Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Synced: MSP

Episode Date: March 27, 2024

In this episode of Synced, Monica and Liz chat about the summer of Celine, Monica reminisces over the Magnificent Seven, and Liz recounts when she fell in a hole. The two answer listener questions on how to stop co-workers from saying ‘bless you’, the ethics of hookups after long-term relationships, and compromise in a relationship. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I brought you a pen and a Moleskine from the event. What? Pen from the hotel and Moleskine for your future writing. Oh Liz, it's your birthday! Oh, but it's like, why do you... I know you want me to be there. Wow, you're so sweet. You can start your amazing message.

Did you get a Moleskine too? No, it's mine. I'm giving it to you because I want you to write. You're such a good writer. Yesterday, we kind of decided we needed new deadlines. We did decide that. We did. And now you're saying it out loud.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm holding us accountable. decide that. We did. And now you're saying it out loud. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm holding us accountable. Good job. I know. Okay. So either today or next week, we're going to assign new challenges. Okay.

You said, I'm going to try something new. I did. But also your writing is so amazing and people love it so much. It's not so much about any of the nice things you just said. It's just that I need a deadline to do it. And unfortunately, I'm not building that in other than here. What a wonderful space to do it in. I think we should do again, you should give me a title.

Okay. I like that. Okay, great. But then what are you going to do? I mean, you really. Oh God. Are you going to learn a new that. Okay, great. But then what are you gonna do? I mean, you really Oh, God, are you gonna learn a new instrument? Oh, no, what do I do? Okay, I do. Oh my god. Now that but I'm gonna say that I'm immediately gonna regret it. I have always really wanted to play the harp. Oh, like when I was little, but I think it costs a lot of money. Like

I can't buy a harp. I wonder if we know someone who has one, and you could, like, go there. Wait, I feel like I do know someone... Who has a harp? Or like, whose mom is a harpist, a harpo. A harpo. A harpy. I'll think about it.

It's just when I was little, we had a little patio door situation, and my dad always blamed me for this, but the screen was all fucked up because I would open it too hard and be very careless with it. So it had little like, almost felt like it was a little harp. So I would position myself with the screen and I would pretend to play it because I loved the idea of harp.

Did you have like an instrument or like a fantasy elitist thing you would do? I had such a robust fantasy life, but I don't think any crossed over with instruments that much. I mean, I did, I played the's play this past weekend and it was Newsy's and in like an interstitial, they played the entertainer. Do you know that song? You know it like, do you do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,

do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very common. I don't know if that's in Newsies originally or if they just were like playing some music for the transition. Anyway, the entertainer was the first song I learned how to play on the piano. It made me, it did make me feel like, fuck, I really wish I knew how to play. That could be a double challenge. Maybe this, how many? Oh my God. I also want to learn calligraphy.

Oh, that's out of left field. I guess that's one you're talking of. That's elitist. Yes. That's an elitist, like hearkening back to a past, a romantic, like Jane Austen vibes. Okay. Harp and calligraphy would be very Pride and Prejudice. It would.

Oh, it could be our PMP era. But the problem is calligraphy isn't so great for a podcast medium. Yeah, that's right. I don't think it's necessarily going to translate. Also, the elephant in the room is that today is the beginning of the new astrological calendar. We were told this last night, and then I Googled it and it's correct. Oh, good. And it's spring equinox, so equal amount of daylight and moonlight.

Today. Well, yesterday. But we're entering it. So it's an invitation for more work-life balance and balance in general. Good time to set goals. It's kind of a new, because you know, there was a new year and then we made all these goals and challenges and then, you know. Shit happened.

Shit happened. And now we have a new, it's like a second new drive. It's a rebirth. It's a redo. Well, a new year redo. This is a pin ding, ding, ding, because we will be talking about Adam Grant's article, which is directly connected to what you just said. Also, that's very lucky that your rebirth coincides with your actual birth.

Your birthday was yesterday and yesterday is the day. Yes, that's true. That's really good luck. Yeah, it's kind of an opportunity. By the way, I try and remind myself of this on a daily basis, which is like, if I'm having a horrible day and I'm like, oh, like today sucks or like shit happened that I didn't want it to happen or I'm in a bad mood, things aren't going my way, any hour or any minute in the day, I can look at the clock and start over.

So this is a reminder that you can start the year over at any time. And especially now, because it's technically... Astrology says so. Yeah, astrology says so, so you have to. Well, I spilled my tea twice on the way here. You did. And so I felt like it was a bad day. But then yeah, I had to do what you just said.

I pulled up and I said, I got a parking spot. It's a new day. It's a new day. Wait, speaking of new days, did you hear the viral Celine Dion remix that's everywhere since last night? No. What? Do you need to play it? My roommate came in and she was like, I need to share this with you.

I couldn't follow suit because I kept listening to it. And then I was like, Monica and I need to do a TikTok. Something on this. Okay. Are we going to get sued? I think it's the summer of Celine. Really? Yeah.

People are saying like, like the gays have decided this is the anthem of the summer. Okay. I liked that. I think maybe I need to listen a little more to really get into it. I mean, I like the idea that we're going to remix a lot of Celine Dion this summer. I do like that. Also, her birthday is coming up. It's succinct.

It's on March 31st. You know it. Or maybe it's the 30th now. I'm freaking out. It's the 30th. You just know her birthday by heart. I love her. She's my girl.

And is it because of Canada or just because my heart will go on? It's so much more than that. At first, she put out like French albums. We've known her for a while. We knew her pre-Nose Job and everything. And so we're very proud of her. When did she get a nose job? She had a bit of a makeover. I would say probably in 1994. Before Titanic? Before Titanic. A few years before Titanic.

She made a lot of changes to a lot of things. She learned English also, by the way. Wow, yeah. She, you know, Renee and her were determined to make her go international until they got her ready for it. How do you know all this? I love Celine Dion so much. You read, did you read biographies?

I'll watch whatever, anything that's ever anywhere about her. Like when I'm in a rut or having a bad day, I listen to her French songs because they get me excited about my life and excited about like, okay, like she was just like some small town, 10 brothers and sisters, like grew up in like the country and like went and did all these things that were, you know, no one thought she could do. She's a weirdo and she's stayed that way, you know, no one thought she could do. She's a weirdo and she's stayed that way. You know, even though she's so famous. Wow.

Who's your like... I wish I don't... There isn't one famous person who I know their birthday. Oh. I'm realizing. You know Rihanna's birthday? Oh, no. Not by heart. Only when people like post it's Rihanna's birthday.

I feel like you often remind me that it's her birthday. I did text you. It's Rihanna's birthday. I feel like you often remind me that it's her birthday. I did text you. It's Rihanna's birthday, we forgot. I feel like Rihanna is your Celine a little bit. I love her. You really do. I love her, but I can't say she's my Celine cause that would be rude and inaccurate. The truth is I wasn't ahead of the game on her.

Who am I ahead of the game on?, you know? Who am I ahead of the game on? Yeah. Ben and Matt, I guess? Yeah. I mean, they're the only people I can feel confident in my heightened level of fandom. You knew they were going to make it. Well, you know who else I was ahead of the game on? Dominic Mochiano.

What? That's so sissies. I'm on Dominic Mochiano and Lavinia Milosevic. Okay. If you had to guess what I was talking about right now, what do you think it is? Like a Russian painter? Like I don't... Not far, not so far off. These are gymnasts. I was obsessed. I was obsessed with the Magnificent Seven, the 96 Olympic team. Yeah, right. And Dominique Mocciani was my favorite and she was on that team.

She was the youngest. She was 14. It's a big deal. I think I could tell you all seven of them now. Let me try. Dominique Mochiano, Dominique Dawes, Shannon Miller, Uh, Amy Chow? Yep. Fuck yeah! Oh my god. Okay. Wow. Okay.

I can do it. So I have five. Yep. Her name is not Phoebe, but it is um... J.C. Phelps? Yeah. Damn. Oh my god.

I have one left. I don't want a hint. Can I have like a small hint? What's the first letter? A. Another A? Oh my god, what is it? Amanda?

Oh. Borden. Yeah. She was. She wasn't. She was the least magnificent. Oh my God. Wow. Okay.

So yes, I was ahead of the game on them a little bit. Mainly I did a huge deep dive. And then I also got very interested in the Romanian gymnasts, which was the Lavinia Milosevic, Simona Aminar, Gina Gojan. There's more. No, there was one. Okay, we don't need to, I don't need to keep trying. An insane amount of people that you're listing.

That's when I begged my parents to go to Romania. And they were like, we're never doing that. To go just be in the vicinity of your favorite gymnasts, their inception. Yeah. Wow. The Romanians used to really put out insane gymnasts. You know, it was bad, because it was very war torn

and a lot of bad stuff was going on there. And I think they would probably rip them from their families, sort of, young, and then make these gymnasts out of them. I mean, Bella Caroli was a Romanian coach at first, and then moved to the United States, and then was Domini Maciannis. Did you imagine yourself at the Olympics?

Fuck yeah. I was doing couch B, you know? Then I started gymnastics after that, so I was eight. And my coach, my teacher said, if you had started younger, you would have been so good. Why would he say that? I was a woman. Well, I actually appreciate that she said it.

She was giving me a compliment. She was like, you have natural talent here. But in order to be like a level 10 gymnast and an elite gymnast, you do. You have to start when you're four. And I was four years behind. It was just like, not going to happen. My synchronized swimming coach told me that too. Really?

It breaks her heart, but you're right that they probably mean it in a way that's like... Like you're really good. It's unfortunate. Just the reality of life is that you should have started when you were four. I was resentful of my parents. I was going to ask, did they know about it? Of course. I don't keep my resentments quiet.

That's healthy. I mean, I think they're like, you didn't ask. We're not supposed to read your mind, but they should be reading my mind. Did you ever watch the Tiger Woods documentary? Yes. I feel like I was equal parts, oh, that's horrible, and equal parts, why did my parents do this? Like, why didn't they...

You wanted one of those dads? I didn't want the trauma part. Yeah, there's a lot of trauma. Again, I lied. It's not equal parts, but there's a tiny part of me that does, because my parents had no vision for me at all. Like honestly, no vision board, no plan. Did they have one for your sister?

My sister deviated from the vision a lot because she wanted to go to art school, not even art school, like art history, and they would yell about it. And so I knew, you know, I needed to stay in line a little bit, but I ended up deviating a lot more. But did you deviate from your parents' vision? Oh God, yeah.

I mean, acting, like, and cheerleading, everything was, my parents too did not have a vision other than be pretty good at school. Same, or very good. Yeah, I think because I used to make so many careless mistakes, they right-sized their expectation a little bit early. Like they weren't thinking,

oh, Monica's a genius. Like, this is so exciting for us. They weren't thinking that. I think they were like, oh my God, she keeps making the same mistake over and over and over. What the fuck are we gonna do? And they tried yelling, you know, they tried supportive talk.

Like, you know, my dad said very clearly, you're very smart, but you just make so many careless mistakes. That's what my dad said. What the hell? Is that a dad thing? It's like, I've never heard the phrase, careless mistake come out of anyone's mouth ever again. Same. You're the only... That was the soundtrack of my childhood.

Careless, you're so careless. Careless, careless, careless. Wait, maybe that should be your challenge. You should write a song called Careless Mistakes. Oh, I'm already like emotional. Oh my God. Wait, I kind of... Okay, I like that.

Maybe your dad could do a rap on it. Wait, and that should be your essay. The reason I'm going to push back is because on my original essay, I did talk about this. Your mistake, Carol's mistake. Yeah, I brought this up already. I mean, look, I did make them, I think. What I don't like about it is that it attributes an intention. Yeah, maybe we just were bad at it.

Yeah, or I had ADHD. Like I really struggled with attention because again, careless, careless, careless, careless. I thought like, I'm an idiot. And yours was exacerbated by, as you said last week, you left your purse on the subway and stuff. I jumped into a hole once, like by accident. Like my dad was like, that was the maddest

I'd seen him actually. Because you were putting yourself in harm. That's when he said you say you're careless. He would say careless, careless, but he was like you're also careless with your body. Oh no. And that's when I was like, oh man, I'm the worst. Can you tell me about when you jumped into a hole? It was... Also, what do you mean? What do you mean? So, okay, I was going to a sale at my favorite store and it was on Rue Seine-Aha. How old are you? How old are you?

18? Oh, yeah, yes. I'm old. I'm still living at home, but I'm like, you know, I'm going to a sale. They only take cash. They say there's an ATM across the street. You can just go. And I'm like, all right, I'm going to go across the street.

They're doing construction. I see that there is a gaping hole between the sidewalk and the street. And so I go around to go to the ATM. And then I'm on my way back, I'm crossing the street and I'm like, I feel like this isn't that big. Like I- Oh, you did it on purpose? I 100% thought I could pull it off.

There was no doubt in my mind. And I could see the people in the store. They were like seeing me walk over. And then I could pull it off. There was no doubt in my mind. And I could see the people in the store, they were like seeing me walk over. And then I just went for it. I gave myself a few steps behind to run so that I could jump over the hole. And I just fell. No, no, no, no, no.

All of my body was scraped. Cause I almost made it. It would have been actually better if I'd been really off. Cleared it. Exactly. Like in the middle of the hole, I just wouldn't like I almost made it. It would have been actually better if I'd, if I'd really opt. Exactly. Like in the middle of the hole, I just wouldn't like whoops in it. But because I was so close, I scraped off everything on my body. How deep was this hole? Oh, twice my height. Lid.

Yeah, a hole. But I was close. Close is not good enough. You are so careless with your body. Well, I'm not good enough. You are so careless with your body. Well, I'm optimistic. I'm overly optimistic about how far I can jump, what time I can make it, stuff like that. Wow. And so yeah, I came back all bloody. My dad was very upset. Did you go back to the sale and buy the clothes? I did. They were like, oh my God, are you okay? And I was like, I'm fine. What are you even talking about?

Yeah, yeah, I don't even think I accepted like a band-aid. That actually, that is the, I'm working on that part. Oh, just like- Let's talk about it. Okay, so for example, my birthday party, people were spread out and- You had a very fun birthday party. Thank you.

And you're so sweet. We had such a nice birthday dinner last night. Oh, so nice. And you're so generous. And I'm like still on the cloud for my birthday. Oh, good. Thank you for making it so special. Of course.

You deserve it. So it was kind of spread out and my friend Simone was like, let's do the cake. She was like, should I get people downstairs? And I was like, you know what? I don't really need the cake. I just started saying, let's not do it. And everyone was like, Liz, what is wrong with you? Of course we're going to sing Happy Birthday.

And so it's stuff like that where I'm like, oh, that's not really who I want to be. It's not even being humble. It's being like self-effacing or, it's not also being honest about my needs and what I'm feeling, you know? And so I don't want to- You're prioritizing a lot of other people over you.

Yeah, or even what I think, again, in my mind I was like, oh, people don't really want to move. So I'm trying to work on that. But are you, what about you? Like you're like the least careless person I know. That's kind of funny actually. That's nice of you to say. Don't you think?

I mean, I think you're right. I'm very cautious. I would never jump into that hole ever. And in fact, what probably would happen is I'd be with like 10 people, everyone would be like jumping over the hole and I would go around. It's like why I can't be peer pressured.

I just won't do it. I won't put myself in the situation where I feel like deeply uncomfortable just because everyone else wants me to or everyone else is doing it. Like I actively won't do it. That's a great quality. I feel like that's a quality you want in your kids especially.

They're not easily... Persuaded. ...influenced. I guess that's true. I think though it's a cousin to stubbornness. And it's related to fear for sure. Like I'm scared of jumping over it. So it's good and bad I guess. I think you're right.

I would want in my kid for them to not be just like, I guess I'll do it, because everyone's doing it. Like, I like some conviction. You beat to your own drum. You're very... You do. Like, again, I went to this event, and I knew that you were also invited to it. And when I got there, I was like,

oh, it'd be so fun if Monica was here. And then immediately I was like, Monica... I was like, it's so fun, you would if Monica was here. And then immediately I was like, Monica, I'd be like, it's so fun, you would hate it. Because everyone is beating to the same drum. And I feel that you have very specific taste. You don't compromise on what you want to do and where you want to be and who you are.

You're very committed to yourself. That's nice. I think that's right. yourself. That's nice. I think that's right. Yes, it's true. But it's double-sided, right? I feel like I know myself pretty well. And then not compromising is not great.

There's definitely a tail end to that coin. Compromise is very necessary in life. And that is hard for me. Where is it showing up that you want it to soften? Probably in dating a little like, you know, nothing's gonna be perfect. And so I have to compromise some of these standards, I think. I don't like saying that

cause I also think that's not true. So I don't really know. I think that you don't have to sacrifice your standards. I think that you have to sacrifice your comfort. That's relationships, right? Like not like, yeah, I'm going to accept someone who treats me badly or someone who's not on top of their game in a certain way that feels important to me, but that you're not always going to be doing what you want to do the way that you want to do it. For sure.

And that part, I think is hard for the both of us. We like what we like. We like what we like. I agree. So much of it is expectation. Like if I'm on a trip with someone and I know that they're much different than me or something, I can knowing going in, like we're not not gonna want to do the exact same thing the whole time.

I can adjust if I have that expectation, but it requires me thinking that through. Me too. I'm getting worse at it too. Or I feel like it was easier before. Like I didn't really have to like think about before I would go on a, you know, or again, even when, sometimes I think about being like 11, I'm like, I would sleep at someone's house without knowing I would do it. Like, sometimes it would just sort of happen without knowing what the bed situation would

be like, what time we were waking up, what we were eating. Like, you just go with the flow maybe more easily when you're a little... Yeah, I have to do a lot of mental gymnastics. Ding ding ding. Dominique Machin. Because I will have to think like, okay, I'm not going to get to go to this thing or this place. And that's okay, because I'll be back here another time and I'll do that then. But I have to tell myself that or else I'll get resentful, I think.

It's like you're stopping me from doing the thing I want to do. That's a hard thing for me. But compromise is huge. And so I do have to be better about that. We are supported by Thorn. Being in control of our health means being super mindful of what we put in our body from food to supplements. We're always kind of trying to find the best option out there, which is why we're excited

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and I'm wearing them again thanks to skims. Yes. The t-shirt bra is the best t-shirt bra I've ever owned. Ever. It's also a fun like gift. It's such a good gift. For a girlfriend to like do a little skims package and do a bra and They have great underwear and also like a cute tee. I mean just like do a little package. It's so fun

I would be so happy to get that. Yeah, they're great pajamas like Everything is great. Yes, you cannot go wrong Okay with scams shop scams bras at skims.com, now available in 62 sizes, 30A to 46H. Plus get free shipping on orders over $75. If you haven't yet, be sure to let them know that we sent you. After you place your order, select podcast in the survey and select synced in the drop down menu that follows. Okay. How are you feeling about your new 37 year old life? I feel great.

So candidly, we were supposed to record two days ago and then you texted me that morning and you were like, I feel like we should record after your birthday. And I responded like, I'm actually, I can talk about my birthday. I'm already feeling it. Like I was not in a great place. I mean, I wasn't struggling, but I was feeling very weird about my birthday the day before it actually. And so I was like, we can record today.

I have a lot of things to share, but the things I would have shared would have been very different from the things that I'm sharing now that I'm 37. And what were the befores and what are the nows? I was feeling a big gap between what I thought 37 would be like and how I felt two days ago. And now that you're deep into your 37s. Now that I'm deep into my 37s, I see it very differently. It is weird though, right? And it's the way my friend, Glenis,

describes turning 40, which is again, very different. But she was like, the day before I turned 40, I was like, the worst day of my life. And then 40 was the best day of my life. And she wrote a whole book, No One Tells You This. And she was like, no one told me that being in your 40s is amazing. And so, what is it?

I don't know. I just basically woke up on my birthday and I felt so happy. And I like, birthday and I felt so happy. And I like, honestly, I felt so loved. And like you and my family, like I got this four-handed massage. Yes, you said it was pretty sexual. You had a threesome. I had a threesome.

That probably jump starts, you know, your threesome. I recommend it. You had a massage, a four-hand massage and it felt very intimate to you. It was your Laurent? What's his name? Yeah, that was his name. They put a washcloth on you. I mean, it's just for accessories.

You're naked. Yeah, just for looks. And they pour hot oil all over you. It was like, is this legal? It is, apparently. But, and then yeah, we had this amazing dinner and I had this cute little beach date by accident because I was set up with someone and like, he was like, I'll call you next week.

And then like you happen to call me on my birthday. And like, it was just fun. It was just, I have this issue, which a lot of people have where I make up like scary movies in my head about things that haven't happened yet. I convinced myself of the worst case scenario, right? Like I'm never going to have kids. I'm never going to, you know, I'm going to be, have my roommate until I'm 60, you know, like something like that.

Yeah, like I just kind of realized 37 is really young. What am I going to wish when I'm 40 that I did when I was 37? And it's like, well, have way more fun because all of those things are going to come and then I'm going to be yearning for this, doing whatever I want and getting, doing a threesome on the morning of my birthday party instead of like, you know, driving my kids to school or whatever. And so I woke up with more certainty about good things happening and that now I just get to kind of have fun until it all happens. I love that.

That's so powerful. It's funny because I was like, well, I was almost on my way when you texted me the other day, and I was like, well, we might as well do it. But I was like, I feel like she always is right about things. And then you said I have a hunch, and I was like, she's right. Either I'm going to feel worse and it's going to be more interesting, because it'll be like trauma dumping, or things will have changed. But thank you for making my birthday so special.

Thank you for making my life so special. I can't believe I get to do this show with you. I can't believe I get to be here. Like even again, I was thinking back at 35 that year I had no idea was going to end in the way that it ended. And just the friendship that I got, I could have never dreamed of something more amazing. And so I feel really lucky. Well, that's also something I like to consider if I'm feeling like that, like, oh my God, I'm this age and I don't have this and I don't have this and I don't have this. It's important to remember, like, we met when we were 34. That's not that long ago.

And we have this beautiful friendship and it's deep. Things will continue to come and we have no idea. There are so many ways to look at the future. And I like that you are looking at it in a positive way with certainty and also without desperation. I think that's the piece to let go of for all of us. And you'll, again, you're gonna make different decisions

that are coming from a place of desperation, right? Or feeling like this is your last shot. Or again, even the worst is when I'm like dating from that mindset. Because then I'm like, anybody as if there's no man left on earth, right? Like, or, or again, that there's 10 seconds left on the clock, you're not going to make good choices from that, from that position. I thought back at 35, when you text me about freezing your ex together and everything, I was kind of going through it. I try and remember that actually,

that I thought my year was gonna go one way and it went this other unreal way. And I try and remember that that can happen at any time, in any room you walk into, at any minute of the day, miracles can happen. So it's just like a mindset that you have to work on. I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and be like, you know, and it's just, you mindset that you have to work on. I'm gonna wake up tomorrow and be like, you know,

and it's just like, it's practiced. Yes, because it's delusional to think everything's gonna be negative. It's just as delusional to say that. And so you might as well make up like a good story. That's really true. Yeah. And then this ties into astrology and Adam Grant.

So Adam wrote a sub stack, a article on why astrology is not scientifically accurate. And he sent it to me and he said, a lot of people told me to send this to you. Hope you read it with an open mind. And I did read it. And here's the thing, we love talking about it. It's super fun for us. I am not making like major life decisions based on the astrological calendar.

If it happens to be like something fun, like we were just talking about today, like rebirth, something positive, sure, like love to add that in, but I am not driven by it and either are you and either honestly is anyone I know who likes it. Yeah.

Most people I know who enjoy it do take it with a grain of salt. But look, I agree with him that if people are like making massive life decisions, like I can't marry this person because there are this, Like probably not great, maybe give that person a try. So I hear you, Adam. And also I'm still gonna enjoy it. It's fun. It's not harmful to me in my life, so I'm fine keeping it. My issue is that I don't understand why people

are so determined to tell us it's not real. Well, is it like Jesus? Like, is it a little like, oh fuck, they're making like all these life decisions based on religion and that can be harmful. Like there are some, a lot of harmful things that come out of religion. But has there been out of astrology?

I mean, there have been wars and like genocide. Like I don't. And then like, to me, it's like sports. Sports aren't real. Everything's made up. And so I always think again, I love Adam. It's a worthwhile read. But to me, it's still this determined energy of proving women or like taking something that women like and saying that it's stupid. You know, there's a whole history of that. I don't remember seeing any percent. Maybe, maybe I missed this and if I did, I'm sorry, but I don't remember seeing any percentages of the people who actually are making massive, massive life decisions based on this.

I think it's not giving baby people enough credit that they enjoy it for enjoyment. We're all in on it. Often, it just confirms what people already know is true. It's a little bit like people who use sidekicks and like, I talk about Pisces men a lot and like Pisces men are a threat to our society. But obviously, I don't, you know... You don't really think that. I don't really think that.

And one of my crushes is currently a Pisces man. So it's fine. And I'm not like... And your gay boyfriend. And my gate boyfriend. That's right Actually, I've been meeting a lot of Pisces men and I don't shut it down because of that But then if it doesn't work out or they do something then I'm like, well, they're Pisces man Like I should have you know, that's why I won't work out It gives me one more thing to trust myself, right? Like I think there's all kinds of stuff, like superstitions.

These are little rituals, like the placebo effect. Yeah, it's dumb, but it works, so great. People get better just taking placebos or doing certain rituals that then like enhance their health or their mental health. So like, let them do it if it helps them. If it's hurting people, yes, but I feel like it's not. And I think it depends because like,

what I can also see as a little bit of a slippery slope with it is like, I'm this and that is set in stone. It is written literally in the stars. I am type A, I am organized, whatever. Believing that it's your character and that's not malleable at all, I do think can be dangerous because it can be hard to then make changes. So like there's that to look out for. I agree. But I also think it's fun. It's like connections, the game, when you are doing something that is in line with your sign, it's fun to be like, oh God, I'm so ergo. It gives yourself grace too.

Yeah. It's a good way to get to know someone. Like even on my beach date, we were like, what's your sign? Like, do you identify with it? Like it's just a way to have conversation and to connect. And if people are using it to start wars, let's start poking holes. But like, it's harmless. I appreciate it.

The stock market is arguably more dangerous. Oh, for sure. And we should be poking holes, but like, it's harmless. I appreciate it. The stock market is arguably more dangerous and men's virgin. Oh, for sure. We should be poking holes in that. Yeah, women should be writing articles about that. Yeah, I appreciate the article and I did read it with an open mind. And I, like, maybe it's not for everyone because maybe some people can't handle astrology,

but we can. Yes. So we're gonna. Also, Adam Grant is a Leo and that's the most Leo- He felt it was so Leo. So he kind of proved his point. We are happy to talk about, that could be cool to be. If we call him. Yeah, we could call Adam Grant.

I would be down for that. For us to do like a group discussion on this. Should we call him? He's probably working now. We should have to schedule it. But we will. We're going to schedule a call with Adam. he's interested in try to hash this out. I think it's important.

I do too. Okay. Now let's get into some questions. This is funny. This is also a ding, ding, ding because our friend Ana recently has declared that she is no longer saying bless you after sneezes. It's a new declaration. She's like, we don't need to do that. And I kind of get what she means because, you know, it originally comes from like,

like a demon's coming out of you or getting in you or something. It's like, it's exposing herself to a demon takeover. I did not know that. I'm nodding, but I did not know that. I'm nodding but I spray new information. It's like religious. It's blessing you so that you are protected from this demon takeover. Wow. That's weird. I did not know that. Yeah. And so we're like, that's antiquated. We don't really need to do that anymore. So, okay. This is now in keeping. This question, how to get coworkers to stop telling me bless you. This is from Josie.

My office is very dusty and I sneeze a lot during the day, at least five to 10 times. My coworkers often race to see who can say bless you first since I sneeze so much and it is seriously getting on my nerves. How do I get them to stop since technically they're being polite? I've tried by not saying bless you when they sneeze, but they seem to find it rude when I don't do it. Oh, that's a good question though. And I get why I like relate because they're like drawing attention to something that you are just like happens all the time and you just don't want

the attention. Yeah. This is a good in. Maybe if you call out that you're embarrassed, even if you aren't, that makes it about you. So then if they do it, they know they're making you uncomfortable. And so they probably will stop. Right. If they're nice.

Yes. It's no longer polite to do it. It's actually making you uncomfortable. And I think if you say that, like, I actually get really embarrassed because I know I sneeze all the time. And so every time people say, bless you, I get embarrassed and self-conscious. Yes. Maybe they'll stop.

I have a friend who sneezes a lot in a row, and now I'm thinking back and feeling really guilty that I didn't get it. Maybe this letter being written and broadcast will help all of us. Yes, and raise awareness around multiple sneeze people. And like not to... MSPs?

Yeah. I know one too. I know an MSP. Now that I think back, she was always like, like very like, and then like kind of annoyed and we would just be like, like, oh, like stop it. Like now I'm like, shut up. Why did we keep... And it probably, again, happened in probably

every environment she was in all the time. It's true. It's like she, she already knows, like, oh, fuck. Like, there's about to be 10 seasons. This is so embarrassing. Wait, so when you are around MSPs, do you say bless you every time? I kind of do. Me too.

And then it becomes a joke, like... Wait, wait, should we call my MSPs? Yes. Do you say bless you every time? I kind of do. Me too! It's bad. And then it becomes a joke like... Wait, should we call my MSP? Yes. And ask her about this? Yes. What's happening? Just shake your phone.

Why doesn't it work? I think that's weird. Oh my god, it's the beginning of the new year. Phones don't work in this year? My phone was fucked up this morning. Wait, really? Couldn't put it on silent. And it would text like it was on a speaker.

I was actually worried for the show. I'd have to like leave it outside the attic. Oh my God. Hold on. Is it just your speakerphone? Okay. You're calling me. I tried you.

I wanted to try to see. But see, I can't put my phone on silent. It's like rang. It's on silent right now. No. I think because of the beach. There's a lot of people. I wanted to try to see. But see, I can't put my phone on silent. It like rang. It's on silent right now.

No. I think because of the beach. There's sand. You got something in there? It won't go silent. Okay. Okay. Now I can't.

See, I had to like warm it up. It's weird. Hi. Hi. You're on air. We're looking at the new apartment. We're measuring stuff. Hi.

Oh my God. Fuck. Hi. Hi. You're on air. Okay, great. We're looking at the new apartment. We're measuring stuff. Hi. Oh my God, fun. Okay, we'll be quick, but you're on air for sing, so you have Liz and me. Hi, Liz. Hi.

I don't know who this is. Laura. Hi, Laura. I kept you... Well, I kept you anonymous just in case, but I can cut that if you want because I have diagnosed you as an MSP, a multiple sneeze person. Oh, okay. Okay, right. Are you okay? Are you okay being out in the world known as that?

Yeah. And I actually feel like Matt would feel less lonely if everyone knew. Okay, now the world knows that Laura is an MSP because we got a question about someone who sneezes so much and hates when people say, bless you all the time. And I wanted to get your take on this. Are you annoyed when everyone's like, bless you, bless you, bless you? I think I was initially, but now Matt just ignores my sneezing. So I'll be like, whole full body sneeze 10 times in a row. And he's just, and I'll finally be like, bless me, because he won't ignore me.

It turned. Yeah, I find it very annoying when he just ignores what I'm going through. Wow. No, now it turns our whole theory upside down. It does, it does. Cause now we have multiple data points. But I don't need to be told every time.

One every 10 is great. Oh, one every 10. Okay. Or it's like maybe when it's fully done. No, I want it doing because it's like, it's happening to me and it's a lot and I'm looking for a tissue and I'm very busy. Take Matt out of the equation.

Let's say you're at the office because this person is at the office and she's sneezing in her cube, I guess. And then people are running over to say it. That feels really invasive. Right? Yeah. I wouldn't like that. No, I think just, oh my gosh, bless you. That's all.

Okay. You just need one in my mind. But I feel like if someone were to do it every sneeze, then I would be extra self-conscious. I think just, you know, somewhere in the middle is the sweet spot. I know it's what's happening, but don't make them embarrassed. Okay. Okay. It's a fine line to walk. We should say the Matt we're referring to is Matt Collins, friend of the pod, F1 aficionado and host, your husband.

That's who that is. Do you know other MSPs and do you guys talk about it? I think I'm the only one I know. It's an isolating sort of group. But also sometimes when I'm stressed, I will sneeze multiple times. Yeah, we've noticed that with you. Like if something, or if you're talking about something stressful, it will like happen.

It's kind of interesting. It's kind of neurological. Remember in Murder at the End of the World, the guy who would always sneeze when bright light hit his face? Oh, I did not see it. That's an actual neurological thing. Oh. There's a name for it. I don't remember what it is,

but I thought maybe I would have that, but like triggered with stress, but I don't know what it is. Okay. Well, we'll do a deep dive, but just so you know, I think we're building a community of MSPs. Yeah. And so this is for you. I was telling Rory a breakup story once

and I sneezed 37 times in a Thai restaurant. Yeah. Wow. Wow, wow, wow. And how many times did she say bless you? Yeah. I can ask her, but I think she just gave up after a while and just kept saying, wow.

Right. Also she's stuck, she's across from you. She can't just like go away and let you be. Yeah. I guess I would have responded about it. Not just well-designed to be, by the way. OK. Well, he's not very supportive. Now we know. All right. Well, we'll let you go.

Yes. Thank you for wanging. All right. Bye. Bye. 37 times. I would start to feel scared that she would like see you die. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. At what point do you die from sneezes? That's a really valid question. That would be scary.

Well, you know the whole thing, like if you sneeze 17 times or something, you orgasm. What? Yeah, that was a thing. And so when we were young, we would try to like sniff pepper to see if we could sneeze enough times to create an orgasm.

That's like what a girlhood, like guys, boys could just orgasm doing like sitting at their desk. Yeah. Yeah. And we had to like sniff peppers. How about, do you know I've had spontaneous orgasms. Have you? Really? I had them when I was young, like at pool and like stuff like that. At pool? Yeah. At the pool. At the pool. Sorry. At like swimming class. Like I remember once it was like my turn to go and I was like, I can't. No. And I didn't know I was orgasming, but like I was young and I was just looking in the

eyes of my instructor. Were you doing anything physical? I think my legs were like crossed in a certain way or maybe I was near the jet. I don't know. I don't know. I don't remember. But I remember being like, I can't. And like staring at her eyes and being like, and then I was like, okay, no, I can't. And I'm like staring at her eyes and being like,

and then I was like, okay, no, I can't. But I was like, I know this is bad. This is a secret. Yes. But I also was like, I kept this under wraps. She doesn't know. It was probably obvious. What about you?

Mine was born out of also like the fantasy. Like if I was deep in a fantasy mode, I could orgasm. Wow, just with your mind? Without physical touch. I know, I know. No, it's weird. I haven't done that in many years, but I could at some point.

Wait, did you ever Google that? It's probably because maybe my epilepsy, maybe it's all connected. It's like my brain is firing in a weird way. That's incredible. It was cool. Wasn't that an episode of Grey's Anatomy of a woman she couldn't stop orgasming with her mind?

I mean, like that was the thing. And she came in and they were like, I mean, it's kind of a smart, it's good writing. Wow, when's the last time you came with your mind? Do you remember? I feel like the last time, I remember it happening in my car, maybe like 10 years ago-ish.

I think it stopped when I had sex. No way. I think so. Men ruined everything. Timing-wise, I think so. Stop. And I would have orgasms with like my vibrator. So it wasn't, they were real.

Like I know what it was. What it was, yeah. Do you remember what you were thinking about? Yeah, but I'm not going to say. No! Why? I was in fantasy land. Wow.

I was in a full fantasy land. Yeah. That's really cool. Because you've orgasmed in your sleep, right? I have. It's so fun. It's so funmed in your sleep, right? I have. It's so fun. It's so fun actually. I wish I could like,

It was a vine. It was a vine. Yeah, I could. It's such a great pop out. It is. Anyway, did you find it? There's not really. Ah, okay. But what's most likely gonna happen is

like brain hemorrhage from violent sneezing or heart attack. Right, right. Oh. That's not the actual act of sneezing that's gonna kill them. It's gonna trigger something else. But I could see like, cause blood vessels will burst and stuff.

Oh my God, kind of scary. They should create some sort of inhaler or something. Can you block your nose so it stops? No, they say don't ever do that for a sneeze. Why? That your brain will explode. No! Yes, they do say that.

Yeah, I've read that too. It says that on all of these. You guys are lying. No, no, I have heard that. Like, I've read that too. It says that on all of these. You guys are lying. No, no, I have heard that. Like you're never, you know how some people try to like stop their sneezes and like close their nostrils? You're not supposed to do that. We're gonna get comments.

People are gonna be so mad at you. You're supposed to let it out. Rob is giving me the look that this is sick. Rob is being a rascal, but I'm being serious. You're supposed to. You're not supposed to. You're supposed to let it out. But what if it's your 34th in a row?

You gotta stop it. That's an anomaly. But what if someone who's listening right now happens to them and then they listen to your advice and then they die? No, it will still, the act of what's happening is still happening. Even if you block your nose.

Yeah, you're just not stopping the outward motion of it, but it's still like that violent head, it's worse. Don't do that, don't plug your nose. Okay, have you ever sneezed like, snot? That's so embarrassing. It's really, I mean, it's like, I'm a trauma. Yeah, trauma. Trauma vibes. Is that what you were gonna ask?

I was gonna ask if you've ever like sneezed in a very bad situation where you're really not supposed to sneeze. I'm like during sex or something. I feel like I have. Really? But I can't recall, but I think it has happened to me. And then you have to just be like, wait, like it's just a-

Excuse me. Wait a second. But then just the act of doing that makes you- Horny? Well, I can act of doing that makes you horny. Well, I can see it kind of making you horny because it's like everything's exploding out of me. Everything's happening. Yeah.

Well, sneezing is, I mean, it feels great. People say it's like pooping, sneezing. Yeah, people say that. If you like, have we talked about this? No, you told me this. About pooping? Yeah. That if you like pooping, then you'll like anal. I did not tell you that. I did not.

That sounds like Claymonica would say. I definitely did not tell you that. But I could see that being true because you're comfortable with things up your butt. Well, not just comfortable. And coming out. If it feels good, if you're one of those people that like you get pleasure out, relief. Everyone gets relief.

But I think some people like they feel nothing. I feel like Rob feels nothing. No, you get relief. Yeah, it depends on how bad you have to go. I love it. You will love it, you know. You will. You will.

That's what I've been told. And it's like a route. It's like a formula. It's a science. And the way you said it, I can tell. No. Listen, I... Huh. I wonder...

I feel like Dax would confirm this. Well, he loves pooping. He does so much. And he loves anal. He loves anal. I wonder if Jess loves pooping. Jess would, yeah. Maybe Jess told me that. I can see that.

Yeah. But then if he told you that, it is not that. I can see that. Yeah. But then if he told you that, it is not scientific. Do not take that to heart. Okay. Let me do another question. Okay. Is it ethical to continue seeing my hookup buddy from my open relationship? Zoe. Hi Monica and Liz. I love the pod. You guys make me laugh every week. After 10 really beautiful and special years, my partner and I have decided to end our relationship.

We still love and care for each other deeply and will remain friends. But after a difficult situation and some repeated behaviors, I've decided to end things. My partner understands. We've done the open relationship thing on and off throughout our relationship, and I've been seeing someone with my partner's consent for five or six months now.

We've kept this part of our relationship private from our friends and family. I don't want to end things with this person, but a part of me makes me feel like continuing to see them as I navigate the end of this relationship is morally wrong. And I have no one to talk to about it other than my therapist, as no one in my life knows about it.

It's a casual and fun hookup and will continue to be, but should I stay away as I grieve the end of my relationship? Huh. I don't see a problem with this whatsoever. will continue to be, but should I stay away as I grieve the end of my relationship? I don't see a problem with this whatsoever. I feel like this is a great scenario to be in. Unless you feel like you're not properly processing the end of the relationship because you've just quickly like pivoted, which maybe that's the fear around it, but both can happen. I think you can process

what went on in the relationship via therapy and then also like have fun. You don't have to be miserable just because the relationship ended. 100%. And you can process things while you're meeting your physical needs. And again, it's not like you're building this. And even if you were building something with someone else, timing, I mean, you don't really plan when you'll meet someone that's the right fit. And like, I wouldn't discount it just for that reason. If there were other things that were going on

and like, it's dysregulating you. But if it's just the question in your mind or like rationally wondering if what you're doing is bad, don't let that hold you back. The only thing I would say is maybe watch that it's not becoming like, addicting the way that you're regulating your emotions with it, like as soon as you start to feel sad

or think about the relationship, then you're like, I don't want to think about that anymore, and then you go hook up. I do think that can be a bit dangerous. Not dangerous, but emotionally, like, you are using something to regulate something else. But it doesn't really sound like you're doing that, and I think it's fine. I don't know. Maybe I'm so toxic,

but what do you need to figure out? It's over. Like, it's not like you're in the process of breaking up and you're figuring out if you want to... But I mean, 10-year relationships, long. That's like coming out of a marriage. Like there are things I'm sure that you have to like deal with and think about and like what happened and why it happened

and who was I there and who, you know, there is a lot. But I don't think that this prevents that from happening. Yeah, have fun. You can be happy. It's okay. Oh, two good ones. Okay, well, we have time for one. My husband's job takes priority even though we make the same amount.

This is from anonymous. I've been wondering your opinion on my situation ever since you answered a similar listener question back in September, but mine is even more complex. You said you would marry a social worker or teacher with a low income, although maybe you'd request they cut back on elective surgeries. But would you marry a poor scientist? My husband and I have been together since college. We always knew he wanted to get a

PhD. I did think maybe naively that it would eventually lead to a more financially lucrative career. However, his goal is more about scientific contribution and less about financial success. I can get behind that to some extent, but now that we have three kids, it's a bit more difficult. In addition, in order to maintain the quality of living that we both have agreed on, nothing fancy, but we did buy a medium-sized, somewhat-dated, single-family home in a good school district in the most expensive city in America,

where we moved for, you guessed it, his job. I've become responsible for making the same income as him while only working part-time due to our childcare needs. We do split household chores pretty fairly, but I carry 100% of the mental load of parenting. I feel like a stay-at-home mom while also contributing the same dollar amount that he is. To add another layer, we found out that another father

in our area has the same exact educational background as my husband, but he went into private sector. He works for a well-known tech company that is not doing anything bad, but my husband does look at him as a sellout. However, those neighbors live in a much nicer house and the mom doesn't work. I know comparison is the stealer of joy, but it's hard not to look at them and see the financial situation I always thought I'd be in, especially when I was the breadwinner during all those years he was in school. By the way, this dad's company is hiring.

As you can tell, there's a lot of resentment. We've tried couples therapy, but it didn't go well. I need Orna, but I thought you two would be a close second. Please help. This is tough. And very common. This fight and this argument and this issue in heterosexual relationships. I don't know what to say.

I mean, I guess there's one thing to talk about, which I assume you probably have in couples therapy, is he happy with the financial situation that you guys are in? It kind of seems like he is, which is why he's not pursuing all these other opportunities. And then that's complicated because you're not happy with the financial situation that you guys are in.

And you feel like a lot, so much is on your shoulders and that is not fair. It feels like you're sacrificing a lot and he's- Talk about compromise. Yes, resentment is not bad. Resentment is information. And you talk about you moved and you made these changes. You are working part-time to make up for the fact

that you're at home, you have 100% of the mental load. Like you're doing a lot to make his life comfortable. And it doesn't seem like he's necessarily doing the same or interested in knowing what that would be like for you. I have compromised my idea of what I thought our life would be and my own standards for a work life balance, basically, and splitting familial responsibilities and stuff. Marriage takes compromise. So I'm happy to like take some of this, but I need you to show that you're also compromising some of your

things. And maybe that is this like kind of pie-eyed idea about working for what's quote good versus what's bad. The priority that you have is you and your family's happiness. And the priority that he needs to have is also that it's a constant constant dance and sometimes one partner is prioritizing the family more than the other like on a day to day basis or even on a, you know, oh, I have to go to work this morning. So can you do this? Right.

But overall, I think that there's an imbalance here that he's prioritizing. Yeah. His own, if you are vocalizing these things and he's not interested or curious, I think that that's actually the sort of red flag here. Not even the fact that these are his preferences, but that he's not, yeah, you're very interested in what would make him more comfortable. Why isn't he interested in what would make you more comfortable?

And at least again, trying to figure that out with you. I think it's hard enough if the partner is making a ton of money and not contributing in the house. Like that in itself is hard, let alone that's not even happening. They're not providing financially. There's this book called Fair Play that's all about this. Like the author, Eve Rogowski, I think calls it divorce for married people. There's like a documentary about it and everything.

There's actually things that men can do and sign up for to learn how to, because this is the number one killer. It's wild. It's not the affairs. It's these boring. Money and kids. Money and kids. Money and kids and just division of labor and assumptions that are made and women taking

on often a lot more of this invisible, right? These invisible tasks. There was this whole thing about like the mental load is invisible, but it is huge. And so often men don't even realize that women are taking on all of these things or they don't care. Also, there's just like, I'm sorry, now I'm like, I'm thinking about it more and there has to be a contribution to the family. Otherwise, why are you there? I'm sorry, that's the truth. And I would think that I would start to think that like, for sure, I'm doing absolutely

everything on my own and I'm making the same amount of money. I don't need you. So please make yourself like necessary. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's very like much like she's the, the again in very traditional ways, like she's the man. But not really because the traditional ways they aren't taking care of the kids. Well meaning she's doing all of that too. Right. But she's also providing. Right. And maybe that can be also a way into the conversations. Because a lot of men want to be providers and enjoy being providers actually. And maybe he's not realizing that he is sort of failing in that department.

He needs to know and he needs to care. And if he doesn't care, I think that's where you can start divesting or thinking about again, like, is this the kind of partnership that you want? And I just always think people who love you care about how they make you feel, you know, no matter what it is, no matter if it's the mental load or it's that you want. And I just always think people who love you care about how they make you feel. You know, no matter what it is, no matter if it's the mental load or it's that you like pictures of girls on Instagram, like whatever, there's a whole spectrum, right, of things, but they should care about how you feel and be interested and curious. There can't just be one person validating the other person's emotions or again, you're

like, oh, I know that this is important to him that he does a job that he believes in, right? Getting a PhD, like you're listening and you're validating, you know, I know that this is important to him, that he does a job that he believes in, right? Getting a PhD, like you're listening and you're validating his feelings, but is he validating yours? Yeah, that's tough. Thank you for writing in. All right, that's all for today,

but that was super fun. Please keep writing in. Yes, we love these questions. They're all so fantastic. We love answering and we feel very lucky and trusted. We do. Honored. And just asking the questions, I think, makes so many people feel like, oh my God, I don't

feel so alone. I know. Just the process of doing that, I hope feels good. Me too. Are we going to wait a week to decide our challenges? Yeah, I don't think we're ready. We're not ready. We're not in the mindset.

We're not in the headspace. But that's okay. Yeah. All right. Well, I love you. Happy birthday. Happy 37. Happy New Year. Happy New Year to everybody. To everybody. And we'll see you next week. Bye.