the outcome, you wanted to tackle this. The way your body looks is different than the habit you're trying to correct. Those are separate things. Yeah, so I started losing weight. And then some people are like, why is she changing? Because it makes them think now she's abandoning us or she's not one of us anymore.

She's a sellout or a traitor. Yeah, or why is she doing this? And it makes them feel bad because maybe they couldn't make the change in their own life. They feel weirdly maybe judged by what you've done. Yeah, and so they don't like it. But then you're like, well, what would you like?

Would you like me to go the John Candy route and then you die prematurely? Is that what those people wanted? Because that's what happens if you keep really overeating. So there was a segment of people they'd say I'm unrelatable anymore or she's not funny anymore, which is interesting and maybe- Chris and I was small, she was funny and bright to me.

I know. It's weird because I've done this subject at university called comedy and power. If you are physically not good looking, it is better for your comedy career. So if you have something extreme about you like weight or you have a big nose or you're super tall or you're super small, there are advantages because if people don't want to sleep with you, they're more likely to find you funny. If they want to sleep with you, they're less likely to find you funny. If they want to sleep with you, they're less likely to find you funny. That's really interesting. Psychologically.

Does that work both ways gender-wise? I think so. Wow. But it's probably more prejudicial towards women. Yeah. There's so many like probably primitive, competitive things. Or if a guy is watching another guy be super funny

and he's watching females laughing, he would be threatened by that guy if he were great looking. Oh wow, we're getting somewhere. It also almost explains why that has been the case for comedian standups, except for black dudes. Black dudes can be sexy and hot, and I wonder if that's just because,

oh, they've been so marginalized, that's not a threat either, so they're allowed to be hot. Eddie Murphy, you think, is hot. Eddie Murphy's wearing a leather suit, he's sexy as fuck. Chappelle's gorgeous and sexy. Yeah, gorgeous. Yeah. So that's been a fun, but most white standups have been either kind of nevishy or dorky or goofy. Men couldn't laugh at that. That's just too threatening. You have that power and you're hot. And it's the same with women. That's why it's someone like Jennifer Aniston, who I think is really

attractive. It's interesting. She's had the great comedy women. That's why someone like Jennifer Aniston, who I think is really attractive, it's interesting she's had the great comedy career that she's had because she is pretty good looking and that's unusual. But it's probably because on Friends, that role didn't start off as the funny role. She was this love interest of Ross. And then she's just funny and great.

So I think they wrote to that, but she wasn't cast. They had to love her before they let her. Lisa Kudrow was cast as the funny female role. Yeah, because she was a bit more quirky. She was tall. Yeah. And it's like that traditionally in rom-coms. It was always really the hot girl was the love interest.

And then it was always the fat funny friend because of their physical irregularity. It's crazy fascinating. But what really makes you funny is your personality. Yeah. And often people who aren't good looking develop more of a personality. I might be simplifying everything.

But I do believe that sometimes good looking people have a positive bias in the world, and therefore they don't need to work as hard. How about this? Yeah. We all only work as hard as we have to. Yeah. Approval and love.

Yeah. And we can also be saved by a delusion. If you read Amy Poehler's book, Amy Poehler's so cute and attractive, it's ridiculous. She's also hysterically funny and she would be an example of someone that's still hot. But she in her mind in her own book will tell you, she looked in the mirror in high school and said,

you're not getting boyfriends because of your hotness. You gotta double down on this personality. And I have the same exact speech to myself in the mirror. Like this nose and being 130 and 6'12", you gotta do some other shit. And it's funny, you can through your own delusion get to the same place. Yeah, you can.

So you say it in the book, you really in a very exaggerated sense felt like you had to make a decision between do I want a career or do I want to try to have a baby? Yeah, and mainly because my agent at the time also kind of put it that way, because there was a fear, not just from people on the internet, but also from my team that if you lose weight, you'll lose that pigeonhole that you've so carefully crafted for yourself. You won't make the millions of dollars anymore. And so it was a pretty serious thing for me to go,

okay, thanks guys for the advice. But I think in my heart, it is better to be healthier and try to go after that and freeze my eggs. And so I ignored pretty much all their advice and did what I wanted to do. Yeah. Well, it's best for you. Now along the way, you set out for that goal, but also what I don't like is that you wouldn't be allowed to say, and I wanted to do. Yeah. And now along the way you set up for that goal,

but also what I don't like is that you wouldn't be allowed to say, and I also liked it. Yeah. So I started noticing, I mean, the first 20 pounds, someone at the Oscars go, you know, oh, oh geez, she's looking all right. And then 40 pounds and then people like, oh, and then I posted like a picture in a bikini in my hot tub

and then an executive at the movie studio who I'd been wanting to call me back for months calls me back. Weird things started happening, like at the Gelson's people would offer to carry my groceries to the car. Really? You're getting hot girl privilege all of a sudden.

Yeah, or hold doors open for me in New York City going into a restaurant or something. And it didn't happen unless, it would sometimes happen, you'd be more visible if you're on a press tour and you're in full glam. People are nice to you. But normally you're schlopping around in your track pants. You're not getting any kind of-

Special treatment. Yeah, good looking person bias, positive bias. So these things would start happening that I'd never had before. And I was like, oh my God, is this what other people, you see all the glamazons walking around here and you're like, is this what they get every day? Yes, yes, yes. So people at Starbucks are delighted to take their order.

Yeah. Yeah, and they are. And then I was like, I think I enjoyed it a bit. Sure. Of course. The attention and I started posting all the time pictures of my friend thinking it was like God's gift to hotness or something. You're getting so much positive reinforcement.

Let's also point out too, these things are very hard to evaluate because pre weight loss, you had a story about yourself in your life, which was I am invisible. No one cares. You are missing the few times maybe someone did hold, open a door for you, because it's actually counter to your story. You don't think so, no one ever. I'm not saying that did or did.

Like no one ever came up and said they had a crush on me or whatever. Like no one. But if you adjust your story, you start letting in this notion like, I'm kind of hot. Now you do start seeing the evidence of that more. I see it with Monica. I see guys hit on Monica.

Sorry, Monica. I see guys hit on Monica all the time. What's your status, Monica? Well, I feel like I wanna say a thing I can't say. Because ding, ding, ding. Yeah, there's a big ding, ding, ding. Can we talk about that? Well, we'll cut it out.

I think you should. Okay. Okay. Stay tuned for more of Farm Chair Expert, if you dare. I think the chapter in the book that, to me on the outside, it's shocking to me this was the thing you were most scared to say out loud and most embarrassed by. And the thing that many people won't even know until they read this book that actually know you quite well.

So literally you're now one of the handful of people that know this. So basically it's that I lost my virginity at 35. I mean, at least I did it before 40 because I'd seen that movie, 40 year old virgin. You said you were mildly obsessed with that. Yeah, I was like, oh shit, well, as long as I do it before 40, then I'm not like Steve Carell,

which I know he's a character in that. Anyways, I was listening to one of your podcasts with Molly and she said 24 or something, she lost her virginity and how late. People who lose their virginity even in their early 20s think that's so late. I know. And like they talk about it. And then I was just like, oh shit, I was 35 and what does that say about me?

And so even the guy who I had sex with, I didn't even tell him. You say in the book, he's probably learning. He will probably learn about this. So just to tell you, Monica has the same story. Yeah, okay. I was 29 and I had the same thing. I was like, 30 is approaching fast. That's a big number. I was like, this is a big thing. I was like, 30 is approaching fast.

It's like, this is a big number. I gotta get this done. I gotta check this off the list. I gotta rip the band-aid. I've gotta figure out how to have sex. There's nothing about it that's sexy or romantic. It's just like, this has happened. And I did tell the person and I was really debating.

Do I say it or do I not? For some reason, I don't know why, it felt unethical to not, but I also didn't know. And then we were about to have sex, and I was like, I have to tell you something. And he, of course, I'm sure thought, I was gonna say I had an STI or something like that. And I said, I've never had sex before.

And he was like, oh, do you want to? Which is a lovely, nice comment. The reason I tell this story is because the way this person handled it was spectacular. He said, do you want to? And I said, yes. And he said, okay, great. And then we did.

You fucked the shit out of me. Well. Don't, don't, don't. The actual sex is a big old blur. Like I barely remember it. Yeah, same. Cause it was such a big deal in my mind. Yeah.

Like it's happening. You know, I felt very happy it was such a big deal in my mind. Like, it's happening! You know, I felt very happy it was happening. Because I built it up and I did have this great imagination before. So I knew I wasn't asexual or anything. You had insecurity that you wouldn't be good at it. Did you have that same, Monica? For sure. Or like, I wasn't going to be sexy.

All of it. Yeah, I don't know what I'm doing. I mean, I, like an idiot, watch porn movies the night before. Oh, smart. Not the best. Trying to get some last minute tips or something. Wait, and was this a boyfriend or was it also? Yes, it was a boy who I was really, really into because you get to that point as well, you're like,

if I'm gonna sleep with someone, it has to be someone good. I can't just shag a random person because it had been so long. Each situation is so unique and hard in its own way, but you are also dealing with this very public persona of being very sexual. Yeah. So when I'd gone out on a few dates with people,

I think they were shocked when we sat down and we're in a one-on-one situation or after the date. And I wasn't like that because that was the character and that wasn't the real me. And then they get a bit confused. And so that made dating a bit tricky. And then what could I do? I'm not gonna go and say it.

What if someone sells the story to TMZ or something? Right. Minimally you wanted to trust the person. So I'd be interested, and this is the first time I'm talking about it, but I'll be interested when the book comes out, whether people think it's super weird or whether there's lots of people

who secretly were like me. I think there's lots. And I think when Monica has been very honest and brave about it, she's done this numerous times on here, both with the egg freezing. You just see thousands of people come out of the woodwork and go, oh my God, thank God someone's finally saying this. When she had talked about her late loss of her virginity, thousands of people. In my 20s, didn't date one person, was just focused on career.

But I also felt inside that I wasn't lovable or I didn't have that self-worth. I had it in other areas, weirdly. Same. I had it in my brains. I had it in some areas and not in others. I didn't feel worthy of love in myself. And that's why I went on that experiment

near called the Year of Love, trying to find love, which had a big plot twist. How did that work? Anyone who asked me out? I had to say yes to 2019 but I didn't advertise it. My one exception was if they were in prison Yeah, so anybody else So I've joined this dating app Raya and anyone who legit asked me out on a date I'd go out How many did you go on? So I went on 50 dating app, Brian. Anyone who legit asked me out on a date, I would go out on. How many did you go on?

So I went on 50 dates, which for me was huge. For someone who's not dating. More than once a week. It's a lot of effort to do your hair and get ready and do the chit chat with the people. And met some actually lovely people. Was this pre-virginity or post? Post.

Post, okay. So I'd already had sex and had a couple of minor relationships but didn't find the one. This journey I was on, I thought to find a husband at the time or a real partner. But then really the journey, what I realise now is that I was trying to love myself more and know that I was worthy of love but I was doing that by trying to find the external love which is kind of the storyline of Isn't It Romantic? Like, art imitating life.

But then weirdly, by doing that, I had feelings for a woman, and then it just was a total side curveball out of nowhere. Because I met this tennis player and was like, holy shit, and then felt all these feelings that I had not felt before. And then it was like crazy. Love feelings, soulmate feelings. Yeah. Oh wow. It didn't work out, but it was like this huge like clock twist in my year of love.

What a year. Yeah, I know. What does that do to your agenda moving forward? Well, at that point, I thought maybe it's not like a Disney prince I'm interested in. Maybe it's a Disney princess. So then was open to dating both genders. And then weirdly my partner now Ramona was only the second woman.

Are you guys engaged? Yeah, we're engaged. You're engaged? We did get engaged at Disneyland last Valentine's Day. Oh my gosh, congratulations. Which is very cliche. I know.

Congrats. How cute. Wait, this a couple of months ago or a year? Not over the year. So the ending is from doing all that experimenting and journeying, I realized I am lovable and worthy of love and found an amazing partner. Oh, this is such a happy ending. Spoiler, the book has a happy ending.

Yeah. Also, talk about a pattern of your life. So it's like you're shy as fuck and then you just force yourself to meet five people, go do these acting classes that you don't want to do. You feel awkward in love and you're just force yourself to meet five people, go do these acting classes that you don't wanna do. You feel awkward in love and you're just gonna force it. Like this is a very, for you, a tried and true approach to overcome things. Now that you're saying it, I'm like, oh yeah,

I just set up these missions. You're like a deep end person, like jumping to the deep end. Yeah, and just go for it and try to improve myself. It's inspirational though, and I do think people are reluctant to do that, and I do think it and try to improve myself. It's inspirational though, and I do think people are reluctant to do that, and I do think it's the way to go. Yeah, it's really admirable, because it's so easy to just be like,

eh, that's too hard. Yeah, I could have had a nice life, I had great friends and not pushed myself in that way, but that was almost the last thing that love, and not intimate in a physical sense, because that had happened, but being really intimate with somebody took over 40 years. And you have a baby?

Yes and now I have a gorgeous baby. She's 16 months now. Oh, from the egg freezer? Yes. Amazing. So basically I froze my eggs towards the end of 2020 and I had to do it several times because I'm older. I did it five times. You get all the eggs in the basket and then they thaw them out and then half of them disappear. And then they try to fertilize the eggs and half of them.

What are you having the bank monogon? Nine. Nine. She's a little uneasy about the nine. They want 20. I had 18 and then I have one successful pregnancy, which they don't really tell you that at first. It depends on how old you are. There's so many factors, but yeah, that's good to know. Yeah, but luckily I have my daughter Royce who is just the littlest, cutest angel.

She just somehow turned out perfect. She popped out like she's coming down a water slide. I had a surrogate. Wasn't your water slide? Yeah, so I was watching. Getting ready to cut the umbilical cord and everything. It is a miracle to me, but it was a mission as well, going in and doing all that stuff five times in any moment.

It's also a leap of faith like the other stuff is. Yeah, it's emotional. Five times. Roller coaster. Wow. I am very impressed. Because I have something called PCOS, so my eggs, some of them weren't good quality. The science of it is fascinating.

It is a good time to be doing that kind of thing because advancements have come so far, even in the last five years. This is my conclusion. We have nine and 10 year old girls. And for me to have finally elevated someone else's needs above my own has been the greatest experience of my life. And it's very counterintuitive.

Do you have any tips for that? Because I lived this life for so many years where it was just focused on me and my career. And then now having a family, it's hard. A big adjustment. Yeah, it is hard. It is a big adjustment. I actually like myself infinitely more than I did

before I was making two people ahead of me. For me, that's the gift. As a self-centered addict, borderline narcissist person, I think the great gift is like, I actually care about two people much more than myself. Yeah, and everyone in our business, you have to be egocentric to some level to survive. Why would you think you would be the one in seven billion? Yeah, so even last night, my baby was a bit sick.

We've flown from Australia, she's vomiting. And then I asked my partner, Ramona, can she sleep with the baby in the other side of the house? Because I needed a sleep to start the book press. And then I'm like, oh shit, am I like the most selfish person? Because I'm still learning, at least I feel a bit bad about it, about sending them to the other side of the house because I am used to just living this solo life. If you wanted a great night's sleep because you wanted to watch Netflix tomorrow,

you got a problem. That would be shit. But you have a job that is ultimately about the baby because you got to go out and sell this book. Yeah, I'm the breadwinner of the family. No, you're good. It is an adjustment. Even if you're like, fuck, I just want to watch Netflix all day.

That's, I think, normal. And I actually think the older you are, I have friends who just had a baby and they're adjusting to this too, where it's like we're on the older side now starting to have kids, you know, around 40, and you've lived a long time without. And so it's gonna be a little bit of a harder adjustment.

It is a hard adjustment, because we're like, oh, we got invited to the Beyonce concert, but oh, what do we do with the baby? Right. Right. Things that are no brainers normally. And I think I've been a bit of a workaholic in my career. And so now I've realizing I wanna say no to the jobs,

because I wanna spend time with my baby, who's gorgeous, and I don't wanna be working 24 seven. And so I will make adjustments because I'm loving them so much and loving family time. It shocked me that I would ever be like that in a way. It's a good positive change. Yeah, and you're not sliding the needle all the way to selflessness. It's like you're probably a selfish, indulgent piece of shit like me and then you slide it like a halfway

good person and you can feel that. My mum was like a martyr. My mum sacrificed herself for us children and did everything for us, so didn't maybe follow her career like singing and playing guitar and stuff and never did that. And so I want to be in the middle where I still get to have fulfillment in my job but then also am a good person. And you will, you will totally figure out that balance. Yeah, it's hard though, it is really hard. I have to admit that one chapter that of course really interested me was this Sacha Baron Cohen chapter.

Do you know him? Yes, he's always been very friendly to me. I don't even know what the, I don't know what you're talking about. It's a fucking shocking. So basically it was the worst professional experience I've had. The movie was called Grimsby, I think it was its name in America.

And basically Sasha was someone from a comedic perspective I idolized, who I thought, oh my God, like hilarious. I watched the L.E.G. show and a Borat movie, I just thought was so funny. And he called me up one day and asked me to be in his movie. I thought like I'd hit the jackpot. Well, can I just add, he did funny. And he called me up one day and asked me to be in his movie. I thought like I'd hit the jackpot.

Well, can I just add, he did one thing, Dicey, before that, which is you were going to host MTV Movie Awards for the first time and your roommate had had a dinner party that he attended and you were floating some of the monologue to all these comedians. Yeah, they're like, yeah, get the jokes out and test it on us. I'm like, okay, get my little palm card.

Dale Carnegie says always look opportunity in the thing. Yeah, and then so I'm like, okay, and I start doing the jokes about the movies that year and I can just seem not laughing. And there were other comedians there, but they were being more friendly. But Sasha was the one that I really idolized. And so I was like, just seeing if he would laugh. And then I end my palm cards and he goes, you're in real serious trouble, you have nothing.

Oh my gosh. And he had hosted the MTV Movie Awards. I was freaking out, which sent me on like a four day panic spiral where I got other comedians to write some jokes for me and I ended up doing them at UCB, but doing the same jokes I'd said in front of Sasha, but then all these kids laugh. And they killed. Yeah.

So then I was like, why did he do that? Because the jokes were good. Because he was jealous. Well, I don't know why. And then I think it was maybe a year later when he asked me to be in his movie and to play his wife. And I go, wow, this is awesome. And it's going to film in South Africa as I am. You're old. Or you have malaria. You're old, malaria're going to have malaria.

You're going to have malaria stomping grounds. I hope I don't get malaria again. I think my pills this time. I went down and I was probably my heaviest at that point and dealing with things about my father and I noticed he kind of got off on just making people in general feel uncomfortable and then he would make me feel very uncomfortable by all sorts of comments. Like he said, I should rent a boat in Cape Town and we should kiss publicly. And then the paparazzi would take photos and then that could be a scandal that would help promote the film.

Oh boy. And then kept saying that I have to go naked in the movie and I have to run across this soccer field and how hilarious it would be. And that it'd be like a classic comedy. If I did that and I just kept saying no, no, no. Every interaction was something about this nudity. And then we were shooting at this soccer stadium, a sequence, and I get called out of the trailer by an assistant and he said, Sasha wants to talk to you. And I go into a room, you know, there's dingy rooms in the bottom of the stadiums, and there was a mattress there on the floor, and he pulls down in his pants, but he had underwear still

on and his buddies were around. They said, oh, this will be added bit for the movie. Sasha said, I just need you to stick your finger up my ass. Which sounds funny when I say, I know sometimes with my accent or whatever. And obviously it's not for the movie. There's no camera crew, the sound crew. They're off at a different part of the stadium filming the actual movie. So his buddies had iPhones and were filming the whole thing. And I'm just horrified and was like, no, why would I do that? I've never stuck my finger up somebody's ass.

So I was like, no, certainly not the guy who's my boss. And I kept saying no, no, no. And then it felt like an eternity. It probably wasn't. I felt like I said no 300 times. And he's, come on, just do it. It'll be hilarious. It'll be so funny if you just did it.

And then eventually someone was looking for Sasha in the production and came and I feel rescued me from the situation because I wasn't physically trapped but I felt trapped. You felt it, yeah. And then I went back to my trailer and called my agent who also happened to represent him. Oh, this is where it's so dicey. And so this was before Me Too had happened and they represented him and he was a bigger star and so said what happened and then it was this debate about what do I do?

Do I continue on and do the movie, which would be the professional thing, to not quit a movie set? Or do I leave and the agent said, well, you know, if something like this happens again, then you can leave. So I stayed against all my instincts. Yes, you put a broomstick up his ass. That'll be the final word.

Yeah, like if he does another thing. If it gets worse, how could it get much worse? And there were other things that I talk about in the chapter, just things that made me feel like humiliated or degraded. We ended up hiring a- Like a stripper from Cape Town to do the nude bit and asked me to watch it. What the fuck?

And then was like, see, she did it, look how good she is. But he's literally sitting there laughing because her fat on her stomach and on her legs and on her boobs is jiggling up and down. And for whatever reason, he found that hilarious. This is rough. And so it was just like... I'm sorry. It just made me like...

What a fucking shitty experience. Sometimes when you think about your self-worth, that really did a number on me because at that point, I was hugely popular around that time and Pitch Perfect was a huge success and so I couldn't have more cachet as a comedy star. But then this made me feel as a person, I was just someone to be laughed at and it wasn't about the scene or the comedy, it was personally humiliating. And then I looked back at some of his work and I thought, is some of the other stuff jokes or is it really his opinion about women and especially overweight women?

And so I felt really bad. At first you could try to rationalise it, like again it was before me too. I go, oh maybe I'm just not tough enough, I can't keep up with the jokes. And I remember there was this one movie, I think it was Emma Watson, and there was a whole thing when she left set because these boys were improvising was Emma Watson, and there was a whole thing when she left set because these boys were improvising gross jokes at her. And there was a bit of a scandal about it and they said, oh, because she can't hang with the boys. And I thought, oh, is that what they're going to say about me? And I tried to laugh it off. But then, I don't know, it just sunk in. I don't want to be around this person ever again. Don't want

to see their face. And so I said, I'm not going to promote the film, which was the only leverage I had at that point. There's a bit more in the book about he asked me to do reshoots, which was a graphic sex scene with him using like objects and the way it was written, it was disgusting. I just can't have anything to do with him. And then they threatened my career and said there's only five movie studios in town and we can ruin your reputation in all of them. And that went from like hurt to being threatened. And I don't know what they did because obviously I didn't promote the movie. I had not seen the finished film.

It was probably the only time in your life you've been really happy that a movie you were in. Yeah. Tanked. Yeah. So I kind of felt that was calmer enough. It's not like I'm seeking some revenge. What you're saying in the book, you don't want them to be canceled, but you also want the truth of your experience to be known.

Yeah, and it was a dilemma when Me Too came out and I don't feel like a victim in a way people who have been assaulted have. That was just the worst thing to have happened to me. And do you put that in the book or not? And then I just felt like, well, there was more stuff. The stuff that's in the book is just the stuff that can be verified for legal reasons. You have to do all that work, because as a lawyer I know about defamation.

And then I just thought, okay, put it in, because hopefully other women and people who might feel like they're being taken advantage of or whatever read it. I would imagine if I were you, you might have some anger at yourself that you didn't make a bigger stink at the time, but I weirdly feel like this is how you heal from it as you go, but today I can still do something and this is how I am going to stand up for myself.

Yeah, I didn't stand up for myself apart from calling my agent and a lawyer. I don't want to in any way imply this was your fault. Oh God. I'm just, I'm suggesting. But I even went to London months later agreeing in the reshoots because logically I thought he's written this graphic sex scene. But I was told by my agent, you can go and have a meeting and the female producer is going to be there.

And you can tell him why you were so uncomfortable. So just fly. Just go to London. You know, and I never should have. And so I am angry. But this is the way you go. Now I'm done. This is the thing I can do today and I'm gonna be brave enough today to do it.

And I'm not a confrontational person, I'm not out to start a fight with somebody. There's been so many times in my life where I haven't said something and I just felt like this experience made me feel so bad that the only thing that should write it down is one of the chapters. I guess that's maybe when I'm suggesting

that this isn't necessarily to hurt him as much as heal you. Yeah, and because it made me feel so low self-worth, and if you read the whole book, the journey is coming to self-love and self-worth, and that was one of the things that really took me down quite a few notches. Yeah, it's a big part of the story. It's a big low point, yeah.

Despite having all these amazing things going on in my life, having that that just make you feel like shit and make you feel like you're really ugly. And like imposters. I'm not really this thing I think I am. Yeah, and that being overweight is laughable and I guess it's my way of just putting out the story. And obviously I don't expect any cancellations or anything. I don't really agree with that kind of stuff, but I don't know. It's sharing it because it does help me. Well, I'll tell you what you're gonna get out of it.

It's the same as you saying I'm a virgin at 35, which to you still feels like something, but to all of us. But everyone else outside of your own head is A, not judgmental of that, and then B, many people relating deeply, feeling seen, the same gift you gave to people when you were urging everyone to be body positive and representing.

And so this story, although a million people won't have been on a film set, they have been in this situation. The situation is ever present. And there's also all these categories of work that are boys clubs. So comedy has always been a boys club. And if you're admitted as a girl, there's this heartbreaking urge to just go along with anything because you've been invited.

You're one of the few people that have been invited in. But guess what? There's female engineers that are in the boys club. And when he's yelling, like, show your vagina, open up your legs on the couch when I'm doing this scene. And do I do that? He's telling me to do that because he thinks it's funny. You question yourself. And then I I played characters like Fat Amy,

which I had agency over, but this was something different that I'd not come across. And it felt like exploiting yourself. That was a time where I did it and I should have quit. And I go, why did I not quit? Because there's this enormous machine around you and you're a person. And we are social animals. And I'm also someone who holds my professionalism in a high regard. Because there's this enormous machine around you and you're a person Holds my professionalism in a high regard by the way this one they know they have leverage over you We know you care about yeah You know I'm someone that comes to work on time and does my job and is proud of that and that really put me in

A conflict yeah, but now I know better it'll have a little baby It'll help. And now you have a little baby. No, I know. And I look at her sweet little face. Aww. I'm like aww. Well Rebel, I've really enjoyed getting to meet you. We've never met, which kind of is shocking to me. Unless we were at the same party at some point. Sure you crossed party paths.

I definitely watched Punk'd. You did. Yeah, that was kind of an international show. That was big in Australia. And Monica, thank you for sharing that story, because I have a lot of friends who are like, oh yeah, I lost my virginity at 17, it was so late, and they tell me these stories, and I'm like, oh shit. So I really appreciate you sharing that.

It's so much more common than you think. And like I said, the only reason I know is because I talk about it on here, and we talk about all kinds of crazy stuff, because I kind of forget people are listening. And then there are so many people are in all of these situations. It's good for them, it's good for me, it's good for you, like it's good for everyone. And if anyone's out there listening, I thought maybe there was something wrong with me. Turns out there was nothing wrong. It was just a whole combination of factors and shyness.

The way your narrative went, your story went. And it worked out great and I've had plenty of great sex since. You're engaged and you have a baby. We ended up at the exact same spot everyone does. Yeah, I know. It was just like, I say I'm a late bloomer in the book. Yeah, well it's a beautiful book and it's very honest and I really enjoyed reading it. Rebel Rising, I hope everyone gets a non printed out copy.

But really such a pleasure talking to you and I appreciate your honesty so much. Thank you Monica. No, I loved it. Okay, wonderful. We'll come back and do it again. Okay. See you guys. Bye.

Bye. Stay tuned for the fact check so you can hear all the facts that are wrong. Good morning. Good morning. Is this maybe the earliest fact check we've ever done? Fact check, maybe. Fact check, that's why I'm calling this a fact check. This is a fact check. I just brought my little mommy a cup of coffee.

That's nice. Yeah. Does she enjoy that? I think so. Her boyfriend brings her coffee every morning. So I think, it's probably why she goes home so quick. Yeah, I would. I'd go home to my boyfriend, who brings me coffee.

She said that she's gonna move into my house and that it'll be the kitty cat club. You know, we were walking by your house Sunday after everyone got too full on spaghetti dinner. And we were walking by and so we were like peaking at it. We were getting excited for you. Kristen said to Lincoln, are you gonna like come over here all the time?

And Lincoln's like, yeah. And I said, poor Monica thinks she's getting a new house, but she's really getting two children. Yeah, I can't wait. And that's when my mom said, oh, and I also invited myself to live in her house. You think you're getting this big, glorious house and you really just have the, now you have two children.

I'll have to spill over from here. It's really that this house is just moving over to that house. Should we just swap? No, I'm excited. It's bigger. Yours is gonna be prettier. Apparently mine's bigger.

Yours is gonna be prettier too. Yours is gonna really be something. I was looking at it from the street, I was picturing that backyard and everything. Oh, yay, yay. Yeah, it's gonna be great. Everyone's welcome, the kids are obviously welcome, and your mom is obviously welcome, anytime.

You know what's funny is it might be easier for me to house Nermy and Ashok when they're here, and you to house my mom, and then we all get together and hang out. That's not a bad idea. But you know. Some space. Yeah, it's so unfair.

What were we, you and I were just talking. Yes. Oh, I was talking about that episode of Love on the Spectrum. Love on the Spectrum. Yes, yes. That everyone's just so mean to their moms. They're so mean to their moms. Like everyone, all of us are so mean to our moms.

Of all the people that don't deserve it, they really put in all the time. I know. Is this something maybe about human nature. Like when you actually, like everyone wants unconditional. Then who wants to be a mom then? It's like, it's awful. But you want unconditional love

and then the person that gives it to you, you just like take for granted your super judgmental love. I know. Like I actively in my head have to be like, where's shooting the shit last night by the pool with the kids. And she's talking and I have to like actively go, she's just a wonderful, nice person.

Yes. But it's so like, I think maybe at the core of it for me is like you just see yourself in them. You can't help it. You just see yourself in them and it's like help it. You just see yourself in them, and it's like all the things you might beat yourself up for in bed that night. Well, and more than you see yourself,

because we do that, but even when you're therapized enough to stop yourself from doing that, you can't erase a lifetime of history with a person. It's just impossible to see them, maybe we get glimpses, but for the most part, it's impossible to just live in a space where your parent is just a person.

They're still in some ways. My parents are still the people that if shit really hits the fan, I'm gonna go live there again. Of course. I mean, that's still an option on the table. Oh, they deserve such good treatment. I know. But like.

And I didn't even text back. Oh, you got an unanswered text. Well, we were trying to plan. Trip to India? No, God, I would be responding to that. Okay, I'd be all over that. We're trying to, you're gone for a week, so I'm trying to plan what I'm doing,

which I think I really want to go to New York. Of course. But then we also might go visit my brother. So I'm trying to figure this out. I told my parents like, oh, I'll figure this out this weekend, two weekends ago. And then I did, so then this past weekend, she was like, have you figured it out?

And I was like, yes, I'm opening up my computer to figure it out right now. I'll let you know in a bit. And I did, I opened it, but then Callie wanted to go get brunch. So then I left and then I never responded. And then the next day she was like, we're booking it for this, which I was so glad.

It's like, yeah, can you just do it? And then I was like, yeah, I can come to that. I'll make that happen. You're going to Phoenix? Yeah, just for a couple days. Listen, I was introduced to this place while working for General Motors, and we got to go there like probably six times.

And Arizona was a huge destination for car shows because the desert proving grounds was out there, so they had all the cars out there and everything. So we were there a lot. And the Biltmore Hotel, Robbie, will you look up and see if it's a four season? I think it is. It was designed by a student of Frank Lloyd Wrights.

And it is my favorite architecture of any building I've ever seen. And it might be because I was young and I hadn't been around nice stuff yet, but I think it is as good as I. Wow. A Waldorf Astoria Resort. Okay.

There's like, you know, there's bocce ball and like there's a lot of courtyards that are all surrounded in and it's all stamped concrete with these really cool, very Frank Lloyd Wright concrete stuff. Nice. There's a water slide it looks like. There is? Oh my God. I's a water slide it looks like. There is?

I feel like that's neat. Or just this picture. I'm hoping that I run into Hermium Permium. Doesn't he live there? Well he lives in Colorado, New Mexico, USA. Arizona, USA. Yeah, Colorado, New Mexico, Arizona, USA. They did add a crazy water slide.

Oh they did. Twist water slide. Oh you love water slides Monica. 65 foot twist triple water slide. Whoa! Is it the kind you, is it a tube one? It's a tube. Oh, I do like tube ones, except that bad story we heard

about that little boy. Well, it's a tube, but you're not in a tube. Right, like you lay in a tube. So it's a body slide. Oh no, I'm not doing that. Okay. No, no thank you. But it's fancy.

I like the ones where you're in a tube. This is June or this is tomorrow? No, this is April. April. Yeah. June or tomorrow. April in New York and April. Oh God.

So excited. Be still my something heart. I know. What is it? Beating. Be Still My Beating Heart? I think. I feel like there's something over there. I thought it was just Be Still My Heart. Yeah, I think it's just that.

Oh, Be Still My Beating Heart is a Sting song. No, I'm thinking more of like a ground po or something. Oh my God, they have Easter at this place. At the Biltmore? Mm-hmm. Oh yeah, this sounds like an ad. This would be the best ad, because it was like, I'm thinking about going someplace. I'm like, you know what place is great?

And then you would start reading about it and discovering it. You're right. Also they have retail shops, you know, I love that, and a spa. Anyway, I'll just say, yeah, I didn't respond. They have Illuminaughties out there, which is a Chicago pizza place. Oh, I was like, respond. They have Illuminaughties out there, which is a Chicago pizza place.

Oh, I was like, you mean our five Illuminaughties? John Batiste and David Sedaris. I keep thinking of people who'd be great and then forgetting to write it down. We're not great stewards of the Illuminaughtie list. I had a moment this morning where I had seen a really cute little boy and his father singing Just the Two of Us.

Oh, at school? No, on Instagram. Oh. And the boy looked like Calvin to me. Oh. So I sent it to Rob and I said, well, the little practices could be you and Calvin. Wow.

And then after I sent it, I was like, you know, the boy's Asian. Is Rob gonna think I think? Was it rude? Well, the best, tell Monica what happened. Yeah, I played it for Calvin and Vincent. They were sitting on the couch, and Vincent just kept going, Cal, Cal, Cal, Cal,

and pointing at the little boy singing. So he probably really looked like him. Well, he had a lot of the same mannerisms, too. He was wearing jammies, I feel like, Cal would wear. Calvin always wears jammies. Everyone knows that about him. So he said, Vinnie, I thought so, too, and I said, great, I've been absol. Calvin always was. Everyone knows that about him. So he said Vinny thought so too and I said great. I've been absolved of all racism.

I mean I think it'd be really sweet Rob if you did that, but I think it's a little cuter if Vinny and Calvin learn how to sync that together. Well that would stop the world. That would be another Jackson two, Jackson five all over again. Oh yeah that'd be great. Well we don't want.

Do you ever watch old videos of Jackson 5? It's impossible how good of a singer he was as a little tiny, he was a little infant up there. It was before he got ruined. Yeah. It's sad. He was so talented and like just a little boy. It's crazy. Yeah, God. I just picture my children, they're so young.

For them to have learned, like, you know all those dancer teens, all the lyrics, he was hitting all the notes, I mean, he was a little machine. Do you think he might have been older than they were saying? No. Okay. I don't think so. Like Emanuel Lewis.

Is that that short guy? Yeah, Webster. Short guy. That's one way to say it. That actually feels, has more integrity than little people. Exactly. Short guy. Because really that's what's happening.

Short guy. He's just short and a guy, I think. Well, are we, we're not, do you wanna say, because it'll be out after? What's that? What you're doing today? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that'd be great. Yeah, what are you doing today? We yeah, yeah, yeah, that'd be great.

What are you doing today? We're gonna record Armchair Anonymous after this. After that, Lincoln and I are getting in the car, we're going to Anaheim, California, and we're gonna stay at a hotel, and Charlie and Ace are meeting us, and we're gonna have fun, fun, fun tonight, and have supper time.

What time do you think you'll get there? Um, three, four. What are you gonna do in between four and dinner? Um, those kids will probably wanna go in the pool. They have a pretty fun pool at the hotel. Okay. And then tomorrow, Disneyland all day. And then you're staying that night too?

No, coming home that night. Coming home, okay. Wow. Yes. She wanted to stay that second night and I had to be the bearer of bad news that we would be coming back. Sure, no one wants to leave Disneyland.

No, no, no. It's hard to leave. No, but I was trying to explain to her what the commute would be like on Thursday morning versus Wednesday night. Again, these aren't things that kids care about, commute time, but I am such a dad in that way. When we have to go somewhere, I'm like,

guys, if we leave in an hour, it's gonna take us twice as long. I have a real hard time, the same activity could take twice as long. I get it, especially when it's sitting in the car. Yeah, what are things like that, when you become an adult, you all of a sudden care about things that you don't.

Well, you're running out of time is what's happening. Oh my God, it's true. Well, time is the scarcest commodity. It is, that's what's commonly said among rich people. No, no, I think everyone thinks that. I think more people say it who have children, I don't think it has to do with being rich. But if you're broke, no.

The scarcest commodity is money. Oh, well. You know, like money is more important in time because you're gonna wanna live another 100 years starving. So it is a little bit of, you see a lot of really successful people say that a lot. I would feel so stupid at one. Well.

Let's talk about this. This we can talk about on air. So we're back. We were not proud of anything we were saying. So I did. Well, you are. Yeah. I'm proud of my actions.

Yeah, you are. But anyways. You said something you regretted. I did. I saw something that was a little bit below beneath me. But I think it's nice that you caught it or like you said it and then you were like, why'd I say that?

That's good. I think we need to be doing this more. Because, and we talked about this on Synced, it's getting so bonkers out there. Everyone's just so upset with everyone. Yeah, getting so much pleasure in other people's demise. Schadenfreude. Yeah, it's like at an all time high.

It's tasty. Oh. What? That brings me back to the book. Is it getting annoying how much I'm talking about this intelligence book? No, you've barely talked about it. Oh, okay.

But they were going through the unique intelligence of primates and how it developed. And first of all, what they noticed, the more members of a group that a primate has, the bigger their neocortex is. So first they just saw like, okay, well, there's this very obvious correlation between how smart they have to be

and how many members of the group there are. Interesting, okay. And then they were studying, doing all these experiments and they kinda accidentally discovered this, which is they would give, and they call this, not conscious of mind, I'm so mad I just forgot this. They give a low ranking female hidden food. Okay.

And the first time they give it to her, she shares it with the alpha and the alpha eats all of it and doesn't share any with her. God, typical. So the next time they give her this hidden food, she waits until the alpha turns and goes elsewhere and then she eats it, but then the alpha turns and goes elsewhere. And then she eats it, but then the alpha realizes when he turns that she then goes and gets her hidden food.

How does he know that? He smells her breath? Because he caught her maybe finishing the end of it. Oh, she's so stupid. So then she figured out if she walked away from the hidden food, the alpha would follow her over there and then when he got distracted, she'd come back to the hidden food,

which he then figured out. So then he figured out to walk the opposite way that she, but what all of this demonstrates is they have the ability to understand what you're thinking and what your intentions are. And then it's all, this intelligence has sprung out of deep politicking that we are, you know, we have these varying levels of status,

but we are able to read other people's intentions and prepare for them and outmaneuver them. And it's all this Machiavellian shit. So it's like, when you realize that the very basis of the intelligence was either to deceive people or detect deception. In some weird way, you gotta give us a little bit of a pass. Like that's what the name of the game is.

That's why we're even smart to begin with. So it's like, of course our default is deception and assuming deception and trying to read people's intentions. Like that's how it all started. And we're like trying to transcend it in a world of abundance, where people don't really need to deceive one another.

When time is the scarcest spot in the universe. Well, yeah, wow, that's bizarre. But that's like a big signifier of a certain kind of intelligence that you can know what's going on in another animal's head. I wonder if over 100 years, 200 years, if the neocortex will get bigger

because of social media, because of the internet, because now we know everyone. Like now our circle, our social circle, the people that we're interacting with is unlimited. Well, there's two really weird things happening though. There is that, like a unified culture of 7. Well, there's two really weird things happening though. There is that, like a unified culture of seven billion people, which is very bizarre for us animals designed to live with 200.

I think corresponding with that at the same time is actually a more, a tinier and tinier and tinier actual group of people that you interact with. So I think as people's's online life has gotten bigger, their immediate real life, face to face, real status, really being at a birthday party where status shows itself, or really being at a job and not at your work from home. So in a weird way, this bizarre opposite thing's happening,

which is we're actually becoming more solitary as we become more unicultural. So I don't know what effect that'll have. Like mating will be the reward, right? Like who's gonna end up having the most children? Except that whole raid is falling. People aren't even trying to. Well, there's like the last couple weeks

have been like article after article about America's projections. We've already plateaued basically, and we're gonna be on the decline. It's pretty significant. When I read the projections, it was like if we don't allow immigration, it had like four graphs in the New York Times

or lines on a chart. And one was like we have a really loose immigration policy. And then basically we shut the borders. If we were to shut the borders, I think our population was scheduled to fall to like 200 million by 2050, some really near date that we would go from 330 million down to 200 million. So we lost over a third of our population.

That's our GDP, all that stuff. Yeah, and competing with countries that have young populations. India, Paris, Brown skin, talking about my brown skin. Leon Bridges. Leon Bridges. Leon Bridges' song. Okay, anyway, so yeah, you were saying.

Intelligence, deception, gossip. Yeah, you had said something you regretted. And I think we need to check ourselves. But of course, we're gonna have the thought. It's okay to have the thought, but then the second thought should be like, oh man, that was not necessary. Or I don't really feel that way.

Yeah, why am I, I mean, just the middle, like what hit me was like, why would I take pleasure in that? That's just not a good side of me. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not proud of that side that would take pleasure in someone else. But knowing that I'm not proud of that

will stop you. The comments and things like that. Oh, the comments. If you have that train of thinking where you have like a mean thought, but then you think, I'm not proud of that thought. That's not the best side of me. Then you probably won't share it.

Have you ever written a nasty comment? Never. I mean, knock on wood. But I, no, I don't. I don't. I don't, I don't, I don't. Right. I don't get pleasure from that though. Right, right.

I've never gone into a comment section in Let It Rip, but on Twitter, I was a little too active on Twitter, where I would like disagree with people who, you know, posted stuff, but that one, I don't know why that one felt different. This is why I laughed. I am so easily ensnared. I have to recognize my own limits. Yeah, it's important.

A man's got to know his limitations. Clint Eastwood, Leon Bridges, Liberal Arts Education, Holonics Studies. Well, when we were off air, we also accidentally started talking about fashion shows. Yes, okay, there we go. And you very much wanna go to one. So bad.

I've had a few opportunities, but I haven't been able to make it to New York. Right. Now, when you imagine yourself sitting there, how do you imagine yourself feeling? I am gonna be self-conscious. Okay, because I was gonna say, I know how I'll feel. I'll literally be thinking, everyone in here is like,

why is that guy in here? He's got no fashion. Well, no, they would be like, yeah, you're a famous person. Famous people go to that. Do they get a pass? Yeah, I mean. But what would I be wearing this? No, no, no, a famous person. Famous people go to that. Do they get a pass? Yeah, I mean. But what would I be wearing this? No, no, no, no, no, no.

It'd be even worse though if I tried to look fashionable. No, you can't, you're not allowed to go in your regular clothes. Like you would beforehand go to, like if it was Burberry, I don't know that they're doing, if it was the Row, men's. Let's keep it to Burberry because they wear a little bit of burberry

I know I just I don't think they I haven't let's pretend they do it though They do okay, then you they would either send you stuff or your stylist And then I don't forget a style and then they fit you know you'd wear burberry to the show you don't Oh, you can't wear your own clothes. They Interesting. Well, not if you're a famous person. And everyone there is. Well, can you be a famous person and just go without being invited by them? No, you have to be invited.

I see why you wanna go so bad. Yeah, of course. It's such a badge of honor. And I told you about the road show. They had those pencils I bought. The only thing I can relate to is private track days on the motorcycle track. Like Yamaha will have one.

You can't bring your Suzuki to that day. Oh right, no. It's disrespectful. Of course. Now I have. Oh no. Well, I'll tell you what, cause I had this bike built, right? And you can't tell what it is. Oh. All it has is that it has the frame and the motor,

but all that's been worked on. And then all the visible stuff, the suspension and stuff is all aftermarket stuff. And then it has a unique has the frame and the motor, but all that's been worked on, and then all the visible stuff, the suspension and stuff is all aftermarket stuff, and then it has a unique fairing to it. So you couldn't look at this bike and say it was a Kawasaki, but I have taken my race bike to a Yamaha event, but I've asked them.

Oh, you did. I'm like, I don't feel good about this, but I would like to bring my new race bike, and they're like, man, there's nothing on it, right? But I guess that's the only thing in my life that I can relate to is like showing up to a Kawasaki track day with a Yamaha or vice versa. Which is a no no.

It's similar in no way. You're biting the hand that's feeding you. Yeah, you can't. It's a fact. It's disrespectful. I think you can't. I don't think they'll let you in if you come in. With a bunch of Tommy Hilfiger stuff,

with like the logos all over it. polo sweatshirt with like, LaCosta? Oh, no. Also that's how you pronounce it. What do you say? LaCost. It's probably right. Do you know how to, well, this is-

Go ahead. No, it's not even a fun game with you because you're not fashion. Okay. But- Spell it. L-O-E-W-E, do you know how that's pronounced? L-O-E, L-O-E-W-E?

The home improvement store? Yeah, Lowe's. What'd you say? The home improvement store, Lowe's. Lowe's. Boy, I had an ass. Oh my God, sorry, back to my mom. Yeah.

She was telling a story about going to Whistler's. Oh, and that time I was going to go skiing at Whistler's and I was up there. As a mom, of all the things you pluralize, I don't know why that one seems the most insane. You don't like it. Well, it's Whistler's. I know.

It's like Whistler's, there's like multiple mountains or something, I don't. But this is so you. It's so something you do. Also, we have the same cough. I mean, listen to her cough all week, and I'm like, my God, this is what it's like being around me, I fucking,

endlessly fucking chest congestion. Poor gal. Oh, mom. You know, she has to cough all the time, and she's the only person I know that has to, well, weekly too. We cannot be more than three feet from a box of Kleenex at any point.

Right. Yeah, drainage, drainage, drainage. I asked you that on the flight to India. Where are your tissues? I had some questions about your tissues. Like, do you always keep some in your pocket at all times, just in case? I usually roll around town with two Kleenexes in my pocket.

But if I'm gonna fly, I'm like, I'll have the napkin that the drink comes on, and then I go into the toilet and grab a couple of those tissues. They're the worst. I wanna, whoever makes that decision, I wanna somehow torture them. I wanna give them a cold,

and I wanna set them in a room with just those tissues. And then like 12 hours in when all their nostrils are scabbed and bleeding, I'm gonna say, oh, how does it feel now? Wow, that's vindictive. That's sadistic. But anyways, Whistlers and Tommy Hilfiger. Oh, Louie, Loles.

Louieve. Louieve. Yeah. Is that a German brand? I think it's Spanish. Because how do we get a W into a V other than just Spanish, Wiener, Schnitzels, Volks? I think it's Spanish. It might not be Spanish, I don't know, but I think it is.

Now what's weird about the V in German, you go Volkswagen, but they're already using a V at the beginning for Volks, but then they have W for Wagon. We would say Volkswagen. Yeah. But they say already using a V at the beginning for VOLKS, but then they have W for WAGWAGON. We would say VOLKSWAGON. Yeah. But they say VOLKSWAGON. Oh. So it's like, you're already using the V.

Right, why wouldn't it be W at the top? Oh yes, W at the beginning and in the middle, or V and V, but mixing it up like that. This is confusing, yeah. It is from Madrid, Spain. Okay, yeah. Oh, okay. I need to know this.

I hope I get invited to the La Hueve show. That's the one you wanna go to? No, I wanna go to the row. I wanna go to the row, but it's so exclusive. It is, what is it, five people in the audience? Well, at the last one, they said no cameras. Right, pencils only. Pencils that they provided.

And I can tell them, I'll bring my own pencil, I bought some. Yeah, you got your own pencils When I was doing my makeup videos when I was in a rabbit hole the guy who I was mainly watching his name's hung van goh He's Asian. He's amazing. Like he did Jennifer Lawrence for the Oscars and everyone couldn't stop talking about how pretty she want Jennifer Lawrence for the Oscars, and everyone couldn't stop talking about how pretty she looked. He does really, he has these lines. You are so girly, and I really like it. It's really fun.

Vietnamese. Oh, Vietnamese. He has a very strong accent. He's from Vietnam. Yeah, he's not American. And he has a very strong accent. And I always feel, it's like it breaks my heart a little because he's always like,

I know people can't understand me. That's, yeah, that's sad. Yeah, and he's like, so the description. But my mom's not from Vietnam. My mom's from Michigan. No, I'm not talking about that. I'm totally pivoted. He says pencil like that.

Oh, interesting. And then it made me wonder, was that woman Asian? Oh no, she was Shiman? That's definitely European. Anyway, so it drives you nuts about the plural, but even though you like to plural things. I think I, when I do it, I think I'm doing it intentionally to be funny, back to intentions.

If you were a monkey, you would be able to figure this out. Like what's one you think I pluralized that I don't mean to? Like I'll say O'Reilly's, but that's to be funny because Erin really thought it was O'Reilly's and that's a Michigan thing. I guess that's true, I don't know any. And I mispronounce words a lot, but the pluralizing, I don't know.

She still thinks my favorite teacher was Mr. Woods. Oh, and it was Wood. Yeah, Mr. Wood. But she almost has confused me. Like a lot of times I think his name is Mr. Woods. I actually have to remember, no, that's what my mom calls me.

Okay, your inclination is to call him Seth Meyer. I've heard you say that a few times. Oh, I actually take the S off. Yeah. Interesting, I think maybe because I'm hypervigilant on not putting S's on them. God, this is a lot to juggle. Okay, we haven't done any facts

and we have five minutes. There aren't that many. She brought us Tim Tams that were so delicious. I haven't gotten to have them, but I did find out they're gluten-free versions. So I hear Mark. You're nervous. Yeah, because she brought them from Australia

and she said, you know, these aren't like the kinds from Gelson's. These are better. And they are. What if I were to order them from Australia and have them mailed? Okay, we'll see. They are so good.

But I did look up, because you know everyone loves English chocolate, David always brags about New Zealand chocolate being so much better, and I was like, what's the difference? Just the dairy's different? A British chocolate typically contains more cocoa solids. Oh, okay.

Which contributes to a richer chocolate flavor. So I'm wrong, I would have thought that the dairy itself was creamier. Yeah, I think we thought maybe it was the milk, but it's about the cocoa solids. Anyway, they're incredible. And I recommend. Was Russell Crowe in Rocky Horror Picture Show?

Yeah, early days. Wait, the original, no, he's not old enough to be in the original, is he? 24-year-old Russell Crowe struts his stuff in Rocky Horror. Oh, so it's like probably a production of it. 1988 Australian production. There we go. So that's not original?

That's not the original Rocky Horror Picture Show. 1975. Oh, yeah. Year of my birth, year of Microsoft, year of the 911 Turbo. What a year. Wow. 75. That's a big year.

Are you allowed to pack fireworks in your suitcase? No. No way. No, no, no. No way. That's a big no, no. Check or carry on. No.

It shouldn't be on an airplane. Have you ever seen any footage of when firework factories go up? No. There's some epic ones. It's everything you would expect. It's like the most incendiary, humongous, but colors everywhere pops, bangs.

I mean, it's- God, that sounds kind of pretty. You have, if you're at a safe distance. That's the problem. It's always hard to know what is a safe distance when those things are popping up, as I demonstrated on New Year's a safe distance. That's the problem, it's always hard to know what is a safe distance when those things are popping up, as I demonstrated on New Year's two years ago. That's right.

Okay, malaria, because she had malaria. Yeah. Timely, that she had. I guess we're out of the window. Yeah, I took all my pills appropriately. You're supposed to take them seven days after. We've been home from Austin for 17 days, and we have been home four days before that.

So 21, three weeks, I would have gotten it by now. Okay, yeah, you stopped taking them. I got bored of it, really. I know, okay, I cannot, I cannot. Every time I took one, the rest of those days, I was like, why can't he just keep, you already took it for so long. I know, two full weeks. And you took it for the annoying time to take it.

Yeah, I know. I think it was because we finished the trip in Delhi and there wasn't mosquitoes like there had been in Hyderabad. I know, it's just like this harkens back to our character. You're right. And we did it, you did it. I know, it's just like this harkens back to our character. You're right. And we did it, you did it. I know, but I've done this too with antibiotics. You know how they say finish your pack of antibiotics.

You don't finish? There have been times I haven't. I know, I'm sorry, it's not recommended. I hope no one looks up to me and emulates this behavior. But you're right, I did it for whatever, 12 days or something, why not just do the next four? But I just decided, I have this same weird thing. I can admit it's completely illogical,

but I won't take a statin. I don't know why. I've been prescribed a statin for my cholesterol. It's just a dumb little pill. I take a bunch of other little pills in the morning. I don't have a good little pill. I take a bunch of other little pills in the morning. Yeah, and you just don't take it. I don't have a good explanation other than I just, I'm not gonna do it.

Yeah, so stubborn. I mean, the statin, I get a little bit. That's adding a new thing into the mix. This is not, this is just not seeing something through. Yeah, you're right. I cannot relate. Yeah, you know, it's just not seeing something through. I cannot relate. Yeah, you know, it's like I got the C, I know I'm gonna pass, and I just quit.

Yeah, and then you, you went all the way for that A+. You got a big fat A+. But look, there's a difference between Suma and Magna. We've known this has existed for a while. I got a measly three, seven. It's just, I think it's like one of the questions, like the five fingers. Are you the type of person,

if you are on malaria pills for 12 days and you get home and there's only four more days left and you're supposed to finish them all, do you or don't you? Yeah, I don't, I don't. I'm acknowledging it's stupid. That's all I can give you. I know, I just find it interesting and funny.

Well, do you have a theory? I don't really even have a theory. I think, yes. I just think I didn't want to think about it again. My theory is... Wait, I'm done, we're going to South By. I've got to prepare for Conor McGregor. Yeah, there's a few things I think.

One is you're a bit more reckless with your body than I am. Uh-huh, sure. Also, as soon as you think something doesn't matter. Uh-huh, oh yeah, once I've. You won't arbitrarily do anything. That's really, you're really getting close here. Yeah, that's a bullseye. Because to you you're just like, at this point, it's arbitrary bullseye. Because see, you're just like at this point,

it's arbitrary. The second I think something's arbitrary, something is arbitrary, I can't do it. Even if it cost me nothing. I know. I know. It's really fascinating. It's shameful.

Yes, well you watched it on the airplane, the shades up and down. Sometimes it's required and sometimes it's forbidden and I just go, well then the whole thing's bullshit. And you don't like it. And I won't participate anymore. Because it's busy work, it's like, it's just busy work. I hate busy work.

No one likes it but it's like you just fucking do it. Yeah, you just do it, this is life, you do busy work, you lift the shades when they say or close them. You finish your malaria pills just, who cares? It's the right way to live, yeah. It is the right way to do things. I feel like, Rob, you're more like me, like you'd probably finish them, right?

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. He's like, can I have more? It'd be crazy not to. Can I take them for the rest of my life? I took them just because I was around you guys. Yeah. Ha ha ha.

Oh boy. All right, well we are late for our next event. Great. Was there only Tim Tams? No, Malaria, Russell Crowe, Fireworks. Oh yeah, that's great. That's a full boat. Yeah, that was it.

Well, if he had one more, that'd be a full boat. Well, I mean, I guess it's important to say, is it important to say? I don't know. Obviously when we have people on this show and they're telling their story, that's their truth. So like, you know, this one in particular involves other people.

Oh, right, right, yeah. So I don't know what to say about that. Well, I think I could go further than that, maybe if this is even worth doing, but on some level for us, we have to defer to a publisher. Like a publisher has lawyers, they've vetted things, like to print things and open themselves up to be liable, is why people are so worried about the trustworthiness

of the news eroding. It's like we need trusted sources. And so in this case, I guess I defer to that. Like I think if maybe I was talking to someone they said something that was really quite damaging to someone else and there was no real proof of that and there had been no vetting. I would have to evaluate that.

I don't think I'd be, I wouldn't want to participate in someone just bringing someone down without some sense that there was some proof, I guess. But this, I'm just gonna say, to me it was all about the publishers. I read it in the book that has been vetted and has been opened up to liability. I guess I'm gonna trust them.

Yeah, all right, well that's that. Love you. Bye, love you. Thanks for watching!