Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Synced: WOM

Episode Date: April 3, 2024

In this episode of Synced, Monica and Liz discuss what is sending them to hell, Monica recounts a traumatic phlegm incident, and Liz reveals her new family member: Monika. They answer a listener question on whether great sex requires pursuing a relationship and they end on an unexpected cliffhanger. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Did you get a haircut? I didn't. Oh. But I want to. I want to have your hair. Well, I'm getting a haircut. You are getting a haircut this weekend? On Friday.

Do you like your hairdresser? Yeah, I love her. She's expensive. Well, she's a hairstylist, but I just have known her for a long time because of Kristen. Oh, so you have a good price. It's free. It's not. I pay her, of course.

But like, she doesn't really do haircuts. She just does because we're friends at this point. That's cool. You should start a hairline company. I would buy it. I would be a cheat and a fraud because I don't know any... Let's be honest. Okay.

It's like when JLo is selling her olive oil. And look, I'm not saying she doesn't do that. I have no idea and I like her a lot. Have you watched the documentary? I did watch the doc. As a lover of JLo, how do you feel? I'm not like an insane lover of JLo. I'm just not like...

This is gonna sound so like Pollyanna and I'm not. I'm really not, but I am like done hating on things. Oh, okay. I just am. I'm sick of it. I don't like this. I don't like this. I don't like trying to take people down. I know there is a whole thing against her right now.

It's like no one allows anyone to just like be happy. I'm not for it. I'm just not for it. Okay, you're not jumping on the bandwagon? No. Even though during the documentary, were there parts where you were like... This is a problem? I actually, I mean, I guess I was sort of like half watching, to be fair.

But no, I was like, that's fine. Whatever she's doing is she's doing it. I also liked that she was, in her way, telling us she was a love addict. I think she is a love addict. Right. And not that many people admit that or know that about themselves. And I think it's more common than we talk about. That's true. So I like that it's not harmful.

We're coming up on an election where there's harm. There's a harmful person in the mix. So I am super uninterested in just calling everybody else out for no reason. So you want people to be called out for causing harm, not for just being like annoying. Exactly. Exactly. Like, just don't watch it or don't pay attention if you don't like her. You don't like it. Like this Kate Middleton thing. I hope people felt like such pieces of shit. I'm sorry.

If you were like so deeply invested in what's happening with this person you don't know slash her Photoshop, whatever, like... Okay. I'm with you. I think that we have to take into consideration the context of the royal family and the deception and the lies and the corruption of that institution. Like we are used to being lied to. Who cares?

Again, I didn't even indulge in Kate Middleton. I watched some TikToks. If people don't know, which I actually believe it's possible that some people don't know, she was like not participating in some events and stuff. And so a bunch of theories started popping up asking, where is Kate? What happened to Kate? Is she dead? Did William cheat on her?

Is she leaving? All these conspiracy theories and all of this craziness. And then there was a picture that the firm put out. It was her with her children and it was photoshopped and people were like deep diving into the Photoshop and oh my gosh this is so clearly ridiculous and like she's definitely dead and then it came out on Friday that she has cancer. Like of course she does. Of course there's a reason she's not participating and it's none of anyone's business. I'm just like,

I feel like it's scary to be a public person. But isn't no one... Okay, I agree. I think we agree like 99%. I just think the like shaming of people who had theories or sort of expressing concern publicly. It wasn't concernless. It was gossip. Yes, but sending a photo that's edited to the AP and like to journalists and claiming that it like they're not supposed to do that. And again, the Royal Family, it's not like, oh, this is just a random celebrity like they're figures of state.

They do represent something and are expected to take part in certain activities. I'm not saying everything should have happened the way that it did. I think the Royal Family should have said something earlier. Like it would have been easy for them to just- But she probably didn't want to say anything earlier and she has that right. She has children. Young children.

Like you do have to remember that first and foremost these are real people. I don't think even a president, which by the way is not the royal family, that's more of a position where they're ruling and in charge. I don't think they a president, which by the way is not the Royal Family, that's more of a position where they're ruling and in charge. I don't think they're obligated to immediately upon diagnosis. But say something and don't send a Photoshopped photo to major news networks. I think everyone is at fault.

I don't think it's just people are crazy and people are unwell. There were things that the Royal Family did that were not helpful. Isn't every photo Photoshopped though like cleaned up But it was made they were weird ones, but it was like her Specific picture of her and the kids was it made I have no idea obviously But one of the things like the trees were like not the color it's like claiming that this photo is recent when it's not It's just stuff like that. They're like don't do that You know and I can't imagine what it's like to go through that in that kind of public position. But

I just think also, come on, it's the royal family. Like, of course, we're going to be skeptical of what they say. Should it have gone that far? No. The reason they did do that is because she just wasn't going to things. It wasn't that they were putting on a ton of Photoshop things. She had a surgery and she was recovering from it, which they said that clearly she is recovering from a surgery. They did try to tell the truth and she wasn't ready to come out publicly and say that she has cancer. So they did that out of desperation and I hope people felt bad. I really do. Do not make people's lives your specific entertainment unless it's like reality TV. If it's a reality TV show, I think awesome. You can talk about it

That's a buy-in people are choosing it but like leave people alone. I just think it's gotten really out of hand What's the parasocial? I think we need a new name. It's past that point It's really that we think we know these people and we almost spend more time talking about them and talking about our own lives Right or again, even with this JLo thing. Entertainment Tonight, I saw this TikTok thing. She talks about being from the Bronx a lot. And then there's a part of the documentary that people are sort of poking fun at where she talks about it again. And Entertainment Tonight took every time she spoke about the Bronx and did a supercut

of it after that clip, almost feeding the sort of commentary that's laughing at her always talking about being from the Bronx and people from the Bronx being like, we don't know you. That's the sort of discourse. But yes, people are participating in it and then get views and clicks. There's that element too. They get attention from coming up with the greatest conspiracy theory about me. Well, exactly. That's why it's predatorial because it's using somebody else for your own gain.

It's for, yes, it's for clicks, it's for likes, it's for like, what's the funniest thing I can say right now so I get the most attention at this other person's expense. It's a problem. I mean, I think it's a, I don't know, I just think it's bad. And I do think people who are like really happy are not doing it, are not posting and are not taking a bunch of glee in other people's follies. Anyway, that's my take on that.

But I have a more important thing to talk about, which is I learned that Sephora has same day delivery. They do? Yeah. They've always had it? I don't know if they've always had it, but they have it now. And it's a problem. Oh, what have you done?

I've ordered multiple things at multiple times and I just learned about it on like Thursday. I kind of have been on a Sephora. Have you found any new products? Should we do a new product? I mean, maybe. Wrap up? Actually, sure. But also I have something important also.

To talk about. But it's on par with Sephora same day. I can go into it later or we can talk about it later. Okay, we can put a pin in it. What's made you get into Sephora lately? Deep dive. Okay, so I kind of came across this video on my feed with this makeup artist that was like, here's how to do the lazy girl.

Like I needed that in my life. The lazy girl makeup. Yes. What I have right now. It looks great. Thank you. It's all of her stuff. Do you want to shout her out? Because I'm going to shout someone out. I don't remember her name. There's no way I remember her.

Basically, she said it was all about SPF foundation, whatever that product is. That's like, it gives you SPF, but it also is like a moisturizer. Oh, you mean like a little bit of a tint. A tinted moisturizer with SPF. That's great. Great. Thank you. So I've tried a lot of different ones but she recommended this brand.

Oh my god. I don't know. This is what's gonna happen. It's like purple and cute. Tatcha? Probably. Or Dr. Idris? No, I think it was that one you just said. Can you Google it? What is it? Of course, of course

This is important top touches T-a-t-c-h-a. Yeah, I think that's it. It's like a nice brand. Was it expensive? It's not that brand actually, but I do love that brand Damn it. Is it dr. Idris? No, it's purple. It definitely could have a T or D Was it tower 28? I think so. Yes, it's purple. Yep. Is have a T or a D. Was it Tower 28? I think so. Yes. It's purple. Yep. Is it this?

Yes. We figured it out. Okay. So I got that one and I like it. Okay. It stays on, but it's not too thick. It looks really nice. It's great. And then she talked about doing brows. Brows were very important and obviously you know that.

So she talked about a frozen brow gel. Oh, sure. Anastasia. Again. Or Anastasia or Anastasia Beverly Hills. Yes. So I got the Anastasia Beverly Hills brow freezer. And she talked about also how like you laminate and then you put... Anyway, she had like a whole little strategy technique. And then, interesting. So I never had a brow pencil.

But she said to like fill out. Yeah, what were you doing just leaving it? Kind of leaving it like, I don't know. I don't know what I was doing, honestly. You were going on that trip. I was going, I guess. But now that I'm filling them out, it's so much more fun. And then she also was like, add a little line with your brow pencil to give yourself like a little bit of an eye lift. Like, I like those little tips.

Sure. Because I would have never thought about doing that. And that's me. That's been my latest. Wow. You just stumbled upon it on TikTok or you sought it out. No, she came up on my feed and she was just like, here's how to do it.

There's a wealth of knowledge on TikTok about makeup. Yeah. It's a really it's kind of incredible like to think about how in the dark I was in my 20s. Or, like, I didn't know what I was doing. It was word of mouth. Oh, yeah. I mean... I mean...

What? Yeah. That was most things. God, the blue eyeshadow days. Were you a blue eyeshadower? I was a blue... I was a white line eyeliner, which that yikes. Although, sort of recently, I saw a white eyeliner in the water line. That was really nice. It was very brightening. I don't know if I've tried it, but I did get the liner.

I do nude down there, and it's really brightening. And that was like a makeup artist that told me to do that. And it makes a diff. What you been into? I went down a huge wormhole. Hung Vango. Do you know Hung Vango? Have you heard of him? He is a makeup artist here in LA. Well, I don't know if he's based here, but I think he is. He does like a ton of celebrities for red carpets and photo shoots. I don't know if you saw the Oscars. You did see the Oscars. And Jennifer Lawrence looks so good, right? She did.

She looks so beautiful. She did. And she looked like she wasn't wearing makeup. And Hung did her makeup. Wow. Yeah. He does Selena Gomez. He does a bunch of people. But he has videos on YouTube. He does tutorials. And every now and then I'll remember that he has those and I'll watch them. And it's so... It's like my cooking videos. I find it so

Soothing to watch and he always gives the models like a face massage with the moisturizer And I want that And he tries different products on different people So I watched so many makeup tutorials yesterday of Hung Vango, and then I kept buying stuff because I was like, oh, that looks pretty, and I would buy it, and I don't even know what I did. You don't know what you've been there.

It was like I was drunk, but I wasn't. I was totally sober. I've been there. I mean, online shopping, sometimes all of a sudden, it's just my cart is filled up, and I just close it. I mean, online shopping. Sometimes all of a sudden it's just my card is filled up and I just close it. I just close the window because I'm like, I don't know what just happened and then I'll freak out. But you didn't. You did the right thing and got it.

Well, we don't know yet. We don't know yet. And it's hard to... You know, I couldn't close out the browser because what was happening is I'd watch a video and then there'd be a product like there's this Chanel blush on one of them that looked beautiful and he said the thing I don't like about Chanel is that they discontinue their products a ton.

So like they're kind of all limited edition. I was like, oh fuck. So I of course bought it and then I go back to the video and I'm watching more and then maybe there's something at the very end and I'm like, oh, I want that. So then I'll go somewhere else and buy that. So I just don't know what I've done yet You know cuz it was like all day long was just random at different times. Okay, I bought this perfume It's Melon scene unsmelled unsmelled. Yeah

We did he talk about it or yeah, oh wow, but I trust him like I don't even know this guy But just based on what you've told me. No, he's very trusted. Yeah. Perfume is tricky, because like, everyone has different tastes, but it was like a blind trust. Oh, no. I have never regretted buying something. Me either. Me either. Like, come on.

But sometimes you will go and you will leave $300. Yes. Poor. Yes. It happens quickly. Okay. So one thing I bought. Yes. Poor. Yes. It happens quickly. Okay. So one thing I bought, this is bad. One thing I bought were these Shiseido cotton pads, basically.

That's ridiculous, right? Because they're expensive and they're basically cotton pads. They're just like a little nicer. They do feel really nice on the skin. But I thought I was buying single use, this is really bad, single use towels, basically, for my face. And I was never going to tell anyone in the whole world that I was buying that, because it's like so bad for the environment.

But then it wasn't that, it was just these cotton pads, and I was like, ugh, so I am still looking for single-use towels. And the thing is, I'm doing it. I know it's bad for the environment, but I need that to keep my skin clean because it's very volatile and it's been very volatile for the past couple months. I feel like I'm coming out of it

and I do think it was related to egg freezing. Because- Totally. Or months. Same thing happened after the last freezing. There is this six month period-ish of fine. And then I had a crazy couple months of major hormonal cystic acne flare up. And so the timing is adding up after my last retrieval for it to be the same thing. So I do think it's that.

I think I'm coming out of it. But still, I'm so paranoid. And I, you know Using all these fucking products and doing all this stuff and I need the clean towels But what is a single-use towel? Is it like it's kind of like a nice paper towel essentially single-use So there's like a box. Okay got it. So then when you're drying your face or like patting it dry You're not reusing your towel. I also heard recently that you're not supposed to use a're drying your face or like patting it dry, you're not reusing your towel. I also heard recently that you're not supposed to use a towel on your face.

I also on TikTok, which might be a lie, but that it's too rough for your face. Well, you're supposed to pat, do you pat dry or do you smash? Definitely smash. Liz, yeah, you're not supposed to smash. You're supposed to pat dry. And if you don't have very temperamental skin, which I don't feel like you do,

you have beautiful, wonderful, pretty consistently even skin, which I don't feel like you do you have beautiful wonderful pretty consistently No skin you're fine with a towel Okay, and I'm probably fine with the towel too But right now I think I need it and then I also remembered that I drink out of plastic water bottles pretty much all the time So then I wanted to ask you what are the like those are the two things that are sending me to hell, right? well Not really. Okay. So as your friend that I'm always gonna defend you Like those are the two things that are sending me to hell, right? Oh. Well, not re... Okay, so as your friend, I'm always going to defend you to the end of the world.

Eating meat, which you do. But I eat meat. Okay, it's not... You don't eat... You only eat it sometimes. You only eat half the chicken when you make it. So it's... So you waste it, which is even worse.

No, but you don't travel a lot. You don't go on private jets. I don't. Okay. You know, you could be doing far worse things. Look, I'm more worried about your health drinking out of plastic bottles. Oh, no, but I use Zen. It's a specific water brand and it doesn't have plastic leaching.

It doesn't have plastic, but still. Could you get like a water? Yes, of course. I could get anything. I have so many reusable water bottles and I won't drink water. Out of them? Yeah. Because...

It's just like not happening. Have you tried? Yes. Over so many years. And then I also like, then I feel guilty and then I'll try again and then no water, drink all day. Mentally for me, it makes such a big difference in my water intake. Oh, one other thing I hate like carrying around the huge fucking things of like Molly has

this huge water bottle. But that's not sustainable. And where do you put it? Like, I have, like, then it's like you walking around with it. It doesn't fit in my purse. What if we found you a tumbler that you really like that's very stylish? I also feel like there's definitely mold in these. Even when you wash them really well, if you smell them later, they smell.

And I use, like, a copper sponge. I don't trust it. in these, even when you wash them really well, if you smell them later, they smell. And I use a copper sponge. I don't trust it. But out of my coffee... Yes, you always have a mug. I do. I use mugs. I don't use plastic cups for my tea.

But I don't like using the top because I think that's where a lot of the moisture gets trapped and the germs happen. So I just carry it in this cup. But don't the germs get in then if it's just open? Doesn't that also? Well, no, that's just like drinking out of a mug. But it's like an open air container. If you're just concerned with germs,

then they just get in. I'm not concerned with germs as much as mold. The weird growths that happen. Your feeling about tumblers is how I feel about bottles of water. Like plastic, there's like a physical aversion to it. Well, that's good. But that's what we could build for you. What if we like found some data that showed that the plastic does something to

your brain because you're afraid of brain cancer. I am. But okay, if it was like there's a direct and a hundred percent like a hundred percent causation Caught can't be a corley. Okay. I might I've looked into this like it's not it's not Or it doesn't necessarily have to be like it could be liquid death, which is a can or it could be box water Which is paper. I just won't use a Reusable it's single use and so the single use issue is going to like, you know, it's gonna send me to hell. And look, I guess I'm gonna be fine with that. Well, a lot of people are gonna be there too.

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S-Y-N-C. What is sending you to hell? Oh, that's such a good question. What do you do? Like things like this that are very problematic. You know they're problematic. You know you're not supposed to do it, but you do it. Do you leave the water out when you brush your teeth?

I do. I do too. Because it makes me feel like it'll end quicker. Me too! Me too. Me too. I'm like, come on. I anticipated ending because of an electric, but then it like keeps going. I'm watching the water. I'm like, come on! I anticipated ending, because I have an electric, but then it keeps going,

I'm watching the water. I'm like, but it's over, it's over, it's over. And then it's not. And the temp, I need the temp to get warm for my face wash. So it's like the time I use for it to get warm, but I'm sure it's too long. We're so lucky. I mean, I have a fireplace in my room. It's an electric one, and I use it in the summer.

I put my hotel room at 80, and I don't put it down when I leave because I don't want it to be cold when I come back. Like, that's not good. That's going in my file. Well, I guess it's true. We are supposed to, like, energy save. It's very bad. My dad definitely thinks I'm going to hell for that. I know, but dads are like... Yeah, that's too conservative about it. My dad definitely thinks I'm going to hell for that. I know. But dads are like... Yeah. That's too conservative about it.

Do you think that if you're a single mom, like, you take on that role? Like, you're always monitoring the temperature? Like, do you have to take it on because there's no dad to do it? Yeah, I think so. Okay. I mean, you have so much on your plate as a single mom. Maybe you just say fuck it. Right.

But also as a single mom, you're paying for everything on your own. So the waste... Ew, what is on my hand? There was mud out there. I kind of almost... Is that mud? Probably. It splashed, I guess. Oh yeah, there's mud all over my shoes.

The fuck? No, there was like muddy... I don't know. Did it rain? I don't know why there was like kind of muddy. It rained yesterday. It did. Anywho, so that's it? No, there's stuff. Say it. I feel like this is bad.

In my 20s, I wasn't a home wrecker, but like there were situations that I was in that I regret. Sure, sure, sure. It's dark because it gave me such a bad outlook on marriage too. I was like, married guys are dicks. Pigs, yeah. Pigs, because they all want to fuck. Yeah. Not all, obviously, but like so many of them on a dime, you're like, wow.

And so I regret just being like a weird participant in that. I think I'm going to hell for that for sure. Now let's turn the tables. I think that's like something to learn from, obviously, in life. But I don't think you're going to hell for that. I think that's a very human learning lesson. Not for everyone. Not everyone has to learn it. But a lot of people do of like, this approval feels really good.

Yeah. And it feels really good because it's like, well, if they like me and they really shouldn't like me, I must be so likeable and lovable. Right, that's a good point. You only need that if you feel so lacking in that. And there was an element where like, it was also perfect for me,

because I was like, I'm just this thing you can't have, and like this like thing of desire, and I don't have to like hear about your problems with your mom and see you take out the guard. Like it was a very, it allowed me to kind of avoid intimacy. I didn't do it like, but I did it more like, more than I feel proud of, or I feel proud for zero of it. But just allowed even flirtations to go, right?

Like even if nothing happened. Like, ew, that's low quality, Liz. We do things in our 20s that are dumb. What's the dumbest thing you did in your 20s? That's such a broad question. I was in college, like we did so much crazy stuff. I don't know, other than like the usual. Just like drinking a ton and driving, I think I'm sure.

Although I actually think when I was in my 20s, I was much more cautious of those types of things than I am now. Which is weird. Drinking and driving was instilled as the worst thing. So when I was early into my drinking days, and because it was always binge drinking, so there was no option to drive. Or I guess some people did, but it wasn't like, maybe I can swing it because we're so drunk.

But now, there's a weirder fine line where it's like, well, how many drinks before I'm drunk is or not even drunk, but before I'm like even crossing a legal limit. I don't know. I do want to test that actually. I want to get a breathalyzer and see how many like glasses of wine before I am past the legal limits. I don't know that about myself. And you're so little.

I am little, but I have a high tolerance. It's true. I've never seen you... Wait, this is crazy. I've never seen you drunk. Actually. Really? I've never seen you drunk. I've seen you, like, loosen up. Yeah, happy.

But I've never seen you drunk. Even on your birthday. You weren't drunk. What do you qualify as drunk? Like, sloppy? Like, it reaches, reaches like a limit. Like you're just being goofy. I feel like I've never seen you like goofy, silly drunk. Or maybe I was drunk too, but I don't remember. No.

We've never gotten drunk. Yeah, I've never seen you drunk, but you stopped drinking like quickly. I know. Just, you know, I ruined it for you. When have we drank together? Well, we would drink a lot with dinners and stuff like that. We would go for wine. Oh, yeah. When I was drinking, we would, I lot with dinners and stuff like that. We would go for wine. Oh, yeah. When I was drinking, we would...

I was like, when I'm with Monica, I'm drinking. So we would drink. But for me, like two or three glasses is a lot. Because I'll feel it the next day. I feel like you never, even when we... When you were drinking, you never like really drank more than one. I would try and keep it to one or two. Yeah.

But I would often drink more than one because I was try and keep it to one or two. Yeah. But I would often drink more than one because I was with you. No, but like it was fun. I feel bad. Don't. Maybe this will send me to hell. But this is actually, it won't because I think people are making their own decisions. Yes, of course, dudes.

We had this running gag of like when I would look at my bank, I knew when I was with you. Because I would just be like, oh my God, all this funny I'm spending. But again, like it would be so fun and I would love the time we spent together. I think we should get drunk together. I think you should know I'm pretty fun. I think we should do it. Well, you tell me, you're the one who's not drinking.

I drink pretty regularly, so this is really on you. How many drinks does it take to be drunk? I think it depends on the alcohol and it depends on how long I've abstained. Okay. I'm trying to think the last time. I mean, like, I've been drunk with Anna and Jess many times. Like when we go to Forman's and play poker,

and then we go to Don Cucco's and have burrito, like it's a whole thing. I'm definitely drunk by the end of that often. And do you ever get like impulses to do things like when you're drunk? Like do you ever like impulses to do bad things? No. Like what? Like jump in a hole?

Like what? Text someone you're not, you're like, or you know, say something that has been on your mind and then it comes out. I actually do think when I am drinking, I think I've hurt people's feelings. Well, I know I have. Like one time... They've told you. Yeah. One time was a full disaster. Not that long ago, actually. Well, it wasn't a full disaster, but it was... I just said my truth.

Oh, that's usually a good thing. Yes, it is, though. It is a good thing. This person was also drunk. That's the thing. Everyone's drunk and everyone's drunk in a different way. If I'm in like, I'm gonna share my truth, and they are in a, like, emotional headspace, it's not a good match. But there were other people there that validated my thought.

What did you say? What did you do? Oh, God. Okay. So bad. And it's extra bad because I don't feel that bad about it. Okay. Okay, it was somebody's birthday. God! Me telling the story is complex

because there's a huge history. Got it. There was an ask of me that I felt was too much, and it wasn't too much, but it was a part of this history we have, where it was building for me already, where I felt like the asks were becoming too much in general, and that there was a little bit of a,

I felt a little bit of an entitlement around me and what I was giving. Oh. So then I like snapped in that moment because when you're drunk, you can't really control yourself. And so that's how it happened. And then they cried and a couple other people were there and they were also kind of fighting. Oh, amongst themselves. Yes. And so the whole, like, it was a bit of a disaster.

Wow. It was like a talk, like a, like a eight year old's birthday party. Like everyone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And or a, ew, there's a dingleberry on here. On the mic. Why is there dirt everywhere? I don't understand. Sick. So close to that dingleberry for itself. Ew. Why didn't you tell me? I don't understand. Sick. So close to that dingleberry for itself.

Ew! Why didn't you tell me? I can't see that. Okay. This is another reason I'm going to help. This is for sure. What? Not dingleberries.

I don't tell people. When they have something in their teeth or on their face or I don't. I just look down. If you see me looking down, there's probably something going on with your face. You wouldn't tell me if I have like a green. I want to, but I can't. Yeah, yeah. I say it one out of four times.

If there are other people around, the responsibility is completely diffused. Yeah, it's not on you. Okay, if I'm about to go somewhere and then I have something green, would you tell me? Oh. Monica. I hope, I hope.

I don't want to promise you because I'm just not so sure. If I was going on a date, you have to. OK, I would. If you were going on a date, I'm pretty sure I would. Come on. OK, what if I had like period blood on my pants? Oh. Going on a date or reg?

Reg. I probably wouldn't say it. Monica! What? What? I know. I probably wouldn't say it. Monica! What? What? I know, I don't know what it is. Dude, that's like a feminism faux pas. You have to tell any woman, even if you're your arch enemy has period blood.

I'm never telling my nemesis. I'm just kidding. You must. That will get you straight to hell. I know. You know. That's what... That'll get you straight to hell. I know. You know what? This is horrible. I'm probably more likely to tell a stranger.

Interesting. Or a nemesis. I think there's something about like, I can't have you feel embarrassed right now. I get that. I do. And I don't think people feel that embarrassed around strangers. You feel more embarrassed around people you know. Interesting. What if it's a family member?

Like if it's my dad and he has food in his teeth, yeah, I'll tell him. Okay. So it's just the friend zone. I guess. Wow. My God, you wouldn't tell me about period one. Maybe I would. Maybe I would. Maybe I would. I've never been in that position, so I don't know. Maybe I would. How would you say it? Let's role play. It's me who has it. Okay.

Plop, plop. Monica, you have appeared. I would, there would be no. You would say it like that? I would be like, I would, because it's also. You wanna get it. You wanna get it, we need to have you changed right away. We gotta find you pants.

We're gonna figure this out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, we got a situation. Would you say period blood? You would say it like that? Well, if it's, or I would say like there's blood on your pants. Oh, that's better. Yeah, there's blood on your pants.

Because it could belong to your knee or murder. Yeah, they're just anything. Or murder. And then I say, okay, I guess I should tell you. So you would tell me in a murder situation, you don't want to tell me about period blood on my pants. No, I think I would. You would. I think you would. I think I would, but I am being very honest with you. I won't about the food.

Unless you're going on a date, I guess that's like a different scenario. I've never been in that position. Right. Okay. Tell me. I feel scared to say it. Say it. Say it.

But I was in a situation sort of recently that's been haunting me where I was with a friend and I feel like I can't say it. You have to. You did your laugh face that's like, I know this is going to be so good. You're going to start crying. It's really bad. Okay. And they were a little sick. And this person coughed. They like turned to cough. It's like with the V8. There's no reason to be laughing.

Monica's crying right now. Okay. So when they turned back around, they had like... Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! You didn't tell me! Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Hold on. Hold on. Hold on, hold on. Okay, they had something on their face. Like flammie, phlegm. On their face. But also, we were eating, so I didn't know if it was phlegm or if there was just like food. Oh my god. There was Thomas. Oh my god.

It couldn't have happened. No. Anyway. I was just like, oh my God. There was Thomas. Oh my God. It couldn't have happened. No. Anyway, I didn't know. I didn't know. But I just went to the bathroom.

Oh, that's helpful. Yes, because it was helpful. You know why? Because I went to the bathroom. When I came back, gone. Wow. I think that was the best thing to do because that person can go on in life thinking maybe I just didn't see it and that they themselves caught it before anyone saw.

But okay, what would this have been onto you? It really has. Because I keep thinking about it. Like I get like, I have PTSD from it. Yeah, war flashbacks. Yes. I'll get like a flash of their face with the thing on it. I know I should have said something, I think.

So it is haunting me. It seems like it ended well. It did end well, but like, was it the right move? I don't know. Okay. Where was the phlegm? It was on their face. Like on the cheek or something.

Yeah. Like right in the middle. Yeah. Like on the cheek. It's really embarrassing. It is. It's so embarrassing. Like I couldn't handle that. It was just like, I gotta escape this right now.

Right, right, right, right. Okay, this is what I would do. I would grab a Kleenex or like a napkin. I'd be like, oh, you have a little something. That's the move. You have a little something here means you have a booger like in the middle of your face. Because if it was hummus, I would say, oh, you have hummus. But if someone says you have a little something here means you have a booger like in the middle of your face. Oh. Because if it was hummus, I would say, oh, you have hummus. But if someone says you got a little

something here and they do it, that means there's something embarrassing happening. It's like a euphemism. Okay. But then are you just handing them a tissue? You could do that. You could be like, oh, you have a little something. But I would probably just wipe it. That you would. Unless it's like a work dinner. Or like a work lunch. If it was you, I'd just start laughing. No. It's so funny. You have a blur on your face.

No. See, this is why I'm going to Helen and Wyatt Supercritical. Because I, of course, am like, you better fucking tell me immediately. We're not friends if you don't. So I understand being on the receiving end and feeling like, you've got to. But I don't know what happens in the moment. I feel paralyzed. Yeah happens in the moment. I feel paralyzed.

Yeah, I get it. That's why I asked about your parents, because I feel like that was a big trigger for you being embarrassed. And so it's probably that. But you don't have it with your parents because you're close. But maybe there's remnants of that feeling. Maybe.

And I hate embarrassment so much. So maybe I'm projecting it. Well, you're feeling embarrassed because also... I'm secondhand embarrassed. You're secondhand embarrassed and you are now part of the phlegm situation. Because it's a two... Again, if there's more people at the table, you can diffuse responsibility like, okay, someone else is going to tell her.

But you in that situation, it's on you. The phlegm is on me. You've been involved. I mean, you're an accomplice. You're implicated. You're an implicated agent. And so you are put in this situation where you're like, neither option is good, right?

You're either sitting there while they have the phlegm on their face. I know. That's where you go away. But what if you had come back and it was still there? I know. Well, I was so worried about that. I was like, what am I going to do if it's still there? And if it was still there, I think I would have had to say something. But it was like probably a full minute

before I went to the bathroom. There was time where it was a sitting on the face. Oh my God. And I thought maybe they'll figure it out and they weren't. So then I had to go to the bathroom. That's why like I get so stressed with swimming with people. Oh, because boogers. Because there's booger. Or like it'll happen to you and you don't know I know I know at synchronized swimming

Did you guys just have boogers everywhere? We had nose clips at all times, which honestly how do we breathe? You don't that's why it's crazy. Wait what you don't know this No, that's the whole sport. You go underwater, you're not breathing. You come up, you breathe with your mouth, but you're not breathing with your mouth. At all underwater? No.

How did you think we breathe underwater? You do breathe underwater normally when you swim. You breathe out your nose until you need more air. Breathe out, but not breathe in. Yeah, breathe out. Okay, yeah, yeah. You breathe out with your mouth if you want. With your mouth? How? Like bubbles, but you don't really yeah, yeah. You breathe out with your mouth if you want. With your mouth?

How? Like bubbles. But you don't really, you're not really breathing out because you're fucking... Oh my God. How long can you hold your breath? Kind of a long time. Wow. But it used to be way better.

Wow. Cool. We could do it together. No. Okay, wait. Before we go into questions, my pen. Oh, your pen. Oh my God. I'm so sorry. No. wait, before we go into questions. Oh, your pan. Oh my God.

I'm so sorry. No, there's been a lot to cover. So my dad discovered a new relative. That's my dad's favorite hobby and his retirement is discovering relatives. And guess from history. This is all he does all day. It's crazy. We laugh at him like I talk to dead people.

Like that's my dad. He's just like constantly talking to dead people and interacting and discovering them and learning about them And there's a new relative and her name is Monica and she is a therapist. Oh Who lives in London? She's divorced which could be aspirational for you. Oh god. Is this my future? Is this another rip in the time space continuum? I do feel it's weird It's Monica because it's like the Hungarian way. My dad was like, it's Monica. Like, he like said it and me and my sister were just laughing.

We were like, it's Monica. Like, it's so funny. Like, you're not acknowledging how funny this is. How do you spell it? That's a good question. Oh my god, 1111. Stop. And my text, 3333.

What is happening? Monica with a K, Bacone, and her mother, Irene, LGBT, Plank. LGBT is Elizabeth. Oh, is she dead? Monica's alive. Her mom is dead. Elizabeth is dead. Oh no.

It's all good. Okay. So she's a therapist. Is your dad reaching out? Of course he is. That's all he wants in life. Really? Writing emails back and forth of Monica.

And that's all I know so far. It's very new. Oh my god. So do we think we're gonna learn about my future based on her? For sure. I think there's gonna be a lot of information coming through this channel. This is so sim because Callie had a dream a couple nights ago that I ended up with a British person. What? For real. No. No.

Yeah. Wait, I love this. I know, but I, you know, I notoriously, I love London. It's one of my favorite cities, but a lot of Americans are obsessed with British accents. It's true. A lot of American women are obsessed with male British accents. I mean, of course. Like immediately attracted to.

Immediately. Not me. Wow. I don't have that. It's not my thing. Normally. I told her, you know, that's not likely for me. And she was like, I know, but it's going to happen.

Wow. Then I thought maybe they were born in London but moved to America. I feel like that's what's going to happen for you. That'd be cool. That makes a lot of sense. But then we move to London together for like a fun country home and then we get divorced and I become a therapist? Yes.

I mean, would that be that bad? And that sounds cool. It sounds pretty great. Or maybe it's not your future. Maybe this is who you could have been. Or another me. Another life. Yeah.

Just like the girl in the Indian restaurant. She's also you. Wow, that's so special. I wanna know more about her. I'll find out everything. This is my dad's entire love language and I never care, but now I'm infested. And in this other, are you my mom?

Yeah, that's a weird one. Why is your mom Elizabeth? I don't think that's our relationship. No, at all. I think it's the other way around. I don't think anyone's the mom. No, at all. I think it's the other way around. I don't think anyone's the mom. I don't either. But you're definitely the bigger sister.

Even though you're younger. Oh, yeah. I think that's right. I'm glad we don't have a... That's a dynamic that I feel like I've been in. And it's creepy. It's bad. Yeah.

And even with boyfriends, one of my ex-boyfriends, I was like, okay, this is getting dad territory. So I'm glad we don't have that. It starts to feel unequal in a way. There's a power dynamic. There's a person that's in charge. Sure. There's a person that's calling all the shots.

Calling de facto is the authority a little bit. Yeah, oh, that's interesting. But I think I indulged in I'm the Kid too. Everyone played their part. Exactly. I think I liked that. I've had that, too. You have?

It can be not great. Yeah. Also, I think the times where it's not great is when you break the paradigm. When you're the kid, but then in a situation you're like, well, not a kid. You break it, you become real life. That's hard for the dynamic and that's hard for the other person. It is. And when that happened with me, explosion. And mom is mad.

Like, I did something bad. But thankfully, I think when I saw it, I mean, it took me a while, but got out of it. I look out for it. When I'm playing that part, I'm like, why am I... Yeah, what's happening? I do think because you are so nice, you defer a lot to people.

Sure. So I would see that being a common trap for you. Interesting. Because you often give people, not power, I mean I do think sometimes you give people power, but you're just easy going. I think you just defer a lot. Yes, that's true.

It's a great quality, honestly. You're very, like at your birthday dinner, someone said, you lift everyone up around you That's very true. Like you're kind of constantly trying to lift people up, which is so lovely But then I don't know that you necessarily get all that back because that's not everyone's MO sure You deserve to get it back. Thank you, but I hope I don't expect it back I'm not like doing it so that I get all this validation It doesn't feel like a transaction like it doesn't feel like you're saying it in order to hear something.

But you might be doing it as what you think is your, like, value add. That's true. Even though it's not. Thank you. And again, I think it attracts a certain personality. People who like to feel... Elevated. Yeah, elevated and I'll probably be a good foil to that, at the beginning at least.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Wowie. Okay, we got to do questions and we don't have much time. For usual. Oh my God, the Booker story. I'm going to think about it tonight.

Oh my God, I feel like I just like laughed and like snotted. No, you didn't. You're so soft. Oh my God, do you see it? I would tell you and you don't. Hmm. Okay, let's try this. Is the best sex of my life worth forcing a relationship with? This from anonymous. Hey ladies, I've been casually seeing this man for just less than a year now and it is truly by far the best sex I've had in my life.

Not only is it satisfying in a way I've never experienced, but I have some sexual relationship trauma that makes it really difficult for me to feel this level of trust with the man. Basically it's so good that I'm afraid to lose it and because we're essentially just fuck buddies, he could meet someone else tomorrow. He's also perfect on paper, gorgeous, amazing body, med student, soon-to-be doctor, kind, hard-working, silly, and we're both children of Asian immigrants, which is just exciting for the parents, lol, but also we share a culture. Unfortunately, we just don't click in regular conversation. It's almost

awkward before we have sex, but then the sex is amazing and then the vibes after sex is great. On top of that, I don't feel ready to get back into a relationship quite yet, but I do feel myself catching some feels. Do I try to make this work or do I chill? This is mixed messages. Yeah. Because the vibes are good after but not before. It's not like the vibes are off, period. And he sounds so great. But look, it doesn't matter on paper. That's true.

As we've learned many times. It's not just that they seem great. They are great. But if it doesn't click, unfortunately, it's not a match. It's frustrating, but you have to listen to how you feel. Okay, here's what I'll say. I think don't force a relationship just because he's like, write on paper and the sex is good,

but keep hanging out with him and having sex with him. See if that changes. And if he does get in a relationship, what I would do immediately is like, oh, fuck, he was perfect for me. He was my person. He was the one, and I fucked it up. And that's not true. You have to remember this, that like you guys didn't talk well together.

Talking is the whole relationship. A marriage is a 40 year conversation, right? Like it's just, I would do the same thing, and I've done it, and it's, you can kind of gaslight yourself, but it's not true. And also if the sex is that good, and you're not like, you know what I mean? Then you were really not into it. Because that should be filling up a lot of the condom.

I agree with you. If by now you've had a lot of sex with him and the conversation should follow easily. And so I agree with you. If it doesn't. And if you want to find out, and go to brunch try not to have sex Once do something that's not sex related and then you'll know Immediately like they've seen this guy once and like same similar thing and we just went on a hike or something and just being in A car with him for like 90 minutes. I was like I knew in my body I don't like this person like it was the same thing where on paper he was, I mean, it was kind of nuts. I still sometimes I go like, I feel like that was supposed to be my husband, but...

See? You're like, don't do that. I know, I know, I know, I know. But there was like a disconnect that was just not overcomeable. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. You know, there are people you meet in life, like you to me, where relationships are work, right? But the initial part is not work.

It's immediate connection for its point. That's true. I know what it's like to have a connection with someone. And so in romantic relationships, we do so much mental gymnastics to try to make it work. And we're like, well, I'm going to go on like six more dates with him and then decide if I have a...

All the other areas of our lives, we aren't doing that. You just know. Yes. And you just hang out with people that you like and you don't hang out with people that you don't like. It's like we put it in a separate category and we treat it completely differently. And my therapist has done that with me, where she was like, this sounds like a lot of work. Think about the relationships in your life that you really enjoyed. Do you feel like you have to do so as much work? And I was like, no, that's a really good exercise. And it's been a long time.

This isn't like, it's been a few weeks. Just keep having sex with him until he or you get in a different relationship. Exactly. Enjoy him. Sounds great. And remember that thing Esther Perel says all the time, like people serve different buckets for you. This person is filling a sexual need, which is great.

Very important. Doesn't have to serve anything other than that. And women, like, we have a tendency to want to... It's like almost like, I don't think it's nature necessarily. I think it's both, where you want to turn sex into... You're like, oh, but you don't have to. And men's brains don't work that way. They just go like, great.

Sex is great. Oh, no. This one's hard. It's bad. Okay, I'm going to save this one, because this one is more intense. Are we 11.30? Yeah, but he's still pumping, it sounds like. Okay, let's try.

Okay, going on a girls trip without one of my friends, should I tell her ahead of time? This is from McKenna. Hi Monica and Liz, long time listener, first time caller. I've talked to my mom, best friend, and therapist about this and I still feel conflicted, so I'm hoping the SYNC Squad can help. I'm 29 years old and I'm from a small town in central California but I moved

to Montana for college and I've lived here ever since. I've made a really amazing group of close friends here and next month we're going on a trip to my hometown in California. I'm really excited to show them where I come from, introduce them to my friends back home and generally give them a better sense of who I am and that part of my life. I just have one problem. Uh oh. Okay. Okay, we'll save it. Clip hanger?

Yeah. Wow. Clip hangers are fun. We've done it. Okay. I like it. We have to go, because we're on a tight sketch today, and we're about to start a fact check, and then we're recording.

So that's a clip hanger for the sink spot. Sorry, I hate to do that That's a good one And there's another really good one that we can sink our teeth into but we had a lot to talk about Flem What's sending us to hell? These are all important topics your double slash? We all know I don't learn more of I'm scared of her a little bit I mean if Elizabeth is her mama, I would be scared too. She's not related to this story. I don't like that because she died.

Who died? Elizabeth. So I don't want her to be you. Okay, got it. It's Hungarian. It's not even my name. When you said it, it didn't sound anything like Elizabeth. Say it again.

Erzsébet. Right. That's not the same as Liz at all. Okay. We also didn't pick our new challenges and I haven't reached out to Adam Grant yet. Lots of homework. But we will get it all done, I promise. Take your time in life.

Nothing's that urgent. Exactly. If it's important, it's not urgent. If it's urgent, it's not important. Wow. Wait, I said that wrong. I said it wrong. If it's important, it's not urgent.

And if it's important, it's urgent. And if it's urgent, it's not important. Yeah, you said it right. Okay, I did. And I've never heard that. It's a really good one. I like that. I know.

I like wrote it in my notes app because I was like, that is so true. Cool. Okay. Well, this was really fun. I love you. Love you. Bye.