Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Teddy Swims

Episode Date: July 29, 2024

Teddy Swims (I’ve Tried Everything but Therapy) is a singer-songwriter. Teddy joins the Armchair Expert to discuss growing up in small town Georgia, meeting Dave Chappelle, and having to learn to not come on too strongly to people. Teddy and Dax talk about how important personal relationships are to him, being surrounded by sweet men in his life, and when he started getting tattoos. Teddy discusses his relationship with how he looks, mistaking familiarity with comfort and love, and celebrating pain and agony in music. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Doug Barrington and I'm joined by Lily Padman. Welcome, I'm Lily Padman and you're Doug Barrington. I wanna be, I wanna be. Doug Lyman? Michelle, no. What if it was Doug Barrington and Doug Lyman? I wanna be Michelle Montana, do you know why?

Tell me. Because my first street in LA was Barrington Avenue and you lived off Montana. I didn't live, I wish I lived off Montana. You lie. No, that's where the rich people lived. You told me you lived off Montana. No, I didn't.

In Santa Monica. No, I lived off of Broadway, in between Broadway and Santa Monica Boulevard. Montana's where the nice people live. I guess I'll be Michelle Broadway then. There you go, Michelle Broadway. That sounds slutty. I grew up on Barrington.

You were Doug Barrington. Yeah, right, right, right. And so I will be Michelle Broadway, Montana hyphen. Michelle Broadway. Okay, great. We sorted it out. I wonder if you're listening, you're like, you guys, it's time to hang up.

Just say your names and get out. That would be a fair, would that be a fair criticism? No. Okay. Okay, Michelle. Michelle's got boundaries. Yeah, she does. And I respect them.

One of her boundaries is Broadway, which runs east and west in Santa Monica. I wouldn't mind having a... Pseudonym? Not, what's the other word for it? Numb to ployous? No, it's like persona, but... Alter ego?

Alter ego, thank you. That's the word I'm looking for. An alter ego, Michelle Broadway Montana. Oh, you're adding all of them now. Yes, she's hyphened, hyphenated. Because she came from a family where the mother refused to give up her name. The mother was stubborn.

Yeah, so I love her. I wanna be her. Yeah, okay. I'm gonna be her. Yeah, so I love her, I wanna be her. Yeah, okay. I'm gonna be her. Great, Michelle Montana Broadway, Broadway Montana. This is what happens when you hyphenate people. Yeah, that's y'all's fault. As long as I get bold names in there, you should be happy.

No! Why'd the order matter? You're saying one order is better than. What if we said Dax Shepard Randall? Great, enjoy. Okay, I will. We have a sweet boy on today. Sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet boy.

His name is Teddy Swims, but I think it should be Teddy Sweets. Oh yeah, I like that. He's so sweet. He's so fucking sweet. Yeah, this was fun. It's so talented. Yeah, outrageous.

Outrageous, raw. You, of course, like everyone else, fell deeply in love. From his last album, I've tried everything but therapy among those songs. I lose control. He's so fucking good, but mostly he's a sweet, sweet boy. Please enjoy Teddy Montana Broadway Swims. We are supported by Squarespace.

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Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for back to school. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate. And clothes you buy me this year will be very small very soon plus the clothes I love today will be out of style tomorrow but at least your wallet doesn't have to be my fashion victim if you shop low prices for school at Amazon hopefully this is helpful Amazon spin less small more He's an armchair expert. He's an armchair expert. He's an armchair expert.

Getting a car lift going, I see, man. That's sick. Oh, thanks for noticing. I mean, you would understand. This is a dream of all dreams. Yeah, hell yes, brother. That fucking car lift in my garage. Hell yeah, brother. That's awesome. Some horsepower sitting on it. That's just lift in my garage? Hell yeah, brother, that's awesome. A horse power sitting on it? That's what you like to see, baby. Success, baby, we love to see it.

I gotta take you in a little bit. This would be really inappropriate if you were a female guest, but I'm gonna let my eyes start at your toes and I'm gonna follow your legs up very slowly. I'm gonna look at every... Do a body scan? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm immediately curious who some of these portraits are of. So let's start on your left leg there. Who's that gentleman? Okay, this guy is Chris Farley dressed as Han Solo. Oh my God, incredible. Wonderful, wonderful. And I got a little Dave Chappelle right here. Oh, we love Dave.

He's the best. Have you met him and got to show him your thigh? Yeah, I didn't get to show him the thigh. I got to go to his Grammy party and he was doing this kind of like open jam thing. And I got to go up there and sing and it was so sick, man. Thunder Cat was playing bass, Corey Henry's on the keys. It was the coolest shit ever. Oh yeah.

Audra Day got up and sang. It was just star-studded over there, man. So I got to go up there and meet him. Does he make you nervous? He was already like three sheets to the wind and inviting people up. And he was like, Teddy, everybody says you're awesome. Let's fucking hear what this is about. And so I was like, dude, I got a tattoo of you on my leg right here.

I was going to just drop Trow in front of him, you know? I was like, if I was in shorts at the time, but I was already in my suit, so it would have been like awful to just, look at this, bro. Yeah, it would have been a lot of production. He would have known for a while what was coming. It's better to have drawstring on and just drop.

Yeah, exactly, baby. He makes me nervous. I'm saying that I haven't even met him, but I know he would make me nervous. You're intimidating. I'm very intimidating. I was thinking I was going to be... I think it was just the environment.

If it was just me meeting him, like, walking into his house or something to do something like this, I would probably be freaking the fuck out for sure, you know? But it was just such a big party going on, so it was easy to just like, hey, man, and I got called up the stage to sing I immediately knew I was gonna crush that that's the gift you have I don't I don't have anything to come wow him with right. I think the reason he intimidates me It's anyone that I've labeled so cool. It's not like talent

I've met a lot of talented actors, but it's the cool factor. I'm like I feel so fucking dorky around this guy That's how I felt meeting John Mayer. That is the coolest fucking guy I've ever met. He's just cool as hell. I know a lot of things must bug that guy. I mean, he's got problems, surely, but he just looks like he's just the coolest. Like nothing gets by him. He just looks like he's fucking chill

and you're talking to him, asking questions. I just keep asking questions. I was like, dude, if I'm wearing you out, please let me know, because I just was like, what about this? What about this? How about this record? Puppy energy.

I could not stop. Now you gotta help me understand because and this is not shade to John Mayer. Truly I think he's talented and everything. I wouldn't be intimidated at all. I don't think he was the dude in my high school. I was like hey what are you guys doing after school? What is it about him? Is it the career? Is it the laundry list of A-list dating partners he's had? What's in the mix? When I was first coming up playing and singing and stuff, from Room for Squares on, he's just always been one of the guys for me. Everything he's done too has been completely alone.

I'm a huge collaborator when it comes to writing and using my guys to write and play and he's done everything by himself. That level of trust you have in yourself to write the good thing and not have any outside opinion and to nail hits after hits after hits and never listen to a label to say, oh, we gotta do this more poppy,

or go into this side, or pitch you a record and say, how about this little shit pop record, you know? And he just doesn't seem like he's ever quite given in to anybody else's opinions. His integrity is just firm. His conviction and self-confidence is the thing you have. Yeah, it's crazy. I also find that musicians in particular

really do respect him. He's the musician's musician, the artist's artist, but also has the hits. Whatever thing about trying to be like a big artist, you can do it the John Mayer way and really never give up your integrity and make things that are good for artists to listen to, singers to listen to, players to listen to,

but also still get a number one slot by doing that. And I think he's what that is for me versus like, I'll take the shitty record and I know this is gonna be the number one single. I try to avoid those at all costs and just try to do it the way that makes me feel like my integrity is intact. The mayor method.

Yeah, the mayor method. The John Mayer method. Absolutely. You should write a book called The Mayor Method. But we do have to take what you just said with a grain of salt because we met one time recently and you claimed that Without a Paddle was a seminal movie in your life,

and that I was very a part of your childhood. So we need to just qualify that. I think that's a good counterbalance. Dude, I love you, and I'm so glad to be doing this now. Me too. Because it came in hot, dude. As soon as I saw you standing there watching me, I was like, Dax, Dax, Dax, dude, I love you, bro.

You're my fucking hero, dude. I loved it so much, because what you were helping me through was I was having a moment where I was like, man, I am 49, everyone here is young, everyone knows what's happening. I'm starting to not know what's happening. And then I see you and I'm like, this motherfucker, whoa, there was a great conversation I had

and needs to be said. This is with another gentleman and he said, just wait till you hear him sing, he's gonna blow you away. And then you finished and I was like my god you were right that just fucking Incredible so then I'm thinking like god. I'm so asleep on this genius now mind you when I hear the song I know the fucking song I just didn't put it together right away And then I'm like in the shame spiral that I'm so disconnected and then you came up and you were so kind to me

And I was like oh look., I still have a place here. You actually made my whole night. Always, dude, always. I'm glad to hear that, man. That makes the world of me. It was really a lovely moniker. It was a Spotify party, we were both there. We were hosting it.

I have no excuse to be out of the loop, so I'm embarrassed for sure, but I was like, I don't know him. And then you started singing and we were both like, oh my God. Yes, that's just good. It actually fills you with deep shame that you're not onto it.

Yeah, totally. I'm glad to hear that, but not the shame part. I love that. I'm grateful that there's always ways to get out there. And you hear it firsthand. And I think that's the most beautiful thing that we try to do is just every place we can be, whether it's a 200 cap or anywhere.

Yeah, we were like 12 feet away. If we wanted to rush the stage and stab you or something, you were very vulnerable to our attacks. We were very close. We were. Yeah, I was quite moved by the whole thing. And I'm just like you, I will go out and let it rip on people. If I see someone I like, I'm like, buckle up.

If I'm too much for somebody, then they're just not for me, is what I think. I come on hard and strong and fast, and I'm just like, I love ya. One thing I've been trying to learn in my love life is to not do that. You kissed me once? Are we in love forever? Oh, I've had to stop doing that. That's been a long learning lesson, but you know, we take it slow in the current relationship of a man. It's been really rewarding. I think there'll be an explanation for that as we walk through your whole life.

Yeah, probably. I can relate. Big time. Georgia, you're with a fellow. I'm from Georgia. Oh, right on. Where from? Duluth. Yeah, a. I can relate, big time. Georgia, you're with a fellow. I'm from Georgia. Oh, right on, where from? Duluth. Yeah, a lot of my homies are from Duluth. You know Duluth.

I sure do. I've been constructing a mental image of it for the last 10 years we've been friends. I have yet to go, but I've heard so many details. Is it a haven of malls? There's a good amount of malls. A lot of them have shut down during the pandemic and stuff, and I think some are making their way back.

I'm actually going back on Friday. My aunt's getting married in Monticello. It's going to be a hilarious wedding. So she's marrying this lady and I'm ordaining the wedding and I'm going to be doing it on the dock. And I think they're rolling up on a jet ski. This sounds like something out of Eastbound and Down. It's going to be absolute white trash wedding.

It's going to be sick. Anytime the bride and bride arrive on a jet ski, you're seeing something special. Steam pump theme they said. I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna wear. What does that even mean? Yeah, how does one dress for steam punk? I mean, Rob would have a great answer.

What should he be in? Suspenders, leather pants. But it's like gears and stuff. Yeah, yeah. And mechanical things added to that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my god. Almost Mad Max-y. Yeah, yeah, that kinda thing.

Oh, that kind of thing. Oh, that'll be fun. Have you started writing the, not your nuptials, but your ceremony? No, but I got a caller eventually and asked like, what do you wanna do? Are you guys just trying to fly through this thing? Or do you want me to do some scripture or something?

Cause you never know, sometimes people want, even if they're not Christian, they want some Jesus-y part of it. Now listen, I'm gonna advise you to prepare basically two versions of this because you have to account for the fact There's at least a 15% chance one of them will sustain a pretty serious injury pulling up Because jet skis are highly unpredictable and they often end in failure So you need to have one that's like let's get this done because the ambulance is waiting

They made the perfect entrance they docked it beautifully, it didn't tip over, no one's wet, let's settle in. And we're probably gonna have to cut from the video where I'm trying to pull them off on the. Yeah, you might want to wear life preserver. Yeah. As far as your steampunk routine. Maybe make it look like a bulletproof vest or something.

Yeah. Try to go for that kind of look. 50 cents slash, wow, buoyancy compensator. Yeah. I'm trying to go for that kind of look. 50 cents slash wow buoyancy compensator. Oh man. Okay, so tell me about Conyers, Georgia. Oh man, I wouldn't say it's a beautiful place, but it's my place. I love it there.

I went to school called Salem and was a big theater kid. Our place was really tight knit. My mom, my dad, both sides of my grandparents, my great grandparents, all from Conyers. There's this one little diamond of area. And my grandparents, my mom's mom and dad, who are Pentecostal pastors, live right there. That's the south side of the diamond for the north side. Yeah, yeah, and then on the north side of the diamond,

there was actually my mom's granny's church that they used to go to, and then my granddad's church was a little ways down the road, and so all around the sides here are my granddad's, brothers and sisters, daughters and kids. Outside of the diamond, there's another kind of diamond around it, my wholedad's, like brothers and sisters, daughters and kids outside of the diamond. There's another kind of diamond around it. My whole family's right there.

Wow, so you're surrounding the whole area. Yeah, and so I always live with my dad as much as I possibly could because he was in like Covington or something. And every time you do anything wrong, there was like 40 people just like. Someone could see you in every corner of the county. What kind of population are we talking about?

I could tell you the population. I don't know about. I would tell you the population. I don't know about people. I would tell you that there was times in my life where you can't throw a rock far enough without hitting a Kerbo or a Demsdale in that town. Cause we have generations. So I would have to do like family trees to date somebody. You know what I mean?

Yeah, oh God. Sure, sure, sure. 23andMe posted on your chest. It's scary, yeah. We're thinking that town. 18,000 almost. 18,000. Okay, because it's only 24 miles east of Atlanta But was it rural the older I got the more it became more suburban II in a way

But when I was younger I remember my grandparents having chickens and stuff like that and their small yard But over the years more people came in and it's right next to Covington, too Which is a little further east and Covington over the last few years has been doing a lot of filming, and Tyler Perry's kind of the one that spearheaded all that stuff, and then Vampire Diaries, and a bunch of things started getting in, so Covington's becoming this huge place of filming. That's so weird, if like Highland, Michigan, the town next to mine became a hotbed of Hollywood activity,

I would have a hard time understanding that. But I think in Georgia, there's a bunch of tax. Incentives, yeah. So mom and dad, were they married? they divorced when I was probably three or so So I don't remember them quite together as we're talking now. They've weirdly been like kind of dating again weirdly Weird like oh right. Yeah, they came to our show in Vegas together, and then they called me on the phone He's like, baby, it's probably weird hearing us together I was like dad

I don't know how I feel about it, if it makes you happy. And he's like, is it one thing to say if I'm just hitting it? And I'm like, that's way worse, dude. That's way worse, bro. Well, I don't know. We gotta really think this through. No, that's wrong. Whatever makes you guys happy,

but I'm not trying to parent trap you guys or anything, so fuck that. I'm the same. So my dad loved when I was three, but they remained really great friends. And they'd be together. And even occasionally, if they were being mildly friends. And they'd be together, and even occasionally if they were being mildly affectionate,

I'd be like, guys, don't even think about going back down that road. Why? It's a weird, gross feeling. It's like your brother and sister are gonna get, I don't know. Yeah, it's weird. It doesn't seem natural.

It doesn't. It was always just yelling about this or that forever. And so like, they always kinda just despise each other in a way. You don't have to name names, but does someone get sober in this equation None of them have really ever had like a big drinking issue or nothing like that So that's been great

My mom was married to a guy from the time I was like four to about 18 Who was a massive alcoholic and had dad and dad dad and mom they're a big line of alcoholics But my parents they'll smoke some weed here and there my dad would get down every once in a while as needed Yeah, I've never had alcohol abuse within my parents. Oh, that's lucky. Yeah, that's really beautiful for me You had a lot of church obviously between my mom Yeah, but on my dad's side it was never that way which is great on the weekends I go over there and we could do whatever we could eat all the ice creams we want I mean we's watching Martin my favorite show. I got a picture of Jerome back here on my dad

Right, he's my everything was dad spending money differently mom? Because like we'd go to my dad's on the weekend. He drove a Corvette. He had cable TV. We could order pizza. It was like he was rich even though he wasn't. It was very tough on my pop side. My mom she was with a guy who was pretty well-off. He was gone all the time working but my dad on the other hand he got with a woman who's schizophrenic and bipolar and had two more boys that are eight and ten years younger than me. And so she was always in and out of prison and methed out and that was really tough on them and us.

And so me and my older brother helped my dad raise my two little ones and he was always waking up at like 2 a.m. going to bed at 10 p.m. trying to do homework by himself. My dad is truly the greatest man I've ever met. That's lovely. He put these four boys on his back and just chucked through it. Oh man. How much older is your brother? He's about 14 months older than me. Okay, so really close.

Yeah, he's my best friend. He lives out here with me now. And so growing up, what kids were you in the social hierarchy of that world? I've always just kind of gotten along with everyone. I've always been that way. You have a very sweet face. Yeah. It's the opposite of punchable faces. I appreciate that. You're along with everyone. I've always been that way. You have a very sweet face. Yeah. It's the opposite of punchable faces. I appreciate it. You're familiar with punchable face?

You have the opposite. Yeah, I've just always been able to get along with anybody and everybody. You know, it's just been easy for me. And was your older brother bigger than you? They're all bigger than me. My shortest little brother is, I think, still 5'10", but the rest of my family is in six foot.

I got stuck at 5'7". Well, I bet you got the singing thing, so it all comes out in the wash. Was your brother protective of you? Absolutely, man, all of us. When I first had this thing picking up and going off, we'd started our merchandise business and I just employed my older brother to do it

because it was kind of like he didn't really get the start of life until just this last couple of years when my little brothers got older because as I was going doing this and my dad was trying to put my little brothers through high school, Kailin, my oldest brother, was their mother for so long. He had to kind of take care of all of us in a lot of ways.

While you're surrounded by sweet men, that's not always the case. Women, on the other hand, have been a little treacherous. I think I've continued to pick those. It's such a different thing than what a lot of people go through because I have loving, gentle, hugging, kissing men in my life. Not so much that way with women in my life. Your stepdad, would he fall into the great or not great category?

He's an awful person. Okay. I loved him when I was younger, but he was just an alcoholic and he was gone all the time and he was working and he's really abusive in ways and I haven't heard from him since. He raised me from four to 18. He was a second dad to me, you know,

and one day he was just gone from my life and my mom's life and all of our lives. I'd never talked to him again. And I do carry some resentments and ways towards him because he was a part of my life for so long and then he was just gone. I was just like, how do you raise somebody? I know you and my mom split up,

but no like, hi buddy or I love you, this isn't your fault. Just abandoned, man. Yeah, I think it really did fuck me up. I still think of that sometimes. Will you start rewriting the entire history, right? Which is like, oh, he was only ever nice to me because of mom. Now he doesn't have mom,

so none of that was sincere he doesn't have mom, so none of that was sincere or genuine. But also you're smart enough to know you lost him to addiction. Some point in your life, you might even have compassion. Yeah, I tried, I know as I'm on the road and how easy it is to fall into this spell of just drinking every day.

And last year, all year long, when we was on tour for nine months, it was almost like a nine month bender of just anything to keep this dopamine flow going. That's been the hardest thing for me this year as we've been touring and trying to like get to this point of staying calm and being able to like, okay, we don't need all these people in the green room. We don't need a constant party every day. We don't need this dopamine. And I was talking to Bert Greischer the other day about this reentry thing because we got really into this thing about when you get back from tour. And I just got back like a week or two ago,

and I find the first couple days I'm home it being kind of depressing. And I just get in this place, and my baby starts to be like, you're not sad, you're just used to this level of dopamine that hits you when you're in front of thousands of people, and you can't sleep. Adrenaline.

Yeah, adrenaline junkie you turn into. And then so when you get home and you're not getting this constant affirmation, like, yeah, you're the best, you kind of get in this like, shit, man, I don't know. Am I okay? You get in this turmoil spot. It's so easy to just be like,

well, I know how to regulate. And I have to try to do things like get sun, go to the gym, try to get my life back in order for a week or two and try to get a routine going again, but then you're back. Get stable and then do it all over again. I'm grateful though, the best job in the world. You're like coming off of cocaine, but you don't have any downers.

And you're just in your hotel room. So it's like, what are we going to do with all this? That's the feeling. And then you're laying there until 3 a.m. And even if you got to get up at 6 a.m. to go radio, you're like, I can't turn this adrenaline off. And there's always a mini bar to start tapping into, or something to get you a little bit more tired.

That's just a tough thing to do. I try to do the first two or three weeks of this last Europe tour sober and bring my PlayStation and just get something to focus my brain into because there's always Kyle from the second grade somewhere and he happens to be in like Manchester and you're like, what are you doing here? We got to get hammered tonight, you know?

And it's always one and it's tough. And then for me, the justifications became more and more preposterous. Yeah. Yeah, they were kind of legit at first, and then it was just like, I mean, it's almost 11, 16, whatever the thing is. But it's chemical.

That high, the drop of being on stage and having all those people, it's an actual chemical drop. They're just like, oh, that sounds hard, but it's physiological. Absolutely. Of course you feel that way. It's not weird that you do. It's your chemicals, all of ours.

Well, and it all makes sense when you look back at how almost, I don't know, be careful with my wordage here, but every performer I loved growing up was struggling with it. Oh yeah, absolutely. I don't know the one that was like the Billy Crystal of rock and roll who somehow was doing it from a healthy place.

Maybe, we don't know. And managed it beautifully. Yeah, maybe, but he wasn't going and playing freeze tag at the end of the show with his friends, you know what I mean? He was going and partying. Oh, maybe Paul McCartney. He seems to be the guy who escaped.

He's still with it. I'm sure he's had his time. Even these ones you didn't think, like Prince and Michael Jackson both OD. They both died of drug overdoses. However you wanna qualify it. Well, he had an opiate prescription. Or he was just trying to go to sleep.

Whatever the case is, these are two men who died. I think the more I do it, the more I realize, oh, that's why we're all alcoholics and drug addicts. That's why we can become that so easy. Yeah. So my probably number one guy I love is Waylon Jennings. And also my fantasy of his life is number one, which is on the road, up for six days on speed,

writing music, playing for people, sweating bullets, and everyone in his life's being let down, but the music's so good they all overlook it. I was like, I gotta figure out something I do good enough that everyone will let me live as shitty as I want and not kick me to the curb. I missed Waylon Jennings a lot when I was coming up I didn't quite come up on a lot of his stuff or his life or that matter

But I definitely could understand that feeling that's what I thought I was doing with this career originally It's like I thought I could just be a degenerate all the time And now it's like when you got a 3 a.m. Lobby call to get to a radio station I'm like, what the fuck is this? I did not sign up to music to do this bullshit I wanted to stay out till 3 I wanted to stay out till three. I wanted to be up till nine a.m. A rock star. And then sleep till four p.m. and hit sound check.

That's what the vibe was, but I was walking into, but it's not that. You can't avoid adulthood with anything you do, I don't think. Yeah, once you're inside the fancy, you're like, oh, this isn't quite how I pictured it. It's beautiful, but it's like, fuck man, I just gotta wake up and feel like shit or wake up. Make sure I don't feel like shit.

I would argue too, your specific story is a very extreme example of it too, as far as like the highs and lows. We're only one year out from Lose Control coming out. Yeah, it's like a week from now or something? Yeah. Wow. Doing well, making baby steps, baby steps, getting closer, getting closer,

and then the floodgates, most listen to song of the year. Obama's favorite song. Yeah, that was sick. That was such a cool moment for me. What? I was lit up about that. Yeah, I made his little playlist. It was so sick. That song just goes to show you how the old way of doing something still works.

Because I had thought for so long that maybe a good song wasn't enough to just go anymore. Because there's like a hundred thousand songs that come out a day on Spotify, right? A lot of these are backed up by trends via TikTok, Instagram, whatever have you. And when those trends start to happen, those songs start to hold up their hand. And it does make the playing field very even. A 15 year old can record it in his bed

and do what I could never do when I was 15, or what I could do even now. So I think it's a beautiful way of even in the playing field. But when I look at that song in particular, it's not been a flash in the pan and it's been not backed by a trend but also us going to every place and touring on this song for over a year and hitting every radio station and Shaking every hand and asking them to play it and meeting and bringing them to the show Having a drink with this guy from the radio station making great friends with them and working the song and you could still work it

That way the promo is so important. Meeting those people are so important because the next song, they're like, that's my boy Teddy, I want that guy to win. And whether the song is trash or good, it has to be good to some degree, I'm sure. But I think now when you make those connections and when you go over to the UK five times,

six times in a year, and you meet all those people, when you shake all those hands and even your label people, you're not just a name that slides across their desk to them, that's my dog, I want to win. And when you get that real personal connection those people, when you shake all those hands and even your label people, you're not just a name that slides across their desk to them. That's my dog I want to win. And when you get that real personal connection with people, then I think that will always take you further in life. I would find it more satisfying if I were you as well, that it wasn't even in a genre that's working at number one.

It's not like you listen and you're like, yeah, that's the one that'll catch on. It's not resembling any of the other top. It just went last week, number one on R&B radio. It's already been number one on pop radio and it's number one on Billboard and rock radio has worked at and every different place it can be. Okay, but back to Conyers,

you were playing football as a little guy and then you eventually discovered musical theater or theater in 10th grade? Yeah, 10th grade I got in. But who were you socially? Everyone kind of liked you. You were a good time Charlie? Yeah, absolutely.

Did girls like you yet? I was always nervous about that. I had a bunch of girls that were friends and I was always kind of like a serial dater where I was just jumping into a relationship and then being that for two, three years and then jump right into another one. And I kind of did that for a lot of my life starting in one grade my first one

I got serious about was ninth grade. We were together for I think two three years. That's a long time Yeah, yeah, we were broken up for like all three days when I got into another one for like another three years It was insane. It's been that way except for where I'm currently at I took months off before I go back into something because I've just been that way like oh where I'm currently at, I took months off before I dove back into something, because I've just been that way. Like, oh, I love you. I can't help it, I fall in love so quick.

Now, do you, well, we'll get to that, I guess. But when you start doing musical theater, you do Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Yeah, the first one we ever did, actually, was a show called Damn Yankees. So me and my best pal Jesse, who still plays with me, his dad was a guitarist and sang, and their whole family was big into music.

And when I first started hanging out with him, I was the first time I ever saw somebody play and sing. He was in his basement and he had this PA set up and he started singing, won't it, did over that. And I was like, dude, your dad is bad ass bro. Seen a million faces. Yeah, so sick bro.

So me and Jesse started playing all the time and we sucked so bad originally. What age is this? 13. We were coming right out of eighth grade. We'd get dropped off at the movie theater and take that 20 bucks our parents gave us and not go to the movies, do what you would think 14-year-olds do with $20.

We'd just sit out there and sing, acapella trying to harmonize, trying to sing for anybody that let us sing. His sister got us in a theater when I was in 10th grade, and I remember still to this day, us doing that damn Yankee show, and I had two lines, I think, in it. My mom was crying a theater when I was in 10th grade. And I remember still to this day, I was doing the damn Yankee show and I had two lines, I think, in it. My mom was crying so bad when I told her,

I was like, I don't wanna play football anymore. I'm done with football. And she pulled out all this old memorabilia, you know, where she had the magnets and all my trophies and she was like, why would you do this to us? We play football. Why would you do this? Was your brother playing football?

Well, my older brother, he never played. But my two older brothers. So I guess we're not all playing football. Why do you suppose that was an important endeavor for her? I don't know. My dad did and my other brothers did. It's a Southern thing. And we always did since I was a little kid. Since I've been like five, she watched me on the football field.

Do you think she was worried about you missing out on the teammate experience? I'm trying to imagine what it is she thought football was giving you. I think it was the fear of change that I was gonna do something else But it wasn't until I did that first show and I'd sang my two little lines and I get out and my mama was like Baby, I'm so sorry. That's where you belong All she had to see me was on stage two lines and just be like wow baby you go for it You want to write won her right over. Yeah, right over.

And then you started singing in the chorus in high school? Yeah, funny enough, my senior year, I was kinda really falling behind. I was such a bad student. We had this credit recovery thing where you would go in class and you could do a few weeks of online bullshit and get your credits there.

So I found this thing called Alpha Omega and Conyers and it's basically you go pick up work every week for like eight weeks and you'd read a chapter and you could pretty much Google all the answers do the test on the back and then turn it in you get credits so I went over one summer going into my senior year did all my senior core classes and all my credits I was behind because I was still practically in 10th grade going into senior year so I was like okay if I just do all these I could come back and not have to do anything but theater so I'd already had my credits and so I remember the principal calling in the office

and talking to my mom and she was like, I'm not signing off on this, you just coming in here to do theater, chorus, show choir, and video production. That's not gonna happen. You can't do that. And I was like, well, I already got the credits. So I am doing that. So that's what I'm doing. Yeah.

And she's like, well, I'm still getting you in the classes. And I was like, well, I'm not going. And so I stayed all my core classes my senior year just didn't go to it I got zeros and graduated the bottom of class, but I did graduate so fuck her you know Yeah, you did it because she could say I couldn't do that But they passed a law in Rockdale County now that they can't do joint enrollment in places I think I ruined it for some of the kids that were getting college credit. It may be for the best Stay tuned for more of Farm Chair Expert, if you dare.

Did you have any fantasies about like going to do musical theater? Yeah, I still one day want to pursue that again eventually, but I've kind of put myself in a box on roles I can play. With the tattoos. Yeah, it's gotta be a specific role now if it comes to acting again. I was thinking that. Well, when did tattoos start? I got my first one when I was 16.

I got it covered up. It was a cross and it had my last name in a bander. It said Demsdale and it said established 1992. It was so corny, bro. And I was cutting the sleeves off my shirt like, yeah, dude. By the time I was 18, I was like, what the fuck, this is so stupid. It's not that I don't think kids should get tattoos,

it's just that they can't pick a good one. I'd almost sign off on it, but they need like a panel of elders that approves your tattoo. I agree. And not that I'm the one to take advice of tattoos from, but I think 16 year olds might be too early. Kind of the first one you see you're like, that'd look awesome.

Doesn't really matter what it is you see. And I thought I was having the cross in my name and like, you know, I was like, this is gonna be... You really thought it through. Yeah, I tried anyway, but I just wanted something. You know what's cute, Monica, is I heard him say in an interview that what he wanted to be when he grew up was tattooed. That was a destination. Yeah, and that wasn't a real job, obviously doing tattoos is one.

Receiving them, yeah. I remember my mom used to give us $10 at the end of the week when we did our chores for the week. And so on Sunday, we'd have to go to church and then we'd have to give 10% of our tithes and offerings, which is a good thing, and I appreciate that principle now, but giving up a dollar out of $10, I was like, fuck, I'm broke now.

And my older brother would always give $5 because he's a fucking overachiever. And show off. Yeah, what a weenie. I would go to the Mexican restaurant every Sunday or Pandasons and they have those fake tattoo machines and I put them cordially in and just cash out, slap them, stand in the mirror all over my body.

Feeling awesome. Yeah. And did you feel protected by them? Like what was the draw? I know, I just felt tough. All the people I looked up to had tattoos and they were badasses. My first concert I went to and found this bug for was 2007 Warped Tour.

Paramore was there, Circus Survive. I probably went there. Boyz I Throats, Cohedin Cambria. There were so many great bands at the time that were just my world. And what actors did you think were cool? Adam Sandler is my fucking dude. Not Jack Black! Jack Black is my dude too, but Adam Sandler is, I mean, that's quite a task,

like Billy Madison tattoo and Carl Weathers from Chuck Peterson from Happy Gilmore right here. My dad raised me on nothing but Adam Sandler and Martin Lawrence and Chris Farley and SNL cast. You wanna know a trip, Teddy. The CEO of Ford right now is Chris Farley's cousin. No way. Jim Farley, and we interviewed him, and it's uncanny.

Yeah, they're so similar. I was tripping out thinking at times I was talking to Chris. I think that blood really runs thick in him. Very specific. Yeah, I just recently listened to the book, The Chris Farley Show, his brother's got together and wrote, and it's beautiful if you haven't ever read it. Oh, I haven't.

Oh, it's about his whole life. The ending of it is just the last words he says in his life is just so sad. He's been up for four days. His prostitute is leaving his hotel and he goes after her and he collapses. And then she takes his watch and stuff and leaves him a note.

And last thing he says to her before she goes is, "'Please don't leave me.'" And then they find him dead like the next evening. Yeah. Yeah, such deep loneliness. God, it's so sad. I mean, especially if you were struggling, his story would just have you in absolute tears.

It's so powerful and sad. Yeah, it is. There's a lot of things in that stew. It's not just addiction. It's also these highs and lows we're talking about, this kind of untenable high of public adoration. And then, yeah, loneliness and then an ability to connect with anybody, but also not being with anybody ever.

That's so much of it too, is that ability to always want to please and want to be around, and then as soon as people are around, you gotta make them comfortable, but then you kinda feel more alone in a lot of those rooms too, where you're just always turning it off and turning it on. That's the biggest thing I struggle with too,

is that there's times I'm like, oh fuck, I can't deal with all these people, you know? But soon as I do it's always the turning it on is the hard part But once I'm on it's like how I'm gonna get this off. There's just this black and white things going on all the time in your brain There's no in-between. It's just on or off What kind of things were you struggling with as a kid in high school? Sounds like you had friends you fucking finagled this school system You're performing you got a good dad a lot of what I struggled with is a lot of stuff

with my mother and I wanted to live with my dad and I don't wanna like, I don't know if I'm ready to quite talk about certain things with my mother and her man she married and that whole side of the family. It's not something I've really publicly spoke about and I don't know if my mom would be like, yeah, you don't wanna hurt your mom. But we went through a big, really tough time

and with her decisions she made with that man. And I had to get out of there. And there was a lot of times where they were doing fine. But I'd rather live with my dad and struggle in the hood and raise my brothers. And there was always a love there that I was getting. Love was so much more than just this fake picture of what a beautiful house and a beautiful life looks like.

I think there was a lot of it, too, in regards to my upbringing in church and seeing the inside and outs of it. A lot of smoke and mirrors to it. Not that my granddad was ever not who he said he was. There was also some things about it that was so strong, like this is right and this is wrong. There's no gray areas and the way he believed everything was right.

And if you didn't believe it exactly how he believed it, the way he believed it, then you were just wrong and you were going to hell. Right. It wasn't just a disagreement. It was you're amoral and you're going gonna end up in hell because of this difference. Yeah and if you don't believe it just like he did I mean he was headstrong so much that he wouldn't even go to a restaurant where there was a bar in it. He had a wood shop he would never take money from the church as a pastor he's like we don't do that. He was working on building houses

he was a carpenter he had to be exactly what he read Jesus was and sweet man but if it wasn't this way I remember one of the first things he said to me he wanted me to come sing at the church when I really started getting music and he was like all these kids out here nowadays break dancing and sweet man, but if it wasn't this way. I remember one of the first things he said to me, he wanted me to come sing at the church when I really started getting music. And he was like, all these kids out here nowadays, break dancing and hip hop and all that for the Lord. And I was like, Pop, nobody's broke dancing since my mom was growing up, dog.

We're not break dancing for the Lord. Also, for break dancing for the Lord, let them break dance for the Lord, man. It's not a sin. It's not bad to do rap songs for Jesus. If they wanna do that, let them kids do that. I mean, the songs will probably be bad, but there's nothing wrong with it And my mom was always thinking I was up to something

I knew that came from a place of her just trying to seem like she was perfect But also she was a pastor's kid and now that I'm older I'm like, oh you were a fucking wild one and you were thinking I was doing shit that I was not even doing she was Thinking I was in all sorts of drugs at like 12 and I was like mom I don't even know anybody that does that. I haven't even seen anybody doing crack in front of me. What do you think I'm doing? They're like, my window shut, like, oh, I know what you did.

You snuck out, you jumped down here, you jumped off the roof. I'm like, no, mom, I'm just walking out the front door if I'm going anywhere. I got into boozing way too early. When I was at my mom's, they had a bar downstairs, you know, my stepdad had, and I could just go in there and kind of fill up a water bottle. I had been probably drinking since I was like 10, just slugging them back on the bus, you know, and being a had, and I could just go in there and kind of fill up a water bottle. I had been probably drinking since I was like 10, just slugging them back on the bus, you know, and being a little hammered at school,

and I'm like in seventh grade, and we're like. What comfort did it give you? The only time I was really optimistic in life was when I had booze in me. When I think about why I started drinking or why I started smoking cigarettes, it was truly to be cool, you know? And that was all there was to it.

I just wanted to be cool, and I was hanging out with these kids, and they were smoking weed, it was truly to be cool, you know? And that was all there was to it. I just wanted to be cool. And I was hanging out with these kids and they were smoking weed and I wanted to smoke weed. And if I could be the one to get the alcohol, then I was the fucking legend. And I could get it at any point. No telling what we were drinking. We were just mixing shit up in a water bottle.

And I was bringing it out to the boys and we're walking through the neighborhood like, yeah, slugging it back. Or hey mister and somebody at the gas station like, hey mister, can you get us some 40? Can you get us a pack of cigarettes? There's always somebody that would you knew better than to say hey ma'am? Okay, so music takes off you start really committing to it you start messing around with the piano and the ukulele You're watching YouTube to learn singing technique.

Which by the way, it's kind of mind blowing that yeah, if you're born in 92, this is, it's an option for you. It's a total road. I wouldn't have had that. Yeah, it's a perfect time. I think it's super powerful. That's why I think kids these days

are so much more well off. You know, you can school at any moment and there's an 11 year old doing what we think we are good at way better than we'll ever be at it. There's access to information and being able to learn and play is study it.

So much harder than what even I had and I'm grateful for that. I could just Google, you know, if I wanted to watch Marvin Gaye and watch him live, I could see videos of him sitting there singing and watch his mouth and what he's doing, how he moved and I could watch Grammy performances with Michael Jackson. I remember the first time I saw Michael Jackson do that one where he beats the record, he gets seven Grammys. He goes on to get an eighth one that same night for Thrill and he's like I promise that uh if I win another Grammy which is seven which is a record

I take my glasses off and I really don't want to but I'm only doing this for Miss Hepburn because she's a dear friend of mine and he just pulls them up and everybody AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH most gangster shit I've ever seen. Can you imagine having America excited to see you take your glasses off? With your eyes. It was so sick, it was so badass to me. And I just knew from that point, I was just watching him, I was always like, God, what a fucking badass dude.

Did you watch that greatest night in pop music documentary on Netflix? I have not, no. Oh my God, your head's gonna spin. It's about them coming together to make We Are the World. You've got like Quincy Jones and Lionel Richie kind of orchestrating everything. And it's every single greatest singer alive

in this one room. The kind of two undeniable standouts of the doc are Michael Jackson. He's somehow on his own. Everyone else is together, but he's on his own. And when he sings, you're like, yeah, that's it. There's just really no comparing. Bob Dylan but he's on his own. And when he sings, you're like, yeah, that's it. There's just really no comparing.

Bob Dylan, he's not that kind of singer, so he can't really find his way into this song, and they're all struggling, they're all struggling. And then Stevie Wonder imitates Bob Dylan to Bob Dylan, and they're on his back, and when you're watching it, you think it's Bob Dylan singing. So Stevie Wonder's singing in Dylan's voice, explaining to him what notes he should find

to work his way into the song. And he kind of saves Bob Dylan's performance. And you're like, okay, well that guy's just a phenom. What a monster, man. Stevie Wonder. Yeah, song's the key life, number one for me. Man, I'd love to be breathing the same air. He's the one.

So you join a bunch of bands. I'm imagining it takes you a minute. A, you're probably just saying yes to any opportunity that comes your way. These dudes want you to sing with them? Great, I'm in. How do we get from saying yes to everything, being in a hair metal cover band,

being in an R&B band, being in an alternative rock band, how do you discover what you're really supposed to be singing? I had the same guys. It was kind of a tight-knit community of musicians and a lot of kids were doing metal from when I got out of high school till even now, you know? And I was still in a metal band called Heirs at the time, and this band called Wild Heart.

Me and my buddy, Addy Maxwell, who plays guitar for me still and writes a lot with me. So weird, man. I had everything kind of happen to me once. This girl I was with at the time had left me. My car had broken down. My roommates had moved out. I walked like the last two miles to my work,

and the place was closing down. Everything just hit the fan at once, and really bad off at the time. What age is this? I must have been 26 27 This was right before Teddy swims really started happening and at the time I was with this girl who had a child and her baby Daddy wasn't around and I was even about to go get this full-time job and was trying to like think I was like You know what man, maybe I just need to raise this kid He's worth it and I almost gave it up and all this shit just hit the fan all at once. And I called my dad and I was like, man, can I move there to your house? And I just really need to place a crash for a couple months.

So I put my mattress basically on the floor in his garage and just trying to like camp out there. And there was no carpet or anything. And my buddy Lee, who had recorded most of my metal bands was actually in Loganville. He was right down the road from my dad's house. And so we started just kind of messing with stuff. And he got me in this band, Wild Heart. And that started going somewhere.

And me and Addy started doing hip hop music. Because he was making beats for some rappers and sending it out. We decided to make a hip hop song. And we did one song. And my pal Tyler Carter was in this band Issues. He comes over and he's doing a solo tour. And he hears our one song.

And he's like, man, this shit's bad ass, dude. Give me like 30 minutes of music. And you guys come on tour with me. I'm like, we only have one song. He's like, I'm this shit's badass, dude. Give me like 30 minutes of music and you guys come on tour with me. I'm like, we only have one song. He's like, I'm going to the UK with issues. It's only four minutes long, so. He's like, I'm going to the UK with issues and I'll be back in a month.

You have a month to get like 30 minutes of music. So me and Addy grinded out a bunch of hip hop songs where we're rapping on these songs. Is the quality going downhill quickly? It's getting better. Oh, it's getting better? Yeah, it's getting better. We're getting better at rapping.

Addy's crushing it. I'm okay, but it's not my thing. I'm here to sing. But this is my opportunity to go on tour, so fuck it, we're here. So we get back, we have this thing trying to figure out our name. I was going by Swimms by that time,

and it was just someone who was a meat, played this character of this rapper. Tyler's like, why don't we just put Teddy in front of everybody, cause everybody calls you that. And then boom, you're Teddy Swimms. And I was like, dude, I really kind of fucking hate that. And then he's like, well, it's my tour, so I'm putting it on the flyer.

So it was Addy Maxwell and Teddy Swims, opening up for Tyler Carter. Cause you're Jatin Collin Dimmesdale. Yes sir. Jatin, that's a pretty unique name. Yeah, it is. I've never met another one yet. Me either.

But you were going by Teddy? Yeah, I've always been called Teddy cause while I was waiting tables and stuff, Jatin's hard. They're like Jamie, Jason. So my look is just always, oh, there's our Teddy. Oh, like Teddy Bear? Yeah, and that's where it just kind of came from. Oh, sweet. Jatin, that's so sweet. I don't know what to call you about. Yeah oh, there's our Teddy. Oh, like Teddy Bear? Yeah, and that's where it just kind of came from. Oh, sweet.

Jaden, that's so sweet. I don't know what to call you about. Yeah, I've always been Teddy. Yeah, yeah, OK. We ended up doing this tour, and this was March of 2019. And then we get back, and the Teddy Swims thing was kind of cool. Maybe I could do shit as Teddy Swims.

And I just used the name Teddy Swims and uploaded a Michael Jackson cover of Rock With You. Watched it this morning. It's incredible. June 25th of 2019, and that was 10 years after he died. And so we wanted to just pay homage, and it started going crazy. And we were like, guys, why don't we just turn this shit into Teddy Swims? Let's see what happens here. And we kept doing the covers.

And the most beautiful thing is my manager, Luke, who lives out here, he hopped in a car and drove a Prius with a U-Haul on the back of it, all the way to Georgia. And we moved into this little house in Snowville. It was a five-bedroom house. Me and all my friends, about 12 of it, all the way to Georgia. And we moved into this little house in Snailville. It was a five bedroom house. Me and all my friends, about 12 of us moved into this place and we built plywood walls and built two studios in there, split rooms into two rooms. I was like, dude, if we get six months,

we started making our merch and distributing it out of the garage, filming our own stuff, singing and recording our own stuff, playing and writing our own stuff, doing the covers. I quit my job, was getting floated by my boys, and just six months of this guys, this will work. And I kid you not, December 24th of 2019, a day less than six months, we get signed to Warner Records,

and I get this fucking million dollar deal, and put all my buddies on salary. The manifestation of just you and your friends coming together and be like, guys, we can do this if we just all put our heads together. Yeah, it's kind of the full commitment moment. It feels like you're so behind on life. It's always at the 28, 29, 30 mark,

you're just like God I'm so far behind and the kids that are coming up to they're making music like you got Billy Eilish crushing at 16 I'm like what the fuck am I doing here? I'm a decade older and her what's gonna happen to me why pick rock with you I want to applaud that I think off the walls the best of all those Yeah, I got it hanging on my wall now man rock with you really enough because it was that time We had found the stems of it online Sometimes producers want to just take something mix, you know

My producer was just going in and he had found the stems of it and was like I want to mix this out Which is really cool because you can hear Rod Temperton when you get all the stems of the song You can actually mute a bunch of the stuff and there's the original mumble track of it too and so you hear And so you hear Rob like... Bum-ta-boo-bum-ta-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba- The mumbles aren't, but when you get the stems, you can hear that they kept that in there. It's so crazy, because it's similar to a lot of times we do the same thing, where you just kind of come up with a mumble of the melody first, and then sometimes you might be almost saying a word, and you're like,

what are you saying there? Oh, shit, that sounds like you're saying this. And then you come up with some beautiful words. My song, The Door, for instance, my buddy just already had the beat and the mumble of it, and we'd kind of just, oh, it sounded like you said, started writing to this. You reverse engineer it, kind of. Yeah, and so it was cool to see that happen and see that was still the way that it was done.

Yeah. Now, Rock With You got, I don't know, 10 million views or something, or maybe more when I looked at it this morning, it had two million views, but you're still the one by Shania Twain. Seems like a very from left field choice. Oh my God, I need to hear that. And that one has 167 million views.

It was monster, yeah. Yeah, that's probably the one that gets Warner Records' attention. I think the biggest thing is, because the original version we did of it, I dedicated it to my mother, and I was like, this goes out to my mom, I love you, and the touch people.

It's kind of a mystery, because rock with you seems more in tune with you. It just doesn't seem like you're gonna sing that. I think there's also some of the mixed messages of looking at you singing that song is very interesting. That's the thing that first worked out for me on Rock With You is once it hit this 500,000 views, people were looking at my face and my whole thing going on

and singing that song, they were like, okay, either this is gonna be funny or this is gonna be really good. Yes, yes, yes. Or it's gonna be both. And it ended up being, I think, quite funny and actually good. People were like, I did not expect this guy to sing this way. So we kind of leaned into that gimmick so much.

And it's been a thing that's really pivotal in my career. Real music videos have never worked for us. Just playing the song rather quite works for you. I just find that it's always when somebody says, like, listen to this guy. Okay, now look what he looks like, you know? It's always been my thing. And so we just totally fucking pedal to the metal on making sure my face is in everything and why I'm singing.

So people were like, whoa, that's a good voice. But I don't think it's as good as the juxtaposition versus what I look like. People are fucking stunned and it's helped me out so much. That makes sense. Yeah, if you look the part perfectly, it would be a foregone conclusion. So there's nothing novel or interesting about it.

WWE, you gotta work the fucking gimmick, you know? You gotta have some gimmick that gets people's attention. But do you think it's by design a little bit, even just in life? Do you like presenting one way? I had a buddy of mine, my best pal from school, Julian Seltzer, man, he's my dog, and he told me one time, it was a few years ago,

before all this, he said, you're really an icon when somebody can dress as you for Halloween and people can know it's you. And I remember hearing that and being like, okay, what do I gotta do from here to make sure that's the case? And I've spent forever trying to be like, okay, what do I like to put a little bandana on,

grow my hair out this way, tattoo my face? What do I gotta do here to make me different? Yeah. But I definitely put a lot of thought and effort into that. Certainly people went as you to Halloween last year. Yeah. Have you seen any pictures? Yeah, I have a picture.

Also, my buddy Kurt, my door manager, his little cousin, they've written all the, and I had this one, I can't remember the family on Instagram, they did a video, it's lose control, and he's like, kind of mouthing it. They came to my show and my meet and greet too, and he had his all dressed up and shit with the tattoos going and they drew them on.

It's so cool, bro. Watching kids do that especially, it's so awesome. Obviously, I have tattoos, but I have no face tattoos. What's the chat in your head as you go in and you're like, wow, we're gonna go all in on this? Well, the first one I got, so it's Home at Last up here. On your hairline. My granddad had passed away.

It was really the first time I ever saw death right there in front of me. So he was in his room and they had separate rooms within their 52 years. Eventually, I guess you just get separate rooms. She got sick of hearing about it because she wasn't doing it right, probably. So I'm sitting there playing piano.

Like I said, we're all in this diamond. So there's like 50 of us by the time I get there. Everybody in the family is so quick to go right there. So my grandma was trying to be all strong and she sits there with me after everybody walks out of the room and she finally breaks down and she said, he's home at last, he's home at last.

And then she goes, but you left me behind and sobs and sobs. He'd always told me to never get my face tattooed because calling to God is without repentance, son. You don't ever want to get your face tattooed. And as soon as he passed away, I just got one in commemorative of him just to be like, I love you, brother.

I love you, and I fuck you. I love you, Pop. You're the fucking man. But if heaven exists, and he owes me an asshole, then when I get up there, you know? And then from there, I just kind of got a little carried away. Now I just fucking get them. Sometimes I just get the edge. And there's been times where I've been on the road, too,

where it's been bad. Like, last October 5th, my bassist's birthday, we had a tattoo artist come in, and he wanted to get like a little party hat right here on his wrist. And I was like, just do it on my face, dude. I got this dumbass party hat right here. That was so him, and I wake up the next day, like, trying to lick it off. And I was like, oh, shit, when the next day like trying to lick it off.

And I was like, oh shit, when did I get that, dudes? Okay, so that one you regret. I mean, it's there, it's whatever. I did immediately have regrets to it. And they were like, well, you don't remember all night you're walking around just bouncing your eyebrows like party jumping, party jumping, party jumping, party jumping.

I was like, dude, y'all should have fucked me to bed way earlier than, why the fuck was I doing that? What a piece of human trash I was. Yeah, because I guess I sometimes assume the saddest thing when I see people, like let me put it this way, I have none on my left arm, well I have a couple, but I'm not covering my left arm

because I actually like how my left arm looks. I got a good vein in my bicep, I'm like well I don't want to cover that up. So what I know is that if I really like it how it is, I'm not drawn on it, so then I reverse engineer that up. So what I know is that if I really like it how it is, I'm not drawn on it. So then I reverse engineer that. Sometimes when I see people with a ton of tattoos on their face, I'm like, they didn't think

there was anything to lose. I can see where you're coming from. Maybe it's just me being older, but first of all, when I look at dudes with tattoos, I think they're like me, which is I got fucked with and abused as a kid, and I want to send a message not to fuck with me. I want to be tough. Maybe there's a piece of that too.

I've been too approachable sometimes. Maybe there's a piece of that too. I've been too approachable sometimes. Maybe there's a piece of it inside that subconsciously I do want to look tougher. Maybe there's always this piece of me that feels like I'm judged for being this and I want to turn people's minds into not judging a book by its cover. I've not put a lot of thought into much of it.

So I wouldn't say it's a deep rooted thing, but also when you bring those up, I'm like, yeah, I mean, it could be a subconscious thing that I'm doing that I couldn't tell you you're wrong about. But I didn't say it's a deep rooted thing, but also when you bring those up, I'm like, yeah, I mean, it could be a subconscious thing that I'm doing that I couldn't tell you you're wrong about, but I didn't go into it thinking that I was compartmentalizing or overcompensating for anything. Yeah, how about this though? So the other thing was I was very into punk rock as a kid

and what I liked is there was like a costume. So I had the crazy hairdo that would distract you from me. I had crazy clothes on that would distract you. And this character I was playing was seen as super confident. Girls were like, oh, this guy's so confident. He's got this crazy hairdo no one else does. But it was a total illusion.

That's a lot to do with it, 100%. That confidence level is something that I've worked on a lot. Over the pandemic, I was so fortunate and I have a tattoo of him right here, Diamond Dallas Page, man, one of my heroes in my life. Who's he? I'm sorry. Diamond Dallas Page is a WCW legend, like an old wrestler,

and he started this thing called DDP yoga, and it's this mixture of yoga and calisthenics. It saved a lot of people, gotten a lot of people that were injured back on the field. There's this guy, Arthur Borman, you can check out on YouTube, and this guy was 300-something pounds and was on Walker. Ended up doing DDP for this little time, and his whole body healed

And it's miraculous man. It was running 5k's after that and it's rehabilitation and calisthenics and it's changed so many people's lives And it's been a beautiful thing and I spent about six months or so with DDP and we talk once a week And he just got this thing and I mean it's like it's really the story you tell yourself once you own this six-inch piece Of real estate between your ears and there was so many things I was doing when regards to my weight when I was coming up I really had a lot of insecurities and a lot of beating down of myself and was also what was fueling my alcohol and my drug abuse It was definitely because of a lot of insecurities that I was scared I'd even watch some old plays and I see myself doing this number while I'm doing plays

and not really being confident on stage and I used to hate watching myself or hearing my voice and there was the time that I went through with him that I constantly have to tell myself. These little bitty things, like when you look yourself in the mirror and say, I love you, you are beautiful. It took me forever to get to a point

where I even want to take my shirt off in front of people. You know, I even just the other day, I did this shoot. I had to be just kind of shirtless. As confident as I feel with my shirt off now, doing a shoot that's gonna be on a Times Square billboard or something. Oh my God, scared to death doing that. Of course! There's 50 people on this shoot that are just staring at me like, okay now turn this way.

And I've just never been that exposed to a people's like eye. They're like, come here, let me get some makeup here. Let's get some more oil going right here. They're finding problems. They're making adjustments. Oh god, pulling my shorts down. I've never been in that place. It was a really big eye-opening thing for me.

You have to accept yourself, and that's like the hardest thing in the world to do. And when I see people like my beautiful girl now, she's just got the perfect body. For her to have body dysmorphia, we all have that, and there's nobody more beautiful that doesn't have the same thing going on. When I stopped feeling so alone in that,

and I started just accepting this as what I have. So I do think a lot of this was to take away from the, especially these tattoos all in here, it was distract you from my gut or my boobs to kind of give you something else to look at. There was a lot to do with that for sure, brother. Of course. And what's funny is I think that the route to liking yourself,

Monica and I have too many conversations about this, but if you're comparing yourself to Brad Pitt, yeah, you're out, I'm out. There's nothing we can do if we're comparing ourselves. But if we remember that actually novelty is what's so beautiful. Yeah, come on. In specific, like, no, no, that's what you look like.

And you, as defined by who you are and your character, you're the physical representation of your spirit, and we can all come to think everyone's super attractive. If that inside's good and you recognize like, oh, I'm the only one who looks like this. Anytime I can really hone in on that feeling of like, this is the only one, that's awesome. It's not Brad Pitt, but I'm the only one like this.

And you're the only one like that, Monica's the only one like that. Although I am starting to wonder now with AI and the sim that there's just like 10 cookie cutters. We're all just 10 cookie cutters with like a little bit of different hair. You know, I can see that. There are certain types. Yes. A big thing for me too is I stop worrying about what I look like in pictures now because I see myself on stage and people post these pictures of me and I'm just like, looking crazy.

And so nowadays I don't really worry about the way I look because you can't control the way you look. The way I look at myself in the mirror is probably even still a fixed up version of myself. I know before I even walked to the mirror, I already got the face picked out and I don't even know I'm choosing. Right, yeah. I'm cool Joe today.

As soon as I leave the mirror, this little sucking I had going is immediately out. You're so right. I don't think any of us have any true idea of what we look like. No, we don't have no clue. This'll comfort you. Bradley Cooper was on here saying

that he genuinely thought when he won Sexiest Man Alive that it was like a bit, that people were fucking with him. He sincerely thought that. You're like, well, that's comforting. He is sexy. Yeah, he's sexy as a motherfucker. My God. Yeah.

Okay, let's get to you writing Lose Control. Because you're prolific, you have that six months of focus, you get signed, you have two EPs, and then within two years of that, you're releasing I've Tried Everything But There Be Part One, your album. You're writing hundreds of songs, right? Yeah, I just got back a couple days ago from another writing camp, we were there five days, and split up into two rooms, the eight of us, and? Yeah, I just got back a couple of days ago from another writing camp.

We were there five days and split up into two rooms, the eight of us, and our turnout, probably 20 songs. Writing Lose Control, I think, was the one that we'd kind of been building this sound for a long time. I was also in a really toxic thing at the time with an ex I was with. It was bender to bender, and I think we both kind of got to this place of being really codependent

on this lifestyle we were sharing, and these high highs, these little loves. Lifting each other up out of shame all the time or piling on shame all the time. Leveraging each other's shame against each other. That shit exactly bro, you knew that too well. We kind of were into that place and weirdly enough we wrote that song In The Door too which is top 42 on the same day. I had broke down that day and was just sobbing and sobbing about the situation

because it just seemed like it couldn't get better and every time I was doing something, it was like, worry, what are you doing? I was coming to a head with her and our situation. By the way, that's already a familiar pattern because mom thought you were doing bad stuff you weren't doing. Yeah.

So like the familiarity. I think so. Yeah, we mistake familiarity, I think, a lot with. Comfort. Comfort and love and all these things. I think there was just always that piece of it. There's a lot of patterns that I will say that I chose in toxic relationship I had with my mom

at some point in my childhood. Yeah, that's what we do. Yeah, we all do that. It's so weird too, because we had written these songs about this certain thing and it's so nuts that we wrote The Door, for instance, The Night I Saved My Life When I Showed You The Door, and I wrote this song and I was talking about this song,

and I didn't even realize, because I was just numbing myself to the situation. Like I knew the song, Lose Control, was going to be special. I knew it was going to change my life. I knew we had nailed it, but it wasn't until way later after it came out and I got out of this situation that I like listened to that song, and then I listened to The Door,

and I listened to a lot of those songs we wrote then and a lot of that album, and I was like, my subconscious was telling me what I should be doing and trying to save me and I was just numbing it, not even hearing it for what it was. I heard my own words back to me a few months later, just broke down in my car like, what? Where was I for myself?

Myself was like talking to me. I was putting things into words that I needed to hear with friends that wanted to also tell me what I needed to hear and I was so numb to that. I love the idea that songs can do this because I write and often I've written on experiences I've had, and as I'm writing them, I don't really understand them.

And then I read what I've written afterwards, and all of a sudden I go, oh, okay, now I actually understand it, but I had to write it first. And that's cool that a song can do that as well. I think that's the beauty of writing, though, because I find that if you're going through an issue, and you come to me, I got the exact advice to give you but if I'm going through that I'm a fucking wreck. Yeah of course.

I think it's just turning yourself into something that you can read that gives you advice to yourself. You need some distance from yourself. Exactly when you turn your words into a friend that somebody else would say to you then you're like oh thanks bro. Appreciate it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're so close to the thing. The separation from yourself is really truly like, okay, I see it now. I'm having nightmares every night

and I'm freaking out about this thing. I didn't know that it was that cut and dry in my brain, but I had clouded it up with so much shit and I was running from it so much and I just couldn't catch up to myself. It's kind of crazy how brilliant the subconscious is. It's mad, dude. Well, it's there to protect you too.

Sometimes we're not ready to feel it or understand it. So when you're ready is when you can hear it. So maybe you just weren't there yet. Certainly not. To some degree, I wish I would have listened to myself sooner, but it's so great that I did go through those things and I was able to talk about them in a way and put them in a song in a way that was actually

super life-changing for me and turned it into such a positive thing and now I touched so many people and I hear beautiful stories about it touching people's lives and changing people's lives and when we play those songs or they come on in a party everybody can celebrate to this absolute pain and turn it into something we can revel in and we can celebrate this pain and agony and that's such a beautiful thing. Well you give people the gift of not feeling alone because they can feel what you're going through.

And they do the same for me, too, and it's a powerful fucking thing. 2.6 million streams. It's fucking nuts. Wow, wow, wow. That's crazy. I mean, the title of the album is I've Tried Everything But Therapy, Part One, and then I did hear you in another interview say that you're terrified to change because you're afraid that all that stuff is the source of all the creativity.

And I'm wondering how you feel a year out from all that. Have you gone to therapy? I guess that's the first question. Because I think I got the guy for you. Really? Yeah. I would love to try. I'm guessing, I'm projecting.

But I have a very hard time. I'm a paradox. I want everyone's adoration and when I get everyone's adoration I can't feel it or experience it or accept it. And then that leaves me feeling completely fraudulent and unworthy of it. And then my reaction to it has been so varied,

like I don't wanna take pictures. Why? Well, the truth is, because I don't really feel worthy of you wanting a picture with me. So I'm annoyed, I'm experiencing being annoyed, but that's not even what was going on. It was like, oh no, I just actually don't feel like

I deserve to be in someone's photo. And this dude that I've been working with for two and a half years has got me to a place where I totally accept it. And it's been crazy breakthrough for me. And it's decompressed all the highs and lows of it. Connect with him. Yeah, yeah.

I think that's been the biggest thing is if I've talked to somebody here and there and DDP is the closest guy I've got to it cause he's also been able to help me navigate this growth in this rocket ship and how fast life is changing right now. I would love to talk to somebody that knows those kinds of things. Cause just going to a traditional therapist,

I mean, they can help. You're a pretty foreign object for them. Yeah, and I want to talk to somebody that knows what I'm going through right now on the journey to become whatever it is I'm aiming to do. And don't you have this poll, or I have this poll, which is to acknowledge I am good would be sacrilegious. That's flying too close to the sun, right?

That God's gonna smite me if I actually believe I'm worth having. Yeah, absolutely. But it's so awful though. Then you don't experience any of the wonderful magical things that are happening to you because you think to do so would be to anger the gods, that you would be getting too big and bold and egomaniacal, just to accept.

Not to parade around like I'm Teddy Swims, but just to fucking accept it. Yeah, totally. That that's okay and you're not smiting anyone, you're not flying too close, you're not flying too close, you're not an egomaniacal asshole. You're just like going, I can own the fact that I opened up my mouth in 2.6 billion times,

people wanted to hear that, because I found something special. It's hard. Please, I'm right there, yeah, thank you. See it right through me, yeah, for certain. And then when you're drunk, you can accept it. Oh yeah, I'm the best. Yeah. Now, no worries about being too eg. Oh, yeah, I'm the best. Yeah.

Now, no worries about being too ego maniacal when I'm hammered. I'm in some sort of a grunt. I find too that my writing, you know, using that as a tool, it allows me to feel like my ideas are super strong. And sometimes I'll have the same ideas if I'm sober, but it's been taking me forever because I'll be like, oh, maybe this could be, or maybe this could be a chorus like this. But when I'm a drunk asshole, I'm like up and like, dude, what if it's been taking me forever because I'll be like oh maybe this could be or maybe this could be a chorus like this but when I'm drunk asshole I'm like

up and like dude what if it's yeah yeah yeah you know and I'm just jumping around I'm like this is it okay this is the next part there's this confidence to me and this song is great to me that even if after the next day it's absolute garbage I was so confident and every part of it was correct you weren't afraid to take a huge swing enough I feel like sometimes in the room, I'm trying to now learn you don't have to be hammered to write a good song. You could not drink and write a great song.

And learning that has been a pivotal thing in my life. Yeah, because the broken math in your equation, it's not being drunk that allows you to do that. It's confidence that allows you to do that. And that's just a version of getting confidence. And there's other versions. But the fear that the magic that is you would disappear without it is bullshit.

If anything, it might be hindering. It's absolute bullshit for sure. And also will dictate whether you get to do this for five more years or 40 more years. Yeah, exactly. But entertainment slithered with that. I mean, Jackie Gleason never performed sober. In his mind, he couldn't do stand up sober.

He couldn't be in movies sober. He acted hammered. But that was a lie. Jackie Gleason could have been Jackie Gleason without anything. Last year I did my first Europe tour sober and I did this year most of it sober and I try to make sure I take those times

to try to do shows, but I always find that when I'm going back into doing shows sober, the first couple were just absolute nerve wracking. Oh my God, I don't have this energy, but the energy is gonna be there as soon as you hear the adoration and the love in the room, It just turns right on. It's walking to the wings of the stage Yeah, once you're at the stage looking doesn't something take over you? Yeah, absolutely

I don't need it, but for some reason there's that piece of my brain that says I'm just funny or I'm cooler It's scary all this stuff alcohol removes fear. It literally removes inhibition, that's what it does. So everything that's objectively scary becomes less scary, but you have to like get through the fear four times and then it's over, does that make sense? Absolutely. Although I will say one time I interviewed Monica in Denver, our guest fell out, their plane didn't come,

so she became the subject of the live interview and we got some wine bottles out there Yeah, yeah, I drink I'm not saying that I'm immune to this That's why I can say that because it makes things less daunting all of it makes time change It works it works It makes it so much easier to get to know somebody and not be afraid to step out and be like, yeah What's up innovations are just, yeah. There's a piece of me that always loves me that way.

I love that guy. But also that guy can be achieved without. Totally. But I just haven't figured that guy out yet. Well, you're 31. Hey, this guy is awesome. You're young. You have time.

Yeah. I got sober at 29. Also, it's funny, when you're in it, you do love the person. You love the drunk version of yourself or the inebriated version or whatever, but if you're on video and Then you see You don't like that. I don't know. I have a zone Monica. I got a sweet spot Like I can watch that video

Well, yeah, we used to take so much video back when I was drinking. And yeah, there's a sweet spot. There's one in particular. We go on this tubing trip in Michigan. We get on the bus, we're running a lot of video and we're only about seven, eight beers deep. And then we decide, let's do a second run down the river

three hours later after drinking. And then the footage from that parking lot, I'm not as funny as I thought I was. That one right there is a little, yeah. Tipped. Yeah. Stay tuned for more of Firefighter Expert, if you dare. So you're going out on tour soon.

So you're going out on tour soon. You're going back to Europe. We're going to Australia on the first lot. We're doing our first arenas in Australia and New Zealand. Arenas, dude. Which is huge. That's so cool. How exciting. So you start in New Zealand and then you go to Australia.

It's my favorite place in the world. Australia, you've already been. Yeah, we've been out there every year we go and we've been building this thing up to be to that point. The big thing about touring now is that it's such a different business now than it used to be. You can have a hit and not be able to sell a 500 cap room and you could be number one song

and not be able to sell those tickets. Frames doesn't quite put asses in the seats. We go and we played everything from the 300 cap to the thousand cap to the 1500 cap. Every place that'll let us in that we haven't played at, we're playing. Whether it's a 5,000, 10,000, whatever it is, We go and we played everything from the 300 cap to the thousand cap to the 1500 cap every place It'll let us in that we haven't played at we're playing whether it's a five thousand ten thousand, whatever it is We're playing those places We're putting that flag down somewhere you have to do that in order to maintain because I know it now if anything else doesn't get

Any bigger in my career than this all the new music I ever put out I have a foundation of people that will always come see me or have kids are growing up on me that I'll also bring their Kids eventually if I'm so lucky to do this for that long. You have to build your touring business is so different than your music. Well, right. You don't make any money anymore selling albums. If you don't have a touring business, you don't have much of a business. You can have a number one hit and not sell 300 tickets.

It's crazy how that can work. How do you like having money? How's it going? It's great. Have you bought anything stupid? How's it going? Oh, it's great Stupid I've bought anything stupid when we hit number one me and my manager we got the Cartier tanks together, which is really cute Okay, my stupid little vibe, but it was like my first little watch I bought a new Bronco to you last year and I've got the fucking wild track the Raptor engine it when I moved out here Full-time I was like I gotta get a damn Bronco

But other than that I haven't done anything other than I send my mom money every month. But also you learned early on, you said, the house with your dad, with the love was more important to you than the house with the stuff. And so that's a good lesson to learn early. Yeah, the first thing I did when I got signed to Warner was get my dad a Ford F-150 Lariat.

We'd been breaking down and pushing and I could put a damn starter trends, but whatever the fucking anything. So I got him a real good truck when I first got signed, first big purchase I made. Oh, that's so sweet before you got yourself on it. Yeah, he's my hero. I haven't really done anything stupid yet.

I spent a lot of money on food. I will always go get every fucking appetizer there is. I don't mind dropping a bag on a meal for me and my friends. That's where I'll go crazy. And you live in LA now? Yeah, at Sherman Oaks. You like it?

I love it. It took me a minute to find my footing. You know, the people I like to see, the places I like to go. So many people like to be seen places rather than be places here. And once you find that grounding, Sherman Oaks has been like, back home in Atlanta, I bought a Camry there. I'm not gonna look like a Target. You know what I mean?

They'll take the fucking tires off your shit if you got something nice. Sure, sure, sure. You gotta leave the window down, door is unlocked, nothing of value in your car, just make it easy for them to get in there. Sign that says unlocked on the outside of the door. Please don't bust the window, it's unlocked.

Well listen, Teddy, it's been so great to talk to you. I loved getting to see you perform. I feel so lucky about that. Did you stick around for Jon Batiste? No, I didn't get to. We were doing the schmooze thing, so I didn't get to say. He's incredible, though. Between you and him that night,

it was such an embarrassment of riches. That was quite a party. I love that. Yeah. Embarrassment of riches. What a beautiful way to say. But it was so nice meeting you there, and I'm so glad you came in and chatted with us.

And I hope everyone checks you out on tour. Where do people go to get tickets? PettySwims.com probably. That's a good website to have. You don't have to do like Teddy Swim. Teddy Swims sings like that could have been a backup. Oh sure, you're right. You know, make it confusing.

Is he swimming or singing? .edu. Oh yeah, I did. I actually one night, first time I ever met Max Martin. I was working with my buddy Johan, the last story I'll tell you. We were there and we were eating food and Max comes in and I was so stoked. Max Martin's the biggest producer ever, right? And so my buddy Johan says, hey Max, I'd like you to meet somebody.

This is Teddy. Teddy Swims. And he gave me this look like, does he? Like as he saw my stature. He's like, no Teddy Swims is his name, he's a singer. He goes, this is my daughter. This is Doris, Doris Bicycle.

Oh, that's great. Because to be at his house, I must be damn good at swimming. But 5'7", 260 pounds, there's no fucking way that guy's a fucking gold champion. Does he? That's hilarious. This is my friend. Have you worked with him?

I have not worked with Max. Do you have a dream collab? Yeah, man, Adele, certainly. Oh, you guys would be great together. Of course, Stevie, Paul McCartney, while they're still here. We're gonna manifest that. I like that pic, Adele.

Me too. Yeah, she's the fucking one, bro. John Mayer? Yeah, I got a chance to write with him one time. Oh, you did? Yeah, but we kind of wrote a couple choruses and I spent a day with him and it was just beautiful, bro. He's fucking cool.

I love it. I love how much you love him. You're gonna have him tattooed on your legs soon. All right, Teddy, great having you in. Thanks so much for coming. Everybody go see you on tour. Go to teddieswims.com. Be well.

Stay tuned for the fact check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong. We have numbers? Okay, it sucks that Rob's not here because I saw this in the comments and could this possibly be true? It said, loved seeing Wobby Wob on Celebrity Family Feud. Yeah, he told us he did that. He did? Yeah. I feel he told us he did that. He did?

Yeah. I feel like I would definitely remember that. Yeah, he did it with, I think, Rachel Billson's show. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Did he win money, prizes? That I don't know. What if he had a new car when he came to work? That would be cool.

Can you win a new car on Celebrity Family Feud? Or do you probably have to play for a charity if you're doing celebrity, right? It should be. Like Wheel of Fortune, I almost called it Spin the Wheel, but I think that was the show I was on. Yeah. Mine was just maybe called The Wheel.

No, I think it was Spin the Wheel. No, because he also had The Wall. What do you owe me? Oh. Like a cake or something? Yeah, I'll buy you a big, big cake. Okay. I think it's called The Wheel.

I'm hoping it's, I think the more I say. I think it's called The Wheel. I'm hoping it's... I think the more I say I think it's called The Wheel as you search it, that'll up the odds that I was... Spin the Wheel. It is? Yep. Spin the Wheel 2019. There you are. That's you.

But hold on, hold on. Spin the Wheel was our saying. No. It wasn't called The Wheel. No, look. Look at the Wikipedia. Oh yeah, it says spin the wheel. Oh God.

Boy, that was rough. I had a hard time surrendering. Yeah, you did. I'm there now though. Okay, but anyways, how exciting Wabiwa was on Family Feud. Well, I think we should ask him if he won. I'm sure I asked and I don't remember. Yeah, what do you think he'd be more prone to remember,

that he was a big winner or a big loser? Big winner. He would remember if he was a big loser. We all would. No, I think he would remember if he was a big loser, but the world would remember if he was a big winner. That's a nice way to think of it. Yeah.

I just think we all take losses pretty hard is my point. Personally though, that's what I'm saying, but the rest of us don't. No, we don't care. We like people more when they lose, that's the funny thing. Not really, I don't think so. Because I saw some other stuff yesterday. Rob was in another game show they didn't tell us about?

No, well I talked about an unsink just now, so it feels redundant. But I did find some other comments on another person's page, not ours, because I know not to look at ours. but I did find some other comments on another person's page, not ours, because I know not to look at ours. I gotta say, while you're on that topic, the comments are getting so funny now, because they say, I just read them this morning, it says, Monica, I love your outfit,

hope you're not reading this. Now they're all like, I love your outfit, I hope you're not reading this. It's an interesting thing we've invented, kind of, I think. I don't think any other comments go that way. I appreciate those people who are like that. And I'm not seeing it. Well a lot of people really loved your outfit

from the Moonshowsen episode. Oh, my black shirt. Oh, here's the thing. This is a theater, no, continue on with the comments you read and then earmark other comments I read. Okay, so I went to a new dermatologist yesterday all the way in Santa Monica. I'm sorry, esthetician, all the way in Santa Monica.

Yes. I'm not sure if she's a dermatologist or an esthetician. Yeah, who knows? Everyone plays it kind of fast and loose. Exactly. She's all the way in Santa Monica, but worth it, worth the trip. I also, you know, I always do this figuring out of hacks of time.

So I went early and then I stayed in Santa Monica until eight. The whole night. Yeah. What did you do? I met Molly for a quick like hour after and then she had to leave and then I just worked. Okay. And where did you, did you eat somewhere fun? Did you eat at R&D?

No, we went to Baltaire, which is in Brentwood. That's where Molly and I met, and then I just stayed at Baltaire for another two hours. Loitering. Yeah, I was loitering. At first I had my computer out, and then that felt like it wasn't the right space for that. Right.

So I just, I did it via my phone. Oh, wow. So yeah, anywho, but then it was great, because it was only a 30 minutes home, and then I stopped for Go Greek. Oh, in Beverly Hills? No. In Studio City. Oh, it's open.

Yeah, it's so good. Oh, wow. And I'm PMSing. Okay, congratulations. So, thank you. Things have been so topsy-turvy. I feel very overwhelmed and stressed out. I also feel really clumsy.

Like everything's falling down. I've been meaning to tell you. What, you broke something? I scratched the whole side of my car. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, I've been trying to ignore it. You drug it along something? I was pulling out of the gas station and there was that pole.

Oh, wow. And I thought I could get through, because there was someone behind me. Yeah. And then I couldn't get through. Yeah. And I am annoyed by my beautiful car that I do love so much. Yeah. I am annoyed by it because it beeps at everything except when I hit my car.

I don't understand. Well, to be fair to the car, it has sensors on the bumpers in front and in back. Why not on the side? Because no one's really side swiping things. They're parallel parking. Okay. All the time. Okay.

Don't you also just come to ignore all the beeping? Because I think the beeping, like all the well intention, people just end up filing it into white noise. That's fair, I could do that. If I'm in a car, of course all mines are turned off, I can't stand all those detection things. Like leave it to me, you know. I can handle myself.

Yeah, but when I'm in a rental car, in someone else's car and they have all that shit, I just, I don't even listen. It's overly cautious. Well, except not when it counts. Side swiping, yeah, it doesn't have any sensors. Cause think if you opened your door, it would start beeping as the, I don't know.

I don't know why. It seems like at this point, they should be able to know when you're about to hit a pole. Hit a pole, yeah. Did it dent it or just scrape it? I think it's just scraped. I honestly haven't looked too hard because I'm too stressed.

That's a good method. Often if I scratch my wheels parallel parking, I don't let myself look at it when I get out of the car. I just carry on with whatever I'm going to do because if it's in my head when I get to wherever I'm going, it's just going to ruin my whole thing. And I have succeeded sometimes in forgetting to even look at it.

And then weeks later I'm like, ooh, that rim's fucked up. But now it's like someone else did it. Oh God, okay, yeah, so whatever. That's part of the PMS. And of course, I was like, of course this happened because I don't know how I'm functioning. I feel crazy. There's a busy doozy.

There's a big one. It is, they're getting worse. They're getting bigger. I think because perimenopause. No, I know you read that book, but you're not there yet, okay? There'll be plenty of time for you to be peri- Perimenopausal.

Perimenopausal. I know, but it seems odd that they're getting worse and blood's getting less, but the symptoms are getting worse. It's not great. It's. Like, it's not great. It's not great. It's not great. Anyway, you're at my apartment right now. Right, I just wanted to say behind the curtain,

because we're doing work on the attic, we recorded here and you said I need to warn you my house is a disaster. And then I just walked in and there's a lot of cargo in the living room. There's tons of huge boxes. Some say bounty on them, not a sponsor, but let's give you a free plug, Bounty Paper Towel.

There's a huge box of paper towels. And then an enormous box of toilet paper, like enough for barracks of an army base. I didn't mean to do this. Yes, and you told me you didn't realize the quantity was so big, but I was actually envious and I'm like, I can't find that quantity on Amazon. And then I was like, is there a portal

for like big box shopping on Amazon that you wandered into accidentally where all the units are like 100 plus? Anyways, you had a very funny joke because there's a lot of boxes. And then I said, oh, I'm going to grab something to drink. You said, oh, let me get it for you. You didn't want me to go into the kitchen. And then when I was in the kitchen, you said, oh, I'm gonna grab something to drink. You said, oh, let me get it for you. You didn't want me to go into the kitchen.

And then when I was in the kitchen, you said, are you gonna call in a wellness check? I'm not gonna call in a wellness check. But then I sat down on the couch and I noticed you don't have a shade on your lamp. Yeah, that really worried you. Well, I'll tell you why. That looks like you were fucking partying. Like That looks like you were fuckin' partying.

That looks like you were drinking hard in here and lamps got knocked over. So that to me signals a different thing, muscle memory. Although of course you didn't do that. But when you add in all the boxes and the other stuff and then there's, I think the lamp shade got broken last night, then it looks a little bit more like you've been in here for four or five days drinking.

Or shooting up. Well, no, you're very docile when you shoot up. You would have just sat on the couch. You wouldn't have made this paper mess. Okay, well, the lampshade is aesthetics because I got a beautiful lampshade. Just afraid to say fucking anything, but I have a beautiful lampshade

that I got when I was in New York earlier this year. And it has a pattern. And the lampshade that I got when I was in New York earlier this year. And it has a pattern and the lampshade that was on this lamp that you are noting, which is a table lamp, also had a beautiful pattern, but they don't go together. It's too much beautiful pattern. So I had to take one off. It's too busy.

I got you. Okay. This is meticulous style. Well, yeah, it requires a lot of tinkering. Also, one of those boxes is a food processor from Prime Day. Oh, really? Yeah. They had a bargain and you, oh.

Yeah, that was exciting. Oh, wonderful. Okay, now back to, I went to the dermatologist. I found this person from another podcast to Niche, which I have shouted out on here. Remember, cause I said, I was surprised by the way the host looked because I had a whole vision in my head

and then they didn't match that, which was funny. It's just funny when you have an idea in your head and then it doesn't match up, in which I immediately followed with, I assume this happens all the time to me, which is interesting. All to say, when I said that on that episode, they took that clip and they did a video of them

reacting to it, which was very funny. And they're great, I love them. They posted that and that's that. So then when I went to the dermatologist, I came back, I DM'd the host of that show because she had shouted out this place and I said, I just tried this place that you recommended and thanks for recommending it basically.

And so when I was on the page, I saw that video again and I was like, oh yeah, that was funny and I clicked it and then. You got into the comments. Yeah. Yeah. And. And they were so mean.

Oh they were. Yeah. Oh, to them or to you? Me. To you. Yes. Oh my God, Monica. I'm very sorry.

Classic insufferable Monica. Oh my God. Mean stuff. Mean stuff. And I'm already feeling sensitive and topsy-turvy and wellness checky. Uh-huh, too many paper towels, too much toilet paper, no lampshades.

Wasn't the time for me to see that. When was that, yesterday? Yeah, yesterday night. Oh boy. Okay. Okay, well we're gonna get through all this. We are. We're in a moment of processing all this and I'm gonna go to the gym. And then I was like, oh, I'm gonna go to the gym. And then I was like, oh, I'm gonna go to the gym. And then I was like, oh, I'm gonna go to the gym. And then I was like, oh, I'm gonna go to the gym.

And then I was like, oh, I'm gonna go to the gym. And then I was like, oh, I'm gonna go to the gym. And then I was like, oh, I'm gonna go to the gym. And then I was like, oh, I'm gonna go to the gym. And then I was like, oh, I'm gonna go to the gym. And then I was like, oh, I'm gonna go to the gym. And then I was like, oh, I'm gonna go to the gym. And then I was like, oh, I'm gonna go to were really warranted and I was very grateful to have gotten that criticism

and then we got the expert and it was wonderful. So everything worked out that way. But I saw a handful of comments this morning on the Moon Chousen episode and several people were like, this shit had a trigger warning. And I was a little bit like, the fucking episodes Moon Chousen by proxy. Like how can you go, like I don't understand how,

if I go see Friday the 13th, I don't need a trigger warning, this is what it is. That seems redundant. Yeah. Yeah, so I guess I didn't agree with that. Yeah, I mean, it was just a reminder that the internet is a scary place. Yeah, it's a scary place.

I don't like it there. Like, I really don't like it there. I think eventually in life, not right now. You'll leave there. I think I'm gonna not be on there forever. Yeah, look, I'm on there and I love it. And I also think that a better version of myself would exist without it and probably everyone.

We feel so peaceful. Yeah, how about what would you miss? Cause there are, so you got to DM the host of that, and that's great. I love that. Like using it as a phone book is radical. Yeah. Or like I started following, of course, George Kittle today, and I wrote him a really lengthy DM

about how radical I think he is. Yeah. And so that's lovely. I want to be able to do that. Well, it's nice to share positive things. Of course, anytime anyone is able to share anything positive or thank people, yes, that's great, but it is not used for that

most of the time. And it just, it bums me out personally, of course, but it really, I get very heady about humanity. Right. And that's not good for me to think the world is bad and that people are bad. I wonder if there's been like some big meta analysis of what percentage are bad.

I'd be curious. Cause I think it's, I think it's, yeah, mean or bad or negative. Cause I think it's probably, as we know, we've had neurologists explain this, like the chemicals for negativity are stronger than, right? Nine people say, I love you. One person says, you're a bitch.

It's a stronger chemical response. So I wonder if it's outweighed in our head and it's actually smaller, like let's just say theoretically, they did this huge analysis and they found out only 7% of stuff on Instagram was negative. It's still, I don't like it. You don't like it.

It might be small, I'm just suggesting, it might be smaller than we think. I'm sure it, I don't think it is. It's a breeding ground for people who might not in life behave that way, but for some reason, this anonymity, and I think it brings out the worst in people. Well, it's like how people behave in a car as well.

Right, exactly. That's a very fascinating one. It is, and some people, of course, again, you're right, there's so many nice people on there. There's so many people that are like, no, she's just kidding or whatever. A lot of defense, which is sweet. But then even that, even when you say,

this is why you can't take any of it because first of all, it's a roller coaster. You're like, oh, that's nice. Oh my God, that's horrible. Like it's too much. And there was like one person who said, no, no, no. I like that you have a voice picked out for her. Yeah, yeah, you already have a voice picked out.

Because it was nice, but she said, she delivers things weird, but she means well. Oh, okay. And I was like, that's actually not helpful. Yeah, and then of course, you know, I'm like, do I deliver things weird? Like, what is happening? Now, I will tell you this.

Okay. You're not interested in my approach to all this, but I'm gonna tell it to you So like when I'm on other people's things like I was on Theo Vons podcast. Mm-hmm I'm not gonna dare look at those comments. I was on Peter Atiyah's I'm not gonna dare like I saw his post of our interview and I'm like Stay away because people don't love you, because they're there for that host. And then I also, this could be my story,

but I also think a lot of people on the right think I'm like a super far left liberal. And so I'm just immediately, no matter what I say, I'm a libtard perpetuating this terrible. So I just know in an audience, like if I go on a show where an audience is more right leaning, I just don't even, I would never even glance at that

because I just assume a couple hundred of those listeners are just gonna, it's a great opportunity to sound off about the left. In those instances, I do choose to think, well, Theo's got a million listeners, and I bet most of them just liked it, because we like each other. Yeah.

And then there's gonna be this handful that are gonna come out hard, because it's sitting right there. Anyway, so. Anywho. Oh, see, that's someone in their car, laying on their horn. They're so mad.

And they would never in line at a grocery store go, eh, like they wouldn't just yell. Yeah, I did get really paranoid. The person who said I was insufferable and that had like 22 hearts, I clicked on her. Okay. And she was private so I couldn't really see much. But then I was looking at her picture and trying,

you know, I've become crazy, these things. Who the enemy is, yeah, you gotta identify who to look out for. These things, it's so contagious in such a negative way. So yeah, I'm looking at her and then I thought, what if this person is one of the people who's come up to me and said something nice? Oh, sure. And then I started to get paranoid about all the people

who come up and say nice things. I'm like, well, what if they're nice in person? Because people are nice in person, but then they go. Then they're alter ego. Yeah. Yeah, kichwitch. Your sister? Why do they think that's Callie's?

What's hers? Kichwitch was your sister's cooking thing. Yeah, what's Callie's? What's hers? Kitschwitch was your sister's cooking thing. Yeah, what's Callie's? K-Watch. So close. There's a W and a C and an H and a K. She's private though, so don't follow her. Okay, well, you could apply.

That's how you do it when someone's private. You apply to be their friend. I've applied to many people's. Me too. I actually think it's fun, because then it's harder to get. Yeah. Can I bore you with one update that's very long overdue,

but people so deserve to finally hear an explanation, because God bless the F1 listeners. We had a really, really wonderful fan base for that show that was super supportive and they really liked it and we really enjoyed, we got to meet a ton of them when we went to the race and stuff. And of course we didn't do it this season and so many people were, I don't want to say,

they wanted the show, understandably. And obviously, now that we've announced that we're going to Wondry, because of the nature of when that show would have started and ended, I would have been in the middle of a contract if I had resumed it for a second season. Would have hugely impacted Armchair. Expert, that's the show we're currently on.

Yeah, that's our show. I also couldn't talk about that for the last four months while that was all happening and people were getting more and more agitated why there was no explanation. So my deepest apologies, that's what was going on. Additionally, I'll add, I did get a kind of a cease and desist letter from Formula One in the midst of all this.

Really? Yes, yes. Yes. How about why? I almost want to read you my response to the lawyers, but we got this long letter from their lawyers basically saying that the name of our show can't be F1 because there's a trademark on F1, which by the way, it's- It's EFF. WON, so they insisted we take down all of our videos.

And I wrote back one of my, once a year I write a really mean email. This year was twice. Well, I sent your neighbor quite a heavy handed one, as you recall. But then I sent them one that was just basically like, we're promoting your show with our love and giving all of our attention and resources to promote your product and this is the response.

I know. I don't, I think it's very short-sighted. Charlie and I were obsessed with this cease and desist letter. I'm like, how do you explain this? Do they have an official F1 podcast? No. That would be the only thing would be we have this, this is pulling from that. Right, no we were just something then added

a totally different fan base to that sport as well because once again, even F1 tilted female, just like armchair does. That's interesting. Yeah, so my letter was like, you're welcome and we'll see ya. That's a bummer. Yeah, so that was going on there was a legal thing and then there was also our contractual thing and so my many apologies that is the explanation and You know TBD if we do it down the road, we'll see

Yeah, cool. Was there something you said earmarked something the trigger warning? No wanted to earmark. Did I earmark something else as well? Oh my God. This is gonna be a useless story to tell because really it only matters if you see the photographic evidence. So I haven't seen Nate Tuck in a while. Nate Tuck has really become my medicine. That's nice.

Yeah, like if I'm feeling like I'm in the doldrums and I just can't break out of like, I need to get enthusiastic about life again and I'm having a hard time. One breakfast with that son of a bitch sets me straight for like two weeks. So yesterday, completely random, this was a total shot in the dark.

I said, I am mad at myself. I didn't see Bad Boys and I really wanna see it before it leaves the movie theater. Any chance you could go today, this was yesterday. And he's said, oh my God, I can. So we met at Americana at 4 p.m. It's so fun to go meet him at the movies at 4 p.m. Also, it's hot as Hades in L.A., everyone needs to know.

So I was also like, I wanna beat the heat. I love, I get really in the mood to go to the movie theater. You and Kristen love to say beat the heat. You got to beat the heat. It's imperative. And so I have so much muscle memory from not having air conditioning and spending my whole day at the AMC seven

in Santa Monica to beat the heat. I'd buy one ticket and then I go right into every single theater without paying. So we go there and clearly other people are there to beat the heat too, because we get in there and at first we have The entire movie theater to ourselves, which is so fun we're so excited to be in there completely by ourselves and then some older gal wanders in and I mean right away. It doesn't look like she's there for bad boys

It definitely looks like she's there to beat the heat and then she had probably came from another Movie that just ended because she came about five minutes late. And then she just sat down in the very first seat that was offered, the first seat coming out of the hallway. No one would pick that seat in an empty movie theater. Okay, there's a lot of clues here. She sat down and then within seven or eight minutes she was out cold.

She was beating the heat by going. Oh, she was taking a nap. Yes, I mean, I'm talking dead asleep. And there was one point where the action got so loud that in her sleep, she covered her ears. And you're not gonna like this, but of course, I started taking pictures. And it's not a good look for me to do that,

but tell me you're not happy I did this. I want you to scroll to the left, okay? There was a couple times where we thought she passed, as you can see in the photos. This is why this story's not very good, because of course I'm not gonna post these pictures, but, oh, okay, but now, did you find the one where she's sleeping

with her hands over her ears, because there's tons of gunfire and explosives going off. She's so upset that her sleep is getting disrupted. And then the worst was I kept, I had to take, every time she changed position. She looks so hot. Yes, thank you, you agree, right? Our assessment is spot on.

She was like doing her best to beat the heat. She's got a fucking Gatorade bottle in her drink holder. Oh no, electrolytes. She's so sweaty. She is. Yeah, and she kept getting more and more slunk over in the chair. So I was taking pictures and I had taken three or four and it went great.

I just had to hold the camera really still because it's dark in the movie theater. But then one time my flash went off. Dad. And then we like panicked, but she didn't notice at all. And you guys were the only other people? Yes, it's just Nate and I. And this woman who's maybe passing.

And then the end, movie's over, we stand up and we're leaving, we've gotta walk right by her, because again, she sat in the very first seat out of the hallway. And now the young boy who works at the theater is there with his broom and his. He has to shake her awake.

Exactly, so Nate and I, we start chatting with the guy. We're like, what are you, what's your plan here? Are you allowed to touch her? You're gonna have to touch her. No. He's gonna have to. He's gonna have to get close to a man? Yes, he's gonna do all that,

and then she's just gonna, in her sleep, cover her ears. And he's gonna have to touch her, and he's gonna do all that and then she's just gonna in her sleep cover her ears And he's gonna have to touch her and he's like 17. You know, he's a teenager Where is the best place to touch someone to wake them up the shoulder? We talked about that. Oh you did Yeah, you're gonna poke it just same way that guy poked me at the gas station You gotta just give him a poke to the shoulder. Well, that did not go well No, but I wasn't asleep at the movie theater. I actually my instinct is the knee that's too close to the shoulder. Well, that did not go well. No, but I wasn't asleep at the movie theater. I actually, my instinct is the knee. That's too close to the private part.

Yeah, yeah, you're like, you're touching her legs. Shoulders like the... But shoulders close to the breast. Well, no, I think it's the most standard place, point of contact with a stranger. But then what if his finger slips into the nipple? Someone's about to cut you off like you're walking There's gonna be a collision and you've got to actually like touch them you always grab their shoulders

Grab their inner thighs Yeah, interesting. Oh, we loved it like this is the exact type of thing that makes Nate and I so happy just thinking about this Young boy. Yeah, we had a lot of gifts. We love Dane, Eric Dane. He's so handsome. Run to the pot, check him out if you've missed him. I was at the Americana two days before that. Seen a movie?

I was in the heat. I sat outside to work in the heat. You don't really need to beat the heat as much as us Northern Europeans do. Well, I know you like to blame it on that. I do. Even though I think it's just, I have a high tolerance. I know, you want it to be like, you earned it.

Well, I do have a high tolerance. When I got my chin filler and also yesterday, when I went to my new dermatologist, esthetician. Did you get more filler? This is the slippery slope of filler. I didn't, she doesn't do that. You're going. Okay. I didn't, she doesn't do that. We're going weekly now for filler. No, she doesn't do that.

She was doing extractions on my face a lot. Oh, was it awesome? Well, it is, but it does hurt. Because they're putting a needle deep in there? Well, they put a needle at first, but then they like push. Yeah. Yeah, that's disgusting.

But she was like, I can't believe you're handling this like this. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That's disgusting. But she was like, I can't believe you're handling this like this. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And then also that's what they said with the chin filler. So I feel that- And you're cheerleading, yeah. I feel that I have a high pain tolerance.

And so I can also beat the heat on my own. But hold on a second. I think you're conflating two things. Are you in pain while you're outside? Sometimes. Because when I see you're conflating two things. Are you in pain while you're outside? Sometimes. Because when I see you out there baking in my backyard, you're happy. No, I'm happy.

When I'm in the same situation, I'm sweating bullets and I'm like, I gotta get to the movie theater. No, I'm sweating, I was sweating so much in, I mean, it's just an open tap. Yeah, oh, speaking of the devil, and what a nice display of your clumsiness. That bottle's so far from you and you just knocked it over. I know.

Yeah, you'd almost have to use your leg to reach it, and you somehow did. I still did it. Anyway, it's painful, but I can do it, and I like it. Okay, all right. I have a very high pain tolerance too, but I didn't earn it. I just have it. Okay, all right. I have a very high pain tolerance too, but I didn't earn it, I just have it. Well, I earned mine.

Oh, okay. Yours is an accomplishment. Yeah, exactly. Because it is not that it doesn't hurt, it's that I'm unwilling to say it hurts. Oh my God, this is, yeah, did I tell you this great conversation Lincoln and I had on the trip about fear?

I told you I looked up and I saw her on the fourth floor going on the outside of the balcony. Yes, yes, yes. And I waited a few days to bring that up because it's never a good idea right away because you're likely to embarrass the child. So I eventually said a few days to bring that up because it's never a good idea right away because you're likely to embarrass the child. So I eventually said a few days later, I said, hey, I happened to catch your stunt work

and I'm all for it. I think it's radical. I said, I want you to just add in, I want you to lean on that pole on the balcony side first. I want you to test your equipment like you're a stunt person. Like get up on that balcony and lean with all your weight and jerk towards the balcony before you go out on the outside and just trust that it's gonna,

all I'm asking is you add in some safety measures for these fun adventures. So she's like, okay, she took it kind of well. But then we were on a long walk through Copenhagen and she really started getting in her head about it. And we had this long talk, she's like, okay, she took it kind of well. But then we were on a long walk through Copenhagen and she really started getting in her head about it. And we had this long talk. She's like, I just started getting afraid of everything. Like I'm so scared of everything. And when I think about how I'm afraid of everything.

And I said, honey, I'm completely afraid of everything. I think I'm probably the scaredest person you actually know. All this stuff I do is a reaction to the fact that I'm very scared of everything. I'm a scaredy cat. Yeah. I said when I watched the documentary about MotoGP

and I saw the guys dragging their knee on the ground at 130 miles an hour, I was sitting there going, that is so fucking scary. Why are they doing that? It's so scary. I have to do it because the only thing for me worse than being scared is being controlled by something. Being controlled by something is my absolute worst feeling.

And it has led to all of this ostensible bravery. I'm like, I was so afraid of fist fighting, more than all the other kids I knew, but I couldn't be controlled by that fear. And she goes, oh my God, that is exactly what I'm doing too. That's why I gotta go on the outside of the thing because I hate that I'm so afraid of it and I don't wanna be controlled by it.

And then I was wondering how much of people is I hate that I'm so afraid of it and I don't wanna be controlled by it. Interesting. And then I was wondering how much of people who are daredevils, that's in the mix. It doesn't seem so for like Sean White. He just seems to be completely fearless. Yeah. But I wonder what subset are like me and Lincoln, which is like we're doing things,

but we're actually doing them for a completely different reason. Yeah, I bet a lot. And it sounds like your chin thing, because I can relate. Like when I get tattoos, I go, yeah, that's annoying and it's painful, but I refuse to be controlled by it or dominated by it.

And so I will overpower and ignore it. Yeah, I mean, I think there's multiple things always at play. For her, it's interesting because I definitely understand you with being controlled because you were in situations where you had no control. But so she must have her own things around control that you may not know, she may not know yet.

This is the weird privilege of having kids is it starts to challenge your story. So again, I, yes, I think I don't like to be controlled because of the step dads and stuff, but I might genetically be that way. And she might genetically be the way. There's so many, it's not just one or the other. Sure, sure, sure.

It's all this big mix. Yeah, and I think for me with pain, the original thing was, you don't wanna cause any ripples in the ocean so that the more chances of getting removed. Detection. Yeah, but now it's more like I want the result so I don't care about what it takes to get there.

I mean, I push through a lot across life in general. I'll do a lot of things that I think people wouldn't do or stand for or do whatever because I want the result and I can see that. I can always see the end. Yes. Which also probably cheerleading was a big thing. Like yeah, this sucks. Like there's so much of it sucked.

Practice sucked, weight training sucked, but you know why you're doing it and then that works. Right. But you know, you see it. Yeah, you're right. There's a million ways to skin that cat, I guess. Yeah, it's not so simple. No, but I'm shocked pretty regularly about,

just to have witnessed how much of my stuff Lincoln has. Yeah, that is interesting. Without a remotely similar childhood. And just more often than not, I'm going like, oh wow, I'm giving my story a ton of credit. It probably only deserves some. Yeah, exactly. That's wow, I'm giving my story a ton of credit. It probably only deserves some. Yeah, exactly. That's true, I think.

Okay, well, this is for Teddy Swims. Oh, Teddy Swims. Sweet, sweet Teddy Swims. Very sweet. He brought up Covington, Georgia, and he said there's a lot of filming that's happening there. It reminded me that my first acting credit ever is Drop Dead Diva that was shot in Peachtree City.

It was a lifetime show. I think I had two lines. And you did that while you were still living in Georgia? Yeah, after I graduated and I had an agent there, I worked there for a year and that was my first TV credit. And did you join SAG from that? No, it took a while. Okay, you got eligible from that maybe.

Yes, exactly. Did you do any commercial work there in Atlanta? No, I did one hand modeling. Oh, wonderful. And I dropped at Diva maybe one other thing, I can't remember, not very much. I was only there for a year. Maybe an industrial maybe?

Sure. Sounds right. God, I should know the project that I got, SAG. I don't though. It might have been the Herbal Essence commercial. Probably. Probably had to join at that point. Yeah, must join, they call you a must join.

Must join. Another update, on this trip, Lincoln said to me at one point, you really gotta start trimming your leg hair. Why? Well here's the thing, I kinda thought my leg hair was nice. Is this before or after?

This is after. Yeah, it looks trimmed. Yeah. Because yesterday I trimmed it. With what, like clippers? Yeah, clippers. It's not bald, it's just, it got brought down a couple inches.

Is this like the young kids and young kids, I mean 11 are doing? Well she just was like, your legs look crazy, they're so hairy, you really gotta trim them. And I thought, all right, I'll give it a shot. Okay. And I did, and I'm gonna go back. You're gonna go back to hair.

Yeah, I'm gonna go back to full hair. I kinda like hairy legs. Yeah, I don't. I don't like this look. No, no, it looks fine, it looks great. But it does, first of all, I never once noticed that you had hairy legs, which means you probably didn't. Well, I will say, I have a very incongruous hair distribution,

which is I have no hair on my chest, and none of my legs, I don't have much on my stomach. I'm pretty hairless. Cut to legs, legs are fully hairy. They're inordinately hairy, especially given how hairless I am everywhere else. All right, well, I'm glad you tried it. It's always good to try things.

Fuck it, I was like, okay, I'll do this. And then when I was doing it, my sister was in and out of the scene. God, your poor sister. I think she has to witness of her brother. Yeah, I was doing it on the balcony of my room with Lincoln so that the hair will just blow off into your house, hopefully, land in your backyard.

All your rats. Yeah, and my sister goes, what's happening here? And I said, oh, well, Lincoln really thinks it was time for me to trim my leg hair. And she said, oh, what a nice father you have. I used to beg Barton to cut his chest hair and he never would. So I was like, oh, maybe this is a thing.

Kids hate how hairy their parents are. It is so gross for your young, and you're like, why are you so hairy? Well, no, it's just life. God, we're so mean to each other. Ding, ding, ding. Kids in particular, they let it rip. Oh yeah, I wonder if the person who wrote

I Was Inseparable was actually a kid. Could have been a kid who just wanted you to trim your hair. Right. Okay, he talked about the 2007 Warped Tour. Uh-huh. And it reminded me that Callie and I went to Warped Tour. You did? Uh-huh. In 2003, I checked with her the date.

I thought maybe that was the one I had been to. Uh-huh. In Atlanta? Mm-hmm. Was it fun or were you scared? I think I was a little scared, but we also had fun. Callie was more- Adventurous.

Yeah, I don't know if adventurous is the word, but yeah, I guess maybe it's the word. But she was fearless, is that what we're going for? I guess, she wasn't scared. Right, so adventurous. Yeah, but she's not adventurous, that's not a word I would ever use to describe her. Confident, mature.

I think she was, no, I was mature. No, I think she was a little bit more spunky maybe. Okay, savvy? No, I was very savvy. Okay, she was spunky. I forgot to mention this the other day when we were talking about Noah's birthday party, Strawberry Boy.

Max's dad, Robert, I wanna shout out Robert, because he came up to me and he said, Monica, I'm an arm cherry. No. Oh my God. So sweet. He must be such a good dad, if he's an arm cherry. He is a very nice person.

Oh wow. Very nice. Shout out Julie, she also listens, that's Max's mom. Okay, wonderful. While we're at it, I should shout out Cali's dad, Dan, he also listens. I know, all these nice parents, really nice. Oh, I think my friend, okay, I guess I don't need to,

I think my friend Christina's parents listen. Thank you guys. I really, it is so sweet that people who are in our lives, and especially parents, I don't expect any parents to ever be listening to it. Does it scare you at all? I don't like thinking about it. You don't think on it too hard.

Yeah, I don't want to think on it too hard, but I do think it's very kind. Anyway, okay, oh, I wanted to play this. Should we get right up to their mouth on the screen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh He's so good. I admire anyone who tries to do Michael Jackson.

That's why when I saw at the bowl when they did the Quincy Jones retrospective and they had people singing the Michael Jackson songs, I was blown away at a couple of singers that they actually sounded better. So that was impossible. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's so good. Okay, I found the exact timestamp

of the episode of acquired on Swift, where they start talking about the music industry. Okay. And I was gonna listen and then recap it. You're gonna play it? People should just, no, it's long. It's long. But people should listen to that,

because they do such a good job of breaking it all down and how little money streams make and how it's all like broken down between the songwriter and this and that, it's very complex. Okay, so if you go to Acquired and you search Taylor Swift, it starts, because these episodes are so long. Yeah, they're like four hours of them, right? Yeah, it starts at one hour, eight minutes,

and 38 seconds, so I highly recommend that. And then we talk about Max Martin. Max Martin, speaking of Taylor, ding ding ding. They've worked together. Oh, okay. He's just very well-known music producer, huge. Swedish. Ding ding ding.

So wasn't, so was like Dog or whatever, Shania Twain's husband. He was Swedish too or Danish or something. Yeah. I think Swedish. Yeah, that's interesting. Yes, they have a big, you didn't meet anyone when you were there, any music producers?

Maybe that guy who was mad at me at the gas station was a huge music producer. That would explain how like he thought things should be going exactly. Was it this guy? Fuck, that was him. No, no, that man's much younger. Yeah, Max Barton's 53, we should have him on.

That would be great. All right, well, that's it. What's all the facts? Yeah, let me just double check to make sure I got them all. Talked a lot about tattoos. Yeah. I was gonna- Explained to people what a tattoo is? Yeah. Okay. I have one interesting fact about tattoos. I was gonna. Explain to people what a tattoo is?

Yeah. Okay. I have one interesting fact about tattoos. Okay. This perplexed me for like 20 years. Once you learn that your full dermis replaces itself every few years. Like no part of your skin will be here in a few years.

So how the fuck does the tattoo stay? And I asked doctors this question. I asked people for like 20 years. Okay. And finally someone explained to me that what's happening is that the ink is forever sinking. Eww. It just sinks through every new layer of skin that comes.

To the bone? No, no, obviously it doesn't get inside and disappear, but that it just, it sinks as the skin grows up. Isn't that fascinating? I don't really get it. You don't? I mean, I do in some ways, but. Like it's not, well, one interesting thing about that

is like it's not fixed. Knowing that it's sinking, it's almost shocking it doesn't like get obscured more. Right. It's like not permanent, that's what's interesting. It's on the move. It's like forever on the move, sinking down into these new cells that are growing up.

But just through each individual pore though. Yeah, or cell or however the cell works and it incorporates the sinking ink, I guess. Should I look it up? Let's just see. Okay, sure. That's one thing I never did do is search it on the internet, which is curious.

Why don't tattoos disappear? Okay, this says, okay, there's AI says, tattoos can be, I hate that by the way, that now AI is the first thing you see. Yeah, and you just don't know if it's telling you the truth or not. Exactly, but I'll read it anyway. Tattoos can be permanent because the body's immune system

and the skin's dermis work together to hold onto the ink. When a tattoo needle punctures the skin, the immune system sends macrophage cells to the wound to close it up. The ink is a foreign invader, so the macrophages eat it up and get stuck in the dermis. When the macrophages die, they pass the ink to the next generation of macrophages,

and this cycle continues indefinitely. So that's the mechanism by which it's sinking. It's passing onto the new cell. Yeah, just passing through all the new layers that are coming up. This other thing from Mad Rabbit Tattoo says, the reason tattoos last permanently is because of their location in the dermis layer of our skin, where the macrophages cells that live there hold onto your tattoo ink and pass it to future generations of cells like a microscopic family heirloom.

So weird. Yeah, that's cool. I'm glad we talked about it. Me too. I don't think that's like a super common curiosity. It's just permanent, that's that. You hear it's permanent and you're like, okay, next thing, next topic. How do we beat the heat, you know?

Which we're not doing terribly well in here. I'm telling, it's hot in here, I told you, I told you. I would say that the ambient temperature in here is probably like 83. Yeah, I live like this. Monica, we need to get you to a pool. Still haven't been to a pool. All right, love you, thanks for having me over.

Bye. Bye. Bye.