Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Synced: i drizzle

Episode Date: September 6, 2023

In this episode of Synced, Liz explains “girl dinner”, they debate whether singles should set up other singles, they hear a very special voice memo and Monica peels back the layers of her “fear of the streets”. They discuss a listener’s question on how to cook the perfect roast chicken. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

so you're getting a birthday massage yeah my birthday's tomorrow for the listeners it was a couple weeks ago which people don't like that apparently oh okay i was like oh my god your birthday was if i was like about to freak out they don't like i guess time jumps but i don't like that, apparently. Oh, okay. I was like, oh my God, your birthday was a few. I was like about to freak out. They don't like, I guess, time jumps, but I don't care about them. Okay. Well, maybe we can say your birthday's coming up. Well, we already talked about it. It's a mess.

Whatever. Anyway, so my birthday has arrived. It feels totally fine. You're not excited. Oh, no. Well, birthdays are fun because it's such a good excuse to mainly just get everyone I like in one spot. So I like that. Okay. But in general, no, birthdays aren't fun because it's the passing of time. You don't feel that? You're so healthy. No, definitely.

Stuff comes up at birthdays, right? Where it's like you notice the things that you might not have. But I overall, thank you so much, Rob. Rob made me tea. There's no milk in it. Unfortunately, all of our milks have expired. Okay, got it. And you almost drank some bad milk. I did. On my birthday.

Oh my God. While coming up. That would have been not good. So yeah, birthdays feel loaded, but I still get excited when it's my birthday. Yeah. Do you? I do. And actually, for some reason, I'm a little self-conscious about that because one time, you know, I have a memory

like a elephant. Elephants never forget. They don't. And they never pass gas. Everyone knows this about them. So one time, Dax said something about me really liking my birthday, me and somebody else. And he wasn't saying it badly. He was just like noting that. I thought, doesn't everyone like their birthday when it comes around? But he kind of claims to not really care. I think boys don't care about birthdays or like that's their front facing. Oh, is that a masculinity thing?

Rob? I like my birthday. Do you feel like you can be excited about your birthday in front of other men? Yeah. You have parties. I have dinners. I have a calendar invite that my close friends get that have my birthday on it. Okay. Okay. That's good. I love this. But on the scale though, Rob is not machismo. He's not toxic. Got it. So we need to ask a more toxic man. Sound off in the comments. If you're a toxic man, first, do you like your birthday? Number two, do you feel comfortable being excited about it? Yes.

We should ask all men. And then tell us if you're toxic. And then say if you're toxic. And then we'll do a separate focus group with you because I have more questions. But girls eventicize things. We eventicize snacks. We eventicize dinner, math, girl dinner, girl math, girl birthday. There's such a thing called girl math. You haven't heard of girl math? Is it on TikTok? I mean, it's everywhere. It's started on TikTok, like most things. What is it? Girl math is, okay. Do you think most people know what girl dinner is?

At this point, I do think a lot of people know, but you can still explain it just in case. Because that's how it started, right? So girl dinner was coined by probably someone on TikTok that I don't remember. But this idea of instead of eating like a full meal, you just are snacking. There's many different elements that don't go well together.

A hard boiled egg and then a slice of bell pepper and then one peanut. Yes. Handfuls of popcorn. And you're like standing in your kitchen the entire time. And I have to be honest because I'm not on TikTok, but we will circle back to this. We will because you did a TikTok in the hurricane. Can we talk about the hurricane? I mean, are people going to be mad? I'll follow that rule on armchair, sort of, because I'm outvoted there. This is girl time.

This is girl time. Girl math, girl dinner. Yeah, girl time. That means like it's all over the place and doesn't have to be linear. That's right. Doesn't have to make sense. Oh my God.

Yeah, it's girl time. Okay, good hack. So then girl dinner, all these women were sharing what their girl dinners were. Which is, again, kind of eventicizing. We don't feel the best when we're eating half a pint of ice cream instead of like making a, you know, pesto. I have questions about girl dinner.

Okay. Is it making fun of women who barely eat? Because I got a little nervous that it was a little bit like girls should barely eat. No. What is it? So it's not that girls should barely eat. No. What is it? So it's not that you're barely eating. It's basically like a wide array of snacks.

I mean, for me, how it— Apertivo. Yes. It's a lot of different appetizers. But like, yeah, the appetizer is leftover Chipotle. This happened yesterday where I had a very large chocolate bar at 4.30 in bed. And not just a regular size, like the one you get at the airport. Shout it out. Frank's? Is that what it's called? No.

Tanks. Wait, I think maybe. This is girl English. I don't know. I think it's Tanks. Those are really delicious. They're really big. And it was old. What am I searching? Put Tanks chocolate bar. Salted caramel, orange wrapper. No Tank's. I think it's Frank's. Isn't it Frank? Oh my God. Oh my God. Okay. Friends? Tony's. Tony's. Tony's. Tony's is right. Oh my God. And it was a male name. I got them mixed up. At first when I started eating it, I was like, this is bad. I'm not going to feel good because I was under the weather emotionally. And then I halfway through the chocolate bar, I was like,

I'm feeling so much better. And so then I kept going. And once it was done, there were so many little bits of chocolate on myself that I put the chocolate wrapping on my sweater. Then I wrapped it all up and I walked out of my room forgetting that I put the chocolate wrapping on my sweater. Then I wrapped it all up and I walked out of my room forgetting that I have a roommate now. And Daniela just looked up at me with my folded up sweater. She was like, hey. And I was like, hey. And then I went over the garbage can and I unfurled the whole thing and I didn't have any chocolate in my bed. So I think it's a success. But the point of the story is then I have a date and then it's a hike date. You had a day after the chocolate bar? Yes, I did. I get back and it's 9.30 and I'm like,

okay, well now I kind of want dinner. I'm hungry. I didn't have dinner because that was my girl dinner. And so then I had a second girl dinner, which was like, oh, I'll just have a little bit of this leftover cauliflower. And then I like started eating it all standing up. I'm watching this avocado look at me while I'm eating the cauliflower. And I'm like, why don't I just cut half the avocado? And then the second half, obviously, I'm starting to take spoonfuls of the second half. Do you ever put salt on it? Salt and olive oil. I drizzle. I drizzle. Pepper. And so then the avocado's gone. And then I had a third thing. And then I was like, this was a full meal all standing up. So that's girl

dinner in my interpretation of girl dinner. But I understand. It's not that it's not a lot of food. But what's the psychology behind it? It's like we don't care about ourselves to like make an actual dinner. Well, the psychology that I've heard is that you made a school of thought. Yeah. But it does relate to me where particularly when we're in a relationship with a guy, we end up kind of making a dinner. Women end up cooking a bit more. Oh, to serve the man? Yes. And I did this in my last relationship during the pandemic. I just got really into cooking when I started dating someone and it was just like exciting to get to make a meal. But then as soon as I was on my own, I was eating girl dinner. So I think it's this idea of when it's just you and there's no one else to take care of. Okay. I understand this mentality a lot, but I wholly reject it.

I have an opinion on this now that I know more information, which is absolutely not. Is it like, well, I'm only alone, so I guess I'll just eat this cauliflower today because there's no one to eat this roast chicken with. No. You make yourself the dinner you want or you wish someone would make you or you enjoy making yourself. You don't give a fuck about who else is there. And yes, you throw a lot of it away. Okay. When you make a whole chicken, you throw 80% away, but I care more about female empowerment over waste. I said it. Oh no. Who's going to come for me? What would your dad say? My dad,

again, he's a man. I know, but I feel like wasting food is the biggest crime in my family. Growing up, it was like, so when I want to make a whole chicken, which I'm vegetarian still at the time of this episode being recorded, but I would be like, I can't make a whole chicken. I have this old cauliflower. Like I should be eating that. But I don't think that's related to girl dinner. I think that's immigrant.

Immigrant mentality. That is kind of immigrant mentality or just everyone. There's a type. There's a saver type. And my family, for sure, there was so many leftovers, but I hated fucking leftovers. They're the worst. So now as a grownup, I'm rejecting all that dumb stuff. Throw it out. Don't keep a quarter of a tomato in your fridge for like three weeks. That's what happens. And then you do end up throwing it out anyway. Or it becomes a part of your girl dinner. No, make the fucking chicken. It's fun. It feels nourishing. It does feel good to make a whole, it shouldn't feel just good because a man is there to say like, honey, it's so good. It's not necessarily a man. Take off your clothes. I think it's someone else. I will confess this. Sometimes when I

make a big Alison Roman curry, I'm like, this is sad. They should make single girl dinner portions. When I'm in a relationship, I get excited about like, I'll cook something and then we're both enjoying it. But I like the way that you do it. I think you're healthier. It's very understandable what you're saying. I guess my version of grilled dinner within the big dinner where I am kind of like standing and eating the soup and then I just pour so much fucking soup into a container to save. Sometimes I do feel annoyed that there's so much food left and why isn't there anyone here to eat it? I feel that a fair amount, but I can quickly snap out of it because I deserve that delicious soup. And so do you. And it's very cathartic to make a thing and really feel like you executed it personally for me. That's what I like about cooking.

You start with all these nothings and then you make something delicious out of it. I've also been trying to get better about sharing, like bringing it to… Sharing food. Yes. Joey shares food, doesn't share food. He doesn't. But you do. Well, not in the moment, but I'll like put it in a Tupperware and bring it to Jess.

Or I brought Dax a bolognese. I made all these brownies and I was passing them around town. I do love that. Remember when I did Pudding Choumard, the French Canadian maple syrup cake, I was making one for a certain party and then I made all these little ones and then I delivered them. That's a good point. That's a way to like still share, even though it's not with one person you're living with. Look, it is complicated. There are moments where it feels like, gosh, so much food and I'm just this one person. But I think that if you're in a relationship and you're making the food, I know what would be happening for me in that scenario is I'd be like, they're going to eat all this fucking food I made.

And there's not going to be any left for me if I want it. Well, you make your own bowl. No, so I know. So then you get the best parts. Well, obviously. Obviously, I make my own bowl. In that case, there's a new trigger of tomorrow I might want more. And they ate it all.

Or if I make a leftover bag and put it in the refrigerator and then I come home and it's like, where's my leftover bag? And he's like, oh, I ate that because I'm entitled to it in the refrigerator. And then I come home and it's like, where's my leftover bag? And he's like, oh, I ate that because I'm entitled to it. Fuck that. So you see, it could go both ways. It can go both ways. But see, I think about this a lot where I will be eating,

standing up on my countertop and I'm like, Monica would never do this. I think you put me on a pedestal a little bit. No, you deserve to be on the highest pedestal. No, no, no. You're a classy lady. You're classy. When's the last time you did that? Do you even remember? Yeah, I did it a couple days ago for breakfast because I was in a big hurry. See, but I'm not in a hurry. I'm just weird. Anxious eating really is what it sounds like. Yeah. It's just like, oh, I guess I'll have this.

I guess I'll have this. It is. It's a little frantic. Yeah. And which adds into your pin, your feeling emotional. Do you think you ate that chocolate bar because you were anxious about the hike that was coming up? That would check out in terms of my self-sabotage. It's like this is a physical date and I'm doing the opposite of what I should be doing. Yeah. Yeah. He's secure. I'm not nervous around him, which is also new to me. This is not

the billionaire as a follow up. People are wondering. Yeah. No, it's a new person. Well, old new. Actually, I met him the first time with Monica. Yeah, he was great. He was great. I just have good feelings about this. Also, can we talk? Oh, sure, we can. Oh, my God. We are on girl time. We're all over the place. Okay, so while I was on this date, I kept thinking like, oh, my God, a double date with Monica and this other person would be so amazing. And so I'm the most excited about dating this person because of the image of what a double date with you would be.

I like that litmus test. It works. Can I, should I tell the story or should you tell it? I'll tell it. You can poke holes if I'm doing it wrong, okay? Because I'm afraid of what you'll say. So you texted me a week and a half ago, two weeks ago. My friend is obsessed with you. I was like, do you even know me? If you think that's the thing to get me interested in anyone, it's just not. He hates you? Is that more appealing?

Honestly, if you were like, this guy said some really bad shit about you, I'd be like, who is it? What's the deal? And then I could try to gain his approval. Got it. It's not good, but it's honest. Okay, so this person's obsessed with you is just not the initial route. Okay, all caps. And you're

like, can I set you up with him? And I said, let's just wait a sec. To any other human being, this person's obsessed with you. You're like, oh my God. Yeah. You're like, hold the phone. He likes me. No, I got to investigate. Hold the phone. Such an old phrase. I love it. But that's funny because when you just said it, you said, this guy's obsessed with you. But the way you wrote it is, my friend's obsessed with you. Be scared. I mean, that was your tone. It is.

We should put a pin in that because we just said the same thing. Why did you interpret it in a scary way? Well, you did do all caps. I know, but half of my texts are all caps. Yeah, that's true. Anyway, you did do all caps. I know, but half of my texts are all caps. Yeah, that's true. Anyway, you sent me a picture. And I was like, okay, he is cute looking, but I don't like what's going on. And I just, BRB, you know, I was like, we'll talk about this later.

You were also on your way to Greece. So we weren't even really going to be able to be in touch. I was like, we'll revisit this maybe next year. Yeah. Hoping you'd forget. Then basically the first thing when I see you when you're back is, so can we talk about blank? And I said, okay, what's the deal? So he's my friend. We worked together at one point. How would you describe him? He's really kind, really smart, very easygoing, describe him? He's really kind, really smart, very easygoing, no ego, very sparkly, beautiful eyes. He's a stud and a caring, caring man. Yeah. And then I asked you what anyone's going to ask

in this situation, which is, okay, so if he's so great, why aren't you dating him? Would you like to answer? I am not dating him because he was too chill for me. More like brother, friend. I always thought he was great, but I never was like, we should date. And I never felt that from him either. We dove right into the friend zone. Okay. And just stayed there.

I mean, it's not a great answer. It isn't? No. What answer would you want? I don't know. I don't know not a great answer. It isn't? No. What answer would you want? I don't know. I don't know what a great answer is. I just always find it so perplexing when a single person sets another single person up. I think I have a hang up around that.

I did at one point too, because once someone set me up and she was clearly in love with this person and then she wanted to date him. That happens also with people who are in once someone set me up and she was clearly in love with this person. And then she wanted to date him. That happens also with people who are in relationships who set you up. Usually it's like they have a crush on this person and they can't date him. So they want you to date him. But I have less of an issue with that because they can't. Right. Actually, that I like. It's like, oh my God, this person's amazing. I wish I could date this person, but I can't because I'm in this relationship. So you should definitely date him. That I like. But when it's a single person who could, then I don't understand why if he's so great, why wouldn't you want him for yourself? But don't you think we have different types? Do you think we would go for the same guy?

I don't know. It's a good question. We should try. See what happens. Because that is interesting. I don't think they're far off, but I think that we are not into the same people. Yeah, that's probably right. Would you date any of the people that I've dated? Probably not. Oh my God, is there anyone I've dated that you were like, I would date him? Definitely not the most recent one. And probably not the one before that either. Yeah, we probably do have different types. But what is interesting, because laid back, I do think we talked about this a little bit off mic, but I've been having sort of a realization that

I think I'm attracted in life, not just romantically. I'm attracted to high frequency people, which I would never have expected. I can tip into high frequency for sure. And maybe it's a scale, right? It's not just like some people are this and some people are low frequency. If it's zero to 10 on the frequency, I probably fluctuate from four to six. Yeah, I was going to say four to six. Yeah, four to six. In that mid range. But when I really look at the people in my life who I, for some reason, have just gravitated towards, especially as I get older, my old age, my really old 36-year-old age, it's high energy, high frequency people. It's interesting. I just

started to piece it all together and I was like, this person, this person, this person, you. Why do you think that is? I must just like it. You guys are fun. See, I like high frequency, but I don't really want to be around them too much. You need a balancing. And so that makes sense to me. And I feel like in my old age, I've gravitated more towards calm, especially for a partner, actually. partner actually. Synced is supported by Element. Now we're going to do a little Foley. That is my current water bottle with Element. I'm so elemented out. Like I'm so addicted to this product. I thought I was really dehydrated the other day. I think I also just like spun out and I was like, oh my God, like I feel weird. Like, and I took Element. I felt immediately better. It works. It works. It is so important to replenish

electrolytes. We think just by drinking water, we're hydrating and we're not. You need the key electrolyte ingredients of sodium, magnesium, potassium, which are like the three biggies that you really, really need. Right now, Element is offering a free sample pack with any purchase. That's eight single serving packets free with any Element order. This is a great way to try all eight flavors or share Element with a salty friend. Get yours at drinkelement.com slash sync. This deal is only available through our link. You must go to d-r-i-n-k-l-m-n-t.com slash sync. Element offers no questions asked refunds. Try it totally

risk-free. If you don't like it, share it with a salty friend and they'll give you your money back. No questions asked. You have nothing to lose. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. As you know, Liz and I are obsessed with therapy. We are. We actually just on armchair had somebody on who made a really good point about therapists because, you know, we are so blanketly pro-therapy, which we are. But you do need to find the right therapist for you. You have to find someone who you really trust and also who understands your specific background. And that's one thing I really love about BetterHelp is you can try different ones. You can try one. If it doesn't work,

it's easy to switch. Yes. You have to gel with the person. And I think a lot of people maybe abandon therapy or think therapy is not for them or that they're not doing it right. It's actually just not the right therapist for you. To your point, I think anything that can help people really find who gels with them is so amazing. Yeah, I agree. And I've had a few different and I just, my current one is. She's, I love her. She's the best. She's the very best. I love yours too. We know so much about each other's therapist because of what they've taught us. Yeah. It's just, it's imperative, I think, for everyone to have a little third party there once a week to

help you out. Get a break from your thoughts with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash sync today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash sync. Okay, wait. So we have like 40 pins and I want to know. Oh, okay, wait. So you told me about him again. I said, okay, maybe. Let me think about it.

Does he live here? You said, yes, but traveling. I said, okay, when he's back, let's revisit this. Well, he said he would come back earlier to meet with you. Which I hated. Yeah, I was like, can I just intro you over text? We're like, no, like when he's back. There were a lot of barriers. There were. There were. Then the next day I'm shopping, of course. And I look down, I get a text from you. Okay. Don't be mad. That's how it starts. Oh my God. What the fuck did she do? Don't be mad, but I have to say it. Yeah.

It's okay. He'll be fine with it. Yeah. He's obsessed with you. He'll be fine. He's obsessed with you. Exactly. Ew, no. We're going to work on that. We're not working on that.

Pavlovian response to like, he's obsessed with you being ick. Liz, no one should be obsessed with another person. I do very much stick to that. I'm obsessed with you. No. Most people listening are obsessed with you. No. No, they're not. They might like enjoy me.

Pin, because I think that's a whole. Yeah, we could have a whole thing. The reaction is extreme, but the base for me is real. I don't believe anyone should be obsessed with anyone, even though I'm obsessed with Ben and Matt. I have a past. Anyway, you said, okay, don't be, let me read it. You should play it. And then take it out if you don't want to, but you should play it. That feels so mean. No, no, we'll ask him. But I think we should play it because I also think it's a really, really good response. I'll ask him.

Okay. He also doesn't know that I sent it to you. Exactly. But it's okay. I'll bring it up. Okay. You said, and by the way, none of this is in all caps. So don't get mad, but I asked this person to send me a voice note.

We should have a nickname for him. Sean. Cool guy. No, Sean is good. Okay. Okay, Sean. His name is not Sean. Okay.

But we'll call him that. Okay, so don't get mad, but I asked Sean to send me a voice note about why he wants to be set up with you, and I'm dying for this. I was in Target, and I was crying my eyes out. And you said, don't tell him I sent this. And now we're talking about it very publicly. We will get permission. And if not, I will be cutting it. So you send me a voice, this voice memo, which when I'm clicking it, I cannot believe you asked him to do this. Why did you do that? Because it worked. Spoiler alert. Oh, my God. I successfully after many tries, a lot of spaghetti on the wall.

Sometimes it works. Sometimes it works. OK, this is what he said. OK, so so I think maybe I'll just tell you the story of how how this came about. This was like a number of months ago, actually. I think I was on Instagram and I saw you put up something with her. I think I don't know what it was maybe you guys were announcing your podcast or something but i just remember thinking like who is this hottie with this i don't know if you ever got it but i actually messaged you on instagram then and i was like who's monica i didn't hear back from you um and then it wasn't till like maybe a couple weeks ago when i was like talking to and we were talking about you and i was like oh how's liz doing stuff like that It's like that. And I was like, oh, yeah, she has this like really, really cute friend named Monica.

And I actually reached out to her on Instagram about it, but I haven't like heard back or anything. But Leron was like, dude, do you have any idea how many messages Liz gets? And I was like, a lot. He's like, you're going to have to text her or something because she gets inundated on Instagram. I was like, OK, OK, OK. And so then I think maybe that was when, like, a week or so ago, whenever it was, I sent you a message on your phone, like I'm doing now, and asked you about Monica again.

I think what it is, I mean, not only is Monica hot, I'll say it, also, she seems, like, really, really, not only, like, funny, quirky, amazing, just, like, someone that you really, really want to spend time around, I guess. And kind of has like some of that vulnerability that I think kind of comes with people who have a lot of depth as well. And so I think for all those reasons and probably more,

would love to meet her. I bet she's amazing. Yeah, hope that wasn't as dumb as it may be sounding when I just said it out loud. Anyways, please do set us up. If you want to send me her number, I would reach out to her or however you want to do it. But I'd love to meet her. She seems like she's amazing. All right, I'll talk to you later. All right, bye. How did you feel when you heard that? When it started, I was like, oh no.

Like, why? Why did he have to do this? I just felt very cringy on behalf of him. The fact that he had to do this, I felt guilty that he had to do this. But then, yeah, you put him in a weird spot. But then I liked it. I did like it. I can't believe I did. Yeah. I'm very surprised with my own reaction. And that was sort of the main takeaway. I do want to meet him. He seems very, very cool. And for me, a big takeaway was, oh, wow, I could hear that. I could take that in. And I believed what he was saying was true to him. Why were you surprised? Because I never, I can't do that.

What usually happens? I'm so repelled by anyone saying nice things like that. I'm always sort of poking holes and, but they like the show. It doesn't seem like he even mentioned. Yes, which I loved. I mean, maybe by now he might be listening if he started doing a deep dive. And I'm sure this will probably get back to him. But it felt very genuine. It was.

And I could hear it. I don't know why. I have to really be grateful to him and thankful that he gave me that, regardless of whatever happens. And is it hard to believe that there are many people who feel that way about you? I think he is special and unique and you should definitely meet up with him. And Sean is incredible. That being said, I also think that's not the exception. I think it's how a lot of people actually feel about you. And that when they say things, you interpret

it as, oh, it's just this, or you kind of knock it in your head or you interpret it in a way, but you're actually might be projecting what you think they think, not what they actually think. Maybe when I was 35, they liked me. But now I'm old. And you're an old age. I'm in my elderly era. I think the safest thing for you, though, is that he's not an armchair fan. I love that. He's a new fan of Liz's friend.

Right. That's the biggest thing that makes it easier for you to accept. I think that's right. His information about me has not come from the show, which I also, I mean, I'm trying to work on that too a little bit, but it's definitely a plus. Yeah. I guess it feels more natural or normal or what would happen in any circumstance. It's just like, who's your friend? Who's the hot woman in the video? She's so cute and she sounds so great. Instead of like, oh, she has this cool life or this cool job or

she's doing such important work. It's just about Monica. The way he said Monica. He said my name a lot. I know. I loved it. Who's this hottie? Okay. I sent it to one other person. My God, he's going to kill me. I sent it to a friend who's been very much on the hunt for me in a very sweet way. Like very much trying to get me partnered up. I sent her the screen grab first and she was like, oh my God, Liz. And then she called. She loved it. So anyway, TBD on Sean and TBD on a lot of the other things we started to talk about. We talked about a lot of stuff. But wait, I do want to talk about your emotional pin. But I wanted to talk about when you were stuck. We never talked about that. And I feel like it's connected. That wasn't about that. About what I said it was about? I think that you are afraid of the streets in general. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Fine. We'll go.

Damn it. What time is it? It's 1102. We haven't even done questions, but I do think we kind of have to talk about it. We do. Can we just do one question? Yeah. Okay. So I talked about this on Armchair, so people might be familiar. I got stuck on the street in the middle of the night. It was nine. And that's the middle of the night in Los Angeles. It's not, but okay. I was walking back. It was really dark. There was people I was walking by that it felt unsafe. And I started to spiral out and I got really scared and I got stuck and Kristen had to pick me up and drive me home. And I was like really out of sorts about it and an outsized reaction. Like I was crying really hard, which didn't really make sense. And then when I sat with it more, it felt to me like it was sort of a panic attack, like the type of fear that was circulating

and then the relief and the crying and all of that stuff. And for me, what I took was that I just felt very alone. It's like what you said with the cooking. There are just moments where you're like, I feel sad that I made this delicious curry and there's no one here to eat it. It was sort of like that where I felt no one is obligated to help me right now. It's on me or I have to put someone out.

That was the big piece. I know I have people to ask, but it's asking them to stop their lives and come help me, which felt like an intrusion as opposed to if it was a husband or a boyfriend, that's their job. And so it feels like I'm not really putting them out. That's just like what they signed up for. And that felt sad. But you think it's because I'm afraid of the streets? No, you are afraid of the streets, but it wasn't really about the streets. It was more about your heart. And at the time I was like, obviously I would have come and gotten you on my razor scooter and would have been happy to do it. I wouldn't have done it because I'm obligated to do it. I would do it because I want to do it. And the fact that you're surrounded by so many people

who want to help you, I think is the important thing. This I think is relatable to so many people who are listening. Like when I got into my bike accident, I had a cane and like I lived on a six-four walk-up and I wouldn't go into work with my cane. And I remember like, why don't I want people to see me with a cane? Because did you feel like it made you look weak? Yes. I don't want people to think I need help or that I need them to stop their lives to help me. And you did bring up at the time, Callie has her baby. And I'm just wondering if, because that's really new. That's a big thing. It's a big thing when you have a baby, but we don't really talk about how, like it feels to have a really close friend or a best friend

have a child. And that's a really new chapter in your friendship and it changes it. And I wonder if that was also part of it of like, I would have called Callie, but I can't. Yeah, it definitely went through my head when I was going through the list of people who could come help me. She has a very newborn baby. She's the last person on the list right now. And I think that was upsetting a little bit of like,

oh God, yes, this person who I would never have felt. Well, but there are layers, I will say, because she's married too. Before she was married, I would not have thought twice. I would have called her so quickly. I need help. You need to come get me right now. Once she got married, I still know she will do anything for me. I know it in my bones. It's just a logistical shift. It's just when I know when I call, there's somebody else there who she has to say, hey, I got to go help Monica. Maybe they're watching TV and they have to stop watching TV or maybe they're having sex. They have to stop having sex. I don't know what they're doing, but they're doing something

together. They're definitely watching TV. Every couple's just watching TV at home. I know. But still, they're doing something together that she has to stop. It disrupts two people. And then adding a child to the mix is just such another level. I guess for me, it prioritized everything where it's, well, obviously she can't do that. Like, this is so stupid, really, what's happening. Like, I knew it was stupid. It's not. Well, it's not. You're having a panic attack. I mean, I can't think of a more important thing to have someone help you. It's not more important than a new baby. And that's just the truth. And nothing will be. And that's okay. I disagree. Well, if I'm having a seizure, then she probably could leave. But a panic attack is a mental seizure. Like we kind of put mental

health and physical health into different buckets. But if you had just stayed there and not gotten help, it probably would have turned into something more physical. Like, I mean, panic attacks are physical. So again, I've never had a newborn baby, but even if I had a newborn baby, I would be mad if you hadn't called me because of that, right? And you were going through that. Meaning like people want to be there for you. People get pleasure out of helping you. I know, but I have to understand what it's taking. And from her, it would be taking way too much at the time, which is why then it's like you go to the next person,

which I was thinking of you, but I was like, she has a scooter. That's not. And then Jess is at work and he's at work for another like hour and a half. He will come get me when he's done with work. So I guess I could just like stand here and Anna, but Anna lives far away. You know, you just start going through the whole list. And by the way, I'm going through mostly first my single friends. And then when they're not options, then the panic gets even

worse because it feels like, oh my God, these people who don't have anyone to ask if they need to walk out of the house, they also can't do it. Oh my God, no one's here. Like there's, yeah. So anyway, it all worked out because someone did stop their life and it was fine. And then how does this relate to your emotional pin? I find that it's a really not talked about thing. Or I guess I mean, maybe some people talk about it, but just the, I don't know if it's grief because my best friend Kat from home in Montreal, like she is in a long-term relationship. We never talked about it, but it did create a shift, right? Where like, yeah, I used to come into town and it was like, let's hang out. And everything

was kind of about you guys. Yes. The priority is the friendship. And then all of a sudden that person has a different priority. Yeah. And when you told me the story, I kept thinking about this big change with Callie. We've talked about it a little bit, but it's a big deal. It's just complicated. I mean, I think we talked about it a little bit on one of the questions before. It's just accepting the reality that things are fluid and things do change and it's okay. And you can also mourn these losses and embrace the good things. Like I love being around that baby. He's so cute. He's hers. I feel that and it's very special. So all things are happening all at once. It's not just like, well, there she goes.

It's just a change. Changes are hard and beautiful. But I feel like you're not tying the emotional pin. What is it? Do you keep avoiding the emotional pin? You know, like the quote where it's probably a meme, where it's like, I hope. Sorry. It's probably a misattributed quote to Marilyn Monroe.

No, it's like sort of a reference to exes and past lovers. And it's like, I hope you have an amazing life and I hear nothing about it. Oh, you did some sort of deep dive? No, it's just I saw this interview. A kind of public-ish ex had something that you saw. Yes. And there's some stuff in there that's related. And I was like, I hate this. I really want to know how it was to have exes before the internet. I guess I

only have until the fourth or fifth grade experience of what that's like. Yeah. I mean, there's no way to compare or know, but I think pain is pain. And I do think it also depends on the type of imagination you have. I mean, before the internet, I think you could really let your brain run free and have no way of confirming or denying. So it could be just as bad. I don't know. It keeps the person alive. I think I literally saw a Huberman thing on this. Huberman was like, yeah, the way to get over heartbreak or to get over a person is like you cut ties.

And because of the internet, there's so many ways of not cutting ties. I have so much respect for people who don't Google ever. It's really hard. So I had a whole chocolate bar and I felt better. So it worked. Yeah, that's the answer. Okay, we're going to do one question. Sorry we got so chatty.

We got six minutes. Okay, we have six minutes. Ooh, fuck. This is a really good one. so chatty we went into a lot we got six minutes okay we have six minutes ooh fuck this is a really good one ah maybe I should save it I should save it

is there like a yes or no one yeah I'm gonna do a rapid yeah okay no this is a really good one too these are so good I mean should I do the roast chicken one

I mean it's connected oh my god you didn't talk about roast chickens it is connected how do you make. Roast chickens. It is connected. How do you make the perfect roasted chicken and how do you put a meal together? Wow. This is from Sam. How do you figure out how to plan a dinner and make a classic dish? Alison Roman, Alison Roman, Alison Roman. I'll just say that. Actually, my roast chicken recipe, Alison does have a great one, but Molly Boz has an amazing

roast chicken. It's very easy to do. She has a video on YouTube, so you can watch the video and then also look at the recipe. And it's called the pastrami roast chicken. You hate that? Is pastrami in it? Nope. It's the rub on the chicken is like the flavor. So it has... Your face. Oh my God. Oh my God. Okay. It's brown sugar, black pepper, paprika, salt, olive oil. I think that's it. There might be one other spice. And then you rub that on the chicken. There's garlic and onion in the big pot. You roast it. Open the window so your smoke alarm doesn't go off.

Pro tip, it's so good. The onions get so melty and the garlic gets roasted. And it's unbelievable. It's so good. And then even if you're by yourself, make the chicken and save most of it. It's fine. Another good hack is to shred it up and then you have that for the week or throw it in a soup. Tacos. Tacos. Exactly. Chicken. Yeah. Yeah.

They have chicken tacos. Yeah. She doesn't know about meat. I don't know about it. But yeah, make it and enjoy it. It's fun to have it. If you drink, have a little glass of wine while you're cooking. I like listening to podcasts while I'm cooking. So just have that on the background. Eventize. Yeah, eventize. What's the number one mistake people make when they make a whole chicken? Okay, so if it's starting to burn, which sometimes that's happened to me,

you can take a little bit of aluminum foil and make a little sort of tent and just place it on top of the chicken so it doesn't burn. So if it's starting to burn, you can do that. Also a meat thermometer. Get yourself a meat thermometer so you can really make sure it's the right temp. That's a good one. But there's some amazing questions for next week that we will get to and we will prioritize just like ourselves. I love you. I love you more. See you next week. Bye.