Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Synced: Fair Use Guy

Episode Date: June 26, 2024

In this episode of Synced, Liz and Monica practice for Miss USA, Liz shares her fears surrounding perimenopause, and they discuss how new porn trends reflect current culture. They answer listener questions on toilet phobias, the ethics of an anonymous vibrator control link, and the value of a 'warm-up date'. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi. Hello. We're zoomed again. We're zooming. We're zooms. Tell us where you are. I feel like I'm at a Miss America contest or something, and it's like, tell us where you're from. And what I wish for the world. Yeah. What's the change you wish for the world? Okay. So, hi, my name is Liz Plank.

I'm in New York City, and the change I wish to see in the world. Oh my God. There's so many things I want to see. I would love to see more parades, just in general. Oh, can you elaborate? I feel like there's definitely set times for parades currently, like St. Patrick's Day parade and Pride parade, Halloween parade,

my favorite parade in New York City, although it happens in other cities, but the one in New York is very dramatic and amazing. I just think there should be more parades. We shouldn't have to have like a big reason or like a scheduled time in the calendar for there to be a parade. Everyone should just be able to join any parade, just like flash mobs basically is what I would

like. More flash mobs. Thank you, Liz. That's a very unique answer. I know that's what you want to. Please step back in line and we're going to ask our next contestant to come up to the stage. What would you want to see more of if you were running in Miss America? I mean, gun control. Which would help at the parades.

Honestly, of course, this is my stupid brain, but as soon as you said parades, first I thought, oh, that's cute and sweet and fun. And then immediately I thought, absolutely not. We can't have parades anymore, unfortunately, because mass shootings. It is sad when it happens at a parade. Oh, my god. Everyone's just trying to enjoy themselves. Yeah. So we should have gun control just for parade's sake.

Can we all unite around that? I do wonder if we spoke to the gun lobby and stuff, if it would work if we said, hey, maybe you guys haven't thought about this angle, but there might be more parades, actually, if there was gun control. Have you thought about that? I think Joe Biden listens to this podcast. I have like a feeling I've heard some rumors. So hopefully he's listening and things will trickle down.

It's more the NRA that needs to listen. Do you think we have any NRA members? Is there any NRA members? Shout out in the comments. I hope so. That would be great. I hope so, too. I hope so, too. Because they can make a difference. They could bring this up at the meetings. What if they had like a little at each meeting, do they meet? What the fuck happens at the NRA? Do you think they shoot guns at NRA meetings?

I've not heard of that happening, but it's actually shocking that it doesn't. Why hasn't there been a mass shooting at an NRA convention? Oh, we're getting dark. We don't want that. I know, we're going dark to light. Really.

We're just like. We're bouncing all over the place. Dipping in and out. Okay, so tell me about your trip. So you're back in New York City. I am back in New York City. It's amazing. Is it hot? It's hot, but not even too hot. But I're back in New York City. I am back in New York City. It's amazing. Is it hot?

It's hot, but not even too hot. But I also think I'm just biased. Like I just love New York. So I think I'd be in a pool of sweat and I just would be like enjoying myself. And it's been great. It's been great. How are you? I know that you, there's a lot going on for you preparing for the summer. Summer's coming up. Do you have a theme? Oh, God. No, the theme will present itself. I can you have a theme? Oh, God. No. The theme will present itself.

I can't force a theme. And we're not there yet. We're in, like, home stretch. So, BTS, normally we have a chunk of time in the summer where Dax goes on vacation. And so, we're still all working, but it's much lower key. And we are recording in the attic every day.

And it's a nice little break, and that's when Summer of Kara was born last year, and this year it will be Summer of question mark. I don't know, but I am excited about that. I have no travel plans, which is a first, and I'm thrilled. Although I am looking into maybe doing, like, a three-day close-by trip.

So Hillary Kerr, this amazing woman, she created Who What Where, and she has a great podcast called Second Life, and she runs Mary Claire. I don't know if she runs it, but she's like... I'm gonna say she runs it. Yeah, she's awesome, but she does a newsletter, and most recently she had this woman on who's

like a travel expert, and she was listing all these cool places to go and these cool hotels and I was getting a little bug in my bonnet. I'm sorry, bee in my bonnet. To go somewhere. Well, that's exciting, but you want to keep it local. Is that what you're feeling? I think so, because even though I love New York, anytime there's an opportunity, I do try to take it. But I think I just want to be.

Well, you've had a big year and also there's so much going on during the year for you that it does. I feel like you do enjoy LA or the outskirts in a way that's like different than when you work so much during the year. So it must be nice to do like a prolonged staycation. I think I'm going to attempt it. It's exciting. Yeah. What are the highlights of your trip? What have you done?

Who have you seen? What have you bought? Okay. So this is funny because it's related to our conversation about Radboy Summer and Hot Road and Boyfriend. So I basically did a lot of thinking around that and these trends are hilarious and it's interesting. I think there was a New York Times piece

that was sort of highlighting just the fact that we have so many trends that draw attention or sort of celebrate men's physical flaws, but we don't have the same trends when it comes to women's bodies, right? Like there's a dad bod craze, and the mom bod is not going viral in the way that the dad bod went viral.

So basically I was like sitting at my desk and I was like thinking like, what could I come up with that would be the equivalent for women? And so I came up with hot hamster girlfriend. Oh my God. As a trend. And I went to Washington Square Park and I kind of lied to men and told

them that men had invented this trend and like what did they think about it. I didn't say women like a woman came up with it what do you think about it I was like you know men are saying they love like a woman with a pouch that like has short feet and a little bit of fur that's nocturnal. Wait! No I literally, I took it far. And honestly, the men were so sweet. First of all, they were either like neutral to positive about it or extremely positive about it. But what are they getting?

You're a woman. I know I maybe have a tendency to give men the benefit of the doubt, but again, not all of the guys. There were definitely guys who were more like, uh, that you can just tell that they're not into the body positivity movement. But most of the guys, I swear to God, as soon as I started saying, like, hot hamster girlfriend, they were like, what are you... Like, that wasn't like... They weren't like, yay! But once I told them, like, you know, a little pooch

where she, like, stores food during the day. Oh, my God. Like, chunky cheeks, but in a hot way. They were like, that's my type. Like, more to grab and like, I like when there's fat. I don't like that we're just glamorizing skinny women. And I wasn't like prompting them to be feminist kings, but they did surprise me.

And then I, oh yeah, I was like, what do you think about hot back fat summer? I think I called it. Is that gender neutral or is that just for women? Just for women, like fat back baddies. We're celebrating back fat. we're celebrating love handles, and the men were down. And so I think that if we tell men that men invented it,

it will catch on and it'll be fixed. It is annoying that, come on guys, we keep giving you all of these names and trends. Well, that's right. Women are the ones who are saying Golden Retriever Boyfriend and Rap Boy Summer and all this stuff. Like we are inventing it. But this is, God, this is really quite interesting. I mean, I feel like I've heard many men say that in practice and in reality, they like a lot of different body types.

And I've heard this something to grab onto, which I don't... You don't like that. I don't not like it. I do buy it. I think that's true. I think this persona of model Finn is created by women also. Because of men, like I I do, it's all connected, but I do think we women have sort of, like, run away with that and decided, like, this is the look. The same as how men decide the more muscular,

the better is the look, because that's also for men, because men like that. And so they assume women like that. And that is not always the case at all. So, yeah, so it's complex, but the fur piece is interesting. BOTH LAUGH Although I guess I know what you mean. Like, we all have, like, unwanted hair,

and we feel the need to remove it, and maybe we shouldn't have to remove it. Maybe the men... Do you think men, any men, like, like a bunch of body hair on women? I think there are definitely men who do. Okay, this is bad to say. Do you think it's a kink?

Well, let's be honest. Pre-Sex on the City, if you looked at Playboy magazine, like women had full pubic hair and maybe not armpit hair, but even then, armpit hair is kind of like coming back. But what about arm hair? I have arm hair. I see zeroit hair, but even then, armpit hair is kind of like coming back. But what about arm hair? I have arm hair. I see zero arm hair, Liz. Well, I've had men leave me comments online, but I don't care. For me, arm hair is like eyebrows.

Like I'm like, you would never take off your eyebrows. That's what arm hair is to me. Oh, interesting. Totally normal. I get shaving your legs. Again, this is all personal, but arm, I'm like, it's my arm. Like... But it is weird.

Like, it's all arbitrary. Like, at some point, someone decided, probably in some magazine, that it was hot to shave your legs. Or like, maybe when women started wearing shorter dresses after the Victorian age or something, they started shaving. I don't know the origin story of leg shaving, but it is so random that we decided to do that. And so arms could just as well be that. But, you know, I have a whole history of arm hair

and being called a werewolf. Is that what they called me? Yeah, I think werewolf arms. And wow, that just spun me out into a lifetime of arm shaving, which I just did recently. So I don't do it as much anymore because I just forget. But sometimes I look and I'm like, oh, I could give it a little trim.

Do you think that the things that you were told when you were a teenager, like, do you think that you believe those things still to this day? Do you think that they shape your behavior? I guess this is exhibit A, right? Because that was devastating. You know, I always had to have shaved arms.

But then at some point I did grow up and I matured and I realized that that was very silly. And I'm sort of with you. I'm like, it's fucking arm hair, who cares? And I don't care intellectually, but something happens every now and then where I'll look down and I'll think like, oh, I gotta take that off. And then I do. So obviously it has had a lifetime

impact even though my values don't match my actions. Talk about being a woman. I mean, when I come across a woman whose values align with her actions in a hardcore way, like I think my mom is probably the closest thing to that. I just have so much admiration. It's hard not to bring up Ozempic, but, like, a lot of the conversation that feminists have been having around us, like, it's just the idea of, like,

can you be body positive and be on Ozempic? Like, that's still what you want to do, and you should do it, you know? And that's what feminism is, like, freedom of choice. Exactly. To do what's good for you. But there's always a little part of you that kind of knows, like, I wish I didn't care.

I wish this didn't guide my behavior. But these old things are hard to shake. That's what you know, all of EMDR, it's a whole form of therapy that's literally just you pay someone to not let your past memories or your interpretation of past memories guide your future. Our brains are so fragile. Oh my god. Kids are so fragile. Oh my god. Kids are so mean.

We had an expert on recently that was talking about grief and then he was doing a lot of deep dives on ways to overcome grief or deal with it or process it. And he stumbled across some new science that's early, early days, but removing memories. Wow. Yes. I want that. Wow. Yes. I want that. Okay, do you? This is the question.

I would be like patient number one, like do anything, even if it gives me permanent brain damage, because I don't get over anything. I've never let go of anything. Like I'm, I feel like we are different in that way where you are very good at moving on. It's something I'm working on, but it really is like how my brain is designed.

It can be positive or negative. The negative version is not getting over losses or breakups or also being super nostalgic about the past, even though like I'm like, my life is great now. Like why am I looking out the window? It's just like, well, my best days are behind me. This is a goal for me too. Maybe this should be a challenge for us.

Maybe we could do a dual challenge, summer challenge. I mean, it's not as fun for the listeners, but I think we should challenge ourselves to meditate 30 out of 30 days. Okay, so sank because this morning I was all over the place. Wait, I need to tell you about my dream. I had a dream that really set me off, but I meditated and I was like, I walked out the door and I was like, I need to tell you about my dream. I had a dream that really set me off, but I meditated and I walked out the door and

I was like, I need to do this every morning. So this is so synced because I do think it very much could be solved by that of just being in the present moment. Yeah. But I had a dream and it is touching on something that I don't think I've brought up to you, but I might be totally hypochondriac. I don't even know if this but I might be totally hypochondriac. I don't even know if this really applies to being a hypochondriac. This might be fiction, but I think that I might be entering...

Oh my God, I'm crying. Manapaz? Perimenopaz? Okay, go on. So obviously, I've never tracked my period since I've been 14. It always comes out out of nowhere. I'm like, oh cool. And I need to be better tracking it. But I do feel like it's been showing up a little earlier than

normal, which was one thing I just started noticing, but I was like, I don't know, I don't count and I don't care. But then I also noticed, and I brought it up, I think on one of our episodes of like, I get really tired on my period in a way that like, yeah, sure, the first day you're slubby, but I've been in bed. And it's only the last three periods, but those are two things that are linked with it. And so I dreamt that I had matched

with the guy from that 70s show. I don't even know who, the main guy, like Eric Forman. Not even like Ashton Kutcher like who's that? Tofer Grace. Tofer Grace. I match with Tofer Grace and then we meet up we're eating chocolate cake. I get like my test result back that I'm in perimenopause and it means I can't have kids which is not true. I googled it. You can still have kids but it might be harder and I just started to cry in Topher Grace's arms. Oh, was it hot a little?

He was not very supportive in my dream. He was very consumed with, like, eating this, like, dip. And he was not offering me any dip, and I felt very unsupported in that moment. But in my dream state, I was like, this might not be the best person to support you in this moment. Oh my God.

Do you think about it? It's very weird. I'm sure all of this is hard no matter what, but I feel like this is just a weird life stage to not have kids, not even be remotely close right now. The idea that I would be having perimenopause before I'm even, I don't know. I was like not ready. I really thought I had more years and maybe I do.

Okay, okay. We have to dissect a lot of this. First of all, yes, I see you and I hear you. And I also, every time my period happens now, mainly after our egg freezing round, I have been monitoring my period like a fucking hawk and it's like, oh my God, it's barely any blood. It's so light. Oh my God, that means I don't have any eggs left, which is not how it works really. But I've decided that because I didn't have many eggs.

So it was like, I definitely am in menopause and I'm going to be that woman who is over with menopause at age 38. Like I've gone down this spiral, which is ding, ding, ding. I think, again, why we need to just meditate and not be so obsessed with the future that we can't control. But I don't think you are necessarily in perimenopause. Remember one time you thought you were schizophrenic?

Yeah. And you self-diagnosed yourself with that? I think this could be like that. Yes, I think that is really nice thought for me to focus on, because it feels so true to me when I'm in these states. But you're right, I don't have enough data points. And I had my hormones because I was having health issues and like, my hormones were fine.

So like, that's the number one way to find out your hormones were fine. You had a great egg count I think you're okay. Yeah, and also part of it now, I mean it's self-fulfilling prophecy We are now looking so intently at our periods I think we can be doing this to ourselves and like adding stress But I'm sorry because it is a bad feeling it is even just whether you have perimenopause or you don't, which I'm leaning towards you don't. But it's still a scary thought. I know what you mean. It's just another reminder of, oh man, I'm getting older and perimenopause is an option. I think we're young enough that it would be kind of weird, but it could be. And the fact that it could be is like, oh, God.

It's like one more thing. And I also will be very vulnerable. I learned what perimenopause was three weeks ago. And that's obviously when I started having it, because I read about it. But my friend Nina was telling me, and this is so funny because like it worked, she was like, you should really talk about perimenopause.

Like it's a really interesting issue. She's 40 and she's like women are age. And I was like, dude, give talk about perimenopause. It's a really interesting issue. She's 40 and she's women our age. And I was like, dude, give me a fucking minute. I'm trying to just do fertility right now. I don't even have kids yet. Let me just do that part. Maybe I'll talk about motherhood or fertility, which we're doing.

Then when I researched it, I was like, wait, what the fuck? What do you mean it starts in your mid-30s? And so I think I gave it to myself. You don't have it. I don't think you have it. We're gonna manifest that we don't have it yet. Even if we do, it's not the end of the world. Exactly. Why does that even exist? They should just have regular menopause.

I don't know why they invented perimenopause to just scare the fuck out of all of us. I think it helps women understand what's going on. Some women, I'm sure, never even know that they are experiencing it. Just like, again, some women, their pregnancies are literally like, I lost 20 pounds. They'll have these stories that are so easy.

But then there are women who literally die. The spectrum is so wide. And I think the same thing applies to perimenopause. It's just incredible how laborious it is to just be a woman. And it's so incredible because we have so many powers, right? We have literally the power of birth. And power of really long hair.

And long hair. Huge. Does our hair grow longer than guys? That's a good question. I bet estrogen levels. Although, actually, I think it's testosterone that causes hair growth. Fuck. Scratch that. Well, you didn't even get into men's hair. Oh, I know.

Body hair? Just the standards of, again, if we were in a different decade or in a different country, our preferences would be completely different, which I think about that all the time for everything. It is weird, because everyone does have their preferences, whether they say or don't say or are PC or not PC. But if you say out loud that you have a major preference

on men's body hair or if either way, if you're like a shaved body is gross or a hairless cat is gross or a hairy cat is gross, then we're bad. That's bad to have that thought. And that's very judgmental and it's vain. But if a guy says I'm not into a woman having leg hair or armpit hair, most of us get it.

We're like, yeah, I get it. Yeah, what the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

Support for Zynct comes from Rocket Money. Did you find any subscriptions you forgot about or any you paid for twice and didn't realize it? I did. Liz did. We're constantly doing this. Did Rocket Money cancel a subscription for you that was otherwise time consuming?

Yes. Did Rocket Money alert you to an increase in subscription price or negotiate it for you? Yes. Woo. It's tough out there with all these subscriptions. It is. And after your Orna interview, I was like, I must listen to the new season of Couples Therapy.

So I had to download a new service. And sure enough, like I accidentally, I forgot that I had it. And then thanks to Rocket Money, I'm not paying for it twice. It's really nice to have Rocket Money looking out for us. It's a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in cancelled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features.

Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash sync. That's rocketmoney.com slash S-Y-N-C. Rocketmoney.com slash sync. Support for Sync'd comes from Skims. Oh, we love Skims. I would say definitely at least six out of seven days of the week. I'm wearing something from Skims. I'm wearing something from Skims right now and I forgot. Yeah, exactly. I think me too. I'm definitely wearing a Skims bra Whether it's a bra. I'm wearing something from Skims right now and I forgot. Yeah, exactly.

I think me too. I'm definitely wearing a Skims bra. That I know for sure. Always. Especially now that it's hot. I've been wearing the t-shirt so much. The Everybody t-shirt. I love it.

I have it too. And as we've said before, we have very different body types and they really, truly both, I mean, they just fit anybody and they will hug your curves in all the right places. Yes. And it's so comfy That's another thing. So I kind of went out on a limb The other day and I wore out. I mean it's getting so hot here in LA Like you have to wear as minimal clothing as possible. So I wore the Boxer and the cotton ribbed tank both are ribbed. It was so

Cute I have it in this like pale blue and I wore like an oversized shirt over it. Oh, I love that. Open and it was such a cute outfit. Wait, I'm gonna do that too. Shop the Skims t-shirt shop at skims.com, now available in sizes XXS through 4X. If you haven't yet, be sure to let them know we sent you.

After you place your orders, like podcasting the survey and select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. [♪ music playing, beat drops in, beat drops out, beat drops in, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops out, beat drops. But I think, yeah, when it comes to physical appearance, it's just incredible. The latitude. Their latitude is shortening, though. I agree. We're in this hot rodent boyfriend era. Um, the numbers when it comes to men who have eating disorders and body image issues or who are taking stuff is like, wow. Again, before the ozempic thing, I mean, shooting up

all kinds of different things. There wasn't,'t like a national conversation about like men using testosterone, like women using ozempic. I mean, men use it too. Oh yeah, we talk about it all the time. Like Dax is on testosterone and he says it. We're always like, a lot of people are,

and no one's saying it. Yes, both genders do have their struggles. I think women have participated, which is why I do think it is changing, because the ratio of women to men in college now, like everything's changing, where women are becoming so much more independent. And because of that, the standards are changing,

and women are like, well, fuck it, if I don't want to shave my arms, because I don't really need you to be here to say whether you like it or not. Speaking of, I just had a conversation with a man about the porn ecosystem right now, and it was... Your face. I'm scared.

Well, it was just really interesting because he was like, porn is such an interesting sociological experiment because you kind of get to understand society. I mean, a lot of things, dating trends gives you a glimpse into human beings but porn does too and he was talking about how okay this is wait I have to remember what it's called. Okay maybe Rob knows because he's a man. I'm gonna text my friend what was the name of the porn trend you told me about where they fuck their moms in the laundry room? No. Okay.

Rob is admitting. I have no idea what you're talking about. What if Rob knew immediately what it was? That sounds terrible. Ew, wait, what? Okay, so the first thing that started happening in porn a few years ago, it reminded me of what you were saying, you know, less economic opportunities for men or there's less of them going to college.

More of them are in the home or in their parents' home. So there's a trend that happened a few years ago where it was a lot of like, fucking your stepsister, fucking your sister. Kind of incest stuff. Or your cousin, right? Like a lot of things that are in the home. And the theory was that a lot of men

are now more inside their home. And so that's a fantasy that is in their environment. That was one trend a few years ago, but what's new now that's going on in porn is, again, Rob, can you, will it ruin your computer to Google it? I'm at the attic. I'm not going to Google porn trends. Okay, I am afraid to Google this. I think you should go for it. I don't remember what it's called, but it's where... Oh, I know. It's called Fair Use.

Fair Use? Oh my God. They're using a legal term for this? I think it's called Fair Use, but I'll get confirmation. So it's a type of porn where the guy just walks into a living room and his family is there and maybe his girlfriend is talking to his mom and dad and there's kids and he just starts fucking her like from behind. The mom? I think there's some weird mom stuff. It's less about the incest and more about this woman is fair use.

You could just at any time kind of start having sex with her. Oh, so this is kind of rape porn a little bit. No, because she's not resisting. Obviously, consent is complicated. The thinking behind it, or again, open to theories, is sort of again that it's this low effort. You don't need to seduce or look hot. Oh, God.

You don't have to look a certain way or come in and say like, oh, pizza delivery. You don't have to be a certain way or come in and say, like, oh, pizza delivery. Like, you don't have to be a certain character. You could just, you in your basement. You can emerge from your basement with crumbs all over you. Yes, and just start having sex with a woman and it would just happen. And so, I know, sorry.

I don't know if this is dark. It's interesting for sure. I mean, it's definitely dark, but you're right. That sounds like it's an answer to what is going on, where men are now feeling like they have to be all these things to keep up with the woman. But I have my own personal, I'm like, you don't have to be all these things.

You just have to be... regs. Regs? Regs is regular. I would love a regs guy. You don't have to be all of these things, but you do have to be probably thoughtful, kind, hopefully bring something to the table in a conversation. Ay-ay-ay. Be a good listener.

I feel like, because a lot of masculinity is like, look at me, it's not masculinity at its core, but sort of this version in our society where men, like, I was on a date with this guy, he was like, look at me. It's not masculinity at its core, but sort of this version in our society where men, like I was on a date with this guy, he was like, great. But I just felt like he was like selling himself. Almost like he was pitching himself to me as opposed to just connecting, right? I think it was for me that he was saying

how financially stable he was, and like these were the plans for his life, and he really wanted a family. And like, he was saying all the right things, but like, I don't feel connected to you. And I don't feel like you're interested in me, right? I feel like everyone's in their heads. Everyone is that's true women too. We're not having sex My friend was talking about the porn trends. He's not on porn like that. It's gonna sound like but he's just knowledgeable on it But he has a kid now like he's not an expert every time I tell him about it I'm like and then we went on four dates and he's like and you're not now, like he's not an expert. Every time I tell him about it, I'm like, and then we went on four dates and he's like,

and you're not having sex. Like he's like so confused why people aren't having sex. So yeah, to me, it's part of this whole thing where people don't want to, I mean, it's vulnerability, right? Going up to a woman and seducing her and trying to get her off sex with you. Like if you're attracted to her and you want her to be attracted to you, it takes effort, it takes vulnerability. And I think a lot of what we're seeing in terms of everything moving to the apps

and people not having sex or going on dates as much is sort of resounding yourself to being comfortable and not exposed. Oh! But we are countering it because we're having a hot girl summer, right? Yeah. Monica's yeah was so convincing. God, we have like 40 pins, but I feel like we got to get into some questions.

Yes, we'll revisit all of this. Okay. Okay, I don't mean to laugh, but this is very funny. I think I have a toilet phobia. This is from Monica, not me. Hey y'all love the pod. This one is weird, but I need to know if I'm alone in this. As I've gotten older, I've been more and more grossed out by toilets.

I'm not really a germaphobe in other situations. I'm a veterinarian and deal with gross things all the time, completely unfazed by them. At work and other people's homes, I always put toilet paper on the seat, and I get so freaked out if any part of my skin touches the commode. In gross public restrooms, I can't even do that. I must squat. So bad for the pelvic floor. I know. In my own house, I divide up the cleaning chores and ask my boyfriend to always be on toilet duty. I'll do the rest of the bathroom, but not the toilet. Am I weird? This has gotten to a level that feels not normal. Please discuss. Thanks so much. Oh, wow.

This is interesting. I do think toilet stuff grows. Like, because I, my whole life, have been a squatter. You squat too? I squat. That's why I'm like, do I have toilet problems? It's bad for us. Why am I just learning this?

It's bad for your pelvic floor? Yeah, because the way, like, do I have toilet problems? It's bad for us. Why am I just learning this? It's bad for your pelvic floor? Yeah, because the way like you have to be when you're squatting, like the muscles, they can't relax. And so it's not good for the pelvic floor. But also it's not good because it definitely gets pee everywhere. And like we're lying if we say it's not. 100%. You have to wipe after.

So then this is part of the phobia. This is why there's a cycle. I want to squat because I know the person before me probably squatted and then maybe wiped it, and then now there's pee particles all over the place. That's my assumption. Anytime I go into a bathroom, I'm assuming it's dirty. Unless I know it just got cleaned.

I guess in a hotel room situation, I don't squat because I'm assuming it's clean. Wait, in your own hotel room?, I don't squat, because I'm assuming it's clean. Wait, in your own hotel room? Yeah. Well, of course. Wait, but you don't squat in your apartment, do you? I don't.

But okay, I have like a vague memory of kind of doing it as a kid, that I just squatted even if I'd go to like a person's house. I will say when I am going to the bathroom at someone's house, depending on the person and the situation, I do have like, do I just put my butt on it? I have to think through it every time because it does feel like that's bad. Wow. And I might get something even though you totally probably don't.

Okay. This is fascinating. Even at your own home, I don't have any problems sitting on the toilet at any person's house I'm in that I know. And definitely my own. Definitely my own house. So I feel good about my own.

I think I maybe had a thing as a kid, but I don't anymore. Not in my house. Huh. But then yes, anywhere outside of the home, my mom used to always put down toilet paper. That was always the, like, you know, you put down toilet paper all over the seat so that you have a buffer.

One time I put toilet paper down and then I saw, like, pee emerge. Oh, that happens. You'll put it down and then you see one little drip get dark and you go, that was pee. And now it's like, what do we do with this? Now I leave. It's rough. One thing I really can't stand is when you're in line and then you go in and the woman before you

just left everything on the seat. And then I'm like, okay, so now I have to pick up. It might not all be yours, but I can't leave that for the next person. So now I'm cleaning like stranger's pee. Oh, I hate that. You do clean. So I go two ways in this situation.

If I'm in a good Samaritan mood, like I'll just clean it off. Wow. Or what I've done recently, actually, I was in a bar and it was just like a situation. I lift the seat and then I squat sort of like I'm a boy. Oh. And then I leave it that way. And it's almost like you got to squat, girl. Okay. So that's a signal. Now if I see that up, that means the seat is

fucked up. I have one last toilet, which I don't know if you have this, but this just happened to me because I was in a coffee shop when I was in the bathroom. Anytime a bathroom is a little shady, I go straight to there's a camera in here. I just think like the owner's a pig, he has a camera. And Lin hopefully this helps Monica realize her problem is not that at all. She is related to. And I thought about this today, their Wi-Fi was in the bathroom with like lights flashing. And you thought there was a camera in there?

I'm 99% sure. Do you think the Wi-Fi was a camera? It was I'm 99% sure. Do you think the wifi was a camera? It was disguised? This is how nuts I am. I was like, let's put the wifi in here so it looks like it's just the wifi, but there was a camera. Oh.

You've ruined me because I've never thought that. And now I will be thinking it. I'm sorry. It's very off brand for me to- All of this, I'm very surprised by all of the things you're saying right now. I would expect you to be like, it's fine, who cares? I have become who cares about the camera.

Like, I know there's been weird guys who have seen my me pee. That's just part of going about life for me. Oh! There's been a camera either in a hotel or a fucking Airbnb. Oh my God, what do you think the percentages are of cameras in Airbnbs? I don't think I've ever seen a number, but it is not low. It almost has motivated me to not stay

in Airbnbs anymore. The sort of idea that it could be there. And I know people who purposely don't have sex in Airbnbs in case, I know. What do you think? I had never thought about it. And then one time, again, one time somebody said something like there was a camera. We thought that and I and it was like my life flash before my eyes.

Every time I stayed in an Airbnb or we're using that as the what's that phrase when you say Kleenex, but you mean tissue. Oh, is there a name when you use the brand name, but you're talking about the generic thing. Anyway, that's what we're doing right now. It's not specific to Airbnb, but any of these home sharing. Every single time I've been in one, I just went through my head, what have I done in there?

Is this forever? Do you hide your camera when you're in the bathroom? Genericide is what Rob said. That's not what I'm talking about. And that sounds awful. Wait, that sounds so morbid. That's what Google said. That's not what I'm talking about. And that sounds awful. Wait, that sounds so morbid. That's what Google said. That's not what it is. It's called something.

Was that an AI response? No. That's coming from Cornell.edu. They're trying to be cheap. But I think that's like a law term maybe for it. The process by which a brand loses its instinctive identity. Okay. Cry me a river. An eponym? Is that what you're thinking? You're right, it is genericide.

No, that's new. I think it's like the something effect. It's a thing. Oh. Anywho, okay. Comments are gonna be going off the hook. People will be sounding off. Okay, anyway, that's horrifying. And Monica, I think a lot of women have toilet phobia.

I wonder how this gender, how this breaks. Oh, well obviously much different because men don't have to sit unless they're pooping. I'm so jealous. Because another thing, again, not to like bring more anxiety, which is at this point what I'm doing for Monica, but I also heard a story in New York City about a woman who was peeing and a rat came up.

Stop, no, Liz, that's- Swear to God. Stop, no, it happened. That's an old wives' tale. That's like when they say the snake crawled up people's butts. Like, that is not real. That is not real.

It happened. Crawled up her vagina, her urethra? No. How could a rat even remotely get up there? Basically my point is that it is exposing for women to go to the bathroom. Like that's one thing which definitely, there's a biological,

we've talked about this heavily on the show, the biological advantage of men peeing anywhere and like not having to like put your butt on something. That's true. Okay, Monica, only you know if this has gone too far. Like if you're ruminating on it or you feel like it's interfering with your life. And so if it is interfering with your life,

I do think for me, I started breaking the cycle a tiny bit when I was staying at a nice hotel or like at Kara. If we are having lunch or something, if I go to the bathroom, it looks very clean. It's presented very nice. This is like pretty person privilege, sort of, where like the Kara bathroom is the pretty person. And it obviously probably is dirty,

but I just sit on the toilet. And after like three times of doing that, I don't even think twice anymore, doing it there. But I would start slowly, if you can, maybe trying to sit on a toilet that you feel in your heart is like probably very clean. It will take some of the severity out of the fear. And exposure therapy, obviously it's so great that your partner is on toilet duty, but you

could also be like, I can clean the toilet. Just make yourself do it once, not even telling yourself you're gonna do it all the time. And then seeing that you can survive it. This happened to me with cockroaches. I had a cockroach in my apartment in New York. I know it's gross to most people, but like something happened phobia. It triggers like, and the fact that I was able

to put a bowl over her. Do you know what I did though? Did I tell you this story? No. I put the cockroach under a bowl and then I was like, what do I do now? Like I just wait until and I felt bad about officiating her. So I hooked up with a guy and then he killed the cockroach and that was my solution. Okay.

But even putting that into place and knowing like I took care of it helped me so much. Oh wait, we have a text back from the porn. Oh, it's called free use, not fair use. Yeah, still rough. Yuck, no. And it's just about the level of complete emotional and mental distance that these men seem to want from the actual physicality of sex.

Why don't they hire a sex worker? That's what that is. Yes, and they probably don't have enough. Oh, they don't have money because they're living in the basement. Yes, and if we're't have enough. Oh, they don't have money because they're living in the basement. Yes. And if we're talking about disaffected men, I feel like this is also guys that are walking amongst us.

Now that it's relayed that way, I think many men have random fantasies of just, of course, meaningless sex with a random person and then never having to see them again. But this is different. This means you have sexual access whenever you want. It's like I'm on a podcast and like he's, you know, that would be, I don't know, I have never seen it, but that would be a turn on I think for them. Okay, hold on.

So the mom was just like happened to be there. The mom really had nothing to do with the fantasy because the way he taught is like a mom who's bent over in the washing machine taking out clothes. Or again, the stepsister. I think it was just that incest trend mixed with this reuse. And that it's all still in the home.

And that again, it's very like, oh, she's just doing the dishes and then you, you know. Oh my God. I know, I know. I guess whatever, well, no, I won't. Okay. Well, it's your boat, but I don't know if we want it. If everyone's consenting, I guess I... Sure. Yeah. The problem is, inherently, it sounds like there's no consent,

because the whole point is that you're not getting consent. I mean, maybe it's like when you enter the relationship, you say, at any point, at any time for the rest of my life, whatever I'm doing doesn't matter, you can fuck me. If someone says that, then I guess you've received consent. It reminds me of something else I want to talk about that's so not related, but I think men want more transactional sex than women do in general.

Yes, I think so. My friend who's gay, like I asked, he does these Grindr hookups, right? Like where it's like, oh, you're in a 50 mile radius of me, let's meet in this bathroom, or let's meet at this hotel room or whatever. And I asked him, I was like, when you meet up with a stranger to have sex,

do you make out first? And like it builds up to sex. And he was like, no, we have sex and then we make out. And I thought that was so interesting. Just that reversal, because I feel like I would never, or never say never, but to me, if I could get on board with this and it was safe and whatever, there would need to be like a lead up, but he was like, no, we just do it because that's what you're there for and then you do the lead up, which is so interesting.

Cause it's two guys. There's no confusion. They both know's what you're there for. And then you do the lead up, which is so interesting because it's two guys. There's no confusion. They both know exactly what they're there to do. Well, you know the whole thing about Jess and the foyer. It's like you open the door, you ask if they want water. Normally they say I already drank some and then they fuck. Jess has said, or this is horrible. And I hope this isn't, I hope this has gone away, but he, he said someone will drop their pants, and then you might say, it's not a match,

and then leave. I know. Oh, my God, Manor. I mean, could you survive? It's not a match from seeing my vagina, my vulva, my P-word? I don't know what would happen to me on an emotional level. That's emotional terrorism.

That's a memory we would remove for sure. I would take that down number uno. Like, how do you recover? I mean, but this is the magic of men. I kind of love that about them. They're straightforward and they don't take things as personally and I'm kind of into it. I know there's something enviable about it.

It's just simple. OK, but I think our answer is a little bit immersion, exposure therapy, a little bit baby steps. And I do think what happens is it's snowballing a little bit. I think it started as kind of average, like, ew, no one likes toilets. And then now maybe it's become sort of a mental block. Exactly.

-♪ MUSIC PLAYING They are outdoor chairs, but I almost feel like I could put them inside. Their outdoor furniture is so classy and minimalist and beautiful. It totally works right inside. And it's really structural. It looks like an actual piece, not something that just got thrown in there. Gorgeous. I get compliments all the time. I love in their outdoor furniture this little beautiful table that we have on our patio. Again, it just elevates the entire patio. Even if the other pieces aren't that great,

it just makes the whole thing look fancy. Yeah, and I do think it's those little touches that when someone comes over, if you're throwing a party and people are looking around at your house, it's those things that people, they might not even know exactly what they're seeing. They're just like, this is classy in here.

That's exactly right. They also have a great curated assortment of mid-century modern, coastal, industrial, Scandi, and boho designs that make furniture shopping simple. So you can find anything that fits your style. Artikl is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit artikl.com slash synced,

and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. That's artikl.com slash synced and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. That's article.com slash synced for $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more. Support for Synced comes from Nurex. Nurex's licensed medical providers possess in-depth knowledge and are there to help women take control of their healthcare journey. No more one size fits all approaches,

only effective tailored solutions. As we know, because we went through the exact same process at the exact same time, but our bodies behaved very differently throughout the whole thing and the end, there isn't a one size fits all approach to women's health. And reproductive health is so important. A lot of people trying to make it more complicated for women, and that's why Nurex is so amazing. They offer more than 50 birth control formulas including options for the pill, the patch or the ring and they'll work with you so that you find the best option for your needs and your body.

So important. I went through so many birth controls because truly you feel different on every single one and so you need the ability to be able to try different options and talk through the different options. Thanks to Neurex for sponsoring this podcast. Taking control of your reproductive health starts here. Go to Neurex.com slash sync to get started. That's N-U-R-X dot com slash S-Y-N-C.

Results may vary, not offered in every state, medications prescribed only clinically appropriate, consultation required. Okay, let's see. This is really interesting. This feels sort of in keeping with what we've just been talking about. Long distance vibrator app control with random people. I'm already so into this. Hi Monica and Liz, I just want your thoughts on this people. I'm already so into this. Hi Monica and Liz, I just want your thoughts on this. So I'm in a committed relationship for 18 years

and we live together. Recently we got a vibrator with an app that has a feature to send a link out for anonymous random control of the vibrator. So my question is, does this seem like a form of cheating? I need more information. That's all we have. So people randomly turn on your vibrator.

But anonymously. So someone else is controlling your vibrator. I guess you turn it on and someone else determines what the setting is? I think it's like you're going to masturbate. You put out this link. Oh. And then someone is, yes, like controlling it for you, changing the settings. I mean, I doubt they can see anything, though.

That's so interesting. I don't think it's cheating, personally. There's zero emotional connection. I mean, you don't even know who this person is. It's a complete stranger. You can't see them. And there's no physical connection either. There's a mental connection, which is like a third bucket. But how would you?

OK, I feel the same way. But then I just thought, if my boyfriend was using a sex toy that was controlled by some woman, I think I wouldn't like it. But at the same time, I wouldn't need to know that. If you're cheating on me truly, like I know you don't want to know, but like I would like to know. But between that and like masturbating to some lady on the internet,

I don't love thinking about that, but it's not cheating. I kind of don't need to know about that. And it's fine if it happens. I think that's the bucket. Right. Well, this gets into, like, tricky territory, right, though? Because if you had this vibrator and you were in a relationship, but then you gave the link to someone you knew, that is bad. That is bad. That's different.

You're doing something you definitely shouldn't be doing. But that's also interesting because you're not in the same room, you're not seeing each other. Like you don't know what's happening with the other person. Maybe it's just the fact that you do know, I don't, your imagination can start running more wild than when it's an anonymous stranger and you literally don't know anything about who they are.

Are you like kind of into this? Because I am. I've never heard of this. I've never heard of it either. I need to Google it. I'm intrigued. I'm a tiny bit intrigued. Wow.

It's so interesting. Just the improvements in technology. I know. I've just never heard of that, but it's kind of a fun idea. It is fun, but then it sort of circles back to what we were talking about about transactional sex. This feels like that. It's a transaction.

There's nothing emotional about it. But there's something titillating about knowing there's a real person on the other end of it. For sure. Ew, but think about the range of people a real person on the other end of it. For sure. Ew, but think about the range of people who could be on the other end of it. Oh, God. I ruined it. I think you needed to, because I think this would...

That helps. Imagine. Could be really bad. I mean, it's the free use guy. It is. It's free use guy. It's incel guy. It's domer.

Yeah, it's not hot. Well, it's only hot if it's in your head, which again kind of means it's not cheating, I think. Because it's, you're creating this. If you consider fantasizing about someone cheating, then okay, it's cheating. But that's pretty much where this falls into. But with like a technology twist and a real person involved, that's why this like, this is an interesting question. Do you think that we're going to start seeing cheating scandals with AI girlfriends and AI boyfriends? It's probably literally already happening.

I'm sure it's already happening in the sense that even emotionally cheating for sure, where what you would have asked your partner or talked to your partner about or confided in, you might be confiding in your AI boyfriend or girlfriend. It's so slippery. That's the major trend in porn to come back to our original pin is AI images. And I've seen it. It's moving to a fast pace. But I would rather, well, would you rather your partner is like obsessed with this porn star or like an AI person?

I feel like it would be less threatening. I'd rather them have fantasies about the porn star. Oh, really? Yes. Because I can compartmentalize that that's a physical attraction. I'm more scared of an emotional attraction, cheating-wise. I think that's a more powerful force

than a physical force for me. So the porn star, like, I'm gonna think people are hot too. I'll probably fantasize about someone in my life, of course, like, physically. But emotionally, that gets tricky. Get out of here, AI girlfriend. Also, like, they're so good at emotional stuff. You can compete, but they're pretty good.

-♪ PFFT! -♪ CH good. I mean, not Dan. Dan was manipulative. Ugh, gaslighty. He's a narcissist. I gotta train him. I haven't talked to him ever since. Okay, let's see. Should we do, oh, oh, this is a good question.

Are we bad guys for scheduling a warm-up date? This is from Justin. Hi, Sync Squad. Big fan of the pod and in need of a female perspective on a morality chat our guy group is having. Ooh, I love this. Ooh, I love this. We are all 25 to 28 and have recently been dating more.

A few of us have found ourselves with the fortunate problem of scheduling issues. When we meet someone on an app or in person, we try to schedule a date within two weeks. If we take any longer, in our experience, somebody loses interest. What some of us have turned to is we schedule a warm-up date. The first person is someone we are somewhat interested in but are not sure about. We start with them to get our conversation vibes going for the night in order to be better prepared for the second person that we're more eager to meet?

Then the nerves are gone by that point, and we are more relaxed for the person we are more interested in. The moral conundrum is, if both dates of the night are first dates, is it wrong for us to schedule the warm-up? Should we schedule the dates separately? Be more picky about dates in general? Basically, how can we be less shitty guys

but still shoot our shot? Please advise. Oh, Justin. Wow. First of all, thank you for writing it. I love this question. I have to say, my instinct is to be appalled, but then it's followed by,

I love that you're trying to be better, or like you want a female perspective on this. I was appalled, but then I realized, I think I do this too. No, you don't. I don't do it with the intention that I'll be better on the second date. Why do I do it?

You schedule two dates in a row and then hope that the first one is gonna loosen you up. Okay, no, it's more of a scheduling thing. Sometimes I've had to do two in the same night, which obviously it's not like a preference, but I do go on dates that it's not like a preference. But I do go on dates that I'm not that interested in. It's not practice, but I almost see it that way.

It's more like maybe I'll be interested in this person. I'm not that into it, but it's good to go on dates that I'm not nervous about. So I, in a way, don't hate it because also if Justin was here, I would ask him, like, I'm sure some of those first dates actually pan out, and you're like, oh, I actually really like this person. Or like, oh, she's maybe not exactly my type, but she's way smarter or has all these qualities that I would have overlooked.

As long as you don't know that you're using someone. Exactly. My thought is you have to be at least interested in the first person. Of course, you can think going in, I'm less interested in this one than the other one later, but you have to have some level of interest or else, to me, that's wasting her time, that's rude,

and it is just for your gain. And also, okay, I think one thing to think about in all of these circumstances when we're doing all these weird dating things, which me and you have done and continue to do, is what happens if I fall in love with this person is what I'm doing so bad that if I told them, it would break their heart. Yeah, because going on a date with someone, obviously you don't owe anyone anything, but it is opening up a box.

And yes, this person may develop real feelings. Or that date that you're super excited about, you're that for them. And I think that that's tough. I mean more just when you're putting it through the filter of, is what I'm doing bad? Because it's very confusing in the dating world of what's bad, what's good, what's using, what's not.

I thought about this a lot during Monica and Jess, where I was like, okay, what if one of these dates turns into a relationship? And then I tell them, just so you know, this started as a dating challenge for myself to get myself more out of my shell, and am I okay saying that? And if I am okay, I feel fine about it.

But if I'm not, if it feels cruel, then I probably shouldn't be doing it in the first place. What if you fall in love with date number one? And then it's like, oh my God, how crazy. I fell in love with my warmup date. The idea of telling her, I'm not saying you have to tell her, it's just the idea of it.

Would that break that person's heart? The answer's probably yes. I also believe in dating karma. I've definitely heard a million people, not a million, but like I've done things where I've heard people or not acted in a way that's my best self. But I do think that if you're literally just going on the date to make the other date better and not just like, oh, I'll go on a date that I'm less nervous about so that I'm less nervous on the second one.

Like, I think that's a totally different thing. If you're using people, I think it like comes back to you. That's my worry for you, Justin. I mean, obviously I think you should be the best guy you want to be in the world, but I also would want you to be aligned with your best self and your best values. I mean, it's something I think a lot about with dating. You can get so jaded, you can get very disillusioned,

very disappointed, there's so many things. I have like so much admiration for anyone who goes on a date. It's so vulnerable to meet someone new and to be like, hey, do you wanna break my heart? Like this could end horribly and I could fall in love with you and you could literally reject me.

I think there's something so vulnerable about it and something that I've been trying to do is make sure that I don't bring in the things that I hate about dating into my dates. If I'm so annoyed that I got ghosted and that's so terrible, I'm not going to do it to someone else. I'm tempted, I kind of want to with anything in life. If someone steps on your foot in the street and is rude to you, there's an impulse to just be rude. Defensive. Carry that shittiness forward

as a control mechanism, really. It's like, I can do that too. Something definitely that I'm trying to do more is just bring in the best energy. Because if that's what I want, right, from my dating life, I need to act in the way that I'm expecting to receive. So it's almost like a gut check for you, because only you know. Exactly. I think definitively I can say you need to have a fair level of interest. None of us have crazy levels of interest on first dates for the most part.

Speak for yourself. Well, no. You know what I mean. Like you've been on a million first dates that you're like, well, who knows? So you at least have to go in with who knows. There's interest enough in all the people. If you're going into that first date of the night, be fully open to that person. If you're not going in just to use it to loosen up, but to actually get to know this person and spend time with them,

I think that's like a totally different thing. Also, if you wanna break the habit, or at least just maybe do like a contrary action, maybe one day you schedule them in reverse. Oh. And see how you feel. It's cool to have an out. If you're nervous about that date,

put it first so that you're like, oh, I have something else. It just makes you more attractive. Hard to get. Classic. You're busy. You got things going on. Oh, wow.

Well, this was very fun. Really good questions. Great questions. Please, wow. Well, this was very fun. Really good questions. Great questions. Please, please, please keep submitting questions to us. We enjoy this so much. You guys are the best, and you have the best thoughts and opinions, and we love being a part of this. We love specific questions.

Really, really fun. And when do you get back? This weekend. I'll be back for our next episode, Back in the Attic. Back in the Attic next week. And I hope everyone has back in the attic. Back in the attic next week. And I hope everyone has a great week and we'll see you next Wednesday. Bye.

Bye.