Artie Lange's Podcast Channel - 39 - JIM GAFFIGAN

Episode Date: December 20, 2021

Artie interviews award winning stand-up comic and actor Jim Gaffigan. Support Artie by joining at Patreon.com/ArtieLange or by clicking the JOIN button on his YouTube page. You'll get access to the exclusive Thursday episodes and nearly 400 Artie Quitter podcast episodes. Patreon supporters at the "Artie Insider" level will get access to Artie's voicemail line to leave a message to be addressed on a future show. To join this channel on YouTube to get access to an extra episode every week and the archives visit: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCejSpn_F5eXMhVfbTXgC4JQ/join

We're back with Artie Lang's Halfway House. Mike Borchetti is joining us. Mikey. Hey, Artie. How are you? Good. How are you doing? You got something in your throat? A frog. It sounds like a frog covered in mayonnaise.

It's a frog covered in pastrami. Is that what you just said? Pastrami? No, I'm only kidding. I wish I had some. I'm going to catch his deli. That place is magnificent. I wish you'd do a thing where you review restaurants, Mike. Oh, God, yeah. You know what we should start? L&B Scimoni Gardens in Brooklyn. Absolutely. Well, that's known as the best pizza ever.

Sicilian is the best over there, right? It's like a cake. Yeah, but you know what's a great place where you lived? I got introduced to it a couple of years ago. Uptown Pizza. Yeah, Uptown Pizza's great. Can you put the camera on? Oh, it's on.

It's not on. We can't see you. Yeah, it's on. You can't see me? No, that's the whole purpose of the camera is to see you. Sorry. There you go. There you go. Now we can see you. Sorry. And look, it looks like you figured out the blue in the back.

No. I think I did. Yeah, you look good. No, but Uptown Pizza is incredible, right? They've been around a long time, I think. You look like they have, right? No, they're only about 20 years old compared to some places that are like since 1905. I always tell people from out of town, you know what?

Pizzeria is good if the owner's under indictment. I already tell people from out of town You know what? Pizzeria is good if the owner's under indictment Guys like that All wise guys have the best restaurants They do, their food is phenomenal They never have shitty food No, right, they like to eat good Well, you know why?

Because they like to live high You don't know how long you're going to live your life to begin with And hey man, why not live it up If you have that kind of cash like they do? Yeah, why not? What's your favorite restaurant? What's your favorite restaurants for money gardens? You know what?

Actually, I went there with you and Sal years ago. When they cook over there on the table. Where they cook over there? On the table, like Japanese plates. Benihana? Yeah, I love Benihana. Yeah. It looked disgusting when you first seen it,

like cooking at the table, like what is this nonsense? But then it's good, right? Yeah, but you know what? I thought, oh no, they're cooking off a table? What kind of third-world nonsense is this? Why don't we just cook off the back of the donkey?

Why don't you just eat a monkey brain? Oh, I seen that on Faces of Death years ago. It was horrible. Yeah, they hook, they trap a monkey

and they hit it on the head and they eat the brains. Well, I don't know. I think some Faces of Death were staged. Some of it had to be. But the person still dies, though. That's the whole key to faces of death The person has to die

It's like a national snuff film Yeah, pretty much I don't know They said it was fake, who knows But you know what, they had all kinds of nutty stuff in that thing I remember the first time I seen it, I couldn't believe it My friend, it was Marie Nick A a close friend of me, said, hey, man, this is cool. You've got to watch this.

He ordered like a pepperoni pizza and a six pack. From where? The deli, the pizzeria, I mean, sorry. And we just watched Faces of Death. That's good. You got drunk watching Faces of Death. Oh, yeah. My friend was a great guy. He was a Marine. He was a 1977, 1980. He was a good guy, but a total maniac. He drank. Now, were you a Marine?

No, I can't explain that title because you have to graduate to claim the title. You didn't graduate? No, I'm a non-graduate like everything else in life. How long did you last in the process of trying to become a Marine? Six weeks. It was like halfway through. That's halfway through? Six weeks already?

Yeah. You couldn't last? You know what? I'll put it this way. I definitely was piled in full metal jacket. Did they do that thing where they tied you up at night and hit you with soap? It came close. Now, you would slow the rest of the platoon up because you weren't up to snuff? Yeah, you know, it started the minute I got off the bus, actually.

What happened? They all over me because you had to yell up. First of all, the guy that got on the bus was a marine uh what he called he had black polished shoes like black mirrors straight you know shirt you know his pants like straight as an arrow it's like yeah like that intention he said nicely at first you know property united states government i'm like what did he just say property the government right he goes and you're now in the united states marine corps and he screamed his ass off and what you have three seconds you're off this bus and two are gone

when i leave really you know what you know what i did idiot that i was i was like you know what everybody's pushing and shoving to get off the bus let me take my time and work at my own pace and that didn't work, right? No, it's like, wait, we had to run up to these yellow footprints and yell our name and go, sir. Yes, sir. By mistake. I said, yes, sir. By accident. You're supposed to say, sir. Yes, sir. And he got in my face and he was all, he goes, he goes, who's the,

who's the penis eater that, you know, what do you call it? He said, yes, sir, yes, sir. I mean, that's a yes, sir, instead of sir, yes, sir. And he looked at me, he goes, well, you're Liberace. He called you Liberace? Yeah, on my face, right? And he goes, your new name is going to be Milton Bradley. We're going to play so many games

with your son. That sounds kind of cruel. They were cruel, but you what it was they were cruel for a reason because you know what they had to break people down if she would survive and who would not survive and you know but the thing is one interesting thing is there's a big difference between combat military people and civilian military people, because, you know, there are people in the military that never fought in the war, you know what I mean? And there are people who are severely in combat.

But the thing is, when you think about it, right, who knows what would happen if somebody went into an actual battle? You know, it's a lot different when you're there. Oh, God, yeah. I would think it is. You know what I mean? You have people firing at you, and you know what I mean? You're not going to, who knows how people would react anyway until you're there. Now, was it wartime when you were there, or it wasn't wartime?

It was very close. It was 1980. Well, what was close? You know what happened? The Grenada War? We thought we were going to go, because you know why? It was a hostage situation. But you know what?

Those idiots relented once Reagan got in office. That's right. He knew he would have made them into a rock pile over there if they didn't relent. It's a tough call because you don't want to hurt the hostages either. No. They were definitely afraid

of Reagan, that's for sure. They definitely were. They're not afraid of anybody now, I don't think. Yeah, that's the problem. But you know what? You know who I love and people rag on him, but he's funny. I like Jeff Dunham. What does he have to do with Marines? Well, he has a puppet that's a terrorist puppet.

Oh, really? OK, I'm sorry. I didn't know that. Yeah, but the funny thing is, you know what? He's brilliant because you know why? I think the puppet's name is Ahmad. I think that's it, right? But the smart thing he did was

he does not name the country the puppet's from. So he can't get specifically blamed for anything. So he can't have a poison blowgun Poison blowgun Shot in his face in the middle of the night Some place

Would you say Jeff Dunham is your favorite comic? Working now? I like him but Otto is the best Because you know He's dead though Yeah but you know what There was a lot of good people But my favorite comic

It's hard to pinpoint that Because comedy is so much different now Yeah, but you know what? What do you call it? There was a lot of good people, but my favorite comedy, it's hard to pinpoint that because comedy is so much different now than it was many years ago. I mean, you know, yeah, but you know what? Turn on an episode of Even at the Improv for early 80s, right? Early to mid 80s, a lot of that comedy they were doing on TV then would be considered major hack now. Yeah, you think so think about guys were like almost blowing up balloon animals on tv in those days yeah that's true you're right think about what less originality that's for sure right

well i don't know i mean uh it's a stand-up ball has its originality and certain people who do it well the thing is like originality like you know I'll make a good comparison right Groucho Marx Dennis Miller I'm sorry will be modern day Groucho Marx

you think so? because he's very quick like him and he kind of reminds me of him but i think i think miller's more political than groucho once well yeah groucho was a slapstick guy what actually but i mean verbally tv show when he hosted her i met oh you mean the game show yeah yeah he's very much like him in a way yeah absolutely i could see that i could see that dennis miller is quick as hell have you ever met him i'm dying to meet him i heard he's really cool yeah he interviewed me a couple of times on the radio uh when i was promoting something and he was really super nice

oh nice he's he really is a good guy right yeah he is he is, what do you call it? What did he say? He loves Andrew Dice Clay. Right. He called it. He had a black and white album. I think that's what it was called in 1990. You know, stop picking on Dice. All he is is the Fonz with Tourette's Syndrome. The Fonz with Tourette's.

That's what he called it, right? I remember that, yeah. So what are you going to do? The thing is When you started, right? I'm so shocked That it ever ran into you Because the only contact

Like, you know Six degrees of separation I have with you is My friend Carmine was in the same improv group You were for a short time Yeah, I remember Carmine. Absolutely. He always talked about you.

Carmine knew me then. I didn't remember him, but he was a super young kid at the time, maybe like 19 or 20. I don't remember meeting him, but he knew you from then. I think it was Alan Chan's group, right? Yeah, Alan Chan. That's right. The Improvables.

I think the Improvables, I think they called them. I don't really remember. The Improvables. I think the Improvables they call them. I don't really remember. The Improvables. That's what they call it, yeah. Because I'm shocked I never ran into you. But where did you just find? I wasn't. It took me a while to get out an open mic.

I think it took like maybe a year and a half. I got out of the New York Comedy Club a little bit and the comic strip and Stand Up New York. I love those three places. Yeah, only one of them is around right now. I know. No, but the thing is with the comic strip, it's crazy because the comic strip used to be what the cellar was 25 years ago. Yeah, that was the scene, the comic strip. And now, well,

I heard they might be going out of business, but they survived. I know because it, but the thing is like, you know, I remember going in early nineties when I was in the comic, just going on a Monday night to hang out and you would see people like Sandler coming out and do stuff. Yeah. That was the place to be. Absolutely. And, and, but And, you know, I was talking to Allie the other day,

who's on the show. I love Allie. Yeah, she's great. She's a great, funny girl and a good friend to us. And the thing is, it's sad now, because, you know why? I mean, I had Orn and Draco's talent a little bit, but the thing is, like, okay, when I first

met you, when we first started coming early 90s, right? If you killed the comic strip, people like Dave Beck, you'd be all over you when you probably go to L.A. and do stuff. Yeah. What about now? If you kill it, don't matter anymore. Now, don't mean anything. Yeah, that's true. Because you know what? There's nobody there. First you're watching there's nobody there first of all there's nobody there of that caliber to see us anymore they're not coming there anymore because right now they're looking for tick-tock people what's tick-tock people you know like people have

like even like you know on the internet like people have like high like you know fans and followers like on on twitter like you know or instagram or you know you know it's a numbers high fans and followers on Twitter or Instagram. It's a numbers game now. Describe TikTok. It's kind of weird. You have up to three minutes to do anything you want to do. It's kind of crazy. You've got people

doing all kinds of psycho stuff on there. I don't know how regulated it is, but I've seen some weird stuff. I think it's a couple years old. I i don't know how regulated it is but i've seen some weird stuff and some you know but it's it's something i think it's a couple years old i really don't know but i got on there because i heard we have a young fan base a couple of people told me to tell you what do you call it uh that we do have a young fan base young oh you know who sent me a text he told me to say hi to you benza aj oh yeah aj yeah absolutely he told

me to tell you hi and tell you he he has you back if you need he said you know he thought he sent me a um uh instagram message it was a few days ago i forgot to tell you i always relay messages to people because some people hold things back i never hold hold anything back. No, you don't, Mike. And that's what I love. Unless it's really bad. Unless it's really bad. Okay. So you're only... The thing is, right, I'm surprised I didn't remember any of Jimmy either in the early 90s.

Jimmy who? Colombo. Oh, yeah. Well, me and Jimmy were doing the same thing, the same clubs. You know what? But the thing is, like, Caroline's was around then, but I think they might have been by the seaport. Oh, no, wait a minute. They were at Broadway by the early 90s. Yeah, they were at the seaport before that. She originally was on like 28th Street, I think, and like 8th Avenue.

Originally, that's where she was. Yep. That's where Catch a Rising Star went for a short time. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I never met him, but he was really cool to me online. He became a friend of Rick Newman. I never got to meet him in person, but I'm a friend of his on Instagram.

I did. He's great. He loves comedy, though. He really does. Well, yeah, he owned an influential club Absolutely, and he was a great guy to me Did you ever meet any LA owners like Mitzi, I never met her I never met Bud Friedman or Jamie

None of them I met Mitzi Shore once Bud Friedman once A lot of ones and out I met Oh what I was going to tell you was You know what I love to start doing again I used to be good at rowboating

What boating? Rowboats Rowboats? Yeah they were awesome Where did that come from? I just thought of it now, I didn't have anything to say So I figured, let me go deep down And brain them on you

And try to pull something out And out came a rowboat Out came a rowboat, actually, it was a motorboat Listen, Mike, I love you, buddy Thank you, Artie, it was so much fun Doing a promo, I had great fun. If you need me to do them again, let me know because they were awesome. I feel like it was incredible.

We're going to need your voice, absolutely, for a bunch of things. You just stay tight, buddy. Thank you, Art. People have been asking me about doing the weather again, but it's not easy to do because we don't have the means. I mean, not the means, I mean by like, you know, a camera crew like we did at DirecTV. It's a lot harder.

We don't have the setup we had over there at DirecTV, but we can figure it out. Ask him, but you know what? If you're going to do it, you got to do it right. You can't do it like half-assed. I think that's exactly the way we did it half-assed is what was good about it. No, but it was half-assed. I think that's exactly the way we did it half-assed is what was good about it. No, but it was half-assed.

The thing is, Art, we had a crew of cameras that had high-end cameras. No, I know. You're right. Absolutely. What, am I going to tape it in my bathroom with a cell phone in the middle of the night? Yeah, why not? Actually, that sounds fun to me.

Well, I know the fans would love to go off on me with it, but anyway, Artie, thank you. This episode of Artie Lang's Handbook House is sponsored by Blue Chew. Get more confidence in the bedroom. Blue Chew's tablets offer the same active ingredients as Viagra and Cialis, but in a chewable form. If you don't like swollen pills, then this is for you. It works fast. Take it day or night.

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or hit the Join button on Artie's YouTube page. Hey, what's up, Artie Lang's Halfway House? My guest is the great Jim Gaffigan, stand-up comedy legend, and a good man. What's up? What's up, Jim? Well, thanks for having me, Artie. I don't know about a good man, but a man.

A man with five kids, right? I know. There's too many of them. How much your oldest kid? How old? She's 17. Oh, my God. It's insane.

Yeah, that is. It's just the blink of an eye. Right. So it's. But it's pretty crazy. It's like, you know, the weird thing is, I would I didn't realize I would be this bad at parenting. It's really hard. I'm sure it is, man. It's like you think that like, oh, well, I'll do better than my parents. And now it's like now I kind of look at my dad's performance and I'm like, well, hopefully I could do as well as he did. Well, I think for a man, especially having a girl, you know, once a little girl hits like 14 as a man, what the you know what to say to them at all. It's like you think everything's gonna be the wrong thing, you know? Yeah, no, it's crazy. And there's also, it's a very, I think it's hard to be a girl with Instagram and all this crap. Yeah.

We had it very easy, you know? I agree with you. There's no pressure. I mean, Instagram, everybody's like a movie star. They all have to have an image. And what they relay online is a specific thing. They write stuff for themselves. It's nuts.

Yeah, it's nuts. And it's weird because as performers, obviously, we can't act like we're not seeking attention. Absolutely. We're weirdos. But I think that, you know, it used to be just, you know, people that got that buzz. You know, we got the buzz from going on stage, but I think now they get the buzz from seeing people's reaction to photos and stuff like that. So that's harsh. Yeah. Like just how many likes you could have.

And I think I agree with you that for a young comic, it's more pressure because, you know, someone just has to be in the audience and sees your act and likes it or doesn't like it and post something about it that could go crazy. And you got to have such a thick skin, man. It's nuts. Yeah, it's bananas. Like to think that like people were much more allowed to be horrible. Yeah.

A greater give because no one was keeping track of it. Right. Like, eventually, we're not going to have anyone that's going to be able to run for office because everyone has done something they're not proud of. They've gotten something wrong. Obama was going nuts on the blackface thing, and then he recommended everyone vote for, what's his face, the guy up in Canada. And it turns out that guy had done blackface. Yeah. He thought something was wrong. It's, you know, I think it's also weird.

It's just on this, it's eventually we're realizing, like I remember when i was like a teenager right i had this guy that my dad worked with this woman and this guy uh her husband was this real character and he used to say all politicians are scumbags right they're all scumbags and i'm like all of them and he goes every single one of them and i'm like and i remember like being this naive kid and thinking well like he's just he's just a curmudgeon right getting to the point where i mean look we even knew that like you know even when barack obama talked you knew he was being a politician but it's getting to the point where everyone is just revealed to be kind of a you know some level of a dirtbag you know i mean and it's like it's one of those things like even

just like there's some conspiracy stuff that that's coming up to be true and you're just like that's coming up to be true. And you're just like, that's not helping. You know what I mean? Exactly. It's not helping because I don't know, we live in such a weird age where like people were, you know, all these QAnon people are like, you guys are going to see, Hillary Clinton's going to be arrested tomorrow. And then people were like, that's crazy. And then the other side was like,

you guys are going to see once Biden is elect in the office, Trump's going to be elected and Trump's going to be arrested. And none of it happened. It's just different levels of delusion on both sides. You keep waiting for it. And Trump, you talk about being able to get, you know, a politician that never has anything for them or against them in their past. He's got to be the only guy. Could you imagine like in 1984, some guy being on tape saying, you know, women like when rich guys grab their pussies and he gets elected? pussies and he gets elected yeah he gets elected and he also he's not even losing any of like he is like beyond teflon right right now and and by the way the people that love them really do they're not like they're not you know oh you, it's the alternative. It's like these people really are like, yeah, the guy who said grab him by the pussy, that's my guy.

It's like as a comedian, you're like, that guy is funny to chat with after a show, but you don't want him running the country. Yeah, you don't want him dating your daughter. Yeah. Well, that's amazing. So your oldest daughter is 17 but she's probably getting ready to go to college now right yes yeah yeah it's uh it's it's just so weird because it's like you know in a way it's like people that work in uh the entertainment industry we know i mean well all adults know that there's, you know, you can

be very successful and very happy and never go to college. Right. You know what I mean? And then as a parent, you're like, you want to encourage them to do that. But in some ways, it's like, I don't want to be that dishonest. Yeah. I mean, if I, I feel like the advantage I had in going to college is that it probably kept me out of trouble for another four years. Right. Right. Well, that helps. I mean, you know, and I know you played football, too, in college. Yeah, kind of. Yeah. I mean, I mean, I walked on at Purdue. That's pretty amazing. Yeah. I mean, but, you know, they'll let anyone walk on. You know what I mean?

They will? I was like, you know what? I almost started. You know, it was like, and then I played at Georgetown, which was Division III. But I, you know, like, so did you play football? You did, right? I played football in high school a little bit, yeah. And so it's like in college, I remember my,

I think it was my junior year when I quit, there was like, it's, it's, you know, in college, there's like all these, and my brother played and all this, it's like, all people did was complain because it was just like, you know, at least in high school, you're just kind of following orders. But in college, people were like, wait, why are, you know, we would have these two a day practices and just see kids coming from parties. You know,

like we do walking to practice in the morning and people would be coming back from parties. And I was like, what are we doing? What a waste of time. It's just insane. I mean, obviously, but I think when you're like a teenager, you do things out of habit. You're like, this is what I do. I play football. What position do you play? I played center. And then in high school, I was like a defensive end.

Oh, really? Okay. That's going both ways. That's pretty good, man. Yeah. So now what brings you to stand-up? You go to New York, you say, in 1990 to do stand-up? Now, how does that come about in all this football and everything else?

How does stand-up comedy come into your life? Well, it's kind of something i always wanted to do right but i grew up in a small town um no one was in the entertainment industry i was in the midwest you know because i feel like people on the east coast at least new york city was right there. Right. Now that, that's how I was. Yeah. The New York city was just 10 miles away. And so, you know, for me, you know, there was no one in the entertainment industry, no one, um, like the closest thing was the marching band, you know, it wasn't, it wasn't a realistic thing i didn't know i didn't even know any newscasters you know what i mean or you know i mean like there were no journalists it was just

not a realistic uh pursuit and so um i kind of described it as know, it was just like one of those, you know, dreams or thoughts you had. And I was also raised like my father was the first one to go to college. So pursuing a career that where you were a tie was was important. You know, that was like security. And so it was kind of really something that wasn't encouraged. And, you know, no one I mean, I knew no one, you know, I mean, I'm my I'm one of four boys and they were all funny. I was so bad at my financial litigation consulting job that I was looking for something else. But I always wanted to be a comedian.

Like, did you when you were a teenager, did you want to be a comedian? Yeah, I did. Yeah, I did. You were just like, I'm going to do this. Right. And for me, it was a lot easier of a call. Like you say, I grew up just like seven to ten miles away from New York, away from the Holland Tunnel. And that makes it a lot easier than people who have to move. I got a lot of respect for you from coming from Indiana. You go from Indiana right to New York City. Well, I went from Indiana.

I was in Florida with this litigation and consulting. OK. litigation and consulting. Oh, okay. And then, um, uh, knew that, like, I didn't even know necessarily that I was, uh, I also always wanted to live in New York. So I moved to New York and I worked in advertising and, um, yeah. So like I, I started, like, I had this huge fear of public speaking. So when I was working, which is pretty important and obviously pretty important in standup. So I, I took like some improv classes and then I always wanted to do standup and, and someone was going to do a standup seminar, a class thing. And so I was kind of dared into it, but I always wanted to do it. Yeah, but you got it.

So that's one thing, wanting to do it, and then you become a great writer of stand-up comedy. How do you find out when you know how to do that? Like, you know, how many times does it take for you to say, hey, I got something here? I think, I mean, I think that, you know, stand-up comedy is such a, you know, it's so accepted by kind of like the entertainment norms. But like back when we were starting, it was really kind of the it was not a practical pursuit. No, it was it was really, you know, they kind of had these 80s comics that, you know, it was kind of a joke on The Simpsons stand of comedy.

So, like, if you wanted to be a comedian, there was no guarantee that you were going to make a living. be a comedian, there was no guarantee that you were going to make a living at it. It was just like, you're just weird and you want to go on stage. And so once I kind of made that decision of like, all right, I'm just going to at least I'm going to enjoy what I do. That was and then, you know, the rest of it was just finding my way. I mean, that's there's really no path. It's weird. You must get questions from people like, what do I do?

And you're like, I don't know what I did. Yeah, I don't remember it. I could tell you how to get out of stand up comedy. I don't do that. There's a couple of ripcords you could pull for that one. Well, it's also like the different the the the environment changes so dramatically like what worked in like the year 2000 doesn't even exist at this point right yeah and then like you know satellite radio when and and youtube when we started didn't exist

right yeah yeah they you don't hear a lot of comedians saying anybody here got a vcr anymore And YouTube, when we started, didn't exist. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You don't hear a lot of comedians saying, hey, anybody here got a VCR anymore? Yeah. And, you know, and the high tech level of like, well, I'm sure you were clean, so you probably never had a problem with this. But, you know, well, maybe you did. Did you ever have any problem with something you posted on the Internet? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Maybe you did. Did you ever have any problem with something you posted on the Internet? Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, there's. You know, there's a really funny story that I think that you'd enjoy, which kind of. So I did this. I did this thing where I was nominated for a Grammy. thing where I was nominated for a Grammy. And so it's like, you know, for the Dave Chappelle Award, they should just rename it the Dave Chappelle Award. Right. And so I was and, you know, like I was in L.A., I was going to present. And like when you do the red carpet, I don't know if did you ever do red carpet stuff or did because I didn't even realize you could say, no, I'm not going to do it. Yeah.

Did you enjoy doing that? It was, it's pretty awkward. No, it's insanely awkward. I have a lot of respect for people who are good at it. No, I did some briefly for stuff. Like for the Stern show, we'd have events and stuff like that. And then, you know, a couple of movie premieres, movies I was in in but nothing really uh and one of the roasts the comedy central roast that used to make you do it yeah and i agree with you it's awkward as hell it's it's weird really it's just

it's you know it's just completely fake it's the antithesis of reality right and so like when i walk a red carpet they never ask me what am i wearing they're kind of like they always ask why are you here you know what i mean what are you doing and so like even like when you go down that line where the photographers take photos there's always like i always seem to get the photographers that are just looking at their cameras they're like you know what I don't want to burn out my car. And so I was interviewed by this Grammy dot com. And they said, and they're like, why are you here?

And I was like, well, I'm here for best female vocalist. You know, I try to make it funny. Yeah, right. And they jokingly, this is this is by the way this is back in february 2020 back when we thought a global pandemic wouldn't affect the united states you know back in february 2020 we used to look at like china and be like oh poor china i'm glad we're not part of the same world as that right you know and and so they were like oh here and so someone joked around part of the same world as that. Right. You know? And, and so they were like, Oh, here.

And so someone joked around one of the, the interviewers and they handed me a bottle of water and they're like, here's your trophy. And I was like, I don't want that. That's Bill was a Corona virus. And you know, that's,

you know, not funny now, but back then it wasn't funny either, but it was just a stupid thing to say. Yeah. But it's just topical. Yeah. It was, it was, but back then when we thought, Oh yeah, the coronavirus it'll be gone in a week. Right.

And so then I go in to the Grammy awards. I, they want me to introduce Kamiya Cabello, who I'm sure I'm mispronouncing that. So I introduced her, I get off stage, my manager's like, you butchered her name. And I'm like, well, I'm sure no one noticed. So then I'm driving back to the hotel and the Twitter, it's just furious. People are just furious, you know, like Budo, you know, I hate you, you know, all this stuff.

And so then I shut my phone and I i and i got to the hotel and i'm sitting in bed and i realized there's hundreds it's it's like a thousand negative tweets right it's insane and then one of them was um and then i started seeing bts coming up And I'm like, BTS? Is Kamiya Cabello in BTS? And then I realized that someone, you know, my bad coronavirus joke that I had done, someone said that I had said something about BTS and the coronavirus, which I didn't. And then people online were kind of defending me. He's allowed to say whatever he wants. And I'm like, I didn't say anything. And so then I call my manager.

I'm like, what am I supposed to do? And he's like, you can't do anything because if you feed it, it will grow. There's literally nothing you can do. And I was just like, and so then the next day, Trump probably said something and they just moved on. But like, I didn't even say anything about BTS. And that BTS army is no joke. Yeah, well, I get death threats on Twitter sometimes. Oh, yeah, I've definitely.

I remember one time there was a story in my hometown where a local guy was a Holocaust survivor. And he was also the most requested plumber in the history of New Jersey. And I tweeted out, he's the only guy to make both Schindler's and Angie's list. And just, just, you know, total joke.

And he, uh, just mentioning Schindler's list in the tweet, forget about it. I got death threats. And so when you get, He just mentioning Schindler's List in a tweet. Forget about it. I got death threats. And so when you get these threats, I mean, I'm not somebody who like, I don't, like, it kind of shakes you.

Or do you not care? No, I pretend not to care, but I care. You know, I care a lot about it. Yeah. It's crazy. You, so you got a new special coming out. Yeah. How many specials have you done? This is my ninth.

Wow. That's a lot of writing, my man. It's good. Good for you. Oh, thanks. Yeah, it is. You know, it's all self-assignment you know and you know i got five kids but i also really enjoy it it's the one thing in the entertainment industry that you can kind of control right you know um and so it is great to just be able to, you know, I mean, I don't know.

I love acting, but it's just so weird. You know, like the pursuit of acting, I describe it as, you know, auditioning is kind of like stripping, but you don't get a dollar. And then, but with stand up, you can go on stage. You can usually find a room and you can try out material. And it's just, there's no comparison to standup. It's just, it's so, it's so kind of like fulfilling. So you and Letterman had a unique sort of bonding thing where you're both from Indiana and you went on that show and you did very well and you had a deal with him right yeah yeah it was crazy i had uh i was

i feel like i was the last of my generation of new york comedians to ever get a late night spot and i got uh letterman which is like being from Indiana was even more important. Right. Absolutely. And then afterwards, they were like, they want to talk to you. It was Rob Burnett, Letterman's executive producer. And I thought they were going to hopefully ask me to write because that's what that was one of. That was the goal I wanted when i started was like maybe i could write for letterman really and yeah i mean that was that was a pretty high status job

that was a cool job it was and um what then they were like we want to develop a show and i was like that's amazing and so um yeah you know that's what's so weird but like you know that happens once during 40 years in the business yeah but that that that deal led to is that what led to welcome to new york yeah yeah it did and that's the show that actually got on the air yeah it did i mean that was like a different, a different time. You know, that was, it's crazy to think of like, like I was just telling, so it's crazy that there's shows now, you see commercials for shows and you're like,

I've never even heard of that show. It's like, forget about not seeing an episode of, they're like season six of Dunbar's Escape. And It's like, forget about not seeing an episode of season six of Dunbar's Escape, and you're like, well, I didn't even know that show existed. And it's not like I don't watch TV. I watch TV a lot. Right.

Yeah, you know, there's so many different channels nowadays that could have original, now you've got Apple TV coming in, they're doing all this stuff. They treat them like movie studios. But you to come in, I mean, you said there was a different time, but last week was a different time. Like stuff actually moves that quickly. And, you know, you feel trapped by it.

I think they should take all the streaming services and bundle them together and call them cable TV. Yeah, that's basically what it is. So, you know, so now you got this special coming out. What kind of acting have you been doing? Anything? Well, you know, I was in, you know, I mainly do like indie movies but i really enjoy it you know

it's it's it's fun to kind of tie up into a character i did i shot earlier this year i shot um peter pan they're doing a live action version of Peter Pan. Wow. I'm playing Wendy. No, I'm playing Smee, who's you know, Captain Hook's assistant. Oh, okay. So, essentially another dumb guy. You know, it's like the dumb

guy role. I get a lot of the dumb guys. Who plays Captain Hook? Jude Law. Oh, okay. Now, what's that like with an actor of that status and you're coming in, you know, with your stand-up career and you deal with Jude Law? What was he like? He was nice. the value of you know you know the fame

is a weird thing because it's like it's the value of fame is so that when not necessarily fame or or kind of recognition a reputation yeah I was just thinking

like yeah I was just thinking you know like if i had you know i've done a fair amount of acting but i'm known as a comedian but if i had some recognition as an actor right it would just be different you know i mean and so i mean i have had some but like you know to a guy who lives in england he was kind of like who is this guy and eventually we became friends but it was just like i was like shit this guy thinks i've never acted in anything right i mean you know it's weird how um you know as comedians we kind of there is that bucket that you live in. And understandably, because a lot of comedians don't care about acting. You know what I mean?

Right. Yeah. A lot of comedians get a deal just to get the money. Yeah. And that's all it is. But, you know, I think that wanting that respect,

it's amazing how much more standup is respected nowadays. Like you said before, with the eighties guys, I think that a guy like Jude Law might even be a little intimidated by a great stand-up comic coming in to do a role with them but uh yeah i mean i would say also and i don't know if this is true for you it's like i love acting i love actors you know, there's an authenticity to comedians that you don't find in other aspects of the entertainment industry. No. You know, you work with a

comedian for two days in a row there'll be uh you know there'll be a mutual respect even if they don't like your act you know what i mean it's like and that's not you know like the rest of the entertainment industry is so caught up in hierarchy it's really weird yeah i know well it's the authenticity like you say the honesty that that is there uh isn't anywhere else like comedians will just like you know a good comic will just rail against you to your face and uh a lot of acting is saying fuck you while they're smiling at you yeah um but so you had your own show though which i was lucky to be on a couple of times and uh what was that like what was that like like doing your own show with kids with your own kid right your kid my my kids did the pilot yeah

or one of the pilots yeah it's you know i mean the thing about i mean it was rewarding and it was you know the the tv show thing was um it was fun but it's a a lot of work like i much prefer because you know being an executive producer and all that stuff, having your hands and everything. I wrote all the episodes with my wife. My wife was the showrunner. Right. It's just like, it's too much. I mean, it was way too much given that we had young children at the time. But even if I was this single guy, it's like I don't want that much responsibility. Right. That's a lot. It's a lot to do. Yeah. And it's like I think as a comedian, I love the authority over everything.

But it's not like you're not in charge of 150 people. I mean, like I don't understand what's so appealing about it. And that's why I love, you know, acting being the hired gun is that, you know, you focus on your stuff, but you can also, I mean, I think it's really valuable that I had that experience so that when I do get on a project, I can understand how to be a good soldier for the director or the writer or the producer, just because that's what was weird. Also is that like, you know, we take, I mean, I love comedians, but we take for granted that they know what they're doing. Right.

You're like, you're like a really, you know, you'll look at these people and you're like, you're a really funny person. You're going to play yourself. You're going to say this. And they're like, they can't do it. You're like, what do you mean you can't do it? And you're like, they're like, I didn't write it. So I can't do it. And it's, it's very strange. Like we had that problem in this movie I did with Norm Macdonald, dirty work. They, uh, Don Rickles was in a scene.

And they tried to write insults for Rickles to say, and he could never remember it. He could never do it. He just had insult me and Norm, who were like, you know, these idiots who worked in a movie theater. He played our boss. And so we realized that writing insults for Don Rickles is just useless. He said, well, you know, what if I just look at them and insult them? We said, great, that's fine. And he excelled at that incredibly.

But you couldn't write anything for him. Wow, that's really interesting. Yeah. Yeah. So now what as far as your family and everything, your wife doing good? She is. That's good. I'm everything, your wife doing good? She is. That's good. I'm glad to hear that.

Yeah. She did. She was very hands-on. I mean, I realize you two also ran the show together, and she was very on top of things, man. I remember one time you just had to stay back, and she would give notes and everything, and she was really good at it. Yeah. No, she's all over it. And, and, you know, it's weird because it was one of those things where it's unfortunate because

it was like, we kind of had to stop doing it because we did have five kids and it was just, you know, 18 hours a day. Can I just tell you as someone with no kids and no responsibility at all, plus trying to work a career, I have I can't believe you did that for as long as you did with five kids. And my wife is tireless. But, you know, you know, and she is kind of one of those people that, you know, bounds out of bed. But, you know, I think a lot of comedians.

Or at least me, I'm kind of like. a lot of comedians or at least me i'm kind of like i you know i i can conserve my energy and i can give you a three good hours and so like if i'm acting in something i'm fine but if i'm kind of like i have to you know do a casting session and i have to also do uh you know pick out wardrobe i'm like it's just too much. Yeah, you know, and you end up answering questions like, what kind of shoes do you want to wear in this scene? Like, I don't care. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

So you have a business relationship with Netflix now. That's where the special's coming out. Yeah. Is that the first time you did work with Netflix or no? the specials coming out. Yeah. What, what, what, is that the first time you did work with Netflix or no? No, no, I did. So I did a special Cinco a couple of years ago. And, but I had had, you know,

like I have five, five five or i don't know five specials on there maybe oh okay and and then you know as it all changes right the the industry i was um approached by Amazon to do a special. And then I did. So I think I did one. I can't even remember. I did two with Amazon. Maybe the third one. I don't know what the third one was.

And so, like, it's ever-changing. But, like, in our lifetime, you know, just seeing the trajectory of Netflix. And so essentially I'm excited to go back to the, you know, have another Netflix special, but cause you know, there's just, you know, people will see it. And there's other platforms that have offered, but it's weird because you want to, you know, you want people to see the material.

I mean, there's like you want to get a nice check, but you also want people to see the material. Right. Sure. And so but Netflix is just this monolith that, you know, they own the market, really. And they understand comedy. Yeah, absolutely. And how often do you, you know, it's funny, you mentioned people like, uh, you know, older comics are older than us, like Seinfeld, Jerry, Jay Leno. I remember I saw Jay Leno do the same hour in 1987 as he did in 1991. I went to two special tapinging not special tapings but just

like shows of his and he didn't change the material in four years and he's one of those guys who never did a special he just uh because he was afraid to burn the material you're the direct opposite how often do you write i'm you know when i'm'm touring, I'm, I'm writing on stage, not writing on stage, but you had an idea, but during the lockdown portion of the pandemic, I didn't really write that much standup just because I didn't have, like, I need to be performing to write, but yeah, no, I, but it's changed a lot. Right. So the, the,

the stand-up, it used to be somebody would do, with the exception of Carlin, you know, someone would do maybe one or two specials in their life, right? Right. And so, like, almost in defense of Jay, it's like, yeah, you know, like, it probably didn't make sense. But, like, Jay also should have just kept writing. You know what I mean? Right. Yeah.

And so he could have, but it changed so dramatically. Like Dennis Leary only did like two specials, you know, like a lot of comedians only did one or two. You know what I mean? And so for me, it's, I see it as all self-assignment and uh like even my last special which was the pale tourist i did it where i was gonna go to different countries and uh i was gonna over the course of a week i was gonna develop material right so i did and i'd been to spain a couple of times so i did like 20 minutes on spain and we've all couple of times. So I did like 20 minutes on Spain and we've all been to Canada.

So I did like 30 minutes on just on Canada. And then I did a bunch of material on Asia. So it was like, that's what the pale tourist was. It's all self assignment. Right. Right. So that's some of the, the, the comedy special stuff is, you know, like there's but you also don't want to get stale with the material, I think. No, I don't think so either. But, you know, Seinfeld thinks I'm crazy. He's like, why?

Why? You know, what are you doing? I don't know. I don't know. I'm just trying to work. Yeah. Who are your standup influences? I would say that Letterman was a huge influence, you know,

growing up in Indiana. I mean, he was, but I liked the, the way he could be funny, sarcastic, self-effacing. I like the silliness of Bill Murray. But I would also, you know, I think Seinfeld was an influence. You know, Seinfeld and Carlin, just with the efficiency of the writing., the, the writing. But I think also, you know, big influence on me was Dave Attell. Like I remember sitting in the cellar every night, you know, and watching Dave Attell just come up with material that,

that he would do once or twice. And you're like, you know what, if you're not going to use that, you know, he would do once or twice and you're like you know what if you're not going to use that just this prolific um machine and so yeah there were a lot of influences right so like who were your big influences i definitely say uh carl and richard pryor you know, because he did. He was so honest about stuff in his personal life. That's what appealed to me. And, you know, like Sam Kinison and stuff like that. More the dirty guys.

But, you know, where are you? Where are you living now? Where you live? I live in New York City city i mean i'm traveling a fair amount it's uh starting up you know but uh yeah so it's i mean i love the fact that i can do a show every night you know it's um it's just like I go to Gotham a lot, and it's just good to get out of the house. You know what I mean?

You at the Cellar these days? You know, the Cellar, it's kind of like, you know, I would say, I was talking to Todd Perry about this. It's like the Cellar, like 20, 25 years ago, they would sometimes give me spots and sometimes not give me spots. And I was like, I don't want my day ruined by whether I get spots from the cellar. Right. So I'm just not going to put in there. Oh, yeah.

It's like all I care about is the stage time. I mean, obviously the comedy sellers, a great club and it's probably the most important club in New York. But like, for me, it's just like getting stage time. I don't really, I just want to get up. I don't want to have to, but you know, like there is part of me that kind of wishes that I, you know, been doing the cellar more. Yeah, it's weird.

The cellar definitely is one of the most influential clubs in the country. You know, how often do you get out to L.A.? Not that much. You know, like I, you know, it's weird because I used to when I worked on a couple of shows and I used to go off pilot season and stuff like that. But I kind of view it as now I rarely go, you know, like if I have a job, like I'm going to go there next week for a week to work on an indie. But like not that much, you know, like it's definitely obviously it's the entertainment capital of the U.S. and the world and everything. But it's weird. I also sometimes think like, should I have moved there? But like to me, it just felt like too much entertainment.

Like I like having friends that are like not in the entertainment industry. That's not possible out there. Absolutely not. Yeah. It's just like you, you know, you pump gas and you, your self-esteem is destroyed. You know what I mean? It's just like, I just, you know, I mean mean it's a great place but i'm like it's not for me so i made a kind of a decision not to go that route um but you know like there there is some acting opportunities that i probably missed you know do you still have all your family back home in indiana my brother lives in my hometown. And, but, you know,

I've got like three brothers and two sisters and they're pretty much in Chicago and got a brother in Florida and a sister in Arizona. But yeah, so it's, it's pretty much, but like I've got a sister and a brother in chicago and so it's like it is chicagoland mainly right what uh so did you consider going to chicago to get your start you know i i really you know it's weird because i never really at that time chicago was and there's great chicago comedians obviously but at that time in the early 90s it was considered much more of a sketch city you know like that was where you would go

for um if you wanted to be a sketch performer yeah like second city and improv olympic on stuff yeah so i um but again i picked the location of where i lived for um for you know to work you know i got a job in advertising but i also i think growing up uh like new york seeing new york city and television shows that was the place i wanted to live i mean i also love Chicago, but I, you know, I grew up 45 minutes outside of it, but it was also no one. I think maybe the fact that no one was that I knew was in New York had some appeal. Right. Yeah. And that makes sense. And, you know, you get here and you just start rolling. Well, I got to tell you, Jim, I'm a fan.

I'll always be a fan. You're a good guy, man. You've always been nice to me. And I appreciate you coming on. Well, thanks so much for having me. Appreciate it. Yeah, no problem. So once again, the special is Netflix Comedy Monster.

Yeah, it's called Comedy Monster. Yeah. And when does that start streaming or whatever they say? December 21st. Oh, okay, so Christmas time. And I'm glad your wife is doing good. My best to her, man.

Thank you. Appreciate it. And the 17-year-old daughter, I hope she picks a good college. And an inexpensive one. Yeah, that's right. Alright, thanks, Jimmy. Thanks, buddy. Take care. That's right. All right. Thanks, Jimmy. Thanks, buddy. Take care.

Bye-bye. And thanks for listening to the Audie Lang's Halfway House. Make sure to go to patreon.com slash Audie Lang to get the exclusive Thursday episode. Make sure to share this episode with everyone you know. As Audie says, take care, Brush your hair. We'll be right back. Thank you. Bye.