Artie Lange's Podcast Channel - 12 - MICHAEL KAY

Episode Date: December 19, 2019

New York Yankees Broadcaster Michael Kay joins Artie and Mike in studio. Brought to you by TheComicsGym.com. Thanks to MyBookie.ag - If you're going to wager this weekend go to http://bit.ly/MYB-Artie and use code Artie to get a 50% signup bonus. Thanks to Blue Chew. Go to BlueChew.com and get your first shipment FREE (just pay $5 shipping) when you use the promo code ARTIE. 

Hey, it's Arnie Lacks, Halfway House. We're still on the air. My co-host, Mike Boschetti. Mike, as we're recording this show, we are number five on iTunes. Yes. For comedy podcasts. The fifth podcast in the country. We'll be having barbecues with Jack Black.

I don't even know what you just said. What did you just say? You said something about Black? We'll be having barbecues with Jack Black. I don't know. What the fuck does that mean? Bob Odenkirk would be pals with us. What the fuck does that mean?

It means a lot. I think Jack likes to have the number five podcast over for a barbecue. What is that even? What is that reference? We'll be like hanging with Bob Odenkirk before we know it, things like that. All the biggies. Google Bob Odenkirk. Anyone who's not a Mr. Show fan.

No, but he was great in Breaking Bad. Why would you bring up Bob Odenkirk? I love him now. I'm a fan of his. I'm a fan of his, too, but you think because we're the number five podcast on iTunes. He's hearing about us. He knows you already way before me. Yeah, I know Odenkirk, yeah. I don think because we're the number five podcast on iTunes? He's hearing about us. He knows you already. Wait for me.

I know Odenkirk. I don't know. Nice guy. I think he's hilarious. But Jack Black and Odenkirk having barbecues is a weird coupling, I think. My friend, the great Allie Breen, funny comedian. Thank you. Fresh from California.

Yes. Allie will be with us a lot, too. Yeah, I love her. And we'll be having segments called Getting to Know Allie like we had Getting to Know Mike. But how are you, Allie? I'm good. I love this podcast having segments called Getting to Know Allie like we had Getting to Know Mike. But how are you? I'm good. I love this podcast. I'm in on the barbecues

with Bob Odenkirk. Yeah. I think you'd brighten it up. Now you just came from your friend's wedding in California. Yeah, it was

interesting. And she did something interesting. She wore black and everyone else had white. She wore black? What, black?

She wore black and everyone else wore white. And she walked down the aisle. I was going to send you this. I already accept that. I was like, you're not going to know this song because you don't listen to this music,

but she walked down the aisle to a quartet playing. You know the song, She's Sweet But A Little Bit Psycho? No. I love the sound of it, though. Yeah. That's what she walked down the aisle to. She's sweet but a lot psycho. So what is that, like a hip-hop thing or something?

No, it's like... I don't have to play for it. It's like... I don't know what it would be classified as. So it was not a conventional wedding. It was definitely not that. It's like a reality show wedding. It's like music Bjork.

Like that kind of stuff. Your references are so interesting. It's definitely not Bjork. It's like, she's sweet, but a little bit psycho. I can't say. I might know it now. I might know it. I might know what you're talking about.

But yeah, so far Mike's mentioned Jack Black, Bob Odenkirk, and Bjork. That's why we're number five in the country. Yeah, but I actually met a husband. I did a film with him. He was awesome. Who's Bjork's husband? You met Mr. Bjork? His name is Matthew Block. Wasn't he the guy from Fantasy Island met Mr. Bjork? His name is Matthew Block.

Wasn't he the guy from Fantasy Island, Mr. Bjork? I love that that's what makes someone your top reference, if you've met one of their relatives. Just at the forefront of your mind. You know, Jack Black's cousin, that's why you mentioned that. There's a reason Mike and I have our iPhones

out. We talked about this with Gilbert. Mike and I are both on them. Mike is brand new to this. We're both on this thing called Cameo, which is an amazing function, piece of technology. If you're a fan of mine or Mike's or anybody who's on Cameo, I think Charlie Sheen's on there. Like I said, Gilbert Gottfried.

Well, huge people. Yeah, I think Troy Aikman, if you're gay. You want to have a Troy Aikman on Cameo. I don't know. What do you think? Howie might be, right? I'm just going to keep talking. Howie, I don't know.

Why would he? He's got a trillion dollars. This is for people who- Yeah, make another trillion. This is for people with insane personal issues who have to whore themselves out. No, but make another trillion. Why not? Charlie Sheen has a trillion dollars, but he's paying off hookers.

So I'm a filthy drug addict and a gambler, and you're Mike Buscetti from Staten Island, so we don't have any money anymore, or not enough, so we need to do this. But it's a great service. In other words, so you go on Cameo, and I'm $150. I'm a bigger star than you are. $20.

You're $25. Price of a dinner. Well, not even price of fucking an impossible whopping now. That's like a subway pass at this point. So for $150, like if you're a fan of mine, you send the cameo. I want Artie to send me a personal video. So it's like getting a video on your text or something. And I'll get what they want me to say.

So I have one pending. I'm going to do one on the end, and then you're going to do one. Okay. I'm going to show you how to do this. So this is for Tyler. So I get this request. It says going to do one on the air, and then you're going to do one. Okay. I'm going to show you how to do this. So this is for Tyler. So I get this request. It says cameo request. All right.

My brother Tyler is the biggest Stern fan ever, and this video is for Christmas. He recently lost his job, but he's hanging in there. Maybe you can say a few words of encouragement. He's got anxiety and issues, but he's a great guy. Great guy. Love you, Artie. Can you say something? All right.

So I get that. So it's got to be like, I usually try to make it a minute to two minutes, okay? All right, so I mean, because you want people to get their money's worth. And I've done pretty well with this so far. This is from his brother and on behalf of his mom. So he sounds like a nice guy. Sometimes they want you to say crazy shit. Like, and you can decline it.

You can decline it. Like, one person wanted Mike to say the N-word, and you refused. No, someone was like, say the N-word. I bet that happens a lot. I'm like, no. What did you say, Mike? I just declined it. You could decline. Like one person wanted Mike to say the N-word and you refused. No, someone was like, say the N-word. I bet that happens a lot. I'm like, no. And what'd you say, Mike? I just declined. But we have you on tape in the old podcast saying it constantly. I would just send him that. Just get a form of tape. That's how you get into Staten Island. You have to pay

a toll and say the N-word. Oh, the N-word's required all day. And rightfully so. You said no. Because you're standing up for human rights. Yeah, I don't want to be. I'm not an idiot like that. Well, you can't decline. But, so this is a nice one. Again, he's a big Stern fan, videos for Christmas, lost his job, a few words of encouragement. All right, so I'm going to do this.

I'll do this on the air. And this is basically an extra treat for Tyler. You're going to watch me do this. A lot of it's off the top of your head. Oh, yeah. So you're going to watch me do this, and you're going to have to try to do it, okay? Tyler? No, not the Tyler. You're going to watch me do this. A lot of it's off the top of your head. So you're going to watch me do this and you're going to have to try to do it, okay? Tyler? No, not to Tyler. Yours.

You have yours pending. Oh, I did mine. No, no, no. I told you not to touch the phone. No, I did mine earlier this morning. No, there's another one. Let me see your phone. I can make a new one now. You can't make a new one. Someone has to request it. No, no. You can make a promo for one. What the fuck is your stupid passcode? No, no. You can make a new one now. You can't make a new one. Someone has to request it. No, no. You can make a promo for one.

What the fuck is your stupid pass code? You can make a promo for one. Or you can give Tyler a bonus, a bichetti bonus. No, I can make a promo for one. No, no, no. You should have one pending. Let me see that. Let me see.

No, I did it this morning. No, this is one that's pending. This is a different one. You got a new one. Is it? For everyone. Oh, okay. Okay, it's a different one. I can see. one. Is it? For everyone. Oh, okay. Okay, it's a different one.

I can see. It's going to take you hours to master the technology. I mean, if I can do this, anyone can. I can't send a fucking email. You know what? But you're a sweetheart because for $150, somebody would have said, good luck with it, buddy, and that's it.

Could you shut the fuck up and let me do my cameo? Okay, sorry. All right. All right, this is for Tyler. Then we're going to have Mike do it. All right? All right. This might suck, but hopefully it won't. All right. And, okay this is for Tyler. Then we're going to have Mike do it. All right? All right. This might suck, but hopefully it won't.

All right. And, okay, you can see yourself. Like, see, you can see you on there, right? Yeah. You see the part. You see my face. It's really the coolest technology ever. It's really fun.

And, okay, now I have to record. I'm going to go. Hey, Tyler, it's Artie Lang. What's up? On behalf of your brother and your mom, I'm here to say Merry Christmas, brother. That's right. You're not getting a message from a monster with a weird fucking cocaine nose. This is Artie Lang, and I'm here to say Merry Christmas. I hear you're a big Stern fan, so I'm going to do one of my favorite Stern characters on this cameo. By the way, if this looks weird, it looks like I have a black cock in my mouth.

That's actually a microphone. That's not a black cock. I'm not blowing Patrick Ewing. We're doing this on my podcast. So your cameo is live on my podcast. And I hope that's okay with you because if not, we could be sued. But it's an extra treat. So being a Stern fan, I'm going to do Jeff the Drunk Currow from the Stern fan

wishing you a Merry Christmas. This is Jeff the Drunk Currow from the Howard Stern Show saying, Tyler, Merry Christmas. How come no one wants to wish me Merry Christmas? I'm a nice guy. I've got one arm and a weed problem. I live in a trailer in fucking Albany, New York. How come someone can't give me a cameo? I'm on cameo.

No one's ordering me. I've made no money. Cameos cost me money. But I'm here to say, Tyler, from your brother and your mom, Merry, Merry Christmas. Happy Kwanzaa. If you know any blacks, happy Kwanzaa. Happy Hanukkah.

And Feliz Navidad if you know any Hispanics. This is Jeff the Drunk Curl from the Stern Show saying, Merry Christmas, Tyler. Also, Tyler, I hear you have anxiety. If you can't take a Xanax, I would snort a Xanax if I were you, but that's me. I snort everything. That's why I make my troubles go away. But try some yoga.

Try some yoga. Try some exercise. You'll get over the anxiety. And if you need me, I'm here for you, buddy. Just keep paying $150 and I'll keep sending this shit. Do some sit-ups. Do some exercise. Just know that Arnie Lang is rooting for you.

I know you had some trouble. You went through a program. You sound like a good guy. Listen, clearly your brother and your mom love you, and I love you, and no matter what you think, I'm rooting for you. And all of Stern Nation is rooting for you. So, Tyler, thank you for doing this.

Thank you for thinking of me. God bless you, and I'll see you again down the road, pal. This is Artie Lag saying, you little, little bitch. Merry Christmas to Tyler. Alright. Now I hit... Okay. I can see it again. So I'm happy with that. I hit upload.

Now this is the best part. I hit upload and then watch. This is just... You see your bank account going ka-ching. This is where, you see your bank account going ka-ching. This is where I'm a complete whore. And I think,

actually, I've plugged aluminum siding businesses, sheet rock, people's stupid rap albums. Anything. If you have a fucking podcast, a landscaping business,

and Gilbert Gottfried, too, if you have a roofing business. Gilbert will go, I want to say hi to Angelo's Roofing Company. If you want an annoyinging business, you'll put a goal. I want to say hi to Angelo's roofing company. If you want an annoying Jew from Brooklyn saying that, get the Gilbert Gottfried one. But so 39%, 42%.

I love this. This is my bank account going up. Ready? It should be. Well, yeah. So they take 25%. Here's the thing with Cameo. They take 25% of the $150.

So I get $112.50 for every time I do this. Do it all night long. And then I have to pay my filthy manager. We should start a Cameo. 25%. That's a lot. My manager gets 10% or 15% if I get it just for telling me about this. Then I do all the work. He told me Cameo existed.

That's the fucking business to get into. See, $150. No, he got you into the right thing now. Uploads complete. Now watch. I'm going to hit... Then you go to your earnings and banking and watch it go up. $19,132.

Yeah, but he got you in the right thing because somebody else will be booking fucking shitty piano bars. He's a good guy. I don't know what that means. So $19,100. So I basically made $20,000, almost $20,000. So I basically made 20 grand, almost 20 grand in two months. Nice. Oh, you've been on two months?

Whoa. So that's 169 cameos. And of course, 63 reviews, basically four and a half stars out of five. Well. So that's a lot of pressure, Mike. Okay. So again, this is like a fucking part-time job. And you can do it right.

I do it. It's fun. It's like an acting exercise. I usually do it on the shitter. But this was a, so that was for Tyler. Now, again, if you're a fan of somebody, that's actually kind of special, I guess. If I could have got Sam Kinison to do this. Oh, yeah.

Like, who would be your dream cameo, Allie? I don't know. Someone probably, with who's coming in, this is the wrong thing to say because it's such a Boston sports person. That's all right. Like Larry Bird. You're a Boston fan. Yeah. I'm going. Like Larry Bird. You're a Boston fan. Yeah.

I'm going basketball at least. You're from Boston. Yeah. Larry Bird. I would love Larry Bird. That would be amazing. Larry Bird's cost me a lot of money, though. I mean, he's cost me a lot of fucking money, Larry Bird.

And it pisses me off every time I think about it. Why would you bet against them? Yeah, I did. In the 80s when they were playing the Knicks. They were so good. Yeah. So I would hate to give Larry Bird more money, because I gave him money through my fucking bookie for years.

Or maybe like Bill Belichick, like make him do a game. That would be hilarious to see him have to do one of those. Yeah. If you can think about his giant rings. I would have his dice man do one. I don't know if dice is on it, but dice is a guy who would be amazing at this. Hey, jerk off. I heard you take it in the ass.

This is dice. I'm surprised he's not on. He might be on here. Oh, I heard Tyler takes it in the ass. This is Dice. I'm surprised he's not on. He might be on here. Oh, I heard Tyler takes it in the ass. Oh. Hey, you N-word. Just pitch him. He should be on here.

I'm sure Dice would say the N-word. Hey, you N-word. This is the Dice Man. For $250, I'll call anyone the N-word. Hey, you Jew fag. Oh, shit. Gilbert called someone a Jew f-word. Hey, you Jew fig. Oh, shit. Gilbert called someone a Jew fig. Wow.

That's fucking horrible. I mean, again, Gilbert's $150 too. But so that's $150 for me because I'm a way bigger star than Mike. Did they ask Gilbert too or did he just come up with that? No, no, they asked Gilbert. They asked. Gilbert will say anything. I don't think Gilbert's declined one thing.

That's amazing. But if you ask Gilbert to plug a business, he wants a piece of the business. What pisses me off, I think more of my manager, he told me this existed and then downloaded it on my fucking phone for 10 minutes and every time I do it, he just got paid. He's not even here. He just got paid. Yeah, but he...

I got to make up the stupid shit about Joe Jerkoff's landscaping business. I got to... And I look like an asshole. This is out there forever, but whatever. No, no. It's a good service. The bottom line is,

he got something great for you because it's better than some Jer off booking you a piano bar. He made a, yeah, I'll take a piano bar. Who gives a shit? I'd rather do this. 10%, maybe 15. I got to figure, I got to call my accountant. Another guy is getting paid right now.

I can't believe Cameo gets 25%. That's a lot. Well, listen, this technology. It's incredible. I mean, it really is. I mean, I'm sitting home. I wake up. I got three overnight.

I do them, you know, boom, boom, boom. Now, Mike is going to do his. Now, this is one Mike is getting. This is to promote Mike's cameo. So Mike's going to do exactly what I just did. You said this is for everyone. Everyone booked this for you, okay? The video will go on your profile.

You can say anything you want. So basically, promote you. Say, look, something like, you got to hit that pink button. Okay. When you hit that pink button, you're recording. Look into this. And then to that right there. No, just look that way.

You got to look into this. Okay. But the camera will pick you up. You hit the pink button, you're recording. And then you basically say, hey, it's Mike. If you want me to do your cameo, say stuff you're willing to say, a little bit about your background. Okay.

And then you hit stop. Okay. And then you hit stop. Okay. And then you hit, no, and then you hit upload. Okay. And then you'll get 25 bucks. Okay. All right? No problem.

All right. Now you know how to do that? Yes. Hit the pink button and then you're on. Hey, everybody, this is Mike Bocciotti from the Audiolang Show. Halfway fucking, oh, start again. I don't know. I'm sorry.

Okay, that was pretty good, though. You got three seconds into it. Okay, we're pretty good, though. You got three seconds into it. Okay, we're going to discard it. You could curse and shit. I think you can leave the mistakes probably, too. Yeah, no, you can leave mistakes. Okay.

But if you want to get a perfect take, so that was your first take. Basically, it was three seconds. Take number 39. Hit it again, and then you're gone because you get to discard.

This is the rest of the podcast. Yeah, you get to discard the video. That's what we're hoping. Hey, everybody. This is Mike Boschetti from the Audiol you can discard the video. That's what we're hoping. Hey, everybody. This is Mike Boschetti from the Audioling halfway podcast. Let's start again. I'm looking at that because she told me to look at that. It'll pick you up.

It's more important that you look at this for the people who are doing it. Okay, no problem. They're the ones paying the money. Okay. So this will be take three. All right. Discard. All right.

Hit the pink button and go. Okay. Just make sure. As long as your enormous face is going to be caught by the camera. That's all right. Discard. All right. Hit the pink button and go. Just make sure, as long as you're nice. Your enormous face is going to be caught by the camera. That's all right. I get it. Hey, everybody. This is Mike Bocciardi from the Audioline Halfway House podcast, among other things.

I am now on Cameo. If you'd like me to curse at you, birthday wishes, do any goddamn thing for the cashola, I'm here. You know how to reach me. So, hook up to my cameo. It's 20 bucks. I'll curse anybody out. Within reason. You know, and

I love you guys and thank you, America. That was fantastic. That was great. That was surprisingly good. Thanks. Alright, let's watch it over. Look at that face. My face is eight faces longer. But you look a little hoary.

It looks a little hoary. I don't give a shit. I feel like you should look a little hoary. Yeah, I love it. It's a good look. There's no way not to look hoary on this. I know. I like it, though. All right, you know what?

Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to discard that one. I want you to do another one Okay You could do it better Do it a little less hoary Alright I'll just be more me?

Yeah Just be more you Be more likable Go ahead Hi everybody This is Mike Boucher From the Audioline Halfway Podcast And I'm on Cameo right now

And if you'd like me to curse you Say any wicked shit anything good, bad, whatever birthday greetings to anybody in the family mom, grandma, anything I'm here on Cameo and it costs 20 bucks which is reasonable 25, I'm sorry the price just went up

and if you want to get me on Cameo I'm here we love you thank you we're going to do it one more time you might have gotten more hoary with that one You can be on Cameo. I'm here. We love you. Thank you. Okay, we're going to do it one more time. You might have gotten more horny with that one. Stop horning it up.

That was great, though. That was great. These were all great. I want to do one more, but say what you won't. Like, say you won't say the N-word. Okay. What else won't you say? I will not say any N-word.

Oh, I know. You've got to say it on Cameo. So just basically the same thing, but say what you won't say. All right? Good. Hey, everybody. This is Mike Bresciano from the Audit Line Halfway House podcast. Right now I'm on Cameo.

I'm just a new member, like you guys are members as well. He's a new member. And I will say, well, there are words I will not say. I will not say the N-word. I will not use religious slurs or anything else like that. Things that, you know, come out of other people's mouths. What religious slur? Would you say Jew?

No. You won't say Jew? No. I have family that's Jewish. Retard? What about retard? I will not say the word retard. Even though you guys may think I'm one, I will not fucking say it. Well, you just said it, though.

Not anymore. Actually, that's a good thing to point out. Even though you guys may think I'm one, I will not fucking say it. Well, you just said it, though. Not anymore. Actually, that's a good thing to point out. Point out you're not retarded. I'm not retarded, idiots. Pay attention to me when I fucking speak. I'm not retarded, idiots. I have a very high IQ, and you assholes don't get it. Say you're in Mensa.

I am a Mensa candidate right now. So you're not actually in Mensa. You're a candidate. Well, I did go on the test, but I just couldn't download it for some reason. So on the men's test, you couldn't download it? I can't, well. Don't you think that's a wrap on the men's? I think that's a wrap.

Thank you, guys. Come to Cameo, it's $25 and worth every minute. Absolutely, absolutely. All right. So now what you, all right, now watch this, Mike. This is the best part. So now you hit upload. Okay.

You hit upload. I'm trying to hit it. Is this an iPhone? Yeah, it sucks. It's the XR. It sucks. The upload's not where you can't get paid. Oh, no.

I think it, I'm not sure. You know what? Just keep hitting the upload. The up the top one. You got to hit the pink one that says upload. Oh, fuck. Hold on. This is like Mensa all over again.

Yeah. Kicking it in. This is what it looks like when a Mensa person tries to upload something. Hold on. Fuck. What are you doing? You're going to fuck it up. Oh, no, no.

I can't. I can't. Maybe it was too long. Let me see. I don't know how. Oh, wait a minute. Oh, fuck. Maybe it was too long. Let me see. I don't know how. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute. Look, you got a new one.

You got a new one. Oh, nice. This is a real one. Look, sorry you shit your pants at work. You have to remember when you feel. Okay, this is for John Rees. Arise. Sorry you shit your pants at work.

You have to remember when you feel the brown coming down, go to the bathroom. Get well soon. Six bathroom. Get well soon. Six beer. Get well soon. Six beer queer. That's his name. Six beer queer. I don't know about that last one. Is that one of those words? I say that all the time. I say it all the time.

Do you want the $25 or not? No, not for that. I'm not calling nobody queer on this one. You can fake it. You can say six beer queer. Just say six beer jerk off. Okay, six beer jerk off. Okay. But that doesn't rhyme. I think they want it to rhyme with beer.

Okay, you fucking. You can say queer, yeah. That's fine. The queers love you, dude. They know it's for money. They know it's for money. Okay. All right.

All right. So, okay, this is a great one. It's perfect. So you hit this. It says that for John Rhys, say the name of the guy, sorry you shit your pants, and try to, like, again, you know, liven it up a little bit. This is great.

And then we'll hit upload and you'll get the $20. Oh, thanks. Go ahead. You know, sorry. No, no, no. You got to hit the fucking record. Hey, John, I'm sorry you shit your pants at work. You have to remember, you feel the brown coming down,

go to the bathroom, give all soon, you sick beer queer. I don't know. Let's discard that one. You have to add a little of your own flair. Yes, yes. Thank you, Allie. Thank you. See, Allie's in show business. You gotta give him a little more.

That was $10. That's $25, bro. Okay, I'll give him a little more. This is hard-earned money in these hard times. Okay. Sorry you shit your pants at work. You have to remember that they want the little poem. Okay. Just end with six beer queer.

End with six beer queer. That's the money. Okay. But in between, be you. Like, do you have an experience where you shit your pants? Oh, yeah, I shit my pants a few times being drunk. Then exactly. There you go.

They know they can relate to you, so use that in it. Hit the pink one. Hey, Johnny Reese, how are you, buddy? I'm very sorry that you shit in your pants, but you're not the only one that done.

I shit my pants a couple times when I was wasted off my ass. I shit in front of my mother's house. I took a piss in the living room thinking it was the bathroom. So you're not the only guy that does this kind of nonsense. Okay, so...

You're doing... Get well soon, you six-beer queer. Mike Bocciotti, thank you, buddy. That's not fair. Wait a minute, you thought the living room was the bathroom? Yeah, I did. You could do that way better, Mike. Listen, I want you...

Here's your goal. It says on the bottom, it says on the bottom, like, how long you're going. Okay. So your goal is try to get to a minute. All right. Try to get them at least a minute. This is people's hard-earned money.

Okay. But that was great stuff. Like, sharing about you shitting your pants. Okay. All right. Go. Hey, Johnny Reese. I heard about your little incident over there about, you know, you shitting your pants. But you know what? You're not the only guy that shits their pants on this fucking planet. Go. Which is your house. My house, actually. I shit myself running from mom's house.

I had about, I could have, a couple more steps and I would have made it to the bowl. But I was fucking covered in fucking shit. It was horrible. Right. That's the only time, Johnny boy. You know what? You're not the only guy. Someone just spent $25. You're not the only guy to shit yourself.

You know what I mean? So it's okay because. But that's nice. It's happening. I'll tell you one thing. I pissed in the living room thinking it was the bathroom. That's even worse. You know what I mean? so it's okay because it's happening. I'll tell you one thing. I pissed in the living room thinking it was the bathroom. That's even worse. You know what I mean?

Really pissed. My mom was fucking annoyed as crap. But remember one thing. Get well soon, you six beer fucking queer. Nice. Nicely done. All right. That was great, dude.

That was great. So now we're going to hit. Look at that face. Who would not pay $25? Oh, that's great. So now we're going to hit that face. Who would not pay $25? Oh, that's great. You shit your pants. You almost made it to the bowl? I almost did. I was about a foot away from it.

Look, I hit upload. Oh, nice. I hit upload. Got it. Now watch, Mike. This is going to be 60%, 84%. How come yours goes faster than mine? All uploads complete. Now watch this. You hit this. You go, look at that, baby. Look at what you got now. That's $30.

Bingo. Because you did one. Yeah. Okay, so both are complete now. So you get $15 every time this happens. All right? I got to give Tom my information. Oh, wait.

Are you $20? Which are you for? Yeah. I think it's $20. Oh, that's good. It's only $20. That's perfect. I thought you That's good. It's only $20. I thought you were $25. It's only $20. Again, they get their $25.

I think you did fantastic. Thank you. So now look at that. It's horrible. A couple of times I did shit. I pissed in the living room thinking it was a bathroom. It was horrible. You see, I think the fact that there's people out there who think they're the only retards doing that,

the fact that they can relate to you. They can commiserate. My brother hit me in the back of the head with an apple. Dude, that's scumbag. Well,

there you go. You can add that next time. Nobody did it. Maybe someone will come here and say, my brother just hit me in the head with an apple. I was pissing, right?

He goes, you idiot. He fucking whipped an apple at me. Oh, when you were peeing in the living room? That's when that happened?

Oh, man. It's a good shot. In Staten Island, they have like... William Tell Tourette's. I went through childhood with my brothers. I'm glad I didn't murder them during childhood. Tell her about the awful time they put tacks around your bed. Oh, you know what happened?

My brothers, I had where we lived upstairs when we were young, right? They unscrewed my light bulb upstairs, put a whole bunch of fucking tacks in the floor. we were young, right? They unscrewed my light bulb. Very nefarious. Upstairs. Okay. Put a whole bunch of fucking tacks in the floor. Assholes, right? Oh. Listen to this, right? That's out of a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

No, listen to this. I come home. I'm screaming my ass off. Exactly. It's like Yosemite Sam. But the only thing I did, I screamed my dad's name at the top of my lungs like I had a heart attack. It's what the roadrunner.

It's what the roadrunner would do to Wile E. Coyote. I go, dang! He came running in, stepped over the fucking tacks, and beat their ass in. So you and your dad got hit with a tack. Think about what's going on. Somewhere in the world, there's a Chinese kid

inventing an iPhone, and this is going on in Mike's house. Look at the difference between Mike and Allie. Or just me, look at me and Mike, then look at Allie. How is there one God creating these? He's probably the same. There's no one more adorable than Allie. Absolutely, but he...

And then you look at us. He was laughing at us when he made us that day. He didn't stop fucking laughing when he made us. I think he was on angel dust. I don't know, he was laughing when he made us. But I'm just thinking, imagine the difference in human beings, like the difference in intelligence levels. Like somewhere in Asia, some kid is inventing

the fucking iPhone. He's making rocket fuel at three years old. He's figuring out the he's making rocket fuel. He's figuring out the technology that let us do this. Yeah. Let us do what we just did, cameo. He's inventing that. There's Elon Musk with Tesla and electric cars.

And in the Buschetti house, that's what was going on. At the same time. Someone's getting a punch as better with a pizza pie in the house. At the same time, an iPhone's getting invented in that house. My sister yells at her kids all the time because they'll shove something in an outlet. And she's like, John Quincy Adams took his son to France when he was six. I know. What are you guys doing?

How about Alexander Graham Bell invented the phone when he was six. I know. What are you guys doing? How about Alexander Graham Bell invented the phone when he was 28? Yeah. Whoa. How do you top that? I still was working a path walk at 28. How do you top that? Look who's here, our guest. Thank you so much.

My pleasure. Michael K is here. Michael, this is Ali Breen. Hi, Ali. Nice to meet you. And this is Mike Boschetti. Hi, Mike. What's up, man?

How you doing? Pleasure to meet you. And Michael K is a guy who I love. I'm a big fan of. Voice of the Yankees on the radio. I love youaten Island. How you doing? Pleasure to be here. Michael Kay is a guy who I love. I'm a big fan of. Voice of the Yankees on the radio. I love you, too. Thank you. I've heard that.

That's very sweet of you. Also, something I got to get out of the way, your uncle, the great Danny Aiello. Rest in peace, Danny. A guy who I worked with. I did an independent film with Danny in Hoboken in the 90s. And he was on my show. Just the warmest guy, the best storyteller. And are you, one of his siblings is your mom or dad?

My mom is his brother. Okay. It was his sister. Oh, okay. So it's your uncle. Yeah, my uncle. Your Uncle Danny. And it's funny, because all my friends in the world, like John Sterling's 81 years old.

The great John Sterling. And he would call him Uncle Danny. Yeah. All my friends called him Uncle Danny. Well, he's such him Uncle Danny. All my friends called him Uncle Danny. He was so good. Yeah. I had him on my old podcast and on my old show at Audience Network for DirecTV. What a storyteller.

Oh, yeah. And again, Ali's a comic. Mike's a comic. I don't know if he knows. He was the original bouncer at the first improv. I didn't know that. On 9th and 44th. Oh, yeah. When it opened up, he was the bouncer.

Wow. Like when Richard Pryor and Carla were going around. Yeah. New Bud Freeman. And there's a story behind that, too, because he was a bouncer. Because he got fired from Pryor and Carl were going around. Yeah, new Bud Freeman. And there's a story behind that too because he was a bouncer because he got fired from the Greyhound Bus Drivers Union. He was the head of the union. Right. And he called the

Wildcats straight. Sounds like a fascinating guy. So they fired him. Right. And then he had to support his family so he became a bouncer and Bud Friedman had a Broadway show softball league. Right. My uncle was a great baseball player. And he was a ringer for the... And he just, he would hit balls into the field at Central Park. Yeah, yeah. And Fried player. And he was a ringer for the league. He would hit balls into the other field

at Central Park. And Friedman goes, he's got to stay. That's hilarious. And then he became an MC and then he became an actor without an acting lesson. No kidding.

I guess Seinfeld couldn't play third. I did his comedy room in Hoboken when he had it. I love it. And he's upstairs. But Rest in Peace, I mean,

just a national treasure kind of a guy. And such a natural great actor. He could play the biggest ass in the world kind of a guy. And such a natural, great actor. He could play the biggest ass in the world and the nicest guy. 29th Street is his masterpiece to me, the movie 29th Street. You know what? I think it's so underrated.

It's such a great Christmas movie. It probably gets the most acclaim for Moonstruck and Do the Right Thing. But 29th Street, I'm not a loser. No, absolutely. And he would make terrible pizza. And his son says, Pop, you And do the right thing. But 29th Street, I'm not a loser. No, absolutely. And he would make terrible pizza. And his son says, Pop, you get better pizza in Korea. That's one of my favorite lines. So rest in peace, man.

Did they have the service already? Tomorrow. Oh, wow. Tomorrow. Where is it? It's going to be at Riverside Memorial on Lexington at 2.30. Yeah, because he's from the Upper West Side, right? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, he was living in Jersey. He didn't want a funeral, so it's just going to be a memorial service. Oh, wow. Right, right, right. That's going to be packed, I'm sure. Because he worked with Spike Lee, Woody Allen. Oh, my gosh.

He's in the Purple Rose of Cairo. It's on and on. Michael, thanks for doing this. Oh, please. Michael, when he's working on a musical about Al Capone. Yeah, you know what? Yeah, he was always doing a lot of different things. Somebody had called him three days before.

Right. And he was making plans for his next movie. What was he, like 86? He was 86. He'd been married 46 years. Wow. No, no, no, no. I take that about 64 years.

Yeah, yeah. Holy crap. Unique guy in every way. So first of all, you got a little voice problem? I had two nodules on my throat. A Yankee fan hearing that, I'm like, whoa, I don't want to hear that. Six weeks I couldn't speak. Could not speak, which was great with my five and six-year-old.

Also with what you do for a living. Yeah. And you're on the air. You are the voice of the Yankees, Alan. And then you sit in there. I watched every game because I'm a masochist. Absolutely. And I'm seeing somebody else do my job.

I know. That's scary. I used to do that after I left the Stern Show Somebody was sitting in the chair But you are like this generation's Mel Allen Well, thank you You are, dude Thank you

I want to apologize, though Why? I'm not dressed Artie-like I was at the Gary Cole press conference I had a sweatshirt already to go We were hoping you would be dressed If you look super sharp, that's a great shirt You're classing up the show.

So let's talk. So where did you grow up exactly? I grew up in the South Bronx, right around the corner from Hunts Point. That's unbelievable. So you grew up by Yankee Stadium? I grew up 10 minutes from Yankee Stadium and my only dream since I was 9 years old was to be

the Yankee announcer. She lives on the Grand Concourse. I'm right across. I'm like 5 blocks from there. Wow. Yeah. I'm told it's not a great neighborhood. No. Well, listen.

She's from Boston. It wasn't a great neighborhood. She's from Boston. She's a Red Sox fan. We'll overlook that. My family comes and they're like, enemy territory. We'll overlook that. So you're doing your dream job.

Yes. Yeah. Once I knew that I couldn't hit, I said, you know what? Next best thing is to announce. I wanted to play shortstop for the Aggies until I was about 14. I was smart enough to realize that I wanted to be a comedian. So it's a similar story. But I mean, that's that's really amazing. So where do you go? Would you go to college? I went to Fordham. OK, so everything's the Bronx. I never left the Bronx. I went to Bronx Science and I'm probably the least successful person

out of Bronx Science. There's doctors, engineers and all that. Well, that's saying a lot. And then I went to Fordham and and I was, you know, my best friend in the world was Mike Breen. Right. And we would sit in the campus center. Breen's a funny guy. Breen was always funny on Ivors. Oh, he was really funny.

He was deadpan funny. Yeah, yeah. And he would sit there and go, you know, I want to be the Nick announcer. I want to be the Yankee announcer. These two schmoes. And it just happened. It happened.

So, now, when did you first announce a professional baseball game? Yankees. I mean, the New York Yankees? Well, yeah, because when I came out of college, I had like an accent like Vinnie Barbarino. Yeah, I still do. Howard Stern always talked about that. He wanted to lose his Long Island accent. He would always tell me to just keep talking like you.

But, you know, so that was a big deal. You had to lose your New York. But nobody ever told me that. I just knew that. Because the old time guys talk like you. Right, right. But if you remember, they were all from the South. Yeah, that's right.

So they had Southern accents. Red Barber was a Southern guy. But Demond, duh, I don't know if it would work as a Yankee announcer. That's true. So I just became a writer. Yeah. I ended up covering the Yankees for the New York Post. Right.

Then I moved over to the Daily News. And I was always the rain delay guest. Okay. So John would have me as the rain delay. Yeah. Sterling. Right. So I guess it was Joe Angel who was working with him.

And they couldn't stand each other. Oh, okay. That stuff is a fan you don't know. Right. And Joe just left. He left the Yankee gig. He said, I'm done. I'm done.

One year. Because they're not liking Sterling? Yeah. They didn't like each other. They didn't have a good vibe. And then they asked me if I wanted to be considered because they remembered me. Right, right, right. And I was doing the MSG pre- and post-game.

What year was that? That was 90, it was the winter of 91 after that World Series. And so they asked, and there were like 5,000 applicants. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I ended up getting it. I got a call on Christmas. Well, I'm sure. I mean, that's like, you know.

I couldn't believe it. Well, I remember John Sterling in those days, some of the leaner Yankee teams, he always made it interesting. I remember John Sterling saying this on the radio. I'll tell you what, Jay Bird, Jay Johnston, I'll tell you what, Jay Bird,

you can trade a Jesse Barfield, but he just threw a bullet into Steve Sack. Like, there's little things like, he had the, Frank Messer had the ABC later. And, you know, everybody has their own signature thing. And again, I'm a closet sort of more sophisticated, nerdy guy.

I always wanted to be, I'm not articulate at all. I'm more, I'm a comedian. But I always, I have this closet thing in me where I want to be a really revered broadcaster. I used to. Don't know why. Well, you don't know. You've achieved that. I, I, there was, I grew up with a brick, a brick chimney right next to my house, like

a little alleyway. And I used to throw the ball up against the wall. And my mother remembers this and my neighbors, because everybody was close by. I would field the ground balls, but I would announce an entire game. I'd get up at a Johnny Bench batter up and go, here's Artie Lagg standing in, you know, like, hitting. He's a .328 hitter,.22 ding-dongs, he's driven at 140. You know, like,

that's, I really wanted to do that more than anything for a while. But, you know, so I love hearing the little idiosyncrasies that an announcer throws into a game. And your thing, again, I talk about ABC later, Sterling with the, you know, it's the Bambino! He gives everybody a nickname.

Your thing, and this is so detailed, and I loved it. You describe the team colors. Yeah. And you really paint a picture on the radio. That was on radio, yeah. Like the A's, the Kelly Green. You would say the A's are Kelly Green. You are the reason I. The Kelly Green. You would say the A's are Kelly Green. Yeah.

You are the reason I know what Kelly Green is. Well, I didn't... I feel honored. It looked green to me. Michael, did you ever meet Howard Cosell? I did meet him once. Yeah.

Yeah, but where I got... I'm going to say Michael K is the reason I know what Kelly Green is. Well, thank you. So how did that start? It was... Do it for me now.

Describe the pinstripes. The Yankees were in the home white pinstripes. The interlocking blue NY on the left chest. Number on the back, no name. Pause. Of course. Midnight blue cap with the white interlocking NY. Wow.

So I remember. Now look, when you're on the right, that paints a picture on the right. And the only reason I did that was Mel Allen was still around when I first got the gig. And I was sitting on the bench one day during batting practice, and he sat down next to me. Right. And he said, can I give you a little bit of advice? No. It's like Babe Ruth said, you want to know that hit?

Exactly. Right. And so I said, yeah. He goes, I'll never forget this. He said, two things I want to tell you. He said, when you're on TV, you're natural. Right. When I was on MSG.

Right. He said, when you're on radio, you're broadcasting. Absolutely. He said, don't broadcast. Yeah. He said, I want you to think of the one person that you know listens to every single game. And talk to them. And I said, that would be my mom.

Right. He said, talk to her, and then everybody will think you're talking to them. Absolutely. And then he said, also, never think you could be too descriptive. He said, there are a lot of blind people that listen to the games. And so I did that. And then when I, 10 years I did radio with John, I got the Yes Network gig. Uh-huh.

And so my boss, John Filippelli, said, there's one thing, though. I said, why? Because you can't describe the uniforms anymore. I said, why? He said, people could see it. Oh, wow. So you never do that on television. I don't do it on TV.

But it was born out of radio. It's so funny he said, like on the Stern Show, when comedians would come on, I would say, don't try to make the audience laugh. Try to make Howard laugh. If you can make Howard laugh, the whole audience, millions of people will say, look, he's making Howard laugh. So just play to him.

And you really got to look at that mic and try to get into that point psychologically where you're talking to one person. And it's great you picked your mom, but was that something like, did that just come about on the air one day or just that's something you planned on doing? The, the, the describing it.

You know, I just looked at the uniforms and I said, well, he said be descriptive. So I started to be really, really descriptive. That gets it. But, but it's, it's nice to hear that you're that detailed. Yeah. And you know what, you know, what was really cool is John Sterling gave me the space. Because it takes a little bit to describe the

uniform. So his first three innings were his, doing play-by-play. And he would step back and let me do it, because that became my thing that I got known for. But it's so different now about just how articulate announcers have become in a way. Like Harry Carrey was basically a drunk they put in front of a mic. Harry Carrey

said one time, I do this in my stand-up, he said one time, he goes, Sammy Sosa just lost a ball in the sun. The guys from the islands, how do you lose a ball in the sun? That's what he said. Phil Rizzuto,

you're coming out of Phil Rizzuto and Bill White. When Phil Rizzuto would make a mistake and Bill White would crack up, it is such a real moment. Right.

Like, when Rizzuto retired, the famed Yankee announcer, they had his bloopers and stuff like that. And about 20 different times, in 20 different cities, he started off the broadcast standing next to Bill White by going, hi, I'm Bill White. He called... And then Bill White would crack up. So you're coming from

a time where there was a lot of imperfection. Right. Those are my guys. I was like you. Right, right. I always said there are four male voices heard in my house. My dad, Frank Messer, Bill White, and Phil Rizzuto. Absolutely. I mean, it was such a part. But the Yankees aren't only New York, they're America.

Oh, yeah. They're America. I mean, Mickey Mantle is an Oklahoma kid. Right. Do you have a favorite Yankee of all time? Well, growing up, I loved Bobby Mercer. Right. And then to end up working with him, I said to myself, you know what?

You have pretty good taste in idols. Oh, absolutely. He was just the best. Bobby Mercer, I met him as a kid. I was good enough as a kid to get accepted into a baseball camp that he had in Fort Lauderdale during spring training. I was 13 years old, and they flew me down to Fort Lauderdale. And I have an article about it.

They actually called me Hans because I was a good fielder. And Bobby Mercer was the guy who ran the camp. It was Bobby Mercer's baseball team. Wow. And I can remember being a 13-year-old. You could tell, like, if an adult's an asshole. I can remember Bobby Mercer was just a sweet guy. Really good guy.

Like, I could just tell as a kid. I remember as a 13-year-old going, that's a nice guy. He seemed like an uncle. I used to tell him this story all the time. Because he became a broadcaster. Yeah, he became a broadcaster. He was on with me on Yes. And I said, when we were growing up, they had Bat Day.

But when you would get a bat, it would be a guy's name. Right. I had Willie Randolph. I had Reggie and Thurman Munson. Right. And I always wanted Bobby Mercer. And I used to get Tom Trash. In the early to mid-70s.

Yeah, absolutely. I'd get Horace Clark. And so I told him the story once on the air, and then there was a real bat day, but it now has the sponsor's name on it. Well, I think I realized they were giving 30,000 people in the Bronx a weapon. Yeah.

Unlimited beer and a bat at a Red Sox-Yaggy game in the South Bronx. Let's go nuts. I think it's like, you know. But he grabbed the bat that they were giving out, and he handed it to me. I get choked up even thinking about it. He wrote, you finally got one.

He signed his name. I have it in my house. He was a great guy. Yeah. You know, Munson was my guy growing up. And Bobby Mercer, Munson's a great, great friend. I mean, that story, but he was the last guy to see Munson and all that stuff. And he did the eulogy, and then he hits the home run.

Yeah, yeah. Homer and a big double down the line. And he did the eulogy, and then he hit the home run. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A home run, a big double down the line. So, I mean, the Yankees, you've also seen, okay, you've got the Yes Network, which was a business move with Steinbrenner, the first team really to do that. These guys have gone from well – if you ever watch the – look on YouTube.

Watch the 1977. I was at game six of the 1977. This is my center stage story. If I was ever on center stage, which I'm a big fan of, by the way. Thank you. Thank you. And how did that come about, center stage, by the way? Well, when John Filippelli started the network. Your interview show, it's everybody.

It's an actor. It's amazing. Yeah, yeah. And he was sitting in a diner, and they had to start the network in like three months. It's really a great show. I can't describe it. And he was sitting there in a diner with like one of those napkins that they give out. Right.

And he's writing ideas for shows. Yankeegraphy. And then he said, a sports-based Inside the Actors Studio. That's exactly what it is. What a less annoying host, by the way. I remember later with Bob Costas. Yes, that's what I thought about. That was one of my favorite interview shows ever.

Costas could interview Woody Allen or Bill Murray or Mickey Mantle. Yep. And that's what your show reminds me of. My center stage story, if I ever got on there, would be, I was at Game 6 of the 1977 World Series. I was 10 years old. My father sent away for tickets. And at the end of the game, my father threw me on the

field. And if you remember watching the video of that, the players go nuts. Right. And people getting charged, people with bats getting hit on the head by cops. And my father found me at shortstop 20 minutes later, and let me get a drink out of the dugout. We dug up grass. Reggie hits the three homers. And it's much more detailed

than that. My father was a lunatic. I would have taken him away for it. But he threw me on the field at the last down and said, I'll meet you at shortstop. And 20 minutes later, I'm 10 years old at shortstop in the South Bronx. He gave you the thrill of and said, I'll meet you at shortstop. And 20 minutes later, I'm 10 years old at shortstop in the South Bronx. He gave you the thrill of a life. Yeah, he really did. You still remember it to this day.

Honestly, he'd be arrested for that. Yes. My point is the world has changed. If you look at that, there's one point. If you look at that broadcast on YouTube, at one point, first of all, the graphics look like a high school football game. Yep. Okay, Howard Cosell doing the game. And they put, the big story that year was Reggie's contract.

Reggie's contract. Reggie Jackson's contract was for five years for a total of $2.3 million. Amazing, right? It was like 300 grand a year. And they were going nuts. I remember Cosell going, it's out of control. Where's it going? At one point, to show how out of control the salaries were,

at one point they put on the screen, during the broadcast, the salaries of all the Yankees. Okay. I'm going to let you guess. Okay. How much did Lou Piniella make in 1977? 200 grand? 80 grand.

Whoa. Wow. 80 grand. How much did Willie Randolph make? So if Lou made 80, Willie probably made 70? 60 grand. Oh, God. $60,000. Oh, God.

$60,000. Wow. They needed jobs. I mean, so this is like not, I mean, I was a kid. I mean, you'd think this was medieval times. Right. Reggie was the highest at $330,000.

Then it was Munson at $325,000. Mickey Rivers with $315,000 because he had a big contract, I think, coming out. I remember all the numbers. But Piniella, who got huge hits, clutch, hit 300, made $80,000. And now the bullpen coach actually makes that. I mean, that's probably a game.

So my point is you've seen it really go into the stratosphere. When you interview a player now, like an Aaron Judge or whoever, CeCe Zabathia, whatever, any big player nowadays compared to when you first started interviewing guys, personality-wise, do you see a major difference in them? You know what? The difference now is... It could be arrogance.

It could be even more polite because of PC stuff. I'm so much older. So when I first started, I had a lot in common with them. And I don't know if they've changed as people. I mean, they've always been the most important person in the world. People are different now. Yeah, people are different. People are different, but I mean, that's sick money.

But you're talking about guys with private jets, private jet money. Yeah, so they, I mean, I don't even think fans can identify with the person. But they can still identify with the player. Yeah, just the way they look. Aaron Judge looks like something chiseled in a Greek play. You know, Thurman Munson looks like looks like something chiseled in a Greek play. You know, Thurman Munson looks like he could be a plumber in the offseason. So, I mean, just the difference that they don't seem more arrogant to you,

they seem more polite, they seem more just boring in a way. You know, they're more distant. Yeah, exactly. It's just because they have actually separated the players from the media. Right. So the Yankees actually have a whole other clubhouse that you can't get to. And an entourage. Right. So the new stadium, they provided for that.

Yeah, absolutely, because they want the players to get ready. When I was a newspaper writer, I could sit down and talk with a guy for 40 minutes. You're covering six months of a bet and the preseason. That connection's not there. You need that. Yeah, that's hard. Because you get to know a guy for 40 minutes. You're covering six months of a and the preseason. That connection's not there. You need that. Yeah. Because you get to know a guy. I used to feel guilty already because I do a radio show too. So I'm on the air from 3 to 6.30 and I go upstairs and I say, well, I'm missing

that time in the clubhouse. Absolutely. There's nobody there. So I'd rather get paid doing the radio show. You get to know Sterling better. Absolutely. I mean, and that makes it hard because again, another sport but Cosell and Ali, like just that as an example. Right. The relationship they have. I don't think you could have that now.

So much fun to watch. I got to do a quick commercial, you know, about these, and I'll be right with you. Thanks for coming in, Mike. Oh, please. It's a big deal to me, man. I appreciate it. Arden Lang's halfway house is sponsored by MyBookie. Christmas is coming up quick.

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every single day between now and Christmas. You're going to want to take advantage of these deals. That's MyBookieAG and use code ARTIE to start winning today. Good point here. Other sports. Did you ever want to do football, basketball, and have you? I've done a basketball game for the Yes Network.

I did a net game. But it's just like no interest. I love baseball. I really do. I couldn't do hockey because I don't know hockey. Yeah, it's so different. Like, you listen to Omar Valbert do a hockey game. It's like a ballet dance.

It's like listening to a jazz musician. And he says hockey's his favorite. It's fast-moving. But there is nothing like baseball. That's why it was called the National Pass Time. Oh, yeah. Because it really passes. It's a leisure act.

There's great pauses in baseball. The pitcher checks the guy at first, steps off the mound. They try to make everything fast nowadays. And you guys have a real job. You've got to fill in time. And that's the beauty of it. So don't you think it's like a totally separate art? Like, Marv Albert doesn't do baseball.

He does everything else. It's definitely a different art. It really is. And, you know, baseball and the radio, that's the perfect combination. Yeah. That's Red Barber in the Catbird seat. And then you really have to talk and fill everything, and you describe uniforms.

And baseball on TV is a little different. The star is obviously the analyst, not the play-by-play guy, but I just think baseball and radio is perfect. Well, Vince Scully, the perfect example is Gibson's homer in 88, the way Vince Scully does it. It would have been way different on the- Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

The way Vince Scully describes that, it might be a radio call. I don't know. But the way he just lets the crowd tell you what happened. Oh, yeah. The way Vince Cully describes that, it might be a radio call. I don't know. But the way he just lets the crowd tell you what happened. He's like, you know, deep to right, she's gone. And then just. That was a TV call. Right.

Yeah, he was amazing. I mean, do you like, what is your home run call? My home run call is see ya. I know, I know. Of course I know that. And it came about when I first got the job on radio, I was dating a girl

who lived in Suffern. Right. And whenever she would leave the car... Dating a girl in the word Suffern means a lot. You know,

it goes well together. And she would get out of the car and she'd go, Sia, wouldn't want to be you. Which I think is from New Jack City. Yes.

Well, I think that was a catchphrase someone else had earlier, but I think Nino Brown stole it. Okay, okay. I think that was a catchphrase someone else had earlier, but I think Nino Brown stole it. Okay, okay. Yeah, see you, wouldn't want to be. Wouldn't want to be. So then I said, I should have a home run call.

Sure, everyone does. Right, so I said, wouldn't want to be a really, you'd want to be the guy with the home run. So I just narrowed it down to see you. Maybe you wouldn't want to be the ball that just got hit. That's right. So now, okay, another thing, you know, that is not talked about enough,

because everybody talks about it, and you go from the old Yankee Stadium that I grew up, another thing, you know, that is not talked about enough because everybody talks about it and you go from the old Yankee Stadium that I grew up watching and, you know, it's funny. Isn't it funny coming out of, I don't know if you ever go into Stan's Sports Bar, but you come out of Stan's and there's no Yankee Stadium there. Right. Back in the day, you came out of Stan's Sports Bar, you know, in my days, very drunk. I mean, Stan's was like, you know, that was part of the game.

There were shots of tequila with gnats in them. And you just drank them because it was so hot. But you came out in this imposing thing. It was not there anymore. It was a park. The players talk about it. Jeter talked about how different it was to go. For an announcer, how is the new stadium different?

You just talked about the place where the players can sort of hide from you guys. Right. How much more imposing modern technology-wise is it? Well, I love the new stadium because it's great to work in, but the old stadium was great to work in, and that's where I grew up. Right. I grew up in the upper deck,

the last row of the upper deck for $1.50 those seats were. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And now I'm announcing games just a little closer, the same angle. Right. So it's kind of neat. It really is a great American story, your story. Yeah, yeah.

Let's sell this already. Michael, I went to Yankee Stadium once. Speaking of great American stories, here's a microphone shot. This is so cool. I went to Yankee Stadium once in my life. Right. Just one time? No, but listen, right?

I'm a Mets fan. Sorry, guys. It's all right. It's all right. It's been a rough couple of decades. It's not all right with me. No, but I've seen Dave Brighetti pitch a no-hitter against Boston. You were there.

Fourth of July. Fourth of July. 83. 83, that's right. You can't go back. You were there. Fourth of July. Fourth of July, 83. That's right. You can't go back. You can't top that. You don't ruin it now. No, it's like the best, you know what I mean?

It was incredible. How many no-headers have you caught? Five, I think. Five. Now, who threw them? Cone and Wells. And Wells. The perfect games.

Jim Abbott. Wow. Dwight Gooden. Right, in 96. And there was one Andy Hawkins threw. Yeah, that's right. And they took it away because he lost the game. That's right.

Isn't that weird? And I also called the six Astros, the Pits the No-Hitter against the Yankees. Oh, okay. Wow. What happens when there's a game that's not that interesting? Does your mind just drift? Or do you stay? I tell you what, that's when you earn your living.

Absolutely. Because anybody can do a great game. I mean, because the game sells itself. And especially with Yankee fans. I tell you what, that's when you earn your living. Absolutely. Because anybody can do a great game. I mean, because the game sells itself. And especially with Yankee fans. Like, Yankee fans are so spoiled. Yeah. Like, for me, for Yankee fans, the season starts October 1st.

Like, a Yankee twin game in June. You know, the Yankees won 103 games last year. They were great. And our ratings went down on yes. Wow. Because people got bored. People. Call me in October.

The whole thing was next man up. So it was all these young guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there were no stars. Sure. Aaron Judge was on the DL for two months. Stanton the whole year. Yeah, that's right. So there was, people want stars.

And Severino went down. And Severino the whole year pretty much in pretenses. And also the 630 starts on help. That's unbelievable. It's rush hour. So, I mean, listen. Again, how the game has changed. These major superstars.

But, you know, clutch hitting is always what wins to me. That's like defensive football. Like Thurman Munson on second. Greg Nettles. Guys who were. That 78 Yankee team. There were 40 guys off the benches. Oscar Gamble.

They all hit in the clutch. Second and third with two outs. You're down by a run. They got a hit. Right. 103 games. At one point, you know, 40 games over 500. I was in rehab watching

it all summer when they would let us watch Yankee games. And the younger kids don't care about baseball. They want to watch a preseason football game. They have no attention span at all. I hate it. I'm like, sit down and watch a baseball game. They don't want to do it. But the Yanks are 40 games up. They're like, that's boring. You're just going to win anyway. How disappointing

was it this year not to win? You know what? I mean, I really thought you guys were going to win the World Series. I thought they'd win, too. Houston's tough. Houston is really tough, and now we find out they might have had an advantage. Yes. Oh, I know, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trash can. But we'll see for sure what's going to happen there. The problem with baseball now, and that's just the Yankees, everybody hits home runs and strikes out. Right. So you can shut down home run hitters with great pitching. Sure.

Astros had Garrett Cole. They had Justin Verlander. Clutch it and you're right. Pitching. It's all about pitching, man. And nobody puts the ball in play anymore. That's why DJ LeMay was so great. Yeah.

Because he just. He got a clutch home run that last game. Oh, boy, was that clutch. We were listening. We were coming back from a gig. Do you remember that? Yeah. We were coming back from a gig.

He must have gone crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I kept talking about the. I would turn the game off at a certain time. I had to turn it right back on. I would go to a classic. Oh, you're one of those guys. Yeah.

And then he hit the homer. And I'm like, that's what we need. And then, you know, it goes away. But what is going to happen with that Houston stuff? I think he's going to come down really hard on them. Yeah. The commissioner has to. Describe what happened there.

People don't mind if you steal signs. Right. That's why the spitball was on par there. If you're on second base and you can see what the catcher's throwing, you can relay that to your batter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or if you pick up the third base coach's sign. Johnny Bench says he wouldn't have hit half the home runs without Joe Morgan stealing signs.

Yeah, absolutely. I think that was really honest. That's gamesmanship. Yeah, yeah. But the Astros allegedly had a camera set up at home in center field. Technology, man. And then they had a feed on the side of the dugout, just a little bit up the runway,

where they were seeing in real time the camera was just on the catcher. Wow. So the catcher would put down a two. They'd go, it's a slider. And they would bang this garbage can in the dugout, and the batter would hear it, and he would know it was a breaking ball. Isn't it amazing? That's a combination of primitive stuff and technology.

You've got the camera catching it, but then a guy's got a bang, a garbage can. It's all about the garbage can. You'll love this. There's some rumors now that they might have had wristbands with electrical stimulus underneath. Well, look what I watched. It's a whole operation.

But two is a slider. Who is the whistleblower? Who is the guy who gave it up? It was a guy named Mike. The same guy as the Trump guy. Mike Fiers. We can tell you it's Mike Fiers. We can't tell you the other guy.

But Mike Fiers, who was there and didn't like the way he was treated, said, you know, they cheat. Mike gets fired. No, but that's what happens. Lenny Dykstra came on here and talked about bribing out. First, did you know that Lenny Dykstra story? I heard he was on. What did he say? Okay.

You might know this, but to me, this is one of the most fascinating things. Lenny Dykstra claims that in 1990, the reason he walked more than any other major leaguer in history

was because he hired a private detective to follow umpires and get dirt on them. So if a guy was a gambler, he'd say to the umpires, he's getting up, hey,

did you cover on the Redskins last night? I mean, that is like maniacal. That's like mafia type stuff. It's genius. It's genius, too. It's evil.

Yeah, absolutely. And plus, he was making two million a year at the time. 500 grand he spent on a private ice. That's a quarter of his salary. If there's anybody who would do it, it would be Lenny. Oh, my God. Yeah. Who was the craziest player you've ever dealt with?

Wow. I mean, not even in a bad way, just sort of the most eccentric guy. A guy I really like hanging out with was Daryl. Yeah. Strawberry. I mean, he was getting over his demons. And a great story, too. It's a great story.

Yeah. You would talk to him, though, and you'd still see them there. Oh, of course. Like he was fighting them. They never go away. Yeah, and I love him. I mean, he even came to my wedding. He's just the best guy.

Inspirational guy. Yeah. And how amazing is, and then Doc Gooden again is like, you know, he still got it. As long as you're not dead, you still got a shot at this, man. Right. And I just, I root for Doc Gooden so much. You know, Steve Howell once told me, because Steve had a cocaine problem. He had a cocaine problem.

And I said to him, how do you do the cocaine when you know that you're going to lose your whole career? That's addiction. And he goes, have you ever had diarrhea? I said, yeah. He goes, so if you had diarrhea and somebody said you can't go to the bathroom, you're going to go. Yeah, no, listen, man, that's addiction. That's addiction.

You go, you know, they call it a disease now. I don't know if I totally buy into the disease shit. Do you still fight it? I got 10 and a half months clean. I'm 52 years old. God bless you, but do you still feel like you want to do it? Yes, every day. Every day.

Do you think that'll ever go away? I hope it'll... It gets better every day, but a little bit. I don't know. That's why I don't want to tell young kids, you know, it's a battle, but it's a fight for your life right now. Yeah. And you look about...

I used to say that, too, before I was really in the throes of my addiction with Daryl Strawberry. I remember, you know, he fails a test or Lawrence Taylor. Like, hire a guy to chain you away from drugs

when you know a piss test is coming. But that's what they say the disease part is. You know the consequences and you do it anyway. And I'll tell you what, man. I'm not a Met fan,

but that first time I saw Darryl and Doc Gooden in that prison jumpsuit that I've been in, I cried. I cried because those are your American heroes, man. And I prayed for them. They both were Hall of Fame players. I mean, easy. First ballot. But what about the fact that both those guys are 86 Mets,

both get rings with the Yanks? I think Darryl got two with the Yanks. 96, 98, 99. And Dwight Gooden pitches a no-hitter in 96. And his father's dying in the hospital. Yeah, I mean, come on, man. Yeah, it was very dramatic. I'll tell you

how incredibly annoying Los Angeles is. So when Dwight Gooden pitches that no-hitter, I'm in L.A. I was on a show called Mad TV at the time, and it got picked up for a new season. So I go to dinner. Earlier in the night, because of the difference in time, I heard through six innings, Dwight Gooden had a no-hitter.

So I was seeing this girl at the time, and I go to meet them at dinner. And they're all at this Hollywood restaurant, West Hollywood. And it's always like 12 couples that look very L.A. And I go, does anyone know if Dwight Gooden pitched a no-hitter tonight? People didn't know who Dwight Goodham was. They didn't know what a no-hitter was.

But every single person at the table knew that the sitcom Ned and Stacey got picked up for a new season. I know. I said, I got to get out of L.A. Do you notice going around the country, besides New York, what is the most passionate baseball city? Boston, of course.

Boston's really great. That's still a baseball town. Absolutely. I don't care about the Pats, the Celtics, legendary Bruins. You put a gun to a Boston, well, here. What would you rather have win every year? It would be Red Sox. How spoiled are they?

Yeah, I mean. All they do is win. Well, only now. That was not the case when I was growing up. Yeah. Would you as a generation of kids think that this is normal? But that's why there's funny people from Boston, because of pain. They're all going to be just arrogant assholes.

I mean, think about it. If you're a Boston kid who was eight years old in 2001, the Pats got six, the Bruins got two, the Celtics won, and the Red Sox got four. I mean, it's nuts. It's amazing. It's absolutely amazing. The Red Sox turned that around.

But, well, Chicago, I'll tell you. Chicago's my favorite town other than New York and the whole world. What's your favorite stadium? You know what's beautiful? I like Baltimore. Baltimore's great. Cleveland's great. A lot of people don't get out there, and I don't make the trip that much. San Francisco. The field is unbelievable. Safeco in Seattle.

And San Francisco's gorgeous. I've been to almost every one. I love both. And also, the thing about the San Francisco, you smell garlic fries when you're there. Sounds amazing. Just answer the whole thing. It's right on the bay. It's beautiful. What about Wrigley?

Wrigley's not one of these? Wrigley's beautiful. It's hard to work, so I'm a selfish person. I love Wrigley Field, too. And again, as Yankee fans are going to hate me for this, Fenway Park's my number one. It's the greatest. As a fan, it's so small.

Something about Wrigley, the other ones are trying to be Wrigley and Fenway to me, I, like that, something about Wrigley, the other ones are trying to be Wrigley and Fenway to me. And you go to Fenway and Wrigley, that's really the home plate. That's where Babe Ruth stood. And that green monster, it's so small. When I first went there, I was 1988, me and my buddy Deej, we took the train up there. And we had tickets to a Yankee Red Sox game, September of 88.

And I walked in, I go, this is where Denton hit the homer. Like, it looks like a wiffle ball. Take it to a Yankee Red Sox game, September of 88. And I walked in, I go, this is where Denton hit the homer. Like, it looks like a wiffle ball. Yeah. You know, real quick at the end here, I want to talk about steroids. You saw, like, the whole, like, your announcing days of seed. And there's the A. Do you think A-Rod, Clemens, Bonds, they ever get in the Hall of Fame?

And should they be, in your opinion? I don't think, and I'm kind of friendly with A-Rod, I don't think anybody that failed the test should get in. Okay. But if you didn't fail, Roger never failed the test,

Bonds really never failed the test. Look at Jeter. Jeter goes through that entire time unscathed. And Mariano. Yeah, and Mariano Rivera. Is the best baseball player

you ever saw in any position Mariano Rivera? Pretty much the best athlete. Yeah, it's hard to find. I mean, come on. You know who was a great player, too? A-Rod was an unbelievable player.

Yeah, I know. When you look at what he did... I know. His numbers are otherworldly. Yeah. You're friendly with A-Rod. We've had our differences because when it all came down,

I said, you can't do this. Absolutely. As a purist, when we talk to guys, going back to that, when you talk to a guy, did you ever talk to a guy like Bobby Mercer about the steroids, what they thought about stuff like that. I mean, obviously, they couldn't understand it.

But guys that are honest, though, they don't really say it on the record. Everybody cheated throughout all time. Right. I mean, people were taking amphetamines. Of course, but this is absolutely. It's a different level of cheating. They talk about. Greg Nettles had Super Bowls in his back.

Doc Yellis with the greenies. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Could you ever speculate about stuff like that in there? No. You'd get sued. No. I mean, we all...

You look at Mark McGuire, you know what's going on. You couldn't say it. I mean, Barry Bonds put 40 pounds on his forehead in one winter. Right. I mean, yeah. And what stinks about Bonds, McGuire, Sammy Sosa, all these guys, and A-Rod, they would have been Hall of Famers anyway. Oh, yeah.

They would have been Hall of Famers anyway. That's sad. Bonds wanted to be God. Yeah. I think Bonds got— Bonds is— He looked at McGuire and Sosa and said, I'm better than them. Yeah, and 2002, when they lost to the Angels in the World Series,

anything next to him, he had that small bat, and anything next to him, he had 500 feet. Remember Buck intentionally walked him with the bases loaded? That is, I've never... Mattingly, when Mattingly was on that streak... Mattingly was one of my favorite players. Underrated, again. But when Mattingly was on that streak, I think we had nine homers

in nine straight games. That was the one time my buddy Fran said to me, we had a bet on a game, we were watching it, and he goes, you're walking with the bases loaded right now. But Bonds, was it in the World Series that happened? No, no. I think it was a regular season game. He walked him with the base loader.

And the next guy hit a screaming P to right field and they caught it to end the game. That's right. But the Mattingly year when he had those home runs, he had six grand slams. And that's the only six grand slams he ever hit in his life. I know. In one year.

Those five years. Yeah, he's a Hall of Famer in those five years. Isn't it amazing, though, that one swing at a bat, your bat goes out, and now it's like you're a different person. He was the best guy. He became a SWAT hitter. Yeah. And then, you know what? He threw it all to the wind in 95.

He said, I'm going to blow it out. I'm going to blow it. And he had a great postseason. Yep, he was great. Great postseason. I got to tell you one quick thing. Go ahead. So I'm talking with my it out, I'm going to blow it. And he had a great postseason. Yep, he was great. Great postseason. I've got to tell you one quick thing. Go ahead. So I'm talking with my son who's five years old.

And he always says, what are you doing tomorrow, Daddy? And I said, I'm doing a podcast with a guy named Artie Lyon. Let me see a picture. So I show him a picture. He goes, it's Santa. I said, what? How scary is that? He said, that's Santa.

I said, no, no. He said, Santa from Elf. That's amazing. Is that great? That's incredible. That is great and scary at the same time. When you look at that scene, I'll take the curtain back. I'm drunk while that kid's on my phone.

I'm like, what the hell? Santa smells like beef and cheese. Now, I wonder what that kid would be 21 years old like this. But that's nice. Tell him not to act like me. Okay, last question, if you can pinpoint this. Best game you ever called? Is there one? I know that's a stupid question, but as a fan, if you can pinpoint this. Best game you ever called? Is there one?

I know it's a stupid question, but as a fan, I'm curious about that. Best game I ever called? Best game you ever called? Probably game one in 1998 when Knobloch hit the three-run home run. Right. And then Tino hit the grand slam. Tino hit the grand slam against the Padres. Seven runs in the seventh inning.

Against the Padres. That was an unbelievable game. And you talk about, okay, you know where I was? I was in Nova Scotia shooting a movie, I swear to God, with Juliette Lewis. I'm in Nova Scotia. I had tickets for the game. My agent says, oh, it was like a dramatic part. I was with Juliette Lewis, who was like my co-star, and William Hurt and Shelley Duvall.

And I'm playing like this. I play the murderer in this movie, in this horror movie called The Fourth Floor. And I'm trying to get a World Series score while that game's going on. And people are watching minor league hockey in Nova Scotia. But, okay, against the Padres. You know, another great thing about that is you talk about Mattingly. How great did Tony Gwynn play? And what another sad story.

But Tony Gwynn, what, he had like 600 in that series? Yeah, it was amazing. And he had a big home run in that game that put them ahead. And you figure, wow. But that Yankee team was the best team I've ever seen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they never thought they were going to lose a game ever. 114 wins. They never thought, and if you remember, Artie,

they had a bad September. Absolutely. They should have won like 125 games in the regular season. Absolutely. That's probably the best. Because if you go with like, you know, the difference, Babe Booth never dealt with a slide, or Mickey Mantle never dealt with it,

all this other stuff. If you take everything into consideration, 98, yeah. And it's weird because Darryl was on that team, and Darryl used to tell me, he said, 86 Mets were better. I said, you're crazy. No, wow. You know what? They might have been cooler, but not better.

But you know what I told him? I said, you were the starting right fielder on the 86 Mets. He goes, yeah. I said, you can't come off the bench on 98. He's biased. Yeah. But I'll tell you what. Strawberry Warrior, that fight Wilford Benitez got into. That was one of the great baseball fights of all time. He was afraid. Everybody was afraid of Darryl. Hit Tino in the back. Yeah. But I'll tell you what. Strawberry Warrior, that fight Wilford Benitez got into.

That was one of the great baseball fights of all time. He was afraid. Everybody was afraid of Darryl. Hit Tino in the back. Yeah. I'll give you a trivia question. The first guy up after that fight, what did he do and who was he? I was at that game.

I announced it. I don't remember. Tim Raines hit a home run into the upper deck. Really? First guy back up after that fight was Tim Raines. First pitch home run. You remember also in that year, Darryl chased Clemens when he was with the Blue Jays? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Chased him up the runway? I mean, again, against steroids, I don't know, it does something to you. But when he threw the bat at Piazza, you were doing that game. Yeah, that was unbelievable. Yeah. Unbelievable. I mean, that's got to be one of the scariest things you ever saw. Because you just thought the guy was losing his mind.

He was. Who does that? He was. And then his excuse happened where I thought it was the ball. It's a piece of wood. And the great thing is

Piazza looks at him and you read his lips going, what's wrong with you? Right. And then he says he thought it was the ball. He thought it was the ball.

Well, you're not supposed to throw it at him. All he does is hold a baseball for a living. He can tell the difference between a ball and a ball.

It was so weird. Mike, listen, man. I appreciate you coming in, even with the voice and stuff. You got anything you want to plug? Center stage still going on? No, nothing to plug. Watch and listen to the angst? I just came here because I'm such a big fan.

I'm so happy things are going well. Mike, you're a good guy. I appreciate that. And rest in peace, great Danny Aiello. Thank you. That's really nice of you. Good luck at the service tomorrow. Allie, thank you, sweetie.

You want to mention anything? Yeah, I'll be with you on New Year's up in Albany. What's your social media? That's right. My social media is at Allie Breen, A-L-L-I-B-R-E-E-N. That's right. And me and Allie will be at the Egg Theater in Albany for New Year's Eve. And, Mike, what about you?

Mike, it was so great to meet you, and rest in peace, Danny. It was great fun all over. Yeah, yeah. Thank you so much. Good man. We'll see you next time on R.D. Likes Halfway Out.