Artie Lange's Podcast Channel - 33 - DOUG STANHOPE

Episode Date: November 29, 2021

Artie interviews his good friend, stand-up comic and author Doug Stanhope. Support Artie by joining at Patreon.com/ArtieLange or by clicking the JOIN button on his YouTube page. You'll get access to the exclusive Thursday episodes and nearly 400 Artie Quitter podcast episodes. Patreon supporters at the "Artie Insider" level will get access to Artie's voicemail line to leave a message to be addressed on a future show. To join this channel on YouTube to get access to an extra episode every week and the archives visit: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCejSpn_F5eXMhVfbTXgC4JQ/join

you know today your hair is really standing out as being dyed yeah i dyed it on purpose yeah i know when's the last time you dyed your hair? Yesterday. This is Mike Buschetti, by the way. The great Mike Buschetti. We're rolling, buddy. We're rolling, buddy. So if you want to get in a costume.

I am in a costume. Mike, you got to stop touching the camera. What happened? Stop touching the camera. Just leave it alone. Well, drinking is... German is hard enough without drinking. Right? And there was this German drinking song

that was like, Ich das nicht, das schützt den Bank. I don't know what schützt den Bank meant, but the only word in it was Tannenbaum, which means Christmas tree in German. Okay. So were you much help? The whole, I don't understand.

You went on a local ghost hunt and most of the people were talking in German? No, no. They were looking for Hessian soldiers. Stop touching the camera. Oh, they're looking for Hessian soldiers. I know. I feel like my mom yelling at me like, stop touching your face throughout the acne. Did you have a problem with acne my mom yelling at me like, stop touching your face without acne. Did you have a problem with acne? She screamed at me like that.

Oh, I look like Alfred E. Newman had so much acne. Not acne, acne. Alfred E. Newman on the cover of Mad Magazine. Yeah, but it's not acne, it's acne. Acne, yeah, it was horrible because I had it at 14, it was horrible because i had it at 14 it was horrible because everybody

made fun of my brothers through like stuffing me to get the shits off my face did anyone else in your family have a problem with it no i was the only one sadly well you're the only one and i looked like cousin oliver from a brady bunch Bunch with the bowl haircuts in the 70s. Wow. No, and I hated the 70s because, thank God you're younger than me because I don't know if you ever had to wear a leisure suit like I did. It was horrible. No.

Thank God you're younger than me because by the time you were, let's say, 14, that was, what do you call it? Let me figure this out. No, by the time you were 14, leisure suits were done. Yeah, well, sort of. I wore one or two as a kid. They're horrible, right? Yeah, well, you wore a leisure suit as an adult?

As a teenager, like 16, 17. And what, for like your communion and stuff like that? No, just going to parties and stuff, but no one else is worse, right? My mom sent me to school to look nice, right? And this was like in the early 70s. By that time, everybody was wearing Levi's and jeans and T-shirts being cool. I went to school with sheer double-knit burgundy pants. Wow. That'll do it every time.

I looked like the Rooster from Beretta. That kind of burgundy. That is heavy burgundy. And you know what else has really been when I went shopping to Sears? Idiots had a department called Husky in those days for fat fucks.

Yeah, right. That was a euphemism for fat fucks yeah right that's that was a euphemism for fat fucks husky it's insulting you think so you couldn't do that today you'd have a lawsuit probably husky nah not with husky husky's a husky's a safe word is it i don't know i guess to call an entire department of his store husky, maybe, but. Who knows what is safe word today? You know what I mean? I mean, come on, they're going after Mr. Potato Head. How ridiculous is that?

What do they say about him? I think they had a problem with him because he had his parts weren't interchangeable. Wait, they weren't interchangeable. What am I talking about? His parts? They probably had a couple more body parts to them now. Well, I know they had a

Mrs. Potato Head. Well, they probably made it into one potato. I was going to say, if they had a Mrs. Potato Head, they'd have to have a Mrs. Potato Head nowadays. Yeah, but you know what? They had Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head. Now it's just one conjunctural potato with for 20 body parts now it's a trans potato now oh I'm not saying that it's a uh uh it's a unique potato I'll put it that way it's to go to the future now right now

I know you're very suave and very uh very protective of what you say uh publicly I know that you have to be you have to be at this point right well not really if you unless you're a zillionaire you can say what you want but even then i mean mel gibson was a maniac when he did but you know what though at the same time he still worked but but the thing is but i don't know what he's doing now but he's a great he's a great actor and filmmaker that's for sure too bad he's not brit good you know too bad he's doing now, but he's a great actor and filmmaker. That's for sure. Too bad he's not... Too bad he's not... Gary Busby, when it comes to his brain.

Some what? Too bad he's not what? Gary Busby. How do you say his name? Busey, right? Oh, Gary Busey. You thought Busey was Busby? No, but the thing is...

Yeah. Gary Busey. That's amazing. I feel sorry for him because that poor guy was in a bad accident I think yeah I think he had

a motorcycle accident yeah poor guy I shouldn't goof with him he was in a really bad motorcycle accident Gibson is just a nut burger

yeah what are you doing Mike making fun of a guy in a bad accident no I mean Gibson you know what but Gibson you gotta remember, making fun of a guy with a bad accent? No, I mean, Gibson, you know what? But Gibson, you've got to remember one thing. Some of these method actors like him or Johnny Depp is awesome.

All those guys. What was his name? He was in the last of the Mohegans. Daniel Day-Lewis. Yeah. Is awesome. I mean, I love the movie. What do you call it?

Gangs of New York. But you know what's really crazy? They're making a movie about Jerry Garcia right now. You know who's playing him? Jonah Hill. That's kind of ridiculous. Oh, really?

Yeah. I could see that maybe. That could be good. Yeah, but who would have played him? Good, but somebody said he was too pretty looking. Leonardo DiCaprio was Jerry Garcia. Oh, really? Yeah looking. Leonardo DiCaprio was Jerry Garcia.

Oh, really? Yeah. Well, DiCaprio's good in almost everything he does. I would say that. But the thing is, he did have to make him a little heavy or just change him around a little, but he would be a great Jerry Garcia. Yeah, because Garcia was a big fat guy. Yeah,

you know what's crazy about the Grateful Dead? When they started out, just like Jimi Hendrix They just wanted to play their music They didn't care about being famous at all Well, they just toured, you know They didn't want to make music videos, I remember Someone had a full They weren't commercial, really

And you know what? Because the thing is like I'll give you an example Someone that loves to do stand-up, purely David Tell Loves being a comedian He would do a show for five people And he don't care You know what I mean? like like i'll give you an example someone like that loves to do stand-up purely david tell loves being a comedian he would do a show for five people in a bait he don't care you know what i mean he's not about the other stuff in this he goes in the business but the same thing we got

to say hendrix they just wanted to play and play because they loved it the thing is that like i watched the documentary on jimmy hendrix a few days ago it was it was super sad why he died young he's 27 mentioned Jimi Hendrix a few days ago. It was super sad. Why he died young? He was 27. Now, did you stop partying at a young age? I started drinking at 14 years old. You started drinking, but when did you stop?

I stopped at 36. At 36? That's a long time right yeah but uh but still that's about 23 years ago right uh 25 in march but the thing is but you know what's really weird about it i started drinking exactly on the um halloween 1975 my friend bought a couple of quarter blood washer for like 75 cents. That's how cheap things were then. I didn't even, I'll be honest with you,

I didn't even like the taste of beer the first time. I spit it out. It was horrible. But you became a beer drinking guy though. But you know what happened after that? I started getting a taste for it and it was horrible because I wasted my education in high school

because instead of going to class at 15, 16 years old, I was hanging over my friend's house, drinking, getting drunk and wasting my time. Yeah, it's a big waste of time drinking, absolutely. Artie Lang's Halfway House premieres free every Monday, but on Thursday, you get an exclusive episode and access to over 400 arty quitter podcast archives by joining on patreon the comics gym or youtube by clicking the join button at the top of the arty lang page you also get access to the 800 number to be able to leave a voicemail for arty and we've got one here marvin would you play this week's voicemail hey what's up artyie? It's Jeff from Connecticut. I saw you at Mohegan a few years back. Actually, I met you backstage. But anyways, random, I was just wondering, could you do some of your famous whack pack impressions?

Again, Elliot Alston or Ed Torian or perhaps Jeff the Drunk or Jeff Levy, the vomit guy. Anyways, love you, man. Thanks. I'll give you a little Jeff the Drunk and thank you for calling. Hey, this is Jeff the Drunk Curl from the Howard Stern Show. How are you? You little bitch. You little bitch. Why are you

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and Halfway House listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com. listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash Artie. That's BetterHelp, B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com slash Artie, A-R-T-I-E. BetterHelp for your mind. This episode of Artie Lang's Halfway House is sponsored by Blue Chew. Artie Lang's guest here from New Mexico Mr. Doug Stanhope Actually Arizona That's all the same If I could say one guy I truly love

It would be Doug Stanhope Thanks for coming on brother Yeah absolutely Yeah so we just overheard Your coffee order Which I thought was interesting Bailey's Whiskey Coffee And what is it like 10 o'clock in the morning heard your coffee order, which I thought was interesting. Yes, Bailey's Whiskey Coffee.

And what is it, like 10 o'clock in the morning? It's 11 o'clock now, yeah. Oh yeah, you gotta get started. Me and Doug are always in the top echelon of the comedians that are gonna die. They have a hit list. And we're always at the top of the list. the comedians that are going to die, they have a hit list, and we're always at the top of the list.

And Norm, how well do you know Norm? Do you know Norm? I only met Norm at one of the Aspens probably 2004, 2003, 2004. It was the only time I met him, but we'd yak back

and forth on Twitter here and again, but I didn't really know him that well at all. Right, yeah. Well, he's definitely like you in the sense that he was one of a kind. So what's your life story? And you had no idea even, right? No. No, I had no idea.

It was completely a shock. How do you keep something like that secret for like nine years? That's tough in this business. But, yeah, it really hit me hard. I would be the opposite, Artie. If I had cancer, I'd be going, how do I bleed every second of comedy out of this? I would exploit it to no ends. Yeah, I know.

I know. That's the thing. Like, you'd think you'd get some sort of material out of it, at least. But what makes you live in Arizona, not L.A. or New York? I just, traffic. Honestly, traffic was one of the biggest things that I loathed about L.A. When I moved by the airport, Playa del Rey, I just stopped doing spots because I'm that claustrophobic in traffic. I wanted to live in a small town, and I found it.

And Route 405, my God. You're talking about how bad the airport is. It's insanity to live there. It is. It is insanity to live there. It is. It is. It is crazy. But you live in Arizona. Now, is bingo still with you?

Yeah. Bingo just put too much Baileys in my coffee. Doug's trusty servant, bingo. How often are you on the road, bro? I just got back. I just started back in August after a year and a half. And so I've been out for about a month and a half or so. I just got back home last night.

Where were you? Oh, fuck it. I was ping-ponging all over the place, just making up dates that have gotten shit-canned and pushed ahead at boston at the wilbur and i was at oh okay denver and cobs in san francisco how is uh yeah cobs a room i've played i love it there what um how is comedy changed to you you think of the audience wise about being too sensitive and stuff like that do you see a lot of that no no i i think you comics mostly run into that doing showcase sets where they're yeah when my my fan base they know that right they're not sensitive about shit right that's what's good about your fans in the same way yeah no that's what's good about having a fan base i

know you you know what you're gonna get and And you were always a guy who was able to do a room. I remember me and you played San Diego once, a room called Fourth and B. Yeah. And you remember that? Yes, absolutely. And, well, there was a lot of drinking going on that weekend. But Fourth and B is a room

where people stand up. And it's hard to do comedy, in my opinion, when people are standing up. But you do that a lot, don't you? No, not anymore. No? Good for you. I stopped with that. I think I stood through someone's show and went, okay, we're not doing this to people anymore.

Yeah, it's hard to get their attention with comedy. You've got to hear a setup or something like that or some sort of point to a story, and they're ordering a double you know, a double show, a double sawbuck on, on the rocks. But, uh, you, you, but we still do a lot of alternative venues. We just make sure they're seated. Right. I just did a Chicago. I did this place called Brower house. And I think it's sat like 500 with folding chairs, but it's generally a rock and roll venue right uh but it was seated and you don't fucking have to no one's punking the

fucking audience for you know aeg ticket master fee whatever one third of the fucking ticket price is going to fuck someone you don't know for no reason. Yeah, I know. So you're battling against that. Good for you. Yeah, when Jim Brewer just canceled Detroit because of the vaccination cards, I'm like, you should be canceling this gig because of fucking AEG tacking on fucking $15 to the ticket price. Yeah. That's no joke, man.

They really, they tear into it. And the only way that's going to stop is if enough comics stand up to it and say, no, you know, hit them in the pocketbook and say, look, we're canceling the appearance. Yeah. When I have an option, I take it. A lot of cities you go, all right, it's either that or I play at the fucking, you know. Right. At the railway station.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, how are you feeling these days? You feel all right? Health-wise? Yeah, I feel good. Fucking COVID was fantastic. I had such a beautiful time with it.

A year and a half of sleeping in the same bed. I haven't done that since I was a teenager. Did you ever get it? Did you get COVID? No, no. Good. Yeah, I got it. I got it like last year.

Oh, did you? Yeah, I got it last year. I couldn't believe it. And it didn't hit me that bad, but I did have it. If you have the antibodies, it's also Japan. Are you vaccinated? Yeah, yeah. I got vaccinated early.

So you're not for this anti-vaccination shit. I don't give a shit, Artie. That's other people's problem. I'm not hanging out in crowds anyway. Yeah, exactly. It gave me a reason to stop doing the merch booth.

What a blessing that was for comedy. Were you always a guy who had merchandise to sell and you would go out there and actually do it? Yeah, my tour manager, that's he would make his money off of the merch booth. Right. And but then you'd have to go straight from stage, you know, fight or flight state of mind into this politician mode of handshaking. And I'll be patient while you figure out how to use your own fucking camera. stage, you know, fight or flight state of mind into this politician mode of handshaking. And I'll be patient while you figure out how to use your own fucking camera. Sometimes a merch booth that lasts longer than the show.

No, I know. I have not. I noticed that when I had my books out, like a book signing, these people like it adds if you say, OK, look, I'll take a picture with you. It adds two hours to the appearance because people are always like, how do they come back? Do you stand up? Do you sit down? They can't work their phone. They have to give it to their 10 year old so he can operate it. And, you know, it's such a some really heartfelt story you have to hear. to have some really heartfelt story you have to hear.

I know you're really busy, but my sister committed suicide with an altar of you. I can't say no to this story. Make your sister suicide quick. There's a long line. Yeah, can you just ramble through that part? Yada, yada, yada, sister suicide. Yada, yada, yada. Can you make it to the suicide quick Yeah, no It The biggest thing is like standing up To pose with my back issues

Is a little bit of a pain in the ass I never did that I never really did the merchandise thing My manager now, Tommy, thinks I left a lot of money on the table. But you worked out a thing where your manager would get that money and you got the gig. My tour manager would get a cut of the merch sales. We'd do the picture. Only at certain levels.

We still play a lot of small shitholes. Right. at certain levels. We still play a lot of small shitholes. Right. If you're playing the Wilbur, there's never been merch for fucking whatever, 900 people or 700 people. That would take an inordinate amount of time.

Yeah. When you're playing comedy clubs, we would do that. Right. Yeah, the Wilbur's a good club. Doug, how did you originally meet Artie, for those of our listeners who don't know the history here? We were both up for the Jackie chair for Stern. Yeah, that's right.

He was rotating people in and out in different comics. So that's, yeah. Yeah, no. I guess that's not how I met you, because we would have never been on the same show. But I guess that's how I knew about you, because we would have never been on the same show. But I guess it was that's how I knew about you. And it was after you got it that I came on. And right. Right. You invited me to play fourth and be fucking stern audiences.

Any morning radio audiences were just legendarily assholes. But just, you know, barking, fucking, you know know stuff from the show yeah exactly just beetlejuice or just yelling things to let you know that they know who you are it's like yeah like stern show tourette's or something yeah yeah and fucking opie's you know fans were no better and local radio stations that had huge followings. I think it was like Mike and Mark in Detroit. I remember doing the Emerald Theater and it was just fucking caterwauling, non sequiturs at the stage and the drunkest fucking assholes.

Because if you're a fan of a morning radio show, that means you have some hump job where you have to sit in traffic at seven, seven o'clock in the morning. And by the time you get to fucking 9 o'clock at night, yeah, you're an idiot drunk. It's a lot of guys in traffic, absolutely. It must have been unbelievably challenging to be an opening act going to the shows where you were headlining. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, not for Doug, though.

I mean, Doug is a rock star. I mean, he can handle anything. But did you ever find that, like, not for Doug, though. I mean, Doug is a rock star. I mean, he can handle anything. But did you ever find that, like, what about, we always talk about, like, the worst middle you could meet on the road. Nothing like a middle who is said does local references. That's another thing, yeah. Like, I remember I did, I played Minnesota once, Like, I remember I did, I played Minnesota once and the opening act came out and was crushing, crushing, like, like, you know, the walls were moving because he was talking about.

Well, he could tell the St. Louis Park people, am I right? Yeah, absolutely. How about you, Eden Prairie? Well, he would come out and he would do local references that were just so, seemed so obscure, but it's such a small town compared to New York or L.A. or whatever. And everyone would know what he was talking about. You go out to Lake Guadalmintoba and you get ice fishing. People were like smacking the wall because they went ice fishing in Lake Guadalmintoba. Well, you always brought your own guys with you,'t you yeah i did i i tried to not all the

time not all the time especially in the beginning before i knew exactly i could i could do that but it is uh even for a headliner with stuff from a morning radio show they yell stuff out it could be a pain in the ass yeah when's the last time you were out? I'm sorry. I'm sure having this podcast and you being in a fucking hiding for the last two years, more questions are about you than the guest. Have you gone out and done anything? I haven't done any stand-up in about a year and a half, no.

Just as COVID hit, I stopped. But I'm going to be getting back out there. It's just a matter of getting my mindset to do it. What about you podcast-wise? Do you do a podcast? Yeah, yeah, we still do it. Yeah. I used to just do it because there's

no open mic where I live. It would keep me talking to people when I was off the road. Once COVID hit, I went, oh, shit, we should have put more time and energy into this podcast because it's our only source of income now. I never really tried.

Yeah, do you find... How many of the fans that you'll see out of the club, do you think what percentage of them are listening to the podcast? I always wonder who actually listens, you know, but the numbers come in the numbers come in it's like wow those people know how to do this i was just thinking that i that i i should ask the crowd more questions like that like how many of you are actually on twitter yeah because after you spend so long at home and you're just listening to twitter you think everyone's a fucking cunt. Oh, God. You think everyone in the world, and you go, probably maybe 10% of my audience is even

on Twitter, much less active on Twitter. Right. I mean, you hit the nose on the head. It's like just the Twitter assholes are just, it's insane. It's insane. Like, you know, with all these different names, like Ed's. Their names on Twitter would be an insult to me. Their actual name would be like Artie's Big Black Liver at AOL whatever. And I'd be like, hi, Artie's Big Black Liver.

You're on the air. Or One guy This was actually the guy's name Artie's mother loves Arab dick Arab dick And I felt like saying to the guy You know I asked my mother And she said you're lying

I've noticed Entire bits That I realized I wrote based on one shitty Twitter comment. I wrote a whole fucking bit. Like, that's all a huge subsection of my fan base. No, that was one comment that I extrapolated into a whole bunch. And you people who say, it was one guy who said it. He's probably drunken for a gut he said it. Yeah.

Well, if you know anything about comedy, the worst thing comics can call each other is a hack, which is basically an unoriginal, someone who's not original. And Doug is a direct opposite of that. That's the best compliment I can give him. He's a direct opposite of a hack. He's an original.

You're always right. How similar is what you do on stage this past tour compared to a year before? When I started, after a year and a half, it was literally like doing open mic again.

Really? Pasting notes in. my whole dining room table was different index cards and old cocktail napkins of bits i never developed and just right like like like a mass murderer paste together a fucking ransom note that's how i was pasting together my set almost literally all right this goes with that uh so i i i have uh two bits that i'm shaving down that i was doing before uh covid and most of it's new i mean i don't know how much of its keeper stuff yeah how what percentage would you say like you say you develop us a bit how much with that would you say is truly your act?

Like what percentage doesn't make it if you're going to try to do an hour? Well, I've never done this before. I was doing between an hour ten and an hour and a half on the first shows. But, I mean, if I did an hour and a half, that was 40 minutes of quality material. Yeah, yeah, yeah. a half that was 40 minutes of quality material yeah but i was i'm amazed at how much in just you know 30 40 days that my act has developed and the great thing already is there's none of it that i hate right generally as you develop your act you're writing mostly to replace this fucking chunk i just hate saying i feel like a telemarketer or a Best Buy employee having to say,

do you want the extended warranty? No, I'm not going to fight you. They used to make me push that. Now I just have to say the words. Yeah. Yeah. No. Now I have nothing I hate.

I have stuff that's not working and I'm dumping it, but I can, I have a million other things to try to replace it with. Maybe it's funny, maybe it's not, but there's, you don't have that drag of having to tote out this old closer. Right, I was going to say do you have, do you have bits that

you love that the audience doesn't seem to like that you'll say, fuck it, I'm just going to keep doing it? And the opposite, you know? That's a comic cliche where they say yeah, some of these jokes are just for me. Right. Some of these jokes are just for you. I said it accidentally. You roared in laughter. And I don't know why you think it's funny, but I'm going to keep saying it.

Right. Why not? Well, you got to get paid at the end, too. So. So how are you feeling, man? Physically, how how you feeling, man, physically, how you feeling these days? I get feel, I get holding up fairly well. There was over COVID. There was no, one of the things that on this tour is after we just got done Phoenix, I go, we're going to stop playing fun towns where I know people because I'm hearing the words last call more than I like San Francisco. You like, ah, shit. I want to go out and party in San Francisco.

If I'm playing fucking Indianapolis, Salt Lake city, I'm not closing down bars. I'm going back to my room and put on fucking netflix or something and uh yeah right so you know you're trying to keep healthy by playing shitty rooms there's a method to it i mean you've tried every fucking yeah i'll forget about it you know angle of like all right now i won't party as much if yeah Yeah, I'll do this, I'll do that. That's why COVID was great. It's not like I quit drinking, but I was hydrating every day.

Right. Drink a gallon of water infused with strawberries or pineapples. So you're one of those rare people who COVID was a positive for you. Yes, absolutely thriving. Yeah, well, that's good. That's brave of you to say. A lot of people would not admit to that. Yeah, and all my old people are long since dead, so it wasn't like I was worried about it. No, I was talking about that with Attell once.

He said, he goes, you know, you go to clubs now and you expect to find some couple you used to party with or something out there. And I'm like, no, they have kids. Like, they moved on in life. some couple you used to party with or something out there. And like, no, they have kids, like they moved on in life. They have children that they can't, they can't bring out. And, you know, so that's, that's crazy too. Yeah. That's the other thing is a lot of my audience, I don't know, it might be their first time being out in public in a year and a half.

Yeah. I don't, I don't know what people's backstories are and I'm trying to stay off. Twitter is the output only now. I'll tweet something or a joke or mostly just my dates but I'm not reading comments because I'm trying to put

new shit together and I don't want to have that one thin-skinned moment where I rethink an entire bit because of one fucking asshole so I put out but I don't read responses has that affected you in the past where like one asshole comment and makes you like you know change something right an entire bit yeah wow yeah to give it that kind of power sucks. Well, when you don't have when I'm doing this and you don't have the road, like during COVID,

I would tweet and maybe get into a drunken or high Twitter battle with someone. And then when you don't have the stage as a release for that, then you're just, okay, this is my audience now, one-on-one. It's not like I can go up on stage that night and kill and feel better about myself.

Yeah, during COVID, if someone said something shitty, I just have to sit and live with that. There's no influx of gratitude that night at the show to make you forget about it. Right. No, I know. Absolutely. You gotta, because most of the time, if you meet, like you want to call a Twitter bully or something like that, or if you respond to something they say on Twitter, they immediately become a pussy.

Yeah, you can do that. When people would email me something shitty and I'd write back something like, hey, I'm sorry, I didn't really I didn't think about it like I didn't want to offend you. Just write something back nice. They'll go, oh, I didn't think you'd write back to me. I'm sorry. I was just drunk when I said that. It was really cool. I just thought maybe.

You rule. Like a fucking puppy on its back with a small pinky hanging out, scratch my belly. You rule, bro. Sorry about that. I just, I didn't really mean that. You didn't mean that. How's Bingo doing?

Bingo's great. She's curled up here on the couch, smiling, listening to your beautiful voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bingo is someone I love. I love seeing Bingo. Yeah, she had a pretty good COVID, too. Just one trip to the Nuthatch. Just one quick, brief

stint, but other than that, held up well. The Nuthatch. Do you want to describe your relationship with Bingo? When did you guys meet? Over 16 years now. Yeah, she... Well, we met after a show.

God damn it, I just feel like we're rehashing a fucking Stern episode. No, that's all right. He would have the same episode every time. So Bingo, now you're crazy, right? Bingo, I met after a show like a comic and a lady do. And then she kept in touch for a couple of years saying, oh, I live in Wyoming now. Now I'm in New Orleans learning to play saxophone.

Oh, I just got out of a mental hospital. I was 5150 against my will. I was in there for a month and now I'm out. So she came to this party and I left my wife for her. And here we are. Where are you going to hear a unique story like that? Probably nowhere. So what's coming up?

Anything big for you coming up? I know you wrote a book. How many books have you written? Three now. Yeah. I was going to say, you know, what do you got coming up? You're due for another one. Yeah, you're right.

I wrote a lot of it in jail. I was literally in jail, in solitary confinement, and I wrote notes to like a fourth book. I had three out. I haven't had... It's funny. In jail everything seemed great, because I'm in a jail cell for 23 hours a day

and like a couple of months of that, and you start to go crazy and I just started jittering down shit and a lot of it I look back and I go was I on angel dust when I wrote this like you know like and I just realized I could I could you know accounted for the account the reason for it was that I was in jail. Well, my first question is, what were you writing with and what were you writing on? I was writing on the wall with blood. No, no, no. Because Bingo just for her, not because she was committed, but for her own personal safety when she was switching meds, checked herself into a fucking mental hospital here.

And for four days, they wouldn't give her crayons. Yeah, jail isn't like that. Like, you can get a hold of a pencil and a yellow pen. My lawyer brought me most of that stuff. Which is, my point is, why are fucking mental institutions, which are supposed to be medical facilities, far more draconian than even solitary confinement? Yeah, you're right. Absolutely.

They're afraid. I guess they're afraid, you know, that the person might do something more in a mental institution. But solitary confinement, I will say this, becomes like a mental institution if you're there that long. environment, I will say this, becomes like a mental institution if you're there that long. A whole row of guys in jail are there specifically to stay in a cell for 23 hours a day. And you get out and they put you in a cage. The hour you have out is a cage where you can dribble a basketball or something. Yeah, it's like the fucking Guantanamo cage. Yeah, right.

Paced back and forth like a fucking dog kennel. And we expect you to come out a more productive member of society. Yeah, right. There's not a lot of revamping going on in there. Did you exercise in solitary? I did. They gave you a basketball

and I'm in my own cage. I had my own cage. And what happens is a lot of these guys, they give them tablets. And they could make phone calls on the tablets, you know, when they're out of their cell. So a lot of them will call their, like, I would hear, like, fights start to happen where people would go, Yo, man. Yo, baby. How you doing?

I missed you. I missed you. And then he hears it and goes, who's that in the background? Is that Jake? What the fuck is Jake doing? The argument starts because they hear a guy's voice in the background. And it gets really, they get really

mad and you're scared to death. Me, I never even tried to do that. I just took a basketball and I dribbled a little bit. That's all I did. I meant actually in your cell. No. I don't know if that's how you got your fucking, your mind straight was doing push-ups in the fucking.

Every time people were bitching about gyms being closed during COVID, like this guy's in fucking solitary that are jacked. Exactly. They are. I met a guy when I was... You need to go to a Planet Fitness in your fucking tight little shorts, you fucking pussy man. Yeah, you don't need to do that.

You can just go in solitary. A lot of the guys do do that. It's weird you say that. They do. They get in shape in solitary confinement. Doug, listen. I love you. I love you for doing this. Thanks for getting up early. Absolutely. It's a pleasure to see your face.

Thanks, man. And I don't know. I'll talk to you soon. Hopefully I'll see you somewhere down the road. Where are you going next? Shit, I'm doing Portland. All perfectly routed things. Portland and then Philly. That's your east-west coast swing? Texas. Yeah, it's on my site. I don't even – I look a week ahead. All right, what's the next bag I have to pack?

I'll figure out where I'm going Later in the year Right Well it's good of you to come on here man And wrap a little bit Tell Bingo I said hi I will and yeah Hopefully we'll see you out there soon

Yeah I'll be talking to you Doug Thanks so much man Alright now Later I'll be right back. Bye.