Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Synced: aMENds

Episode Date: July 17, 2024

In this episode of Synced Monica shares a big life update, they talk about the 'four quadrants of dating,' and Liz recounts when she was hit by a car in her early twenties. They answer listener questions on pet names, initialed jewelry, and not being invited to a friend's wedding. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A hair raise? Yeah. Because I feel like you cut it more than twice as more as me. And yet yours is longer, which that's the thing I keep hearing about why you should trim. Yeah. I feel like we've talked about that's the thing I keep hearing about why you should trim. Yeah, I feel like we've talked about... Yeah. That's the whole, that's what they tell you.

That they trim sort of grow. And now we know. And now we know. It's so pretty. So mermaid-y. I do need a cut though. Same. It's time.

Yeah. For a little trimming. I literally, before I left, I just almost impulsively just snapped. Oh yeah, I forget you cut your own hair. Well, but I need to not. I think I need to like see a professional. But it looks good. Does it?

Yeah. I don't know. It's not great. If you focus on the ends. Don't focus on the ends. Okay, just focus. Never focus on the ends. Never focus on the ends.

Wow, that's a good life lesson. Only focus on the beginnings. On the beginnings and the whole picture. In the middle and the whole thing. Yes, not just the end. How are you? I'm good. What's been up?

Everything's great. I feel like I'm one of those people that's boring because people are like, what's going on with? And I'm like, no drama. Nothing's wrong. I feel at peace. I'm like, just compared to like last summer, I was taking stock of like one year. Oh my God.

I'm in such a better place than last summer. And was taking stock of like one year. Oh my God. I mean, that's such a better place than last summer. And I'm very happy about it. Have you been meditating? Have you been? No. How are you feeling? I'm feeling fine, but I've been bad at our challenge. Have you even done it once?

No. It's okay. I have to be honest. I haven't. I feel like that's the meditative thing to do. Is to be honest. Acceptance. Well, no, I still want to do it. It's never too late. Iitative thing to do. Is to be honest. Acceptance. Well, no, I still want to do it.

It's never too late. I'm going to do it today. Do you have like a party voice? It's like a little scratchy, right? Yeah, like you had a fun time. I did. I did have a fun time. I don't feel like I was screaming, but maybe I was screaming.

I mean, it was 123 degrees in Palm Springs. Oh my God, I heard. It was record breaking. So maybe I'm just a bit drained. Yeah. Also, I have an update. Oh god. Positive.

So I got filler. You did? Yesterday. It's like a little sore. But I got filler on my chin. Okay. And then he also did some Botoxy stuff, not in my forehead, like not for wrinkles, but to help sculpt that area.

Sculpt your cheeks? My bottom half of my face, which is what I went to him for. Okay, what you wanted. Yes. And he was great. I liked him and I like it. Contra Posto Clinic in West Hollywood. His name is Casey Welk.

He's great. I'd heard about him from multiple people and then he's also married to Nick Axelrod, who is a host of Eyewitness Beauty podcast, and he talks about it a lot, and him and I chat sometimes on DM. Okay, and how do you feel? I feel good, I really like it. Can you tell?

I can tell. You can tell. Yeah, I know, I'm like trying to. Can you tell or no? You always look amazing. Thank you. I can't tell, no. Even when you know, what about my profile? No, I mean, I'm sorry, I'm like trying to... Can you tell or no? You always look amazing. Thank you. I can't tell. Even when you know.

What about my profile? No. I mean, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, I think that's great. I'm like, guys, when they don't notice you've cut your hair, gotten your nails done. No, no, no. For me, that's ideal.

Right. Is for no one to notice anything other than just like, oh, she looks good. Yes. You always look good, but you look good now. I'm glad. I mean, so you had been thinking about it. Yes, I've been thinking about it for a while. I almost got Kybella, as people know about my journey

with Kybella. Casey confirmed he didn't think Kybella was for me, so I'm glad I didn't go down that route. And filler, you know, goes away. And for me, it was, if I don't like it, you can dissolve it. So I was trying to hedge my bets a little bit. And does it hurt? Getting it done.

Yeah. They numb it, and then they gave me the nitrous. What's nitrous? It's like a... It's like laughing gas. Cute. Oh, you got laughing gas? Yes, except I don't think I was doing it right.

It wasn't put on me like they do at the... In the movies. Yeah, the movies. They have a machine, you like take breaths of it when you want it, sort of at your leisure. Almost like a vape? Yes, exactly, exactly. But I was like, I'm not doing it right.

I'm not feeling it. I didn't feel it at all. And the woman said, she was like, take like a deep breath and she was like, you'll be like, oh, that's it. But I didn't know. That feels like it would be the best part. I know.

And then also, I was remembering, like, I could never really, like, smoke a bong. I've never smoked a cigarette. You've never smoked a cigarette? No, in my entire life. That is the most adorable thing I've ever heard. Oh my god, did you ever, like, want to? Want to, or were you offered?

Yeah, I was around. Say no. I just did not want to. Oh my God, did you ever like... Want to? Or were you offered to say no? Yeah, I was around. I just did not want to. And I also did have enough people in my life who weren't. So I wasn't like the only person. But I probably still, if I was the only person, I probably still would have been like no. My dad smoked.

And he had to quit. And I saw him quit. And I think I was just like, I didn't want to do that. I get that. And Penn, once I started cheerleading and stuff, that was definitely like, we were so, we were on such a regimen. I mean, should we get into it?

Yeah, but we'll, okay, so the nitrous oxide. I've never been able to do that. So I think that's why it's like, I think it's the same process. Yeah, process. You can't inhale, you've never had an inhaler, you've never vaped, you've never- I can't inhale, you've never had an inhaler, you've never vaped, you've never...

I've never vaped. Have I had an inhaler? That's a good question. Not that I remember, but maybe. So I don't know how to inhale. I feel like that's good. I could teach you, but I feel like that's a bad influence. How do you do it?

I don't know if I should be spreading the message if people don't... Well, what if it's for an inhaler? That's important. I don't know if I should be spreading the message if people don't. Well what if it's for an inhaler that's important? I don't know if I also have the right technique. I don't know if I'm like doing it right but I didn't used to inhale when I would smoke weed or like my parents don't listen to this podcast. My parents are the only people I wouldn't want them to know this but I did kind of become a low-key like I smoked slims when I lived in Copenhagen. Oh you used to smoke cigarettes? Yeah, and that, when I look back at that time, I'm like, oh my God, I didn't smoke a lot,

but I like had... You had a face. Yeah, cause that's okay. Was it part of your persona? Who were you being there? That's a great question. Who were you? Who am I?

I was, oh, I, that was a chaotic year. Dark time? Like, dark from the outside, maybe no one, I mean, that's when I got hit by the car in Berlin. I definitely just had a chaotic year. Dark time. Dark from the outside, maybe no one, I mean that's when I got hit by the car in Berlin. I definitely just had a drinking issue, but I was so fun that people, I don't think, and everyone was so drunk around me that no one really knows, but when I think back,

I'm like, I think my parents were genuinely worried for my safety. They should have been because you got hit by a car. Yes, if I would have been my mom, I would have been too. But it was very formative. Like it was my first time being on my own and after the car accident, I was like, I have to re-examine my life.

I don't think the SYNC Squad knows about the car accident. The car accident? I think you should maybe tell. So Tim, my really good friend who I was in Copenhagen with, whose wedding I'm going to in August. Yes, congrats Tim. Yes, Tim stayed in Copenhagen, literally since we've been there,

since we're 19 and is now getting married. So Tim and I were out. We decided to go to Berlin for the weekend. So fun. On like a boat. I just remember like a ferry of sorts. And how old were you? I was 19.

Yeah, so second or third year of college. And we go to Berlin. I mean, this was also like run of the mill. Like we would be, every night was 10 out of 10, like craziness. Obviously drunk, but like drugs? No, I never did drugs. Maybe there were other people doing drugs,

but not to like paint Danish people with like a broad brush. But it is like, you can drink open can, open air, like, and drinking it's very much a part of the culture. And so we were just raging and like costumes and like, I don't know, just meeting. It was so fun. Yeah, I met this guy called King, which was like my version of Big. He ruined my life. But I got an apology text like six months ago from him.

Yeah, it was really sweet actually. He was like, I'm sorry we follow each other on Instagram and he sees some of the Man Enough stuff. And so he was like, I didn't know myself and I was so afraid of the feelings I had. Anyway, it was really sweet. That's beautiful. Have you ever had a...

A mens? A mens. A mens. A mens. Has anyone made amends to me like that? Yeah. No. Or like reached out now that you're, I don't know. A men's. A men's. Has anyone made amends to me like that? Yeah. No.

Or like reached out now that you're, I don't know, I feel like there's also a thing of once you're more public, people, I don't know, are like, oh, I shouldn't have said that. No. No. I don't think so. I don't read my DMs. Oh, that's... That's probably for the best.

No, but that's interesting. I don't think I've made one either. It's probably karmically why no one's made for the best. You know, but that's interesting. I don't think I've made one either. That's probably karmically why no one's made one to me. No, I mean, maybe you didn't do anything horrible to anybody. No, like the little girl who had a big mole. Oh my god. So bad. But we all made fun of someone with a big mole. I have a person that comes to mind. Maybe I should make a minstrel heart. Oh my god, do you think that it's ubiquitous that everyone's made fun of someone with a big mole. I have a person that comes to mind. Maybe I should make a minstrel.

Oh my God, do you think that it's ubiquitous that everyone's made fun of someone with a big mole? A big mole, someone's weight, you know? It was also the 90s. I know. That was fair game. I mean, in a way that I really hope it's not now. It also came, so it was me and a friend, and it also came back to us.

The mom found out she was the bus driver. This was such a nightmare. And we had to apologize. I think we also first tried to lie to get out of it. How? What was the lie? Exactly. I don't think it, I think there was like no way to get out of it.

I think we said somebody else said it maybe, but we weren't specific about who. Like we weren't throwing anyone under her mom's bus. Yeah. But I do think we tried to get out of it. But I remember this extremely uncomfortable conversation with the mom, and I do think we apologized. So that was in the moment. But the thing is, some of men's are tricky

because I would never want to find that girl with the big mole and be like, hey, sorry, because she might be like, what? And then get re-upset. That's a really good question. I think depending on how traumatic it was, but you're right, is bringing it up. I think about this all the time with everything, just with grief or with like, do you bring up the thing that's hard for the person to let them know that you,

or do you just let Just let it go. And so that they're not... They can move on. They can move on and they're not thinking about it. I mean, I've never had an amend that I didn't appreciate. I had like my bully, the bully that had to like change schools because of reach out. It was like right when I started going on MSNBC,

like sent me this really sweet message. Again again very similar of like short and kind. I mean it doesn't make you want to go like let's go get coffee but there is something nice about it but maybe that's just me. How would you feel if you got a message from Dairy Queen? I think you're right it's only positive because even if yeah as you say you're not like oh well let's be best friends now it provides some optimism for humanity. It's like, oh, people have the ability to recognize their wrongdoings and try to make it better.

Like, that's the best we can do. I guess I'll publicly make amends here because I don't know how to find that girl at all. I've no... Okay, yes, great. I was just awful. It was so mean. Obviously I was an insecure kid who, you know, at that age,

and even for a lot of people forever, like, you just get so much pleasure in bringing other people down because you feel bad about yourself. But it was so mean. And like, everyone's doing it. It's like a way to also connect with others, unfortunately. I remember there are things that I, yeah, people that I laughed

at or things that I, and when I that I laughed at or things that I... And when I look back, I'm like, I didn't really care about that characteristic, right, or that thing. Yeah. But I definitely went along with it in order to, yeah, be part of the group. Be part of the group. Well, it's also like middle school, high school age, where your social circle is life or death. And if you are just standing there not laughing

or going along with it, you'll be kicked out. Cause then you'll make them feel bad and they don't want that. And it feels less bad because there's something about it being like, I don't know, probably a behavioral. Or it feels objective because everyone's doing it. And it's obviously not.

And the dispersion, is that the word, of responsibility because it's not a one-on-one thing. You're just kind of one more person. They're already doing it. It's tough. Okay, so King. Yes, I met him. So there's this thing called,

if there's any Danish people listening, Fesahorn. Basically like festival, which is the Danish Halloween. I can't remember what it is, but it's not on Halloween. And just everyone dresses up full on costumes everywhere. And you love costumes. I love costumes. Everyone knows this about you. I know why I'm bringing this up, because I met him not even

on that holiday, but he was fully dressed as a king out, like, just at a bar. And his friend was dressed as, like, a cow. Which, again, so my type, immediately we're hanging out. And so I met him that night, and then we found each other on Facebook. And then it just is that core relationship in your 20s that devastates you and sort of just rips you apart. And he was just emotionally unavailable.

And then any time I tried to break up with him, he would just be like, no, but I like you. And then I'd be like, okay, but, and then I couldn't put down boundaries and be like no I think back it's like so early 20s core for me anyways of just being kind of insecure and not knowing my worth and I Would hang out with all of his guy friends and they would fully speak Danish These higher time and I would just kind of like sit there and it just was so ridiculous But then I worked at the Hard Rock Cafe.

I got a job as a hostess where his best, one of his best friends worked. And then we started dating. Oh! But like fully loved. Like he moved to Montreal for me afterwards. And then we were like in a full-blown relationship for like two years. So in the end, we were friendly. But yes, I think back at that time and I'm like... And again, I was watching Sex and the City for the first years. So in the end, we were friendly, but yes, I think back at that time and I'm like, and again, I was watching Sex and the City

for the first time. Which I blame for everything. Talk about life-ruiner. 100%. But also so fun and so aspirational. How different do you think the world would be? If there wasn't that show? If she had chosen Hayden.

Oh my God. How many of us would have made different choices? That's a great philosophical question. I love that. Did you like Aidan? I did. Me too. He was my favorite.

Me too. What did you think about Big? This is my pattern, I realized. And this is like Friday Night Lights, all of these shows where there's like a quote bad boy, which in this case, Big is the bad boy, weirdly. But I never liked them at first. Like I'm very clear that they're bad and toxic

and I can see it. And so I'm not attracted to that at all. But then by the end, I am. And that's bad, I get. Or it's not bad, but it's definitely a pattern. It was the same way with Bright Night Lights. I was full blown Saracen girl. Have you watched it? I get. Or it's not bad, but it's definitely a pattern. It was the same way with Bright Night Lights. I was full-blown Saracen girl. Have you watched it?

I have. Yes, I was a full-blown Saracen girl. Everyone was a Riggins girl, and I was like, what the fuck are you guys talking about? He's a burnout? Like, what are you seeing here? But then, of course, by the end of that show, I was fully in love with Riggins, and I was not really as in love with Saracen.

He was, like, too sweet and golden retriever. Okay, I saw like a controversial post that was like, he's not a golden retriever, he's just dumb. Well, duh. That's what it is. I know, but I feel like people aren't being honest about it. Well, I'm probably gonna get in trouble. Because I said that.

To me, that's been obvious. Because what we're saying is they don't push back really, and they're just there to like cuddle and be kind. But I think if you are a smart person, smart means so many things, by the way, but I think if you are a smart person and a thoughtful person, you do have opinions, you do push back, you engage in a way and a thoughtful person, you do have opinions, you do push back, you engage in a way that a golden retriever does not. Which is why that is not for me.

So it gives you the egg. Golden retriever is not for me. If that's like, actually I don't want just someone to sit there. I mean, I do love hair play, so I would love if they did hair play on me. But I want engagement, I do love hair play, so I would love if they did hair play on me. But I want engagement. I want challenge. That's, to me, the only reason of having a partner.

To be challenged. No, there's a trust and a love, but I don't want complacency at all. And I don't want to be pacified. Of course I want support, but not blanketly. No. For me, because I just don't need that. I think the unicorn guys do both, though. Yeah, of course. That's the goal. Yes, because I think the whole black cat,

golden retriever thing, I think both are extremes on each end of a spectrum. And in a perfect world, the people who have both. Like, I saw this, oh my God, it was like the quadrant of dating, but I'm gonna do it wrong. It was like the two axes, or evil and kind. Sorry, smart and then evil. So smart and then not smart, or dumb.

And then evil and then kind. And they were like, the dumb and they were like the dumb and kind are like the golden retrievers like they're kind of silly but they can't really do that much harm then there's the unicorns which are like kind and smart which are I think the guys that we're talking about but like who doesn't want that what it was interesting is then the lower left quadrant is dumb and evil. And they were like, that's sort of like the guys who have narcissistic tendencies, but

they're not full psychos because they're not smart enough to manipulate you. And then the evil and smart are like the death. Those are the worst. Yeah. And then it was like guitar players who hate themselves. That's what they said. Oh my god, that's really funny. And I kind of feel like that was math that I needed to see laid out. Support for Sync'd comes from Vegamore.

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That's good math. Honestly, I think that's math for women as well. Yeah. I think that's just people. People land in there. I mean, I won't speak for everyone, but I think the goal is to be smart and kind if you can. Yeah, if you can, as much as possible. Yeah.

And those people are great. And sometimes in your life, I think maybe it's not immutable. So for you, how would you rank myself? No, oh, a partner, like who you'd want. Obviously you want smart and kind first. Yeah. Now, if that's unavailable, what are you picking?

Kind and dumb, for sure. I just don't want, because I've had the two lower ones and it's life-ruining for me. Or I've let it ruin my life. Well, evil and dumb. But I prefer evil and dumb. Over smart and dumb. Smart and dumb.

I mean, smart and evil. I'm sorry, smart and evil. Which one have you encountered the most? Not for partnerships for me, but in my life, I have a lot of smart and kind, which is very lucky. But yeah, I know I have smart and evil for sure. For sure, for sure. And I don't have dumb and evil.

There's just nothing that would draw me there. Even though in theory, I think you're right that for partnership that would be above smart and evil, but I'm never gonna fall into that. That's not interesting. At all. That you're not smart, so we're not talking. And you're bad.

There's just nothing. There's no redeemable. Exactly. For me, at least smart and evil is I'm intrigued by how smart they are. Right. Minimally. But I would do dumb and kind second.

Yeah. I would, I think. Because also, you can get smarter. I'm getting worried that's not true, that you're going to take evil and smart. Smart. Wow. Interesting.

I mean, I don't want that to be true, and I have that ability to choose, but okay. Let's say, I think ideally, smart, kind, kind, dumb, evil, dumb, smart, evil. But what my attraction is is smart, kind, first, then smart, then smart evil. Oh. Then. Right.

Honestly, maybe. Really? Maybe evil dumb after that. I find evil people psychologically interesting. Like, wow, what's going on? Like, how'd they get the, it's just more interesting for me. Yeah, of course.

But the smart evil people are really good at not appearing evil That's the lore and that's what will ruin your life because that's don't know they're evil Well, he know he was like dumb. He was kind of Dumb and dumb. I wasn't he was evil. I just think he was like didn't know but he was just like a hot 21-year-old guy, you know? And I think he was traumatized because he had moved from the States. He was American, actually, but lived in Denmark his whole life. And he moved when he was like six or seven. And then he was like, yeah, I don't remember anything about my life before.

And then I was like, don't you think that's weird? And he was like, I don't know. Like, there was definitely trauma there and definitely no thing. Yeah. But I've dated definitely dumb and evil. You have? The person I was dating when we did Race to 35

was evil and smart. Evil and smart, no, but you just said dumb and evil. And then dumb and evil was the one before that. Really? Yeah, he would do manipulative things, but then not be smart enough to cover it up. And so it was deeply unsettling. It was so obvious, but troubling to the level of honesty that he would disclose about his

dishonesty. I don't know. Like basically he was very honest about his dishonesty, which was very, I'd never experienced something like that. And you don't think that was smart? Maybe it was smart, but no, it was like constantly being lied to and then him not being smart enough to cover it up. Almost like he would forget that he was lying and so he would just say things that were, I don't know,

it was, I'd never experienced something like that. It was very disorienting. Yes. I think maybe there are times in your life where you're dumb and evil. Of course. Or you're smart and evil. And you can move through the quadrants, I hope, all of us,

and maybe they're in a different place now. Only because you've said it three times, so now I do feel the need. Say it again. Oh, quadrant. Is it quadrant? Quadrant. Quadrant.

Yeah. Okay. Quadrant. Quadrant. Quad. Quad. Oh, quadrant. Yeah.

Okay. Quad means four. And. Quad. Quad. Oh, quadrant. Yeah. Okay. Quad means four. And it means this muscle. And it means like a dorm, doesn't it? Like the quads? Oh.

Or like a place? Yeah. I think a quad sounds college-y dorm. Or like a common area, the quad. Yeah, like in college. But it also means four. In high school, we had a group of friends, there was four of us, and we were called the quad. Oh, like in college. But it also means four. In high school, we had a group of friends, there's four of us, and we were called the quad. Oh, that's cute. It was really cute. Was it poor

girls? Mm-hmm. That's adorable. Okay, sorry. So back to the accident. Oh, God. King was a part of the accident? No, I mean, he was just part of that era. Oh, okay. Just like, I'm dating this guy who, it's those stories of like, I remember once literally settling for hooking up with him and then him, like me, out drunk and being like, I'm coming over and then getting to his house and he does not answer. Oh. And then two days later, it's like, sorry my phone died. Oh.

Like truly the most and then I probably still wanted to be with him. Right. You know what I mean? Like it was just one of those like wow No, so I was on a night out crazy night out with Tim We went to this gay bar gay party and then we done famously Red Bull vodkas, which I'd never done before Okay, so it was 4 a.m. They were like we're leaving and I was like no like then the night must continue We'd met these guys or something. Or like, it was like friends of friends,

and they wanted to keep going. So they're like, let's go to this party. I mean, Berlin is so fun. Where like, you have to like give a password and you're suddenly like, what feels like in someone's like living room, but it's like a bar. Like, just like DJing as underwear. So I get there.

I'm hanging out with these people I just met. Eventually, they leave. And it's at that point probably at 6 a.m. And I'm like, no, we must continue. So then I'm like, at this party, again, we met people there. This is where I'm like, people should have been worried for my safety. Like, none of this is safe. So definitely don't do this if you're...

And so then I'm hanging out with these people, I met at this party, I'm still drinking. And then it's like 7 a.m. I'm like, I gotta go. I met at this party. I'm still drinking and then it's like 7 a.m I'm like I gotta go I say goodbye to these guys I've met I walk out and the last thing I remember was I really Want a China box which was this Asian food truckie you get like chow mein. Oh, yeah, it was great so I was thinking about that and Nothing else and then one thing leads to another, and I literally got hit by this flower van that was out, I guess, that morning.

I am on the ground. Do you have any memory of what it felt like? Not really. Like, I didn't see it. Just suddenly I was on the ground. And then I guess the guys who I'd met at the party heard the accident, and so they came back. One of them hugged me or something,

and I was like crying in this guy's arm. And then I... So I did like stand up. They said like, can we help you? Like, I was like, I just want to go home, I just want to go home. I guess there was a cab. I get in the cab, and I'm just sitting there. The next thing I see is an ambulance, like a attendant opens the door of the cab,

and he's like, can you come with us? And I was like, okay. And then I get in the ambulance, and then I'm going to the... And then I call Tim, I tell him I got hit. And then he thought I'd gotten into like a bar fight. Oh, oh, because... Oh, Jesus. (*BOTH LAUGHING*)

And he's so drunk too. Like, like two just awful, two 19-year-old idiots. And then he comes to the hospital. The entire hospital experience is a movie. Somehow it's empty. And it's just me and Tim. I'm dressed in like full purple leggings. Like I'm dressed like I'm wearing this neck brace. There's like these photos actually from it. The nurse who's taking care of us for some reason has this like thick southern accent. Southern American accent? Southern American accent. Oh my God.

He's like, you had a fun night. So gay. It was so funny and weird. And then I just remember like a bunch of x-rays and tests. And then they were like, gave me pain medication and were like, just get rest. So nothing broke? Nothing broke.

I had whiplash, so I had major headaches for a few weeks. But they didn't charge me anything. That's the best part of this story is health care, the German system, and just anything that's not America. Thank you. And I went back to work. Maybe I took a few days, and then we boarded this ferry back to Copenhagen, I guess. Maybe to a bus to Copenhagen. Oh yeah, you're on vacation this whole time.

Well no, I'm living in Copenhagen, but yes, we were just in Berlin for the weekend. Right. In like a youth hostel. And then we're on this ferry of sorts with like a bunch of families. There was a buffet and we stole the buffet money. So like we just got like free food

and we were really happy about that. And that's it. But then, yeah, I totally lied to my family. I was like, oh, I was out at dinner. I didn't say this happened at 7 a.m. and like drunk out of my mind. I remember being like, this is very bad. I could have died. And then again, this is sad, but like I didn't stop drinking.

I kind of told myself I would and then I didn't. And in many ways, like I really was self-medicating Like, 100% undiagnosed anxiety, OCD. Like, and like, drinking helped me so much. Like, I still remember the first time I got drunk. I wasn't even into drinking, and I was kind of scared of all of that. But I remember, like, being at a party and accidentally kind of getting drunk,

and then being like, oh, my God, the noise stopped. All of a sudden, I'm at peace. And so it just became this amazing medicine for me in a very not great way that created other problems. Right. That's so interesting because the way you just described it is the way so many addicts describe it. It's like the first time I drank, I knew this was a feeling I wanted to keep having. And quiet the noise is a very specific way of saying it. But then by the time I met you, I feel like you drank, but respond like you never...

Yeah, I think two things happened. One thing was work replaced it for me. So one time, honestly, I moved to New York and there was so many exciting opportunities. I just worked weekends and it definitely quieted the noise in a different way. And also I couldn't drink because I wouldn't be able to work a full day or whatever. And then I also think my body, like I can't metabolize it.

And I think like that's literally a gift from the universe where I don't feel well when I drink. And I think again, like I knew it metabolize it. And I think that's literally a gift from the universe, where I don't feel well when I drink. And I think, again, I knew it was an issue. You know, when the guy choked me on that date, I had had a few drinks. Again, I didn't do anything to do that. I didn't do that. But I just realized when I'm drinking,

there are things that happen that I don't like. And then I think last summer, when I had those unrelated health issues where I really needed to stop completely. It was hard, but I think it was like a gift from the universe, because I was like, oh, I can do this. And it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be, which was really nice. But in my 20s, I definitely had some, not interventions,

but like friends talking to me, and I think that would like... I never received it really well, but I think it affected me, where I was like, okay, this is something I need to think about. Interesting. Did you ever feel like you had an issue with drinking? Yeah. I still wonder a little bit. I mean, not...

I don't think the amount is ever problematic. How much I'm drinking in a time. But the frequency can be a little like when I really look at it, or if I have to answer when the doctor is like, how many drinks per week? Then I feel that's a lot. But it is very confusing because for the most part, I mean every now and then no,

but I'm very in control. It's like two drinks and it's fun. And it's, I've never been like, I gotta keep going. 7 a.m., like, I've never been that. So it's a gray area. Like, I think drinking in general is gray. It's not good for you. It's just straight up not good for you.

It is poison. So why are we doing it is a question that anyone who drinks sort of has to ask themselves, I think. What I have stopped doing, and I don't miss this, is drinking alone. If I'm here and like, you know, I would like watch TV and have a glass of wine, which feels fine, right?

But I think I decided to cut that out because then it was just, that's when it becomes habitual. That's my issue with it actually, is more that it just quickly becomes habit as opposed to like, oh my God, I get out of control or this happens or these are the consequences. It's none of that. It's just like, oh boy, like this is a habit. I've been doing this every day, you know?

Yeah. So that's the thing I have to monitor is when it's Transitioned into just like well, I'm just doing it because I do it not because I want to have fun or have a glass of wine With pasta. Yeah to me it became clear That like when I don't want to do it. I can't not do it. That was the thing for me It was like, oh, this is a problem, right? That's interesting. And so I don't know if you've ever felt that, right? Like, I feel like if you don't want to drink,

you don't drink. Yeah, I don't. And you know what's also interesting is I don't really drink much at parties. Like, I'll normally have a drink in my hand and I'll take like some sips of it. But I don't like getting drunk at parties, like, which is where most people feel the need.

It's like a social lubricant. Yeah. I don't have that. You don't. I don't really need it for that at all. I prefer it in an intimate environment. Oh, that's so funny. And what does it provide you in an intimate environment?

Like what do you like about it? There's something like ritualistic about it that I think is lovely. Just like, everyone's just sipping on this thing. And I've said this before, but I think for me, it plays with time in such a very interesting way, where it slows it down and speeds it up in ways I like. So I think that's what it is. Like, when I wasn't drinking, I would be at a place for 30 minutes, and I was like,

well, I think it's time for me to go home now. Like, I felt like I had done it. I don't know, time felt so slow for a while. And I guess it depended on the situation. When you weren't drinking? When I wasn't. Yeah, it feels like I've been here for five hours, but I've been here for a half hour.

Whereas if I'm drinking, time is, like, warped. And I'll be like, oh my god, we've been here for a half hour. Whereas if I'm drinking, time is like warped. And I'll be like, oh my God, we've been here for four hours. That's so fun. I don't know. I don't know. It's weird. I know what you mean though, because I feel that on a social level. Now that I'm not really drinking like if I'm at a social event, time does go slower. You're more alert, you're more conscious. So you're aware conscious, so you're aware of every conversation you're having, of every lull in the, of everything around you, right? And when you're drinking, it's just things fade, right? Yeah.

So I know what you mean. And also being in a social situation takes a lot of energy. Obviously some situations more than others, but I never thought about it that way. You put it really well. It does change time. I've been thinking lately about why am I in such a rush? Yeah, that's a great question. 2037 was like harder than other numbers for some reason. And I was like, I'm running out of time, running out of time. And I was like, why don't I make time go slower then? If I'm so worried about time moving fast,

like why don't I slow it down? And not that we can slow down time, but it's all a perception anyways. The mentality, anyways. Instead of getting more activated and like go go go I got to do all these things before time runs out it's like why don't I do things more slowly so that time actually passes less fast. Yeah that's interesting I like that. Because yeah time feels out of our hands obviously but it's not. I like the whole package. Oh fun Okay, let's do a few questions. We didn't get to your cheerleader pen.

Oh my God, we'll come back to it next week. The listeners should watch the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders show so that they're caught up for when we talk about it. Okay, how to get my father-in-law to not call me honey is from Alex. I was struggling with this tonight and I thought about who to ask

and I thought to ask the SYNC Squad. My father-in-law was visiting this past weekend and he called me honey and then asked if it was okay. In the moment, my people-pleasing, non-confrontational self just said yes, but really I'm not comfortable with it. We aren't close and I generally don't care much for any man calling me honey.

How do I let him know I don't like it?" Oh, I relate. Ew. Yeah. What would you do? It's so sad, but I would just, like, suck it up, but I don't think that's the right... I agree. I would do the same.

I would just, like, compartmentalize it and hate it, but I don't think that's the right advice. Absolutely not. I mean, come up with a new nickname. Like, focus on the positive. Instead of saying what he can't do, with a new nickname, like focus on the positive. Instead of saying what he can't do, create a fun nickname for him to do.

Like, how about this instead? Yeah, nicknames can literally just happen from a conversation. So like next time you have a conversation, hopefully something comes up where, let's say he's like, you make chocolate cake, like, oh, why don't you call him? Don't let him call you chocolate,

that's not better than honey. But like, yeah, I would give him a new... A chocolate gate. Or, you know what I would do? Definitely being direct is better, but you could also talk to your partner. Yeah. And then say like, I said that, I don't feel comfortable.

So maybe you can say... You can talk to him. You can call her honey. Like I'm like, not even making it about her, but saying like, oh, call her something else. Not say that you talk to him or anything like that, but say like, it's a little weird. I kind of like that.

Also, if you do want to have a direct conversation, you could say, I appreciate so much that you asked me, and it's my fault that I said yes to this. I don't really know why I did that, because it does make me sort of uncomfortable. So can we pick something else? And so like, you're taking responsibility that you gave permission for this.

I think the fear is to create embarrassment for him, because that's uncomfortable for everyone. But I think if you're like, you did the right thing. You asked me, and then I fucked it up. Yeah. Now that it's happened a few times, I actually do feel kind of weird about it. Yeah.

And you can say, like, because my dad calls me that, or because John calls me that. You can give a reason maybe. 100%. And it doesn't have to be real. Yeah. I think all of those options are good. You're not stuck with this.

You're not honey for the rest of your life. Oh, God. And it just happened, which is great. If it had been a year or longer and he's been calling you this forever, there's no muscle memory. Like he'll choose a new thing. Yeah. What's your favorite pet name?

Well, that's such a good question. Well, I've told you this. I've always wanted people to call me chips and no one does it. And I'm sad about it. But I like monkey a lot because I loved monkeys when I was little. Yeah, that's good. And no one has really called me monkey either. So let's make these things catch on.

What would be your preferred pet name? Well, monkey is I think very cute, but maybe no one's done it because to me that's what I would call a kid. I call it Delta Monkey. So maybe if it's like a romantic partner that feels a little childlike. And so that's like less romantic. But aren't all pet names a little childlike? I guess so.

I guess you're right. They are. Huh. Pudding is also cute. I wouldn't hate pudding. Wow. That one's a... That's a deep cut. Ha ha ha.

It is more ubiquitous than chips. For sure. I mean, chips is more like, I just want it to be my nickname. It's more of a like, I just want to be, I want people to refer to me as chips. Okay. I can try. Your face. It just doesn't seem natural, but I'll try for you.

Okay, thanks. Sync to Supported by Quince. Okay, it's summertime, there are trips happening, and I like having a specific summer wardrobe for my specific trips, because sometimes there's themes, sometimes you make a summer theme, you kind of want to look like flirty and fun, and I like to look like bright and colorful. So I like to replan my closet a bit. And Quince is such a great place to go to because it has high quality vacation essentials.

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Go to quince.com slash sync for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's quince.com slash sync to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com slash sync. What about you? I like, it feels embarrassing to say. No, it's so- I'm trying though. No, but it's asking for what you want.

Yeah. It's weird that this feels very vulnerable to say. But I like baby. Okay. In theory, I like baby. Okay. In theory, I like sweetheart a lot, but I don't know if I would like it in practice. Why? Tell me more. Because it's so long.

Too many syllables, maybe? Really? No, it's not the same amount of syllables. I don't know why. Is it too sweet for you? Maybe? Maybe. Sweetheart is too sweet for you? Maybe. Maybe. Sweetheart is too sweet.

You're right. It is that. It's too sugary or something. You want something with a little bit more edge. Yeah, but I think I want it to be unique to the relationship. Molly and Eric call each other Mister. And it's so cute. It's such a cute little pet name. Yeah.

That they got created somehow, you know, out of just like some funny conversation or something. I don't know how it happened, but that's the ideal. For sure. Yeah, I had a pet name from my ex. I call them Little Toast, and it was from like a random... Oh my god. But it was from... We both were high and joking, and like for some reason it just became like

you're a little, like I think it was like you're so cute, you're like a little toast like I wanna eat you and then it just, he just became little toast. And then it was just a whole, and only we got it. And did you call him that full thing? Yeah. Wow, cause I feel like if I was you and I, there was that funny joke, it's so funny. It would start off as little toes and then it would probably turn into toes and then it would turn into like toasty.

It would be more. It would be cum, right. Maybe we weren't together long enough for it to evolve. I'm trying to think of the people around me, what they call each other. Kristen and Dax do a lot of hun and honey. I think Ryan and Amy do a lot of babe. Yeah. It's weird that I like baby over babe.

I know, I really want to focus on that. Yeah. It is weird. That's the sweetest. I mean, sweetheart and baby. I know. Baby's even more, maybe you need it to go hard, like on each extreme.

You don't want the in-betweens. Maybe sweetheart isn't sweet enough. Maybe that's what's happening. I think it is pretty telling because I'm like strong and I'm independent. You know, I feel fine on my own and all that's really true. But I also like protection. Yeah, me too.

And I like feeling safe with someone. And so baby is a little bit of like, a baby is only there to be taken care of. They need protection. Someone calling you that is like, I'm here to protect you. Okay. So I think that's why I like it.

And would you call them baby too? Huh. Yeah, probably when they're sick and when they're feeling... So it goes both ways. Yeah, but I don't know that that would be my constant nickname, but it would be in moments of tenderness, I think. You know what I mean?

I do. I also say love a lot. Like I say that to the girls a ton, even friends. Like that's a common one that just pops out of my mouth. So I bet that's what I would be doing. It's so fun to have little pet names. It is fun. Chips.

Chippies. Chippies. You don't have to do it. It could be a separate one. I'm going to see how it feels next week. It's cute because it's you. Chips is very you. But I think it's hard to give yourself one.

It's not how it works. And that's why it hasn't caught on. If I just kind of like approached it in a different way, but because I've been overt, it's never gonna happen, which is fine. It's fine. Okay, this one's quick. Necklace with my husband's initial cute or tacky. This is from M. Dear Monica and Liz, I love your podcast and appreciate all the style tips and advice you share. I have a question about jewelry trends and would love your opinion. I've been seeing some really cute initial jewelry lately and was thinking about getting a necklace with my husband's initial on it. I know some people wear jewelry

with their own names or their kids' names. I don't have kids. And I think it could be a sweet sentimental piece to wear occasionally. Do you think this is a cute idea or is it a bit tacky? I'd love to hear your thoughts. I love it. I love it too. I think it's really sweet. Also, if you love it and you like the way it feels on your body, who cares what people think?

And if they think it's tacky, you don't. Exactly. And you like it. I have friends who their wedding rings is their partner's name. Engraved. Or it's like a ring that says something. Or like the ring is the letters of each other's names.

Interesting. And I think that's so cute. He has like a Lisa ring. It's so sweet. That's sweet. Also, do you know there's a common trend for a while that has the partner's fingerprint on the inside of the wedding band?

No. Which I think is very sweet. Aw. So fun. It is fun. Do whatever you want. You're in love. I know. It is fun. Do whatever you want. You're in love. I know.

Do whatever the fuck you want. Enjoy it. I agree. Yeah. Didn't Travis Kelce have Taylor's initials? He showed up with a bullying doubt. Oh, really? Taylor Swift.

Yeah, TS. Oh. Necklace. After there was an engagement, Matt Healy, Matt Healy got engaged. Oh. And whatever. The timing maybe is not on purpose. Oh, wow. But around that time hit. And whatever. The timing maybe is not on purpose.

Oh, wow. Around that time. Okay. It's interesting timing. But for them, they could just do T. It's also them. It's so perfect. I know. T and T. You know, their one year anniversary is really close to SYNC's one year anniversary. Oh my god. Of course. Of course it is.

It all just happened. I wonder what they're going to do for it. If they're going to. I wonder what they're going to do for it. If they're going to do what paper thing they're going to do for each other. Right. Because we have to do a paper thing. Right, we do. For next week, right? Oh god, okay, we have to do a gift out of paper.

Yeah, but we're going to ask people to give us ideas. But yeah, I think we should do a gift out of paper. Okay, well that was so easy. Wear the necklace, love the necklace. I think it's beautiful and sweet. And if people have opinions, that's their problem. They're just jealous, probably. Probably, yeah, I am. That sounds lovely.

It's so cute. Yeah, okay, let's do one more. Haven't received an invite to one of my best friend's weddings. This from Vicky. Hi, Monica and Liz, thank you for taking the time to read this as I'm not sure what to do in this situation or who to go to.

One of my best guy friends is getting married less than three months from now and I still haven't received an invitation. He was at my bridal party when I got married two years ago. He's been telling me about the planning and bachelor party he had and mentioned that the wedding is gonna be small. Is that a hint that I'm not getting invited?

I saw one of our mutual friends and he asked if I was going and mentioned that the wedding is gonna be small, is that a hint that I'm not getting invited? I saw one of our mutual friends and he asked if I was going and mentioned how he received a save the date, which I did not get either. My husband thinks I should straight up ask him where's my invite, but I feel like if I'm not getting invited then there must be a reason for it. Should I just let the wedding happen and ask after? To be honest, I'm a little bit hurt

as we've been friends since we were 12, what should I do? This is a tricky situation. My guess is if you know that Save the Dates went out, yeah, you're probably not invited. And I understand wanting to know what, well, first of all, I wish you wouldn't talk about it in front of you. That's not that nice.

But also maybe there's a reason that she can't know. We don't know the details, but my hope would be that what he said is probably true. They're probably keeping it super small and weddings are fucking expensive and there's two people, not just him, who knows why. I think you have to take whatever he says at face value. I think so too. Again, as a person who's not been to a lot of weddings, but from an outsider's perspective, 99% of weddings are about money.

That's my perception that the decisions, even I was struggling, I had two weddings this summer and I just couldn't afford to go to both of them. And so I was riddled with anxiety about having to tell or just, I felt that it was such a rejection or an emotional, like I'm choosing one over the other and it means this whole thing. And at one point I was just like, oh, this is just a financial decision. And I had to have so many conversations with so many friends, but they were like,

people know that when they do weddings far away, like there's always like, we understand if you can't make it. So I think the other way around is also true, right? Obviously if it was just an emotional decision, I'm sure you would be invited, but this is probably literally a financial one where there's just limited spots.

They have a budget, so he's had to make some hard decisions. I don't think we should read into weddings. And again, I've been to weddings where I was invited, but someone else who I felt they were even closer to wasn't invited, what goes into those decisions? There's so many things. There are so many. Basically, like, whether you're invited to someone's wedding

is not a measure of your friendship, I think. Yeah, that's healthy. Even though it's totally normal to be hurt when you're expecting something and that doesn't happen. I mean, for all you know, again, like, maybe the wife has jealous. Like, not that I'm saying that this is a thing, but there could be a mil...

Like, it is not... To take that decision and to create a reason that you've made up in your head is just gonna cause you... Yeah. And you have no idea. And I don't know about confronting the person. I just think this is a, you're probably not going to the wedding. Or maybe sometimes you get, I mean, a last-minute thing,

because aunt whatever can't make it, so you never know. But for now, I think I would assume like you're not going. Yeah. Make peace with that. Yeah, make peace with it. Yeah. Again, it's really easy to say this, but like to not take this personally and to like create a meaning that's a story you've created in your mind based on the information that you

have that's probably not true. Yeah, I agree. Okay, well, I think that's it for today. We will be back next week. We're going to talk DCC and everything around it. And it's our anniversary. So we're going to have presents or something. We're going to have something.

Something. Yeah. See you then. Bye. Bye.