Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - We are supported by... Oprah Winfrey

Episode Date: July 7, 2021

We are supported by, hosted by Kristen Bell and Monica Padman is a 10 episode limited series podcast. Each episode deep dives with a woman who has put a crack in the glass ceiling. Episode 3: Oprah Winfrey Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome back to We Are Supported By. Thanks for joining us. You know, on the show, we have a lot of people that are known, that people know, that are in the zeitgeist, if you will, social, political. But we also like having people on that maybe you don't know. Right. Like today. Just to give a chance for you to learn a story that you're maybe not familiar with and become inspired by someone who, you know, is sort of a nobody. Yeah. A total unknown. Yeah. And we really feel like

you will be inspired by this person. We thought she was really special. We picked her out of a crowd and we were like, she's got something. Something really special. And again, it was Monica and I who discovered her. We have the eye. Mm-hmm. So that feels good. And again, it was Monica and I who discovered her. We have the eye. Mm-hmm.

So that feels good. And I think we deserve some credit. Oprah. Oprah. Harpo. Oprah. The one, the only. Miss Winfrey. If you're nasty.

Oh! Listen. Can you believe? I still sincerely can't. And there are so many moments that if there were a video camera on Monica and myself, we were squeezing the blood out of each other's hands. Because especially when she would be very personable and say, well, you know, Kristen, Monica, what I think,

and we would just, we're like, she said our names. I missed half of the conversation because I was pretty much just thinking about her saying our names. Yeah. So I hope it's good. I, yeah, I blacked out as well. This divine being, and look, however you feel about any of these people, the credit to what this woman has accomplished in her life to become such a mogul and have influence over so many things based on nothing but her hard work. Yes.

Is incredible. What a story. You know, we all kind of know it, but we learn new things in this. Yeah. Definitely that I didn't know. Well, because I've, you know, was familiar with a lot of the hardships she experienced prior to becoming the Oprah that we know. Lots of trauma.

Lots of trauma. Far worse than I think anyone would imagine for someone of her stature and composure. But she gave us so many nuggets about how she cares for herself today, what she prioritizes. And she also schooled us a little bit, which was fun. We're so grateful that she sat with us.

Oh, one thing that happened today. Sorry, this is like a week in advance, you know, behind the curtain sausage, all that stuff. that she sat with us. Oh, one thing that happened today. Sorry, this is like a week in advance, you know, behind the curtain sausage, all that stuff. Dax and I did CBS. The sausage behind the curtain. I love it.

You sound like Jess. This is really the sausage behind the curtain. I've been spending too much time with him. Sorry. Dax and I did CBS Morning to promote our armchair move to Spotify. And it was lovely. And, you know, we did a little segment. And then I watched it today.

And they showed it. But then after they cut to Gail and her people. And she says my name. And I got those butterfly chills all over again. Amazing tingles. Yeah, because Gail and Oprah have about the cutest friendship that ever was. Do you think we're like number two?

For sure. Okay, okay. For sure. Maybe even 1.5. Remember they made like a documentary about going on a road trip and there were all these funny bits of them trying to like

fill up the car with gas? Yes. Maybe season two of this show should be us on a road trip. Oh my God, yeah. We can just copy everything they do. And I love Gail. Gail interviewed me, I don't know, years ago.

And then somehow we exchanged numbers. And we text sometimes. And she's very cool. Oh, I love it. Well, anyway, enough of our chit chat. We'll get to it. Let's get to it. Oprah Winfrey.

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HelloFresh, America's number one be shattered. We're gonna lift us up, gonna sing out loud, gonna stand up tall. Uh-oh. Oh, my gosh. Oprah, this is my best friend, Monica. Hello there. Hey, Monica. So good to see you.

You just changed. Wow. What did you change into? I changed into a sweatsuit. Well, because I dressed for you in the ladies dress and then I dressed for me on our podcast. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. As soon as I finish this, I'm going to go put on my sweats. They're going to be green. Thank you for doing this. Before we get started, I do have to say when we found out we were going to do this, Kristen sent me an email and it said, I printed it. It said, Hey, Mama, in order to be prepared, I want to start compiling a list of questions

for Oprah. Here's what I have so far. One, do you like us? Two, are we doing a good job? And that's the whole list. So this might be a very short interview. It was a rough draft because I, like you have expressed, suffer from paralyzing codependency. And the people pleasing is just a real, real strong instinct for me. So I definitely want to talk to you about that.

But when I was trying to think of what to speak to you about, all I wanted to know was, am I doing a good job? Do you like us? Do you? I mean. So much, guys. I'm just feeling such deep love for you, really. That's it, we can dine out. Can you feel it? Yes. For the work that you're doing and putting out into the world and using your voice and your whole self. You know, what I think is that everybody is looking for the same thing in the world,

and that is to be the truest expression of yourself as a human being. So when I see that coming through with such grace and glory, it just makes my heart swell because it's just like meeting a fellow human. We are alike in that we're all striving for the same thing. And I can see that you are me and I am you. Connected. Yeah.

Okay, wait, let's jump right into it. For the last hour, you've been talking about how to say no codependency, because I think women, we are all dealing with so much of this, especially women, I think. Okay, so you wrote this amazing book, What Happened to You? I would never have thought that you suffered from people pleasing. Can you tell us a little bit about that and where you think it came from and how you coped with it? Well, where I know it came from is based upon the book title and everything we write in the book. What happened to me was being raised in rural Mississippi with a grandmother born in the year 1954, where the state of Mississippi was an apartheid state for black people.

My grandmother was a domestic worker. My grandmother was a domestic worker. My mother was a domestic worker. So I only knew life in rural Mississippi with my grandmother going to work, bringing clothes home where she would wash and iron them for the white people that she worked for. And, you know, she was dutiful and doing the best she could to maintain the household because I had a grandfather who also, I think, suffered from dementia. He's just looked like this vague shadow in my life. So I grew up like a lot of black people who are of my age and my era. is corporal punishment, being whipped, not even spanked, but literally being whipped with,

my grandmother's preference was to use a switch, which means it's a piece of a branch that was strong enough to last for several lashings and thin enough not to leave immediate scars. And sometimes when the switch was too thin, she would braid three thin little branches together to make it, you know, so that it sounded like that whipping sound when you crack. And this is on a three-year-old, a four-year-old, a five-year-old, six-year-olds back. So I was raised in this environment where children are seen and not heard. You don't speak unless you're

spoken to. If you do something that is perceived as out of order, not wrong, but out of order. Why did you break that glass? Why were you playing in the water? Why were you doing? You would get a whipping. And many times, because I grew up with no running water, no electricity in rural Mississippi, we had an outhouse. So when there came time for taking a bath, you only bathed once a week where they'd bring in the tub and the water. So when I tell this to little kids, they're like, did you know Abraham Lincoln? Because it sounds like the days of Abraham Lincoln. Did you know Abraham Lincoln? I once asked my mom if she knew Jesus. Oh, she does. I mean, she does. Yeah. Very closely. But

I did say, did you know him? Did you know Jesus? Well, so getting a whipping on a Saturday night when you just got out of the tub was a normal thing. And many times I'd be taking a bath and wondering, I can't even remember what I did this week that's going to be a problem. But my grandmother would save those whippings up until I was naked and coming out of the tub.

I mean, it sounds cruel and horrible, and it is, but it just was a way of life. And I am not the only one who grew up that way. When I met my best friend Gayle in the mid-70s, I was like 22, 23. She was the first Black person I'd ever talked to who had not been whipped as a child. Oh, wow. Yeah. So one of the black comedians, Sinbad, used to do a joke about the longest walk in the world is to get your own switch. So I grew up in that kind of repressive, don't speak unless you're spoken to. And not only would I get whippings, but I would get a whipping. And then if I dared show any emotion after the

whipping, my grandma would say, you better wipe that pout off your face. What are you sitting here pouting for? Put your lip in. Several times I can remember getting a whipping for not clearing my face enough or smiling immediately after. Getting a whipping after the whipping for having a normal human reaction. So what that teaches you is, number one, your opinions don't matter. Whatever you do, you need to please the adults around you. Because I grew up in an era where not only could your grandmother whip you, but if your aunt down the road heard that you were doing something or saw you doing something, she had permission to hit you too. So I grew up in a world where behaving yourself, obeying the rules, staying within the

box that other people have determined is your box was how you survived. And so in my adulthood, it wasn't until I was in a situation where I had to confront someone who had betrayed me. And I was almost 50 years old when this happened. And I had said to HR, I was the person who was going to have to handle it. I'm going to have to handle it myself. It's not something someone else can do because I've been in relationship with this person a long time. And I think it's unfair that now HR steps in. So I'm going to handle it myself. I literally went into my closet in my office. I closed the door and I am praying to God and the ancestors to help me, to give me strength, to go in and do the thing that needs to be done to let this person go.

And I said out loud, why am I so afraid? Why am I afraid to confront the person who has betrayed me? I'm the boss. I'm the one in control. Why am I so afraid? And the voice that came back, because this has been my practice for forever, when you don't know, get still until the answer comes. And the answer that came to me was, you are afraid of getting a whipping. Oh, wow. You're afraid of getting a whipping. Oh, wow. You're afraid of getting a whipping. No matter how much success you had had, no matter how much power you had had.

Yes, yeah. You're Oprah. That was still there. And you're in the closet thinking that. And you talk about that a lot in the book about these childhood experiences being able to dictate your patterns as an adult. Absolutely. And so the recognition that, ah, where have I felt this before? Where have I felt this anxiety? Where have I felt this? Ah, that's the feeling I

would have when I'd have to walk and get my own switch and know that, all right, you got a whipping coming and you are just waiting for the moment where this adult is going to stand over you and literally beat you. And you have no power. Yes, you have no power. So even once I had the power, what's ingrained in my brain is that when you do something an adult doesn't like, they will hurt you. I'm sure the book talks about trauma that gets passed down. Yes, yes, yes. Generationally. Yes, this is part of it.

I mean, especially in the Black culture, I would assume like this is what they've been taught. They've been taught they have to stay in line and not step out of the bounds. For survival. Yes, for survival. Also, one of the things we talk about in the book too is this idea of moving from generation to generation, generational fears, generational anxieties.

We talked about that in terms of books. There are a lot of Black people who are afraid of dogs because dogs historically were used to be sicked. You know, the sick, go get them. Dogs were weaponized. And so if you grew up in a culture where dogs have been weaponized and someone in your family experienced that weaponization or had a bad experience with a dog. So I have a very powerful friend right now who, when she comes to my house, I have to put all the dogs away. Yeah. My dogs who are like family members who sleep in the bed with me have to put the the dogs away. My dogs who are like family members who sleep in the bed

with me have to put the dogs away because no matter how many times I say, but it's Sadie, Sadie's not going to bother you. What's ingrained in that lower stem of the brain is that dogs are going to hurt me. So the good news is I shared in this book is that what happened to you can actually be your greatest power if you're open to do the work, to understand that what happened shaped your worldview. I will say this, the best thing that ever happened to me, and I didn't even realize this until I was writing the book, because I was thinking, you know, my grandmother gave me God. She gave me Jesus. She gave me a sense of believing that there was a power greater than myself. So I didn't rely on myself. I always looked at what is greater than myself, which came in handy. I tell the story in the book of being in Milwaukee. And that was the

first night I'd ever not slept in the bed with my grandmother at six years old. And then I wasn't allowed to come into the house. And I'm out in this like secluded little enclosed porch by myself. And because I felt I had God and could pray to God to surround me with angels, I like created this imaginary angel that was like my bodyguard. So my grandmother did give me a kind of resourcefulness to know that there was something greater than myself. And she taught me how to read. And the most important thing is that she became ill and was no longer able to take care of me at exactly the time that I was going to be starting school. And let me tell you, my life would not have been the life that I live now if I had started school in a segregated school in apartheid Mississippi. I would be a different person because the one thing that saved me in terms of my worldview. I'd never been around white people before. And when I moved to Milwaukee, I started kindergarten. By this time, I was six years old and I walked into kindergarten already knowing how to read because my grandmother wasn't very literate, but she did know the Bible. So when I walked

into kindergarten the very first day and all these kids, white kids, brown kids are playing with their ABCs. I knew immediately that I was in the wrong place. So I wrote my kindergarten teacher, Miss New, a letter saying, dear Miss New, I know a lot of big words. And then I proceeded to write every big word I knew, which were all Bible words. Biblical words. Oh, my goodness. Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Nicodemus, Deuteronomy. And then just for good measure, I added hippopotamus because it was another word I knew. So I got myself out of kindergarten, guys, the very first day in kindergarten. Because Miss New said, who did this, girl? Who did this?

And I'm like, I did Miss New. So she marches me to the principal's office, my one and only time ever being in principal's office. And they asked me to write again to make sure that I wrote it. So I sat down and I wrote. Then I thought of Spinal Elephant. All the zoo animals. Oh my God, that's great. What other words, big words do I know?

I know a lot of big words. And so that resourcefulness only happened because my grandmother had been there and taught me that. So she raised kids the way people raise kids in the South. But that's what's so, I think, just elegant about your view of the story is even though the trauma was directly related to something your grandmother did, there's something hard to understand for me because I haven't experienced it about watching someone who does care for

you take the time to braid a switch. So it's not just an impulsive thing. There's a whole other level of, oh, this is intentional. She thinks she's helping. Right. an impulsive thing. There's a whole nother level of, oh, this is intentional. She thinks she's helping. Right. You were able to ask what happened to you and still see the benefits she gave you, the caregiving she gave you, and then also relate it to the transgenerational fears. You know, you go into the science of the brain about how it can be transmissible. And obviously,

they're still studying how things can actually be passed on and morph yourselves. You know, if your parent has had trauma, how the newborn can actually feel it. But also the simplest things we don't take into consideration. We're like your friend who is afraid of dogs. Perhaps she didn't even have an adverse experience with dogs, but perhaps her. She didn't. Her mother did. Right. And so when she was walking by a dog when she was a child and the dog barked, her mother squeezed her hand really tight.

That's right. And the child picked that fear up and said, oop, that's a fear. That's a fear I should have. That's right. It doesn't even have to happen to you because children are these emotional sponges. school where teachers didn't really see me or raised in an environment where I was made to feel less than, I would have had a very different attitude because I was very receptive to other people's opinions of me being a people pleaser. I would have been very receptive to being told that I was less than had somebody done that. But because I walked into that kindergarten and felt in control

and that I was the smart one, that worldview is what actually carried me through second grade, which I skipped, third grade and on through school. And school was where I felt my value. School was where I felt seen. School was where I mattered. And one of the things that I've learned from the thousands of interviews with the Oprah show all those years is that every single human being, I don't care what the subject is, wants to know that they were seen, they were heard, and that they mattered. At the end of every interview I've ever done, in one form or another, somebody says, was that okay? Was that good? Of course. Was I all right? Yeah. And some people say it at the beginning. Do you like us? Some people say it at the beginning of the interview. Do you like us?

It's the first time it ever happened before the interview. We like to break molds over here. This episode of We Are Supported By is brought to you by Bourbon Time. Oh boy, it's summer. I just like a cocktail. Yeah, and I'm not normally that into cocktails, but I will tell you, it is Bourbon Time for me. It started when we were watching Peaky Blinders. They're always pouring themselves a dark cocktail. It felt very sexy. You got PQs. I definitely got PQs.

When we were watching Peaky Blinders, they look so cool. Holding a glass of bourbon, I was like, guess what? For me, bourbon time. Yeah. Maker's Mark Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey is really smooth. And there's no real bitterness, which I like. You know, everyone's feeling a little exhausted, a little post-COVID-y, and you can beat the burnout and take back the hour of six to seven and have some you time. No matter what you like to do for you, it's important that

you do it. Join us in reclaiming six to seven p.m. as the happiest hour so you can do whatever it is that makes you happy. And if that involves a glass of bourbon, remember to drink Maker's Mark responsibly. Maker's Mark Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey, 45% alcohol by volume. Copyright 2021, Maker's Mark Distillery, Incorporated, Loretta, Kentucky. We are supported by Audible. What are you reading on Audible right now?

Ooh, baby. I'm reading the new Brene Brown book. I'm reading the new Adam Grant book. And I'm finishing up Jonathan Haidt and Greg Lukanoff's Coddling of the American Mind. Nice. At Audible, you can find the largest selection of audiobooks, ranging from bestsellers and new releases to celebrity memoirs, languages, business, motivation. They have everything.

And as an Audible member, you'll get one credit every month, good for any title in their premium selection. And I will say, you get full access to a huge catalog. There's always the perfect title for whatever you're looking for, whatever you're doing. App is free. The app is free. Audible is my jam. Visit audible.com slash shatter or text shatter to 500-500.

That's audible.com slash s-h-a-t-t-e-r or text shatter to 500-500. We are supported by BetterHelp Online Therapy. I just had therapy. And so did you. We did. Same time. I don't know what I would do without it, truly. Yeah. It's like exercise.

Once you start, you realize how important it is to your daily life. And so I really, really, really encourage everyone to check it out. Like, there's just no reason not to. And it's being made so easy by BetterHelp. You can fill out an online questionnaire and they can assess your needs, match you with a licensed professional therapist, and they really get specific about what you need, someone who's trained in exactly your issues. So you'll find the right one for you. In under 48 hours. So if you're needing something, just know that within two days,

you're going to be filling someone's ear hole with all your problems and you'll probably get some relief. And it's all virtual. You can log into your account anytime and send a message. It's just way more convenient and affordable than in-person therapy and financial aid is available. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash glass. That's betterhelp.com slash glass. That's BetterHelp.com slash glass. years ago when Toni Morrison was on and she said as a single mother, when she was an editor and trying to write her book and raising two sons and every time they walked into the room, she was like, pull your pants up and comb your hair and button your shirt. And what she realized is every time she did that, she was distancing herself from her children. Because what your child really

wants to know is, do your eyes light up when I enter the room? My goodness. And let me tell you guys, when she said that, the entire audience of women went, oh. Yeah. Because we recognize that, first of all, many times your kids come into the room and your eyes don't light up and you recognize inside yourself, ah, that's what we all want. I want to know that when I show up, do you really see me? And it never goes away. Like even this morning, we're also, we're going to be interviewing for armchair expert, president Obama. And that all happened

today. And I texted my mom and I was like, oh my gosh, we're going to interview the president. I'm interviewing Oprah today. What is going on? And of course, she's the first text. I still want her approval and her eyes to light up by things that I'm doing. It does not go away. Wow. And you're so fortunate if you have a mom that does that. I know.

I would have to say in all of the years of anything that ever happened to me, guys, I never once even, it didn't occur to me to call my mother. But as long as you have someone who serves as that, I think you're okay. Yes. For me, you know, in the book, he talks about dosing. What I realized is having never had therapy except in front of everybody during shows, is that Gail was my doser. I mean, every day I'd go home and you'd just get a little bit here, talk about what happened. She'd talk about what happened and I'd talk about what was going on. And we served as that role for each other. And you talk about having outlets.

There's these great chapters about how you can't, like you're talking about a single mom, be everything to her children, emotional, physical, psychological, and also work. Everybody has to have these outlets. And girlfriends is something that we've been on a hot topic about lately. You need to digest, regurgitate, vent to your girlfriends. With people like you, with people who get you. Yes. But because this is Shattered Glass, I wanted to just offer what I think has been the greatest lesson I have learned over the years of standing up for myself, learning to release the disease to please. First of all, I move with the principle of intention. So in 1989, I read Gary Zukav's book called The Seat of the Soul.

And in there, he talks about cause and effect being karma, which is the third law of motion. What you put out is coming back. But before there is the action and the reaction, the third law of motion in physics, there is an intention for that action. So for everything that you do, there is an intention or motivation for that. Literally, I just went, aha, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, when I first read that. So the reason I was able to break the disease to please, what I realized is my intention was always to make people think, I'm nice. I'm not going to upset you. I'm not

going to do anything to make anybody angry with me. And that is exactly what they received. And because they thought, oh, you're going to do exactly what I want you to do, they would always come back and ask for more. So I couldn't understand why I will do the thing you ask and then you're asking me again. Why is that happening? That is happening because I didn't really want to do it. But the message I sent to you was, I did want to do it. And this is for everybody, whether it's, you know, you're the person that everybody calls to do carpool. Yeah.

To pick up the kids and you don't want to do it. But you keep saying it because you don't want them to think that you're not the nice person. And then they keep asking you. Well, they keep asking you because you keep saying yes. What is the reason I want to say yes to this thing? What is the reason I want to say yes to this thing? What is the reason? Because the intention always determines

what the real outcome is going to be. It is the force that drives through the action and also determines the ultimate reaction. So learning to only do things based upon what I intended to do changed everything for me. It was hard at first. It was hard at first because you got to say, okay, well, why would I do that? Because just like you guys, I get asked a lot, a lot, a lot of things to do a lot of things, to be everywhere.

And in the beginning of my career, I was trying to say yes to everybody. I was worn out. So what I realized is you can't serve every charity. You can't serve every cause. Oh, say that one more time to this person. She needs to hear that one more time. You can't serve every cause. You can't be there for everybody. So do the thing that speaks directly to you. But what do you do when you feel bad about somebody else will take it. What if somebody doesn't? They will. You just do the thing that is going to bring energy to you.

So you take the speaking engagement, not the one that you're going to get there and go, good, why did I do that? How many times have you done that, Kristen? Millions. Oh, yeah. What am I doing here? That's a key, key, key, key information that you are in the wrong space. So you take the thing, not that you're going to ask later, what am I doing here? What did I say

yes for? What did I do that? Because that just builds energetically resentment in you and you are not your truest self. So you just take the things that really spark your interest, spark the desires in your heart, spark your expression so that you can be authentically, fully present and yourself. And you're not doing it for somebody else. You're doing it for yourself to help someone else. Yeah.

You said once that rang true with me, and I almost got it as a low back tattoo. You teach people how to treat you and it's not off the table. Yeah. As of tattoo, yeah, it's not off the table, but you teach people how to treat you. Yeah.

You teach people how to treat you and they keep coming back and doing the thing because that's what you've taught them to do. You've taught them that this is how I will allow myself to be treated. That's one thing. The other thing is it took me a long time to realize that my opinion was as important as anybody else I was asking. How did you get there? Because there is nobody that knows you and what you want to do more than you. And so again, I say, when you don't know what

to do, get yourself still enough so that the presence of all that is can offer its guidance to you. And when you're still regulated and calm, the answer will come. Because anytime you're asking anybody for their opinion, whether it's who to marry, do you think he's okay? What shoes to buy? Do you like these shoes? Where to live? Do you think we should go there? Anytime you have to go outside of yourself to ask other people, it means you don't have the clarity yourself. You are looking for somebody to affirm for you. The most important question ever as you're shattering the glass of your own life is to be able to answer, what do I want? What do I want? And women, oh my God, have been so overwhelmed answering that question for everybody

else. I have so much trouble with that question. I have so much trouble. I was going to say, oh, well, how do I do it? And then you answered it. I have not ever prioritized stillness in my life, ever. Well, it's scary. It's very scary because I don't know what I'm going to say to myself. I'm constantly going and on to the next thing, and I don't allow for the stillness to help me make the decision. Now, sometimes I do need the opinion about shoes, sincerely, because it might be an impulsive buy. We never know. But even the shoes, and I use shoes because everybody's been like,

oh, do you like these shoes? When you know yourself, I bought these shoes, they're multicolored shoes, they're, I think, Manolo Blahnik years ago, and I'm like, oh, I really love these shoes. I don't care what anybody else thinks. When you know that it's something that brings you joy, you know instantly, you put it on your feet. And even if everybody around you says, oh, I don't like that, I don't You know, instantly you put it on your feet. And even if everybody around you says, oh, I don't like that. I don't like that. Which I've been in the store with I don't know what you want to get that for. And I'm like, but I like when you like it and you

know that you like it, you don't have to ask anybody. Yeah, you're right. You don't need anybody else's opinion. So when you're asking, what do you think? What do you think? It's because I'm not really quite sure. But if you tell me and you say, yeah, it is, you're going to affirm what I think I'm thinking. And back to the intention. What's the intention for real? Is it, do I like these shoes or is it, do people because of these shoes? Exactly. Do I want to be liked because of these? Yes. What are other people going to say about these shoes? Do I want to be liked because of these shoes? Yes. What are other people going to say about my shoes?

Are people going to like me if I wear these shoes? That's right. I'm going into my hood right now with the amount of, I'm glad this is recorded because I'm just going to transcribe it. Guys, that's so interesting. It's so interesting that you said, Monica, oh, the stillness is scary. Okay, okay. That means you got some work to do. I do. I do. That means you got some work to do there because I am telling you just the other night I was, you know, the other the other night it was like a full moon. The moon was so bright, guys. The moon was so bright that it woke me up in the middle of the morning. It's like 3.44 and it's over the ocean because my bedroom faces the ocean. It's glistening over the ocean so that the ocean looks like crystal, you know, just sparkling in

the water. And it was so bright that that's now reflecting off of the water and coming into the bedroom. And it woke me up and I walk out onto the balcony and it is just the moon, the stars and complete stillness. It was so still. I could hear my heart beating. Tears started to roll down my face. And then I hear in the distance a rooster. The moon is so bright, the rooster thinks it's morning. And I literally could feel that I am that stillness.

And that stillness is me. That's where we come from. That's where all the answers come from. That's where all the answers come from. That's where all the peace comes from. That's where all that is comes up out of that stillness. Just to be able to experience that, I felt that that was a grace moment, literally, that I got pulled out of my bed by the moon to come out onto the balcony and experience that moment. But I do that just walking around, just paying attention to the way the leaves move surroundings, particularly when I'm in nature and like feel that, hear that and know that inside myself. I'm so much older than you guys that I can tell you for sure that any answer to any question that you have is already within you. And your knowingness is as powerful as anybody else's. that inside yourself so that the fullness of who you are gets to shine through, gets to be expressed

so that other people can see that in themselves. Oh, man. That's where your strength lies. The knowingness is there. I also surround myself with a really strong kitchen cabinet. I have Gail. I love that phrasing. I have my own kitchen cabinet. I have Gail. I have Bob Green, who used to be my trainer, but now he just manages everything in my life. So we met like 1993. And he's like my brother. And he is so brutally honest. Sometimes he really hurts my feelings. I mean, like a couple of weeks ago, he was so honest about something. Like I couldn't speak to him for two days, but, but, but everybody needs it. And I have Stedman, like I was talking to Stedman about, Oh, you know, I'm thinking about going to that. You go, why would you do that? What is the reason you're doing that? You're not doing that for yourself. What happened to your

intention? What is your intention in doing that? So I have Stedman, I have Gail, and I have Bob, my kitchen cabinet, who no matter what are going to tell me the truth. So everybody needs that in their lives because the more successful you become, you are surrounded. Henry Kravitz said this to me once, the big billionaire, Henry Kravitz said to me, that rich men and pretty women never hear the truth. It's also true of anybody in a position of power. The more powerful you become, the more people are willing to tell you whatever they think you want to hear in order to have your favor.

So surrounding yourself with people who are going to tell you the truth as you shatter the glass ceiling is the most important thing. And also understanding that the answer, the knowingness, it's always, always, always, always within you. Adam Grant talks a lot about that business culture and what kind of cultures succeed. And it always is dependent upon the honesty of the individuals, no matter what the hierarchy within the business is. 1,000%. And that's whether it's business or your own personal life. It all depends upon the truth of you. That's what releasing all the trauma is about, is about being open enough, vulnerable enough to do the work, to tell the truth about your own life. And I think when you can stand in the truth of your own life, you then get to rise to the highest, truest expression of yourself

as a human being, which is what we're all looking for. That's our common denominator. You are handing out power, and I am here for it. My goodness, me too. Me too. We are supported by Squarespace. Now, Squarespace makes our website and it's gorgeous. And Rob did it, but it was super easy for him. There is nothing in my head that could build a website. I can't wrap my head around how I would do it. And I feel like a lot of people feel that way. So thank God there is Squarespace. And it looks really professional. And there's so many things you can do with it.

The Squarespace websites look individual. And there's 24-7 customer support if anything happens. I think they actually won some awards for their customer support, which is very cool. And you can easily create it all by yourself. And as a person who likes to support small businesses, entrepreneurs, I know a lot of people that use Squarespace and they love it. It just makes everything easier. So head over to squarespace.com slash glass for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code glass to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

We are supported by Pete and Jerry's. I love eggs. I do too. By Pete and Jerry's. I love eggs. I do too. You know what my favorite is? Soft boil.

But you got to have white vinegar in the pot so that they peel easier. Wait till it's a raucous boil. Pop them in. Set a timer for seven minutes exact. Have an ice bowl next to it. Cool them. Crack them open. Put sea salt and sumac on it.

The egg makes a difference. It really, really does. I like Pete and Jerry's because they're really, really fresh and they treat the hens really well. Yeah. And there's no like GMOs or pesticides. They're monitoring all that stuff that you don't want in your food. They're keeping up with all of that stuff for us. Yeah. These hens are basically at a spa. Yeah. You know, and then they're like, oops, I got to go inside and lay an egg. Let me go outside back to the spa. They treat them really, really well because organic farming is critical in the reduction of pollution and also like healthy soil, clean water. Their practices are really great. And they're all raised on small family farms where they kind of like roam as

they please. They make their own schedules, you know? Oh my God. Right now, Pete and Jerry's is giving away a free dozen eggs to the first 150 listeners who go to PeteandJerrys.com slash shattered glass. To claim your free dozen eggs, go to P-E-T-E-A-N-D-G-E-R-R-Y-S.com slash shattered glass. Pete and Jerry's organic eggs are available nationwide at a fine grocer near you. I wish we could have you for six more hours, but you need to say no to that. Yes, you need to say no to that. And I really encourage everyone listening to this to get this book, What Happened to You. It is a necessary piece of reading and it applies to so many different topics. I've used it for parenting. They talk about regulating your kids so you can get through to them. I was enwrapped by the implicit bias versus your

beliefs in your cortex and how they can fight. I mean, there are so many topics in here, but it's totally easy to digest. Put it in your earphones as you drive to work or grab the book if you like to sit outside and read. I do have one question, if that's okay, because I also, I was talking to our mutual friend, Amanda Gorman, this morning, and I asked if she had any questions for you. You were talking to Amanda. Oh, God, isn't she very special. Human light bulb. Yeah, she's a human light bulb. She wanted to know, and I think we do as well, and you might have covered this, but if you can give us any specifics,

how are you nourishing yourself during these times since you give so much inspiration and nourishment to us all? Oh, I am a nourishment pool, honey. I am, first of all, I normally take time out of my life, literally, because I realized when I had the schedule of doing two shows a day, every day, that if I didn't take like the seventh day and give back to myself, that I was not as alert, wasn't as calm. I wasn't able to really

be who I wanted to be in the world that I was like moving through being agitated. So I make it a practice. I practice stillness in the morning. I don't even call it meditation. It is just allowing myself to take it all in before I start the day. Because when you pick up this thing first, now your life has been ordered by that. Now you're looking at everything everybody else wants you to do instead of just... Practical question, is there coffee or matcha involved in this stillness or is it just a wake up and sit kind of thing? Well, now there is a fresh mint from the garden. Fresh mint from the garden with a shaved ginger and lemon making my own tea. So I'm usually holding a cup of lemon mint freshly made.

I have like a little meditation room, morning room where I look out at the mountain and I really just like sit there with my little tea and taking it in. And that starts, what am I going to do today? And what do I want to accomplish today? That's not even an active question I ask myself. It just is, if you start in stillness, everything that flows from that comes from a place of power. It doesn't come from this. It doesn't come from a frenzied space of answering this email and answering that email. It's just feeling like you're catching up on your life all the time. That's right. And so I sort of ordered a day in that silence. And sometimes it's 10 minutes, sometimes

it's 20. So I don't do a formal meditation every day, but I do start the day in stillness. I also heard you really like getting out stains. Yeah. This is something that has been told to us that you enjoy and are very good at getting out stains. I'm very good at that. And I've had 21 dogs. And so over the years, you've got all kinds of poop stains, pee stains, grow up stains. All of it. Puke stains, none of that stains.

I'm very, I am very good at that. You start with the sparkling water first. Okay. I was going to ask. Dab, dab, dab, dab. Sparkling water. More dab, dab. going to ask. Dab, dab, dab, dab. Sparkling water. More dab, dab. It takes patience.

And it's so rewarding. When that stain disappears. But you can get the patience because you've had the stillness. It's all making sense now. And then you can have more dogs. Yes, it's like immediate gratification. Stain removal I love

because it's immediate gratification. It's like it was there and now it's out. It's like you're a magician. Look at that. Look at that. Dab, dab, dab, dab, dab. Okay, go back. More, more sparkling water. Dab, dab, dab, dab, dab. Yeah, okay. It's fantastic. Oh, wonderful. All right. I got a load of laundry to send you, so just shoot me the address, I guess, whenever because I'm not at the stillness point yet. We're going to get there, though. We're going to get there. You'll get there. You'll get there. You'll get there. Well, thank you for being a woman in our lives that has the desire and the commitment to offer the wisdom that you have learned, just giving us what's in your brain.

We are very grateful. Yeah, very. Well, thank you. We're shattering that glass for so many other women for taking what's happened to you and using it to make a life better for other people. That's the work y'all. That's the work. Thanks, Kristen, Monica. Thank you so much. All right. So much love. Bye. Bye. The rest will be shattered glass.