Artie Lange's Podcast Channel - 47 - RICH VOS

Episode Date: January 25, 2022

Artie is joined by Mike Bocchetti and spends time with comedian Rich Vos! Support Artie's sponsors: FanDuel Sportsbook: Don’t miss your chance to WIN $150 off a $5 bet when you use promo code ARTIE when signing up. Download the FanDuel Sportsbook app, use promo code ARTIE, and pick your Conference Championship team before kickoff. Sheath: Go to http://www.sheathunderwear.com and use code ARTIE for 20% off your first order Support Artie by joining at http://www.Patreon.com or by clicking the JOIN button on his YouTube page. You'll get access to the exclusive Thursday episodes and nearly 400 Artie Quitter podcast episodes. Patreon supporters at the "Artie Insider" level will get access to Artie's voicemail line to leave a message to be addressed on a future show. To join his channel on YouTube to get access to an extra episode every week and the archives visit Artie Lange's YouTube channel. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCejSpn_F5eXMhVfbTXgC4JQ/join

Hey, what's up? And here with me now is the great Mike Bocchetti to tune in and check in. I was going to ask you, I hope this year, you know, I think you have one of my favorite songs. Who? The Dice Man. I'm dying to talk to him again. Yeah, the Dice Man. He was on the last show.

I know. I mean, he loves you, but he's been, you know, he's been touring again. Has he? Do you follow the Dice Man's career? Well, you know, I don't Man's career? Well, you know what? I don't bother him a lot because, you know what? I don't bother people a lot.

You know what I mean? It's like, because you can't annoy people. What do you mean? On Twitter? I'll Instagram him like every couple of months or so. And what do you say? Just say, hi, Dice. I don't even call him Andrew because I don't know him well enough to call him Andrew.

You know him well enough. You call him Dice. I like calling him Dice. I like to call him Andrew but I don't know what people call him. Probably only his family does, I'm sure. So...

But his sons are great musicians. I love them. Yeah, one plays guitar, one plays the drums. Don't do that,. I'll tell you one thing. I wish I could play guitar. Yeah, I wish I could play guitar too. It would be nice.

Yeah, but you do play better than I do. How do you know that? I remember when at DirecTV you played once in a while having fun and it was good. You were just messing around and it was fun. No, I never played guitar. Yes, you had once in a while, having fun. It was good. You were just messing around where it was fun. No, I never played guitar. Yes, you had fun up there with it.

I was singing. I wasn't playing guitar. Oh, okay. Sorry, my mistake. A lot of people make that mistake. I thought there was some reason for guitar, but I can't say his name right, but he teaches a class on guitar online, Lofgren from Springsteen. Nils Lofgren, yeah, he was on our show.

He was very awesome. Remember, I couldn't say his first name. He goes, call me Tommy. You couldn't say Nils? I called him Nils, or I called him Nils, or Nils. Yeah, that was one of your- But he was very cool Nels. Yeah, that was one of the... But he was very cool about it. Yeah, he was fine with it.

Is he a Jersey guy as well or no? I don't think he's from Jersey, no, but he's been touring with Springsteen long enough to become an honorary one. But Stevie Van Zandt definitely is, right, you think? Yeah, Van Zandt's from Middletown.

Where's that audio? I'm not good at directions. Exit 114 on the parkway. Well, Jersey's the first, because first of all, you have the country, you have the beach, you have the mountains, you have the city.

That's right, you got everything here. You got everything, because if you just watch Jersey, like the country, then there's the beach, then there's the city, then like you said, you know, so many different things. Did you spend a lot of time in Jersey when you were younger?

Because Staten Island's right there. But like Kennedy Boulevard, it's not good, right? Well, Kennedy Boulevard where? In Jersey City? Yeah, Western New York. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That wasn't great right now.

No, it wasn't that great. I'm talking about like the early 70s, right? Yeah. But Cape May is awesome and a lot of other parts of Jersey are cool. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, but where you lived, right? Hoboken was a tough place at one time. It still is, I think. Well, it's got a lot of yuppies now, but it was at one time a waterfall.

At one time, it wasn't. No, it wasn't at all. No, it changed in the 80s. Oh, yeah. No, I changed in the 80s Oh yeah No, but the thing is What was I going to say My family is from I don't know if it was North Jersey

But they were West New York and North Bergen they lived I don't know what that is Yeah, that's right there That makes sense Well, my cousin Al Lives in Franklin Lake, so I can get it. That's nice.

Yeah, my cousin Angelo is a good guy. My cousin Katie, his wife, my cousin, he owns a garbage carton business in Jersey. Oh, yeah? Yes, my mom went to the Finley house. She was amazed. She said they have like five bedrooms. I'm like, whoa. Yeah, that's a lot of bedrooms.

I don't know if I can deal with five of them. I need maybe one or two. How many bedrooms you got in that mansion of yours over there? One and a half. That's it? I thought you all lived there. Half one. You have the half one. I thought you all lived there. You have the half one.

I thought you all lived there, though. Your mother, your brothers? Yeah. My mom, my sister, my brother, and me. That's it. Oh, that's all now? Yeah.

There used to be more, but they evolved. They evolved into what? Into regular people. Well, it sounds like you have a good time. I have a dog too. Yeah, Chihuahua is 10 years old. I love that dog. I know you do love that dog.

You always mention the dog. That dog hates me severely, though. Why does it hate you? Chihuahua isn't weird like that. They love the master, and dog hates me severely, though. Why does it hate you? Chihuahuas are weird like that. They love the master, and if she wants the people, and certain people just talk if they don't like for some reason. Chihuahuas are weird like that? I wish I had more dogs.

I wish I was able to have a dog myself. I love them. Why can't you have one yourself? Because we have a Chihuahua here. Oh, no. He's coming back here, Artie. Look at this. She wanted to say hi to you.

There's my pal. Ah, there he is. Yeah, that's a cool-looking dog. He's got the arm and chair. Somebody left it in the box. See how much he hates me? No, you can't tell it hates you. It kind of likes you.

No, no, no, no. I don't... I'll take a little bite to Uncle Mike. Okay, I gotta... Bye, Snow. Okay, bye-bye. What's the name of the dog?

Snow. Snow? Yeah, because she's almost all white with the arm and chairs. Oh, yeah, okay, I got you. All right, be good. Be good, Tony. I love the vision, Tony.

I would have a Jack Russell or a Rottweiler. That's a big difference, Mike. One's a huge dog, one's a little dog. Well, one of my favorites is the old English sheep dog. Yeah, well, that's a big dog, though. Yeah, but you know what? With a big dog, it's not fair to them.

You need a house. You need a house in the country for them, really. Oh, did you see that movie on Prime about the Ric ricardo's about i love lucy no it wasn't it was it was okay but but the thing is like first of all everybody knows she was a comedy genius she's unmatchable right lucille ball physical comedy as well, right?

He was a brilliant businessman. Yeah, he was. Absolutely. The story with him is they said, you got to do the show in New York. And he didn't want to do it in New York. He wanted to do it in L.A., which was weird at the time because every television show was shot in New York City. And they said, it'll cost an extra five grand a week to shoot it in L.A. And he goes, well, take the five grand a week out

of my pay, but I own the show. And at the time they didn't think anything would happen with reruns or anything like that. So they said, fine, we don't care. You can own the show. They didn't think it was going to be anything. And then he owned all the reruns. That's what happened. Did he invent uh residuals

or now they had for that to think i don't think he invented them though but he he certainly invented the concept of owning your own show well here's whoa and that was wait that was unthought of in those days yeah that's why they said fine pay the five grand a week. We don't care. Yeah, but it's weird when it comes to residuals. Like certain people, certain time periods got screwed over. Like the little rascals, they didn't zip. You know what I mean, right? From those days.

And I don't, you know, the Brady Bunch didn't make a lot of money when they were on TV. I don't know what their residual deal is with them. I don't think they get much. It's sad. I mean, Schwartz is like a billionaire. Sherwood Schwartz? Yeah. Yeah, the guy... Yeah, but what does it take to, like,

to own the show? Stop hella? Well, if you come in as a guy who didn't write it, you got to write it to own it. Oh, you got to be the creator. Oh, you got to be the creator. Yeah, you got to be the creator. That's the credit you want, created by.

And then... You got to develop and create it, then you own it. But if you get a big enough star, like you said, star power, who comes in and says, well, I own some of the show, because otherwise you can't have my services, then that happens. Yeah, it was the great Jackie Gleason.

Did he own his show, you think? Yeah, definitely. He did, right? He owned all that shit. The Honeymooners, the Jackie Gleason show. It was kind of weird. You see Brad Garrett play him? It was kind of off-catch.

Who played him? Brad Garrett. Brad Garrett played him? Yeah. In what, a movie about him? Brad Garrett Brad Garrett played him? Yeah In what? A movie about him? I never knew that Like a TV movie about him Oh really?

But the thing is First of all I like Garrett But he was way too tall to play Jack And not fat enough He was like a foot taller than him Yo Brad Garrett's a foot taller than him. Yo, Brad Gardner's a foot taller than everybody. Yeah, but the thing is, like, it's so sick how he only made 39 episodes,

but it became one of the most popular shows in the world. How crazy is that? Yeah, 39 episodes. Oh, you know what? I wish if anybody We would have got to meet I like forcing you to talk We would have got to work with Tony Randall and Jack Klopman How sick would that have been?

Oh, that would have been great They were the best I can watch that show over and over again And still laugh my ass off And it looks like you've laughed your ass off. I need to laugh it off more. You've done it with 34 Waste. Were you ever at 34 Waste?

Yes, a long time ago. When you were a kid? No, I was at 34 Waste when I started comedy. And that would have been in 89 or 92? 92. Right, okay. And I evolved into, I don't know what size I am now,

I'm afraid to even look. I look like I have double numbers. I just want to explain the awkward pauses. That's the way you get Mike to start talking again. That's what I like doing. I know. I'm what I like doing. I know.

See? I'm very awkward, really. Yeah, but when you went to school, were you outgoing like you were on out? Yeah, I was outgoing. Absolutely. I was very in-going, Mike. I was like this.

Watch this. Let's do a little improv. Say, Mike, give us a... Okay, who wants to do a book report? Just say that, and I'll show you how I watch. Okay, guys, who wants to do a book report? Oh, no, I hope you don't call on me. It's going to be suckage. Would you say that out loud?

Suckage? It's going to be suckage? I'd be like this all day. Oh, please don't make them call on me. It's going to be horrible. It's going to be suckage. No, no. Why?

Would you have read the book? You weren't prepared? No, I got afraid. I was afraid to get up in front of people. Oh, you were? And then you became a stand-up comic. It's very weird because I was very awkward, real awkward. You think I'm socially awkward now?

You should have seen me at 11 years old. Yeah, my God, that must have been amazing. I wish I would have seen me at 11 years old. Yeah, my God. That must have been amazing. I wish I would have known you at 11. I think we would have been good friends. Yeah, absolutely. You would have pounded the bully's head in your car with me, I think.

Did you get bullied a lot? Yeah, but you know what's really crazy? It's really weird, right? All the real tough guys despise bullies.

That's true. I'll give you an example. I went to school with him and he had a horrible life, actually. You know what he did? I went to school with Gus, and he had a horrible life, actually. You know what he did? I went to school with Gus Faraci, of 4-H. Of who? Gus Faraci killed an FBI agent in the late 80s.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tony Danza made a movie about him. You went to school with him? Gus Faraci was one of my high school classmates Freshman in South New York High School Right? And I was this fat kid that was getting bullied And I thought, oh no, Gus is going to bully me Somebody went to bully me

And Gus grabbed him Really? So he protected you? He did, he goes like this Hey man, he goes He's Italian like I am He goes like this You knock off with him Otherwise you're going to have some shit with me.

Wasn't everybody Italian? Some people weren't, but the thing is, he stuck up for me, and I'll never forget that. He was always cool with me, but you know what? It's hard to explain. I felt bad when he died, but you know what? You put yourself in the fire sometimes, too. How did he die?

He was shot to death. By who? By the mob in Brooklyn. Oh, okay. Because, you know, he killed an FBI agent. They were on a hunt for him. Oh, that's right. He killed an FBI agent.

Oh, my God. Tony Danza played in the movie. It was made for TV movies. This episode of R.A. Lang's Halfway House is brought to you by FanDuel. Artie, if you think back about the NFL and great playoff games, is there any that stick in your mind? Yeah, I would have to say the 1982 Charger-Dolphin-Kellen Winslow. I call it the Kellen Winslow game, 41-38.

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You know, I'm still in this business. Yeah, good for you. Apparently. You look good. You lost weight, huh? Yeah, yeah i lost some weight everybody's saying that well then if it's true then it may be you know a lot of times when like if somebody loses a finger people go oh you lost a finger you go yeah a lot of people are saying that hey look at you. You lost a finger.

Where is that? Is that your house you're in? Yeah, this is my base. It's a podcast studio we have down here in our basement. It's nice. It's pretty nice. Thanks. Yeah, we got a pretty big.

I mean, I got a lot of property house. A house with a lot of property. And we just finished the basement because it got flooded during that big storm so we're back down this is the guest room and the podcast room we're fixing up so you know it is uh you know good for you how are you getting by with the pandemic bro oh let's wait till we start the podcast we'll do everything yeah we started we're rolling oh we did yeah oh how am i how am i doing with the band the pandemic i mean you know in the beginning it was it was a little harder you know just being so used to working every weekend and leaving you know I had a routine pretty much and then all of a sudden work you know we had that big tour we had a good tour going the creeps with kids tour yeah so you know and then

all of a sudden boom nothing and then you know slowly some outside gigs outdoor gigs and some you know but the good thing for me was it reconnected me with, uh, my, uh, a program, my program of recovery, because I started doing like three and four zoom meetings a week because, you know, uh, I wasn't leaving. leaving it was a it was just very convenient zoom meetings what's that zoom aa meetings yeah yeah i was going to zoom uh meetings and speaking and and and doing you know service work so for the last couple years i've been you know going to those those meetings and i mean i'm still a sick fuck i don't drink or get high but you know if i'm not buying something or spending or you know i hear a number i gotta go fucking run and play it you know i i'm a sick Like, fuck, but I'm not going to kill myself from alcohol and drugs.

You know, I do have a problem. You know, if I see something and I like it, I just get it. I don't even think about it. I don't think about it. But all it is is filling this fucking empty hole that lurks in the bottom of my fucking gut. You know. Yeah, well well that's the thing man you gotta be careful like gambling and stuff like that too yeah

it's well I mean look I bet I rationalize but I I'm as much a gambler as I was a drug addict you know I put 50 bucks on the game last night, and the only reason I did it

is because there's no reason for me to watch a game unless I have some action on it. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck if the heads on both of their teams exploded. You know what I mean? So, you know, it's addiction. It's just what it is for me it's instant gratification of feeling good with with the wrong things that make me feel good

right i get it i get it like that i was the same way with gambling. I didn't realize I wasn't that much of a football fan until I stopped gambling. Yeah. It just, it's all the same. I mean, look, I got my, my daughter had a baby girl like four weeks ago, four or five. You know, so I'm a grandfather. Wow. Congratulations. Thank you. But but listen come on it

was a lot cooler watching the rams kill the cardinals last night i mean anybody could have a grandkid but watching that performance uh yeah she's a cute kid. Everything, you know, my kids are doing great. Everything is, it's, the good thing about the pandemic in U.S., it did slow me down in life. I don't have to go on the fucking road every week to, you know, to validate my existence. I don't fucking, you know what I mean? I don't, you know, I'm supposed to go to Colorado this weekend.

And the guy sent a deposit today. I was hoping he wouldn't so I could cancel. You know, I was like, please don't send it. And then I got it, you know, so I had to go to Colorado this weekend. But, you know, I love working. I did the comedy works in Saratoga this past weekend. You know, it's a 100-seat room. It's my favorite type of room

right you know i could sit down and just do besides uh material the crowd work you know because it's so intimate and and that you know and then i saturday night got my car and i drove home you know that's fucking i love doing stuff like that you know i i don't know if you're going back to doing any gigs uh i haven't done any gigs in a while are you thinking about it yeah absolutely yeah yeah i miss it you know yeah but you're doing well otherwise right yeah absolutely i got the podcast going and i'm you know hanging in there yeah so you know you you got to take care of yourself first you know that right do the right thing for yourself and yeah you know i don't know i mean i'm not a fucking doctor i'm barely a

headliner uh you know uh no so you know my wife's career is on fire i mean it's simply you know she just executive producing a netflix show she just sold another show to fx well that's going to pilot you know uh that's good for her yeah she gets calls to be head writers on on stuff all the time she had a different show that wasn't picked up with uh jessica curse on you know she just you know but she deserves it after all these years of hard work everything's coming together now you know yeah she put in a lot of hard work too absolutely you know and she's a great writer comic director everything you you know you whatever so uh you know things aren't financially as stressful as they could have been years ago you know when you're whatever when you know when you're paying over two thousand a month for health insurance

but now i'm getting it free because of the Writer's Guild from her. You know, that's a fucking $25,000, $26,000 a year or whatever. Yeah, that's a big nut to carry, man, of the health insurance. Yeah, so, you know, there's a lot of stress taken off of my life. You know, she went out

and got a car. I might go get a car tomorrow, for all I know. I saw a car I liked. I might go get it. You know, you i know i saw a car i liked i might go get it you know you're getting old i'm getting old so what the fuck i might as well just enjoy shit you know yeah why not man you like a car get a car yeah i don't need it but what the fuck i looked at i liked it you know uh so you're still where you were still staying where you were before and stuff and yeah i live in hoboken now that's is that the studio i went to are you at home or in a studio no i'm in a studio that that's the studio the studio you went to was in new york city i stopped working

there i'm in a studio now in jersey now and you're not doing you don't have a co-host or anything no it's just me uh and so yeah because last time i think i came in mike bachetti was he was sitting there yeah well i talked to mike all the time as a guest yeah he's a good guy yeah absolutely he's a good guy he's fun to hang with yeah i mean he's just he's just a nice guy so you know he really is you know this business is full of just a it's just just so many phonies did you see the video my wife put up no you didn't see it uh it's not it was on our podcast i I'll say it because it's funny. And she said, my phone died and Jeff Ross posted a picture with it. But he does roasting, so he could take a joke like that. Yeah, absolutely.

But, you know, it's just crazy we're getting old we're fucking still relevant in the business which is kind of like insane if you think about it yeah you've been relevant a long time brother yeah i've been doing this shit 37 years. Wow. I should be fucking retired. Comics don't fucking retire. Yeah. What am I going to do? Oh, retire in Florida? Hey, I'll be going down to the club tonight.

There's no such thing. Anywhere you go, I want to go on vacation. I just want to go play golf somewhere for a week. But anywhere I go, there's going to be a club club and i know i'll either go in there or have resentment because they don't use me anymore or whatever you know i can't even fucking thank god i'm working in vegas at the end of the month so i can get some warm weather some golf and and get paid you know uh there's no such thing as a vacation for me unless i go, I don't know. I just got to go somewhere. They don't have a fucking club. That's warm.

Do you not take vacations? No, I haven't taken a vacation. No, no. I mean, no, I haven't taken a vacation in ever in years, like a vacation. No. The last time I went on vacation, I took my ex wife years ago to Aruba. And the day we got home, she goes, I want a divorce. I go, you couldn't have told me that a week earlier? I could have taken anybody.

The money you dropped. I know. And, you know, I mean, Bonnie and I on our honeymoon went to Hawaii but that's our honeymoon that doesn't count and that was 17 years ago uh so that won't even marry wow yeah that's what I say 17 years yeah the over under was like six uh yeah who would have thought that man i know 17 years you know i think yeah 70 my daughter's 14 wow i haven't seen your daughter you and bonnie's daughter in a while i've never seen her at the comedy cellar and her like outwitting me at seven years old yes she was she. Yeah, she's still. Yeah, she is pretty. She's pretty quick and on her toes, you know. So she's you know, I lucked out. I got good kids. My older daughters, you know, one just had a baby, has this fucking gigantic house in Jersey. You know, I mean, like fucking insane. house in Jersey you know I mean like fucking insane the other one is getting married and she just bought a second home in Florida as an income home you know the Airbnb it she's here for three

weeks she goes yeah I'm going down to Florida for three weeks you know and you know they're they're both doing great my older daughters and my ex-wife was a great mom you know and i guess i did okay in certain aspects so you know i'm blessed that you know that they're doing well and and you know yeah just you know that that things are you know i just got to deal with the fucking just letting go of some of the resentment I have in this business. See, you're lucky. You could work anywhere you want. You could work any club anywhere. You can.

You're lucky. If you go, I want to work in improv, boom, I'm there. Anywhere you want to work, you can work. Right. work in improv boom i'm there anywhere you want to work you can work right you know i got a deal with and it's okay because i'm younger guys coming up which is okay they deserve a break uh but uh you know i just got a deal with the the resentment i have is the club owners that pretended they were your best my best friend yeah there's a lot of that going on you know we i play golf with them and all of a sudden you know they just ghost you so i i'm

pretty much let go of all that hatred and anger towards them because for me in this business always something comes along always something comes along you know uh so and if not i had a fucking good run you know but you know you're dealing with you know you you've gone you've dealt with some of these people yeah so no it's absolutely uh horrendous to see when people act like all phony like that and uh it happens a lot yeah it's you know you know Bobby Kelly who's one of my best friends in life a great he goes they're not your friends he goes you got

three four friends you know what I mean he said they're not you know don't don't act like they are I mean I've known people listen fucking Tom that runs a comedy that that i you know who does my club dates now i've known him since he was a kid you know i worked for his father when they were i think in a deli or by a deli and you know 30 something years so this is a

uh a family i'll always work for vinnie i'll always work for Vinnie. I'll always work for Vinnie, you know, cause he's in Jersey. I've known, you know what I mean? But some places it's not, it really isn't a big deal. You just,

it just leaves you wondering, going, holy shit, I played golf with this guy. He used to call me. And then all of a sudden, you know what I mean? It's just,

you can't, you just got to take people at face value. Yeah. Tommy's my manager now. He's your man. Yeah. He does my club dates. Yeah.

Even though I'm trying to figure out, you know, because I'm so used to doing it for years, you know, so, you know, I'm trying to let go. It's let go of everything. You know what I mean? It's right. It's hard, you know, because I also like to know where I'm going, when I'm trying to let go. It's let go of everything. You know what I mean? It's right. It's hard, you know, cause I also like to know where I'm going,

when I'm going, you know, uh, you know, uh, uh, I, now I don't want to go.

I mean, I do have a lot of work coming up, but you know, I'm not going away for more than four days, five days, you know, and then coming home. I'm not going,

I'm not one of these comics that'll go away for three weeks without coming home. You know, I couldn't do it. Yeah, that's the old days anyway. Exactly. You get a little too old for certain things. Yeah. Yeah, I want to come home. Like this week I'll go to Colorado, Colorado come home for four days and I go to Vegas next week for like three days Last time I was in Vegas, although this was pretty good. I was there at Brad's room at the MGM Monday through Sunday

Right Monday night. I went and shot craps won $500 and I didn't play again the rest of the time I was there Wow, I didn't play again the rest of the time i was there wow i didn't play i said i'm gonna leave a winner and tuesday wednesday thursday friday saturday and sunday i didn't play you didn't play you won 500 the first night you didn't play again the rest of the week i didn't play the rest of the week wow that's something i can't relate to i know neither can i go who is this person i did i did I did spend 40 at the airport on slots but yeah uh you know which is the biggest sucker bet at the airport and so but I didn't play the whole week it paid for my golf and I left not feeling completely shitty you know uh you know

like losing all my whatever so it was uh I had a good time the last time I was there. And I'm looking forward to going back next week for like three days. You know, get some fucking warm weather. This is miserable. Yeah, it's freezing, man. I was in Saratoga this weekend. It was like fucking one degrees. Who lives up there?

Who lives that life? Tommy lives up there who lives that life tommy lives up there i know he doesn't oh i thought he lived towards albany whatever uh you know what get listen uh get your family and get the fuck out get out of there get the fuck out yeah no it's like people used to talk about L.A. when I lived in L.A., and there's a lot of things shitty about L.A. They talk about phonies, but, you know, when you're in shorts playing softball in January, there's something to be said for that. Yeah, that's a good feeling. But now you can't really do it without somebody coming on the field

and robbing you, but still, you know know you could still play a couple innings uh you know without without somebody turning the backstop into a fucking apartment building uh you know uh yeah the weather is beautiful i just i haven't been out there in so many years it's uh do you ever live in la no when i first met bonnie she still had a place there an apartment so i would go there and we'd go back and forth and stuff but then when she gave up her apartment we just stayed in jersey the whole time you know i mean i had you know clothes there and golf clubs and stuff at her apartment there. But eventually she gave that up and we just stayed out here. So I never lived there.

You know, after, I guess, you know, I mean, besides Tough Crowd and all the bullshit, you know, last comic, this was years ago, was pretty big for me at the time. Yeah. And I could have moved to L. to la which would have been the time to do it because i had a lot of heat but i wasn't going to leave my kids they were too they were young i go there's no reason for me and i'm not saying i'm some great guy don't get me wrong i'm not like right i'm not like you're saying but you know i remember my dad when he got remarried moved to la you know and he was one of these every other weekend if we were lucky type dad.

You know what I mean? He just he wasn't really in our lives like I was in my. And I said, I'm not going to be I'm going to break the chain of dysfunction that I grew up with. And and I said, I'm not, you know, I'm here for my kids. And and not only it's just because i didn't have it so why i'm not going to keep that cycle going right you know what i'm saying yeah so it was in the long run they turned out to be great you know my life is no if i would have went to la what you know i i stink as an actor i would have went on every audition and they would you know

they would have said hey we can't ever see him again so that's what would have happened you know if i've unless i'm ad-libbing it forget it i'm done right i'm not memorizing fucking lines what do i look like i can't remember you know and people go well you don't act yeah because i'm a fucking comic all right you don't go to a brain surgeon you don't do root canal i'm not trained as an actor i'm trained as a comic and i do it pretty well so you know i'm so glad i never moved out there you when you were out there you're a single guy you're a single guy yeah with shit going on you know being single you can go anywhere the fuck you want yeah no absolutely it was like great freedom you know yeah and uh it was a lot of fun

because i was doing a sitcom with norm mcdonald you know and i and it's good the money's great and there's a lot to be said for it but you know if you got roots and stuff like that it's hard to leave and i commend you for that not leaving what did your father do for a living he bounced from things to you know he was just whatever but then he ended up being a travel agent for like the last probably 40 years of you know 30 or 40 years he was sales but you know one second he was selling rolls royces the next he had some other scam going you know you know he'd have a million lose a million uh and then i guess when he remarried for the for the for the for the third time uh for the third time when he remarried i

guess that's when he started just settling down and he became a uh uh not real uh travel agent you know with big companies in new york and he was a big travel agent doing you know uh uh you know corporate and he had clients at you know big vacations but you know he's still going now he's 93 years old oh he's still alive yeah he's 93 so wow and he's still going? Well, he's not at work. Did you see me drool? I just drooled. Did you see me do that?

Yeah, I saw that. I was just trying to imitate my dad. We were talking about him. Yeah, 93 years old and he just started drooling there. What the fuck? It's going to happen to me on stage and that's when i quit yeah i just fucking drool what a drooling fucking jew bag i am uh uh yeah he's 93 he doesn't work but you know he's you know he's he's doing whatever a 93 yearyear-old does at home. He's married and lives in New York.

We go there once in a while. I'm just not a big fan. I got to go to New York tonight. We're doing this Patrice benefit tonight. We haven't done it in a couple of years. I did it once. You did? Yeah.

I hosted every year. I remember when you did it. I remember. Yeah. Yeah. We've had everybody. you did yeah i hosted every year i remember when you did it i remember yeah yeah uh you know we've had everybody so uh i gotta go host it tonight i'm wearing my new watch which i was gonna say you got the bling you're blinged out uh i'm so empty i had to buy i ran out of things to buy so i started jewelry but uh i got my wife for christmas a rolex and i bought another one uh it's a real nice one and i it's a friend of mine

was trying to get it for two years two years and i called my jeweler i go if you get it let me know and i got it within a month you know so i don't want to tell him i don't want to break his heart no rolex nice yeah whatever just another dumb thing just another dumb thing do you do anything like fan duel and stuff like that what do you mean bet on it yeah the bet you get go on those websites where you bet, and now you have the legal betting. No, what I did, in the beginning of the pandemic, I was doing that with the slots on my phone. Yeah. And then I made it so none of my credit cards would allow me to do it anymore. And the one credit card I was using, I cut up and threw away.

Because, you know, it's, I mean, you know, I put a little on these games. I'm up 700 bucks, but it's just, you know, a little bit here and there. And, but I can't do it online because it won't stop. You know, next thing you know, fucking basketball. And then, you know, thing you know fucking basketball and then you know betting on fucking knock hockey yeah these young guys just keep betting and betting they don't stop yeah it's uh it's gonna well it's gonna hurt the casinos i know that yeah well they all got in the business of having their own their own sports book online.

Yeah. I guess that's where everything, you know, people aren't leaving. Now you could do it in New York. Yeah, I know. Everything's legal. It's crazy. I can't do it. I won't do it.

I used to, you know, with, like I said, and just to kill time with slots laying in bed and forget it it's just it's a no-win situation i mean in a casino that's the biggest sucker bet so on your phone it's got to be even a bigger sucker bet i think so absolutely but the slots like people are so addicted to that my god it's crazy well because one people you don't have to think you know uh you just you know it's just like it's you don't have to think you know if you're going to go to a casino and you don't shoot craps there's no reason to go because that's the game you're going to win money it's's the best odds. You know, and

you know, when the table's hot, it's like the head of the clan is high-fiving Farrakhan when the crap table's hot, right? Yeah, absolutely. You know, but you play those other games, roulette, ridiculous.

Yeah, I never got into roulette. I guess blackjack, if you know i mean you got to know when they hit like i was playing blackjack once years ago and i had like ten dollars on the table and there was a guy he probably had you know five hundred or a thousand and i was in the last seat so i said to him i I go, you call it. You tell me, do you want me to hit or stick? I go, it's up to you because I got 10 bucks down. I'm not going to take the brake card.

Well, that was damn nice of you. Well, yeah, I gave him the choice because he had all the fucking money. I don't remember what he said, but I'm not going to be the guy that says give me a hit you know i'm not a fucking idiot i'm not gonna take a hit on with you know with a uh a four and the dealer has a six or whatever yeah but it's it's just it's it's it's not a fun it's not not. If you're going to play craps is fun. You know, it's a fun time. Yeah, I like craps.

I like blackjack, too, but I like craps more. Yeah, it's it's it's it's just, you know, you get a black girl throwing that's never thrown. You're going to win a fortune. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. And it's it's pro black. It's not racist. I look forward to a black chick throwing the dice.

Right, absolutely. Yeah, there is something about that, huh? Yeah. And even, I mean, girls in general, but whatever. And somebody who takes a dice and throws them real hard, I want to run to the end of the table and punch them in the side of the head. And they start bouncing off the table and fucking knocking over

chips. What the fuck are you doing? You're not pitching for the fucking Reds. No, I know. They think they have to throw hard. Yeah, nice and easy. Let them float. Let them float, you fucking idiots. I used to like betting against the roller.

I used to like betting the don't pass line. Really? Yeah. I used to like being that jerk off. You know what? Those are the ones who probably make the most money. Yeah, Norm had a system. Norm MacDonald had a system where he would bet the don't pass line

and he would keep doubling up. It was something like he kept doubling up after every after every roll. And it never won. It never worked. I worked. I'll tell you a funny Norm story. I worked a weekend. So I was working at Tropicana for Kephart in Atlantic City.

Yeah. I was hosting. Teddy Bergeron was middling and norm mcdonald was closing right so the show is hard you look great the show was horrible come say hi arty lang arty lang who saved our fucking movie bonnie mcfarland Hi What's up? How are you? How you doing? Good, how are you?

You're kicking ass I guess That's what I told him I got a lot of, yeah, I just, I write a lot, that's all Nothing exciting That's good, way with Rich Voss Yeah, he helps a lot Yeah good way with rich boss yeah he helps a lot his fingers aren't

big enough for the keyboard right all right good see you guys see you later oh those are cool pants so I'm working it was me Norm Macdonald okay I hosted Teddy Burch

around middle and Normcdonald okay i hosted teddy burchner ron middled and norm mcdonald closed right and the show was going horrible matter of fact somebody in the audience yelled bring the jew back which was me so then they norm just came to the states like norm this might even have been before his letterman but you know if you were a comic you could sit and watch and go this is one of the funniest people alive right you know you you could want but an atlantic city casino tropicana audience these fucking mooks didn't get it wasn't working so then they switched norm to the middle and teddy to the end and teddy was a full-blown alcoholic gambler yeah do you know teddy bergeron yeah i know a little bit a little bit yeah i mean he had one of the best carson appearances and then just destroyed

the biggest fucking showcase after that the improv he just came in staggering you know i mean everybody was there the whole industry after his carson loved them so kepphart brought us back in the room me norm and teddy and he says this is the worst show i've ever had here oh my god and look how big norm went on to be you know what i mean yeah how well loved and how funny he was and because this fucking idiot didn't get him in atlantic city or whatever you know yeah this is the worst show i've ever seen in my life well i work with norm a lot uh i opened for him for a bit and we went on tour and he was hit or miss you know he was always funny but he was hit or miss what i was gonna do with the crowd but i you know what i didn't know him like that i knew i played cards with him once me him and jeff ross and i made jeff i don't know go get us coffee or whatever i don't

know jeff was the host i middled and i don't know where we get us coffee or whatever. I don't know. Jeff was the host. I middled. I don't know where we were working. But what I took out of Norm, this is what I took. When he didn't do well, I don't really think he gave a fuck. No, I don't think he did either. Yeah, I didn't know him like that. But I think he knew what he wanted out of this business and how good he was that he didn't give a shit if these fucking drunk idiots got him or not. You know what I mean? No, he definitely did not.

And that was unique about him because, you know, a lot of comics have this thing where even if they know the crowd are a bunch of drunk idiots, they still want to be loved. You know, that's the whole thing well i mean listen if my parents gave me two more fucking hugs in life i'd probably have a normal job i'm trying to get fucking validation from complete strangers and and i don't i almost have that attitude that norm has you know if it's a big show i want to do well but if i'm somewhere in a class it's not it look it it's going to go well most of the time because i know what you know i've been doing this but it doesn't get to me like some comics some you know and i don't think it got to norm at all

that's that's you know like patrice patrice didn't give a fuck yeah usually you know hey he you know i he i remember patrice calling me going uh i hate this club i have to leave he called me he was doing i think captain bryans or somewhere right he goes i can't he was what he wants me to call him captain he can go fuck himself you know uh and and these to me to me are the funniest comics like stan hope you know stan hope doesn't give a fuck right you know he just to me these are funny funny you know uh bobby k you know i don't know it's just my taste of of comics that i think are are funny or comics that are real up there like you you tell stories great stories you're tough like you know you see a comic that's great you could say say someone like Brian Regan who's as funny as

anybody alive right right but you walk out you really don't know Brian Regan you just know he's as funny as anybody alive right that's the type of comedy he does now you walk out of your show you know arty lang right so there's two to me there's two different types of comics like richard jenny who just slaughtered was great was a great monologist you couldn't have been any better than jenny but also too when when you walk out of a like a stanhope show you know this guy yeah person yeah and so there's to me comedy from here from the heart and comedy from the head you know what i mean colin you know colin to me colin's probably one of the best most brilliant comics agreed of our generation yeah

hands down hands down so you know but i love all types of comedy but i lean towards the patrices that are more real right that's all i mean i could i could i love maria banford i think she's great you know uh there's so many that i i love janine garofalo right and but but then again i you know i i love someone like you that i'll watch and we'll tell stories and you go oh man that fucking what a great story that is how fucking you know what i mean it's so it's so great you know and it's harder it's harder in a comedy club to get that down to tell those stories like if you're you know you know you're a big presence and have a big career but you know if if a regular comic wants to go up and do like a one-man show in a comedy they they want to hear jokes they want to be no absolutely they don't want to hear that shit you know so it's hard to develop

that if you already don't have a fan you know what i'm does that make sense i know absolutely it's and getting a fan base and getting a following helps out a lot they'll give you time they'll give you they'll be they'll be patient with you yeah especially yeah but uh i love uh that type of stories and the truth and what fucking happened and you know whatever you know uh and the rest uh can go fuck themselves. No. Well, listen, Rich, thanks for coming on, buddy. Yeah, I talk. I pretty much hopefully said something, but I probably said nothing. No, you said a lot. No, you're a great guest.

I'm glad to see you. You look great. I'm glad everything's going well. You know, whatever. I love your fucking cork wood background or whatever the fuck that is. That looks like the fucking deck of a ship or whatever. I don't know what the fuck it is. Yeah, that's the feel I'm going for, the deck of a ship.

The Titanic. You got anything you want to plug? My hair. what am i uh this week i'm in uh colorado when is this uh nah i don't know my wife hates me podcast and i'll be at the plaza comedy works uh the last weekend of the month and uh there you have it all right what do you think tom do you think this went well yeah i was at your shower curtain in the background that was good no these are little little things my wife hung up it's like wrong for our podcast room okay you know i don't fucking know it's just for our dumb podcast room it worked here Did you hear how I slaughtered up in Saratoga? Yeah.

My staff, my staff said they walked out with 75 cents on the dollar compared to other comics. So thanks for that. Yeah. Good. Well, I fucking,

I'm going to make a new CD out of that week, my seventh CD. And I'm going to call it, this is my, I'm going to have, this is my CD cover. It's going to be dice shooting across the table. Like seven.

It's my seven CD. I'm going to call it seven and out. Cause I'm done making CDs. Seven and out. That's going to be my last one. All right. I got to go do this Patrice benefit. Thank you for having me.

And whatever. All right, Rich, anytime. Be good. All right. i'll talk to you guys later on i suck i do i stink bye We'll be right back. Thank you.