Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Synced: Luthy

Episode Date: August 7, 2024

In this episode of Synced, Monica and Liz discuss feeling luthy and have a candid conversation about sexual fantasies. They answer listener questions on whether it's okay to date someone on the sex offender registry and what to do when you find out a partner has given you arousal chocolate without your consent, They play a condiments version of fuck marry kill and then give advice on how to confront someone who has been mispronouncing their name for almost a decade. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What'd you say? Before we recorded, you started to say something and we had to get this on air. Did you see the period ketchup meme on TikTok? No, what is it? It's this woman being like, she has like a giant bottle of Heinz ketchup in her hand and she's like, period, day one. And it goes day two. And then day three, nothing.

They're like a little bit like... Then day four, nothing and and then... Oh, God. And then day five, like... Like sprinkles, and then you think it's gone and it's still there. It's gross because it's true. It was so... I was high art, and then the top comment was a guy saying, this feels like it should be private business. And I was like, this should be taught in schools.

It's like, tell me you don't get laid without telling me you don't get laid. Yeah, exactly. Are men still crossed out with periods in 2024? I feel like they're not. I think it's like hot if you're not. Discussed by periods. I agree. Although, okay.

I did hint to this on a previous episode, but I guess I'll come out with it here. I'm definitely going to get shamed for this. Okay, perfect. Let's do it. Okay, in the book All Four's. Yes. Which you probably have not finished yet. You haven't finished yet.

Oh my god, but I'm getting there. That's okay. I mean, obviously it's okay. I'm not the arbiter of. The book police. Yeah, yeah. But there's a part that there's a man and a woman and they're engaged in foreplay and she sits on his lap and he takes her tampa out.

Oh, I've got to that part. Okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I... How do you feel about that? Well, okay, I feel like we had an offline convo and I know... Or wait, sometimes I literally don't know if we decided on it or not. Me either. I feel like you like, sometimes I literally don't know if we decided on it or not. Me either.

I feel like you like it. I do like it. I do like it. And I thought, I was like, yeah, I think most people like it and are not saying it, but I'm saying it. And then I did go to dinner with this husband and wife and she'd read it and I was like, yeah, I thought that was hot. She was like, oh.

And then we told the husband and he was like, oh God. And she's like, oh no. Do you think most guys will think that's hot or not? He said 50-50. And what do you think about it? Yeah. Interestingly, I read that passage while I was like horned up on a plane, okay? And the reasons were that... Elevation, for one. First of all, elevation will do that.

It just elevates everything. It really does. There's science. No, there is actual science. It definitely heightens emotions. That really does. There's science. No, there is actual science. It definitely heightens emotions. That's why people cry on planes. Yes. There's something chemical.

If you're sad, you're going to be real sad. And if you're happy, you're going to be real happy. And in this case, if you're horny, you're going to be real horny. Wow. On a plane. On a plane. So, I'm trying to take things slow is my new thing as a person who has never done that in her entire life.

Yeah, contrary action. Contrary action, exactly. But it's been challenging because I, at the time, was talking to someone who it was kind of a long distance connection and talking stage. Somehow it escalated and verbally. Yes, I'm too afraid of, I don't know, someone doxing me. Was it on DM? It was over text.

Or signal. I haven't told you anything. Oh my god. No, I literally haven't told anybody. Is it exciting? Yeah. Oh my god, this is so exciting. So this just happened?

I mean, it's happening. It's like we're in the midst, but it's strange and long distance and I haven't figured out and processed it. So I haven't brought it up. Wow. But anyway, all this to say that this had escalated. I'm on a plane. I'm in a window seat, which makes it worse. I'm very claustrophobic on planes, so I need the aisle, but there was no more aisle. And then I just was reading this passage. That's part of why I stopped reading it. It made me, you know, also horny. But I was like, oh, this is weird, but this is how horny I must be that this is still making me like excited.

But now that you're bringing it up and that I have time to reflect on it, and I'm thinking about it with this person that I can't have because they're long distance. In the book, again, without giving it away, there's a longing for this person. And so I do think that would be extremely hot. Given that you can't. They're not having sex. Yeah. This couple.

Which is, by the way, the hottest thing you can do. That's what I'm saying. And then it like it's making everything else so heightened elevation. Airplane. And as a reader, you're kind of for me anyway me anyway, I'm like this, or Lee, in your protagonist's body. And so yes, like wanting so bad to be intimate, there is nothing more intimate than someone taking out your tampon.

And there's another thing that happens also in that same scene involving urine. Yeah, that I'm not... Okay, yeah, I want to hear about your thoughts on urine. Do you... No, okay, so the thing is, it's like... I love it. This would be the most unexpected... I know, it's unexpected.

...flaw twist in Monica Padman history. But I'm here for it. I know. Well, oh, God. I mean, I think... Ooh! Yeah. Well, a couple of fact checks ago, I was asking Dax why he's so obsessed with penises.

Because he is very obsessed with them. We basically ended up getting to, he was like, I think I'm just a perv. And I was like, I think I am too. In my core, I am. Tell me more about that. I mean, even my weird like, my fantasies, like, my fantasies are weird. They're perverted.

Like, they're not your standard, like, the sickness. You know, there's, it's not standard. I guess I'll say it's not standard. And it's all about extreme intimacy. There is something to me, I can't believe I'm saying this on air, there is something high about P. Yeah. Wow, because it feels like you're so close. Wow. I don't think that that's weird. You can be honest. I'm always honest with you.

Well, here's the thing. I am not in the business of telling anyone. I mean, everyone likes weird stuff. Do they though? That's what I'm starting to wonder. I think they do. They just don't admit it. Something has happened in my 30s. I don't know how women do it. Like, you just become a horn dog. The things I think about, the amount of times I think, it's like I didn't use to relate to men in my 20s, partly because I was like, you think about, the amount of times I think, it's like I didn't use to relate to men in my 20s, partly because I was like, you think about sex every seven seconds or whatever, which has not been totally proven,

but also like seems right. Seems right based on some facts. Based on the streets. Based on the streets. But now I like, I have a lot of compassion for men's horniness. I was just in a situation that was intimate, that in my 20s, I would have been like, you have no right to expect a certain thing, and you have to just

accept my pace, and you can't have any feelings about it because that's just the way it is, and you have to fully respect it. I obviously believe that peace and boundaries should be respected. That's not what I'm saying. But I think in this case, I had empathy for the physical difficulty of not being able to, like... Calm. Well... Yeah. Hahaha.

Wait, because they were going so slow? I basically was like, I can't, you know, because I'm taking things slow. Because I have to, because I'm not. Wait, hold on. I can't, you know, because I'm taking things slow because I have to because I'm not. Wait, hold on. I'm confused because you're taking things slow, but they were also taking things slow? Well, no, they were like, had a physical frustration as a result. Yeah.

And I think in the past, I would just would have been like, well, that's just the way it is. And blue balls are made up. And even this guy was like, blue balls are made up. I'm not like blaming you, but I had compassion. I understand that this is difficult and I have empathy for you. And I think 10 years ago when I had a normal sex drive,

I should have been like, get over it, dude. I thought you were saying that you were in a position where you were trying to amp up the pace and they weren't. And then you were like, okay, I guess I get it now. I mean, that's gonna happen though. That's why so many older women are dating younger men. I mean, it's not why, but I have heard from multiple sources that our sex drives are more aligned.

As men get older, their sex drive diminishes. And for women, it's the opposite until it's her nature. Until menopause. Or perimenopause. No, let's not talk about it. I mean, we have it. We don't have it. I don't think we have it.

I don't want to manifest it. The more you say it, Liz, the more it's going to come true. You're right. Also, there's no shame in peri... I'm worried that we're shaming perimenopause. No, no, you're right. Well, we're not. We're not.

We just... I think..., not I think, duh. We don't have kids and we are still potentially wanting them. And so the idea that like Menopause is on its way before we even have the time to decide whether we want kids is what's scary. You've like put it perfectly. I mean, obviously I'm sure it comes with all kinds of feelings.

Sure. But the scary music in my head is that. I've like put it perfectly. I mean, obviously I'm sure it comes with all kinds of feelings. Sure. But the scary music in my head is that. I'm like, wait a minute. Yes. Wait a damn minute. What if this ends before I've even made any of my decisions? Literally. Yeah, that's the scary part.

But we don't. It's not been proven. We can reverse it, I think, with our minds. Also. If anyone knows any herbs. I think there's herbs in videos. For sure. Enchant.

There's definitely videos to reverse anything. I mean, look, to be clear. Do you have a ribbon in? I have two. Oh my god, cute. I didn't notice. Maybe I would be seeing Coquette. Oh, it's so cute.

Got them on TikTok shop. Do you want one? Do you want a ribbon? No, you need to have your cute two ribbons. I like your hair in a pony. Thanks. I don't always wear a pony, but... It looks so good on you.

Do you feel uglier when you're in your luteal... Is it luteal? Luteal? Luteal? Yeah. I think it's... Luteal? Hold on.

I think it's L-U-D. Is it L-U-D or L-U-T? It's a T. Okay, then luteal phase. Luteal. Luteal. Do you feel luthy? I feel luthy. Like, I feel floopy.

But I don't, do I feel uglier? I feel like I look like a different person. Like full on. Wait a minute, hold on. You just ended your period, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not in our luth. We're not luthy.

Yeah, luthy is before period after ovulation. And yes, I do look uglier then because that period of time leading up to the period after ovulation, so hormones are all, I normally like breaking out in some way and I'm bloating. So yeah, ugly. For me, everyone else looks beautiful. Everyone is beautiful. And you are too. It's just self-perception, obviously. Do you think people can tell where we're at on our cycle just by listening?

-♪ LAUGHS SOFTLY? -♪ Oh, my God. That's a great question. Unfortunately, we're so... We keep talking about where we are, so we're not giving people the chance to guess. I mean, I bet if you listen to last week's episode, you could probably tell that I was like on day one of my period. Oh wow.

Or about to start maybe. Wait, no, when did we record? We recorded on Thursday. It was coming. Yeah. You said it. Okay, I was Luthy last period. And I really bet you could tell, because I was very down. Remember?

Yeah. Well, there was also, yes, I know what you mean, and that's what I sound like, too. Are there like uterus psychics? You know how you can talk to your pet through a psychic? I would love to have a convo with my uterus, like what is going on? I guess just to like get a pulse.

That's a hole in the market. I think someone could totally fill that. Someone I'm sure does do it. There's an influencer for everything. So, in your keeping it slow phase, but also you're horny. Yes. It's a catch-22. It's a battle.

Every day. Did you engage in sexual intercourse? In my life? Have you still been abstaining? Yes. Totally. Okay, I'm going to say something crazy. Yeah.

I want to make sure it's true. I think, wait, oh my God. What? I don't think I've had sex since we started the show. Well, I was seeing someone when we started it, and then it crashed and burned pretty early on, and sank. Oh, right. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Ah! Ah! He had sex three months ago. Okay, never mind. He was not forgettable, too. I don't know why.

Well, kinda. I mean, we weren't seeing each other. Wow. I figured it out. Yeah. Monica was there. I watched. You watched. That's one of weren't seeing each other. Wow. I figured it out. Monica was there. I watched. You watched. That's one of the intimate things that I am into. Actually, no.

Even though I'm a little into urine. Tell me, can we go, can we deep dive on that? I'm fun-filling. So if you want to talk about it. Yeah, I don't know. Let's see. Like, what are we talking here? Receiving, giving, being involved in a way. What's the best? Best scenario? Yes, what's the best

year-end scenario for you? Hmm. I think it being involved in some way, but not giving, peeing on someone. So more on the receiving end. ———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————— People feel bad for the things constantly, like, I think it's so great that you're sharing this. First of all, there are many people who like this. Okay, you know what's crazy? On OnlyFans, it's one of the only things they can't do. Really? What? They can, like, stomp on each other's genital parts and they can't defecate or... Or urinate.

Urinate. Wait. Isn't that crazy? It's illegal? Yeah. By law or by like only, like? That's a good question. I don't know.

Is it considered? We did an episode of Flightless Bird on it and I was shocked. Yeah, that is interesting because it's considered lewd. No, I think it's actually biohazard. Oh. That makes more sense as to why.

But still, it freaked me out a little bit. Because you felt like, oh, I like something that's very bad. That's so bad that they can't even do it on OnlyFans and they can like do crazy shit. Wow. Well, I guess what's crazy shit? It's all... Stomping on genitals. Yeah, like pain, pain pleasure. Well, a lot of people like that too.

I know, and that's what I mean. I guess I can't judge. None of us can, and I just think it's great. It's so fun when you discover a thing you like. And again, I don't know if you've known your whole life, but... No, I definitely haven't. I think it's fun. Although it is similar to the original fantasy,

there is this like taboo element to all of these things, which has been happening my whole life, which is odd. I don't think that's odd, dear. We all, like even like Sex with Emily, she talks about even like rape fantasies, how a lot of women who are survivors have them. Again, it's so forbidden and it's a way to reclaim agency. And if you look at what people are Googling,

the top things are being Googled are things that are not allowed by law. So there's something about it. Of course we are drawn, I think as humans, not every single person, but in general, to darkness a little bit because we don't know what's on the other side and there is a curiosity about

Why it's bad. That's why teenagers Experiment with drugs and drink they want to know like why is it bad? I also relate to like that extreme closeness it can lead to some some weird places What's your weirdest thing? Cuz I just said a lot of weird stuff. I know I'm trying to Cuz you're not into that right? It's okay. No, it's just... I could, like again... No, don't force it!

Yeah, don't force it! It's not an immediate thing that I'm like thinking about. I think I do like things that I wouldn't expect that I like a lot. I feel like I've already shared this. Let's hear it. I have like a deep fear of being cheated on. Oh yeah, you talked about that. But then I have this like fantasy of being

the person who cheated. Cheated on. No, being the person that he's cheating on with. Oh. It's bad. That's interesting. It's like, we're gonna get caught. Like that kind of stuff. Yes, and I also feel like that, again, to me, feels more like because

it's such a fear it's a taking control. I think probably a lot of this is about taking control and feeling safe. For me I think the like intense need for that kind of intimacy feels like well well, if that's happening, I'm safe. Like that person's never leaving me. To be that close with someone means security. So it's like all tied deeply into our insecurities. It's crazy.

This is weird, but I would love us to go see a sexologist and just get her to analyze all these things for us. Do they do that? Someone must. Okay, you just made up a lot of like an ovary, uterus psychic, a sexual fantasy decoder. Well, I think I just did it. You did. Actually, you're right. You're my sexual fantasy decoder. You just have to tell me about your fantasies and I feel like I can justify them.

Yeah. I mean, I do think that even ones that I find appalling, there are some that I'm shaken by, but it is about a person gaining control over something they feel they have a lack of control of. So really the thing to do is to figure out how to have control over your life in healthy ways. Not that, okay, I don't think some of these things are unhealthy.

I wonder about stomping on genitals and stuff in case that causes severe damage. People like that. They like it. They like to be stomped. Why? I know why. You do? Sub and dom dynamics.

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There's both. I feel like it's a verse. A verse? I'm verse. Oh verse. Okay, you could go both ways. Yeah. I think that's a lot of people,

depending on the dynamic or depending on the person. And the person. I think definitely depending on the person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I would not want to be sub to someone who I actually felt subordinate to, or that they had some power, like they were like scary or something.

Oh, 100%. I'm literally speaking for myself, but I feel like scary or something. Oh, 100%. I'm literally speaking for myself, but I feel like this is not just me, where the ideal guy is a guy that respects you in the streets, but can be like dirty in the sheets. Right. But you need the respect in the streets. In order to feel safe.

In order to feel safe enough to go to the full extent in the streets. Yeah, I think that's right. And I feel like that's where some things get lost. A lot of men could have much more fulfilled sex lives and much more interesting sex lives if they like fully service their partner emotionally and treated them in a certain way, like not in bed. That's what I feel like has happened in my 30s, partly, is that I just feel so much more, I guess empowered with myself and like confident that there are just things that I'm willing to do and try and explore that I think in my 20s I was like, oh, but that's

not that it wasn't feminist, but I think there was a subconscious thing of like, oh, that's degrading. Like the rules around it. That's such a big loss of patriarchy, honestly, for men and women. It just 100% restricts men also in so many ways, but yeah, that it restricts women's ability to fully indulge. Exactly, and engage in what they want. Yes.

Are you sub or dom? I think I'm more sub, because I just want to surrender. Like in my everyday life, I'm just always charging. I'm not alpha necessarily, but I'm type A. Exactly, and you have control over your life and agency. And I'm in charge, but I'd like to not have to be that way. Wait, okay, so you said you know why people like being stomped. What psychologically is it because they feel bad?

Maybe, but I think it's like, why do people like being spanked? To me, it's like on the spectrum. There's so many reasons for all of these things. But I do think one of them, especially for these pain ones, well, maybe it's they have control over the pain, whereas they have not had control over pain in life. So that's probably a big part of it. Or if I think someone's living with a lot of shame, that's a way

of being punished for it. Or just the forbiddenness of it. Yeah. I'm doing something really bad and this is bad. You can get a lot of pleasure out of that. Whatever floats your boat. I just think if everyone had great sex, like, yeah, we'd all just be like... People would be happier. People would just be chiller, happier, spending less time in the comments. And reading sad news. Okay, who's the most well-adjusted person you know? That's such a good cue. My sister. Or Kat. But probably my sister.

Okay. Both of them are... It makes no sense. Within our family, we're all nuts. I want to know if she has weird fantasies. Knock that lady. If that's... Because I want to know that because since I think a lot of this has to do with insecurity and has to do with filling in gaps that we haven't really figured out psychologically

for ourselves, that I wonder if someone who is very psychologically sound and well-adjusted is probably very... Boring. Well, I don't want to say boring, but is it riddled with odd fantasies? I mean, it's the whole 30 Rock episode with Jennifer Aniston where he's like,

crazy women are great in bed. I think it's true. Like, mentally ill people are just way better to be around. They're more fun, they're more interesting, they're probably better in bed. Ew, God! For sure dude. No. I'm sorry if I'm enabling. Be honest.

No, cause I- When someone has no trauma, like nothing happened to them. I know, I agree. I agree. But also like I think that's a bit unsafe. If someone is unwell and I'm having sex with them, I'm gonna be like, I don't know. But that's a bit unsafe. If someone is unwell and I'm having sex with them, I'm gonna be like, I don't know. But that's my more well-adjusted self. That's me having grown in some ways away from chaos. This is also what keeps people in unhealthy relationships.

Let's just say the truth. In toxic relationships, very often the sex is very good. Yes. And that can like really keep you hooked. But that's also because the sex is very good. And that can like really keep you hooked. But that's also because the sex is so good because the lows are so bad. Yes, 100%. The fluctuation from one to 10,

that's causing the pattern, which is very bad. Very bad. And that's learned to step away from that pattern and see it. It's unhealthy. And I've had to like, because yeah, the person I was seeing when we started the show, it was so that. And after that, I was like,

I can't measure anything up to that because that was like a literal drug. That's not how it should feel. But I know a lot of women who spent sort of their 20s dating in these sort of toxic relationships and then you enter your first healthy one and suddenly you're like, I'm not... It feels boring. It feels boring. And there's a sex component that we don't talk about that can be really

challenging because you've been used to like, that's what turns you on and that's what sex is supposed to feel like. And it's like, no, but at the same time, let's admit it, it feels on a dopamine hormonal, that feels good, but that's not healthy. That's not sustainable. Sustainable, exactly. And it's like healthy sexual connection also will feel eventually even better, but in a different... It feels different, right? But yeah, it'll fuck you up.

It's like any drug, like to be on drugs and then try and live normal, you know, without it is an adjustment, but eventually you'll be like, oh no, this is so much better. Exactly. I feel like we left some pins. We have a lot. Yeah, this took a turn from period catch up to... Let's do some questions. Okay.

Your face. I should really record you reading these. This one is intense, kind of. Can I date him if he's on the sex offender registry? For one bad choice, he made it age 20 with the 15-year-old. This is from Dear. Hi, Monica and Liz. I'm literally obsessed with this show.

I feel so seen when I listen. Never stop. Anyways, I went out a few times with this guy and he's literally perfect for me. Tall, sweet, vulnerable, affectionate, all the things, and as soon as I started to like him for real, for real, my best friends find out he's on the sex offender registry. I confronted him about it, and when he was 20, he fingered a 15-year-old he met through Facebook.

He knew her age and did it anyway. Then when he stopped talking to her two weeks later, she reported it. He went to jail for three months, did six months of group therapy, then four years of individual therapy, and genuinely appears to have grown so much from one reckless thing he did and knows was unacceptable. He's 31 now and is on a positive trajectory in life.

He answered my many questions and was so patient and validating as I freaked out. I've never felt unsafe with him and I really believe him that he's not the same person and is utterly remorseful. My friends say this is too big of a red flag and to move on. I feel incredibly sad about everything. I really like him and haven't met anyone like him before. What would you do? Help. Wow. This is a pickle. I have a thought.

Share, please. I think it's okay. Uh huh. I'm not, it's not okay what you did, but it's okay to forgive people slash let people rejoin society. I am not for one mistake should end your life personally. And it does sound like everything he did when you confronted him, there will be a lot of ways in which I would say eh about this. Like if he got defensive or mad at you,

it sounds that he handled it kind of perfectly. And I think we all do things ding ding ding to everything we've just been talking about. For so many reasons, we all make mistakes. And I think to have, like, a scarlet letter for the rest of your life, not even just a scarlet letter, because, you know, he will. He'll have that on his record forever, and that's fine.

But I think you should be able to be loved. That's my take on it. It's a really beautiful take. I agree, I think. What would worry me a little bit is that he didn't tell her. She found out. And I guess there's a question there of like, why are your friends researching that? And are there other things that they're worried? that he didn't tell her, she found out. And I guess there's a question there of like,

why are your friends researching that and are there other things that they're worried, like what was their reason that they were worried about? Well, I hope it's not like based off some superficial judgments. It could be. Sure, yeah, we don't know. So your take would be my exact take

if he had said to her, this is on my record, let me know if you have any questions, I'm an open book, but the fact that like, he wasn't open about it, which obviously, I understand it must be very difficult to share and to date when that's your situation. So I'm not minimizing it, but the thing that would worry me almost more than the actual sex offender category

is the fact that he didn't share that with me or he withheld that. And so my mind would go to like, what else could he be hiding? And so I would want an explanation. And again, that explanation might be very compelling and that he was going to tell you or like, yeah, he, I'm sure you have to find the right time to tell someone that and also probably tell them once you feel like this person is gonna be in your life for a long time.

I don't think that's something you'd say until you know that. I don't think I would. Oh, 100%. I mean, there's a lot of things I feel like in life and I mean nothing this extreme, but that would take me so long to tell someone even just on a baby scale of things that I've done. I think it's that easy. Yeah. They've been dating long enough that her friends know his name and like were able to... So, what would I do?

It's this thing with getting to know someone, which is when you encounter something that is unpleasant or uncomfortable, you note it, you make a little pin, and then you keep getting to know them, and notice if that's a blip or a pattern. Is it a blip? Like, this happened, he learned from it, it's over, and he's a better man now, and all that stuff? Or are there other things that then, like, confirm

that this is someone who's a predator or someone who's dishonest? And so that's what I would like encourage you to do. Yeah, basically like not be like... Don't forget it, but also I do think showing compassion for people is a beautiful thing. And normally, if you're doing it with your wits about you, then you normally get a good ROI, a good return on investment. So yeah, you're right.

I think it's proceed with not caution, but just note it and see if anything else is flagging. But I think it's okay to keep dating him. It actually doesn't have to be a fuck yes or a fuck no at this point. It could just be like, I'm gonna keep getting to know this person. Yes, I agree.

Okay. We got some big ones today. Yeah, these are really good. Am I right to be upset that my boyfriend has been giving me arousal chocolates unknowingly? This is from Kate. Hi ladies, I've been stewing on this the last few days and was listening to the podcast and decided to call upon the experts.

We are not experts, I just want to make that very clear. Very clear. My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years. We lived together and have what I would consider to be a healthy sex life. On average, probably two to three times a week. He is chocolate obsessed, and for the last few weeks,

he has been bringing me this spicy chocolate after dinner on occasion. I didn't think anything of it until I was cooking dinner the other night and found said chocolate in the fridge. They were arousal chocolates with a variety of mushrooms and other things in them. I confronted him about them and he got really defensive and didn't see the problem.

I can't help but feel like he was, quote, drugging me for sex without my knowledge or consent. Obviously, the act itself was consensual and I honestly didn't even notice a difference, but I'm still annoyed he didn't just tell me what they were or have a conversation with me if there's an area he isn't feeling satisfied. Am I being irrational? I realize it was fairly harmless, but I couldn't help but feel like there was a comparison to being given a date rape drug. Again, I know it's not the same and we're in a loving relationship, but I can't shake the annoyance. TIA It's girl.

TIA You are right to feel like this. I do not like this. TIA At all. No part of it. And the fact that he's defensive is a dead giveaway. It is. I hate that. Our bodies are big indicators of what we think and the fact that it's bothering you and you can't shake it means something.

Yeah, I mean, really it's unexciting. It's fucking weird. Okay. I don't know what to tell her to do, though, how to proceed, because she did confront him, which is exactly right, and then he got defensive. I guess I would say maybe have another conversation and say, I can't shake this feeling.

This feels really, really bad to me. It's feeling worse as time is moving on, not better. I hope he says sorry. I mean, what? Why would you do this? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was in a relationship where there was, yeah, a lot of control. This was like a fairly textbook, abusive relationship I was in like 10 years ago. One of the vectors of control, I'm not saying this is an abusive relationship, but in my case, there were like little things that he would do like financial control. There was controlling how much makeup I would wear.

I would sort of clock them, but I was young and I didn't know. But one of the things that he did was it would occur in bed in these small ways. It's like really reminding me of that situation where it's towing the line. He didn't give you a date rate drug, but he did give you something without your consent.

Without you knowing what it was. Without you knowing that has a function to serve his needs and to control your state. And I remember once it was like, he just kept insisting on going down on me. And again, I don't remember the reason or what was going on, but I was like, no, like either we didn't have time or I didn't want to. He just kept at first

I was like laughing it off and being like, huh. And then after some point I said, dude, and I remember what I said, but something to the effect of what she's saying, which is like, this feels like you're, are you gonna rape me? Like, like he got so defensive. He got so mad that I was somehow portraying him. And to me, that's a dead giveaway of, no, dude, I just told you. First of all, like, you did this thing, and I'm telling you it's bothering me, and you're not interested and curious about how I feel.

You're just going to gaslight me basically so that you don't feel like you're a bad guy. I really hate that. I'm not saying this is a toxic relationship necessarily, but I do think this is unacceptable behavior. And I would be extremely serious when I do think this is unacceptable behavior and I would be extremely serious when I'm having this conversation. Yes, exactly.

You have another conversation and really express how this feels to you. What does she say that like this can't happen again? I would say like, I feel so safe with you always and this way and that way and this feels very unsafe and how can we work on that? Because I don't want to feel unsafe around you and hopefully he doesn't want you to feel unsafe around him. I would also stress not only is there an issue with what you did but I have a real issue with your reaction to it and that worries me. I wouldn't do a lot of talking. I would just let him. And also maybe this is a good time to question whether there is control stuff happening across the board.

Exactly. And maybe there's not, but it's probably a good time to reflect on whether or not there is. Yeah, just in little things. Because again, it starts off little. If it's done well, it has you questioning, you wrote it, and you're upset, but you're questioning if you should be upset.

You know, you have every right. We are here to tell you, first and foremost, you are fully right to be upset. This is upsetting. 100%. Oh, I'm sorry. Keep listening to yourself. Support for Synced comes from Skims. Skims. I get smiley when we talk from Skims. Skims.

I get smiley when we talk about Skims. You do. I get fluttery. I love it. Okay, so I have a Skim story. I was wearing the soft lounge tank and boxer, which I got the idea from you to pair with like a white… Button down.

Button down. Cute. And I went like to the grocery store. Like it was like, you know when like you put your hair even inside the hat? Like my hair was such a mess. Like I was just like literally like I need to go get my food. And I was like eating, I was like mid bite in this big donut coming out of the grocery store and this like bus driver like stopped me and he was like, you look absolutely amazing.

And like gave me this like such a sweet compliment. And I was like, this set slaps. It really does. Yeah. And again, it's like who would have thought that that would look good? Like that wearing sort of lounge can look that elevated and that's Skims. So cute. I know. I just bought another one of the lounge sets. The Lounge Tank and Boxer. I bought it in pink. Oh my god.

Now I have to get it. You have to get it. Shop the Skims Soft Lounge collection at skims.com now available in sizes XXS to 4X. If you haven't yet be sure to let them know we sent you. After you place your order select synced in the survey and select our show in the drop-down menu that follows. Okay, let's do this one. This is lighter. Fuck, marry, kill, salsa, guac, queso. This is from Emmy. This is quite a debate between my cousins and I. We need more opinions. Would you pick for fuck, marry, and kill when choosing between salsa, guac, and queso? Also when

choosing the fuck option, is that just a one-time thing or is that your hall pass? And do you get to fuck who you marry? Yeah, these are important questions. Wow, wow, these are, this is huge. Well, I don't like cheese, so I'm really problematic. No, that's your answer, so you would kill queso then. I would kill queso, hands down. That would make my life so much easier

because it always ends up in places I don't want it to be. It's so obvious to me. I'm marrying guacamole. That's a partner. That's a long-term fit. That's a healthy, nutritious, but like delicious, good with everything. I eat it every day.

Healthy fats. It's refreshing. And so you're fucking salsa? Yeah. Oh, salsa's like a little spicy. Yeah, spicy, fun, but like, I'm not doing salsa every... I mean, that's just heartburn. And when you play this game,

I think you can only fuck your married partner once a month. What do you mean? In general? In this game. Like, because it can't be that you can fuck and... That's the whole problem. Like, you can't be fucking your husband or partner every day, because that takes away from the fuck choice. Oh, I understand what you mean.

You're only getting to fuck Guac, like, once a month. No, I'd want to fuck Guac, like, every... Like, that's why it would be the perfect partner. Like, Guac would be the ideal choice for me on a long-term basis because I want to marry it and fuck it. I want to say you can't fuck yours. I don't want to marry salsa. Like, what the fuck?

That'd be so... No! I think, okay, I'm fucking queso for sure. I love queso. I'm marrying guac and I'm killing salsa. Unfortunately, because you hate Queso, you're gonna have to marry. This is so upsetting. Or you could fuck, well, you could fuck salsa.

You don't want to fuck salsa? I mean, sure, but like... Oh, then no, you don't. I don't. But I also don't want to be married to salsa like every day. Like, hey. I love salsa. I feel bad about killing it.

10 years ago, 100% would have married salsa. I just feel like guacamole has changed the game. The dip game also depends which guacamole. If we're talking about Arawan guacamole. Is that the best of the best or the worst of the best? Oh, it is? I've never had it. It ruins me because it's $20 million

for like a tiny little jar. So outrageous. But like good guacamole. This is tough. I mean, I could, I guess, kill salsa. No, queso makes me want to throw up. Yeah, you have to kill queso because you hate it. It just would be like a sad turn of events,

but I guess I could marry Zelsa. Okay. You'll be in a loveless marriage. Yeah, I'll be in a loveless marriage. Oh my God. Okay. Let's see if we have time for one more. This is so good.

How do I tell my hairdresser they're saying my name wrong this entire time? It's been eight years. Okay, this is from Sharif. Hi, Monica and Liz. Are you saying it right? She wrote it down. Sharif taught how to say it. Hi, Monica and Liz. My name is Sharif and I need help telling my hairdresser that he's been saying my name

wrong for the eight years he's been doing my hair. I've never really had a steady hairdresser during my life. So the first time my current one pronounced my name wrong, I decided to go along with it because I assumed I wouldn't be going back more than one or two times. I'm also so used to people mispronouncing my name, so it didn't really bother me. But now, eight years later, he still calls me Sheriff. But oh, no, Sheriff.

What? Why is he saying it that way? It's spelled in a way that I can see why. You can see why. I'm now worried he'll find out how to actually say my name and think I'm a weirdo for not correcting him. For more context, I recently referred a good friend, shout out Rachel, and hope she'd be able to drop the news about how to say my name.

Oh, great. Yes. Unfortunately, she reported back that she folded in the moment and just my name. Oh, great. Yes. Unfortunately, she reported back that she folded in the moment and just went along. Oh, Rachel. And I had the chance to say my actual name, but I doubled down on... Wait.

Wait, hold on. Unfortunately, she reported back that she folded in the moment and just went along with Sheriff. I also had a moment of cowardice just a week ago when he introduced me to someone as Sheriff and I had the chance to say my actual name. But I just... I doubled down on the mispronunciation.

Do I correct him? Is it too late and I just ride with Sheriff forever? I love the show and would greatly appreciate some advice from the Singh Squad since you're like, share it, Sharif. Oh my god, this is so funny. Because, okay, here's your hairdresser, but clearly also your friend. Like you're meeting up with him outside of... This is not like a once every six months interaction. This is so funny. Okay, this is...

You have to put this on your friend. The next time your friend gets their haircut or you send a new person there, they have to say, oh, when's the last time you saw Sharif? Exactly. It's just as simple as that. You give them that line reading, oh my gosh, or oh my gosh, Sharif loves you,

I'm so excited. Yes, yes. And then stare into their eyes. Yes, with eyes wide open. I mean stare into their eyes. Yes. With eyes wide open. I mean, this is hilarious. Eight ears! Okay, I would do that, or I would lean into Sheriff as like Sheriff. My friend Tristan, like we call him Sheriff,

because once he wore a cowboy hat and like a beater glasses when we were literally in eighth grade, and we still call him that. That's a nickname. I know, but maybe you're like, oh, I'm a sheriff. No, I don't want her to adjust her whole identity based on this hairdresser. I know.

Although I do feel deeply secondhand, embarrassed, codependent about that hairdresser who's been saying it wrong for eight years. When he finds out... Mortified. Mortify. Like, what if I found out, this isn't even accurate, because we've only been friends a couple years.

What about in six years, if I found out your name was Liza? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And everyone knew. Everyone knew except you. And no one said anything. I honestly probably would be mad at everyone. Yeah, I would pass away. I think your tip is 1000%.

And it's happened to me with a person I'd known for literally a couple of weeks, but I was mortified. I was at Gloria Steinem's house, name drop. And she invited me and her name is spelled Anne, A-N-N-E, over email and we'd been going back and forth over email. We did meet in person, but like it was at an event, it's Anne over email, so I'm just like assumed it's Anne. And I'm referring to her to other people and I'm saying, oh yeah, Anne, like, and then we're in a group and someone says, oh yeah, Annie, I know Annie.

And I was like, what? It's Annie? And I felt like such a fucking fool. And I was like, oh my gosh, she invited me to this thing. I'm saying her name right. And then I went back in the emails and it's spelled Ann. But she says Annie and then at dinner later she says something. I'm like, you know, because it's spelled Ann, people think it's... And I was like, thank God, like I'm not... But that was knowing her for two seconds.

So for eight years, this guy is gonna have a panic attack. Or he's gonna get angry. Like something is gonna go down. But pass this off to a friend, a good friend who can take this on for you. They'll say Sharif, they can say it like that. They just say it so easily.

Like, oh, I'm so excited to meet you. Sharif loves you. And then maybe they'll be like, who? You know, you guys can role play and practice all the outcomes, but Sharif, who recommended me? Yes. Sheriff?

Oh, it's actually Sharif. What? I've been calling her Sheriff this whole time. It happens. Some people do call her that, but it's actually Sharif. That's it. Line reading.

And then get out. Change the topic. For their sake, too. Don't dwell on it but it's actually Sharif. That's it. Line reading. And then get out. Change the topic. For their sake too. Don't dwell on it. In the role play, practice the other topics. Yes. Just get it all out there.

Pivot. Right pivot out. It's time for this person to know for not only your sake, for his sake. Yeah. This is like a Curb episode. Like in itself. It is. It really is.

Larry would call her a sheriff. You're so amazing for eight years to have not. I mean, not amazing, not that you should, but like it's sweet. And I know for a fact, this happens to so many people who again, like are just used to having their names. Whatever, I guess it's fine that it's wrong. Which is not fair to you, that's not your name.

Not your name! You should be okay correcting people. Yeah, because there's some like deep seated stuff in here. Well, I guess with the Anne and Annie thing, I'm kind of surprised she didn't say, oh, it's Annie actually. 100%. But she's probably sick of doing it or. Yeah, but Anna has this because a lot of people say Anna.

I think she doesn't correct a lot. But Anna is from Venezuela, and I think that's part of it for her. She's just like, yeah, Americans just are gonna say Anna. Even though that's not even true, but there's again sort of an acquiescing to a general culture. Yes.

No, I think this is obviously loaded, and the reason why people don't correct it is that they don't want to draw attention or that there could be negative attention. Make them feel bad. Right. Or seeing people being like, how do you say it? Where are you from? Like just leaning into the whole, I'm sure there's been a million annoying interactions.

She didn't think she'd be coming back. So she's like, whatever. Maybe just cautionary tale for anyone else in this position. After the third visit, say it's actually pronounced Sharif. I identify with Sharif on such a deep level, because I wouldn't, this would be my situation. I would 100% don't bring up things so that it's like, oh, whatever, it's just easier,

and then you're eight years into it, and you're like, it's so relatable. I think you deserve better. I think you deserve for people to call you by your real name. But I understand this has gone on too long and it's out of your hands. So it's time for you to pass the torch. Rachel needs to step it up.

Or bring in a new friend. Rachel, at this point, has already fucked it up. So it's time, bring in someone else who needs a haircut. They'll handle it. Hire the right person for this. Yes. Oh man, this is so funny. So, so funny.

I love these questions. Oh my god, these questions. Oh my god, Ana just texted me. We're synced and sim. Okay, well, this was fun. So fun. We got into it. Into it.

And please be nice. Please be nice in the comments. This was vulnerable. We love you guys. Share your kinks. Share your kinks in the comments. I don't know if people will guys. Show your kinks. Show your kinks in the comments. I don't know if people will. You don't have to, but if you feel safe,

it's a safe space. It is. The internet is a safe space. Everyone knows that. Everyone, yeah. It's known for that. Okay, love you. Love you, bye.