Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Synced: Hot Girl Hobbies

Episode Date: January 17, 2024

In this week's episode of Synced, Monica and Liz share their natal charts, they debate the validity of pet psychics, and Liz receives advice from another Uber driver. They answer listener questions on breaking up one's family for 'true' love, how to recover after faking orgasms in a relationship, and how to cope with not feeling wanted. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hello! Hey! Hello. Are you rolling? Ghost. Weird. Ew, why is that happening? Why is it doing that?

Are you here? I'm here. Are you sure? Do we even know if we're here? Great question. It's the question. Who would confirm? It's all a sim. I still feel like it's New Year vibes. Like, I feel like I have, like, a new pair of shoes on. And, like, even though I didn't just get them and I've worn them a few times, I feel like they're fresh and they're new. Yeah, I read somewhere that the new year doesn't really start until January 10th. Oh, really?

Not calendar-wise, but we can take our time entering the new year and then on the 10th is the real start. I heard that it's in the spring and people are saying it's silly that it's in the middle of winter and the fact that your resolutions aren't sticking or that you don't feel this surge of energy to change your whole life is normal and that if you're not feeling it, you can wait a few months and it makes kind of more sense. I think there is a rebirth in the spring. I mean, there's a nature. Sure, it's called something.

A cycle of life that happens. So I was so ready for 2023 to be over. Like, 2023 was like, oh my God. And I didn't realize how many people were feeling the exact same way. I feel like now that we're on the other side, people are admitting, or just more and more people are telling me like,

oh yeah, that was the worst few months of my life. And I was like, oh wait, I didn't realize that. I thought it was kind of just, we were all just kind of doing it on our own. But yeah, 2024, new year. How do you feel about it? I feel low energy still. It's going to, I think it's going to take a minute to really drop into the year, but that's okay. It is what it is. I had my natal chart read, which was exciting. Was that your first natal chart reading? It was. Have you had one? I had my birth chart. Is that the same thing or is it different?

I mean, it's an astrology thing. Yeah. So I had my birth chart. And it's so funny because I was looking for my diary for a video. And then I opened an old diary, not that old, but a few years, and it was my birth chart reading, which is so funny because you had yours. So you went to an astrologer also? I have an astrologer, yes. Oh, you have one that you go to? It's part of my team. Yeah, it's part of my mental health team. Oh my gosh. Was this a new person? I've never done it. A friend gifted it to me.

Oh, and it's a good present. It is a good present. Yeah. So I scheduled it, this wonderful woman named Clarice, It is a good present. Yeah. So I scheduled it, this wonderful woman named Clarice. And it was fun. It was a Zoom and she just broke down all of my stuff. It's complex.

So I was following, but I missed a bunch of stuff, I think. Did you record it? You have to record it. We recorded it. And then she also is going to send me some highlights. What was like a main takeaway? I have so many, which I knew this, but when I could see it all together, I have so many houses in Virgo. So many, which is quite funny. And she's not like a fortune teller, right? But she asked if I wanted to know anything kind of, or if I had

any questions or what I was thinking about. And so I did ask this specific question. And then when I did, I started to panic. Oh, what was the question? Well, it was about the future. I don't want to say what, but part of the reason I sort of, I'm anti like having your tarot card reading or going to a psychic. I'm really against that because I think it could be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Or what if they tell you something horrible? And then everyone says, they don't ever tell you anything horrible. That's not what they do. So then when I was talking to her and I had asked this question, I got pretty panicked that she was going to say something bad.

And it kind of started at first to sound like it was bad. And I was like, oh my God, what have I done? But then it wasn't. It wasn't. It was a good outcome. Well, they never tell you like you're going to die, right? Exactly. I've never had a psychic. Okay. I know people who have psychics. I kind of want to get one in. It's kind of on my list. Okay. I know someone who had a pet psychic and it was all true. There's no way to know if it's true. Okay. So my friend Daryl has a dog, Lula. One of the questions was, why do you always come into the bathroom with me? Oh no, you weren't there.

You know the story. I was there when he told it. Yeah. But no one listening knows it. Oh, okay. Then the pet psychic said through the soul and spirit of Lula, oh, I just like being with you. And then Daryl was like, okay, but like it really annoys me. And then after the pet psychic told him that, Lula comes into the bathroom now, but turns around, faces the wall. How could that possibly be explained by anything else? Like a habitual dog habit fundamentally changed. Even Rob believes it. He has a smile on his face.

I'm laughing at Monica's reaction because I'm on the same page as her. Yeah, of course. I have two friends who've done pet psychics. It's so ridiculous. It's so ridiculous. The dog is with the psychic? No, the dog wasn't even there. And it's not dead?

It's not dead. I think they should change the name for it. I feel like it's a dog communicator. It's like someone to help translate. Because Lula wasn't even in the same house. She was at their friend's house. And while he was getting the reading, she was going crazy. Like she kept going all over the place.

How could she know? You can find meaning in anything. That's true. And people do, and they want to. People are constantly seeking out meaning, which is fine. Like that's great. That's something fundamental to us. We're always making meaning. And I think that's what's happening here. I don't think necessarily

any of that is true, but if it helps you and if you like it, go forth. Continue to believe. But I think meaning is rational. Like, of course, you can have doubts about the term psychic. I'm with you. Dogs have feelings. Dogs sense things. Dogs, like, you know, there's all kinds of stuff that happens between dogs and people that's not just made up, right? Yeah. No, I'm not saying feelings are made up, but to say a dog is in another house and just happens to be hyper and then to say that's because there was a psychic reading happening far away is to me a leap. Okay, so you've never had like a feeling about something

and then something happened and you're like, oh, that's why I was feeling that way or like that happens all the time. We have feelings and like sense energies. Sure, I don't think I can argue with you today about the validity of pet psychics. Anyway, I think you want to do a psychic for yourself. Yeah. What would you ask?

Maybe, yeah, I would feel the same way as you where I don't know if I want to know. Well, I always want to know and I'm trying to not do that anymore because it's really, you end up sabotaging yourself by wanting to know. Like, I feel like I've like ended things more quickly. And then when I look back, I'm like, oh, that was just me not being able to tolerate not knowing how it was going to pan out. So as much as I'm tempted to do it, it's probably something I need to do less of. But maybe if I saw a psychic, she would just tell me and then I would be like, okay, now I know. So I don't have to think about it anymore. Maybe it would like fix me.

Yeah. That's the part that I do think can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. That's the part that I think is scary. Unless it's positive things. That would be great. And that's why I have heard that they only do that.

But I don't, what if they don't? It's too late if you hear something bad. Yeah. Or if they tell you the person you're with is not, you're not supposed to be with them. They must say that sometimes, but they must get the vibe, I don't know, off of you. I do have a

love line going through Mexico City. Ooh. Which seems interesting, so I feel like I want to visit. I already want to visit there. Me too. I really want to go. My friends are going in two weeks. I probably won't. But it's also become like the second New York City.

Have you heard of that? Tons of people have moved there. Like I know people who have moved there. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's supposed to be very cool. It's very cool. And I also have one running close to New York. Oh, my gosh.

Yeah. But that doesn't mean you have to be there. It could just mean like that person's from there or has connections to there or something like that. So New Yorkers and Mexico Cityans. Okay. Do you like people from New York? Yeah.

Do I know that many? I'm trying to think. My friend Maddie's from New York. Love her. I don't know that many, I guess. It's like LA. I know very few actual people from LA and I don't know very many actual people from New York either. It's hard to, it's one,

those are the cities, right? Where people flock. Right. But there's like a certain type that lives in New York. That live there. Yeah. That's able to do that. And I love New York so much. So, I mean, it's my favorite city in the world. But I do know I can't live there. No? Not at this stage in life. I wish I had done it at some point. But at this point, no.

It's too exhausting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd love to visit. But it's like a beat down, as you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I miss New York right now, weirdly, even though it's freezing there. Everyone's like, we want to come and visit you. And I'm like, I miss New York.

There's something about the winter that's really nice. You have to really bundle up. You do. Everything comes with hardship. So you feel like you've earned stuff. Well, that's New York. That's everything about it. You feel like every day you've accomplished something

just by kind of surviving. I like when things are hard. Do you like when things are hard? Well, what do you mean? If things are too easy, I don't know if it's that I get bored or start affecting like my self-esteem in a weird way. Interesting.

Yeah, I love LA, but I'm more of a New Yorker in that way. Huh, that's funny. I wouldn't have said that about you. I have people in my life who I would say like, nothing can be easy for them. Just everything has to be a climb. And I find them exhausting.

Oh, interesting. That's a lot. But you don't think I'm like that? Not really. I mean, in a positive way. I don't think you need struggle. I mean, I think people who need struggle are just then never going to be happy.

Like you're just going to find it. Because there's struggle everywhere. If you're looking for that and that's how you're walking through the world and subconsciously telling yourself you need it, nothing to be happy. Like, you're just going to find it. Because there's struggle everywhere. If you're looking for that, and that's how you're walking through the world and subconsciously telling yourself you need it, nothing will be easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I think I like challenge.

Sure, that's much different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, you know, again, this year I was like, reflecting a little too much and rereading my diary again for our video. I was like, just leafing through things. And I was like, I don't even know who I'm talking about or what job thing I'm talking about, but this could be the same diary entry over and over and over and over and over again. And you just replace the name with a

different thing. And that's when I realized, wow, like this is just, it's just patterns. It's patterns. And yes, your brain will always, it's like, it's called negativity bias. Like it's what allowed us to survive and thrive and like be here with podcast mics and cars and computers, like survive the world we live in. But it means that our brain immediately goes to negative. Like if you give nothing to do with your average brain, it'll go to something negative more likely than something positive

because that's like a survival mechanism. So you have to deliberately, yeah, give yourself positive things to think about or else, yeah, you'll go to struggle. Yeah, negativity bias is like the negative comment resides 10 times more than the positive comment. It affects you more because evolutionarily, like those were the things you would need to avoid

so that you could stay in your tribe. So yeah, like you have to force yourself to not just get taken down. I have a fair amount of people, or I'm thinking of one person in my life who's addicted to finding the negative thing. And it's exhausting. It's like, we don't know what to say anymore.

No one knows what to say. No one can make it better because you don't really want it to be better. I think a lot of people think negativity, it's like the most sticky form of communication. Like they, it's easier to talk about something you dislike than something you like. Yeah.

But it doesn't go very far. Then you just get like in this loop of stuff you don't like. And it's not interesting. And I was just thinking about this. I was listening to a podcast that I really like. But they were talking about a movie. And of course, you know, it's also, of course, everyone has their opinions. But I'm just like over everyone's negative opinions about everything.

And these are platforms or podcasts. Like they're, of course, going to talk about what they don't like, but I'm just over it. Like, I don't want to hear your reason for why you think this is bad or why you think this is bad or this is bad. Negativity feels a little arrogant to me because nobody's in anyone else's shoes, and they're just—

Judging. Exactly. They feel entitled to, like, a negative judgment. Right. I mean, that's the internet in a nutshell. It's more than just— Judging. Exactly. They feel entitled to a negative judgment. Right. I mean, that's the internet in a nutshell. It's more than just the internet now. I feel like it's everyone. That we're getting more negative?

I think. Interesting. I feel overall that the last few years have felt particularly difficult for people. It's one thing to just be like stable negative. I feel like the pandemic was kind of that of just this like low grade. I mean, not stable.

There were a lot of ups and downs, but it was like, oh, this sucks. And this is going to be this way for a little bit. And then I think what crushed us was the hope that- It'd be better. That it'd be better. Like, oh, then it'll go back or then we'll glean all these lessons, which like-

We didn't. Yeah, it actually got worse in some respects. it'll go back or then we'll glean all these lessons, which like. We didn't. Yeah. It actually got worse in some respects. And so I feel like we're in a depressive episode. And yeah, you're talking to your friend that's like, everything is negative. Like no matter what you try and bring up that's positive, it's like, but this thing is happening and that thing is happening. And it's been something I've been trying to do.

I know you brought it up on the show of not just dwelling on negative things that are happening in the world because it becomes so painful if you think about it all the time that then you just end up avoiding. And I think, again, I'm realizing a lot of people were doing this, which was just kind of like rotting. I rotted a lot in the last few months of last year because I felt emotionally overwhelmed. I didn't really know how to like handle it. And so I was in that depressive, like negative loop. And yeah, I think it's going to take us a little bit to get out of it. I don't really know what the solution is.

But it requires, it's not, we're not going to just come out of it. Just like in our individual lives, you don't just come out of it and all of a sudden you're positive now. It requires work. It requires actively choosing to place your attention in a positive light as opposed to a negative one.

It's not that easy to do. It's not going to happen unless we're trying. And so I don't know. I just feel like I want to try to avoid a lot of the negative opinions and dilute the amount of negativity around me. Yeah. Because it'll take you down.

Well, it's contagious. I mean, happiness is contagious, but misery is even more. It's that thing that my Uber driver said, which I keep thinking about. The seeds? No, the being instead of doing. Did I not bring it up to you? Did I tell you? The poem?

Not the poem. Oh my God, I had another. Oh my. No, no, no. But this one was, I texted you about it. Maybe I didn't bring it up on you? Did I tell you? The poem? Not the poem. Oh my God, I had another. Oh my. No, no, no. But this one was, I texted you about it. Maybe I didn't bring it up on the show. You didn't. Maybe you said you had an Uber experience, but you didn't tell me what happened.

Oh, okay. So I just was getting my groceries. So it was a very short Uber ride. And we just start talking. And he's like, you know what? I just feel like since the pandemic, the last few years, I've just been doing a lot of thinking and not enough doing. That basically, right? It really blew my mind because he distilled it in such a simple, yet I feel like life-changing way where I was like, right, I'm just doing so

much thinking. And even these questions of are we doing too much therapy? Sometimes I feel like I'm spending all this time thinking and then talking about what I'm thinking about and then thinking about what I'm thinking about and thinking if what I'm thinking about is good or bad or should I be thinking about it differently instead of just doing and living, living. I think 2024 is about living and about doing. Coming back to things that are happening in the world, like do something. And it doesn't mean take it up all on your own, but go and join a group and make art out of it. There's so many different things that you can do and not just think about it.

And drown in your thoughts. Exactly. Because it doesn't help anything. No, it doesn't. Okay, I like that experience with the Uber driver. Did you give him your phone number? No, I didn't. Okay, good job.

It was a five-minute Uber ride. That's what I loved about it. It was like, again, I don't necessarily love to have a conversation, but I had to because the first thing he said, I get in the car and the first thing he said is like, whoa, I can't see red lights. And I was like, what? And he said it like casually. Nonchalant. Yeah, nonchalant. And I was like, what? And he's like, casually. Nonchalant. Yeah, nonchalant. And I was like, what? And he's like, oh, it's that I just got these blue light glasses and everything's the same except the red light.

So apparently he can see red, but the other colors are different. Well, he needs to take those glasses off if he's driving you. You need to see color. But he sees red, which I feel like is the most important one. And then can you make out the rest? I think he would not pass a driver's license with that. With blue light? You can't.

You have to be able to see appropriately. Okay. Well, people who are colorblind are allowed to drive. You can't drive if you can't pass the vision test. But you can have colorblind or difference in colors. Anyway, I don't know. I literally don't know about the colorblind thing with driving. I'm sure you can, but maybe they require something.

I don't know. I don't know. Maybe you could look it up. Yeah, they can drive. Does it say it requires anything? You don't need to notify the DVLA of your condition. It only affects how you see colors, not your vision. You can use other ways to follow the rules of the road.

I guess that's why they have the numbers. Yeah, the order of the lights is I guess for that. Anyway, then I was like, oh, why are you doing that? He's like, I'm trying to change habits and try new things. And I was like, yeah.

And it was, this happened a few days before the end of the year. And then that launched us into a whole conversation about habits. Wow. And it was the perfect conversation. It was five minutes and it changed my brain. That's great.

And so you're going to do more in 2024, but I think you should maybe give your phone number out 50% less. Less. Okay. That could be a goal. Yes. I will do that less. It's still doing.

I'll do. Yeah, it's doing. Yes, it counts. But I am going to do that. I am. I am. I am. Because I don do—yeah, it's doing. Yes, it counts. But I am going to do that. I am. I am. I am. Because I don't want to be on my phone.

I don't want to be thinking. And, you know, I want to be outside living my life. Yeah. Have you started playing guitar yet? I have. How's it going? It's going great. So I have a really shitty guitar.

So I bought a used one that's coming that's hopefully a little bit better. Because the one I have is really not great but I've been playing a lot of Taylor Swift songs oh my god will you do a concert in here? sure

tiny desk concert I think I'm going to learn how to sing wow because I loved singing as a kid and I think I probably need lessons

but hopefully someone maybe like a virtual lesson or something like that because I don't want to pay for an Uber every time I go. Yeah, too many conversations. Too many. Yeah, exactly. Too many life-changing events.

So, yeah, I've started listening to these YouTube things. So, it's not a screen-free hobby because I'm still kind of on the screen, but it's been good. And I started reading a novel. What are you reading? Okay, so I am already afraid. Have you heard of this, A Little Life? Oh, yes. I read half of it, I am already afraid. Have you heard of this, A Little Life? Oh, yes. I read half of it, I think. Oh. It's a beautiful book. I didn't finish because then I moved it to my

audiobook and I'm not good at audiobooks. Yeah. So I stopped. Oh, wow. Well, I just know that people warn each other about it. It's intense. You're going to cry your eyes out. Yeah. I like all of them and I'm like, oh God, which one is going to, I just know something's going to happen, but I don't know what yet. Well, that's great. Yeah, I'm doing it. We are supported by Element.

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That's Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash sync to get free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash sync. Hot Girl Hobbies. It's the new thing. Hot Girl Hobbies? What's your Hot Girl Hobby? What do you mean? What? I already am reading and writing

even though I'm not doing it. My resolution is not going well. Well, January 10th. I know. It hasn't started. I'm giving myself till tomorrow. That's great. You have time. That's your hot girl hobby. Tell me about hot girl hobbies.

I don't know the science of it, but from what I want to understand, it's when you want to reinvent yourself and be the woman that you want to be in the world, you need hobbies. You need something that's a passion and that's yours and that you want to be in the world, you need hobbies. You need something that's a passion and that's yours and that you're excited about. And I felt like I was languishing. I was like overly focused on things that weren't working well in my life, thinking that they would like save me

or like make me feel better. And I was like, oh no, I actually have to become the person and make my life really fun because no one else can do that for me. Oh, great. I love that. Okay, so you're reading more as well, and then you're playing guitar. And I'm playing guitar for you.

I can't wait for the concert. What song? Yeah. Deadline? Okay, I like Deadlines. And you're going to read us something? You're going to do a little reading? Sure.

And I'll do a little song? Oh, my God. This is so stressful. Yeah, mine seems unfair, because I could do it right now. Mine doesn't really take it. No, you have to read something you wrote. Oh, I wrote?

Oh, now I'm scared. Oh, this is scary. Okay, but this is good. Okay. I like this for us. I could also turn something that you write into a song. Oh, nope. I don't.

That's one step too far, I think. Okay, this is good. I'll tell you what to sing and play and then you tell me a topic to write about. Okay, I love this. Hawkgirl. Hobbying. And then we need a date. Okay. A month. A month. Okay, a month

from now. A month from today. So February 9th. Okay. Oh, I'm so scared. This is way too early. But this is what we do. We do hard things. We do. That's what me and you do. And we haven't, I think we stopped doing that.

We did. And we do them badly. And it doesn't matter. Yeah, that's true. I think that's the point. It doesn't, you won't. Writing badly is not going to be. Well, it's hard for you.

You're such a talented writer. Thank you. That's very nice. But also, all my houses are in Virgo. And— Well, it's hard for you. You're such a talented writer. Thank you. That's very nice. But also, all my houses are in Virgo, and it just makes it really hard. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. But I like that. This is good.

We need to— Okay. I need to push myself. Okay, great. Okay, so I want you to sing and play— Gosh. I mean, my favorite is My Tears Ricochet, but— Ugh. I'm going to let you decide if you want it to be more upbeat

or do you want it to be like sadder? I think sadder. Sadder? Oh, okay. Okay, then My Tears Ricochet. And then which one is your happy favorite? If I was going to make you do something a little happier, maybe something from Speak Now. Like mine or Mean.

Mean would be fun. I bet that's easier. Okay. Yeah, Ricochet is— It's hard. But I like a challenge. I just said it, so I have to do it. Okay, so you're singing and playing.

I just said Ricochet. Oh my God. And what should I write about? I want you to write an essay about… Oh my God. I don't know if I should just do this as a… Like, what's a fun thing to make you write? I want you to write an essay about farts, but I won't do that.

I… Oh, why not? You want me to? I bet you could turn that into something super deep. Look, I don't get to have a say. So if that's really… But do you think we talk too much about farts? Yeah, we talk too much about farts.

Okay. Oh my God, this is so good. You should, right now, write the title of the essay. Okay, I like that. And then I write the essay. So I will take whatever your title is, and I will run with it. Okay. The title of your essay has to be—

Oh my God, I have so many things in my head. Can you say it at the end of the episode? Sure. Okay, I'm going to think about it at the end of the episode. Okay, great. We really box ourselves in, which is great. I've heard and read that's where a lot of people's best work happens, when they're within a box.

It's a commitment device. It is, but also even creative-wise. You think you can be the most creative when there's no boundaries and no boxes, but actually, creativity really explodes within constraints. Ooh, that's really true. That's the best creative advice I ever received. For writing or for anything, give yourself less time to do something, not more time.

It's so counterintuitive, but it works. Okay, well, I'm really excited to hear what the essay title will be. And, oh, I want to bring something up that's bothering me. Oh, I guess I just want to talk about it. Our healthcare system. It's not really our healthcare system, but it is a little bit. So tell me if Canada is different in this way. I can guarantee it is.

I'm sure it is. So I am on this seizure medication, as you know, as everyone knows. And it's an intense medication. You can't just skip a day. And if and when I get off of it, I'll have to wean off of it. And my pharmacist texted and said, like, you need a refill, but they won't refill until you have an appointment. So I called.

So I make the appointment. And then I have to miss it because my grandfather dies. And I call them and say, like, I can't make this because of a family emergency. She's like, well, the next appointment is on blah, blah, blah, like much later. And I said, well, I'll be out of the medication by then. So can he fill for that intermediate time? And she was like, no. And I was like, yes.

I don't know what you mean, no. I can't, this isn't Advil. I can't just not take it for 15 days. And I was like, can you please talk to him? Because I can't not take it. And she was like, yeah, I'll talk to him. And I know, you know, and it's not her fault. She's doing her job,

but it's so frustrating that there's no logic happening. They're just going by the rule. So wait, do you not have your medication? So I have a few days left. So I have to call again today and say like, what's happening here? And I'm just forcing them to do it, but I don't know if they will. I can't not take it. It's really bad. It is really bad. I feel like you need a one. I can't not take it. It's really bad. It is really bad. I feel like you need a one medical intervention. This makes no sense. It's like you were in 1980s. Like one medical, I can DM my doctor and tell her like, I need this medication now and she'll send it to my family. But it's because it's a specialist. It's a neurologist. It's not just my regular

doctor or even like my psychologist or something who would because it's a specialty. They have to see you. But a week of padding is not a big deal. And they can do it and I'm sure will happen. It's just like, oh, there's this rule. So I guess the answer is no. When the answer being no means someone's not on medication that they have to be on. It's crazy. The pharmacy might give medication that they have to be on. It's crazy.

The pharmacy might give you, that happened to me once, and then they gave me a few for a few days. That's happened to me too, but I don't think this is that sort of case. I think it'll be fine, but it's so stressful, and this is happening to everyone all the time, and it sucks. Like, people can't get their medications. That's why, again, telehealth has been so revolutionary. And it is one of the good things of the pandemic.

True. It forced a lot of places to become accessible in that way. And I think with certain medications, too, with like Adderall and stuff like that, you also need to be able to have a meeting with your specialist. You can't just get it from anyone. A lot of people are now doing phone calls

and virtual sessions, but I don't know why your doctor is resisting that. It's still going to be video. It's not, well, I guess it is still timing. Maybe he's just booked up, which is fine. He can be booked up, but it's like, let's look at the scenario,

like real people where, okay, so an emergency happens, obviously. What are we going to do to get her to this time? It's just frustrating. Yeah. And I hate how many times it's been so down to the wire for you, including your egg freezing. That's so scary. That's my fault. I don't know. Was it? Yes. They need to just give you a lifetime supply. Why do they? Well, I know, but that was, do people know what we're talking about? I don't know. We should probably remind them. During our egg freezing, it was the day we did our trigger shot, which is like a really crazy day because you have to take it at this exact time. And I had to go to the pharmacy that day to get my seizure medication to pick it up.

And I did let it go till the last day. Like I didn't have any left. Normally, the pharmacist calls me like a week in advance and says, we have your medication. And then I don't pick it up and don't pick it up and don't pick it up until it's like the last day. And then I don't pick it up and don't pick it up and don't pick it up until it's like the last day. And then I go get it. And so that day, me and you were going to go get it. And I did the trigger shot. We got in the car.

And then I felt so horrible. I felt so nauseous. And I had to go back inside. And then you so sweetly went to get it in an Uber. You spend so much time in Ubers. I do. I do. You went to get it in an Uber. You spend so much time in Ubers. I do. You went to get it and it was closed. It was.

The drugstore was open, but the pharmacy was closed because it was late. Sunday hours or whatever. Was that the date of the pedicures and pregnancy test? No, it was the day before. Because the day of the pregnancy test was the next day because you were seeing if it had worked. Right. Those 48 hours are nuts.

Who gave us permission? Like, we just needed adults. That was nuts. And then I had that crazy thing with the trigger shot this time, too. Yes, right. Anyway, that's my fault. I can take responsibility for waiting till the fucking last minute. This is not that. This is, I have to make an appointment and blah, blah, blah. Now, what I'm

realizing is we didn't talk about your natal chart. Oh, and one more thing I want to say about my natal chart, which is very synced, is the opposite of me, truly the opposite, is Pisces no way yeah in the chart yes like in she was like you she's like do you have people because I have I have like no water in my chart no way which makes sense so I don't swim so much water okay got it yep it all makes sense yeah so then I was like yeah I have I have like close people in my life that are Pisces and she was like yeah that's good for you so that was good that was good it's good for you so I probably should have let you talk more about the pet psychic well no it's okay I'll get you there okay um I'll get you there what's in my chart yeah oh my god I'm so dramatic do you ever read your diet like well why am I here oh why

does every day it's like oh my god Liz God, Liz. Chill. Okay, birth chart business. This is what it says. Okay, I'm Aquarius rising. Also, my astrologist is Colin Medellin. He's amazing. He's like legitimately the most wonderful person. The concept of shared humanity is primordial. And I need to invite people who are different from me.

Synced. Synced. Like Virgos. Opposites. My planet, my ruling planet is from me. Synced. Synced. Like Virgos. Opposites. My planet, my ruling planet is Uranus. What's yours? Mercury. Ooh, I love Sailor Mercury so much.

Sailor Moon reference. Yeah. Who was your favorite sailor? I didn't see that. You didn't watch Sailor Moon? No. Ooh. I didn't.

You didn't get it or like wrong time? I wouldn't have. I don't know. I never. It or like wrong time? I don't know. I never. It was like inescapable for me. Well, and I don't know, Montreal in 19 whatever. Is it American or Canadian? It's Japanese. Japanese?

I didn't have it. You weren't into it. You didn't have it. 92 to 97. Oh, those were the days. 92 through 97? What channel? It was on YTV, those were the days. 92 through 97? What channel? It was on YTV, but that's Canadian.

What was your, what were the, what were the Sailor, what is it? It's like Sex and the City, but for like teenagers. Yeah, or like kids in the 90s. Sailor Moon was Carrie Raja. Was it anime? It was. When I say Sailor Moon, do you know? Not really.

Wow. Ish, ish. Like I do know, I think I knew it was animated. That's all I know. Early on ABC. Oh, ABC. Early, like 6 a.m.? I don't think it was as big of a deal.

6.30 a.m. Eastern time. Ew, why would they do that? Well, that's why. Yeah, I don't think it was as big of a deal here. They were trying to keep it away from you. It was on at 4 every day. And my VCR, my dad,

per I'm a VCR, so that it would record at 4 p.m. every day because sometimes I would get home at like 4.11 and I didn't want to miss the beginning. And then when my grandmother died, my dad had this last video of her. Oh, no, no. Sailor Moon. You caked over it? Yeah. Sailor Moon starts recording. Sailor Moon you taped over it yeah Sailor Moon starts recording oh my god Liz and my dad was just like you know this stuff

that just could never happen now like you can't like digital like things don't disappear but like if you record it over something it was gone forever

you erased your grandma for Sailor Moon yeah on purpose no of course not of course not fuck by mistake

but why would you put me in charge of like remembering to put a fresh tape and rewind it every day like it was a lot so they didn't know I had ADHD like um oh look what it says I match with Leo and Virgo yes Yes. I need to, oh, my writing is not great because I need to ask confidence. Maybe I get confidence from you or I get direction. My moon sign is Sagittarius. It's written,

stop emotional conspiracy. What's that mean? I think it means that I can become very, and it's true. I make up like, I'll realize many years later or later I'll be like, oh, that was totally made up, but I will make, I will up like, I'll realize many years later or later, I'll be like, oh, that was totally made up.

But I will be like 100% certain that something happened and of a story. And it just like really wasn't. Just like how the pet Lula. Yes, it's true. It's definitely for sure. Happened and she talked to Daryl. She got hyper because of the event.

Yeah, she got hyper because of the event. And she no longer, she turns around because she communicated with him. I wonder how many years it will take before you look at that and think like, huh, probably not. You let me know. You let me know. It feels so undeniably real to me. What else could explain it?

That's a beautiful look. That's a beautiful thing. And like we talked about the dream with my grandpa, there are things that feel inexplicable. I do believe that. With that said, the pet thing, I can't get there. I can't get there. I'm sorry. Support for Synced comes from ZocDoc. Oh boy. We love it. This is such a gift. It's incredible. No, it is. We are very health obsessed, me and you. Yes. And ZocDoc is an amazing place where you can find and book tens of thousands of top tier doctors, all with verified patient reviews. This is so important because if you need a specialist fast, it can be so overwhelming.

It can. I had to find a gynecologist in LA and I used ZocDoc and I found this incredible doctor because I could read all of the reviews. Yes. And typically I would go with a woman, but it was a guy, but his reviews were so positive that I went with him and I was so happy. And I go back to the app so that I remember like, I'll go see another doctor and be like, when did you see him?

What were the results? I can go back in the app and have access to everything so that I don't, you know, how are we supposed to keep track of all of this? ZocDoc is amazing. And it's free. It's actually insane that it's free. It's a free app.

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Anyway. Okay, more about your chart. Okay, I mean, Uranus disruption storyteller is what it says. What's interesting is I did this literally three months before the pandemic. It was like right before my book came out in 2019. So it says, career in 2019 will be big. Well, it was. It was. That's true.

I came onto Armchair in 2019. Yeah, you did, it was. It was. That's true. I came onto armchair in 2019. Yeah, you did. I'm looking at us now. Planted those seeds just like the Uber driver said. There we go. I have to give myself a permission slip

to demand optimism. Ding, ding, ding. What we were just talking about. Demand unapologetic, rugged optimism. I like that. And remember, you aren't from this earth.

Don't try and pretend. Oh, my God. It's astrology, but he goes pretty deep earth. Don't try and pretend. Oh my God. It's astrology, but he goes pretty deep. I think he might be a trained therapist too. And yeah, I remember it being a very powerful session. Birth charts are so fun. It is really cool. So you're a Pisces, Sun, Sagittarius, Moon, Aquarius rising.

Interesting. I guess. But I thought I was double Pisces, which is now I'm confused about that reading. I have it in my co-star that I'm double Pisces in my chart. But are you Pisces in a different house? Maybe in a different house. But those are the top three. Yes. I just know that I did Reiki once and the woman literally stopped and was like, I am drowning. There's so much water in your, like, so it's so funny that, yeah, I'm extra watery and you're extra dry.

Truly, I think the mix of the both of us would make my ideal person. Not my ideal person, but it would, like, I'm way too much of a Pisces. I would like it to be a little toned down at times. I'm just very emotional. Sure. And I wish I could be more like you.

Dead inside. No. Well. It's all about balance, I guess. It's all about balance. That's right. That's how we found each other. Okay, let's do some questions

and then you're going to reveal the name of my essay. Okay. Okay. Ooh. This is, do I break up my family for true love? Anonymous. You all are amazing. You too, Rob.

But in the interest of time, I will spare the praise and just dive in. About seven years ago, I was dating my now husband when I unexpectedly formed a strong connection with someone else. It was a really difficult time. I ultimately chose the man who I thought maybe I could build a more comfortable life with. And we do have a very nice life. We have bought a cute home and are raising two beautiful boys. I am happy. But I have always had the other man pop in my head every once in a while. A few weeks ago, I messaged him just to see what he was up to. I will admit it was not my best idea.

While catching up, I realized that I absolutely love this man. Like the princess bride type of true love. I haven't told him, but I know he still loves me too. Now I find myself exactly where I was seven years ago, but this time I know how real these feelings are and I am married with a family. Do I dare break up my family to be with him because that would make me the happiest

or do I live with my decision and be relatively happy and comfortable where I am and not throw my family's life into a bit of chaos? This is a hard question. I think it's common. Oh, yeah. I think almost everyone. Yeah, has some level of this.

Has some person. Kind of the one that got away. I mean, there's a little term for it. No, but it's true, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like I reference this movie all the time, but it really helps me understand these situations, everything, every all at once. There is a universe where you are with once. Like there is a universe where

you are with him, but there's a universe where you're not. This one. Yeah, exactly. The one that you're in right now, the choice is, do you want to change universes entirely? Right. But the problem is you're not changing universes. You're doing a weird combination. And then that, look, this is one of these questions where unfortunately, and I wish we can't tell you what to do here. I wish we could, but all we can do is say, imagine individual moments in the future and picture how you'll feel. How will you feel waking up in a house that your kids aren't there half the time? Also, by the way, that could be okay.

50% of people are divorced. Like you're not doing anything crazy radical by making that decision, but it's what you feel comfortable living your day-to-day life with. Do you feel comfortable with your kids being in a different house half the time, potentially having a stepmother? Those pieces that we don't really think about when we're in these love spirals, the practical pieces of life. I think once you walk through those, you can then really make your decision. And again, we can't tell you what the decision is. It's just a matter of really dissecting those pieces. Because right now you're comparing reality with a fantasy.

Fantasy, exactly. And going with the fantasy will turn into its own reality with, again, all of the things that you're listing, custody conversations and court dates and difficult conversations with your kids and all of the unplannable parts of it. And yeah, I think we have to normalize that marriage, like marriage is about love, but it's actually not as much about love as we think it is. It's really a choice. And so our relationships, yes, you want to like the person and without the feelings, it's difficult.

But at the end of the day, like it is a choice and it's a decision that you make and it's a commitment that you make. And the fact that you are interested, attracted, curious about other people does not mean that you made the wrong choice. That's normal. Exactly.

It is. Also, you're saying that you are relatively happy. It's like, ugh, relatively happy when what you are imagining this other life to be is celestial. Right now, it's so heightened. But if you do decide to make this decision and you're with that person, he's going to have annoying habits as well. And he's going to have the, and not to say you won't love him, but that might become relatively happy as well over time. Because often that's what being intimate with a person is. Also, the fact that you are saying you're

relatively happy. If you were saying, I'm miserable and I don't know what to do because I love this other person, I don't like this person I'm with, but I don't want to break up my family. That's a bit of a different question because you do need to be at the center of your life and not be miserable. But being relatively happy might be okay.

That's kind of the baseline we're all in. Yeah, also, by the way, there's no such thing as happy, really. Happy is a state that you come in and out of. So it's not something you achieve and then you have it. So this person that you are in love with, you'll have moments of happiness with, and then you'll have moments of sadness and pain

and everything that comes with life. It's not like, I'll be happier with them. But of course, that's how it feels. Of course. Right. And I think your advice is really good of, think about it a year from now. What does it feel like when all of the magic

and the butterflies have kind of faded away and the shine of being with this person finally after thinking about them and lusting after them? What does that day-to-day feel like? Because that's what you should be comparing it to, your current life. And I also think like, when I find myself doing that in relationships,

not doing that, but we all have moments, and whether it's thinking back on an ex or connecting with someone that you almost had a fling with but didn't or something like that, or having a crush, I feel that I do that when I'm like avoiding. I ask myself, what am I avoiding? a crush. I feel that I do that when I'm like avoiding. What's happening in the relationship? Yeah, because I feel like it's usually

when there's something in the relationship that I'm not happy with or not super satisfied with. Or maybe again, it's just like, it's fine, but I would like it to be great. And so instead of going outside of the relationship in order to try and fix that, staying in the relationship and being like, how can I make this from fine to great? And talking to your husband about it. I don't think

you have to talk about this person. I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I don't recommend. I don't think that's going to be helpful. No. I think we're like sometimes way too honest. There's some things that it's okay to keep for you. But I would just be like, I want to have fun. Like, what can we do differently? Can we set a date night? Can we play around in the bedroom? And you know what I mean? Like, just address it within the relationship and maybe you'll find that those feelings about that other person will just kind of fade away. Yeah.

Also be gentle with yourself and this is common and natural. Totally. Okay. This is a really good batch. How do you come back from a landmine of a lie? Faked a few orgasms with my boyfriend of six years, and now I feel I'm too far into a lie to turn back.

It's from Anonymous. Hi, Monica and Liz, Anonymous here. I'm a 29-year-old woman in a long-term relationship since college with a man my same age. He's wonderful, and I'm an open book with him about literally everything except for this one horrible lie. At the start of the pandemic, I was going through a rough patch where I wasn't feeling into intimacy. And instead of

just being upfront about not feeling sexy and in tune with my body, I faked a few what I call charity orgasms to just try to get through this patch without making him feel whatever I was afraid of. Unwanted. Two years later, and I'm still head over heels for my partner, feeling much more frisky and our intimate life is great, except I'm still head over heels for my partner, feeling much more frisky, and our intimate life is great, except I'm still faking it most of the time because now he thinks one plus one equals three, and it never did. I'm so scared to reveal this,

what feels like massive deception, but want him to know that I need a little more time to get there. Anyway, this is probably a silly question, but I love your take. Thank you both for all that you do. This is great. I have an immediate thought. I don't think you need to say,

give the whole context that you lied and that blah, blah, blah. I think you can still, at any point in a relationship, say what you want and need and like. Yeah. Maybe you present it more of like, I'm really liking spending a little more time

in foreplay or making out before. Like, say what you want to happen more of. I don't think she should say she lied about it. Do you? I know. That's what I'm trying to think. Rob, how would you feel if a woman was like, I've been faking it? Not great.

She needs to just stop faking it. Yes. Because her sexual appetite can change. That's what I mean. I think it's more like, now I'm liking this. Missionary doesn't work anymore. Right. Let's try something else. I would share, I'd been feeling weird about my body and like share those parts and say,

for a while I was kind of in a funk sexually, but now I'm feeling this way and this is what I'm really into now. I would be honest about the emotional aspects of it. Well, if she's in it, I think probably what happened is she just immediately came, even though she didn't, right? And so he's like, yes, like this. This is the button. This is the, yes, this is the button. And now she actually wants to be sexual and not just get it over with. And so he's banging on that key.

Yeah, she's going to have to say like, I want to explore more of this or I'm really liking when we spend a little more time here. And I think that's the only way to do it. I don't think revealing that you had been faking, just because men's egos are so fragile. They are. They are.

I mean, women's are too. Right. I would feel really humiliated. Exactly. If my boyfriend was like, yeah, I've been faking it this whole time. I know. I'd be like, oh my. I've never come.

I'd be rethinking. Exactly. But you know that guys do that, right? Guys do fake. Well, not if you can see the evidence. But they, if they're, you know, condoms and stuff like that, they will fake. Not as often as women, but it happens. Don't you think that's harder to do though? Because if they're if they're, you know, condoms and stuff like that, they will fake. Not as often as women, but it happens. Don't you think that's harder to do, though?

Because if they're flaccid, you know. But they want it to be over sometimes, and so they'll fake it. Yeah, I could see that. But anyway— Also, it's fine. Everyone's egos are so fucking fragile. You're naked. I know, it's vulnerable.

Exactly. So I prefer when there's a base of truth. I feel like, especially with a conversation like this, you don't want to start with a lie. I would just be open about the fact that, yeah, you were feeling weird about your body. But it doesn't make sense for her to say, I was feeling weird about my body, and that's why I was cumming so fast.

Yeah, she can say, like, I just didn't really want to have sex for a long time. I was able to cum really fast, but now I'd like to actually, like— That doesn't make any sense! Yes, men don't understand our bodies. They don't get it. They won't ask questions.

Guys don't—no, guys don't get it. But why—she doesn't need to include that part. Yeah, I don't think our bodies. They don't get it. They won't ask questions. Guys don't know. Guys don't get it. But why? She doesn't need to include that part. Yeah, I don't think it's necessary. There's no reason. You just talk about what you want now. There's no reason to talk about what happened.

Unless it happens again. If it happens again and you're feeling not very sexual, then start anew, right? Like, don't do this again. And if she stops faking it, he'll begin to realize that whatever is happening isn't working. But yeah, he's going to be like,

I don't understand what's been happening for the past three years. Well, which is why, don't fake it. Just say like, I want to do this more. Like, just be honest about what you want as opposed to what's not happening.

The reason, I guess, why I'm saying talk about your body, talk about yourself, is that like, then there's like a context to the conversation rather than like it just starting from a point of, I don't like what you're doing. Right. Like, cause, cause that's how it can be received, which that's fine. But if you want it to be just a kinder way into it, yeah, you can make it about yourself and say like how you're feeling about your body and what you'd like.

I think a really good hack, even if you're doing it with your partner, like these conversations can be kind of stressful or, you know, difficult. So you can a really good hack, even if you're doing it with your partner, like these conversations can be kind of stressful or, you know, difficult. So you can start by saying like, what would you like to explore more of? And then you let him talk about what he wants. And then that gives you like a perfect opportunity to say what you want and want to change.

I think also if this happens, well, one time where you are able to say like, can we try more foreplay tonight or something? And then you love it. Your honest reaction will probably seem, because it's real, much better to him than whatever fake orgasm was happening. And my guess is once he sees that, he'll be more willing to like redo that over and over again because it's a real pleasure. Yeah. And if you also emphasize after the fact again because it's a real pleasure. Yeah. And if you also emphasize after the fact, if it's real, that was so fun.

That was so good. Or that, again, a lot of it's ego. It is. It is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you reiterate when you're actually feeling good and when he's actually made you feel good, that's not the word, but you know what I mean? It is.

Then I feel like that will just perpetuate. Because that's what's happened in this fake world too. He's like, oh, this is what works. Well, of course. Yeah. And I understand where she's coming from is that because he won't do other things. Exactly.

He's just going to keep going. Again, whatever he's doing. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Which is why she has to be like, can you try this? It's so funny because I feel like

this is the opposite problem that so many guys have. I thought this just happened to me, but then I saw a TikTok about it and there were all these likes on it. And I feel like this is the opposite problem that so many guys have. I thought this just happened to me, but then I saw a TikTok about it, and there were all these likes on it. And I was like, okay, I know this is a problem for the mass population. Where like, you will be about to come,

and you'll like tell the guy, if there are any men who are listening, what that means is keep doing what you're doing. Because it's not there yet. I'm not there yet, but I'm almost there. We're on the home stretch. And often guys, instead of keeping doing what they're doing because it's not there yet. I'm not there yet, but I'm almost there. We're on the home stretch. And often guys, instead of keeping doing what they're doing, they will then get really excited like a puppy and start doing it faster. You're like, no, now the rhythm is messed up. Now, whatever was happening, I'm out of it. I'm out of it. And then they get even more

flustered and puppy-ish because now you're not coming. When we say we're about to come, don't just, whatever you're doing, it's, yeah, don't freak out. It means literally whatever you're doing,

you keep doing it because it's working. And so I relate to what, like where he's just like doing a thing that's like, that's not the thing. To be fair to him, he got validation for that

and that's fine. Whatever. I think you can slowly move the needle by adding in what you want to try. It's like, can we try? It's not like, I know this is what works for me now. And it's just like, ooh, can we try this? It could be like, I used to like that, but like, I don't really like it anymore. Or even like using a sex toy, right? And being like, can I show you what I like? Could also be a way to do it. Yeah. Well, keep us updated on how that goes. Why don't we do one more short one?

Okay. Well, I don't know if this is short. Ooh, all of ours today are anonymous. How to cope with not feeling chosen wanted. Hi guys. I was wondering if you had advice for coping with feeling unwanted. I've been on the dating apps for years

and met plenty of people, but nothing has stuck. On multiple occasions, I've remained friends with the guys, but this leaves me wondering if anyone will ever choose slash want me as their partner. I have a big personality and want very specific things, so perhaps the problem is partly me, but I can't help but feel jealous that so many people successfully find a partner that chooses to be with them, love them, day after day, and I can't even get a text reply.

I can relate to this so much. One thing that has helped me when I'm really in a funk of how is everyone just in a relationship? Like everyone else is getting picked and I'm the last one in the kickball line, like not getting chosen. But then I zoom out and I look at those relationships. Do I want to be in a relationship with that person? Almost always the answer is no. It's reframing. It's reframing of you not getting chosen because it takes two people to choose each other. By the way, I'm not like, rejection hurts. It hurts even if you don't like the person. It feels so weird.

But I think it's a matter of understanding you wouldn't want to be chosen by a lot of these people to begin with. 100%. I also want to say I feel the same way on the apps. And I am very, very seriously considering just getting rid of all of them. And I was just reading actually this Bustle article that was called like dating apps are in their flop era. And it's sort of what you're saying, that the majority of people who are on the apps are feeling

the exact same way that you are feeling. Almost like two years ago, felt like the golden era of people meeting on dating apps and getting married and lasting marriages, but you don't really hear it that much anymore. And I think that, first of all, there's all kinds of weird financial things. Like it used to be free. It used to just be like a social networking app and you just would join it. And now there's like all these things you have to pay

to be at the top of the line. If you're not, then you don't get access to certain things and they kind of keep people away from you. It's really gamified in a way that unfortunately makes you feel that it's your fault, but it's really the way that the product is designed. You are in a different mindset when you are on a dating app. And when you go on dates from dating apps than when you're just meeting someone in the wild. And I felt that where I'm even acting differently. Interesting. How so?

I think that I'm much more judgmental. It's much more of like an interview than it would otherwise be because I don't know you. And so I'm not looking for things that are wrong with you. But kind of. Kind of. Like I'm not starting from 100% because there's no point of, that's not like.

There's no base of trust anywhere. It's not even like my friend knows this person. Exactly. Or we go to the same blah, blah, blah. Hey, stranger, I've seen five photos of you and know your astrology sign. Like, that's it. And I went on this really good date right before Christmas

and had the most, one of the worst experiences. It's kind of funny. I'll get into it next week. Oh no, cliffhanger. Basically, I fucked worst experiences, it's kind of funny. I'll get into it next week. Oh, no. Cliffhanger? Basically, I fucked it, but it's funny, so it's fine. Wait, you have to tell us. What happened?

Wait, you said it was the best date? Well, it was the best date, and then, like, it's not the best now. It was one of the best first dates I've ever been on, and then one of the most confusing whatever happened afterwards. So, okay, I'm on this dating app. I see this guy and you know, when there's more than one guy in the photo, Elaine Moore saying, I think she says like, if you're looking for which one it is, it's never the hot one. And so it's two group photos. I'm already kind of about to swipe away. And then the third photo is like the hottest photo I've ever seen. Like innovating suit has like a

body of like a Hercules. And then the fourth and the fifth, I'm realizing, oh, it's the super hot one in the corner of the photo. So anyway, I send him a message and I'm like, hey, I have major notes on your dating profile. Don't take it the wrong way. And I do, at one point, I thought this would be like a side business for me because I do feel like a lot of men need a lot of support.

We're very good at taking photos of ourselves or our friends are good at taking photos of ourselves or our friends are good at taking photos of us. Our appearance is much more valued in society. And so I think we're better at presenting ourselves than men are by virtue of that. So anyway, whatever. I was like, I'll help this guy out, but also like he's cute. And then we have this back and forth and I was like, okay, you need to rearrange this photo. I like told him how to rearrange the whole thing. As we're talking, I'm like, now I'm just basically setting him up to just have so many options. And then we'd laugh about that, but then we went on a date and it was great. And I was like, oh my God. And then we talked over the break and he would send me like these long messages,

but then like, I don't hear from him for a few days. And then these long messages of like, so many details and like things about the future we're going to do and then nothing. message of like so many details and like things about the future we're going to do and then nothing. So it's very confusing. My thinking is, oh, I made his profile so much better. He's probably going on other dates. Because again, I know he's interested, but he's clearly not prioritizing whatever's happening. I feel like that's how I act when I'm seeing multiple people. But that's like a dating app. You met on a place where they're meeting people. You're not just at a party, right? Where you're like, oh, I'm getting to talk to someone who's doing an interesting PhD in

astrophysics. And then I'm talking to this person that made a good plate of nachos. And oh, there's this cute girl in the corner. You're literally in a place where you're primed to assess people and to be judging people and to feel like you have many options and to compare those options. Yeah. It's a comparison game. Yeah, this very long wind way of answering that dating apps can be a good tool if you limit how much you use them and you don't sort of rely on them

as the way that you're going to sort of meet your partner. It's a meeting app. It's not a dating app. It's just a way to meet people. Yeah, that's a good way of framing it. That's amazing context. And that could be a big part of it. It's just that's the avenue you're

using. And so it's going to lead to more of these feelings of rejection. But for your own personal sake, and you said you have a big personality and you're starting to question like, is that why? No, that's who you are. And what's the point of being with someone who doesn't like big personalities? You have one and you don't need to dampen that or change yourself. You're you and you're going to find the person who loves big personalities and it's going to be a perfect fit. And that's great. It might take a little longer, but you also have to understand it's a two-way street. You're not just getting chosen. Exactly. The person that's meant for you is going to be so excited to meet you. They can't wait. Try not to let it affect your self-esteem.

And sort of to our point earlier in this episode, move your attention to the places that are giving you self-esteem. Hawkgirl hobbies. Hawkgirl hobbies. And maybe take yourself out of this dating web for a second. If it's making you feel that way, just stop it for a second. It'll be there. Okay, this was wonderful.

Liz, what is the name of my essay? Okay. I have been thinking about it long and hard through this episode, and I feel like it should be Seize the Day. Seize the Day. Okay. Seize the Day. On February 9th, or whenever we record that's around February 9th, the week of.

We record February 9th. Oh, perfect. Of course we do. Of course we do. Of course we do. Then you will be singing and playing guitar. Oh my God, I forgot about that.

Thanks, Rob, about breakups. Well, okay, you handed that out. I did. I feel like sad is easier to pull off than happy.

No, not at all. Whatever, you said you wanted a challenge. I know, it's too late. My tears ricochet on guitar and vocals

and I will be reading an essay that I've written oh shit okay that's a lot are we allowed like

is it gonna cost us money yeah it'll be fine I don't think we have the budget I think it'll be fine alright well I will see you next week see you

bye