Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Synced: Kiki vs Bouba

Episode Date: June 5, 2024

In this episode of Synced, Monica and Liz are bi-coastal! They chat about heart emojis, death, and hot cartoon characters. They answer listener questions on what direction to face in the shower and if it's worth the risk to tell a teacher that their pole-dancing video playlist is public. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi, Liz. Hi. Are you in a hotel? No, I'm at Heather's place in her guest room. So no bunk bed for me. No bunk bed. Do you miss it? You know, I don't. That's understandable. How are you? How's LA? LA's good. We're just coming out of a holiday weekend. It was very chill. It was nice. Did you relax? Did you take time off?

I wasn't sure if you were gonna work. I worked some, but I had some relaxation time. I've been watching a ton of To Do Yesterday's Fightless Bird, Six Feet Under. You're still in your Six Feet Under binge. I'm on season two now. It's so interesting. It makes me wanna talk about death with you. I feel like that's one of our top three topics.

Definitely one of our top three thoughts, for sure. But first, I want to hear it, because you're in New York, and you've been in New York for about a week. Yes, I've been here for a week. It's been the best. The only thing that rivals May, New York, is September, New York. And I think I'd still choose May,

although I do love September. Oh, but within like a few minutes of getting here, I thought of you. I didn't text you about it, because I wanted to tell you on the show. But I had a married man event. Oh, but within like a few minutes of getting here, I thought of you. I didn't text you about it because I wanted to tell you on the show. But I had a married man event. Oh, my God. Within the first few minutes of just like walking in the streets.

What happened? So a meeting outside, we'll do a shout out, Sweet Green. I don't think they need it, but... Wow. That's not what I expected in New York. Liz! Wow, that's not what I expected in New York. Liz. I'm basic, okay? Also, to be clear, I was a Sweet Green,

I was part of the OG group. Like I liked Sweet Green before everyone else did when it was just like there was one shop in the West Village. Anyway, I don't know, I just needed something fast and quick and I just sat outside and ate my salad. And then this guy walks by, he like looks at me and then I kind of look at him and then he double takes and then I look at him again.

And then I'm like, okay, whatever, keep eating my salad. Then he U-turns, comes back and he's like, hey, are you Liz? And I was like, yeah. He's like, I've been following your work. And then we like are totally flirting. Then at one point he's like, should I sit down? And I was like, yeah.

Oh my God, what? Literally half an hour into this conversation, I notice the ring. Not to victim blame, but at this point, I guess I gotta like scan the hands. I just assumed based on the vibe that this was like full on. And so then I see the ring and I'm like so confused

because again, at the beginning, one of the things he said was like, oh, like I don't drink. And I was like, yeah, I stopped drinking a while ago like how do you find dating I asked him a literal question about dating he didn't say like I'm married what so bad of him well at one point he was like let's get breakfast while here and I was like you're married right and then he's like yeah but my wife is a big fan I've been texting her I'm with here." And I was like, you're married, right? And then he's like, yeah, yeah, but my wife is a big fan.

I've been texting her, I'm with Liz Mike. And then I was like, okay, we're not meeting for breakfast. Thank you, but like, you know. But so it ended in a jovial matter, but I was left just, I think I'm just not gonna be open to hot strangers who are my age. What was the kind of conversation you were having? I think this is indicative.

Was it about your work? Not really. Like, it was very all over the place and, like, making jokes about Seinfeld episodes that we liked. It wasn't like, you're hot. Like, it wasn't, like, sexual, which would have been weird anyways, but it was definitely, like, to me, flirty.

But I guess if you're texting your wife about it, it's fine. Weird. Anyway, so yeah, I just legitimately don't. I guess it's a thing women will be like check men's hands for rings. And I think I don't. I just go off a vibe, I guess. I also feel like a lot of people aren't married or are divorced.

Like, so I don't think about it, but I guess I have to. Well, also in Canada, they don't get married as much, you said. So maybe you're just not as aware of the ring. Yes. Well, it's not. Yes, there are other ways of signifying your love to each other than getting married. I will say, I do think I look at that more than I think.

If there is a hot guy, I do think I scan their hand quickly. It's almost subconscious. I think it's sort of ingrained here. And even though I like that in Canada they show their love in much different ways, I will say this is easy to just see like, oh yeah, no. Yes, this has cemented the need for me to be a little bit, yeah, less optimistic. I mean, it was a nice conversation. If I'd known he was married, I probably would have, I mean anyway, we've already talked

about this, but he got so much validation out of it. And I was just like, okay, now I feel worse. Exactly. I don't want to continue this like, like hang out. But he was like very confused. And I was like, I don't know how else to explain this to you. Okay. If you were married here in America, and so you had rings.

And then your husband said, because I know this about a lot of men, they like don't like it. They say it's like comfort, right? And to be fair, most men aren't as used to having jewelry on their hand as women are. Stereotypically, I'm speaking in generalizations there, obviously, But I know

some men who don't want to wear it or don't wear it or like Dax doesn't have one. He has a tattoo instead of a bell. And I think another one of my friends has something like that because they don't like the feeling of the jewelry. But what would happen if you were married and then like a month in your husband said, Liz, I just like hate this ring. Like I don't like wearing it. I fidget with it all the time. All I do is take it off and drop it.

And I don't want to wear it anymore. What would you say? That's such a good question. So I know I shouldn't be putting things out there that are bad, but I'm gonna put it out there that if I ever get married, there's a 99% like I've already accepted that I will probably lose the ring. Oh my god. It's just gonna happen. I lose really important things all the time. So I identify with, well maybe it wouldn't be the discomfort as much as the like fear that I would lose it or like my Invisalign, like to me is like the closest thing to an engagement

ring. I lost that a lot of times. You know, you need to put it down to remember where you put it down. And so I don't think I would mind, I guess, if I have no inkling that this is because he wants to flirt with people, if the relationship is secure, right? Like everything depends on the relationship being secure. Of course. There's so many times that I've been so upset about things when I've dated one person, and then can't imagine being upset over that with another person, right? Like, and when I look back at those relationships,

I'm like, it made so much sense in the context of the relationship, because the relationship wasn't secure. And so if the relationship was really secure, yeah, I probably wouldn't mind. And it'd be kind of cool. You can get matching tattoos, which kind of is fun. How would you feel? I do understand the idea that that's not comfortable. But I also like the idea of my husband having like an acknowledgement of our marriage on their person. I do like that because I guess I'm so traditional.

I'm a trad wife. I'm gonna be a trad wife. You becoming a trad wife would be the biggest plot twist in American history. I know, I kind of want that to happen. This actually is something I've been thinking about. Do you ever think about doing like a full pivot? There's this Republican senator,

or sorry, he's running for office. I can't remember where, but he was an NFL player, was super pro Black Lives Matter, was like a huge advocate. And now he's totally done a 180. He recently said that women are becoming too mouthy. That's the quote. Why is that the new thing circling our streets? Our streets?

I mean, what the fuck? It's really concerning. Anyway, I was just reading about this guy, and he just basically did this 180, where he was very progressive, and he's like on Alex Jones. Like, he's full on conspiracy theory. Like, women have gone too mouthy. Republican Senate candidate in Minnesota, Royce White.

And sorry, he was a former pro basketball player. That's you being mouthy, getting it wrong. Exactly. Mouthy is also so coded. Ugh. Who put that thumbs up? Did you notice that little thumbs up? Oh, to me? Oh, yeah. Yours is doing all kinds of stuff.

It'll do a heart. Oh, wow. I mean, thumbs of stuff. It'll do a heart. Oh wow. I mean, thumbs up also means fuck you in text speak. Oh, it does? It's like putting a period at the end of a text. Oh, I don't, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I do not abide by that. If you thumbs up a text, you know, the thumbs up,

you can heart a text now. So if you thumbs up something, Rob just thumbs up my last text. If you thumbs up something, it's like no worries with a period. It means like fine. I disagree. It depends on who you're talking to. I think thumbs up is professional. Depends on who I'm talking to and what I'm doing, but I don't always like a heart.

Heart is very familiar. And sometimes whatever we're talking about isn't conducive to a heart. I'm all for a thumbs up. I'll use it if someone's like, I'll be there in five minutes, or like, do you want the low-fat yogurt? Then I'll thumbs up it as like a shorthand to yes. But I think if it's like Kat's boyfriend,

they live together, and Kat's boyfriend had like done a favor for Kat's parents. And so he sent this text saying like, hey, I just emptied out your da da da da da. And then Kat's dad like thumbs up it. And Kat had to explain to her dad like the difference between a heart and a thumbs up, that a thumbs up can come across as like a little bit,

not passive aggressive. It's just like, why aren't you writing something? It feels like, yeah, it feels like you're doing that instead of like engaging with what the person is saying. But that's the whole point of those things is so you don't have to engage. It's just like, I'm acknowledging this, but there's no reason to be writing anything.

Cause you don't feel that way with the heart. Heart's the same thing. Okay, I'm just thinking of like a situation with my roommate. Let's say that I'm like, hey, I accidentally used some of your eggs, gonna replace them. If she were to like thumbs up that. Instead of like no worries.

Yeah, I think I would be like, oh, she's, she must be. I see. I mean, but if she just hearted it, I would feel the same way. I do think if you're apologizing for something or you're showing up with some sort of emotion and that the response is only one of those little like shortcuts, then I agree. It is a little passive aggressive, regardless of what the actual thing is.

And I think there's still a tear that like the heart would hurt a little less, but the thumbs up would signal. I think you're right that in some situations, putting a tear that like the heart would hurt a little less, but the thumbs up would signal. I think you're right that in some situations putting a heart is like weird or like too intimate. Yeah, it's too intimate. The heart is intimate. But what do you think is like sending a purple heart versus hearting something? Happy Memorial Day.

Purple hearts are for happy Memorial Day. If you send me a purple heart, I know you're saying happy Memorial Day. If you send me a blue heart, I think you're saying I'm at the hospital. If you send a red heart, classic. Pink heart, I'm a baby. Or like the hand heart. I just think there's like a heart, there's tears. I feel like there's a conversation about this.

Like at first, even if you're dating someone, you don't send a red heart. Like you can send a purple heart. No, no hearts at first. Well, not the first date, but if you guys are dating, I think it's fine. So you only send red hearts if you've said I love you? Well, maybe not I love you, but that you're like explosive. That you're clearly like falling in love.

Interesting. I am a smiley face girl for a while. It's gonna be a minute before you get a heart. Most people don't. I mean, most people I'm dating. I mean, I don't get far enough in that they've received hearts. Have you ever sent a red heart?

I mean, it's hard for me to know because I send them all the time to my friends. I do send red hearts a lot, but dating? Do you send red hearts to guys that you're not dating that are your friends? Yeah. Or is that inappropriate? I mean, I don't think it is.

I think I sent a red heart to Charlie this morning. I would feel a little weird about it. If it happened, I would be like, I should probably choose a different color. Any of the people in my close friend group, Dax, Charlie, Eric, Matt, Jess, definitely, they all get red hearts from me. Am I skipping some? Oh Ryan, yeah they all get red hearts. I have no, I have no worries about that, but that's

because they're all family. It's a different tier. Hmm, you know what's interesting? Well, I was gonna say I don't know if I would send a red heart to Callie's husband, but maybe I would. I think I would. Now I'm just overthinking it. If it's anyone I feel safe with, then yeah, I feel fine about it. I think I've sent Rob a red heart.

Have I? Yeah, I think so. There you go. Oh, wow. See, in the case of Charlie and Eric and all that stuff, you're friends of them independently. They, in the case of Charlie and Eric and all that stuff, you're friends of them independently. They're not your friend's boyfriend or husband. They're your friend. Individual relationships. Yeah, Heather's boyfriend, like I would never send her a heart.

Like that would be weird. That's so inappropriate. It would be insane. Oh my god. No, but it would make me. Yeah, I would just not do that. It's different if they're your friend versus... I mean, it's all these, like, relationships are so funny. Hold on, I want to check something. Okay, whew! I thought for a second that I sent a red heart to someone I was talking to for a second who ghosted me, but I didn't. I just checked. Thank God. Dodged a bullet.

Oh, my God. He does not deserve. Not even a purple heart. He doesn't deserve Memorial Day? He doesn't deserve any heart emoji. What do you think yellow heart means? Happy spring. I feel like yellow heart is the least romantic. OK, very friendly.

Yeah, very friendly, unassuming, non-threatening. It's light. I'm not a yellow-heart girl. Yellow-heart girls are like Hufflepuffs. Sorry. I know there's so many Hufflepuffs out there, and they're great. I'm not against Huffles, but that's

a very, like, friendly, warm person who sends a yellow heart. And that's not my personality. What do you think is the most popular color of heart? Red. I feel like it's probably purple. You think it's is the most popular color of heart? Red. I feel like it's probably purple. You think it's purple? I think it's pink or red. Rob, can you look it up?

Yeah. We're all on Zoom for the listener. I don't like purple. There's something about purple, even though purple's my favorite color, there's something about it that gives me like... Yeah, it's the red one. Yes! Is there a first, second, and third?

I'm seeing meanings. There's purple heart, commonly used to represent love, support, close bonds, and admiration for things. Blue, loyalty, trust, and tranquility. Green is nature, growth, and harmony. That's like very obvious. I've never used green in my life. Oh, I've used green.

Sometimes I like trying them out. Yellow's liking and friendship as opposed to romantic love. There we go. Yeah, we knew. It's all pretty intuitive. I mean, these are definitions that are like... it's etched in stone. Although, to me, purple has a sadness to it. So that's why I don't love it. Blue has a little bit of a sadness to it,

but also in a sexy way. It's like a longing. Oh, interesting. Blue is in I miss you for me. Yeah, there's some depth to blue. Oh, ding ding ding. Oh, depth. I thought you said death.

Death. Oh. Death is depth. Oh, God, tell me about it. But do you want to talk about death, or do you want to just keep talking about emojis? I think we've exhausted emojis. Well, we haven't, actually, because Dax and I got in a, like, not a fight, but a quarrel about an emoji,

because I've been using this girl a little bit. Yeah, you told me. You've been using it on me, too. Yeah, I like it. I like her. I want to be her. I think that's sort of, to me, she's carefree. She's like, I don't care. Like, it's fine. Whatever.

Shrug emoji. Dax thinks that's apathetic, which it is, but I take that in a positive way. Like, apathetic, like, doesn't really matter. Who cares? Nonchalant. Yeah, nonchalant. You know what I don't feel about? Death at all.

Okay, something horrible happened. So I've been watching Six Feet Under, show about death. We've talked about it and it's old, so it's fun because it's from early 2000s, early aughts. And when we did this episode of Flightless Bird, we showed scenes from our favorite episodes. And one of David's favorite episodes is the finale of the series.

And so he showed the final scene, which is how everyone passes, basically. Like it was so beautiful, but I didn't know any of the characters, right? So it didn't mean anything. It was just like, oh wow, yeah, that's a beautiful ending. And yesterday I was editing that episode and while I was editing it, I thought,

oh, I kinda wanna re-watch that. Bad idea for a few reasons. One, it was then so devastating, cause now I know them. And two, there was a huge spoiler. It was so bad, and I was crying so hard for so long. Oh. And I couldn't get over it. It was getting very existential.

Like, I could not believe people die. It's really not OK. It's not nice. We do not think about death nearly as much as we should, because it would make life very difficult. If you were thinking about the fact that every single person around you or you could die at any moment,

you wouldn't wanna go to work. You wouldn't wanna do the boring things of life. You would just wanna enjoy every single moment that you have with every single person. But it's wild that we don't think about it. I know, it's the only way out. That final scene of the show, because at the beginning of the show, I think we talked about this, the cold open is a death,

and then that's the person in the casket for the episode. So there's like a little scene where somebody dies, and then the screen goes white, and you see Jeffrey K. Williams, 1959 to 2001. Then the show starts. And I just had this overwhelming feel, like I was just going through all the people in my head and thinking like, we are all going to have a timestamp and we don't know what it is.

And it is so overwhelming. And my therapist told me to start doing some more present moment practices. And obviously I haven't been doing them. So this is like not the show for me to be doing right now when I'm supposed to be doing present moment practices, but it's so good. Thinking about death does make you appreciate the present moment. Like weirdly I feel like turning 37 for whatever reason the number just feels like closer to 40. I mean it's the closest to 40 I've ever been, honestly. But there's something about it where in the last few months, I've been weirdly realizing it's gonna end. 40 is so young and I'm not even 40. But weirdly, like, I've gone from

being quote-unquote young or like feeling like whatever, like you don't think about how much time you'll have, to like now I kind of do. And it's kind of nice. It does make me appreciate my life a little bit more. Like when I can sort of connect with that deeper, you know, instead of just like, oh, I have wrinkles or like noticing I'm getting old in negative ways. I'm like, oh wow, like this goes by fast. I like relate to old people now.

Like the way that old people talk, where they're like, one day you're gonna blink and you're gonna be, you you know or my parents were in their 70s being like I still feel like I'm 27 like oh right I'm gonna feel this way even when I'm their age and like I just relate to aging in a different way I think but you're young you're still 36 does this allow you to be thankful for life or are you just in the anxiety part? So I was really in high anxiety mode, but then I did step back. I mean, it's such a cliche.

Like, it just sounds so cheesy. But death is why life is meaningful. If we didn't have it, it wouldn't be. And so it's such a fucked up divine tragic comedy that we all come here, we all fall in love, and then we all experience death. It's crazy. Life is crazy that it's designed this way.

It's beautiful. Like it is beautiful that we all have some time on this earth and we do stuff here, you know, and then we leave. Sometimes you need that. It's like, I felt like the eclipse did that for me for some weird reason. Cause you don't think about life while you're living.

You just live. It's like, you don't think about breathing while you breathe. When you're not able to breathe is when you really think about breathing and that's all you can think about, right? Yeah, Heimlich. Coming back to the Heimlich. Self-imposed Heimlich.

But no, you're right, you're right. And so the eclipse for me was like, I don't think about the fact that we're living in this universe. Like, that's wild. The solar system in the universe and like we're on a floating rock. Like, yeah, you don't, I don't think about that on a daily basis. But the eclipse kind of forces you to and you're like, what?

Life is so enchanting and magic. Support for Synced comes from Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions. It monitors your spending and it helps lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. We love this because we need to be saving the money we can to be buying other fun stuff we want. Exactly. And nothing will derail my day than like a 7.99.

I don't know what it's from or where it's from on my banking app and that I don't even know how to cancel. Yes. And so what I love about Rocket Money is that I can see all of my subscriptions in one place and if I see something that I don't want, Rocket Money can help me cancel it with a few taps. It's all in one place, so it's like,

you don't have any questions about what's what. Because I just get overwhelmed by it and then I just ignore it and then I'm wasting so much money. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of 500 million in cancelled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features. Stop wasting money on things you don't use Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money comm slash s y n C That's rocket money comm slash sink rocket money comm slash s y n C Sink to sponsored by better help. We love better help. We love therapy

We talk about it all the time. The benefits are, you can't even quantify or qualify the benefits over time. My therapist said is a phrase that comes out of my mouth four times a day. It's also, I feel like I've benefited so much from other people being in therapy too. I just feel like friends and family and in you know, in my relationships, if I know

that someone is in therapy or has done therapy, it just, I know it's gonna be so much more of a healthier, easier relationship. Yeah, just the world is so much better when more of us are in therapy. And if you yourself are struggling or you know someone who is struggling, trying better help or like offering better help to someone is such a nice thing to do. It's an easy way to enter therapy. It's online, it's convenient, it's flexible, you can work around your schedule which is the hardest part of therapy and you just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist and then you can switch therapists if it's

not working for you which is great. Take a moment, visit betterhelp.com slash synced today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, h-e-l-p dot com slash synced. I also had the thought, and this is not to alienate anyone, because I really understand religiosity. And I understand the need and the desire to believe in a divine power or someone or something that's orchestrating all of this. I get it. But also, it feels to me sometimes that that idea and that mentality, giving ownership to a god,

kind of robs life of its actual magic. It is magic. All of this is incredible. It's almost hard to believe it's real. I think sometimes handing it over to a god is unfair a little bit, because I think it's special on its own. It's like life is beautiful and wonderful

and magical and awful and all these things on its own. I know often we need answers and we need like reasons and we need control and that's why a lot of these things sprout. But I don't know. It's like to me it's kind of okay that that we just all exist and that's special on its own. Yeah, I think having a higher power from my understanding of it, it's actually relinquishing control, realizing that like in many ways the weather system is God. You don't have to, I think, believe in a guy in the sky to believe in God. There are forces that are beyond us. And so it's a way to relinquish actually sort of the idea that, yeah, you're,

you're in control here or you're the complete master of your own faith, which like I've had to work really hard because it helps me when I think that there's a higher meaning or a higher order and that me trying to do everything I can to like reverse that is just making the universe kind of laugh because it's so much more powerful than me.

But I see your point meaning that like, you don't even need to create someone, right, that's, like, pulling the strings in order to be in awe. I think everyone should believe whatever they believe, and whatever gets you through is great. But I even think needing there to be a force bigger than us in order to say, you know what, I don't have control here is also a mechanism, right, as opposed to just knowing

this is part of existence, you don't have control. I mean, it's just much harder, but I don't know. I just find it interesting. And then I do think there is control in a lot of organized religions about afterlife and stuff. Like there is like, well, if I do this, then I have that after. And that comes, I do believe from needing and safety, that like, I'll see these people again, which I get, I wish I believed it. Because I think I would be so much less upset and anxious. Oh yeah, it's all fine, I'll see them again.

That was the hardest part of doing any 12-step for me was this higher power stuff, because I was like, I was never raised in that, and like, it still is hard for me. Yeah, I'm jealous of people who just do it naturally, or like effortlessly, or like really believe it, whereas I have to really get in the mood. But love is a higher power.

When you think about like what happens to you when you're in love or love somebody, it's profound, like it's intangible, and it is the real source of life. And so Sancti said that because one of my friends just yesterday was talking about how relationships have higher powers. She was like, oh, you don't have to figure out this thing. Like your relationship with this person like has a higher power. And just that I was like, oh, wow, that's so nice to like, think about.

Yeah, I don't have to like do all these things or figure it out or fix it or like, right? That there's a higher order of things and it'll happen if it's meant to happen and it won't if it doesn't. Kind of takes away like some of the, on my end, like neuroticism around it. But yeah, that's literally what she said.

And so it's so funny. It's very similar to what you just shared, which like is a helpful way to approach dating and relationship, I mean, any kind of relationship, whatever that means to you, right? I mean, some people, it's like the whole no free will thing, that there's no free will anyways, so I don't have to go down rabbit holes

or control everything, right? Because it's already decided in a way. I know. I'm on the fence about free will. I mean, I don't think it's all or nothing. And I think a lot of people in this debate do think it's all or nothing. I definitely, like when we had Robert Sapolsky on

and his book Determined is about determinism and free will. And, you know, some people ask us a lot, what's the one thing you've taken from the show, from Armchair, after doing like 700 episodes or whatever? Which is hard to answer. Normally my answer is that no one knows anything actually, because you hear from this expert and they know everything and then another expert on the same topic

that also knows everything has a completely different take. Again, it's not all or nothing, it's we take pieces. But anyway, I think actually something that has changed my perspective after doing this show is this Robert Sapolsky episode, because he really, I mean, we like know it sort of ephemerally, but this is the first time it's stuck with me that we do not have any control

over our fundamental circumstances in life. And that sets the stage for life in such everything, in literally everything, in such a real way. And so it has changed my opinion on so many things. One, like everyone is just trying to take credit for the things they have, like sorry, you can't. And also easing up on people, you know, just like not being so punitive, not being so judgmental. It's like no one chose, even when people make

horrible decisions. And I'm not saying like we shouldn't have a justice system. There should be repercussions and consequences, but there should also be grace across the board and a lack of judgment and a lot definitely a lack of Superiority because there's so much like oh my god. I would never do that. I could never do that Yeah, you could never because you have a life That's completely different than that person's and you have no idea what you are capable of doing in that circumstance So it's definitely changed the way I view that So it's definitely changed the way I view that. It's a great thing to remember that particularly the most important things of your life were totally determined.

And the things you think you worked so hard for, you did. Like no one's taking away that you worked hard, but the ability to work harder, the things behind that, you didn't pick. And you got lucky. Like we're all so lucky. We are so lucky. Anywho. Anything else on death before we do questions? I wanted to ask you about the hot rodent boyfriend trend. What's that? Oh my god. Hot rodent? Eww. I already hate this, but I want to hear it.

I know. Also, look, when I went to the store the other day, a different store, they had my soaps that were on last week's gift guide. Cute. Oh my God, I can smell them all the way from here. This one is a new scent, orange, and it smells so good. I can't wait to come smell it. Such a weird thing to say. Okay, what's hot rodent?

Okay, hot rodent boyfriend is, we're moving away from golden retriever boyfriend, which was the previous ideal of the boyfriend that is very doting and overly interested in pleasing and being of service. And now Hot Rodent Boyfriend Summer, it's coming from the Challenger's movie. Apparently there were a lot of memes, internet commentary about the fact that the two guys in the movie kind of look like rats. Oh my God that's so not in a negative way. What? I guess there's a movie with like rats from our childhood or something like that and like women

have been like oh I had such a crush on the rat in the movie like do you know how like we definitely all had crushes on cartoon characters like I don't know who your man crush or female crush was. Or animal crush, which sounds weird, but when you're a kid. I've just never liked animals or cartoons. You wouldn't have fucked with Simba. Fucked Simba or fucked with? Fucked with. Fucked with.

Oh my god. God. God. Simba's a baby. And most importantly, a lion. Like, I think that. In the order of? Yeah, just like the things you don't want to do. And most importantly, a lion. Like, I think that... In the order of...

Yeah, just like the things you don't wanna do. No, actually for me, worst is that he's a child. Then he's a lion. Then he's a cartoon. Yes, well, human baby versus animal, I would have to, yeah. But baby lion, I would focus on the lion part. Okay, lion piece.

Well, this is telling. Like, if we're talking about that movie in particular, the most attractive one to me isn't Simba. Simba's so childlike, obviously, because he's a child. It'd be Mufasa. Oh! Twist, you like Mufasa even though he's the villain? No, Mufasa's the dad. Oh.

Scar is the villain. Scar, okay. For a minute, I thought you meant Scar. And I was like, we gotta do a deep dive on that. No, Mufasa, the nice dad who dies. Spoiler. Is it your fetish that you would have taken care of him while he was dying? Yeah. Probably.

But also, no, he was this capable, strong, nice dad. And then they killed him. I mean, Disney movies and killing parents, it is so fucked up. The way they just killed so many parents. Yeah, who's the hottest character? I had a major crush on Thumper and the skunk. What's her name and Bambi?

Let me look her up. I wanted both of them, but that was a common theme for me as a kid. Like I was obsessed with couples because I think I was already bisexual. Oh, interesting. I love Lois and Clark. Lois and Clark the explorers?

No, no, no, the real, with Laurie, what's her name? No, Tori Spelling. Oh, like Superman. Terry Hatcher. Terry Hatcher, oh my God. Wait, and then Christopher Reeves? Dean Cain. Okay, hold on.

You're making me look up a lot of stuff. The skunks name in Bambi is Flower. Oh, it's Flower? Such a hot name. Flower and Thumper. Dean Cain is an American actor and police officer. I interviewed him recently and I told him I had such a crush on him,

even though we have vastly different political beliefs on the other end. Yeah, I'm not liking some of these things I'm seeing. Yeah, yeah. It's very... It would be an unlikely romance. But I loved couples. I think I just wanted to be in a threesome, you know?

Or like, I don't know. We all do, right? We're just obsessed with certain couples. You know, Fennifer. It's very common. Yeah, those were my... But then I also love Prince Eric. I mean, I loved all of it.

I ate it all up. Aladdin and Jasmine, both of them were so hot. Yeah. This is unfortunate. I can't really relate. I don't think I was drawn very much to make believe. Especially when it was like cartoon that was too far away.

I couldn't fantasize about that because it was so obviously not real. Even when I was little. When I was young, I was not scared of monsters because those aren't real. Like I was scared of kidnappers and robbers. Those are real dangers. And so I think it worked the same way with attraction.

Like when I was in love with that boy's dad. Got it. He was a real boy and a real man. All right. And he was hot. Wow, that's interesting. When you did like kid stuff, were you a little embarrassed? Like really like, this is not cool. Like this is a kid thing. I think the opposite. I was probably like, I should like this. Everyone likes it. Oh, wow. But I don't. Interesting. Disney movies didn't really do it for me in the way

that they did for so many people. I mean, I did like Lion King. I will say that one really stood out. You didn't like the Disney princess? Like Little Mermaid? Not really. Wow. I did sort of, but girls are obsessed with specifically

the Disney princesses and they have the figurines and little dollies and I didn't. And I didn't care. That's so surprising, because I would have thought, because there's such a fantasy element to it, right? Of these perfect, I mean, that's what the Disney princess is. Sure, you want to be the girl, but you also want to fall in love like that, right?

You want the love and the knight in shining armor. But you didn't relate to that. No, it is kind of weird. In real life movies, you did, though. Yes. Live action had my heart. Like, say by the best. I had crushes on all the real people, live action.

But the cartoons, not so much. And you're right, it's kind of weird that I didn't even connect with their love. The strongest pull was Mufasa dying and then leaving his family. And did you cry? You still attached to the story or you were still like, this isn't real? I was very attached to him dying.

I think my mom cried in Lion King and I think that's in my head. She took me to the movie theater and she cried. I barely have seen her cry. So I think that was ding ding ding scarring. Pfft. Right, that your mom is upset. You don't want to see your, I mean, at that age.

Or even now. I never want to. It's too traumatic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't. It's unsettling. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't. It's unsettling. We're not stable in that way.

I wish we were. Me too. I think we'd be better off. There's like a version of us in a universe, coming back to like, I don't think everything's predetermined, but I think that it's like everything ever all at once. There's a universe where you end up with this person

that you ended up rejecting or passing over. And I think there's a version of the universe where we're more stable and we're totally different. That's kind of fun to think about. Wait, card's full? No. Uh oh. Okay, wait, wait, wait.

I wonder how long you got. I know. But we have this, thank God, backup. But should I dump and then rejoin? What should she do, Rob? Yeah, or if you have another card, but you probably don't. I would just try to delete some stuff off that, but make sure you don't delete what we have.

OK, let me... Oh my God, thank God I looked. Oh my God, so scary. OK, so if I stop it... But don't delete what you... Yeah, don't delete what you just recorded. Alright. Let's try this again. Stop it. But don't delete what you. Yeah, don't delete what you just recorded. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I hate it. Let's try this again.

Okay. Is eight gigs like a small card? Yep. Okay. Monica's got a 128 gig card probably. Oh, shit. Okay. We're back, back, baby.

Okay, so Hot Rodent, Boyfriend. Yeah. So I just looked it up. We had a little bit of a technical difficulty and while we were dealing with it, I looked it up and yeah, I guess the Challenger's boys are apparently like Roddy St. James, the rat from Flushed Away and Stuart Little.

But I don't know Flushed Away. Me neither. I think that's maybe Flushed Away. Me neither. I think that's maybe a Gen Z era. Like we were really too old. I don't know it either. But yeah, girls had crushes, I guess, on those characters. On Roddy St. James. Again, it sounds like a negative,

but it's not that they have rat-like features and that this fits in the category of Jeremy White Allen. Jeremy Allen White. Jeremy Allen White. Jeremy Allen White. I do not get it. I'm just not a stan. I like so get it. That's why I think hot rodent boyfriend is just what I want as a boyfriend.

That's my type, I think. Well, what's happening with their personalities? Personality is they're sweet, like, but they're a little dirty. Oh, like sexually? No, I think just they have a scruff and like, again, golden retriever is preppy coated, you know, and like proper polo shirts. Exactly.

Whereas hot rodent, it's like a chalamet. I think it's a little more feminine to be honest. But I don't think Jeremy Allen White's feminine at all. Interesting. Because his body is not, oh God, we're getting into scary territory, but he's not thin-oey. To me, it's more of the frame that makes it, like these Challenger's boys are not stick thin.

Are they? Actually, I don't know enough about them. I mean, they're pretty skinny, but they're not- They're muscular, though. Right. And so is Jermail in white. He's very muscular. Totally. Pedro Pascal is a little rodme Alan White. He's very muscular. Totally. Pedro Pascal

is a little rodent. Really? He's so hot. Yeah, he's hot, but it's true that it's like a little rougher. He's not like a Brad Pitt clean cut. I mean Brad Pitt can get scruffy, but his face is just so pretty. Support for SYNCT comes from Vegamore. I love Vegamore. I was at a hotel the other day and I forgot my Vegamore. And so I had to use other shampoo and I could feel it immediately. Same!

Ew, my hair feels disgusting. Yeah. I now need to travel with my Vegamore. What I love about Vegamore is that it's all natural, but it keeps your hair full and really healthy. Yes. And yeah, I'm totally addicted. It doesn't feel stripped, which I think is really nice, because some shampoos and conditioners,

my hair feels really dry after. Right. Vegamore, yeah, it just feels very nourished. Some other products can be super clean and cruelty- free, but there's a trade-off. It's just not as good. With Vegamore, it actually works. It's made with all those ingredients. There's no trade-off.

You can still feel good about what you're putting in your hair, and it looks great. Give your hair the power of the little pink bottle with Vegamore. For a limited time, SYNC'd listeners get 20% off their first order by going to vegamore.com slash synced and use code synced at checkout. That's V-E-G-A-M-O-U-R dot com slash S-Y-N-C-E-D code synced to save 20% off your first order. V-E-G-A-M-O-U-R dot com slash S-Y-N-C-E-D code synced. Support for Synced comes from ZocDoc. We all know there are things in life you have to compromise on. We just talked about that. We've been talking about it in episodes.

As part of life, you have to give a little bit, but not when it comes to your health. There's no time for that. So don't go back to that one doctor who you know isn't great. We've all done this, where you have a doctor and you don't really feel like figuring out a new doctor, but they're only okay and you're only getting sort of half care. But you don't have to do that. You can go to ZocDoc,

which is a place you can find and book doctors who will make you feel comfortable. They'll listen to you, prioritize your health. It's all in one place. It's so easy. It's so easy and it's so convenient. You can search by location, by availability. Sometimes it's like, I need to see a doctor today, this afternoon. So you can search by availability.

You can search by insurance, right? I need a doctor that is covered by my insurance. All you have to do is take a photo of your insurance card and they're going to figure it out for you. And it's a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. Go to zocdoc.com slash synced and download the ZocDoc app for free. Then find and book a top rated doctor today.

That's z-o-c-d-o-c dot com slash synced. S-y-n-c-e-d. Zocdoc.com slash synced. [♪ Music playing. Have you heard about the whole Kiki? Okay, this is the last. Kiki versus Booba. What? Kiki versus Booba? The hell is that?

No, it's like a real thing. Okay, so it's a very hard concept to explain on a podcast, but I'm going to try. Scientists gave people two shapes, and one of them is almost like the electric, like a, oh my God, how to describe this shape. Like a starburst. Can you see it? Okay, yeah. Kind of like a star with sharp edges.

Yeah, almost like a boom explosion kind of emoji. And then how would you describe the other one, like this one? To me, it's like a flower. It gives a little bit like flower power. And so they showed people these images and they said, which one is Kiki and which one is Booba? And almost everybody. This is amazing.

Yeah, the left one is Kiki. That's Kiki. And then Booba. That's Booba, right? And so then this woman took this experiment and was like, there are guys that are Kiki and there are guys that are Booba. Brad Pitt is a Kiki.

Ah! See? I don't think so. George Clooney, Kiki. Pedro Pascal, Booba. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Me and you have much, much different, I mean, we were on the same page about which one was Kiki and which one was Booba, but to me, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, mean? Or vibe? It depends, but I think the vibe is that he's perfect and like, very chiseled and like, his body and like, there's not a lot to blob onto.

Whereas like, Pedro Pascal, a Andrew Garfield, like, those are boobas. They're not kikis. Like, Andrew Garfield's not a kiki. No, I agree. He's not a kiki, but he's not, but I don't think Brad Pitt is a kiki. I think George Clooney is a Kiki, but he's not, but I don't think Brad Pitt is a Kiki. I think George Clooney is a Kiki, but I'm taking vibe into account, not just aesthetics. Wow, this is fascinating. If people have not been able to follow, they need to look Kiki and Booba up.

Booba Kiki. I mean, we can post. Oh yeah, we should. And is Rodent Booba? For sure. What? Golden Retriever can also be a Booba. Yeah, to me, Booba rodent booba? For sure. What? Golden retriever can also be a booba. Yeah, to me, booba is like golden retriever, like bloppy energy.

You know what it is? It really helps me put into words something that I've never been able to put into words, which is my ideal kind of guy is a booba because it's like, I want him to have the kiki spikes, but I want to be able to like hold on to something. Like you know how I've described one person this way? I was like he's great and he's handsome and he's nice and funny but there's nothing for me to like hold on to. Like there's no ridges. That's what booba feels like to me. That there's like there's a sensitivity or there's again a little bit of fat. There's something that doesn't make them perfect in a way. To me, like, a booba is, like, a less conventional,

but more interesting kind of guy. Okay, wow. There's a lot to take from this. And I really wanted to talk about Erawan burritos, but we'll save that till next time. All right, let's do a couple of questions. This is such a good question. What direction do you face in the shower? This is from Riley.

My friends and I have had this debate for a long time, and after the do you pee in the pool question, I think your response and dialogue about this question would be so fun and interesting. Which direction do you stand in the shower while showering? Are you an ass to the water or tits towards the water person? My friends and I have found that most times,

men are the front-facers, whereas women are typically ass to the water. This is just in general. Of course, hopefully everyone is facing multiple ways in the shower to make sure you're clean, but overall, what way are you facing? Love the pod and I look forward to listening every week. Thanks, ladies.

This is a great question. I've never thought about this in my life. Me too. It's so good. Wow, okay. You know, right? It's immediate. I think it's immediate,

ass to water. Ass to water, yeah. Like she said, I do turn around, but for the majority and the like standard, when I first hop in, actually when I first hop in. I was gonna say. When I first hop in. Actually, when I first hop in. I was gonna say. When I first hop in, it's tits forward.

Because I want to get my face. Exactly. Okay. Do you wash your face first? This is so interesting, because to me, if I'm doing a lot of tits forward, I'm going through it. Like it's your everything shower.

No, I think emotionally I'm going through it. Oh. There's something wrong with like, or like I'm in a shower, I think emotionally I'm going through it. Oh! There's something wrong with like, or like, I'm in a shower but I'm a little bit like, ugh. Whereas if I'm ass first, like, we're doing this, it's efficient, we're getting it done. Whereas the moments where I'm tits first is when I'm like maybe reflective or like the water on my face feels good, but maybe I'm staying in for a little too long because I'm not just in and out. Sure! My face feels good, but maybe I'm staying in for a little too long because I'm not just in and out. Sure. It makes sense that men are nipples forward, or they have tits too, I guess.

Right? Sure. Some of them. They go forward because for us, the main point of the shower, or like a big part of the shower if you're doing an everything shower is your hair. Exactly. Your hair is taking time and like you're doing shampoo, you're doing conditioner, maybe you're doing a third thing. And so the hair is the the focus and so it wouldn't make sense to be forward

I agree. That's why so if I'm not washing my hair though, it's still as to water But I think maybe that's because it's muscle memory But I agree with you if I'm like trying to decompress or something. I will do tits forward for extra long. Before I turn around. You know what? This is fascinating. It's like women are just efficient. It's like we gotta like get in and get out.

We don't have time to just stand and indulge and ugh. It's like there's no time. We don't make time for ourselves. It's that there's so much to do. Maybe I'm shaving. Well, that's the other thing. Shaving, you have to do as to water because you can't have the water pouring on your legs as you're shaving.

That's right. What order do you go in? What's your shower order? Such a good question. If I'm washing my hair, that's what I'm starting with because I feel like some of my body's going to get cleaned through the process of just like all of this stuff coming out, getting out of my hair, and the shampoo kind of going down my body. I want that part sorted before I move on to my body

and then get everything figured out there, and then I'll shave last. But what about face? When does face enter the picture? This is controversial, but I was told by a random woman in Montreal, she was like, based on your face, you should not be washing your face in the morning. She was like, you should only wash your face once and it's at night. And I will say, I think for some people that is, because it strips your skin off, again, depending on your skin, but it strips a lot of stuff off of your skin that you need. And so I will wash my face in the shower, it's at night,

but otherwise I don't wash, I'll put water on it, but I'm not gonna like wash it. That's very interesting. Is this the same woman who told you to put Gorilla Glue on your eyebrows? That was a different woman. And I have not done it because you have scared me with it. So I feel like the only way I can do it is we do it together.

That's not how life works, Liz. If you want to do something, you can't wait for me to do it. Especially when I said I'm definitely never doing that. But if you want to try it, you have to try it. We should explain to people what this means. So I met a woman who is a sync listener. We love her. We love her.

And she had the best eyebrows I've ever seen in my life. And so I said, what do you do for your eyebrows? And she looked at me straight in the face and she said, gorilla glue. I was like, what? And she said, gorilla glue. Also, it's not her. It came secondhand. She went

to Sephora. This amazing gay guy at Sephora was working there and she asked him about brow gels and he was like, honestly, I do gorilla glue and like, I highly recommend. Like, yeah, you can spend $40 on a brow gel, but gorilla glue will do a better job and it will stay for a few days. And so she did it and her brows were amazing. So I naturally got Gorilla Glue and then I told you about it, which was the bad idea. And you were like, Liz, anything that touches your eyebrows are gonna like peel it off. And so now I'm just, I've been delaying it,

but I wanna do it, I'll do it. Do it if you feel the inclination. I'll let you guys know how it goes. Anyway, what's your order? Sorry, we- Oh yeah, okay. So I start tits to water. I wash my face first, and then I immediately turn ass to water,

get my hair wet. And as I'm getting my hair wet, I... It's weird how I don't really know, but I'm obviously doing the same thing every time. I think as I'm getting my hair wet, I am washing my body. And I use a bar soap. I don't use whatever it's called.

Liquid. Body wash? Body wash. Thank you. I don't use body wash. I use a bar soap. And it has an exfoliant, like it has like little pieces in it. So I use it directly on my body.

It's not like I like suds it in my hand. I'm using it to exfoliate. Then I wash my hair. And it's not the most efficient because ideally I would be washing my body as the conditioner is sitting. I know I should do that, but I don't think I do that. So then I put shampoo, then I condition, and then shave.

But I do think if I'm shaving, I will leave the conditioner in. Like, I'll shave while the conditioner is sitting. And then I'll rinse it. Like, for me, the washing of the hair is the very last thing. Like, I want to be done with the hair wash and get out. Which seems like it's the opposite for you, which is interesting. I hate washing my hair.

So I just want to get it over with. I think that's also the element. I don't like the feel of wet hair on me. Oh. So I want that to be the last thing so I can just get out and towel it. Got it. I had a question and I forgot. This is fascinating.

Rob, are you tits to water? Or butt? Chest first. The whole time? Yeah. I mean, unless I'm washing my hair, I need to turn around. Right. You have like thick hair.

I bet some men, even if they are washing their hair, might still be tits forward. I really want to meet a guy who's asked for it. Does it correlate with other things, like peeing sitting down, which also a lot of men do? It's interesting because all of our media tells us to do ass to water. If you watch any shampoo commercial ever,

it's ass to water, or like any like, even soap commercial it is. So it's weird. But when it's women, I don't think, I'm trying to think of a- I know, guys soap. You see more women I guess in the shower. Interesting.

Do you like showering? No, I mean I do it every day, but I don't like it. You mean like, do I get joy out of it? No, I love a bath. I do get joy out of that. Why, do you? No, I love a bath. I do get joy out of that. Why, do you? No, washing my hair is such a chore, and I wish it wasn't.

How often do you wash again, every day? No, no, no, no, no. Do you? No. Every couple of days, but I will procrastinate washing my hair. You'll push the limits. As long as I, yeah, possibly. Like right now, Me too.

I definitely should have washed my hair like two days ago, but it's just so annoying. But we have long hair. I wonder if that's part of it. Cause I feel like I didn't used to hate it as much, but maybe my hair is longer. Yeah, it's true. I had a appointment with a dermatologist, well, a woman.

I had an appointment with a woman when I was maybe gonna get Kybella and then she changed my skin regimen and it messed up my face so much. So I think she's the devil. And she told me also to wash my hair every day. What? Because like the oils from the hair get on your face.

And I was like, I'm not doing that. And also that's not good for my hair. No, you're not supposed to do that. You're stripping. There's necessary things that our bodies just produce. Agreed. Okay, well, that was a very interesting question. Okay, wait, I have one last shower question. Okay.

Do you shower in silence or do you put on a podcast or do you put on music? If I'm being efficient, I shower in silence. I shower in silence 75% of the time. Then 25% of the time, no, 23% of the time, I listen to podcasts. 2% of the time, I listen to music. It's really rare for me to listen to music in the shower.

But also, I just play it from my phone, and I can barely hear. I know. I do it every time. And then if I'm listening to a podcast, I have to re-listen. Yep. Same. I didn barely hear. I know. I do it every time. And then if I'm listening to a podcast, I have to re-listen. Yep, same. I didn't hear anything, but I just hear this annoying noise that I can't make out. We must find soothing,

because why else are we doing it? Yeah, but I feel the same way where I'm like, why do I keep doing this? I can't hear it. But if I'm going on a date, or like I'm getting ready to go out, I'll put on some fun music, because it's like my getting ready music.

Okay, I love that. Do you have a song? I usually have a song that I listen to 20 times a day for three weeks, and then I can't listen to ever again. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. OK, let's do one more. Help.

Do I tell my professor that her YouTube channel has playlists of strippers and pole dancing videos? This is from Dina Hi, Monica and Liz. I'm currently in my master's program at a private Christian University My teacher weekly uploads videos of herself talking about lectures and assignments and all the things for each week that we need to know This week I decided to check out her profile because I wanted to see if there were any extra videos on her profile so I could get a head start on future assignments. When I went on her profile I noticed that she has a bunch of public playlists of pole dancing videos, strippers and tease videos, and how to strip at home. She is a fairly conservative professor and I'm going to

have her throughout my whole graduate program. I don't know if telling her is going to make our bond stronger or if she's gonna hate me the rest of my master's program because she's embarrassed. Help. Wow. This is shocking. Oh my God. Also, I have to be honest, I love her a little bit,

but also ding, ding, ding, religion. Like, of course. Yeah, of course. Of course this like highly religious professor has stripping videos. Because repression. Should she tell her this is tricky? I mean, are we sure that this professor doesn't know that these videos are... I mean, that would be my first... My guess is this professor doesn't know that these videos are, I mean, that would be my first. My guess is this professor does not know,

especially if that's the way her students are getting to her. She probably doesn't know that some are private and some are public. But why would she post them if they're private? Is she trying to grow her following? Cause then maybe this is part of growing her following. I doubt it.

Like, is she trying to be like a Jordan Peterson, you know, that he was posting his lectures online. I can't attribute intention, but probably to create a following which he got from the lectures. She has a bunch of public playlists of pole dancing videos, strippers and tees videos. Public playlist, so it's not her in the,

okay, I think I understand. She just has a playlist and it's public. She probably thinks people can't see that. Yes. I think you need to tell her. Really? I would want to know. This is kind of a woman looking out for another woman situation, or that's how I view it. She could lose her job and she's not doing anything wrong. She just clearly likes pole dancing and she's probably like older so she doesn't realize her things. You know what I mean? Like without technology was like older women mentor younger

women. But I really think technology has kind of reversed that dynamic where in a lot of ways, younger women can be really helpful to older women when it comes to technology. And to me, this like falls into that category of I just want to let you know, I know that this is confusing by default, maybe the playlists are public, but I just noticed it. And I just want to let you know I know that this is confusing by default maybe the playlists are public but I just noticed it and I just want to let you know that it's I would do it in a very caring way and a very like short email like two sentences maybe not email though because that could get tracked I mean it's not like she's like has cocaine well I mean like from the school if it's a conservative Christian school, I agree that

she could potentially lose her job for this, which is insane. Don't even reference what they are. Just say like, hey, like, I noticed you have a lot of playlists and some of them are public and I don't know if that was on purpose. So just letting you know. Just so you know, you can make some private. I would just make it super casual. Don't even mention it, what it is.

And then she'll go, oh God, because she knows what her playlists are. God, this is so hard, because I agree with you. I think that's the right thing to do, but I also think, honestly, and I would just ignore it. Really? To me, it's like seeing a woman with blood on her pants. Well, we've talked about this.

It's feminism. God. I mean, whatever. You can do whatever you want. But to me, it would be like keeping in a sneeze. I'd be like, I have to tell her. But she is running a tiny bit of a risk. She is that the woman will get defensive

and then take it out on her. She has to be around this person for two more years. And every time she sees her, there's gonna be a little bit of discomfort. If that is a risk though then create a fake email and send her an email. Oh my god. Then you can just say it. Your pole dancing playlist is public, you might want to make it private. Then she doesn't have to feel ashamed. Again, I would just tell her because

I feel like that's the easiest thing, but if you're worried about retribution you can just send her an anonymous note. If this was 2001, I'd be like, write it down on a piece of paper and like leave it on her desk. Do you think, okay, well if she has other playlists that aren't this, it's easy to just say like, I was looking for some extra, I was wondering if you had any extra videos, and so I looked on your profile and I see that you had some public playlists. So just so you know, you can make those private if you want, not like you should. I think making it as cash as possible is good. I agree that what Liz is saying is the right thing to do.

And also I'm just gonna throw out there personally, I would just not say anything. But it is weird for a student to approach a teacher about this. To me, it's like coming back to the period pants, or again, any other woman thing. Would you tell your teacher about blood on her pants? Yes! You have to.

I would tell even if it was my arch enemy. I know, but arch enemy is easier than teacher. To me, it's even more like, oh my god, I don't want you to be humiliated. And again, especially since the idea would be like, she doesn't know. And so again, that there could be men who are seeing this and like clapping at her.

Or again, that it could have repercussions on her career and she could lose her job over this. I would just want a woman to a woman. If we were talking about a guy, that would feel a lot harder for me. That's uncomfortable, that's a little, yeah, what are the... But for me, the woman to woman thing overrides all other hierarchies that exist. SONIA DARA GARRETT I get that. I think you're right. I think that's the right thing to do. SONIA DARA GARRETT You're not going to go to hell if you don't do it.

SONIA DARA GARRETT Maybe take into account this professor's personality. If you do think they're going to just be so embarrassed and sort of take it out on you and like, it's just a little bit, it's you or her. But if not, if you think she would be grateful ultimately that you told her, then do. You have to assess that. If that professor is going to make her life miserable for the next two years, I don't know. Hopefully she wouldn't, but obviously this woman has got some contradictions. Stuff's going on.

She has mixed messages. I mean, aren't we all? If everyone could see our Google searches and our playlists or our Spotify raps, my God, I'm so glad those things aren't public. I actually was so jealous of people who are like, can just share them. Like, I'm like, oh, great, you're securely attached and normal. Like, I'm so mentally ill and weird. Maybe that's a good resolution for you.

End of year resolution is to post... Hold on, I was gonna say post your Spotify rap, but don't now start adjusting what you listen to just so your Spotify rap looks good. Be truthful about your listening habits, and then you know what's gonna happen, you'll post some people be like, I love that too.

Well, it's not that I'm a shh, it's just, it's not post-worthy. I'm not here like bragging about how much Adele I listen to, or like how much of one song. There's some really happy years, and then there's some tougher years. Oh, you're worried it's gonna like show what kind of state of mind you've been in for the year.

Yes. Okay, it's like too vulnerable. And also like I think Dak shared it early, and it's like super varied and like interesting. Yeah, you shared like really interesting artists and I'm like, I'm just so basic. That's silly Liz. To care about what it looks like is silly. Well, I don't judge myself when I'm listening to it. It's just the idea that I could post it. I think it's more that, though. I'm like, oh, I'm not here.

I think that should be a challenge. Well, I could be the Spotify rap that I want to see in the world. I could think about adding more variety to what I listen to. No, don't add. No, no, no. You're literally doing the opposite of what I'm saying. OK, got it.

Be you, do you, how you normally live, and then at the end of the year the challenge is To feel okay showing who you are for real and not who you think the presentation should be Okay, I will share my spot if I rap this year no matter what it's already too late to reverse course I mean, I guess I could but we're already deep into the year I wish they did a halfway me too. That'd be kind of fun. We should bring back half anniversaries or like I'm 37 and a half. We kind of did with our gift guide. It's true. Proud of us. Yeah. Well okay this was great. I hope you enjoy the rest of your trip. Thank you. I can't wait to see you again. And then yeah back in the attic next week. Thank

you so much for submitting and please continue to submit. These are all amazing questions, pretty usual. Really good questions today. And we'll see you next week. Bye. Bye.