Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Synced: Gate Boyfriend

Episode Date: March 13, 2024

In this episode of Synced, Liz shares her latest meet cute with Monica, they discuss phone background etiquette, and talk through how they would respond if one of them committed murder. They deep dive into a listener question on how to handle an odorous coworker. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello there. Hi. Okay, you've been traveling. It's true, not as exciting as India, but I went to Seattle for 24 hours. Yes. I had a plane event. Oh my God. had a plane event. Oh my God. A romantic plane event.

Well, actually it was perfect because, okay, so it was very like romantic comedy moment. So I'm at the gate and I see this guy and like we both kind of double take. But then I go back to sit at my seat and I'm with my camera man Dean, who's like my age and like cute. And I'm like, oh, this guy's gonna think this guy's my

boyfriend or my husband. And so this isn't gonna happen. Not that like, you know, I thought he was gonna come up to me, but I was like, okay, well now it's certainly not. So do you make kind of gross faces at Dean? Yes, I was. It's just like, ugh, like you're so annoyed. That's funny.

I did like kind of stand and like it was on my phone a lot. Like we're work friends. We're not together. We're not together. We're not together. And then I fly a lot so I get upgraded to comfort plus and Dean didn't. And of course we joke about it all the time. I'm like, bye when I get called

and he has to stay behind. And so then I was like, oh, this guy now probably knows. Like we're not, I mean maybe, would you, okay, wait. Oh. If you're in a relationship and your partner gets upgraded, do you take the upgrade or do you stay behind? If I get upgraded. Yeah, if you get upgraded, but your partner doesn't.

What's fuck? I would stay behind. Wow. Yeah. Even if it's, is it a trip to India? Then no, sorry, every man for himself. Right. And if you're mad at the person, it's inappropriate. You should want them to sleep

instead of being stuck in an economy. But yeah, it's a tough, it's interesting. Or I think probably the chivalrous thing to do if you're the guy is to give the upgrade. Like if your boyfriend takes the upgrade but you're left behind. Yeah, that's rough. I think everyone has to stay behind.

Oh, okay. All the time. I think so. I stay behind. Oh, okay. All the time. I think so. I mean, even if I'm traveling with a friend and we're booked together and then if one person got an upgrade, I would... Huh.

No, you have to take it. If you're friends... I guess it depends on the circumstance. I mean, you have to be like, like, your attitude is more important than, like, if you act like, oh, God, this sucks. I mean, I don't like, like your attitude is more important than like, if you act like, oh, God, this sucks. I mean, I don't really know what I'm saying

because I definitely like when I fly with friends, often I fly in first class. Separate, yeah. I guess I just imagine like we both have the same tickets. We're next to each other. That's right. If you're next to each other and then you get an upgrade and you're planning on hanging out, and then you get an upgrade,

and you're planning on hanging out the whole flight, it's kind of a bummer to ditch. It depends on where you're going, how long the flight is. That's right. If the upgrade to first class is a smaller flight, it's like, okay, let's just, you know. But then I think you can also share in the benefits of business class by bringing them snacks

and bringing them drinks. I'm sure you're not allowed, but hoard a lot of the stuff and then share so that there's class solidarity. Okay, so now we're saying if me and you are ever traveling and this happens, we're allowed to take the upgrade. Yes, and by word, you're definitely, but yes, I would be upset if you didn't.

That would be my position. I don't need to hang out with people on flights. Yeah, I would be upset if you didn't. That would be my position. I don't need to hang out with people on flights. Yeah, I'm the same. I'm watching my movies, I'm reading my books. Like, I mean, we're not like 11, you know? Like we can hang out when we get off the flight. It's true. Flying sucks.

If you have the ability to have a better experience, do it. Okay, so. Okay, so I'm glad we sorted that out. Okay, so then I go to my seat and then I'm looking for a plug for my phone because it's out of power. And I can't find, there's only like a plug in the middle seat, not under my seat.

And so I'm kind of like rustling around and then who do I see sit right in the aisle? Oh my God. My boyfriend. What's he look like? My gay boyfriend. He's gay? No, gay.

Oh, I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. This changes a lot. A gay husband would be kind of great. I have one. It's true. Yeah, it makes me feel great. He's like a good looking R.A.H. man. Like he's probably like 40, but like very spry

and like athletic and like hot. Like very, very, but also like seems like a good person. Like not like a hot, like you're an asshole, like hot like you would stay back with me. Wow. Kind of guy. Those are the vibes. Yeah.

But also I was kind of right. Everything I kind of assumed about him, well, not everything. Anyway, he sits down, then I'm like, wow, how funny. But then I'm like, oh, but there was gonna be a person between us, so there goes my chance. But then I'm truly struggling with this plug situation. And so I look up to him and I'm like, am I nuts? Like, is there no plug?

Is there one under you? Like, is it just not under my seat? And then he was like, you're not crazy. Which I love that he validated. That was his opening line. That was his opening line. You love that. We love when men tell us we're not crazy, which I love that he validated. That was his opening line. That was his opening line. You love that. We love when men tell us we're not crazy.

It's huge. And then, even better, he was like, if the thing doesn't work or someone comes and sits down, like I always travel with the battery pack and you can use it. So he's prepared. But could be controlling. Oh, interesting.

Why? Because he wants his phone to be charged? He's just like, has a lot of his ducks in a row. Oh, in a good, look, so far so good, but it could mean. I'm just saying. I wonder if he's a Virgo. Did you get his birthday? I did.

He is a Pisces, which was shocking to me, because men who are Pisces, we as a society know what that can lead to. I'm a female Pisces, like we're not, but a guy, it's kinda known that men who are Pisces can be, if they haven't gone to therapy, they can use their emotions for-

Dangerous. Yes, danger. I mean, obviously generalizing, but I do have PTSD. But do Pisces tend to get along with other Pisces? Are they compatible? Yeah. My mom is a Pisces. I do have PTSD. But do Pisces tend to get along with other Pisces? Are they compatible? Yeah. My mom is a Pisces. I do know a lot of Pisces.

I think we're compatible. I have never found that romantically it's a good match. Okay. Because I need someone who's not grounded. Yeah, exactly. As we've talked about. So then I'm sitting there and then we're both like on our phones like we're,

but I'm like, this guy wants to talk to me. Like, I know, like I just could tell. And then no one sits in the middle seat. Oh! That's meant to be. This is a meek cute. Oh my God. I love meek cutes.

And then it got even more meek cutie where they come around with the snacks and in Comfort Plus, they kind of have a train out of snacks. So you can like pick one out with your own hands instead of them like handing it to you like you're in it. Take care. And so the flight attendant approaches us with the snacks.

I barely touching the package of pistachios and the entire snack tray falls to the ground. And then there's snacks like 30 to 40 to 50 packages of like just from everything from pistachios to chips to chocolate bars. And then we're picking them up our hands touch. Oh my God. Did you do it on purpose?

No. Tell us the truth. Look, I kind of knew that maybe our hands were going to touch. I didn't, you know, I didn't shy away. And then we're laughing and I'm not on purpose. No. Tell us the truth. Look, I kind of knew that maybe our hands were going to touch. I didn't, you know, I didn't shy away. And then we're laughing and I'm like, oh my God, I'm such a dits. Oh God, Liz. Did you use that word dits?

I didn't say dits. No, it just was very romantic. County was like, oh my God, this thing happened. And then he's like, oh, we could have happened to anybody. And like, we'll probably find some snacks under our seats, mid-flight, like it'll be great. Like, and then we just start talking and we talked for the entire flight.

Non-stop, two and a half hours. Wait, this was going or coming back home? Coming back. Okay. So he lives here? So there's a moment where we're talking and I'm like, I see a photo of a child on his screensaver. Could be a nephew or a niece.

The screensaver is, tells you more about a man than if he has a ring on his finger, honestly. If it's a dog, you're good. Like he's definitely not married. What's on your phone screen? It's the boys. Oh, it is.

Yes, it is. Kids, right? Wow. Or their wife or partner. I feel like it's a little weird if you have just a picture of your wife, unless it's a two of you together. If it's just plain your wife, I find that weird. I kind of agree.

I don't think I've ever had a photo of just Natalie. Just Natalie as your screen. Oh really? I love it. What? That's so sweet. Oh, do you think that that is like overcompensating or something?

I think that's way too much. It's like weirdly attached. Yeah. Wait, what do you mean? It kind of possess, that feels odd. That feels so odd to me. Oh, it's true that if I did it with my boyfriend, I'd be weird. Yeah, the background of your phone

was just a picture of your boyfriend. Unless it's like a goofy- The gay boyfriend. My gay boyfriend. Yeah. It can be your gay boyfriend, but it can't be your gay boyfriend. That's the rule.

Got it. Phone backgrounds, I think if it's your significant other, if they're doing like a stupid face, or like it's a silly photo, I think it works. Oh, even then? I don't know. But the both of you is... Both of you make sense to me.

That's like a picture of... But then you're on your own screen. But it's like a picture of your relationship. I would have a picture of like, I mean, I don't because I have, what's it called? Pantone. Thank you. I have what's it called? Pantone. Thank you. I have Pantone color of the year, but I would have a picture of like me and my like Podgirl friends together like as just like a happy memory picture, but I wouldn't have a picture of just them.

Interesting. I've only had a vote of another person. Who? My dad and my niece. Okay, that makes sense though. Family to me is so different. Those are critical people. I don't know why, maybe I'm crazy. I don't think so. I see your point. If I had a picture of my friend on my phone and then he saw it, he'd be like,

why am I in your back room? Yeah, yeah, solo. I could see Dax and Aaron having that as his background. I could see him having a picture of just Aaron, but that's like his own funny. I don't know, God, okay. What if your partner has a photo of you and then you have a photo of like someone else? Does that create conflict?

Yeah, it's weird. Yes, you have to be on the same page, maybe. I think just have pictures of your kids or Pantone. Okay. These are the options. Wait, what's on your phone? I have a funny picture, yeah. And I usually do.

Like I had RBG before, you know, things got complicated with my relationship with our post-death, but, but no, I like funny things. Yeah. I've seen some people put a photo of themselves when they were little. Oh, that's fun. I've seen that as put a photo of themselves when they were little. Oh, that's fun.

I've seen that as like a, remember your inner child and her thing. Okay, so the gate boyfriends had some kids on. One of the first things he talks about, I'm like, are you traveling for work? He's like, I work in Seattle for a company that creates like devices so that we can help people who need heart surgery.

And my mom, Oh my God! like two days before went into that surgery and he creates a device which would have avoided her surgery. It's like a CT scan that allows doctors to be able to not have to put their patients and do a catheter and everything. And he was super passionate about it.

This is a meat cue. This is so sim. It was very, very sim. But then I, yeah, I see, you know, I see the kid. He's being also like, he's not being super forward and like, but he had just met you like 15 minutes ago. True, and we're on an airplane, which I've heard men now,

because I asked Dean afterwards, he was like, I would never talk to a woman on it. Like I just assumed that women don't want to be talked to on airplanes. That's fair. I think that's a safe assumption. So anyway, talking about this thing, and I'm like, oh my God, my mom had it. And he was like super interested

in giving me advice for my mom. But then yeah, I see the kid. And so at some point he says, I lived in Indiana. And I'm like, why did you live in Indiana? He's like, well, my ex-wife. Okay. And so that's a positive. That is a positive.

Cause maybe he has a new one, but chances are, there's a new one. When men mention their exes, it usually means that they're not in a relationship. I think like as a rule. It's a good way to like tell if someone is available or like single-ish. That's interesting.

Yeah. And so then he's divorced, has two kids. We're going into it. His astrology, what's it like being a dad? But as the flight is progressing, we are both realizing this is a logistical impossibility. Why? First of all, he was like, how often do you come and travel to Seattle?

I was like, never. This is my first time. This is my first time. I was like, I... It's close though. I know, but he has two kids. He has joint custody. When he has their kids on the weekends, he's spending time with them.

And then he travels for work saving people's hearts. It was so interesting, cause I could just tell there was definitely energy between us. But at the very end, I could just tell that we both were like, so great meeting you. And like, and we didn't exchange phone numbers. Then that's sort of a beautiful capsule moment. Exactly.

I kind of am happy with the way that it happened. But you might... Okay, it's just the beginning. Oh my God. Because that's how meek, cute work. Like, it's too boring of a story if that just was like the end and you guys are together now. Oh yeah.

So there's going to be multiple parts. He's probably going to Austin. There's so many hearts in Austin that need saving. I do know the hotel he's staying at in Beverly Hills. I won't do that. I won't do that. I won't go around Beverly Hills. And also, again, it had me thinking, because this is happening more and more,

I'm noticing it a little bit as a little trend for my life. If we're dating people who are our age or like slightly older, chances are they have been in a long-term relationship or they were married. But if there's kids, it does ground someone in a city and it really limits- It's non-negotiable. Except, okay, let me just paint a picture. Okay, to Lou. I don't want to wish any ill on the wife, okay?

Because she's probably great. But let's say, okay, I know, this is good for everyone. The wife gets a job in Los Angeles, and it's a really important job huge for her career. Big step up. She has a new podcast. She can't say no, and your gate boyfriend is really nice and wants the best for her.

So he says, we're all moving to Los Angeles. Wow. And he also moves and then where are you gonna meet? The Delta Lounge. No, I know you want that so bad. I do. I really do. I feel like that's where it's gonna happen.

No, it's not at the Delta Lounge because you're gonna run into him here and it'll be like, wait, aren't you in Seattle? Oh. And then he's like, no, aren't you in Seattle? Oh. And then he's like, no, actually, I moved. I just moved. We're part of the city to live in. Oh, I live right down the street.

Oh my God, I live in that building. Okay, tiny. Oh, you don't like that. No, I love this story for us. The only issue is that his ex-wife does not work. Yet. That's true. It's her first job in her whole life.

She has to take it. Oh. Okay, I love this. I don't want you to wait for him, but let's not rule him out. I know. It was nice that we were both realistic, but I like the idea that, I mean,

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Trial is 30 days, applies only to your first box subject to consultation, new subscribers only. ["Syndicator"] Do you wanna hear everything everywhere all at once? Rip in the time space continuum happened while we were in India. Oh, Dax, me and one of the members from Gates Ventures were at lunch.

And this couple comes in, this Indian couple comes in with this little girl. She was probably like three or four-ish. She was so cute to these huge eyes. Aw. And she like walks in like really confident. She sits in her chair. It's like this tall big grown-up chair and she's just like sitting in it with her parents eating food. And her back was to us. We were staring at her because

she was so cute. And then she turned to look at us and she was like, hi, Dax. And then she turned to look at us and she was like, hi, Dax. And then turned back over. What? She didn't speak English. What? It sounded like we all separately were like, did she just say hi, Dax? And then I realized it was me in another realm,

in another life, me and I knew Dax. Whoa. What was she wearing? Prada pants? I need a little Prada pants. She had a little microphone with her. It was a rip. Did you have short legs? She was like three or four.

So she did. She would have loved if she had short legs, if she was me, because I wanted short legs. That's right. So that wasn't everything everyone wants. Was that the first time that you saw yourself in someone or something? Have you? I've only seen other people in other people.

Okay. You know, like my task rabbit was my grandfather. Wait, I wanna make fun of you, but I also, I also, Kristen's dog Barb, who like really creeped me out. I did think part of my grandpa was in her and he was still alive at the time, but still something weird happened where some of him was in her.

She would just like come up and stare at me, but she only had one eye. Yes, I've seen photos of Barb. He hated it, but I had a weird vibe that my grandpa was in there. Okay, so your task rabbit was your grandpa? Well, yes. Did it look was your grandpa? Well, yes. Did it look like your grandpa?

No, not at all. He came over, he didn't speak English, so we was using this app to speak. What was his ethnicity? Ukrainian. Okay. So my grandparents are Hungarian, like it's not the same.

Right. He was so gentle and so kind. Me and my roommate, the amount of things that we've brought him in to do, and he goes, these are not the screws. He'll like go out to Home Depot and buy what we need and then come back. He is so sweet.

And the first time I met him, in the first five minutes, I didn't think anything of him. But there was this moment where we were like, sort of looking each other's eyes and using the app to speak. And I started like tearing up. My grandfather did do construction, like, you know, when he moved to Montreal,

he obviously wasn't a task rabbit, but I feel like he would have been in this era and he would have used an app to communicate in Hungarian. And anyway, so I feel very emotionally connected to him. Like every time he comes out, I'll like give him gifts. Like weird chocolate, like for Valentine's Day, I gave him like, and I was like, is this? Oh no.

But, you know, does he think you are in love with him? I don't think so. Chocolate's on Valentine's Day is pretty romantic. But he came around that time and he went and got a screw for me. Thank you for my screw. Thank you for my screw. There is some definitely.

Some sexual undertones. But you know, that's it, I think. I don't think I've ever seen anyone in an animal. That's kind of cool though. I think it's nice to believe that about the Task Rabbit. What do you think that is though? That little girl in India, like what do you think that? I think she said something in Hindi.

Like, I mean, if I'm being realistic and practical about it, yeah, she just said a word or some syllables of words that sounded exactly like and just happened to be like such a crazy coincidence. But it's fun to believe that she's me in another life and that your grandpa is in your task grab and found you. Like there's something beautiful about people finding each other again.

It's nice. No, it's so special. Do you like have an inkling of you in a past life or like there's a version of you that's another race, another gender? Not really. I've never felt connected. I don't think.

I mean, there's definitely, there's jobs and things that I feel I would have been good at. Like there are routes in life I could have taken that I didn't take, but I don't feel like there's another world that I'm doing that necessarily. What are the jobs, what would you do? I feel like I could be a psychologist.

You could. Like I enjoy that. So that would be a job that I would have enjoyed doing. An orna, I would love to be an orna. You kind of are. We've talked about this. It's why like dating us is too hard. It's hard because we're just like,

you'll end up sharing a lot more than you probably wanna share. Yeah, you get people to share stuff that's like maybe they didn't want. It happened with my gay boyfriend, obviously. What did he tell you? He was like, again, like, oh, I'm a Pisces. Sorry to bring it back to him.

You know, it's such a big part of my life right now. It's just your boyfriend. But again, like, oh, I'm a Pisces. Sorry to bring it back to him. You know, it's such a big part of my life right now. It's just your boyfriend. But yeah, he's like, I'm a Pisces. And I was like, oh, are you like a prototypical Pisces? And he's like, yeah, it's like water. I'm really calm. I was like, that's not fucking Pisces, man. Like Pisces are not cold.

No, that's rough waters. Yes, water signs in general do not equate being even keel. And so I was like, actually Pisces are typically more emotional. And he was like, oh, I'm definitely not that. And I was like, oh, like how come, and then he goes into like his father was Japanese, very reserved. And so he never talked about his feelings.

And he had a female twin sister, but she also never shared, like even though she was a girl, they just grew up in a household where everyone was kind of keeping things under wraps. And then I, you know, I was like, so your rising sign is who you appear and your sign sign is who you actually are. So maybe actually you are very emotional.

It's just that's not how you present. And he was like, oh. And then he started crying. He didn't cry, but he was like, I'm going to be thinking about that for a really long time. He was like, that's actually like really true. What's his rising? He would never know. I mean, he was the least Pisces man I've ever met.

Like he was very matter of fact. He didn't come off as a Pisces. I mean, he's born on February 29th. Oh my God, Lea Blee? Exactly. So limited a dish. He's only, he's like 10 or 11. Oh my God, I love that.

I know, it would have been, you know. It's not over yet. It's not over yet. I don't think it's over yet. Do you have something with someone that you think it's not over yet? Oh, that's a good question. There is one person, no, there's two people on earth.

One is such a stretch. Like there was never a relationship with this person. I just liked this person a lot. They were in a relationship. This was many, many years ago. I think about him enough in life that I wonder if that will ever come back around. I mean, it's probably married.

Half of them don't work out. And I don't follow him on Instagram. So I don't know what's going on. No. How do you have the willpower to think about someone and then know that you have access to a channel that is a portal into a lot of your lives and not go for it?

I like keeping him. Mysterious. Yeah, and I don't need to know too much about him. I think that might ruin it. Like I like the place he holds. There's one other person who I had more of an actual connection to who I sometimes wonder. But also when I really think about him, I don't.

It's like a fantasy more than like an actual. It's more like, oh fuck, like should I have tried harder? Oh, I hate that. Yeah, but then no. Like when I really sit with it, it's like, yeah, why do we do that? Well, it's hard when people are good. Like it really is.

It's hard when people are nice and good and seemingly like a great partner, then you second guess when you're out of that relationship because you're like, well, what the fuck am I hoping for? But you're hoping for a special chemistry and just cause people are great, doesn't mean you have that. I am so guilty of that.

I wanna know more about why we do that. I guess it's like, okay, you're telling yourself a story, it's giving you an illusion of control, probably to be like, well, if I'd done this differently, then this would be, and it's like, no. But my mind will go to that a lot. And I'm like, can I break that pathway and just think about something else?

Okay, if there was a device. Maybe your gay boyfriend will invent it. I always hear gay now. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm not interested. Jess. He's not so much an inventor, but that's okay. Okay, what if you had a device? Cause this happened on Love is Blind, like they gave each other bracelets where when they thought about the other person, it would buzz if you had a device

that allowed you to know whenever someone is thinking about it. No! Would you want it? No! No! Absolutely not! You would? Am I crazy? I mean, not if, okay, look, I would get annoyed, but for a day, I would love it.

I wouldn't get annoyed. I would get paranoid if it wasn't going up. It would have such an impact on myself, the steam, if it wasn't happening. It would have a hold on you. Yeah, I couldn't do that. Oh yeah, if you go a day and you're like, no one, yeah. No one thought about me all day.

But that's impossible. That's the thing, like, one thought about me all day. But that's impossible. That's the thing. I think about you every day. At least, again, we think about a lot of things. We don't realize how many thoughts are going through our mind. Honestly, we'd be buzzing all the time. It's like likes. It would become a whole thing where you're like, five buzzes today and then the next

day, oh my gosh, only two buzzes. Those other people decided to stop. It would become, I think it would become bad psychologically. Like a black mirror. Wow. We shouldn't be talking about this because someone's going to make it. Wait, do they make it on Love is Blind? Well, it's not reading your mind.

He will like touch it and then it buzzes her. And then what's weird is that they got engaged to other people or like she did and they're still wearing it. And I'm like, what? Love is Blind is nuts. It's a wild ride. But I mean, it's a cute gift, not to someone who's engaged to someone else,

but if you're in a long distance thing or you're on a reality show where you can't see each other. But don't you also think, let's say you have that with your gay boyfriend, okay? And you guys are actually together. This is once everyone moved to Los Angeles. Then he goes on a trip for his heart. And you've been together like a year and a half now.

It's not new. Are you gonna be like, oh fuck, I have to send an alarm reminder to send it to him because he's gonna be upset if I don't send it and now it's an obligation that I always have to send the little ding. I think this is too complex. It can get dicey,

but then if you're in a fight and then you get a little buzz. Well, can you just send a text? I guess you can, but the little buzz is cuter. It's a way to break the, I love ways to break fights that are funny. What's your best way? Farting. If you can time that out where that happens, god, that's so great. Farts can make everything better. Yeah, they bring a levity. Or though it can be aggressive. Like, oh my God, we're in the middle of something so serious

and you've decided to fart right now. Yeah, I could see getting pissed about that. I wonder if any divorces have like hinged on a fart. I think so. There's no way it hasn't. I wonder if any divorces have like hinged on a fart. I think so. There's no way it hasn't. I'm not saying it's happened a lot, but it has happened. Well, I know like, okay, I know a couple and one of the members farts a lot, mainly at night.

And the other member is like, stop. It's like disrespectful because the other person just doesn't give a fuck and it like smells and is annoying and loud and this person has to just sit in this other person's stink and it can feel disrespectful or like just not conscientious. Just go into the other room. You don't even care that I have to sit in your stink.

But it's happening while he's sleeping? No, I think they're awake. So he's doing it like right. Yeah, it's like doesn't care and the covers It's like a lot of people do that really we've talked about this But like I've never gone to a point Well, not never two out of three one relationship where he would fire all the time and like it was just funny and like Didn't smell no and he would go to, he wouldn't do it in my face. Oh, okay. He would be like kind about it.

You're right, it's a respect thing. Yeah, there's respect involved. Yeah. Okay, I feel like we should get into some questions, but I did wanna bring up one thing, just cause it's on my mind, cause I read it this morning. So David Ferrier, he has a newsletter like you do. And did you read his web worm today?

He like wrote this story of his friend from a long time ago, his friend in New Zealand, or someone he worked with's roommate killed their neighbor. Oh. And he tells sort of this vague recollection of what happened. And David knew, yeah, I guess his friend was at their apartment. Multiple people lived there and one of them came in at like midnight, shaved his beard and then washed, like did laundry.

But if you don't know, you know, it's like, it could be anything. Yeah. And then like some sirens came and for a week, no one knew anything, but they were just, yeah, the neighbor was murdered and somebody else was stabbed. And the roommate, they're watching TV together for this week. Isn't this crying? And then he got arrested.

I won't spoil, but people should read this. It's really, I don't know how I could like go on trusting anyone ever again. Was this N-Rumain a weird guy or like, I mean I think he was like nice enough but in the web worm he talks a little bit about some of his idiosyncrasies and it is a little... It's only in retrospect though, like everyone has little weirdo things. And why did he kill the neighbor? We don't know. They just got into an argument. No, I think the neighbor often had like parties and he hated the noise.

The guy who killed him? Yeah. Oh my God. I know. I mean, sometimes I get really annoyed at noise but I feel like I want to kill someone, but I don't. Yeah, well, don't do it. Isn't that scary?

It's very scary. Do you ever think, okay, so we've talked about this. About killing? No, I will be honest. I've never in my life had the inclination to kill. I've never plotted a murder, like or like thought about it as like a solution to any of my problems.

But so many people get murdered that I think murderers don't think that they're going to be murderers. Don't you think they're just like us? No, it depends, I guess, on the type of crime or the situation or what happens, but often, no, I mean, often people are like psychopaths or sociopaths, and they might not know that they're going to murder, but they're not like us. And then some people may find themselves in a situation, they might be more like us or where they do it, but that maybe feels more like self-defense or something.

Right, right. Or like protecting a kid or something like that. But no, I don't think people who murder out of anger, I don't know actually. And if I came to you and I was like, I accidentally killed this guy and like, would you- Turn you in? Like, how would you react?

Would you just be like, you're fine? Cause I feel like that's what I would do. I would do that like idiot. Like he, you know- He deserved it. He deserved like, it's not your fault. I would just try and help my friend. If my friend is you, like, I know you're not,

sociopath, I know you're not a bad person, and genuinely, like, you're going, like, you murdered someone, like, that's tough. Being murdered is hard, but like, also murdering is like, that's not a great place to be. It's not great. Yeah, I think I would say, okay, tell me what happened. Tell me everything that happened.

Then I guess we'd come up with some sort of a game plan. Okay, here's the truth. If I thought you had gone crazy, or like something was going on mentally with you, where you were at this point like a threat to others, I would turn you in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which probably doesn't feel good to hear.

But if you're a threat to others, I have to. If you just killed your gate boyfriend in the heat of the moment, because it was too passionate, or if he was trying to hurt you or something like that, your threat to others, I have to. If you just killed your gate boyfriend in the heat of the moment, because it was too passionate, or if he was trying to hurt you or something, like that's the, it's not fine, but let's figure out, let's figure this out.

Although I don't know what would, what would we do if you killed someone? Would we just try to keep it quiet? Or would we go to the police and say, hey, I was attacked? Like I almost think it's better to say I was attacked and in self-defense, I did like, is it, or is that naive? Well, data shows that like women who are incarcerated,

I think it's literally for murder, like 90% of them were in self-defense. So that's where I'm also like, that's not safe. You know, if she's not white, if she's like, you know, it's just like there's so many vulnerabilities. But that's a good question. Like everything I would do, like even your David story, like of like shaving your beard and doing the laundry.

Like I feel like I just know that from movies. I would just do what they do in movies. I don't know what you're supposed to do. Hide the evidence. I clean the blood. But then it's like, you're gonna get caught. So that's why I wonder if going at it head on is better. Cause then you seem, you definitely seem super guilty

if you get caught. Yeah. If you say like, I was being attacked, this happened. Yeah. How can you hide murder? Exactly. Did you ever watch search party? It's like all about that. No, I didn't.

It's just, there's so many of all the crimes. Too many things. Just like, and just mess wise. Try not to. Yeah. If you can avoid it. Try not to. Yeah. If you can avoid it. Try not to murder. Okay, well on that, let's do a couple of questions.

Yeah, I'd prefer if you didn't, because that will put us in a sticky situation. I mean, I would, when I watch Succession, and like there's a, not to like, whatever, people haven't watched it, it's too, you know, it's your problem, but you feel for Kendall. That he killed a guy. But do you think that's the same?

He was culpable, but it was an accident. That's true. Okay, so if you came to me and you were like, oh my God, that story. Like, I was drunk and I drove somebody and we drowned the car and they're dead. That's so hard. I feel like we should have a moment of gratitude

of the fact that like we both haven't murdered anybody. Actually for real, because I'm sure, by the way, there's listeners who have accidentally been in a situation where someone, I mean, I know people who had car accidents and it was technically their fault, car accidents, or accidents, but people have died. And that, I have so much sympathy and empathy.

And that is for the grace of God, go I. Like that could be any of us at any time. Oh, I'm really scared of it. I was thinking about it the other day because I was driving and this unhoused person was just crossing. Yes. All the time, they're obviously not well.

And so they're not paying attention to any of the rules and you're just driving and and all of a sudden, they're in the front of your car. It wouldn't be that hard to accidentally kill someone. The same thing happened in Matine, like, on Sun's, like a busy street. This guy just walked in. It's tough.

It's scary. Yeah, it's sad. So stay safe out there, guys. Stay safe, and also and also like life is brutal and like things do happen. Right. I feel anxious talking about this like something bad's gonna happen.

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This deal is only available through our link. You must go to drinklmnt.com slash sync sync. Oh, oh my God. Okay, this is a great question already. Okay, ready? Coworker stinks. I need help telling him nicely so I can talk to him about work without being overwhelmed by the smell.

Madison. Oh, hi Monica and Liz. Questions on Sinked is the highlight of my week so I had to see if you have good advice for this awkward issue I'm having at work. My coworker has a smell. For the past two weeks, every time he comes to my office to ask me a question or work on something together,

there's a strong scent coming from him. It is very overwhelmingly unpleasant and I don't know how to politely let him know he needs to do some laundry or clean his sweaty shoes. This coworker is somewhat of a superior to me, but he isn't at the top. Though he is the same age as me so we tend to talk about more than just work together, I would consider us more than coworkers. He's very friendly and I would hate to make him feel bad, but the smell is too much. I thought it was an absence of deodorant for a while or an accidental fart here and there. But I noticed the smell

every day. I believe it's a smelly shoe or dirty laundry scent. But I don't know how to let him know that I can't handle the smell. Do I just put up with it and get distracted from work due to the smell or kindly let him know without outright telling him he needs to be more clean? I also considered wearing a stronger perfume to mask the smell, but that would give me a headache. He shares his smaller office with someone else, and I can't figure out how she can put up with the smell. It wasn't this bad before, but lately it's all I can think about when he's around.

Am I being rude or is this a valid concern? Help me. Okay, I have friends who were in this position, and we discussed it a lot. What do they do about this? And was it a friend that you also knew? I didn't know the person that the spell was coming from. I didn't meet that person, and yes, there was a strong spell. It wasn't easier, but it was BO.

Deodorant would have fixed it. So then we had talks like, do we get her like a gift basket for her birthday that has just a bunch of deodorants in it? Sprays? I think ultimately they didn't do anything. Like it's it's such a hard thing to do. Especially since it's a superior, I think that's a real tricky. You don't want to jeopardize that there is a power dynamic there. I also would want a second opinion because we've talked about the smell.

Again, I'm not gaslighting you. I believe you that there's a smell. But maybe you do want to talk to the woman who shares an office with him just to corroborate the information before. Because then it could be just like a pheromonal thing. You're wondering. Yeah. But that's gossipy about a superior smell.

And that is opening up a door that I don't know if it's smart. She could do it in a kind way. I think, again, there's a risk to everything. Obviously the easiest thing to do would be to hold your breath when you're around him and not do anything so that you're not jeopardizing the relationship or like your job. But I would perhaps approach the woman in a cut and do

it with the best intentions as you have laid out in the letter. Like, I feel like someone needs to tell him, but I, you know, do you smell it too? Like, and I would say it's not, ew, like this is gross, but be like, if I had a smell like that, I would want someone to tell me, am I imagined? I don't know. Is that too much? You think that's like, that's worse. Well, what if she's like, I don't smell anything.

Then you have your answer. But then you're in hot water. You invent something. You're like, I have a weird, I got a nasal spray situation. I must be, thanks for telling me, that's crazy. I must have something going on with my nose. You make it about you.

Unless that person who shares the office is close to you, it's tricky. I think you can only talk about it with someone who is very, very trusted to get a second opinion. Or you could, okay, me and you almost tested this once. You could go out for like work drinks and then invite some of your other friends or something. And then see if they smell the smell.

Yeah. We tried to do that once. We tried to. It didn't work out. There were other reasons. I can't believe we actually... Well, because we were trying to decipher, is it actually a smell or is it the smell, our own smell issue?

Here's the other thing. If it's not a deodorant thing, she thinks it might be a stinky shoe. A stinky shoe is that smelly? Is it like moldy? Cause you know how some people, they don't dry the clothes all the way in the laundry and then there is like a moldy smell. And that is awful.

Disgusting. If it's shoes, it's actually kind of good. Easy. Literally when he comes into your office or whatever, you go like, oh, what's that smell? Do you smell that? And then like start smelling and getting closer to his shoes. Say, I think it's coming from down.

No. And then they're like, I think it's your shoes. Do you smell it? Oh my God, Liz, in practicality, would you ever feel comfortable honestly being like, oh my gosh, I think it's your shoes, like to their face, to their shoe. Yeah, you get down on your, like so that you're almost like being naive and being like, that's weird as opposed to having like an agenda. And then maybe it'll, they'll smell their own shoes and be like, oh my God, you're right. Obviously they don't smell it if they're walking around like that. That's terrifying.

This is terrifying because I'm like, what if this was me? This is a good example. It was my sister, so I feel like she can do it, but I was at work and my sister was coming into town in New York and she came up to my desk and then she like hugged me and then she like pointed to her mouth and she was like, I think you should have gum and like that was it. My sister is like the nicest fucking person.

She said it in a really kind, like almost like, just like, oh, you should have like a gum. Not like you have this problem, you're disgusting. Almost like treating it like, oh, this is not what you actually, you normally, you should have like a gum. Not like you have this problem, you're disgusting. Almost like treating it like, oh, this is not what you actually, you normally, you know. I think there's something you probably ate. Like these are shoes you never wear because you always smell good.

But like right now it's, you're like, scrambling. This is like an impossible question. I think it's hard. I think what you, speaking of gum, every time you're in his presence, you should just pop a mint. I don't think it's his breath,

so I don't think you're offering him. But sometimes to me, if I have like an altoid, it's so strong that it's all I can smell. So then if you just cover up your own nose. You know what they do when they go into like houses of like hoarders and like people's houses are a mess and maybe they haven't been taking care of themselves. They put Vicks.

Oh right. That's what I'm under their nose. Exactly, menthol. Yeah, it's like, yeah. So you could do. Ha ha ha. As soon as he comes in, excuse me. Ha ha ha.

Grabs the Vicks. That's why she's mad. I think, okay, I feel like try three Altoids because that's strong, right? That's a lot. I know, you need it to be strong. I feel like even one is too much for me. Try enough so that it's like kind of overwhelming

and that's all you can smell. And then if that is impossible to keep up and also maybe try this thing with work, drinks to see if it's just you. Because, okay, there's a small part of me that worries, what if it's the food he eats or something? Cause then there's nothing you can do that's maybe culturally. I went through my mind and again,

I'm assuming this is a white person, but yes, if it's anything that's could be different, smells are subjective. Yes. I wish we, could be different. Smells are subjective. Yes. I wish we had a better answer. I hate to say it. I think it's like, you kind of have to suffer through it and try the alt-toids.

Try to like just keep some physical distance if you can. And hope somebody else's closer to him says something. If somebody else's job. There you go. Sucks cause you're the one suffering. It's hard. There should be a word, you know, we use, like a, or like a,

or like maybe there should be a bracelet. Someone like, The Dink Smell. Dink smell. And then you don't know who told you, but you know you're smelly right now. Are you paranoid about your smells? So, yeah.

Yeah, paranoid. Yeah. I am too. I'm not saying everyone should be that way, but having a certain level of like checking yourself. I'm extra. I'm so anxious about how I smell. I think also from childhood,

like being so worried that there was gonna be a smell that was gonna like be repellent. I don't think that's great either, but you could give them some cologne for Christmas. But if it's like moldy, that's not gonna help. It's got to be somebody else who tells him though. It can't be a co-worker. What if you write a note, like an anonymous note? No, because it might open up this like crazy investigation and then he might go around to everyone and be like, who wrote that? Like,

we don't know what things will lead to. Like the murders. Like you don't know what this one act could lead to. But also not acting could also lead to many acts. Like maybe this guy's single and he's not, you know, he's showing up to dates with the smell and he doesn't know. And he's like, why aren't things working out? Again, I would want to know. Okay, meaning halfway for you.

I think you could say, huh, what's the smell? Yes. Let it go though. Don't try to figure it out in the moment. Bring up the smell, but then let it go. So that maybe he's like, oh, is there one? Oh, that's smart. And then if somebody else later says something similar,

then he might put pieces together. Okay. I wouldn't figure it out for him or tell him about the shoes, but I think it's okay to be like, hmm, what's this smell? Do you smell that? And then just let it go.

Let it go. And then do your altruids. And leave them out. Leave little bits of evidence. Mixed vapor rub. There's something to do about the shoes being so gross that they're smelly that's like, that's rough.

That's so intense. That means there's, it that's like, that's rough. That's so intense. Like that means there's, it's like waterlogged with mold. And I kind of know what that smell is. There's someone I know who had that smell in high school. And it was really sad. It was so overwhelming. It was so bad. People talked about it.

I think someone who was higher up in charge, in a way I'll say, like a teacher sort of said something. I don't know how they did it. That happened to me too in high school to a boy, but there was a racial component. I felt that it was very awful what happened to him. And I heard that a teacher had talked to the parents. The whole thing was one of the worst instances of bullying that I went in on. It was just like, it's awful. This is different. I don't, I don't.

Now I'm like, just don't sit. Maybe don't, yeah. Vicks, Vapor, Rob. I'll tell you. I'll tell you, it's in Vicks. You'll be fine. I think so. Yeah. Oh my God.

Cause it could be very sad. It's true, we didn't consider that. And now I'm only considering it based on this high school experience and now remembering the details of that person's life. And as a kid, you're not thinking much of it, but as an adult, it's really sad. That's true.

So I think you just have to suck it up, literally. Get them new shoes, last thing. For Christmas. That could be a fun gift again. If you're close enough, it's hard with the co-worker, you could be like, I got this free gift card from Nike. Oh my God, that's always free advice. Like I got this free thing, do you want it? Is it?

Yeah, it was your advice for a skincare thing too. I got this for free, do you want it? Cause then it's not like I went out and I bought this for you. It's like, I actually think it's smart. I'm not gonna use it. Do you want it? If it is a financial thing, that they can buy new shoes. Yeah.

I don't know if we did anything. Can I put it on the record though? If I smell, no matter where it's coming from, I would really want you to tell me. How do you want me to tell you if that happens? I think you go, Liz, if it's a be out thing, like I think you should take a shower. Being direct with me, it's coming from you.

Like it's not coming from like a random stranger that's just like being mean to me. Like I would appreciate it. I want the same. You have no smell. I've never smelled anything on you, ever. Just like I don't want you to murder. I'd also try not to smell.

Okay. Cause I don't want to be in the position to tell. Okay, so I will use that as a motivation. Or we could come up with the word. We could come up with a safe word. But then it's the same thing. Yeah. Might as well just say like,

I feel like there's a little smell. And then we know what that means. Okay. My best friend, when we were growing up, she would take off her shoes and it was like, we were inside a cheese. And I would physically go like, whoa. And again, she knew it and when the

person knows it it's fine yes like she'll be like oh my god sorry my feet like you know and then it's fine that could have been like a puberty thing because that's kind of common oh yeah yeah it's like I would be so stressed really like well it's cool I mean it is much better you're right because then they can just be like I know know. And that's great. When the person acknowledged, it's so nice. Yeah. It happens.

Oh my God. This was stressful. And some people love the bad smell. Like even someone's stinky smell, like will be someone's lovely. To an extent. I think moldy. Yeah moldy.

Is probably no one's cup of tea. Although I can't speak for anyone. That's true. Okay. We spent a long time on this. Yeah. Which we needed to. We needed to. So we've run out of tea, although I can't speak for it. That's true. Okay, we spent a long time on this, which we needed to. We needed to. So we've run out of time, unfortunately.

Oh, there's some really good ones. My husband baby talks and I really don't like it. Yes. 25 year old female hasn't orgasmed yet. Oh, I love that. Okay, so we're gonna do those next week. That's a little cliffhanger for you. There's also many more.

These are so good. Please keep writing in. Thank you so much for writing in. These questions are amazing. So fun. Okay, and then I'm gonna see you in Austin. In Texas, baby. We're gonna have a breakfast.

We need to pick a place. Rob, where should we eat breakfast? I'll come back to you. Okay, you'll come back to us. Okay, maybe we'll take some pictures or something there. Maybe we'll do a TikTok. Oh my God. Who knows?

Maybe, maybe there's an Austin. When in Texas. Yeah, exactly. All right, love you. Love you too.