Artie Lange's Podcast Channel - 18 - CRAIG GASS

Episode Date: January 10, 2020

Artie Lange and Mike Bocchetti interview stand-up comic Craig Gass!  Presented by TheComicsGym.com Thanks to MyBookie.ag - If you're going to wager this weekend go to bit.ly/MYB-Artie and use code Artie to get a 50% signup bonus. Thanks to Blue Chew. Go to BlueChew.com and get your first shipment FREE (just pay $5 shipping) when you use the promo code ARTIE

There you go. That was wimpy. It's Artie Lang's Halfway House. We're back. Mike Boschetti here. Hey, Artie. Happy New Year. Giving me the lowdown on his eating and his heart attacks situation.

Mike claims he eats healthy. I don't think he eats healthy at all. No, I do, but it can happen anyway. It's genetic. Yeah, it's genetic. That and a truckload of mayonnaise. Putting mayonnaise on Sicilian pizza. That'll do it.

One of my favorite human beings on the planet is here. A guy I've been working with on the road Thank God I reconnected with him After my incarceration I mean, you know, just legendary guy Stern fans love him Comedy fans love him We all love him

The Great Great Gas, what's up, buddy? It's good to see you, man How you doing? Yeah, we've been talking before and after the incarceration We've been talking for a while For years about life and And about similar shit that we've been talking before and after the incarceration. We've been talking for a while, for years, about life and about similar shit that we've been through. That's right.

Now, how honest are you about, you know, what you've gone through? Well, it's funny because I recognize you and I have had conversations that I used to have with people. I used to go up to comedians and musicians and go, hey, you're sober, right? And they'd go, yeah. And I'd go, so, I mean, just out of curiosity. How do you, you know, because I. How do you do it? Is that the question?

Like, how do you, you know, I'd ask. And you and I have had similar conversations over the years. But, yeah, I'm honest about it. I had a tough time. I'd go through stages of how honest and how transparent do I want to be about the fact that... Right. It's hard. It's hard to figure that, you know, it's hard to do that dance, walk that

line when you're in the public eye performing, you know, because your story could help people, but you want your privacy, too, you know? It's interesting for you because you've always put everything out there. Oh, yeah. I hid a little bit, and then sometimes I would share stories with Howard because there. Oh, yeah. I hid a little bit. And then sometimes I would share stories with Howard because I'd think, oh, this is a funny story.

And then I would be shocked that people wanted to talk to me about it in private. And I'd go, hey, man, that's kind of a private story. And they'd go, we talked about it on Howard. And I'd go, yeah, but that was just a funny story. It's different. I don't want to get into a discussion. Well, I mean, you and I did the road quite a bit. I mean, you know, you're working with me, you know, doing these gigs now.

It's so awesome. You're with me New Year's Eve this past weekend. Great fit. Yeah, no, it is. And, you know, your storytelling ability is amazing. It's almost underrated. And the combination of, you know, it's funny. Norm MacDonald once, you know, Norm was in Dr. Doolittle.

You were in Dr. Dool, and he was the voice of the dog. He was the voice of the dog, yeah. So he got to know Eddie Murphy a little bit. And you and Eddie Murphy are similar with storytelling because Norm, and this is a classic Norm thing, he just he's also like a big fan of comedy.

We were on the set of the Norm show on the Warner Brothers lot 20 years ago. And Norm said, hey, man, Eddie Murphy. They wanted him to try to call Eddie Murphy to do a cameo on the show. They made him call every famous person, which was embarrassing. So Eddie Murphy called him back. So we were on the set and we were rehearsing. And he goes, hey, man, come on in the office.

He thinks it's just me, but I'll put him on speakerphone. You can hear me talk to Eddie fucking Murphy. And I'm like, yeah, that typical Norm, like, immature thing to do. But I was like, yeah. Yeah, of course. So Eddie Murphy starts talking to Norm. They're just talking, like two comics talking. He was cool as hell.

And he started telling a story about the set of Harlem Nights and how Red Fox was in trouble with taxes and he needed a lot of money. He would try to sell him a watch. He would try to sell Eddie Murphy a watch on the set of Harlem Nights. Which is a fantastic story. But it's Eddie Murphy telling the story. So while

he's telling the story, every time he talks about Red Fox, he does a perfect Red Fox impression. He's like, yes, so he would come to me and go, come on, man, this is Elvis' watch. Elvis gave me this watch in Las Vegas. This is Elvis' watch. Give me $10,000 for it. And he goes, Elvis gave you that watch? He goes, yeah, so it's not your watch.

It's not Elvis' watch. It's your watch. What do I give a shit? He goes, come on, give me $10,000. We're trying to sell him a watch for $10,000. tell a story it's great because you know when we work together you tell the great gene simmons story and you you can tell a story and i'm kind of good at impressions i was not you went like freddie nars like i love it but it's great you're a combination of a great storyteller and a great impressionist like how People's voices get stuck in my head. Right. And then when I tell a story about somebody,

I hear the person in my head when I'm telling the story. Sometimes I don't even know that I can even do that voice until I dive in. Yeah, I mean, your impressions are pitch perfect. I mean, that's what I'm saying. It just comes to you. You just try it. You hear it.

How does that work? Sometimes if I don't think about it, I'll nail it. And a lot of it has to do with how I grew up, growing up in a deaf family, my mom, my dad. I mean, again, another part of your story that's so unique. You're mother and father, both deaf. Whole family's deaf. Whole family's deaf. Mom was born completely deaf from a birth defect.

Dad was born with all of his hearing. Lost over 75% of it when he was a kid. Oh, my God. He got into an accident, popped out his eardrums. Oh, God. Went to deaf schools, met my mom. They had my sister first. My sister's born.

My mom's genes. Completely deaf. I'm born with my dad's genes. Wow. All my hearing. Wow. So your sibling was deaf, too. So four people in the family.

Yeah. Everyone in the family was. And you end up having the irony of you have this amazing ear for impressions. I mean, that's like, you know. But it was circumstance because I couldn't learn how to talk from my family. Right. I had to learn how to talk and I watched TV and I copied all the voices. Yeah.

Absolutely. And never got an accent from the Bronx. I mean, I grew up in Mount Vernon, but nobody seems to know that Mount Vernon's right there. No, it's there. It's like Riverdale, Mount Vernon.

Yeah. And so, everyone in my neighborhood had a really thick accent. I never got the accent. Because of the deaf family? Because of the deaf family. I learned how to talk

by watching TV. You know, Mike's parents, when he was growing up, they would wish they were deaf. No, no. No, the thing is, up, wished they were dead. No, no. No, the thing is, let me ask you what impressions, too. Do you watch tapes of people, too, or it just comes?

It's usually just right there. No, it's right there. It's a gift is what it is. I backed into one that I started using every year at a place that I used to see you at all the time, which is the Super Bowl. I would run into you at the Super Bowl. Right. And I'd go down to the media center and I'll broadcast for the week and all my radio buddies who are broadcasting from there

will go, hey, on Monday or Tuesday, there's nobody in town yet. There's no big names. Right. So my radio buddies will say, can we get you to come on and pretend to be somebody famous so it sounds cool? Which is so great for the radio.

And you perfected that on Howard, you know, with Al Pacino's baby. And the only remotely sports guy I can do is Tom Arnold, who was the host of Best Damn Sports Show, period. I did that show a couple of times. So they'll say, hey, we're broadcasting live from the Super Bowl

and we're here with Tom Arnold. Tom, what's going on? Hey, guys. I'm having fun. I was actually at Super Bowl. All the big names are coming to town. I was actually at a cocaine anonymous meeting last night with Brett Favre. I probably shouldn't say this out loud. That's hilarious.

Brett's got a big coke problem. Bob Costas is his sponsor. I probably shouldn't say this out loud. Not just out loud, into a microphone. Into a microphone. With a high-rated sports show on the Super Bowl. I put together a list of sports people off the top of my head, and I connect them with

addictions and just say, and then I was at a sex addiction meeting with Bright Gumbel. They got a little tranny porn. And here's the crazy thing. Every year, people... Tranny porn? Tom Arnold fights people on Twitter every year for the Super Bowl.

Because they really think it's him. Because everybody keeps tweeting him going, dude, what the fuck? It's supposed to be anonymous. What the fuck is your problem? Yeah, that's fantastic. I love that he got shit for it. Fights back with everybody. Well, he loves to battle on there, right?

Yeah, and Tom will say, hey, did you notice that that Sam Kinison was there? That guy's been dead for 20 years, you fucking idiot. It's not me. It's a comedian. You're a fucking moron. And he fights her. It's amazing. Again, and then when you got... You know, it's funny. Something else with Norm, when Jackie first left the show, you got the Jackie

chair every Monday. I was still living in L.A. doing the Norm show, and Norm would tell me, he goes, that guy who does Sandler on the fucking Stern show. And he's such good friends with Sandler. I was like, what a compliment. And then I listened in the morning. I'm like, wow, that guy is good, man. Norm had me. He didn't know who I was.

Whoever his casting person was brought me in to read for. He had this really funny show, and I read for a gay character. And the description was, this guy's gay, but he's almost like, he looks and sounds like Artie Lang, and somehow he's a homosexual. But there's nothing flamboyant about it. Right, right, right. He's a guy's guy, and he just happens to like dudes.

That's hilarious. It was a hilarious twist. So it's based completely on me. Yeah. It was a really funny twist on this idea for this character. And I read for the character and Norm Macdonald was in the room and I did the audition and afterwards I said, hey, I

just want to say you said some really nice things about me. And it was you that told me. I said, Arnie Lang told me a story that you said some nice things, and you loved my Adam Sandler, and he goes, hey, you're the fucking guy with the... Hey, hey, hey, do your fucking...

He makes you perform. He always makes you perform. That's really cool. I remember asking him once, I said, what about you? A lot of people do an impression of you. Do you like it? Like, do you think anybody does it? He doesn't like it.

And he said, no. He goes, fucking guys always go, hey, they're all fucking retarded. Yeah, he's misinterpreting. He's one of those guys. He's not flattered by it. Well, what about that? I mean, you know, obviously, when you met Gene Simmons, is Gene Simmons really, like, in your act, you say Gene Simmons doesn't like you.

Is that true? No, he's actually fine with me. What's funny is- I met him a couple times. He seemed like he's cool. Yeah, he actually, his son comes to the comedy store all the time. Right. His son, Nick, who's a handsome kid.

He's just like his dad. Yeah. He's always got beautiful women with him. Right. And he'll show up, and he said, you showed up with your impression right when my dad started to get a sense of humor about him. He said, literally, if it was a few years earlier, my dad would have killed you. My dad would have hunted you down and killed you. And there was a story that Gary has.

Really? Gary has a story about how Howard made jokes about Kiss once on the air. Gene Simmons called up and said, you tell Howard Stern the next time I see him I'm going to punch him in the face and he wasn't fucking around and he's like I'm not joking I'm going to punch him in the face and Gary said he went okay can you just hold on one second and then he puts him on hold

and then he picks up the phone and goes okay what were you saying I know you're recording me I'm not a fucking idiot he goes I'm not going to say that again yes John was recording and you hear like a like you're calling me. I'm not a fucking idiot. He goes, I'm not going to say that again. Yes, John was recording. And you hear like a... Like you're calling the police station. Yeah, that little electronic sound.

Could you just repeat every insulting thing you just said? Every libel thing you just said. Yeah, everyone usually finds it... Like they want to talk about it and they feel uncomfortable. I remember Alec Baldwin. I worked with Alec Baldwin on the TV show Las Vegas, and he does amazing impressions. Oh, he does?

Oh, my God. Alec Baldwin. Actually, oddly enough, I think his Trump is one of the weakest. He's the most famous. He does a great De Niro. He'd come in. We worked on this TV show Las Vegas with him and James Caan. Right.

Alec Baldwin and I are partners on the show. We end up robbing the casino together. And every day, this guy, Alec Baldwin, would knock on my trailer door and go, can I hear some more of your impressions? I love your impressions. Yeah, yeah. Can I hear some more of your Al Pacino?

And I go, yeah. Hey, real quick. This is my buddy Mike. Can you do your Tony Bennett from? And it's one of those impressions where you go, what the fuck does Tony Bennett sound like? And he'll grab an empty martini glass and go. Yeah, he's not singing.

Yeah, I'll tell you what. And then he goes, wow, that's Tony Bennett. Yeah, and he goes into it. But he's got material where he'll say, I used to date Marilyn Monroe. Marilyn Monroe was a real foxy lady. I once made love to Marilyn for up to 12 hours. Until the paramedics came along and said, Tony, she's gone.

The material was so dark. Sounds almost like Vinnie Bavarino. Yeah. Can you do one of my favorites? You know who I love out of all you people. Sam Kinison? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, of course.

Dude, the Sam Kinison, my favorite Sam story. I don't know if I ever told you that Bob Costas interviewed Sam. Did we ever have that discussion? On Later with Bob Costas. Yeah, we talked about it backstage at the show once recently. I don't know about the Later one, no. Well, Bob. I used to love that show.

Me too, because everyone that sat in that chair in front of Bob, at some point in the interview would go, how did you know that? He was good, especially with the Woodstock generation. Any guy like that, he was great with it. And he had Sam Kinison as his guest on the show. And I remember thinking, what the fuck is Bob going to know? Bob Costas is going to know about Sam Kinison. They open up the show, and he goes, Sam, I used to watch you back at the comedy store,

back in the early 80s. And back then, your entire act was based on that day's obituaries. I remember thinking to myself, you know what? This guy is funny, but he's too dark, and he's never going to make it. I had no idea what he was talking about, but Sam explained the piece, and he said, oh, man. Yeah, I used to go on stage. And he explains this piece, and this is so dark.

Sam Kinison said he would go on stage at the Comedy Store in his early days of hitting up open mics, and he would bring up the obituaries from that day's paper and go— Sounds hilarious. And go, hey, guys, I want to thank you guys for coming out. I want to thank you guys for supporting stand-up comedy. My name's Sam Kinison. I'll tell you a couple people that you won't be seeing here tonight. And he'd get out the paper.

That's fantastic. And he'd start reading the name of people who just died. And he'd go, like Esther Goldberg. No, she didn't make the bus. She's not here tonight. Esther Goldberg. But apparently, if you want to see her work, she's going to be displaying it on Saturday night at Evergreen March Break. It's so

dark. But it's fantastic. Oh yeah. There was a guy who was friends Just reading the obits. It was incredible. But he didn't use the screaming voice in that. He just read it. No, and then Because with him you're always waiting for the Esther Goldberg! Yeah, there was a guy in Portland, Dwight

Slade was best friends with Bill Hicks. Like Sam was best friends with Carla Bullock. Houston guys. Yeah, all these Houston guys. They were the outlaws of comedy. And Dwight handed me an audio tape of an old Kinison set from the comedy store where he did a piece. He never releases on an album about Nostradamus where he said, you know, I'm reading this story about Nostradamus. It's a fascinating story.

Here's a guy who during his time was able to predict major world events. I feel like he's able to. I love this. He was able to predict major world wars and actually predicted the rise of Hitler and almost named the fucking guy. And if you know anything about the story. That's right. It's like he was Hitler.

He said the date and time and place was pointed to Germany. Right. And he said the great Hister will rise. Yeah, Hister. And Kinison goes, I'm reading this. And I'm fascinated. I go, wait a second. Wait a second.

What if history hasn't shown up yet? What if this is the guy that's going to make Hitler look like a pussy? Oh! Oh! Oh! See, that's another one. I thought I knew everything he did. That's another one.

He really was an underrated writer, too. Oh, yeah. You know. Yeah, he was brilliant. really was an underrated writer, too. Oh, yeah. You know. Yeah, he was brilliant. He was just a brilliantly paranoid person. I was walking in here around the corner. I saw that Tony Woods is performing at Caroline soon. Cool comedian.

And Tony Woods is a guy that I can actually point to. The first time I watched him do stand-up was the hardest I've ever laughed in my life. He went up on stage. First of all, I just moved back to New York from Seattle. I'm starting to hit the clubs out here, and my relationship with the Stern Show is growing, and I feel like maybe I should be in New York to be closer to Howard.

And so I'm hanging out at the Boston Comedy Club. The door guy was Burt Kreischer. And I remember Burt was really nice to me. Like, he would give me, he'd tip me off at the end of the night. If I wanted to bail, he'd be like, oh, dude, you don't want to leave. Dude, Tony Woods is going on stage. And I'd go, who's Tony Woods?

Dude, Tony Woods is, like, one of the funniest comedians ever. You got to watch him. And I'd go, okay, all right. So I'd go back in, and Tony was, the first time I saw him, the first thing he said, Tony and Chappelle changed my approach to stand-up. Because I used to be really loud and over the top with my energy. And they were so quiet. Absolutely.

That they made the crowd almost. Greer's like that, too. Greer's like that, too, yeah. And I found that when I came on yelling and screaming on stage in New York, audiences in New York would regularly go, shut the fuck up. Especially in those tiny spaces. In those tiny, yeah. It's like being in a closet and yelling.

And Tony and Chappelle would both be so quiet that the crowd would go, shh, and they'd like lean in to try to hear you. Right, right, right. And they would just come up behind, you couldn't even see where they were coming from. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Tony's first line I ever saw him do was he said uh he got on stage and said i love pets ma'am i do i love pets but i can't keep them because i travel a lot so when i come home my pets are usually dead. So I had to get a pet that could take care of himself. So I got a monkey.

Yeah, that monkey's cool, man. I'll come home. I'll take that monkey. I'll put him in a suit, and I'll take him out to the park, which is great. Because when you got a monkey with a suit on, white people will talk to you. And I love fucking with white people. I have a little old white lady who will be like, oh, my God, look at that monkey. Look at that cute little monkey.

And I'll be like, bitch, that's my fucking brother. And I jumped off my chair. I landed face down on the floor. And I was inhaling dirt off the floor. I've never. It's great when it comes out of nowhere like that, especially the casual. He just sneaks up on you and says the most racist. Right, right, right, right. It was beautiful.

Yeah. No, I mean, but so, but like adjusting, like how do you adjust on the road when it comes to, because people on the road, if they know you, they probably just wait for an impression. They want you to do that. Like, like dice with the poems. I opened up for dice a couple of times and they just yell out the poems. And Dice is,

you know, like yourself, a great storyteller, a great wordsmith. You know what I hear? I remember, this had to be like 2006 and I did a few gigs

with Dice and we were in New Hampshire at the Hampton Beach Casino and the fucking crowd was drunk and they kept yelling out hickory dickory dock and it was Dice just coming back

from being sort of in oblivion and he was talking about Sex and the City and I said I'd love to hear Andrew Dice's play Andrew Dice's play is the fucking take on Sex and the City so he kept going Sarah Jessica Jerkoff who told you you were sexy you know what's sexy?

Porn! I want to watch porn! And he would do the head swirling. Porn! And they're just yelling out hickory. It's like, shut the fuck up. And that's the difference. A New York crowd, at least back then,

was hip enough to just wait to hear something more subtle, you know? Do people just yell out impressions? When you get too big, I think, like that, or when we would... Yeah, like Chappelle went through that shit with the I'm Rick James bitch. Chappelle deals with that all the time. He'll walk off today. All the time.

Yeah, yeah. I ran into him in North Carolina a few weeks ago. Well, and me and you would stern stuff. Stern stuff? The first 20 minutes, when I was on the road doing Stern, the first 20 minutes of any hour was what happened that day on the show. We had a hug about it. Yeah.

And there were Stern. I remember me and Sal and Richard did his show. Oh, that was fun. I just always remember I forgot about that I said this once to Sal when I was trying to get out of the lineup that they wanted to put together. Sal said, I'll never forget you telling me if you put retards on the show, you're going to have retards in the audience. I don't remember saying that, but I understand what I was trying to say at the time. Yeah, no, of course.

It's like, it's not a comedy show. We're doing like a side show. No, it's a circus, yeah. And it's a total circus. And we did a show once in Buffalo where there was a guy in the audience who any pregnant pause that anyone had on stage would just go fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!

You had to speed through your set up right to the punchline to the next step. I did a gig in Cleveland once with Jimmy Florentine. I saw Jimmy Florentine do a half an hour set that I normally saw him do in 13 minutes. So I had to go up there. But it's funny, in Philadelphia it's so funny you just said that.

The electric factory, which Mike came up with. Okay, exactly what you just said. Here's an example of that. Okay. I'm on stage at the electric factory, and the electric factory in Philly is almost set up like the Coliseum. There's people looking down on you. Balconies.

Yeah, like you're being thrown to the lions so I was on stage there was a drunk guy holding I'll never forget this a Molson beer with his pinky like this and a girl like the big Irish red faces just drunk off their ass so after every joke I would tell

the guy would yell you fat fuck and it was getting a bigger laugh than anything I was doing. I just wanted to get a paycheck and get the fuck out of there so I just let him say it. I would say the joke, there'd be like a giggle, then he'd go, you fat fuck! I would even hold the mic up, you fat fuck! And I had to do like a half

an hour because there were a million people on the show to close. It was like a half an hour. So like 28 minutes in, I do a joke and I don't hear you fat fuck. And the audience, and I'm disappointed. I look up, it's his girlfriend there, holding the Molson next to an empty seat, and she goes, he's in the bathroom! So I said, can you do it?

Can you do it? She goes, yeah. She goes, you fat fuck! And the place went crazy. And I said, goodnight. I got the fuck out of there. That place was murderous, right? Again, if you, I remember Norm, when I used to open up for Norm, he would say, don't talk, don't talk, don't ask him how they're doing. Because then, like some comics, again, Norm's very subtle.

You got to hear the setups and shit. If you tell the crowd it's okay to interact by asking them questions. Then you lose them. They won't shut the fuck up. I did a show once with Norm that was a crazy, I forgot that, I did a show opening for Norm in Vegas at the House of Blues, and it's 1,600 seats, and it's sold out. And the emcee comes up to me and says, hey, what do you want me to say about you? And I go, oh, whatever.

Just, it's gas, you know, Greg gas. And he goes, all right, cool. Nervous. And I said, yeah, it's a good crowd, man. And he goes, it's my, you know, Greg gas. And he goes, all right, cool. Nervous. And I said, yeah, it's a good crowd, man. He goes, it's my first show. And I said, he said, it's his first show. I go, is this your first big show? And he goes, no, it's my first.

And I go, you've never done standup. And he goes, no. And I go, this was the MC. This is the MC. Did he work for radio? So what, Norm like Adam? You're close though. He worked as a bartender at the House of Blues,

and he tells me, I'm a comedy fan. I'm a bartender here at the House of Blues. It's been my dream to be a comedian. And Norm's like, Madam, and said, come on. No, Norm had nothing to do with it. This guy, this kid. Sometimes Norm would owe money. I would do the same fucking thing.

I let a drug dealer open the door. This kid is a bartender at the House of Blues, and he's always wanted to be a comedian, and they get the schedules months in advance. And when he saw Norm Macdonald was coming, he said, that was my favorite comedian of all time. And I said, I want to open up. And actually, a bunch of guys that work here at House of Blues

took the night off to come support me. And I said, and you've never even tried it. And he said, no. I said, you haven't even, the material you're doing tonight, you haven't even tried in front of another audience. And he goes, no, this is my first time. Like, did he do it in the kitchen in front of his parents? He goes out and eats his dick.

I hope. For the most. What if he destroyed? Nobody wants Norm on stage. It's like Eddie Murphy delirious or something. He goes on stage and it's silence. He clearly, he's doing these body gestures where he goes, and there's nothing there. He's expecting laughter, and it's uncomfortable.

Total silence for five minutes, which is an eternity when you're bombing in front of 1,600 people. You can see sweat coming down his pits. Oh, no. And at one point, 1,600 people completely silent. He finally stops and actually does this rookie move where he goes, well, maybe you had to be there. And a guy in the top

row of the upper balcony goes, maybe you're not funny! And the place finally explodes with the first laugh of the night. And that guy was opening the next night. That's what I talk about about stand-up comedy. It really is, like, Explodes! Yeah. Thank God for that guy. First laugh of the night. And that guy was opening the next night. Yeah.

No, but that's what I talk about about stand-up comedy. It really is, like, people will watch it. The fact, comics still are, I think, get the least amount of respect in show business because the fact that that guy even thought he could do it. Oh, yeah. He sees stand-up and he goes, I could do that. And a good stand-up will make it seem like it's easy, like it's natural. Like, I could do that. I agree.

And, again, you know, any type of comedy, even talking on the radio, like David Lee Roth, Infinity Broadcasting, their business is radio, thought David Lee Roth could be Howard Stern. Whoa. And they gave him the job. I mean, Howard would never, you know, tour as the lead singer of Van Halen, right? Yeah, exactly. He would never try to be Pacino in a remake of The Godfather.

Just put fame on something to do with it. That's it. I think it's a testament to how good people can be at it. You think, oh, I can do that. They make it look so easy. I mean, again, and you know this, too, from sitting in that chair, the way Howard, how easy Howard made radio. I mean, he changed it.

But, you know, you know this. You'd go on the air, and you're like, there's millions of people listening. And he's just, like, eating his breakfast. He wouldn't even talk. And he just, like, he goes, you know, you know this, you'd go on the air and you're like, there's millions of people listening. And he's just like eating his breakfast. We don't even talk. And he just, he goes, he puts the mic on like what he burps. And he just goes into some brilliant story about his parents at a barbecue. And then you just roll with it. And then it's because, you know, podcasts nowadays, everything's an hour, the attention

span and stuff. I mean, I mean, those were five hour epic laugh fest. Yeah. I remember that first time you reminding reminding me that I walked up. I was really nervous. That's the most nervous I've ever been. I walked. It was March 15th.

I still remember the day, March 15th. I still remember walking up 6th Avenue from my hotel to the old K-Rock Studios. Dude, I have a similar story. I remember every foot. It's 4.30 in the morning as I'm walking up 6th Avenue, and I see a bunch of guys my age walking the other direction with like a.40 of some beer, and they're hammered, and they're laughing, and I'm like, I should be hanging out with these guys. Well, no, especially when you're comics. You're up all night. You're going from nocturnal to this.

Yeah, and I'm— Did you stay up all night? No, I— Because the first couple times I stayed up all night, I couldn't sleep. I got my sleep in, and I got up, and I went to the studio, and I got there at 5 a.m. I think Gary was the only one there at 5, and then I saw Fred start to roll, and I saw all recognizable faces, and it was— Freddie would get there about 5.30, yeah. 5.55, I'm in the studio, Howard's still not here, and they start playing Rob Zombie, the opening of the music.

Deep, deep down. And then Howard comes walking in with Ronnie behind him. And he's got a bunch of stuff. He puts it down. Gary's talking. I'm trying to give him a quick, okay, so Pam Anderson is going to be calling in. Your guy was my favorite impression. And Howard's going, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he goes, oh, and Craig's here. Craig Gass is here. And he goes, oh, Craig, so, you know, your mic's on. And that was it. That was my only advice, your mic's on. And that was it. That was my only advice. Your mic is on. Your mic is on. Well, that's, I mean, again, he's like, he just, what he changed with radio was, again,

I would come in and I'd say, and I was a big fan of that show. May 7th, 2001 was my first day on that show. Yeah. And so I remember, and I did the same thing. I, I, I was still living in LA, but I came back, uh, you know, after the, the, and I was waiting to see if the sitcom was going to get picked up. I didn the same thing. I was still living in L.A., but I came back, you know, after the— and I was waiting to see if the sitcom was going to get picked up. I didn't know yet. And if the Norm show had gotten picked up for a third season,

my life would have been very different because I would have had to go back to L.A. I went out of town. Oh, wow. But, you know, I got there 4.30 in the morning. I was walking around 6th Avenue, and Rob and Quivers, they knew me before because I had come in with Norm a few times. Right. Was that your first time ever on the show? See, I had been a guest, so it was a little easier.

I started calling in in 1995. I used to do this piece called Sam Kinison Calling Live From Hell. They must have loved that. Oh, I remember that. Yeah, I remember that. Sure, yeah. Where every time someone that we could all agree was an asshole, like any, just someone we were like, alright, nobody really liked that guy.

When an asshole would die, I'd be the only guy in America. I would get pen to paper and start writing. Like when Jeffrey Dahmer was beat to death, I was on the air the next morning as Sam Kinison calling in live from the gates of hell. No, and hey guys, Jeffrey Dahmer's already down here now.

He's got his own cooking show on a public access show. And he's looking at my ass like, it's a T-bone! Oh! Oh! Yeah, and it was just really... I love the premise that Sam's in hell. Yeah, and I started doing all these different characters on the show.

Well, I started writing because Jackie used to write my material. And Jackie, who's a funny comedian, Jackie would write sticky punchlines for Sam Kinison. And it sounded like every one of his lines. So on the phone, so you would get, they would send you material to call in with. Yep. Jackie would write the material. Right.

And Jackie would send me the script. And they sounded like Jackie Martling jokes coming out of Sam's mouth. Wow. And I remember after doing that for a couple years, I asked Gary, hey, would you mind if I wrote something? Because I think I feel like Sam would speak in a different language. Absolutely.

And he said, yeah, well, just send something. We'll take a look at it. And I sent it to him, and he said... It goes right to Gary. And he goes, I talked to Howard, and it's fucking funny, man. It is great. We've got to give Gary props.

It is great because the first time after I sat in, I was worried about how it went. I felt it went good. And Gary said to me, for us, this is a home run coming next week too. And, you know, it was nice getting affirmation from Gary too. He was helpful in that. He was good to comics. Yeah, there was a few guys in there that were always really nice to me. And it's weird because— So in other other words my question was your first time in the

studio when he said your mic is on that you you were never in the studio i've never been in the studio i was always calling in see i've done it with norm four times in studio so that helped cushion it a little bit that your mic is on bro that's that's a little yeah yeah i was starting you were never do by the way you were never not funny on that show you were never, dude, by the way, you were never not funny on that show. You were never not funny. You know, it's crazy. I just, I wasn't as good of a fit as you were. You were such a fan of the show, and you also represented the fans more than I did. I was a little overwhelmed because I was really intimidated by Howard's fame. Me too.

Sure, me too. It took me a while to get over that. I don't know if I ever did. And I do remember a couple moments where I felt like I was comfortable enough to talk to him and I would call him and say, hey, I got an idea for something and I wouldn't hear back. And then I'd see him in the studio on Monday and I'd go, hey, I tried to call you about that idea. Did you

get my message? And he said, yeah, I called you back, but I got your voicemail and I don't know who listens to your voicemails. He goes, I didn't leave a message. He's real super insecure. And I said, who? I go, I listen to my voicemail. I go, I don't. No message. He's real super insecure. And I said, I go, I listen to my voicemail. I go, I go, I don't.

No, but I'm sure he goes through like, you know, you know, I got to admit, the first couple of times he called me, I let a couple of my buddies hear the voicemail. Oh,

dude, there were, George Carlin left me messages and I played every, like I saved every, back when they were answer machine tapes, I saved all my answer machine tapes from George Carlin.

Carlin called me once. What a great guy he was. Oh my god, George was the nicest, sweetest, most accessible, shockingly accessible guy. I did the Great Kilborn show to promote this movie, The Bachelor, that I did

back in like 99. And Zoe Friedman, who I love, was the booker. And I say to my manager Peter Prince upon the time well who's the first guest I was second he goes George Carlin I started laughing I go are you okay he's he's saying the name of the best comedian ever to make me live like you want I want it to be you know that whatever you know Ariana Grande if you following a lame actress who's boring that's the best talk shows shows. So I go, excuse me?

I go, George Carlin. I go, what the fuck are you talking about? George Carlin. I said, how am I going to follow George Carlin? So he goes out, he kills. And when you do one of those talk shows, you know, like there's a no man's land where there's no agents and there's no like stage manager. There's just you like where the guest is for two seconds. You're all by your lonesome and yet yet you're with your thoughts, and you're

intimidated. So when Carlin was leaving the stage, like a standing ovation, he sees me walking, and he had asked Zoe, this other guy's a comedian, right? And he goes, yeah. So Carlin just knew how insecure I was about it. He knew he could see I was going through it. He goes, come here.

He goes, you're going to do great, pal. You know, you're going to do great. Don't worry about this. Don't be intimidated. Gives me his phone number. Had his phone number waiting, waiting because he thought it would make me feel better. So I said, I can't fucking believe this. I couldn't believe how nice he was.

He goes, you want to talk about jokes, material, go kill, kick some ass out there and, you know, call me. So I go out there and i i you know what i said the first thing i said got me out of the woods i said this is great greg it's always great to follow the best comedian ever and that got a laugh and that loosened up and i did okay and it's a perfect line yeah yeah but i i did okay but but i you know as good as i could have and i called carlin about a later, and he called me back. And, I mean, we talked about jokes, you know, material and stuff like that. I never bugged him again.

But he left answering machines on your – messages on your internet? Yeah, I remember when I moved out here, I moved in with Mitch Hedberg. I saved all those Sheddies. Oh, no. I moved to New York. I moved in with Mitch. Wow, really? Yeah, Mitch was my first roommate in New York. I moved in with Mitch. Wow, really? Yeah, Mitch was my first roommate in New York.

April of 1998 is when I moved to Mitch's place. And then shortly after that, Mitch signed a deal. He was on the road, and he's coming back to town soon. And the day that he gets back is the night that Rob Zombie is going to do a concert at the Hammerstein with Monster Magnet opening up. And I said, dude, if you want, I can hook us up and get us in the show. And he goes, yeah, as soon as I get back into town, I will meet you there.

And I said, all right, cool. So we made plans to meet there. Now, I don't know how I came across it, but somebody said, did you hear about your roommate, Mitch? And I said, no, what happened? And they said, he signed, he just made like a big million dollar deal. It's all over the internet. And I'm talking to Mitch every day and he doesn't mention this and we meet at at uh outside the concert there's a he never thought he could do it he

never thought he could do a sitcom like he never he said which is what he told me later but he had a joke about it the initial conversation was uh I go so I haven't seen him since the news broke. And I go, so how you been, Mitch? And he goes, I've been great. I go, I heard. I go, I heard that you just signed a deal with whatever the network was. And he goes, yeah, man, that's true. And I go, I'm living with this guy. And I go. Your roommate doesn't tell you.

And I go, I also read that the deal was worth three quarters of a million dollars. And he goes, yeah, man, can you believe they print that shit? And I go, that's true? And he goes, yeah. And then he explains to me, he's like, it doesn't mean anything. It just means that I'm going to be guaranteed money. Doesn't mean I'm going to be on TV. Of course not. I had five network

deals. I shot a pilot that was awful, but I got a bunch of money for it. I got a bunch of money for all of them. And to me, the perspective was like, who gives a shit if you don't end up on TV? Because now you can do the road doing stand-up and you got all this money coming in and it's sort of an underwriter stand-up career. Yeah, you don't have to get a job at Whole Foods while you're

doing gigs. Now you're set and all you gotta do is just worry about writing material. That's amazing. And he was stressed about, I don't know what's gonna happen. I remember he would come home. But the joke he had, remember the joke he had about that? He was like, he goes, I don't understand why they think

if you can do stand-up, you can act in a sitcom. Oh, that's right. That's like saying to someone who sells eggs at a supermarket, can you farm? Yeah. That's right.

Something like that. I fucked it up. When I first got to Manhattan, I remember riding around with him while he was doing sets. And then I had one little shitty set for myself at the end of the night at like two o'clock in the morning and he went to that

sad little set that I did. But we went to Stand Up New York and Mitch did a joke that I've seen him do a million times and it kills! And he added a tag at the end of it that was so funny. The joke was, um, I was at a sports bar and this

guy came up to me and said, hey man, what's the score? I said, man, I don't know. What's the game? So he pushed me, and I pushed him back, and I ran. He chased me down the street. He turned me around. He had a goatee, a nose ring, an earring, a bandana, and a backwards baseball cap.

He said, man, you got a lot of nerve. ring, a bandana, and a backwards baseball cap. He said, man, you got a lot of nerve. I said, man, you got a lot of cranial accessories. And the joke that night

is this massive response. And he goes, ha ha, you guys are a smart crowd. And he goes, last night, I was in front of a smart crowd. I love it. And he goes, last night I was in front of a stupid crowd. And in front of the stupid crowd I had to say, man, you got a lot of shit on your face. And I got a bigger lip.

Mitch used to do this great thing. He was like a little kid that I loved watching him do. And I saw him do it live a couple times. He might have done it on Letterman once. When he would start and he was bombing and the audience didn't saw him do it live a couple times, but I still, he might have done it on Letterman once. When he would start and he was bombing and the audience

didn't like him at first, which happened every once in a while, the first joke that hit, he would go, yeah! Like, he would go, yeah!

Like, it was so genuine. I remember back in the day when I used to open for him in Seattle when stuff didn't hit, he would get a pop by saying, I sure am glad

that the president of Hollywood isn't here tonight. In Seattle. Yeah, in Seattle. But I used to open up for him back then in Seattle, and man, he was just amazing. He was just, and he was such a kind and generous person. Like a generous, kind, old hippie or something, which is exactly what he was.

And it's funny because people love you. People really, really have been concerned about you for a long time. I have people come to me who are clearly junkies going, how is Artie? How about yourself? Take care of yourself, man.

And it's a shame that Mitch, who was this incredible. You know, y'all, let me do this read because I got to do a commercial real quick. But I have a point about this, what you're about to say. Because it's a fascinating situation. Ladies and gentlemen, here with the live read from hell. It's Artie Lang. Yeah, well, it's Artie Lang's Hairy House brought to you by Blue Chew.

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Oh, oh! Okay. Back to what we were talking about. I know, listen. Okay. Mitch Hedberg, a guy, addiction is, especially on the level you know, I dealt with it. I don't know how dark it got with you,

but my situation was dire. I mean, literally, I got to the point where I said, they're going to find me dead in a hotel room. So, you know, something's got to... I don't know. where I said, I'm going to, they're going to find me dead in a hotel room. So, you know, something's, I don't know. I don't know. I was, even I, I always thought I could live through anything. I thought I was Superman, which would end up killing my old man the way he lived.

But I just thought nothing can kill me. But the last few years, man, I'm like, this is, this is going bad, brother. And Mitch was, you know, intense with it. And heroin, especially if you're shooting it, forget about it. But how amazing would it be? One of the things I feel so robbed about is, and I don't want to sound preachy or anything like that. How great would it be to see Mitch Hedberg get up with like 10 years clean at an NA meeting and just say, I'm Mitch Hedberg and I'm a drug addict. And here's how I got. You know what I mean?

Because God, I would love to have seen that. Yeah, I always tell people that Mitch was one of the most well-put-together people I've ever met in my life. He was really kind. He was really selfless. I crossed a line with him when I said, do you mind if I stay at your place? Because I didn't know anybody else in New York, but he was such a nice guy. He said, you can stay as long as you want place? Because I didn't know anybody else in New York, but he was such a nice guy. He said, you can stay as long as you want. Right.

I wasn't that tight with him. I would open for him every time he came to Seattle, but he was nice enough that he said, yeah, stay as long as you want. And then I got on my feet and I moved out. And he had one flaw, and his one flaw killed him. Sure. And every time I go to Minnesota. It's a big flaw, though. I mean, it's a weakness.

Yeah, you know. Every time I go to Minnesota and do shows, I would call his parents and ask his parents to come hang out. He comes from a really, really nice, classy Midwestern family, you know. I mean, again, it's just, but he, you know, we all want to be a rock star. It's like comedy has become a little bit like rock and roll. Oh, yeah. But we all just wanted to be rock stars, you know i mean mitch was like that mitch loved decadence love decadence he loved all the same rock bands we like and love the decadence of it and he loved

living in excess and uh and he got caught in a place it's weird i i had a heart attack and uh before i had the heart attack i can remember a couple nights where I'd be doing coke, and I'd go, holy shit. Oh, my God, I can't. And then I would just wait it out, and then I would do another big line. I was at a point where I'm dating women that I am being completely honest with. I'm beyond trying to pretend that I'm not a drug addict. I'd be dating women who were drug addicts like me and I'd go, man, this is fucked up what we're doing right now. Absolutely.

And the girl would say, you know what? This is fucked up. We're fucked up. And I'd say, we need help. And they'd go, we do need help. And we just kept going. But not now. But not now.

Not now. I would say that all the time. It was crazy. I was in an after hours club with a buddy of mine in the early 90s in New York. We were doing coke off a toilet bowl. Not the rim, but like on the back. Yeah. You know, a public toilet bowl.

And he looked at me and he said, so we admit we have a problem. And I'm like, yeah, let's not cut the lines. But, you know, again, another guy that I'm so glad is still alive because there's a guy who's a friend of mine who, you know, I got to know is Steve O. Oh, my God. And I talk about a miracle. You know, got to know. He's Steve-O. Oh, my God. Talk about a miracle. You know, it's funny. You talk about doing cocaine, and Steve was into stimulants and stuff like that.

I can remember being backstage at something called the Guy's Choice Awards, the first one ever, 2006. I remember you talking about that. They hired me, Rogan, and Attell to do stand-up, and all three of us bombed. I said, if all three of us bomb, something's wrong with you guys. Yeah, oh, yeah. But no one was listening and it was like a banquet table thing. But, you know, the Jackass guys got an award and Steve

was still using it, as was I. And I was on blow and we were backstage talking and he was like, I remember, I almost said to myself, I wanted to hug him and go, let's both go to the hospital right now. I remember saying, let's both, because I didn't think Steve was going to get out of his addiction. And? Let's both go to, I remember saying, let's both go, because we're, you know, I don't, I didn't think Steve was going to get out

of his addiction. Wow. And it's such a testament to him that he did it. God bless him. He's an inspiration. He inspired me. He really did.

But you talk about the heart thing. I always said that that night, you know how in Bugs Bunny, when Bugs Bunny would see a hot bunny chick and his heart would come out? Yeah. I swear I saw Steve-O's heart

coming out like this. Really? From whatever, all the amphetamines, blow, whatever the fuck he was doing. And, you know, then I'm saying, last time I saw Mitch, we were both on heroin. I remember. And it was at the Stern Show. Well, then I saw him at Caroline's.

I said I had him real quick at Caroline's. It was so sad to see. Was that his last time at Caroline's? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because his last time at Caroline's was a couple days before he died. Yeah. In March. I saw him. He did Stern to promote that two weeks a couple days before he died. Yeah. In March. I saw him.

He did start to promote that two weeks before that. And I saw him in the green room. And I was on dope. He was on dope. And he had sunglasses on. I remember that appearance. His teeth looked fucked up. Yeah. Skin looked fucked up.

And I walked in there one morning after the Caroline's thing. Like you say, a few days later, and Gary pulled me aside and said, I'm in jail for that. And he told me right before we went on the air. Well, you know. I called him that morning. I called him the show that morning, because I was still awake on the West Coast getting news. That's already fucking, what, 15

years ago? I've been sober for 15 years. Yeah. He died in 05. He died in April of 05. And the first year that I was clean, the first calendar year, seven of my friends died. All comedians. Seven comedian friends of mine died. Four drug overdoses,

three drinking and driving car accidents. Holy shit. Mitch was the first one to go. It's crazy. Once you get that out of your system and you start walking down that path, you start to realize and it takes time. There's a lot of layers you got to peel back to realize why you're.

First, you've got to get over the physical addiction. You've got to get over the physical addiction. Then there's the psychological thing. And there's this weird thing where you become, you're still finding romance in living like that. Sure. When I was getting fucked up. That's part of the addiction.

Yeah. You're not living like everybody else. You've got to live like a rock star, like that. Sure. When I was getting fucked up. That's part of the addiction. Yeah. You're not living like everybody else. You got to live like a rock star, like we were saying. My favorite movie to sit down alone and watch and get fucked up to was The Doors movie because it was such a glorious movie

about drugs and sex. And it was just, it just made everything look so fucking cool. I got fucking so high so many times watching that thing alone. And then I was sober. I'm clean for like seven, eight years. I'm in like Oklahoma or Kansas or somewhere.

I get in my hotel and I'm flipping through the channels and The Doors is on. This movie that I love. I love Jim. I actually, I was so out of my mind during that time in my life. There's a scene in the movie where he gets naked with this girl. They start dancing around and they cut each other's wrists

and they drink each other's blood. I was actually at a point in my life where I was like, God, I want to drink somebody's blood. That's how fucked up I was. You know, it's funny. I was in Paris, France

and I got arrested in Paris, France. That's right. I got arrested there for public drunkenness. My fiancee, who, you know, the love of my life,

I screwed that up and I get arrested there for taking a swing at. My fiancé, who, you know, the love of my life, I screwed that up, and I get arrested there for taking a swing at a cop drunk, and I spent the night in Paris, and my fiancé wouldn't talk to me. And I was actually there with a guy who was trying to get— my AA sponsor at the time came with me to Paris to try to keep me good, and he stayed away that night because I said, we'll be fine. And I got drunk and out of my mind, and the next day, to kill time, I said, let's go to Jim Morrison's grave with my sponsor, and we went. And I saw it in Paris, France, And I'm saying to myself, you know, look, this is,

this, I mean, people leave needles and beer and stuff. And I saw, and you know, you want to talk about addiction. I was at Belushi's grave in Martha's Vineyard once. And I was with this girl and I left a half an eight ball of blow on his, on his tombstone at four o'clock in the afternoon. At four o'clock in the morning, I went back and got it. Of course. I said to the girl, is it raining out? We ran out of coke.

I said, is it raining out? She goes, no. I go, let's go back. And it was eerie. I went into the graveyard. I took the coke. Running to the cemetery. It was still on the fucking tombstone.

It says Belushi, and my blow was right there. I mean, that is like, that's addiction. That's the disease of addiction, if you want to call it. Well, I hope that you find yourself in this position soon. Years later, I'm in this hotel room. I've been clean for seven, eight years.

And the movie The Doors comes on. And this is the movie I used to love watching Jim Morrison. I wanted to be like Jim Morrison. At least it's how he's portrayed in this movie. I'm clean seven, eight years. I'm watching the movie. He does a lot of asshole things in that movie. And I cannot believe what a flaming fucking asshole he is.

I've never noticed it before. And I'm watching it going, how is John Densmore not beating the shit out of Jim Morrison and saying, you're ruining it for everybody. We have the fucking moment in front of us. And they were young, man. They could have been the Stones. And he's like, I'm a lizard king.

You're fucking high. You're not a lizard king. You're fucking high. What's wrong with you? You're not a lizard. You're not a king. But, you know, listen. That's what happens when you have success.

No one can tell you what to fucking do. Like, you know, when you're a junkie like I was for a long time paying the bills, I'm like, fuck you. You can't kick me out of the house. I bought the fucking house. And then when you're the Doors, I mean, that's my success. That's minuscule. You're the fucking doors in 1969. And ego.

Ego is the killer. Ego gets in the way. You know, you want to pick up a book that's worth it just for, you could turn to any story and read it, is Rick James. Rick James' book. His biography. After he died, some guy wrote a biography of him. The stories will knock you on your ass.

First of all, he was supposed to be at Sharon Tate's house when Charles Manson came on. He was friends with the guy, whatever the name of the fucking guy was, the hairdresser, Jay something. And he didn't go because some of his girlfriends were hungover. He was supposed to. And I always remember, if Rick James was at that party and Tex Watson shows up, maybe Rick James fights him off. It's a different story, man.

Like, Rick James... And writes an album. Yeah, okay, so what happened was the Rick James story is he was in... Buffalo Kid playing drums,

jazz drums at a club. Crosby, Stills, and Nash comes through town. Their drummer gets sick, can't do the show. They ask if there's any local jazz bands or any local blues bands, whatever, and the guy goes, he's a 15-year-old kid,

and he's amazing. Rick James was a drummer. So they saw him or heard a tape of him, said he can do the gig tonight. So he played drums with Crosby, Stills, and Nash. At 15. At 15 in Buffalo. And Stephen Stills said, if you ever want to move out, he goes, you're talented, man. And he goes, you write music? He goes, yeah. He goes, move out to L.A. You could live with me. So he's living with Stephen Stills, sleeping on the couch. Stephen Stills, he wakes up Stephen Stills one day.

He wakes up on the couch one day, and he sees a guy cutting his hand and bleeding on a Bible and chanting in an Indian position. And he's right in front of him. And he runs into Stephen Stills and wakes him up and goes, hey, there's a guy bleeding on the Bible. And he goes, he's doing it again. He runs out. It was Jim Morrison. Oh, my God.

Wow. It was Jim Morrison. I guess I was like 67. I mean, but there's stories like that. Just those two alone. He's supposed to be at the Sharon Tate house. Doesn't go. And Jim Morrison.

I love stories like that. There's stories that will knock you on your ass. There's one story i don't know if i ever told you the story but these are people that i know that you're a fan of uh i think you'd get a kick out of it is one of my favorite entertainment business stories i've ever heard my friend dave who's a guitar tech for a bunch of artists told me the story and actually i it was a great story and i thought it's just kind of hard to believe and uh one night i was hanging out with a musician friend of mine who was this really cool guy.

He plays with sticks. His name's Todd Suckerman. Yeah. And my buddy Tom, who I texted to say, man, that guy Todd is such a – Tom's such a – or Todd's a good guy. And he said – he goes, oh, man, that guy played for, you know, Brian Wilson. He played for the Spinal Tap. And I was like, he played for Brian Wilson? There's great touring or session musicians you don't know about.

That are amazing. You don't know about. I go back. I knock on the guy's bus. And I go, he played for Brian Wilson. There's great touring or session musicians you don't know about. You don't know about. I go back. I knock on the guy's bus, and I go, dude, I'm sorry. I go, I just heard you played with Brian Wilson from the Beach Boys. And he goes, yeah. And I go, I heard a story once about Don Henley and Brian Wilson. And he goes, oh.

He goes, the autograph? He goes, it's a true story. I've seen the autograph. What is it? And the story is that apparently Don Henley is such a, he's a huge, huge Beach Boys fan. Yeah. And he finds out that Brian Wilson is going to be doing an art exhibit in Los Angeles. So Don Henley goes to the art exhibit and brings his guitar tech who witnesses his exchange.

Don Henley brings the first album he ever purchased in his life, which is Pet Sounds. Right. And he goes to the art exhibit and he walks up to Brian and goes, Brian, Don Henley, Eagles. And Brian goes, oh, yeah. Hey, how you doing? Hey, good to see you. He does look zombie-ish.

He's a weird guy. He's a really awkward guy socially. And Don Henley, after a few minutes, realizes this isn't going anywhere. So Don goes, goes hey do you mind he goes this is the first album I ever bought you and he goes sure you got something I can sign with and he goes yeah yeah and he gives him

so Brian Wilson grabs the album grabs the sharpie and writes to Don and then he looks at Don and then he writes thank you for all the great

music. Jesus Christ. And he starts slowing down, looks at Don Henley, scratches off the word great and writes good and then signs his name. You think he was trying to be funny? In the middle.

That's, he genuinely, he's just like Asperger's. He just like, you know what? Not great. I mean, you're not a beach boy. You're good. That's hilarious. You're good. That's hilarious.

I mean, but it's a funny joke. I mean, maybe that's like a thing he does, like to fuck with people if another celebrity asks him for an autograph. Don Henley thought it was so funny that he framed it and apparently it's hanging in his house somewhere. When you ask, when you, Norm has a story about, he was with his kid who was like seven years old at the time, outside a Laker game and he saw Magic Johnson. When you sign

so many autographs, it's funny how jaded people get. Norm's kid has a basketball and a sharpie with the cap on. Running towards Magic Johnson. He's one of 50,000 people trying to get Magic with a little basketball. And he goes to hand the basketball and Magic Johnson

grabs it and he looks at, not at Norm, to a seven-year-old kid, he goes, cap off. And then he's trying to get the cap off but he can't do it and Magic Johnson leaves. It's either a blow-off or it's like, I don't want to take the fucking cap off, kid. He just goes, cap off. And then, so Norm's trying to help him get the cap off. But it's like, I don't want to take the fucking cap off, kid. He just goes cap off.

So Norm's trying to help him get the cap off. But it's funny, the levels of fame. You know, it's like, you know, Norm's a famous guy, but it's Magic Johnson, man. I love, sometimes when I hear somebody's an asshole, it bums me out. But when they're a flaming asshole. I mean, I'm always being an asshole. Like, I mean, that's the story where, I mean, look, he's running around, you know. No, I get, in that frame, I totally get that. But I don't think he's,

the story I'm about to tell you is a friend of mine met Rod Stewart once and said, hey, Rod, can I get a picture with you? And Rod goes, yeah, sure. And he tells his tour manager, hey, hold on a second. And he starts to put his arm around my buddy and he goes, oh, did you go to the show? And he goes, no, I didn't get a ticket. And he goes, oh, fuck you. Christ! That is brutal.

That made me laugh so hard. What a fucking. If you're an asshole on that level. But I mean, if you're insanely famous, which I've never been, I've been, you know, I don't know, whatever. On the best year, I've probably been a C plus. But again, you know, we were talking about this, hanging out with Howard. You see, I mean, he's a recognizable guy who, you know, I remember one time we were at the

Hard Rock Cafe with the show in Vegas and we were by the VIP area in the pool, but you could kind of see the VIP area. And Howard got up and started wading through the pool, and the entire hotel, everyone around the pool just got up and was walking with Howard. This way, that way. And not even like that, they're not interacting, just see what he's doing. And it's a 6'5", usually famous guy. It's funny, it can be a trap. You can feel trapped by it, you know.

Ed has a guy like him who's always awkward socially. Oh, yeah, absolutely. And then on top of that, they have that weirdness. And it's weird. I've heard people try to fill in the gaps of the silence because he's not a social – he's an introvert in person. No, he really – I mean, the real guy, I think, comes out on the radio, but he really is a different, I mean, he's well-mannered. He's like a good human being. Isn't there a moment, was there a moment that you knew, holy shit, I got this?

I got this gig? I didn't believe it up until the very last minute when I got it. I didn't believe it up until the last minute. I really, my manager said, I think they're going to make an offer in September because it, and I was counting the shows. It was 33 shows I did before I got the offer. And I said to myself, you know, and in between I went to, I went to Europe to do a movie. Wow.

Like it was in L.A. to do a movie, and then that kind of made them want me more, you know. But it was, no, not up until the last minute I said, there's no way, because that wasn't even a dream, like a dream beyond dream doing that show. Because who knew Jackie would leave? Who knew it would be a job? Yeah.

It's a job, Jackie. And they also would do, were you told, did you know you were coming back next week? Because I wouldn't find out until the end of Tuesday. They'd say, come back next Monday and Tuesday. Yes, yes. Every week for, like, seven months. You got Mondays and Tuesdays.

I got Thursdays and Fridays. Thursdays and Fridays. And then Wednesday they started rotating somebody else in. That's right. And, yeah, I ended up doing it like 30 to 35 times too. And I remember other guys would come in and be like, oh, well, now that they're bringing in Richard Jenney. And Richard Jenney would only show up for like two episodes.

You know, I mean, some guys, some of those old school comics, people are at different points in their life. They might not want that schedule. Listen, Greg, we're at the end here. I love you, buddy. You are one of the dearest souls. And I'm so happy you're in my life, dude. You're a good man.

And I appreciate you. Well, a lot of people are rooting for you. A lot of people care about you. And I've gotten past a lot of hurdles that you're about to go to. And you've gotten past the hardest part and the hardest part is behind you and then it's it's just like uh this this next stage of your life is going to be really really rewarding and you're in a rare position where you actually have a lot of great shit to look forward to most people who do the kind of damage that you've done

walk away going holy fuck i got nothing scorched earth i've got nothing kind of damage that you've done and do the kind of record you've done walk away going, holy fuck, I got nothing. Scorched earth. I've got nothing. Yeah, scorched earth. And you've got so many people waiting to see you. Well, I'm finally getting grateful, I think. You got anything you want to plug? I'm going to be doing shows at the Super Bowl, and then I'll be doing my roast for my 50th birthday in Hawaii.

That's great. I'll be a part of it. Yeah, Artie's going to be a part of it. I've got guys from Pearl Jam and System of a Down doing it and some friends from the Seahawks. Yeah, it's going to be amazing. We're doing a roast. All the info for the roast in Hawaii, the shows at the Super Bowl, is at getgas.com, getgas with two S's.

If you have a chance to see Gas perform, do it. You will see no better or funnier person. Thank you, Guy. I love you, buddy. I love you, too, and thank you, and I'll see you guys soon. Mikey, say goodbye. Greg, congratulations on 15 years. God bless you. One of my favorite moments with Mike

is when I did this show. You actually did an advertisement for my upcoming gigs on his chin. Yeah. You took a piece of tape and you stuck it to his chin. We gotta do that again. That bit was good. That was amazing. We rented out Mike's chin. His second chin is bigger. Thank you, guys. See you later.

Great job, buddy. Oh, man. you