Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Synced: The Push Out

Episode Date: June 12, 2024

In this episode of Synced Liz talks about how she ran into an upcoming date while on a date with another person, they discuss the hugging theory, and Monica shares what depression feels like for her. They answer listener questions on jealousy among friends, how to handle a partner who under-tips, and whether it's okay to bring a husband to a girls trip. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

[♪ Music Playing. I like your set. Thank you. Sweat set. Best sets are sweat sets. That's so true. And you're wearing a sweater that we got together. Yes. Do you wear yours? It was at my parents' house for a while. Right. But it's back. It's back, baby. How was the rest of your New York trip? It was great. May in New York, it's so wonderful.

I caught up with friends. I went on a few dates. And then I had a date event. Great. No, not a good one. Oh, no. I'm trying to date several people, as you know, in order to not zero in on people and go nuts.

So I had guy number one date planned on Thursday, and then guy number two date planned on Friday. And then while I'm on date with guy number one, I get a text from guy number two, and while he was in the bathroom, and I was like, okay, I'm not gonna respond, I'll respond to this later. Then we walk out, we're like, let's go for a walk,

and we run into Guy. Oh no. Number one. He was kind of looking down. And so that was one of the most awkward situations of my life, I think. Okay, so what happened? So he was like, Liz. This is where like, have you ever seen someone,

I feel like I relate to this like in high school when you would like be on the bus or something and you saw someone you don't really want to like talk to the whole commute or someone you don't really know that like talk to the whole commuter, someone you don't really know that well and you kind of have a sense that they saw you and you're both kind of ignoring each other. That's a little bit what happened when I looked up, he kind of looked down, but then I maintained eye contact because then I was like, oh, I don't want him to think I'm like a void.

So then I kind of... You did? Yes. I'm like a void. So then I kind of you did. Yes I was like, hey, and I was like as I was saying hey, I was like, oh I blacked out I mean like fully lost consciousness and then I forgot everyone's names I forgot my own name and so then I just stood there as they stared each other then they were like I'm and then they shook hands and introduced And they're like, how do you know each other? And they're both like, I'm dating Liz. Well, one of, okay, so guy number two definitely understood what was going on. Guy number one, who I was on a date with had no awareness, which I guess made it easier

in terms of finishing the date, but I could not focus at all. I'm usually a pretty good listener. I'm able to like throw questions out and follow up questions, but in this instance, yeah, for the last hour of the date, I was just, I kept just feeling mortified. I just felt really bad. Okay, let's unpack that. I mean, you shouldn't feel bad.

Okay, first question, were they both first dates? No, so the guy I was on a date with was a first date, so we just kind of met. But the other one I'd been on a few dates with. Okay, I guess that complicates. Well, okay, no. So for BTS, we just did a sidebar that we'll cut. But I know you're talking about who was the second date who you've been on dates with. And you definitely, definitely don't owe this person exclusivity.

No. Like there should be no assumption that you guys are like dating. No. So I don't know. It's like this is the way it goes. People date. I think it's fine. Yeah, you shouldn't be mortified.

Thank you. That was helpful for me. When it happened, I have a friend who lived really close to where I was, and I was just discombobulated. So I went over to her place and that's what she said too. She was like, it's no big deal. But then like... He made it a big deal. Yeah, I mean, he joked about it, but then, I don't know if I should leave this in, but like, it's kind of over. Like, it's not...

I mean, he didn't say, this is unacceptable. You know what I think happened is like, he was able to laugh about it, and we were able to make jokes. And I also explained, I don't typically date several people, not several, but like more than one person, but it's something that I actually am doing so that on purpose, because if I like someone, I don't now zero in on them. And if I like someone, I don't sleep with them. Like I know it's maybe counterintuitive to people who don't have like codependency issues, but for me like that's the healthy way of doing it. And so I explained that, but I feel like what happened is that like he was hurt,

and then he just kind of poo-pooed a little bit the whole thing. I don't like that. And by the way, that's good information. Like you guys don't even live in the same city. So the assumption that you aren't dating is silly. Yes. And for the record, again, like he didn't, I think everyone's like this, but I think men especially, like when men are hurt, instead of admitting it or feeling it, they'll kind of create distance.

But yes, I think it struck a nerve or whatever and then ruined the vibe, I would say. But you're right, like it shouldn't. But when you feel so, if I was really into someone, I would feel so sad. That is a difference between me and you. And we've talked about this, like when I was dating those two guys at the same time. To me, that's so normal, that's expected. Like I expect those people to be dating people too.

I don't find it offensive at all. What are we doing? You can't just, if you've been on one date with someone, say, I guess I'm just not dating anyone else until this person from another city decides to make this work with me. Also, not to mention that person hasn't been all that, it's not like he came to visit you or anything. Right. And he wasn't really writing to me a lot, Exactly. Texting and stuff like that. So yeah, it's funny. I think I would just honestly, I'd be like, oh my God. Like, I would find it funny.

Really? Oh, I felt, oh my God. Not you. If I was the guy walking. Oh, you would find it funny. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, this is reality. Like, people are dating other people. And that's how it goes.

I just can't believe the coincidence. That's bizarre. It's such a big city and he doesn't even live around there. Like it's wild. And again, I was like maybe that was supposed to, I don't know. Everything is universe coded. Maybe it was supposed to happen because there are things about this person that you really like, but there are things that are maybe not the right fit too.

So maybe this was just like the push out. Yeah, the push out. How was your... I'm sorry that happened though. That's uncomfortable. Yeah, it just feels scripted. Yeah, it does. One time I did cancel the date.

Oh. We were supposed to hang out later that day or night or something. And I was leaving for out of town the next day. And I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm just crazy trying to get ready to leave town can we reschedule he was like sure then I went to the Grove to be fair to me it was part of getting ready for the trip I had to buy some stuff for the trip sure but this is like 15 or 20 minutes later I am like walking down the street to the Grove and he's behind me. What?

I was like, oh my god. Wait, what? Yeah, it was uncomfortable. Why does this happen to us? I've never heard of this happening to anybody. I mean, I guess let us know if it did, but I feel like... What? That's very strange.

I don't want to give it too much meaning, but he was just like, hey. Yeah, he's fine. Okay. He was just like, hey. And I was like, oh, hey. I think I said, like, I'm going to go get some stuff for my trip, but I probably sounded like a liar. He's like a liar.

Yeah, exactly. Luckily, he was very chill and did not. I was like, cool. Well, we'll hang out soon. And so are you usually honest? Do you usually say the thing you're doing instead? Or could it happen once where you rescheduled it and they would see you at the movie theater

with Jess or something? Yeah, that could easily happen. OK, because I'm like, you did say the truth in that scenario. And so you didn't have to cover up anything. But it still looked like I was like, I have a lot to do. And then I'm just like going to the mall.

So it didn't look good. But okay, yeah. So normally if I'm rescheduling, what do I say? I think I do keep it pretty vague. I normally say like, I'm so sorry something came up. If Jess and I were at the movies, that came up. Sure. You don't make up like an intricate...

I don't think I've done that. Also I think I say like I have to work, which is always the case. So it's not a lie. I mean it all fits into work. Going to see a movie with Jess. If you bring it up on any of the million podcasts that you do. It's research. Yeah.

That's so crazy. Okay. Well that stinks. Yeah. It's okay crazy. Okay. Well, that stinks. Yeah. It's okay, though. How was your time in LA? My time was good. It's been a week since we've talked. What's happened? Oh, speaking of Jess, I took a 24-hour trip with Jess to San Diego. Cute! Because I had to speak at an event. I was on a panel and then I got to interview Jason Sudeikis for this event. And I was of course dreading it,

because it was like rushed, you know. I had to like go and then it's two and a half hours away and then do the thing and then come back. And so it's just like a weird thing in the middle of the week, glam, you know, all that stuff. So I was like dreading it, but happy that I had the opportunity. And then the night before I was with Jess and I was like,

I have to go to... I thought it was in Palm Springs until the morning. And I was like, I have to go to Palm Springs tomorrow. And he was like, oh, do you want me to come? All of a sudden it got exciting. And then I was like, oh yeah, this is why people have partners. To go to stuff.

Because it was definitely way more fun to go with Jess than it would have been to go by myself. So yeah, we had fun and we had a baby shower for Laura and Matt. Fun! Cute and sweet. I was in charge of food. So the food was great. The food was really yummy.

We had little Dom's salads and Hank's bagels, which I love so much. And social hummus. Have you ever had social hummus? No. It's this woman and she like makes the hummus, I assume, out of her house and then like does deliveries and pickups and stuff. And she does the most intricate flavors. And they're so good. Like what's an intricate hummus flavor?

The flavors we had, let me read. Original classic flavor, decadently creamy with citrusy nutty tones, topped with sumac and paprika. Then an herby hummus. Same as above. With herbs, obviously. And then dark river Warm Raft. The hummus is black. Oh.

And it's a blend of luxurious black sesame tahini, confit garlic, marjoram, and black cumin. Yum. Incredible. Yeah. And then we have Lady and Larder Platters. It was pretty and cute, and I hope the couple was happy and the baby was happy. Okay, you know.

They like hummus. The baby told me that it was happy. And then what else? I mean. It's a lot. Yeah, it was sort of a busy week. I'm sort of happy it's over. So is Jason Sudeikis promoting something?

No, it was just sort of the keynote speech for the event to sort of like inspire the people there. Nice. He was really cool. I had never met him before and he was really nice. It was fun. And it was very, obviously very easy to interview because he knows how to talk. But yeah, let's see.

I haven't watched it anymore, Six Feet Under. No, you're on a break. I'm on a tiny break. My dad has COVID. What? Yeah, that's sad. You know, it's fine. A lot of people have it. You know, it's fine.

A lot of people have it. I'm not worried about anyone. But then my mom texted me and my brother and said, dad has COVID. And then my brother was like, is he okay? And she was like, he has a cough and a slight fever. And I was like, what's the fever? And she said, she was like 99.6,

but that's high for him because he runs low. And I was like, oh my god, stop trying to make this worse than it is. This is not that scary. But does she like taking care of him? Did you get that from her? That wasn't the vibe I got. I mainly got like you should be a little nervous. Oh.

Or I probably projected that. She wants you to be more worried. I probably projected that. I not only projected that, I think I also was just like, this isn't that big of a deal. You don't need to make it that big of a deal. And stop trying to worry us for no reason. I feel like getting COVID is another thing that's fun

if you have a partner. Or like better if you have a partner. Really? Because I don't, because I'm afraid to give it. So I'm telling that person to get out. Well, yes, but they're gonna worry about your, like even if your fever's not that high, that they're like, wow, your, like to just make you feel like this is really hard.

No! That's called enabling. Enabling what? Victimhood. If you have COVID. If you have a 99.6 fever and you're like, oh my God, I'm dying. Um, no. You're not, you're fine. Right my god, I'm dying. Um, no.

You're not, you're fine. Like, I mean, not feeling good sucks, of course, but let's like live in reality here. I just think it's nice when someone is like, oh, that sucks, like when you're sick. Not someone who blows it out of proportion, but who like nurtures and like is monitoring your fever. It's kind of cute.

I guess. Anyway, I checked in with him the next day and he was like is monitoring your fever. It's kind of cute. I guess. Anyway, I checked in with him the next day and he was like, I'm fine. I was like, okay, great. And no one else got it? Yeah. Okay, that's good. So, okay, I feel bad about this,

but do you have an, I mean, I'll go with it. Do you have like an outsized fear over one of your parents versus the other? As far as like something's gonna happen to them or someone's more vulnerable? I don't know. Yeah. Do you have that? Yeah. I'm also talking with...

My mom is a senior with ADHD. And that combo... That worries. It's a rational fear. It is a rational. It's a rational. Yeah. Not irrational. No. It's a rational. Yeah, not irrational. No, it would be irrational for us not to be.

Does she take anything for it? This is so funny and I think relatable to a lot of people who share a disability or whatever you want to call it, impairment with their parent. Yeah. Which is my mom denied that she had it because when I was diagnosed, I was like, hey, by the way, you have this. Like for sure, I have it less than you.

And she was like, no, I don't. You're incorrect. And then she, a few weeks later, was listing medications and she's like, yeah, yeah, I take Ritalin like in the afternoons. And I was like, because you have ADHD. That's why you were prescribed that. She had ADHD so bad she forgot she had ADHD. Like, that's why you were prescribed that. She had ADHD so bad she forgot she had ADHD. Yes, that's right.

That's how you know. And so even when I was little, I was afraid of my mom, like, accidentally getting hit by a car because she was distracted. She was already very distracted when I was young, but now compounded with other frailties. Yes, it's just like, oh God. And we're all a little, like like worried about her. Does she ever try to jump in the hole? She's more like risk averse. I think that helps her. But if it was to catch a guy manspreading,

if someone was out of line, she would do it. If there was a purpose to it that was related to social justice. But a local kind of social justice. Like an individual. She would do it. But then my dad had a stroke and there are vulnerabilities. But even talking about it makes me, like, sweaty. Do you worry about one parent more than the other?

I do think I worry about my dad more than my mom because he's older. I think that's really the only reason. I can see his age more than I can see my mom's. But then, like, because when I was home for Christmas, my mom got COVID. And I had the realization, I was like, I'm not worried at all about her. Yeah. Interesting. And then I felt guilty because I was like, well, why am I not?

I mean, she's not like 20. I should still probably be worried, but I'm not. But then I get really scared because I'm like, I'm jinxing it. No. It's like, you don't have control. Of anything. Yes, I get it.

And I think the same thing, weirdly, my mom, there's something too about her personality or her like, like where she just feels unflappable. She feels like nothing can sort of touch her, but it's not true. And maybe that's part of like, I can't imagine, like it's too earth shattering to imagine either of them. But like my mom can't be weak or like be on the verge of anything Yeah, it's not gonna go well We know the end. I mean we might die first. I know I thought about your saving grace

That's like best case but it's not because they would not be able they would kill them That would be so horrific. Yeah Anywho On to lighter and brighter's okay. Have you heard about the hugging theory? I don't think so that basically if you're actually Good friends or best friends you don't hug. Oh my god that tracks really good friends or best friends who don't hug. Oh my god, that tracks for me. I don't hug Callie, we don't hug. I've hugged Kat like in the last five years, three times, like not even one time a year.

And even then, there's no hip contact. It's almost like a formal like, okay, like we're kind of, because we live in different countries now. So I feel like, yeah, when I leave for an extended period of time or something like that, or she visits, then we'll hug, but it's not like a, oh, like in the way that I hug other people. It's almost like a, it's like a formality,

but we're like, we're not really hugging. Doing this. Yeah. It's weird. I think this might sort of circle back to what we were just talking about. Do you hug your parents? I do. You do. We're a big hugging family. You are.

Okay, so that's interesting because my family's not at all. So it is like a formality now when I like come in from LA and then I'm leaving, we like hug and it's very odd. Oh, really? Yeah, it's like very kind of plasticky and not how I hug so many people in my life. And I would say Cali, similar. If we are hugging, it's not the kind that I hug other people with. But I think part of it is because I almost feel like if you are hugging for a long time

or sort of like deeply or intimately, it's like, it makes me, like if I'm doing that with my parents, it feels sad. Oh, interesting. Like I think if we like really hugged, everyone would start crying. Oh. So we're just not going there. And I kind of think the same with Callie.

Like because the emotions are so deep with those people, like the histories are so deep, the hug, like, would release history. I hope she doesn't mind me saying this, but sort of recently, she called and she was crying. I mean, that happens a lot. Emotions are exchanged, but hugs aren't exchanged. But she was really upset,

and she asked if she could come over, and I was like, well, I'll come over. So I drove over, but I didn't hug her, and she was, like, bawling. We were just talking, and I was like, well, I'll come over. So I drove over, but I didn't hug her and she was like bawling. We were just talking, but there was no physical contact. Yeah. Interesting. Yeah.

It's almost like a sibling. You hug your sister? I do, but not, again, when we're saying goodbye, or again, we live in different countries, when I'm leaving or I've arrived from the airport, but I'm not hugging my sister. random like it's not we're so comfortable with each other Like we're not doing these formalities whereas with a friend that I don't know that well It's like like you're doing it in a way because you're not that close or as close and you almost need that

Salutation whereas with the best friend like you're just like what's up? I guess it's sort of like a way to break the ice. Or to create intimacy that maybe isn't real. Yeah. Yeah, that could be. I mean, we don't really hug. We have. We have. We have.

I think we do hug when we're leaving. That's true. Not when we're leaving work, but if we're like hanging. But if I'm leaving your house, I don't hug. Maybe if you're driving me home, I feel like it's like a half hug, like a one-hand arm car hug. That's how I hug my dad. Car hug. That's more comfortable.

Yeah. Less emotion. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But OK, because like during Race to 35, when I got two eggs and I was upset, obviously, did we hug? Probably not. Yeah. But you know what's really funny? The order of events was we were together, I got the call and then I was like, well, this is the result. And I think we just sort of talked

about it or sort of moved on, but we didn't hug. I do think if we had hugged, I would not have been able to handle it. So I'm glad we didn't. And then I went home and then we decided to get cake and we were staying at Kristin's so I came back. But when she hugged me, I did start crying a lot. And her and I do hug sort of like, her hug to me feels more maternal. I remember seeing it and being like,

oh, she's finally kind of letting go. Like, not that you had a guard up, but you were kind of still trying to be strong and trying to be rational and like, this isn't that bad. But I feel like in that moment, you just kind of let yourself feel. Yeah. Which, you know, I think you needed. Yeah. Like, I definitely feel hugs from her are indicative of a deeper relationship.

But she feels more like my mom in those moments. Support for Synct comes from Element. Element is a zero sugar electrolyte drink mix born from the growing body of research revealing that optimal health outcomes occur at sodium levels two to three times government recommendations. And that's why we levels two to three times government recommendations. And that's why we use Element to stay healthy and hydrated. I love Element so much. I love their new Element Sparkling.

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Taking control of your reproductive health starts here. Go to Nurex.com slash sync to get started. That's nurx.com slash sync. Results may vary, not offered in every state, medications prescribed only if clinically appropriate consultation required. Do you cry in front of your mom? No, I hate it.

You don't? I have when I was a baby. Because I couldn't, I wasn't strong then. Just a weak little baby. And then I have a few times as a teenager to adult, but I hate it. What do you mean? What happened? It's uncomfortable. Like, it's not...

I felt at some point early on, probably, that made everyone uncomfortable. And so it wasn't something I was interested in doing, was making the room extremely uncomfortable by my tears, you know? So I kind of learned to not do that in front of them, which is not great, probably, but they didn't grow up in households, especially my mom, did not grow up in a household where like crying was abundant or like encouraged.

So I think she's way further along the line than she received. Still, she just wasn't used to it, I think. So I think I kind of adapted. And so how did that affect the way that you expressed your emotions? Does it mean you bottle things up more? I think I did. Okay, I remember when I first met Kristen and Dax, and I was date night babysitting.

And I would leave and they'd say like, "'Love you.'" And I was like, "'What?'' You know, I was like, no, they don't. That's a weird thing to say. It was so foreign to me to hear that. And then their just general affection became more contagious. I think I changed a lot once I started being around them.

And I do think I became a lot more open. Well, even the way, again, you're describing Christian being this kind of maternal figure in which you could cry and you could just kind of let yourself feel whatever you were feeling. Because you'd cry when you feel safe to cry. Maybe you have safety in other ways with your parents, but not necessarily with tears or emotions.

Exactly. What about you emotionally? You cry all the time around them? Yeah, I was so dramatic. I am dramatic. You're Pisces. Yeah, I'm a Pisces. And so, and I could not bottle that in.

But everyone was very intense in my family. And that was a little bit the flip side. Did you see them cry a lot? Yeah. Like my mom, well, my mom was sick and my dad was just very stressed. No one was really bottling anything in. Yeah. And sometimes there maybe should have been more. So everyone, I think my sister was more reserved

and like honestly balanced. And I think me, my dad, my mom were a little like, yeah. So yeah, there were a lot of things that I was upset about that I wouldn't talk about. Or when I look back, I think there was definitely some repression, but I was very intense. I was just like always very sensitive. And so I would react to things with a lot of emotion.

Yeah, I am really sensitive. So I probably did some harm having to repress because there were a lot of emotion. It wasn't that I just didn't feel. Yeah. I was feeling a lot. That wasn't the place for me to release that. But then I think that's why there were a lot of fights.

I fought with my parents a ton growing up. Weirdly, anger felt like a safer way to express emotions in the house than sadness. And I think that was passed down a bit. So everyone was like more quick to be mad than to be sad, even though sadness was probably underlying every single fight. Of course.

Do you still feel like it's easier to be mad than to be sad? Around them? Or just overall? Still, yes. I think in general, that's the emotion that comes the fastest to me, is anger or like a sense of injustice. Then I have to sit and think like, why am I mad?

That's normally when like I realize I'm sad because of this. Well, that's good that you're like able to notice it. Takes practice. Yeah. Because sometimes, I mean, I think for so many people, it's so much easier to be mad than sad. Like if I think of even like every breakup I've been through, like I was so mad for so long.

And now that I look back, I'm like, oh, I was, it was so much easier to be mad at them than to feel sad. Or hurt. Yeah, and it makes you feel like you're, I don't know, more in control. Even though you're not. No.

But it fully gives the illusion that, like, you're in charge. Yes. Even though you're absolutely not. And probably if you let yourself feel sad. I mean, any time that you're self-regulating, you're actually more in control, right? And so it actually does the opposite. But yeah, it feels easier.

Being sad is so hard. So annoying. I hate being sad. I know. This is a good endorsement for Inside Out 2 that's coming out. All about emotions. Have you seen it? It's not out yet. Okay. We didn't get a screener.

Okay. Do you cry? How often do you cry? Well, when my medication isn't right. I just recently went up on my medication. Did you know that? No. Yeah, I did. So I fell for a bit, and I've said this on Armchair, but I think it's maybe worth repeating for anyone who's feeling like they don't know

if they should try medication. The beginning of the year, some personal stuff was happening, and I felt like someone took me and just shook me violently, right? And then put me back down. And all the puzzle pieces sort of fell back into place, except one was not fully in place. And was just kind of half in.

And I could not get that piece to click back in. And I was working out a lot. And I was doing all the other things that normally work for mood elevation and it was not working. So I went up on my medication and it worked. It just clicked back in. And again, it's not like and then I was happy. It's just and then I was able to regulate. I was able to handle things and handle my emotions.

And I didn't feel overwhelmed by the world. So that, for me, is the best way of describing when your hormones are out of balance. But before I went up, I was crying a lot. And I knew I was like, this isn't right. I was just dysregulated. And I could tell, because I don't normally cry like that. That often or that intensely.

So it depends. I think my normal state, if I'm in a good place, I don't cry much. Right. When's the last time you cried? I asked Jason Sudeikis this too. Oh, fun. I cried last night, but now I did. Because of the dates? Oh, God. People are going to, but now I did. Because of the dates?

Oh, God. People are only going to think I'd gone on a million dates. I just had a... I wasn't a... Someone who doesn't live in LA. So we just did a phone call and... How can I put it? It was bad.

He asked me like one question for like an hour and a half. Did you know him already? No. So it was a first chat? It was a first chat. And I just was like, oh my god. You didn't feel seen? Seen?

Yeah, I mean, I just didn't. I think that hasn't happened to me in a long time. And again, I'm sure there's reasons that have nothing to do with me, but any bad day is just hard. It can become a metaphor for your life, which it's not. Exactly. But I feel sad that I didn't know how sad you were. Oh, and it wasn't like every day I felt like, oh my god, it's really hard to explain.

It's not that I was sad every day. Sadness wasn't what was ruling. It was just instability, which isn't necessarily sadness. It can be like anger. It can be super happy, but, or I'm not feeling present. It's so tricky. But sadness definitely wasn't like the rain, it wasn't the raining.

Or just that you were struggling, I guess that's what I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think I... Well, I didn't really know. You know, it takes a minute for you to recognize like something's not right. Cause also for a while I was like, I'm a little low, I'm a little down, something's a little off,

but, and I was like, it's a little low, I'm a little down, something's a little off, but... And I was like, it's temporary, it'll pass, these things pass. And then after a certain amount of time, it was like, it's not passing. So I have to take some action now. It was nothing extreme, I know, but you can always lean on, you know... I appreciate that, but it wasn't like, I'm struggling and I'm just gonna keep it to myself. It just becomes your normal.

You don't necessarily feel that it's wrong, you know what I mean? Or that you're struggling, you just feel like, blah. I don't know. Can you relate to like, depression? I know you have like anxiety. I know what you mean in terms of like, the dysregulation. And I've had those periods and it's very, very overwhelming and scary actually. But I guess what I mean is I think I knew

that you were struggling, but you didn't really tell me. And so I didn't know. It's more to say that no matter how you're feeling, even if you don't know what's going on, I'm always there to, even if you don't know. I feel like I've definitely told you things that I'm obsessed, you know, there to... Even if you don't know. Like, I feel like I've definitely, like, told you things that I'm like, I'm obsessed with this thing that happened and I'm dysregulated over it, even though it's not normal.

And obviously, I get help and support in ways that I need to. But I also, it really helps to share it with others. Yeah. Anyway, I'm just saying, you know... Well, I appreciate that. ...as a reminder. I'll remember. And I'm glad you're feeling better... Well, I appreciate that. As a reminder. I'll remember. And I'm glad you're feeling better.

But just for people who are listening, I do want to state, it might not feel like you think... Depression comes with like a look to it, right? It's just keeping an eye on what feels different than your status quo and how long have you felt different than your status quo. If you feel like removed or there's just a lot of ways to experience depression. Of course. And you blame yourself when you're, you know, yeah, don't want to see people or you can't do the things that you used to do, right? It can be like, what's wrong with me? You know, and then that I think compounds it.

But yeah, it's great that you're talking about it. And I'm sure you've already helped so many people just by sharing it. Well, I like Zoloft. I do like it. I loved it. And that's the other thing, because I know a lot of people try medication and then it doesn't necessarily work, and it's hard. It takes a while.

I was on one, not Zoloft, I was on another one, and for a while, and was on one, not so often, I was on another one for a while and it wasn't working for me and I didn't feel right on it and then I switched and then I had to figure out the dosage that worked. It is a process. You kind of have to believe in the process that eventually you'll get the right fit. Yeah. And that you might need to adjust it. Just because you're taking more now, it doesn't mean that you'll take more forever or it's like anything. Also I just remembered something so important. What?

So someone in my family was diagnosed over the weekend with epilepsy. No. And it was really helpful when I was like, Monica has it. And I swear to God fixed because it was so scary. It was so scary and all the unknowns. And I was like, Monica has it, and I swear to God, fixed, because it was so scary. It was so scary, and all the unknowns. And I was like, oh, it's OK. Monica has it. And I explained the ways that it impacted you,

but also the ways that, like, your life is totally fine. And it really helped my family. They were like, yeah. I'm glad that was helpful. Again, you sharing things about your life, I know have helped so many people people already and have helped my family. Oh, I love that. I mean, I'm sorry, because that's not a fun thing to hear that, like, you now have this.

And epilepsy is so confusing because you don't know why. Like, there's so many questions around it. And maybe this person in your family might grow out of it. So they'll probably keep an eye on that. I saw, like, the entire, like, demeanor change in this alien member when I was like, Monica has it. And I was like, yeah, she takes medicated. And then, like, one time it kind of came up

during her x-ray thing, but then I thought she was gonna, like, die. But it was just because she, like, didn't get her meds. And I don't have a car, so I couldn't go to the ride aid on time. And then I didn't take it, and I was fine was yeah, and you were fine. Exactly. Totally. Exactly I have thought about it a lot like should I wean off? Because for people who don't know and sorry for people who do but yeah, I have had two seizures They were a year apart and they were grandma and so then I was diagnosed After that and I've been on medication ever since then and I

haven't that I know I've had any issues. So every time I go to my you know I talk to my neurologist he's like you've been seizure free for enough time that if you want to try weaning off we can. I feel comfortable with you weaning off of it but it's totally up to you." And he said, he was like, you know, a lot of people just never get off of it because the peace of mind. And that's sort of how I feel. And then I feel kind of bad if I'm just taking a sort of intense medication for no reason. But also, I don't want to be stressed about having a potential seizure. That does not feel like a no reason.

Yeah. Like... I know. I mean, it feels so, so justified. Right. Like the realm of reasons why you would be taking a medication to prevent something that's like, and you live alone. Like, I would feel nervous if, I mean, whatever, don't do anything to make your own decision,

but I would feel like nervous. Like, I kind of want to get a sauna. You do? Yeah. Yes. And so if I get a sauna though, I kind of want to get a sauna. You do? Yeah. Yes. And so if I get a sauna though, I definitely can't get off the medication. Really?

Are saunas bad if you... Well, no, I'm just worried I'd have one in there. Sure. Well, that's... And then I'd burn up. Burn to... Yeah. I'd burn it down.

Burn it down. Um, yeah, I think you should stay on it. It's up to you, but if you had another reason, but if it's just, oh, I shouldn't know. Yeah. I think it's great that you're on. Today's episode is sponsored by the ASPCA Pet Health Insurance Program. We have many pet parents.

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Fire Insurance Company and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCA is not an insurer and is not engaged in the business of insurance. We are supported by Our Place. Okay, well, this is very exciting. Exciting. I'm so happy to be sponsored by Our Place. A lot of cookware and appliances

are made with Forever Chemicals. Forever Chemicals, as we all know, are horrible. I've been learning a ton about PFAS and Teflon, and it's just like, once you deep dive into this, it's really rough. And if you can have products that don't have them, like it really is super beneficial and the way to go. Our place is a mission-driven and female-founded,

woohoo, brand that makes beautiful kitchen products that are healthy and sustainable. They really are so pretty. I was gonna say, I mean, it just like, adds so much flair to my kitchen. Yes, and you can leave it out. I leave it, exactly. I leave it out because it actually makes my kitchen

prettier than without it. I know. I made eggs right before we recorded, for the first time. And they're not gonna have any PFAS in there. No PFAS, no forever chemicals. I hardly needed any oil. It's like, it's so, it's just incredible.

Go to fromourplace.com and enter our code SYNC at checkout to receive 10% off site-wide. That's fromourplace, F-R-O-M-O-U-R-P-L-A-C-E.com, code SYNC, S-Y-N-C. Our Place offers a 100 day trial with free shipping and returns. Are you a type of person who, because I do think there's two categories of people, people who are sort of averse to medication in general, putting in, you know, chemicals into your body. I'm in the other bucket where I'm like, I'm fine with it.

I feel fine just taking like anything kind of. That's great. But even though, which is sort of ironic because I've never, I don't do, I've never done illicit drugs. Yeah. And I am afraid of that. But prescription drugs, I'm just like totally fine with.

Even the first time you took like Doloph, were you a little bit nervous? More I was nervous like what are the side effects gonna be? And also I was a little like, wow, like this means it's like real. So that's like more of an emotional piece. But the actual chemical in my body, I was like, it's probably fine.

Right. I can always stop if something crazy is going on. But yeah, I'm like fine with it. Where do you land? I don't love it, but it doesn't work well with my personality because I'm all FinSec. I need to take things. But I famously, for the people in my life,

when I was on Zoloft, I took myself off of it because I was like, I don't want to take medication anymore. Like one day I just decided, which is so bad, and don't do that ever. Don't do that. But I will often, even when there's a doctor that's like, you should take this, I somehow like one day I'm like, I don't want that ever. Don't do that. But I will often, even when there's a doctor that's like, you should take this, I somehow like one day I'm like,

I don't want to be taking this. Yeah, see what's behind that? Because that's a lot of people. Yeah. What is it? I have no problems with supplements. I have no problems with putting trash food into my body. But there's something about I'm taking medicine. I think there's a sense of like, I shouldn't be relying on this to be normal.

Interesting. Again, no matter what it is, not even just with antidepressants, I think there's a sense of like I shouldn't be relying on this to be normal again, no matter what it is not even just with antidepressants, but and this sense of my body should be Able to function without it. And so if I keep giving it medicine, then I'm gonna have to take medicine forever. But again, none of it is Rational it's not a rational or rational. It's mindsets. But I do think it's like buckets. Like I have a friend who really doesn't like taking anything that's not natural. And I don't know where it starts for me, like why I feel totally fine about it. Even like when I'm on my period and like I'm dying, I'll be like, I don't really need an ad.

Almost like my body will take care of this. I'm going to power through. That's so interesting. It's so stupid. And then I'll take it eventually. Once you're like passing out. Yes. And I've made my day miserable.

And I haven't been able to like, you know. Yeah, function. It's Advil. Who cares? And even I'll take one. Like I won't take two. Oh my god. I know.

It's so stupid. It's not stupid, but it is interesting. Because yeah, it almost feels like you're looking at it as like a weakness. Yeah. Or like I'm changing my body. I shouldn't need anything a little bit. But we all need stuff. We all need stuff. And thank God for modern medicine.

Yes. Before modern medicine, people died when they were like 32. Oh, we would be dead. Yeah. We would be the elders of the medicine. Yes. Before modern medicine, people died when they were like 32. Oh, we would be dead. Yeah. We would be the elders of the village. Gross. I mean, there's so many places where you don't... I remember when we would go to Cuba for winters and like my mom would just illegally pack

like a suitcase full of Advil and like medication just to give. And we met this woman who was a musician and she was like, oh my God, I have arthritis. This is going to be amazing. And I was like, you have arthritis. You don't have pain medication. So I love a pain. I mean, when we got our eggs frozen, that was so fun. I loved it. I was scared afterwards.

I was like, it was nice. I love it. I get why Michael Jackson. Yeah. Propofol. I know. All right. Let's do some questions.

Yeah. Oh, I like this. Okay. Do you have a friend that you get especially jealous or competitive with? How do you handle it? This is from Steph. Hi Liz and Monica.

I'm a strong believer in not comparing myself to others and women lifting up women. But I have one particular friend that I feel so much jealousy and competitiveness with. We're bridesmaids in an upcoming wedding and I've spent way too much time thinking about how I'm gonna style myself so I look better than her on the big day. Yuck, right?

She's also very charming and charismatic. Instead of being happy for her or even proud, I get irritated when people fawn all over her and wish that attention was going to me. Do you have any friends that you get competitive with? How do you handle your feelings of jealousy? Okay, first of all, I wanna give a lot of credit to you, Steph, for writing in, but just being honest and also knowing that it's you

It's your jealousy that's causing this. That's a huge step and acknowledging it is so difficult I think jealousy no one wants to feel jealous. It's almost embarrassing It's a horrible feeling and to your point I think feelings are meant to be felt and like when we don't feel things, they just become bigger and come out in ways that are worse. And I think jealousy is probably one of the most like, because we're somehow humiliated by it, it makes us like, when you think about the worst things I've done in my life, I feel like it came from that.

I feel a lot of jealousy stems though, from you yourself not feeling confident. Because if you're feeling like she's so charming A lot of jealousy stems though from you yourself not feeling confident. Because if you're feeling like she's so charming and charismatic, okay, so those are strong suits of that person, great, but you have strong suits. And I think it's focusing on that and maybe like writing a list out of the things that you bring to the table.

Like reminding yourself that you bring your own unique qualities that have nothing to do with her. Like I want to say that she doesn't have, but I don't think that's actually smart. It's removing her from you. This is what I bring to life and these are good qualities. As opposed to looking at another person and feeling like, oh, I want that, I want that. Okay, but you don't have it, right?

So I mean like that. Or maybe you do. Or maybe you do. But also saying like I want, I want is just not... I've seen this and I've felt it. I have felt like, oh, God, I want to be like them, or I want to have that. But it's like, I don't.

So, okay, what do I have? And I think once you start focusing on that and, like, getting confident, building your own confidence, jealousy starts to totally disappear, and this sounds bizarre, but I don't have jealousy anymore. I definitely did, especially when I first moved here, and oh my God, trying to fucking be an actor in this industry is rife for jealousy and envy,

and there's a lot of it in this city. Everyone's jealous of somebody. But I think once I found my own footing, I just was like, yeah, I have my own lane. So I really can be happy for other people who are thriving in their lane. Wow, that's great. I struggled with jealousy.

I think I mean, I struggled my whole life. Like I would harbor a lot of feelings. And again, that it would come out in ways that were not good because I wasn't really acknowledging what was going on. And to me, jealousy, like there's a few things. First of all, like, it's that two things are happening. You're putting the other person above what they actually are

and you're putting yourself below what you actually are. It's a double distortion and that helped me a lot when I would realize, A, that when you're in jealousy, your thoughts are distorted. You feel like this person is taking something away from you or that, again, you're very much in fear. Things that are coming to mind are not necessarily true. And so what I found that I was doing,

I mean, whatever, I dated someone and they dated this very famous person, right? Literally the day we broke up. And so I got to see their whole relationship sort of on furl online. And I remember just really struggling with it. And at one point my therapist just being like, so tell me what you're imagining their relationship is, right?

And I was like, well, there's this photo, this thing. And then they went to Disneyland. She was like, do you think that he's ever annoyed with her because, or like any relationship? Yes, there are good moments, but there are also moments that aren't good. And what I was doing was totally distorting what their relationship was, which again, it doesn't mean that I was like, they probably hate each other and she fucking stinks. It was more just what's realistic. And then similarly

with yourself, what's a realistic assessment of you? And I think when we're in jealousy, we also distort our own self. So we see, yeah, Stephanie might see this woman at this wedding wearing this super beautiful dress and she thinks, well, I'm ugly and I'm- Exactly. And no, you're not, that's the distortion. And so seeing yourself accurately,

that exercise that you talk about is great, which is no, I'm great in all these ways too. And then there's the whole like jealousy Gives you information about what you want like I had this nemesis everyone has like Jim a nemesis I don't have a nemesis there are two people in the world who I think I'm their nemesis But they're not mine. I don't have one there are two people in the world who think I've wronged them. Oh But wait nemesis. Okay. no. Is that a nemesis? Well, I think my version.

What's a nemesis? But also, for you to be the nemesis of other people, but not you having a nemesis, might actually be like the literal formula for like the ideal life and like mental health. Well, I don't wanna be anyone else's nemesis. I don't want that for them. Sure, that's right, that's true.

But okay, so you, a nemesis in my opinion, and maybe like Twitter, like media Twitter, it's like your nemesis is someone in your field that you see as you're in competition with and if they're your nemesis, they're a little bit above you. And if you're their nemesis, you're a little bit above them, right? Or that's the perception. Or you mean they're succeeding? They're succeeding.

Okay. Yes. So you don't have a nemesis. I mean, you are in your own lane. I did have a nemesis for a couple weeks. And actually, you know what's hilarious? You know her. She was at your birthday party. What?

I had a nemesis. She was always booking the job. No way. That I would audition for. Which is so funny. But I didn't know her or anything. And I have to say, I'm proud of myself. I was like, this is hilarious.

This person keeps getting these jobs. And then I met her at your birthday party. She's so nice. And I am also not doing that anymore. I'm not doing commercials. Isn't that such a great lesson? To think that, okay, in five years from now, my nemesis won't even

be my nemesis anymore because I'll be doing, right? Like, I think that, again, is like a good framework to be working through. Yeah. It's still framing because I think I've just had a ton of practice in auditioning. You have to do so much mental gymnastics to get through that life and you have to tell yourself everything you can. And a lot of that's really stuck with me. Like really, really, it's not zero-sum.

You have to remember life is not zero-sum. That just because this person is getting attention or getting, that's it really, getting attention doesn't mean there isn't attention for you. There is. And also keep your eyes on your own paper. Like that was a huge one for me with acting, because all you do is look around and see, oh, this person booked this, or this person booked this.

I haven't booked anything in three months. It's such a racket, and you have to remind yourself to fucking keep your eyes on your own paper. Do you. Do your thing. And yeah, their success doesn't mean your demise. It's separate. And in a way, when I think back at the times

where I was wrapped up in these feelings, it meant that I wasn't present for my own success and the amazing things in my life that were happening. I also think energy-wise, I know this is so woo-woo, but you're just not your best self when you're in this mode. And if you're not your best self, you're not going to get the best. So it behooves you to drop some of this. I have a question, which I know we're supposed to answer them. But I think about this one

a lot though. How do you know you're jealous versus this person is annoying? Where they're being braggadocious or they're being, is that a word? Yeah. Okay. They're being braggier, they're kind of full of themselves or they are taking up a lot of oxygen. I think that's one thing I do struggle with, where I was in a relationship with someone that, from my POV, that was what was happening, and his analysis was more that I was just jealous,

and I was like, I don't, am I? Maybe it's both, I don't know, but that's one thing where I'm like, I think sometimes it is hard to know, because sometimes it is very clear, it's like, oh, this is my But that's one thing where I'm like, I think sometimes it is hard to know. Because sometimes it is very clear. It's like, oh, this is my friend, and I should just be happy for them. Or this person is in my field, and I just have envy. But sometimes it's also kind of... Trickey. Yeah.

There's a gray... Yeah, that's interesting. I mean, you have to really dig deep and ask yourself, like, those, the behaviors that that person is, you know... Exhibiting. Yeah, exhibiting. Do you want that? And you really have to know, because maybe the answer is yes. And so if it is, then it might be jealousy. If you're just like, ew, I think this is a horrible way to be,

then maybe it's not jealousy. Maybe it's just, oh, I don't like those characteristics in people. Okay, well, that's what I felt like, so now I've been felt like that. Yeah, Maybe it's just, oh, I don't like those characteristics of people. Right. Okay, well, that's what I felt like. So now I've been validated. Yeah, now it's fine. Okay, great. Because it's such an easy throwaway, right?

It's like, oh, they're just jealous of you. I kind of hate that thing. I feel like it's very online of like, they're threatened by your shine. It's like, well, sometimes you're also totally... You're right. It is a fine line because I agree with you. I don't tend to think anyone's jealous of me. But then there have been some instances where I'm like,

I think jealousy is at play here for them. Your two nemesises, I think both of them, there's jealousy a little bit. And do you think they still, like, you're still their nemesis? I have reason to believe I'm still their nemesis. Which is so sad. Yeah. I like, it should not be still there. Which is so sad. Yeah. I like, it should not be taking up any brain space of theirs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's like sad because it's not reversed. Sure. Yikes. Yeah. It's embarrassing. Maybe that's a good thing to remember is like how much energy and space you're giving to this person and you have to be aware it's not reciprocated. I mean just a real heart to heart with yourself like I'm thinking about this person this much and they're

thinking about me not at all and so it's on me to adjust this. Maybe meditation. Yeah what are you avoiding about your you know sometimes that's too if you're focused on someone else so much it's also like what am I avoiding about yourself? You know, sometimes that's too. If you're focused on someone else so much, it's also like, what am I avoiding about myself or what I need to do in my life? Yeah. Oh, interesting. Okay. Ooh. Okay.

Tipping behind my boyfriend and now he hates me. Jill. My boyfriend took me out to a lovely dinner, but when he was leaving a tip at the end of the meal, it was not quite 20%. Our service was wonderful and I wanted to make sure our server felt appreciated, so I took out some cash to leave on top of his tip. He was very insulted and won't let it go.

I was a server for 10 plus years and I know that making $2.13 an hour is stressful. How do I explain that how you tip a server can be an indicator of something greater like being cheap? He's very frugal and careful with his money, which is totally fine. It's just important to me to also leave a well-deserved tip when nothing went wrong and the experience was perfect." This is hard. It's hard and it's not, because I'm so on Jill's side. I'm like, no, absolutely not.

To me, it would be codependent. If you're like, something's wrong, like this server isn't getting what they deserve. And if you just turn a blind eye to keep your partner happy, that's not healthy. So I think you did the right thing. Me too. It's annoying that the boyfriend got so mad about it. Also, that's his issue. Again, if he gets so mad because you want to give more to somebody, He felt defensive that he was being cheap. That you were calling him cheap without calling him cheap.

Without doing that, yes. I think you, especially since you worked in the service industry, like, he does not have a leg to stand on here. It's kind of rude to you. Is that a bad phrase? Leg to stand on? Uh, yeah, I think it means... It means disabilities? No.

What does it mean? I don't know where it's from, but I don't think it means... It means disabilities. No. What does it mean? I don't know where it's from, but I don't think it means one leg. I think it means like, you don't even have one leg. You don't even have a leg to stand on. You don't even have to like, you can't even stand. So again, disabilities. Oh, that it's ableist? Right.

Well, for sure. Wow. Wow. Okay, I retract that. But anyway, he doesn't have the right. He doesn't have the right. But really, I think if you're like, I worked in this industry, it's important to me that we always leave at least 20%.

And I understand if you don't want to leave 20%, but I'm always going to then make up that cost. The end of conversation. I feel like this is on him. You've expressed something. Also, what are we talking about here? Dollars? I mean, if he was tipping nothing, there'd be even a bigger problem, but he's probably tipping

16 or 18 percent. It's like, okay, just a few dollars to honor your profession and also what you're asking for that's important to you is like a weird thing to reject. The way to do it where it's gonna hopefully reap the least repercussions is to say, I totally get if you like leaving 18%, like I'm not gonna change you, that's fine, but if we are together, we as a team are leaving 20%, so I'm just always gonna make up that cost.

It's nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with what I think has to happen at restaurants. And then like, what's the argument? I do think you can ask, why does it upset you so much? And try to unpack it, because obviously, yeah, he's defensive about being frugal. I even think it's weird that she's complaining that it's like, when we go out, we need to tip 20%, regardless of who's paying.

It's like a weird thing even for her to, like, throw $3. I think it's fine to say, like, we as a team have to leave 20. I just don't think you can ever force someone to pay. There's, like, a weird thing with if people have ideas about how they spend their money, I do think it gets very tricky to be like, well, you should be spending more, because then it's just gonna, like,

light up a whole bunch of defenses. Like, no, I shouldn't. This is the amount. I just don't know that it's going to solve any problems. But it might, if you just say, when we're together, we as a team are leaving 20%, whether you leave it or I leave it, I'm not comfortable doing anything other than that, then maybe he'll just start leaving 20%.

That would be great. But also, if he's feeling Petulant is like, I don't want to, then do that. You add the dollars in. I feel like that's the source of a weird, right. Imagine if we're going out and then like I'm adding, it just feels, so just like do it dude, tip 20%. Like it's important to me.

I know, but he might not. But to me, that's the flag. Again, especially since she was a waitress. Like it's not really about the money. It's kind of about him. It is about him. I mean, it's a little bit about the respect, but also people have such deeply rooted money

stuff. And so his stuff is probably really deep too about the reasons why he isn't. Rewiring that is more than just, just do it. I think it's going to require more conversations and it's going to require him not feeling judged, which is hard because you do judge him a little bit. You have to like make space for him to not feel judged, which is hard because you do judge him a little bit. You have to make space for him to not feel judged in order for him to understand why he's behaving like this.

Right. So in Quebec, 15% is kind of the standard. So when my parents would come to the US, I'd be like, tip 20%. I would kind of just look at them and be like, you... And again, I know my dad is... Mr. looks through the bill like my dad is the most frugal dad ever, but I know that when they come to the States, they'll do it because it's important to you.

It's important to me. Yeah. And so I think, again, it's not the same as your partner, but we all do things that we don't wanna do, or oh, I would do it this way if I was alone, but I'm in a relationship. Like relationships are about modifying certain things based on what's important to your partner.

And so that's the part that I'm like, is it really big deal? Okay, but let's pivot this a tiny bit because I run into this sometimes because I over tip. I do large tips, especially at places I frequent a lot because I think that's a nice thing to do. And I like, you know, now we kind of know the people and it feels nice. But then if I'm with someone and they like insist on paying, and then I know like whatever tip is happening is not gonna be even remotely what they normally get, I get a little uncomfortable.

I'm like, oh man, I do like paying so that I can tip what I wanna tip. It's lovely when people are like, no, I'm getting it. But then I sometimes feel like I kinda wanna getting it. But then I sometimes feel like, I kind of want to tip more. Right. But then I don't. Yeah, that makes that person feel like they didn't pay enough. But that's why, again, you go, I'll pay.

If you want to be in control of that, in that way, I think you do. Yeah, I just think completing, even if I was tipping well and someone was like, oh, I'll just add something, I think it would immediately make me feel like... Bad. Bad. I know. Agree. Look, if we were out and someone was like, oh, I'll just add something. I think it would immediately make me feel like bad. Bad. I know. Agree.

Look, if we were out and I'm like, I really want to pay. And you're like, OK, they're really nice. I usually tip a lot more. Like, I understand if you don't. But I'd be like, oh, I'll give a little more. I wouldn't do it, but I'm your friend and we're out together. It's like, you just kind of do things.

Well, how would you feel, OK, if we were out and you were like, it's your birthday. I really want to pay. How would you feel if I was like, okay, but I like insanely over tip here just because I know everyone here. So do you mind if I tip? How would you feel about that? I wouldn't mind. No, no, no. I wouldn't mind.

Because I also know like more money for the waiters. There's something weird about like this is a profession that is dependent. But some people I think would get defensive and then... Oh, I don't care. But I do think if you feel that need, you have to say it like that. Like, this is my issue. I tip a ridiculous amount,

just because I know them. Cause then who can argue with that? To me, it's a win-win. I'm just like, oh, okay, great. The worders get more money, you feel happy. But sneaking money is not. Or again, it also entails that like you looked and you judged.

And I think with this person, if he were just to be like, oh, quick, you want to tip 20%, great, I'll tip 20%. I feel like now he's in a position where he's emasculated or cheap, and now he's acting from that place. And so it's just like, come on, dude, I'd just be like, tip 20% when we're together.

That's the end. Unless there's a financial reason, which is different, but then maybe we don't go out. And we can't go out. If you can't tip your. We don't go out. If you can't tip your waiter, let's make our own food. Cause like, we want to be answered to it. I mean, mainly we just support you, Jill.

We support you. Let's see, do we have time for one more? Let's see if there's any quickies. Oh. Well, this isn't that quick, but I am. Okay. My friend is bringing her husband along for a girls trip. Oh no. No.

Becky. Monica and Liz long time listener first time question asker. I travel for work and my best friend lives in the state I'm traveling to. I decided to fly in a day early. She lives about an hour outside of a major city, so she could meet me for dinner and then spend a day together shopping touristy activities. It was all planned and then she texted me that her husband decided to come with her. She made reservations for the three of us and she will be staying

the night with her husband instead of with me. To give some additional background, her husband has a history of not trusting her and acting out whenever we have planned trips in the past. Do I just go along with this or express my disappointment? This feels a bit controlling. It's very controlling. Very controlling. And it goes both ways. There's all these memes of like online of women being like, when he goes out for a boys night.

I just think if you're in a secure relationship, it's great that they're hanging out with their friends. You're not mad about it or sad about it or need to be there. But it's very common. I would 100% say something about it. I think I would too. I've had friends like that where you see little things and then you're like, okay, but then you want, you know,

you want them to be happy and you don't want to insert yourself, but it always gets worse. It starts with stuff like that and it can escalate. Again, I'm not saying this is a situation of that nature, but I would 100% be like, why? And just be blunt and honest, no one else is bringing. The headline sounded a little worse. It sounded like it was a bunch of girls.

Like this is just them two. But even more reason I think you can say, you know, I love Jake, he's awesome, but I was really looking forward to just as having some girl time. See what she says about that because if she says like, well, he doesn't like when I go out with you alone, then you say like, that seems a little controlling. I don't know if that's offensive though.

I would just say, how does that make you feel? Ask questions. You know, do you like that? Why is he worried about that? What is he worried about? Have you had conversations with him? I think that's what you want to understand. Yeah. It's like he has to babysit you and me. No thanks. No. I didn't sign up for this. I don't want to do that.

It's also, if the roles were reversed, I mean, maybe I'm exaggerating, but I feel like if two guys are, and then one of them just brings, like it would be weird. A girlfriend. I have friends whose husbands I love, and we definitely hung out, the three of us,

but I think this is a little different. Yeah, it feels like it was planned specifically to be a trip for you two. So that's a bummer. Yeah. Definitely express your disappointment for sure. And then see where it goes, because it might end up leading to deeper questions about why this has to happen.

Yeah, and her and her relationship. And I think these are the little moments that shouldn't be ignored. Maybe she's not there yet to be able to acknowledge it, but you wanna start pointing those things out. And that's being a really good friend. Just wanna make sure you're okay with this. I think it's good to say what you prefer.

Cause you're just gonna be resentful. And now this trip sucks. Exactly, maybe you don't wanna go. And like, do you wanna go on this trip now? Which is the real question too. And if you do not, do not go. Because, oh my God, I've done this so many times. Where it's like, well, I'll still have a good,

and then you're there and you fucking hate. Yes, and you're so mad. Yeah, and you spent money, and you're going to be even more annoyed with that. And he's, who knows what he's going to do on this trip too. Ugh, God. Our vote is to talk to her. Yeah.

Okay. Great. I think that's going to be it for today. And we'll see everyone next week. Have a great week. Yeah. Bye. Bye.