Artie Lange's Podcast Channel - 42 - KURT METZGER

Episode Date: January 3, 2022

Artie and Mike Bocchetti kick off 2022 with comedian, actor, and podcaster Kurt Metzger. Support Artie's sponsors… FanDuel Sportsbook - download the app and use code ARTIE to get your first bet risk-free up to $1000 Fum - go to breathefum.com/ARTIE and use code ARTIE for 10% off your entire order  Sheath - go to sheathunderwear.com and use code ARTIE for 20% off  Support Artie by joining at Patreon.com/ArtieLange or by clicking the JOIN button on his YouTube page. You'll get access to the exclusive Thursday episodes and nearly 400 Artie Quitter podcast episodes. Patreon supporters at the "Artie Insider" level will get access to Artie's voicemail line to leave a message to be addressed on a future show. To join this channel on YouTube to get access to an extra episode every week and the archives visit Artie Lange's YouTube channel.

Hey, what's up? And here with me now is the great Mike Bocchetti to tune in and check in. Mike, what's up, buddy? Hey, Artie. What's going on? We were just talking about silent movies and the Little Rascals You know so much about that, huh? I know various things, usually trivial stuff

But I like history You like history because it already happened, right? Yeah, but you know what? A lot of things are happening now that are kind of weird That are great, though Like what? A lot of things are happening now that are kind of weird that are great, though. Like what? I'm really excited. Gil Hodges finally made it into the Hall of Fame.

Gil Hodges, were you a big Met fan? Yeah. Yeah, he was a manager of the 69 Mets and a Brooklyn Dodger first baseman. He should have been in years ago. Yeah, I thought he was, actually. No. Some reason about managers, I don't know, maybe he gets Yeah, but the thing is, you said this a while ago It's not a

You know, place for heroes Some people have a check And pass in the whole thing Yeah, that's true What's his name Ty Cobb, I heard this was pretty racist I think you I don't really know

No he was I think I think he'd be the first one To tell you that too Unfortunately But Ty Cobb was a racist bastard Absolutely And what do you call it

Pete Rose You know what I don't know if I ever get it That's a shame Pete Rose deserves to be in the Hall of Fame. Right? Don't you think so? Well, I don't know, because first of all,

those guys from the White Sox scandal from 1919, right? Right. That Arnold Rothstein helped fix the World Series. Any of that meant? No, I don't think so. No, right? No, I don't think so. No, right?

No, I don't think so. But Pete Rose, aside from what he did with Gale, he should never be allowed to manage another game. He should never be allowed back in the game as a manager or as a coach at all. But as far as the Hall of Fame, I mean, you know, come on. Was he betting against his team? Well, they didn't release the whole report, mean, you know, come on. Was he betting against his team? Well,

they didn't release the whole report, but, you know, odds are he was. I don't know. That sucked. Yeah, but you know what? The thing is, who knows if some of those other guys didn't have

Hall of Fame? We don't know anything about them. Well, look at Babe Ruth. Babe Ruth was a whoremongering alcoholic. But gambling is the one vice that they can't really have happen because it could ruin the game. People are throwing games. Even if Pete Rose bet on his team to win, he would use pitchers differently.

If he had needed to win to win some money, he would, you know, throw out a pitcher's arm and, you know, use the bullpen differently. It's weird. Well, the thing is, if those guys from 1919, you know, it's a different story then because all the rush teams involved, you know, the Chicago Bob is definitely involved in those days. Those guys were probably scared if they didn't give in, what would happen to them.

Yeah, well, Shoeless Joe Jackson was a guy who, some people said he was the best hair they ever saw. And he was a guy that really got screwed over in that. I heard he was illiterate. He couldn't even write his own name. Yeah, he was not the smartest guy on the planet, but he could hit the fuck out of a baseball. Oh, who cares about that?

I mean, you know what? He's genius in one area, because you know what else is going on? They just remade West Side Story. Yeah, I know. What about that? Did you get an audition to play Tony? I was going to audition for three different roles I would love to audition for. Officer Krumke.

Officer Krumke, yeah. Riff. Riff. Riff or Biff? It's 60 years later, right? Riff or Biff? Riff. Oh, Riff. Riff or Biff? It's 60 years later, right? Riff or Biff? Riff. Oh, Riff.

Okay. Oh, you know who else should have came back? John Astin was in that movie. Who's that? Fermi Adamson. He was in that movie? He said he plays a gym teacher in a dance. Oh, he does?

Really? That's him. He's probably about teacher in the dance. Oh, he does? Really? That's him. He's probably about 30 years old then. John Astin, the Addams Family, was in West Side Story as the teacher in the dance. Oh, okay. But you know what, though? He married Patty Duke a long time ago.

Well, it would have to be a long time ago. They're both dead, I think, right? No, he's probably early 90s, but she died long time ago. Well, it would have to be a long time ago. They're both dead, I think, right? No, he's probably early 90s, but she died a while ago. He's still alive? Yeah, he's like in his early 90s now. Oh, Jesus. You know a lot about this stuff.

Yeah, I like different things. I mean, I'm diverse. Yeah, you're diverse, but you don't know a lot about sports. Up until about the early 70s, maybe. Did you follow with, like, were you a baseball card holder? Yeah, these were my teams in the early 70s until, like, 1973. Jets, Mets, Rangers, and Knicks, all losers.

Well, the early 70s, the Knicks won twice. Yeah, but that's horrible now for forever. Yeah, but still, they won it twice in the early 70s. 70 and 73, I think. Yeah, 73, I was there. At one of the games, it was awesome because how much, like, you can't even buy tickets for a basketball game now. I doubt it, right?

No, it's expensive. Probably one of the most expensive sports there is, right? Yeah, because there's limited seating. It's not a stadium. And the Mets won in 69 and were in the World Series in 73. Oh, yeah. They lost to the A's. How long has Thurman Monson been in the Hall of Fame?

Right away after he passed away, you think? Who? Thurman Monson. Thurman Monson's not in the Hall of Fame. He's not? No. Why? As a big fan of Thurman's, I'd love to see him in the Hall of Fame, but I don't think he is. He's not, no. That's insane. Why? As a big fan of Thurman's, I'd love to see him in a Hall of Fame,

but I don't think he is. He's not, no. That's insane. Why? He should have been in a Hall of Fame since 1980. Well, he only played for nine years, really. From 70 to 79, he only played about nine years. So they say he didn't have enough of a time in the major leagues to do it.

Unbelievable. Look who he was in the mid. Yeah, no kidding. So how are you doing, buddy? I don't know how much the sports writers have to vote on these things, don't they? Yeah, it's all sports writers. That probably can't even play wiffle ball.

Yeah, no, it's all sports writers. That probably can't even play wiffle ball. Yeah, no, it's a tough gig. Yeah, but the thing is, they have a lot of clout, and they don't even play. Yeah, no, they got all the clout in the world for that, because they just go with the sports writers, and if a sports writer

had something against you, like Gia, I think, had one guy vote against him for the Hall of Fame. Or even like Hank Aaron. Hank Aaron had a guy or two vote against him. How do you vote against Hank Aaron getting into the Hall of Fame for the first ballot? And if you piss off a sports writer in a certain town

and they have a vote, they could vote against you. And it's totally not, it doesn't do anything with the way you played. I don't know who handed those guys the keys to the city. Well, they had to figure out experts, I guess, on some level to vote.

Yeah, you're right, because you know why? It would be a conflict of interest if the managers and players couldn't do that. Yeah, so they went with the writers. But I agree with you. Munson should be in. He should have been in since 1980.

Well, he died in 79. The rule is you have to be out of the league for five years. Oh, okay. But you're right. That makes 1984 he would have been eligible. This is like the rock and roll Roll Hall of Fame is another thing they keep people out of. They just about got everybody in there now.

Now they're going with hip-hop artists and disco and everything else. It's just a music Hall of Fame at this point, not rock and roll. Well, so it's like you have what do you call it, Bach and Beethoven in there probably now?

Yeah, and I don't think they have any classical people in there, but they might as well try it. I thought if they're going that route, it's like, you know, why don't they have like Spike Lee and his band of orchestras? Yeah, well, Spike Jones, I mean, I'm sorry. Spike Jones, yeah. I don't know, man. I don't know.

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is odd. I thought we were going to go there. We went to Ohio years ago. We're going to try to go, but we got there too late, I think. What, to go to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Yeah.

Yeah, I've been there before. It's fun. It's fun, right? I'd love to go because what do you call it? Have you ever been to Cooperstown? I've never been there. Yeah, I've been to Cooperstown three times. Is it fun? Yeah, it's definitely cool to walk

through and see all the players and stuff like that and who else might be on the game plan for that day? I mean, like some of these places may be tourist traps. It's like you get disappointed. Like imagine going to like Plymouth Rock and it's like some little pebble and you pay 20 bucks to get in. Do people get charged to look at Plymouth Rock? I don't know. Maybe. Do people get charged to look at Plymouth Rock?

I don't know. Maybe. Think about some of the historical places you would visit. It's like, you know, I mean, you know, the Alamo hurt people. People visit there. The Alamo is up for a visitation if you pay money. In San Antonio. I don't know if they charge the money to get in. I really don't know.

I know it's in San Antonio, yeah. But Disneyland is expensive. Oh, yeah, forget it. Disney World, Disneyland is, like, real expensive. It's ridiculously expensive, right? What is it, like, probably $150 for a ticket, you think? I don't know exactly what it is for a ticket, but it's up there. Well, yeah, but what baseball stadium have you been at?

Oh, you've been at Yankee and Shea and Seattle. I've been all over the country. Pittsburgh has the best stadium I've heard. Pittsburgh's got a great stadium. I've been there at PNC Park. That's a nice stadium I heard Pittsburgh's got a great stadium I've been there at PNC Park that's a great stadium and where the where the Giants play

San Francisco that's a great one Seattle's got a nice one Dodger Stadium is not that great I never went to a National Dodger Stadium is not that great but I never went to a Reggie Cowles one I've been dying like you said, being that they're making a remake of West Side Story they should make a remake of

Adam 12 and have me and you as the two cops oh yeah that would go over big listen to this we're Adam 12, we have a robbery by the La Brea Tar Pits by the La Brea Tar Pits. By the La Brea Tar Pits? Yeah.

Robbery by the La Brea Tar Pits. You got it, buddy. This episode of Ari Lang's Halfway House is brought to you by FanDuel. Artie, how do you feel about the NFL right now? Well, I can never root for the Cowboys. That's out. I'm a Giant fan, and the Giants aren't going anywhere. That's obvious. But the Chiefs and the Packers, I got no problem with those teams. They look like the teams to beat. Yeah. If they go, that's fine with me. But the Cowboys

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Kick off the new year right and make this January a smoke-free January. The great Kurt Metzger is on this edition of the Halfway House with me and Mike Boschetti. Hey, Kurt. Hi, what's up Bocchetti. Hey, Kurt.

Hi, what's up, Bocchetti? Good, it's been a million years. How are you? I'm all right. I'm trying to figure out where my camera is. You don't have to use the camera if you don't want to. It's just audio. Oh, really?

Yeah, if you want to, though. It's up to you. Oh, I like to look at myself while I do. Me too. I love looking at myself. Bocchetti does too. It's probably why it's, youetty does too it's probably why it's you know what

it's probably why it's not coming on I thought there's some I thought I had to because sometimes people on StreamYard and then for some reason everything's made to

interfere with each other so sometimes they'll screw up my camera that's what I thought maybe it was but it's not really important how you doing where are you

I'm in LA so you moved to LA how's the weather up there now um it's actually pretty shitty today but uh it's better than general general uh you know east coast generally i've only i've been here like maybe a couple years now so it'll be cold rainy i'm like oh it really sucks and then you know i just went on the road to chicago and i was like oh right it's actually not that bad it's weird because everybody thinks that la is like hot all year long not at all right it's uh it never gets crazy cold like it but it gets cold but because it's so warm if it just goes down to you know 50 you'll be like oh

this is really cold yeah i i can remember playing the softball in january in a pair of shorts out in la and i'm saying to myself well at least it's it's not winter time all the jokes that i used to hear or like i remember big j had them about you know going la and people are just wearing like a a knit cap and a t-shirt or like a sleeveless vest what do you just warm on top i get exactly what that is because it's like you cover your head and then you'll be okay in your t-shirt it's a desert you know it's not you i don't think anybody's supposed to be living here yeah right exactly it's uh no one's supposed to be living there at all vegas gets cold at night and that's in the middle of the desert yeah right does this get very cold at night. I didn't like Vegas, guys. I didn't care for it that much.

You didn't like Vegas what? I didn't like Vegas at all. Oh, the town? Why? Yeah, I like California better. Yeah, I would say that, but I don't really gamble, so I don't have as much of it. Not me either, really. If I gambled, it'd probably be way better.

Yeah, if you gambled, if there was some crazy addiction you could have had, that would have been... Yeah, right. That would have been complimentary towards what the city offers. So how you doing, Kurt? Not too bad, man. I do my own dumb podcast, and I do these things with Kyle Dunnigan now, these sketches. They're doing pretty good.

And then I've been writing for Jimmy Dore Show. Oh, really? Yeah. And you like it? Yeah, I like it a lot. Yeah, well, you know, listen. Honestly, if I had known, which I wish I had, that you kind of did need to go through like getting jobs with with

like viacom and all that like you could just make your own thing i mean when i started it wasn't as easy as easy just make your own thing you kind of had to do that but right now you don't have to deal with any of that you know you don't have to really like i can't imagine going back to a place and like even just showing up in the office or i just can't even imagine it right no it's it's such it's such a different time it's like revolutionary almost yeah right and i mean as much as they're going to try to fuck it up i don't think they really can like the you know there is like other stuff popping up now that they do all this censorship shit like uh and it's not just like uh you know like we do our

stuff on youtube me and kyle for example right and i don't think we've been squelched like people will say that but i'm not really sure i know for a fact on instagram where kyle got made his thing kind of big they they shadow banned him oh really yeah and he had to like uh get a consultant to find out what happened like you gotta hire someone who knows someone at facebook i guess or meta oh god and then i know they call in vegas there's a bunch of people do this for a living there's like a whole like i don't know like internet hollywood of like managers of influencers that uh bread Ernst introduced me a bunch of people so basically they they have connections at these companies and so their friend will look up why it is your shadow band so we got the exact date and time and what the post

was and then the remedy is some of these people have like these huge networks of accounts that they they blast your your page with mass traffic to try to wake it up, and somehow that counteracts. It's crazy. It's fucking crazy. Right. I mean, that sounds so complicated. It sounds like a little bit odd-y stuff.

It sounds like every, yeah, end times cuckoo bird prophecy has come true. There's never been a better time to join a doomsday cult than right now. Yeah, absolutely. And God forbid they get banned from anything. What else you got going on? You doing the road? Yeah, I just got back from this place, a comedy vault in Batavia, Illinois, which is actually pretty great.

It's a new club. It was fun? Yeah, I had's a new club. It was fun. Yeah. I had a really good time. I really did. I got a lot of jokes out of it because I I'm going to the next road gig I have is in Kenosha. Oh God. At the Kenosha comedy club. Yeah. I'm doing a benefit for that Kyle Rittenhouse kid. No, I'm just kidding. It's all anybody knows.

I keep doing this joke about, you know, if he was black, he wouldn't have got away with killing two white people. Like, I was just telling my friend OJ about it on the course. Right. Juice, what do you make of it? Hey, Juice. juice what do you juice what do you make of it hey juice but i really think like like the the prejudice against that kid was not even i think it was because he has like a round annoying face and i think that's why everyone was biased against him like he has a face you want to hit with a skateboard when you see you want to hit with a skateboard yeah because if you watch

the tape he totally was self-defense you could tell right away if you just watch the footage. Right. Which is all I did when it came out. Like, I don't give a shit about which white people got shot for what. Like, I just watched the very easy-to-acquire footage. And you're like, oh, shit, man, that's self-defense. If you're, like, running away, try not to shoot someone. That's called self-defense.

That's how it works. You're running away from the person. I mean, it couldn't be more clear on every part of it i know i've never seen anything like that where everybody was like uh remember when rodney king happened and it was like the opposite like they kept showing the footage right and there were people that were like i don't you know they got to beat him like that there were people that were that were like the footage is right there Like the cops can do that They can just beat you While you're down for a while

Well the thing that That ruined the cops argument For the The Rodney King thing was The one guy called in And said it was like Gorillas in the midst Really?

Yeah the one Yeah The one cop said that Back to Between To like headquarters On the radio? On the radio, yeah.

No, I don't remember that. That's wild. I didn't even know that. Yeah, so once you hear that, you're like, well, clearly they're hitting him extra hard, maybe, or a couple of more extra times, just because he was black. Yeah. Did you know the first George Bush, H.W. Bush? So he was a Jehovah's witness rodney king at one point

uh it turns out and uh because so my mom when he when he had his book my mom asked me to go get a copy of his book for her because she's like oh he's joel's witness so i got it and uh i was reading it before i gave it to her and uh apparently george hw bush was so mad that the cops got off on on anything that he did something that made it possible for Rodney King to sue and get a settlement. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. It's in his book.

It's interesting. Like George H.W. Bush was like, what the fuck? And because a lot of these things are it's the prosecutors. They go for a charge that's ridiculous, like that they're not going to get a win on. Right. they go for a charge that's ridiculous that they're not going to get a win on so you know like some of them are like attempted murder or I think was that with the guy who shot Trayvon Martin he they didn't make it like a you know

reckless manslaughter or something they went for like all the way because it's like political and then you know you can't get a conviction everybody's mad right if it ends up working how it should, the system, people get very upset.

Yeah, I think so. I remember something like that, but yeah, no, the, the, the Rodney King thing.

So he got like a hundred million dollars, didn't he? Well, I don't know. You know, I don't remember how much money he got. I think he got an insane amount of money and he's got George H.W. Bush to thank for that yeah

and he does in the book it all sounded like he was like I can't believe it sounded like he had a lot of guilt for you know not that I think he should feel guilt about what he was saying like everything like powder keg kicking off

it was kind of an uncomfortable feeling to be the center of all that right i'm sure what i remember from the book yeah i would say so mike yeah i made a joke about louis ck on facebook and i love louis and people were fucking pissed at me what was the joke? if Louis looked like Brad Pitt he would get away with it with what?

asking for consent? with the crime of asking an adult woman for consent who then consented with no contact yeah I think Brad Pitt I would hope Brad Pitt would get away with that yeah every time you're rooting for brad pitt it's in that situation i mean like honestly god

i've never seen such a that's the other one that i can't believe is uh that's where you see people's weird professional like uh you know like nothing that's what's so gross about this shit being in entertainment is it's it's so like whatever the original intent like you know me too is like you know black girls and in the inner city who don't know anything and think they're alone with that that was what was invented to help and then it became a political tool of like aging actresses right and you know like i don't know why cultural appropriation is cool to do with that, but it is apparently. And then it became very quickly like the thing on Louis, like nobody read the article, even the article smearing him. If you really like, I don't understand what the like, I don't even understand what the crime is.

What the crime is. Asking for consent. And you're like, well, they said consent said consent they said yes because they were scared it's two chicks in a hotel at aspen who said yeah take your dick out and then stood there while he did that i don't believe you're scared like if you were scared with two people there of louis and you didn't want to do it but you did it anyway you're a whore that's what a whore does you have the option to go i don't want to do that and i have human dignity and i really don't care if i get helped in the industry by you you could say that you know like

i would do yeah they sort of admit that there was a guy that could have helped them out this is a disgusting it's like a it's a real like uh and by the way that shit's all done now because of uh biden as soon as they wouldn't look into his accuser that was the end of me like also rose mcgowan to her credit very quickly called out that it was all bullshit so and times up had to fire all that remember times up was the big they're gonna it's like they had a war chest for women to fight powerful men who sexual misconduct oh and they turned out it was democrat thing for biden so they they all smeared that chick who like i don't understand why she was any less credible than anybody else it sounded like she would be more credible it sounded like

what she was saying definitely happened um ridiculous it's just these people don't care about any of that so the reason i say it's done now is because once that happened people could see there's there's nothing to this and people that are real victims of stuff are usually the first ones to figure it out it's usually like non-victimized people who see an opportunity that's who jumps on that stuff i mean i don't know who trusts a single hashtag anything yeah I it kind of grosses me out the whole situation well I still remember dude remember back when we were doing uh you got in trouble for the fucking ESPN yeah the twee yeah yeah and they were like what was it, what was it, Chris? What was it?

The Comedy Central, like Chris Hardwick show. Right. Before he got his Me Too. Before it was revealed that he told his young ex to keep her trap shut in public. Yeah. I was supposed to do that show with Ewan Norton. That's right. And literally the car was an hour away from my house that was going to take me to the gig. And I was getting ready for it.

Because, you know, I want to look my best on that show. It came down. My agent called me up and said, listen, did you tweet something about the girl on ESPN? I was like, yeah. He was like, well, you're not allowed to do the show then. Some guy outside, I don't know if he's a producer but some like older dude i assume there's some he was saying something about like yeah i already should have known better and in my head i'm like why should he have known better like i

don't i don't know better no you're supposed to know what the bourgeois norms are before you get there to your credit you defended me on that show oh yeah they said what's the most dangerous stunt or something would you do and i, speak my mind on Twitter. Yeah, thank you. I mean, they did keep that joke on. Yeah, good for them. So how often are you on the road? Like once or twice a month now.

Yeah. That's what that's about right to me because I got I got all this other shit to do. And then that's like a good amount to be traveling. What made you move to L.A.? Just the business? Yeah, I was working on that Sacha Baron Cohen show for Showtime. Oh, that's right. That's right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was paying rent in New York, and then I just was staying out there. And I wanted to leave New York anyway. So yeah, then I moved out. And then I've been here for, I don't know, three years maybe. I don't remember when I got here. Really? Time flies, man. I know it goes by fast. Uh, yeah, Jesus. Three years. I, I would, I would say, I, I don't remember driving you home once where you lived in New York. Yeah. Yeah. And that

seemed like last month. I know. It was crazy. Yeah. Yeah, I don't remember what we were laughing about. Something with the Baltimore Ravens. I don't remember why, though. Boy, you got a good memory, bro. Yeah. Yeah, no matter how hard I try with substances, it doesn't work. I can't forget about shit.

Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of false advertising. Where are you at now? I'm at a studio in Garfield, New Jersey, where I do a Bravery Studios. Great place. Bravery Studios? What is it, mostly non-binary people? So you work for a gay studio?

It's literally one guy, Marvin. He's my producer, and he's everything here. He does everything here. He was sheetrocking the bathroom when we walked in. Well, that is bravery. I wouldn't be able to. We're getting paid to be brave. I just never hear bravery unless it's like somebody's really fat and gay.

That could be Marvin. we don't know so what part of LA do you live in West Hollywood by uh I live kind of not too far from the laugh factory oh nice do you do spots there where do you do spots more normally the store mostly sometimes improv too but uh I mean I had a time ago, I was going to call in for spots to laugh at. And then I just didn't. Is there like a lot of infighting going on there? Like if you do spots regularly at one club? I remember that was sort of going on when I was there. But I was there.

Like in 95, they had a hard time over there. I was there in the mid-90s, yeah. Oh, really? I didn't know. There's nothing like that.'s so uh well although i could see that because it's more it's you know it seems more like uh road club ish out here i would say to a certain degree but so i always say that on the road like some club doesn't you know they don't want you to work they have like their their mob territory i guess yeah pittsburgh was like that pittsburgh got an improv and had a funny bone and uh it was so childish i

remember like going in the funny bone to do a spot and uh they had like comics favorite local guys like guys who had no power at all local guys who happened to play the improv in pittsburgh did a spot there and the guy had their faces up on their headshots on a dartboard and was throwing darts at them. Really? Yeah. And I said, what'd this guy do? Fuck your wife? Like, no, no, no.

He just went to do a spot at the improv. Dude, do you remember? What'd you say? Sorry. It's like, when I went to the improv in la years ago what artie was talking about i wanted to do spots to the left at the comedy store and ross mark at the time who booked the goes i can't help you with that i go why he goes because he goes mitch he hates bud and vice versa oh really well that seemed a little unnecessary yeah yeah do you remember uh in jersey well like south jersey i started in

philly right with uh jay right kevin hart too at uh the laugh laugh house and uh but south jersey do road gigs there were two rivals the pickle man and steve bicks yeah the pickle man was known for like back in the day he sold coke out of his pickle truck, I guess. Right. Oh, I don't talk about him all the time. Yeah, it was like all the gangs in New York over who could play what fire hall. I got all the AA meetings south of Cherry Hill. It was the most like vicious small time I've ever...

Yeah, man. Well, the Philly mob always did it right. Yeah, right. They knew what they were doing. Marty, do you watch... Do you know the whole mob has a podcast now? Basically, pretty much the entire mob podcast, if you wonder what they've been on.

Oh, yeah. Really? Yeah. Or all the. Really? Yeah. Or all the ex-mob. All the ex-mob guys have a podcast? No, I don't listen to podcasts. Okay, the best one by far. Now, I don't pick sides because what's great is they all have their rivalries carry over into the podcast world.

Which is amazing. Because these are old men now now a lot of them like yeah you can tell who who's like the more like business and they have this thing that's like a racketeer and a gangster they explain it all so the one guy who's like christian now michael um francese and his dad's like the guy who's like the legendary like uh in a bronx tale the uh the guy that chas pulmonary plays that that mom right right that's based on this guy's dad okay like and uh so he went to he was like he made the most money or something of anyone with a mob with this like gas scam and oh yeah he missed like a multimillionaire usually yeah he brought in like millions of dollars and uh

so he he now he's out of jail and he's a christian he does motivational shit and he has and so you can see like people like i wish him well i don't think he's a christian he's super charming though he is right he's what super charming i've never met him but it's decent i like his show but you know i've seen them all and they're like now he'll like review mob movies hold on i gotta force quit an application right now because uh i'm using what the fuck hold on sorry that's all right your system has run out of application memory uh it just popped up in the middle. Okay. Let's see. Dude,

the best is Sammy the Bull by far. Oh yeah. I would assume. Like I could tell a story like I want the one, if you never watched it, go on his one about Steven Seagal. It's fucking hilarious. Oh yeah.

He does up cause Steven Seagal, they was being blackmailed. Yeah. Remember hearing about that? Yeah, absolutely. Seagal had to go. I heard he had to go into a prison and talk to certain mob guys and like, you know, like pay his respects. Yeah. Seagal, like when he remember he stopped making movies for a minute.

Yeah. After a bunch of begging by the movie audience, please stop for one minute. after a bunch of begging by the movie audience, please stop for one minute. Um, and Sammy tells the whole story. So John got, he's in prison and his brother,

I was Peter Gotti, but he was like saying, he's like a more, it's so funny him talking about them. And, um, basically they got like, so he goes,

you know, so go, I want to go in the mountains of Tibetan prey or whatever. And I did his, let him go do it that's what i said you know and then let him go do it yeah like he fulfilled his end so they shouldn't but uh peter got he wanted him to to like muscle him into working again so he brought some like some guy you'd bring to like the docks to scare him right which i guess also stupid according to say and um it's steven

seagal didn't rat them out the government was tailing peter gatti and they put a bug in the office where steven seagal met with them oh okay wow that's really i think he's like shit his pants twice from these visits like he was and then the agents had to like hug him and shit when they finally because they go we know you're being shook down by the mob. And he like broke down and they say, and he said he testified with one of those like heavy like security blankets they give to kids that got molested. You know, they testify and they give you like this, I don't know. It's like a weighted blanket.

I like they, he had that while he happened. They were afraid he was going to get shot while testifying no he no it's like a thing like a you know like a kid holding the dollar blanket or a teddy bear like if you're like traumatized they have these blanket or like heavy you know like you always see it where like somebody comes out of a disaster and they put a blanket around yeah apparently they have that for people and that's what he had and he needed one yeah that's what i took from it i mean well watch it but that's what i got from it but it's hilarious i don't think i could watch another mob movie that is uh like based on a true story anymore because here and then just tell the stories is like way better.

Yeah. It sounds like it would be. It's just like you, you get more. And also I'm sure these guys are telling the stories in ways that help them, you know, like I wouldn't. But then the thing is funny is they get,

cause I was going to, I was trying to, you know, PJ, PJ. Now remember PJ from the Boston, big redhead guy from Queens. PJ Marsh, not Marsh. I know he's a big tall guy.

Landers, Landers. So PJ, yeah, he knows. I talked to this guy on the phone, John A. Light, who he has his own. And he's like, like you could see guy on the phone, John a light who, uh, he has his own and he's like, like you could see as like the blue collar end of things. First of all,

he's not Italian. He's Albanian. Right. He was Gotti jr's bodyguard. Oh, okay. I asked him, I told him like,

I, that makes sense that they had him as it, cause he apparently did a lot of shit. Like, like a lot of, you know, I mean, he makes me laugh cause his thing is like,

it's, they're all like, it's to tell kids not to do join the mob, but then they sell merch. Like he sells bats. He sells bats. Which I find so funny. I'm not like, I would never want to make him like mad or something at me because I fully believe he's a guy that could fuck somebody up like very easily.

Right. You know, I, and I told him that like I believe it just because from when I heard you were Albanian and and uh PJ started PJ was like kind of PJ like laughing like hahaha the guy didn't laugh and I was like oh shit I hope I didn't fucking I didn't want to set somebody off he was very it was very interesting talking because he was like like uh what I think it is is he's Albanian so it's if you, your son's not a real kind of mobster, but you want to leave it to your son, that's perfect. You get someone who can never be made, who is it to, to back him up and then they won't take over cause they can't, you know?

That's true. That's what I think the, the, the thing behind it. But it's, it's funny you talk about how they tell the story is the way it benefits them. That reminds me of good fellas. Uh, it's Henry Hill telling the story. It's his you talk about how they tell the story with the way it benefits them. That reminds me of Goodfellas. It's Henry Hill telling the story. It's his story, and he never kills a guy. It's always Tommy or Jimmy. He's always the voice of reason. Like, no, guys, what are you doing? Stop.

Yeah, right. He never actually kills someone. Do you think it's possible that he didn't kill someone? I mean, he's at least helped. Because here's why I asked The guy I was doing John Lee. He was saying like yeah that guy's never He was kind of downing one of them of like he's only killed like two people like he's full of shit Yeah, that's a common thing not to like single him out as particularly whatever they all like

Their records of doing stuff are like that's like a big deal to them so he goes like he said i'm like well i mean isn't that good if he killed less people like yeah i guess so yeah i mean it makes it seem like he never actually like directly killed somebody hello kurt oh sorry my computer did that that's alright, don't worry about it Mike was worried about you No, I'm serious, I was like, what the hell happened to you? It was my computer I had a stroke in the middle Just as he's talking about the mob No, Kurt, we were just saying that

I would never want to watch another mob movie again like you said, because these guys are so real and accurate, you feel like you said, because these guys are so real and accurate. You feel like you're part of that crew almost. Well, dude, yeah. No, one guy, it's varying degrees of telling a story, and that's Sammy DuBois, the best at telling the story. I don't know. People get rivalries over it and shit.

It's wild to watch it, but it's just an engrossing thing to watch like like uh yeah you know the irishman for example like that's all bullshit the whole story's bullshit so once i already know that then it's like it takes a lot of it you know casino is is kind of accurate and goodfellas are like based on a real thing, you know, but even, even those for being like kind of accurate to what the life is are still not anywhere near getting the real story you would get just hearing it from them. Yeah. I mean, talk about how Donnie Brasco is probably more accurate than,

than anything. Yeah. Right. Well, even that guy, him talk is more interesting to me than than the movie was because the guy that he he really became friends with that guy that got killed for knowing him or bringing him in yeah and he gets like like uh they always always wear sunglasses too while

they tell their story i don't know why but he gets almost like he's gonna cry when he talks about it he was really close french though right yeah yeah the uh the thing about that is you know these guys are real people too they they you know a lot of the humanity is taken out of them in the movies right yeah that's what uh i had jimmy dora on my show to talk we were talking about vegas and it's funny like when the mob ran it jimmy's like that was the human touch that's what uh i had jimmy dora on my show to talk we were talking about vegas and it's funny like when the mob ran it jimmy's like that was the human touch that's what it was vegas like now the corporate touch is like a lot colder than it is hands-on yeah it is absolutely it's a corporate corporation version of the mob that's why i didn't like it when i went there now because i would have loved it went there in the 80s. Yeah, sure.

I mean, that's probably the height of partying out there. I mean, I hate everything just there to corral you into buying some crap. If you're not distracted with a gambling addiction, you notice the entire place is set up to just, we're going to get money out of you somehow. Right. We buy gold. I love those places. Atlantic City is famous for that. You leave the casino floor, and the second you leave,

you see a sign, we buy gold. We buy watches. Look, that's the minute you go outside of Atlantic City, you're in the middle of a huddle over there. Oh, yeah. One time, did I tell you that one time me and Jay and my ex-girlfriend at the time, who was my girlfriend at the time, who was like a stripper. Some friend of his, there were these Japanese businessmen in Atlantic City that said they wanted like some girls, you know. Right. And, um,

because my girlfriend dance, she knew girls were like, Oh yeah, we could probably, I think Jay's friend was like a, a, a dealer and was taught chatting with these guys. So we go to all these strip clubs in South Jersey and, uh, and she goes to talk to girls and, and we're just like, can't, we call it escorts. It was like like it's a lot harder than apparently we thought it was right two hookers from camden okay one of them was kind of pretty or she's like puerto rican or dominican like shit should have voiced like gravel but she was like pretty okay the other one clearly trans like, like immediately. Like you knew immediately. Right.

Which is not what these guys ordered. Like, all right, that's what we got. And then one was a girl that Jay and his girlfriend had swung with. So she would look like kind of like a real, like, I don't know, like white girl next door look. It was really a bizarre group that we got. And we go to Vegas and Jessica, not whatever, I didn't say her last name. She was like the like madam or something, I guess. And the Japanese businessman immediately rejected the two.

Trans one in the gravel voice. Really? Yeah, immediately. And then the one that was like the kind of not so hot, but like white girl, they all just gathered around her and took turns kissing her belly button oh my god and then they gave her uh two thousand dollars and she left two grand it was the strangest thing like we were waiting nervous like we're like boy i know not what they would yeah two grand for kissing the belly button that's steep yeah it's just they're like very polite japanese you know i mean they got some pretty poor service and they paid and tipped right look we don't want to you we just want to do something incredibly creepy i think they were like well let's just be nice

to kiss bellybutton i don't think that was like i mean i don't know i've never heard of that japanese perversion of gang belly button that would be the first time i heard of it too and i've heard a lot of weird stuff from japan it's the capital of weird stuff yeah do you know why they have all those uh tentacle cartoons you know those tentacle porn cartoons why because way back when like you know they have these these woodcut illustrations of like they're like pornographic from like samurai times yeah and it was illegal to show genitals where pubic hair that was like a thing even in the 80s they would have to scratch the pubic hair out of all the magazines there was like a guy who did that job wow yeah and uh and the re and so they

made it so then they started making wood cuts you couldn't show people having intercourse so they started making octopuses sticking tentacles into women to get around it so you could still have something going into a hole and then an entire perversion developed around it man a thing that's how these things start is like you forbid something and then weird mutations happen but that is weird that's what that's what i didn't see coming to avoid the horrors of normal sex they had to get into that it's like it's like everything's prison sexuality you know like yeah people have to make do with what they got right kurt what's that fish in japan that's like really lethal if you eat it you could

die oh like a blowfish or something yeah yeah that's really crazy right you probably won't i mean they're pretty well trained you could die just from eating non poisonous fish, fish. Oh yeah. Like, uh, there's all kinds of weird reactions. I don't know. I'm not a big fish guy.

It's like really expensive too. It's like, I like sushi though. Um, well, if you die, it's, it's on the house.

That's big in a sushi restaurant. The death. You either live or the check's on us get some people who live through anything yeah yeah some people live through it I don't know did you

oh by the way did you guys get do you know anybody who had like reactions to getting the jab no I was really exhausted both times but that was it no i was really exhausted both times but that that was it no no not really really not anybody not anybody that i know of no me either really i didn't have

any uh i was like i just was tired after the second one i didn't have anything but uh yeah i know a few people i always ask when i go. I have a dumb joke about it, but I always ask and I always get the same sampling of people that had something. Some people get those pulses right. Yeah, right. Yeah. Well, you know what? Oh, okay. So a friend of mine was telling me he got the, what's the one shot one?

Johnson and Johnson? Yeah. He doesn't like needles. So he got the one where it's just one shot so he wouldn't have to get two and um and that's the one they took off the market briefly and so he got it he went home and then he woke up and he had all these blisters forming in his mouth and um oh god freaking out yeah and um i think he went to the hospital he was like in a lot of pain and they were like they were checking him they couldn't figure out anything wrong with him And I think he went to the hospital. He was, like, in a lot of pain.

And they were, like, they were checking him. They couldn't figure out anything wrong with him. They gave him some painkillers and went home. They woke up in the middle of the night, and it had spread to all over his arms, these blisters. Oh, God. Oh, damn. Then he had to go back. And he was, like, I got this one-shot one to avoid needles,

and they just stuck something in every orifice in my body. Like, they got poked in every possible area. Oh, God. He had developed type 1 diabetes, the kind that you're born with. Oh, yeah. He wasn't born with it. He just got the one you're born with. Oh, okay.

And it went away after three weeks. So he had the diabetes you're born with for three weeks, and it went away after three weeks. So he had the diabetes you're born with for three weeks and it went away. And what it is is an immune response. Like he said they told him it happens with a bunch of vaccines, not just this one in particular. But it's something where your immune system goes batshit and it starts attacking you, which is what type 1 diabetes is. It's an autoimmune thing.

So if anybody has a problem with that kind of stuff that's or well is he okay now yeah now he's okay he shouldn't be a fucking zillionaire after that nonsense would happen to him he should what be a multi-millionaire no because you sign a thing that says yeah

that's why I don't get if people I got it because I was like you know I want I thought it was going to be like the TS like what is that where you get to bypass the TSA That's why I don't get if people, I got it. Cause I was like, you know, I want, I thought it was going to be like the TS being like a, what is that where you get to bypass the TSA at the airport? I thought it was going to be that kind of access to life. And like, I just think I'm like in a demographic that I'm not likely to be the one that

something bad happens to with that, with that. Just because I've tested a lot of stuff out on myself and it, you know, it's kind of like a hack thing to say but i really have i'll roll the dice on that to not wear a mask because i've done other things but um i don't blame anybody if they if they know that they're that type of person that's maybe an army that is like uh hesitant like i don't see why that would affect me. Right. I know. Well, Kurt, what do you got coming up next? Oh, yeah. Kenosha Comedy Club on January, I think, 20th, 29th.

And going with Kyle Dunnigan's channel on YouTube. That's where we do our sketches. We're doing another Fresh Prez. do you ever see him do Biden no he does the best Biden hands down oh yeah we do it with like face face swap stuff like and you know it's like

not it's not a good deep fake they're like shitty it's a shitty swap app and he does like killer impressions so he made like a Star Trek with Biden's Captain Kirk and like like basically shitty it's a shitty swap app and he does like killer impressions so we made like a star trek with biden's captain kirk and like like basically whatever we can do with all his impressions we make little shows of is he the guy who does bill maher yeah yeah yeah that's real that's super funny yeah yeah so uh that's that's actually doing okay so uh check that out if anybody wants i i don't know why he doesn't, he's not known more.

There's no good Biden impressions, dude. No, I know. There's something else you think is a Democratic conspiracy. He's very nice. I met him years ago in New York. He's a very nice guy. Kyle. Oh, I thought you meant you met Biden. Yeah,

that's what I thought too. Yeah, Kyle's fine. Do you know the president or not? Wow, you met Biden or you met Kyle? Oh, that's good too, though. Yeah, and then we do a show called Pussies. Did you ever see Pussies? No. Yeah, that's a podcast about women for women by men who support women yeah yeah dude watch but we we reviewed all the star you know all the star wars trilogy recently right and uh their names are michael and michael and they're they're very uh

we do that live out here too sometimes at uh at largo we do it you know who you know who's into it wild is all like these like a bunch of like gen x actors oh yeah yeah like like uh what's his name came uh you know putty from seinfeld david putty oh yeah yeah yeah i'm blanking on his name but you know what i'm talking about yeah yeah yeah Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm blanking on his name, but you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, listen, man, I appreciate you doing this, Kyle.

Yeah, man, it's good to hear from you. I want you to come on mine. Yeah, sure, Kurt. Absolutely. I'd love to. What, you just get in touch with Tommy? Is that how I do it? Yeah, or I'll give you my cell phone.

Oh, awesome, dude. Okay, so, yeah, because I'll give you my cell phone oh awesome dude okay so uh yeah i'll uh because i'll sing those things for i i i wanted to say that's right i wanted to send you pussies a while ago we started doing it yeah that's funny we're selling a book online we're actually selling pretty well we wrote a fake kid book called my weewee is also a Pee Pee and Maybe a Poo Poo. Yeah, I'd love to see that. Yeah, we really look disgusting on the back, too. We're like back-to-back folded arms with our sweaters and glasses. We look like really appalling.

Well, that sounds good. Yeah. Well, Kurt, good luck with everything. Look for a big hit. We're huge in Kenosha. Look for a big hit there. Hopefully. Yeah, just thanks for doing it, man. No, thank you, dude.

It's great to hear you. Yeah, man. It's been a long time. It's really good to talk to you. All right, cool. It was good talking to you guys. All right, Kurt. Be well. Be well. Be well. We'll be right back. Bye.