Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard - Zooey Deschanel Returns

Episode Date: December 15, 2025

Zooey Deschanel (Merv, New Girl, She & Him) is an actress and musician. Zooey returns to the Armchair Expert to discuss the lessons of the go-bag after the fire evacuations, the elegance-centered branding of cats, and the touching surprise that fans often comfort-rewatch New Girl. Zooey and Dax talk about having a partner who's a consummate tinkerer, growing up in a family of ADHD interrupters, and the embarrassing moments running through her head at all times. Zooey explains being a broken-up couple with a depressed mutt in her new movie Merv, her kids only recent interest in watching her in Elf, and a beautiful, special Armchair rendition of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas.Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondery App or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch new content on YouTube or listen to Armchair Expert early and ad-free by joining Wondery+ in the Wondery App, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify. Start your free trial by visiting wondery.com/links/armchair-expert-with-dax-shepard/ now.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wondry Plus subscribers can listen to Armchair Expert early and ad free right now. Join Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Or you can listen for free wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Lillie Padman. And today we have just one of the more adorable humans on planet Earth. Yes, a Christmas mouse.

Charming, quirky, smart, talented, great singer, Zoe Day Chanel, an actor and a musician, new girl 500 days of summer elf yes man and she has a new movie on prime video called mirv i'm gonna promise you right now this this movie's getting watched by my family who are all dog lovers it's an adorable story about a couple that's broken up and the dog is so depressed oh sorry dog Sorry, Merv. Please enjoy Zoe D. Chanel. Well, there's a special surprise in this episode. We get something very special from Zoe that we kind of forced to happen.

She came very generous. She was in the holiday spirit. That's right. So enjoy the little special tune. Thank you to our presenting sponsor, Audible, for supporting this episode. Armcherry's Audible's best of 2025 collection. is here the year's top audiobooks, podcasts, and originals across every genre. Their editors spent countless hours listening and debating to handpick this year's

must-listens. If you want to finish the year with something you know is going to hit, check out Audible's Best of 2025 and discover why there's more to imagine when you listen. Go to audible.com slash best of 2025. These are my children's fun. These are my favorite. These are my favorite cups. Ember. Aren't they the best?

They're the best. They're not a sponsor. I give it as gifts a lot. It's a great gift. I want to ask what drinking out of an ember mug has done to your overall coffee intake because it is addressed mine. Yeah, it's up to. First of all, these glasses are so cute.

They really are. I love that. You look so cute. You guys look so cute. Stop. Okay, wait. It makes me drink just the right amount, which is however many cups I have, which is a lot. I have a lot, too, but I used to drink two in the morning while I was doing my, like, journaling. But I realized that was mostly because I didn't like that it was getting cold. Right. You drink it too fast. I was drinking it fast to deal with the temperature loss. And this I leisurely sip, and it has cut down my coffee in the morning in half. You know what? It actually probably has with me, too,

And then I get so disappointed when my coffee gets cold. Yeah, yeah, I know. And even I always ask for extra hot at cafes so that the end of the drink gets not disappointingly cold. What do they normally respond to you with when you request that? Because it feels like a liability. With disdain. They were like. Chef likes it at this.

They're like, okay. Yeah, chef likes it loop. You didn't happen to ever see the documentary about the woman who famously, and when we were kids, the whole world knew that a woman burnt her legs with McDonald's coffee. That was huge, huge. It was the biggest. It was pitched to us in a certain way, too. Oh, she was such a diva.

Exactly. This diva wants hot coffee, and then they gave her hot coffee, and she burned herself. Yes, and it was the ultimate symbol of frivolous lawsuit. Right, right. That's how it was pitched us. Yeah, that's how it was pitched. There's an incredible documentary called Hot Coffee. It's about this woman.

Zoe, her entire thighs had to have skin graft. It was really too hot. It was insane. It burned off all of her skin. And that year, that she sued, mind you, she didn't sue for any money. She just wanted the skin graft paid for. Oh, my God.

It was like $50,000 or whatever. Yeah. The settlement we all heard about was the jury going, no, no, we need to punish McDonald's at least one day of coffee sales. So they added up what they made in one day of coffee sales, gave it to her. Because they had had at that moment already a hundred and some complaints that year of similar. Yeah, that's too hot. Yeah, everyone's like, that bitch.

Yeah, Maggie bitch. And she was just an old lady with no skin on her. Slate. Oh, my eyes. Oh, that's so sad. And she just wanted the graph paid for Zoe. Oh, she just wanted the graph. But she left a millionaire.

Good job. You know what? She got the money. Yeah. That's what we love. Great. Let's talk about the bread. Okay.

Yes. Okay. So Mary Jo. This was my curiosity because I re-listened to your episode today on a hike, which is going on four years ago. Yeah, it was a little while. But at that time, four years ago, Mary Jo was a huge fan. She still is a freaking huge fan. She's an arm cherry.

True and true. Like, would she have baked you guys bread? See, I don't know enough. Is she someone who hands out bread willy-nilly? No. She's not. Okay. No, if she loves you, she'll bake you bread.

Oh, she will. That means she loves you guys. Oh, man. Because she's long past the excited phase of letting people know she knows how to do it. She'll tell me stuff she hears. She's like always. Okay, but I mean in the bread baking world. Oh, the bread.

Like Kristen's still making a couple hundred loaves a day to hand out to people. Because it's still very impressive for people to rest. see below from her. But that'll wear all. Right. So Mary Jo's down to like the real baker. My mom, when I was growing up, just baked bread. That was what she ate. She likes to eat her own bread and she bakes it for herself to eat. Nourishing. And so their house burned down last year, which was really sad. I was trying to make sure they were okay. I knew my mom needed her sourdough back up and running and her starter. And my dad needed a camera. What kind of camera did dad need.

Well, he still needs like a Laika. That's what he, but we got him, you know, he has other stuff. To remind people, your father's a very famous cinematographer. Yes, yes, yes, acclaim. Yes. Bravo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But my mom, my kids call her Jojo, which is very cute.

Jojo needed her sourdough. The starter has been around for like 40 years. My whole childhood, she was baking bread. She'd given it to some friends. So we got her sourdough. Her original starboard. And she got it back. And we've been, you know, baking in their apartment?

Were they evacuated at your house? They were. And then we were evacuated for a while. But then when they'd lost their house, they came and stayed with us for maybe like three weeks. They wanted their own place, though. They were done. No, we have a nice guest house, but I think they think they're imposing. Oh, that's what it is.

And so they just get nervous about we're imposing. Yeah, we need to give them their space. Yeah. That's so sad. I'm so sad. I'm so sorry. Oh, God. The childhood house.

It was like, so. It felt like a person. You know, you're like, oh, my God. Now I just don't think about it intentionally. Until you're here and we make you talk about it? No, I can talk about it in a sort of emotional-resistant way. But I realized there was a while where it was like every day you think of something else that you lost that was precious. You go, oh, no, the slate from being there that was like on the wall, you know, like that.

No. And then my dad will be like, my wine. You know, like things he collected for a year. What did they bring to your house, anything? So they had almost nothing. The one thing that my dad got, thank God, because they left for an appointment before. It was just bad luck.

They didn't even get a suitcase. But my dad saw the smoke and went back in and grabbed his hard drive that had all his photography on it. Oh, thank God. So thank God. That was one of those divine gifts. What about photo albums? All gone. But he's like amazing about digitizing.

He digitized everything. So everything was digitized. There was maybe a few things that weren't. But he's like obsessive Virgo who. he would spend months every day working like it was a job digitizing his photography. Whenever he was off work, you'd be like, have a little fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But now he's like, that's my legacy.

Yes. I feel like we learn nothing from the fires because when it was happening, I was like, okay, got to digitize everything, got to make a go bag. I didn't do anything. It's been a year almost. Yeah. It is hard because you want the stuff in the go bag that you want. I want stuff I want to wear, but then I want to wear that.

So take it out of the go bag. Sure, sure, sure. It's like the go-back, do you buy just like an extra pair of jeans that you love and an extra top that you love and put it in the go-back? That's smart. See, clothes, this is a fascinating kind of gendered thing, which is Kristen was making these decisions from her closet that were Sophie's Choice-esque. It's like, fuck, I got to leave a lot of this behind.

To me, it was a little nuts. I'm like, oh, well, I have a car collection. That's going to be gone. How many can we actually drive out of here? Jonathan insisted on driving each car out. He did. Like, I mean, we don't have, like, any fan, you know, we had an extra car that he just was like, well, if it's there, it's going. So he was shuttling around.

He kind of shuttled that out, but we had so little time, and I had to pack the kids and me and packed our cat stuff up, and we'd just gotten three kittens. Oh, fuck. And so I was just like, I only had a really short time. It limits where you can go, too, as well. Like, if you called me and said, hey, I'd like to come over with my family, but I'd like, absolutely. And if you go by, I have three kittens, I'd go, call some other people first. Oh, no. You know, like, I'm still here for you, but try to find it more hospitable.

We were in, like, a tiny hotel room with three kittens. Oh, okay. And normally they don't sleep in our room, and they're so cute. But they were being understandably worried about me. And so they kept snuggling up, like, and I'd be like, but I can't sleep. Licking any skin that was exposed. Well, they want to eat you a little bit, don't they? They were sensing her anxiety and they were trying to fix it, but it was really making it worse.

We also know that they eat their owners when they died. Like, we know that about them. They eat your brain. Dogs and cuts. I'm glad this topic came up. And you now have cats because I was watching last night a commercial on 60 Minutes. In this commercial, it was for Fancy Feast. And they were like, she'll know.

You know, whatever. They treat the cat like she's some elegant mistress. A queen. And then the owner, the mom, she unveiled this fancy feast that comes in a can, but it's like layered at the top. It looks gorgeous. Yeah. And I was like, when did. We decide cats are fancy.

I know why. It's kind of a weird reason, though. It's more about marketing. It's just that when dogs run, they're like, oh, boom, blah. Yeah. When cats walk, they're like. A little prissy. Because they have slinkies in their back.

They're like, yeah, like, and everything. And they can fully fold. They're very elegant. If you are holding a cat and they start wiggling and then they jump out of your arms, they literally won't fall. They'll always fall on their feet. Whereas if you're holding a dog and you drop the dog, the dog might be like, they'll land on its ribs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the cat will land on its feet. They're very agile, that I agree. I think that's why. But the classiness, this notion that we're going to feed this cat, this feast, a fancy feast. I think it has more to do with the owners. Well, I have three cats. One of them looks crazy.

Have you owned cats prior to these cats? No, they're in my heart of cats. And are they changing you? Yeah. I always loved cats. I always thought they were so cute, but I never had one before. And they're very affectionate. I think it's because we associate them with being smart.

They are smart. They're so smart. It's crazy. Yeah, they are. Okay. My cats are so smart. They are? It's like smarter than a dog.

Do you have had dogs? They're smarter than the dogs. The dogs are a little like, you know. I mean, look, the dog I worked with on this movie is like incredibly smart. But that's an actor. He's a dog actor. Yeah, yeah. He's smart.

They're cut from a different cloth. And I love dogs, but my cats, I show them to do something once, and they do it immediately. Like, I got a new litter thing, a litter robot. Oh, sure, sure, yeah. Pretty cool. There was all this stuff. It was like, you have to do all this stuff to switch them. I literally put the litter in my favorite cat, dove, was looking at me.

I looked at her, and she jumped in and used it right away. On command, she went. She knew. Number one or two. I can't remember. Okay. I think you'd remember if it was number two. I think it was number one.

It doesn't matter. She had to work her way up to number two. Guys, at the risk of offending anyone, you don't think there's anything to do with that just gendered natured of cat ownership. Oh, the cats are more male? Like, women want to make this fancy meal for their cat? I don't know. It might be.

I just can't imagine a dude in the commercial for the dog. You know, it's three-tiered, and then there's this beautiful thing on top. I don't know. There's something going on with what we've done to cats. I think it's not just the owner's gender, but it's how we gender that's. Because I think we gender dogs as male and gender cats as female. That they're fancy. Sure, sure.

You know? I don't know. Elegance. It just really hit me last night. And I've been watching those commercials for 50 years. But last night I was like, well, they put a lot of effort into this cat food. Although dog food has become more and more. It's like dogs need human food now.

Right. Fancy feast is not human grade. But most dogs I know now eat human food. Right. Like cooked on a stove till it's. mushy and palatable for them. We have a delivery system that embarrasses me a little bit. It's very fresh and expensive.

And I guess it is still male. Like males need, they do need their stuff to be perfect. Yeah, for our muscles. They got to get the muscles going. Okay, back to Jonathan. So during the fires. Yeah. I imagine you're in a similar situation with Kristen, which is my hunch is you have a more

traditional dude on your hands. Yeah. Because he's a builder. And where is he from? Canada. Canada. So he's just nice. He's so nice.

But rugged. He grew up on a ranch. He's rugged. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You grew up like picking rocks off the ground. And, yeah, and like building fences. And while you're in Hollywood.

Yeah. It seems like it's still completely a fairy tale for you. It still feels like. There were fences there. Yeah. Like your imagination of his childhood versus maybe what it was. So I said at one point, okay, so we're getting close to, you know, they've evacuated, I don't know, six blocks away.

And I was like, okay, you know, if it gets to ours, you guys bounce, I'm staying. You know, I had all the hoses out and the generator, but I was going to stay for sure and water the house. Okay, so what was interesting was like, he kept being like, and I'm like, seriously, we're going to have to go. Yeah, and you're like, my parents' house just burned down. Well, wasn't gone yet. Yeah, no. We had to evacuate pretty soon. So that dead.

Where do you live? We're in Bruntwood. He just is like, don't freak out. And I'm like, I'm freaking out. So I would say I'm more on the, let's just evacuate before we need to. And he's like, let's just wait. Yeah, and it's like, why wait? And I'm like, why are we waiting?

Look out. The evacuation situation was so interesting. Everyone was evacuated in that time. And so you go to a hotel and it's like all the doodles and the palisades. It's a dog. It was kind of like cheering me up because everyone has a doodle. It's just a doodle city. And then what was also funny was the hotel was still doing people's weddings at the same time.

Oh, wow. Because they're not going to call off people's wedding. No, no. Fires are no fires. And I had to take the cats out of the room so they could clean it. And I have like three kittens and kitten carriers. And I'm sitting there. Everyone's just in the state. And they're like, so over here is where we'll do cocktail hour.

Oh, wow. And I was like, this is so wild. Life is wild. Yeah, life is wild. Do you ever get conscious of, you know people recognize you, you're aware of it, and you're often in public doing things that are just kind of weird because you're a human and you have to do weird things. So I'd imagine, like, someone who is on vacation and then you're there with three cats.

Yeah, yeah. Like, hey, I've got to get these out of the room. Looking crazy, sweatpants. I definitely was like, if someone recognizes me, this will be like a fun story. Like, if you saw Al Pacino holding three cats. I kind of gave them a gift. I would be like, this is the best celebrity ever. Let me tell you what I saw.

Al Pacino holding three cats. I would guess, this is such a guess because I wasn't on the show. But I feel like the fans of New Girl are really great fans. Oh, yes. I love them. Because it's such a good show. So, again, smart cats. And also conceptually, it's like we're going to root for quirky.

Yeah. Right. So that weeds out. It's not Beverly Hills 90210.1 at that point. It's something different. It's true. It's definitely such a good. group. I love everyone that comes up to me and watches that show. And what I've noticed, it's

kind of weird and it's not what I would expect is that, by the way, I keep, like, accidentally looking at the camera behind your head. What was your first day in front of a camera? I never. Like, you caught your reflexes and you can't look away. I love the people who like new girls. And also, a lot of people use it as like a comfort thing where they watch it again and again. They're like, I watch every night before I go to bed. I love that. And it makes me feel like we can be cozy for them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your show? What's your cozy show or movie? We like to watch true crime. Is that like weird? No, we just learned about this. Does your husband like true crime too? Okay, I like that. That's gender. Challenging. Don't men like true crime? He

doesn't like Bravo as much as I do. We just had an expert on about this. Oh, about true crime? Specifically, the book was morbid curiosity. Oh, yeah. And how beneficial it is for us as humans to be able to model out our fears in plan. We're attracted to true crime because we can kind of in our brains play out or hear the end of a story that we might find ourselves. Specifically, viewers are really interested when you do studies on them. What sign did this person miss? That's women's big preoccupation a lot with true crime is, wow, they knew this guy.

What did they miss? I got to find out what not to miss. No, it's true. I like it when there's like a new documentary that's eight parts or something. Yeah. I love like the staircase, that type of thing. Yeah, I love that. So good.

Remember how good the staircase was you had to order the DVDs from Netflix and it took a long time. I know, you could get up and put them in. You really earned it. You know what was nice about this and I'm just remembering is now when you're streaming, you just run through. Whereas you had a built-in break to stand up and go put that DVD in and be like, oh, let's go to the bathroom. Let's make more snacks. It kind of compartmentalized it in a fun way. You know what I was thinking recently?

I think the streamers should have a playlist option where you can make your own playlist of episodes of any TV show or movie or whatever. That's a great idea. I think you're totally right. I mean, how much are they going to pay me for this? Because if you make a playlist and then you just put on, it's like, oh, I'm watching this episode of Friends, and then this episode of New Girl.

And then this episode. It would be communal kind of social networky. If we wanted it to be, but it's just like I'm letting that run all day, A playlist I created. You would love that because you rewatch things a lot. Do you do a lot of rewatching? It depends. There are movies that I like to rewatch.

I don't normally like rewatch a TV show. Okay. Now, Christmas time is upon us. It's upon us. I've always wondered, like, we've never interviewed Chevy Chase. But I do want to know I would love if a movie of mine came out every single year. It's great. And a great one of mine, no less.

Right. Is it fun? I love it. Yeah. I knew when I read that script. I was like, man, if this hits, it'll come around every year and that is good realistic. It hit. It joined the group of like 10.

Yeah, best. It's incredible. Yeah. It was such a fortunate thing. So now when you were here last time in 2022 February, your children hadn't seen it. They still have barely seen it. Last year, I offered it up and they chose to watch Die Hard instead. Oh, cool.

We just watched it for the first time on Friday. Christmas movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't judge me that. I'm like, it's watched it. No, that's okay. That's good. They loved it.

But this year, my daughter was like, I'd like to watch Elf with my friends. Yes. With her friends. Yeah. Not with me. No. I'm like, I'll do a Q&A afterwards if you were. Sure, sure.

People pay money for this. I'm like, listen. Does she ever say like, Mom? Well, it took a long time because she likes to sing. I'd give her advice. She wouldn't take it. Yeah. And then finally, she was like, oh, okay.

Oh, that was a good note. And I'd be like, um, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes I have sung my whole life Yeah

Yeah it's like someone else probably told her You know your mom's like Really good It's not just your mom's saying she's good She's actually good It's so hard to be a parent I'm sorry you guys Well if it helps you

It is hard to be a parent Our 12 year old also wants to be a singer Her mother is also very well known As being an accomplished singer There's zero interest in her Feedback or input She more wants And I can relate to this

She just wants to click to peer mode, where they're both just talking about music, and they both get it, but the 12 really hasn't had the education yet. Right. Have they watched anything of years that they love? So they like the trolls movies because it's like I'm a voice. They're not seeing me. I think Elsie is a little more like, oh, that's kind of cool if you're in a movie. Charlie's like weird. This is just concerning. He wants you to be mall. Yeah. They're good with that. Well, also if you're being like hot in a movie, oh, that would be weird. Of course, your boy's son is going to be like, Ugh, don't do that.

Yeah. How about you? Don't do that, Mom. That's the only thing that they can't stand. Well, just the older one. The cheating aspect. Oh. It likes some of the stuff we've done, but they don't want to watch nobody wants this.

They don't want to see Mom like in love with some other dude. Even though I love it. Right. I'm like, look how steamy this kisses. How'd they get this? So growing up, my parents both worked on Twin Peaks. And my mom was on it. I remember this.

There's like a part where it's supposed to be. setting up that she had an affair with this other character. And he literally just kisses her arm where he's like, and I was like, nine years old when this was on. And they let me watch it. Maybe it wasn't appropriate, but it was an incredible show. So I was happy. But I remember being like, this is too much.

The murder was fine, but the kissing my mom's arm, not okay. Too intimate. Yeah, too much. Mary Jo. I get that. I know this. I did hate my mom has big boobs. And she would occasionally wear, not occasionally, kind of often.

super tight tank top and we'd go out like to the grocery store or whatever and she was young she had me when she was 23 oh yeah i didn't mind in the house i didn't like that i could see dudes were like oh don't you're like i could see guys clocking her staring at her coming over and chatting overly familiar and i hated it i just like get out of here guys that's your mommy yeah and you knew it was because of her blamper's yeah because i'm a good at pattern recognition and when she didn't wear that tank top there wasn't as much action and you're like mom wear something different put some bag yeah you can be fucking tight topped at the house i'm just like a muslim father or an in cell i just made me like an in cell or control i wonder if some insoles come about because their moms

have big blamper's at all the guys well yeah definitely i'd see her like get ready to go into the mall and be like oh fuck she's wearing like you did yeah she's wearing tight shirt and all the lunatics are going to come out of the woodwork i've never heard the word blamper before. I love it. That's in New Zealand. We were working in New Zealand. This is a huge ding, ding, ding.

It just came up on last week's episode with your co-star Jake Johnson. Oh, my God. Jake Johnson was last week. Yes. And you've never heard blamper's. No. But when you hear the term blamper's, you know what you mean. You know, right?

Yeah, I feel like. And so no, Jake didn't, which is bullshit. He couldn't figure it out. He couldn't put it. Now I bet he's using it all the time. I bet he's got a shirt that says I love blambers. I'm sure he does. Sounds like him.

Okay, so we never finished up. Does Jonathan, are there ever moments where you're like, just be an L.A. guy and call somebody. Oh, there's never a thing that he's not fixing himself, pretty much. It never, like, annoys me because if he doesn't fix it himself, he'll get someone in to fix it. But sometimes it's at breakneck speed. I was like, there's somebody here already fixing the thing.

Like, he does everything so fast. So he just love it. It sounds like you're enamored. It's good because I don't know how to fix all those. those things. He has a little list and he loves to tinker. So we have a place in New York and we were there for Thanksgiving and he spent the entire time hiding from you guys. No, he was just fixing stuff the whole time. Like he spent an entire day fixing things. Similarly, we were in Nashville for Thanksgiving and I spent the entire trip trying to figure out the pool heaters that were both broken. Oh, he'd be

obsessed. Yeah, yeah. It's all I did is draining the pool at one point. Maybe we need to go on vacation together and you guys can just fix stuff pretend. Sounds like a horrible vacation. Just looking at what's wrong. He'll be like, oh, there's something wrong. Let me help you. He's like, why do you call me? He's like, why don't you call me?

He's like, why don't you call me? I would have come over. He'll go to neighbor's houses and, like, weed through water and fix their thing. Oh, he's a hero. He fixes all the neighbors stuff. The water thing and I don't know what they're even called, but he fixes them. How far is he willing to travel? because my home is almost ready, and I surely will need, I can't do anything.

He will travel. He will travel. Okay. He's got a tool. I'm going to make a list for him. Yeah, make a list. Okay. I watched a video of him walking, I guess, people through your house. I watched the architectural digest. And me. I was in the new. Yes, you weren't. You were great. Oh, was it in our L.A. house or New York? L.A. I'm presuming. This was a Christmas specific video. Okay. That's our house. Yeah, yeah. And he was showing all the Christmas decorations. that apparently takes six days to put up.

Yes. And when I saw this footage, it's overwhelming. It's Descanso garden level. So you guys really go berserk. We go berserk. And do you help with that or is that all him? Yeah, well, I'm always involved in the design. When we started our really crazy decorating journey, I pulled tons of inspiration photos.

Like I wanted it to look like a vintage kind of Christmas. But then since then, we have these guys from this place, Glitterville, come and do our house, and they do an amazing job. You have the same tree I noticed. You have a fake tree that's a good 12 feet tall. They're all fake, which I like a real tree, but Jonathan likes to have the trees that we take in and out, and then they have the lights built in. At first, I was like, a fake tree, because growing up, we always got real trees.

But now I've come to love our trees, but they're decorated amazingly. Last year was champagne. Ooh. One of the trees. This year, that same tree is more like gingerbreadty. It was very Dr. Seuss. And then we have one tree that's super colorful. And then upstairs, each of the kids have their own trees.

They can just make whatever ornaments and, like, put all those, like, creative things. And they'll, no doubt, be, like, really fun because the kids always do fun stuff. And then Elsia has a little Christmas tree in her room. It's funny because growing up, our tree always had these special ornaments. Now it's more like we have this decorating, it's a little more polished. Yeah. It was all on a theme. Yeah, it's very well-balanced.

Yeah. I also read which I'm interested in because we're in the same situation. I presume one of our children wants to act. Your daughter? They both like to perform. My daughter, she does theater, musical theater. She's a good singer and actor and she likes to perform. It's like she openly likes it.

My son breakdances and he does like to do theater and stuff like that. But then he'll be like, I don't want it. And then he'll be like, oh, hey, watch this. And then he'll do like a crazy breakdancing move. Like if he were here and I said, hey, Charlie, can you break dance? And he'd be like, no. But if he were here and we were ignoring him, he'd be like, let me show you a break dancing move. Yeah, watch these flips.

Sounds like we have the same rule in the house, which is, you know, when you're an adult, go crazy. But you're not acting professionally. Exactly. So that was my parents rule because they were in the business. They said to me, if you want to be an actor, you can get an agent and go to auditions when you're 16 and can drive yourself. Right. But you're not going to be like a child actor and we're not taking you to set.

But you can do as much theater and music stuff and whatever you want to do. We just want you to be a kid. We have the same program. But then I heard you in an interview today talking about this unexpected thing that has happened, which is some of their classmates are on TV. They're in shows or they're in movies and they do leave school and audition. And they're in commercials. And it is funny because my kids will be like, yeah, that's Sarah from.

So in some weird ways, it's very out of touch. Yet they live in this house with profession. It's very weird. It is weird. I'd imagine for that. Yeah, Elsie said to me, well, so-and-so did a commercial. And I'm like, okay, well, I'm not their mom. Yeah, that's the great for them.

But I also am like, do you guys want to learn a ton of lines and have thousands of dollars going out the window if you don't know them? I want you to have the experience where. You can be a little more relaxed about your prep and then learn through doing theater and all that. And then by the time you're an actor, if you want to be, you're a professional who comes to set prepared. It's a real thing. Probably the kids' parents who are in the commercial, the parents are not actors. That's the thing.

They don't know, oh, you should really get a handle on it now before you need to go be professional. Or for them, it's exciting. I'm like, oh, my God, you're going to do a commercial. And every kid is different. I mean, there are kids, you know, when you work with the kid actors that you're like, you were the kid that's meant to be a kid actor. Josh Hutcherson. I'm like, so glad. Oh, my God. I work with Josh when he was a kid too. Oh, you did?

Yes. He was a bridge to Cherbithea. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Anna Sophia Robb, too, they were the kids in this movie and I was like, you guys are so insanely professional. I think there's the kids that are kid actors, and I think my kids will, like, come to the place. I just also want them to want to do it. I want to protect going to Northwestern with crazy outfits and not fitting in. Yes, exactly. That's what I want to protect.

I don't want them being famous at 18 when they're supposed to be getting their ass kicked and confused. I want all the character building stuff. Yeah, me too. It's why I like drill, make sure that we're always polite. When you go to someone's house, that you're not assuming you get, you know, it's like that you say thank you and please. You make sure they know you're happy to be there and all that stuff. I'm like, there's so much to learn without then also having to earn money. Have a job.

Yeah, because it's a real job. And sometimes even the most mature kids have a freak out on set. And I'm like, I don't want that to be my kid. Yeah, I know, I know. You saying that be polite made me think of this other thing that I think is hard to navigate when you have kids and you're on TV, which is I need them to know we're getting treated nicer than you're supposed to get treated. Right. I know.

When you and Jonathan go to a restaurant, There are some people there are going to be excited. You're there and they're going to be extra nice to you. They might send you an extra dessert. Yes. I feel trapped in the situation where it's like it's not their fault. Their real life experiences everywhere we go, people are more excited. But I also need to prep them for the reality of life, which is like people are not excited to wait on you.

Well, they were so young. I was on a TV show. Jonathan was on a TV show. My sister was on a TV show. My brother-in-law was on a TV show. They had a friend over and they were like, what's your daddy's TV show? Oh, my God. See, exactly.

Exactly. I was like, uh, I go, not everybody's dad or mom does TV. Well, so, yeah, grandpa is in the industry. They thought everyone had a TV show. And I was like, oh, no, okay, we need to make sure they know everyone has different jobs. Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare. Thanks again to our presenting sponsor, Audible, for their support. So Audible just dropped their best of 2025 collection.

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Okay, one thing we just grazed on last time you were here, but now I'm way more interested in it, and I want to talk more for a minute, and it's going to drive Monica crazy, but it also would be good. ADHD. Yes. Oh, was it going to drive you crazy? Well, she rightly so. Me too. It's in your algorithm. ADHD clips. That's all anyone sees now. Everyone thinks they have it. I think I do. And this is frustrating, of course, because everyone's self-diagnosing.

No, I think you do. Okay. And I'll be honest. I now do think you do. You do. Okay. But I kind of think this is part of why I don't like it. We're going to be honest here on the Christmas episode. For once, maybe you told us. last time. Yeah, she's talked about it to bunch. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't have an issue with Zoe because that's a thing that's been in your life for so long. I was diagnosed. The thing is, is like you have

a neuropsych when you're a kid and you need to be diagnosed because it's a whole thing. And you have to take a really long test. It's like multiple days of testing. Yes. And then they diagnose you with that and usually other learning differences. But when you're an adult, all you have to be is like, I have trouble focusing when I want to do my taxes. And that's not the same. as going through a battery of tests. Thank you. You're actually proving my point. What's your take on everyone

thinking they have ADHD? I just know that a lot of them aren't correct. I do feel like the way that our world is right now, it's not conducive to people being able to focus. But the thing is, ADHD isn't a problem with being able to focus. Sometimes it's focusing more than you should on things. Yeah, obsessing.

Yeah. You always have something you're obsessed with. You know, I'm a deep dive, like crazy person. Yeah, yeah. But I like, like that about myself. And the thing about ADHD is I usually feel like a lot of actors have ADHD. So I'd say if you're an actor, comedian, I'm likely to think that if you say you think you do, that you probably do. Well, as these memes have taken over my feed, I noticed I would answer yes to a majority of these things.

Yeah. In the best way, ADHD people are like super magical and awesome. It feels like it would make sense if you said that. Okay, okay. Tell me about brushing your teeth. When you brush your tooth, is that abnormally? Boring? Yes. So freaking boring. I think it's my most hated.

I have. You think it's everyone. Guys. Okay, here we go. Nobody likes brushing their teeth. So I think the differences, it's like you don't like doing it, but you do it. It's excruciating. And that's why I'll be like, I need an audio book I love to listen to while I brush.

And like doing my face products and everything, I'm like, but 100%. By the way, this. This is kind of hard to do because Zoe really has it. Yeah, yeah. But I don't have it. I don't think. You seem neurotypical to me. Yes.

I don't think I have it. And yet I put on a podcast to brush my teeth and do my fate. Like, I can't. Or I have to go in the other room and be doing something else. I don't think you're able. I think that's just society. We're so frantic. We're scrolling.

We're doing this. We have three devices on at once. It's what we're now used to, that kind of frenetic energy. So maybe at one point I could brush my teeth, but now I can't. And I don't think that means I have ADHD. No, it doesn't. It just means I'm living in a headspace that this world is created, and I think you are too. But he does have dyslexia, and that is sort of maybe a comorbidity.

I mean, he hasn't. I think he's got, I think he's part of this very wonderful club. I know it is a wonderful club, but I have to say the reason now I think you have it, you're not going to like what I'm about to say. Is I interrupt? Yes. Obviously, that's a thing that we've discussed here a lot because it's like, we can't do it because it's a show. And yet I can see that you really, really can't stop. But my worry is that you are now like, well, I have ADHD, so I'm just not going to stop.

That's my fear. I always think there's a deeper thing that people are worried about. So, yeah, I'm never going to use ADHD as an excuse for anything. If I interrupt, I still don't want to interrupt, and I may mean not to. So I understand that there's different reasons why people interrupt. So people can interrupt because they come from a family where everyone interrupts, which ADHD runs a family. And like my whole family has ADHD.

My family constantly interrupting. And it's hard for me too. But I will say that there's lots of reasons why people interrupt. But one reason why people with ADHD interrupt a lot is because you're worried you're going to forget what you're going to say. And you're like, if I don't say it right now, I'm going to forget. And it's really important. And so it can be really hard.

People will think it's rude when you interrupt. But it's not. You're just so excited about what's happening. You've got to say something. But it's kind of rude because, again, and this is like brushing your teeth, I, too, have thoughts that I'm like, I'm going to forget it because I'm not going to be able to say it right now because they're talking. And I'm just going to have to be okay forgetting it so that everyone can have space talking. That's the right way. I guess I feel like that's a sacrifice that has to be made.

Of course, there are some things that you don't want to be using ADHD as an excuse, but it might be an explanation for certain things. But again, it is a tricky space to get into where you start being like, well, that's okay. It's why I don't get anything done because I have ADHD. It's like, well, no, that's not an excuse to not. You can still get stuff done. You might have to figure out a new way or some different coping mechanisms.

And I will say that because I was diagnosed so young, and I had educational therapy really young, I was taught. I was in educational therapy two days a week from the time I was pretty young. And I never felt bad about it or anything. I just knew some stuff was different for me, but I was taught a lot of coping mechanisms, which was so helpful. And I was never medicated. I didn't need to be medicated. I just needed some tools. And to understand, I need more time than other people to do things.

I need to build in more time. If I don't wake up two hours before I have to leave, I'll be like, oh, my God, running back in the house like 40 times. I did it this morning where I was like running back. I forgot the dang bread. My mom brought it over. I forgot the dang bread. I go back in. I'm like, oh, my God, I need my lip gloss.

Two things you did need today. I need it. But it's like, that's the kind of thing. I had to run back. And even then, I did wake up two hours before. I might have woken up three hours before and I still am like, well, you know, but I need a lot of extra time. to prep myself, because otherwise, my energy can be frenetic and chaotic. All over the place.

We can say time blindness. Time blindness is real. I have clocks everywhere. Clocks is good. Do you have the self-abuse, the kind where when you err, you really destroy yourself for a long time? Yes. And we used to call it the endless tape of most embarrassing moments. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

My sister and I would talk about this. We're like, do you have an endless running video in your mind of like the dumbest shit you ever did? just playing on repeat. Like you're in a place where it's just like, no, we're never going to stop this. It's always out. Yeah.

I just glance over. I can just watch it play out yet. It's always back there. Oh, that was dumb. Let's watch that again. I think about stuff I said when I was eight years old. Me too. I feel bad about things I said when I was like four.

Oh, there's this one I think of all the time. It means nothing. I think about nonstop. My mom picked me up from school one day and I decided, I'm going to sit on the floor of the car in front of the front seat. And I thought it was cool.

And she was asking me about my day and I was being very aloof because I was feeling like I was very cool. I just had this moment of feeling very cool. I think about that all the time. Like how embarrassing. I was acting cool in from my mom. She was like, what is he doing? He's sitting on the floor and he's acting like he's like Fonzorelli all of a sudden.

Like I had maybe one good day at school or something. I was feeling myself. Maybe there's a reason you remember that though because that was a time I was inauthentic and I hated that feeling. I don't want to do that anymore. Yeah. There's a reason some of those stick out. But it's so insignificant, right? Yeah.

I was acting cool and aloof. sitting on the floor, but once a week I think about that for five minutes. I'd be like, how do I get that out of my head? Do I apologize to my mom for this? Hey, remember, 84? You picked me out from school. January 4th. Okay.

Let's talk about your movie. Okay, yes. Merv. Merv. You and Charlie Cox. Yes. Daredevil. Yes.

The movie starts as breaking up. It's characters that have broken up, but they're sharing a dog. And the dog is depressed. He's not taking it well. What kind of things is he not doing? He doesn't want to go for walks or runs. He doesn't want to eat. He's like depressed.

What kind of dog is he? A mutt. You have to do a mud, I think, in modern cinema. Yeah. I think they toyed with different dogs. I mean, what's harder is that you have to find a bunch of dogs that look just like this special mutt. Because they cast this dog named Gus that's incredible. Yeah, we love Gus.

Gus is an incredible dog actor. But then they had to cast three or four more dogs that were similar to Gus. Gus, but he's like a big terrier mix mutt. If you cast a Brussels griffon or something, they all look the same pretty much. Yeah. Some cuter than others, but yeah. Yeah, exactly. Or not that they all look the same, but pretty much more or less.

You can get away with it in a wide shot for sure. Yeah. This was harder. They had to dye a dog's beard or something, another dog. I don't know. Because they also had to be trained dogs. They had a special dog groomer that came in. How old was Gus?

I don't know. How long has he been acting? He's been acting a while. He's incredibly well trained and honestly loves sausages a lot. And that's what he's working for. Those are the treats. See the human food. They like the human food. Yeah, well, they have to give him healthy treats because he gets a lot of treats. So they have to give him like healthy chicken breast. They love chicken breast. They were cooking it up. Yeah. They're cooking. They had little bags. I wondered how old he was because I rented a sloth one time to come over for Kristen's birthday party. Oh, yeah. Okay, great. Incredible little video. How old was the sloth? The sloth was eight or nine, but as it turned out, once we met the sloth, the sloth had been an outbreak. It had a much better career than either of us had at the time that I hired her to come over to the house for the birthday party.

Does she still love sloths as much? No, I think I kind of ruined it for her a bit. Oh, no, really? Because I think. Well, the world ruined. The world did. You know, like, if you didn't know what to get her, you got her some of the sloth. I think she got inundated with sloth stuff.

So I think I might have tamped down maybe her love. Yeah, you know, when you're a kid and it's like, oh, my, I love penguins. And then for the rest of your life, if someone sees something with the penguin, they get it for you. You're like, I don't really love penguins anymore. I'm 40. Right. Well, my kids both have animal middle names. So, like, when they were babies, my daughter's Elsie Otter and my son's Charlie Wolf.

And it was like, nonestopped wolves and otters. And Elsie goes, that's not my favorite animal. Oh. And I was like, well, it's a great animal. You're like, it's my favorite. It's mine. Okay. So, the dog is bereft.

Charlie's character takes the dog on a beach vacation, but then I can't let go. But what is the premise of the vacation spot? It's like a dog beach. It is specifically. It's really cute. We had all these scenes are like millions of dogs. That was so fun and funny. They had ones where dogs are like riding around.

People are going to love this. It's a dog movie, a rom-com, and kind of a little bit of a Christmas movie, too. So it's fun stuff. It's all in one. Any of these things appeal to you. You'd be dead inside if not one of those items of Christmas, romance and puppies. Puppies. Now, the scenes with like 30 dogs on the beach to take for an eternity,

was there so many dog wranglers and the little clickers? There's varying levels of dog actors. Like humans. There are scenes where they're like establishing dog beach. They have dogs do this and that. And there's always one dog that's like, well, I mean, Gus is a pro. One and done. This is a decaprio.

But like, sometimes there will be a dog that's like a dog background actor that's not an actor really. They're more of like a show dog or something like that. He's an extra. Let's be real. So they're not as experienced. And so maybe it took a little longer, but it was good. I would say it can be challenging to act a scene. And then the dog has to do blocking. And the dog trainers are there and they're like, go with, go with.

And then the dog's like, but there's a sausage over here. Oh, yeah. So we would always have to have sausage. in our pockets would be like, smart, I've got a sausage too. Oh, wow. This is a lot. That's important.

Cats are not as good at acting. As much as I love them, they're very smart, but they're like, we do what we want to do. I had one scene on New Girl where there was a million cats on my car, and that was crazy. The cats just will not. They don't cooperate. No, they're all just like,

hence the term herding cats. Herding cats is hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cats just do what they want to do. They're very smart, but they do what they want to do. They want approval. They're more like me. My cats aren't super food motivated.

There aren't that many things. I have one cat that's like, no, if you have a treat, she's suspicious of you. She thinks you're trying to get her. Again, it's more. Yeah. It's like, you know, you're not supposed to get in a car with a stranger when they give you candy. Pickle will not. Pickle's not getting in the car.

Did you feel a little stress reentering the Christmas movie space since you are in an iconic one? Well, it happened by accident because when I read this script, I was just like, it's a cute rom-com. And I didn't even, like, notice that it was sort of set during Christmas. Yeah. Because it wasn't, like, the front and center thing. It's more in the realm of love, actually, or die-hurt where there's Christmas in the background. It's the context. But it's not about Santa Claus or elves or Christmas-specific characters.

And it's not a Christmas-specific plot line. Just happens to have these nice little cozy Christmas vibes. Ooh, I like that. That's how I ended up. But I'm like, you know what, it's great to have this little sprinkling. Yeah. It's kind of that. It adds.

Because you want to have things that take place during the time when you're reminded how important your loved ones are. Oh, it's true. Yeah. Is it a tearjerker? A little bit, but it's mainly funny, but it has a few tear jerky moments. Okay. For those. Do you want a couple of tears jerked out?

I'm ready. Jerked out. You might have a tear. Removed. Okay, I'll let you know. But you're not going to be like crying the whole movie. There's no. And Charlie Cox is a classic babe.

Yeah. Yeah, I think that'll be working for you a lot. In between the cries, I think you'll be getting excited for Charlie Cox. It's a good rom-com. I love a rom-com. A dying breed. We need more. I agree.

We need more. They're work in the marketplace. Yeah. It's weird. There's not more. Now, I'm going to ask you an annoying question, I think, probably everyone does. But because I'm friends with Jake, I just feel like, clearly they're going to want you guys to do that show again. Would you ever do that show?

I would. Yeah. It's so good. I don't know if Jake would. If it were down the street from his house, he would be like, I'll show up twice a week. I'll give you a 12. We didn't ask him. We should have asked him. Yeah, maybe that's what I should have done.

We'll have to ask Max. We'll get them all. We'll get them lined up. If you guys get them lined up. But it's probably as big as it ever was when it was out, yeah? I think bigger. Yeah. We had a huge opening. And then we were like fighting baseball because they had the baseball contract on Fox.

We had like all this traction and then they kept having to take us off for a week because baseball and there was a lot of stuff like that where we got a little bit slowed down and in the network TV world. It was like one of the first years that you were putting things on Netflix, too, because they put our show on Netflix the day after it aired. So we couldn't actually always see really our real ratings because a lot of people were watching on Netflix. Right. I thought it was such a smart marketing move because then people ended up watching who missed it or weren't aware of it.

They just see it up on there. So it's hard to even know exactly. And then we were on for a long time, but it felt like we were just kind of chugging along. I think they're good at convincing all of us that the show's barely working. The whole six years on Parenthood was like, I don't know if we're going to bring you back all six years. The whole time I kept being like, I think it's a really big hit.

There's not a day that goes by. People tell me it means so much of them. And then they're like, I don't know. It was definitely a weird transition time and networked. Yeah. What's the name of the game in the show? True American. Yes, true American.

Have they made that into a real game? They should, but one of our writers, it was a game that she played with friends in college, but it was actually just a physical game of strength. And a bunch of, like, her guy friends would, like, kind of play this. And then when they introduced it, it didn't really have instructions. At first it was like, they play true American. So we just kind of improvised most of it to seem opaque, to seem like it was a game that was really weird.

Had no rules. Made up rules. Yeah. And then people started trying to impose the rules on after the fact, which I was like, it's kind of a dangerous thing, but kind of great. Yeah. I'm in. So good.

Yeah. What a great show. Are we going to sing? I think we are. Will you sing a song? I will. I want to say that you guys really like willed this in because I kept trying to be like, I haven't practiced. You're like, we don't care.

I know. And you're like, we'll get you someone to accompany you. And I was like, well, you said, could you find a keyboard player? And I was like, well, I don't have time. And you're like, we got one. Yeah. And I was like, you know. Well, I was like, they wanted this much.

Then I'll do it. It's Christmas. It's Christmas. I know. And I was listening. to she and him's Christmas. Oh, my favorite. A very she and him Christmas I was listening to this morning

the whole time I was researching. Yeah. Yeah, you're going to see a DM from me that's like, I love it. Oh, wait, I'll give you my phone number because I erased Instagram from my phone. Smart. So I'm not doom scrolling all the time. Smart. It really, I have so much time now.

I mean, no offense to Instagram. There's lots of great things about it. But I just erased it. And I was like, you know what? Anyone who needs to get in touch with me will be able to get in touch with me. And I just erased it. my phone and I realized there's a whole world that's there. And I raise TikTok. I still watch YouTube because it's long form. Yeah. And I like to like learn things. A lot of times

they're like educational stuff. Sure. But the doom scrolling because I spent two hours watching cat videos. I know. I'm telling myself the second we don't do this show that I'm going to leave. I know. That's how I feel. But then it's like there's going to be something else. But I have someone else post for me. Yeah. So I'm still active and I still do all the stuff to post. Like I take pictures and stuff. Yeah. And I say what to post, but I'm not, it's not affecting my time and personal I love that. I moved it to like the last page on my phone, so I got to go through it. But that hasn't slowed me down on the way I was hoping. Oh, I did so many things. I was like, and I would break through everyone. I downloaded another app that was supposed to limit it. It'd be like,

you're blocked and I'd just get around it. Like override. Sure, sure, sure. Pick up another device. I'd be like, you have to want it. Yeah. So I had to realize. that for me, Instagram was, and TikTok, so addictive that I had to take it off my phone. Wait, I have to ask one more thing before we sing because it just reminded me. What's on your Christmas dinner plate? Ooh, table. Okay. I like chicken.

I like chicken. You know, like a good roast chicken. Yeah, beautiful roasted potato. I love all the roasted vegetables. Yes. I love roasted beets and all this kind of winter vegetables. I like a roasted potato better than a mashed potato. Okay.

Yeah. With skin on. Yes. It's crispy. It's crispy. It's crispy, crispy. It's called roasted, but we know. But it's a fried.

There's enough oil on that and it's hot enough that it is basically fried. I like a good salad. I believe a salad belongs on the table. To be enjoyed with all the roasted things. I'm not turning my nose up at any of the other Christmas meats or a salmon. Okay, wow. You were pescatarian for a minute. I was vegetarian and then pescatarian.

Then I realized I'm allergic to like a lot. of the fake meat things. Almost every protein powder I can't eat. Oh, really? This is from weight protein, which I can eat a little bit, but my fingers become cracked. Oh, wow. And I noticed that when I stop eating weight protein, it goes away. Have you tried a weight isolate? Oh, maybe that's what I have to do. That's what you need to do. Because I can't have way and way isolate, no problem. Okay, you know what I can do is bone broth protein. Okay, that's great. And they have like chocolate flavor why I mean it tastes just like a regular protein batter but I'll try the isolate and I can't have pea protein I'm really allergic to that I can't have soy protein I'm allergic to

that pretty much all the vegetarian things were challenging and then I was not getting enough protein so I now I do eat meats yeah yeah sustainably yeah yeah and then for desserts yeah and then for desserts yeah I like cookies I'm a cookie we we thought you're a cookie monster yeah do I have one I might have to add you I've got a cookie Group chat. What? Oh my God. That's like recipes flowing?

No, it's all the places we've gotten good cookies. That's even better for you. That's way better. Yeah, because you like to shop. Yeah, I love shopping. And coastmates where you can, you know, door to. Get cookies delivered.

You know, Rob makes an incredible Christmas cookie. Really? Yes, he'll have to give you the recipe. Sorry, Rob, but you have to give it your recipe. Is it like a cutout cookie? No, it's white chocolate cranberry. It's so good. You love him, too. I even cheat a little bit. Yeah, you cheat on your gluten with those.

Well, you'll, you might have a piece of the bread. Yeah, I'll have a little piece of the bread. Yeah, yeah, I will. Toast it. I definitely want to show my love to your mother. You don't have to. I remember that you were avoiding the gluten, but I still brought the bread anyway. No, I'm glad you did. But she was like one of them. Yes.

You'll eat it. Yes. And you can share it. And you know what? You don't think you can eat all this slice it and then put it in the freezer. And you know that thing about the bread that when you freeze it. It lowers its glycemic index. It's really amazing. Kristen freezes all of our bread before the family eats it.

So you can do that. That's what she actually mostly does. She makes her own bread and then we'll freeze it a lot. Smart. All these sourdough people are the same. It takes over your whole life. Like our freezer is just full of sliced frozen bread. Yeah, yeah.

We're the beneficiaries of it. Yeah. That's right. Okay. Okay. On to the song. Yeah, we're going to sing the song. Okay.

All right. Have yourself a merry little Christmas Let your heart be light From now on our troubles will be out of sight Have yourself a merry little Christmas Make the Yule Tide Gave From now on our troubles will be miles away Here we are as in olden days, happy golden days of your faithful friends who are dear to us gather near to us once more.

And through the years we all will be together if the fates alone. Hang a shining star up on the highest bow. And have yourself a myself A Merry Little Christmas now. Now. Oh, and there's a cricket. I know. You guys are a cricket joke in the middle.

It's really sweet. It was kind of like, it's nighttime now. Yeah, the crickets are too. You guys know where the song came from. No. Tell us. It was in Meet Me and St. Louis.

And the first person to sing it was Judy Garland. Oh. And it's like heart wrenching. Please watch. Yes. She sings it and it's like the family's going to move away from St. Louis. Oh, no. To New York City.

Everyone's sad about it. And she's singing it to her baby sister to say like, it's going to be okay. Yeah. It's so beautiful. Watch it. I'm crying. Years are behind my eyes. Just thinking about it.

Anyway. You guys, that was beautiful. Thank you. Thank you so much. It was amazing. I have one flub. This is how musicians are. It's never good enough.

I don't believe in like not having little things that are different. You know what I mean? I agree. That's the beauty. Yeah, there was no flubs. No, no flubs. It was a birthmark. We record in ways so we can't fix mistakes.

So I believe in that. Like, I like that. That's how we did my last record. That's how I know on the wolf stuff. It's just the take. Well, it sounds so good. Yeah. Yeah.

The take is the take. The take is a take. You make that perfection. I've sung backup or guessed it on people's records. And I see how a lot of people do it is that they fix every line. It sounds perfect, but all of a sudden doesn't sound as much like... As interesting. You if you don't have the musical through line.

Like, there's a story to that performance. Yes, absolutely. I feel the way with click. No, we don't use click ever. Remember, when you're seeing a show live, the record clicks, sometimes I get it. I'm in a session, and I'm like, okay, at least we can punch it in, I guess. It's simple to keep everyone on the same click track. When you see something live to click, it changes the whole, my insides just go like, ugh.

Matt? Same. I don't like click. My also don't like click. Yeah, I just don't like it. It's like personal thing. You don't need it. You don't need it. They didn't have it before.

They didn't have it before you guys were talking about it. And I don't have to... Jimmy Hendrix, he wasn't using click. No. He didn't use it. He wasn't his soul. Nobody needs click. I'm going to state the most obvious thing it's been said all the time about your singing,

but it's so just true, which is it's so nostalgic. Like, I think I'm hearing the song from 70 years ago. It's, yes, it's so incredible voice. It's very timeless, warm. Thank you. Yeah, nostalgic. It kind of is bigger than the sound somehow. I just love it.

Thank you. We feel very grateful. You know, I'm so glad we force you to do it. And I'm glad that I got to work with you. And I'm glad I got to sing for you guys. And you'll have a little bit more spring in your Christmas step now. I feel good. And I love that song.

Such a beautiful song. I'm happy to sing in. Thank you, Jacob, for coming back. Yes, again. Again. You're amazing. All right, well, Merry Christmas to both of you guys. Merry Christmas.

It's been so fun. Happy New Year. Happy New Year. I just want to urge everyone to see Merv, December 10th on Prime Video. Check it out, unless you're allergic to adorable dog. rom-com or Christmas. If you're allergic to any of those three, that's not for you.

But if you're a human, you're going to love it. And revisit the She and Him holiday album. Pop that on. Yeah. We have two of them. Two. Revisit the two. She and Him and watch Murv. December 10th, Prime Video.

Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare. I sure hope there weren't any mistakes in that episode, but we'll find out when my mom, Mrs. Monica, comes in and tells us what was wrong. Hi, Merry Christmas time. Look these fun slacks you're wearing. Yes, I'm wearing cozy slacks where you're going to come sit. I'm wearing leggings for the winter. These are leggings. But they're a jog suit?

No, this is a sweater. Oh, but they have a gusset and a waistband? Yeah, they have a waistband. Oh, okay. So there's a difference between leggings and joggers or pants. Yeah, these are tight. They're leggings. Oh, I thought leggings, what are these?

Bike shorts? No, no, where the leg is like starts here and ends here. Oh, leg warmers maybe? Leggings? No. This is. This is a legging. Okay.

A legging is a, um, I have a clothing. Oh, stockings. Stockings, I think is what I thought. Who wears them? Mrs. Claus. Does she wear stockings? Probably. What do people wear under their skirts?

Stockings? Tights. Stalkings are tights. They just, right, don't, I don't know. I'll tell you this, though, Mrs. Claus. is, I think, generally, horny. Okay, I looked it up. Stockings are close-fitting garments

covering the foot and leg from the foot to the thigh or waist, typically made from sheer nylon, silk or other stretchable materials for fashion warmth or medical reasons. Medical reason? Distinct from connected panty hose and also refer to large sock-shaped bags

for Christmas gifts. That's why I was saying Mrs. Claus. I knew stock, you know, the chimney was hung and there were stockings with care or something. But that stocking stuffers, right? Whatever. No, those aren't leggings, though. Those are, like, two...

These are leggings. They are leggings? Yes. See good. I'm glad you had the same confusion. I thought I was on your side when I was saying this. Otherwise, I wouldn't have brought up. What did you think leggings were?

I just tighter versions of that. And all the way up, like a pant? They are. I know they are. Yeah, yeah. For some reason, leggings and mine didn't have a waistband and pockets. There's no pockets. I know, but you know you could have pockets.

No, leggings. have a waistband, they're all the way up. Like, you have Lulu Lemon Leggings. They're elastic, normally. Elastic. This is, this is. Do they call them Lulu leggings? I should.

Okay, well, it's our Christmas episode for the core team. Here he comes. The reindeer. People complain. Yeah. I know we're over, but people complain. What are you doing? Oh.

But now it's evolved to just. Oh, my God. People complained? Yeah, I didn't do it last year. Oh, last year. Yeah, somehow I forgot to do Elvis last year. That is shocking. And four people complained, and a million people were grateful.

So I'm going to definitely make the four people. So you bridge the gap. I thought you meant people complain that you would do it. And you're going to do it anyways. So you would imagine that would be a complaint, but I have to say I've never read that complaint. And people are willing, they're free flying with their complaints, as we know. Sure. You know that.

I, we all know that. So can we ask what everyone's success rate was because I've been very unsuccessful. With our gifts? Yeah, like shipping. I was, okay, I'll go first. Ladies first. Ladies first. I was very nervous about one of them.

was, I ordered it over a week ago from a place that's very close by. So that was a mistake. I should have just gone. When I called, they were like, oh, we could have just messagered it to you. And I was like, okay, I wish I knew that. And it wasn't coming. It wasn't coming. And then I kept getting the FedEx stickers where it came and left and came and left.

And it required a signature? Yes. And I kept trying to change it. And I couldn't change it. They should outlaw signature required. It's my number one grievance. Do you ever try signing it and then writing on it, please leave this? I have done it.

It doesn't work. It doesn't work. They have to follow the law. Well, they're not willing to lose their job over making you happy. And I know, as you could declare on FedEx and UPS and USPS to see that I'm like, I'm done. Yeah. I don't give a fuck if it's stolen. I think instead of it defaulting to it is a signature, it should default to there's no signature and you click it if you are someone who's like, I need

this. I think whoever you bought it from, they like to require signatures so that they don't ever get blamed. Yeah, that's what, that's what it is. But I'm saying it should be reversed. So anyway, it, I, I canceled an appointment to stay at home on the day that I was like, it's supposed to arrive today. You sat at home all day long. I did. And it did arrive. Thank God. So I signed for it. It makes me think of the guy who knocks on the door and then they pull it open and he's still holding the handle and vacation. Christmas vacation, he's holding the gift from his boss. He's been waiting for, but somehow he's holding, he's like cling, cling, cling. And then when they open, he's like holding that in the wreath, I think.

I'm sorry. I forgot to do this. Your favorite movie? Yeah. Christmas movie. Your favorite Christmas movie. Yeah. Well, my situation was I ordered you a bunch of things.

that were coming from Nyok. Yock? Yock. Oh. And Newark. Newark. The Newark Airport. And I had loads of time.

When I ordered it, they were going to be here like two weeks ago. That's an exaggeration. A week and a half ago. Okay. And then it was like, hey, it's going to be later. It's going to be later. Then, hey, we're not even going to send one of these things. Like, we can't find this.

Yeah, that's done. Was it a limited edition item? Well, it's a no edition item. Oh, I really want it. They had it on their website, but they didn't have it in their stock room. So, okay, so I ordered those, and those are, ironically, if we believe the app, is going to be here at $2.30. Oh, wow. That's exciting.

Exactly when we're done recording. After all this, me watching it every day and tracking it every day. I know. It's stressful. But then even worse than this is my fault, and this applies to both of you, is then I then ordered a lot of stuff off Amazon. And what I fucking, it's my fault. I got to double check when I order stuff. Okay. Because I order stuff to Tennessee so much.

Oh, no. Yeah. So yesterday I started getting all those alerts you get from Amazon, like in your email. Deliver, deliver, deliver. And I'm like, great. I go outside and nothing there. I'm like, what the fuck? Open up to take a picture.

That's Mount Juliet. Oh, shit. So about five things are in Nashville for you. Oh. Three things for years, but yours were just. cute things to make this thing better. But it is heartbreaking because I really thought of something cute. So anyways, I entered this having really failed,

and I'm ashamed and embarrassed that I failed everyone. Now, are you going to tell us what they are? Yeah, so that's my question. Your shit gets here, you know, after we start recording our next guest. Yeah. But I feel like I should tell you. Yeah. You could just, like, write on a piece of paper or print it off picture of it.

I know. I just hand you my phone. I mean, that works. Sure, and I'm like, ah! From, here's a clue from Bergdorf. Oh, shit. Just hand you a. That is from Newark Airport.

Exciting. Oh. No, I, I, this is great. That means I have presents to come. You do. And then also when I return home from Christmas vacation. More presents. Yeah, I'll be bringing back all this stuff.

I'll describe to you some of the cute things I got you. And Rob, how did it go for you? Mom is good. And one of them's a big swing. Oh, exciting. Which one? It'll be obvious. Yeah, it'll be obvious.

What if it's a boyfriend? What if it's a mold of his penis? Wow, that is a big swing. Figuratively and literally I heard from Natalie. So who goes first, the youngest? How do we do it? Yeah, Rob should go first. All right. Well, mine's two parts.

I'm going to view your gift. No, you receive first. Yeah, you should receive first. Do you want to receive from Dax or I? Ooh, big question. I just close my eyes and point so that I don't have to pick. It's at random. Youngest goes first.

Okay, so all. Yeah, give them your present. Okay. Give Robbie his present. There's writing on the back of that card. Okay. Ooh, that's a good sign. This gift is an honor of Friend of the Pod, Curtis Duffy.

Oh, you sneaky mouse. Christmas mouse. Squeak, squeak. It's in a Nikki Kehoe box. Yeah, that's a red herring. That's nice wrapping paper, too, nice and thick. Yeah, that's paper source. Or a reused app.

Yeah. Put that in a pile. It's a gift within a gift. I love how many grandmas would go home from Christmas with a bunch of wrapping paper. I know. And it's all creased up. I don't get it. It's not great.

So we've got a Max and Helen's hot sauce. Yeah. That's from your new favorite place? Yes. Okay. Update. I got in. She got in.

And it was so good. It was so good. I panicked as soon as I sat down that I was never going to be able to get back in. So I was like, got to order so many things. We saw you post meal. at Lily's and when you were saying everything you ordered at one point I was like oh shit them four of them must have got in and I was like how how many folks went just you and Jess just me and Jess you had about seven entrees right we got a tuna melt highly recommend

the tuna melt oh my god it was so good oh my tuna we agree tuna melt doesn't sound appetizing even though it can be appetizing to you because you don't like fish in general I think I think to a lot of people, tuna melt sounds nice. Melted fish? It's not, the fish itself isn't melted. There's cheese on it that's melted. I know, but tuna melt. You're biased on your...

There's cheese on the tuna melt? Yes, that's what I made. You never had a tuna melt? I don't like tuna either. Oh, my God. Well, okay, not for either. You may be. No, I do like a tuna fish.

Well, I like raw tuna. You can tune a guitar, but you cannot tuna fish. Okay. Highly recommend the tuna melt. We got an hand. and cheese omelette. That was an addition at the end. I wanted it.

Now, really quick, I would never, ever order a ham and cheese omelet from a place I've heard is great because how the fuck can you make it better? Like, a ham, eggs, ham and cheese. No, it was, it was so good. Several standard deviations above. Yeah, because the type of ham they were using very thin, very taste. Like a brochure or a matadon. Fluffy egg, too?

Fluffy egg. The cheese, I think, was greer. That was a last minute add-on. That was like, okay, we've eaten, but we've got to try the ham. We got to try it. Okay, so we got a matzabal soup, amazing. We got a... We got a toast.

No, we got an egg sandwich, like the breakfast sandwich. They upsold us on the waffle. We were not going to get a waffle, but they were like, do you want a waffle? Just like start? Yeah. And we were like, uh, I was like, do we need to get that? And he was like, we're known for our waffle. Was it that good?

It was so good. I was so glad we had it. I don't even love, I don't even like waffles. I hate them. I like them, but I'm never ordering them. I'm never ordering them. I'm normally going to go pancake over waffle. Oh.

And then hot chocolate. They're known for their hot chocolate. It's called Lily's hot chocolate. Oh, my goodness. And, um. Well, because Lily is Phil's daughter. That's right. She runs and owns it with her husband.

She was there. and then an egg cream. Do not sleep on the egg cream. Tell me what an egg cream is. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Do you need a second set of leggings? Yeah, I need to go.

I'm going to get stockings tonight. And you'll really see stuff. This will see through. Do you know about egg creams? I don't think so. Okay. They're a drink. They come in like a milkshake glass.

and but they it's kind of like a milkshake It's like a 50s thing right? Yeah Eggnoggy No it's like a milkshake mix with a seltzer kind of Like it's it's almost bubbly It's very light Oh my God

It was so good It was Jess got it and I took a sip And I was like Oh no I need one on the way out Yeah But I was so full I didn't get one on the way out But it was

I don't sleep on that Vanilla. We got vanilla. There's also a chocolate. Okay. That's what, of all the things you mentioned, that's what has been most excited to go there. The egg cream? Yeah. It's so good. Because I've never had an egg cream. Well, can you talk about the waffle some more? Sure. What kind of what's up with the waffle? It was. I love a waffle. I do too. I love swear words. It had like a yummy butter on top. It had like crispy? Yeah, it was crispy. It was crispy, but also thick and somehow fluffy in the middle, but crispy.

Yeah, that's the best kind. It was amazing. Anyway, highly recommend. I know it's so annoying because it's 1,800 hours the weight. Best 1,800 hours you could ever spend? I was happy that you're at a risk for these restaurants that you go in and it's going to be like, oh, it's like highfalutin diner food, which is not what you want when you go to a diner. You want diner food.

And it was. It was like classic diner food, but everything just tasted better than it would at a regular diner. So, man oh man. Anyway, the hot sauce, we got the hot sauce, too. Oh, we got home fries that came with the hot sauce, and it was so good. So they sell that. All right. Okay, next present.

And some of Mindy's hot chocolate, incredible. Mindy has her own. No. This is Mindy from Chicago. Oh, oh, okay. She has, it was a restaurant. We all went to. That was amazing.

And she moved into bakery. Oh, okay. And makes incredible hot chocolate and cookies and baked goods. And let's see. Some caramel, salted caramels. Caramels. Salte caramels. Salte caramels.

Please pronounce it correctly. Duck buttered caramels. From where, what is? It's just French. I don't know. These are from Bucatini, a really cute little shop in Echo Park. Awesome. And everything there is so cute.

I love salted caramels. I know that about you. Now, are you saying caramel for her? What would you normally say? I honestly, it depends. Yeah, I bounce back. I think what you said, caramel's immediately right off the, so I saw you. I think I feel pretentious if I say caramel.

Me too. Wow, I find that so counterintuitive, and I like it. Yeah, yeah. Caramel. These are nice. Some serving spoons. Because Rob is a, I don't know if people can tell. This is a food packaged gift.

Yeah, these are all great food items. And then a card. There's a card. Oh, ever in Chicago. Thank you. A meal forever. But I don't know when you're going to go because I don't know when you're going to be there. He's down with Chicago.

Just like you. Now he calls L.A. home. Well, that's true, but. He's still going to go there. No, I go. I just don't go during high traffic times. Yes. I reached out to them and I told them the situation.

And I said he's not going to be there for the holidays. but when he's there next, can he reach out and can we do this? And they said yes. Awesome. Well, thank you. You're welcome. What restaurant?

Ever? Curtis's restaurant. Curtis's restaurant. I'd go, I don't even care about going to eat there. I'd go just in hopes of seeing him. Yeah. Because I liked him so much. Great man.

He was a good boy. Remember when he taught us, though, about that in a martini glass or some sort of appetizer, but then he puts this very thin piece of sugar or something on top and then there's something. So it looks like it's floating. Do you guys remember that? I mostly remember the family side. I mean, that's the memorable part.

That was a big part of that. Yeah, yeah, that's why I want to see you. I mainly remember the sugar. Thank you. You're welcome. Okay, now Rob opens from back. Oh, we're going to go round again. You should round again.

Well, that makes kind of sense. I have a lot of siblings. Yeah. Why don't you go, Dad? So you're the next oldest. Is it all open from Rob? What if like I just, no, I tell you. Well, that's not, I got to, there's something first before you open that.

Oh, I think mine is the big sweet. Okay. Are you ready? Yeah. Oh, he's got to go away. What if it's living? A dog! Oh, my God!

Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare. Wait a minute. This would be a big swing. Oh, my God, there's something on screen. What? There's a video? Monica, this is your dream. No!

A little bit about me. I am caring. I care a lot. No, no, no, no. It's just the horn face. I'm ruggedly handsome. Oh, my God. I'm an intellectual.

I know a lot about a lot of stuff. I have a very high cue. I even have a PhD. Oh, does he? Quite cultured. I think of myself as having an evolved masculinity. I've got a lot of I'm heavy-breasted, and by that I don't mean that I have big boobs, but I have a lot of boobs.

She also got five or six of the penis. I know, but it's still somehow masculine, or at least bovine. I think of myself as being very comfortable with women in power. As a matter of fact, I prefer women to be in power. I prefer them to be whipping me. In fact, I love to support... I think of myself as a bra as just a big intergalactic bra. I am well over six feet tall.

Oh, I like that. I love that. I don't own a dog. I cannot stand dogs. I'm a cat person. I am a kitty cat person. I have a... I mean, I'm a little bit country, and I'm a little bit rock and roll.

What I'm looking for is a caring. He's actually getting me there. I want somebody to change me. Yeah. You did a good person telling him what I want. To change my bedding and also my pants. I'm currently unemployed and I am unemployable. I've been told that.

I'm morbidly obese and I can't stop smoking. I've been smoking by I've drunk. That is a that is a do or die. I have to smoke. smoke cigarettes almost constantly, and I also smoke cigars at the same time. At the same time. And, you know, I'm willing to move in. I'll give a shot.

I'll come. I own a ferret. And, you know, I don't know if you've seen the movie Beastmaster, but you can think of that. So I'm just a Beastmaster bra, ferret owning, unemployable, morbidly obese guy. Anyway, I can't wait to meet you, Monica. Wow. to meet you, I think you know me as,

desert a blowthar. Oh my God, he's in the full regalia. Oh, he just blew a kiss. Wow. Wow. Wow. Guar. It's good that we heard him before we saw him.

Telly Beauty and the Beast, you wanna get to know his spirit first. It's true. Before you see the horns and the many breasts. Oh, that's fantastic. Wow, Rob. And then that's his genitals. This is his dick right in here.

That's one of his seven penises. Wow. Well, that was fantastic. Oh, my God. Oh, it's Quar wrapping paperish. I mean, I'm officially branded, but there's demons on it. Demons. Well, that was really something.

That's incredible. That was fantastic. You always outdo yourself. Quar, I mean, I don't know. Guess what? He's funny. He's really funny. And he's clearly quite smart.

He's a PhD, he said. Oh, pretty huge. dick oh wow is that a thing yeah it's from friends but if you love friends that's better than a pretty huge dick or a beach oh oh that was great because we i was distracting her no no oh oh god oh god what do we have in there let's talk about a big swing what do we have it is uh so these are his udders oh he sent them he sent his sack of penises Whoa, I was joking so many times. I know.

I'm like, I'm afraid to touch it. No, don't be. Don't be. Oh, and a really like a cute little action figure. Oh. Wow. You know me so well. So he wears.

One of his sacks that he wears. Oh, my God. This is an actual. That's going to look beautiful in your new house. Maybe above your bathtub. Your new baths up. Wow. So he wears this on his face.

Around his penis. No, it's around his genitals. Because I think subsprays out of them during the show. Yeah, they're functional. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. Sure, they've been used. They've been used.

Yep. Oh, my gosh. Well, thank you, Rob. This was quite a gift. Wow. Oh, my. We might need to hang. Put it.

We have a red band over all over YouTube. Well, that was great. Wow, exciting. Thank you. What an experience. Am I the next oldest? Yes, you are. Okay.

These both for me? Yes, that one's from me. Open from Rob. Okay. Maybe because it's closest. He's youngest. And he's youngest. We honor youth here.

Yeah, we do. I like that ribbon. That's paper source too My grandmother Sponsor us We saved the shit out of that It's gonna be I got to open it for the first time

Where the tape is Oh it's already been open Okay Fleur de Mall Speaking of stocking That's what I thought stockings were Speaking a big swing What is happening?

Florida Mall is a very nice Ding Bless it What is floor d'amol? It's a it's a lingerie company, beautiful lingerie company, yeah. Oh, that's it was a red hair. It was a red hair. What is it?

Now I'm sad and. You're sad and mad? Uh-oh. Rob. Uh-oh. Rob. Rob, God's true cashmere. Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, a button down I don't have. Of any of these kinds of that aren't flannel? Ooh. It's black and it's, um. And it's beautiful. It's gorgeous. Oh my God.

Rob, did you sell your house? Are you homeless? This is really beautiful. Whoa. With the purple buttons. Yeah, the purple buttons are lovely. What do they call? The gems, their stones, their rocks.

There's something very special about the buttons on me. I think Bradhand makes the buttons. He does. Yeah. Oh, my heavens, Rob. Thank you. Oh, my goodness. Okay.

Rob next, my present? Yeah. All right, so you're going to want to open it like this. You're going to want to remove that piece and then peel it back. Oh, wow. It has a pretty, it has a face. And it was going to be a spectacular diorama. but a lot of the items made their way down to Nashville.

Oh, I see. Oh, San Francisco and Chicago. It says Levi's on the front. That's Levi Stadium. And the gold dots is front row tickets. Amazing. Thank you. I can't see anything.

The bears, the closest they get to L.A. is San Francisco. Oh, fine. And he'll be there over Christmas. And we're going to be right there. Oh, that's awesome. Calvin and I are going to road trip from Tahoe to San Francisco. Can I tell you what was going to be so cute? So I ordered bobblehead.

So I had a Chicago Bears bobblehead that was going to be in the end zone. And then a 49er's bobblehead. And then I found Elliot, who I think Rob looks so much like Elliot from E.T. Oh. With his little E.T. And that was going to be Calvin and Rob sitting on the front row of that stadium. But those are all in my porch. That's very cute.

This is amazing. Thank you very much. You're so welcome. Wow. I love it. Cute. Thank you. You did some printing.

Yeah, it was going to be really great. No, this is perfect. We get the pitcher. Thank you. You're welcome. Okay. You're the next youngest. From you.

Okay. I don't even know how to pronounce it, but your friend, Callie knows how to. Okay. So I basically bought you the entire line of Loel, Loeweveve can. Louavee Candles. What? Yes. Minus the one they didn't have in stock.

Okay. But it's a whole array. Wow. And then I got you like, I got you wig trimming things. They're in Nashville. I got you cute little mice that holders. Cute. I got you this really cool antique thing that's both a snuffer outer and a lighter.

Oh my. For the candles. So it's a one-stop candle. extravaganza for your house. My goodness, Loeweve makes the best candles. I'm such a Philistine. I text her and said, does Monica like dipteak candles?

I was like going to get you a bunch of those really nice dipteaks. And she said, and I think this is her being nice. She's like, she does. And she also like, what I'm like, got it. Definitely pick the other one. Yes, wow. She's good. She's good.

Oh, my thank you. They're very special candles. Cucumber, tomato. The beeswax was the one that was in there. That was one I was most excited about. Oh, dang. Beeswax, that's all right. Fuck beeswax.

It seems boring. Yeah, okay. I'd kill a bunch of bees to make it. Yeah. Fuck school. Fuck homework. Yeah. Fun.

Oh, I can't wait. Well, 2.30, you'll have them. Oh, my gosh. I can't wait. Okay. Now, you from me. Okay. And also yours says something.

on the back of your little card too. Okay. Did you draw this picture? I wish. But I thought of you because it's a muscular man. It's a muscular man and it appears to be a dumbbell on the bottom. And on Rob's card it was an orchestra man because Rob likes music. With the triangle. Yeah.

Ed Grimley style. Okay. Two d'acks. This gift is in honor of Friend of the Pod Brad Pitt. You know, it's funny, though, weren't we just saying the other day is like, you liked an elephant once? Like, my father likes elephant,

so every single present he ever got. You were saying it about your dad, I think. Penguin. I would know, just like this was what happens, yeah. Now, I want to counteract that narrative with, if everyone's just like, he loves God's true, I ain't complaining. Yeah.

That was for this episode. It was Zoe talking about otters for their daughter. That's right. Oh, it was? That's right. That's right. That's right. Ding, ding.

Yeah, I mean, this wrapping paper is like cloth. Yeah. Is it God's true credom here? It is. It is. So you should keep it. I'm a tiny bit worried you have it. And if you do, we'll figure it out.

I do not. You don't. I thought the red was really nice. Yeah, that's what I was scared of, too. I was like, can't get a flannel because I don't know. Which ones he has? Yeah. I thought that would look very nice on you.

I'm going to not cut woodedness because it's a very masculine lumberjack. It does. It looks lumberjack, but it's God's truth. Yeah, it's for a sissy lumberjack like me. It's for a Hollywood lumberjack. A gentleman lumberjack. You guys. You got two new gods true.

Oh my gosh. What a win, win, win. We didn't even talk about it. What if we got in the same one? What if he got you the same thing? Yeah, exactly. You're always trying to put a positive spin on everything during presents. You're like, great, I have one that I can spill on.

Oh, my God, you guys, I feel not worthy of these beautiful presents. I don't either. I definitely don't feel worthy of this penis. It's a quad. Tri penis top. It's a quad. Try penis top. Wow.

Guys, good job. I love Christmas. I love Christmas. It's so fun. I love it. But I do want to, I want to bring it down. I do. No, I want to, I want to be grateful.

We got a huge honor a couple days ago. Oh, my gosh. Yes, we got a Christmas miracle. We really did. We as a team are nominated for a Golden Globe for this very show. Who could have imagined eight years ago? And I just want to say, because if by some strike of lightning we win, this will not be in this speech. we're here for two reasons we got this for two reasons um the insane vulnerability of our guests

like that's the gift a hundred percent big deal we could be being vulnerable all day long and people like suck one suck one of the four and then equal to that is how many people listen and share and love and talk about it's the listeners yeah and you guys gave me my first number It's so nice. It's the listeners. They're with their loyal and we're so grateful and they keep us going. Yeah, I do want to share the moment because it's a very funny. While it was happening or right after it happened, I'm like, yeah, definitely I remember this for the rest of my life, which is, you know, I have this ironclad morning routine. Well, I go to bed on Sunday and I know these announcements come out at 5 a.m. I know we're on the list of 25 that are eligible. I did. did some round tables and stuff and participated in the whole thing. Yeah, we did a press conference. Did a press conference. So I know 5 a.m. tomorrow morning, this news comes out. So I wake up on Monday and I am already committed, like, we're not deviating from our routine. Like, that would, A, be

bad luck and I'm superstitious. Yes. So I do the, I make the coffee. I do the meditation. I do the journal so now a good hours gone by and and always on monday then i turn as soon as i put my journal down i then grab my phone and i go through the clips rob sent and i post whatever monday's episode is and i put my journal away and i looked at my phone in my heart like literally skipped a beat where i was like oh my god man i'm going to look at the phone and there's either going to be 40 messages text messages or zero text messages as normal in the morning. And that moment before grabbing that phone knowing it was going to be that obvious was the most specific weird feeling ever.

And more anxiety, I'm a pessimist, so more anxiety than excitement. And then I picked it up and I opened it up and I saw like right away I had like, I don't know, 15 or 20 text messages. And I immediately just cried like that. Five or six tears of, like, relief and joy in elation, and I just can't believe it. Yeah. And then I start looking at the text, and the first one is you. And I'm like, oh, my God, Monty was up at five because you were up at, what, $4.50?

Okay, yeah. So I didn't, yes, same situation. I know it's coming. I had already talked to Wondry. Shout out Wondry. Thank you. Yes. I had been talking to them, and they were like, okay, so if it has.

happens. Could you guys maybe do a little video? And we were like, and I, you know, I said, sure. And I said, you know, just, we're not going to be up at five. That was the email change. Yeah, we're not going to be up at five, but like, we'll do it in some hours. And then I said, can you text me? Not you. Wondry. It's like, can, can you just text me and let me know? And, and Alice, shout out was like, even if you don't get it. And I was like, yes, yes, it's okay. I want to know, let me know. And then I thought, like, you know what's funny?

I really was like, it doesn't matter. I don't, like, we're fine. I said to her, I was like, it's fine. We're fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, we're, we're happy with this show. Being in the first 25 was already blew my kind of mind. Exactly.

Yes. That already felt like such a validating moment. Yes. So then, so like, you know, I was like, oh, it's tomorrow. Okay. And I was talking to my parents. And I was like, oh, you know, we might be, I don't know, we're in the top 25 for a golden globe. We find out tomorrow. And they were like, what? And then so I got a little bit antsy when they did that. And I went to bed. And I was like, yeah, I'll just wake up at like normal and see. And then my body woke up at like 4.30 and was just like, oh, no. Oh, no. I guess I care more than I think. I relate so much because, and I'm not lying. There's no like ego protection. In my waking hours, I'm fine either way.

It doesn't make us, break us. It would be a lovely icing on the cake, but it's not a thing. Yeah. My subconscious feels differently. I guess so. Because for three nights leading up to that Sunday morning, I was having all these weird anxiety dreams. And so somehow that's in my subconscious. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's not in my waking existence. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it was 4.30 and I was like, oh, no. But I'm not going to look.

I'm going to try to go back to sleep and I'm not going to look. And I obviously did not sleep for that. And I just, and at one point I was like, I'm going to look. And then we had a nice text. And then, yeah, I texted you and I said. So what was your like visceral body reaction? I was very grateful for everything. It was just like, oh, my God.

How cool. to be recognized in the first of this category. It's like that's so special. Look what we made. It was more of that. Like, look what we've done. I could really like tap into that. Like, oh my God, we've done something very cool and I'm proud of it.

And I'm proud of all of us. So that was the feeling. And then I texted you and I said, let me know when you wake up. We have a video to make. And then we made one. We made one. And I'm just not, I got a, I should have called Rob first. I know how to record my screens.

It's easy. Record my screen. FaceTime you. We have a fun chit-chat. This is great. Send it to you. You text me back and like, hey, where's the audio? No audio.

Got to that voice memo, too. Oh, you got to do them both at the same time? I think that would be the move. That didn't work out. Yeah, that didn't work out. Ironically. Yeah. That's okay, Belle.

And that's okay. But it was, it was a fun day. Super fun day. Super, duper fun day. I'm going to credit you for bringing your state championship winner spirit. I think we're riding on your, yeah, yeah. I had lost my softball championship the day before. Oh, you had.

So it was not for me. You were on a, you were worried. You were like, oh, no. Well, I forgot it was even happening. Did it dig you out of your hole? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you care more about this or the softball? Be honest.

I cared more about this. I was the same gratitude. It's awful. Although I woke up at like 5.30 to the text messages. Yeah. And I told Natalie and she just grunted and put her blanket over. Oh, wow. Yeah, that's appropriate.

That's right. Yeah. Well, I also saw that and I saw the text. I was so excited. I was so excited. And then I'm like, okay, well, A, it's time for me to take the kids of school. And then also I'm going to probably tell them. Yeah.

And then I was like, all my way to do that is like, oh, I'm. I better check and see if Kristen was next. I don't want to walk down and like, hey, check me out. And then I don't say congratulations to her. And then so I was kind of nervously scrolling through. And so I was, okay, go, we're good. Yeah. So then it was down.

Kristen has one and her show has one as well. Very exciting. It'll be a real family affair at that event. Big time family affair. I'm proud of both of you. And I'm glad to be doing this with the both of you. Yeah, man. I would never in my life have gotten nominated for Golden Globe without you two.

It's just that simple. It's black and white. I know. We all came here. We did. Me and you came here. I used to watch that show and dream, dream my little heart out of walking that red carpet, being there. And I'm doing it.

Are you going to wear your leggings? Back door. Back door. No. Look, I'm the fashion. I'm stressed. God, stress. I thought you would be the most excited.

You're like, you're dying for a gal. Well, this is the gala of all fucking gala. I know. But I have to, I want to get it perfect. And I want a dress that is. You want to win best dressed? Yeah. And like the dresses go.

You want to sweep the golden globes. Best dress. I want them all. I want all. No, it's, it's political. You know, the fashion world's very political. Who will style who? And the dresses like, most of them are probably already gone to, you know, big people.

And I want to, I want to look good. And I am stressed, but I'm excited. I'm not stressed. I'm pretty confident. You're going to look great. Thank you. So big thanks to everyone. Yeah.

And Merry, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Merry, Merry, Merry, Merry, Merry, Merry, Merry, Merry, Christmas. And happy New Year. And we'll see you guys next year. Let's do some facts. Let's do some. Nice. Fantastic. Okay.

Now, what is the name of the lady whose legs got burned by the hot coffee? Oh, good. Okay, we should shout her out. Yeah. I don't, I don't think she's probably still wet. I don't either. Yeah, because it was in the 80s. It was 92.

Oh, it was 92? Yes. She suffered third degree burns. Her name is. Hopefully. Stella Liebeck. She's so likable if you watch the document. She was 79.

That's my point. She was 80, then that was 30. She died 11 years ago. She died 11 years ago. Maybe some complications from the broken heart, I think. Oh, Jesus Christ, you guys, happy holidays. She was so sweet and she didn't want any money. She just wanted her legs fixed.

God, yeah, she was 79 in her grandson's car, passenger. This story is so sad. I know. And also it was kind of pitched to us as it was like reckless. Yeah. But she had, they pulled over into a parking spot and she picked the thing up and then the, you know, the lid fell up. Yeah, yeah, and it splashed all over thighs and just... Can you imagine if you were with your grandma and your grandma's legs burnt off?

I would walk in there and pulled the person operating the car. I would walk in there and jerked it off the wall. I wouldn't have hurt a person, but I would have flipped. If my grandma Yolus had been hurt, I would have fucking ripped that whole machine out. I know. I'm like, what the fuck is wrong with you guys? Look at my grandma Yolus's thighs. She was named after Ulysses S. Grant.

She's an important woman. Okay. That's true, do you know? That's so weird. I didn't know that. Yeah. That's really, really cute. Yeah. Okay, but poor Stella was hospitalized for eight days. Yeah. It's as serious of a burns I've ever seen. And, uh... Uh-oh. Uh-oh. It's like when Cooper and Phelan are trying to. trying to talk about the elephant man, and they just can't. I know, because it's so sad.

So my man's, they said at one point one of them said, my man's bones were whatever. I know. Because severe burns to her thighs. Oh, no. Did you say genitals? Is that what you're laughing at? Okay, you saw generals and you thought of an older lady's genitals and the giggles. It's just no one talks about that part, obviously.

But that's horrible. It's part of ageism. We think that an older woman doesn't have a vagina anymore. She just becomes a Barbie. But she kind of didn't have a vagina anymore. She can't have kids, so why does she need it? Oh, God. Okay, but yeah, she sued for $20,000.

There you go. But then was awarded $2.7 million. Although this was later reduced. Why? Because of society, blaming women. This doc is so. great. I don't know where you find at Hawkewaffe, but it's all about tort reformer and what was sold to us and really what happened in the states where they adopted it, the medical costs

still went up, even outpacing some of the states that didn't do tort reform. It's all hoax. Yeah. Also, I'm just going to add, I'm on my soapbox. There are egregious cases. There's totally frivolous lawsuits. There's no question. Yes. But you have to just tolerate that that's going to happen so that you preserve the right for an individual citizen to take on the biggest companies in the world. Yeah, I agree. You can sue Google. Yeah.

That is your only defense. Like, we have this one thing left, the civil court system. And that's the only way an individual can fight back with government, corporations. So it has to be preserved and protected. And some of these damages have to be exorbitant to get them to do a policy change because they just do a cost analysis. And they go, it'd be cheaper for us to keep the policy and pay this person off. Yeah, it's got to hurt them.

Exactly, because that's normal. McDonald's, and I love it. McDonald's. They change their policy as a result of that case. Okay. Are cats smart? Well, I did are cats smarter than dogs? It is difficult to definitively say if cats or dogs are smarter as intelligence can be measured in different ways and they show different strains. Dogs have more neurons in their cerebral cortex suggesting a higher capacity for tasks and learning while cats may be more persistent in solving problems independently. Ultimately, both are intelligent in their own right.

A.I. is being very diplomatic. Yeah. They're being robbed. Dogs are often considered more intelligent due to a higher number of neurons. But as I learned in biology in college, it's more than that. It's the ratio to your mass. Right. Yeah.

So why? Because like a capuchin monkey doesn't have a bigger neocortex than say, I don't know, Resey's macaque. Maybe it does. but it's so tiny. Right, exactly. And it's super intelligent somehow because of that relationship. Yeah, because it wasn't that also like the Neanderthal?

Neanderthal has a bigger brain. Right. But they were bigger. They were heavier. Yeah. And I don't know if their neocortex was bigger. Okay. Well, this says, this says studies suggest that people with higher IQs often gravitate toward feline companions. I believe that. says, but why? Reason number one, independent minds attract independent pets. Cats don't need constant attention. They do their own thing, perfect for thinkers, creatives, and deep workers who value quiet focus. That's interesting. Yeah. Okay. Now, now... Dogs present as dumber. Yeah, they do. I know their tongues are out and they're slobbering. Oh my God. Their dicks are out often. And they're hard sometimes. Yeah. I've never seen a cat. I've never seen a cat

erection. I don't even know if they have. I don't know either. I looked up how many doodle dogs are in Los Angeles. There's no exact number. But it's a large and growing population. It has an estimated – Los Angeles County has an estimated 5.3 million dogs across roughly 3.3 million households. And doodle dogs are a popular category, though not the most popular breed overall. What is?

You'd think they'd say. Who cares? Yeah. I sure don't. Mutt. Yeah, I mean rescues, for sure. rescue who knows what they are. French bulldog.

Really? It's the most popular dog breed in L.A. based on American Kennel Club registration data. That's interesting. I don't see a lot of them. Me either. There must be house dogs. There's a top hundred list.

Merry Christmas. Of dogs? No. Best Christmas movies of all time. Oh, okay. Let's do the top 10. All right. I'll give it to you for Christmas.

10 is Gremlins. Oh, great. Nine is Miracle on 34th Street. Okay. Eight is a Christmas story. Great. Seven, National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. That's number one, but continue.

Six, Elf. Ding, ding, ding. Wow, they beat vacation. Five, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. Four, a Christmas Carol. Three, die hard. Two, home alone. That's my number one.

And one, it's a wonderful life. That's a fine list. I'm usually more... It's from IMDB. Okay. Trust a brand. I don't think Rudolph should be that high up. I'm going to say that.

It's 20 minutes and it's claymation. I love it, but you can't put that up against. The Grinch who stole Christmas is way better. In fact, it's, I'm actually, now I'm offended. Oh, boy. The original Grinch who stole Christmas should be number one. That is a perfect. I think it should be up there.

I don't, Home Loan's my number one. You can, I'm not going to fight you on that. It's great. We already watch it this season. So good. Okay. Now click. At the end of this episode,

the musicians were talking about click. We didn't know what they were talking about. I did, but continue. We did not know what they were talking about. I had no idea what was the mean. And I looked it up. In music, click, most commonly refers to as a click track. An audio metronome used to keep musicians in sync during recording or live performance.

It's a rhythmic pulse, often played through headphones that ensures a consistent tempo and can include cues for song sections like verses and choruses. Yeah, I would hate that. It would be so distracting to me. can see why some people don't like it. They don't like click. If you're just hearing your ear every time, click, click, click. Yeah, I don't like that either. I don't like click.

Although you might be able to sing along perfectly given what we learned in the last fact check. Okay, that's it. Okay, well, I love Zoe. Yes. I love Christmas time. Me too. Yeah, that's so good. Happy holiday.

Happy holidays from us and ours to you and yours. Goodbye. Everyone in between. Love you. Love you. Follow Armchair Expert on the Wondry app, Amazon music, or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to every episode of Armchair Expert early and ad free right now by joining Wondry Plus in the Wondry app or on Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry.com slash survey.

Thank you.